#akademia net
Text
love theory | l.ty
Pairing: Lee Taeyong x reader
Themes: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, college au, wingwoman au, fluff, angst, comedy, mutual pining, lots of lying, kissing, references to 13 going on 30, Lee ‘whipped’ Taeyong, PG 15
Warnings: profanity, usage of nicknames, food, kissing, lying, angst, themes of being let down, slight unrequited love, taeyong is a little bit of a jerk but its unintentional i promise you he’s a sweetheart
Wc: 21k
Summary: "hey google, how do you fake going on a date with someone that doesn't even exist because you were too much of a coward to tell your best friend you're in love with her so now you're screwed? sincerely, taeyong."
Playlist: love theory by taeyong and wonstein, theres no way by julia michaels and lauv; starlight by taeil; best friends by conan gray; how you get the girl by taylor swift; just friends by why don’t we, shine by pentagon
Notes from brooke: happy birthday to the loml!! it’s been a hot minute since i posted anything but i had to for taeyong day, so i wrote this entire fic in eight days 🧍♀️ go big or go home amirite? (living that enhypen agenda). anyway! i worked really hard on this fic and had a lot of fun writing this, so i hope you enjoy reading it! as always, feedback would be much appreciated<3
Taeyong didn’t have the best luck when it came to romance.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true, he had been in a few relationships before. He had been through the first date giddiness several times and that fluttery, nervous feeling you get when you first start to get to know someone. He had experienced the lows of heartbreak and the sorrow of a breakup, the awkwardness of a crush, and— well, you get the point.
So theoretically, he should have been fine. There was no need to be so jittery about the situation because it wasn’t anything new. Unfortunately for him, knowing this did not help him at all, even though one would think it would. Even Doyoung agreed, he was hopeless.
To be fair though, Doyoung wasn’t much better than he was, if not worse. Taeyong sighed, taking his phone and holding it over his face as he opened his gallery. His current position was him lying down over the expanse of his sofa, aimlessly scrolling through the app.
It wasn’t completely aimless, he supposed. He was the type of guy who took pictures of the most random things on a daily basis, and sometimes he enjoyed looking through them, especially if they were artistic in a sense. His eyes caught on one and he smiled briefly, clicking on it.
This was one he hadn’t taken himself, but rather Doyoung had. In it was him and you standing over the kitchen island in your parent's house, with you staring down at a bowl of what he remembered to be a very uncooperative batch of icing with a poisonous look. You had never had much talent when it came to the kitchen, it was almost laughable at this point.
Taeyong, on the other hand, wasn’t looking at the icing, but rather at you, with the softest expression gracing his features. The ghost of a smile played on his lips as stared at you, beyond amused at your perplexed state at that moment.
He blinked, taking in the picture in its entirety with a small grin. He was so enraptured by it that he missed the clicking sound his door made when it was opened, and the footsteps that quickly made their way towards the living room where he sat (or rather, lay down), growing louder with each step.
“You won’t fucking believe what happened today-”
Taeyong was startled at the sudden sound of your voice cutting through his self-induced reverie, causing him to let go of his phone in a split second of panic.
Now, in the ninth grade back in high school, he had learned about Newton’s law of universal gravitation. It stated that two bodies in space pull on each other with a force proportional to their masses and the distance between them. He could lie and say that he understood whatever the fuck that meant, but in truth, he had simply memorized it for the exam he had to write on it that year.
What he did understand, however, was the fact that gravity was a thing. He received a first-hand demonstration of it right then and there when his phone fell flat on his face, leaving him to let out a string of very colourful language in annoyance.
Picking up the device that caused him a face injury, he pushed himself to sit up straight, glaring at your figure as you walked through the doorway and into the living room. The sight of you thereafter you had let yourself in was by no means a new or surprising one- he had given you a key to his place a long time ago, one that you kept along with your own keys.
No, Taeyong was more embarrassed that he had been caught so off guard, even if you hadn’t been there to see it. Thank god for that, because he knew that you would probably tease him for a good half an hour about it, before forgetting about it until some obscure moment in the future when you would bring it up again just to annoy him
How wonderful.
This time you didn’t seem aware of his sentiments at that moment, too caught up in your own business to do so. You stormed in after carefully taking your shoes out at the entrance and keeping them there neatly, and placed your hands on your hips, giving him an expectant look.
He sighed, pretending to be uninterested for a moment. “What happened?”
“I got paired with Kim Ji-woo for this project in my screenwriting class,” You groaned, making your way over to the couch where he sat and plopping yourself down beside him. “And look- Ji-woo is great, super sweet and a really nice person but is absolutely useless when it comes to project work! The last time someone was in a group with her she somehow managed to not contribute in the slightest!”
You slumped into the cushions in defeat, glancing at Taeyong who hummed in acknowledgment of your words.
“Sounds like a you problem.”
Scoffing, you took one of the cushions and hit his arm with it, causing him to laugh as he raised it in defense of himself.
“I come to you in time of distress and thats all you say? What type of shitty best friend are you?”
You were only joking, of course, because you knew that there was no way you could ever survive without Taeyong. He was your constant, the one person you knew you could fall back on with your eyes closed and trust that he would be there to catch you.
You had known him since the both of you were eighteen in your senior year of high school. Saying you knew him was a bit of a stretch considering your relationship at that only included polite nods and glances in between classes and in the hallways. You were acquaintances at most and forgot about each other's existence until you found yourself in the same classroom at your university, and he was the only person who was familiar to you.
Naturally, you went up to him and struck up a conversation with him and the acquaintance turned into a friend, and the friend turned into a best friend. Now a junior, you had stuck with him for around three years and could not have asked for more.
Alright, maybe that last bit was a small lie. There was something else you could have asked for, but it was a wish you preferred to keep to yourself.
He was gorgeous too, possibly one of the most beautiful people you had ever seen. It wasn’t your fault he was such a lovely person in every way, so really the possible feelings you harboured towards him (again, it was just a possibility and this was all off the record) was just a by-product of that. You would never be able to explain how just thinking about him would brighten your mood, or how you always felt safe with him. You would continue disregarding these thoughts, especially the one about how his idiotic little smile could prompt a smile of your own.
You chalked it down to him having an infectious smile and laugh, which wasn’t untrue. He was the type of guy who could light up a room with just his presence, and you were more than grateful to be able to call him yours.
Erm- your best friend, that is!
“Hey,” he caught your attention once again, a softer look on his face. “If it’s that much of an issue, just give her a few basic tasks and I’ll try and help you with your parts, okay?”
You furrowed your eyebrows in thought at this suggestion of his, and if you were going to be honest it sounded like a pretty good compromise. This wasn’t his first time being your saviour when it came to academics, in fact, he was there with you just last finals season. He had stayed up with you and helped you study even though his courses were not in any way similar to yours.
And you would do the same for him, you knew. It was just how the two of you worked, a good symbiotic relationship- well not a relationship but a friendship and-
While you were busy getting too in your head over your friendship and as you mindlessly nodded to his idea, he studied your features. The slope of your nose and the way your hair fell into your face since half of it was out of your poorly tied ponytail. Somehow throughout your graceful chaos, you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Instinctively, he reached out and tucked some of your hair behind your ear, startling you just enough to look back at him with wide eyes.
His mouth went dry for just a moment, and he realized that he was well and truly fucked. Whether you knew it or not, you had him wrapped around your little finger, and he couldn’t find it in himself to break away.
So yes, Taeyong didn’t have much luck in the love department.
Because he had fallen in love with his best friend.
There was something off about Taeyong today- like he wasn’t as normal as usual.
To be fair though, there wasn’t anything inherently normal about him either, but it was blatantly obvious right now. His knee bounced and he wasn’t paying any attention to the PowerPoint presentation of lecture notes on the screen of his laptop.
Moreover, his outfit was just a tad fancier than what you were used to, which was a shirt and skinny jeans, a jacket if he wanted to dress it up a little. The button-up he was wearing made him look great (not that he didn’t look like someone who walked out of the cover of a Vogue issue anyways, but this only amped that up), and the pretty silver earrings he wore only added to the look. And you could be mistaken, but you knew him extremely well, and you were willing to bet that he was wearing that good cologne he had.
You knew about it since half of his hoodies lived in your closet, but that was a conversation for another time. What was important now was the fact that he was actually using it. He mostly went for the less lavish one- which was also pretty good, again you would know- so this was a little bit of a surprise.
“Okay, fine, I’ll bite,” you cut through the silence that reigned over the library, “What is going on here?”
He looked at you in confusion. Wincing, you realized you had been a little too loud when the library sent a scathing look in your general direction and you lowered your tone to a whisper.
“What do you mean?” He asked softly and you gave him a once over.
“You look….good,” you cleared your throat as quietly as possible. “Why do you look good?”
This was not the reaction he had been hoping for. Taeyong raised an eyebrow, “Thank you? I’m sorry? Why do I feel like I’ve done something wrong?”
You shook your head, leaning over so you could speak a little softer, “I mean- you look great all the time but it feels like you put in more effort today- why?”
Why? Oh, that truly was an interesting question. A loaded question, but an interesting one nonetheless, because the answer was embarrassing. He studied your face, the narrowing of your eyes and furrowing of your eyebrows out of curiosity. You looked cute.
“I just felt like it.” He shrugged, but you could tell he was lying the moment the words left his mouth. The tips of his ears turned red, which was his tell. You scoffed at his attempt to lie to your face because he had always been absolutely terrible at doing so. You could see through him and read him like a book.
“Uh-huh.”
Okay, so maybe there was a motive behind this. Doyoung- god, he really had to stop going to him for help when it came to you- suggested he start trying to make his way out of the best friend zone because it was around ten times worse than the friend zone. The best friend zone was much deeper for it symbolized the trust and relationship between the two of you, but it wasn’t exactly the relationship he had been hoping for.
You were squinting at him now as if trying to peer into his mind and figure out what was going on in it. He briefly wondered if he should hold his book over his head so he could stop the brainwaves, or whatever.
“You’re trying to impress someone,” you concluded incredulously, eyes wide when you realized. In your ‘eureka’ moment, you once again forgot that you were in a library. The librarian rapped one of her books on her desk hard against it to catch your attention, leaving you to mouth that you were sorry, before muttering something about her under your breath.
Before Taeyong could even respond, you raised an eyebrow, “A girl? Oh my god, do you like someone?”
‘Yeah, you.’ He thought.
“Nope.” He lied.
But the lie came out much too quick, and you immediately figured out that you had hit the nail right on the head. So you waited for a moment to think of a clever one-liner to tease him with.
Nothing.
Instead, you felt rather hollow about this new development. You knew you should feel excited about it for him, to press him for answers and be delighted, but you didn’t and the worst part was that you had to make sure he wouldn’t pick up on that.
“Who is it?” You demanded, trying your best to sound normal as if you were genuinely curious. You weren’t. You would rather know anything else than who the person who had captured Taeyongs affections was. Lucky bitch.
Oh god, that definitely wasn’t very nice of you. This was why you didn’t want to know because if anyone was going to turn into a bitch because of it, it was you. No, that simply wouldn’t do, instead, you would help him.
Why?
Because you loved Taeyong enough to let him go, or at least that was what you were going to tell yourself. Also because that was what friends did.
And you and Taeyong were really good fucking friends.
He looked a little scandalized, eyes wide when he realized you had managed to deduce what the matter was within seconds. He almost dropped his book in surprise.
“It—it’s not important.”
“Yes, it is,” you leaned forward, “Do I know her?”
Now it was Taeyongs turn to panic because while just telling you the truth sounded extremely appealing, the possibility of getting rejected didn’t. He didn’t really want to lie to you either, but if those were the only two choices he had, he knew what he had to do.
“Nope.”
You deflated, slumping in your seat. Knowing who your competition was would be nice.
“Just tell me already!” You pouted, and Taeyong had to physically make sure he wasn’t looking at you at that moment because he knew that even one glance at your expression would have him melting on the spot.
“No.”
You pressed your lips together. You would help him, you promised yourself, but perhaps now your motivations were a little different. If you offered to help him, you’d learn who the lucky girl was sooner or later. You hoped later wouldn’t be at their wedding.
“At least let me help you,” you sighed in exasperation, “This is what best friends do, you know, they play wingwoman. Give you the love theory you need.” You cleared your throat to rid it of the lump that had lodged there when you figured out that he liked someone.
He scoffed, “Help me? Now how would you do that?”
An amused smile played on his pretty lips, and you momentarily wondered how it would feel to kiss them. Promptly after that, you pinched yourself under the table to bring yourself back to reality. Thinking ridiculously wouldn’t do you any good.
“I listen to Taylor Swift,” you said solemnly as if it answered everything perfectly. “And she literally has a song called ‘How You Get the Girl, so if anyone could help it was her or me, and you’re not important enough to talk to T Swizzle before I do, so you’re just going to have to make do.”
Taeyong was a little concerned over how enthusiastic you seemed about assisting him in this. If you were so happy about him being interested in someone else then didn’t that mean that you weren’t interested in him? Now he hated the fact he had lied because it all seemed pointless. Saying no to you was not something he liked to do often, but it was also something he couldn’t do now or you would grow suspicious.
God damn it.
“Hello? Earth to Taeyong?” You snapped your fingers in front of his face, causing him to blink rapidly, eyes focusing back on you.
His eyes had always been intense to look into, dark and demanding, which is something he had always hated about them. Over the years he had tried his best to soften them since it was one of the reasons others found him intimidating as well.
To you, however, they were rather mesmerizing. You loved the way that everything around you would slowly fade away when he looked at you like that, especially when they were upturned into little crescents when he was happy.
“I’m sorry?”
“Yes or no?.”
“To….what?”
“To being your wingwoman,” You reiterated, feigning annoyance. This earned you yet another glare from the librarian, but you were much too invested in your best friend's business to care about it.
“I—,” He thought about arguing for just a minute, but it seemed that he deemed it worthless to do so with you. He knew how convincing you could be when you wanted to, and so he simply nodded in defeat. “Fine.”
(There were two idiots in this room. Dumb and dumber, and no one would ever know who was which.)
You straightened in your seat, plastering another smile on your face as you did so to convey your supposed joy over him letting you do this. He looked dubious but allowed a small smile of his own as he pushed the book that you were holding open in your hands closer to your face. To this, you almost dropped the book, managing to catch it just in time to avoid a scolding from the librarian, who definitely didn’t like the two of you very much anymore.
“Study,” he instructed, “Worry about my love life later.”
Little did he know that you were very much worrying about your own.
When you were little, your parents had been extremely strict about everything you did to instill a sense of discipline in you. You had to wake up at seven-thirty to get ready for school every day, and on the weekend, it was eight. At birthday parties you always had to ask them if you could have juice when someone offered, and after dinner, you were only ever allowed to eat one cookie if there were any.
One day, however, after finishing your obligatory cookie, you found yourself really wanting another. It was urgent, you absolutely had to sink your teeth into one more to appreciate its chocolatey goodness properly.
So you waited till your parents thought you were asleep to sneak out into the kitchen and take one. You had no regrets for that night only, because you were caught the next night itself when your mother found that there was one cookie less in the stack. When she asked you about it, you stoutly denied this accusation, which she definitely didn’t appreciate, and sat you down with your father so that the both of them could give you a talking to about honesty.
This had left a mark on you, and so you tended to be as honest as possible from that point onwards. Your first lie led to the end of that road you had just begun to traverse, making you the perfect child.
Which was exactly why you weren’t ashamed to admit that your first thought was to somehow sabotage Taeyong’s possible relationship with this girl he said he liked when you proposed to be of help.
You really had to learn how to lie again properly.
You thanked the barista that handed you the two coffees you had ordered, managing to make your way through the busy line that infested the Starbucks that morning. Only God knew why you still opted to go there before classes sometimes, and you intended to keep it that way because even Taeyong didn’t understand it.
At first, it was because you liked the aesthetic, then you started realizing that people yelling over each other, uncomfortable lines, and your name being misspelled for the nth time did not count as an aesthetic. Alas, you were in too deep now and your pride wouldn’t let you quit.
“Here,” You handed one of the drinks to Taeyong and he nodded in silent thanks, holding the top and taking a small sip. It was one of those days when both of you had early morning classes and caffeine was the only thing that was capable of giving you the will to live through them.
“You know this tastes like normal coffee right?”
“Don’t,” You warned, but you knew what would follow. This might have been his favorite argument to revisit with you.
“I could literally make this at my apartment and it would taste the same,” He pointed out, taking yet another sip as you started to walk, falling into step with you. You liked walking around with him because it felt so natural and simple.
“You keep saying that but you’ve never actually followed through with that claim,” Your shoes clicked on the pavement, joining the rest of the cacophony that made up the walk to eight a.m. classes. “So you either are shit at making coffee and lying to me or you’re lazy.”
“Well, now I definitely don’t want to.” You caught the indignant pout on his lips from the corner of your eyes.
“Aha, so he’s lazy,” You concluded, glancing to your side to properly look at him as you stopped to wait for the traffic to pass by on the street. “So? Have you ever spoken with her?”
Confusion took over his features and he frowned. “Her?”
“The girl you refuse to tell me anything about.”
Shit. He had forgotten about that entire ordeal, eyes widening at the mention. You watched him with expectant eyes and he cleared his throat, nodding non-committal.
“A few times, yeah,” He hummed, nodding forward to tell you that it was okay to cross now. You did that, mulling over this information and commemorating it with a big gulp of coffee, almost burning your tongue. You would definitely more caffeine to survive this conversation.
“And? You have to give me something to work with, dude.”
Taeyong had no idea where he was going with this. He supposed he deserved to be stuck in such a situation because he had gotten himself into it without thinking about how it would sustain such a lie. Sighing to himself, he started speaking.
“She’s….nice.” What an eloquent description he had gone for. Trying to describe a girl that didn’t exist was extraordinarily hard, and he wondered where his childhood imagination had disappeared to. Your blank expression told him that he was doing a terrible job at whatever he was trying to achieve.
Well, there was only one thing he could think to do.
“She ‘s fun to be around,” He started, “Speaking to her is incredibly easy and I enjoy our conversations. She’s really pretty too.” The corners of his lips curled up into a slight smile as he spoke about this supposed ‘girl’.
Stop.
You wanted him to stop the moment he started elaborating because it was becoming clearer and clearer that he truly cared for this person. You had caught the way his eyes softened just a little when he started speaking, and the fond tone his voice had taken. You knew it all too well because you had sat through him speaking like this when he had been with his previous girlfriends. It was as if he reserved a special place in his heart for the people he loved romantically and spoke about them in a specific way.
You would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about him speaking like that about you, but then again, you didn’t lie.
The university campus came into view and you knew that the both of you would have to part ways for your separate classes soon.
“Do you think she likes you back?”
He didn’t know how to answer that one, so he stopped for a moment and frowned in thought. You stopped as well, waiting for him. At times like these, you wished you could read his mind to figure out what went on in there. Normally you could read him like a book, and you knew everything about him, but when he would think really hard like this, it was like he put a mental block up that prevented you from doing what you normally did.
And then he started walking again as if you had never asked the question.
You stared in bewilderment as he walked in front, gaping and grumbling under your breath at being so blatantly ignored. Quickening your steps, you managed to catch up with him, panting a little now.
“Hey an answer would be lovely, you know!”
Taeyong stopped in front of the gate and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He fucking what?
“You—you don’t know?” You spluttered, a little annoyed now. “You don’t know if she likes you even a little bit?”
He shrugged once more, a victimised look on his face as he kept his shoulders up. “She’s hard to read!”
You scoffed in disbelief. “Say’s you.”
He snapped his head towards you, noting the stiff way you said that. It was a little resentful as well like you were annoyed at him, and maybe it was warranted, especially with the answers he was giving you. He was trying to be as vague as possible while being honest, so he had told the truth. He truly couldn’t read you one bit, he definitely didn’t know if you liked him back, and right now the answer was leaning towards a big, fat NO.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
You shook your head, patting his arm. “I have class, see you later.”
You began walking away, and then turned around when you realized how childish you had just been. He looked like a confused puppy now, unable to keep up with your constant switch in the mood.
“Did I….do something?” He asked gently as he cocked his head to the side, and you felt totally undeserving. You shut your eyes and shook your head. You couldn’t keep taking your frustration over him liking someone else on him. It just wasn’t fair.
“No, you didn’t,” You sighed, “I’m having a weird day, thats all.”
He raised his hand to look at his watch and then back at you. “It’s eight in the morning, what day?”
Panic seized you and your eyes widened in horror at that news. “It’s already eight? Fuck, fuck, fuck-”
“Y/n?”
“I’m late for my class!” You whined, walking backward quickly and turning around, breaking into a run. “I’ll see you later! Next time we’ll work on asking her out!”
He scoffed, watching as you hurried into one of the buildings and vanished from his line of sight, biting back the smile that was threatening to spill over. It was a very special smile, one he only kept for you.
And with another sip of his coffee, he too turned around and walked away to his class. He would have to make some coffee for you sometime soon so you would stop wasting your money on Starbucks.
“Idiot,” he muttered affectionately, “Going to miss your class and you’re still talking about that.”
lesson #1: talking to the girl
“So she knows who you are right?”
You adjusted the volume of the music playing from the radio of his car, letting go of your chopsticks and letting them fall to the inside corner of the takeout box. Your classes for the day were finally over and just like you had promised, you were going to help him
He nodded, taking a mouthful of his own noodles. On nights like these when none of you felt like cooking, takeout was your saviour. Tonight’s dinner consisted of Chinese food from the nearby restaurant. The food itself was by no means authentic, but it was tasty nonetheless a quick fix.
“Have you flirted with her?” You let him think over your latest question while he finished his bite.
“I probably have?” He ended it like a question rather than a statement. “We talk quite a bit actually, but anything I say always seems to go over her head like she’s completely oblivious.”
Damn. You couldn’t even hide the sympathetic look on your face at that. The girl really didn’t know what she was missing out on if she was able to ignore him so easily. You almost wished you had that talent so you wouldn’t have to be simply the best friend.
“Sucks,” You muttered, “Maybe step it up a bit? Try and gauge if she’s actually interested in you the way you are for her so you can actually answer me the next time I ask.” You rolled your eyes at the memory of him saying he didn’t know. What person didn’t try to figure out if their crush liked them back?
“I’ll try my best,” He promised absentmindedly, shaking some of his hair out of his face. Then, he offered you some of his food, and you exchanged boxes naturally, like you had done this a million times before- because you had. There were certain things in your friendship that had become so routine that you did them without thinking.
“You’re hopeless,” You muttered, “It’s like you don’t actually even care about this girl when I give you advice on what to do, but then you wear your nice cologne for her.”
He raised his eyebrow in surprise. “How did you know it was the nice one?”
“I know you,” You clicked your tongue to look at him, causing a mischievous glint to spark in his eyes. You were almost afraid of the next words that were going to come out of his pretty lips.
“Nice to know you pay so much attention to me, sweetheart,” He teased, reaching out to give your box back. Heart curled up your neck and to your cheeks, painting them in a warm flush as you puffed them out and looked away from him.
“You’re so annoying.”
“Am I wrong though?”
You were still hung up on the nickname. It wasn’t the first time he had ever called you that, after all, your friendship was affectionate and extremely close, but that didn’t stop you from being affected by it. You were more used to words like ‘dumbass’ or ‘idiot’ spoken fondly to your face with a grin, just like you did for him. The ‘sweethearts’ and ‘loves’ were more teasing than anything, never serious.
“I pay attention to you because I’m your best friend,” You argued, placing the empty take-out box to the side. “If I don’t, who will?”
The laugh that escaped him at that was enchanting, and he scrunched his nose up for a moment, as if in thought. “I guess you’re right.”
“I’m always right.”
“Hah, could’ve fooled me.”
You reached over and pinched his forearm, eliciting a yelp due to the force at which you executed it. “You’re impossible. I don’t know why I still hang out with you.”
“It’s because I’m impossibly lovable,” He corrected you with a shit-eating grin, finishing up his own food. Then he dropped his voice just a little. “And because you have no friends.”
The sound of your hand slapping against his arm was enough to inform anybody how you reacted to that smart-ass statement of his. He loved pushing your buttons because you looked pretty even when your brows were knitted and your lips were set in an angry pout. He especially loved it when that expression was directed toward him.
“Just talk to her more,” You sighed, “I pity her to be honest, imagine having to deal with you. I’ll start praying for her right now.”
“Wow, real nice Y/n. You always know exactly how to hype me up.”
“I’m excellent at boosting a person's confidence. Wanna see?” You were looking at him in anticipation now like you were really proud of what you were going to say next and wanted him to match your energy. He pretended to be exasperated with you, exhaling slowly.
“Fine.”
You beamed at him, turning in the passenger seat to face him properly. “Jellyfish have survived 600,000 years without a brain.”
For once, he truly didn’t know where you were going with this and waited patiently. The way you were trying your best to keep a straight face was enough to tell him that it wasn’t going to be anything good.
“So I’m really optimistic about you.”
He grimaced. “Do me a favour and never become a motivational speaker. Ever.”
If you thought his laugh was enchanting, he thought yours was nothing short of angelic. The way your eyes would crease into little crescent moons and how you would cover your mouth with your hands as you giggled. It was a habit of yours, one that he had picked up on pretty quickly into the first few weeks of your friendship itself.
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” You weren’t sorry at all, not in the slightest. “But I’m serious, you have to talk to her more before you ask her out. The whole ‘instant ask out’ thing doesn’t really get you far. I’ve realized that being friends to an extent works best.”
“From what experience?” He snickered and you glared, holding back from giving the boy another pinch (or rather a shove this time around, which he wholly deserved for that backhand comment).
“Hey, I have dated around you know!” You protested, “And I’ve had a boyfriend before, so I know what I’m talking about.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
“I’m serious!”
He twisted the keys in the ignition to start the car, amused at how eagerly you defended yourself. He had to give it to you though, you definitely sounded more credible than Doyoung did when he gave advice. After all, it was that said boy's advice that got him into this whole mess in the first place, with you being his wingwoman.
The world surely did love irony.
Doyoung was sick.
Not sick in the sense that he had to stay in bed and spend his day with a box of kleenex. That would have been much more bearable than having to be subjected to this madness.
He was looking on from afar as you and Taeyong spoke. He had been on his way to his next class, only to happen to catch a glimpse of his two best friends. Even though he was equally close to Taeyong and you, he more often than not felt like a third wheel in your relationship.
So yes, he was sick of seeing the two of you tip-toe around each other.
He had never seen two people more perfect for each other, and definitely not two who were so damn oblivious about it. Someone could dangle it right in front of your eyes and you would purposefully turn the other way and walk in the other direction.
The first time Taeyong had come to Doyoung all panicked was around a year ago when he had miraculously realized that he was in love with his best friend. Doyoung remembered this well because he had never been caught so off guard before at such a confession. Or so he thought.
Because around a week later, you came to him, whining about your feelings for Taeyong.
Fucking dumbasses.
You were so in tune with each other that you just happened to go to the same person for advice- the person who had yet to be in any relationships himself. Hey, the life of a STEM major was hard and Doyoung didn’t particularly want to waste any of the ridiculously high tuition he had paid. You had once teased him about being married to his studies, and at this point, he couldn’t even deny it.
Now you were pushing some of Taeyong’s hair out of his face, a deadpan look on yours. Doyoung could see the slight alarm on the other boy's face at this action, the way he stared intently at you as you did it. Then you flicked his forehead and laughed, causing him to puff out his pink cheeks.
Lord, give him strength. The sooner the two of you got together, the better.
lesson #2: how to ask a girl out
Taeyong thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, from the slope of your nose to the crease of your eyes when you laughed, even if you did cover up your mouth when you laughed most of the time. He liked your smile too, the way the corners of your lips would turn upwards in glee was enough to get him to smile as well.
Even now, when you were staring at him like he had murdered your childhood dog, he thought you looked pretty.
“You’re telling me that you’ve never considered asking this girl out?!” You asked incredulously, hands resting on your hips. “At this point, I’m starting to think the person you like is Doyoung.”
He scowled at you, “It is not Doyoung, and of course, I’ve thought of asking her out, it’s just-” He paused, realizing he didn’t exactly know what to say. You raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue.
So here was the problem.
Taeyong was starting to get a little tired of talking about this make-believe girl with you. It was slowly eating away at him, the fact that he was basically lying to your face at this point. Sure, there was some truth mixed in somewhere, but that very truth was getting buried deeper and deeper as time went on.
“It’s just?” You asked, giving him another helpful nudge to finish that statement, but he didn’t, sighing instead as he leaned back in the chair he was sitting on. Your persistence was going to be the death of him one day.
“We were working on your project a second ago, why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because!” You stressed the word, “It’s been around two weeks since you told me you started talking to her again, so I mean, isn’t it the appropriate time to ask her out?”
You sat up straight, closing your laptop and books, “Also I’m tired of this, so do you wanna watch a movie and order in? We can continue talking about this later.” You picked your phone up and sighed. “Ji-woo never answers.”
He frowned, “She’s still not responding to your messages? Damn. You really do need my help.”
“I do,” You whined, sighing in resignment as you once again slumped in your seat. Today was one of those days when you were all over the place, jumping from one topic to another. This happened sometimes, and he was used to it after being your friend for so long.
“Fine, let's take a break, I’ll choose the movie and you go order some pizza for us.” He didn’t exactly need the break, but he could tell from the way your eyes were drooping slightly and how quickly you had slouched again. He knew you so well that he could tell when you were done for the day. Chances were that you would probably fall asleep midway through whatever movie he chose anyways, so he picked one that you had watched previously, good enough to entertain the both of you till sleep took over you.
After placing the order, you moved to the couch where he was sitting now, browsing through the movies. You propped your legs up, grabbing a cushion and curling into his side like it was the most natural thing to do. He settled on 13 going on 30, one of your shared favorite movies from the 2000s.
As the movie began, he couldn’t help but notice how perfectly you fit into him, how your head rested gently on his shoulder as your eyes remained trained on the television screen. The blue light from it fell onto your face, casting shadows over your features.
“So? Are you going to ask her out?”
He pursed his lips, suppressing yet another groan at your words. He knew you meant well, wanting to help and all, but the truth was complicated. The truth was messy and the truth…..
“Nah.”
“Huh? Why? You said you have thought about it before.” Ever since this entire thing started, he had been getting harder and harder to figure out.
He had spoken nothing but the truth because he really wasn’t going to ask you out, and this was a decision he had thought well and hard about. There were many factors that went into it- you were his best friend after all. If you didn’t feel the same way not only would he be crushed, but it would be awkward. That awkwardness would probably lead to drifting apart from you and that was something he never wanted to happen.
He loved being there for you, listening to your whine about your latest grievance, or nagging you about your terrible addiction to caffeine. You had the habit of keeping things to yourself, so he loved when you indulged that information to him just as much as he loved you.
He couldn’t lose you. That would be far worse than you not loving him the way he loved you. Losing you would mean not being able to love you at all, not even quietly.
“I don’t think I’m good enough for her,” he said quietly, “I mean, just because we’re talking doesn’t mean she likes me that way, for all I know she could totally hate the person I am.” He forced a cheery voice to communicate the fact that he was joking, but not entirely. The smile that he wore was tired and weary like he genuinely didn’t think he was enough.
You didn’t like it.
You knew it was in his nature to be hard on himself, he had been doing the same since freshman year. If things went wrong he would blame himself. If anyone was there to criticize, he saw it as himself.
“Stop it,” You chided, moving away from him and glaring, much to his surprise. Your brow was knit in frustration as you reached out and took his face in your hands, cradling it gently enough so that he was looking at you.
“You listen to me,” You said firmly, voice dead serious. “You, Lee Taeyong, are absolutely fucking amazing, and I don’t want to hear you ever put yourself down again.”
You were angry, he could hear it in your voice. From sleepy to annoyed, the change in your demeanor had him blinking in silence for he was much too surprised to do anything else.
“You’re perfect,” You said so earnestly that it was a little amusing. “And whoever she is would be a goddamn fool if she doesn’t realize that because any girl would be the luckiest fucking girl in the world to have you.”
Unbeknownst to him, there was some jealously mixed into it as well. One of your flaws was that you often let your envy seep into things you did and as much as you wanted to help Taeyong as the great friend you were, it killed you to see that he was so much into someone else but thought he wasn’t good enough for them. That was utter bullshit, and you were going to make sure he knew that.
You would have done anything to be that her.
“Y/n…” He whispered your name softly, trailing off into silence instead of continuing the sentence. The dialogue from the movie was the only thing that could be heard for the next minute or so, and you let go of his face, clearing your throat.
“Got it?”
“Yes ma’am,” He mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize? You did nothing wrong,” You huffed, retreating to your previous position. You weren’t quite sure what had possessed you to do that, but you had a feeling it was something he needed to hear. “Ask her out, and if she says no, her loss.”
You were stupid. So painfully stupid.
“Thank you,” he simpered, nudging you slightly. You only hummed in reply, muttering something about your insistence on being good at hyping people up. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Die. You would die.” You offered helpfully, and he snorted but didn’t deny it, instead once again glancing over at you to catch a glimpse of your face. Yeah, he really did think you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen, even in the crappy dim lighting of your living room right now.
“I would walk through fire for you,” He mumbled, “Thats how much I appreciate you.”
The giggle he earned for that was fucking dizzying, and he was tempted to repeat the statement just to hear it again. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” He confirmed, before thinking about that for a minute. “Okay, maybe not fire because I’m too young and hot to die. A really hot and humid room perhaps.”
You gave him an unimpressed look.
“Not too humid because of my hair.”
The pillow you were cuddling before quickly turned into a weapon to hit him with for his dumb quips, making him hold his arms up to shield himself. He was smiling though, silently laughing as he yelped at every hit you landed.
“Your hair is already dead from the amount that you dye it,” You deadpanned, reaching up and running your fingers threw the front stranger, pushing it out of his face like you so often did. His breath hitched in his throat as you then fixed it again. His eyes fell to your lips just for a moment as you were focused on his hair.
He wanted to kiss you so bad, just like the many other times he had thought about it and backed out. The factors he had mentioned before were what he used to justify his chickening out every time.
“Yep, it’s fried,” You said, snapping him out of it. Pushing your hand away, he signaled towards the movie that was still playing, redirecting your attention away from his warm face.
“A moderately heated room it is.”
Now that you had given him the push to ask out the girl he wanted, you were somewhat anxious to know how that had ended. Had he finally gone for it? Had it worked out? More importantly, were you going to have to self-sabotage once again?
Top ten questions science couldn’t answer.
This time you found yourself at a different coffee shop rather than the overpriced one you usually visited due to the fact that your friend, Karina, worked there as a barista. Unfortunately, visiting your friend wasn’t the only reason you decided to go there today.
Ji-woo sat across from you, a nervous smile on her face. She was cute, with straight long hair till her elbows, fringe across the forehead, and eyes that were always bright and expressive. It was because of these expressive eyes of hers that she ended up always being a fairly open book to read.
And right now, that book was full of excuses.
“I’m so sorry Y/n! I swear I didn’t mean to miss your messages.” Her words tumble from her lips absolutely covered in honey- scratch that- sugar syrup. They were so sweet and patronizing that they were going to give you diabetes.
“All of them? It’s been a whole two weeks Ji-woo, and I’ve messaged you regularly throughout all of it to ensure you were doing your bit of the project.” It was clear that you didn’t believe a single word that exited her lip-gloss-painted mouth, and she was stressed over it.
People like her were why you were addicted to coffee. Hey, at least you weren’t as bad as Jaemin, the guy practically drowned all his sorrows in the bitter drink.
“I know—”
“You do?” You asked, pretending to be surprised. “Then why didn’t you answer those texts?”
Needless to say, you were not amused with being ignored, especially not when you had been working your ass off to get a good grade on this project. It was an important one, and you’d be damned if you didn’t do well just because of your partner who prioritized partying more than doing her work. There was nothing wrong with partying of course, but there was everything wrong with leaving your partner alone to do all the work while you rode off it scot-free.
You were mad. You had every right to be and Ji-woo knew it from the way she played nervously with the straw in her iced caramel macchiato.
“I—I promise to do whatever you give me to make up for it!” She bargained, a hopeful smile on her face. “I really am sorry Y/n.”
You definitely did not miss the way she completely evaded your question but decided to let it go. Exhaling, you collected every scrap of willpower you possessed before you started speaking so you wouldn’t snap at her.
“Fine,” you sighed, deciding to graciously give her another chance, much to her relief. “Handle half of the slides and make some notes. I’ve already most of everything anyway so this is all you have to do.”
“Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“I expect you to have it done a week before our presentation, okay? Start working on it today itself.”
She pauses, pressing her lips together. “I’m busy today but I could start tom- never mind, I’ll do it right away.” She shut up after catching the near-fatal glare you were giving her, collecting her things and drink, getting up and bidding you farewell.
Pinching the bridge of your nose, you sighed in exasperation. Karina noticed your distress and walked over and a fresh cup of coffee, placing it down next to your now lukewarm one.
“You look like you’ve been through shit,” She said dryly, tucking the empty tray under her arm vertically. You scoffed, eyeing the new cup, all too tempted.
“I didn’t order another.”
“I know, it’s on the house,” She winked, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. “You looked like you were suffering and my mother always taught me to have pity on the less fortunate.”
“I don’t know if I should thank you or give you a shove.”
She pat your shoulder in faux sympathy. “Both. Both are good. Also, your boyfriend is waiting for you.”
“My who?” You gave her a puzzled look because you were very much- in the words of Na Jaemin himself- painfully single. Karina had a mischievous look on her face as she pointed to the side of the store where Taeyong stood, holding his own cup of coffee. When he realized you had seen him, a lopsided grin plants itself on his mouth and he waved.
“Rina, that is not my boyfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend and even if I did, it definitely wouldn’t be Taeyong.” You mumbled softly, waving back. Then you beckon at him to come to join you at your table.
“Yeah right, but you wouldn’t complain if he was.”
You were a hundred percent ready to argue back, but Taeyong was close, and saying anything further would give you away, which you definitely didn’t want to happen. Instead, you settled for glaring at her as she slipped away while Taeyong took a seat opposite you.
“Hey! Oh geez, who stole your candy?” It was then you realized you were still wearing a disgruntled look on your face and shook your head.
“Sorry, I just met with my lovely partner.”
“Seriously? What were her excuses?”
This was why he was your best friend, he somehow knew things without you having to tell him anything at all. All you had to do was fill him in on the details. The two of you were just so in sync that you worked perfectly in every way.
You were definitely grateful for the new cup of coffee Karina had gotten you since your old one was almost over and now cold. As the drink kissed your throat soothingly, you remembered the question you had been dying to know the answers to.
“Did you ask her on a date?”
Taeyong was mid-sip when you asked the question, glancing up at you as he did so. He nodded.
Oh.
“.....Well?”
“Well, what?”
“She said yes, didn’t she?” You asked, forcing a gleeful tone. Taeyong stared at you in bafflement, probably at how you had deciphered that so quickly as you down the rest of your coffee, resting your elbows on the table and chin in your palms. “I’ll help you get ready for the date.”
In actuality, Taeyong was panicking. His initial plan was to just say that this hypothetical girl said no to him, but you had already jumped to conclusions and looked so excited about it that he didn’t want to rain down on your parade.
The indifference on his face made you sit up straight, a triumphant grin on your face. You see, Taeyong had the habit of pretending something hadn’t gone his way to fool you before he gave you the correct information, and this was no doubt one of those times.
“Oh it’ll be fun- just tell me what type of date you’re taking her on and I’ll style you.” You clapped your hands together, and your best friend had no idea how to tell you that you were extremely wrong.
Whatever god was out there was probably laughing at him, clutching their stomach and all.
So! New plan. He was going to just go with the flow, fake going on a date, and then somewhere down the road say he broke it off with this girl. It would be fine.
Taeyongs fatal flaw would always be his inability to say no to you. It was the reason you ended up being his wingwoman, he knew this- no matter how much he tried putting the blame on Doyoung (who would call him an idiot and a simp for being so easily swayed by you every damn time. Taeyong would have to agree).
“Dinner maybe?” He asked, suddenly forgetting everything he ever knew about dates. This was so stupid, he had been on a plethora of dates before, and he had had girlfriends. He knew what to do and how to do it but when it came to you, all of that knowledge he had built up over the years seemed to disappear inexplicably.
You nodded appreciatively at this suggestion, pushing the empty mug to the side. “Nice, somewhere fancy maybe? I heard that the new restaurant is pretty good.”
The devil on your shoulder was pulling at your hair for being such a professional idiot and genuinely helping him. The angel was proud, perplexed at the way you were going on about it- yes- but proud nevertheless.
“I guess I’ll be taking her there then,” He said, sucking in a breath and giving you a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks for all the help Y/n, I mean it. Even if I’m a little scared to see how you’re going to…style me.”
You threw him a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t really have the best fashion taste.”
You scoffed, offended that he would ever dare utter something so outlandish right to your face. “Excuse you, just because I don’t have the perfect clothing pieces does not mean I have bad style. I got the skill, just not the materials because they’re expensive and I live off ramen as it is.”
“You have no proof and therefore, due to my deeply inlaid trust issues, I cannot take your word for it.” He said this as solemnly as he possibly could, nodding his head slowly and swiftly pinching his lips to avoid laughing.
Lee Taeyong was the worst tier of insufferable.“Screw you.”
“Time and place.”
“Someday, you’ll go far—” You started wisely, “and I hope you stay there.”
“Rude? I should have never bought you that coffee.” He said in disbelief, bringing his hand to his heart as he got to his feet so that he could leave. You frowned in confusion even though his voice held a playful lilt because something there didn’t add up.
“You got it for me? Karina said it was on the house I- KARINA!?”
lesson #3: the date
Taeyong was what you would call fashionably challenged.
The reason you said this was because while his style was good, it had two sides. On one hand, he dressed well, like the twenty-one-year-old he was. It didn’t really matter, you supposed, because Taeyong looked good in almost everything he wore.
Ah but you see, he had range. He could go from that to grandma-core in a blink of an eye. And while it was certainly a look, it wasn’t date-worthy at all.
God knows you weren’t going to let him show up in that quirky knitted sweater he had gotten at a random festival. You would rather eat your fist.
“Let’s see,” You hummed, running your fingers over his clothes. You were standing in front of his closet, mentally trying to sort out what items of clothing would work well with each other. You had been there many times before, but those instances usually ended with you nabbing a hoodie or t-shirt you had taken a liking to and was going to claim as your own.
Looking through your own closet didn’t look much different at this point.
He had been through two outfits at this point and was confused beyond compare at this point. Never had he ever taken so much effort for a date, let alone for one that was completely fake, so he had no experience with this whole ‘pre-date drama’, as you had oh so eloquently put it.
The first outfit had been cute, but a little too casual for a dinner date at a potentially fancy restaurant. The tee paired with jeans was a classic combo, but it more suited going to his Monday morning lectures.
The second outfit was too formal, the dress shirt and dress pants screamed prom and while you had full faith in Taeyongs abilities to win Prom King, that wasn’t the vibe you were going for either.
“Here,” You thrust another set of clothes to him. “Go change into these and let’s see how they look.”
He nodded, taking the clothing from you and going to change. While he did that, you plopped yourself on his bed, taking your phone out and scrolling through Instagram to amuse yourself in the time he took. He had started out pretty talkative, but you supposed after all the fussing you had done over him till this point had dulled him down a little.
You looked up when he walked back out, adjusting the sleeves and folding them up a little- just to his elbow to uncover his forearms. The shirt itself leaned more on the formal lines, dark blue in colour, collar kissing his collar bones perfectly, and the top few buttons left unbuttoned on purpose. The end of the shirt was tucked into his jeans that were ripped at the knees.
Your eyes remained trained on his figure, widening ever so slightly as you did a full-body scan of the entire outfit. Was this you blatantly checking your best friend out under the guise of judging the appropriateness of what he was wearing? Absolutely.
Were you even slightly ashamed? Not really. Hey, a girl has got to be proactive, especially when she was in love with the guy who was going on a date with another girl right at that moment.
Your lips parted in surprise as you sat up. With the way you had styled his hair before (and of course, the fact that Taeyong was attractive anyway), you couldn’t even think of any way else to describe him.
Other than, of course, saying that your best friend was hot as hell.
“So?” He asked, looking at you expectantly., awaiting your conclusion. You swallowed thickly, trying to think of the words to say.
“You look….wow,” You settled for finally, cringing at yourself when you heard it leave your tongue.
Bemused, he shook some of the hair that had fallen into his face out of it, cocking his head to the side in the process. “Wow? What an articulate observation from the English Lit. major.”
He was teasing you now, and you rolled your eyes, getting to your feet and walking over when you realized a part of his collar was a bit messed up on one side. His breath hitched in his throat when you were close enough, reaching your hand up and folding it over in the manner it was supposed to be.
“It was a good wow,” You defended, flickering your eyes up to his. He was already looking at you, and the attention had you feeling a little dizzy. “And I’m better than you, Mr. I exchanged the word assonance for alliteration.”
“I’m not the English major here though.”
You yanked a little on his collar to get him to shut up, and he did so promptly, but not without letting a dumb smile settle on his lips. Arguing with you would forever be one of his favorite past times and he would never give up the chance to do so.
“Alright,” You mumbled, taking a step back and admiring your handiwork. “You’re all set to go.”
“Where?” He breathed out, still looking at you in that maddening way. He was so distracted by you that he had completely forgotten what he was doing at that moment
“Your date, you idiot,” You pushed his shoulder, snapping him out of his daze.
The date. Yes.
He coughed slightly, nodding as he got his things, ready to leave. “Right. Thanks for…you know.”
“Any time,” You said, flashing him an assuring look. “Now go get your girl.”
He left a few minutes, later and you watched him do so, the smile on your face fading little by little with every second that passed. When you heard the door of his apartment click shut, you finally dropped the cheery look on your face, all sobered up.
You wondered how Taeyong would be on a date. He was confident, it was one of his most attractive features and you knew that he had this quality about him that had everyone charmed. He would be the sweetest on a date, no doubt, making sure his date was comfortable above everything else.
You almost wished that date was for you.
Irony was quickly becoming one of Taeyong’s least favorite things.
On approaching his car, he opened the door and placed himself in the driver's seat, letting out a sigh. He didn’t start the car, nor did he even switch the radio on. All he did was take his phone out and open Tiktok.
Ah yes, what an excellent date.
The consequences of lying about having a date meant that he had to go through the entire pre-date drama he had mentioned before, without actually going anywhere. It was why he now had two whole hours to kill without a single thing to do. His fancy ‘date’ consisted of scrolling through random people enthusiastically dancing to Lizzo’s About Damn Time and some dude whose money didn’t jiggle. Instead, it folded.
It was just as depressing as it sounded.
Good for the guy honestly, sounded like he was financially stable.
Taeyong wondered how his life had come to this. He ran a hand through his hair, successfully messing up the way you had carefully helped style it in the process. There were very few moments in his life when he had felt truly like an idiot, and this instance, in particular, took the first spot, dethroning whatever held that position before it.
The car was warm. He switched the air conditioning on and resumed watching the thirty-second video clips that were the reason his attention span had degraded so much.
He figured he deserved this, considering all he had done the past few weeks was lie to your face. Granted, the lies came from a place of protection- protecting himself from potentially getting rejected and protecting you from being disappointed about not being able to be his wingwoman.
But they had evolved from him simply omitting the truth by not being honest about how he felt to getting dressed in a really nice outfit with nowhere to go but two whole hours to kill in his car. It had him thinking over his life decisions, and anything that had him going all existential was immediately a bad thing.
This was definitely a downgrade. From actually going on dates and having girlfriends to faking dating someone because he was hopefully taken with you. He remembered the first time he realized was when you made the joke about getting married if the two of you were still single by the age of thirty-two and not being opposed to the idea. In fact, he rather liked the sound of it.
It was all downhill from there, and even though he considered it as such, he still smiled at the thought.
Two mind-numbingly boring hours later and another Tiktok sound that would be inevitably stuck in his head for the next two weeks minimum, he decided it was now acceptable to go back to his apartment.
When he was younger, his parents had always been proud of how responsible he had been, how he barely ever wasted time.
Oh if they could see him now. One hundred and twenty minutes of his life he was never going to get back.
He slid his keys into the lock, twisting them and pushing the door open. His apartment was quiet, and he wondered if you had gone back to your own as he slipped his shoes off. He unbuttoned another button on his shirt and walked into his bedroom, freezing when he saw the sight that lay before him.
You were asleep in what he could only describe as the most uncomfortable position known to humankind. You were still sort of sitting, curled over his pillows that were propped against the headboard, one hand held out as you held your phone weakly. It was just about to slip out of your fingers and hit the ground, but he managed to walk over in time to lunge over and catch it.
Taeyong scoffed, but the ghost of a smile played on his lips as he placed your phone on the little bedside table. He knew all too well that you would complain to no end when you woke up after sleeping like that, and so he carefully picked you up and adjusted your position, before tucking you under the sheets.
His heart was fighting its way out of his chest the more he looked at you. You were so peaceful as you slept, if you were awake he would have made a joke about it. Now, however, you were knocked out, and for once he didn’t have to lie. He didn’t have to pretend.
Leaning forward, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, mumbling a goodnight as he switched the lights off.
He’d whisper his confessions into the dark, where they would stay.
You were going to tear your hair out.
It had been more than a week since you met up with her to talk, and Ji-woo hadn’t done even a thing from the lot she had promised. You were tired from all your classes and the extra guest- lecture you had attended. Not to mention the fact that midterms were coming up and you had to spend time finishing other assignments for other classes along with your general studies.
You were exhausted beyond compare and couldn’t even bear the thought of having to do her work as well. It was already two a.m and you were so damn close to breaking down- ugly tears and all- as you stared at your laptop screen and at the unfinished slides. So you did the one thing you could think of and called the person you knew would have your back, whether that was to help or assist in your breakdown.
“Y/n?” Taeyong’s groggy voice sounded through your phone speaker and you let out a sound that could only be compared to a wail in response to properly convey how you were feeling. You could imagine him sitting up in his bed and rubbing his eyes.
“The fuck? It’s ass o’clock in the morning, why are you calling me?”
“I’m screwed,” You whined, kicking your feet childishly under the table you sat at for effect though you knew he couldn’t see it. “Ji-woo, and pardon my french but that bitch hasn’t done anything and I’m so close to dropping out I-”
“Why are you awake right now?” His question cut through your complaining, causing you to shut up and frown.
“Did you not hear me? I’m going to fail because of this girl, Tae, that’s why I’m awake.”
“Go to sleep,” He groaned, “You’ll definitely fail if you don’t sleep enough.”
“Wow, thanks.”
You could hear some shuffling in the background, and you assumed he had put his phone down for a moment. Then, you heard him speak again.
“Be there in five.”
You blinked, not really knowing to respond to that, but it was all okay since he ended the call right then. You had called him to vent, that was it.
Needless to say, Taeyong was at your door a few minutes later in his sweats and a jacket to combat the chilly night air, giving you the most murderous look he could muster up. Those eyes of his really did it justice.
“You disturbed my beauty sleep.”
You don’t need it anyway, you thought. “I didn’t expect you to come over?!? Don’t blame this on me.”
“Oh please,” He glared, but it wasn’t serious in the slightest as he sauntered inside. “You called me in the middle of the night, and I’ve been your best friend long enough to know what that means. Are you telling me you didn’t want me to be here in the slightest?”
You could only give him a sheepish smile because it was 100% true. Then, your smile melted into a look of disgruntlement as you led him to the table in your living room, collapsing on one of the chairs while you gestured wildly to the blank slides.
“Nothing, nada, I’m going to fail.”
He sighed, joining you in your task of staring down the unfinished work. Not that was much to stare at, but he definitely pitied you for somehow landing the worst project partner of the year.
He could also tell how tired you were from just one look at you and how there was no way you would be able to get anything done like this. Slipping his jacket off, he hung it on the back of one of the chairs around the table and clapped his hands together. “Alright, we can do this, but first I need to know where you keep your kettle because you keep stress cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen.”
You looked at him, puzzled. “Huh? Why would you need that?”
“Because,” he walked into the kitchen, leaving you with no choice but to trail after him. “I’m making your coffee, there is no way in hell I’m helping you without some and you look like crap right now.”
You almost missed the dig at you, too surprised at the fact he was actually making your coffee. It had been a running joke that he never would because he was terrible at doing so, which was why you kept running to Starbucks.
“First of all, ouch.” You glared at him, taking your kettle down from one of the cupboards. “And secondly, are you really?”
“Yep,” he confirmed, finding the coffee beans by himself and taking the appliance from you, placing it on the fire. “After a cup, you’ll have all the motivation in the world.”
“I sure hope so,” you chirped, leaning against the counter. “God, I can’t believe she didn’t do it this time. She said she would.”
“You trust too easily,” He muttered, mostly to himself. The gravity of the situation had started to eat away at him more than before and he was guilty. You trusted every word that came out of his mouth and he just kept lying. He told you he had been going on more dates with the girl to make it more believable, you were overjoyed and told him to ask her to be his girlfriend.
It was all going wrong. All he had wanted to do was impress you that day.
“Maybe so,” you agreed quietly, pushing yourself off the counter. He poured the coffee into two cups that you got down wordlessly, the both of you working together perfectly even without any words being said.
Taeyong handed you a cup, and you wrapped your fingers around it to absorb the warmth, taking a cautionary sip so as to not burn your tongue. The bitter drink washed over your tongue and you savoured the flavour. It revitalized you, giving you back some of the energy you had lost.
“Holy shit,” You said in quiet awe, “This coffee fucking slaps.”
He chuckled in amusement, happy to have proven himself right. Even more so, he was happy to see you happy over something as minute as him making you some coffee. “I know,” He said smugly, “Come on, let’s get back to working on your project.”
You stopped, realizing how much you depended on Taeyong. Without him, you would have probably been throwing a tantrum right now, throwing stuff around your apartment and all. Within a short period of time, he had managed to put you together again.
“Yeah sounds good.” You murmured, warming your hands on the mug. He sighed, pointing the spoon he used to mix the coffee in your direction with a strict look on his face
“And you have got to stop staying up this late, you’re going to fall sick, and then I’ll have to stay over and take care of you.” He pretended to look as displeased as possible with that hypothetical situation. “Honestly, I’m at a loss for words with how bad your sleep schedule is.”
Despite being at a loss for words, he continued to lecture you.
You put the cup down and moved towards him, wrapping your arms around him and tucking your face in the crook of his neck. The hug caught him off guard, but he returned it almost immediately, his own arms around your frame and lips pressing a soft kiss into your hair as if he could sense you needed the comfort.
“Thank you,” you whispered, shutting your eyes and pretending for a moment. Every day you had to remind yourself that there was someone else he was interested in because of things like these. He assured you with the usual ‘don’t mention it’ and whatnot, but you weren’t paying attention.
Just a moment.
final lesson: how to ask her to be your girlfriend
“I can’t believe you still haven’t told me who she is,” you said incredulously. “This might be the longest you’ve ever kept a secret from me, so maybe if you would just-”
“I’m not telling you.” He seemed adamant about keeping it a secret and part of you were starting to wonder if you were ever going to meet this girl. You exhaled in exasperation, throwing your hands up in defeat.
“It would be a lot easier to help you with asking her to be your girlfriend if I knew who she was, you know?”
But you knew better than to try and convince your best friend of something he had already made his mind up about. You were never going to get that girl’s name from his lips, so this entire thing was for naught. Besides, there was no point in competing with someone you didn’t know when it already looked like you had lost.
You really didn’t understand how you were supposed to help him make this ‘thing’ he had with her official when you knew next to nothing about her. If you had even a little information, you could put something meaningful together,
“Just seduce her into being your girlfriend.” You offered helpfully, not really having anything else to add. He gave you a deadpan look.
“Y/n, I am about as seductive as a cabbage.”
You snickered at that, somewhat agreeing with him. You were at his place, sitting opposite him on the couch with your legs criss-cross-applesauce. He mirrored your position, one hand propped up on the back of the couch. It was around this point in time when you were really starting to despise the wingwoman position you had landed yourself in because you couldn’t find a way out no matter how hard you tried.
Unfortunately, you had no one to blame but yourself for this predicament.
“I guess you’re screwed then.”
“Helpful,” He muttered dryly, shutting his eyes and leaning back properly. You would never understand his reluctance towards the topic.
“Hell no, you have a girlfriend to get.” You sat up and hummed, “Just be honest about what you feel for her and tell her. People always want to know what they mean to others, and if you tell her how much you appreciate her she’ll realize that you’re perfect for her.”
“But saying shit like that without messing it up is hard, and messing up in the middle would be embarrassing.” Taeyong pointed out, jutting his lower lip out in thought. He ran a hand through his hair- a habit of his- messing up the strands that somehow always looked good no matter what he did. They always fell back in place perfectly.
“Then you need to practice,” You said firmly, “Ever tried the mirror technique?”
“Mirror….technique?”
You started explaining what you meant by that. “You know when you practice what you’re going to say in front of a mirror, as you would when rehearsing for a part in a play?” He hummed at this.
“I haven’t tried that, actually.” He admitted, “I don’t think I’d be able to be serious about it.”
A solution to this sprung to your mind, but it was a selfish one. It was selfish because it was more due to the fact that you wanted to hear what he had to say for yourself than to actually help him in knowing what to say to make things official with this girl. Hey, what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, right?
“Just try it on me.”
Taeyong’s eyes widened slightly, lips parting in shock at your proposition. You quickly scrambled to elaborate on what you meant by that so there were no misunderstandings.
“I mean— just pretend I’m her! Pretend I’m her and say what you want to me and I can judge it for you.” You coughed, trying to rid yourself of the strain that had suddenly caught onto your voice. “Maybe it would be more helpful than talking to a mirror.”
He stared at you for a second, digesting this information before nodding slowly. He adjusted his position and pressed his lips together in thought, recollecting everything he wanted to say. It was an opportunity to test out what he had ever wanted to say to you without actually going out and admitting it.
The best-case scenario was the only thing he had to consider over here. There were no consequences, no backlashes, just an experience that he was much too cowardly to claim for real.
“We’ve been going out for a few weeks now.” He started slow, deciding to just go where his words took him. “And—”
Update; his words then failed him.
You see, it was the way you were looking at him, so focused and determined to listen to every word. It reminded him of the fact that he didn’t actually have anything to say because he had pretty much told himself that he would never be in this position. His mouth went dry and he had to swallow thickly.
It was getting easier to lie to you, little by little the white lies piled up on top of each other and disillusioned his sight. However, for some reason, right now no lies sprung forth. So he did the only thing he could think of.
He chose the truth. Sort of.
“You make me really happy,” he said, voice dropping in volume a little bit. That fond tone you had always envied for others slipped into it and the sides of his lips curled upwards slightly into the smallest boyish smile. “I love spending time with you because you make me feel like those moments could last forever. I love seeing you happy, but more so when you’re sad because then I can be the one to cheer you up.”
Your heart had a mind of its own, dancing violently in your chest at the way he spoke. It was a cruel joke that the world played on you, for you to be selfish enough to want to hear this, but so selfish that it hurt.
You couldn’t even look away, bound to your duty of listening to every word that left his honeyed lips. Words that weren’t meant for you and never would be, because you were the best friend. You had always been and forever would be just the best friend.
“I love your frowns and your smiles,” he continued, “And I want to be there for each and every one of those, so that’s why I’m asking.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
Yes.
No. You had very conveniently forgotten how to breathe at that very moment, air getting caught up in your lungs and throat. His eyes dropped down to your lips, making you want to lean over and perhaps press them against his own. Then you wanted to run far away and hide because the prospect of ever being able to kiss Taeyong on the mouth had you feeling so fucking dizzy-
“Y/n.”
Did he—
Did he fucking end his little speech with your name?
It served as a reminder, bringing you back to reality without even a semblance of mercy. One would think that him using your name there would only further your thoughts, but no. They dragged you back and rooted you to the ground from the clouds you had been previously walking upon.
Because you simply were not meant for that.
You blinked rapidly, sucking in a breath of air to calm yourself down. It was then that Taeyong realized his slip up of saying your name, alarmed at what he had done, and racked his brain on how to fix it.
“I used your name because I can’t tell you who she is,” He said all too quickly, cheeks flushed pink. Heat crept up your neck and to your own face, leaving it hot and flustered.
“Yeah, I gathered as much,” You said, clearing your throat because it seemed like your voice had gotten stuck. “That—that was good. Really good. She’ll definitely say yes.”
(You knew you would.)
When you start to mix the truth with lies, it gets harder to distinguish the two from each other.
Taeyong told you that the ‘girl’ had agreed to be his girlfriend in the end, every deceitful letter becoming easier to pronounce as time went on. That didn’t mean that he liked it any better, of course not. He hated that he had to continually lie to you, he hated the bitter taste it left on his tongue.
The guilt seeped in like poison, tainting everything. He started to use his ‘girlfriend’ as an excuse to avoid meeting up, saying something about having a date, or spending the day with her. Distancing himself from you to avoid feeling bad about it, and then proceeding to feel like a terrible friend for doing so.
Third ring of hell, party of one.
The cycle was one that was going to be hard to break, and the problem was that he had no idea where to start making a crack.
From seeing each other almost daily to maybe once a week if you were lucky, you missed your best friend. It was only natural to miss the person you loved, but it wasn’t just that anymore. You missed the Taeyong that was your rock, the person who agreed to grocery shop with you at three a.m, the best friend that you knew would respond to all your texts within seconds.
But you understood. You forced yourself to understand and come to terms with the fact that while you were his best friend, he had a girlfriend now- a girlfriend he was very clearly head over heels for. You would just have to learn how to deal with only seeing him occasionally. You would have to relearn how to be just a friend.
That was the funny thing about love, one would find themselves doing absolutely anything for the person they had feelings for. It didn’t matter if it hurt them, as long as the other was happy, it would be okay.
You finished 13 going on 30 by yourself on a lonely night, without the company of your best friend. You watched as Jenna finally realize that Matty was the one that was for her, and how she run after him. You watched her get heartbroken and rejected and go back to being thirteen. You watch as she marries Matty when she really was thirty. Two best friends, in love.
This time around, you didn’t fall asleep until the very end.
It was two days before the presentation of your project. You wished you could have said that you were doing great and that you had your shit together, that everything was going smoothly, but that would be a big fat lie. You already talked about your reluctance with lying.
The truth was that you did not, in fact, have your shit together. You needed more fiber in your diet.
Two days before the project and Ji-woo hadn’t sent in her notes. She hadn’t followed up on her aural part of the presentation or anything to do with the project and you were done.
You really didn’t like Kim Ji-woo.
Unlike the other day, it wasn’t late at night. It was only eight in the evening, but you really didn’t feel like pulling another all-nighter because your partner decided to be irresponsible. Truly you had never met someone so hard to work with and you hoped you never would again. Working alone would have been better than having to put up with this nonsense since that was what you were essentially doing anyways.
Perhaps it was your fault for ever trusting that Ji-woo would do her work. You should have known better than to be so naive- like Taeyong had said. Your problem was that you were too trusting.
Taeyong
Right. You took your phone out and fumbled with it, clicking on his contact and holding the phone up to your ear. If there was anyone that would help calm your nerves, it would be him.
Wait. No. You pull the phone away and stare at the call screen for a moment, the picture you had taken of the two of you to put as the background. You were mid-hug, your own face was almost completely hidden while he displayed one of those brilliant smiles of his. It was a sweet picture, one you cherished.
Then you looked at the contact name, the way you had typed in ‘yongie<3’ with a little dragon emoji next to it. The original one never had the emoji, but since he knew the passcode to your phone (and had one day managed to convince you into adding his fingerprint in as well), he had broken in once and added it.
You click off the call, pressing your thumb onto the little red phone icon to end it before he could even pick up. There was no point trying to reach him, he would probably be busy with his girlfriend. Or something else. That thought has your gut in a twist because never before had you thought like this.
Since when had he ever been too busy for you? He had had girlfriends before and you had always been the best friend even then, watching from the sidelines. Even then, he never made you doubt what you meant to him. Even in a relationship, you were his favorite girl.
The fingers of your other hand curled into a fist, and you clenched it, swallowing hard. You missed him so fucking bad and you wanted nothing more than to call him. To hear him tease you about something and then show up anyways.
Where was your best friend when you needed him? For some reason, the fact that you were drifting felt like it was all your fault, and you had no clue on how to fix your mess. You wanted to be able to call him without second-guessing yourself and crossing your fingers, without biting your lips and hoping that a certain other girl hadn’t already taken up his time.
When you needed it most, your best friend was nowhere to be found.
It wasn’t just the project. It was the fact that you were head over heels for the boy and it would never be known to him. It was the fact that there was no one else you wanted as badly as Taeyong. You wanted to be the girl he spoke about fondly, the one who he took on dates and the one he called his.
But you weren’t. Instead, you had been a complete idiot and assisted in the process of him falling in love with someone else. You thought it would help you figure out what he liked and who it was, but no, all it did was hurt.
You didn’t realize tears had welled up in your eyes until one trickled down your face to your chin. You sniffed softly, bringing your hand up and wiping your face, screwing your eyes shut to prevent any more tears from spilling out because fuck, you hated crying over something you had no control over.
More quiet tears made their way out and to your surprise, you weren’t breaking down over your project. You were crying because of your broken heart and the pieces that lay around you helpless. Pieces you didn’t know how to put back together yourself.
It had never hit you as hard as it did right then, leaving you to cry into the palms of your hands. You were crying for the loss of a lover, over having him slip out of your fingers and never even trying to hold on. You were crying for the loss of your best friend, who seemed to not value you as important enough anymore.
Your phone lay unattended on the table. You missed the quiet buzzing of a return call, the notification of a check-up message. It didn’t matter anyway, because when you did go to check, you found out that the message had been deleted.
You were starting to feel a lot like that message.
From the moment he saw your name light up his phone screen, Taeyong had been worried.
He hesitated to answer it for just a second too long, but it was that second that fucked everything up. The call ended right before he could even pick up his phone and there weren’t any follow-up calls. This was extremely unlike you because when you wanted to reach him, you would keep calling until you got tired of it or he picked up.
He waited for the second call. Nothing.
It was then he called you back, wanting to check up on you. It had been a week to ten days since he last saw you, something he hated with every fiber of his being.
When you didn’t pick up, his stomach sank. He opened your texts, looking at how far back the last one had been, before pulling the keypad open and starting to type out a message to you.
[8:24 p.m.] yongie 🐉: hey, something up?
Fuck, that sounded weird for some reason. He backspaced, biting the inside of his cheek as he contemplated what to say.
[8:24 p.m.] yongie 🐉: u good?
He pressed send and then almost immediately regretted it. He dropped his phone and groaned aloud to no one in particular, looking up at the ceiling of his apartment. He missed hearing your set of keys jingle when you were outside the door, he missed your spontaneous visits. Without you, his home didn’t really feel much like one.
He deleted the message hurriedly and decided to call it a night. He would deal with all of this tomorrow when he had a fresh mind after a good night of sleep. Before bed, he checked to see if you had seen the deleted text.
You had.
The walk to campus the next day was lonely. He even waited at Starbucks for you, but you were nowhere to be seen and he was going to be late, which left him no choice but to go ahead without you. It felt wrong to walk without you chattering along by his side.
He missed it.
So when he saw you walking through the hallways, reading some notes you had out, he knew he had to talk to you. He walked over and cleared his throat, gently tapping your shoulder to attract your attention. You stiffened, turning around to look at him.
Your expression relaxed just a bit but stayed guarded to an extent. He gave you an impassive smile, pressing his lips together to form a thin line to cover up the surge of guilt that rushed through him after going so long without seeing you. “Hey.”
“Hi.” You said softly and immediately he could tell something was wrong. Your demeanor was completely different from what he was used to, closed off and voice clipped. You held your notes close to your chest, waiting for him to continue with what he was going to say.
“Can we talk?”
Talk, talk, talk. You wanted to talk to him so bad, but you knew that after you had finished it would be another week before you saw him again. Plus, you only had a day before the project left and so much to finish, you couldn’t be here wasting your time on a feeling that would only last a few minutes.
“I’m busy, got a project to finish.”
“It’ll take five minutes,” he promised, “I’m guessing Ji-woo didn’t do her work?”
“She didn’t,” you confirmed, “Would have been helpful if I knew I could count on you.”
You didn’t mean to say that to his face and you definitely didn’t mean for it to come out so harshly. He looked taken aback, blinking slowly at your sudden outburst.
“I—I saw your call,” he mumbled, “It’s why I want to talk to you.”
You felt a little bad for springing that upon him so abruptly and so you agreed- out of pity, of course. You weren’t doing this because you were hopeless in love with him, you weren’t doing this because of some sort of futile hope. Definitely not. You were doing this because you felt bad and possessed empathy.
Wow. After all this time, you had finally started lying.
You nodded, and he gave you another one of those pretty smiles of his, this time a little brighter. Cocking his head to the side, he gestured towards an empty lecture hall that you could speak in. You followed him inside, noting that it was the same one you had to visit every Wednesday when you were a freshman.
It was quiet now. He turned to you and let out a sigh.
“You didn’t call again,” he said finally, “That’s not like you and I got a little worried so—”
You wanted to groan. While you had been overthinking and crying like a little bitch, he actually noticed. He got worried and thought about you and you hated the way that little piece of information had butterflies erupting in your stomach.
Because you’re angry, and being angry and in love at the same time was not the most optimal combination. It had your stomach fluttery and your mind pissed at you for being so affected by every little thing. It wasn’t your fault, you were just a girl in love.
“Stop. I’m fine, you can see that, can’t you?” You cut him off and once again it was like you had no control over your tongue. Hurt was thrown into the already mess that your feelings were right then, and it was ugly. You shut your eyes, regretting your words immediately.
“Sorry. I’m having a bad day.”
He knew what that meant, you had said the same thing all those days ago when you had gotten all snappy at him. Whenever something was wrong, you tended to hide it under the fact that you were supposedly having a bad day. This time, however, he wasn’t going to let you go without figuring out exactly what was troubling you.
“You’re not fooling me with that,” he said firmly, “Something is bothering you. Tell me.”
This was why you didn’t want to have this conversation. Taeyong could always see right through you and dealing with this was not on your agenda for the day.
“Taeyong—”
“You can trust me, you know? I’m your best friend.” There was a hint of offense in his voice. He was sad that you seemed to not want to share what was causing your shitty mood, even though all he wanted to do was help. After all, that was what best friends did, was it not?
You narrowed your eyes at him, your anger overriding your affection. Scoffing, you asked, “Best friends? Is that what we are?”
He looked bewildered but answered assuredly, “Always.”
“Right, because best friends avoid and ignore each other,” You scowled, taking a step away from him. “You haven’t been a best friend in weeks, Taeyong, so don’t pretend that you suddenly are now.”
It was the way that guilt took over his features so damn quickly; you knew that you hadn’t said a truer thing ever before. For weeks you had been trying to convince yourself it wasn’t so, that you were just reading too much into things, but you hadn’t. He had been avoiding you, you had hit the nail right on the head.
“Y/n I— I didn’t mean to, I swear,” he said earnestly, those eyes of his going round and insistent.
You raised your hand to shut him up, which did the trick pretty effectively. Immediately, he clamped his mouth close and you looked at him sharply.
You asked, “I get that you have a girlfriend and all, but does that mean you forget about me?”
“Please if you would just—” He was panicking slightly now because of the fact that he was realizing exactly how far he had taken things. The lies had created a mountain, one that blocked his view of you and how you were doing.
Pride comes before fall. The act as up, for he had been standing so tall on his metaphorical mountain, he forgot the person who helped bring him up there.
But he didn’t, he didn’t forget, which only made this worse. He did this to protect you- no, that was a lie. He did this to protect himself. Coward, chicken, scaredy-cat.
“And I understand that you’ll never love me as you love her,” you exhaled, your throat feeling as if it had been pricked by several needles all at once, a strained pain that seemed to refuse to leave. Your eyes were wet, and you refused to cry but fuck, you might just start.
“So fuck me for falling in love with you,” you said. “But the least you could have done is be there for me like the best friend you claim to be. Somewhere along the path of you falling for her, you forgot about me.”
Confessions were supposed to be sweet and gentle, something that caught you from the fall that was love. Yours was nothing of the sort, instead a horrid sharp punch to the gut as he stared in horror at what he had done.
You loved him?
“Y/n,” he whispered your name as if it was something fragile. If he said it too loud, you would have crumbled right then and there. Then again, you were doing that anyway, right in front of his eyes.
“I just want you back.”
“I’m sorry.”
He didn’t even think to tell you how much he fucking loved you back, because all he felt was this overwhelming guilt. It was taking over him and he despised himself for being the reason you were like this. You were right, he had been the worst friend in the world to you.
‘I’m sorry’. The words taunted you and you almost laughed. ‘I’m sorry I was a shitty person. I’m sorry you fell in love with me.’
You sniffed, turning around on your heel and walking to the door, leaving the classroom without another word. You had nothing to say and wanted to leave before those tears made their way down your face and reminded you once again of what you would never have and never be.
You felt pathetic.
No one told you that there were repercussions for falling in love with your best friend. There really shouldn’t have been, but love was harsh. Love wasn’t like it was in the movies because you weren’t in one. Heartache was cruel and you were nowhere near prepared for the impact that it left on you, the hollow feeling you didn’t know how to fill.
From wingwoman to wreck, teaching Taeyong to fall in love and win the heart of another girl had never been a good idea, and you were insane to think so.
You were sorry too.
Taeyong didn’t have much love when it came to the romance department.
He said this for several reasons. The first was his terrible habit of tending to chicken out of situations often instead of owning up. The second was the fact that he had managed to fall in love with his best friend and break her heart all in the same breath.
The third was because somehow, he always went to the same person for advice.
Doyoung stared at his best friend, wondering how he always ended up being the therapist. Taeyong had showed up a few minutes ago, looking absolutely distraught and panicked, and although he had been pissed over his study time being interrupted, he knew he couldn’t just leave him there.
And so here he was, raising an eyebrow and prompting his friend to continue.
Taeyong sighed, feeling more like an idiot as time went on. The irony of him going to someone who had barely any experience in terms of dating for help was utterly ridiculous, but he kept finding himself in that position over and over again.
“I fucked up.”
Doyoung snorted. “You always do that.”
The former glared, “I’m serious. I fucked up so hard that I have no idea how to fix it.”
You were in love with him. He fucking apologized for pushing you away instead of saying it back like the absolute dumbass he was. He was in love with you too and he failed to tell you in time.
“Fine, fine,” Doyoung sighed, pushing away his textbooks when he realized his friend was serious. He had watched the two of you dance around each other for so long, what was a few more minutes of his life dedicated to it? Plus, he was admittedly a little invested in it now.
Yes, Kim Doyoung was potentially a whore for drama. And what about it?
Taeyong sucked in a deep breath and then started from the top. He told Doyoung the entire story, starting from that day so long ago at the library when he had dressed a little nicer than usual and used his good cologne just to impress you. He told him how you misunderstood his actions to such an extent that he ended up with you being his wingwoman.
He told him about how you helped him gather up the courage to ask this hypothetical girl out, and how you got him ready for the date. He was ready for the inevitable snickers around the part when he confessed that he sat alone in his car for two hours just to pretend he was at that date.
How he lied and ignored you and made every possible bad decision in the book along the way. You were right, after all, he really did need someone to guide him in the art of love, a wingwoman.
Preferably one that wasn’t you.
Once he was done, Doyoung was looking at him like he had grown another head. He probably deserved that, if he was going, to be honest with himself.
“You’re stupider than I thought.”
“I didn’t come here to be verbally abused, I came here for assistance.”
“You’ll get your assistance but first I have to remind you of how absolutely idiotic you’ve been,” Doyoung deadpanned, leaning back in his seat. “You apologized? I mean, at least you have your manners down.”
Taeyong groaned, burying his face in his hands. Just because he knew this was called for didn’t mean that he liked it any better. He waited for a moment for the other boy to continue, but nothing came.
“How do I fix this?”
……And now Doyoung was looking at him like he was a maniac. “You’re kidding.”
“Dead serious.”
“You seriously don’t know how to fix it?” He asked incredulously. “Why do I hang out with you again?”
“I swear to god-”
“You have a pretty face but your head is empty,” Doyoung grumbled, getting up from his seat and turning it around so he could sit on it backward, properly facing his obviously challenged friend. “You have to tell her the truth.”
Taeyong paused, remembering how much you disliked lying. Doyoung was right once again (unfortunately), the best thing to do was to come clean about everything that had happened, even if it ended with you hating him even more than you did currently.
So that meant he had everything to lose, but also everything to gain if things went right. He had to bet on it swerving the right way.
Begrudgingly, he admitted. “You’re right.”
“Hah, I always am.”
Your love for Taylor Swift was something you made sure Taeyong knew from the very start, where that was him having to listen to all your borderline insane theories over the next album she was going to release, or the songs that somehow were connected. He sat through them every time, not really paying attention to the content of your words, but more so to how your eyes sparkled with excitement over something you were truly passionate about.
Turning to Doyoung for help when it came to his love life was bad, so turning to songs written by an eleven-time Grammy award winner was a significant step up.
Stand there like a ghost
Shaking from the rain, rain
She'll open up the door
And say, are you insane, -ane?
It wasn’t raining- thankfully- so he had to settle for an apology that was a little less dramatic. He was pretty sure he knew what he was doing for once, so all he had to do was actually go through with it.
He rang your doorbell twice in succession, which was a habit of his. He was the only person who did it like that, so the moment you heard it from where you were sitting in your bedroom (and sulking), you knew that it was Taeyong waiting out there for you. You cautiously swung your legs over the side of your bed and padded to the door, hesitating for a second before opening it.
You didn’t say anything when you first saw him standing there, instead, you silently held his gaze, gripping the side of the door. Taeyong gave you a crooked smile.
“Aren’t you going to ask me if I’m insane?”
You frowned, “I don’t follow.”
He shrugged before sobering up and biting the inside of his cheek. He knew you better than anyone did, down to your littlest habits that you didn’t know you did yourself. He could see the hurt in your eyes that you had disguised as indifference and apathy, and he was somewhat comforted by it. It meant you loved him just as he loved you.
Say it's been a long six months
And you were too afraid to tell her what you want, want
“The song said you would,” he said, hoping to at least crack a chuckle out of you, “Fine, I’ll continue and tell you why I’m here.” He shut his eyes for a moment and gathered his wits. “I would say it’s been a long six months but I saw you a week ago so.”
As if something had clicked in your mind, you gave him a look that was a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. “Shut up,” Your breathed out, unbelieving that he was actually doing this, “you’re not seriously—”
And then you say—
“I lied to you. A lot.”
So maybe he was thwarted from the original lyrics, but it had to be done. The moment he said those first few words, he could feel the weight of it all roll off his shoulders. He should have never lied in the first place because you were his best friend and you didn’t deserve that at all.
He was going to make this right. He was going to get his girl.
You blinked slowly to silently tell him to continue with whatever he had to say. It wasn’t like you had anything better to do anyway, and you were admittedly now intrigued to see where this was going.
“And I know you hate lying, but I promise it’ll all make sense.” Taeyong was nervous because as he had mentioned earlier, he had never thought about asking you our or every properly telling you how he felt. There were always a million excuses he fell back on to justify this decision, but for once everything depended on him putting those aside and doing it anyways.
“Do you remember the day at the library?”
You nodded because how could you forget? “You were trying to impress your girlfriend.” The word ‘girlfriend’ was said bitterly, you didn’t even try to hide it anymore. It wasn’t like you had to anyway, you had already outed yourself to his face.
He shook his head, “No, I was trying to impress you.”
And now you were confused and it was apparent on your face from the way your brow knitted and your lips turned downwards into a baffled pout. “I’m sorry?”
“Y/n,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper. It was barely loud enough, but due to the silence of the hallway outside your apartment and your own anticipation, you heard it. The way he said your name made you almost flinch, but his next words had the wind knocked out of your lungs.
“I love you too.”
Too, because he hadn’t responded to your own proclamation before. Too, because he returned those very feelings that you had harboured for so long towards the boy. Too, because your affections weren’t in lonesome, and too, because it was an assurance.
I love you too, and the world stopped just for a minute as you sucked in a breath, your heart beating faster as if reminding you to breathe. Could he perhaps hear the way it hammered against your chest?
“You love me,” You repeated his words in a whisper as if you couldn’t believe it. “Taeyong I don’t think—”
“Stop thinking then,” He said quickly, looking down at his shoes. “I lied because I was scared. I was scared that you wouldn’t see me the same way and then I just kept letting that lie get bigger and bigger. There isn’t another girl, there never was, because the girl I wanted the entire time was you. For fucks sake I faked going on a date! Do you know how boring it is to do nothing for two hours in your car?”
You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of your throat, tears springing to your eyes. The information was overwhelming for you had never even considered this happening. You had settled firmly into your role as the best friend, the wingwoman, so much so that you had forgotten if there was anything after that. Your feelings had piled up so high that you couldn’t see what was behind them.
His own lips curled into the most affectionate of smiles at your laugh as he took a step closer to you. He reached out, hesitantly cupping your face with one hand, thumb brushing over your cheekbone gently. You leaned into his touch, placing your own hand over his.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Yeah, Doyoung said that too.”
More laughter, your eyes turned into little crescents of joy at the mention of your shared friend. Taeyong studied your face, picking up on the little things he loved so much about you.
“I love you Y/n, and I love you because you’re the one who I want to go with to the grocery store in the middle of the night, the one I want to call when something happens. I love seeing your caller ID on my phone, and the fact that you stayed with me to build that stupid set of lego flowers that still sits on my chest-of-drawers back home.”
His eyes- those eyes you adored so much- looked at you with so much emotion. You were positively enchanted by your best friend, as you had always been, and you were sure you always would be.
“I love when you show up at my place unannounced or drag me along to cook with you even though I end up doing most of the cooking because you suck at it. I love it when you call me at the worst hours possible and the look on your face when I show up.”
He dipped his head down a little, an infuriating little simper on his lips. “I love your smiles and your frowns, Y/n, because I love you.”
You thought you were going to start crying, because fuck, he was talking about you the way you had always wanted to be talked about. In that fond tone of voice where anyone could see how much he truly cared, he was using it for you. No matter how many times you had imagined that happening, nothing could ever beat the real thing.
“Stop it,” You choked out, hitting his arm, “You’re going to make me cry, you dumbass.” But you were smiling, blinking away the happy tears that were threatening to spill. “ Since you love my frowns so much, you’re forcing me to say this with the most unpleasant face I can muster up right now, but I love you too Taeyong, I have for an embarrassingly long time”
Your glower didn’t last very long, however, because you were too busy blinking rapidly to stop yourself from crying. It felt amazing to be able to say those words to him and have him say them back to you in the way you had always wanted. As something more.
He let out an offended sound. “Embarrassingly? I just poured my heart out to you and you classify it as embarrassing I-”
You quickly shut him up by pulling him forward and pressing your lips to his, which did the trick pretty quickly. He kissed you back, his arms falling to your waist as he pulled you in even more until your body was flush against his. You smiled into the kiss, not caring that you were still standing in your doorway.
There were no fireworks like they said in books and movies, no cheers in the background or music. Instead, you were hyperaware of the way his fingers drew dizzying circles on the exposed skin of your hips from how your shirt rid up and how his mouth moved against yours.
You memorised every second of your first kiss with your best friend, eyes fluttered shut and holy shit, you never knew a kiss could ever make your eyes flutter, but this one did.
The kiss was delicate, you slipped your arms around his neck and your fingers entangled in his hair, tugging ever so slightly. His lips were soft and cautious almost- he didn’t want to do anything you weren’t comfortable with.
You thought you fell just a little bit more in love with him.
Pulling away, you rested your forehead against his, eyes still screwed shut like you believed that it would all disappear if you opened them. A fever dream that you wanted so badly that you couldn’t bear the thought of it being ripped away from you. This time you clung onto it, holding it tight and you would never let it go.
You could still feel the ghost of his kiss on your mouth, something that you never wanted to forget. You let your hands slip from their position in his hair and down to his neck, trying your best to not giggle like a giddy schoolgirl.
It was by no means your first kiss, but the fact that it was with Taeyong, someone you truly loved, and not a random boy you had had a mild crush on made all the difference. He had kissed you like you were the only girl in the world, the only girl he ever wanted.
“So….do you wanna let me inside or do you wanna continue making out here in the cold hallway?”
“Fuck,” you muttered, a flush rising to your cheeks as you took a step away, having to bite down on your lower lip to stop your smile from showing. “Can we continue making out inside?”
He laughed, “Yes we can.” He was already pulling you back in after shutting the door, and you grinned, looking up at him. The boy had listened to Taylor Swift for you and loved you back, everything was perfect.
You just had one question though.
“Can we circle back to the fact that you faked going on a date or—”
“Not a chance.”
“I’m breaking up with you.”
Your boyfriend threw you a scandalized look at that statement, shaking his head as he took a few more steps. You were (surprisingly) not too far behind him, a grimace seemingly permanently etched into your face as you glared at him.
“Oh come on,” Taeyong protested, stopping where he was and helping you catch up to him. “It isn’t that bad.”
“You woke me up at four a.m for this! The sun is still asleep.” And it was because the sky was still a deep purple colour at five a.m. You were close to destroying all his chances of having offspring in the future.
“That’s…..that’s why it’s called a sunrise hike genius, you’re supposed to finish the hike to see the sun come out.” He deadpanned, a droll expression on his face at your whining. You knew he didn’t really mind it and was simply amused.
“If the sun isn’t awake, we shouldn’t be either.”
“What, are you a plant or something? Do you need photosynthesis?”
There were boyfriends that let their girlfriends sleep in on days off, and then there was Taeyong who practically dragged you out of bed to go on a stupid hike. For someone who constantly told you how fucked up your sleep schedule was, he wasn’t really helping fix it, now was he? Hypocrite - a cute one- but a hypocrite nonetheless.
“I’m trying to be romantic and this is how you act?” He asked, an infuriatingly adorable pout resting on his lips. You had to pinch your lips to stop yourself from smiling because if you did, he would never let you live it down.
“Taeyong, I love you, but nothing is romantic before ten.”
He simply rolled his eyes, reaching out to take your hand and help you climb up a jagged bit of the trail. You stumbled slightly and he slipped his arm around your waist to steady you so you wouldn’t fall flat on your face, making sure you found your footing. You mumbled thanks under your breath, shaking your hair out of your face and dusting your pants.
“Come on,” He said, squeezing your hand, “We’re almost there anyway. I promise it’ll be worth it.”
You would never understand how he thought this was relaxing or romantic in the slightest because you were already tired and your hair was sticking to your forehead due to it being weirdly hot that morning.
The things you did for this boy. You silently scoffed at yourself as you followed him, this time managing to stay in step and not fall too behind. You didn’t even have any caffeine in your system right now and he knew how much you needed your daily fix of it. The fact that he had managed to get you out here without that was a miracle in itself.
The two of you had made it official a few days after he told you that he loved you back, much to Doyoungs relief more than surprise. He had been tired of being subjected to your mutual obliviousness and was probably the first and biggest supporter of the relationship, but not without pointing out how much of a third wheel he had always been.
Taeyong was an amazing boyfriend, even when he made you wake up much too early for your liking. Being with him was incredibly natural and the two of you worked perfectly together as if it had been made to be that way all along.
The sky was now a lighter colour, indicating that the sun was rising. The trail was almost finished, and Taeyong stopped where he was, a small smile making its way onto his face as he looked out at the view.
“We’re here,” He whispered, and you joined him, sucking in a breath- one, because you needed it from all the hiking and two, because god.
It was fucking gorgeous. He had been right, it really was worth the getting up early and taking the hike just to see how the sunrays filtered through the sky and spilled out over the city below, painting the sky with oranges and pink hues that blended into the blue.
“I…wow,” You couldn’t find the words to describe the beauty of the scene, forgetting all about your contempt over being awoken so early.
“Told you so,” he quipped, and you elbowed him, letting out an unamused laugh, turning to face him properly. Maybe it was more than the view that had you feeling the way you did right then like you were on top of the world. Maybe it was Taeyong right by your side, hand in hand with you. The glow of the sun just about flickered through his hair, giving him a gentle halo.
“You….were right,” you admitted finally, letting him wrap you in a hug and pull you closer. “And you know what? I’ll give it to you, this is pretty romantic. Even if you did make me exercise at five in the morning.”
He pushed some of your hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear. “Was that so hard to say?”
“Extremely. I’m never doing that again.” And with that, you pressed your lips to his for a short, sweet kiss underneath the rising sun atop the trail of the hike. Breaking away, you buried your head in the crook of his head, and the two of you stayed like that for a bit, basking in each other’s comforting silence.
Taeyong quite liked the outcome of the mess he made, somehow everything had worked out, and he promised himself he would never do something that stupid again. He would never let you go.
“Hey, Taeyong?”
“Yeah?”
There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation from you. “I love you.”
He would never, ever get tired of hearing that. The two of you had come a lot way, from a girl latching onto a boy because he was the only person she recognized, to both of you being everything to each other.
“I love you too.”
And that’s how it works, Taeyong thought, that’s how you get the girl.
fin.
#taeyong x reader#lee taeyong x reader#kflixnet#akademia net#nct-writers#neowritingsnet#nctcreations#ankathia#taeyong imagines#taeyong scenarios#nct taeyong x reader#nct 127 scenarios#taeyong fluff#taeyong angst#taeyong crack#nct 127 taeyong x reader#nct fanfic#nct 127#lee taeyong#taeyong fanfic#nct taeyong#nct 127 drabbles#nct angst#nct fluff#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 x oc#taeyong x oc#lee taeyong x oc#lee taeyong scenarios#lee taeyong oneshot
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patient love | pt.2
banner by the talented val @eerieedits ❣️
pairing ↠ taehyung x reader
genre ↠ roommate au | college au | holiday au | best friends idiots to lovers au | fluff, (eventual) smut, angst.
summary ↠ Taehyung considers himself to be many things, and stupid isn’t one of them. However, all it takes is one special person in his life to realise that he is, in fact, quite stupid, especially when it comes to his feelings. And you (said special person), are stupid squared.
word count ↠ 13.1k
18+ | warnings ↠ same confused feelings as pt. 1, less sexy things happening and now we have angst *sigh*
notes ↠ this is so overdue, i’m sorry. (christmas was like six months ago but it’s still set at the same time). i hope you enjoy it though! <3 i’ll try to be much faster for the next (and most likely final) part! xo (also some part feel a bit stilted and/or rushed to me but i’m getting back into the flow of things so please excuse me lol).
taglist is open!
“Are you suuure you don’t wanna come and see a movie with me?” you ask Jimin for the fifth time today.
He laughs, closing up the till before turning to you. “Y/N, I love you and I know you love me, but a movie’s just not gonna happen.”
“Oh, come on, we don’t have to watch a movie then, what if we go get something to eat?”
Jimin’s eyes narrow, scrutinising you. “You have leftover pizza at home from the party yesterday, which is your favourite when it’s reheated, and you wanna buy more food?”
Damn. He got you there.
Humming, you try to brush off his suspicions. “I’m just in the mood to go out, you know?”
“Not really.” He leans onto the counter to get a better look at your face. “Seems like to me, you don’t wanna go home for some reason…”
“What?” Your eyes widen for a split second before you attempt to relax. “Why would I not want to go home?” you ask quickly.
“I don’t know,” Jimin murmurs, still clearly suspicious. “What are you hiding, Y/N?”
I made out with my best friend last night, who is also your best friend— oh, and I did it whilst I’m seeing someone else and now I’m avoiding both of them because what else does a girl do in this situation?
You practically ran out of the house half an hour earlier than usual today, all because you wanted to avoid even seeing Taehyung. You haven’t said anything to him since last night, and you don’t know what you would say.
“Nothing,” you answer hotly. “I just wanna spend time with you, we only ever really hang out at the cafe, I thought it would be nice to spend time somewhere else.”
Jimin stands up straight, smiling. “That sounds nice, although I already made plans to meet with Namjoon and Hoseok for dinner today—“
“That’s fine, I’m cool with that,” you interrupt, jumping to your feet with a smile. “I’ll just finish off these tables and we’ll go, yeah?”
“Alright,” Jimin shrugs. “But don’t think I don’t know you’re hiding something,” he adds, turning back to finish cleaning the counters. “You’ve got a shit poker face.”
“It’s not that shit,” you mumble, picking up the last of the dishes.
Jimin looks up. “So you are hiding something then?”
You purposely busy yourself with cleaning the table. “No, I just don’t think my poker face is that bad.”
“Yeah, right,” he snorts. “You’ve got it on now, it’s shit.”
He’s right, and you know it, but you know you’ll give yourself away the more you try to fight it. Jimin definitely notices when you so blatantly try to change the subject though, asking where you’ll be going for dinner, but he says nothing else on the matter and goes along with it.
For Hoseok, however, the same attempt to change the subject doesn’t work.
“But you hate being out this late on a Sunday,” he states simply. “You’re always complaining about your lectures being so early the next day.”
Rolling your eyes, you pull the nachos away from him. “Well I clearly don’t mind today.” You take a bite and chew this slowly.
“Okay, fine,” Hoseok says, taking the nachos back. “You wanna spend Sunday night out…” For a second, you think he’s gonna drop it, but this is Hoseok — he misses nothing. “But you have a whole ass boyfriend and you wanna spend time with us?”
Scowling, you take the nachos from him again, ignoring the guilt that pools in your stomach as you eat them slowly. You haven’t spoken to Ivan since yesterday at the party; even after he called, you didn’t respond and only texted back this morning saying that you weren’t feeling great. You’re not quite sure how you’re supposed to face him after yesterday. Sure, he’s not your boyfriend, but he’s as good as considering you’ve been seeing no one else but each other since the first date, and he’s made it very clear how much he likes you.
Still, you’re always quick to remind yourself and others of it.
“He’s not my boyfriend, Hobi, I told you that already.”
“Okay,” he smiles. “Boy toy, hubby, whatever you wanna call him.”
Looking up, you arch a brow at him. “Hubby? Really?”
He shrugs. “My point still stands, why us?”
From beside you, Jimin groans quietly. “Hobi, just let it go, I wanna order some actual food now.”
“Yeah, Hobi, just let it go,” you repeat, snarking playfully.
Letting out a sigh, Hoseok leans back into his seat. “Fine, I’m just making sure things are good.”
Just before you can answer, a quiet snort comes from Namjoon. “From what I saw, they’re good.”
“Oh, come on,” you mumble, cheeks warming — you know now that Hoseok and Jimin are going to want to know what happened if Namjoon says anymore, and while normally you wouldn’t mind the inevitable teasing, you honestly can’t remember much of your kiss with Ivan.
Sure, you remember what happened and how it happened, but you can’t remember how it felt. Every time you think about it, your mind always returns to Taehyung, and the kiss you shared with him.
Hoseok perks up. “Ooh, what did you see?”
“All I’m saying is, if I didn’t come in when I did,” Namjoon wiggles his brows, “we probably wouldn’t have seen Y/N for the rest of the night—“
“Joon!”
“Sorry,” he says while grinning, and Jimin and Hoseok break out into laughter.
“I guess I won't be asking again then.”
Averting your gaze from their smiling eyes, you purse your lips together and tug on the edge of your sleeve.
None of them notice your unusual quietness in a moment like this, until a few seconds later.
After exchanging a glance you don’t see, Jimin nudges you gently. “Hey.”
Looking up, you hum quietly.
“This is good, right? Last time you weren’t so sure.”
Hesitating, you silently curse yourself for putting yourself in this situation — you hate you to your friends more than anything.
“Unless you’re still feeling unsure?” Hoseok says, reading you like a book.
As guilt creeps in on you, you shake your head. “I just don’t think I wanna talk about it.”
That’s all it takes for the guys to nod, and Namjoon stealthily changes the subject to last night’s football game.
Listening idly, your mind eventually wanders off. Even here with your best friends, you're shit at hiding what’s up and you know it won’t be long at all before they piece things together, Jimin was already doing just that back at the cafe. Besides, Taehyung is one of your best friends, you can’t hide from him forever.
It’s clear to you that you need to talk to him, but for some reason, you find yourself wanting to know what he thinks about all of this — does he feel as guilty as you? Does he also feel as confused as you?… You’re aware that you shouldn’t be feeling confused — you’re dating Ivan and Taehyung is your best friend, what happened last night was a mistake. And yet, you can’t stop the soft fluttering you feel in your chest whenever you remember the feeling of Taehyung’s hands on you.
It’s easy enough to pin it down as you just being a horny fuck, considering it’s been a long time since you’ve had any action, but you know for sure that you don’t feel this way about the moment you shared with Ivan.
A part of you questions why that is, the answer there in the back of your mind but you don’t let it surface. It's been such a long time since you’ve met anyone who makes you feel as comfortable and happy as Ivan does — that’s when you don’t consider the people who have already been in your life, Taehyung included. But there’s a reason you started dating Ivan, and you still stand by the decision to do so. Nothing’s changed with him, in fact, things are only going upwards and he’s probably anticipating hearing back from you after you nearly went to third base last night.
He’s also probably wondering why you haven’t responded to his calls from last night, and his texts this morning.
Turning your phone over on the table, you glance at the screen and suddenly your heart beats a little harder. Taehyung messaged you a little over an hour ago.
[18:34] Tae: hey, I’m gonna go grocery shopping today, do you need anything?
Huffing, you turn your phone over again. You don’t know what else you expected from him, and you actually did need more granola and fruit for your breakfast but he’s probably already gone and come back home by now.
The waiter finally appears with the food, and as you enjoy your food, you decide to stop sulking and join the boys in their conversation in the hopes of taking your mind off of Taehyung. Clearly sitting here and sulking isn’t helping you feel any better so you might as well try to enjoy the rest of your night out before you go home and deal with whatever is waiting.
“So, are we all going to that frat party next week?” Namjoon asks.
Through a mouthful of shrimp taco, Jimin asks, “The Christmas one?”
Namjoon nods in response.
“Yes, of course we are,” Hoseok says, topping his taco with extra guacamole. “Right, Y/N?” he adds without even looking your way.
“Yes, we are,” you answer, sounding almost sarcastic as you smile plastically at Hoseok.
He glances your way, shrugging when he catches your expression. “Was just making sure.”
Rolling your eyes, you turn your attention back to your food. “Is anyone dressing up for it?”
“It’s not Halloween,” Namjoon garbles with his mouth full.
“No, but it’s Christmas,” you say. “You can still wear a Santa hat or something.”
The boys mumble in response and you know they won’t bother with it, so you make a mental note to buy them all something festive to wear on the day.
Hoseok swallows his bite before looking around to catch a waiter's attention. “Who wants a drink?” he asks. “It’s on me.”
Just as he flags one down, a small chorus of “me’s'' comes from your table and the rest of the evening passes by quickly in good company. Though you don’t drink too much, not wanting to go home inebriated to end up doing something stupid again when you inevitably see Taehyung.
“You know I’m perfectly capable of walking home myself.”
“Mhm,” Hoseok hums merely in acknowledgement, keeping his arm linked with yours.
“Seriously, I didn’t even drink that much, Hobi.”
“I know you didn’t.”
Huffing, you try to pull your arm from his. “Then let me go.”
“I’m only holding you ‘cos I’m cold, you idiot,” he sighs, tugging you on as he keeps walking in the direction of your apartment.
Grumbling under your breath, you give up and walk arm in arm with him towards your apartment.
Hoseok hasn’t said much on the walk home, nor does he say anything else as you keep walking, but he walks you all the way towards the apartment entrance, stopping only at the bottom of the stairs leading into the building.
“Thanks,” you say, turning towards him. “You really didn’t need to though.”
He shakes his head. “I live five minutes from here, it’s fine.”
Humming, you’re just about to lean in to give him a quick hug before he talks again.
“Tae is probably already at home,” he says casually, looking up at the building briefly.
You hum again, unintentionally looking down towards the floor as you’re reminded of Taehyung and the fact that you’re about to walk in and see him.
“Something’s bothering you…”
Looking up, Hoseok meets your face with a concerned frown. You’re just about to say something, but he interrupts before you can.
“You don’t need to say anything, I’m not asking you to. I just hope everything is okay.” His lips turn into a small smile. “It’s been a while since you dated anyone and you were happy just a week ago but today when we mentioned Ivan, you just looked all stressed and tense.”
“I know,” you mumble with a sigh.
“Normally the start of a relationship is fun,” he continues with a cheeky smile, “honeymoon phase and all that.”
“I know,” you repeat with a whine, realising how right he is — not even a month into dating Ivan and you’ve already fucked it up for yourself.
Hoseok sighs, pulling on your arm to bring you into a hug which you welcome. “Take your time with everything, okay? Just because things have been good with Ivan doesn’t mean you need to feel like you owe him or yourself anything.” He pauses, pulling back as he hesitates before he adds, “and you’re always allowed to walk away if it’s not what you want.”
Features pulling into a frown, you stare at him. Have you made it obvious that something has happened?
“What makes you say that?” you ask.
He shrugs, concealing the slightest hint of a smile. “Just… maybe he’s not the one for you.”
Taehyung immediately comes to mind and you internally curse yourself. Before you can even respond to Hoseok, he’s already stepping away with his usual smile. “Get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Waving, you turn away and get ready to face Taehyung—
“Hey, Y/N!”
Hoseok’s voice has you turning around again.
“Think about what you want, okay?” he says, too cryptic for your liking.
“Huh?”
“I’m just saying, maybe there’s a good reason you’re feeling like this. Don’t overcomplicate it.” With a sly wink, he turns around and walks back down the road.
Taehyung hasn’t texted you since that last message. It’s been more than three hours since you’re normally home and you wonder if he’s perhaps waiting up for you to make sure you get home. Of course, he could’ve just texted, but maybe he didn’t want to seem like an overbearing friend after last night’s events – when his tongue was down your throat and you loved every second of it.
A part of you is annoyed that he hasn’t said more, or even reached out to ask to speak with you about it, although you don’t know what you would expect him to say… hey, Y/N, so that was a great kiss last night, let’s do it again sometime? Or, hey, Y/N, huge mistake last night, I regret it so much… — see that would just hurt your feelings.
Pausing outside your apartment door, you take a few seconds to collect yourself before entering.
The lights are all off except for the tall floor lamp which spreads its warm colour all throughout the room. You naturally walk in quietly, wondering if perhaps Taehyung has gone to bed.
But then you see his sock covered feet extending out from the couch edge, and as you approach, you’re immediately endeared by the sight of him sleeping on the couch, fluffy hair covering his forehead with an open book laying across his chest.
You can’t help the way your chest tightens and the sound of Hoseok’s voice returns to you, echoing what he last said to you, and as though the pieces are suddenly falling into place, you remember what Imani said to you in the kitchen last night just before Ivan turned up.
“Although, I have to be honest, I was surprised when I heard you were dating someone.”
At this, you frowned. “Why?”
Pursing her lips, she shrugged. “I thought there might be someone else, but I guess I was wrong.”
Has it been that obvious to everyone but you? Have you really been falling for your best friend this whole time?
Thinking about it now, it seems like it would be almost impossible not to… you’ve always found comfort in Taehyung, preferring his company to others and finding little reminders of his love for you in whatever way he chooses to show it, whether it be the sandwiches he makes and leaves in the fridge for you, or the random cheek kisses he gives you, or even the times he makes sure to pick up after himself, knowing how much you hate mess.
Just as you’re about to walk away to find a blanket to place over him, he stirs quietly, stretching his limbs as his eyes open groggily.
Pausing in place at the end of the sofa, your mind falls blank as he catches sight of you. His eyebrows furrow softly and he sits up, rubbing his eyes before closing his book.
“I fell asleep,” he mumbles.
Naturally, your lips turn into a smile. “Were you not supposed to?”
“No, I was…” his eyes meet yours and he trails off, lips parted. Looking at them sends a gentle shiver down your spine, a little reminder of last night.
It’s easy to see Taehyung is thinking the same. His eyes briefly flit down to your lips before shaking his head. “No, I wasn’t,” he says quietly.
He doesn’t need to say more for you to know he was staying awake to wait for you to come home. Though, since you’re home past midnight, he fell asleep.
Nodding once, you find yourself feeling a little awkward with him and it’s no doubt got to do with the fact that neither of you have said anything to clear the air about what happened last night.
“You’re not normally home this late,” Taehyung says, the soft tone giving away his underlying concern.
“Yeah, I know.” You purse your lips subconsciously, giving away your hesitancy as you play with the end of your coat sleeves.
As usual, Taehyung doesn’t miss this. Placing his book on the table, he stands up and takes a step towards you. “Have you eaten?” he asks.
“Mhm.”
“Well, d’you want some tea?”
Looking at him, you frown. “Why?”
Hesitating, Taehyung looks down at the space between you for a moment to collect his thoughts before he looks up, releasing a small sigh. “You’re avoiding me.”
You’re about to blurt an excuse and tell him it’s not true, but Taehyung quickly carries on, but not without taking another step that doesn’t go unnoticed by you.
“I don’t blame you,” he says. “Honestly, I was about to do the same but when you didn’t come home, I realised I don’t want both of us to avoid each other over something stupid like last night.”
Stupid. Of all the adjectives he could’ve used to describe last night, he just had to go with stupid. You almost want to laugh at yourself for being so naive, but another part of you is annoyed at Taehyung and you let out more of a scoff — he instigated last night more than you did, and you’re more than sure he was into it. So why does he now get to call it stupid?
Yet, as you look at him now, wearing an expression of apprehension and careful consideration, you realise you can’t be mad at him — he’s right, last night was stupid.
“We live together,” he continues. “It’ll be hard for us to avoid each other forever anyway.” He watches you carefully before tentatively reaching for your hand. His fingers curl around your palm as you meet his gaze. “And you’re my best friend,” he says softly. “I don’t think I’d be okay with not talking to you.”
Words catch in your throat and instead, you nod stiffly. Does he really not know how you’re feeling…? You feel like you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve right now and you imagine it would be easy for anyone to see the turmoil you’re in right now.
Clearing your throat, you break into a smile. “You’re right.” With a small squeeze of his hand, you let go. “We’ll forget it even happened, I don’t want us to be weird with each other either.”
Taehyung smiles, though you can still sense his hesitancy. “Good.”
“Well, I’m gonna go to bed now.” Picking up your bag, you turn towards your room and ignore the feeling of his eyes on you. “I have lessons all day tomorrow but I’ll be home by dinner.”
“Great, I’ll ask Seokjin if he can make your favourite then?” he asks.
Turning around at your bedroom door, you give him another convincing smile. “Sure, I’d love that.”
His smile widens and you feel your chest tighten. Thinking of being around him feels impossible all of a sudden, but as you say good night and close your bedroom door, you remind yourself that you’ve lived with him for this long without realising your feelings, so all you have to do is go back to that and focus your attention on Ivan.
Can’t be that hard, right?
“I won’t be seeing you again until after Christmas now, so please enjoy your holidays and don’t forget to turn in your assignments before the 18th!”
Your professor’s voice echoes in the lecture hall as everyone packs up, mumbling their greetings in return.
Being at the back of the class, you simply pack up and leave through the closest exit. Namjoon and Jungkook are waiting to have lunch with you but you need to quickly pop by the library first to return a textbook which is less than a few hours from putting a dent into your wallet.
Skipping up the steps in the main campus building, you mindlessly walk down a few more corridors. Well, not mindless — your head is full of thoughts, it’s just that they’re the same repetitive thoughts going through your head again and again. All to do with Taehyung as you aimlessly overthink all the encounters you’ve had with him recently.
Just as you reach the double doors of the main library, your phone begins vibrating in your pocket. Sliding it out, your stomach flips when you see Ivan’s name.
Pausing outside the library, you answer the call. “Hello.”
“Hey, Y/N.” Ivan’s voice is as calm as ever and you have to remind yourself that he, of course, has no idea about what happened between Taehyung and you.
“Hey, what’s up?” you respond, schooling yourself to calm down.
“Just a quick question, are you free tomorrow during the day?”
“Umm, let me check.” You quickly open up your phone calendar and see the day empty except for one class in the morning. So you’re free, but you ask yourself if you want to be free to see Ivan. A part of you wants to say ko, and to bury yourself in a pity hole where you can feel sorry for your stupid crush on Taehyung, but the logical part of you knows not to do that. You need to focus on yourself and that involves dating Ivan as you have been.
So you answer, “Yeah, I’m free after 12, why?”
“Perfect, would you like to come shopping with me? I have a few gifts I still need to get and maybe I can make you dinner after too.”
Despite everything that’s happened the last two days, the offer still puts a smile on your face. “Sure, that sounds perfect.”
“I’ll pick you up from campus around 12.30 then, yeah?”
“Yes, that's great.”
“Great,” Ivan says, and you can hear his smile through the phone. “Bye, babe.”
“See you,” you answer quickly, ending the call before your voice reacts to his pet name. Releasing a small sigh, you put your phone away and enter the library to make your way over to the self service station.
It makes you feel bad that you can’t even enjoy the possible start of something new with Ivan. He’s only ever been sweet to you and who knows, he could be the one! If only you weren’t so hung up on your best friend who you live with which only makes things worse.
As you scan your books to return, you remind yourself of the decision you made to focus on Ivan. Tomorrow is a perfect day for you to spend with Ivan and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy yourself.
“Y/N!”
An excited voice calling out your name has you freezing.
“Y/N Y/L/N!”
Again. It’s a voice that you hoped would never hear again, or at least not while you’re still in college.
Turning around slowly, you come face to face with one of the most beautiful girls you’ve ever come across, sporting a fake smile, though it’s so perfect you almost think it’s genuine.
Nisa Madan.
“Y/N, I knew it was you,” she says with a wave of her hand as she walks over to you.
“Hi,” you answer curtly with your lips pursed in a smile before turning back to your books. The quicker you return them, the quicker you get away from Nisa.
“It’s been so long,” she says, leaning up against your station.
“Has it?” you ask, your tone bordering completely unbothered.
“Yes, I last saw you like, what, six, seven, maybe eight months ago?”
“I guess, yeah.”
“So what are you up to these days?”
Pointedly swiping your student card at your station, you shrug. “Same as always.”
“Hm, that’s good to hear,” he says dismissively. “I was wondering when I might see you again.”
You merely hum nonchalantly, but Nisa keeps talking.
“It’s good timing really, I’ve been thinking a lot about you guys and how much I miss you.”
As you place the last book in the return basket, you feel the cogs whirring in your head, piecing together what she says before she says it.
“Well, actually, just Taehyung.”
There it is.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she says quickly, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Jin, you, and all the other guys were all great company, but, well, there’s just no one like Tae.” She pauses, shrugging with a small frown. “Or at least, no one who fucks like him anyway.”
Exhaling slowly, you turn to look at her stupidly perfectly face. You can’t blame Taehyung for having dated her in the past based on looks alone, or even considering she’s pretty smart too with above average grades, but personality wise, Nisa is unbelievably obnoxious.
It just occurs to you now, that maybe part of the reason you dislike her so much has to do with the not-so-little revelation you made just last night — maybe a part of you is just jealous of Nisa because she was the object of all his affections for almost a year.
That is, until she went and broke up with him.
Yeah, that is still the main reason you dislike her. You’d never seen Taehyung show so much care and attention to any relationship before, but Nisa had no care for any of that as she still fucked around with other guys and played with Taehyung’s feelings before calling it quits.
She knew she was using him all that time while knowing full well just how much Taehyung cared for her, yet she still put him through months of endless games.
Nudging her hand off of your shoulder, you smile as plastically as she does. “That’s good to hear, I’ll be going now so bye.”
Ignoring your attempt to end the conversation, Nisa chooses to walk in stride with you as you leave the library. “Maybe I’ll see you later on today, actually.”
“And why would we be seeing each other again?” you ask with a very obvious sigh.
“It’s like I said, I’ve missed Tae. I’d love to see him again, maybe like we used to, you know?”
It’s hard to stop the scoff that escapes you. “And what would Taehyung think about that?”
Pursing her lips, she takes a few seconds before answering. “I’d have to work on that.”
“Hm, and how do you plan on doing that?”
She shrugs again, about to answer when you hear a voice calling her. Pausing, she turns around.
You’re just about to use this as your chance to get away, when the same voice speaks again and his tone has you looking back.
“Where d’you think you’re going?” He’s a tall guy, must be around the same age as Nisa and you although you don’t recognise him. He approaches Nisa with a frown and she rolls her eyes, not so discreetly.
“I told you I’d meet you by your car, why are you here?”
As he towers over Nisa, you find yourself coming to stand close to her as though you’re waiting for her.
“You were taking long,” he says, grimacing. “And why is it I come up here and hear you talking about another guy fucking you?”
Nisa rolls her eyes again. “Get over it, Josh. You’re not the first guy I’ve been with and chances are you won’t be the last.”
As Josh stands there momentarily dumbfounded, Nisa uses this as a cue to turn back to you.
“So,” she says, carrying on right where she left off, “how about I start by having lunch with you?” She slips her arm into yours as you walk down the corridor.
“Wait, what?” you ask, mind still wondering who Josh is, and why Nisa is even hanging out with someone as intimidating as him.
“I’ll have lunch with you,” Nisa repeats with a bright smile. “You know, so I can work on getting close to Tae again.”
Unconsciously, you stiffen. “Nisa, I don’t think Tae wants to get close again?” you say, posing the statement as a question.
“Why not?”
“Because he already gave you a chance, too many if you ask me.”
Nisa sighs, lips jutting out into a pout. “But there’s no one like him, I know that now and I’m ready to show how serious I am.”
Hearing her say that out loud has you wondering if Taehyung would ever take her back. There’s no doubt that he really did like Nisa; even though she’s obnoxious, he only ever saw the sweet, charming side of her. Just the thought of it has your jaw clenching and you have to ignore the pit of jealousy that stirs in your stomach.
“You had many chances to do that when you were with him, Nisa, which was months,” you say, trying only to sound like a concerned friend.
Somehow, you’ve ended up outside still walking arm in arm with her, and you only realise when you catch sight of Namjoon and Jungkook frowning at you.
Looking back at Nisa who still wears an apologetic pout, you pull your arm away from her. “Okay, so I’m gonna—“
“Oh, hey, Joon! Jungkook!” Nisa’s pout transforms to a dazzling smile and she’s strutting away from you and towards your friends before you can even finish your sentence.
Cursing inwardly, you follow behind her. When the boys glance back between you, you shoot them a look that very clearly says ‘don’t ask’.
“It’s been so long,” Nisa says with dramatic flair. “Last time I saw you guys was what, seven, eight months ago?”
As she more or less repeats exactly what she said to you earlier to them, you can’t help but roll your eyes and cross your arms, just waiting to see how this plays out.
The boys amicably agree, mumbling about how it’s been a while.
“Gosh, Kook, you’ve definitely gone bigger since the last time I saw you,” Nisa says, eyes narrowing as she boldly squeezes his arms.
Jungkook only smiles, proudly flexing for her too. “I mean, I go gym a few times a week, it’s nothing really.”
Nisa giggles sweetly, stepping closer to him. “This isn’t nothing.”
That inflates Jungkook’s ego even more. “Yeah, I guess I have been upping my weights a little recently.”
Namjoon and you only stand there, very openly judging Jungkook as he basks in Nisa’s flattery. When he glances your way, you both make sure he sees the judgement coming off of you, eyes narrowed and grimacing, which seems to snap him out of it.
Clearing his throat, he straightens up and the smile disappears from his face. “Anyway, it was good to see you but uh, I, we got plans.”
“For lunch?” Nisa asks.
“Uh, yea—“
“Great, I’ll join you,” Nisa quips, linking arms with Jungkook as she did with you.
Jungkook and Namjoon exchange glances while you let out a sigh. You’ve spent plenty of time with Nisa before to know she often gets what she wants by way of being persistent and annoying, and like now, it works because you’re not bothered to keep politely declining (and despite the many negative feelings you have towards her, you can never bring yourself to rudely decline her).
“Will Taehyung be joining us?” Nisa asks the question with too much excitement for your liking.
“No,” you snap, before grumpily joining arms with Namjoon and pulling him along to walk ahead of Nisa, leaving Jungkook to deal with her as you walk to your favourite deli.
“Sometimes I just wish I could get a sock and shove it in her mouth, you know?”
Ivan snorts on his hot chocolate, breaking into laughter as he hastily wipes around his mouth.
“I’m being serious,” you say, passing him a tissue. “She just talks and talks and before you know it you’re stuck at a table having lunch with her while she goes on about her summer and how hard it was because she had to choose between a road trip with her sister and her boyfriend, or a ski resort with her best friends.”
You throw a few stockings into the trolley with a little more force than intended, though you can’t help it after you just spent all of your lunch time with Nisa.
Turning towards Ivan with a massive candy cane in your hand, you point it towards him as you continue. “Which is a stupid choice by the way.” You didn’t actually want to weigh in with your opinion to Nisa so you do it now instead. “She should’ve gone on the ski trip, I mean, the choice is a no brainer. You can do a road trip any time but if you have the chance to go with all of your friends to a ski resort… I mean, duh.”
Ivan chuckles, nodding his head in agreement as he takes the candy cane from you. “You want this?”
Looking down at it, you frown, still feeling annoyed about Nisa. Although really there’s no reason for you to be this annoyed, except for your stupid crush on Taehyung. “No,” you mumble, turning away.
Before you can walk on, Ivan’s arm wraps around your front and he pulls you closer to him. “So you really don’t like this girl, hm?”
His warmth sends a shiver running down your spine, but there’s a sliver of guilt too. It’s becoming more increasingly apparent to you that you have a crush on Taehyung, yet you’re here, still trying to pretend your relationship with Ivan is normal just because you selfishly don’t want to ruin your friendship with Taehyung, and are afraid that he might not feel the same.
As these thoughts cloud your mind, you mumble in response to his question. “No.”
He nuzzles his face into your hair and it takes everything in you to relax. “She sounds like she can be quite difficult.”
“She is.” Your voice comes out quiet again as you start to sink into his chest, realising you’ve been talking about Nisa the whole time you’ve been with him which has been almost an hour so far from when he picked you up.
Just then, Ivan asks, “Hm, d’you wanna vent some more?”
Turning around in his arms, you meet his gaze, gentle eyes with a little concern but mostly amused. It’s moments like this that make you believe this could really work with Ivan, and the only thing stopping you, is yourself.
His arm snakes further around you, pulling you even closer. As a small smile grows on his lips, Ivan smirks.
“I’m good,” you murmur, eyes briefly dripping to his lips.
He quirks his brow. “You sure? You know I’m all ears for you.”
As you chuckle softly, you feel your cheeks grow warm. “Yeah, sorry, I’ve been talking about her all this time.”
Ivan shrugs. “It’s okay, I like hearing you talk.” He says it so sweetly, you can’t help it when your face naturally leans in closer.
“You better be careful otherwise I won’t stop,” you say quietly, eyes falling to his lips again.
With his signature charming smile, Ivan laughs. “I don’t want you to, baby.”
He lowers his lips to yours, pressing soft kisses a few times at first, and it’s you who holds him by the neck to kiss him a little more. The whole time you wait in anticipation for the butterflies to come, but they don’t, and Ivan is pulling away before you can wait anymore.
“Let’s pick this up later, hm?” There’s a playfulness in his tone as he raises his brows suggestively.
“That depends,” you hum.
“On?”
“How satisfied I am with my dinner,” you shrug, turning away to keep walking.
Ivan laughs, pulling the cart with him. “Babe, I’m an amazing cook, you’re gonna love it.”
“What about this cushion?”
“Lame,” you sigh.
“This candle?”
“He won’t ever use it.”
“Jin cooks right?”
“Yeah.”
“What about this?”
Turning around from the shelf with all the glassware, you see Ivan pointing at a very fancy looking knife block set on display behind glass. You walk over to him, eyes squinting as you read the label. “Sasaki masuta.”
It would be a good present actually since Seokjin is always complaining about the lack of utensils and knives are always essential.
Pulling out your phone, you do a quick search on the brand and after seeing only good reviews, you decide it’s perfect.
“Thanks, Ivan,” you say, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before taking a picture so you can come back to it when you finish shopping.
“You’re welcome,” he smiles, looking down at your phone as you tick off Seokjin’s name on your notes app.
“Now for Taehyung,” you think out loud, returning to the snow globes you were looking at.
“How about perfume?” Ivan asks.
The thought of Taehyung and perfume has you remembering the scent of his oud and bergamot perfume… the last memory that comes to mind is when you were sitting on his lap and it’s enough to make your knees feel weak now.
“He has enough,” you respond casually, trying to pull your focus from the memories resurfacing of that night.
“You said he liked photography, what about something for that?”
“Hm, I could but he’s kinda picky when it comes to his equipment.”
“Okay, what about a jacket or something? It’s always good to have choices,” Ivan suggests.
“I could, but I want it to be more meaningful,” you say, idly browsing through some dishware.
Ivan only hums, joining you as you look at the selection of plates and bowls.
“You wanna get him a bowl?” Ivan asks jokingly, holding one up.
Rolling your eyes playfully, you walk away towards another shelf full of snow globes that catch your eye.
“What?” Ivan laughs, following behind you. “It’s good if he loves cereal.”
“He doesn’t, unfortunately.” Looking through the snow globes on the shelf, you’re reminded of a special night from two years ago. Seokjin had gone home for the holidays and it was only Taehyung and you. It was the first time you were spending Christmas away from home and although Taehyung had only known you for a few months, he still dragged you out of your room and into the snow outside. After sneaking into the cafeteria to find trays, you spent most of the night sledding down hills around campus and playing in the snow.
“You’re gonna get him a snow globe?” Ivan asks while he idly browses through some of the trinkets.
“Maybe,” you answer, still thinking it through.
“Isn’t that a bit thoughtless?”
You spot one that looks perfect and take it off the shelf. “The opposite actually,” you smile.
“Hm,” Ivan hums nonchalantly, “just don’t get him anything too special, you don’t wanna get his hopes up.”
“Sorry,” you frown, turning around immediately to look at him, “what?”
You’ve never been one to appreciate other people telling you what to do and something about Ivan’s tone now tells you his words carry a lot more meaning.
Shrugging, Ivan continues to look at the shelf in front of him. “It’s just kind of obvious that he fancies you.”
For a second, you’re speechless. Not only is it awkward for you having now realised that you do in fact have feelings for Taehyung that are more than friendly whilst you’re seeing Ivan, but having Ivan state so simply that Taehyung has feelings for you, it makes your stomach swoop — in a good way. But when you realise that it’s Ivan who’s saying it and why, it leaves you feeling rather uncomfortable.
“Okay, first of all,” you say, “I’ll buy Taehyung whatever the hell I want.” Your tone has Ivan glancing towards you. “And secondly,” you continue, keeping your voice as calm as you can, “he doesn’t fancy me.”
Ivan raises his brows and for a second you think he’s about to challenge you and say something else, but then his lips purse and he only nods. “Okay, sorry, forget I said it.”
Now that is much easier said than done. For some reason, you keep remembering the look on Taehyung’s face right before he kissed you. It was more than just Iust in his expression when he said your name, asking for more, you’re so sure of it. But how are you supposed to be sure of that as long as you’re in a relationship with someone else? Someone else who can apparently see Taehyung’s feelings for you when you can’t even see yourself.
“Shall we go?”
Ivan’s voice pulls you from your thoughts and you nod. Walking with him to the cashier doesn’t feel the same, tension rife between you after the comment he made, though neither of you make any effort to clear the air.
“So this is the first time you’re coming to mine, right?”
It’s the first full sentence that has been exchanged between you besides the occasional closed questions such as ‘d’you want to listen to music?’ or ‘is it warm enough?’ during your car ride back to his apartment.
Truthfully, you’d forgotten that you’d be going back to his place and were a little confused when he drove past the turning you normally take to get home, and you only remembered a few minutes later. That’s probably because your head is still reeling from what he said earlier while shopping.
“Uh, yeah, it is,” you answer, still mostly quiet.
From the corner of your eye you see Ivan glance at you but he says nothing else as he presses the button to the elevator. He’s definitely aware that his earlier comment annoyed you and that you’re being more quiet than usual, and you appreciate he isn’t pressing you but you realise you ought to be more normal now that you’re about to spend the evening alone with him.
As the elevator doors open, both of you step inside and Ivan presses the button for the 12th floor, still saying nothing as you go up.
It’s only when you’re walking down the hall to his apartment does he slow down, gently tapping your arm.
“Wait,” he says abruptly, then going relatively pink as he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.
“What’s wrong?” you ask, though you’re fairly certain you know what’s wrong.
“Uh, before we go inside, can we just clear the air between us?” He looks at you with his bottom lip pulled into his mouth and something about it is just endearing to you. Gosh, why does he have to be so charming?
“Sure,” you nod, releasing a small breath. The awkward tension was getting a bit too awkward for you. “Let’s forget it happened.”
“Okay,” Ivan nods, letting out a relieved sigh too. “I do apologise for it though,” he adds. “It was an unnecessary comment and I didn’t think about what I was saying.”
Lips pursed, you nod. There’s more you could say, but you’re afraid to say anything else in case Ivan tries to explain what he meant, to justify why he could possibly think Taehyung likes you, which would only give you false hope.
“It’s fine, apology totally accepted,” you say.
“Okay great,” Ivan lets out another sigh. “Can we hug it out?” Tilting his head, he stretches his arms out.
You laugh, stepping into his arms and he breaks out into a grin. “Okay, I feel much better now.”
He steps away to swiftly get into his apartment and you follow behind him, taking off your shoes at the entrance and looking around as you walk further. It’s a modest apartment, similar to yours albeit a bit smaller since he lives alone.
“So…” he says once you’re both in the kitchen. He raises his brows, looking around at the space.
“It’s nice,” you answer.
“Just nice?”
“No, it’s really nice, I didn’t actually expect it to be this nice.” You give him a smile.
“What?” he chuckles, “did you expect me to be a slob?”
Shrugging, you settle into one of the kitchen stools. “I guess I did fall for the stereotype that you’d just be another messy guy, but I’m definitely being proven wrong.”
“You live with two guys, Y/N, and your apartment is one of the cleanest and tidiest I’ve ever seen.”
You shrug again. “Jim is a tidy guy and he keeps Taehyung in check.”
Ivan nods, a small smirk growing on his lips. “And who keeps you in check?”
“I keep myself in check, thank you very much.”
He nods again, stepping towards you. “I’m glad to hear. So I shouldn’t have any problems whenever you choose to spend time with me here?”
“Are you offering me an open invitation to come whenever I want?” you ask, brow arched.
“For you, yes.” He steps closer, leaning towards your face. “Whenever you want.”
Smiling, your expression shows you’re impressed. “That’s a big move.”
Ivan shrugs. “I believe in grand gestures.”
Humming, you tilt your head. “Noted. Though I’ll have to see how good you cook before I make any promises on accepting your invitation.”
He chuckles, pulling away to the sink. “You won’t be disappointed,” he says, washing his hands.
“I hope not, I’m starving.”
He smiles, walking towards the fridge to collect ingredients. “Well how would you like to be my assistant in the kitchen?”
“If you’re okay with a hazard being in your kitchen, then yeah let’s go for it.”
Ivan walks back towards you with a handful of vegetables which he places on the counter before getting a colander out from the cupboard. “The only hazard you pose is being too hot,” he answers matter-of-factly.
As you burst into laughter, Ivan’s cheeks go pink as he facepalms and tries not to laugh at himself.
“That’s the cheesiest, most cringe thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Hey, at least I didn’t say anything like that on our first date.”
“Yeah, you probably wouldn’t have seen me again if you did.”
Ivan’s expression softens a little. “And now?”
“Hmm…” you twist on the stool, subconsciously avoiding his gaze. “Now I know you better.
“Or you like me too much,” he says with a smirk.
You throw him a sassy look. “Aren’t you supposed to be making my dinner?”
Laughing softly, he nods. “Yes, ma’am, let’s go.”
After a few mishaps on your part in the kitchen, Ivan takes over fully and it’s almost two hours later that you’re finally getting to eat something.
Through mouthfuls of food you praise Ivan’s cooking skills, eating mostly quietly as Ivan carries the conversation, telling you about his week including the antics of his football team.
“Oh, Charlie’s the guy with the glasses right? Light brown hair?”
“Yeah that’s him,” Ivan answers, adding another serving of roast potatoes to your plate.
With a satisfied smile, you swallow what’s in your mouth and take a sip of your drink too. “He lives in the frat house, right? I think Jungkook was talking about some Christmas party he and the other guys are hosting.”
“Mm, yeah, they’re going all out for it but some of those guys have the money to spend so I guess it’s alright for them.”
“Whatever floats their boat,” you shrug. “Are you gonna go?”
“Yeah, most likely.” Ivan takes a sip of his drink, watching you savour a mouthful of food. “What about you?”
“Yeah,” you mumble with your mouth full. Swallowing, you nod. “Jungkook and Hoseok are pretty tight with some of the guys so they’ll probably ask us to come and I have no reason not to.”
“But do you want to?”
“Yeah, I like the occasional party,” you hum.
“Hm, it’ll be nice to see you there,” Ivan says, a suggestive lilt to his voice.
“See me there?” You raise a brow. “Shouldn’t you be asking me to be your date?”
Ivan laughs, revealing his charming boyish features again that makes your stomach swirl. “You’re right, I just didn’t wanna be too forward.” He leans forward, taking one of your hands.
Arching your brow with a mischievous, you lean forward too.
“Y/N, would you be my date to the Christmas party?”
Squeezing his hand, you smile. “Absolutely.”
Naturally, Ivan’s eyes drop to your lips and he leans even closer to place a quick peck on your lips. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Shall I put these in the fridge?” you ask, clasping the lids on the tupperware containing the leftover food.
“Yes, please,” Ivan says, glancing over his shoulder as he finishes cleaning the dining table.
After placing the food neatly in the fridge, Ivan places the last few dishes in the sink.
“I can wash up if you like?” you offer.
“No no.” He quickly puts on the washing up gloves. “Don’t worry, I’ll do them.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah of course,” he says, adjusting the temperature before starting. “This was my treat to you so please just relax.”
“Oh,” you smile, leaning against the counter. “What did I do to get treated?”
He shrugs. “Just existing I suppose,” he says with a smile that matches yours. “And for letting me date you.”
“Is that such a privilege?” you laugh.
“Oh, huge privilege,” he says with an exaggerated flair.
Feelin your cheeks warm, you hum quietly. “Well, I definitely appreciated the dinner. It was ten out of ten and that’s coming from someone who eats Jin’s food regularly.”
“So that’s definitely a compliment then,” Ivan says, stealing glances at you as he finishes washing up.
“Absolutely,” you hum, walking over to the fridge where there’s a few photographs stuck with various touristy magnets.
They’re mostly with the same people who you assume to be his family, and a few with friends. “So no embarrassing Shrek like photos here, hm?” You turn around to see him smiling.
“Nope. I’ve been the same ever since I was young.”
Taking off one of the pictures of him when he must’ve been a teenager, with a goofy grin and a very questionable haircut, you hold it up towards him. “Looks the same to me,” you shrug.
Ivan laughs, placing the last clean dish to the side as he pulls off the gloves. “You’re on drying duty for that.”
Feigning offence, you pout and he makes his way over to you. “I thought I was being treated.”
“Hm, you were,” he says, sliding his hands around your waist. “But I’ve changed my mind.”
Ignoring the awkward way your body stiffens, you force yourself to relax into his embrace. “Meanie,” you mumble, lowering your head.
Ivan chuckles this time, low and smooth. “Well how about after you’re done, I treat you again?”
“More food?” you question.
He shakes his head, a playful glint in his eyes. “I was thinking of something else.”
“Oh.” Oh.
Meeting your gaze, Ivan smiles softly. “If you want.”
“Um…” there’s absolutely no legitimate reason for you not to, besides the foolish crush you have on your best friend who, apparently, according to the tempting man standing in front of you, reciprocates those feelings.
Feeling Ivan’s warm breath on your neck stirs something inside of you, and when you accidentally glance down at his lips, you can’t help but lean forward just a little.
Ivan responds, hand pressing into your back a little deeper. With your chest close to his, you lean in further and close your eyes, and sure enough, within a second, Ivan’s lips are on yours.
He moves slowly at first, as though he’s testing the water, making sure you’re okay with it. Truthfully, you don’t know if you are.
With every second his lips are on yours, you feel your mind racing — it finds the thoughts and feelings from the night that seems to be burned into your memory.
Ivan’s lips are on yours but you’re not thinking of him, his hands are on your waist but you wish them to be another’s.
It’s no surprise to you that you suddenly go still, one firm hand on Ivan’s chest to get him to stop and he does so immediately.
“I’m sorry,” are the first words that come from him, making you feel so guilty for doing this to him.
Shaking your head, you quickly respond. “No, it’s okay, I just, um, I don’t think I'm feeling well.” Hugging your arms around yourself, you do everything you can to avoid his gaze.
You’re certain Ivan knows that’s a lie, but if he does, he says nothing like the gentleman he is.
“That’s okay, do you wanna sit down for a bit? I can make you tea too if you like.”
The care in his tone has your stomach twisting. It almost feels like you’re cheating on him with your feelings for Taehyung, although you’re not actually dating (and not to forget that you have in fact made out with Taehyung whilst you’ve been seeing Ivan).
“Sure,” you nod.
“Okay, it’s chamomile, is that good?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll make it now,” he says, tentatively reaching out to hold your back as you walk towards the couch. “Blanket is on the end of the couch if you want it,” he lets you know.
Looking at him, you nod with a small grateful smile. He smiles back and it has your stomach twisting again. When he walks back towards the kitchen, you let out a small sigh. You have a lot of thinking to do.
For the fifth time, you put your alarm on snooze, hoping to doze off into a sleepless dream again but this time sleep doesn’t come.
With a heavy sigh, you pry one eye open and look at the time. 12:07. It’s a good thing you don’t have a morning class today. Sitting up slowly, you throw the covers off and trudge towards the bathroom, eyes still half closed. Being left with an hour to get to your afternoon class is enough time but you’re moving at a snails pace and don’t particularly feel like your usual self this morning, the awkward ending from last night still replaying in your mind.
After Ivan made you tea, you didn’t want to be any more rude than you already felt so you made sure to drink it down to its last drop. Thankfully Ivan did all he could to make you feel comfortable, even finding an old season of modern family and wordlessly paying for it so he could stream it for you to enjoy — it was almost a month ago you’d told him it was your comfort show and when you realised not only had he remembered that, but he also paid for the season, you couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a mellow conversation, he offered himself to drop you off home and you accepted. Before you got out of the car, he didn’t make any move to give you his usual goodbye kiss but you went in for it yourself and he didn’t make anything seem awkward at all as you said goodbye.
Honestly, you’re grateful for him and wish you could stop feeling so conflicted when there’s no doubt about him being such a good guy and you only realised your feelings for Taehyung a few days ago, though now that they’ve arisen you’re certain you’ve had feelings for him for far longer. Either way, you need to figure things out and be honest not just to Ivan, but to yourself as well.
That’ll have to wait a few hours though because right now you’re hungry and after that you need to get to class and focus.
Walking towards the kitchen, you almost freeze when you see Taehyung is there too. His back is to you, broad shoulders still visibly flexing under the material of his loose tee, and the messy curls atop his head tell you he hasn’t brushed his hair this morning.
Having heard you coming, he turns around and smiles. “Afternoon.” He holds out an iced coffee.
Stepping forward, you take it from him. “Thanks,” you smile, fighting the jittery feeling that stirs in the pit of your stomach. Maybe having a coffee isn’t a good idea.
“I was gonna make you breakfast too but I couldn't be bothered, sorry,” he says, grabbing an apple from the bowl as you place the glass down on the counter.
“That’s okay, I can make it,” you chuckle, taking the bread out. “I’m gonna have avocado toast and egg, you want some too?”
Taehyung hums. “Would love some, thanks,” he grins. “Can you scramble my egg though?”
“Sure,” you answer, turning around to face him with your eyes narrowed. “I bet you knew I was gonna offer, didn’t you?”
Laughing, Taehyung takes out the avocados from the fridge. “I made you coffee, you always make me breakfast after,” he shrugs. “But you make the best breakfast and I make the best coffee, so it works.”
Scoffing lightly, you take the avocados from him. He settles on the table as you prepare breakfast and you can’t ignore the fact that you’re acting awkward with him and it’s making your conversation feel rather stilted.
It’s not like you can help it though when you made out with the guy a few nights ago and since then have realised you might be harbouring a fat crush on him.
A short ten minutes later, you’re joining Taehyung on the table with a yummy breakfast to enjoy.
“Thanks, Y/N,” he mumbles through his first mouthful of food.
“You're welcome.”
He swallows quickly, already preparing his second bite and you almost expect him to eat in silence as he enjoys his food but he doesn’t. “How was your dinner with Ivan yesterday?”
“It was good, but how did you know?” you ask. You know for sure you didn’t tell Taehyung or Seokjin where you were yesterday evening.
“Jungkook told Hobi who told Jin, then Jin told me.”
“Ah,” you nod, smiling. “Right.” You remember telling Jungkook about Ivan inviting you for dinner when you had a brief moment alone with him away from Nisa at lunch yesterday. No doubt he was just excited for you, as are the rest of your friends.
“You don’t mind, do you?” Taehyung asks, forgoing his manners as he asks through a big mouthful of food.
“Not at all.”
“Good,” he nods. “So, did he cook for you?”
Stealing a glance at Taehyung, he seems to be completely casual and although that makes you feel a certain type of way — maybe a part of you wants him to feel more bothered by it — you embrace the normalcy instead.
“Yeah, it was actually surprisingly good.”
“I bet I can make food just as good.”
Smiling, you take another bite before answering. “You only learnt how to boil pasta a few months ago.”
“Hey, it’s hard getting it to al dente,” he says a little defensively. “Besides, my skills have developed.”
“I wouldn’t try to compare yourself just yet,” you laugh. “You burnt frozen dumplings just a week ago.”
“I forgot to turn the heat down,” he frowns, looking up when you quietly laugh. “Alright, what else can he do that I can't do then?” he asks, his man sized ego coming out.
“No way I’m not comparing you,” you say, shaking your head.
“Why not?”
Because no one else compares to you, the voice in your head responds to you. Feeling yourself going warm, you answer simply, “Because, I just wouldn’t.”
Taehyung has always been able to pick up on any of your emotional cues so now you’re sure he can see right through you. The thought of it leaves you feeling somewhat embarrassed, so you force yourself to look at him.
“If I had to though,” you say, choosing your words carefully, “I’d say you’re fairly similar.”
He raises a brow in surprise. “We are?”
You shrug. “Yeah.” Now that’s a bit of a lie. “Why? Did you think you’d be so different?”
“I guess so,” Taehyung answers slowly, making you wonder if he’s having to choose his words as carefully as you are. “I mean, you’re dating the guy so you’d see something special in him that I don’t have, no?”
The words sound almost vulnerable from him and if you weren’t looking at him you would most certainly think so, but there’s a small sly smile on his face (which, unknown to you, he’s having to put on).
“You guys are different in different ways.”
“Fair,” he nods. “Though I have to say, in the looks department, we’re both doing pretty good.” He takes another forkful of food and you can still see his smile when he looks at you while chewing. “Right?”
Fighting a smile, you refuse to give him the answer he wants to hear and keep eating.
He smiles, leaning forward. “It’s alright, Y/N, it’s no secret you think I’m handsome. We established as much when I was basically stuck to you, remember?”
You almost facepalm remembering the other day in the kitchen and the conversation that passed. Not only had he told you he’s caught you checking him out, but he also called you attractive.
Looking at Taehyung, he gives you a devilish grin and you know he’s revelling in this.
“Of course I think you’re handsome, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have made out with you the other night, would I?” you answer, casually taking a sip of your coffee.
It’s hard not to break into laughter when Taehyung’s own cheeks go pink and he seems to break into an embarrassed smile. “True,” he answers honestly. “And from what I remember, you seemed to be into it.”
Suddenly it feels a lot warmer in the room and instead of feeling awkward like you did a little while ago, everything Taehyung is saying seems to be encouraging you.
“I could say the same about you.”
He lets out an amused laugh. “Oh, without a doubt,” he responds without thought. When he catches your gaze, he adds, “I was definitely into it.”
Your mind races, scrambling to acknowledge what he really means, but there’s a part of you — the insecure and helpless part — that refuses to go there.
“Right, so what does it take for you then?” you say in the hopes of moving the attention away from yourself.
He frowns in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“For you to be ‘into it’?” you say, marking the last two words with finger quotation marks. “I’m definitely not the first girl you’ve made out with and I won’t be the last, so what does it take for you?”
At that, something in Taehyung’s expression flickers and if you’re not mistaken, you see a glimpse of annoyance.
A beat of silence passes before he says anything. “It changes I suppose,” he answers, curling the end of his straw and for a short moment he’s quiet again and you almost think you’ve pissed him off, but then he asks, “What about you?”
Slowly shrugging, you actually take a minute to think about the answer but besides your feelings for Taehyung, you come up short. “I guess it changes too,” you say, mirroring his response, and apparently his mood too as the atmosphere between you both changes to one that feels almost stifling in both a good and a bad way.
It feels as though there’s more to say but you just can’t say it, yet you enjoy the feeling of being caught in such an honest conversation with Taehyung.
“Can I ask you something?” Taehyung says while avoiding your gaze.
Despite the way your nerves heighten, you answer normally. “Yeah.”
“It’s kinda personal though,” he says with a nervous smile.
“That’s okay, I won’t answer if I don’t want to.”
He nods, lips pursed. “Okay, uh… did you sleep with him last night?”
“Oh.” Your cheeks grow warm for the nth time.
Taehyung almost immediately clarifies. “I just mean, because, well, we spoke about it that night and you were there kinda late last night but you didn’t stay so I just wanted to know… if everything was alright?”
“Um, yeah it’s fine. I don’t mind you asking,” you answer honestly. “And I haven’t,” you add after a pause.
He nods. “Everything’s okay though, right?”
Caught in the moment, you find yourself answering honestly. “Um, I don’t know…”
You immediately find concern in Taehyung’s expression and you have to rush to reassure him.
“It’s not Ivan, he’s always been sweet,” you say quickly. “It’s just me…” you trail off, unable to find the words to continue.
“It’s okay to not feel like you don’t have an answer,” he says softly. “Keep taking your time with him if that’s what you want.”
Feeling a sharp rush of emotions, you look up. “What I want?”
Taehyung pauses, gaze holding yours for a moment and although it makes you feel completely bare, you don’t look away. He nods again. “Only if it’s what you want.”
Slowly, you nod as well, gaze falling to your food.
“Sorry,” he says with an awkward laugh. “Did I make it awkward by asking that?”
Shaking your head, you smile. It is a little awkward, but it’s like you’ve never had awkward moments with him before. “No, I mean, as long as we don’t make it awkward.”
“You’re right, okay,” he nods, pushing his empty plate away from him as he leans on the table. “So Y/N, tell me about your day.”
“Well, it just started an hour ago.”
“Oh, yeah,” he says, deflating somewhat.
Fighting the part of you that wants to reach over and squeeze his cheek, you laugh quietly and ask him a question. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?”
“Well, I woke up early because I thought it was Thursday and Professor Clark is an ass to people who are late,” he says with much expression.
“Oh, he’s the one who embarrassed you a few weeks ago right?”
“Made fun of my clothes and all, just ‘cos I was ten minutes late,” Taehyung sulks.
“He’s not wrong though,” you say with a giggle. “Sometimes your clothes always look like your wearing pyjamas.”
Taehyung shoots you a look. “Being able to pull off comfort and style is a skill.” You shrug in response and he continues. “Anyway, then I realised it’s Tuesday and I don’t have class so I tried to go back to sleep but it didn’t work.”
You hum through a mouthful of food. “That’s annoying.”
“Trust me,” he sighs. “Then I just played PS4.”
You raise a brow. “All morning?”
He nods. “Had nothing else to do.”
“Could’ve worked on your assignment,” you say before taking the last sip of your coffee and slurping while keeping your brows raised at him pointedly and amused.
He narrows his eyes at you. “You’re reminding me of Clark.”
Laughing, you lower the empty glass to the table. “I’m way nicer than Clark. If he was here he’d probably call out the fact that you haven’t even combed your hair today.”
Taehyung groans. “C'mon man, I’m at home today.”
As you laugh again, you have to briefly avert your gaze as he throws his head back in mock annoyance.
“I didn’t say it looked bad,” you add. “It almost looks… cute.”
“You sure you’re not just saying that ‘cos it’s me?” he says with a cheeky raise of his brow.
Smiling plastically, you lean your elbows on the table. “Absolutely not. It’s the hair and the hair alone.”
Taehyung opens his mouth and before he can say anything else, Seokjin enters.
“Hey, guys,” he says, walking in casually.
Taehyung and you both respond in unison. “Hey.”
“Man, today has been a long morning,” he sighs, slumping into the seat beside Taehyung.
“Classes?”
“And work,” he mumbles.
“They should pay you overtime for the way they extort you, I swear,” Taehyung says, reaching to massage Seokjin’s shoulders.
“It sucks to be good at your job,” Seokjin mumbles again before sitting up in sudden frustration. “Oh and now they want me to work on the day of the boys’ Christmas party too!”
“Charlie’s?” you ask in surprise. Seokjin had made sure to have that evening off because it was the first time in a long time that Imani would be able to join him for a frat party.
He nods with a huff, slumping back into the chair. “I said no again though, but I gotta wait for management to get back to me.”
“Hopefully it’s okay,” you say, squeezing his arm. “If not, we’ll throw another party for you and Imani.”
Seokjin sits up, rounding his eyes at you. “You just threw my birthday party.”
“I’d do it again,” you answer with a shrug. “It’s kinda fun.”
Taehyung laughs. “You were stressed out for most of it.”
Narrowing your eyes at him, you strive to make a point. “I still organised the whole thing with my fabulous management skills.”
Taehyung scoffs, hiding a smirk. “Okay miss management skills, your time management needs working on.”
“Huh?” you frown.
He arches his brow. “Don’t you have class in ten minutes.”
Eyes darting to the clock, you see it’s almost 1pm. With a string of curse words you’re rushing to your room and Taehyung laughs softly from behind you.
Getting dressed into decent clothing, you rush towards the front door and see Taehyung standing there with your favourite snack bar and a banana.
“In case you get hungry,” he says, zipping them into your bag as you slip into your shoes.
“Thanks,” you say in haste as you rush out the door. “Love you.”
“Love you too,” he responds, watching you as you rush down the corridor.
It’s only when you’re sitting halfway through your lecture that you realise how natural that exchange felt, and the thought of it warms your heart.
It’s when you’re halfway through your work shift that you get a text from Ivan asking to meet. At first you’re confused because he never usually asks to meet so last minute, but then he sends a follow up text saying he has something he wants to talk about. The message sends your thoughts spiralling but you do your best to ignore it for the remainder of your shift and luckily you have Jimin to help with that.
But when you arrive at the agreed restaurant, it feels like there’s an elephant in the room as soon as you step foot inside.
“Hey,” you say, taking a seat at the table he’s at.
He looks up, a smile gracing his lips when he sees you. “Hey.” He gives you a brief hug as is normal when you greet him.
“You want anything to eat?” he asks almost right away.
“Uh,” you pause, glancing at the menu. “Are you gonna eat?
Realising you’re making the decision based on his, Ivan nods. “Yeah.”
“Okay, yeah, I’ll get something too.”
Smiling, Ivan puts the menu in front of you ajd despite the feeling that he has something important he wants to say, you appreciate him trying to make you feel comfortable first.
Even when the food comes and you eat, he keeps the conversation going, smiling and laughing as he normally would.
It’s only when you’re done that you ask the question. “So what did you want to talk about?”
Ivan smiles, though this one is different to the ones you’ve seen before. It’s apologetic and seems a little sad.
“Us,” he says quietly. “Um, I don’t wanna beat around the bush so I’m just gonna be really honestly here, but I like you, Y/N.” He looks into your eyes when he says it and your stomach curls from guilt because in this exact second, you realise this reaction isn’t the right reaction to those words from the man you’re seeing — and in this moment, you realise you don’t want to be with Ivan.
As though he can read your mind, though you’re sure your expression gives away all thoughts, Ivan nods with an almost sad smile on his face.
“When I first started seeing you, I didn’t expect anything from us so soon but the more time I spend with you, the more I wanna know you, be with you.” Tentatively, he takes your hand and you let him. “I was happy with how things were going, but sometimes it felt like you were holding yourself back, and then yesterday happened,” he says, looking down at your joined hands. “I don’t need to ask to know what it meant, and honestly I just don’t know how to keep going when it feels like your heart isn’t in it,” he says with a quiet sigh.
Lowering your head, you bite your lip. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he says right away. “It’s really not your fault, I don’t want you to be sorry, please don’t be.”
Meeting his gaze, you see he’s smiling reassuringly and so you do too.
“Really, I’ll be okay, it’s definitely better for me to nip my feelings in the bud now and I’m glad I can be honest with you.”
Nodding, you squeeze his hand. “I should’ve said something sooner,” you sigh. “I guess I was just being selfish… you’re truly one of the sweetest guys I’ve known and it was unfair of me to hold onto you when I know I wasn’t ready for it.”
“I’m just not the right person, and that’s fine,” he says. “But I hope you do find what it is your heart wants, Y/N.”
Looking up at him, he gives you a knowing look.
“It’ll just take a little bit of courage from one of you, but I’m sure you’ll find exactly what it is you’re looking for.”
The words are said without explanation but you know exactly what they mean. Not only does it feel hard to hear them from Ivan, but knowing he’s known about your feelings for Taehyung this whole time just hurts.
Throwing your arms around him, you hold him in a long hug and fight the tears that want to spill. “I’m so sorry,” you mutter.
He pats your back and you hear him chuckle. “Don’t be sorry, I just want you to be happy, okay?”
Nodding, you hold him a little tighter before letting go. “Can we still be friends?” you say, voice breaking but you fight to keep yourself contained.
“Of course,” he laughs. “I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me.”
Sniffling, you nod. “Thank you. Me too,” you add. “I’ll be here for you whenever I can.”
He gives you a small smile and pulls you in for another hug. “Thank you for everything, Y/N.”
After almost forty minutes, you’re finally trudging up the steps to your apartment. Ivan had offered to drop you off home but you wanted the long walk home to maybe help in some way to deal with your emotions.
It didn’t really help though. Although you didn’t have romantic feelings for Ivan, you can’t help but feel a multitude of emotions about tonight.
Ivan honestly was a dream man, ticking so many of your boxes and more that you hadn’t even thought of. It definitely hurts to have lost him now but you still feel grateful for the time you had with him. Not only because he made you smile and laugh as much as he did, giving you a good few happy memories, but also, it’s because of him that you’ve realised the extent of your feelings for Taehyung and it’s almost made you feel more sure of yourself to tell him the truth.
If Ivan could see your feelings for Taehyung, surely he’s not wrong about Taehyung’s feelings for you?
Still, it doesn’t mean the thought of being honest with Taehyhng feels any easier, and truthfully, right now you don’t feel like admitting your feelings to him. It feels wrong to do so when you’ve just ended something that was undoubtedly special with Ivan.
Entering the pass for your apartment, you’re so consumed with your thoughts and the tempting call of your bed that you almost don’t notice Taehyung standing in the kitchen making a cup of tea.
“Y/N?”
His eyes are wide when you look at him, almost worried. Then they look you over and his face changes to one of concern. “Are you okay?” he asks, ignoring the cup of tea and rushing over.
For a second you wonder how he must know but then again, you did walk in practically sulking and after briefly tearing up a few times on the walk home, your eyes are probably red.
“Not really,” you mumble, sinking into his embrace. It feels so comforting and though your mind tells you it’s wrong to seek comfort from Taehyung now, you can’t help but notice how right it feels.
“Tae?”
That voice.
Going still in his arms, you look up towards the source of the sound, not noticing Taehyung has gone still too.
“Tae-tae.”
That voice — you know that voice, far too well.
Just as the mental image of her appears in your head, the woman herself appears in front of you, sauntering out of Taehyung’s room dressed only in his T-shirt.
“Oh, hello, Y/N.” She smiles like the cat that’s got the cream and boy, does she have the cream.
Letting out a slow breath, you feel yourself uncurling from Taehyung’s arms.
“Hi, Nisa.”
A/N: thank you for reading! if you enjoyed, please reblog / leave a comment / send an ask! it means a lot <3
taglist is open
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IN THE CARDS | LEE FELIX
“… the stars in the sky who decided love was not in the cards for you.”
PAIRING(s) | Felix x reader
THEMES | angst, unrequited love, high school juniors!au, I think that’s all :>
WORD COUNT: 1.23k+
RATING | pg
NOTE | surprise! no- I’m not off hiatus yet. Unfortunately my laptop is still out of order and I hate writing on my phone but I really wanted to post something ✦ angsty ✦ so here we are T^T anyway I hope you enjoy and I hope I can get back here soon! Have a great day/night! Also feel free to ignore this new layout, or give feedback whether you like it or not, ty <3
SKZ M.LIST
You’d liked Felix since the third week of school when you two were freshmen. Now, years later, you still harbored the same feelings for him, except much stronger. Throughout your freshmen, sophomore, and now junior years, you’d grown closer to him. You two’s friend groups often ran into each other and combined, making the two of you semi familiar friends. You’d even hung out a few times together.
Of course you never acted on it. You were too shy to do anything about your schoolgirl crush. In fact, you were sure it would fade eventually, which was why whenever Areum—your best friend—would bring up your “mystery boy”, you’d always do your best to conceal his identity. You just knew she’d try to play Cupid, and you just weren’t ready to be embarrassed like that.
But recently, you'd heard him talking about a girl. One his and your friends apparently knew considerably well, and one he hung out with “sort of often”, as he’d described it. Yet he always seemed hesitant to talk about it, especially when you were around.
Trying to solve the mystery, your friends had come up with a few theories. One being that there wasn’t a girl in the group and he just wanted to throw them off. Another being it was a newer girl who’d recently transferred and taken a liking to your social circles. And the last one being that he had a crush on you.
Your friends were oblivious to your feelings for him, yes, but that didn’t stop them from seeing some sort of chemistry between the two of you. Their main pieces of evidence included that Felix always preferred to sit on your side of the table at lunch, that he could be caught looking your way a few times a day.
So when you saw him looking a bit nervous and glancing around you, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he’d grown some feelings for you over the time you’d known each other.
Twiddling his thumbs, he’d waited for your friends to clear out from the hall quietly asking you to stay behind so he could speak with you privately.
When your friends heard him ask you to stay behind, they all winked and giggled like middle schoolers, nudging you and bouncing their brows. Even if you didn’t want Felix to have a crush on you, they’d have you pretty convinced he was going to ask you out with their borderline ridiculous behavior.
Still playing with his hands and shifting side to side as he waits for you to approach him. Adrenaline pumps through your veins, and you try not to look too eager to hear what he needs to say. “What did you need to talk to me about?”
“Well you know how our friend groups have been mixing up a lot the past three years, and we’ve all grown kinda close. It’s only natural that someone would end up liking someone else, right?” He rants, trying not to stumble over his words or say too much more than he needs to. You nod at his question, doing your best not to smile stupidly at his cute antics and urging him to continue talking. “Well, I was just hoping that maybe…”
You hold your breath in anticipation, your hands you’re hiding behind your back clinging to each other with excitement. It’s actually happening, he’s as asking you out—
“Maybe you could ask Areum to meet me behind the sakura trees in the field later today. Oh, but don’t tell her its me she’s meeting, I want it to be a surprise, so just say she’s meeting you. Unless you don’t want to, because I can ask someone else—“ his voice rings in your ears, any other words he utters blending together into an incoherent mess.
All those glances, the nervousness, the giddiness and whispers between his friends and blushed cheeks when you were around… they weren’t directed at you.
It’s only now you realize, he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at Areum
He wasn’t nervous or shy or excited because you were around, it was because Areum was with you.
The whispers and flustered expressions, they were because he liked her.
Not you.
Her.
You knew your best friend was pretty, and smart, and funny, and kind… just like you were. But she was all of that, and more. She was any guy’s dream girl and you’d never envied that more than you do right now.
But you pick up your slack jaw, blinking away the tears that were trying to well up in your eyes and smiling as brightly as you can muster. Clasping your hands together, you squeal with excitement, jumping around with false joy. “Oh my god, you have a crush on her? That’s so cute! You two would be such a great couple! Yes, of course I’ll tell her! What time?”
At least you had time to prepare for the scene you’re about to witness when four o’clock rolls around and you watch your best friend approach the sakura field with a face full of confusion. You watch him nervously pick up the flowers he’d bought her and take a deep breath—all while he was hiding behind a tree and trying to collect himself.
When he finally emerges from his hiding spot, a sheepish smile on his face as Areum turns to him with a raised brow, trying to do anything other than wish you were in her place right now. Oh, what you would give to have Felix look at you the way he looks at her—like she alone was responsible for keeping the world turning and making sure the sun rose everyday. What you would do for just a taste of the affection he reaches for her hand with, the gentleness he places the flowers in her grip with,
You barely hear her answer to his long, well rehearsed yet still raw and genuine confession, your ears clogged with the sound of your own pulse and uneven breathing, You swear the shattering in your chest is more than just your emotions—it’s too painful to not be physical too.
When you walk into the halls the next day, you can only blame yourself for the happy new couple holding hands by your locker.
And when he stops you by the wrist to thank you for your help, you hide the bitterness in your tone as well as you can, muttering a soft, “Don’t mention it.”
Truly, you never want them to as long as you live, because you never want to be reminded that you’re the reason they ended up together. You introduced them, asked them to hang out with you in hopes of having your love requited. You’re the one who never opened up about their crush, or did anything about it for that matter.
And when Areum joins in, a bright smile on her perfect face as she thanks you for helping them get together, you really do mean it when you say with the most gentle tone you’ve ever used, “Don’t thank me, please,” Your faux smile hiding the pain in your eyes as theirs lock with nothing but love for the other.
But in the end, you did this to yourself, and have nobody else to blame besides someone the stars in the sky who decided love was not in the cards for you.
NAVI
#ficscafe#straykidsland#stayhavennet#akademia net#kpc.creators#klibrary#kwritersworldnet#skz oneshots#lee felix x reader#lee felix fluff#lee felix imagines#lee felix fic#felix fluff#felix angst#felix oneshot#felix x reader#lee felix angst#skz angst#stray kids felix#stray kids angst#skz fics#stray kids oneshot#chan x reader#skz lee minho#changbin x female reader#hyunjin fic#hyunjin oneshot#jisung x you#seungmin x reader#jeongin x reader
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the subtle art of feigning | jjk.
pairing: jungkook x reader
genre: angst
warnings: none
rating: pg15
au: unrequited love
word count: 684
a/n: i have been listening to trivia: love in loop and this is inspired by namjoon's bridge. im in love with it byesss. :))))
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Jungkook’s always been curious. He’s known you for almost 2 years now. It’s no surprise that he likes you. Hell, every guy in his university crushes on you And you seem to be aware of that. But Jungkook appears to consider himself as someone special in your life. It’s not like you’ve told him you liked him or something. He doesn’t even know if you know of his feeling. Everyone in your group does, so it’s natural for you to know, right?
Sometimes, Jungkook thinks that you too, like him. But then he doesn’t know if he confuses your habits for feelings. Everyone knows you and how you live to party. But he knows that it's only him whom you call in the middle of the night or 3 in the morning to pick you up when you get drunk. Times like those make him feel special. As if he knows he’s the one you trust. Times like those he thinks you might just like him back.
You are a closed-off person. Jungkook had concluded that from the first 3 encounters he had with you. To the entire world, you might seem like someone who doesn’t worry much. From the 2 years of knowing you, he’s seen you do stuff people would be too scared to do. He thinks of you as someone who knows how to live. To have fun. But he also knows that you have secrets. That you lie to people. Sometimes your smiles give away your lies. And maybe Jungkook’s the only one to notice that, just because he’s seen your genuine smile. And heard you laugh genuinely. And he knows that it’s nothing like the one outside your apartment or his.
Jungkook knows you’re not a good person. You might seem like a good person, but in reality, you just have everyone wrapped around your fingers, including him. Sometimes he gets angry at you. For acting so oblivious to the things he does. To the things you do. But Jungkook wouldn’t lie to himself and say he doesn’t like them. Just because he loves them. But sometimes, he wonders what would you do if he suddenly decides to stop feeling for you and just leave.
“Would you be sad?” he asks you, not sure what to expect. “For what?” you say, continuing to cradle your fingers through his hair. “If I were to go,” he answers, craning his neck to meet your eyes. You look at him with an unreadable expression for a moment before chuckling You adjust his head on your lap, fingers gently stroking the side of his face before looking back at the tv.
“I’m serious.” he presses. “If I were to leave, would you be sad?”
“You wouldn’t leave, Kook,” you say, looking straight at his eyes, and Jungkook hates how correct you are.
“If I change, would you leave?” Jungkook’s shocked to hear what he says but doesn’t correct himself, wanting to know your answer. You push his head off of your lap and get up. Jungkook sits back on the couch as you turn to him. “I’m getting a coke, you want something?” you ask. Jungkook shakes his head, although he would really use one. You look at him for some time before straddling him. Jungkook should be shocked by your actions but he is used to this. To you sitting on his lap whenever you want. To you straddle him whenever you want. To do with him whatever you want.
Your hands wrap around his neck, and Jungkook’s nose fills with that scent of yours he's obsessed with. Your fingers curl around the loose ends of his hair and you tug at him and Jungkook feels like his lungs are gonna burst. You pull him to yourself, your nipple pressed hard against his chest, as you hug him. You put a trail of kisses on his neck. It’s always like this. Before Jungkook can take control of the situation you’re pulling yourself away from him and getting up.
He watches you walk away as he wonders if he’ll ever know.
#btshoneyhive#akademia net#btscarnivalnet#bangtaninn#bangtanbathhouse#jeon jungguk#jungkook angst#bts angst#jjk angst#jeon jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook#bts jungkook#jungkook drabble#bts drabble#jjk drabbles#angst drabble
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pairing:, bff! jay x gn! reader
genre: angst
wc: 3.5k
warnings: profanities, self-indulgent. tell me if i missed anything!
THE HEARTBREAK COLLECTION.
req. by anon.
A smile traces your sigh as you step inside the chilly room, heart fluttering as you see Jay waving his hand, pointing to the available seat beside him. As you walk closer to him, wearing your heart on your sleeves, you feel his eyes staring at you.
“Hey…” You smile, settling on the seat. “I swear I was so ready to kneel in front of Professor Ahn if I was late again,”
“Well, you’re just right on time,” Jay helps you untangle your messy hair, looking at you. “Did you run here or what?”
“Oh you wouldn’t want to know,” You sigh, getting the water bottle Jay offered to you. “I almost missed my bus again, and there was some traffic in the intersection so I had to go and run from there. Right at the entrance of the school, there was a pile of students gathering there and I didn’t even had the time to know why,” A groan leaving your lips after gulping water, you feel Jay’s hands caress your back which makes you tense up a little bit, and it doesn’t hlp that Jay notices this.
“You good?” His hand stays, worried of you. “Take your time, class doesn’t start in ten.”
“Yeah…” You mutter out, trying to calm down as you try to hide a smile.
Park Jongseong. Jay— he was your bestfriend since highschool, and even tailed each other to college. Everywhere you go, anywhere you go, Jay was always there to support you and go with you. It would be an actual given for you to fall, when he was everyone’s dreams.
Wise. Good-looking. Caring. Family-oriented. Wealthy. Humble. Down to earth. Everything.
Everyone would ask you, how could you not have fallen for the Park Jongseong yet? No. It’s not that you haven’t fallen yet, you just haven’t made it known.
And you don’t have plans of making it known.
Because if it means Jay being uncomfortable around you if he didn’t feel the same, it was a no-no situation for you.
“Hey, y/n.” Jay starts, snapping in front of you to get your attention. “Are you really okay?”
After shaking your head, you sigh and look at him, nodding.
“Yeah, of course. Is there something wrong?”
“Nothing, just you. Tell me if you’re not feeling well, okay?” Jay and his stupid damned smile. It makes you jelly, weak on your knees. It makes you want to make Professor Ahn walk inside that door right this instant, so you could finally have some distraction— even though Jay was the real distraction here.
“Yeah, I will.” You mumble once again, trying to contain your sighs as you finally shake your head to reality, opening some notes in case your professor gives some surprise quiz.
Well, that wasn’t the case. Rather, just a surprise. It was an unfamiliar face walking inside the room, in casual clothes, notebooks tucked right in their arms as their eyes looked around the room for available seats.
Your head immediately turn to Jay, chest already feeing heavy at the sight of a new arrival. It makes you sigh in relief when Jay doesn’t budge in his position, too focused on jotting down notes to even lift his head for a second.
It was too early to dismiss that— when the newbie drags the available seat beside him, Jay finally takes interest and you see his eyes light up like how your eyes do for him.
“Oh hey, you’re new?” Jay starts a conversation, which is so unlikely considering that he has always been introverted and shy with strangers. You melt back on your seat, hearing low groans outside the door which makes you raise your eyebrow.
Ah. The cause of chaos.
“Well, who dares go compete with the Jongseong,” You hear one of them say before they walk away, and it was quieter than before— maybe it was because the gossip of a newcomer.
Minjung. The name. Marked in your head and your heart— it was a knife that carved the hurt of your heart. How could you forget?
How could you forget that day, as Minjung came in with confident strides, a smile so beautiful it would make everyone’s jaw drop, a brain so deep and buried with so much knowledge— like everyone said, was another Jay?
How could you forget the day your bestfriend that you liked finally liked someone that wasn’t you?
How could you forget it even a year after?
“Hey, you going to the camping for sophomores?” You ask the busy Jay beside you, the thought just suddenly passing your mind. “You know, the org’s camping.”
“Oh, yeah. Wait— you’re going, right?” He finally lifts his head, eyebrows furrowed as he waits for your answer. You chuckle, taken aback by his sudden curiosity.
“Uh, yeah? If you’re going then I’m going too,” You say as a matter-of-factly, and you see him sigh.
“You should… I am so gonna need you there,” He whispers, but you were too busy suppressing a squeal to even hear him. He glances at you and smiles, he thinks it’s cute. He thinks you’re cute.
“Which part of this whole camping are you most excited for?” Jay suddenly asks, making you perk from your bus seat.
“Huh? I uh… I guess the bonfire? But I know best it would not be the hiking part, god forbid.” You shake your head at the thought, that’s something to do for later but you can always delay it in your mind by not thinking of the exhaustion. Jay laughs wholeheartedly, knowing that you are the most uncoordinated person he had ever known. “What about you?”
“Me? Hmm,” He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back at his seat. “Somewhere after the bonfire?”
“You’re not sure? And why after the bonfire?” You question, forehead creasing in curiosity.
“I don’t know. Maybe I just like the afterglow— the lingering feeling it leaves? You know, usually during a bonfire, everyone just… shares, am I right? Or just something that some people really find comforting. I am one of those, only with a guitar,” Jay pats his guitar in front of him and looks at you, eyes overshadowed by his hoodie and smile hidden behind his mask but you knew just oh-so-well how he looked.
It made you smile— it made you push his face away in light annoyance.
Because how could you get butterflies from random things he does?
“Could someone please get us some more twigs for the bonfire? We’re losing the bonfire here,” Your org manager shouts, looking around for someone who is able to do what is asked to do. You also look around, everyone either busy eating or resting. You shrug, volunteering as you set your drink aside, patting Jay in the arm to let him know.
“Wait, let me go with you.” He also sets his drink aside, catching up to you and you only chuckle at him. “I smell so bad, I bet.” He whispers, smelling his hoodie. “The smoke’s been on me all night,”
“You’re fine. That’s the essence of bonfire. Everybody gets smoked on,”
“That doesn’t make sense!” He retorts, picking up a few random twigs with you. “I want to be presentable at least until the end of the bonfire, I got something to d—,”
“Oh my god,” You unintentionally cut him off, giving the bunch of twigs you had in your arm to him as you run where something caught your attention, totally in awe. “Jay…”
“Hey, don’t run! You don’t even have a flashl— goddamn it, y/n,” He shakes his head, tailing you with light steps.
He finally, for the second time, catches up to you, also catching his breath but once he looked at where you’re so invested at, he’s breathless again.
“Woah…” His body looks around and it just makes him gasp, the view of the whole galaxy in front of him. Bright countless, shining stars, and big full moon and some shooting stars.
At awe would be an understatement.
“Let’s stay here for awhile,” You giddily pull his arms and help him put the twigs in one place, dragging him to a random cement, probably what was once also a premise, to stop and adore. “We should’ve set up here.”
“Did you forget that you were the one literally begging to finally stop at that flat, covered place?” Jay giggles, taking a seat beside you. “It’s so pretty,” He spares a second looking at you, before giving a light giggle then back to the magnificent view in front of him.
“Jay! Jay! Jay! I’ve never seen so much shooting stars in my life. If I saw ten, does that mean I can make ten wishes too?” You had a very wide smile, something Jay rarely sees when you’re always, and have always been stressed with college activities. Maybe it’s also because he doesn’t notice how you hide it all the time— because all the smile’s reasons were him.
“How would I know?” He chuckles, “But go and make as much as you like, you’ve got nothing to lose,” He ruffles your hair, watching you clasp your hands together and close your eyes once your eyes landed on one of the many shooting stars continuously appearing.
He looks at you for a second. Then for a minute. He doesn’t know why he feels full, he hasn’t even finished his food back in the site yet, but he does. He does when he looks at you. Like how you feel when you see a close person become so happy with a simple thing. Just like that feeling.
But he immediately shrugs and dismisses it, following you as he clasps his hands together, closing his eyes, and making a wish.
One of it was for you to always be this happy.
“Where the hell have you two been? The bonfire’s dying out! Faster!” You jog back to the site, apologizing profusely and finally sitting back to where you were before.
Jay grabs his guitar, and finally, everyone was silent. A comfortable one. Just the crackling fire, the crickets in the background, and Jay’s strumming.
It was just some random melody, accompanied by his lovely humming. It was godly, everything about him. But this time, you weren’t awed, nor surprised.
You decided to finally just… enjoy it. Cherish it. He had always been this way, and you didn’t wanna waste every moment realizing he is more amazing than he shows usually, when you’ve known he always had something more to give.
“How about let’s call this a day, huh? Go to your tents and we’ll see you in the morning, okay? Get some good night sleep and mend with nature! Goodnight, guys!” After an hour or so, your org manager claps his hand to get your attentions.
“Hey, I’m going to head in now, where’s your tent again?” You look beside you as you clean up, seeing Jay was too stunned to even move, nervous. “Jay?”
“Huh? Yes. I uh, there,” He points at one of the tents, and you nod.
“Okay, I might just barge in and play with you if I can’t sleep.” You chuckle, but before you take a step away from him to head to your own tent, you look at him, still seated on the same spot. “Are… you not heading in yet?”
“Yeah, I.. just got to do something.” He sighs, nodding at himself. “I’ll head in in awhile, you go first,” He smiles at you, but it was too strained to ease your slight worry. But despite it, you just agree and nod.
You must’ve forgotten for a moment— it was your wish anyway, to forget. To forget how your bestfriend never really looked at you the same way you looked at him.
Because when you turn your back to check on him again before you zipped your tent up, Minjung was already making their way beside Jay, and you knew what was just about to happen.
“Jay, I need help in this chemistry paper, do you think maybe you could help me later after class?” You start cleaning your desk, leaning closer to try and get his attention.
“Ah…” Jay mumbles, looking at you with a strained expression. “I have plans later, maybe another time? When is this due?”
“It’s okay! No worries, the internet will be there to save the day…” You smile at him, ignoring his questions. As he mumbles another apology, you just continue to clean your desk, “...again,” You whisper, because it is indeed the nth time Jay had turned you down, which, at first, was unlikely because again, Jay had no closer friends than you.
“I’m really sorry, but I have to get going.” He stands up, half reluctant to go feeling sorry for you.
You sigh. Maybe you’ve had enough, or maybe you’re just not used to the fact that Jay doesn’t have time like used to in his hands to hang out with you. Even as a study pair would suffice, but apparently, he was too busy for that too.
“What have you been doing these days? Why are you always so stirred to go home after class? Is it something I did?” You look up at him who was standing in front of you, shocked at your sudden outburst.
“No! You didn’t do anything I just—,”
“Then what, Jay? You’re not even up to studying. Getting a simple coffee. Teaching me a single equation after class. What’s happening because even though I sound so fucking demanding right now, I’m actually getting pissed.”
But he doesn’t seem to care— glancing at his watch for a second before turning back to you.
“I’m really sorry, y/n. I’ll explain everything later on, okay? For now, I have to run.” And he leaves you there, dumbfounded and hurt. Were you asking for too much for a best friend?
You only scoff, now shoving your notebooks to the depths of your bag. If he was going to act like that, then fine. Just know that you’re pettier unless his reason was valid.
“I’m going to shit myself,” You hit your temple a little stronger than what you had intended on the table, groaning in pain as you caress the part. Jay had been in your head all night long, and not even a single paragraph on your chemistry paper has been done because of it. “Need a fucking breather.”
You wear your hoodie and get your phone and wallet, walking to the nearest convenience store in hopes of eating your thoughts away— and getting your head iced in the process.
A small, tired welcome greets you once you had opened the glass doors, bells jingling as you smile at the cashier. It was empty today, just like it had always been when it was a weekday night, too late for the students to be hanging out.
You head to the drinks section, getting everything you had wanted, and ice, of course, then to the counter to pay for it.
“Thank you,” You mumble, getting everything and settling on the cornermost part of the convenience store to start to devour. “I just can’t get it. If it’s something I did, or maybe in his part, wouldn’t he have told me by now?” You shake your head, taking a bite of whatever was in your hand. “We’ve been stuck to the hip ever since high school. And now he’s just going to throw me away like this? What about me? What about my feelings? What about—” Your rambling cuts short when a familiar guitar case gets your attention, just right in front of you, glass window right in between but it feels like you’re inside a small room, suffocating alone with no one to help you.
There he was. You would love to stop there, but it continues with …with her. Holding hands, smiles reaching their ears as they shared earphones, almost heading inside the store if it weren’t for you gawking at them from the inside.
Shocked and hurt was an understatement for you, and guilt for him. You both didn’t know why you felt like these, but it just happened. The moment your eyes trailed from their hands to Jay’s eyes, he rapidly removes his hand from Mingjung’s, the earbud they had been sharing.
At the same time, you didn’t even get to clean up your mess as you only get your phone and wallet, heading out the store in a rush as you try and keep the tears in. If you were going to cry, you weren’t planning to look him in the eyes with it.
But plans don’t always go well.
Jay runs after you, leaving Minjung confused but he couldn’t care less, his priority was you. And when he catches up with you, he steps right in front of you to stop you.
“y/n.. Let me explain.”
“Move.” You dismiss him, his lines were too cliche. You try to walk past him but he only grabs your arms, making you step away from him and pull your arm strongly to escape his grip. “I said move. You don’t even have to explain anything.” You try to chuckle, but it only comes out as too forced. Though it was.
“I want to. Minjung— we’re just—,” Jay tries and finds any words that might appear right, but you don’t even hear him out as you try and make your useless escape. “y/n!”
“What, Jay?” Unlike his restless appearance, you were calm. You were… surrendering. “Why do you even want to explain? To make me feel better? Because I think at this point, you’re explaining just to make yourself feel better for keeping it from your bestfriend.” You smile, unable to hide the tears from him as it escapes from your eyes one by one. “Right? And I feel so shitty of feeling this way because just like I said, I am just your best… friend. “ You sigh, clicking your tongue against your cheek. “I feel so shitty for making you want to explain because… you shouldn’t have to. It’s your life, who the fuck cares who you date!”
“We’re not,” Jay butts in, trying to calm you down but in fact, he was calming himself.
“Oh?” You chuckle in disbelief. “How’d you think Minjung will react when they hear that from you?” You shut your mouth first to let him answer, but nothing comes out from him but a sigh. “See.” You hold out a sob, looking elsewhere, just not his eyes. “Just… go back. Minjung must be so confused right now— and that’s what needs to be explained. Nothing with me,” You finally push him away to walk so helplessly back to your flat, and it was something in between in denial and acting as if you didn’t care, sitting back on your study table as you grab your pencil and the paper you were working on awhile ago.
You’ve put a few words out before tears continuously drop on the paper, making the ink spread and make the whole paper unreadable. Maybe it was your last straw, as you finally sob quietly there, covering your eyes to stop from looking at yourself from the countless reflections around you.
You didn’t want to see yourself like this— helpless, broken and hurt.
You’ve seen it one too many times.
Meanwhile, Jay was there, where you left him. His feet can’t even take him back to the person he thought he liked so much, not until he saw you there inside the convenience store with broken eyes. His tears flow out of his eyes as he lets out a shaky sigh, brushing his hair back in frustration as he finally crouches down right in the middle of the street.
His chest feels like it’s being pulled apart, the world spinning too fast for him. Your eyes that looked hopelessly at him tattooed right in his brain, the memories of your eyes full of love now can’t be remembered.
It was completely the opposite of what he felt that night, under the stars.
He doesn’t understand— one of his wishes was for you to be happy. Then why?
Or maybe he does understand, he just doesn’t want to accept it— the fact that maybe, one, just a single wish is granted for one person, or two, your happiness isn’t really him.
And since he doesn’t want to admit the fact that the second option exists, he blames himself.
Because his first wish wasn’t you. His first wish was granted— and it was right there, waiting for him to come back to the convenience store.
He should’ve thought about his feelings for you the moment he overheard you telling another friend that you liked him. He hurt you, and in the process, hurt himself too.
Was it a bad time to realize that he had liked you just as much as you liked him, for as long as you did, too?
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↬ pairing: childhood best friend! hoseok x reader, other members might be mentioned, txt makes appearances <3
↬ genre/aus: fluff, slightly heavy angst, non idol au, college/university au, friends to lovers, slow burn (like slower than the sloth in zootopia slow)
↬ wc: 5.6k
↬ summary: in which you and your longtime best friend experience all of your firsts.
↬ rating(s): pg15, nc17 (see warnings)
↬ tw: heavy swearing, mentions of alcohol, light alcohol consumption, heavy angst (im sorry i couldn’t resist), happy ending, mutual pining (ah yes we love her), hoseok is an actual sweetheart but a bit oblivious, mentions of stress (bc college/uni can be a pain, briefly mentioned), mentions of heartbreak, rejection (brief)
↬ note: this drabble is loosely inspired by the song ‘best friend’ by conan gray, which is another song that i have had on repeat lately, and is part of my ongoing ‘footnote’ drabble series! i’ve had lots of fun drafting and writing these drabbles, and i hope you all are enjoying them <3 it feels really good to be putting out fics, it’s been too long :’) also, i kind of strayed a bit from the original meaning of this song bc i’m a sucker for romance ahaha :) + oh and this drabble is dedicated to the angel herself, cam (aka @sunshinejunghoseokie) bc she’s sunshine personified, just like hobi <333
hoseok had always been there, a constant and comforting presence in your life. it’d all started on a warm, sunny afternoon in april, when the weather was just right, and your mother had decided to take you to the local park for some fresh air. after she’d settled down on a park bench and had dismissed you with a gentle, loving smile, assuring you that it was alright for you to go and “be a kid”, as she’d put it.
you’d smiled with pure delight, running around and feeling the cool wind wash over you. you’d soon gotten distracted by a butterfly flitting by, its paper thin wings pure white, and it fascinated you, for how could such a plain color look so ethereal? your nine year old self was easily swayed, and the sight of the tiny butterfly was no exception.
you’d watched in awe as it flitted around with ease, occasionally pausing to land gently on a clematis, its white wings a stark contrast against its light purple petals. the butterfly was like art in motion, gliding smoothly through the air effortlesly. “it’s pretty, right?” a voice had said from beside you, and you’d yelped in shock, turning to see who’d managed to sneak up on you.
though you were much too young to know what beauty really was, the young boy who’d silently materialized beside you seemed to be the visual representation. he was about an inch taller than you, with wavy, black hair and hazel eyes, features delicate. a sheepish smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you, it’s just… you looked so peaceful and i didn’t want to bother you.”
his voice was kind and gentle, yet soft, impossibly so, as if he were afraid of scaring you. “i-it’s okay, i was just a little surprised.” the boy’s expression brightened. “i’’m glad! my name’s hoseok, by the way, what’s yours?” “y/n.” you’d replied, feeling a smile of your own tug at the corners of your lips as you held out your hand for him to shake. when his hand engulfed yours, soft and warm, you knew that this was the start of a long-lasting friendship.
it’d turned out that hoseok had newly moved to seoul from gwanju, and was now living in the house adjacent to yours. thus, every afternoon, you’d always hang out together, running around and letting out loud shrieks of joyful laughter as you played tag, giggling when you’d use chalk to draw on the sidewalk, hands covered in pink and purple and blue and yellow dust, grinning mischeviously as you purposely jumped into puddles as you played in the rain, ignoring your parents’ warnings that you’d both get sick, curled up next to each other when you’d both ran a high fever, small hands grasping each others’ tightly.
then, middle and high school drifted by, with you and hoseok both navigating the ups and downs of your teenage and adolescent years, dealing with puberty and crushes and the like. middle school was quite uneventful, as the majority of it was spent with you teasing hoseok over his voice cracks and he with your first crush, jeon jungkook, who was a transfer student from busan and had the prettiest pair of doe eyes you’d ever seen.
hoseok would relentlessly tease you about said male, laughing when you’d blush profusely anytime he’d so much as look in your direction, and that’d you should just tell him how you felt. of course, you’d refused to do such as thing, and thus spent the remainder of eighth grade pining after jungkook from afar.
then, high school came and went, and college fast approached, with you and hoseok starting to branch out and meet other people, as well as be involved in your school community, joining clubs and the like. hoseok even joined the male dance team one year, and you the art club, having had a penchant for drawing and painting as a child. it was during your junior year of college that both you and hoseok experienced your first heartbreak.
for you, your first heartbreak had come in the form of choi soobin, who was a tall and kind-hearted senior who’d caught your eye the minute you laid eyes on him during summer orientation. he’d been with his older sister and brother at the time, all of them towering over half of the people in your group, and you’d fallen instantly, admiring the sharp slope of his jaw and the curve of his soft mouth.
you’d somehow managed to muster up the courage to confess to him, stumbling and stuttering over your words, and then, a long stretch of stunned silence. after what seemed like an eternity, soobin awkwardly cleared his throat, hand rubbing the back of his neck, smiling nervously. “i’m really, really, sorry, but i’m not looking for a relationship right now. you seem like an amazing girl, though, and i’m sure any guy would be lucky to date you.”
all you could so was apologize profusely, ducking your head so soobin couldn’t see the fresh tears forming, of which he waved off with a kind and sad smile. “no, no, it’s okay, no need to apologize, i’m sure it took a lot of courage for you to be so honest with me. i hope we can still be good friends, though. that is, if you’re willing.” despite yourself, you’d nodded, giving him a watery smile, and gotten his phone number before giving him a small wave as he turned and left.
though soobin had been an absolute sweetheart about the whole situation, even going as far as wanting to be friends with you, it’d still hadn’t taken away the sting of the rejection. you’d ran to the school’s dance studio after, tears in your eyes, and one of hoseok’s teammates, lisa, had immediately ran and gotten hoseok, who’d been getting ready for rehearsal in the boys’ locker room.
you didn’t even have to say anything before hoseok pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a warm embrace, rubbing comforting circles on your back. you’d immediately started sobbing into his shoulder, blabbering about how guilty you felt for interrupting his practice, and hoseok, ever the evangelist, had said, “y/n, don’t be ridiculous. some stupid dance practice can wait, but comforting my best friend can’t. now hush and cry your heart out, love, it’s okay.”
and so, you did exactly that, sobbing profusely into the crook of hoseok’s shoulder, which was warm and solid and familiar, and comforting. he’d spent the next few weeks watching all your favorite movies without complaint, making sure to bring over your favorite snacks and alcohol, letting you use his lap as a pillow, carding gentle fingers through your hair.
this was familiar to you, as you and hoseok had done the same as kids, curled up next to each other on your living room couch, eyes glued to the tv, watching an animated movie or show, enjoying each other’s presence and company. you were grateful that hoseok was so comfortable with you that seemingly intimate moments like this just felt natural, casual, even.
then, you’d finally gotten over the stinging (yet polite) rejection from soobin, hoseok had just experienced his first heartbreak. he’d had a little crush on one of his dance teammates, jisoo, who was slim and gorgeous and kind, and told you over lunch one day that he was going to finally confess.
you’d immediately encouraged him to go for it, and that you’d be waiting to hear all the details later. as soon as hoseok had gone to his next class that same day, you immediately texted soobin, who’d you surprisingly gotten closer too, ever since the initial rejection.
he had become someone that you could confide in and text at random intervals throughout the day. you message threads consisted of memes, cute pictures of puppies and his pet hedgehog, odi, who was actually very adorable, despite soobin’s insistence that he could be quite the brat at times, and so on. and, on occasion, “intel” on fellow students. thus, what’d led you to texting him abruptly one afternoon, momentarily distracting yourself from writing an important paper.
do you know anything about a girl named jisoo?
jisoo? ah, isn’t she on the dance team with hoseok hyung?
yeah, that’s her. do you know anything about her?
not much. i just know that she’s a transfer student, she arrived here sometime last year or so
well, do you know anyone who knows anything about her?
i might. why? what’s with the sudden curiosity?
ah, well, it’s really not my place to tell.
this information isn’t going to be freely given, i’m afraid <3
you rolled your eyes. soobin was always one for dramatics, it seemed. you sighed, before writing, you’re a pain in the ass, you know that? fine. hoseok’s planning on confessing to her sometime after their dance team’s practice tonight. happy? and if you breathe a word about this to anyone i will kill you.
i’m very happy, thank you very much. and, yes, i’m very much aware. my roommate, taehyun, tells me that all the time actually :) AND OMG WHAT??? ARE YOU FR??
you snorted and wrote, yes. insantly, soobin began typing in reply. the bubble started and paused, and then, finally, the message came. finally, some interesting shit is happening for once at this hellhole of a school. i’ll text you all the info later <333
you huffed a laugh at soobin’s dramatics, setting your phone aside and trying to focus on the paper you’d been trying to write for the past hour, the soft blue glow from your laptop illuminating your features. this essay is going to give me a headache, i just know it.
true to his word, soobin had texted you an hour later, with the information he’d gathered about jisoo, courtesy of his best friend, choi yeonjun, who happened to be on the same dance team as both hoseok and aforementioned female. apparently, jisoo was a film major, and had joined the dance team about a year after she’d transferred to seoul.
and, according to yeonjun, jisoo wasn’t really one for relationships, and had no known romantic partners, nor crushes. when you’d learned this small piece of information, your heart had sunk immediately, stomach curling with dread. hoseok’s going to be devastated.
a few hours later, just as you’d feared, a text from hoseok came. meet me at the gazebo near the fountain. please, was all it said, and you immediately knew something was wrong. the aforementioned gazebo, which was located on the east side of campus, was where hoseok often went when he was feeling down or just needed to clear his head.
you’d immediately shrugged on a light hoodie and slipping on a worn pair of sneakers, slipping quietly out your door, not wanting to disturb your roommate, who’d fallen asleep hours ago, exhausted from her long day of classes, locking it carefully behind you.
when you’d finally reached the gazebo, your heart immediately broke at the sight before you. hoseok was sitting on the bench, hugging his knees to his chest, body shaking with quiet sobs, and you’d rushed over, not bothering with words as you’d gathered your best friend into your arms, hugging him tightly and rubbing comforting circles on his back.
just as hoseok had done for you, you spent the following weeks watching all his favorite films, bringing him his favorite drinks and alcoholic beverages, letting him use your shoulder as a pillow, carding gentle fingers through his soft hair.
it’d felt like old times, when you’d comfort each other during a sad film or after getting scolded by your parents for misbehaving. little words were spoken, for you and hoseok always understood each other, and always knew what the other needed, and thus words were not needed.
a few months later, when hoseok was seemingly over jisoo’s rejection, he’d started seeing aureum, an arts major, who had a lovely, friendly face and dark, wavy hair that fell just above her shoulders. you’d had the pleasure of meeting her one day, when hosoek had finally decided to introduce you after they’d been going out for weeks. you’d been a bit apprehensive, but had agreed to have lunch with her and hoseok, to see if this girl was really as lovely as your best friend had described her to be.
to your relief, aureum seemed to genuinely like hoseok, and was sweet and unfailingly polite and forthcoming. she also had a passion for dancing, just as he did, and had even decided to join the dance team he was on. and, she was as lovely as hoseok had made her out to be, and you’d immediately taken a liking to her, especially after expressing that one of her favorite films was howls moving castle.
their relationship had started out smoothly at first, and your heart was warm and delighted at seeing hoseok so happy. aureum seemed to adore your best friend, for there was no mistaking the fond smiles and looks of pure, unadulterated adoration she’d send him. they were quite adorable together, you’d admit, always going out on cute picnic dates, walking to class together, and even dancing together.
then, you’d started to see less and less of hoseok, who’d spend more time with his girlfriend, too infatuated to realize that he was starting to pull away from you. you’d tried not to let it bother you, for this was the first time in a while that you’d seen hoseok so happy, and you’d never forgive yourself if you tried to deprive him of that happiness.
so, instead of feeling bitter about how your best friend was spending way more time with his girlfriend than you, you’d thrown yourself into your coursework, letting yourself be distracted and occupied with assignments and exams and the like. and, when you’d have free time, you’d hang out with soobin. and, you wouldn’t say you were purposely avoiding hoseok, but then, it wasn’t entirely a lie either.
aforementioned male seemed all too happy to indulge you, for he always asked you to hang out after classes, and you’d spend hours with him at the park or at the campus starbucks, laughing and talking about nonsense. and, soobin had decided to introduce you to his friends, who were all very kind and a bit chaotic, and “absolute menaces” (soobin’s words).
first was his roommate, taehyun, a wide-eyed music major who, despite soobin’s insistence that he was an “absolute menace to society”, was an absolute sweetheart, and a little quiet and soft-spoken. then, there was yeonjun, a dance major and who’d been the one that had had provided details on jisoo. and, according to soobin, he was known to be a massive flirt, and many females (and some males) were putty in his hands. but, he was also very caring and the eldest of their friend group.
lastly, there was beomgyu and huening kai, two freshman who’d transferred to seoul recently, both also music majors, along with taehyun. beomgyu was loud and a bit chaotic, and huening kai was also equally as chaotic and a bit loud at times, and also one of the tallest people you’d ever met, save for soobin.
aforementioned males were also very kind, albeit a bit too honest at times, but very fun to be around nonetheless. they’d all accepted you into their friend group fairly quickly, and you’d found yourself spending a lot of time with them outside of classes, getting korean barbeque, a drive-in movie, and the arcade, where you’d giggle over how competitive they all were, especially when it came to air hockey. it’d also served as a distraction from how hoseok was spending more time with his girlfriend.
and, one day, hoseok had finally noticed. it was a sunny afternoon, of all things, and you’d been holed up in the campus library for hours, trying to draft an essay for your english literature class, hands hovering above your keyboard, mind whirring for ideas. he’d abruptly burst into the library, earning a few annoyed glances by people around you, but hoseok had paid them no mind.
he’d immediately walked right over to you, confusion and sadness written all over his face. you’d tried to act casual, simply looking up at him over your computer. “what’s wrong?” you asked, keeping your tone neutral, and hoseok had frowned. “shouldn’t i be the one asking you that?” he whisper-yelled, and you’d blanched. “what are you talking about?”
“why have you been avoiding me?” hoseok had blurted, and you’d immediately froze. shit. you hadn’t expected him to confront you directly about it. there was no way you could tell him that you were feeling hurt because he wasn’t spending as much time with you as he usually did. “n-nothing’s wrong, and i haven’t been avoiding you, i’ve been busy with assignments.”
hoseok had rolled his eyes, clearly not buying into your blatant lie. “don’t bullshit me, y/n, we’ve been friends for years, don’t think i can’t tell when you’re lying.” though his tone had been calm, you knew him well enough to know that he was pissed, for you could hear the hidden anger in his voice.
and that’s when you couldn’t take it anymore, and something in you snapped at his words. “well, if you’re so curious, it’s because of you. you’ve been spending more time with aureum lately. and before you yell at me and spout some bullshit, i don’t hate her. i adore her, actually, and i don’t care if you spend time with her, she’s your girlfriend, for fucks sake. but, when you start to neglect me, your best friend, might i add, it kind of stings. i’m not fucking expecting you to spend every minute of everyday with me, but we’re friends, you asshole. you’re not supposed to just forget about me, it’s like our friendship doesn’t even matter to you anymore.”
you were practically rambling at this point, trying to keep your voice as even as possible, fighting back tears of anger and frustration. “i didn’t want to say anything because i know you’re going to think i’m being overdramatic or whatever. but just so you know, i tried not to resent you. i mean, i loved how happy you were, and i would never forgive myself if i took that away from you.”
you exhaled slowly in an attempt to soothe your anger, to no avail. to your frustration, hoseok had just stood there, mouth opening and closing, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. you packed up all your things in a rush, shoving them in your backpack, and fled the library, not sparing a hoseok another glance. after the confrontation, you’d somehow ended up in soobin’s dorm, not wanting to go back to your own, for it was a place that you’d spent a lot of time with hoseok in, and you didn’t want to be reminded of them at the moment.
soobin, ever the angel, had immediately ushered you inside his dorm, running to fetch you a warm blanket to wrap around your shoulders, gently guiding you to sit on his comfy living room couch while he made you a cup of hot chocolate. to your surprise, soobin didn’t question you, demanding for an explanation as to why you’d suddenly shown up at his dorm in the middle of the day, eyes red-rimmed from crying.
he’d just sat beside you on the living room couch in companiable silence, putting on a drama for background noise, and he’d even let you rest your head on his shoulder. “i’m sorry for disturbing you.” you’d whispered after a while, voice slightly hoarse, your now empty mug of hot chocolate sitting on the coffee table. soobin had just shaken his head, giving you a sympathetic grin.
“you’re not, don’t worry. taehyun wouldn’t mind, either. and besides, we’re friends, and aren’t they supposed to be there for each other in times like this?” you’d smiled, despite yourself. “yeah, they are.” then. soobin had started talking about random things, light blue eyes sparkling as he rambled away, and you let him talk your ear off, listening to the comforting timber of his voice.
it’d seemed like hours before there was a knock at soobin’s door, and you felt your stomach curl with dread, knowing exactly who it was. thankfully, soobin only gestured for you to stay put while he went and answered the door. sure enough, it swung open to reveal a frazzled hoseok, jet black hair unruly. “i-is y/n here?” you heard soobin let out a deep, resigned sigh.
“she is, she came here a few hours ago. why?” he asked calmly. “we had a bit of a disagreement earlier, and i just wanted to make sure she’s okay.” you internally scoffed at his words. he wants me to apologize? absolutely not. “well, i can assure you she’s alright. a little emotionally damaged due to a certain someone, but she’s okay. for the most part, at least.”
though soobin’s voice was deadly calm, you knew him well enough to hear the hidden anger in his tone. “i-i didn’t know she was-” “of course you didn’t, because you were too busy with your girlfriend. aureum, was it?” hoseok blanched. “h-how did you-” “y/n tells me everything, asshole. now, you either apologize for hurting her or you get the hell out. your choice.” soobin’s voice was uncharacteristically cold, and it sent a shiver down your spine.
hoseok had apologized, tears streaming down his face, shakily reaching out to clasp your hands in his, and your weak, fragile heart had forgiven him instantly. you knew that you couldn’t stay mad at him for long, it was virtually impossible, especially when he was always so sincere.
then, weeks later, it’d seemed that hoseok and aureum weren’t speaking to each other, for he would scoff and roll his eyes everytime his phone would ping with a new message from her, or when she’d try to call him at ungodly hours. you hadn’t wanted to ask, for hoseok didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about aureum. then, that’s when you’d witnessed a heated argument between them. hoseok had texted you to meet him at the campus starbucks, and so, after a long day of classes, you headed over there, humming softly to yourself as you went.
then, that’s when you heard the yelling, causing you to hover awkwardly in the doorway of starbucks. “what is she to you?!” aureum screamed, tears streaming down her face, mouth twisted in anger. hoseok seemed to be having a hard time containing his own anger, hands curling into fists. “aureum, i already told you, she’s my best friend. i’ve told you this a million fucking times, but you won’t fucking listen to me.” hoseok snapped, voice uncharacteristically cold.
aureum was unfazed as she let out a patronizing laugh. “you expect me to believe that bullshit? i see the way you two look at each other, there’s no fucking way you’re just friends. what’s so special about her anyway? isn’t she always hanging around soobin and his friends? she’s such a-” “don’t you fucking dare insult her in front of me.” hoseok snarled, and aureum’s expression darkened, mouth twisting into a scowl.
other students, bless them, were pretending not to notice the couple arguing, instead feigning interest in the colorful paintings on the walls or the veritable mountain of papers and textbooks scattered on their tables.
“or what? what are you going to do, hoseok? slap me? i’ll have you reported if you do.” she taunted, dark eyes gleaming, and hoseok gritted his teeth, jaw clenching. “i-” “kindly fuck off, aureum.” you said cooly, abruptly cutting him off. said female whirled towards you, dark eyes blazing with a mixture of annoyance and anger.
“he’s not lying to you, you know. i am nothing but his mere best friend, we’ve been friends since childhood. hoseok’s never cheated on you, and even if he did, it certainly wouldn’t be with me. if you actually doubt that hoseok would do such a heinous thing, you’re delusional. he’s one of the most honest and caring guys i’ve ever met, and if you don’t see that, then, i honestly don’t know what to say to you.”
aureum was practically fuming at this point, hands curling into tight fists, nostrils flaring. “what the fuck? who the hell do you think you are to tell me this shit? you don’t get to stand here and insult me.” she spat, and hoseok let out a resigned sigh. “aureum, we all knew this wasn’t going to last long. i mean, i enjoyed all the times we had together, but if you can’t trust me the way i do you, then maybe we shouldn’t let this continue.”
aureum’s eyes widened. “what the hell are you saying?” she asked, lips quivering. “i’m saying that maybe we should take a break. it’s not an official breakup, but i think we need time away from each other, figure things out.” “fine, but don’t come crying to me if you end up missing me too much.” she hissed, and with a withering glare towards you, she stormed out of the starbucks, the door slamming behind her.
“i’m sorry about her.” hoseok mumbled, pale cheeks flushing with shame. “i didn’t expect her to start yelling at me so suddenly, i didn’t even say anything to her.” you shook your head. “no, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for.”
“thank you, by the way. for speaking up for me, i mean.” you waved off his thanks with a dismissive hand. “don’t mention it, you looked like you were about to strangle her, i thought i’d save you the trouble.” hoseok snorted, and you fell into an easy and light conversation as you went to order your drinks, the tension in the air slowly fading.
weeks passed, and hoseok seemed much happier without aureum, throwing himself into dance practices, as well as his classes, having late night study sessions with you when he wasn’t stuck at the dance studio. much to his relief, he’d said, aureum had quit the dance team. and, throughout those long weeks, you found yourself falling in love with your best friend.
it horrified you, for hoseok technically still had a girlfriend, they were just on a break. you felt ashamed for even entertaining the thought of hoseok being yours. idiot. he has a fucking girlfriend, for heavens sake, you can’t develop feelings for him.
thus, you tried to ignore the aching feeling in your chest whenever hoseok would give you that gorgeous smile, the one that made his hazel eyes practically sparkle, crinkling at the corners, the shiver that ran down your spine at the loud, full bellied laugh that would spill out of him after you’d tell him an awful joke, or the way his voice sounded in the mornings when he’d call you to come over and bring him a cup of coffee, low and raspy.
it also didn’t help that hoseok was infuriatingly gorgeous. dark hair that fell over perfectly chiseled cheekbones, hazel eyes that were always full of mirth and pure, unadulterated joy, plush lips, and, oh, his smile. it was utterly devestating, the effect it had on you. it lit up his entire face, and it never failed to take your breath away. his voice was soft and deep and gentle, and, not only that, hoseok was kind and intelligent and witty, not to mention one of the most caring people in your life.
you weren’t sure when your feelings had started, but you knew that there was no denying your feelings, especially when you’d noticed that you’d blush when hoseok would do so much as look at you, for heavens sake. fortunately, hoseok was much too oblivious to notice that you’d started to get a bit flustered around him, and for that you were a bit grateful.
you were determined to keep your feelings for your best friend under wraps, no matter what it took. then, one cool, spring night, hoseok asked if you wanted to go to the gazebo with him for a bit, to get some fresh air. of course, you’d said yes, thinking nothing of it, for thet request was nothing new. so, there you were, sitting under a gazebo with the person who always made you feel safe, looking up at the stars.
the air was cool and crisp, and you were grateful that you’d worn your favorite beige cardigan over your loose, black t-shirt. a comfortable silence settled around you, and as such, your mind started to wander. hoseok was sitting close to you, too close, in fact, to the point where your shoulders touched, warmth radiating from the former. you were grateful for the darkness, so hoseok couldn’t see the blush threatening to form. “so, why did you call me out here? i assume it’s not just because you wanted to see me.” you joked, and hoseok let out a soft chuckle.
“you always see right through me, huh?” you nudged his shoulder playfully. “of course, i mean, we’re best friends, aren’t we?” hoseok turned to face you, the soft glow of the moonlight illuminating his sharp features, and you tried not to stare at the slope of his jaw. “y/n, i need to tell you something, and i need you to promise me something.”
he sounded nervous, tone slightly shaky, and immediately, your heart sunk into your stomach. “of course, hoseok, you can tell me anything. and anything.” “promise me that you won’t hate me.” you nearly flinched at his words. “hoseok, i could never hate you.” you whispered softly, and saw the corners of hoseok’s mouth curve into a sad, small smile.
hoseok took a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling with the thudding of your heart. “i like you. a lot, actually. i’m not sure when it exactly started, nor when i realized it, but you’re the only person that’s always been by my side. and, ever since we met in the park that one afternoon, i knew that i wanted to have someone as beautiful and amazing and kind and brave and honest in my life, even if our relationship didn’t turn out to be romantic. you’re brilliant and loving and caring and the most stubborn person i’ve ever met, and though i tried to convince myself that what i felt you for was purely platonic, it was no use.”
“and, before you say anything, i broke things off with aureum. i decided to do before i came here. there was no use in trying to save our relationship anyway, we were doomed to fail from the start. i was a fool for ever thinking that you were just a friend to me.” after the confession had spilled from his lips, you’d sat there, stunned, heart pounding.
“w-what? y-you l-like me?” you stammered, and hoseok let out a soft laugh, running a hand through his messy black hair. “yeah, i do, and i’m sorry it took me this long to realize.” “i-i like you too, hoseok, i have for a long time.” you murmured, quiet enough for only hoseok to hear.
“c-can i kiss you?” he asked, hazel eyes soft. “yes. please.” your heart was pounding wildly as hoseok pressed his lips to yours, butterfly soft and almost fleeting. feeling a surge of confidence, you wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning into him for a proper kiss, feeling hoseok smile as his mouth slotted perfectly into yours, hand cupping your cheek gently.
the kiss was long and sweet and felt like coming home, and you felt hoseok arms wrap around your back, pulling you into him, and it was pure bliss. it’d taken a lot for this day, this moment, to happen, but you wouldn’t have changed it for the world, not one bit.
a/n: the ending was so bad wtf anyways i hope you all enjoyed this <333 i’m having so much fun writing these superache based drabbles, and i hope you all are enjoying them as much as i am <3 shoutout to @joonlery and @sunshinejunghoseokie, my fellow conan enthusiasts i literally adore y’all so much mwah <3333
tagging: @raplinesmoon , @kithtaehyung , @taegularities , @kookdiaries , @sketchguk, @ressjeon, @playmetheclassics, @writtenwhalien , @joyfulhopelox, @mochi-molala, @yoon2k , @joonlery , @sunshinejunghoseokie , @blushingkoo , @codeinebelle, @kth1 , @jeonjcngkook, @jenoloqy , @4gustdiors , @softguks , @sugakookitty , @jtrbluv , @everkook , @taeyo95 , @lavienjin , @kookstempo , @kookskingdom + anyone else who wants to be tagged <3
#mine#btscarnivalnet#btshoneyhive#kvanity#akademia net#houseofddaeng#52hertz#bangtanbathhouse#btswritingcafe#bangtaninn
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𝟒:𝟐𝟖𝒑𝒎
Pairing: Jeno x gn!reader
Genre: fluff, comfort hurt, college au
Rating: PG
Warnings: mentions of past trauma/ bad relationships, worry
Word Count: 357
requested by; anon <3
໑˖ ݁، ݁ ˖ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ 𖤐ʾ ̨𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪◞ ໑˖ ݁، ݁ ˖ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ 𖤐ʾ ̨𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪◞
He’s been ignoring you, you don’t know what caused it but he is. You know that Jeno’s been stressed with his recent assignments for school but it still hurts. There aren’t many times where you feel the need to be petty with him, oftentimes it’s because of something small like him forgetting to take out the trash. But now you’re giving him the silent treatment as if it’ll do something to fix the situation. You still do small things like make him a snack if you’re having one or get him a drink if he’s been studying for too long. None of that really gets noticed though. So when he comes home from a lecture and hugs you from behind while you’re making dinner it shocks you.
“Hi baby, did you have a nice day.” you simply try to shrug him off you, “Baby, what’s wrong?”
You turn off the stove and face him, “You want to know what’s wrong Jeno? You’ve been ignoring me all week and I honestly felt just like I did when I was dating the last person all over again. You didn’t notice when I wasn’t talking to you and I just feel so unwanted and-”
He kisses you to stop your mental spiral, his hands still holding your face when he pulls away, “Baby, I didn’t realize I was ignoring you. We’ve both been busy with tests and assignments and I was trying to give you space to focus on what you needed to do. I had no intention of making you feel unsafe or unwanted. Y/n, I love you, I will always be here to protect you.” he smiles softly, “I am so sorry I hurt you. I’ll never let that happen again.”
By this point, you’re starting to cry and move his hands to bury your face into his neck. He just holds you and lets you cry as long as you need. His one arm wrapped around your shoulders while the other hand gently rubs your head in hopes to help you calm down.
“I love you.” you mumble against his neck.
“I love you too, baby.”
໑˖ ݁، ݁ ˖ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ 𖤐ʾ ̨𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪◞ ໑˖ ݁، ݁ ˖ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ 𖤐ʾ ̨𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪◞
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As of August 20th, 2022, aKademia will officially be closing its operations and will no longer be accepting members/reblogging works.
We’d like to thank all members who took interest in the network and actively used our tag for their works – it was a pleasure reblogging your stories and helping you gain more exposure! A big thank you also goes out to our staff members and those who were involved with making aKademia come to life: our admins Gwen / @sunflowerhae and Vee / @loeycity, our applications manager Ari / @ljeyes, our Discord moderator Vira / @softrenjunnie, and our former vice-admin Elle / @joh--pping.
Once again, we appreciate the interest in our network and hope that writers will continue to write amazing stories with school-related themes. The blog will remain in existence until Tumblr deletes it in due time, but it will not be active.
Wishing you the best in the future!
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Under the Stars
So.... I made a ScaraxMona (WanderMona) fanfic a while ago and left it sitting on my stuff cause I wasn't confident or sure if I should post... But two days ago I got high on caffeine and in abstinence of my anxiety medicine which gave a sudden burst of courage and completely off my rails... then later had a depression crisis that E and the squad had to deal with (sorry guys)
So, in the middle of that, I forgot to post here too... So here we are.
Hope you guys like!
ScaraxMona Playlist: Spotify/Youtube
____________________________________
Original Notes: So, this was a impulsive writing I had after watching some Scaramona montage on YouTube (thx Feniko) and then went into Scaramona hell. This was written before Sumeru Arc and was sitting on my stuff cause my anxiety is really bad lately and having no therapy isn't helping, but on a crisis today I fixed some stuff on it when i had no internet and decided to post on impulse (again) and I'll probably regret later cause I have no idea where this is going aside the fact I have a playlist, took coffee and am on VERY HIGH ANXIETY AND CAFEINE DRIVE SO LETS GO YAHOOO
THIS CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM SUMERU ARCHON QUEST
---------------------------------------------
Under the Stars
(You collected Part I of "Ocean of Stars and Wondering Clouds")
When Mona met the Wanderer, she didn’t know why she was so aware and suspicious of him, but her sixth sense didn’t let her guard down for any minute. In fact, everytime he showed up she would be more aware of him. The traveler had told he was someone they had met before, but many things happened and it was complicated to explain why she didn’t remember, but he went through a lot and had changed.
They had met when the Traveler got her into the Akademia through their connections (which later she found out that was no one other than Sumeru’s archon herself), but not as a student, just a researcher who had access to their library and facilities as much she wanted as long it had to do with her subject of study.
She had seen through the constellations that Traveler would save the nation or do something along those lines, but then again she avoided looking too much or taking it as raw truth, the memory of the former adventurer she met still haunted her once in a while. Normally, she would pick on their constellation just to see how they were, if they were doing well or alive in their long months apart in adventures and then continue her day. If she happened to look and they weren’t doing well, she would send a letter. She would look into the stars later and learn they were getting better and wasn't exactly because of her letters, but there was a weird relief to send them.
So when she received a letter back telling her to go to Sumeru and she got free access to the whole library, to say Mona choked on her tea, would be completely right. She was on her way to Sumeru the very next day.
~~~~~~Continue Reading on AO3/FF-net
(trust me, it's too long for Tumblr)
#scaramouche#scaramona#mona megistus#wanderer#genshin impact#genshin impact fanfic#genshin fic#fanfic#lully writes#scaranation#wandermona#scaramouche is bad at feelings#no beta we die like mortals#sumeru
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Hey everyone! It's been while!
We want to thank everyone for being apart of KSmutClub since we first become a network in 2019! This network was made to share the wonderful works of our members without feeling the taboo to express ourselves in the form of smut.
Lately, we the admins have been caught up in life outside of the network and we realize that we are not able to give KSmutClub the attention it deserves. So with that being said, we are officially closing the network this Saturday, Aug 6. The network blog itself will be archived so you can come back and read the fics we have supported over the years. The server will close the following day.
We know this news is sudden and we apologize for that, but we wanted to be honest with you all and make sure you were all prepared. Here are some of our active affiliates that you can join that have great communities:
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Otwarta Sieć Informacyjna
#new_natural_net #otwarta_sieć_informacyjna #ponad_cenzurą #dydymus #ligaswiata #nnn #raelis #nowy_początek_świata #prawo_oporu #prawo_naturalne #skrytki_informacyjne #długość_szerokość_geograficzna #geocatching #przeciw_władzy #przeciw_blackdownowi #wolność
https://newnaturalnet.wordpress.com/2021/12/18/otwarta-siec-informacyjna-new-natural-net/
#nnn#New Natural Net#otwarta sieć informacyjna#ponad cenzurą#nowy początek świata#prawo naturalne#prawo oporu#przeciw władzy#przeciw blackdownowi#Geocaching skrytki informacyjne#dydymus#liga świata#liga światowa#wojciech dydymski#ligaswiata#best world league#najlepsza liga świata#wiedza#wojciechdydymski#akademia filozoficzna dydymusa
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MOVED. @miffhee
₍🕊₎ 〤 . hi, i’m lina & i write sfw content for enhypen. requests are generally always open (and greatly appreciated)!
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list of anons ᝰ ☁️ anon 🐼 anon 👽 anon🎐 anon 🦐 anon 🫧 anon | scorpio twin anon, jayki stan anon
est. 2021 © iuwon | please do not plagiarize, translate, and/or republish my works in any other platform or form of matter.
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hi !! for the request, can i have 26 + 27 w/ jungkook, fluff and college!au? hope you have fun writing !!!
Istg this was supposed to be tooth rotting fluffy before I got this idea and couldn't stop myself :). it's scary how i have an entire plotline for these two.
Kiss Me | jjk
Pairings: Jungkook × Reader
Genre: Fluff (with a teeny tiny hint of angst), college!au
Ratings: pg 13
Warning: mentions of alchohol, anxiety.
Wordcount: 1.3k
-
"So, I was thinking-"
"That's a first." you mumbled, shoving a piece of bread inside your mouth.
"Shut up." Hoseok slapped your arm, taking the torn half of the said bread. "We should go to a club."
"Seriously?" you turned around, facing him fully now. Mouth still full with bread, you tried to say "I am not going to a club, Hobi."
"Wait. Listen to my plan." he held his hands up. You gave him a look and then motioned yours to let him continue. "Well, I don't have a plan exactly but you should we should go clubbing Y/N. It's been so long."
"If you're trying to convince me then it's not working." you said, turning back to continue with your psychology thesis that is supposed to be submitted in a day. "I know. But like think about it, all of us are going to be there-"
"Hold up. You already asked everyone?" you say, concentration miraculously driving back to him. "I mean," he avoided your eyes, looking at the one boba piece which fell off earlier with great amusement. "I kinda hoped you'd say yes, if you heard everyone's going. You won't be alone, you know?"
"You know why I don't like clubbing, Hobi" you started, soon to get interrupted. "I know, I know. But that's why I'm not asking you to come alone. All our friends are gonna be there. Even Yoongi!"
"Fine, I'll think about it" you huffed as he gave you a tigth side hug.
-
"Ugh. I can't believe I'm doing this." you exasperated, dresses scattered all around you. "Hey, cheer up. You're gonna have fun, okay?" you heard your bestfriend through the speakers. "Thanks Leah."
"And if you don't feel like it, tell me that second and I'll be at your service, ma'am" she said. "You don't have to do that. Let's just hope all goes well."
Digging through your closet you finally found a club worthy dress, a black bodycon mid thigh spaghetti strapped dress, with sequins and subtle glitters all over it. Putting on the lightest makeup possible, you pulled your hair up in a sleek high ponytail, hair almost reaching your waist. "Okay, let's do this." you smiled at yourself through the mirror, red lips and hoops adding more to your look, as you nodded.
The club was just like you expected. You wouldn't say you weren't anxious from the minute you walked inside. The loud music and crowd making you wince, you pushed through them trying to locate your friends. You spotted Taehyung first, heart beating a little bit faster along with the previous anxiety, as you knew if Taehyung was here, so was his gorgeous bestfriend.
Letting that thought go for a brief moment you searched for others, your eyes landing on them one by one. Yoongi sat at the lounge along with Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoora and Haneul. You saw Jimin at the bar with Taehyung and Hoseok, the latter flirting with a girl and although succeeding while the former duo laughing at him. You concluded some bet was going on within the three.
A little sad, you couldn’t see the one you were looking for, you heard a very familiar voice before getting pulled into a hug. "Y/N!!!" Leah screamed at your ears, pulling back with a big smile on her face. "Damn girl, you look hot." she looked you up and down. "Why are you surprised Leah? The entire campus thought Y/N was hot and that was when she was in sweats during finals." you saw a hand wrap around Leah's shoulder before you saw the face.
Your heartbeat picked it's pace up as you saw Jungkook. Trying to calm your nerves, you gave him a smile. "Hi, Jungkook."
"Hey, gorgeous."
"I'm gonna let you two talk and go back to my Jinnie. Keep her busy, Jeon." Leah pushed his hands off her shoulder before winking at you and pointing her fingers at Jungkook.
"Let's see. Never imagined I'd see you in a club." he said, guiding you towards the bar. You took a seat at the empty stool as Jungkook stood in between your legs. "Yeah. I wouldn't have come. Hobi insisted. A lot." you chuckled.
To say you weren't feeling like throwing up was an understatement but Jungkook's presence made it a little bit better. After Jungkook gets pulled by Jimin and Namjoon in a conversation, then only your anxiety came back. Maybe a couple of drinks would help, you told yourself.
"Hey, can i have a whiskey on the rocks." you said to the bartender. You slid off the stool, standing on your feet and leaned towards the counter. "Hi, miss. Can I buy you a drink?" you heard a raspy voice from behind you, before you felt a hand slide up your waist. "No, thank you." you replied politely, pushing the hands off of your waist.
"One wouldn't hurt, you know?" he continued. You closed your eyes, trying to calm your breathing. You definitely didn't wanna see his face. "I don't want one. I have order for myself." you said, voice shaky.
You could feel tears forming at the back of your eyes as the man continued to try and persuade you, hands caging you. Gripping his hands, you pushed him off, as you turned on your heels and walked out of the bar as soon as possible. You heard him coming behind you, before you heard a loud crash. Not turning around to watch the scene unfold, you ran out of the club.
Holding onto one of the walls outside, you panted, as you tried to calm yourself, tears falling effortlessly. "Hey, hey" you failed to recognize the familiarity of the voice, flinching when you felt a hand grab your forearms. "It's me, Jungkook."
You looked up at him, failing to notice the blood on his knuckles, before breaking down into sobs as he pulled you to his chest. His arms went around you shoulders, your head tucked in his chest and you cried to him. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left." he patted your head as you continued to cry.
-
"I'm sorry. I ruined your shirt." you sniffled, looking at him through the club's bathroom mirror as you tried to get of the mascara streams from your cheeks. "It's no problem. The black lines add a bling to it." he chuckled looking you.
You both stared at each other, a comforting silence engilfing you. "I didn't mean to cry. I have a bad history at night clubs. It all came back to me you know?" you said, looking at him through the mirror. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry, Y/N." he stepped closer to you. Throwing the tissue in the trashcan you turned towards him. Before you could protest, he beat you to it. "Hey, I'm with you, okay? Always." he said, thumb caressing you cheeks.
"You wanna dance?" he asked, one hand extended , waiting for you to take it. "Sure." You took his hand. He smiled at both your linked hands before pulling you closer.
You both made your way to the dance floor, a soft number starting on time. You fake gasped before narrowing your eyes at him. "Do you have magic powers? How'd you know they were gonna play this song?"
He laughed, going along with you. "Magic powers are supposed to be a secret, Miss Y/L/N. If i tell you, it won't be a secret, now would it?" Pulling you close towards him, he wrapped his hands around your waste while you around his shoulders.
"Why? Scared, I'll tell everyone?" you smiled, fingers playing with his hair. He leaned his head back, eyes closed before looking back at you, face inches away from your own. "Wouldn't want anyone to know." he whispered.
"Kiss me." you whispered back,
He smiled before capturing your lips, all your anxiety fading away as he did.
#bts fic#btsau#jeon jungkook#bts one shot#jungkook fanfic#bts imagines#bts fanfiction#jungkook drabble#bts drabble#jungkook fluff#bts fluff#bts angst#jungkook angst#bts jungkook#jungkook#btshoneyhive#bangtanbathhouse#akademia net
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In a constant state of misery
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↬ pairing: valedictorian! namjoon x nursing major reader, other members will make appearances
↬ genre/aus: fluff, slight angst (because y’all know i love angst), strangers to friends to lovers, college/university au, non idol au
↬ wc: 3.3k
↬ summary: in which confessing to your longtime crush and seoul university’s valedictorian turns out to be more difficult than you anticiptated, especially when you keep overthinking everything.
↬ rating(s): pg15, nc17 (see warnings)
↬ tw: heavy swearing, mutual pining (joon is quite oblivious but an absolute sweetheart), mentions of burnout (brief), mentions of stress (being a nursing major is quite difficult), happy ending (woop woop), mentions of alcohol (very brief), jimin and jungkook are little shits but they mean well and they just want reader to be happy <3
↬ a/n: this drabble is part of the ‘footnote’ drabble series and is based off the song ‘disaster’ by conan gray, which is one of my favorite songs atm <3333 and here’s a much fluffier (this isn’t even a word but just go with it fjslkdjf), less angsty drabble to make up for the angst fest that was the jin drabble
kim namjoon. there wasn’t a single soul at seoul university who didn’t know who he was. at just the age of nineteen, he’d been accepted into prestigious colleges in the country, graduating valedictorian at his high school, of which was also highly acclaimed. not only that, but it was rumored that namjoon’s iq was 148, which meant he was really, really, smart.
namjoon always scored the highest on exams, having been top of his class in both middle and high school, where scholarships were offered to him left and right. he was the epitome of a star student, and there was no teacher who spoke ill of him. according to them, namjoon was not only highly intelligent, but unfailingly polite and extremely kind, always offering to tutor struggling students, going as far as to not accept payment for his services, no matter how much they pleaded with him.
it also didn’t help that namjoon was easily one of the most attractive people on campus. he was tall, with wavy silver hair that fell over perfectly chiseled cheekbones, a strong jaw, forest green eyes, and full lips that rivaled any female’s. and, when he smiled, dimples would indent in his cheeks, endearing enough to make anyone’s heart flutter.
and, according to countless females who’d seen him walk around campus, often with a thick paperback in his hands, namjoon was muscular. any shirt he wore, loose or not, always looked as if it was ideated and designed with the upper half of his body in mind. it was also rumored that namjoon made sure to work out and run at least four times a week, whenever he wasn’t busy with classes.
there wasn’t a single soul who didn’t know kim namjoon, nor was there anyone who didn’t have somewhat of a crush on him, you included. you’d tried to fight your feelings at first, refusing to be like the countless females who swooned over namjoon on the daily, but eventually gave in to them anyway.
namjoon, with his long nose and wavy hair and full lips and angular cheekbones that shouldn’t fit together but did anyway, had been the person you’d pined over since your first year at seoul university. of course, your friends, jeon jungkook, a film major, and park jimin, a dance major, often teased you about your crush, which annoyed you to no end, but since you knew that you were too much of a coward to confess to him outright, you supposed you’d have to endure their relentless teasing.
though you hadn’t crossed paths yet, with you being in different departments, you’d seen him traipse around campus for the better part of two years, when you’d get lucky and catch a glimpse of him as you headed to your next lecture. thus, you slowly developed a crush on namjoon, much to your dismay and to jungkook and jimin’s amusement.
said males had been pestering you to confess to namjoon for months now, saying that they were tired of you sulking and whining about being single all the time, and that they wanted to see you happy. while you appreciated the sentiment, you knew there was no way namjoon would ever have interest in someone like you.
besides, there were plenty of girls on campus that were dying to date him, and you had no doubt that namjoon was interested in at least one of them. thus, you decided to pine after him from afar, much to jungkook and jimin’s frustration. you also knew there was no fucking way you’d be able to muster up the courage to confess, let alone talk to him. namjoon would never talk to you, there was just no way. or so you thought.
you were proven wrong on a fateful sunny afternoon in september, when jimin and jungkook insisted that you take a break from studying for your finals, dragging you out of your tiny dorm to grab an early lunch at a japanese restaurant just two blocks away from campus.
thus, you found yourself squished in between jungkook and jimin in a small booth towards the back of the restaurant, sharing plates of gyoza, sushi, and tempura. at first, you’d been a little apprehensive about going out, especially since you had a final at nine am the next day, but after a few hours, you decided that maybe a little break wouldn’t hurt.
you were chatting amicably with jungkook about classes when you felt jimin’s elbow dig into your ribs, muttering something incoherent under his breath. any anger and annoyance you had vanished when you saw who’d just walked into the restaraunt. it was none other than kim namjoon, and flanking his sides were jung hoseok and min yoongi.
hoseok was a dance major who was quite famous around campus, due to his show-stopping performance of taemin’s ‘criminal’ at the annual talent show, and yoongi was a music major, and it was said that he’d already produced music for some prestigious artists in korea.
you’d felt your cheeks burn at the sight of namjoon, who was wearing a white shirt that did little to hide the broadness of his shoulders and chest, black sweatpants, and white sneakers. though the outfit was casual, he looked as if he’d just gotten out of a photoshoot for vogue. jimin gave you a knowing smirk out of the corner of your eye, wiggling his eyebrows suggetively, and it taken all the self control in you not to strangle him.
you’d tried not to stare at namjoon, who was sitting at a booth with hoseok and yoongi just a few feet away, instead feigning interest in the sushi that jungkook had ordered sometime ago. you’d been determined to not let namjoon notice you, trying your hardest to stay invisible. but because you were friends with one park jimin and jeon jungkook, your wishes were irrevocably ignored.
“namjoon hyung! long time no see!” jungkook called out, waving excitedly, doe eyes bright with mischief, while jimin just looked smug. to your dismay, namjoon had immediately looked over, and a bright, dimpled grin curled at the corners of his mouth, and you’d never wanted to strangle your friends so badly.
to make matters worse, namjoon decided to get up from his booth and walk over to yours, and your pulse had immediately started to quicken. apparently, as it turned out, jungkook had had a few classes with namjoon first semester, and they’d immediately clicked. you’d spent the entirety of the conversation spacing out and avoiding any and all eye contact with namjoon, hoping he’d be too caught up in talking to jungkook and jimin that he wouldn’t even notice that you were there.
but because the universe hated you and namjoon happened to be more observant and perceptive than you thought, the latter said, “is she okay? she looks a little pale.” and before jungkook or jimin could respond, you’d blurted, “i’m fine, just a little exhausted, i’ve been in and out of classes all day.” namjoon had just blinked, the only sign that he was taken aback by your sudden interruption. a small, amused smile had tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“ah, i see, well, i hope you can find some time to rest. i’m namjoon, by the way.”“y-y/n, it’s nice to meet you.” you’d stammered, feeling your face grow hot. to your relief, namjoon had chuckled softly, the sound more amused than anything else. “it’s nice to meet you too, y/n.”
from then on, you and namjoon had become quite close, making time to study together and the like. you’d discovered that he was an avid visitor of art museums and galleries, and often made a point to visit them whenever he had time. “it’s kind of embarrassing, i mean, when i tell people that i like looking at art made by old people, they look at me like i’ve grown two heads or something.” he’d said during a study session at the campus starbucks, cheeks pink, and you’d immediately shaken your head.
“there’s nothing to be ashamed of, joon, i think it’s beautiful that you’re able to appreciate the masterpieces that people in history have created.” and when he’d looked at you, forest green eyes bright with pure, unadulterated joy, you knew you were a goner.
you couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment you fell head over heels for namjoon, but it’d hit you like a punch to the gut. you were accompanying him on one of his many art gallery outings, having had no classes that day, admiring art pieces from all over the world. namjoon had been talking animatedly about one of picasso’s famous paintings, eyes bright, resembling a young child’s, and your heart had swelled impossibly at the sight.
then, there’d been those light touches, a brush of fingers across knuckles, soft hair tickling your cheek, gentle hands steadying you when you’d go out and drink one too many glasses of wine, strong arms holding you when you’d get so stressed out about the amount of patients you’d dealt with during clinicals, as well as the mountain of assignments for other classes, whispering comforting words into your ear.
namjoon was always there, there to support and comfort you in any way he could, albeit subtly. he even went out of his way to make sure you ate properly, dropping by your dorm at ungodly hours at night, holding a plastic bag full of snacks or plenty of takeout boxes, insisting that you eat something before you pass out. and, no matter what, he always listened.
you’d had a habit of rambling whenever you were stressed or angry, and namjoon would listen attentively to every single word, even if it was complete gibberish. he’d always lend you a shoulder to cry on, and was always there to gently wipe away your tears with a tissue or the soft pad of his thumb, forest green eyes soft.
of course, jimin and jungkook, after hearing about everything namjoon had done for you, insisted that you told him how you felt. as such, you refused. it wasn’t the fact that namjoon was out of your league, no, it was that because you were friends, doing something as confessing your feelings to him was out of the question. ruining the close bond you’d formed with him was your biggest and worst fear, and the last thing you wanted was for namjoon to hate and resent you. besides, even if you did muster up the courage to confess, there was also the possibility of being rejected, a huge one, in fact.
the potential of you and namjoon kept you up most nights, and often distracted you from the mountain of assignments you’d had, and cramming suddenly became a part of your daily routine. you’d also noticed that namjoon was notorious for not replying or reading texts, for the messages you’d sent him from weeks ago was still on delivered.
you’d sent messages anyway, even while knowing that namjoon probably wouldn’t read them anyway. they were mostly gibberish, along with a stream of emojis that didn’t really make any sense. your mind was also swimming with thoughts, many of them negative.
this could (it will) be a disaster, confessing to namjoon. what if i say i love you but you don’t say it back? what if our friendship is destroyed forever? what if he resents me and never talks to me again? what if he never talks to me again? what if i’m just reading things wrong and he doesn’t actually have some sort of feelings for me and he was just taking pity on me- stop. stop overthinking, stop dwelling on things that haven’t even happened yet. besides, you know namjoon, he’d never do that to you, he’s too nice.
you supposed jimin and jungkook noticed you were spiraling, for they staged an intervention dragging you to their dorm late one night, making you sit on the couch and talk to them about everything that was going on. “you are not leaving until you tell us what the hell is going inside that head of yours.” jimin had declared, with that stubborn point of his chin that you both hated and adored.
jungkook, ever the evangelist, had simply looked at you with light brown eyes full of hurt and confusion and sadness, wondering why one of his closest freinds had been so out of it lately. you’d broken down into tears minutes later, apologies spilling from your lips, babbling about how sorry you were that you’d sort of pulled away from them and didn’t tell them what was going on and that you were confused as fuck with your feelings for namjoon.
and because jimin and jungkook were absolute sweethearts and friends that you were definitely undeserving of, they’d only smiled and pulled you into the tightest and warmest embrace, rubbing comforting circles on your back and whispering soothing words in your ear.
and, after you’d calmed down, jimin had said gently, “i know you’re worried about losing namjoon, but you can’t keep your feelings bottled up inside forever. i think it’s better if you’re honest with him. and, if he does end up being an asshole about it, jungkook and i will march right over to his apartment and kick his ass.”
of course, you’d been hesitant, but realized that jimin was right. there was no point in keeping your feelings bottled up inside forever. sure, it was probably the safest option, but namjoon would find out eventually, you supposed, one way or another. besides, if namjoon did reject you, at least jimin and jungkook would be there to comfort you. thus, weeks later, you’d decided that enough was enough. confessing to namjoon may jepordize your friendship, but at least it could possibly lift a heavy weight off your shoulders. hopefully.
and that decision led you to this moment, this day, on a late sunny morning, watching as fluffy white clouds drifted by, and admiring how the sun’s rays bathed the campus in beams of golden light. you’d texted namjoon earlier, saying that you needed to talk to him about something, suprisingly, the latter had responded, and promised to meet you on the campus lawn at exactly nine am sharp.
so, there you were, wearing an oversized black hoodie you’d stolen from jungkook’s closet months ago and hadn’t bothered to give it back, and black leggings that you’d still had from freshman year, of which still fit, and a worn pair of white sneakers, fidgeting nervously on a bench. namjoon would be here any second now, and the wild beating of your heart was doing little to soothe your nerves.
then, “y/n!” you turned to see namjoon running towards you, clad in a tight black gym shirt that hugged his chest perfectly, toned arms peeking out from underneath the fabric, black shorts that showed off his long legs and thick thighs, and sneakers. namjoon was clearly dressed for an early morning gym session, and this was going to be harder than it already was, with him looking like an absolute dream, even at nine am.
“hey, you wanted to talk?” namjoon asked, brushing a stray strand of hair off his forehead, not sounding the least bit out of breath, and you really, really, hoped you weren’t blushing. to make matters worse, he was looking at you with those forest green eyes, already full of concern at your prolonged silence.
“is everything okay? what’s going on? what’d you need to talk to me about?” he asked, ever so gently, and your heart ached. “y-you might want to sit down for this.” namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion, but sat down next to you anyway. you took a deep, bracing breath. this is it, there’s no turning back now. “you have to promise me that you won’t run away screaming or hate me after this.”
namjoon’s expression softened. “i could never do such a thing. and i promise i won’t run away screaming.” he sounded so sincere, which made your heart ache even more. you forced yourself to look straight into namjoon’s gorgeous eyes, which were gentle and kind, and you swallowed down a nervous laugh.
“i-i love you. i’m not sure when it started, but i’ve actually been crushing on you for a while, a-and i was holding back from telling you because i thought it would ruin our friendship and you wouldn’t ever want to see me again, and i was so fucking scared of losing you. i know that you probably don’t feel the same, but i just wanted to tell you before i went insane. you’re way out of my league, and there’s tons of girls here who would die to date you, and-” you were cut off abruptly by a soft pair of lips on yours. the kiss was gentle, tender, and slow, and you internally shivered when namjoon’s warm hand came up to cup your cheek gently. it was a long and agonizing few seconds before namjoon pulled away, hand still cupping your cheek.
“w-what? y-you-” namjoon cut you off again, but this time, with an amused, dimpled smile. “you were rambling, sweetheart.” sweetheart. the use of endearment made your face flush scarlet. “s-sorry.” you mumbled, and namjoon laughed softly, forest green eyes glittering in the morning sun. “no need to apologize, i thought it was adorable, really.”
you felt your blush deepen. “i- does this mean you feel the same way?” you hated how unsure you sounded, but you needed to confirm if namjoon was being genuine, or if he was just toying with your feelings. “of course, sweetheart, i wouldn’t have kissed you if i didn’t. and, before you even ask, i’m not toying with your feelings. i may be oblivious, but i’m not an asshole. i would never forigve myself if i hurt you. and, since we’re being honest, i have had a crush on you for a while.”
you felt your eyes widen. “h-how long?” namjoon hummed thoughtfully, reaching up with his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “ever since we met at that japanese restaurant?” you gaped at him. “w-what? so are you telling me that you’ve liked me ever since?” namjoon nodded.
“yup, i mean i’ve seen you around campus a few times before then, but never worked up the courage to approach you.” namjoon was blushing now, a slight pink tint to his cheeks. “ah, i guess we both have jeon jungkook to thank.” you let out a soft laugh. “i guess we do.” and when namjoon pressed his lips to yours again, it felt like coming home.
a/n: no bc this was so bad wtf i can’t write to save my life <3 anyways, i hope this helped soothe the pain from the last drabble sjfldjljf im so sorry y’all i know that was one big angst fest :(( anyways, the next drabble is going to be fluff too i believe so look forward to that hehe <33 thank you all for supporting my mediocre writing i love and appreciate you all <33333 sending all the love and hugs <3333
tagging: @sketchguk , @writtenwhalien , @yoon2k , @kookskingdom , @kth1 , @playmetheclassics , @lavienjin , @taegularities, @raplinesmoon , @kithtaehyung , @blushingkoo , @kookstempo , @rkivian , @sugakookitty , @beckysworld7 , @jenoloqy , @ressjeon , @jtrbluv , @lovebearv , @codeinebelle , @jeonjcngkook , @jeonqquk , @taeyo95 , @jinterlude , @baljinciaga, @paradisesgf , @missgeniality, @kinktae , @sunshinejunghoseokie , @hobipaint , @kookdiaries , @joonscypher , + anyone else who wants to be tagged <3
#mine#also the banner for this sucks pls ignore it#btscarnivalnet#btshoneyhive#houseofddaeng#kdiarynet#akademia net#btswritingcafe#bangtanbathhouse
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jjyusmile hiatus over hehe
hello! it’s bec... I’m back ;-;
after a long break, I’ve decided that I can’t give up on what I love doing and that’s writing au content for myself and everyone who takes the time to read my stories! these last 6 months I’ve been reading your comments and fic recommendations of my au’s and it warmed my heart so much so that I’m back for good. so really, thank you so much for supporting me even though I’ve been absent.
please be patient with me as I do intend to pick up on unfinished projects and au’s that I left last year... I will get there I promise!! also tagging my networks- @deobiwritersnet @tbznetwork @kpopscape @akademia-net (I’m not sure who’s still active anymore but hi anyway!) to let y’all know I’m back :))
also a massive thank you to @chocolattees and @pearlhoon for being so kind and patient with me as admins of DWN, it meant a lot to me back then!
but for now- if you’d like to request something from my prompt list to help me get back into writing again, I’d appreciate it a lot!! anyone can request, followers or new readers are all welcome pls come talk to meeee <33
and a new link to my updated and remastered work list can be found here!! also come follow me on twitter bc I love talking to y’all hehe
love, bec x
#jjyusmile#kpop au#kpop scenario#the boyz#tbz#the boyz au#tbz au#tbz fluff#seventeen au#svt au#seventeen fluff#stray kids#skz#stray kids au#skz fluff#college au#kpop college au#deobiwritersnet#tbznetwork#kpopscape#akademia net#loona#nct#bts#bec thinks
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