#vaincre
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there's a scene in vaincre by lumosinlove, where these two characters (leo and finn) are talking about relationships they've been in where they've had to hide, and leo says something like "it wasn't his fault, he was just scared. we were all just scared." and finn says "still, there's a way to treat a person"
and this is how i know that i am deeply emotionally repressed.
because no mcd has ever made be sob as much as that line.
it's not even a particularly sad moment in that fic (like it is but it isn't)
but.
there's a way to treat a person.
we were all scared. but you didn't need to cut me open like that. you didn't need to shove me aside. you didn't need to look through me. we were all scared but you still could have been kind. surely. kinder, at least, than the things we were scared of.
there's a way to treat a person.
#idk how that moment can fuck me up as much as it does#but it does#vaincre#lumosinlove#sweater weather lumosinlove#i realize if you do not read sweater weather you will be like “who are finn and leo”#which is sad 4 u
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Can you write another jealous sirius fic? I love your work!🫶🏾
Par for the course, this is less 'jealous' and more 'gently possessive', but yes I absolutely can! Coops credit goes to @lumosinlove, but I once again tale the burden of a shitty OC. Enjoy!
TW alcohol mentions, mild drunkenness
The sway of his hips was something to behold. It was subtle (everything about Remus was subtle, if he could help it), but movement rippled from the strong arc of his shoulders and narrowed the world to a single place of fineness. His shirt was loose and casual; Sirius’ mouth watered at the thought of getting to touch the small of his back. It wouldn’t take more than a slip of his hand.
Remus meandered around the edge of the crowd in a winding path. Sirius hid a smile in the side of his hand. He caught a glimpse of pink cheeks when Remus turned his head at the change in music, lips forming a soft ‘oh’ of excitement—he picked up the pace with only a little wobble and Sirius couldn’t help a snort.
Please, let me—
I got this. Remus’ insistence had been adorable; the press of his entire palm over Sirius’ mouth, even moreso.
You’re drunk, honey.
I’m tipsy. A kiss to his forehead. And I’m fine.
He was fine. Remus didn’t really do ‘not fine’, didn’t like the cotton-mouth feeling the next morning, would probably commit a murder to avoid an unnecessary headache. But at this point in the night, he was certainly tipsy enough that Sirius questioned his ability to not spill water all over them both.
Lily’s hair flashed in a copper fan under the low light when James spun her. Her laughter spiked over the noise of the other dancers, unfiltered by the canopy above the dance floor. He leaned back in his seat with a sigh and followed Remus with his eyes as he bobbed and wove, all kinds of amber honey against his soft blue button-down. It was nothing fancy. They went dancing often now, and grew bored of dressing up.
Sirius thought he looked better than a dozen Stanley Cups.
He narrowed his eyes. It seemed those thoughts did not belong to him alone.
Remus hadn’t noticed yet; that much was clear from the tilt of his smile as he watched James and Lily dance before moving closer to the bar. Sirius suffered to take his eyes off the line of his jaw to fix on the other side of the bartop. The man there was watching Remus with absolutely none of the respect he deserved. That alone made Sirius want to kick his stool out from under him, but then the fucker stood up, and—
Someone’s hand was in his hair.
“Blegh—”
“Excuse me,” James said loudly, cupping Sirius’ face in both hands. “Hello? Captain RBF, you’re off the clock, I need my bestie for the evening.”
“Don’t say bestie.”
Lily’s palm moved down to clasp across his forehead, as if feeling for a fever. “Doctor, he’s dying,” she declared. “I prescribe one song, or two and a half minutes of attempted fun.”
“That might kill him faster,” James said, solemn as the grave.
“I’m having fun!” Sirius protested. “And—move, you’re blocking my view.”
James’ brow furrowed. “Of what? The best view is right in front of you.”
A disgruntled noise found its way out before words could; he batted them away, but they just settled down in the adjacent seats and squished him between their shoulders. He couldn’t find it in himself to be grumpy about it.
“Alright,” Lily sighed. Her nails drummed a gentle chime against her gin and tonic. “What are we grouching about tonight?”
“The—ugh, would you fucking look at that?” The man from the stool had nearly made his way to Remus by now. James and Lily shared a look in the corners of his vision. Sirius groaned and took James by the chin, turning his head toward them. “Look.”
“…I don’t see anything.”
“Are the glasses just for show?”
“Yes.”
“Oh,” Lily said suddenly, only to muffle a giggle behind her hand.
Sirius turned to her in dismay. “Don’t laugh!”
“Is that it?”
“It’s not funny!”
“Honey, you married somebody with a cute face and a rockin’ bod.” Lily reached out to pat the back of his hand. “This is the price you pay.”
James nodded, taking a slow sip of his lemonade. “It’s true. Basic risk-reward, my man.”
Public Shithead Number One sidled up to Remus at the counter. Sirius’ stomach turned. “Can I—”
“Bodily harm is forbidden,” James interrupted.
He chewed the inside of his lip. “…Can I—”
“Probably not.”
“It wasn’t bodily harm.” Mostly.
Lily flicked him on the shoulder. “How about we try putting on a happy face for a double-date and enjoying the show?”
“I’m gonna go get him,” he muttered, setting his napkin aside.
Four hands grabbed him before he could so much as stand. “No,” James and Lily chorused.
“That guy is going to flirt with him!”
“What’s gonna happen?” Lily asked. Her brow arched at a frightening angle. “Hmm? It’s Remus, dummy. He looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass.”
“But he’s kind of drunk,” Sirius protested.
“So he probably won’t even notice any flirting. He’s oblivious enough when he’s sober. If you march over there, he’ll just be upset.”
Upset. God, Sirius hated it when Remus was upset. Any step past mildly vexed was devastating. And when he was otherwise having such a good night, looking so cute and cuddly with his pink cheeks, it was out of the question.
“Fine,” he managed. The table creaked when he rested his elbows on it. “But I’m keeping an eye on the shithead’s hands.”
Lily’s eyes gleamed with amusement as she turned to James. “Can you leash him?”
“Have I ever?”
“He’s making moves.” Sirius bit down on the inside of his cheek to control his scowl. Remus didn’t even like blonds. It was ridiculous for the shithead to even try, with his slacks and overbalanced swagger. The stretch of Remus’ shirt over his upper back while he leaned on the bartop was infinitely nicer to look at.
“Don’t explode, sweetheart.” Lily patted his shoulder, tapping away at her phone. “I don’t want to clean it up.”
“Look at him. He’s like a peacock—oh.”
The tapping paused. “Oh?”
“Remus noticed him.”
“Yeah, the guy’s practically in his lap.”
“No.” A grin budded in Sirius’ chest and bloomed across his face, urged on by horrible, giddy joy. “No, no, he asked Remus a question.”
Next to him, James straightened; the front legs of his chair hit the tile with a soft clunk. “Remus noticed him?”
Remus was fully turned to the side now, hands tight around two water glasses and face lit by more than just Edison bulbs. His profile was sharpened by the pale canvas backdrop as he leaned in slightly, flushed with excitement. The shithead looked thrilled.
Remus took a deep breath, and opened his mouth.
“I love that little nerd,” Lily murmured, leaning into Sirius’ side with a hand to her mouth. “He’s so weird. What do you think set him off?”
“I have no idea,” James said through a laugh. “But I’ll pray for that poor soul.”
“I won’t.” Sirius squinted for a better view. The shithead’s smile was long gone. Before his eyes, the hand that had been itching to wander was shoved solidly into the pocket of charcoal slacks.
Remus Lupin was the greatest part of his life, the moon to his stars, the wing to his center, his favorite non-James individual. He was intelligent, hardworking, and handsome to a fault. Sirius constantly marveled at his kind heart.
When Remus had a touch more alcohol than usual, his helpful nature and brilliant mind tended to entangle the closest victim if they asked the right question, Cthulu-style. He’d spill anything: hockey strategy, random knowledge, government secrets.
By the looks of it, the shithead had asked a very interesting question, indeed.
He attempted an escape, but Remus touched him gently on the shoulder and snagged his attention right back. “It’s an art,” Sirius muttered.
James sighed. “I should save him.”
“No, no.” Sirius reached back blindly to pat his arm. “Leave it. For me.”
“You wanted that guy flayed on your doorstep five minutes ago.”
“This is so much better. I’ll get him in a minute.” Or three.
The song changed and Lily let out a soft gasp. “No, go get him, I want to dance.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, but stood and brushed his hands off on his pants. “You hate it when I have fun,” he called.
“Sure do!” Lily chirped, raising her glass.
The crowd parted for him like warm butter. The wind was picking up, cool on his skin and ruffling the back of Remus’ hair where it was just starting to curl. He supposed that was the benefit of finding an outdoor space; no sweaty, crushing darkness to get stuck in as the night went on.
“—which is where I met Moody,” Remus was saying as he drew closer. His forehead creased. “Have I mentioned Moody?”
The other man looked vaguely terrified. “I…don’t know.”
Remus waved a hand. “It’s fine. He was my mentor out of college. Cranky bastard, fake leg, heart of gold. Anyway, I worked with him for a couple years, mostly on broken bones, but some tendon stuff. I told you about those, remember?”
The man’s throat bobbed. “Yes. Look, I was going to ask—”
“Oh, I can answer any of your questions,” Remus said earnestly. Sirius’ heart skipped a beat at the genuine hope in his voice. Fucking sweetheart. “Seriously, I—oh, hey!”
“Hi.” The small of his back was just as soft as Sirius knew it would be. His temple was a little warmer than normal when he brushed a kiss over it, but Remus pushed into it with a quiet hum, and that banished all worry from his mind in one blow. “Having fun?”
“Yeah, I made a friend. This is Derek, he’s so nice.” His blinks were slow, and he took a moment to focus when he looked up. A crooked smile followed on its heels. “Missed you. Got your water.”
“Thanks, loup.”
A faint cough caught their attention. Sirius twitched a brow; ‘Derek’ shuffled in place for a few seconds. “Is he, uh, yours?”
“My what?” It was best to keep it blunt in situations like this. Sirius felt for the man’s general confusion, but it wasn’t like he had missed Remus’ wedding ring.
“Husband,” Remus answered for him with a nudge to Sirius’ waist. “Duh.”
“I was asking your friend,” Sirius laughed, taking one of the glasses from Remus. Derek’s gaze flickered over them. He watched his eyes bulge when they landed on Remus’ left hand.
Huh. Perhaps he had missed the ring, after all.
“Yeah, I’m—” Derek patted his pockets as redness crept up his neck. “I’m just—I’m going to—sorry about that, excuse me.”
Sirius watched until his glossy hair was out of sight. Then, and only then, did he look back down at Remus. “You’re a terror.”
“Hmm.” Fingertips trailed over his belt; Remus nestled his cheek in the bend of Sirius’ neck. “I like these jeans.”
“I know.”
“I like this song.”
“Lily’s already dancing. Asked me to come find you.”
Remus smiled, and planted a sloppy kiss to the side of his neck before tangling their fingers. A long exhale warmed his skin. “You’re gonna love me forever, right?”
Sirius buried his nose in the top of his head and took a deep breath. He let his other hand settle at the back of Remus’ neck, drawing a happy noise from him. “I’m going to love you forever.”
“That’s good.”
“You’re not going to say it back?” Sirius teased.
Remus pulled his face free long enough to narrow his eyes. It did nothing to quell his grin. “Come dance with me, then we’ll see.”
A soft ‘I love you’ found them far before the end of the song did. Sirius closed his eyes and savored the shape of it, pressed against his lips like a prayer and a promise.
#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#lily potter#coops#jily#sweater weather#vaincre#lumosinlove#my fic#fanfic#fluff#drunkenness#alcohol#dancing
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SEE THIS IS WHY I DONT SAY ANYTHING
#marauders#harry potter#coops#lumosinlove#vaincre#sweater weather#remus lupin#siriusxremus#sirius black#james potter#regulus black#lily potter#draco malfoy#fanfic#harry potter fanfiction#jegulus#wolfstar#drarry
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O’Knutzy Week Day Three!!
Camping Cubs ⛺️ This one was so fun to make! I hope y’all like it as much as I did!
Character credit goes to @lumosinlove and as always thanks to @oknutzyweek2023 for organizing.
#lumosinlove#sweater weather#coast to coast#logan tremblay#finn o'hara#leo knut#oknutzy week 2023#o’knutzy#vaincre
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O’Knutzy Week Day 1!!!!!
I’m not late because I said so also time is a concept. A huge thank you to @oknutzyweek2023 for organizing this fest and to the lovely @lumosinlove for the creation of these characters!!!
Day 1 Prompt: Smile
CW for mentions of food/drink and depictions of internalized homophobia/negative self talk
When Logan was four years old smiles were as simple as breathing. He was all scraped knees and grubby fingers, trailing behind his three (which comes after two and before five…he thinks) older sisters. All he knew was dress up and pirates and that was enough for him.
He had lost his first tooth last Tuesday, La Petite Souris had reimbursed him kindly with several shiny new coins. He had run down the stairs with them clasped in his hand and shouted “Look!” at his maman. His cheeks were round and rosy, indents from the pillowcase still stretching across them, and smiling so hard it almost hurt. There was still blue on his lips from where he had accidentally drawn on his mouth with a marker while rubbing his eye and his mouth made a faint whistling sound when he exhaled through his teeth. His maman smiled back. And that was how life worked at four.
Smiling was a language like French or English. On humid summer days in France, he and his sisters would sit on sticky hardwood floors and sound out vowels through box fans. The giggles and smiles were I love yous, just with fewer syllables. His sisters forced him into dresses and called him gross, but it was okay. They smiled at him like he was theirs forever and he trusted them enough to know it was true.
Smiles were opening presents on Christmas and jumping through the sprinkler outside. They were storytime and birthday cakes and good night kisses. They were stitched onto his favorite stuffed animals and frozen in time in pictures covering the wall on their stairway.
One time he snuck out of bed to sit on the stairs and watch TV through the railing over the backs of his parents’ heads. The man on the TV looked sad and said a lot of big words. He didn’t smile much, he said something about life not making sense. Logan didn’t understand that. Living was about love and love was where home was and home was where he smiled most.
There was a creak from behind him and when he turned around he saw Noelle smiling while holding her finger up to her mouth with a silent shh. Logan smiled back when she sat down next to him. Yeah, it all seemed pretty simple to him.
___
At thirteen years old the world was not simple. It was messy and confusing, it was like someone had paint splattered across walls and asked him what the shapes spelled out. Logan didn't know, and they would smile. But not the smiles that he was used to, no, smiles were different now.
Smiles could be sharp, pointed weapons. Looks shared between boys with letterman jackets across the halls, the ringing laughter after a slam against lockers. Dirty jokes, ego, us vs. them politics, mental gymnastics, I know you are but what am I?, thinly veiled insults, banter, and “locker room talk.”
There was a sense of panic building up inside Logan that he couldn’t pinpoint. He smiled along, though he could feel it not reaching his eyes. Did they see it not reaching his eyes? Is his hair weird? His shirt feels too small, why’d he wear this today? Purple is a stupid color. Stupid. This is stupid. He’s stupid.
He walked into his algebra class and sat down next to some boy he didn't recognize with a huff.
“Bad day?”
Logan’s head snapped to look at him. “Huh?”
“I was just wondering if you were okay. You seem…grumpy.”
And then the boy smiled at him. He smiled.
His eyes crinkled up at the corners and the freckles on his cheeks stretched out. There was a light that seemed to shine outwards from his irises, his hair looked soft and his jaw was somewhere between round and angular. Logan wanted to reach out and touch, and why did his stomach feel like-?
Oh.
Oh no.
Smiles always had teeth, but they had never bitten until then. Logan didn't smile back, he clenched the feeling between his fists and made it as small as it could be.
___
Finn was something impossible. He was a broken clock right three times a day, a city with no people, lightning in a bottle, a tsunami with no casualties, dressed in socks with Adidas slides and brown eyes that felt like a sacrament.
He gave smiles away like old furniture. Here, you’ll get more use out of this than I will. He was unguarded and open and free and if Logan was honest Finn terrified him. Finn was the sun. Logan could already feel his eyes burning, he really should look away, but oh, didn’t it feel so good to be warm?
Logan was cool green stares with walls miles high surrounding them. But, Finn was well equipped with inside jokes, memorized coffee orders, delirious late nights, no-look passes, adrenaline highs, and shared greasy breakfasts. Finn poked and prodded at the hard shell Logan had so carefully put together over four years. Slowly, piece by piece it wore down, floating like wilted flower petals to the floor. Logan could feel himself loosen, feel the tense muscles relax, his fists unclench.
At seventeen, inside a rundown frat house, in their messy, poorly decorated room, Logan couldn't help himself. He smiled, but he swore it didn't mean I love you. It didn’t.
___
Leo was simple. He was like thunder after lightning and the rainbow after a storm. He made sense, slotted into place like he always belonged. He was loud sort of quiet, he had a presence about him that you didn't realize how much room it encompassed until it wasn’t there.
Leo let Logan talk. Just talk. And the best part is he would listen. Logan felt heard when Leo was around, Finn listened too but sometimes he didn’t understand. Maybe it was because, for Logan, English never seemed to be a good medium for explanation, it always seemed one size too small. Leo understood, though, both in English and French. Leo could read between the lines, sometimes Logan didn't have to say anything at all. And that, that was ecstasy in itself. Logan could get so tired of explaining, sometimes he just wanted to be.
If Finn was the sun and Logan was the moon, then Leo was the night sky. Vast and all-consuming in a quiet sort of way, comforting like a blanket, pretty to look at. God, was he pretty to look at.
In a hotel room in a city that Logan had visited several times but never got to know, Leo answered a knock on the door and brought in a tray. He picked a mug up off of it and handed it to Logan.
“Here, I got you some mint tea.”
Logan smiled. He couldn’t lie to himself this time, he knew it meant I love you. And didn’t that just make it all the more tragic?
___
Smiles weren’t as simple as breathing, they were as simple as atoms. They made up everything around Logan and were everywhere. Logan would wake up and smile, eat breakfast and smile, pay taxes and smile. He would stay up late in the night with Leo, fighting with insomnia together and he would wake up sleep deprived and the happiest he's ever been. Finn would come home from a run sweaty and hug him and it would be gross, and disgusting, and really, Logan should be screaming in terror but, against all odds there he was smiling.
It was convoluted, but then again, it was the most understandable thing to ever happen. He was right when he was four, smiles meant I love you and there was so much love to give. In the dead of night, in the blazing afternoon, love was exchanged like playground, pinky-swear promises. Logan would keep every one.
He had been planning it for months, he nearly wore a hole in the rug from the pacing back and forth. He sat in front of them on a blanket in the middle of a field and pushed two small velvet boxes toward each of them, along with letters that bared his soul. He had opted for letters instead of some big speech, he was terrified of not getting the words out right and of switching to French halfway through. Words had always been Finn’s department anyway.
They both looked back up at him with tears in their eyes.
Logan smiled and said, “I love you.”
They knew, of course they knew. Logan said it out loud anyway.
___
The wedding was a summer affair, chairs were set outside by a big tree. Finn had put on sunscreen in preparation.
“This is a setup” he had said. Logan and Leo had laughed so hard that they almost fell off the bed.
“I don’t see what’s so funny about it.” It would have sounded serious if Finn wasn’t smiling, and he was smiling.
After a coughing fit Leo gathered himself enough to say, “You don’t want to marry us outside, Finn?”
Finn paused at that. He was still smiling but it changed into something soft yet sure, like faith.
“I’d marry you anywhere and nowhere at all.”
So it was settled. The wedding would be outside, and if Finn had more freckles on his nose during their honeymoon, it would be a burden Logan and Leo would gladly carry. However, the sunscreen turned out to be unnecessary. Dark clouds had rolled in and rain trickled down around them.
It was perfect, unexpected, but perfect. Like a child, they loved the moment anyway. There was no world where it could be bad, because it was theirs, and it was them, and they were together, and wouldn’t that always be beautiful?
They got married in the rain with wet hair in front of all of their friends and family. Their smiles said I do well before their mouths did, and though Leo and Logan would miss Finn’s extra freckles, it was a small sacrifice.
___
The hospital room was white and smelled sterile. It was much different from the shade of pink that the guest bedroom in their house had been painted.
Daughter.
You’re having a daughter.
Logan had been drowning in shades of pink for four months and he never wanted it to stop. He wanted tea parties, and race cars, and doll houses, and dress up, and pirates, and math homework, and sleepless nights, and play pretend. He wanted it all. He put all of his excited energy into planning the nursery and buying toys. Now, sitting between Finn and Leo in hospital room chairs, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He bounced his leg up and down and tapped his fingers on the armrest, Finn and Leo had grabbed his hands several times to get him to stop.
Time seemed to stop when the door opened. A nurse walked in holding a bundle of blankets.
“You ready to hold your baby girl?”
Before Logan could process, the baby was placed into his arms. She was the tiniest thing he’d ever seen, with a button nose and round cheeks. She fussed a bit, her arms wiggling and feet kicking, and for a moment her eyes opened the smallest amount.
Two pairs of green eyes met.
And Logan cried.
But mostly he just smiled.
#Leo knut#finn o'hara#logan tremblay#cubs#oknutzy#o'knutzy#lumosinlove#Coast To Coast#coast to coast fanfic#vaincre#vaincre fanfic#my fic#fanfic#oknutzy week 2023#o'knutzy week 2023#fluff#marriage proposal#marriage
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Hello folks! It looks like I will be hosting O'Knutzy week 2023!
We love all forms of fan art over here so anything would be welcome - fics, headcanons, drawings, poetry etc...
I do need some help though with prompts (although can always use a generator if needed!). If you have any ideas send me a message by Sunday (preferably by like midday BST). I know it's soon, but I'd like to give everybody as much time as possible to create.
TLDR; message me with ideas for o'knutzy week prompts please. Deadline: Sunday 2nd July, 12 noon BST.
#sweater weather#lumosinlove#oknutzy#o'knutzy#finn o'hara#logan tremblay#leo knut#vaincre#coast to coast
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reread sweater weather and started vaincre, so my brain is overflowing with hockey and french canadians again and i love it!! so ofc i had to draw cap and loops <3
both stories are on ao3 by the wonderful @lumosinlove, drawings by me
#your honor they play hockey#sweather weather#vaincre#lumosinlove#remus lupin#mon loup#sirius black#baby#wolfstar#fanart#ao3#ik their size difference is off#lets pretend remus is on his skates
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We get to be worrywarts
Kasey only trusts Remus when it comes to injuries. Even if it’s the opponent’s injury and it’s two a.m.
CW: minor injury
All characters belong to @lumosinlove. Huge thank you to @fruitcoops for betaing this! read it on ao3 here.
Kasey and Alex were in the bedroom, getting ready for bed after a long, heated game. It was late, two in the morning, and they’d gotten home from the victory party at Dumo’s house about twenty minutes ago. It was Rangers versus Lions and, aside from the competition, it meant that both men had been looking forward to sleeping in the same bed again for weeks, even if it would only last a couple of days.
The Rangers had been fiery, but the Lions had the advantage of playing home. That, together with a hat trick from Sirius and another two points by Finn and Jackson, had determined the victory of the golden-red jerseys.
Nevertheless, Alex had enjoyed both the match and the party. It had been a good game, and they weren’t that deep into the season for it to be a grave loss. It was a pity that Natalie was out of town for a concert, but he’d enjoy the short break he had with Kasey as much as possible. It hadn’t been long since the long summer together at the O’Hara’s Hamptons house, but distance was distance. It felt good to be back in the same room, the domesticity of getting ready for bed together drawing involuntary smiles from both men.
A small hiss escaped Alex’s mouth as he moved his arm to get rid of the hoodie he’d been wearing.
His wrist had been hurting since the match, and he hadn’t given it much thought. But hours had passed, and every time he moved it, a small wave of pain traveled all the way to his elbow. He’d ignored the pointed stares from Kasey during the party -God knew Kasey could turn into a worrywart sometimes. Barely acknowledging his own pain but always noticing the smallest change in people close to him.
But the wrist pain, not strong enough to be unbearable and yet still annoying, was still there.
Kasey turned to look at him from the other side of the bed, where he’d been putting on his pajama pants. His brows immediately furrowed in open concern. “Is it still bothering you?”
Alex shrugged, not wanting to worry him. “Kinda, yeah. But it’s nothing, tomorrow it’ll be good as new.”
Kasey studied him one moment before nodding as he reached his phone on the nightstand. “Alright, I’m calling Loops.”
Alex’s eyes widened as he stood on the bed with his knees. “Kasey-what, Loops? Why? No, come on. What do you expect him to do?”
Kasey didn’t lose a beat. “He always knows what to do. He can help.”
“He’s not my PT- he’s not even yours, in fact.”
“Tomato, tomato, he still has a med degree.”
“Please, I went through worse, and you know it. Our job is to get slammed across the ice every day, in case you forgot-”
“My point exactly.” Kasey didn’t even look up from where he was scrolling down his contacts.
Alex groaned, “Kasey, don’t. There’s no need. It’s late, he’s probably sleeping, let the poor man rest-”
Kasey held up one finger as he placed his phone between his cheek and shoulder, call already sent. Alex threw him a pleading look, because there was absolutely no need to call his teammate, not even PT anymore, at an ungodly hour, for an annoying wrist. But Kasey stared back, an unimpressed gaze that left room for no argument. A few beats of silence passed, then Remus’ confused voice joined them.
“Er. Hello?”
“Loops” Kasey greeted, “Am I bothering you?”
“Uh…I don’t think so? I wasn’t sleeping?”
“Good. Alex’s wrist is hurting”, Kasey said matter-of-factly.
A few beats of silence passed. “Kasey, it’s two in the morning”, Remus said.
“Yep.”
“I’m not his PT- I’m not even yours.”
“He mentioned.”
Another few seconds of silence passed before a small sigh came from the other line. “Fine. Put me on speaker.” Kasey grinned and proceeded. “Hey, Alex.” Remus didn’t sound annoyed, just a bit exasperated.
“Hey, Loops. Sorry about him.”
“No biggie. So, what seems to be the problem?”
“Er, it’s not a big deal, really,” Alex said, but Kasey raised an eyebrow at him in a go on manner. “My wrist just hurts a bit when I move it.”
“Okay. Did you take a bad hit during the game?”
“Huh, guess so? Nothing memorable.”
“Is the wrist swollen or purple?”
Kasey sat in front of Alex with a small bounce and inspected said wrist close to the other one, taking both gently in his hands. “Hmm. Looks a bit swollen to me.”
“Okay. Alex, try to make a slow, full rotation in both ways and stop when it bothers you.”
Alex only completed half a turn before a small hiss escaped his mouth.
“Alright. Now back and forth.”
Alex could feel Kasey’s attentive gaze on him as he tried to move his wrist. He did his best not to let another sound out, but at the smallest movement his brows furrowed. And Kasey’s with his.
“It’s bothering him, Loops,” the goalie immediately said. Alex glared at him, mouthing Dude. But Kasey shrugged, a determined and not sorry at all expression on his face.
“Alright,” Remus said, “Doesn’t sound like anything serious, you probably placed it badly during a hit. No ice or meds necessary. Do you have bandages at home?”
Kasey snorted. “Do we.”
“Great. Grab those and some tape. We just need to stabilize the wrist, so it won’t move too much overnight.”
Kasey jumped off the bed and made a quick jog to the bathroom. An awkward silence fell. Alex cleared his throat.
“Er, Remus, sorry for the call. I know it’s nothing, but Kasey wouldn’t hear it.”
The small laugh made him feel better. “Hey, don’t mention it. I’m glad Bliz trusts me. And it happens more often than you think, with the whole team. So really, don’t worry.”
“Thanks.”
Kasey returned with bandages, tape and scissors a moment later. “Got everything”, he said, placing everything on the bed.
“Good. Now make a few turns of bandages around the wrist. It must be firm but not too tight. It won’t heal faster if you wrap it tighter.” Kasey gently took his hand between his and began circling the wrist with white bandages. He looked at Alex, and then at the phone, waiting for instructions or feedback. Remus must have deduced so, because he added “Alex, if the tips of your fingers feel cold, it’s too tight.”
“Yeah, kinda.”
Kasey nodded and undid the bandages, wrapping them again with careful eyes and delicate hands, patiently. By the concentration of his expression, he could have been a surgeon in front of an operation table. “Done.”
“Alex, feels alright?”
“Yep.”
“Good. Now secure it with some tape and keep it overnight. Tomorrow it should be better.” After a moment of hesitation, Remus added “But, Alex, if tomorrow the pain is still there, you call your PT.”
Kasey nodded. “Great. Thanks Loops. I owe you.”
They heard an amused huff. “Go to sleep, Romeo. Bye, Alex.”
“See you, Loops. Goodnight, and good game again.”
Remus smiled to himself as he placed the phone back on the nightstand. Even two years into his on-ice career, the team would always seek his help for small injuries on and off the ice. They trusted Layla and Lars, of course, but years of confidentiality and support couldn’t just vanish in the air like that. He’d shared tears and laughs with the team before he even put on a pair of skates again. So, from time to time, he got some calls that started with Loops, please help? Thomas with a cold, Chris for his daughter Aveline’s ouchie at the park, or the Cubs when Leo got a deep cut while cooking. And now Kasey. For how stoic he might appear, Remus knew he had a soft spot for his two.
A mass of blankets moved at his side, and a strong arm appeared to circle his waist. “Loup, c’est quoi?”, Sirius mumbled, crackling one eye open.
Remus smiled, passing his fingers through dark curls. “Nothing, baby. Go back to sleep.”
On the other side of the city, Kasey turned the light off after two last kisses on Alex’s check and lips. They’d sent a goodnight text to Natalie, who had immediately replied with a LOADS of goodnight kisses for my boys xx and two hearts.
They shuffled under the blankets, Alex spooning Kasey because winners get to be the little spoon, O’Hara. But Alex didn’t mind it one bit. He brought his arm around Kasey’s waist, and the blonde’s hand found his half-banded one, intertwining their fingers gently and letting a content sigh out.
A few moments of silence passed before Alex snuggled closer. “You worry too much”, he murmured softly.
Kasey lifted a shoulder, not particularly concerned with the accusation. “Well. I get to worry about you. I’m your boyfriend.”
In its simplicity, the words made Alex’s heart swell up. He thought back at how many times had they had to suppress the worry because it would have looked suspicious. Before as teammates, then on different teams. And even now, they rarely got to be there for each other after a game, to massage sore muscles and kiss aching spots better. But that night, in their bed, it was just them. No teams, no game. Two boys in love who got to be close and worry about each other.
Alex grinned against Kasey’s shoulder, hugging him tighter. “Yeah, you are. Love you.”
In the darkness of the bedroom, he could feel Kasey’s smile. The goalie brought Alex’s hand up for a quick kiss, before placing it on his abdomen again.
They could worry, and they could heal. Together.
#lumosinlove#sweather weather#vaincre#sweater weather lumosinlove#vaincre lumosinlove#kasey winter#alex o'hara#kasey winter/alex o'hara#o'darwin#fluff#lou's writing
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The refs calling Mama O’Hara when Finn and Alex play because they won’t stop fighting and the refs don’t know what penalty to give for tickling your brothers neck
@lumosinlove
#lumosinlove#sweater weather lumosinlove#sweater weather#oknutzy#sweaterweatherlumosinlove#vaincre lumosinlove#vaincre#alexohara#finn o'hara
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Vaincre
February (part two)
Sirius took Remus’ hand across the center console, and let out a breath when Remus squeezed it.
“Maybe…” Remus began. “Maybe I should take it off?” He looked down at the ring, the diamond catching the sunlight. “God, I don’t want to, but maybe just for today.”
“Non, non,” Sirius shook his head, eyes on the road. “I don’t think anyone would want you to feel like that.” Sirius, eyes still sad, sent a smile Remus’ way. “I also don’t want you to take it off.”
“I know, but, maybe…” Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes. “God, I have fucking, like…emotional whiplash or something.”
“Tell me about it,” Sirius mumbled and threw his blinker on. He looked tired. They’d stayed up late, very happily, and then even later still once Remus had made the mistake of checking his phone before bed. “Merde, I…I really didn’t think…”
“I mean, maybe it’s one of those loan trades, you know?” Remus said. “That makes the most sense to me, Tremz’s contract had, what, one more season on it? He was about to be a free agent, the Rangers were looking for a solid winger for their top line and we’re slumping hard.”
“Loan doesn’t always mean we get him back, though,” Sirius said. “And I want him back.”
“No, but it means new blood, a mix-up. We’ve seen teams coming right off of a Cup do this before. I wouldn’t be surprised if management thinks we needed a kick in the ass.”
“This isn’t a kick in the ass,” Sirius sighed as the arena came into view. “This is a kick in the teeth.”
Remus brought Sirius’ knuckles up to his lips and kissed them. “I know. I know it is. I’m not trying to reason it out, I just…”
“At least one of us can see reason in it,” Sirius raised a few fingers off of the steering wheel at Ned, who manned the parking lot booth. There were fans at the gate, as always, but Sirius gave them a shaky smile only. Remus saw a few holding up Tremblay jerseys and looked away.
“Do you think Finn and Leo are in?” Remus asked as the jerseys disappeared from his rear view mirror.
“I don’t know…I don’t even want to think about them. What—what do we even say to them?” Remus watched the way Sirius’ hands flexed on the steering wheel, watched his chest rise and fall tightly. “And Dumo. And…practice is just going to be horrible—who thought this would help us?”
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Remus said softly. Remus knew he was part of that us, but this was still Sirius’ team. Sirius shouldered more weight than he did, and always would when it came to the team’s wellbeing. And he had a point. The Lions, anyone had to admit, had been more or less unchanged for much longer than any other team in the League. It was unheard of, boarder-line strange, how little trading had been done in the past five years. Kasey had been acquired of course, but Cole and Leo were products of the draft—no switch-arounds necessary. And then there was himself, an entirely different and even stranger case.
Remus had always admired it as a PT, how tightly-knit a group the Lions were, but it had always scared him a little, too—especially when he’d really started to get to know Sirius. Bonds like that didn’t break easy, and they would never break in the way hockey expected them to. No one on this Lions roster would ever have an easy go of friends-one-day-old-teammates-the-next. Logan wasn’t a Ranger now. He was a Lion in the wrong sweater. Remus was worried because he wasn’t sure Logan, especially Logan, was going to be able to stop feeling that way like the League expected him to.
“This isn’t happening,” Sirius breathed as they pulled into their spot near the elevators. He all but yanked the car into park. “I’m talking to Coach.”
Sirius, without a proper family, had woven one around him through what seemed like sheer willpower and skill. He was good enough to make those around him even better. It was why the lines worked and stayed the same. Remus wondered just how much pull Sirius might actually have. He also worried about what Sirius would put himself through if he couldn’t turn this around.
Remus sighed and then slipped off his ring and put it into his pocket. For now, it was for the best. He pushed out of the car after Sirius.
“And say what?” Remus said, jogging a few steps to where Sirius was waiting for him, palm up. Remus laced their fingers together. Sirius frowned at his fingers.
“Just for now, sweetheart.”
“I don’t know,” Sirius sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, said something low and frustrated in French that Remus didn’t catch.
“Sirius,” Remus tugged him to a stop in front of the elevator. Sirius glanced down at Remus’ look of warning, but his jaw remained tight and defiant. "Don’t put this on yourself.”
“It’s not on me,” Sirius said. He jammed the elevator button and looked down at Remus. “It’s on them. And I’m going to make them see that.”
When they reached their floor, even the hallway was quiet, not to mention the eerily still locker room. Remus pushed the locker room door open first, and some of the boys looked up and straight at Sirius. Remus felt the way Sirius’ posture changed, shifting into his role, but his hand tightened around Remus’. He was scared. He wasn’t sure how to lead them, or where. Logan’s absence was in the air like mist. Leo and Finn were in their stalls, Logan’s empty one, a blaring light beside Finn. Leo was studying Sirius carefully, whereas Finn didn’t look up at all, just focused on the roll of tape he was wrapping a stick with as it went round and round. With a jolt, Remus realized he was wearing Logan’s necklace. He kept glancing at his phone, face-up in his stall beside him. Remus caught Leo’s eye, finally, but when he took one step forward, Leo shook his head minutely, sent him a shaky smile, and dropped his gaze, shadowed by the brim of his hat. He didn’t want to talk. Remus didn’t blame him.
“I already can’t take this. I’ll be right back.” Sirius didn’t exactly whisper and earned himself more than a few curious looks as gave Remus’ hand a squeeze before letting it go and banging back out into the hallway again, where the coaches offices were.
“Sirius,” Remus couldn’t help but hiss out, but he was already gone. Remus closed his eyes briefly. He turned back to the room and cast a quick glance around. Leo, Finn, looking like wrecks. Sullen faces. Pascal, tired eyes and watching Remus carefully.
“Hey, Loo.”
Remus looked and found, with relief, that Thomas was standing by the coffee cart. He tried not to walk over too quickly. Thomas looked sad, too, but really his face shared Remus’ worry more than anything else.
“I love our boy,” Thomas said, nodding into the direction Sirius had just left in. “But what the hell was that?”
“He thinks he can talk sense into…well.” Remus wasn’t even sure he should say it. “He thinks he can get Logan back.”
“Can he?”
They both turned to look at Finn, who was standing now, brown eyes alert, almost a little wild. Remus couldn’t stop glancing at Logan’s necklace around his neck.
“Can Sirius do something? Because if he can—”
“Finn,” Leo said quietly from behind him. He reached out for Finn’s sleeve but Finn pulled away.
“If he can, he should. If he has any pull, he’s gotta use it.” Finn’s voice was firm, fiery. “Logan belongs here—”
He was cut off this time, not by Leo, but by the door opening. Kota Takahashi walked through.
If the locker room had been quiet before, it was soundless now. Kota had an expression on his face like he regretted walking in, his footsteps slowing to a stop just inside the door. He looked at Finn, and Finn looked back, brown eyes hard. Remus was struck by how much he didn’t look like himself. He’d never seen Finn be anything but kind except on the ice, which was different. Now, Finn turned on his heel sharply, swiping his phone up out of his stall before brushing out of the room without a word.
Kota adjusted his bag over his shoulder uncomfortably. “Uh. Hey, guys.” His eyes found Kasey. “Winter.”
Kasey stood, a little awkward with one goal pad already strapped onto his leg, and reached out a hand. “How’ve you been, Kota?”
Their voices seemed loud in the room and Remus’ brain raced for something, anything to say. The two must have been on the Rangers together, and Remus opened his mouth to ask about it, when he remembered. The Rangers probably weren’t the best topic right now. God, it felt like they were all at open sea.
“Been all right,” Kota said. His eyes darted after Finn. “You know. Short flight, all that.”
“Right,” Kasey smiled, but it was shaky. “Well, welcome to Gryffindor. We should grab a drink tonight.” He looked at Remus. “Loops? T?”
“Hell yeah,” Thomas said and strode forward. His smile lit up the room, as usual. Remus all but felt some of the misty dimness subside. Thank God for Thomas Walker. “What’s up, man, welcome to the team. We’ll show you all the best spots. You like pool?”
Kota seemed to feel the tension ease, too, just a tad. “Absolutely, if you like losing.”
“Oh-ho,” Thomas laughed. “Well, if it’s me you’re challenging, that might be a good bet.” He jerked a thumb back at Remus. “But don’t go making words at this guy, he’ll flatten you with that table.”
Remus couldn’t help but smile at that. “Come on, T, he might be a secret champion, we don’t know. Hey, Kota, nice to meet you.”
Remus watched Kota look him over. He didn’t take it personally. He’d felt the same stares from across the ice. Guys were curious about him, and he knew that the rumors of favoritism or worse flew around the League. But Kota shook his hand and smiled easily.
“Nice to me you, Lupin. Where’s your other half?”
Remus narrowed his eyes a little, saw Thomas do the same. He thought it was kind of sloppy form when people they didn’t know in hockey referred to Sirius and his relationship rather than their professional roles. But he decided that Kota might mean nothing by it, might just be nervous.
“The Captain’s talking to Coach,” Remus replied.
Kota raised an eyebrow. “You always call him that?”
Remus crossed his arms. Two strikes. “When I’m in this room, that’s what he is.”
“You should probably call him that, too,” Thomas said, a little more friendly, tag-teaming with Remus’ cooler look. It worked, the read each other just like on the ice. Remus felt a flood of warmth because of it.
Kota, to his credit, looked taken aback. “I—oh, no, yeah, I…of course. I didn’t mean…” he looked at Remus, then at Thomas, then away and to his stall. “Um.”
Leo was sitting stiffly in his locker, staring at the place Finn had just been. Remus watched him blink once, twice, shoulders rising and falling in a sharp breath, before he stood and threw on a shaky smile.
“Hey, Kota, I’m Leo. Welcome to Gryffindor.” His accent seemed stronger from lack of sleep, Remus thought, the way Sirius’ got, too. His words drawled sweetly but Remus could see the effort it took. Leo wasn’t that much younger than him, but Remus suddenly felt a familiar swell of pride, the same he got for Julian sometimes. That smile of Leo’s must have been killing him.
“Hey, Knut, right?” Kota smiled. “Looks like we’re seat mates.”
“Looks like,” Leo nodded.
“Uh,” Kota glanced at Finn’s empty space. “Guess you guys’ll be missing Tremblay around here, huh?”
Leo went a little pale.
“Most,” Evgeni’s deep voice came, and he gave Kota’s shoulder a hard pat as he passed, headed for the ice. “We drink tonight. You impress.”
“That was an invitation, not a threat,” Jackson smiled appeasingly and shook Kota’s hand as he followed Evgeni. “Even though they always sound a little similar coming from him. See you out there.”
Kota sat down heavily in Logan’s seat, looking a little dazed.
“We miss him, yeah,” Leo said quietly from beside him. “But we’re real glad to have you.”
Finally, Remus thought when the locker room doors opened again. Some of the team had already made it out onto the ice as Sirius followed Coach back through the doors. Remus widened his eyes at Sirius a little, hoping where the hell have you been? came across clearly. Sirius looked back, eyes stormy. Obviously, he hadn’t been as successful as he had hoped.
Kota was on his feet again in a second, looking at Sirius the way they all did. Almost hungry, awe-filled and excited. I’m going to play with Sirius Black, he’d probably said to someone. His partner, maybe, or his parents. Sirius fucking Black.
“Takahashi,” Coach said. “How you doin’? These guys giving you trouble?” He looked back at Sirius when he said trouble and Sirius stuck his hands in his pockets.
“Uh,” Kota said, then laughed a little. “No?”
Coach arched a brow, smiling. “Yeah. You sound real sure about that.”
“C’mon, we’re all making plans!” Kasey said. “That’s all, Coach, that’s all.”
“Yeah? Well, why don’t you all plan to get your butts out on the ice in twenty, okay?”
“Yes, Coach,” Remus chorused with the rest of them, then gave Sirius an elbow to the ribs.
“Kota,” Sirius said, stepping forward. “How was your flight over?”
“Short,” Kota said again, a little breathlessly. “Hi. Captain.”
Sirius blinked, then began to smile. “Oh, uh, you can just call me Si—”
Thomas clapped loudly. “We gotta get to that ice, boys. Let’s go, Captain!”
Kota all but jumped back to his stall to get changed, and Remus tapped Sirius lightly on his back to get him to follow him away.
“Really?” Remus said when they were alone. “What the hell was that, walking away—”
“It’s one year,” Sirius said in a low voice to Remus. “It’s a one year contract, and it’s meant to get the Rangers into the playoffs this year. If the Rangers make the playoffs, we get two of their first round picks.”
“Well…” Remus sighed. “Okay. Now you know. But you’ve got a new player in there who, thanks to Finn, really already knows just how welcomed he is here and—”
“Well, management should know how important Logan is here,” Sirius cut him off. “Regarde—Look at the fans, even, it’s all over fucking Twitter, no one is happy. C’est—It’s a bullshit move.”
“All right, I know, I know,” Remus said, and stroked a hand up and down Sirius’ arm as Sirius rubbed at his eyes. “I know, baby. I miss him, too.”
“Sirius?” They looked up to see Finn there, half-dressed in his padding.
“What did they say?” Finn said. “I—look, if the Rangers don’t make the playoffs, maybe he can come back.”
Sirius looked at Finn quietly for a moment. “Maybe. But Finn…”
Remus reached into his pocket and touched his ring nervously. “Guys, we have no control over this.”
“We can keep them out of the playoffs by playing better,” Finn said flatly.
“That’s ridiculous,” Remus said. “We’re not the only two teams in the Met Division, Finn.”
“We could at least try—”
“Quoi, and we weren’t trying before?” Sirius snapped. “Go get dressed, Harzy.”
Finn looked like he wanted to argue, looked like it took some effort to turn back to the locker room. Remus looked up at Sirius.
“You okay?”
“Let’s just go,” Sirius sighed and then leaned down to kiss Remus’ temple. “See how Kota plays, I guess.”
“Be nice,” Remus said. “It’s not his fault.”
“I’m always nice,” Sirius said, a smile creeping onto his face.
“You’re intimidating,” Remus said, and leaned up for a light kiss.
“What happened with the Captain thing?” Sirius murmured into the kiss.
“Nothing,” Remus said. It wasn’t really a problem—if it was, then he’d tell. “Now, come on before Coach makes us do sprints.”
~
“We didn’t lose that game,” Percy was saying, beer in one hand, the other pounding on the bar table. “It ran away.”
Logan watched as Will snorted into his own glass. “That’s not how it works, Perc.”
The bar was loud and crowded, but Logan preferred it that way—at least while he was tucked into a booth between teammates. It was classic. Logan recognized it as one of Finn’s favorite places, all license plates and two dollar bills covering the walls. The booths were of red, cracked leather and there were softly buzzing neon signs on the walls that said things like Pabst Blue Ribbon, to NOQUITNY. They were recognized by almost everyone who walked in, but beside a few cheers and back slaps, they were left alone. Maybe that’s why the boys frequented this place so much. The beer pitchers were cold and the owner, a guy fondly referred to as Lenny who remembered Logan all the way back from college, had a tan, kind-eyed face that made Logan think of Pascal.
Logan checked the clock then took out his phone.
I miss you, he typed out. He wasn’t sure why that was easier to write than anything to Leo or Finn, but it was. Pascal replied immediately.
We all miss you very much, Logan. You’re playing so well!! Celeste wants to send you some things so get us your address when you can
And then, a second text: Also we’re taking you down in April
Logan clicked his phone off and ran a hand over his face. He realized that he was smiling. Dumo. God, he missed Dumo.
It felt almost like old times with Percy on his left and Will on his right. And there was Alex, who was a mean, trick-of-the-light version of Finn. Luke and Saint had joined, too, and he knew Fox and Miller and some of the other guys were around here somewhere. It was okay like this. He was okay like this. People talking around him. They were fresh off of another win that was bringing them closer and closer to the play-offs, which he knew was why he was here in the first place, even if it didn’t feel like those wins even belonged to him. The Rangers had been willing to let go of two first round picks for him. And he was playing well. Being met with the roar of Madison Square Garden was any little kid’s dream. But then he’d go home at the end of the day, after the adrenaline wore off, and he’d be alone again. Finn would call. Leo would text. But something in him just couldn’t face it.
Logan flashed a smile to Percy when their eyes met, but ducked his head down a little, taking a sip of his beer.
“No, no, no,” Percy was still on the old Harvard game they’d been talking about. “Wisconsin—those hits Wisconsin used to hand out were lethal and dirty. We could’ve stole it in penalty minutes but—”
“You do know how long ago that game was, don’t you?” Logan replied, hoping to get Percy to stop looking at him like that, like he could see right into Logan’s brain.
Alex scoffed. “Oh, like you ever forget a game, Tremzy.”
Logan let a small smile creep onto his face. He figured Alex remembered parts of Logan and Finn’s Harvard days as well as they did. Logan had all but lived at their New York place during the first part of their summers.
“I guess I don’t,” Logan said.
“Hey, when we play Gryf in a few weeks, we gotta get Harzy out with us,” Percy said. “I mean, c’mon, how fucking perfect is this? The gang’s back together. The O’Hara brothers, us—”
“We’re feeling real included right now, Perseus,” Saint piped in dryly.
Percy just laughed and stole Saint’s hat—which Logan was pretty sure had actually been on Luke’s head at the beginning of the night—and placed it over his thick blond curls.
“You can come, too!” Percy said. “Finn’ll get a real kick out of you.”
Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. He was right. Finn would like Saint. He was loud and sarcastic and had the locker room in stitches most of the time, even Logan. Even Luke, who seemed to spend most of his time scowling at anyone and anything—except Saint. Or, usually, especially Saint. Even now, he narrowed his eyes at Percy and snatched his hat back, but returned it to Saint’s head instead of his own.
The truth was, Logan missed Gryffindor more than anything…but he liked this team. They had the same tight-knit nature as the Lions did, looking out for each other off ice as much as on.
“Wonderful,” Saint rolled his. brown eyes. “I love being invited so people can get a kick out of me.”
Percy waved him off and slapped Logan on the back instead. “Tremzy, come get the next round with me, eh?”
Logan supposed that he did want another beer. He was feeling loose. Relaxed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that way. It was like a bad headache had finally cleared up to a small ache behind the skull.
“Ouais,” Logan said. “Yeah, let’s go. Fries, too?”
“Fuck yes,” Luke said as he stretched out an arm along the back of the booth behind Saint. Logan’s eye caught on how his fingers brushed along the back of Saint’s neck, dipping below the collar of his t-shirt for a flash of a second.
Logan knew that move. He knew that move all too well. Half of Logan’s life was that move. When Saint saw him looking though, he didn’t flinch. He smiled, arching an eyebrow that was almost challenging. Yes? it said. And?
Logan followed Percy up to the bar.
“So,” Percy reached for one of the bowls of peanuts at the bar and popped a few into his mouth. His Star of David caught the light of some of the neon signs—bright blue and red. “What is it, are you and Harz not close anymore or something? Because, frankly, that’s hard to imagine.”
Logan felt his own eyebrows rise in surprise. “What?”
Percy shrugged, leaning on his elbows the way Logan was. It was nice to be around someone his own height for once. And Percy was just as scrappy. They made a good team with Alex as their center.
“Every time I bring him up, you, like…flinch or something, I don’t know.”
Logan straightened, flexing his wrists against the slightly sticky wood bar top. “I—no, we’re, y’know.”
“FinnAndLogan?” Percy smiled.
Logan laughed. “We’re really close.” He cleared his throat. “Guess I just miss him.”
“Been a while since you played without each other.”
Logan looked down, picking at a lone napkin that had a wet glass ring on it. It came apart easily in his hands. “Ouais.”
“Maybe us Harvard boys aren’t supposed to be apart, eh?” Percy said, and then stayed quiet for a while when Logan merely nodded. The bar tender was still busy, hung up with a crowd that looked like a bachelorette party. Percy tapped out a few different rhythms on the bar, reminding Logan that he played guitar. Logan had fallen asleep lots of nights to the soft, electric chords coming from the room below him in Harvard’s OKN house.
“I’m sorry, Tremz,” Percy finally said, more quietly. “You’ve been having kind of a hard time with this trade, haven’t you? I can see it. Morgy can, too.” Percy knocked their shoulders together. “We know you, man, don’t forget.”
Logan bit down on the inside of his cheek hard. “I’m okay. Hockey’s hockey.”
“Bullshit.” Percy leaned in. “I know it’s been a while between us, but I was there when Finn and Will graduated. It hit you harder than it hit me, and Will’s my best friend in the whole world.”
“I…” Logan said. He could feel himself drawing in. This was getting too close for comfort. “What do you…”
“I’m just saying I’m here for you,” Percy said, and finally the bar tender noticed them. He tapped Logan on the back. “And I know Morg and Hazard are, too. That’s all.”
“What can I get for you, gents?” the barman said.
“Another round, Mike,” Percy said, and with a pointed look at Logan, “And some fries.”
Logan gave him a shove and smiled, and just like that something eased again, right back into place. Logan didn’t have a lot of positive emotions associated with the phrase like no time passed at all, but he was more than happy to feel that way with Percy.
“C’mon,” Logan threw an arm around Percy’s shoulder. “I’ll kick your ass a bubble hockey.”
Logan looked around his new apartment as he closed the door, easy with a pleasant buzz. He felt good, with laughter left over in his mouth. The second the door closed behind him though, the quiet was so loud that it rang. He kept expecting something different, but it was always this. Quiet. The warm smell of beer and fries was left by the door as he hung up his jacket, like Leo would have wanted. He swallowed and tried to keep it with him. It had felt good to talk to Will and Percy again. Alex was as fun to be around as he always remembered. Saint had such wild stories that Logan wondered if he’d lived another life before hockey. Logan clung to it as he kicked his shoes off. He went to his electric kettle and flicked it on before opening the cupboard above it. It was bare except for a box of mint tea. This part felt okay, too, now. Methodical. Familiar. The kettle boiled and Logan drew another long breath in before letting it out again.
He was tossing his teabag when his phone began to ring. Finn’s face lit up his screen. It was a picture from Logan’s freshman year of college, Finn’s sophomore. Finn was slumped low in a library chair and looked exhausted, but happy. Logan wanted to kiss the purple beneath his eyes, wanted to touch the way his hood pushed his hair forward. Logan stared at it and stared at it until it went to voicemail. A text followed, almost immediately.
Night, Lo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo love you so much
The tears sprang up so fast that it actually pulled the corners of Logan’s mouth down a little, drew his eyebrows together. He blinked hard. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe Percy’s words from earlier, but the feeling from the bar—lighter, something beginning to ease off of his shoulders—disappeared with a snap. He missed them so fiercely it burned.
Hope the apartment is okay. Leo says not to leave your towels on the bathroom floor.
Logan definitely had left his towel on the floor, wet. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling hopeless at all of it all over again. Living alone. Being alone. Even at feeling okay. Was he really doing better if the feeling could vanish just like that?
Finn’s texts were nearly a steady stream. Logan didn’t reply. He wanted to. He could picture it. Went to your favorite spot tonight. Had Italian with the boys last night, Leo’s is better. He’d told him he needed time but he wasn’t sure Finn had completely understood. Not talking didn’t mean Logan wanted to be talked at. He wanted to grab Finn by the shoulders and shake him. And kiss him.
Please call, was the last thing Finn had said before he’d left. Please.
Maybe it was guilt that was eating at him, too.
Logan sipped his tea and leaned against the counter, staring around the space. The furniture wasn’t theirs. The refrigerator was take-out leftovers. Logan couldn’t look at anything without choking up. When he was alone, he had constant goosebumps but he couldn’t seem to shiver. Eventually, Leo’s text came, too. Leo, who was probably having trouble sleeping. And Logan wasn’t there.
Good game tonight <3 Leo’s text came in.
Neither of them pushed him to call or text back exactly, but the unspoken words were there. More imagined responses flitted through Logan’s head. I miss our midnight talks. God, he missed everything about Leo.
Logan held the phone to his ear and tried to will the lump in his throat away. The phone only rang once.
“Hi, Lolo,” Noelle chimed. “How’s the big apple treating you?”
Logan dropped to an elbow against his kitchen counter and inhaled a sharp, hitching breath. “Noelle…”
“Oh,” Noelle whispered. “God, Logan, hey…” she sounded like she was moving away from other people, closing a door. She switched to French. “I know. I know, Lo. Go ahead. You can cry, you’re all right. I’m right here.”
Logan pressed his forehead into the crook of his arm and fought away the tears. “It’s been—I need to be okay by now. I can’t do this, what if I can’t do this?”
“You can. Logan, you’re doing it, of course it’s going to take time.” Noelle had what Logan liked to think of as her big sister voice on. It wasn’t so different than her captain voice. “What do your boys say?”
Logan had known in making this call that he would run straight into that question. And he’d made the call anyway. Your boys. But they felt so far away.
“We haven’t talked.”
He was met by a silence that made him rub at his eyes fiercely. It brought spots to his gaze as he looked around the dim kitchen. A siren was whining down a street somewhere nearby.
“You haven’t…” Noelle began. “Logan.”
“Don’t look at me like that,” Logan sighed.
“First of all, you can’t even see me,” Noelle scoffed. “And second—Logan. What the hell?”
“I can’t.” Logan was surprised by how hoarsely he said the words. “Noelle, I…”
Logan grit his teeth against the fresh wave of tears that threatened, hung up the call, and dropped his face into his folded arms, willing himself not to cry. He ignored her both times she tried to call him back.
~
It was getting better, but not by much. Maybe this is what it was now, Remus thought. Back and forth, like any homesickness and grief. Springing between okay and not okay with only time to rely on to make it better. The next week felt like five. Remus could tell the coaching staff was noticing, too. Everything was stilted. Finn couldn’t make a shot—but Leo couldn’t seem to miss one. The fuel of Logan’s absence seemed to bring different things to different people. Sirius took breath away with insane angled shots, Finn delivered hits like never before, but he was scrappy about it. The littlest comment sent him off the rails, taking stupid penalty after stupid penalty. And then, Sirius would go in after, defending him. They played 4 on 3 more than Remus even wanted to think about. Still, they were winning games now. Six in a row so far and still running hot.
Remus stood by Leo’s goal when Coach blew the whistle between scrimmages at practice. He didn’t push, and Leo didn’t respond to his presence for a few long moments, but finally he let out a breath. Remus had a feeling he was holding it all in. Remus skated a little closer, watching as Leo shoved his mask up and took some water, then pushing it back down again. He traced another line around the crease.
“Do you know he stayed with Alex for a couple weeks, but he’s got his own place now?” Leo finally said, as if they’d been talking already.
“Oh?” Remus replied, trying not to sound too overly interested. “No, I didn’t. Sirius has tried to reach out, but…That’s nice. Do you have pictures?”
“No, he…” Leo chewed on his lip for a second. “He sent us, like, one text.”
Remus nodded, taking that in. He looked over to Finn, who was getting an earful from one of the assistant coaches. “What do you mean, ‘one text’?”
Leo looked down, tracing the blue crease of his goal with his stick. “Nothing. He…he won’t really talk to us.”
Remus’ heart sank. “You mean…since he left?” he asked softly. He had been so long.
“He warned us,” Leo added quickly, and kept his mask down. A barrier. A shield. “We’re not—like, we understand. Well,” he sent a glance towards Finn, now giving the coach back just as good. “I understand. But still. It’s been so long…and my birthday…”
Leo cut the word off halfway through, as if he wished he hadn’t said it. He gave his head a hard shake.
“Well, I thought he’d call, at least.”
“Oh, Nutty,” Remus said again. He couldn’t imagine getting traded and not calling Sirius the second he got to wherever he was going. “Well…I mean, I don’t know. Lo’s very…”
“Scared?” Leo supplied. “Stubborn?”
Remus bit his lip. “Well, I’d say give him time, but…” Three weeks was a long time to hear nothing. Even thinking about going that long without talking to Sirius made him want to shake the thought from his head.
“I know,” Leo’s voice came out frustrated, and he glanced up apologetically. “Sorry. Sorry, I don’t want to take any of this out on you.”
“It’s okay,” Remus said, skating closer. “Seriously, I won’t take anything personally. Especially not now. Especially when I think Finn just tried to take my head off with a shot.”
Leo’s expression seemed to get heavier. “He’s really not doing well. And I’m okay, but I…I get out three plates for dinner.”
Remus put his glove on Leo’s shoulder. “Aw, Leo…God, I’m so sorry.”
Leo just shook his head with a slight smile, blue eyes blinking away tears.
“I just wish…I do understand, I just…” He sniffed and jumped a little as Thomas called Remus over for face-off. “We’ll be okay.”
“I know you will,” Remus said. “But, like…it’s okay to hurt about it, you know? Or not understand. And…” Remus shrugged. “Maybe it’s okay to give Finn a piece of your mind.”
Leo actually laughed a little, then sniffed. “I think I’m getting there.”
Practice was a little brutal once Remus skated away. Finn nearly broke a stick as Leo blocked shot after shot of his, Sirius collected an even hat trick against Kasey, but it all finally came to a peak when Finn shook Remus up against the boards in a hard—and not entirely clean—hit.
“Fucking whoa,” Thomas called out, voice echoing in the empty stadium, just as Coach blew a shrill whistle that made all of them duck their heads.
“O’Hara!” Coach barked. “I see another hit like that in practice, I’m gonna sit you so hard next game you’ll put a hole in that bench!”
Remus rolled his shoulder out, glancing up at Finn’s stony expression. Finn didn’t reply, and didn’t so much as glance at Remus as he skated away—straight for the locker room, Remus realized. They still had fifteen minutes.
Remus heard the familiar sound of Sirius’ skating stop sharply next to him. His hair peaked out of his helmet in dark, sweat-slick strands and his eyes were wide, watching Finn retreat. “Loops. Merde, Re, are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Remus said, putting a glove on his arm. “Just surprised me mostly.”
“Lupin?” Coach called out.
“I’m fine, Coach.”
“Yeah, he’s damn lucky you’re fine,” Thomas grumbled. “What the fuck. Season’s finished at this rate.”
“Don’t say that,” Remus began as Coach blew the whistle again.
“All right, I think we’ve all had enough for one morning. Hit the showers, boys. Be ready for video review later.”
Remus felt the tension thicken as the team skated off the ice. He looked up at Leo when he tapped his shin with his stick. His blue eyes looked almost mournful.
“Are you okay?” Leo asked. “I can’t believe…I don’t know why he…”
Remus made sure his smile looked real and not worried. “I’m okay. Really, I am.”
Leo didn’t look convinced, but he filed back down the tunnel with the rest of them in silence. That silence was only broken when they made it into the locker room to find Finn already half-undressed.
Before anyone could so much as mutter a word, Sirius had Finn by the straps of his chest padding, pushed up against the edge between his own and what was now Kota’s stall.
Remus had to bite his own tongue to keep from yelling Sirius’ name. He had to let him do this.
“You want to push your own team around?” Sirius all but growled. “That’s really what you want to do?”
Finn tried to shove Sirius away but he wouldn’t budge. Remus saw his eyes dart to Leo, but Leo had his eyes down, unstrapping his own padding. Remus guessed Leo thought Finn needed this, too. Kota looked a little wide-eyed, but kept his distance with the others.
“You’re just mad ‘cause it was Loops—” Finn shot back, and Sirius gave him another firm push.
“You know that’s not true,” Sirius said. “You’re taking stupid penalties in games, and you’re taking your problems out on everyone else like this whole situation isn’t effecting the rest of us, too. You’re not the only person in this room, and every person here fucking loves you. So stop acting like you’re alone. I’ve been there. It’s not true.”
And that was it. Sirius turned away to his own stall, placing his helmet down evenly and pulling his jersey over his head. Slowly, the others followed. Remus’ throat felt dry as he looked at Finn. His brown eyes were cast down and unfocused, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Remus began undressing slowly, too, but when Sirius headed towards change room, he jogged after him.
“Hey,” Remus said, catching him around the arm.
They were both sweaty, but when Sirius turned towards him and wrapped him up in his arms, Remus didn’t care. Maybe they both needed a moment away from it all, away from Kota, who was nice enough but a constant reminder of how heavy this season now felt without Logan. Away from Finn’s snapping remarks and Leo’s sad eyes. They needed a moment away from wondering how they were going to ever bring up their engagement. A moment away from feeling guilty about how damn happy they were.
“Was that too much?” Sirius asked, dropping a kiss to Remus’ head.
“No, he needed that,” Remus whispered. “All this just makes me think about…” He couldn’t even say the word trade. He was a player now, just like any other. Sirius wasn’t going anywhere but that didn’t protect him, nor should it.
“Non,” Sirius shushed him softly. “No, I wouldn’t let that happen.”
“It’s not up to you,” Remus pulled back to look at him.
“I’d go on strike.”
Remus let out a slight laugh. “No, you definitely wouldn’t.”
He felt Sirius smile against his temple. “Non, maybe not.” He wrapped Remus up tighter. “But we’d be okay.”
It was so close to what Leo had just said that Remus had to squeeze his eyes shut and let out a steadying breath through his nose. He looked up at Sirius, wanting a kiss. “I know we would be. But I’d want to call you every night, okay? Just so you know.”
Sirius leaned down, brushing their lips together. “I’d want to call you every hour.”
They jumped a little when Finn came around the corner and stopped dead, looking at them with wide eyes that quickly dulled. It was like he was making a bad habit of simply tucking the emotion away. He was fiddling with Logan’s necklace.
Remus felt Sirius pull away a little as guilt flooded him.
“Sorry,” Finn said, eyes down, and pushed around them to the showers.
“Merde,” Sirius breathed, looking after him.
“Tremz isn’t calling them,” Remus whispered. “At All Stars, you—baby, you got to get him to call them. I get not wanting to in the beginning, but I don’t think it’s helping anyone. Not anymore.”
Sirius frowned. “He’s not calling them? Why?” He nodded quickly when Remus just looked at him. “Okay, d’accord, you know what I meant. God…” Sirius pressed a soft kiss to Remus’ mouth. “Is that what brought this on?”
Remus bit his lip, then nodded.
“No wonder Finn’s so…God, maybe I was too harsh. I didn’t know that.” Sirius looked after the direction Finn had gone. Remus pressed his cheek to Sirius’ chest and felt him take a long, slow breath. “All right. Yeah, I’ll talk to him. I still think we can get him home.”
“Sirius, that’s not helpful for anyone right now,” Remus closed his eyes, holding him tighter. “Especially you.”
“But if I can convince—”
“You can’t,” Remus said. “Hey, listen to me, you can’t.” He pressed both of his palms to Sirius’ cheeks. “And, baby, you frankly shouldn’t be able to. You know those rumors flying around about you getting me this spot? Yeah, well, the Lions made a whole big thing about you not having any pull then, so they’re sure as hell not gonna give any to you right now.”
Sirius closed his eyes, which made him look sweet with his cheeks pressed between Remus’ palms. Remus had to lean up and kiss him again.
“I know,” Sirius whispered. “I just—he’s like my brother. But I know.”
“And maybe don’t fight with Finn again.”
“Then get him to stop tempting me.”
“I know,” Remus pressed up for another kiss. “Look, you’ll be at All Stars next week and all the guys will get a much needed break.”
Sirius’ fiery expression melted into a smile. “You’re coming with me to New York, you know that, right? I have plans.”
Remus wound his arms around Sirius’ neck. “Hmm, plans?”
Sirius smiled into their next kiss. “Plans.”
~
Leo watched Finn’s eyes dart to his phone every time the screen lit up. They had settled down on the couch to watch the All Stars opening red carpet. It all looked too bright, the commentator’s happy tones, the pump-up music. Leo had Finn tucked against his side—he’d finally stopped fidgeting, getting up and sitting back down again—but neither of them could deny that the couch felt empty. It had felt that way for three weeks.
The phone screen on the table lit up again, a news alert, and Finn’s body tensed as he leaned forward a little to check it.
“Sweetheart, I don’t think…” Leo began hesitantly, stroking Finn’s hair back from his face. They hadn’t talked about how practice had been going yet. They hadn’t talked about Sirius’ talk-down.
Finn just pressed himself harder into Leo’s side.
“You…you can’t be angry with him for not talking to us,” Leo whispered. “He’s—we all have to just…deal with this, and if that’s how he’s—”
“Yeah, I got it,” Finn said shortly, and pushed himself up from the couch. “I’m going for a run.”
“You shouldn’t,” Leo sighed, closing his eyes. “Baby, it’s dark—first of all—and second, we had a tough practice today and we have a game tomorrow.”
“Well, I’m going to,” Finn was already tugging his shirt over his head.
“No, Finn,” Leo said and stood. “No, you’re not. Tomorrow, fine, at morning skate, but no, not right now. You need to rest. Plus, the show’s about to start.”
“I don’t know if I want to watch him interviewed,” Finn mumbled as he disappeared into the bedroom.
Leo looked back at the TV. Truthfully, there was nothing Leo wanted more than to catch a glimpse of Logan walking down the red carpet, or suiting up in the All Stars locker room beside Sirius. Anything. He’d take anything, he missed Logan so bad it hurt.
“Finn,” he sighed, and pushed himself up from the couch. He’d expected to have to pry the running shoes out of Finn’s hands, but when he got to the bedroom, Finn was just sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees. The position made Logan’s fleur-de-lis swing lightly from his neck. Leo stared at it. Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep and Finn was, as usual, soundly full under, he’d reach out and touch it where it rested against Finn’s chest, or, if he was on his side, against the mattress. It didn’t exactly put him to sleep, not with the lump it brought to his throat, but it helped all the same.
Leo took another step towards the bed. “Finn—”
“At All Stars, we could’ve—” Finn said suddenly standing back up. “What’s that all about? That’s not a fucking phone call that’s too hard to deal with. We’d be there. We’d be there in the fucking hotel room with him, all together, why doesn’t he—” Finn’s voice broke and his bare shoulders seemed to curl down a little. He pressed his hands over his face and Leo pushed forward, putting his hands on Finn’s waist, trying to steady him. Finn was shaking his head, brow pinched. “Why doesn’t he want us there, I…I don’t…”
“You know that’s not true,” Leo said. His voice wavered and he fought to control it. “You know he wants us there, it’s just—put yourself in his shoes. It would be torture. Finn, it would be torture, for me at least, to know that you two were together and I wasn’t there. God, I hate it, too, but I get it. It’s horrible but I get it.”
“I’d want a week with you!” Finn said. “And not to mention your fucking birthday like—at least then he should—I would’ve fucking—”
“Well, Logan’s not you,” Leo said, more firmly than he’d meant to, but, God, Finn was so sad, so angry, all the time. It was getting to Leo, too. His birthday. Leo crossed his arms over his chest and took a step back. “You’re the only one here who’s had to leave the others before and I…” Leo pressed his lips together, sniffing. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Look, you don’t have to watch, but I really want to see him, so…join me, don’t join me. Whichever.”
And he turned back towards the living room.
It only took a few minutes for Finn to walk back into the living room and stand uncertainly by the couch until Leo lifted the blanket for him. He let out what sounded like a relieved sigh and tucked Leo into his side this time, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.
“I love you,” Finn whispered. “God, Le, I love you. I know I’ve been…”
Leo rubbed a hand over Finn’s chest, his soft t-shirt and the bump of the pendant, but didn’t take his eyes away from where they were showing Logan and Sirius, standing beside each other on the red carpet. They weren’t smiling exactly, but their shoulders were close. Leo swallowed. He would have given anything for the three of them to be sitting on this couch right now.
“I love you, too,” he whispered, and tilted his head to rest against Finn’s shoulder just as the camera zoomed in close to Logan.
“He looks—” Finn said quietly, voice breaking off. “Oh, Lo…”
They both leaned forward. Logan’s cheeks looked a little sunken. He had darkness beneath his eyes. He had his hands deep in his pockets and his brown waves of hair were free and tussled. His green eyes darted around, like they couldn’t settle. Leo pressed a hand to his chest. He’d never seen Logan look like that. Almost frail, the pink of his cheeks tender. Had he been working himself too hard? Had he been sleeping?
“No,” Finn whispered, and pushed up again, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “No, I can’t watch this.”
Leo faintly heard their bedroom door close, but he felt frozen there on the couch, knowing Logan couldn’t see him but somehow silently begging him to look at him, to know he was there.
~
They hadn’t said anything at first. Logan had requested they wait to see each other, really see each other, until the first day’s opening events were done, and, really, Sirius didn’t want cameras around, either. One moment Sirius had been standing in Logan’s hotel room doorway and the next they were hugging. It was such a relief, when Logan started speaking French. Sirius was so choked up right now he wasn’t sure he felt like managing English. It felt like it had hugging Regulus again. He didn’t want to lose another brother.
“Tremz,” Sirius whispered. “Merde…”
“I can’t believe this,” Logan breathed as they pulled away. His dark green suit looked brighter against the ugly red carpet of the hallway. “God, Cap—I mean…”
“Don’t you dare stop calling me that,” Sirius said. “Fuck, nothing’s the same without you. I can’t tell you how hard it’s been.”
“Come in,” Logan all but pulled him in and shut the door. He thought of Remus a few doors down. He’d almost asked him to come, but something in Sirius was thinking of last year’s All Stars and how it had been Logan to talk some sense into him. He wanted it to be just the two of them for now.
“Tell me,” Logan said, and Sirius’ heart hurt at the strained note of pleading in his voice. “Please. I just—just tell me.”
“It’s…” Sirius began haltingly. How in hell was he supposed to tell him about Finn? “Well, Leo is… But Finn…” Sirius didn’t know how to say it. “Finn’s not doing so well right now.”
Logan’s green eyes were big and almost terrified. “And—Leo?”
“Hides it better, but I keep find him just staring at your stall. I can’t imagine…I mean, when he’s at your home…”
“And Kota?”
Sirius tilted his head, grimacing a little. “Kota seems nice enough. But Finn’s being a real ass, I’m not going to lie.”
Logan blinked and Sirius almost felt bad for bringing it up, but part of him knew Remus was right. Logan needed to know. “To Leo even?”
“To everyone.”
“He’s upset with me. Him more than Leo, I think,” Logan bit his lip, ran his hand through his hair. “I told them not to come this week.”
“Ouais…I know about that.” Sirius nodded. “Why—”
“Are they angry?”
Sirius hesitated before answering. “Well, I think you have to do what’s best for you right now.”
“That’s not an answer,” Logan sighed. “Cap, I…I just…” Logan shook his head, eyes on the floor. “I just started, like, being hungry even. Sleeping through the night. Seeing them, spending a week with them…I don’t think it would be…good. Not now. Merde, I love them, but I don’t want to lose my appetite when I’m not with them.”
Sirius sat down slowly on the bed, rubbing his palms together. “I understand. Really, Tremz, I get it.”
“Then what?” Logan sighed.
Sirius shook his head. “Nothing, I just…”
“Non, I know that look, you’re not saying something.”
Sirius couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Well, first, I’m proud of you. I can’t imagine how hard this has been. Oh, and don’t let me forget I have some cookies from Celeste for you. Apparently Katie packed her backpack, said she was coming with me to see you.”
“Oh,” Logan just offered a shaky smile. “Katie…”
It was the same smile Logan had been giving on the carpet all day, to the cameras and fans. Today had been an exhausting one, but Sirius knew that he’d be feeling a whole lot worse right now if Remus hadn’t been by his side through it, holding his hand.
“Second,” Sirius said. “How the hell are you playing so well while feeling like all that?”
Logan blew out a breath and sat down, too. “I can either get Coach Gallant to give me more minutes or sit on the bench and feel sorry for myself. And…” Logan sighed, voice smaller. “Who knows, you know? It’s a one year contract and if they want me for a playoff run and I help get it for them…maybe I’ll have a little more say next time.”
Sirius winced. “That’s a pretty big gamble. But that’s also what Finn said.”
“Really?” Logan asked. “Oh.”
“He’s really not doing well,” Sirius said again. “I…”
Logan waved him on. “Just tell me, Cap.”
Sirius huffed out a laugh. “I’m that obvious?”
“Always have been,” Logan shrugged. “Well. Not always, I guess.”
Sirius took another breath. “I know you aren’t calling them.”
Logan shrunk into himself a bit then, and Sirius felt guilty but not enough to back down. Logan looked away.
He had lost a little weight, Sirius had noticed on the carpet. Not enough to be very noticeable, but Sirius had spent hours and hours with Logan. His cheeks looked a little sharper. His lips were chapped, eyes tired.
“Cap…” Logan shook his head.
Sirius put a hand on Logan’s knee. “Tremz, I know how it was with you and Finn. I’ll never feel what you two felt, I know that, and it must have been so, so horrible, but have you…have you thought about how this doesn’t have to be all or nothing in the way that Harvard was?”
Sirius felt Logan hold himself very still. Sirius was being truthful when he said that he couldn’t imagine what Finn and Logan must have gone through. He’d only truly fallen for Remus when they’d started seeing each other. To feel the way he did about Remus for years and not be able to do anything…he couldn’t begin to imagine.
“Is Loops with you?” Logan asked.
Sirius sighed a little at the topic change but nodded. “Yeah. We thought we’d make a trip of it. Together.”
Logan shot him a look. “Did you kick him out of this talk?”
Sirius laughed. “A little, yeah.”
Sirius paused. He thought of the ring that sat prettily on Remus’ finger. They’d been so dead-set on not rubbing the news into the Cubs’ faces, but maybe…maybe it wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it would help. For Sirius, marrying Remus was the ultimate sign that life, hard and brutal sometimes, worked out.
“Tremz,” Sirius began, and ran a hand through his hair. He wished now that he’d taken the time to change out of his suit. It felt too hot and tight. Logan looked back at him expectantly. He really did look so tired. It made Sirius want to tuck him into his side. God, he hoped this was the right thing to say right now.
“I finally did it,” he said, and Logan tilted his head for a moment before his eyes widened. “I asked Remus to marry me.”
“You did?” Logan said breathlessly. “You finally—the ring?”
Sirius laughed. “I completely forgot about the ring actually.”
Logan laughed, too, reached out and gripped Sirius’ hand, then he blinked and a tear fell. He curled into himself a little. He touched his own wet cheek. “Oh, sorry, I—Oh.”
Sirius felt himself tearing up to. “Don’t you cry, I’ll cry.”
Logan nodded, and then he didn’t seem to be able to speak. He buried his face in his hands. His next breath was a sob.
“Hey,” Sirius said softly. “Tremz, hey…” He squeezed Logan’s hands. “No, I…I’m sorry, I thought it might help to see that things do work out and—”
“Non, I’m so happy for you—I’m sorry—”
Sirius didn’t know what to do but sit there and let Logan squeeze his hands so hard that it hurt a little.
“We were going to come out,” Logan’s words were all tangled up with tears. “We decided—maybe an hour before I got the call.”
“You were—” Sirius felt his heart lurch. A moment later Logan was sort of listing to one side and Sirius pulled him in against his chest. “Oh my god. Oh God, Logan…”
“I wanted to,” Logan cried, clutching at Sirius’ suit jacket. “I finally wanted to and then…”
“I’m sorry,” Sirius said through tears in his throat. He felt Logan’s seeping through the thin cotton of his shirt. “That’s not going to be the last time you want to. Don’t worry about that, Lo, don’t worry.”
“I miss them so bad,” Logan said. “I miss them.”
“Call them,” Sirius said, and realized he was pushing his fingers through Logan’s hair, the way he did with Remus. It felt right with the way Logan leaned into it. “Logan. You know them. I know it’s hard, but you know them. They love you so fucking much. Do you really think seeing their faces, hearing their voices, will be harder than this?”
“I don’t know,” Logan said. “Saying goodbye was so horrible, I…”
“That’s because you’re acting like you’re never going to see them again. It’s a three hour drive or something. You can do that in a day off. It’s not the best, but you can. You can.”
Logan let out a breath and sat up. He wiped at his eyes, dark eyelashes clumped together with tears, and looked at Sirius. “Ouais…” He wiped at more fresh tears. “Ugh. I’ve never cried so much in my life.”
Sirius ruffled Logan’s hair again and then let them sit for a few minutes. He reached up and loosened his own tie, then did the same for Logan, who sent him a grateful look.
“Sorry about your shirt.”
“I could care less about this shirt,” Sirius said, and looked at Logan’s bare throat. “Gave Finn your necklace.”
Logan just nodded and touched where the missing piece would have hung. He sat up a little straighter, scrunching his nose a little, blocked up. “Is Loops just waiting for you?”
“He can entertain himself,” Sirius laughed, and put a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “You’re really important to us, Tremz.”
Logan cracked a smile. “Does he want to watch a movie with us?”
“Absolutely.”
Logan’s smile reached his eyes this time, which he gave another firm rub. “All right. I’m going to get out of this suit.”
“Ouais, me too.” Sirius had one hand on the door when Logan’s phone lit up. Finn, Sirius could see. A picture that looked like it was from Harvard. Finn looked much more like Alex now.
“Want me to give you a bit?” he asked carefully.
When Logan didn’t reply right away, Sirius shut the door again. They watched the phone ring out together.
“D’accord,” Sirius sighed. “Meet up in ten?”
Logan was quiet for a long moment. Sirius watched his eyes dart to the clock, then away. Finally, he straightened. “Non. You two go enjoy yourselves. I have something I need to do.”
Sirius’ chest flooded with relief. “Okay.” He slapped Logan’s shoulder. “Good.”
~
Finn couldn’t help himself anymore. Leo was in the shower, water loud, and Finn pressed his phone harder against his ear.
“Hi,” he whispered to Logan’s voicemail. He’d not yet left a message. He couldn’t help it. Maybe it was seeing him, and not just on Youtube in a press interview (which he and Leo had been watching maybe too many of), but seeing a live feed of Logan walking and talking to other people. How tired he’d looked, how lonely. “Lo, I…I know you said you couldn’t—“
Finn had to stop for a moment, get his breathing under control. He didn’t want to cry. He was so tired of crying, of feeling this way.
“But I need…I can deal with you being in New York. I—I can do that, I really can, but I can’t do this again. I can’t do the silence again, please, please, please…”
His breathing hitched and he covered his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I said I wouldn’t do this, but please call us. It’s just—so hard like this, Lo, it’s so hard—”
His nose was running horribly. Leo would know immediately he’d been crying but Finn wanted nothing more than to sink into Leo’s arms after this.
He let out a long breath. “God, I’m sorry. I love you. Fuck, don’t listen to this, okay—”
He hung up and tossed the phone onto the bed, resting his head back against the pillows. He shouldn’t have done that. Logan had asked him not to do that, not to do any of what he’d been doing. But when he’d left Harvard, Finn hadn’t said a thing after that single, horrible phone call and it had been hell. How much deeper could they sink? Apparently some ways.
He listened to Leo humming softly to himself for a moment before pushing himself up from the bed and cracking the door to the steamed up bathroom.
Le? Can I come in?” Finn asked over the steam, and he saw Leo’s silhouette freeze at the sound of his blocked up nose.
“Oh, sweetheart, of course,” Leo said. “C’mere.”
The second Finn was undressed and stepping onto the wet tile he was taking Leo into his arms.
“I called him, I’m sorry…”
“Finn—” Leo began, holding him tight. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
It felt good, just to breathe each other in, skin on skin. Finn ran his hands up and down Leo’s back, just as Leo did the same for him. He took a deep breath, gathering himself, and leaned back to look at Leo. He pushed his blond hair away from his eyes.
“I’m such an asshole—”
Leo shushed him gently, pressing three gentle fingers over his mouth.
“I just want to hold you, okay?” Leo said. “And I want you to hold me.”
Finn loved him. Finn loved him so much. He nodded, and let Leo tuck his face back into his neck, pressing him close beneath the shower’s warm spray.
~
Sirius shut the door to his and Remus’ room in New York and sat down heavily on the bed. He brought Remus’ hand up to his mouth and kissed where he had replaced his engagement ring. Sirius didn’t like it, but it probably was for the best that he’d taken it off for the red carpets. At least for now, until they told the team officially.
“I think he’s going to call them,” he said, and Remus’ shoulders visibly loosened.
“Yes. Good Logan.”
“Yeah,” Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist. “Re, they were going to come out.”
Remus’ eyes widened and he dropped his forehead to Sirius’ shoulder. “Oh my god. Aw, Leo…I knew there was something else he wasn’t saying. Oh my god, I can’t even imagine…and when Logan was asking me about it…”
Neither of them found more words, just sat on the cool hotel sheets. Remus started twisting his ring around his finger at one point and Sirius watched the flash of the diamond as it came round and round again.
“Okay,” Sirius said, and pressed a kiss to Remus’ temple. “I love Logan, I miss him, but right now I’ve had a camera in my face all day and we deserve to celebrate,” Sirius tugged Remus closer. “I’m going to start us on our Pre-Wedding Honeymoon New York City Itinerary.”
Sirius took delight in nothing more than the smile that slowly broke over Remus’ face.
“Oh?”
“Mhm,” Sirius said, and pressed a gentle kiss to Remus’ mouth. “Get your coat.”
“My coat?” Remus laughed. “It’s like eleven at night!”
“What, there’s no where to go at night? Come on, allez.” He pulled Remus up and right into another kiss. “I’ve been thinking so much about Tremz, of course I have, but…” Sirius sighed. “All I want to think about is you.” He let his next kiss linger. “You and you and you.”
“Hmm,” Remus’ smiled. “Where are we going?”
Sirius pressed the words into his mouth along with kisses. He tucked Remus up against his body and turned them in a slow circle. “Dancing.”
Remus’ laugh was light. “Sirius Black is taking me dancing?”
“He is,” Sirius smiled into another kiss. “And he can’t wait.”
If Sirius had learned anything from his life so far, it was to seize the moment he was in. Worry would always be there. Problems were never in short supply. But he had Remus blushing with excitement and looking for their room key and his shoes. He was going to grab onto that and keep it close.
~
Leo hadn’t needed anything for his birthday, really. Finn had tried so hard that night, but neither of their hearts were really in it. They’d had dinner out at Leo’s favorite restaurant, and Leo had thought Finn looked so good. In another version of this night, he’d have them skip dessert entirely so he could take Finn home. But both of them had been waiting for a call from Logan that had never come. They had skipped dessert at the restaurant, if only because Finn knew Leo didn’t really like the attention public birthday candles brought. Instead, once they were both in their pajamas, Finn had brought out a perfect slice of chocolate coconut cake from the bakery down the street, a single candle in it, and kissed his cheek and neck in bursts while Leo tried to blow it out and laugh at the same time. They’d read their books with their feet tangled. They’d had a game the next day, and it had been a good night considering that they were both sore and jumping every time their phone lit up. In the end, Leo had pulled Finn to bed and made himself small against Finn’s warm chest. Finn had rubbed his back until they’d both fallen asleep.
Leo didn’t mind. What he did mind was staring up at the dark bedroom ceiling for what felt like the thousandth night in a row. It was somewhere closer to two in the morning now and Leo rubbed at his eyes, frustrated. He needed to sleep. God, he needed to sleep so bad. Finn had been tracing patterns across his back for a while, but he’d long since fallen asleep and rolled onto his other side.
He played back each glimpse they’d had of Logan on the TV. His green suit they’d picked out. He’d looked gorgeous in it. So gorgeous. Leo sighed and rolled onto one side, watching Finn’s back rise and fall beneath his t-shirt. His hair was still a little damp from the shower and Leo reached out to stroke the soft red strands at the base of his neck a few times. God, he was so tired. He was playing so well, though, it didn’t make any sense. They were finally winning games, and Twitter was giving some sort of weird, superstitious credit to shaking the team and lines up. Leo wanted to through his phone across the room more often than not.
He closed his eyes. They felt so heavy, dry with strain, but his body wouldn’t rest. He’d end up listening to his own heartbeat pound in his ears, or counting the soft freckles across Finn’s neck. He was scooting closer to Finn, softly fitting their bodies together again in hopes that it would help, when a sound from the living room made him freeze.
It was the scratch of keys in the door. The bolt opening. Leo tensed, lifting his head, wide awake now. His first thought was some sort of thief, but as the door opened and someone let out a breath, the telltale sound of keys being dropped into the bowl by the door made him sit up sharply. Finn always forgot about the bowl, no matter how many times Leo pointed it out to him. His keys ended up anywhere but that bowl Leo had put there. Couch, counter, bathroom, sheets.
But Logan. Logan had worked hard to make Leo happy and put his set there beside Leo’s, ready to be found again.
Leo realized he was shaking a little as he hurriedly pushed the covers off and stood, listening hard. Had he imagined it? He looked towards Finn’s sleeping form, but he didn’t want to wake him up if it was nothing. God, what if it was nothing, and Leo was standing there like some love-sick maniac, imagining Logan…But there was definitely someone in the living room. Leo took slow steps, pushing the bedroom door open slowly. There was more rustling. A suitcase rolled to a stop. A phone clicked off and was put on the counter. Shoes were toed off. Logan’s shoes. His keys might stay put, but his shoes ended up in two different rooms. Leo was always finding them and matching them back together by the door, socks, too.
Leo stepped out of the bedroom, took one step, two, three—
And there was Logan, standing by the kitchen counter, green eyes catching the light of the city outside. Leo’s heart gave a hard, lurching thud as they stared at each other.
“I was trying to be quiet,” Logan whispered and, God, his voice. Leo had all but clung to each word he’d heard Logan say in the interviews on TV. But that was nothing compared to hearing it here, now, scratched with tiredness and emotion. He was wearing a thick Rangers sweatshirt and gray sweatpants. Leo wanted to press the two of them together until they were one.
Leo couldn’t help it, he broke into a smile, eyes filling. “I was awake already.”
“You were?” Logan asked, eyes going sad, and dropped his bag onto the floor. He was looking at Leo almost greedily, body edging forward.
“What…did you drive all the way here?” Leo said, wiping at his eyes. There was so much space between them, and Leo was dying to close it, but he wanted to let Logan make the first move. He needed Logan to make the first move.
“Ouais,” Logan said. “I’ll get a fine for missing the skills competitions tomorrow, but…” He took a step forward. “I think I can afford it.”
“I’d give them triple if it meant having you here.”
Logan’s brows knit. He had been twisting his sweatshirt in his hands, but he let it go now, reached out a palm. “Le…”
And then the distance was closed and they were clutching each other. Leo felt a laugh bubble up inside him and mix with his tears. He turned his face into Logan’s hair and inhaled. “Hi. Hi, sweetheart. Lo…”
Logan was up on his toes, arms pulling Leo down to wrap around his neck, fingers in his hair, while Leo gripped his strong shoulders.
“I was so wrong,” Logan whispered.
Leo just shook his head and held him tighter. “It doesn’t matter now. I just need you to kiss me.”
Logan didn’t hesitate. He barely pulled away to press their mouths together hard. He stroked his tongue along Leo’s bottom lip lovingly. Leo let his teeth scrape gently against Logan’s, opening to him, needing the closeness, the warmth. He pressed his palm to Logan’s cheek and kissed him until he couldn’t breathe.
They panted softly into the quiet space of the living room.
“Do I have Sirius Black to thank for this?” Leo whispered.
“He told me to call you,” Logan replied. “I thought I could do better than that, since we technically have almost a week off.”
“God,” Leo laughed and wrapped Logan up again. “I’m so—I’ve been sick to my stomach thinking of you all alone.”
Logan clung to him. “I was worried it was just me.”
“Of course it wasn’t, you—dummy.”
The word startled a laugh out of both of them. Logan made a soft, low sound as Leo cupped a palm to the back of his neck, another to the small of his back.
“I’m not alone,” Logan said, pressing a kiss to the underside of Leo’s jaw. “Alex was so good to me, and Morgy and Perc…but then I’d go to sleep at night and I just…” He pressed himself into Leo harder, as if he could soak up all of his warmth. He lifted his nose into Leo’s neck, breathing him in.
They stood there, swaying slightly, in the middle of the apartment. Logan still had the cold February air clinging to him and Leo was determined to warm him up through and through.
“It’s so good to be home,” Logan whispered, and while Leo knew that it was his first time back in the apartment, the way Logan squeezed his shoulders let him know that Logan was talking about him. Logan pulled back and smiled up at him, wiping his thumbs gently beneath Leo’s eyes.
“You should go wake Finn up,” Leo smiled, feeling a little giddy at the thought of Finn’s face. “God, Lo, I’m so happy you’re here. He’s going to be so happy.”
Logan paused and Leo saw actual worry pass over his face. “Are you sure? Cap said that he’s been…”
Leo just shook his head and smiled. “I know. And he has been, but…come on.” He laced his fingers through Logan’s. “It’s you. It’s us. Come on.”
They crept back into the dark bedroom and Leo flicked on the dim lamp on his side of the bed as Logan sat down carefully on Finn’s side. It washed the room in a glow that finally felt warm again. Leo felt choked up all over again at the fact that the three of them were all in the same room once more. The bed felt softer, the light like a cocoon. He studied Logan as he frowned at the furrow in Finn’s brow, even in sleep, and the purple beneath his eyes. For a moment, it felt like Logan had never left. He sent Leo a soft smile before putting a hand on Finn’s back through the worn-out Harvard t-shirt he was wearing, rubbing gently. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Finn’s temple that was so tender it made Leo ache.
“Mon rouge,” Logan whispered. “Wake up. I love you, wake up.”
Finn stirred a little, and the crease between his brows deepened before relaxing into sleep again. His fingers fisted his pillow and he turned his face into it, making a soft sound. Leo realized he thought he was dreaming. He sat down on the bed, scooting close to Finn’s sleeping form and smiled at Logan, nodding for him to to try again.
“Harzy. Harzy…” Logan dropped his forehead to Finn’s shoulder. “Wake up, I missed…” The words cut off and Leo watched Logan swallow down his emotion. “Finn.”
Finn stirred again, lips parting, and then he stilled at the feeling of Logan’s cheek against his shoulder, his breath against his neck.
Without opening his eyes, Finn asked, voice sleep-coarse, “Is this real?”
Logan let out a soft laugh—Leo’s favorite laugh—and pressed a kiss to Finn’s shoulder, then his neck, then his cheek. “Ouais, mon amour, open your eyes.”
But Finn still didn’t, just allowed his hand to find the back of Logan’s neck, the other between his shoulder blades, and pulled him down against his chest.
“Lo,” Finn breathed, and turned his face into Logan’s neck.
“It’s me,” Logan whispered, and Leo had to hook his cheek over Finn’s shoulder, then, hand on his hip. Logan pressed another series of hard kisses to Finn’s cheek, to Finn’s tears falling there. “Shh, c’est moi.”
Leo smiled as Logan’s words dissolved into gentle French, then began to cry, too, when Finn did.
“I’m sorry,” Finn said through hitching breaths. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”
“No apologies,” Logan whispered, and cupped Finn’s cheek. “Remember? Please, open your eyes…”
Finn rubbed a palm over the for a moment, like he was still scared it was all going to disappear, before finally letting his eyes flutter open to look at Logan. The brown of them looked so warm in the light that Leo had to duck to kiss his jaw.
“Surprise,” Leo whispered.
Finn just reached up and traced a finger along Logan’s neck. “Did you know, Le?” He asked Leo.
Leo shook his head as Logan kissed Finn’s fingers, shifting so that more of his weight pressed against Finn’s chest. He touched his fleur-de-lis around Finn’s neck.
“I didn’t even know until a few hours ago.” Logan turned and kissed Finn’s palm, too, when it pressed to his cheek. “I hope it’s a good surprise.”
“I should punch you for thinking it wouldn’t be,” Finn said, and made a fist and gave the Rangers logo on Logan’s sweatshirt a light bump. But then his hand flattened, pressed right over Logan’s heart. Finn looked over at Leo and then he was grinning, wide, eyes crinkled at the corners. “Got our boy back, Le.”
“We did,” Leo laughed, and bent down to meet Finn’s mouth when he tilted his chin up.
“Come here,” Finn said, and all but heaved Logan into the middle between them, startling a laugh out of him. “Come here right fucking now.”
Leo wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist and pressed his lips to his neck just as Finn brought Logan into a hard kiss. Leo felt Logan’s soft sound vibrate against his lips and Logan reached back to hold Leo there.
“We missed you,” Finn breathed. “Baby, we missed you so much.”
“I know,” Logan said, green eyes bright. “Me too.”
Leo threw his leg over Logan’s hip, could see Finn tangle his and Logan’s ankles together.
“Oh,” Logan let out a long, relieved sigh and tilted his head back into the pillows, closing his eyes. “This is all I’ve wanted.”
Across Logan’s shoulder, Leo met Finn’s eyes. Finn reached out and cupped his cheek. I love you he mouthed, and Leo kissed his wrist.
“Sleep, Lo,” Leo whispered. “We’ve got all week.”
And they slept, curled together, with no alarm to wake them in the morning.
#vaincre lumosinlove#wolfstar#vaincre#lumosinlove#Harry Potter fic#o'knutzy#fluff#angst#hockey au#wolfstar au#sirius black#remus lupin#sirius x remus#remus x sirius#Logan tremblay#Leo knut#finn o'hara
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Opening your page always reminds me of Jules- and we haven't seen him in a while!! Can he come back in one of your fics soon ?
Jules <3 Always a legend, always beloved here. Character credit goes to @lumosinlove, Hattie belongs to me, and the cinnamon roll recipe is lifted directly from this video by Claire Saffitz on the NYT channel! Bon appetit!
“Hello MTV, and welcome to my crib.” Remus paused, then turned to Julian. “Do you understand that reference?”
“No.”
“That’s so depressing. Why are you so young?”
“Why are you so old?”
Remus wrinkled his nose and turned back to the camera. “Welcome to a new installment of Lion Pride’s baking series. I’m Remus Lupin, and I’m here today with my little brother to make everyone’s favorite breakfast food—”
“Pancakes.”
“—cinnamon rolls.” Remus frowned down at where his brother was kneeling on a stool and rocking gently back and forth. “You knew that. We practiced.”
Julian arched a brow at him. “My favorite breakfast food isn’t cinnamon rolls.”
“Not everything is about you.” A light poke to his forehead made Julian stick his tongue out. Remus stifled a smile. “You ready?”
“To eat a spoonful of icing? Duh.”
“We’ll get there eventually.” Remus pulled a large ceramic bowl from the collection of dishware to his left; the pattern was faded around the rim from years of use, but the bowl itself was shiny and clearly cared-for. “Alright,” he began. “I’m not a huge baker, but Jules and I grew up with Saturday cinnamon rolls, so this is a bit of a family recipe. Someone is probably going to type it up for you guys since my handwriting is iffy—”
“Literally unreadable,” Julian coughed.
“Shut up. The recipe will be somewhere on the Lion Pride website, or linked in the description below. In the meantime, we’re going to do a step-by-step demonstration for anyone who would like to try this at home. Milk?”
Julian passed the half-gallon over before looking to the camera. “This recipe is also going to be on our mom’s Instagram, if you look up ‘baking with Hope’. All one word, no caps.”
Remus snorted as he measured the milk into a pan waiting on the stovetop. “Nice. Love the shameless plug.”
“I made a bet with Dad that she’d have more followers than you by the end of the year.”
“Of course you did.” Remus shook his head, but it was more fond than anything. “We’re measuring a cup of milk into a pot on the stove, and then we’re going to warm it up until there are tiny bubbles on the sides.”
“That’s called a simmer, for anyone watching,” Julian informed the camera.
“It’s called bubbles, for the rest of us plebians.”
“What’s a plebian?”
“You.” Remus took a whisk from a small bowl on the side and stirred gently. “Timing for this step kind of depends on your stove, so just keep an eye out and make sure it doesn’t burn. We’re going to keep the milk at the small bubble stage—”
“Simmering.”
“—for….a minute? Ish?” He shrugged. “Until it steams. Then we’ll turn the heat off and measure out a third of a cup.”
Julian pushed his elbows onto the countertop, leaning over to watch. “You should tell the people we’re doing this at night.”
“What? Oh, yeah, this is an overnight thing. It’s currently…” Remus squinted to something off-screen. “Just before eight in the evening. We’re going to let the dough rest overnight, then finish in the morning.”
“We’re staying over for the P-L-A-Y-O-F-F’s,” Julian said. They reached down to knock on the cabinets in unison with near-identical grins.
“We deserve some cinnamon rolls.”
“Hell yeah.”
“Ew, don’t swear on camera.”
“That’s not swearing.”
Remus raised his eyebrows and gave a threatening shake of the whisk. “If you drop a swear word right now, I’m hitting you with this. That’s a promise.”
“You’re the one that taught me all the swear words!”
“So not true.” Remus stirred the milk once more, tapping the whisk gently on the side of the pot. “Dad is responsible for at least half. Okay, this has been bubbling for a little while, so I’m going to turn the heat off and pour about a third of a cup into the bowl over here. Then Jules is going to add some flour to the main pot and give it a stir.”
Julian took the whisk from him with unbridled glee and dumped the flour in; Remus held the pot handle for him while he mixed, still leaning on the countertop to adjust for height. “It’s getting thicker,” Julian noted with a glance at the camera. “It’s kinda like…paste? Or Nutella.”
Remus’ mouth twitched with a smile. “Nutella is a paste.”
“Nutella is a butter.”
“It’s literally hazelnut and chocolate paste.”
“Butter is just milk paste.”
“That’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me,” Remus laughed. “God. Okay. Once your milk and flour looks thick like this, you’re going to add it to the big bowl with the other milk in it and add some cold water so your rolls aren’t messed up.”
“That was so scientific,” Julian said dryly.
“This is a lot of criticism from a kid that doesn’t even like cinnamon rolls.”
“I like them. They’re just not my favorite.”
“Then you’re lame, and I don’t want to hear it.” Remus clapped his hands on either side of the bowl and looked into the lens. “Wow, this is going to take forever. I’m not a baker. Bear with me. We’re adding three eggs to the bowl and whisking that, which I’m going to do because I don’t trust people under the age of twelve with raw egg.”
Julian narrowed his eyes. “I’m coming back here in three days and cracking very egg you own.”
Remus smiled. “Happy almost-birthday. Anyway, the bowl is mostly cool now, so we’re going to add all that flour in here—yep, thanks, bud—and then a half-packet of yeast so it gets fluffy.”
“Why isn’t Sirius doing this? He’s better at baking than you are.”
“Wow.”
“He is!”
“You’re not getting a single bite of this frosting.”
“Don’t hide from the truth.”
Remus shook his head at the camera. “This was supposed to be a cute family bonding video. I’m going to mix this now, because apparently I suck at any kind of baking more complicated than that.”
“I didn’t say that, I just asked why Sirius isn’t doing the stuff he likes doing.”
Remus turned the hand-mixer to a lower, quieter setting and rested his hip against the edge of the counter. “How often does Sirius voluntarily get in front of a camera?”
Julian inhaled, then faltered with a grimace. “Hmm. Yeah. Never mind. He’s still better at it than you are.”
“You’re still not getting frosting.” Remus clicked the mixer a notch higher. “We’re keeping this at a pretty low setting so the dough stays soft, and we’re only going to let it run until the dough is one big lump. Now that that’s together, we’re turning the mixer off and covering the bowl with a towel for about five minutes while we get our sugar, salt, and softened butter ready.”
The camera cut briefly; when it returned, Julian was scraping fine crystals off the countertop into a towel Remus was holding over the edge. “Slight problem,” Julian said through a laugh. “Uh, we got a little bit excited about the sugar.”
“Oh, god, it’s getting all over the floor—” Remus straightened slightly and whistled. “Hattie! Treats!”
The house was silent for a moment before the sound of skittering paws reached the camera. Both Remus and Julian broke into wide grins, and Julian dusted his hands onto the floor so he could reach down and pet the pointed ears just barely visible over the counter edge. “Hi, baby,” he cooed, leaning over until he was mostly out of frame. “Aw, little vacuum cleaner. Is sugar bad for dogs?”
“She has eaten so much worse.” The inky tip of Hattie’s tail was the happiest metronome in the world while Remus dumped a small container of salt and sugar into the dough. “We’re going to blend this until the dough gets stretchy instead of lumpy, still on low speed, and—hi, honey, I don’t have anything in my pockets. I promise. No, you can’t eat my keys. There’s definitely still some stuff on the floor for you, though.”
A black nose appeared by Julian’s knee and he giggled as it wandered down the side of his pants, honing in on each pocket. Hattie sneezed when she reached his sock and gave the hem of his pantleg a light nibble. Julian beamed up at Remus. “Can I bring her home with me?”
“If you steal my dog, I’m donating you to Goodwill. Okay, this is going to go for about twenty minutes and they’re definitely going to speed that up in editing, so here’s the rundown: mix this for 20 minutes, add your butter in tablespoon chunks, mix it until the dough is soft, then let it sit on your counter for an hour before putting it in the fridge.”
“Why don’t we just put it right in the fridge?”
“Because the yeast would die.”
Julian’s eyes went wide. “Yeast is alive?”
--
The kitchen was much brighter when the video returned—the new camera angle allowed sunlight to stream in through the side window unhindered, as well as giving an unobstructed view of Hattie on the floor by Remus’ slipper-clad feet. Her yawn squeaked, pink tongue lolling, but her full attention was fixed on the activity above.
“It’s about eight in the morning now, hence the pajamas,” Remus informed the camera. “I took the dough out of the fridge about ten minutes ago, and you can see it’s close to doubled in size.”
Julian gave the bowl a mournful look. The cowlick on the side of his head matched Remus’ with frightening accuracy. “How long is this going to take?”
“You can go back to sleep once it goes in the oven. We’re going to do the filling right now, though.” Remus held a hand out; Julian passed him a crinkly plastic cracker sleeve. “These are airplane cookies. Or biscotti, or whatever the fancy name is. They have cinnamon roll spices in them because I’m too lazy to track down all the individual bottles from the spice cabinet this early. You can probably find them in the recipe. I don’t know. You can crush them in a food processor if you want to wake up your entire family, or you can just use a rolling pin.”
Remus set the sleeve of cookies on the countertop and handed over the rolling pin—one half-started “wait” and an enormous THUD later, both of them were frozen, staring at the ruptured end of the plastic sleeve where shards of cinnamon cookie had burst forth.
“Oops,” Julian whispered.
“Or,” Remus began. “You can give your little brother a rolling pin and kill two birds with one stone.”
“…my bad.”
Remus glanced at the ceiling. They were silent for a handful of seconds. “Honestly, dude, I don’t think anyone noticed.”
Julian muffled a laugh in the crook of his elbow and Remus turned away for a moment to compose himself, filling the kitchen with quiet snickering as Hattie cleaned up the few crumbs that had fallen onto the floor by her paws. Finally, Julian picked up the rolling pin and began gingerly crushing the rest of the cookies. “I’m gonna keep going until it’s kinda powdery, I think.”
“Good plan.” Remus shot a quick, small smile at the camera while he watched Julian work, brow creasing with the effort. “We’ve got a stick and a half of soft butter here when you’re ready.”
It didn’t take long; Julian carefully poured the crushed cookie into a bowl and folded the butter through with a faintly rainbow-tinted spatula. Remus took a pan from the ever-shrinking pile of dishes beside them and lined it with parchment paper, ripping the edges so they would fold nicely in the corners.
“Kay.” Julian tilted his head at the filling and nodded. “It’s smooth.”
“Sick. Scootch over, I’ll roll this out.” Remus tossed a small handful of flour onto the countertop before dumping the dough out, dropping a playful elbow to Julian’s side. “Ope, sorry.”
“You’re so mean to me.”
“Whatever. We’re going to make this into a rectangle so it’s easier, and it should be fine for rolling because it was in the fridge all night. I’m going to flatten this until it’ll fit in the pan. It’ll be…an inch thick? Half an inch, maybe? And then Jules, you’re gonna spread the filling over it.”
Julian frowned. “We’re cooking it flat?”
“What? Why would we do that?”
“You said it should be the length of the pan.”
“Yeah, so that all the pieces will fit.”
“Oh. That makes more sense.”
“We’re not making cinnamon pita.”
Julian tipped his head back and forth. “Doesn’t sound bad, actually.”
“You’re eleven, you’re basically a garbage disposal.”
“I’m basically twelve.”
“Three days.”
“Ugh, you’re so annoying.”
Despite the back-and-forth, Julian tucked himself close to Remus’ side while Remus rolled the dough into an even rectangle, and spread the filling across it with intense focus. “Leave a little space on the sides to roll it up,” Remus suggested gently. Julian’s tongue poked out at the corner as he scraped the edge clean and gave a last sweep with the spatula before leaning away.
“Good?”
“Perfect.” Remus loosened the edge closest to him and began to roll it up with steady, methodical hands. “You want to go slow with this part, or else it won’t spiral. And once we get it to the end here, we’re going make sure it’s all nice and even before cutting. Uh, I’m using unflavored dental floss right now because that’s what I have, but you can use string or whatever. If you use a knife, you might squish the inside and get a wonky shape.”
“Dad uses fishing line.”
“Mhmm.” Their concentrated frowns matched while Remus slid the floss beneath the roll and wrapped it around, allowing the floss to slice cleanly through the dough. Julian buried a yawn in Remus’ shoulder and gave a slow, sleepy blink. Once the rolls were cut, they filled the parchment-lined pan to the edges. Remus cracked his knuckles and looked up at the camera. “We’re going to take a quick breakfast break while these double in size, and I’ll put them in the oven at 350 degrees for 15 minutes after that. We’ll see you for the frosting!”
“Your TV voice is weird.”
“Your TV voice is weird,” Remus mimicked, prodding him until Julian hopped off his stool with a laugh. “Go eat your Cheerios.”
The video sped through their break—Remus collected a few items from the fridge and returned to the counter to mix a handful of ingredients into a bowl. The pan steamed, the coffeepot bubbled, and Hattie waited dutifully by his side for her allotted bits of ham, hand-fed alongside a few Cheerios from Julian. The rolls went in and came out without a fuss as Remus finished the scramble and smiled to someone off-screen.
“Frosting,” he announced when the video returned to normal speed. “Super easy. Cream cheese, powdered sugar, vanilla. Mix it up, then add a stick of butter, because this recipe is delicious and also personally clogs your arteries. Jules, touch the rolls for me.”
“Why?”
“To check if they’re cooled down.”
“But they might be hot.”
“Right, which is why I’m making you do it.”
Julian scrunched his nose at him, but gave the rolls a tentative poke. “They’re fine.”
“Sweet.” Remus tugged the pan to the middle of their workspace and scooped a lump of frosting into the center. Overall, it kept its shape as he slathered it to each edge and corner. Julian gave an expectant look; Remus paused, but scraped the last bits off the sides of the bowl and handed the laden spatula to him with an affectionate roll of his eyes. “Don’t tell mom.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jules said around a mouthful of thick sugar.
Remus pushed the rolls toward the camera with a smile that dimpled one cheek. “That’s all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed making cinnamon rolls with us, or at least enjoyed seeing the real star of the show—”
“Me.”
“—Hattie. Make sure to tune in for our home game in Gryff tomorrow night!"
#remus lupin#julian lupin#hattie#sweater weather#vaincre#lumosinlove#my fic#fanfic#social media#baking#lion pride#fluff
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Is it just me or does this man give off MAD Captain Sirius Black vibes?? Yes? no? maybe? idk, I had to tell someone… or someones I guess?
Also Remus TOTALLY took these ones:
https://instagram.com/tylerhayek?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
(@lumosinlove i love and appreciate u immensely)
#lumosinlove#oknutzy#sirius black#remus lupin#logan tremblay#leo knut#finn o'hara#coops#vaincre#sweater weather#kasey winter
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O’Knutzy Week Day Two!!
Gardening Leo! A picture taken by Finn to be sent to Logan who will 100% die at how cute Leo looks with overalls 🪴
Characters belong to the lovely @lumosinlove and again big thanks to @oknutzyweek2023 for organizing
#lumosinlove#sweater weather#coast to coast#logan tremblay#finn o'hara#leo knut#oknutzy week 2023#o’knutzy#vaincre
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Hearts and Homes
Pairing: O'Knutzy
Rating: General Audiences
Summary: Leo is home for Christmas with his boys and his mother has given them the very important job of helping her make Christmas cookies. Something feels different, though.
CW for holiday and food mentions
Thank you to the wonderful @lumosinlove for creating these characters!
Leo's childhood home was warm around this time of year. Warm in the way the incandescent bulbs threw a soft glow across rooms (The LEDS just aren't the same Le), warm from the coastal breeze fluttering through windows, but mostly warm because of preheating ovens.
His mother had gone all out again this year. Every year since Leo could hold a wooden spoon, Eloise Knut had him mixing cookie dough. The only difference this year was the amount of bakers.
Finn and Leo bobbed amongst a sea of cookie trays covering kitchen counters. Finn was in the ugliest Christmas sweater one could find, and Logan kept making little disgusted faces every time the blinking Santa Claus on said sweater broke into another verse of Jingle Bells. Though, Lohan did have flour on his face that Finn had yet to mention, so, payback.
His mother hummed along to the radio as she tossed even more ingredients into the Kitchen Aid. It all felt familiar to Leo; it was home after all, but he couldn't shake a small desire in the back of his mind for snowfall behind the New York City skyline and Canadian cabins up to their eaves in snow. It was an adjustment, to say the least, not a bad one, just one he hadn't been expecting.
"What's going on in that head of yours, Pumpkin?"
Leo snapped his head up from where he had been staring intently at a sheet of dough rolled out on the counter.
"It's warm."
"It is not! It's fifty degrees out; got out my thick socks for today."
Leo gave his mother a cheeky look.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that," Finn said. He was on oven duty and strictly oven duty. Logan was allowed to touch the dough under supervision. He was currently attempting to cut little gingerbread men that looked like the three of them. It was cute. It made something settle right behind Leo's sternum.
"Oh, like you have anything to talk about." Logan poked Finn in the chest with a whisk.
"I'll have you know, NYC winters–!"
"So, it's warm." Leo turned back to Eloise as Finn and Logan devolved into increasingly nonsensical bickering.
"Yeah. It's warm."
Eloise gave him a look like she already had it all figured out. She probably did.
"Oh, he's gone all northern on me already. Wistfully dreaming of a white Christmas in the New Orleans sun. The best I have is confetti pumpkin; hope it's enough."
Leo laughed, and his mother smiled. He was seven years old again, stealing chocolate chips off the counter, laughing when he got caught, his mother laughing too.
They settled into a bout of comfortable silence after that. Something was still niggling at the back of Leo's mind, though.
"It's just…"
Eloise looked up, now rolling out her famous peppermint mocha cookie dough.
"Yes?"
"This is home."
"Yes."
"This has always been my home."
"...Yes."
"It's not like it doesn't feel like home this time. It's just that…"
Eloise looked at him and smiled that knowing smile.
"What?"
Eloise shrugged. "Didn't say anything."
"You're up to something."
"I am! I'm making cookies!"
"Mama."
Eloise chuckled. "You're in love, sweetheart."
"...Okay? But-"
"Oh, sugar, it's simple. Home isn't really a place. It's just love." She picked up a silver cookie cutter and started pressing out shapes. "So, in that way, New Orleans is home because it's where Dad and I's love for you lives."
The radio across the kitchen slowly faded to the next song.
I'll be home for Christmas…
"A home, by the way, that you will continue to visit periodically til the end of time. I'll create new holidays to celebrate if I have to-"
"Of course, I'll always come back, Mama."
Eloise patted his cheek with a floury hand. "Anyways, but New Orleans isn't the only place where love for you lives anymore, is it?" She tilted her head towards where Logan was taking pictures of Finn attempting to balance spoons on his nose.
"And the people that hold that love for you, bless their heart, love the cold and snow. And so, home now isn't just the New Orleans sun. It's a little colder."
Leo could almost feel things finally slot into place in his mind. They had always been there, the strings that tugged his heart North, South, and East. He had always thought one direction would win out, but he was wrong. They enabled his heart to stretch farther across state lines and biomes, rivers and lakes, cities and farms. Home had just gotten bigger, stretching out its limbs, settling into the comfort of having more room to breathe.
Leo held back a few wayward tears that threatened to well up.
"I miss thirty-degree weather," he said with shock and awe.
Eloise shook her head. "Lord, help us."
Leo laughed at the same time a telltale Ding! sounded from the oven.
"The cookies!" Finn yelped before putting on comically large oven mitts and racing towards the oven. He took out a tray of sugar cookies and started to place them on the wire racks. Logan wandered over to where Leo was working and rested his head on Leo's shoulder.
"What are we talking about?"
"The cold."
"Oh! We should absolutely ask Noelle if she'd be up to trade weeks for the family cabin next month. Maybe we could go ice fishing."
Leo looked at his mother.
"Don't look at me, you picked him."
Leo trembled with barely contained laughter.
"Quoi? It will be fun, Soleil, I promise."
Finn walked over, making little Ah! Ooh! noises as he gently tossed a cookie back and forth between both hands.
"Here, Le, taste. We need to know if it's Knapproved."
Leo leaned forward and took a bite out of the same sugar cookie his mother had been baking since he could talk, but it tasted a little different this time.
It still tasted like boat rides and summer heat, but it also tasted like peppermint tea and long drives. It tasted like sleepy mornings and playoff wins and bookshops. It tasted like something impossible. It tasted like the simplest thing on Earth.
Even though Leo's love stretched across country borders, it somehow managed to all fit in that small kitchen then, tucked into the corners and squeaky cabinets.
"It's good."
#lumosinlove#fanfic#fluff#boys in love#o'knutzy#coast to coast fanfic#coast to coast#sweater weather fanfic#sweater weather#vaincre fanfic#vaincre#leo knut#logan tremblay#finn o'hara#eloise knut#christmas#christmas cookies#baking#domestic fluff#slice of life#fanfiction#original fanfiction
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instagram
Pascal about Sirius and Logan w the baby Dumais!!!! Come onnn
@lumosinlove
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Happiest of birthday to our dear Knutty. This year, I imagine he's dragged Finn and Logan camping and it's a great idea until rain starts falling...and just doesn't stop. It's cold and it's wet and it's going to get dark soon and there's no way they are getting the tent set up or a fire going. Car camping it is.
They manage to find a rundown looking cafe that Logan is convinced is going to be the last place they ever visit because they are going to be murdered, but Finn can charm anybody and the grumpy old lady inside is no different.
The furniture is 1000 years old, and there's a layer of dust on tall bookshelves that line the walls that doesn't look like it's been disturbed in about as long. The tables however are pristine.
There's no menus, just a chalkboard with delicate handwriting that looks out of place amongst the rest of the rundown interior.
Egg, bacon and cheese sandwich $5
Chocolate pie $3.75
Coffee $2
They order 3 of everything and Peggy (the grumpy old lady) points them to one of five tables. They try not to out themselves - rural new york isn't exactly known for being a beacon of liberalism - but they're out of practice and it's not long before an endearment slips out. All three of them pause, time seeming to stop until Peggy chuckles and shakes her head. "I'm 82 years old, there's nothing you could do I ain't seen. Besides, my Jason, he's one of you lot. And I'll tell you what I told him, there's food for everybody here. Everybody."
They're not sure if it's because they are cold and hungry, or if the sandwiches are truly as sublime as they taste right now. The coffee is thick and dark and slightly burnt and fantastic.
Peggy takes a shine to Logan, piling another sandwich onto his plate with a rare smile when he asks. She finds out it's Leo's birthday and there's a great clattering in the kitchen before she returns with a slice of pie, a single candle in the middle.
It's not exactly the birthday Leo expected, but it's pretty darn good nevertheless
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