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destructive-path · 5 months

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Patrol Partner Protection Syndrome - E.W.

summary: Ellies habit of going above and beyond her duties as a patrol partner causes you to question her motives.

tags: patrol partner!ellie, slight innocent! reader, ellie is older than you in this, swearing, a kiss is shared at the end, no smut in this one folks just good ol fashion yearning :)

a/n: as usual i wrote this very spur of the moment and its not proofread but you love me anyways so j shut up and enjoy

“Yep, that sounds like a classic case of the 3PS.”

“3PS? That sounds like a fucking star wars character.”

A loud laugh leaves Jesses lips at your remark furthering your frustration visibly before Dina smacks him on the shoulder gently.

“Patrol partner protection syndrome.” Dina says plainly.

“What the hell is that?”

“Its why Ellie threatened that guy that was flirting with you at the bison last night.”

The look on your face is still riddled with confusion. Dina sighs deeply, your innocence was always something that was a little difficult for others to adjust to. Explaining certain topics always took a little longer when it came to you.

“Sometimes, when two people get paired up on patrol they begin to…how should I say this? Okay look. Usually in a pair theres one person who feels a strong obligation to protect the other. It doesnt always have to be the stronger person per say. On patrol you and this one person go through some serious shit together. You both become more and more venerable the more you put your trust in them and let them protect you, aaand sometimes the lines blur between them protecting you to keep you alive and them protecting you because they think they are meant to. All the time.”

You slowly begin to understand.

“Its what happened with me and Jesse…Tommy and Maria too.”

“Wait but you’re all couples.”

Jesse and Dina look at each other then look at you. A grin fights its way on both their faces, then your eyes grow wide.

“Oh my god….OH? MY GOD? Are you saying Ellie likes me?”

They both burst out into laughter, once again making you feel extremely embarrassed. You cross your arms in frustration and slump further in your chair.

“Hey. Hey hey. Im not saying she HAS a crush on you, because thats not my place to assume how she feels completely.”

“Buut she did mention her heart beats faster anytime you smile at her, and thats like pretty gay.”

“JESSE.”

Jesse throws his hands up in defense, then shoots you a sympathetic look.

“Sorry! Look am I wrong? You two would be great together. Plus i’m sick of hearing about you every time Ellie comes over.”

“JESSE!”

“What? WHAT?”

“Your killing them.”

You felt exhausted. Ellie had feelings for you? She consoled in her best friends about your smile? This changes everything. How were you supposed to see her casually or for patrol, knowing what you knew now.

“Jesus im losing it.”

“Well, do you feel anything for Ellie?”

You thought about it for a moment.

“I-I dont know. I mean I like having her around. She always makes me feel comfortable…safe. I really like when she cooks for me or plays me songs on her guitar. She always looks so cool when she plays, and her voice is sooo pretty. I mean shes also really pretty too. Well not pretty…more like-“

As you search for the right word to describe Ellie you notice the way the couple looks at you. Like you just said something incredibly obvious and extremely oblivious to you. Then it sinks in.

“Oh my god I like Ellie.”

They both nod in unison.

“I gotta go.” You shoot up and grab your bag then rush out Dina and Jesses place, not bothering to say your goodbyes. You only had one thing in mind.

Ellie.

—

As you run as fast as your legs can muster, you think about the events of last night that led you to Dinas and Jesses inquiring them for advice.

It was all very trivial and cliche. You had been dancing at the Tipsy Bison after a few shots of whiskey, on your own. The usual gang was there minding their own except for Ellie. She always had her eyes on you whenever your presence was near. Glass in hand as she leaned on the bar watching while you spun around the room. Ellie couldn’t bring herself to join you, so she settled for being an audience member. She always admired your outgoing nature, never concerned on what others think of you. As Ellie thought about other attributes you had that made her fall for you, someone else had decided to take it upon them to impede on your dance party of one.

Some man tall in height but skinny in stature stood uncomfortably close to you. Uncomfortable for Ellie that is. The grip had tightened on her glass so that if she clenched any harder it would break. The sight of the mans arm slithering around your waist and pulling you close had Ellie swallowing the rest of the contents of her drink and slamming the glass on the bar counter and making her way over to you both.

“Ellie-“ Dina tried to stop her due to the angry nature of the glass hitting the wood making a sound loud enough to pull the couple away from whatever they were having, but its no good.

“Save it.” Ellie snaps, then makes her way over to you. As she advances closer she can tell you weren’t one hundred percent comfortable with this random mans advances on you. She knew you were too nice, too innocent to understand that his intentions were not pure and that you didnt have the strength to push him away. But Ellie sure did.

“Thats enough of that.” Ellie says as she rips the mans arms off of you and grabs your wrists to pull you away from him.

“Woah woah who the fuck are you?”

“Im Ellie, and we are leaving.”

“I think they can make that decision for themselves huh?”

Ellie looks at you with a deep frustration. One you had never seen in those eyes before. Not even on patrol, this was something by different. If you weren’t so tipsy you could swear it was laced with a heavy amount of possession.

“Ellie.” you slur slightly.

“We are leaving. Now.” Before the man can protest you were being pulled out the door and into the cold jackson night.

The walk back to your place was silent. Ellies grip on your wrist had morphed into a waffling hand hold sometime after you exited the Tipsy Bison. The warmth of her fingers intertwined with yours made you heat up inside, blushing extremely prominently due to the alcohol running through your system.

When you had finally reached your door Ellie pulls you face to face with her. Hand still together. She uses her free hand to push some loose strands of off your face to see you better. A soft smile twitches on her lips for a moment then she finally speaks.

“Go inside and go to bed, you’re drunk.” Its not the farewell you hoped for, but it’s soft. Ellie utters the words with care in her own way. You can’t help but stare at her through lidded puppy eyes and nod slowly.

You turn to unlock the door then turn back around.

“Goodnight Ellie.” You whisper in a way that makes her heart ache.

“Goodnight.”

It’s only when she turns around to walk away does she finally let go of your hand.

“Ellie? Ellie please open up I know you’re in there.”

After knocking for what felt like forever you were finally graced with the sounds of locks being undone. You take a step back and watch the door swing open revealing a slightly disheveled looking Ellie. Still she renders you speechless for a moment her appearance making you shy, as it always has.

“What’s up?” She says genuinely concerned. You see her face soften when she realized the interruption of her personal time was you. The difference making you blush.

“I-Can I come in?”

Her eyes grow wide, you hadn’t been inside of her space yet. The vision of you and her in her room alone flashes through her brain. She steps aside and opens the door fully to make room for you to enter.

“Oh yeah of course please come in. Sorry.” She laughs shyly. You make your way into her space and can no longer hold your questions to yourself.

“Sorry its kind of a mess I wasnt really expecting any-“

“Ellie do you like me?” Its silent for a moment before Ellie speaks up.

“Of course I like you kid, you’re my patrol partner.”

“No not in that way I mean, you’re always looking out for me and making me things. Even when we aren’t on patrol! You act like my bodyguard sometimes…”

Ellie knows exactly where to is going. Your confrontation of her actions makes her smile a bit.

“I feel the need to protect you outside of patrol sometimes, sure.” Shes looking right in your eyes, observing the look on your face so she doesn’t say the wrong thing. Right now you look as if you had just been hypnotized eyes devoid of much thought.

“3PS.” You whisper, just loud enough for Ellie to hear. It’s quiet for a moment then an involuntary scoff comes from Ellie as she raises her arm to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“You’ve been talking to fucking Jesse.” She laughs and turns away from you. You watch her in awe of what you felt like Jesse and Dina had prophesied. Was it really that simple? The act of protecting someone equating to love was a thought that made your heart swell.

“Ellie…I like you. Alot. But I need to know if you like like me or if you just like me enough to protect me. Like you would protect Jesse or Dina. Because I thought I just liked you but then I started thinking about your voice-“

“My voice?” Ellie had turned back around and was still while watching this confession spill out of you. Her question driving a step closer to you, the advancement unbeknownst to you due to the rambling of your thoughts.

“Yes your voice, and the way you sing and play guitar for me and how much i like it-”

Another step.

“-and how pretty you sound when you sing-“

Step.

“-and how pretty you look, well- not pretty but-“

With this last step you had only now realized how close she had gotten. Speech dying at the lack of a word to describe Ellies appearance. You were certain there wasn’t a word so great.

“You don’t think i’m pretty?” Shes pouts, lost on your words. The praise of her leaving your lips so easily is something she would soon crave often. Your breath begins to pick up slightly at her question. The look on her face causes you to whimper slightly. A look of hurt adorns her face, exaggerated to make you feel bad for her.

“No.” You protest meekly.

“No?” Ellie shakes her head in offense.

“No! I-I mean…I think you’re very pretty Ellie.” You shakily admit. The words make you feel a wave of embarrassment in this situation. Her proximity not making this confession any easier.

“Yeah?” She questions rising her hands to push your hair out of your face as she did the night before. The feeling of her fingertip makes you lean into her touch, closing your eyes at the soft stroke of her digit on your forehead.

“Mhhm” You nod and sigh simultaneously. As your head falls due to your loss of strength at her touch, she takes your head into her hand and strokes your cheek with her thumb. This delicate action causes your eyes to open slowly meeting Ellies green ones. Everything about her exudes admiration. She cant get enough of how at her disposal you seemed to be in this moment. The sight of you had coaxed out the need to protest admitting her feelings. No longer afraid that you might deny her.

“I..like like you too.” She whispers while staring at your lips, licking her own at the sight of them. The new shine of her lips brings a heat to your cheeks, Ellie notices this and inhales deep. Her confession has you reeling. The sound of her voice as she admits her likeness towards you radiates need. For once you are certain it’s because of you. Ellie needed you. Ellie wanted you.

“Stay with me today. Hmm? Let me show you.” The softness of her request is as comforting as a pillow. You can tell she so desperately wants to rid you of any doubts that Ellie was completely and utterly infatuated with you.

“Show me what?” You ask curious of what she had in store. She licks her lips again. Then brings your face so close that you can feel Ellies breath on your lips as she whispers-

“How much I like you.”

before placing a desperate kiss on your lips.

#ellie the last of us #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie x you #the last of us #tlou #tlou2 #ellie tlou #ellie williams fic

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4pfsukuna · 2 months

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omfg bruhhhhh

yall want me to believe Choso “on sight before his feet even land on the floor” Kamo is some pathetic whiney crybaby? Like why is every fic so… ugh i want him to fight back. Somebody please tag me or drop a link for assertive/ aggresive/ dominant choso! (Prefferably black reader)

like do i gotta write it myself?

Choso who meets you when you both come in late at night its 2am and youre standing in the hall talking about whatever the hell a middle part buss down is. He doesnt care he just wish you werent so loud… in your shared hall.

you glare at him because who was he talking too! You pay the same amount of rent as him and to damn much at that they should be lucky you werent in the lounge making ramen watching their t.v right now.

It doesnt get better when you bang on his door asking him to turn his music down cause why was he playing last resort by papa roach at 3:30am on a wednesday. He opens the door in a hoodie and tight calvin klein boxers and your eyes drift for a second until the next rock song starts up this time in japanese and he has the audacity to have an annoyed expresion with you!

”did you want something or did you just want to stare” he glares annoyed with a steady voice though youre expecting him to snap.

“Who answers the door in their boxers have some decorum” you respond half embarassed that he caught you. “And your music is loud… some of us have jobs in the morning” and you storm off not leaving any room for backtalk.

the next time he sees you is a few days later when youre both rushing out and slam into another his shirt and leather jacket falling to the floor with your purse falling sending your wallet down the hall and lip gloss shattering that dior gloss was not cheap.

”are you fucking kidding me” he hisses and you notice hes shirtless silver bars through his nipples and a few tattoos littered across his chest.

”you got a real stairing problem there princess” which makes you smirk.

“you look like a 1st grade art project… line work isnt half bad its just the asshole its attatched to” you retort collecting your items not realizing a few slipped from your wallet.

it was maintenance day you didnt have time to worry about shit it was hair lashes nails toes and a fresh tattoo and belly piercing your friend finally found an artist that did both and had clean work.

youre all smiles and sunshine walking into C.K. Parlor even enjoying the convo with the pink haired male receptionist whos so sweet mentioning this was his brothers shop but something about this guy looks familiar.

“Hes so hot” your friend gushes making you turn around and groan at the sight of your annoying ass neighbor.

”couldnt get enough bothering me home so you come here” he teases but theres something so stoicly calm about his anger… its more so mild annoyance.

”i actually came to get a tattoo and piercing but i think ill pass” you speak not wanting to admit you actually loss your credit card but youre here for moral support for your friend who now that you look at her looks like she doesnt need it.

”youre already here dont tell me youre chicken… come on ill even do it for free”

”free?” Oh that had your attention.

“mhmmm lets call it a truce no more loud… anything just being good neighbors”

and its not long before youre on the table the design being shaded into your spine and he admires how you just take it… his mind does begin to drift to if you can take anything else when he notices how pretty you look today.

he actually loves white on your toes and the crisp french tip on your hands. Its when he notices the snake tattoo wrapped around your wrist that he realizes you might be interesting and not just some stuck up—

“you wanted your belly pierced too right?” He ask and if someone wouldve told you that youd be half dressed infront of your neighbor Today you wouldnt believe it. Hes professional and doesnt even glance at the double d’s you have in your lace bra… ok he did but you didnt notice at all.

you thought you seen his ears burn red but hes quick to turn away disposing of the needle and your completely suprised by how soft and careful his hands are… ahem he is.

”and maybe we can actually be nice to another” he says softly holding out your credit card that you dropped earlier.

your truce last all of 5 days. It wasnt your fault meg the stallion announced she was going on tour and you couldnt help the screams of joy and to blast her music.

you dont expect anyone to bang on your door or barge in when you open it.

”excuse the fuck out of me” you hiss slamming your door facing him when you notice hes looking past your face and down at your body.

you were wearing a dark purple lace bra and underwear the silver belly ring he initially put in switched out for a dangly silver one with a dragon that matched your tattoo and yes it was to early to change.

”my eyes are up here”

”please. Nothing i havent seen before princess actually it kind of looks like the black one” he smirks watching the fury in your eyes as you look for something to cover up.

”get the fuck out”

he saunters (the god damn audacity) out but not without pressing his whole body into you as if the walkway wasnt wide enough making sure to press himself into your ass leaning down to your ear.

”good night princess” and you dont have to look at him to know hes smirking but that raspy voice does something to you.

that night you go to bed with 3 orgasms… what dont make that face you had a voice kink and couldnt help it.

he smirks when he sees you the next day and you try to ignore him as he unlocks his car door.

”sleep well? You know the walls are thin and im sure our bedrooms share a wall”

you make a mental note to get on apartment finder tonight.

”im sure that was your first time ever hearing a womans moans outside of porn” you hiss back you werent no weak bitch.

and he wasnt a cliche man his taunts went further then just an insult back, hed give you more content for tonight. After all he was helping you help him.

”just be a good girl for me and let me hear everything tonight alright princess” he utters in a deep octave that makes your breathing stutter and you cant form a proper sentence and any insult is going to be childish.

you of course try to walk off but he grabs your arm pulling you closely his large hand spreading across your lower back.

”did i say i was done… look up at me” and you bite your lip to keep your jaw off the floor this man was wicked and you were not about to play with a devil.

”youre such a pretty mess” he adds in watching the gloss in your eyes before you come to your senses pushing him off heading fown the street.

”wrong direction princess” and you were headed the other way but you should probably just head back inside to change underwear.

and if he could hear you through the wall you were going to put on a show, you make sure even whine moan groan whimper and cry can be heard through these thin ass walls honestly you were so sensitive from overstimulating yourself… It was his fault.

You do everything in your power to avoid him the next few days that post nut clarity knocking some sense into you.

You actually have no idea how wrecked he’s been. How wrecked you had him! He needs to hear it again.

he might turn slightly yandere for you. its when you get a call at 1am and of course youre up you had actually just got out the shower.

”is this your payback” he hisses into the phone though you arent sure what hes talking about.

”how the fuck did you get my number? Doesnt matter bye”

“stop it just listen” he grunts catching your attention “i just need you to be a good girl for me just once i promise” he nearly begs and you have a wicked idea of what he’s doing on the other side of the phone.

you listen to every command, praise and groan his sultry voice lets out your fingers and sheets soaked

“you did such a good job baby, you deserve a reward how about you cum for me” he grunts sending both of you to your end him losing it to the sound of your orgasm.

“i wanna take you out on a date” and thats when you hang up not in the mood for his antics.

hes serious though, he takes you to the finest seafood restaurant with expensive alcohol you cant pronounce he even gets you a dress to wear, suprising you with a new dior lip gloss…3 actually.

”thats how many times you orgasmed through the wall the first night…” you thank God for your brown skin and him not being able to see you blush. He genuinely takes the time for you to get to know another subtly throwing in praises.

by the time you get back to the car your a wreck hair frizzing from your body overheating already.

your legs are rubbingg together and he spreads them guiding your hand down.

“Be a good girl for me and show me how pretty you look when you cum”

You happily comply watching as his hands fidget while driving

When he gets you back to his place your clothes are off and your back is against his fluffy comforter, not that you had time to notice but his whole room is black.

Hes a certified munch and will eat you until youre lightheaded. He eats you out on your back, makes you ride his face, eats you from the back he has you in 7 different positions from head alone.

He gives the deepest stroke while telling you how pretty you are for him the most filthies things he can mutter in your ear giving you back shots the pillow under your stomach propping you up as he plays with your clit begging for you to cum.

you black out and hes not far behind but makes sure to clean you with a warm rag and throws a tshirt on you.

He loves waking up to you and will actually barge in your home or bring you over to his.

He has his own stubborn ways which you will sometimes talk your best shit which he loves, he needs his woman to be on go not some docile lil weakling.

and sometimes he fights back!

#Choso kamo #choso x black!reader #choso jjk #choso x reader #choso smut #jujutsu kaisen choso #kamo choso #choso x you #choso x y/n #choso x female reader

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thetrashbinseries · 4 months

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— Fahrenheit ( bangchan x reader )

rated - mature | minors dni

parts - one, two (explicit)

warnings - idol universe, name changed idols, mature themes, drug use, alcohol use, sexual themes, mentions of mental illness, slight angst

x x x

“It’s not rocket science, Chris."

My annoyance hits the roof. What the hell is his problem? Why's he turning this into a damn soap opera?

"You're back in LA. New York—yes or no?"

Chris tiptoes the line ever since last year's scandal close shave. I get playing it safe, but I'm alone in a six-bedroom Jersey fortress. In the U.S. media game, I'm golden. No cancel threats, not yet in my rising career.

But the spotlight got hotter after the last single went viral. Chris, in the crosshairs of relentless management, dances a careful routine.

He's the big shot, leader of the world's hottest K-pop group. His company would shoot themselves in the foot by axing him. Yet, Mr. Libra doesn't dig rocking the boat.

"-I want to, babe, but it's too risky right now."

I sigh. Twisting my computer chair, neon lights bathe me in purples and reds. I'm in the studio, bullshitting on songs for the third album.

I've had it. "Catch you later, Chris." The call drops, facedown on the desk, anger swirling.

"Seriously, fuck you." I spit out, taking it personally.

Being a foreigner feels like the snag. His industry would call me a disgrace tagging along.

I don't need that energy.

Am I settling as his 'little secret'? I'm 29, he's 27 – grown folks. Pings remind me of him, but I silence the noise. Facetime interrupts, Jake, the friend with benefits. Games or busy, no time for emotional plays.

Warner signed my band, deep in commitments, mind racing. A shrink's gift? Adderall for my ADHD.

Now, even less time for the BS.

"Hey, daddy." I purr, thickening my accent.

Jake’s smile fades as he eyes me. "What?" I giggle,

"Stop playing with me like that, y/n."

"How am I playing with you?"

"You're gonna end up with your legs cocked back like last time, girl, cool it."

Laughter ensues. I glimpse his background – a parking garage stairwell. We catch up every couple of weeks via Facetime.

"Where are you at?" I squint.

"Recognize it?" Jake turns his phone, revealing the New York City skyline.

"You're out here? Aw, shit." I lean back in my chair, a half-cocked grin, tongue behind my lower lip.

"Aw, shit is right! What's up? What are you up to tonight?"

I chuckle, rolling my eyes. "Nah, uh, Jake. We gotta play nice. I got a good thing going on right now."

He sighs, exasperation audible. "You two still a thing? Thought you were photographed over there, outside the JYPE building?"

"I was."

"They ain't letting that fly, you serious, y/n?"

"I mean, they're being hard on him, but we're still trying to make it work." I express more hope than Chris does. Jake’s viewpoint is valid – he's been through the K-pop circuit, burned out, went solo, and found massive international success.

Which is why he bitches about it.

It's unfair.

"I do wanna see you, though," I admit, the need for an adventure kicking in.

"That's my girl. Hey, I'm about to hop in the car. Should be able to make it over in twenty. You at your spot in Jersey?"

"Yes, I am, Jake, but don't come in on no bullshit."

"I'm always on bullshit. See you in twenty."

Jake hangs up before I can fight back.

Why is my grin so wide? I roll my eyes at my own excitement, surprised at how genuinely thrilled I am to be around someone who wants to be with me. Scanning Chris's messages puts me in a better mood.

babydaddy: there’s no way you just hung up like that -_-

babydaddy: this is my life…my career…

babydaddy: why can't you be more patient?? this is hard for me too…

babydaddy: we need to talk tomorrow…

babydaddy: about us, and where this is going.

The last message triggers something in me. My stomach twists like it always does before bad news. It doesn't change, whether in poverty in my hometown or a small Jersey mansion. The same sunken gut reaction. We've been going back and forth, but this sounds... final. At some point, he'll grow sick of it. I know I have.

Yet, there's so much I love about Chris. Selfishly, I don't want him with anyone else. He's the man of my dreams, flawed as he is, he’s human. My human. I panic, feeling like my boat has sprung a leak, desperate to plug it somehow.

Knowing myself, I turn my phone upside down, placing it on my desk and stand up, distancing myself from the setting. Something else would trap me; all I want is not to reply to him with charged emotion. It wouldn't help anything.

Jake’s on his way over.

I take a deep breath, letting my anxiety settle. I'll talk to him; he always has good insight and wisdom beyond his years. I look at myself in the mirror. I'm in comfy mode, barefoot, walking across hardwood floors.

Entering the dimly lit kitchen, I brew hot chocolate, curling my toes against the balls of my feet, cracking knuckles as I chew my lower lip, mind drifting to Chris. Resistance is weaker now; the reasons to text back sound more convincing. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind, grab my cup, and sip as I walk past my bearded dragon's tank. It's late; he's asleep, tucked into his pink bed. I stare at each plant, trying to keep my thoughts in check.

My outdoor motion detection buzzes the smartwatch on my wrist, signaling someone's arrival. I glimpse headlights through my foyer. My grin widens; I bite my lip, urging myself to behave.

"Alexa, shuffle my evening playlist on Spotify, downstairs."

The nearest speaker obeys, filling the space with music. My dog scurries around my feet as the doorbell rings, and my bigger dog's deep barks echo throughout the house.

“Hey, cool it!" I shout at them, stepping over the little one weaving through my legs, nipping my ankles for some ungodly reason. I open the door, visibly exasperated, while my larger dog bellows from the top of the stairs.

Jake points to her behind me, furrowing his brows dramatically. "I thought we were friends!"

My dog hurls another final, loud bark before slowly making her way down the stairs. I let Jake in, lock the door, and he takes off his shoes, grabbing a disposable guest pair from the basket by the front door. I turn, starting down the hall, and Jake’s full body weight slams into me from behind, arms wrapping around my body, causing me to stumble. Seemingly unpredictably, he stops us from falling while laughing. I catch my footing, give him a firm shove, swipe stray hair behind my ear, and correct the other side, giving him a side-eye.

"Now, you know damn well I'm too clumsy for some stupid shit like that," I scoff, turning into the living room. I walk over to the glass coffee table near the sofa, grab the nearby gold electric candle lighter, tip it into the wide, three-wick candle, and light each of their blackened tips. The scents of apple-cinnamon, cedar, sandalwood, and vanilla fill the room, complemented by the warm orange glow of well-placed LED lights. I sit on the edge of the sofa, and Jake takes his favorite spot on the oversized black beanbag chair nearby. He pulls his hood off, followed by his knitted beanie, ruffling his dark brown hair.

I've got to say, Jake is a handsome guy, no doubt about it.

But I've got problems, and I've caught heavy feelings for one of my biggest headaches lately—Christopher Bang.

We're in this so deep, at least on my end.

I start to think a little harder, trying to see beyond the rose colored glasses for a moment. His text plays through my head as I scroll on my phone, my excuse being searching for another song to skip to on Spotify. But, of course, I get back to the messages Chris sent earlier.

"About us, and where this is going…"

We'd never had an official conversation about being exclusive. We met by chance, fell for each other, and started sneaking around together. I consider Chris my boyfriend, and I’m saved in his phone under ‘baby.' That's got to mean something, right?

The horror begins to set in—has this been a situationship this whole time? Is that why he never went public?

Anxiety creeps in.

"Yo," Jake snaps his fingers, waving his fingers. Damn, I must've been really distracted, crinkled brows as I stare into my phone, thumb tapping against the glass but not doing anything. I look up at him, raising my brows as if I had just briefly missed something he recently said.

"Hm?" I ask.

He's sitting up more, his left hand stroking one of my cats. "Talk to me, girl," he gestures to the marble ashtray with half of a joint, "And pass it."

I lean forward, grabbing the pink joint and placing it between my lips. I use the lighter nearby, sparking it, blowing a few times, the smoke thick and pungent, rising into the air. I tap it into the ashtray and lean over, passing it his way. Jake takes it graciously, placing it between the center of his pink lips and taking a big inhale. He holds it in, nodding, looking down at it as he blows the smoke out the side of his mouth.

"Chris and I got into it again. He told me they were coming to LA for a show over at KCON, and he was like 'maybe I can fly over to see you,' trying to fit it in, delaying his trip to Korea by like three days, which didn’t seem like a big deal. But then after everything ended, he was just hyper-aware of the attention on them and changed his mind," I begin to explain. Jake has taken a few hits during my story; he's leaning forward, passing me the joint again. I take it, hitting it.

"Did he say why?" he asks. Jake’s voice is low, even-toned. He’s invested in my story and the way I’m feeling, I can tell by the way his laser focus is on me as I speak. His eye contact is intense, fiery, the Aries in him.

"No, he didn’t, and that’s what frustrated me, so we got on a call tonight. He like—called me and was dancing around it, and I was like 'look, it’s not hard, are you coming to New York or not.' I was just... over it," I reply, pausing to take another hit before passing it to Jake once more. "He was all 'I want to, baby, but it's too risky.'” I mock his Aussie accent, and Jake can’t help the cough of smoke that comes out from trying to repress a laugh. He turns his head, full-on coughing a couple of times before he catches his breath again.

"Do you need water?" I ask, successfully holding back my own laugh. I don’t wait for his reply, instead, standing up and taking a few steps over to the mini-fridge and grabbing a bottle of spring water, handing it to him.

Plopping back down on the couch, I sigh. "So I didn’t even let him get the rest of it out. I was like 'ok, I’ll talk to you later' and like, hung up."

Jake places the burnt-out joint tip into the tray, effectively ending our puff-puff-pass session, making us both more relaxed and a little spacey. "Oof, y/n, this is... such a unique situation that very few people go through, and even fewer non-K-idols. I mean, I don’t agree with any of it, right? But it’s not me, and Chan, he’s in like–the peak of their career as a boy group, dude." Jake shakes his head, sitting back, my cat jumping from his lap, considering him having moved too much for his comfort.

"I don’t—care," I blurt.

Jake’s head drops back with a sigh before he picks it up again. "That’s probably part of the problem. Chan’s risking his career; Korea is no joke when it comes to this shit. I promise you, unless you’re physically in the industry as an idol over there, you have no idea. It’s so obsessive, and these companies, the management, they will not let you breathe, and the bigger you are—the tighter they hold onto you because there’s so much more to lose at that point."

He only leaves a half second of pause before he says, "I don’t think you’re compatible with—nor do you deserve, that kind of relationship with anyone."

Ouch.

It hurts that much more because—he’s right

"Now that doesn’t make Chan a bad person, or you a weak person. He’s got a right to this life he’s worked super hard to get to, and you’ve got a right to someone to love you the way you want to be loved, especially while you’re in the beginning stage of becoming great yourself. It’s a huge distraction—maybe not a relationship, but like, that kind of relationship."

I can do nothing but sigh, throwing my hands up and sitting back onto the couch, feeling, well, defeated. Can you blame me? It fucking sucks, the reality of it all that I was trying to avoid.

"Fuck," I finally say aloud.

Jake’s looking at me; I know he feels bad for breaking it down so plain, but he does it because he cares about me and wants the best for me, and I know that. ��You still do what you want; it’s your life. Whatever you two decide is what you two decide, but that’s just—my limited experience.”

I scoff with a roll of my eyes, “Limited experience. Yeah ok.”

He laughs.

We both understand the subtext of the brief exchange.

“He says we need to talk tomorrow, about us and ‘where this is going’,” I say with air quotes.

“I mean, hey, it’s an opportunity to get your concerns out there, listen to his, and decide what’s best for you. He’ll decide what’s best for him. If that’s being together, great, if not, great. Either way, you’ll be ok. That’s how I like to see these kinds of things.” Jake says, his words profound and his perspective valuable to me. He leans forward, “We’ve known each other like what? Almost a year now?” I nod to confirm, and he continues, “In that short period of time, I can just—tell that you’re a strong person; you wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t. If you ever need someone to talk to, my line is always open.”

I let another long breath go before laying across the sofa on my stomach, bringing myself closer to Jake as I lazily hug a pillow, resting my chin atop it. His advice is logged in my thoughts. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore—the way he phrased it did something to lower my anxiety so I was going to let sleeping dogs lie. “What about you, huh? What’s got you on the East Coast? You’re never over here, rarely in America anymore for real.”

“Yeah, I’ve been—busy, but it’s a blessing, you know? I’m so grateful that so many people support me, as a solo artist, doing my own thing, my way.” Jake never fails to acknowledge those around him that have supported him, and keeps himself grounded and humble somehow through being an international celebrity. “But I was at the Versace show over in Soho. I’ve got a couple of other shows to see for New York Fashion Week, but I touched down and had to come see you.”

I lift a brow. “I’m not gonna fuck you, Jake.”

Without hesitation, he fires back, “I’m not asking you to, y/n.”

It’s enough to drag a snort from me.

He laughs, “The hotels get lonely, and most places I go, I don’t know anyone. I like it here; you’ve done a lot since the last time I was here.” Jake looks around at the decor. He points to a painting of a cat skeleton on a black canvas. “That’s new, I like it.” He says.

“Yeah? I do too; it’s simple but it matches the vibe of the space, I found it by accident one day.”

When Jake says the hotels are lonely, I believe him. He often confides in me about how lonely his lifestyle can be and how it can drive him so crazy that he’ll call everyone through his phone until someone answers, and when that person hangs up, he’ll keep going. More often than not, he doesn’t have anyone to call, despite my insisting that I was an option. Some nights, when it gets really bad, he’ll have a tendency towards drinking, which is something I don’t like, and we’ve talked about ad nauseam. Of course, he’s always welcome in my safe spaces.

“So what’s new with the band? When you texted me the other day, you had like, tons of shit going on that you were freaking out about.” Jake cracks open the bottle of water, taking a gulp.

“I’m flying out to LA next week for a couple of events, but we’re like focused on album three right now; I’ve been locked in the studio just writing.”

“Ok, ok, you got anything for me to hear yet?” He seems to perk up to ask this question.

“Eh, nothing I’m ready to show or anything, just fragments of songs right now. The label is really pushing the work we did with album two to build the hype up for album three, and that’s the one they funded.” I kick my feet slowly in the air behind me as I talk.

“We should do a song together.” Jake says, quite suddenly. He can tell I’m taken aback. I mean, creatively, Jake and I get along great, but we had never discussed merging on a record before. “An official song, I think it could sound incredible.”

I immediately want to agree, of course, but I have a couple of hurdles I know I need to jump now that I’ve gotten to this point in my career. I hated that. I used to be able to agree to a collaboration immediately. But Jake had even more hoops to jump through; he couldn’t commit to something official now either.

So why was he proposing it?

“I gotta ask the label—”

“Fuck the label, dude.” Jake waves his hand, “They don’t have to know anything, not yet. We’ll just work together and see what happens. Whaddya say?”

It takes no thought for me to reply,

“Let’s do it.”

—

Jake wore me down enough to bring him down into the studio, insisting he didn't have anything important to do until tomorrow evening. I don't want to encourage his drinking, but when he spots the whiskey decanter, he gestures to it as I sit down in the main chair in front of the soundboard.

"What’s in there? Hennessy?" He answers his own question as I spin around in the chair to see what he’s talking about. He’s already over at the mini bar, opening it up and whiffing.

"Yeah, but I rarely drink it. I got it for guests." I turn towards my soundboard again, powering it up and waiting for the two large screens to load. I add another thought to the end of my sentence, albeit, to myself. Not like I have guests anyway.

Jake comes over with a glass, the brown liquor sloshing around as he tilts it in my direction. I roll my eyes, taking it, and he’s already got his glass, which he holds out for a toast.

"To the music," Jake says.

"The music." I oblige, clinking his glass and taking my gulp down a lot less gracefully than he does his, before he pours up another for himself. "Don’t overdo it; you’re gonna have a nasty hangover, and I won’t be the one to blame for it." I press a few buttons, and the house lights lower, back to the blue and purple hue I was sitting in earlier.

"I am a grown man that knows my limits." Jake states, matter-of-factly. He sits in the rolling chair at the table alongside me, pulling himself up to the soundboard and sitting back in his chair, sipping his drink as his eyes dance across the screens while I click around, pulling up my digital audio workstation of choice.

I point to the keyboard nearest to him, "Press a key for me?" He does, confirming it's connected and functional, the note ringing out through the monitors.

"Aw yeah." Jake sits up, setting his glass down on the designated cupholder space on the edge of the mixing table as he places both hands on the keys, beginning to fiddle with the limited random keys and chords he had learned how to play while being forced to learn as a trainee. "Damn, it’s been so long." He says, a half smile on his face. I can tell he’s reminiscing, I just can’t tell if it’s good or bad. "You’re so lucky to have control over your music, you know that?" He says, looking over at me before focusing back on the instrument again, slender fingers of his right hand climbing up the keys.

"I don’t really have total control, not anymore. Not sure I ever did." I say with a sigh. "It’s always been like—an Eli and me thing, not just a ‘me’ thing. I just get a little more attention because I’m the one out front, singing." I continue to explain. Jake’s stopped playing, instead choosing to lean in his chair and eye me over the top of his glass as he sips, listening to me with an empathetic nod. "Now with a major label involved, there are so many other factors now."

"You get the final say though, right?"

"Well, yeah, I guess I do." I say with uncertainty, not because it isn’t true, but because it still feels like the decisions I make have to be based on what everyone else thinks is best for us. If I vehemently object, I’m persuaded down to the decisions of others. Sometimes, it feels like I’m being gaslit. But I don’t have much time to ruminate on that, since everything is moving forward at top speed.

"Guess it’s complicated?" Jake concedes.

I nod.

"Girl, you got it," Jake croons in his gruff voice, eyes closed, fingers snapping to start a rhythm. "And I know it, baby, why don’t you?”

I nod, sliding him away from the keys as I hit some chords to match his singing. Unsure if it's a freestyle or something pre-written, I catch the composition unfolding. Music flows through me effortlessly—my natural talent that's brought me this far. It didn't happen overnight, but creating is the part of music that feels like pure joy, a distraction from all the BS.

Soon, we're vibing out a hook, laughing for hours, blending funk with '90s groove, a nostalgic fusion. My phone rings, freezing me in place. The weight of unresolved problems crashes over me. Jake senses it; I bolt before he protests. His eyes speak understanding; he knows when to let me deal with my demons. I answer the phone, attempting to steady my voice.

“Hello?”

“You answered.”

It’s Chris.

His voice is tired, ironic, as if he couldn’t believe it himself but didn’t care.

It irritates me. Why call back so soon if compromise isn't on the table?

“I just called to say, that I’ll be there in about four hours.”

A lump forms in my throat; I glance around for a clock. Holed up in the studio with Jake, time escaped me.

“But you said—“

‘First class, you are now welcome to pre-board flight 917 to Newark, First class, you are now welcome to pre-board flight 917 to Newark.’

“I gotta go, but I’ll see you in a few, yeah?”

“Y-yeah.”

The phone beeps, leaving me in stunned silence. The studio's muted song hums in the background. I'm not ready to face it yet, still figuring out what this sudden visit means.

“Said I wouldn’t do this.” I mutter, pressing my fists against my forehead, heaving a frustrated sigh. I vowed not to let another man stir my emotions, yet here I am—almost having a meltdown. But my feelings are valid. No explanation after a heated argument, and suddenly he's on his way here?

Maybe he got another perspective from the members or his friends. Maybe he thought about it. Either way, he'll be here in four hours. We can hash it out then.

I muster the calm to return to the studio. Jake sits back, his chair turning towards me. “Well?”

I plop onto the nearby sofa. “He’s boarding a flight here now, said he’ll be here in four hours.”

Jake’s brows lift in surprise. ��See? I told you…this was going to push you two in some direction it needed to go. Four hours? My man, okay BangChan!” Jake laughs, toasting with his glass. “So I added some drums, check it out.” He plays the track; the groove multiplies.

“You added that part too?” I notice another musical flair, and he nods proudly. After a few seconds, he turns it off, a slow fade of the volume knob.

“I think that’s enough for me to work with for now, what do you think?”

"The skeleton is definitely there, but what about more instruments?" I question. Jake pushes his chair back, picks up his hoodie, slipping it on as he stands up.

“It’s enough to write to; we can come back to it; if Chan’s on his way here, the last thing he needs is to see another guy here late night.” He slips on his shades, his phone reflected in them as he orders an Uber Black. I didn't think he cared like this, feeling closer to him; he did what he felt was best. I was freaking out about how to get him out in time, and Jake took the initiative.

A relieved sigh escapes me. “I owe you.”

“Absolutely nothing. You don’t owe me anything, sweetheart. I had a good time here tonight.” He tucks his phone in his jacket pocket. “Twelve minutes.”

I nod. “Follow me upstairs, I made some cookies yesterday; you can take some with you.”

“Ooh what kind?”

“Chocolate chip.”

“A classic.”

#bang chan #bangchan x reader #chan x reader #chan x you #bangchan smut #chan smut #skz fic #stray kids fic #kpop smut #chan x y/n #chris bang #skz smut #jackson wang #jackson wang x reader #jackson wang fanfic #idol fic #crossover

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avatarl0v3r · 1 year

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The Cave Na’vi Chapter II Inside The Caves| NeteyamxCave!Na’viReader

The Cave Na’vi series: all chapters

Summary: Neteyam and his siblings go with the reader into her home and meet more Cave Na’vi they tell them stories and the reason they are in hiding

Warnings: mild language, mentions of death, mentions of kidnapping

Clan song during celebration: Beautiful Creatures (besides the pop pop part, and yes i know the songs from Rio but this song for this series is about their connection with the animals around them and how there different with the ‘same kinds of hearts’)

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Tag list 🏷️: @lil-iva @spatterpus @ssc7514 @pearlrosegardener @ellielovesrobinarellano @mashiromochi @dakotali @itsnotme02 @btsiguess-kpop @laylasbunbunny @fanfics-welcome @jkiminpark @brookesbizzareadvendture @tinkerbelle05 @sully-stick-together @arminsgfloll @spqce-bun @never--mind @aonungs-tsahik @liyahsocorro @classicpinkfairie @nao-cchi @minkyungseokie

Neteyam brought his sisters and brother with him the next day without any context “Why are we going back to the waterfall Tey” Tuk said with a smile “You’ll see” which always made her excited because she knew it was a surprise.

Kiri was interested to because she’s never seen Neteyam in such a hurry. They finally made it to the waterfall “Uhh it’s just the waterfall from yesterday bro” Lo’ak said “Yea no shit” Lo’ak threw his arms up in defeat.

You were on your Thanator Lilo as you walked to the waterfall you seen Neteyam and some other people with him since Lilo was almost a full grown Thanator she was a lot bigger than you mean i my you could lean down onto her back and not be seen which is what you did you enjoyed scaring people sometimes and every clan but yours doesn’t celebrate them in song.

You leaned the upper part of your body down onto her back and told her where to go to the river that’s connected to the larger waterfall Lilo knew what the two of you were doing so she crept up to the people slowly and roared loudly Neteyam and his siblings all screamed scared of the creature “Bro come on we gotta leave this thing will kill us” Lo’ak said the fear of the Thanator in his every word Neteyam looked at the Thanator and realized it was yours and calmed down he laughed and petted the creature Lilo happily allowing it.

The three of them looked at their brother in disbelief “What the fuck- i- what- how!” you laughed causing all of them to look at where the voice came from, you sat up on Lilos back smiling Kiris and Lo’aks eyes widened seeing how you looked like a Cave Na’vi from their mothers stories.

Tuk was the first to speak “Your so pretty!” your smile grew larger “Thank you, i’m Y/n and this,” you look at Lilo and pet her “is Lilo my Thanator” Lo’ak looked in disbelief once again “You really ride those things with out a bond?” you nodded “I’ll explain later,” you looked at Neteyam “now follow me we’re having a celebration right now” you slide off Lilo and head towards the waterfall Kiri looked confused “Why are we going to the waterfall?” you looked back at her “You’ll see.”

You walked behind the waterfall and to a more hollowed out path “So what’s your name” you say speaking to all of them “This is Kiri, Lo’ak, and Tuk my brother and sisters” you nodded now knowing their names you stopped at a hole covered in vines the bioluminescent plants lights peaking threw the small openings, you moved the vines revealing a plant and vine covered path the path was mainly purple “come.”

All the siblings looked around mesmerized by all the plants around them “I’ve never seen anything like this” Kiri said with wonder in her voice “That’s good” she nodded knowing what the RDA would’ve possibly done if they found this place back when her father first came to Pandora Tuk looked at all the animals in the cave wondering what they were doing here but never vocalized it Thanator pups were running around playing with one another “Come this way” you said smiling from ear to ear that they like your home so far.

You started to get to the end of the glowing path and all the siblings were met with a bioluminescent mushroom forest, the mushrooms were a lot taller than Neteyam who stood at 8’2 while his brother stood at 7’7 they all looked around at the sight around them they’ve never seen anything like this let alone in their forest Lilo was still at your side walking in pride “Stay close you can get lost easily and never find your way out” you said while looking at the four of them.

The walk through the forest was a long one they stayed close, soon you turned off the path Lo’ak noticed this “Don’t we got that way” he said pointing to the path that still went on you shook your head “No it’s this way to the village," you laughed slightly "that's there to confuse people who try to come in uninvited" as you turned and kept walking "Makes sense to me" Lo'ak said as he continued to follow you.

—

Soon you reached a spot that was hidden somewhat far away from the mushrooms the ceiling was glowing almost as if glow worms were sticking to the top and showing you the way to your home “Almost there come.”

Soon the Sully kids eyes widened as they were welcomed with a beautiful sight, the ceilings still glowed, large trees connected to the cave ceilings, huts scarred all around them, bridges connected the trees so you could walk over, the little tree village was lit up by bioluminescent vines hanging off the branches, little plants, there were many Na’vi walking around, many animals running around some with people at their side, the leaves at the top of the trees were flowing along with the rest of the world surrounding them.

You turned to them “Welcome to Underwent village” as you walked through the village with your new friends people started at you seeing as you brought outsiders into Underwent but no one vocalized there shock seeing as you were the chiefs daughter and the next clan leader.

Kiri pulled Neteyam back by his shoulder “Dads gonna ground you for life if he finds out we’re here” Neteyam looked at his sister “Yeah, but it’ll be worth it right” he said with a smile as they then caught up with you and their younger siblings.

You walked farther and walked up a set of stairs to a larger tree that over looked the whole village as you all walked up they seen a Na’vi who looked like the Chief of the village.

You walked up to the man and put your fingers to your forehead and brought them down “Father i see you” he looked behind you “Who are these people Y/n?” Your father was soft spoken despite his physical body and looks “This Neteyam, Kiri, Lo’ak, and their little sister Tuk, the children of the Omaticaya Olo’eyktan.”

You father nodded “As close allies you are welcome here with open arms if that time comes, but as of now you are welcomed as friends my oldest daughter has wise judgement as like her mother, please stay for our celebration tonight” Neteyam looked confused “Celebration for what?” you smiled “A Thanator was born this morning, and we celebrate new life amongst our brothers and sisters so please, join us.”

—

Soon after you gave them a tour of Underwent you had to separate from the small group of friends and get ready for the festival you the Sully kids sat with your mother, father, your your brother Welp.

You and your bestfriend Ne’yah and a few other girl dancers were getting ready for the festival Ne’yah loved teasing you about certain things, certain things being a very dark blue young warrior from the Omaticaya clan "So why'd you bring outsiders here" you looked at her slightly confused "Who? Neteyam, if im honest i really dont have an answer i just went off my judgement" Ne'yah looked at you knowing your judgement has been good ever since you were kids.

You both were finished getting dressed you were wearing a top that connected around your neck and came down to the top of your chest and many light purple, light red, and dark red feathers coming down to adorned your chest, you wore a semi long light purple hip scarf with different colored beads coming down to add decoration. Ne’yah was wearing brown, black, and red crisscross cropped top with a fringe, and a loin cloth fringed skirt you both walked out of where you were and looked to see the animals and Na’vi crowding the fire waiting for the ‘Performance of New Life’.

—

Neteyam talked to your father about what the performance is for and he explained how this doesn’t happen very often anymore since the war and when it does a Thanator completed it’s cycle to give birth and it was successful “So it means they had a successful birth since the war started?” your father nodded and the young Na’vi “Yes.”

(i’m not going to add the song lyrics or anything just know the dancers plus y/n are dancing and singing)

The Na’vi were shushing one another signaling the start of the celebration the music started to play, using many foreign instruments the Siblings looked at eachother confused but left it alone shocked by how beautiful they sounded, they noticed the dancers were both male and female the watched intently at the scene in front of them eyes full of wonder.

Each dancer moved with his or her own grace, the girls who were the only ones singing at the moment their arms and hips moved with such grace as if they were dancing in the wind soon other Na’vi in the crowd joined in making calls, the Sullys looked at the leader in confusion and he joined in making calls too he smiled at them and he nodded his head as for them to join in which they gladly did, soon the calls stopped and the male dancers joined in saying “I’ve already told you about the Thanators birth” there dancing getting closer to the girls, then the girls did the same getting right next to the boys, then they all started to dance, Neteyam kept his eyes on one particular Na’vi dancing in the front you hips and arms moved with such grace matching the rhythm of the music that he’s never seen in his clan then the girls stopped dancing in the same position, one arm was above their head the other reaching across their stomachs in the same position and legs crossing with smiles on their faces the Na’vi cheered and clapped.

You changed and went to meet up with your family and friends for the celebration dinner, you were greeted with smiles, the animals joined in on the dinners with there families as they are Kiri asked the question all of them were wondering “Why are in hiding” Your father and mother looked at eachother wondering if they should tell them your mothers gaze hardened your father looked between the kids in front of them and her, she finally closed her eyes allowing him to tell them.

“The color of our skin they’ve taken and killed to many of our kind from the tribe to sell for our skin colors because it’s very different from yours, ours is white with a light blue pattern and at night it glows a pale blue and the dots scattered around our bodies so the same when they got my children Y/n and her brother Welp and said they could sell them for a lot of money I changed everything we moved and stayed hidden only coming to help fight and disappearing Y/n cannot be taken she is the next Tsahìk and Olo’eyktan, while her brother is the next head warrior, that is the reason we have been hidden for years” Neteyam and Lo’ak looked in shock at the man in front of them Kiri on the other hand looked disgusted that the humans would even do that.

“Shall we continue eating” your father said with a smile the rest of the night was filled with laughter, talking, and joy.

—

Soon it was time for Neteyam and his siblings to get home because it was almost eclipse you showed them the way out and before leaving the cave Tuk ran to you and hugged you to which you hugged back “Thank you for the food and dancing” you laughed “You’re welcome, please feel free to come back anytime” Lo’ak, Neteyam, and Kiri smiled and waved at you and started to head home.

Kiri was the first to speak “If dad finds out about this we’re all gonna be grounded for life” Neteyam shook his head as they kept walking, it was already eclipse when they were halfway home the forest glowing around them “Oh we are so dead” Lo’ak said as he noticed the forest glowing.

They stopped walking hearing large wings flapping from above the trees “Where the hell have you been at” They all froze at the sound of the voice and turned around “Hey dad” they all said together meeting their fathers hardened gaze.

#avatar #avatar x reader #jake sully #avatar way of water #pandora #neteyam x reader #lo’ak #kiri sully #tuk sully #neteyam #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n

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xsaiya · 6 months

Text

"everything's alright."

-tags: comforting! obanai x vitiligo! insecure! reader, angst fluff (mostly angst), hugs, re-assurance, suicidal thoughts (reader), mentions of sh, traumatizing flashback, reader has permanent scars on their face, platonic sanemi catches you trying to harm yourself, reader is known as the emotion hashira, daydreaming. (warning for triggers!)

-future work: uppermoon hc's + muzan (I PROMISE <3)

-plot: iguru had found you saying some bad shit abt yourself so he went to go talk with and comfort you. <3

-a/n: pls do not think bad abt yourself, or harm yourself. your perfect the way you are, there's no need to feel like shit abt yourself. <3 (pls do not steal my work as it is based on my own life)

-recommended song: cigarettes out the window - tv girl

life was hard, hard as fuck. you felt like everybody around your atmosphere hated you and wishes you'd just, well, die. thoughts ran through your head as you were balled up in a corner, grabbing fistful sizes of hair on the sides of your head, crying and sobbing, muttering bad shit abt yourself, like 'does he hate me? does he want me to die? should i even be alive right now?'. those thoughts ran through your head every single day and second, just no body noticed.

note being a hashira, that shit just adds another difficulty to your already fucked up life. your mind also had racing thoughts of your past, and what those bastards did.

(FLASHBACK STARTS NOW!)

huddled up in a corner while gripping the sides of your head, crying & trembling in fear as the tall, abusive figure stood right in front of you while kicking and hitting your already abused body. the man, also known as your dad, kept yelling things in your ears like 'your not my daughter! my daughter isn't a useless, annoying, ugly ass bitch!' as he continued to abuse you over and over again. and all you could do was tremble and cry in fear.

(FLASHBACK ENDS NOW!)

you just dug your head into your legs as you cried and cried, you had nobody, nobody at all, except for one person, the love of your life, obanai. he genuinely cared about you, checked to see if you were eating enough, drinking enough water, sleeping enough. all he did was worry & care abt you, which made you feel guilty, why did he care so much about you? aren't you supposed to be a worthless toy to throw around? not in his eyes.

but, from the corner of your eyes, you saw a blade, you just stared at it for continuous minutes and seconds before thoughts ran through your head. your heart told you 'don't do it, you'll regret it!' while your brain just said 'do it, fuck up your wrists, your worthless anyways.'

you reached out for the blade, grabbed it with a harsh grip, and pointed its sharp tip to your wrist while smiling and crying, still looking down. but before you could even think about doing such an act towards yourself, someone harshly grabbed your wrist, and threw the blade away from your intense grip.

"don't fucking do that shit." said sanemi, he was genuinely worried that you'd do such an act towards yourself if he didn't arrive in time.

"i-" you just stared at him, as if a staring contest occurred, but no, he was giving you that intense look of 'tell someone, talk to someone, get help.'

"you gotta get some help, yk what? i'm telling iguru, you need to get some help." those words replayed in your mind as if it were a track tape, you just sat on a couch near you, waiting for them to return, and they eventually did.

sanemi returned with a worried as fuck obanai. obanai rushed towards you, grabbed your wrist and inspected it thoroughly, asking questions, his anxiety boosted right through heaven's gates as he looked at you with a look of so much love & worry. this just made you cry, cried in appreciation & sadness, you actually for once felt like you could let it all loose around someone.

"hey, hey. it's alright, let it all out love," he hugged you so so tight

you sobbed and sobbed for hours and all he did was mutter sweet re-assurances in your ear as you berried your crying face into his welcoming shoulder.

"..everything's alright."

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hoffmannwrites · 1 year

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On My List

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 + 1 Masterlist

Author’s Note:

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

Description: 5 Times Steve and Eddie kiss as friends, and one time they don't.

Warnings/Tags: Everyone lives, Nobody dies, 5+1, Kissing, Fluff, Idiots to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, some pretty brief mentions for drinking, smoking, musical theater (yes, that gets it's own warning), uhhh they're gay your honor, no beta we die like Barb, let me know if I missed anything?

Suddenly, Seymour

By the time their 4th kiss rolls around, Steve is starting to think that maybe he hallucinated the whole fucking thing. Eddie hasn’t made a single move or mentioned any of the kisses at all to Steve since NYE. Even Robin had gone from “Oh my god, he’s totally into you” to “well, you know how Eddie is. He loves to cause chaos.” Eddie and Steve still see each other regularly, usually at least once a week on their own volition and a couple times in between while driving around the children. And in the almost month that had past, not once has Eddie even hinted at anything happening between them.

So, Steve did what he did best and pushed it all down and focused on anything else other than the metal head. This focus included helping Dustin audition for the school musical, Little Shop of Horrors. Steve didn’t know much about acting and his singing knowledge was limited to what he learned as a kid in church choir, but he was very good at critiquing Dustin. Steve even watched the movie with Rick Moranis and everything so he knew what was going on in the musical and how it should feel (and totally not because he thought Steve Martin looked kinda hot in the leather jacket with the motorcycle even if he was a piece of shit).

Dustin was auditioning for the lead, Seymour. Part of the audition was having to do a duet with someone auditioning for Audrey, and kissing her at the end of the song. Dustin was really good at every other thing he had to do for this role, but the idea of kissing someone random on stage in front of the whole town was really freaking him out. (Sure, cannibalism and murder was fine, but god forbid there was PDA). Of course, Steve became his personal director for this particular issue, as the ex-ladies man was very familiar with kissing practical strangers in public.

“Listen, you just gotta think about Suzie,” he advised.

“You want me to think about my girlfriend while kissing another girl?” Dustin questioned, looking at Steve like he has 5 heads.

“No that’s not what I-“, Steve started. He sat down on the couch next to the now Sophomore. “Look. This whole song is about realizing you’re in love, right? It’s about finally getting the girl. It’s about finally realizing that the person who’s been by your side this whole time, who’s had your back since day one, who’s never hurt you is the love of your life. And you’re finally ready to see that, to admit it,” Steve explains. “Not only are you falling in love with your best friend, but you have this feeling of-of hope. There’s a weight off your shoulders and everything just might work out in your favor. And that’s how you feel about Suzie, right? Like it’s all gonna be okay when you look at her?” Dustin nods in response and Steve continues. “So you gotta take all that- all that love and light and- and hope and put it into this song, and the kiss. It’s not about kissing someone on stage, it’s about making the audience feel that joy that your character is feeling.”

“Wow, Harrington. I didn’t know you were such a fuckin’ sap.” Eddie’s voice rings out from the doorframe of Dustin’s bedroom, scaring the ever living shit out of the other two boys. “Jesus Christ, Eddie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that,” Dustin scolds.

Eddie puts his hands up in defense “Sorry, sorry. Stevie was on a roll, there. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Yeah, he was. I just still don’t get how I’m supposed to kiss someone that I’m not into without it being weird or at least looking weird, ya know?” It’s Eddie’s turn to offer some advice, now.

“Oh, Dustybun, it’s way easier than it sounds. Isn’t that the whole point of acting? You do it every week at Hellfire, this is just like that. You’re woo-ing the fair maiden to get access to the castle and it’s armory. Except, instead of rolling a D20 and convincing me, it’s an audience that actually wants you to win.”

And Dustin thinks about that for a minute, because yeah he does have to “act” in Hellfire every week and there have been a few times where his character has had to flirt his way out of some sticky situations. But he still has his reservations. “If it’s so easy, why don’t you guys do it?” He says to his mentors, not wanting to admit they were right so easily.

“Fine,” Steve almost snaps before Eddie has the chance to make some sarcastic come back. The metal head looks over at Steve, a little wide-eyed, but before he can protest, Steve is talking again. “I’m no singer, but I’ll do my best. You know the song?” He asks Eddie.

“Uh, yeah kind of,” he croaks out, too caught off guard to really say anything else.

“Alright. We’ll start with the last chorus. You okay taking Audrey?” Eddie nods his head as Steve hands him a lyric sheet, still a little stunned at everything that’s happening. Man, he just came to pick up some Hellfire notes Dustin had for him. And now here he was, standing in Dustin’s bedroom, singing a fucking love song with Steve Harrington. Shit, he wasn’t even a soprano, he can’t hit these notes! Eddie clears his throat and starts singing, albeit taking it down an octave. Steve is right there with him, singing the back up vocals with surprising emotion. Holy shit, Harrington can sing. Holy shit, can Harrington act? There’s no time to really dwell on the revelation right now, because Eddie realizes he should probably be acting too. Only he doesn’t really have to act like he loves Steve because he does, oh god, he does. Has been since he watched that idiot jump into a lake that was also an inter-dimensional portal with zero hesitation.

So they’re singing to each other, standing face to face but far enough apart that it’s not, like, weird or anything. And then it is weird, it’s so so weird because they’re on the last bit of the song and Steve has moved in closer to Eddie and is looking at him like he did right after Eddie kissed him on New Years. By the third “sweet understanding”, Steve grabs both of Eddie’s hands and steps in really close now, so much that they’re singing the last line directly to each other, staring each other in the eyes. And when that last note wraps up, where there should be some orchestral music and applause from an auditorium filled with people, Steve moves his hands to around Eddie’s waist and kisses him like they do in all those sappy movies. Steve’s hand are everywhere and Eddie feels like he’s being completely held together by the younger man, like every piece of him will shatter the second he lets go. And they kiss, chaste and unmoving, waiting for the fake applause to die down and the stage lights to fade to black so the next scene can start. But they break apart and Steve turns to Dustin and raises his eyebrows looking for approval, like he didn’t just melt the metal heads brain.

“Woah.” Dustin is kind of flabbergasted by the display he just saw. “Why didn’t you guys do the plays in school? That was super convincing. Like, so good.”

Steve smiles, all teeth, beaming and proud. “Yeah, well, we were busy. With sports. And, uh,” he gestures vaguely to Eddie, “and drugs.” Eddie has regained enough brain function at this point to shrug in agreement with the last statement, but he’s wondering if Steve’s really that good of an actor or if there’s something else there. No, probably just wishful thinking. But as Dustin gets up to find the papers Eddie came for and Steve offers them both a rushed goodbye as he realizes he’s late for his shift, Eddie can’t help but remember that this is the fourth time Steve’s mouth has been on his.

A/N:

Idk shit about fuck about D&D. I've been trying to get someone to teach me or let me join them or anything and I simply cannot. If I am using the wrong die for this hypothetical situation in my fictional non-canon story about fictional people in a fantasy horror show, I'm sorry. This isn't Um, Actually, okay? I'm just guessing.

I also know nothing about the licensing process for school musicals, but the Little Shop movie came out in ‘86 and I love the idea of a fanatic drama teacher making it the musical. And Dustin would love it because it’s about a giant plant who eats people because it’s an alien. I also haven’t seen the full musical (not the movie, they’re different) since I was like 7 so please pardon me if they don’t actually kiss during Suddenly, Seymour.

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juliafied · 2 years

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Get to know you meme

Thanks for the recent tag @hexcore-juggler and many moons ago, @rakshadowand @johaeryslavellan!! Sorry I haven’t gotten around to it yet, but it looked like fun :)

Favorite colour: red, that really rich dark kind. I wear mostly blue though, strangely enough

Favorite food: I gotta go with a quality chirashi don. I love sushi rice, love raw fish, and trying all the different kinds in the same dish is great

Song stuck in your head: Blood by ANIMA! It was in the newest PhilosophyTube video and now I can’t stop listening to it

Last thing you googled: “sashimi don” because I couldn’t remember the word for chirashi, lol. Before that, it was the name of an undergrad we’re interviewing on Wednesday for my lab. I only did it because my other labmate who’s interviewing them with me had previously googled them and a PhD student had come up, so she was like, is this person even an undergrad? (I think the PhD who came up is a different person though)

Time: 4:31pm

Dream Trip: at the moment, it’s south of Italy (Naples, Positano, the Amalfi coast). We were gonna do it this summer but then we saw that a) the car rental price was exorbitant and b) driving in the south of Italy is insane. Maybe one day, though!

Last book you read: Circe by Madeline Miller, and I loved it! Perhaps not as much as TSOA, but it was still very good. I liked the extended (immortal) timeline it was written on. Definitely some lessons there for good pacing of a story, she did a great job.

Last book you enjoyed reading: Same as above!

Last book you hated reading: Hmm, it’s been quite awhile but I really didn’t like 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami. I read it a long time ago but I remember hating how damn long the thing was and how... idk, things just didn’t make sense to me. Not to mention all of the weird old man sex fantasies. Yeugh.

Favourite thing to cook/bake: I love making mango chicken curry, which I make very mild because I am a big baby about spice, but it’s just such a great comfort food, yum

Favourite craft to do in your spare time: gonna steal @hexcore-juggler‘s answer and say... writing, I guess? If that counts?

Most niche dislike: ok this might not be as niche as it is unusual but I really do not care for chocolate (at least as much as the rest of the world seems to LOVE it). Like, if I have a choice between literally any other flavour and chocolate (for a pastry, ice cream, whatever) I will probably never choose chocolate. Not to say I don’t like it at all, but it’s never my top choice as a flavour in general.

Opinion on circuses now and in history: I used to go to Cirque du Soleil every couple of years with my family and that shit slapped. I love seeing all of the cool edges of human possibility and stuff, especially all of the acrobats that look so beautiful and the ribbon arts and all of that. Historically though circuses kinda sucked so I’m glad we don’t have the kind that are horrible to animals as much anymore.

Do you have a sense of direction and if not what is the worst way you ever got lost: Yes! I am usually the navigator on vacation, and I can usually keep track of where the cardinal directions are even when exploring somewhere I’ve never been before. My family actually has a funny story about this, when I was around 4 or 5, so very soon after immigrating to Canada, me and my parents were going to a dinner party at one of our friends’ places in this apartment complex where quite a few Russian-speaking immigrants lived, a bit away from our house in the suburbs. As we were approaching the complex I started telling my parents, “They moved”, because my parents had told me that they moved from their previous place, and they were like “yes Julia we know they moved, don’t worry”. I remember getting more and more hysterical and borderline bursting into tears because they just weren’t understanding me, but all I could do to explain myself was shout that “They MOVED!”

We arrive at our “friends’” place, knock on the door, and lo and behold some stranger opens the door. At this point I’m just on the verge of losing it, lmao, because that’s what I was trying to tell them - they’d moved FROM the place we were going to, because I was recognizing the surroundings and the way there, and my parents both somehow had a collective brainfart of where they were supposed to be going (I think it was because our friends had moved to a different apartment complex that we were all familiar with due to an equally large presence of Russian-Canadians).

Apologies if you have already done this, but I’ll tag some friends that I perhaps don’t know as much about as I would like: @resplendentlytrite, @makkuromurasaki, @nerdierholler, @lua-sagittarius :)

#from then on my mom always got me to navigate on trips #julia talks #tag game

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spacetimewraithwrites-archive · 2 years

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Find the Word Tag Game

(tw: mild drug mention)

tagged by: @sleepyowlwrites!! my words: alright, okay, fine, good, cool, decent tagging: @sleepyowlwrites, @drabbleitout, @drippingmoon, @druidx, @ashen-crest, @zmwrites, anyone who wants to, and song mashups. honestly they’re the greatest invention known to man, and uhhh I will not be taking criticism on that your words: without, strike, mess, feeling, happy, follow

alright (Aurora)—

"Right." Thrive motioned to Warren once Sussa disappeared behind the doors. "Let's get you to bed, then."

"All you had to do was ask," Warren purred, wrapping an arm around Thrive's waist as they trekked to the corridor.

Dropping his arm across his shoulders, Thrive pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright...you win."

"And it feels so good," Warren quipped.

Thrive chuckled again, and it echoed throughout the otherwise empty building.

okay (Meridian)—

Scot's face seams lit up. "Does it have anything to do with Meridian?"

Ulliara looked at him. "...Yes. I think it does. With Orthrive'poliea's help—"

"He's gone right now." Warren turned his gaze down to the desk. "Voluntarily this time. We're...not quite sure where he is."

With a glance at Ilyarrio, Ulliara nodded. "Yes...he's safe. I can't tell you where he is, but he's safe. Unfortunately it may be best not to go looking for him."

Warren sighed. "Okay. He's gotta be with ———, then." He looked at Scot. "Guess it's you and me for a while."

fine (Rebirth)—

"'Kay, Thrive," Warren said as Emnophene handed him the keycard, "we're comin' in after you."

"Why would you do that," he said through the suits, his voice somewhat monotonous due to distraction. "...Why in the name of the Sky would you do that?"

"'Cause we love you, gorgeous," Guetry said, alighting his rifle before they started down the stairs.

Warren spotted Thrive standing all the way near the control room, holding a protective barrier around himself as he stared hard at them. Venevans shot at him to no effect and clubs bounced off his shield as if they were made of rubber.

"You're going to get yourselves killed," Thrive said.

"We've got armor," Warren said, jumping the last couple of stairs. "And you'll revive us if the frequency makes us drooling idiots, right?" He threw himself head-first into the fray, cracking the butt of his rifle over a venevan's face. "Go do your thing, babe, we'll be fine!"

good (Eternal)—

"What's the first step?"

Thrive sighed again. "We try to contact them. If they're there, they'll respond. If they're not, we'll either attempt to land on Tytiva or head to R'lis, where we'll receive hospitality and perhaps some answers."

Warren nodded. "Right."

"Are you going to need sleep?"

"I just slept in our bathroom for forty-eight hours straight, dude, I'm good."

cool (Rebirth)—

When the song ended, [Skywaste] barreled straight into another, rolling over the thundering beat from the previous one. Warren grabbed a drink that wasn't c'osus but had a stronger effect than usual, and it took the lights going fuzzy around the edges for him to remember that he had several alien substances coursing through his system.

"Oh, shit," he said. "This stuff's cool."

"What stuff?" Varussa asked next to him.

Warren looked at her, swaying slightly on the spot. He remembered the twins being with him since Guetry had to go onstage but he sure acted like he didn't. "What?" he said at length.

A layer of silver metal caught the light beneath the irises of Varussa's eyes. That was really cool. When she smiled, her teeth looked like empty white voids.

decent (Aurora)—

"Beautiful," Lisus said. "Look at that! That is stunning!"

Warren stood from the bench and walked to the window. The sweat on Thrive's forehead began to dry up, and the drop of water increased in size. The glow, while not nearly as bright as he'd seen before, followed his eyes as he seemed to see every water molecule he needed to see in the air in front of him. Soon the ball of water reached the size of his entire palm, and the glow went away.

Thrive levitated it in the air between himself and Lisus. "...Decent."

"Decent," Lisus echoed, almost scandalized. "That was amazing! Watching your eyes when you work like that is just...fascinating."

Thrive eyed the water in the air and brought it back down to his level. "I wonder if I could…" He raised both hands around it and moved them inward, gradually tightening the space between his skin and the water, shrinking it down, until bubbles started to form within. They grew in number until the water was boiling, and even then Thrive didn't stop, hands trembling only slightly with the effort, until he was able to clasp his hands around it completely. Then, he released his hands and an explosion of steam burst from him with a loud pop, filling the room with hot, muggy mist.

Lisus waved a hand in front of him to disperse some of the steam. "Brilliant!"

#tag game #Find the Word #Warren: hey do your thing Thrive we got this! *is shot literally a paragraph later*

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mitchpell · 2 years

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Songs for the Muse - Ask Game

Songs can be a great way to inspire the muse. I know of authors who write whilst listening to specific playlists. Gif creators who use lyrics to enhance their sets. Not to mention the numerous amazing fan videos that are also music videos

So, I’m asking you to share at least 5 songs that you’ve either created a work from, plan to create a work from, or hope to create a work from. Tag 5 more people when you’re done!

Tagging: @momentofmemory @scribeoffate @sees-writes @cassiesinsanity @spikeface

All five of mine fall into the “Hope to Create a Work From” category. Hopefully someday.

Knives of New Orleans by Eric Church - MCU Clintasha - This song is PERFECT for the tropic “the shot I never took”/Clint makes a different call fic. The lyrics tell the story of a guy on the run because of something he did for a woman with hazel eyes and auburn hair. “I did what I did, I have no regrets, when you cross the line, you get what you get.”

Holdin’ My Own by Eric Church - MCU - Clint/Laura - Every time I listen to this song, I think of Clint and his attempts to retire. The lyrics tell the story of a guy who’s been around and is now ready to just be with his family. “With one arm around my baby and one one arm around my boys. A heart that’s still pretty crazy, and a head that got sick of the noise. If the world comes knocking, tell ‘em I’m not home. I’m finally holdin’ my own.”

Man’s Gotta Do by Kip Moore - Teen Wolf Scott - While the lyrics don’t fit Scott’s situation perfectly, they mirror his circumstances. The song tells the story of a boy who’s been forced into adulthood too quickly, which is exactly what has happened to Scott. “Sometimes the ride don’t go as you planned. No matter how hard you try, it’s outta your hands. And sometimes life shows up, long before you want it to. And sometimes a boy’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

Hello by Adele - MCU Clint & Barney - I don’t know why, but every time I hear this song, I think of Clint and Barney. Usually, it brings to mind Barney reaching out to Clint to try and apologize for all the shit that happened when they were kids. “I must’ve called a thousand times to tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. But when I call, you never seem to be home. Hello from the outside. At least, I can say that I’ve tried to tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart. But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore.”

Hell of a View by Eric Church - MCU Clint/Laura - This song just makes me think of young and wild, Pre-SHIELD Clint/Laura. Again, the story the lyrics tell doesn’t fit them perfectly, but the vibe is completely them. “This ain’t for everybody. Toes hanging off the ledge, like we’ve got nothing to lose. Ain’t always heaven, baby. This livin’ on the edge. You holdin’ me holdin’ you, it’s a hell of a view.”

#ask game #song lyrics #fanfic #music inspiration #mcu #clint barton #laura barton #natasha romanoff #teen wolf #scott mccall

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rachymarie · 1 month

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BEST. ALARM. TONE. EVER (I think, I need to put it through some decent use yet)

One of the tactics I mentioned in previous post is to set alarms throughout the day to check in that I am on task/on track with the day's to do list and goals (and not rambling on the internet/Extremely Online - guilty as charged 😅🚔) Rambling is all well and good sometimes (and may help one get things off their chest), but a girl needs to also be able to Get Things Done now and then

This was suggested to me by my current HIP* and at first I was like (in my head) "psh, as if that'll do anything. I'll just ignore it like my brain has apparently learnt to do with all my other alarms 🤡" - but then I realized it for the genius it is, because it doesn't have to be the same alarm tone as my usual meds alarms (I don't really use morning wake up alarms bc I wake up every morning before 5am anyway) and nap wake-up alarms.

Also can i just say i am loving this new thing I've started doing just today of using the heck out of asterisk notes?? Though with how I coded my blog throughout the years I'm not sure if tags are even visible outside of the dashboard

This song works great for me cos it's just so straight up in a funny way. If I have any kind of energy to spare I kind wanna roast myself for not getting my shit done lol. Until nap/zombie time cos then Shit definitely Ain't Gettin' Done (life on antipsychotics amirite fellow neurodivergents/psychotics)

And with that it's meds breakfast time please excuse me

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txlovesong · 3 years

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Clueless

❃ུ۪ best friends-to-lovers !

❊ pairing: choi beomgyu x reader, mentions of stray kids’ lee minho

✧ word count: 2.9 k

❀ genre: angst, fluff.

✼ warning: cursing.

☆ a/n: please please please listen to Youth by Dasutt with headphones while reading! it’s one of Beomgyu’s recommendations and honestly what inspired me to write this… the ambience and feel of the song, it just reminds me of him so much, it makes me wanna cry… if hugging him was a song, I think it would be this. also this is my first work, i hope someone likes it :’

“seriously,” y/n laughed at beomgyu, his back turned to her, resting on the side of his bed. the sound of swift clicks on a plastic controller filled the room. she moved from her position cuddling ddubi to laying stomach down on the soft covers, crawling closer to him, before she slapped the back of his head, “you’re so stupid.”

“ha” beomgyu huffed, his tongue sticking out from his mouth in concentration. “try it yourself then.” he swung around, stretching out his arm to hand her the controller. she smiled at his cute face. he looked so adorable sitting there, in a white tee and grey sweatpants, looking up at her with big eyes and a mischievous grin. at that moment she wanted nothing more than to sit down beside him and wrap him up in her arms. maybe give him a kiss or two.

no.

no, no, no.

y/n mentally slapped herself for once again drifting away into her imagination.

beomgyu was her best friend.

and it had to remain that way.

beomgyu noticed how her smile dropped as she looked at him, seemingly deep in thought. he was about to ask her what was up with her abrupt silence until the sound of her phone interrupted him. y/n pulled it out of her pocket, seeing it was a message from minho. “shit” she whispered to herself. she had lost track of time.

she put her hand on beomgyu’s choco ball-like head, ruffling his hair. “sorry, no can do.” she said in a sing-song voice, lifting herself from the bed. “i gotta go-”

“you’re leaving?”

y/n’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden increase in volume of his voice and the accusatory character of it. she sighed, starting to pack up her things, “i told you i couldn’t hang out for long. i had plans with minho and the others today, you know.” beomgyu didn’t answer. instead, he returned his attention to the video game in front of him, a pout on his lips. “you told me you didn’t wanna come,” she tried coaxing him into saying something, anything.

still, no answer.

y/n let out a breathless laugh, shaking her head at his childishness, “fine, whatever. i’ll see you at school.”

she went for the door, but before leaving she looked back at him. was he really not even going to say goodbye?

she felt her heart twist, tears burning at the back of her eyes.

he always did this.

ever since beomgyu got busy with promotions their friendship had gotten more complicated. before, they essentially had the same schedule and would always see each other between practice and at school. now, every time they hung out was when he was free, and y/n was usually the one to adjust her schedule. it was easier like that. and y/n understood that. she had no problem with it. all she cared about was being able to see him whenever she could. he was the most important person in her life. they had been through so much together, always by each other’s side. that’s why she pushed her feelings aside. she couldn’t afford to lose him.

she loved him too much.

what he didn’t seem to understand however was that, naturally, the less time they spent together, the more time she would spend with others. and at first, beomgyu seemed happy for her, gladly tagging along the times that he could. but lately, he had started to act cold every time minho was brought up.

y/n wasn’t stupid. she could tell that minho liked her, and although she wasn’t interested in him, she thought it was nice to distract herself from her feelings for beomgyu. maybe she could finally try to like someone else. and who was beomgyu to mess that up? who was he to stop her from moving on? even if he had no idea that that was what she was trying to do. why was he mad that she was dating anyway? he was being so selfish, trying to keep her to himself.

it didn’t make any sense.

she slammed the door to beomgyu’s room shut, swiftly leaving the dorm, startling yeonjun and soobin who were sitting on the sofa.

“was that y/n?” yeonjun asked, looking at soobin in confusion. soobin looked equally as perplexed, standing up to go knock on beomgyu’s door before opening it. he was met with the sight of beomgyu slouched on the edge of his bed, head in hands. soobin smiled softly, feeling sorry for his friend.

“you guys fought again?” he asked, sitting down beside him.

beomgyu hummed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “she went to see him again-”

“you can’t be mad at her” soobin cut him off, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. they had had this conversation so many times. “she doesn’t even know, beomgyu” he said calmly. they sat in silence for a while until soobin spoke up again.

“you gotta tell her someday. either that or let her go.”

“i know.” beomgyu sighed. he knew he was being unreasonable. overtime his feelings for y/n had only grown stronger, getting impossible to hide. he no longer had the energy to pretend to be unbothered when she would see other people, to smile and say he was happy for her. but at the same time, he was terrified of her ever finding out how he truly felt. he was scared of her getting too close, afraid of her getting to know the most intimate parts of who he was, only to find out he wasn’t someone worth keeping around.

a loser.

so he kept quiet.

deep down, he was ashamed of himself for not telling her the truth. for not explaining his irrational behaviour. for trying to keep her to himself.

she was too good for him anyway.

y/n was on her way to pick up beomgyu for their weekly trip to the convenience store to stack up on snacks for their movie night.

well, ‘weekly’.

due to promotions and preparations, it had been over a month since they last properly hung out, only briefly seeing each other at the company, on facetime or whenever any one of them had enough energy to go over to the other late at night after schedules ended. thankfully they didn’t live too far apart.

just as y/n was about to knock the door opened. “how did you know i was-”

she didn’t even get to finish her sentence before beomgyu tackled her in a hug.

“i missed you” he mumbled into her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. y/n felt her cheeks heat up at the affection, yet she sighed and gave into his embrace.

“me too.”

after a couple of seconds, a slight panic took over beomgyu and he let go. did he hug her for too long? had he overstepped any boundaries? searching their surroundings for something to change the topic, he took the umbrella she was holding from her hands. “i’ll carry this” he said, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling proudly.

“wah, what a gentleman!” y/n giggled, hiding her disappointment over the hug ending so soon.

“well, i have to hold it so you don’t poke me in the eye like last time, tiny” he snickered. she punched him in the arm at that and he let out a small yelp, rubbing the point of impact.

“you’re tiny.”

beomgyu ignored her, a satisfied smirk still on his lips. “let’s go.”

once they got back from the store they kicked off their shoes and y/n hurried to the living room. “alright, i’m choosing the movie!”

beomgyu groaned defeatedly, dragging his feet behind her and setting down the bags full of snacks. y/n laughed at his upset expression. “aw, come on, gyu” she said, poking his dimples. he couldn’t fight the smile that crept up.

but the moment was cut short as kai suddenly emerged from the kitchen.

“y/n! hey, bestie!”

“kai!”

y/n gave the younger boy a hug and beomgyu sat down on the sofa, crossing his arms and pretending to be upset, “she’s my bestie” he muttered. y/n only rolled her eyes at him, proceeding to catch up with kai while beomgyu scrolled through netflix. somewhere along the line soobin also joined in, plopping down next to beomgyu who didn’t pay much attention to their conversation, until a certain name popped up.

“oh, right! how are things with minho?” kai exclaimed.

y/n tensed up at the question.

soobin gave kai a stern look. the latter brought a hand up to his mouth, realizing that he had spoken without considering who was in the room. beomgyu looked up from the tv, his eyes focusing on y/n in curiosity.

“uhm, well… sadly it didn’t work out,” she said, trying hard to seem unfazed. “not too long after we graduated it kind of just... ran out in the sand.”

although happy and relieved that it had ended, beomgyu felt his stomach drop at the word ‘sadly’. no matter what, it hurt him to hear her talk about her feelings for someone else.

and he couldn’t control his reaction.

“he was a bit too old for you anyway, don’t you think?”

his voice was laced with jealousy, not showing an ounce of sympathy for her. however, upon seeing her face fall, he immediately regretted opening his mouth.

but it was too late. it didn’t matter now. he had already said it.

he knew he was hurting her, but she was hurting him.

why wouldn’t she choose him?

y/n felt that familiar feeling spread through her body. the same one she felt that evening six months ago right as she was about to leave beomgyu’s room to meet up with minho. a feeling of hopelessness. of not being able to reach him. of not understanding why he was acting the way he was.

a feeling of being treated unfairly by the person you love.

but she ignored the pressure behind her eyes, staring back at him, “why do you even care?”

soobin and kai looked at each other, sensing the situation were about to escalate.

beomgyu shrugged his shoulders, “i’m just saying, i never liked him.”

y/n let out a laugh in disbelief, “you didn’t even try to get to know him? you met him, what, two times?”

“enough times to see that wasn’t going anywhere. seriously. what did you think you were gonna get out of that?” the words were bitter on his tongue.

“you’re unbelievable” y/n finally said before stomping to the door. soobin stared at beomgyu, opening his eyes wide and nodding his head in the direction y/n went, silently telling him to go after her. he could see right through his front.

beomgyu looked absolutely terrified.

soobin knew what he was thinking just by looking at him. that he felt like he was truly about to lose y/n this time. like everything he’d ever said and done was catching up to him.

beomgyu eventually scrambled off of the couch, his fuzzy socks almost causing him to slip on the smooth floor. y/n had only managed to put on her untied converse, yet at the sight of beomgyu running into the hall, she thought she’d rather just go without the rest of her stuff than spend another second with him.

but he was too fast for her. right as she was about to grab the handle he took hold of her arm.

“y/n, i’m sorry, i didn’t-”

“no, beomgyu. you know what? i don’t understand you.” she said, turning around to face him. though as soon as she did, she knew it had been a mistake not to break loose from his grip and leave.

he was so close.

his long, silky hair, perfectly framing his face. his pretty, pouty lips and those deep, sparkly eyes that always seemed to draw her in.

everything came crashing down.

at that moment, she didn’t care if he didn’t feel the same, she didn’t care if it would ruin their friendship, she didn’t care if he didn’t want to hear it.

she just wanted him to shut up.

“how can you not see it? i love you. so much.” y/n frowned, adrenaline rushing through her veins. frustrated that he had driven so far that she confessed.

but for beomgyu, time stopped.

his grip on her arm loosened, staring at her with wide eyes and open mouth.

his head felt empty yet at the same time, a million thoughts were racing his mind.

“i love you more than anything!” y/n exhaled, shaking her head slightly, “you’re all i want. and i know it’s stupid! so why do you have to-” she trailed off, her voice getting quieter as she felt the tears coming, realizing the gravity of what she had just told him, how it would affect their relationship. she swallowed thickly, sniffling before raising her voice in anger and hurt, “why do you have to trash on every guy i meet? is this what you wanted? there! i ruined everything. so leave me alone, beomgyu.” as soon as she felt the first tear spill over she quickly dried it with her sleeve, not wanting him to see her cry. not wanting him to know how much she was hurting.

beomgyu didn’t move, and y/n grew anxious at the thought of his response. she didn’t want to hear what he had to say. she didn’t think she could take her heart breaking any more.

so before he could open his mouth, she turned around and quickly went out the door.

the sharp wind beat stubbornly against y/n, knocking off the hood of beomgyu’s oversized hoodie from her head. it was blurry. the darkness of the oncoming night, the cold autumn rain, falling heavily over her unsheltered body, hot tears dropping from her tired eyes. she didn’t know where she was going. all she knew was she needed to get away.

she had left beomgyu standing there, feeling dumb and guilty. her words echoing in his mind.

it wasn’t until soobin and kai both started calling his name that he got out of his daze.

“what are you doing? go after her!” soobin yelled as kai threw his shoes at him.

beomgyu just barely caught them, uttering a weak “y- yeah” as he clumsily put them on his feet and threw on a jacket.

he hadn’t even realized how long he had been standing there, and although he saw y/n leave, he hadn’t yet apprehended that she left.

embarrassed, he burst through the door, not bothering to close it. the cold air immediately bit into him, colouring the tips of his fingers pink, but he didn’t even notice. because it finally started setting in, warming him up from within-

she loved him back.

his heartbeat sped up, making his legs move faster. he thought he must’ve looked like a maniac to the people passing by, in his soaked black and white checkered pyjama pants, rushing down the street. in no time he reached the convenience store, marking the middle between their homes, and as he rounded the corner he saw a familiar figure dressed in grey.

y/n, who had eventually grown tired and slowed down, shivered with her arms enclosed around herself as she tried to walk as fast as her legs would let her, now regretting not bringing her umbrella.

“hey! are you crazy? you’ll get sick!”

beomgyu finally caught up to her, quickly pulling her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her in a warm hug. y/n gasped upon hearing his soft voice, but the moment he touched her, her body seemed to act by itself.

she hated it.

she hated the way she melted into him, feeling completely at home. she didn’t want to hear his voice full of pity as he told her it was okay, that they could still stay friends.

the thought made her cry even harder.

beomgyu shushed her, gently holding her face in the palms of his hands so she would look at him. drying her tears away with his thumbs, he felt his heart break at the sight of her puffy red nose and rosy cheeks.

“why would you run away after telling me all of that? you fucking idiot” his voice cracked as he smiled tenderly, his own eyes full of tears.

still not getting his point, y/n swallowed the lump in her throat. “i’m going home-” she said faintly, placing her hands on his chest to try and push away from him, but beomgyu wouldn’t let go.

“y/n,” he quickly interrupted her, heart fluttering while searching her eyes, finding it adorable that she still didn’t understand.

how clueless could a person get?

y/n lightly knit her brows together. why was he still holding her? why was he looking at her so intensely?

suddenly she found it hard to breathe, and as she gingerly opened her mouth to speak her voice came out as barely a whisper,

“what?”

beomgyu raised one of his trembling hands, brushing a strand of hair away from her face before slowly leaning in, closing his eyes and letting his soft lips finally meet hers.

“i love you, too.”

991 notes · View notes

cafedanslanuit · 3 years

Text

♡ — pairing: kazutora x reader

♡ — summary: after a long day at work, you want nothing but to spend a calm night with your boyfriend. however, you have no idea this is the night were all his demons finally get the best of him.

♡ — tags/warnings: female reader, angst, breakups, hurt feelings everywhere, mention on mental illnesses and nightmares, based on ben platt’s song ‘carefully’, mention of tora’s job in one of the future timelines.

♡ — a/n: i enjoyed writing kazutora so. damn. much. also, i’m quite proud of this one and the small details i added~ thank you @ofoceansandtombstones for being my lovely beta <3

♡ — masterlist

And all this time you've had a gentle way of holding me

So could you please release me that way too?

— “carefully” by Ben Platt

“It’s open, come in!”

The first thing Kazutora sees when he opens the door of your apartment is you, kneeling on the kitchen floor and picking up pieces of a broken baking dish. Red sauce has splattered everywhere and his mind betrays him for a second, imagining an accident far worse than what has truly happened. He blinks twice and starts to notice the small details that finally slow down the fast beating of his heart. There are pieces of chicken breasts next to the open oven door and what he thinks are sliced carrots next to your right knee.

You hiss when you pick up a piece of the shattered glass, the sharp end pinching your finger. Kazutora comes back to his senses, widening his eyes as he realizes he’s just been standing there.

“Hey, let me. You’ll cut yourself,” he warns, walking up to you. Grabbing both your hands, he eases you into your feet and then guides you to the living room. “I’ll take care of it,” he promises as he goes back to the kitchen and starts cleaning up the mess.

You let yourself fall on the sofa with a loud thud and let out an exasperated sigh.

“I just had the most awful day,” you whine, taking off your apron and leaving it on the arm of the sofa. “Work was hell, I got scolded by something that I didn’t do— like always, only this time my boss was all like: ‘You gotta be more careful, we wouldn’t want to lose such a valuable employee’. Like he was going to fire me over someone else’s mistake?!”

Your voice is getting louder by the minute and you take advantage of the fact Kazutora is in another room to keep the volume. You have been waiting the entire day to see him and vent about what a trainwreck you day had been. Just as always, he listens intently, the only noise coming from the kitchen being a soft scraping sound as he picks up everything and throws it to the trash.

“Then, I went to the store and of course they had run out of basil. Tell me, how does a store that big run out of basil?” you ask. There’s no answer from the kitchen so you continue. “I mean, yeah, I could have gone to another store but my feet were killing me. I’m just not meant to work in heels the entire day,” you sigh tiredly, swinging your feet.

You reposition yourself, now sitting cross-legged on the sofa. Putting your right hand on your left shoulder, you stretch your neck, feeling your sore muscles releasing a bit of tension with a small ‘pop’.

“I ended up preparing something entirely different than I had planned for dinner. I tried to let it go but just as I was going to put it in the oven, it slipped my hands and—”

“I think we should break up.”

Words die in your lips the moment you listen to your boyfriend speak. The silence becomes loud and abrasive as you struggle to understand what was happening. Why was Kazutora breaking up with you with such a small voice? What had triggered him to come to that conclusion? Why had he decided to bring it up now? You turn your head to the kitchen door and watch him slowly make his way towards you, doubtful steps as he takes a seat on the other side of the sofa, avoiding your eyes at all costs.

“What?” you ask, your voice hoarse. His lips form a tight line and you see him swallowing nervously.

“I’m not doing okay— haven’t been for a while. I— it’s been two years since I left prison and I still haven’t— I don’t— I don’t know what I’m doing,” he explains, looking down at his hands.

You nod slowly, trying to comprehend where he’s coming from. Turning your body towards him, you take a deep breath before speaking.

“It’s okay not to know,” you assure him in a soft voice. “Just… take it slow. One day at a time and then I’m sure you’ll—”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Kazutora confesses and you notice his voice wavering a little. “I— I keep having nightmares about— about that day and— and also about the motorcycle shop. Those two mix up and…” he takes one of his hands to the side of his head, his fingers grazing his temple. “And I’m hitting Baji in the head. And there’s so much blood— so, so much blood and—”

Leaning forward, you take his hands. They’re shaking and extremely cold and you rub your thumb over his knuckles, trying your best to soothe him.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now, Tora, you’re—”

Kazutora pulls his hands away hastily, leaving a tingling sensation on your palms.

“I can’t!” he says as he shakes his head. You spend a moment looking at your empty hands, never before having felt your boyfriend’s rejection. “I feel like I’m drowning and— You know what? I think relationships just aren’t for me,” he shrugs, his hands moving in exaggerated gestures. “That’s why I never cared for dating, never got myself involved in that kind of shit, not until—”

He finally looks at you and, fuck, you wish he didn’t. You’re not sure if you have the strength to deal with such hurtful discourse. You lick your lips and take yet another deep breath, deciding to ignore his hurtful remark.

“I’m… so sorry you’re feeling this way,” you say, slowing down your words, trying your best not to show how hurt you were. This isn’t him, you tell yourself. So no need for that tightness in your throat. “But you have to understand it’s not because of me. It’s because of everything that you’ve gone through and how hard it’s to deal with them. I don’t blame you, it is hard. But this… us,” you gesture to the both of you. “This is a good thing. Despite all the pain and hurt we’ve both been through, we—”

“Please, stop,” he says, raising his hand and pressing his eyelids together. “I can’t be with you anymore. That’s it, that’s all—”

“So you don’t love me anymore?” you counter. You scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. Kazutora’s eyes shoot open and you notice his pupils shaking in fear, like a deer caught in headlights.

“I love you,” he breathes out, and for a moment you see the boy you fell in love with in his amber eyes that are quickly filling with tears. “I do love you but it’s killing me. I feel like I’m dying,” he chokes out. He looks away from you once more and starts tugging at his fingers. “I’m rotting inside and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I just want it to stop. I want it to stop and— I don’t want you around when I’m like this. I want to figure out what the hell is happening and—”

“But if you love me and I love you then why—”

“I’m not happy with you!”

Kazutora widens his eyes, scared by his loud outburst. He parts his lips, silently muttering nonsense as he tries to come up with words that can make it better. You lower your head and he wants to punch himself over it. He doesn’t want to make you cry, not after everything you’ve done for him. Is he really going to be the person that hurt the one that made a home for him in her embrace? Is he going to hurt the only person that was brave enough to pick up the pieces of his shattered soul?

“I’m…” he babbles, in a soft voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

You snort. “No, you really did mean it, Tora.”

He can sense the hurt and sadness in your voice, even if now you’re the one that won’t look at him. He watches helplessly as you stand up and walk towards the living room window in complete silence. The apron you took off is still on the couch and the vast memories of all the times he embraced you while you were wearing it quickly fill his mind.

He wishes there was a way he could keep you. But no matter how much he wants to, he knows there really is no other way. He’s thought about this countless times. He has gone to work without getting proper sleep, stared at his blank tv screen for hours on end, trying to come up with a plan where he could keep you. Was staying with the person he loved the most too much to ask?

No matter in how many shades of light or with how much care he handled the memory of you, the only way he could spare you the greatest amount of pain was to leave you— even if he knew he’d end up shattering your heart as well.

Kazutora notices the way your fingers tightly close around the edge of the window, your knuckles turning white. He had come to terms that he’d lose you today, yet he never expected for it to be this way. It doesn’t matter, he tells himself. If hating him would mend your wounds faster, then he’d take it. Anything that would make the heartache he was causing you a little bit lighter. He knew you were the last person on Earth that deserved to go to bed carrying that much pain in her soul.

Looking out the window, you focus on a small girl walking her dog on the street. It’s a brown labrador and by the size of it, it’s barely a puppy. Rather than walk, it jumps on its four legs, his little head looking back at the girl every chance he has as he happily wags his tail. The pet shop Kazutora and Chifuyu work at immediately comes to mind. Would it be like this from now on? Small things eliciting memories of your days together without your consent and leaving a sour taste in your mouth?

You will need to find a new commute, you think, as you had been stopping by the pet shop on your way home for the past year. Is there another bus that you could take? As you try to remember the lines and their respective routes, you’re engulfed by the memory of the first time Kazutora dozed off with his head resting on your shoulder as you rode the bus together. You close your eyes and you can clearly see his peaceful expression and slightly parted lips as he slept, his fingers tightly intertwined with yours. His breathing is slow and his hands are cold and you wish you could go back, even for a minute and place a kiss on top of his head, since you wouldn’t be able to do so from now on.

Where exactly had you failed? You had just been complaining about your day when he dropped the bomb. Did you complain too much? Did you talk too much? Or was it you the one that was too much? You tried your best and supported him as much as you could but as it turns out, it hadn’t been enough. Good intentions were nothing but useless as you were now saying goodbye to the man you had loved the most.

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt Kazutora’s cold knuckles against your cheek, wiping your tears. You gasp, startled by his touch and take a couple steps back until your back hits the wall. It takes a few seconds for him to bring his hand now, unsure on what to do next.

He looks so scared and small— it fills your heart with frustration. Your whole body is screaming to take a step forward and comfort him, cradle him in your arms like so many times before, assure him he’s safe with you and that he doesn’t have to worry anymore. That, if you can still go home to each other at the end of a bad day, you can take anything life throws at you.

But that’s the thing. You’re not each other’s home anymore. You don’t get to bury your face in his neck and hum happily when his perfume reaches your nose. You don’t get to have him take a nap on your lap as you watch a series or feel his lips ghost against yours seconds before colliding in a kiss.

You hate it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking down at his feet. “Please, don’t cry.”

“You know what, Kazutora?” you say, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. You taste venom in your words, yet that doesn’t stop you. “If you’re not happy with me, then what are you doing here?”

He flinches at your words. Biting his inner cheek, he nods, still incapable of holding your gaze.

“Yeah, okay,” he mutters. “I’ll go. I really am sorry.”

Kazutora turns on his heel, walking towards the door. Maybe it’s the way you know he’s not coming back this time that makes your desperation afloat. You don’t want him to go and you also know you can’t make him stay. And even if somehow you could find a way to keep him by your side, it would be worthless.

He’s just not happy with you.

“Are you happy somewhere else, though?” you ask, your words leaving your mouth before your head has time to process them. He stumbles on his feet and stops. “Because if you just can’t manage to be happy, then it’s not on me.”

Kazutora doesn’t have to turn for you to know he’s second guessing himself. The next seconds feel like years as he just stands there, mid-way to the front door, thoughts so messy and loud you can almost hear them.

“That doesn’t matter,” he finally says with his back to you. He closes his fists and you see his shoulders rising and falling as he takes a deep breath. “This way you don’t have to deal with... with the mess I am and—”

“Oh, please, I knew what I was getting into when I started dating an ex-convict.”

The weight of your words fall onto you the moment they leave your mouth. You squeeze your eyes shut, muttering a curse. It takes no time for you to walk towards Kazutora, standing between him and the door.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tora, I didn’t— you know I didn’t mean it that way. Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you whimper, tears flowing free down your cheeks. Your wave your shaky hands, desperate to make your point across. “I just wanted to say I knew things would be difficult but I loved you— I love you and I—”

Kazutora shakes his head, a gentle yet sad smile on his face as he takes your hands in his. He holds them in front of his chest, squeezing them gently as they don’t stop trembling.

“Stop, it’s okay,” he assures you. “That’s what I am.”

“It’s not,” you protest. “I mean— yeah, but you’re more than that. You’re so much more than that. You’re caring, you’re noble— you’re so tender with the animals at your shop. You’re so sweet with me, always checking if I’ve eaten and offering to help me out if I have chores I need to do. You always come pick me up if I’m working late. You— you’re so fucking special to me.”

Kazutora’s lips form a tight line. “I wish I could see that,” he whispers.

“Then just— let me try. Let me try until you can look at yourself the way I do,” you almost beg. You let go of the hold he has on your hands to gently cradle his face. “I’ll do anything, but... don’t patronize me. I’m not a little girl. Whatever life throws at me, I’ve always been able to handle it. No— we’ll handle it. Together. Like it’s always been, you and me, I just— please, I don’t want you to go,” you cry. “We were going to be happy together, you were going to live with me and I’d give you half my drawers and half my closet and half… half everything. Please, don’t go. Don’t go, Tora.”

The sadness in his amber eyes only confirms what you’ve been fearing this whole time. You sob, your thumbs softly stroking his cheeks as you feel the world crumbling around you. This time, he doesn’t stop you, letting you cry as you hold his face, coming to terms with the fact he’s really leaving after all.

Your hands move to his hair, gently threading your fingers across his long, dark locks. Tracing the outline of his face, you push one of the dyed streaks away, only for it to fall back right where it was before. You can’t help the small smile that forms on your lips. He’s so pretty, you think, as the pads of your fingers gently caress his face. Your thumb grazes the space between his bottom lip and his chin and you dream of a world when he’s not saying goodbye, but rather falling asleep under your touch on your shared bed. You never knew loving someone as much as you loved him was possible-- yet the way your heart was crumbling in pieces was evidence of how much your soul was aching by being separated from the person it belonged to.

Sniffling, you rub your cheek against your shoulder to wipe your tears. You swallow before raising another question.

“Is this a… temporary thing? Or for good?” Your voice comes out in a whisper as you place down your hands on his shoulders.

“I don’t know,” he answers. He wants nothing more than to put his arms around your body like so many times before, but he’s aware that it will only make things more difficult. “But I don’t want to keep you waiting in vain. You should move on.”

Kazutora realizes how much he hates the idea as it leaves his lips. The idea of you starting over with someone else rots in his tongue. He doesn’t want you to hold anyone’s face the way you were just holding his. He wants to keep you all to himself, to go to endless visits to the grocery shop, to watch you fall asleep during movie night and then pretend you didn’t, to massage your hands as you tell him about his day.

But you don’t deserve the guck that’s forming inside his mind. He knows it’s only a matter of time before it comes out pouring and reaches you. And he’ll be damned if he lets himself ruin the one good thing he’s had in his life for many years. He promised to himself he wouldn’t let his ill state of mind touch his loved ones. Never again.

He watches you nod and feels his heart shattering, even if everything is going just the way he intended. You rub his shoulders and look into his eyes, a sad smile on the pretty lips he would never get to kiss again.

“Okay,” you sigh. “We’ll end this but… when you leave, never doubt how loved you were. No— how loved you are. I don’t know what is coming for either of us but… I do know a part of my heart will always belong to you, no matter who I hold hands with. I will always love you, Tora.”

Your words are enough to finally break him. Kazutora clutches your body tightly against him as he loudly sobs against your shoulder. You hold him, tears flowing free once again as you try and soothe the man you love, leaving small kisses on the side of his head and whispering soft reassurances that it’s okay. It’s not, you tell yourself. It’s never going to be okay. But it has to be.

Carefully, you move him back to the sofa, helping him sit down while he refuses to let go of his hold on your body. You lean on the back pillows, both your arms cradling him while he whimpers like a small child. Kazutora clutches the fabric of your sweater with desperation, wishing there was a way he could stay with you.

Why does he have to give up the person that had put a smile back on his face? He can’t quite remember a time when his stomach had hurt out of laughter before he ever met you. Or when he’d experienced such peace as the night he stayed at your apartment and got to see your sleeping face first thing in the morning. He’s never loved anyone as much as he loves you and, for all he knows, he may never love like this again.

But he could never risk tainting you. He would never be able to forgive himself.

Kazutora softly pulls away from your embrace. His eyes are blotchy and red and you’re sure yours look the same or even worse. His nose is red, like it always does when he cries. It’s endearing, you think. Everything about him, from his hair, to his eyes, his hands— you’ve come to love every part of Kazutora. And that’s exactly why it’s so hard to let him go.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says in a whisper, resting the side of his head on the back pillows of the sofa.

“Like what?” you ask, gently pushing his hair away from his face and behind his ear.

“Like I matter to you. Like I’m making a huge mistake.”

You take a deep breath. Imitating him, you rest your head on the back pillows as well, so you’re both facing each other.

“I don’t— I don’t fully understand what you’re going through,” you admit, your eyes locked on his. “But if you need to… get away, then you should. You’ve been nothing but loving to me. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, whether it’s with me or not. You deserve to fully experience all the beautiful things life has to offer.”

Silent tears fall from both your cheeks and his.

“I should be thankful I got to love you for this whole year. Because even if it ends this way… God, I loved you so much,” you sniffle, letting out a small laugh. “And I felt so loved. Isn’t that magical in itself? That we got to love each other at the same time?” you wonder with a sad smile.

Kazutora parts his lips, yet the doorbell interrupts him before he can even speak. You look at the front door, your eyebrows furrowing for a moment before you realize who’s probably there.

“Food’s here,” you say, wiping the tears from your face.

“Food?” Kazutora asks, confused.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Didn’t I tell you? The baking dish broke so I called that restaurant, the one with the burgers we like.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t really listening back then,” he admits with a pang of guilt. He sits up on the couch and turns his head at you. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

You sit up as well. “I ordered for the two of us. C’mon, stay for dinner. Let’s… remember us this way, okay? Without so many tears and sadness,” you offer, tilting your head towards him. “I even ordered your favourite one.”

Kazutora rubs his face with his sleeve, erasing the trail of the tears he just shed. Looking at you, he nods, drawing a small smile on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll get it.”

He only walks a few steps towards the door before he feels you tugging at the back of his shirt. Turning around, he notices you’re standing right behind him. Your eyes look up to him, biting your bottom lip and not even a ghost of the smile you previously offered him.

“Before that, uh— I want you to know I… I mean it,” you firmly say, taking in all his facial features, loving how they soften every time he looks at you. “I’ll always love you. No matter how many years go by or if I ever stop being in love with you— I’ll still love you.”

“I’ll always love you too,” he replies, taking your hand and squeezing it softly. “I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to.”

You finally let out a soft chuckle and squeeze his hand back. The doorbell rings again and you walk around Kazutora to get to it. This time, he’s the one that stops you, not letting go of the hold of your hand. Looking back at him, you notice the soft pout in his lips and how they softly tremble, looming more tears.

“It’s okay,” you assure him, and you know you’re saying it to yourself as well. “Who knows, we might get together again someday. Have our own Casablanca moment. We’ll always have the pet shop,” you joke, trying to fight back to tears that threaten to fill your eyes as well.

It’s Kazutora’s turn to chuckle, only this time he does it along with you. You let go of his hand only to hold his face tenderly, a soft smile as you look at the man you love. Standing on your tiptoes, you press your lips against the beauty mark under his right eye. You feel his hands setting on the small of your back and watch his smile widen when you fall back on your heels.

Locking your fingers with him once more, you open the door.

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokrev x reader #tr x reader #kazutora x reader #hanemiya kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya x reader #kazutora hanemiya #hanemiya kazutora #tokyo revengers #kazutora angst #tokyo revengers angst #kazutora x you #kazutora x y/n #hanemiya kazutora x you #hanemiya kazutora x y/n

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sunmoonandeddie · 3 years

Text

and he kissed me right here

pairing: modern!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 6,100

summary: I've always been sure that all I ever wanted was a glamorous life.

warnings: Cuss words, mentions of the Afghanistan war (Bucky is a veteran), angst, happy ending, cheesy romantic confessions, age gap

a/n: This is based on the song 'Stars and the Moon' from Songs for a New World! It's the first one shot in my musical series! This is written in first perspective, but there is no physical description or use of a name in this!

Twenty-Two

I sighed as I tossed a few more dirty plates into the dish window, wiping my brow. After a shitty dinner rush and an even shittier rush around two in the morning consisting only of drunk ass college kids looking for some sort of carb to suck up all the alcohol in their systems, I was ready to go the fuck home.

“Sweetheart, you head on home now,” the head chef insisted as he watched my head nod slightly as I tried my best to fight off sleep. “Ain’t nobody comin’ in before Melissa gets here. No point in you staying on your feet any longer.”

Louis was a godsend. At sixty-seven years old, you’d think he would rather be anywhere but a diner at almost four in the morning.

“Nah,” he had said when I’d asked him a few months after I’d first started. “My Ginny died a few years back, and since she’s been gone, I don’t really have the stomach to sit around that house all alone.” He had laughed, but there’d been a deep sorrow that had come over his deep brown eyes. “Kids are worried, but… Sleeping the day away is better than laying up at night staring at her side of the bed…”

“You sure, Lou?” I asked even as I headed for the back room where all the employees clocked in and kept their possessions in their own little cubbies. I did my checkout in view of the security camera, just like always. I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I stole anything.

Everyone who knew me knew that I wouldn’t, but I’d worked at two many places where the girls tried backstabbing each other and sabotaging everyone else to get them fired.

Though people were a lot nicer in Louisiana than any of the other places I’d lived.

Louis chuckled as he set a to-go box in the window, nodding towards it. “Mmhm. Long as Buck is getting you home safe.”

I gave him a joking eye roll as I took the to-go box gratefully, grinning at my name written in all caps with green Sharpie on top. “You know you don’t have to make me dinner every night.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, shooting me a look. “How else do I know you’re getting enough food in you, huh?” He pointed his rag at me. “Now you go ask him to get you home. Tell him I said he can clock out, and that he’s supposed to text me when he sees you safe inside. You better not say you’re gonna ask him again just to walk yourself home.” The old man shook his head as I headed for the back door, muttering to himself, “Damn girl thinks I’m gonna believe she’s feeding herself good enough when she’s risking her damn ass walking home alone.”

Despite the fact that I’d put off asking for Bucky Barnes’s service, I really did appreciate how fiercely Louis cared about me.

It had been a real long time since anyone had cared so much.

I hesitated at the back door of the diner, my hand resting against the cool metal.

What if he said no?

Granted, he most likely wouldn’t. But what if he said yes, and he secretly thought me some dumb little girl that couldn’t take care of herself?

What did I care if he thought that?

“I don’t care what he thinks of me,” I huffed as I straightened my shoulders, holding my chin a little higher.

“Stop talking to yourself and get going!”

I jumped in surprise, before shooting a glare in the direction of the kitchen. “Stop listening in on my private conversations!” I demanded before storming outside with new found vigor.

Only to freeze when Bucky looked up from where he was sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette.

God, he was handsome.

“You okay, doll face?” He asked, his New York accent a sharp contrast to the southern drawls you were used to.

“Um… Y-Yeah,” I said faintly, glancing back at the door that I’d come in from. “Um… L-Louis wants me to ask you… Can you walk me home? Or give me a ride? I don’t… I don’t know if you drive…”

“I do drive.”

“O-Oh. Okay. Great.”

“But I don’t have my car on me.”

I peered at him curiously. “Oh. Um… I can just walk by myself. I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna be a nuisance…”

He stood up, tossing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. “Don’t be ridiculous, darlin.’ Come on. I’ll walk you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he began to head for the street. “Besides… It’s a real nice night.”

“Oh…,” I said in surprise at how ready he was to be of service. “Okay. But only if you’re sure.”

A faint smile graced his lips as he glanced at the ground, letting out a faint chuckle that rumbled deep in his chest. “I’m sure, darlin.’ But you gotta lead the way.”

I was surprised by the rapid pitter patter of my heart beat as we walked side by side down the street, the chorus of ‘Yellow Brick Road’ getting stuck in my head on a loop.

Bucky was an enigma that I found myself wondering about more often than not, but I always ended up talking myself out of going there. After all, he was an older man. A much older man. At least fifteen years older than my own twenty-two years, or something along those lines, not that he looked it. The man looked like some kind of rugged Greek god. Like Hades if Hades was born in the eighties. His dog tags clinked together under his shirt as we walked, his metal prosthetic glinting in the moon.

“So how did you end up in NOLA?”

It took me a moment to even realize that he was talking to me, my heart skipping a beat and my face going hot in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

His bright blue eyes flickered over to look me over. “How’d you end up in New Orleans?”

“I actually don’t know,” I snorted, avoiding his eyes as I kicked at a few broken up pieces of asphalt. “I just… Picked a bus ticket and ended up in one of the Carolinas. Then I picked another bus ticket and ended up in Minnesota. And then I picked another, and another, and another, and then I actually just… ended up here.” The months I’d spent alone on those Greyhounds felt both so long ago and also like it was just yesterday. “The diner was the first place someone recommended for food that’s good but cheap, and as I was eating my mountain of cheese fries, I saw the flyer that said they were hiring. So here I am now…”

“Huh,” he said, his brows furrowed. “I didn’t take you for the type of person to run off on your own… riding buses all over the country…”

Head tilting to the side, I gave him a long look. “You didn’t? What kind of type did you peg me for?”

Bucky gave me a long look, a single brow raised as though silently telling me that I jumped to conclusions. “Just that jumping from place to place can take a lot outta someone,” he said slowly, his voice low and soothing. “Hell, if you were my girl—” He broke off as his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, his long hair falling in his face.

I swore my heart had stopped inside of my chest, and I swallowed thickly around the lump in my throat. “Oh?”

He rushed to try to correct his wording. “I-I just mean, a lady should be comfortable. And if I had a g-girl like you, well… You’d never want for anything,” he stammered, stumbling over his words like a flustered school boy. “Hell, I… I’d give you the stars and the moon…”

I was shocked into silence, staring up at him like he was the sun itself. “Bucky…”

“No, no, don’t say anything. I… I know that was a lot,” he insisted quietly, unable to meet your eyes as he stared up at the shitty apartment building you called home. “Hell, you probably don’t want a gross old man hitting on you.” His metal hand, glinting in the low light of the street lamp, reached up to brush against my cheek for just a moment before it quickly dropped. “Just let me walk you home each night so I can make sure you’re safe, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I breathed out, unable to take my eyes off of him as he took a few steps back.

There’s a somewhat playful smirk on his lips as he watched me stumble up the steps, continuously glancing back at him. “Goodnight, baby doll.”

“Goodnight,” I said, barely audible before I finally headed inside.

Bucky kept his word. He walked me home every night, and honestly, there wasn’t a moment that I wasn’t thinking about what he had said, about if I was his girl.

What if I was his girl?

But… with that meant I’d have to give up the life I’d dreamed for myself. I wanted luxury, to never worry about bills or where I was gonna get my next meal or if I could afford to buy the nice work shoes or if I could only get the cheap ones that would fall apart in three months and then I’d just be right back where I started.

I wanted the life that celebrities lived. Hell, I wanted to go to parties on the same yachts the Kardashian-Jenners did, even if I couldn’t fucking stand them.

And with Bucky… I wouldn’t have that.

“So why’d you go on the run anyway?” Bucky asked one night as we sat on the curb, eating ice cream in the Louisiana heat. “I know you told me how you got here, but you’ve never told me why.”

“You’ve never told me how you ended up here or why either,” I shot back, nudging his shoulder with my own.

Somehow the age difference seemed non-existent as we sat there. Honestly, I felt like we were just a bunch of dumb teenagers, shooting the shit and enjoying each other’s company.

Bucky took in a deep breath, his shoulders sinking in a way that made it look like he had all the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I was over in Afghanistan for a long time,” he admitted quietly. “When the war first started, I was 19. I had no idea where my life was going and I had no options except my dad’s mechanic shop. So I enlisted with my best friend, Steve. The one I told you about.”

It’s completely silent except for the sound of an occasional car horn off in the distance.

“Neither one of us knew what we were doing. We realized very quickly that we had no reason being over there, but… but there was nothing else,” he said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. The ice cream he was holding was melting in his trembling hands. “I didn’t know how to do anything else, so I stayed. Steve moved up in the ranks, but I stayed pretty low… I didn’t mind. Kinda liked being the older guy all those young kids could talk to, could rely on… Because they were just like me, getting into a fight that wasn’t theirs because they had nothing else.”

My heart was shattering inside my chest as I scooted a little closer, my knee knocking against his as I tried to give him some sort of silent comfort. He’d been through Hell and made it through.

Bucky let his head rest against mine, his eyes closing as he breathed in the scent of my perfume. “They eventually moved me to some kind of specialized team… Called us the Howling Commandos. I found out that Steve was heading it and he picked me to be part of it. That’s how I met Sam, because he was on some sort of similar team with the Air Force, except it was just him and his friend, Riley,” he continued, taking a bite of his chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. “I am proud to say that I didn’t kill a single person while I was over there. I just couldn’t. Hell, they’re people just like me, terrified and unsure of what’s going to happen.” His lips pressed against my forehead, letting it linger. “But then about five years ago, I was on a mission with the Commandos, Sam, and Riley, and… this bomb went off while we were playing a game of soccer. I wasn’t even in a fight. That thing took my arm and it took Riley.”

Tentatively, I let my fingers find his, holding his hand and squeezing reassuringly.

“Sam decided to come home with me.” There was a forlorn look in his eyes, as though he was right back at that game of pick-up soccer. “After losing Riley… he couldn’t find a reason to be over there. And then Steve decided to stay, and hell, he’s still over there, leading that fucking team…” Glassy baby blue eyes finally found mine, the both of us doing our best to not cry. “I couldn’t face my family for a long time, so Sam asked me to come stay in Louisiana with him and his family, and I haven’t left since.”

“Have you gone to see your family?” I asked slowly, almost like I was scared I’d frighten him if I spoke too loudly, like a wild animal. “Let them know where you are? That you’re safe?”

He turned to look at me, his baby blues shining. “You worried about me, baby doll?”

“I can’t help it,” I said honestly, unable to tear my eyes away. I hadn’t opened up to someone like that in so damn long. “I can’t help but worry about you.”

The way that I felt about Bucky absolutely terrified me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It snuck up on me, like a train coming around a bend.

I hated it.

“What do you want out of this life?” Bucky asked on one walk home, his arm linked in mine. He’d become so much more… tactile. If anyone took a moment to look at us, they’d think we were a couple on a romantic stroll.

Perhaps we were.

But I couldn’t help but grin as I looked up at the sky, taking in the warm air. “I wanna live like how the movie stars do… I want a big house on the beach and twenty cars and a yacht and… and…”

He looked at me long and hard. “And you never wanna have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, if you’re gonna have a place to sleep at night…”

For some reason, I’d felt a bolt of panic over whether or not he’d understand. Whether or not he’d think differently of me, but I should’ve known that he wouldn’t. Hell, he knew me better than anyone else.

“You understand,” I said quietly, my hand squeezing his bicep gratefully. “I want to live how the other half lives for once. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

A small smile graced his features as we shuffled along. “There isn’t. But… What about love?” He asked.

“Love?”

“Love.”

Love.

Could I even have love? Did I want it?

“I don’t know if there’s a lot of room for love in my plans,” I admitted after a long moment. “In my experience, love has always just been a lie. A word used to manipulate and eventually abuse.”

Letting out a snort, he let his fingers tickle down my tricep until his fingers intertwined with mine. “I’d show you it’s not… I’d show you what real love is,” he said. “I’d give you every part of me, give you all my strength to help you grow into who you wanna be, even if I don’t particularly care about being famous or rich…” He brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I’ll give you a love story, a life, that’s a million times better than any recycled Hollywood plot… I’ll give you the stars and the moon, if you would just let me.”

I hated the way that he made my heart beat faster, the way my breath hitched. “Jamie,” I breathed out quietly, the two of us having stopped in our tracks to just… take each other in. Live in each other’s presence for a moment. “I…”

“You want a big life… one a lot bigger than little old me,” he said simply, shrugging. His blue eyes were so honest, so loving. So warm. A warmth I hadn’t ever experienced before. “I know. But that doesn’t change that I’m in love with you. And if you ever change your mind…” Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, pressing it into my free hand. “This is where you can find me. I figure it’s time for me to go home.”

We’d come to a stop in front of my building, and I was shocked at how tight my chest felt. My eyes watered as I stared at him long and hard. “Jamie, please… I⏤”

“Don’t say it. It’s okay,” he insisted as he cupped my cheek, letting his thumb run over my skin as though he was memorizing it. “I just want you to be happy, darling. You got that?” His lips pressed to my forehead, letting it linger. “Go get that life you’ve been dreaming of.”

Twenty-Three

I left New Orleans the next day, grabbing a bus ticket after throwing all of my belongings into my old duffel bag. It was time to move on.

But God, did it hurt.

I didn’t stop crying for weeks, fighting the urge to go right back to Louisiana and tell Bucky to take it back, to get him to beg me to stay with him.

But what kind of life would that leave me with? Working in the diner day after day? Never getting anywhere?

But you’d have James, a voice inside my head reminded me snarkily.

Then again, he most likely wasn’t even in New Orleans anymore, if what he said was true when he gave me the business card of his father’s mechanic shop. Was he really planning on going home to New York City?

A few months later, and I’d worked my way all through the southwest to Santa Fe, where I met Pietro.

My heart was pounding as I pressed in the familiar numbers, having memorized them from the business card now soft and faded from how often I held it in my hands like a lifeline. “Come on… Pick up… Pick up…”

“Barnes Tires and Motors, this is George,” a man said in a gruff voice when he finally picked up. “How can I help you?”

“H-Hi, is James there? James Barnes? Bucky?” I stammered out, hands trembling so bad that the old payphone was almost rattling.

There was a pause, and then muffled talking away from the phone.

And then I heard it being picked up. “This is Bucky,” he said.

It felt like the wind had been knocked right out of my lungs. How had I gone so long without hearing his voice?

Breathing in sharply, I tried to figure out the words to say. But my throat was dry and it was like I’d suddenly forgotten the entire English language.

That was all that it took for Bucky to realize it was me. “Baby doll? Baby doll, is that you?” He asked quietly. “I…” He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “You don’t gotta say a thing, sweetheart… But just know that if you’re in trouble or you need help or… or anything at all, you better call me…” His voice wavered, as though he was fighting tears just like I was. “God, I miss you so much, baby doll. I love you.”

I love you, too.

I hung up before I could actually say the words. “God, I’m so fucking stupid,” I whispered as I leaned back against the wall of the gas station I’d found myself at, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

My dumb ass had decided to wander from the bus station, and I’d walked over a mile away. Unless I was staying in Santa Fe for a bit, I’d need to start making my way back.

“You okay?”

In my distress, I hadn’t even heard the rumbling of the motorcycle or noticed the handsome man making his way to me. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I said even as I wiped my nose with a pathetic sniffle.

He eyed me for a long moment, his eyes roaming over my figure. “You hungry? I know a great little place nearby. My treat.”

And well, I was never one to turn down free food.

Even if that ‘little place’ ended up being a food truck.

“You know, when you said it was a little place, I didn’t picture it having wheels,” I said teasingly, licking salsa off of my lower lip. “Though, it is the best food I’ve ever gotten from a food truck before.”

“Oh, come on. This is the best food of all time!” He laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I snorted, finishing off my flautas.

Pietro looked at me long and hard. “So, are you gonna tell me what the hell was going on to have a pretty girl like you all teary eyed?” He asked, his head tilting to the side.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Was this your plan all along?” I asked. Wiping my hands off on a napkin, I did everything I could to avoid his eyes. “Get me all fed and then question me?” But at the same time, the thought of being able to finally talk to someone about it was so appealing… After a long moment of hesitation, I finally gave in. “I fell in love with a man, and he let me go because he knew that I want a life he can’t give me,” I said. “And I was a bitch who didn’t even tell him I love him back when he said it to me.”

Pietro took in a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “Damn. You really are a stone cold bitch, aren’t you?”

“Hey!” I indignantly threw a chunk of tomato at him, glaring. “I just opened up my heart, you dickwad.”

“Dickwad?!” He said, blinking at me in shock. “No one’s ever called me a dickwad before.”

I raised a single eyebrow at him. “Maybe not to your face, but they definitely have.” He gave off the vibe of a fuckboy, of a really, really bad fuckboy.

“Well, since you’re running away from your feelings, how about you spend a week or two with me on the road?” He asked with a grin.

I couldn’t help but blink at him in shock. “What?” I let out a laugh, pulling one of my legs up to my chest. “Do you throw that line out to every girl you meet? Or am I just special?”

Pietro threw a chip at me, and I barely managed to dodge it. “No, I don’t. But… You remind me of me. Needing adventure. A life bigger than four walls and a fence.”

Instinctively, I wanted to snap back that sometimes, four walls and a fence could be an adventure, could be the biggest life there was, as Bucky’s face flashed across my mind.

But I couldn’t do that. Not when I wasn’t ready to face the truth myself.

“Come on, sweet cheeks,” he teased as his foot hooked around mine. “Just think of it. The open highway, a rhythm beneath your feet… Nights full of passion and days of adventure…” Pietro’s voice was deep and husky, as though he was trying to lure me in. “No strings… just warm summer rain soaking us to the bone before we find some cheap motel to huddle down in…”

Plastering on a smile, I stood up and brushed myself on. “Thanks, but… I’d rather be drinking champagne, and the quicker I get to LA, the sooner I will be.”

He let me go with a kiss on the cheek and his cell number pressed into my hand, with a promise to come and pick me up the second I rang.

And despite how sweet he was, how wild and funny and charismatic, there was only one man I wanted to call.

Twenty-Four

I sipped at my martini as I sat at the rooftop bar, absentmindedly watching the television that was mounted on the wall as people droned around me. I’d been in Los Angeles for a year, and I’d spent my time finding the best places to find a husband who could give me the life I dreamed of.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, it took connections to build a career, and the best way to get a foot in the door when nepotism was so rampant was by marrying someone in the industry.

My silk dress was the most expensive thing I owned, something I’d saved up for months for, had skipped meals for. And fuck, was it worth it. I could feel the stares, the lingering gazes on the little bit of thigh that was exposed by the slit in the dress.

I’d already turned away several men, able to tell just from their expensive watches and cheap suits and shoes.

It was amazing how all the up and coming finance bros thought they fit in with the truly big dogs.

“Well, hello, gorgeous.”

I turned to see who was speaking, my heart skipping a beat when I realized who I was speaking to.

The world famous (or infamous) director, Tony Stark.

“Hello, handsome,” I said smoothly, my lashes fluttering innocently as I took a sip of my horrible drink.

I fucking hated martinis. Always had.

But ordering a martini was more sophisticated than ordering a frozen strawberry margarita.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked as he motioned to the empty bar stool right next to me, even as he was already sitting down. “Let me buy your next round.”

“I can’t think of anything better,” I said, feeling as though my dream life was already in reach.

Twenty-Eight

“Tony, where are you taking me?” I laughed as I let my boyfriend lead me to the private dock at our Malibu mansion.

Well, his mansion. I just happened to also live there.

It had been a whirlwind of a year since I had met Tony, and he’d bought me that second round. He’d taken me all over the globe, anywhere my heart desired.

But I made sure to avoid New York City, though he never understood why. I would never tell him.

Not when I was so close to my dream. I could practically taste it.

“Come on, come on. I have a surprise for you,” he said, keeping his hands over my eyes. He was sure to keep me from tripping and busting my ass, thank god.

The ocean waves were so comforting as they hit the shore, a sound I’d gotten used to over the past year.

He finally brought me to a stop, quietly telling me to keep my eyes closed. “Okay,” he said finally. “Open them.”

My eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the bright light of the California sun. But I was more shocked by the sight of Tony on one knee in front of me, holding out a box with a sparkling diamond ring in it. “Tony?”

The ring was the size of a fucking meteor. It was easily the biggest ring I’d ever seen.

“You know, I never thought I’d meet someone like you,” he said quietly, his dark eyes shining. But his voice was steady. “Someone who understands me, who doesn’t expect me to change into someone I’m not. You accept me as I am, and that’s why I want to give you the world.” He couldn’t help but grin as he nodded to the right. “Starting with that yacht you’ve always dreamed of.”

I hadn’t even noticed that there were two yachts at his private docks instead of just the one. The new one had SS Princess emblazoned on the side, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh… Tony…”

“So, what do you say?” He asked, bringing my attention back to him. “Will you be my wife?”

“Yes.”

Thirty-Two

Swallowing nervously, I looked down at the business card in my hand for the millionth time, the stock paper soft from how often I’d looked at it in the past ten years.

Hell, just how often I’d looked at it in the past six should’ve made it fall apart by now. Not that I didn’t have it memorized.

I’d finally ended my marriage after being miserable for so long. I’d gotten my yacht, my fancy houses, my career, all the jewelry that I could dream of, and none of it made me happy. Tony and I… never grew. And I never dreamed. Every day was the same, and every day was torture as I realized that I didn’t have the one thing that actually mattered.

The garage in front of me was busy, music blasting and the sound of men shouting to each other as they worked.

Suddenly I felt absolutely ridiculous wearing a Chanel dress and Gucci heels, an Hermés bag on my arm.

BARNES TIRES AND MOTORS was lit up along the top of the shop in bright red letters, though the lights in the ‘r’ of ‘motors’ were out.

I felt like a fool. I had wanted the life I had so desperately that I gave up everything for it. I got the movie star life, my name on billboards and my face on magazines.

But it wasn’t ever enough.

My heels clicked against the blacktop as I slowly made my way towards the front area of the shop, bells clinging above my head to let them know someone was there.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” A man asked as he came around the corner.

He looked so much like Bucky, it punched the air straight from my lungs.

“H-Hi. I’m looking for James Barnes. Is he here?” I asked after a long moment of hesitation. There was no way that the man was Bucky, but I didn’t doubt he was related.

The man raised his brows, wiping his hands on a rag. “My son’s in the shop. I’ll take you to him.” His full head of hair was white, his thick facial hair matching. Even with all the wrinkles on his face, he was a handsome man. Holding open the door for me, he led me into the loud shop, some eighties rock song blasting over the speakers.

I couldn’t help but smile as ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ by Scorpions came on. It was one of Bucky’s favorites back when we worked in the diner together.

“BUCK! YOU GOT A VISITOR!” The man shouted, causing several people to look our way.

My cheeks felt hot as I avoided their gaze, hoping they wouldn’t recognize me. I didn’t want to be a famous movie star anymore, a celebrity that had to beg for scraps of privacy.

My mind went numb, my heart stopping inside my chest as he stepped around a gray Ford Escape another man was working on.

He was even more handsome than he was the last time I saw him.

“Can I help y—” He broke off, his blue eyes going wide when he realized that it was me. “Hi.”

All of a sudden, everything I’d planned to say flew out of my head. All of the eloquent words I’d strung together were gone. And I just proceeded to word vomit.

“Did you know that, uh, when you marry someone you’re not in love with, you won’t… you won’t grow into it?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Um… I married a man who could give me a life I thought I always wanted, and he just… sucked.” Eyes stinging, I fought back against tears. “And I thought that all I ever wanted was the life I have now, was the life movie stars and the Kardashians lived. But… But I hate it. I hated every second I was away from you.” I let out a weak laugh, unable to stop the tears. “I wanted to turn around the second I got on the bus in New Orleans, but my stupid stubborn ass didn’t. I should have. I should’ve gotten off and just run right back to you because I… I love you, James. I always have.”

The garage had gone almost deadly quiet, and my heart sank when I realized Bucky looked almost frozen in shock.

“I know that I shouldn’t have showed up like this,” I scrambled to say. “But I… I’ve been trying to get my divorce finalized for two years and I finally did, and I kept telling myself that once it was done, I’d never hold myself back from what I really want ever again. From who I want. If… If you want me.” My face felt like it was on fire, my hands shaking. I shook my head as I took a step backwards. “What am I thinking? There’s no way you’re not married. I… I’m so so—”

Before I could finish the word ‘sorry,’ Bucky had closed the distance between us, his hands cradling my face so gently. He held me like I was made of fine crystal as he kissed me. He kissed me like his life depended on it, like I was the one source of oxygen.

And I kissed him back just as fiercely. “I love you. I love you so much,” I breathed out in between kisses, unwilling to let him go as my Hermés bag fell into the dust and oil on the concrete below.

Bucky smiled into the kiss, his arm wrapping around my waist to keep me pressed to his chest. “I love you so much, darlin.’ God, I’ve missed you…” His nose nudged against mine as we finally broke for air, both of us breathing heavily.

My knees felt like Jell-O as I held onto him. His grip was the only reason I hadn’t fallen to the ground already.

“I’m sorry I was a dumb twenty-two year old,” I said, snorting as he stole another kiss.

“No… Don’t be sorry,” he insisted, his fingers massaging my scalp as our foreheads pressed together. It was like he was scared to stop touching me, like I would disappear at any second. “You were young… You had to go out and make your own mistakes… I’ve just been waiting for the day you were ready.”

All the years apart melted away and all that remained was the two of us, two souls so intertwined that there was no way to truly separate us.

Our lips were half molded together as I said, “I’m never leaving you again. I promise I swear on everything…”

My heart almost stopped inside my chest as I heard someone clearing their throat, looking to see Bucky’s father staring at us with his arms crossed over his chest. “M-Mr. Barnes, sir…”

He gave a crooked smile that was so reminiscent of Bucky that I couldn’t help but grin back. “The Mrs. will wanna know if you’re staying for dinner.”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked up at Bucky, toying with a strand of his hair. “That sounds perfect.”

Later that night, Bucky and I laid in his bed, a mess of bare limbs as his fingers ran up and down my back soothingly. “What do you want from this life, baby girl?” He asked absentmindedly.

Humming, I traced shapes on his bare chest, sometimes pressing a kiss to where his prosthetic met his shoulder, on the tender scar tissue. “You.”

A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, despite the already mischievous look on his face. “Really? Not even the stars and the moon?” He asked teasingly.

I knew he’d give it to me anyway, give me all that he could. But I was sure now that the only thing I wanted from this life was his love. “Not even the stars and the moon.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes reader insert

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lieblingbitte · 2 years

Text

karaoke w the bloomic LI's (+ onion + 2two)

pairing: bloomic boys headcanons, theres no reader character in this but U can Like... Imagine ur there prompt: hcs about doing karaoke with the boys! :D tags: headcanons, foul language, alcohol mention(s), no pronouns or gender-specific language, fluff!!!, not proofread bc this was very stream of consciousness in my notes app

enjoy!!!! :DDD

XYX song: Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

only sings funnyman songs

eg: all star, country roads, the pokemon intro...

does NOT take it seriously AT ALL

the first song he sings is a rickroll (obviously)

but annoyingly is not a bad singer

(because he's good at everything apparently...)

(he goofs around but his voice really suits those like frank sinatra, johnny cash esque songs...)

enjoys himself A Lot he likes listening and making fun of everyone's song choices

has the most fun singing together w everyone! (you did wannabe by the spice girls one time and he swears those were the best three minutes of his life)

NAKED TOASTER

song: Dancing Queen - Abba

VERY shy about it

doesn't wanna sing at all at first but xyx forces encourages him to (and he has a bit to drink)

when he does end up singing he picks very classic karaoke songs so everyone can sing along!!!

(their face is FLUSHED afterwards but they did have fun)

not a bad singer per se but they struggle w melody and tone and stuff

(+ he doesn't sing seriously because he Is Embarrassed)

also the type to forget the lyrics (even if they're on the screen right in front of them)

prefers listening to the others sing and provide backup vocals/instrumental

the guy with the maracas/tambourine

NIGHTOWL

song: Gotta Go My Own Way - High School Musical

the Musical Theatre guy... Or like really trashy 2000s pop

sings duets by himself.......

the one that suggested you all do this LOL

hes suuuuper high energy.. hes having so much fun

his neighbours ring his doorbell like Seven times and ask him to Shut Up

(he does not)

bad singer and he owns it

(his charisma makes up for it)

puts on a whole performance, jumping around, using a hairbrush for a microphone and shit

QUEST

song: Take On Me - A-ha

this guy.. he sings old songs.... like queen maybe billy joel stuff like that

probably the best singer out of all of them .. but he doesn't take the compliment

loooves karaoke.. loves suggesting songs you all do loves listening.. Hes just a karaoke guy

he needs a couple of drinks to get out of his shell fully but then hes unstoppable

hypes everyone up SO much full on cheering and shit

likes singing romantic duets... ;-)

in general, he does like Ten Minute Long ballads but no one minds because hes a good singer... and hot guy privilege

ONIONTHIEF

song: Mr Brightside - The Killers

does NOT want to sing

but nightowl picked a song and now he HAS to.. tch

(embarrassed but he is a good singer... and hes probably cocky abt it...)

"Ugh, can I go now." when the song is done (doesn't go.) (doesn't want to go)

probably judging everyone's song choices ("Pff, nightowl. Britney Spears? Really?")

he literally listens to Like mcr and shit in secret But OK!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

("Their lyrics are poetic." OK emo boy.)

does end up having a little fun Maybe but hes being all tsundere abt it -__-

TWO2

song: I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry

the music guy

not a singer but his mum probably made him go to choir or something so he can hold a tune

another hype man! loves singing with his friends! and loves telling them that!

picks songs from every category probably, like he will sing the beatles and avril lavigne right after

has fun no matter what... likes singing by himself, listening to the other, singing together.. he is just a little guy

knows Literally every song ever... I feel like he has super broad tastes

notes: had thoughts. me and friends did a little discord karaoke thing recently and i was like yeah this is cool but what if Blooming Panic LOve Interets. loads of thoughts abt the li's tastes in music btw send me an ask and i will talk about it more ;-)

#bloomic #blooming panic #nightowl #two2 #quest #xyx #nakedtoaster #onionthief #x reader #x you #x y/n #reader insert #headcanons #hcs #karaoke #toasty #onion

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yee-fxcking-haw · 3 years

Note

Could I please request a fluffy scenario where keigo warms the reader up with cuddles, like the reader got caught in the rain on their walk back home and it’s winter so when they get home they’re freezing and keigo warms them up by cuddling them🥺please

•Hold Me Close•

Summary: Just what the request says, and then it turned into a song fic lmao.

Pairing: Keigo Takami(Hawks) x Reader

Warnings: This is nothing but cheese. Mentions of panic, Hawks is super protective.

A/N: This request made me absolutely m e l t and then I turned into a hallmark headass halfway through and made it as cheesey as possible. Thank you for the request! I hope you like it!!💜

Word Count: 2,466

Inspired by this song: La Vie En Rose

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You trudge down the sidewalk, snowflakes biting at your cheeks. There's nothing soft or romantic about the snow that's falling, it's all harsh and icey. The wind beats against your body, causing you to lean forward in order to keep forward momentum.

Not in an angry way, in a protective way, he would lose his shit if he saw you now. You're soaked by the snow, sniffling red nose and a quivering jaw. You make your way home with your head down and your body trembling, but by the time you're there you can't feel your fingers, even with them tucked into the heat of your armpits.

You open the door as silently as you can, knowing Keigo must be sleeping. You got off work so very late though, he might not have been able to rest. He worries too much, he's probably called a dozen times, he's more than likely up pacing like he does when he over thinks.

Though, when you enter your apartment, it's dead silent. No nervous wreck to be seen, the furniture is all in order, and the bedroom door is wide open with all the lights on.

He's not even here.

You shuffle into the kitchen and notice there's a kettle of water boiling on the stove top. This strikes you as incredibly strange, Keigo is always too mindful to leave things going like that, much too aware of the danger.

Then you see your feather, placed on the small table against the wall. Keigo gave it to you very early on. At first you hated the idea of being tracked, but he insisted it wasn't for spying. It was there to keep you safe, he was there to keep you safe.

With trembling hands, you pick up the soft scarlett gift and press it into your chest.

Come home. You think, with an ache in your soul. You know he can't pick up words, but he can pick up feelings. You feel the feather shiver in your fingers before pressing against your chest, almost like it wants to shred the fabric of your shirt and bury itself in your skin.

You stand there for a moment, clinging to the hint of Keigo you have.

Then you hear a heavy thump behind you.

Thank God.

The familiar sound of Keigo landing on the balcony falls on your ears and fills your chest with relief. You turn around just as he comes tumbling through the sliding door.

He's a jumble of crimsons and golds, all mixing and flashing off each other as he barrels towards you, slamming the door behind him as he does.

"Kei, I'm sorry, my phone died and I-"

"Why didn't you wait?" He asks with a harsh tone, shucking off his gloves so he can press his warm palms to your cheeks.

"God, kid, you're an icicle." His pupils are simple black lines dividing seas of amber.

"You're clothes are fucking soaked." His hands rip your sweater off as feathers shoot out of his wings and fly to the bedroom.

"Kei, please calm down, I'm ok-"

"You will be, I just gotta get you warm. Why didn't you borrow somebody's phone? Why didn't you just stay put? You could have-"

"Keigo!" Now it's your turn to grab his face, his hands halt their mission of removing your damp clothes as he freezes before you.

He searches your face wildly, lips twitching as they hold back the hundreds of "could have's" he wants to yell at you for.

"Birdie, I'm fine, look at me, I'm ok." You smooth your thumbs over his rosey cheeks, wiping off melted snow flakes as you do.

"I'm a little cold, yeah, but I am ok." You stress the last three words, making them slow and clear.

His pupils relax the slightest bit, making him look a tad less wild, just a tad.

He gets like this over small things, paper cuts and cherry sized bruises. He hates it when you're even slightly unwell. You can't get him off of you when you're sick, which is all sweet and endearing. Until he panics.

He's so dedicated to keeping you safe and well, that when there's even a hint that you might be anything less than that, he goes into a full fit. You've had to talk him down on several occasions, shake him, slap him even, just to get him to focus and know that you are ok.

His feathers return with a woosh, depositing a pair of his sweats and large sweater into his hands.

"You're ok." He mumbles as he grabs the bottom of your shirt and hoists it off of you.

He doesn't say it to you, he says it to himself.

You let him remove your freezing clothes, and you let him replace them with the warmth of the new ones. Heat seeps through your limbs and your shivering stills.

He continues to mumble to himself that you're ok, that you're safe. As soon as you're fully changed, clothed to his standards, he grabs you urgently and pulls you against his chest. Your arms settle around his torso as he folds his wings around the two of you.

You see nothing but scarlet as he creates a strange sort of tent around the both of you, holding you against him like they're a second pair of arms. You know why, it's so warm inside them, so safe.

He kisses the top of your head, letting out the massive breath he's been holding.

"Next time, you wait for me, inside somewhere." He says, voice rumbling against you through his chest.

"Kei, I'm fine, I can wa-"

"Dove…" It's a warning, firm and authoritative.

"You'll wait for me." He says, finality in his tone.

"I'll wait for you." You resign, knowing it's a losing battle.

Before any other words are shared, he hoists you by the waist, picking you up so you'll wrap your legs around his hips. He keeps you caged by his wings, but you can see his face now. His features are all pinched together, lines of worry etched into every handsome plane.

He settles on the couch with you straddling his lap, his hands slide down your arms to gather your frozen fingers. He sandwiches them between his own, bringing the tangle of appendages to his mouth so he can blow hot air onto them.

He peers at you above your knuckles, and your chest squeezes. Now, slightly settled and very close, you see how bloodshot they are.

"You worry too much, Birdie." You sigh, scooting closer to him.

He closes his eyes and breathes in before kissing your hands earnestly.

"I'm allowed to." He mutters.

You share a moment of comforting silence, both ok, both with each other.

When his eyes open again his pupils are nearly normal, nearly sane looking again.

You pull your hands away from his, only to cradle his beautiful face in your palms. He melts into the touch, chest deflating as he eases into the feeling of having you close again.

"I was about to rip the damn city apart. I tried work first, then the coffee shop you like, then you weren't there and I-"

"Kei, I'm ok." You repeat, interrupting him when you feel his hands grab your legs a little too hard, seeing his chest rise and fall a little too rapidly.

"I will wait for you next time, I'll borrow a phone, I'll stay inside. I promise." You smooth your hands into his wild mane, playing with the glittery tresses as you soothe him with your words.

He sinks back down, body less alert, senses working less urgently.

"Please, Angel, please…" His voice is so quiet, so scared.

You don't answer, you just nod and let him pull you forward. Collapsing onto his chest, thankful for his heat, for his protection. You stay like that for a long while, just holding. You coo words of reassurance to him, feeling his body unwind, pretending to ignore the tears he presses into your neck as he clings to you with selfish hands.

"Can we stay in tomorrow?" He asks quietly, lips still pressed to the top of your head.

He shifts his wings to the sides, letting the real world back in slightly.

"Of course." You nod against his chest before pulling back to look down at him again.

"I'm sorry." You breathe, genuinely regretting the worry you've caused him.

"Dove, don't be, you can't help when I slip into mission mode." He sighs, looking at you with almost guilty eyes.

Mission mode had become his politically correct term for panicking. Keigo doesn't panic, he can't panic. He just gets tunnel vision, he gets protective, he goes into mission mode.

You nod and hum, sliding your hands up his chest, noticing how damp his clothes are.

"Can I make us some tea while you change?" You play with his collar while you talk, thumbing at the remaining snowflakes.

"That sounds nice." He agrees, sending feathers off to get himself some clothing.

You should have known he wouldn't go change. He won't leave you for a little while, he'll tag along behind you, holding your sleeve, playing with your hair, just staying close.

And he does, after you slide off his lap to help him redress as he helped you. He ruffles his wings once he's dressed in his black t-shirt with matching joggers. Water flies off the feathers in every direction, successfully dampening several pieces of furniture.

"You're supposed to do that outside." You say with a chuckle in your voice. It's charming, getting after him like he's just shaken an umbrella over the rug.

He huffs as he follows you into the kitchen, bringing one wing around so he can pick at the feathers.

"I'm not goin' back out there." He smooths his hands over his plumage, seemingly content with the order of them.

He does the same with the other wing, settling in the edge of the table. He brings his legs up and sits crisscrossed on the tabletop, immediately causing a warm familiar glow to spread through your body.

If Keigo can help it, he'll forsake a chair and find a place to sit up high. He hates it when you tell him he's perching, so you don't. You just admire him in silence, heart going gooey over his avian tendencies.

"I know, 'perching.'" He rolls his eyes, catching your staring as you place tea bags in two separate mugs.

Green tea for you, chamomile for him.

"I wasn't gonna say it." You smile fondly as you pour the hot water over the bags.

He rolls his shoulders back, wings twitching and flicking as they settle behind him. He sends a single feather off so it can flick on the little stereo on the counter. It fills the kitchen romantic sounding waltz music, like something two lovers would dance to in the twenties.

"Didn't have to." He hops off the table, strolling up behind you before snaking his hands around your waist.

"Honey?" You ask, placing the kettle back down.

"Yes, dear?" He says in a mocking, sing-songy tone.

You roll your eyes and nudge his rib with your elbow. "I meant in your tea, dumbass."

He chuckles and pulls you back into him so he can bury his nose in the crook of your neck. He presses some sweet, gentle kisses into your skin.

"I got all the honey I need right here." He sways the two of you gently, humming as the music changes to a familiar song. You roll your eyes internally at his dumb one liner, swooning reluctantly when he kisses the sensitive spot under your ear.

"You like this song, don't you?" He continues his humming and swaying as you recognize the tune.

La Vie En Rose, it's cheesy, but you do indeed love it. The version is pretty too, just acoustic guitar and a soft sounding woman caressing the lyrics with her voice.

"When you kiss me, heaven sighs..." He sings softly, spinning you in his arms. His hands find their home on your waist as yours loop around his neck. You smile up at him as he beams down at you, still singing with his calming voice.

"...When you press me to your heart…" A hand slides around to press against your lower back, bringing your torso's together tightly.

"...I'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom…" His voice really is pretty, it shocked you when you first heard him sing, but only briefly. After all, it only makes sense that a bird would sing.

You spend the next few lines mesmerized, letting him serenade you as you start to sway and turn around the softly lit kitchen, mostly illuminated by the caramel glow coming from the street lights outside.

"Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be…" Your swaying slows as you both still slightly, each of you enraptured in the other, you're captured by his golden gaze, unable to move or think or breathe.

He leans in then, slowly, almost with the caution of a first kiss. He presses his lips against yours so carefully, so thoughtfully. It's slow and sweet and soft, it feels so safe. Here in his arms, being kissed so tenderly, so intentionally.

When you break apart, you don't move apart. You stay there, foreheads pressed together, the gentle swaying returns to your bodies. You both just stand there and cherish the beauty of it, the marvelous feeling of being so thoroughly known and loved.

"Thank you, Birdie." You whisper, looking up at him through your lashes.

"What for, angel?" One of his hands comes up to hold your face.

"For loving me like this, for keeping me safe." You answer, leaning into his touch before kissing his palm.

He damn near shivers as he watches you adore him, as he feels you need him.

"You'll never know how precious you are…" He sighs out, bringing you in to hold you against his chest, still swaying ever so gently.

"I'll keep you safe. Until I can't breathe and then beyond the grave. I'll keep you safe."

It doesn't have to be possible, it doesn't have to be feasible, it just needs to be said. It needs to be felt, between the two of you, dancing in your kitchen like two people that have loved each other for a lifetime.

Next time you'll wait for him, you'll stay inside, you'll borrow a phone...

#hawks #hawks x you #hawks fluff #hawks comfort #keigo takami #keigo headcanons #hawks headcanons #mha hawks #my hero comfort #my hero fluff #my hero academia #my hero hawks #keigo fluff

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