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#I'LL HAVE TO LEARN TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE
body-to-flame · 13 days
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I guess – Mitski
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yuwuta · 6 days
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yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always. 
#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind#but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee#yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT#megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs#so for him yes he bites and barks#but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you?#gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask#always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it#won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you#yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception#unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be#and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine#nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc#pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i#it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too#so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh#now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to#or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway.............#somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing......#this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now....#juju#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu x reader
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meitoscringe · 4 months
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the only thing that unites Zionists is hatred. The thing that keeps their "communities" strong is hatred and ignorance. And they're proud of it to
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fionnaskyborn · 5 months
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there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.
in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.
#i mean this extends to things like world politics also i'm still learning and i'm eager to learn beyond what i am offered but that doesn't#make the process any less fucking terrifying. like sure fuck yeah i'll be a big shot and do it alone and i'll be proud of myself but the#thing is i really really really don't know how to be alone without feeling empty#and it's funny because the thing i yearn for the most is to be free and to create myself and do things on my own and i can do that i've#learned how to be an adult very early on and people say ah you've yet to face the worst but every time they tell me that i tell them i can't#wait#but at the same time sometimes i sit and i wonder why i haven't watched that many movies. was there nobody to watch them with? could i have#asked? could things have been different? is it my fault for never having really wanted things or somebody else's? and i'll never really have#a clear answer to any of those questions or at least not anytime soon because my cranium is messed up and unreliable but i won't get the#answers anywhere else. shrugs. i've yet to start living a life. i don't know when i died but i do know but maybe that's just an idea and#maybe i've been dead all along until some point in the past two years but then what are all those memories i have where did they come from#why are they so far apart why do they feel mine and foreign at the same time. can you guess who my favorite mg character is.#well okay i have like what four or five of those but read the text again and think really really hard about it. i'm just kidding i'm goofing#around at this point. i mean no not really but i am smiling about it. :]#logs
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irascible-iridescent · 3 months
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How the hell I grew up with a feeling that Im a side character who is a love interest who should tragically sacrifice myself for the one I love and die so they have some sort or revelation or motivation to go and achieve their dreams or/and avenge me or learn how to accept grief and moving on?
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luveline · 6 months
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spencer one shot where he’s angry at somebody else [bc he so does look so kissable when he’s angry >:(] maybe someone at one of the precincts they’re working at said something rude about r and he defends u and maybe he gets a lil kiss <3
im thinking “this is calm and it’s doctor” vibes bc that scene does things to me 😭
ty for requesting ♡ fem, 1.1k
cw for sexual harassment
"Jesus," Spencer says, rushing to stand behind you as you bend over. 
"Mm?" you hum. You're fishing for your dropped change unsuccessfully by the precinct vending machines. "They have your chips, did you see?" 
"Your pants are ripped," Spencer says, hand ghosting your thigh. 
"What?" you ask, shooting up. You turn on the spot to hide, hand leaping back. You feel at the seam. "Where?" 
"Top of your thigh." 
"Shit, really? Can you see my–" 
"Yeah," he says, meeting your wide eyes while you locate the rip. "How did you do that?" He laughs. 
"Don't laugh!" you demand, though you're giggling as you do, hand covering your thigh and the bottom of your butt inefficiently. 
"Do you want my jacket?" 
"Don't cover it up, toots." 
You and Spencer both blink. There's a crowd of grinning beat cops by the door of the cafeteria who've obviously witnessed your misdemeanour. "Toots?" Spencer asks. 
"Sorry, boys, that's the end of the show," you say with a grin. Not because you particularly enjoy having been oggled, but it's always been like this. Men will always make weird comments to you, and you've learned to play nice until they're out of your jurisdiction. 
"Turn back around," one says bravely, though you aren't sure which one. 
Spencer stands in front of you subtly. "Do you know that thirty eight percent of women experience sexual harassment in the workplace?" he asks, quick but measured. "Thirty eight percent, but I'm sure a much smaller number of those women are federal agents, and a smaller number again have the capacity to break your arm. I've seen her give serial killers radial fractures. I've seen her do worse." 
"We were just messing around," one says. 
"No need to get defensive," says another. "Don't get mad, boy." 
"I am defensive, but I'm not mad."
His tone attracts the attention of a precinct sergeant who barks at them to stop messing around and get back to work. "Were they bothering you?" he asks after they've filtered out with their heads down. 
"No," you say swiftly. "Everything's fine." 
Spencer frowns, worse when the sergeant leaves, turning to you to take your hand. A few weeks ago at a company picnic, when the sun was high and your spirits comparatively lower, you'd apologised to him for flirting. You love to flirt and especially with him, puppy eyed Spencer with his head of brown hair and his big brain, but some of the team suggested you were taking it too far. You apologised, but Spencer didn't really get what you were saying sorry for and took your hand to lead you out of the sun. He protects you. 
"You okay?" he asks. 
"I'm fine." 
"You sure?" His voice fries. 
"I'm sure," you say. His hand is an interesting thing on yours. He has long, long fingers that seem to possess their own willpower, moving even as they're sewn through yours. "I don't know what to do about my pants." 
Spencer's eyebrows pinch together. "Well, I'll take care of that. I'll find you something. I can't believe those as–" 
"Oh," you interrupt, taking your hand back in want of a better thing to hold, his cheek a mix of soft and scratchy against your palm. "You're still mad." 
"I'm not mad," he insists, though eventually he relents, "Alright, I'm angry that they'd think it was okay to objectify you." 
"What else?" you ask, letting your voice drop in pitch, the sound smooth as angora silk. 
"I'm thinking about if I hadn't been here." 
"I can protect myself," you murmur, endeared by the heat in his gaze. "You said it yourself, handsome. Radial fractures." 
"You shouldn't have to." 
"We both already know that," you say, the side of your hand slipping down his cheek reverently. He squints gently, his lashes dark triangles, his irises a browned sugar. His jaw clenches under your touch. "You're handsome." 
"Right now?" he asks dryly. 
"Are you handsome right now?" 
"Are you really flirting with me right now?" 
"Why wouldn't I be?" You draw a line under his ear whisper soft to curl a longer strand of his hair around the tip. "You look hot when you're winning." 
"What did I win?" he asks, like he doesn't want to know. 
You grin at him, stickying. "Would you like an itemised list?" you ask, rising on tiptoes to speak into the shell of his ear. "What do you think you deserve, handsome? For such a fearless defence?" 
He's not immune to your whims, but he is used to them, planting his hands on your shoulders to ease you back on sure footing. "I don't want anything. I'll always defend you." 
"Can I give you a small token of my gratitude, at least?" 
His pinking cheeks practically emanate heat. "We don't have time for this," he says regretfully, "I still have to find you a coverup." 
"Just a small token," you say. 
He hums and haws. "Alright. Okay, whatever you want." 
"You sure?" 
He nods once, his jaw working with something unsaid. You touch his neck, fingertips trailing along the underside of his jaw until you're sure it's what he wants before you brace your hands behind his head and press a chaste kiss to his cheek, close enough that the corner of his lips align with yours but don't overlap. His neck is hot in your hands, his hair soft, his breath hooking as you lift your lips just a touch and your nose digs into his cheek. "Thank you, Spencer," you whisper. 
He pulls you closer. 
You shudder as his hand presses into the small of your back, wondering what it is he wants to do. His fingers spread. Your thoughts turn to white noise. Like he can sense it, he breathes out and steps away, but any sense of urgency is gone. 
"As much as I might tease, I really do need some pants," you say. "I'm not very interested in anyone else seeing my panties today." 
He rushes off to find you something and you press the backs of your fingers to your cheeks, feeling the heat there with a resigned embarrassment. He has no idea how much power he has over you, in his stony anger and his eager reception. The phantom of his hand warms your back until he returns, his sweater in hand. "Sorry, this is it." 
"If you want me to wear your clothes, just say so." 
"Hotch is pretty pissed at us." 
"Ah," you sigh, tying his sweater around your waist, "another day in paradise, baby." 
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notanactressyayy · 1 month
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—𝐰𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐞—
pairing. ex! Natasha Romanoff x fem! reader
summary. in a day you simply wanted peace, two unexpected visitors showed up. for one of them, you were glad.
warnings. smut! I am NOT responsible for your content consumption! — making out, thigh riding, strap on usage, cursing, angst (w happy ending), soft dom Nat.
notes. my first language is portuguese, so I apologize for any grammar errors. feel free to give me advice, though!
divider credits: @cafekitsune ★
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Natasha Romanoff was known as a cold, ruthless woman, who never cared for anyone besides herself. Most of the people didn't know this was due her past — the Red Room was always in complete secrecy, so they feared her. She was already used to it. Whenever she started something with someone, in the next day, she had an empty bed as a gift. To be completely honest, she always felt used. Men and women touched her, to leave her in the morning.
That changed when she met you.
You could say you'd changed her completely, for the best, of course. She became more open with you, learned to express herself better and was not known as the most selfish Avenger in the team anymore.
But just like people say, not everything is a bed of roses.
Instead of using that achievement to improve your relationship, she began to care a little too much about her team of superheroes. At some point, she was no longer paying attention to you.
Reports this, reports that. Missions and more missions. "I have to go somewhere with Cap." "I have to train with Tony to a mission." "I can't, I'll have to go with Clint."
When you confronted her about this, begging for her to understand and willing to help her change, she decided that it was a better option to part ways. You were devasted, and she saw it. That made her heart ache — someone actually lov— liked her enough to want to stay.
This was the one and only reason Natasha didn't forget about you. The only reason she thought about you everyday. The only reason she teared up whenever entering her car and seeing the polaroid with the heart pendant you gave her hanging on her rearview mirror, that she didn't dare to take down.
Today, you were leaving work, heavy tired steps echoing on the pavement's wooden floor as the moonlight illuminated the room. The building was already empty, the streets, darker than your thoughts.
As you started walking to the nearest bus stop, you heard quick footsteps behind you — it was already late and usually there was no people on the streets like this. You turned your head, "you gotta be kidding me".
"Hey, Y/n!" Peter exclaimed, running to catch up with you. "I didn't know you were going to be here at 11:30pm."
You rolled your eyes and took a sharp inhale, but like always, tried to be polite. This so called coworker of yours was always looking at you, following you everywhere, and asking you things, not always work-related. You always made it clear that you weren't interested in men, and he insisted on saying he could 'change your mind'.
"Hey, Peter." you replied, faking a smile and nodding. "You need me to review your documents again?"
"Oh, no. I was just wondering if you wanna go on a date with me. Did you see the restaurant that just opened over there? I could treat you to—"
"No, I don't." you cut him off, more harshly than you intended to. "Look, Peter, I'm sorry. But I don't want anything to do with you, alright? So if you want, go ahead and find somebody else."
You shook your head, not even waiting for his reply and picking up the pace again, quickly rushing to the bus stop. That's when the guy showed you a side that you just suspected, but preferred to believe he didn't have
"C'mon, Y/n." he grabbed your arm, nails digging into your skin. "You won't broke my heart, will you? You're such a gentle, beautiful, kind woman. You will give me a chance."
You cleared your throat, feeling him get closer, and thinking about a certain Red Head — how she would gently, delicately graze your skin with her fingers, so softly whispering into your ear and bringing you to her embrace—
"Back off."
"Oh, no." he laughed. Such a creep. "I won't back off. And if you don't cooperate, I'll make you give me a chance."
Your hands trembled now, silently praying to whoever was seeing this just call the cops or do something. You didn't know the guy anyway. He didn't talk to anyone at work beside you, and you never got to know him, you would never. That's when it would be a good use to have a spy girlfriend. Just the last thing you expected to happen was to hear the sound of a gun cocking behind you, and a very familiar female voice.
"She said back off."
Relief unconsciously washed upon you as your arm was released, only because of the gun, though. You knew that if if wasn't for her, who knows what could've happened there. Peter left, annoyed, but the Russian swore to herself that she'd make his life a living hell.
"... Natasha?" you whisper, turning around with a confused and even scared frown.
"Yes," she worriedly rubbed your arm, shooting you, slowly making the feeling of the disgusting hand fade away. "Are you okay?"
"I am..." you nodded subtly, leaning into her touch. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I saw a woman being harassed. What was I supposed to do? Mind my business?" she said, obviously avoiding your question.
"You know this is not what I mean." you frowned, carefully letting go of her caress and wrapping your arms around yourself.
Natasha sighed, trying to think of a way to explain herself. 'Oh, I'm here because I miss you so much I can't even sleep anymore.'? No, it wouldn't do.
"I... followed you."
"Oh, great, so I'm being stalked twice today." you hissed, making Natasha look down with your harshness.
"No, Y/n.. I'm here for.. personal reasons. I saw you leaving work, and I noticed that guy following you. I decided to follow too, until he grabbed you and I knew I had to intervine." she explained quietly.
The fact she had said 'personal reasons' deeply hurt you, but you couldn't do anything, you had broken up after all. You nodded, and prepared yourself to walk tp the bus stop again.
"Wait," Natasha quickly stopped you, her eyebrows furrowed. "I won't let you go home like this."
This was something about the old Natasha you knew, the protective one. It was okay, you were tired, and a ride would be no harm. "Where's your getaway car?"
She smiled softly at your joke, and tilted her head. "Around the corner."
You two walked silently towards the vehicle, as she unlocked the doors with the keys and you entered the passenger seat. You threw your bag on the backseat before you could focus on the environment around you, and see the polaroid of you and Nat with the heart pendant you gave her hanging on the rearview mirror.
Natasha noticed your gaze as soon as she entered the driver seat, clearing her throat and starting the car's engine. "Couldn't bring myself to take those down."
You stayed silent, but your eyes could tell everything. I'm glad. Oh, I'm so glad.
Natasha remembered your address as if you hadn't broken up nine months ago, and when you reached your place, you too much disappointed for your own good.
"Thank you for the lift," you whispered, turning your body to be able to grab your bag from the backseat — in the exact same moment Natasha turned to unbuckle her seatbelt — your fronts touching, which made you two a little startled.
The problem was that you didn't pull away, neither of you. You slowly turned your head to meet Natasha's gaze, your face so close to hers you could feel her breath. Familiar. It was pure instinct, almost muscle memory, of the times she always kissed you goodbye when dropping you somewhere.
You didn't even notice your hand going up to hold the back of her neck, much less when she placed her hand on your thigh, and leaned in so your noses brushed. Natasha closed her eyes for a brief moment, almost savouring your closeness, your aura enveloping her once more. Then your lips barely, barely grazed, breath hitching, as she couldn't take it anymore.
The redhead pressed her lips against yours, giving them a long peck. It was surprising how much time you lasted without air. You didn't break the kiss, just darted the tip of your tongue out to lick her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She gave in, trying to pull you closer but being stopped by the goddamn control panel. As soon as you felt her tongue touching yours you realized that this was going too far. You pulled back harshly, leaving you two panting for air and a disappointed Nat.
"Do you..." you shakily breathed. "... wanna come in?"
"Mhm." Natasha hummed, turning off the engine. "Can I?"
You didn't answer, just opened the door and slipped out the car. As you entered, you could practically feel Natasha's eyes burning the place. How you didn't take down any picture of yours. How her stuff was spreading across the pavement. It gave her a sense of... hope? Of course, since she was in the same situation.
"So.. are you seeing anyone?" you asked her while kicking off your heels and leaving them by the door.
"I think you know the answer for that." the redhead practically hissed, making your head snap towards her.
"But I want you to say it." you retreated. "I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me you didn't forget me. I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me the reason of why you came to my town again and followed me when I left work. I want you to tell me the reason of why you kissed me just like we always did before."
"I didn't! I didn't forget you, Y/n!" Natasha snapped, looking away and tucking the loosen strands of hair of her braids behind her ears. "I didn't forget you and I never did. Alright? Happy now?"
"Is that so?" you laughed humorlessly, crossing your arms. "I thought you cared more about your superheroes buddies. Where are they now!?"
"I left them." Natasha replied, looking at you again with a mixture of anger and pain. "I left them and came back, to you, Y/n."
You froze at her words, swallowing your saliva. "... okay?"
"I came back here, because I wanted to at least a chance to explain myself. I wouldn't be able to live knowing that I hurt you, and that you think that I did it on purpose. So please, just give me a chance."
"...go on."
Natasha sighed in relief, exhaling the air she was holding. "I'm sure you know my story. You were the first one to know everything about it, about me. And I'm also sure you know you're the first one to ever love me. No one else ever loved me like you did."
You leaned against the kitchen counter, listening carefully to her words, ready to give her time and patience, like you usually did.
"... I didn't know what I was doing, Y/n. Every other relationship I had, ended in less than a week. Love is a weapon and it's letal for me, for people like me. I was, I am startled by all of this, by this fuzzy warm feeling that you always gave me, that you still do, in my thoughts.. the Avengers were my first family, and when I panicked, I tried to hang on to them. In order not to hurt you, and myself." she didn't even realize the tear rolling down her cheek, and shook her head. "That's it. I'm sorry for everything, but Y/n, you will always have a piece— you'll always have my whole heart in your hands. I'll get off your hair n—"
You couldn't. Not anymore. You rushed towards her and grabbed her face, cutting her off with a deep kiss. She was taking aback, but her hands traveled to your waist, pulling you flush against her, your fronts pressing. Nothing changed. Natasha pushed you backwards against your room's door, her tongue entering your mouth and dancing with yours. You could feel yourself getting lost in her, damn it, once more. It was like she had this spell on you — you were trapped, and didn't complain.
"Y/n," the russian uttered, hands slipping inside your shirt and giving your waist a squeeze. "I've got to have you again, at least for one last time. Please, just this once—"
Tired of her rambling, you smirked and grabbed her by the jacket, pulling her into a kiss again and dragging her into the room, slamming the door shut. Natasha took this as a 'yes', and her hands, under you shirt, went to unclasp your bra, making it fall to the ground and a groan of relief escape your throat. Before she could remove the rest of the fabric of your body, you stopped her, pushing her down to the bed.
"I always wanted to do that," you started to slowly, so slow that it almost tortured her take off your clothes, stripteasing for her.
"Shit, Y/n." she quickly started to get rid off her jacket, snd everything else she was wearing. You were careful not to trip on the pile of clothes on the floor, and walked over to her again, straddling her leg on the edge of the bed.
Natasha's hand grabbed your hips roughly, keeping you in place and it didn't take two seconds before you started to grind on her. "Nat," you breathed, arms going to circle her neck.
"Who else touched you like this while I was away?" she growled in your ear, pressing your body against hers. "Answer me,"
"No one," you whined, giving her a subtle shake of your head. "No one, Natty. J-just myself,"
"My poor girl," Nat began to roam her hands up your sides, her lips pressing kisses on your jawline, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help,"
"You're here now..!" you gasped, your movements faster, as she began to move her thigh to stimulate you more.
"And I don't plan on going away," Natasha murmured, tilting your head to look at her in the eyes. Even in your high, you could make sense of her words, and the weight they beared.
"Nat!" you moaned, closing your eyes shut. "I need... please.. I—I need you, inside me."
Natasha almost lost her mind with that, grabbing your hips and pinning you down to the bed. She reached her arm out for the drawer that she hoped your strap still was, and luckily, she was right. "I'm gonna fuck you like never before, Y/n." she attached the silicone cock to her hips with urgency, holding your hips in place as she ran the tip of it across your folds, making you whine in need.
"Don't tease me," you gently gripped her arms on your hips and looked at her with dreamy eyes. She couldn't resist — but your walls were so tight she had to put a little effort to enter you.
"Holy fuck, baby." she moved her hand to brush your hair behind your ear, giving you a little time to get used to the length. "So fucking tight for me,"
"I—" you breathed, interrupted when Nat started to slowly move in and out you, her red hair falling into your face. You moaned, putting her hair up in a makeshift ponytail and with your free hand, holding her neck. "God, I missed you,"
Natasha pounded faster in you with those words, your moans only getting louder by the second. She grabbed one of your legs and placed it over her shoulder, allowing her to hit your g-spot repeatedly. You thumb went to your mouth, wetting it and starting to rub her clit — she couldn't say she expected that, her soft moans saying everything.
"Cum with me," you breathlessly requested, eyes fluttering close. Natasha didn't have to be asked twice. Her hips slammed into yours, the wet sounds of her thrusting echoing the room. "Natty!"
You back arched, head thrown backwards as your orgasm hit you. Natasha's legs shook, her weight falling onto you and your arms immediately wrapping around her, keeping her close.
"Don't make me go away,"
"I could never."
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dreamcubed · 20 days
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you need to calm down | theodore nott x reader
song; you need to calm down [taylor swift] pairing; theodore nott x fem!muggle-born!reader genre; e2l, smut, angst word count; 5,9k timeline; subsidiary 8th year warnings; swearing, alcohol consumption, implied drug consumption, hook-up, drunk sex, piv, oral sex (male and female receiving), discrimination (muggle-borns), smoking, violence, blood, mentions of the war, arguments, yelling summary; after returning to hogwarts for a subsidiary 8th year to make up for the loss of 7th year due to the war, you are a completely different person, and muggle-born-hating theo finds himself obsessed with you
masterlist
"stressing and obsessing about somebody else is no fun."
MINORS DNI!!! 18+ content.
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In the time that the Second Wizarding War had been going on, you had been absent from Hogwarts, attending a muggle school under a fake name. Also in that time, you had changed significantly, partially to help your cover, but also because you had made muggle friends with similar styles and decided that you loved it. There were no uniforms at muggle college, so you were able to explore. These days you loved having black hair, having both your septum and nose pierced, and dressing almost entirely in black.
Your witch friends hadn't recognised you when you showed up at the Summer party you had received an invite to, after Voldemort was defeated and you were able to come out of hiding. The party you were attending was for seventh and eighth years— eighth year being introduced as a subsidiary for the education lost last year. Even most of those who had attended seventh year elected to return, as the final exams had never taken place, and what they had learned had been heavily rooted in the dark arts.
The party was booming, the walls of the massive house shaking with the sound of the music. You had consumed your fair share of alcohol, amongst other things, and had enjoyed catching up with everyone you had missed so dearly.
And that was when you saw him watching you.
Theodore Nott, a Slytherin boy in your year, who was from a wealthy pure-blooded family. A cigarette hung from his lips, and the smoke billowing around him sent a shiver up your spine. He was a sexy man, personality aside, and intoxicated you conveniently forgot about his attitude towards muggle-borns. Fuck, maybe he had changed?
He started approaching you, eyes raking up and down your accentuated figure, and he lingered a while on your fishnets. When he was close enough to talk, he said a simple statement, "I've never seen you before."
Theodore Nott hadn't changed. Not one bit. While he had never wished death upon muggle-borns like Voldemort, he had despised them— viewed them as lesser than he. He had seen you, laughing with your friends and seductively moving your hips, and assumed you were from the year below. You knew in that moment that he didn't recognise muggle-born goody-two-shoes Y/N L/N.
But, you were too drunk to ignore the red flags.
"No?" you murmured, "What are your first thoughts?"
He smirked, "I think I'm in for a very interesting night."
You chuckled, "I'll say."
His hands found your hips, and he began swaying with you to the music, which made you move your body closer to his. Even in the warmth of the room, the heat of his body hit you like an electric spark, coursing through you— straight to your core.
He moved even closer, his hot breath fanning against your neck as his hands moved round to your back. Then he lifted his head, his lips close to yours, and you let your eyes flutter shut as the kiss began. It was passionate: a hazy, powerful passion that had every hair on your body standing on end. His hands lowered to your ass, and squeezed, bringing a gasp from your lips, which he took as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.
All of a sudden, he pulled away, only to whisper in your ear, "Wanna find somewhere more private?"
"Lead the way," you said breathlessly, and he took your hand in his.
Neither of you knew whose bedroom you had ended up in, but it was empty and had a lock on the door, so it was ideal. Sure, a little unlocking charm could get someone in, but hopefully they would realise what was going on inside if the door was locked.
Theo wasted no time in pressing his lips to yours again, pushing you back until you fell on to the bed, pulling him with you. He moved down to your neck, kissing and sucking in a manner that would definitely leave hickeys, before he returned to your lips. You tugged at his shirt, and he let you pull it over his head, revealing a toned chest and arms that had you drooling.
He smirked at your loss of composure and beckoned towards your shirt, "Your turn, miss."
This time, you smirked, and held up your arms to allow him to remove your upper body clothing. First your tight black mesh top, and then your bra, freeing your boobs for him to gaze at. "Look who's drooling now."
Your statement made him snap out of his shock: clearly the sight of your nipple piercings had been a new experience for him. He attacked your lips with a new fervour, then moved down to suck on your nipple and its barbell. Gasps escaped you at the sensation, and you arched your back up instinctively.
"You're so sexy," he stopped for breath, complimenting you, "How have I never seen you before?"
Your breath hitched, and for a moment the reality of the situation came back to you. Just as quickly, though, it left again, as he began work on your other nipple. It was a wonderful feeling, but you needed more, so you pushed him over until you were on top and began unbuckling his trousers.
His dick was big and thick, and you could tell by the glint in his eyes as he looked down at you that he knew and was proud. You shook your head, bringing your lips to the tip and pressing a gentle kiss. Your teasing didn't last for long, however, as you soon gave into the urge to take it into your mouth. He groaned deliciously in response, and you took that as your cue to lick a strip up the side as you began fondling his balls.
"Just like that, baby," he moaned, making you realise he hadn't even asked for your name.
You took him in your mouth again, this time going as far down as your throat would allow, feeling the urge to gag building up in you. His louder groans made the effort worth it, though, as you deepthroated him. Pulling away for breath, you looked up at him with doe eyes and said, "If I'm sucking your dick, you might as well eat me out." And with that, you pulled your tights and panties down, leaving only your skirt on, before sitting on his face assertively.
The action made him groan more, and you leaned down to continue work on his dick as you felt him find your clit almost immediately. His tongue ministrations had you moaning around his dick, making you begin grinding on his face out of reflex. If you weren't drunk, you wouldn't be nearly this shameless and forward.
To his credit, he ate you out like a man starved, and it wasn't long before the pleasure became so much you had to give up on his dick and give in to the sensation.
"Fuck, Theo, I'm gonna come," you moaned, and his movements only got quicker, until you felt your core tighten and then release. Your body convulsed as he rode you through the high.
Eventually, you got off his face.
"D'you have condoms?" you asked, knowing he hadn't yet finished and also that you weren't yet satisfied.
"Always." He reached for his trousers over the side of the bed and pulled a condom out of his wallet.
You took it from him, tearing the packet with your teeth whilst making eye contact, and carefully sheathing his dick. His breath hitched once you were done: the only warning you got before he got up and pushed you down on to all fours, lining himself up behind you. The push in wasn't difficult, since you were quite well prepared, but it was still sensationally tight for him.
"Fuck, baby," he grunted, pushing in the last couple inches, "You feel so fuckin' good. So wet for me."
In reply, you moaned, and he took that as his cue to begin moving.
He pushed up your skirt to slap your ass, leaving a red imprint on your cheek, before gripping your hips and picking up the pace. You became a mess beneath him, even more so when one of his hands snuck around to begin rubbing circles on your clit. The bedsheets were crumpled in your hands with how tight you were gripping them, but Theo didn't stop.
"Oh, fuck, I'm gonna-" he cut himself off with a grunt.
"Me too," you squeaked out.
"Come with me." The assertive way in which he said it had you falling apart yet again, and by the way his movements were becoming sloppy, you could guess that he was too. When he then collapsed next to you, you knew that your guess had been correct.
Turning to lay on your back, you let out a content sigh.
"You know my name," he said.
You chuckled breathlessly.
"Who are you?"
You shrugged, deciding that you had given yourself enough time to regain your composure and getting up off the bed to clothe yourself. "You'll see," you said as you pulled your final clothing item back on.
And, with that concluding comment, you left Theo speechless on a random bed of the host's house.
***
You told no one of that night, deciding that you didn't need to hear your friends say what a stupid idea it was for you as a muggle-born to fuck a pure-blood supremacist. You already knew that yourself, but that didn't stop you from dreaming about how his tongue felt against your pussy, or how his hands felt on your body. Merlin, it was the best sex that you had ever had, and it just had to be with someone who would never want you again after finding out the truth.
It was on the train to Hogwarts that you saw him next. Despite how excited you were to return to the castle after over a year, the anxiety of your next meeting with Theo had been consuming you. And, in a lit up train in your classic school uniform, you were a lot more recognisable than in the dark in your own clothes. Especially considering you were with your friend group.
You stared at him as he stood in the doorway of you and your friends' compartment, with Mattheo Riddle and Lorenzo Berkshire stood behind him. They were likely on the hunt for some younger years to belittle.
"Well, Miss Goody-Two-Shoes has certainly changed a lot, hasn't she?" Riddle chuckled from behind Theo, who was simply staring at you with widened eyes and a clenched jaw.
"Theo? Mate? You alright?" Berkshire asked, snapping his friend out of his daze.
"Yeah, yeah, fine," he said dismissively, "Let's go."
His friends appeared confused, but didn't question it.
Your friends, however, did.
"What the fuck was up with that?" your best friend, Elena, asked, "Is the man scared of a couple piercings or something?"
She didn't even know what she was saying when she said that, you thought to yourself, thinking back to his reaction to your nipple piercings. You simply shrugged at her, "He just hates to see a muggle-born succeed."
Everyone agreed with hums, and the conversation shifted to other subjects.
***
Theodore Nott had spent the last two weeks of Summer wondering what the fuck the mysterious girl he fucked at a party meant by, "You'll see," and then following that up with a wank using memories of you. But, in that moment, stood in front of you on the Hogwarts Express, where you were in better lighting and more recognisable attire, he felt the world crash down around him.
How had he fucked a mudblood? The one thing that was ingrained into his brain since childhood to never do? Ever? The worst part is, he hadn't just liked the sex, he had loved it. He had already had numerous wet dreams about your lips and your boobs and your ass. And now? Now he had to push all of that aside because he couldn't ever fuck you again.
He just couldn't.
"Theo- Earth to Theo," the voice of Lorenzo next to him brought him from his thoughts.
"What?" he snapped back.
"What's got you so worked up?"
Mattheo chuckled, "Can't you see him staring at mudblood L/N? I can't tell if you wanna kill her or fuck her."
That statement earned Mattheo a glare from Theo.
"Maybe both?" Lorenzo suggested, making them both laugh.
"Who was it again that you hooked up with at the party?" Mattheo asked before shovelling food into his mouth.
"He didn't say, remember? Said she never told him her name."
"It doesn't matter," Theo spat.
Lorenzo and Mattheo exchanged looks as realisation dawned on them, and they both slowly turned to Theo who was still glaring daggers in your direction.
"No, you didn't..." Mattheo said first.
Theo said nothing.
"You fucked a mudblood," Lorenzo stated, finishing Mattheo's thought.
"You didn't realise it was L/N," Mattheo continued.
"She'd changed a lot, okay?" Theo said angrily, "I thought she was from the year below or something."
His two friends began howling with laughter, meanwhile Theo sat brooding in silence at the Slytherin table.
***
Saturday rolled around, and you were relieved to be able to shed the school uniform and tug on your clothes that had become an important part of you. Thankfully, Hogwarts hadn't been too strict about your piercings, in fact you had even received compliments from some professors. But, honestly, the rules weren't all that strict since it was still a sensitive time with many grieving from the war.
The Summer weather was still lingering, and you basked in the sunlight as you walked down one of the open hallways, watching first years giggling amongst themselves as they played with their new magic skills. It brought a smile to your face, to see things returning to normal; you had missed Hogwarts dearly while you had been away, not knowing how long you would have to remain in hiding. You had even begun applications for muggle university— because, really, how could you have known whether it would be one year or ten before you could freely be a witch again?
You turned a corner, and in your drifted thoughts, didn't notice the person walking around the other way until it was too late and your shoulders had shoved against each other.
"Shit, sorry," you muttered, realising all too late that it was Theo. He was glaring at you, just like he had at every meal and every class you shared all week.
"Watch where you're going, mudblood," he snapped.
Rolling your eyes, you mumbled, "Wasn't a problem three weeks ago."
"Never speak of that," he said lowly, his voice threatening.
"Why? Annoyed sex with a mudblood was good?" you retorted, and then you found yourself pinned up against the wall.
"Watch your mouth, miss."
"Don't you mean 'baby'?" you smirked, relishing in the way his eyes darkened.
You almost missed the way his gaze flicked to your lips, but then he pulled away, refusing to look at you.
"Fuck you, L/N," he spat, storming off, and you watched in amusement with your back still against the wall.
***
Theodore Nott was livid. Absolutely livid. You wound him up in the worst way possible, only for him to try and scare you- fail- and then find himself wanting nothing more than to smash his lips on to yours. When you reminded him of the pet name he used while you were fucking, the blood in his body rushed straight to his dick: the feeling of his arms gripping yours and the close proximity had felt electric. Your very presence set him on fire in every single way possible.
He hated every second.
With previous hook-ups, he had hooked up a few more times with them until he had gotten bored and moved on to the next. Before he found out who you were, he had been planning on doing the same, and now the fact he couldn't was driving him crazy. He thought about you every minute of the day, every minute of the night, and- unfortunately- whenever his hand was wrapped around his dick. And, after his interaction with you in the hallway, he knew that he needed a good fuck from at least a half-blood, if not a pure-blood.
Yes, that was all it was, his body was desperate for sex and as you were the last person he fucked, his thoughts simply went to you first. That was all it was.
Definitely.
***
Potions lesson on Monday rolled around quicker than you would have liked, but it wasn't all bad, as Slughorn was a nice enough professor. You sequestered yourself next to your best friend, ready to begin the lesson. He had promised you all your first practical lesson today, and you were excited to use a cauldron again after so long.
The only real downside of the class was that Theo was in it, and he seemed even angrier (if that was possible) than he was last week. His eyes were pinned on to you like you had murdered his family. You shrugged it off, setting up the work station while Elena went to fetch the various ingredients that you required.
Meanwhile, Theo sat across the class from you, feeling incredibly frustrated. Saturday night, he had tried to fuck another girl, but he couldn't get himself hard until he imagined that she was you. And, even then, he couldn't finish. His imagination couldn't go as far as making her feel and act like you, after all. Now, all he knew, was that you were his enemy, and his remedy. And you had the audacity to act so calm and unbothered all the fucking time.
"Your obsession isn't healthy," Mattheo spoke from next to him, dumping the potion ingredients on the table.
"It's not an obsession."
"What is it, then?" his friend scoffed, "Love?"
Theo furrowed his eyebrows.
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
Mattheo watched as Theo rose to his feet and began haphazardly chopping ingredients, the tiny knife taking the brunt of his anger.
"If it's affecting you so bad, just fuck her again."
"She's mudblood."
"It's not like you're impregnating her," Mattheo reasoned.
Theo sighed deeply, "It's not that simple. I've had it trained into me since birth that we don't associate with mudbloods."
"Well," Mattheo shifted on his feet, "Parents aren't always right."
"Since when did you sympathise with them?"
"I don't- I just," Mattheo muttered something inaudible to himself, and then said, "I don't want people to think I'm my father."
Theo said nothing.
"I'm just saying, mate, your mother's dead and your father's in prison for life— who gives a fuck what they think?"
"It's the principle."
"What even is the principle?"
"What would Draco think? Lorenzo? All of our friends?"
"Draco's not the man he was before the war," Mattheo said quietly. He knew better than anyone, being Draco's cousin, he had grown up with him due to his parents' absence. "I'm just saying. Maybe we should leave some beliefs in the past."
"You've gotten soft," Theo grumbled, "Just last week you were shitting on me for fucking her."
Mattheo shrugged, "Force of habit, I guess. I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately."
"That's rare."
"Shut up."
***
Truth was, despite all of Theo's dick behaviour and discrimination of your kind, you still found yourself waking up in a sweat thinking about his hands roaming your body. That goddamned Slytherin was the bane of your existence and the reason for your catharsis. He had diseased you, plagued you. He was a parasite that you couldn't get rid of, that was eating away at your sanity. What happened to your self respect? To your pride? You got fucked into heaven, that's what. And now your sexual urges were spreading like fire all throughout your bloodstream.
Wanking didn't feel the same anymore— your fingers didn't hold the electricity and passion that Theo's did. You craved him like a drug: and that's exactly what he was. He was something you shouldn't do, something that was bad for your health, but something that could have you seeing stars. Why did he have to be a blood supremacist?
But would it feel this intense if he wasn't? Maybe you two being forbidden, being star-crossed, was the reason that it made you feel so alive. You loved the fact he stared at you, even if it was with fury so powerful it made his whole body shake. It made you feel as if you had gotten to him the way he had gotten to you.
Just one taste of heaven had left you wanting to experience it a thousand times over.
"Get your shit together, Y/N," you cursed to yourself, forcing yourself out of bed.
"What was that?" one of your dorm mates asked.
"Nothing," you replied, "Just going crazy."
"Aren't we all?" she agreed.
***
"Party in the Slytherin dungeons tonight," Pansy stated to you one hellish week later.
You blinked at her, "And I'm invited?"
The girl nodded, evidently feeling awkward, "A lot of us are trying to- uh- make amends with mud- muggle-borns."
You raised an eyebrow at her near slip-up.
"Look- I'm- I'm sorry for how I treated you in the past," she said, actually appearing genuine, "It wasn't right."
"Um, thank you," you replied hesitantly.
"I know I don't speak for all the Slytherins, but a lot of us have done some thinking over the Summer," she continued, "We've lived in an echo chamber for too long."
That you agreed with.
"And, honestly, I think you're really cool- and I hope we can be friends."
You were taken aback by her words, never imagining that a pure-blood like Pansy Parkinson would be saying such words to you. But, maybe, forgiving her wouldn't be such a bad thing. "I... forgive you, I think," you said slowly, "I hope we can be friends too."
She gave you a small but warm smile, "Thank you. Will I see you there?"
You nodded cautiously, "Yeah, I think so."
"Great, uh, come say hi when you get there."
And with that, she disappeared, leaving you in a state of shock and confusion.
***
"Why are there so many mudbloods here?" Lorenzo asked irritatedly, sitting down on the sofa next to his friend group.
"Be civil, Enzo," Pansy gently scolded, "They're witches and wizards just like us."
"But they're not, though. Right, Matt?"
Mattheo shrugged slightly, "I'm with Pansy on this one, I think."
"See, Enzo? Even the Dark Lord's son agrees with me."
Mattheo grimaced at being reminded of who his father was.
"What about you, Theo?" Lorenzo asked.
But Theo wasn't listening, too busy glaring at you with his jaw clenched as you entered the common room, dressed up in an annoyingly similar way that you were back at the Summer party. Lorenzo followed his gaze, but he already knew where it would be leading to.
"Theo is not the person to ask," Blaise chuckled, appearing out of nowhere and sitting next to Theo, "I reckon he's about two interactions with L/N away from saying 'fuck it' and accepting his fate."
"What fate?" Theo snapped.
"The fate of falling in love with a muggle-born," Pansy said with a giggle.
"I'm not falling for her."
"Yeah, you just think and talk about her all the time," Draco, who had been quiet the whole time, spoke.
"Do you not have a problem with it?" Lorenzo asked Draco.
The blond boy shrugged, "I have a lot of regrets regarding muggle-borns. I don't want anymore."
Lorenzo groaned.
"Times are changing, Enzo," Pansy said gently, "I think you should change with them."
The man scowled and stormed off.
Meanwhile, you had finally spotted Pansy across the room, surrounded by the Slytherin boys— including Theo. You took a deep breath, deciding for the sake of a potential friendship you would have to bear it and fulfil her request of saying hi. You arrived at their group moments after you had seen Berkshire leave angrily.
"Uh, hi," you said to Pansy.
"Hi," her face lit up, "Have you got a drink? I'll get you one."
"Oh, thank you."
"It's no worries— make yourself comfortable," she then turned to the boys, "Play nice."
Mattheo raised his hands in mock surrender, but all Theo did was keep his eyes glued on to you.
Zabini shifted along the sofa, gesturing for you to sit in between him and Theo, which you cautiously accepted. The second you felt the warmth of Theo's thigh brush against yours, sparks jolted through your body, and you nearly jumped. You could have sworn you heard his breath hitch, too. This was the first time in two weeks that he wasn't looking at you, instead his eyes were trained ahead like he was retaining every ounce of self control within him.
"The sexual tension is suffocating," Mattheo remarked, standing up to go after Pansy.
His statement seemed to fuel the flame that you had desperately been trying to keep dim inside of you, and suddenly staying sat next to Theo seemed like an entirely impossible task. You were not nearly drunk enough for this. Thankfully, Pansy returned quickly with Mattheo lingering behind her, and she handed you a glass.
"Firewhiskey and coke," she said simply.
"Thanks," you accepted the glass, and downed the entire thing, "I'll get another one."
You left them all, hearing Pansy scold Theo for scaring you off, but you could still feel his eyes burning holes into your back. Just a couple more drinks and then you would join the dance floor, you decided.
And there you soon were, grinding up against a Hufflepuff boy with liquid courage flooding through your veins. You had just about managed to push Theodore Nott to the back of your mind, but you knew that it was only a temporary fix. This Hufflepuff boy was attractive, but he didn't set you alight.
"Someone's jealous," Blaise chuckled, watching as Theo glared daggers at the boy you were dancing with. Ever since you had joined the dance floor, he had been necking back drinks like his soul depended on it, and it just might. With every gulp, he was feeling more reckless and dangerous. "Accept it, mate, you're in deep."
Theo let out a sound that bordered on a growl.
"The only thing stopping you is yourself."
And as Blaise's words sank in, and the Hufflepuff boy appeared to be going in to kiss you, something snapped within Theo. In a flash, he was on his feet and taking large purposeful strides in your direction. Then, the Hufflepuff boy was torn from your side and being punched directly on the nose with such a force he toppled over. He didn't even get a chance to fight back as Theo continued to hit him, merciless in his moves.
You stood in shock watching the scene unfold before you. After what felt like forever, Mattheo and Lorenzo showed up, pulling Theo off the poor boy who had done nothing wrong.
"What the fuck was that for?" the boy yelled, blood pouring down his face.
Theo said nothing, glaring at him as he finally stopped fighting his friends' grip.
"You need to calm down, mate," Mattheo said sternly, digging his fingers into his friend's bicep.
"Theo." You said, unaware what your intentions were when the name slipped out of your mouth. Regardless, his eyes snapped to yours, appearing to soften slightly as he observed your fearful stance.
What was stopping him, really? Did the purity of his bloodline really matter to him that much?
"I think you two need to talk," Mattheo said firmly, "And I think one of you in particular- not naming any names- needs to get over his own bullshit excuses and give into what he wants."
Theo's bloodied hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging you in the direction of the Slytherin dormitories. You didn't fight him, strangely feeling your fear slip away despite what you had just witnessed Theo be capable of. When you were stood in his empty dormitory, face to face, you knew that you would have to be the first to say something.
"You were jealous," you said it as delicately as you could.
He said nothing, not even looking at you. This made you angry— enraged, even.
"Fucking look at me, Theo!" you screamed, "You haven't had any difficulty with it all week— staring at me like I'm the shit on your fucking shoe!"
His eyes locked on to yours.
"If you regret fucking me, just say it!"
"I don't regret it," he said, his volume low but tone dangerous, "Everything I've been raised to believe wants me to regret it but I can't."
You stood, stunned at his confession.
"I need you like I need water, you're an itch I can't scratch," he was stepping closer to you, making you step back, "You make me feel fucking ecstasy and misery all at once."
Your back hit the wall, and he grabbed your wrist again, bringing it to press against his crotch.
"Do you feel what you do to me?" he said darkly, "I've never been so hard in my life."
You gulped, "I'm not just gonna be another of your bitches, Theo, so forget it." Even though you wanted it so bad, and you were dripping from your core.
"That's the thing, L/N," he chuckled sinisterly, "I don't think I could ever get enough. I don't think anyone else will be able to satiate me ever again."
You jaw dropped.
"I think..." he continued, "...that you're a drug I got addicted to after only one hit."
You closed your mouth, looking up at him expectantly.
"And I don't think I ever want to be sober from you."
"But, I'm a muggle-born-"
He cut you off by slamming his lips on to yours with such furious passion your mind became hazy as you eagerly returned the kiss, lifting up your arms to wrap them around your neck. For a moment, he pulled away, just to whisper, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't think I care. I think I just want you in every humanly possible way."
"Then have me," you murmured.
It became a blur as his lips crashed on to yours yet again, and he picked you up by your thighs with his blood stained hands, leaving imprints on your bare skin through your fishnets. He moved you over to his bed, kissing down your neck while he blindly reached for the hem of your top. He wasted no time in pulling it off, along with your bra, so he could continue kissing down your body.
You relished the sensation— savouring it— feeling like you were the only girl in the world. Theo was treating you with such roughness and yet such care, like he had tunnel vision for you and only you.
He pulled off his shirt, before moving down to pull down your skirt, fishnets, and panties all at once. You watched breathlessly as he dived into your leaking pussy and ate you out like a man starved. He groaned, murmuring, "I've missed this taste so fucking much," before continuing his ministrations, eliciting the filthiest moans from you that had ever been produced. This felt even better than the last time.
"You are my goddess," he licked up your pussy, "And my devil."
He began sucking on your clit, and your body felt as if it was lifting from the bed as your orgasm hit you like a shockwave, coursing through your body and sending you to places you had only brushed against before.
"Fuck, Theo," you moaned, "Please fuck me."
The man didn't need telling twice, unbuckling his belt and kicking off his trousers. He didn't waste any time going to his bedside table to grab a condom out of the drawer, tearing it open and pulling it on in record speed. You would have helped him, but your orgasm had you borderline paralysed.
And, then, he was lining up in front of you— for the first time in his life, all he wanted was to fuck missionary. He wanted to see your face (and your nipple piercings that had him drooling) and he wanted to see your expressions as you came undone below him. To him, this was the most intimate that you could get in sex, and he only wanted that with you.
He groaned louder than he had ever groaned when he let himself push inside you, knowing that no other pussy would ever feel as magical as yours. Knowing that he should never have even considered depriving himself of this for some stupid blood purity reasons.
"Fuck, baby, you feel fucking amazing," he breathed out. You reached your arms up, gesturing for him to come down closer to you.
Theo obeyed, kissing you as he began thrusting, while his bloodied hands explored every inch of you, leaving a trail as they went.
"I'd rub your clit, but I don't want to get blood there," he said through heavy pants. You couldn't help but let out a small giggle, moving your own hand down to aid yourself along.
Your moans increased tenfold, as did his pace, and it wasn't long before he was biting down on to your neck in order to contain the groans that were fighting their way out of him. Who would have thought that such plain love making could make him feel so on top of the world?
"Theo- I'm gonna come," you choked out, and the way his teeth sank deeper told you that he was going to as well. As you both reached heaven in unity, he gave up suppressing his moans, and gave you the most melodious earful that you had ever heard as his movements became sloppy and tingles spread through your veins.
Eventually, he collapsed on top of you, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, stroking his hair gently as you lay in a post-sex haze.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, making your brain short circuit.
"You what?"
"I'm sorry for being a pretentious asshole."
A smile creeped on to your face, "So, is this just a sex thing, or...?"
"Fuck no," he snapped, "I need you all the time. You're mine."
"So, it's a girlfriend boyfriend thing?"
He froze, but then relaxed, and said into your neck, "Yeah, I guess it is."
"You guess?"
He sighed, "Well, you've ruined me for anyone else."
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masterlist
written; 07/04/2024 —> 08/04/2024 published; 10/04/2024 edited; —/—/——
722 notes · View notes
wednesdaysky · 7 months
Text
I like how Gortash is kind of a hidden foil to the theme of "breaking free from those who abuse you" and "perpetuating the cycle of abuse" that runs throughout all of BG3.
He was hurt very badly. What did he learn from it? That you're ultimately alone, nobody is going to come save you, the only person on your side is yourself. He didn't have a Tav/anyone else to come help him, or if he did, he refused to let their words get through to him. He dragged himself out of literal hell -- from there decided he was going to make the entire world pay for what was done to him. From there never grew up from the kind of simple fantasy a child would come up with, I'll be better than you, nyah nyah. From there did an Ascended Astarion and did live his own worst life.
His parents had power over him but decided they'd rather have money than another mouth to feed? Fuck them, Enver could earn more money than they ever had. Raphael had power over him and lived a life of luxury while treating his slaves to all the horrors of life amongst devils? Fuck him, Enver could accumulate more luxury than even a devil would ever have, even steal his coveted toy. He was smart, he could outwit them, he could be worse than them if needed and leave them all crying in the dust at his success.
And then he did whatever was necessary, the way his own family had done what was necessary, no matter how dirty. Went on to beg, borrow, and steal his way to the good life with no sleazy stone unturned. Seducing people to steal from them? Who cares, if they don't notice he's doing it then they're idiots and deserve to be taken for a ride. Weapons dealing? Barely a crime at all, if he wasn't doing it someone else would. Selling slaves? Who cares, it was done to him and he got out, anybody who can't is just a weakling. Selling Karlach in specific? Betraying those who trust you to make a quick buck is just good business, he had it done to him and he's fine. Playing with people's souls and lives in the most horrific fashion possible? Whatever, it's not his soul and they're not worth that much anyway, devils literally spend them as currency.
Hitch your wagon to somebody more powerful than you, use their influence to gain more power over others, then step on them to climb your way up the ladder -- that's the way you get what you want out of life. It's no surprise that he threw in his lot with Bane. Sure, he's technically got a new master holding authority over his head (though with as arrogant and self-aggrandizing as he is, I can picture him even thinking "I already outfoxed two powerful devils, I'm about to rule the world, so...what's a single god really?"), but all these stupid mortals underneath him? Now they have to do whatever he wants. It's childish petty revenge taken to the utmost logical extreme possible. Everybody he ever hated, everybody who ever wronged him, everybody who might want to wrong him, they have no choice but to bow and scrape forever and it's the best kind of vengeance against the world to be able to hold that over them. Just consider what he does to his parents. He could've just killed them. Instead his wrath comes in the form of making them watch his success while trapping them in an unending hell they can never escape for as long as they live. The same fate they would have abandoned him to if things had gone differently.
So much of this is told through text notes and little side details that it's easy to miss, but I love that one of our main villains is somebody who suffered in a very similar way to some of the main cast members and his response to that wasn't trying to become better than what was done to him, it was to aim himself straight toward way, way worse.
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mulligans-tavern · 10 days
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https://www.tumblr.com/doomed-to-wanda/747617028751474688?source=share
Inspiration above
TW death, grief
---
Five Funerals
They lose Fig first.
Comes with the territory when you're an archdevil - somebody's always looking to take your spot. "Don't worry about it," she says, opening a Planeshift to the recording studio. "It's just the usual rebellious fiends. Icythorz and Bolhondrus and the rest. I'll be back before you know it." She looks resplendent in black leather, the Unfaithable Bass slung across her back, riding the fiery Daymare surrounded in jagged red shards.
Adaine knows before everyone else, but can't believe the vision to be true until she learns that Ayda is gone, too. She scratched every memory of Fig out of her notes before starting over - it was too much pain to bear. The five of them know how it feels.
---5---
It's a few years before they take another hit. Another mission to the Mountains of Chaos, another world-ending calamity to be stopped because Who Else Is Going To Save The World? A small misstep, a miscalculation (six where there should be five, they're only five now) and suddenly the routine becomes deadly.
Riz takes the fall. "It's easier this way," he says, in his last moments. "I'll still see you." And he does. Agent Gukgak Jr., now, with some extra responsibility. But he still comes by. Sometimes. Every so often. Often enough.
---4---
Kristen is next. Only one thing could bring down the most gifted cleric of the age - sacrificing herself for her friends. Third time's the charm when it comes to death, it turns out.
Gorgug is the most hopeful that she'll come back, that she'll find a way again, like in the Nightmare Forest. But Adaine knows this is the end. Even Arthur Aguefort agrees. He quotes Alanis Morissette at her funeral. The followers of Cassandra pull out all the stops.
Adaine, Fabian, and Gorgug have their own ceremony at Ashgrove, next to the Gukgak family plot. It's quiet. Bucky cries into Ragh's shoulder. Aelwyn, Jawbone, and Gertie collect flowers. Tracker stays for a few minutes to say goodbye.
---3---
They quit adventuring after Kristen's funeral. And they don't lose anyone else for a long time. Riz still visits, every few years. They talk about the good old days, how silly it was that Baron was so terrifying when at the end of the day it was an honest conversation that finally did him in. There's rumours that Kristen has ascended to goddesshood herself - Adaine doesn't buy it. She's not the type to be revered.
They come out of retirement for the only reason they would - to bring back one of their own. They finally found Fig's soul, trapped in a ruby in the darkest levels of the Abyss. They can't ask anyone to come with them - it's too dangerous, it's too personal. It's missions like this that kill people.
And when it's all over, when Adaine carries Fabian's burnt, unconscious body back to Morded Manor, they have another funeral to plan.
Gorbag and Roz have already passed, and Wilma and Digby are too old to make preparations, so it falls to Jawbone to organize it. He knows they don't want a lot of fanfare. It's at Ashgrove again, just Adaine and Fabian and the Thistlesprings, and Aelwyn and Ragh. Sandra-Lynn is back in Solace - she sends Adaine a heartfelt text saying she appreciates the invitation, but she can't bring herself to come.
Riz doesn't show for the ceremony - he's desperately scouring the heavenly realms, trying to make sure Gorgug ended up somewhere he wasn't afraid of. Orcish heaven doesn't have him, he reports, and neither does Cassandra.
If he's trapped in the Abyss with Fig, at least they have each other.
---2---
Adaine sees Fabian's death the night of Gorgug's funeral. She needs to prepare, she tells herself. She knows it's going to be hard. She needs all the time she can get, and she needs to know which goodbye will be their last.
They grow old together. Not romantically, although some speculate. Fabian becomes a multiclass advisor at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Adaine works in Bastion City as an archivist, with occasional trips to Fallinel for Oracle services. They go for vacations sometimes, but never for too long. The memories find them no matter where they go. Sometimes Adaine wishes she could be Ayda, scrape off the old wounds and start fresh. Arthur talks about her sometimes. She's never had the same spark as that one lifetime, he says.
Adaine watches the wrinkles grow beside Fabian's eye, watches his hair turn grey, watches the Future of Dance become its Mentor. He trades his Battlesheet for a cane-sword, then a regular cane. He takes to wearing the Gregorian necktie to classes, no matter how much it clashes with his outfit. They both wonder how many of their own teachers lost party members.
Adaine holds Fabian's wrinkled hand on his deathbed, in his old room at Seacaster Manor. He grins, flashes the same perfect teeth as on the first day of Freshman Year. "Bet you didn't see this one coming, did you?"
"I did," she whispers, tears streaming down her young elven face. "I knew it would end like this. But I always hoped it would last forever."
They're the last words he hears.
It's not the first funeral Adaine organizes. All the Bad Kids held one for Buddy Dawn, back in high school. She and Fabian worked together on the services for Jawbone, Ragh, and Chungledown Bim - who finally caught up to Fabian in both of their old ages. It is the first funeral she has to organize alone.
Some of Fabian's students attend. Arthur Aguefort gives a short speech, and a few students hear the story of Kalvaxus' return for the first time. Adaine sits with Aelwyn in the front row, a few seats down from Hallariel. Gilear records the service to show Telemaine later. Riz is somewhere deep undercover - he maybe hasn't even heard yet.
She always knew she'd be the last. She didn't expect it to hurt so much.
---1---
Adaine stumbles through a few years before she finds herself again. They pass so fast without a mortal lifespan to hold up against them. She drifts between Fallinel and Bastion City for the most part, with occasional return trips to Elmville. Aelwyn always has a place for her to stay. Seacaster Manor was turned into a dormitory for Aguefort students who needed a place to study, or sleep, or stay away from home for a while. Tracker converted Morded Manor into a temple/bed-and-breakfast for worshipers of Galicaea. Strongtower Luxury Apartments was demolished soon after Fabian started teaching at Aguefort. It seems like everything is different now.
Adaine visits Leviathan once, on a whim. The Compass Points hasn't changed a bit. On a chance meeting in the stacks, Ayda looks at her with a spark of familiarity.
"Adaine Abernant?"
"Yes... you remember me?"
Ayda shakes her head. "There are mentions of you in my journals. I leave journals for when I regenerate-"
"I know. I remember."
Ayda looks intrigued. "I wrote that you were a great wizard, and a good friend. I hear from other sources that you are the Elven Oracle. Perhaps you can shed some light on why the pages around yours are torn to shreds or redacted to the point of unreadability?"
Adaine places a gentle hand on Ayda's shoulder. "I don't know if you'd want that. You lost someone you cared about, so much that you thought it was better to forget her than to bear the pain of losing her."
Ayda considers this. "Is it better to forget?" she asks. "Would you give up the memories of those you lost, in order to keep a logical mind?"
"No. Not for anything."
"Then we should talk."
Adaine smiles. "I'd like that."
---2---
*end
Thanks for reading all the way through! I wrote most of this at 2am and the conclusion the next morning. Please take a reblog to share with your friends or drop a like to let me know you enjoyed - or hated - the story!
Ask me anything about it, please, I love discussing these kinds of theories!!!
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astraystayyh · 10 months
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Stray kids song series masterlist
The series is finally done! this is my little thank you for hitting 2k followers!!!!! which is absolutely insane and i never thought i could reach that milestone. thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my works and for giving me a safe space to write, it truly means the world to me.
I'll be posting a fic a day starting from tomorrow, and I'm so excited for you all to read them :") thank you smm again, ilyyy all <33
• Myth- beach house. Bang Chan x reader. friends to lovers.
Skimming across the edge of being friends and something more with Chan is a dangerous game. Even more so when you're both sharing the same bed.
"The consequence of what you do to me, help me to name it."
• The only exception- paramore. barista Minho x reader. strangers to lovers. slow burn.
Minho was content with straying away as far as possible from love. That is until you stumbled into his café on a rainy night, and unwittingly, into his life.
"Cause none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception."
• The alternative- lyn lapid. brother's best friend Changbin x reader.
You've diligently chased the idea of being with Changbin out of your mind. That is until he picks you up from a bad date, making your steadfast resolve unravel all around you.
"Love is a risk. But what's the alternative?"
• Somebody else- the 1975. Hyunjin x reader. exes to lovers. miscommunication.
You and Hyunjin have broken up, guilt and blame simmering between you both. He doesn't care anymore, or so he thought. Then why does it hurt him to see you with someone else?
"Don't want your body but I hate to think about you with somebody else."
• Backburner- niki. Han x reader. exes who can't move on.
It's been seven weeks since Han broke up with you. And yet, he's calling you every saturday night, without fault. And even though you try not to, you'll still pick up each time.
"You'd think I'd be a fast learner. But guess I won't ever mind crisping up in your backburner."
• If the world was ending- JP saxe, julia michaels. Felix x reader. estranged childhood best friend to lovers.
Felix has always been there with you, from the moment you've met him when you were 8 years old. Until he suddenly no longer was, and you were left to grapple with the consequences of his absence- and those of his return.
"If the world was ending you'd come over, right?"
• In my dreams - tearliner. Seungmin x reader. enemies to lovers.
Seungmin has never liked you. You never understood why, but you were slowly coming to terms with it. However, you gradually come to learn that there is more to his feelings than what meets the eye.
"I'm sorry that I misjudged you, until you wiped my tears off away."
• You're sexy, I'm sexy- eric nam. Jeongin x reader. friends to lovers.
Jeongin is out with his friends, and you. You're tipsy and sitting on his lap, and he doesn't think he can keep his crush for you at bay anymore.
"it could be simple as loving each other with no strings."
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towards-toramunda · 8 months
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Thinking about more iconic lines from the show over the years instead of going to bed and created a list that is far too long:
- What’s my mother’s name?
- My best. Finally.
- I have so many flowers to bring to her.
- You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it.
- Don’t get on my ass about it! All I heard is that its pretty easy to do here thats all I took from what you said. (Bonus: its for the god of arts and crafts)
- At dawn, we plan.
- Doo doot doo doo doot doooo donuts!
- What matters more, the dream or the dreamer?
- Sleep well with your bad decisions.
- Nothing happens for a reason. It’s absolute fucking chaos.
- Patience is fine, but it can curdle into apathy.
- I’ve met the devil, thats not him.
- You never take copper. That's just kicking someone while they're down. You take silver if they're an asshole, and you take gold regardless.
- Time is one of my specialties.
- It’s entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are.
- How lucky I am to have had all of you. How lucky indeed.
- I smell like a crayon.
- I could tell by the bone structure and the contempt.
- I think I can punch ghosts now.
- Big moon, little moon.
- Pop, pop!
- I need chaos. I have faith in chaos.
- Molly said not to steal from happy people.
- I am going to tell you the story of how I murdered my mother and father.
- Smiley day to ya!
- I killed my family, I’ll throw you under a bridge.
- We’re on the moon bitch.
- She throws it. I shoot it. It explodes! NO STRUCTURAL DAMAGE! (FLUFFERNUTTER)
- I am all for faith, and I'm not going to pick a god. They can pick me. It'll be the first one that actually praises me and then maybe I'll fucking answer. I'll wait. They can fucking beg. And I will listen, which is more than they ever fucking did.
- I would like to RAGE!
- The worst thing that has happened to me has already happened.
- We're running; it's bad.
- You can reply to this message.
- Dagger, dagger, dagger.
- Opinions are like opera. Sure, you can listen to them, but why would you, really?
- There is no god that strides this world that I worship more than I worship your heart.
- I would like to live long enough to be someone else.
- Help, its again.
- Whoever it was, just put it back. I think they've earned it. Put it back.
- I’m fun scary.
- Sorry, babe. Gotta handle these ninjas.
- I’m the cleric? I’ve never traveled with a bunch of people I thought would die in front of me.
- He thinks I’m gonna go into the water for some fucking buttons.
- You are, at the moment, the luckiest person in Whitestone. Do you know why? Because you’re at the bottom of my list.
- You need me more than I need you.
- I protect him. He’s my boy. And I keep him safe.
- I made the earth remember him.
- Come correct or get corrected.
- Do not go far from me.
- Are you worth saving?
- How do I want to do this?
- Heaven to some, and hell to others.
- Fix him!
- Why do we tell stories?
- Do you spice?
- Listen you fucking jungle! I'm a paladin of the Wildmother. You're going to move or we're going to bust you wide open! We'll wreck this place. Don't make me fucking tell you twice!
- I am your god, long may I rein, eat of my fruits.
- Anybody can make lights. Anybody could send a message through a wire. I want to bend reality to my will.
- Would you like to talk before or after?
- What the fuck is up with that?
- To reach a hand down to somebody, they need to be beneath you! And I'm beneath nobody.
- The one eyed monster slayed my pussy.
- Time is a weird soup.
- I’m killing someone. Hold, please.
- Gold is a resource by which mortaldom climbs.
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Yours is the face I saw when murder entered my heart.
- This one time I saw a bug carrying a piece of bread that was like five times its size and he was carrying upstairs, like up and then he would turn, and then up, and then he would turn.
- I live as long as Whitestone lives.
- Vox Machina! Fuck shit up!
- I’m not disappointed, I’m just angry.
- Someone prayed for a miracle and there you were.
- We don't leave people behind. That's just the rule. You do not leave people the fuck behind.
- Call me child one more goddamned time!
- Finish it, Champion.
- I am of the Empire. But I am no friend to the Empire.
- I think it has been a long time since anyone has pointed out to you that you're a fool. Pain doesn't make people, it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential. It's love that saves them. And you would know that but you have none around you. You said so yourself, you surround yourself with lies and deceptions. And I wish for you, in the future, to find someone to mourn you when you are gone.
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taintedbenevolence · 7 months
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Yandere Itadori Yuji + Yandere Sukuna x fem!reader Headcanons
! MINORS DNI !
A / N - NSFW content is only on Sukuna's section. Itadori is underage; I will not be writing NSFW content for him.
𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄          𝕀𝕋𝔸𝔻𝕆ℝ𝕀𝕐 𝕐𝕌𝕁𝕀 𝕒𝕟𝕕 ℝ𝕐𝕆𝕄𝔼ℕ 𝕊𝕌𝕂𝕌ℕ𝔸 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣
𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐘        ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻ℂ𝔸ℕ𝕆ℕ𝕊
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ( + HEAVILY IMPLIED NSFW FOR SUKUNA )         𝕀𝕄ℙ𝕃𝕀𝔼𝔻 𝕊𝕋𝔸𝕃𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾, 𝕄𝕌ℝ𝔻𝔼ℝ, 𝕂𝕀𝔻ℕ𝔸ℙℙ𝕀ℕ𝔾, ℕ𝕆ℕ-ℂ𝕆ℕ 𝔸𝔽𝔽𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ, 𝔻ℝ𝕌𝔾𝔾𝕀ℕ𝔾, 𝕄𝔸ℕ𝕀ℙ𝕌𝕃𝔸𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ, 𝕌ℕℍ𝔼𝔸𝕃𝕋ℍ𝕐 𝔹𝔼ℍ𝔸𝕍𝕀𝕆ℝ, 𝕊𝔸𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕄/𝕄𝔸𝕊𝕆ℂℍ𝕀𝕊𝕄 𝔻𝕐ℕ𝔸𝕄𝕀ℂ
ITADORI YUJI [SUKUNA'S VESSEL]
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" I'LL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE ... I SWEAR IT.
                          JUST PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR LOVE. PLEASE! "
- ISFP - 15 y/o - He/him - March 20 - Caring + Obsessive Yandere 
Yuji, for the most part, isn't a yandere you can immediately notice. He does such a good job at hiding it that honestly, it could grow to be terrifying at how hidden it is. His obsession with you doesn't come out in front of you. Ever.
If you're unaware of it, he'll make sure you don't ever realize it, or at least try his best to make sure you don't. Both because he wants to keep the good friendship you have so far, and he doesn't want to unintentionally scare you off. He's rather gentle on a surface view, you could say. 
With the cheerful disposition alongside with that kind smile he possesses, Itadori is the last person you'd think is obsessed beyond redemption for you and you alone. And thank god he's trying to suppress it when you're present because if you just knew how unhinged he could be when it came to you ... only god knows if you'd ever see him the same again.
Yuji most likely doesn't admit he has an interest if anyone catches on that he's drifting off, thinking about something. Or someone. If somebody asked "do you like someone?" he will most likely shake his head no. He doesn't want anyone involved. Despite his accepting and carefree nature, he'd rather not drag in other people into his love life.
The few times you might rarely ever get a glimpse of his unhinged behavior is when somebody hurts you. The moment Yuji learns someone hurt you, he is beyond pissed off. He might be organizing himself in a rare occasion, but if he so much as hears a whisper or faint rumor that you were hurt?
He's not going to be happy. At all.
He will find you, no matter where you are, even if you're hiding. Any other matter can wait. They can scream at him that someone else is in need of help. But Itadori doesn't care. Not in the slightest. Not when you're the one who's in pain.
That's the scary thing of Itadori. As much as he cares for the wellbeing of the general population, he cares about you more than the rest. For all he cares, he'd die for you and kill for you. He'd do it all, go through hell and back just to be with you. He's like a switch. One moment, he's the caring boy you held a strong friendship with, the one who'd protect everyone.
The other? He could care less what happens to the world so long he gets to keep you for himself. Is that selfish? Yes. Is he aware? Yes. Does he care? Possibly. But will he ever bring himself to stop? Hell no.
You could say that as much as he hates it, Sukuna's traits might show a little when it comes to the latter side. He has no qualms in fighting for you. Verbally and physically. He just does not care.
As for how he tries to keep you for himself.. It's going to take him a long while to figure it out. The way he sees it, if he just drags you, it would terrify you beyond measure, and it wouldn't go too well. He wants to do it in a way you won't have problems with. Even though that's technically.. impossible.
He's definitely thought about taking you for his own with a chloroform rag, but he thinks it's too much of a hassle, and it'd still alarm you. He's also thought of knocking you out, leaving you unconscious until hours later, but he'd hate to hurt you.
So he just ends up being convinced about the fact that he can't take you for himself. Or at least, not kidnap you. Sounds good, right? Not really.
Because then he gets desperate. Increasingly so. He wants you. You. Just you. And he can't have that. And the more he grows desperate, the worse it is for you.
He begins to be a little clingy. At first, you just see it as something playful. He's just being adorable, how he clings to you, likes to be with you, you find it endearing. And for the most part, it is... right?
But it soon becomes a little concerning. He wants to be around a bit more than would be comfortable.
You're going out for a walk? Yuji's right by your side. You're buying some books to read alone? Yuji will accompany you! You want to go back home? He'll walk you back to it to keep you safe. You're calling a friend to make plans? He's going to tag along.
You were going to hang out by yourself someplace? Yuji so happens to be there already. You're going to a restaurant? He's gotten reservations! He's going to be with you, whether you like it or not.
If you ever asked him about it, he'd just say that he's doing this "for your own safety" despite the real reason being that he just is stuck to you like glue because of his obsession. But it doesn't end there. He begins to catch on that you're not exactly comfortable with this.
So he "stops" being with you so much, as much as it pains him. You feel relieved that he's not on your tail all that much, or at least, that's what you think. Because like hell he'd ever let you leave his sight. So he resorts to observing you from afar.
Contrary to what many would think, he makes it be very subtle, barely noticeable. The few times that you feel someone observing you, it's not something that makes you uneasy, and when you turn around and see nothing, you just tend to brush it off.
Yuji is patient. He has time. He has the will. He can wait for you to grow to love him too.
He'll wait until you confess with your face red and embarrassed. And he'll be more than happy to reciprocate. He'll love you with a full heart. So this could go two ways. It could turn out really well for you, so long as you don't find out the amount of people who've been indirectly threatened by him, and you keep loving him as the sweet darling you are.
Or it could be worse. You realize that any movement could result in a person's death. That your love is something sought after preciously. If you ever did, unfortunately, come to realize Yuji's obsession, you best believe he's not going to let you go anywhere.
Hell, if he has to strap you to a chair in your own room, he will- He's not going to risk letting you escape him now that you've found out the one thing he wished you hadn't. But at the very least, it also rids him of a burden.
He can now show you just how true his love his. His passion. His desire. It burns true and rightfully so. You'd do good to not outright reject him either. It would break him if you did, yes. His heart would be shattered. He wouldn't understand.
But at the same time, he would know why. Nevertheless, as much as he feels bad for you, he does not let go. At all. You'd expect that maybe after seeing your pain and dislike for this, he'd maybe loosen up a bit on the restraints, but no. If anything, he takes extra measures to be sure you won't go running away and escaping him.
And if you did manage to run away? Please; it's going to be less than ten minutes before he finds you once he realizes you're gone. It's pointless. You can't escape him, no matter how hard you try. And it'll only be worse for you if you managed to run and he finds you.
In all honesty, it is. His trust in you will decrease. Severely. If you had the freedom to even walk around through other rooms on your own, that privilege is also gone now. You're forced to be in the same place until Itadori comes back to be with you. He will make sure you don't run.
As kind as he is, he will be harsh, should you push him. A patient boy like him also has his limits. You ought to know better than to piss him off and cross the line.
Push his buttons enough times, and you'll begin to know what fear truly tastes like from firsthand experience.
Send your prayers. You might need them.
RYOMEN SUKUNA [KING OF CURSES]
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" I'D KILL THEM ALL IF THEY SO MUCH
                      AS LOOKED IN YOUR DIRECTION. "
- ENTJ - 1000+ - He/him - UNKNOWN - Sadistic + Possessive Yandere
Oh, you're an unfortunate soul.
If you caught the eye of Sukuna, it's fair to say your life is only going to downhill from this point and on. He gives zero shits whether you're consenting or not. He will more than happily drag you kicking and screaming to where he wishes.
He is a highly possessive, jealous yandere. Definitely obsessive, but most prominently a possessive one. And it shows. He never lets you out of his sight. The moment you caught his eye, your fate had been sealed. And your end.. wasn't a good one, to put it lightly.
He's stalked you since day one, and there's no other way to put it. He has. He knows your routine, your preferences, your dislikes, what makes you tick, all of those insignificant details of yours that nobody cares to pay attention to. He knows you better than you know yourself, probably.
It would scare you to think about it. And he wants that. He loves your fear.
From the moment you met, it's clear to him that he's not gonna let you go. Maybe he's a little bit passive at first, just flirtatious, but it's far too dark what awaits you beneath the surface. And you couldn't be more blind to it.
Let's not count how many he's killed. Honestly, he's killed for less, so a massacre in your name is nothing more than a sweet, heartfelt course of action for your affection in his eyes. The blood on his hands is more than you'd ever be able to know.
You most likely tend to avoid him, given he is the King of Curses. You think he's someone who's best left undisturbed. And to a certain degree, this is true. However, in Sukuna's eyes, it only amuses him that you try to avoid him.
He thinks it's funny how you try to find an excuse to not get close to him and to avoid him when even still he manages to find you. He will definitely try to and scare you a bit by making appearances next to you without making a sound. It's like he's just appeared out of thin air next to you and every time he does it you're almost scared shitless.
( Though really, he's just.. stalking you and then showing himself every now and then just to say hi. He likes to piss you off. Yes, he's an asshole- )
Sukuna doesn't really care if his feelings towards you are unhealthy. Hell, he's a curse. Why should he of all people care about whether his feelings are healthy or not? It's not like he's not batshit crazy.
Oh, and remember how it was discussed he'd drag you kicking and screaming with no problem? Yeah, this man (curse) is kidnapping you. Good luck with that. It's better if you don't resist either, because come on. Look at him. He could kill you at any second if he wished to. You're getting more mercy than anyone else ever would by his hands.
Most likely there'll be no way to escape, and he'll have his own fun chaining you. He's not running risks. However, the restraints are more of a thing that he just would use for when he finally decides to take you for himself. He will be fucking you senseless.
Restraints such as chains, cuffs, and collars are an absolute thing he'd use on the occasion. He is tying you up. Sukuna is sadistic, and it shows. Knife-play may also be involved, though he takes care to not hurt you gravely, just enough to draw blood on some places. (As much as he hates to admit, he won't hurt you enough to kill you. He does care. In his own weird way.)
His sadism isn't just shown by the way he delights in your fearful expression when you plead him to spare others, to not kill them. It doesn't just show when you beg him, to the point tears brim from your eyes. It's honestly pathetic, the way he sees it, but he loves it. He's lovesick. Your suffering is his passion. Pain is pleasure, he'd say.
If you're a masochist, though? And you enjoy all that sadistic shit he makes you go through during sex? Oh god. You better not let him know. He's already a sadist as is, but knowing you enjoy that? It's going to amplify his excitement furthermore than is good.
The moment he realizes you like this, he will take things to a level above painful pleasure. He's going to put you through mind-breaking sex.
He's relentless, really, marking you in more ways than one, whether it be a mark on your neck left by a bite he did, or just fucking you until you can't even think properly anymore and you're all tight and wet, making you keep that length inside of you pushing and throbbing whilst you beg and scream. 
He wants you all to himself, so why wouldn't he go to the extremes? After all, he doesn't want anyone else to even touch you. Please. He'd kill them if they so even glanced at you in the wrong way.
It's not going to be hard for him to claim you as his, nor will it be hard to keep you. You can't escape from him. It doesn't matter where you run, where you hide, to whom you'll plead and beg to help and save you; he'll have his eyes on you and you alone, and he'll make sure that during that bothersome eternity he lives through, you'll be with him too.
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eitaababe · 1 year
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SOMEBODY ELSE !
— chapter 17. you.
a/n — all i have to say is fucking finally
series masterlist. | previous / next
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written portion below. —
you sat there anxiously, awaiting a response from neteyam. it had been a little over ten minutes since you sent the text, and while you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, you know he didn't have any scheduled practice or class today, and was probably on his phone the whole day.
you refused to check your phone anymore, and instead sat on your couch in silence, not bothering to turn on the tv as you knew you wouldn't be able to concentrate.
a sudden knock on the door pulled you out of your nerves, with you silently thanking eywa for the distraction from neteyam once you opened the door.
it proved to not be that much of a distraction, after all.
"neteyam? what are you doing here?"
he was leaning against your doorframe, hair ruffled and clearly was in a hurry. he was wearing his casual sweatpants, and a fitted shirt that hugged his figure just right everywhere—
his voice quickly snapped you out of your trance, with you silently scolding yourself for checking him out at a time like this. "i came over as soon as i saw your text," he panted, wiping the sweat off his forehead. you subtly tilted your head, did he seriously run on his way here? "something was wrong with the elevators so i took the stairs up."
you winced, the thought of running up three flight of stairs would've had you sweating buckets compared to the few droplets coating his forehead.
"i'm so sorry." you blurted suddenly, without thinking, leaving a confused neteyam standing in front of you.
"for the elevator? i mean it's not really like you had control of that—"
"no, i'm sorry it took me so long to reach out. i didn't know you came here to talk that night. ao'nung lied to me and i didn't even find out about it until earlier today."
"oh," he sighed, and what looked like relief washed over his features. "no need to apologize. all that matters is you're ready to talk to me now."
you sent a shy smile his way, opening the door further as an invitation for him to come in. he accepted, walking in and awkwardly standing by one of the barstools in the kitchen.
not wanting to waste any more time, neteyam spoke up. "i should've never accused ao'nung of doing those things. especially doing them to you. i should never have believed violet, i never even really liked her in the first place, if i'm being honest," he chuckled, running a hand through his braids. "she was full of shit, i just— i wouldn't be able to stand it if he was actually like that, and if i knew you were in some sort of trouble with him."
"i get it," you softly spoke, leaning forward onto the counter across from neteyam. "he's not though. and yeah, what he did just now was kind of fucked up, and i practically blew up in his face just now," you paused, laughing at the shocked look on neteyam's face. "but you have to start trusting my judgement. if something bad happens then it happens, and i learn a lesson from that. but you can't control my love life, neteyam."
"you're right," he agreed, not missing a beat. the boy cleared his throat, fingers nervously tapping along the edge of the counter. "i just want what's best for you, you know? and i'm sorry if i come off like a dick sometimes because of it, and i don't even realize, but i swear i'll start trying harder to just leave your problems to you."
you smiled gratefully at him, then furrowing your brows in confusion. "wait, if you didn't even like violet, then why'd you date her?"
neteyam froze in front of you, not knowing how to response. you paused, scared that you overstepped just before he sighed, meeting your eye.
"it's dumb, really. it was a part of lo'ak's stupid plan to get me to move on."
your heart skipped a beat, chest rising up and down with your breaths. "move on from who?" you carefully asked. from what you knew, you were the last person before violet who neteyam had been romantically involved with.
he stilled for a moment, letting your heart soar for just a split second at the mere thought that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same.
"from you."
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FUN FACTS !
— kiri, lo'ak, and tsireya have a bet on who y/n will end up with and kiri was the only one who placed her bet on ao'nung
— neteyam legit sprinted up those stairs, off-season is hitting him like a truck rn cause he was WINDED
— ao'nung saw neteyam's car come in on his way out
taglist #1 / closed ! @n7ytiri @ilovejakesullysdick @possysblog @love-chx @stars4deku @evphology @afro-hispwriter @ydsm-29 @tsireyasgf @goldeneywa @doulcha @krazy-kattzz @fucksnow @squid4 @blairrrrrr @neteyamforlife @dreamtogether2000 @444lyra @ambria @cawi00 @calums-betch @powowowy @fadingpalacebonkpsychic @elegantkidfansoul @kolsmikaelson @mirikusashes @yukichan67 @goodiesinthecloset21 @netemoon @teyums @littlethingsinlife @coconut-dreamz @anm3mi @jjkclub @il0veheartz @liyahsocorro @drugs-for-memes @zendayaswrld101 @grierpilots @misscaller06 @lightskinloak @mommyneytiri @inluvwithneteyam @halibanana @iheartamajiki @ipoopedmypants47 @neigesprincess @lookiiheh @ghostjoohoney @ronalsgirl
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posletsvet · 7 months
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Death Is a Mirror, or How Death Is Linked to the Sense of Self in Jujutsu Kaisen
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Death is a fulcrum of Jujutsu Kaisen's message, a major point of reference for both the audience and the characters within the story. Death is a mirror that catches and reflects the last light of a life reaching its end, a moment of full disclosure that overcomes all distances and renders all defenses permeable. Death is a mirror as it asks one question: who are we when there's no more need to lie?
The thread that binds together all major characters' deaths in Jujutsu Kaisen is how, despite multiple characters trying in an unreliable-narrator-sort of fashion to convince us otherwise, no one's truly alone in death. The connections that people forge with others throughout their lives become their tethers to the world -- and then reach even further, transcending death itself. This is how humans, using Jogo's words, can still linger after they die: through the loving memory of those they held dear.
No human exists in a vacuum. We live in the context of our relationships with the world, of getting to know and getting to be known in return. Our lives, in a sense, are a dialogue -- that's why we give and are given names. We shape the images of ourselves through establishing connections with others; our self-recognition and sense of self come from recognizing those connections. Once again, we learn the outllines of our souls by bumping into others.
These two concepts, recollecting your 'tethers' before death and acquiring self-reflection in others, are consistently brought together in the story. Before everything else, it's reflected in Yuuji's (who the story's focal point as its protagonist) idea of a meaningful death, one gone surrounded by those you love. Nobara, who possesses arguably the strongest sense of self with her loud proclamation 'I'm Nobara Kugisaki!' and who's highly conscious about her relationships with other people. Megumi, whose overarching struggle for self-determination has him relying on others to define his own worth and leaves him passively suicidal. Toji, who in his last moments thinks about his family and understands that by leaving them behind he deviated from his true self. Nanami, whose fading mind conjures the image of his closest friend and who, guided by that, chooses to go south and stay true to himself. Kokichi is yet another example, and actually quite an interesting one. His character is explored primarily through the juxtaposition between the concept of 'the body within the world' and his forced isolation, but who still contextualizes the world through his connections with his friends. It's no coincidence that Kokichi's character arc is closely linked to Mahito, who is dubbed a mirror of death.
In short, there's a plethora of instances where death and one's sense of self are tied to one another like that. I'll ramble a bit about how this correlation is discovered in both Gojo and Geto's characters below the cut.
The lack of self
Gojo is somebody who's essentially lacking both connections to others and a sense of self-identity. His entire personality is shaped around the notion that he's The Strongest, the very thing which prevents him, even if in his own mind, from building meaningful relationships with the people around him.
Not having to challenge or change his self-image, Gojo has little to no recognition of himself as a person outside of his title. He has never faced a need to discover himself in relation to the world; he was given a foundation to construct his identity on upon birth. Did he really need to grow past that and redefine himself? Satoru lacks self-reflection -- most literally.
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With Gojo's face obscured by the gaping void, we do not get to see his reflection. I'd say it's quite an apt visualization of Gojo's identity crisis. Who are you if not The Strongest? As Gojo's position is challenged with his Infinity suddenly overcome, this question is forced onto him.
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But as he's spent over a decade trying to escape answering it, he never got a chance to acquire a definitive answer. So now, in Shibuya, he flees from it once more.
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It's painfully ironic and at the same time fully logical that it is Geto who exposes this issue to Satoru as Gojo's sense of self is arguably connected to him more than anyone else. During their student years Suguru was the one who persistently rejected treating Gojo as a title and not a person, who looked through decorum and actively chose to see him not as Gojo Satoru, The Strongest but rather as Gojo Satoru, a teenage boy. For Gojo, it was through Geto recognizing him as a person that he was able to reach that recognition, too.
But after Toji Gojo is forced to seek self-affirmation and validate his ego by reclaiming his position, which was threatened by him losing to somebody for the first time. He tries to reinforce his self-image by separating himself from the world, which ultimately leads not only to his now automatic Infinity rendering him unreachable (= disconnected), but also to a loss of his sense of self as he loses his one and only connection.
As I've already said, with the Prison Realm breaching the defenses of Gojo's technique, this issue, his lack of a firm sense of identity beyond his title, is exposed to him once more. It's reflected in the way Satoru places his priorities post-unsealing. He fights Sukuna with seemingly a single purpose of cementing his position as the strongest sorcerer alive and thus regaining his uderstanding of who he is. The answer to this question has never lain in the plane of strength alone, though, and that is why Satoru fails utterly.
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But in death, as the relevance of his Infinity is eliminated, Gojo is finally able to reconnect with his sense of self. He's reverted to his teenage self, to the time he could still relate to somebody on a personal level and get stronger for it. The entirety of the 236 chapter, in a sense, is written as an affirmative: he is The Strongest because he is Satoru Gojo, not the opposite, but it's his death which makes him finally recognize this.
The deviation from self
Now, this image could not be intended as a visual parallel to Gojo's reflection, or lack of thereof, in the Prison Realm's eye. Nonetheless seeing that scene in Shibuya animated immediately reminded me of it, and I think there potentially might be some thematic similarities between the two as well.
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Talking about how our identities are defined by our connections to other people as much as our relationship with ourselves, it'd be only logical to assume that Geto should have a firm grasp on who he is. Not only is he a deeply self-reflective character, but also one who actively relates to others.
However, Geto's reflection in Gojo's eyes is unclear and uncertain, almost indistinguishable. It might be a neat way to convey how, finally taking a moment to look at his best friend for the first time since SPVI, Gojo doesn't really recognize him for how much he's changed. But it also could hint at how Geto, driven to the point where he bends and warps his beliefs to justify his actions, also bends and warps his sense of self.
At least how I see it, the image above calls to mind this panel:
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The moment Geto tells Satoru he's decided on 'his true feelings' which would define him as a person. Isn't it ironic how in the exact same conversation he talks about how the goal he's settled upon is only possible for Gojo, meaning striving to achieve it would be akin to trying to become someone he's not? The light novel outright tells us as much:
This was the final confession of a man who could only choose to warp himself, who had erased himself in pursuit of his goals. The only person who could bear such a curse was Gojo Satoru.
In this light it's interesting how Gojo's struggle with his sense of self makes itself known through something which threatens his position as The Strongest, whereas Geto's is reflected in the eyes of someone to whom he refers while saying 'If I could become you...', deviating from himself.
A major factor of overcoming trauma is embracing the inadequacy of what happened. So, to a certain extent, by becoming an enemy to the system Suguru wants to prove the world of jujutsu sorcerers wrong and himself -- right. It once again reminds me of Toji's dying thoughts.
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The flip side of 'deciding on your true feelings' is ultimately anchoring your entire identity to what is just a single aspect of it. People exist in motion, and our personalities are in actuality as dynamic and complex as our relationships. But Geto bound his self-definition to what was rather simply a reactive feeling, so in the end he inevitably failed to live up to it.
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And once again, it's exposed at the moment of Suguru's death. In his case, though, this failure is also what leads to his defeat and consequent death in the first place. I also find it curious how Geto's face is the first thing Gojo sees in the afterlife, while Gojo's face is the last thing Geto sees and acknowledges in his life. And just like Gojo, in his last moments Suguru reminisces about their shared past.
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The image almost mirrors what we saw in the chapter 236, suggesting how Geto's true self is in turn tied to Satoru. Despite how vague and uncertain their relationship's come to be, the two are rendered inseperable even in death -- or rather, in death especially.
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cosmerelists · 2 months
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Top 12 Sanderson RAFOs that Haunt Me
[SPOILERS! For Stormlight and Mistborn (both eras) especially]
"RAFO" = "Read and Find Out," AKA, a question that Sanderson says may be answered in a future book. Here, then, are Sanderson's "Read and Find Out" answers that most haunt me...insofar as I'm desperate to know how the answers will play out in the future!
(I'll link to @onlycosmere or the Coppermind for the sources!)
#12: Where is Design in Lost Metal?
Whenever Hoid appears in a book chronologically later than Stormlight 4, we all freak out if Design is somehow not there. There was (seemingly) no Design in Tress and no Design in Lost Metal. Someone asked about the Lost Metal and got RAFO'd (here). Sanderson's response of "oooh, excellent question" makes me especially curious. Like, does something happen to Design? Or is Design some sort of object that we don't realize is Design? So curious!
#11: Is Spook still alive?
Someone asked if Spook is still alive, and Sanderson RAFO'd it (here). I'll admit; I'm mostly curious about this because I'm curious about Kelsier and how he drew Spook into his terrible (?) schemes. And it's always interesting when those characters from early books come back. I wouldn't mind seeing Spook around again!
#10: Taravangian's Perfect Day
Someone asked if anything else of note happened on Taravangian's Perfect Day, and Sanderson said yes (!) and then RAFO'd the details (here). I can't even begin to guess what this might refer to, but it feels pretty important. I wonder what it means!
#9: Valor Will Be Mentioned in Stormlight 5
Well, name-dropped anyway (here). Valor is one of the few remaining shards we don't know much about, so I'm curious as to what we'll learn about her in Stormlight 5 and in what context she'll be name-dropped. I'm not as curious as I should be, I guess, because I frankly can't keep all of the shards straight. But it'll still be cool!
#8: Renarin's Detective Skills
Somebody asked if Renarin figured out on his own that Adolin killed Sadeas, and Sanderson gave it a "partial RAFO" (here). I really hope we find out more about this, maybe when Renarin is the flashback character. I want to know how he knew, and what he did with that knowledge. More Renarin overall, tbh!
#7: Hoid Dated a Dragon
Hoid dated a dragon once; it's canon (here). But which one? That we're still waiting to see! I'll admit; I'm curious.
#6 Were Glys and Tumi Dead-Eyes?
Someone asked if Glys & Tumi were dead-eyes before Sja-anat got to them (here). Sanderson RAFO'd it and said it was a good question (!!). That doesn't mean the theory is true, of course, but it means it COULD be true! And if dead-eyes can be restored by Sja-anat, then........is there hope for Maya???
#5: Missing Yellow From Pinter Ink
Someone asked Sanderson about the hion colors, and how blue and magenta are printer colors, and how yellow is missing. Sanderson indicated that this was exactly as he had planned and RAFO'd the missing yellow "ink" (here). Later, Sanderson explained a bit more that if there were a third Hion line, it would be yellow, and hinted that there was a reason it was missing (here). Sanderson has elsewhere indicated that "yin yang" type investiture is a Cosmere-wide phenomenon...which means...what? That there should be another magic outside of the dichotomy? That it's missing? Just from the hions or from all magic systems? Does this have something to do with aethers as the non-Adonalsium magic type?
I'm not smart enough with Cosmere science to know, but I AM very curious!
#4: If Kelsier and Moash Meet
When asked what would happen if Kelsier and Moash meet, Sanderson RAFO'd it (here). Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that they will meet, of course...but it means they COULD. And now I want it--I want it so much! #Let-Moash-join-the-Ghostbloods-as-Kelsier's-righthand-man-2024
#3: Ask Me About July 18
I think much of the fandom is aware of this RAFO, where Sanderson tweeted that we should all remind him to talk more about the important scene that he wrote for Stormlight 5 on July 18 (here). Like everyone, I am desperate to know what scene he is talking about. The Odium duel? Renarin and Rlain getting together?? Szeth and Kaladin petting a baby sheep while they talk about their feelings??? It could be anything!
#2: Rat skulls glow on Threnody?!
People who pay attention to my every comment on this blog may know that Threnody is my favorite Cosmere planet, and so I was definitely interested to see this RAFO, where Sanderson said that...rat skulls glow on Threnody for a reason?? (here) Not only did he say that they glow for a good reason, but he also "laugh[ed] gleefully" apparently. I am so curious...and so alarmed.
#1: Hoid Drinking Perfume Will Be Relevant
But the "RAFO" that most haunts me is from way back in 2016 (here), when someone asked why Hoid was drinking perfume in Bands of Mourning...and Sanderson RAFO'd it, saying that he planned to delve into it one day. D-Delve into WHAT exactly? How could it possibly be Cosmere-relevant that Hoid was drinking perfume? Is it about where he got it? Is there a perfume-drinking-based magic system??
WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN
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