#Sometimes. I need them to be soft. It heals the soul | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

praisethegabs · 6 months

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Leon Kennedy x F!Reader

synopsis: starting a family right after the incident that ended Raccoon City wasn't in your or Leon's plans, but destiny decided to bless you two with twins. Now married and with two kids to raise, life can't be better. Leon finally seems to be healing and moving on, until his job starts to take a toll on him. Again.

warnings: angst (again) with happy ending, mentions of traumas, nightmares, sub!leon and soft dom!wife, mentions of: ptsd, crying during sex, soft smut, p in v, hand job, praise kink, use of pet names. both oc's named olivia and jake as the twins.

word count: 7k

a/n: istg i needed to write something like this. idk why, but the idea felt so great... i like to imagine what was like for leon if he had kids and a normal life, so this is what i got. enjoy it, fellas

"show me the most damaged parts of your soul, and I will show you how it still shines like gold," nikita gill

Starting a family wasn't something you thought about in your early 20s.

But then, Leon Kennedy entered your life. You both met before Raccoon City, and you couldn't help but fall in love with those innocent baby blue eyes. At first, Leon was full of energy, completely eager and enthusiastic about his new job as a cop. You both thought that moving to Raccoon City was a good idea, and you were both happy.

You had just started a new job as an intern journalist, and it was the perfect opportunity for you since you were almost done with college. As for Leon, he graduated from the police academy and was ready to serve. For two individuals in their early 20s, it was the perfect opportunity.

Life can be weird at times.

You both never got the chance to do what you wanted. Raccoon City was in chaos with numerous casualties, and Leon came close to death while battling the Tyrant known as Mr. X. Somehow, amidst all the chaos, you managed to befriend Claire Redfield, a teenager who was searching for her older brother. Together, the three of you managed to survive that night, even rescuing a little girl named Sherry. What happened afterwards were mere consequences.

You knew from the start that Leon was an orphan, and that he was rescued by a cop after his entire family was killed. This is why he helped Claire keep Sherry safe. However, even after that living nightmare ended, the government decided to "ask" Leon to join them. He never told you what happened afterward. He never explained why he had to attend this six-month training camp.

But he was acting differently. Sure, you couldn’t blame him for being distant.

What happened that night traumatized him. He was shot in the shoulder and pursued by Mr. X, narrowly escaping death. You were with Claire most of the time because Leon thought you would be safe with her. He never told you exactly what happened, but you knew him. He changed.

Sometimes, he would wake up screaming, scared, and desperately searching for you, just to ensure your safety and well-being. You would calm him down, talk to him, and help him understand that you are safe and that nothing is real. In the mornings, you would wake him up with breakfast in bed and tend to his wound - which later turned out to be a scar. It was a sorrowful memento of that evening.

Two weeks before Leon left the house, you discovered that you were expecting a baby.

This wasn't exactly what you both wanted, and at first, Leon was mesmerized by the idea of becoming a father, but he was also very scared. Suddenly, he wanted to be at home with you instead of going to this training camp, just like you wanted him to stay. But Leon didn't have a choice. You watched him leave, and something inside your chest told you that this would be the last time you would see this version of Leon, the rookie cop you had fallen in love with.

When he returned home, he was bigger than you had remembered.

His muscles had doubled in size, and he was much stronger, completely different from when he left. His eyes, however, remained the same. It was your Leon, the same man you had met before the apocalypse. When he saw your baby bump and realized it was his child inside, he cried. You had a baby shower, but you didn't know the gender of your baby - you wanted Leon to be a part of everything. So, one week after he returned home, the two of you got married in a beautiful, intimate, and small ceremony. Claire and Chris were in attendance - Chris being Claire's older brother - and you and Leon quickly became friends with him.

Your family lived in another country, and you had no contact with them. You were on your own, and you were glad to have him by your side.

At the end of the year, your twins were born, and Leon was there to witness the childbirth. His eyes were shining just like they did when you both first met. Her name was Olivia. Leon loved that name, and she had her father's eyes and the same blond hair. The other twin was named Jake, and he had your hair and Leon's eyes. Both Olivia and Jake were copies of Leon, and he was proud of them. After the first few weeks, he took care of all the chores around the house and looked after you, Olivia, and Jake. He always said, "You shouldn't worry about that anymore."

But sometimes, he was very scared of someone trying to hurt the three of you. So, he asked to move somewhere else, and suddenly, you didn't have to worry about work or money anymore. He provided everything you needed, and he would move mountains to ensure the security of his loved ones.

The year was now 2002.

He had to leave for a mission with Major Jack Krauser. You stayed at home with your twins and were aided by Claire because they would cause you a lot of trouble. Of course, Leon's job was dangerous, but he always managed to call you and the kids. He never used his ring while on duty and had no pictures of his family with him, afraid that someone would find them and harm the babies. You can be sure that no one at the agency knew he was married and a father of two.

To be honest, you didn't care. You knew that after the incident in Raccoon City, your family meant everything to him, and he would do whatever it took to keep all of you safe. Leon was broken inside, but now he had found a new sense of purpose. He loved all three of you more than anything in the world, and when he returned from the operation, he embraced the twins and showered all of you with affection. Something happened there, but you decided not to ask.

For the twins' 4th birthday, you set a small party for a few friends.

Claire and Chris were there, as always, along with a few of your friends. The barbecue was filled with love and happiness, and yet, you noticed Leon's eyes shining once more. A little reminder that life could be peaceful sometimes, without the horrors of one's job. You would look at him, with all his glorious features kissed by the sun. The way his eyes shine with happiness. He was so beautiful. You felt so lucky.

Olivia was definitely her dad's girl. She loved running into his arms and staying there. She loved it when Leon played with her or bathed her. Jake, however, was more of a momma's boy. Of course, he loved being with his father, but he preferred being with you. They used to sleep together and be each other's best friends until that day arrived.

They were growing up, and now they wanted separate rooms. They would fight sometimes, and Leon was always the reasonable person who would calm them both. He would always talk to them instead of doing something else, and occasionally, on very rare occasions, he would ground the twins.

You knew that your husband was happy with his life. It made him forget about Raccoon City. It helped him heal.

Things couldn't be better for your family. The twins were at school. You finally had time for yourself and Leon. Sex was incredible, and occasionally, you would send the children to Claire's so you could reaffirm your connection with your husband. Leon was very submissive, and you enjoyed being in control, making him beg like the obedient boy he was. You ruined him so deeply that you were certain he would never forget it. Even with two children, you still had the power to touch him and drive him crazy.

Until 2004.

“The president's daughter?" you asked him when he dropped the news about his new assignment. "In Spain?"

"Yes, honey. The president doesn't want anyone to know... that's why I'm going alone," Leon sighed, holding your hands. "But I promise I'll be back before you even have a chance to miss me."

"I already miss you," you muttered, which made him smile. His thumb gently pressed against your lips, while his hand firmly held your chin, compelling you to meet his gaze.

"You know I love you more than anything in this world, right?" Leon asked, his voice smooth, husky, and caring. You nodded in response. "I'll be back soon, I promise."

"Well, you better tell the twins. Good luck, Liv is not in the mood today," you said, playfully tapping his shoulder, which caused him to furrow his eyebrows.

"Oh, come on, honey... this is unfair!" Leon protested, but then he laughed, following you to the living room. He called the twins, and Olivia was already sitting on his lap. "Okay, Daddy's gotta go for a few days to fight the bad guys. Behave and don't get into trouble with your mom, or I'll be the one in trouble, okay?"

"Fight the bad guys?" Liv asked, facing her dad while clutching her favorite teddy bear.

"Yes, sweetheart. They need Daddy to fight the bad guys again. There's someone who needs help," Leon explained calmly, while cradling Olivia in his lap.

"Will you be safe?" Jake asked, as he went to sit with his sister on Leon's lap, hugging his dad.

"Always, pumpkin. When I get back home, I promise I'll take a few days off so we can all be together, okay?" Leon smiled at his son.

"Please, get back home safely, Daddy," Olivia said, burying her face in his neck. Her words brought a smile to his face as he hugged the twins.

You had your twins in your arms as the three of you watched Leon leave in the black SUV. As soon as you closed the door, you activated the non-negotiable security system. Leon needed to be sure that you would be safe with the kids, and you knew very well that he wouldn't be able to focus on his job if he had to worry about his family's safety.

"Why does Daddy have to go, Mommy?" Olivia asked, her eyes shining with tears.

"It's his job, sweetie." Sometimes, Daddy needs to save people so he can keep us safe too," you tried to explain in the best way you could. After all, they were only six years old.

"But what if we need him, Mommy?" Jake asked. You touched the tip of his nose, smiling.

"Well, mommy can protect both of you from the bad guys... and we also have Uncle Chris and Auntie Claire who can help if I need assistance," you reassured your twins with a soothing tone of voice.

"I miss him already," Olivia cried, and then you hugged her tightly.

“I know, baby. Mommy misses him too”

It was the middle of the night when you heard someone deactivating the security system and unlocking the door. After three distinct knocks, you knew exactly who it was.

Leon was tired, distressed, and angry all at once. His clothes were dirty, and he felt quite miserable. His entire body was aching, and he couldn't wait to fall asleep in your bed, holding you in his arms. You, on the other hand, turned on the lights in your room and went immediately to meet him.

The moment Leon saw you, he immediately embraced you, his face completely buried in your neck, sending shivers down your spine, despite the difference in height. Your fingers ran through his tousled blonde hair, and for minutes, words were unnecessary. The way he was holding you in his arms made you think that something really bad had happened in Spain.

"Shh, it's okay... you're home, baby," you whispered in his ear, providing some comfort.

"I'm so sorry," Leon said, his voice breaking.

The last time you saw him so fragile, on the verge of tears, was after the incident in Raccoon City. Witnessing him in that state once more filled you with fear. Right after he apologized, for reasons unknown, he started sobbing and crying on your shoulder. Something was not right.

It took 40 long minutes until Leon finally calmed down. Meanwhile, you kept hugging him and reassuring him with calm words that everything was fine and he was safe at home with you. You gently stroked his hair and often traced circles on his back with your finger.

"I never told you why I left... or why I am doing this job," Leon said vaguely, his eyes focused on something else.

"Why does this matter now, baby?" you raised your eyebrow, sitting next to him on the sofa.

"It was because of Sherry. Remember that when Claire left to find her brother, and we attempted to locate a rescue but ended up in that government facility?" Leon asked, his gaze still fixed on something else.

The memory was still fresh in your mind. They kept you away from Leon, but they never told you why. After six years, you would have the answers to this issue.

"That day, they started questioning me, and because I possessed the skills they were seeking, they expressed their desire for me to join them. I only managed to get us out of there because of that," Leon says, his eyes cast downward as if he were ashamed. "But the thing is... they never asked me to join them."

You raised your eyebrows again, confused by his sudden revelation. You knew from the beginning that something - or someone - was being used to make him stay. He finally looks at you, his eyes shining with tears once more.

"They forced me. They said they would kill us if I didn't say yes... and I had no other choice. I asked them to leave you out of this, and I would work for them... I just wanted to keep you safe," Leon sobs again, burying his face in his hands, his voice cracking. "But this last mission... God... the things I saw and did..."

You decided to let him vent. Whatever happened, there was enough to break the wall that Leon had built over the past six years. He was finally allowing himself to feel his emotions, and you wouldn't interrupt him.

"These villagers, they were insane. Controlled by a parasite called Las Plagas, they transformed into monstrous creatures, their heads exploding and their forms becoming grotesque." Leon continued to sob, as the memories of the events in Spain flooded back into his mind. "The cult leader also infected me. He almost turned me into his pet, using the plaga inside me to torture and control my body and mind."

And then, he sobbed again. Seeing your husband hurt like that breaks your heart. Since Raccoon City, you have always been the tough one. You never showed any signs of sadness or trauma because you knew Leon needed your support. Eventually, what happened there stays in the past. But for him, it was completely different.

Gently, you embraced him once more, his head resting on your neck and his breath caressing your skin gently. You felt his warm tears on your robe, but this wasn't something that you cared about at the moment.

"I can't fall asleep... I keep seeing those things over and over again. I see Saddler, Mendez, Salazar, and Krauser," Leon sobs one more time, holding you tightly in his arms. You raised your eyebrows, surprised to hear that name after all these years. "He didn't die. He kidnapped Ashley. He was working for them. I had to fight him, I had to kill him."

"Sweetheart, none of this is your fault," you whispered, trying to calm him once more. Your words were full of assurance.

"He tried to kill Luis and me. I felt so betrayed. I thought he had died two years ago... but he was working for Saddler. He died because of power, something so stupid," Leon said, his eyes closed as he replayed everything in his head. "I just can't believe it. I thought it could be different..."

"Well, you brought Ashley home safely. You did it, and then you managed to come home for us too," you smiled kindly, using your thumb to wipe the tears from his face. "You're here with us, safe and sound again."

"I'm so tired, baby," Leon whispered to you, his eyes still closed as he started to calm down again. "It is always the same bullshit”

"I know," you said, taking a deep breath. "But I'm here, and nothing will hurt you."

You noticed a slight smirk on his lips, and both of you remained there for a while.

You knew that his missions left him stressed and tired. Sometimes he would be gone for weeks, and it always made you anxious because you were scared he wouldn't come back. But you knew Leon better than anyone else. He would always come home.

"Daddy!" "Daddy!" Olivia jumped into his arms when she saw him in the kitchen in the morning.

"Good morning, princess," Leon chuckled, holding her in his strong embrace. "Someone missed me, huh?"

"Where's Jake?" you asked Olivia, noticing that her brother didn't come downstairs for breakfast.

"He's in his room, Mommy," Olivia said, hugging Leon tightly. "I told him to come down and see Daddy, but he didn't want to."

"Ok, I'll take care of it," Leon sighs, gently placing Olivia on the ground and kissing you on the forehead.

You smiled and nodded your head. As Leon went to Jake's room, your daughter helped you prepare breakfast. Gently, Leon knocked on Jake's door before entering. He saw his little boy lying on his bed, with his eyes closed. His room was filled with blue adhesive posters, scattered bears, and toys.

"Hey, big boy. What happened?” Leon asked, sitting on the edge of Jake's bed, with his hand on his son's shoulder.

"I had a bad dream," Jake whispered, trying to hide under the blankets.

"A bad dream? Wanna talk about it?" Leon asked again, gently holding Jake's hand and stroking his hair.

"I saw a man hurting you, Daddy... I felt it too," his baby blue eyes then shined with tears.

"Well, Daddy's back home safe and sound, you see? There's nothing to be worried about, okay? While I'm here, no one will hurt you," Leon smiled, his voice calm and soft, as always. "Now, let's go eat breakfast, or your mom will definitely ground us."

Jake nodded smiling and Leon lifted him onto his shoulders. They walked downstairs together for breakfast, with Leon carrying his child. He placed Jake in the chair, sitting between the twins. Olivia and Jake enjoyed their pancakes with juice, while you and Leon had your favorite meal. Such a warm way to welcome him home.

"Daddy, I did something for you," Olivia said. Then, she ran to the living room and returned with a piece of paper. "I was waiting for you to come back."

"This is so beautiful, princess. I loved it," Leon smiled, as he observed the drawing she made of the family. "Thank you, baby girl."

"Jake drew too," you said, noticing that Jake was away. He seemed sad. "Right, baby?"

"Yes, I did," he nodded, then he ate another slice of his pancake. Your shared glance with Leon conveyed what words couldn't.

A few hours later, Olivia and Jake were playing in the garden, while Leon and you were casually lying on the sofa, watching the twins from the window. He was between your legs, and your fingers were gently running through his disheveled hair. His breath was calm, and he appeared tired, but at least he managed to sleep for the rest of the night.

"I'm worried about him," you sighed to Leon, your eyes locked on Jake as he played with his sister.

"Do you think we need therapy?" Leon's eyes met yours as he lifted his head to get a better view.

"I think he misses you, Lee. Let's be honest, Olivia is like your baby girl, and I think Jake feels that you give her too much attention," you said, analyzing the two.

"Right, babe. I'll fix that, I promise," Leon smirks, passionately kissing your hand.

"Take him to a boys' day or something. I'm sure he'll love spending some time with his dad," you suggested, smiling and leaning in to kiss his forehead.

"Alright, I promise I'll spend some time with Jake. I don't want to miss anything," Leon smiled again, then he leaned in to kiss you.

"Ew, that's disgusting!" Olivia shouted. Then, you glanced at your daughter and smiled mischievously at Leon. Both of you then ran after Jake and Olivia, giving them each a kiss.

2006 was a terrible year.

You knew that someday you would have to explain to the twins the true nature of Leon's job. You thought you would have time for it. Instead, his job decided to rush things, and now you have to deal with it alone.

Leon had gone to investigate something in China, and for some reason, you felt uncomfortable with the idea. Since his mission to Spain, he has completely changed again. Of course, you loved spending more time with him, and the twins loved the idea as well, but he seemed a little sad. Every time you tried to talk and understand what was going on, he would shut himself off and change the subject.

Just like what happened after the incident in Raccoon City.

You were at home when you heard about a submarine exploding and rumors circulating about the Chinese being behind the attack. The last time you had actually spoken to Leon, he was on his way to catch a submarine. Your heart sank at the possibility of him being killed, but somehow, you decided to remain positive. Leon would never leave you alone; he always finds a way to come back home.

But then, just as you were about to tell the twins, Leon returned.

This was the first time you had a fight with him. You needed to tell him how distant he was and the fact that he almost died made you freak out. He needed to open his eyes because he had been away from home since Spain, and you were trying everything in your power to make him see what he was losing.

And right after the fight, Leon attempted to reconcile and make amends.

He was more present at home, spending more time with you and the children. He was being more passionate and caring than ever before, treating you in the best way he could. Even so, he still had nightmares. One night, he woke up abruptly, his face and chest drenched in sweat, his breath labored, and his eyes filled with fear and panic.

"Babe, I'm here. It's okay, it wasn't real. It was only a bad dream," you said soothingly, hugging him tightly and stroking his hair to provide comfort.

"Shit... I-I can't sleep," he muttered, trying to catch his breath. He was very scared.

"Take a few deep breaths with me," you said, placing your hand on his chest and feeling his rapid heartbeat. Leon held your hand for support, to confirm that it was indeed real.

He never told you what his nightmare was about. You attempted to engage in conversation with him, but he mentioned something about terror and fear, implying that it would be better to avoid discussing it. Eventually, after a few weeks, he told you about Jason and what had happened in China. If Jason wanted to scare him, he successfully did that.

You hated Jason more than ever.

After the events of the Eastern Slav Civil War in 2011, Leon decided to quit USSTRATCOM for good. He told you what happened there and expressed his disgust towards the current government. He expressed his anger and stress by fucking you forcefully. Thankfully, the twins were at Claire's, so they couldn't hear your pornographic moans.

Now, he was working for DSO, and he seemed happy.

It was a very peculiar routine. Leon was called during a family quality time and was gone for weeks. When he returned, he would be exhausted to the core, stressed, and angry. The only way to relieve his tension was by using your gentle touch.

Jake and Olivia were at an age where they enjoyed spending time with friends. You didn't mind letting Olivia go to her best friend's house for a sleepover while Jake had fun with his own group. And when you had the house all to yourself, Leon would not only find a good massage but also the perfect stress relief.

"Beg to come, my good boy," you teased, slowing down your hands on his erect penis.

"P-please... let me cum, please,” he moaned so loudly that you knew your neighbors would hear him pleading with you. "F-fuck, I can't take it anymore."

"Again," you demanded, smiling teasingly as you continued to move your hand slowly. You watched as he desperately tried to find some friction, lifting his hips into your hand.

"Please, let me cum, babe,” he whined aloud, tears streaming down his cheeks as he gripped the sheets beneath him, burying his head in the pillow and closing his eyes. “Pleasepleaseplease I'll be your good boy.”

"The light is green," you whispered in his ear, biting his earlobe. With the trigger words, Leon released himself into your hands, emitting a loud moan that left you satisfied with your performance. His body jerks with the sudden release of pleasure, and he tries to catch his breath again.

“I love you,” he says.

It was 2013, and you were at home, focusing on your paperwork for DSO since your children were teenagers, and you had time to work again. Jake was at soccer practice, Olivia was with her friends at the theater extra class, and you were alone with Cookie, the stray black and white cat that Leon adopted a few months ago.

Suddenly, you heard the news about President Benford being killed. At the same time, someone called you. It was Hunnigan.

She told you Leon was accused of killing the president while on a mission with Helena Harper from the CIA, and he was apparently MIA. You fell onto the couch, your heart beating faster inside your chest. You knew Leon would never betray his own country like that. Not only that, but you knew him better than anyone else. You knew what was about to happen. Immediately, you went to pick up the twins, driving them home in such a hurry that they didn’t understand what was going on.

“Mom, is there something wrong with dad?” Jake asked, checking his phone with a worried expression. “The president died? Is all over the news”

“I’ll explain when we get back home” You sighed heavily, your heart beating faster and your hands shaking completely.

“Is he okay?” Olivia glanced at you, trying to find any assurance. In response, you just bite your lip.

You said nothing. When you parked in front of your house, you took the twins inside in such a hurry that they started to get anxious. They could definitely tell something was wrong. You closed the curtains and checked the entire place, and when you found nothing, you finally relaxed.

“Your dad went on a meeting with the president earlier, but I don’t know what went wrong, but he had to kill the president,” you finally said, after sitting with the twins on the sofa. Olivia gasped in shock as Jake remained with his Stoic expression, just like his father. “And at the moment, he’s missing in action”

If you could protect your children from the truth and the whole world, you would without hesitation. The look of sadness on their faces, the way they leaned in for your support — it all broke your heart. Olivia was crying quietly, Jake was in shock, and once more, it was your responsibility to be the tough one.

The three of you remained in the living room as your embrace protected the twins, giving them the comfort they needed. At any time, you knew you would receive secret agents at your door, but you had no patience to deal with them. Deep down, you knew that Leon was alive. He needed to be.

But eventually, after a few days, you started to question if he really died. The twins were at home with you, as you decided to keep them at home after being dismissed from class due to personal reasons. The house, once full of laughs, jokes, and love, was now silent and cold. You were dead worried, waiting for any sign or call from Leon or Hunnigan. Olivia barely left her room, and Jake tried to stay positive, giving you the support you also needed.

Until he crossed the door.

The moment Leon walked inside the house, it was like he brought back the light. It was like the missing piece had finally found its way back. Olivia and Jake jumped on him, and for a very long time, tears and sobs were the only symphony inside the place. You were looking at him like he was your sun, the warmth and kindness that always finds a way to melt your heart. He glances at you, and he smiles.

He opens his arms, and when he embraces you, this is exactly where he needs to be.

“I had no other choice. He got infected,” Leon later said, when the four of you were having a family quality time. “And Simmons tried to blame me to cover up for his crimes”

“But you got him, right?” Jake asked, eating his popcorn and focusing his attention on his father.

“Well, kiddo, if I didn’t, I would be dead by now.” Leon chuckles, stroking your hand as you lay comfortably on his chest, smiling.

“Why do you keep doing this, dad?” Olivia asked, sighing. Leon hesitated for a moment. This was a subject never spoken in your family.

“Back in 1998, right after I met your mom, I had recently graduated from the Police Academy, and your mom was about to start as an intern. We decided to move to Raccoon City so we could start a life together, but one week before, I got a call telling me I shouldn’t go. I don’t know why I ignored that call, but we went anyway.” Leon sighed, his eyes looking somewhere else. He never liked talking about Raccoon City. “When we arrived, the city was drowned in chaos, death, and zombies. It was a living nightmare. But at least we met Claire and Sherry, a little girl who was alone. We managed to survive the night, barely escaping the city. The entire city was wiped away the next morning, and when we tried to find a rescue, we ended up in a government facility. I made a deal that day in exchange for keeping your mom and Sherry safe, I joined their top-secret program. One week before I left, your mom told me she was pregnant"

Both Olivia and Jake were surprised to hear about the incident. Sure, everyone knew, but knowing their parents were there and somehow survived was very different. Now, at least, they knew the true nature of Leon’s job and why he did what he did. But, the most important thing in the world, they knew Leon would do everything in his power to keep his family safe.

One year later, in 2014, however, things turned unexpectedly.

Leon decided to go on a vacation in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado after his entire team was killed by a mole. He drowned himself in alcohol, and he clearly was struggling with depression. After everything he went through, he was losing himself again. It was morning when you woke up alone in the hotel room, his side cold and empty. His blonde hair was now dark, he had a beard growing up, and his eyes weren’t shining like usual.

You found him already drinking his sorrows away.

“Babe, you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” you sighed, sitting on his side, holding his hand and squeezing it softly.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this anymore.” Leon muttered, his eyes focused on his own drink and avoiding your gaze. “I had to watch them die… I had to shoot them in the morgue. I lost them all”

“And do you think drinking heavily will ease the pain, Lee? You can’t bring them back, and I know it hurts, but this wasn’t your fault. You tried, I know you did… but sometimes things don’t happen the way we want them to happen,” you sighed again, still holding his hand.

He was shattered inside. Losing his entire team in front of his eyes made him regret every decision he ever made. He was disgusted by himself and found solace in alcohol, which you hated.

“It's a little bit early to be that deep in the bottle, Leon,” you heard Chris say, getting closer with Rebecca.

You smirk, and Leon sighs. He’s going again on a new mission.

When he came back from this mission with Chris, he seemed different. Although his arm seemed to be hurt, he was acting differently. Whatever happened between him and Chris, it worked to make him open his eyes. He enjoyed the rest of his vacation, cutting out alcohol permanently and spending more time with his family.

He eventually told you about Arias and what happened in New York. Likewise, he told you about Maria.

Leon was, again, healing. It was a very slow process, but he had his family to remind him that life could be beautiful and happy. He had you by his side, and even after sixteen years since Raccoon City, he was still alive, and nothing bad really happened to you or the twins. Now, he was making his dad jokes again, laughing and smiling more than ever. His presence at home was more frequent, and he definitely decided to stay more with you.

On the weekends, he would take you and the twins to some random beach, have a picnic, or go camping outside. The family portraits were happier than the previous ones, and slowly, he was starting to show the first signs of his age hitting him. His body wasn’t the same as before, but you didn’t care. To you, he would always be the Leon you met in his 20s.

A year later, everything was normal again.

“Ok, slow down. I know you want to go see this prison, but I’m not Flash!” You shouted at Jake while he was speaking aloud about Alcatraz. “Liv, are you ready?”

“Mom, why do you keep treating me like I’m a baby?” Jake rolled his eyes, finally meeting you in the living room, his phone on his left ear.

“Well, you might be sixteen, but you’re still my baby.” You teased him by kissing his forehead.

You drove to get the boat to Alcatraz Island because Jake had been asking you for the entire month. He had this history project, and since you were the cool parent, you decided to take him and Olivia on a small trip to the island because Leon was too busy at work, and you wanted to enjoy San Francisco since their vacation was ending.

But something went wrong.

You three were at the cell block when everyone started to scream and run. You grabbed Jake and Olivia by their hands and entered one of the cells, locking it. Whatever was happening, their safety was your priority. You took a gun from your purse, ready to keep your children safe.

“Mom… I-I don’t feel good,” Jake muttered, sliding against the walls. He was pale and sweating, and his breath was very shallow.

“What happened, baby? What's wrong?” You asked desperately, trying to find any sign of a bite or any other wound. “Are you hurt? Olivia, help me lay him in bed"

But then the same thing happened to Olivia. You were desperate, and their phones were missing. Now, they were struggling against something you couldn’t know what it was, and there was no way to call for help. You sat with them, stroking their heads and whispering soothing words, fighting to keep tears in your eyes. You saw a blonde woman standing on the other side, half of her face covered by her own hair. She watched you with an awful smirk and disdain.

“Who are you?” you asked, your hand slightly reaching your gun.

“I’m the one who will make your husband pay for killing my father,” the mysterious blonde said angrily. “I’ll make him watch your children rip you apart and see him kill everything he loves. And then I’ll make him suffer”

“You’re stupid to think he’ll fall for that,” you said, smiling, but deep down, you knew you were scared. “He’ll beat the living shit out of you just because you thought you could harm us”

She smirks.

“Yeah, if I were you, I’d be worrying about my own skin by now”

“Well, if you think I’ll leave my children alone, you’re wrong. You better find Leon before I find you, because no one fucks with my family and gets away with it,” you threatened with cold, dead eyes, and she seemed to back off.

“Badass, mom,” Jake smirks, holding your hand tight.

“Don’t worry, sweetie. Dad’s coming,” you whispered to the twins softly.

You had no idea how she found out about your family, but this wasn’t important at the moment. You had calmed them both, knowing they were struggling with the infection. Seeing them suffer made you angry, and whoever she was, you would go after her and make her pay for hurting your babies. You had no notion of time, but you heard someone. It was Chris and Claire, they were also infected. You hated being the one spared, but you knew you were running out of time.

“Are you guys okay?” You asked both Chris and Claire, hearing them groan in pain.

“Yeah… how about the kids?” Chris asked you back, followed by a groan.

“They’re infected…” you sighed. “I don’t know, it happened quick”

You heard a loud thud. Two people were walking inside the cell block, and then you heard him scream your name, running immediately to you. Desperation floated in his eyes as he saw his twins.

“Babe, are you okay? Are you hurt?” Leon asked with desperation in his voice. He managed to open the cell, hugging you tight. “What happened to the twins?”

“That little bitch infected them,” you muttered, kneeling next to Olivia.

“Maria? Where is she?” Leon asked again, holding Jake in his lap. “Hold on, big boy. Daddy's here”

“Dad… it hurts,” Jake hissed, closing his eyes. Olivia reached for his hand, trying to squeeze it.

“I know, but I need you to hang on just a little bit. I promise I’ll take you home safe,” Leon said, stroking Jake’s hair and, with his other hand, holding Olivia’s.

As soon as Rebecca arrived, she injected the vaccine into the twins, Chris and Claire. Jill had to leave to face Dylan by herself. It was time to end this. As soon as the twins recovered from the infection, you sat next to them with a serious look on your face.

“I need you two to go with Claire and Rebecca. Jake, you need to protect your sister, okay? I’m counting on you two,” you said to them. “Me and Dad will be back for you when we finish. Go, now!” As they leave with Claire and Rebecca, you take your gear.

“You look so sexy when you’re angry,” Leon teased as you two walked to the armory room.

“Keep teasing me like that, and I’ll have to teach you a lesson” You wink at him, which makes him giggle.

Maria was waiting for both of you in the armory room. After an intense fight, Leon managed to kick her, impaling her into some broken metal pipes. She looked at you, and you leaned closer, pointing your gun into her head.

“I told you. No one fucks with my family,” you hissed angrily, right before she dropped dead on the floor.

Alcatraz was a terrible experience. Leon had his face almost purple after being beaten up by Maria, and the twins were exhausted. At least your family is intact again. You were with Rebecca, Chris, Claire, Jill, and Leon outside. He seemed distressed, so you hugged him tightly, kissing his shoulder gently.

“I almost lost them,” he said, looking at the twins laughing with Chris. “And you”

“We’re here,” you said to him, looking into his blue eyes and placing your cheek peacefully on his shoulder.

“I’ll quit.” Leon looks at you. “I’m coming home, and I’ll never leave you again”

You smiled, holding his hand. No matter what happens, at the end of the day, Leon always comes home.

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harmoonix · 1 year

Text

•| ⊱✿⊰ |••| ⊱✿⊰ |••| ⊱✿⊰ |•

🌪Astrology Notes🌪

Where the North wind meets the sea

There's a river full of memory

In her waters, deep and true

Lie the answers and a path for you

══════ •『 ♡ 』• ══════

Moon - Ascendant aspects: The native can look very angelic and warm when you met them, they might be very warm and you feel like safe when you are around them. These natives can look very soft and have very soft body & face features

Jupiter - Ascendant harmonious aspects: The native can have a very prominent part of the body who takes them in evidence, this aspect is most like 'Born to succeed', you can often feel like the universe is on your side and helps you (Especially if you have Jupiter in 12th house omg you're lucky)

Jupiter - Mars aspects: The native has an inner fire in their hearts and very much dominating and king energy here (king can be applied for both genders if you know what i mean), they might take everything as a competition and they are not afraid to risk

Jupiter in the 7th house or aspecting the 7th house lord: Jupiter might blessed the native with love and harmonious relationships but here comes the lessons too, you need to learn what kind of people deserves your love (Don't forget 7th house is the house of enemies/hidden enemies too) so be aware of what people you have around and what kind of relationships you have with them

7th house lord aspecting the 9th house lord: You might met your specific person while traveling or at highschool/university/college, at church, occults, your s.p can be also very interested in magic and religion

7th house lord aspecting the 10th house lord: You might met your specific person at work, while you work, at some point in your career and sometimes can mean that you can date your boss or someone closes to your boss an authority person

Jupiter in the 4th house might be an placement for having a very big family/having a big family tree you can have many cousins, uncles,etc.. also having very many ancestors on this family tree

Neptune - Venus aspects = Attracting people who like them only for appearance, this might not apply to all but some people with such aspects can relate most people want them only for the way they look and their enchanting appearance

Chiron in the 7th house might be that type of person who gets hurt in relationships and usually the love side, they can make the same mistakes over and over, that can make them the wounded healer who heals others in love but forgets about them

Chiron in the 1st house might show insecurities (most insecurities about their body and appearance) early in life, they could feel insecure and anxious talking about their bodies, but this also might mean that the native doesn't love themselves enough and they need love and nurturing (I have this placement in my sidereal chart i know how it feels ❤️)

Moon - Chiron harsh aspects = Healing and nurturing your soul, it feels like your soul seeks for healing and love. Your feelings matter a lot and what you feel is very intense. It can also means that you might have some issues with your mother (maybe she was not supportive emotionally to you)

ANYTHING that conjuncts the Chiron can mean that you have to power to choose if you want to heal that part of you or you let it to be how it is. But is important to know that you have an imense power to heal that part of you ❤️

Example: Chiron conjuncts Venus… you can heal the wounds of this by starting to love yourself and to give yourself a lot of nurturing, you can also heal others with love but the also your love life might need healing too because you might have met partners with a lot of issues who need time and healing.

Pluto - Sun aspects: Very alluring and rebellious with their own rules and their own power, warriors of the world. (This can apply if you have Lilith - Sun aspects too)

Mercury positive aspecting Jupiter: Makes the native extremely intelligent and full of a good vocabulary and knowledge they are also good at being detectives if they are into such things because Jupiter makes them very informative and seeking for true side of the story

Ascendant - Sun aspects: Star of the horizon, they have a very likeable personality and gold aura, they can bee so charming and so charismatic... sometimes they can have a big ego and act spoiled. (I love sun - ascendant aspects sadly i have Sun in the 12th house 💀)

Sagittarius Placements (especially Sun and Venus in Sagittarius) have very much freedom in their life and they live life at fullest, partying and enjoying the life is gonna be on their list...Oh i forgot to add Sagittarius Mars because they are into this too 💅🏼

Taurus Placements love to stalk their crushes, they can be checking their crush account 24/7 and watching their crush story all day long. I'm not joking i know someone with Taurus Moon and they like stalk their crush account all day 😭😭

Leo Moons have a very much pride in them i think sometimes the pride is bigger than Leo's Suns pride...😲 It can manifest because they want to be the best in anything and they also love to compete with other people

Aquarius Placements heal with music, is very likely the music makes them feel better in their own person and they can feel the feelings in the songs, Aquarius's Placements are very sweet people and they feel at peace when they are related and listening to music. Most people with Aquarius Placements love music like their life depends on it (and it depends ofc💅🏼)

Scorpio Placements are those type of people when you first met them, they might seem very cold and mean but if you get closer to them you would see they are very nice and sweet people, the society created this stereotype of "If you see a Scorpio you run away"... And is not like that at all they are very sweet people and very loyal if you make friends with them, you can have people for life . (Especially if you have a partner Scorpio be sure that Scorpio will never forget about you)

•| ⊱✿⊰ |••| ⊱✿⊰ |••| ⊱✿⊰ |•

Harmoonix ❤️

harmoonix.2023®

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yoonavii · 8 months

Note

Opla zoro (or sanji or both but separately) x reader (established relationship) where the reader has a lot of self doubt in their position in the crew believing that they don’t bring something different or unique to the table and so their just wasting space, and they the rest of the crew doesn’t care about them?

oooh! now this is a good one. believe it or not, I had to really think about how to write this. why? because there's so many possibilities of how this can go down between both boys. anyways, hope you enjoy!

Having doubt

context: Zoro and Sanji's reaction to you having doubt in your position in the crew.

At first, Zoro might not say much when you confide in him about your self-doubt. He’s not always one for words, but his presence alone shows that he’s there to listen and support you.

Zoro’s a firm believer in the strength of the crew, and he won’t tolerate anyone, especially not you, putting themselves down. He’d likely tell you straight up that you’re part of the crew for a reason, and your unique qualities contribute to the team’s success.

When you’re feeling down, Zoro won’t hesitate to remind you of your strengths. He’ll list all the times you’ve come through for the crew and highlight your unique skills.

Zoro might suggest some training sessions together to help boost your confidence. Not only will it be good for your physical strength, but it’ll also serve as a reminder that you’re constantly improving.

Zoro’s all about action. He might challenge you to take on a task or a challenge that plays to your strengths. Achieving success in these situations can help you see your value more clearly.

Sometimes, all you need is someone to talk to, and Zoro will be there to listen, even if he doesn’t always have the perfect words to say. His calm and stoic demeanor can be reassuring in itself.

If anyone else in the crew makes you feel inferior, Zoro won’t stand for it. He’ll step in and defend you, reminding everyone that you’re an integral part of the crew.

Zoro might suggest spending more quality time together outside of battles and training. Whether it’s a quiet moment watching the sea or sharing a meal, these moments can strengthen your bond and boost your confidence.

Zoro may not be overly affectionate, but he’ll find his own way to show that he cares. It could be a small gesture like a reassuring touch on your shoulder or a soft smile.

Above all, Zoro is your anchor. He’s there to support you through your self-doubt and remind you that you’re an irreplaceable part of the crew. With him by your side, you’ll find the strength to overcome any challenge, including the challenge of self-doubt.

Sanji is a master at showering his loved ones with compliments. When you express self-doubt, he’ll counter it with a barrage of compliments, highlighting your unique qualities and contributions to the crew

He’s a natural motivator. Expect Sanji to give you uplifting pep talks, boosting your confidence and reminding you of your worth to the crew.

Sanji might prepare your favorite meals to comfort you. He believes food has the power to heal both body and soul.

He’ll surprise you with thoughtful gestures, like leaving sweet notes or small gifts to brighten your day.

Sanji will share his own dreams and aspirations with you. He wants you to see that you both have dreams to chase and that you’re not alone in your journey.

He’ll suggest working together on tasks and projects to help you discover your strengths and unique abilities. Plus, it’s a way for you both to bond.

Sanji values quality time with you. Whether it’s a romantic dinner or a quiet evening together, he’ll ensure you feel cherished and valued.

Sanji understands that self-doubt can be emotionally taxing. He’s there to provide a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear whenever you need it.

While he’s generally supportive, Sanji isn’t afraid to offer constructive feedback. He believes that growth comes from acknowledging weaknesses and working on them.

If anyone in the crew ever belittles you or your abilities, Sanji will fiercely defend you. He won’t tolerate anyone making you feel inferior.

Sanji might even offer dance lessons. It’s not just about dancing; it’s a metaphor for life. He’ll teach you to move gracefully through challenges.

He’ll remind you of all the times you’ve played a crucial role in the crew’s successes. It’s a way of emphasizing your importance.

Sometimes, all you need is a warm embrace. Sanji will hold you close and make you feel safe, loved, and valued

Sanji will use affectionate gestures like forehead kisses or gentle caresses to reassure you of his love and belief in you

Sanji may encourage you to cook together. It’s not just about the food but also about the bonding experience and feeling like you’re contributing to the crew’s sustenance.

©𝐘𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐈— Any sign/evidence of plagiarism made from outside this name will be dealt with by whatever means necessary. Legal action may occur if non fanfiction works are plagiarized.

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cordeliawhohung · 4 months

Note

oh em gee hiii! feel free to ignore but what about Simon comforting anxious!reader?

AHHHHHHHHH 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️

i started writing this with mafia!simon in mind because i'm an idiot but here you go lmao. reader has a small anxiety attack but simon comforts her and they share a sweet moment <3

sometimes you tried to be interesting.

you tried to dress nice and pretend to enjoy the liquor in your cup as if the music that pulsed around you wasn't overwhelming. you tried to smile gracefully as someone apologized for bumping into you the millionth time that night as if their touch didn't make your skin ache and crawl. pretended that you wanted to be there, in that crowd of sweaty bodies and bitter breath. with glassy eyes, you pressed the rim of your cup against your lips as you painfully laughed at someone's crude comment, because interesting people didn't cry at the drop of a hat.

that night you were the world's greatest actress, and most unfortunate fool. great in the fact that no one, not even your friend, noticed your discomfort, and a fool to think that you would be able to play the part forever. because you could push back that bile and patch up that corrosion all you wanted, you had done so your entire life anyway, but you knew full well that it would always break. something would have to give.

the floor disintegrated beneath your feet the moment you felt a hand on your shoulder, and you spilled your over priced drink on the floor trying to slap them away. several people shouted at you, mostly in good spirits, about the party foul you made as their feet crushed your plastic cup, but you didn't hear a word of it as your eyes landed on Simon. hand half wet with the alcohol you spilled on him, he looked at you with what you hoped was concern and not annoyance.

even among all those bodies, the flashing strobe lights, the haze of cigarettes and weed, he still found you. his eyes, so dark, so careful, always found you.

you forgot all about being interesting halfway up the stairs to the second floor. the only thing you could focus on was the pounding in your chest and the pit of dread eating you from the inside out while Simon pulled you along with him. eventually, everything became quiet. muffled like you had fallen under water, still there lurking above the surface waiting to be unleashed, but manageable.

"c'mon," Simon urged, guiding you further along.

it took you a moment to realize the two of you were in some private room, and even then it still didn't fully hit until you were sat on the couch and held in Simon's arms. he whispered quiet and kind words to you that you couldn't quite understand over the sound of your anxiety wreaking havoc in your rib cage, but the warm baritone of his tone was all you needed. so you focused on him and only him. the warmth of his body bleeding through his clothes and onto your cheek as you leaned against him. his hands running up and down your bare arms and sweltering skin. he calmed you with soft touches and the gentle reminder that you were okay.

"what's goin' on?"

there wasn't a reason for your turmoil. no simple explanation you could string together to get anyone to understand the thoughts raging in your mind. how were you supposed to tell someone you were born that way? with cracks and crevices in your brain full of nothing but darkness that no one could heal or kiss away? but his arms felt nice around you, and that was enough for now.

finally brave enough to pull your face off Simon's shoulder, you glanced around the room he took you to where you were fully able to realize just how alone the two of you were. there wasn't a single other soul with you, though you could see a long window on the other side of the room that showed the perfect view of the balconies on the other side of the second floor.

"can anyone see us?" you asked instead, unsure how to answer his question.

following your gaze, Simon's eyes landed on the windows on the other side of the room. "no, they're two way mirrors. we can see out, but no one can see in."

curious, you stood from the couch and approached the windows with Simon close behind you. there were plenty of people on the second floor balconies leaning against railings as they sipped away at their drinks blissfully unaware of your gaze. then you turned your attention to the bottom floor. it was difficult to believe you had been a part of that pulsing mass of flesh just minutes before where limbs waved and weaved haphazardly between one another. what had been something too large and terrifying had quickly turned into something mesmerizing, like watching fish dance.

"everything seems so small up here," you said in a near whisper.

Simon hummed. "puts things into perspective."

you fell quiet for a moment as you watched the ocean of people underneath you and listened to the muffled drone of the music like crashing waves. you hated places like that. never really felt like you fit in; never really felt like you were wanted there. there was no rhyme or reason behind it. it just was.

"i... i don't know why i feel like this," you admitted, eyes still focused out the window. "everyone else always seems to enjoy being here, but i feel so on edge i can't relax."

Simon didn't look at you when you spoke, but you saw him gently nod his head in your peripheral vision. "there's not a whole lot of reason for anything," he explained. "sometimes things find you whether you'd like them to or not. anxiety, frustration... love. part of the human experience."

you tore your eyes off of the scene below you at his words and when you turned your attention to Simon you realized he had already been looking at you. that twisting feeling in your stomach felt oddly similar to the dread that plagued you down on the dance floor with your friend. similar, but not quite. it was something sweeter than dread, though just as scary.

"c'mon," he said as he nodded towards the door. "let's get you home, yeah?"

"i don't want to be alone," you blurted. "but i... will you stay with me tonight? just for awhile?"

there was some hint of a smile that pulled at Simon's lips at your request. nothing nefarious, or even in enjoyment. it looked more akin to relief than anything else. no matter what it was, you liked the way it made you feel; that you knew for sure.

"'course. couldn't ever say no to you, sweetheart."

yeah idk what this turned out to be either. it sounded cuter in my head lmao

#mafia!simon #mafia!ghost #mafia!141 #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader

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thesensteawitch · 3 months

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What Is Magical About You? 🧚💕🌱

Pick A Pile Reading

🩵(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)🩵

Hello, Senstea Souls!

This reading will give insights about your unexplored potential. A power that you can nurture. So take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

To get more insights about your unexplored potential book a tarot reading with me. If you have any further questions you can also DM me.

⭐Booking Form|Rate Card|Tip My Blog⭐

Pile 1

Tarot Cards- 10 of swords, 3 of cups, the world, the high Priestess, 7 of cups, 10 of wands

Hello, my dear pile 1. The first thing that I hear for you is healing your body with positive thoughts and affirmations. Your mind can do astral travel and make your wishes come true within days. You may have noticed your manifestations (be it favorable or unfavorable) coming to fruition within days. You have the powers of a warrior who can put an end to things. You are a destroyer of diseases just by aligning yourself to the vibrational frequency of healing. This pile is a healer. And if not then you have the potential to be a healer. You are a great manifester. I also sense sharp intellect and ability to understand complex concepts. You do know that you have some great insights to share which you learned through some adverse situations in your life. There's a secret of the universe that only you know but sometimes you overthink too much about the things that only you know and may end up concluding that you are being delusional. It's so not true, pile 1. I would highly suggest you to invest in your curiosity. Take classes about things that intrigue you. You will be able to strengthen your magical powers. I sense both the energies within you; soft and sharp. Don't go for a third opinion on things that you believe in because I see that people try to convince you otherwise and you end up being confused. Someone in your close circle is being deceitful. You need to add more meaning to your life but don't be too detail-oriented. You may lose track of the goal by carrying this perfectionist attitude. Your magic doesn't need validation from others. You must be the first person to trust in your intuition then only you can expect others to have faith in you. Don't take life too seriously, be playful and that will be your magic. But when tough times come your capability to exert dominance over challenges will be another strong magical side of yours that will bring stability to your life.

Pile 2

Tarot Cards- 8 of wands, knight of wands, 9 of wands, queen of swords, 7 of wands, 9 of swords

Hello, my beautiful pile 2. Your thoughts have the power to navigate the fire of your magic is what I hear. Your power is so strong that if you aren't aware of it and do not have the skill to manage it then you'll stay blind to it all your life. You'll never be able to see its true potential unless you free yourself from self-doubt. There's a fine line difference between considering the risks and living a life full of fears. Your life has no destination because the potential of your magic is ever-expanding. Don't try to fight with the challenges and put an end to them. As there's no end to your potential and growth there's no end to the opposing forces either. These opposing situations are an opportunity for you to grow and expand your magic. Don't try to reach an end goal. Do anything to expand it as much as you can. You are your only limit. Be very blunt and bold when challenges come up and do not lose your faith. Don't withdraw, keep moving forward. Your journey to realize your magic will bring initial challenges but as soon as you keep moving forward they will subside. Your magic lies in revival. You can revive things and bring them to life after they were dead for a long period. You can bring vegetation to the barren land. Impossible it may seem but for the kind of magic you possess, it's not. I hear rebirth and reincarnation. Rare but possible. Things that may not be possible in other people's reality it is in yours. You can bring joy after a river of tears.

Pile 3

Tarot Cards- 3 of swords, page of swords, the Hanged man, king of swords, 10 of cups, 3 of wands

Hello, my beautiful pile 3. I hear dysfunctional family dynamics. You may feel victimized because of the family you were raised in. You have developed defensive qualities and ceased to believe in a harmonious family or may deny the idea of family or marriage altogether. Though deep down I see the curiosity to lead a fulfilling and balanced life. Nevertheless, I sense that your magic is asking to be explored by you. It wants you to leave the hurt behind because the hurt is keeping you stuck. You can give the right discernment and bring a balanced approach to life. Kids are attracted to you. You leave an impact on children's lives and if you haven't then try talking to children and you'll know because they will feel comfortable talking to you and will have so many questions for you. And that is when your test will begin. What will you tell them? That the world is a shitty place? And never believe in having a good and peaceful life for yourself? No, right? You'll give them hope. So give it yourself too. This ride may be bumpy and with ups and downs but it'll be worth it. The more you open yourself to do things with your heart the more opportunities will open up for you. Don't keep yourself blocked. Some of you can even become a great child psychologist and literally can bring magic into others' lives. Find a way. Because you can! Your magic lies in accepting and adapting. I sense a strong connection with children here. You can literally be the magician to them. You leave such a beautiful impact on them. Children find you to be very interesting. With their help you may learn to see the world from a different perspective. Your magic lies in bringing two forces together and yet keeping their individual qualities apart and appreciable. Something you do with your hands weaves magic. Idk why but I am seeing a juggler.

#magical powers #pick a pile tarot #pick a pile reading #pick a pile #pick a picture #tarot reader #messages from the stars #tarotcommunity #tarot readings #tarotblr #free tarot reading #tarot reading #tarot cards #message for the collective #tarot witch #pick a photo #tarot

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honeybeefae · 2 years

Text

Cauldron Fated (Eris Vanserra x Reader)

KINKTOBER DAY SIX: MATING BOND

Summary// You considered Eris to be somewhat of a friend, having grown up alongside him in court and being there for him on the scarce times he confided in you. It just felt natural, and as you got older, it started to develop into a crush. He always held you at arm's length though, never dancing with you or joining you on morning rides, which left you with no choice but to move on. But when your engagement is announced at a ball a week later, Eris has a big problem with it…which leads to the discovery of something bigger than both of you.

(If I had the time I would have loved to expand this to a two-part series or longer, it has so much potential. This fic is 6711 WORDS. I am shocked and I really, really hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did. Enjoy <3 )

WARNINGS: 18+, smut, mutual pining, angst, repressed feelings, jealousy, mating bond, friends to enemies to lovers, soft meaningful sex

Being born into the Autumn Court as a high fae was a punishment worse than death. The constant backstabbing of court members, the unrelenting criticism from your parents on how you needed to be better than the next person, and the wicked games everyone played were enough for you to want to run as far away as possible. Every waking moment of your life was full of fake smiles and feelings to try and pacify the ones in charge.

But for you to grow a crush on one of the most dangerous men in the Vanserra family? To lie awake at night fantasizing about life between the two of you? It was like adding poison to the never-healing wound.

And yet here you sat, lying underneath a great oak while the leaves fell around you while reading some silly romance and picturing Eris rescuing you from a tower. It was pathetic, and you knew in your heart after many years of him keeping you at arm's length, that there was nothing between the two of you.

You had grown up with him, chased him around the castle as kids and taken lessons together as teens. Both of your mothers were close, and so were you, or so you thought. As the years passed and his mother had more children, Eris grew more cold and distant.

If you did see him, it was only in hallway passings or the occasional dinners and dances. Even then he would turn you down, not even meeting your eyes as you would bow your head and go off with your other friends while trying not to look back.

Sometimes he would talk to you for a minute, though it looked painful for him, and every time he did it would rekindle that dying flame in your soul. You had never yearned for someone like this. And as the hopeless damsel in your book swooned over the prince who had just picked her for a dance, you realized you were no better off than her.

“Is it good?” A low voice said above you, snapping you out of your daydream and making you jump in surprise. Your head turned sharply, eyes widening when you saw Eris leaning against the tree you were tucked away in with a smirk on his face.

“E-Eris!” You exclaimed, pushing up to your feet immediately to address him properly. He watched as you bowed ever so gracefully, head tilted down, before rising back up to meet his eyes. “What are you doing out here?”

“I needed to talk a walk.” He explained while looking up at the sky, mouth downturned. “Fathers can be rather irritating, wouldn’t you agree?”

You nodded in understanding, your hands fisting the sides of your dress. Everyone knew how Beron treated his sons and his wife. He had no qualms in hiding his distaste for them and you always felt bad when one of them got publicly beaten or humiliated, especially if it was Eris. Your father wasn’t half as bad as Beron but he was still overbearing and demanding perfection, never taking your opinion into consideration.

It was the price you paid for being a member of the court.

“I’m sorry he’s being a pain.” You say sincerely. Eris’s eyes turned back to you, some unknown emotion flashing through them before fading away. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Ha.” He scoffed, looking you up and down in amusement. “Thank you for the laugh, Y/N. I needed that.”

“What? You don’t think I could take on the old man?” You grinned, taking a playful fighting stance as you used to as a child. “If I remember correctly, I beat you plenty of times so I think I could handle it.”

It was silly, acting like this in front of him and being a fully grown adult, but it was rare that Eris sought you out for company and you wanted to make the most of it. If anything, at least get him to smile. That was all you wanted.

“Oh yes, you are very fearsome indeed.” He smiled, his body relaxing for the first time in months. You saw the change and couldn’t stop the butterflies that blossomed in your belly, especially when he licked his lips and shook his head at your juvenile actions. “The entire Autumn Court would quiver under your feet.”

“I’m glad we see eye to eye. Just imagine it, standing on the-” You said while raising your foot proudly, not noticing the large root directly in front of you. It caught the toe of your shoe and you fell forward, cutting off your sentences as the ground rushed toward you.

You braced for the fall but it never came, two strong arms catching you before you could smash your face into the cold earth. The force of your descent sent the both of you tumbling and Eris groaned when his back hit the ground, his breath catching in his throat.

The air went still around you as you realized your circumstances, your body pressed against his own as he watched you with uncertainty and worry. Both of you were sharing the same breath, heartbeat thudding in your ears, and you could have sworn he leaned forward slightly into your touch.

But when the sound of footsteps approaching hit his ears, he pushed you off without so much of a warning. You cursed softly as a tree branch scraped against your cheek, rushing to stand and brush yourself off without so much as a hand offered from Eris.

“Eris? Are you out here?” Someone called, peeking over the ledge above you. It was one of his younger brothers. He saw the two of you and smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Am I interrupting something, brother?”

“Hardly. She wasn’t watching where she was going and ran into me.” Eris responded, his tone now cold as ice. “What do you want?”

His brother didn’t look entirely convinced but didn’t push the subject, moving his gaze from you to his brother. “Father is looking for you, or rather sending us to look for you.”

“I’m coming. Tell him I apologize for losing track of time.” Eris growled, barely looking back at you as he started to climb the stairs.

“I just am hurt you didn’t share the name of your new lover, Eris. I thought we were closer than that.” His brother taunted, leering at you which made your skin crawl. The situation had gone from the moment of your dreams to a nightmare in a matter of seconds and the sting of Eris’s dismissal was making it worse.

“Please.” Eris scowled, removing a leaf from his hair and looking down at you. “She holds no interest of mine any more than the peasant woman in the streets.”

It felt like he had just stabbed you and twisted the knife to get as deep as possible, his eyes full of cruelty. His brother laughed as they walked back towards their home while you sunk to the floor, hot tears burning your cheeks.

How could you be so, so careless with your feelings? Why on earth did you keep this candle of hope alive for someone like him, someone who obviously couldn’t stand the thought of you?

It was a harsh reality check and you felt like your entire body had been dipped in ice water. The trees rustled around you in a song you didn’t want to hear, burying your head in your arms as you pulled your knees to your chest. After all this time, all the two of you had been through. You had finally reached your breaking point.

Eris Vanserra was not the man you thought he was. He had grown to be like his father, a comparison you never thought you would make. It was time to grow up and leave childish dreams behind, and that started with him.

You wiped your eyes and nose on your sleeve, the book from earlier lying on the ground. It was open to the page where they get married, sealing their love with true love’s kiss, and in a fit of anger, you grabbed it and chucked it into the woods.

There was no such thing as happily ever afters in your world.

It had been a week since the incident with Eris and although it was getting better, you still found yourself moping around late at night. Time would heal the wound but as your mother stood behind you, styling your hair to perfection, you hoped tonight would speed it up.

“Oh, my darling, I am so glad you agreed so readily to Cadoc. When he approached your father I was sure you would have your doubts but,” She sighed happily, looking at you in the mirror proudly. “You knew what to do…for the family.”

“Of course, mother.” You responded almost robotically, the fake smile you have perfected over the years gracing your face easily. “I would do anything for our family.”

She turned you around and patted your cheek before gathering her things and leaving, calling over her shoulder to be ready to leave soon. As soon as the door shut you let out the breath you had been holding and walked to the large mirror, taking in your attire for the night.

The dress fit you perfectly as did the accessories, making you feel like royalty. It wasn’t every day that you got engaged so you might as well enjoy how you looked. Your parents had orchestrated a grand dinner to be held in the great hall of the Forest House to celebrate. An invitation was sent out to every single member of the court.

Of course, that meant the Vanserras were attending but you didn’t want to focus on that. Eris was in your past, worth no more than a speck of dirt on the giant emerald ring that rested on your finger from your fiance.

And if you were being honest, you could do far worse than Cadoc. He was an affluent member of the court, his father owned quite a bit of farmland, and most importantly you had never heard of him laying a hand on a woman. It was a low bar to be set but you would take him over someone like Aagun who proudly boasted of the bruises he would leave on his wife.

Someone knocked on your door and you took a deep breath, squaring your shoulders and following your mother down the steps and into the hallway where your betrothed was waiting for you.

As you drew closer to the doors, you felt fear bubble into your gut, the weight of the situation dawning on you. You were about to walk into your engagement party, with a man you barely knew, and then in a month's time, you were to be wed. This was what you had been raised for, to be a wife and mother, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that what was happening was wrong.

Like you were going against fate itself.

But when Cadoc rounded the corner, his own parents flanking his sides, you knew you could not say anything. It would put your family at risk to deny such an advantageous marriage and embarrass them in front of everyone. You had to do this.

He stopped in front of you, his green eyes dull but soft, and lifted your hand to kiss. You smiled politely as you had so many times before, trying not to compare the way his touch felt to Eris’s. “You look beautiful, Y/N.” He complimented, not letting go of your hand as you both turned to face the doors that were about to open.

“Thank you, Cadoc. You look as handsome as ever.” You replied, the words tasting foul in your mouth. He gave you another reassuring smile just as the large, oak doors opened to reveal the two of you.

The sound of applause echoed around you as you let him lead you into the great hall, everyone’s faces blurring together as the lights shone too bright. You could feel the air get harder to breathe but you did your best to control it, smiling brightly as you finally arrived at your table.

“Thank you.” You murmured as he held out the chair for you, making sure you were comfortable before taking the seat beside you. Both of your families took their respective places and the feast began, music starting up from somewhere in the corner of the room.

You didn’t even wait for the server to finish pouring your glass before you all but snatched it and downed it one gulp. If you were going to get through this, you needed to be at least a little buzzed. Your mother shot you a glare and you apologized, placing the glass back down and turning your attention to the decorations.

It was beautifully decorated, all the colors of fall present with touches of gold. The candles were all lit, including the giant chandelier above your head, and it made the entire room glow like embers. You noticed how well dressed everyone was as well, though you were the only one in cream, and couldn’t help but think back to when you would attend these parties as a teenager. How you would think the bride-to-be was feeling, the excitement of wanting to be in her seat.

And the irony that now you sat, staring at the table of children, and envying their innocence.

A flash of red hair caught the corner of your eye and before you could stop yourself, you were now fully facing Eris. He was sitting at his family’s table, in the front of course, with a dark scowl on his face. All of the emotions you had been shoving down were threatening to rise to the surface, the memory of his wicked words bouncing around your brain.

So, with all the grace of the woman you were raised to be, you drew your lips into a tight line and turned away to face your fiance. Cadoc immediately turned to you and you took the opportunity to lean forward and give him a chaste kiss on his lips.

He seemed shocked at your boldness but fixed his face before anyone noticed, returning your kiss with his own. You could feel the eyes of everyone on you and you decided you needed another drink, the food now being served giving you an excuse to drink as many glasses as you wanted.

As the night went on you could feel your body relax, though the same couldn’t be said for your thoughts. You were having to consciously stop yourself from seeking out Eris and every time you stumbled, he was always glaring at you or Cadoc. It was starting to get on your nerves but before you could get too heated, or do something stupid, your fiance decided it was time to dance.

All the lessons you took as a child paid off well when it came to your ability to dance. The music made your soul feel light as you twirled in his arms, following his lead and smiling at the clapping of everyone watching. You were surprised at how well Cadoc danced, both of your bodies easily falling into line, and you started to think that perhaps your earlier concerns were just pre-engagement jitters.

That or the wine had really gone to your head.

As the song came to a close and you began to bow to him, you gasped as he pulled you into his body and kissed you deeply. You had no choice but to kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck as your friends and other members of the court cheered you on.

Cadoc finally pulled back and blushed, letting you take a step back as another song began. “I’m sorry about that, Y/N. I got caught up in the moment.” He apologized, scratching the back of his head. You knew he meant it and although the kiss didn’t feel right at all, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“It’s fine, Cadoc. I promise. Shall we have another dance?” You asked, motioning to the other people who had joined the dance floor. He let out a sigh of relief and nodded, reaching for your hand only to grunt when he was not so gently pushed out of the way.

“Excuse me-” He began to say before you both looked up and saw who had done it. Eris was staring at him as one might stare at a sworn enemy, his eyes full of fury as he raised an eyebrow in question.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt?” Eris asked, already knowing the answer. You could feel the arrogance rolling off of him as he stared down Cadoc. “It truly was not my intention to break up such a happy couple.”

“What do you want, Eris?” You snapped, making them both turn to you in surprise. Cadoc looked worried, knowing you could easily be beaten for talking to him like that, while Eris seemed…hurt?

“I came to ask for a dance, if your fiance doesn’t mind.” He replies, barely glancing at Cadoc. When he went to answer you cut him off, the wine in your belly making it harder to control your emotions.

“If he doesn’t, I do.” You grabbed Cadoc’s hand and began to lead him away only to hiss when you were pulled back roughly.

Eris was fuming, his nostrils flared, and you met his rage with your own. He had no right to try and dance with you after what he had said. You knew he was doing this to get a rise out of you, to make you relive his words, and you were kicking yourself for not realizing just how cruel he had become.

Before the two of you could start an argument, you felt Cadoc let go of your hand. “It is no trouble, my lord. I was going to visit anyways.” He reassured while backing away, giving you a look that said ‘don’t do anything stupid’, and disappearing into the crowd.

A throat cleared in front of you and you let out a huff of frustration, facing Eris once more. He motioned to the group of dancers and you rolled your eyes, following his lead into the swarm.

The music was loud and dominating, much like the man before you, as he twirled you into his arms. You could feel his muscles underneath the flimsy silk of his shirt as you both battled for the lead. It reminded you of your dance lessons as children, neither one of you wanting to give an inch.

“Still a stubborn dancer, I see.” He said, smirking at the scowl on your face.

“I just don’t have the right partner.” You retorted, your skirts gliding between the both of you as the music began to pick up. “It’s why I am so glad to have Cadoc.”

Eris’s jaw ticked at the mention of his name, his hands tightening around your own as you spun around once more. When he pulled you back into his arms, he made sure you felt every inch of him, his head dipping down to your neck sensually. It almost made your knees give out, cursing your body on its weakness before you shoved away from him and went back into the proper stance.

“Don’t do that. Not here, not ever.” You warned him, trying to keep your voice low so as not to alert anyone around you. The last thing you wanted was for a rumor to start before your marriage could even get off the ground. “Do not act like you have a claim to me.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted.” His voice was teasing, his words making your head fuzzy. You couldn’t figure out what game he was trying to play, why all of a sudden he was acting like this of all places. “I thought you wanted me, my attention.”

And as the music reached a crescendo, both of you gliding through the mass of bodies, you realized what was happening. Eris was jealous. He knew your feelings, had known all along, and yet he only cared when you had moved on.

With the wine, the music, and the realization of just how fucked up this situation was, you couldn’t hold in your anger any longer. You pulled away from him forcefully, glaring at him with all the hatred you could muster. He looked taken aback by your show of emotions and you had to resist the urge to smack him across the face.

“Do not ever come near me again, Eris Vanserra.” You seethed, fists curling at your side as everyone continued to dance around you. “I hate you.”

You didn’t wait for his reply, turning sharply on your heel and storming past everyone and out the doors. Some people turned to look at you, whispering to each other, but you could care less. You needed to get away from everything.

The hallway was cool and dark as you started to run to your room, your heels clicking against the floor. You had to lift your skirts in order not to trip, not daring to look back in fear that he was chasing you. When you reached the staircase that led to your floor you finally stopped, taking a deep breath and leaning against the wall.

Tears were prickling the corner of your eyes and threatening to ruin your makeup but you were powerless to stop them. You placed a hand over your heart as you tried to process what had just happened, knowing people were going to start looking for you soon. All you had to do was make it to your room.

Just as you went to peek around the corner to see if anyone had come out yet, a warm hand slapped over your mouth and drug you backward and into the darkness.

After a moment you felt your feet hit solid ground and the hand release you. You wasted no time in raising your fist and swinging at your kidnapper, your eyes widening when your hand was caught by Eris. He glared at you, your fist inches away from his face, and pushed your hand back down to your side.

“Where are we?” You asked loudly, taking multiple steps backward as you surveyed the room. He went to cover your mouth again to hush you but you shoved him with all your strength, not wanting any part of him to touch you. “I swear on the Mother if you try to touch me-”

“Will you be quiet?” Eris hissed, thinly veiled anger lacing his words as he glanced toward the door. “They are sure to be looking for you and unless you have an explanation for the dramatic exit you just made, I would think you should be thanking me for rescuing you.”

If there were ever a moment that steam could come from your ears, it would be now. Your vision turned red at the edges as you laughed in disbelief.

“Thanking you? Have you gone mad, or is that your ego grew so much that your brain got squished?” You raged, the fire that lay deep within your bones making its way to the surface. “None of this would have happened if you would have stayed far, far away from me. You have no right to pretend that all of a sudden I am everything you desire now that I have moved on from you.”

Eris took a threatening step towards you, making your back hit the cool wall behind you as he stared you down. “Is that then? You’ve moved on because some boy gave you a pretty ring and promised you the moon and the stars?” He asked snarkily, tilting his head as your eyebrows scrunched together at his implication. “Do I mean nothing to you?”

You swallowed the burning lump in your throat and raised your head up high, your heart breaking as you said, “No more than the peasant down the street, Eris Vanserra.” The words were not what you felt, not at all, but after everything he had put you through you were not about to give in to him when he realized what he wanted too late. This was caused by his actions, not yours.

He stood there and you watched the words sink in, your soul crying out as you saw true pain in his eyes. You were no better, your hands shaking as you pushed past him and made your way to the door.

“Y/N,” Eris called painfully, grabbing your hand before you could touch the handle.

You knew you should have snatched your hand back, should have opened the door, and never looked back, but you couldn’t. There was something in his voice, a desperation, that pulled a string in your heart you didn’t know existed. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before turning to face him, bracing yourself for the worst.

“Don’t leave me.” He pleaded, sinking down to his knees in front of you. It was a sight you weren’t prepared for, to see the heir of the Autumn Court begging for you, and it made your eyes widen in disbelief. “I can’t lose you. I know what I have done, what I have said, cannot be taken back. I know that.”

Eris looked down at your hands, at how different they were, and took another steadying breath. “I thought I was protecting you. I did not want to subject you to the horrors of what my life is like, what my family is like, and so I did my best to keep you away.”

“I wanted to keep you safe but when I saw you with him, dancing and kissing like you had known him your whole life, I couldn’t stop myself.” You could hear the pain in his voice as he pressed on, looking up at you once more. “I acted out of spite. I thought I could endure it for you but I can’t, not with you not knowing the truth first.”

As he rose up, you let go of his hands, your brain trying to understand everything he just said. Eris had treated you like this to protect you from him and his family, wanting to keep you safe from what being with him would surely entail. It was a huge revelation and while your soul sang for the joy of the situation, you had one question that needed to be answered.

“You don’t hate me?” You whispered, your voice wavering in fear that this was all a dream.

He cupped your face in both hands, wiping away the stray tear that had escaped, and said earnestly, “I have loved you for my entire life, Y/N. My feelings for you have never waned nor faded, it is a love that the Cauldron destined and I have been the most ignorant fool to run from it for so long.”

As soon as he stopped speaking, you felt that same string from earlier tug you closer. It felt so real that it made you look down in confusion, wondering what it was. When you looked back up, Eris had an entirely different emotion in his eyes.

Hope.

“Can you feel it too?” You asked incredulously, the old stories of fated mates shimmering in your mind. It was considered a fairytale by most with how rare it was. Even you brushed it off as fantasy.

Eris nodded, a small smile creeping onto his face. “I’ve felt it for a while, though I refused to believe it. I couldn’t understand what I did to deserve you as a mate.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down to your height, pressing your foreheads together intimately. Unlike with Cadoc, this felt entirely right. For the first time in years, your heart was content as he pulled you closer to his body.

“My mate,” You breathed, staring at him through your eyelashes as he gazed at you adoringly. “I cannot think of anyone more deserving of love than you.”

He closed his eyes, letting your words cleanse his body and give him the peace he needed. The room was quiet and warm as you held each other, sharing the same breath as you both basked in the radiance of finding your other half.

And when he brushed his nose against yours, you smiled and followed his lead into the kiss you had been dreaming of for years. His lips worked against yours slowly, savoring the taste and feel of your skin as your fingers threaded into his long, auburn hair.

With great care, he guided you backward until you fell onto his bed. You let out a soft laugh, smiling up at him and admiring the twinkle in his eyes that hadn’t shone since you were kids. He placed both of his arms beside your head and bent down to kiss you again, his hair creating a curtain around the two of you.

Your heart was doing cartwheels in your chest as you took a leap and deepened the kiss, licking his bottom lip shyly to see if he wanted more. Eris immediately opened his mouth for you, letting his tongue slide against your own as you moaned prettily underneath him.

The need you had for him to touch you, to claim you, was growing by the second, and if the tent in his pants told you anything, it was that he felt the same way. You gasped when his teeth caught your lip and tugged, a feeling akin to a branding iron filling your belly at the action.

“I want more.” You whispered, your chest rising quickly in small breaths. “Touch me, Eris, please.”

“Oh, how I’ve dreamt of you saying those words.” Eris purred, brushing a stray hair out of your face tenderly. “But I need you to understand what that means. If we go further, you will be mine, body and soul, no one else’s. Do you want that?”

You nodded and rose up to your elbows, making sure he held your gaze. “I’ve never wanted anything more. It’s always been you.”

Eris looked for any sign of doubt in your eyes but found none. He stood up straight and offered his hand, watching you take it without hesitation. “Then let me bed you properly.”

He pulled you to stand with him and turned you towards the giant hearth, the fire dancing for you as he began to undo the laces of your dress. Every graze of his fingers against your skin made you shiver in anticipation. You raised your arms and undid the pins in your hair and took out the jewels, letting your hair fall naturally.

“You are so beautiful, Y/N.” He murmured against your skin, tugging the sleeves down until your back and shoulders were bare to him. Your eyes fluttered closed as he kissed up to the nape of your neck, his hands holding your hips as he undid the final lace. “Every inch of you.”

Your dress started to fall off of your body, and you didn’t stop it, the material pooling at your feet as Eris took a step back to admire you. The urge to cover yourself was strong, but he spun you around before you could even think about it, his eyes full of desire.

His hands were itching to touch you, to feel how soft your breasts were in his hands, but he maintained control. Tonight was about you. “Never in my life have I seen anything so bewitching.”

A blush rose to your cheeks at all the praise he was giving you, making your insecurities float away with the wind. You took a deep breath and reached behind you, undoing your bra and letting it fall to the floor with a soft thud. He bit the inside of his cheek as you followed with your panties, watching him as you slid them off to join the rest of your clothes.

“I believe it is my turn, my lord.” You tease, sounding more breathless than you would have liked. Eris smirked and opened his arms for you to start, his eyes never leaving your body as you began to strip him down.

It was hard to put into words how intimate this was. You had dreamed of doing this with him, spent many sleepless nights touching yourself to the very idea, but as you stood here, you were nervous. So many questions on if he would like what he saw, and what you did, were swarming around your mind.

Eris must have sensed your uncertainty because as you went to remove his pants, he stopped you, fingers tight on your wrist. “We can stop at any time, Y/N.”

“I know, I just,” You faltered, memorizing every scar and freckle on his chest before looking up at him. “I’m nervous it won’t be what you want. I won’t be what you want.”

He sighed and placed a finger under your chin. “I can see I need to do a better job at making up for my previous statements.” He pointed out, lifting you without warning and carrying you to the bed.

You started to protest, but he shushed you, kissing you lightly before letting his lips go lower and lower on your body. Every kiss felt like fire, your hips arching slightly when he arrived at your breasts. He wasted no time in lavishing them with attention, sucking and licking your nipples until they stood at attention.

“Oooh.” You moaned, a wave of arousal making your sex slick as he took in your every reaction. The entire time he was toying with your body he was praising you as well, telling you how wonderful you were and how you were everything he wanted.

As he moved on from your breasts, your stomach began to flutter in excitement. He nestled himself between your thighs and spread you open without warning, groaning as the smell of your arousal and the sight of your gleaming cunt made him feral.

“Do not take your eyes off me, do you understand?” He told you, throwing your legs over his shoulders so he could eat you out properly. “I want you to watch as I make you cum.”

The words were filthy but made a tingle go down your spine, nodding in understanding. Eris smirked and then began his feast on you, immediately going for your clit. It was a pleasure that had you crying out his name already, your hips bucking against his face as he sucked it into his mouth and hummed to increase your heat.

“Oh my gods!” You moaned as he switched from your clit to your hole, licking up every drop of nectar he could. “Eris…”

“You taste fucking divine, Y/N.” He growled into your pussy, his fingers digging painfully into your thighs. His cock was aching to be free, to rut into you and spill his seed so that everyone knew you were his. Just the thought made him move one hand to shove down his pants so he could fist himself.

Your ears perked up as you heard him getting himself off, the visual making you even wetter as he continued to pleasure you with his mouth. He was going to make you cum soon, faster than anyone else had. You started to let out little moans and whines as you ground against his face, wanting this to last forever but also wanting to cum.

“Are you about to cum, mouse?” Eris taunted, his balls tightening as you cried out a small “yes!” He went back to your clit and flicked it over and over again, making the tip of his tongue just hot enough to send you spiraling into the best orgasm of his life.

“Eris!” You squealed, soaking his face as you threw your head back into the pillows from bliss. He burned the image into his memory as you reached up and started to pinch your nipples to prolong your pleasure, riding out the euphoria until you couldn’t handle the stimulation.

He sauntered up your body like a fox, kissing you forcefully so that you could taste yourself on his tongue. You met his passion with what strength you had left, grasping his face with both hands.

“Please, Y/N,” Eris panted into your mouth, kicking his pants the rest of the way off before rubbing himself across your slit. “I need you.”

“Take me, make me yours.” You commanded, spreading your legs further.

Eris looked down so he could watch himself sink inside you, the warmth and tightness of your cunt already making him want to bust. You groaned loudly at the stretch, grasping onto his upper arms as he continued until he bottomed out inside you.

Both of you were drunk on each other, the mating bond making everything feel ten times more intense as he pulled back out and slammed back in. The headboard rocked behind you, but neither of you cared. If anything it spurred you on.

“You feel, ah!” You whimpered, biting down on your lower lip as he lifted your hips with both of his hands to give himself a new angle. “Fuck me, Eris…”

He growled as your hands fell back to the bed, grasping at the sheets so hard he was sure you were going to rip them. The way your tits bounced as he fucked you was hypnotic, the firelight illuminating your sweat-slickened skin making you look like a goddess.

“All mine.” He swore, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he felt the first tingles of his orgasm in the base of his spine. “Forever.”

You nodded fervently, feeling another orgasm sneaking up as you watched him in awe. His muscles were rippling with each thrust, his hair stuck to the sides of his face, but what had you most fascinated were his eyes.

They were staring directly at you, pupils blown wide, and they were full of utter devotion. It showed you a man who would do anything for you, who would love you always.

And as you watched him throw his own head back in ecstasy, his throat bobbing as he began to fill you up, you knew you felt the exact same way. He was your mate, and you were his.

“Forever.” You repeated before chanting his name, your walls squeezing him unbearably tight as you came on his thick cock. The feeling of his hot cum made you crave more, clawing at his chest until he bent down so you could kiss him intensely.

Eris intertwined your hands together as he began to slow down, looking over when he felt cool metal on one of your fingers. It was your engagement ring. You were still coming down from your own high as he took it off and, without a word, threw it into the fire behind him.

“My mate.” He proclaimed into your neck, closing his eyes as he rejoiced in the words. You were his forever.

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solarmorrigan · 2 months

Note

For the heart prompt could you possibly do 💚 please? Thank you in advance ☺️

My guy, I cannot even tell you how much this one argued with me. A challenge! It was fun, though, thank you for the prompt :D

💚 true love's kiss / magic kiss / healed

Prompt from this post

It’s practically the stuff of fairy tales – like something out of the story books Steve’s mom would read to him before bed, back when doing stuff like reading to your kid was in vogue.

It isn’t that soulmates aren’t real—it’s the sort of thing you’ll hear about a friend of a friend or see in the news sometimes, that a soulmate pair has come together, usually when one or both of the people involved are already famous—it’s just that they’re rare.

Not everyone is lucky enough to find their fated person – the person who will complete them, whose presence will soothe, whose very touch is said to be healing (and Steve has no idea if that’s all built-up, romanticized bullshit or not, but he likes imagining that it’s true, anyway).

Steve used to fantasize about it, if he’s honest: finding his One True Love, having a soulmate, someone who would love him unconditionally and never want to abandon him.

Of course, as he gets older, he realizes that it’s both unlikely and unrealistic to imagine that he, of all people, would have a soulmate. And in any case, he doesn’t need one. He still finds his people – people who love him and who care about him and who he loves and cares for in return. No soul bond required.

People like Dustin and Robin – and Eddie, who Steve enjoys being around more than he possibly could have imagined. Eddie, who takes the time to explain his references when Steve gets lost, who listens when Steve wants to talk about his own things, who not only tolerates but seems to delight in when Steve wants to take care of him, who sticks up for and takes care of Steve in return.

Eddie, who seems just as drawn to Steve as Steve is to him.

Even now, when they’d had plans to hang out for the day and Steve’s goddamn brain had ruined it all by smacking him upside the head with a migraine, Eddie is there. He isn’t even mad that their plans have been derailed – he’s just bringing Steve water and his medication and making sure that the blinds are closed and that he’s comfortable, and who the fuck even needs a soulmate, Steve fucking loves this man.

In his muddled state, he thinks he might try to say as much, but it comes out as more of a sleepy mumble. The jumble of syllables catches Eddie’s attention, at least, and brings him back to the side of the bed, where he perches and leans towards Steve.

“How’re you doing?” he asks softly.

Steve hums – less of an answer, and more of a confirmation that he’s still alive.

Eddie gives him a soft smile of sympathy and reaches over to brush Steve’s bangs back from his forehead. Steve swears his head clears a little just at the touch.

“Sorry the day got ruined,” he finally manages, and Eddie shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s fine. We’ve always got more time. Sorry you’re feeling shitty, though,” Eddie says.

And then– and then he leans in and presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead, quick and soft, and the touch of his lips against Steve’s skin sparks. It tingles and spreads and Steve gasps and shivers at the weird, weird feeling of all his pain suddenly draining away, leaving him feeling perfectly well and completely fucking stunned.

He stares up at Eddie, who stares back at him, just as startled, his fingers hovering somewhere near his lips as if he’d been poking at them trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Steve can see the moment he comes to the exact same conclusion that Steve has.

“Oh,” Eddie says quietly, and Steve laughs, sitting up to throw his arms around Eddie’s neck.

Those stupid storybooks were right, Steve decides, as he pulls Eddie in for a full and proper kiss – sometimes dreams really do come true.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #eddiesteve #stranger things #I've never written a soulmate au before!#I'm not even sure this fully counts but it was fun anyway #anonymous #answers from solar #solar wrote

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emeritusemeritus · 2 months

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How would the twins deal with a reader in subspace? Headcanons or a small Drabble would work either way! Love your fabulous writing. 🫶

My dear, thank you so much and I hope this is okay for you! 🖤

Warnings: Dom!sub dynamics, sub!reader, softdom!fred, harshdom!George, subspace, implied smut and sexual references, oral fixation, cock sucking, aftercare. Power play; BDSM references.

Word count: 800

You were happy, euphoric and blissfully fucked out, completely dissociated from any pain or soreness your physical body was probably feeling, but right now in your mind, you were soaring free. It was an incredible thing to feel, having never felt this before the twins. To completely trust your boyfriends, to give them your everything, for them to own you in every way and know that they would respect your boundaries and keep you safe, it was blissful. To free yourself of any insecurity, any responsibility because they would take the lead was freeing in the most wonderful way, allowing you to escape to this subspace that felt as close to heaven as you’d ever been.

George was the meaner Dom, a little more brash and harsh with his punishments that seemed to bleed into your outer lives whereas Fred was dominant only during sex, still generous with his praise whilst taking control. He was mostly a soft Dom that got increasingly rougher as the energy in the room increased, to balance out your descent into your sub headspace. Fred manhandled you whereas George had expectations, wanting you to do it yourself, to make him proud. The delicious mix of them both together was enough to propel you to this little piece of heaven you’d found, all of your needs being met, your body and soul cared for.

Fred was concerned the first time your mind began to wander whereas George, unbeknownst to you at the time, smirked at you and allowed you to mindlessly fall. After explaining to them what happened, Fred made it his personal mission to get you to this point each and every time but at this level, it only really happened after hours of teasing, warnings, bratty behaviour and eventual punishment. Drawn out over hours, sometimes humiliated, sometimes punished but always protected.

“Look who’s awake,” Fred smiles as your eyes open, still a little glossed over as you come to, realising that you were indeed laid on his chest, hands entwined arms his sides as he took on your full weight. He did this last time, said that if you could feel his chest rising, yours would do the same, worried that you’d get too dissociated, too relaxed and stop breathing. His finger tips dance over your spine and you realise that you’re both stark naked, his semi-hard member tucked in the little dip of your groin between your mound and your thigh.

You shift slightly and rest your head back on his shoulder, feeling him press a kiss to your hair, hands still entwined.

“What do you need princess?” He asks a minute later when you don’t seem to be able to rest any longer.

“Suck,” you say weakly, eyes opening to give him your sweetest look. He smiles at you, knowing your oral fixation would tear its head eventually, usually when you’d gone to that place.

“Come here my Angel,” you hear from behind you and you look up quickly to see George, unaware that he was even there. Your eyes widen as you take in his very naked, delicious form and the smirk he’s giving you, pulling the book he’s reading away for just a moment, offering up his cock for you and you’ve never been more grateful.

“Today,” he adds, a little sharper and you slowly crawl across to him and rest your head on his thigh as he resumes reading. You cast a glance up at him as Fred manoeuvres you to lay across his lap, hand circling your healed bum, eyes closing in pleasure as you feel your core getting wet again.

George looks away from the pages of his book to look down at you and nods once, the ghost of a smile on his lips as he gives you permission.

The second his mostly soft cock reaches your lips, you moan out in appreciation, your needs met once again. George releases a long, drawn out moan at the feel and you have to fight back a smile, knowing that you were pleasing him too. Apparently you weren’t quite out of your subspace yet.

#emeritusemeritus #emeritusemerituswrites #harry potter #Weasley twins x you #Weasley twins x reader #fred weasley #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley masterlist #george weasley #george weasley x you #Weasley twins smut #requests

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tillthelandslide · 1 year

Text

Unbelievably So - Matty Healy Fic

He lies on his bed, his bare back against the soft comforter she insisted they bought. His right arm is hooked around her shoulders, her head resting gently against his chest. Her fingers trace the tattoo under his rib, his caresses the part of her arm he can reach, pressing soft kisses to her head. A cigarette sits unsmoked on his bedside table, aside it a scented candle is alight, it was something sweet, Matty didn't care for them but they reminded him of her.

He sighs deeply and this alerts her, her head flicks upwards checking he's okay and it wasn't an unhappy sigh. He smiles down at her, knuckles find her cheek and smooth across the surface. Fingertips grip her chin, tugging her towards his awaiting lips, they merge and her sigh becomes his.

"You okay?" She murmurs against his lips once he pulls away, the kiss quenching his need for her for now.

"I'm happy" he says simply, his shoulders shrug and he lets out a laugh, as if the phrase was amusing. Her face lights up at this, it pleases her soul to know when he's with her he's happy. Truly happy. She doesn't speak yet, knowing he might want to rant for a bit, something she knows helps quiet his ever loud mind.

"For years I always put this pressure on finding what makes me happy. I thought 'making it', selling out shows, being successful would make it happy. And it did... Partly. But once it wasn't there anymore I felt shitty.... Whether I'm with you or not, I'm happy now, incredibly so. You've made my soul happy" he says and she smiles.

"I love you" she says simply and it's enough for him. He appreciates how she knew he didn't need her to say much, he needed her too listen, to understand and she did.

"And now everything else feels better. We're making great music and it's not about what it used to be about. We don't care if there's seats empty, or if some people don't like the songs. We like it and you like it. Right?" He asks and she nods.

"Yeah" he smiles, looking at the ceiling, her lips press against his chest, his fingers find her chin again, he gently presses against it, pushing her face upwards until her eyes meet his.

"You're happy right?" He asks, a slight, unsure frown resting against his lips.

"Unbelievably so" she says, she hesitates. He knows she's about to ask one of her infamous hard hitting questions. Another reason why he loved her. Most people wouldn't ask him the questions they knew he'd struggle to answer. They'd think he was too fragile to answer them. She pushed him and made him answer them and in turn it healed parts of him. At the beginning of their relationship, Matty would get annoyed, thinking she was being pushy, he soon realised he never answered them because he didn't want to have to admit certain things weren't right.

"What would happen if this was to end? You'd still be happy right? Your happiness isnt dependent on me right? She asks and he pauses for a few minutes, thinking about her question.

"Would you be happy if we broke up?" He asked, turning it back on her, something he sometimes does to deter from the question.

"I'd obviously be heart broken, I love you, truly and I never want it to end and it won't. But for the sake of the slim chance it does, purely hypothetically... My whole existence, my... I wouldn't die. I just don't want all your happiness to be dependent on me... Because mine isn't" her words seem harsh but he understands them and understands why she's asking this.

"I'd like to think I would still be happy in the end still.... But I love you so fucking much and I honestly think it would break me. I suppose my life wouldn't be totally fucked though... It wasn't just you and your presence in my life that made me happy... You were like this catalyst, you sparked this idea ... You made me realise that being negative about life is shit... You changed what I valued. You made me value the smaller things more, like the band and my mates and the beauty of the world... So I suppose, if you were to leave, that would hopefully remain and I would be happy... In the end" he explained and she nodded. He felt another wave of relief hit him, he loved the realisations you unfolded in him.

"In the end" she agreed. He pushes at her waist, turning her on her back as he moved to hover over her, his grip on her waist tighten slightly and she let out a little giggle.

"Yeah after months if not years of being depressed that I lost you" he jokes, her fingers push back the parts of his hair that flop in front of his face.

"God the guys would hate you, mopey Matty annoys them" she jokes and they both laugh. "They'd hate me more thoufh" she says seriously.

"They could never. And I could never'

"It's not going to happen though, you won't lose me" she says and he nods, they both truly believed it, leaning down to connect their lips. The kiss is sweet but firm and always passionate.

Their lips move like clockwork, each knowing the others like a map. His tongue makes a calculated swipe against her bottom lip and her mouth opens on instinct. His tongue finds hers and they mold together easily, moving naturally against one another. She sighs as his hand moves down from her waist, gripping her hip and pulling her upwards, her body arched, their cores flushed against each other. Matty groans into her mouth, breaking away for a breather. Her lips quickly find his neck and his hips move harshly against hers. Her sighs, moans and groans have him hardening to a painful extent.

'Im yours" she murmurs against his ear, something she knows he just thrives off of.

"Fuck, say it again" he murmurs, lips moving back to hers.

"I'm yours" she repeats, lips moving quickly against his again, not allowing much time to pass without them being connected.

"Your mine" he confirms. His lips smash against hers again.

#matty healy #matty the 1975 #matty healy smut #matty healy x reader #matty healy fan fic #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 fic #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 smut

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invalidstories · 1 month

Text

I hope you have the courage to...

"I hope you have the courage to keep loving deeply in a world that sometimes fails to do so. In a generation that orders up attention like they order up a meal, in a generation that has started to love with one foot out the door, I hope you have the courage to believe that genuine connection still exists. And I hope you have the courage to stand up for that, to open yourself to it when you start to feel it bloom within the heart of you. I hope you have the courage to appreciate it for all that it is, to not approach it wearing a mask, to not try to desensitize yourself to it or to play it cool. Please, I hope you have the courage to crash your heart into the people life gifts you. I hope you have the courage to believe that goodness still exists, that there are those who have the capacity to love the way you do, and that there are those who will see you, will grow you, and teach you more about the world. I hope you have the courage to fight for connection. I hope you have the courage to go deeper. To never exist on the surface of your life, even if it’s easier or more convenient. At the end of the day, you should leave this world with a heart that is worn-out and soft all over. A heart that is bruised from loving, and feeling, and caring in the best way possible. At the end of the day, you should be proud of your inability to be anything but open to the world. You should be proud of who you are.

I hope you have the courage to do the hard work. I hope you have the courage to sit down with your demons, to befriend them; to look them in the face and to not feel fear. I hope you have the courage to stop picking or numbing or avoiding the wounds within, and I hope you choose to heal them instead. I hope you have the courage to understand yourself, fundamentally—to open up the deepest, darkest parts of your mind, to unhinge your rib cage revealing the gritty parts of your soul, the parts no one else claps for, and I hope you have the courage to clean them out. To forgive yourself for what you had to do to kill your sadness. To forgive yourself for the ways in which you didn’t fight for the person you were becoming. I hope you have the courage to nurture your pain, to not disregard it or sweep it under the rug of distraction or convenience. I hope you have the courage to heal yourself, even when it hurts.

I hope you have the courage to know when to end things. And I hope you have the courage to see endings as beautiful, transformative stepping stones. I hope you have the courage to let love and opportunity move through you like rain. To not grip, or seek to change it, to not ask people or circumstances to be more than they can be for you. I hope you have the courage to see endings as the cornerstones of the chapters that changed you without needing them to be a part of the rest of your story. And when that is done, I hope you have the courage to give yourself closure. To be your own home. To be your own safe place. I hope you have the courage to not let the losses destroy you, to not let them burrow into the heart of who you are and convince you that you failed, or that you are unworthy of the happiness you are standing up for in your life. I hope you have the courage to see the way in which you loved and tried and fought for something as a testament to just how deeply your capacity to feel is, just how beautiful moments can be when you appreciate them for what they were instead of nullifying them or letting them harden you to the world. Please, I hope you have the courage to move forward. I hope you have the courage to walk away with grace.

I hope you have the courage to do things differently, to be the kind of person who takes the risk, to be the kind of person who leads with their heart and shows up in their life with a ruthless dedication to learning and growing and enjoying the hell out of their moments here. I hope you have the courage to never let comfort or apprehension convince you that you are better off staying still. I hope you have the courage to trust the part of yourself that knows there’s more out there for you, the part of yourself that is easy to quiet when you’re trying to live by the rules and the expectations of a world that has bred so much dissatisfaction and sadness. I hope you have the courage to trust the part of yourself that seeks freedom from those trends, from those boundaries, and I hope you have the courage to go after whatever it is that genuinely makes you want to get up in the morning. I hope you have the courage to find the things in life that ignite you and deepen your understanding of the world and those within it. I hope you have the courage to fight for a future that inspires you, even if it doesn’t look the way you thought it would. I hope you have the courage to change. I hope you have the courage to trust in the person you’re becoming."

-Bianca Sparacino

Masterlist

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gavisuntiedboot · 1 year

Note

calling gavi pretty 🤭 i feel like he'd deny it but his entire face would go red

beautiful pretty boy 🥰

A/N: giving myself exactly 13 minutes to write this before I continue my school work.

TW: Depression

"Hey princesa what do you- you're still in bed?"

You rolled over on your side to face Pablo, who stood in the doorway of your shared bedroom. Your (his) sweatshirt was sticking to your frame from the heat of the room under the duvet, warmed by the light that had been drifting through the windows. Your eye bags deep, you pressed the button on your phone to lock it and give him your full attention. Arms crossed, Pablo looked at you with concern.

"It's 4pm. Why haven't you gotten up yet?" He asked, tone free of judgment but full of confusion. This was the third day in a row that Pablo had come home from training to find you still asleep, staying in bed until the late afternoon. You only got up for dinner, moving with him to the couch to eat and curl into his side while staring idly at the TV. When he woke for training at 6am, he often caught you frantically hiding your phone, feigning sleep. The worry had begun to eat him up. He just wanted you to be okay.

"I ... I just can't bring myself to get out of bed, Pablo. I don't know what's wrong with me. Well I do - I'm depressed - I just don't know how to fix it."

When your eyes met Pablo, his heart was ready to burst. Your eyes conveyed something far past sadness: a deep emptiness that was consuming your very being. He stripped off his sweatshirt and got into bed beside you, raising one arm so that you could cuddle against his side. You pressed yourself into him, hiding your face in his shoulder, and the two of you just breathed each other in. He kissed the top of your forehead, rubbing your back to comfort you.

"You've been working really hard these past two weeks. The coaches told us that sometimes, when you push yourself too far past your limit, you need longer to recover. And it can make you feel really awful because usual it doesn't take this long."

You looked up at Pablo, taking in his sudden burst of wisdom. Your arms still circled around him, taking in his warm energy and positive spirit, using his bright, vibrant aura to reignite your own.

"I know they were talking about physical injury, but this is similar enough, isn't it? It's like a mental injury. You just need to give yourself time to heal, mi amor. And I'll be here with you the whole time."

You cupped Gavi's face in your hands, brushing your fingers over the curves of his cheeks and his lips. You pulled him in, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Pulling away, you kept your hands on his face as he leaned against them, just enjoying your touch.

"You're so pretty, Pablo."

The whisper had Gavi turn is gaze away from your hands and back to you, and you felt his skin heating beneath your palms from embarrassment.

"I- thank you, amor. We weren't talking about me, though." He said, unsure how else to reply. He had been called a lot of things, with people online constantly mentioning his looks. It was different to hear it from you, though.

"Not just your face, Pablo. Like yes, of course you have the prettiest face God ever gave a man. I love your face. But your soul, Pablo - your soul is beautiful. You're so pretty inside and out."

After a moment of shock, Gavi grabbed your lips, pulling you into a long and tender kiss, before burying himself in your shoulder. It was the only way he could hide how flustered he was, cheeks absolutely ablaze. He was always unsure of his place with you. He knew you loved him, but something always gnawed at the back of his mind that maybe he was making these depressive spells worse. All of that dissipated as he replayed your words over and over in his head. As you moved to pull away, he hugged you tighter, keeping you pressed against him.

"Could you... could you say it again?" He whispered, forcing himself to choke out the words despite how embarrassed he felt.

"You're so, so pretty Pablo. I love you."

~~~

A/N: time is up. Back to work. Hope you enjoyed this extremely short work lol

Update: I posted this the firs time completely ignoring the prompt so if you read it before i fixed it, no you didn't

#gavisuntiedboot #gavi fluff #pablo gavi fluff #gavi one shot #pablo gavi one shot #gavi drabble #gavi imagine #pablo gavi imagine

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fruitcoops · 1 year

Text

Falling for Forever

Two for two on deadlines, baby! Ignore the fact that it’s been 11 months. This fic put me through the absolute wringer and now I get to stand on it and witch-cackle in victory. Almost 11k words of physical, mental, emotional, and...all those other types of healing. Bon appetit, babes! Character credit goes to @lumosinlove, to whom I owe my heart and soul for building this universe.

TW for past injury/ memory loss, working through trauma

Part One: What You Have, What You Hate (the amnesia fic)

Part Two: Sirius Love Yourself and Remus Get Therapy, Electric Boogaloo

It just wasn’t fair.

Sirius was fine. Honestly, genuinely, from the bottom of his heart—he was fine. Sure, some days his head hurt more than others. Sometimes he’d wonder where he put his phone when it was still in his hand, or enter a room and forget why he went there in the first place, but those weren’t new occurrences. He could walk and talk and remember just about everything from his life, with the notable exception of the ten minutes before the hit.

But Remus hadn’t slept properly in days, and Coach wouldn’t let him back out on the ice, and the whole damn thing just reeked of pity he didn’t want. Pity he didn’t need.

Remus’ hands flickered over him, tucking and retucking the sheets until Sirius caught his wrists and pressed a kiss to each pulse point. His broad shoulders sagged. “I’m being a bother again, aren’t I,” Remus muttered. He shook his head without waiting for a response. “Fuck, I am, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not being a bother.”

“No, I totally am—”

“You’re not,” Sirius repeated. The shadows under Remus’ eyes lightened every day, but still lingered. He looked threadbare, his voice thin, like someone had taken an eraser to his edges. He held Sirius tighter at night than he ever had before. The worried crease between his brows smoothed when Sirius pulled him down to sit on the mattress with a small smile. “Lay down, I’m cold.”

Tension had been holding Remus up like a second skeleton for days now, ever since they had been discharged from the hospital and promptly collapsed into bed for ten hours. Sirius had only seen it release him in deep sleep—a fleeting event at best. It was like the hospital had followed them home and seeped into the walls, staining Remus’ vision until they were right back where they started.

Remus turned out the lamp and curled into his usual spot against Sirius’ chest, shuffling around until he was comfortable; Sirius splayed a hand between his shoulder blades and tucked his nose into soft curls. Of all the aftershocks he had prepared himself for, the fatigue had snuck up on them both. “Bonne nuit, mon coeur,” he whispered.

“Night, baby.” Lips brushed the peak of Sirius’ cheek before Remus snuggled up once more.

Kiss me, and I’ll know, Sirius had said into the inch of space between them on a paper-thin hospital pillow. And Remus had, because he was made of everything light and good and kind in the world. It had been six days since they came home; two weeks since the hit. That remained the only time Remus had kissed him on the mouth. Sirius closed his eyes against the ache in his chest and readied himself to try and rest.

That first night home had been distilled bliss. They showered together—showered, dear god how Sirius had missed that—and Remus had washed his hair and the spots he couldn’t reach with reverent hands. They were both so, so tired from the endless discharge paperwork and so, so silently afraid to step away from each other for more than a few seconds. Remus was shaky, but happy. Contented. Solid in Sirius’ arms when they finally laid in their own bed after days upon days. They spooned the whole night and into the morning, neither budging an inch.

“We should eat,” Remus had sighed when the sun was finally too high to ignore. His hand moved in slow strokes, tracing from Sirius’ hand to his elbow and back again, just to touch. The intimacy of the movement settled something deep inside them both if his drowsy smile was anything to go by.

They stayed in bed for another hour in comfortable silence before their empty stomachs won out. Even in the kitchen, Sirius had hugged Remus from behind with his chin propped on a well-muscled shoulder to watch him cook. “Mon coeur,” he murmured into the shirt that had once been his. The smell of the hospital was long gone and the fabric was soft. “Mon loup, mon amour.”

He had trailed his mouth along the curve of Remus’ neck and held him close. The frayed edges began to ease.

The routine came easily. Nothing else did, so Sirius had to be a little grateful for it. They left social media to its conspiring and only spoke to family, face-to-face on the doctor’s orders. Leo meal-prepped like a madman; they could hardly keep Dumo out of the house; Lily brought Harry over in an obvious ploy to distract Sirius while their husbands fixed the leaky faucet, though he wasn’t offended by their caution. If it were James on the injured list, he would have swaddled him in bubble wrap at the first opportunity.

“Hey.” A kiss feathered Sirius’ temple and he looked up from his crossword, blinking back the memories. Remus perched on the table with a smile he couldn’t help but mirror, clad in a sweater that brought out the hearth-warm brown in his eyes.

“Bonjour,” he managed, a little breathless.

“Wanna go for a walk?”

“Really?” The doctors’ definition of his permitted ‘minimal exercise’ amounted to literally walking up and down the stairs—even a wander around the block was pushing his luck. Sirius had tried extraordinarily hard not to be jealous when Remus took Hattie out every few hours so she didn’t destroy their couch pillows with excess bursts of energy, but it felt like he was a toddler in time-out. “A real walk?”

“A real walk,” Remus confirmed. He ran his fingers through the hair above Sirius’ ears and Sirius nuzzled into it with a kiss to his palm. That touch had kept him grounded at his lowest point. He knew better than to take it for granted, now.

“What about a run?” he asked, cracking a grin at the eye-roll it earned him.

And Remus laughed. The sound sent butterflies careening through his stomach; it hadn’t been absent since his fall, but it had been…well, a little rare, if he was being honest. More rare than his mostly-reliable memory told him it should be. Remus was joy incarnate, but he had been so tired lately. It was good to see him shine again, even for a moment.

Sirius pulled him in by the sleeve and kissed the corner of his mouth, tasting the last bits of humor that lingered there. Not the lips. Not until Remus was ready. “I love you.”

Remus turned until their foreheads rested together and their noses bumped. He was smiling softly. “Love you, too.”

“Baby?”

Sirius made a noise of acknowledgement, but didn’t budge. His hands were warm in his pockets, and the sun was hot on his windburned face. Hattie’s collar jingled; he smiled when her nose pushed into his thigh and Remus’ arm looped through his own. “Hey. Good run?”

“That hydrangea was a real threat to our safety.”

Sirius grinned and opened his eyes to kiss the top of Remus’ head. Fresh air seeped into his blood, replacing the stale sludge he had been dragging around all week. Finally, he felt human. “I’m sure it was.”

“Excuse me?”

They both startled, stepping apart. “Yes?” Remus said, his tone curious but a little tense. “Can we help you?”

A young man shifted from foot to foot, as if he couldn’t quite believe they had acknowledged him. It seemed whatever (certainly invasive) question he was going to ask had become stuck in his throat. Sirius arched a brow and saw him swallow hard. “Are you—are you okay?” the young man finally got out.

There it is. Sirius forced a smile and knew it came out tight by the sudden regret on the other man’s face. “I’m fine, thank you.”

“You’re sure?”

I’d be a lot more sure if you fucked off and let me enjoy my walk. “Very sure,” he promised.

The young man’s dark eyes flickered between them before settling on Sirius’ forehead. His beanie covered the small bandage, but that didn’t seem to dissuade him from staring. “You were in the hospital for, like…a while.”

“Just a few days,” Remus assured him. Sirius felt a light squeeze on his hand and returned it in a silent request; a gust of wind snuck down the back of his coat and raised goosebumps along his arms.

“Will you play at the next game?”

Sirius exhaled slowly through his nose as something bitter crawled up and stained his teeth. “We’re waiting on the go-ahead from the doctors,” Remus said placatingly. “Better safe than sorry. Thanks for your concern, though. Enjoy the weather.”

They were walking before the man could open his mouth again—Remus’ knuckles were white on Hattie’s leash and she had to trot to keep up with them, her fluffy tail bobbing happily. Sirius ground his back teeth so hard they squeaked. “Remus—”

“Don’t,” Remus murmured, clear and clipped. “Don’t go there, baby, it’s not worth it.”

“I need to play.” He did. He needed to play. He needed to not sit at home for another week, two weeks, a month, and pretend he was alright with it. Six days were manageable. Six more would send him over the edge. If he had to spend another beautiful afternoon cooped up in the house...

“You’ll play when you’re ready.”

“I am ready.”

Remus stopped cold, jostling both him and Hattie. He took a fortifying breath, mouth pressed into an unhappy line. “Please don’t do that,” he said quietly. “Sirius, just—don’t. You know I hate being the bad guy with this kind of thing.”

Sirius looked away. He did know that. He had seen how miserable Remus was when he had to bully Sirius into doing his exercises when his ribs were broken, how it had killed him when Sirius couldn’t put his fatal fucking pride aside for two seconds to heal. Guilt made his stomach squirm. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “But I—I need to play.”

“I know.” Remus’ eyes found his own then, gloved hands wrapping around Sirius’ wrists with something like desperation. “Believe me, I get it and I’m sorry and this has got to be the worst feeling. But this is different than your ribs, okay? We can’t afford to backslide. This isn’t some sort of—fucking punishment, I promise.”

God, he hated spoiling perfectly nice days because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. His winter clothes made his skin prickle. “I feel fine, Re.”

“But you’re not.” Remus turned Sirius’ face back with a touch to his jaw and he went willingly, even though he wanted to see anything but the hurt in Remus’ eyes. Since when was he so terrible at listening? “Not yet. We’ll start here and work our way up. I won’t talk to the press about it after games. You don’t owe people like him a thing. Don’t make this harder for yourself by letting them get under your skin.”

Sirius took a deep breath. The steam of his exhale clouded the curls spilling out from under Remus’ hat. He had known this would happen the second someone asked about his health—it was his rookie season all over again, shooting pucks in the basement because he didn’t know what else to do. Remus deserved better than what Sirius had done to himself. “Let’s do another loop around the park.”

Remus had cried the third night. The days were easy; they could cuddle and cook and Remus would read to him while he napped, still drained from a week of hospitalization. They could watch one TV episode every evening and got permission to throw their diet plans out the window to enjoy some treats in celebration.

At two o’clock in the morning, Remus had bolted upright in bed and shaken Sirius awake, rattling off an endless stream of questions that Sirius couldn’t respond to. Not because he didn’t know the answers, but because he had been unconscious about four seconds prior and was still technically concussed.

“Non,” he had mumbled, grappling against waking and batting sleepily at the thing holding his shoulders.

A strangled sob had answered and Remus’ touch disappeared like he was touching hot coals. By the time Sirius registered enough of the world to attempt reassurance, all he could do was hold Remus and silently curse himself. Do you know me? Remus had asked. Sirius had given him the one wrong answer. Done the one wrong movement.

It was three o’clock when Remus finally let sleep take him again, slumping into Sirius’ side with tears drying on his face. Sirius laid them down and watched light play over the ceiling from the street. When Remus woke again at nine, he didn’t say a word about the nightmare, just turned into the hollow of Sirius’ neck and let his hand rest above his heart. Though Remus slept fitfully over the following nights, he hadn’t cried again.

They were working on it.

“Out.”

“But I—”

“Out,” Leo repeated, making a shooing motion with his spatula. Sirius muttered something under his breath and trekked back into the living room with a last kiss to his husband’s cheek, working up a scowl like he was getting paid for it.

“Impressive,” Remus remarked around a mouthful of chips from his seat on the counter; his gaze lingered on Sirius’ retreating back while Leo poured sauce over the stuffed pasta and popped the whole pan in the oven.

Leo set a timer, wiped his hands on his pants, then cast one more look out the kitchen door to make sure their respective boys were out of sight before turning to Remus with his arms crossed. “What’s up?”

Remus’ chewing slowed. “Just…having chips.”

“Loops.”

“Did you want some?”

Stubborn bastard. Leo pushed himself onto the counter next to Remus and gave him a look his mother would be proud of. “What’s going on? I’m worried about you, man.”

But rather than throwing the chips aside and spilling his heart out—not that Leo was expecting it from Remus ‘Brick Wall’ Lupin, though a guy could dream—Remus closed his eyes and exhaled long and slow. “You are the third person to say that in 24 hours, Knutty. I’m good. If I wasn’t, I would talk to someone about it.”

“See, if you had ever done that even once in your life, I would believe you.”

“I’m doing great,” Remus insisted. Leo wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince. “Sirius is home, he’s healing, he’s making progress, we’re fine.”

The distant look in his eyes was gone, but something in his face was still too heavy. Leo hadn’t heard him crack a joke or seen a real smile all day. He chewed the inside of his lip and raised his eyebrows, and watched Remus’ resolve crumble. “I didn’t ask about Sirius, Re,” he said. “I asked about you.”

“I’m not the one who had amnesia.”

“No, you’re the one whose husband had amnesia, and that’s pretty fucking traumatic.” Remus shoved another handful of chips into his mouth with an unhappy crunch; Leo hesitated for a moment, then shuffled closer until their sides touched. Remus tensed. “I’m not trying to push you, but I need you to know that I’m here and I want to talk when you’re ready. I can’t imagine how hard the last couple weeks have been.”

He had tried, the night he went to get Regulus. Every part of him felt full of pure energy—every red light had made him twitchy as the events of the day replayed in his head on constant loop. But picturing himself in Remus’ shoes, and Finn or Logan shoving him away from their bedside with a stay the hell away from me or that fragile, frightened confusion...that had taken the wind right out of his sails. He nearly turned around to go home then and there.

“It sucks.” Remus didn’t look away from the oven timer. “That’s kind of all there is to it, you know? It happened. It sucks. We’re working on it.”

Leo nudged him, just a little. A single crack in Remus’ careful walls was progress. “It does suck,” he agreed. “Have you been alone yet?”

“I mean, yeah, you guys are the first visitors in a couple—”

“Have you been alone yet?” Leo repeated.

Remus was quiet for a few seconds, then swallowed hard. “I fixed the faucet with James, but I can’t…I can’t. I don’t think either of us can right now.”

“Okay.”

Remus’ eyes flickered up to him. “Okay?”

“I’m not a therapist.” Leo shrugged one shoulder and tried for a smile. “I’m your friend. Yes, I’m worried, but I’m not going to force you to do shit right now. I’m going to make dinner for you and a cake and then you’re going to tell me what you need a hand with so you can focus on dealing with this instead of, like, cleaning your windows.”

The kitchen was starting to smell like manicotti, cheesy and warm and full of tomato. Remus set the chips down and tucked his hands under his legs with a shake of his head. Ever so slightly, he leaned into Leo. Success. “I wish this never happened.”

Leo sighed. “Me, too.”

“I wish I had caught him in time.”

“I was closer than you were.” The guilt had been so raw at first, but it was scabbing over. Dwelling on the past wouldn’t fix the present. “Are you mad at me?”

“Fuck, no.”

“There was nothing we could’ve done fast enough, Re.”

Remus scrubbed his hands down his face, then linked them at the back of his neck. “I need to talk to Heather.”

Relief crashed over Leo in a tidal wave; he took Remus by the shoulders and pulled him in for a brief, fierce hug that drew an ‘ope’ of surprise out of him. “I really didn’t want to bring it up but yes, you do, and I will drive you there myself if you want.”

Remus laughed weakly, but didn’t try to pull away. “Is it bad that I want to lay on the floor for at least twelve hours?”

“I might suggest the couch instead, for the sake of your old-man joints.”

“Watch it, Knut.”

“Keep that up and you’re not getting extra sauce.” It was an empty threat and they both knew it, but it was worth it for Remus’ snort of amusement. Leo squeezed him in a quick pulse. “Fuck, dude, I missed you.”

Leo felt some of the iceberg-sized worry slough away at the tentative press of Remus’ hands on his back. In the other room, Logan and Sirius were already laughing. “Will you hide some of the manicotti so I can reheat it later?” Remus mumbled.

“There’s a whole pan in the back of the fridge behind your gross coconut water.”

“The kind Sirius hates?”

“Pre-cisely.”

“You’re a godsend.”

“I get that a lot.”

Lily sipped her tea with the same energy as a wolf watching a lame, juicy rabbit from across a riverbank. When Remus said as much, she cracked a smile. “Just thinking.”

“Huh, there’s a first.”

“Fuck you, too.” He felt a light kick to his shin under the table and feigned injury, just to watch her face scrunch in a snort. “Spoke to the hubs.”

“Yours or mine?”

“The less hot one.”

“And how is Pots today?”

“Looking DILF-ier every minute. That man needs another baby. But actually, Re, I think you and Sirius should talk.”

He raised his brows. “Is that so?”

“Sounds like somebody has been squishing all those gross, nasty feelings back into the little box he just got them out of.”

“Oh, Jesus, it is not that bad—”

He jumped when Lily touched the back of his hand. Something knowing had overtaken the laughter on her face. “Remus, you need to talk to someone.”

“I’m seeing Heather on Thursday.”

“Good.” She set her teacup down and took his hand between both of her own, twisting his ring. “I’m worried about you.”

“Take a number.”

“Can you stop for, like, two seconds and let me try to help? I’m bad at this. Have some mercy.”

Something wriggled with discomfort inside him, but he put his cup on the table. “Lils…”

“Calm down, we’re not here to therapize each other. We’re here to have fun and watch bad TV and you’re going to let me paint your nails later. But—” She held her hand up when he made a face. “But first, I’m going to do my job as your best friend and tell you that some people think the patented Remus Lupin Avoidance Tactic isn’t going to work with this extraordinarily terrible event.”

“What people?”

“You know what people.”

Unfortunately, he did. Sirius, Talker, Leo, Lily…the side effect of a supportive family was having all kinds of people up in his business. Even more unfortunately, they were probably right. “Leo talked to me,” he admitted. “It helped. And I really am going to see Heather, and I’m going to try to—I don’t know, let go a little.”

Lily laced their fingers together the way he had done for her the night she found out about Harry. Her next breath came out less steady. “That means you have to let us take care of you, okay? Even if you’re busy taking care of Sirius. He’s got medical experts to do the heavy lifting. You’ve got Remus experts.”

“Lily, I’m not the injured one,” he said quietly.

“This hurt you, too.” The green of her eyes looked a little misty before she glanced away. “Holy shit, Remus, this hurt all of us, but I don’t ever want to watch you hurt like that again. I love Sirius to death but he’s got stuff to work through that you can’t fix. If you’re so worried about helping, then please let us help you.”

“I can’t ask that.”

“That’s why I’m offering.”

An exhale got stuck in his chest and he coughed lightly; Lily tilted her head back with a sniffle. Christ on a crutch, this whole vulnerability thing is harder than it sounds. “Leo made us dinner the other night. Talker and I are going skating on Saturday. I’m trying.”

“I know,” she said. “I know you are. But if it had been James that fell, and I was the one in your spot, what would you do?”

I wouldn’t leave your side. He started to answer, then faltered. Lily’s mouth turned down at the corner. “Oh, shit,” he said thickly. Across the table, Lily nodded. “Oh—I have been awful to you.”

“No, no, no, I’m not mad.” The pressure of her hands on his own increased, like she was trying to push it into him.

“I’m scared.” His voice wobbled and he blew out a sharp breath. In the blur of his vision, their hands were the same vague lump. How could he be so self-absorbed? How could he push them all away without even knowing it? He opened and closed his mouth. I need help. I need help. It was right there, but all that came out was, “Lily.”

She tugged on his sleeve; in the space between breaths, they were hugging. Her breaths hitched under his hands a few times before calming, and Remus shut his eyes tight and held her closer. I hurt you. I’m sorry. He knew she wouldn’t accept an apology. That didn’t mean he couldn’t think it with all his heart. Somehow, she would hear it.

“All you have to do is let us be there,” she rasped, pulling away to hold him at arms’ length with a light shake. “We want to. You’re scared and that’s fine and nobody is angry with you. Just talk to us. Talk to Sirius.”

He nodded mutely. When Lily brought him close again, he didn’t pretend he needed anything else.

The isolation was what killed him most. They were given no privacy—fuck the media and fuck the inventor of cell phone cameras, motherfuckers the lot of them—and so Sirius saw it all. Everything he didn’t remember. Everything he had tried to forget. Remus, pale and frightened with Sirius’ blood on his fingers. Remus, unable to let go of his hand when the medics pulled Sirius onto the stretcher until James pried him off. Remus, tucked in on himself in the lobby outside Sirius’ room looking like he had been flayed inside out.

So he understood. He got it. The trauma, the pain. What he didn’t understand was why Remus wouldn’t let him in anymore.

It hurt a little (a lot) to hear Remus rustling around and know he wouldn’t get a kiss even if he asked. And when he did ask, his request would be met with a wan smile and a brush of lips to his cheek, chin, forehead, everywhere but his lips. There was love in those touches—he could feel it radiating—but the reckless abandon was gone.

It was like Remus wanted to melt into the walls. It was like he wanted to melt and leave Sirius behind entirely.

God, it was always him, wasn’t it? Always his fault. Everything that went wrong in Sirius’ life would track right back around in an endless circle to the laundry list of wrong decisions. The ache of knowing Remus didn’t want him anymore was constant and painful like a broken ankle, but the absolute fucking terror of being shut out was a killstroke Sirius had never wanted to imagine.

He didn’t like the person he was before Remus. He didn’t want to know what would happen if the frosted front was permanent. How could he be real and solid when the one thing that reminded him he was alright was…

Was not alright. So deeply not alright in every curve and angle of his body. Sirius wasn’t foolish enough to think Remus would willingly talk about his feelings, especially at a time like this, but some silly, devoted part of him had thought Remus would at least try. He had mentioned something similar (if kinder) to Lily over crepes and hot chocolate, and a funny expression had come over her face. She had touched his wrist and smiled, but a troubled shadow remained through the rest of their lunch.

When Remus came home after their day together and said, “I asked for help” before anything else, he knew that shadow had found its mark.

“You did?”

“I did.” Remus took his time with his winter layers, hanging and folding each one with unusual care. “Lily and I had a good talk.”

“That’s—”

“I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry.”

Sirius blinked. Lily, what did you do? “… for what?”

“I’ve been all over the place.” His words were coming just a touch too fast. Remus’ hands were cool on his face, but his lips were warm when he left a kiss on each of Sirius’ cheeks, like he had been biting them again. “I was trying to do too much for you, and I should have backed off. We both needed some space to process.”

“Um. D’accord.” He kissed Remus’ forehead and felt him melt. His shoulders relaxed. His hands came to rest on Sirius’ hips. Sirius left another tentative kiss by his temple; he would take every bit of affection he could get. “Is everything okay?”

“I haven’t been fair to you,” Remus repeated.

“I—no, I heard that part.” Sirius rubbed his back carefully. Remus had grown thinner over the month, though from stress or distraction, he wasn’t sure. The notches of his spine ran in a ladder beneath Sirius’ fingertips as he gathered him closer. Perhaps Lily had succeeded where he had failed. “You’ve done more than I could have asked for, loup.” More than I deserved. Yet Remus wasn’t pulling away from him, wasn’t showing the slightest sign of discomfort under his hands. “I picked up some zucchini. And made a cake.”

Remus made a faint noise of interest where his face was pressed close to Sirius’ collarbone.

“It’s chocolate.”

That got him a pleased mumble.

Sirius risked a kiss to the top of his head and got a happy sigh in return. “Come cook with me. We’ll talk. Tell me about Lily.”

Remus blinked slowly when they parted; the nervous buzz of energy had trickled to a hum. “What about Lily?” he asked. “You just had lunch together.”

Did she tell you I moped about you? “Ouais, but you talk about other things.” He left his hand on the small of Remus’ back as they crossed the short distance to the kitchen and found no protest. Perhaps it was time for a bigger question. “You look better, mon coeur. It seems like she helped.”

Tension twitched against his palm before settling down again. Remus stretched his arms out with a groan, then went for the cutting board drawer. “She did,” he admitted after a moment. “I was—yeah, no, she helped a lot. There was a lot happening in my head that I didn’t have words for.”

“I know the feeling,” Sirius half-laughed, passing him a knife. This was good. This was progress. Before the fall, they cooked together every night. His body knew the motions even if his thoughts were a whirlwind. Remus knocked their temples together lightly. Next step. “Like what?”

“What?”

“What didn’t you have words for?”

Remus shrugged one shoulder and began slicing the stems from the zucchini. “Just…stuff. Oh, you found really good ones.”

“I’m glad.” Sirius watched him work in silence for a few seconds, stirring olive oil in a pan with no heat under it. Remus didn’t appear to notice. “Re?”

“Mmm?”

“Were you angry with me?”

“Oh, god, no.” Remus jerked his head up, his brows pitching. Something in Sirius’ expression must have given him away, because his gaze softened. “I was just scared, I think. It’s been a lot.”

“Tell me about it,” he joked.

But Remus didn’t laugh. His cheeks flushed and he turned back to the zucchini with an uncomfortable cough. Fuck. Remus tugged his lower lip between his teeth, worrying at it in a tic Sirius had been trying so hard to break him of. “I couldn’t help you. At the rink, I mean.” The knife accentuated each word with a clack. “But I could help here, and so I was trying too hard. That’s kind of my—um, that’s kind of my default.”

“Je sais,” Sirius said quietly.

“So, I’m sorry for spiraling into you when other people know how to help better.” Remus let out a shaky laugh. “God, this is hard. I’m trying to be brave about it.”

“You were brave for me.” The words were gentler than expected. The chop-chop-chop of the knife slowed, and stopped. “You stayed in a hospital for three days. You were brave for me.”

A wobbly slice of zucchini fell on the cutting board. There was a slight tremor in Remus’ hand, now. “I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

“You were brave,” Sirius repeated. He reached out and stopped the knife, folding Remus’ fingers into his own. “I can’t imagine what that was like. Thank you.”

His shoulders shuddered. He still didn’t look up. The tremor had spread to his arms, fine and delicate under his sweater. “I would do it all again.”

“I know.” Remus sniffed at that, pressing his sleeve under his nose as if he could hide it from Sirius. A droplet hit the edge of the cutting board, staining the wood. “Mon loup.”

“For you, I would do it all again.”

“Remus,” he murmured, turning him by the shoulders until he could see Remus’ bottom lip quivering despite the turn of his handsome face. A noise caught in Remus’ throat when Sirius cupped his jaw and brushed the pad of his thumb over one damp cheek. “Re, I need you to talk to me.”

“I can’t do it,” he choked out with a slight shake of his head. “Not without you. I wouldn’t want to.”

And, fuck, if that didn’t just carve at something deep in Sirius’ insides. Remus couldn’t even look at him, his gaze somewhere between the cabinet and the floor, hidden under his too-long hair that was just starting to curl.

His next breath was almost a wheeze. “I can’t do this without you.”

“Yes, you can.” Sirius gave his arms a light squeeze. Remus was strong and solid and more grounded than anyone he knew.

The sniffs came faster, his chest hitching over and over until it became a constant shiver; he swayed forward, hands slipping from Sirius’ elbows to grip the back of his shirt like it was the only thing holding Remus on Earth, his face pressed flush to Sirius’ chest as tears began to soak through it. Sirius caught him. Held him. He tucked his face against the side of Remus’ head and let him leave all that heavy burden in his arms for just a moment longer.

“I could,” Remus admitted, so miserable Sirius had to close his eyes. “Fuck, Sirius, I could, but I would hate every second of it.”

It should be impossible to feel heartbreak for something that never happened. And yet.

Sirius shifted to rest his chin on Remus’ head while sobs turned silent in the sleeve of his shirt. He would give anything to take that pain away. His fame, his money, anything in the world—whatever it took to make sure Remus never had to wonder if he would have to keep going alone. Sirius would be dead before he left him. But he supposed that was exactly what Remus feared most.

“You don’t have to.” He whispered the promise into the soft golden hair above Remus’ ear like the greatest truth. “You don’t have to, I swear. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and I want you, and I care about you, and I’ll never leave you.”

The big talk could come later. He was more than willing to wait.

Remus woke in the middle of the night to the blankets shifting and a familiar weight absent from his side. Rather than giving in to immediate panic (a far-too-frequent habit, though he hated to admit it), he reached out with a sleep-slurred question and felt around blindly until Sirius’ hand caught him. “I’m here,” Sirius said with a laugh in his voice and a kiss to his wrist. Remus hummed. Of course he was. Sirius had never left him before. “Re?”

“Mhmm?” he managed, slotting himself into Sirius’ side and throwing a leg over his thigh. He was warm and wonderful.

Sirius was quiet for a bit, idly toying with Remus’ hair. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Kiss you all the time.”

“On the lips.”

Ah, yes. Exhibit number 204 in the inventory of Remus’ weird hangups in the wake of terrible things. He was endlessly grateful for Leo and Lily—their talks had let him begin to classify the experience as actual trauma rather than dismissing himself more—but it still made him frown into Sirius’ shirt. The truth, while necessary, wouldn’t be pleasant.

“ ’m scared,” he said at last.

The hand in his hair slowed. “You’re scared… of kissing me?”

He finally blinked one eye open and checked the clock. Hours left until dawn, because they had never been able to have serious conversations in daylight. He stretched, bidding the dregs of drowsiness goodbye before he moved his head to the pillow and met Sirius’ troubled expression. Oh, god, I lost him. The words had ripped from him as he knelt on the cold floor of the hospital, disoriented and shattered, his world coming down in pieces. He had never thought it was possible, and that made it hurt even more.

Remus sighed through his nose and kissed the closest bit of Sirius he could reach. “It brought you back to me.” Kiss me, and I’ll know. “I’m still afraid it’ll take you away.”

Sirius stared at him for a long moment. “You know I was flirting with you, ouais? At the hospital. With the kiss thing.”

“I know, baby,” Remus laughed, a little bubble of happiness sliding all the way into his heart. He had missed their talks. “You were very smooth. But…I don’t know, it stuck with me. I know it doesn’t make sense. I want to kiss you all the time, and every time I try, I think about seeing you in that bed.”

Sirius’ palm nearly covered his whole cheek as he cradled Remus’ face, guiding him in to brush their noses together. “How about this bed?” he said, low and just for Remus to hear. “This is a good bed.”

Remus’ heart skipped a beat. Sirius’ lips were so close they were practically touching; he was comfortable and safe, and the hospital was far in the past. He knew what Sirius’ lips would feel like against his own, how his breath would catch after the first press. Kissing Sirius was a part of life and he loved it with his whole heart.

“You don’t have to,” Sirius whispered. Remus could feel the shape of the words on his own mouth and closed his eyes. “Re, you don’t have to, but I love you and I want you to know you’ll never lose me.”

A shuddering breath left him. He was afraid. But he could be brave at the same time.

Sirius’ breath caught when their lips met and Remus squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, feeling the rough scratch of stubble on his palm when he guided Sirius’ chin down for a better angle. His lips were as chapped and full as he remembered; his smile was just as sweet. Sirius let him roll them over until Remus could hover above him, supported by one elbow because he couldn’t bear to break contact now that it was in his hands again. “Re—”

Remus made a small noise and kissed him harder. No words. Nothing to take them out of this. Sirius curled a hand around his wrist and held it, his thumb rubbing circles over Remus’ pulse. It wasn’t until his lungs began to burn that he leaned back, lips sore and heart racing. “I love you,” he said around the emotion clogging every attempt at speech. A few weeks ago, that kind of kiss would have been nothing but a habit. “Sirius, you don’t even know how much I love you.”

“I know—”

“You don’t.” The memory of bright fluorescent lights bleeding in from the hall pushed at the back of his mind. His whole body tingled. When he licked his lips, he could taste Sirius’ chapstick. “I know you love me because you tell me and we spend time together and you hold me so close, but I don’t know how to tell you so that you understand.”

Sirius’ hands smoothed along his heaving sides. “I know you love me, Re. Have a little faith.”

“I have so much faith in you.” The air didn’t burn with antiseptic; their sheets were washed with plain laundry soap. “I would do anything for you. I love you so much.”

A tumble of soothing French followed and Remus sank into it, letting himself be guided back down and hugged. “This is important, so I need you to listen,” Sirius said with a scattering of kisses to his jaw. Remus forced himself to open his eyes. He would listen. He would do that for Sirius, whose gaze was determined, but not angry. Never angry. “I love you. I always have. I loved you from the second I woke up in that hospital room, even though it scared the shit out of me.”

Sirius had feared him in the hospital, had shoved him back. Get away from me.

“Please look at me.” He found Sirius again in the darkness. His calm eyes, his gentle mouth. “I’ve never doubted your love, Re. I can feel it in everything you do.”

“I try really hard,” he said, far too honestly. Sirius’ hand smoothed down his spine and Remus pressed into him. He wanted—he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Even being held was overwhelming. Another kiss might make him pass out.

“I know.” Sirius’ voice was heavy. “I’m sorry if I made you think anything else.”

Remus shook his head. He never wanted to leave their bed. “It’s just been a lot.”

“It has. I’m so grateful for you, Re.” Lips touched his forehead. “Mon amour.”

My love. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

“You can take your time,” Sirius said with another peck to his cheek that made him burn. “With kisses, and with—with everything.”

Hmm, no, please knock me out with your magic lips. “Can I have a goodnight kiss?”

“Ouais, mon vœu.” Sirius didn’t even try to mask the relief in his voice as Remus tilted his head up; his hand was steady under Remus’ chin when it dipped at the delicate kiss. “Fais de beaux rêves.”

He moved to pull away, but Remus chased his mouth and caught him for another. Sirius was right—this was a good bed. The sheets were familiar, the light a soft glow. It was home. They kissed at home.

He left one on the corner of Sirius’ mouth for good measure before settling back down with an arm over his ribs. The bundle of anxiety he had been carrying since they came home felt lighter. “Goodnight,” he sighed, vibrating in every limb. “I love you.”

Sirius knew it would feel good to be back on the ice, but he had never imagined it would feel like this. The puck found the flat of his stick just like he knew it would; the carbon fiber flexed, he squared his shoulders, and the whoosh of it sinking into the net brought nothing but joy to his whole body. Remus was right, per usual—hockey was love.

He took a wide, lazy loop while everyone else fucked around, chirping each other or fencing with their sticks or boxing, gloveless and playful. The ice was smooth under his skates; he let it carry him wherever it wanted and watched spirals form in his wake. His pads fit like a second skin, grounding him with their weight. Even his mouthguard settled just right over his teeth.

“Someone’s having a good day,” James teased, smacking the backs of his thighs as he passed. Sirius grinned, deliriously happy, and let James drag him into a hug; they collided with a familiar thump of pads. “Man, is it good to have you back out here.”

“It’s good to be back.” Five weeks was by far the longest Sirius had ever gone without skating. Even in the summers, he would find a rink or head to the basement when he got the itch. Mid-season, that number was down in the hours. His skates were home. He was finally settled in his skin.

“This captain shit is hard,” James laughed when they parted, eyes bright behind his contacts. “I’ve been doing it for a month, and I’m done.”

“Five years,” Sirius reminded him.

“I know, you fuckin’ hockey mutant.”

Sirius stole a puck out from under Finn and snapped it to James, who caught it with ease. All it took was a twitch of his brow and the game was on, keep-away across the ice with rules they both knew by heart. The cold air burned his face when he picked up speed; James’ crossovers were even better than they had been when they last played together, and Sirius smiled. A month of being captain had done him good.

The shrill chirp of Arthur’s whistle stabbed all the way to the base of his skull and nearly sent him flying into James’ back mid-dive. “Fuck—”

“Easy,” James grunted beneath his weight when he caught him. Concern had replaced the excitement on his face. “Hey, you okay?”

“I—yeah, I’m fine.” Sirius blinked and shook his head. Weird. He hadn’t had so much as a headache in two weeks, but already he could feel a faint throbbing behind his eye. He shook his head again and stood up straight, pointedly ignoring the worried looks several teammates were shooting him. He was fine. He was healed.

“I posted the schedule by the bench,” Arthur called, the whistle hanging innocently around his neck once again. “We’re doing fundamentals today, okay? Nailing down the basics is a strength of this team, so I want you to put a hundred percent of your effort into the technicalities. Save any fancy tricks for the scrimmage at the end.”

Sirius smiled to himself. He excelled at fundamentals, and if he knew Coach, those basic exercises would fall right into his wheelhouse. He wasn’t stupid—obviously it was Arthur’s way of saying ‘welcome back’, but Sirius wasn’t about to complain about a chance to show off a little and shake the rust away.

Passing drills? Easy.

Net accuracy? Piece of cake.

Puck handling? Sirius had more than enough trophies sitting at home to do it in his sleep.

He reveled in returning to the routine that had built his entire life. His stick was an extension of his arms and his skates added those few inches of height for the perspective he had been missing, always a bit too short to see things through the right frame until he was back where he belonged. His muscles burned just right; the gloomy fog lurking in the back of his head lifted under the bright lights of his favorite place.

Someone bumped his back just as he was (reluctantly) heading to the bench for a water break, and arms wound around his waist. “Hi,” Sirius laughed as momentum carried them forward.

“Hey.” Remus gave him a squeeze, then ducked under his arm. He was flushed with happiness. Sirius’ heart tripped over itself. “How’re you feeling?”

“So good.” His whole face hurt from smiling and he cast a look around at the perfect chaos. “So, so good.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Got a little wobbly earlier with James. Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sirius assured him, tilting Remus’ face up for a kiss on his button nose. But it was for fun, now. They had been allowed more than enough time to figure out their issues, both at home with each other and alone with Heather. Impossibly, he felt better around Remus after a month of recovery than he ever had before. “I’ll tell you if I start feeling bad, but this is good. I needed it.”

“I know you did, baby.”

They made their way back to the bench together, hips bumping with each out of sync step until their skates were on solid ground again and Sirius let himself fall into the mess of his friends without hesitation. Shoulders jostled, elbows knocked—he was at peace. “Good to have you back out there, Cap,” Kasey said with a grin and a clap to his upper arm. “Needed someone who could give me a run for my money.”

“Hey!” Logan complained.

A hand caught Sirius by the scruff and he went willingly into Dumo’s side hug, nudging their temples together. “Thought you could take a break and come back just as strong, eh?”

Sirius grinned. “You know it.”

Dumo tsked and shoved him away by the forehead. “Remus! Five weeks, and you haven’t tamed the ego on this one?”

“Not nearly enough time,” Remus countered with a wink that made Sirius’ stomach flip. “I barely managed to keep him in bed, you think I was paying attention to the real elephant in the room?”

“Yeah, I bet you kept him in bed!” Finn wolf-whistled, earning himself a squirt to the face from Remus’ waterbottle. The conversation devolved rapidly into hollering and playful jabs from all sides, and Sirius gave as good as he got.

Then the whistle blew again, and black spots of pain danced in his vision.

He rubbed the corner of his forehead with the heel of his hand for some relief and felt the textured skin of his new scar pull. He frowned.

“Baby?” The guys were still loud as they flooded back onto the ice—he must have missed Arthur’s instructions, he never missed instructions—but Remus’ voice was barely above a murmur. “Sirius, you okay?”

“Ouais.” The spots faded out. The pain had been quick and sharp, like lightning. “It’s—yeah, I’m good. The whistle startled me.”

Remus had his PT face on, though, and Sirius’ heart sank. He wasn’t getting out of this one easily. “Your head’s bugging you?”

Before the fall and everything that came after it, he might have lied. He might have continued to tell Remus he was fine despite obviously not being fine, and Remus would have let him, but he would’ve been upset and it would take them days to work it out. Hell, six weeks ago Sirius would have cut every corner he found to get back into hockey as fast as possible. And because Remus loved him, because Remus was so goddamn committed to making sure he was happy, he would’ve been able to get away with a lot more before someone called him on his bullshit.

That was six weeks ago. That was before the fall.

“It’s hurting a little,” he admitted. “But only when the whistle blows, and only for a moment. We’ll check it out when we get home. I feel really good for the scrimmage, though.”

Remus nodded hesitantly, then leaned up and kissed his cheek. A frown touched his mouth. “Talk to Layla after practice?”

“I will,” Sirius promised.

And that was that. Honesty, an easy promise to keep, and they were good again. They had both learned over the first few stages of recovery that a lack of communication to salvage one good moment wasn’t worth the inevitable Jenga tower of problems later. Sirius didn’t have to be afraid Remus would leave him over an imperfection, and Remus didn’t have to fear Sirius feeling suffocated by him.

It was such a breath of fresh air.

He lined up across from Dumo, bracing for the puck drop as adrenaline dripped through him and focused his vision. He won the face-off in one quick swipe of his stick and passed it to James, who caught it just like the last million times they had done it.

“Open!” he shouted as the opposing defense closed in on James and Finn. The puck was a blur he knew well, easy to catch, easy to carry. He slipped past Olli and dodged Dumo’s attempted poke-check; Sirius couldn’t stop grinning. His body remembered everything it was supposed to.

He snagged a goal in the first period and two assists in the second. It wasn’t until they were well into the third period that he realized he hadn’t taken a single check.

At first, he wrote it off as a scrimmage courtesy—no checks meant a severely reduced risk of injury. But it lingered in his thoughts and dragged his gaze to spots he normally wouldn’t put that much attention in; Logan colliding with everyone but Sirius, Nado and Kuny’s play-fight, Remus’ quick hits that always shocked the puck from the opponent. Not even one of them came close to Sirius.

He called for the puck again and made a break for the net; Logan was on his ass in a second, but he didn’t make a move to try and steal it away. Sirius extended his stick a couple inches. Nothing. He did it again, giving Logan the perfect opportunity to snatch it away if he just bumped Sirius a little.

“Are you going to take it or not?” he snapped as they swerved around Dumo.

Logan immediately looked guilty. “I…”

Sirius ground his teeth and knocked the puck to James, who attempted a shot he didn’t even try and follow. If they weren’t going to play fair, he didn’t want to play at all. “What the fuck are you doing, Logan?”

“Playing defense.”

“I practically handed it to you!”

“Well, fuck you, too!” Logan said waspishly.

The throbbing behind Sirius’ eye had started again. He wanted to break his stick in frustration, but he didn’t know if he could do it. There were angles and force and—and his head was killing him for the first time in weeks. The others were gathering in little huddles around them. He fixed Logan with a glare. “Why didn’t you take it?”

“It’s a scrimmage!”

“So hit me!”

“I’m not going to hit you!”

Sirius almost had him now. “You’ve hit me before! Split my fucking lip, too!”

“I’m not going to hit you!”

“I can take it, Logan!”

“Well, I’m not willing to fucking risk it!”

They were close enough to each other by then that Sirius watched Logan’s anger dissolve into instant regret in excruciating detail. The rink was dead silent. “That’s what I thought,” he muttered. The rest of them had the nerve to look surprised when he turned. Surprised and ashamed. “Is anyone here a doctor?”

Skates shuffled, tentative and awkward.

“Have any of you seen my medical information over the past month? Any treatment plans? Anything?” They huddled together like a pack of kicked puppies. Sirius took a deep breath. He was their friend, but he was their captain, too. He had their respect. He wasn’t about to lose it over one injury. “I don’t need you to worry about me. I need you to trust me. I know it’s my first practice back, but I know my body. I don’t need special treatment and I don’t want it.”

James raised his head; where shame tinted the faces of their friends, it found no home with him. “We’re worried. That’s it. It’s not worth the risk right now.”

“I don’t—” Sirius cut himself off before he could say something he regretted and pressed a hand over his eyes. Deep breaths. “Jesus, Pots, did you tell them to do this?”

“It was me.” His heart sank as Arthur leaned on the boards, unapologetic. “I told them to be gentle. You’re a great player and a good man, and I’m not going to risk your health in the first few practices.”

Sirius looked at him for a long moment. “It was a concussion. One concussion.”

“A concussion that had you in the hospital for close to a week and needed a month of recovery.” Arthur met his gaze and did not flinch. “You’re the captain of my team. I need you in top form, and I’m willing to make a little extra time to get you there. This team will not succeed if you throw yourself back in and get hurt again right away. Understood?”

His mouthguard squeaked between his teeth. Sirius looked down. “Yes, coach.”

Arthur tapped his clipboard against the boards. “Good. Scrimmage is over, boys. Do some cooldowns and then get stretching. Sirius, come talk to me when you’re done.”

Someone caught his elbow when he went to skate to the bench. “I’m not sorry,” Logan said, his jaw set. “I know you’re pissed, but I’m not sorry.”

Sirius sighed through his nose. “Yeah, I know.”

Back to the beginning, then.

“I know I’m the prettiest person on this team, but don’t look at me. Look at the light.”

Sirius squinted into Layla’s small flashlight; she passed it in front of his eyes a few more times before clicking it off. “All good?”

“Fine and dandy,” she said. “You said your head was hurting?”

“Just with the whistle.”

“Then, yeah, that sounds like normal stuff to me.” She shrugged one shoulder and offered an encouraging smile. “Your concussion is healing really well. Your focus was good, your pupils look normal, and light sensitivity seemed low. The auditory stuff is just taking a little longer to settle. How long until you’re allowed to play again?”

Sirius held down a grimace. “Three to six more weeks.”

“Sounds about right,” Layla said, apparently unbothered. “It’s good to have that much leeway, Cap. The noise sensitivity should wear off in a week or two, which means you’ll have plenty of time to get back on your feet at a hundred percent and play your best. If it doesn’t, come talk to me and we’ll fix it.”

“Yeah.” Paper pilled under his fingers as he picked at it. Six weeks would put them right on the doorstep of the games-that-must-not-be-named; he wasn’t exactly looking forward to being thrown into high-stakes competition right off the bat.

The exam table crinkled when Layla sat next to him. She was quiet for a moment, then patted his knee. “You’ll be okay. This is the kind of thing that shouldn’t bug you once you rest and recover. In a way, it’s better than your ankle.”

Sirius smiled wryly. He liked Layla—she had the same lovable good humor and unrelenting optimism in the face of injury as her predecessor. “I think most things are better than a broken ankle,” he noted.

“True.” She bumped his shoulder. “No more moping, Cap. You’ll be out there in no time.”

“Flashlight to the left. Okay, good. Give me the flat screwdriver.” Something clinked, then clattered, resulting in a satisfied hum. “Black tape. You looked excellent at practice today.”

“Thanks,” Sirius mumbled. He rummaged in the battered canvas bag until something vaguely tape-textured hooked his finger. “Uh, this one is white.”

“The black kind should be in the side pocket next to the box cutter.” Dumo hummed again when he pressed the correct roll into his open palm. “Merci. Your footwork was especially good.”

“My footwork is always good.”

“I know,” he chuckled. Several more bolts (nuts? Sirius still couldn’t remember which were which) fell into the pan by his thigh like silver sprinkles. “Coach seemed impressed.”

Sirius arched a wry brow, even though Dumo couldn’t see him. “Coach was just surprised I didn’t fall on my face.”

“Non, he was very happy to see you—”

“He told everyone to go easy on me.”

“What, like you wouldn’t do the same if it had been Remus? Or Logan? Or me?” Sirius winced at the thought; with a squeak of wheels and a slight groan, Dumo scooted out from under the washing machine and gave him a look. “I know today was frustrating, but you can’t expect us to beat you up this soon.”

“It’s been a month.” He was well-aware of the slight whine in his voice, and judging by Dumo’s amused huff, he wasn’t alone.

“For you, maybe. Felt like years to the rest of us.” The nut-bolt-screws were cold when Sirius rolled them between his fingertips, scowling. Dumo patted his arm with a grease-streaked hand and began sliding back under the machine. “Give it time, mon fils. They just want you back safe and sound.”

“They need me back for the play—”

“Non,” Dumo interrupted.

“They do!”

Dumo muttered something under his breath before looking up at him again. “Sirius. Come on.”

“James said he had a bad time as captain.”

“Oui, because he missed you. He did great. You should be proud of him.” A screwdriver gently poked him on the kneecap. “This is not about hockey. This is about friends.”

Sirius set the pan aside and stretched out on the concrete floor. His legs ached from being crossed for so long. There were cobwebs between the cupboards and the ceiling, even with the cold weather. “It’s hard for me, sometimes.”

Dumo made an understanding noise and turned back to the screws.

“Falling was embarrassing.” It was so much easier to talk about like this. Heather was a godsend, but the words came easier in French and the soft noise of the garage was far more soothing than a blue room with a suede couch. “It’s like—who even does that? I was tired. That’s it. Now everyone is upset.”

“I disagree with the last part, but okay.”

“Remus is upset.”

“Since when do you count Remus with ‘everyone’?”

He saw Dumo grin at the ensuing silence and covered his face with a groan, letting his head fall back on the cold floor. “God, fine, I’m being mean again and nobody is actually mad at me.”

“Atta boy. Hand over the white tape.”

It got better. Sirius got better. He had daily visits with Layla—they both had a laugh about old habits die hard, but still they laughed—and his weekly appointments with Heather had finally begun to veer back to their usual conversations. Aren’t you bored of my shitty childhood by now? Sirius had teased when they made it thirty minutes without discussing his head.

Heather had scoffed at him and whacked him lightly with a pillow. As if I’d be sad to see you this happy. Don’t even think about more head wounds, puck boy. We’re getting to the root of that next.

Slowly, he admitted that he had been sick when it happened. (It seemed Kasey hadn’t spilled his secret, after all). He told her about the chattering teeth and the brain fog that set in that morning; about the fatigue that had piled onto him until he couldn’t even make it through the gate and had to let it win. He told her about the overwhelming feeling that it was all his fault and that everyone would hate him for taking a break.

The world hates me when I’m good and hates me when I’m bad.

They’re wrong for that.

That had made him smile. Heather rarely spoke in absolutes. I know, he answered honestly. She hadn’t pushed him on it, and he liked to think she even believed him.

Remus was laughing again, moonlight in darkness. The good snacks began to disappear from the pantry once more—Sirius couldn’t be mad about it, no matter how often he considered billing Talker for their monthly groceries. Every bag of chips he never got to taste meant Remus would come home and kiss him and ramble about the day like the most adorable runaway train in the world. “I love you, I love you, I love you” smushed into his cheeks, forehead, lips.

His boys carried them to the playoffs with ruthless focus. His pads still fit and the whistle was on his side. And when he was ready, so fucking ready it made his veins hot, Remus pulled him into the break room with a wicked grin that made him thank every cosmic moment that gave him pregame rituals. He would take every bit of luck he could get. The crowd roaring for him deserved it all.

It came in the dusk of the evening, when the blustering winds had calmed and Sirius’ mind felt quiet at last. It was the relief of a wound freshly bandaged—there was no burn of newness, and yet no itch of a scab. It was just a wide, soft couch and a chest rising and falling beneath his hand. Remus kissed his forehead and let it linger like a dream. “Oh, I love you.”

Sirius breathed in, and out. A single spritz of cologne. Lavender shampoo. “You said you couldn’t do this without me,” he said, keeping his voice low. Remus hummed his agreement. He lifted his head slightly, into the gentle pressure of Remus’ hand in his hair. An auburn brow arched in a silent question; he traced the shape of it with his thumb. “You think I can do any of this without you, loup?”

Remus’ mouth curved in a half-smile. “You can do a lot without me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“That’s where we always end up, eh?”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

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