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slut4thebroken · 1 year

Text

Closure

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jason Todd x reader

Summary | Under The Red Hood rewrite

Warnings | angst, fluff, murder lol

Words | 4k

Notes | My coping mechanism after watching under the red hood

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

Blinding rage. That was all you felt as you stared at Bruce who was silent, waiting for your response. But even through all of the rage you still felt like you misheard him, that this couldn’t be true.

“What?” You whispered, expression cold but on the verge of shattering any second now.

“I’m sorry. But you have to understand, this isn’t the same Jason you knew,”

“How long?” You asked, completely ignoring his response.

“What?” Everything he was doing was making your blood boil.

“How long have you known?” You gritted, vision going blurry with tears as your eyes started burning. He sighed and looked away from you for a moment.

“Three weeks.” Despite your throat starting to close up and the nausea building in your stomach, you forced yourself to respond.

“You knew he was alive for three weeks and you didn’t tell me?” You swore you almost saw him flinch at your tone.

“I couldn’t have you going off and doing something to get yourself killed. Like I said, he’s not the same.” His calmness just added more fuel to the fire that was your burning rage.

“What, you needed time to “take care of him” without me possibly intervening?” You spat.

“No! I was trying to help him.”

“Bullshit! You really expect me to believe that you give two fucks about him when you put “a good soldier” on his memorial? He thought of you as a father.” The more your voice raised, the more it started to break. “If you really were trying to help him, you would have included me.”

“I couldn’t have you getting hurt.”

“Stop acting like you were protecting me! Stop acting like anything he could do would be worse than how I felt after he died. You watched me grieve, Bruce. You-” Cutting yourself off with a choked sob, you looked away from him as hot tears burned a trail down your face. “You watched me sit by his grave and cry for hours.” You let out a shaky breath, trying to calm down.

“You may have lost a soldier, but I lost the love of my life.”

“I understand what you’re feeling-“

“No!” You screamed, then quickly lowered your voice again. “You don’t. You knew-” You swallowed down a sob and shoved his chest, not moving him at all. “You knew he was alive for weeks and you didn’t tell me.” Another shove. When he once again barely even swayed, you just continued hitting his chest, feeling your rage turn back into the heartache you’ve become accustomed to. “You knew- how could you not tell me?” There were hardly any words that didn’t break while you were speaking. You started hyperventilating the more you cried and the more you thought.

Would he be as happy to see you as you would be to see him? Would he even want to see you? What if he doesn’t feel the same anymore? Bile rose in your throat at the thought. You genuinely aren’t sure if you can handle that on top of everything.

Distantly, you heard Bruce calling your name, felt his hands on your shoulders. When you finally came out of your thoughts, you pushed away from him and ran to the front door. He called out, asking where you were going and saying it wasn’t safe to drive in your current state but you ignored him. He already knew where you were going. You wasted no time getting on your motorcycle and driving toward the city.

You tried to clear your head long enough to figure out where he might be. But if this isn’t the Jason you remember, then all of that information is useless. You went through all of your conversations with Bruce and Alfred, even Dick. But you couldn’t remember any slip ups. It didn’t help that Bruce had been extra secretive this past month. Lastly, you tried to think of just anything a little weird that has happened recently. At first nothing came to mind, but you skidded to a stop once you remembered.

Two weeks ago you got a call from an unknown number, which you thought nothing of at the time. You answered with a simple “hello?” and there was nothing on the other end. You only said “hello?” once more before the other person hung up. Could it be him?

With shaky hands you took your phone out of your pocket and blinked away enough tears to actually see the screen. You stared at the number in your call history for only a moment before pressing it. The phone rang three times before the it was answered.

“Hello?” You asked, clearing your throat once you heard how raspy your voice was. After just silence, you continued. “If this is who I think it is, please meet me. You know where.” You waited for a reply for only a few seconds, then hung up.

Placing your phone in your pocket, you turned around and sped off. After only a few minutes, you arrived and hesitated. This is the bike you use on patrol… which means there’s an extra tracker on it… After not much debating, you grabbed it and climbed the fire escape. Once you were on the roof, you sat on the edge as your thoughts consumed you.

This had been your’s and Jason’s spot since the moment you met because this was actually where you had met. You would sit up here for hours every day and just talk and laugh, sometimes cry and hug. Whatever it was, it was always with Jason.

This was where he told you he was adopted and that his only condition was that the two of you are a package deal. This was where he told you he was Robin and showed you the suit, excitedly asking your opinion on how it looked.

This was where you fell in love with him.

As you cuddled on the rooftop, staring at the minimal stars above, you felt the vibrations of his chest against your cheek as he recited a poem. Truthfully, his soothing voice was lulling you to sleep, but you did your best to stay awake, wanting to keep listening. His fingers brushed through your hair, only aiding in your sleepiness. When he finished, you waited for more, but frowned when he stayed quiet.

“Another?” You asked softly, leaning your head up to look at him. He gave you a small smile and gently pushed your hair, that had fallen forward, behind your ear.

“I don’t get why you like it so much.” He was teasing you, but you gave him an honest answer anyway.

“I like hearing your voice, feeling your chest vibrate. I like that you enjoy poetry so much that you actually memorize it, whether it be purposefully or accidentally.” Under the moon and the dim city lights, you could just barely see his cheeks go pink as he gave you a shy smile.

“And I like knowing that you only recite poems to me. Feels like it’s our thing, you know?” Makes me feel special- like I’m the only girl in the world, is what you wanted to say.

“How do you know I’m not reciting poetry to anyone else?” He mused.

“Because you don’t have any other friends.” You chuckled, but it died off when you watched his smile start to fade.

“I’m not sure I have any friends.” He said quietly, placing his palm on your cheek. You furrowed your brows in confusion for a moment, the second you understood, your eyes widened and your lips parted.

You prayed that you didn’t misunderstand the meaning behind his words, then whispered, “I’m not sure I do either.” Suddenly very aware of your proximity, you felt your cheeks grow warm as your gaze fell to his lips. You couldn’t tell which one of you was moving forward, inching closer, only stopping once his lips brushed yours, making your eyes flutter shut. The anticipation only lasted another second before he moved his hand to the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss. It was a little awkward, you struggled to concentrate because of the butterflies in your stomach and the way your head felt light, but you never wanted to stop. When he pulled back, you were both panting, foreheads pressed together and eyes still shut, trying to catch your breath.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He whispered. You pulled back just enough so you could see him and he was mirroring your love sick grin.

“Me too.” You whispered back, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek. You brushed your thumb over his lower lip, thinking about how you know what they feel like now and how they’re so much better than you imagined.

“Another?” You said through a breath, forcing your gaze away from his lips to his eyes.

“Poem or kiss?” The corners of his lips turned up as he glanced at your lips briefly.

“Both.”

You tried coming here after he died, hoping it would make you feel closer to him and give you a little bit of happiness in your otherwise dull world. Instead, you sobbed harder than you ever have in your entire life and haven’t been up here since.

Absentmindedly trailing your fingers over your initials carved onto the brick ledge, you let out a shaky breath. You’ve dreamed about this time and time again, but never in those fantasies had you been so scared.

A soft noise from behind you made you whip your head around. You clambered to your feet as you took in the man only a few feet from you. He was wearing a red helmet and what looked like causal tactical gear along with an assortment of weapons. This man was slightly bigger than you remembered, but it had to be him. You don’t know what you’ll do if it’s not.

“Jason?” You croaked, willing yourself not to break down crying right now. You took a step toward him and when he took one away from you, you froze, heart aching even more.

“Jason, I- please let me see you… Let me help you.” You begged, feeling your eyes start to burn again.

“Funny. Bruce said almost the same thing.” Despite his words, there was no humor in his voice.

“I’m not him.” You reminded. “I can help you, Jay. Please let me help you.” Your voice broke as you begged him.

“You can’t!” He yelled, your heart breaking at the way his voice cracked. You took another step forward and when he didn’t move back, you kept going until you were standing in front of him.

“Please let me see you.” You whispered. He didn’t move for a few seconds, probably deciding what to do. But eventually, he slowly lifted gloved hands and removed the helmet, letting it drop to the floor. You let out a choked sob as you finally saw him- saw that he was really here. His eyes, surrounded by a domino mask, were red rimmed and blood shot, lips pink and swollen as if he was biting them.

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered through a sob. “I’m so sorry, Jason.” You brought your hands up to his face and he flinched back, but let you gently place them on his cheeks.

“I missed you so much.” You whispered, swallowing down another sob. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. You wanted to ask how he’s alive, why he never came to see you, if he’s okay, if he missed you too. But you never got the chance.

“You can’t see me anymore.” He said quietly, making your stomach drop.

“What?” You breathed.

“What I’m doing- it’s too dangerous for you to be associated with me.”

“I don’t care what this risk is. No pain is worse than not being with you.”

“I know.” He muttered.

He stood well within the tree line, being extra cautious to not get caught. But he had to see you. Had to make sure you were okay, that you had moved on and were happy with your life.

But that’s not what he found at all. Instead, he found your obviously malnourished and sleep deprived body sitting in front of his grave. At first you were just talking, he was just far enough that he couldn’t hear your words. But then you started sobbing.

You sat in front of his headstone and just cried. The visual made him sick to his stomach. He ached to walk up to you, hug you until you stop crying like he would do on the rooftop all those years ago. But he remained hidden, only leaving after Alfred had brought you back inside. He was glad you at least had Alfred, since Bruce wasn’t equipped to help people deal with their grief properly.

Only a week later, he called you. The second he heard your voice, he was just frozen. After he heard your voice again, he quickly hung up and then just fell to his knees and cried. He hadn’t felt that weak since the day he died.

“I know. But I can’t lose you.” He added, tears welling in his eyes.

“Jason, please. Whatever’s going on, I can help. You don’t have to do it alone.” He started shaking his head and bit his lip as he stepped out of your touch.

“No. I’m not… I'm different, I’m not the same man as before- the one you fell in love with.”

“I don’t believe that. If it were true you wouldn’t have come here.”

“I came here to tell you to stay away from me.” He replied coldly, but you were used to his outbursts that were concealing fear and hurt.

“And the call?” You stared into his blood shot eyes, trying to find some indication that you were right. All he did was stare back, so you moved forward again and wrapped your arms around him. He stiffened and kept his arms by his sides.

Burying your face in his chest, you took a deep breath. He smelled different than you remembered. More like leather and gunpowder, but he still had that hint of Jason. And then the sob you had been trying to hold in, crawled its way up your throat. As you cried against his chest, you felt his arms tentatively wrap around you.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. You barely heard him over the sounds of your cries. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” The nickname just made you sob harder and you started babbling incoherent pleas against his chest.

“Please don’t leave, Jay. I can’t lose you again.” You managed to get out, hoping he could understand you through your cries. You tightened your grip around him, but he kept his hands placed lightly on your back, not pulling you into him like he used to. Before you pulled away, you slipped the tracker into his pocket. Honestly, it’d be a miracle if he didn’t find it.

“Please.” You whispered.

“I’m sorry.” Were the last words you got before he was grappling away from the building.

Part of you felt bad for tracking him, but there’s no way in hell you’re letting him get away again. You just hoped he hadn’t noticed it yet.

As you walked down the hall, the voices got louder until you recognized the one talking as Bruce.

“But if I do that… if I allow myself to go down into that place… I’ll never come back.”

“Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent, I’m talking about him. Just him. And doing it because… because he took me away from you.” Your heart broke at the way Jason’s voice trembled.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“That is so sweet.” Joker… You’d recognize that voice anywhere. You could faintly hear a gun being cocked.

“Well you won’t have a choice.” Jason gritted.

“I won’t.”

“This is what it’s all been about. This. You, me, him. Now is the time you decide.” You heard, what sounded like, wood break as he paused. “If you won’t kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will. If you wanna stop me, you’re gonna have to kill me.” So that’s why the Joker is here.

“You know I won’t.”

“I’m gonna blow his deranged brains out! And if you want to stop it, you’re gonna have to shoot me. Right in my face!”

“This is turning out even better than I’d hoped.” Joker exclaimed, probably with a sick smile on his face. You could faintly hear something clatter to the floor and then footsteps.

“It’s him or me. You have to decide. Decide now! Do it!” Jason only grew angrier the more Bruce ignored him. “Him or me, decide!” The second you heard a gun go off and Jason yell in pain, you ran inside. Jason looked surprised to see you, Bruce kept his face neutral so you weren’t sure if he knew you’d be coming or not, and the Joker looked absolutely fucking delighted. He burst out laughing and you picked up the gun that had fallen near your feet.

“Daddy and his little boy wonder and now the girlfriend? This just keeps getting better!”

You scanned Jason’s body, other than his hand he seemed okay. Then your gaze slowly moved to Joker laying at Jason’s feet. You kept the gun at your side but tightened your grip on it as your chest heaved in anger. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Batman starting to walk toward you so you pointed the gun at him, making him freeze.

“Don’t fucking move.” You spat, watching your hand tremble. Bruce said your name, and the fact that he was so calm right now made you even angrier.

“You don’t want to do this. You can’t come back from it.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what I want!” You screamed. “He deserves to die. He- he took everything from me!” Your voice broke and you willed yourself to not start crying right now.

“Aw look, she’s about to cry.” Joker cooed mockingly.

“Shut up!” You yelled, pointing it back to the man on the floor and gritting your teeth. You were ready to put a bullet in his head, but you wanted him to suffer first. So you aimed it at his leg and pulled the trigger. And he laughed. He just laughed. Batman moving toward you again made you point it back at him.

“Unless you want one too, I’d stay there.” You growled, specifically aiming for the part of his face not covered by the mask. You don’t want to kill Bruce. But if he gets in your way… you have enough rage that you might try. He stopped moving, but then turned to Jason.

“You can stop this. You’re the only one who can get through to her.”

“And why would I do that? She deserves some closure after what he put her through.” He all but shrugged, gesturing to the Joker.

“This isn’t closure and you know that.”

“Right,” You scoffed, “because closure is putting him in Arkham just so he can escape again.” You understood Bruce’s morals and why he does things the way he does, but after maybe the fifth time of Joker escaping, you at least would have figured something else out to keep him away permanently. “The fact that you’re not willing to kill the sick fuck who murdered your own son just so you can keep up this little game you two have, makes you just as bad as him. Maybe even worse.”

“Batsy and I just have a special connection.” You didn’t even bother replying, you just fired the gun at his other leg, then pointed it back to Bruce.

“He’s dying tonight.” You said, voice eerily calm. “Who pulls the trigger is up to him,” You motioned to Jason, but kept your eyes on Bruce, “but he’s not leaving here without a bullet in his head.”

“Don’t do this. It won’t change what happened and you know that.” Bruce said, making you scoff.

“I don’t care. You’re telling me if the man who killed your parents was right in front of you, you wouldn’t kill him?” He didn’t reply. He just stared at you and clenched his jaw slightly.

“Jay, you or me?” You said, turning your head toward him but keeping your eyes on Bruce.

“Bats, you’re just going to let them kill me?” He asked, probably with a smirk.

“Go ahead, sweetheart. I had my fun before you got here.” You didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking.

“Hold off the bat, will you?” You asked, knowing Bruce would make some last minute move to stop you.

“I remember it like it was yesterday.” The Joker smirked, looking up at you. “Poor little Robin, bleeding out, crying… waiting for you to come save him. Why is it that you never came?” You shot him in the stomach and Jason moved between you and Bruce when he started walking forward to stop you.

“Did you not love him enough? Was he not worth saving?” He jeered, then started laughing. You slowly stalked toward him until you were standing above him.

“You’re lucky I don’t have more time. I’d like to see you try to laugh after I cut out your tongue.” You spat. Lifting your leg, you put your foot on top of the hole in his thigh and pushed down, making him cry out. By now, everything else had drowned out. All you could focus on was him. The man who murdered the love of your life. Any doubts you might’ve had were immediately erased with that thought.

“Any last words?” You spoke bitterly, leaning closer to his face. He opened his mouth to speak and you pulled the trigger, making him instantly fall to the floor, a pool of blood growing around his head.

“No!” You heard distantly, but you ignored it and savored the moment. You never thought in a million years thought you’d have the opportunity to do what you’ve dreamed of. And now that you have, it’s like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

A hand on your arm pulled you back and you watched as Bruce towered over you, taking the gun and tossing it across the room.

“What? Disappointed you’ll have to find a new person for your sick game?”

“He would have paid for what he did-“

“He did pay. With his life.” You said sternly, pushing him away and standing up. You walked toward Jason, who had a new bruise on his face, and heard Bruce’s steps behind you. When Jason held up a detonator, he froze. He pushed the button and immediately grabbed your waist and pulled you to the window. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he jumped out and fired a grappling hook up to the closest building. As you landed, the bomb went off.

“Do you think he made it out?” You asked.

“Without a doubt.” He scoffed a laugh and you turned to him with a small smile. “We should probably leave though.”

“Before he has a chance to get to us.” You added with a nod.

A week later, you were laying on the couch in Jason’s safe house with your feet on his lap. Both of you were reading a book, the tv quietly playing “breaking news” about Joker's death, until you spoke up.

“Do you think I shouldn’t have killed him?” You asked, biting your lip and looking at him over your book. He paused and moved his own book to his lap as he looked at you.

“I think if it’s haunting you, then you shouldn’t have. I would’ve done it instead. But if you’re glad he’s dead because of you, then no I don’t.” You mulled his words over in your head. Despite the fact that you got what you wanted, you felt… unfulfilled.

“Should we have done it differently? Taken him somewhere so we could do more than just shoot him?” Before Jason’s death, you never under any circumstances would’ve admitted to regretting killing someone and wishing you had tortured them first instead. But grief can change a person...

“Sometimes I think about that too. But I’m just glad he’s dead. Plus, he suffered plenty, what with you shooting him three times before killing him and all.” He chuckled almost proudly.

“Aw man…” You whined, suddenly getting sad, making him confused.

“What?”

“I should’ve shot him in the dick.” You sighed and he burst out laughing. You smiled but didn’t laugh with him, too focused on finally seeing him happy since before he died. His laughter trailed off and he looked at you with pink cheeks.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked with a nervous smile.

“I just- I like seeing you happy.”

“You are so cheesy, you know that?” He chuckled, the love sick grin on his face mirroring yours.

“I may be cheesy, but at least I’m not lit-nerd cheesy. I mean for god's sake, you literally recite poetry to me.” You smirked, making him scoff.

“Fine. I guess I won’t anymore, since you hate it so much.” You could tell he wasn’t being serious, but your smirk dropped anyway.

“Don’t you dare.” You warned, playfully narrowing your eyes at him.

I’m so sorry idk how to end this lmao

#angst #fluff #angst and fluff #angst with a happy ending #rewrite #jason todd deserves better #under the red hood #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #Jason Todd is a lit nerd

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