#I'm not having those self-depreciating thoughts right now
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Give Me Everything | E.M x PlusSize!Reader
Anonymous requested: I was wondering if you could do a story on a plus size best friend reader.. who was asked out by a jock on a dare or who Eddie walks into her room to see her sitting on the floor upset because her favourite dress is getting tight.. and he shows her how much he loves her body even if she can't see it... Maybe with like a praise/breeding kink.. or whatever you want to do 😁🫠👉👈 Recently went through a weight gain, and I'm so hard on myself.
AN: As a plus-size girly myself, I got you bbg. 😚
CW: bestfrined!Eddie x f!reader, self-loathing, self-depreciation, weight gain, body image, Eddie is a big ol' simp, soft dom, praise, oral, p in v, breeding kink, creampies, Pet names (baby, babe, pretty girl etc.)
wc: 3k
When the former basketball team captain ran into you at the local bar and asked you out, you were hesitant to say yes.
Your body never bothered you…until it did. The perks, your tits never looked better; the downside was you felt big. You’re still getting used to this new body, the body that you didn’t like.
Maybe your favourite dress would be the thing to help. So you dug into the depths of your closet. It has been a while since you’ve even attempted to put it on. The summer months were finally here; you could use this pick-me-up.
You stepped into the A-line skirt. So far, so good. When you tried to bring the straps up, things took a turn. It felt so tight; it dug into your soft flesh, your skin popped out around the straps, and the buttons in the front weren’t even close enough together to do up. You turn to see the taught fabric surrounding your back, all lumpy with back rolls.
Silent tears start to shed as you look at yourself in the full-length mirror. You never even heard the knock on your door or the lock click when your best friend entered your home with his copy of the key. You didn’t see how Eddie’s face dropped when he saw you criticizing every inch of your body. The way his heart broke when he saw your tear-stained cheeks in the reflection of the mirror.
Eddie knew you had a date. He came for moral support and to maybe convince you not to go for his own personal reasons.
He was shocked when you revealed the name of the guy who had asked you out. Jason Carver. Number one douchebag of class of ‘87. He thought you were joking, but you didn’t grow up in Hawkins; you moved here after college. No way you would have known the country club- bible-thumping moron was his arch-nemesis all those years ago.
“Y/N”
You jumped when the soft whisper of Eddie’s voice filled the room.
“Eddie, I didn’t hear you come in.” You quickly try to wipe away the tears, embarrassed that he saw you like this, looking like this.
You quickly grab your oversized t-shirt and pull it over your head to cover up your shame.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You’re quick to reply.
“Don’t do that, you always do that. Tell me what’s wrong.” He gently takes your hand and pulls you to the bed.
“It’s so embarrassing.” Your voice cracks, and you want to die.
“It’s me we are talking about, babe; nothing you can do is embarrassing.”
Eddie was right; you shared everything. He knew all of your deepest, darkest secrets. All of them, but this one.
You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself before speaking.
“I’m no model, I’m not the size I use…” You look down, and you are not able to finish your sentence. It hurt too much to say out loud. "Nothing fits me anymore." You mumble.
“What?” He stroked the back of your head, trying to calm you.
“Nothing fits me anymore!” You break.
“So we will buy new clothes.”
“That’s not-ugh. You don’t get it,” he would never understand.
“Then tell me.”
“I never used to be like this.” You gestured to yourself.
“Like what?”
“Big!”
“You’re not big”
“Eddie… stop. I am… I just wanted to put on my favourite dress to feel better about myself, but now it doesn’t fit me anymore.” You sniffle.
“Y/N.” your name fell off of Eddie’s lips-laced with such sorrow.
“And now I have to find something to wear for this date in two hours, and I have nothing. I don’t even know if I like the guy, but he’s the first one who asked me out in a year, and I just wanted to feel pretty… to feel wanted... desired.”
“You are pretty; you are beautiful.”
“You’re just saying that.” your mouth speaks, but you can't ignore the butterflies that come with those words.
“No,” he shook his head. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.” Eddie poured his heart out.
“You have to say that- you’re just trying to make me feel better.
“I’m really not, and if Jason doesn’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve to go out with you.” He shuffled closer to you. “That guy is a fucking loser! Peaked in high school. It’s killing me that you agreed to go out with him.”
“Maybe that’s what I deserve…”
“What?”
"If he is the only kind of guy that wants me it's what I deserve."
"Don't you dare say that," Eddie cups your face to force you to make eye contact.
"Why on earth would you think so little of yourself?"
"Because... no one wants the big girl." your eyes glazed with tears once again.
Eddie knew he fucked up by not telling you his feelings earlier on, but he was scared.
"Let me show you how beautiful you are. Please."
"What?"
"I can't watch you go on this date without letting you know that it should have been me to ask you first. I was scared of what it would do to us, but I like you; I like you more than a friend should. I think about you all the time, and I want to show you how much you mean to me. I want you to understand that your body is the most perfect thing I have ever seen.
"Eddie I-"
"Please"
"O-okay."
Eddie crashes his lips into yours. Nothing about this is sweet. It is primal and needy, like he can finally drink you in after weeks of thirst. His hand travels to the back of your head and gently lays you back on the bed. His body is hovering over yours as your fingers tangle in his hair. He tastes like spearmint gum and cigarettes. You breathe in his woodsy cologne, giving you a head rush.
His kisses become more gentle, more calculated as the both of you begin to mould into one. Curious hands travelled under your skirt as he felt the soft skin of your thigh, bringing it up so he could get closer.
The skirt of the dress you still had on fell, exposing more of your leg, and Eddie couldn't resist taking a peek.
He rose, and you let out a soft moan at the loss of contact.
"It's okay, baby. I just needed to see you. How beautiful you are spread open for me."
That made you flush. Never have you seen this side of Eddie before. Only in your wildest fantasies could you dream of these words being spoken from his mouth.
the self-consciousness quickly set in as you needed to close your legs, but Eddie's strong hand found the meat of your inner thoughts and pried them open with ease.
"No baby, I need you to be a good girl, and keep these open. Do you think you can do that for me?" He leaned in and gently kissed your inner thigh, another part of you you've been particularly loathing lately.
"i don't know" IT was so overwhelming.
"We don't have to keep going if you don't want to... But I would be honoured if you let me have you this way." It would be the highest compliment, the most trust you put into a man.
"I want to, but im nervous." You've not shown anyone your body since the weight gain; you never wanted to. But something about Eddie made you feel safe and wanted.
"we will go slow. I want to savour every second." He smirked and you couldn't help but cover your face. Why was he making you feel so giddy?
"No, no. I need to see you, pretty girl." Eddie's rough fingers intertwined with yours as he peeled your hands away from your face.
"You can't say things like that to me!" you squeak.
"Why? dose it make your pussy feel all tingly?"
"Eddie!"
"Oh, I bet it does; you like me talking you up? Good, because so do I." His lips latched on yours once again, and his tongue made its way into your mouth before he pulled away to kiss his way down your neck until your shirt got in the way.
"Take it off." His hands slid underneath, feeling the fabric of the tight dress bunched up around your middle. This was another barrier he would need to convince you to get rid of.
"Eddie..."
"Please? I want to make you feel good." His hands inched up further and further towards your breasts.
You close your eyes and let out a deep sigh before nodding in agreement. Your hands find the hem of your shirt before slowly peeing it off, exposing your lacy bra.
"Fuck" You hear Eddie exhale above you.
When you slowly open your eyes, you see a man above you, full of lust and primal desire. A man to whom you thought never to be attracted to you, yet here he is, ready to devour you like you're his last meal.
"You're so fucking perfect." He reaches to grope you, not able to resist not touching your chest.
He can feel your pebbled nipples through the thin blue lace that hardly concealed anything. The thought that Jason was the one who might have gotten to see this instead of him drove him mad with jealousy.
You swore you heard him mumble the word 'mine' before leaning in to kiss your skin right above where the bra lay on your breast. His plump lips were so soft on your skin as his kisses turned into licks and nips through the fabric. His hands cupped and squeezed your tits as you watched him become a man possessed.
You arched your back up into Eddie as he fondled you; you can also feel how hard Eddie is becoming against your thigh.
You moaned his name, and that only made Eddie need you more.
“Do you know how badly I’ve wanted to taste you, baby?”
“No,” your breath is sharp and shocked.
“No?” He cocks his head, “Well, I need to get better at showing you just how much I need you.” He takes your hand and guides it to his jeans, where his cock is strained beneath.
Your eyes widen as you feel the stiff outline before you reach up to kiss him, but he pulls away, making his way down your body as he pulls down your dress, leaving you in only your matching panties and bra.
Your hands instinctively cover your stomach, but Eddie beats you to it, catching your hands mid-air and tilting his head.
“I don’t think so, baby; it’s just me.” He guides your hands to rest beside your body before he tentatively moves his own hands to your inner thighs.
“You trust me?” He continued.
You can’t form words; the only thing you can do is nod your head dumbly. No one had made you feel so desired, wanted... needed.
“Good girl”
Eddie finds his own hands pushing your legs open as far as they can go so he can see the wet patch that has formed in the gusset of your panties. A knowing smirk breaches his face as he leans forward to lay a gentle kiss on your covered pussy lips before taking a deep breath in. Your scent filled his nostrils, making you squeak with embarrassment.
“Eddie!”
“Can’t help myself, you smell so delicious…. Can’t wait to taste you.” He hooks a finger in your panties to move them to the side.
“So pretty,” he whispered into your lower lips before leaning a long wet kiss to your clit.
“Oh god!” You cry, arching your back into him as he makes out with your pussy.
“Tastes even better than you smell, baby.”
His tongue licks a long, drawn-out strip from your home to your clit, making you even wetter than before.
A mix of Eddie’s saliva and your slick coat on your inner thighs as he ravished you. The way his lips and tongue worked your clit and folds was head spinning.
“Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!” You cry as your orgasm crashes into you like a tidal wave.
Your body shakes beneath your best friend don’t let go until he’s consumed all of you.
“Holy shit,” you catch your breath. No other words came to mind as your blissed-out state takes over all of you.
“You did such a good job f’me” he mumbled into your pussy before pulling back.
You see his shiny lips and chin break into a smile as he crawls back up your body to kiss you. You pull him down into you, and his body weight feels so good on top of you. You need more; you need to be closer.
“More,” you say into the kiss.
“Don’t worry, baby, I’m not even close to being done with you.”
“Eddie, please.” You whine, hardly recognizing your own voice. You’re so full of want and need for Eddie. He is the only thing you can focus on.
“Patients, baby,” he leans back to remove his clothes.
First came his shirt and then his belt; you watched as his ring-clad fingers skilfully undid the intricate lock of the belt buckle and teased you as he slowly undid his pants.
Your hands travelled up your chest, and you played with your nipples to entice Eddie to move faster, but he was savouring the moment. He wasn’t going to give in to your tricks; he had been waiting too long for this moment to not make it last.
"You're so pretty spread out like this, just for me."
“I want you so bad,” you moan as his boxers finally are tugged from his waist, and what you’ve wanted the most is sprung free. “I need you.”
“You have me, all of me.” Another feverish kiss was taken, and you couldn’t help but grind your bare hips into his own.
“No more waiting.”
“No more waiting baby, I have you.” You feel him rock the warm head of his cock through your cum soaked folds back and forth collecting your slick so he can slide into you with ease.
“Baby please.” You beg.
“What about protection?”
“No condom” you shake your head.
“No? You want me to fill this pretty little pussy? Claim you? Breed you? Make you mine?”
“Yes” you plead with a hint of desperation in your voice. The glint behind your eyes was too much for Eddie to say no.
“You want to be mine?”
“So bad, Eddie. Please, I want to be yours. I’ll give you everything, please.”
“Such a good girl. I like it when you tell me what you want.” He stroked the side of your face before cupping it to take you into a long kiss as his cock penetrated your leaking hole.
Another muffled moan from the both of you filled the room as his cock stretched your inner walls. Never had you had someone this big before; it's been a little over a year since you’ve had sex with a man. You don’t remember why you’ve waited this long. All thoughts about body image and self-hatred melted away with each brush of his cock.
“Fucking pussy is so tight.” He gritted through his teeth, trying not to spill his load into you already. Eddie swore he died and this was heaven. Your pussy was heaven on earth; nothing ever felt this good, not anyone, not anything.
“Faster.” Your hips matched his rhythm as you ground down onto his cock.
"You sure you can handle it, baby?"
"Yes!"
Lewd sounds of wet skin slapping filled the empty space of your bedroom. Cries of pleasure and touches of wanting filled the space and one another minds as the two of you couldn't get enough.
"Love how needy you are for me. Just can't resist my cock can you baby?"
unintelligible left your lips as Eddie rocked furiously into you.
"Anwer me, baby, or I'll stop. You were doing so good before."
"Yes! I want your cock." you cried.
"I'm so proud of you; you're taking me so well. Who's my beautiful girl?"
"m-me," you stutter as his cock brushes your spot.
"Fuck youre so beauiful. You're going to be even more beautiful after you're filled with my cum. You want hat baby? Want my load inside of you?"
"Yes!" your fingers dig into the flesh of Eddies back, leaving raised red scratches in their wake.
"Please- wanna cum so bad." you breath
"Fuck yes, baby, claim me. Make me yours cum on my cock."
It didn't take much longer as Eddie began to play with your swollen bud of nerves before you were falling apart all over again. A silent scream, your jaw hung lax as the sound gets caught in your throat, and another tidal wave, this one bigger than the last, washed over your whole body as his cock and fingers continued to work your needy pussy.
Eddie watched your fucked out state feeling so satisfied with himself. "Fuck that's my girl, squeezing me so fucking good." You feel Eddie jerk one last time before he spills everything inside of you. "Fucking take it."
You snap out of it when you feel the weight of Eddie collapses on top of you. You let out a giggle in your blissed-out state.
"Something funny, pretty girl?"
"No-no, everything is perfect. Thank you, Eddie." You brushed his swaety hair off his perspiering face.
"No baby, I think I need to be thanking you. Never has anyone let me fuck them like that."
"Never?" You shy away, realizing what youve asked of him.
"Don't worry. You're the only one I've ever wanted to do that with. I think you unlocked something inside of me." He kissed the corner of your mouth.
"Yea, I like you... a lot. If that's not obvious."
"I like you too, Eddie."
"I sure hope so you let me cum in you." He snorted.
"God, you're so vulgar."
"Yea, but you like it. "
"I do."
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x plus size reader#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson fan fic#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson request#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson#eddie munson x best friend reader#bestfriend!eddie munson#bestfriend!eddie munson x reader
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Every time I feel like my writing is mediocre I scroll through all the lovely comments people have left and it rekindles the same creative spirit I had when I was twelve years old and writing fanfic for the first time, when the thought of criticizing myself didn't even occur to me because I was finding so much joy in the simple act of creation, when I was still trying to unfurl my petals because I wasn't sure how to bloom but by god I was growing
#hannah's rambles#I'm not having those self-depreciating thoughts right now#I just think about the thousands of people out there who have read and loved the writing I've shared and stuck with me#And I hold them all in my heart which is too small to contain everything and now everything is leaking out onto the floor#I don't know how to think about people who have been inspired by me or cheered me on and not get overwhelmed with appreciation#And love and hopes and dreams and possibilities#I don't know what I'm talking about but God am I feeling things tonight /pos and /???
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You, I, and the Wall (Azul, Jade, and Floyd x Yuu)
You lie on the ground taking deep breaths, searching around you for three objects you can name while you try to force your ears to tune into the noises around you. The three boys surrounding you look concerned, almost like you're crying but you can't really bring yourself to care right now. It's not like they care anyway, you think; an upset person is just inconvenient to deal with.
"It's my fault." You try to reassure them with a shaky breath. "I'm the one who made the mistake of feeling safe."
notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, heavy angst, SPOILERS FOR CH. 4, specifically how Jamil's UM might make someone feel (as in not good, forcing someone to do stuff they do not want to is not nice). If you like this please check out my masterlist here (x)
Floyd
"I bet you'd rather be talkin to Crabby right now, huh?" Floyd almost sounds self depreciating, there's a haze of tears clouding your judgment that makes him feel a bit safer in his vulnerability. "Sorry I'm all that's here right now." He makes sure to stay just far enough from you that you don't feel like he's crowding your personal space, but close enough that there's a barrier between you and the door the Scarabia students fled through. If those guppies thought there was any sort of excuse for putting you into this state he would accept, well there wasn't. If they thought he had forgotten their faces they had a gigantic storm coming, but he needed to make sure you were alright first. Hurricane's can't start until the eye is calm.
"I tried calling Ace, he didn't answer." Your voice sounds so unlike you, weak and tired. "Same with Deuce."
"Ha, dunno about Mackey but Crabby's definitely scratching at the walls if you told him you're in trouble." He means it, and he hates how he knows it will calm you down. Floyd doesn't like the sidelines, that's where Jade thrives, not him. Being jealous that Ace is calming you down even though he's not here is petty and kind of pathetic. But he can't help it, the way he moves and looks is scary, but surely if he looks at you long enough you'll realize-
"You ain't gotta believe me now," he mumbles to himself, slowly shuffling closer to you, satisfying his urge to squeeze by pinching your cheek, "already knew I was gonna have to work on that, but I don't ever want to see you like this again." Finally you look at him instead of away; you are confused and tired but finally comfortable enough to let your exhaustion put you to sleep. He used to think he loved every face you could make, and he can't say he never wants to see you scared because of how cute you look spooked, but this, this wasn't fun. You'll just have to let him be the only one to scare you from here on out, he thinks, gently picking you up off the ground to take you somewhere more comfortable.
Jade
To be fair, Jade had expected you to try hitting him a lot sooner than this. He also had to admit it was extremely... lovely of you to have enough control over yourself to stop just before landing the blow.
"No fighting in the lounge, that's the rule right?" Your entire body is tense, even as you retract the fist and retreat into yourself, away from the table, away from him. Azul laughs awkwardly while pushing forward in discussing the Scarabia situation, but Jade keeps his eyes on you.
"Of course for a magicless person like yourself there would be no way to resist being hypnotized. Really someone could have given you whatever orders they wanted to and ordered you not to remember-"
In hindsight maybe, compared to some of the other observations he has voiced out loud, that one was a touch harsh.
"I am quite sorry if I caused offense." He says. Still tense, you take in a deep shuddering breath, winding up for something. His hands fold contentedly, wondering if you will try to hit him again. Given his comments, he doesn't mind letting you.
"Fuck off." You sound so small you want to die but the shock that unwinds on his face is somewhat satisfying. He wonders, as you try to walk away again, just how it would feel to be powerless to say no. To be small and alone in a world you don't belong in, forced to do something by someone against your will and then made fun of by someone strikingly similar for not being able to protect yourself.
It's an ugly thought, but he wonders if anyone has ever made you feel this small before, if he is making you feel that small now.
"I did not say what I did to mock you." Jade is surprised by the strength of his conviction, and how little he thinks to blame you if you choose not to forgive him. "If the thought of that person's magic scares you, please stay close to Floyd. He will be able to keep you safe." To his great relief some tension leaves your shoulders, and he dares to risk a step forward. "I should hope this goes without saying, but what happened to you was not your fault, nor was it acceptable."
"You trying to say Octavinelle has a monopoly on exploiting me?" There's an edge to the question that will take time to dull, but your ire seems less pointed at him now.
"I'm suggesting you simply look at our involvement as a form of revenge." He means it, though he knows you are in no position to tell just yet. That's quite alright, he knows himself. He can wait.
Azul
"Please wait!" Azul is surprised you don't break into a sprint, but then you don't slow down or stop either, stubbornly insistent on moving towards Ramshackle Dorm. You allow him to walk next to you, ignoring the huffs of stress in his breath.
"What do you want Azul?" No no no this is all wrong, you compliment his efforts after seeing him at his worst and now you're icing him out? Sure, he knew entertaining the idea you could be friends, genuine ones, was too good to be true but seeing it go up in foam in front of him was still painful.
"What did you mean feeling safe was a mistake?" He knows Jamil, in theory anyway, they're in a complicated place right now. Or maybe always but that's besides the point. There was a reason behind all of this he is sure you will likely find sympathetic enough to forgive, but if you are in this much pain why should you? Not that he has a say in it, but why should he let you?
"What do you want Azul?" You just repeat yourself, nails digging into the palms of your hand in a way that looks so painful he can't stop himself from reaching to pull them towards him. It keeps you from running the next couple feet to the mirror, both of you forced to look at the bleeding dents in your palms in a mixture of shame and remorse. He's too distressed to express himself, moving to firmly hold both of your hands with one of his while the other searches for his magic pen. 'What do yo-"
"A chance." Magic soothes the pain as Azul works to close the admittedly tiny wounds with the same determined focus he shows his studies. "All I have ever wanted is a chance." He doesn't say at what, you get a feeling he doesn't really know what he is asking for right now himself. But with how he refuses to mention payment as he puts away his magic pen, just continues to hold you in place, you think you could maybe eventually understand.
"I'll give you one." You swallow hoarsely, taking away your hands from his as he tries to pretending he didn't memorize their warmth.
"It's a deal then," he means that as a joke you think, but there's a bit of his normal showmanship and pride you find oddly comforting now "I promise you, one is all I'll need."
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#floyd leech x reader#jade leech x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#also as a side note#i think floyd is the most emotionally intelligent of the trio#which was more or less the thought that spawned whatever this is
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bitter melon (guy/honey, redacted audios)
Honey got stood up on a date and Guy tried to save their night.
(pre-relationship, hurt/comfort, jealousy (hohohoho), slight misunderstanding, conflict between characters, making up, fluff)
4.6k+ words [ao3 link] [masterlist]
[cw/notes: insecurities, self-depreciating thoughts and a lil breakdown im sorry honey has some issues over here (projecting moment?), NOT PROOFREAD as always LMAOO
ALSO sadly guy isnt as silly (maybe really ooc) as he is most of the fic because he has Internal Conflict + i tried to make honey’s outfit and appearance as ambiguous as possible but i’m not sure how well i did with that ;---; so just keep that in mind! Idk how to feel about this fic ! i love it and i hate it LMAO]
"Oooh, what's got you all dressed up, roomie?"
It was the weekend—Kayla had just been picked up by her boyfriend, which had Guy realizing he and his favorite roommate had the place all to themselves for a few hours. As far as he recalled, he was off from work, and they hadn’t mentioned any errands to him for today. Perfect!
Guy had a bounce in his step as he arrived by the entrance to the room at the leftmost side of their shared apartment. He rapidly knocked at the door with a giddy “Hello?”, eagerly waiting for the response that he knew would always come.
Hm, which game should they play this time? Smash was always an option but he wouldn’t mind trying something new with them. They could even watch some random YouTube documentary again like they did last time. Or maybe he can finally muster up the courage to ask them if they want to hang out somewhere outside the apartment that isn’t for laundry or groceries.
He smiled to himself. Yeah, I’d like that. They can go to that new arcade that opened up nearby!
Before Guy can daydream more of sharing smiles in photo booths and frustratingly rigged crane games, the door opens to reveal the subject of his reverie, clad in clothing and accessories flashier than what they would typically wear. He got a whiff of a pleasant fragrance too and he realized that they must have put on a perfume of some kind.
Woah.
They looked…amazing. They've always looked amazing. He had thought that about his grumpy companion even before the pair got close. But, seeing them in anything other than their usual casualwear or pajamas was definitely a surprise.
The teasing amount of skin they had exposed didn’t go unnoticed by him, as well.
His roommate, by all means, was no prude. They even had their fair share of comebacks more vulgar than his flirts when they banter (Those particular interactions definitely do not keep him up at night, blushing and wide-eyed while he stares at the ceiling. Nope. Never.) This side of them, however, was something he’d never seen before until now. This side of how they present themselves with such boldness was new and he didn’t mind it at all.
The outfit looked good on them. Too good. A seductive dark top that very much complemented the tone of their skin, unbuttoned dangerously low enough to reveal the expanse of their collarbone that was adorned by a simple necklace.
Their shoes gave them more height too, slightly towering over Guy more than they already did before and forcing him to tilt his head up a little for their eyes to meet. The dizzying scent of their cologne paired with those pants that hugged their figure just right had his mind reeling. It was mortifying—how they had him in such a daze so easily.
Fuck.
Guy gulped nervously.
“You going out tonight with friends o–or something?” he frantically adds, suddenly aware of how much he was probably staring amidst his very appropriate train of thought about the person before him. Admittedly, the man was a little bummed that his plans to take them out first (Platonically, of course. How else would it be?) were off the table, though his interest had been piqued by what they were up to being dressed like that.
"Oh, uhm, no. I mean, yeah? Kinda? I'm…" They looked hesitant and a little…embarrassed? Well if it's something they don't want to share then he didn’t mind. Despite how much of a menace he is (with his roommate never failing to lovingly remind him of this), Guy wouldn’t want to force anything out of them, especially if it got them so uncharacteristically timid. He tends to forget such social cues, but he actively tries to improve and avoid being so pushy.
As he was about to reassure them that it was okay to not respond, they replied with a bashfulness that was unlikely of them, “I’m…going on a date.”
A date? With someone else? Romantically? He felt his grip on the door frame tighten, and a sharp pang shot through his heart, silencing his buzzing mind for a split second before managing to fake a curious smile.
“Oh? Who are they? Do I know them?” He liked to think he inquired them out of politeness, like a nosey friend pestering someone about their crush, but the thought of his roommate being alone with someone for the night leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He had the need to asses this person, and determine if they really were worthy of their time—of them—for reasons he isn’t really sure of, it just felt like instinct.
Guy internally cringed. What the fuck does that mean? Why the hell is he thinking like this? Protective! He’s being protective, of course. Any friend would want to protect their friend with things like these! A love life is a huge factor in someone’s happiness after all, right? So he, as a friend, can definitely be wary if someone could be a potential risk of heartbreak for their friend.
Okay, if he thinks of the word ‘friend’ one more time he might actually lose it.
He needed a cold shower. Yeah! He just needs a nice cold shower to shock his brain and stop the weirdest fucking thoughts from ever forming, especially thoughts concerning his roommate that’s currently driving him crazy in every way possible.
“Ah, no, I don’t think so. He’s from my class.” They shrugged, looking to the side awkwardly. “I dont know, he just asked me out yesterday and I figured, ‘Why not?’”
Guy hands began to twitch involuntarily as his roommate smiled at themself, oblivious to the spiral that he was having. "My friends kept on saying I should try letting loose and going out more so I guess it’s about time.”
“Oh, uh, hope you enjoy, then.” God, he feels light-headed.
“Well, isn’t this a first. What, no witty remark? No innuendo about me finally ‘getting some’?” Guy fought the urge to grimace. Somehow those jokes would do nothing but sour his mood even more instead.
“Hey,” The man started, struggling to keep his voice steady. “Can’t I wish a friend good luck on their date?” Friend. The word felt worse and worse the more it festered in his mind. Yeah, that’s what they were. What they’ll ever be. Nothing more.
“Pfft, whatever, man.” The smirk grew wider on their lips. They seem really excited and he shamefully thinks it might make him vomit at how eager they are for this date. He should support them, right? Guy can see how his roommate tends to keep to themself most of the time, especially when Kayla’s with them. So seeing them go out of their comfort zone should have been a relief. He should be happy for them.
Whenever Guy was with them, being happy was easy. So why was he having such a hard time now?
Their grin dropped when they glanced at their watch with widened eyes. “Oh shit, I think I need to go.”
They opened their bedroom door and lifted up their arms from the side in a way to reveal more of what they were wearing. “How do I look?”
Yup, feeling dizzy again. Remember to breathe, Guy.
“Uh, yeah, y–you look great! Really.” Guy put on a strained smile. “Have fun, just don’t miss me too much, though. Might be unbecoming for your date.” He prays to god they don’t notice how his voice wavered at the end.
They rolled their eyes with a familiar chuckle that usually follows whenever he makes a joke, “Pfft, whatever.”
Waving him goodbye as they rush to the exit. “Don’t wait for me when you’re gonna eat dinner, by the way. I might be home late!” One last look on their watch had them walking faster. “Okaygottacatchthebusnowbye–!”
He heard the gentle click of the door shutting and the apartment felt lonelier than what he’s used to.
—
Tap, tap, tap.
“In old legends, tales long forgotten, the sea is often said to be unkind.
The sea’s temper is short, and his rage is felt through the angry swells of the water that eat sailors alive. His strength is tremendous, taking down the tallest of mountains and sinking whole countries with his surging claws. But most of all, his cruel waves do not discriminate, drowning both the wicked and the innocent altogether. He cares not for the last breath he takes from their lungs to fill with salt and water and death.
Despite his hostility, the sea yearns for the moon.
Whenever the moon came down to greet him like an old, treasured friend, the waters still. All is tranquil when the sky and the sea meet. The sea breeze is calm as the children play by the shore. The people were grateful, for the sea had fallen for the beauty in the sky.
But all good things never last.
The sea became selfish. He loathes the time when the moon eventually ascends to the abode of angels, their home. He loathes the loneliness that becomes of him when he can no longer feel the warmth of their glow. His loathing turns into wallowing in sorrow until he decides that he has had enough.
His calm waves suddenly grow with the intent to seize, to take, to keep the jewel of the night for himself. His desire for them to stay overflowed into his foolish actions that had done nothing but have the moon be victim to the harshness he had reserved for men.
The moon wept, and the sea received their tears. He had hurt them. He had hurt them in his act of love. They returned to the skies, burdened to carry the melancholy of a broken heart and the sea remains, afraid to cause more harm.
The moon never came down again.
His attempts to reconnect bear no fruit. A different kind of madness consumed him, wrapping around his very soul like how guilt wraps around the sinners. It’s God’s punishment, he deems, for his covetous ways. To chase for the sky but never touch the clouds, to stretch up to the heavens but never high enough.
He had realized that they could not be attained.
They will not come back for him.
Yet he continues to reach high above, hoping for the blessing of a god birthed by pity. To push his tides to the limit for a chance to be in the moon’s presence once more until the end of time.
It is all but a myth, ancient words that the people of the present cannot truly decipher, but all its messages share the same sentiment;
The sea is…”
“Hm.”
Tap, tap, tap.
“The sea is mysterious?”
“No, no, no…”
Tap, tap, tap.
“The sea is prideful?”
“Ugh, that doesn’t sound right either.”
Tap, tap, tap.
“The sea is spiteful?
Vitriolic?
Rancorous?”
The living room which was once filled with the constant stream of clicking laptop keys came to an abrupt halt. I give up. This whole ‘running away from your issues’ thing really isn’t working.
That same irritating pain still persisted. It was becoming less of an annoyance and more of a discomfort, aching to the point that Guy started to rub his chest a few times in an attempt to soothe it. What is up with me today? Even after the cold shower that he was sure would solve his current predicament, the feeling of unease still lingered.
He figured he might as well do the writing exercises that his professor had assigned a few days ago to distract himself yet it was of no help at all. In fact, it was just fueling the fire of these messy emotions that he had been feeling. His tired eyes closed, fingers circling his throbbing temples, as he racked his mind for something that would best fit the final line. I swear to god it’s at the tip of my tongue!
His mind snapped out of focus after hearing the noise of the door suddenly opening. He managed to haphazardly type a word to try out before it could escape his mind so that he could finally finish this troubling assignment that had opened more problems he had meant to solve.
The sound of heavy footsteps reached his ears and they burned, knowing full well who had just barged in. Speak of the devil. His roommate finally returned along with the sinking feeling in his ribs. They had gotten back from their date. Guy made sure to put on his most convincing smile.
“Hey, roomie! Back already? How was it?”
“Uh, yeah, hi.” They didn’t bother to look at him, ignoring his eager questions while they hastily set down the small bag they brought. Guy sees them navigate through the kitchen to fill up a glass of water and hungrily gulp it down. “I-is Kayla here?”
He frowned, shifting his body to face where they were in the kitchen. “Uh, no. She texted me that she was staying over with her boyfriend. Why?”
“Thank god.”
“Yeah, I know right? So, uh, how’s the date?”
No response came again, His roommate was seemingly distracted by whatever they were scrolling through on their phone but it was clear that they were purposely ignoring him.
“He-ey! I asked how the date was. Did something happen?” They were as timid as they were before. And like before, the unease in his gut grew.
“U-uhm, it was fine.” The man heard them murmur. Why were they so secretive? They seemed frazzled and they were doing that thing where they touched their cheeks to cover their face whenever they got warm because they were…flustered. Are they–? On that date, did they–? Did something happen like that between them and their date?
Unnoticed by his roommate, Guy’s eyes widened. The pain in his chest returned tenfold. This should’ve been a good thing. That means they had a great time. Why is he mad? Why does he get that sinking feeling? Why does he feel so spiteful about it?
“What, no juicy details? Oh, I get it. You’re keeping secrets from me! Not a kiss-and-tell typa person now, are we?”
Maybe it was stupid of him to prod, especially about the one thing that set this rollercoaster of confusing emotions in the first place. But he needs to know. What did they do? How was it? Did they like it— being with him instead of Guy?
They continued to ignore his lighthearted interrogations and Guy knew that he should’ve just dropped it at this point but something in him snapped all of a sudden. He isn’t sure if the agitation that built up had got to him but he couldn’t stop himself from blurting out his next words—harsher than intended.
“Hey, I'm not the selfish one over here who left me all alone inside at a weekend while they got to actually enjoy the night in some fancy restaurant or something. C’mon, spill!”
The lightness in his tone never left. In fact, to anyone else, it would’ve sounded like his usual playful nagging Both of them, however, noticed the shift in the direction of their conversation. (Since when was he one to provoke someone?) He’ll blame it on being in the heat of the moment for now. They understand he was just curious like that, right? All he was sure of was that he needed to know what happened. Why is he mad? Stop being mad. They didn’t do anything wrong.
He noticed their flinch far too late.
“I got stood up, Guy. Was that what you wanted to hear? Because, god forbid, I get to actually go out and do shit for myself!” The acidity of the way they said his name sent chills up to his spine. Their voice was eerily still, its coldness made Guy’s blood freeze. “Because I’m such a selfish asshole to enjoy things for once, right?”
“Oh.”
Oh fuck. He fucked up.
“Yeah, oh,” A dry chuckle left their quivering lips. “Can’t believe I fucking thought he would actually show up. Thought somebody wasn’t fucking around with me for once and I–” They abruptly stood up. The harsh scrape of the chair puts the whole room into an uncomfortable silence.
They weren’t flustered from the date, they were embarrassed. Humiliated. They had probably been waiting for that douchebag to show up only to receive false hope and pitying glances. And he just had to add insult to injury by being when he clearly should’ve just listened, should’ve stopped, should’ve comforted them. He can finally see the tears that began to stream down their face.
“It’s whatever. I’ll be in my room.”
“Fuck, I–I’m sorry. I didn’t know that he–”
But they had already slammed their bedroom door with a force that shook the place. Guy stayed sitting on the couch, all alone once more. Great, you just had to be a dick because of your stupid fucking…feelings about the thought of them spending their time with someone else!
He’s pathetic.
Here he was brooding over his roommate going out on a date only for whoever that moron was to throw away the fucking chance to spend time with them. But maybe he’s the bigger moron in this case. The guilt seeped into his bones and he felt them ache. What is going on with him? He was supposed to be there for them. To be a decent friend. But now, he just ruined their already shitty night more.
Truly pathetic.
His eyes darted to the last line he had typed on his laptop and he held his breath.
"The sea is a jealous being."
The lump in his throat became harder to swallow. He needs to make it up to them.
—
This is stupid. This is fucking stupid.
They should have never gone with it. They should have never accepted that asshole’s offer in the first place.
The faint sounds of an old TV series played from their phone, which had long been abandoned within patterned sheets, accompanied the figure that was currently trembling under the blankets. Stuttering, hiccuped gasps filled the room with a suffocating gloom. They think their hoarse throat couldn’t handle another broken sob to let out, having already cried every single last drop of their wallow out hours ago, their hot cheeks sticky from its tears.
It wasn’t like this was the first time something involving relationships didn’t work out with them. They were used to it. They should be used to it—being left out, avoided, and unwanted. (It’s just a stupid date, it wasn’t even meant to be serious. Why are you making it a big deal? Why are you so affected?)
Why are they so affected by this? What made them think they were all-so-suddenly desirable to someone? Why did they even think they had a shot at all this lovey-dovey shit in the first place?
Stupid, stupid, stupid. They’re shit with expressing their emotions and even shittier with dealing with them. Their outburst a while ago was a testament to that, shouting at Guy when he didn’t know any better. Maybe everything tonight was doomed from the start, then. They should’ve expected the hurt. Heartbreak was far from being a stranger to them at this point.
A tired groan came out of them again.
Tired. They’re so tired.
Hungry rumbles erupted from their stomach. Damn it. Thanks to their ‘date’, they weren’t able to eat. Fuck it. Waiting out until Guy’s in bed and sneaking out of their room to eat would probably be the best option. For now, they stay bundled in their bed—thoughts spiraling, head pounding, eyes swollen, and a heavy heart waiting for its pieces to be picked up again.
Then they’ll sleep it off like always. And then they’ll confront him about it, play it off like it’s another bad day so he’ll stop worrying because they know he will. Everything’s back to normal— they’ll apologize for the overreaction, he’ll joke about it and everybody goes on with their lives again.
Yeah. That could work.
Knock, knock!
“Hello?”
What the–? Ugh. For the love of–
“Hello? Roomie? You there?”
When they wanted to confront the roommate that they snapped at, they didn’t mean right now!
“What do you want, Guy?”
“Can you come out, please? It’s…important.”
They finally stood up from their blanket cocoon, hastily wiping the tears from their eyes to try and ‘shoo’ their roommate away. The door swung open, ready to put on their whole grumpy facade again. “Guy, I’m not really in the mood for–”
“Good evening, prestige customer! Your dinner awaits.”
What.
“Wha-- How did– When did you–?” Not giving any mind to Guy’s abominable impersonation of a British accent nor the messy scrawls of black ink on paper that vaguely resembles a mustache taped to his mouth, their eyes wander around the living room, confused and curious.
The atmosphere was completely different from the bleak apartment they had been enduring for months. Multicolored lights that they usually use for the holidays hung around the area, providing the dim room with enough light to give a dreamy ambiance. The small foldable table set they had for eating was moved to the middle, covered in what they remembered to be Guy’s freshly cleaned checkered blanket that they had just picked up from the laundry when they were doing errands.
On the table were some scented candles in mismatched glass containers, and two servings of a dish they couldn’t recognize. They even noticed faint jazzy music playing in the background to imitate the mood of a pretentiously lavish restaurant.
Overall, the decor clashed together horribly, yet despite that, they’d never seen the apartment so charming. The improvised set-up looks endearingly…cozy.
“Come, let me guide you to your table,” Guy, err, the waiter, dressed in a white longsleeved button-up and apron, led them to the center, pulling out a chair and tucking the napkin he had around the collar of their shirt. The man directed their attention to the ceramics containing what seemed to be their dinner this evening.
“Our main course that the chef has prepared for tonight is a creative twist of a classic European dish composed of a rich tomato-based sauce paired with a unique and innovative pasta shell shape, garnished with traditional Italian herbs and spices.”
“Guy, that’s a bowl of SpagetthiOs with some dried basil sprinkled on top,”
“Shush! Don’t ruin the immersion. And I am not Guy! I’m a waiter! Ahem!” The totally legitimate server who is not their roommate coughed very un-fakely, before composing himself in a more very real professional stance (then again, that might actually be real, seeing that he also serves the tables at Max’s when he’s not out delivering).
“I believe your date has returned. A very dashing fellow if I do say so myself, consider yourself lucky!” Guy suddenly ducked down out of view (though they could very much see him all the same) removing the mustache and button-up to reveal a shirt with a tacky tuxedo print on it.
He stood up, fixed a few strands of his hair that stuck up from his sudden movement, and looked at the person in front of him with a beaming expression.
“Hey, honey! Just got back from the restroom. Wow! The food looks amazing!”
All ‘Honey’ could do was stare dumbfoundedly before covering their smiling mouth with a trembling hand. A small chuckle became a bemused giggle until eventually they were full-on belly-laughing.
“H-Honey? Really? Where did you even get that from? And what the hell are you w-wearing?” Their voice shook, unable to contain any semblance of composure. This whole situation felt like it was pulled straight from a rom-com.
Guy laughed with them as he sat down to his side of the table. “Oh, so you like it? The nickname…came to me naturally. Feel like it suits you a lot, seeing how sweet you are to me, right?”
Honey, huh? They wouldn’t mind him calling them that.
“Also, I don’t know what you’re talking about! I think I look the most classy I’ll ever be!”
“Well, I’m underdressed then.” Their laughter had died down, slowly processing everything going on, well, it made them want to cry. All of this, for them? It’s too much trouble to go through.
“Nah, you’re fine! And besides, you look pretty all the time—which by the way, is absolutely not fair! I’m supposed to be the hot roommate here!” He declared with a mock offended tone as he sassily put his hands on his hips. Honey hoped he wouldn’t notice how their cheeks burned at how casually he called them ‘pretty’, like it was second nature.
“Then again, I wouldn’t mind if you underdress some more, ehh–”
It was his comfortingly familiar lewd quips, something they didn’t realize they missed hearing, yet why did their eyes water instead? The sobs that they weren’t aware they had been keeping in broke their dam again. Their cheeks must’ve grown tired from their crying all night, but this time, these weren’t tears for some dickhead that ditched them.
The abrupt stop of laughter and panicked sputtering from Guy after hearing their croaky sniveling would have had Honey laughing if they weren’t already struggling to breathe from their convulsive crying. “Oh, fuck! Uh, okay, sorry! I’m sorry! Bad timing! I shouldn’t have joked–”
“No, no, Guy, I’m sorry I–” They let out a shaky breath. “Wh–why did you go through all the trouble for me? I-I snapped at you and I don’t–,” hands wildly gestured around their surroundings. “–deserve all of this! I don’t– I’m so sorry I–”
“Hey, no, don’t apologize. You deserve this, okay? If someone like Kayla gets to share a night with her boyfriend then you, out of all people, deserve to spend your weekend having a great time and I won’t let some jerk ruin that for you,” He looked at Honey in the eyes with a sincerity that involuntarily made them shiver.
It’s not often that Guy was this serious with them. It was only reserved for moments when it was late at night and their teasing and gossip turned into deeper talks about anything and everything. They forgot how intense the look in his pretty eyes could get, how it felt like he saw through them, through their very being.
“I’m…one of those jerks, too. I really shouldn’t have said those words to you. You’re not selfish or an asshole. Your date was the asshole for not showing up and that’s a reflection on him rather than yourself. I just sprouted out those stupid things because I was just…bitter that you had your own plans when I really didn’t have the right to be.” Among other things. He decided not to bring up the other messy emotional stuff in his head. It’s not what they need to hear right now. “I’m really sorry for pushing you. I…really hope that you can forgive me but I would understand if you won’t.”
“I forgive you, Guy. Thank you for… for all of this. It really means a lot.”
They shared a tender smile as they continued their chatting with their dinner. By the time they cleaned the dishes and put everything back in its original place, the pair plopped down on the soft cushions of their sofa. Guy shifted himself into a better position to face Honey.
“I’m surprisingly still not sleepy. What else do you wanna do for tonight?”
“Hm…Smash?”
“Honey! How scandalous! Take me out to dinner first! Oh, well technically, I already did, so I guess your wish is my command after all—Ow!”
“I meant the game, you freak!”
---
THIS FIC TOOK SOOOOO LONG i was so close to giving it up BUT WE'RE HERE EYYYY also this was suppose to have a bonus scene but ehhhh idk where i was going with it
rlly rlly hope you enjoyed ;--; i'm still not rlly happy with how i wrote this but there are some parts that i rlly like so i decided to post it HAHAHAHA feel free to give me feedback :DD and have a nc day/night!!
#redacted audio#redacted guy#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted honey#redacted fanfic#sten writes!#FINALLYYYYY#LIKE THIS TOOK SO LONG ITS NOT FUNNYYY#literally ruined my sleep sched BUT EYYY#i like the guy writing assignment part nyeheheh#haha get the title...bitter melon bc guy's bitter and green (with jealousy) hahahahha#thinking up the title took so long also i just thought that the word melon looks cute
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Burn & Burn Again (Male Yandere!Writer x GN!Reader)
feat. Sun Vasileiou Nevrakis
♡ pt.1, approx. 1.2k words | prev. | next.
♡ post-specific warnings: reader is slightly self-depreciating, very short innuendos, mentions of cannibalism, mentions of people going missing | series warnings: yandere themes, reader is a horrendous flirt
♡ a/n: this is purely a work of fiction. yandere behaviour in real life is a cause of concern. unedited, not proofread.
♡♡♡
Eventually, you did ask him what little questions you remembered after being rendered speechless by his attractiveness for a while. You talked for hours, actually; he'd warmed up to you, and you'd finally managed to stop making a fool of yourself, for the most part. At one point, you even managed to bring up a topic that had been the centre of many online discussions.
His love life.
If you said you were surprised to hear he didn't have one, well, that would be an understatement. In hindsight, the way you'd gawked at him at his reply was a little unnecessary and overly dramatic. It's not like every conventially attractive person on earth had a partner, or didn't struggle to find one. Hell, some people weren't even interested in love, attractive or not. You were so stupid, honestly.
In any case, Sun had timidly admitted that he was single and had always been. To which you dumbly said you could change. You actually slapped yourself physically when you let those words slip. Luckily, it seemed to humour him more than creep him out.
He'd said that he'd never really felt romantically attracted to anyone before, even though there had been no shortage of people asking him out. At one point, he mused, he entertained the idea that he was strictly platonic, but came to terms with the fact that he actually really wanted to go on cute bookstore dates and visit cafés with someone that would make his heart flutter. Well, he certainly made your heart flutter.
He concluded that he just hadn't met the right person yet, and you decided to shoot your shot before he could finish his sentence. You'd give him butterflies and birds. That didn't paint the most desirable picture, but he agreed nonetheless, red to his neck.
You were so overjoyed, you almost left without actually getting his contact details, and Sun grabbed your sleeve hastily to stop you. You thought the way he scrambled to let you go, stuttering an apology and flushing from embarrassment was positively endearing. He pulled his phone from his pocket and that was how you managed to get his number and a date scheduled for the weekend.
You grinned happily as you thought about it all, rolling over in your bed and opening your messaging app. There were a few texts from Bea, who you were just dying to spill the beans to. Although, however much it hurt you to keep secrets from her, Sun had wanted to keep things as private as possible. It was understandable given his popularity and the lengths that certain people went to get any information on him. For now, you just had to pretend that you didn't have anything going on behind the scenes, and if you did get together sometime in the future, Bea would be the first to know. You promised yourself that.
After sending her a few memes you'd found funny, you were clicking on Sun's contact, fingers hovering over your keyboard without any idea what to text him. You'd exchanged greetings and decided a date, but that was about it. What you really wanted was to break some of the ice now. You were decidedly less of a bumbling idiot when you were behind a screen and could filter your words.
You: It's pretty warm today, huh?
You hit send, fairly satisfied with how smooth that sounded in your head. A reply came a few minutes later.
Sun: it's minus thirteen degrees?
Sun: there's snow.
Your self-contented smile dropped at that. Ugh, you were so uncool. It was the middle of winter. How could you forget?
You: Ahahaha. No, I meant I'm pretty warm today.
You cringed at yourself, typing out another message to try and come back from the disaster your thought-to-text filter was.
You: Hot.
You: I'm hot.
You: Because of you.
Sun's typing bubble popped up on your screen, and you were just about ready to scream. Why did it sound like you were trying to make a move on him?! To be honest, you were. But that was in general, not right now!
Sun: ???
For how long he was typing, those three question marks did not suffice. Clearly, he was at just as much of a loss of words as you were, and he was a writer. You had so blown it.
Sun: you must be nervous again
Sun: relax. take your time. it's only me.
Yes, the whole issue was that it was only him and he was literally perfect. Still, he was giving you a chance to redeem yourself. Oh, he was almost as sweet as Bea.
You: Sorry, sorry.
You: I just wanted to ask how you are.
You: I don't know what's wrong with me.
You nibbled on your nails, waiting for him.
Sun: haha, it's okay.
Sun: you asked in the end, right?
Sun: i'm okay, hbu?
Shit. Shit, how were you supposed to respond to that. You quickly switched to your browser and searched suave replies to people asking how you are. Trusty internet.
You: I'm okay too.
You: Just sitting around.
You: Ahaha.
Oh no, that last bit wasn't a part of the article you skipped through. Y/N, why did you have to do the stupid awkward-laugh-thing over text now, too? Actually, you did it a few messages ago as well. You were hopeless.
Sun: then
Sun: wanna go out w/ me?
Sun: there's a place i wanna visit for writing inspo
Your face lit up. He was totally asking you on a date! Maybe you'd managed to charm him with your oddness, and he couldn't wait until the weekend to meet you again. Regardless of the reason, you were quick to send an affirmative reply and get up to rifle through your wardrobe for a flattering outfit to wear.
♡♡♡
"So..." you gulped, "an abandoned circus, huh?"
"Yeah." Sun turned his head to you, beaming as though he hadn't just invited you to explore a crime scene with him. "This was the grounds of the travelling circus where patrons began going missing in 1997. None of the people have been found to this day."
You shuddered visibly. You'd watched a documentary on this place a few years ago with Bea. Apparently, it was suspected to be the base of operations for a cannibalistic organisation. All the police and relevant forces who'd been dispatched to the field all went missing, too, so investigations had to be suspended. The entire area had been abandoned shortly after news had gotten out about the incidents and hadn't been used since. Your gut was telling you this wasn't a good idea — you really didn't want to die.
Taking a deep breath, you started on your excuse. "Y'know, I just remembered-"
"Let's hold hands, 'kay?" Sun cut you off, intertwining his long fingers with yours and effectively causing your brain to short-circuit from the close contact. He was so warm. "It's okay to be scared, but I'll protect you." He smiled at you, squeezing your palm firmly and leaning down to whisper, "all these muscles aren't just for show, after all."
You choked on the saliva that had gathered at the back of your throat, glad that you at least saved some face by not drooling at the sliver of skin exposed to you from his low-neck shirt. That, in itself, was a miracle. "Okay." You relented easily, all caution thrown to the wind like a fart dissipating. Now that it had been brought to your attention, Sun was tall and looked very strong. It would be fine.
What's the worst that could happen?
#redw.rites#redw.ritesocs#redw.ritesyandere#redw.ritessfw#yandere#yandere x reader#x reader#gn reader#yandere oc#oc#my ocs#reader insert#male yandere#male oc#male!oc#yan x reader
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Heart Made of Flesh
Hello @echos-girlfriend! I'm your Secret Santa for @cloneficgiftexchange! I really hope you enjoy it :) @ghostofskywalker, thank you for setting this up!
Anyone else who reads, I hope you enjoy it too! Reblogs and comments welcome :)
Warnings: Talk of insecurity, self depreciation, allusions (very light) to suggestive behavior, talk of blood and wounds
Summery: You and Echo are more similar than you let on. You have a mechanical arm but don’t want that to be the only reason he connects with you. You also just don’t know how to tell him how you feel. A mission gone wrong should fix that for you, right?
You bit your lip harder, unconsciously drawing blood. You didn’t mean to stare but they just wouldn’t stop.
And it was rather annoying.
You tried to keep your gaze on your glass, multiple times forcing your eyes down, your breathing even, minding your own business but that just wasn’t working.
You and the Batch had gone to Cid’s for drinks after a particularly long mission. You all were tired, hungry, dirty—and apparently a little testy. Or at least that is what your case was. Most of the boys sat at a table in the center of the floor while you opted for the counter. It was getting a little uncomfortable, so you thought the boys wouldn’t notice your shifting or rotating your ‘arm’ if you were a little distance away. They definitely weren’t noticing you with all those pretty girls flirting with them.
Not too long ago, (but too long in your opinion) a Torgrutan, two Twi'leks and two human women came into Cid’s bar, for what was uncertain. They spotted the table of fine young men and immediately started flirting. Even though the boys tried to brush them off, they didn’t leave. Well the boys could have tried harder, the sour thought emerged from the dark, bitter place in the corner of your mind. You couldn’t help it. You knew you were being unfair but…
“You don’t look too good.” Omega broke through the mud in your mind, concerned eyes searched your face. “Are you ok?”
That was the other reason you felt they could have tried harder. Omega was right here sitting with you. (Granted they were Cid’s patrons and she threatened you bunch often enough about not scaring people away—or she’d deduct your pay and Hunter needed every credit he earned for his squad. You knew the boys were in an uncomfortable spot but still.)
You sighed. “Thanks hun, I’m fine.” You ruffled her hair, a burning sensation creeping up from your gut to your chest. Bile rumbled uncomfortably in your stomach, mixing with the alcohol and threatening your gag reflexes with acid. Not good. It wasn’t her fault you were feeling like her babysitter just so the guys could have fun. You loved Omega and wanted to spend time with her usually; her company was always a delight. This unusual resentment had a selfish stem and you knew it. It was because those strange women were flirting openly and carelessly with the man you had fallen deep, deep down for, but never had the courage to confront. The fact that they were spending time with someone close to you that by all rights…should be yours.
Yet he wasn’t. So you really didn’t have a right to feel that way. But you did. Shocker.
“Hey beautiful, I have an idea…” the Twi’lek whispered something in Echo’s ear, causing him to blush. He let his mouth open, shocked. You didn’t have to hear what she said to know what was implied, a subtle rage now coursing through your veins. Thank the Force Omega was oblivious.
You gripped the glass in your hand.
And shattered it.
Omega gasped at the soft crackle and crink. The pieces falling all around your hand and embedding themselves deep into the thick gloves you were wearing.
“Are you alright?” Omega’s eyes were blown out, hands covering her mouth in horror at the damage your right hand must be undergoing.
“On second thought, I am heading back to the ship. Go get Bolo to play a game of Djarik with you. Or better yet, ask one of your brothers. I need some air.” You got up quickly, hiding your hand that should be bleeding but wasn’t.
Without turning around, you left the bar. So, you didn’t see the commotion you left behind.
— — — —
You straddled Tech’s workbench, your own set of tools spread out before you. The tiny tools you carried with you at all times in case all the intricate wires in your false, mechanical arm needed to be fixed, fused or fidgeted with. You creased your brows in frustration, watching the yellow sparks fly as you worked the glass carefully from where it was embedded. A sewing kit was carelessly sitting at your side, as you’d have to fix your ruined glove as well. Sometimes you forgot what strength was in this arm.
You lost your right arm as a child. You’d learned how to cope with it and make it a “normal” part of your life. But a little part of you still was insecure about it so you’d always found a way to cover it up, hiding it physically and mentally from those around you, especially those closest to you. You’d only known the Batch since they came to work for Cid, but since then you grew close to them. And the closer you got, the harder it was to admit your insecurity, wondering if it would change their perception of you.
Ah crap. You felt the sharp edges pull from your false sensors and you cringed, clenching your jaw.
“Let me see that hand of yours.” A familiar husky voice broke through your brooding.
“Blow off, Hunter.”
Hunter was the only one who knew about your mechanical arm. He could smell the oil you used to keep it well functioning even though you custom made it to be without scent. His darn enhanced senses picked it up anyway, and thus you let him in on your little secret albeit reluctantly. It wasn’t by your choice how it came about…You knew he knew but he never brought it up…Until the night he found you trying to repair your arm after sustaining an injury. Your face was so red that first night he walked in on you, tears barely being held back while you tried in vain to fix it yourself in the dead middle of the night, he knew how important it was that no one knew.
“Ah, you’re just saying that.” he teased, letting the ghost of a smile appear. Hunter straddled the workbench facing you and grabbed your wrist, gently pulling it toward himself. He kept his gaze down, hyperfocused on rewiring your hand correctly and pulling the shrapnel from the fine work of machinery.
You looked up annoyed and sighed dramatically with a roll of your eyes. He smirked but otherwise stayed silent. You matched his quietness with an ante of sulkiness.
“You should just talk to him about how you feel, you know.”
“You don’t understand. NONE of you do! It’s not the same for me as it is for you guys. When men look at this, they automatically see me as incomplete and undesirable. Do you know how…how…” you choked up, swallowing hard. “You men always have an air of awe when there is a wound but a woman? I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is.”
“That’s not fair.” Hunter wasn’t one to sugar coat. “And you know it.”
You did, so you sucked on your swollen lip instead.
“Echo would understand, though. Wouldn’t you feel better being able to talk to him about some of this?”
“I know he does. He probably is the only one who does. But I don’t want to be pitied. And worse off, I don’t want him to like me just because we’re similar. I want him to like me for me…the way I love him for him.” You nearly whispered that last part.
Hunter sighed and gently said your name.
“Look, I’m sorry that we all made you uncomfortable and that we don’t understand what it is like. I really am.”
You looked up and saw his eyes searching the floor, as if it would give him the answer. His genuine concern melted your bitterness away, just like the night he’d found you.
“Hunter, it’s ok. I’m sorry too. You didn’t deserve that…I’m out of sorts and took it out on you; which was wrong. You may not understand but you’ve always tried to make me feel valued… and you never treated me differently, which I appreciate. Thank you.”
“Hey, I learned it from the best…that’s Echo, I mean. I learned it from Echo.”
A smile pulled at your lips. “Sure you did.”
— — — —
You didn’t think anyone would notice your absence but it most definitely was. Everyone heard the glass shatter, Hunter immediately slipped away slyly to check on you with a quick “I got this” and Omega ran right to Echo. She initially reached out to help you but you were faster in your quick departure. He stood up so fast, with such an angry outburst, worried about what happened (you shattered a kriffing glass in your hand?!) and it frightened the ladies away.
He felt concern rising from somewhere in his chest, written clearly on his brow. He took a step but Omega held onto his hand.
“Hunter said she was ok.”
“She’s hurt, I should go check on her…”
Granted, he knew how private of a person you were. You didn’t let anyone near you—ever—when you were injured, but your hand must be torn to shreds…he winced at the ghost pain that flared up in his own. He flexed it a few times to convince himself the cold, sharp shards he felt were in his mind and not real. His hand wasn’t really bleeding. It wasn’t hurt….he took a deep breath.
Echo needed to make sure you were ok. Even if you didn’t want to be helped…
“Echo, why don’t you just talk to her about how you feel?”
Echo eyed his large younger brother but found no hint of humor in Wrecker’s question. Instead, he saw that gentle gaze of honesty in his eyes.
“Because she deserves better. Plus, she’s not even interested. I don’t want to ruin our friendship by blabbering how I feel.”
“Did you notice the glass she shattered was only after that suggestive comment was made to you.” Tech adjusted his goggles. “She’s heard people flirt with us before on various missions and occasions. There is a special scowl that only appears when such an occurrence happens to you. She thinks she hides it well but she doesn’t. She never has such a negative reaction until you show up, Echo.”
“How is that relevant?”
“Are you asking a serious question?” Tech blinked. “Or are you trying to be jocular.”
“I literally have no clue what you are saying or trying to imply!” Echo threw his hands up, scowling in his voice as well as his expression.
“You don’t? Or don’t want to?” Wrecker raised his eyebrow.
Echo crossed his arms and tapped his foot.
“Echo, perhaps…” Omega nervously wrung her hands, obviously trying not to upset him, “maybe it would be better to say something sooner rather than later. Life’s too unpredictable. One day the person you care about is there and the next, they’re gone. Wouldn’t it be better to let that person know they’re loved than regretting never telling them?”
Echo sighed, shoulders dropping in a tired slump.
“Maybe you’re right,” he chuckled and ruffled her hair, “when’d you become so wise?”
“Eh, always was. Nice of you to notice.”
“So, you will take advice from Omega, and not us?” Tech fought a smirk.
“Yeah what’s with that?” Wrecker chimed in, visibly pleased.
“Didn’t you hear? Omega is the wisest.”
Echo ran his hand down his face with a sigh of anticipation. He knew he had to do this soon, but….a little time wouldn’t hurt right? He needed the right words.
— — — —
It was a few rotations later and the Batch was assigned a new mission from Cid…and Echo still hadn’t said anything to you. He pointedly ignored his brothers’ silent prompts and either sighed or shrugged at Omega with a “it’s not a good time” or “I don’t know what to say yet.”
The job was a two parter.
Hunter paired you up with Echo for the intel, Tech would stay on the ship with Omega to be ready for a quick get away, while Wrecker and Hunter went for the cargo that was demanded. None of you knew what the two pieces had in common, especially on a pirate ship, but you were getting paid a good price. Hunter initially wanted to turn down the job but the credits were needed, and Cid didn’t give much room for negotiation.
“You ready?” Echo had some strain in his voice.
“Yeah, how hard can an extraction be?” You shrugged. “It’ll be fine.”
Echo opened his mouth and shut it a few times, flustered, searching for words.
“Just keep your head up.” He finally said, putting on his helmet and hiding his face. Not really what you wanted to hear…he sighed then walked away. You stood there for a few minutes, digesting the strange conversation. Echo never acted this weird before a mission.
You wanted to ask him about it but never got the chance, it was time to board.
— — — —
Something went wrong. Hunter and Wrecker gave you and Echo the signal they had the cargo but you were still getting the intel. They headed back to the ship to make sure the crate was secure. Apparently, from the sounds of Wrecker’s grunting, it was heavy.
“Echo, come on, hurry up!” You trained your blaster down the halls, looking left and right. Your brows scrunched up and sweat beaded your forehead.
“Almost got it. Be patient.” he snapped back.
“Echo…I have a strange feeling. I don’t like this.” You turned to see your reflection staring back at you with a strange expression on Echo’s visor. His head was turned at a curious angle, his breathing slightly heavier. He always took your feelings seriously; at better times he joked that they rivaled the Jedi’s ‘feelings’.
“Okay, hold tight.”
Was there slight fear in his voice?
“Echo?” Now your breathing started to increase rapidly. You’d never felt this unsettled on a mission.
You didn’t have time to ponder more, shots came out of nowhere. You threw yourself in front of Echo and started firing back.
Karking pirates.
“I got it! Let’s go!” You felt Echo pull his scomp out of the portal and wrap his arm around your waist. You’ve done this move before. There was a door next to you. You’d just roll over each other into the other room…but something caught your eye. The door opened, a sneaky pirate trying to get at Echo from the back. He raised his arm to aim and…
Bam!
The shot went off; but before it did, you twisted yourself in front of Echo. Shots rang out (you assumed Echo shot the man behind you) in unison with your scream. You heard Echo shouting your name in panic, pulling your writhing body behind the door, and barricading you on the other side. His calls went from panic to insistent now, then confused. He expected blood…not sparks.
You peeled your eyes open and brought your other hand up to detach your arm. The flames crawling up to your brain telling you your arm was shreds immediately stopped. You heaved a breath and sat up.
“Shoot.” You mumbled, looking at the shambles your arm was in. How many times had that pirate shot it?
“Hey, you ok?” Echo removed his helmet and his eyes were searching your body. “What were you doing? You could have gotten killed!” Despite his reprimand, his voice was soft, probably still processing what happened.
“I was thinking I didn’t want to see you dead.”
“I don’t want you dead either.”
“J-just he-lp me, will you?” You started scooping up the pieces into your pack. Echo quickly came to help.
“Your balance will be off a little, will you be ok if I rigged the ship?”
“Yeah, yeah,” still trying to catch your breath, you wanted to give an air of confidence though, “go for it.”
Echo stuck his hand back into the scomp and commed the boys. You tuned it out, the world (the ship) around you starting to shake. You knew you were spiraling but you couldn’t stop it.
He knew. Now what was going to happen? He took that rather well. He was sort of ignoring it and you didn’t know if you were relieved or upset.
And…how lucky were you that it was that arm, and not your good one?
You hugged your pack. It felt a little morbid carrying pieces of your arm in your pack. It was mechanical but still. It had been a part of you for so long, it was so strange. Echo’s hand appeared on your shoulder, giving it a grounding squeeze.
“We have to get to the hanger! They’ll meet us there!”
Your musings would have to wait.
— — — —
The ship was falling apart. Explosions wrecking the hangar and surrounding you and Echo with fire, causing the ship to shake and the floor to become unstable.
“Echo look out!” Your warning came too late. Echo was knocked off his feet from an explosion next to him. The force pushed him out the hanger and plummeting toward the earth below. You cried out in terror, shrieking as you threw yourself toward the edge. Echo had grappled onto a loose piece of the ship. You wrapped your legs around some metal beams where the wall of the ship was blown away. You then balanced your body so it could support the extra weight of the one you were trying to reach. It was difficult not having the balance of your other arm.
“Take my hand!” You shouted above the din.
“No! If I do you’ll fall too! I can’t let you die!”
“Why not? I can’t let you die either, you idiot!”
“What do you mean ‘why not?”
“Just shut up and take my hand or I swear I’ll jump.”
Echo didn’t move so you started shimming closer, loosening your grip a little. That seemed to spook him so he darted his hand in your direction. You stretched out your hand further to meet his and gripped him hard as he let go. You were now his only lifeline.
“Alright! You are so stubborn.”
“Only because I love you, you idiot.”
“You’ve said that….wait, you love me?”
It was almost as if you could see the look of shock through his helmet. You started to chuckle, looking at his dazed dangling form. The piece he was hanging from fell not two minutes later.
“You’ll have to climb…I can’t pull you up!”
Darn fine time to lose your arm again.
You felt like your rib cage splitting in two from the pressure. You couldn’t remember the last time your breathing felt so constrained. Every breath in stretched your chest impossibly farther, trying to lift the invisible bantha sitting there, every exhale set your chest on fire. Echo’s hand gripped your good arm and his scomp dug into your flesh. You wanted to cry out but couldn’t. An invisible hand gripped your throat as you pulled, trying to get him to the ledge.
Then Echo slipped a little. Another explosion went off and jolted you. You had to fight hard to keep your grip even if your balance was lost.
“Co-ome o-ohn Eeekoo, don’t. Give. Up. Climb!”
“Mesh’la, you have to let me go. I’m too heavy. Save yourself. I need you to be safe.”
“D-don’t you dare gih-ive up.” Tears were streaming down your eyes now and you didn’t care. “Don’t ask me to do that.”
Echo’s grip loosened a little, and your heart, already overworked, started to increase its speed. “I can’t let you die either; because I love you too. I’ve loved you so long and should’ve told you. I’m sorry. I just thought…”
“Echo, don’t let go, please.”
“Mesh’la…”
“Echo, stop speaking gibberish and use the strength to climb instead of talk!”
You had to imagine the smile on Echo’s face. You felt the hardened grip return, along with the agonizing feeling of being split in half. You started to count to keep yourself calm.
“One…two…three…”
The world around you was falling away. Not just literally from the sky but the ceiling and walls started to blur, black clouded the edges of your vision.
“Seven…eight…nine…”
Then a buzzing sound broke through the haze. It sounded familiar…close…Echo whooped. It got closer…and closer…then the lights and hum of The Marauder announced its saving presence. You heard the hatch open and the shouts of the others. Echo’s grip suddenly disappeared and his weight was gone. Air forced its way into your lungs in a gasp. You wanted to call out to Echo but your energy was gone. You heaved and started to lift yourself.
Until a chunk of metal came falling down, smashing your body.
Shoot.
You couldn’t move. Your body crushed to the floor, the ship started to shift, gravity pulling you out the door. Your head slammed against another falling object, hard enough to draw blood, dizzying enough to disorient you, but not enough to knock you out. The taste of copper made itself known to your tongue, soon your whole mouth felt the presence of a hot liquid. The black specks returned. They danced and spun, swirling with the flames as your world tilted.
Your body started to slide in the opposite direction, a hot sticky trail left in your wake. You clamped your eyes shut and found you couldn’t open them.
Well this is it…
Footsteps skidded next to you, shouting grated against the complaining durasteel that creeped and groaned as it was ripping apart, the durasteel was lifted from your body. Strong arms wrapped themselves around you, the distinct feeling of a hand cradling your head and the hard inflexibility of a scomp supporting you. A gentle voice you’d know anywhere whispered:
“Hey, if I’m not allowed to fall, you aren’t either.”
You started to chuckle but a coughing fit replaced the giggle.
“Y-you got to go before the whole thing falls.”
“I’m not leaving you. We end this thing together. Hold on. It’ll be okay, okay? Just stay with me here.”
“Th-e world i-is black…Echo…”
His name stumbling out your mouth was the last thing to ring in your ears.
— — — —
You had the various pieces of your false arm scattered about, fidgeting with a piece here and there but not really doing anything with it. The despondency you felt starting from scratch made you wonder if it was even worth it. You reached up and felt around the stump on your shoulder. The uneven scars, the healed over tissue, the ghost of what was, teasing you in their silent haunting.
Your hand then slipped to your bandaged ribs. Apparently, according to Wrecker (talking excitedly while Echo blushed feverishly in silence), Echo had let himself down onto the boarding ramp and looked up expecting you to follow. When you didn’t, he jumped back up without a second thought onto the unsteady, crashing doomed ship and watched helplessly as…well Wrecker didn’t make you relive it. That was nice of him.
Echo apparently also didn’t let anyone touch you, too busy bandaging you up himself, barking orders at everyone to get the supplies he needed to wrap your middle and head.
Wrecker said he’d never seen Echo so “frantic”. It was hard to imagine as Echo was only ever calm….don’t worry, Wrecker re-enacted it for you (until Hunter ushered him through a door and left you alone with the man almost combusting from embarrassment.
“Don’t worry,” Omega whispered to him before slipping out herself, “she already knows. And don’t mind Wrecker, he’s just happy it’s finally happening.”
The memory faded and the silk between your ribs and fingers became real again. Echo hadn’t said anything to you. He’d only taken your hand and squeezed it tight, not looking you in the eye for the longest time.
“I may have a body of steel…but I’ve got a heart made of flesh, believe it or not, it’s real. And it’s yours. It beats for you. Don’t forget that, please. We’re the same, and I couldn’t have loved you more. I wish you could have told me about it…because I know.”
With the whisper he left. Despite the ship being small, he had avoided you for an entire rotation already. You knew he was around, you’d heard Hunter talking to him, but you didn’t seek him out.
You looked down uncertainly at your project again and sighed heavily.
Maybe remaking it isn’t an option. You could ask Tech or Hunter…in a few days. You didn’t feel like this now…maybe you shouldn’t fix it at all. Maybe this was the key to stop working for Cid.
The door opened with a whoosh, footsteps clomping a path toward you. A body slumped on the floor next to you and you felt Echo’s leg brush your own. The contact made your heart leap, eyes darting toward him to find his signature smirk on his face. You scowled and looked away. Your throat was sore and the lump you swallowed only made you feel pitiful.
“I’m sorry…I needed time. Thank you for giving that to me.”
You nodded, eyes ahead.
“Hunter told me why you didn’t tell me…I figured that but hearing it also pushed me out of my slump. I know you didn’t owe me anything, not an explanation or anything, but I can’t let a moment go by without telling you that this doesn’t change how I see you….I was hurt that you thought I’d …. well it does and it doesn’t, let me start there. It doesn’t because I love you, but it does because I know how brave you’ve been. How could I not admire that! You’re beautiful to me no matter what. Don’t doubt your worth or your beauty which is more than superficial because of this.”
You choked on a sob and Echo brought his arm around slowly, giving you time to shrug him off if you wanted or to move away. Instead, you leaned into his touch.
He leaned close to your ear. “Tell me where to start and we’ll have it back together in no time.”
“I-I don’t think I can, Echo.”
Tears started to well in your eyes. You couldn’t do this again.
“I…I’m so tired. Of all of it.”
“You don’t have to do this alone; we will do it together.”
Echo took his real hand with his real fingers and entwined them with your own real hand. You could feel the warmth through his gloves and it went right to your heart. The courage that fled you long ago started to return. Your throat was swollen, so you nodded instead, lips turning up in a smile.
“Together.”
“But first, I have to finish fixing something else…”
You looked at him confused, cocking your head to the side, eyes still glistening from the unshed sorrow.
He chuckled but his next words came out airy and nervous.
“Your heart…”
He leaned in slowly, soft lips latching onto yours. He smiled when you gasped and nearly laughed when you pulled him closer, hand gripping his collar like your lifeline.
“Hey, stop laughing. You have a lot of fixing to do.” You mumbled against his lips.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Yeah, the arm could wait.
Both your hearts needed some healing, and a kiss was the perfect medicine.
#reader insert#echo x reader#echo x female reader#echo x you#tbb hunter#tbb tech#tbb wrecker#tbb omega#tbb x reader#tbb echo#clone force 99#fanfiction#fanfic#the bad batch#angst with a happy ending#angst and fluff#fluff and angst
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NATLA Episode 6 - Masks (3/5)
[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]
An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.
Of course, full spoilers ahead.
<previous/next>
Love that they expand the convo between Aang and Zuko and give a reason for not immediately heading to save Sokka and Katara (whom were currently dying of thirst and fever in the animated show) - fire nation soldiers were still searching around. In the animated version, Aang just stays with Zuko until morning for…some reason? while his friends are dying.
Everything Zuko does is such a great choice, acting wise. He really acts like a teen trying to convince people he's badass and confident - which to the teen, is done in totally legitimate ways while us olds can see right through that mask and see how insecure and inexperienced with what true confidence is. Again with the masks, Zuko over-acts to convince others (and himself) that he's strong and can do it alone - hence him slapping away Aang's hand he stretches out to help Zuko. It's honestly a funny scene because we can see how petulant and ridiculous him slapping away a helping hand is, but with Zuko's past and how he's been taught to be strong alone - yet never actually has gotten any solid teaching on HOW to do that - Zuko sees it as a reasonable reaction.
I think it was a really great move to expand his and Aang's conversation here. In the animated series, Aang only talks about Kuzon and what life was like for Aang before and how much he misses it. Here, Aang talks TO and WITH Zuko rather than just talking AT him. Aang starts by appraising him of the situation - there are guards patrolling the woods so they need to hunker down for the moment, then he tries to help, then just sits with Zuko - close, and facing him rather than in a corner. He shows Zuko that he's actually confident, not afraid of Zuko, and not intending to be antagonistic either. Aang sets the tone as only Aang can: one that's genuinely kind and open, wanting to talk the issues through, not solve it with threats or violence. Then he opens with a disarming question - one meant to connect the two of them, to humanize himself to Zuko and show that he sees Zuko as another person, not just an enemy, too. It's just SO AANG!
That's always been Aang's superpower - like Katara said back on Kyoshi Island: it's his ability to connect with people that makes him so special. Especially thrust into a world that's been at war for 100 years, that wears on EVERYONE, people are done trying to play nice, it's hit now and hit hard - no diplomacy is going to work because it hasn’t worked for 100 years. Aang doesn’t have that baggage. He really is a man out of time - and he uses that to his advantage here.
He tries it other places and it rarely works, but with Zuko, it can. Aang starts with a question that looks like it's going one direction, but veers into something so beautifully mundane. When he asks if it's ok to ask 'a personal question', everyone's (and probably Zuko's too) thought goes to the scar - it's the big thing that 'different' about him, that defines him, just as so many people with visible differences/disabilities know. "Can I ask how you became blind? How you lost your leg? What it's like living with Down Syndrome?" All those questions about, usually, not the things people are so proud of (not that they're ashamed, per se, but like, why talk about a missing leg when we can talk about their artwork, ya know?) or want to sit around and chat about. But Aang veers left - what type of hair do you use for your calligraphy brush?
Aang opens with an off-kilter question, then follows up with a compliment: "your characters are so neat", then some self-depreciating humor "I can never get mine like that. The monks used to say lemur droppings were more legible than my brush strokes". It's just impossible to not be put at ease by him talking to Zuko like a person - finding common ground, mundane and 'insignificant' as it is, but Zuko doesn't crack - yet. I think it was great that they used Zuko's notebook not just as a convenient goober to get Aang the info he needed in a neat little package, but to bring it back as a point of connection between him and Zuko - Zuko's desperation to end his banishment helped Aang.
Something so important to Zuko did genuine good and helped the person he was hunting - and he was GENUINELY thanked for it. Not only thanked for it, but he got an actual apology from Aang about stealing it - I wonder how many times Zuko had ever been apologized to after someone hurt him or stole his things.
Zuko stays stone-faced, but he's not angry - he doesn't look away either. To me, it feels like he's trying hard to calculate how he thinks he's SUPPOSED to react to Aang telling him this. I think he wants to be proud of his work, of Aang telling him that he has info on past Avatars no one else has, how Aang stayed up long nights reading his work, how it really has helped him. Here's someone who is genuinely telling Zuko that his work is good - not just good, but unique and impactful the way no one else's work is. He's the best at this - what he did is worthy of respect and praise.
Finally, after Aang tells him Zuko's notebook (he) helped him a lot, Zuko breaks - he tells Aang he uses goat hair for his brushes as it gives him more control. The façade of hard, unfeeling badassery is broken and he's just another kid discussing stationary and how to please exacting teachers. And uuuuggghhh Aang is just so charming and disarming with his self-deprecating jokes! Just like how he tried to cheer up Katara with his little joke about 'I think that's what the monks said - I never listened', he makes another about always getting caught snoring while he was supposed to be meditating and Zuko breaks!! The big bad, hard core firebender SMILES!!!! Then he quickly reins it in and tries to return to his stoic scowl.
It's so good having Aang and Zuko slide into a discussion about 'sides' as it does look strange that Zuko is 'fighting against' other firebenders. Zuko starts out by flipping right back to anger, to forceful faux confidence, then realizes that he's having to face his 'enemy' and tell this kid whose joke he just laughed at that he's still needing to capture him. But he takes a more casual stance, a resigned tone, not a forceful one, as he tells Aang that he can only return home if he captures him and takes him in, he can then become the next fire lord. Yet again, Zuko is questioned about whether that's actually what he wants and another point of connection between the two is forged - Zuko insists that yes, of course he wants to be the fire lord, that's what everyone expects of him. Expectation. We know that Zuko doesn't actually care about the throne, he just wants acceptance and his family back, but Zuko has been told the way to get that is through being the perfect prince - that wanting the throne is the same as getting his family.
I love how Zuko starts to get clearly agitated at the direction the conversation is taking - I would attribute that to people poking at his beliefs that he's had to cling to because if they come crumbling down under too much scrutiny, he won't know what to do - and Aang immediately tries to calm him down, not raise his voice, tries for kind and gentle advice given to him by his own mentor - opening up and being vulnerable with Zuko in an attempt to regain that connection they had just shared. And it works - he opens up about how he's so worried about the expectations about him being the Avatar and Zuko calms down, he shifts back and relaxes again.
Aang pushes in, telling Zuko how different he is from the other firebenders, how he knows what the fire lord is doing is wrong, how Zuko could be better than them - on the surface and initially, things Zuko might like to hear. But Aang pushes it too far - he mentions compassion and all that trauma rushes to the surface and Zuko is reminded just how painful being different from the other firebenders can be - how much punishment compassion brought him.
He feels like he has to overcompensate yet again - never show weakness, never show vulnerability, never accept someone else's criticism of his actions or of the actions of those he's associated with. I think it's very telling that he starts with declaring that he's the crown prince - that he is to be the example for all firebenders. His expectations don't only extend to himself and how he should be viewed by his father - he sees the entire fire nation as looking at him and judging his actions and worth - expectations that crush him as they tell him to be a certain way I think he already knows he doesn’t want to be. And even though his father was clearly abusive, he still insists that he's a great man - to save face, he has to deny the accusations of the enemy and declare that his abuser is actually good and no one is allowed to say otherwise (oh my god, seriously Zuko, stop stealing these lines from my DnD character! I swear she did it first, it's not just that Zuko's journey is so incredibly organic in his experience and reaction to the abuse that it transcends through to other mediums seamlessly).
And finally, Zuko can't take it anymore, he has to firmly put that mask back on and yells at Aang that compassion is a sign of weakness - and attacks. Finally, Aang is afraid of Zuko, and dispatches him again, but Aang is a smart kid - he recognizes the pain that talk of compassion brought out in Zuko. He doesn't blame Zuko for it, he sees how much he's been hurt already and I think, yet again, that's what makes Aang such an amazing protagonist and Avatar - he WANTS everyone to be good at heart. He wants to connect, to find paths to healing and cooperation. And he is willing to see past rough edges to the heart of gold within.
<next post is going to go into detail about what I thought about the Agni Kai and the additions to Ozai's character behavior>
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I'll Keep You (My Dirty Little Secret)
Ao3
Summary: Steve buys weed from Eddie, cuz he's the best. To be honest, he's the only person their age Steve knows to buy from. Somedays he stays and smokes with Eddie. And then one day, Eddie's big mouth makes an off handed comment and things... change. For better or worse, remains to be seen.
Word Count: 12,891
Warnings: THIS FIC IS EXPLICIT!!! 18 + ONLY!! MINORS NO NOT INTERACT!!! anal fingering, anal sex, hand jobs, dirty talk... would be one.. maybe. Idk. See the ao3 link for more details. MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!!
One day, they're sitting in Eddie's bedroom in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday, smoking whatever weed Eddie had deemed worthy of King Steve. And they talk, sometimes, when they do this, have been smoking together off and on for about a year now. And Steve's complaining about something, being a little whiney. And Eddie just snorts as he literally whines about something and kicks at the bed and Eddie says,
"Jesus. You need to get fucked." And he takes a long drag before moving to hand the joint to Steve, who scoffs at him as he takes it, a little red around the ears as their fingers brush.
"I fuck. I can have any girl I want, haven't you heard?" And Eddie gives him credit. He at least sounds... self depreciating, like he knows those words are just high school bullshit. Like he doesn't believe them. Like maybe he wished people wouldn't say that shit about him. But that's not what Eddie said. Eddie lets his head fall back against the headboard, lets it fall to the side so he can watch Steve take a drag.
"That's not what I said." Eddie says. Smiles hazily when Steve turns to him slowly.
"Huh?" Is all he gets. Eddie motions with two fingers for Steve to pass it back, noting how Steve's eyes linger on his hand.
"I said you need to get fucked. Not fuck. There's a difference." His voice is flat, he takes another drag. The last one they're getting outta this one, and stubs the rest out in the ashtray on his nightstand.
Steve is staring at him. Much more red around the ears than he'd been before. Eddie just lets his head fall to the side again, watching him.
"Wha- you- I'm not- I mean I don't..." He's staring into his lap, face bright red. Eddie smiles to himself, he's so cute when he's embarrassed.
"Aww c'mon Harrington. You've never even thought about it? As much time as you spend around naked dudes in the locker room? Not once?" Eddie's teasing now, waiting for Steve to storm off, or to punch him. Maybe both. He's high, he wouldn't mind either one right now. He feels good, and riling Steve up is one of his favorite pass times.
But Steve's doesn't do either of those things. He just, glares at Eddie, flushes another shade darker, Eddie's pretty sure smoke's about to start coming out of his ears. So Eddie laughs, a small thing and bumps his shoulder into Steve's, says,
"C'mon man. I'm just fuckin with you." And shakes his head, rolls his eyes, gives Steve a break and looks away from him. But then Steve speaks, in the smallest, most unconvincing, voice Eddie has ever heard him use.
"That's not why I play sports." It's barely above a whisper. Eddie looks back at him, his head lifting a little, Steve's hands are worrying at the blanket on Eddie's bed, one knee pulled up to his chest now, and fuck, he looks so small. What the fuck just happened? Eddie clears his throat awkwardly, sits up a little, angles himself toward Steve a bit.
"Yeah? You sure?" Eddie asks, pushes, genlty. He shouldn't, probably, but he's never been good with impulse control. And then Steve is glaring at him again. Eyes full of fire, and Eddie sees his hand clenching, knows what that usually means so he keeps talking.
"Cuz if it was... or if- if you did... want that? I could probably help you out. Ya know. Teach you some stuff. I mean I'm not an expert or anything but... I don't know man you seem really uptight." He shrugs, tries to play it off.
Cuz he'd just fucking offered to what? Have sex with Steve Harrington?? Because what? He'd had a moment of sad, gay, puppy eyes, and Eddie was a goddamn softie at heart? And Eddie could trust himself to never tell a soul about it. And he knew Steve wouldn't say a word. Not ever. To anyone. And Eddie moves, slowly, toward the edge of the bed, ready to dodge, or run, if needed.
But Steve just fucking looks at him. Stares at him. His big browns eyes locked on Eddie, and Eddie can't fucking read him, not even when he's high, Steve is so fucking guarded. But right now? Steve's a fucking open book. His eyes are goddamn pleading with Eddie. And Eddie can practically fucking hear him, begging in his head, 'make this easy for me. Please.'
And Eddie's a gentleman, so he fucking does. Because he's also a goddamn idiot. Taking his life into his fucking hands here. Well, putting it into Steve's hands, really.
"We can't do it today. There's stuff you gotta like... do." He waves his hand at Steve, pauses, Steve doesn't interrupt, his eyes widen, Eddie swears he fucking nods, like he's listening, telling Eddie to keep talking. Eddie huffs, his hands shaking as he stands.
"I'll write it down. You can, do it before you come over next time and I'll- I mean we can... just do this, and I'll see you next time. Okay?" He finishes in a rush, folds the paper three times and shoves it at Steve, he'd followed Eddie off the bed, hovered behind him as he wrote.
Steve slides the paper into his pocket gently.
"Don't let anyone see that." Eddie warns, pointing at Steve's pocket. Steve nods quickly. Starts digging around in his other pocket for his wallet. Eddie grabs his wrist, cringes at the way Steve flinches a little and freezes.
"Forget it man. It's on the house. Just... I'll see you next time." Eddie lets go of him, waves him toward the door. Steve has one foot through the front door when he stops. Eddie swallows, hard, stares at him until he talks.
"Next week?" Steve asks, his voice small, Eddie opens his mouth to answer but Steve keeps talking.
"Or can I come sooner? If I- I don't... what if I change my mind?" He stammers, his eyes on the wall behind Eddie. And Eddie's heart is pounding but he fucking feels for this guy. So he walks closer, slowly, puts his hand over Steve's on the door handle, something in his chest rumbling when Steve doesn't pull away.
"You can come back whenever you want. Just not Thursdays. I have band practice. Okay?" Eddie moves his thumb over Steve's skin. Steve fucking smiles at him, and nods.
"Whenever I want but not Thursday." Steve repeats. Eddie nods.
"Good boy." He hadn't meant to say it. It just sort of... slipped. But he's so fucking glad he did. Steve makes a little noise in his throat and takes a stumbling step backwards, Eddie catches his wrist right before he tumbles down the stairs on the porch. Steve's free hand clutches at Eddie's shirt before he mutters a quick 'thanks' and bolts for his car. The tips of his ears are bright red and Eddie watches him drop his head in his hands quickly, rubbing at his face before he turns his key and speeds away. Eddie can't help the smile on his face when the guy fucking waves at him through the window as he leaves.
Eddie walks back inside, throws himself facedown on his bed, his arms wrapping around his pillow and pulling it against his face.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?!" he screams it, as loud as he can, into said pillow, before he rolls onto his back. His hand resting on his chest, fingers drumming nervously as he replays whatever the fuck just happened.
"What the fuck?" He whispers to himself. What the fuck was he thinking.
~°~
Steve comes back the next day. Eddie hears his car pull up about 2 hours after he gets home from school. He peeks through the blinds and watches as Steve climbs awkwardly out of his car, his steps stumbling as he walks to the door. Eddie bites his lip, fighting a smile, and ducks down under the window when Steve starts up the stairs.
"Fuck." He whispers, a small amount of panic setting in. This was fucking happening. This was his fucking life now. He thanks his lucky stars that Wayne had odd shifts this week because other wise he'd have been sleeping in the living room. His thoughts are racing, and then Steve knocks. And his mind clears, for a brief fraction of a second his brain is just 'Steve'.
He opens the door too fast, Steve startles a step backwards.
"Sorry." Eddie grimaces. Steps aside.
"Enter." He says, giving Steve a little bow, Steve's forhead crinkles between his eyebrows but he steps inside awkwardly. Eddie shuts the door, gently, and locks it. His hands are sweating. He brushes them against his jeans and nods toward his room.
He shuts that door too. And locks it. Just to be safe. Then he twists his blinds shut and turns on just the small lamp on his desk, not sure either of them could handle this in the full light of day. Steve is standing awkwardly next to the bed, his face is turning red already and Eddie really wants to smile. Maybe even laugh. He's having a hard time believing he's causing that reaction in the King of Hawkins High.
"I did everything you said." Steve offers into the silence that's so rare in Eddie's room. And Eddie smiles then, really can't help it.
"Oh yeah. That explains the funny walk then." He crosses his arms, Steve shoves at his shoulder, his cheeks burning crimson.
"Shut up. I wasn't walking funny." He mumbles, wrapping his arms around himself. Eddie sways into his space.
"You were though. And if you weren't, you will be." He says, and once again his mouth is miles ahead of his fucking brain. He definitely hadn't meant to say that. Steve was gaping at him now, hands fisted in his jacket at his ribs.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I just- it's gonna be... I mean it'll feel different. After. Ya know?" Eddie grimaces again, wiping at his face with a sigh.
"Should I take my clothes off?" Steve asks, straight to the point. Eddie laughs humorlessly, shrugs, his hands flailing at his sides.
"I mean, it couldn't make it worse." He says, shrugging out of his own jacket as Steve shrugs out of his.
Eddie watches Steve yank his shirt over his head, and a few moments later they're both naked. Awkwardly so. Both of them standing there covering themselves, glancing at each other. Eddie takes a deep breathe and remembers he needs to take the lead here. Steve came to get fucked. Because of Eddie's big fucking mouth.
"You can lay down. On your stomach, probably best." Eddie points to the bed, finally letting go of himself and walking to the edge of it, his cheeks flush when Steve's eyes linger on him for a long moment.
He's worries he's not... big enough. Steve's dick is definitely bigger than his. But not by much. Okay maybe a few inches. And then Eddie's worrying he's not gonna be good enough. Talked a big game and doesn't even have enough in his pants to back it up. But the one or two other guys he'd been with hadn't complained. Not to his face anyway.
He gives Steve a tight smile and then nearly fucking passes out when Steve lowers himself onto the bed, his hips resting at the edge, his knees don't quite reach the floor so he's holding himself up awkwardly on his toes. And Eddie wants so badly to leave him that way, just tense and awkward and waiting for Eddie, but he can't. Not for Steve's first time. So he grabs his pillows, folds them in half and shoves them under Steve's knees. Steve gasps when Eddie's hand rests on his lower back for a moment, Steve's skin his hot. And Eddie's eyes can't stop fucking raking over his back, moles and freckles scattered everywhere, Eddie wants them in his mouth. And fuck, this is such a bad idea.
"That better?" Eddie asks, his voice quiet. Steve nods, his hands clenching in Eddie's sheets.
"Yeah, thanks." He sounds breathless already. And Eddie's only touched him once, innocently, because he'd nearly fallen over. Eddie nods, walks around to stand behind Steve, and he'd been trying so hard not to stare at his ass. Even though Steve was fucking baring it for him. Just, laying there, ready to take Eddie.
Eddie's fingers itch, twitching at his sides. His hands move, slowly, reaching out, his fingers nearly touching the skin of Steve hip when something occurs to him. He freezes, fingertips so fucking close to getting what they want.
"You don't have a girlfriend do you?" Eddie asks, his chest aching, begging, pleading, for Steve to say no.
"What?" Steve breathes, his voice muffled into Eddie's bed, he pushes himself up, onto his elbows, and looks back over his shoulder at Eddie. And fuck, if that's not the best sight Eddie's ever fucking seen. He gulps, knows he must look like an idiot, standing there behind Steve. His dick hard, hands reaching out to Steve, but not touching yet, he has the sense to drop his hands at least, when Steve looks at him.
"A girlfriend? You don't have one? I mean, I don't mind being a side piece. But the main piece needs to know about it, ya know?" Eddie moves his hands to his hips, narrowing his eyes at Steve, looking at him sternly.
"No. I don't have a girlfriend. I go out... with girls, sometimes. But not- no." Steve shakes his head, bites his lip. But Eddie believes him. He bites his own lip then, but nods,
"Okay. Lay back down. Try to relax." He tells Steve this, is also sort of talking to himself. Steve nods, does as he told. And Eddie finally looks down, bites into his lip harder at the sight of Steve's ass right in front of him. He wants to get on his knees and fucking worship this ass. But he's pretty sure licking into Steve the first time might be a little too much for the guy.
So he settles his hands onto Steve's hips gently, his eyes tracing over Steve's shoulders when they tense at the touch, his skin warm under Eddie's fingers, but he can feel the goosebumps rising under his fingers as he moves them down, toward Steve's pert little ass. He takes a deep breath, willing himself not to fucking come just from touching the guy. It's not like he's a walking fucking wet dream or anything.
Eddie shakes his head, moves his thumbs, presses them into the flesh of Steve's ass and pulls, just a little, just enough to see what he wants. And Steve whines, his shoulders bunching again.
"You gotta relax." Eddie whispers, his hands soothing back up, moving slowly up Steve's back.
"I- I'm trying. It's weird." Steve grunts. Eddie stops. Takes his hands away.
"We don't have to." He says, simple, easy. Giving Steve an out. Steve's on his back in seconds, looking up at Eddie, and his cock is hard against his stomach, it looks almost painful. And Eddie wills his mouth not to water, because Steve is looking up at him with those fucking eyes.
"You don't want to?" And he sounds... goddamn he sounds fucking sad, about it.
"That's not what I said. You just- you're very tense." Eddie shakes his head, waves his hand in Steve's general direction.
"I'm just..." Steve trails off, sits up, covers himself the best he can.
"What? Seriously. It's fine if you don't wanna do this. I get it." Eddie offers another out, not sure if he wants Steve to take it or not.
"I'm just not used to like... diving right in." Steve says, his hand moving between them awkwardly, his eyebrows and nose scrunching, and fuck Eddie has got to stop looking at that adorable shit.
"Diving... right in." Eddie repeats slowly.
"Yeah man. I'm used to like... kissing and touching and stuff. And then...the sex. This is just... I don't know it feels awkward?" Steve explains, sighing and falling back onto the bed with a groan. Eddie bites his lip and sits next to Steve on the edge of the bed. Their hips press together and Eddie fights off the shiver that the touch of Steve's skin evokes.
"Sooooo..." Eddie draws, glancing down at Steve's hands covering his cock.
"You wanna kiss me?" Eddie finishes, eyebrow cocked as he looks down at Steve, his focus moving from his hands to his face. Steve's eyes open and he sits up, looks into his lap and then scrunches his nose and looks at Eddie.
"Maybe? Would that make it weird?" Steve asks, and Eddie has to fucking laugh. Steve drops his eyes back to his lap, looking embarrassed as Eddie's laughter rings through the room.
"Dude. I was about to fucking finger you. And you think kissing would make it weird?" He elaborates, shaking his head, eyes widening when Steve's eyes snap to his face.
"You were about to-" Steve cuts off, his chest going red now.
"Well, yeah, man. Gotta make sure you're comfortable first. I wasn't just gonna..." he makes a lewd motion with his hands that has Steve barking a laugh, one hand jumping to cover his mouth. Eddie makes a 'yeah' face, and looks into own lap, realizing his own fucking cock is still hard and just fucking, out in the open, he covers himself. Pressing his lips together in an awkward smile before looking back up to find Steve staring at him.
"So kissing won't be weird?" Steve asks again. Eddie shrugs.
"I mean yeah. It'll be weird. Cuz you're Steve Harrington, and I'm me. And the other guys I've been with, which is like, two, by the way, I'm not some kind of sex god or anything. Just- they weren't very touchy feely and I made it seem like I could fuck you. Like it was just a fucking. So that's what I was trying to do." Eddie rambles, shoves his face into his hands and groans.
"So yes kissing will be weird. But if you need to kiss me, before I fuck you, then that's- I want you to be comfortable. At least... ya know... until... I don't know." Eddie groans again and falls backwards. What the fuck was he thinking? That he could just, what? Give Steve Harrington a good fucking and move on with his life. Not a fucking chance.
The bed dips beside him, and he feels Steve's fingers on his chin, he squeezes his eyes shut, tight, and Steve's fingers falter, then keep moving. They move up over Eddie's cheeks, over and down the bridge of his nose, lightly over his eyelids and across his eyebrows. Steve's fingers move over his face, until his hand is cupping Eddie's cheek, his thumb resting on Eddie's bottom lip. Then, only then, does Eddie open his eyes.
"Hi." Steve breathes, he's smiling down at Eddie, and Eddie's not sure his fucking heart can take that look. Not from Steve. His chest his pressed into Eddie's shoulder as he leans over him, impossibly close.
"If you don't want me to kiss you I won't. But, and I don't mean to brag-"
"Yes you do." Eddie huffs, smirking back at Steve when his lips curl. Steve tilts his head, a little 'yeah maybe' look crossing his features.
"But I'm very good at it. Kissing I mean." He leans closer, his hair falling onto his forehead as he presses into Eddie's space, and when had he fucking lost control of this situation???
"Just like I'm sure you're very good at fucking." Steve whispers, his breath ghosting over Eddie's lips.
"I don't about- mmpf." Eddie's mumbles are cut off by Steve's mouth. He presses his lips to Eddie's, softly, too soft. Much to soft for what this is supposed to be.
So Eddie steels himself, moves his hand to the side of Steve's face, shoves his hand up into Steve's hair and deepens the kiss. He licks into Steve's mouth hungrily, growls in his throat when Steve whines into his mouth, his hips pressing into Eddie's thigh, looking for friction, and Eddie smirks against Steve's lips. He can give him friction.
Eddie flips Steve, pushes him down into the matress as he settles on top of him, moves his hands down Steve's sides and hikes his thighs up around Eddie's waist. Steve clutches at Eddie's back, tries to pull him closer. Eddie grabs Steve's wrists and pins them above his head.
"Hi." Eddie says, pulling away from Steve's mouth, a string of spit hanging between them, Steve's pupils are blown, his pretty brown eyes almost black now.
"Hi." Steve breathes back, he's almost panting underneath Eddie. Eddie smiles, licks Steve's lips with a moan and then looks down at him.
"I'm gonna finger you now. And then I'm gonna fuck you." He tells Steve, matter of fact. And Steve's hips jump up into him as Steve nods enthusiastically, his wrists fighting Eddie's hold on him.
"Yeah. Yes. Please." Steve says, fucking whines. His hips rolling against Eddie's.
Eddie leans over, lets go of Steve's wrists and reaches for his nightstand, grabs his lube and a condom. He places the corner of the condom packet between Steve's lips.
"Hold that for me. You drop it. I don't give you what you want." Steve's teeth clamp down on the foil but Eddie doesn't let go.
"I mean it. You drop that. I'm not fucking you. Got it?" Eddie asks, giving the packet a little tug, Steve's jaw clenches, his teeth hold it tight.
"Good boy." Eddie does it on purpose this time, relishes in the way Steve flushes, his hips roll into Eddie again and he smirks down at Steve as he whimpers around the condom packet in his mouth. Eddie pops the top on his lube and gets two fingers covered before he drops the bottle next to them and lowers his hand between them. He holds himself up a bit with one hand, hovering over Steve.
"If it hurts you can tell me to stop. Okay?" Eddie says, seriously, looking into Steve's eyes. Steve nods, once, firmly. Eddie nods back and slips one finger into him.
The sound Steve makes goes straight to Eddie's cock, it twitches against the back of Steve's thigh as Steve writhes beneath him, his eyes squeezed shut tight, jaw clamped shut as his teeth hold the packet between them tightly. He pushes his finger as deep as he can, rutting his own hips down as Steve pushes up into him. Steve's lips close over the packet as he moans and presses his ass down, trying to get Eddie deeper.
"Jesus. You're so fucking needy." Eddie groans, pressing his second finger to Steve's hole, gently nudging it next to the first. Steve's eyes snap open, his fingernails digging into Eddie's shoulder. He whines, his hip stuttering but still pushing down onto Eddie's finger as he moans,
"Please." As best he can around the packet in his mouth. And as good as he's being Eddie wants to fucking hear him, wants to fucking taste him. He drops himself onto Steve, his hand reaching for the packet, his fingers clamp onto it but Steve bites down harder.
"Fuckin let go of it. I wanna fuckin hear you." Eddie growls. Steve doesn't let go. Levels his gaze with Eddie, and fucking smirks. Eddie breathes out a laugh, his cheeks dimpling as he smiles down at Steve, lowers himself a little more.
"Oh you wanna play games?" Eddie asks, his voice low. Steve eyes widen as he looks up at Eddie but he grinds his hips down, deliberately, and nods, his teeth pulling on the packet clamped between Eddie's fingers.
"Okay pretty boy. You wanna be a brat? You wanna play? We can play." Eddie smirks right back at the little shit, and does three things at once, he grinds his hips down against Steve's cock, presses his teeth against Steve's neck, and slips his second finger into Steve nice and deep.
"Ah ah! Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck!" Steve lets the packet go, breathes out his words like a mantra into Eddie's shoulder as he pulls his fingers out of Steve and then shoves them back in. Eddie drops the condom next to them and moves his mouth up Steve's neck, making his way to his mouth.
Steve is panting and writing, his hips stuttering with every move of Eddie's wrist. Eddie licks into his mouth as his fingers brush that perfect spot inside Steve and Steve fucking claws at him, one hand dropping to Eddie's wrist, pulling his hand closer, sinking his fingers deeper.
"Oh fuck. Eddie right there. Holy shit. Nnnnhh!" His voice goes high as he whines into Eddie's neck.
"Yeah? Right there? That's what you want?" Eddie presses deeper, harder, his fingers curling just so. He'd decided something when Steve wanted to play dirty.
"Gonna make you cum on my fingers sweetheart. Then I'm gonna fuck you til all you can say is my name." Eddie groaned, pressing his hips down harder, his cock pressed so perfectly against Steve's burning skin. Steve's fingers on his wrist clench hard as Eddie flicks his wrist just so, hitting that spot over and over.
"Yesyesyesyes Eddie please I need it!" Steve's almost yelling now.
"I know baby. I know." Eddie hums, licks back into Steve's mouth, in time with the thrusts of his fingers, the twin movements make Steve squim beneath, his teeth sink into Eddie's shoulder as he cums on Eddie's fingers, moans into Eddie's mouth as his hands tug and pull Eddie closer.
Steve goes limp beneath him, both of them panting into each others mouths.
"Fuck. Fuck. Jesus christ." Steve pants, trying to steady his breathing.
"Just fuckin wait." Eddie pants back, his head resting against Steve's for only a moment before he slips his fingers out of Steve and pushes himself up. Steve grabs at him, tries to pull him back down. Eddie swats his hands away easily, grabs the condom packet and tears it open with his teeth.
"Un uh. Told you. You wanted to play games. Remember?" He rolls the condom on with shakey hands, Steve's eyes widen as Eddie grabs his hips and flips him over, he shoves at Steve's thighs as Steve scrambles to find purchase in Eddie's sheets. He ends up tugging one of Eddie's pillows up under his chest, tucking his face into it as Eddie moves his hips against Steve's ass, his cock moving over Steve's hole, the tip catching and then sliding past, making Steve's hips jump, pressing into the matress.
Eddie grabs the lube, fills his palm and moves his hand over himself, pumping his cock a few times before lining himself up. He bends over Steve, his hand planted beside him, holding himself up, his head resting between Steve's shoulder blades.
"You ready pretty boy? Hm? Ready to get fucked?" Eddie asks, biting into his lip so hard he tastes copper.
"Mhmm!" Steve whines into Eddie's pillow. Eddie nods against his back, moves his hand to Steve's hips, holding him down as he slips his cock into him. All the way into him, in one thrust. His hips hit Steve's ass and he moans so loud Eddie's sure the neighbors had to have heard it. It makes him wanna hear it again.
So he pulls out and then shoves back in, his thighs trembling as he holds himself together. Steve whines this time, his hands reaching back, reaching for Eddie. And fuck he feels so good around Eddie's cock, who is he to deny him. He reaches for him, tangles his fingers with Steve's, shoves Steve's hands up above his head, their fingers still tangled, and he fucks into him, hard.
His hips grind down over and over, Steve making sweet little sounds with every thrust, Eddie grunting into his shoulder as he holds Steve down with his body. His skin feels like fire where he's touching Steve, which is nearly fucking everywhere. He moves one hand down, under Steve's knee, and pulls his leg up, yanks it up and hooks his elbow under it, then snaps his hips into Steve harder.
"Ah! Mmm!! Yes! Eddie! Eddie please!" Steve clutches at the sheets with one hand, his other still holding Eddie's, their fingers pressed so tight they're likely to bruise.
"Yeah. Right there?" Eddie asks, it's not a real question, his mind is fucking blank right now. Just a mindless loop of 'fuck and steve' over and over.
"Yeah yeah yeah right there! Eddie!" He whines his name, his hips grinding back onto Eddie's cock frantically as Eddie fucks him deeper into the matress.
"Yeah. Fuck. You feel so good Steve. Feel so fuckin perfect." He thrus6t down hard then, harder. The sound of their skin slapping together is absolutely obscene, and Eddie can't fucking get enough. He vaguely feels Steve nodding, hears him agree mindlessly as Eddie fucks into him, deeper and deeper as Steve begs him not to stop.
"Please please please! Fuck Eddie more please!" Steve begs, and Eddie's fucking eyes are gonna roll into the back of his head, he drops Steve's leg and props himself up, his hands braced on Steve's hips as he fucks him faster. His name falling loosely from Steve's lips over and over like Steve is living just to say it.
"Fucking christ. So good for me baby. Cum for me. Come on." Eddie thrusts his hips down hard, as Steve clenches down on him, both of them moaning as they cum. Steve's free hand scrambling backwards, grabbing at Eddie's hip best he can, trying to pull him closer, pull him deeper.
Eddie falls onto Steve with a grunt, Steve huffs underneath him, but doesn't try to move him. They lie there, panting together until their sweat starts to cool and Eddie rolls off of him. Pulling out of Steve with a wince as Steve hisses beneath him.
"Shit. Sorry." Eddie whispers, his hand moving over Steve's shoulders as he falls onto his back next to him. Steve shakes his head and Eddie pulls the condom off, ties it, and toss it into trashcan next to his bed.
He lets out a deep breath and pushes his sweaty bangs off his head, arms resting on his forhead.
"Jesus." Steve breathes next to him, rolling over with a wince. Eddie winces in sympathy, looks down at Steve's softening cock and sees the fucking mess he'd made of Steve and feels his cock twitch. He sits up with a laugh, grabs his boxers off the floor and tugs them on.
"Be right back." He says, glaring down at his dick, willing it to chill the fuck out. He grabs a rag from the bathroom, lets the water get warm, and then pads back into his room. Steve is standing in the middle of the room, his shirt on, looking around the floor, for his pants and underwear, Eddie assumes.
"Oh. I uh... I got you this." He says, lamely, holding the rag out. The mess on Steve's stomach is gone. He takes the rag, his ears going red.
"Leaving already?" Eddie asks, trying to sound casual. Of couse he's leaving. He'd gotten what he came for you. Don't be a fucking idiot Munson. Little too late for that, but Eddie could be a little slow, just ask his teachers.
"Well I just- you got up, so I figured..." he trails off, lifting his shirt and wiping at his stomach though it's already clean. Eddie thinks he might have used the inside of his shirt. He tosses the rag back to Eddie with an awkward smile. Eddie catches it, wipes weakly at the mess on his sheets.
"Yeah. No. That's... Yeah. Probably for the best." Eddie mutters. His skin is itchy. And cold. Wants Steve's skin pressed against his again. Steve stops, his eyes linger on the floor before they land on Eddie again. He licks his lips, clearly about to say something. But Eddie doesn't let him, it's best he doesn't let him.
"Your pants are over there dude." He points behind Steve, to the piled up khakis.
"Shit. Thanks." Steve grabs them, angling himself away from Eddie as he bends to pick them up. And it hurts. Eddie knows it shouldn't. It was just a fuck. A really good fuck. Definitely the best Eddie's ever had, or been a part of, really. He rolls his eyes at himself and looks into his lap. Fidgeting with his rings as Steve gets dressed.
"Well uh... I should go." Steve says, quietly, as he lingers by Eddie's bedroom door.
"Yeah." Eddie nods.
"This has definitely surpassed your normal weed purchase time limit." He says, trying to tease, but his voice is tight. Steve must notice.
"Yeah." He sighs, rings his jacket in his hands before pulling it on.
"I'll- see you at school." Steve says, Eddie eyes snap to him and he sees the tail end of him cringing at his own words.
"Yeah. See you at school." Eddie echoes, flatly.
"Or ya know... next Saturday?" It's a question, and if Eddie's not going completely bananas, he thinks he sees hope in Steve's eyes. And his lips are curled up just enough, the ghost of a smile. Eddie licks his lips, his teeth sink into the tender skin and he nods.
"Okay. Saturday." He doesn't give Steve a full smile, tries not to give him one at all, but one must slip through because Steve smiles back, nods once, with finality, and leaves.
Eddie waits til he hears the door close and then he follows, runs to the window and watches Steve make his way to his fucking shiny expensive car. Eddie smirks to himself as he watches the waddle in Steve's step, the way he grimaces when he sinks in behind the wheel.
Eddie turns, leans against the door and groans, images of Steve in his bed flashing through his head. His cock twitches again and Eddie glares down at himself.
"This is all your goddamn fault. Ya know that?" He points accusingly at his own dick, huffs at himself, and stalks to the bathroom. He turns the water to cold, shoves his boxers down and steps in, squawking at the temperature.
"All your fuckin fault." He mutters again, shaking his head under the water, cursing himself as he beings to shiver.
~°~
It happens again on Saturday. And the Saturday after that. And the one after that. And one random Wednesday right before spring break.
Eddie never means for it to happen. Had just planned on the once. But Steve shows up, buys weed, and then ends up underneath Eddie chanting his name like a goddamn mantra and Eddie has clearly lost control of the situation. But it's fine. It's all completely fine. Steve stays after a few times, and they fucking cuddle, and talk, and it's... fine.
Until it's not.
Steve shows up one Saturday and knocks on the door, but when Eddie steps back to let him in, Steve steps back and down the steps, his fingers twisting together in front of him. Eddie's brow furrows, he crosses his arms over his chest, bracing, for whatever this is. Steve still doesn't say anything, so Eddie does what he does best, he opens his mouth.
"You're not pregnant are you?" He asks, his voice flat. And Steve, he fucking snorts, wipes at his mouth, shakes his head, sobers again. Eddie huffs, already annoyed by whatevers about to happen.
"Just say i-"
"I asked out Nancy Wheeler. We- we're going out on friday." Steve cuts him off. Eddie digs his nails into his ribs as hard as he can. Keeps his face neutral.
"Nancy Wheeler. You're upgrading." Eddie says, the joke is full of venom. Steve flinches a little, his brows creasing, and that used to be cute, Eddie wants to slap it off his face now.
"Eddie don't s-"
"You want your weed or not?" Eddie cuts him off, doesn't care what he was going to say. Steve looks startled.
"Oh. I uh... I guess, yeah." He stammers, takes a step closer.
"Forty five." Eddie holds out his hand. Steve's eyes widen as he takes out his wallet.
"Forty five? Last week it was like...fifteen." Steve laughs, but it's tense, and he hands Eddie forty five. Eddie smiles sweetly, grabs the bag of weed out of his pocket.
"Well last week you got the fuck me discount. This week, I'm the one getting fucked. So the price goes up." He tosses the weed at Steve and slams the door in his face.
He presses his back agaisnt the door hard, breathing heavy until he hears Steve's car pull away. He slams his head back once, hears Wayne's mugs rattle on the wall and steps away from the door.
"Fuckin idiot." He mutters, shuffling down the hall to his room, he walks through the door, eyes landing on his guitar.
"Just me and you again Sweetheart." He sighs, falling back onto his bed, he raises his hand into view.
"And just me and you." He lights a joint, takes a drag, sets it in the ashtray, and shoves his hand into his pants. If frustrated, angry, masturbation was a sport, Eddie's fuck walls would be decked out in medals. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, depends who you ask, it was not a sport. And the only person who had to fucking deal with it, was Eddie. And maybe his sweetheart, but she didn't have eyes, she wasn't a part of this. Eddie dropped his arm over his face as his hand moved faster and faster, he groaned angrily as images of Steve floated behind his eyes.
"Fucking idiot." Eddie groaned again, cuming to the image of Steve underneath him, clawling at his hips to get him closer. He wipes his hand on his sheets with a huff and rolles over, covering his head with his pillow, hoping to maybe just disappear for awhile.
~°~
He sees him at school, off and on. But he doesn't come to Eddie for weed anymore. So Eddie ignores him. Takes Steve Harrington off his radar and never looks back.
He sees him with Nancy once. Watches him pick her up and kiss her and watches him smile into her neck. He definitely doesn't hide in the bathroom until the bell rings because he feels like he's gonna puke.
And then he hears whispers around school. Apparently that new asshole, Billy something, had kicked the shit out of Steve. Eddie's stomach twists when hears the jokes people make. But he doesn't see Steve at school, for almost three days. Just three days of rumors and shitty jokes and no Steve.
And then Eddie pulls up to the trailer after school to find the Beemer parked outside. Steve is leaning against the side of it, arms crossed, head down, hair hanging in his face.
He looks up when Eddie parks, dark sunglasses hiding his face. Eddie squeezes his steering wheel hard, once, to stop his hands shaking, and then he hops out of the van. He walks over to Steve slowly, scuffing his shoes in the loose gravel. Steve carefully takes off his sunglasses, tilts his head as Eddie looks at him.
Eddie makes a show of it, crosses his arms and leans forward, studying Steve's face before he whistles, long and slow as he straightens up again.
"You look like shit." Eddie says, clicking his tongue. The corner of Steve's mouth, the one that isn't bruised, tilts up.
"You should see the other guy." He jokes, emotionless. Eddie nods, eyes wide as he hugs himself.
"Oh I have. He's been at school." Eddie says, nods to the trailer and starts walking that way, hears Steve follow him, easy.
"Oh yeah? How's that been?" Steve asks, holding the screen door for Eddie as he shoves his key into the lock. Eddie swings the door open, pauses to look back at Steve.
"Well, he's an asshole. Sooo... How do you think it's been?" Eddie frowns, waves Steve inside.
"Right." Is all Steve says, his eyes wander around the trailer slowly, Eddie leans against the small kitchen divider.
"So... did you need something for the pain or...?" He trails off, his hand hovering in the air between them. Steve's eyes move slowly over to Eddie, he's got that lopsided smile going on again.
"Or?" He asks, brow furrowed dramatically as he crosses his arms. Was he... trying to be playful right now? Eddie huffed a laugh and shook his head.
"So why'd he beat you up? You say something mean about his car?" Eddie asks, ducking into the kitchen, away from that playful look in Steve's bruised eyes. Steve snorts, follows Eddie, but keeps his distance, nods when Eddie offers him a water.
"Naw. Nothin like that." Steve shakes his head, grimaces, rubs at his temple. Eddie frowns, reaches into the cabnet next to the sink and grabs a bottle of Tylenol. He pops two out, hands them to Steve.
"Here. So what was it then? Like, the dudes definitely got those crazy eyes, so what happened?" He does not shiver when his fingers brush against Steve's hand as he takes the pills.
"Thanks." He takes a drink of water, swallows, then rests against the counter next to Eddie.
"Uh. Ya know Max? His sister. Step sister. Little red head?" Steve asks, holds his hand up about where her head would go.
"Yeah. Yeah I think I've seen her around. Always has a skateboard?" Eddie asks, lifts himself up to sit on the counter. Steve nods, gently.
"That's her. Well she'd been hanging out with Lucas, I guess? And Billy had told her not to?" Steve shrugs, Eddie makes a face.
"Yeah. Anyway, she kept hanging out with him. Cuz Lucas is a nice kid. But apparently Billy's a big ol racist. And he found them together, I was babysitting. He started threatening Lucas, so I punched him. And then..." Steve waved his hand at his face.
"He kicked your ass." Eddie supplied, talking into his water bottle before he took a swig. Steve huffed a laugh and nodded.
"Yeah. That's... pretty much it." Steve sighs, shaking his head lightly.
"That's scary man. The kids okay?" Eddie asks, moving his hands slowly over his knees. Steve swallows, hard, looks at Eddie for a moment, like he wants to say something. And then the moments gone, and he just nods.
"Yeah. Yeah they're good. I honestly think Max scared the shit out of him good enough that he won't mess with them anymore at least." Steve smiles softly at the thought, and Eddie wonders what happened to him. Not the fight. But.. in the few years it's been. He's so different, smiling while talking about hanging out with kids.
"Well hey. At least chicks dig scars right?" Eddie tries for a joke, but his voice misses by a mile. Steve looks at him.
"Yeah. I guess. What about-" Steve bites his lip, shakes his head, looks away.
"What about what?" Eddie asks, head tilting, he leans forward a little, trying to see Steve's face where he's turned away.
"I was gonna say, what about you? But it... I dunno, seemed, rude?" He doesn't look at Eddie when he says it.
"Rude?" Eddie asks. Steve looks at him then.
"Yeah, cuz of... I dunno how I just sort of left, that day. And... we haven't spoken since." He shrugs, but his ears are going that deep red that Eddie refuses to admit that he's misses.
"Oooh oh oh okay yeah. Rude cuz you fucked me, vigorously, and then abandoned me for Nancy Wheeler without warning." Eddie says, his voice light.
"Ya know I'd forgotten all about that." Eddie flutters his eye lashes, and waves a hand at Steve, dismissing it. Steve laughs, a real laugh, and steps closer, into Eddie's space. Moves between Eddie's legs, his hands resting on his knees. Eddie's eyes flutter closed, he's so fucking warm. And fuck Eddie missed this, Steve touching him. Hell, he missed anyone touching him, hadn't touched anyone since Steve.
"I hadn't." Steve breathes, his nose bumping Eddie's, his hands moving slowly up Eddie’s thighs.
"No? You been thinkin about me Steve?" Eddie whispers, feels Steve's shakey breath as he shivers.
"Yeah. Little bit." Steve sighs, his hands moving to Eddie's waist, thumbs pressing up under his shirt to touch his skin. Eddie shivers now, his hands still on the counter top, knuckles white with effort to not reach out and touch Steve.
"Yeah? Even when you're with Nancy?" Eddie breathes, his nose brushing into Steve's cheek. Steve sighs, drops his head to Eddie's shoulder, but he nods.
"Sometimes. Not anymore." His hands squeeze at Eddie's waist.
"Not anymore?" Eddie asks, not anymore what? He doesn't think about Eddie anymore? Way to ruin the mood Eddie was refusing to engage in. Jeez. Steve lifts his head, looks at Eddie, his eyes roaming over his face, landing on his lips more than once, lingering.
"I think we're over. It's all bullshit." Steve says, his voice cracking, his lip trembles on the last word and then he's kissing Eddie. His mouth is hot, and adamant, and Eddie wants. But not like this. He lets Steve's teeth nibble at his bottom lip and then pulls away, his hands on Steve's shoulders, holding him back as he tries to chase after Eddie mouth.
"This isn't a good idea." Eddie whispers, his head resting on Steve's when he groans.
"I miss you." Steve says, Eddie can hear the tightness in his voice. Steve's trying not to cry. Eddie nods, his hands moving to cradle Steve's neck, he frowns.
"And I miss you. But," he takes a breath, pushes Steve away so he can see his face, look into his eyes.
"I'm not a back up Nancy Wheeler. Or a rebound fuck. Or... anything else that this could be. I don't wanna do that anymore." He frowns, drops his hands onto his knees. Steve's eyes are shining but he nods, sniffles, and turns away. Takes a deep breathe before he chugs the bottle of water Eddie had given him. Eddie hops down off the counter.
"But what I can, and will gladly do, is get you some good weed to take the edge off of all'uh that." He waves his hand around in front of Steve's face, gets a smile from him and feels a little lighter.
He hands Steve a baggie, watches him reach for his wallet and then look up Eddie, questioning.
"Twenty bucks." He says with a shrug. Steve smiles a soft smile and hands Eddie a twenty. Eddie goes to grab it but Steve holds it tight.
"What discount did I get today?" He asks, smirking. Eddie smiles at him, dimples flaring.
"Oh today? Today's the 'i feel sorry for you cuz your face got mangled by a racist' discount." Eddie wiggles his eyebrows and yanks the twenty away from Steve.
"Hmm. You give that one a lot?"
"Honestly, more often than you'd think, yeah. Rough town." Eddie answers with a straight face. Both of them smiling after a beat. Steve shaking his head and stepping toward the door.
"Thanks for this. And the pills." Steve nods, opens the door. Eddie gives him a low bow.
"Anytime. Always open to those in need." He tilts his head, rests his hands on his back as he walks toward Steve, holds the door as Steve opens the screen door. He's nodding, slowly, maybe to himself, Eddie can't tell.
He lets the screendoor fall shut slowly, stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks up at Eddie.
"I am sorry. About the way I handled that. Me and you. Ya know?" He shoves his hands into his pockets, one eye squinting against the sun as he looks up at Eddie.
"I appreciate that Steven. I'll run your apology by the counsel. Take a vote." He replies, leaning his head against the door. Steve rolls his eyes, puts his sunglasses carefully back on his face.
"You're so weird dude." He says, squinting still, through the glasses, as he opens his car door.
"But it's like, kinda charming right?" Eddie calls, hand on his hip.
"I mean... I guess. If you're into that." Steve cringes, but he's smiling by the time his butt hits the seat. He gives Eddie a little two finger salute as he pulls away. Eddie grinning to himself as he walks back to his room. He catches sight of himself in the mirror, past his sweetheart, big dopey smile on his face.
He's so fucked.
~°~
They still don't talk. Steve doesn't come by for more weed. Well, they'd talked once, when Eddie and Wayne had stopped by the mall, just to check it out. Eddie wanted to see the new record store, and the sweet tooth he and Wayne shared had required ice cream.
Eddie's brain had nearly short circuited, seeing Steve in those fucking shorts.
But Steve had also gone that pretty red color Eddie loved so much. It clashed terribly with his outfit but Eddie was gonna be day dreaming about it for months.
He'd been working with one Miss Buckley, Eddie had band class with her last year. They'd been banned from sitting together their third week in, but they still snuck in good quality time when there were subs, or they had movie days. They were insufferable, Eddie missed her.
But apart from that, he doesn't see Steve much. A few times around town, but Eddie avoids the mall like the plague, opting for the small shops, dnd meetings, and band practice instead. But Steve doesn't show his face again. And Eddie tries not to be annoyed. He's the one who pushed Steve away after all.
And then the mall burns down.
And Steve Harrington shows up at his door two days later covered in bruises, and stitches. Asking very quietly, if he can come inside.
"Uh... yeah. Shit, yeah." Eddie steps back hurriedly, the rain falling outside soaking Steve's hair and jacket. Eddie watches him run his fingers through his wet hair after he hangs his jacket by the door. Steve looks around.
"Wayne at work?" Is all he says. He's... different. His hair is longer, but it's not that. His shoulders look heavy. And behind the bruises he looks tired. The kind of bone deep tired you don't get from a mall fire. Eddie nods, and then nods again, toward his room.
He stands in the doorway, leaning against it, and watches as Steve gingerly lowers himself to sit on the edge of Eddie's bed. He doesn't say anything. Just very carefully takes off his shoes.
"What the hell happened to you?" Eddie asks, not able to not say anything any longer. Steve sighs, deep, and looks up at Eddie.
"Mall fire." Is all he says, flatly. He pushes himself backwards, situats himself in Eddie's bed like he belongs there. Eddie nods, crosses his arms, and walks fowards.
"Bull. Shit. It was a mall fire. Have you seen your face?" He leans forward for emphasis.
"Yep. I have. But thank you for reminding me." Steve's voice is still flat. But he's not giving anything up, and it... is so annoying. Eddie feels his blood starting to boil, is about to start ranting about how Steve had just left, again, and never come back. And yes that was technically Eddie's fault, a little, but they had definitely flirted when he was leaving! And now he's here, just showed up looking like he'd been put through a meat grinder, and is acting annoyed at Eddie, who had kindly let him in out of the rain!
But Steve looks up at him before he can get started, his eyes wide, and tired, his hand reaches out, lifting off the matress slowly, palm up.
"Listen, I know I have no right to ask this, but could you just... sit with me? For awhile?" His fingers wiggle as his bottom lip trembles and Eddie can't stop himself from reaching out to him, taking his hand and sitting on the edge of the bed, leg tucked up under him as Steve absent-mindedly plays with his fingers, spinning Eddie's ring around and around, the same way Eddie does when he's nervous, or fidgety.
"Are you okay Steve?" His voice is quiet. Steve shrugs, doesn't say anything.
"Is... is Robin okay? The kids? Everybody?" He asks, he'd seen them all on the news, being packed into ambulances, before they stopped showing that footage. And Eddie wasn't stupid. He knows there's something else going. Something else going on in this town. But he doesn't ask that, doesn't think Steve could talk about it, even if he wanted to.
He shrugs again, his fingers shaking against Eddie's. Eddie covers his hand with his, holds it tight.
"Tell me what I can do? What do you need?" He crawls closer, his knees pressed up against Steve's thighs, his wants to brush the hair out Steve's face, but the ends look like they're stuck in some of the dried blood on his face and he doesn't wanna hurt him. Steve just shakes his head. His eyes have a far away look.
"Do you wanna take a shower?" Eddie asks, his eyes still on that dried blood on Steve's head.
"I uh... I don't know. I don't-" Steve trails off, his eyes moving finally, slowly, to Eddie.
"I don't know." He says again. Eddie nods, squeezes his hand.
"Okay. We're gonna get you a shower. Get some of this blood off. And then you can sleep. You can sleep here with me. Long as you want." His lip trembles as he helps Steve off the bed, but he bites his lip. Holds the burning sensation in his throat until they're under the spray of warm water.
Steve is covered in bruises, his back, his chest, his legs even. His skin is a fucking collage of bruising. Eddie washes him gently, doesn't use a rag. Just his hands. He soaps up Steve's hair, gently.
"Sorry it's not fancy shampoo. It's gonna ruin your beautiful mane." Eddie jokes, sniffling as he moves his fingers gently over Steve's scalp.
"S'fine. Smells good. Like you. N' it feels nice." Steve's eyes are closed. Until he hears Eddie sniffle again. Steve squints at him, through the soap and water, and grabs Eddie's wrists, moves his hands from his hair and wraps his arms around Eddie's waist. Pulls him close and then moves them both under the warm spray of water. Letting the soap run out of his hair, and down his back as they cling to each other.
"It's okay Ed's. I'm fine." He mumbles it into Eddie's shoulder, his lips soft against the skin there. Eddie holds him gently, trying not to squeeze him too tightly and hurt him.
"No it isn't. Look at you. I- what happened Steve?" His voice is high, almost a whine as it leaves his throat. Steve's hands move over his back.
"Shh. I'm okay. That's all that matters." Eddie tries to argue, tries to fight Steve on this, tell him it's not okay. But Steve kisses him. Deeply. Holds him close and kisses all of Eddie he can reach.
"Eddie will you-" his voice cuts off, his hips pressing into Eddie as he presses Eddie into the wall of the shower.
"Steve. No. You need to rest. Your heads all-"
"Eddie please." Steve begs, pulls away to look at him, with big sad eyes.
"I need to feel something good. You make me feel good. Please." Steve moves his hands to Eddie's waist, his fingers digging into the skin there.
"That's not fair." Eddie groans, his hands moving up over Steve's shoulders, his fingers moving nimbly around bruises. Steve ducks forward, his lips brushing Eddie's, wet and warm when he whispers.
"I'm not trying to play fair." He smiles when Eddie rolls his eyes.
"Ugh. Fine. But if you die in this shower, you're paying for my therapy. And buying us a new trailer." Eddie concedes as Steve hums in agreement, latches himself onto Eddie's neck, his tongue on Eddie's throat making him shiver.
"A double wide. Nice and spacious." Steve kisses up his neck.
"Anything you want." He agrees against Eddie's mouth.
"Anything I want." Eddie sighs, his hands moving down Steve's back.
"Anything at all. Just touch me Ed's. Please. Miss your hands on me." He whispers between kisses, his hands in Eddie's hair now, holding him close. Eddie groans, moves his hips into Steve's and then moves his hands down, slides them between them.
"Anything you want Steve. Wanna make you feel good." Eddie pants, Steve's hips fucking into his hands perfectly. Steve moves one hand down, curls his fingers around Eddie's cock and just, holds him, the way Eddie likes.
"Always do. Make me feel so good." Steve breathes into his skin as Eddie drags him over the edge.
They lay in bed after, both only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, all of them belonging to Eddie. Fresh and clean. The dried blood is gone from Steve's head, leaving just the cuts and bruises. Eddie moves his hand through Steve's hair as he lays beside him, Steve looking up at him with big, warm, eyes. He seems more coherent now, more with it.
"Thank you. I needed that." Steve says, his head nuzzling into Eddie's fingers. Eddie smiles down at him.
"Needed what? The shower or the orgasm?" Eddie bites his lip when Steve smiles, all dopey and goofy.
"Yeaaah." He sighs dreamily. Eddie shoves gently at his face.
"Idiot." He rolls his eyes. But Steve catches his wrist and pulls Eddie close, down, so Eddie's chin is resting on his shoulder.
"Seriously. Thank you." He moves his hand up Eddie’s arm, up his neck, into his hair, cups the back of his head. Eddie just nods, feeling like he might cry again.
"Sure. I- I didn't know what else to do." He admits, his fingers tangling in his own shirt on Steve's chest.
"You did great. It was perfect." His eyes are drooping now, eyelashes fluttering as he tries to keep his eyes open. Eddie moves his hand, trails his fingers down over Steve's face, it makes him smile, his eyes falling shut.
"Go to sleep. I'll be here if you need me." Eddie whispers, curling closer to Steve.
"Always need you." Steve mumbles, and he's alseep now, talking nonsense, saying things he won't remember in the morning. But Eddie holds the words close, and holds Steve close, and does his best to try and sleep.
Sleep never comes. But Steve leaves. He wakes in the middle of the night, maybe 2 am. And Eddie lays there, pretends to be asleep. And listens to him shuffle around quietly. He thinks he hears paper rustle but he's not sure. He just lays there, and lets Steve leave, his heart aching in his chest.
He counts to three hundred after he hears Steve's car drive away and then turns his lamp on. Stands up and walks to his desk. The writing is messy, and lopsided, it's hard to write in the dark. But the note is nice. At least Steve tried.
'I am so sorry. I had to leave. I forgot my parents are coming back tomorrow. Today? I don't know. But if I'm not there, they'll lose their shit. If they notice... but I can't risk it.
Thank you.
Again.
I'll be back.
-Steve'
There's a crooked little smiley face at the bottom. The note makes Eddie's chest ache for a different reason. He goes back to bed, and finally drifts off to sleep.
~°~
They don't tell anyone. Both of them acting annoyed when Dustin mentions the other, biting their tongues and pretending they don't know each other. And it's... easier. Eddie guesses. Easier than telling a group of kids and risking losing them. Eddie's pretty sure none of them would care.
Steve comes to his trailer every Saturday. Wayne knows about them. He has weekends off now. So they all hang out and watch movies, Eddie and Steve curled up together under blankets. They almost always fall asleep before the movie ends. Wayne jokes about them being old men.
And then Chrissy dies.
And Eddie runs.
And they find him in the boat house, starving and scared. And he doesn't even register that it's Steve he has shoved against the wall until Dustin is yelling at him. Robin giving them both worried looks. Her eyes jumping back and forth between him and Steve until Steve gives her a stern look.
The kids don't catch on. Nancy does. Sees the way Steve's worried. His eyes darting to the walky anytime Eddie calls them. And the way he runs when Eddie tells them he's as Skull Rock. She sees it, and it... makes sense. She'd seen Steve watching him once, in the cafeteria, he'd been up on a table, yelling about something, and the other boys had looked annoyed, or disgusted, but not Steve. Nancy swore she saw him smile, before he noticed her looking and hid it, looked away. But it made sense.
And then Eddie almost dies. And Dustin, he watches Steve carry Eddie out, get him to safety. Watches him frantically try to hold Eddie's blood inside his body as it flows out over his hands, Steve screaming as Eddie's hand, clutching at his arm, goes limp.
Dustin watches him sit with Eddie, every day, with him and Wayne. Watches the way Wayne drops a blanket over his shoulders, ruffles his hair, and tells him to get some rest. He watches Steve beg Eddie to wake up, tears in his eyes as he clutches his hand to his face, whispering into his fingers. And he gets it.
"You love him." Dustin says one day, after watching Steve struggle to read to Eddie for half an hour. He takes the book from Steve, settles his hand over Steve's shaking one. Steve doesn't even try to deny it. Just nods, keeping his eyes on Eddie. Always on Eddie.
"I don't understand. I thought you didn't like him. That you barely knew him." Dustin says, his voice quiet, pondering, peicing things together in his brain as he speaks. Steve shakes his head.
"I lied. We both lied. We've- we've been together awhile. I- was scared to tell you guys. I didn't wanna lose you. Any of you." Steve shakes his head, frowning as he moves his thumb over the back of Eddie's hand, his eyes still not leaving him.
"You wouldn't have lost us Steve. We love you. Both of you." Dustin rests his hand on Steve's shoulder.
"Yeah." He scoffs, a bitter laugh leaving him as a tear falls down his cheek.
"That's what Eddie said. But I was too scared. So we kept it a secret. I kept him a secret. And now he's-" Steve sobs, and Dustin is on him in an instant, holding him close. Steve sobs into his chest so hard that neither of them hear the change in heart rate on Eddie's monitor. But they do hear,
"Did somebody die?" Eddie's groggy voice ask. Steve gasps, and turns back to Eddie, it looks like it's taking everything in him to keep his eyes open as he he blinks heavily at them.
"No. No we're all okay. Max got hurt, but she's healing. She's doing good." Steve says in a rush, grabbing Eddie's hand and holding it to his mouth, kissing his fingers as Dustin cries and holds his other hand. Eddie nods, frowns.
"Wayne?" He asks, Steve nods.
"He just left. He went to get us food. We've been here for ages man. He was tired of hospital food." Dustin says, scooting his chair closer. Eddie smiles, a little hum leaving him.
"Course he did. Hates... hospital food." Eddie sighs, deep in his chest, and is asleep again. Dustin looks across the bed at Steve, grinning.
"He's okay." Dustin breathes. Steve nods, Dustin nods back, more enthusiasm building as they smile at each other.
"He's okay." Steve laughs, and laughs and laughs. Both of them jumping up from their seats, hugging each other and laughing. They're still crying when Wayne gets back, smiles shining on their faces.
"What is it?" Wayne asks, setting the bags of food down, his hands shaking as his eyes roam over Eddie.
"He woke up. He's okay. Asked where you were." Steve says, choking a little on the lump in his throat. Wayne's lip trembles then, and he's bending over the foot of the bed, his hands holding Eddie's feet as he cries.
"I leave for ten damn minutes." He mutters, half laughing, half crying, and then Eddie's feet twitch in his hands and he looks up to see his nephews eyes on him. His face scrunched up.
"Tickles." Is all Eddie says, and then Wayne is hugging him, crying into his shoulder as Eddie cries into his, both of them clinging to each other.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Eddie sobs, clawing at his uncle's shoulder the best he can.
"It's okay. Your okay. That's all that matters." Waybe says back, soothing Eddie's hair gently, Steve and Dustin holding each other as they start crying again.
~°~
Eddie and Max are in the hospital for about a month, before they let them go.
Max is in a wheelchair, with the hope of walking again someday. She can see, a little, not great. But it's something. Her and Eddie have a running joke that maybe if he bites her she'll get echo-location, like a bat. Dustin doesn't find it funny.
Eddie's covered in scars but otherwise alright.
They've got a new trailer. A double wide. Two bedrooms. Eddie shows it off to Steve like he's a realtor. Everyone brings a mug from home as their house warming gifs for Wayne. He gets flustered and has to go outside for about ten minutes. Comes back in wiping at his face, grumbling about allergies.
After the kids are gone, and Wayne 'retires to his room'. He says that every night now, it makes Eddie laugh, every. single. time. Steve stays. Doesn't wanna go home. His parents had made it back home fine. But they just,
... didn't care about Steve. So he didn't care to be there. He wraps his arm around Eddie's shoulder, pulls him closer on the couch. Leans his head back and looks at him.
Eddie notices and shakes his head, frowning. Steve moves his fingers into Eddie hair, his eyes flutter, he leans into the touch.
"Don't." Eddie says, quiet. Steve sighs, brings his hand to Eddie's cheek, the one without the scar. Eddie won't meet his eyes.
"Hey." Steve says, Eddie refuses to look at him.
"Ed's come on. Look at me." Steve bites his lip, watches Eddie shake his head, the smallest amount of movement.
"I told you I don't-" he cuts off, rolls his eyes, swallows hard. He's trying not to cry. It happens a lot these days. Steve smiles, takes Eddie's hand, brings it to his lips, kisses his knuckles.
"You don't want me to look at you? Ever again?" Steve asks, kissing into Eddie's palm, up over his wrist, his lips leaving a trail of goosebumps along Eddie's skin. Eddie pouts, being dramatic now, and shrugs.
"Maybe. Maybe you'll just have to close your eyes." Eddie huffs. Steve can see him wanting to cross his arms, but he hasn't yanked his hand away from Steve's kisses yet.
"Oh yeah? What about when I take your shirt off? Gonna make me close my eyes then too?" Steve teases, scoots closer, kissing up Eddie’s shoulder now. Eddie freezes, turns to look at him.
"Why would you be taking my shirt off?" He sounds... genuinely confused. Steve stops kissing him, his brow furrowed, he glances toward Wayne's closed bedroom door.
"Umm... so I can see you naked. And have sex with you and stuff." Steve says, trying to keep it simple, because Eddie seems to be struggling with this concept currently.
"Sex. You're thinking about sex." Eddie says, his hands moving over his thighs nervously, wiping his palms. Steve shrugs, shakes his head.
"I mean, just then, all I was really thinking about was kissing. But... you uh... you don't seem to be on the same page as me right now. So that- that can wait." Steve says, keeping his voice calm. His hand moving to settle over Eddie's.
"Why would you wanna kiss me right now? I have ointment all over my face. It's- I'm-" he cuts himself off, eyes wide. Steve looks at him, widens his own eyes.
"You're what?" He asks, with a tone. He knows exactly what Eddie was gonna say. Eddie shakes his head, his eyes darting away from Steve again.
"You're gross? Is that what you were gonna say?" Steve knows he sounds mad, he can't help it. He's not mad at Eddie, he's just, mad at Eddie's brain. They've had this conversation so many times now. Eddie shrugs.
"I am. I'm all slimey. And this ointment smells so gross. It literally turns my stomach Steve. I don't feel sexy." Eddie huffs, dabbing at his cheek with his sleeve, then full on wiping, rubbing at the ointment smeered there, tears welling in his eyes.
"Hey hey hey." Steve calms him, uses his own sleeve to clean Eddie's face, the scar on his cheek is red, and angry. Steve sooths his fingertips over it gently. Eddie pulls away. Does cross his arms now.
"I'm covered in scars Steve. It's not-"
"I'm covered in scars too! I mean," he waves his hands at his body,
"They're everywhere. I'm covered. We match, remember?" His voice softens, there are still tears in Eddie's eyes as he shakes his head, rolls his eyes at Steve.
"It's not the same." He huffs, wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand.
"How is it not the same? Ed's some of them are literally the same." He rests his hand on his side, one of the matching scars they have. But it doesn't help.
"Because! Even with the scars you're still beautiful! And I'm just-" he bites his lip, clamps it hard between his teeth as he looks at Steve, his eyes wide, and guilty, and full of tears. Steve tries to move closer, Eddie shakes his head. Steve mirrors him.
"I don't understand." Steve's voice is small, he genuinely doesn't understand, and he knows it's hurting Eddie, that he's frustrating him, he just doesn't know why. Eddie sighs, his teeth digging painfully into his lip.
"Because you're beautiful. And I'm not, Steve. I'm not. I mean I never was, but now I've got this." He moves his hand like he gonna slap his face and Steve grabs it, clutches Eddie hand to his chest.
"But you are." Steve says, slowly, that confusion still tinting his voice.
"Steve-" Eddie starts to shake his head, to pulls away. Steve pulls him closer, squeezes Eddie's hand.
"You are." He says again, adamant. But he can see the doubt in Eddie's eyes, sees that he wants to roll his eyes again, to deny it.
Steve surges forward, crashes his lips to Eddie's, cradles his face gently as he calms, sweetens the kiss, smiles into it when Eddie makes one of his little pleased noises. He moves then, kissing over Eddie's cheek, pressing his lips gently to the scar there, peppering gentle kisses all over it until he makes his way down to Eddie's neck. There are scars here too, and Steve takes his time, presses his lips to every inch of them until Eddie is shivering and whimpering in his arms. He kisses back up, finds Eddie's lips again and growls,
"Take your shirt off." Low in his throat, licking across Eddie's bottom lip, making him gasp as he pulls back, away from Steve.
"Wha-"
"Take. Your shirt off." Steve repeats, his voice stern. Eddie gulps, but reaches for his shirt. Steve helps him pull it over his head, tosses it across the room and immediately attaches his mouth to Eddie's chest, kissing over the scars here the same way he had the one's on his face and neck, light kisses, feather soft, so he doesn't hurt him, wouldn't dream of that.
His lips reach the unblemished skin of Eddie's stomach and he presses his tongue against him, Eddie arches up into him.
"Steve." He breathes, quiet, his hand grabbing at Steve's hair. Steve smiles into the soft skin of his stomach and then bites down, not hard, just hard enough to suprise Eddie.
"Jesus Christ!" Eddie gasps, yanking Steve up by his hair to glare at him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Eddie hisses, but his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are more black than brown, Steve smiles, crawls on top of Eddie, slides his hand over Eddie's unscathed cheek, presses his fingers into Eddie's skin hard,
"I love you. And you're beautiful. And I'm-"
"Insatiable." Eddie supplies, before he blinks owlishly.
"Wait you- you love me?" He whispers, forehead creasing in a frown. Steve bites his lip, looks a tad bashful. But he nods.
"Yeah. I really do. I've got it bad. I love you Eddie Munson." He breathes, his thumb moving over the corner of Eddie's mouth. Eddie doesn't say anything, just stares, blinking at Steve. He gulps, feels Eddie's heart pounding against his chest.
"Do you... do you not-"
"No I do! Of course I do. Fuck sorry. My brain just like, short circuited there, of course I love you. I love you so much it's, like, genuinely terrifying sometimes. I love you. I love you!" Eddie grabs Steve's face and kisses him, Steve laughing as his outburst, Eddie was almost yelling now.
"I love you too!" Steve said, matching Eddie's volume and almost yelling into his mouth. Eddie cackles, let Steve press kissing into his cheek again, holding him close, his hand in Steve's hair.
"I love the paid of ya, but if you don't shut up I'm tossing y'all out on your asses for the night!" Wayne's voice carried through the walls to the living room.
"Sorry Uncle Wayne! Love you too!" Eddie called back as Steve stiffled his laughter in Eddie neck.
"Would you shut up. You're gonna get us kicked out." Eddie hissed, but he was pressing kisses into Steve's hair. Once he composed himself he leaned back, untangling himself from Eddie and looking him in the eyes.
"I really do love you." He says, serious. Eddie nods.
"I love you too." He presses a soft kiss to Steve lips and then drags him up, and into Eddie's bedroom. They tangle back together under his covers, Eddie wrapped around Steve like an octopus, his arms wrapped around Steve's middle, holding him close, his face shoved into Steve's hair, just breathing him in.
They lay there, in silence, for a few moments, hell, it could have been hours, Steve could never get enough of it. And then he feels Eddie smile into his neck.
"What?" Steve asks, he can't not. Eddie snorts, nuzzles his nose into Steve neck.
"Told you you needed to get fucked." Eddie whispers, his fingers tickling at Steve's ribs. Steve barks a laugh and slaps his hand over his mouth, both of them cringing, waiting for Wayne to shout again.
Nothing happens.
"Ya know what?" Steve whispers back.
"And don't get used to this, because it's rare. But you were right." Steve teases.
"Hey! I am right at least 50 percent of the time around here." Eddie says, indignation in his voice, Steve opens his mouth to argue but,
"BOYS!"
"Sorry Wayne! We're sleeping now!" Steve calls back.
"Yeah sorry! We love you!" Eddie calls, Steve twists around and clamps his hand over Eddie's mouth, he makes a little "hey!" sound, muffled but readable. They can hear Wayne laughing through the wall. Steve smiles at him, brightly, moves his hand, kisses Eddie quickly, just a peck, and then twists back around, snuggling into Eddie's arms as he pulls him close.
Steve is nearly alseep when he feels Eddie's teeth sink into his shoulder, he just manages to catch the yelp that escapes him in the crook of his arm, then he groans, dropping his head back down on their pillow.
"You're so weird." He whispers, nudging his elbow back into Eddie. He just pulls him closer, smiles into his shoulder.
"Hmm. You like it." He hums. Steve sighs, sinks back into Eddie's warmth,
"Yeah. I do. Kinda charming." Steve teases, wiggling his hips back into Eddie. Eddie just meets him half way, pressing his hips into Steve's ass with a,
"Told ya so." As he snuggles closer.
"Yeah yeah." Steve grumbles, turns himself in Eddie's arms, buries his face in Eddie's chest, and breathes him in, as Eddie wraps his arm up over Steve's head, pulling him closer as they both drift away, Eddie's smile pressed into Steve's perfectly messy hair.
#steddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#steve x eddie#steddie fic#steddie smut#my writing#mine#my fic#hi this happened during a writing black out i dont know what happened but here we are
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find a word
i got tagged by @lightning-chicken to find the words snap, blue, echo and flicker in my fics/wips! Yessss I love this game ahaha thank u Key!! (I only have two active wips atm tho so don't expect too much variety ahaha)
i'd tag some people but I'm drawing a blank on people who haven't been tagged, soooo if you're a fic writer out there feeling eager here's four words for ya: dance, horror, flood, and opposite!
snap- In the Company of the Stars (ch4, unpublished)
“…he was so genuine, Jay. I know that seems stupid, but, you didn't have the chance to talk to him…I, man, you should’ve seen him! He moved like magic, had such a gentle way with words, was silly, sweet, a little shy, but...still wasn't afraid to tell me and show me just what he thought about me."
Jay shakes his head. “Cole—"
“I know how it sounds! But I’ve spent years dealing with people proclaiming how much they wanted to be with me—"
“Oh no, that’s horrible.”
“—and I can see it on their faces every time that they never really meant it!”
Jay’s mouth snaps shut as Cole jumps back to his feet. He starts pacing back and forth, working himself up as he rambles.
“It was never about me with those people; it was the power, the money, the prestige…! Or that they felt obligated, or even pity sometimes, because how could I have gotten this far without finding anybody, right?! What kind of failure of a prince am I?!"
blue- In the Company of the Stars (ch4, unpublished)
Giddy with shameless glee, Cole scoops up the blue bouquet as well, inhaling the inviting floral aroma that makes him more ready for the day than any cup of coffee could ever hope to. He falls back upon his bed in a fit of laughter, coddling the bouquet in lieu of who he’d really like to be hugging right now.
Even if the other party isn't here right now, Cole's never felt more beloved.
Jay, meanwhile, leans in Cole’s doorway as the prince frolics around the room, beginning to sing wildly off-key. The retainer's expression remains absolutely gobsmacked, unsure of whether to be pleased that Cole’s found some sense of joy in this crazy situation…or show some concern for their guests who are wondering just who is "strangling an ostrich from three doors down".
echo- The Legend of the Green Ninja Lives (Ch4, unpublished)
Lloyd wouldn’t really call himself an early riser, so much as an…insomniac.
If it’s not general restlessness, it’s nightmares, and if it’s not nightmares then it’s the thousand-and-one things going through his head at once. And with how yesterday went…it’s no wonder his thoughts just wouldn’t shut up.
He tries pushing all his thoughts down, giving the world a golden hue as he does…but, that has the opposite effect consisting of total, complete silence in his mind. And an echoing nothing is just as unsettling as constant, self-depreciating thoughts.
So, Lloyd wakes up. Even if only in the physical sense.
flicker- The Legend of the Green Ninja Lives (Ch--, unpublished)
"…I just wish life would stop hurting me."
Lloyd stills. Gold flickers at the edge of his vision. He inhales, and his voices quivers as he says,
"…yeah, me too."
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Omg not to overwhelm you or anything but look how much progress you're making!!! I know it's not fun to look back at the past but comparing your original post where you came back to now, can you see the difference? Or at least feel it? I know it's been around maybe a week since then(maybe, I'm kinda horrible with time) but look at you go lady!! You're simultaneously taking your time/precautions while almost speed running it and I'm so happy to see it
Oh thank you! HAHA "taking your time while almost speedrunning" made me laugh. Yeah I literally thought to myself yesterday that I think I'm like, 70% okay with the color pink most days now??? I've been flinching seeing it since January, now I only flinch on my Really Bad Days! or I'm handling it at least much better than I used to when I get anxious seeing it, I'm able to ground myself much easier. Which is great! I love pink, I don't want to flinch at it, I want to enjoy it. Now I only get the flashbacks when seeing that color if I'm having a rly rly bad/fragile day. I know I can't look at any pink transformer right now (so sorry Arcee and Elita-1 my wives 😔) but I can look at Princess Bubblegum and Pinkie Pie without any problems now. So that might be healing... knock on wood...
I'm hoping I can have that same improvement with the clothes I associated with my abuser too, I've been actually thinking about purchasing a JBWKZ crop top and wearing my shorts/boots with it when I'm alone in the house for maybe 10 minutes on a good day and seeing if that helps me overcome the trigger. Psychologists say it takes 30 days to break or form a habit, if I did that for 30 days I might feel so much better. Or at least, I will feel more in control. Or I can draw my S/I wearing Charlie Watson's outfits, or Marceline's outfits, bc they wear that same type of clothing... I've been trying to draw my S/I in a red cloak when she's with Steeljaw, like trying to view it as a little red riding hood thing, something safe. It's still really hard for me but god I want to get better so bad. I will do anything to make the ptsd go away. I am 100% willing to look at these things every single day (if I know I'm in a safe enough headspace to allow the feelings to wash over me instead of consume me) if it makes the healing process go faster. I hate feeling this way, I am so angry that someone made me like this. I want myself back, I miss Me more than anything else in the world and I am getting Me back!!! no matter what!!!
I was having a rly rly rly bad day yesterday so I was offline the whole day (my queue is always rolling, all the happy tags you see on my reblogged posts are from almost a year ago). And I was like, dang I'm never getting better, I'm stuck like this forever, I just want back what was stolen from me blahblahblah the usual depressed spiral, I felt that way a bit today too after waking up :( my anxiety is so present right now, there is SO much dread in my chest it feels like there's a physical weight on it. But I used to feel like this EVERY day! I've had 3 days in the last 10 days where I didn't have an anxiety attack even once! That's so big for me!!! Sometimes I wake up feeling shaky but the dread/weight of anxiety is not as strong, and I consider those days easier to work with. And I used to have days where nothing was "easier to work with" it was just hell. I wouldn't say that I'm feeling so much better than before, I am still really hurting, but I am feeling better! which is something!
And yeah you're right, if you compare how I was like, crying while writing my pinned, fully believing nobody was going to be there for me, I was like "I'm gonna write this whole vent post to explain where I went, nobody will believe me, I'll open 5 commission slots to pay off the most recent hospital bill and then I'll leave again and no one will have to care bc I'm not worth caring about" (which wasn't just a self depreciative depression thing, that was like, a genuine belief that was instilled into me for so long). And then immediately I got bombarded with people giving me the kindest words. I got almost 250 messages in the span of just 4 days, all of them people saying they want me to get better and that they hear me, they see me, they are acknowledging what I went through. I spent so long isolated with one single person who put me down continuously, and my family who truly did not feel concerned when I was trying to end my life. I did not expect people to be kind to be because I was conditioned to believe I'm not worthy of kindness. So the fact that I was able to go on my blog and receive that almost immediately? I actually felt like myself for a solid 6 hours the other day because people were writing nice comments on my art and telling me they want me to reclaim my TF F/Os and they're cheering for me. I didn't think I could accomplish something like that, feeling like myself I mean, bc I've been feeling so bad for so so long. I really hope I still have the capability of improving from here.
I'm still very numb most days and I've been masking my feelings trying to be rly enthusiastic with my public responses, putting a bunch of hearts and smiley faces when answering asks... today I'm struggling a bit, but I think I have improved at the same time. even if it's just a little, the improvement is visible to me and that gives me hope.
#anonymous#asks#keepsake#hahaha im speedrunning this healing process [finn voice] boyEEEE#hell yeah you ARE right anon. look at me go#looking at me right now compared to january. jesus christ#for me the biggest difference will be IF i can self ship again#so im not noticing the other differences like... how im handling my triggers#im having a bad day today so im actually kinda struggling to see my progress#but like. im sure theres more im not seeing
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I had a sensory overload today and cried on my boyfriend chest, so you're all getting headcanons so I can make myself feel better! Don't pay any attention as to how late it is!
Jacob:
-He has so little confidence in himself that it's actually sad
-Cannot be stopped from making self depreciating jokes, no matter how many times people tell him it's not good
-If this boy had a tiktok it would be blank. Maybe a cartoon pfp, but not a single video (Same bruh same)
Emma
-Out of everyone in the loop, she's the best at makeup. Doesn't mean she wears it all the time, but when she does good shit
-If she's in a bad mood, she can destroy you with words if she wants to. Luckily, this doesn't happen often, especially not to her friends. Random men that don't leave her alone on the other hand...
-For a while she had a "I'm not like other girls" thing going on, especially whenever Noor first came around. Not really there anymore though
Millard
-Do you ever get sensory overloads and cry? Then boy, do I have the cure for you! Cry while he hugs you. Automatic cure, I can confirm this right now from personal experience
-Sometimes he gets a little too focused on something and won't realize just how late he's said up until someone has to actually drag him to bed
-Gives the best and most thoughtful gifts. Oh? You collect pinned bugs? He's finding out where to get a rare pinned bug and giving you that on Valentine's day! Yes, that's what he did for me, I love him so much #justfictivethings lol
Hugh
-Out of everyone in the loop, he has the most...complex feelings about his gender. Being so tied to bees, he's beegender, but with that comes some strange feelings. Most bees are female, so he does feel a strong connection to femininity. But at the same time, he still feels tied to drones/male bees.
-He tries not to think too much about it, and maybe keeps it bottled up a bit too much. Maybe it's because it stresses him out to ponder too much. Maybe he's embarrassed to talk about it. No matter what though, he does feel a lot of gender euphoria wearing skirts and confusing people about what gender he is.
-His sexuality is probably just as confusing to find an exact label, but it's not something he worries about. He just ends up using the term queer and calls it a day
Fiona
-Fiona being plantgender surprises no one, and it never will. Same with her being bi. She just...you can just look at her and tell
-She's probably the least happy in a modern setting. Everything is just...too much for her. She likes the whole cottagecore thing, but she'd much rather keep to her usual ways. So still stuck in the late 1800's
-She has a way to talk to Hugh with just...looks. Slight facial expressions, body language, they just know each other that well. More often than not, they're flirting with each other like this out in the open
Enoch
-Was put on kitchen duty once....Once. The peculiars don't talk about this often
-You can't pay him to play sports with the other boys. He'd sooner pull teeth
-I am voting him as most likely to have filled his homework with doodles
Horace
-He's not a fan of many things in the modern day, but he does appreciate a few things. Easier tools for cooking, Google, and easy access to fabric to name a few things
-What he isn't a fan of though? Fashion (obviously), dance trends, and the modern humor
-His scream could break glass
Bronwyn
-HATES it when people call her a man for whatever reason. On bad days, it makes her cry
-She has a bit of hyper empathy with animals, especially baby ones
-A boy hit on her ONCE and she felt physically nauseous about it for a whole WEEK
Claire
-Says her favorite Disney princess is Aurora because her dress is pink, it's actually Cinderella because of the song "so this is love"
-She sees everyone in the loop as her siblings, but especially Enoch
-In a modern setting, she is addicted to those dress up flash games, bonus points if they're princess themed
Olive
-Sometimes she rolls her ankle in those big shoes, there are a lot of tears from that
-Has stepped on toes before! Bones were indeed broken!
-Master at finding lost items. No idea why
Bonus Victor!
-Horrible about confessing his feelings
-Makes horrible decisions when he gets nervous. It's like all critical thinking goes out the window
-Seems like the type with pencil graphite stuck in his hand permanently somewhere
#miss peregrines home for peculiar children#ransom riggs#jacob portman#emma bloom#millard nullings#hugh apiston#fiona frauenfeld#enoch o'connor#horace somnusson#bronwyn bruntley#olive elephanta#claire densmore#victor bruntley
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Sooooo sometimes I get self-depreciating concerning my looks, ya know? That's normal, right? And its not all the time. Sometimes I don't think about it at all and there are some times where I actually think I look pretty. But those self-deprecating times are tough. And when thinking about twst, what better comparison that Beauty and the Beast? Sometimes I want to imagine telling twst boys that he's the beauty and I'm the beast. I want them to reassure me. Make me feel loved. But I can't actually imagine it lol. I can only think maybe they'll draw the parallel that Belle fell for the beast despite his looks.
-Fake Date Sebek Anon.
Hello Fake Date Sebek Anon 🌺🌷💞
I understand what you mean about self-depreciating thoughts. They just love to come out of nowhere and smack you in the face 😣😔
But honestly Anonie, that’s all that they are. Thoughts. Never trust your thoughts after a certain time of night (I believe after 10pm), maybe some water and food and a good sleep will help. I won’t lie and say it isn’t hard Anonie. It is hard not to have these thoughts.
But even if it doesn’t help much, remember Anonie, you are doing your best. And I think that’s amazing! Reality is not easy to live in. But look at you now, you are trying your best and continue going despite these thoughts and whatever else is hurled at you. And I think that’s beautiful. 🌷🙏
Also!! You say the twst boys would say that the Belle fell for the Beast?? Are you implying they are the Belle?? Let me stop you there.
Them?! Can they talk?!? Yeah, they have the looks and the money and what have you. But they are no Belle!!
You are the Belle to be able to handle all that and more.
Like they can speak!
I think that’s what they would find attractive fake date sebek Anonie, that despite all that you know about them, you stayed and chose to love them.
That’s the beauty they see in you and they love you for. 🌷🌺💞
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MY MӨƬΉΣЯƧ DΛЦGΉƬΣЯ
(pictures above show Penelope for those wondering)
contains: cussing, innuendos, mentions of SA, and I think that's all?
Summary: Alara Tok is a 18 year old daughter of Aphrodite, this is a recounting of her last years at CHB. Alara begins to plan for the summer solstice, and has intimate conversations with Ben and Penelope.
Previous:
1, 2, 3
___________________________________________
Two days later I found myself sitting around the fire with Penelope and Leya while the Apollo cabin led everyone in a mildly successful sing along. I stared at the cocoa in my hands and thought of the fact that all my friends will be in college in 4 months and I'll still be at camp half blood. Right as the thoughts got really self depreciating Pen started calling my name from her spot next to me.
"Al, how are you feeling about the solstice? Have you thought of anything to present?" She asked while Leya grabbed them smores sticks.
"No? I don't know, you know mom doesn't really accept criticism anyways. Whatever, maybe I'll just show another lipstick that's actually a dagger."
"Ugh I just want to impress her this year. She never reaches out and I want to wow her. It's genuinely like the only person impressive enough for her is herself. I'm so sick of having to earn her attention. Oh gods what if she makes Leya hate me cuz I said that?!!!" Her hands flew to her mouth as her coal lined eyes frantically searched for her girlfriend.
"What about me love?" Leya came behind her right then, holding the sticks for their marshmallows in either hand. Leya Brookes is 19, with straight brown hair that ends 3 inches below her shoulders, brown eyes, freckles along her cheeks and shoulders, and a carabiner that held her wallet, a pocket knife, and a water bottle on her at all times. She was wearing her oversized camp halfblood shirt, denim Bermuda shorts (that Pen has tried to burn more than once) a green crocheted headband pushing her hair out of her face and some truly heinous hiking shoes. The two make an odd paring, Penelope in a cropped version CHB shirt and tiny ripped shorts, her curls pulled into a perfect braid with the tiny flowers Leya picked woven through, and chunky hoops dangling from either ear. When Pen told me she liked her 2 1/2 years ago I laughed and asked if she was running a charity for youth with bad cuticles and split ends. She cried and told me how Leya was the only one who took her seriously at sword practice and helped her. I've never made fun of her since.
"Oh thank Gods! Come here now my love! You are not leaving my sight all night!" Pen practically pounced on her and promptly forgot about our conversation.
I looked towards Ben from across the fire and saw him staring at Annie (the so called love of his life) as she giggled with her boyfriend who was feeding her chips. Ben looked close to tears. I walked over and sat next to him before I grabbed his hand and layed my head on his shoulder.
"Don't torture yourself Ben. She has a boyfriend and it just makes you miserable." I sighed as I weaved my fingers through his large calloused ones.
He turned his head to rest on mine before replying, "I just can't think of anything but her when she near. I love you, you know that, but she's different. She's all I've wanted since I was 14. And she's with that asshole."
"Ok well, he's not an asshole, he's a perfectly decent guy, you just don't like him cuz he's dating Annie. And secondly, if you want her that badly just tell her. You'll probably get punched when Cole finds out, but you're stronger anyways so it wouldn't hurt that bad. If she says no, then you can get some closure and finally move on."
"I'm just not ready to start envisioning a life where I'm with anyone but her." He shakily breathed.
I lifted my head to look at him. "Ben. You are 18 years old. You are going to college soon. You are cute, and sweet, and very funny. Plus, you have several adorable little sisters. You will meet so many people in your life and do so many amazing things. If Annie is not the one for you, it'll hurt but you will meet someone else. Do you know many smart girls there are in college? A ton. It's college."
He started lightly laughing and pulled me in for a hug, while whispering "If only we actually liked each other like that. We'd be a hot couple."
I pulled back with a laugh and said "Oh hell yeah we would. In another lifetime we were the Blake and Ryan of CHB. Wanna go make out in my empty cabin?"
"Oh gods yes."
With that we got up and practically sprinted off to cabin 10.
Two hours later I was pulling back the covers to my bed and applying coconut oil to my hair and nails when Vivienne came and sat on the edge of my bed.
"When are you gonna end it with Ben?" She blinked up at me while rubbing her rose quarts facial roller across her face as she did every night.
I looked over at her, annoyed that she couldn't ever just mind her business.
"I don't know? Whenever I meet someone? Or whenever he decides to finally ask Annie out. Why does it matter?" I asked as I braided my hair back with a silk scrunchie.
"Just wondering. How big is it?" She leaned forward with an evil smile on her face as she said this.
"Oh gods Viv, shut the hell up. But really how big it?" Asked Pierce our half brother while his twin sister Savanna giggled from her bed beside him.
"I am NOT going to tell you that!! You're both 15, and it's no one business!" I pushed Vivienne off the bed and heard her yell "THESE ARE SILK PJS YOU BEHEMOTH!!!"
"That means it's big!!" Dawson our 11 year old brother yelled from across the room while everyone dissolved into laughter.
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" I threw a pillow across the room at them, and shouted out "AND DAWSON YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO SAY THAT STUFF!!" I huffed as I popped in my retainers.
"If I have it I'm old enough to say it!" He laughed while dodging the pillow and running back to his bunk.
"Alright guys, cut it out. Ben's huge dick is none of our business!" Penelope unhelpfully cut in.
"Pen you're a lesbian?!!!" I groaned into my remaining pillow.
"Not liking them and not talking about them are two different things Alara, I can't believe you would label me. Kinda homophobic if you ask me" She giggled as she layed her final card.
"Shut up, I'm going to bed. Sav, check the curlers are off please." With this I turned over and closed my eyes, counting the days until I would get to possibly see my mom.
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Mila: Don't you take your paintings with you? You could meet someone interested in them.
Wolfgang: I have some in the van to show to galleries. And I have pictures of everything in my portfolio, if they want to see more.
M: Maybe don't show the most... explicit in Windenburg? Who knows what they would do to you if they learn that... Well...
W: That I like cock?
M: Schätzchen, please don't speak like that. I was going to say that you're gay.
W: Well, you seemed to have difficulties saying the word. I thought you were OK with it?
M: I am, you know I am. It's just, you leaving for this place... You know I left it for you kids? For your security. And Windenburg is not safe for people like you; you know they made it illegal.
W: I know, Mutty. But, frankly, finding a boyfriend is the last thing on my mind right now. All I want is forgetting about men, actually.
M: Just be careful, Liebling.
W: I will. (look at his brother and Max joking around while hauling boxes) Hey, losers! Easy with those boxes, this is my painting material!
Max: Whatever.
L: Don't worry.
M: I wish you didn't have to go this far.
W: I know, Mutty. But I really need some fresh air. And you'll still have Gunther and Lucas around. And Max, I guess.
M: (chuckles) Yes, this kid seems to spend more time here than at their home.
W: Yes, I think that...
Malcolm: Hello.
Mila: Oh, come in. (to Wolfgang) Liebling, you didn't tell me that your friend was coming to help, I would have prepared something better than sandwiches for lunch.
Mal: Don't worry, Ms Munch, it wasn't planned. I just needed to talk to Wolfgang before he left.
Mila: Lucas, Max, let's go. (not seeing the two teens around) Where are those kids?
W: Probably making out somewhere.
Mila: (sighs) You might be right. Well, I'll let you talk alone, you two.
Mila leaves the garage, allowing Malcolm to reach Wolfgang.
W: (refusing to look at Malcolm) I thought we said our goodbyes yesterday.
M: We did. But... I... Listen, I know your reasons for wanting to leave, and I know I said you should, but I don't want you to go, Puppy.
W: Mal. Don't do that, please.
M: Stay, please. I love you.
W: And I love you too, you're one of my best fr...
M: No. I'm in love with you.
W: I already told you that you aren't. You can't be. Why would you? You're... I'm fucked up, no one, and especially not someone like you, could really love me.
M: But...
W: Mal. Leave, please.
M: You're an idiot, you know? A self-depreciating idiot.
W: I know.
M: (sighs) OK, I'll leave. But you better not lose my number. I want texts or calls at least three times a week, OK?
W: OK. Promise.
M: Good. (kisses Wolfgang one last time before leaving)
W: (once alone) Scheiße.
#ts4#the sims 4#story: all that we are and will never be#sim: wolfgang munch#sim: mila munch#sim: malcolm landgraab#sim: max villareal#sim: lucas munch#wolfie wolfie wolfie...#i love you but you are a bloody dumbarse#render
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Hii I've been reading your stories for a while now but just decided to make a request. It's not quite what you published so far and you can just dismiss it if you'd like, but may I ask for headcannons of which brother is the most likely to enjoy listening "Running up that hill" from Kate Bush? 🥴 Yeah I'm this obsessed with her since the release of stranger things and it got me musing on who would like her too and why. Thank you so much for sharing your great work with us 🌹
Kate Bush x Obey Me
Hello my lovely anon! Thank you so much for requesting this is actually my 3rd ever! Also thank you so much for your kind words, it really made my day since I get insecure about my writing sometimes (especially the fics which is why I have so many HCs). I'm gonna add the side characters, which I don’t normally do, because I feel like some of the bros are in the same position and I don’t wanna make this super short. Holy shit this got really dark ahaha! SO there is fluff and the beginnings are nice but beware of the last 2.
CW: self depreciating thoughts, self blaming, very angsty in Simeon and Beel’s part as well as Lucifer and Belphegor’s.
Diavolo and Luke: I feel like Luke would like this song because he’d think making a deal with God was like making a deal with the Devil. After he grows out of this whole phase though, he’d feel bad for the people. The song still brings him comfort though when he needs it. I feel like Diavolo would just like the sound of it while he’s working. He’d probably show it to Lucifer as well (even if that’s not the best idea).
Satan, Barbatos and Solomon: Satan would see it as a love song that would fit some of the books he was reading. The melody would also bring him peace and allow him to get lost in his own world. Barbatos would simply listen to it because the Young Master does. Even though he prefers metal, he does admit it’s a nice song and even puts it on when he’s cleaning. Solomon is similar to Barbatos, enjoying the melody when he’s making potions.
Asmodeus and Mammon: Both of them would just vibe so hard to this song in the club. Asmo would listen to it more on his own, I feel like Mammon would be into more upbeat hype music. They would hype each other up so good at The Fall though you can’t convince me otherwise.
Leviathan: He just wouldn’t really be into it. If he even did get past the fact that it was normie music, the lyrics might get him in a bad mood if he wants to overthink something (he usually does). I could see him playing just the music in the background though to scratch his ADHD brain in just the right way.
Belphegor and Lucifer: Oh no, bad idea. Both of them feel so guilty about Lilith’s death, they probably couldn’t think of anything else while listening to it. The only reason they’re not last, is because I can see them listening to it to punish themselves and be a constant reminder. Yeah, they need some serious therapy😔
Simeon and Beelzebub: Good lord all I can think about are those Simeon edits. He still feels so bad about not sticking up for the brothers as much as he could’ve and listening to this song just hits him in the worst way. Will absolutely break down, same as Beelzebub. He desperately wishes he could’ve saved both Belphie and Lilith, giving his own life if he had to. Honestly can see the first 100 years of him being a demon praying to his Father for forgiveness; to just take him away and get their sister back.
#OBEY ME#obey me shall we date#obey me fluff#obey me angst#angst no comfort#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me levi#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me asmo#obey me beelzebub#obey me beel#obey me belphegor#obey me belphie#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me luke#obey me solomon
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Shards of the Nexus: Mandelbrot Set
The past can never be returned to, yet it still lives.
Song: I'll Be Good-Jaymes Young
@cardwrecks @captainbaddecisions
“He's not you, you know.”
The club wasn't open yet, but the thrumming energy remained in the copper veins and concrete bones. He'd called her over frantic, something about their illicit prisoner in the upstairs kitchen. The devil in the mirror.
She thought he might have escaped, might have been trying to murder Edward again.
“He used to be.”
“Yes, but even back when he was part of you, you were still more than that.”
“It's fake, Helix. You see that, don't you?” Swag said, self-depreciation threading through his voice. “This party animal lifestyle, it's a cover. He's...right. In that respect. It's just another mask.”
“Is it? Then when he was separated out, why did you remain? If you're fake, why do you still exist?”
He thought about it for a moment.
“Because I'm the original?”
“No you're not!” Helix scoffed.
“You think he is?”
“Nope!”
He paused again, uncertainty crawling across his face.
“Gonna need further analysis.”
“He's what you used to be. But so are you. Your body still bears the scars of those years. You lived them too. You are now what you decided to become, but this incarnation of him came from you, and is brand new. You are the exact same man, each as old and as real as the other. But you are not each other. You have different mindsets, different goals and needs and desires, clearly.
I don't mean it cruelly, Edward. But I don't think either of you are superior or inferior to one another. I think you're different modes of the same man.”
“Yeah, I...I guess, yeah.” Swag said slowly. “He's everything I used to be, and then some. I'm what he chose to become and more. We...the same...Yeah. We're not even brothers, we...we're the same guy. Do you think we can help him? Do you think he can be helped?”
Sometimes the mask cracked. Inclusions in amber flesh, precious flaws. A souls cuneiform scrawled in the earnesty of under-eye circles and watery smiles. A treasure of simple trust, a display of hope, for himself and also for himself.
The tips of her fingers found the curve of his jaw, and his breath stilled under her touch.
“I think that's already been proven.” she said softly.
The scene stamped itself onto the background of reality, lingering in a world of lapis and amber, iolites and summer peaches. Then he stepped away.
“Good, 'cause there's some weird shit goin' on in here.” he said, snapping the moment in an act of self defense. He opened the kitchen door where their prisoner was trapped, peeked inside, then closed the door again just as swiftly.
“Welp.” he sighed in cheerful exasperation. “He's nude. Y'might maybe don't go in there.”
The torrent of magic that flooded from the door was...concerning. She hadn't done anything that should have caused it.
“I have seen naked men before.” she said, distracted by the sour chili burn. “Or are you worried I'll get to comparing?”
Swag stood up much straighter-he seemed tall to her, but then, most everyone did-and pouted dramatically.
“I am three times sexier than he'll ever be, and everyone knows it!” he declared.
“Than the guy who looks exactly like you in every single way?”
“Yes! Clearly! I mean, just look at me! You can't deny it.” he insisted. “But uh, about that looking exactly like me part...Well. Just take a look.”
Helix popped her head inside the door for a moment, taking in what she realized with a swift shock, was a magical wreckage.
Something had gone very wrong.
Magic rolled off of him like mist under a waterfall, an outflow of clashing impressions that stung her mouth and nose in the way of the very hottest habanero lime salsa. Smaller sensations burst under it, nettles, wormwood, newspaper ash, each melding into one another almost too fast to notice, the energy winding its way around her nerves.
Yes, he was nude, and it meant nothing in comparison to the crackling lights in the air, the eerie glow from unnaturally wide cyan eyes. They spotted her, and it was as if he looked through her, at every place she'd ever been, at every version of herself she'd ever been. He drew back at the sight of her, a great mass of shaggy, straw-colored hair spilling over his slim shoulders, hiding most of his bleached skin from her sight.
She entered the room, wading through the atmosphere of thickened magic, Swag trailing in her wake. Unswag crawled to the farthest edge of his binding circle, overgrown fingernails clacking on the tile. He bobbed his head up and down, a series of desperate bows, waving his hands in warding, pleading motions.
“Please...I can hear the name of the mother...” he muttered, his voice a chorus of multiple selves that echoed back and forth, twisting, turning, backwards and upside down. “The mother...her name...”
She could feel Swag shudder behind her, unsure of how much he was actually perceiving. She stopped at the edge of the circle, and Unswag gazed up at them from under his veil of pale hair.
“Hello Brass Man. Hello Hazel Woman. Do you know...the name...the others...the others do...I can hear it...”
“The others?” she asked, surprised. “You can hear them?”
He nodded.
“See and hear...but not clearly. Too many...too much. It won't stop. Please...”
There was nothing wrong with the circle that she could see. None of this should be happening, but that didn't erase the washed out figure before her. She placed her hand on the circle barrier, slipping though as easily as the membrane of a bubble. Unswag cowered.
“Show me what you are seeing.” She commanded. Swag grasped her shoulder, ready to pull her back.
Slowly, hesitantly, Unswag took her hand, long nails digging into her wrist. He looked straight into her eyes, and the magic slammed into her, shattering the world into shimmering facets, shining mirror shards that reflected the moment from every possible angle. An uncountable number of Helixs, Swags, and Unswags reaching out to touch, watching, waiting to see what the next moment held.
She stumbled backwards into Swags arms, and he buckled under her sudden weight.
“Helix? Babe are you alright?” Swag cried. “What did you do to her you pale-ass fucking snake-”
She snapped her fingers, and the circle broke.
“Helix?” Swag asked. Nestled against his chest, she tilted her head back to look into his worried face.
“He's dying.” she whispered. “This world is so much different than I realized. There's just too much magic pouring into him, and he doesn't have any way of releasing it. Eventually it'll thin him out until he's nothing but a ghost, and then he'll dissipate like dry ice. I have to let him out. We were always going to have to let him out.”
Swag helped her find her balance, and both faced the newly freed Unswag.
He hadn't moved.
If he were going to make a break for it, this would have been the perfect chance, but instead he huddled in a messy heap on the kitchen floor.
“O Walker Beyond...” he mumbled. “Bride of the dead...bring us Spring...new life....please...please...”
She reached out to his quaking form, cupping his hollowed cheeks. Her fingers burned against his frigid skin, thumbs brushing the rims of his watering eyes.
“I am going to help you.” she said.
He moaned softly, either in horror or relief.
Swag hovered close, but she let him disappear, let Unswag disappear even as she cradled his face in her hands. Fading back into herself, she let a connection open inside her, allowing the roiling magic mixing within him to flow through her and out into the multitude of miniature realities that made up their universe.
The glow in his eyes flickered out, leaving pleading, saturated cyan, which rolled up, and he collapsed on the flaxen cushion of his overgrown hair.
They knelt beside his prone form. He peered back up at them.
“Do I...die now?” his voice trembled.
She shook her head.
“Not this time.”
Artist: Me, @cardwrecks, verticalthoughts
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