#The one strand in the front all relaxed and chilling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

probably-writing-x · 6 months

Text

Fault (Part Three)

“She’s gone. She’s fucking gone,” Conrad drags both hands through his hair, tugging on the strands to release any ounce of his frustrations.

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Steven frowns, watching Conrad’s movements as he paces the room.

“I mean she left, Steven,” He snaps, “Her stuff’s gone, her suitcase isn’t in Belly’s room, her keys are gone. It’s all fucking gone.”

“Okay, okay, what do we do about it?” Steven persists, “What can we do?”

“I don’t know,” Conrad shakes his head, “What the fuck is happening, Steven?”

Steven watches his normally stoic friend crumble just a little in front of him, his eyes filling with tears he won’t let fall.

“We should be happy, you know?” Conrad half-laughs, “We should be fucking happy.”

“I know,” Steven sighs, “How Jere and my sister are being is really shitty, I get it. But you can’t let that ruin things with you and (Y/n). It’s not worth it.”

Conrad falls silent, running a hand over his face.

“Get your car, go and find her, okay?” Steven says, “You need to go.”

Something switches in Conrad at the words and he nods, eyes scanning the room to find his car keys. He grabs them and stuffs them into his pocket, checking his phone to make sure there still wasn’t any text from you. He doesn’t say another word, hurrying past Steven and down the stairs.

At the base of the staircase, his brother stands, knocking into Conrad at the exact moment that he comes flying down.

“Conrad-“ Jeremiah begins, watching as Conrad reaches for the front door.

He stops in his tracks and turns around, glancing at his younger brother, “This was never about you Jere. And until you realise that, I have nothing to say to you.”

The door slams behind him and he’s hit with the harsh chill of the breeze sweeping across the driveway. It seems oddly empty without your car parked up on the far side but he fuels himself with every emotion coursing through him, his car driving away from the house before it feels like he’s taken a breath.

———

The roads are too empty as he drives, knowing there are only a single pair of headlights he’s hoping to see. He gets out of Cousins, just down the road that would take him towards the highway. And then the realisation hits. There was only one place you’d go before jumping the gun to drive home.

He indicates and turns into the gas station, parking up in front of the small storefront. Your car is parked up in the bay beside his and he feels his chest ease, pressing the heel of his hand against his heart until he notices himself relax.

It’s relatively empty inside apart from someone talking to the person working at the counter. And just above one of the short aisles, he spots the back of your head, tilted down as you’re browsing, completely oblivious to him. He walks over until he’s stood directly beside you, both of you in silence.

You’ve got two bags of crisps in your hands, trying to decide between the two, “Which one do I pick?”

Conrad stands so close beside you that his arm bumps against yours, igniting the tiniest bit of comfort back into him, “Those ones.”

He points down at one of the packets and you decide to take his word, setting down the other back onto the shelf before you turn to face him.

“Hi,” He says softly, looking down at you.

You look up, “How did you know I was here?”

“You never drive home without stopping first.”

You smile briefly, the warmth holding you for a moment, before the reality returns, “I can’t go back there Conrad.”

He watches the way your bottom lip trembles at the words and reaches out to hold you, his eyes searching until yours met his, “We don’t have to.”

You lean forward and rest your head on his chest, feeling the tension inside of you evaporate at his touch.

“Let’s go, come on,” He stretches out a hand, palm up waiting for your own.

Without a second thought, you lace your fingers with his. He walks the pair of you to the register - stopping on the way to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste. You stop at your car on the way over and he takes your bag out of the trunk, taking it over to his own car and tossing it onto the back seats. You climb into the passenger seat and he sets a hand on your thigh when he isn’t changing gears.

It isn’t more than a couple of minutes before you reach your destination, the motel just down the street from the gas station. It was always at least half-empty and the sign at the front flickered every few seconds, buzzing in its illumination.

You pay up at the reception and the lady gives you a key to a room on the far end, Room 23. There’s a lantern above the doorframe and the numbers on the wooden door are painted pale blue, though it seems to have faded and chipped in it’s weathering. Conrad unlocks the door and both of you step inside. It’s a small room, made seemingly smaller by the dark burgundy walls that seem to draw the space inwards. The floors are wooden and the room is cold, even in the summer weather. There’s a double bed against the left wall, and a small table and chairs next to the window at the front of the room, a desk and small standing closet against the wall on the right, a bathroom at the far end where the door is slightly ajar.

“Well, this is luxury,” Conrad comments, closing the door behind the pair of you.

He walks around the room as if inspecting it, glancing into the bathroom. You walk over to the bed and sit down on the edge, your hands in your lap. Conrad turns around and his features soften, walking slowly over to you. He crouches down in front of you and holds your hands in his.

“We’re going to figure it out, okay?” He says softly, taking a deep breath as if encouraging you to breathe with him.

“They’re just so sure this is going to fail,” You whisper, “The way they spoke about you Con it’s like… it’s like they’re just expecting you to fuck up everything.”

“Okay,” Conrad nods, “And do you believe them?”

“No, God, I know it’s not true I just-“

“Okay,” He repeats, so softly, “That’s all I need.”

You let out a little laugh, “That’s it? Conrad what about them-“

“I’m not thinking about them,” He stands up slowly and you tilt your head up to look at him, his hands cupping either side of your face, “I’m thinking about you.”

Your stomach gives you the same butterflies it had when you’d first kissed Conrad, when he’d first held you in his arms and made you feel so sure that he was all you needed.

He leans down until his nose bumps yours, nudging you as if he wanted to see any glimpse of assurance in you. When your lips curl into a smile. he kisses them as if to seal it there.

“That’s my girl,” He mumbles as he pulls away from your lips.

You hum in agreement, reaching your hands up to grab at the shoulders of his shirt, pulling him down onto the top of you as you fall back onto the mattress, “Say that again.”

———

You wake up the following morning wrapped in Conrad’s arms, a welcome contrast from the cold of the room. He’s asleep beside you, his arm underneath you wrapped around your back as your head rests on his chest. You trail your fingers up his skin, towards his jaw where you lean up and press a kiss.

He groans as he awakes, tensing underneath you before relaxing into your touch.

“Good morning,” You hum, snuggling into him closer.

He grumbles something close to a response and tightens his arm around you.

“Did you sleep okay?” You ask him, drawing swirls around his chest.

Conrad hums, “It’s fucking freezing in here.”

You giggle, “Yeah the air con is definitely broken. And that window doesn’t shut properly.”

“I promise our next night away will be a little more romantic than this,” Conrad blinks his eyes awake and looks down at you, tucking an arm under his head to watch you from a better angle.

“I don’t know, I’d say it was pretty romantic,” You turn over and lean up onto your elbows, smiling at him.

He reaches a hand over and brushes the hair away from your face, his hands stopping on your neck, where a mark from the night before was darkening into a blotchy purple just beneath your jaw, “Oh god I’m sorry.”

You giggle, “Nothing that concealer won’t cover.”

Conrad smiles, “You know, I have a present for you.”

You raise your brows, “A present?”

He hums, “It’s in the pocket of my jacket, I was going to give it to you last night but it didn’t feel like the time.”

“Can I get it?” You grin, already stretching up from him as if you were about to dart from the bed.

He nods and you jump up, hurrying over to the other side of the room to get his jacket. You were dressed in his t-shirt from the night before and nothing else, it hung just around your thighs and he watches as you bend down to pick up his jacket from the chair. He’s sure, in that moment, he falls in love all over again. He watches you like you’re simply angelic. Like in the darkest moments of his life, it would still be possible for you to brighten it. He could hold you in his arms and convince himself that it would be forever. And he knows, despite every ounce of reluctance to be vulnerable he’s had before, he would do what he could to fight for you.

You pull out the small velvet pouch from his pocket and smile widely, brushing your thumb over the soft material. When you turn around, Conrad is laying with his arm folded under his head, the sheets hanging low over his waist and the skin of his chest golden in the dim morning light. He’s smiling at you lazily, softly. And you’re sure he could be everything you ever needed. That, when the younger version of yourself thought of her knight in shining armour, it was him you were thinking of. Someone just as loving, as thoughtful, as honest, as handsome. All the small somethings that could make up everything. Your heart swells and you feel yourself fall in love all over again - hoping for the same feeling every day.

“Okay can I open it now?” You ask excitedly, perching yourself on the edge of the bed beside him.

He nods, shifting himself back in the bed so that he sits back against the headboard.

You pull open the strings and look inside the small bag, pulling out a thin gold chain - one decorated with a small pendant engraved with the curve of the letter ‘C’.

“Con-“ You begin softly, feeling the lump form in your throat.

“You don’t have to say you like it if you don’t and you can always not we-“

“I love it.”

You watch him visibly relax, the worry releasing into a bright smile, “Here.”

He takes it from you and you turn around, pulling your hair to the side so that he can fix the chain around the back of your neck. His fingers brush gently over the skin and he presses a soft kiss there before you turn back to face him.

His initial sits perfectly over your chest, over the material of his t-shirt. His.

“I know it might feel early to say it, but I think I’d be stupid not to,” Conrad lets out a laugh, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” You say the words so quickly after him that it’s as if they fit seamlessly together.

He grins widely, pulling you into him.

All you’d ever need.

———

You both shower and get changed - Conrad borrowing back the one t-shirt of his you’d packed in with your things. It’s only then that you check your phone.

Laurel: Just let us know that you’re safe

Susannah: Is Conrad with you honey? I don’t want you to be on your own

You type back a response to Laurel and send it over, telling her that you were okay and that you were sorry. You reply to Susannah telling her Conrad had found you last night. They both reply almost instantly with their evident relief.

There was another notification that a message had come through from Belly but it had been deleted before you got a chance to read it.

“Ready to go darling?” You glance up and Conrad is stood in the doorway of the bathroom, running a hand through his hair.

“Your Mom and Laurel were asking after us,” You mention, picking your bag up from the bed beside you.

“Yeah?” Conrad walks over and takes the bag from your hand without a second thought, “What did you tell them?”

“That we were together and we were both okay,” You reply, following him out of the room.

“Does that mean we don’t have to go back now?” He jokes, glancing back to wait for you, reaching out a hand for you to take.

“Yeah, lets just never go back, we’ve already said we could,” You smile, ducking under his arm so that he can wrap it around your shoulders.

You interlock your fingers with his arm around you, brushing your thumb over the soft skin. Conrad hums in agreement and pulls you into him a little, kissing the top of your head quickly.

As the two of you steer towards the car, you both stop in your tracks.

Jeremiah’s truck, parked two spots down from Conrad’s - Belly, Jeremiah and Steven stood leaning against the hood. They all stand up straighter when they see you.

“What are you doing here?” Conrad speaks harshly, coldly.

“Conrad,” Jeremiah responds as is he’s instantly hoping it will calm the situation down, “We wanted to speak to you. To both of you.”

“You’re not starting this again, okay? I’m not having you argue with us until we-“

“We’re not here to argue with you,” Steven interjects, glancing at the two beside him, “We just wanted to sort things out.”

You glance over at Belly and your hand slips down from Conrad’s, yours falling down at your side. She looks at you and her brows furrow as if with sympathy, offering you a small smile that you somewhat return. Conrad’s arm moves away from your shoulders but his fingers bump yours as soon as they’re at his side, as if reminding you he was still there. You see Belly swallow the lump in her throat.

“Well, talk,” Conrad shrugs, “I didn’t pay for a late checkout so can we hurry this shit along.”

“We were in the wrong last night,” Jeremiah begins, glancing between the two of you, “We didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did. (Y/N) we were just looking out for you, and we were looking at this all wrong. Conrad clearly cares about you, and we were wrong for thinking that it was anything less than that.”

Conrad is unmoving, like he’s happy to completely ignore what’s being said.

“If you two want to be together, that’s not our place to get involved. We should be happy for you,” Jeremiah glances at you, “And we are.”

“Okay,” Conrad shrugs, “And you?”

His attention turns to Belly.

“I mean, Jere can say we all he wants but what do you want to say?” He persists, “(Y/N)’s meant to be your best friend Belly, did you forget that?”

Part of you almost expects yourself to stop him - like you should be telling him it was too far, or you didn’t want to upset her, or you didn’t want to make things worse. But he was right. And it needed to be said, when you felt like you couldn’t say it yourself.

“I’m sorry,” Belly’s voice cracks over the words and the loyalist in your heart reaches out for her, “I never meant for it to get like this. I never- I never knew how you felt about Conrad, and I hate myself for not realising it sooner, and for not letting you feel like you could tell me how you felt. But it won’t be like that now, I promise. I don’t want you to have to hide anything from us any more.”

You feel a tension in your chest settle and your shoulders relax, Conrad’s hand brushing yours again with how close the two of you stood together.

“Thank you,” You half-whisper, offering her your most sincere smile.

“Alright,” Steven clasps his hands together, “We good?”

You look at Belly and for the first time in days feel like you’re actually looking at your best friend, “We’re good.”

“Okay let’s get out of here, please,” Steven encourages, clasping Jere and Belly on the shoulders either side of him, “We’ll see you guys at home?”

“Yeah, we’ll be right behind you,” Conrad nods, watching as the three of them turn around to pile into the car.

They drive off to leave the two of you stood in your own company once again. Conrad turns to you and you can see the tension still caught between his features.

“Are you happy?” He says softly, his hand reaching out to squeeze yours.

You nod, “I am.”

He relaxes almost instantly, like he needed any confirmation from you before he could react. His fingertips reach out to you, brushing over the necklace on your chest, his thumb pressing the C pendant.

“Ready to go home?”

You nod again.

He wraps an arm around you and picks up your bag from the floor, squeezing you tightly.

———

The house feels lighter when you return, like it’s flooded with relief. You’d stopped on the way to pick up your car from the gas station, driven the rest of the way following behind Conrad - who had made sure you were in his rear view mirrors for the whole way home.

You both step into the house to the smell of baking and sweetness and some level of mayhem.

“What’s going on?” You frown, walking through to the kitchen.

“We thought we’d make muffins,” Belly smiles, “Although we were hoping they’d be done by the time you got home.”

You laugh, “Yeah, sorry, maybe I should’ve driven a bit slower.”

Belly laughs, “It’s our fault. Steven refused to help and Jeremiah can’t follow instructions.”

“I wouldn’t trust them to do it anyway,” You reply, “Belly baking has always been the best.”

Conrad walks through after you and he stops quickly, “Sorry, I’m not interrupting am I?”

You go to respond but the words catch on your tongue.

“Of course not!” Belly beams, “Just waiting for the muffins to bake.”

Conrad nods, “As long as they’re better than the ones you made at Christmas.”

“That was one bad batch!” Belly exclaims, waving the spatula in his direction.

He raises his hands in defence, “I said what I said.”

They both laugh and for a moment you feel like you need to capture it, like it was a bit of normalcy you’d been missing for far too long. Conrad glances at you and smiles and you smile too, both sharing in the relief.

“These will be ready in five, the boys are out by the pool if you want to join us out there,” Belly offers.

You nod, “Yeah, sure, let me just get changed.”

You walk out and Conrad follows after you, taking your bag up the stairs behind you. When the two of you reach the top, you both stop in your tracks.

“Am I supposed to stay with you or with Belly?”

Conrad laughs, “You’re not supposed to do anything, it’s up to you.”

“But will she be mad at me if I don’t stay with her? Or is it weird if I don’t stay with the guy I’m seeing?” You drag a hand through your hair.

He shakes his head, smiling at you, “(Y/n) don’t overthink it. It’s just a bed to stay in.”

You nod, Conrad spoke to calmly and softly when he spoke to you that it made you certain that you could believe him, every single time.

“Not to skew your decision or anything but I would obviously prefer if you stayed with me.”

You roll your eyes, “Of course you would Con.”

You step past him in the direction of your room and he follows after you, hand reaching out to grab your waist. You giggle as the two of you stumble into the comfort of his room and he closes the door behind you.

“So, I’ve either got navy, or this blue one, or red,” You hold up three bikinis in your hand and Conrad raises his brows, “Which one?”

He furrows his brows as if he’s deciding before he says, “Blue.”

“Blue it is,” You return, turning around so that you can start getting changed.

Conrad flops down onto the bed and leans onto his elbows, watching you.

“Stop staring,” You turn around and narrow your eyes at him, “Can you tie this at the back for me?”

You walk backwards until you’re at the bed and he sits up straighter so that he can tie the elasticated strings at the back of your neck, his fingers delicate over your skin. When he’s done, he runs his hands over your shoulders, leaning in so he can press a kiss to your back.

You turn around in his arms and look down at where he sits, running your hands through his hair, “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

He hums in agreement and flutters his eyes closed at your touch, like he wants to lean up into it.

“Keep it in your pants, Fisher,” You grin, grabbing your towel, phone and book from the side and heading back out of the room.

When you get back downstairs, Belly is just taking the muffins out of the oven, and she turns around to catch your eyeline as she sets them down on the counter.

“Ooh they look good,” You smile, “And they smell good too.”

She grins up at you but her expression falters for just a second, her smile returning a moment later. Though, it had disappeared for just long enough for you to notice the light slip from her eyes momentarily.

“Did Conrad get you that?” She gestures towards your pendant.

Your hand flies to the necklace as if you’d forgotten it was there, brushing over the gold, “Oh, um, yeah, he gave it to me this morning.”

“It’s beautiful,” She says softly, “I’m surprised he can be so romantic.”

You laugh a little, trying to force the awkwardness from your lungs, “Yeah I was surprised too.”

“I don’t want you to-“ Belly shakes her head, “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me things. Like, I want you to feel like we can still talk about boyfriend stuff, you know? I mean, if you want to.”

You nod, “Come on, if I can’t talk to you about it I can’t talk to anyone.”

She laughs, looking down to start pulling the muffins from their tray, “So Cameron swiped up on my story a couple of days ago.”

“What?” You gasp, “Cam Cameron?!”

She laughs and her eyes crease in the way they do when they’re at their brightest, “Yeah it’s weird right? I don’t really know what he’s thinking is going to happen but-“

“Oh come on, the boy was head over heels for you,” You scoff, “I think I know exactly what he’s thinking.”

She laughs again and both of you settle into silence, smiling at each other like you hadn’t seen each other in forever.

“Why don’t you give him a second chance? He was sweet.”

Her eyes drift outside to where Jeremiah is laying across one of the loungers, “Yeah, maybe.”

“Jere?!” You exclaim, eyes wide, “Wh-“

You’re stopped as Conrad walks into the room, dressed only in a pair of swim shorts, “What about him?”

You glance at him and your lips part as if you’re about to speak but you stop yourself, “None of your business Fisher.”

He raises his hands in defence and steps past you, squeezing your hip as he goes behind you, “Forget I asked.”

You glance back to Belly and she mouths a silent thank you.

“You coming?” Conrad looks back at you before he steps outside.

You nod, “Yeah,” Turning back to Belly, you say, “This conversation isn’t done, okay? We have a lot to talk about.”

She giggles and nods, a flurrying blush on her cheeks, “Okay, okay.”

“What was that about?” Conrad asks you as the two of you step outside, him following close behind you.

“I’m not telling you,” You shake your head, “Girl code, Conrad, you wouldn’t understand.”

“You know things were easier when you two weren’t friends,” He points out, jokingly, and you jab him in the side as a ‘don’t even mention it’.

You walk over to the other two boys and set your things down on the lounger next to Jeremiah, watching as he opens his eyes at the sound of you near him.

“Hey,” He says, leaning up onto his elbows, “We were waiting for you so we could start a volleyball game, do you want to play?”

“Of course I do,” You grin, “Come on Con.”

You look back at him as he flops down onto the lounger the other side of you, closing his eyes.

“Are you shutting down?”

He hums in agreement, his eyes still softly closed.

“Alright Jere, me and you against Belly and Steven,” You encourage, “Who needs Conrad?”

He squints his eyes open and cocks a brow at you, “Excuse me?”

You grin and hurry off to the pool where Jeremiah and Steven have both jumped in, both of them yelling over to Belly to join them too. Conrad leans up onto his elbows and watches you as you push yourself off from the side and into the water, swimming over to Jeremiah’s side. He smiles, thankful for the moments of normalcy amongst a hectic few days. You were back with your friends, the people that had brought you and Conrad together in the first place. And it was a relief that you weren’t losing them anymore. His eyes drift to Jeremiah as the two of you pass the ball between each other and he wonders for a moment what is going through his brother’s head. Did he still have feelings for you? Had they already gone away?

But then Conrad looks at you again and you’re throwing your head back laughing at something Steven had said. And he knows then he has nothing to ever be afraid of. Whoever it was, whatever feelings were there, it was his initial still around your neck, his heart you’d go back to. And the jealousy he thought he’d always have just seems to disappear. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be.

You’re in the water with the others for a while, you and Jere winning the first game, Belly and Steven winning the next, and you and Jere taking victory on the last one. After an over-the-top celebration just to really force your win, you climb out of the water and walk over to Conrad, where he’s laying with his attention tucked into the pages of your book, eyes scanning the words of the page.

When you’re stood over him, blocking the sun, he glances up.

“Did you win?” He asks, setting the book down beside him, double checking that he hadn’t lost your page.

“You weren’t watching?” You gasp, “I should be offended.”

“I saw the first game, but you keep talking about this book and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about,” He comments, sitting up a little on the lounger so that you can sit down on the edge beside him.

“It’s good right?” You grin, “I knew you’d like it.”

“I’ll read it when you’re done,” He says, hiding the hints of a smile.

“We can just read it together,” You encourage, “I’m not far into it.”

“Alright enough of the couples shit, you coming?” Steven climbs out of the pool and the other two follow after him.

“Yeah, we’ll be there now,” You nod, standing back up.

“We’ll be where?” Conrad frowns.

“Lunch!”

You outstretch a hand for him to take and he groans, stepping off of the lounger to follow you with his hand locked in yours.

———

After a full day at the pool, Jeremiah suggests that you all have a movie night and order a takeaway, since Laurel and Susannah were out tonight. You oblige and they settle on ordering pizza. Steven had found a case of beer left over from the party and you were all in the kitchen waiting for the door to ring to tell you the pizza was here.

“I just think you can’t go wrong with a cheesy pizza you know?” Jeremiah shrugs, taking a sip from the beer bottle in his hand.

“But that’s just boring, it’s not a pizza without toppings!” Steven exclaims, stood on the adjacent side of the island to Jeremiah.

Belly was stood next to the younger Fisher brother and you’d made a point of widening your eyes at her when she had. She’d blushed and looked away from you.

“Of course it’s still a pizza!” Belly retorts, “You’re just weird.”

“Is Steven going on his pizza rant again?” Conrad comments, walking through into the kitchen.

“I just think-“

The doorbell rings to cut him off and Jeremiah hurries over to answer the door. Belly mentions that she’ll set up the movie and Steven follows her with the crate of beer.

“You okay babe?” You ask Conrad, turning around to him.

He puts his hands on either side of his hips and takes a slow step towards you, his hair falling over his forehead and making him look even more youthful.

“So, I love seeing you back with these guys, and it’s obviously a lot better that they don’t hate us anymore,” He speaks slowly, “But I-“

“You want it to be just us two?”

He smiles a little, “I feel like I haven’t seen you all day, I miss you.”

You chuckle, “You miss me?”

“I think I’ve got too used to it being just us,” He laughs a little, placing his hands onto your waist, “Can we go back to that?”

“Okay, we eat pizza, we watch whatever film Belly chooses, and then we go to bed,” You suggest, “We can watch a film together, read that book, whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” He cocks a brow.

“Keep it in your pants!” You gasp, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you into the lounge.

He chuckles and follows in after you, his hand not leaving yours.

“Okay, okay, make room for the couple,” Steven grins at the two of you, shuffling over on the couch so that there’s room for you two to sit together.

You flop down onto the elongated side of the couch, legs stretched over the leg rest as Conrad grabs a plate and piles a few slices on.

He drops down beside you and you prop yourself up beside him as he holds the plate out for you.

Belly starts the film and Jere flicks off the light, the two of them taking places on the other end of the couch.

You pause for a moment and breathe it all in. Conrad beside you, all of your other favorite people to keep you company too. It was what you wanted. The simplicity of it all. And it really feels like this could work. You’re sure of it then more than ever.

———

You’re not sure what time it is when your eyes blink open. The TV is turned onto standby, the pizza boxes cleared from the table, the lights in the room reduced to a single lamp next to the couch. Conrad is beneath you, his arm wrapped around your torso, your head resting on his chest, legs tangled together.

“Con,” You whisper, leaning up onto your elbow to look down at him.

His eyes are closed and you bring up your hand to brush over the hair falling over his forehead. He hums at the contact, his nose scrunching softly as he wakes.

“I think we fell asleep,” You say quietly, trailing your fingers down his cheek.

He frowns a little and glances around the empty room, shifting his other arm to wrap around your waist and pull you over the top of him. You giggle and rest your legs on either side of him, your hands settling on his chest.

“So are you happier now?” Conrad asks, his hands strong on your waist, his words still laced a little with fatigue.

You nod your head in the dim room, smiling down at him, “Everything felt normal today.”

Conrad smiles back, “How about a date tomorrow night? We’ll go somewhere nice, just us two.”

You grin, “Somewhere nice? Like back to the motel?”

He chuckles deeply and you feel it rumble in his chest, “No, nicer than the motel.”

You hum and dip your head down to press a kiss to his jaw, “I don’t know, I kind of liked it, especially last night.”

He tightens his grip on your waist, “Well, we’re the only ones here…”

—

Taglist: @parkerdayaa @maybankslover @sobergirl92 @elcpsstuff @amazonabxtch @jackierose902109 @drewsandsebastianswife @enamoredwithbella @stylesxroyalty @maniac-penguin @laylasbunbunny

252 notes · View notes

missnancywritesfanfic · 8 months

Text

Music Festival Ft. Anemo Boys

Characters: Venti, Xiao, Kazuha, Heizou, Wanderer(Scaramouche), Aether

Contains: Modern AU, extreme fluff, drug use(kazuha), suggestive(wanderer)

A/N: I'm glad the first was so well recieved, good news I have another! Enjoy 💗

VENTI - Somehow Got On Stage

At first, you thought you'd lost him in the middle of a mosh pit. You're turned around more times than you could count and trying to find his vibrant aqua braids in a sea of neon is hard. This is until you hear the speakers boom.

"Hellooooo Mondstadt!"

Your attention is pulled back to the stage where you see him, front and centre with the mic in his hand. Your jaw drops at the sight.

Even from this distance, you can see his cheeks are flushed. He's clearly drunk. How did he get on stage? How was he allowed on the stage??

"This song's dedicated to the love of my life!" Venti points down to the mosh you're wrapped in, you swear his eyes lock with yours. "I love you, baby!"

Your face flushes, your heart flutters. It's not just the heat of the crowd effecting your anymore. Tears spring from your eyes as you yell back with a huge grin.

"I love you too!"

XIAO - Chilling On The Beach

You both sit on the sand, letting the waves touch your feet. You lean against his shoulder, silently playing a conch shell you found earlier.

You'd agreed to join your friends at this concert but unfortunately, it was rather overstimulating for Xiao so you decided to bring him on a walk.

The concert is still in full swing a ways from you. The cheering of the crowd and the live music echoes on for what felt like forever.

You look back to Xiao who's focus is glued to the ocean waves. It's a rare sight to see him so tranquil. You swear you can see the faintest smile on his lips as he plays with the sensation of sand between his toes.

His focus breaks when you silently hand him the conch, and gesture for him to hold it to his ear.

He does so, confused at first, but then his eyes go wide at the music he hears inside. His cheeks are dusted pink, bewildered at the sound, but his eyes glow a little more.

You gave him sounds of the sea to help drown out the screams of the crowd.

KAZUHA - Getting High With Strangers

Gatherings like this are nothing new to him, he finds it to be the best way to relax and connect with others. And you decide to join him.

Whether you yourself get high or not, you both sit around a bonfire with a bunch of people you'd just met from all walks of life. Party animals, first timers, 9-to-5 workers getting their first day off in forever.

And you two, the young lovers, cuddled up against one another as the sun's setting and the concert is mellowing out.

Kazuha keeps an arm wrapped around you, to shield you from the cold and partially to keep himself grounded. The entire time he listened to the shared conversation buzzing from one topic to another.

But he can't help focusing on the warmth you emanate. Maybe it was wrong to assume you needed protection from the cold night, when you produce enough heat for the both of you.

"Kazuha?"

He hums and opens his eyes, not realizing he's dosing off and leans his head on yours. You chuckle softly and brush a strand of hair from his face.

"I was just telling them about the poetry nights."

"Ah, yes, a wonderful event. My little bird creates such beautiful haikus."

Your face flushes at his praise.

"I meant your own poems, babe..."

HEIZOU - Slow Dancing With You

He can't help himself. Especially when it's you.

You just look so beautiful he has to hold you and sway to the music playing. And you melt right into his hold and let him guide your moves.

You remember this song. It was playing when you two went on your first date. Not quite the same atmosphere, definitely a unique first encounter, but thinking back makes you happy you stuck by him.

After a tough case, you offered your company and took him out for fast food and light chat. It was nothing special. You just wanted to see him smile, even if it were for a short time.

There was a car nearby with its windows rolled down, and the radio was blasting, at the height of summertime. You remember clearly the chipper tone you carried.

"Aaah, I love this song~"

Heizou turns you around so he can lie his head in the crook of your neck. You happily placed your arms around him and press a kiss into his hair.

You jump at the butterfly kisses he starts leaving on your neck.

"Heizou, there are people around us..!"

He snickers and keeps decorating your skin with kisses.

WANDERER - Making Out In The Car

Your favorite song is playing, and you're blindly searching for your phone that's buzzing on the car floor. But you nearly miss it while locking lips with your (very greedy) partner. You finally manage to catch your breath and pick it up, weakly hitting his shoulder, hoping he'll slow down on kissing your neck.

Your friends are calling, but before you can answer he takes the phone from you.

"Ah-" You whine and try to steal it back. You can barely concentrate with his hands feeling you up underneath your shirt. "Th-They're calling, I need to-" You wince as he sucks along your collarbone.

"They can wait."

He suddenly pulls you flush against his chest as he sits up, his lips still teasing your vulnerable neck. You wrap your arms around him.

"Did you want to stop?"

You shake your head and take a breath, relaxing into his touch and embracing his kisses. "Good." He turns you around and lays you down, the hand under your shirt trailing up your thigh and kindly guiding your legs to wrap around his waist.

You find yourself unable to breath again. He presses his forehead to yours, looking you in the eyes. You swear he can hear your heartbeat right now.

"Now quit your yapping and let me work."

AETHER - Checking Out Food Booths

Over seasoned meat. Fried rice. Hot dogs. Burgers. Alcohol. Soda. Ice cream. Squid. Pita pockets.

If there's one thing that Aether and Paimon are excited for outside of seeing their friends performing at this festival, it's all the food booths that'd be set up for the attendees.

He takes your hand and brings you to every single booth, he insists that you try at least one of each dish offered.

This was also the first time you'd have the opportunity to meet a bunch of his acquaintances from his travels. Unlike Aether, who had work that took him world wide, you stayed local.

Watching your boyfriend interact with so many people, and see him speak a multitude of languages on the fly is definitely a sight to behold.

You'd be lying if you said your heart didn't flutter at the sight. Just when you think he couldn't get anymore attractive.

"Hey (Name), check it out!"

You blink. He suddenly appears in front of you holding three tri-color dango sticks and a huge grin on his face.

"On the house, just for us~"

You giggle and happily take one from him. You plant a kiss on his lips as thanks.

Bless his heart. He's too cute sometimes.

193 notes · View notes

whatitshouldvebeen · 2 months

Note

Hiii! I have been reading your stories RELIGIOUSLY... This is my first time making a request so please bare with me. Could you do something where the reader disobeys johnny and he punishes her in a bdsm way but johnny has his own kinda ideas PLEASE 🙏 I hope this make sense 😅😅

Pain in the Ass

Description: You didn't do your housework, and Johnny isn't pleased (MINORS DNI)

Warnings: blood, bruising, painal

Word count: 1,313

The creak of Johnny's shack door jolts you upright from the couch.

Fuck!!

The house is still a mess, your ‘quick nap’ had somehow devolved into five hours. Johnny's displeasure is clear as he stands in the doorway, his gaze darkening.

"Darlin'," he drawls, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "I thought I told you to clean all this shit up."

His voice is low and dangerous, causing you to shrink against the couch.

"Sorry, Johnny, I just... I fell asleep-"

"I can see that. I work all day to put meat on the table, and you greet me with this mess," he chides, his heavy boots signaling his approach. Your heart is beating erratically, and when his footsteps pause in front of you, you flinch.

“You'd been behaving so well, I thought we might go out tonight. But looks like you need a reminder,” he grabs your hair, yanking it back so that you're forced to meet his gaze, “of your responsibilities.”

As he snarls as he leans in close, cold dread courses through you.

“I know my responsibilities, I swear! I just fell asleep ‘s all,'' you whine, but Johnny isn't moved. He never is.

“You're a lazy little brat,” he snarls. “Only good for one thing.”

The cold dread that had pooled in your stomach starts to heat, and drops even lower. Greased strands of his dark hair hang over his forehead as you look into his eyes. Your throat runs dry, and you swallow hard.

A half-cocked grin spreads across his face. “I ain't gonna be gentle, sugar. You've fucked up one too many times.”

His hand in your hair pulls you up painfully before flinging you onto the ground. The floor is gritty and sticky from spilled alcohol and dirt from where Johnny had come home yesterday, belligerent and drunk after having to do work around the house for Nancy. You had stayed up into the early morning, exhausting yourself in an attempt to soothe him, and now you're bearing the consequences.

Johnny presses a knee against your back, holding you down. You whimper as he unsheathes his bowie knife and drags a chilling path between your shoulder blades.

“I'll make sure you can't forget this time, you little cunt.” As he speaks, he digs the blade just beside your spine, cutting through your shirt. He slips the blade under your bra strap with practiced ease and you wince as it snaps back against you when he cuts it in half.

He flips the blade over and drags the dull end over your spine, pausing between the vertebrae of your neck.

“One cut here and you'd lose all feeling,” he says, making your heart skip a beat.

“But I don't want that,” he says, brushing your hair away from your neck and kissing it gently. “I want to know that you're feeling every last thing I do to you.”

Johnny turns around facing your rear and positions his legs on either side of your back. He yanks your shorts and panties down, throwing them onto the couch and pressing a hand against your butt, the other holding his knife over the fatty flesh of your ass.

“Gonna carve a lil’ somethin’ into your ass so if you try n’ sit down you'll remember you got work to do,” he says, sounding gleeful. “I'll let you pick, what should it be?”

You can't think clearly, your entire body is trembling, both cold from fear and hot from the lust that burns through your veins at having Johnny pressed up against your naked body like this.

“Ah, I know somethin’ that'll get you off your lazy ass,” he says. You tense, expecting to feel the blade ripping into your flesh, but instead you feel Johnny's hot breath against your left cheek.

He plants a few kisses, and just as you're beginning to relax—he bites down. You scream, writhing, but there's no way you're getting out of this. His bite indents deep marks, and blood pools around his teeth, but he doesn't let go until your screams subside into pained whimpers.

“There, now was that so bad?” He asks, standing and unbuckling his pants. You stay prone, blood dripping between your butt cheeks and a purple bruise blooming around the shape of his teeth.

You look up in time to see him remove his painfully hard cock from his pants. Your blood is still all over his hands, and he brings his fingers to his lips, sucking you off him with a wry grin.

The hunger in his eyes makes you want to melt into the floorboards. No human was meant to take the level of torment that you do, and yet still you find yourself loving every second of it. Johnny owns you and you can't deny it, especially not while his teeth mar your flesh.

“Can't resist when you're all pretty like this,” he says, kneeling with a knee on either side of your legs. You feel him slide his cock in the pool of blood between your ass cheeks, humming in approval.

Then, he pulls your cheeks apart, causing a new wave of pain to rip through your bite mark; but it's nothing compared to the fire that burns as he forces his rock hard cock into your tight ass, with only your own blood for lube.

Cold sweat breaks out all over your body, and your moans of pain only spur him on more. Johnny grips the back of your neck in one hand and squeezes the bite mark harshly with the other, causing more hot blood to coat his hand. He then wraps his bloody hand around your midsection and pulls you up against his firm torso, and you feel blood smear against your flesh as he brings your neck to his lips.

In this position, his cock is buried so deeply inside you that you see stars. He sucks hickeys into your neck, and thrusts so harshly that you can't help but blubber out his name helplessly.

“Does it hurt, sugar?” He asks, nipping at your earlobe.

You nod, tears pouring down your cheeks.

“Good, maybe this lesson'll get through your pretty little airhead,” he says. He then gathers your wrists and holds them at the small of your back, forcing you to arch against him as he fucks you. He's so harsh that you hear him grunting as he thrusts up to meet your bruised rear.

The heat in your stomach is unbearable now, and you can't help but to cum so harshly that your voice cracks through your pained screams.

“That's right, baby, take it,” he snarls. He presses your bundled wrists against the small of your back, forcing you face first onto the ground. Your shoulders burn and your face scrapes on the floor as he hikes your ass up in the air and ruts himself so deeply inside you that when he cums you feel the whole of his cock pulsing from tip to base. He pulls out and lets you drop to the floor, your entire body bruised and sore.

He sets a boot under your chin and nudges your head up.

“I ain’t staying in a pigsty. This house better be spotless by the time I get home tomorrow,” he says, rebuckling his belt. “That clear?”

“Y-yes, Johnny,” you rasp, your voice scratchy and broken, just like the rest of you.

“Better be,” he says, wiping your blood off on his discarded shirt before tossing it at your face. The strong scent of his sweat and your blood mingle, making you feel even weaker. He removes his boot from under your chin and pulls a new shirt on, leaving the shack without a second word.

You press your cheek against his shirt, still splayed out on the floor, and breathe him in deeply.

Better get to cleaning.

#johnny slaughter #johnny sawyer #tcm game #texas chainsaw massacre game #tcm #texas chainsaw game #texas chainsaw massacre #johnny slaughter x reader #tcm smut #fanfiction

55 notes · View notes

brandogenius · 3 months

Text

happy 20th birthday to myself! here is a little gift from me ! a little thank you for enjoying my writing and the different fics / headcanonsy ive made! thank you all :D

Birthday Surprise.

‼️RPF‼️

Julien x reader

description: Julien plans something special for your birthday

word count: 1,163

Julien woke up a bit early than expected for a normal day off work. the sun was shining through the window. gold hues hitting her arms and face like liquid gold kissing her skin. the faint sound of the birds chirping outside made her relax slightly. tattooed arms wrapped around your frame. one hand in your hair, twirling small strands of your hair around her fingers and the other wrapped around your waist.

moments like these were what julien loved the best. being able to lay here in a comfortable silence at the early morning with you, she wouldn’t trade it for the world.

today was more than a normal day off work however. it was your birthday. one year older than you were before. it was a special day in juliens eyes. she had a plan to make sure it would be the best day ever.

as much as the older wanted to stay in bed, holding onto you and twirling your hair for a little bit longer, she knew she needed to get up. step one of her plan was to make a special breakfast for you. googling recipes and pinterest inspiration the night before, saved onto her boards. julien quietly and slowly detangled herself from the mess of legs and the duvet sheet. thanking the gods you were a deep sleeper. julien placed the duvet cover up over your shoulders, placing a quick kiss to your forehead as she made her way to the bedroom door, quietly opening it just a crack and sliding out into the hallway.

soft pattering of sock covered feet creek under the wood stairs as julien makes her way down into the kitchen. shoving her hair into a ponytail, julien starts to work on preparing breakfast. nothing too extravagant but nothing too simple. freshly made pancakes with chocolate covered strawberries she made the night before.

soft music filled the air from the record player in the living room. turned down just enough to not wake you but enough for the tattooed woman to hear faintly in the kitchen.

the summer chill breezes past julien. the windows were halfways opened. the faint smell of morning dew grass filled her nose alongside the smell of the fresh flowers perched on top of the window sill. having both recently moved into a small house you both call home. decorating it to fit the aesthetic both of you loved. natural light was something julien loved in the morning.

something about a free summers morning had juliens chest filled with happiness and giddiness. knowing days like this dragged out longer. sitting out in the back garden until nine pm on a saturday night, drinking cold water and listening to the birds fly from the small birdhouse she built last summer for you. julien sitting on a chair, guitar on lap, lyric sheets and notes sprawled across the table. across from her you paint on watercolour paper with art supplies littering the small table. brushing hair behind your face, you huff. the small gusts of winds knocking some stray strands of hair over your face. julien chuckling to herself, handing you her sun glasses to place in your head.

julien shook the memory out of her head for a quick moment. focusing her attention back on the cooking batter in front of her. she wanted to make this special for you. breakfast in bed was something you normally did for julien. days when the musician would be free from a hard days work in the studio or coming back from a world tour, you wanted to treat your girlfriend to something special. julien would always be shocked. appreciating the effort you made for her, thanking you with a small kiss to the lips as you settled back into your shared bed with her. julien sipping on her coffee whilst you caught up on the latest chapter of your book.

last years birthday was a bit different. choosing to spend your birthday with julien on tour, it wasn’t as delicate and more intimidate as it is this year. hosting a small surprise birthday for you at the backstage venue the boys were playing. julien having asked lucy to bring you shopping for the day in a state you’ve never been to while phoebe and julien blow up balloons and carefully hang up banners across the dressing room walls.

it was perfect. you thought it was perfect. julien however, had higher expectations. wanting to make it perfect, wishing she could’ve done something more but you were quick to calm the spiral she was getting herself into by exclaiming it was the best thing anyone has ever done for you.

julien finished making the pancakes. quickly placing them on a plate, drilling syrup over the desserts. delicately placing the chocolate fruit on the side of the plate and placing the rest into a little bowl on the side of the tray. filling a glass of orange juice, she places a small vase of your favourite flowers onto the tray as well.

presentation may not be her strongest trait but as long as it looked pretty, she knew you’d love it as well. a small wave of nerve fill her tummy as she grabbed the tray, heading upstairs back to your shared room. what if you didn’t like it? what if it didn’t taste good? julien couldn’t help but overthink every so often. always stressed about wanting to make things perfect. you deserved the best things. not half assed things that weren’t edible.

the small spiral came to a halt. quietly walking back into the bedroom, she found you awake. propped up onto the pillow, book in hand. you turned over with a shocked expression on your face, julien standing at the doorway, small blush on her face.

“happy birthday, princess” julien grinned, making her way to the bed. you quickly put your bookmark on the page you just recently started, tossing the book aside onto juliens side of the bed. “you made this for me?” you looked over at your girlfriend with a smile. julien places the tray of food onto your lap, moving the covers as she curled into the bed beside you.

“thought you deserved something special on your birthday” juliens cold hands reached over, grabbing your chin gently as she pressed her lips against yours in a gentle kiss. you broke away from the kiss, quickly tearing off a piece of the pancake and eating it.

“thank you my love.”

all the worries and doubts julien had now disappeared in a puff of smoke. seeing you happy and content made it all worth it. the tattooed musician settled down in the bed, head laying on your shoulder as she scrolled through her phone. the sound of small laughter filled the bedroom. juliens phone sitting up on the phone as the two of you catch up on your favourite podcasts new episode.

this was definitely one of your favourite mornings so far

#pom writes #julien baker x reader #julien baker au #julien baker one shot #julien baker fanfic #julien baker fluff #boygenius au #boygenius fanfic #boygenius one shot #boygenius x reader #julien baker x fem!reader

58 notes · View notes

therealdisneyfan2319 · 2 years

Text

A Glass of Wine Part 3 | Wanda Maximoff

Summary: After a long night at Y/N’s, the two wake up still unsatisfied from the night before

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Male Reader

Warnings: SMUT (minors dni), language

Word Count: 2.2K

Masterlist

A/N: The third and final part no one asked for but I wanted because I’m trash. Enjoy 🙃

Y/N woke the next morning to Wanda’s head resting on his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around him. She snored lightly as her head moved up and down in time with his breathing. She looks absolutely peaceful after the intensity of the previous night. He smiled as he reached up to run his fingers through her hair, thinking about the way she had moaned his name as she came undone. Her hair was soft and luxurious as his fingers teased through the long strands. He’d spent many nights with beautiful women, but Wanda was different. He wanted more than just the physical relationship. He wanted to know everything about her.

Wanda inhaled deeply as she stretched her arms out. Her eyes fluttered open to see Y/N staring down at her. “Good morning,” she whispered, a smile on her lips.

“Morning,” he replied as he caressed the side of her face. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” she answered. She looked down and saw that she was still clinging to him. “Did I cling to you like this all night?” she asked, somewhat embarrassed.

“Like a koala.” Wanda groaned and buried her head in his chest. “Hey, I don’t mind,” he laughed. “I like it, it’s cute.”

She looked back up at him. “I had a really good time last night, Y/N.”

“Me too,” he replied honestly. “I can’t stop thinking about it.” He moved his hand to the back of her head. Instinctively, she used her legs to push herself up closer to him.

“Same,” she whispered.

He leaned in close, planting a soft kiss on her lips. Her hand came up to cup his cheek as they kissed. Breaking apart, Y/N rested his head against hers.

“I’ll be gentle this time,” he promised. “Is that okay?”

Wanda nodded. “Let me make you feel good,” she whispered in his ear. Her hand reached down to cup him. “You took care of me last night, let me take care of you.

Y/N pushed the covers to the foot of the bed. Wanda got up and straddled him, her pelvis sitting just above his. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she looked down at him, smiling. He reached forward to grab her hips. “You are so beautiful, you know that, right?” he told her. She laughed as she leaned down to kiss him.

The kisses were different from the ones from the previous night. Those were rough and passionate. These were soft and tender, loving even. He wrapped his arms around her as she pressed her tongue into his mouth. She moaned into his mouth as he ran his fingertips down her spine, sending chills throughout her body. Her hips rolled on his abdomen, drawing a line of her arousal up and down his stomach.

“Do you always get this wet so fast?” he joked as she kissed his neck.

“Only when I know what he can do to me,” she replied, brushing her tongue over his pulse point.

“Fuck, Wanda,” he moaned as her felt her suck on the sensitive skin. He felt her smile against his neck.

She sat up and looked down at him. “Relax, handsome. Let me make you feel good.” She slunk her way down his body, landing with her head in front of his already throbbing cock. “Do you always get so hard this fast?”

“Only when the girl’s got a good mouth,” he teased. Wanda blushed at his words. Taking him in her hand, she brushed her hair away from her face and lowered her mouth onto him.

Y/N groaned. As she took him in her mouth, he lost all sense of the outside world. Everything revolved around her and the indescribable pleasure her mouth was bringing him. As she bobbed her head up and down his shaft, the most unholy noises coming from her mouth, he reached down and wound his hands into her hair, driving her head up and down at his speed. She relaxed into his grip, letting him use her as he wanted.

“Fuck,” he moaned as she reached down to toy with his balls. “Fuck, that’s it.” He arched his back at the added stimulation. She massaged his sack with her long, svelte fingers, toying with the skin and giving the package itself a squeeze. He couldn’t help but start bucking his hips upward, driving his dick into the back of her throat. Tears filled her eyes as she gagged on his length, but she kept on with her sucking and licking and swirling.

“Wanda, I’m gonna cum,” he hissed through gritted teeth as her tongue tickled the tip. Slamming her mouth back down his length, she moved her head and hands faster, her head bobbing up and down as her cheeks hollowed. “Shit I’m cumming,” he breathed as he released down her throat. She greedily swallowed every last drop. As she sucked him dry, she released him with a pop, a single strand of saliva connecting her lips to his shaft. She brushed it away with her hand as she grinned at him.

“You good?” she asked.

Y/N covered his face with his hands. “I think you sucked out part of my soul,” he groaned. Wanda laughed as she crawled up his body to kiss him.

“Told you I’d take care of you,” she smiled down at him.

“Well, I probably should return the favor,” he thought. “Come on, I have an idea.” He patted the spot next to his head. Slightly confused, Wanda looked at him. “I want you to sit on my face.”

Wanda’s eyes widened as she realized what he was asking. She’d been eaten out before, but she’d never actually ridden someone’s face. Nervously, she climbed up and straddled his head, her pussy inches from his face. Y/N grabbed her ass and pulled her down to him. “Relax, I’ve got you. Grab the headboard, you’ll be okay.” Wanda nodded, taking a deep breath as she grabbed the headboard and lowered herself onto his mouth.

Y/N was met with Wanda’s already dripping pussy. It had only been one night, but he was already in love with her sweet taste. He used his tongue to lick her slit up and down, relishing as her arousal settled on his lips. She groaned at his movements. He slid his tongue up from her slit to her clit, already swollen with arousal. He lapped at the sensitive bud. He sucked and drew circles with his tongue as he felt her thighs start to collapse down.

“Oh my god, Y/N. Please don’t stop,” she moaned, gripping the headboard so hard her forearms were starting to burn. He smiled against her cunt as he continued to worship her clit. As he brought her closer to her orgasm, he pulled her down closer to him. She gasped as he stuck his tongue inside her, thrusting it deep within her folds. He used his hands to guide her hips, rolling them back and forth as she fucked herself on his tongue.

Wanda moaned as she rolled her hips faster against his mouth. The feeling of him tonguing her velvety walls wasn’t enough, so she reached down with one hand to circle her clit. He slapped it away, bringing his own hand from her ass to her clit to circle it for her. The stimulation was almost too much for her to bear: she grabbed his wrist and bucked her hips into his tongue.

“FUCK!” She screamed as she came, releasing her sweet juice into Y/N’s mouth. He lapped it up eagerly, wanting to get drunk on the taste of her. As she rode out her high, she collapsed onto the headboard, chest heaving. Y/N gently pushed her hips up and slid out from underneath her.

“You good?” He laughed as he wiped her slick from his lips, turning around to rub her back as she heaved into her arms.

“Is there anything you’re not good at?” she asked breathlessly.

“Skiing. I’m a terrible skier,” he joked as he gave her ass a slight smack.

“Oh shut up,” she shot back. As she felt the feeling return to her legs, she pushed herself up and turned around on her knees to face him.

“You good for one more?” he asked, reaching up to grab one of her breasts.

“Yeah, but you’ve gotta be on top. I don’t think I can move,” she admitted. He chuckled as he squeezed her breast, eliciting a moan from her lips.

“Good,” he replied. He helped guide her onto her back as she laid down. As he laid on top of her, she wrapped her arms around him to pull him flush against her. He leaned in to kiss her passionately, his lips tangling with hers as he ground his hips down. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues as they ran their hands over each other’s sweaty bodies, the only noises being the sounds of their lips and the occasional moan.

“You don’t need a condom, it’s okay. I have an IUD,” Wanda moaned as Y/N suckled her breast. “I wanna feel you cum in me.” Y/N groaned at Wanda’s confession. He released her breast and leaned back on his heels, stroking his cock as he looked at her. She spread her legs, her puffy pussy proudly on display for him.

“I’ll be gentle,” he whispered as he lined himself up with her. Using his one hand to guide himself in, he entered her with ease. She was already wet from her first orgasm.

“God I’ll never get used to how good you feel,” she said as he leaned down over her, bracing himself with his arms.

“Same,” he mumbled as he bowed his head. Her velvety walls felt like heaven as he sat in her. Slowly, he began to thrust his hips in and out. Unlike their previous session, this was tender and intimate. He looked down at her the entire time, sweat beading on his forehead. She never broke eye contact as he continued to move in and out, groaning at how good he felt inside her.

“Fuck, you feel so goddamn good,” he moaned as she started to roll her hips in time with his thrusts.

“That’s it baby, fill me up. I wanna feel your cock,” she breathed in his ear as she wrapped her arms around him to pull him down. He groaned as he felt her squeeze him.

“Oh god.” He started to thrust faster into her, his hips picking up speed.

“Faster, Y/N,” she begged. He grunted as he picked up the pace. The bed began to shake as the sound of his hips slapping hers echoed through the room.

“I’m close, I’m so close, Wanda.” He shut his eyes as he felt the pressure building inside him. He wouldn’t last much longer.

“Oh god, harder, I’m cumming!” she moaned. He snapped his hips into her, burying himself until he bottomed out in her. He felt her tighten around him as she came, groaning as she dug her nails into his back.

“I’m gonna cum,” he moaned as she squeezed his shaft.

“Cum in me, Y/N. I wanna feel you fill me up.” He lost it at her words. Burying himself in her neck, he shot his hot seed deep into her. It felt like heaven on earth. She held him tight as he came down from his high.

“Fuck. Oh fuck. I’m never gonna be able to sleep with anyone else again because you have absolutely ruined me,” he sighed. She laughed as she stroked his hair.

They laid together, the two of them coming down from their highs. He nuzzled her neck as she ran her fingers through his Y/H/C hair.

“So….about that breakfast?”

**********************************************

Natasha and Yelena were in the kitchen, drinking coffee and chatting when Wanda walked in.

“Oh my god you’re just getting back?!” Yelena shouted, her jaw halfway to the ground.

Wanda smiled weakly. “Shut up,” she said as she went to pour herself a cup of coffee.

“Told you you’d thank me,” Nat said absentmindedly as she flipped through the newspaper. “How was it?”

“Fine,” Wanda replied as she filled her cup. “We had a good time.”

“I’ll say! Wanda, your neck is covered in hickeys!” Yelena ran up to examine the witch’s neck. Shocked, Wanda turned to Yelena and slapped her hand up to her neck. She hadn’t looked at herself in the mirror before leaving Y/N’s apartment.

“Like I said, we had a good time.” She walked over to the table and pulled the chair out to sit down. She tried to sit down normally, but she winced as she made contact with the chair.

Natasha stared at her, placing the newspaper on the table. “Oh honey, you had a good night, didn’t you?”

Wanda smirked, thinking of the number of times Y/N left her screaming over the past 12 hours. Holding her coffee cup with both hands, she looked at Nat as she took a sip.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

580 notes · View notes

yaut-jaknowit · 1 year

Note

WAIT WAIT MY DRUNK BRAIN STARTED WORKING ON ANOTHE MXM IDEA

IMAGINE LIKE THE READER REUNITING WITH HIS MATE AFTER A LONGER TIME PERIOD FOR LIKE WTV ANGSTY REASON (broooo imagine the reader had gone thru smth traumatising like torture or some shit 😭😭) NAHHHH I MIGHT SPAM YOUR INBOX FR TONIGHT MY DRUNK BRAIN STARTED WORKING ON ALL LEVELS FROM ANGST TO NSFW LETSGOOOOO

Returned At Last Part 1

Pairing: Wolf x Reader

Word Count: 4506

Summary: All it was suppose to be a simple trip to earth. Wolf has a job to do. You're okay with that. You stay on the ship where it is safe. No one can hurt you from there. Wolf will come back and the two of you will leave. Don't let your guard down.

Author Note: Soooo I may or not have gone a little overboard with this. That's why it took a hot minute to get it out for you. Hopefully the length of it will be enough of an apology. But also, fucking love this, part of the reason why it's so fucking long.

I promise to all those who have asked me something, I am working on them. I just got side tracked with a few other writing prompts and drawing COD men.

Masterlist

Ao3

Part 2

Traveling out in space wasn’t all it was showed in shows. Getting stranded rarely happened; aliens boarding the ship to take over has never happened; stress and anxiety running high was also a nope. Everything was chill. It was just you and Wolf, flying through space as he hunted down Xenomorphs. When he gets off his ship to do his thing, you happily stay back, safe. He keeps you content with books, games, and other supplies his bought.

Yet, everything wasn’t chill today. Not everything goes perfectly. You weren’t safe.

It all started with a distress beacon coming from earth, funny enough. When Wolf told you about this, you jumped at the call. He, of course, couldn’t say no to the ancients telling him to respond. So, the two of you went through the void of space back to earth. You were more than happy to return after some time away. You couldn’t go visit family, since they believed you to be dead. Wolf had ordered you to stay on the ship. Why? You didn’t know.

This was your home planet after all. You knew about all the dangers, nothing could truly hurt you hidden out in the middle of nowhere. From what you could remember, Wolf placed the ship to be far from the origin. He said something about a gut feeling. Eh, you didn’t pay attention to him as he grumbled and gather his gear.

The two of you said your goodbyes to each other. Wolf went down the ramp, mask on, just like all the other times he has. You waved at him as the ramp started to close, locking you inside. It’s not like he has you trapped in here. You knew the code to leave if need be. He wouldn’t do that to you. There’s always a possibility that you needed to escape. One you didn’t believe in but let him have his way. If that made him content and knew you were safe, that’s all that matter to you as well.

When time passed at an unknown amount of time, just like any other time, you took roost in Wolf’s pilot chair. An action that didn’t save you. A book in hand, eyes scanning over the pages. One of the songs you liked hummed softly through the quiet air. Not a care or worry in the world. Nothing could hurt you while on your planet. That you believed in.

Something felt off. Your eyes lifted off of the page and snapped over to your water cup on the arm rest. The liquid inside was vibrating. Next, you peered over to the engine controls, thinking they somehow activated. Nothing. They were dormmate. That’s when you felt the pilot chair slightly tremble constantly underneath you. Huh?

You shifted to sit normally, gaze settling on the empty plains that sat out in front of the ship. Void of life and beings. If this was California, this could possibly be an earth quake? But you were unsure. You’ve never lived there. You didn’t know. That was the problem at hand.

Unable to relax or return to the book, you kept a flickering gaze on the scene before you. It was just you, the ship, and yellow sagebrush fields. The water kept rippling in its cup. It confused you on what could be causing that. An earthquake wouldn’t last this long. How right you were.

An idea came to mind. Wolf has taught you a few things about his ship, the basics in case of an emergency. You pressed a button on the console. A map of the scanned area appeared, like an aerial view of the plains.

Off to the ships, seven o’clock position was a small group of moving black dots. They were coming towards you. Oh shit! People. Not good. At all. They were heading towards the ship, towards you. Your quick fingers found the comm. Button close by and pressed it. Wolf kept his emergency comm. channel linked to the ship open at all time. For a situation that called for this.

“Wolf? There’s cars heading towards the ship. What should I do?” you questioned, eyes flickering back and forth the map. There’s been only two times you’ve flown the ship. Both opportunities have ended almost ended in a fiery explosion. You didn’t believe you could fly it again. Those chances were without stress. You weren’t worried there were people coming towards your camouflaged ship.

That thought made you paused. The shields were up… The camouflage was activated. How could they know where to drive? It wasn’t luck or chance they were heading in the right direction in the middle of nowhere. Wolf parked his vessel in the middle of nowhere. They shouldn’t know where to go unless…

Wolf hadn’t answered yet. “Wolf? Please, I don’t know what to do. I can’t fly this thing, you know that.” Silence from his end. You could almost groan at that. “Answer me! I need your help, Wolf!” you yelled as if that’ll help him hear you. Why wasn’t he answering? Fear gripped your heart in its deadly claws. Said organ thumping against its bony cage.

Your hands grasped the edge of the ship’s console, knuckles turning white. The vehicles continuously grew closer and closer and closer. Wolf didn’t respond. Had these people already got him? You blew that thought off though. This is Wolf you’re talking about. He took on a hybrid Xenomorph and Yautja. Probably one of the most deadly aliens out there known to existence. Best of all, the head is hung on his trophy wall.

Where are you, Wolf? Your head hung low. Solutions were running rampant in your mind. What to do? What to do? What could you do? Well, for starters, the ship. Its shields were strong, able to resist most blasts from enemy ships. So, these humans would struggle to break in. Yet, that didn’t quell your racing heart.

On the other hand, what couldn’t you do? Fly the damn thing. Wolf hasn’t taught you how to use the weapon system. Something about ‘oomans’ and killing themselves in stupid ways. In his own way, that’s him saying he loves you. You were fucked. You couldn’t escape with the ship. You couldn’t use the two massive guns attached to the belly. All you were a sitting duck for these humans to find and do whatever they want.

To be honest, you could hide. The ship offered many places for you squeeze yourself in. All you had to do was keep quiet and pray to Wolf’s god to keep you safe.

Contrary to belief, you would think living and being mates with a hunter/warrior race would automatically give you the knowledge to fight. Yeah, Wolf’s taught you a few things… it wasn’t going to be enough against the at least nine drivers of the vehicles.

With one last drop of hope, you pressed the comm. button once more. “They’re getting closer, Wolf. Please, I need you. I can’t fight them alone.” You held your breath, ears listening for anything that could signal he heard you.

Nothing. The last bit of hope in your heart was squeezed out. All you had was yourself now. He wasn’t responding which worried you. First, you had to ensure they didn’t get you. So when they leave, you could go find him; against his command before he left. Wolf always told you to stay on the ship. That’s where it was safer for you. He didn’t have to fret if you got yourself in trouble. You listened to him, knowing it was better to do so.

One last look at the map -the black dots less than a hundred yards away, you started to think on where to hide. Someplace they wouldn’t look for someone, if they were looking for you. That likelihood was extremely low. How would anyone know you’re with Wolf? You’re a random person who went missing.

On Wolfs ship, there are five rooms, not including the cockpit. Its not really a room, but oh well. First to come to mind was the kitchenette. That was quickly marked off the list. There was the cabinets to possible squeeze yourself in. You would have to displace some cooking wear. Anyone with a brain will be able to tell something was wrong in there.

Second on the list was the trophy room. Another place marked off. Unlike the kitchenette, it had no true places to hide away in. Only a few small drawers in Wolf’s desk he uses for his tools.

Next, the bedroom. The bed was large with a lot of blankets, courtesy to Wolf and his ability to hunt. Yet, to smother yourself underneath them all… you didn’t know how long they would the on the ship. You could slowly overheat and die or suffocate and die. Both options weren’t fun sounding. You crossed that one off as well.

At this point, you were running out time and rooms. The hull wasn’t going to offer you much either. It had boxes and crates expertly stacked. They were strapped down, filled with whatever Wolf like’s to haul through space. Again, taking the stuff out to hide inside of the crates would be stupid. These people will notice the items and think ‘let’s check these boxes’.

Last on the list was the sparring room. This was your best choice out of all the places this ship has. It had a couple cubby’s for weapons that were currently empty. Said weapons were out on their respected racks for Wolf to train with. You hoped he was okay. That it was just a fluke on him not answering the comm.

Since the sparring room offered the highest chance of survival, you hopped down from the chair. Three steps from the cockpit’s door, you heard the computer alert to a proximity breach. Shit, they were already outside the ship. Now wasn’t the time to screw around.

Quick, unsteady legs carried you to the second closest door to the right from the cockpit. It opened at your closeness. You skidded to a halt. The doors. They would open for them, besides the outside one. Another way Wolf tells you to say inside, where it was safe. It wasn’t going to be safe for much longer.

Your eyes flickered to the other doors. Terror gripped your heart. If you were to lock only one door, it would announce to the people outside that there was something important in there. Why else would it be lock while the others weren’t? Now, you only had two options: lock all the doors, loosing precious time or leave all the doors, lowering your chances for survival. The former would take time to do, time you don’t know if you had. The latter would offer more time to hide.

It's like you could hear Wolf whisper in your ear: give yourself a fighting chance. The second option was you rolling over and giving yourself to the group of people outside. One you didn’t want to do. Wolf would be so disappointed if he ever found out. Instead, you took the training he’s instilled into you to heart and changed tactics.

Let’s play a little Home Alone.

The kitchenette’s door opened at your proximity with a whoosh. The sight before you offered the same result to hiding, nowhere to truly squeeze yourself into. Your hand slapped against the touchpad next to the entrance of said room. Its metal door slid close at the command. You heard the tall tell sign of the lock clicking into place. One do-

An explosion rocked you off your feet, side slamming into the warm, metal ground. You hissed out in pain and sat up, hand rubbing at the aching area. Your vision swam for a moment, making you shake your head to clear it. What in the world was that?!

Then it hit you. The humans. What were they doing? A grunt escaped you as you returned to your feet, unsteady. By the sounds of it, they hadn’t breached the door yet. That left you with extra time to lock the rest and go into hiding.

With a newfound courage and energy, you raced against a fatal clock towards the next door. It was across the wide hallway, with a concave floor in the middle. Like a small common area for Yautjas to relax while traveling through space. You reached the trophy room gateway and did the same action as before. It locked before you. Another down. Just a couple more…

After quickly finishing with the third door – the bedroom, you sprinted towards the second to last one: the hull. If you got this locked, it would take them even longer to get into here. The main entrance was in there, sealing this do-

Before you could take a third step, a blast forced the ship to pitch. It threw you completely off balance, back bouncing off of the nearest wall. Then, you crashed back onto your formerly injured side. “Wolf!” You cried out, writhing for a long moment on the ground. That was going to heavily bruise later. That you could promise.

Voices. You paused, stilling completely, down your breath. Voices down below. You gasped, eyes wide and scrambled back to your unsteady feet. That door needed to be locked, no matter what now. Injured or not. That was your last of defense before they stormed the upper levels, where you were.

Now, with that on your mind, you uncoordinatedly ran towards the hull’s door. It opened, just like any of the others at your presences. An array of curse words pouring inside of your mind at this. Those former voice grew louder, their boots pounding against the metal floor. The next second, you hit the touchpad far harder than you meant to. The entrance before you closed on your command, sealing the second to last door to you.

As much as you wished to take a second to breathe, you jogged over to the last door. “Get this door open!” someone shouted from the other side when you weren’t even two steps away from it. Already?! How quick were these guys?

When you stepped into the room, about to spin around to close it off, another explosion had you stumbling out of it. Before you know it, you were on the cockpits floor.

Through the pain and splitting headache, you staggered over to the panel. On the other side of the room, smoke encased the hull’s door. A flash of red dots could seen marking the smoke. Guns. They had guns. You don’t know why you thought that be news. If these guys know what they’re doing on a Yautja’s ship, of course they would have weapon. Fear still slapped you in the face. You weren’t your boyfriend. He could survive many shots from a gun. You couldn’t.

Your hand slapped against the touchpad, sealing you from them. For the time being. With how quick they were able to knock down the hull’s door… you didn’t have hope they wouldn’t be able to do the same to the others. You turned around though, eyes scanning over the limited area in here. One entrance, one exit. You stuck in here.

An idea came to mind. A while back, Wolf had to do some work on the navigation after a run in with a large beast on a random planet. He took you under his wing and had you sit next to him as he worked. He didn’t talk and just showed you what he did. It’s not like you could ever do it yourself without his help. You didn’t dare touch any of the important ship’s wiring, in case you screwed something up. He knew what he was doing. You’ll happily sit there, twiddling your thumbs while observing.

The spot you were thinking of was underneath the control console. It offered a hidden spot off to the side, away from sight. You could possibly squeeze yourself behind the panel. The area there was small and tight, even for a human. It would luck to be able to fully close it. Yet, it was better than just standing he-

“Find that pet of his!” The earth stopped spinning; your thoughts came to a screeching halt. What?! They know of you. It had to be you they were talking about. Why are they coming for you? How do they even know?! Your heart felt like it dropped six feet underground. You stumbled backwards, back against the closed door, hand on your sternum. They were looking for you. They have guns. You were going to die. They were going to kill you. Why? Why?! Your brain screamed at you. Tears started to dribbled down your cheeks as all you could was lean heavily against the door. They were going to kill you.

The only thing stopping you from accidentally announcing where you were was the hand over your mouth. It held in the sobs, the cries, the whimpers. What you couldn’t hold back was the tears staining your face.

Wolf was going to come back from his hunt to find you dead, your brain splattering his ship’s cockpit. Why didn’t he answer? Where was he? Why did he leave? He should’ve never come back here. Earth was bad. It held bad memories. It’s going to hold more. You dead. He’s going to go after them but it won’t bring you back. You’re going to die. They’re going to kill you.

One last sporadic drop of hope entered your heart. It might been the adrenaline racing the organ to feel that way or the terror that squeezed it. You’ll never know. You sprinted towards the control console, seeing the comm. channel light still on. “Wolf, please, I need you!” you whimpered, hands grasping the metal so tightly your knuckles turned ghost white. “They’re here. They’re on the ship. They have guns. They know I’m here. They’re looking for me.”

The longer you talked, the more it seemed you were going down a spiral. Big, fat, globs of tears splattered against the console. You sobbed, no longer caring how quiet you were. “They’re going to kill me, Wolf. I’m going to die. I don’t want to die. I need you, please!” you cried to him and fell to your knees. your head bowed, forehead touching the edge of the dashboard.

Your shoulders shook, sobs leaving your mouth freely. They had to have heard you at this point but you didn’t care now. All you wanted was Wolf to be here. Here with his arms around your body and protect you from the calling of death. “I don’t want to die,” you whimpered, eyes blurry with tears. “They’re going to kill me.” You were too caught up to hide. It was too late.

One last blast knocked down your last line of defense. You stood up and spun around at the same time, back leaning heavily on dashboard. Smoke clouded the most likely demolished doorway now. You held your breath, waiting for a bullet to pierce the unknown and strike you.

Instead, it was them that breached the heavy smoke. When their gazes immediately landed on you, all of their weapons faced you. “Hands up!” one shouted and used the barrel of his gun to motioned for you to put them up. Terror washed over your face at the sight. It froze you in the very spot you stood in.

“No, no, no, no,” you mumbled, shaking like a leaf. This is where you die. Wolf was somewhere far away, not answering the call. He’s going to come back to you dead. On the cockpit’s floor of his ship, cold and lifeless.

“Get the fuck on the ground, fucker!” another demanded of you. Move, your brain screamed at you. Move! Do something. Anything. Just move!

You fell to your knees, hands gripped in front of in a plea. “Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me,” you begged of them. Out of the seven of them, you saw the closest one’s eyes crinkle. He was smirking. He stepped towards you, staying a decent distance away. His gun continuously pointed at your head, finger on the trigger. Your body shook, eyes wide as you watched him, unable to move.

Said man chuckled, shoulders shaking with the action. “I won’t if you listen to us very carefully. None of us are afraid to pull the trigger and end you. Leave you here, deader than a doorknob,” he snarked and motioned with his gun for you to get on the ground. “Now, face down, hands behind your back.”

It struck you. They weren’t going to kill you. They were going to take you. You didn’t know what was worse. Being captured or head blown to pieces right here. Captured means they’re probably going to torture you. They’re going to ask about Wolf and when you don’t give in, they’re going to hurt you. You weren’t prepared for that.

“No!” you shouted at him, teeth gritting against one another. A slow, molasses of courage starting to seep into your veins. Wolf would want you to fight. You were going to fight. You weren’t going to let them capture you. You weren’t going to give up Wolf.

A chorus of laughter erupted from the group. The closest barked his laugh before marching up to you and shoving the barrel of the gun into your head. From the headache and bruising side, you hissed. “It think’s he has a choice, boys. What do you say? Show it how wrong it is?” he questioned his fellow patriots and kept the barrel of the gun pressed into your head. You refused to go down so easily.

Similar to yourself, you know where to hurt a man. Your fist curled into a shaky fist as your head turned to stared him in the eye. A newfound fire flickering to life within your eyes.

It was like he read your mind. The bottom of his combat boots met your uninjured side and sent you sprawling across the floor. You cursed as pain flooded your left side.

Before you could get back up, a knee knocked the air out of your lungs and stayed glued to your back. The barrel was returned to the side of your head. “See? Wasn’t that easy to just listen. You must do it for your owner all the time.” Owner? Who is he talking about?

“Get off of me!” you yelled at him and squirmed, doing everything in your power to get back up. The clicking of a gun cocking stopped you in your tracks. “If you kill me, there won’t be anywhere on this planet you can hide. He will kill you.”

“Your owner won’t do anything. You’re just his pet, a plaything to him. He’ll leave you to rot in the cell we put you in.” That former fear began to creep back inside of your heart. Wolf wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t leave you behind.

“You’re an ass,” you growled at him. That only earned you a chuckle from him and the others around. It was weak, nothing more than a mosquito flying around. Said man shoved his knee further into your back, forcing you to cry out. “Get off of me, you cunt!”

“Ohhh, the pet has a mouth of it. I thought that alien would’ve made you learn by now,” the leader – as you’ve named him, taunted before whacking you with the butt of his gun. You gasped, vision blurring for a moment. “Got nothing to say now?” You stayed quiet, not wanting to get hit again. “Look, boys. We did a better job than that alien.”

The others laughed with him. Humiliation flooded your veins. You had no choice but to listen now. They had made it clear they were willing to hurt you to get their way. “Alright, boys, get this thing cuffed and head out. I don’t want to stay here any longer than we need to be.”

That last sentence peaked your interest. They were scared of Wolf. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be? He’s a highly, well trained hunter with hundreds of years of experience underneath his belt. The first time you saw him, you were terrified of him. It’s a natural reaction to him.

Cuffed? They were going to take you. Capture you. Possibly torture you for information about Wolf. Information you’re not willing to give up so easily. Yet, you’re not trained. “No!” you snapped and struggled underneath him. You weren’t going to be taken! You didn’t want to be.

“Oh shut up, pet. I’ve had my fun and you’ve had your moment. We’re leaving with you alive or dead. Doesn’t matter to us. We get paid all the same.” One of the other soldiers entered your personal space and handed the leader a pair cuffs. The latter gave a gruff thanks. He hooked his weapon with a strap across his back. With the newly acquired cuffs, he snatched both of your hands and twisted them behind your back.

Your heart stuttered in its bony cage. Terror entered your veins as the first biting, cold cuff encircled your wrist. “Wolf!” you cried out, voice wavering with that one word. “Please Wolf. They’re going to take me.” You knew he couldn’t hear your pleas. You knew he hadn’t answered your calls. He somewhere far away, hopefully okay. It matter to you that you tried.

Where was he? You wanted him here, with his arms around you, protecting you. You didn’t care if he killed them and embraced you the moment after. You wouldn’t care about the stench or sight. You wanted Wolf right now.

The knuckles of a furled fist connected with the side of your head. You groaned. “Shut up, before you blow your brains out right here.” Before you had a chance, the same cold, bitter feeling of the second cuff encased your other wrist. They had you cuffed and ready to be taken. Why didn’t you just hide? Why were you so stupid sometimes in the face of danger? Why wasn’t Wolf here?

With the help of the second closest soldier – the one that handed the leader a pair of cuffs, they both easily lifted you off of the floor. Each had an arm under your pits and dragged you from the cockpit. The fight inside of you was gone before it had time to bloom. You were captured, injured and crying silently. Tears stained your cheeks, falling to the warm metal floors.

Unbeknownst to you, Wolf heard every word, every cry for help. He heard your pleads for him as he raced back, full speed ahead. His older body aching more than ever to reach you in time. He heard the nasty name they called you. Those pyode-amedha were going to pay for laying a hand on you.

Wolf skidded to a stop in the cockpit. Your pungent odor of fear assaulted him. It was too late. The walls shook with a mighty, deafening roar.

#yautja x you #yautja #yautja x reader #predator x reader #x reader #predator x you #yautja x human #predator x human #alien vs predator #predator

343 notes · View notes

commander-krios · 11 months

Text

I can now reveal my Shenko Summer fic for @dandenbo. <3 I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Special shoutout to my beta, @comeoniwantacoolname for always helping me out!

Title: Reflections and Regrets Rating: Teen Pairing: MShepard/Kaidan Alenko Summary:

Five times Kaidan nearly confessed his feelings to Shepard and the one time he did.

Additional Tags: Slow Burn, 5+1, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Major Character Injury

~~~~

-1-

Smoke.

Kaidan could still smell the smoke on his clothing, mixed with salt water and conductive fluid. He'd intended to change after a long hot shower, but the debrief had taken the rest of his energy, and he hadn’t moved since. Sitting in the silent comm room, he hunched over, hands hanging between his knees, eyes staring at nothing in particular.

The edges of his vision blurred and he closed his eyes, images of the battlefield as clear as the Virmire skies had been barely a few hours ago. The shake in Ashley’s voice as her pleas echoed in his ears: ‘get Alenko, Skipper. That bomb needs to go off.’

Shepard’s insistence that he could get both of them to safety, that it was important that they all survived this, that he wasn’t going to leave a man behind.

Shepard’s turmoil as realization set in, and the impossible choice he made at the very last moment…

Ashley .

She’d paid the ultimate price so the rest of them could escape, so that the bomb could take out the cloning facility. So that Saren’s krogan army was reduced to nothing but ash and bones, a smoking pile of ruins and dust amid the salty seas.

Sure, Kaidan was grateful to be alive, but not like this, not at the expense of someone else. Especially not Ashley Williams.

A sigh escaped, loud in the silent room. Kaidan stretched his legs out in front of him, willing the stiff muscles to relax. The haunted look in Shepard’s eyes before the debrief was burned into his memory.

Maybe Shepard regretted his decision. Kaidan certainly did.

The smallest groan left his lips as he stood, his calves still protesting the movement. There was too much to do before they docked at the Citadel. He needed to clean his armor, and himself. He had a report to write about the situation on Virmire. He had a marine detachment to talk to, Mako repairs to oversee, and somewhere in there, he should probably eat, but as he turned towards the exit, he paused.

The sight of Shepard standing in the open doorway was unexpected. The lights of the CIC illuminated him from behind, leaving his face in shadow, his body outlined in white. He was a silent spectre, eyes shrouded in darkness, a ghost haunting his own ship.

A chill ran down Kaidan’s spine, his mind once again wondering if this is what other people saw whenever they came across the Butcher of Torfan.

“I was just leaving.” Kaidan managed, running a hand through his curls, wincing when his fingers caught on the strands.

“I-” Shepard hesitated, stepping into the dim room, eyes downcast. The glow from the overhead lights only put more shadows along his face, creases that weren’t there yesterday now visible along his brow. “No, you’re fine. I- need to check in with the Council. Let them know the mission is done.”

They’d almost failed… Would the Council even care that they’d lost a human to Saren’s madness? Was one life worth the information they’d gained? One life for total destruction of Wrex’s hope for the krogan. One life for an entire squad of STG soldiers. One life that meant nothing to the people who lived in the relative safety of the Citadel.

What was one life to them?

“I’ll give you some privacy.”

Kaidan tried his best to stamp down the grief in his heart. He knew Shepard had to be feeling it even worse. It was his call in the end. Shepard would be the one to deal with the consequences, good or bad. Kaidan followed the orders he’d been given.

He knew that the haunted look in Shepard’s blue eyes was reflected in his as well.

Kaidan found himself standing in front of his Commander a few heartbeats later, his hand on Shepard’s shoulder, squeezing gently in what he hoped translated as comfort, as support.

The other man glanced at him, eyes wide in uncertainty.

“Commander-”

His grip tightened slightly, Shepard’s jaw tensing as he tried to pick his words with care.

Kaidan resisted the urge to pull Shepard into an embrace, to comfort away the pain, the fear, the regret that so clearly tortured him. He wanted to smooth the lines in his forehead, to wipe away the tears, to take the weight of a galaxy off of his shoulders. There weren't many things he could do in this situation, except be there to help when he inevitably took the fall. He wanted to catch Shepard when the galaxy tried to break him.

But he couldn’t .

Shepard was his commander, yes, but he was also his friend. And his feelings had nothing to do with the man himself. He wouldn’t further complicate what was between them.

“I know you don’t hear this often, but you did the right thing on Virmire, even if it doesn’t feel like it. That cloning facility needed to be destroyed.”

Shepard’s strained smile was full of the sadness he’d never put words to. “Do you really believe that? After everything we’ve lost?”

Kaidan did, even if he regretted what happened, because the galaxy was worth preserving. There were people that needed protecting and they at least had a fighting chance to stop Saren now. But none of that mattered when Shepard met his gaze, the pain in his eyes stabbing Kaidan in the gut.

“I’ll be in the mess when you’re done, Shepard. I’m sure there’s something stronger than coffee lying around.”

Even if no amount of alcohol could fix their problems, they could at least send Ashley off properly.

“You’re a good friend, Alenko. I’m glad you’re here.”

Neither of them said the obvious: Kaidan was there because someone else wasn’t .

Someone who probably deserved it more.

-2-

The hum of the drive core was comforting, the ripples of its mass effect fields washing over him and the blue glow a safety he craved in his most vulnerable moment. With a sigh, Kaidan relaxed against the farthest wall from the core, sliding to the floor, settling comfortably in the corner so anyone coming and going wouldn’t trip over him. Stretching his legs out in front of him, he closed his eyes. The dark energy tickled at the edge of his senses and his own biotics responded in kind, an intimate dance between them.

The silence in engineering was welcome, especially after the insanity on the Citadel. The Council had immediately dismissed Shepard’s claims about Reapers, placing the entirety of the blame on Saren and the Geth. Then the Alliance decided the best use of Shepard and his crew was to put them on lockdown. Captain Anderson, of all people, helped them steal the Normandy from the docking bay…

And now, they were on their way to Ilos to face Saren head on before he could get the conduit, whatever that was.

Kaidan wished it was all over with because he felt like he could sleep for the next few years. Or centuries.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there when boots scuffed against the floor.

He managed to open his eyes slightly as Shepard sat beside him, their shoulders brushing, a kind smile on his face when he glanced over at Kaidan. “Hiding?”

“Is it that obvious?” He responded, a laugh escaping despite the pounding in his head, and he forced his eyes closed again. The migraines usually gave a little more warning than this so he’d been a bit surprised at the intensity of it. With a pained groan, he leaned his head back against the bulkhead, pressing a finger into his temple. “I’ll be alright in a little bit. The silence down here helps.”

Kaidan didn’t have to see Shepard’s face to feel him tense. “Kaidan-”

Patting Shepard’s hand affectionately, he tried to ignore the way his heart jumped at the sound of his given name on Shepard’s tongue. “I’ll be fine, Shepard. I promise.”

The commander muttered something under his breath, something that probably wasn’t very nice, but he couldn’t make out the words. Silence descended between them: companionable, comforting, and altogether more satisfying than it’d been before.

The humming of the drive core was still a pleasant white noise in the background and the cold metal of the wall behind him soothed his sweaty skin, keeping the nausea at bay. He opened his eyes a crack, unable to stop from staring at the man next to him.

Shepard was bathed in blue-white light, shadows dancing playfully across his face. He appeared strong, severe and yet, Kaidan felt nothing but peace and safety in his presence. His azure eyes nearly glowed in the dark, his skin an ocean of blues and whites, dotted with the tiniest smattering of freckles and scars.

He’d admired Shepard from afar for the last six months: watching him defend those that couldn’t defend themselves, feeling pride at how Shepard attempted diplomacy and understanding before resorting to violence, being witness to how every loss etched itself into his commander’s very soul.

It wasn’t long before Shepard caught him watching. With a quirk of his lips, he leaned his own head back to meet Kaidan’s eyes. “See something you like, LT?”

He was tempted to respond with an affirmative, to admit that he dreamed of Shepard at night alone in his bunk, that he wanted to press kisses along that strong jaw, or to brush his hands down Shepard’s back as he pulled him closer…

Clearing his throat, Kaidan glanced at the room’s light source, closing his eyes as the brightness made his migraine pulse angrily. Moaning, he leaned forward, his head dropping into his hands.

Shepard’s hand gripped him by the shoulder, keeping him from falling forward. When he spoke, his voice was a whisper. “ Hey . What can I do?”

Kaidan’s hands shook as he pulled them from his face. He kept his eyes closed, trying to make sense of what was happening around him over the throbbing in his skull. “The lights. Too much.”

“Why aren’t you in the medbay?”

“Liara. Ilos Prep. Didn’t want to interrupt.”

Shepard grunted before he shifted away, taking his warmth as he stood. Then he leaned down to put Kaidan’s arm around his shoulders, pulling him to his feet. It took a few seconds for Kaidan’s brain to catch up with the movement. He wobbled momentarily until Shepard steadied him… his free arm wrapping around Kaidan’s waist and securing him tightly against his own body.

“What’re you-”

“Shh.” Shepard moved forward, keeping Kaidan’s weight supported with each step. “I’m getting you out of here and somewhere better to sleep this off. I need you on Ilos.”

Kaidan wished Shepard needed him in other ways, and he would probably scold himself for such thoughts later, but it didn’t make the desire any less real.

“Where-” The question wouldn’t come out so he stopped speaking, his brain feeling like it was going to melt out of his ears.

“My cabin. It’s cold, dark, and far away from everyone.” Shepard lifted a finger when Kaidan made to argue as best as he could. “Do this as a favor to me.”

If Kaidan was feeling like himself at all, he would’ve protested, telling Shepard that he knew better than to believe that taking the Captain’s quarters wasn’t a breach of whatever fragile friendship they had left, and he wasn’t ready for what that meant. Not when the galaxy was falling down around them.

But his brain wouldn’t respond, no amount of prodding did anything except make his migraine worse, so he allowed Shepard to herd him in silence, ignoring the raised eyebrows and confused looks the crew sent them when they passed.

Shepard’s cabin was cool, the air circulator keeping it at a low yet comfortable temperature. The lights were already dimmed and Kaidan’s eyes (and head) were thankful for the reprieve. He collapsed on the soft blankets, burying his face in the scent of Alliance-issued soap. It wasn’t anything special, but it smelled like Shepard.

Shepard pulled Kaidan’s boots off and dumped them to the side for later, not bothering to line them up like a good soldier would. Then he helped to get Kaidan in a comfortable position, head on a pillow, blankets piled on top of him in a cocoon. Once he was situated satisfactorily, Shepard sat beside him on the edge of the bed.

“Did you need anything else?”

Kaidan swore that Shepard’s touch brushed against his forehead, twirling a curl around his finger before it disappeared altogether.

“‘M good, thanks.”

Kaidan was nearly asleep when Shepard moved, leaving him on the bed alone. His eyes shut as he spied Shepard in the chair across the room, a sentinel watching over him while he slept.

-3-

Mayday! Mayday, this is the SSV Normandy!

The words echoed in his ears as Kaidan pushed his way through the chaos, dodging terrified crewmen and dangling cables, sparks exploding in dangerous arcs. The ship shuddered beneath his feet, nearly knocking him to the ground. He grabbed on to the closest object, the mess hall table, and thanked his lucky stars that the thing was bolted to the floor. Or what remained of it.

A quick glance confirmed what he already knew: the ship was barely holding together. Fires had broken out across the deck, the emergency fire system soaked the floors, adding even more danger to the crew's haste to escape. Gripping his helmet tightly, Kaidan forced it over his head, coughing against the thick black smoke as he waited for the seals to engage.

A hiss sounded as oxygen filled his helmet and he took a deep breath, attempting to orient himself in the chaos.

Taking a step away from the table, he noted a partially burned body to the right. The familiar buzzcut of Talitha Draven made his heart jump into his throat, grief burning in his chest as he continued on, needing to find Shepard. He tried to convince himself it was to get orders, but he was truly worried. Comms were spotty and he hadn’t heard from Shepard since the attack began.

Another few bodies caught his attention as he made his way to where the distress beacon waited to be launched, each new face making his heart heavier. He knew each and every one of these people and now… now they were gone and for what? Hunting geth that weren’t a threat anymore? Doing the Council’s dirty work while there were other things to prepare for?

Like the Reapers?

And the end of galactic civilization?

The Council was blind and sometimes, as much as he hated himself for it, he wondered if Shepard had made the right choice in saving them. Only time would truly tell if they would help end the Reaper threat or only made everyone else’s choices more difficult.

The familiar sight of John’s N7 armor filled his vision, stopping the dark turn of his thoughts immediately.

“Shepard.”

“Get everyone to the escape pods!” Shepard ordered, hitting the distress beacon with as much force as he could muster. The console sparked briefly but thankfully, didn’t break.

“Joker won’t leave the cockpit.” He shouted, hoping that Shepard heard over the blaring klaxons. He couldn’t see John’s expression with the helmet on but his blue eyes would haunt him. “I’m not leaving either.”

I’m not leaving you .

Shepard shook his head, almost as if he could hear Kaidan’s thoughts. “Kaidan-”

Gripping Shepard’s helmet, Kaidan pressed the front of his visor against it, an intimate gesture that neither were expecting. Kaidan’s heart pounded hard against his ribs, Shepard’s sudden proximity a desire he’d craved for months, but not like this.

Never like this.

Shepard closed what little distance was between them, hand on Kaidan’s neck, securing him solidly against him. The alarms screamed, fires burned only feet away, but the solid feel of John in his arms almost broke him. He’d wanted this for too long, but now, they didn’t have time.

“Don’t make me go.”

Shepard sucked in a sharp breath and for a second, Kaidan could’ve sworn he shook. “You have to, Kaidan.” He pushed him away, not roughly but enough to put distance between them. “I’ll get Joker. The others are counting on you. Please .”

Kaidan closed his eyes, filling his lungs slowly with oxygen, trying to force his feet to move, to fulfill his orders. When he finally looked at Shepard once more, he knew he didn’t have a choice. He had a job to do and god dammit he would do it.

I love you.

It was on his tongue and nearly slipped out, but his feelings were inconsequential as their ship burned around them, the dead staring at them with empty eyes. Talitha couldn’t be saved, but there were others that could.

Swallowing the fear that this would be the last time he saw John Shepard, Kaidan nodded. “Aye aye.”

When he turned his back on the man who had become his world in a few short months, running for the escape pods, there was a dark whisper at the back of his mind that told him it was a mistake. One he would regret for the rest of his life.

-4-

His fingers hovered over the datapad, the words not coming the way he’d intended.

It’d been a shock to see Shepard alive on Horizon, even with Anderson’s warning: There are rumors that Shepard is alive, Commander. Be ready for anything.

But the warnings, the hearsay, the hints about Shepard’s survival over Alchera had prepared him little for what he saw that day: the familiar ocean blue of John’s eyes, the all encompassing relief on the man’s face when Kaidan approached unharmed, the gentle brush of his hand against Kaidan’s shoulder before they embraced. His heart had soared with happiness to see the man he’d followed to hell and back standing in front of him, flesh and blood and very much alive .

But the moment passed quickly, only to be replaced by more questions than answers.

How was he alive? Was it true that he was with Cerberus now? What had really happened over Alchera? And why was he here now ?

What was Cerberus’ interest in the colony abductions?

Were they involved? Was Shepard involved?

It didn’t matter what the answers were, not when they could be lies. How was he supposed to believe anything a dead man said?

While his head spun with questions, Kaidan’s gaze had taken in the changes in the man he’d once pledged his service to. Shepard’s skin was cracked in places and crimson cybernetics held his flesh together, red lines glowing bright like a beacon over his cheeks and jaw. But there was a darkness in his gaze that Kaidan had seen only a few times before and it scared him.

John Shepard wasn’t the same person who’d died over Alchera.

Now that he could look back on the interaction with fresh eyes, Kaidan admitted he was unnecessarily harsh in his reaction after. There was little he regretted in life, and the things he did regret he could count on one hand. His anger at Shepard on Horizon was one of them. If his former commander really didn’t have a choice from the beginning, then he should apologize.

The blinking cursor mocked him. Twenty minutes since opening the messaging app and he had yet to write a single word.

With a sigh, he ran a hand down his face. There was nothing he could say to make up for the years Shepard had lost and more than just John’s life had been destroyed over Alchera. His career, his scars, his friendships… The work he’d done as a Spectre swept under the rug by the Council and Alliance both, many now believing Shepard to be a raving lunatic.

And this situation with Cerberus…

Another sigh slipped out.

Kaidan wished he could pour his heart out, to let Shepard know how deep the pain of losing him had been. To the crew, to him . The last images burned into his brain played on repeat in front of his mind’s eye: the Normandy’s destruction, and Shepard’s lifeless body drifting over the planet in the cold vacuum of space. No one had been willing to retrieve the man that had saved them from the Geth and Saren, of the hero who had haunted visions of things passed and things yet to come. On that day, Kaidan Alenko’s heart tore in two.

His fingers typed the message before he realized what he’d done.

The words stared back at him, his subconscious willing to destroy everything he’d built over the last two years, all for a man who was supposed to be dead.

John,

These past two years have been more than difficult for me. Seeing you on Horizon brought back old feelings I thought I’d put to rest, but it seems that forgetting you is impossible. I can’t join Cerberus, I won’t, and it has nothing to do with you. Because if I’m being honest, I was tempted to throw it all away to be with you on the Normandy again.

But the Normandy is gone.

I’m not the same person anymore. I sense you aren’t, as well.

The love I have for you isn’t enough for me to give up on everything I believe.

Kaidan swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. Even if he wasn’t sending a personal message that both the Alliance and Cerberus officials wouldn’t be reading, he couldn’t admit his feelings in that way. They both deserved better than that, even if they’d never get it.

Each day a life with John Shepard seemed further out of reach.

Especially with Shepard in enemy hands.

He read the message once more before hitting ‘delete.’

-5-

The shuttle landed at the pad a few feet away, dust blowing up into Kaidan’s face as he waited. Lifting his hand to shield himself from the worst of the air, he watched as the door slid open, revealing Admiral David Anderson. He wore his dress blues, medals shining in the bright sunlight. Grey was starting to show in his close cropped dark hair, but he still flaunted that dazzling smile that made him appear years younger.

“Major.” Anderson greeted, reaching out to shake his offered hand. “It’s good to see you. Here to escort us to the inquest?”

“Yes, sir.” He replied, eyes involuntarily straying to where Shepard was stepping from the shuttle. He looked better than Kaidan had seen him in years. This Shepard wasn’t the ghost he’d met on Horizon anymore, half-mended flesh barely held together with cybernetics. His scars had healed, concealing the eerie glow of the implants underneath it, and he’d even put some muscle back on his once thin, almost frail frame.. If Kaidan ignored their purpose for being here in Vancouver, he could almost pretend they were back on the SR-1.

“Major, huh?” Shepard smiled, raising an eyebrow expectantly, almost as if he was waiting for Kaidan to detail the mission that got him the promotion. Like he hoped Kaidan would treat it like old times.

But it wasn’t.

“It’s recent.” He said instead, nodding as Anderson excused himself briefly. Kaidan’s hands were clenched at his sides as he tried to reign in the sudden longing in his heart. He missed those smiles more than he wanted to admit. “I, uh, would rather not talk about it right now.”

“That’s fair. It’s not like I’ve done anything recently to give you reason to trust me.” If Shepard’s words brought him any hurt at all, his voice didn’t betray it. When Kaidan glanced at him again, Shepard was watching Lieutenant James Vega as he stood at parade rest beside Anderson, trying his best not to fall asleep at the conversation the Admiral was having with the lawyers assigned to him.

Kaidan stared at him in silence, memorizing the new scars above his brow, the freckles that dusted his nose, the smooth skin on his cheeks and jaw. John’s hair had grown considerably since Horizon, nearly brushing his shoulders, dusty brown locks that looked as soft as satin.

Kaidan resisted the urge to reach and brush his fingers through it.

This man had done awful things, was on trial for many of those crimes, but stood resolute, fearless. He always had. It was one of the things that Kaidan always admired about him. Shepard was the Butcher of Torfan, but he was also human… he made mistakes like everyone else. What made him different, even special , was that he wasn’t afraid of owning up to them.

Is that what this was? A misunderstanding? A mistake?

Somehow, Kaidan didn’t think so.

“Did you do it?” He asked, voice quiet and yet, Shepard heard him as clearly as if they were standing in an empty room.

Shepard’s jaw tensed and he glanced away briefly, blue eyes fixed on something far away that Kaidan couldn’t see. Lieutenant Vega had noticed the movement and looked at them with curiosity. It felt like forever before John shook his head, unfocused gaze landing back on Kaidan.

His fears must’ve shown on his expression because John’s eyes darkened. “Don’t look at me like that, Kaidan. Not you, of all people.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard.” And he was sorry. This wasn’t at all how he wanted to see his former friend again. Not after Horizon. The circumstances never seemed to favor them. “But you have to know what it looks like.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “The Butcher of Torfan getting more revenge against batarians?” He laughed, but there was no amusement in it. “Yeah, I get how it looks.”

“Not to mention, you were flying Cerberus colors.”

Shepard flinched, the reminder an obvious low blow. “I was under Hackett’s orders.”

“Not officially and that’s all they care about.” Kaidan sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “What happened out there, Shepard?”

“You’ve seen the report, what do you think?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” Kaidan replied, opening his eyes to see the flash of pain on Shepard’s face before he hid it behind his usual stoic mask.

“It does to me.”

The words were so quiet that Kaidan almost missed them.

“If you’re right about the Reapers, then you didn’t have a choice.” Kaidan said after a moment of silence, hating how strained his voice sounded at the admission. It’s not that he didn’t believe Shepard. He did and that was part of the problem. Because he knew exactly what happened when someone has no other option in a fight that was bigger than themselves.

“It doesn’t make it easier to bear though.”

The regret was nearly palpable in John’s words.

“No, it doesn’t.”

Silence fell between them again, heavier with a truth only a few people knew. Even if they thwarted the Reapers, even if they stopped the whole harvesting of organic civilizations, the loss would still be catastrophic. Winning wouldn’t feel like a victory at all.

“Kaidan, before I leave, there’s something I need to tell you. Just in case…” Shepard trailed off, but the meaning was obvious.

Just in case we don’t see each other again.

Kaidan’s heart broke at the look in his friend’s eyes. They’d once been close, telling each other things that they couldn’t tell anyone else, being there at each other’s six, knowing the other’s tells and expressions, but this gulf between them had only grown since Alchera, since Horizon. Kaidan didn’t want it to grow anymore. Not when the things he felt were still so real. “Shepard-”

“Commander.” Vega appeared at John’s shoulder, a hulking mass of muscle that would’ve been easy to spot any other day, but now surprised them with his sudden presence. “We have to meet with the Admirals now.”

John closed his eyes with annoyance, taking a deep breath to calm himself before he spoke. As always, there was never time. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Sir, Admiral Anderson-”

Shepard stiffened, but before he could snap out a reply, Kaidan cleared his throat, grabbing the attention of both men beside him. With a small smile, he tried his best not to look put out by the inquest, by the politics, and he was sure he failed by the slant of John’s eyes.

“You should probably go, Shepard.”

He caught the hurt that John tried to hide behind his tense smile. “Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you around, Kaidan.”

As Shepard turned his back on him, Kaidan couldn’t help feeling the deja vu in the worst way.

-6-

“Is that what they did to you?”

Blue eyes flashed coldly and for a moment, Kaidan had a terrible thought that maybe Shepard was a threat much like the mangled creature lying on the ground a few feet away. Was Shepard another husk waiting to be unleashed by the Illusive Man? Could Kaidan trust him? And could he trust himself to do what was necessary if Shepard was a threat?

“How could you compare me to him ?” Shepard snapped, the bite of his voice familiar and foreign all at once. Like so much in their lives now.

He glanced away and realized too late, he probably shouldn’t have. If Shepard was a Cerberus weapon, he needed to watch his back. Unfortunately, the man who usually did that was the one he needed protection from . “Shepard, I don’t know what you are… or who. Not since Cerberus.”

A slight headache appeared as his brain forced the memory away, refusing to acknowledge the fear and doubt he’d held. Because it was his distrust of Shepard that had put them both in danger.

“Is the person I followed to hell and back- the person I…” He managed to stop before he let the word slip: love. He was in love with John Shepard, but this was not the time for a confession. “Are you still in there somewhere?”

“They didn’t change me, Kaidan. But words won’t convince you, will they?”

No, words hadn’t convinced him. But Shepard’s actions, on the other hand, had spoken volumes. They always had, back when they were a lot younger and a lot less jaded about the future, when they were merely friends who hadn’t yet grieved for thousands of soldiers who’d died with a single choice.

But they were both different now. Changed in drastic ways as the Reaper war dragged on. Because that was how war went, wasn’t it? It tore at every shred of your heart and your sanity until you’re left with nothing but the memories of people you once loved. Memories of who yourself had been at one time or another.

It took longer than he expected to open his eyes. Brain damage, skull fracture, some other things that seemed horrifying and probably should’ve killed him. Instead, he was lying in a hospital bed on the Citadel, receiving the best care that was possible in the middle of a galactic war, all because his closest ally was a Spectre.

The overhead lights normally would’ve blinded him upon opening his eyes, but he was surprised to find them shut off, nothing by the artificial daylight of the Presidium streaming in through large open windows. Kaidan blinked a few times to clear the blurriness from his vision. A few minutes passed with nothing but the sound of his heart in his ears as his headache began to slowly subside. A C-Sec shuttle flew past the window, descending to the closest shuttle pad. Different species of birds flew through the air before settling on the branches of a small tree. A well dressed couple was walking the Presidium hand in hand, admiring the flowers that had been recently tended.

The Citadel was almost serene in its unrushed pace. He felt like an interloper in the peace, a soldier that lived and breathed war. He shouldn’t be here, he should be on the front lines. Or, if the morose part of his mind was right, even dead by this point. But he wasn’t . And he knew why.

John Shepard.

Shepard always put himself in harm’s way to make sure his people came home, and when they didn’t, he took it personally, even if it wasn’t his fault. Because most of the time, it wasn’t.

Kaidan glanced to his right where he knew he’d find the man in question, sitting bedside on a clearly uncomfortable chair, hunched over the hospital bed with his head resting on folded arms. He was sleeping, breathing deeply with the quietest of noises leaving his mouth. With his gaze mapping Shepard’s face, Kaidan noted the dark circles under his eyes, the weariness that seemed to haunt his pale skin even when sleeping. Some of his skin was showing wear, the cybernetics glowing crimson between small cracks in his cheeks.

Whatever had happened since the incident on Mars was wearing on Shepard’s health and Kaidan felt a pang of regret. Some of it was his fault, the words he’d spoken to Shepard on Mars were harsh and for that, Kaidan should apologize. If he couldn’t rely on the people he loved and trusted, he couldn’t rely on anyone.

Before he could stop himself, Kaidan reached out, running his fingers through those thick brunette locks like he’d been craving for years. Soft to the touch, it slid through his fingers with little resistance, landing on the white sheets with nary a sound. He twirled a stray lock of hair around his index finger, smiling when Shepard stirred at the touch.

Opening his eyes, Shepard blinked as if he was unsure of where he was. Once he got his bearings, he lifted his head and glanced around, stretching to ward off the embarrassment at being caught in such a vulnerable position.

“Hey, Shepard.” Kaidan said, unable to keep from smirking, noting the flushed cheeks and nervous movement of Shepard’s hand over his face.

“Kaidan. It’s, uh, good to see you awake. How are you feeling?” His eyes dropped to where the blanket had slid down, exposing Kaidan’s chest.

He might’ve felt embarrassed if he didn’t enjoy the look in Shepard’s blue gaze, eyes roaming the expanse of skin and curly chest hair appreciatively. “Better. You didn’t have to wait here for me to wake up. I would’ve sent you a message.”

“Are you sure that’s true?” He glanced up, a worried frown pulling at his mouth. “You weren’t happy with me on Mars.”

Kaidan looked away this time, his hands seeming more interesting than the man beside him. “I was… wrong about you. I’m sorry.”

“Kaidan-”

“I need to get this out, John. Please .” When Shepard fell silent, Kaidan took a deep breath, closing his eyes and releasing it through his nose. It was comforting to feel Shepard next to him, to know that he’d watched over him whenever he was on the Citadel, for however long Kaidan had been sedated. “We were both wrong about a lot over the years, but… this is all on me. I didn’t trust you when I should have.”

“I haven’t made myself very trustworthy.”

Kaidan snapped his eyes open, a glare directed at the man he couldn’t deny any longer. With everything he’d been through: the Alliance using his dark past to their advantage, the Council using him as a tool to further their power, the prothean beacon’s visions nearly tearing him apart, the threat of the Reapers and Geth… and then to top it all off, his death and Cerberus resurrection. The months of being forced to work with his enemies while his allies said terrible things about him, Kaidan included. Bahak and finally being proven right about the Reapers while everything the galaxy had built was being destroyed.

Kaidan didn’t know how Shepard was holding himself together.

“That’s ridiculous.”

The smallest grin appeared on Shepard’s face. “Hey-”

Kaidan wanted to reach out and shake some sense into Shepard, but he was partially to blame for that. He made Shepard doubt himself and he never wanted to see that again.

“I’ve known you for a long time, Shepard, and you’re being too hard on yourself. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you after Horizon. Or Bahak. Or the millions of other times I should’ve been.” He paused, tongue going numb as he pushed his final thought into words. “You’ve always been strong for everyone else. Let me be strong for you.”

His smile widened. “From a hospital bed?”

Kaidan nudged Shepard's shoulder with his hand. “Ok, jackass, very funny.”

Shepard caught his hand before he could pull away, gently holding it against his chest, eyes sparkling with laughter. Kaidan missed seeing him so lighthearted, so at peace. If he could bring a little hope in the face of so much darkness, he’d accept that responsibility wholeheartedly. Entwining their fingers together, Kaidan gave a little squeeze.

“I’m here, John. I wasn’t before and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. But-” He held up his free hand when it looked like Shepard would interrupt. He relaxed, watching Kaidan with wonder. “I’m not going anywhere. If you’ll have me, of course.”

Shepard was quiet, holding Kaidan’s hand as if letting go would be the end of the galaxy. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Kaidan smirked, leaning closer and brushing his free hand through John’s hair before hooking a finger beneath his chin. Tilting his face so their eyes met, Kaidan let his hand drop to the bed. “What do you want? You’ve given everything for the Alliance, for this war. What is the one thing that Commander John Shepard wants?”

There was no hesitation in his next words. “ You .”

John moved faster than Kaidan expected, pulling him closer so their lips met sooner, their desire crashing like waves, relentless. Years and even death hadn’t quelled his feelings for the man in front of him, and it seemed the same could be said of Shepard.

“I love you.” Kaidan whispered against his mouth, enjoying the feel of John pressed against him. The muscles in his neck twinged slightly, but he ignored it in favor of kissing Shepard again, letting every feeling of love and hope and adoration he felt echo in his touches.

There was still a war to fight, and Kaidan likely had to wait to be officially discharged, but for now, they had each other and he wasn’t going to let what they had go without a fight. He’d wasted enough time.

John broke the kiss, gasping slightly for air, and Kaidan laughed, the sound breathless and happy for the first time in so long. He sent Kaidan a bemused look, but chuckled quietly. “You’re impossible.”

“I’ll have you know…” Kaidan trailed off, his head so full of the reality that he’d just kissed Shepard that this fight didn’t seem to matter as much as it might’ve once upon a time. With his fingers tangled in Shepard’s hair, he brushed his lips against his jaw. “Actually, that’s fair. Considering how long it took to get here -”

“I love you.” Shepard interrupted, trailing a finger along his cheek, cupping Kaidan’s face in his hand a moment later. “I have for a long time, Kaidan. If I’d known-”

Kaidan leaned forward, their foreheads touching in the silence that followed. Regret. It was something both of them had, about so many things, but he wasn’t going to regret this . Because even if one of them had confessed at any time in their past, it wouldn’t have been right.

This was the moment they’d waited for.

“As much as I want to say it would, I can’t pretend that it would’ve made a difference. Changing anything about our past could’ve changed the future and not for the good. I love you, John Shepard, and I’m going to fight for us. No matter what happens.”

John nodded, but said nothing. There was nothing that could be said. They might not have everything, but they had each other.

It was enough.

#shenko summer #mass effect #mass effect gift exchange #shenko #mshenko #kaidan alenko #john shepard #shepard x kaidan #mshep x kaidan #my writing

101 notes · View notes

foxymoxynoona · 1 year

Text

Tell Me What Changed Pt. 8

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

“Hey Hobi, can you grab my hair?” Alex called, arm deep in ground beef and spices she was hand folding. She hadn’t thought about her hair when she started but it kept swinging down in front of her face and it was long enough now to land in the bowl. Maybe it was time for a haircut… but she’d never been good at styling hair and the shorter it was, the more she felt like she needed to do things with it.

In seconds Hoseok was behind her, a ponytail holder from her purse stretched around his fingers. The gentle way he dragged her hair back, sliding his fingers through it to get the last strands, gave her goosebumps in spite of the gross wet feel of fatty meat caked between her fingers. Very disorienting combination.

He twisted it one too few times so it was loose and low on her back but at least it was out of the beef.

“It looks… it smells good,” he corrected himself. She grinned at his eagerness to praise and support her. She had admitted it was daunting to cook for them with Seokjin’s culinary skill on display so often. But Alex had wanted to cook for Hoseok for a while and finally had the time and energy to buy the things she needed.

“What is it?” Seokjin asked, leaning against the counter.

“It’s meatballs,” Milena insisted, to which Seokjin gave an incredulous look until Alex confirmed, “We’re doing American and Chinese fusion tonight…”

“It’s really meatballs?” Hoseok asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“They’re fancy meatballs,” Alex defended.

“I didn’t mean anything bad! Are they Chinese meatballs?”

“I don’t know,” Alex sulked. “Not really… but usually zha jiang mian has pork or beef in it but you said Ren and Samantha don’t eat meat so I left the pork out of the sauce and the rest of us can add them meatballs–”

Hoseok laughed and touched her hips, “Alex, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure it will be great.”

“It will be great,” she said, but stopped herself before adding Jungkook loves my meatballs!

A cold chill slid across her shoulders but she ignored it and leaned into Hoseok’s warm hands with a hip wiggle before chasing him away so she could continue. Seokjin hovered a bit longer, until she yelled that he was making her nervous, and he laughed and yelled back that she better not poison them, and Hoseok yelled at Seokjin for insulting her, and they went off to set the table.

Even with pressure to cook well, Alex felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. Not that everything was perfect and easy. Living at home again was taking some transitioning. Her whole daily routine and social life felt like it had been tossed into a salad shaker. And also she missed her best friend like fuck.

But she didn’t feel like she was juggling knives. She didn’t walk on eggshells around anyone or feel like she was hiding things or keeping secrets. Her fears that Hoseok would have enough and dumb her for the drama subsided. She didn’t have to worry herself sick trying to figure out what to do because hey, the arm was gone! Just the whole damn arm! She had to learn to live without the arm but people did that all the time! She couldn’t slam her fingers in the kitchen drawer now or something something.

Things were simpler and easier and she took that to be a sign she had done the right thing. Probably living at home was going to drive her crazy before too long, even though she loved her parents, but if all went well, maybe in a year or two she’d be moving in with Hoseok anyway! Oh god. Or if that was too soon, maybe she could jump into a roommate space with Rebekah or Minxi if that freed up. Or if she got too miserable she’d just look for a new roommate on craigslist or whatever. She had options. Tomorrow was a new day. The sky was her oyster or something like that.

Yes, this was the right thing to do. She hummed along to music Milena put on in the living room even though she wasn’t familiar with it and focused on cooking so she wouldn’t accidentally burn it. The meatballs were easy but the zha jiang mian was easy to fuck up if she forgot to pay attention and burned the sauce. One time she and Jungkook had smoked themselves out of the kitchen trying to get it just right– ok, maybe that actually got distracted by videos on his phone–

She hummed louder, and cleared her mind of anything that wasn’t cooking, and smiled at the easy laughter of her friends and the overly loud joke told by her boyfriend that set them off. The doorbell rang, their last two vegetarian guests arriving, and Hoseok went running to answer it like an overexcited puppy. She thought Hoseok was happier too. It was a sad turn of events but everything would be better in the long run, that was the truth.

“Ah those were some damn good meatballs,” Hoseok said once the food had been eaten, dishes cleared away, leftovers stored, and Tate, Milena, Ren, and Samantha had said their farewells. Seokjin was already holed up in his room, the noise of him mumbling to himself as he played his game audible if you lingered near his door, which Alex did not ever, being well acquainted with other noises one might accidentally overhear doing so.

Hoseok and Alex weren’t there for long though. He sexily threw the dishtowel over his shoulder and Alex’s grin must have revealed the appeal because he laughed and gestured her closer.

“Thank you for cooking,” he said, sliding his arms over her shoulders. “It’s cool to show off my girlfriend.”

“Yeah? I’m glad it turned out well.”

He kissed her forehead, which was sweet. Then he hunched further and she leaned up so he could kiss her for real. That easy warm feeling wrapped around her. The fact that kissing Hoseok was normal to her now was in itself still remarkable. She felt like they’d really gone through something together, even if the stress and suffering had been primarily hers, and the fact everything was still so good soothed her soul. She saw so many stories about toxic or messy relationships, it was like the basis of every romantic movie, but her relationship with Hoseok was just easy once she’d cut off the arm that was Jungkook! Was it supposed to be this easy? Was she just really lucky?! That seemed unlikely and yet the proof was there.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked her, arms comfortably wrapped around. Hoseok’s hugs were just something else, they’d made a hugger out of her when she never thought of herself as one before. Being hugged by Hoseok recharged your batteries straight to full.

She wasn’t about to tell him the embarrassing truth: I’m thinking about how the future with you looks so peaceful and steady. A calm, flat horizon with blue skies. Surely something would go wrong at some point but she had a hard time picturing what. Couldn’t they be supportive and kind and just always be ok? Short of one of them doing something wildly out of character, was this it now? Were they just going to be happy forever? Someday they’d move in together and get married and have a baby or something? Or maybe just adopt dogs. But they both had jobs that were good and liked living in this area so probably no major moves. Could life really be as easy as that? No, right?

“Alex,” he murmured, rustling her hair. “You’re quiet. Are you ok?”

“Just digesting,” she assured him. “And thinking about how nice this is.”

“Yeah. It is nice. Oh, I meant to tell you– you know I started going by my old dance school?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I signed up to start taking a few classes again. I miss dancing and I figured why wait? I’m only getting older.”

She pulled away and beamed, “Yeah, you should! I want to watch you dance!”

“Ok, good, I want you there. There’s usually a showcase later in the fall… ah, I’m rusty but I’ll get it back.”

“Yeah! Oh my god, yeah, I can’t wait to see you!”

“Ok ok,” he grinned. “Good then. That’s nice.”

“Yes, that’s nice,” she giggled, and pressed her face back to his chest.

“You know what would be nicer?” he asked after another minute of swaying.

“Um… what?”

“If we got naked,” he whispered. “You, me, my freshly made bed? The meatballs were really good and they gave me a lot of energy. Do you think…”

“Do I think what?”

“Do you want to? We don’t have to if you don’t feel like it–”

“Why wouldn’t I feel like it? Yeah, let’s go! Let me run to the restroom first but…”

“Ok, I don’t want to pressure you though. I know it’s been a few weeks and you haven’t been feeling well…”

Alex paused at the edge of the kitchen, only now realizing he was right. It had been a few weeks since they’d had sex. Their sex life was steady and stable so she didn’t exactly track how often they did the deed, but she happened to know that he was right, they hadn’t had sex since right after she’d moved out of her apartment. She’d been desperate for sex but afterwards wound up feeling like she’d over-exherted herself and had been too distracted to be any real good for Hoseok, though he hadn’t said that. She hadn’t avoided sex on purpose since but it just hadn’t happened again...

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize that– but you’re right! I swear I’m not avoiding sex or anything, I guess I just wasn’t feeling great for a little bit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said, it’s fine! That happens. You don’t have to apologize,” he insisted, running his hands up to cradle her face. “If you still don’t feel like it–”

“No, I do. Let’s get back in the sack, let’s go,” she assured him. She didn’t know how to explain to him that without understanding it, she’d felt like she was waiting for something… But what? Waiting for something to point out she wanted to and ought to have sex with her boyfriend? Waiting for permission to be normal? It made no sense. She didn’t know anything yet about the ebb and flow of sex in a relationship, just that things were good and she wanted to feel good in that department too.

Fortunately, it was easy to get right back into rhythm together. Alex finished with a happy, satisfied sigh after just the right amount of time fucking, and curled up comfortably, blankets clutched to her chest as she admired Hoseok’s body stretched beside her, unabashedly naked.

“Good?” she asked with a wide grin to show her own answer.

Hoseok matched hers, “Yeah, good. Very good. Always good. Are you staying the night?”

“Uh… I want to but…” She grabbed her phone, which had buzzed right in the middle. She’d had a suspicion that proved to be true: her mom wanted to know when she’d be home. “Well this is going to be annoying…”

“What is?”

“Talking to my mom about the fact I spend the night at my boyfriend’s house sometimes…”

“Oh.” He grimaced. “I didn’t think about that. Is that going to be a problem?”

“It better not be. I’m a grown up!”

“Yeah and you used to live with a guy,” Hoseok pointed out.

“Sure but I wasn’t having sex with him,” she giggled right over the shock that Hoseok would casually mention that sore spot right now. “I’d better go home tonight so I can clarify boundaries before it’s a fight… besides, you work tomorrow don’t you?”

“Not until eight.”

“I don’t want to wake up alone in your bed,” she playfully pouted.

“Yeah it would be hard to leave you alone and naked in my bed,” he agreed, reaching down to kiss her shoulder.

She let out a deep sigh.

“Ok, here I go.”

It still took her fifteen minutes to pull herself from the warmth of his bed, and pee, and dress. She dreaded this talk with her parents even though it had to happen. She couldn’t never spend the night with her boyfriend again just because she was living at home. She was twenty-six now!

Shuffling to her car in the chilly September air to go back to her childhood bedroom after great sex felt all kinds of wrong, but she was happy despite that. This inconvenience would only be temporary. The future had never looked happier and calmer than when she was around Hoseok. She felt more confident in herself, like she was really growing up, making major decisions in her own self-interest, facing any troubles head on, doing what was best. Now, since she didn’t pay rent, she could even build up a savings account! So mature! So adult!

When she left though, and sat in her car, and drove home, that feeling of temporary crept back up. That sense she was waiting for something nudged her in the spine again. Waiting for what? This was it! This was her new normal! She thought maybe her brain was still adjusting to that truth, that being away from her apartment and Jungkook was not just a temporary state but a permanent one. That the arm was really gone, not just asleep.

There might be a shock when that finally set in. But ok. She’d get through that too. Alex 2.0 was on top of her shit and ready to face the world with Hoseok by her side!

Too bad he couldn’t be by her side as she explained to her parents she was twenty-six and sometimes wanted to sleep overnight with her boyfriend after they fucked. Obviously in very very different words than that…

Jungkook craned his neck to watch for the first step as he carried his last box of shit up to the second bedroom in Namjoon’s house. The movers had hauled his stuff over yesterday but since he’d rolled to a monthly lease that went to the end of the month, he still had a week to get the last of his things out. Not that he was dragging his feet or anything because he’d already spent too long alone in that crappy empty apartment. He’d hand-carried the last of his things today. He would schedule the final walkthrough and turn over the key next week. Moving was a pain in the dick, that was all.

He chucked the last box into the pile against the wall, patted Doggo’s head, and then went downstairs where Namjoon stood at the kitchen counter waiting.

“Ok, here’s your key and your garage door opener,” Namjoon said, tapping the counter beside them. “Um… what else…”

“Any more ground rules?” Jungkook asked with a grin. There had been no shortage of discussion once the hangovers after Jungkook’s party wore off and they both recalled that Namjoon had said Jungkook could move in with him. Shockingly, Namjoon didn’t take it back. Though there had been many subsequent conversations about “what was fair” as roommates –what the bills were, when to be quiet, how to clean. “What’s important to you as a roommate?” Namjoon had asked him and Jungkook had just stared at him blankly, no answer in mind. He’d just figured it out with Alex. Back in college, he’d figured it out with Taehyung and Jimin. He wasn’t really a premeditated kind of guy.

Jungkook had braced himself for Namjoon to say something about “visitor policy” or something but it hadn’t come up. The house had two full bathrooms and their rooms were at separate ends of the hall so maybe it wouldn’t be an issue, if Jungkook starting bring girls over all the time or whatever. Which he was totally, absolutely going to do.

“No,” Namjoon said. “No no. I’m sure we can talk through anything that comes up.”

“Yeah, so what were you thinking about the housewarming rager?” Jungkook asked with a playful grin. “I work Friday and Saturday so I was thinking Sunday night–”

“Yeah ok you can do that after you mow the lawn.”

“Ya, did you just let me move in to be your manservant?” Jungkook laughed.

Namjoon was all grins too and Jungkook felt his moving-day tension ease as Namjoon assured him, “No no, you’re helping me out a lot actually.”

“I am?”

“What, you thought I’m just doing this to be a good friend?”

“Well… yeah…”

“Damn, really? You think that highly of me?” Namjoon laughed. He pulled two beers out of the fridge, offering them with a gesture; Jungkook accepted with a nod and made a mental note to buy the next case.

“I know we’re both kind of nervous about how our uh, different styles will mesh,” Namjoon admitted. “But we’re friends, we can figure it out. It’s hard to go from living with someone to then living alone –I had to do that too. And uh… I don’t know, it’s kind of lonely being alone for the first time. I don’t like it as much as I expected to. It’s depressing having to do everything on my own around here. And also way more expensive than I expected.”

“Yeah, I can see that…” His own monthly bills would be a bit higher now; savings in some areas since Namjoon owned, losses in others since this place was bigger and nicer than what he’d been living in with Alex. He could afford it but, well, it was probably good he didn’t need that Europe trip fund anymore.

“So yeah, make yourself at home. If something comes up, I don’t know, just bring it up with me and we’ll talk through it like grown ass adults.”

“Yeah No problem. And seriously, dude, thanks for letting me move in here. The thought of trying to get used to a new roommate I don’t know shit about…”

“Yeah, I remember. I know. Hey, if we’d made different choices in life, maybe this is where we would have been starting after college!”

“Yeah, that’s a way to think about it,” Jungkook agreed.

What Jungkook had appreciated about Namjoon from the start was that he’d never once said anything like dude you’re making too big of a deal, she’s just your friend who moved out. After drunkenly blabbing his bullshit to waaaay too many people at his birthday party until basically everyone knew the whole sob story, he’d braced himself for the teasing, even if his friends meant it lovingly. Instead he could see the careful way his close friends tried to be helpful, and he was really touched by it. Whether that was Namjoon letting him move in, Taehyung scheduling more frequent game sessions, Jimin inviting him over for dinner more often and only asking him to cook half the time. Yes, it all made him feel a little pathetic, but he appreciated their intentions. He didn’t need them to go so out of their way to avoid mentioning Alex but he was also a little grateful for it.

But outside his core circle of friends, he found the “support” a little harder to endure. He thought going out with people a lot would keep him distracted instead of counting the days. It looked good on his Instagram too, in case she happened to be watching; she hadn’t unfollowed him, though she wasn’t posting lately either. But he’d quickly discovered that at the whiff of heartbreak, most people became absolutely well-intentioned assholes. He didn’t just volunteer the information but if it got (easily) dragged out of him (because sometimes talking about it felt like a string still connected them and this was all just a temporary bump), they would inevitably say something like Oh hey, I’ve got a friend I can introduce you to or geez she sounds like a bitch, you’re better off or better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

“Hey, do you think it’s true, that saying about ‘it’s better to have loved and lost–’”

“Nah, it’s bullshit,” Namjoon chuckled as he led the way to the living room. With nothing better to do, Jungkook followed. He sank into one of the two chairs, both positioned so they could look out the windows on either side of the fireplace. Namjoon had a bird feed out there and some little brown things were hopping around chowing down.

“Yeah…”

“I just think it’s trying to stack-rank two things that both suck. Why do people get so competitive about establishing this is better or worse than that? It’s lemons to oranges, they aren’t the same thing even though they’re related. Being lonely sucks but so does having your heart fucked. Not convincing anyone you’re a catch sucks but so does someone thinking you are and then changing their mind, you aren’t worth learning to compromise or whatever… I don’t know. It all sucks.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook agreed. It sucked a little bit less though to hear Namjoon say that. “People keep telling me time heals all wounds, shit like that.”

“Oh yeah. I got uh, ‘there’s more fish in the sea’ so many fucking times.”

“Yeah! But I don’t want time to heal the wound, I want the girl to heal the wound,” Jungkook argued.

“Yeah I didn’t want another fish, I liked the fish I had…. At least for a while. Now I’m over it. But it’s hard when you’re hurting; it feels like no one has ever hurt like you before. So I understand what people mean, they mean well. No one invents heartbreak and it’s hard to watch people hurting so you try to find something to say to make it hurt a little less when the truth is that it just takes time. But we’re conditioned not to want to see people suffer.”

“You think that part’s conditioned or natural?”

“God I’m so glad you moved in,” Namjoon laughed and let his head fall back and kicked his feet up on a little ottoman

“I’m just curious what you think…”

“I don’t think you get enough credit– well probably it’s your own fault. Your instagram doesn’t scream intellectual.”

Jungkook laughed, “Don’t slutshame me, man! I don’t know that I’m an intellectual, I just think sometimes… maybe not enough…” He thought of late night conversations with Alex –drunk, high, or maybe just sleepy. He’d felt understood. With her gone, he worried he’d never feel understood again. One night stands weren’t usually trying to.

But Namjoon understood some of him. Jimin understood some other parts. Taehyung too.

“Oh hey you know what else you can help me with, I just got that record player working again –Yoongi helped me. Ah, is he a bad topic…”

“Nah, it’s fine. What can I help you with?”

“My vinyl collection is small. I want to go thrift store hunting for more, fill up a whole one of those bookcases. You’ve got good music taste, you can help me out, yeah?”

To say Jungkook was flattered was a massive understatement.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

And it did! It genuinely did sound great. Life with Namjoon in his nice house with his minimal but simple and mature decor would be different than his starter home with Alex, but this could be ok. Hopefully eventually he would feel more like he fit in here. Right now he couldn’t imagine any of his stuff spreading throughout the house or what it was going to actually be like when he was in and out or how Namjoon was going to handle it if Jungkook didn’t keep things exactly the way he wanted him to but he’d figure it out. Of course he felt like a guest right now, he hadn’t even spent his first night here yet. Namjoon was clearly going out of his way to make him feel welcome.

He had really good friends. Maybe Alex wasn’t the only one he hadn’t verbalized enough appreciation for.

“I really appreciate you letting me move in here, man.”

“Stop saying that,” Namjoon laughed. “You’re welcome here. Mi casa es su casa. Just relax and watch the birds.”

“What’s that little black and white one?” he asked. There were a lot of them and it reminded him of Alex.

He had to stop thinking of Alex all the time. It had been almost a month since she moved out. He was still seeing her in a fucking bird, that couldn’t be healthy, right? Time to stop.

He couldn’t stop thinking of Alex. He still thought about her every single day. He didn’t want that to stop so he needed to learn to live with it, that’s what Namjoon had just said and he trusted Namjoon’s advice more than anyone’s. Time, it would just take time, that’s what Namjoon had said.

“That’s a chickadee,” Namjoon snickered. “It’s the most common bird. You don’t know what a chickadee is? God I have so much to teach you about domestic suburban life…”

“Sorry man, I was too busy catching other kinds of chicks.”

“Uh huh.”

“But yeah, teach me about the backyard birds. What’s that black and white one with the red head?”

“You’re trolling me, right? You…everyone knows what a woodpecker is…”

“Pecker? Damn whoever named these birds was kind of horny, huh?”

“Ornithologists.”

“Horny-thologists?”

Namjoon grabbed the small decorative pillow from his chair and launched it at Jungkook; he barely had time to move his beer so it wouldn’t spill, barking out a complaint.

“Isn’t your dick what got you into trouble in the first place?” Namjoon insisted.

“Actually no, my lack of self awareness did.”

Namjoon spluttered with laughter and it made Jungkook laugh too.

“Lack of self-aware– My ex-wife said the same damn thing about me,” Namjoon admitted. “We’ll be all right, JK.

“Yeah I mean there are plenty of birds in the yard,” Jungkook agreed. “Better to have fed and flown away than never to have shat on the feeder that fed you–”

“Stop stop, where is this coming from?”

“Oh shit did heartbreak actually break me? Am I poetic now?”

“You might be poetic now,” Namjoon laughed. “You should write these down!”

“No I shouldn’t, they’re really bad jokes.”

“They’re funny to me.”

“Namjoon, man, you may not be as smart as everyone thinks you are.”

Namjoon was really squirming, he was laughing so hard. The birds in the yard startled and a bunch flew away –but not the chickadees. They just kept going about their business, snarfing down the birdseed while all the scaredy-birds scattered. But within a few minutes, when nothing else startled them, the other birds came back. Ok, maybe Alex looked like a chickadee but she acted more like whatever those other things were. And if he didn’t scare her and just waited very still and patient, maybe she’d come back. And if she didn’t ever, maybe by then he’d have learned to live without her.

“What are those other ones?” he asked Namjoon. “The ones that came back?”

“White-breasted nuthatch–”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Ok how do I sign up to name birds, since any idiot can come up with this shit. I’m going to name that one a Cockenspiel–”

“That’s a grackle.”

“GRACKLE.”

Someday he was going to have Alex in stitches laughing at these bird names. Right now, Namjoon would do.

“Ok let’s see what records you've got so far, what are you missing? We should go to garage sales too, I bet old people sell good shit like that.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

But they didn’t rush to look at the records. It was nice, just sitting and watching the birds. Not needing to think or feel or do a single thing, just watching the little fluffs eat.

“Ok what about that cute fluffy gray one?”

“I really don’t want to answer that.”

“Joon…”

“It’s a um… it’s a tit. It’s a titmouse…”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“Look these are just backyard birds, they don’t even have the horniest names! Look it up on your phone, I think there are even worse ones– hold on, I’ll look it up…”

Ok. Time was passing and maybe he could do this, one dumb bird at a time.

For two people who had not been married, the deep links of their life continued to surface in unexpected and incredibly annoying ways over time. At first, every few days she noticed something she’d left behind, or something of Jungkook’s she had accidentally thrown in the box –she’d found three of his shirts but the thought of returning them was mortifying in case he thought she’d taken them on purpose, but also she wanted her ceiling projector back which was probably still in his bedroom. They shared streaming services which were all in his name because he’d gotten a discount through work and she spent an afternoon writing down what episode she was on in everything and then couldn’t bring herself to sign up fresh for her own accounts on anything yet. They shared a Google calendar which she had to uninstall from all of her devices so she wouldn’t get reminders of his work shifts because apparently he was still using it and she dreaded the day “Jungkook Pussy Appointment” would pop up on her phone. Several times she accidentally sent packages to the old address and had to sneak into the mailroom to get them; after about two weeks she went to Jimin and In’am’s for dinner and they delivered her a stack of mail Jungkook had passed along. That one hurt a lot because couldn’t he just text her that he had a stack and she could swing by–

But maybe he wasn’t comfortable. Maybe he was making a point of giving her the space she’d asked for. Maybe he was sulking. He’d never responded to her happy birthday message so it was possible he just hated her too.

Of all the bills, the one she dragged her feet on the most though was the phone bill. Alex had been on Jungkook’s phone plan for the last three years, once her parents kicked her off and she and Jungkook realized a family plan would be cheaper, especially with his Verizon employee discount. She wasn’t sure what it would take to roll her number off to its own plan and she dreaded the monthly increase and also doing phone things was just annoying. It had been awesome to just roll into the store last time she needed one and Jungkook did all the things and handed her the phone with the best deals and off she went.

In September, she just Venmoed him her half of the monthly bill like she always did with the note: sorry I’ll get off your plan quick!

She did not get off his plan quick. He accepted the money without comment, no response back, though did transfer her $30 back with for the groceries you left. She thought about trying to return the security deposit again, because she felt guilty she’d left him with so little time to find a roommate. She didn’t know if he’d found one yet. She wasn’t totally avoiding their friends, but she’s only seen Rebekah and Minxi on their own and texted a little with Jimin, and she felt like everyone made a point of not saying anything, not asking anything.

Then she started feeling guilty in case he didn’t realize he was suddenly going to have to pay for the streaming services on his own, so she transferred him half of that too: hey I’m rolling off now, make your new roommate help pay but didn’t want to leave you in a lurch.

He sent it back: it’s $7. I’ll be fine.

She thought his tone was kind of salty and decided that maybe it wasn’t cute to send him these little things. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed space. She had, after all, possibly broken his heart. Possibly not. But possibly? It was a major factor in moving out, after all. It was hard to watch someone you loved be with someone else and if he loved her so much that he couldn’t keep it to himself while she had a happy relationship, she didn’t want to put him through watching her be happy.

So she didn’t send him any money for anything else, but also just kind of forgot about it until October when she suddenly remembered the bill would be due again soon and she had not rolled onto her own account. Probably she would have put it off another month and just sent him the money, lazy because he hadn’t demanded she get off or kicked her off himself yet. But then at work she spilled a whole carafe of milk on her pants, and then when trying to clean it up with the case off, she’d kind of accidentally thrown it –look, it was a panicked clumsy mistake, but the screen protector had already been shattered and didn’t save it now, so the screen itself shattered. Plus no matter how well she cleaned it, the whole thing smelled like sour milk within hours. And since she had to transfer off his account anyway, she realized she needed to just go into the store and hope the folks there would recognize her and not press her for account authorization information she didn’t have.

But obviously she wasn’t going to go alone, just in case she did run into Jungkook. She was going to take Hoseok but realized that would turn the mall trip into many hours and anyway he was working the afternoon shift on her free day. She used Siri on her phone to call Rebekah, the one friend she knew would pick up the phone and not just demand to know why she was calling instead of texting. Even though she’d had to endure Rebekah’s teasing, “Does the Sabbath mean nothing to you? You’re lucky I’ll still go shopping… just don’t tell my parents.”

Alex felt like an asshole to not have thought about it, though Rebekah was sometimes loose with which traditions she kept. In this instance, Alex was infinitely grateful for the flexibility. Rebekah’s presence with her at the mall was just what she’d needed.

“We went on three dates but..”

“Oh, not good?” Alex asked as Rebekah caught her up on the things she’d missed in the last five weeks, starting with her own life. Somehow that five weeks felt both very long and like no time at all.

“No he was just kind of… just nothing to him. He had no personality,” Rebekah lamented. “Everything I asked him about, his answer was just ‘well what kind of dessert do you like?’ Look I do not want to make 98% of the decisions in a relationship, I need someone with opinions, and with preferences, and needs.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Alex nodded along, trying not to accidentally make eye contact with anyone as she held the ball of a lollipop in her cheek. She felt like a small child but when they’d passed the candy store right by the front entrance, she’d felt an undeniable need for a cotton candy flavored blue lollipop. There was something about being in a mall when she hadn’t been in it for several months that made her want to do all sorts of stupid mall things. She almost asked Rebekah if she wanted to get soft pretzels too but stopped herself in time because not only did it give her stomach a painful twist thinking of Jungkook, she also remembered the mall ones weren’t kosher, which Rebekah had already mentioned she was keeping more strictly again, motivated by so many recent Jewish holidays with her family.

Honestly, Alex admired her faith and her dedication to it. She wished she was that dedicated to anything. Sure she felt her Chinese heritage threaded through many parts of her life, and she enjoyed a lot of traditional holidays and customs with her family, but it wasn’t quite the same, she thought, as embodying a practice daily the way Rebekah did. There wasn’t really anything she embodied daily: not even drinking water and eating healthy, though she’d started going on Baba’s daily walks with him if she was around. Mostly to get her parents off her back because if she wasn’t with Hoseok, she was basically just hanging around the house which they were far more judgmental about than her previous roommate.

“How’s living at home?” Rebekah asked her once she seemed adequately vented about her disappointing dating life.

“Eh…”

“Sorry, should I not have asked–”

“No, it’s fine, don’t make that part of it awkward. It just feels like moving out was this big step into adulthood and going home is a step backwards and my parents don’t know how to treat me because am I an adult or am I not? If I’m not paying rent or bills, aren’t I just their daughter again? And it’s hard to put my foot down when I’m living off them, you know?”

“What don’t they like?”

“I expected it but… it’s awkward if I stay over at Hoseok’s. The first time it happened I let them know I was staying out and my mom basically didn’t talk to me the next day.”

“But… you used to live with a guy… I thought they were all progressive–”

“They are! I don’t think my mom was disgusted, I think she was just awkward. Like she felt like she ought to say I can’t do that but I’m a grown up. I mean, what’s the worst that happens, Hobi knocks me up and I get married? They love him, I don’t think they’d be mad about that,” Alex laughed.

“Wow, really? Already?”

“Wait, I’m not saying that’ll happen! We’ve only been dating for like… coming up on six months soon, yikes. Anyway, it’s just that, it’s awkward. They don’t know how to ask if I’m going to be home or not and I try to be funny about ‘hey don’t wait up for me’ but then I’ll get text messages at midnight still asking when I’ll be home. And my mom doesn’t like how much time I spend sitting around watching TV.”

“What does she want you doing? It’s not like you aren’t doing anything. You have a good job and a good boyfriend.”

“I know!” Alex cried, throwing her hands up. “I wish you were my mom,” she joked.

“I don’t but thanks, I guess?”

“She thinks I’m getting too fat and she’s worried I don’t have any friends anymore because of breaking up with Jungkook.”

“Well that’s not true, you have me!”

“That’s what I said. You should come to dinner soon. Um… we’ll order food, our kitchen is definitely not kosher… but hey I think it would be great to introduce my parents to other food–”

Rebekah literally patted her head, “Thanks. I’d be happy to come visit and prove to your parents you aren’t a complete loner freak and that you’re actually a moderately capable adult.”

“Ugh.”

“Speaking of which, are you ready for me to hold your hand while we talk to a scary employee about how to fix your phone? Do I need to be ready to cause a distraction in case we run into Jungkook? Both very mature fears, I assure you–”

“You’ve gotten so mean in five weeks,” Alex laughed. “Wasn’t one of those holidays about penance?”

Rebekah laughed and nudged her into the Verizon store.

And honestly, Alex did not feel like a mature, capable adult. She was glad Rebekah was with her. The sight of smarmy dudes in denim button ups and black slacks made her instantly aware she had entered his territory, even though he’d still been wearing the polo and khakis when she moved out. Seasonal uniform change, maybe? Actually it was a little less douchey looking, but she avoided picturing him in it and he wouldn’t be here to give a visual anyway. He was still using the Google calendar, which was kind of soft to her even though it just meant he either hadn’t thought of making his own calendar or was too lazy, so she’d been able to confirm he wasn’t working today. Still, she glanced around every employee to make sure he wasn’t one of them.

She startled when a woman approached, nametag Geneva, and asked what she could help them with.

“I busted my phone so I need the screen fixed. Probably I need a whole new phone. And I need to roll off the family plan I’m on right now to my own.”

“Ok, we can definitely help you with all that! Nate… Yes, Nate will help you.”

Alex was handed off to this other guy who she was pretty sure was the stupid guy Jungkook had always complained about. She did not mention that. Instead she answered more questions like that she needed the cheapest good phone possible, that she needed the cheapest solo plan possible, and that the name on the account was Jungkook Jeon.

“Wait, wha?” Nate asked, eyes going wide.

“Yeah, I know he works here–”

“Well then why did you come in now? He’s not on right now, he could hook you up with all of this.”

Geneva had walked away but doubled back at Jungkook’s name and now Alex realized maybe she should have gone to literally any other Verizon store in the world. Why had she come here?!

“Wait, you’re Jungkook’s roommate?” Geneva asked.

“Um… yeah, I was, but I’m living somewhere else now so I need to get off his family plan.”

Nate was typing into his little employee tablet thing and said, “Well… you’re due for an upgrade on the device, that’s the best deal you’ll get but that’s only if you extend the current plan.”

“I… no, I need to get onto my own plan.”

“Is he paying your phone bill now?” Geneva asked, head tilting. It was such a weird and personal question that Alex also tilted her head and found herself wondering if Jungkook had fucked this woman. Which annoyed her. Because how gross, to have her first thought be did Jungkook fuck this woman and that’s why she’s asking me this weird question because she developed some sort of an attachment to him even if they only had a fling and she wants to know what my business is with him? Or hey, for all she knew, Jungkook had done other shocking things since then and was dating this chick now!

Alex tried to sound like a competent adult and answered, “He is and he shouldn’t be since we live separately now. What’s the best deal I can get for rolling onto my own account?”

“Hm, well… there’s a…” Nate trailed off, scrolling through things. “There is a new account discount with a new device but the discount isn’t as big.”

“Isn’t that kind of weird? Why would I get a bigger discount for staying than as a new customer?”

“Because if we only gave good deals to new customers, people would just bounce,” Geneva pointed out. Was it snippy? It felt snippy to Alex. She looked around for confirmation from Rebekah, but her dear friend who was supposed to support her here had wandered over to watch parents wrangling a toddler throwing a tantrum outside the shop.

“Ok well will I get a better deal than this if I go over to T-mobile?”

“Doubtful and your service will suck,” Nate said.

With a deep sigh because she knew he was right and it had been a reason she’d moved to Jungkook’s Verizon account in the first place, she said, “OK, whatever. Just give me the best deal you can. Make sure it’s something Jungkook would be ok with you doing to me.”

“Are you moving in with that new guy?” Nate asked. Alex laughed at the shock of the question, at first certain she’d misheard him.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask a customer about their private life and also what the hell was he telling you about it?!”

Apparently Nate thought they were buddies now though, because he grinned, “Yeah, I got to hear all about it.”

Geneva scowled at Nate, “Make sure you get the right permissions to make changes to the account though.” Then she walked off. Alex felt like she was missing half of the conversation but it didn’t matter. Probably the woman was in love with Jungkook; who wasn’t? She just needed her phone changed.

Nate nodded, “Yeah, if you want to keep your number I’ll need permission from the primary account holder. Looks like he didn’t give you permission to make changes to the account.”

“That ass,” she tried to joke. “It’s because he just dealt with all the phone stuff.”

“If you can answer security questions it might let me bypass, or we can just call him.”

“What are the security questions?” Alex sighed.

“Uh… where did you and your spouse first meet? He doesn’t have a spouse,” Nate snickered.

Alex ignored the painful cramp in her chest as she guessed, “Ashborne. With an ‘e’ on the end.”

“Uh… yep. Ok, now I need– do you know the pin he put on the account?”

Alex didn’t answer at first, hearing delayed as she tried to not shut down at what was stupid and casual and didn’t mean anything: Ashborne was their hometown. She was the fake spouse. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a joke; maybe they had even joked about it at the time. They made jokes like that sometimes, back in the day, that they were an old married couple. At some point it had stopped being funny, maybe once Alex got tired of being his wife only in jokes, never in any real way– Not that she wanted to be his wife! But the idea of her being his wife as the butt of a joke constantly just got old, especially when part of the joke was that obviously she wasn’t ever going to be his actual wife because she wasn’t romantic or sexual or whatever, she was just the one at home doing the cooking and cleaning while he ran around fucking mistresses or whatever.

But he’d set this phone account up longer ago than that. He’d been on his own plan since he turned eighteen because his parents didn’t want to pay for the data he needed for all the mobile gaming he used to do. How long ago had he set this security question?

It didn’t matter. What it meant could be anything. He had claimed to be in love with her a month and a half ago so some random security question referencing a casual joke shouldn’t fluster her like this.

“I don’t know the pin,” she admitted. “So I guess um… what are my options? I just buy a new phone with a new number and he’ll have to close this one down?”

Nate waved her frustration off, because she didn’t want to change her number, “We can just call him and he can give me permission to free up the number and I can roll it over to the new account. Ok, do you know what phone you want? Let’s get that done first.”

He had to walk her through a bunch. Actually he was pretty nice about it considering she didn’t know anything about phones. He seemed to take it seriously that she was a friend of Jungkook’s and steered her away from unnecessary features. Jungkook had talked about this guy like he was a total idiot but he seemed nice to her. He even managed to find the teal blue version of the phone she wanted, the last one, in the back.

“Ok, why don’t you call him and he can just tell me the PIN and permission over the phone,” Nate suggested. “He has to release the number first and then I can set you up.”

“Uh…” Alex froze. Rebekah had wandered closer and she looked at Rebekah and asked, “Could you, um… call Jungkook?”

“Me?!”

“I can’t, my phone doesn’t work,” she pointed out, holding her hands up.

“You can call him on my phone,” Rebekah suggested.

“Wait, I don’t want to talk to–”

“I’m not explaining this to him,” Rebekah argued.

Nate looked between them and asked, “What’s uh… the problem? You can call him with our phone…”

“Why don’t you call him?” Alex suggested, smiling and resting her arms on the table, which was a little too low to do elegantly, even for her. “I don’t know all the things you’re needing so you can just ask him yourself.”

“Why, are you avoiding him or something?” Nate asked. With a neutral smile that was either totally fake or totally brainless.

Alex’s eyes narrowed, “What did he tell you?”

“Nothing. We don’t talk about customers, ma’am.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “What did he tell you?!”

But Nate had pulled up his own phone and held it to his ear and held a finger up that he was on a call. Surely Jungkook hadn’t told a random co-worker about the whole confession and space thing… surely he’d just said that Alex was moving out or something because she had her boyfriend? Nate said Jungkook had told him that, but surely not everything. Not that it mattered in the grand scheme of things but… but maybe Nate wasn’t giving her a good deal!

“Hey JK, listen, I’ve got a customer here who’s on your account and she’s wanting to roll over to her own but she doesn’t have permission to– yep. Yeah, her. How many ladies you got on your account, bro? I’m joking,” Nate grinned at her, “I see it’s only the two lines.”

Rebekah and Alex shared a look; Rebekah covered her mouth not to laugh and Alex glared at the traitor.

Suddenly he hung up and said, “He said he’ll be right here.”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah apparently he’s on his way in–”

“He’s not supposed to be working today,” she said to Rebekah, grabbing her arm.

And her dear friend rolled her eyes, “Come on, be an adult.”

And that hurt! Because Alex was being an adult! She’d come here to do her own phone thing and figure that out, she just had hoped not to run into Jungkook because… for reasons…

He walked in right as she looked at the door, wearing a white t shirt tucked into the black slacks, his denim button up slung over his arm and a coffee in the other hand. First time Alex had seen him since she moved out. Same face, same hair, same big dark eyes, same nose, same familiar Jungkook who she’d seen most days of her life until five weeks ago. Six? Something?

Truth be told, which she would never admit, her stomach did a very painful twisty thing and her chest felt like it inflated and relief melted her and shock put her on edge and she just felt like that was maybe not a normal way to react to seeing your old friend again. Like that was not how she’d felt after seeing Rebekah again after a few years apart. That wasn’t how she’d felt seeing her parents when she’d come home from college the first time.

Honestly, the thing it felt closest to was the first time she’d seen Yoongi after they broke up. That same twist of pain and regret and anger and distress and impossible longing. For friendship! Friend longing!

“Hey,” he said, and the smile was in his eyes before it reached his mouth. “Heard you’re bailing on our family plan?”

“Trying to,” she forced out.

“Uh… ok…” He pursed his lips and then admitted, “It’s going to be more expensive for each of us but I get it.”

“I know but I need a new phone.”

“What happened to it? It’s not that old.”

She gestured to it on the counter and explained, “Took a swim in milk and then I uh, kind of threw it on accident and the screen shattered and it smells real funky…”

“You’re up for a renewal and she could get a new one,” Nate tattled, “I told her it’s cheaper to stay than to go.”

Jungkook actually laughed, a sort of below the breath snort, and then greeted, “Hey Rebekah, should have known you were an accomplice.”

“What? Me?! I’m just here for moral support!”

“Oh, am I that scary?” he joked.

Alex intervened, “No, I just don’t know shit about phones, you always handled it.”

“Yeah. What are you getting?” He glanced at the box and seemed to deem it fine, then said, “I really don’t care if you stay on the plan and you can keep venmoing me money but I get it if you want to roll off. Up to you.”

“That’s weird though. If I stayed on.”

“It’s a $10 difference a month, it’s not a big deal either way,” Jungkook told her. “Hundred twenty bucks a year… renewing will save you like… does it work out to $200 savings on the new phone? Fifty buck difference to just getting your own plan.” Jungkook asked Nate, who looked impressed. Clearly Jungkook knew his shit at work. But obviously he did, Alex knew that, he was a really good employee.

“Ok but I still should do it.”

“Ok, that’s fine, I just wanted you to know if you want to save the money you don’t have to– You need me to release the number?” Jungkook asked Nate, not waiting for her to confirm it again. He recited a pin number for Nate –0901, which she should have been able to guess–, looked over Nate’s shoulder, then nodded.

“Ok I’ve got a bunch of questions I’ll need to ask you now,” Nate warned her. “And I’ll have to run a quick credit check and–”

“Wait, what? A credit check?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal, it won’t ding your credit or anything.”

“Ok…”

Jungkook patted Nate’s arm, “I’m going to clock in, I’ll be back in case you need anything else from me–”

“Wait a minute,” Alex said without thinking. Then, to cover that she didn’t know why she’d said that, she added, “Why are you even working today? I thought you, uh–”

“Ah, you checked so you could try to avoid me.”

“No! I… maybe…” His crooked grin was annoying. She worried she was hurting him by doing this even though it was the right thing to do. She worried he was hurt rather than understanding about her trying to avoid him. She worried she had lost some of her immunity to that smile; she felt a space between them that had never existed before and she didn’t like it, even though she knew it was right.

“I just didn’t want you to be upset about the uh, phone thing…”

“Nah, it’s fine, I get it. Uh… how are you doing otherwise? Both of you?” he asked between the two of them.

Rebekah nodded and smiled, “Mm-hm! Great!”

“Yeah. Yeah, things are um, good. How are you doing?”

“Really good,” he told her, and smiled from the other side of the canyon. “Living with your parents going ok?”

“Yeah, mostly… I mean, you know, it’s kinda weird but kinda nice. I see your parents a lot.”

“Yeah, I know, more than I do,” he laughed. “They told me you’re a more dutiful son right now.”

“You don’t have to stay away from family dinners or anything.”

“Yeah, you either. Or friend gatherings or anything,” he insisted. “I hope you aren’t just to avoid me.”

“No, of course not,” she lied. “Things aren’t like that.”

“Yeah, I mean you can’t just give me everyone in the divorce, I did not agree to that.”

She laughed but hated the sound of it and stopped as she assured him, “Right, sorry, I’ll stop being such an absent parent. Support payments must not be clearing… I’ve just been busy, that’s all, we’ll be at a thing together again soon. I mean at the same time.”

“I knew what you meant,” he assured her. Nose scrunch. “I’ve gotta clock in, I’m covering for someone. Didn’t put it on the calendar since I didn’t realize you were still checking–”

“No, I’m really not, I just–”

“It’s cool. I get it. It’s not like I go to your coffee shop either. K, I gotta go. Nate, hook her up or I’m stealing your customers.”

“I am!” Nate complained. “You’re the one keeping me from getting her account set up right now.”

“Good to see you!” Jungkook called over his shoulder with a weird sort of over-the-shoulder salute, thumb and first two fingers extended, something between a wave and a peace sign and a thumb’s up. She’d seen him do that before. A casual goodbye to guy friends, that was how he used that.

Fuck she sighed under her breath and turned her full attention to Nate so they could wrap up.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Rebekah said and abandoned her.

Alex felt like she might shit her pants for the rest of the appointment that now felt like it was taking a thousand years. Jungkook’s shift started while she was still stuck there, which meant she could hear his voice and sense his presence as he greeted a young couple and worked with them at a nearby counter. He sounded so professional, so charming in a non-skeevy way. She’d never actually just heard him working before and wondered if he was laying it on thick because she was there, and realized he probably was not and did not care that she was there. From what she could see, the whole thing was behind him. He was so unbothered, he didn’t mind if she stayed on his phone plan. If he loved her, wouldn’t that be excruciating?

She lit out of there without even a wave as soon as her new phone was set up, and was just about to call Rebekah and demand evacuation rescue when her friend sidled up to her again and handed her a soft pretzel.

“They aren’t kosher!” Alex gasped and Rebekah assured her, “I just wanted a coke, thought you could use a snack.”

“Thank you, I forgive you for abandoning me.”

“Abandoning you! I thought you were doing fine! Nate had you taken care of, Jungkook made sure of it. New phone all set?”

Alex started to walk so no one in Verizon store could watch the way she was about to deep throat this pretzel. No cheese but that was fine, cheese would slow her down.

“Yes and I survived talking to Jungkook.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“No, I know,” Alex said, instantly flushed at feeling like Rebekah was saying she was dramatic and stupid. “I just meant… it’s kind of awkward and I hadn’t seen him in a long time, that’s all. Since…”

“I don’t think you need to feel awkward about anything,” Rebekah assured her.

“I just feel bad, you know?”

“Because he told you he was in love with you and you don’t feel the same?” Rebekah bluntly demanded. Alex had not directly said that to anyone but apparently Jungkook had blabbed some details about it at the birthday party while drunk. According to Minxi, the common knowledge was that he had admitted he thought he had feelings for Alex but she wasn’t interested and didn't feel comfortable living with him anymore so she moved out. Which was harsh, but mostly true… just like it was kind of true what Jungkook had said, that maybe she was avoiding more than just him. She just felt like some of them were more Jungkook’s friends than hers, or that they wouldn’t understand why she didn’t just ditch the outsider and give a relationship with Jungkook a shot. Would they? She was afraid to ask. But she’d always felt like they doted on him, like he was their baby brother, like he could get away with murder, and now she was someone not giving him what he allegedly wanted. She’d rather not set herself up to get kicked out.

“Yeah….”

“I don’t think you need to feel bad about that, you should just make sure you aren’t making a bigger deal out of it than you need to.”

“You mean– what do you mean?” Alex asked skeptically and then shoved pretzel into her mouth.

“I mean ok you moved out, that’s fine, if you weren’t comfortable. But if you’re avoiding everyone–”

“I’m not,” she lied, mouth full of lying pretzel.

“Ok, well don’t. Especially since…”

Alex choked the bite down and asked, “Especially since what?”

“I don’t know… ok I didn’t know whether I should say anything because I don’t know if it’s true but I don’t know if I’m a better friend to tell you or not to tell you… but since you aren’t in love with him back, maybe I should tell you because maybe it’ll help you not feel bad and–”

“Uh you definitely have to tell me whatever you’re now being incredibly cryptic about,” Alex interjected. She felt the pretzel rising back up her throat. “What are you talking about right now?”

“It’s not something I know for sure so I don’t want to gossip but I especially don’t want to hurt you…”

“You’re not, but it’s a bad friend thing to keep secrets–”

“Ok…”

Alex grabbed her arm and plopped down on a mall bench and stared into her soul while chewing furiously on the pretzel. “You got gossip? I love gossip. Lay it on me,” she said, hoping casual would do the trick.

“I just think… he might be dating someone…”

Alex was pretty sure the next three seconds were an out of body experience.

“Oh?” she asked with a voice that was not hers. “Why do you think that? He’s bringing someone around? Like just a new roommate or–”

“Well, you know he’s living with Namjoon now and–”

“Wait, what?! He moved out of the apartment?!”

“Um…”

“Sorry, sorry go on,” Alex insisted. It was shocking that her plan to cut herself out of the loop and disengage with information her friends might share meant she was out of the loop and unaware of the information her friends might have shared.

“Yeah he moved in with Namjoon a few weeks ago. He was introducing this woman around at your joint birthday party, the one you missed, but I didn’t know if they came together, but then I definitely saw them leave together and also– well he might have left with two girls? But he was really drunk, I don’t know… Anyway, I guess he’s hanging out with this one girl a lot though and it just was interesting to me because usually he doesn’t hang out with the same woman right? I wasn’t at Namjoon’s party so I don’t know if he brought her to that. I noticed you didn’t go–.”

“Two women!?”

“Ok I don’t know if he took two home, maybe they were just helping him walk? I wouldn’t have thought about it except that he’s still hanging out with one of them… I don’t know! You would know better, if he’s the kind of guy who would do something like that…”

“How do you know they’ve been hanging out?” Alex asked before she could decide the question sounded too nosy. Two girls?! No. No way. Jungkook hadn’t ever had a threesome though he’d made plenty of longing comments about it so if he did for his birthday, like, good for him, but it shouldn’t happen while he was super drunk, that was shady. Oh god that made her feel kind of sick to her stomach… no, that hadn’t happened, she decided. Women were always handsy with him, it didn’t mean he’d fucked two women at the same time in their apartment right after.

God, if two women were willing to fuck Jungkook in a threesome, there was no way in hell he’d turn that down. It may have happened. He may have been having a threesome while she was sick at home, feeling sorry for herself.

“Uh well he’s been on her instagram a few times –please don’t ask me how I know that,” Rebekah flinched.

“Oh my god you’re such a busybody!” Alex gasped as if she wasn’t fighting the urge to whip out her phone and redownload the app right now. Her voice was too loud. Oops.

“I know,” Rebekah wailed. “I want to say I’m just a good friend but also he’s hot and I just spend a lot of time on instagram, ok? I know he fucks around and leaving with someone from the birthday party if he’s heartbroken over you, that makes sense to me. She may just be a rebound… I thought the way he was introducing her was weirder than him leaving with her but I don’t know, maybe it was nothing! They could just be friends!”

Rebekah was watching her with transparent concern.

Alex laughed. And rolled her eyes. And swallowed the last bite of her pretzel and insisted,

“Come on, don’t be all weird and worried. I told you a thousand times, I have no romantic feelings for him. If he’s seeing someone that is shocking because this is Jungkook but… great! That’s great! Good for– If he’s seeing someone– maybe he was just finally ready to start settling down I guess!”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. Is it right that I told you that?”

Alex nodded, “Yes, thank you. It does make me feel better. Maybe his feelings for me weren’t even that serious– what did you say the woman’s name is? Someone I know?”

“Anita? Do you–”

“Ah! Anita. Yes.”

“Yes?”

“We had a double date together to the arcade–”

“Oh! I didn’t realize that was the same– oh. Ok. Maybe they are then…”

“Yeah, maybe they are,” Alex agreed. “That’s great.”

So great. Really great. Really fucking great for Jungkook to already be over her. Already replaced. No wonder he could be so magnanimous about the phone thing. Maybe he had a new girlfriend.

That was great!

“Thanks for telling me, Bek. And thanks for coming. And thanks for watching out for me. Sounds like I can stop beating myself up about breaking his heart,” Alex said. “I’ll venmo you for the pretzel.”

“Now I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“What?! Why? I’m glad you did! I deleted instagram from my phone so I wouldn’t even know and no one says anything to me. I wish you’d told me earlier!”

“Ok. Ok good then, I’m glad I told you if you’re glad! Do you have to go home right away or can we wander over to Primark?”

“Yeah, let’s shop,” Alex agreed even though she really just wanted to go home and think about this and instagram stalk.

Jungkook dating?

No way.

But yes way? Anita was nice. She’d handled his tantrum on the arcade date well. If he was going to date someone, Alex could maybe almost give approval for her…

But really? Didn’t this mean he hadn’t really loved her? You didn’t just–

Unless you were rebounding–

She was thinking about this too much. It didn’t matter. She’d made her choice! That was great for him! He could do whatever he wanted –dating, threesomes, orgies, whatever!

And Alex could pretend to be really glad to hear this!

Jungkook fidgeted with the rings on his fingers and checked his watch again. Anita was supposed to have met him here fifteen minutes ago and now wasn’t answering her phone. He hated that. Yes, he did that sometimes, but he disliked it in other people. Almost as much as he disliked being called, which was the next thing she did.

“Yello?”

“Hey I’m running late–”

“No shit.”

“I’ll be there soon, you can go in and have a drink, I’ll meet you inside.”

“If I go in here alone I might get mobbed.”

“Great, you’ll enjoy the attention.”

“Not the kind of attention I’m looking for,” he grumbled, annoyed that she was right, he would be flattered. He pocketed his phone and decided to head inside, noting the rainbow glow of the sign on his shirt as he showed the doorman his ID and passed through. The bright colors just made him feel already tired, like he was stepping into a rave past his bedtime.

To be clear, Jungkook was perfectly fine in a gay bar. He didn’t frequent them often, but he’d been before, no big deal. And literally no one had hit on him, which he suspected would be the case this time as well. Sure, he didn’t really feel like talking to anyone right now or declining attention, but he also wasn’t feeling up to the blow to his ego of being completely ignored. It still hadn’t recovered from losing out Employee of the month to fucking Nate. What the fuck happened there?!

He tried to look unavailable as he went to the bar and ordered a drink so at least he wouldn’t be empty handed. The place was sort of embarrassingly quiet on a Tuesday night; the Halloween decorations strung around the place looked tacky with only half a dozen well-behaved people circling around high tops. The music felt too quiet for a bar but louder would have been annoying.

Ok, Jungkook was just cranky lately. He’d try to not subject Anita to that. He settled in at a stool on the end of the bar and pulled out his phone to look for something to amuse himself. Cats weren’t doing it for him but some parrots screaming into bowls and cups were good even though he couldn’t really hear the audio over the music.

Hairs on the back of his neck prickled as if someone was watching him and he felt the heaviness of someone drawing close. Assuming it was Anita finally here, he looked up to tease her, but it wasn’t her so he looked back down.

And then looked back.

And then, “Uh… May?”

“Oh my god.”

“You–”

“Hey tian xin,” Minxi sidled up to May with a drink extended and then actually yelped at the sight of Jungkook.

“Holy shit!” Jungkook gasped.

“Holy shit you!” May cried. “Are you–”

“No wait are you– are you two dating?!” he gestured rapidly between them even though obviously they were because there was definitely something in Minxi’s voice when she’d said whatever that was in Chinese and–

“Are you gay?!” May shrieked. “What are you doing in a gay bar?!”

“You’re gay,” Jungkook said, wide eyed. Then, “Holy shit, nobody knows. Does Alex know?”

“No she doesn’t know!” May hissed as Minxi shirked her shoulders and grimaced at Jungkook, looking like she’d pay good money to be literally anywhere but here.

“And dating her friend?!”

“Well does she know you’re–”

“Hey sorry I’m so fucking late,” Anita gasped, stumbling directly into the little scene and then stopping short. “Oh, um.”

“Ok I am so fucking confused. Is this your girlfriend? Are you gay? What the fuck is going on?” May demanded.

“Yeah, Minxi, May, I could say the same fucking thing–”

“Oh boy what did I just walk into,” Anita mumbled and took a dramatic step backwards.

“Why don’t we uh… go to a table,” Minxi suggested. When nobody moved, she just turned and walked away. May and Jungkook stared at each other a moment longer, then Jungkook followed, grabbing Anita’s arm and dragging her along.

“Wait, let me get a drink!”

“There’s table service,” May called over her shoulder.

“Oh, really? I’ve never been here before…”

At the table, May whipped around with the same interrogative energy her sister so easily displayed and demanded, “Explain yourself.”

“Well that’s just not something you can demand–”

“Wait, is the whole fuckboy thing a lie? Or you’re bi–”

“I’m not bi,” Jungkook sighed, “Just… straight. Which I feel really awkward admitting right now in a gay bar… thanks for outing me…”

“So you are dating though,” Minxi said, gesturing between him and Anita.

Immediately Jungkook frowned, “Who says we’re dating?”

“Uh… it’s what everyone thinks?” Minxi answered. She seemed started by Jungkook’s response.

“Who thinks that? Alex thinks that?” He was already sweating but felt a shade of cold added to it. “Why? Who said that?”

“So you’re not dating?” May clarified.

“No, we aren’t dating.”

“I mean we fucked for a while,” Anita helpfully offered. “But I think I might be a lesbian? Or bi? I don’t really know…”

“Oh! Welcome,” Minxi grinned.

“Welcome to… being gay?” Jungkook repeated, head spinning, just confused. “Ok, but wait… fuck, I have so many questions right now.”

May sighed and set her drink down. She closed her eyes, then slowly opened them while Minxi just looked at her with concern. Her hand was on May’s lower back.

“I know what you are,” he mumbled under his breath, memes always on hand at a moment like this.

“Yeah,” May said. “I’m a lesbian. That’s my secret, there you go.”

“But…” He trailed off. “But the banker dude you were dating…”

“Uh, I do social media for a bank,” Minxi said with a laugh.

“Yeah, ok, I haven’t felt comfortable yet coming out to my family,” May admitted. “But I needed my mom to stop trying to introduce me to guys or thinking I couldn’t meet someone on my own, so…”

“But they won’t care,” Jungkook said. “Do you think they will? They’ve never seemed…” He trailed off, realizing maybe he didn’t really know about their parents. Sometimes parents could seem perfectly open-minded and supportive as long as it wasn’t their own child pushing the envelope. “Alex and Edgar won’t care. You think your parents will?”

“I don’t know! They’re not crazy strict but they have an idea about how our lives will go and this was never part of that so… I don’t know. And now you know so I guess it’s time to–”

“Woah,” Jungkook cut her off, “I don’t matter. I’m not saying a word to anyone, that’s your business to share.”

“Even Alex?”

Jungkook made a face and lifted his beer before muttering, “Well, you must be out of the loop…”

“Obviously I’m not, she’s living with my parents again, moping around like a teenager that got dumped even though she’s got a perfectly good boyfriend who’s obsessed with her for some reason I sure can’t figure out.”

Jungkook’s teeth clicked as he bit down on the bottle. It was a stupid thing to do, he hadn’t meant to do that. It was an automatic dumb thing his brain did at this unexpected information chucked at him in the void of any other knowledge. He had no fucking clue how Alex was doing. She’d said she was doing great at the phone store so why wouldn’t he believe her? She’d gotten everything she wanted.

“She um… she’s not doing ok?”

“Would you be if you moved back home?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Right, that’s what you meant…”

“Why, what did you think I meant?” May asked with obvious glee. Only then did Jungkook realize that even May must know about his confession –and that it wasn’t even because Alex had told her, it had probably been Minxi. Her secret girlfriend.

“Let’s talk about how you’re dating Alex’s sister and didn’t tell anyone,” he shifted and pointed at Minxi. “For how long?”

“About six months,” Minxi mumbled into her drink. “But hey, I couldn’t say anything without outing May!”

“We didn’t even know you’re a lesbian. Does Alex know?”

“Look, let’s just all take a moment and embrace the fact that Alex never knows shit about anything,” May insisted. “She didn’t know we’re gay and dating. She didn’t know you’re in love with her. She sure as fuck doesn’t know she’s in love with you. The only thing she does know–”

“Wait what did you say–”

“--is that you two are dating? She might think that? Couldn’t say, Minxi’s the one who told me that gossip but Alex has been extra prickly lately so. Dunno.”

“Yeah, who started the rumor I have a girlfriend? What, days after I confessed to Alex?!” Jungkook asked, but Minxi shrugged. He didn’t think she was the likely source anyway. He tried to think through each friend… but it was so absurd, he couldn’t figure out who would make that assumption and not just ask him about it.

“Could she be fighting with Hoseok? Is that why she’s mopey?” Anita asked, leaning forward on the table with enough interest you would think she was already intimately connected to the friend group. In several ways she was, though not the way Jungkook was now being accused of.

“Ok ok we don’t know, no one here knows, that’s Alex’s business,” Jungkook interrupted before Minxi or May could say anything. Because suddenly this was too much, what May was dumping on the table in front of him. And she had no proof. May had always been kind of a bitch who liked to stir up trouble for Alex, so for all he knew, she was just saying these things to be a bitch. She might take a little too much joy in her sister’s suffering right now but there was no actual reason to believe that suffering was anything more than a sadness at the loss of his friendship. Or like a normal not-relationship-ending fight with her boyfriend. Or a bad day at work.

Besides, she’s said something else much more important, so he scratched his neck and asked casually, “Why um… but why did you say that thing about…”

May sighed and rolled her eyes, “Just ask the question. This is a safe space.”

She could say that, but May wasn’t safe the way Alex was. She’d say whatever she wanted even if it hurt. Maybe that part had been made up to, just to stir up shit. He didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of her. She’d use it against him, she’d never let it go, she’d–

She kept glancing at Minxi, and clicking her nails on her glass, and her leg bouncing was what kept shaking the table. Suddenly he felt like she was offering him information as a trade, which he didn’t like at all. Did she think she could trade Alex’s personal business for a promise Jungkook would keep his mouth closed? Well that sucked in both directions if so. It wasn’t necessary at all. He’d never betray someone’s privacy like that, ever.

He decided to reiterate, “I meant what I said. I’m not going to tell anyone you’re gay or that you’re dating Minxi. I don’t think anyone will care but that’s your private business– ohhh wait, that’s why you went to the Kings of Leon concert with us! I wondered why you came. Damn, no one thought anything about that. You really kept your secret right under our noses.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that and you’re oblivious,” May snapped.

“Ha. Well. You got me there…”

He shared a look with Anita and sipped his beer. Damn Alex was so much cooler than her sister.

“Well,” Anita tried, “I just think if I could make it to twenty-nine and not realize I like fucking women, then I can understand why it would take someone a while to realize they’re in love with their best friend.”

Minxi eagerly nodded, “Yeah, I understand it too. I mean we aren’t that different, I’ve known May for a long time through Alex–”

“Yeah but you kind of always wanted to fuck me,” May grinned at her. It was truly wild to hear her talk like that and to Minxi! Jungkook desperately wanted Alex here seeing this. Thank fuck he didn’t live with her actually because he obviously couldn’t reveal May’s secret but this was quite a thing to have to keep secret from his (previously) best friend. Easy peasy when she wasn’t talking to him anyway.

“I did,” Minxi admitted. Then huffed and elbowed her. “Stop it, don’t embarrass me… and don’t think that’s the only reason I was friends with Alex because it’s not,” she quickly added, pointing at Jungkook. He held his hand up and made a face, gesturing he did not accuse her of that.

Anita was clearly glad to turn the conversation more towards her own reason for being here though and mused, “I always thought I’d be down, but I just thought I was just curious… isn’t everyone curious what it’s like to have sex with women? And I’ve had fun sex with men so…”

Minxi’s smile was so wise and sisterly as she encouraged, “You don’t have to choose, you know.” Jungkook felt like he was definitely seeing a new side to her. He’d always just thought of her as Alex’s nice but kind of quiet, nerdy friend.

“Yeah… I don’t really know where I am for real but I am definitely not straight. Right?” She glanced at Jungkook for confirmation.

Jungkook snickered, “That’s not my decision!” Good. This was good. Go along with the detour and then steer it back and it would keep him from looking too desperate to figure out if May was talking shit or if she knew something.

“I had sex with a woman,” she explained suddenly to May and Minxi. Her new lesbian friends. Jungkook began to wonder if maybe he was no longer needed here but he stayed anyway because fuck if he was leaving without finding out what May had meant.

“And you liked it?” May guessed. “There’s not a test you have to pass. If you think you’re gay, you’re gay, congrats.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I think? I don’t know, maybe it’s just her… I thought maybe if I met another woman I like, it would help me understand myself more and whether it’s just that woman or all women or what. I don’t think it’s that woman though. I mean, she was great but I don’t really want to date her…”

“That’s why you two are here on a Tuesday night? You’re wingmanning for her?” May laughed.

“Yeah. Believe it or not I am a great ally.”

“Yeah, yeah, I believe it actually,” May waved her hand at him.

“We thought it might be too busy and stressful on the weekend,” Anita admitted, but looked shy about it now. “Like maybe on a Tuesday night, I could meet someone more, um, serious or something? I don’t know…”

“Well Anita who I don’t know, you want some sage lesbian advice from the girl who’s too chicken to come out to her own family?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t worry about whether it’s one woman or lots of women or what. It doesn’t matter. Once you know you want someone, just shoot your shot and see where it gets you. For instance, don’t wait until she’s in love with your replacement before you–”

“Ok ok,” Jungkook sighed, and leaned away and motioned towards himself, “Fine. Let’s have it.”

“Did you really really really tell my sister you’re in love with her?” May demanded. “LIke that’s not just a rumor, that’s actually a thing that happened that apparently exploded your entire friend group.”

Jungkook let out a deep sigh and then admitted for a laugh, “I drunkenly kissed her first and then I said it. And then I said it again and we had a fight about it. And then I said it again but real mature, and she moved out the next day.”

“Fuck,” May laughed. “That is the saddest and funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, well…” He laughed too. He wanted to laugh about it. That made it feel a little less raw.

“And you meant it?”

The question brought him up short. His brow scrunched together, whole face briefly serious as he insisted to May, “Yeah, I meant it. Why would I say it if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know–”

“Why would I do something that made my best friend cry her eyeballs out, move out of our home, cut me completely out of her life–”

“Ok ok geez, I get it. Well what took you so long to figure it out? Because honestly you guys have been disgustingly obvious–”

“We haven’t been though,” he argued. “We were just easy with each other. It was always so easy, I just didn’t question it, and it’s not like she was flirting with intentions or anything–”

May growled low in her throat, “I’ve never been a very good sister so I’ll just be a shitty one now too and say it: if you really couldn’t tell she’s been in love with you since like forever, you’re literally the dumbest person I have ever met in my life.”

“I…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Hope and doubt warred in his chest. He couldn't trust anyone saying anything with such confidence when Alex herself had told him the opposite, and yet her own sister said it so confidently! But Alex didn’t know May was gay (haha, it rhymed!) so how could May possibly have any real insight into feelings that Alex herself may or may not have, may or may not realize, may or may not want to admit, and definitely didn’t want to act on.

“Wow,” May mused. “You’re really that dumb. I can see every thought on your face–”

“How can you know that? You two aren’t exactly close.”

“I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Well she said the opposite pretty clearly.”

“I’ll be honest,” Anita butted in, “if I’d been in love with you for years and had to watch you move through women like water and not even consider me, I’d hate you too–”

“But it wasn’t about not considering her! It was just that she was… not like that… untouchable–”

“Fuck,” all three women said at the same time.

“NO not like that! Not interested, not available, not– just too good for someone like me and–”

“Calm down, will you? You’re shouting. We only do that on Wednesdays and Fridays in here.”

But Jungkook’s head was spinning because honestly that was even worse than believing she just didn’t return his feelings. Not that it was the first time someone had suggested it but Alex had always so loudly, vocally shut it down, and he’d believed her. Now, May speaking so confidently terrified him, because what if it was true? What if Alex didn’t hate him because he’d confessed feelings and been all clingy once she had a boyfriend, but because she’d actually always wanted to be that woman for him and he’d–

Fuck. He’d fucked around for years. He’d made no secret of how often he slept with women. He’d flaunted it. It was a point of pride for him, a running joke with their friends. He’d told Alex shit about it all the time to make her laugh because she was so unbothered by it but what if she wasn’t so unbothered by it and instead she was dying inside the way he’d died inside every time she told him about Hoseok?!

Jungkook groaned and slumped forward on the table, pressing his face right down on the sticky top. He deserved it. The brief flicker of hope May had given him fizzled out into abject despair. That was worse. The thought he might have been hurting Alex for years was worse than anything.

“She never cared,” he mumbled into his elbow. Then before anyone could say anything, he beat them to it, “I’m the biggest idiot who ever lived.”

“Yeah pretty much–”

“May,” Minxi scolded. “Come on, you’re being too mean.”

“He’s the one who said it!”

“You’re not the biggest idiot,” Minxi argued. “Just a medium idiot. I don’t know if May’s right but I wouldn’t be surprised either. You two were always something special and it was really sweet but it did seem like she had started to resent your behavior more. But no one could say anything about it either, she was so protective of you and your lifestyle and everything, like you could do no wrong. I was glad when she met Hoseok because she seems so happy with him.”

“Oh yeah, Minx, that was way better,” May laughed.

Jungkook sat up with a sigh. Looking back, he couldn’t pinpoint times, but yeah, Minxi might be right about that too. Not that he and Alex fought a lot but it seemed like they argued more –like about the wedding.

“It’s ok,” Jungkook assured her. “I get it. I fucked up.”

“Ok then my last question is, what are you doing about it? Why did you give up so easily?”

“Because I was being an asshole,” he immediately answered. “I wanted her to break up with Hoseok but –yeah, it was a bad look. I didn’t give up, but I told her how I feel and now I’m giving her the space she wants. She knows where to find me if she changes her mind.”

“Good boy,” Anita smiled and patted his hand. He rolled his eyes.

“Ok well I can’t argue with Minxi, she does seem pretty happy with Hoseok and you were an idiot, but I think you’ve proven by now that making her jealous doesn’t motivate her so if that’s what you were trying to do with people thinking you’re dating–”

“That’s not it,” Jungkook insisted. “I’m not playing a game. I don’t know why anyone thinks I’m suddenly dating. I can have a friend I don’t want to date!”

“Like Alex?” Anita suggested, then covered her mouth and laughed, “Sorry! It was too perfect not to say.”

“Shut up…”

“I’m not saying hound her. I don’t know why my sister does the things she does or makes the choices she makes, maybe she’s made her choice and she’s happy with it,” May admitted, with a shrug. “She’s always been weird, I don’t know. I just mean, she’s really stubborn and you put her in a bad situation to have to change her mind, so just make it easy. I don’t know, she’s grumpy this week, maybe just send her a nice no-pressure thing to remind her you exist…”

“Is she fighting with Hoseok?” Jungkook asked, trying not to sound eager.

“Ok I really don’t know. You are the person she talked to most about anything going on in her life. Who’s replaced you? I don’t think anyone has,” May admitted. “Hoseok? I don’t know. I don’t know what to make of that guy. He’s nice but…”

“Ooh are you going to trash talk the boyfriend?” Anita gasped.

“No, don’t do that,” Jungkook insisted. “I don’t want to hear it. Forget I asked.”

“All right.”

They sipped drinks for a minute. Jungkook’s mind was humming but also completely tripped up. Don’t harass her but make it easy on her… to change her mind? To choose him instead of Hoseok? That’s what he was trying to do, but she was avoiding him! The only time he’d seen her at all was when he just happened to be at the phone store –granted, he was avoiding any friend gathering she might go to after she missed the birthday party because he didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t go. But there hadn’t been much.

Ok. He’d think about this… once he was past the shock of it. Of May saying Alex might have been in love with him while he just brutalized her heart basically –not about May being gay and dating Minxi, he was already over that, that was so much less important.

May laughed again and shook her head, “Can’t believe you’re just dumb… gay would have been a better explanation.”

“Ok, May, thanks.”

“Look everyone else might be dancing around this whole thing but I’ll always give it to you straight.”

“Speaking of giving it–”

“Don’t make a crude joke–”

“I think you should give your sister a chance,” Jungkook suggested. “Even if you aren’t ready to be totally out, you know she’ll love and support you, yeah? And she’s good to have in your corner, if you’re really worried about your parents.”

“Yeah. She is. I know.”

“That was unusually nice for you to admit–”

Minxi interrupted, “Ok Anita, it's your turn, let’s hear what’s going on with you and this woman who opened your eyes. She was really that good?”

“Ok she’s not that good,” Jungkook snorted.

“You already knew you were straight so how do you know?”

“Ok ok sorry, carry on.”

“Wait, you fucked this woman too?” May asked, suddenly looking more interested. “Minxi, did you fuck her?! Who owns this magical pussy?”

Minxi just closed her eyes and shook her head which Jungkook thought summed up this Tuesday night very well.

In a pure coincidence, Alex had already heard the news, because she followed a link to a funny tweet from a Buzzfeed article and it refreshed her Twitter feed that she didn’t check ever anymore and one of the top Tweets in her timeline was from the arcade with the big announcement: We will be closing our doors on November 5. Come redeem your tickets while you can!

It was like a lightning bolt to the face from the gods. She was struck dumb by this tweet and the combined knowledge that Jungkook had tickets to spend, that he wouldn’t have enough to get the prizes he wanted because they’d stopped going to the arcade, that he had bought a dog and then she’d promptly friend-dumped him, and that after November 5th the opportunity to ever reconcile and finish earning those tickets together and buy the Slushee machine for their shared apartment would be truly and completely lost forever. This felt decidedly more final than the fact that neither of them lived in that apartment anymore. For all she knew, he’d junked the dog.

The tweet left her immobilized in bed for some time. Should she text him? Should she let it go? Maybe he hadn’t seen. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe the arcade wasn’t anything important to him now. If he was dating Anita, maybe he didn’t even play games– ok, no, he definitely still played games. She could see him dating Anita and living life without Alex but video games were in his deep heart, he’d never give those up completely. But it didn’t mean he cared about the arcade. Or maybe he just didn’t know. Maybe she’d text him about it and he’d be like yeah we should go and say goodbye. But was that bad?

Alex sat up in bed. Should they do that? Go say goodbye to the arcade? No, because it was an important thing about their friendship but yes, too, right? She didn’t hate Jungkook. He didn’t hate her. Their friendship was a precious thing to her and this was the death of a mutual friend and they should be able to bid that friend farewell without it being an issue. She’d just text him. She’d see what he said and if he didn’t care maybe she’d still just, like, drive by on her own or something and wave at the building.

Oh god that was so sad. It was so sad that the arcade was closing. Even though she hadn’t been in months now, that was so fucking sad for it to be done.

She pressed her phone to her mouth and debated. What if Jungkook read into it too much? How could she say they should say farewell without making it sound like she was looking for something more? Or what if he wanted to bring Anita? She’d be hurt. She wasn’t going to bring Hoseok. Wait, should she take Hoseok? Double date repeat?

Her phone buzzed against her mouth.

[JK]: hey arcade is closing down on the 5th

He beat her to it! Alex’s heart leapt into her throat as she jerked backwards against the pillows and texted back, thumbs tapping furiously against her phone.

[Alex]: I just saw the news!! How sad!!!

[Alex]: guess they couldn’t stay afloat when hot girl [me] stopped going

[JK]: the fact you clarified

[JK]: you barely spent any money there

[JK]: I was funding that place!

[Alex]: hope you can live with the blood on your hands

As soon as she sent it, she realized the fucked up implications though. He stopped going because she left. It wasn’t really his fault, it was hers, and the fact he hadn’t simply been taking Anita or some other girl instead of her barely soothed the awkward thing she’d just poked her finger in.

[JK]: actually I want to return to the scene of the crime one last time and get my fucking slushee machine

[Alex]: 😱

[Alex]: do you even have enough tickets? Sure Namjoon is stoked for a slushee machine

Ok. Ok fine she was fishing. A nauseating fear seized her chest as she found herself deadlocked. She should ask. She should be the one to suggest it. But suggesting it… was it a bad idea? How would she explain to Hoseok that actually she was going to go hang out with Jungkook after all… just this one time…

[JK]: I’m close on tickets

[JK]: I’m going there that night to earn the rest and get it

Oh my god just ask me… should I ask?... I should just ask it’s not a big deal…

[JK]: let me know if you want to meet up for one last arcade night

[JK]: if not it’s cool maybe I’ll still let you have a slushee next time you’re at Namjoon’s

[Alex]: Namjoon’s? Isn’t it your place too now that you live there?

[Alex]: but yeah, ok I’ll go

He put a thumbs up on her message but didn’t respond, which was fine with her because her heart was hammering in her chest like she was doing something wrong. But she wasn’t! This was a unique thing! Going to play games with him and say goodbye to the arcade would just be a temporary break in the space, like a truce between warring mob families because the pizza place they both loved and warred over burned to the ground.

Oh god, she couldn’t make it make sense. She had to just lay there in bed and breathe for a moment because a weird clashing of excitement and terror seized her. And it made no sense! It was just going to the arcade with Jungkook! Her friend of forever! The guy she’d practically pissed herself over running into at the mall and now she was already figuring out what to wear that would make her look happy and cool but not too cool that he’d think she changed into a different person or had thought too much about what to wear.

Ok. No, this was fine. It was normal to be relieved and happy to get to hang out with a friend you’d had a major falling out with but hoped to have a low key friendship again with someday! And she had loved going to the arcade with him so it would be fun. And maybe once they could re-establish contact, she wouldn’t have to miss him so damn much, because she could just check in when she needed to. It was cool. Everything was cool.

Everything was not cool. Alex stood by the counter, arms crossed, simmering with annoyance as Hoseok stood by the oven, looking exactly the same.

“I told you about this party weeks ago,” Hoseok argued.

“But you didn’t tell me what day it was,” Alex argued.

“I did, I told you the fifth and you said you’d go–”

“No, you just said in November,” Alex insisted. “And I do want to go with you but I didn’t know it was that day and I have other plans now– you have to tell me the date and then I put it on my calendar immediately.”

But he hadn’t told her the date, she was so sure. Like 95% sure! She would have put it on her calendar. She did remember him telling her about the housewarming party in general –for a college friend of his who was moving to the area, but not quite this area, about an hour away. They’d bought a whole farmhouse or something because that’s what you could do when you inherited money.

But he hadn’t told her the date and so the only thing she had planned for the fifth was the last night of the arcade with Jungkook. But now, three days out, Hoseok had mentioned he bought wine and flowers for them to take, and she had asked “to what?” and now they were all tangled up.

“I did tell you.”

“You didn’t! But– ok but whether you did or didn’t, I still have these other plans that night.” She presented that in the futile hopes he’d just be like ah ok yes I understand, we shall convene another night!

Instead he asked the question she had hoped to gracefully avoid, “What other plans? Can you move them?”

“No, it has to be that night, I don’t control it–”

“Ok but… Alex, this is really important to me. What’s this other thing that’s so much more important?”

“I know you want me there but what’s so important about your thing?” she demanded. “It’s just a housewarming, right? You can go without me and I’ll meet your friends another time!”

“But you told me you’d go!” Hoseok frowned. “I told them you’d go. It’s all my friends from college in one place, that never happens.”

“I get it but it’s just a party.”

“But it’s important to me and you told me you’d go and you won’t even tell me this other thing that’s more important to you.”

Well shit. She definitely couldn’t tell him now that this other thing was going to the arcade for an evening with Jungkook. Not only would it reveal she’d planned this without telling him (she shouldn’t have to! …right?) but also that she was avoiding telling him and that it was more important to her than meeting his college friends.

It just was! She shouldn’t have to explain that. The arcade had been a really constant fun part of her friendship and it was going away and sure maybe they could go on the 4th or the 3rd or something but Jungkook had asked her to go on the 5th. It was the last night. It was meaningful! It was important to her!

“Well?” he demanded.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s a family thing…”

“A family thing?”

“Yeah like a private thing to honor the anniversary of my grandmother dying…”

Oh shit. She was going to hell. But the lie slid off her tongue without anything to grab onto to hold it back.

“So I can’t move it.”

Hoseok looked crestfallen and she realized she’d won. Obviously he couldn’t insist that a housewarming party for his friends was more important than a private memorial service for her dead grandmother.

She hated herself a little in that moment but she couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t think about the ramifications of when that lie would come out. She just stood there with panic trapped behind her teeth as he mulled this over. Victory didn’t feel good.

“Well… ok what if we went to my friends’ house earlier in the day?” he asked. “What time is your family thing?”

“Seven.” She made that up. Maybe she should have said earlier. How long did Jungkook need to earn his tickets? “But I have to get ready too.”

Suddenly Hoseok reanimated, “Oh, not until the evening though? Ok well they’re doing an all day thing because it’s a whole barn and stuff. We can just go earlier!”

“Isn’t it a party?”

“Yeah but it’s kind of a reunion thing, it’s not just a drinking party like your friends have.”

Alex choked on a bit of a saliva. Just a drinking party.

Hoseok didn’t notice and continued, “They have horses we can ride and like a bunch of animals, and they converted the barn into an art gallery–”

“I thought they just bought this place?”

“No no they bought it and paid to have it restored and they’re just now moving in. Ah, ok, this can still work. Is that ok?”

“It’s an hour away, isn’t it? I have to be back in time.”

“Yeah, no problem. We can go– I’ll check with them but we can go for lunch and the afternoon and then I’ll bring you home in time to get ready for your family thing.”

Realizing he might fish for an invitation to a thing that wasn’t happening, and also because she felt guiltier by the second about her lie, she suggested, “Ok but I feel bad for you to miss the evening. I could just drive myself and come back early.”

“No no I can use you as an excuse, I’m sure I’ll be ready to go too, and I’d rather leave together.”

She didn’t understand why. She didn’t understand why this was so important, but trapped now by her own lies, she felt consumed with guilt and didn’t want to argue with him further. Her conscience could rest easier with a compromise like this.

“Ok. Sure. As long as I’m back in time– yeah, we can make this work,” she said. “Ok?”

He nodded slowly. She felt that. It was uncomfortable to argue. They didn’t do that often. And part of her wondered if that was because usually she just went along with whatever. Now that her life had slimmed down, it wasn’t like their schedules were at odds. She rarely had anything going on. She was so eager to be part of his life and world and it pissed her off a little that the one time she had a schedule conflict he wanted to press her for details, as if she ought to defer to his judgment about her priorities!

“Yeah. Ok. Sorry I got spicy about it,” he said and shuffled close. “It’s just really important to me to have you there. I want you to meet all my friends.”

Usually Alex would have purred under the insinuation that he wanted to show her off. But when she already felt pissy and prickly, it didn’t quite hit the same. She had to force the smile. It was uncomfortable to swallow as she forced herself to reciprocate the hug she didn’t want. Maybe the pill wasn’t resentment or anger though, maybe it was guilt. Maybe she needed him to be the bad guy right now because holy shit she was hiding from her boyfriend that she was going to spend the evening with Jungkook and that was an asshole thing to do, wasn’t it?

And yet Alex did it.

Alex had definitely worn the wrong shoes for the farm but Hoseok had too. She loud laughed at the way he cringed every time they picked their way across the muddy farmyard to get to the barn or the firepit or the main house where food and music lured them as much as the shelter from the cold gray day.

But Hoseok’s college friends, it turned out, were made of sterner stuff. They teased Hoseok when he asked for wipes to clean his shoes off. They teased him when he didn’t want to drink. They teased him when he didn’t want to ride a horse. Every time Alex and Hoseok would start to get comfy inside, his friends would beckon them out again to feed the chickens or because everyone was talking about the new roof on the barn and they wanted Hoseok to see it too or because a new friend had arrived and they wanted everyone to return to the barn so that person could talk about the pieces of their art that hung there.

It was fun in the beginning. Alex felt special as the new girlfriend no one knew, and Hoseok was apparently very proud to have her with him, which felt good. She held onto his arm and stomped all over the place and giggle-whispered with Hoseok about the baby goats. She felt like she’d stepped into a different class of people, touristing with Hoseok, and there was camaraderie in that. She got a little prickly about the way they teased him but he didn’t seem to mind so she just squeezed his hand and went along with it.

“Are you going to open this place like a museum?” Alex had foolishly asked while trying to sound really interested and knowledgeable while staring at avant garde art (was that the right word?) hung on the walls of the barn so modernized on the inside she wasn’t sure you could really call it a barn anymore. The question set off a cavalcade of information about non-profits and working farms and private versus public art. Alex had been shocked by the way this group of people seemed all so closely woven. She’d been relieved when Hoseok wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, but also confused as to how exactly Hoseok fit in with these people.

“So how did you all know each other in school?” she asked Hoseok later as they huddled close by the fire. It was a little too cold for the fire to be fun, but Hoseok had asked if she wanted to and she thought that meant he did so there they were with a few others. By now there were several dozen people roaming the place and she had hoped it would be a little less intense than the hours of acting as a welcoming party that had started the day.

She meant the question just for him but wound up with another earful from the other people around the fire who had apparently eavesdropped and eagerly dumped overlapping stories out as Hoseok tried to get a word in edgewise. Eventually she teased out that Hoseok had been roommates with a few of them, and danced with a few others.

“You quit though after college, right?” one guy asked Hoseok. Alex had given up on remembering their names because most of them had nicknames too so it was impossible to know who anyone was talking about. Also she was cold. And also the sun was starting to go down and that vague antsy feeling she’d had all afternoon about making it home in time was starting to get louder.

She wasn’t too distracted to miss the way another guy kind of scoffed, “Yeah you know it’s not a life that most people are cut out for.”

“Oh, did you tell them you’ve been dancing again?” she asked.

Hoseok shifted uncomfortably in the chair they were wedged into together and grinned, “Oh well that’s not really anything– just starting to get back into it. I miss it, you know? I’m very out of shape…” There was something in his voice Alex found curious but she didn’t press it because one of the girls had just asked her a question.

“How did you two meet again?”

“Work.”

“Where do you work?”

“Starbucks,” Alex answered.

“Oh. Corporate?”

“I was for a while but now I’m an assistant manager. I like being more hands on with a coffee shop,” Hoseok answered. “What about you, what are you doing?”

Alex butted in to clarify, “I’m just a barista.”

Hoseok looked surprised by her defensive tone, but she felt like he’d just tried to hide that she was nothing very ambitious.

“Yeah, you’re great at your job. She’s a shift supervisor. One of the best we’ve got –not at my store though, unfortunately. Then we wouldn’t be able to date so I took the hit professionally,” he chuckled.

Ok, maybe he hadn’t tried to hide it.

“It’s cold, can we go inside and warm up for a little bit?”

“Just sit closer to the fire,” one of the other girls suggested. But the smoke was way too thick for that and all the fire really did was make her face burn and leave her ass cold.

“You’re a city kid, huh?” another unimportant person joked and Alex didn’t appreciate the laugh, or the way Hoseok squeezed her shoulders and agreed, “Yeah.” As if he wasn’t?!

“It’s great to see Hobi in his natural element,” Alex smiled brightly at him. Hoseok’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in and kissed her cheek, laughing as if she’d just meant it as a playful joke. Maybe it would have been playful half an hour ago when she could still feel her nose. “We should probably get going soon though,” she commented, checking her phone. She’d asked to be home by six and it was four now but they could hit traffic.

“Soon,” Hoseok agreed. “Hey, Chris, whatever happened to that dance startup you were so excited about? Is that a sore subject?”

“Soon” apparently meant different things to Hoseok and Alex. Or maybe it was just that every minute seemed to drag worse for her. She wanted to think the stories from college were funny because this was a glimpse into Hoseok’s history she’d never had before, but the stories actually weren’t very funny. Hoseok cleaning a shared suite where it was obvious no one else had helped or appreciated his efforts. Hoseok drunk too quick at parties and left passed out various places as if that was some funny joke. Hoseok failing a test because he’d spent all night designated driving friends and then been such a “good friend” he didn’t rat them out to the professor. Hoseok working his ass off to fill in last minute for a space in their dance crew at a competition, and there was just something in the way they talked about it that made her uncomfortable, “yeah you were crazy motivated, we knew we could give you anything and you’d learn it or die trying.” He was an incredibly motivated person!

And honestly these people were kinda assholes! Whatever novelty had existed in the beginning wore off completely and Alex realized that these college friends of Hoseok’s were nothing more than bullying assholes. It was easy to see now how eager he had probably been in college to maintain these friendships, and how eager he was now to still impress these people who didn’t deserve his effort to impress.

Something to talk about another day, though, because it was time to go.

“Hey, we should head out in case we hit traffic,” Alex said at 4:30. Hoseok checked his watch and nodded, “Ok yeah after this story.”

At 4:45 she went to the bathroom and grabbed Hoseok’s arm and insisted, “Ok, time to go.”

“Sure one sec, let me help –hey, do you need help carrying that inside before it rains?” he called and darted forward to help Madelynn, one of the women who owned the farm. Alex was not actually sure how many people lived here.

Holy shit, was this a cult?

The question still lingered on her tongue when at five she tried to pull Hoseok away again, reminding him, “I need to be back by six to get ready. Can we leave the compound now?”

“The compound? What?”

“Let’s say goodbye, we need to go.”

“Hey Hobi, come look, Riley brought a video of Regionals and you’re in it, we’re putting it on now!’

“Wah, let’s look,” Hoseok pleaded, grabbing her arm. “I want you to see the way I danced in college.”

“Can’t we just watch it another time?”

“I don’t have it, come on, it’ll only take a minute!” He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the house.

Twenty minutes.

Now Alex was starting to get pissed, and pulled him aside to point out, “We need to get going. You don’t even have your coat on. I’m already late to get ready and if we run into traffic–”

“We won’t, there’s not traffic back to the city this time of night.”

“But I’m already going to have less time to get ready.”

“Ok, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, and kissed her forehead. “Let me say bye and we’ll go.”

He meant bye to everyone. It meant stomping back out to the barn and the campfire and through the living room again and getting distracted by the video on the TV.

“Hoseok,” she hissed. “Let’s go.”

It had been too loud. People looked over, and Hoseok got red in the face as he frowned, “Ok, sorry, we’re going. You’re ready?”

“Yes,” she murmured, embarrassed. She didn’t bother waving as they found their way out to the car. But Hoseok stepped in dog shit on the way and had to go back for wipes so he could clean it off before he’d get in the car, while Alex sat in the passenger’s seat fuming.

“Ok,” he finally said, overly cheerful. It thudded to the ground. “Time to go.”

“It was time to go an hour ago,” she pointed out.

“We’ll get home quick–”

“It’s already almost six! We still have an hour to drive!” she pointed out.

“Ok, sorry, you can tell your family it was my fault–”

“Just drive, please,” she said, and pulled out her phone and texted.

[Alex]: hey may be running late, got stuck at another thing

[JK]: k I’m already here

What! She scrolled up to check but they hadn’t ever agreed on a time. She’d assumed seven because… because why?

[Alex]: I’m like an hour away

[JK]: it’s cool I wanted to make sure I have time to get enough tickets so I got here early

Alex appreciated his chill. It was fine. It was fine if she was late to meet Jungkook, there wasn’t a hard timeline, they were just going to play some games and buy a slushie machine and wave goodbye to a building. It was annoying Hoseok had dragged his feet about leaving but she didn’t actually need an hour to get ready to meet Jungkook. She planned to just change clothes and go and she’d already laid everything out. Worst case scenario she could just wear what she was wearing and go right to the arcade. Yeah, maybe she’d do that, because the knowledge that Jungkook was already there made her twitch impatiently in her seat like she was already late.

“Ah, is your family going to be mad at me?” Hoseok asked. “Sorry. Sorry. Do you want me just to drive you straight home and you can get your car later?”

“No, it’s fine. Just focus on driving please.”

An awkward silence ballooned.

“Hey, um… thanks for going with me. I know it’s a big day for you. I’m sorry I kind of lost track of time.”

“How could you lose track of time while I kept harassing you about it?”

He laughed, maybe a little forced, “You know I’m just social. I thought you liked that about me!”

She frowned harder. She did. Usually.

“I do but you knew I had to leave at a certain time.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just get carried away with– I haven’t seen these people in so long. It’s so strange, I feel like I’m right back in college with them.”

“Yeah but is that a good thing?” Alex asked. “They’re assholes.”

“Uh… huh?”

Fuck.

Her bad temper was making her too blunt, so she tried to explain, “I just didn’t think they treated you very well. All their stories were about you working really hard and them not appreciating it.”

“No no, that’s just how they were in college, you know? I was kind of odd. I’m still kind of odd!” he laughed.

“No, you’re great,” she insisted, even while secretly angry with him. Or, well, not so secretly. “I just don’t think they talked very nice to you. You drove all this way and they didn’t seem genuinely interested in you at all, they just wanted to show off their art.”

“They were interested in me…”

“And I think they were judgy about me just being a barista–”

“They weren’t, Alex. Why would they be? Your job is fine!”

“Yeah, ‘fine’ is probably what they thought– why is traffic so slow?” she demanded and began to take her coat off because it was too hot in the car. The slow down had been obvious though, a sea of red brake lights blocking them to a stop.

“Must be an accident,” Hoseok mumbled. His mouth curved downwards. Alex resisted saying anything about it, just looked nervously at the red lights and tried to crane her neck to see how much further it stretched.

For a few minutes the car was painfully tense. Alex’s stomach hurt with the restless frustration. Late. Late late late. Jungkook was already at the arcade and she still had to get her car and get there to meet him. And there would be no rain check. It was tonight or never.

Finally the cars started to move again. Alex let out a sigh of relief and settled back in her chair.

“I’m sorry you didn’t like my college friends,” Hoseok said, cracking the thin peace wide open. “They liked you.”

“I don’t think they did but I’m surprised… you really don’t have an issue with how they treated you?”

“No, Alex, they’re just old friends.”

“That doesn’t give them the right. You just see the good in people too much I guess.”

“Yeah well you too,” he retorted.

She wasn’t used to retorts from Hoseok.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he sighed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything. I appreciate that you came all the way out here with me today and I’m sorry you didn’t have fun.”

The way he said it made her feel guilty, like she’d only half done what she was supposed to do, like she ought to have just relished the way these college friends were kind of judgmental and rude.

“I thought you’d appreciate that I’m protective of you,” she huffed at him and turned away to chew on her thumbnail which she did not usually do.

“There’s a difference between being protective of me and not wanting to be there.”

“I obviously wanted to be there or I wouldn’t have gone even though it’s making me late for my own plans. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re mad at me that I didn’t like watching college friends bully you for six hours–”

“It wasn’t six hours.”

“We got there at one–”

“Yeah that’s not–”

“And we left at nearly six–”

“That’s only five–”

“Does that one hour really make a difference?!” she cried. She covered her face. “Just… drive…”

“I am driving, as fast as I can, but I’m not going to get into a wreck. Your family would rather you be late and safe, I’m sure.”

“They would have preferred I be on time,” she argued. And felt the defensive rage prickled further because he kept mentioning her family like he knew she had told a lie and wanted to see how many times he could get her to tell it again.

“Is this because I forgot to tell you I dated Angela for a little while–”

“No,” Alex assured him. “I don’t care at all about that, it was years ago.”

“I didn’t realize she’d even be here or I would have told you, but it really wasn’t anything important. We only dated for a few months and now she’s married.”

“I’m not bothered by it,” Alex said again and sincerely meant it. “What, you think I’m just being a jealous bitch right now? I really don’t care about meeting your ex-girlfriend. I’m proud of you for not marrying into that group–”

“You’re being mean–”

“You’re making me late!”

“So call your family! Put them on speaker phone right now and I’ll tell them it’s my fault and–”

“I don’t want my family to be mad at you!”

“I’ll make it up to them.”

“Just drive!” she pleaded and looked at her phone. 7:15.

Her stomach twisted with nausea. Her whole body was bouncing in the seat. She couldn’t look at the clock anymore, she couldn’t get there any faster, and she felt the wires inside her twisting almost to the point of breaking. She was supposed to be at the arcade with Jungkook fifteen minutes ago but Hoseok had made her go to that stupid cold dirty farm party with his asshole friends and now she was already late.

[Alex]: sorry traffic

[JK]: it’s cool

[JK]: they close at 9 tonight they just said

[Alex]: fuck

[Alex]: I’m hurrying

It was a lie. There was nothing she could do to hurry. She gritted her teeth before realizing she was chewing a hole in her cheek. She stopped that and tried to find a position in the seat that would make the car move faster.

“Fuck.”

“What.”

Hoseok didn’t answer at first. He mumbled curses under his breath and pulled onto the exit ramp.

“Hobi?”

“We’re um.. I’m going the wrong way–”

“What?!”

The rage and frustration left her incapable of speech at first. Probably that was for the best. He pulled over and checked directions on his phone and Alex seethed in her seat. He didn’t like to drive with his phone GPS on because he felt like it was distracting. He preferred to just memorize the route. He had a good memory. Usually that worked.

But not fucking today!

He pulled back onto the highway going the other way and Alex thought she might vomit from the stress. She was going to miss it. She was going to miss the whole thing.

She pulled out her phone and did the math.

“How far in the wrong way did we go?” she demanded.

“I’m going to drive faster. Make sure you’re buckled.”

“Hobi…”

The drive became very quiet after that. Alex had nothing to say. Occasionally she looked at her phone. Sometimes only two minutes had passed and that gave her hope. Other times it was longer.

And then.

A loud popping sound made the car jerk and rattle. The cartoonish explosion of the tire was so obvious in an instant. Hoseok immediately pulled over to the shoulder and put the hazards on. Alex immediately burst into tears. And Hoseok did too.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m trying to get you home fast, I’m sorry I lost track of time.”

Alex just covered her face with her hands and cried, the stress rushing out on trembling breaths. She was going to miss the whole fucking thing. It was eight. They closed at nine. And now they had a flat tire. And her boyfriend was literally in tears, he felt so bad about it and she was literally a liar.

Her tears actually helped though. They vented the anger that had been bubbling up higher and higher. They washed away the pressure because she’d missed it. It was over. There was no point trying to get there anymore and no need to try. The surrender took all the fight out of her.

“Do you have roadside assistance?” she managed to choke out through her tears. She sniffled. Hoseok nodded. She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Ok.”

She listened to the tremble in Hoseok’s voice as he made the call. She kept hold of his hand, trying to pull herself back to sanity. Ok. She’d missed it. That’s all there was to it. All this did was prove she had been right two months ago that she couldn’t do it all. She couldn’t have both. She’d had to choose and she’d made her choice and trying to go back wasn’t possible.

“I lied to you,” she admitted quietly as they sat there waiting. “I don’t have a family thing tonight.”

“What?”

“The arcade I used to go to with Jungkook is closing. Tonight is the last night and I was supposed to meet him so we could finally cash in his tickets and say goodbye to the place.”

He didn’t respond at first. She was afraid to look at him but then curiosity overpowered her shame and she saw he just stared at the steering wheel. She waited for the yelling and the accusations and the anger.

Instead he asked, “Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“Because I didn’t want you to get upset I was going to see him again.”

“Alex… I never told you that you couldn’t see him. You’re the one who decided that.”

“Yeah but… it’s not that I really meant to hide it from you or anything but then you had this other party and I figured you wouldn’t understand why this was so important to me. Maybe you would just think I was going back on my word or something but it’s not about him, it’s about… it’s just that this arcade was really important to me for such a long time and…”

“I understand.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry you’re missing it. Tonight is the last night?”

“Yep.”

“What time does it close?”

“Nine.”

They looked the clock on the dash. 8:35.

“Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

What else could either of them say? He hadn’t reacted badly even though she’d lied, which didn't give her any reason to puff up again. Instead it left her feeling stupid for not having been honest in the first place.

“Can I ask you a question and you’ll tell me the truth?”

“Sure,” he agreed.

“If I had told you I wanted to skip the party to go to the arcade with Jungkook, would it have hurt your feelings?”

Hoseok’s mouth twitched was enough of an answer for her. He hesitated before turning to her in the dark car and admitting,

“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean I would have told you not to do it or anything.”

“Now you can just be relieved that my family isn’t upset. Just me.”

“Sorry.” But she knew he wasn’t really. Sorry she was upset, sure. But probably not sorry that he’d gotten to take her to the party and she wasn’t spending the evening with Jungkook after all.

“It’s hard to lose things and people you really cared about,” she told him.

“Even when they’re not what’s best for you anymore?” Hoseok asked.

“Didn’t you still want to impress your college friends?”

“Ah.” He sighed. “Yeah.”

They didn’t have to talk about it more because roadside assistance pulled up then. Instead Hoseok stood outside holding the flashlight while the man put the spare tire on. Hoseok made Alex stand over on the sidewalk under a streetlight because he was worried she’d get hit. In the meantime, she texted Jungkook.

[Alex]: flat tire I’m not going to make it

He didn’t respond. For all she knew, he didn’t even believe her. Jungkook was someone separate from her now. Maybe he thought she just had too much fun at the party with Hoseok and flaked. She hadn’t even told him she was at a party with Hoseok but she wasn’t thinking logically right now about things. She felt exhausted and disappointed by everything.

[Alex]: I’m really sorry I really wanted to be there

When he still didn’t respond, she gave up.

With the spare tire on, Hoseok had to drive extra slow. It was a blessing Alex had already called it because this would definitely have had her scratching holes in the roof of the car. Instead they were both very soft and quiet as Hoseok drove back to his apartment. He thanked her again and apologized again.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” she said. “And I’m sorry I was a brat about the thing today.”

“I understand. I hope you don’t feel like you have to lie to me ever again though.” Leave it to Hoseok to give her the easy way out. It didn’t make her feel any less shitty. As a punishment, she wasn’t getting her evening with Jungkook anyway. Maybe she would have if she’d told the truth. Or maybe Hoseok was overestimating himself right now and it would have been a fight a few days ago instead. But maybe if they’d fought a few days ago, she could have made it to the arcade, she could have just sped over when Jungkook admitted he was already there.

Was that a shitty thing to think?

They hugged but it was an awkward goodbye. The night buzzed in her ears when she got into her own car to drive home. But the arcade drew her. Even though she’d missed the night, she felt the loss settle deep in her belly, and knew she at least wanted to drive by one more time and peer in the windows and wave. She felt like she deserved at least that.

The emotions of everything still had her overheated so she cracked her window to get some cool air in and stripped her coat off as she drove. Wouldn’t it be ironic to get into a wreck now? She felt wrecked by the day. Probably she was going to cry at the sight of the stupid building.

At 9:23 she pulled up in front of the closed arcade in the emptying parking lot. She grabbed her coat but just carried it over her arm and walked quickly through the parking lot. The cold air felt good, hopefully it was settling her flush. She knew her eyes were swollen.

Jungkook sat on the curb under the street lamp like a delinquent, a box and a bag beside him.

“Oh hey,” he greeted and pushed up, like he’d been waiting for her.

“What are you still doing here!?” she demanded. “I told you I couldn’t make it! We got a flat tire–”

“Phone died,” he admitted with a crooked grin. “I thought you might not be going to make it but figured I’d wait a while, just in case– woooah, hey.”

She started to cry.

“I tried really hard to make it,” she sobbed, crumbling under the weight of the day. “We were at a house party like an hour away and Hobi took forever to leave and then there was traffic and we went the wrong way probably because I kept yelling at him and then we got a flat tire and–”

“Yeah but you still made it,” Jungkook said stupidly as he pulled her into a hug. Or maybe he hadn’t been doing that, and just reacted to her collapsing against him. She couldn’t tell. She didn’t care. His arms were around her and for a moment it really did feel like it was ok, or at least over, she could just vent about it now. The worst was passed.

She whined, “I didn’t make it. We didn’t get to play anything or eat mall pizza and I didn’t even get to see you finally buy your shit. Did you get it?”

“Ah, yeah, come look,” he said, dragging her over with his arm around her shoulder. “I got the Slushie maker! And I had enough to get all this little shit. Figured I’ll pull something out when I need to pretend I was just here,” he joked, opening the plastic bag so she could peer in. It was all foam dice, sparkly pens, plastic topics, finger puppets, and Tootsie Rolls. “They were generous with the ticket costs,” he laughed. “Here.” He pulled out a slap bracelet and smacked it down on her wrist. The sharp edges hurt the exposed skin.

“Ouch,” she said calmly and then laughed at his surprised look.

“It hurt?!”

“I think it slit my wrist. Now we know why they’re closing. Slap bracelet lawsuits.”

He laughed, then saw something over her shoulder and shoved the bag at her, “Here, wait. Hey!” He ran to the door and leaned against it and knocked. She could tell from afar that he’d just cranked his charm up to a hundred, she could recognize it just in his posture.

The lights from inside illuminated the cracked door, but she couldn’t see who was through it.

He came running back, motioning, “Ok, let’s go. We get one game.”

“What?”

“One game of air hockey.”

“What? They’ll let us play–”

“Yeah, one game.” He yanked up the box and her coat she’d let drop, leaving her only the bag of goodies and an expression of confusion as she turned to follow him in.

“Tylerrrr,” Jungkook grinned at their favorite tired employee as he let them in. “I owe you.”

“Yeah a hundred bucks.”

“Dude let us play our game first.”

“Thanks Tyler,” Alex beamed at him, wishing her smile was nearly powerful enough to convey her gratitude.

It was eerie being inside with most of the machines already turned off and the overhead lights on instead of the muted wall lights The prize wall was already stripped down after the last night of trades. The carpet looked dirtier than ever under the bright lights, and the lack of people definitely made it feel like a ghost town.

Jungkook led her right over to the air hockey table, which still had lights on.

“I don’t have my card,” Alex realized.

“I think I’ve got enough.”

He did. The sound of the air whirring to life made Alex’s stomach flip. She sniffled.

“I haven’t even wiped the dirt with you and you’re already in tears?” Jungkook taunted. Alex held her hand over the tiny prickles of air and laughed.

“You fucking wish.”

Alex had the puck to start with but Jungkook blocked her shot.

“You’re rusty.”

He tried to hit the puck but managed to somehow just slide his mallet across it. They both laughed.

“I think you have us confused,” she teased.

He hit it and it bounced to the side. She hit it back, but not full force. He bounced it back. The arhythmic clicks of the mallets and the tink of the puck hitting the walls worked a magic in Alex. She felt herself finally thawing from the long day. The noise, the feeling, the smell of this place was all so achingly familiar.

Jungkook’s empty-eyed concentration, the way his mouth hung open slightly as he tried to time his mallet right to intercept the puck, also achingly familiar. It distracted her long enough he managed to slide the puck into her goal with a poor defense from her.

“Really rusty.”

“Shut up, I’m just warming up.”

“Only one game!” Tyler shouted from somewhere out of sight.

“Shut up, Tyler!” Alex shouted back.

Jungkook laughed, “He’s so excited to never be bullied by you again.”

“I’ve never bullied him! Tyler is a national treasure!”

Jungkook squashed the puck against the wall and it went flipping through the air. They laughed about it like small delighted children.

The tear tracks evaporated as the taunting picked up. Never quite to what it once was, but enough that Alex felt the disappointment of the day slide away. They shouted as they sent the puck soaring again. Jungkook whined when she shot it straight into his goal because he’d bought the fake out and gone the wrong way. She relished in his tiny noise of frustration.

But Alex held back from prompting it again. She didn’t want the game to end so quickly. And when they came to the last tie-breaking goal way longer than it should have taken, she realized he had been too. They bounced the puck back and forth, the click of it taking on a more melancholy pace.

“Sorry I cried on you earlier,” she mumbled over the whir of the machine. “It was a long day.”

“Yeah, sounds like it. Everything ok in general?”

“Yep. Fine. I mean… I miss you, don’t take that the wrong way.”

“Yeah I know,” he snorted. “What’s not to miss?”

“What about you? Are you doing ok? Namjoon treating you well?”

He laughed with his nod, “Yeah. His place is pretty fucking sweet but he’s got a lot of rules.”

“So do my parents.”

“I’m going to start calling him Eomma Kim, I wonder how that will go–”

“Oh my god please don’t be homeless.”

“Ok I do have parents too, Alex,” he scoffed. “But I figured I shouldn’t move in with them right down the street when you were trying to get away from me.” He started really laughing, like he’d thought about it before but now it was suddenly the funniest thing he’d ever considered.

“What? No…. no,” she frowned. “Don’t say it like that!”

His laughter faded out with, “Ok.”

The puck had slowed down with neither of them exerting effort. It came to a stop in the middle of the table.

And then the air stopped.

“Tyler!” they both shouted, looking over where he’d stepped on the extension cord button.

“I gave you the game, you can’t stay here all night. I want to go home!”

“But it’s your last night! Won’t you miss this place?” Alex teased.

“Like a foot in my ass. Who won the last game?”

“It was a draw,” Jungkook said.

“But I would have won,” Alex added. “If I was trying.”

“Only if I let you win.”

“Uh, big talk for the dude who can’t score without my help.”

“I have scored plenty without your help.”

“Wait, what are we talking about?” she demanded, eyes narrowing. And for a moment she was transported backwards to a time where Jungkook scored all the time with every woman in sight and Alex laughed and teased because it sure beat crying about it. Eventually you got used to that kind of hurt, it turned out. Especially when you were funny and good at papering over your feelings with really funny jokes about your manwhore friend.

Except this time his eyes went wide as he cried, “I meant in air hockey!”

“Sure you did!”

“I did!”

“Take it outside, folks,” Tyler wearily sighed and gestured towards the door. It felt good to laugh their way out, bickering again whether Alex would have won or not. She was better at the game, but tired from a long day, and Jungkook suggested maybe he’d been hiding his true skills this time and Alex did not make the easy joke about “where were you hiding skills? With your alleged love?”

“Wait, let’s take a photo. I promise not to post it,” Jungkook said before they got very far away, lifting his phone. Alex agreed to it, stretching high while Jungkook crouched to be in the photo, the air hockey table and empty arcade behind them.

“Nice. Jungkook meets his Air Hockey Idol, that’s what that photo looks like.”

“You have no reason to let me win, you’re just masking,” Jungkook insisted as they walked.

“Uh, because I feel bad.”

“About breaking my heart?”

“About being late!” she screeched. “Jungkook! I did not!”

“Ok ok no, I know, it’s not your fault you were late,” he said, quickly changing the topic and she wondered if he regretted making that joke. It was very Jungkook to make a joke and then have to walk it back. He always took jokes too far. She did it too. Especially about things that were serious and scary. No wonder they never had a serious conversation about things until it was too late.

“It’s not,” she insisted. “It’s never my fault. I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.”

“I know. I know. Ok, here have another slap bracelet,” he said, digging one out of the bag and slapping it onto her other wrist.

“Ouch. That hurt again.”

“But you kinda liked it?”

“I didn’t kinda like it!” she insisted and tried half-heartedly to kick the back of his leg. Just like she used to.

Damn she missed this.

Maybe he thought it at the same time, because his expression shifted and they both got quiet for a moment.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he offered.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.”

She didn’t argue again. He walked her to the car. She accepted a fistful of candy and tossed her things into the passenger’s seat and congratulated him on the Slushie machine.

“And thanks for messaging me about this. Sorry I missed most of it but I’m glad we got to say goodbye.”

“To the arcade,” he said quickly. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“Ok well you literally moved out of our apartment–” she joked.

“After you did! And I live with Namjoon, you know where to find me.”

She nodded and pursed her lips, then said, “Yeah, I know.”

“Ok. Well. Night, Alex. Thanks for one last game. Let me know if you ever want a Slushie.”

He waved, like they were friends in passing. She waved back but made it awkward and he laughed. His car wasn’t far and she watched from her driver’s seat to make sure he made it safely before she remembered to start her own car.

She hated that he’d said that. One last game. It wasn’t the last game of anything they’d ever play. It couldn’t be! She wouldn’t let it be. So what if they couldn’t go back to the way it was before? Could this really be enough? Just running into each other every couple of months? Making excuses to keep apart until something major happened?

But it had to be enough. That was the way a normal friendship worked anyway, right? You just saw each other sometimes and it was cool. And she had to be careful about it. Strict. She couldn’t let herself get carried away and try to read too much into why her heart was racing and it took her a few minutes to compose herself to drive because for a brief second the ugly too-bright parking lot lights had felt romantic. Or why the whole rotten day had ceased to matter when she found him sitting there on the curb, still waiting for her. Or why she had never wanted the hockey game to end.

It was just missing a friend. She just missed her friend. She couldn’t go back to feeling more than that. She’d grown up and out of that. She could be normal about him again soon. This had been normal. Clearly he could be normal too.

She adjusted the slap bracelets on her wrists, kind of ok with the way they bit into her skin, and drove back to her parents’ house.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

135 notes · View notes

judeswhore · 11 months

Note

So I had this summer holiday!jude scenario and it’s pretty simple but I can’t get it out of my head man!!

So basically yknow that really colourful shirt right imagine having a scrunchie to match it and it has like a thousand colours on it and that like that shirt. And you’re both just vibing somewhere with both of your friend groups and he’s just laying down next to you and like tugging the scrunchie on your wrist while your just talking to your friends and that. And later on you tie your hair up with the same scrunchie and it’s just giving him thoughts to all the times you’d suck his dick and he’s have to move the strands of hair that fall in-front of your face, and he’s low-key getting a boner out of that thought and you can see but your not quite sure as to why he he’s growing down there. A little later into the night you slowly move into a more chill setting, just the two of you and your friends are where you all were before and he’s just rubbing at your hip and that sounding so like moany and stuff, all like “forgot how cute you look with your hair up like that” and your just smirking at him while sipping on some sort of drink, giving him bedroom eyes and he’s like “don’t do this to me”. Anyways further on he’s on this couch and your on your knees giving him head but while doing so he removes the scrunchie from your hair and tugs it round his wrist instead and just hold your hair up in a similar ponytail style and just bobbing your head up and down for you. And after all that, walking back out towards your group and Jude still has the scrunchie on his wrist while your lipgloss is smeared and hair is a literal mess and his mates are like “where’d you get that” referring to the colourful hair tie and your mates know exactly what happened due to the hair and your glossy eyes and fucked out state.

That’s was super long

this made me go🤭🤭u and ur friends just being in a private villa so there’s plenty of little private areas and ur friends are all still by the pool but u and jude have “gone to get drinks” but everyone knows that’s not the case bc youse have been so touchy and flirty they know exactly why you’ve disappeared. but there’s a little sofa area around a fire pit in a little corner of the villa and u know no one’s gna come to u here so jude’s got u on ur knees and he’s just relaxed back against the sofa while ur sucking him off. he’s took the scrunchie bc he likes pulling ur hair so he’s doing exactly that and is pressing ur completely down on his cock until ur gagging and he’s praising u sm and telling u how he’s been thinking abt it all day and he’s just “u drive me fkn crazy always batting ur lashes at me, just begging me to fuck ur mouth”. youse are away for quite a while bc u started off by teasing him but after he’s came youse both look so fucked out like jude is just looking frenzied and there’s literal scratches on his thighs and abs from ur nails and he also looks so smug. and ur lips are just all puffy and ur lipgloss is messy and ur hair looks a wreck and ur eyes are all glassy and u look even more fucked than him so the second youse are back w ur friends the teasing starts. they’re all talking abt jude wearing ur scrunchie and abt how u look like you’ve been having a good time and ur friend wld just be like “u want me to fix ur lipgloss for u” but neither of u are all that embarrassed bc you’ve been caught doing much worse by all of them before

#hey jude :)

43 notes · View notes

strljaem · 20 days

Text

inspired by the movie “Twilight”.

jaemin cullen? perhaps.

The cafeteria was filled with the familiar hum of voices and the clatter of trays. I sat with my friends, laughing at some joke Mike had made, feeling like I was starting to fit into this new school in Forks. It wasn't home yet, but it was beginning to feel like it might be.

I was halfway through my sandwich when the double doors to the cafeteria opened, and everything slowed down. It was like a scene in a movie; everything blurred except for the person who had just walked in. A tall boy with pale skin and dark hair swept across his forehead. He had a quiet presence that seemed to demand attention without even trying. His eyes, deep and piercing, seemed to scan the room with an intense gaze. He was ethereal, like he was from another world, something too perfect to be real.

The noise around me dulled, and I felt my heart skip a beat. I wasn't the only one who noticed him. Heads turned as he walked in, his movements graceful and fluid, like he was floating rather than walking. It was as if he belonged to another realm, and I was just lucky to witness his existence.

"Who is that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. My friends looked at me, surprised by my sudden interest in someone they had clearly grown accustomed to.

"That's Na Jaemin, totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently, nobody’s here good enough for him. Like I care, you know?" Jessica said along with a nervous laughter at the end of her sentence, her eyes following him as he walked past us. "He's a senior. He and his family just moved here from Alaska, I think."

"Yeah," Mike chimed in, "they're the Cullens. Kind of keep to themselves, though. They don't really hang out with anyone."

"They're like... really close," Jessica added, nodding toward the other side of the cafeteria, where Na Jaemin joined a small group of equally stunning people. There were five of them in total, each one just as ethereal as the next. They sat together, their expressions calm and distant, as if they were in on some secret the rest of us could never understand.

I watched them from the corner of my eye, curious and intrigued. Na Jaemin sat at the end of the table, his posture relaxed but his eyes sharp, observing everything around him. He caught me looking, and for a moment, our eyes met. A chill ran down my spine, and I quickly looked away, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. What was it about him that was so captivating?

"Why don't they hang out with anyone?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"Who knows?" Jessica shrugged. "Maybe they just like their own company. Or maybe they're too cool for the rest of us."

I couldn't stop thinking about Na Jaemin. There was something otherworldly about him, something that made it impossible to look away. I knew I needed to find out more about him, about his family, about what made them so different from everyone else. Little did I know, my curiosity would lead me down a path I could never have anticipated, into a world I never imagined was real. But at that moment, all I knew was that Na Jaemin had just walked into my life, and nothing would ever be the same again.

———

The smell of formaldehyde hit my nostrils as I entered the Biology lab. I wasn't a huge fan of science class, but it was one of those courses you couldn't avoid. The room was dimly lit, with rows of lab tables and stacks of books piled high against the walls. Mr. Banner, the Biology teacher, was at the front, setting up some equipment for today's lesson.

I headed towards my usual seat near the back of the room, keeping my head down and my bag slung over my shoulder. As I walked past a small fan near the door, it suddenly kicked on, blowing a gust of air my way. The breeze rustled my hair, sending strands flying. I felt a shiver as I passed by, not just from the sudden chill, but because I sensed something... off.

The scent of pine and earth filled my nose, a lingering reminder of the ever-present forest outside, but there was something else, too. An undercurrent of something unfamiliar yet tantalizing. It was subtle but unmistakable, a hint of spice mixed with sweetness. I couldn't quite place it, but it made my pulse quicken.

I took my seat, my usual place, but something was different. The chair next to mine wasn't empty like it usually was. Na Jaemin sat there, his posture rigid, his knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the table. His eyes, normally a soft shade of amber, had darkened to a deep black, and his jaw was clenched tight. He didn't look at me. Instead, he stared straight ahead, as if focusing intensely on something only he could see.

"Hey," I said cautiously, trying to sound friendly, though my voice came out more like a whisper. He didn't respond. His eyes flickered briefly to me, then back to the front of the room. I felt a chill run down my spine. There was something in his gaze, a mixture of intensity and unease. I couldn't tell if he was annoyed or... something else.

Mr. Banner started talking, but I couldn't focus on the lesson. My attention was glued to Na Jaemin, to the way his shoulders tensed and his breathing grew heavier. He seemed uncomfortable, almost like he was in pain. The fan was still blowing, the air currents swirling around the room. I saw him inhale sharply, his nostrils flaring, and then he abruptly stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor.

Everyone turned to look, but Na Jaemin didn't seem to care. He walked briskly to the front of the room and spoke to Mr. Banner in a low voice. I couldn't hear what he said, but I saw the teacher nod and motion for him to leave. Na Jaemin didn't hesitate—he was out the door in an instant, the wind from the fan rustling his hair as he passed by.

The room fell into a stunned silence, and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Had I done something wrong? I glanced at Jessica, who sat a few tables over, and she shrugged, just as confused as I was. It was as if Na Jaemin couldn't stand to be near me, and I had no idea why.

That day in Biology class left me with more questions than answers. What was it about me that had triggered such a reaction? Why did Na Jaemin seem so... intense? The mystery of the Cullen family grew deeper, and my curiosity turned into an obsession. I needed to understand what was going on, even if it meant stepping into a world where danger lurked just beneath the surface.

#jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin imagine #jaemin scenario #jaemin ff #nct dream #nct dream imagine #twilight #kpop

13 notes · View notes

samstree · 1 year

Text

Beneath the Winter Snow (1/2)

The care and keeping of one’s bard and winter garden. Jaskier falls ill. Geralt copes as best as he can. (sickfic, 3.8k ☆ AO3)

Winter arrives with a small cough that settles deep in Jaskier’s lungs.

“Oh, dear.” Jaskier rubs his chest, coughing a few times, breaths forming a white fog. “What is with me today?”

Temperature near the coast rarely drops so suddenly, but a cold gust has swept over the little fishing village along with freezing rain, catching them off guard. Frost covers the ground overnight, lining bare branches and fallen leaves with glistening silver.

Geralt tucks in the woolen scarf around Jaskier’s neck. “Perhaps you should go in,” he says. “I’ll finish in the garden.”

“Nonsense!” Jaskier pushes Geralt’s gloved hands away. “It’s our winter garden. I will not leave all the chores to you, darling, no matter how adorable you look when you give the plants little pep talks. The next frost won’t be long, and we haven’t planted the honeysuckles yet.”

Jaskier’s voice breaks with another wheezing sound. Geralt’s worry only grows. He frowns in dissatisfaction and pulls the fur-lined hood over Jaskier’s head.

“I know,” Geralt ignores Jaskier’s protest and presses his ears to keep them warm. “Just don’t want you to catch a cold.”

The crow’s feet at Jaskier’s temples are beautiful when his smiles, understanding shining in eyes as blue as the sea. Hair peppered with silver streaks sweeps across his forehead in the wind, and Geralt brushes the strands away, tucking them behind Jaskier’s ears.

“You take care of me too well. I won’t be catching anything,” Jaskier says coyly, his cheeks pink from both the winter chill and a blush. “Come on. I’ll do the honeysuckles and witch hazels. You can trim the hydrangeas for us.”

“Hmm, just…be careful with your knees.”

Geralt isn’t convinced by Jaskier’s reassurance, but they start the chores while there’s still daylight. The air smells like fresh rain as Jaskier plants the seeds in damp soil, humming an absent tune. Geralt trims the bare branches with half of his senses tuned into every subtle cough under Jaskier’s breath.

The sun barely sets before Geralt calls it a day, the few pots of witch hazels still not moved into the ground. Jaskier’s legs wobble as he stands, his hands resting on Geralt’s shoulders to steady himself.

“Alright?” Geralt checks carefully, studying the tiredness in Jaskier’s features.

“Mm-hmm.” Jaskier’s eyes crinkle. “Getting old, is all. The good days of me walking all day without complaints are long gone, dear witcher.”

“Without complaints?” Geralt gives a look. “Sure.”

Jaskier gasps in offense, starting to ramble about how he was the picture of suffering in stoic silence, but Geralt only ushers him indoors, shaking his head. The warm air of their home surrounds them, and they begin another evening routine.

Geralt helps Jaskier out of his garden gears from muscle memory, helping him out of the sturdy boots and thick coats. He then puts all the tools in the closet, before retrieving the blankets to put on Jaskier’s lap so he can relax in front of the fireplace in the soft armchair.

He almost thinks Jaskier has drifted off if not for the occasional coughs that bubble up in his throat. The harsh sound interrupts the quiet crackling of the fire, piercing the most vulnerable part of Geralt’s heart.

So he finds the book.

It’s a leather-bound notebook Geralt keeps solely for Jaskier’s health, recording all the medicine he takes, all the trips to the local healer, and all the herbs that fill up that cupboard in their living room. The book is half full already, with pieces of notes and remedies pressed between the pages.

Geralt checks the herbs they used last time—a small cold Jaskier caught in the spring that didn’t bother him for too long. He finds the turmeric, slippery elm, and ginger root in the cupboard, but the peppermint leaves have dried up along with a few other things. He writes down the list of things to be restocked on the next trip to the herbalist.

“You and that book,” Jaskier grumbles, stretching in the comfortable chair. “Stop worrying and come sit with me.”

Geralt simply bends down to kiss Jaskier’s hair, passing him. He has water to boil and a herbal tea to make.

“Any headache?” Geralt asks from the kitchen, not sure if he should use willow bark in the mix.

“Only from your fussing,” Jaskier whines.

Geralt chuckles as he puts away the willow bark and adds a generous scoop of honey. Gods know how long Jaskier will complain if the tea is too bitter.

When he brings the steaming mug of pungent herbal tea to the living room, Jaskier deflates visibly, lips curling into a pout from the unfairness of it all. “You know, no amount of honey hides the taste.

“I know,” Geralt answers in sympathy, “but it helps.”

Jaskier sighs, wrapping his hands around the mug. “Urgh, the things I do for you.”

Geralt sits on the rug by Jaskier’s feet as he sips slowly, grimacing the entire time. In the end, Jaskier chugs the last of it with a full-body shudder, wiping his mouth clean.

“Proud of you,” Geralt says, rubbing Jaskier’s thigh in encouragement.

“Of course you are. I’m the bravest bard to ever walk the continent. Brave enough to drink this vile liquid.” Jaskier puts the mug on the table, tugging at Geralt’s arms. “Just come here, you.”

Geralt joins him gladly, squeezing into the armchair. With a bit of shuffling, somehow Jaskier ends up on Geralt’s lap, his head tucked in the space under Geralt’s chin, the scent of mixed herbs still in his breath.

“Hmm,” Geralt hums softly. “Your knees okay? Not bothering you?”

“Yeah,” Jaskier whispers, kissing Geralt’s neck. “Yours?”

Geralt moves his bad knee slightly and feels no pain flaring up. The chores they did earlier were not nearly enough to exert his old injuries. He just wants to focus on his human bard who needs a lot more care and attention than a witcher.

“I’m fine,” Geralt says. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Too late. I have to.” Jaskier sags, burrowing into Geralt’s embrace. “I made you my problem a very long time ago, in a most horrid tavern at the edge of the world. You are the one who should want to run away from all of this. You didn’t sign up for taking care of an old human, after all.”

Jaskier takes to coughing again, so Geralt strokes between his shoulder blades.

It’s true that Geralt wouldn’t have chosen this life back then, in a dingy tavern where an annoying bard decided to follow him around the continent like a lost puppy. Had it been up to him, he’d never have grown to care for Jaskier or anyone after. Had it been up to him, he would still be walking the path alone with only the company of Roach. He’d not need to build a winter garden, or keep a collection of medicine, or have Jaskier here with him, in his arms, soothed by his presence.

It would be a living nightmare, compared to the dream that is his life right now.

“Don’t,” Geralt whispers as Jaskier catches his breath. “Don’t say that. I’d fight anyone who tries to take this away from me. You know it.”

“I just don’t want you to take on too much, darling. You’ve spent the past few years caring for me. All you do is scribble in that damn book. Don’t get me wrong, I love the attention.” Jaskier huffs. “But I want you to feel supported too, and I fear—well, I fear I won’t be able to do that for you. Not anymore.”

It’s ridiculous Jaskier still puts Geralt’s needs before his, but he does, and he will always want to.

“Like I said, don’t worry about it,” Geralt repeats, not sure how convincing he is. “Everything I need is right here.”

He just needs Jaskier to be alright. As long as Jaskier is healthy and safe, Geralt doesn’t think of much else.

They stay there like this, in front of the crackling fire on a winter night, with Jaskier warm and tired, resting against Geralt’s shoulder.

The cough won’t go away.

As the days shorten and the chill sets in, Jaskier spends more and more time hacking up a lung, and his energy drains with it. The bad days will leave him exhausted. Even a good day can quickly turn into a bad one with a mere gust of wind.

The night stretches forever near solstice. With daylight waning, Geralt takes up all the gardening to keep Jaskier from the cold. He is just checking on the hydrangeas blooms when the faint strumming of the lute comes from their bedroom window.

It’s been too long since Jaskier last sang.

The coughs leave Jaskier’s voice hoarse, the brightness in his songs diminished by the constant exertion, but his spirit remains. It’s a ballad, a love story, as it always is. Unlike those famous works from his youth singing about heartbreak, this song is about a love that matured over the years. This song sings of quiet mornings and hushed conversations, of secret jokes and companionship.

It’s about them.

Geralt stops to listen as the melody wraps deep around his heart, smoothing over all the tension in his body. He listens as the song comes to an end, fading with the warmth of trust and security.

A cough wrecks Jaskier’s voice. The lute drops to the ground, the strings clanging. Geralt is in the cottage within a few strides, running into their bedroom.

There Jaskier is, perched on the bed, body shaking from another coughing fit, the rattling in his lungs like an old ship.

“I’m—” Jaskier wheezes, trying to smile but only manages a pained grimace. “I’m fi—”

“Hey.” Geralt brings Jaskier into his arms, stroking his back with long, patient movement. “Hush now, don’t speak. It’s alright. Take your time.”

Jaskier ends up slumped against Geralt’s shoulder, clutching at his chest, coughing erratically. The sharp, acrid scent of pain grows as he wheezes. Geralt’s hands act on instinct, soothing, comforting, his lips pressed against Jaskier’s hair in reassurance. None of it seems to help. The coughs pass in time, draining all the strength in Jaskier’s body.

For a moment, he can only let Geralt support all his weight, all his energy focused on taking in one broken gasp after another.

The lute lies by their feet, silent and still.

Geralt feels every slight tremor under his palm. He keeps rubbing Jaskier’s back, knowing he cannot ease the pain underneath. He thinks of the book, of all the medicine in their cupboard.

“I’ll get you something.” Geralt starts to leave, but arms wrap around his waist, pulling him back.

“No, don’t go,” Jaskier croaks, eyes watering. “I’m really fine.”

When he tries to squeeze out a smile, a tear streams down his pale cheek. Geralt wipes it away with a thumb.

“Let me get something for your throat, at least,” Geralt says gently, coaxing Jaskier to release him. His arms are so weak it’ll only take the barest force to push him away, but Geralt can’t bring himself to do it. He hasn’t been able to do it for decades.

Jaskier shakes his head, resting against Geralt’s neck. “In a bit. There’s no rush.” He huffs a small smile against Geralt’s skin. “Did you hear me sing?”

“I did.”

“And?”

Geralt lowers his head to meet Jaskier’s eyes in sincerity. “It was beautiful.”

Jaskier nudges with an elbow. “Such high praise for you. You were the most difficult audience member to satisfy on this continent. Did you even realize? For my entire career, you were always so picky. Can’t be too inaccurate, can’t make you sound too heroic. Had I known dedicated love songs were the way to go, I’d have professed my love much earlier.”

Geralt softens. “It would have saved me a month after that sleeping curse, looking for your one true love.”

When Jaskier looks up, remembering that day, his eyes sparkle with fondness. “But it was you all along, the love of my life who saved me with a simple kiss.”

“Hmm. If only those could cure coughs.”

Geralt hugs Jaskier closer, feeling the thinning of his waist and the sharp edges of his ribs. Something in his chest aches at the overwhelming powerlessness that won’t leave him since winter began.

True love’s kiss saved them from a curse then, but it’s nothing against a fragile human’s mortality.

He hugs Jaskier more tightly, somehow.

“How are the flowers today?” Jaskier changes the subject, sensing Geralt’s melancholy, exhaustion already seeping deep into this voice. “You won’t let me stay outside, and now I miss them.”

Geralt keeps his voice soft. “The hydrangeas are fine. Growing better than last year. We should be able to sell soon.”

“Remember to save some for us. We haven’t kept flowers in the house in a while.”

Geralt hasn’t had the mind to decorate since Jaskier became sick, but he promises anyway. “Of course. The pink ones for your study, blue for our room.”

“The White Wolf has such a keen eye for colors. Who would have thought?” Jaskier teases. “Come on. Let’s stop moping. I haven’t been out of this room all day. Let me at least go out in the garden, lest the plants miss me too much.”

“You make fun of me, but I know you talk to them too.” Geralt raises an eyebrow.

“You rub off on me, dearest, especially when you are being a sweetheart. Plus, they do grow better when you give them some encouragement. I thought I’d try, that’s all. Once I started, it was hard to stop. They are such great listeners.”

“Like Roach.”

“Not as good as Roach, I’m afraid. She’s the best.”

With much dramaticism, Jaskier tries to stand but his legs are too weak. Geralt pulls him up gently, supporting him by the elbows.

Jaskier smiles tiredly, opening his mouth to say something, only to suppress a sudden cough.

It’s a big, violent one that seems to rumble against his chest. Pain flashes across blue eyes that were relaxed a moment ago. Color drains from Jaskier’s face, leaving his cheeks white as a sheet.

Geralt is alert in an instant.

“Jaskier?” All of his senses turn towards Jaskier and every shudder in his breaths. There is nothing outwardly wrong, but the bitter scent of pain spikes, mixed with overpowering fear and panic. Geralt’s hands move frantically, touching and checking everywhere, not sure how to help. “Talk to me, Jaskier. What is it? What’s wrong?”

Jaskier looks like he’s out of his body, confused and unresponsive, vacant eyes fixed on somewhere miles away. He sways, before bending over and coughing up a mouthful of blood.

The crimson color cuts sharply into Geralt’s vision, stark against the paleness of Jaskier’s face. The world rings in Geralt’s ears, a dulled background noise behind the heaving of Jaskier’s lungs.

“G’ralt—” Jaskier’s eyes are round with unbridled fear, much like that fateful day in Rinde all those years ago. All he blindly searches for is Geralt. “Geralt, I…”

Geralt catches his hand, just like that day. He catches Jaskier’s hand, the same fear echoed deep within his ribs, enveloping his heart.

“Jaskier? Jask—”

Jaskier coughs again, spitting out more blood. “Hurts,” he chokes hoarsely. “Geralt, it hurts so much—”

With that, he collapses against Geralt’s chest, legs giving out. His body is light, nearly weightless in Geralt’s arms, but they are brought to the ground anyway. Jaskier’s head lolls listlessly, face scrunched up in pain, but his hand still holds onto Geralt tightly. He holds on as if Geralt is the single most powerful anchor in a storm, as if Geralt alone can keep him afloat when another wave of coughs topples him over.

But all Geralt can do is hold on in return. All he can do is call out for Jaskier helplessly as he struggles to choke in one breath after another.

It’s painfully clear to Geralt what is happening—what he missed. An infection has set in as the cough progressed. He should have recognized this disease and its symptoms. Witchers never fall to human illnesses, but he’s witnessed how many have been taken by it in his century-long life. The white plague, consumption, the names are unimportant, but knowing the danger of it nearly leaves him paralyzed with fear.

There is no cure on the continent apart from magic. Geralt has never been more thankful for the xenovox Yennefer and Triss left for them. For emergencies, Yen said at the time, but the meaning behind the existence of the small box is clear. For when you can’t protect Jaskier. For when you fail him, for when you’ve put him on the brink of death again.

Geralt doesn’t let his voice waver when he calls for Yennefer’s name. He doesn’t fall apart when he describes Jaskier’s condition to Triss, who listens patiently and without judgment. His chest twists with panic when learning the sorceresses are being held up for another two days by local matters, but a cure will be ready before they arrive.

He doesn’t fall apart, because Jaskier needs him, now more than ever. He stays by Jaskier’s bedside and watches as he sleeps.

It’s just that Jaskier is too still when he sleeps.

For two days, Jaskier is confined to their bed, only making a noise when the coughs rattle his lungs. A fever flares up and refuses to come down, making him drowsy all day. When he’s lucid, he can’t keep anything down, throwing up all food and medicine.

There’s a smear of blood on Jaskier’s chin. Geralt wets a cloth to wipe it away. Sweat soaks through Jaskier’s hair, his skin scorching to the touch.

Geralt sits through another night, dabbing Jaskier’s forehead with a cool cloth with little effect. He answers to the incoherent mumbling from fever dreams, but his reassurance is never heard.

“Don’t…leave…” Jaskier’s eyes remain closed, tears streaming down his temples. “I’ll be better… worthy travel companion…”

It’s one of the worst nightmares. Geralt’s heart breaks into pieces as Jaskier calls for a past version of him, begging not to be left behind. He holds Jaskier’s hand near his heart and murmurs his love quietly until the dream passes.

Dawn breaks. Jaskier’s health book lays flat on the bedside table, useless.

Jaskier begins stirring with the sunrise, the shimmering light under the curtains interrupting his fitful rest, so Geralt leans down to press a kiss to his dry, pale lips. Blue eyes crack open. There is so much happiness in the small, tired smile on Jaskier’s face when the first thing he sees is Geralt.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Geralt whispers their private joke.

“Oh…” Despite everything, Jaskier plays along. “You saved me, my brave knight. Now I’m all yours.”

He tries to say more but the cough takes over, shaking his whole body. The violent sound rips through the heavy silence in their home. Phantom pain echoes between Geralt’s ribcage with every wheeze.

Geralt helps Jaskier sit against the pillows and claps his back gently. Jaskier squeezes his eyes shut, dizzy from the lack of air. Blood stains his lips, grotesque against the paleness of his skin. He coughs until he’s gagging, muscles spasming and trembling all over.

“Yen will be here soon,” Geralt repeats what he’s been saying for the past two days, stroking Jaskier’s hair. “Triss too. They heard my message as soon as I sent it. It’s just something holding them up. They’ll be here.”

Jaskier breathes, and breathes, shivering against the pillows. He takes a sip of water from the cup in Geralt’s hand, and pushes it away, scared of it turning his stomach. “Just need—” he rasps, “just need you.”

“I’m right here.”

Their home smells of pain.

“Just you… No one else.”

Geralt looks away from all the love in Jaskier’s eyes, his trust unwavering. He finds shame and guilt weighing on his breastbone, overpowering and inescapable.

This is all his fault.

“I don’t know what to do, Jaskier.” Geralt wipes the sweat from Jaskier’s brow, patiently explaining. “You are sick, and I can’t make it better.”

Jaskier shakes his head in disapproval. “You make everything better.”

“Not right now,” Geralt nearly huffs. “I’m doing everything I can, but nothing is better.”

Jaskier gives a long, poignant look. His eyes dim in the way that says he’s seeing right through Geralt and finding the most guilt-ridden and self-deprecating part of his soul. It’s the same unhappy look Jaskier gives when he’s ready to give Geralt a lecture about thinking badly about himself.

Jaskier doesn’t give the lecture.

“Have you slept?” he asks instead.

Geralt blinks in surprise. “I don’t need to.”

“Not an answer.” Jaskier sighs, shifting on the bed. There’s so little strength in his body all he manages is lifting the cover by a corner. Even the small movement leaves him breathless, and Jaskier pauses with nearly every word. “You haven’t—haven’t slept for two days. You look awful, dear.”

“I don’t need much sleep. You should rest—”

“Please?” Jaskier rubs his chest pitifully, looking up at Geralt through his lashes. “I feel better when you are next to me.”

It’s a trick, an old one Jaskier uses to make Geralt take care of his own needs. It’s been working since Geralt found himself incapable of saying no to a cheeky bard who wouldn’t stop following him, and it works now, when Jaskier is sick and miserable and all he asks for is Geralt’s presence.

Geralt slips under the cover, curling around Jaskier’s too-warm body.

“I need to bring your temperature down,” he says, mind still alert.

“Shh…” Jaskier only hushes him, humming a contented sound. “Don’t worry too much. You’ll end up with wrinkles like me.”

The crow’s feet at the corners of Jaskier’s eyes bloom beautifully, and Geralt brushes away grey hair to see them. He feels his eyes crinkle in return.

“Sleep,” Geralt whispers. “You need rest. I’ll wake you later.”

Jaskier blinks slowly, exhaustion pulling his eyelids, but he frowns at Geralt. “You sleep too.”

“Sure.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Am not.”

Geralt watches as Jaskier drifts off, knitted brows relaxing gradually. He listens to the subtle scratches in Jaskier’s lungs, the fluttering beats of his heart. They are lucky enough that the coughs don’t act up in Jaskier’s sleep.

But Jaskier is too still when he sleeps, too still that, for a moment or two, it looks like the nearly imperceptible rise and fall of his chest have stopped.

Geralt’s breath catches. He blinks, shaking away the false sight in front of his eyes. He stays awake after that, counting Jaskier’s labored breaths, one after another.

It’s the only thing keeping him sane until the familiar sound of a portal appears comes from their living room, Yen’s magic humming in the air.

#geraskier #geraskier fic #old jaskier #sickfic #not sure if people still read my self-indulgent nonsense but here it goes...

108 notes · View notes

fuckyeah-dragrace · 1 year

Text

At Last

i’ve tortured you all long enough with waiting for this so here it is. no introduction and i hope you all enjoy this!!

——

It had been a long and stressful day and all Sasha wanted to do was relax with her daughter. The snow falling gently outside set the perfect atmosphere for a cozy movie night. Kerri was curled up in Sasha’s lap under a heavy blanket, staring intently at the screen while her mother gently ran her nails through her brown hair. It was exactly what Sasha wanted and she wished to freeze the picture but there was a knock at the door.

Shifting Kerri off of her lap, she got up and went to the door, shivering slightly as the chill seeped in through the glass. She opened the door and her eyes widened. In front of her was the one redhead she could never forget.

“Anetra?”

“Hey,” she half smiled weakly. She wasn’t wearing a coat or sweater, not even a jacket, only wearing a thin long sleeve shirt that did barely anything to keep her body heat in. “I know I said last time I’d leave you alone but…” She looked so broken, that fire Sasha had always known gone from her golden brown eyes, instead replaced with a trembling water line barely keeping in the tears. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

She didn’t say anything as she pulled the younger woman inside, closing the door quickly and keeping one hand on her. “Kerri honey, Mommy’s going to be upstairs for a little bit, okay?”

The little girl was looking at the two women and nodded hesitantly, her eyes locking on Anetra curiously before heading back to her spot on the couch as if nothing had happened. Sasha gently dragged Anetra behind her up the stairs. They made it to her bedroom and she sat her down on the soft blankets, the snow covering her body now turning to slush and dripping onto the fabric. She found a sweater off to the side and wrapped it around the smaller girl's shoulders, her hands rubbing over them to get some warmth back into her. Anetra was silent throughout the whole process, fighting back tears and taking in shaky breaths at all of the attention and tenderness.

Why was she like this?

Why did she have to be so damn caring and thoughtful and everything under the sun?

She was always gentle with her, treating her like the rarest of crystals buried deep within the earth. How could she be like this to her when she was the one who ruined everything, her mind screamed at her as Sasha gently dried her hair, her fingers tenderly running through the auburn red strands and undoing small knots along the way.

“Why are you doing this?” She whispered

“Because you need someone.” She said in that sweet, soft tone that calmed Anetras worries in just one breath and twisted her stomach into knots that made her sick.

“I don’t deserve that, Sasha. Not from you.” She choked back a sob as her vision blurred with tears. Sasha stopped and kneeled in front of her, her hand on the redhead's cheek and making their eyes meet.

“Anetra, you deserve the best this world can give you and more. You should have all the love and happiness there is.” She spoke honestly, feeling something shift inside her chest as her mind started to swim at all the memories coming to the forefront. Sasha took a breath in and looked at her again, keeping that longing and wanting to reach out and scoop Anetra into her arms behind herself. Anetra needed comfort first, not her feelings meddling and making the situation worse, she thought.

Anetra brought her hand to Sasha’s wrist, gently wrapping her fingers around and moving it away from her eyesight. “It wasn’t your fault, Sasha.” Dark brown looked into warm amber and she could feel a tie join between them again, slowly tightening. From how she watched Sasha inhale, she must’ve felt it too. “It wasn’t your job to save me.”

“Of course it was. I was supposed to protect you but you only got hurt and I couldn’t stop any of it.”

“You had Kerri. I was too much of a hazard. You needed someone better than me, someone with less damage.” Sasha twisted her hand gently and held onto Anetras tight, the brunette coming up from her knees to her eye level and looking at her with such warmth Anetras head couldn’t keep from spinning.

“You aren’t damaged, Anetra.” Her voice was soft and Anetra couldn’t help but fall into her words no matter how much the logical part of her mind told her to run, fly and flee. “Can I touch you?”

This was it.

This was the line they’d been dancing along from the second Sasha opened the door and invited Anetra in and now was their moment to decide. If she said yes, she’d fall right back into Sasha. If she said no, well she didn’t know how she’d recover from completely blocking out the one person that cared about her so much it was that four letter word that turned her insides into a storming sea. She couldn’t know if Sasha felt that way still. Those subtle looks in her eyes and delicate touch meant nothing, she told herself because it was so much easier to make up lies than face the truth.

Sasha watched Anetra carefully, not making any moves forward to her. It pained her to see how scared and frightened the redhead was infront of her.

This wasn’t Anetra.

The Anetra she knew always had that light in her eyes that was usually up to something or thinking about what was ahead but all Sasha could see was pain and anguish saturated into her dark brown eyes. She waited another moment before going forward and wrapping her arms securely around the younger woman, pulling the woman into her lap on the bed. Anetra gave no resistance to her actions, avoiding her gaze. She cradled her so tenderly, one arm wrapped around her shoulders and the other running through her hair.

Anetra’s heart was racing. She was trapped into this undeniable comfort and warmth and so much more that she couldn’t fall into. She couldn’t, she couldn’t, she can’t.

But she did.

She curled into Sasha’s hold, arms wrapping around the older woman’s shoulders, hands clutching at her shirt as she sobbed hard. Her body shook as everything left her; all the pain, anguish, and torment came flooding out in a tidal wave like rush.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Sasha. I’m sorry.” She stuttered in between her hot tears. “I didn’t want you to get hurt, I couldn’t do that to you and with Kerri… I couldn’t.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Sasha whispered in her ear, squeezing Anetra tightly and keeping her close. She cradled her head against her chest, pressing Anetra’s ear close to her heart as the rhythmic beating carried over the pounding of blood ringing in her head. “Breathe, Netra. Breathe.”

She hiccuped as Sasha slowly rocked her in her arms, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. This had to be a dream, there’s no way this was real. She squeezed her eyes shut but still felt Sasha’s arms around her, holding tight and protectively. She could still smell that intoxicating mix of hibiscus and fresh water, pulling her in further as she tried to run.

Her breathing finally evened out and she pulled away to look up at Sasha. Their eyes met and it was like no time had passed between them. She sniffled and wiped under her eyes. “Sorry,” she said in a hoarse voice. “I know I’m an ugly crier.” She half smiled up at her

Sasha smiled softly and stared at her for a moment before moving one hand to cup Anetra’s cheek tenderly. The younger woman’s inhale stuttered as she felt her face heat up.

“You’re beautiful, Anetra. Always have been. Inside and out.” Her words were so loving and honest they rattled in Anetra’s head. She could feel her heart hammering and one thought reverberated and got pushed to the forefront of her mind.

Tell her.

Do something.

Show her.

She took a breath in, closed her eyes and leaned forward fully into Sasha’s touch. Her arms wrapped around her neck as her lips landed against the older woman's lips. That nervous spiral subsided the second their lips touched and a wave of ease and peace fell over Anetra’s mind. This was what she missed, this was what she needed. Those smooth, gentle lips kissing away all the doubt and hurt and anguish in her body.

Sasha went still against her as she pulled away, frozen in place with her arms still around her waist and her eyes wide as she watched the younger woman.

“Sorry.” Anetra whispered. “I needed to do that befor-“

She was cut off by those pillow soft lips surging forward to hers. She gasped at the force but adjusted quickly, kissing back with just as much, if not more eagerness. Sparks traveled down her body as her hands gripped at anything she could hold, needing to ground herself in that moment if it were to end. The tears on her tongue filled their sweet reunion with a biting edge as they pulled back from each other with puffy lips and watery smiles.

Anetra blinked, reeling and in a state of shock as she looked at the tanned woman. Her arms were still interlocked behind Sasha’s head as her breaths echoed in the quiet bedroom. She could feel her lips creep up into a barely there smile after every breath. Sasha chuckled warmly and connected their foreheads, her hands coming up to cradle her cheeks gently, thumbs resting right on the apples and gently stroking over them with such delicacy and tenderness, catching the few straggling tears that tried to make their way unnoticeably down Anetra’s cheeks.

“I missed you.” Those three words were layered and interwoven with all the emotion inside: love, hate, longing, bitter, yearning, regret and everything else under the sun managed to squeeze its way into three simple words. Anetra laughed lightly and sniffled, not letting go of Sasha to wipe away more of the tears coming down her cheeks.

“I missed you too. I hated being away from you.” Anetra said softly, not waiting to break the magic that seemed to flood the room as they sat together.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was so worried something happened. You were acting so different than normal and then shit hit the fan and-”

“I’m okay, Sash.” Anetra pulled away and looked at the older woman with a small smile. “I’m okay.” Sasha smiled back at her, tucking a few stray strands of red behind her ear. They stared at each other as the silence settled around them, like a blanket almost with how secure and comforting it felt to be reunited.

“I want to be with you, Anetra. But from what you said before about not wanting anything with kids..”

“I lied.”

She blinked a few times and her brow knit together in confusion. “What? Why?”

“My family found out I was dating a woman and I knew they would try to do something to you so I thought if I made it seem like we wouldn’t work, you’d leave and they wouldn’t do anything to you. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Sasha shook her head. “Don’t be. You were doing what you thought was best. I’m sorry you ever had to be put into that situation.” She pulled Anetra back into her arms, hugging her tight. Anetra melted into her touch, resting her head on her shoulder.

“At least now they won’t be a problem.” She smiled bitterly. “They don’t want anything to do with me now.”

“Oh honey.” Sasha cradled her head tenderly, running her hands over her hair in that calmly she always would. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She wiped her eyes. “So, you really want to be with me? Even after everything?”

“Of course.” Sasha said it like it was the easiest thing in the world to decide on. “As long as you’ll have me.” She said a little quieter, her shoulders dipping slightly at the thought this moment could end.

“I do.” She took her hands and squeezed tightly, lacing their fingers. “I want to be with you, Sasha.”

She smiled at her and squeezed back just as tightly. They laughed lightly, cheeks blushing as they avoided each other's eyes. When they did look up, their eyes softened and glowed with warmth. As they went to lean in for another kiss, their lips just a breath away from meeting again, there was the telltale sound of footsteps coming into the room.

“Mommy!” Kerri said, toddling up to the bed with her teddy bear in arms. Anetras eyes widened and she pulled her head back, not noticing how Sasha chuckled.

The little girl looked up at them sitting on the bed and pouted. She raised her arms above her head and Sasha obliged, bringing her up onto the bed as she giggled. “What’s up, Kerr bear?”

“You’re missin the movie and it’s your favorite.” Kerri wormed her way into Sasha's lap, hugging on one of her arms and resting her head against her mothers chest.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. Mommy had to talk with someone.” She kissed her little forehead. Anetra felt like she was seeing double. The same amber eyes were looking at her, the same warm brown hair came down in long strands and that same warm smile.

Kerri looked over at Anetra and the woman went still. The little girl tilted her head for a moment and looked up at her mother. She clumsily covered her mouth with one hand. “She’s really pretty.” She whispered loudly.

That made her mother erupt into laughter and Anetra chuckle along. “She is. She’s very pretty. Can you say hi to her, honey?”

“Hi.” She smiled and waved at Anetra. “My name's Kerri.”

“Hi Kerri,” Anetra smiled and waved back. “I’m Anetra.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you.” She chuckled. Her eyes glanced over at Sasha for a moment. She gave her a gentle smile and nod, relaxing the tension in the younger woman’s shoulders.

“Are you staying for movie time?” Kerri asked. Before Anetra could open her mouth, Sasha responded. “She is if that’s okay with you, Kerr.” The little girl looked back over at Anetra. “Do you like princesses?”

“I do.” Anetra smiled. “I have lots of favorites.” Kerri brightened and smiled widely.

“Me too! I like Ariel an we're watching The Little Mermaid.”

“Really? That’s one of my favorites.”

“It’s the bestest.” Kerri wiggled out of Sasha’s arms and off of the bed. “We didn’t got to the bestest part yet. Come on!” She turned and ran down the stairs, leaving the adults behind. Sasha chuckled and got off the bed, Anetra following behind her. Her hand was at her side, close to Sasha’s but didn’t take it until she felt warm fingers wrapped around her palm.

The redhead smiled and looked at Sasha. Their eyes met and everything clicked into place. This is where they were meant to be. With each other, holding hands and smiling at one another. They walked down stairs, hand in hand.

Together at last.

#rpdr s15 #sasha colby #anetra #sashnetra #kerri colby #breakup au

47 notes · View notes

waitimcomingtoo · 2 years

Text

Never Been Kissed ~ P.P

chapter five: only fools rush in

series masterlist

warnings: unhealthy eating habits are mentioned but not in detail, ed behavior but also not in detail

With prom just two weeks away now, you were spending all your free time with Peter. He sat on your bed one Friday afternoon and watched you while you finished your homework.

“So what lesson are we doing today?” Peter asked once you put your school work away.

“I don’t know. I kinda just want to make out today.” You shrugged as you sat down on his lap.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.” He smiled shyly and felt his entire face heat up.

“I love that you still get so shy around me.” You smiled before leaning in to kiss him. He tighter his grip on your hips to keep you from falling on his lap as you tangled your fingers in his hair. He must’ve kissed you a thousand times at that point, but it never stopped feeling like the first time. Peter fell back into your bed and you fell with him without ever breaking the kiss. You kissed Peters top lip before kissed down his neck until you reached the collar of his shirt. Peter gulped and let it happen as his senses started to get overwhelmed. Of course he wanted this, it was just going a little faster than he could keep up with. He could hear police sirens outside from ten blocks away and felt like he could feel each individual strand of your hair as it fell onto him. You moved back to his lips and he felt himself relax as he kissed you. You slipped your tongue into Peters mouth and he felt all of his arm hairs stand up. You must’ve felt it too because you pulled away and looked at him with concern.

“Are you okay?” You asked him.

“Yeah. I’m okay. I just got the chills.” He said as he looked up into your eyes.

“So did I.” You smiled softly before leaving down to kiss him again. Just as the kiss was getting heated again, you sat up.

“Is it okay if I take my shirt off?” You asked him. Peter gulped and nodded his head before he knew what he was agreeing to.

“Um, do you want to do it?” You asked with a coy smile.

“Okay.” Peter said breathlessly and sat up a little as well. You moved your hair so he could undo the buttons of the white short sleeve button down you had one. Peter gulped again and looked into your eyes for permission until you gave him a reassuring smile. His eyes went back down to your shirt and he reached forward with shanking hands. He tried to undo the first button but found it difficult with how much his hands were shaking. You laughed a little before putting your hands on top of his. He felt himself relax and was able to undo the buttons until you slid your shirt off your shoulders and dropped it to the bed, leaving you in just a bra. Peter quickly looked back into your eyes and fought every urge to look down.

“You can look, silly.” You chuckled when you noticed how hard he was trying to maintain eye contact.

“Oh. Sorry.” Peter smiled shyly and let his eyes fall down to your chest. It was the first time you’d taken your clothes off in front of him and he had never felt closer to you. He looked back up into your eyes and cupped your face in his hands.

“You’re so damn beautiful.” He whispered before pulling you into a kiss. You smiled into the kiss and pushed him back down into the bed. It wasn’t long before Peter started to get overwhelmed again now that he could feel your bare skin under his hands. His ears started ringing and his entire body felt like it was on fire. Peter pulled away from you and gasped for air, making you sit up and take your hands off.

“I’m sorry!“ You said quickly. “Did I do something?”

“No! It’s not you.” Peter assured you. “I’m sorry. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and you having your top off isn’t helping.”

“I can put it back on.” You said and reached for your shirt.

“No!” Peter said a little too quickly. He smiled in embarrassment when you gave him a look.

“I mean, you don’t have to.” He told you. “It’s okay. Can we just slow down a little?”

“Of course. Why don’t you give me a list of things that you’re okay with so I don’t keep pushing your boundaries?”

“Okay.” Peter nodded and laid back down on your bed. You leaned down to kiss him before moving to the side a little and kissing his cheek.

“Is this okay?” You whispered against his cheek.

“That’s good.” Peter nodded. You moved more to the side until you reached his ear. You kissed behind his ear before biting down on his earlobe.

“What about this?” You whispered in his ear and Peter got chills down his spine.

“That’s okay.” He gulped. You moved down to his neck and placed a kiss there.

“What about this?” You mumbled against his skin.

“That’s good. Necks good.” He nodded his head as you moved down his body. You kissed down his neck until you reached the collar of his flannel.

“Is this okay?” You looked up at him as you unbuttoned the first button on his shirt. Peter nodded and you kept going down. You placed a kiss on his chest with each button that you undid. When you reached just above his belly button, Peter felt overwhelmed again.

“Wait.” He said and you immediately sat up.

“I’m sorry. I just- I don’t - I’ve never- I-“ Peter stammered as he sat up as well.

“Hey, hey, hey. Relax. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.” You assured him as you cupped his face in your hands.

“It’s not you.” Peter told you over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

“I get it. It’s okay. This is all new to me too.”

“I’m sorry. I just get overwhelmed if we go too fast.” Peter repeated himself as he tried to calm down but his senses were off the charts.

“Peter, you really don’t have to explain yourself. It’s okay. We’ll just never go past the fourth button.” You smiled warmly and rubbed his arm.

“Okay.” Peter smiled in relief. “That’s okay with me. I just want you to know that it’s not you. It’s actually because of how much I like you that I get overwhelmed like this. It’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because I do want to. One day I’ll be ready to…”

“To go past the fourth button?” You finished his sentence for him when he trailed off. You both knew he meant more than that, but you were too shy to say it.

“Yeah. Something like that.” Peter said softly.

“Do you think you’ll be ready in college?” You wondered as you put your shirt back on.

“Maybe. I don’t really know. I can’t think that far ahead.”

“Me too. I’m not ready to go all the way yet either. Like, I like you a lot and I’m attracted to you, but I’m not ready for that right now.” You said simply, making Peters breath hitch in his throat. You had just admitted to both liking him a lot and being attracted to him and said it like it was the most causal thing in the world. You sat in comfortable silence for a minute before you looked at Peter.

“But I’d want to. One day. With you.” You said quietly.

“You would? With me?” Peters eyes widened as his face flushed.

“Why are so you surprised?” You chuckled.

“Because I’m me.”

“Yeah. I know. I love that about you.” You told him, making him blush once again. Peter looked down at his lap and smiled to himself at your confession. You reached over and took his hand in yours, making him look at you.

“You make me feel safe, Peter. And one day, if you feel ready to go past the fourth button, I hope you give me a call.” You said as you gave his hand a squeeze.

“I will.” Peter smiled shyly before kissing the back of your hand.

“Good.” You chuckled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“So am I.” Peter blushed again and never took his eyes off of you. You got a look on your face suddenly as if you just had an idea.

“Do you want to sleepover tonight?” You asked him.

“Um…” Peter trailed off and tried to think of a way to let you down easy.

“Just to sleep.” You said quickly. “Not to…sex.”

“Not to sex?” Peter chuckled.

“We do not have to sex if you don’t want to sex.” You assured him as you laughed as well.

“Okay. Because I’m not ready to sex.” Peter said, keeping the joke going just to stay calm.

“I’m not ready to sex either. I just want to sleep next to you.” You shrugged, making Peter smile.

“Okay. We can do that. Let me tell May.” Peter leaned in and kissed you before texting his aunt that he wouldn’t be coming home that night. He put his phone down once she texted back that it was okay.

“She really likes you, by the way.” Peter told you.

“She does?” You smiled in surprise.

“Yeah. She asks about you all the time.”

“Aw. I like her too.” You smiled proudly and looked down at your lap now that you knew you had Mays approval. Your stomach growled suddenly and you clutched it.

“I’m kinda hungry.” Peter said. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. I am.“ You answered honestly. “Do you like Mexican? There’s a place close to here.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” Peter took your hand and pulled you off the bed. You threw on a jacket while he fixed the buttons on his shirt. You left your room holding hands and passed your mom in the kitchen.

“Bye mom.” You said as you walked out.

“Where are you going?” She called after you. You left Peter in the hallway and stepped back inside.

“We’re just grabbing something to eat.”

“Where?”

“The Mexican restaurant down the block. We’re gonna walk.”

“Oh.” Your mom nodded and looked to the side.

“What?” You wondered.

“No, it’s fine. You can have one night of being bad.” She said as she waved her hand. Your face fell and you absentmindedly put your hand on your stomach.

“Uh, honey?” Your mom asked.

“Yes?”

“Just keep in mind that your graduation is coming up. You’re gonna want to look back on all the pictures and feel like you looked your best, don’t you?” She asked you with a tight smile.

“Yeah.” You said quietly. “Of course I do.”

“Good. And we already had your dress tailored for prom. You don’t want to put it on on prom night and not fit into it, do you?”

“No.” You said, voice barely above a whisper as you looked at the floor.

“All right, honey. I’m just looking out for you.” Your mom said with a smile.

“I know. I’ll see you later.” You said and quickly left the apartment. You were quiet on the walk to the restaurant as you thought about what your mom had said. Peter pulled your chair out for you and when he sat across from you, he saw the sad look on your face.

“Are you okay?” He asked and out his hand on top of yours.

“I’m fine. I’m just not really hungry anymore.” You lied as you stared at the menu.

“Okay. Why don’t we share something?” Peter suggested, and you reluctantly agreed. You felt a little better once you ate something and Peter slowly took your mind off of what your lol had said.

“Can we sleep at your house instead?” You asked once you left the restaurant.

“Yeah. Totally.” Peter smiled and started walking towards his apartment as he slipped his hand into yours.

“Thanks.” You smiled in relief. You made it to Peters apartment within twenty minutes and Peter unlocked the door for you.

“Hi May.” Peter greeted once you were inside.

“Hi Peter. Oh! You’re here. I’ve missed you.” May smiled in delight and threw her arms around you. She hugged you tightly and you happily hugged her back.

“I was here yesterday.” You chuckled as she kissed your forehead.

“I know. But I’m so bored without another girl here.” May sighed as she rubbed her hands up and down your arms.

“Thanks.” Peter said sarcastically.

“You know what I mean.” May playfully rolled her eyes. “I just love having you here. You’re like the daughter I never had.”

You couldn’t help but smile at her calling you her daughter. Peter noticed the way you lit up when she called you that and wondered what your mom had said to you before you left your apartment that changed your mood so drastically.

“Is it okay if she stays here tonight?” Peter asked May. “Just to sleep. I swear.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. But I thought you were sleeping at your house?” May asked you.

“Change of plans. My moms being annoying.” You shrugged, making Peter wonder even more about what she had said.

“Okay. Well you’re always welcome here.” May told you as she squeezed your arm.

“Thanks Mrs. Parker.” You smiled softly at her.

“Okay. We’re gonna head to my room. Night May.” Peter said as he pulled you to his room. He shut the door once you were both inside and immediately pulled you into a kiss. It had been exactly 6 days since either of you had mentioned the fact that the relationship was fake. Peter didn’t know if you had realized that, but he certainly did. You smiled into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his torso.

“You know I think you’re beautiful, don’t you?” Peter sighed happily once you pulled away.

“Shut up.” You laughed and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Don’t tell me to shut up. Accept my love.” Peter laughed as well as he put his chin on your head. Your smile fell when you heard the word “love” and Peter felt the change in the mood. His face drained of color when he realized what he had said and quickly changed the subject.

“Um, do you want some pajamas?” He asked you.

“Yeah. Thanks.“ You nodded, grateful that he changed the subject. Peter went into his pajama drawer and handed you a pair.

“There’s a bathroom right there unless you just wanna….” He trailed off as his gaze dropped to your body.

“You’ve already seen everything.” You shrugged and started to unbutton your shirt. As you pulled the shirt he had given you over your head, Peter noticed something. Without the lenses of a heated moment clouding his mind, he realized he could see your rib cage. Peter frowned but you had pulled the shirt on before he could say anything.

“I’m gonna wash my face.” You told him.

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

You disappeared into the bathroom and came back a few minutes later with all the makeup washed from your face. Peter had taken a seat on the bed and straightened up when he saw you. He had never seen you without makeup before and smiled softly at the sight.

“What?” You wondered when you noticed the way he was looking at you.

“I thought you said you weren’t beautiful without makeup?” He said sincerely, making you smile.

“Shut up.” You shyly covered your face and turned away from him. Peter got up off his bed and pulled you closer by tugging on your shirt.

“Seriously. You don’t need all that stuff. All the hair care and makeup and fancy clothes. You could walk out on the street right now and knock people out with that face.”

“You’re sweet. But I do need all that stuff.” You insisted.

“Why?” Peter wondered. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know. I just do. You don’t have anything that makes you more confident?”

“Not that I can think of.” He shrugged as his eyes darted to the closet where he kept his Spiderman suit.

“It’s your white t-shirt.” You told him with a soft smile.

“What?”

“The all white one, not the one with the math pun on it. It fits you really well. That should be the thing you wear when you need to be confident.”

“Oh. Thanks I didn’t know I looked good in that.” Peter smiled shyly.

“Shut up.” You playfully rolled your eyes. “Yes you did.”

“Uh uh. I really didn’t.” He chuckled.

“Please. You look good in everything.”

“No I don’t.” Peter said sheepishly.

“Yes you do. You know what I think? I think you’re the most handsome boy in school.” You said as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I’m so not.” He blushed and adverted his eyes.

“You are. Maybe the whole world.”

“No I’m not.”

“You are to me.” You told him as you cupped his face in your arms.

“Well you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.” Peter told you. “So I guess that makes us a perfect match.”

“I guess it does.” You said before leaning in to kiss him. Peter wrapped his arms around your torso and kissed you back as something in the back of his mind reminded him that this wasn’t gonna last forever. When you pulled out of the kiss, you covered your mouth to yawn.

“Sorry. I’m really tired all of the sudden.” You said and rubbed your eyes.

“Then let’s go to bed.” Peter said and immediately scooped you up. You let out a surprised laugh as Peter carried you over to his bed and gently placed you down on it. You scooted over as he climbed into bed beside you. Peter shut off his light and pulled the covered over the both of you. You rested your head over Peters heart as he wrapped an arm around you.

“Good night, honey.” Peter said after kissing the top of your head.

“Good night.” You replied and kept your eyes open.

Peter shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep to the sound of your breathing. He woke up a little while later to the sound of you saying something under your breath.

“Are you saying something, baby girl?” Peter said, still half asleep and eyes shut.

“Fuck! I lost count. I have to start over.” You whispered to yourself as you stared up at the ceiling. Peter could hear you counting quietly and slowly opened his eyes.

“What are you doing?” He asked through a yawn.

“Nothing. Shh. You’re gonna mess me up.” You told him and went back to counting under your breath.

“I woke up and I ate one cup of cereal which is 100 calories plus the almond milk which is another 80. Then I ate a granola bar for lunch which was 230 calories and an iced tea that was 150. Then I ate-“

“What are you doing?” Peter repeated, wide awake now that he heard what you were saying.

“I’m just going over everything I ate today.” You whispered. “I’ll be done soon. Go back to sleep.”

“You’re what? Why are you doing that?” Peter sat up and looked at you in confusion.

“So I know if I was good or bad today.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“If I ate too much or if I didn’t eat healthy, I was bad. But if I ate healthy, then I was good.” You replied as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

“Says who? Who says if you were good?” Peter asked, making you stop counting. You thought about it for a second before shaking your head.

“I do.” You said finally. “I say if I was good or bad.”

“If you’re making the rules, why can’t you be good everyday? If you ate what you wanted to eat and gave your body the food it needed, isn’t that always good?” Peter said, making you stop and think once again.

“No.” You decided. “I can’t explain it to you right now. It’s just not. It’s not always good.”

You went back to counting and Peter watched you in disbelief.

“Do you do this every night?” He asked.

“Yes.” You shrugged. “I do it throughout the day too before I eat and stuff. I need to know how many calories I’ve had. It’s kinda the only thing I think about.”

Peter opened his mouth to say something and shut it. He had no idea what to say since he had never been in this situation before. You were counting and recounting while Peter watched you on stunned silence. He didn’t know what was happening, but he knew it wasn’t good.

“You don’t have to this.” He said finally, unsure of what else to say.

“Yes I do. I can’t go to sleep until I do this.”

“This isn’t normal.” Peter shook his head, wishing you would stop counting and look at him.

“I know. I know it’s not normal.” You said as you stared at the ceiling. “But it’s still something I have to do. Just let me count. Please, just back to sleep.”

Peter stared at you for a minute as you counted all over again before looking away. You went silent after a minute and seemed to fall asleep a few minutes after that. Peter had a weird feeling in his stomach after what he just witnessed but had no choice but to go to sleep as well.

The next morning, Peter woke up before you and laid awake staring at you. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he had caught you doing and barely got any sleep. You woke up shortly after him and gave him a sleepy smile.

“Good morning.” You said and leaned in to kiss him.

“Good morning to you too.” Peter said once you pulled away. “Are we gonna talk about last night?”

You pulled your head back in surprise that he mentioned it so soon and sat up in his bed. You got out of the bed and went over to Peters dresser mirror.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You shrugged and smoothed your hair down while looking at your reflection.

“Y/n.” Peter said sternly as he sat up as well.

“Peter.” You said in the same tone. He got out of his bed and joined you at the mirror while wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“I’m just worried about you, honey. What you were doing last night wasn’t normal.” He said quietly as you avoided eye contact.

“Peter, I’ve been doing that since middle school.” You shrugged. “It’s normal for me. Just forget about it.”

“I can’t forget about it. Is this because of your mom-“

“I don’t want to talk about my mom right now.” You cut him off. “We had a good time last night, didn’t we? Let’s not ruin it.”

“But I’m worried about you.“ Peter repeated as you turned around in his arms.

“Don’t be. If it was something to worry about, I would let you know, okay? All I was doing was counting. That’s harmless.”

“It’s not harmless. Its kinda starting to sound like you have an eating-“

“I don’t.” You cut him off again. “I’m fine. I was just counting. I don’t want to talk about this ever again okay? Please just let it go.”

Peter stared at you with eyes full of concern as your eyes pleaded for him to him to drop it. He thought back to what you were doing and let out a sigh.

“If this was something to worry about, would you tell me?” He asked you.

“Yes. I said I would.” You assured him.

“All right. I’ll drop it.” Peter reluctantly agreed.

“Thanks.” You smiled in relief and hoped that this would be the last time you had this conversation. Peter wanted to say more but was interrupted by his phone buzzing.

“Mays up. She said she made breakfast.” Peter read off his phone.

“Cool. Let’s go.” You took his hand and walked out with him to the kitchen.

“Good morning guys. Hungry?” May asked when you came into the kitchen.

“Starving.” Peter responded and you wondered if it was intentional. You gave him a look as you both sat down at the kitchen counter.

“Good because I made way too much. Eat up.” May said as she placed a plate of pancakes on the counter. Your smile fell when you saw the pancakes and you felt a sense of dread in your stomach. You already knew you’d spend the rest of the day hating yourself if you ate them. Peter noticed the dreadful look on your face and frowned. You caught Peter staring and quickly changed the subject.

“So May, you’re surprisingly okay with us having a sleepover.” You said as you took a single pancake from the pile.

“Well I’m just so happy that you two finally got together. You know, Peters had a crush on you for ages.” May replied, making Peter choke on his pancakes.

“Has he?” You said with a coy smile.

“Totally. I remember him picking him up after the first day of fourth grade and you were all he could talk about. I guess that was your first day or something?”

“Yeah. We had just moved from California for my moms job.” You told her.

“Right. I remember Peter talking about the pretty new girl from Hollywood. He was in love with you. So I’m just happy to see that he still is.” May gushed. You and Peter exchanged a look at the word “love” before immediately looking away.

“These are really good, Mrs. Parker. Thanks for making us breakfast.” You quickly changed the subject.

“You’re welcome. And you can call me May.”

“Okay. May.” You smiled warmly at her.

“Do you want another one?” She asked when she saw you had finished your pancake.

“No.” You said immediately, making her put down the one she had lifted on a spatula. She and Peter exchanged a look at how quickly you had turned it down and Peter felt that weird feeling in his stomach again.

“I’m just… I’m full.” You quickly followed up.

“You’re full? You only ate one.” Peter said as he gave you a knowing look. Your eyes darkened when you realized he hadn’t let it go.

“I wasn’t that hungry when I woke up.” You replied calmly.

“How could you not be hungry? You barely ate last night.” Peter reminded you. May looked between the two of you and sensed the rising tension.

“I’m just not that hungry, okay?” You repeated, sternly this time.

“Well I really think you should eat more.” Peter said and nodded towards the pancakes.

“And I really think that it’s none of your business.” You replied.

“Peter if she doesn’t want any more, she doesn’t have to eat any more.” May cut in to relieve the tension.

“I know. But she does want more.” Peter answered without ever taking his eyes off you. You continued to glare at him before wiping your mouth and getting out of your seat.

“I’ll be right back.” You said quietly and went to the bathroom. Peter let out a sigh and rubbed his face once you were gone.

“Peter, what was that all about?” May asked with a voice full of concern.

“I don’t think she’s eating enough. I think she’s restricting herself.” Peter admitted, not wanting to beat around the bush for such a serious topic.

“Oh.” Mays face fell as her eyes flicked to your plate.

“Yeah.” Peter sighed again and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Peter, if she’s doing that, she must be going through something that you couldn’t even begin to understand. That girl is probably at war with herself every single day. You need to be sensitive about these things.”

“But if she’s not eating-“

“Then she has a reason.” May cut him off. “It’s probably a reason that only makes sense to her, but it’s still enough of a reason to make her do this. You won’t get her to eat by yelling at her and making her feel bad. If she can’t get herself to eat, do you really think you can?”

“But May, she needs help.” Peter insisted.

“I know she does. But you can not give her the help she needs. She needs your support right now. Not advice. Not force. Not shame. Just support.”

Peter thought about what May had said as his eyes lingered on your plate. You hadn’t come back yet and Peter knew it was his fault.

“I’m gonna go find her.” Peter decided and got out of his seat. He went down the hall and found you on your way out of the bathroom. Your eyes were red and you looked like you had just splashed some water on your face.

“Hey.” Peter said softly.

“My mom called me. She wants me home.” You said without looking at him. You tried to move past him but Peter gently took your hand.

“Wait. I’m sorry I brought it up again. I’m just worried about you.”

“I don’t need you to worry about me. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything.” You stated, stunning Peter a little. The six days you’d gone without mentioned the reality of your relationship dropped to zero in an instant.

“I know.” Peter said quietly.

“Just back off, okay? Whatever you think I’m going through, you’re wrong. I’m fine.” You insisted, but neither of you believed the words you were saying.

“I don’t believe you. I don’t think you’re fine.” Peter sighed. “I really wasn’t trying to start a fight back there. I just wanted to make sure you ate something. I care about you. I really care about you. And I can see that you’re hurting yourself.”

“I don’t need you to make sure I’m eating. I can take care of myself.”

“But you’re not taking care of yourself.”

“Why do you care so much? It’s not like this relationship is real. We’re not even together. You’re not my boyfriend, so don’t act like you are. Just leave me alone.” You scoffed and brushed past him. Peter stood in the hallway in stunned silence as you said goodbye to May and left the apartment. Peter came back into the kitchen and May looked just as confused as he did.

“What happened?” She asked him.

“She yelled at me and stormed out.”

“Yeah. Girlfriends tend to do that.” May smiled sympathetically. Peter sat back down in his chair and buried his face in his hands.

“What do I do?”

“Let her come to you. She’ll talk to you when she’s ready.” May advised.

“But what do I do about the other thing?” Peter asked. “I can’t just do nothing.”

“Honestly, I don’t really know.” May sighed. “I’m out of my element here. Maybe I can talk to her mom?”

“No. That definitely won’t help.” Peter shook his head sadly. “I’ll figure something out.”

He stayed silent for a minute and May could see his bottom lip beginning to tremble.

“What’s wrong?”

“We just had our first fight. I don’t think she likes me anymore.” Peter said a tear slid down his face.

“Of course she still likes you, Peter. She’s just going through something really difficult right now. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you. I heard the two of you when you were at the table. People who don’t love each other don’t fight like that.”

Peter got chills down his spine when he heard the word “love”. He had yet to tell you that he had broken the promise and fallen in love with you, and little did he know, you had done the same.

tag list 💋

@ivorysdinonuggies @wvndavwsion @yeswhatever33 @local-mr-frog @laamaking

#peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n

290 notes · View notes