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avida-heidia-5 · 4 months

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While we wait for the 2024 Formula 1 season to arrive, I thought I’d entertain myself by playing a little tag game I’ve just created. Feel free to participate if you have the time to do it. 😊

🏎️💨 THE FORMULA 1 TAG GAME! 🏎️💨:

1. Who or what got you into F1?

2. Who was the very first F1 driver you supported? Do you support them now? Have your opinions on them differed or stayed the same since then?

3. Who’s your current favourite F1 driver?

4. Is there a driver pairing or pairings you support? What made you attracted to that pairing in the first place?

5. Do your parents, siblings or relatives have a favourite team and/or favourite driver(s)?

6. Do you have any favourite races? Are there any that stand out to you the most?

7. Do you have a favourite circuit? Can be from the past or from the current calendar.

8. Have you ever been to an F1 race in real life? Feel free to tell us your experience going to one if you like.

9. Have you ever met an F1 driver in real life?

10. Do you have a favourite F1 car? If so, what is it?

11. Do you have a favourite one win wonder?

12. Do you have any favourite quotes from the F1 world? This can either be inspirational or hilarious.

(This is all the questions I could come up with, I’m afraid! My brain is absolutely worn to a frazzle! 😮‍💨)

Now tag as many people as you like! I tag the following peeps: @kaossbells, @argentinagp, @hurricane-heatt, @skitskatdacat63, @racingliners, @formulaes5, @princemick, @4xmulti21champion, @schumigrace, @hungriestheidi, @ellalovesvettel, @twinkodium, and @wanderingblindly. Feel free to participate if you would like to. No pressure! 😊

If I haven’t tagged you in this but you want to participate, you have my permission. Go absolutely wild!

Now here are my answers below the cut! Warning: I can be a touch rambly!

1. Who or what got you into F1?

My parents introduced me to F1 in 2004 when I was around 4 or 5 years old. I vividly remember watching pretty much the whole of the 2005 season on the telly and how amazing a lot of the races were back then. 😍 Since then, we’ve been keeping up with watching races, following the news, and visiting Silverstone for Free Practice sessions and fun events like the Classic Weekend and the Lap Of Lights whenever possible.

2. Who was the very first F1 driver you supported? Do you support them now? Have your opinions on them differed or stayed the same since then?

I was drawn to Kimi Räikkönen when I was young because I found him attractive. 😳 This was before I knew anything about F1. 😅 Once I got into the habit of watching the sport regularly, I was happily cheering him on. That McLaren was a BEAST…when it was reliable. 😬

I didn’t know much about Kimi’s story back then. As I grew older though, I did some research on him and came to understand why fans love him so much. He kept a cool head during qualifying and race days (He’s called The Iceman for a reason!) and I just love his personality in general: Quiet, composed, honest, and straightforward. And who could forget the memes that spawned during Kimi’s return to F1?

Even though Kimi’s retired from the sport (seemingly for good 😢), I still love and support him with all my heart, whatever he gets up to. 💙❄️

3. Who’s your current favourite F1 driver?

Sebastian Vettel. Oooooh Sebastian Vettel! Where do I even start? 🥰

I have an insane adoration for this man, even more than Kimi admittedly. Seb is just…on another level to me. 😍😍😍

He’s the sweetest, most loveliest man on the planet. He’s kind, generous, talented, and cultured. He’s also an environmentalist, and I fully support his journey to try and make our planet a greener, tidier, happier, and healthier place. 🌎🌱 I’m always fascinated with what he has to say; whether it’s something positive or negative. He has a ridiculous knowledge of everything related to F1 and our environment, and I love him even more for it.

Seb is also retired from F1 and I still miss him dearly, but that doesn’t stop me from loving and supporting this man. I adore him to absolute BITS! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

4. Is there a driver pairing or pairings you support? What made you attracted to that pairing in the first place?

Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber have an interesting dynamic to me. I’ve enjoyed seeing their relationship develop and fall apart and repair themselves back together on track, from when the two were teammates at Red Bull all the way up to today. It’s good that they can laugh about their mishaps and misfortunes afterwards. I don’t know, these two just fascinate me. 💜

Other favourite driver pairings include (in no particular order): Seb and Kimi, Seb and Charles Leclerc, Fernando Alonso and Giancarlo Fisichella, Fernando Alonso and Lance Stroll, Lando Norris and Carlos Sainz Jr., Lando Norris and Daniel Ricciardo, Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz Jr., and FINALLY, Alex Albon and Logan Sargeant.

5. Do your parents, siblings or relatives have a favourite team and/or favourite driver(s)?

We’re happy to support any team, but we’re primarily McLaren supporters in this household. 🧡 As for drivers, my mum loves Jenson Button and my dad is a Nigel Mansell and Fernando Alonso supporter. My sister just recently started getting into F1 and she supports Lando Norris. We never have any complaints or disputes over our choices, which is nice. 😊

6. Do you have any favourite races? Are there any that stand out to you the most?

There’s quite a lot of races I’ve enjoyed watching over the years. I don’t like the current races that much; I’m more of a 2000’s & 2010’s grid enjoyer. My favourite race of all time has got to be the 2012 Brazilian GP. It was the most nail-biting race I have ever watched! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! 😱 To me, nothing can top it!

However, the race that stood out to me the most – and the race that firmly cemented my enjoyment for the sport – was the 2005 Japanese Grand Prix. Kimi was a BEAST in that McLaren! From starting dead last on the grid to snatching victory on the final lap. What a show he put on! 🤩👏🏻

7. Do you have a favourite circuit? Can be from the past or from the current calendar.

Spa-Francorchamps will forever be my favourite circuit. It’s home to one of the most iconic battles in history. (“BUT HERE COMES SEBASTIAN VETTEL!!!!”) Plus the foresty backdrop is absolutely stunning. 😍 One of my dream goals is to visit this iconic circuit and watch a race in person one day. 🙏🏻

I also love Silverstone, Hockenheim, Monza, Sepang, Interlagos, and the Nürburgring.

8. Have you ever been to an F1 race in real life? Feel free to tell us your experience going to one if you like.

No, I’ve never been to a race before. Not yet, at least. I would really love to go to one with my family and friends though. 🤩🙏🏻

9. Have you ever met an F1 driver in real life?

Unfortunately, as of writing, no. We’ve taken many pictures of drivers, but I’ve yet to actually come face-to-face with them and take their autographs and have pictures with them. 🙁 One day, I’m hoping this will all come true. 🤞🏻

My parents briefly talked to Esteban Ocon when he was a reserve driver. (They don’t know which team he was in at the time and I don’t know either. This was around 2015, if that helps. 🤷🏻‍♀️) My mum was extremely lucky to talk to and get an autograph from Jenson Button’s dad John when he was alive. I believe this was around the time before Jenson won the World Championship. They’ve yet to get Jenson’s autograph. Again, one day! 🤞🏻

10. Do you have a favourite F1 car? If so, what is it?

I don’t have many favourite cars, and I’m not a car nerd like my dad is. However, the McLaren MP4/20 is a certified favourite of mine. The black and white West McLaren livery in general looked very smart. I’m happy it lasted a very long time from 1997 to 2005. 😍 I wish they brought those colours back in modern races, like for special occasions or something. 😭

I also love the blue and yellow Mild Seven Renault livery from 2005, followed by McLaren’s delightfully retro Gulf livery from 2021, and Hungry Heidi herself: the Red Bull RB9 from 2013.

11. Do you have a favourite one win wonder?

Robert Kubica. This man went from having his horrific accident during the 2007 Canadian GP to winning the race a year later at the same circuit. What a legend! 🤍

12. Do you have any favourite quotes from the F1 world? This can either be inspirational or hilarious.

Let’s start with my favourite hilarious quote: Kimi’s got hundreds of iconic moments during his time in F1. I actually use his infamous quote “Just leave me alone! I know what I’m doing!” quite often in normal conversations, so…I’ll go with that! 🤣🤣🤣

As for inspirational quotes, hmmm, that’s a lot harder. The one that came to my head first was Daniel Ricciardo’s “Enjoy the butterflies” quote. I also love Sebastian Vettel’s “You can’t always be the best, but you can do your best.” and his retirement speech, among others. If I had to choose one….uhhhhh, let’s go with Daniel! I love them all equally though. 🤷🏻‍♀️

#My tag game #Formula 1 Tag Game #tag game #ask game #My ramblings: F1 #formula 1 #f1 #random #personal

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spammreviews · 2 months

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A BRIEF DEVILMAN CRYBABY RANT

What on Earth is Devilman Crybaby?

I watched Devilman Crybaby, the 2018 anime, because I heard that it was like a mix between Neon Genesis Evangelion and Berserk.

That’s true, in terms of imagery, symbolism, structure. Even the soundtrack of Devilman is similar to NGE

Devilman Crybaby is also similar to Dune in that both series ask the question “What makes us human?” Answer that question very quickly, and then proceed to spend the rest of the series adding additional footnotes to this thesis.

With Dune, the answer is extraordinarily complicated. According to Devilman Crybaby, it our ability to cry.

Devilman’s themes are not really subtle or complex. In fact, unlike the other three stories I mentioned, it’s kind of stupid, and that’s what makes it wonderful.

Beginning the first episode, the opening theme song and first scene made me think I was in a for a surreal, poetic experience. It’s a fantastic first scene, introducing us to the characters of Akira and Ryo and setting up the theme of kindness all the while having a wonderful atmosphere.

Then, we suddenly cut to a high-school track practice, and the next few scenes are a blur of horniness, weird jokes, and some of the most inhuman dialogue I’ve ever seen.

A lot of the scenes are also so nonsensically paced, either being way to slow or way to quick, ending either abruptly or a bit after they should have ended. There’s also so many scenes where the actions of character’s straight up make no sense, like that entire scene at the peir.

However, the end of the episode…it sure was something. It sees some pretty awesome body horror and an absolutely brutal fight.

A complaint I do have is the animation. It’s…not good. The character designs themselves are often enjoyable, but the drawing style is just kind of ugly. Ryo’s a good example of this. His design as this thin, regal looking, blonde, pale person who always dresses in white does a great job at telling you what he is as a character, even if it’s basically just the design of Griffith from Berserk. However, he’s drawn with these weirdly shaped eyebrows, and his haircut just looks bizarre. This seems really nitpicky, but it’s important.

A lot of the monsters also seem like they could be a lot cooler if the animation was a bit more detailed.

Not only that, but you can tell that this show was very low budget with all these instances of re-used animation and many obvious cost-cutting measures. There are multiple scenes where we barely see the characters talk and instead just see looping shots of the environment around them.

Oh, also this first episode is super horny. It’s close to being porn sometimes, and I’m not joking or exaggerating. I’m fine with art being horny, but there’s a certain point where it just becomes indulgent. It doesn’t help that, 90% of the time, it’s women being sexualized.

I’m not even going to get into the way the character of Miki is treated.

The episodes after the first one…fine, I guess.

The problem is that this story jumps the gun on its weirdness and darkness, ending the first episode with something very weird and dark. As such, the next few episodes, which are remarkably less insane, just saw me waiting for things to go crazy again.

Another problem is that the series is ridiculously quickly paced. I really liked the main characters of Ryo and Akira, and I liked their dynamic, but they barely had any time together. It doesn’t help that a lot of time is being spent with subplots.

This quick pace continues to hound the series until the very end.

People in this series keep talking about rising crime rates and how the world is going to heck, but this is never elaborated upon.

Characters like the beatboxing gang, Miki’s family, Miko, Psycho Jenny, Akira’s parents, the gay guy, Silene and her friend, and many others, go underdeveloped.

Stuff like government conspiracies, the tattoo gang, the demons having a secret plan, christianity, sexuality, and the meta aspect of the in-universe Tv show, are all underdeveloped.

Only a few plot elements feel completely finished, like running. The use of the relay race at the end is pretty creative, with Ryo not taking the baton, serving as a metaphor for his apathy.

Relay running is used similarly in many other placed. It symbolizes how the gay guy and Miko are being individualists, and Akira being the anchor shows how others depend on him. It ads a bite to Miki’s death. Blah blah blah.

The PE coach was also a brilliant use of set up and pay off carried out over the episodes.

The idea of hands grabbing others is an image used repeatedly throughout.

Miki is also a really nice character, and while I was annoyed at how little agency she had for most of the show, I appreciate how she did help save Akira in that one scene. Unfortunately, that was it, and I feel like we barely knew her as a character.

The tv series has a racism metaphor that I would rank 4/10. It shows how racism against devilmen is bad, but it also claims that demons are ontologically evil and it’s okay to kill them all. There are suggestions that they do have hearts, but this is never elaborated upon.

We see a running pattern here, the show not having enough time. As a result, its themes are half-baked and overly simplistic. It talks about how we should get along, and how humanity are the real monsters, and how individualism is bad, and empathy is nice, and how imperialism is bad, and all that jazz, but it never tied these ideas together.

Compare this to Eva, where it feels like End of Evangelion managed to touch on every idea the show had set up. That’s probably because Eva was twice as long.

It also doesn’t help that this show is almost laughably unsubtle. Miki’s “social media” post that saves people is so on-the-nose.

There’s also scenes that are just weird, like that one scene with Bonito flakes. Also, what was the deal with the kid looking up porn. Also, Donald Trump canonically exists in it. Also, who were the people shooting at the rainforest people?

I’m sure there’s an explanation, but that’s not important. It’s fine if a show is ambiguous, but this doesn’t feel purposeful so much as it feels sloppy.

It feels like the show doesn’t know what it wants to be about, with their being two or three episodes were are titular crybaby barely appears. That’s not great.

I don’t hate all of these subplots, it’s just that none of them go anywhere. For instance, we watch this romance bloom between Miko and Frizzy Haired Guy for two episodes, and I will admit, I like Frizzy Haired Guy. I was rooting for him. Then, he gets killed off and is barely mentioned again. All that buildup was for nothing.

I suppose the story is trying to purposefully be unsatisfying, something both Eva and Berserk do, but when you do that, you need to have a reason. They could have made the scene where Frizzy Haired Guy die really tragic, but they instead make it all flashy and confusing so they can have us wonder if he’s maybe still alive for a bit.

Also, we had this whole episode introducing us to gay dude, and then he randomly goes evil and gets killed off in the last episode. So long, character development!

Comparing this show to Eva again, the ending is almost amazing. The imagery sounds awesome on paper, but the animation and character designs are so minimal. It also feels like Akira stopped growing as a character after the first six episodes. He feels almost removed from the destruction, as it’s all happening because of someone else.

I could also nitpick that entire last episode to hell for the thousand different moments that are written weirdly, like that one scene where Ryo doesn’t notice that Akira’s bottom half has been removed. Also, that ending shot was way to one the nose in looking like End of Evangelion. I know the Devilman manga came before Eva, but I don’t care. Why is the sea even red?

Despite all my complaining, I still like this show. The characters are fun, even if they really aren’t that complex (especially all the characters that aren’t Ryo and Akira). The world-building is imaginative and awe-inspiring, many of the action scenes are pretty cool, and there are moments when the minimal animation does work.

Also, sometimes it’s nice to have a story that’s willing to be as bleak as this one, and as weird as this one.

To be honest, I feel like it could be weirder. I generally understood what was going on most of the time. In fact, the most confusing scenes were from the ordinary slice-of-life segments, like when that family had that giant The Last Supper painting.

I also think an idea which is carried out to its fullest is the idea of apathy. It’s the source of most of the conflict between Ryo and Akira. The ending sees Ryo destroying everything, including the one person he cares about, in his pursuits. It’s a tragic irony, I guess.

I feel like it would hit more if we had more time with these characters. What was Ryo’s reaction to learning that he was Satan and that everything he knew was a lie? What was the nature of his relationship with Psycho Jenny? What were Ryo’s actual motivations beyond “destroying humanity”.

If Ryo’s goals were more fleshed out, than the irony of him accomplishing his goals at the cost of the one thing that truly mattered to him would hit much harder.

This is definitely a story which you’re supposed to feel, not understand, but I don’t think I felt everything the show wanted me to feel.

Another victim of the quick pacing is a lack of atmosphere. Now, the show does have a few sequences with some fantastic, otherworldly atmosphere, like the beginning. However, there are many times when it would be nice if the story could slow down a bit and let us enjoy the imagery.

The lack of atmosphere in the final episode is also a result of how needlessly complex the show can be sometimes. A lot of lore is thrown into our face in that episode, as well as a lot of character backstory and insight. A lot also happens in that 25 minutes. It would be nice if we got time to digest what was happening.

I feel like I need to stop, because it seems like I dislike this show, but, there were times when I was on its wavelength.

There is some beautiful and horrific imagery in here. I love Satan’s design, and I feel like it actually works with the minimalist artsyle.

A lot of the scenes showing nuclear war in the last episode were pretty breathtaking, as the show is pretty great at showing scale and grandiosity. The use of filters really helps to sell the effect. The flashbacks to Ryo and Akira’s childhood also had an awesome juxtaposition, with these brightly colored childhood memories that use these long shots clashing with the dark and frantically edited present.

There are also many scenes of brutality earlier in the series that are legitimately pretty shocking, mainly the massacre at the track meet.

This is a series that has a lot going for it, but it ultimately stumbles at the finish line, ending up seeming more like an ant by the feet of the stories that the manga inspired.

However, they say the book is always better, so I’ll be sure to check it out.

#devilman crybaby

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mamavanheat · 2 years

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Evil Side

author's notes: first off i want to thank @arcaneblaine for introducing the idea of alt!josh into my brain, secondly @earthlysorrows for helping me write and edit. if you've never seen the movies mentioned, it might be confusing (i'm sorry!!). the playlists are from josh's pov. this is the longest fic i’ve ever written and i hope there’s not too many mistakes 😭😭

enjoy, besties

word count: 7.3K

WARNINGS: 18+ MINORS DNI, alcohol consumption, smoking, blood, SMUT, consensual non-consent (kinda?), unprotected sex, physical assult, ANGST, cursing, asshole!josh, let me know if i forgot any please!!

The music blasting through the speakers in the venue made it just a little bit harder for the server to hear your order. It's quite the busy weekend considering the weather was not favorable for most. The rain tends to drive people to stay home and cozy. However, you loved the rain. It was the perfect time for you to enjoy yourself in a not so wild environment. So, the amount of people that were crammed into the building tonight was a little overwhelming. "Hey! Can I please just get a Yuengling? Tap if you have it!" The server nodded at your order and turned to walk away. Your favorite table was always the one in the corner by the front door in case you end up leaving suddenly. Feeling invisible wasn’t your favorite thing, but it was comfortable.

The server returned with your drink, setting it down with a small black cocktail napkin. You thanked her and twisted the salt shaker from the table, sprinkling pieces onto the thin coaster. A local band, some guys you’ve vaguely heard of, was set to play live in less than a half hour. You sat patiently scrolling on your phone while you waited for them to take stage. The owner of the bar had asked you a couple months ago to manage their social media page since you frequented every weekend. They were older and could barely figure out Instagram so taking on the task was no issue. However, you didn’t happen to be the best photographer around, just someone with basic photo editing skills and a great phone camera. Before the set starts, you people watch to find the next subject of a hopefully viral post for the sake of making the owners proud.

The next band, assumably the local band that had been hyped up for a couple weeks, began to take their rightful places on the small stage. Four guys around your age grabbed their instruments as you stood to find a better spot for your pictures. One of them in particular caught your eye, the singer. He stepped onto the stage with great confidence and a smugness to him. “Thank you guys for coming to see us tonight. I’m Josh and we’re Greta Van Fleet.” His hands gripped the mic as he nodded to the guitarist, signaling the beginning of the song. This band had to be the hardest for you to capture still photographs of as they all moved across the stage continuously, especially the singer. It was a miracle his low-rise skin tight pants managed to stay on the entire time. His voice definitely did not fit the body, taking you by surprise at the notes he hit. High and low. It was intriguing to say the least.

The small audience space filled with screaming fan girls was not a shock as you watched the entire set. They had a charm and stage presence that draws you in to them. Josh interacted with them quite often causing them to absolutely lose their minds. As you tried to move your way through the crowd for a better chance at a shot stable enough to post, attention was drawn to you by the fans shoving back. Josh noticed you. His eyes lingered as he belted into the mic, not missing a single note. You became his target. He gave you the show you were looking for as he removed the mic from the stand and crouched on the stage directly before you. Looking directly into your camera as the words flowed from his lips. Once he hit a very exaggerated part, his head fell back as his eyes rolled behind his eyelids. Tongue exposed in his fully open mouth. The whole thing just seemed... orgasmic for him.

The show came to an end and the floor became a hyped circle of chaos as everyone made their way from the stage. Some taking a seat and ordering drinks, some walking out toward the street and heading on their way. You take your original seat and start to scroll through the now project of narrowing down the good and the bad results of your attempt to capture the wild ride that just unfolded. A light tap of a finger on your shoulder made you jump as your focus flew from your screen. Josh was standing in front of you, a cigarette in his smile as he acknowledged your phone in your hand. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth with his index and middle finger, pointing it the screen. “D’ya get some good stuff?” You look back down to your phone and find a couple shots to show him. “They’re not the best, but I’m no expert. Just helping the owners with their social media a bit.”

He takes the seat beside you at the table and grabs your phone, scrolling through the pictures for himself. The waitress from earlier approached the table again asking if you’d like another drink. Josh keeps his eyes on your phone as he orders some obscure drink and you order yourself another beer. “Huh, I like this one.” He turns the screen toward you to reveal a very provocative mirror selfie you’d recently taken in secret. A couple nights ago you'd gotten just a little wine drunk, or maybe a lot wine drunk, and threw on a hot outfit you’d been saving for your next rendezvous. The fishnets hugged your thighs, the tiny skirt sat on your hips revealing a little bit of your ass cheeks underneath, a very very small bra held your chest up, and your face... well you had been feeling yourself so your eyes read a very scandalous expression as your finger was held between your lips. You had definitely forgotten about it until this very moment.

Your mouth hung open as you realized what was happening. Embarrassment filled your mind as you tried to come up with an excuse for it. But there was no excuse, you just felt hot as fuck. The fact that he even said anything sure was ballsy. And you liked it. “What’s your favorite film?” Josh’s eyes looked at you as if he was trying to test willingness to play along to a little game. He was trying to distract you now. He’s in control of this interaction and making it clear. Quietly you mumbled, “10 Things I Hate About You.” It feels like a trick to test his pretentiousness, but in all honesty, it was one of your top movies. He’d never know that truthfully though. “You’re fucking kidding me.” You can’t help but bust out laughing at his response. Not exactly what you expected but nonetheless, he did fall for your backfire to his game. “Nothing thought provoking?” You were ashamed to keep entertaining him but the fact that this specific man was giving you attention felt really good. “Fine, Donnie Darko.” Nodding his head with a fake impressed expression, he replies, “Okay, okay. Interesting.”

You huffed at him with a look of disbelief. “What? Are you, like, reading me or something?” His eyebrows flew up his face at your attitude. He likes it. “Actually, yes. You can learn a lot from someone’s favorite fantasy world. Who’s your favorite character?” You hesitate for a couple seconds before replying, “Honestly... Frank. He’s everywhere but not an actual physical being. Mysterious, in a kinda hot way. I feel like we’d get along. He could haunt me every day for the rest of my life and I'd never be scared. He’s... comforting? I dunno, I’m just rambling now.” A nervous giggle sneaks through your lips as you feel a hot blush falling across your cheeks.

“Okay, Josh. What’s your favorite movie?” Without needing a second to think he replies, “The Shining. Really fucks with your head but it’s not real either. Seems we have something in common on that part.” The only thing in common if feels. A cunning smirk crept from his lips, immediately drawing your eyes in. He takes notice and swipes his tongue across his bottom lip and pulling it in for a light bite. At that point you don’t know how long you’ve been thirsting over his lips but you heart heavily beating through your chest pulled you back to reality.

“So, I know you really don’t have that much experience in photography but I was thinking,” He seems to be genuine when asking the favor, “would you want to come take some pictures for our new album promotion? I kinda actually like the... rawness of your editing.” Now that actually felt like an insult, but you tell yourself he really didn’t mean it like that. “Give me your number, Frankie.” This name caught you by surprise. “Frankie?” He ignores the question and reaches his phone to you with the name already written into the contact. You typed your information in before handing it back to him. “Perfect! See ya soon, Frankie.” An effortless wink was your goodbye before he turned with his drink in hand to join his band mates at the bar.

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Frankie’s Fishnets

"Evil Side" - The Dirty Nil

"Closer" - Nine Inch Nails

“Tear You Apart” - She Wants Revenge

"Want You Bad" - The Offspring

"Animal" - Against Me!

“MakeDamnSure” - Taking Back Sunday

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That whole night and the couple following days were filled with thoughts of this man. He was so intimidating but calm about everything. It was hard to read him but you’d take your chances and trust him. After the picture fiasco, you weren’t quite sure what kind of relationship this was at this point. Josh had texted you earlier today about starting the shoot. You agreed and tried to set up a makeshift studio out of things you just had laying around. Your apartment was filled with whacky furniture and antique trinkets so it wasn’t hard to come up with the perfect space.

“Here’s Joshy!” A loud enthusiastic voice announces his entrance as he walks into your front door after throwing it completely open. “Where’s the other guys?” Josh shrugs and heads directly to your fridge, scrounging around for something to drink. “They, uh, had other plans come up.” He pulls a beer from the shelf and cracks it open. A couple gulps and a sigh to follow fills the quiet air. “Okay, so it’s just us?” He throws the beer back again before assuring, “Yep, just me and you. Alone.” Something about those words tells you he had a different idea in mind for your session tonight. “How am I supposed to get the whole band in the pictures if they’re not here?” He finishes the last couple drops of the beer and smashing the can in his hand. Your eyes stayed glued to the veins in his hand as he gripped the crushed aluminum. “Edit them in or something. I had another idea anyway. Interested?” Your eyebrows furrow to him in confusion.

“Where’s your bathroom?” Nodding the direction to him, your mind instantly goes to horny thoughts you’d had over the days he stayed spiraling in and out of your mind. You fought with yourself over what kind of lover he’d be. Was he the type that always wanted to be in charge? But then maybe he was the one to switch roles. He liked it when you snapped his attitude back to him. Maybe he likes to be told what to do every now and then. Either way, he just seemed like a tease. “Frankie!” Your new name was being called not from the bathroom, but from your bedroom at the end of the hall.

You walk in to see Josh rummaging through your closet. You make your way to him fast and smoothly slide between him and the door. “What do you think you’re doing?!” He moves back from you and answers, “Well, I was looking for something for you to wear. It’s part of the new project.” Standing in complete shock with your hands still spread across the doorway, you can’t help but scoff, “What’s the project?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bottle of a red thick liquid. Before you could even ask another question, he pulls his shirt above his head and tosses it to the side of the room. He snaps open the bottle and begins pouring its contents over his tattoo covered skin. It drips around the gold chain resting against his collar bones. The shock on your face couldn’t be hidden while he holds the bottle out to you, “Kinda like spray it on the wall behind me so it looks like I just slashed someone to death.”

“Josh, what the fuck is that?!” A laugh bellows from his chest as he swipes a finger across his chest gathering the glistening drops then sliding the finger into his mouth. “Relax, Frankie. Corn syrup and food dye. Like blood in the movies.” He grabs your hand and pours a couple droplets from the bottle onto your finger before bringing it to your mouth. His eyes catch yours and don’t let go as you pulled your lips apart slightly for him to give you a taste. It was sweet and sticky just like you imagined. “I already found it by the way.” He said as he let go of your wrist. Your eyebrows are again showing your confusion. “Found what?” He looks over your shoulder and tilts his head toward your bed. The outfit you had on in the picture he saw the night at the venue was laying neatly atop your bedding.

“Listen, the idea is we’re a blood thirsty fucked up couple. We get off on the kill.” You couldn’t take your eyes off the very small amount of cloth laying in front of you. Outside you tried to make yourself seem offended that he would even assume you’d play a part in this. Inside, you know better. Your head was spinning with excitement. “And you want me to be a part of this? What does this have to do with your band?” His eyes studied you up and down. You felt like an innocent prey staring into the eyes of the predator. “This is for, uh, my personal works. Nothing to do with the band. Just art.” Just art. You repeated it in your head thinking it over.

“Put it on.” He walked to the bed and held the outfit out to you still on the hanger. “Fuck off, Josh. I’m not going to model half naked for you.” That was a lie and you knew it. In fact, you had already day dreamed about it... multiple times. “I said put it on, Y/N.” This time his voice wasn’t playful, he was demanding. He wasn’t using your nickname anymore. He left the room then you heard the front door open and close. You weren’t sure how long until he’d be back, if he was coming back, but this was something you wanted. All those day dreams and questions you’d asked yourself are minutes away from being answered. You slipped out of your clothes, laying them neatly on the bed to replace the outfit Josh had handed to you. Your reflection in the mirror this time didn’t look like you. A sinister woman was staring back.

The top was barely tied to your chest when he returned, a camera and tripod in hand. He didn’t react to your pretty much naked body in front of him. This did make you a little insecure, so naturally you pulled some of your hair over your shoulder to hide at least a little bit. “I brought this so it’d be a little easier to use with both of us as the subjects. I’m gonna set a timer on it and it’s really just going to be easier to film and take stills from the video for editing.” You nod at him like you had any understanding what he was talking about. Really the only thing you could focus on was his hands wrapped around the camera while he changed the settings. The way his fingers flex with every button he pushed.

“Let’s do this.” He slapped his hands together before walking toward the direction the camera pointed. For the first time since he walked into the room, he looked at you. Nodding to himself in approval with an evil grin. “I’m going to do a couple with just myself and then you can jump in when you’re ready, okay?” You return the nod to him in agreement. Something about him changed before your eyes. He became a character, somebody else. It was fascinating watching his posing and behaviors like you weren’t even there. It made sense why his favorite movie was about a man with some kind of separate personality. You weren’t in the room anymore, just him and whoever he was pretending to be. He was so good at it, you felt yourself trying to cower down and hide. Suddenly as you started to move back farther from him, his eyes fell your direction. Pupils fully dilated.

He steps closer to you while admiring all of you again. His eyes this time told you he would devour you in a second if you just gave him the word. “Josh... we’re supposed to be working.” A hand fell onto your exposed waist, the other brushed your hair behind your shoulder. A little sting sends a chill down your body as his teeth took a soft bite of the flesh he just cleared for himself. His lips brushed across your neck before stopping at your ear lobe. “All work and no play makes Josh a dull boy.” Your head fell backward while his nose pressed into your neck as he laid kiss after kiss on your skin. You couldn’t help but focus on the cold sensation of his septum ring against your hot skin. His hands snaked their way down your back to each grab a handful of your ass pulling you closer to him.

His chest pressed against yours smothering you in the fake blood he’d poured onto himself. It was definitely making a mess that was going to be hard to clean. “Tell me what you want.” His voice between lips meeting against your skin just feels so right. You purr to him involuntarily as your worrying mind is no longer in the pilot’s seat. You didn’t even realize one of his hands had left their place to grip into your hair and pull back, eyes shooting open to see into his. “Tell me what you want.” He repeats himself again through clenched teeth. You smirk at him mockingly while looking through your eyelashes devilishly challenging him. He slips his fingers into the holes of your fishnet tights and rips them open, causing you to jump at the unwarranted action. “You really don’t listen, do you? That’s gonna get you into some trouble.”

The hand holding onto your hair let go before he grabbed the strings of your top, releasing your breasts from the fabric as it fell between your bodies. His eyes glanced down to them while he pushed you back to the bed and sitting you down. “Give me your hands.” You held your arms out to him while he wrapped the strings around your wrists, tying them tight. The movements of his hands were ingrained into your memory. He stood at the edge of the bed and undid his pants, pulling himself free. Another image stored into your brain. “You look like an angel covered in that blood, Y/N. Too good for me.” He was teasing you but it was turning you on. You didn’t want to wait for his next instructions so you wrapped your bound hands around it and started rubbing it slowly, looking up to him for approval. He grabs your jaw and pulls your mouth closer. “Open.” You do as he says and open your lips, sliding your tongue out to him. You expected him to slide his cock in but instead he bends over you, looking directly into your eyes, and spits right into your mouth.

“On your knees, ass up.” You did as he told while guided himself to the entrance between your legs. Sliding in just a little bit in and pulling completely out, forced a moan of frustration from your throat. “Now, tell me what you want.” You can’t ignore his demand this time. You were completely under him and willing to obey his every command. “I want you to...” He pushed himself a little more this time. “Fuck... I want you to destroy me.” It came out as a whisper but he heard you clear. Exactly what he wanted to hear. He went all the way in this time, making your mouth fly open and eyes squeeze shut. Your body adjusted to him the first couple of thrusts before he told you, “I love to see your ass bouncing against my cock, fuck!” He smacked his hand across it before grabbing your hips to pound himself deeper into you.

Your head flew back from the force every time his hips hit against your backside. You can’t manage to hide your moans anymore as they turned more into screams of satisfaction. His hand ran up your back pushing you further into the mattress until it snaked around your throat. He gripped tightly using it to pull you back against his chest. Hot breath hit against your neck as he dug his teeth into your shoulder. He was destroying your pussy and your mind. There’s no way you’d ever forget this man. He awakened something inside of you. The way he tightened and loosened his hold on your throat had you dizzy. Your body was filling with heat and ready to burst with him deep inside of you. That fucking sweet spot he hit over and over again was driving you to the release you needed. “God damn, Y/N. You’re fucking shaking with my cock buried in that soaking wet pussy.” His voice was quivering as he spoke in your ear. He was folding into you just as much as you were into him. Your hands still tied together fell between your thighs, massaging your clit to match his movement.

You reached the point you couldn’t take anymore. Your eyes rolled back as your body stiffened. Everything around you was dissolving. A warm wet liquid coated both of your legs… and his. “Fuck yes.” He growled at you. Your pussy clenched around his cock over and over until he let you go to fall forward on the bed. He held himself over your ass and pumped until his cum was coating your back. A string of moans fell from his mouth while he finished draining himself. You lay on your stomach twitching in ecstasy as he laid onto his back next to you.

“I’ve never done that before.” You admitted softly to him, moving your face from his direction. “It was so fucking hot, Frankie. You don’t even know.” He laughed off your embarrassment, pushing his hair back from his sweat and fake blood covered face. “Josh... Why me?” He was quiet for a couple minutes before letting out a heavy sigh, “Dunno. Something told me you’d be fun to play with.” He rolled to the side of the bed and stood to walk out of the room. The sound of the shower knob squeaking on let you know his time with you tonight was done. Time to wash the sheets.

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Fear |—| Love

"I Believe in a Thing Called Love" - The Darkness

"Girl All the Bad Guys Want" - Bowling For Soup

“Possum Kingdom” - Toadies

“Hands Down” - Dashboard Confessional

“Last Of The American Girls” - Green Day

“Everlong” - Foo Fighters

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The following weeks after the first hook up consisted of meet ups for pleasure and pain. It was hard to tell yourself to not catch feelings when he made you feel this way. He made you feel wanted but not at the same time. He was addicting. It was confusing but you were trapped under his spell. Every time he looked into your eyes with his dark caramel gaze you melted into him over and over again. You had memorized every tattoo he had and could trace them with your eyes closed. You knew everything that makes him tick and everything he dreamed of having. Well, sexually that is. He refused to open up to you, but his eyes always told you the truth even if his lips always lied.

At first it did start out as some kind of kinky sex. Something he fantasized and wanted to play out. Over time it felt like he considered your needs more. He still played out his ideas but also started asking you what you wanted instead of only demands. ‘No kissing. No cuddling. No staying the night.’ Those were the rules. It was confusing in the beginning but that’s what he wanted. And you wanted him.

Somehow between all the action, you’d managed to squeeze in time to actually get photos of the band all together. Josh had shown you some tricks to get the look he wanted for the promotional flyers. It wasn’t as hard as you thought it’d be but he always made it seem so easy. Everything was easy for him. When the other guys were around, you were just a fellow photographer. When it was just the two of you, you were his in every sense. Easy for him to pretend even if it wasn’t for you.

Sometimes you couldn’t help yourself trying to keep his attention when his friends were around. You would stand as close to him as you could without him pushing you away, grazing the back of your hand across his when you walked next to him, catching his eyes for a second too long before he would look away. Today was the day to show them the final prints and edits. You spread them across the table as they looked through and commented on how much they loved them. Josh sent you a wink as you smiled proudly to him beside you.

You wrapped your arm around his waist and pulled him to you for kiss on his cheek. “What do you think you’re doing?” His response sent your whole body stiff with confusion. “I- I thought you wanted me to.” He pulled you to the side of the room and looked back and forth between your eyes before whispering so nobody else could hear, “Look, I don’t know what you think this is, but it’s not it. We’re not a thing. I was just having fun.” There it was. Everything you felt was going on but denied yourself because it’s not what you wanted. “I don’t understand.” His eyes looked sad but yet he stood his ground. “I think you should leave. Now.” The other people in the room had caught onto the scene and awkwardly stood around the table. A fire of rage started to fill your body as you finally caught onto his game. This was the plan the whole time. He just wanted to use and dump you when he won.

“What about the pictures? You don’t want them?” You throw the prints at him sending them flying around the room. “I don’t need your fucking help, Frankie. I’m used to handling things on my own.” he growled at you. He turned away leaving you to talk to the back of his head, his attention was no longer going to be for you. “Don’t fucking call me that, you fucking asshole!” Thumping in your chest took over your body the more you thought about it. Stomach in a tight knot as your mouth watered with sickness. Eyes filling with flooded waters waiting for the dam to break and set them free. Lungs heavy and collapsing with every releasing breath. Your heart ached. That was it. You were done.

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SUCK A FUCK

“Self Esteem” - The Offspring

“Your Sword Versus My Dagger” - Silverstein

“Change” - Deftones

“Buried Myself Alive” - The Used

“Inside Out” - Eve 6

“You’re Cute When You Scream” - Senses Fail

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A couple weeks had passed and there was an event your venue was holding at an employee’s house. You pulled up to the party not knowing exactly how to feel. In a way, it was good to get out and enjoy your friends again, but part of you just missed the rush he gave you. You didn’t know if he’d be here but the chances were high considering he’s now included into the local music scene. He can just walk around and live his normal life socializing and doing all the things he wants without a second thought. No regrets according to him. How was it so easy for him? So easy to just pretend like nothing happened. Like you didn’t mean anything to him. As much as you wanted to believe it wasn’t true, the reality of your different lives proves itself.

The house was filled with conversation and loud music from the speakers. You made your way to the table with all the liquor set out and pour yourself a hefty glass of vodka, soda, and a few limes. After a couple gulps of the strong mix, you made a path around through the groups of people standing around. Once you got to the middle of the party, you heard a familiar voice followed by loud laughter. Your head whipped in his direction to see him surrounded by some music industry people and friends. It hurt to see how happy he was, or pretending to be.

The liquor was starting to hit when you realized you had no idea how much time passed with you watching him. You needed a distraction and found your way to the area with people dancing around. There was a man there you thought you’d have no chance with. However, Josh had given you the courage you lacked in the past. You walked to him smiling before turning your back into him and grinding. His hand fell at your hip and your free hand found the back of his head, pulling him into you. The room was spinning as you downed the rest of your drink and stumbled around with the new man. You closed your eyes and leaned back into him before he spun you to face him. His lips were now pressed on yours, aggressively moving around them. “No thank you.” Your hands pushed against his chest to pull away but he wasn’t taking the hint.

You tried to walk away but a hand on your wrist pulled you back to him. “C’mon, babe. You came to me.” His breath against your ear didn’t feel the same as Josh’s. He didn’t make you melt. He didn’t give you goosebumps from excitement. He was just some man. You shook your head at him as you stumbled away the second time. “Fuck you, cunt!” The only response you could give in your current drunken state was to look him in the eye and flip him the bird. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that!” No way. No way that was the voice of the man that ran through your head every single day. You faced the direction it was coming from to see Josh coming in inches from the man’s face. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” Not even a second could go by after he finished the question before Josh’s fist was planted into the nose of his challenger. He fell to the floor and held his face as blood began pouring from the wound.

Josh turned and rushed toward you, reaching his arm over your shoulder to guide you out the front door. “Oh, now you want to show me affection in front of people? I bet you’re so turned on by the blood, huh?” Your words were barely coherent when he opened his passenger door to his car and basically laid you into the seat. He walked to the driver side and slammed his door shut, jamming the keys into the ignition. “Where are you taking me, Joshy? Taking me to use and toss to the side? Hidden away for when you need a quick nut?” You were spitting your insults to his face but he remained unphased, other than his jaw clenching shut to keep whatever he had to say behind his teeth.

By the time he pulled into your drive way, you’d long been passed out. You were in and out of conscience while he picked you up from the seat and carried you to the front door. He reached in your bag, pulling out the bundle of keys, and fumbled around the find the right one. As soon as it was open, he headed straight for your bedroom and laid you on the mattress. Your shoes were tossed on the floor before he pulled back your comforter and tucked you underneath. His hand brushed your hair softly from your face before he disappeared.

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when the world will end

“The Reason” - Hoobastank

“Have Faith In Me” - A Day to Remember

“I Miss You” - blink-182

“Iris” - The Goo Goo Dolls

“How’s It Going to Be” - Third Eye Blind

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Your head was pounded when you woke up. The rain falling against your window was unbearably loud and made you extremely nauseated. But not as nauseated as you felt sitting in the bottom of your shower, attempting to wash off the bad night, and remembering Josh coming to your rescue. You don’t remember all of it, in fact you only remember a few things. The guy, the blood, and you screaming in Josh’s face. Next thing you knew, you woke up in your bed feeling like your head and heart were going to explode out of your body.

You picked up your phone and dialed his number expecting it to go straight to voicemail. The ringing stopped and before he could answer you asked him, “Why did you save me?” He sighed heavily into the phone. “Just because I’m the bad guy to you doesn’t mean I am a bad guy.” That was an answer you weren’t expecting. A long silence followed before another reply from him, “That guy isn't good for you. Shit Y/N, even I would be better for you and I’m the bad guy here.” You finally tried to move on and it failed. He was right, to you he was the bad guy. But you felt he wasn’t being completely honest with his feelings either. ‘I would be better for you’? What does he even mean by that? He’s the one that left you crushed and putting yourself back together with no answers.

“Josh, he was just some random guy at a party. We weren’t there together.” Another long silence. You looked at your phone to make sure he was still on the call to see the timer still going. Minutes passed before he said anything. “Can I come see you?” You hesitated an answer but you wanted to hear what he had to say. Maybe he could explain what happened in detail for him to act like that. Or maybe he was just going to manipulate his way back into your life. At this point, who knows what goes on in that man’s mind? You surely didn’t.

Most of the anxious thoughts in your mind were probably from the little bit of hangover left, but you did feel sick at the thought of seeing him face to face again. Before he’d gotten there you made yourself some food you probably wouldn’t keep down, taken more ibuprofen than you should have, and down as much water you could manage. The longer you waited, the sadder you felt. It was lonely sitting there in your thoughts. Hours passed until you heard a light knock on the front door. You stood there knowing he was on the other side but not knowing the outcome. A deep breath and you opened the door. He didn’t give you a chance to say anything before he started explaining everything.

“All of this time I had myself convinced it was just me. I was supposed to be there for myself and never rely on anybody else. Nobody to help me see the small things around me and appreciate them, or make me think about how the way I act really affects the people I care about. I always said it’s not my problem how they react, that’s their problem. But that’s not true Y/N. You made me realize all of these things. I hurt you. I really hurt you. And I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that. You made me scared. I started having feelings that I couldn’t believe were real until I met you.” Seeing him standing in front of you was hard. You made yourself look into his eyes as tears finally started streaming from yours. They were empathetic and polite. Something you’d never seen from him before. He says he was scared of you but you felt he was the one to be scared of. As much as you wanted to hate him, you couldn’t. He just keeps you wrapped around his finger no matter how much you tried to let it go.

He starts to take a step toward you but you flinch backwards. “Fuck!” He yells grabbing his head in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I just- I'm gonna go.” As much as you hated how he treated you, you knew it wasn’t really how he felt. Everything he just admitted to you was real. You felt it. You just needed him to say it himself. Without realizing the rain had started again, you started running after him barefoot through the wet mud and grass of the yard. He heard you coming after him and caught you in his arms. Your head fell against his shoulder and your legs wrapped around his waist. “Frankie, I’m so sorry I hurt you.” he mumbled into your shoulder. His arms held you tight as the rain fell harder. You didn’t care.

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That was a compliment.

“Fade Into You” - Mazzy Star

“Tonight, Tonight” - The Smashing Pumpkins

“Slide” - The Goo Goo Dolls

“Got You (Where I Want You) - The Flies

“Just Like Heaven” - The Cure

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He had ended up carrying you through the front door again, this time you would remember the whole thing. Soaked clothes and skin sticking together as he let you down back onto your feet. He pushed the wet strands of hair from your cheek before sliding his hands around your jaw. You finally felt his kiss. Soft lips giving you the words he wasn’t able to speak. Everything he’d held back the entire time. He was scared you were the one going to leave, this time he wasn’t letting go. His mouth followed yours as you pulled back only to relieve yourself of your dripping wet shirt. It hit the floor with a splat when it fell from your fingertips. He watched closely as you reached for the hem of his to follow the same actions. You hadn’t bothered to put on a bra, as this whole interaction wasn’t expected for today’s agenda.

You reached your hand for his. He smiled grabbing it softly and following you to your familiar bedroom. Your hands untied your pajama pants and slid them down your legs, tossing them to the side with a kick of your foot. “You’re so beautiful.” He took in your whole figure, appreciating every small detail. Every freckle and scar. Every crease and dip. It was hard to not smile at his admiration. You knelt down before him onto your knees and unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down his legs until he stepped out of them. You wrapped your hands around his dick and kissed the head softy. The way he looked at you was not the same. His eyes were soft and kind, full of love.

You stood and led him to the bed, pushing him lightly to lay down. He slid back against the pillows and watched as you crawled to join him, throwing a leg over his side and straddling him. His hands fell onto your hips while you situated yourself. You cupped your hands around his face, leaning in to kiss him again. His fingertips laced up your back while he pulled you into him. Tasting him was now your favorite sensation. Every move he made was delicate and light. No rush to get things finished. He moved down to your nipple, licking a couple times before sucking it between his lips. His tongue swiped it causing your clit to start throbbing at the feeling. You hum to him, “That feels so good, Joshy.” He curls his lips into a small smile at the praise.

His hand slips down your thigh and back up to your hip before moving down to your core. He swipes his thumb over your very sensitive clit while looking up to you for a reaction, mouth still latched onto your breast. Your hands wrap around his head holding him closer to your chest as he massages you. Warm fuzzy feelings rush through your veins as your first orgasm comes. You squeeze your eyes shut as your head falls back in pleasure, letting small gasps escape your lungs. Your hips rutted craving him inside. He lets your nipple free with a pop and reaches between the two of you, centering himself below you. You lean forward resting your forehead against his and staring into his eyes again. Sliding down inch by inch adjusting to him slowly. He places his hands on your ass helping you find your pace, grinding yourself down onto him.

You find your lips back on his, tongue swiping them open and inviting him inside. Your hips start moving fast chasing the high you were so close to finding. Moans filled the air with the sound of the rain against the window. Nothing else mattered anymore. You and him were together and it was everything you thought it would be. He was finally inviting you into the real him, not just the act he put on to protect himself from the rest of the world. He was soft, caring, and considerate. Even if the ride was wild, the result was worth it in the end. You could see it.

The feeling was building up inside of you again. The waves of electricity flowed through your body once more. “Look at me.” He could feel you pulsing around him as his own orgasm began to follow yours. You open your eyes to gaze into his, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. “Please come for me, Y/N.” Shaking and grabbing onto his arms, you finished for the second time. He let go after you staring into your soul, it felt. Your body relaxed onto him as he held you tight. “I love you, Frankie.” he whispered to you. The words caught you by surprise as you tried to catch your breath, heart beating hard in your chest. You were scared to say it back but it felt so natural, no more thinking needed. “I love you, too.” Both of you stayed that way for a bit. Taking everything in, raw emotions hanging in the room. You didn’t need to say anything. He put a hand on your shoulder and push back, then sliding your hair from your face. “We should probably take a shower now, huh?” You nodded to him with a smile.

#gvf #greta van fleet #gretavanfleet #josh gvf #josh kiszka #josh x reader #smut #gvf fan fic #ask me things #gvf smut #greta van fleet fan fic

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piqued-curiosity · 1 year

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What would you say being GNC is? I saw your post about butch/femme and I do agree that many people treat it like some sort of gender role but for lesbians.

I've seen people talk about GNC lesbians but I haven't really seen people explain? Can you be GNC if you don't wear make-up and don't shave but do wear earrings and comfortable dresses?

Personally I only wear comfortable clothing and shoes. Whether those are hiking shoes or shoes with a small square heel, or trousers or a comfy dress. I don't wear foundation but I have tinted lipbalm and when I still used make-up I only ever used a bit of eyeshadow. I used to have very short hair but now it's long because I constantly had to go to the hairdresser, and it's less hassle to just let it grow for me.

Like, I understand wearing dresses and having long hair is considered gender conforming... but do you get what I mean? Can you only be GNC if you dress "masculine"?

I think it’s a very relative term that’s going to vary based on personal experience.

For example, a woman who grew up in a family and community that wasn’t so strict about gender roles, might not feel like she’s not conforming when she doesn’t wear makeup, doesn’t shave, and wears a suit. If she’s gone her whole life never being challenged for this, it makes sense that it would just be normal to her and she wouldn’t consider it GNC.

On the flip side, a woman who grew up in an environment that harshly enforced gender roles, might feel like she’s not conforming by doing even the smallest thing, like not wearing makeup, or wearing pants instead of a skirt, or cutting her hair. Because of her upbringing, any one action that rebels against what was enforced will feel like an act of non-conformity, and she might refer to herself as GNC because of that.

I also think it’s a hard thing to measure, because there’s so many individual things that can be considered GNC, and then mixed and matched. On the surface; not wearing makeup, not wearing “feminine” clothes, having short hair, etc. Below the surface: being assertive, being confident, not making yourself small for others, etc. So what do we do with that? Do we treat it like a DSM diagnosis and say “you need to be doing at least [X number] of these before calling yourself GNC”? Do we not do that, and call even the most gender-conforming woman GNC because she wore pants?

And yes, I absolutely get what you mean. Personally, I’m kind of like you where I conform in some areas, but don’t conform in others. I’m comfortable in tights and a t-shirt, which I consider very neutral, I can’t really call it “feminine” or GNC because it’s just what I’ve always been comfortable in, with no gender roles attached. I don’t shave, I don’t wear makeup. Everyone can agree those aspects of me are GNC (especially my mother who is not happy about it lol). I’m loud, confident, and I at least try to be assertive. That’s considered by most to be GNC. I’m working on other similar areas, like the habit of saying “sorry” too much or being the one to move out of the way for another. But I keep my hair very long (around butt length). So does that cancel everything out? Or is it just one area I’m conforming in?

So I guess I don’t really have an answer to what “GNC” is…because I don’t really think there’s one single way to be GNC. I think the line is drawn at the impact the non-conformity has. So to use the example of the hyper-feminine woman in pants again…she’s not GNC, because those pants have such a little impact when they’re being overshadowed by her conformity in all other areas. But an unshaven, barefaced woman in a dress and sneakers, I’d consider that GNC because the rejection of shaving, makeup, and impractical footwear overshadows the dress. And then bonus points for short hair, “masculine” personality traits, etc.

#asks #anon

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chequestage95 · 1 year

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Not known Facts About What does 'negative stress' mean?

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Others have interrupted sleep (problem dropping sleeping or waking early in the morning with nationality thought and feelings). Sleeping Check For Updates and beginning is recorded throughout waking as effectively as when the chauffeur is sleeping. The driver is instructed that if he assumes he require to push for a min or more to start the automobile at the front or rear end of the cars and truck, he ought to push once again, because there is a issue with the cars and truck in front. At that point there are those who respond by eating junk food -- and a whole lot of it! Not all junk food addicts are fatty tissue guys or have a big following. There are lots of, many who have never ever smoked previously and were certainly never drawn to have sexual activity without a healthy and balanced dish. I recognize there are actually people who try to obtain pregnant while having more than an limitless volume of carbs in their diet regimen; a lot of of them never also make an effort to develop! (Bear in mind - desserts is emphasized meant in reverse!). The absolute best kind of sugar you can toss into a bowl of a bowl is called caramelized sweets (also frequently understood as the sesame oil and natural honey). The difference between caramelized and sesame oil is the distinction in the high quality of the honey. It's actually the very same as butter - it's not really made by melting and rolling sugar in to the batter. The great updates: No matter how busy your timetable, it is achievable to take care of stress and keep it from destroying your life. Here are some pointers for how to manage tension as well. 1. Receive Your Tension Identified Definitely nerve-racking individuals are typically really vulnerable to discomfort and to stress, therefore be prepared to play through the rules at all times. Don't skip out on one of the most successful tension procedure training class you can easily pay for. Causes of Stress Merely explained, worry explains the numerous demands and pressures that we all experience, to some level, each day. Stress will take place when we're worried, or we're pressured from opportunity to time, so there's no very clear policy for how to handle along with it when you're stressed. A particular stressor in life can easily induce you to really feel bogged down, to worry exceedingly, or to merely really feel irritated or depressed, or to experience poor. These requirements are bodily, mental, psychological, or even chemical in nature. The only method to comprehend the attribute of these needs and those actions comes to be by means of an investigation through experts, who examine folks's brains and the minds of our closest relatives, and they after that determine what the all-natural state of their world will definitely look like. Thus much of what produces the mind of others one-of-a-kind is down to those people who develop and hold out that exact same type of habits. The word "tension" covers both the nerve-racking scenario, recognized as the stress factor, and the indicators you experience under worry, your stress response. Stress factors are usually associated along with feeling exhausted. Worry can easily be felt as either literally/psychological or psychological/subjective. It is vital to be informed of how your body system is experiencing in order to make proper selections through yourself and your life. However, it is vital to maintain the management of your emotions. This suggests making use of it readily and carefully.

#negative stress #emotional stress #psychological stress

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phantomrose96 · 3 years

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Buds After the Frost

This was supposed to be a short warm-up writing exercise yesterday and then it got... longer. Enjoy!!

...

The doors opened for Maddie Fenton with a pneumatic hiss. Pressurized nitrogen released, splitting open the vacuum seal on the door as its twin halves slid apart, slotting into the wall-mounted sleeves. The nitrogen misted out, cold and dry, air currents catching in swirls around Maddie Fenton’s lab coat. Her feet thocked against hollow metal, amplified by the coldness and the vastness of the containment room beyond.

She paused short of the specimen’s cell, mindful attention drawn to the panel of controls nested rightmost against the wall. The monitor read out stats, tracked metrics of the specimen’s heartrate and blood oxygenation and blood pressure. Dials beneath the screens offered her means of interaction, manipulating the cage’s environment without needing to tamper with it by hand. She ignored these, as she had been ignoring them the entire time, and paid mind only to the single switch which would seal shut the doors behind her.

She pressed it. Another pneumatic hiss followed, locking out the world behind her. Her breath curled, cold. She and the specimen were alone.

“No coffee this morning?” he asked.

Maddie sat down at the control panel, elbow leaning against the dashboard for support. She turned to the cage. “No. One of the interns broke the pot last night. New one should be delivered today.”

Phantom let out a huff of air. “You mean in this whole gigantic mega-hyper-futuristic government lab, there’s nothing that can stand in as a coffee pot?”

“I wouldn’t stay employed long if I tried using equipment to brew coffee.”

“Use one of the big ectoplasm beakers. Ectoplasm washes out with soap and water. Just suds it up and throw it in the coffee maker. I’m an expert about these things.”

“It’s more about protocol.”

Phantom waved her off. “’Protocol.’ Bureaucracy is standing between you and a delicious cup of ectoplasmic coffee, Dr. Fenton.”

Maddie looked forward now, taking him in. He’d hovered to the front of the cell, translucent reinforced glass separating him from the rest of the lab. Green eyes shined above a cheeky smile, a dusting of loose white hairs falling over his eyes, the rest of his bangs swept slightly to the side. His tailed flickered, his aura pulsed, his vital readings blipped out steady, normal, healthy.

“Phantom?”

“Yeah?”

Maddie paused.

“Why are you still here?”

The ghost boy let out a small guffaw. He motioned his arms around him, hands waving. “I dunno. Maybe the big ghost-proof box I’m in has something to do with it?”

“The shield is down, Phantom,” Maddie answered quietly. She set her eyes to Phantom, investigating. “…I put it down last night. It’s down now. You knew this.”

Phantom took just a moment too long to react, eyebrows arching up. “Oh, huh! Nope I didn’t notice. I mean it’s not like I’m constantly throwing myself at the barrier to electrocute myself so no I just didn’t try getting past it last night so I didn’t notice.”

“Phantom,” Maddie said again, voice measured, words stern. “You saw me crank down the dial that controls the shield.”

“Well I don’t know what all those buttons and dials do.”

“Yes you do. You’ve been observing me since day 1. You knew.”

Phantom kicked back in the air, floating a fraction back and higher. “Well maybe I thought it was a trap, I dunno. Or maybe I just like to get in your head, you know? What unpredictable thing will Phantom do next! Gotta write another 200 equations about ghost theory to figure that one out, Dr. Fenton.”

“Phantom.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you not want to leave?”

“Oh I wanna leave.”

“Then why aren’t you?”

“We’re having a conversation. That’d be rude.”

“Will you leave as soon as I exit the room?”

“Who knows?”

“Phantom.”

“Yeah?”

Maddie stood. She left her chair and the control panel behind. She walked up to the specimen cage instead. It was cubic, a skeleton of metal bar ribbings with a metal mesh that plastered the glass sides like a membrane. The top anchored to the ceiling, the bottom—raised by about a foot—anchored to a pedestal on the floor. Maddie stared through the mesh into Phantom’s eyes.

“Is there anyone who realizes you’re missing?” she asked.

Phantom chewed on the question. “Nah. Well um, trick question, actually. Probably not. Assuming I do this right, then no one has even realized I’m gone.”

“Do what ‘right’?”

“You know that thing about Clockwork I explained?”

“You said he’s the ghost that controls time and reality.”

“Yeah. SUPER powerful.”

“And you said you …were from one of those other realities.”

Phantom nodded. “Maybe I touched some things in Clockwork’s lair I wasn’t actually allowed to touch. Jury’s still out on whether I’m in trouble for that or not. I’ve been a little too ‘stuck in this reality’ to know if Clockwork is pissed. But yeah, I got um, bopped into your reality instead of mine. So technically my reality is lacking me right now, and yeah there’s people there who’d know I’m missing.”

Phantom flipped upside-down, as though laying on his back. He rested his palms beneath his head, elbows out, suspended in an invisible hammock, head tilted far back so that he still stared at Maddie. “Especially since it’s been, what, a month that I’ve been gone?”

“2 weeks.”

“What? No way. I’ve been here absolutely forever it has to have been at least a month.”

“This is day 14 of your observation, Phantom.”

Phantom blew a strand of hair out of his face. “Anyway. Two weeks is still long enough to have a search party out on my butt. But whether or not that’s happened is up to – it’s kind of a Schrodinger thing. Because here’s my strategy. Assuming Clockwork hasn’t banned me from reality-hopping forever, I can just get him to send me back to my own reality at the precise moment in time I vanished. And then bam, no one ever knows I was gone. And it makes no difference whether I do that today, or next week, or next month. So assuming you eventually let me go, then I’m all set there.”

“You say that almost like you don’t care when it happens.”

“I dunno, more like I’m just not losing sleep over it. It’s not like I have a say in the matter. You do. I don’t.”

“Is the time you spend here just meaningless, to you?”

“I wouldn’t say meaningless. I’m still aging goddammit.”

“You’re a ghost.”

“I’m complex.” Phantom flipped right-side-up again. “If I start growing facial hair, send me back. I’m gonna have some awkward questions to answer if I show up again with a ghost beard suddenly.”

“…And what if I never send you back?” Maddie asked, careful with her words. “How does your plan work if you stay here forever? If I destroy you first?”

“Um. …It doesn’t, I guess.” Phantom set a hand to his chin, thinking. “Yeah um, please don’t do that. I don’t wanna worry my whole family like that.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“What part?”

“That you have a family.”

“I mean. I think that came up in Interrogation Session #3. Consult your notes.”

“I just have a hard time believing you.”

“Because I’m a ghost?”

“Yes.”

“I’m a complex ghost.”

“I know. You keep saying that.”

“It’s true.”

Silence filtered in between them.

“…What is your family like, Phantom?”

Phantom stiffened a fraction, his eyes finding Maddie’s and shifting away. “Oh, you know, family.”

“Do they exist here too?”

“Huh?”

“You’re from another reality, at least you’re claiming you are.”

“I gotta be. The me from this reality died 6 months ago, didn’t he?”

“The you from most realities is dead, Phantom. You’re a ghost.”

“A complex ghost.”

“The you from this reality was destroyed 6 months ago.”

“Which you validated with your own sciencey equipment, right? You said so! So you know I’m not lying. Unless you think I recombobulated myself from being a protoplasmic smear on the sidewalk.” Phantom caught himself, registering the flinch in Maddie’s body. He deflated a bit, eyes averted. “S-sorry. Inconsiderate phrasing.”

“Why?” Maddie asked, tone flat, blunt.

Phantom’s eyes shifted back. “Um. Just. You know. That accident was. There were um, you know—”

“Human causalities.”

Phantom squirmed. “We don’t have to talk about that, you know? No one wants to talk about that. Okay as a ghost I guess ‘talking about how I died’ is sort of a bit more normal, but this is weird yeah, ‘talking about how an alternate-me died permanently’? That’s morbid. No one wants to talk about that.”

“Okay then. You can go back to answering my previous question.”

“Um. I forget.”

“Does your family exist in this reality?”

“Um, well who really knows, you know? I had like a grand total of 20 minutes of freedom in this reality before you captured me, so, don’t ask me like I’m any kind of expert about your reality. What’s it matter?”

“I want to know if there’s anyone in this reality who’s mourning you.”

Phantom’s face schismed with surprise. His front dropped, and the first look of genuine emotion sank into his glowing eyes. “Woah… That’s um, weirdly nice, of you, I guess. Why do you… want to know?”

Maddie said nothing.

“I. Um. I think the answer is no? So don’t um. Worry about that. If you were worried? Which is weird. I’m the enemy, aren’t I? Evil spooky ghost to be studied?”

“I’m not so sure what you are…” Maddie answered. “I heard you got destroyed trying to save them.”

“The um… the human casualties?”

“Yes.”

“I said we don’t have to talk about that.”

“Phantom.”

“What?”

“Do you know who they were?”

“The… casualties?”

“Yes.”

“Come on we’re on a different topic now.”

“Do you know who they were?”

“I don’t—how’m I supposed to know? I don’t know how I died here, you know? You think I’ve got some kind of like… parallel-universe death vision?”

“So you don’t know?”

“N-no.”

“I have a different question, then.”

“Okay, good, because I haven’t been liking these previous ones.”

“Are you staying just to keep me company?”

Phantom faltered. He looked left, then right, hand scratching at his chin. “I’m staying because I’m in a ghost-proof box.”

“It’s not ghost-proof anymore. The shields are down.”

“I feel like you’re circling around some accusation I’m not smart enough to follow. This feels like entrapment.”

“Then I’ll be more direct.”

“Oh no there is an accusation.”

“I think you do know how you were destroyed in this universe, Phantom.” Maddie took a step forward, and she let her left hand touch the glass, eyes focused on her fingers. “I think you know what happened at the Nasty Burger.”

“That’s—um—the human food… consumption… location… that the local human adolescents meet at, yes?”

Maddie looked up, and she locked Phantom with her stare. He squirmed, and he relented.

“I um…” he continued. “I—yeah—yeah, okay? I know about the Nasty Burger accident. It was supposed to happen to me too in my reality but I—Clockwork—stopped it from happening in my reality.” Phantom glanced left, right, as if staring beyond the confines of his cage. “When I first got knocked into this reality, I went to go find the Fenton portal so I could try to refind Clockwork and fix this and… Well it wasn’t there. And I tried to find some people I know and… I checked out the library in case the Fentons just lived somewhere else and. I um. I found the articles.” His eyes focused on hers again. “They all say you were the only survivor, yeah…?”

“I was sick, that day. It was just a cold. My husband Jack went without me.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It took my daughter and my son too.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“And it destroyed you.”

Phantom opened his mouth, but no words followed.

Maddie looked up.

“You knew this. You’ve known this ever since I captured you.” Maddie let her hand slide away from the glass. “Did you let me capture you?”

“Why would I let you capture me?”

“Because you feel sorry for me.”

Phantom’s eyes flickered about, unwilling to meet hers. “…Nah. Nah. I don’t—come on ‘sorry’? I’m a ghost you know? Bane of humanity! We’re enemies. You were just too skilled a hunter and you captured me.”

“And yet you won’t leave.”

Phantom lapsed silent.

“I um… I wasn’t happy to read about—to know the, the thing at the Nasty Burger happened here, okay? That’s something that I kinda didn’t want to believe existed in any reality anymore, but I guess… And if you were still alive. I was… maybe just kind of happy to see you? That you were okay. And still hunting. That was kind of, like a small relief.” Phantom glanced away, back again. “I wasn’t evil, you know. In my reality or this one. I care about what happened to the Fentons…”

“You let me capture you. …And you did it because you thought it would be a nice thing for you to do for me.”

“I Just—I thought maybe, um… I mean when you phrase it like that. I mean what else could cheer up renowned ghost hunter Maddie Fenton quite like a ghost subject to study? Me, especially? The ghost boy or public enemy #1 or whatever. I’m fun, aren’t I?”

Silently, Maddie pushed away from Phantom’s cage. She moved to the control panel, stiff movements and numb fingers. She entered the release code into the console, and unslung the key from her neck to twist into the override, and she threw down each successive lever in the row of four lining the top of the mechanisms.

The scrape of glass sliding away sounded behind her. All four walls of Phantom’s enclosure dropped away, metal mesh sliding away piece-meal. Phantom stared at her, blinking, floating in place.

“You’re free to go, Phantom.”

“I—uh—well hang on, I don’t think the Guys In White would be too happy about that. You can’t just let me—”

“Go, Phantom.”

“They could like, fire you.”

“I don’t care about this job.”

“I—come on, you still wanna study me, don’t you? Chat with me? If you feel bad maybe just get me a couch and some video games for my cage then I’ll be—”

“Phantom.”

“What?”

“Go home to your family.”

The half-hearted smile dropped from Phantom’s face.

“Come on. You can’t just evict me on such short notice. I’m not ready for Clockwork to kick my ass so soon.”

“Go home.”

“I’m not in any rush! I like talking to you. Don’t you—don’t you like talking to me too? In like a scientific way?”

Maddie lowered herself into the chair by the control panel. She leaned forward, arms pooled in her lap, eyes to the floor. “You have a family to get back to, Phantom.”

“It’s—there’s time travel shenanigans! Like I said they don’t even know I’m gone.”

“Every single day, Phantom,” Maddie looked up, eyes stern, “…I wish every single day that my own family would just come back home. I won’t do the same to you. I won’t do the same to your family.”

Phantom said nothing. A somber acceptance sunk into his eyes.

“They’re… alive, you know. In my dimension.”

Maddie dropped her head, and she blinked away the wetness in her eyes.

“I actually… in my dimension I’m kind of closer to the Fentons than I think the, the Phantom in this dimension was. It’s… complex.”

Maddie said nothing. Silence built between them.

“Jazz is um… Jazz is applying for colleges, y-you know. She got in early-acceptance to Yale but um, we all—they all—visited Columbia last month and I think that’s what she wants the most. I can see Jazz in New York City. I think she’d rock it.”

Maddie blinked again. Tears plicked into her lap.

“…Should I stop?”

“Jack… Tell me about Jack.”

“Oh. Yeah he um… big and goofy as ever. He’s got some kind of eight-armed-octogun he’s working on. I know because I was his target practice, involuntarily by the way. He keeps trying to merge “Fenton” and “octopus” together with mixed results. We—Mo-addie—you… are still trying to talk him out of ‘Fentoctopus’.”

Maddie’s ribcage shuddered, a repressed sob, a repressed laugh.

“And Danny?”

“Danny… um… Danny is...” Phantom’s shoulders fell a little bit. He looked away, and then back at Maddie. “He loves you. I know that.”

Maddie blinked, and blinked again, and her eyes wouldn’t clear.

“And are they happy?”

“They’re happy.”

“Am I happy…?”

“You’re…” Phantom’s tail bounced. “You’re happy, I think. I like to think so. I think you’re very happy. You have a great family.”

Maddie nodded.

“Now go.”

“But I still—”

Maddie reached forward, and she grabbed the ecto-gun propped against the control panel. She lifted it into her shoulder, and flicked the safety, and the charge built along the rising whine.

“Go.”

Phantom balked. He blinked. He kicked away from his wall-less cage. “Not forever. I’ll be back. You won’t be alone here forever.”

He was gone.

And Maddie was alone again.

…

Clockwork surveyed the boy in front of him whose head was bowed nearly to the floor, white bangs trailing along cobblestone, hands clasped, apologies repeated, begging case made.

Clockwork ran a hand along his beard, which unfurled, drew back, undid itself with the shifting of his form to a simple child.

“So let’s see. You have the audacity to break my rules andbeg me to meddle on your behalf in the time stream, all in the same breath? Apologies don’t usually come with additional requests for favors.”

“I know,” Danny’s head dipped lower. “You can punish me however you want for touching the restricted timelines but you have to help it, or let me help this one timeline. Please, please just send me back to the Nasty Burger incident so I can save it.”

“It’s already been saved.”

Danny faltered. He looked up.

“You died at the Nasty Burger incident that night,” Clockwork elaborated, form shifting older. “There is no you to ruin that future. That timeline is safe. It’s a very lucky timeline.”

Danny blinked. “N-no. No that’s not what I mean. Save it like you saved my timeline.”

“That did happen. You’re describing your own timeline.”

“I mean do it to THAT one.”

“You are misunderstanding timelines.”

Danny lapsed silent. Worry bled into his eyes, and Clockwork sighed.

“There is no undoing timelines, Danny. There is only forking them by meddling in the stream. All futures and pasts you witness exist, and do exist, and continue to exist,” Clockwork paused, “with the exception of realities I needed to cull, to prevent utter catastrophe.” His gaze fixed on Danny. “The futures that your evil self destroyed, I did have to cull. And culling a reality is not to be done lightly.”

Clockwork motioned with his staff. “There were a handful of surviving realities that I was able to save. That room you meddled in without my permission—they contain the realities off the main track where, for one reason or another, something else succeeded at destroying your future self. …Your own deaths, in fact. In every one of those realities, Danny, you are dead.”

“I don’t…” Danny shook his head. “So then just tell me how to save that one I was in, okay?”

“Oh, that’s easy.”

“How?”

“You don’t.”

Danny said nothing. Clockwork shifted young.

“You can let it live on in that room, or you could ask me to cull it, Danny. You could ask me to cull every reality in that room, so that the main branch, the one you’re from, is the only reality in existence. So you never have to worry about any existence where your family is unhappy. And it will be that way until you, or I, or someone else, meddles with the timestreams again, and more splits occur.”

Still, Danny said nothing. Clockwork continued.

“Sometimes, a mass culling of realities is healthy for the tree of time, like pruning a plant down to its stalk to survive an unforgiving winter, or a terrible disease. But I did that, just recently, to save all of time from the blight of your future self. It would feel cruel to snip off the first buds that have come after the frost.”

Danny lowered himself to the floor.

“Okay…”

“Okay?”

He nodded. “Okay. Just. I have a different question then.” He looked up, a young devastation wet in his eyes. “Can I still go back and visit that reality, sometimes?”

“No. I cannot give you permission to do that.”

“Please!”

Clockwork spun his staff. A portal swirled into being in the space between him and Danny. Washes of color formed patterns, shapes, objects, images. Like a mirror, it reflected Clockwork’s lair beyond its shimmering surface.

“This is a portal back into your own reality. It is set to the location and the time that you vanished. Go there, and leave through the Fenton portal, and nothing will be amiss.”

“No. No no I won’t. Clockwork you have to let me—”

“I am doing you a favor, Danny, getting you home after you caused more trouble. Do not make further demands of me.” Clockwork curled forward, old, sallow skin sagging, and he turned his back to Danny.

“You have to give me permission—”

“I am the only one who has permission to meddle in realities, Danny. This is an absolute.” Clockwork glanced over his shoulder. “And because this is an absolute, I have no reason to have a lock on the room housing those budding other realities.”

Danny blinked.

“I wonder if anyone might break my rules anyway. I wonder if anyone might be nosy, and enter that room anyway, and water the plants in that greenhouse without my permission.” Clockwork stared forward again.

“Clockwork…”

“Luckily I am the master of all time. I would be able to see this coming. And maybe plan for it. If ever such a person would come into my lair, and meddle in my timelines, and try to spread a bit of his own kindness to the realities he couldn’t quite save, I would be fully prepared to stop him.” Clockwork spoke into the green abyss beyond him. “Unless, maybe, I were to accidentally have my back turned.”

Silence trailed after Clockwork’s words. He kept his back to Danny, staring into the abyss of swirling green ether beyond.

“…Thank you,” Danny answered, quietly. “I’ll be back.”

“I imagine you will. Those realities may get lonely without you.”

When Clockwork glanced back over his shoulder, both Danny and the portal were gone.

#Danny Phantom #dp #dp fanfiction #me: -writes any kind of interaction between Maddie and Phantom where Maddie has captured Phantom-#me: 'haha sick Phantom of Truth reference'#ANYWAY i got really attached to a terrible what-if #please enjoy

912 notes · View notes

sj0228 · 3 years

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astro notes for fun lol

HEY! this is my first astro observations post so don't be too hard on me lol unless u wanna then sure maybe i can improve them somehow BUTANYWAYZ this is for entertainment purposes only!! obviously these are just my own observations so if they don't resonate with you don't get offended or you're a big ol' 🅱️uss so here they are!! also SHOUTOUT TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS fyi i got sum help from them by asking them billions of questions to confirm my suspicions so uh hope that makes the observations more accurate LOL ANYWAYS HERE THEY ARE!! i'll probably make more in the future cuz i think they're super fun to make :D also if u couldnt tell uhm this isnt very professional im not professional BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT PRETTY so pls dont be bothered lol im just doing this for fun i didnt even wanna make an astro page so yea </3pretty unreliable LMAOOO

👩🏻‍🦲 the house your mars is in is what pisses you off the most!! (eg. 1st - people assuming things about you, 5th - people beating around the bush, 7th - things that disrupt the harmony of your environment, 9th - the need to hold back your opinions because others get bothered by them being "offensive")

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers are true ambiverts and i've truly never ever seen a cancer who wouldn't be both introverted and extroverted at times. they are always either social introverts or quiet extroverts lol. or both!! (somehow 0_0) they enjoy people's attention, whether it's wanting to be noticed or appreciated or generally cared for, and they need their alone time. they tend to be very productive at those times, too.

👩🏻‍🦲 ok i have a lot of notes for cancers so it's gonna be a lot lmao sorry anyways!! i've also noticed they LOVEEE breaking loose every once in a while, if not every time they're given the opportunity! thing is, it's usually only if someone else is there to convince them or do it with them. they don't like taking risks alone! they are very impressed and fond of the 'wild child' persona people because they bring out the cancer's wild side!

👩🏻‍🦲 libra moons are absolutely loved by people, it's so crazy! like, no matter what they do they always have attention on them. this can manifest badly if the moon person is actually pretty horrible, things they do tend to be overlooked and others move on pretty quickly from their mistakes, letting them do whatever they want. i wanted to give an example but uh,,,,, i shall.. refrain😳

👩🏻‍🦲 libra suns with water moons are so scary when they're angry..

👩🏻‍🦲 cancer moon is what i deem as the zodiac sign cute-ifyer lol. literally any "tough" sign like capricorn, scorpio or aquarius becomes a super cute goofball with this moon. WEIRDEST THING EVER THOUGH is that it doesn't work for cancer suns?! like if a cancer sun has a cancer moon this just makes the person very confusing but very funny. they can brighten anybody's day without trying!

👩🏻‍🦲 okay uh this isn't an astro note as much as it is me being a phucken simp but uh..... I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ARIES SUNS I WILL MARRY EVERY EACHAND ONE OF YOU ISTG. ARIES SUNS ARE THE NICEST AND FUNNIEST PEOPEL I'VE EVER SEEN YOU HAVE THE BEST HUMOR EVER AND YOU'RE SO KIND TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE SO KIND I LOVE YOU YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLANET I WANT TO HUG YOU FOREVER okay jbshxhjn but fr aries are the best people ever?!?!?!?!?!?! pls

👩🏻‍🦲 okay JUST SO THIS WHOLE ARIES MENTION ISN'T JUST A POINTLESS LOVE CONFESSION - i've noticed a lot of ♥aries♥ people use the laughing crying face emojis (😂,🤣) unironically and it's honestly.....the best thing ever

👩🏻‍🦲 taurus suns do this sometimes as well

👩🏻‍🦲 THE MOST UNHEALTHY PERCEPTIONS OF ZODIAC SIGNS ARE PUT ON FIRE SIGNS, NOT THE WATER SIGNS AND THIS IS COMING FROM A PISCES!!!!!!1 every stereotype is always showing fire signs as those sunshine of the group people, the baddies, and the ones with the biggest 'idgaf' attitude. and while this can totally be true sometimes, most of the time it's super different! sad fire signs break my heart pls i just wanna hug you guys T-T they have it the hardest because unlike water signs who are already expected to be emotional, they often repress their emotions for the sake of others and because of the fear of betrayal or judgement, or just generally the idea of "it's better to have fake friends than to have zero friends". YOU GUYS PLEASE. cut these people off from your life you deserve soo much better i know it can be super hard to open up for you u just need a hug omg EVERYONE PLEASE CHECK UP ON YOUR FIRE SIGN FRIENDS ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR DAY N STUFF THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU CARING FOR THEM! pls stay best and take care sweethearts ily!!!

👩🏻‍🦲 i've also noticed that some of the signs tend to show their sadness through anger - this is not just astrology though so if your friend has been jumpy lately please just check on them they are probably going thru sth😳 anyways the signs i mostly saw this in are pisces, aries and libra.

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers with feminine moons (earth and water) tend to be pretty introspective. they often think they're the ones being mistreated, and while this of course might be true, in reality it usually goes a lonnng way back lol. they often pay very little attention to others!! (masculine moon sign cancers (fire and air) can often be too focused on others more than themselves) this can be good because they don't snoop in other people's business but oh my god, guys, please pay attention to your friends, too! this WILL lead to lost friendships because, let's be real, nobody wants a one-sided friendship with someone who only cares about themselves! i don't want to target anybody here but this is just a pattern i've noticed wayyyy too often, so you might want to look into it and if you think this is you all you need is just to enlargen your perspective and it will all be okay. but please, PLEASE. think about your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 i needed to get this^ out because people often put this on leo placements but tbh i notice that leo placements are THE MOST generous of the entire zodiac and they always think of others first and that's what really makes them so popular. they very rarely are as egocentric as everybody says, they're just really loving and that makes them very lovable!

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio risings are the prettiest people i've ever seen. not even kidding bruh i could stare at them for EVER their eyes are absolutely gorgeous and their mannerisms are just perfect pls marry me

👩🏻‍🦲 gemini and taurus placements make an individual soooo chill to the point where it often makes them lazy and a biig procrastinator lol. tho i love how they make light of it by using their amazing humor!

👩🏻‍🦲 you most definitely have your IC be one of your family members' sun sign or one of their personal planets. i have a taurus ic and my sister is a taurus sun!

👩🏻‍🦲 sagittarius suns are the best huggers cause THEY REALLY NEED A HUG SO GO HUG THEM RIGHT NOW. pls guys why r u so sad..

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio mars aren't even as sexual as everybody says tbh. but they definitely do have some interesting.....interests ;)

👩🏻‍🦲 pluto aspects to personal planets are very prominent, but very hidden. if you have them, most likely you will be the only person to know about this side of you and it can be pretty dark..

👩🏻‍🦲 planets conjunct your sun will be the people you attract most in your life (venus conjunct sun - taurus and libra, jupiter - sagittarius and pisces, mars - aries and scorpio EVERYWHERE)

👩🏻‍🦲 your moon sign will be the sun sign of most of your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 if you don't quite relate to your ascendant, look at the sign you have in your 3rd house and at your mercury sign. this is how you communicate, convey your ideas etc. and will often be a major factor in people's first impressions of you :)

👩🏻‍🦲 lilith aspecting your sun may mean there's a side of you nobody knows.. 👁👁 you're also probably very convincing and people can be very drawn to you and they can't explain why. this also goes for lilith in 7th, especially in girls!

👩🏻‍🦲 you and your friends probably have each other's sun signs as your personal planets!!

👩🏻‍🦲 the kindest person you know is probably either a virgo or an aries.. and the meanest person you know is also probably a virgo or aries LOL

👩🏻‍🦲 capricorn suns & risings are THE hardest to read!! if they don't say what they mean people will just assume and they're never going to be right it's wild 👩🏻‍🦲 also capricorns definitely have the most dad energy, while sagittariuses are more like actual dads jdbshxcvb

OKAY THAT'S ALL!!!! im sure i have more but its 2 am i have school tomorrow or actually its today now so bye uh anyways there will most likely be more so if u liked these stay tuned!! oh and let me know if they were true witchu :o thats it love u stay awesome and super cool i love u byebye!!

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makeste · 2 years

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Katsuki’s Enneagram Type

this is mostly just to go along with the Deku post since I got all swept up in it now lol.

so if you’re not familiar with the Enneagram System, it’s basically a system of personality classification in the same vein as Myers-Briggs. the key differences from MBTI are as follows:

while MBTI sorts people into sixteen different personality types based on how you recharge emotionally, how you make decisions, and how you perceive the world, Enneagram uses just nine personality types, and the criteria for figuring out one’s personality type is based on uncovering your greatest needs/desires, as well as your greatest fears.

a key aspect of the Enneagram system is the fact that each personality type has different Wings (basically a second/complimentary side to your personality), and different Levels (e.g. it takes into account that we behave in different ways depending on our current emotional state and level of personal growth). so really there are more like 27 personality types, and each type has nine different levels which can vary drastically in terms of how people behave in each one. it all stems from the same place, however -- those same base desires and fears.

the nine types also have a weird relationship chart thing going on where each type shares similarities with other types and the whole thing forms a sort of intricate interconnected pattern lol. I’m not gonna bother getting into that here because it’s not super important, but it is interesting, and that’s basically where the whole “enneagram” name comes from in the first place; it’s this alchemic-looking pattern with the nine types arranged on a circle with little triangles drawn between each one. somehow it all works out, apparently. it’s pseudoscience of course, just like MBTI is, but it’s fun pseudoscience lol.

anyway, so I’ve often found Enneagram to be pretty spot-on in summarizing personalities once you pinpoint a person or character’s type, and Kacchan happens to be a particularly great example of this. it’s seriously one of the most perfect descriptions of his character you’ll ever come across.

THE CHALLENGER Enneagram Type Eight The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Key Motivations: Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief) When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), self-confident Eights suddenly become secretive and fearful at Five. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), lustful, controlling Eights become more open-hearted and caring, like healthy Twos.

the Arrow stuff relates to the relationship chart stuff I was talking about in that third bullet point. type Two just so happens to be Deku’s type, btw. so basically the more that Katsuki grows as a person, the more he’ll continue to take on the best of Deku’s traits. (and conversely, unhealthy Twos often take on some Eight traits, which is absolutely hilarious to me when I think about how Deku takes on Kacchan’s speech patterns and starts cursing people out when he gets especially pissed off lmao.)

anyway so I am just going to more or less copy/paste the entire rest of the type Eight profile underneath the cut while periodically stopping to gush about how well it fits him lol.

Type Eight Overview

We have named personality type Eight “The Challenger” because, of all the types, Eights enjoy taking on challenges themselves as well as giving others opportunities that challenge them to exceed themselves in some way. Eights are charismatic and have the physical and psychological capacities to persuade others to follow them into all kinds of endeavors—from starting a company, to rebuilding a city, to running a household, to waging war, to making peace.

or to fight battles against villains. yeah, pretty much everything here is stuff we’ve known since the Sports Festival if not even earlier than that. charismatic, effortlessly gets people to follow him, and is always looking to climb that next wall.

Eights have enormous willpower and vitality, and they feel most alive when they are exercising these capacities in the world. They use their abundant energy to effect changes in their environment—to “leave their mark" on it—but also to keep the environment, and especially other people, from hurting them and those they care about. At an early age, Eights understand that this requires strength, will, persistence, and endurance—qualities that they develop in themselves and which they look for in others.

determination from an early age, and a desire to become not only a hero, but the greatest hero who ever lived.

Eights do not want to be controlled or to allow others to have power over them (their Basic Fear), whether the power is psychological, sexual, social, or financial. Much of their behavior is involved with making sure that they retain and increase whatever power they have for as long as possible. An Eight may be a general or a gardener, a small businessman or a mogul, the mother of a family or the superior of a religious community. No matter: being “in charge” and leaving their imprint on their sphere is uniquely characteristic of them.

I don’t think I need to add anything to this. being in charge, lol.

Eights are the true “rugged individualists” of the Enneagram. More than any other type, they stand alone. They want to be independent, and resist being indebted to anyone. They often refuse to “give in” to social convention, and they can defy fear, shame, and concern about the consequences of their actions. Although they are usually aware of what people think of them, they do not let the opinions of others sway them. They go about their business with a steely determination that can be awe inspiring, even intimidating to others.

again, not much to add. Katsuki’s insistence on doing everything alone was for a long time the predominant weakness that he needed to overcome. even now he remains very independent, though he’s finally come around to the “teamwork makes the dream work” point of view thanks to his classmates.

Although, to some extent, Eights fear physical harm, far more important is their fear of being disempowered or controlled in some way. Eights are extraordinarily tough and can absorb a great deal of physical punishment without complaint—a double-edged blessing since they often take their health and stamina for granted and overlook the health and well-being of others as well. Yet they are desperately afraid of being hurt emotionally and will use their physical strength to protect their feelings and keep others at a safe emotional distance. Beneath the tough façade is vulnerability, although it has been covered over by layer of emotional armor.

basically the biggest reason why Katsuki had so much trouble wrapping his head around the “save” part of Win And Save was because he was so independent that he couldn’t relate to the idea of other people actually wanting and needing to be rescued. the fact that this paragraph predicts that specific bizarre behavior so casually kind of blows my mind tbh.

and then of course we get to the fear of vulnerability, which I’ve long maintained is at the core of pretty much every single one of Katsuki’s actions. he practically invented emotional distancing, and it’s 100% because of what happened between him and Izuku when they were kids (which was his own dumb fault of course, but even that just goes to show how accurate this actually is). deep down under all those layers of gremlin he is shockingly emotional, possibly the most emotional character in the entire series.

Thus, Eights are often extremely industrious, but at the price of losing emotional contact with many of the people in their lives. Those close to them may become increasingly dissatisfied with this state of affairs, which confounds Eights. (“I don't understand what my family is complaining about. I bust my hump to provide for them. Why are they disappointed with me?”)

When this happens, Eights feel misunderstood and may distance themselves further. In fact, beneath their imposing exterior, Eights often feel hurt and rejected, although this is something they seldom talk about because they have trouble admitting their vulnerability to themselves, let alone to anyone else. Because they fear that they will be rejected (divorced, humiliated, criticized, fired, or harmed in some way), Eights attempt to defend themselves by rejecting others first. The result is that average Eights become blocked in their ability to connect with people or to love since love gives the other power over them, reawakening their Basic Fear.

emotional distancing, trouble admitting vulnerability, fear of being rejected, and misguided attempts to protect themselves from rejection by rejecting others first. someone should just send Katsuki the link to this entire profile so he can read it and come to a few long-overdue realizations about himself. then again he pretty much already has by this point. but he did it the hard way lol.

The more Eights build up their egos in order to protect themselves, the more sensitive they become to any real or imaginary slight to their self-respect, authority, or preeminence. The more they attempt to make themselves impervious to hurt or pain (whether physical or emotional), the more they “shut down” emotionally to become hardened and rock-like.

haaaaaaaaaah?! lol I can’t.

When Eights are emotionally healthy, however, they have a resourceful, “can-do” attitude as well as a steady inner drive. They take the initiative and make things happen with a great passion for life. They are honorable and authoritative—natural leaders who have a solid, commanding presence. Their groundedness gives them abundant “common sense” as well as the ability to be decisive. Eights are willing to “take the heat,” knowing that any decision cannot please everyone. But as much as possible, they want to look after the interests of the people in their charge without playing favorites. They use their talents and fortitude to construct a better world for everyone in their lives.

damned if this doesn’t lay it all out there perfectly though. Katsuki at his best is a passionate, driven person and a natural leader. everything from the emphasis on being honorable to the willingness to take responsibility for unpopular decisions is absolutely spot on.

okay, so the next section is the part with the different levels of development, and I’m going to list these in the reverse order from how they’re listed on the site, because I want to start with the unhealthiest levels and then build up to the healthy ones. we’re about to go on a spectacular journey of character development lol.

Type Eight—Levels of Development

Unhealthy Levels

Level 9: If they get in danger, they may brutally destroy everything that has not conformed to their will rather than surrender to anyone else. Vengeful, barbaric, murderous. Sociopathic tendencies. Generally corresponds to the Antisocial Personality Disorder.

so in Katsuki’s case, the “danger” being referred to is the perceived emotional danger of being hurt and controlled by others, specifically Deku. unfortunately we already know exactly how accurate this description is, because this is exactly what Katsuki did and who he was at the start of the series. he destroyed his and Izuku’s friendship and tried his best to snuff out Izuku himself (or tried to snuff out his spirit at the very least). needless to say it was not pretty. not his finest hour, or his finest decade for that matter.

Level 8: Develop delusional ideas about their power, invincibility, and ability to prevail: megalomania, feeling omnipotent, invulnerable. Recklessly over-extending self.

props to Izuku for putting a stop to this shit almost immediately in chapters 8 through 11 lol. otherwise he might have really become insufferable. thankfully he had that wakeup call by getting beaten so spectacularly, and took that moment and actually learned from it.

Level 7: Defying any attempt to control them, become completely ruthless, dictatorial, "might makes right." The criminal and outlaw, renegade, and con-artist. Hard-hearted, immoral and potentially violent.

again, this attitude thankfully got stomped out very early on in the series. he actually is a surprising stickler for the rules most of the time, although he still bristles at any kind of perceived effort to control him. but his reactions to said efforts have chilled the fuck out, for which we can be grateful.

Average Levels

Level 6: Become highly combative and intimidating to get their way: confrontational, belligerent, creating adversarial relationships. Everything a test of wills, and they will not back down. Use threats and reprisals to get obedience from others, to keep others off balance and insecure. However, unjust treatment makes others fear and resent them, possibly also band together against them.

this is pretty much Katsuki’s baseline from the sludge incident up to Kamino. "creating adversarial relationships” and how, lol. seeing everything as a test or a challenge, and using threats to keep other people off balance. it’s all true sob. this profile truly is coming straight at him and pulling no punches.

Level 5: Begin to dominate their environment, including others: want to feel that others are behind them, supporting their efforts. Swaggering, boastful, forceful, and expansive: the "boss" whose word is law. Proud, egocentric, want to impose their will and vision on everything, not seeing others as equals or treating them with respect.

finally learns how to work with others, but still insists on calling them extras lol. the swagger and pride are probably things he’ll always maintain, but thankfully he actually has learned to treat others as equals at long last. once again, it fucking kills me how impossibly on-the-money these descriptions are though, lol. the boss whose word is law.

Level 4: Self-sufficiency, financial independence, and having enough resources are important concerns: become enterprising, pragmatic, "rugged individualists," wheeler-dealers. Risk-taking, hardworking, denying own emotional needs.

this is probably the least Katsuki-like of all the descriptions, but it still applies; you just have to remove the “business” vibes and insert some pro-hero vibes there instead. basically this is him being capable and hardworking. it even addresses the “denying own emotional needs” part, which is surprising. that’s something Horikoshi hasn’t even gotten to yet (hint hint, Horikoshi, I’m just saying).

Healthy Levels

Level 3: Decisive, authoritative, and commanding: the natural leader others look up to. Take initiative, make things happen: champion people, provider, protective, and honorable, carrying others with their strength.

the Kacchan of chapter 319. ‘nuff said.

Level 2: Self-assertive, self-confident, and strong: have learned to stand up for what they need and want. A resourceful, "can do" attitude and passionate inner drive.

we are getting so close now to what I think Katsuki will have fully become by the end of the series, and what I think he is already well on his way to becoming. this is the Katsuki who has finally overcome all of his doubts and left them all behind. he is literally one meaningful conversation with Deku away from this becoming a reality imo.

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-restrained and magnanimous, merciful and forbearing, mastering self through their self-surrender to a higher authority. Courageous, willing to put self in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision and have a lasting influence. May achieve true heroism and historical greatness.

you can see here where the whole thing with healthy type Eights mirroring type Twos comes into play. willing to put self in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision. chapter 285 anyone?

but yeah. true heroism and historical greatness. again, it’s almost like this was literally written about him, it’s so uncanny. that’s his dream, exactly. and he is more than capable of achieving it as this shows. I don’t think he’s ever going to become a completely sanitized, wholesome role model version of himself lol, but these qualities -- courageous, heroic, and even merciful and magnanimous -- are already things he possesses now. they’re mixed in with all of the ego puffing and thug posturing, but I think we all know that stuff is basically just for show now. this, right here, is Katsuki’s endgame. we literally got to watch him go all the way from level 9 up to level 1 over the course of the series, and that’s fucking incredible.

I’m gonna end this post with the “personal growth recommendations” section, which I skipped over in the Deku post, but which I can’t bring myself to do in this one because I started reading them and gave myself an extreme case of feels lol.

Personal Growth Recommendations for Enneagram Type Eights

- It goes against the grain, but act with self-restraint. You show true power when you forbear from asserting your will with others, even when you could. Your real power lies in your ability to inspire and uplift people. You are at your best when you take charge and help everyone through a crisis. Few will take advantage of you when you are caring, and you will do more to secure the loyalty and devotion of others by showing the greatness of your heart than you ever could by displays of raw power.

- It is difficult for Eights, but learn to yield to others, at least occasionally. Often, little is really at stake, and you can allow others to have their way without fear of sacrificing your power, or your real needs. The desire to dominate everyone all the time is a sign that your ego is beginning to inflate—a danger signal that more serious conflicts with others are inevitable.

- Remember that the world is not against you. Many people in your life care about you and look up to you, but when you are in your fixation, you do not make this easy for them. Let in the affection that is available. Doing this will not make you weak, but will confirm the strength and support in yourself and your life. Also remember that by believing that others are against you and reacting against them, you tend to alienate them and confirm your own fears. Take stock of the people who truly are on your side, and let them know how important they are to you.

I love this kid so fucking much you guys.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha meta #bakugou meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #lengthy post #post of considerable length #look at what tumblr's recent nonsense has reduced me to lol

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buckyownsmylife · 3 years

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Diving Bell - Andy Barber smut

The one where Andy has been a patient librarian, but now that you’ve accepted his advances...

Warnings: smut, breeding kink, dubcon, (andy pushes the relationship into boundaries that weren’t previously consented), age gap, (reader is over eighteen and in college), semi-public sex, somewhat of an exhibitionism kink, oral (f), andy’s definitely dark but reader is generally into it, she just doesn’t know what “it” will be, dirty talk

Word count: 3k<

A/N: this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them, instead of on Thursdays, which are my usual one-shot posting days. Hope you guys like it!

Reader’s P.O.V.

My face burned and I wondered how I hadn’t spontaneously combusted from how hot I felt under the hot new librarian’s gaze. Sure, the girls had warned me about it - I’d hear so much about him, in fact, that I was sure I’d be disappointed when I actually did manage to meet him.

Boy, was I wrong.

He was the definition of daddy, luscious beard and hair just begging to be pulled and I could feel the burn his jaw would leave behind if he deposited kisses down my neck - or better yet, on the insides of my thighs - but he was at least twenty years older than me.

There was absolutely no way I’d ever catch his attention. Not when so many girls had tried to get in his pants - girls hotter than me - and had failed miserably, as I’d been told time and time again from the very same seductresses.

So I saw absolutely no point in trying. Although, one could very well admire, right? Also, fantasize couldn’t do any harm, not even to my extremely vulnerable pride. It’s not like I could control it, anyway.

But another thing I couldn’t control was his effect on me. The way my whole body warmed up when I felt his eyes on it, how I couldn’t immediately focus on his words whenever he addressed me. I even stopped coming to the library to study because 1) I couldn’t concentrate with him around and 2) his presence had brought a whole new wave of first-time library users, and seeing as their interests weren’t on the actual books, they tended to be extremely loud.

Once essays started to get assigned though, there wasn’t much I could do. I had to get back to the library, and so I chose to go when it was already dark, hoping he wouldn’t pick up that shift, and knowing most frat girls would be at an impromptu Thursday-night party to celebrate (once again) the start of classes.

I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just throw a party for the sake of partying. Did they have to reuse the same excuse, over and over again? It’s not like anyone cared. I certainly didn’t, and the people who went for the free beer didn’t care about anything just as long as the alcohol kept flowing.

“What are you doing here?” His voice startled me, almost making me drop the pile of books I’d been gathering. Even though there was no way I’d confuse him with someone else, I still looked over my shoulder to make sure it was really him, that he was actually there, staring at me with those caring warm brown eyes.

“S-should I be anywhere else?” I tried to sass, even if my own voice gave me away. He chuckled though, extending a hand to help me with the load in my arms, and although I hesitated for a second, I ended up accepting his help. It was his job, after all. This couldn’t really be considered flirting, right?

“I don’t know. I’ve heard about this party tonight, figured you’d be there.” Frowning, I finally turned to stare at him directly in the eyes, almost immediately regretting my decision. Damn, he looked good.

“How do you know about the party?” I asked, and his lips immediately curled up, trying to contain a smile from stretching over his face.

“Some girls may or may not have invited me to meet them there.” Clicking my tongue, I decided to look back at the bookshelf, instead of paying him any more attention.

“Why? Are you jealous?” The question felt too much like something a fuckboy my age might ask me at a party, not a forty-year-old man who worked a full-time job. When I turned to look at him again, eyebrows raised high, he chuckled.

“Sorry, that’s not usually my style… I’m just at a loss of ways to get you to notice me, that’s all.” Well, now I was beyond shocked.

“Why do you want me to notice you?” I asked, utterly confused, but Andy just laughed, shaking his head at me like he was profoundly amused by my ways.

“I always notice when you’re around. Even worse, I always notice when you aren’t.” And then, as he looked around like he wanted to make sure other people wouldn’t hear him, he leaned over me and confessed, “It gets pretty lonely here without you.”

The accompanying wink almost gave me a heart attack. Stuttering out something even though I didn’t know what to say, I moved away from the bookshelf in search of the nearest table, finding it thankfully empty.

When I turned around to look for him again, he was right by my side.

“I don’t get it,” I managed to admit once my arms were book-free. “We’ve talked like twice. You helped me find books, I acted like a fool. You weren’t supposed to flirt with me, why aren’t you interested in the college girls who actually hit on you?”

He raised his eyebrows before frowning, hands deep in his pockets as he stared down at me in all of his height. “Have you ever considered… that I just don’t want them?”

The insinuation stirred something deep inside of me, leaving me flushed and overall a mess. Stumbling out an apology, I gathered my stuff and left as quickly as possible, determined to process what had happened that evening by myself, so it could actually feel real and I could decide what to do from then on.

But something changed ever since that evening. I stopped trying to run away from him and started to actively go to the library in the times I knew he was there, at first still avoiding him and looking away every time he caught me staring, silently grateful that he didn’t try to force me to open up to him.

His patience was rewarded when in a few weeks, I began to talk to him again. Asking him for book recommendations, never anything other than what was strictly related to his job, but the way his eyes glinted knowingly at me warned me that he did understand where my mind was at.

It didn’t take long for him to start flirting with me, and from then on, I slowly accepted his advances and even began to eagerly wait for them.

I smiled widely when I heard his low whistle, admiring the way he looked in that comfortable sweater as he put away the books he was holding to fully give me all of his attention.

“Well, don’t you look incredible?” He asked as I twirled so he could fully see the dress I’d put on just for him. “Did you dress up for me, pretty girl? Because I like to think that you did.”

Biting my lower lip, I tried to gather the courage I’d been trying to build up all week, before finally nodding and admitting, “Yes, I did.” From the stupefied look on his face, it didn’t seem like he was expecting that. Even worse, I wasn’t expecting the outcome of my little attempt to flirt back.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” And that was all the warning I got before his hands cradled my face and he took my mouth in his, kissing me breathless, leaving me aching and soaked when he finally released me.

I was panting by the time he let go of my lips, and he smiled softly at me as he brushed over my cheekbones, saying, “You know… if you ever need anything… You know I’m always here to help.”

Andy’s P.O.V.

“So, what brings you here tonight?” My own smile denounced just how much of her intentions I already knew, from how well I knew her. Her late-night visits to the library had become more and more frequent, and I couldn’t say that I hated it.

“I don’t know,” she feigned nonchalance, shrugging while perusing the bookshelves before looking back at me from over her shoulder. “The hot new librarian in charge of the night shift has told me he was always available to help me with anything I needed, and I’ve been needing a distraction.”

My chuckle was low, in order not to interrupt the few students still trying to finish whatever assignment they were working on, but she heard it. I watched as she shivered at the sound of my voice, prompting me to lick my lips at the powerful reaction I could so easily elicit from her.

“You didn’t use to be so blunt,” I teased, remembering how she used to come in here looking for me, only to run away at the last second. It was adorable. Ever since I started working at this university, it wasn’t unusual for college girls to come in groups and watch me from a distance, their giggles whenever I glanced at them unmistakable in the almost completely silent environment. Eventually, one or two would always break away from the group and try to flirt while their friends became a captive audience, but I was quick to shut them down.

They weren’t the one I wanted. She was standing in front of me now, pretending to be interested in a random book, biting her lower lip to keep a smile from spreading over her face. “Do you miss it?”

There was something undeniably attractive by her shyness back then, her inability to ask me for information or even sustain my gaze, but now that I knew what it was like to have her meet my eyes, now that I’d had the luxury of hearing her speak, of getting to know the intricacies of her mind, how could I miss what was, back then, a stranger?

“Not at all.” Her laughter, even subdued because of the place we were in, was enough to have my stomach doing backflips. I had to smile, instinctively getting closer to her, just like a moth, drawn to a flame.

“I want to do dirty, dirty things to you,” I admitted, one hand on the back of her head as I pressed her against the bookshelf, my lips just over her ear as my beard undoubtedly tickled her neck. “Can’t very well protect my soul if I’m still thinking about you as an innocent little thing, now can I?”

Her eyes dropped down to my lips before meeting mine again, and just like that, I had all the authorization I needed to connect our lips and kiss her breathless. Humming in delight against her quiet neediness, her eagerness to open her lips, welcome my tongue with hers, I blindly moved us further towards the back of the library, relaxed in the knowledge that amongst taxidermia books no one would come to check on us.

Not that I cared all that much if they did.

“Hm… Want me, sweetheart?” I pressed, needing to hear her say it, taking sick pleasure in knowing this came from her, this was her own desire. She almost didn’t answer me, eyelids heavily pressing her eyes closed when our mouths parted, but in the absence of my touch on her, she jolted.

“Yeah, I do! I do, I do…” She insisted, pressing herself against me, feeling just how badly I wanted her too. It made her gasp, witnessing how hard she had made me - she didn’t know it yet, but it’d been this way ever since the first day.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” I whispered, just to see the way goosebumps took over her flesh while I got rid of her underwear, moving us towards an empty table where I could lay her out to take.

“No, I don’t want you to stop,” she moaned when she saw me leaning over to kiss between her legs, eyes still connected to hers until she closed them to throw her head back, overtaken by the sensation of my warm tongue slipping between her folds. It was better that way, she wouldn’t see the dangerous smirk that denounced that she would come to regret her words before I was done with her.

She tasted just as sweet as I always imagined her to. So wet already, it was clear she was desperate for me. The cock straining against my pants reminded me I couldn’t be too cocky about it - I wanted her just as badly.

“C’mon, honey…” I teased, dipping my tongue in her hole as my thumb frantically rubbed her tiny clit. “Give me more, I want more.” I needed her to cum before I could shove my cock into her. It was important.

The sudden tension of her thighs denounced the arrival of her orgasm, and where usually I’d love nothing more than to keep licking her, delighting myself with her taste and overstimulating her sweet body until she was crying, there was only so much I could take tonight.

“There you go,” I complimented when she easily succumbed to my directions, having turned her around and laid her with her stomach on the table, legs dangling off of it. “Want to feel me now, pretty girl? Want me to fill you now?”

Her answer was a whine as her hips searched for mine. She was offering herself to me, the innocent little thing. Didn’t know I’d take her regardless of it.

I had the instinct of slapping my hand over her mouth as I penetrated her, and so her moan came out muffled. I could still understand a breathless, “so good…” being uttered against my palm, and it only made me bite down on my lip harder, so my own sounds wouldn’t reverberate across the silent library.

It was a twisted kind of pleasure to hold her arms back as I fucked her roughly but as silently as possible, trying not to make the table squeak so it wouldn’t draw attention to us. Even though I didn’t particularly care if someone did find us - I wouldn’t stop fucking her if God himself tried to intervene - I’d prefer to reach my goal without unwanted interferances.

So I was glad she didn’t seem to mind the fact that anyone could easily look our way and see us fucking. Had I really tempted her that much, that she would let me do whatever I wanted to her body, just as long as I fucked her?

Guess I was about to find out.

“Do you know how many times I masturbated in the back room, thinking about this sweet pussy?” I asked, voice raspy with desire as I kept jackhammering her as quietly as possible, but probably failing to do so in the midst of my arousal. “To think I finally have it now, wrapped around my dick…” My voice faltered as I realized all of my dreams were about to come true, right at that moment.

“Can’t wait to fuck my cum back into you, sweetheart. I’m gonna keep you so full from now on.” I felt her body tense underneath my fingers as she processed my words, but it was too late for her now. My hand still over her mouth, I stopped her from screaming or fighting me in any way.

“Just relax, honey. Doesn’t it feel so good?” I mocked, fucking her harder and harder as my control slipped from me. “It feels good for me, too. So now you’ll have to take it.”

Reaching around for her clit, I started rubbing it in quick little motions, desperate to feel her cunt clenching around me once more, milking my cum.

“C’mon, pretty girl. Cum again for me. Let me keep making you feel good as you do the same for me.” Her orgasm had her legs raising between mine, right when I started to spill inside of her, my eyes rolling to the back of my head. Once I was sure she wouldn’t scream, I took my hand away and pushed her back against the desk, massaging her ass eagerly, hoping it would take.

“You’ll look so good all round with my child.” Once I pulled my cock from her, I made sure to adjust her underwear so it would stop my cum from flowing, massaging the damp tissue with a smug expression.

She managed to turn around in my embrace, blinking confusedly, mouth opening and closing as if she couldn’t quite figure out what she wanted to say, and I cooed at her adorableness.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take good care of you and the little one.” I rubbed my hand over where she would soon grow, licking my lips at the mental image of her pregnant. God, why did that make me so hard?

“You can trust me,” I assured her, pulling her closer to I could kiss her forehead, before adjusting her body so it rested on mine. I knew there were tears rolling down her cheeks, but it was just from her coming down from the adrenaline high. She wanted this. She just needed to be able to think clearly to see just how perfect this would be. “We’ll be so happy together.”

#tw dubcon #My 2k challenge #my fics #andy barber smut #librarian au #andy barber #smut #andy barber x reader #andy barber reader #andy barber reader insert #andy barber reader inserts #andy barber x y/n #andy barber x you

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cherienymphe · 4 years

Text

xoxo (Peter Parker x Reader)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, roofie use, Stark!Peter, snobby rich people, Peter’s an ass (I believe @opheliadawnwalker3 coined the term “baby Ransom”)

DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU

➥ {page breaks done by @whimsicalrogers}

summary: Peter Stark, the adopted son of the playboy philanthropist Tony Stark, has been a pain in your ass for years. Ever the womanizer, you always brushed off his flirtatious behavior as part of his personality, unaware of just how deeply his feelings ran.

You leaned against the bar with a grimace, nursing the strong drink in your hand as the annoying sound of high-pitched laughs and fake compliments drifted up from downstairs, swirling around you. You glanced over your shoulder to look down at the rest of the guests before rolling your eyes at this soiree that was nothing more than a pissing contest for the rich and snooty.

You truly hated being the daughter of a wealthy CEO more often than not. You’d grown up with the kind of lifestyle that more than half the world would never taste, ignorant to not only reality, but the true inner workings of the business that funded your lifestyle. It wasn’t until your junior year of high school when the rug was ripped out from underneath you, exposing the dark truth.

Now, you detested everything about this lifestyle. From the preferential treatment to the fancy parties, you hated everything that came with it. Despite the fact that you were an adult now, your father still had an iron grip on you no matter how much you pretended he didn’t. It was why instead of going on a humanitarian trip with some friends from college for winter break, you were back in the big apple, the upper east side to be exact, surrounded by a bunch of brownnosers.

“Another please,” you murmured, setting your empty glass down onto the bar.

The bartender was quick in giving you a refill, but before the glass met your lips, a finger slid in between to gently push it away. A sigh escaped you before you even turned your head, the familiar smell of his cologne reaching your nose.

“You’re always off by yourself at these little gatherings…”

You turned towards the voice, eyes meeting his dark ones as a playful smirk danced along his pink lips. His brown hair was neatly pushed away from his face, suit fitting him to perfection. He looked so put together and very much like a gentleman. Too bad that you knew better.

“Someone like me might take it as an invitation to approach you.”

You fully turned in your seat, leaning your elbow on the bar to gaze at him, unimpressed, cheek resting on your hand. He too was leaning on the bar, signaling for the bartender to get him a drink, already sliding into the seat in front of you. You could’ve protested, but he wouldn’t listen anyway.

Peter Stark was the bane of your existence. Adopted by the great Tony Stark when he was just a toddler, a big ordeal that made the papers apparently, the dark-haired male grew up in the same environment you did. The same circles. You went to the best schools together, often times having the same batch of friends. He always had the teachers and just about every other adult fooled, but everyone else knew better.

Peter’s charm was notorious. Those soft brown eyes and boyish good looks could have any girl swooning at his feet. He was so good that most girls didn’t even mind being one of the many. As long as they were a number, they didn’t care. Let them tell it, he had a way of making every single one of them feel special. You probably would’ve been one of them had you not seen his behavior firsthand all those years ago. How he’d tell one girl one thing and say something completely different to the next.

Peter’s constant flirtations with you and your absolute refusal to ever even entertain him had made your relationship…interesting. Could you even call yourselves friends? He flirted with you, and you rolled your eyes at his antics. That was the gist of it. His behavior had only gotten worse once you’d denounced this lifestyle the minute you left for college, a non-Ivy League college at that.

You remembered the surprise you felt that Peter had seemed to be genuinely upset with the 180 you’d done with your lifestyle. You had rolled your eyes as he’d called you all sorts of ‘wannabe’ this and ‘wannabe’ that, biting your tongue as he insulted your ‘low rate school’. Even now, after a little over 2 years, he still sneered whenever he brought up your new life.

“Color me shocked you even showed up today. Last I heard you were going to build houses for children,” he said, nursing his drink.

You smirked at him, fighting back a laugh.

“Last you heard? Keeping tabs on me, Stark?”

He returned your smirk, dark eyes trailing over you, gaze lingering on whatever skin your short dress exposed. You weren’t fazed by his conspicuous onceover, more than used to it.

“Of course. I have to make sure my best girl stays out of trouble,” he told you, leaning in.

You scoffed, looking away from him as you downed your drink.

“Your best girl,” you dryly repeated, standing. “Yeah, okay.”

Peter hurried to stand with you, whistling at the bartender as you walked away. It wasn’t long before you felt his arm being thrown over your shoulder as he pulled you against him. He waved an expensive bottle of champagne in your face as he walked down the hall with you.

“You may have switched up and hate me now-.”

“I’ve always hated you,” you deadpanned.

“…but you can’t deny that I know how to throw a party within a party,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard you. “Ned and I are having a little get together in the penthouse suite.”

He wasn’t wrong, and you sighed as you thought about how angry you’d been to be forced back home for the break instead of doing what you wanted to do. You could honestly use the distraction, at least for a little while until you had to be in your father’s presence again. You sighed again, and by the grin on Peter’s lips, you knew that he knew that he had you.

“Fine. Lead the way,” you said with a flourish.

His grin widened, and he pulled you closer as he took you to the elevator. You leaned against the mirrored wall once inside, staring at your reflection with a frown.

“You shouldn’t frown so much,” he said, pressing the button. “It’ll give you premature wrinkles.”

“Why are you so concerned with how I age?”

He unbuttoned his suit jacket, approaching you as he swung the bottle of champagne in his hand.

“I want you to age as gracefully as me when we get married,” he teased, pressing his free hand onto the wall beside your head.

You laughed, shaking your head.

“I’d never marry you, and you… Well, you’d never get married,” you said with a shrug, shaking your head.

His grin dimmed a bit as his eyes met yours.

“I’d marry you,” he murmured.

You rolled your eyes, head leaning back against the wall as he moved closer, pressing his forearm to the wall, face suddenly serious as he eyed you. It was his turn to sigh now, the sound heavy and drawn out.

“When…are you and I finally going to get together?” he slowly asked, voice low in the quiet elevator.

Your eyes widened just a tad, nose brushing his as he leaned in. Peter hadn’t asked you that for some time now. It was a recurring question of his that you always brushed off, and even though this time was no different, something in his voice made you blink. There was a yearning that had never been there before. Something new lingering in his eyes.

You laid your hand on his chest, pushing him away, and he let you.

“Seriously, Peter? You know the answer to that question,” you said.

He huffed, his grin returning as he shook your rejection off.

“You know I always have to ask…just in case you change your mind,” he replied, quickly scanning your frame.

The elevator dinged, and the doors parted behind him, the low hum of a small party reaching your ears.

“I’m never going to change my mind.”

Without a second glance, you brushed past him to exit the elevator.

“You need to start getting serious about your future, Y/N.”

You stared out of the tinted window, watching the city fly by as your father’s car weaved in and out of traffic. He was giving you yet another lecture on what he thought you should be doing with your future. After all, it wasn’t like you had already decided on a major and knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life, so you could understand his- oh. Wait… You had!

“Dad,” you sighed. “We’ve talked about this.”

“Humanities isn’t a real major,” he argued for the umpteenth time, tone laced with contempt.

You cut in before he could continue.

“First of all, it is. Second of all, it’s my minor-.”

“Oh, of course. How silly of me to forget that- what is it? International relations? That’s the major, right?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, shaking your head.

“You know, I’ll never understand you kids. So fickle with your goals-.”

“Dad, I’ve had the same plan since before I even went to college. You can’t call it fickle just because at 17 I told you I didn’t want to follow in your footsteps. I’ve known what I wanted since then. Its literally the opposite of fickle,” you huffed.

You heard him sigh.

“I don’t understand what happened here, Y/N. I really don’t. Ever since you were little, you wanted to follow in my footsteps-.”

“…and now I don’t. Things happen,” you told him. “I don’t want anything to do with this lifestyle.”

You’d told him this a hundred times. You were so tired of having the same discussion, and you knew that he was too.

“Why can’t you be more like Peter?”

You frowned, finally looking over at him. This was a new tactic. The older man had his eyes focused on the paper as he continued to speak.

“He’s following behind Tony swimmingly, a real successor in the making,” he praised.

You fought the urge to groan and sink down in your seat like a child. Never in your wildest dreams did you think your father would be comparing you to Peter Stark of all people.

“You’re comparing me to Peter now?” you scoffed.

The paper ruffled as he turned it, humming.

“I’m just noting that the two of you came up together, but you somehow deviated so far off track.”

“Well, since you love Peter so much, just pass the company onto him when the time comes. God knows he’ll appreciate it way more than I will,” you grumbled.

Your father hummed at that.

“I actually have hopes that, in some way, the company will be his one day,” he replied.

Your brows furrowed, confusion filling you as you fought to understand what he meant. Your father’s eyes finally met yours, a serious look on his face.

“Peter’s exactly the kind of man you should be considering when you finally get ready to get married.”

Shock poured over you like a bucket of ice water, his words having been the last thing you expected to hear. Marriage? Peter? You blinked a few times, fighting to clear your head enough to articulate what you were thinking.

“You…you can’t be serious…?”

He fixed you with a stern look.

“As a heart attack. What is there to oppose? Peter is young and handsome and well brought up. He’ll be taking over after Tony one day, and you really can’t do much better than that. Unless you’re aiming to be the next Meghan Markle, but no offense sweetheart, you don’t strike me as the type,” he elaborated.

You pressed your hand to your forehead as your mind spun.

“I’m not telling you to marry him or anything. I’d never go so far to participate in something as archaic as an arranged marriage. I’m just telling you to consider it. He’s a good match for you, and I’d like you to be open to it…”

You couldn’t begin to believe how sharply this morning had turned.

“It’s why you’ll be seeing a lot more of him over the break. Just keep it in mind when we meet with them,” he said.

He must have noted the confusion on your face because he continued.

“We’re meeting them for brunch. Tony wants to run his latest idea by me, and we figured it would give you and Peter more time to catch up,” he explained.

The car had finally stopped just as he finished, and you didn’t have time to process anything before you were being ushered out of the car. The brisk air whipped around you as you followed your father into the fancy restaurant.

Your father wanted you to marry Peter? The idea was so absurd that you actually considered the possibility that your father was playing a joke on you. You felt like you were having an out of body experience as you and your father sat down, you across from Peter. As always, he looked absolutely tickled to see you, while you simply returned his grin with a withering stare.

Brunch was a taxing affair. Tony Stark greeted you as politely as he always did before he and your father got right down to business. That left you and Peter with no one but each other to look at. You did your best to ignore the annoying brunette sitting across from you, barely speaking with him no matter how many times he tried to engage you in conversation.

You supposed that your behavior towards Peter was a bit unfair. After all, it wasn’t his fault that your father wanted you to marry him. Although, as you thought back to your conversation in the elevator the other day, you had to wonder if he knew, or at the very least, had some idea. And that was exactly what you asked him once you were alone.

Your father and Tony had gone back to Tony’s office in a hurry to remedy some oversight that had been missed. You’d been left with your father’s car and driver, and you eyed Peter, waiting for his answer, as you made your way outside.

“Not really, no.”

You slid into the backseat, thanking the driver before scooting as far away from Peter as possible as he joined you.

“Not really or no? Those are two different answers,” you told him.

A smirk danced along his lips as he leaned his head back, turning it ever so slightly to gaze at you out of the corner of his eye.

“I had an idea. The great Mr. Y/L/N never came outright and said it, but little things he’d say here and there started to add up,” he explained with a chuckle.

He apparently found this funny while you did not. You crossed your arms over your chest, anger bubbling within you at the thought of your father playing matchmaker behind your back. Peter reached for your hand, attempting to pull it away from your chest, but you jerked it away as soon as his fingers brushed yours. He sucked his teeth.

“Come on. Would marrying me really be so bad?”

You turned to fully face him, not a hint of humor on your face.

“Yes,” you answered, voice steady with conviction.

He simply rolled his eyes, lips twitching, and you shook your head with a scoff.

“Is your father in on this too? God, I bet Tony Stark is just eating this up,” you complained.

The tone of Peter’s chuckle gave you pause, and you eyed him as he grinned at you.

“Quite the opposite actually…”

You frowned, and God help you, because you found yourself…offended.

“He thinks I’m not good enough for you or something?” you questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

You didn’t want to marry Peter, but you knew that you were more than good enough for a guy like him. The truth was that Peter wasn’t good enough for you. He shook his head, picking at a piece of lint on your shoulder as he hummed.

“No actually. In fact, he’d dare say that you are out of my league, and I’d be forced to agree,” he told you with a shrug. “He thinks you’re too much of a ‘wild card’.”

Now it was your turn to chuckle, nodding as you understood what that meant.

“I see. So he wants you to marry a meek and submissive little thing who will do everything you say and conform to the Stark image. Got it,” you replied with a smirk.

He returned it, finger trailing along your collarbone now as he eyed you.

“He thinks that you march to the beat of your own drum…and you do…,” he said, smirk growing as his gaze met yours. “…but I think I can handle you just fine.”

You slapped his hand away, disgust filling you just as the car stopped.

“We’re at your place. Get out,” you sneered, looking away from him.

“Care to join me? No one’s home…we’ll have the whole place to ourselves…”

You opted for ignoring him and the way his voice lowered, the hidden meaning in his question loud and clear. When some time passed, he finally sighed, and you heard the car door open. When it didn’t close, you turned to see Peter standing outside, one hand pressed onto the top of the car door while the other rested on the hood of the car as he leaned down.

A dark strand fell out of place and brushed along his forehead, dark eyes somehow darker as he trailed them over your tense form. His smirk slowly fell, and you blinked at the less than humorous expression on his face. You could count the number of times on one hand that you’d seen Peter so serious.

“You really shouldn’t try so hard to show your dislike for me…”

You frowned at him, and the corner of his mouth curved upwards just a tad.

“…someone might think you’re playing hard to get.”

Before you could process that, he’d closed the door. He didn’t go inside right away, instead opting for standing on the curb to watch your father’s car drive away.

When your father said that you’d be seeing a lot more of Peter over the break, you underestimated just how determined the old man was to get you and the Stark heir together. Every innocent gathering turned into a run-in with Tony and his wife, Pepper, and Peter. Whether it was brunch or dinner or a shopping trip. Hell, even an innocent day at the park had you coming face to face with who you now liked to refer to as ‘the pain in your ass’.

Had you known that this is what your winter break would entail, you would have fought tooth and nail with your father on it. You felt like this was such a waste of time, one big joke that you’d walked into and you were the punchline. You had no idea how much worse it could get.

You were currently in the hallway of the home that belonged to none other than the Starks. You were killing time by fleetingly looking at the artwork that was hung up on the dark walls, a half empty glass of some brown liquor in your hand. You could hear the voices of Tony, Pepper, and your father drifting to you from the lounge, and you rolled your eyes.

When your father had told you that you’d be joining them for dinner, you thought it’d be in their apartment in the city. Some place that you could easily escape if need be. You never would have agreed if you’d known you’d be in upstate New York hours later, conversing with them in one of their many secluded vacation houses. Dinner was long over, and you had no desire to be privy to anymore of their business talk. Peter had scurried off to only God knows where, and you couldn’t be bothered to care.

Perhaps you should have.

Your mood soured even further as you felt an arm slide over your shoulders to curl around your neck, pulling you back into a firm chest. Peter hummed, and you sighed. The story of your lives.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” he wondered, gesturing to the painting. “I picked it out. I thought it would brighten the place up a bit.”

You threw his arm off of you, and he chuckled.

“Don’t look so glum, Y/N. The grownups are knee deep into stock market talk, which means they won’t even think about us for another hour at the least…”

You looked to the ceiling as he slipped an arm around your waist, praying for some higher power to strike you down. Or him. You’d be happy either way.

“Surely we can find some way to keep ourselves occupied,” he murmured.

You turned to face him and turned your head again just in time for his lips to brush the skin of your cheek. You pushed yourself away from him with a frown, backing up until your back rested against the opposite wall.

“Whatever happened to MJ?” you suddenly asked him, a faint smile on your lips as you took a sip of your drink.

Peter smirked, leaning against the other wall as he stared you down, raising an eyebrow at you, dark suit hugging him nicely.

“Keeping tabs on me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Hardly,” you snorted. “My father likes to bring up you and your personal life every chance he gets. Of course, now I know why. I was shocked to find out that you had a girl in your life who stuck around for more than two months.”

“She was too much like you,” he dismissively said. “She wanted to travel and see the world and make a difference. There’s only room for one girl like that in my life. Anything more, and things would start to get a little…dull.”

You hummed, pushing away from the wall to walk past him. Peter followed, and your mind spun.

“What exactly are you going to do when I finally meet a nice guy to get serious with? Surely, this behavior can’t go on forever, Peter,” you wondered.

He grabbed your elbow and gently pushed you into the wall. His other hand was beside your head, dark eyes narrowed and inquiring. You sharply inhaled, unintentionally breathing in the scent of him, and you blinked.

“What nice guy could you possibly meet at that sad excuse of a school you call-?”

“I don’t know how to break it to you that an Ivy League education isn’t exactly the picture of intelligence you think it is,” you sneered at him.

His own face grew taut as he glared at you, tilting his head to the side.

“Is that why you turned down your acceptance to Princeton? To prove some silly point?”

“For your information, Peter, I turned down my acceptance because I learned that the main reason I got in was because of my father.”

“So what? What is the point of our parents working their asses off for years if not to give us the opportunities they didn’t have growing up? When are you going to drop this holier-than-thou wannabe Mother Teresa act?”

“It’s not an act,” you spat, shoving him away from you. “This world? This way of life and everything that comes with it? I hate it. I despise everything about it. Its sickening that we live like we do while people down the street struggle to keep a roof over their heads. What is it to you, anyway?”

Peter ran his hand through his hair, huffing as he stared you down.

“You and me?” he started, gesturing between the two of you, his other hand on his hip. “We could’ve been unstoppable together. We were supposed to go to Princeton together. We were supposed to leave our mark on that campus together, create a legacy, and make a name for ourselves on our own, and instead I’m doing that by myself while you go off galivanting down south-.”

“Is that what this is about?” you demanded, incredulity filling your voice. “…some fantasy in your mind that we’d be some power couple who’d go on to take over after our fathers and rule the upper east side? Seriously? That’s a new one, even for you.”

Peter’s jaw clenched as he glared at you, nostrils flaring as he ran his eyes over you with the nastiest look you’d ever seen on his boyish face.

“You can run all you like…reinvent yourself all you want…”

His voice lowered as he approached you, and you stood your ground, glowering at him.

“…but you will never escape this life,” he threw at you, and you flinched at his harsh tone.

“That may be true…but I can still try,” you whispered.

The corner of his lips lifted into a mocking smirk.

“Try all you want. Hell, jump into a relationship with the next guy you have some anthropology project with for all I care. We both know that the only guy to give you the life you deserve…to give you what you need…”

He reached to fix a stray hair that had come out of place, smirk smug and eyes smugger.

“…is a guy like me.”

You stumbled away from him with a frown, arms folded over your chest.

“Screw you, Peter.”

You turned away from him to go find your father.

Peter had always been an annoying thorn in your side, but his behavior tonight had reached new heights. It amazed you, really, how far he was willing to go just to finally get you into bed. He had never had any problem being an asshole, but there was a shift in him tonight. His tone was harsher, words meaner, eyes just a tad bit icier than normal. In fact, it almost seemed like it wasn’t his usual cruel teasing.

When you finally neared the lounge, you frowned at the words that reached you.

“She’ll probably be a bit bitter about it at first, but I’m sure Y/N will grow to love it. This will be an amazing opportunity for her.”

You recognized your father’s voice, and you slowed just before finally entering, listening in.

“I was surprised to hear that she’s transferring, which is why I had never initially considered her for the internship. I was under the impression that she wouldn’t be here to do it.”

Your frown deepened at Tony Stark’s words, a sinking feeling in your gut, and although you wanted to hear more, something in you prevented you from staying still and doing so. You stepped into the lounge, greeting them all with a smile before resting your gaze on your father.

“I hate to cut the evening short, but I’m feeling a bit ill,” you lied.

Perhaps it wasn’t a complete lie. Peter’s harsh words didn’t exactly leave you feeling the best, but your father believed you anyway. The two of you said your goodbyes to the Starks, even Peter who had slithered his way into the foyer eventually. He’d sent you off with that stupid smirk on his face, and it took everything in you to resist the urge to roll your eyes.

The ride home was quiet. Your mind was too stuck on the snippet of conversation that you’d heard. You knew that it was about you, that much you had heard, but the talk about internships and transferring had you confused. Again, there was that sinking feeling in your gut, and it wouldn’t go away. You wanted to bring it up to your father, but he’d spent the entire next day in the office.

Your paranoia got the best of you though, and the next evening, you found yourself in his study, mind going a mile a minute as you poured over the papers you found. Shock coursed through you at every reveal, hands shaking and heart sinking in disbelief. That was how your father found you that night, perched in his desk chair, tearful eyes glaring up at him as he walked through the door. He sighed as soon as his eyes landed on the papers scattered all over his desk.

“Tell me this isn’t true,” you quietly pleaded.

You knew that it had to be, but you needed to hear him say it.

“You’ll be going to Princeton for your senior year. All of the paper work has been done and whatever needs to be transferred has been transferred,” he breathed, stepping into the room.

You shook your head in disbelief, tears spilling over. You were shocked to find yourself…shocked. You knew that your father didn’t approve of your new lifestyle and your plans for your future. You knew that it ran deep, and yet it had never occurred to you that he’d do something about it. You had foolishly thought that he’d let you make your own decisions.

This was the main reason you hated this world you were born into. The things that people could buy, could do, if they had enough money to do so scared you. It shouldn’t be allowed.

“…and the internship?”

You didn’t even care that you had revealed yourself to be eavesdropping last night. Your father stepped further into his study.

“You’ll be interning with Stark Industries immediately after graduation…”

You were out of his chair and stomping out of his office before he could even finish. He didn’t even call for you to come back, and why would he? His word was law. You both knew that this was going to happen, and you couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

The night air was cold, and you wished you’d grabbed a thicker coat before stepping outside. After all, the only thing you had on underneath was a flimsy dress. You’d had plans to meet up with some old friends from high school tonight after your talk with your father, but you had never imagined that the talk would reveal this.

A lot of people were out in the city. It was a Friday night, after all. There was some light snow falling, but you could hardly even see it because the tears had finally spilled over. You couldn’t remember a time where you were so angry that you’d cried. You were grateful to be in New York of all places, right now, because a girl crying on the sidewalk was the most normal thing someone would probably see.

You crossed the street to a less crowded sidewalk, still trying to wrap your head around what your father had done, when a sleek black limo slowed beside you. You wouldn’t have thought anything of it had the window not rolled down to reveal none other than Peter.

“Are you drunk?” was the first thing he asked you.

Fed up with this night and having no patience for Peter Stark and all of his glory, you sneered at him.

“No,” you snapped.

You huffed when the limo rolled slowly along the street in time with your steps. Peter called to you, but you ignored him. What was he even doing out, right now? It was a Friday night. Shouldn’t he be at someone’s party participating in at least 2 illegal activities?

You sped up when you heard his door slam shut, but you weren’t quick enough. His firm hands grabbed you and turned you to face him, shaking you just a little as he ran his eyes over you, gaze lingering on your tearful one.

“Hey…”

“Go away, Peter,” you said, fighting to get out of his grip.

His hold tightened, and he stepped closer.

“It’s late. Why are you out here on the street like this? What happened?”

You snatched one arm out of his hold and shoved yourself away from him.

“Did you know?”

His brows furrowed, frowning slightly at your question. His cheeks were red from the cold, giving him a cherubic aura that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Stark. Did you know that my father was getting me transferred to Princeton behind my back? That I’m supposed to be interning with your father as soon as I graduate?”

You registered the shock on his face, and he slowly shook his head, thrown by what you’d told him.

“No,” he softly said.

You crossed your arms over your chest, more tears falling.

“If I had known…I would’ve told you, Y/N.”

“Would you?” you scoffed.

His face hardened at your insinuation, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, I would have. Look, I may hate this 180 that you’ve done with your life just as much as your father, but even I know that you’re going to do what you want anyway. You always have.”

He whispered the last part, and your gaze reluctantly met his. He pursed his lips, running his eyes over you as he reached for you.

“Where are you headed?” he wondered.

It hit you that you hadn’t really had a destination in mind. Your eyes widened, and you were sure that the panic and confusion was written all over your face. You shrugged, a few tears escaping.

“I…I don’t know,” you pathetically answered.

Peter softly sighed, pulling you towards the limo.

“Well, I was on my way to a party-.”

He cut himself off as you started to shake your head. You didn’t know where you wanted to go, but you knew that a party was not it. He pulled on your jacket, and you stumbled towards him in your heels.

“Hey,” he softly said when your eyes started to stray, and you looked at him. “I’ve got a couple of bottles of champagne in the limo, a full tank of gas, and a driver who’s getting paid by the minute. I’ll take you wherever you wanna go.”

You glanced away, thinking it over. You couldn’t stomach the thought of being near your father right now, and although Peter had shaken you last night, in the end, it was just him being his usual self. Your uneasiness from his words last night you wrote off to sensitivity and overthinking. You suddenly let out a humorless chuckle.

“You promise to get me really, really drunk?” you teased.

You were joking, but you honestly didn’t want to even remember your conversation with your father right now. That familiar smirk of his graced his lips as he threw an arm over your shoulder, guiding you towards the car.

“I promise to get you anything you want,” he purred.

The inside was warm, and you had almost forgotten how roomy limos could be. The L-shaped seating could easily fit 4 more people. True to Peter’s words, there was indeed two bottles of champagne on ice, and he reached for one as soon as the vehicle continued down the dark street.

You leaned your head against the window as he popped it open, getting you a glass. You felt defeated, and you were sure your face showed it as you took the offered drink from him.

“So what are you gonna do?”

You shook your head at Peter’s question.

“What can I do, Peter?” you quietly wondered with a shrug. “I mean… If my father is willing to go this far to get me where he wants me to be…? What’s stopping him from doing so again and again and again?”

Peter leaned back in his seat, eyeing you as you sipped on the bubbly alcohol.

“I’ll never be free of him,” you said, more to yourself than Peter. “God, he really is going to get everything he wants. Looks like I’ll be seeing you in 3 years at our engagement party, after all.”

Peter slid along the seat to get closer to you, rolling his eyes.

“Come on,” he dragged out. “Would marrying me really be so bad?”

You almost choked on your drink, and you incredulously eyed him.

“We’ve been over this before, and the answer is yes. That’s if we can even get you to walk down the aisle.”

Peter sighed, sitting his drink down.

“I would marry you,” he argued, looking at you.

“Come on, Peter. You’re just saying that!”

You took another sip, thankful for the liquid courage.

“It’s all a game to you. It always has been. The minute you finally get with me, it’ll be over. Hell…,” you said, thinking. “…maybe I should sleep with you so you’ll finally leave me alone.”

Peter laughed, resting his arm behind you on the back of the seat.

“If I had you, I’d never leave you alone,” he replied, voice soft.

“Yeah,” you barked a laugh. “Okay…”

“I’m serious,” he said, tone matching his words, and you fought to hold his intense gaze. “When are we finally going to get together?”

You glanced away.

“You’ve asked me this probably a hundred times, and the answer is always the same,” you murmured.

“When are we finally going to stop playing this game?”

Your eyes met his again, brows furrowed.

“I wasn’t aware that we were playing a game-.”

“I want you,” he whispered so quietly that you weren’t sure you heard him right. “You know that, Y/N. I’ve always wanted you.”

There was a frown on his face, and you swallowed.

“You want everyone,” you quietly replied, suddenly feeling very odd.

You scooted away from him just a tad, but he followed.

“When I have you, Y/N, I won’t treat you like those other girls,” he told you.

“Ha! How reassuring,” you sarcastically replied.

His hand rested on your arm, and you squirmed, head feeling a bit light.

“I’m serious,” he murmured, hand trailing upwards to brush along your shoulder before resting on your neck. “You’re my best girl…”

You blinked at him with a frown, and he tilted his head at you, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Why would I treat my best girl like the rest?”

You shook your head, moving away from him some more.

“Maybe…maybe I should just go home after all. I’m not feeling so good, right now,” you told him, alarmed at how slurred your words were.

You watched as Peter reached to take another sip of his drink.

“Yeah,” he calmly said, taking your drink from your trembling fingers and setting it aside. “That would probably be the Rohypnol.”

You slowly blinked at him, trying to clear the fuzz from your head as you processed his words. Did he just say…Rohypnol? As in…?

“Roofie is the common term, also known as the date-rape drug.”

Your mouth felt dry, and you felt like you weren’t sliding away from him fast enough.

“Peter, this…this is a joke, right? You’re kidding…?”

He snorted, and even without his confirmation, you knew that he wasn’t kidding. Your head had been spinning for minutes now.

“Come on, Y/N. When have you ever known me to be a huge comedian?”

You fell against the door as you tried the handle, but it was locked, and that was when you really started to panic.

“Y/N.”

You ignored Peter as he called your name, opting instead for hitting against the partition. You heard Peter heave a sigh from behind you before his arm slipped around your waist, pulling you back. Your movements were sluggish and futile, but you fought against him anyway. He pulled you down onto his lap as he leaned back into the seat.

“Peter…”

Your words died in your throat as his hands clasped around the back of your neck, pulling you down until his lips met yours. The kiss was hungry, Peter a man starved as he moaned into your mouth. He was panting when he pulled away, chest heaving before he kissed you again.

Your hands were pressed against his chest, trying in vain to push yourself away from him. You gasped against his lips, heart stuttering when he flipped you, your frame now between his and the seat. He settled against you easily, fitting perfectly in between your legs as his fingers danced over you.

The buttons of your coat flew as he yanked it open, and you shivered. Peter paid no mind, running his hands over your exposed skin before sliding them under your dress. You felt like you were barely hanging onto consciousness, not even realizing when Peter had started to drag your underwear down your legs until they were already to your ankles.

You feebly kicked against him, but he simply grabbed your legs, spreading them to settle in between them once more. You could feel him hot and hard through his pants, and more tears kissed your eyes. How on earth had you missed this? You cursed yourself for not taking his behavior more seriously. For not listening to yourself last night.

Confident that you could not fight him off, one of his hands worked between your legs while the other worked to release himself. He was right to be confident, because no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get your arms to work right. You felt like you were underwater, weighed down by sand.

“Peter,” you quietly pleaded again, and he shushed you.

You squirmed beneath him as he pushed his fingers in and out of you, hating how easy it was because of how wet you were. He pressed his mouth against yours, forcing his tongue past your lips, and you trembled as you felt him line himself up with your entrance.

A high-pitched yelp left you as he filled you with one thrust. The moan that climbed out of his throat was low and long, and he cursed as you clenched around him. Your hand pressed against the back of the seat as he pulled back before snapping his hips into you again.

“You feel so good,” he groaned into your mouth.

One arm locked around your waist as he pulled you both into a sitting position, his throbbing cock still inside of you as he held you onto his lap. You pushed against him, but your arms buckled when he lifted his hips up into you.

You whimpered, falling against him, and both of his hands fell to grip your waist, tightly holding you as he fucked you. Your body couldn’t support itself, and you sagged against him, forehead pressing against his as your eyelashes fluttered. Your jacket was barely hanging onto you, and with one hand, he pulled it all the way off. He gripped the bottom of your sequined dress before bunching it around your hips.

You tried to push yourself up, push yourself off of him, but not only was his hold firm, your body was too under the influence of the drug he’d given you. You pathetically whimpered as you fell against him again, a sob caught in your chest. He pressed a sloppy kiss to your neck, the strap of your dress falling, and you shuddered.

He pulled you into another kiss, the taste of your salty tears seeping into your mouth. Your head was light, mind spinning with the pleasure being forced onto you. You pressed your hand against the seat, attempting to push yourself away again when Peter spun you both, your back connecting with the seat as he laid you down, his clothed hips slapping against yours. He moaned into your mouth as you fluttered around him, and with a start, you realized that despite your unwillingness, an orgasm was creeping up on you.

Both of his hands rested on your cheeks as he kissed you again and again. His dark hair was falling into his forehead, sweat coating the strands, and your skin fared no better. You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt your stomach clenching, shamed and disgust coursing through you.

“Look at me,” Peter quietly demanded.

You shook your head but yelped when one of his hands reached to pinch your nipple through your dress. You peeled your eyes open, tears blurring your vision, but your gaze met his all the same.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured just as you clenched around him with a choked moan.

Your climax triggered his own, and he pushed into you a few more times before falling against you with a groan. You were both sweating and panting, and you felt the flames of sleep licking at the corners of your vision.

There was so much that you wanted to say to Peter, to scream at him, but you couldn’t form the words. You could only lay there as he kissed you again before pulling out of you, leaning back against the seat as he fixed himself. Sleep was just in your grasp, but you were scared to close your eyes. Scared of the man you thought you knew.

He spread his arm over the back of the seat, the other pulling your dress down, that annoying playful smirk dancing along his lips.

“I think a winter wedding would look absolutely beautiful.”

tags: @bamposworld @mcudarklibrary @darkficreposter @xoxabs88xox @buckybarnesplumwhore @harryspet @coconutqueen21 @opheliadawnwalker3 @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @hurricanerin

#dark peter parker #Dark!Peter #dark fic #dark!peter x reader #dark!peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker

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carriagelamp · 3 years

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Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you’ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

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