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justinmitchellfan · 10 months

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MERCEDES VARNADO X ZENDAYA LOVE STORY SMUT WARNING ⚠️ PART 8 of the continuation of the ater hours love story

Chapter 28

For a moment I thought it was the booze. It can't be no zendaya, get a grip on reality please but she spoke up again "babe did you hear me says mercedes and I still didn't answer her and I knew it was probably just whatever normani gave me that was making me hallucinate "how much have you drank says mercedes as she asked me once more before walking up retrieving my cup and look at the liquid "fuck, someone put something in here, zendaya did you not notice the fizzling says mercedes and it was like everything I had practiced wanting to say to her when I saw her again just vanished out of my mind and my jaw was locked and I couldn't help but get so nervous and stunned and i didn't believe that she was really there even though I knew reality was actually taking over

Mercedes grabbed my cheeks and looked into my eyes "zendaya talk to me ,are you okay says mercedes and her touch was so familiar and warm that it made the deepest emotions inside of me start to bubble out in the form of one tear and the tear slowly dropped out of my duct and slide down my cheek "baby why are you crying says mercedes as she asked me softly wiping the tear and it's not like I meant to let my guard down all of a sudden but I came to this party hoping to get over her somehow and now being in her presence just makes me want everything back so bad "hey zendaya says a guy from behind mercedes and I, it was a very familiar voice and I knew that it was something that would only cause trouble at this moment

"I've been looking for you everywhere says Zane and mercedes turned her head to see the guy that was walking towards us and her hand tightly gripped against my thigh before she stood up in front of me like my own personal shield "oh hey, you're that one teacher, I actually never got the pleasure of having your class last year, mercedes right says Zane as he smiled holding out his tattooed hand but when he realized that she wasn't going to shake, he put it back in his pocket "oh well I'm Zane, zendayas ex boyfriend says Zane "I know who you are says mercedes clenching her jaw and Zane really didn't understand her possessiveness so he didn't take offense to the cold shoulder she was giving him

He just walked over to kneel in front of me with that devilishly smile he had attained since the first day I met him "hey babe how are you feeling says Zane and as he reached out to put his hand on my cheek, mercedes yelled out "don't touch her says mercedes and his head turned and he smiled "and why not says Zane and mercedes walked over to pick up the cup she sat down on the steps "did you do this to her drink says mercedes "I don't know what you're talking about says Zane as he chuckled turning back to give me his attention but before he could even start talking to me again, mercedes tipped the cup over his head and poured out the liquid onto him and since he was face to face with me ,I could see the amount of anger start to well up inside of him

He clenched his fist and stood up quickly "you fucking bitch ,who the hell do you think you are says Zane and i started to breath heavily, it was still so hard for me to move or even talk at this point and I just watched as the two started to fight even though my brain started hazing the events in front of me "I'm mercedes, zendayas girlfriend, I want you to leave her alone says mercedes obviously not scared of the man that was basically her height "or what says Zane as he challenged mercedes "or you'll fucking deal with me says mercedes and he pushed her roughly but her balance helped her not to fall and as soon as she pushed him back and I felt everything inside of me start to steam and I didn't want either of them to fight especially over me

All I could do was scream so that's what I did "STOP IT as my voice was louder decibel than usual so it caught both of their attention "just leave me alone says zendaya "that's right, leave her alone as Zane said to mercedes "no as I clenched the muscle of my jaw to try and keep my temper down "I mean you Zane, leave me alone says zendaya and he frowned and nodded giving me and mercedes one more look over before turning around and heading back towards campus and I watched him as he slumped his shoulders and made his feet heavy with each step he took away from me ,he wasn't happy and I didn't even need to see his face to notice it

Mercedes took his spot and knelt down in front of me reaching out to hold my hand "babe we should get you back to the house with your friends okay says mercedes and I nodded and she pulled me up to lean against her and she was basically forced to keep my body weight up since I didn't feel like I could really navigate my feet on my own and as we started towards the park ,she started talking to me "so can you tell me why you were at my old apartment building instead of the party says mercedes and I didn't want to answer her and I had already made myself seem weak by crying In front of her "you do know I don't live there anymore right says mercedes and still no answer which made her get very frustrated with me, soon we came across a park bench and she sat me down carefully

Mostly because she knew she wouldn't get me to talk even when we got back to the party and she sat down beside me and held my hand in her lap while she used her free hand to turn my face to her "okay can I know why you're giving me the silent treatment says mercedes and I shook my head and she pursed her plump lips to give me this upset look "why not says mercedes and I licked over my dry lips and tried with all of my might to get something to come out, anything, I needed to talk to her but my mind was so blurred that I was afraid that I would put words together wrong and lose her again "i....just...can't sats zendaya and her thumb softly rubbed over the top of my palm as she cooed me "no no babe you can, just talk to me like you used to sats mercedes

I couldn't play coy or think of some big speech to lead up to it and there was only one thing on my mind now "I missed you says zendaya and the corners of her mouth turned down and her eyes were now locked on mine "well I missed you too says mercedes and I didn't want to look at her anymore and there was nothing else for me to say and I think she knew that and her hand nudged my chin up so she could look at me once more before she leaned in and I closed my eyes before our lips met and I felt that nice sensation in my stomach start up again and our lips locked once or twice before she pulled away Making my eyes open "c'mon says mercedes as she spoke with a shaky voice "we should meet up with your friends before they start a search party for the both of us says mercedes

I nodded and allowed her to help me up on my feet once again towards the frat house

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3:03 AM

Mercedes didn't let me out of her sight of the rest of the night and a few people offered me cups but she made sure to turn them down for me since I was still really wasted from the cups I already had and I was starting to calm down and get comfortable around her again but I was still slightly afraid she would disappear again so I needed to ask her the questions that were traveling through my brain and I pulled her over to a quiet corner in the busy house and leaned against the wall and mercedes took her possessive stance in front of me and pushed a messy strand of hair out of my face "God I'm glad normani told me to come tonight says mercedes "why did she by the way says zendaya "oh now you wanna talk says mercedes as she joked swiping her tongue over her red painted lips "but she said that she wanted us to work things out says mercedes

"But do you says zendaya "do I what says mercedes and I laid my hand comfortably on her hip and look up into her eyes "do you want to work things out says zendaya "if I didn't, why would I be here says mercedes as she laughed showing that beautiful smile that I hadn't seem for what seemed like an eternity "so where does that leave us because I'm sure I won't remember this conversation tomorrow as I told her honestly as I tripped over my words once or twice "well I was thinking we could leave tomorrow night back to Seattle since school starts in a week and see where we will go from there says mercedes and I Raised my brow at her "what about your family says zendaya

Mercedes shrugged "well I love them but I can't let them step in every time I start to date someone new says mercedes as her hand gripped my waist to pull me in a little bit closer "especially if it's someone I love says mercedes "you love me says zendaya "you know i do says mercedes leaning in to peck my lips "now let's get out of here and go back to the hotel so you can get some sleep says mercedes

Chapter 29

Mercedes hurried me out of the state and back to our humble abode in Seattle as fast as we could and we decided that California wasn't the place for us and it never was and I guess it took us a while to figure it out ,we were just ready to continue our lives together because even though we had both been through so much, we needed to get back to normal, normality was all that mattered to me at this point and as soon as we got home, we headed straight to the bedroom because the jetlag exhaustion was quickly picking up inside of us and neither of us are big travelers unless we have to do it so, we take jetlag very seriously plus we both have work tomorrow even though we are completely worn out that it seems like a crime to go to work feeling like this

Mercedes let me use the bathroom first to do my business, brush my teeth and clean my face since I was barely dragging along and after I came out of the bathroom, I noticed mercedes who was waiting at the end of the bed staring at the floor idly, I walked up to nudge her shoulder "babe I'm out says zendaya and mercedes yawned and nodded to me rubbing her eyes as if she was a little baby who needed a nap as soon as possible and while she went to the bathroom, I started peeling off layers of clothes so I could get comfortable enough to crawl underneath the covers and shortly after I found my comfy spot, mercedes came out of the bathroom and began stripping off her clothes in the middle of the room and I may have been tired before but that was all over now because mercedes had my complete attention

Mercedes turned her head and caught me staring "what says mercedes as she asked zendaya and I shook my head as if I wasn't doing anything "no seriously says mercedes and I scooted up to lean my back against the headboard and continued to deny that I did anything even though I was smirking "it's stupid don't worry about it says zendaya and mercedes slipped on a pair of shorts and a big t-shirt and rolled her eyes at me as she started heading towards the bed and she crawled into bed next to me and my body heated up within seconds "c'mon babe, I don't care if it's stupid, I promise that I won't laugh even if it is actually stupid says mercedes and I rolled my eyes at mercedes 'late night' humor and responded

"It's just so surreal, I guess for a whole month, I hoped and prayed that I would get to see you in this room again, that everything would go back to normal says zendaya and it seemed as though mercedes was completely caught off guard that I actually was speaking my mind and she grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers looking into my eyes "I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought the same thing says mercedes as she decided that it would be comfortable to pull me under her arm so that I could lay my head on her chest "but I also prayed to thank God that you were even in my life for a moment and that I'd be happy to spend more time with you or if he'd want me to, I'd let you go, it's whatever he decided says mercedes

I got a little more curious about her faith "then what made you know for sure that it was time for us to be an 'us' again says zendaya "well I asked for a sign says mercedes as she admitted "so when normani called me about that frat party saying that you needed me back, I didn't even hesitate for a second about saying yes ,I needed you back just as bad as you did, listen I may joke around a lot but I was never joking around when I said I love you for the first time or any other time after that says mercedes and her honesty made me feel so warm inside and I was so thankful that I had her back

"Anyways says mercedes in a sing song voice to try and keep us from thinking serious like this when we are this exhausted, it would just make us get more emotional "we should get some sleep because I have to teach those little annoying kids again starting tomorrow says mercedes as she kissed my lips and reached over me to my lamp on the bedside table to flick the light off and mercedes and I got comfortable against each other and I whispered to her within the pitch darkness "I love you m as I felt like now would be a perfect time to just remind her that I care and mercedes yawned before responding "I love you too babe now go to sleep says mercedes

Chapter 30

5:15 AM

I was shaken as a a wake up call by mercedes, although for a while I tried to pretend like I didn't feel the aggressive movement on my body because I just wanted at least 5 more minutes to sleep "ZENDAYA, I KNOW YOURE AWAKE Says mercedes as she screamed in my ear making me groan "there you go baby girl, now get yo pretty ess up and pick out a outfit for today while I take a shower because you're next in there says mercedes as she tapped my ass to try and get more of my attention "I mean it get up says mercedes and I slumped my way out of the comfortable and warm bed to start walking towards the closet door ten feet away although it felt like it was 50 feet away this morning

I began pushing through a copious amount of hangers to scavenge through and find something that would be considered dress code acceptable even though most of mercedes and my wardrobe was very skimpy at this point only because we tried to out do each other when dressing up to see who could make who drool over the other one more and when I was searching for a outfit, I heard my phone go off on my nightstand and I decided that the blue t-shirt and brown pants would be acceptable enough to go out in public with today and I slowly trekked back to the bed and plopped back down on the bed to grab my phone and check it while I wait my turn for a warm shower although it's very possible that there won't be any hot water left since mercedes has so often used up all of it before I ever get a chance to step in

I unlocked my phone and opened the message app to see four new messages from Lauren and I knew exactly what they were going to be about and mercedes and I left town so fast that I never got the chance to mention to the girls that I was leaving not that I would want to Because I'm sure they would try to stop me and I clicked on her name and cringe to see the messages that more than likely would not be happy

Lauren: ZENDAYA

Lauren: girl....seriously

Lauren: ok so since you're not talking to me, I'll talk to you, normani told me that you left town with mercedes to go back home?? Like I'm not mad that you're back with her, trust me I'm not, I support it but I'm actually really upset at you for the fact that you didn't even say goodbye to your best friend, that's all

Lauren: fuck, I can't sleep until you message me, I'm so sad tf 😪

I took a deep breath and prepared myself to explain why I made those choices that obviously meant a lot to her

Zendaya: I know I should've said goodbye & I thought about it over a thousand times even on the plane it was a regret that I knew would bug me all the way here and you're right, you are my best friend but that's why it would've hurt so bad to say goodbye like the last time

Lauren: babe ,I know it hurts because I don't like that you have to leave me (and the girls) but promise me that you'll say goodbye next time

Zendaya: I promise I will :)

Lauren: then we are all good ,stay safe, mama 💘 I love you

I actually felt better about myself and the way I left things with her and I was telling her the truth when I said that it hurt to say goodbye to her, it always has, the slight thought of saying goodbye and having that be the last memory I have of her is something I've always tried to stay away from and that's why I appreciate that Lauren didn't make it too much of a big deal and let me explain my reasoning and soon after my conversation with Lauren ended, mercedes walked out of the steaming bathroom and I turned around to see her dripping body wrapped in a fluffy towel from the Santa Ana hotel and her blonde hair was dripping on her shoulders and she walked over to kiss my cheek before heading towards the closet "you're next beautiful says mercedes as her husky voice broke a little, which I thought was cute

Chapter 31 part 1

February 22nd (mercedes 24th birthday)

I had spoiled mercedes tremendously on valentines day and vice versa but that's not enough, today is another big day in her life so I have completely amazing plans already laid out for her and kehlani was coming to Seattle to perform but the tickets sold out quicker than I expected and mercedes was so disappointed that she didn't get a seat and it just so happened that my short time as a barista would pay off because I worked with a guy who's family owned the venue she'd be performing at so I contacted him and after a few hours of nicely declining his advances to explain that I was contacting him for tickets and he said he'd give me two backstage passes because I used to clock him in early at the Cafe not to mention, I spent a vast amount of money at zales to get my girlfriend a Diamond necklace with her birthstone attached to it

We had saw it at a jewelry store once and she thought it was so beautiful so while she moved onto look at the earrings, I put the necklace on hold and I locked the presents away in the bottom drawer of my desk before starting class, mercedes had no idea I had gotten her anything and I wouldn't let her find out until the end of the school day

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After my second substituting class, the bell rang and I stood at the front to collect the papers that the students were assigned when the first Bell rang and now Sabrina and I have become good friends as the year progressed so I was happy to see she was the last to turn in her completed paper like always and she pulled the strap of her backpack on over her shoulder and smiled up at me "did you hear, it's mercedes birthday says Sabrina "yes I know says zendaya "did you buy her something special says Sabrina as she urged on the conversation "maybe, maybe not as I turned on my heel to start walking behind my desk as Sabrina walked up to the front of it

"Okay, I don't wanna play games anymore, ms zendaya, are you and ms mercedes dating, I mean i wouldn't judge you two if you are says Sabrina "what makes you think that we're dating as I smirked stacking the papers together to set them on one pile of my desk and I looked up and saw the excitement in her blue eyes "well first, there's this thing about how you're both around each other all the time before or after school and that when that happens, you both have This look in your eyes that my mom and dad have for each other says Sabrina as she started to daze off into her own world but she quickly came back to reality "so are you says Sabrina as it started to get quiet so she spoke up once again "I promise I won't tell says Sabrina

Zendaya sighed out "do you want the truth says zendaya and Sabrina nodded "I am dating ms mercedes but you have to keep it quiet and we don't like people getting into our business says zendaya which that was a lie and it was more of what mercedes wanted when I could really care less, I liked when people were jealous of my relationships or when they liked to make up rumors about the perfection behind it all but that wasn't something m encouraged and Sabrina exclaimed "I knew it, you're probably the hottest couple in this school so I'm all about this says Sabrina and the tardy bell rang and I picked up a pink slip pad to write her a late pass while I've been doing a lot lately "so you love her huh says Sabrina

I pulled the page off of the slip and handed it out for her to retrieve it "yeah I do says zendaya and she grabbed the slip from me "cool well don't worry, mums the word says Sabrina as she used her imagination to lock her lips and throw away the key before skipping out of the room fir her next class

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At the end of the day, I hurried to unlock the desk drawer to remove the presents for mercedes and I did my best to not make a big deal about her birthday all day do it would make it seem like I never had any real big plans.

*flashback*

During lunch we sat down at a table together and as I stabbed my salad with a fork I looked at her "so what do you wanna do later, I mean we could do anything in the world since it's your day and a weekend says zendaya and mercedes looked down at her soup with this face of disappointment and she stirred her soup around with her spoon and answered me "I was thinking about stalking the kehlani concert If you want to come, I heard she takes people outside the venue if they wait long enough says mercedes and I looked around to make sure no one was paying attention before reaching my hand out to place it on her thigh "we can do whatever you want, just don't mope around babe okay, we will have fun today, I promise says zendaya

I quickly pulled away when coach Tandy walked over to the tables with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a stuffed brown bear in the other and with this cheesy white smile plastered on his fuck boy face he spoke up "happy birthday mercedes varnado says Tandy as he kissed her cheek as a extra present and she looked over at me and frowned before turning to look at the guy standing up "although this is really a cute gift Tandy, zendaya and I were talking about some serious issues says mercedes "no problem says Tandy as he nodded "maybe I'll catch up with you on the elevator says Tandy as he slowly backed towards the break room door "bye zendaya says Tandy as he mentioned before hurrying out of sight

"Nice gesture says mercedes turning away from watching the man back out of the room "too bad that fool can't take a hint says mercedes and after taking spoonful of soup she said again "so back to the beginning, will you go with me to find kehlani says mercedes "you don't even know how down I am as I smirked over at her

**end of flashback**

After taking the presents and putting them in my bag, I rushed up to her room as soon as the last bell rang and the excessively long elevator ride just made my anxiety build in a way I was nervous that she wouldn't really like the necklace so I felt my knees begin to get a little shaky walking down her Hallway and I knocked on the open door as I entered and saw the tall woman in heels erasing the whiteboard and I walked over to quickly pech her lips before getting my piece of gum off of the table and ever since I spit gum in her purse that one time ,she left pieces of gum out for me ,she doesn't trust me with her expensive bags anymore

I finally decided to sit down on top of the wood table of a desk with the bag containing her presents in my lap, "so m as I said getting her attention to turn around and look at me while she multi tasked with some papers scattered all over her desk and I began to start rummaging around in the unzipped bag to feel for the jewelry box and card "it's not much but happy birthday says zendaya "oh this is so cool, what did you get me says mercedes as she smiled obviously thrilled that I didn't let her down today and I got a quick kiss on my cheek as she took the presents and sat on the desk next to me "just look and you'll see ,why would I ruin your surprise says zendaya

Mercedes used one of her painted nails to open the seal on the card then slip it out of the envelope and the front was a generic card but when she would open it, tickets would fall out and a small message was written on the card with my signature, at first mercedes gave me this worried glare like she knew I actually got her tickets and got her all worked up and sad for nothing, which in my eyes would be the best prank of all and could in fact Deen me the prank queen but I digress, her fingers held onto the thin pieces of paper and she held it up close to her face, reading the words right in front of her "oh my God, are these real, like actual tickets says mercedes "yeah says zendaya and as she was about to get up to kiss me but I held my hand out to her

"Wait, look at the other thing before you get all grabby says zendaya and she shook her head and picked up the jewelry box and she opened the top of the box and saw the necklace inside "holy...h-how did you says mercedes and zendaya shrugged "it's the first birthday I get to spend with you and you made my 18th so special as I could see how much this meant to her and even though mercedes won't act like it to just anyone and she really has a heart and it beats for previous loving moments like this so this act of kindness towards her just makes her so emotional that she'll start her waterworks and I quickly shot up onto my feet to go towards her and hold her "no mama, don't cry says zendaya

I quickly pecked her cheeks as a way to get her to stop feeling that type of happy sad emotions in the hopes that this would make her giggle even just once and she did and her hand landed on my hip to keep me close to her and for a second her eyes stared at lips not for too long but it was long enough for me to notice and appreciate it and her smile faded and she kissed me and I kissed her back instantly which made her straighten up to let me rest my hands behind the back of her neck while her hands rubbed circles into my lower back and mercedes fingers messed with the band of my jeans and I pulled away "woah there, birthday girl, save that part for later as I joked which made her smile even bigger

I loved seeing her toothy smile because that's when I knew she was truly happy and it was so easy for her to mask her emotions around me but that smile meant one thing and mercedes pecked my lips one more time before whispering "I love you too says mercedes "look who's being mushy now as I mocked causing her to giggle

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nightwings-circus · 2 years

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Third times a charm

Tag list: @vexic929 @prettybitchfatwitch

Synapses: After Jason catches you and Dick in the act, tensions are high. They’re even higher after Dick catches you and Jason only a few days later, the third time however, is a night none of you will ever forget, especially since it’ll determine who gets the girl of their dreams.

Warnings: 18+. Absolutely no minors or blank blogs. You will be blocked. Pure smut: oral (M! And F! Rec.), unprotected sex (be smarter then them), threesome, choking, fingering, slight BDSM undertones I guess?. I think that’s everything

DO NOT TAG OR REBLOG AS BATC*ST. You will be blocked, reported, and I will warn other creators. I have a 0 tolerance policy for that and do not want it associated with my blog or content in any way. This is your warning.

“Fuck Dick,” you moaned as he thrust into you even harder, grabbing onto your hands that were so beautifully cuffed behind your back as he pounded into you. You were dripping in arousal as he fucked into you like it was the last thing he’d ever do.

“Yeah y/n, take every inch.” He growled as he pulled your hair a bit, dominating you with his bigger form. Dick had been robin for years now, and at age 25 he was as handsome as ever, tall and muscular with a gymnasts body.

if gymnasts kicked the shit out of bad guys that is.

You truly didn’t know how you had ended up there, with Dick Grayson fucking you like a wild animal, but hey, after the rough first weeks of living at the manor with nobody to fill your needs, you’d take it, you’d always had a thing for the Wayne boys anyways. And unknown to you, this would only be the first of a series of good times.

You moaned as he buried himself to the hilt inside of you, hitting the deepest parts of you that made your toes curl and your legs shake.

“What the fuck is going on in here.” A loud bang followed by a gravelly voice made both of you jump, spinning your heads towards the door where a seething Jason stood staring at your nude form.

You had tried to pull away but dick just gripped your hips, making your heart flutter as you clenched around him softly.

“Get the fuck out little brother, can’t you see we’re busy,” Dick’s voice was full of arrogance as he thrusted into you again, making you moan, as if to prove a point.

“You’re a fucking asshole you know that?” Jason had snapped and you heard him punch the door, making you jump a bit. You had never really seen Jason this mad, the three of you had practically grown up around each-other because of league missions and Dick’s slightly younger brother, while he had a temper problem, had never been this upset with dick before.

“What do you think beautiful am I an asshole?” Dick had purred in your ear as he thrust up against your sweet spot, earning a whimper from you and putting a smirk on his face. “Looks like the jury has decided. Now get the fuck out.”

Jason slammed the door shut as he walked out, leaving you and dick to resume.

Jason stalked down the hall, his ears ringing as he left you and Dick in his room. Your moans filled his ears in a sickeningly bittersweet way. You weren’t supposed to be moaning like that for Dick, his golden child older brother.

5 years in age difference somehow made a world of a difference between him and Dick, Dick got to be the first robin, he got to go to more league meetings, he even got you.

Jason shook the thought out of his head as he slammed his bedroom door shut, his cock throbbing from hearing the pretty noises you made when you got fucked, and wishing he had been the one who had been pounding into you like that.

The second time was two days later.

You were sat in the living room, spread out on the couch with a book in hand and a blanket on as you seen Jason walk in

‘Good’, you thought to yourself ‘this is gonna be fun’

“Hey jason can you come here for a second.” Your voice came out sweet and innocent, and he looked up at you with a mix of shock and an emotion you couldn’t quite read. He walked over and sat down beside you on the couch, and you shifted so your legs were draped over his as you sat up and laid your book on the coffee table.

“I want you to fuck me,” you whispered in his ear and you felt him tense, seeing the lust flash into his blue eyes as he heard those words.

“Are you joking?” He choked a bit as he spoke and you nodded, kissing his neck softly.

“What about boy wonder?”

“Forget about him Jaybird,” your voice was smooth as silk as you ran your hand along his stomach, tracing his abs with your delicate fingers. “I’d rather have you instead.”

He grabbed your wrists and quickly pushed you back onto the couch, pinning them above your head as he kissed and bit your neck before his mouth hovered beside your ear

“Your lucky day princess, everyone else is gone. It’s just you and me in the manor today,” he growled and bit your earlobe, a shocked squeak exiting your mouth as he did.

“Gonna show you who really owns that gorgeous little body of yours babe,” his voice was smooth and deep, every world full of sex as he spoke. “After this nobody else will be good enough but me.”

He started to grind his hips into you and you bit your lip, your arousal soaking your panties as he teased you.

Soon he had ripped your pants off and quickly removed his aswell, and then before you knew it his thick cock was inside you.

Jason choked you as he pounded into you, biting your shoulder as you gasped softly for air.

He was massive, you felt so full it was almost too much, your stomach bulging slightly as he went deeper and deeper into you. It was heaven, waves of pure bliss had clouded your mind as Jason fucked you, leaving you a moaning and whimpering mess.

You were so fucked out you almost didn’t hear a familiar voice ring through the living room

“Payback little brother?” Dick’s voice was full of jealousy as he stood in front of the two of you. Jason just smirked at him, pulling your hair a bit so you were looking him in the eyes as he fucked you deeper and deeper.

“Princess here doesn’t seem to mind.” He thrust harder, making you moan his name and whimper, and he threw a smirk towards Dick again. “Now why don’t you fuck off.”

You barely noticed Dick leaving, nor did you really care in that moment, all you could focus on was how good jason had been fucking you.

The third time was four days later.

The tension in the house between you three had been thick, with Bruce out on a trip for a few days, Alfred going with him, and patrols hadn’t exactly been easy when the three of you barely speaking.

You had been in your room most of the day, when a knock on your door alerted you to company.

You had opened it expecting to see one of the boys, but to be honest were shocked when it was both of them standing there.

“Hi guys, can I help you?” You tried to sound calm but the events of the past week were playing through your mind on loop, the feeling of both of them, the moans and pleasure as they each fucked you, it was almost too much.

“Awe Dick, look, our princess is shy,” jay smirked and snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you closer and slowly kissing your neck, making you moan softly.

“We have a little suggestion beautiful,” it was dick speaking now, his hands travelling to your ass and slowly squeezing it. “Why don’t we both play with you and you decide who does a better job?”

Your head spun as the words left his mouth, your brain short circuiting. There was no way they were serious right? They were totally fucking with you. But their hands on you made you think otherwise. You nodded and looked into Jason’s eyes, kissing his jawline.

“I think that’s a yes,” Jason said as he picked you up and laid you on the bed, dick following as the two of them studied you. Both men’s eyes were blown out in lust as they slowly started to take your top and bottoms off, leaving you bare.

“Fuck me if that isn’t the most gorgeous sight I’ve ever seen,” Dick purred as he slowly started to tease your breasts, pinching your nipples with his agile fingers and slowly kissing and sucking on one of them.

You moaned and arched your back slightly, just in time for Jason’s tongue to meet your clit. He ran his tongue in circles around the bundle of nerves, before slowly licking a stripe through your slick.

“Fuck you taste so good babe.” He growls, slowly entering a calloused finger into your heat.

Dick takes it as an opportunity to start sucking on your breasts more, his tongue swirling your nipple as you moan and whimper at the boys’ every touch. It felt so good, pleasure invaded every nerve in your body and the coil in your stomach got tighter and tighter as they touched and licked you.

“Gonna- cum,” you managed to choke out between moans, the coil snapping as your brain fogged and pleasure coursed through your body, making you tremble.

They played with through through your orgasm, moaning as they watched you so full of pleasure. Once you came down jay came up and kissed you and Dick moved to be sitting behind your head.

“Alright princess, I’m gonna fill you up while you be a good girl and suck Dick’s cock okay? And then after we can switch and you can taste how good you are on my cock,” Jason growled and slowly started to choke you, making you moan with arousal. He smirked and slowly started to enter your heat, and with only the tip in you still felt full.

He eased the rest into, his long thick cock completely filling you and with every thrust he hit the spots inside you that made you whimper.

Dick slowly moved closer, his cock above you as you took the tip into your mouth. From this angle you could see his face twist in pleasure as you swirled your tongue around the head. He moaned and ran his fingers through your hair as Jason continued to thrust into you, making you moan around Dick as you took more of him into your mouth.

Soon you had his cock as far as it could go in your mouth, and you stroked the rest as you sucked him. Jason growled and started to fuck into you faster and harder.

“You look so pretty with a cock down your throat babe, and you take me so fucking well, such a good girl.” God Jason’s voice was so hot it made you moan again as you sucked. Dick gripped your hair and started to face fuck you as your tongue licked the underside of him and you hallowed your cheeks to suck him more.

The intensity made you gag a bit, making dick moan and Jason thrust even harder. It took you a second to adjust to both of them but you could feel yourself on the brink of cumming as Jason started to rub your clit with his fingers.

“Got so tight around me princess, you gonna cum for us?” He smirked as he buried himself all the way inside you, hitting your sweet spot and making you see stars.

“Cmon beautiful, cum.” dick moaned out and you came undone, pleasure coursing through every inch of you as you moaned around Dick and tightened around Jason. Your head went fuzzy again as Jay slammed into you again and Dick let out a lewd moan, releasing into your mouth before slowly pulling away.

Jason came undone soon after, watching you swallow Dick’s seed and feeling the tightness of your walls as you came made him ache with desire. He fucked into you like a madman, going deeper and deeper as you moaned and spasmed.

“Please sir-fuck,” your voice was so high pitched and beautiful it made Jason dizzy. And fuck did you calling him that turn him on even more. He felt the coil snap and he moaned, burying himself inside you as he came, thrusting farther and farther in.

He couldn’t help himself, you were so pretty, and you felt so good around him. You swore he had been cumming for a whole minute before he thrust once or twice more and pulled out, his thick cum dripping out of your trembling cunt.

“you want a feel?” Jason smirked at dick, and he nodded. They switched positions with jay on his knees beside your head and Dick positioned between your legs.

“Ready beautiful?” Dick smiled as he slowly teased your entrance with his cock and you nodded, the lust making you feel almost drunk as the two handsome vigilantes smirked at you.

“Look at you babe, so fucked out you can’t help but want more,” Jason growled and put his hand carefully around your throat, choking you softly as Dick slid inside you.

“Holy fuck she likes that, she’s so tight.”

Jason smirked and slowly moved his hands to be in your hair instead, pulling softly so you looked into his eyes.

“Wanna taste yourself on my cock princess?” You nodded and jay slowly slipped himself into your mouth, moaning as your soft lips took him so perfectly.

You sucked him as Dick thrusted into you, making you moan loud from how sensitive you were.

After a while both men, and you, were cumming again. You all collapsed onto the bed as you cuddled up in between them, mind blank and fuzzy from a mixture of exhaustion and arousal.

“Look so beautiful,” Jason murmured as he played with your hair and dick smiled at the two of you, standing up and slowly slipping his clothes back on

“You won, fair an square little brother. I must admit though I’m a bit jealous,” Dick’s tone was playful and full of arrogance as he spoke, heading towards the door.

“Damn straight.” Jason smirked at his older brother, who smiled.

“I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow,” you muttered and cuddled closer to Jason, making both men laugh.

“Yeah well, all is fair in love and war babe, you know what they say.”

“Yeah Jay’s right” dick chuckled, pausing before leaving the two of you. “You know what else? Third times always the charm.”

#jason todd #dick grayson #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd x y/n #red hood fic #dc fanfic #jason todd smut #red hood smut #dick grayson fanfic #dick grayson x y/n #dick grayson smut #Jason X reader X Dick #nightwing smut #nightwings circus

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malereader-inserts · 3 years

Text

Je Te Laisserai Des Mots

Fandom: The Vampire Dairies/ The Originals Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Male!Reader Summary: Let me leave with words Word Count: 1,109

“Could you see yourself loving me?”

Damon laughs as you rolled your eyes, “Probably not.”

“Could you try?” You asked, Damon gives you a look, you know that look all little too well as you swallow your pride, “Nevermind.”

Damon brushed off as the two of you continue to walk together, you’ve known each other for so long that life together was somewhat blurry. The times where you weren’t by his side if felt like time was slow and there wasn’t anything to speed up time.

You were helpless, you loved Damon upon first meeting him when the two of you were first humans. As time passes by, when you weren’t by his side anymore - the feeling that used to reside in your heart started to fade. The longer he wasn’t there by your side, you lost the attraction, the love you had for him.

When Damon followed and stayed with Stefan, he was surprised to see you in Mystic Falls.

You really haven’t changed much, you were still that cheeky bastard he had remembered decades ago. He asked why you were there, you gave him a vague answer. You never stuck by him for long periods of time, rarely seen in a room together alone.

It was almost as if the years had allowed you to cleanse yourself from Damon’s toxic behaviour.

You know your best friend, he’s impulsive and a dickhead, yet that never strayed you far from him. Though you don’t know whether if you could call him your best friend anymore.

Because when he looks at you, you were still that friendly guy with a big heart but you were more standoffish with him. When you look at him, he’s still an abrasive arse wipe. They say opposites attract and yet, you felt like you two differ so much that you could never attract to each other.

Though, despite living in the same house and teaming up together, you feel like you could never connect with him again.

You had made up what Damon is in your head, clouded with your love - he was completely different. Perhaps, Damon filled in that idea of love, maybe you got mixed up with what was romantic love and what was platonic love.

Damon will admit, though, after some stubbornness, he misses you. He misses how you fitted by his side, he misses your laugh and the jokes you would make with him. After years without you, he felt somewhat empty, somewhat lost in the world.

He wondered what type of person he would have become if you weren’t in the world.

After all, you were his moral and rational thinking. You’re the only one who could really put him in his place, unlike his father. Maybe he was avoiding his feelings for you, perhaps he was just thinking he couldn’t possibly love men like he loved women.

“You’d stay with me?” Damon asked, he remembers how you look off to the distance and shrug your shoulders.

“Why not?” You answered back, because at this point of the story you didn’t know whether it was right to stay with him - you were questioning it, “I mean, Damon, you are my dearest friend. My deepest love. You are the best part of me, and yet...”

“And yet?” Damon pressed on.

You looked at him, “Perhaps it’s the best for us to be apart.”

Damon thought he knew what heartbreak felt, but the moment you announced that you are off to travel the world without him, he couldn’t breathe. He felt like the whole world had stopped spinning and time just stopped. His chest aches after you leave, your goodbye was short and blunt - he hated that.

Seeing you in the present modern time, he felt, for the first time, the world was no longer tilted so far. He didn’t care if he felt like you were avoiding him because the time he managed to be in your presence he felt at peace.

“You had a history with (Y/n)?” Elena asked, she never really picked up on the fact that Damon can be so emotional.

“You could say that,” Damon responded, “But, not in the way you possibly could think.”

You never wanted to hurt Damon, but deep down you really did. To blame him for all the hurt he had did to you. You wanted him to feel how you suffered the unrequited love, you wanted to experience what it’s like to be loved and never given a definite answer.

So, when you see Elena with questions in her mind. You were taken aback because she could ask you about different things, vampire or supernatural topics that you could answer.

But love, love was a hard topic. It sure is a funny topic.

“Well, why do you ask?” You teased softly, “Are you in love with Damon? Stefan?”

“Uh - no!”

You chuckled, shaking your head before the silence took over and seriousness had washed over you, “Love sure is painful. Trust me, I would know.”

“Yeah...”

“Well, that’s enough love talk from me. I am very tired and very much gay. “

“Where are you going?” Elena asked, you looked at her funny.

“Didn’t you hear me? I’m very much gay, so I’m going to yearn, god knows where that’ll take me.”

Your feet lead you out, but you found yourself upon a hill with a nice view. You recognised it almost immediately, it was the spot that you and Damon use to come to meet up and hang about when you were human.

“You know, I thought I would see you here.”

“Oh, god,” You said almost as quick as your reflexes allow you too.

“I’m going to pretend that didn’t hurt my feelings,” Damon responded.

The two of your stand quietly on the hill, a tree covering the two of you in the sun. The quietness was somewhat relaxing rather than uncomfortable.

“Can I ask you a question?” Damon says you turn your head slightly to show that you are listening because even after all this time you couldn’t just ignore him.

“Could you see yourself loving me?”

There was silence before there was a sharp inhale from you and a deep exhale, you remember the question all too well just like Damon, “Probably not.”

Damon was not surprised by the answer, he wonders if you said it out of spite or if that’s how you truly felt.

“Could you try?”

You paused for a second, Damon allowed you to think before he sees you started to turn your back. You muster up the courage to form your answer as you could feel both your hearts breaking.

“No.”

#damon salvatore #damon salvatore imagine #damon salvatore x male reader #x male reader #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries x male reader

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burndownyourparade · 3 years

Text

Dabi x Reader - Crossed My Heart

This literally had zero direction. It’s my first reader insert piece and it has nothing to do with the Olivia Rodrigo song, the lyric was mainly used as a loose prompt inspiration. It’s also been a long as heck time since I’ve sat down and really written anything so oof. But, I do plan on writing some more drabbles here and there. I’ve got Dabi/Touya brain rot bad. So expect a lot of him.

You used me as an alibi. I crossed my heart as you crossed the line.

pairing: dabi x reader (gender not specified)

length: 2k words

genre: angst, fluff if you squint real hard

warnings: mentions of death, the burning at sekoto peak. nothing detailed.

You’d been there. You had watched him go up in flames. The beautiful bright blue dancing across your eyes and you knew you’d never see him again. He’d be lost to you forever, but you promised.

And you were willing to do anything for him. Even if it meant breaking your own heart.

So when you’d sit up at Sekoto Peak every year after his disappearancedeath you’d curse his name. Curse him for leaving you behind, for not coming back to you. Not even a single sign of if he was okay.. If he was still out there.

When you’d seen this new villain on the news, just a few years ago, you had an inkling. A thought that maybe it had been him. He talked big about getting back at his father. Dishing back out everything he’d had to endure as a child. And at age 15 when you encouraged him, you never thought it would come to this.

So today, when you sat up at Sekoto Peak, ten years after the incident, the spiteful, “Fuck you, Touya.” That left your lips didn’t go unheard.

In all honesty he’d planned on coming clean. He had planned on coming back to you. After all, you were the only person who really meant anything to him. But then he got way too involved with Stain’s cause and the league, there was no way he was going to risk putting you in any danger. If that meant having to write you off, then so be it.

Eventually you’d find out that Dabi was Touya, eventually you’d know that he was still alive after all these years. No more doubt would cloud your mind, but he had a feeling you’d come to hate him for waiting so goddamn long.

It was when he’d heard his name, the anger dripping from your sweet voice that had him moving his feet towards you. He wasn’t planning to reveal himself, but he needed to at least try redeeming himself before even thinking of continuing his plan to bring down Endeavor. None of it would have meant anything if he couldn’t come back to you. If he wasn’t going to be able to run away with you like the two of you had planned.

“You have to promise you won’t tell anyone about this.” Touya held your hands in his, begging you. He was tired and run down. Bandages wrapped around his arms from his most recent burns. He didn’t know how he was going to do it. But he was going to fake his death. He was going to run away.

You stared at him, wide eyed and reluctantly nodded your head to his plea. “Will I see you again?” The fear was evident in your voice and if that quiver didn’t give you away, then the way that your hands shook in his would. The tears in your eyes blurred your vision, but you could still see him. You could see his messy white hair fall into his bright blue eyes. You could see the bruise that was forming under the left eye, no doubt a result of training. And you wondered if this was his only solution. If this was really the only way that he’d be able to outrun this.

He could practically feel the pain reverberating off of you, it bounced off of him too. He didn’t want to leave you. But he had no other choice. He was trapped and all he wanted was to make something of himself. To prove to his father and everyone around him that he wasn’t worthless, he wasn’t a lost cause. He could do it, too. He was powerful just like Shoto.

Touya was torn, he knew that this hurt you… Leaving you hurt him too, even if you couldn’t see it. Even if he was acting selfishly. “Of course.” He nodded, snow white hair moving wildly with the frantic nodding of his head. “I’ll come back for you and we’ll run away.” He promised, you could see the makings of a plan in his head. The way that his eyes moved when he was deep in thought, “We can start a life together. Build a house and adopt all the cats and dogs you want!” His hands moved to your shoulders, shaking you lightly with excitement before pulling you into him. His arms wrapping around you tightly.

He never cried in front of you, but today was different. He didn’t know when he’d see you after today, but he did know he refused to break his promise to you. A single tear slipped down his cheek.

“I love you, Touya.” You murmured into his shirt, breathing him in. If this was the last time in a while, then you were going to make the most of it. You tilted your head, looking up at him. Sadness washing over you and feeling your own tears begin to slip. You leaned up on your toes, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth and felt the way his lips turned upwards in a soft smile. An almost dreamy looking flashing across his face.

“I love you too, (y/n)... I’ll come back for you, I swear.” His hands shifted again, this time to cup your cheeks and bring your lips to his. This kiss was soft and sweet, not unlike ones you’ve shared before but there was a sense of urgency to this one. Almost like he had been trying to convey every single thing he felt for you in this brief moment. He didn’t want to pull away, but when he did he felt your hands tighten around the fabric of his shirt. Just barely hearing your whisper begging him not to go, but he shook his head, gently moving your hands to take a step back from you.

“Please don’t watch…” Touya asked, giving you a gentle shove away from him. “Once you see my flames run… Run and tell someone about the fire and then go home. I’ll see you again soon, I promise.”

You bit your lip and nodded your head, running a safe distance away into the trees. Waiting to watch his flames burn around him. You stuck around a little longer than he’d asked you to, only to make sure that he was safe… That he was still okay. But you couldn’t make out anything other than the heat and Touya’s screams.

At fifteen your heart shouldn’t have shattered that hard.

He didn’t know how you’d react to this. Hell, he didn’t even know what he was doing. Dabi had never planned on this. He was merely moving on pure emotion now. On things he thought he had forgotten, but when it came to you he was always weak. The only reason his resolve had even broken in the first place was because of how angry you sounded. The villain hated the thought of him becoming nothing to you. Ironic, when he was practically nothing to everyone else.

You stood in the same place where you both had parted ten years ago and he was quietly standing just a few feet behind you. He was uncertain of if he should reach out to you or just turn and run, was this even a good idea? But his feet wouldn’t stop and then his mouth started moving and before he knew it, he was speaking.

“This Touya guy must have really fucked up, huh?” He cringed, ten years and this was the first thing he was saying to you? Ideally, in his head, whatever he’d dreamt up in his spare time was grandiose plans of sweeping you off your feet. He’d be done with the league, ready to pack up and start brand new. He’d have taken down Endeavor’s credibility and shattered Enji’s entire world. Yeah, that son of his who wasn’t going to amount to anything? He was something now. He was his greatest nightmare and deepest failure. And the consequences of his actions were coming back to bite him in the ass. Then, he’d be there for you. In the night he’d have found you, confessed his deepest feelings and that nothing had changed. Then you’d run away like he promised.

Your fists clenched at your sides, you recognized that voice, of course you did. How wouldn’t you when his promise haunted your dreams every night? His voice was a little deeper, raspier, richer. And for a moment, you hesitated in turning to face him, but when you did you couldn’t stop the way that your heart picked up pace. It was him, in the flesh, Touya was here. But he wasn’t Touya anymore… Not on the outside.

“Yeah, he’s a fucking asshole.” You played along with him. Both of you knew this was just a game, testing the waters to see if anything had really changed. “Promised he’d come back for me, but never showed up.” There was a smile on your face now, a sad one and Dabi felt his heart clench in his chest when he saw it. “Waited ten years for him.” You pressed, watching his reactions.

He deflated, he didn’t have an excuse. He could have come to you sooner and he knew that his whole keeping you safe excuse was bullshit. Dabi was just afraid. He was afraid of what you’d think when you saw him again. Dabi wasn’t Touya. He didn’t look like the boy you’d fallen in love with before. Smooth, pale skin was now rough and charred, the white hair with tufts of red now dyed black and coarse from the years of mistreatment. “I’m sorry.” Was all he could say.

“You could have come to me.” Your voice was soft and he knew that you were hurt. “Why didn’t you come back for me?” The way that your voice cracked made his heart break. He prided himself on being hard, on not allowing himself to feel petty emotions anymore, but unbeknownst to his comrades; you’d always be the only exception.

He was honest with you, “I was afraid.” And it was the first time in ten years that he’d been vulnerable, he was almost ready to run off with you. Dabi was ready to give up on his revenge plot against Endeavor, he just wanted to run away with you. To be just (y/n) and Touya.

“Of what?” You asked, nearly breathless and unbelieving. There was nothing he had to worry about. It didn’t matter who he was now or what he was doing. He would always be Touya to you. A boy who suffered more than he should have. The boy that you were ready to drop everything and run off with. The only boy you had ever loved and would ever love.

“I’m not the same.” He looked at you, uncertain. He still hadn’t gotten any closer to you and his hands twitched with anticipation. It had been so long since he’s held you. Dabi wanted to close the distance, to pull you into him and feel whole again.

“You’re still you.” You countered, shaking your head. You weren’t about to give the villain any room for excuses. He was still him and that’s all he’d ever be to you. You knew that he knew that.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, this time Dabi took a step closer to you. Carefully watching your movements, gauging on if he could move any closer. When there wasn’t any move on your part to shift away from him he took another step. And another.. Another, another, until he was wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you into him. His lips gently touch the crown of your head, inhaling your scent. “Run away with me.”

You returned his touch almost immediately, arms wrapping around his thin middle. Melting into him and letting out a sob of relief, you were home again. “I thought you’d never ask.”

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

Text

just because you’re afraid it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Titans 3.05

once more into the cold dark void of the internet with my stream-of-consciousness take on a superhero tv show...

spoilers ahead.

1. i cannot believe that among the first things i get to hear in this episode with my own two ears is the line 'eluded our overdudes'. why must you give me such pain along with so much joy, show?

1.5. scarecrow stringing jason along on this path to red-hood-dom is not something i would’ve ever expected, but does kind of make sense.

1.55. i don’t know all the details of the original resurrection arc in the comics but i like that jason, weirdly, has a greater role to play in his own demise and rebirth? i think it makes it easier to draw a line between his past trauma, the demonstrably shitty and terrifying responsibility of being robin, the ways bruce and the titans wronged him, his responses to that, the reasons he turns to scarecrow, and his final evolution to red hood. it makes for a smoother character arc rather than a one that was interrupted for two decades before somebody went oh hey let’s resurrect that kid that the audience once voted to kill and make him an anti-hero!

1.75. what’s crane giving him? anti fear toxin? anyway, crane is a fucking creep and i’m not sure i want to see a whole lot of him on my screen.

2. oh, um, heads up: there’s a long sequence of unsteady cam + flickering lights right after the title card upto the 3:16 mark. it’s a bit headache-inducing so if you want to skip, you can go ahead and do that.

2.45. that’s... weird... why would he dream about... donna...

ok, who am i kidding. i’m going to jump right into my theory about Why Titans Makes Sense Actually because the show itself is apparently not interested in explaining itself:

a) it makes no sense for jason to be conjuring up donna--who famously did not care much for him!--in his dreams. (he wasn’t even there when she died.) or for her to be telling him don’t go or there’s still time.

b) this leads me to think that that’s actually donna, in some sort of limbo between life and death, the kind of place where jericho used to be

c) rachel has demonstrated that she has the power to link the minds of the titans across great distances--she called jason and hank/dawn for help in 2.01, she linked up everybody later in the season, projected dick’s hallucination of his father into their brains without even realising she was doing it, and in the finale, she managed to get dick into conner’s brain. she’s in themyscira now. is this how she gets donna back to life? but reaching out to her in that non-space between life and death?

d) the next obvious question is: why isn’t donna appearing in the dreams of the other titans? she probably is, but they have better reason to be dreaming about her since they were actually close to her, unlike jason.

e) but why would she warn jason in particular? does she foresee jason entering the afterlife--however briefly? does she have an idea of what jason plans to do and what he will become?

f) anyway, more trippy mindscapes and weird psychic powers, yay!

2.5. my heart clenched when bruce comforted jason post-nightmare: clearly i’ve been reading way too much batfam fic. this is a side of bruce we haven’t really been told to expect by all the characters on the show calling him a ‘psychopath’ (*cough*unreliablenarrators*cough*) and him getting jason to speak to a professional speaks volumes about the kind of self-reflection he’s done post dick’s departure, and maybe some of the regrets he has with regards to how he dealt with dick’s traumas.

i mean, just look at him when jason dismisses his concerns! BRUCE IS TRYING JASON

anyway, i have a whole lot more i want to say about this, but i’ll save it for later.

also: LESLIE THOMPKINS!!!!

3. i really like molly--and i love that she’s a friend from before jason got taken in by bruce, the implication that they meet up regularly and that she’s a grounding influence on him (tho clearly not grounding enough to not go along with his dumbass idea about confronting a child trafficker alone).

3.5. aw, jason. robin was his armour against everything in the world that would throw him down and chew him to bits, but san francisco proved that even robin wasn’t enough to protect him. it’s really interesting how ‘disillusionment with the idea of robin’ is so integral to the traumas of both dick and jason but in such different ways.

4. LESLIE!!!!!!! i even forgive her office being so goddamn blue because leslie!

4.5. it makes so much sense for titans!verse leslie to be a therapist, because this show is so inward looking anyway, and therapist sessions are a useful tool to showcase this character work in a story. besides, at least in fanfic, leslie often seems to double up as a counsellor anyway.

4.6. oh man. i’m not terribly convinced by walters’ red hood (tho i think that may be the point--argh. i’ll come back to this thought later. have to stop getting distracted!) but he plays the asshole kid that’s trying not to let any real emotion seep through really well.

“you’d like me to punch you, wouldn’t you”

5. not sure what to think of batman’s little trophy case other than the show winking unsubtly at us and going look look - catwoman! the riddler! two face! you excited yet?! it’s like the scene from the end of amazing spiderman 2 when they were trying to drum up excitement for a sinister six spinoff by having harry osborne walk by a bunch of display cases with stuff from iconic villains in them.

... but then again, bruce does like to display a lot of shit in his batcave, including his dead robin’s bloodstained costume, so.

5.5. bruce is so soft with jason it’s killing me. beyond just trying to learn from his mistakes with dick, it speaks to his own genuine desire to balance his dedication to gotham with doing the best by his sons, although he’s often not successful with that.

i love that titans is really playing the long game with bruce wayne, with each season and character-perspective sliding in fresh pieces of a bigger puzzle. titans’ bruce has always been a phantom of other peoples’ making, but now we’re getting the idea that he’s a whole lot more complicated than other people make it seem.

5.75. it really recontextualises some of his actions from previous seasons: the fact that he locked dick out of his security systems in 1.06 is likely his way of respecting dick’s independence and his desire not to be associated with batman/gotham anymore. jason knowing about bruce’s tracker while dick doesn’t is probably bruce trying to be more honest and upfront with his charges. bruce sending jason packing off to sanfran to spend time with the titans is probably not him passing on a big responsibility to dick (as i first uncharitably thought) but him trying to get jason out of the toxic influence of gotham for a while and a sign of his trust in dick as a leader and a mentor,

5.8. i mean, bruce is a prick, but he’s also human.

6. i think leslie is doing some good work with jason here, though she may have overstepped the line with her line about robin as a construct being projected by a man with BPD. her speculations about bruce’s diagnosis have no place in her session with jason, and if bruce confides in her, an egregious violation of patient-therapist confidentiality.

(about the diagnosis itself... i don’t know. i can’t really confirm or refute this without a whole lot more information, and i’m not sure if the writer of this episode means BPD in the same way an actual professional might.)

6.5. i think a huge thing that gets missed out in a lot of recent comics as well as movies/shows is that bruce didn’t create the robin persona out of whole cloth. dick did. he’s the starting point of that legacy and to call it entirely bruce’s creation is blatant erasure of that. in fact, i’m surprised that dick doesn’t feature more in the conversations they’re having about the pressures of being robin. after all, the guy had been robin--bruce’s partner--for such a long time before jason.

6.8. (and here’s the primal part of me that resonates the deepest with dick grayson--the Eldest Daughter part--that’s sort of resentful: that jason gets the therapy and softness and the learning from mistakes when it took years and years for bruce to reach out in any meaningful way to dick.)

7. oooh that was a great scene!

it’s fun to do these stream-of-consciousness live reactions, because the moment you step down from your soapbox, the episode goes right into tackling what you were just complaining about. bruce means well, he’s learning, but he goes about exactly the wrong way to help jason: taking away robin now can’t be read by jason as anything but a devastating judgment call from bruce. and iain glen really sells the moment that bruce realises this--too late--and his helplessness in trying to get jason to see that it isn’t jason’s fault that he’s trying to do this. he loves jason enough that jason is enough.

7.5. aaaah so jason brings up the elephant in the room at last. dick got everything makes sense from his perspective, where getting to put on a costume and fight crime means approval, means being something stronger and better than you are. dick got to be robin, then nightwing, and a leader of a whole team of other costume-clad heroes.

8. ... how did jason just walk into arkham????? this is ridiculous.

8.3. i mean, clearly jason’s not thinking straight, but betraying batman like this puts his possibilities of being robin again even further away.

8.5. watching that chemistry experiment montage was strangely funny. this guy is looking for an antidote to fear? well, constantly mixing up and inhaling gases concocted by a mad-scientist supervillain is something only the very fearless--reckless to the point of foolishness!--would do. what’s to say crane’s not given you a formula for a drug that will keep you tethered to his every will and whim? hmmmm?

8.7. so he sought out the joker to... test the formula???

9. wow the “loud and clear... boss” hits different after a whole episode of them referring to each other as father and son.

9.3. waitwaitwait HOLD UP. wait a DANG MINUTE. you’re telling me that scarecrow had enough resources that he could not only have folks on the outside steal jason away and dunk him in a lazarus pit (i TOLD you that this show would bring up and dismiss ra’s al ghul in a ten second aside! I TOLD YOU) but also have his own little chemistry lab in the basement, AND have enough resources for jason to build his red hood persona???????? all of this in barely twenty four hours?

well there goes my ‘jason orchestrated his death’ theory. it was nice while it lasted. *cups hands to the sky* fly away, my baby.

9.6. a part of me is gleeful at the rushed nature of such an iconic transformation though, especially when compared to all the character work that went before it. we’re so used to getting the opposite that it’s fucking delightful to have a show that’s more interested in exploring its characters’ minds rather than battle scenes or recreating transformations from the comics. that’s taken such bold and exciting steps to fully convey all the nuances of its most recognisable character, bruce wayne, from casting an older actor to play him to unflinchingly showing just how damaging the vigilante lifestyle has been to him and the people he loves. BRILLIANT

*sporfle*

10. again, heads up: a whole lot of flashing lights between 40:28 and 42:00.

10.3. i guess it’s the super-compressed timeline that’s really throwing me off. where did he have the time to get/develop the mind control thing from? or is it something that he got from the cabal of villains that he intimidated at the beginning of 3.02? very messy.

10.5. i love molly, i hope she shows up again this season.

11. aaaand that’s it! that was a solid episode as flashback episodes go, but now i can’t wait to return to the present.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #jason todd #bruce wayne #leslie thompkins #a tragic jalebi #robin #red hood

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ginisbetterthanfirewhiskey · 3 years

Text

A Secure guy

Written for the Hinny Ficfest 2021.

Thank you @clarensjoy for organizing this! Really! We're so lucky to have you!!

@thedistantdusk , you're a sweetheart and I love you. Thank you again for everything. That was the sweetest surprise.

Prompts:

#66: “That was the last time. I’m serious this time.”

#85: “She deserves flowers and gifts and a secure guy who isn’t almost murdered by lunatics left and right and I can’t give her that.”

Also available on Ao3.

TW: Rated M just in case. And really angsty.

She deserved flowers and gifts and a secure guy who wasn’t almost murdered by lunatics left and right and he couldn’t give her that.

Harry knew it was a matter of time, he wasn’t that stupid or delusional.

He just hoped it’d never come and the emotions jostling in his heart hurt like hell, so much more he’d thought it would.

The bed bounced when she retrieved her jumper from the floor of his room and got dressed.

“That was the last time. I’m serious this time,” Ginny murmured in the night, hooking her bra behind her back, her voice colder than ever before.

Harry contented himself to nod, unable to come up with a reply anyway. The ball in his throat suffocated him, and yet, to his despair, he wasn’t dying.

She meant it this time, it was evident. He had to resign himself that it was over, the end of a story, of a story he had himself destroyed. Ginny had turned the page and it wasn’t her fault if he was still stuck in the past.

It was over. Never again would the tips of his fingers graze her hot skin, his palms brush her thighs, his lips skim her face or his nails scratch at her back.

It would be someone else’s task now, he reckoned.

She hadn’t looked at him at all this time, keeping her eyes shut, her lips away from his, like it was now forbidden to cross that line. He’d noticed the difference right away, leaving him tight-lipped. His lips had searched hers but she’d turned her head, her long hair colliding with his face. His heart racing, his movements unsteady, he’d tried again, but she’d pulled back completely, increasing the speed of her hips connecting with his, her hands clutching his biceps.

Harry understood at this instant that something had changed in their intimate relationship, that she wasn’t interested to share that part of her with him anymore. He contented himself to observe her while he was trying to pleasure her, her silhouette blurred from his lack of glasses. He cherished every pant and sigh coming from her lips, touching, with a heavy heart, these sections of her body only he knew of.

For now.

It had killed him to not feel her trembling on him from the intensity of their love-making. Ginny had jumped from him the second she finished like he’d burned her. Clenching his jaw, he realized another man would have that chance now, and that he should have relished in it more the last time they had been together. He hadn’t expected it, as stupid as it sounded, and now he was let trying to grasp at every single souvenirs of it he could recover in his memory.

Thus far, she’d stayed close to him in bed after, her head on his chest, her sweet smelling hair tickling his chin, just like before he decided to fuck it up.

But he prefered to crush his dream life then to live with the possibility of endangering her.

She got off of the bed, the sheet moving from his bare chest at the same time. He couldn’t look at her getting dressed or leaving his room for the last time, knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to bear it, that it would be the last image of them sharing something intimate together.

It was his decision and he couldn’t expect her to act like he hadn’t broken up with her.

Again.

His eyes stung, and yet, he did nothing to stop it, too devastated to sooth the pain. He stared at the ceiling of his room, arms crossed over his heart, attempting to protect the last bit of dignity he could gather.

The door closed behind her, the click reasonating in his ears, and he was left alone to face his intolerable heartache like a big boy. But it hurt more than knowing you were the only one to save the world, more than wishing your mum would rock you at night after a nightmare, realizing your aunt would probably be willing to do that for anyone else but you. Because you were different, you were dangerous.

Because Ginny had been the only one he’d ever trusted enough to be completely vulnerable in her presence, with whom he’d accepted to share the most private parts of him. Their relationship had been a turning point in his life, raw, essential to his survival. Special enough that she could scream to the world the feel of her lips on his was the principal reason they were rid of Voldemort.

The first threatening sob escaped his lips, the sound breaking the silence of the room, and then another, and another, and he found himself unable to control his shaken body.

Rolling on his side, he brought up his knees to his chest, struggling to breathe, the flow of his tears flooding his pillow.

He deserved the pain. He deserved it. Because he was different, too dangerous, and Ginny couldn’t be with him.

He grasped his comforter, bringing it to his nose in hope it was filled with her flowery scent and he could get the impression she was here, close to him. Just one last time. Just once.

Crying convulsively, shedding tear after tear, Harry didn’t even hear when the door creaked again.

“Sorry I forgot my- Harry?!”

He tried, really tried, to stop the last sob from crossing his lips, in vain. Sealing his lips together, Harry hoped Ginny wouldn’t judge him or take pity on him, or worse, fetch Ron.

He stayed still, hearing his heart pumping in his ears and feeling dizzy from the sadness and anger at himself consuming his insides.

The mattress sank under Ginny’s weight and Harry felt her feet against his calves. One of her hands settled on his shoulder, the other one taking residence in his hair, tentatively brushing lock after lock. She pressed against his back, her clothes remembering him she didn’t stay this time.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’m here,” she whispered in his ear.

“You-you don’t want to be here,” he managed to reply, shame rousing inside him. Harry was mortified she found him in a ball on his bed after they just had sex. His chagrin was eating him alive, sending him spiralling in a dark void where he could only feel hatred and disgust for himself, but also heartache and something related to agony, he was sure of it.

The silence stretched a moment until Harry sniffed, his hand squeezing the comforter tighter against his chest. An owl hooted outside, reviving Harry’s melancholy at not having Hedwig to talk to, with whom he could share without embarrassment his fright of dying without being loved.

“That’s only because you don’t want me to be here, Harry,” murmured Ginny, her words shattering his heart. Regret burnt in his veins, knowing he’d afflicted Ginny with his deepest terror.

Being dumped, ditched by the person you trusted the most.

Harry turned on his back, needing her to understand she did nothing wrong, on the contrary, that he never wanted her to feel abandoned or betrayed. But the words died in his throat when he saw her eyes filled with her own tears.

“I just want to protect you from me,” he pleaded with her to understand. She had to understand.

Ginny closed her eyes, inhaling sharply, the hand that was on his shoulder now playing with the hair on his chest, close to his heart. Harry remembered that time to cherish it, to incrust in his mind the solace her small fingers on his skin brought him, soothing the violent anguish torturing his mind. “You’re hurting me more than anyone else could ever do,” she spat at him.

He sniffed again, her words like a knife twisting his heart. He searched for something to say, for the best way to explain his train of thoughts, but he’d never been the best at formulating his idea.

“Well, I guess I have nothing else to do here,” said Ginny, and he felt her hand lifting from his chest.

He panicked. “No, no. Stay. Please, Ginny.”

She frowned. “Why? For me to hurt even more when you’ll tell me you didn’t change your mind? That you still don’t want to be with me? Just in case? You can’t, Harry. It can’t continue. You can’t fuck me, kiss me like we were still together, and then expect me to be all good with it when you gently remind me we’re not. It’s destroying me,” Ginny said, her voice cracking. Her hand lifted to her mouth and she closed her eyes before turning her back to him, exactly like she did when he let her alone in her room after their last kiss years ago.

He let her down so many times.

But all he could think of was that: Was she really thinking he only used her body lately for his own physical needs? How could she have been aware that each time they had touched, it had been the only times he’d felt alive lately?

She wasn’t trusting him anymore, just like most people she knew. He was now discarded in the “dangerous category”, the same as Tom.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Swallowing, he pressed his palms to his teary eyes, begging himself to regain control of his emotions. Harry sat up, his hand shaking when he moved it to her back. “Don’t- don’t hide from me.”

He started caressing her back, feeling more confident with her than he ever felt with any other crying girl. Merlin, he was so messed up, he didn’t even know why Ginny ever wanted him.

Harry should have realised Ginny's trust was something difficult --maybe impossible-- to regain, and that was why she didn’t turn back, still trying to muffle up her sobs.

He had to try though, to show her it was real what they ever shared, that he meant it when he told her he loved her. He should have said it more, showed it more.

At this point, Harry didn’t even know what he was doing, his mind confused, his needs, desires, dreams and fears all twirling and colliding in his head. There were still dangers at being with him, to be displayed by his side, to be linked to him, and his anxiety of losing her was strong enough to leave him breathless and choking in fear. Harry was unable to think straight when it happened, ready to do anything to keep her safe.

Yet, he made a mistake. Again. He knew it now.

“I’m sorry, Gin. I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, laying his forehead on her shoulder.

The tears started flowing from his eyes again but he didn’t hold them in, knowing it was no use. Not when it came to her being in pain, a pain he caused.

“I-I don’t,” he tried. “I don’t know what-what to do. I don’t want you to die too.”

There was a beat, and then Ginny turned, laying her forehead on his, keeping her eyes close. “I understand, I’m terrorized by the idea of you dying too,” she confided to him, her fingers dancing around his wrist. “Just- I’m my own person and it’s my choice who I date. Just act with your heart for once. I’ll deal with your decision, but-”

“Can I kiss you?” whispered Harry, knowing he’d made up his mind. A life without her was meaningless and he was nonfunctional without her love. His hand went up to her freckled cheek, the skin there so soft compared to his rough palm.

Taken aback, Ginny swallowed before humming in response. Without opening her eyes, she leaned her mouth to his, her breath warming his chin. The tip of her tongue moisted her lips in the most tantalizing way, causing Harry’s head to spin, and then she crushed her lips to his.

He kissed her with fervor, with a passion he wasn’t aware he was capable of. She pushed on his chest and he brought her body with his on the mattress. Straddling him, she kissed his neck and he felt himself being consumed with desire, with a powerful lust leaving him panting. Ginny chuckled in his neck and then lifted her head to look into his eyes, giving him such a sensual smile he groaned in longing.

Their love-making this time was like he was remembering it: full of intensity and filled with love, little attentions and pure ecstasy.

"Give me some time," she whispered when they were regaining their breath, her head resting on his chest. “I-I need time.” Harry’s breath hitch and Ginny surely heard it because she lifted her head and moved on him to rest her chin on her hands, which were close to his heart. She kissed his chin tenderly.

“I love you, I just-”

“I understand,” said Harry, cutting her. Because he did, really did. “I’ll wait. I love you. Forever,” he told her earnestly, caressing her hair and promising himself he’d do all he ever needed to do to get her trust back.

#clarensjoy's hinny ficfest 2021 #post war hinny #angst #hinny ficfest #harry/ginny fanfic #harry potter #harry/ginny #a secure guy

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detectivehannibal · 4 years

Text

Two Timed

Hannibal Lecter x Will Graham x Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst.

Requested by: @vampirevatican

A/N (edit): I hear you guys’ plea for a part 2. I have another request to write, but it is on my radar!

Word Count: 2,598

“Don’t give him the satisfaction of a second chance.”

You had been suspicious for awhile. It was surely hard to ignore the tug in your chest that was telling you something was off. In the seven years you had been married to Hannibal Lecter, you had learned how to be a keen observer. You had learned to be a careful listener and a focused watcher. In a general sense, he had taught you to be extremely in touch with all of your senses. This was turning out to be your worst nightmare.

For starters, he was later coming home from work. You initially shrugged this off as perhaps he was off doing his unspeakable errands. However, the situation became very clear when he came home with just the slightest bit of lipstick on his shirt collar. Something that a non-observant person would blatantly miss. After that, all the signs were like a stop sign in your face. The unfamiliar scent of perfume that lingered around him when he walked past you. The simple yet vague answers he would give when you asked him about his day. It all came together quickly and life as you knew it was crashing down.

You didn’t want to believe that he was cheating on you. Hannibal Lecter, the most refined and morally just man you had ever known, being unfaithful to his wife. It was shocking and quite ironic. You didn’t want to have to go snooping for answers. You had always respected Hannibal’s space and personal belongings and never touched anything without asking first. However, you were too upset one fateful evening to care at this point. You searched every part of his study searching for even the smallest hint as of to who this mystery woman was.

That’s when you found the letter.

It wasn’t easy to spot. It wasn’t exactly sitting in plain view. You had to rummage through stacks of papers and folders before you saw it. The letter had been written on archival paper, something a little more formal and had some weight to it as it rested in your hands. The seamless piece of paper was addressed to “My dearest Alana” in Hannibal’s unmistakable handwriting.

Oh.

Your heart sank into your shoes when you read the header. This had to be a mistake. Surely this wasn’t the Dr. Alana Bloom who had been over for dinner on multiple occasions. The woman who had been mentored by your husband when she was in school to be a psychiatrist. It made your stomach curl in the worst way. The very woman who was acting as your husband’s mistress had been under your nose the entire time. You had almost wished she had been a stranger to you.

The fact that you were finding out due to a letter was a double smack in the face. When you were dating Hannibal, he often would write you letters of the same magnitude. They expressed his deepest care and feelings for you. It was his way of pouring his soul and heart out to you. Now it seemed that had meant absolutely nothing.

Hot tears wasted no time filling your eyes and streaming your cheeks. This was the most betrayal you had ever felt. You were overwhelmed with anger, sadness, disappointment, and hurt all at the same time. How could he do this to you? You never in a million years would you have seen this coming. He was so adamant about people who were disrespectful and had no regard for others. This was very out of character.

You shoved the letter back where you found it and raced to your car. There was no way you could stay here. You needed to get away to think. You needed to find someone who would care enough to listen before you did something stupid. Will Graham was your first immediate thought. You had been friends with him before ever knowing Hannibal. As a matter of fact, you met Hannibal through Will. You knew Will would listen. He was always there for you no matter what...whether he cared to be or not. His home was about an hour away from you and Hannibal’s shared home. It was a bit of a drive, but you were desperate. You pondered how to handle the situation while you were in commute.

Your immediate solution was to turn Hannibal in to the police. You knew he was the killer they had been looking for. It would be the ultimate revenge and the most badass way to leave your lasting mark. You could have Hannibal Lecter at your mercy. You had the power to end his reign of cannibalistic terror. Unfortunately this plan had its leaks and you realized something infuriating. Hannibal would always be one step ahead. More than likely, he’d find out that you knew of the affair just as you were reporting him to Jack Crawford. He would obviously know that giving him up would be your first response and he’d have ample amount of time to get away without a trace.

And then you’d end up dead at his hands.

Damn him. At the time being, you were unsure of what to do. You could never attempt to live life as it was before while also knowing of his secret affair. That would be too cruel to yourself. You were worth way more than that. You deserved better.

After what felt like an eternity, you pulled into Will’s yard. You hoped he wouldn’t mind an unexpected visit. It wasn’t too terribly late into the night, only about 9:15 or so. You knocked on his front door gently, this was followed by a sound from the inside of multiple sets of fuzzy paws rushing towards the door, alerting their human that he had a visitor. You peeked through the window to see a group of wagging tails and bright canine eyes. Oh, to be one of Will’s stray pups. You would always be well fed, treated with care, and have a cozy place to live. What a life.

Will approached the door finally, his brows slightly dipping upon seeing your reddened eyes and flushed skin. You managed to hold it together long enough to muster a shaky greeting once he opened the door;

“Hi, Will.”

He was holding the doorknob with one hand, his other resting on the door frame;

“Hello,” He said suspiciously; “Have you been crying?”

Your lip quivered at his questions and a fresh round of tears welled up;

“Can I come in?” You asked choking down a sob.

A brief flash of panic crossed the unofficial FBI agent’s face. He didn’t do well with a crying woman. He stepped aside to allow you to enter his home. You were happily welcomed by his dogs, Winston even sitting by your feet to request an ear rub. You squatted in front of him and stroked his soft, honey colored fur. He licked your salty tears from your cheeks, a sad laugh coming from your chest.

Will closed the door behind him and frantically tried to see if he could figure out what was wrong without having to ask and further upset you. He noted that you weren’t wearing your wedding ring. You never left the house without it, so he knew it had something to do with Hannibal. Once you rose back from the floor and turned to him, he spoke;

“Did Hannibal do something?” He asked as gently as possible.

He hated seeing you upset. He didn’t want to make it worse. You nodded in response, the flood of emotions washing over you again. The reality of the situation was really beginning to set in.

“Yeah. He...He’s cheating on me,” You said with a cracking voice. You went on at the sight of Will’s face going white; “I found a love letter in his study.”

His eyes widened as he took a moment to process what you were saying. Who would ever want to be unfaithful to you? You were perfect in every way.

“Are you sure it wasn’t for you? Perhaps he hadn’t addressed it yet?” He offered a simple solution.

If only that simplicity was the truth. You fell onto his sofa and shook your head;

“It was addressed to Alana.” You stated.

Now that made his blood turn cold. This couldn’t be happening.

“Alana Bloom? What makes you so sure it’s her?” He asked in disbelief, sitting next to you

“Because she’s the only Alana that Hannibal and I both know, Will. She’s the only logical person. They go way back.” You said feeling defeated.

Will stressfully ran a hand through his hair. As a third party this was a lot to take in. He could only imagine how you were feeling. Just like you, he never would’ve expected this from either of them.

“[Y/N], I’m sorry.” He apologized.

He couldn’t help but feel a little responsible. He was the one who had introduced you two after all. He felt that this could’ve been avoided.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” You said honestly; “I’m sorry for coming over here and making this your problem too. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Your problems can always be mine. I guarantee that. You can always come here.” He comforted.

You gave the best smile you could. Will had really always been there for you. If he was being honest, he wanted to kiss you in that moment. He just wanted you to understand how much he cared about you. He never wanted you to doubt it. But he didn’t kiss you. He would never take advantage of your emotions like that. After all, you were still a married woman. He didn’t want to force you to stoop to Hannibal’s level. Instead, he just put a hand over yours and rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand.

On the subject of Hannibal, your phone had buzzed in your bag several times over the last several minutes. You knew it was Hannibal wondering where you were. You also knew he would quickly figure out that you were at Will’s home considering that he’s the only person you’d ever go see this late at night. It wouldn’t be long before Hannibal would be at his front door looking for you.

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t live with him knowing he’s got someone on the side.” You admitted.

“You especially shouldn’t live with him now. You can’t stay married.” He advised.

You knew this. You had a strict rule that always applied to your previous relationships. There was no excuse for cheating. That would be a dealbreaker every time. Divorce was common, but you never thought you’d end up a divorced woman.

“I know. I mean what do I say to him?” You asked.

Will tucked his head to the side. It was a loaded question for sure. He wasn’t the relationship expert. He hadn’t had many serious relationships in his life.

“Tell him how you feel. Make sure he understands how much he’s hurt you. Don’t hold back just because you love him,” He replied; “Don’t give him the satisfaction of a second chance.”

You were listening against your better judgement. You wanted so badly for this to just be a horrible dream. You wanted to wake up and this not be real. Silence fell over the both of you. You were out of things to say. You started sobbing again, collapsing into Will’s arms. He held you as you cries filled his home and caused his dogs to whine in sympathy. Your pity party was interrupted by a knock on the door a few minutes later.

The man of the hour had arrived.

Part of you wanted to run away and never see him again, but then you’d never get to tell him how you felt. And also he’d find you in record time. Will shot you a look before getting up to answer the door. Hannibal was standing there, still in his work suit and his demeanor was as cool as ever.

“Hello, Will. Is [Y/N] here? She doesn’t seem to be at home,” He stated.

“Yeah,” Will responded flatly; “She’s here. You’ve got some nerve showing up here, Dr. Lecter.”

Will was upset. His trusted psychiatrist had hurt his best friend by using his other friend. He had a right to be angry. Hannibal looked over Will’s shoulder to find you on the couch. He pushed past Will and into the room;

“Darling, I really wish you had informed me that you were going to be here.” He said disregarding Will’s previous sentence.

You stood from the couch. You were furious, yet calm. You stood in front of your husband, looking into his dark eyes with a numb expression. This was your chance.

“I know, Hannibal. I know about you and Alana.” You confessed.

While his face didn’t show any signs of shock, his heart skipped a beat. He obviously had never planned on you finding out, so this wasn’t what he expected. Will was watching, arms crossed as he observed.

“How did you find out?” Hannibal asked nonchalantly.

If he had to guess, he would’ve suspected that maybe Alana came clean to Will who conveyed the truth. That was the first time Hannibal would’ve been wrong about anything.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know about it. And I want you to know how much you’ve hurt me because of it.” You said.

You weren’t crying anymore. You were past that point.

“When I said ‘I do’ on our wedding day, I meant it. Every word of my vows was the truth. I was ecstatic to spend my life with you. I was beyond thrilled to have forever to spend with someone I loved. I just wish I had known it didn’t go both ways,” You spoke softly; “If our marriage wasn’t what you signed up for, then I suppose I owe you an apology. But if it was everything you expected and it still wasn’t enough...then I don’t know what to tell you. I gave you...I gave us everything I had. My whole heart and soul. I wanted to be sure we were each other’s forever. But I see I didn’t do as well as I could have.”

Hannibal was speechless. There wasn’t anything he could say. He was ashamed. Ashamed of getting caught and ashamed for hurting an innocent person. You reached into your pocket and pulled out your wedding ring. You silently took his hand and placed it in his palm. It was cliche, but it was powerful. You were done.

“I’ll be moved out by tomorrow. Don’t try calling me. Don’t come looking for me. I’m leaving. I hope you can live with what you’ve done,” You said brushing past him.

You looked at Will as you went to exit his home. He knew you’d call him in a few days after you had time to yourself. You would never leave him behind. You stopped at the door, leaving Hannibal with one final sentence;

“Goodbye, Hannibal.”

You walked down the front porch steps and into your car. You didn’t know where you were going to go, but you had to get away somewhere. You drove away in silence, letting the road take you wherever it wanted. You couldn’t help but reflect on the good times you had with Hannibal. It would be inhuman not to. At the end of the day, even if it didn’t work out, Hannibal was your love story. You would never be able to change that.

No matter how hard you tried.

#hannibal #hannibal nbc #hannibal lecter #hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal lecter imagines #hannibal lecter ask

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marrys-dream-world · 3 years

Text

if we’re bound to be something, why not together? (chapter one)

Read on AO3

Summary: Ladybug had known being guardian wasn’t easy, but she wasn’t ready for the emotional and physical strain it would put her through. Or how isolated she would feel. Luckily for her, she has a partner she can trust for anything. Maybe it’s about time she shares her burdens.

(Alternatively: Ladybug starts relying on Chat Noir, learns she can do things their way and gets a boyfriend along the ride.)

Notes: It's july! I'm still finishing up my ladrien june fic, but I can't help myself, I have each chaPter planned out and had to write it. I'll try to post a chapter per day and hope you guys enjoy it! Day 1: Older. @ladynoirjuly

“Hey, Chaton, what do you want to be when you’re older?”

Ladybug could see that her question startled her partner as his cat eyes widened as he turned to her. They were sitting on the edge of a rooftop together after a successful patrol together, the first since she became the guardian of the miraculous. The sun was starting to set and she still had tons of things to do, from homework to kwami-proofing her room to Kitty Section concert outfits. But everything felt faraway as she watched Chat Noir be illuminated by the sunset.

“Why, my lady?” He purred, after she recovered from the shock. “Weren’t you the one that said ‘Chat Noir, if you say anything that might compromise your identity again, I swear I’ll…’?”

Maybe months ago she would have thought it sounded bitter or resentful, after all, she was the one that insisted on secret identities. But Chat Noir’s smirk was teasing and his posture was relaxed, so her catastrophizing was kept at bay.

“I don’t think knowing you’ll be, I don’t know, a doctor will let me find out who you are.” Ladybug said, trying to keep her tone light. From her partner’s frown, it didn’t work.

“Hey, bugaboo, is everything okay?” He asked gently.

She had heard girls at her school squeal about how attractive Chat Noir’s smoothness was, how they would swoon if a single flirt was thrown at them. Ladybug thought his devil may care attitude was more funny than attractive. What she could barely admit to herself, on quiet lonely nights when her crush on Adrien seemed hopeless, was that the softness he showed her in private made her heart beat faster than any pun he could send her way.

“I think you already know the answer.” She said, bringing her knees close to her chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes, maybe… I don’t really know, chaton.” Ladybug under his concerned eyes. It felt like they could see right through her, at times. “Being the guardian is… hard.”

“My lady…”

“I feel like I’m doing everything wrong, like I’m never going to live up to Master Fu.” She said, feeling a deep sense of loss. Chat Noir wouldn’t understand because they had never been close, but Master Fu had been her mentor and not having him to rely on made dread pool into her stomach. “He had been doing it for years and got discovered by Shadow Moth just because of me. How can I even hope to protect the miraculous box?”

“Hey, Master Fu learned to be a guardian at a time when there wasn’t a maniac trying to get the miraculous. And less than a year after working against someone, he had to give up guardianship!” He said, and she flinched back from how heated he was. “Look, bugaboo, I know how much you respect him, but I don't agree much. I trust you more as the guardian than I ever did him.”

“Chat Noir…” She started, touched by his trust in her. It never seemed to falter, no matter how she screwed up. “Thanks.”

“Can’t let you think you’re not good enough for anything, my lady, ‘cuz it’s simply not true.” He winked and she rolled her eyes.

“It’s just… I know what I want to do when I’m older.” Ladybug said, resting her chin on her knees. “I have a dream that I work very hard on, but these days I don’t have the time to eat or sleep well. I’m scared that this is it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m scared that being the guardian is just gonna take all of me and swallow it whole. I’m scared I won’t be able to do the things I want to do.” She swallows back a sob. “I’m scared the only thing I'll be able to be when I’m older is the guardian.”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but I know how you feel.” Chat Noir said, way more serious than she had ever seen him. “The idea that you’ll never actually be what you want to be because you have too many responsibilities that you can’t escape.”

“You do?” Ladybug asked. It was hard to imagine her carefree Chaton weighted down by anything.

His face held a mockery of a smile, too bittersweet. “Yeah, I do. I know there’s nothing I can say that’ll make you feel better, you have responsibilities that I can’t take from you. But what I can offer you is a helping paw: my lady, if you ever feel like this is too much, you can ask for help with anything.”

Chat Noir took one of her hands that was holding her knees together into a clawed one.

“You can trust me.” The real smile he gave her was brighter than the setting sun.

But would he still say that if he knew?

Because he had offered her a helping hand before, trying to distract her with a movie and then offering a conversation. And she, so sure that could do everything alone, had to do everything alone, pushed him and her friends away until she had to deal with a whole gang of akumatized girls. Until she completely broke down and told Alya her deepest secret.

I told someone who I am. She wanted to tell him, wanted to know if betrayal would fill his eyes or worse, resignation. Ladybug would rather have Chat Noir being angry at her than sad.

“My lady?” He said, after she was quiet a minute too long.

“Sorry, I spaced out.” She answered with a feeble smile. Coward. “Thanks for this, Chaton. I know that I can always count on you, I'll try to never forget it.”

“Make sure you do, bugaboo.” He never let go of her hand.

I’ll tell him next. She thought, squeezing his hand like he would disappear like words on the sand by the sea if she didn’t. I just want things to stay like this a little longer.

“And to answer your question, there is one thing I want to be when I’m older.”

“A house cat?”

“Haha, very funny.” He rolled his eyes, before turning his gaze to her again. It was adoring. “The one thing I want to be, even years from now, is by your side, my lady.”

Ladybug hoped he hadn’t said anything after. She couldn’t hear a sound over her pounding heart.

#ladynoirjuly #ladynoirjuly2021 #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #my stuff #ml fic #if we're bound to be something why not together

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ultimatebethylficlist · 3 years

Text

Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82 started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so.

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

#bethyl fanfiction #veteran author of the month

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leejungchans · 3 years

Text

— beach confessions.

word count: 1.4k

warning(s): mentions of struggles with self-esteem

notes: words in [ ] represent the editors’ comments added in post-production; words in bold represent those spoken in english!!

summary: juliet opens up during the beach confession activity on ateez treasure film.

a/n: watching this episode made me super teary :’) i hope you like this one! thank you for reading and feel free to leave feedback and/or chat with me!! have a nice day!! 💕💕

you can watch the episode here!

On one of their last nights in Sydney, the production team takes ATEEZ to the beach for a team mission they titled “Be bold enough to be blamed”, where they are to be honest with each other and confess to their blunders.

“Let’s listen to what each other has to say, no holding grudges, though!” Wooyoung says to them.

“No holding grudges!” Hongjoong agrees passionately before saying, “Forgive whatever each other confesses!” with Wooyoung in unison.

Juliet laughs. “Life is all about forgiveness,” she jokes, to which the leader turns on her and nods approvingly. [The maknae’s wise words]

“That’s right.”

She ponders over what to confess as she gazes out to the shoreline. It’s truly a beautiful night, the beach isn’t too crowded due to the late hour and the moon illuminates the waves. From where she is currently standing on the platform leading to the beach, she can still see the glimmering lights of the Sydney skyline.

Off-camera, the staff asked her to go first seeing that she is the youngest, but she was so nervous that Jongho volunteered to go instead. Juliet gives him a grateful smile and a gentle squeeze of his hand before he walks down the stairs from the platform and down to the designated spot on the beach, where more staff members are waiting with their filming equipment.

Jongho starts his confession off by asking them to scream for five seconds. Surprisingly, most of the members oblige without giving it a second thought. To her right, Seonghwa looks on in bewilderment. “Why are we doing this?” he murmurs, causing Juliet to giggle and elbow him softly.

“As the youngest member!” Jongho starts, but Wooyoung chimes in before he can continue.

“Come again?”

The youngest member laughs, already able to picture Jongho’s frustrated face. [ㅋㅋㅋ Wooyoung is funny] She is not disappointed when he angrily yells back a “Listen carefully!” in response, and the members dissolve into a fit of laughter at his cute reaction.

Despite the hilarious beginning, the rest of the youngest male’s confession takes a serious turn as he admits to having trouble expressing his feelings, as well as thanking the group for embracing this trait of his regardless.

Without realising, tears start forming in Juliet’s eyes as she listens to his heartfelt words. As the maknaes, Jongho is her partner in crime and a silent support, always there to encourage her. Despite his confession, she thinks that his company and friendship mean more to her than he can ever imagine.

When Jongho finishes, she reaches up to dab at her eyes gingerly with the sleeve of her sweater while the others shout praises, also clearly touched from his words.

Seonghwa cranes his head to find the maknae already wiping away her tears. “Oh no, she’s already crying,” he coos, arm reaching around to pull Juliet into a half-hug and rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. [Jongho’s touching words makes Juliet cry] This attracts the attention of the other members and the staff, and Juliet waves a hand in front of her face to signal to the latter that she’s okay and that the filming can continue.

“Aigoo, don’t cry, Julie,” Yunho, who is standing to her left, says as he strokes her hair. “There’s still eight of us left, you’ll be sobbing mess by the end,” he teases lightly.

Yeosang goes next, followed by Wooyoung, who confesses to being the one who didn’t do the dishes after eating ramen, prompting shouts of protest from the members.

“This is not cool!”

“So it really was you!”

Yunho leans on the railings. “Hey! You were the first one who got mad!”

Juliet smiles fondly, remember the chaos that ensued that night as they all debated on the culprit as no one had stepped forward to confess. At the time, it did cause some slight tension because someone had to have done it, and everyone was frustrated that no one was admitting to it. But looking back years later, it was a memory that the nine of them alone shared, no matter how many times they recount the story over their lifetimes.

She watches in relative silence during Mingi, Yunho and San’s turns, only bursting into giggles when the tallest member divulges that he accidentally kicked Mingi’s laptop the day before, causing the rapper to roar with halfhearted outrage.

However, the tears make a reappearance when San talks about his low self-esteem and thanks the members for their constant encouragement and affirmation. It genuinely pains her to see San, or any of the others, for that matter, to think of themselves poorly, because she couldn’t imagine any other people to share this journey with.

“You’re the best!” she yells with all her might, hoping he feels her sincerity.

The staff decides that she will go after Seonghwa and before Hongjoong. When Seonghwa’s turn ends, she races down the beach to give him a hug after his sentimental sharing. The eldest hands her the white flag printed with ATEEZ’s logo that each member had been holding during their confessions before running back to the others.

“Members! Can you hear me?” she yells as she waves the flag enthusiastically upon realising that they are further away from her than she had thought.

“Juliet! Please don’t cry!” San call out to her.

“If you cry, we’ll cry too!” Mingi adds.

“No promises!” she responds, laughing nervously and taking a deep breath. “I know it can feel weird having only one girl as your member, so I’m really sorry if my addition to the group has made any of you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ve ever told you guys this, but I always worry that I’m going to affect ATEEZ negatively and be a burden to you...” [The youngest opens up about her deepest feelings]

More tears spring to Juliet’s eyes once the words leave her lips, and she pauses to wipe away her tears. A staff member discreetly passes her a tissue off-camera. [Don’t cry, Juliet...ㅠㅠ] She’s kept such feelings buried for a long time, not knowing how to approach this topic with the boys and not wanting them to feel bad for her.

But she’s seen the comments—comments saying that her addition to ATEEZ will only drag the group down, like how they wouldn’t be able to be nominated for any boy group categories at award shows as ATEEZ isn’t a boy group for as long as she is in the group.

Reading those comments hurt. A lot. Juliet knows that the boys are aware of them, and she also knows that they do their best to shield her from seeing them. But if there’s one thing she’s learnt from being an idol, it’s that no matter how hard people—your company, your members, your family and friends—try to protect you from malicious remarks, they will find you regardless, plaguing your thoughts during the day and haunting your dreams when night falls. They make her question if she truly belongs, even if she knows deep down that the boys love her more than anything.

“Please don’t think like that!” Seonghwa yells, his voice cracking at the end. The maknae can’t see his face at the moment, but she will soon find out from watching the episode that his eyes were glossed over, overcome with emotion.

She hears Hongjoong’s voice next. “Yah! Who told you to think like that? I’ll beat them up!”

“That’s right!” Wooyoung agrees, “Jongho will come and beat them!”

“I will!”

Juliet laughs weakly at their half-serious threats before continuing with her confession. “The last thing I want to say is thank you! Thank you for being nothing but kind to me since the very beginning! I was really scared at first, but you guys quickly proved to me that I had nothing to worry about.”

She stops momentarily to sniff softly. “I hope you know that you all are very precious to me, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my second family. And I’m so thankful that you got to come to my hometown with me! Members, fighting! I hope ATEEZ can stay together for a long time! I love you!”

“I love you!”

With a bow towards the camera crew, Juliet runs clumsily back up the beach where she meets Hongjoong halfway as he heads to where she previously stood for his turn. The leader wraps his arms around her.

“Seonghwa’s right,” he says quietly so the microphones can’t catch his words, “don’t think like that. You are never a burden, Minyoung-ah, you are just as important to the group as any of us are.”

Juliet nods, raising her head from Hongjoong’s shoulder to see that the others have joined them on the beach, pulling the both of them into a group hug. [Nine makes one team ♡]

Juliet doesn’t know how she feels about destiny, but she thinks that it brought her to these eight boys who became her second family. For the first time in a while, she feels like she truly belongs.

#scenarios.juliet #ateez 9th member #ateez ninth member #9th member of ateez #kpop oc #idol oc #ateez oc #kpop addition #idol addition #ateez addition #kpop imagines #idol imagines #ateez imagines #kpop au #idol au #ateez au

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babyloposts · 3 years

Text

“It’s Not Safe”

OneShot

Warnings: angst, mild language, violence, references to non-con acts, unresolved ending

Pairing: Azumane Asahi x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.2k+

Fandom: Haikyuu!

Head Canon: none

Summary: The only thing worse than arguing with a s/o is being ignored by one. After a big argument about the future of Y/N and Asahi’s relationship, Asahi chooses to ignore the problem instead of talking it out. As a result Y/N takes the situation into her own hands, but it comes at a cost. -in which Azumane Asahi has to make a tough decision to secure a future together-

A/N: This one made me soft. Kind of out of my comfort zone, but I hope you like it. If you like my writing send me a request or a prompt and check out my other work. Thanks guys ;)

Y/N couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t think about anything that wasn’t Asahi.

The argument they had earlier played over and over inside Y/N’s brain. Why couldn’t Asahi just be reasonable. Of course she wanted to continue their relationship after high school, but it wouldn’t be that simple.

Y/N’s choice to study abroad was not an easy one to make, but she had to follow her dreams no matter what. She just wished that Asahi wasn’t so upset when he found out.

“What do you mean you’re leaving? W-we just took entrance exams last week. I thought you were going to a college in Japan.”

“That was the plan originally, but I got a scholarship to study in the US. I’d be crazy if I didn’t take this opportunity.” Y/N tried to explain to a clearly hurt Asahi. He sucked at hiding his emotions even when he tried to his hardest to mask his feelings. She reached for his hand, and took it hesitantly.

“You’d be crazy for staying here with me?” He mumbled. Y/N’s head dropped to look at the ground. She couldn’t face those sad eyes. It was enough to make her want to stay.

“We can make long distance work, can’t we?” It was less of a question and more of a desperate plead. She didn’t want to lose Asahi, but Y/N had to think about her future first. Asahi dropped his hand from her grip and put some distance between them.

“I guess you’ve already made up your mind then. Don’t let me stand in your way.” Asahi brushed by her almost fast enough that Y/N couldn’t attempt to stop him.

“Asahi please. Can we talk about this more.” Tears clouded the girl’s line of vision and she clung dearly to Asahi’s strong arm. She feared letting go meant the end and she wasn’t ready for that. There was still time to work through it.

Asahi sighed. He hated himself for not being strong enough to keep Y/N. He hated himself for giving up so easily, for being such a coward. But, there was nothing more he could say.

“You don’t have to say anything else.” Asahi maneuvered his arm out of her grasp and faced her one last time. “I know you’ll do great, Y/N. I’ll always believe in you.” He gave her a gentle head pat. It was a sign of affection they used often when in public. Usually it was loving and reassuring, but to Y/N it felt solemn.

There was nothing more to do other than to watch Asahi walk away from her. Tears brimming over her eyelids and staining her cheeks. Would this really be the last time she ever saw him?

Y/N replayed earlier’s events in her mind more times than she could possibly count and each time her ducts gave in and the tears started flowing. All she wanted was to talk to Asahi so they could still be on good terms. Even if he wanted to break up she still wanted to keep in touch with him. They were best friends after all and ending a two year relationship like this... Y/N couldn’t let that happen.

She tried calling, texting nothing worked. Asahi wouldn’t pick up his phone no matter how much Y/N blew him up. She felt defeated. He didn’t want to talk to her, she thought. Even though she was discouraged, she wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time. She would no longer be complacent. She was going to get what she wanted without a second thought about it. She was going to the Azumane residence.

The street was quiet and dark. It was a bit ominous as well. Dark corners and lone street lights cast unsettling shadows onto the houses along the road. Y/N reassured herself that she was being ridiculous and was perfectly fine to walk down the street she’d been on countless times before.

The route was clear in her head, but everything always looked different at night. It seemed the surrounding area was completely different. Did she get lost somewhere along the way? Did she take a left at the street sign, when she really meant to take a right? Y/N didn’t know everything felt so foreign to her now.

As she neared a somewhat familiar street corner a shiver shot through her spine, the hairs on the back of her neck stood at full attention. Her eyes darted all around her checking for anyone who might’ve been following her. The street was empty, but she could’ve sworn she heard someone.

“Hello?” Y/N called out into the dark street, only hearing the echo of her voice in response. She flipped her hood on and began to take off in a direction that was familiar. As she rounded the corner onto Asahi’s street a tight grip on her forearm pulled her into the darkness of an abandoned alleyway.

“Wha-!” She screamed but was quickly silenced by a hand slapping over her lips.

“Calm down girlie. We’re not gonna hurt ya.” A gruff voice rasped next to her ear. “We just need you to empty your pockets without disturbing the residents, okay?” Another man had Y/N’s hands held firmly above her head while the other kept her quiet and flashed a pocket knife in her face.

In a panic, Y/N began kicking wiggling and screaming with all of her might. She was able to get her hands free, but unfortunately wasn’t fast enough to get into the safety of someone’s house.

The muggers had recaptured Y/N just as fast as she escaped with her now pinned on the floor a knee perched on her sternum and the knife pressed against her cheek.

“Please, stop! I- I can’t breathe.” Y/N choked out.

“Do you think this is a game little girl? We could have done this the easy way, but now we’re gonna take what we want by force and have a little fun while we’re at it.” The partner agreed and took the knife to keep her in place as the man searched Y/N’s pockets.

“No! Stop!” She cried out as they began searching inside of her shirt and her leggings. Y/N prayed to any God that was listening to get her out of this situation. If only she had stayed home, she wouldn’t have come across these creeps.

“Shut up, before I cut up your pretty face.” The man holding the knife pressed it up against her cheek, breaking the skin.

“No please. I’m sorry, I have no money. Please don’t hurt me.” A hand muffled Y/N’s cries once again. She struggled as much as she could, but it was no use. All she could will herself to do was cry and wait for the suffering to be over.

As Y/N felt a calloused finger slip down her torso and closer to her legs, suddenly a great weight had fallen upon her.

“Fuck!” The man on top of her cried out. Y/N’s eyes widened and she saw the other man get knocked out beside her. She couldn’t help, but let out a scream. She stopped herself when the weight was lifted from her torso and she was raised from the ground. When her vision finally cleared she saw it. No she saw him. Asahi with a baseball bat, dragging her towards his house.

“Y/N, just keep running okay?” An exasperated voice blessed the girl’s ears. Her feet were moving on their own, she was in pure shock.

“A-Asahi?” Her voice broke out into a whimper. He looked back at Y/N only for a moment, but in that moment she could see all the anger and fear that was displayed on Asahi’s face.

“We’re almost there.” Asahi continued to drag her along until they were safely inside the walls of his home. Y/N fell to the ground as he pushed her inside and she struggled to catch her breath. What just happened?

Asahi checked the windows, closed the blinds, and locked the door before turning to her. He was panting, sweaty, and shirtless. His face was unreadable. The two stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

“Asahi I...” she tried to find the words to say anything, but to break the tension, but her brain was empty. No words or sentence to be found.

Asahi shuddered. Without thinking twice he threw her over his shoulder and carried her up to his bedroom. Y/N was placed softly on the plush comforter of Asahi’s bed. She watched him as he let out the deepest of sighs before stepping out of the bedroom and down the hall.

He returned in about a minute with a damp wash cloth that he pressed to her cheek. His face was so close to hers. In just the few hours that they’d been apart, Y/N had already grown to miss his face. Without thinking she reached out and grazed her fingers lightly along his jaw. Asahi shuddered and pulled away quickly.

Y/N’s eyes grew wide and her lips parted slightly. “Asahi... I-I’m sorry-”

“What are you doing here, Y/N?” Asahi’s gaze fell to her shoes that were stained with mud.

“I wanted to see you.”

“In the middle of the night?” His voice rose slightly, but no malice was laced in his tone.

“I don’t like how we ended things Asahi. We need to talk.” For what felt like the millionth time today, Y/N’s eyes began to water.

Asahi sighed. This wasn’t the conversation he wanted to be having at least not right now. “Y/N... right now I’m just worried about you being safe.” He pressed the cold rag back to her face. “Are you... okay?” Obviously she wasn’t okay. She had just gone through something traumatic, but it was the only thing he could think to say.

All Y/N did was shake her head. With that Asahi wrapped his arms around her and it was his turn to let some tears spill. “Did they touch you?” He choked out.

“N-no.” Y/N whispered. “Not like, that.” Asahi held her close to him. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, but he had to talk eventually and if he didn’t do it now, he wouldn’t know when he’d get the courage to do so. He let go of Y/N’s torso and looked into her eyes.

Y/N could see a plethora of emotion in his hazel irises. He was sad, scared, angry, serious, loving all mixed in one. The intensity of his gaze terrified and comforted her at once.

“You can’t... you can’t do that. Why would you scare me like that Y/N?”

“I just wanted to talk to you. I was so sad about earlier and-”

“It’s not safe! It’s not safe for you to be walking around late at night in this neighborhood. You’re too frail and you’re lucky I was out on a run. What if I wasn’t there? They could have seriously hurt you, or killed you, or-”

“I know. I know, but you were ignoring me.” She whimpered. Being lectured by him was worse than she could have ever imagined, but even so at least she knew he cared. At least he was being honest and not shutting her out like before.

“I wasn’t trying to ignore you, but talking to you... seeing you and knowing that I can’t have you hurt me. And I can’t stand to hear you say you don’t want to be with me anymore.” Asahi averted his eyes from her gaze. His new found courage quickly dissipated after his confession. “Never mind. It’s dumb. I’m dumb.”

“No. Baby you’re not dumb. Of course I want to be with you. I love you and I just wanted you to talk to me. This is all I’ve wanted the whole time.” Y/N grabbed Asahi’s face in her hands. Their eyes were fixated on each other’s gaze, not breaking the contact for even a second. The couple had never felt closer than they are now.

Still Asahi had that twinge of fear in the bottom of his gut. “I’m not ready.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N’s head cocked to the side and her gaze softened.

“I’m not ready to talk about you leaving it still hurts too much. Can we just wait til the morning?” Asahi knew that wasn’t what she wanted, but he was going to allow himself to be selfish for once. He always put her needs above his own, but this time, she’d wait for him.

Asahi’s eyes were pleading and she could do nothing but nod her head. “Sure. We’ll talk in the morning.” Asahi’s forehead rested against hers as the two embraced. Asahi picked Y/N up by her waist and laid her down on the bed. He pulled the oversized sweatshirt he gave her over her head and pulled off her shoes and her tattered leggings leaving her in just a tank top and panties.

“Thanks.” She whispered. She crawled underneath the sheets taking a deep breath. It was the first time since before their argument that she had felt any sort of relaxation or comfort.

“I’m going to go shower really quick.”

“No stay with me.” Y/N grabbed his hand as quickly as she could pulling him back down to the bed.

“But, I’m sweaty.”

“I don’t care. I’ll change your sheets in the morning, just please don’t leave me Asahi.” He nodded and kicked off his sweatpants. He slipped in next to Y/N and wrapped his arms around her. The two were comfortable in their embrace and she relaxed in the warmth of his body.

“Tomorrow.” Y/N whispered soundly.

“Tomorrow.” Asahi agreed.

#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyu asahi #azumane asahi #angst prompts #fluff #black reader #babylowrites #azumane asahi x reader #x female reader

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jennbabeyy · 3 years

Text

Tis the Damn Season.

A/N: Happy New Years babes!! I’m back with this Ez imagine to wrap up the holiday season. I hope you all had a great holiday break and I wish you guys the happiest, healthiest new year. Stay Safe

Song: Tis the Damn Season- Taylor Swift

No happy endings, sorry :/

_______________________________________________________________

“It’s the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass

But I felt it when I passed you

There’s an ache in you, put there by the ache in me”

She should’ve known coming back was a bad idea, though it never really hit her until her eyes laid on the damn town sign welcoming those who passed through. Everything inside of her screamed as she passed the familiar town scenery. One that she grew up idolizing but one day ended up cursing at. It was a love hate relationship, she has with Santo Padre.

She grew up here, the memories of her as a young child are often replayed in her mind. They are cherished and kept in good shape, grasping onto the small details, she knows she’ll never feel again. But with the good memories, there’s the ones she keeps hidden. Ones she knows she’ll always remember no matter how much she tries to make herself forget.

He will always be in her mind, he had claimed that spot years back.

It’s been years since she last saw him but when she finally saw him standing outside his dad’s shop. And it doesn’t surprise her that he still looks the same, expect for a couple new tattoos. But he’s still the same kid who used to walk her home every single day after school just to make sure she got there safe. Except she’s not the same girl. She will never be.

But it doesn’t surprise her, that he doesn’t greet her. It’s usually never cold in Santo Padre but she swears she felt the temperature drop by a couple of degrees, when she passes by.

And it was her doing, so she keeps her head down; wondering if she made a mistake.

“ So we could call it even

You can call me “babe” for the weekend

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

I’m staying at my parents’ house”

She doesn’t know whether it was the couple of drinks she had before they arrived at the bar. But the sudden boost of confidence allows her to say hi to his brother, Angel. He was always kind to her and it gives her a chance to finally stand up close to EZ. Finally see the ways he’s grown. And it was a beautiful sight in front of her, one that takes her breath away.

A silent nod given by Ez makes Angel suddenly leave the bar, claiming the pool table was calling his name. And the Ezekiel that she once knew was right before her eyes.

They laughed, they shared stories, ones that made her heart beat faster. Stories that made her face heat up when she catches the way he still stares at her the way he used to.

Ez walks her home after the bar closes up, by this time Angel had already left home. And it takes her a while to agree, but one look at Ez’s brown eyes and she melts right there.

“Can’t believe after all these years I’m still walking you back to your parent’s house.” Ez smiles at her as they walk down the street, in the middle of the night. It's comforting and she welcomes it, even if it’s just for a couple of days while she’s back in town.

And just for once, she feels like nothing has changed between them.

“The holidays linger like bad perfume

You can run, but only so far

I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave”

She groans, as she walks to Felipe Reyes’s carniceria on behalf of her parent’s orders. It had been a couple days back to her childhood home but she soon realized that nothing’s changed between her parents and home. The feelings of being stuck in this small town have once again made themselves known. She suddenly feels like she’s 15, walking to her favorite place after school looking for Ez. It seems like no matter how many years pass by, her parents seem to treat her like she was still in high school. The same reckless teenager who has thrown everything away in order to escape Santo Padre.

The walk there feels like forever even though it’s only a couple minutes in walking distance. But she can’t help but see how much the town she once grew up in changed throughout the years. Only now, it seemed like everyone was in the festive spirit, the bright colors covering every inch of the town. Her eyes followed the people that walked around without a care in the world. How she wished to be one of them.

The last time she was here, she had left everything she once loved behind, She could still see Ez’s face when she had come over to break the news to him.

She was leaving, and she didn’t know if she ever wanted to come back to this awful town that pretty much killed everything inside of it.

But Ez could never understand her urge to leave this town they both grew up in. And because of that she felt smothered by not only her parents, but by the idea of their relationship as well. He wanted to settle down and of course her parents loved the idea of their wild child being tied down to Santo Padre’s golden boy.

As much as she loved him, she was still young and she wanted the chance to explore the world, and she knew he wouldn’t leave his own family behind to go with her.

So she left and she didn’t dare to look back at the man she loved with her entire heart.

Because she knew she wouldn’t leave if she did.

“I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay.”

It doesn’t surprise her when she wakes up in a room that’s not her childhood one. The memories of the day before creep up in her mind, and she lets out a soft smile. There weren't any words between them but she felt every emotion he had in the way his hand caressed her body. It was like they were never apart but she also felt like the missing part in her was complete. She could still feel him as she laid there staring at the ceiling.

The house was quiet and she knew that neither Ez or Angel were home. It was probably for the best, considering today was the last day she had before leaving this town again. And she wasn’t sure she would be coming back after this.

Her heart tugged at the thought of leaving Ez again. She hadn’t planned to end up in his bed, she hadn’t planned to see him at all. But just one look at him and she’s suddenly her teenage self. Hopelessly in love.

“Hey, sleepyhead” Ez smiles, as he breaks her away from her daydream. She knew he saw the surprise look on her face, but thankfully he didn’t comment on it. He instead passed the coffee cup in his hand towards her, sitting at the edge of his bed.

His eyes lingering at her face, and she couldn’t make herself meet his. He knew, he knew that she was going to leave him behind once more. And there wasn’t anything he could say or do to make her change her mind.

She was stubborn, god she hated that about herself. But that’s what he loved most about her, she needed things done her way.

“You’re leaving aren’t you.” It was soft but she still heard it.

Her eyes finally meet his, and she swears she can hear both their hearts breaking. But she doesn’t hear that one word that she’s been longing to hear, especially from him. Maybe if he did say it, she could stay.

But it never comes.

“And wonder about the only soul

Who can tell which smiles I’m fakin’

And the heart I know I’m breakin’ is my own

To leave the warmest bed I’ve ever know”

Her parents sent her off with only a hug and safe travel wishes. They don’t even bother asking her to visit soon. It was a lost cause and her father doesn’t hide the disappointment in his face when he closed the front door.

She’s disappointed them a handful of times throughout her life, but it had never occurred to them that she just doesn't want to be stuck in the same town like the rest of them.

She had dreams and to her parents she was just a failure who runs away from the people who love her the most. But what they don’t know is that her heart breaks every time she thinks about the man she’s left behind. The only one who can make her feel like she’s on top of the world. The only one who truly knows her deepest darkest secrets and her dreams.

It was like something came over her and before she knew it she was at Ez’s house. She sits there maybe hoping, she’ll come to her senses and leave without him noticing her car. A soft laugh escapes her mouth when she see Ez leaning against the doorframe, watching her.

“I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye first.” She speaks first as he approaches her car. She silently curses herself when she feels her eyes fill up with tears. She’s usually good at hiding her feelings from others but this time she just couldn’t. This time she doesn’t hide them from him.

His large hands cup her face and for a moment she leans towards its, feeling him one more time. His thumb catches the tears that streams down her face.

She tries to smile at him but he knows her better than that. He instead places his lips on hers, making their last kiss way better than she expected.

“Make me proud.” He leans his forehead against hers, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes.

Ez steps away from her car, giving her a last smile before nodding at her.

She leaves and she hopes he knows that her heart is breaking as she drives away from everything she’s ever known.

This time she does look back because she wants to see his face one more time before she leaves him behind. And she come to terms that he’ll always be in the back of her mind, the future she could’ve had with EZ.

It was always him.

“And the road not taken looks real good now

And it always leads to you and my hometown.”

#mayans x reader #mayans mc imagine #ez reyes imagine #ez reyes x reader

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daisylovesatla · 3 years

Text

very rough draft of the start of a zutara fan fic

AU where Aang and Katara don't end up together cuz it doesn't make sense that it would be written that way but anyway, I wrote some pages about what would happen if Zuko's lightning bolt actually hurt him a lot more than it did...my ADHD brain can't remember where I saw that AU from but when I do I will tag u I promise...anyway it's Katara by herself at the palace healing Zuko and then the rest of the Gaang arrives from the Earth Kingdom, where Aang and Suki and Toph and Sokka were all fighting against the fire nation's ambush, cuz it would take more than like. a week probably to get to the same place as Zuko and Katara. Anyway I hope it makes sense I'm tentatively posting the first chapter in case everyone hates it but it's only 3,000 words I think.

(eta the ao3 link)

Book 4: Reconstruction...:)

Book 4: Reconstruction

I need some fresh air. She sighs to herself, rubbing her sore wrists and rising up from the cushion she was kneeling on. Keeping her eyes closed, afraid of the emotions that would flood through her if she snuck a glance at him while she wasn’t intensely focused on his injury, pouring all of her energy into that one spot, both emotional and physical.

It has been two weeks since the comet, and she has been doing all that she can to support him, to try to do something that could in some small way, return the favor for his sacrifice. As soon as her back is to Zuko’s bed, she opens her eyes, and is confronted suddenly with the bigness of this place. The tall, melodramatic metal doors that weigh way more than they need to, the beds with far away canopies rustling above them. Just the mattresses here are the size of her entire igloo back home, and even though it isn’t the first time she has been surrounded by superfluous opulence like this, something about this place feels particularly daunting.

She can sense his pulse, slow, but steady, consistent, as his blood flows through his veins and with it, water. Even when it isn’t a full moon, Katara is able to feel the water in everything, including the people she is surrounded by. She has yet to decide if it is an advantage, or only makes it harder to navigate through the world.

Her legs feel like lead, and she struggles to ignore the dryness of the room, the fires lit in their mantles 10 feet above them sucking all of the moisture out of this space, the lack of water, of that familiarity, making her feel like she is choking, as her breaths become more and more shallow and her heart continues to beat faster and faster, only worsening whenever the memories of that fateful, final Agni Kai come rushing back to her, making everything feel so much worse.

No, I can’t think about that right now. Katara closes her eyes again, and takes a deep breath, trying to replicate the breathing technique Aang taught her the first time he saw her meditating. In through my nose, out through my mouth, that’s what Aang taught me. She tries not to think much more about Aang than this. Too much has happened. Aang is expecting an answer, she is sure of it, an answer she can’t give him. Yet there is a hope swimming just below the surface in her, that this now or never attitude leading up to his battle with Ozai would no longer be there in him, that fire gone, the flames put out.

I have no answer right now, she decides, as she finally gets her legs to take the final steps towards the door. Yearning for a sense of coolness against her increasingly warm skin, she presses her hand against the door, and lets it ground her as she pushes it open, nearly jumping as it creaks and struggles to with each inch that she can shove it open. What is it with rich people and big doors? She chuckles to herself as she remembers storming Ba Sing Se, when things were so simple and yet not simple at all.

Running her fingers through her thick, curly hair trailing down her back, she sucks in all the air that she can in this hallway with much better circulation, finding it easier to keep her balance and move forward. The war may be over, but she is anticipating many battles are going to be fought in the coming weeks and months, battles over territory, freedom, the right to the throne. She has to heal Zuko so that he can advocate for himself, she determines, as she envisions Ozai’s loyal courtiers’ unfounded complaints with Zuko taking the role of the fire lord. She worries for him and she worries for herself. A water tribe peasant, Azula called her during the Agni Kai. Despite her strong demeanor, her ability to inspire other people to recognize their own worth, it is still difficult for Katara not to internalize this when she knows she is surrounded by enemies, no matter how much Iroh tries to reassure her and the rest of them that this is not the case. She has spent far too much time being attacked and assaulted by members of the Fire Nation to naively assume that with a change in power, a change in attitude amongst the people will quickly follow.

Many citizens are still loyal to Ozai. They still see her and Sokka and the rest of the Water Tribe as peasants, as savages with too much power. They are still afraid of waterbenders altogether, as gossip and rumors spread around the nation about Hama in the weeks following her imprisonment. She feels a pang of guilt for how it turned out with her. A Southern Waterbender, alive after all these years that she feared she was the last one, the only one, the one expected to carry on this legacy all by herself. Finally, somebody who understood her struggles, intrinsically, who had fought for so many years to be free, suddenly imprisoned again by people from the same nation that had stolen her away from her home, because she could not let go of her anger against them, like Jet.

She does not want to think about the revenge Hama tried to take on that people. How misdirected it was. How she never wants to be as full of rage and anger and resentment that she would start to do something as heinous.

It doesn’t change that that is how many people from the Fire Nation see her people. She can’t blame Hama for that, it would be wrong to expect any one person to be a representative for their tribe, their culture. “This is all so complicated,” Katara mutters under her breath, as she struggles to breathe, to let herself be free of these thoughts. Her anger, always there, ready to burst out from inside her in the form of an uncontrollable explosion.

Katara barely notices how far she has walked from Zuko’s room, until suddenly she hears a familiar voice call out to her. Startled, she looks up from the floor where she was mindlessly staring as she strolled and sees Sokka and Suki waving over to her from the other side of the hallway.

“Sokka! Suki!” She cries out, as she runs over to them, as fast as she can. “You’re here! You made it!” As she gets closer, she notices the crutch Sokka is leaning on, and her stomach feels like it is full of sand. “Are you okay? I can try my best to heal it, but I’m pretty worn out right now…” She glances at his bandages on his leg and starts to think up the best method for healing him after so much time has passed since his injury. “I’m sorry, I wish I had gotten to it sooner…” Katara begins, but she is interrupted by Sokka,

“Hey, it’s okay! For most of my life you haven’t been able to heal me when I get hurt, so it’s not like I’m not used to being in pain,” he teases, and then lets go of Suki who he was leaning on, as he goes to embrace Katara.

She can feel hot, somehow still dry, tears flow down her cheeks as she relaxes into this hug. While news had spread quickly from the Earth Kingdom to the Fire Nation about Toph, Sokka, Suki, and Aang’s victory in Ba Sing Se, her stomach had been twisted with worry the entire time they had been apart. A lot of it could have been hearsay, and until she got to hug her friends and brother in person, she could not let go of her unease. Hell, the talk of Caldera City was Zuko’s honorable triumph, but nobody who knew the truth of the aftermath of this battle had let it slip to the public that Zuko was in critical condition right now. Only Iroh, Katara, and some of the servants who were helping take care of meals and other menial tasks knew. It would throw this world into even more chaos if every day citizens knew there was a chance that Zuko wouldn’t…no. I don’t want to think about that future. I simply can’t. The guilt overwhelms Katara, but she pushes these negative feelings away and struggles to focus on the present. Sokka’s voice brings her back to the present, as she can feel his quickening heartbeat against her chest, and his tears dripping onto her robe. “We were so worried about you and Zuko, Katara. I’m glad you’re okay.”

She stammers, as she realizes it’s time to break the news to a few more people, wishing Sokka hadn’t let go of her as quickly as he did. She desperately missed her brother, and they hadn’t ever been apart for this long before, in all their side journeys in the past year, and hunting trips prior to that.

“Yes, I’m ok,” she lets the words spill out of her before she has a chance to choke on them, “But, well. Zuko...Zuko got really hurt.” Immediately, she can see the blood drain from both of their faces, and she grabs their hands, trying to comfort them despite not having the ability to comfort herself. “I’m healing him, but it’s still going to take a while. We have to just wait for him to recover.” She smiles, weakly, and fears it looks more like a grimace. “I’m glad you guys are back, though. It’s just been me and Iroh watching over him since the fight.”

Suki squeezes her hand, and the sadness and sympathy mix together in the look she gives Katara. “I’m really glad you’re okay. We’re here for you guys,” her smile sweet and boring into the deepest parts of Katara as she finishes speaking. Katara is taken aback, as her skin crawls with the thought that Suki understands, already, what happened at that Agni Kai, even if she doesn’t know the full details.

Sokka furrows his brows, and she can feel his warmth and fear as he nods in agreement with Suki. “Toph and Aang are in the courtyard with the Turtleduck pond, can we go see him with them?”

Of course, a practical response from Sokka. She knows better though. He is close with Zuko in different ways than Katara, but this was crushing for him too. She tries her best to smile reassuringly, as she fights back tears that are full of frustration and fear and anger and a deep, hollow grief that she hasn’t felt since Aang was struck by Azula, what feels like years ago but was only 4 months ago. In these four months, so much has changed, including feeling ready to face Aang. That kiss, just up and leaving, wasn’t ok and Katara wasn’t going to accept any excuses about it, just apologies.

He left everyone to go off on their separate missions, never really knowing whether or not those separation missions would be worth the danger they were putting themselves in, and that blind faith she was able to put in him when they first met was starting to get really old.

“So?” Suki chimes, pulling Katara out of her own thoughts.

“Oh, sorry,” she blushes, “I spaced out for a second. Um…” she tries to come up with an excuse for her sudden zoning out. “I’m worried about leaving Zuko by himself for a long time, and it’s been about twenty minutes so, I better get back, but stop by with everyone, sure.”

Suki gives her a quick squeeze of the arm, as they both walk off a few minutes after listening to Katara’s directions. Her chest feels tight, and she turns in the opposite direction as them, going back to Zuko.

They still don’t know how he got hurt. She doesn’t want to tell them, after so many instances of Toph teasing her about Jet and Haru, and well, she doesn’t want to hear it. Especially when Toph can feel her heartbeat. That damn seismic sense, she chuckles to herself, trying to let herself joke around a little bit.

Suddenly she is back in front of the door. She tries to shake off her anxieties and pulls the door open, the cold handle no longer soothing her but sending chills down her spine. This time, she keeps her eyes open as she walks back in, and all of the feelings she had been able to push down while talking to Sokka and Suki started to bubble up to the surface again, her cheeks feeling hot and dry, too dry. She wished she could bend a cloud of mist around herself, but knew that all of her energy had to be devoted to healing Zuko.

His familiar heartbeat suddenly found itself back on her radar, and she tried to hold back her tears and desire to just collapse and give up. But it was her duty to heal him. Her duty to heal him, the Fire Lord, just like it was hers to heal the Avatar. There was no way that any Northern healer would be willing to come down to heal the Fire Lord, nor would they be able to get there in time. So even if there were people more skilled, more capable, she knew that in order to maintain balance, it was her job to keep his heart beating.

#atla zuko #prince zuko #firelord zuko #zuko and katara deserved better #avatar the last airbender #team avatar #the gaang #zutara #anti kataang #toph beifong #toph #sokka #aang #avatar fanfiction #fanfic #ao3fic #book 4: reconstruction

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okay-victoria · 3 years

Text

Random Personal Rant

For anyone somehow here not from the original thread, this started off me getting asked what finishing school is and me getting shit off my chest that is only mildly relevant about how I could both be of the social class that gets sent to finishing school and grows up on welfare.

With an understanding that in many parts of the world it wouldn't qualify as so, as far as the US goes, my dad is from what counts as a very old money family from Baltimore & Philadelphia. Both his siblings went to college and one now owns a major hedge fund, and his sister is married to a C-level executive at a huge conglomerate. His parents went to college. His grandparents went to college. All eight of his great grandparents went to college. My dad...did not go to college. He was not about that life, and while I don't mean it as an insult, when I say his primary occupation until I was ~5 was a drummer in a mediocre band I mean that he opened for a lot of great acts, and if you lived in the Boston to Atlanta area in the 80s you may have heard him play, but he was never a huge national name. But he wasn't an amateur band playing for free at some random local gig either.

My mom grew up on a chicken farm in a Mennonite family in Pennsylvania but also completely rejected her heritage and became a model, sort of like my father, of mediocre status. Not Giselle Bundchen, but had national contracts and if you have a Graco ad/box from 1990-1993 you might see both me and her on it. They met because my mom's friends placed bets, one each, on who could sleep with a member of their favorite local band first and my mom picked my dad and...my mom was actually supposed to go be a model in Tokyo and found out she was pregnant with me and couldn't go 😂

So, after my parents had two kids back to back with a third on the way and determined they needed lifestyles more in line with having three children, they became much poorer than they originally were because my mom stopped working and my dad, with a barely-passed-high-school education but needing a true "day job" worked day labor in construction. My dad's father was too proud to give us money/help if my dad didn't beg for it; despite having eventually four young children my dad never did so we ended up on all the state assistance programs one could imagine. My grandma jokes that dinners at my parents house were BYOC - bring your own chair, because we didn't own any.

My mother and paternal grandmother had no such pride issues and I live in eternal gratitude that my welfare childhood was not as crappy as it should have been because my grandmother would have my mom accompany her on grocery runs and buy us food without my father or grandfather knowing, and every Christmas and birthday my grandparents/godparents could give us the one big ticket gift all the kids wanted that year. But, on the other side, I once got stung by a bee inside my mouth because my brother threw a hairbrush through a cracked window at me and broke it and we couldn't afford to fix it for about two years and a hornet got in one day and rested himself in my coke can (my parents were the very American type that fed me coca-cola in baby bottles at age 8 when I was jealous of my younger siblings lol).

It is hard not to believe in "toxic masculinity" when two men warring over dumbass pride issues would rather their children/grandchildren go without food than suck it up and decide 'help' isn't the worst word in the English language, and you know you've only been saved by two women who came from totally different backgrounds and entirely disapproved of each other but reached out the hand to shake when it came down to toddlers getting the short end of the don't-bend-the-knee stick. It wasn't that either of the men were bad people, I loved them both and got along great with both, but on a societal level I feel they were socialized in a very fucked up way if that was the end result, as both claimed "male pride" in these instances [my dad took multiple thousands of dollars I'd saved from working during college from me during the 2008-2010 financial crisis and didn't tell me and that was the reason I was given for why I hadn't been informed/asked, because it would be too emotionally difficult for an adult man to ask a young woman. My graduation present was them repaying me 1/3 of the money they'd taken from me without asking because I'd like, trusted them when it had been in a joint account that was a holdover from when I was <18 and couldn't have my own bank account].

While in some ways my parents on the surface achieved the American dream of going from nothing to a bunch of money, the real factor in play was that my dad's father was the bank. My parents had no credit and couldn't get real loans. My dad worked construction and during the two major periods that flipping houses was very lucrative, he never had to get an actual loan or pay actual interest, he just had to ask his father to pay out cash and then repay him at a flat 2% interest rate that didn't even accrue over time, just...whenever you are ready, repay the value of the loan + 2%. Because my father was doing something productive, in these instances, my grandfather was happy to pay, because it wasn't giving away money, it was loaning it. I had a very weird situation of mostly being poor but like also getting taken to the "big donors" events at the Kennedy Center and my grandparents regularly buying me a dress as a child worth more than my mom's wedding dress and also needing to pretend I fit in with these people.

And look. When I say "these people"...honestly, by and large, most wealthy people, whether inherited or not, are not the assholes you want to imagine. Most of them are extremely nice. Most of them are generous when it comes to the less fortunate who are in their personal sphere of being. Most of them are just really out of touch. The 100% kindest of all of them that I know once relayed to me that she thought people would be happier if once a year they did what she did...go to the airport with a purse packed full of absolute necessities, buy a one way ticket to the most appealing destination on the flight board, buy your clothes and book your accommodations after you'd arrived, and come back after you felt you'd 'centered' yourself. She didn't understand why there were so many unhappy people who weren't taking this very obvious route to being happier. I didn't quite know how to explain that saying "most" people couldn't afford to do that either financially or from a job/career angle didn't even cover it, as "most" sounds like 70% instead of 99.7%.

I was both my parents eldest son and eldest daughter in the worst combination possible. I was the eldest son because I was the most stereotypically male of all my siblings, in everything from desire to physically fight the battles I was given to dislike of shopping/fashion to lack of emotional connection to my relationships, so I can now fix your average household plumbing/drywall/electrical issue better than most "city" guys I interact with and remain less clingy to them in the process. I was also very much the oldest daughter from a responsibility perspective, I managed our household and from age 10 - 24 managed the finances of our family business, my mom almost died giving birth to my youngest brother after a ruptured uterus that should never have happened in the first place if we had adequate insurance to get her a non-emergency C-section (I was just past 9 years old at the time) and I was informally withdrawn from school for two years to take care of the family when she couldn't because there is no paid parental leave in the US and we got double-fucked by the medical industry because she got a bad "mesh" put in and then had to have a further surgery to repair that which we also had to pay for and didn't have the money to win a lawsuit over.

I don't know quite how to put this, but in the deepest fuck you of the universe, my rich-immigrant-ggggg grandfather's money led to him owning banks, insurance companies, etc, and the family cashed out in a big way when their ownership was bought by and merged with what is now Cigna, one of the biggest US healthcare insurers, and my nuclear family specifically got screwed by the American health insurance industry, but anyway, we were the people selected for that karmic comeuppance so if you want to feel schadenfreude at my expense, I'll allow it without begrudging the sentiment, my family might have fucked up your family’s life too, not just their own.

I got up twice a night to feed my brother because my dad had to sleep unmolested in my room to get to work and my mom was too weak to carry my brother or even hold him against her while she nursed so I had to hold him up to her. Adjusting to living in a city and hearing lots of random noises all the time was not easy when I'd had mom sound instincts from age 9.

I learned to drive the fall my youngest bro was born because my mom couldn't and I had to get my middle brother to preschool and go the grocery store on my own. While I hold absolutely no ill will towards my father or grandfather for this and given that about 1/3 of my paternal family either has an autism diagnosis or should, I fully feel the struggles they both went through to be communicated with, my father wouldn't ask for help, and my grandmother that lived 20 minutes away couldn't give enough help because my grandfather refused to do a single dish on his own as that was outside their "marriage contract" type agreement and she couldn't ever stay with us overnight when there wasn't a clearly-communicated need, so they let the burden fall on a 9 - 11 year old child and that really shaped a lot of my life in both good and bad ways. My youngest brother is 22, and we have only just climbed out of the medical debt his birth left us with between my dad's life insurance and my oldest brother and I paying for the extra cost of out-of-state college tuition.

The irony of all of this is that because my father died before his father, when my grandmother dies, my siblings and I will all inherit enough money (as a non-blood relative my mom, despite keeping her vows to part at death and not having remarried in eight years, is cut out entirely) to make this a non-issue, but my grandfather couldn't conscience spotting his unluckiest child some money in the end of days to pay for my youngest two brothers' education and take that worry off my father as he was dying. The day before he died I had to hold him down in bed to keep him from trying to climb in his truck to go to work because he was so anxious about trying to provide for us in spite of his father having fuck you money, because his father didn't think it was fair to the other siblings (who, at the time, still owned a major hedge fund and were married to a C-level executive of a huge conglomerate). A day and a half later I went back to my job because at the time I was then the sole provider for the family and didn't want to risk asking for the standard week's bereavement leave when I knew I was capable of showing up at work the next day and was fresh out of college so hadn't built up a reputation yet.

My father worked the day each of us was born, so I suppose it is only fair and he smiled at the choice. In spite of what it may seem, I gave a baller and very heartfelt speech at his funeral to all his rich friends that over and above everything, he'd taught us how to be happy with our own lives no matter what, and multiple of them emailed my mom in the aftermath to say they'd reassessed their relationship with their children in light of it, although...tbh I kind of doubt that lasted and they probably changed nothing 😅. The last good talk I had with him, two weeks before he died [his liver was going and it sent toxins to his brain that de-personed him after that and he no longer recognized me as his daughter, but as his sister], I reassured him that though we would all be sad he'd gone, we'd live on just fine without him because that's how he'd raised us, and according to my mom that was what gave him the final bit of peace he needed. Although honestly, I don't think I will ever see the strength in another human again that it took my grandmother to sit next to him and stroke his hand and tell him to close his eyes and imagine he was happy on a beach and die, for God's sake, because he was unaware and in pain and just prolonging it for our sake by then.

That type of obsession my grandfather had with assessing his children and grandchildren on the basis of economic productivity and a very black and white idea of "fair" is one you don't easily forget, I promise you. My hedge fund uncle is currently positioning himself to screw us out of our inheritance because of janky writing in the will and I'm doing my fuck all best to gain the wherewithal to go toe-to-toe with this cold motherfucker in court as the oldest and representative member of my happily much nicer and softer younger brothers who I want to remain that way not because I even care that much about the money, I know what bills affect your credit first and what you can put off paying and all of us have good enough career prospects to do our own thing, but just because I want to give the middle finger to a man that was a multi-millionaire and drew lines on his milk and orange juice bottles when I came over so he knew if I drank what my parents couldn't afford when I was approximately six. Anyway, ask me why I support major reforms in wealth taxation. I don't care who it goes to, just not that guy, you feel?

Having expendable income was very exciting for a bit after I started working but once I got to the hateable point of assessing my annual bonus and internally complaining that I'd spent the money I should have spent on a Sauternes cellar to drop five digits on bedset materials (to be fair they are drop dead gorgeous, very comfy and the factory pays a living wage for people to handmake the sheets/duvets/pillows to people in San Francisco, which is not cheap, so maybe I did more good than harm with that), I two seconds later nodded to myself and went "the government needs to confiscate more money from me". The narrative is always that the "undeserving" will use it for dumb things they don't need like iPhones or refrigerators...?...but like...I could also have gone to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a very nice sheet/comforter set for at most a tenth of what I paid so am I really spending it responsibly either....?....who is going to get more joy out of this misspent money....?....not me, that is for sure, I probably would have had more fun going to BBB and laying on all the demo beds and buying something there.

My lifelong dream, which may become possible if/when I do have something of an inheritance, is to provide food security for one of the many towns in the US were most residents don't have it. It's the thing I remember the most distinctly over the years. I never could quite believe it when I got to the point that I could just...pay to eat at a restaurant. One of the most disappointed my mother has ever been in me is when I was twenty five and confessed I actually had no idea how much a gallon of milk cost in a city grocery store besides that it was probably between $1 and $5, because I didn't have to know. For now I make a weekly drop off of my excess produce to a mom group I met under somewhat weird circumstances but I was walking through the cut-through that went through the low-income housing back to my apartment at like 2 AM on a Saturday and these moms were out there partying and smoking weed with their kids all strapped in strollers around or the older ones watched by a rotating member of the group and I felt very safe and like these moms had a very good vibe of both living their own lives [seriously for mental health parents but in most cases specifically mothers need to be able to keep up relationships with people their age] but keeping their children safe and accounted for while doing so and trying their fuckin' best against all the odds to figure out how to make that happen when life had dealt them a shit hand.

...anyway, looping way back to the original question of what finishing school is, when I was almost done with middle school my dad had built a legit construction business that then very quickly took off because we lived in a commutable zip code to the now-rich-in-their-own-right people he went to high school with who trusted him to redo their homes. We eventually moved to that zip code but I stayed and commuted back to my old high school. But, i was a pretty wild kid which my father appreciated for a long while because I would follow him around on jobs and enjoy doing physical labor, but once I was mid-puberty and also he had to maybe show me to his high school friends that did not fly.

I snapped - not broke, snapped - my left thumb and my parents had to trap me like a wild animal to get me to go the hospital. Then I got a deep cut that partially injured a tendon in my leg and at eleven I tried to beat the shit out of my dad to prevent him from picking me up to strap me in the car and go to the hopsital. Next I got a deep splinter due to my eternal-barefoot tendencies and it wouldn't come out so got infected and I refused to go to the doctor [another weird back story but I was minorly sexually assaulted [[to be clear, not raped or anything big traumatic]] when I was eight and had to stay in hospital for a week and my parents couldn't be with me all the time so I have a permanent heebie-jeebie about going to the hospital, not true anxiety, I will go if I know I need to and I don't breathe heavy or anything, and I'm actually not permanently weirded out by sex or anything, just doctors in hospitals specifically I kind of unconsciously try to justify not needing to the extent I can rationalize it] and my dad was tired of my antics so he was like "fine if you don't go I will slice your foot in half with a Swiss Army knife to get it out" and I called his bluff and laid down on the floor, stuck my foot on his lap, and he didn't really know what to do when a barely fourteen year old girl called his bluff so my brothers watched in fascinated but horrified awe as I got my foot sliced open spectacularly so that the infection/splinter could come out and I didn't even make a sound out of spite despite it being quite painful to my recollection almost twenty years later.

They saw me cry from pain exactly one time when while trying to break up a fight between all three of them (it was over ice cream) I got pushed and my ankle got dislocated and what actually made me cry was snapping it back in place and they realized it was not a joke. These dumb assholes that I love have ragged on me for "skipping" chores the day after I was in the hospital because the day before that I had to spend 18 hours running Thanksgiving as a good sub-hostess like I didn't have a serious infection that needed treating and couldn't rest because none of them were up to any task beyond peeling potatoes.

After the Swiss Army knife incident, my dad's discussion of sending me to finishing school became real, which I knew when my mom made me take a walk with her and talked about it. Finishing school is like...etiquette school....? In ye olden day when finishing high school was not the norm for anyone, wealthy men finished high school and wealthy women often went to "finishing" school to have a combined education on being a proper lady but also being able to hold a decent conversation with your presumably-educated husband, so it wasn't entirely etiquette non-academic. It was more just like "what a rich man wants in a wife" school, which was sort of household management and knowing enough about cleaning/cooking to correct the staff if they fucked up, how to be a polite hostess, and how to not entirely bore him when you were alone together and had done your five minutes of sex or whatever so actually had to have a conversation. In modern times it has obviously expanded to be less bleak.

I said miss me with that, I can be a girl on my own, so I went full throttle into the girliest sport they offer in high school and ever since have gained the inestimable advantage of knowing how to also use femininity to my advantage, which I am very grateful to my parents for making me learn. It would be great if we lived in a world where that didn't count, but it did/still does, and they really set me up to operate in all the worlds.

It is weird for me to tell the story to Internet strangers because it's one of those things that makes your parents sound terrible and abusive in the general tone of the Internet nowadays, and while I support gender nonconforming children I don't remember my childhood or parents that way. But, I feel like the bits and pieces of my life I've given don't always make a ton of sense together without the context, so here it is, and in the end, I think a number of parts of it are areas where you can probably understand where it makes me have the opinions I do when I write.

Anyhoo, this makes my life sound far worse than it is, I actually have a great life and I am not unhappy with it at all and feel I was on the whole blessed with many more turns of luck than unluck, so, please, do not take this as a depressed artist rant, it is more like a rant of a very energetic person who rants about a lot of things all the time and didn’t need to come out but just did because the question was asked and the time was right with my life being in a bit of flux to think about how I got where I am and where I want to go and why.

Always remember no matter what problems it seems like I have, if I didn’t solve them on my 2 year round the world traveling hiatus I took from working, it’s my own fault, I definitely had the time and money to solve them and just chose not to.

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sapphiics · 3 years

Text

Ashes to Ashes

summary: Emily thought this was enough. It’s not, and there’s no one to blame but herself.

word count: 1.2k

content warning: smoking and some language.

dt: @yourlocalheartbreaker cause this was one hundred percent going to stay in my google docs forever until she asked about it.

a/n: this is barely hotchniss. it’s more of an emily gen fic where she’s married to hotch if anything. and i never realized how difficult it is to fit in an Aaron somewhere instead of having her call him Hotch. not my best work but it’s all i have had any inspiration for.

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She quit smoking over a twenty years ago.

It wasn’t even quitting, she wasn’t addicted. Just stupid teenage fun that got her knocked up at fifteen and exiled from the catholic church.

Desperate times call for a couple cigarettes.

Especially when your husband, the one you waited for, who you nursed and cared for for years before the two of you pulled your heads out of your asses and started dating, is late again.

And that nagging voice that’s been bouncing in your skull since you got married reminding you of that one cruel fact.

This is what happened to his last marriage. This exact same. fucking. thing.

She thought, no she hoped, in her deepest most embarrassing and shameful part of her- cause she really did like Haley, the woman who gave Emily the best son one could ever have- that he loved her more. That maybe he didn’t love Haley enough to change, but he would be here for her. That they were just so perfect for each other, understood each other better than anybody, that he wanted to be home, and he would make sure he made this work between them.

Emily could almost hear the apology, hear him rush by her with nothing but a chaste kiss to go say goodnight to Jack. His coat hung up neatly on the rack but his shoes array.

Her eyes sting, a prickly burning sensation clouding her vision. It’s so stupid, because she knew. She had always known and he hadn’t ever lied to her or said he would change. That he would step down, be home more. He never made another promise he couldn’t keep after how that destroyed him and Haley. She never asked him to change and up until now she never wanted him to.

That doesn’t comfort her in the slightest, and Emily’s still warm with something akin to anger when the car pulls into the driveway.

The door swings open as she’s blowing smoke out, the kitchen window cracked open just enough so that Jack wouldn’t smell it in the morning.

“Hello,” he belts out. She doesn’t hear his shoes hitting the wall, meaning he knows how late it is. Knows that he’s doing too much and working too hard and coming home too late to a family that’s peeling apart.

His footsteps are coming. She turns towards the window, leaning on the counter and taking a slow deep breath.

“Emily.”

She hates how much she knows him sometimes, hates how just the way he said that one word makes her feel every single emotion of his, without even glancing at his face. That exhausted and breathless tone, with every apology and sorrow from the work they do, the work that chips away at them endlessly, seeping into his voice. She used to love it, love how it meant he was vulnerable, opening up himself and letting her in. That voice meant he was there and he trusted her.

Now, all it’s doing is grating against her ears, because it’s not enough and she’s starting to think she was just that desperate for him, for a family, for someone who already knew everything, just every piece of her and loved her anyway.

Emily wonders how many times Haley heard the voice. How many times she fell for it, gave into him even when they had too many underlying issues to keep shoving under the mat.

“It’s 2 am.” Another slow stream of air escapes her, cigarette smoke evaporating in the night. She’s a shit cook, and they both know it, or else she would have tacked on ‘and your dinner’s getting cold’ just to hurt him.

Haley cooked. and cleaned. and got the lead role in the school play and gave birth to Jack and probably saved Hotch a million and a half times from his asshat father. And Emily liked her when she was alive and has never felt anything but utter gratitude for the woman’s presence in Hotch's life, but since the day Hotch revealed the divorce papers till just this morning, she never once understood how Haley could leave.

Her mind could never comprehend giving someone like him up, especially given their history and how that Hotch, pre-foyet Hotch, had a happiness and charisma and disposition that diminished when The Reaper was on the loose. That funny and guarded but willing to open up Hotch that shriveled up and sunk into the ground along with Haley Brooks Hotchner’s body December 9, 2009.

Haley had that version of him, and still decided to leave. And Emily gets his coldness, his aloof demeanor that refuses to accept help from anyone. She got those parts of him for years just for the rare moments where he shows her the love, the acceptance in who she is and will always be, that she had wanted for so long she almost closed herself off from ever receiving it. The moments that she greedily latched onto, that carried her through them dating and walked her up to the judge in the courthouse when they got married.The angry and bitter thought that she doesn’t deserve this, that she should matter enough to someone that they come home on time and open up to her and express their love to her seeps into her brain. She’s surprised by how hard she has to bite her tongue to keep it in.

Then the depressing idea that this is what she deserves, this glass half empty and bed always cold and feeling never enough for her family is all she will ever be allowed. Comeuppance for all that she’s hurt in her life, everything she’s ruined. This is what Emily Prentiss must lay in, the damaged ruins of the bed she made.

She can’t handle that, and she lifts the cig to her mouth to distract her.

He’s a good guy, Aaron. He’s one of the best, and there’s so much about him that she couldn’t imagine living without. He loves her, not who she could be, but who she is. Now. He knows her, understands her in a way nobody else does, and it would be unfair to him to forget that. And Jack. Her sweet Jack who called her momma once the other week and had her crying for a good three hours afterward. Their family, her everything. Everything she ever wanted, what she had closed herself off to for so long, right in her grasp.

But it’s hard. That type of achy-hard where you need it to end and you think it will just pass but it always ends up getting worse and worse until years have passed and there’s too much damage to salvage anything.

Smushing the remnants of her cigarette into the tray next to her, she pads over to their bedroom, knowing the bed’s empty after hearing the shower turn on.

Emily is barely conscious when she finally feels him slide in behind her, Aaron’s arm coming in around her waist underneath the blankets. He’s warm, while she’s shivering herself to sleep.

His arm, usually comforting in its heaviness against her, feels like a stone weighing her down the entire night.

#grace writes #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #hotchniss #hotchniss fanfiction #hotchniss fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #cm #cm fic

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