can I hit someone with hammers for 15-20 mins

P&C | Ch. 16: Peaches and Cream

➪ Playlist (Spotify) l Series Masterlist

December 7 

There it was, written in bright red letters with small hearts and doodles surrounding it, the special date. Jungkook's birthday. See, he is only a few months older than me, but apparently, that's enough of a motive for him to never shut up about it. Sure, he might be bigger, stronger and faster than me but at the end of the day, I got the brains and the beauty (not up for a debate, my mental health won't be able to handle it please). Back to what's important, see, Jungkook is not much of a surprise enthusiast, but sucks to suck because I am. So, naturally, I took it upon myself to plan a little party in celebration of his birth. Putting my acting skills to use, I tried to be as nonchalant about it as possible the whole of last week. Anytime someone mentioned something even remotely close to birthdays, the subject of the conversation would diverge immediately by my sympathetic nervous system. It's nothing too big, just our friend group and a few of his Kinesiology friends. Still, I want this to be special. For him. 

Jungkook: I think you should come over ;) 

Mira: A dick appointment already? 

Jungkook: I don’t know, can you handle it? 

Mira: I mean, 3 inches should be fine, right? 

Jungkook: … ha ha … very funny. I’ll remember this when I finally get to have you. 

Mira: Who said, you’ll ever have me? 

I can’t help but smile at my screen, I mean it’s pathetic, really. The butterflies in my stomach are not helping the flush rising up my cheeks, as I play the video he sends. Oh God … I knew alcohol and I didn’t go well together but now that idea is solidified as a fact. Looking back at my dumbfounded face is none other than my drunk self from the Winter Formal. The clip is only 5 seconds, but the second-hand embarrassment is enough for me to essentially drink bleach and just cease to exist. 

Jungkook: You did. See. “Jungkook, I want youuu” 

Mira: Ok, so now I’m a victim of blackmail. Good to know. 

Jungkook: I’ll be expecting your cute self at my door in about an hour. 

Mira: Ok dad :( 

Finishing up my makeup I quickly grab my keys and make my way out the door before packing some snacks to go. The bus ride there is only 20 minutes but I fear that the noise my stomach makes from hunger might not be a crowd favourite. Unfortunately, though, I play the role of a broke college student just a bit too well, as two mandarins and some salt crackers end up being my only options. 

--

For it being December, the weather is surprisingly nice. Global warming is in its full effect, I guess. While the glaciers melt away, I get to wear cute fall outfits for another month. So, I stunt my leather knee-high boots, as I finally reach Jungkook’s apartment building. Jimin and him are roommates but both come from pretty financially comfortable families, so this isn’t your usual college student apartment but more like a bachelor studio. Fixing my curls, I tuck the striped sweater into my skirt before knocking on the door. Which opens almost immediately, as Jungkook’s eyes divert down to the boots. 

“Mira …” he says slowly, leaning on the door frame, as a small smirk forms. 

“What?” I snap back confused, nibbling on my lips. 

“You know this wasn't an actual dick appointment right?” he giggles, pulling me inside. 

“YAH, of course, I did,” I yelp, stumbling on my feet as Jungkook’s grip tightens on my waist. 

“Well, you’re looking a bit too good,” he whispers, our lips inches apart as his form moves closer, my back now pressed against the door. 

“Can’t handle it, pretty boy?” I whisper back, looking up at his darkened orbs. 

“Don’t do that,” 

“Do what?” 

“Don’t tease me,” Jungkook’s words slow and breathless as his forehead rests on mine, giving it a soft kiss. The gesture is sweet, but the heat between us is almost suffocating. That is until a familiar voice echoes in the background as the doorknob begins to open. 

“Oh my god!” I yelp, hiding behind Jungkook who was just as dumbfounded. 

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?” Jimin chuckles, placing his bag on the table. 

“I thought you had practice?” Jungkook says abruptly, fixing his dishevelled hair. My face, now red, is virtually buried in his shirt as I try to regain my cool before Jimin calls my name. 

“Yeah, but it ended earlier. Mira? What are you doing here?” 

“Oh, I …” I stutter, replying with more of an expression than words. Jimin is not a threat but he also isn’t aware of whatever Jungkook and I are, so the truth would not be the most suitable answer just yet. Trying to pull something out of thin air, my distressed self is saved by the bell as Jungkook buds in. 

“She was going to help me study,” he says reassuringly before leading us both to the kitchen. I can feel Jungkook's hand on my back as Jimin lets out a big gasp. 

“Wow, so now you're a chef? Mira, I don't know what you're doing to him but please don't stop,” Jimin laughs, shaking his head at the plethora of dishes covering the dining table before diving right in. Sneaking a quick peek at Jungkook sitting across from me, his eyes patiently waiting for my reaction. I can't help but smile as I take a bite out of the steaming shrimp dumplings. My childhood favourite, might I add. 

“Do you like it?” he gently asks, doe eyes sparkling under the kitchen lights. His full attention was on me, so much so that he barely even flinched when Jimin choked on a shrimp tail. 

“I love it,” I reply with a soft smile, giving him a flying chef's kiss. He giggles, finally allowing his body to relax before leaning back on the chair with a proud smile. 

-- 

After cleaning up the table, Jungkook and I decided to go on a walk as Jimin passed out from a food coma with the TV on. Covering him with a blanket, Jungkook turns the system on before wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we head out. It seems that everyone is taking advantage of the warm weather as the beach is more populated than usual. Playing tag with their dad, children's laughter fills up the ambience as their mom takes pictures of the beautiful memories. 

“Do you want kids?” Jungkook suddenly asks, turning his gaze towards my unfazed self who was busy digging for seashells. To be honest, I didn't hear him properly and thought he was asking if I had fears. A miscommunication fiasco fueled by the playful laughter in the background and the fact that I'm half-deaf in my right ear. 

“Yeah, a lot,” I reply with a soft smile, eyes still glued on the mission below me. 

“A lot? Really?” he lets out a chuckle, hands now in his pockets as his body stands still. Feeling the intensity of his stare on me I look up confused, raising an eyebrow. 

“What? Don't tell me you don't,” 

“I mean yeah, but ultimately it would be my wife’s decision,” Jungkook replies softly, looking back at the peaceful beach horizon. 

“Huh? Your wife’s decision?” I repeat, the confusion forcing my attention back to him. What does he mean by his wife’s decision? Trying my hardest to decipher his answer, I begin reading between the lines, hoping to connect the dots between the undertones. Maybe, there’s some kind of metaphor tied into this?

“Yeah, I mean it’s not my body. I’m happy with anything as long as she is healthy and happy,” 

“Jungkook, what are you on?” I snap back, unable to hold back the laughter any longer. 

“What do you mean? You’re the one that wants a lot of kids,” he scoffs, poking the side of his cheek with his tongue. 

“PARDON?? When did I say that?” I yelp, arms now folded in disbelief. 

“I asked you if you wanted kids and you said yeah, a lot” 

“YAH, no I didn't. I thought you said, do you have a lot of fears!” I scoff back before slapping his forearm as his head jerks back from the laughter.

“Thank God, I really thought you were planning on raising a little army,” he smirks before pulling me into his embrace, hands tightening on my waist. As his gaze lowers to my lips, I can feel my cheeks getting red before my hands glide up to his neck. 

“I think I want 3, two boys and one girl,” I say softly, looking up at his darkened orbs. 

“A little princess,” he whispers, before placing a soft kiss on my forehead as I rest my head on his chest. Enjoying each other's warmth we stay like this for a bit longer, looking out at the beautiful sunset. It's times like these that I can't help but give in to my desires, wanting to mute that fear in the back of my head. Jungkook feels safe, I don't know how to explain it, but it's as if our souls mould into one. When I'm with him, everything just makes sense. 

As Tae lights up the last candle on the cake, everyone scatters to find a hiding spot per Jimin's command. Jungkook’s footsteps becoming more and more evident, there is a rising sense of suspense. No one dares to breathe until the doorknob is finally turned and the door swings open. 

“Surprise!!!” 

“FUCK! What the heck!” he shouts, stumbling back as his eyes widen in shock. Feeling everyone's attention on him, his ears begin to redden as Tae and I make our way towards him with the birthday cake. 

“Happy birthday Kookie, now please stop growing,” Tae teases with a boxy smile, putting the Birthday Boy hat on Jungkook who was still in disbelief. Patting his chest, Tae pulls him into a warm hug, as Jungkook’s attention diverts to me. Although no words were exchanged, one look at his furrowed eyebrows was enough for me to understand that he genuinely did not expect any of this. Mission accomplished! To be honest, I felt so bad for making it seem like his birthday was forgotten all these days leading up to the big surprise, that I’m simply relieved it's all over. Unable to hold back a smile, I wait by Jungkook’s side trying to keep the candles from going out, until his attention was back on me. 

“Make a wish, Birthday Boy,” I say softly, looking up at his sparkling eyes. Pulling me closer, Jungkook leans down, scrunching his nose before blowing out the candles as the crowd goes wild. Laughter fills the room once everyone joins in the living room decorated in everything Jungkook-related. From a life-size statue of Iron Man to an entire wall filled with special Polaroids of him and his friends, the Birthday Boy can't help but smile at the wholesome feeling. Holding back his tears as Jimin ushers him towards the couch, Jungkook gasps at the table full of gifts. 

“You guys, this is really too much. You didn’t have to …” he says before his speech was cut short by Jimin, who was already eyeing the bag placed on Jungkook's lap. Both he and Tae, who plopped himself front and center, seemed more curious about this whole unwrapping than Jungkook himself. Nonetheless, reaching his hand into the sparkly green bag, he pulls out a small box. 

“What is it?” Tae asks, moving closer to get a better look. Shaking his head Jungkook opens it, as both of them gasp at the silver Rolex watch staring back at them. 

“YAH, Jimin that’s not fair,” Tae whines, leaning his head back on the couch as Jungkook’s mouth drops. 

“Don’t say anything, you’re worth it,” Jimin winks, patting Jungkook’s head before leaning in for a hug. Despite Jungkook being the youngest in his friend group, it’s rare to see him act like one, so the sight is refreshing and heartwarming, to say the least. 

Making sure everyone was in the frame, I press the timer on the camera before running back to my spot which naturally was beside Jungkook. Looking up at him, his gaze was soft as I wrap my arm around his shoulders, feeling his hand on my waist as Jimin commands everyone to say ‘cheese’ before the flash went off.  

– 

“You know, today might have been my favorite day of the whole year,” Jungkook says softly before melting into the duvet. After saying goodbye to everyone, we cleaned up the place before helping Jimin pack for his camping trip with his teammates. He planned to depart right after the party in hopes of making it there early in the morning, and although I tried to change his mind he was determined. 

“Ok, I’m leaving now,” Jimin says, knocking on Jungkook’s bedroom door. Nodding, we walk him towards the entrance, as I pass him a bag of some leftovers. 

“Please be careful, it’s dark,” I say, as Jungkook leans on the door frame, eyes focused on my worried face.

“I’ll be fine, it’s only 6 hours. I’ll be back by Tuesday. Jungkook please don’t break anything,” Jimin exclaims, giving him a teasing smile as Jungkook rolls his eyes, nibbling on his lip ring. 

“Ha … ha.. call me when you get there,” he says, waving goodbye as he locks the door before turning towards me. 

“It’s late, do you want to stay over or do you want me to drop you off?”

“One more surprise,” I wink, pulling him towards the bedroom. As I place a red bag on his lap, Jungkook can’t help but bite down his lip, trying to suppress the evident excitement. 

“Miraya, you’ve already done so much,” he says softly, looking up at my focused expression before pulling out a film camera with an envelope attached to it. Fidgeting with the seal, Jungkook’s curiosity is on full blast as he moves the three polaroids closer to get a better look under the dim lights. 

“Oh my god …” he whispers, choking on his spit from the disbelief. Recognizing the red lingerie, he glances up for clarification until a gasp escapes his mouth at the sight before him. 

“Happy Birthday, Pretty boy,” I whisper, before moving closer to his dumbfounded self. Although still in shock, his body responds immediately, caressing the soft skin on my thighs before pulling me on his lap. 

“Mira …” he whispers, our lips inches away. Looking at his darkened orbs, I caress the side of his cheek before leaving a soft kiss. 

“You’ve been so patient, baby,” I say, straddling his thighs as he hisses at the sensitivity. Melting in my embrace, he is unable to hold back any longer, flipping us over, as his chains now dangle over my face. 

“Peaches, please let me have you,” he whispers into my ear, voice now breathless. Sucking on my neck, he leaves soft marks of desperate need and desire before looking back at my eyes. 

“Jungkook, I want you,” 

“Mira, I need you,”

As our bodies become one, Jungkook leaves a trail of soft kisses down my neck before reaching the soft material. 

“Wait here,” he says, almost sprinting towards the kitchen before coming back with a can of whipped cream that I used for his birthday cake. 

“Thank you for the meal,” he bows his head, before shaking the can. Unclasping my bra, he tosses it on the floor, taking a moment to fully appreciate the sight in front of him. 

“Stop staring,” I snap, hiding my face under the duvet, feeling the flush in my cheeks. 

“Hard not to when you look this good, Peaches” 

Inches away from my breasts, Jungkook draws small circles with the cream, as I hiss at the cold sensation. Arching my back, he sucks on the sweet taste of my nipples, as his hands caress the soft skin, before leaving a long trace of cream on my stomach. Each taste is followed by a sinful kiss, as purple hues paint my body.   

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Feel free not to answer this but I was wondering if I could ask you about your job. I’m thinking about becoming a nurse but I’m not sure it’s a good fit. Do you have any advice or recommend it? Thank you 💜

Oops! I wrote a wildly long answer! Hope it helps!

Let me know if you have more specific questions, but here are some general thoughts. 

incoming like 1700 words okay

There are so many different ways to use a nursing degreel. Right now I’m a med surg bedside nurse in the hospital float pool, which means I don’t have an assigned floor and I go wherever is currently short staffed. Before that, I was a home health nurse where I could spend up to eight hours a night reading a book while a kid slept peacefully in the bed. I also worked in a different part of home health briefly (hated it, you have to be on the ball with scheduling but some nurses preferred it) where instead of doing full shift bedside care for one patient, I went to a bunch of different patients’ houses in one day, doing tasks like setting up their medication for the next month or doing wound care. All three of those jobs use the same basic skill set but are very different in practice. 

Even within the hospital, a behavioral health nurse has a different night than an inpatient rehab nurse who has a different night than a short stay surgery nurse who has a different night from an ED nurse who has a different night than an ICU nurse who has a different night than a labor and delivery nurse who has a different night than a postpartum nurse. And that’s just night shift, which is what I work and doesn’t have nearly as many specialties working as are there during the day.

This answer--nursing is so broad, you can do anything!!--is true but not necessarily useful, so I’ll get more specific. 

There are a few things that are important to me about nursing. 

It is a job that contributes value to the world. Even if the American healthcare system was perfect, you would need caregivers like nurses. Even if the American healthcare system ceased to exist tomorrow, you would still need caregivers like nurses. Even on my shittiest nights, I can point to something I did that helped someone in some way. Not all jobs can say that. 

I do good work and then I go home. This is more bedside nursing specific, but it’s important to me. I can’t take the work home with me. Emotionally, sure, I can do that, but physically, my patients stay at the hospital when I clock out. I have handed over the responsibility of them to another nurse, then I get to leave, and my free time is my own. I can always opt into more work of the administrative type, but I don’t have to.

It’s a good stable income. This will depend on where you live and your speciality, but in general, yeah. Easy to get hired, especially right now, hiring bonuses, overtime if you’re the type of person to pursue that (this is advice for later in your career if you start it, but I’d strongly strongly strongly advise limiting how many extra shifts you pick up while you’re still learning). Solid reliable income. 

Those all come with some caveats. It’s a stable income, but it often plateaus at a mid level salary range unless you move up into a more administrative role (overgeneralizing this, but true often enough). You can be under a lot of pressure to pick up and stay late (16 hour shifts!) because staffing runs lean. You’ll rarely have all the help you need, especially on night shifts. I get called every single day I’m not working asking if I want to come in. Burnout is so so high right now, and often it seems like admin is like “well new nurses graduate every day so”. Some floors I’ve been on, the senior most nurse has 18 months experience. That’s bad, that’s stressful beyond belief when things are life and death. 

It’s physically demanding work. A lot of bedside nurses leave bedside because they’ve hurt their backs moving patients. I know I’ve seriously tweaked some muscles, and the amount I’m on my feet is not great for my poor weak right ankle. There’s also other physical demands, i.e. helps to have a strong stomach. People will tell you CNAs (certified nursing assistants) or techs do all the incontinence care. They’re correct but also wrong because 1) who the fuck is staffed with CNAs, especially at night, and 2) okay you’ve got a CNA but they’re busy helping change another patient so are you just gonna let this person sit in their shit for 30 minutes? I do incontinence care about every night. There’s the other bodily fluids as well--blood, mucus, pus, Just Ambiguous Goop Hey Where’s That Coming From. Not to mention wound care, which can be gnarly. Like lift up a skin fold, find some maggots in necrotic flesh gnarly. And since so many wounds are on the tailbone and groin, incontinence care and wound care are often the same thing. 

There’s also the emotional stuff. Maybe your patient is dying and just got told today. Maybe they’re dying and they’re comfort care and the whole family is in the room crying every time you go in. Maybe they’re going into withdrawal. Maybe they only speak taishanese and there’s no translators available. Maybe this is their first night in the hospital ever. Maybe this is their 180th night. Maybe they’re terrified of pain and they don’t trust you to help control it. Maybe they’re so mad that they’re in the hospital. Maybe they’re refusing to be discharged because they have nowhere safe to go. Maybe they’re confused and keep trying to stand up on two broken hips. Maybe they had a traumatic brain injury and won’t stop screaming for your entire 12 hour shift. Maybe they really want to tell you about society’s freeloaders. Maybe you walk into their room to answer a call light and they’re sobbing and also you’ve never met this person before. Maybe their husband died five minutes before you got on shift. Maybe they’ve sexually harrassed multiple caregivers and you aren’t allowed to be alone with them. Maybe they’re mean, and sure there might be nuance to that meanness, but goddamn are they an asshole and goddamn they are still your patient. 

Maybe all that sounds bad to you, the physical and the emotional work. I don’t like wound care, so I’m not a wound and ostomy nurse (but I still do wound care). I like talking to my patients, so I’m not an ICU nurse (where the joke is that your patients can’t talk back. heard an ICU nurse darkly refer to their job as “watering crops”. Not work I’m interested in, but thank god some people are) (but I still take on very high acuity patients). I don’t like chaos and triage so I’m not an emergency room nurse (and yet? still chaos!). I like giving patients medications and warm blankets and whatever food they’re allowed to have, I like talking to them how their day went and what’s gonna happen tomorrow, I like checking in on them and finding them soundly asleep, so I’m a med surg night nurse who hates when I hate to wake people up for neuro checks. 

(Med surg, by the way since I didn’t know either before I started nursing school, is medical-surgical nursing. According to the Academy of Medical-Surgical Nurses, med surg nurses “provide care to adults with a variety of medical issues or who are preparing for/recovering from surgery.” Isn’t that the most expansive category you’ve ever heard of? It’s the catch all of the hospital and, as I like to think as a med-surg nurse who actually likes med-surg nursing, the very heart of bedside nursing and should be respected far more than it is sometimes. But that’s a different rant.) (More respect for generalists!!)

Here’s a final thought: If you don’t like sick people, don’t go into nursing. Not everyone is kind and compassionate in the same way, but kindness and compassion should be the foundation of your work. Kindness, compassion, critical thinking, diligence. The role of a nurse is to be a patient advocate. Sometimes that can be advocating for the patient against what you think is the right thing for them to do. How can you protect the patient’s safety and autonomy? How can you help them be an active participant in their care? What do they want? How can you get that for them? This isn’t the same as “dilaudid and ice cream every 3 hours” (sometimes it can be!), but it can be encouraging them to go through with wound care even though it is so painful because otherwise it won’t heal, and it’s thinking about timing their pain meds to take effect in conjunction with the wound care, and it’s practicing the wound care steps with another nurse before you do it on a person so you don’t fuck it up (I. hate wound care yall). It’s being aware that the stakes are life and death, but also dignity and embarrassment, comfort and pain, hope and despair, autonomy and force. It’s an honor to care for people, but you have to be aware of the power you have in those circumstances and the ability you have to be neglectful or cruel. It’s hard to be overworked and underpaid and yelled at and bored and tired and at just another day at the sickness factory and still be thoughtful and kind. Every day at work, I have to push myself to be a version of myself that I like and I respect. Sometimes I don’t manage that, and it’s feels so much worse than when I had a lazy shift as a barista. But I like having a job that pushes me to try, and to have a job that matters if I do it well. Nursing forces me to be a version of myself that others can rely on, and I love that about the job. This is not a career for everyone, but I’ve found it tremendously rewarding, even as I’ve also found it incredibly frustrating. 

If this intrigues you, maybe nursing! If it doesn’t, that’s fine. There’s lots of ways to help the world without burning yourself out.

Cant stop thinking about your older feisaru art. I was wondering if you have a hc of what they're upto at that age. Like hobbies, career, or the people they (still) hang out with?

ALRIGHT LET ME JUST SAY- talking about them on main like this is a little hard 4 me. The whole "if it mattered less, maybe I could talk more about it" bit. I'm still gonna try to not make it super vague? While also not being as overly elaborate as I sometimes get in private chats

Fei still loves soccer a lot. Overall he enjoys powering himself out physically when he gets the chance to. Wheter that can be considered a hobby, I dunno, but he enjoys painting nails a lot, especially if he gets to use a lot of colors and to draw silly little animals on them. He also likes cooking. He taught himself how to very early after CS-finish.

Whereas Saru really enjoys reading. He's been doing that even back when he was Feida's emperor, to escape reality a bit. Every so often, Fei comes up to him and asks what he's reading. If Saru wants to infodump about it, Fei gladly lets him. Honestly, it's not a seldom occurence that they just read together. It often starts with Fei asking Saru to read out loud for him because he really enjoys his voice, while he cuddles into Saru a bit. Then after a while Saru passes him the book. Sometimes they also read their own individual novels while just sitting together. Saru also still does soccer sometimes, but for him it's more like a bonding activity with Fei? He does it mainly because Fei likes it so much and he likes when Fei is happy. He'd still enjoy leading a soccer team but other than that, the physical aftermath of the vaccine was pretty hard on him, leading to him not being able to exhaust himself too much physically (he'd still throw hands if necessary tho). Well, he was never too much into sports anyway. Despite that he still loves climbing on trees. And once again I don't know if that counts as a full on hobby but at some point, because he has so much time on hand, he started attempting to scribble Fei in notebooks. I don't think he'd tell Fei though, he finds it embarrassing.

So now to the more complicated bits! Most of these are still Thoughts In Progress™️

I try not to think too hard about the whole job thing because- I'm still not that experienced with jobs and because I can't see either of them working traditionally. Saru still hasn't forgotten about what El Dorado and the system has done to them. He wouldn't want to work in it. He doesn't want to work in a system created and controlled by people who have damaged him beyond repair. He doesn't want to pretend all's well, he doesn't just want to act like nothing ever happened. And Fei? In theory, he's the one more likely to do it, just because his morality doesn't get in the way, but I can't really imagine him feeling good about working at all. It would really drain him. So the possibility I'm tending to most right now is that they're getting the 200 years into the future equivalent of Hartz IV (as much as Saru hates existing in the state they unfortunately can't just cease doing that and so taking the state's money is still the better option) (I barely know anything about what this whole thing is like so take this with a grain of salt) and that Asurei sometimes helps them out financially because he has more than enough money for himself. They don't have a lot but it suffices to live pretty okay as long as they keep in mind they have a limited amount of money at their disposal. But like I said, my thoughts might change in the future, when I know more myself. I once have entertained the thought of making Fei a mental health professional but that's in the scraps right now because. I know someone pretty similar to him who worked as that and I sure as hell do know it would exhaust him in the long run. He wouldn't be able to handle so many people professionally at once without starting to feel worse himself. He likes psychology but the reason he likes it is that he likes helping Saru. Using psychology on people whom he meets in an office on a professional basis just ain't it

Concerning hanging out, I and a friend have an AU (Trio AU) where Fei reaches out to Zanark so the 3 of them can play soccer together when they're 17-18-ish and he third-wheels for them. Later on he gets a gf, my friend's OC. The AU is more for giggles and laughs than anything and Zanark and Saru go on each other's nerves impossibly. A lot of the time it's "calm down, breathe in, breathe out, you're better than this, there's no reason to get seriously mad at this motherfucker, and most importantly you're doing this for Fei" for Saru. They still see Meia and Giris sometimes, albeit they live a little farther away. And they probably encounter Protocol Omega members sometimes, because they live in the same city as them (thinking about them encountering Alpha and Gamma on a date someday is fun... @amalg4me)

Either way I have some drawings where they're supposed to be young adults (Trio AU, including the banana sweater, all the CS x SPOP drawings... maybe even more. Most of the fluffier drawings are set at least 2 years after Chrono Stone) but I've only recently started figuring out how to get better at varying ages and I'm still working on it

Uh btw... if you wanna see some old man cuddles... I can gladly send you some in the dms. I've been drawing them as adults a lot lately, but I don't feel like posting those drawings on main

Beyond the WADs’ Roulette - Part 10: Chex Quest 2

#10: Chex Quest 2

Main author(s): Digital Café

Release date: 1997

Version(s) played: CQ3 1.4

Required port compatibility: Vanilla (original version)

Levels: 5 (E1M1-M5 in the original version, E2M1-M5 in Chex Quest 3)

After the success of the original Chex Quest, it was rather inevitable for Chex Quest 2 to happen. Released around a year later, in 1997, and requiring the original game to launch, this add-on continues the adventures of Chex Warrior, with five new maps and (technically) new enemies.

Right after the events of the first game, Chex Warrior returns to his home planet. And although Bazoik is now safe from Flemoids, the same could not be said about the Chex City. I believe you can guess what happens next.

Just like the first part of the Chex Quest trilogy, this game was played on the unofficial GZDoom version of Chex Quest 3 which has all of the previous games along with the new episode.

With that out of the way, let’s take care of the remaining slime filth.

Somehow, despite being rushed, Chex Quest 2 looks better than its predecessor. There is a bigger variety of locations rather than just different parts of the facility next to mines and mines themselves. It kind of feels like people could live here, with a diner next to the spaceport, a cinema that plays homages to the black and white movies/cartoons, a museum with skeletons, paintings, and a hedge maze, and there is also even Civvie’s delight - sewers.

Sure the map where you explore the regular buildings and streets looks lackluster but like I said, this game was rushed. If the developers were given a proper time limit, they would’ve come out with something better.

Even the music sounds better. There are fewer parts where it sounds juvenile and cacophonic. My favorite track might be Museum... from the map called Chex Museum... ORIGINAL TITLE PEOPLE!

Map design is somewhere on the level of the first game. It’s still easy to not get lost on these maps, although I feel like it has more annoying moments with excessive backtracking (like going from red key to red door in Sewer System).

It still has some memorable moments like when go through each theatre in the cinema to get behind it and the annoying hedge in Chex Museum (at least you can see it this time).

Chex Quest 2 is noticeably harder than the first game. There are more enemies, more tougher variants, and Flemoids seem to start using cheap tricks to actually slime you. It’s still an easy game, though, where you barely get hit and you can beat it without saving without any problems.

There are new types of Flemoids but none of them feel like a completely new enemy. Quadrumpus Larva and Maximus are just reskins of Armored Bipedicus, Cycloptis, and Flembrane (but at least in Chex Quest 3, the second one has 2/3 of its original health and the latter can now move).

I think Chex Quest 2 is as good as Chex Quest 1, if not slightly better than that game. In spite of being rushed, it looks better and is slightly more fun to play due to enemies slowly starting to be dangerous instead of being walking targets to zorch.

After the second game, there was supposed to be the third Chex Quest. Unfortunately, it didn’t materialize. There were fans who tried to make it a reality, but it all ended up either as abandoned projects or rip-offs of other WADs with a different coat of paint. It looks like the official Chex Quest 3 ceased to exist...

...

OR DID IT?!

thunder

To be continued in Chex Quest 3.

ughhhgguuuuuhhhhhhhh half-awake rant pooooossstt to calm my nervvssss...

Saw a mutual on my dash today reblogged by another mutual who are, definitely not on the same side of an argument, and I definitely find myself on one side.

All I gotta say is, if you stake your rights and safety on a system you want to dismantle, you're already fucking up. You will lose those rights and protections once it's gone, that's the dilemma facing Jewish citizens in Israel currently, Israel's existence (arguably) protects them and so it can continue to do whatever it wants, and because it's in the interests of imperial powers that Israel continue to operate, they are deincentivized to provide protections to Jewish people themselves, globally or locally, just to continue justifying Israel's existence and their investments in it.

The coming years are undoubtedly going to be a dangerous time for marginalized groups in America, but taking the democrats as a way to hold the line is just making a deal with the devil to hide from demons, at the cost of the lives of so many innocents. Even if the US ceased to send weapons to Israel, which they won't, they'll still continue to exploit and rape the lands and labor abroad and look for another small scale war to start, maybe escalate tensions with an isolated poor country they bombed out decades ago and left to rot, it's just what she does, those are her special interests.

In my opinion, the hard and dangerous way is the only genuine way, and it's been made hard and dangerous on purpose to keep people from taking it, but no other option can be made genuine. It's better to admit you can't make the right choice in this moment than commit yourself to one that'll prevent you from taking the chance for genuine change when it presents itself, this is especially the case for people who are powerless and like the feeling of being in control that being dedicated to a figure who is in control and having faith in them provides, I consider this weakness, but I don't let that gut reaction I have influence my opinion of people who pray for safety, but I will speak out against those who falsely believe moderate imperialists will protect them for the active harm such a belief will do, and how it will personally fail those who cling to the idea that, just for now, you'll hold the line and keep the fascists at bay, when in reality all you're doing is siding with one imperialist neoliberal over the other in the hopes they might leave you alone. All the democrats will do is keep the fascists at bay, because without the fascists, you won't vote for them.

The only guaranteed way to safety is through community, and the only guaranteed way to change is through organized action, and the two go hand in hand. That's not always an option for some people, but it's the only right one to me. I know, hypocritical for me, an isolated cowardly little person, to preach the good word of community and organized action, but I don't claim to always do what I think is the the right thing, but I at least know what is. I'm a weak individual, and whatever part of the brain that gives people the ability to reach out for help has been beaten inactive by the life I live, but I still gotta try what I can, at least try to approach the best option, and if trying for the best is good enough for me I think it should be good enough for anyone. There's always a better way, and just in my opinion, I don't consider personal danger a factor in what is the best way. It's tragic when the only way to leave an abusive relationship or be yourself or honestly help someone comes at the risk of if not your life, your stability, housing, health, or public perception and personal relationships, but there is still only one right way, and you will feel wrong for not doing it. Any amount of stress, danger, and sustained mental or physical damage suffered by an individual for the consequences of doing the right thing is worth it to me, and if you don't think it is, then just don't do anything please, for your own health and safety.

The fact that so many children are dying right now is terrifying. Even though there are claims on the temporary cease fire- it's just a distraction. What can we do? I know a lot of us are working hard to do what we can. I'm so scared and worried. So many lives are being taken. Historical buildings and people's memories. I know working around the system is the only way to survive. So talking with our communities, and finding ways to give each other the courage to retaliate against the genocide. Learning effective ways to work through the system with the people around us. We need to take care of ourselves and each other. Felicia told me to give myself credit, because statistically I should be dead. I see how the system has hurt us. The system wants us to think we are doing something wrong, when they have so much power we can't even comprehend without feeling it in our entire being. I don't want to speak for my friend, whom I love very dearly. I just know we have always told each other to take care of our mental and spiritual health as a first priority. They are from Palestine, so I am very worried because I haven't heard from them in a couple weeks. I wanted to talk to more Palestinian students. People who have lost their loved ones, and figure out where to go from there. The whole world should never be on your shoulders. We should be asking questions and holding space for those who understand loss in this world. We have to hear them, and give them space and TIME to call back their spirit. We need their voices to be heard amongst the masses. We can continue to fight alongside them, while that work is being done. Also recognizing that each life is different and complicated, so we need to respect that. That's the only way we keep them with us. Please check your privilege genuinely. Give yourself time to process and live life. Learn more and love more. Create more art to commemorate our elders and ancestors. Keep our love and cultures in this world, so we can keep the earth safe for our children. We need to know how to talk to each other. We will leave the world but we need to live in love right now, so our children can love too.

I want to elaborate on this topic later on. I just feel so many things. I'm very grateful that I can. But I am very heartbroken. I'm upset that I am used to being so heartbroken. And there's just this cloud above me. And I am not sure how to proceed at times. I would like to live a normal life. I have never lived a normal life, even in the states. But I am figuring it all out. I know when I meditate. Allow myself to live in the ways where... If I were to sit with someone I loved and trusted... even if I didn't know much about them by that time... I would live in a way where I would ask them how they would feel okay. I think enjoying nature, getting our little bouts or revenge, and feeling beautiful and safe... would probably be how. I want to live my life. I used to want to take my life. I still do sometimes before I lose myself in everything. I am still pulled back between being this immature young adult and then someone who grew up too fast and wants to have all the answers. It's just a sick feeling but it will get better. I know it will. It has in ways because I am seeing how love still exists. In patience, and impulsiveness, love still exists. Allowing yourself to feel that love and follow it- it's complicated but I want to continue living. And I don't want to leave anyone behind. I know I can and will or might. But I don't want to. When I do; I want to feel it and understand why. I know things will get better. I've seen it before.

Our experience with Kimmer's aunt Jacquie through this month has caused us to wonder, causes me to wonder, about memory and the brain. About losing and gaining cognitive abilities. And yes, even about the where of where "we" are.

As in Where is Jacquie right now?

I didn't know what I thought about all this until it came up. My baseline was that, once you lost some cognitive ability, that was it.

Gone.

Irrevocably gone.

Except... no. Because Jacquie regained certain cognitive functions, then lost them again. There have been days when she was more capable than other days. Moments that surprised us. That made us scratch our heads.

How on earth could she regain what was gone...

And then lose it again?

And if something lost could appear again, then...

Where's it been this whole time?

I talked to Jacquie's son about the idea that it's as if Jacquie's abilities are being haphazardly turned on and off. Or as if someone's randomly connecting, disconnecting, reconnecting, and cross-connecting different parts of Jacquie's brain to the point where certain memories that were gone came back.

Temporarily.

For sure I thought that wasn't possible. I imagined memories that are gone are literally no longer there. Cease to exist. Empty rooms where specific experiences used to reside.

What I've forgotten, of course, is that our brains have a storage function, an access mechanism, and a sort of catalog system.

Catalog system?

Yeah. It's how we know we know something... without having access to that information even though we know we know it.

As far as storage goes, from the outside it's impossible to know whether a memory's no longer there or if access to the memory's somehow been severed. And the idea that we can lose the connection to our memories without losing the memories themselves, well...

It makes me wonder:

What else can we lose in there that's still, in fact, there?

What keeps these thoughts swirling about is the fact that connections do remain between Jacquie's perceptions, her vision, her hearing, her touch... and the Jacquie who's seemingly hidden from us. We see that Jacquie in her facial expressions, in her reactions to things we just said or a laugh we just indulged. We hear her in her tone of voice when she responds or when she asks or when she declares. We feel her in her touch. And especially, over the last nine months, we saw her in classically Jacquie responses and behaviors involving specific phrases, tones of voice, facial expressions, and hand/arm movements.

These are things that are only Jacquie. And no one else.

They're what we'd use to ferret out an impostor Jacquie if we all found ourselves trapped in a Spy movie.

What we're responding to is a breathtaking experience in which some small thing about Jacquie invokes the Whole Jacquie. It's a particular thing she does, tone, action, facial expression, that causes something in our brains to go

There she is! There's Jacquie!

Even as she becomes less verbal and less verbally understandable, the essential Jacquie still appears from time to time from wherever she is when she's not present with us. And in many ways the experience feels like we're not so much losing her as we're losing contact with her.

We're losing our connection to wherever Jacquie resides in her brain while the processes that undermine her physical health have their way.

So.

Is that a difference that makes a difference? Is losing our connection with Jacquie substantially different from losing Jacquie herself?

I have no idea.

To me, though, the implication that a connection's been lost means Jacquie's still there. In there, somewhere. Personality. Behaviors. Memories.

All of it.

She just spends a lot of her time in mental exile.

But she is there.

Does that make a difference?

I'm gonna have to go with Yes. Obviously it does.

To us.

It's hard to explain otherwise the strong gravitational force to share this last chapter of her life in her seemingly diminished state. It's hard to explain otherwise our need to let her know she's loved wherever she is right now.

It's hard to explain otherwise our need to end well with her.

If Jacquie was flatlined I'm certain this would be a much shorter story. It wouldn't be so much about maintaining our connection with her or trying hard to hear and understand what she's trying to tell us in all the ways she's trying to tell us verbally and nonverbally.

If Jacquie was flatlined I think we'd be more determined to say goodbye. I think we'd be more focused on coming to grips with our loss and grief.

If Jacquie was flatlined this story would be about us, not her.

Instead, what seems most important is to let her know she's not alone as the moments slip away. It seems most important to maintain a human connection, a family connection, a relational connection regardless of where Jacquie is inside herself.

Regardless of how far along in the process her body is in shutting down.

In the end, I don't know where Jacquie is. No more than I know where a single memory in my own brain resides. I just know that everything in me, everything in us, recognizes her when she pops through the constraints of her physical condition.

When she's Jacquie, no matter what.

And it is that recognition and that recognition alone that causes us to believe with everything we are, with everything we know, that when we're in that room with her...

We're in that room with her.

And so yesterday was Jacquie's 81st birthday... and a birthday party was had. Kimmer (who constantly tells Jacquie that she's Jacquie's favorite niece), Jacquie's son, and Jacquie's grandson were on hand to celebrate with german chocolate cupcakes, balloons, roses, and a silver birthday tiara for the birthday girl. It's their way of honoring Jacquie in the properly festive manner she'd enjoy.

It's also the attitude.

With which they will walk this last mile with her.

Our experience with Kimmer's aunt Jacquie through this month has caused us to wonder, causes me to wonder, about memory and the brain. About losing and gaining cognitive abilities. And yes, even about the where of where "we" are.

As in Where is Jacquie right now?

The answer of course is...

She's with family.

Reasons For Which One Needs To Invest On A Spiral Duct System

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Getting a key for Windows 7 is just part of the steps of activating your Windows 7, but you might encounter the problem of getting the right workable key. In case you fall into this category, the following subheadings below will help you. Inside this folder is the SLUI located, so type it on the search engine to locate it easily This particular file stores Windows 7 key Right-click on the SLUI file will bring up some options and click on the properties out of them A window with settings option will pop up The table security should be selected. Then users in the next to be selected Choose advanced button on the next systems that come up A new window will come up Click the tab for an owner and this should be deleted thereafter Click on the apply option Close the window that was earlier opened. 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Progressively bring up the shoulders and carry it like that for 8 moments before discharging. A wonderful way to stay healthy is always to choose a exercise connected action that you just really enjoy. This might be something similar to bike biking, roller blading, or perhaps backpacking. In this way you will end up exercising pretty strenuously and since it is some thing you really take pleasure in you won't even recognize it. If ukraine health insurance having trouble inspiring yourself to continue to be active, think of including your pet inside your physical fitness regiment. Canines want to manage, and you might be able to pick-up some of that power and point out to your self that you could get pleasure from jogging, at the same time. Reports have also displayed that those who workout with Fido will probably stay with it, when compared with people who exercise independently or using a human good friend. Diet plan greatly affects your body inside the question of physical fitness. 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Reward system

A:N: It’s so good to be posting something again but i’m not confident about my nsfw skils lol 

Summary: Where Mikasa helps you to relax so you can study better <3 

Warnings: making out, a lot of kisses, slight mention of oral sex and fingering 

The beginning of the pandemic made your college choose to continue classes virtually. Like many others, for the safety of all. At first, you loved the idea. You didn't have to wake up early, not to miss the bus, not having to leave the comfort of your apartment shared with your girlfriend, but after months? You felt suffocated. There was endless homework, research to be done, and always hours and hours sitting in front of the computer to handle everything in time. Taking classes at home brought the college's stress into the place that used to be your paradise, your room.

To make things better there was not much to be done outside the home either. Everything was closed, except for the market and other essential establishments. You understood that everything was necessary for everyone's health. But all that stress was growing at an alarming level within you. Mikasa watched you rip and throw papers for a long time. She knew that when you focused on something, everything else ceased to exist, including yourself. So you always saw her leaving you a cup of coffee on the table, something to eat, or just her head on the door saying "Remember to take a break". Unlike you, she could handle the situation more calmly, just like everything else she did.

Mikasa missed you. You were home longer, but not with her. Before you would arrive tired, but sit next to her to watch something after a hot shower. Now, you spent most of your time at your little table, and when you left you fell straight into bed.

You needed to relax, and she wanted to help.

And that's how you ended up in the current situation. It started with something simple and innocent. She had suggested a small reward system to help you study better and deal with her own desire to have you at the same time. With every question you got right, she would give you a kiss. It would be okay if you missed more questions or if the kisses had not become longer, longer, and more intense. It got to the point where you two were more kissing than studying.

What was the question again? What was the subject about? Did you get the last question right or wrong? You didn't know it anymore. The only thing you could think about was how well your lips fit with hers, the soft, warm feeling inside your mouth making you lose your breath and still yearn for more. It was enough to stop you for a brief second for you to realize how much you missed her. Mikasa's hands grabbed under the folds of your knees to bring you closer after passing lightly over your thighs, as much as the two chairs allowed. When you were about to end that annoying distance by sitting on her lap, she squeezed your hips and put you back in your chair. You frowned, and she smiled mischievously, slightly bitting your neck. Without hurting, just pressing the sensitive flesh with her teeth. The bite would not leave a mark, but certainly, the way she sucked the area soon afterward did.

You shifted in your chair, and she pressed you against the furniture again in a silent request for you to remain there. You snorted frustrated by the restriction, and she smiled at your impatience. It wasn't that you didn't like to do things slowly, but you were already wet enough to want her now. Mikasa knew this from the way you sighed in her hands, so she would provoke you as far as her will dictates.

Her hands ventured into her shirt, squeezing her waist without breaking the kiss before touching her breasts.

"No bra?" She said, running her thumbs over your nipples.

You rolled your eyes at the comment and tilted your neck so that she had more access to that part that makes the hairs on the back of your neck and arm stand on end, while Mikasa's long, thin fingers were now busy making circles and the more you loved it thought about the work on the table waiting for you.

"Mi-Mikasa, I still have to study"

"Have you?"

You were about to answer when she stepped away to take off your old shirt and throw it somewhere in the room. The cold breeze coming in through the window made you cringe a little, and for an instant, you were shy by the intense look on your body. No matter how much time passed. Mikasa would always look at you with the same adoration and desire as the first time she saw you naked. She just couldn't get enough of you. So with each new dose, she came back hungry for more.

She grabbed your thighs and placed them on her lap without taking your eyes off yours. The dark-haired girl wanted to see if you would still prefer to come back after finally getting what you wanted and a little more. And motivated by this, Mikasa took her mouth to the side of your boob where she placed a brief kiss, then another closer to your nipple. When her lips came a little closer, your chest rose and fell, breathing heavily in anticipation, but instead of putting them where you wanted them, she licked the same place she had kissed.

"I thought you had to study"

Mikasa leaned her back on the chair,  moving away and taking her hands off you with the same expression as always. Composed. Controlled. Annoying now.

You bit the inside of your cheek and got up from her lap. You looked for your shirt around the room and found it near the foot of the bed. It didn't take long to get dressed and sit in your chair again with your cheeks slightly inflated by the irritation of being teased. If she wanted to hear you beg, it wouldn't be today. Especially, with you having so much to do. No matter how hard you were trying to ignore the moisture in your panties.

“Don’t be like that, babe” She said, putting a hand on your knee “I still want to help you study”

You frowned at her questioning the teaching methods used so far. Mikasa moved the chair she was sitting on and knelt in front of you, between your legs. You waited to see her pulling your shorts down along with your soaked panties. Placing your legs over her shoulders, even though you already had in mind what she intended to do, your little eager voice for her touches said:

"I don't know how this is going to help"

Her dark eyes never left yours, and from that angle to her, you couldn't be more beautiful.

“Just try to focus on the questions and relax. If you don’t focus, I’ll stop"

Of course, you were unable to focus. As if it were possible with the way that her tongue played and sucked your clit, with the way that her fingers went and saw curved inside you. But for sure, moaning her name and tightening your thighs around her head after a second orgasm helped you to finally relax.

Flufftober Day 4 - Wounded

The last thing Firmus Piett expected to see upon entering Lord Vader’s quarters was Luke Skywalker asleep on the couch.

His jaw dropped, and so did the stack of datapads in his hands.  He fumbled them for a moment, nearly caught them, and then they hit the floor with a clatter. 

This was it, then.  This was how he died.  Because whatever the explanation was for this, he was certain Lord Vader wouldn’t be inclined to share it with him.

Unwilling to leave a mess as his last legacy, Piett knelt and began gathering the datapads with numb fingers.  One had bounced across the floor out of reach, and before he could lean forward to retrieve it, it lifted off the ground.

Piett stared as the datapad floated lazily towards him, forcing himself to take it and add it to the stack as if nothing out of the ordinary were occurring.  As if a prominent member of the Empire’s Most Wanted List and Lord Vader’s personal obsession wasn’t propped up against a pile of pillows on Lord Vader’s couch with a blanket wrapped around him, blinking sleepily up at Piett with his hair sticking out at odd angles.

“That last one got away from you,” Skywalker said, then yawned.  He at least had the good grace to cover his mouth and look embarassed.  “I hope it’s not broken.”

“I’m...er...I’m sure it’s fine,” Piett responded.  He tightened his grip on the treacherous datapads and stood straight, considering his next move.  If this was a trap for Lord Vader, it was an extraordinarily bad one.  He’d quite literally caught Skywalker sleeping on the job.

Still, Skywalker was a Jedi, and had obviously captured Lord Vader’s attention for a reason.  It was best not to underestimate him.  Even if he did look remarkably young and slight, stretched out on a couch that Piett had never seen anyone use before.

He knew better than most, appearances could be deceiving.  

“You seem surprised,” Skywalker remarked.

“Candidly, yes.”  Piett sat the stack of datapads on a small table by the door.  Best to have his hands free, just in case.  “I am accustomed to finding Rebel spies in our ranks, but not sleeping in Lord Vader’s quarters.”

The boy laughed softly.  “I’m no spy.  And you can stop worrying.”  He pulled the blanket back, revealing a cast encasing his right leg.  “I’m not much of a threat right now.”

Piett kept his gaze steady.  Appearances, and all that.  “You’ll forgive me for disagreeing.”

Skywalker shrugged.  “Up to you.  You’re looking for Vader?”

“Lord Vader and I have a briefing at 1900, yes.”

The boy’s eyes widened.  “It’s 1900 already?”

“Past, by now.”

“He’s late.  He should have been back ages ago.”  Skywalker closed his eyes, his brow furrowed and his face drawn with worry.  When he opened his eyes again, his gaze was blank and unseeing.  Just as Piett was starting to worry, the boy blinked, shook his head and focused back on Piett.  “I can’t find him,” he said.  “This isn’t right.  Can you com him? He might be--”

“Stop,” Piett said firmly.  Skywalker, for all that he wasn’t a member of the Imperial Navy and likely held no respect for Piett’s authority, stopped.  “Under no circumstances will I com Lord Vader at the request of the Rebel I found in his quarters unless you explain to me exactly what is going on here.”

The boy looked well and truly frightened now.  Perhaps his ruse, whatever it was, was starting to unravel.  “You know what the Force is, right?”

“Yes.”  Jedi and their bygone religion were strictly taboo subjects in the Imperial ranks, but one didn’t survive in Lord Vader’s service for long without developing a healthy respect for his strange abilities.

“Vader and I can both use it.  It lets us...it’s hard to explain, but we can sense each other.  We can use it to communicate, and to track each other’s locations.”  His expression softened for a moment.  “It’s how he found me when I hurt my leg.”

Piett was more open-minded than his predecessor had been, but even he drew the line somewhere.  “Are you trying to tell me that the Supreme Commander of the Imperial Navy is secretly communicating with a Rebel Jedi using his mind?”

Skywalker looked pained.  “I told you, it’s hard to explain.  And we weren’t secretly communicating.  Until a few days ago it was mostly him talking and me ignoring him.”

“I see,” Piett said flatly.

“No,” the boy exclaimed, “you don’t!  He always answers when I reach out, always.  And he’s not answering now and I can’t sense him, which means he’s either shielding or something’s happened to him.”

“Shielding?”

“It’s...” Skywalker puffed out an exasperated breath.  “It’s exactly what it sounds like.  You have shields around this ship protecting her from things trying to harm her - asteroids and proton torpedoes, things like that.  We can do the same thing, to protect our minds from intruders.”

“Perhaps,” Piett suggested dryly, “Lord Vader is occupied with something which he doesn’t want a member of the Rebel Alliance ‘intruding’ on.”

Skywalker looked stricken, and so young.  How could this boy, barely into adulthood, be responsible for so many Imperial lives?  “I know you don’t trust me,” he said.  “You have no reason to, and my--Vader wouldn’t trust you so much if you were easily fooled.  But hasn’t he ever given you an order that didn’t make sense, that was based on one of his hunches or feelings, and it turned out to be correct?  That’s the Force.  I have the same hunches and feelings, and right now they’re telling me that something is wrong.”

His voice was completely earnest, and layered iwth a depth of emotion Piett couldn’t begin to comprehend.

“Please,” he added softly.

Piett understood the Imperial system better than anyone.  He knew all too well that military protocol demanded Skywalker be arrested, if not shot on sight.  Conversing with him, comming Lord Vader at his request, was beyond foolish.  A junior officer making a mistake like this would have been stripped of his rank, either officially or through Lord Vader’s alternative methods of staff management.

But Piett had not become an admiral through blind adherence to protocol, least of all where Lord Vader’s hunt for Skywalker was concerned.  The efforts expended always seemed to far outweigh any strategic benefits to be gained by Skywalker’s capture, but they had carried on relentlessly.

Which suggested, Piett knew, that there was more to Lord Vader’s obsession than military strategy.  The way he had stared into space after the Millenium Falcon had impossibly escaped from the trap laid at Cloud City, then walked off the bridge as if he carried the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders.

The way Skywalker looked at him now, eyes wide and pleading.

There was something here that he didn’t fully understand.  But, like Skywalker had said, sometimes, when it came to Lord Vader, the right course of action didn’t always make sense.

He took out his comlink.  Relief washed over Skywalker’s face.  “One last question,” Piett said.  “Why, exactly, are you here?”

Skywalker looked perplexed.  “I broke my leg.”

Piett wanted nothing more than to roll his eyes, but years of military training stopped him.  “You’re Luke Skywalker,” he said, “and I found you sleeping, unguarded and unrestrained, in Darth Vader’s quarters.  Why are you here?”

“Ohhh,” Skywalker said, as if it hadn’t occurred to him that his presence would raise questions.  “He knows I’m here, if that’s what you’re asking.  He brought me here.”

“Are you a prisoner?”

A fleeting, pained expression crossed the boy’s face.  “I don’t know.”

Piett nodded. This was enough.  It would have to be.  He had a feeling asking more questions - learning anything more about this strange boy and his place in Lord Vader’s life - would be hazardous to his health.

He activated his comlink.  Before he could enter Lord Vader’s frequency, the boy gasped softly.  Piett lowered the comlink in alarm.  “What is it?”

“He’s--”

The door slid open and Lord Vader entered.  Piett snapped to attention as Vader paused just inside the doorway.

“Admiral.”  There was a warning note in his voice that Piett had heard too many times before.

“Lord Vader,” he said.  His voice was steady and his heart rate was normal.  He had learned long ago that fear only sharpened Lord Vader’s temper.  “I apologize.  I arrived for our 1900 briefing and--”

“And you weren’t here,” Skywalker interrupted.  “He was just about to com you for me.”

Lord Vader tilted his head.  “I was delayed over an hour.  Why did you wait until now?”

Skywalker’s cheeks flushed and he glanced down at the blanket covering his legs.  “I fell asleep,” he muttered.

There was a soft noise from Lord Vader’s respirator, one Piett had never heard before.  He walked over to the couch and smoothed down Skywalker’s unruly hair.  The boy closed his eyes and put his own hand over Vader’s.

Piett began mentally putting his affairs in order.

“I apologize, little one.”

Piett moved on to listing all the people he would have said goodbye to.

“I couldn’t sense you.  Are you alright?  Where were you?”

“Having a conversation where I could not be interrupted, and where it was imperative that your presence not be detected.”

Skywalker went very pale.  “You mean--”

“Yes,” Lord Vader said.  “You are not safe here anymore.”

The boy’s grip on the black-gloved hand tightened.  “What do we do?”

“Not now, Luke.”  He turned to Piett, who held his head high and hoped it would be quick.  “Admiral, your decision to hear Skywalker out rather than arrest him was sound.”

“I--” For a moment Piett wasn’t sure what was happening.  “Thank you, Lord Vader.”

“I trust you will continue to show the same good judgment in the future.”

There was no mistaking Lord Vader’s meaning, and only one answer that would keep him alive.  “I will, my lord.”

“Good.  There is a Corellian VCX-Series fighter in my personal hangar.  Have it refueled and fully provisioned before the morning shift.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Are you sending me away?” Skywalker interjected softly.

“Dismissed, Admrial,” Lord Vader said, then turned back to Skywalker as if Piett had ceased to exist.  “Not by choice, little one.”

Piett didn’t hear Skywalker’s murmered answer.  He was already moving - was lucky to be alive - was halfway through the door when Skywalker called out to him.

“Admiral Piett?”

He turned, remembered belatedly that he knew the boy’s rank.  “Yes, Commander?”

Skywalker smiled faintly at the title.  “Thank you for listening.  Instead of arresting me, I mean.”

Piett wanted to tell Skywalker to take care not to fall asleep out in the open again, that other officers would not be as patient as he had been. But Lord Vader’s hand rested heavily on the boy’s shoulder, so he simply nodded and said, “of course.”

The door slid shut, leaving him finally, mercifully alone in the corridor.  He stood very still, allowing himself a moment to try to make sense of what just happened.

Piett had never seen Lord Vader show a shred of kindness to anyone before, much less receive kindness from anyone who wasn’t looking for something in return.  Why had Skywalker spent the last three years running if this was how they behaved towards one another?

Maybe Skywalker, like Piett, hadn’t known that Lord Vader was capable of kindness.

Skywalker seemed to have made his decision.  It was time for Piett to make his.

He could tend to the Corellian fighter as Lord Vader had commanded, undoubtedly committing treason and helping a wanted criminal return to the Rebellion.  Or he could contact Imperial Centre - for that was surely who Lord Vader’s private conversation had been with - inform them that a Rebel Jedi was secreted away on board his ship, and be responsible for destroying the heart he hadn’t known Lord Vader to have until just minutes ago.

It was no decision at all, really.  

Piett straightened his collar and set off.  He had precious little time left before he was due back on the bridge.

But it was time enough to refuel a starfighter.

Black Panther Party, original name Black Panther Party for Self-Defense, African American revolutionary party, founded in 1966 in Oakland, California, by Huey P. Newton and Bobby Seale.

The party’s original purpose was to patrol African American neighborhoods to protect residents from acts of police brutality. The Panthers eventually developed into a Marxist revolutionary group that called for the arming of all African Americans, the exemption of African Americans from the draft and from all sanctions of so-called white America, the release of all African Americans from jail, and the payment of compensation to African Americans for centuries of exploitation by white Americans. At its peak in the late 1960s, Panther membership exceeded 2,000, and the organization operated chapters in several major American cities.

Origin and political program

Despite passage of the 1960s civil rights legislation that followed the landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka (1954), African Americans living in cities throughout North America continued to suffer economic and social inequality.

Poverty and reduced public services characterized these urban centers, where residents were subject to poor living conditions, joblessness, chronic health problems, violence, and limited means to change their circumstances. Such conditions contributed to urban uprisings in the 1960s (such as those in the Watts district of Los Angeles in 1965, among others) and to the increased use of police violence as a measure to impose order on cities throughout North America.

It was in this context, and in the wake of the assassination of Malcolm X in 1965, that Merritt Junior College students Huey P. Newton and Bobby Seale founded the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense on October 15, 1966, in West Oakland (officially “Western Oakland,” a district of the city of Oakland), California.

Shortening its name to the Black Panther Party, the organization immediately sought to set itself apart from African American cultural nationalist organizations, such as the Universal Negro Improvement Association and the Nation of Islam, to which it was commonly compared. 

Although the groups shared certain philosophical positions and tactical features, the Black Panther Party and cultural nationalists differed on a number of basic points. For instance, whereas African American cultural nationalists generally regarded all white people as oppressors, the Black Panther Party distinguished between racist and nonracist whites and allied themselves with progressive members of the latter group.

Also, whereas cultural nationalists generally viewed all African Americans as oppressed, the Black Panther Party believed that African American capitalists and elites could and typically did exploit and oppress others, particularly the African American working class. 

Perhaps most importantly, whereas cultural nationalists placed considerable emphasis on symbolic systems, such as language and imagery, as the means to liberate African Americans, the Black Panther Party believed that such systems, though important, are ineffective in bringing about liberation. It considered symbols as woefully inadequate to ameliorate the unjust material conditions, such as joblessness, created by capitalism.

From the outset, the Black Panther Party outlined a Ten Point Program, not unlike those of the Universal Negro Improvement Association and Nation of Islam,  A number of positions outlined in the

  From the outset, the Black Panther Party outlined a Ten Point Program, not unlike those of the Universal Negro Improvement Association and Nation of Islam, to initiate national African American community survival projects and to forge alliances with progressive white radicals and other organizations of people of color.

 A number of positions outlined in the Ten Point Program address a principle stance of the Black Panther Party: economic exploitation is at the root of all oppression in the United States and abroad, and the abolition of capitalism is a precondition of social justice. In the 1960s this socialist economic outlook, informed by a Marxist political philosophy, resonated with other social movements in the United States and in other parts of the world. Therefore, even as the Black Panther Party found allies both within and beyond the borders of North America, the organization also found itself squarely in the crosshairs of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and its counterintelligence program, COINTELPRO. In fact, in 1969 FBI director J. Edgar Hoover considered the Black Panther Party the greatest threat to national security.

Source:Britannica.com - Black Panther Party Legacy

Black Paraphernalia Disclaimer - images from Google images

PART 2 ALL ABOUT THE BLACK PANTHERS

Ten Point Program address a principle stance of the Black Panther Party: read below for the 10 point which was the pillar of the party

1. We want freedom. We want power to determine the destiny of our Black and oppressed communities.

We believe that Black and oppressed people will not be free until we are able to determine our destinies in our own communities ourselves, by fully controlling all the institutions which exist in our communities.

2. We want full employment for our people.

We believe that the federal government is responsible and obligated to give every person employment or a guaranteed income. We believe that if the American businessmen will not give full employment, then the technology and means of production should be taken from the businessmen and placed in the community so that the people of the community can organize and employ all of its people and give a high standard of living.

3. We want an end to the robbery by the capitalist of our Black and oppressed communities.

We believe that this racist government has robbed us and now we are demanding the overdue debt of forty acres and two mules. Forty acres and two mules were promised 100 years ago as restitution for slave labor and mass murder of Black people. We will accept the payment in currency which will be distributed to our many communities. The American racist has taken part in the slaughter of over fifty million Black people. Therefore, we feel this is a modest demand that we make.

4. We want decent housing, fit for the shelter of human beings.

We believe that if the landlords will not give decent housing to our Black and oppressed communities, then the housing and the land should be made into cooperatives so that the people in our communities, with government aid, can build and make decent housing for the people.

5. We want education for our people that exposes the true nature of this decadent American society. We want education that teaches us our true history and our role in the present-day society.

We believe in an educational system that will give to our people a knowledge of self. If you do not have knowledge of yourself and your position in the society and the world, then you will have little chance to know anything else.

6. We want completely free health care for all Black and oppressed people.

We believe that the government must provide, free of charge, for the people, health facilities which will not only treat our illnesses, most of which have come about as a result of our oppression, but which will also develop preventative medical programs to guarantee our future survival. We believe that mass health education and research programs must be developed to give all Black and oppressed people access to advanced scientific and medical information, so we may provide ourselves with proper medical attention and care.

7. We want an immediate end to police brutality and murder of Black people, other people of color, all oppressed people inside the United States.

We believe that the racist and fascist government of the United States uses its domestic enforcement agencies to carry out its program of oppression against Black people, other people of color and poor people inside the United States. We believe it is our right, therefore, to defend ourselves against such armed forces, and that all Black and oppressed people should be armed for self-defense of our homes and communities against these fascist police forces.

8. We want an immediate end to all wars of aggression.

We believe that the various conflicts which exist around the world stem directly from the aggressive desires of the U.S. ruling circle and government to force its domination upon the oppressed people of the world. We believe that if the U.S. government or its lackeys do not cease these aggressive wars that it is the right of the people to defend themselves by any means necessary against their aggressors.

9. We want freedom for all Black and poor oppressed people now held in U.S. federal, state, county, city and military prisons and jails. We want trials by a jury of peers for all persons charged with so-called crimes under the laws of this country.

We believe that the many Black and poor oppressed people now held in U.S. prisons and jails have not received fair and impartial trials under a racist and fascist judicial system and should be free from incarceration. We believe in the ultimate elimination of all wretched, inhuman penal institutions, because the masses of men and women imprisoned inside the United States or by the U.S. military are the victims of oppressive conditions which are the real cause of their imprisonment. We believe that when persons are brought to trial that they must be guaranteed, by the United States, juries of their peers, attorneys of their choice and freedom from imprisonment while awaiting trials.

10. We want land, bread, housing, education, clothing, justice, peace and people’s community control of modern technology.

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that, whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and, accordingly, all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But, when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.

Source: Wikipedia Ten point program

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Horoscopes for New Moon in Cancer July 9th 2021

Horoscopes for the New Moon in Cancer

July 9th 2021

By Antonina “Little Thunder” Whaples

@whaplesantonina 

If you find these horoscopes useful, please consider voting for me in the Muscle and Fitness Hers front cover competition for 2021′s Ms. Health and Fitness: https://mshealthandfitness.com/2021/antonina

Digital painting by Antonina Whaples

Still steaming in the energy of the overarching solstice sun rays, this New Moon in cancer will have you blissfully forgetting any of the struggles of the very conflicted Capricorn dominated conversations of the last Full Moon. In the wake and bake of the solstice, our Yang energy gets an overdrive that manifests in contrasting ways. Looking at your focuses on this way down the epic landslide of energy will open up gates of knowledge to understandings about your true identity. With Saturn coming into center with Aquarius soon, and Jupiter hitting retrograde in Aquarius on July 28th, your inner databanks are getting a major makeover Queer Eye style.

Much of this reorganization will center around how we collectively feel about ourselves individually, our responsibilities for our words and actions in our communities, and how we plan to make real-time changes to our “Ways” in order to contribute to grand legacies. Legacies themselves will undergo a transformation of definition. We can thank good old Venus opposing Saturn in Aquarius for this. But, unlike the “tower of babble” moment, the scenarios brought up by this New Moon will have your communication systems recalibrating towards epic achievements of the mind/body/spirit varieties. It’s all about Love, your memories of it, the ways you’ve embodied it, and the sacrifices made for it. Some of those sacrifices are coming full circle, and in the New Moon, this will be mostly felt by the Yin collective consciousness as a major relief. If you’re feeling unbalanced on the 10th, try to focus on activities that bring you comfort and ease your mind. This act may feel like a true moment of spiritual rebellion. 

There’s a lot of hope in this moon, cradled by Cancers’ warm and loving waters. The “Home” is pivotal to this Moon’s inherent cleansing cycle, which may bring up dust and twigs swept under the rug. The idea of responsibility for our actions is heightened. We will all be challenged to face our own idiosyncrasies and dualities. This appears to be a long standing theme we’re all checking in and out of repeatedly until Neptune stations direct in Pisces on December 1st 2021. This very slow moving energy feels like a drum out of rhythm with our daily lives. Individually we are learning to tune into deeper vibrations of our own, and tune out wavelengths disruptive to our growth. This moon is a good time to move your body to healing sounds that help you manifest the emotional experiences attached to your not yet manifested dreams, hopes, prayers, and altar work.

Aries:

My fiery frequencies have been running too hot. I find places to release my steam that are quiet, dark, and all my own. Whether in the outside world, or my inner mind palace, I find slices of shade are my delight. I desire a type of self-synergy that can only be activated in the realms of the subconscious, and I make time to rest in the ways that make these new synapses happen. I want to learn and grow, and I’m giving myself the space to honor the eternal internal scholar within myself.

Taurus:

I’ve been typecasting my own archetype for some time, and I’ve realized those imprints have become outdated. I do not fear the revelation of my Cosmic Face to my own self, but rather look forward to the introduction of myself to Myself. I find ways to greet my emerging identity by balancing my time with friends and family. I take the time to meditate on what I am agreeing to when I go along with the herds. I respect my self sovereignty enough to reject projections on my personhood. I take responsibility for my own reflections on others, and these actions allow me to accept myself in any situation. I release all concepts of my empathic or psychic nature as negative, and allow the gifts I have been given to garnish me with life’s abundances.

Gemini:

I’m preparing for my mic drop moment. I’ve been writing bars and aiming for the stars, and I feel it coming. Not sure what, not sure when, but this moon is bringing mojo. I sense the message I was meant to embody is being written deeply inside me by a host of ghosts and ancestors ready to protect my destiny. Things are feeling extra cosmic, and I can almost feel my future touching me from time to time. I let myself enjoy my dreaming time, and this New Moon gives me a place to hide my secret poems and self reflections. There’s a softness coming over me, and I feel comfortable allowing myself to relax into the knowledge that my creative genius isn’t just valuable, it’s real.

Cancer:

The cycle of filling and emptying feels extra powerful under this New Moon. Elevated by this lunation, I use this dark moon to focus on the moments in-between. In this meditation, the world opens up a new concept of Time to me. In this knowledge I am able to reconstruct my psychological leanings away from worst-case-scenario and anxiety -laden secret self conversations. I don’t need to look outside myself for cues from the pack, and I am comfortable asserting my authoritative genius when applicable. This acknowledgement of my self-worth and efficacy gives me awareness that assists my community and gives others much needed moments of Hope & Joy.

Leo:

Things feel saucy in the right ways this new moon. Yin and Yang are focused on balancing my section of the sky’s influences this lunation cycle. Sometimes I feel the tug of my shadow side urging me to use my head AND my heart. Although I feel driven by the power of my heart center, and the emotions of my inner oceans, I find time to stop and ask myself “is this what I really want?”. When I allow myself to acknowledge the influences beckoning me to overspend my creative and sexual resources, I am able to find my personal zen. I discover new secret distractions in the everyday experience of relating and existing in community and friendship. I’m learning to tune my volume to the right settings, and this allows my audience to hear me clearly. Clarity has become increasingly important to me, as discernment makes me feel centered. This moon I use the dark hours to clear my mind, and calm my heart.

Virgo:

The quiet emptying of this New Moon secretly invites me to advocate for my silent needs in ways that feel safe to me. I practice self loyalty regularly, and renew my vows to my internal compass under the protection of the current skies. I know that moments like this aren’t always accessible, so when they are, I congratulate myself for my good luck. Spending time with private projects makes me feel centered and focused in ways that empower me. I use this darkened moon to look at my private world with a gentle eye. I know that my goals are just an echo of desires I’m learning to advocate for. Finding words for my journey helps me understand myself the way I wish to be understood.

Libra:

I am allowing myself to be seen and appreciated by myself. When I take the time to be in relationship with myself, my moods, and my memories, I find a special center. I’m manifesting a reality where my sense of self is solidified and appreciated by myself first and foremost. Through my self manifestation work, I am becoming aware and knowledgeable of the long history and sacrifices of those who came before me. I use this awareness to build gratitude within my heart center for myself and anyone else who shares in my archetype. My focus on self-healing is a radical step in my generational efforts in this timeline. I am an important person, and I tell myself so often.

Scorpio:

I am quietly waiting for new moments to try out my newfound knowledge. I’ve been watching and observing, but now it is my time to act. I take the reins of my destiny, and I do not apologize to the previous carriage driver. I know the power of an apology, which is why I know when one is owed or not. I do not need to struggle with power games that play in the psychopomp of the collective, and am my own sovereign spiritual space. I trust that my future is held in love & beauty and is supported by the generations of ancestors present on all planes. I am using this dark moon to get in touch with my essence and knowledge of my true self. 

Sagittarius:

This New Moon I am shedding responsibilities that have become recognizably not-mine. With this awareness has come the revelation of what is mine to control, and what is mine to let go. I accept the blessings of my responsibilities as the reason I am able to hold space for myself in my own life. I do not allow others to speak on my behalf, and use my voice to set the story straight. I use my energy for higher purposes and don’t have space this lunation to be dragged into any conflicts. I use my arrow to draw solid lines in the sand about which energetics I’m willing to play with. I promise myself to treat myself with compassion daily, especially as I outgrow scenarios and scenes that just ain’t me.

Capricorn:

I’m learning how to define karma for myself, and this New Moon is giving me a lot to think about. I understand that if I wish to heal, I must practice kindness towards myself. When I notice the mean monsters arrive in the darkness of night, I use my practical wisdom to ward them off. I’m noticing that fear doesn’t have as much power as I once imagined, and I’ve been slaying small demons like candycrush. This lunation I allow a space for the internal/external conflicts to find a cease-fire, and I find myself enjoying new mental quiet. I’m learning to trust the process of letting go, and this small cycle feels like the period at the end of a sentence.

Aquarius:

The labyrinths of my inner circuit board are asking me if I’ve tried turning it off and turning it back on again. When I consider my own off/on switch, I contemplate who I give access to it. When my triggers are alarming, I respect myself enough to take the time to respond carefully to my own messages. I acknowledge the wiring of the ancient ones, and use the ancient technology of this Moon to allow my power centers to upgrade. My dreamtime is especially sacred to me in these moments, and I use this lunation to discern important inner truths. I do not need to fear when I have premonitions, but instead, refocus that awareness on trusting my own intuition first and foremost. 

Pisces:

This New Moon I let out a deep sigh of relief. In the feelings of stuckness and frustration, I’ve discovered hidden patterns of life. As I discover which patterns benefit me the most, I learn to recalibrate my channels to an easier stream. This work opens me to timelines I may not have previously considered when vision-boarding and manifesting dreams. I thank the spiritual abbacus for working out ancient calculations this New Moon. I give gratitude when my supplies are distributed exactly how, where, and when they will make the greatest impact for my ultimate visionings.