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#SHE'S TOO PRETTY OKAY
plasticsandwich · 9 months
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3gremlins · 1 month
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me watching the new fallout series: idk about this ghoul, i think they tried to make him too good looking of a monster, idk if it's working for me
*they show a flashback of this character pre-ghoul* also me: oh no he's much hotter as a ghoul, his pretty ghoul face is growing on me -pause in realization, turn to my partner- omg i'm such a monster fucker i'm so sorry
my partner, sitting next to me: i made my peace with this long ago...
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butterflysonnets · 4 months
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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harbingersglory · 4 months
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Hello, could I have transfem Signora x fem!reader smut? Any scenario is fine, just need dom Signora railing me 😩
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{☆} characters la signora {☆} notes drabble, fem reader, sub reader, dom la signora, transfem la signora {☆} warnings 18+ content, restraints, temperature play, face fucking, degradation, pet play
There's a moment of silence that lingers for far too long, the cold nipping at your exposed skin until you feel shivers wrack your body. You squirm instinctively, seeking out the fading warmth of the thick furs laid out beneath you, yet finding nothing but the cold that chills you to your bones. You can't even see, your eyes covered by black fabric, silk tying your arms together behind your back.
It's almost torturous waiting like this. Your knees sink further into the fur as you lean your weight forward slightly, exhaling a shaky breath. You begin to wonder if Signora left you there– maybe you'd annoyed her earlier and she was punishing you. You hoped not. She wasn't known for being lenient when it came to punishments.
But the brush of her fingers along your jawline squashed that fear, your breath hitching as her thumb glided over your throat, the heat of her skin making you shudder. The contrast of the cold room, of your freezing body, to the unnatural heat that simmers beneath her skin is immense– your knees would have definitely buckled if you hadn't been kneeling already.
"Did you think I'd left you here all alone? You're shaking like a dog." The soft, biting lilt was nothing more than a murmur, but for you it was impossible not to hear the pleased tone beneath the roughness of her voice. Your heart leaps into your throat when her fingers trace back up along your jawline, lifting your head and tilting it back just enough to be uncomfortable.
You open your mouth to speak, but your words are silenced by her thumb slipping past your lips instead– you don't fight back, even though the sudden intrusion catches you off guard enough you almost bite her finger instead. You almost consider doing it anyway, but she's so rarely in a good mood it feels rude to spoil it.
"Pets don't speak until they're told," She chides, pressing down on your tongue slightly and laughing at the way you almost choke in surprise. "And I don't remember giving you permission."
You can only manage a garbled whine in response, your face burning in embarrassment– but it's quickly silenced by the click of her tongue and the creak of the old chair you know sits by the fireplace, her thumb sliding out between your lips to drag you closer. Close enough to feel the rush of heat across your skin as your cheek is pressed against her thigh, her hands resting on the back of your head. You can't see it, but you sure can imagine the smug smile that must be tugging at her lips right about now.
"Let's see about fixing your little disobedient streak, darling." She murmurs, digging her nails into your scalp and tugging you even closer, the furs beneath you doing little to prevent the ache in your knees from kneeling. But you don't complain– you know what she wants, and you want it too. "Open."
Like the dog she seems so fond of treating you as, you listen– you're not as surprised this time when her fingers fill your mouth, forcing it open even further until you can feel the saliva collecting and dribbling down your chin. She doesn't seem to mind, even laughing at how pitiful you probably look, drooling all over her fingers.
But Signora is a hard woman to satisfy, and this will hardly do anything other then work her up enough to really break you in. You can just barely hear the rustle of fabric over your heartbeat, gloved hands tugging you closer and forcing you to press right up against the edge of the chair. It's almost uncomfortable, the way the chair presses against your chest, but she always has you teetering on that fine edge.
"Perhaps you can be trained after all." Signora's voice is like a balm, the heat of her body driving away the cold and urging you impossibly closer, until you feel her hand guide you down just as her fingers slip out of your mouth again– right up until you feel her cock against your cheek. "Show me that you can be obedient, mutt, and maybe I'll let you sit on my lap."
You know she's just dangling a treat just out of reach, but you can't help but reach for it anyway.
Your tongue drags across the underside of her cock, so slow you can hear the hiss that rattles in her chest halfway between pleasure and impatience. You take your time anyway, lingering until you reach the tip and press a kiss against it. You almost wish you could see her face, but she's never been fond of expressing anything outwardly when you can see it– just the idea of her brows furrowed, of her face flush and her lip caught between her teeth..it's enough.
It's not hard to imagine it anyway when the heat grows hotter, nearly turning the room into an oven before she catches herself. You aren't stupid enough to mention it, but your smile must be enough, because a low growl makes you shiver– so you drag your tongue from the base to the tip again, revel in the way it throbs beneath your tongue. For a moment you almost have something like control, your saliva dripping down her aching cock as you lap at it like a mutt.
But you're both growing impatient– the sharp click of her nails against the chairs arms makes you shudder, urging you to lift yourself up just enough to wrap your lips around the head with a muffled groan. You consider dragging it out just a moment longer, just to see if you can get her to whine, but she knows you better then you do– before you can even blink, her hand shoves you down. You, predictably, gag. Your throat burns from the stretch, but it's not unpleasant, eased by the pleasured hiss that tumbles from her lips. Signora at least has the mercy to let you get used to it for a moment before she drags you back up, the emptiness in your throat making you whine before she's shoving her cock back down your throat. Your eyes sting with unshed tears, your own sounds of pleasure muffled and garbled as she does it again– and again.
"Finally quiet, mutt?" She laughs, but it's strained– her voice quivers slightly as she fucks your throat like your nothing but a toy to her, drool dribbling down your chin and tears staining the blindfold. "If I knew it was this easy to shut you up, I'd have done it a long time ago."
You so badly want to do something, but with your hands tied behind your back and her fucking your face so rough, so fast, you can barely even think..there's not much you can do but let her, your cunt clenching around nothing. You really hope she wasn't lying about that reward, for once. You're practically dripping on her floor while she uses you, just barely able to squeeze your thighs together for a fraction of friction.
It only serves to make you more desperate, though.
"Fuck– or maybe you're too stupid to know better. You'd just let any pretty woman with a cock use you," Her breathing was getting heavier, more strained, but her grip on your hair didn't relent. Neither did the harsh thrust of her hips, her cock constantly hammering into your throat until you felt dizzy. "You're lucky I'm even willing to train a mutt like you."
Your mind starts to feel fuzzy, the words blending together until she digs her nails into your scalp and forces you down again– and keeps you there. You nearly gag again when you feel her shudder, her cock throbbing in your mouth as her cum spills down your throat, your hands straining against the silk binding them together. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, nostrils flaring and your body tensing– you don't even realize you'd briefly lost consciousness until your find yourself on her lap, rather then on your knees, her hands brushing the strands of hair stuck to your face with sweat out of your eyes.
It's the most gentle she's been all night– and likely as gently as she will be tonight. You lean into her touch anyway, groaning softly and shuddering at the taste of her on your tongue mixed with her cock throbbing against your thigh.
"I'm not done yet, darling. Did you think I'd let you get away with a little light training?" She laughs, cupping your jaw and pressing a kiss that's far too gentle to your cheek, the warmth of her body almost suffocating– but you welcome it, like you always do.
So you nod, smiling drowsily and spreading your legs like a good pet should.
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tequiilasunriise · 7 months
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When Steph and Cass get married they don’t take the last name Brown (Daddy Issues™️) or Cain (Daddy Issues Prime™️) or even Wayne (Steph absolutely REFUSES to become a Wayne nosirree), but a secret fourth thing (Gordan).
#BARBRA GORDON IS CASS’ MAMA AND TO AN EXTEND STEPH’S TOO OKAY#yes Steph still has Crystal but yall can NOT tell me she didnt lowkey look up to Babs as a secondary mom figure#the only one who is in on the jig is Kate bc shes officating the whole thing bc DUH and the way she fucken WHEEZZEEDDD when Steph explained#the way Kate would stand at the podium and anounce with such a smug grin#looking DIRECTLY at Bruce#‘I pronounce you…. MRS STEPHANIE AND MRS CASSANDRA GORDAN!’#the sheer fucken UPROARRRR#Steph LAUNCHES herself into Cass’ arms and kisses her senselessly as her now wife effortlessly carries her in a bridal carry#babs takes a second to process before instantly losing her NIND bc oh these crazy kids did NOT no no shes not crying#(she is. she so is. her date Dinah is handing her a hankerchief)#the batbros minus dami are hollering and cheering bc YEAHHHH STICK TO THE MANNNN#dami himself is dismissive and muttering about how could anyone throw away the wayne name like this#(on the inside he actually thinks this is pretty funny and must admit Barbra’s last name is a worthy rival to the Wayne name)#Bruce. Bruce is stunned. shell shocked. this girldad just lost his fav kid his princess#Jim is just having a damn good time bro is clapping Bruce on the back and having a good laugh over it all#also does this mean he has two honorary grandkids? no? well suck it bruce theyre my grandkids now#the other gothmanites who were invited like the birds of pret or the gotham city sirens are also all clowning on Brucie Boy#dc#stephcass#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#batfam
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phoenixcatch7 · 8 months
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Kintsukuroi
'What if I put a clock pendulum in my torso' was the sort of question Bruce had come to expect when visiting Oracle.
"Pendulums are dependant on a stable base," he replied, because the last time he'd assumed they were being unserious Tim had tried to fit a chemistry test lab in his mouth and accidentally leaked the fumes through his mask.
"It'd be so aesthetic though," said Barbara, not looking up from the dozen screens she was surrounded by. "Listen. It would look so cool - Spoiler, robbery on fifth and main - Especially if I put a clock face over my heart."
"I thought you were trying to fit a super computer in it?"
"I was, but progress is slow. It's hard to fit it and enough padding to protect it plus leave enough room for ventilation. If I add the pendulum I might at least get inspiration." She gave a heavy sigh and pushed away from the desk, gliding in her chair to where her doll body was resting on a table, the glue separating the two halves of the smashed torso still glistening. Bruce followed, peering over her at the many scanners and wires hooked into it, flashing and beeping.
"Any luck?" he asked, and they both knew he wasn't talking about the computer anymore.
"Nothing."
He squeezed her shoulder, and she leant into it. They stayed there for a long moment.
"I just don't understand!" Barbara finally burst out, hands clenching on her chair arms. "I glued nearly every single piece back together! I made sure every splinter I could find went exactly where it should! I know the contract is still there. She's worked with more missing pieces before. But she's just not responding!"
"It's not you," Bruce soothed. "You've more than enough determination and strength to puppet, and we know the human body's state doesn't affect performance."
"That's the thing!" Barbara threw her hands up angrily, nearly smacking Bruce in the face. There was a chatter over comms, and both reached for their own. "One second," she said tightly, and wheeled back into the glow of the monitors. "Copy. BW, you're nearest? Thanks. Try and avoid the sniper this time. Wing, backup is in five."
She muted again and spun around, pinning Bruce with a heavy stare. "Is there anything, anything you can think of? We've - nothing I've tried has worked."
"Well...." He trailed off, one hand coming up to rub at the chin of his mask - a quiet night meant the opportunity to forgo the practical but muffling gas mask for his favoured plain black.
It was far from the first time a doll had been horrifically damaged. The incident with Bane came to mind - Batman had been in a very similar condition, body shorn clean in two and tossed to opposite corners. It was an awful memory, but the expression on Bane and the audience's faces as his bloodless body fell apart like a rotting tree trunk and then kept moving was a silver lining he'd always treasure.
But he'd been repaired and back on his feet in weeks, if bearing the incandescent fury of the doll for several more. It had been months for Barbara, and still nothing was happening.
"There's something we're missing, and I doubt it's on your side."
"I know THAT-"
"Listen," he demanded, and her jaw clicked shut mutinously. "There's something we're not seeing. Batgirl is in no shape to demand it herself, it seems. So its inaction is something we can't fully rely on."
"You've got the most experience with the dolls of all of us. Can you.. I don't know, sense anything?"
"Nothing more than the usual, with the Patriarch Doll, but we might get more if we return to the doll house -"
"No." Barbara interrupted again, but Bruce did not take offence. "She's not going anywhere. She doesn't want to head back to the cave."
Oh?
"She doesn't want to, or she doesn't care to?"
"I say she doesn't."
Interesting. This was likely a case of the doll exerting its will. The bats were well versed in avoiding the few lines their wooden bodies drew in the sand, treating them with the wary respect one would give a favorite blade or a highly trained attack dog. They could work together, share the highs and lows of life with them, but never get complacent. The dolls were forever a foreign, inhuman presence, and as with all wild creatures they would never be so arrogant as to assume full understanding. For Barbara to so strongly decide for the doll meant she was most likely not the only one deciding.
Which meant the solution would not be found in the cave.
"Perhaps there are upgrades she wishes to have?"
Oracle paused.
"Maybe," she conceded. "But there's practically a limitless amount of things I could do, and I wouldn't know where to start. And I could more easily do them when she's up and walking."
Not that then. If the doll wanted something to change but not receive upgrades or heal, than what?
... Not heal.
Batman hurried to the table. Oracle watched him with hawk eyes, but another call on the comms turned her away with a final warning glance.
Recovering every single splinter from a damaged wooden object and perfectly reattaching it was nigh impossible on a good day, never mind in the dead of night with a moving target. The dolls always returned to the cave to regenerate scratches and nicks they couldn't buff out, or accepted plaster to transmute with whatever supernatural power guided them.
The batgirl on the table, divested of all covering and armour, was still as chipped and scuffed as the day nightwing recovered last splinter.
The pieces fell into place.
"She doesn't want to be perfectly rebuilt," he realised. "She doesn't want the damage to disappear as it normally does... She wants it to remain visible. A different type of repair, then."
Oracle spun in her wheelchair to face him.
"Why?" she asked, something sharp in her eyes. Bruce chose his next words carefully.
"Perhaps she thinks such damage doesn't need to be hidden away," he said, slowly, and didn't comment when she turned away. Though she put on a strong face, and the doctors had recently released her full time, it would be a long time until the young hero was able to truly heal her mind.
"She doesn't need to do that for me. She's just causing me trouble."
"I don't think she is," he tried. "Dolls tend to reflect their puppeteer even after they accept us. You can't deny your trajectory has been changed."
They both sent a significant look to the enormous super computer taking up the wall.
"You've said you almost feel better able to protect Gotham now, with your reach and skills. Do you really feel that way?"
"I - I don't -" her mouth worked silently, and Bruce waited. "I mean I guess... But a part of me always assumed it'd be temporary, you know? Once I fixed batgirl.. It'd all return to normal." Her voice wobbled, and Bruce didn't hesitate to crouch before her, wrapping her in a long armed hug. She buried herself in his chest, regardless of the chilled metal.
"It's okay if you don't," he whispered into her hair, and held her as she shook. "I'm just throwing ideas around."
"I do though," she rasped. "I think I do feel that way. There's so much that can't be solved by violence, and it feels good to be out there but... I think I can help even more people, this way."
"That's good," he praised, "that's good. You can do whatever you set your mind to."
"You stole that from a parenting book verbatim."
"It's applicable to the current situation."
"Fine," she sighed, and pushed him away to roughly scrub at her eyes. "I'll give the doll another chance. Find some glitter glue or something, I don't know."
"Any materials you need will be provided," he promised. "I wouldn't recommend glitter glue or our usual tar."
He moved to pat her on the hair as the emotions of the moment faded, making sure to keep his unsheathed claws out of her hair.
"Once you fix her, though, I would recommend you puppet the doll during night hours still," he told her. "It wouldn't be good to put your body through twenty hour days."
"I've got a good system set up for now, but thank, B-man."
The computer dinged with another alert, and oracle spun to squint at it with a muffled curse, typing furiously. Batman escaped to the other side of the room, where the folders he'd originally come looking for lay. She waved, distracted, as he left, and although the doll could not smile, he could feel it on his face all the same.
@puppetmaster13u I summon thee dear mutual ^^
#I don't know which of us came up with the kintsukuroi idea but it worked brilliantly#Unexpected discussion of clinging to the idea of normality as something that can be returned to despite thinking you're okay with your#Life altering chronic condition diagnosis 🫠#Off screen nightwing is just not having a good time#I'm still testing out my characterisation of b but I'm pretty happy with him. Good dad b but also pre/no Ethiopia so he's healthier as it i#Oh btw the dolls don't have gender being inanimate the bats are anthropomorphising them#In the same way sailors call their boats she or my mum decided the roomba is a he#Some world building! I stuffed a lot in lol#I like the idea of the bats having different masks. Like the gas mask is for arkham breakouts or gas villains or ivy so it's the famous one#But they also use plain cloth masks or ceramic ones or decorative ones when the occasion calls. They've got scuba ones too#long post#batman#world building#worldbuilding#bruce wayne#possessed doll au#haunted doll#cryptid batman#cryptid batfam#batman au#dc oracle#barbara gordon#batgirl#I'm trying to keep the dolls as mindless but watchful as possible#Like they don't have opinions or ideas or anything. You could do literally whatever you wanted as long as you follow The Rules#I don't think the bats really know about the contracts. I think b has inferred something. But it's more trial and error#One idea I had is that the dolls are powered by the life force of past users mutated into... Whatever tf from all the curses.#So by entering the contract you lose a significant chunk of your ability to enter the afterlife.#Yes this would only be noticed by the jl going to the future and trying to find the souls of everyone or smth for whatever reason#And the bats don't have much of anything. Leading to the further impression that they aren't remotely human
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[ID: a digital drawing of Hunter and Willow from the owl house based on the "lesbians doing makeup" meme. Hunter is lying beneath Willow, who straddles him while doing his makeup. He looks at her somewhat dazed and she looks at him fondly. the background is a mid-tone blue. End ID]
This is what they are. To me
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sincerely-sofie · 9 months
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A blast from the past.
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guiiay · 11 months
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some inazuma ladies I did around 2021-2022!
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 10 months
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FEM NIGHTMARE DESIGN
i wanted to post both my pre corruption and post design version at once so here you go!
they might be subject to change in the future, but i don't think i wanna go overboard with detail for nightmare's passive form; cause not only would her fancy princess clothing be stolen or ripped and torn ages ago with all the bullying and blood staining it, but also the twins have to change their clothes every once in a while to clean them or at least when they get too small to fit, so the outfits have to be replaceable/easy to mend and sew back hhh xD
also no crowns for this version of mine, but a crescent moon hair clip turned necklace for night, and a sun clip turned belt for dream! her design coming soon (hopefully :'D)
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helielune · 4 months
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i'll angel in the snow until i'm worthy (snow angel)
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bohemian-nights · 7 months
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Rhaenyra being forced at nineteen (when most noble born women are betrothed when they’re children and married sometimes before their sixteen to men twice their age) to marry (after being allowed to tour the seven kingdoms to find a husband of her choosing) isn’t sexist. Heirs both female and male have to have a heir to continue the line. Politically marrying Laenor Velaryon is a smart move but Rhaenyra was only forced to marry Laenor because of her inability to choose one on her tour and the fact that she was seen in wh*re house allegedly having sex with not only her Uncle but with Daemon. I understand Rhaenyra’s reasons for not wanting to marry (i.e her mother) but by wanting to eventually be Queen she has to bite the bullet and do it.
And as for her leaving Kings Landing I’m pretty 50/50. I understand why she left but leaving and not returning for six years was a big no no. This is more of a side note but her and Daemon ragging on the fact that Alicent changed the design of the Red Keep makes me angry. It’s been six years and Alicent is Queen Consort to a sick and dying King (a King who treats both herself and their children horribly) let her decorate how she wants to. And with all the sick sh*t the Targaryens do they need Jesus lol (another thing the way they made it seem as if Alicent is the only person wanting Aegon and Helaena to marry makes me mad. Book!wise Viserys and Viserys alone does that. By having Alicent arrange that the two be married makes her a very main cause of her children’s suffering).
As for Daemon himself he’s a sh*t father and a sh*t husband. He “tries” but he should try 100x harder. So why he thinks he should have an opinion on what goes on in a home he hasn’t laid his head down in for sixteen years is beyond my understanding lol.
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Nothing to add. These are all the facts💅🏽
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inkskinned · 2 years
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i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.
hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:
when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.
for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.
the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !
i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.
i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.
life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.
i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.
and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.
#the really ironic thing#is that the less i care what people think of me#the more friends i have#the more i get along with people easily#19 year old me would kill me for saying this bc she HATED when people said ''stop trying''#but it was that i wasn't trying to be their friend#i was trying NOT to be ME#i went from being like ''i think im too different for people to ever like me''#to a decade later being like#'' ah i'll be okay i get along with pretty much everyone ''#it was true about food too#i wasn't kind to my body and thought it could make me look a certain way#if i was pretty it would make up for the way i was internally very ugly#but im now in probably the best shape of my life#and i have pretty much kicked my eating disorder to the curb (goodbye die in a hole)#bc i spend SO much more time seeing the chance to work out as a FUN THING#bc i don't make myself ''follow the rules'' of working out -- i dance or jog or whatever my body wants to do instead#do you know how weird it is#to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah#like bullied ALL THE TIME bc ur stupid and flighty and strange and too loud etc#to being like the exact same person but now people are like ..... ''ur smart and funny and charming and happy-go-lucky''#some of this does have to deal with the fact i got therapy and medication#and started being a better person and actually focusing on myself and the ways that i could improve#im gentler now. i don't crave attention in the same way. i don't mind things that used to destroy me#it DOES help that i finally got diagnosed with ADHD#anyway feelin things bc it's been 5 years of recovery <3
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cinna-bunnie · 2 months
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hehe a pretty girl came up to me and basically told me i was the baddest bitch in the cafe on my lunch earlier (❁´◡`❁) ♡⁠
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reverse nerdy girl makeover Disney Channel original movie, where a girl moves away from her old town and slowly comes to realize in the new environment she's in that her old friend group was super toxic. her new friends help her rediscover her interests, be herself even if others judge her, wear clothing in a style she actually likes and that fits her, and most importantly, put those glasses back on that her old friends said made her look ugly. she's happy for the first time in years, and eventually, a girl falls in love with her smile and adores how unapologetically passionate she is, and they get together.
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trash-can-sam · 27 days
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What happens when your coworker kills your other coworker but both of you are in a relationship (kind of) with the same ethereal woman who had an admiration for said dead coworker.
+bonus Evandrey because it’s funny to me (I’m sorry Eva.)
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#pathologic#pathologic 2#andrey stamatin#yulia lyuricheva#eva yan#evandrey#yulieva#evaandrey#Eva yahn#Andrei Stamatin#see I think that Eva is very okay with Eva being how she is- promiscuous and spreading her love (Maybe a little jealous but more rooted in#self loathing and insecurities)#and she’s like look I’m okay with this whole open relationship (technically we aren’t in a relationship even though I really want to be)#thing BUT why HIM. I have to work with him and he’s by far the worst man I’ve ever worked with (besides maybe his brother because at least#Andrey actually talks but really they’re a package deal anyways) I need to have meetings with him often and it’s horrendous every time#like spread your love it’s noble really.#I wouldn’t expect anything else from you#but maybe give him less he’s annoying as hell#I also think that she’d figure out pretty quickly that Andrey and Peter killed Farkhad#just bcuz like. yk she’s there. she’s seen the already shaky relationship crumble beyond repair. she’s seen them argue in meetings.#she knows the stamatwins are not above murder. especially for art. and she’s clever.#And andrey knows that so he doesn’t try to hide it. she doesn’t have recourse anyways-#the kains (who I think helped cover up the murder) employ her too#and andrey respects her to a degree- he assumes she’ll see reason.#and honesty. Yulia might be upset that Andrey killed one of the only other architects but also she does not miss him that much.#she’s like I don’t agree with this whole murder thing but you are kind of right he had to go he was getting on my nerves#the meetings will be 10x more tolerable now that the twins can’t argue with him about things that aren’t even real#it’s awful but it did drive Eva further into my arms so necessary evils.#my art#sorry for the essay in the tags.
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