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retroellie · 3 years

Note

(I love your work btw!!! 🥺💕) Can you make an imagine where the reader is cooking dinner for Ellie, but then Ellie starts feeling a bit needy for the reader while watching her cook, and ends up roughly fucking her on the kitchen counter, which leads to the food being burnt and they end up getting takeout instead? 😩

Summary: Cooking dinner until Ellie gets a nasty idea

A/N: I promised more farm!ellie so here ya go. Thank you for the request love <3 Thank you for enjoying and i know you said take out but like i started writing and was like oh shit they meant modern world, so i completely forgot im sorry AHSJA. Anyways mom!ellie

Warnings: NSFW, Strap-on, Fingering, Pregnant sex

Word count: 3.7K

"Shit." Ellie huffed, shutting the heavy door to the barn.

There was so much work still needed to do on the farm, the hen shed needed to be built still so for now they were spread out across the barn and the cows pen needed to be expanded. There was so much left to do and ellie was nervous y'all might not get it done by the time winter got here.

She had been out there all day working on getting all the animals comfortable in their new homes, the pigs being the hardest. As of right now though the sun was beginning to set and Ellie was starving. You had gone in not too long ago because you were becoming overheated, not well for the baby in your belly.

Ellie walked through the field, seeing how pretty the house looked in the sunset light. All the pretty oranges and reds spread across the wood of the house, she wished she had her sketchbook so she could get down the quick picture before it left her brain.

She reached the house, taking her shoes off so she didn't get mud on the floor. She could hear faint sounds of music, if she was real quiet she could hear you humming along with it. She smiled at the peacefulness she felt right now, suddenly all the stresses she had about the barn vanished. Suddenly she thought the barn was a great idea, if this was how it would be all the time then she could die a happy woman.

She set her shoes next to yours, taking one good look at the fields before going in. The sun buried itself behind the hills, casting a glow on the flowing laundry allowing her to see small peaks of the barn. She couldn't wait for the kid to be running through here, she could see it now. She could see herself running after the kid, small laughs coming from the both of them.... her kid. The thought made her smile.

She finally opened the screen door, the smell of dinner filling the air around her. That's when she saw in the dim light of the candle filled room, you in the middle of it all. You were dressed in a cute little cottage dress that you were given at the baby shower, and one of the women of the town made it for you.

You were making something on the stove, not noticing her presence until the screen door slammed behind her. You jumped slightly, the perks of living in a post-apocalyptic world. You gave a small smile when you realized it was her before averting your eyes to the pot in front of you.

Ellie placed her things down on the small table by your back door, her eyes glued to you. She made her way over to you, seeing a cookbook opened right next to you. There were so many types of vegetables out along with some bread and meat. You always did know how to surprise her with your old world cookbook.

"Long day at work Mrs. Williams?" You smiled, teasing her a bit.

"Long and hard, Mrs. Williams." She came up behind you, placing her large hands on your hips.

She swayed a bit to the music, watching you stir the food in the pot. You smiled at her sudden affection, the feeling of her hands gripping softly at your waist making you blush slightly. One of her hands made its way to your belly, noticing how much bigger it had gotten since y'all moved here.

"How are my girls doing?" She asked, caressing your stomach softly.

When you guys first found this place you were only a couple weeks along, not even 9 weeks along. Now you're almost 6 months old, you have gotten bigger and bigger. Your glow had only increased as well, you looked really good and really happy as well. Most nights were better than others obviously, the paranoia and depression of the outside world can be hard especially on a pregnant woman.

"We're doing okay, she's a little shit and won't settle down but hopefully food will calm her down." You replied, watching as the broth bubbled.

You could feel Ellie's grin on your neck, kisses halting for only a minute just to look down at the bubbles as well. It looked like chicken noodle soup but Ellie couldn't be sure. Her hands continued to caress your belly, feeling as the baby moved around. She will never get used to that, the feeling of a baby in your stomach.

She was dragged out of her thoughts when you turned your head to connect your lips together. She was caught off guard but happily moved her lips to yours, one hand still sitting on your hip and the other slightly pushing you back to rest yourself on her chest. You chuckled into the kiss, pushing her away slightly with your butt.

"Honey, I love you but you smell like a pig pen..." You joked, turning back to the oven. "Go get cleaned up for dinner, it has another 20 or 30 minutes left."

She laughed, stepping away from you for the first time since she came into the house. She gave your ass a soft smack before trailing herself up stairs. You let out a surprised yelp, giggling as you watched her walk to the doorway and stop in her tracks.

"behave yourself while i'm upstairs... You think you can do that?" She joked, giving you a small grin.

"Ugh that'll be impossible...how could I behave myself when I know you're washing pig shit off your hands just up the stairs." You joked back.

Ellie chuckled and made her way upstairs, jogging up the stairs and into your bedroom. It didn't take much to get cleaned up, she just changed into a plain white shirt and some random pair of jeans she found on the dresser.

While she was placing her dirty clothes into the hamper she caught a glimpse of one of your guys toys. It was a strap on, it was one you used often but it worked for the two of you. That's when the best idea came to her, she didn't hesitate in grabbing the strap on. She put it on tightly so it wouldn't fall off.

When she was comfortable with it, not too tight and not too loose she pulled up her jeans. It wasn't too noticeable, the strap was mostly folded in between her legs so it didn't show through her jeans. She smiled at her nasty idea before walking back down stairs, seeing you in the same position you were before. This time your eyebrows were knitted together in frustration, licking your lips which sent tingles through ellie.

She went back to the same position she was at only minutes before her nasty idea, but this time her hands roughly grabbed at you. There was a slight change in her presence than the last time, it was once innocent and peaceful but now it was like a lion staring down its prey.

Her lips were once again attached to your neck, hands bunching up your dress slightly. The roughness distracted you a bit, not expecting her mood to change within seconds. One of her hands was slowly making its way under your dress, giving you only a split second to realize what she was going.

You didn't know if it was you being pregnant or what but you were almost immediately putty in her hands, in between your legs already called for her. Her hand was slowly running up your thigh, no time was waiting.

"Ellie... I have to make dinner!" You stated, hand grabbing on to the counter for leverage.

"You said 20 minutes right??" She asked, watching as you gave her a small nod. "I can make you cum at least 3 times before...."

Those words made you weak, you could feel the wet spot on your underwear grow more and more. Ellie sucked and bit at your neck, leaving small bruises. Her hand made it all the way to your thigh, feeling the wet spot. She gave a cocky grin, knowing she was the one doing that.

"Besides, dinner can wait..." She paused, moving her hand that rested on your waist to your chest, grabbing at your flesh softly. " Well, you pussy seems to think so." She teased.

You let out a small groan, letting go of the spoon you had been holding too grab at her hand that was grabbing at your boobs. You usually would give her a hard time, tease her as much as she teases you but right now... your hormones were everywhere and your body was so different than it was, you just couldn't fight back your desire for her.

She took a few steps back, taking you back with her so you were safely away from the stove before moving your panties to the side. She started off small with her movements, placing two fingers on your clit, circling them around to send small moments of pleasure to your core.

You moaned into the air, the increased sensitivity of your body changing made the movements feel more intense than they once were. Your head moved back to capture her lips in a kiss, while her fingers worked on the little bud between your folds.

The kiss was passionate, no teeth clashing or sloppy tongue action but like two puzzle pieces being perfect for each other. Your head craned back, wanting more of her lips and you were honestly afraid of breaking your neck but it just felt so good.

Ellie's hand on your chest pulled down your dress, releasing our boobs into the cold air. She was just able to pull it down to your waist but that was enough access for her. She grabbed at one of your boobs, playing with the sensitive nipple.

She watched as you gasped into her mouth, eyes slightly rolling back into your head. She took that as a cue to shove two fingers inside of you, thumb still rubbing at your clit. You couldn't last too much longer and she knew it, everything felt so different from your not pregnant body so she had to treat it differently.

Your walls immediately clamped around her finger, the knot in your body ready to explode. You grabbed on to her, one hand on her arm and the other moving back to grab her thigh to balance yourself. It all happened so fast and you didn't even know it was happening until waves of pleasure were sent all over your body and your juice dripped onto ellies hand.

Some strangled moans left your mouth, as your body felt like it was on fire and your stomach did twist and turns. You tried to catch your breath, wincing as Ellie took her fingers out of you. Ellie allowed you to slowly come down from you high, knowing she was not done with you yet.

"Sorry I came so fast...." You breathed out, moving to fix your dress back before Ellie pulled you back to her.

"Who said I'm done with you.." She spoke, moving her hand down to her jeans before pulling out the strap.

You gasped at the feeling of it, feeling it hit your lower back. You couldn't help but feel pathetic at the fact you were still so fucking horny even though you already came once, you felt greedy but you ddin't care.

"I said 3 times right?" She spoke, not asking but telling you.

You bit your lip at the tone of her voice, feeling your cunt flutter and drip onto your now soaked underwear. Your cheeks were red along with the flush skin of your chest from Ellie grabbing at your tender boobs.

Ellie pulled you closer to her, standing you still while she pulled your dress all the way down to your ankles. The feeling of her being fully dressed and you being completely naked, the degradation of it making your legs shake more than they already were. You were in nothing but your underwear that were pushed to the side and ellies hands settling down on your hips.

Ellie spread your legs a tad, moving a finger to slide through your folds. You winced a tad, overstimulated slightly but so ready to be fucked once again. Ellie got you nice and wet, lining up the strap to your puffy folds.

"Do you need anything? Water? Or do you want to sit down? i co..." She started but wasn't able to finish her sentence

"Jesus Christ ellie just fuck me already." You interrupted, moving your hips back to try to fuck yourself on the strap.

Ellie chuckled but you didn't have to tell her twice, she slowly inserted the strap but that wasn't until you moved your hips back and forth. The action of you fucking yourself on the strap made her stumble back slightly, hitting the sink so her back was flush against it.

You didn't have a set speed, you sped up and then slowed down just whatever felt the best at the moment. Ellie watched as you sunk down onto it, watching it go in and out of you. She was getting a little antsy, wanting to thrust in and out of you while holding you down on the cabinet.

Oh how she wanted to fuck you so hard, but you were fragile at the moment so she let you take your time. Instead she placed her hands on your hips, helping you push your weight onto her. Your thighs were burning, the way you had to push yourself back onto her gave you a legit work out.

You held onto Ellie’s hands, forcing your body back down onto her. You could feel yourself inching closer and closer each thrust, each thrust also came more frustration on your part. The feeling of running after an orgasm but not being fit enough to reach it out made you wanna scream.

You hair was falling in front of your face as you leaned over to try to fuck yourself harder on the strap, trying to get at the best angle as well. You were just genuinely uncomfortable but so motivated to get off that you didn’t care that your body was hurting.

Ellie noticed the tension in your body, feeling your frustration as you desperately tried to get off. That’s when she stepped in, stopping you for a minute to lean you on the cabinet next to her. Only your chest on the cabinet, your elbows holding you up.

“Lemme take care of you hun...” she started, lining the strap back up. “Just sit back and look pretty for me okay.”

She took home on your hips once more and dove back into you, hitting an angle that you wanted to get too but couldn’t. She went at the same pace as before, rough and hard but taking small breaks in between to check if you were hurting.

You grabbed onto the counter with dear life, the cold counter against your flush skin making you shiver slightly. She was prominent and very skilled, feeling every single inch of the strap inside of you.

“Fuck... Ellie... I-“ you could feel yourself clamping around her, your walls fluttering and tensing up ready to release.

She knew you could last longer, your strangled groans and small cruises dropped hints to her. Her twisted a hand in your hair, something she knew you liked, pulling it slightly while you thrust your hips back to hers.

You lifted yourself off the counter now holding yourself up with your hands, holding yourself as steady as you possibly could for Ellie. You could feel it rip through your body. You jerked your body flush against Ellie’s, back all the way pressed against her chest.

Ellie snaked a hand to your boobs and the other drawing soft circles in your clit. You threw your head onto her shoulder, mouth shaped into an O shape as you came with a loud moan.

“Come on baby.... cum on my cock..” she whispered, thrusting her hips into you harshly.

You were seeing stars at this point, holding on to Ellie for dear life as she fucked you through your orgasm. Ellie kissed up your jaw, catching your lips into a kiss while slowing down her movement. Your body had stopped jerking only to be left legit shaking.

Ellie pulled the strap out of you, still holding you up with one hand. You were out of breath, shaking violently in her arms as she comforted you back into your body. She moved a hand through your hair, peppering your neck with kisses as you slowly came back to your body.

“Do you need anything?” She whispered, pressing a small kiss to the shell of your ear.

You turned around in her arms, bringing her into a kiss. Your hands immediately made their way into her hair, her hands absentmindedly went to your hips. It had got a cold in the house but you both were heated up.

“I’m okay Ellie, the baby's good, I’m not thirsty, I don’t need to sit...” you said, knowing exactly the same questions she would ask. It warmed your heart to see she cared but holy shit you were so wound up. “I was promised 3 orgasms.... so please just shut up and fuck me.”

That was so fucking hot to her, you taking what you wanted without a care in the world was something she couldn’t handle. She brought you into a sloppy kiss, holding your head in place as she walked you back into the counter.

She pressed you against the counter, leg up against your bare cunt that was so overstimulated right now but you somehow wanted more. She lifted one of your legs up around her waist and you helped do the other until you were fully seated on the counter.

Your legs dangled down, spread wide open so Ellie could place herself in between them comfortably. Her hands sat on your thighs, squeezing both of them softly. Your hands wrapped around her neck, bringing her so close to you.

This is what heaven would feel like if there was one, fucking on the counter of your dream farmhouse while pregnant with Ellie’s child (Figuratively). It’s what pure light and sweet dreams felt like wrapped in one.

You wrapped your legs around Ellie’s waist, hinting at wanting her to fuck you finally. Ellie lined it up with your cunt, running it up and down your slit a few times before pushing it all the way in.

You gasped at the feeling of being filled to the brim once more, throwing your head back onto the cabinet as Ellie thrust in and out of you at an animalistic pace.

Ellie watched as your back arched up, causing your boobs to bounce every single thrust. This view made her mouth water, you being fucked under candle light. She leaned down to attach her lip to one of your boobs.

You grabbed a fist full of her hair to keep her there for a moment, feeling pleasure from two sensitive areas of your body could send you flying off the edge once more. You let multiple moans out, one after the other.

The house was full of them, bouncing off every wall until they made it back to Ellie’s ears. Ellie went deeper, trying to hit that spot that made you see stars. Ellie watched as your eyebrows knitted together, head pointed up to the ceiling as your mouth formed an O once more.

You were once again so close, tired walls fluttering against the strap. Your overstimulated cunt burning at the sensation of another earth shattering orgasm. Ellie lifted her head up to coax you through it, leaving sloppy open mouth kisses on your fully exposed neck.

“Come on baby, cum on my cock one more time....” she encouraged you, speeding up once more. “I know you can do it, make that pretty little cunt cum all over my cock huh.”

Those dirty words, words that made your body tingle every time you heard them. You grabbed onto Ellie once again, squeezing her hand as the knot in your stomach finally snapped once again.

You could feel how your juices spilled all over the counter, probably making a big wet mess. Pleasure courses through your body, making you jerk violently. Your nails dug into Ellie roughly, most likely leaving bruises.

Ellie once again fucked you through your orgasm but slowed down slightly, kissing up your neck. Your entire body collapsed, no more strength to try to get down.

You could smell the burning of your soup, the awful smell wafting through the air. It had been a little over 20 minutes, probably more than 30 minutes even. It was slightly bright outside when you started but now it was pitch black, candles were the only thing lighting your way.

Ellie planted another kiss on your lips, caressing your belly to comfort you. You kissed back, just wanting to go to bed at this point.

“Well the soup is burnt... So what do you wanna do for dinner??” You asked, looking at how the soup smoked.

Ellie looked back as well, seeing as it was literally almost black. She chuckled a bit, turning back to you and shrugging.

“I mean we have left over cake from the baby shower.... can't let it go to waste.” She said, watching as you gave her a big grin.

“Hmmm... I think you sound much better than cake.” You joked, well it really wasn’t a joke. You just came 3 times and she at least deserved to get eaten out.

“I swear you got knocked up and now you're just a little horn dog.” Ellie rolled her eyes, slipping out of you before handing you your dress.

“Hey corn dogs kinda sounds good??” You joked, hopping down from the cabinet almost falling down on your way.

“You are too much.” She laughed, pulling you back into a quick kiss.

You wrapped your arms around her neck once more, smiling into the kiss as her hands roamed down you your ass giving it a quick squeeze.

"Well cake and burnt vegetables for dinner i guess." You sighed out, between kisses.

The only thing y'all will be eating tonight is each other at this point.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fanfic #tlou ellie #ellie williams #the last of us part two #the last of us x reader #the last of us pt ii #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #the last of us #mom!ellie

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kiegosbby · 3 years

Note

Hi, can you do a continuation of the Hawks x Clingy Reader? Maybe where she stops being as clingy with him and he notices this. Thank you :)

ofc, and guys I’m sorry that the parts where the characters in my story apologizing arnt great, I’m a angst person, and that’s because I’ve only ever dealt with those kinds of situations. I’ve never “made up” with someone. I’m sorry and if you have suggestions please lmk

Tagged everyone who wanted a part 2!

✁- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

after that day, I guess things were never really the same..

that day you had walked all the way home, and you had to wait hours before he even came back.

when he had walked through the door, he opened his arms ready for your hugs, but was meant with cold air.

he looked around in confusion, looking in the kitchen then walking to the living room before he made his way to your shared room, hearing the shower running

that easied his worry’s, and he went to bed soon after.

but in your head, you were purposely avoiding him. you heard him walking down the hallway to your apartment and quickly hopped in the shower to avoid him.

after you got out you walked into your shared room and found him soundly asleep.

tch

at least someone was content.

that night you slept on the couch.

but you had just fell asleep watching tv right?

sounded right to him.

so it was no suprise when he was sent on another week long mission, giving you a quick kiss and hug goodbye.

finally you were alone.

—

that was a long week, for both of you.

it was one of the roughest missions he had been on for a while, it messed him up physically and mentally

for you, it was a week of isolation and sadness

you had barely moved from your spot on the couch, only leaving for work and getting up for the bathroom

you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep in your shared bed- it felt off.

it felt like a piece of you was missing.

but you had to do this for him

you had to be the girl he wanted or the love of your life would leave.

you knew there was many other girls he could have, all better than you. So that’s why you had to be your best for him

when the week came to a end, you quickly cleaned your mess from living on the couch, and began cleaning your shared apartment

as soon as you finished and finally sat down, cue the door being unlocked

you stayed seated on the couch, when you heard the door open you turned and gave a quick greeting, before helping him with his bags and going into the kitchen

his eyes were on you the whole time, watching your every move

god why did he have to make it so obvious

you were trying so hard to just not touch him, when he walked through the door his body tensed immediately- you were guessing from you jumping him so many times as he came through it

but now he was just watching you- you thought he had figured out what you were doing

god you needed to get away

he had just came back and you were already leaving

You put a jacket on quickly and grabbed your purse

“I’m gonna go get groceries for dinner. I’ll be back”

hawks watched as you opened the door, slamming it as you left

why were you doing this to him?

how did you go from clingy and lovey to.. so distant?

he dragged himself into your shared room to get clothes for a shower before you came back, going into the closet and grabbing whatever he saw

it was as he was walking out of the room when it hit him

he stopped in his tracks and quickly turned around look at your shared bed

it looked exactly the same as he had left it

not touched, it even looked like your spot in the bed had inflated

there was always a dent in where you slept. it showed you slept there even when he was gone

he quickly walked into the living room, looking around when his eyes stopped on the couch

there was a you sized dent, with extra blankets and pillows on the couch

that was when it hit him

he had to have done something so horrible for you to not even want to be reminded of him and sleep in the same bed

he dragged himself to the bathroom, turning the water warm and taking his clothes off

as he was letting the water warm up he started to think about your actions the past weeks, and noticed it changed after that day

it had been such a rough day for him- there was a terrible villain that said such vulgar things about you. he hated that people knew about your relationship, anyone and everyone knowing his weakness

the only reason he was acting different, was because he hated that he loved you

he hated how his body loved your touch

how it waited, restlessly all day for you

hated how you were his medicine

you cured him from the sick world he lived in

he felt steam hitting him from the warm water, and he opened the curtain stepping him

as he reached for his shampoo he grabbed it and squirted a little in his hand, and as he turned around to put it back, he saw your shelf

where you had dozens of bottles

where you used to

the shelf was empty

he quickly showered and got out, running to the guest bathroom

he threw the curtain open, and saw all of your bottles there. he turned around opening the cabinet that kept the towels

As he opened it he saw towels, and on top he saw your favorite towel

you always used that when you had showered

why were you doing this to him?

it was like you two weren’t even together

it was like you were nothing but roommates

you even greeted him as a roommate

no “I love you” or hugs and kisses

as he was thinking he heard the door open, the sound of grocerie bags in tow with heavy foot steps

he walked over to the door and helped you bring them in

when you were both finished he sat down at the counter, watching as you prepared dinner

your eyes were red and puffy, as soon as you had left you broke down in tears

this obviously didn’t go unnoticed

“y/n”

“yea?”

there was a moment of silence before you heard his voice

“are you going to break up with me?”

his voice sounded broken, like someone had just killed his favorite puppy in front of him

you had stopped your movements, setting down the spoon you had in your hand

you turned around and looked at him

as your eyes meant his, you saw tears falling from his eyes. actual tears

out of all the years you’ve known keigo, he had never cried

“no..why do you think that?”

his sadness slightly faded into anger as you said that

“Why would I think that? Are you serious..? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? Our bed hasn’t been touched since I left, the couch has a fucking dent in it. You moved all your shower shit into a different bathroom! you barely touch me anymore.. you haven’t even said you loved me. At all..” his voice had gone to a quiet tone off at the end, he sounded broken.

you quickly walked around the counter, pulling him into a hug

you held him tightly, close to you as he cried and held onto you like you would disappear

“please don’t leave me y-your all I have” his voice hiccuped as he cried

“I’m so sorry, I won’t ever leave you. just promise me you won’t leave me either,?”

he pulled away and looked up at you

“I promise”

“I love you keigo”

“I love you to y/n”

—

@kookiedamonster @hawksexual @im-alyssa-btw @lovely-angst @5sausefandom @yoonbbyboy

#bnha fanfiction #bnha angst #bnha imagines #bnha hawks #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #mha hawks #pro hero hawks #hawks #kiego x reader #kiego tamaki #mha angst #mha fluff #bnha fluff #katsuki bakugo x reader

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donttouchmeimwriting · 3 years

Text

Argo ch. 4

Friday the 13th - Friendship/Romance - Jason Voorhees/OC M/M ship

3326 words, 3rd person POV

Took a little bit of a breather so I don't burn out because this one is big! I'm going to have some mature content in future chapters btw so the rating will bump to 18+ for those. I will mark the chapters with that content appropriately so minors please do not interact with them!

Cross-posting on FFN under PyroTheWereCat

...

Some weeks passed and Jason and Lijah had gotten quite comfortable with their new routine. Jason had started to come by early every evening and leave before midnight every night, though Lijah still occasionally fell asleep while he was still there. Jason didn't mind these times. He took them as opportunities to watch Lijah without question or making him feel self conscious, as Jason rather liked the way Lijah looked and never grew tired of seeing his face. He still had sporadic thoughts of inappropriate things, but those showed up more now when he was alone and only thinking of Lijah.

The thoughts were troubling nonetheless, as Jason often found his mind wandering to daydreams of Lijah in the shower or how swallowed up by Jason's arms he would be if he held him. He even had thoughts of kissing Lijah, wondering just how soft those lips would feel. The images were innocent enough, but Jason still worried that he was sliding down a slippery slope by having them at all. He could hear Mother's voice in the back of his mind explaining how this was only the beginning. It would start with innocent curiosity and then, before he knew it, he would be consumed by lust and never be able to return home. The most troubling part about it all was that there was a frighteningly big part of him that didn't want the thoughts to stop.

In the silent moments that Lijah was asleep while Jason sat with him, Jason's strongest desires were to touch him. He didn't feel that these yearnings were particularly wrong in that he was only really interested in touching Lijah's hair and face, but he resisted out of concern for the progression of these urges as well as not wanting to wake Lijah. Still, the allure of his soft looking woody brown locks and even softer looking freckled skin called to him, inspiring a great many of his fantasies.

There was also the worry that Lijah would start to hate him like everyone else did. He was terrified that the instant he removed his mask, Lijah would never want to see him again. He could feasibly tolerate his presence now, but if their relationship progressed into something else, then what? Could Lijah stand to be with the monster who murdered so many people? The freak with a face so repugnant it instilled a murderous intent in others? Jason couldn't stand to think of betraying Lijah, but he also wished to find some kind of happiness for himself.

In the beginning, if Lijah fell asleep next to him, Jason would leave soon after to let him rest, but as their friendship went on, he would stay for at least an hour to enjoy the peacefulness of the arrangement. He would sometimes read one of Lijah's books, though usually he would sit and enjoy the calm atmosphere of existing in a safe location with a trusted friend. It was through these quiet nights that he learned Lijah was a sleep talker, and a relatively clear one at that. It had startled him the first time it happened; Jason thought that Lijah had woken up. He quickly understood that they were mumblings of a blissfully unaware Lijah, and soon came to enjoy listening to the odd phrases he would come up with while dreaming. A request to place a bag of fruit on a shoe rack, a denial of cream cheese spaghetti, occasional laughter...it was all somewhat funny to Jason until he heard his own name.

Lijah called out to Jason quite a few times in his sleep, increasing in frequency as time went on. The scenarios were often mundane - asking Jason to move from the hallway or how he was doing. Jason paid close attention any time these dreams occurred, curious about what Lijah was seeing. One instance, however, caught his attention like none of the others had before.

Lijah was sleeping curled up on his side, facing the wall. Jason was reading the final chapter of one of the adventure novels and the scene was coming to a thrilling climax. He heard Lijah murmur his name and turned to see if he was awake, as was the norm. Lijah's eyes were closed and he drooled slightly on the pillow, answering that question instantly. Jason returned to his book, but kept his ears focused on any further commentary.

"Don't go," Lijah whispered, his voice tinged with unmistakable sadness, "...want you...stay with me, Jase...please..."

His full attention now on Lijah, Jason's pulse quickened. He wasn't sure what to do to alleviate the distress Lijah was having in his dream. Eyes searching for a solution, Jason found himself fixed on a section of hair that had fallen across Lijah's face, hanging over his eyes and nose. Clenching his jaw muscles and praying he did not wake him, Jason reached out to push the hair off Lijah's face. He hesitated before touching him, beginning to panic, but then Lijah sighed his name again, his eyebrows furrowed with whatever upsetting images he was forced to see. Jason took a deep breath to steady his hand, then gently brushed the hair back.

Lijah's hair was even softer than Jason had previously imagined, like a young deer's fur. He couldn't resist running his fingers through to the ends, watching them slide effortlessly as if he were passing his hand through tall grass. Lijah's expression instantaneously relaxed as Jason combed his fingers through his hair, and he tentatively repeated the action. He stroked Lijah's hair several times like this, slowly, tenderly, fascinated by its soothing effect on him. Soon, Lijah had slipped back into a deep sleep, looking more comfortable than before.

Jason, on the other hand, could not be more energized. His touch was good for something other than bringing pain and death. He could be gentle and comforting. He had been uncertain before, but this proved it. He was capable of changing after all, not just in his mind.

He could not remain in the room for long after, his energy much too high to sit still or move quietly enough to not wake Lijah, so he left earlier than he wanted to. He spent this wild energy in the woods that night, hunting and trapping small animals to add to his own campsite's food stores. He felt deliciously alive in a way he was not used to.

-------------------------------------------------

Jason didn't tell Lijah about the nightmare. He worried that it might unnerve him that he stayed in the room while he slept, and Jason's top priority at the moment was keeping Lijah's favor. He had never really had crushes before, having no one around other than Mother, and could now somewhat understand that intense desire to be around the other person and ignore the world. Before now, he wasn't even sure that men could be attracted to each other. It was never in the stories Mother told him, and he had never seen it in his few ventures to the camp. He thought it must be extremely special, given that it was not as prevalent, and wondered why he hadn't heard of it before. Perhaps it was only heterosexual couples who were sinful and needed to be bound by marriage to erase that sin? He determined he would look into it later if it became an important question.

The desire to touch Lijah's hair again became much stronger after doing it once, however, and Jason resisted the urge each time he saw him. He could feel Lijah getting suspicious though, and didn't want to hide his feelings for much longer. What would Lijah think if he told him he liked him? He had told Jason he wasn't interested in dating anyone, and Jason was almost certain Lijah was only interested in a friendship with him. He wanted to at least tell him he wanted to explore a more sensual relationship, holding hands and hugging, perhaps, but he wasn't sure how to express that without seeming creepy. While he had no idea how romantic relationships worked, Jason had only the slightest inkling of how friendships worked, and didn't want to ruin this one by saying something weird.

One rainy evening, Lijah returned to the cabin with more energy than usual, claiming it was a slow day with the kids due to the weather, and he got to relax for most of it. This led to him excitedly showing Jason one of his favorite movies on VHS, setting up the living room with popcorn, extra blankets, and soda (though Jason politely declined the beverage and requested a water instead). Mother never showed Jason movies like this at home; he wasn't even sure they owned a VCR. When he was younger, they did have a TV and he would watch the occasional broadcasted movie, but once it broke, they never replaced it. As a result, he never cared much about catching up with popular media. There were chores to complete and plenty to do outside, so he'd never needed the extra entertainment. Still, it was nice to see Lijah get so worked up by watching the story on the screen, and Jason found it interesting as well.

The pair moved back to the bedroom once the movie was over, Jason having helped Lijah clean up the living room first, and Jason quietly read as Lijah did his bedtime routine. Jason had noticed he was growing rather smelly lately, more so than usual. He never cared much about hygiene - the smell didn't tend to bother him - and bathed infrequently with little water from creeks. Being around Lijah, who smelled so pleasant all the time, however, Jason was picking up on his own scent a little more, and found it potentially offensive. He remembered Lijah offering the shower to him, and contemplated using it at least a couple times a week so as not to offend his nice smelling friend who was surely not saying anything to avoid hurting his feelings. When Lijah returned from the bathroom, Jason wrote,

"can i use it to?"

"Use what?" Lijah asked, still toweling his hair dry, "The shower? Yeah, absolutely! There's plenty of soap in there and an extra towel. If you want, while you're in there, I can sneak over to laundry to wash your clothes for you too."

There it was. Jason grimaced. He was slightly embarrassed by offending Lijah, but grateful that he was being so casual about it. He nodded and awkwardly shuffled around Lijah to get to the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it, sighing deeply. He began undressing, becoming more uncomfortable feeling that his shirt stuck to his skin. How had he gone this long without noticing? He found the spare towel Lijah mentioned and wrapped it around his waist to cover himself before opening the door to pass his dirty clothes out to Lijah. Lijah took the pile, cheerful as always, and promised to be back soon. Jason was trying to avoid making eye contact, but he saw that Lijah's cheeks flushed when he was met with the sight of Jason in the towel. What could that have been about?

Enclosed in the bathroom once more, Jason dropped the towel next to his boots and removed his mask, placing it on the sink. This room was even smaller and more cramped than the other rooms in the cabin, leaving barely any space for his large frame to navigate. It was a simple setup of only the essentials: a toilet, a sink with a mirror over it, and a narrow shower stall. Jason stepped inside the stall and pulled the curtain behind him. The air still smelled of clean steam from Lijah's shower: a calming scent. Jason had some trouble figuring out the knobs, but managed to get the water running. The spray felt glorious on his skin, and he took a moment to bask in the warmth of the water. Certainly, this was a feeling he could live with a couple times a week.

Once he was done washing and rising the soap from his body, Jason turned the water off and stepped out, feeling almost brand new. He dried himself with the towel, but had not heard Lijah come back in yet. He put his mask back on and tentatively opened the door, keeping the towel tight on his waist. He peered out, but there was no sign of Lijah yet. The laundry room was probably in a different area of the camp, he considered, and it would take a little time for him to get back. Jason retrieved a book from the bedroom to occupy the time while he waited.

Lijah did return shortly after, bringing with him Jason's now clean clothes. He handed them off, blushing still, and left Jason to get dressed. What was getting him so flustered? Jason rejoined Lijah in the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

"How do you feel?" Lijah asked, fidgeting with the ends of his hair.

Jason nodded and gave a thumbs up gesture, admittedly feeling much better now that he was completely clean (and smelling almost as good as Lijah).

"Good! I've gotta say, though, that's some tough material. I wasn't sure the washer could handle it."

He touched Jason's arm as he spoke, feeling the fabric of his jacket. Jason stiffened, caught off guard by Lijah's touch. Lijah immediately retracted his hand, his eyes worried.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "Was that wrong?"

Jason thought a moment, but then felt the strong yearning he'd had before to touch Lijah and run his fingers through that soft hair again. He shook his head, but felt a sudden, unexplainable distress that shortened his breaths. He reached for Lijah, who did not flinch or move away, and wrapped his fingers around his slim upper arm. Lijah's skin was so soft, so compliant to his touch...Jason released a shuddering sigh at how nice it felt. Lijah touched his arm again, running his hand up to Jason's shoulder.

"Wow, you're super touch starved, aren't you?" he said, giving Jason's shoulder a squeeze. Jason had never heard of the expression, but it made sense to him. Wanting to feel Lijah ached like a hunger, and being touched by him satisfied that hunger. He nodded, rubbing Lijah's arm as gently as he could, but still pushing him slightly from sheer size difference.

"Can I hug you?" Lijah asked, "I think that'll help the most."

Jason nodded, a little too exuberantly, and Lijah pulled away from him to hop off the bed. He faced Jason, his expression unreadable, then climbed up onto Jason's lap, straddling his thighs, and pulled him into his arms. Jason gave a small grunt of surprise, but melted into Lijah's embrace, clutching him tightly. The feeling was indescribably soothing and overwhelming at the same time, sending tingles throughout his body. How was it that Lijah always knew what he needed?

It was undeniable at this point that Jason loved Lijah. He loved everything about him. He loved the feeling of Lijah's breath against his neck. He loved that he was so small and delicate compared to Jason, and he loved holding him close. His scent was all Jason could perceive outside of the embrace and the sound of rain tapping on the roof of the cabin, that light, clean scent he could never get enough of. This moment was perfection to Jason. The only thing that could make it even better was...no, he shouldn't wish for such indecent things, especially not when this felt so wonderful. He also knew that there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. He wasn't sure how to tell the difference, but assumed he would know if it happened. So far, he knew he loved Lijah, but didn't think he was in love with him (yet).

Lijah pulled back slightly to be able to look at Jason. His face was placid and reflected the happiness Jason felt.

"You've got some big, strong arms," he said, rubbing Jason's upper arms as he spoke, "I bet you're a fantastic cuddler."

Jason shrugged. He would not know, but from the way Lijah said it, he would like to find out.

"Gosh, you're cute," Lijah mumbled, "You don't even know how worked up you get me, do you? I'll give you a hint...I can't get that image of you in that towel out of my head and I don't want to."

He ghosted his fingertips over Jason's mask, his eyes lowered to where Jason's mouth would be under it.

"Is it all right if I take this off?" he whispered, "I would really like to kiss you right now."

The thought of kissing Lijah made Jason's heart flutter, but he did not want to frighten him with the face that earned him so much hatred as a child. There was also the matter of what his mother would think, with Lijah's bottom so dangerously close to his most private area, tempting him with physical pleasures. Would she be upset? Or would she not mind as much, given it would only be a kiss? At this point, it was not a question of whether or not Jason wanted it, but rather should he give in to what he wanted and disrespect his mother's wishes?

Pulse racing as he began to run out of time for an answer, Jason forced himself to make a decision. It would just be a kiss, right? There was no need to overthink. Definitely no need to read too far into what he said about the towel...He lifted his hands and slowly pushed the mask up to just under his nose. He could no longer see Lijah like this, but he didn't need to.

Lijah did not hesitate to close the space between them. He didn't kiss the way Jason had seen others before. This wasn't sloppy or aggressive...it was soft and warm and sent tingles throughout Jason's entire body...it felt nice. He slid his hands up Lijah's back as he dissolved into the kiss, an intense blush creeping into his cheeks. Lijah in turn pressed his hands to the sides of Jason's neck, holding him just as close. The slight movement of their lips together felt so incredible....Jason almost forgot that this was supposed to be wrong. He curled his fingers into Lijah's t-shirt and sighed softly as their lips parted. He didn't want this to end.

Lijah pulled back, Jason leaning forward as he went, not yet ready to stop. Lijah laughed, that beautiful, musical laugh that made Jason feel wonderfully weak, and playfully pushed his face away.

"Give me some air, big guy!" Lijah giggled, "Believe me, I want more too."

Jason pulled his mask back down so he could see his breathless partner. Lijah's face was flushed and he smiled serenely at Jason, resting his forearms on Jason's broad shoulders. Jason couldn't help but to smile himself. Was this how normal people felt all the time? Was this what it felt like to be attractive and wanted? But then again...Lijah felt this way about him as he was. He was attractive to him.

Jason thrust Lijah to his chest, hugging him tightly.

"Whoa!" Lijah cried out, startled by the sudden movement, "Easy there! You okay, Jase?"

Jason nodded into Lijah's shoulder, giving his body a brief squeeze. Lijah grunted softly and gave another short laugh.

"Remember how small I am," he said, returning the hug, "I don't mind getting a little manhandled but don't break me."

Jason couldn't fathom breaking Lijah. He wanted to keep him and protect him from the everything. The little kisses Lijah planted along Jason's neck were more valuable than any luxury he could imagine and touching their foreheads together fulfilled him more than any prior achievement he'd made. He was in bliss, and that bliss was named Lijah.

#friday the 13th fanfiction #canon/oc #friday the 13th #jason voorhees #slashers #slasher fanfiction #argo fic

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fckinsupreme · 4 years

Text

Touch Me (I Want Your Body) - Xavier Plympton One-Shot

Description: After a jazzercise class in which you’re a regular, Xavier fantasizes about you.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: Male masturbation, dirty talk, mentions of female reader, mentions of oral sex, mentions of unprotected sex, other filth.

A/N: Anonymous requested - Hello ^w^ could u write a smut where xavier is touching himself/masturbating/moaning n talkin’ dirty ? Idk if it’s gross or whatever, btw it would be so wonderful.

Sorry if this has been done before! It turned out a lot longer than I planned, too. The title was taken from Samantha Fox’s song of the same name. I hope y’all like it! <3

No copyright infringement intended! Any rights belong to proper shareholders and they deserve the ultimate credit.

gif credit: @codyfernsource

_________________________________

Xavier’s work day at the studio had ended, and his head was full of nothing but you as he sped home. It seemed that you were always on his mind, but for some unknown reason that day, his thoughts were in complete overdrive. Perhaps it was the daring ensemble you’d worn to his aerobics class, something white and nearly transparent with a thin sports bra beneath, to say nothing of the short, almost revealing bottoms. Xavier hadn’t been able to stop looking at you, his eyes finding you in front of the class time and time again, observing the near-erotic fashion that your body moved under his guidance. He was riled up, to say the least, and had to get home before his belief of combustion came to fruition.

Driving had been a difficult task in his current state, but he somehow managed well enough. He parked his van in his designated parking space and nearly sprinted into his apartment, stumbling along the way in his haste. He peeled his clothes off as soon as he entered, leaving a trail of them from his front door to the bedroom. His erection was almost painful as it sprang free of his underwear, swollen and flushed red with a tiny bead of precum oozing from the tip. He fell onto his unmade bed, clumsily reaching for the lube from his nightstand drawer. He kept it next to him, close and at the ready, as his fingertips ghosted over his shaft. He started at the base, shuddering as your face began swirling in his mind again. He saw you, as you were that afternoon, biting your lip suggestively as your beautiful (e/c) eyes scanned his toned physique. He remembered your chest pushed out a bit unnecessarily as he made eye contact with you, your lips parted as you tossed some hair from your face.

“Fuck,” he drawled, closing his fist around his aching cock and pumping slowly. “Y/N.”

Your voice, sweet as honey dripping from a hive, rang through Xavier’s head. All the conversations the two of you would have before and after each class, the way your lashes fluttered when you laughed at his dumb jokes, the flirtatious touch to his bicep when he would turn up the charm, the musical lilt of your voice flowing in and out of his ears every time you spoke. He imagined what you would sound like full of lust, your voice raspy and low as he warmed your body up for him. His hand snaking over one of your legs, his mouth on your neck, his other hand massaging your breast, your hands in his hair as you vocalized your desire...

Xavier pumped faster, stopping after a moment to pop open the lube. He didn’t want to chafe, wanting to enjoy this experience as much as possible with no horrid consequences. He squirted a generous amount onto his palm, slicking his cock with a moan as his eyes slipped closed. Behind his lids, he saw you again in today’s class. That tight, white exercise outfit, clinging to your hips and breasts like a second skin. Your nipples, erect and visibly poking within the fabric, enticed him to the point of being unable to look away. Every time his gaze left you and would find you again, your nipples were still stiff inside the confines of your top. At one point you’d bent forward, and a small trail of sweat made its way between the valley of your breasts. Your body swayed perfectly to the music, as if it were your own private dance meant for his eyes only.

He moves his fist more vigorously, a new image taking over. He saw you in his bed right then, nude and writhing above him as you sat on his face. You tasted as sweet as strawberries in summer, your moans the most beautiful song filling his ears. His tongue lapped every drop of arousal, his cock throbbing in his hand as he tried to picture what you’d look like on his relentless tongue. Your chest was heaving, your nipples hard as you played with them, your eyes droopy with lust, your messy (h/c) hair sticking to your sweaty forehead, your hips pushing downward to grind your pussy against his face. Xavier bit his lip, moaning hotly before swallowing thickly as the realistic image played in his mind. His orgasm was close, his lower stomach tight and skin on fire as he anticipated his eventual release.

“Y/N/,” he breathed, the sounds of him jerking off nearly drowning out his own voice. “You taste so good, babe. Sweeter than fucking sugar. You’re so fucking wet for me, aren’t you? You’re dripping all over my face.”

Xavier’s thumb toyed with his slit, pressing into it as he massaged around the head. He groaned, other hand trailing down his body to rest on his balls. He cupped them, giving them a squeeze as he arched slightly off the bed. In his head, he fantasized about you cumming, all because of him and the magic that he his mouth could do. You looked so stunning, so blissed out, your thighs shaking around his head as you squirt in his face. He smiled to himself, swallowing around a loud mewl as he bucked upward into his hand. He allowed the movie of his mind to switch scenes, with you on your knees deep-throating his cock. He held your hair from your eyes, smirking as you enthusiastically gave him a messy blowjob.

“Such a good girl,” he said aloud, whimpering audibly after the words fell from his lips. “You’re taking my cock so well, fuck.”

He kept his hips still in his fantasy, but outwardly, he was rutting in near-frenzied desperation. His hand traveled from his base to the tip, occasionally swiping his thumb against the slit. He applied more lube, making the image in his head seem more realistic as he resumed. He rolled his head on the pillow, body squirming and styled hair slightly disheveled as he felt his climax creeping ever closer. The sight of you on your knees was nice, and it brought him great pleasure, but he needed something more. He decided to turn to the one fantasy about you that never failed to do the trick, his tongue gliding over his full lips before speaking to the vacant space.

“You want me to fuck you?” he asked, flicking his wrist with a soft growl. “Do you want me to pound that perfect little pussy? Just say the word, baby, and I’ll do it.”

You consented in his head, begging him to fuck you immediately. He saw himself helping you onto your back, his own body hovering over yours. You gave him a nod and he pushed inside of you, both imaginary & real Xavier moaning filthily at the perceived sensation. You were tight, warm, enveloping his cock so well as he shoved even further inside. He stopped his hand for a moment to gather himself, continuing more rapidly than before when he was ready again. He imagined thrusting in and out of you at a steady pace, one that wasn’t too hard just yet. His body was damp with sweat, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing as the pressure in his abdomen crept toward a breaking point. You felt so fucking good, and you weren’t shy in conveying how the feeling was mutual. You couldn’t stop moaning, clawing at him, gasping his name as though it were the only thing keeping you alive as you repeatedly clenched around his throbbing erection.

“You fit me like a fucking glove, baby girl,” he groaned to the empty room, the Xavier of his imagination speeding up and rubbing your clit in rapid circles. In reality, his movements become jerkier, his slick hand faltering for a split second before pumping as fast as he could. “Are you gonna cum for me? Are you gonna make a mess all over Daddy?”

You answered him by experiencing your orgasm, nails digging into his skin as you cried out his name. Your cunt squeezed around him, contracting and threatening to milk every last drop of cum from his balls. You arched against him, lips open and face twisted in ecstasy as he thrust desperately into his fist. His climax was coming hard and fast, and he was unable to stop it. His eyes rolled back into his skull, his cock twitching within his lubed palm as the coil in his stomach began to snap.

Y/N, Y/N, Y/N...Beautiful fucking goddess that she was, coming undone because of me. Goddammit, she’s so gorgeous when she cums. Look at her, oh dear God, fucking look at her--

“Fuck!” Xavier cried, his loud moans ricocheting off the walls. Hot ropes of sticky cum coated his stomach, some of it shooting onto his palm and a few drops cascading his shaft. His back came off the mattress, head tossed into the pillows as he mewled needfully. “Y/N, shit…”

He lay there for a moment, experiencing his high as his rational mind began to make a comeback. He grinned to himself, holding up his soiled hand to assess the damages. He grabbed a few tissues from the top of his nightstand, wiping the worst of the mess away before going into the bathroom to properly clean up. As he was washing off the sweat & semen in the shower, now relaxed and clear-headed, he remembered something that had occurred earlier: You had given him your number with a flirty wink and a sultry, “Call me sometime this weekend.”

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. How could he have forgotten something so significant? Perhaps it was the lust, or his desire to release his own sexual tension, or maybe he’d been too distracted by that damn workout ensemble of yours. He had no real way of pinpointing the exact cause at this point, but what if it wasn’t real? What if it was a figment of his sex-charged imagination? It would explain why it took him so long to remember, the forgotten memory not a real loss due to the fact that it never even happened.

Xavier finished his shower in a hurry, drying off haphazardly and rushing to his discarded workout shorts. He dug through the pockets in a panic, thinking that he did remember incorrectly when he started turning up nothing. Then, he finds it--a small scrap of paper with your name and phone number written across it. He exhaled a sigh of relief, clutching it in his hand as if it were something rare and sacred that would destroy him if it were lost. He glanced at it, chewing his lip as he briefly debated what to do. He knew that it may be a foolish mistake, but he ran to the phone immediately and dialed the number.

After everything he’d just done, he wondered if those fantasies would become a reality. He had to know; the curiosity was killing him. If you didn’t want to do anything with him, it would be absolutely fine, of course. But what if you did? What if you desired him as much as he did you? More than once, he mused about whether or not you touched yourself to him as well. The thought alone always turned him on all the more, and he had to make himself stop at that very moment before he created yet another monster later on.

“Hello?” your breathless voice rang from the other end, abruptly bringing Xavier out of his own head and catching him off guard.

That voice. That sweet, sexy voice…

“Uh, Y/N,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried collecting his thoughts. “Hey, pretty girl.” He took a beat, trying to decide what to say before blurting: “I was gonna go get some coffee later and wondered if you wanted to go with me?”

There was near-silence on the other end, and Xavier could’ve sworn he heard the sound of a vibrator when she picked up. It stopped during the pause, and Xavier wouldn’t allow himself to believe that she was doing what he perceived her to be doing. It would have been too good to be true, a disappointment bred from wishful thinking. He clutched the phone hard, chewing the inside of his cheek as he awaited her next move.

A breathy chuckle came from her, and then: “Xavier? Xavier Plympton? Hey there, handsome; I was hoping you would call.”

You sounded out of breath still, and his brows knitted together. “Are you busy? Is this a bad time for you?”

“Mmm, no,” you breathed. “It’s a great time, Xav.”

He smiled nervously into the receiver, toying with the coiled cord of the phone. His palms were moist, his teeth picking at the dry, chapped skin of his lower tier. The very thought of what you may have been doing when he called was highly arousing, and he had to steady his breathing to keep himself distracted. “Yeah, uh...I know it’s really soon--”

“Never too soon when it comes to you,” you say flirtatiously. “I’m happy that you called right away.” Another pause, the sound of her shifting on the other side, and then: “Let’s go get that coffee, and then if you really want…”

Xavier waited with bated breath, pondering over what you would say next. When it came, he nearly toppled over, gripping the nearest surface so hard that his knuckles turned white. Of all the things he expected you to say, that had been the last on the list. He didn’t know what else to say, too stunned to even formulate a clear, understandable statement. She was waiting for him to reply to everything she had just said, though, and he said the first thing that came to mind.

“...well, fuck.”

____

Taglist!

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kookieskiwi · 4 years

Note

Hi! Can I request ot7 mafia au! x reader with the situasion of panic attack "we're here baby take a breath for us". Kookieskiwi I hope you're doing well btw I like your new drabble and I'm in love with it and its make me want more Im sorry 😭. I love you 😘💜

(Akbdiandhe I screamed when I got this notification ❤️ I’m doing really good, thank you for your concern 🥺💕 i try really hard to write things my readers want to read so I’m extremely happy that you liked my recent Drabble 🥺✨ don’t apologize for wanting more! You have no idea how happy it makes me to write for you guys ❤️ and even more so when it’s because you liked one of my previous works so much! I love you so much more and remember ‘you nice keep going’ my lovely 💜😘🤩)

This is the last Drabble they are referring to btw

WARNING: MENTIONS OF A PANIC ATTACK AND MURDER, if these topics are triggering for you I suggest you don’t read this!

Today wasn’t a good day for you at all. The boys left before you had even woken up for a deal they had been planning for months now leaving you to spend the entire day alone. You understood they were business men of sorts and with that occupation came ungodly hours of work which often left you alone. But being alone wasn’t that much of a problem because you always had contact with the boys somehow wether it be a simple text message or a quick phone call.

But now, in the early hours of the next morning when you hadn’t heard from them all day; you weren’t okay at all. You kept your phone near you at all times; when you showered, went to the bathroom, cooked dinner for all of you only to put the rest in the fridge, but ultimately you did nothing but lay around the house hoping to hear a ‘ding’ from your phone which never came.

They had been gone for 24 hours without a single word. From midnight to three am you had been calling guards and those who worked under them in case they had any knowledge of their whereabouts but all came back negative. They had been gone for days before but never without checking in every few hours or so to let you know they were okay. Sometimes it was simply a heart emoji or a ‘love you’ which was enough to let you know they were okay.

“Are you sure you haven’t heard anything from them?” You asked one of their subordinates from the agency. “No ma’am, the last we heard from them was right before they left. We’ve been searching everywhere and hacking into security footage around town but they’re good at what they do, they won’t be found easily.” He responded telling you everything you already knew. They were the best of the best when it came to everything including secrecy. Which was great, until now.

“Thank you Soobin, please keep an ear and eye out in case you see or hear anything from them.” You told him sighing, “will do Noona, until then please don’t make any rash decisions. Stay home and if they don’t check in within the next few hours I’ll send someone to get you and bring you to the HQ.” He informed you of his plan which you agreed to easily, it’d be much better being alone with people around as odd as that may seem. You were alone without the loves of your life and without knowing if they were okay or not.

It was now 5 am and they hadn’t checked in with anyone and no one knew of their whereabouts. You tried holding in your tears as the gut wrenching feeling that something had gone wrong hit it was hard not to let a tear fall. Trekking up the stairs to your shared bedroom you didn’t want to see the empty bed so you walked slowly hoping that before you got to the top of the stairs they would come rushing through the door and they’d be safe in your arms once again.

You were tired and worried which was never a good mix for you. The fear of losing the ones you loved the most got to you on the last step of the staircase before you came tumbling down both emotionally and physically. You tried clutching onto the railing to keep you stabilized but it failed as your body crumpled onto the stairs curling yourself into a ball and you resting your head in your hands.

Your stomach felt as if it you were one a roller coaster at the tip top before it fell. The anxiety you had build up during the day was the roller coaster and the falling was you right now. All the way to rock bottom. Your sobs filled the room while you tried to comfort yourself by curling even further into your own body. “Please let them be okay, god please.” You prayed knowing it was the only thing you could do now besides wait. The simple thought of them not making it back home was enough to throw you into a downward spiral.

Ringing in your ears began to drown out the sound of your own cries and please that you were no longer controlling. Your head began to ache with a fuzz which clouded your thoughts and filled your head. Your throat was on fire from crying, you were shaking like a leaf in the wind, you couldn’t hear anything but the blood thrumming through your veins but none of that mattered. No, all that mattered to you was your boys who weren’t here and that was the worst part.

Clutching your pounding head you tried breathing but you couldn’t, you couldn’t do anything but lie there letting yourself fade into your own emotions. Your chest ached as if your heart had physically shattered from the agony of not knowing and knowing you were helpless in this situation.

“Please be okay, please come home to me. I promise to love you for the rest of our lives, I love you all so much God please let them come back home.” You pleaded with your eyes screwed shut. You felt like you were drowning in your own tears, the inability to catch your breath being the main factor in this feeling but your whole body felt under some sort of pressure.

That was until you felt a much heavier pressure on top of that, the numbness you had felt overcome your body slowly went away with the ringing in your ears which allowed you to come to an understanding of what exactly that pressure was.

A person.

Opening your eyes you tried to see but everything was blurry, your tears kept falling no matter how hard you tried to stop. “We’re here baby. Take a breath for us please.” It was Yoongi. Your Yoongi. And he said ‘We’re’ meaning they are all home. Choking on your sobs once again you reach out to him and anyone near you to hold them as close as possible.

“You’re- home.” You sobbed into his chest as him arms reached around you to pull you further into his embrace. You let everything else out in tears of relief. They were home. Alive. Safe. The more you cried the less intense your sobs got and the more you could breath even though it was still hard to regulate your body. “Please never do that again.” Your voice cracked as you squeezed Jimin’s hand in yours sighing but still hiccuped as you tried to calm down.

“We won’t baby. I promise because we are retiring from that job.” Namjoon told you coming close to your face to wipe the tears away, he held your face between his calloused hands which you leaned into, craving to feel him; all of them. “W-what?” You asked confused, you thought you heard correctly but you weren’t sure. After coming down from such an intense panic attack you didn’t know what was real and what was part of your imagination. “We are here, for there rest of out lives. Just you and us. No more late night jobs, no more trades that make us leave for days, none of it anymore. Just us, settling down and staring the family we’ve always wanted.” He explained further making you want to sob even more knowing all your nights of worrying were coming to an end.

You couldn’t help but let a few more tears slip as you smile at them, crying now from the sheer thought of having all of them home safe and sound. “I love you all so much, I was so scared.” You told them shutting your eyes closed once again to cry a little more. “I’m so sorry baby, we were ambushed and we lost all connection with you and the agency. We couldn’t risk them finding our home, finding you, so we hide and we couldn’t contact anyone in fear they had the entire city’s phone system tapped to listen in.” Hoseok told you helping you stand up on your shaky legs only for him to pick you up like a koala and to have you cling to him for dear life.

“Did you kill them? Because if you didn’t I will.” You mumbled looking at the six others who followed behind Hoseok as he walked with you in his arms to the bedroom. They all let out a simultaneous chuckle and you could feel the warmth re-enter your body at the sound. These were the men you loved and lived for. “We did baby, don’t worry.” Taehyung told you with his signature boxy smile as if you weren’t just talking about murder making you giggle.

Hoseok laid you on the bed softly and kept you in his embrace as the others changed and showered before handing you to Jin who kissed all over your face as he helped you shower and relax by massaging you with the bath oils and soap.

After everyone was cleaned and dressed you were tucked into bed between all of your lovers but sandwiched between Jungkook and Jimin. You were in the bed that would no longer be empty when you woke up for went to sleep because you’d have your lovers right beside you for the rest of your life. And you couldn’t be happier at the thought of that.

“What do you say about getting married?”

...I’m smelling an epilogue or part two if requested 😏 maybe some brief baby making on their honeymoon?

#bts au #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts ot7 fic #bts fluff #mafia!bts #anon #anon ask #send me anons #lovely anon #thank you anon #anonymous #anon request #anon answered #anon drabble #soft drabble #drabble requests #drabble #panic attack

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thechosenburrito · 3 years

Text

Intro to Love: 1.2-Clinic Crashers

Word Count: 1,016

Description:

Xochi makes a new friend on her way to grab some food but things take a terrifying turn

Author’s Note:

I reread each of these chapters before I post them here. This was written over a month ago and I feel like I’ve already improved a little!

Warnings:

Mention of Blood

/* I will take this time to mention that this series is meant to be a bit on the darker side where injuries and swearing and even death will be fairly common as the series progresses so proceed at your own risk*/

Previous Chapter: 1.1-Free on Sunday

I'm infamous for my sleep schedule, or lack thereof. I've always been more of a night person. During summer break, I'd stay up until the sun came up, go to sleep, and wake up at 4 pm. I thought it was a good system even though it essentially made me nocturnal. A nocturnal lifestyle didn't really lend itself to a college lifestyle. It meant I ended up sleeping for 2-3 hours a night and taking coma-like naps. I'm a pro napper. I can nap for 5 hours straight. That might actually be something to be concerned about. I'll put a pin in that.

The moment just after waking up is the best part of sleeping, just before you remember who you are. It's followed by the worst part of waking up: remembering everything that's wrong with your life.

When I woke up from my nap, after my regular dose of existential crisis, I rolled out of bed. I checked my phone and, yep, my notifications are bone dry. Actually, there was one, from an account I didn't recognize.

(C): hey this is carson. still on for sunday?

I quickly shot off a reply.

(X): yeah. noon right?

(C): yup

(X): cool. I'm probably gonna at least start it tonight

My stomach growled. What did I eat for breakfast? Oh yeah, I came back to my dorm and instantly went to sleep.

(X): after I grab something to eat lol

(C): cool. I can make a document and share it with you so we can both work on it

I must've struck gold.

(X): yeah that would be great

(C): alright I shared it.

(C): ok practice is starting. see you sunday

(X): ok. see you then. I live at Kathrine hall btw

(C): I know lol

(C): I live on the second floor

I instantly went into panic mode. I shot out of bed and started to pace a little. We lived in the same building!?!? How did I not notice !?!? I started going back through my memories, tearing through my mental filing cabinets. I check his profile and his feed. Looking at the pictures, it hit me. He was the guy a couple of rows down from me in my Physics lecture, the bench behind me in my Biology lab, and, worst of all, he sat two people down from me in my Chemistry lecture. This guy is gonna think I'm either not paying attention or don't care about the world around me at all.

I quickly replied something to save my skin.

(X): I'm kidding lol I know

(C): ok suuuurreeee lmao

(C): ok gotta go. see you saturday

(X): bye

I tossed my phone on my bed and started getting dressed to grab lunch. I pulled a flannel over my t-shirt, grabbed my wallet, put on some headphones, and headed for the dining hall.

The hair was hot and thick. It sat on you, crushing your chest. I passed a couple of runners and wondered how they could even go faster than a brisk walk when they were practically breathing hot soup.

I was trying to cross the street when a large white van whizzed past me so close I could feel the air move out of the way. I jumped back and fell onto the sidewalk behind me. A sharp pain shot through my wrist.

"WATCH IT ASSHOLE!" screamed a voice from behind me.

A girl came around and offered me a hand.

"Are you ok - OH YOU'RE BLEEDING!"

"Huh?"

I looked at my wrist and sure enough and I had partially grated it on the sidewalk. Blood was dripping all down my arm. I quickly grabbed it and just ended up getting blood everywhere.

"Yeah. I'm bleeding alright. I should probably go home and clean this up." I said as I forced a small smile.

I tried making a fist and winced.

"Ow!"

"Ok no. You're going to the clinic and getting that looked at," she helped me up with my good wrist. "Come on. I'll walk you to the clinic."

"Oh no! It's ok! I can make it!" I replied quickly.

"Too late. I'm already walking you." She started walking ahead of me and gestured for me to follow.

"Let's go"

I sighed and followed her.

"I think I've seen you in Bio Lecture. Dr. Vargas right?" she asked.

"Yeah. 9 am? Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?"

"Yep! I'm Sarah! You should sit next to me on Monday....you might need help taking notes.". She gestured to my still bleeding hand.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Xochi. That would help." I said, giving a pained thumbs up.

We weren't too far from the clinic when we saw the white car that almost hit me pull up to the clinic.

"Hey, that's the guy that almost hit you!" She started running towards the clinic. "Hey! Stop!"

The second-hand embarrassment at the mere thought of her confronting the driver was just too much.

"Uh! You don't have to do that!"

I made an attempt to chase after her, but I was never really a runner in high school or ever.

The white car stopped and a figure stumbled out onto the sidewalk. He took a few steps towards the front door of the clinic before crumpling to his hands and knees. The car sped off. I tried to catch the plate numbers but it didn't even have any.

I did my best to catch up with Sarah. She tried to help him up, but his legs were shaking too much. She helped him onto his side and I finally caught up and got a good look at him. He had greasy black hair and dirty glasses. His eyes were wide and glossy looking. He was taking short shallow breaths and his lips were moving as if he were trying to speak. He smelled like he hadn't showered in weeks.

I felt a panic coming.

"HELP!" I yelled, my voice shaking. "SOMEBODY PLEASE! WE NEED HELP"

A few nurses came out to see what was going on and instantly swarmed him.

"Call 911!"

A/N:

So it’s getting a little intense for Xochi. This definitely isn’t the end of her troubles.

#original writing #fiction

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singulari-taee · 4 years

Text

The Danger in Duality | 08

BTS X Reader

CW: Graphic depictions of violence and sexually explicit content

“You and your seven squad members must take on the struggles of being world-class assassins while also living as full-time college students.”

__________________________________________________

“Well, that was depressing,” Hoseok said after the call dropped.

Defeat washed over the room.

“What are the chances?” Namjoon asked. His fingers clasped in front of his face, expression etched in deep thought, “20 miles? That’s nothing.”

“Didn’t Squad 8 have something similar happen to them a few years ago, but with a different group?” Taehyung asked.

“Yeah but it was just a small rivalry, and Squad 8 handled it in a couple weeks. Anti or whoever keeps targeting The Academy’s squads...and they’re so close,” he said, “The Academy is the biggest organization of it’s kind in the world, so my guess is that Anti set up camp so close to make some sort of territory war.”

“But why do we have to be the ones caught in the middle?” Jimin said.

“Right, we literally could have been stationed anywhere,” you huffed.

“Well, since we’re the best squad, and Grandpa kind of prioritises us, he wanted us closer to home...like regional guards I guess,” Taehyung said.

“So essentially...nepotism came back to bite us in the ass,” you said.

“It wasn’t nepotism!” Namjoon began to fight, but he shared a look with Taehyung and didn’t continue.

“Well then why not start by targeting us if we’re the closest?” Hoseok asked.

“Maybe they were using the other squads as practice before they got to us,” Namjoon shrugged, “or maybe it was just a warning.”

Silence.

“I can’t do this right now,” Seokjin sighed, carding a hand through his hair as he walked to his room, “The mission is tomorrow and I gotta prepare.”

“Hey! Are you still watching the game with us tonight?” Hoseok called after him.

“Maybe,” he shut the door behind him.

“I’m gonna head out too,” you said.

“Woah, I thought you wanted to watch it!” Hoseok whined.

“Sorry, Seokjin’s right though. I need to prepare for tomorrow and I still have a shit ton of homework.”

“I’ll pass too,” Jungkook said as he and Taehyung followed you to the door.

“Oh not you too!” Hoseok threw his arms up.

“You know I don’t even like basketball,” Jungkook said, “Damn, Seokjin still has my calculator.”

Jungkook jogged to the oldest’s room and flung open the door.

Seokjin stood in nothing but boxers in the middle of the room. He was quick to cover himself as he let the profanity fly.

“Fuck are you doing?! Ever heard of knocking, you little shit?! Get out!”

He pushed Jungkook to the door, but the youngest pushed back effortlessly as he made his way to the calculator on the desk.

“Oops. Forgot this.” he said, “And you know how it works. If you really didn’t want anyone to come in, you would have locked it.”

“That’s not how this works! It’s my room!”

“What are you doing anyway?”

“Changing- you know what, I don’t need to explain myself to you. Move!” he shoved the youngest out of the room and locked the door.

“Yeah, so...I’m gonna go,” you said. You spared a glance back at Yoongi, who’s eyes followed you as you walked out of the apartment.

Jungkook and Taehyung were close behind. The sun had almost fully set, and it stretched over the horizon in a spray of oranges and reds. You neared the fork in the road, an indication to go your separate ways.

“Hey,” Jungkook said, “When the hell can I get that SIG-Sauer P228 off your hands?”

You scoffed, “I still can’t believe it's not too basic for you. That’s, like, a 3rd week of training level pistol.”

“No, what? Shut up! What do you even know?”

“I know that it’s basic.”

“Basic?! You’ve got the special limited holiday edition! It’s got the gold two-tone finish and the indented grip. Oh fuck and the light-weight. Ugh-,” he shook his head as he looked up at the sky, smiling. “And you promised!”

“You know he’s not gonna let it go now,” Taehyung warned.

“Okay, whatever fine, just come by and get it.”

Jungkook turned and you stuck your hand out, “What?”

“Woah, not right now.”

“Not now?! Then when?!” his arms flapped at his side, making him look like a tantrum-throwing child.

You shrugged and walked on, “Not now.”

He called after you, each word followed by a curse. It was true, you had promised that you would give him the gun soon. You rarely used it and when you told him you had it collecting dust in the back of your closet he all but ripped your head off, going on about how you didn’t respect the craft and how he’d save it from the likes of you (whatever the hell that meant). There was just no way you could deal with the company now, and the sooner you were back to your room the better.

As you neared your apartment, you saw a familiar car in the parking lot. The warning was all you needed to mentally prepare yourself for your roommate.

Turning your key in the lock, you pushed inside. Luna sat on the sofa, focused on her laptop.

“Hey!” she chirped, “How was your day?”

“Hey,” you nodded, “Okay, just stressful as usual.”

“Aww I’m sorry to hear that. Wanna come study with me?” she asked, patting the spot next to her.

You looked down the hall. The sanctuary of your room was just so close.

“Ah, damn. I’m just really tired, I don’t think I can focus right now.”

“Oh...I see,” she said in a low voice. The disappointment was clear, “It’s just that we never really see each other or hang out. We live together but I don’t really feel like I know you.”

And you never really will, you thought.

“I know,” you played with your fingers, “Tonight's just not good for me. But we can hang out soon. I promise. I’ll...try and make time for it.”

“Really? Okay! Sounds good,” she smiled, “Oh, and I already made dinner, there’s some left on the stove if you get hungry.”

With a thanks you went to your room, shut the door, and threw yourself on the bed. The blank ceiling didn’t help to clear your mind, just made it easier for your thoughts to race out of control.

It was all just so much.

Being hunted.

Being on top of the food chain, you never knew what it was like to be the prey. There was nothing good about feeling so exposed, especially when their den was supposedly 20 or so miles away. Why did it have to be so close? You couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched even within the confines of your mind and home. The news was messing with you.

Tomorrow’s mission.

It would be easy, but you hadn’t been on a unit mission in a while, and there was always more pressure when the whole squad wasn’t present. It would only be three of you, and only two would even enter the scene at all. Shouldn’t they have mixed up the skill-set and gotten someone else other than him? Hoseok would have been great on a stealth mission like this. And why did it have to be Yoongi of all people?

Yoongi.

The confusion you felt throughout the day came rushing back again. You couldn’t understand the reason behind his thought process. He was always so hard to read and today was no different. He never seemed like the casual ‘come over and let’s just chill’ type. He always needed his space, and given your past relationship you were always more than willing to give that to him. But with your new arrangements, having him want to see you beyond lust muddied the waters. Yes, you were friends. As strange as you liked to show it, you had been so for years. But never had you made an effort to spend time alone unless it was for work. Something about it felt wrong- even more so than the hookups. It felt like a new boundary was being crossed, one that was even scarier than the first.

But god how you wanted him.

He looked oddly beautiful watching the film earlier. Seeing him in gruesome violence for years, the delicate nature of the scene was enough to take you aback. There was just something about his gentleness....

You caught yourself. The corners of your lips shifted up without approval and you wiped it clean.

No. He only wanted this because you’re the only option. It was a safe investment- not because he felt anything else. And neither did you. Nope. You couldn’t. It was against the rules.

You slapped your hand against the bed, and pushed yourself towards the bathroom for a shower. As the water ran, you stripped down in front of the mirror. Your naked body was littered with nearly invisible scratches and bruises- the norm considering your routine. You couldn’t recall the last time you saw your skin clear of any marks.

Your phone buzzed against the counter top, a sign of a text message.

Picking it up, you noticed the speed of your heart change.

-------------------

Yoongi: You get home okay?

--------------------

You rolled your eyes. As if you couldn’t handle making your way home “okay”.

---------------------

You: No

Yoongi: ???

You: Some guys told me they’d give me candy if I got in their van so 💁

idk where we’re goin tho.

just cruisin rn.

Yoongi: Stop

You: Lmaooo take a joke

Yoongi: Today was fun

--------------------

The butterflies fluttered in your stomach a bit.

---------------------------

You: Yeah great movie choice btw

Yoongi:🙄 wyd rn?

You: About to get in the shower

---------------------------

You waited for his response, but after a minute you sat the phone back down and walked towards the tub. You heard another buzz and doubled back to check.

--------------------------

Yoongi: Send me a picture

--------------------------

You stared at your screen, rereading the words to make sure you weren’t mistaken.

-----------------------

You: Of…?

Yoongi: You dumbass

Before your shower

You: so nudes

Yoongi: Yeah

I wanna see you…

But you don’t have to

------------------------

You mulled over an answer. There was something about the idea of teasing him from afar that made your stomach knot with desire. You crossed your legs tighter. He had all day during the movie to “see you”. Why choose when you’re back home and unable to touch you to ask?

You positioned yourself in front of the mirror, trying to find the best angle. Sure you had taken pictures of yourself for yourself, but never with the intention of anyone else ever seeing them.

You twisted your body to see the curves in the reflection, a hand over your head for a better view of your bare chest. Though this was new, you weren’t stupid to the rules- never show your face. With the camera placed to block everything from the chin up, you heard the shutter as you posed.

Click.

You switched angles, leaning forward with your boobs pushed together.

Click.

You sat on the counter, and turned to get a view of your perched ass in the reflection.

Click.

You went back to check them, and you couldn’t help the satisfaction. These were hot. So hot you nearly turned yourself on.

Lucky bastard, you thought

After selecting the images, your finger hovered over the send button. With a deep breath, you bit the bullet and pressed it. Your anxiety wouldn’t allow you to wait for his response, so you put your phone down and hopped into the shower. You would see his reaction when you got out.

_________________

Yoongi hadn’t left his spot on the couch since you left. He spared glimpses at his phone, waiting for you to respond. Every moment that he got nothing, he cursed himself. He was being too thirsty and freaked you out. No way you would agree to this. He didn’t know what made him type out something so blatantly horny, he was embarrassed. Maybe he should apologize. Way to push his luck and make it awkward.

He was just so out of his mind after the assignment, he could barely think straight. He needed a distraction, anything to occupy his mind and not send him down the rabbit hole that was his unchecked fury. It just made no sense.

There was finally a vibration on his lap, and he carefully looked down to his notifications.

-------------------------

[3 attachments]

_______: Delete them from our messages after.

I expect you to kiss the ground I walk on after these. You’re welcome.

------------------------

He opened the message and caught a glimpse of the pictures. He sucked in a quick breath and threw his phone down.

He looked around the room. The others weren’t paying him any mind. Yoongi slowly picked the phone back up and took in the pictures in all their glory.

His breathing went shallow as he scrolled and zoomed on the screen. They weren’t just any crude pictures- there was an art to it that made him unable to look away. The curves of your body in the faint glow of the bathroom was delicious. Your body. God, your body. The longer he stared, he found something else to marvel over. He was glad he couldn’t see your face, because the thought of a smirk on your lips was enough to make his imagination run wild. He realized his mouth was hanging open and hurried to fix it. His pants were suddenly tighter, and he shifted to hide the sudden erection that was painfully fighting for his attention.

-------------------------

Yoongi: goddamn.

-------------------------

It sounded stupid, he knew that. But was there a right way to respond to something like that? No words or emojis would suffice. He was borderline salivating.

She told him to delete them after. Right. He still had to do that.

As Yoongi’s finger floated over the button, he found the deed harder to carry out than expected. The thought of sending them to the trash to never be seen again didn’t sit right with him.

Instead he found himself saving them to his Cloud app. They would be safe there, hidden amongst his thousands of other photos and documents. You had only said to delete them from your messages to not leave a trace, so this was still technically okay. He couldn’t think about the morality of it for too long or otherwise his conscience might disagree.

He quickly deleted the pictures from your texts and closed his eyes.

“You alright over there?” Seokjin asked, “You’ve been quiet since the mission assignment. But not, like, normal quiet.”

“Yeah, just have a headache,” Yoongi lied, carefully adjusting his throbbing dick in his pants.

“Hey the game’s starting!” Hoseok called, and the boys turned their attention to the TV.

While the announcer went on the normal spiel, Yoongi’s mind couldn’t escape the photos. For minutes he fought the urge to check his phone, but the growing boner had other plans. One more peek wouldn’t hurt, he argued.

He went to his Cloud, and found the 3 images resting at the top. He clicked them one by one, eyes caressing every pixel. His dick fought even harder against his underwear, begging for his assistance.

The fever of the game came to a peak when all the boys erupted in cheers. Yoongi jumped in his seat, seeing the others yell as the players ran across the screen.

It was nearing impossible to think. Yoongi suddenly stood up from the couch. He positioned his phone before the tent in his pants as he walked out of the living room.

“Where you goin? It’s just getting good!” Jimin called.

Yoongi hurried to his bathroom and opened the pictures again. He couldn’t undo his pants fast enough, and when he finally sprang free and wrapped his fingers around his cock he let out a shuttered breath. He stroked himself as he took in the pictures and everything they had to offer. Seeing the space between your thick thighs made precum dribble to his knuckles. He wanted to take you in the shower and feel you for real. He stroked himself faster.

The way you squeezed one of your breasts in your hands caused him to hold in a moan. The final picture was his favorite. The arch of your back as it led to your ass made his heart beat violently. He envisioned the time he fucked you from the back. The view of it bouncing back on him as you were pressed against the telescope made his eyes flutter close as he felt himself unwinding. He almost missed the toilet paper as he came moments later.

Yoongi took a deep breath and looked at his reflection. He was flushed and drained. It took every ounce of energy and self-respect to fix himself and return to the living room.

“Took you long enough, you missed the best free-throw of the season,” Namjoon said through a mouthful of pizza.

Yoongi flopped back on the sofa next to Hoseok. He felt dirty, like they could all smell his shame and fresh orgasm.

“Finally a commercial. Their entire defense needs to be benched...dude, are you looking at porn while I’m sitting right here?!” Hoseok screeched.

“What-?” Out of habit, Yoongi had gone to look at his phone again. But upon unlocking it, the image of your ass covered the entire screen.

Yoongi scrambled to close the app, but his fingers couldn’t work fast enough. In his frenzy he fumbled and dropped the phone onto the cushions.

“Hey, don’t be stingy,” Hoseok said, swooping in and kicking the phone off the sofa before Yoongi could grab it. He leaped away to put distance between them, eyes going wide, “Damn. This isn’t porn. The shitty quality and angle is pointing to personal nudes.”

Yoongi leaped off the sofa and went towards Hoseok.

“Let me be the judge of that,” Jimin said. Hoseok threw the phone across the room, and he plucked it from the air over Yoongi’s head.

Jimin whistled, “Shit...now this is how you take nudes.”

“Jimin. I’m not fucking playing with you give it b-”

“Wait, there’s more!” he cackled, scrolling through the others. He didn’t even look at Yoongi as he evaded him, jumping over the sofa and coffee table. He paused, eyes going wide as he swallowed. “Goddamn. She’s fine. What did you do to deserve nudes like this? Hey, look at this.”

Jimin jumped over to where Seokjin and Namjoon were standing. The oldest shifted to get a better look and Namjoon took his glasses off.

“Sheesh…” Seokjin’s mouth felt suddenly dry, “No wonder why you weren’t watching the game!”

Namjoon licked his lips, “Who’s even sending you these?”

Yoongi stormed over, but the leader took an instinctive step back, “Don’t fucking worry about it. Namjoon, give it back.”

Namjoon looked at the photo and then back at Yoongi, forehead creased with questions. Jimin snatched the phone from his hands.

“Yoongi got a girlfwend?” he asked in a baby voice.

“Give. It. Back.”

He didn’t dare go to Jimin again, he knew he’d only pass it to Hoseok.

“I mean he didn’t say no,” Seokjin added.

“Aww, why so bashful?” Hoseok doubled over in laughter.

Yoongi stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched by his side. He was nearly shaking with anger, and he met eyes with Namjoon who was the only one not howling like an idiot.

“Jimin, chill out. Hand him the phone back. The game is back on,” Namjoon said.

“Fuck the game, this is the best thing to happen all day!”

“Give it back or I’ll hang your entrails from the ceiling fan. Every single one of you," Yoongi seethed.

“Oh, be realistic. You can’t kill all of us,” he rolled his eyes.

Yoongi reached into the drawer under the coffee table and pulled out a trailing point combat knife.

“I’ll start with you,”

Jimin squinted, “Bullshit.”

Without hesitation, he threw the blade and made it land squarely in the opposite wall. Jimin touched his ear, and then looked down at his hand to see specks of blood from where Yoongi had clipped him.

Jimin’s shoulders dropped and after a moment of consideration he tossed the phone over.

“Learn to take a joke, asshole.”

Yoongi’s cheeks burned red, and the others cleared the way as he stomped back to his room and slammed the door.

____________________

You woke up when your head hit the car window.

“Shit,” you breathed, holding the sore spot in your groggy haze.

“Could you hit any more potholes, Jin? Fuck…” Yoongi cursed, sleep coating his voice.

“Wow, finally some company,” Seokjin said, “You’re acting like I made the damn roads, stop complaining.”

The three of you had begun your journey a little over an hour ago. Trees whizzed by your windows, and metropolitan skylines were slowly replaced with endless meadows and forests.

“Just when I thought we’d seen every inch of this region,” you said, “we end up in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.”

Seokjin snorted, fiddling with the screen on his dashboard, “Heads up, we should be arriving in 5 minutes.”

You went to your weapons case and strapped a few knives and a glock to your belt. From the passenger seat, you looked in the rearview mirror back at Yoongi. His earlier words had been his only ones all day. Even when you had been picked up for the mission, he barely spared you more than a head nod. He sat in his seat, looking out the window at the passing greenery, unblinking.

You nudged Seokjin and tilted your head towards the man in the back.

Seokjin shrugged, ‘He’s been like that all day,’ he mouthed.

He didn’t look upset, but more pensive than anything. As if he was trapped in his thoughts without a way to escape.

“Alright we’re here,” Seokjin stopped the car on the side of a desolate road in the middle of the forest.

“Uh...where’s the cabin?” you asked.

“I forgot no one checks the mission coordinates anymore but me,” he sighed, “Well, this is as far as the road will let me go. My GPS is saying the cabin is about half a mile that way.”

He pointed through the thick trees at nothing,

“So you want us to...walk.”

“I know it’s not ideal, but it's not that far.”

The distance wasn’t your issue. From the look of the sky, the sun would be setting in a few minutes, and you would rather not walk through the woods in pitch blackness.

The three of you stepped out of the van. Seokjin grabbed a few drones from the trunk and after pressing some buttons, released them into the sky toward the cabin. He honestly hated the drones, but because the targets likely didn’t have a security system to be hacked, he had to survey the mission with what devices he had.

“I’ll be checking in,” he waved as you both began the hike, “You got this, piece of cake like always.”

The leaves crunched under your shoes as you walked in silence for a couple hundred meters. The darkness of night was beginning to catch up to you. You felt the animals scurry past your feet in their haste.

You turned to Yoongi, face overcasted by shadows.

“You okay?” you asked, “You’ve been quiet.”

He didn’t say anything, and you wondered if he would respond at all until he finally muttered.

“I’m fine. Just have a lot on my mind,” he looked straight ahead.

“Is it classes? The mission? It should be an easy one like Seokjin and Mr. Kim said,” you pried.

“I just can’t wait for the day to be over.”

You nodded, “I understand. I was wondering why they dispatched us for this mission, you know? I know that they sometimes like to test different combinations, but having two specialized combat positions for such a small call doesn’t make much sense to me.”

“I was wondering the same thing.”

“You know The Academy though, it’s probably just some sort of test.”

“Well then that’s pretty fucked up.”

You waited on him to elaborate, but the conversation drifted to another hush.

“Well...if you ever want to talk about it, just know I’m here if you feel like sharing.”

“‘kay.”

After a few minutes of painful silence, you both saw a light in the distance. You slowed down, taking in the neglected cabin. The wood was covered in moss, hanging together by a few bolts. It appeared to have been forgotten amongst the woods. You couldn’t imagine life inside.

“She’s a beauty, right?” you said, hidden in the shadows behind the trees, “Jin, we made it.”

“Great. I can see you both. Look up,” you glanced up at the night sky, and a drone came to hover over your heads.

Yoongi ran a hand through his hair, “So there’s three we need to take out. You sure they’re in there?”

“I don’t see anyone, but the lights are on. In the call, Mr. Kim said that they hadn’t left in a few days. From the notes, they just went in with a big crate and haven’t even gone outside since.”

A shadow suddenly went past the window, so quick it was almost unnoticeable.

“I saw someone,” he said.

You checked the weapons on your belt, “You ready?”

He nodded, “Make it clean, make it quick. Let’s go.”

You stalked towards the cabin, mere silhouettes in the dark.

“That window looks easy to open-” you whispered, but Yoongi was already making his way to the back door. You stopped, confused by his overly eager choice, but rushed to catch up. When you approached the door, Yoongi reared back and kicked the flimsy wood in. It burst open loudly, and you both charged into what appeared to be the kitchen. One of the drones flew inside. A man stood at the stove, bread in his hand as he turned to you both.

“Now, wait what the f-”

You recognized his face from the photos. Yoongi began to move towards him, but you were already in motion. With a few quick strides you closed the distance. You took the blade from your belt and made a fluid slash across the throat. It was seamless with no splatters- an angle you had worked to master for some time now. His body slumped down, joining the shadows casted on the wooden floor.

Yoongi looked down at the body, “I had it, you know.”

“Didn’t know you had claimed him, I was just trying to get it done. I’ll let you take the next one,” you said carefully.

He took in the nearly empty interior. No one else was in sight, and it was quieter than expected. You heard some faint motion close by, though it was hard to pinpoint.

You both slowly rounded the corner to see a door with steps leading downwards.

“Pat, hurry the hell up! We’re gonna start without you!” a voice called from the basement. Soon after came the sound of whimpers and muffled screams.

Footsteps led up towards you as someone climbed the stairs.

“God dammit, every time. Get down here!” said a man with a buzz cut. He froze when he saw you at the top of the stairs. Before he could react, Yoongi planted a foot in his chest, making the man fall and tumble down the stairs.

You rushed down, stepping over his groaning body at the base of the steps.

“Why wouldn’t you just take him out…then?” you began to ask your squad mate. Your hand was on your belt, ready to take out the man at the bottom of the stairs when you turned to see the rest of the basement instead. You felt your blood run cold at the sight before you.

In the basement was the 3rd target, a ceremonial mask covering his eyes. He was fiddling with the restraints of a woman sitting naked on the floor. They sat in the middle of a circle painted by what you had assumed to be blood.

“What the fuck?!” the masked man blurted. He jumped up, running towards a shotgun in the corner of the room. Before he could reach it you threw one of your knives. It landed in his hand, pinning him to the wall.

Yoongi stood by the steps, immobile with wide eyes. You followed his gaze to the woman. Her eyes had been covered with a scarf and mouth gagged with a rag. She cried, balling up on the floor to hide from the new unseen horrors she heard. On her wrist, a red circle glistened under the lights.

“Seokjin...the targets have a victim here,” you said tightly.

“What?!” the drone came down the stairs and paused next to you, “Oh god. The crate. She was here this whole time.”

“What the fuck do we do?!”

“I’ll call the police.”

“Police?! This can’t be a job for the Cleanup Crew?!”

“I’m already dispatching the cops. This wasn’t a part of the plan but they’ll take care of her. Just finish the job and get the hell out of there!”

Yoongi’s breathing was shallow. His legs shook under him as if they would give out at any minute. His vision never broke from the woman, eyes zeroed in with a laser focus.

Behind him there was a quick motion. The man at the stairs had picked up an axe, ready to swing at your squad mate. Yoongi didn’t move, unaware of his surroundings.

“Yoongi, watch out!” Seokjin warned.

You reached for the gun in your belt and fired two shots to the man’s forehead.

The shots snapped Yoongi out of his haze. He jumped, and turned to see the body tumble behind him. He looked at you in awe.

“I…” he tried, lost for words.

The final man had pulled the knife from his hand and slumped against the wall.

“Who are you?! W-who sent you?!” his voice shook.

Yoongi faced him slowly, jaw taut and far away. He advanced across the floor, closing the distance between them as the masked man screamed to spare his life.

Yoongi crouched down, eye level with him. He pulled the mask away, exposing a thin face and pleading eyes. Yoongi went for the long knife at his side.

“Please. Please, I’m begging you…”

Yoongi plunged the knife into the target’s chest. It went deep, piercing his heart. The man’s eyes went out of focus as life left him. Yoongi pulled the stained knife out, but didn’t place it back in his belt. He lurched the weapon forward again and again, stabbing so many times you lost count. He grunted with every dig long after the man had stilled. Crimson slowly spread across the man’s white shirt.

“Woah, stop!” you screamed. You grabbed his arm and pushed him back, “What the hell are you doing? It’s over!”

Yoongi’s face twisted in pain. He was shaking, looking at the body infront of him with a sense of stunning realization. Time caught up to him and the room realigned in his vision. He closed his eyes to collect himself.

He dropped the knife to grab his head.

The woman on the floor continued to cry, hyperventilating as she tried to force words through the gag. You moved over to her and she flinched. She looked to be in her late 20s- not much older than you if you had to guess. You racked your brain for a solution- you couldn’t take off her blindfold because then she would see your faces. If the cops were coming, you didn’t want to involve her with the repercussions of that, especially when The Academy would be involved. Though at the same time, you didn’t want to leave her stranded and tied up in the house with three dead bodies.

“Um, you guys, the police are here. They just pulled up about 100 meters behind me and are walking to the cabin now,” Seokjin said, “Get out while you can.”

“Shit,” you breathed. You slowly went to grab the rag from the woman’s mouth, and she craned away, “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe. We’re not going to hurt you.”

“Please get me out of here. Please...” she cried.

“Okay, we will! They can’t hurt you anymore. The police are coming. Just let me untie you first,” you went to undo the rope, but paused, “But when I do I need you to stay calm and leave your blindfold on.”

“L-leave it on?” she asked, head whipping from side to side in her confusion.

“Trust me. If you can’t do that, I can’t untie you.”

“Okay,” she said, weakly.

With one glide of your knife she was free. She touched at the mark at her arm and her face contorted in agony at the burn. You could only imagine her suffering those few days.

“We gotta go!” you called to Yoongi, helping the young woman to her feet, “Now!”

Yoongi eventually pushed himself off the floor with unstable legs. He reached for a blanket hanging from the back of a chair, and handed it to you. You wrapped it around her as you guided her quickly up the stairs and past the men on the floor.

“Wh-who are you? Oh, god. Where are we going?” she struggled to hold herself up, and you and Yoongi supported most of her weight as you walked through the cabin.

“We’re just going outside,” you finally made it to the front porch, and she flinched when she was met with the night chill. You sat her down. Two drones glided outside and into the trees.

“So what now?” Yoongi whispered uneasily, “Do we just leave her here?”

“He said they’re on their way. She-” in the dark you heard rustling and voices. They weren’t too close, but earshot for you was close enough. You bent to her level, “Hey, the police are almost here. We’re gonna leave. Just...don’t uncover your eyes until we do.”

“Wait, no where am I? Don’t leave,” she pleaded.

“We’re just on the porch. We have to. I’m sorry.”

She moved her head to follow your voices, “Thank you. Thank you so much-”

“I see it!” called an officer in the distance.

With a final rub to her shoulder, you and Yoongi jumped off the porch and bolted into the dark forest. Looking back, you saw a group of officers run to the porch to assess her. She had taken off her blindfold and was looking around in a daze.

More officers were coming, and you both tried to run in silence while not being seen by their flashlights. You could barely see your hand in front of your face, the moon above your only guide. You ran hard, trying to not bump into trees while also checking the constellations above for the right directions.

Suddenly a flashlight crossed your vision, and Yoongi yanked you behind a tree.

You worked to catch your breath and listened for the officers to pass.

“Are we going the right way?” you whispered to him. He didn’t answer, instead looking at you with the same spacey, glazed stare from earlier, “What? And what the hell was that about back there anyway?”

“You saved my life…” he responded, his voice dreamy. His eyebrows joined together, relaying a focus that he didn’t seem to have. He seemed far away, but appeared to truly see you for the first time all night.

“Yeah, but Yoongi that wasn’t the question.”

Using his grip on your arm, he pulled you into him. His lips crashed onto yours in a messy, hard kiss. His hand went to tangle in your hair, knuckles meeting the root. You fought to understand in your haze. He grabbed your waist and tugged your body closer. You could feel the metal of the knives on his belt at your stomach, and it snapped you back.

You pushed his hand down and moved your face away.

“Yoongi, wh-”

Just then, there was a whiz above your heads as a drone flew above and past you. Both of you watched as it disappeared in the direction of Seokjin’s car. You met eyes again, but this time his expression mirrored the panic you felt.

“Oh no...” he muttered.

You didn’t want to think too much, only make it back to the car. If you really assessed the situation in your head, you knew you’d crumble.

You burst out running again, following the drone all the way until you saw the road. It was lit with shining police lights, and you finally saw the van hidden in the line of trees far ahead. When you reached it, you yanked open the door and threw yourselves inside.

“Finally!” Seokjin put the car in drive and whipped the wheel back out onto the road. As he fiddled with the navigation, you watched for any differences in his behavior. He sighed, “That was not supposed to happen.”

“What?” you blurted.

“What? The girl! Was she okay?”

“Okay? No. But the police got her,” you groaned, remembering, “The police. We called the fucking police to the sight of our mission.”

The Academy's Cleanup Crew always came after your missions to get rid of the mess and any evidence the squad may have left behind. The targets always simply “disappeared”. So calling the police to the scene before Cleanup could handle it was a nightmare in it’s own.

“I know, I know. It seems bad and it’s going to be a headache for me later but we had to do it for her. The Academy will probably have to make contact with local law enforcement again to cover our tracks, but they shouldn’t get her involved too much.”

“I really hope so,” you said.

“She...didn’t see you right?” he asked. You shook your head, “Good. That would have been a whole other problem.”

You used the rearview mirror to look at Yoongi. He was expressionless, and Seokjin followed your gaze, “Yoongi, you okay back there? Back at the mission…” you held your breath, “...it seemed like you lost focus. It was a bit of an...overkill, you think?”

You could tell Seokjin was trying to tread lightly. Though you wondered the same, as neither had seen such pointed aggression and bloodlust on a mission. Killing was always matter of fact- one and done. Never something to revel and bask in for too long.

“I just forgot where I was. That’s all,” was his reply.

The landscape turned into city, and Seokjin cursed when he saw his gas was low. He pulled into a dim gas station, and fiddled with a screen on a computer. It showed the woods and the cabin, and you watched as you stormed in after Yoongi kicked open the door.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Just making sure the drones picked up and recorded the feed from the mission,” Seokjin responded, absentminded as he clicked around.

“You recorded it?” you tried to remain calm, but you heard your voice climb an octave, “I thought you just watched in the moment.”

“Yeah I do but I can’t catch everything.”

“So...do you record with all of the drones?”

He snorted, “Duh, I use them to track patterns for my logs, you know that. And with the police involved this time, this footage will be really useful to me and The Academy later.”

“Of course,” you said, “Jin, I really need to be back home soon, could we hurry.”

He gave you a look, “Uh, sure.”

Seokjin got out to pump the gas and you looked between him and the monitor.

“Hey! While you’re out, could you go inside the convenience store and get me some chips or something. I’m really hungry.”

He scoffed “Who do you think I am? No. Get it yourself.”

“Please! You’re already outside. The mission took a lot out of me. I didn’t eat all day,” you begged, “Please, I’ll love you forever.”

He took a deep breath, “What flavor?”

“Surprise me.”

He muttered to himself as he walked toward the store. You shot to action, pulling down any tabs to find the right button.

“Fuck, do you think he saw us?” Yoongi leaned on your seat to get a view of the screen.

“I doubt it. He’s acting too normal.”

“Try that tab!” he reached over you, pointing. Your unease mounted with every word and direction he gave you, “No, not that one! Okay, try that one. Shit, he’s paying at the counter, hurry-”

“Yoongi!” you exploded, “Shut the fuck up!”

“I’m trying to help-”

“You did enough, don’t you think?! Jesus, just...I’ve got it! Give me a break. For fuck’s sake!”

He sat back down. After exhausting your options, you found a video file with the day’s date on it. You hit ‘Delete all’ and suddenly the video on the screen disappeared. You checked the trash and found nothing. You went to any other obvious folders in the confusing layout of his computer and came up empty.

You looked up to see Seokjin walking towards the car and you quickly restarted the laptop.

He opened the door and dropped two bags into your lap, “I didn’t know if you liked sour cream and onion or honey butter so I got both. Hey, what happened to my computer?”

“Thanks! Oh, it just restarted out of nowhere. It said something about needing an update and then just turned off.”

“What? No…” when it rebooted he went to his files. He searched in silence for a bit, face etched in confusion, “No, no, no. The footage from today’s mission is gone!”

“Huh? How?” you feigned, going to check for yourself.

“How does that even happen? I was sure I had it saved.”

“Damn, I’m sorry,” you said, “Is that the only copy you have?”

“Unfortunately. This day couldn’t get any worse.”

He pulled off from the gas station and continued back to the city. The whole time, ranting about his shitty computer and The Academy needing to give him another version. You grunted in agreement, and Yoongi remained silent the rest of the ride home.

___________________

After dodging her for months, it finally happened.

She couldn’t be more ecstatic when you said you were free for the night, jumping into action immediately with ideas of how to spend your time. It wasn’t like you had much else to do.

A few days had passed since the last mission in the woods, and you’d like to think you were doing a good job avoiding your squad members. You didn’t have anything against all of them, but being in their presence after the night you had was the last thing you wanted. It was rare to not hang out at least every other day, but the time alone was needed. You saw them in class and went straight home after despite their questions and protests. More and more unread and unanswered texts were piling up in your phone. You knew everything was alright- if they really needed you, you would know. You knew them too well. According to the text previews, you picked up that they went to grab drinks at the bar about an hour ago. A part of you wished you had gone, but the other knew the break was needed. So on this break, you finally gave Luna a shot. Spending the entire evening with the girl you hadn’t had a conversation longer than 5 minutes with was beyond your comfort zone.

Luna’s idea was to bake dessert. Consequently, you spent the time shuffling around each other in the small kitchen as she led the whole operation. She did most of the work, and you handed her ingredients as she rattled off. You learned that she was an Environmental Sustainability major. You honestly felt bad. You had been living with the girl for months and didn’t even know what she was going to school for.

You also learned that she really wasn’t that bad. She talked a lot, but she seemed to mean well. She was an only child like you, was allergic to cats, and hated the head cell biology professor with a passion. When you were both sitting on the living room floor borderline wine drunk and stuffed on cake, she only got more animated.

“He’s the worst! I kid you not, he almost made me drop out!” she cried. Her face was getting redder with every sip.

“Was he just a hard grader?” you laughed.

“Yeah but he also had the nerve to lecture and not share the slides online! If you missed 3 classes you just failed. He would embarrass you if you missed an answer,“ she counted off with her fingers. “Just trash!”

“He had the coffee breath too, right?”

She pointed at you, “Yes! The coffee breath! How could I forget that?! He made me want to break his nose then my own. Wait, did you have him too? What class?”

You shook your head. It felt a bit heavier than usual in your tipsiness, “I didn’t, but my friend Jin did and he said the same thing.”

“Ah, he’s in that group of guys you always hang out with, right?” you nodded, “How did you guys become friends? I’ve always wondered that.”

You shifted“I don’t know, we’ve just known each other for a really long time. We went through our more formative years together and just never let the other go.”

It may have been the wine, but you felt a pang of regret for ignoring them. Maybe you were doing too much.

“How can you stand being around them all day? They’re all so...hot,” she said, “You’ve never dated any of them before? Hooked up with them? None of them?”

“N-no, nothing like that. I can’t.”

“You can't?” She raised her brow, smirking, “Ah, so you would if you could?”

“No! They’re like my best friends, I couldn’t do it.”

“Not even the angry looking one that slept over that time?”

You stiffened, “You know about that?”

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t know it was a secret. I just saw him leaving one morning and assumed you were dating or something.”

“No, no, it’s not a secret or anything like that,” you rushed, “He had to sleep over because of the bad rain the night before. We’re just friends but its…”

“Complicated?” she asked.

“I mean...,” you laughed, “we’re just not really talking right now. But we’re still just friends.”

She tilted her head, looking at you with a wistful smile, “It's obvious they mean a lot to you.”

“They do. I couldn’t make it without them.”

Luna reached out to twirl a strand of hair between her fingers. Her gaze was suddenly intense as she held your eyes, “________, you’re a beautiful independent woman. You can make it without a man.”

Her stare was unnerving. The stoniness in her voice made a chill run up your back.

“I know, I’m just saying,” you turned your face away, laughing to hide your discomfort.

Your phone buzzed against your lap and you gave in to check. You wish you hadn’t.

------------------------

Yoongi: you home?

I know you see my messages

don’t ignore me

You: why what do you want?

Yoongi: I’m coming by

You: again, why?

Yoongi: I just want to talk

Pls

------------------------

You put your phone back down and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear, right? The friend I’ve been avoiding is coming over and it looks like I can’t put it off anymore. I’m sorry...”

Luna pouted, “Ah, I see. Well it’s okay. It was fun to hang out while we could.”

You nodded, “Yeah, this was pretty great.”

There was a knock on the door. It was sooner than you expected. You pushed yourself off from the floor and went to the door. Yoongi stood on the other side, hands in his pockets and looking unusually hesitant.

You didn’t spare eye contact or words as you waved him in.

“Hey!” Luna waved from her spot on the floor. She gave you a knowing look.

You cleared your throat, “Luna, this is Yoongi. You met him before.”

Yoongi gave a tight smile, “Hi.”

“Ah, right! I’ve seen you around before. I went to your apartment that one time, right?”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Um, yeah, that was my place.”

You led Yoongi back to your room and Luna called after him, “Nice to see you again!”

When you closed the door there was an expected silence. You turned to really look at him for the first time. His eyes were glassy and his entire face was tinted-red. You realized he reeked of alcohol.

You looked him up and down, “Jesus, are you drunk? Do the boys know you’re over here?”

He just shook his head as he walked to your bed. He didn’t usually drink much, and when he did he was always one to at least act the most sober.

He tossed himself across the mattress, putting an arm over his eyes. He tapped the space next to him, an invitation. You placed your phone on your desk and sat on the edge of the bed. You contemplated calling one of the boys to come get him, but you knew all the questions would be redirected to you.

“What did you want to talk about, Yoongi?”

“Not yet,” he said. “I just want to stay like this for a while.”

You stared at him, but he stayed still. You went to stand up, and his free hand went to wrap around your waist, pulling you to lay beside him.

You were pressed against his body and began to push away despite how good him and his sweater felt against you, “We shouldn’t do this. You said you wanted to talk, so what?”

“Please,” he breathed, “Just stay.”

You relaxed, giving in only for a bit. He held on tight, arm still firm around you. You suddenly became aware of the state the wine had left you in. You were doing a better job of holding yourself together than him, but having his arms around you mixed with your own looseness was a combo your subconscious was too eager to accept. His breathing was steady as your ear rested on his chest, and after a while you thought he had fallen asleep. The ceiling fan whooshed above you, and as you waited the hypnotic spin made you lose track of time.

His voice broke the hush of the room.

“I’m so sorry, ______.”

“You gotta be more specific.”

“I meant what I said. I forgot where I was.”

“Yoongi, I can’t say he didn’t deserve it, but that’s never been us. You know that,” you gulped, “What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” you repeated.

“I don’t. I went too far. I feel like...like I left myself,” he said in a low voice. Though you were unbearably close, he sounded so far away, “I swear I had no control for the first time ever. It was wrong. I know that. I couldn’t stop.”

“But...why?”

“I just lost sight of the mission. I put you in a bad place and you had to pick up the slack for my psychotic break, or whatever the hell that was, and I feel like shit for it. Hell, you had to save my life because I couldn’t fucking handle myself,” his voice broke as he desperately pushed the words out. “And the kiss,” he groaned. “I fucked up so bad. And you handled that too. It was a close call and it was all my fault. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. But I want to thank you for stopping me.”

It wasn’t lost on you that he didn’t really answer your question. In all of your years of knowing each other, you never knew him to be someone to lay his heart and regrets plain out on display for just anyone. Whether it was the alcohol or sheer pain that drove him to it, you didn’t know, but it was unsettling. You just wanted to know why. “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that.”

“I deserved every bit of that and more. I didn’t hold up my end at all, I just made problems.”

“I meant what I said earlier too, you know.”

“What?”

Your arms went to wrap around his waist before you could stop yourself. He relaxed in your arms and you couldn’t let go.

“Back in the forest. I’m still here if you need to talk, you know. We’re friends after all, Yoongi. I just don’t want you to hold that shit in if you don’t have to,” you moved your head to look up at him.

A painful smile made its way to him.

Yoongi went to nuzzle his nose in your neck. Your eyes fluttered closed until he whined.

“I wanna stay like this forever.”

You went stiff, “Forever? You know we...can’t.”

“I can dream can’t I?”

He didn’t seem to get it. If in his dreams he saw you being this way forever, he was more far gone than you believed.

He looked you over again, “You don’t want this forever?”

There was such sadness in his glazed eyes, it would hurt you too to say what you should have said. Instead you stayed quiet.

“I know it's wrong, I know there are rules, but I like us this way.”

“Don’t…”

“Why?” it was his turn to ask, lips grazing your warm neck.

“You know why...we just can’t.”

“But you like to be with me like this too, right?”

You didn’t even have to ask what “like this” meant.

“I don’t think either of us are in the right head space to make that call.”

“Beyond the fucking. This is something we can do more. Hell, is it so wrong to want to hold you?”

“It-it just blurs the lines even more,” you stammered when his nose traced your collarbone.

“Screw the blurred lines. Screw The Academy. I like us like this, _____. And secretly, I think you do too.”

You felt yourself short-circuiting, “I think the lines are important because without them I can’t understand what this is.”

He stopped to search your face again, “Well what do you understand?”

His eyes were so deep. When you answered you were trapped in them, “That I like this more than I should.”

When the answer left you, there was a curse in your sober subconscious. Though seeing his face soften from the wounded mask he wore earlier almost made you forgive yourself. Almost.

It happened slowly, unlike the others. You watched each other, letting your words hang in the air before the other moved. You were the first to close the distance, Yoongi soon followed. When your lips met in the middle there was no rushed crash, no hurry driven by lust. He held your cheek in the most gentle way. Your lips pressed against his, and for the first time there was no fight for dominance. Your hand went to the nape of his neck, pulling him closer in your already tight position. He rolled himself over you, holding himself up with both hands on either side of your head. Yoongi looked you over for a second before dipping his lips back to yours.

You rolled over again, your knees on either side of his torso as you straddled him. You grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him again. His hands went to your back, skin burning under his fingertips. You went to grab at the bottom of your shirt, and he stopped you.

“You don’t have to, you know?” he said, eyes searching yours.

“But I want to.”

He moved his hand and you raised your huge t-shirt above your head and discarded it onto the floor.

The look he gave you was one of such unfiltered admiration it scared you. His gaze raked across your naked upper body.

“You’re so beautiful,” he proclaimed in such a way your face became hot.

He pulled you down to him again. His large hands traced up your thigh slowly, making you remember your revealing shorts. His touch lit a flame under your skin wherever he touched. Though it wasn’t entirely desire that you felt. This was different. Something that made your chest feel warm and butterflies dance in the pit of your stomach.

“Was that the front door?” he suddenly asked.

“No,” you quickly dismissed him, groaning when his lips went back to your neck. The growing wetness in your panties was a distraction, but you tried your best to listen through your labored breaths.

He sighed, the puff tickling the sensitive skin. He whispered, nearly soundless “Shit...I just like you so much.”

You froze.

You slowly pushed yourself up. Looking down at him, even through the alcohol he seemed to know he had crossed a line.

“You what?”

_________________

When Jungkook left the bar with the others, he was surprisingly sober. He had downed 3 beers and a tequila shot without an issue and was actually disappointed. Getting wasted would have been nice considering the trash week of classes he was having and not remembering the grade he just got on his last quiz would have been the cherry on top.

“What’s been going on with him anyways? You all noticed, right?” Hoseok asked, arm around Namjoon’s shoulder.

“How could we not? He barely said shit the whole night,” Jimin said, “How do you get shitfaced and then get up and leave? That’s just sad.”

“Did he even say where he was going?” Taehyung asked.

“No, but it's not like we have to worry about him handling himself.”

“I should check on him,” Namjoon said, “He’s been acting off for almost a week.”

“Check on _____ while you’re at it. She’s been off too.”

“You sure she’s not just finally tired of us? I wouldn’t blame her,” Seokjin said.

The others were making their way back home and Jungkook stopped to linger on the sidewalk. If he continued down this street and made a right, he’d be at your place, he noted. He suddenly remembered what you owed him.

“What?” Taehyung burped.

“You can go back, I’ll catch up later. ________’s still got my baby.”

“Whatever,” he gave a peace sign and ran to catch up to the rest.

As Jungkook walked under the dim street lights, he couldn’t help but wonder about you. After Yoongi left the bar, Seokjin had told them that the last mission was a rough one, partially because of Yoongi. This wasn’t new though, you had all seen your fair share of fucked up shit over the years. So it didn’t make sense for you to ignore everyone for days on end over it.

He looked at the texts he had sent you. None of them were opened.

-----------------------------

Jungkook: Stop ignoring me I’m coming over rn

U better be home

If not im breaking in 😜

-----------------------------

When he finally made it to your place, he pounded on the door. When it opened he readied to walk in, but he stopped when he saw the person on the other side.

“Hi?” Luna asked.

Jungkook forgot she lived there too, “‘Sup?”

“Oh, you’re _________’s friend, right?”

“Yeah, is she here?”

“Yeah, come in,” Luna stepped aside as Jungkook took his shoes off, leaving them beside a pair that was too big for either of the girls that lived there. He didn’t notice, “She might be a little busy though.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows joined in confusion. Like that actually mattered to him, “Uh, okay? Where is she?”

Luna pointed down the hall, “Back in her room.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Luna went back to her own room and Jungkook followed her directions down the dark hallway. He had to stop himself from salivating as he pictured what was soon to be his. He seized the handle of your door and thrust it forward.

“Ha! Can’t ignore me now, can you?”

He blinked a few times thinking something would change. In the time void the bedroom had become, everything stayed the same.

You were still mounting Yoongi.

Yoongi still held a handful of your ass.

Your bodies were still entangled in the sheets.

You were still topless.

The scene never changed.

But Jungkook wished it had.

Previous Next

_________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading like always! Feel free to lmk your thoughts 👀

#bts smut #bts angst #bts fanfiction #yoongi smut #did #the danger in duality #namjoon #seokjin #yoongi #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts x reader #bts au #kpop fanfic

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wolfinshipclothing · 3 years

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Summary: I need to hurry up, she kept thinking. Any minute now, her dad could come home early, tired from a lazy dayshift. Or her mom could drop with the excuse she forgot something, and use the opportunity to check out on her daughter. Her independent, smart and intelligent daughter. Then Connie would have to explain to her what said daughter was doing sitting on her bed, in her bathrobe, fresh from the shower, holding a blood-stained shirt over her forearm, with a pair of scissors resting at her side.

The same pair of scissors that went missing a month ago, by the way.

Excerpt:

But what about you? You never tell me what's up," said Steven and Connie perceived the sourness. "How's cram school going?"

"It's going," she said flatly.

"That's good. How about Lion? I haven't seen the little rascal since forever."

"You know him. He comes and goes as he pleases."

"Right, right." Silence. She wished Steven would stop asking questions and just talk. "Connie, are you alright? You sound a bit under the weather; and I am the one about to be soaked."

Steven's attempt at humor was ignored; the red lines over Connie's arm caught all her attention. There was not a discussion inside her head. There was a whole fucking debate, with a hundred people committee and a chairman that was chewing her nails as she waiting for the lunch break.

"I don't know," she said, choosing simple words.

"What do you mean? Did something happen or…?"

"It's just one of these days, you know?"

Steven's silence asked her to elaborate. The cuts of her arms seemed to shine brighter, mocking her for her weakness.

Welp, i came crawling back from my hole with this fic. Mind you its a very angsty, sensible fic bout self-harming and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I wrote this because 1) its always Steven the one that is hurting and needs helps, and Connie the one who is there to put him back on his fic. Few times i have seen the opposite.

And 2) this has been a shitty year. To everyone in the world, obviously. Just have been very garbage to me. Or maybe I AM the one who was being garbage to myself. In any case, i haven’t been feeling well, and decided to write up my feelings into the characters i am currently hyper-fixating on.

Is it healthy? Who knows! But it DID made me feel better. I hope this fic, if it doesn’t trigger some catharsis in you guys, at least entertain you all for a while.

Anyway, that’s all. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year folks.

(You can also read it in Fanfiction, btw)

"You might imagine that a person would resort to self-mutilation only under extremes of duress, but once I'd crossed that line the first time, taken that fateful step off the precipice, then almost any reason was a good enough reason, almost any provocation was provocation enough. Cutting was my all-purpose solution." —Caroline Kettlewell, "Skin Game".

Connie’s mind was beyond herself; far, far away, where she couldn’t reach it. Her body was heavy; lead weight held together by rusted tin bolts. And Connie was trapped inside it, with no company but the stinging pain on her arm and the weight of the shirt she kept against it.

How long have I been like this? She wondered. It felt like hours. Her legs were like paper; where she not sitting on her bed, she would have already plummeted to the floor.

I need to hurry up, she kept thinking. Any minute now, her dad could come home early, tired from a lazy dayshift. Or her mom could drop with the excuse she forgot something, and use the opportunity to check out on her daughter. Her independent, smart and intelligent daughter. Then Connie would have to explain to her what said daughter was doing sitting on her bed, in her bathrobe, fresh from the shower, holding a blood-stained shirt over her forearm, with a pair of scissors resting at her side.

The same pair of scissors that went missing a month ago, by the way.

Connie lifted the shirt. The bleeding had stopped. The cuts were all dry out now —probably had been for a few minutes— but they still shined with a disgusting color. The marks from last time were underneath; red rivers over dried out canals. Feral slashes over healed scars.

Connie dropped her head onto her hands, elbows on her knees, and applied pressure over her temples. That usually helped her think.

“Stupid,” she said with a sore voice. “Stupid, stupid. You always do the same.”

Connie’s harming habit have come, less like a metaphorical descent into madness and more like a —also metaphorical— walk down a descending staircase, where each step would disappear behind you, leaving you no choice but to go further down, into the dark.

It gradually became a routine. If she’d messed up a test, she would spend all night studying the subject. If she’d snapped at her mom in a moment of hormonal-fueled rage, she would skip dinner —breakfast too, if possible. If she’d been so absorbed in her own world she’d ghosted her friends, she would train with her sword until her palms were all blistered. Small pinches of pain she could administer, in measurable doses and only when it was justified.

It was astounding how quickly she lost sight of what was measurable and justified.

But the real aggravating part of it, in Connie’s opinion, was how much of her time it takes. It’d taken her a whole morning of self-loathing for the static to take over her body. Once it did, she lost control and started attacking her outer forearm with swift, brutal slashes, instead of the controlled cuts she usually administered. When she saw what she’d done, she panicked and reached for her neatly folded white shirt. What a waste. She had barely bled a few fat drops, yet it was more than enough to ruin her favorite shirt.

She’d been quiet since then, holding the soon-to-be-rag over her arm and trying to grasp her slippery psyche at the same time. She could feel her body, but she wasn’t in it. Her brain was working itself to death, but she’d no control over its thoughts. Like Schrodinger’s cat, it was like she was there and not there at the same time. Alive and Dead. Connie has come to call this dissociative state ‘the limbo’. And she was knees deep in it now. And it must be past noon already!

If I could make my butt to get up and clean up this mess, maybe I could sit down and have some work done. Otherwise, this would be a lost day.

The thought loomed over her. A lost day. She couldn’t let that happen. Now she just had to find a way to get out of the fog of her mind…

The phone ringed. Connie as much as jumped from the bed, dropping the shirt and scissors on the floor. She reached for her phone on the table.

BISCUIT

Just left the hotel and hit the road. The engine sounds like it’s about to choke to death, tho. I hope it doesn’t break before reaching New Orleans. Call me when you have a break! Love you!

Connie sighed; her heart’s palpitations echoing in her ears. How ridiculous! Jumping to grab her phone as if she’d been caught. Like some bad horror movie; someone on the other side would said ‘you have been seen’ and then hang up, leaving Connie panicking like a fool. Ridiculous!

She grabbed the scissors and the shirt with one hand, the phone with the message she ought to respond in the other. She glanced at the bed; the sheets were wet, she ought to change those. Her arm was still stinging; she ought to treat the wounds. Also, she ought to get properly dressed. And her test was still on the desk, waiting for her…

Connie groaned and gravitated naturally towards the bed and felt into it. She’d never had trouble compartmentalizing before. She also had never been in the limbo this long before, however.

She found herself thinking of Steven; living on the open road, driving that tank with radio he calls ‘car’, doing whatever he wants, going whenever he wants to go —previously checking his rigorous list of places to go. Being whoever he wants to be.

This made Connie mad. She didn’t want to be mad. She rotated her phone in her hand several times, thinking.

I could call him, she thought. You are supposed to reach out when… in situations like this, right?

Her stomach grumbled with acid reflux. She definitely didn’t want to talk to Steven —nor anyone else, really. But hearing a friendly voice could be what she needs to get back on her feet.

She pressed the name on the screen and put the phone on speaker. It rang. Please don’t pick up, please don’t…

Schick.

“Hey Connie! What’s up?”

“Hey Steven. Are you busy?” she asked.

“Not at all. The road’s pretty calm. I think there is a storm coming though; there are some mean-looking clouds above me,” said Steven, a bit uncertain. “Are you on your break?”

In a manner of speaking. “Yeah. I just thought… you know, checking out on you.”

“Making sure I didn’t pick any new hitchhiker? I’ll let you know I haven’t done that since Miami Beach,” he laughed. “Seriously though, you should have seen the motel I crashed last night. ‘Sir-sleep-a-lot’ was the name, and it was great. There’d a real-looking imitation sword and shield above the bed! That’s the stuff you won’t see in any fancy-brand hotel.”

Connie smiled briefly. Despite everything that’d happened to Steven —and he really broke the limit of shit that could happen to a person—, he was still the same kind-hearted boy that got emotional over the simpler stuff.

“But what about you? You never tell me what’s up,” said Steven and Connie perceived the sourness. “How’s cram school going?”

“It’s going,” she said flatly.

“That’s good. How about Lion? I haven’t seen the little rascal since forever.”

“You know him. He comes and goes as he pleases.”

“Right, right.” Silence. She wished Steven would stop asking questions and just talk. “Connie, are you alright? You sound a bit under the weather; and I am the one about to be soaked.”

Steven’s attempt at humor was ignored; the red lines over Connie’s arm caught all her attention. There was not a discussion inside her head. There was a whole fucking debate, with a hundred people committee and a chairman that was chewing her nails as she waiting for the lunch break.

“I don’t know,” she said, choosing simple words.

“What do you mean? Did something happen or…?”

“It’s just one of these days, you know?”

Steven’s silence asked her to elaborate. The cuts of her arms seemed to shine brighter, mocking her for her weakness.

“I’m doing badly,” Connie said quickly. “I’m feeling real bad right now and I don’t even know why,” she added, only half-lying.

There was a long mmm on the other side of the line.

“Alright. I’m going home,” said Steven.

Connie’s heart started to race. “You can’t do that. You are driving... a-and your schedule-”

“I’ll just park on a side of the road. There are some nice trees I can park under. Then I’ll call Lion and be there in a flash.”

No, no, NO. “Steven, you really don’t have to.”

“It’s no problem at all! I want to be with you-“

“Steven, I don’t want to see you, OK!” Connie bolted upright, sitting on the bed. “Nobody asked you to do anything! Why do you always have to make things about yourself?”

Silence. A gust of wind came from the window, chilling Connie to the bones. She squeezed her left hand until it hurt. The scissors were still there. She glanced at her right arm; smooth and clean of any mark. Connie was right handed, but she could make an exception.

The thought alone shook her to her core, making her open her palm. The scissors felt with a clink-clank. She brought the phone closer to her face.

“Please,” Connie muffled a choke with her free hand, “please don’t go. Can you just talk to me?”

More silence, and there was a moment in which Connie knew ‘this is it, my best friend hates me forever’. But then there was a sliding noise, and the rumble of dirt being removed. There was also a distant boom; a storm was about to drop.

“I stopped the car,” said Steven. “I’m here for you, if you want.”

Great. It’s not like that’ll deepen Connie’s guilt.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. Dark walls were closing around her, and the only source of light was her phone and the person on the other side. Obstinate tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Please don’t say that. I know… you know that’s not true,” Steven measured each word as he spoke. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, “I’m just being a big baby, that’s all.” No answer. He’s not gonna make it easy for her, is he? “I’m mad. Really mad.”

“Mad at me?”

Connie grumbled as an answer. She heard Steven’s struggle to swallow.

“Right. Not about me.”

“Exactly,” she said, although it was a half truth.

“I’m mad at myself,” she proceeded. “I’m mad because I fail at everything I do.” Connie took several breaths. Here comes the bomb: “I flunked at my practice college entrance test.”

More silence.

“Go on,”

“Aren’t you gonna say its stupid?” she asked cautiously. She’d expected a scoff, a snicker. Maybe even some laughter.

“I’m listening,” Steven insisted.

Connie tried to put some verbal sense in the ball yarn that was her mind.

“I really flunked it, you know,” she said, waiting —hoping— for a reprimand. “Even the stuff that I’ve studied and re-studied.”

“But it was just a practice test. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything, Steven,” she cried. “If I’d taken it today, I would have gotten a garbage grade.”

Connie cleaned the tears away with the back of her hand. The gust coming from the window was making her shiver. Her wet hair and the soaked sheets were not helping either.

“It like everything I had done, all the hard work I put into it was for nothing,” she said. “Everything feels so pointless.”

“I don’t think it was,” said Steven, carefully. “Even if you failed, you still practiced for the real one. Don’t give up. Going to college was your dream.”

“Was it? I don’t really know.” Connie bit her lip. “No, that’s a lie. I do want to go to college. I just wonder if it’s worth it. I mean, what’s the point of trying so hard if I fail anyway? Do you have any idea how many nights I lost for this? O-or how many times I had to put my friends on hold because I was busy studying?”

She stopped. She felt as if her breath was stolen from her.

“Of course you do,” she sighed. “And it was all for nothing. I failed at this as I fail at everything else.”

“What is ‘everything else’?”

Her blood was freezing cold, as was her answer. “You know.”

There it was again; the roar of thunder, followed by the sound of a million drops falling down. It was starting to rain somewhere.

“Connie,” said Steven, on the verge of shattering. “Have you been thinking about Homeworld?”

Connie clenched her free hand, her teeth, and everything else that required physical exertion.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be.”

“I know I have no right to feel bad about it. You are the one who suffered the most from it-”

She was cut by her own throat shutting down, and for a moment only tiny hiccups came out. There was a blinding, white rage inside her. It commanded her to grab her sword and slash, lunge and cut all her problems away. But she didn’t. She stood still and cried.

“But I was there too. I saw what White did to you and I couldn’t do anything.” Connie gasped for air. “I trained so hard for nothing. When you needed me I… I failed you.” She stopped to gasp and clean her tears. “H-how can I know I won’t be a mess in everything else I do, that I won’t flunk on my first year of college? Studying was the only thing I was good at and… and I’m not even good at it anymore and just…”

She stopped to let the tears roll freely. It was too much; too much weight, too many tears. Everything was in the air now. All her failures, all her fears, like an enveloping toxic cloud around her; it’d always been there, but now someone else could see it. In the middle of her wailing, she caught Steven’s concerned voice.

“Connie, can you hear me?”

It could be easy to hang up now, forget this ever happened, and call back when she was strong and put together. ‘Hey Steven, sorry about that, everything is better now’. But Connie couldn’t do that —not to him. She mumbled a reply.

“Alright. I want you to breathe with me, OK? Can you do that?”

Well, that’s easy for him to ask. He’s not the one hyperventilating. And to think many times she’d said the same, when Steven was going through a panic attack. How the turntables indeed.

She knew the instructions to the letter, but she coordinated them to Steven’s voice. Four seconds inspiration. Hold it for seven seconds. Eight seconds exhalation. They repeated it until every corner of Connie’s mind was occupied with this routine.

“Feeling better?” Steven asked.

Connie noticed she wasn’t crying anymore and with one last sniff she said: “A bit.”

“Good. Now I want you to listen,” said Steven. “First, just because I was the one who was attacked doesn’t mean I got the monopoly on trauma.” He stopped to see if his joke caused any effect. ”What I mean to say is, that day was… it was a literal hell for all of us. Maybe more to me than to the gems, but it was so for you too because, like you said, you were there with me.”

“Which brings me to the second point: nothing of what happened in Homeworld, or that happened to me, to us, was your fault,” Steven said, firmly and fluently, like a practiced speech. “And there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I know you are mad because you couldn’t take a swing at White’s giant nose…”

Connie laughed. She imagined Steven raising a triumphant fist into the air.

“But you did help me. You carried me to… to me! If I’m alive now, it’s because of you. And I should…” Steven stopped. Connie could see him, hand on his mouth, trying to hold the tears back and be the rock she needed. She knew that feeling too well. “I should’ve told before how much you did to me. You saved my life back then, a-and then you saved me again, months ago, when I got corrupted.”

Connie gasped. Steven never brought that topic unprompted, and he never called it for what it was. It was always ‘the incident’.

“You were there for me since day one,” Steven laughed dryly. “Actually, I should be the one apologizing. You had to go through all of that because of me.”

“I wanted to do it,” Connie retorted. “I wanted to go through all of that with you.”

“That doesn’t make it right. It wasn’t fair.”

Connie huffed. They were scratching the surface of a deeper conversation. Because Connie was mad for wanting to go to Homeworld so bad, and for all the times her life was in danger before that. And she was mad at her parents —what were they thinking? They shouldn’t have let Connie run around with a sword, fighting a war that wasn’t her own; they should have locked her up until she was eighteen. Damn, she was mad at the whole Universe for needing to be saved. They were kids! Stupid kids who didn’t knew better than to take such a task over their shoulders.

And deep down, in a corner she dared not to look, she was mad at Steven. Because from the first day they meet, he chose her. To be his friend, his partner-in-crime, his… And in an even deeper place, Connie was mad at herself. Because she had chosen Steven too, and if it came to it, she would do it all again. Back then, in the middle of the chaos, with the fear of death and the threat of the destruction of the Earth as her everyday bread and butter, life made sense.

But now the war was over, and the books Connie studied so much felt as unreal as any fantasy novel. How do you go back to being normal after having a destiny?

Connie let her head fall back and softly touch the wall. She was far too tired to shine light on those darks corners. She just wanted to rest. She was half-way napping when Steven’s voice brought her back.

“Connie? Connie, are you there? Please talk to me.”

Connie slapped herself awake. “I’m here Steven. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said, as convinced as anything. “How about you?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“But I do.”

“Well I… I worry about you!” Steven protested. “So I guess we are in a loop here.”

That comment wasn’t particularly funny, but Connie started to laugh; a short, weak laugh that grew up to be a roar. On the other side, Steven laughed too.

“Oh man. This sure feels familiar doesn’t it?” said Steven, and eased a bit on the laughter. “I guess you are better at making me feel better than I am doing it for you.”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself so short. I do feel better. A little,” she confessed. “I’m sorry you had to deal with me being dumb. I don’t know what came over me.”

Steven was quiet for a while. When he spoke again, it was with the clearness of a professor giving class.

“Connie, do you remember one of the first things Dr. A. told me when I started therapy?

“Life sucks?” She heard Steven breathing raggedly, trying not to laugh.

“That is the first thing,” he said in a short breath, “but I mean the second first thing.”

Connie scratched her head. “The thing about the pond?”

“The frozen lake,” he corrected. “She said that, for people with depression —not saying you have it— or have gone through some trauma —again, not pointing fingers—, anxiety is like a frozen lake. Every day you bring new problems to the lake; little, everyday stuff that’s not too heavy. Then some days you bring heavier stuff, and the ice starts to crack, but you don’t notice because you hide the heavy stuff under the lighter stuff. Finally one day, you bring a new little problem and you put it on top of the pile. You know what happens next?”

“The ice breaks?”

“It breaks,” said Steven, like a satisfied lecturer. “It breaks and you fall in the frozen water, with all of that heavy shit you have been hiding.”

Connie’s hand grabbed the front of her bathrobe. She was still not used to hearing Steven Cutie Pie DeMayo Universe curse —even if she was the one who taught him the coolest words (besides Amethyst, of course).

“I remember the story now,” Connie scratched her head, feeling the hard knots of her hair. “I always thought it was a bit complex as a metaphor.”

“My point is-“

“Why not use a house of cards? Every anxious thought is a new card, and as you pile them up, the house loses stability. Finally, one day, it just falls under its own weight,” Connie explained with renewed vigor. “See? It paints a much clearer picture.”

“The point, Miss Wiseguy,” grunted Steven, and Connie could see him folding his arms. “Is that if you don’t want the ice to break-“

“Or the house of cards to fall.”

“Or the house of cards to fall,” he conceded, “you have to deal with that heavy stuff before you are overwhelmed. You don’t need to do that now,” he added, predicting her complain. “But at some point, you will need to talk to someone. Your parents or your friends… Or I can give you Dr. A.’s number. She knows everything we went through.”

“That ought to save me some time,” she said. “Maybe she’ll give me a discount card of ‘Friends of Steven Universe’.”

“See? Now you are being positive,” Steven laughed.

Connie smiled sadly. “What about you?”

“I’ll always be here for you. By phone, video chat, or to visit you… If you want me to,” he whispered that last part.

“Only if you promise to not turn into a Kaiju when we start exposing my inner demons.”

“Ha ha,” he said robotically. “I’ll assume by your sarcasm that you are the same old Berry now.”

Connie mulled about it for a few seconds. The cloud of anxiety was slowly banishing, and she no longer felt the claustrophobic walls closing around her.

“Yes, I’m good now. Thanks to yo-aaah” a loud, long yawn took over her. “Sorry. Guess I’m more worn out than I thought.”

“Yeah, I can tell… Have you really not been sleeping at all?”

“Unless you count passing out of tiredness as sleeping,” she joked.

“Ah,” said Steven. “Have you been, well… you know?”

Connie didn’t answer. She knew what he meant, but she’d no voice to say it.

“Connie, have you been hurting yourself?”

“This conversation is hurting me.”

“Connie.”

The phone vibrated and got hot to the touch, before cooling down real fast. Connie’s head vibrated too, like a snow globe being shaken. Steven’s control over electric devices had been growing.

She lifted her arm to look at the cuts; they still stung, although she hasn’t been paying attention to it. All the slashes were dry and had a dull color.

Fuck it, why not?

“Just a few cuts,” she said flatly, “with my mom’s scissors.”

There was silence for a while, but Steven’s was still there; his breath was ragged and odd. Has he turned pink? Did Connie throw him into a panic attack?

Finally, he spoke: “Connie, I need you to do me a favor.”

Oh boy, that doesn’t sound good at all. “What is it?”

“Throw those scissors away.”

Connie pursed her lips. “Steven, I can’t do that. My mom would be mad,” she said, although it was a poor excuse. If Connie cared about her mother’s feelings, she wouldn’t have stolen the scissors in the first place.

“I know. I don’t pretend to tell you what to do,” he said, measuring his words like a baker measures flour, “but it’s something that helped me a lot. I mean, when I was in a bad place, I would go into these blank moments when I wasn’t thinking at all.” Connie nodded. He was talking about the limbo. “When I started therapy, I was told to try to be more conscious of myself. More present. So when I felt I was, you know, getting in the mood,” Steven groaned at his own choice of words, “I would take a step back and do something different. We can’t always control our situation or our mood or even our actions, but we can make small changes to have some power over ourselves.”

The way Steven spoke in plural said that he wasn’t doing vain motivational talk; he was talking from a place he’d been in… and maybe still was. Connie remembered sitting on Steven’s bed, trying to cheer him up to eat or step outside and get some fresh air. She also remembered coming home, locking herself in the bathroom and taking a long shower while she cried.

Connie held onto that thought and sat on the bed. She picked the scissors with her free hand and put that memory in them. She also put the memories of White Diamond, the monsters’ attack on Beach City, the arguments with her mother. All her anger, her insecurities, her fear of not knowing who she was— she grabbed all of it and put it into a ball, one she was carrying in her throwing hand. She extended her arm all the way behind her back. And when the wind blew the curtains opens, she propelled her arm forward like a whip.

The scissors —and metaphorical ball— broke free of her hand, made a straight line and finally flew out of the window; out of sight.

Connie stood still, catching her breath. The first thing she noticed was that her chest, while still swelling with anger, felt notably lighter. The second thing was Steven’s voice calling her from the phone. The final thing she noticed made her scream:

“Holy shit!”

“What? What happened?” she heard Steven calling to her.

“I threw the scissors out of the window!”

“…WHAT?”

Connie dashed towards the window, holding her bathtub with her free hand, and stuck her head outside.

“Is everyone ok?”

“Yeah… yeah I think so,” said Connie with a relieved breath. “The street is desert at this time. Anyway, I think I can see the scissors. They felt right by the trash can, so maybe I accidentally stabbed a rat?”

Steven was hyperventilating, but he took a break from it to scoff at her. “Now is no time for jokes, missy! Oh man… you could have killed someone! Why did you do that?”

“Because you told me to, you dumb-dumb!”

“I didn’t tell you to throw a sharp object out of the window, you dumb-dumb!”

Connie shook her head. “Forget it, I don’t want to fight.” She leaned against the wall and let gravity slid her to the floor.

“Me neither,” said Steven. The sound of rain was quieter now. “At least did that helped?”

“Yes. Almost killing innocent bystanders always cheers me up.”

“That’s my girl,” Steven laughed and so did Connie, albeit weaker.

Still, she felt better. Her body was recharging energy quickly and her mind was emerging from whatever black hole it had been hiding in.

“I think I can go on with my day now,” she said and she meant it.

“Are you sure?” Steven asked. Connie reaffirmed her decision. “Well, that’s awesome. So… would it be cool if I drop by and check on you?”

Connie’s heart started to race up again as the anxiety came back. Check on you. Like she was sick and she needed to be taken care of.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” she said, firmly. “But later. Definitely later. I’ll call you.”

“But I… OK. Alright, w-we’ll talk later then.”

Steven sounded really bummed out, but Connie could pay it no mind now, lest she wanted to feel down the whole again. “Thanks for everything. And I’m sorry I made you stop in the middle of a storm,” she said.

“Oh it’s not so bad. Kinda weird though,” said Steven. “You know, usually you hide from the rain, lock yourself inside and look at it from the window of your house. But I’m under it right now. The sky is falling around me but I’m as dry as clean clothes. And, I don’t know, it’s beautiful. It makes you appreciate everything there is, even stuff that’s supposed to be ugly. Does it make sense?”

The words struck something deep inside Connie, but whatever meaning Steven was trying to transmit was ignored. She was not in the mood for lessons right now.

“I know what you mean,” she swiftly said. “So I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright then. Please be safe. And call me.”

“I will.”

“Ok… I love you.”

Connie blushed. “Goodbye.” She cut the call. She should have said something else, something more. She didn’t know why she had been in such a rush to hang up.

She just knew saying ‘I love you’ was easier when they weren’t dating.

With one long, invigorating breath, Connie stood up. She stretched her arms over her head until her bones cracked, then she bended and touched her finger toes until her legs were burning.

With the sudden rush of adrenaline, thinking became easier. The rage was gone and her chest didn’t feel as heavy. Connie has left the limbo, at least for now.

She looked for her phone. Her last study break was one hour ago. Most of that time had been spent talking to Steven. So much time —hers and his— wasted in vain…

Alright Connie, compartmentalize. There’s a lot to do. What comes first? She asked herself. Well, her red, stinging arm would be a good starting point. She headed for her bedroom’s bathroom and closed the door shut.

The bathroom was still mildly warm from the shower she took. The first aid kit was where she left it; resting over the sink, opened. It’s where Connie usually hid the scissors. She hung the bathrobe on a perch and checked the cuts on the mirror. They ran deeper than Connie’s usual handiwork, so she applied the process she used for her training injuries. Soap and water to wash the wounds. Dry well, apply antiseptic to prevent infection and then bandage the whole thing, from the elbow to the wrist. She’ll have to change the bandages after tomorrow at least.

Some petroleum jelly could help the wound heal faster and prevent scarring, and Connie’s mom had some in her first aid kit but she discarded that thought. Explaining to her mom how she got these wounds was out of question.

Connie was about to put the kit away when an idea hit her. She brought the bandages out and applied them over her right arm —her clean, unharmed right arm. There; now if anyone, be it her mom or her friends asked, she could appeal to a training accident. And if her mom wants to check the wound herself, Connie will show her the right arm. Her mom will comment on how well the injury had healed, or she’ll simply believe Connie was overreacting to a minor rash. In any case, she’ll be none of the wiser.

Connie looked at herself in the mirror —naked, except for the bandaged arms. Her reflection smiled sadly. You think you are so cunning, don’t you?

With that done, she left the kit over the sink and tiptoed into her cold room. She went to the wardrobe and chose a long sleeved shirt, some jogging pants, and a sweater.

Next thing were the sheets. They were soaked; perfect to catch pneumonia. Connie started to take them off. She stopped and instead she left her room —with the same feeling as Robinson Crusoe leaving his island—, and headed for the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of juice and drank it like an old man in the desert. She poured another glass and headed back upstairs.

Once in her bedroom, she took off the sheets, rolled them all into a ball and poured the orange juice over the sheets, with extra care as to not wet the mattress. The textile absorbed the juice like a sponge. Finally, she went back downstairs, threw the sheets into the dishwasher and set it on. In the unlikely event her mom questioned Connie about her dropping a glass of juice on the bed; Connie only had to point at the orange colored stains.

They’ll disappear after a few washes, anyway. Ironically, the marks on Connie’s arm might last longer. She entertained the idea of putting her shirt to wash, but she scratched it off. Being a doctor’s daughter, she knew blood stains were a pain to get rid of.

Satisfied with what she had accomplished, Connie’s heart gave a little thud as she approached the door. She didn’t feel like going for a walk, but she’d to recover the, sort of speak, crime’s weapon. She stepped outside and walked aimlessly around the sidewalk for a minute, looking for the scissors. She found them on the floor right next to the trash can. Five inches left and they would have landed on top of the trash. It really makes your mind think.

Or someone else’s mind. Not Connie’s. She didn’t have time to metaphors.

She knelt to pick the scissors. And then she saw them; or rather, they saw her. On the other side of the street, a young couple crossed sights with her. They keep their glance on her for less than five seconds before walking away, laughing. It was enough to throw Connie down a hole. Eyes seemed to materialize out of thin air, staring faces, judgmental glances; all of them pointing at Connie. All of them knew what she’d done. She’d been seen.

Connie dashed inside the house and slammed the door behind her. She felt to the ground, short of breath. That couple must be on their way now, totally oblivious of the effect they caused on Connie, and she can’t blame them; she couldn’t predicted that either. Her social anxiety had been tame for so long, Connie thought it was a thing of the past. That’s another thing to scratch out of her accomplishments list.

Nevertheless Connie had the scissors in her shaking hands, and all she wanted was to put them away.

She stood up and moved around the house exhausted. She picked a pair of clean sheets and went back to her room. She locked the door, shut down the windows and closed the curtains. She breathed out loudly. Now she was unseen and nobody could judge her.

She set the clean sheets on the bed. A strong scent of lavender hit her. Finally, she went to the bathroom; put the scissors inside the first aid kit, under everything else, and put the kit on the back of the cabinet, until next time.

Next time… now that was an upsetting thought.

With everything else done, she just had to get rid of the shirt. She had second thoughts about washing it, since throwing it away would be complicated. Feeling a headache incoming, Connie opened her closet and threw the bloody rag inside. It wasn’t like her to postpone things, but… who was she kidding? This is standard Connie’s stress dealing procedure.

Connie looked at everything she’d done, and felt at peace for the first time that day. Then her eyes felt onto her standing mirror.

Oh no, this won’t do, she thought, meaning her hair. More specifically, the crow nest that had taken over her head and that she usually called hair.

She grabbed her blue hairbrush. Her hair was so entangled the regular ministrations won’t do, so she attacked it with brutal brushing motions. In the meantime, her mind kept producing images. Steven under the heavy rain, checking the soaked engine that broke down when he stopped to talk to her. The disappointed glance of her mom when she finds out all the scheming Connie went through to hide the truth. Her own hands shaking with anxiety as she takes the real test and she realizes she doesn’t know any answers.

She set the brush down. There. Now the image in the mirror was presentable —although some days, Connie wasn’t sure if it was really hers.

“I’m alright,” she said, with a voice that felt alien even to her. “I’ll be fine. I’m a warrior,” she added, more convinced with each word.

She was a warrior. Maybe she’d lost her center, but she could find it. She could be strong again. Once she gets a grip of herself and gets into college, everything will be alright.

Right? Right.

With this new resolution, Connie walked to her worktable. Her failed test was still there. Next to it was the half-done new test she had been working on when the static became too much.

Now, she could keep working and pretend all of this never happened. That this was just a very long study break, that everything she did was normal and healthy. It’s what she was expected to do, right?

Once again she thought of Steven, taking time from his trip to sit down under a deluge to talk to her. Breathe with her, as if they were one.

Connie’s hand reached towards the test… And then went left, grabbed the nearest book and dropped it over the papers.

This can wait… she thought, uncertain.

“This can wait,” she verbalized defiantly to the World.

With that problem done for, she had a free afternoon. She tapped her chin —she hasn’t had this free time in a while.

She picked her phone and flipped through the library. There was this reboot of ‘Crying Breakfast Friends’ that Steven had been bugging her to watch, but she’d been rain checked until she could pass the test. Maybe it’s time to keep the study waiting. She shuddered at that inch of her rebellious younger self taking over.

She picked her earphones and lay comfortable on her fresh, lavender-scented sheets. Five minutes into the first episode and she was cackling and crying with a cartoon about animated fruits while her papers —her physical future— waited on the table. And they’ll keep waiting until tomorrow.

Connie didn’t know if this was a step forward or backwards. But a step’s a step nonetheless; and she was still moving.

#connie maheswaran #Steven quartz universe #connverse #self-harm #tw: blood #ptsd mention #dissociation

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xxcureangelxx · 3 years

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5, 9, 10, 13, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 30-35, 38-42, 44-46, 50, 52, 54, 60-62, 66, 71-74, 86-91, 96, 100! 😊

okay I literally have no clue how old this is and if I'm even taking the questions from the right post but here goes I guess? 🙈

5. What is your favorite Color?

PURPLE

9. How tall are you?

about 1,70 meters or 5'7"

10. What shoe size are you?

size 40-41, I think that's about 8 in US sizes?

13. What talents do you have?

uhhh good question... not sure if it counts but I guess I'm quite good at a lot if things but can't do anything extraordinarily well?

20. Are you religious?

Absolutely not. Due to family history and a lot of other things I'm actually against it a lot but people can do whatever they feel like is right for them as long as they don't harm others with it.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes, quite a lot actually. practically grew up in hospitals as a baby because of kidney issues, broke both my legs with 4 years old, had to revisit for tests a lot during my childhood because of the kidney issue. it calmed down afterwards until I was back in hospital last year because of my terrible mental health and I'm currently in a rehabilitation clinic for it as well.

24. Baths or showers?

Shower's because we don't have a bathtub

25. What color socks are you wearing?

currently none, I love going barefoot, but usually I wear white, gray or black. I know... I'm a bad gay.. no rainbow socks (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

28. What type of music do you like?

you know.... I hate this question with a passion even though I love music so I'll just throw in my yt-playlist here and everyone who's interested can look through it to get a picture xD not sorted in any way and not a conclusive list at all, I just add songs as I find them

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

mostly just one at a time but I've got two different ones. one is the normal fluffy kinda pillow, the other is made of some kinda foam material and rather thin.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I'm always lying on the side! have been doing that since I was a baby too.

32. How big is your house?

compared to what? 🙈 I'd say decent size for 5 people to live in, would have space for 1-2 more if rooms were used differently but definitely not enough to comfortably live with 12 or even more people like my family used to. we've got like 3 proper sleeping rooms (one of which is the attic so not very nice in terms of heat and the staircase is smack in the middle of the room), a kitchen, a dining room, a big living room, a tiny bathroom that barely fits a toilet and shower, and the basement is a mix of storage, electrics and stuff, washing room/utility room and it's got another smaller room that's been turned back into a small workshop but used to be the room of my brother and later my grandmother.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I guess this is where it shows that I'm german but we usually just eat bread (preferably whole grain) with cheese or slices of salami or ..meat sausage? is that a proper translation? 🤨 idk... it's rather simple really. on the weekend maybe buns and boiled eggs. on the occasion that I'm too tired for it or don't have enough time I eat cereals but it's not very common when I'm at work/school

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No, and I don't want to

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes!! I did last year when I was in the hospital and it was super fun! was quite good at it as well, even for my first try 😤

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?

I think about 3 days? if we count "barely unconscious for a few hours" as sleep that is... otherwise no clue...my memory of the bad sleepless time is quite hazy lol

39. Do you have any scars?

yeah, quite a few tbh. got 2 huge ones from surgeries due to my kidney issues, well they look like 2 but it's actually multiple ones since they simply cut open party of the old ones again, tiny hooman apparently have very little skin. then I got some other ones here and there from accidents, general dumbness, etc, like when I cut through my sunday morning bun and almost cut half of the tip of my finger off because my mother sharpened the knife and didn't tell me or that time as a kid I couldn't wait for my ironing pearl pictures to be done and burned myself on the hot iron, mostly stuff like that.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

I mean.. if they're a secret... how would I know? ;) not sure if it counts that it took me months to realize I had a crush on my best friend and the feelings were reciprocated and I was too blind to see the signs?

41. Are you a good liar?

Nope. People actually think I'm lying more often than I lie... so.... :/

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I'm.. honestly not sure what this one means? like, am I able to judge what kind of character a person has after barely meeting them or smth? if so, I'm terrible at it

44. Do you have a strong accent?

in german? nope. in english? hmm hard to judge since I rarely hear myself speak. I think the stuff I do know how to pronounce is mostly okay but since I learned it through reading I'm simply unsure of a lot of pronunciations. 'also'.... I can not for the life of me pronouns that word no matter how many times I hear it... it's kinda become a quirk after some classmates pointed it out to me and I'm incredibly aware how terrible I say the word but.... just can't get rid of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

45. What is your favorite accent?

I.. actually really love the way my best friend talks? 👉👈 they're french btw. just... typical me for struggling to understand them though, already terrible at it in german too...

46. What is your personality type?

honestly, I don't think I can answer that. I'm big on self loathing and everything's pretty shitty so, no thanks

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed. but does it even count id I'm bad at doing things with that hand too? lol

52. Favorite food?

hmmmm tough question... not the biggest fan of food in general a lot of the time... probably Züricher Geschnetzeltes

54. Are you a clean or a messy person?

Definitely messy. my allergies did not like this post trying to clean and tidy up more often though. my depression does not like this post either

60. Do you talk to yourself?

sometimes. quite a bit when watching movies or if I mess stuff up

61. Do you sing to yourself?

barely. got a lot of bad experiences with that so i keep my singing to a minimum. my shower is a great listener though

62. Are you a good singer?

I was in a choir for a few years when I went to 'middle school' and I had like one solo part once but other than that I can't really say because I barely ever sing in front of people

66. Do you like long or shor hair?

this question is currently my absolute nemesis.. I've got suuuper duper long hair and have had it ever since elementary school and I used to be super happy with it and sometimes I still am happy with it but other days, depending on where I'm at genderwise, I absolutely hate it and I just want to take the closest scissors and cut it all off... currently haven't had the guts to look for new hair styles though... but in other people? or women more specifically? I love long hair 🥺

71. What makes you nervous?

Or the shorter question: what doesn't make me nervous... I'd say pretty much everything has got the potential to make me nervous. I'm an overthinker, anxiety is a big thing for me and ptsd makes me scared of almost everything. so.. yeah... sucks to be me sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Yes, very

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

I try not to but sadly I sometimes do, even if it's not my place to. I really don't like that part and hope I'll be able to learn not to sometime

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes and I hate it 😭

86. What are you allergic to?

again, easier question: what am I not allergic to... it's... a lot... like, really a lot. with the test on the skin of my arm I reacted to every single substance and the more thorough blood test lead to much of the same result. the absolute worst are birch trees (pitty, love those), then the usual pollen of pretty much every tree or flower, all animals with fur or feathers, dust and... yeah list goes on and on, you get the picture... :/

87. Do you keep a journal?

no.. have tried to multiple times in the past but never made it more than a week... too depressing to write and read... the therapist at the rehab clinic is currently forcing me to try a positivity diary for the millionths time, can't even get that done each day even though I'm doing it on my phone and get notifications to do it each evening...

88. What do your parents do?

making my life hell lol.. okay on a serious note, my father was a car electrician, he's retired by now, my mother is a housewife, she used to work different jobs before her first kid, later on she took care of my grandmother who was suffering from dementia, got some money and retirement points for that too.

89. Do you like your age?

I-... I don't know? it's weird because I both feel a lot younger and a lot older than I am rn....

90. What makes you angry?

another tough question... I actually have anger issues in that way that I'm barely capable of feeling anger... used to be worse but I already worked a lot on it in therapy so there's at least some there now... in the past I simply started to cry and felt overwhelmed by sadness whenever I was supposed to feel anger... so I can't tell very well what makes me angry because I first have to realize that I'm feeling anger or more like should be feeling it....

91. Do you like your own name?

Not really, no, but I guess I finally figured out some reasons why.. I've recently started going by a bit of a different name too but only my closest friends know so far and I'm not sure if I'll be using it irl at all..

96. How did you get your name?

I'm still trying to get my mother to admit that she named me after this song but she keeps denying it.. she's a fan of this band so it would have fit.. but she keeps saying she just liked the name, no long thought process behind it..

my chosen name is a bit of a different story. an ex friend I got to know through yt gave me that nickname almost 10 years ago after I complained that you can't make a shorter nickname out of my birthname and it's also the name of s character I like, especially his voice, and... idk it just feels more gender neutral and I simply feel comfortable with it. it just fit.

100. Color of your room?

same as question 5: Purple 🥰 or... well half the walls are purple, the other half is white

phew... can't believe I made it through all of these....

in case people haven't noticed yet, I'm currently kinda getting back into tumblr? I think I've already stayed a lot longer than any times I tried getting back before. it mostly started because we've got super bad wifi at the clinc I'm at rn and reddit takes up waaayy too much mobile data and... idk, I guess I just missed the vibe of tumblr

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stick around but we'll see

#ask game #answered #I really really do not have any clue how long this has been sitting in my inbox...#the og post was somewhere around december if I saw that correctly (๑•﹏•)#oopsie...#just hope posting goes through snd my 3 hours of hard work weren't for nothing....#edit; posting worked but tumblr messed up the formating...#I'm not gonna bother fixing that because it's late and I need sleep 😭

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azizi-kellerfamilyadventure · 3 years

Text

Reflection of the last 6 weeks of travelling on the road....

Yay! I'm finally getting around to starting my blog all about our travelling adventures around the US.! This is a my first time blogging so my kids would definitely call me a "noob" (thank you Minecraft!). I personally prefer the name "newbie" instead...lol

So here it goes......after a lot of persuasion on my part (close to 2 years of trying to convince my husband to tap out of this rat race with me and the kids to slow things down and enjoy our life together while travelling the US) and a lot of planning on both our parts (another year once he agreed to my crazy plan), we began on our Epic Travelling Adventure on March 15th!

6 weeks into it we have really truly only explored Arizona but we are not complaining because oh my goodness......Arizona is absolutely beautiful! It's so nice to know that since we live in CA we can come back and explore again and again! Plus we did get to spend some wonderful quality time with family from both sides 2 of those 6 weeks!

Next we are heading to Utah. We made a pit stop near 4 corners hoping we could have the kids take pictures while being in all 4 states at once. But unfortunately, it was still closed due to Covid. While that was a bummer, the kids still thought it was cool that they could go from Arizona, New Mexico and Colorado all within 5 minutes of each other! We haven't explored Utah before so Michael and I are super excited about the next couple of weeks!

This trip has already been so wonderful for our kids. Not only have they been able to spend time with some quality time with their cousins on both sides of the family but they have also really enjoyed getting to meet and play with other kids from all over the country. Surprisingly, our idea is not as novel as I originally thought....lol. We have met SO many families who are doing what we are doing. A lot of them do have one parent who is still working remotely while the other parent focuses on home schooling their children. There are not many families where both parents are not working so we know we are truly fortunately! Really the only people we meet who are not working are those who have retired and their kids are grown up.

Another thing that I have enjoyed seeing is that my kids can stay connected to most of the kids they meet virtually through games like Roblox or Minecraft! And while I'm not a huge proponent of games and many aspects of our new "tech world" (for example my kids wanting to get on youtube to watch other people live their lives!), I'm happy to report that this is one aspect of the virtual video game world that I'm ok with....lol

So I was never really worried about my kids not having opportunities to socialize with other kids since I know that my kids are super social and make friends easily both with kids and adults, the real surprise for me was how wonderful the camping community has been! Everyone is just so kind, friendly and helpful. We have learned so much and received so many great tips from so many amazing people at almost each campsite we have been too. I would say that we have felt the community vibe at almost all of the Thousand Trails campgrounds and would highly recommend anyway interested in camping to sign up for a membership! (Btw....if you are interested in learning more about a membership just reach out and I can give you some information on it)

After avoiding people for so long due to Covid, it's been so wonderful for all of us to connect with people again! While we started off strong wearing masks every where we went, we have loosened up quit a bit each day. Since Michael and I have been vaccinated and we don't see my parents often while travelling, we seemed to be less worried about it. Plus, many people that we meet have been vaccinated so that's always a good thing too!

To be fair, honest and realistic about our experiences, I'm going to include my top 5 "not so fabulous" things about our travelling adventures.

5) Not having enough space for cooking! OMG! Even the simplest dinners are challenging to make because there's just not enough counter space on our kitchen. And did I mention that I have to constantly take out or put back our air fryer, blender, toaster oven....and the list continues! And I still haven't used the instapot! It's so big I don't know where to put it...lol

4) Making my bed! So I love making my bed in the morning. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and I just like to look at a clean bed. While our bed is SUPER comfortable so no complaints there, it's a King Size bed but there's not a King Size space for the bed. I literally have to get on my bed to make my bed. I know that doesn't even make any sense but believe me when I say it sucks and I'm not how sure how long the "daily making of my bed" is going to last...lol

3) So...one of the main reasons of this trip was to spend more quality time with the kids. Umm...I'm now thinking it would have been smarter if we could have traveled throughout the US in our actual house. I mean literally take our house on the road. My kids seem to think it's an actual home. They still want to play hide and seek, tag, and the boys constantly want to wrestle. I keep reminding them that our RV is at max 240 sq. ft of living space so we can't treat it like our house back in Temecula. But I'm confident it's going in one ear out the other.

And I'm not quite sure how I forgot but I did... the arguing! It's kind of driving me a little crazy. And of course it mostly happens on our travelling days or when it's raining outside but oh my goodness! I think I used to just walk away and let them figure it out on their own but now I don't really have a place to hide. Did I mention that we lack space?!? LOL

On a positive note, almost every adult with kids whom my children have played with have literally made a point to come and tell us how well behaved, kind and wonderful our kids are. I smile and thank them for their kind words. But I can't lie....every once in a while really I just want to show them the video of them arguing about 30 minutes earlier....lol

2) Laundry! Ugh! I wish we would have purchased an RV with a washer and dryer. We are considering purchasing at least a washer but we need to find room for it first! Did I mention that we struggle with a lack of space...lol. In the meantime, I've literally been having the kids wear there clothes two days in a row (easier for Milah to do than the boys...ugh!) But don't worry, they are still changing their underwear and socks everyday...lol

1) Wifi! Where is this 5G network I've been hearing about because I can't seem to find it! When I was thinking of a name for my blog I was highly considering "wifi hunter extraordinaire". This has been my #1 thorn in my side. We decided to let the kids finish off their school year at their traditional public school since online was an option. Our thought was that it would make for an easier transition for them and it was only 8 weeks after spring break. Can we say "hindsight is 20/20"! I plan on homeschooling them next school year and should have just made the switch when we left. Don't get me wrong, the kids teachers are awesome! Super supportive and really try to be flexible but we still feel tied to being online at certain times for the zoom classes. I'm definitely counting down the days until they are done with school this year (29 days!)

But the most difficult thing about being on the road has been being away from my parents, brothers, sister-in-law, nieces and cousins in southern CA. Family has always been so very important to me and have always been a part of my "happy place". I wish I could take them all of with me on this epic journey. But for now, I'm once again thankful for technological advances like face time! (if only I could get reliable connection while on the road or at our campsites I would be much more thankful...ugh!)

Okey Dokey Artichokey....that's it for today! The good, the bad and the ugly for our first 6 weeks on the road. This took me longer than I expected to reflect upon our travelling experiences on the road so I will definitely be posting more often and not as lengthy....I think...lol

The rain has let up and the kid's movie is almost done so it's time to get the kids outside to burn off some energy then shower up and make some dinner...

Signing off for now....

~Durana

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champagne-bucky · 5 years

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Black Magic

Summary: So you're a little crazy for Bucky Barnes. What’s so wrong with having a little crush?

Warnings: dark!reader X Bucky, dark themes, smut, dub/non con.

Notes: Wanted to try out some dark! reader in this one shot. Hope you enjoy it my little devils. BTW, currently working on IOU part 6 as we speak!! Enjoy :)

Mrs. James Buchanan Barnes

Mrs. Bucky Barnes

Mrs. Barnes

Bucky’s girl

Bucky’s baby

Bucky, Bucky, Bucky

That man was on your mind every hour of everyday. It’s no secret that you’ve been pining after the metal armed soldier for a while now. You also weren’t exactly subtle in your attempts to get Bucky to notice you. Whether it was wearing the shortest shorts you could find or the tiniest bra that makes your tits pop, Bucky wasn’t biting your line.

The team knew about your crush, hell even the man from the hot dog cart on the street knew about it. Everyone knows about your feelings towards Bucky, including Bucky. He thought it was cute at first. How you would doll yourself up a little more around him, he found it quite flattering that even after all he’s done in the past, someone can still manage to love him, but then you started being creepy.

Soon it was more revealing outfits, wearing makeup around him all the time, you even went as far as wearing your best push-up bra to the gym to get his attention. As much as he liked it, it was getting to be too much, the team even agreed as well.

“Maybe just tell her you don’t feel the same way?” Sam suggest over drinks at the bar with Bucky and Steve.

“I can’t do that. It’ll break the poor kid’s heart.” Bucky felt guilty about letting you down easy. He tried having Natasha do it for him, but according to her you became very irrational and began lashing out. Of course you would, you knew Bucky Barnes loved you, he just didn’t realize it yet.

“Why don’t you take her out on one date, Buck? Just one date and maybe she won’t bother you again?” Steve was trying his best to help his friend. He loved the both of you, but your obsession over Bucky was becoming too much and started affecting your work on the team.

“I would, but I know she’s just gonna keep begging for more. I really don’t feel the same way about her. I like her, but as a friend. She’s becoming to clingy with me and it’s making me uncomfortable.” Bucky responds to both men.

“I can have Tony talk to her if you’d like? You know he doesn’t tolerate this kind of behavior, especially borderline stalker-ish behavior.” Steve suggests.

Okay, so you’ll admit, maybe you followed Bucky around town once, or twice (but who’s counting), and maybe Bucky caught you following him from afar. When he confronted you in front of everyone back at the compound you faked offense and said you were meeting a friend in town. Everyone knew you were lying.

“It doesn’t matter what we do, she won’t stop. I don’t know maybe I’ll just talk to her. Maybe I’ll let her down easy and if she doesn’t back off I’ll tell Tony.” Bucky says as he takes another long sip of his beer.

“Okay, but if you’re gonna do anything make sure it’s in a public place just incase you get kidnapped or murdered on site.” Sam quips.

—

Back at the compound, you were helping Wanda put up decorations for the party Tony was throwing. You wanted to finish fast and shower, you just bought a new dress for tonight and wanted to make sure Bucky got a good look at you before he got drunk. Wanda scoffed as she was lining up bottles of fancy drinks.

“You’re still on him?” Wanda was one of your best friends in the compound. As much as she loved you she was straight with you and kept telling you to give it up with Bucky.

“Stop reading my mind Wanda! Listen it’s gonna happen tonight, I know it!” You were excited because you know tonight was going to be the night Bucky would ask you to dance, sweep you off the dance floor, and go back to to your room for some passionate love making, just like you envisioned for months.

“You know I love you, but you need to move on from Bucky. It’s clear he doesn’t see you the same way. Why don’t we set you up with a new guy at the party tonight? I have a friend from S.H-“

“No,” you were quick to shoot her down, “I want Bucky and Bucky wants me.” You have her a cold glad before she shrugged and muttered something under her breath about you being delusional.

—

Needless to say you looked stunning, no, ravishing. You couldn’t wait for Bucky to see you, you even put in extra effort into your hair and makeup. You were determined to get Bucky to notice you tonight.

The party was boring, well to Bucky it was. He never understood why Tony liked throwing these things, he guesses it’s to schmooze the bigwigs that he’s friends with. All Bucky wanted to go is go back into his room, maybe watch a porn and jerk off, shower, and sleep, but then you came in.

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky muttered under his breath. He’s awestruck by you. The dress it short, really short, your hair is done up, and all around you do look stunning. However, Bucky becomes slightly annoyed because he knows it’s all for him, which means you’ll be bugging him a lot tonight.

“Hey, hey, Buckaroo, looks like your little girlfriend pulled out all her tricks tonight.” Sam approached Bucky with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Fuck off Wilson. I’m gonna tell her tonight.” Bucky was watching you grab a drink and made your way over to Wanda.

“You know I can always talk to her, tell her to stop obsessing over you.” Natasha came up next to Bucky and was giving you a glare from across the room. You and her weren’t exactly the best of friends. Ever since you lashed out at her and called her a bitch and accusing her and taking Bucky from you, she’s disliked you ever since.

“Thanks Nat, but I can handle this.” You catch him watching you as you make your way to the dance floor and try to seduce him in. “Maybe after a few drinks.” Bucky grabs another drink from the bar.

—

The party was going well. You were happy you got Bucky’s attention. He was taking in how great you looked. Anytime now he’ll make his way over here and take you back to your room. You saw Natasha sending evil glares your way, but you just ignored her and hung out with Wanda the whole night.

As the night progressed on, Bucky was getting drunker and you were getting antsier. Bucky was trying to work up the courage to talk to you, but he was afraid of breaking your heart. You on the other hand were so desperate that you began to make your way over to him.

You saw him out on the balcony sharing another drink with Sam. What was that four beers now? You hoped he would sober up quick before the night ended. Right before you pushed the glass door fully open you heard Bucky speaking about you.

“She’s just so goddamn obsessive over me, it’s becoming annoying.” Bucky groaned and Sam laughed.

“She’s just got a little crush on you Buck. Why don’t you indulge in her and take her out? Maybe you’ll get lucky. You know what they say, the crazy ones know how to have a good time.” Sam was mocking you. It wasn’t “just a little crush”, you and Bucky were made for each other.

“Hell no, if I take her out on a date she might kidnapped and force me to have babies with her.” The men laughed. “I wouldn’t put it past her either. Nat was telling me one night she walked passed her room and heard her fucking herself to that press conference I did back in June. What a fucking creep.” Your cheeks were red with embarrassment, tears welling up in your eyes. You turned away and ran back to your room, ignoring the stares the other guests at the party made to you.

—

It had been a full week since the party and you refused to leave your room. Ever since the party you’ve been afraid to face your coworkers again. A creep, Bucky thought you were a creep. Wanda tried to coax you out of your room, but you were too embarrassed to face anyone. Instead, you had F.R.I.D.A.Y alert you when everyone was asleep, that’s when you would leave your room and eat.

Currently, you were in the kitchen munching on some leftover chicken from tonight’s dinner. They were probably making fun of you, even Wanda. You wouldn’t put it past her to make fun of your supposedly creepy behavior to the team.

While you were cleaning up the kitchen you heard the echo of footsteps coming down the hallway. Quickly, you hid near the pantry as you saw Bucky walking in. It took every fiber in your being to not jump out and talk to Bucky. What would you even say? Hey, sorry I’ve been apparently creeping on you, but its not my fault because you look goddamn gorgeous all the time and I’m pretty sure you and I were made for each other. Nah, that wouldn’t work.

Bucky looked around the kitchen looking for a midnight snack. He couldn’t sleep very well tonight. He felt guilty because Wanda told him that you heard what he and Sam were saying about you. He’s been trying to muster up the courage to talk to you, but he’s too humiliated with himself and what he did. Truth be told, he let you obsession go on for far to long. In the past, you’ve been very open towards Bucky about your feelings to him, and he was too chicken to reject you. Part of it was the flattery of something being able to love him and the other part was fear of breaking your poor innocent heart.

He knows you were in the kitchen at some point. Bucky saw that the counter top had yet to be wiped down with a cleaning spray. He figured you were still in here but left as soon as you heard someone. Everyone knows you’ve been dodging them. They tried to get Wanda to get you out of your room, but you wouldn’t budge.

“Goddamn it there’s never any shit in this fridge.” Bucky exhaled loudly. He was stopping around the kitchen looking for something.

You knew what it was. Gee, maybe you are a stalker. Every once in a while, Steve would make his famous iced tea, well, it was a second best next to his Ma’s. Bucky went on and on about it when he first moved in. Saying he missed her special ingredients and love that went into the delectable drink. You remember when he first told you the story, back when he didn’t think you were crazy, that was the day you vowed to be the perfect woman for Bucky Barnes.

Bucky left in a huff, slamming the refrigerator for dramatic effect. When his footsteps faded away, you appeared from you hiding spot and finished cleaning up. Maybe you can try and make you own drink, as a peace offering for Bucky. It was crazy yeah, but you just wanted to put this little dilemma behind you.

Try and be more normal around the man of your dreams. Make the person who thinks you are bad shit crazy think you are sane. Make everyone think your sane. If everyone believes you mellowed out, then they’ll all like you again. Maybe even Bucky will start to see he’s always liked you. It might take a little “thyme”, but you got just the right ingredients.

—

“Oof this is some good shit!” Sam exclaimed.

“What are you drinking?” Clint asked as he saw Sam pour a second glass of some liquid.

“Not sure, Wanda said Y/N was practicing a family recipe and decided to leave her prototypes for us.”

“Gee, I hope crazy didn’t put poison in there.” Clint mused as he poured himself a drink.

“Oh please, if she was gonna poison anybody it would be Bucky. She wouldn’t even try and kill him. Just make his body go limp so she could fuck ‘em.”

“Sam, you’re disgusting.” Steve shook his head and got up for the couch to pour himself a drink. “You’re right, this is good. Bucky come over here and try some.”

Bucky got up from the couch and hesitated to pour himself a glass. “I don’t know guys, what if she did poison it?”

“Would you calm down? She didn’t poison it. If she did, Sam would be dead by now.” Steve rolled his eyes and gave Bucky the drink.

It was good, it tasted a little familiar though. As the drink ran down his throat, he was hit with distinct memories of his Ma. Specifically his Ma making him and his sister the ice cold drinks on a hot summers day after they’ve been goofing around in the unbearably hot Brooklyn heat. Bucky was getting teary eyed while finishing the drink. He missed his Ma and his sister. How did you manage to craft this exact same drink?

“Buck, you okay?” Steve sounded concerned.

“Yeah, its just, it tastes like what my Ma made for Becca and I when we were kids.”

“Whoa, so you’re telling me you couldn’t remember how to make this, but Jeepers Creepers did?” Sam was going for another glass.

What was once a nostalgic moment for Bucky was replaced by stone cold anger. How did you know this recipe? This was a family recipe passed down by generations. Since Bucky had no living family members, it would be impossible for someone to know this recipe, and give you it in the process. Bucky didn’t say another word as he stomped down the hallway to your room. He was infuriated to say the least. Your behavior was becoming out of hand and Bucky was determined to put a stop to it. Today.

—

You waited patiently in your room. It was almost time for Bucky to come barreling in here pissed as hell. Then you heard the pounding on your door. You braced yourself as you slowly walked up to it, opening it a little, but then Bucky barged in.

“I’ve tried to be nice to you. I’ve tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’ve also tried to get you to see that I don’t want a relationship with you, but what do you do? You keep fucking showing up around me and trying to fucking seduce me.” He was angry. Boy, you really didn’t like where this was going. Soon enough it’ll change.

“Why don’t you get it? I. Don’t. Like. You. Sure, you’re not a bad friend, but I don’t see you as a girlfriend, and I never will. I mean, how to fuck did you even manage to know my Ma’s iced tea recipe? What you do, have Banner build you a time machine and went back and ask her? You’re fucking sick Y/N, an absolute nut.” You stayed quiet the whole time. Sure, his words stung, but he didn’t mean it. The Bucky you love was slowly coming to, you could see it.

He began to ramble and ramble while you just stood there. You saw something in his eyes, a flash of horror, then confusion, then denial, some anger, then acceptance. He was showing his love for you. You could tell by the red in his cheeks and the hardening length in his pants becoming more prominent.

“If I’m so nuts, then why are you turned on by it right now?” You stalked over to Bucky. You hands came into contact with his sweatpants, lightly tracing over the member.

“W-what did you do?”

“Oh, nothing, just a little something my Momma taught me back in the day. She said that if any of the kids were mean to you at school, then give ‘em a sip of that secret potion I showed you. Then they’ll all love you.”

“A-are you a witch?’ Bucky couldn’t move his body to stop you from undoing the string on his sweats. You didn’t answer him.

“Please, c’mon don’t do this. You don’t have to. Listen, I’ll take you out, show you the town. I wanna show off a pretty dame like you, then make love you on my bed.” Bucky was shocked by his own words. Make love? He didn’t want to have sex with you, not by a long shot.

“Oh Bucky, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear those words. Come, sit on my bed. We’ve got some work to do don’t we?” Bucky wasn’t in control of his body anymore, you were. It was like HYDRA all over again.

He made his way to the bed, sweats now around his ankles. He mentally cursed himself for skipping boxers today, he really needs to start doing laundry for often. You began to strip off his shirt and took off your clothes as well.

“P-please, please don’t.” Bucky begged.

“Oh honey, I love it when you beg for me.” You began to stroke his cock and he couldn’t deny that it felt amazing.

Teasingly, you gripped his length up and down, extracting those delicious moans from your soulmate. His face was contorting wildly. Half of him wanted to touch you and the other half wanted to knock your lights out for what you’ve done to him. Did the other team mates get affected by this? Would they be joining you and him later on. Bucky was too deep in thought and didn’t even realize that you’ve begun to put your mouth around his cock.

Bucky was a moaning mess and you were dripping for him. You picked up your pace and sucked him off hard. Only a few more sucks and he’d be cumming down your throat. He was getting close you could tell.

“Baby, please.” Baby? What the shit was Bucky thinking. You weren’t his baby.

“Lay down for me honey, let me ride this pretty cock.” Bucky moaned again and his body began to lay back on your bed sheets.

You got up off the floor and position yourself in between his cock. Tall, thick, and damn near impressive. You lowered yourself down and both you and Bucky let out a hiss in pleasure. You rocked your hips back and forth a little, teasing both him and yourself a bit.

“Alright I’ve had enough of this.” You began to bounce on him. Bucky couldn’t breath properly. You were so skilled at this. How? He’s only ever heard you’ve been with one other guy, and that was years ago.

“Such a good boy taking this tight pussy. You gonna come for me baby boy?” Bucky nearly lost it when he heard you say that. You weren’t awful at sex by any means, and damn did you have your dirty talk down pat.

“C’mon baby boy, paint my walls. Want you to cum inside me baby. Wanna feel you dripping out of me.” Your breasts were flying as you bounced more and more and Bucky snapped. He couldn’t control it as much as he thought he could. He came inside you. You stayed on him for a bit and then moved off of him when you felt him getting soft.

“That was amazing baby boy. See, I knew you’d come around eventually.” You began to get dressed again. Bucky was slowly coming to.

“What did you do to me?”

“Just a little something Momma taught me. I don’t know what your Ma’s recipe it Bucky. The potion just made it seem that way to you. The others won’t be feeling like you did.” You pulled on your socks and made your way to the bathroom to grab a wash cloth for Bucky. It’s true, hit won’t affect the others, the potion was only meant for Bucky. I mean, you had to put that lock of hair to use ever since you snagged a piece of it after he got it cut. Better you used it on something useful.

“You’re a fucking monster.” Bucky still couldn’t move. “Why did you do that?”

You ignored him and began to fold his clothes. “You should regain feeling of your body in about an hour or so. Don’t think about trying to tell your buddies out there what happened. Made sure the potion fabricated their memories a bit. Over this last hour or so, you’ve been bumming around with Sam on the PS4. Everyone “saw” it happen.”

“Fuck you. I’ll make you pay for this.” Bucky was being belligerent again, You simply ignored him and walked towards the door, pausing and looking back at him.

“And by the way Bucky boy, I’m not ready for babies.” You smirked develishy and left the room.

#dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky smut #dark!reader #dark!reader x bucky barnes #winter solider x you #winter soldier #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #dark!winter soldier

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cravingmarvel · 4 years

Text

Bad Blood - Chapter Three: Thunderclouds

Pairing: Bucky Barnes AU x Fem!Reader

Warning: Just people being weird

Summary: A new job. A new city. A new love. Bucky Barnes is a wealthy lawyer and a hansom one on top of it. Responsible to keep his house clean, she can’t help but fall in love with him. But the house holds a few secrets inside, bad blood. What happens at the Barnes Mansion, stays at the Barnes Mansion

A/N: Whooo chapter three! Things are starting to kick off and out friends Gen and Hank aren’t looking too good! Have fun reading and remember: Please leave feedback and Reblog! This doesn’t just help me but help others find this story to enjoy!

Masterlist // Chapter Two

Bad Blood – Chapter Three: Thunderclouds

Previously:

We finished eating and I went back to my room, taking a shower before lying in bed. I decided to text Wanda.

Wanda: ‘You won’t believe it, but the CUTEST guy ever just asked me for my number!!!!’ I giggled knowing that she would probably be over him in a couple weeks (as usual).

Y/n: ‘What’s his name? And did you tell him about your dating habits or should I?’

Wanda: ‘Shut up! You haven’t had a guy in like?? Years? So unless you get some, you are not allowed to talk about my love life hahah.’

Y/n: ‘That’s not true! All the guys I meet are just boring. And btw I’m rolling my eyes.’ Wanda: ‘Well, Bucky doesn’t seem to be boring ;)’

Y/n: ‘So when can I meet this fine young man?’ Wanda: ‘Good night!’ I laughed and rolled over to my side, pulling the duvet all the way up to my chin as I fell asleep. ***

The weeks went by quickly, almost as if someone was turning the clock by hand. It’s been six months now since I started working for Bucky Barnes. I knew the mansion better than I did in the beginning and making my way around went smother that ever. Looking around and wondering where I am wasn’t needed anymore, knowing which way I need to turn. Cleaning the rooms became easier, knowing the ones that were more important like the library where I stood in right now. The library being my favourite room to be in, but my least favourite to clean is quite ironic. Dusting the shelves gave me the opportunity to look at the different genres and authors he likes to read. Mark Elsberg, Steven King and a few from Val McDermid stood amongst the many books. I was reasonably impressed by the number of books he owns. Not being able to resist the urge to take one of them out, I chose ‘Ein Ort für die Ewigkeit’ not knowing why he would have a book in German. I tried reading the back of it, but none of the words made any sense. “Val McDermid, interesting choice, Y/n.” I turned around, heart skipping a beat. Bucky stood leaning on the door frame, his arms crossed and smiling. He walked closer and I could smell his perfume as he approached me. The lack of distance between us, with his shoulder touching mine as he stood next to me, taking the book into his own hands. I looked up to him, his eyes fixed on the book. His lips moving ever so slightly while reading the words, not making a sound. He lifted his gaze from the book and looked at me. His eyes scanning my face gently. Swiftly looking away, I tried to focus on something other than him. “I didn’t know you could read German.” I said, lazily looking at the books. “I can’t,” I looked up at him again, his lips curling up to a smirk “my mom did, though. She was incredible with languages. You could’ve given her a month and she knew how to speak it fluently.” I saw the amazement in his eyes mixed with grief. Knowing what happened to his mother I was able to understand and quickly turned the conversation away from his mom. “You have quite a collection of books, did you read all of them?” “No,” Bucky laughed, looking up at the book shelve “These were my parents’ books, but I have read most of them. I had a lot more time back then. Sneaking in here late at night and reading instead of sleeping. Hank always caught me, though.” Bucky put the book back into the shelf. ‘ I grazed the tips of my fingers on the spine of the books as I walked along the bookshelf, a little dust coating my skin. “What’s your favourite, if you have one?” “Steven King, ‘IT’.” “Really? I thought you were more of the classics type.” I took a glance back at him and saw him smiling lazily. “I love that one too.” Roaming around the room more and reading the titles of the books gave me a sense of loneliness. All these stories, characters and life lessons I don’t know about and might never do. As if on cue, two eyes watching me became the centre of my thoughts. I turned and Bucky stood, eyes fixed on me. I stopped walking, while he moved closer to me. The scent of wood and sea salt drawing closer. The heat of my body appeared to flood into my head, flushing my cheeks, my body felt as if it was slightly floating. He moved closer, placing his right hand on my back. His eyes fixed on the books, but his breath on my ear, quickening once he touched me. His large hand grabbed a book from one of the higher shelves, his white shirt almost pulling out of his pants. The binding of the book had some years behind it and frayed at the corners. I had no intentions of looking at the book though. My eyes fixed upon his sharply carved face. His smooth skin glistening slightly in the low sun. His hand travelled to my waist, small bolts of lightning tingling where his hand toughed me. Bucky’s eyes left the book and he looked at me, soft and warm. My knees slightly buckling. If his hand wasn’t firmly on my waist, I know I would cave in right here. His lips seemed to move closer by accident and I moved towards him without thinking. His lips slightly apart, his breath on my lips with the scent of toothpaste, shifting me into a state of trance. My eyelids suddenly became too heavy and I closed my eyes, Bucky’s lips millimetres away from mine, his hand on my body. For a second, I could feel his lips on mine. “Sorry.” Bucky’s hand left my waist and he expanded the distance, leaving me cold. I looked at him puzzled. He put the book on one of the armchairs and kept his gaze away from mine. “I have to look after Steve.” I stood still for a few seconds, the slight contact of his lips still lingering on mine before going up to my room, avoiding all other human interactions. *** I put on my uniform and strode off to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My mind still in a haze from waking up a little too late and having to get ready as quick as possible, resulted in me being a little irritated. Falling asleep last night was not easy as Bucky kept my mind occupied. The events that happened in the library were still fresh on my mind and I could not help but dread sitting at breakfast with him. Entering the kitchen and sitting down at my usual spot, I tried to look up from my plate as little as possible, avoiding making eye contact with Bucky. “Y/n, I’d like your help getting some boxes out of my office.” Bucky said, his words sounding more like a command, than a request to help. My body froze for a moment before I was able to lift my head and look at him. Bucky quickly moved his gaze back to his breakfast. “Sure.” *** After doing my usual morning routine around the house, I changed into more city appropriate attire and headed off to Bucky’s car. We drove fast and kept the conversation to a minimum. Occasionally asking me how I am and what I planned for the weekend, followed by quick, one worded answer. Arriving at the firm, we went into the tall building. The man at the front desk eying him up and down, giving him a seductive look. I tried not to giggle but couldn’t help the smile. Bucky really draws a lot of seductive looks towards him and I couldn’t blame the guy. We went up to the second to last floor and I looked around the space, impressed at how welcoming it looked. Bucky’s office was located at the back of the large room and upon entering, the difference of his office at home couldn’t be more different. Sleek and polished furniture stood against the walls, the high ceiling windows looked over the city and a plant stood in a corner. A little too minimalistic, as if he didn’t make an effort to make this space his. The cold feeling the room gave, made me shiver. Though, as much of a disappointment the room was, the view of the city sure was breath taking. The midday sun stood proudly over the tall buildings and reflecting the sunlight off the windows. I already saw the two boxes lying on top of his desk and walked over to them, taking one, Bucky took the other one propping it under his arm. The small box was heavy and there wasn’t an address on it as I looked at it further. “What’s in here?” “Medicine for Steve.” Bucky said simply and took off to the door, holding it open with his free hand. We walked out of the office and across the room back to the elevator, stepping inside. An arm stopped the doors from closing, and they opened again, Hannah stepped inside and smiled brightly. Her red polished nails stood out from her pale complexion. The ridiculous amount of perfume coating her, left me scrunching my nose and hold back a sneeze. “Well hello Bucky!” “Hey, Hannah. How are you?” “I’m great!” She looked over her shoulder looking at me “Oh hey Y/n.” The grimaced smile still on her red painted lips. I mustered up a smile and a small nod. They talked for the entire time down to the lobby and I couldn’t wait to get out of this elevator. Being stuck in here with her wasn’t my plan for today. We got out and walked outside, against my luck, Hannah didn’t leave us alone and followed us to the car. They kept talking and my arms felt the weight of the box. If they talk for much longer, I’m going to be able to lift an elephant with the muscles I gained. After what felt like hours, she finally left us alone, swaying her hips as we went and we loaded the two boxes into the car.

I loaded the box into the trunk and walked to the passenger side, about to open the door. “How about some ice cream? I mean how about we get some ice cream?” I stopped in my tracks with the handle in my hand. “Sure, why not?” I responded, mentally slapping myself as I closed the car door and walked next to him down the street. This man surely was a puzzle, his demeanour a lot more relaxed and I felt more and more confused about him. We got ice cream at a small place and started walking through the city. Silence fell between us and we ate our ice cream without saying a word, until someone interrupted us. “Y/N!” I looked ahead of me and my eyes widened. I looked up to Bucky and he looked at me puzzled. “How are you?” Wanda pulled me into a hug and let go of me once she noticed Bucky standing next to me. “And who’s this fine man you got there?” Her lips curled up to a smirk and held her hand out for Bucky to shake. “Bucky Barnes, nice to meet you.” He shook her hand and as I watched his face he didn’t look all that comfortable. “Wanda! We have to get going but I’ll see you, yeah?” I tried to pull Bucky and I away from her and Wanda looked a little nervous, but agreed, nonetheless. We walked further into Manhattan and the awkwardness that lingered in the air was visible in our faces. I didn’t know what to talk to him about and apparently, he didn’t either. “Wow definitely have to watch this movie” Bucky said suddenly, excitement in his voice. I looked at whatever he was looking at and saw an ad for a movie coming out later this year, Aquaman. “You have the worst taste in movies.” “What?” “Nothing.” I hid my face by looking in the other direction away from him. “You’re cute, I’ll give you that. But not cute enough to get away with that.” My face was glowing red at this point, and I couldn’t believe he just said that. Bucky walked back to the car with a smile plastered on his face.

*** We got to the house and I sprinted back to my room to change into my uniform. In a slight hurry to clean the rooms I had planned to clean; I made my way down to the basement to get new cloths, since I couldn’t find any more in the cleaning closet. Genevieve oversees washing clothes and such, but she never told me where the dirty clothes end up. The fact that I have never been in the basement has a reason; I hate basements. I slowly descended the stairs carefully and found myself in a corridor. The grey stoned walls gave a feeling of an old castle and didn’t match the rest of the house. It was eerie being down here and the whistle of air blowing through didn’t make it any better. I walked right until I found a single room, my heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. It wasn’t the room I was looking for. The small rectangular room held a bed, a dresser and a toilet were attached to a wall with no way of privacy whatsoever. Not even a sink or anything else to wash one’s self. The question of who this strange room belongs to was answered once I looked at the green overall, which Hank always wears. The hairs on my neck rose with every second I stood in the room. The smell of dirt filled my senses and I couldn’t help but look around further. The drawer was slightly opened, and I inched forward, taking one last look behind me. I opened the draw and saw a few miscellaneous items. Some gardening tools, cloths, and papers. I wouldn't have looked any further at the items if a name didn’t catch my eye. I picked up the small stack of papers, examining them further. They’re letters, addressed to Genevieve and one addressed to him. Judging from the dates, they were pretty old.

Dearest Genevieve, You have drawn me into a spell that I cannot lift. Your beauty exceeds all that I’ve ever seen and to simply gaze upon you does not fulfil my needs. I ought to know you and the person you are. It pains me to see you walk through the halls of this house and not talk to you about you favourite books. You need to know how I feel and should you feel the same, please write.

Yours truly, through and through, Hank.

My jaw dropped as soon as I finished the letter. They’re married? But that can’t be, I didn’t see a ring on either of them. I put the letter to the back of the stack and went to read the next one, this time from Genevieve.

Dear Hank, I noticed your lingering glances and wondered when you would tell me how you feel. I, too, want to know about you, seeing you at the dining table simply does not satisfy my longings for you.

Sincerely, Gen.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the image of them being lovers, seeing as how they are right now. I do wonder when their demeanour changed though. From the letters, both of them seemed normal. I moved on to the next one, a little excited to see what happened next. Dearest Genevieve, I am beyond pleased to know your feelings towards me. Let us meet tomorrow at 12 am in the gardens. Yours truly, through and through, Hank. So, they did have a secret romance going on, but I did wonder what happened after. I placed the letter to the back of the stack of papers and went to the next one, but as I did, I noticed the ink had washed away. I went through the pile, but all the others were destroyed.

I put the letters back into the drawer and walked out of the room, back upstairs. I passed Genevieve in the hallway and wondered what had happened between her and Hank. Everything seemed to be going just fine from what I had read, I just wished I could read the other ones.

***

#james bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes au #creepy!bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x Female Reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #Bad Blood

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allisonbaelfire · 5 years

Text

Sulit

Pairings: Tony Stark!Father x Reader, Morgan Stark!sister x Reader

Requested: 1.) @queenylime - Tony’s Daughter!reader who’s from a previous relationship and a member of the Avengers. Just snippets of her through the Film. Like her interacting with Morgan, her reacting to Nat’s death and of course her fathers / 2.) @marvelgladers – can you write something where Reader has a nightmare where Tony dies and she goes up to his room to make sure he’s okay and just breaks down crying and has a panic attack and he comforts her afterwards?

Chapter Summary: After 5 years you decided to live with your father again to be there for your sister. But in order to do that, you first had to talk to your father again.

Word Count: 2, 631

Authors Note: I’m so sorry for the quality of the gif / btw endgame broke me but Morgan is way too cute // This is part one!

Sulit ~ (adj.) something that is worth it.

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Avengers Facility:

Scott Lang was back. He brought Steve and Natasha hope, hope to undo everything that Thanos made disappear. But for that they needed help, your dad’s help.

“He won’t do it Cap.” You leaned against the door looking at Steve.

Steve looked at you with a look you knew only too well. He knew, if he would go to your father without you and ask for his help, he would say no, but what if you asked him?

“Y/N, that could be our only chance.” Natasha appealed to you.

You replied and shook your head. “I’m not like my dad, not that smart but-” You walked over to her. “if we screw up – and the possibility is 90% that we do, we’ll lose everything.” You looked at her than at Steve, he didn’t nod or anything but he knew you were right.

“We owe it to anyone who’s not in this room to try.”

You knew that not only did she point to half humanity, but also to Peter.

You and Peter started dating, just before the snap. He really meant a lot to you, you missed him every day.

Still, you wouldn’t have thought that she would use Peter against you, just to convince your dad for something where nobody knew if it would work. You left the control room and went into your own room in the Avengers facility.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey,” Steve mumbled. You looked at him. “You knew she didn’t mean it like that.” He came to you and sat down.

You laid on the ground and looked up. You had a glass panel as a ceiling, you loved to see the sky, especially in the evening.

You looked at him. “And you know exactly that she did.” You responded.

You grew up with Steve and you and you were good friends. He was always there for you when you felt bad or needed advice.

Steve chuckled and you did too. Then he laid next to you. “You know we’ve to try.”

You exhaled. “Do you remember how disappointed he was when he came back and knew I didn’t listen to him and became an Avenger? Meanwhile, we are a family again but you can see where I live, he is still disappointed. I don’t know if he’ll listen or throw me out.”

“He won’t.” Steve replied.

“How are you so sure?”

Steve smiled. “Morgan would throw him out first.” You both chuckled. “Besides, he’s your dad.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tony Stark’s House:

Natasha, Steve, Scott and you had just arrived at your father's house. You didn’t even get out and you were nervous.

Your dad and you used to have a great relationship, but when you became part of the Avengers, it changed. Pepper and Morgan were the only reason why you talked to each other again.

“Y/N!” Morgan shouted and ran to you.

“Hey, troublemaker.” You smiled and picked her up.

She wrapped her arms around your neck and hugged you tight. “I’ve missed you so much.” Natasha smirked as she saw you both.

“How much?” You replied playful.

“Missed you 1000.” She chuckled.

Your dad so smiled as he saw you both interacting. But when he saw Steve's facial expression, his smile disappeared. You noticed.

You put your little sister on the ground again. “Okay little one, how about you go inside and tell mom that I’m home?” You smiled and your sister nodded, then she ran inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Scott explained your father what he wanted to do – time travelling. Steve tried to convince him, Natasha too but he said no without even thinking about it.

First you wanted to be quiet. Steve just wanted you to come along, not that you say something. But suddenly it bursts out of you.

“How can you be so stubborn?” You mumbled. “Did you forget them already? Did you forget him, Peter?” You looked at your father disappointed.

Tony looked at you, as if he couldn’t believe what you were saying. Although he was never a fan of both of you dating, he loved Peter like a son, he was his family.

“Y/N, what they – what you want to do, won’t work. You’ll either fail or change our time and we could lose what we’ve now.” He explained angry.

You stood up and before you could say another word, Morgan came out of the house. “Mom said I should safe you.” She spoke soft and went on your dad’s lap.

“You did, you did safe me.” Tony responded and lifted her up.

“Tony, this could be our second chance.” Steve added.

“I’m holding my second chance in my arms.” Your father replied. “If you won’t talk about work, you can stay.” Then he went inside.

“I told you.” You said to Steve and went to the car.

You were angry, angry that you knew that your father didn’t even want to listen to your plan. But you were also mad at yourself, that you thought he was finally over it that you were an Avenger. That you hoped to bring everyone back.

The others also came to the car, Steve touched your shoulder to comfort you. He knew your father's words hurt you a little bit. But before you could open the door of the car, Morgan ran outside and back to you.

“Can you please stay?” She asked and it seemed like she was about to cry. “I don’t want you to go.”

Your heart broke. You loved your little sister over everything and if the snap brought out something good, then it was Morgan. But you had to work on a solution to bring everyone back.

You knelt in front of her but as you wanted to say something Natasha knelt next to you both. “Y/N, will stay.” You looked confused at her. “Will you watch out for her until I’m back?”

Morgan nodded. “Yes, Auntie Nat.”

“Go inside and wash hands, I’ll be right behind you.” You said to your sister and she did.

“Why?” You asked Natasha.

“Because you still have your family and they need you.” She smiled soft.

“You’re also my family.” You responded. Natasha hugged you tight.

You were confused how Natasha behaved. It's like saying goodbye to you, in a different way.

“We always will be, but you stay here.” She nodded and wiped a small tear away.

“We’ll go to Bruce, maybe he can help us.” Steve responded. “We'll let you know if there is something new, but Natasha is right, you should stay here for now.” He also hugged you.

“Don’t mess it up.” You looked at Scott who pointed on himself and shook his head.

“Never.”

Then they got in the car and drove off. You had a strange feeling in your stomach, as if something bad was about to happen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You went into the house and saw your family sitting at the dining table. It was nice to see them as if everything was okay and nothing bad would ever happen here.

After eating, you helped Pepper get Morgan to bed.

“You know he didn’t mean it like this.” Pepper said as she waited for Morgan to finish cleaning her teeth.

“You heard it?”

She nodded. “I know, sometimes you think he doesn’t love you as much as he loves Morgan or me but that’s so not true, Y/N. I was with him as your mother left him with you.” You looked at her and your eyes filled with tears, you tried to hide. “He was never alone because he had you and he did everything in his life for you. He loves you so much.”

“They’re cleaner than clean, looooook!” Morgen smiled as bright as she could.

You chuckled. “Good Job trouble, bedtime story?” You asked her and she nodded excited.

“Fine, then I’ll help daddy with the dishes. Good night baby.” Pepper kissed Morgan on her forehead.

You picked your little sister up and carried her in her bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“What story shall I read to you, you’ve so many!” You pretended to be excited to she would be happy.

“I want to hear some Avengers Stories.” She replied and laid down. “Dad hates to talk about it and mom doesn’t know much.”

You smiled soft. “Fine. Make some space.” You laid next to your sister and she cuddled herself in your arms. “A long time ago, before Thanos, Dad and the other Avengers had to fight Loki -”

“Thor’s Brother?” Morgan made big eyes and looked shocked.

“Mhm.” You chuckled. “Loki wanted to rule our world. Probably because Thor was about to be king in Asgard and Loki also wanted to be a king.”

“But that is mean, why was he so mean?” She asked.

“I don’t think he wanted to be mean, I think he just wanted to be loved as well. However, Dad was the only one who could find out where Loki was, in the old Avengers Tower in New York. He was so brave to distract Loki alone, so Aunt Natasha could come to the scepter. Then-” You looked at Morgan, she was already asleep.

It was nice to see your little sister sleep so peacefully. Actually, you would sleep in the guest room, but it was nice not to be alone. So, you decided to sleep here with your sister.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning, you woke up alone. You were worried that Morgan was not next to you, but then you remembered she lived in the safest house in the world.

You went to the bathroom and took a quick shower, you put on the clothes that Pepper put out for you and went down. When you looked at the clock, you noticed you had already overslept lunch. It was the first time in years that you had slept well and long.

“You’re awaaaake!” Morgan smiled and jumped in your arms. “Don’t sleep so long everyday okay, I need someone to play and mom and dad are not as fun as you.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Pepper replied and you two chuckled.

You lifted your pinky finger up and made a pinky promise to Morgan not to sleep so long anymore.

“Do you want to eat?” Pepper smiled and you nodded.

“Let me eat something quick and then we can play outside.” You put her down and she nodded.

“I’ll wait for you in my secret hiding.” Morgan laughed. “You’ve to find me.” Then she ran outside.

You looked at Pepper, “When it’s a secret how shall I?” You grinned.

“It’s her tent.” She chuckled and you joined her.

“Where’s-?”

“Your father? In the Garage.” She responded.

“Some things never change.” You mumbled. “Thanks for the clothes, I’ll ask Steve to get some of my stuff here.”

“No need, I’ve a lot I can share with you.” Pepper replied smiling and sat next to you. “You know, I also missed you a lot.” She admitted. “I mean, I'm not your mother and maybe you came a bit short since Morgan but I was with you since you were a baby so-”

You hugged Pepper tight. No, she wasn’t your real mother but that never made anything different. She always took care of you and watched out for you. She helped you in school, when you were in trouble – because you were your father’s daughter, school wasn’t so interesting for you, and when you fell for Peter. She was there your whole life and you couldn’t have asked for a better mom.

“Just because I didn’t say “Mom” the last times I was here, doesn’t mean you aren’t my mother any more. You always will be, no matter what.” Pepper hugged you back and you felt that she was crying happy tears. “But if I have to find Morgan now.” You let go of her and she nodded.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Troublemaker, where are you?” You asked as you were going around her tent.

Morgan sneaked out of her hiding place and tried to scare you. You noticed people who wanted to kill you, miles away but you still pretended that she scared you.

You fell to the ground. “Oh god, don’t do that again!” You joked.

You played with Morgan for a few hours, which seemed like minutes to you. You noticed that Morgan was very similar to you in some things. She was a fighter rather than a genius.

“Morgan!” Pepper shouted. “Come inside, you’ve to shower and after it we eat dinner.”

“Oh mommy, no.” She replied sad. “We wanna play.”

You chuckled. “Come on, listen to mom.” Pepper came to get her.

“But what if you’re gone when I come back?” She seemed sad. “I don’t want to lose you.”

This broke your heart. “I won’t I promise.” You kissed her head. “I’ll clean up our mess and then I’ll come inside too.” Morgan nodded and Pepper brought her inside.

Morgan looked at you until she was inside, she was worried you would break your promise. It hurt you to see your little sister like that, Natasha and Steve were right. It was right to stay with your family. Morgan needed you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Your dad came out of the garage, heading straight for you. He looked like he was mad and would want you to leave.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke. You were surprised. “I didn’t want you to feel like you’re not a part of the family.”

“What do you mean?” You replied.

Since you were here, you both didn’t talk to each other much. He didn’t give you the feeling that he wanted you here or that he didn’t want it. It seemed like you ignored each other.

“Five years ago, when I came back. I wasn’t mad because you became an Avenger nor was I disappointed, I was scared to death.” He explained. His words confused you, you two sat down on the porch.

“I’ve missed many moments of your life. I mean Pepper had to film you first steps because I had to work.” He remembered. “Then I lost against Thanos and thought I lost you, I come back and you’re an Avenger, ready to die to fix my mess.”

“But you knew that Natasha and Clint trained me. You wanted Steve to train me too. What did you expect? That I’d sit there when you were lost in space, instead of helping and protecting Earth like you thought me all those years when I watched you from below?”

“I hoped so.” Tony looked at you. “I wanted you to know how to protect yourself if necessary but not to protect the world. “It’s like Morgan said, I don’t want to lose you.” He admitted. “And I’m not much of a talker, I just thought you’d know why I was so distant.”

“I thought you were mad and Steve and me because I fought along his side. Because you maybe thought he forced me to fight. He didn’t, he tried to get me as far away from the fight as he could at first.” You replied. “I broke into your lab and found the suit, and Dad I know you didn’t make it for mom, F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me.” You looked at him. “It was mine and it was on me to save the Earth, alongside the Avengers, when we didn’t know if Earth’s greatest protector would ever come back. I had to avenge you.”

“Damn it, Y/N.” he pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head.

You felt that your dad was crying, so your tears fell as well. It was nice to be held back by your dad, you missed him.

You felt a tiny hand on your back and on your head. “I love you 1700.” Morgan whispered.

Your dad and you chuckled. “We love you too.”

______________________

Tags: @marvelgladers, @profoundlyunimpressedwiththeban, @abswritesfandoms, @not-so-epic-iii, @queenylime

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Here you can read: Part Two

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#Marvel #avengers endgame imagine #avengers imagine #endgame spoiler #a4 spoiler #Morgan Stark #Tony Stark #Pepper Potts #Steve Rogers #Peter Parker #Natasha Romanoff #Scott Lang #tony stark x reader #Morgan stark x Reader #tony stark!father #Morgan Stark!sister #avengers endgame

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