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#I don’t know anything about bodies and healthy habits so instead I just give u this

honeytonedhottie · 8 months

Note

so you're my only hope and i really wish for your advice. it's humiliating to say my story but i really need help. so i was misdiagnosed with schizofrenia (i 100% know i'm healthy) i need to lie that i have schizofrenia because my mother needs money. and here comes my desires : revision and desired age/grade level and maaany more. i have no responsibilities literally zero! the way i manifest is i walk around my room and viseualise, affirm and overall manifest which is fun but the thing is do you think i should build healthy day routine instead of just pacing around my room all day long? could you provide me a routine? thank you for help because yall are saving me for real. it could be even self care habits to do every day anything to avoid pacing around

thank you for coming to me 💗 and im so sorry about ur story. im so happy that you know the law because you deserve all of ur desires and more!! 💗

so to build a healthy routine and schedule for urself. doing so builds discipline. im gonna give u some healthy habits, a morning and evening routine, and resources for those things. a good place to start tho is making a weekly agenda that changes with the week, something to switch things up every week. just make one 💗💗💗

—healthy habits🩰⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡ moving ur body/pilates - i personally do pilates and i recommend it to literally everybody. but the basic idea is to move around (and that does not mean pacing in ur bedroom) i mean get ur blood flowing and get moving. it doesn’t have to be pilates it can be running, a sport, dancing, yoga etc

here’s a link to one of the pilates workouts that i recommend if ur a beginner :

♡ get a hobby - some hobby recommendations: if u are good at writing try poetry, try teaching urself how to draw or paint or sculpt, learn how to dance, learn how to play an instrument, learn a sport, learn languages, become a good cook, write stories, start a blog, learn to sew or crotchet, learn tech, read lots of books, watch/listen to lots of podcasts. literally just get busy

♡ meditating and journaling - this is so good not only for ur mental health but it can also improve focus and keep u grounded. keep a journal or start meditating every day

here’s a link to a guided meditation for self love :

youtube

♡ self care - i LOVE self care. literally practice self care every single day. take care of ur nails, skin, hair, lashes EVERYTHING. be super intentional with ur self care bcuz it tells our brains that we are worthy of effort and it’ll LITERALLY make u feel like a princess.

♡ manifesting - you mentioned that u wanted to do some revision so something that i recommend for revising is using SATS. or state akin to sleep. once ur in state akin to sleep go back in ur mind and revise whatever u want. or just do SATS before bed every night. this is such a powerful manifesting tool

♡ sleep - aim to get between eight to ten hours of sleep a night. you’ll look better, feel better, and your physical and mental health will just skyrocket

—morning🌸⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡̴ first thing in the morning, fix ur bed

♡ open the blinds/windows if the sun is out, this all depends on what time u wake up but if the sun isn’t out just skip this step

♡ stretch for a couple minutes

♡ write down at least three things that ur grateful for (don’t write down what u aren’t grateful for AT THAT MOMENT, literally just write down three things that ur grateful for right then and there)

♡ brush ur teeth and use a tongue scraper

♡ have a glass of water with some lemon slices

♡ take a warm shower and moisturize

♡ skincare routine

♡ put on an outfit that makes u feel pretty

♡ if u get nauseous when u eat breakfast then try eating something light, but if that doesn’t work then listen to ur body and just skip breakfast. if that’s not the case tho eat a balanced breakfast

THEN GET TO WORK ON YOUR AGENDA THAT I MENTIONED IN THE BEGINNING<3

—evening🍥⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡ take a warm shower and moisturize

♡ 30-60 minutes of self care and pampering

♡ make a yummy dinner that’s nourishing

♡ read for 20 minutes or watch something that enriches u

♡ evening yoga

♡ drink water 15 minutes before bed

THEN GO TO SLEEP AND HAVE SWEET DREAMS <3

this is just an idea, or a basic guideline to follow if u need it. customize it to ur specific needs and day-to-day life. im so excited for all ur desires to manifest cuz u deserve it! mwah 💗💗💗

#self care #law of assumption #self concept #it girl #becoming that girl #self love #manifesting #loa tumblr #neville goddard #that girl #dream girl #it girl energy #advice #daily routine #self care routine

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sebastiankeepsbustingmyballs · 2 years

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I see that the match ups are open. This is my first match up aghhhh. Before that, I hope u are having an amazing day! If not, I wish everything will get better. I do enjoy ur blogs!<33 mwaah.

So let me start: Hello! My name is Natalia. I am 19, soon to be 20 ( I’m getting old, oh no ) and I’m a law student. She/her. I’m a demisexual. I’m attracted to men ( sadly ) ( jk, or am I? ) ( I have trauma with men, I do cope by hating on them ) ( I’m also a feminist ).

I’m romanian but I also have a bit of russian blood in me. The russian genes can be noticed in my face shape, I have a small-ish face, with big enough lips and a small-ish nose. The only thing that is missing are the blue eyes, I have brown eyes instead, sometimes they tend to be hazel. My eyebrows are “ rich “ enough ( I always have to take care of my eyebrows because I do not like the mono-eyebrow on me ) let’s just say I’m a very hairy person but I do love my body hair even when I shave it haha. I’m very pale and kinda short ( not too short tho ). I’m not “ skinny “ but not “ chubby” either. But that doesn’t matter, I’m happy as long as I’m healthy. I do consider my body very feminine, I’m not afraid to show it haha ( and every type of body is beautiful and feminine in my opinion, it’s all about confidence ). My hair is VERY but VERY VERY long, it’s a dirty blonde. I have a very flat and small beauty mark on my nose.

My mbti is enfp.I love academic validation, I love to spend my time with a good book. I am in love with Dostoesvki, Gogol, Jane Austen, Arthur Conan Doyle and Oscar Wilde. Let’s just say simple books don’t satisfy me enough so I always go for a challenge. I love to give a good challenge to my intelect. I tend to get bored of things that don’t give a plus to my intelect. Intelect is the most important thing to me ( I’m not an elitist, don’t worry, I’m just fixated on my mind ). I also tend to overthink a lot.

About the way I dress, depends on the season. When it’s hot, I go for cottagecore, I love a good-aesthetic and elegant white dress and I do ADORE to look like a fairy ( ahh white eyeliner is just my cup of tea ). When it’s cold tho, I’m either dressed like a vampire ( ironic, I’m romanian ) or dark academia. But my personal fav is cottagecore.

When it comes to my romantic partener. I guess I need a curious mind like mine, someone that can make me laugh, lift my mood when I’m sad. Someone that would literally protect me from other men, even when it comes to a cat call ( as he should ). I do love a guy that is gentle with me, with my heart. I love to know that I’m adored and I do love to get gifts ( material gooorl ). I want something REAL. Not just something to impress me and wake up one day with an a*shole. I’m not jealous at all and I would never verify what my bf is doing, that’s his business. If he ever cheats on me, it’s gonna be faster to end things if I do not verify anything, I will just pretend he never existed. I’m very independent by nature, my parents are divorced and all my life I admired my mother, working and raising me and my sister alone. I think I do have the bad habit to run sometimes from the realtionship just because I feel like my freedom is taken from me and I love independence, let’s just say I need someone that is as independent as me.

That’s it, haha idk what else to say. Once again I wish u an amazing day!❤️

Thank you! I kinda got emotional with all of your kinda words. Thank you again.

William T. Spears!

I think that this is the type of relationship that will have a pretty rocky start but will lead to something really good. There may be troubles at the beginning with William’s severe lack of showing/expressing emotion but in time, he’ll definitely be more open. I can see him gaining interest in you because of your love of reading as he too appreciates that. You too would most likely start off the relationship with recommending books. I can also see that he’d like to challenge you academically so you found the right guy for that.

I think he’d find your appearance rather charming and would especially like your interest in cottagecore fashion. Due to him being in the Victorian Era, it would be very new to him if you were to introduce feminism and he may be a bit reluctant at first (only because what he’s used to) but he’ll warm up to it and even value your beliefs as his own soon enough. He’s pretty independent too but may have some moments where he wants to make sure you’re safe. He’ll trust you completely and protect you if you ever need it. Don’t worry about him being unfaithful because when he’s in love, he will only see you as the most important but because of how important he may view you, it may be a bit pressuring to stay in the relationship but just let him know and he’ll understand. In the end he wants what’s best for you and always let you know that you’re safe and can choose what you want.

Other matches are Othello and Ronald Knox.

#william t spears #othello black butler #ronald knox #black butler matchup #black butler #kuroshitsuji

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autumn-writes · 3 years

Note

Hi again! I know this one is a bit longer so don’t feel pressured to finish super fast, relax and take your time if you need it! Anyways could I perhaps request the nsfw alphabet and the fluff alphabet for Mondo? If you need to make it two separate posts then that’s cool, and I hope you’re doing well!! Thanks in advance!!

heya raven!! great to see ya again :D! will be doing them separately as to not get anything mixed up. hope you enjoy this!!

Mondo Owada Fluff Alphabet!

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

- He loves that you're so patient with him! He's short tempered, so he's glad that you're able to remain patient.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

- Your waist! He loves how easily he can wrap his arms around them. It's as if he's protecting you >∆<!

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

- Mondo holds you close to him and lets you rest your head on his chest. It's comforting, in a way.

D = Dreams (how do they envision a future with you?)

- He'd like to live with you! He's quite unsure about children since his patience and temper is quite thin, but then again, a family with you doesn't sound bad at all.

E = Everything (you are my _____ eg. everything, heart, soul and etc. )

- "You are my heart and soul."

F = Family (do they want one? if they do, when?)

- Children would be tiring to take care of, but with you, perhaps he'd want one? He's not sure.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? what are their habits when it comes to this?)

- Mondo doesn't really see a point in gift giving, but he does like getting you an occasional gift. Perhaps flowers or something like a necklace.

H = Holding Hands (when and why do they like to hold hands?)

- He holds your hand a lot in public since he wants to secure your safety with him. He also likes how small your hand is compared to his.

I = Inspiration (did you inspire them to start new things or act a different way?)

- He's grown a lot more patient and less short tempered because of you!

J = Jealousy (do they get jealous? if so, how often?)

-Mondo is extremely protective. He gets jealous when you gang out with other guys for a long period of time.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

- His kisses are very passionate. He always leaves you breathless after every kiss!

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

- He's more of a action speaks louder than words type of guy. So he shows his love for you by simple actions like holding your hand, forehead kisses, and letting you ride his bike with him!

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

- He cherishes all memories with you, but his favorite ones are the time where you two are just riding his bike, both of you talking about anything without a worry in mind.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

- He's afraid of losing you :( He already lost his older brother due to his recklessness, so his biggest fear has to do with you leaving him or dying while he was unable to do anything due to his weaknesses.

O = On Cloud Nine (what are they like when they're in love?)

- Whenever someone mentions you, he gets very flustered and states to fumble on his words. He also ends up cursing a lot, all the while he finds the words to describe how wonderful you are!

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you and why?)

- Doll, Cutie and Sweet cheeks.

- Foll cause he thinks you're as pretty as one. Cutie cause he thinks you're adorable. Sweet Cheeks came from how he often made you flustered, so he started to teasing you for it.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

- He likes to spend alone time with you, but he also enjoys spending some quality time with you and his gang!

R = Romance (how romantic are they? are they creative or cliché?)

- He tries to be romantic! He's not very creative when it comes to romantic gestures, so often times he's more cliché, cause most time he does something romantic that just pulled from a romantic comedy or sumn that he watched a few days back.

- He swears he didn't watch it to try and think of something to wow you nuh uh

S = Support (are they helping you with reaching your goals? do they support you?)

- Hell yes! Mondo is your hype man!! He supports you in everything that you do!

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

- Months. Mondo is quite the tsun, so he'll end up saying something else instead of confessing. Takes a while for him to finally gather what he wants to say

U = Understanding (are they empathetic?)

- He not the most empathetic person, but he tries to be! He's doing his best!!

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

- Damn straight! He shows you off like you're a fine trophy!

W = Wild Card (random headcanon)

- Mondo is a dog person, so dog cafe dates are hella frequent.

X = XOXO (are they very affectionate? do they like to kiss and cuddle?)

- Mondo is a closeted cuddle bug. He loves to kiss and cuddle you, in PRIVATE. In public, that's a bit of a different story since he has a reputation as a biker game leader to uphold.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

- Mondo would take you out for a stroll on his bike, take you to a secluded area where the view is wonderful ang pop the question!

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

- Having you there with him is enough to put him at ease.

- Holding you close to his chest helps as well!

here you go raven!! nsfw alphabet to be done tomorrow cause it's hella late here in my country xD if you want this re-written, i don't mind doing so! this isn't proofread btw so typos and grammar errors mat be spotted here and there :')

do stay safe and healthy! eat your meals, stay hydrated and take rest when needed!

#mondo owada x reader #fluff alphabet #danganronpa x reader #trigger happy havoc x reader #mod mahiru writes #mod mahiru

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blu-joons · 3 years

Text

DATING DAY6 HEADCANON A⇴Z ⇴ Kang Younghyun

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Younghyun is very much a gentleman and his affection will reflect this. He’ll keep you close to him as often as he can, and constantly give you kisses to remind you that he loves you and that he’s right there beside you.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

You knew that Younghyun was popular amongst most people, so when he first started talking to you, you thought he was just being polite. He definitely tried to drop a few hints that he liked you, but you were convinced that was how he treated most people, unaware of just how special you were becoming in his eyes.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

He ended up confessing to you when he began to feel you get quite distant. He was worried that he’d done something wrong, so when you told him you were confused about the signals, he was sending you, he decided to make them clear. You were kicking yourself as he told you how he felt for thinking that he’d treat everyone so kindly or that he would be so kind to you if there wasn’t some ulterior motive behind it.

D ⇴ DATES

Every week, Younghyun would try and work at least one date night into his busy schedule. He loved to take you out to dinner more than anything else, he’d pick you up at your house and make sure that he always dressed smartly. At the restaurant, he’d always pull your chair out for you and be able to pinpoint exactly what you wanted on the menu. Dates with Younghyun often left you speechless, you weren’t quite sure how you ever managed to get so lucky in finding him, but you always made sure to treasure him.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

You were the first relationship Younghyun had been in, which often worried him. He wanted to make sure that he was the perfect boyfriend, he was always scared about making mistakes or doing something wrong. His biggest concern was neglecting you, he wanted to be transparent with you that he was a busy guy, and even though you often reminded him that you would be fully supporting of his career, he couldn’t help but feel bad that there were so often times when you’d go a while without seeing or hearing from him.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

The two of you didn’t tend to argue often, it was hard to find the time to speak to each other sometimes, let alone argue. It surprised Younghyun how little the two of you argued, he’d often expect for you to shout at him when he finally found the time to see you after weeks apart, but instead you’d sit him down and make sure that he was looking after himself. He never quite knew what to say when you were so kind to him, he’d always prepare himself to defend why he hadn’t made much time for you only to come to you and be cared for. You’d sit and listen to how everything was going with him, making sure he was healthy.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

You knew that he was only an only child, so his family wanted the best for him. Knowing they lived abroad too meant that you only got to meet them over video call. That didn’t change the fact though that they could see how happy Younghyun was to be around you, which meant they instantly adored you too.

H ⇴ HOME

He was keen to find a place for the two of you, but he was worried in amongst his busy schedule that you’d end up spending so much time alone. Knowing that the boys were at the dorm was a huge relief for him as he knew they’d keep you company, but yet again, you were understanding, and happily lived wherever Younghyun was.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

The first ‘I love you’ came from Younghyun after a long day with you. It had been a couple of weeks since he’d seen you properly, but seeing you was exactly what he needed to pick himself back up. He couldn’t help but utter those three words at the end of the evening before he left, making sure you knew how thankful he was.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

Younghyun wasn’t someone who often got jealous, he trusted you and was happy to give you a bit of space from time to time. The most he’d get jealous about was your friends whenever they got to spend more time with you. He hated missing out, he hated that you’d end up having to go to gatherings and parties without him. As much as he’d pretend that he was fine about it, he wanted to be there by your side, so when work called instead, he was jealous that you got to meet up with everyone whilst he was left behind.

K ⇴ KIDS

Having a family was a big deal for Younghyun, he’d told you that from the start. Being an only child, he knew it was up to him to give his parents grandchildren, which was something he desperately wanted to do. He was in no rush, he knew with you that your relationship was a long-term thing and that when the time was right for the two of you then having children would happen, and his family would be complete.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

He loves to make you laugh more than anything else in the world, he always prays that your life is full of happiness and smiles. If he’s been away from you for a while, then he’ll always tell a joke on the radio because he knows that you’ll be listening. He loves to tickle you too when he wants to hear your laugh, sometimes the two of you will just be laid in a comfortable silence, when all of a sudden, his hands will attack your sides because he wants to be able to hear your laugh and put a smile back on his own face.

M ⇴ MISSING

Over time, the distance becomes a natural thing for the two of you. As much as he wants to spend all of his time with you, he knows that he can’t, but he always tries to make it up to you. It doesn’t matter to him how understanding you are, he wants you to know how appreciative he is. Deliveries will often appear at your door from him as a sign of his thankfulness towards you for being there for him. You don’t realise the effect you have on him sometimes, but just knowing he has someone waiting for him at home is a huge comfort for him having spent so long away from his family. As soon as he sees you for the first time, his arms will be around you straight away, enjoying the feeling of your touch back around him.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

More than anything else, Younghyun just tends to call you ‘love,’ it’s the simple things that he loves. Whilst you often have nicknames for him, if you want to annoy him, ‘Brian’ will always come out to tease him.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He’s obsessed with your body; he loves how perfectly it moulds against yours when you lie together and loves to explore everything about you with his hands.

P ⇴ PDA

Younghyun isn’t afraid of being affectionate with public if it means that it needs to keep you safe. His arms will often protect you from any attention that comes your way, whilst he’s happy sharing things with you and the fans, he’s very clear that there’s a line, and his arms will definitely push people back if they overstep it.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He questions you the most when he wants to know if you’re alright. When he’s away from you, he worries a lot, so he’ll often check in at various points throughout the day to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Before he goes on tour, Younghyun will write out lots of little notes to leave around the house for you to read. Whilst he can’t be there in person to say these things, he hopes that when you’re feeling down and read through them it will almost be as good as having him there. You always make sure to save them all, and whenever you’re missing him, you’ll dig them all out and read through each and every one.

S ⇴ SEX

Younghyun tends to be the more dominant one between the two of you, he likes to be in control and make you feel as if you’re being well looked after than the other way around. He’ll always put your needs ahead of his own, he makes sure to take his time with you and make sure that you know how much you mean to him. He’s never one to be quick with intimacy, he knows it’s something that should be treasured and special.

T ⇴ TEXTS

He texts you quite a lot to make sure that you know he’s doing alright, but to also make sure you are too. If there’s an artist at the station that he knows you like too, he’ll make sure to send you some photos and maybe even give you a call.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

You were incredibly understanding of Younghyun’s career which was what he was most thankful for. In such a successful time, love had always been the things that had abandoned him until he met you, and now it was all complete.

V ⇴ VACATION

When the time for a holiday came around, you gave him little choice but to take you to Canada. You wanted him to be able to see his family and reunite with all his friends. You were desperate to meet them and listen to all the stories that they had to share about Younghyun, no matter how embarrassed it all made him.

W ⇴ WHINING

Not once did Younghyun ever whine around you, he was far too appreciative of all the things you already did for him to start expecting more from you.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Younghyun loved to kiss you as often as possible, he definitely used kisses as a resource to let you know how he was feeling. You always made sure to appreciate when you felt his lips rest against your skin. He’d often fall asleep absentmindedly with his lips resting against you, it quickly became a habit for him to tuck into the crook of your neck and lay there whilst pressing kisses against the exposed part of your skin.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his best friend, the one to complete the puzzle of his dreams.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

At night, you always made sure that Younghyun went to sleep as quickly as possible. You knew how hard he’d work, and despite his protests that he wanted to spend some time awake with you, you’d refuse and instruct him to sleep.

---

Masterlist

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duskandstarlight · 3 years

Text

Embers & Light (Chapter 23)

Notes: The latest E&L update - enjoy!

Cassian POV

He hadn’t wanted to leave Nesta.

Cassian had known it as soon as he had woken that morning; dread lining his stomach, the sensation as heavy as lead.

That knowledge had grown as they trained in the sparring ring, Nesta deathly silent as she fought with an intensity that almost left him reeling.

He knew it as they walked home: as she disappeared into the bathroom; as he loitered around the house stalling his departure…

Something in his bones had told him to stay, even as she had told him to go. He had followed her to the bottom of the mountain, forcing himself to stay quiet lest he ruin the progress they had made.

Until he had broken, of course…

Words he would once have never dared say to her poured forth. And then he’d touched her again. He needed to stop doing it, he knew that, but he couldn’t help himself. His blood had leapt in his veins at the touch, as if it were trying to burst through his skin… to go where he did not know.

Afterwards, as he tracked through the endless grey snow clouds, all Cassian truly saw was the way Nesta’s lips had parted in surprise. A few mere months ago her entire body would have recoiled from him, as if his touch disgusted her. But like the previous time, after the attack from the kerits, Nesta had only stilled. Not spat. Not batted him away. Only stared at him, as if his touch had made everything go quiet.

It wasn’t just the potential meeting with Feyre that Cassian was concerned about, but everything that came with it. If Nesta decided to meet her sister, Cassian had no doubt that there would be repercussions, the biggest being Nesta retreating into herself. With that came more consequences: a lack of eating, battle trauma, panic attacks and loss of control, to name a few. Cassian’s worry had been so palpable that he'd given up on trying to stifle it and he knew that Nesta had sensed it. It was what had resulted in her snapping at him to leave the house, even after he had promised her dosas — her favourite Illyrian dish.

So with all of that in mind, it was miraculous that Cassian made it an hour into his flight to Swallow’s Ridge before he realised the true gravity of his mistake. Because whilst Nesta may have pushed everyone away after the war, what she had really wanted was for someone to stay and fight for her. And now… he was leaving. Again.

With a long stream of curses, Cassian banked sharply to the left.

Once he’d taken a complete U-turn, he followed the wind that moaned her name, all the way back to Windhaven.

The mountain pass had just come into sight when it hit him: emotion beyond his wildest reckoning. Panic and fear assaulted him with such ferocity that Cassian dropped, a dead weight in the skies, his hands flying to his ribcage as if he could hold in the pain that wanted to burst forth. It took him a few seconds of free falling before he managed to shudder for breath, and an even longer moment for his brain to kick into gear. He threw his wings out wide, his muscles screaming against the force of the wind as he readied his body in the sky.

Siphons flaring, Cassian tried to swallow down his panic just as the scent of her filled his lungs — jasmine and vanilla — rising above the smell of blood and shit and death.

And Cassian knew even though it should not be possible, as surely as he knew the sun would rise tomorrow, exactly where Nesta was as he sped through the sky with impossible speed to the widows camp.

Screams and the flash of steel filled the air as he landed with a thud amongst the tents that made up the Eastern side of the camp. Siphons flaring, Cassian started running just as a sword appeared in his hands, the steel encrusted with a ruby light that gleamed with the promise of bloodshed. Warriors were already on the terrain, steel arcing through the air as they gutted and slashed the remaining kerits. Around him, Cassian could hear sobbing females and the sight of hollow, stricken faces splattered with blood. Some warriors were using their magic to patch up the severely injured, jewelled light flaring amongst the grey terrain. Yet Cassian did not stop. Instead, he allowed his legs to lead him to where he needed to be, giving in to the force that always tugged at him towards Nesta, as if their power were magnets undeniably and inexplicably drawn to the other.

His heart all but stopped when he spied a crowd of females, orphans and warriors at the Eastern-most point.

Crowds were never good he had learnt, it meant there was something worth witnessing.

Nesta’s name left his lips without realising he had done it, the word pouring forth again and again and again until his throat was raw; “Nesta. Nesta. Nesta.”

The low depth of his voice had bodies jumping to the side, until finally he heard his name. “Cassian.”

It was not the voice he had wanted to hear, but relief flooded him all the same as Feyre’s terrified face swam into view. Her slim fingers closed around his arms as he gave her a quick once over to check she was in one piece. She was covered in black blood as thick as tar but otherwise appeared unharmed.

She was in the middle of the crowd and when his eyes slid past her to the figure on the floor and the familiar, leather clad female beside her, Feyre’s grasp tightened on him, as if she might be the one that needed to hold him up.

“I can’t get her to stop,” Feyre said. Her voice was muffled — distant — as Cassian pushed his High Lady aside. Feyre did not seem bothered, she only followed him with a wild sort of panic he had only witnessed from her when Rhys had died in front of their eyes. “Nesta brought the widow back to life. She healed her injuries with her magic but now she won’t stop. She’s not responding to anything and her nose is bleeding…”

Cassian wasn’t sure if Feyre trailed off or if he just stopped hearing. Everything froze inside of him as his eyes took in Mas on the ground. Her wings were splayed wide beneath her twisted body but her chest… it was moving, even though she was lying in a pool of blood; the colour bright and glistening against the grey stone.

And knelt beside her, her slim, shaking hands suspended over Mas’s body, was Nesta.

White, radiant light poured from her palms — healing power that sung with overwhelming brilliance — but through the fog clouding his brain, Cassian knew something was deathly wrong. His siphons knew it too — they blinked, ready to rally his power, as if they too sensed the healing magic that shone from Nesta’s palms straight down onto Mas’s bloody body.

“She won’t stop.” Feyre’s voice tuned back into his ears with a high-pitched ringing sound. “It’s killing her.”

Feyre moved as if she were about to shake her sister, but Cassian’s hand moved of its own accord. “No,” he ordered, knowing somehow that it wouldn’t work — that it would be dangerous to summon Nesta out of the trance she had fallen into.

He forced himself to remain calm as he studied his equal. Her skin was deathly pale, a trickle of fresh blood dropping from her nose and onto the red-soaked stone… as if she were mustering the last of her strength into that pure, magnificent light that sung of devotion rather than the promise of death.

Cassian could feel Nesta exhaustion as surely as he could sense his own, the sensation threatening to pull them both down as his siphons winked in warning. He felt as if he had been wrung out to dry, his magic on its last legs as he said, “Nesta.”

Blood seeped through his layers as he dropped to his knees beside her. He did not feel the way his kneecaps collided with rock, even though he would find twin bruises on his kneecaps later that evening.

“Nesta.”

Her name left his lips again as if it were sacred. Inside of him, something flickered. Slowly, he held a palm up to cup her face, even as the terror that had clamped down inside of him wanted to shake her until she woke up. More blood trickled from her nose, down her lips and chin before it started to make its way down his wrist. Nesta’s body shuddered in response, as if it knew she couldn’t give anything more — that her magic was dying out, and with it, her.

In the background, Cassian heard a youngling start to cry — Roksana. The sound twisted as sharp as a knife.

“Sweetheart, you did it. Mas is breathing. You can stop now,” he said hoarsely. Desperately. “You don’t need to give any more of yourself. It’s ok. You can stop.”

Light sputtered at Nesta’s palms, as if her focus had been pulled away for a fraction of a moment. A part of Cassian chastised his habit for assuming that he could bring her back, even though he wasn’t so sure he was wrong.

Pouncing at the respite in her power, Cassian dared to take a glowing hand in his. Her fingers were ice cold as he placed it to his chest. His heart was thumping hard and his breath heaved from his lungs as if it were his last. He knew somehow that Nesta could feel it — that it would ground her — just as it had the other day.

Nesta’s eyes opened with a terrifying snap. They connected with his for the briefest of moments — mercury on hazel — before they rolled back into her head.

And as if someone had cut a cord loose in her spine, Nesta collapsed like a puppet on a string.

Cassian caught her, rearranging her body into his arms with an urgency that he did not usually let himself show. But he was undone. He did not have time to arrange himself or decide how to behave. He was no longer the general of the Night Court, he was just a male watching his life disappear.

Nesta’s long hair had come free of her braid and the red of Mas’s blood seeped into the golden strands. The image burned behind his retinas as he begged, “Sweetheart.”

Cassian dragged a thumb across the arch of Nesta’s cheekbone — just as he done earlier when she was healthy and well. Now, Nesta’s skin was ice to the touch rather than warm. “Nesta,” he implored.

Wildly, he tried to scan Nesta’s body with his magic, just as Feyre fell to her knees beside him.

He imagined the grey-blue eyes that were wide with panic were a mirror of his own.

“I can’t patch her up,” Cassian told Feyre with a look that was wholly unhinged. His voice was rising with panic but he didn’t give a shit who heard it. He scanned Nesta’s body again with dim red light but came up empty. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“It must be internal bleeding,” Feyre said shakily. Her words blended together with a rushed sort of panic that Cassian knew was coming out of him as well. “The widow’s body stitched itself back together but Nesta didn’t stop. It was as if she was in a trance and then her nose started to bleed…”

Each word stabbed through his stomach as if a blade were being repeatedly thrust through Cassian’s flesh. More blood leaked from Nesta’s nose and inside of him, those twisted strands of rope started to fray and unravel.

Cassian squeezed his eyes shut, his expression wringing at the pain. His siphons pulsed as he looked into himself; to the braided rope that had been strung between them long, long ago but left alone. He willed his magic to strengthen them; red twisting around light wrapped around light. And at the end — her end — no ice.

In the distance, Cassian felt Feyre’s hands on him. They didn’t feel real. “Cassian, what is it? What’s going on?”

His siphons sputtered as Nesta’s light started to turn dark.

Urgently, he snapped his eyelids open.

Feyre was already standing, as if she knew what he was going to say.

“Get Madja.”

Feyre did not respond, she only folded her blood-streaked body into the air at the command until she vanished into nothing.

Feyre arrived at the bungalow with Madja just as Cassian placed Nesta on top of his bed.

He had shot into the skies with Nesta in his arms as soon as Feyre had vanished. Behind him, warriors carried Mas and a blood-soaked Roksana.

In the few seconds before he had taken flight, the housekeeper had woken with an alertness that told Cassian that whatever Nesta had done had worked. Whilst her clothes were tattered and stained red, Mas’s skin was unmarred and her eyes… they were bright, if not a little round.

Cassian was keen to have her checked over by a Velaris healer, but… she was alive and breathing, thanks to Nesta.

Cassian did not think he could have dealt with the loss of Mas.

To put an Illyrian female in his bed went against every cultural tradition engrained into his cold and miserable upbringing, so Cassian had barked at the warriors to put Mas in Nesta’s room and had taken Nesta straight to his. The sight of Nesta amongst his sheets and wrapped in his scent had the territorial part of him clawing at his self-control; he barely saw the other healers arrive on a star-kissed wind, or noticed the speed at which Feyre entered the room. All he saw was Nesta looking pale and small against the blankets, her chest barely moving as blood continued to leak from her nose.

Panic had taken on a new definition. He was consumed with it. Burning as fiercely as Nesta’s flames, and he wanted to snarl and snap, to do something to make everything move faster. To wind time forward to a moment when Nesta was going to be well and he didn’t feel like his whole world was being cleaved in two.

At the doorway, Cassian felt his brother step out of shadow. Cassian only had to share a look with Azriel for the shadowsinger to fold back into darkness, as if he had never been there at all.

With Azriel’s disappearance came Rhys and Madja. The healer hobbled into the room, the aura of calm in a hurricane of panic, but Rhys remained at the threshold, as if he knew that to step in would have Cassian snarling.

The leather of Madja’s medical bag let out a gentle, creaking thump as she placed it onto the bedside table.

“Step away from the patient, please,” Madja ordered with that ancient voice of hers, her hands immediately hovering over Nesta’s head to start a body scan. “And anybody who does not need to be here, it is time for you to leave.”

Shrewd eyes landed on Rhys. Violet met hazel in warning as his brother quickly strode to his mate and placed a kiss to Feyre’s blood-streaked forehead. Feyre did not turn, she only clasped Nesta’s hand in her own with a blankness to her expression that Cassian knew would have Rhys beside himself with worry. Feyre squeezed her sister’s hand tightly, as if her hold would convey the words she would not say out loud, before she reluctantly let it drop.

Rhys clicked his fingers and the blood and grime disappeared from all of their bodies. Without it, Nesta looked as if she were in a deep, pained sleep. The arrows at the base of her nose had taken up permanent residence, and Cassian was so busy scanning Nesta’s body for any obvious signs of injury, that he only just registered the way Rhys paused to clasp Cassian on the shoulder on his way out. The gesture was brotherly but Cassian could not bring himself to acknowledge it. Rhys seemed to understand, disappearing from the bungalow altogether, taking Madja’s healers with him to tend to the injured and set the females up towards the back of the mountain pass where it would be safer.

Madja listened to Feyre and Cassian with an unruffled sense of ease that Cassian suspected only came with years upon years of healing the wounded. The sweet thrum of her magic hummed to life as she slowly ran her hands over Nesta’s thin body.

“She healed a widow,” Feyre told Madja. Her voice shook. Cassian would have reached out to comfort his friend if it weren’t for the hole he was wearing into the carpet as he paced back and forth. He could not stop, even for a moment, the unease in his stomach too intense as he clung to that rope inside of him, not letting himself retreat for a moment in fear that it would snap. “I watched the wounds knit themselves back together and her wings regrow.”

Cassian’s eyes snapped to Feyre just as Madja’s dark hands snagged on Nesta’s abdomen, her magic flaring as if it were setting itself to work. “What do you mean Nesta regrew her wings?” he demanded.

“They were in tatters,” Feyre told him. “There was barely anything left of them—”

Cassian just had time to see Feyre’s mouth fall open in disbelief as he turned sharply on his heel and left the room.

Because Cassian had suspected that day on the battlefield, when he had left with bones that had somehow half knitted themselves back together — fractured rather than broken in the places he had heard them snap, that Nesta might have power beyond death.

Cassian had been too consumed with panic and worry for Nesta that he hadn’t looked at Mas’s own wings… At what Nesta might have done…

“Masak.”

The housekeeper was propped up in Nesta’s bed surrounded by two healers with Roksana tucked into her side. She shot him a shaky smile as he strode into the room. It was a look halfway between trauma and disbelief; of someone who had survived unimaginable pain but was now completely well.

“Show me your wings.”

The order was there and Mas obeyed, holding up a wing in turn, like one might lift an elbow. The look in her eyes was knowing as he gently grasped at her shoulder and squeezed, urging her to lean forward… to showcase the white line that no longer marred the back of them, nor the riddled scar tissue and the missing claw.

Cassian’s hand tightened on Mas’s shoulder. “Your wings —” he started, his voice breaking at the understanding of what Nesta had done — of the freedom she had granted Mas at her own cost.

Mas’s eyes shone. “I do not deserve this.”

“It is everything you deserve,” Cassian told her hoarsely, levelling his gaze with hers to show his words were genuine. “I’m sorry, I will be back. I...”

He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. To explain that he did not know what was wrong with Nesta, let alone whether she would be ok.

“Sinta.”

Mas’s soft voice had Cassian halting at the doorway. He leant heavily against the doorframe, his body using the reprieve to sag. He was so tired. He felt utterly drained, as if every movement had him wading through mud. “Yes?”

He did not turn around to look at the female who was the closest thing he had to a mother. She would know how close he was to breaking if he looked at her, and right now, Cassian needed to be strong.

“Lady Nesta... she is going to be ok?”

His voice cracked despite his best efforts. “I don’t know.” Reaching inside of himself he grazed that twisted piece of rope — the tether that he had not let go of since he had felt Nesta starting to slip. “I am glad that you are all right. I’ll be back later,” he promised, and unable to look at her for fear of breaking, he returned to his bedroom.

Feyre and Madja were where he had left them: Feyre white-faced and perched on the armchair beside his bed; Madja hovering over Nesta with her eyes shut in concentration.

Yellow healing light poured from the hands that hovered over Nesta’s lower abdomen with an intensity that told Cassian that Madja’s healing magic had been set to work.

It seemed to be helping; when Cassian looked to Nesta’s face, he was relieved to see the colour back in her cheeks and that blood had stopped trickling from her nose. A path of dried blood remained there instead, the copper flaky.

He wanted to wipe it away — to rid Nesta of all traces that said she was suffering.

Feyre shot him a concerned look as he stepped fully into the room, but he paid her no heed. “Mas’s wings were damaged long before today,” he announced. “They were torn, cut and riddled with scar tissue. Nesta didn’t just regrow her wings, she healed them completely.”

Understanding dawned on Madja’s face. When she opened her ancient eye, something akin to awe flitted across her features.

After a moment, Madja’s hands dropped. She beckoned to them with a thin, bony hand to leave the room.

They followed the healer as she hobbled into the living area, where she rested a hand on the couch, as if to steady herself.

She stared first at Feyre and then to Cassian where she held his gaze — as if she could feel the territorial panic that threatened to consume him. “A healer usually uses a combination of magic and their own energy to restore health to the sick or injured,” Madja started to explain. “If we run out of magic, we simply cannot heal, but Nesta’s magic is unlike I’ve ever felt before, and as such, it does not work like mine.”

“Even healers as old and as experienced as I cannot mend long-term injuries in one go,” Madja continued quietly. “We have to dig deep into the trauma to correct what has been pushed down with time. Regrowing long-healed wounds takes an enormous amount of healing magic. Today Nesta went beyond the urgent life-threatening wounds and started to heal past injuries.”

“Is that why Nesta started to bleed out?” Feyre asked, as she tried to connect the dots. “Because her magic was too depleted?”

Madja nodded seriously. “Yes. By not only bringing Mas back from the brink of death but healing her completely, I would guess that Nesta gave too much of herself. Magic is balance. For healers, it’s about giving our own energy. For Nesta, it appears the consequences are far more dire if she is not careful, and her body will give up on her.”

Spindrift hair as light as cotton wool moved as though soft breeze was running through the house. Madja’s dark eyes came to rest on Cassian. “Nesta will recover just fine. I have stopped the internal bleeding, but she will be sore for a few days. Her body will do the rest. She has completely drained herself of magic and will need to sleep a great deal, but there is no need to hold on any longer. She will be perfectly well.”

Madja’s gaze on Cassian deepened until it became pointed. “It would be worth having a healer train Nesta in her magic so she can learn when to stop. Healing magic is not unlike a trance, it lures you in with its beautiful song, but one must learn the arch of the melody to ensure it does not sacrifice your own health. After all, how can one heal if they are not healed themselves?”

Feyre’s hand darted across the mattress to grasp Nesta’s hand. “When will she be able to leave her bed?”

“A few days,” Madja said, but she patted Cassian’s arm rather than Feyre’s. “She will be in a great deal of pain until the morning.”

Madja bent stiffly to pick up her leather bag from the carpet. “I’m surprised I’m not treating you on your death bed, General.”

For once in his life, Cassian did not banter. “Will you check over the widow before you go? Just for a second opinion?”

Cassian waited for Madja to explain with ancient wisdom that her healers were competent enough, but she only bowed her head.

“Of course.” Madja heaved her bag of supplies into one hand, and Cassian resisted plucking it into his own arms to save the elderly Fae from carrying it herself. He suspected that she would not appreciate the gesture. “She’s a miracle that I would very much like to witness.”

Turning to Feyre, Madja handed two glass vials stoppered with cork. “A sedative to help her sleep and a tincture to manage the pain. Administer the tincture every hour for the next six. Dip a bit onto a rag and wet it on her mouth until she wakes. A teaspoon of the sedative will do — it’s very strong.” Then the healer added, “She’ll need both, so see that they are not forgotten.”

Administering the tincture was easier said than done. Cassian had watched Feyre try to coax Nesta’s lips open for minutes before he had left the house entirely, unable to stand the pain that ran through him in waves whenever Nesta came close enough to resurface. There was also the fact that he did not trust himself to betray how intensely he felt for her in the bungalow that had become theirs, even if that was something he admitted only in his mind.

It was not because he was embarrassed. No, he was certain that all of his family knew the gravity of his feelings, even if it was something he did not wish to voice out loud. They all knew what had happened in the war, after all. Rather it was the knowledge that Nesta would not want his emotions to sit so clearly on the surface for everyone to see. She was a private person and showcasing his obvious feelings for her in front of others without her knowledge could be seen as mockery on her part: her family and his friends knowing what he believed her to either be oblivious to or unwilling to recognise.

And being a territorial bastard on top of all of that… Well, Cassian imagined that if Nesta was awake she would have burnt him to cinders by now.

Fighting the exhaustion that made his limbs as heavy as lead, Cassian made his way to the back of the mountain pass, close to where he and Nesta trained in the mornings. The Illyrian’s had made quick work moving the widows and orphans to safety and setting up camp. To the far left of the pass, nestled under the safety of some pine trees, were a series of large makeshift tents. Their flaps were open despite the elements, and Madja’s healers worked inside, their warm, golden light hard at work as they treated the injured.

In the middle of it all was Rhys. Devlon was by his side, the war lord’s expression set even harder than usual. An outsider would assume that Illyrians, who cared little for the widows and female orphans, would see today’s events only as an inconvenience, but that was not the truth. The truth was that the Illyrian’s viewed it as a wound on their pride — of a fault in their patrols. They also saw it as being kicked whilst they were down — another reason why their High Lord was failing them after they had suffered such losses in the war. And thanks to Kallon’s propaganda after the attacks on the other camps, the sentiment amongst many of the Illyrian’s was that they had been abandoned to rot and die at the teeth of beasts now the Night Court no longer needed them on the battlefield.

It was an attitude felt most keenly by those who had suffered, but here at Windhaven, with Nesta and Feyre on the scene so quickly, the casualties had been far less than they should have been. Without them… it would have been a bloodbath. Cassian had no doubt that they’d have lost far, far more and Rhys’s presence now… it was best that he was here even if the Illyrian’s did survey him with dark, depthless eyes.

They needed to see their High Lord and High Lady. Needed to understand that their Court cared and fought for them. That they had not been abandoned.

Drawing up beside his brother, Cassian did not bother with formalities. “How many?” he demanded to the war lord.

“Thirteen deaths and thirty plus casualties,” Devlon replied, his expression tight at the order. “All contained to the mountain. The guards killed any kerits that ventured further down the mountain path to the main camp.”

Cassian didn’t want to ask at the same time that he had. “And how many were younglings?”

“None. The widows distracted the kerits until the High Lady and her sister arrived on the scene to fight them off.”

Cassian could not think of the destruction those kerits would have wreaked if it were not for Feyre and Nesta. He could tell from the way that Devlon had not spit the word witch that it was a sentiment begrudgingly shared.

Devlon hadn’t given Nesta hell that morning at the sparring ring either. Cassian had all but stalked over to them only to find Devlon telling Nesta to watch where she blasted her fire without a trace of a sneer. Then, later, when he put Nesta through her paces with the blade, Devlon had still been there, watching with those dark, beady eyes of his. It was a look Cassian recognised. It was the same assessing gaze he and Azriel had received all of those years ago, when they had proved themselves to be stronger than every other opponent in the ring.The same look that had allowed them to perform in the Rite and earn their siphons. The same look that allowed Cassian to be standing in front of the war lord not as a meagre foot soldier, but as General of the Night Court’s Armies.

But that did not erase the fact that females had died today because of a gap in Devlon’s patrols.

So he said coldly, “By distracted, you mean that those females gave their lives to protect the youngling’s.” Cassian stared out at the new tents that Rhys had magicked for the widows. Cassian was going to insist to Rhys that buildings were erected immediately. Tents were not protection enough against the kerits and the Illyrian’s were no longer in a place to turn down financial help.

“The females will remain here permanently,” Cassian told Devlon with an air of finality that dissuaded argument. “It is not safe for them to relocate back up to the mountain. This is the third attack in little more than a month on three separate camps.”

“Which leads me to my next question,” Cassian continued, his voice falling into a growl, anger finally creeping into the shock that had taken a hold of him. “Where were the aerial warriors that should have been patrolling the perimeter? It is routine to fly over the widows camp. They should have spotted those beasts from a mile off.”

Cassian had no doubt that it was Nesta’s silver fire and the screams of agony carrying on the wind that had alerted the warriors. What if Nesta and Feyre had not been there to defend the females? Cassian didn’t want to think of the torn limbs and the trailing guts, of the small, lifeless bodies and the staring eyes. He had already seen them at Forktail and Swallow’s Ridge. Had watched the pyres burn and the hatred for their High Lord simmering beneath the Illyrian’s skin.

Perhaps here Nesta and Feyre had done enough to douse the fires fuelling the dissent. Perhaps Windhaven would be the only camp not to fall into the rebellion’s open claws.

Devlon’s dark, beady eyes settled coldly on Rhys. “He pulled extra warriors to guard the bottom of the mountain,” he sneered, jerking his chin to Cassian. “We were short on numbers.”

“They are foot soldiers not aerial,” Rhys interrupted smoothly, before Cassian could snarl a response. “Which,” he added lightly, “you are more than aware of. Where were the aerial soldiers patrolling the Eastern skies of the camp? You have known about the attacks on the other camps and were ordered to tighten the patrols and increase security. So I will ask again: where were the soldiers patrolling the Eastern skies of the camp?”

Rhys’s voice had dropped into a fury which crackled with power, the promise of deathly night hanging in the atmosphere around them. Devlon’s hard eyes flicked to Rhys’s hands, where just one click had the ability to shatter his mind.

He shifted onto another foot, betraying his unease but did not reply.

“Let’s go into the war tent,” Rhys ordered with a calm fervour that Devlon did not dare to contradict.

They stalked to the tent with such intent that warrior’s jumped out of their path with fierce attention.

Rhys waited until they were inside and then he cast a soundproof bubble around them with a flick of his fingers.

He turned to Devlon with a deadly calm that Cassian knew was dangerous. Devlon knew it too. Had witnessed it before.

“My mate saw three figures flying above the mountain pass minutes before the attack,” Rhys said conversationally, his violet eyes piercing.

“Flying across the camps is permitted,” Devlon drawled, with more nerve than Cassian had expected. Illyrian’s did not like to be called incompetent, and although Devlon was the fairest of the war lord’s, sometimes it pained Cassian that he could be no different.

Rhys inspected the invisible dirt beneath his fingernails. “They were not flying the perimeter. They cut straight across the belly of the camp. Now, I can use my own means to suss out who they are by calling in my shadowsinger, or you can do your job as war lord and identify who they were, why they were there and where they are now. They certainly weren’t reporting an attack. Your warriors landed well after my mate and her sister arrived on the scene.”

Devlon bristled. Rose up taller, nostrils flaring. Rhys stared him down, utterly unfazed. The dominant alpha male, always, High Lord or no.

“I’d also like to see the males responsible for the gap in patrol as a matter of urgency,” Rhys continued. “I trust that you and your close circle of most faithful warriors will perform this task as a matter or urgency.”

Together, Rhys and Cassian watched Devlon stalk off, his shoulders set in fury and determination.

Already, dread lined Cassian’s stomach as Rhys violet eyes rested on him, “Do you think this was manufactured?”

Straight to the point. It was a question Cassian had been asking himself again and again as he stared at Nesta’s pale face and the blood trickling from her nose.

“One camp attack can be seen as a tragedy, even two can be passed off as a bad coincidence. But three attacks on three separate camps? It’s pre-meditated, I’m sure of it,” Cassian admitted grimly. “It could be Kallon. It would be smart, to orchestrate attacks on the vulnerable but disposable. It would cement his cause in the minds of the rest of the community. It would make them more open to listening to his ideology and wish for a united Illyria under his rule.”

“It’s a possibility,” Rhys admitted soberly, his features mirroring Cassian’s. “We would need concrete evidence to reveal that there was intent behind the attacks. Illyrian’s are already patrolling the area, but I don’t trust them. The resistance could have infiltrated any of the soldiers without us knowing. Without proof there is nothing we can do. I’ll have Azriel scour the mountain range when he returns.”

Cassian rubbed his palms over his tired face. He needed to sleep more than anything. He was utterly drained, his siphons near exhausted, his emotions rubbed raw. He wanted to curl up beside Nesta to make sure that she was safe. There was an insistent tugging in his ribcage, a persistent force urging him to go back to the bungalow and protect, even when he knew Nesta was safer in the bungalow than anywhere else in the entirety of Prythian.

“There’s something else you should see,” Rhys said. He was eyeing his brother in that all-seeing way of his, as if only now he was witnessing the true gravity of what today had done to Cassian. Of what it all meant.

The tightness to his voice had dread lining Cassian’s stomach. He couldn’t take anymore bad news. He couldn’t.

“What?” he asked begrudgingly, but Rhys just wordlessly held out his hand for Cassian to grasp.

As soon as their hand’s touched, they disappeared.

He and Rhys were at the top of the mountain when Cassian sensed claws clipping on the stone around the fire that shielded his mind.

Feyre had never been inside Cassian’s head before, but Cassian knew it was his High Lady. Knew in the way that the glimmer of worry and concern carried on a breeze of pear and lilac, making his flames dance.

Unlike Rhys, who had built centuries of trust between his inner circle in order to request access to their minds, Feyre had never shown any intention of doing the same. Cassian was not sure whether that was a lack of habit or because she saw it as an invasion of privacy. Yet, Cassian did not hesitate in parting his flames, just barely, enough that Feyre’s voice floated into his head: Nesta’s waking up. You should come.

“I have to go.”

Rhys did not ask why, he only nodded, his blue-black hair moving elegantly in the wind rather than tangling like his own. “I’ve got it here.”

Violet eyes flicked over Cassian’s face, no doubt taking in the deep-set worry and fatigue. “Nesta will be ok, brother.”

Cassian looked away — out at the peaked mountains and the white-dusted pine trees. It had started to snow, and the vast scenery before them was cascaded in a flurry of cotton. His jaw feathered.

Then a hand was on his shoulder. Cassian turned his head in surprise. “Nesta saved Feyre’s life,” Rhys said. “Would you like to see?”

A gift. A concession. An offer to show Cassian Nesta strong and indestructible.

A raked claw down his fire. Parted flames. Nesta alive and breathing, wielding a sword of silver flame, moving as if she had not been taught the dance, but had choreographed it herself.

Feyre’s terror was like hot, fresh blood in his mouth as a kerit leapt at her out of nowhere, but then Nesta’s sword was sizzling through muscle and sinew. Cassian tasted Feyre’s heartbeat, the frantic pulse of it, the relief that followed as the beast collapsed to the ground.

Blinking, the present Windhaven came back into sight. Already the trauma and bloodstains of the day’s events were being erased by snow; wiped off the scenery, but not from history.

“I’ve only ever seen you fight like that,” Rhys said quietly. “The way Nesta cut through those kerits with only months of training… She reminds me of you.”

“I trained her,” Cassian reminded his brother tightly.

But Rhys shook his head, as if that was not what he meant at all.

There was a beat. A pause. It stretched out for what felt like eternity as words were formed and reformed in his brother’s mind. But in the end, all Rhys said was, “Go. Feyre says Nesta’s distressed.”

When Cassian arrived at the house Nesta was in the throes of a flashback. Halfway between sleeping and waking, nonsensical ragged moans rose from her throat, and the sheets lay tangled around her leg, as if she had kicked them off in her panic. Although her fingers sparked silver, the magic died at the tips, not replenished enough to do any damage. Cassian suspected it was the pain that had started to make her lucid, the sensation enough to drag her from the deep realms which confused nightmare and reality.

Was Nesta reliving old battle trauma or was she still stuck in the events from earlier that day, caked in blood as she fought snarling beasts?

“Nesta, it’s all right,” Feyre said frantically, her voice trying to soothe but only rising in panic as Nesta continued to thrash. She threw a wild, accusing look over her shoulder as Cassian entered the room before she refocussed her attention back on her sister, as if to say, what took you so long? “You’re at the bungalow. You passed out but Madja says you’re going to be just fine.”

She reached out a hand to push Nesta back down into the mattress, to stop her from causing herself more pain but Cassian caught her hands before they made contact.

“Don’t touch her,” he warned. “She will lash out at you,” he elaborated in an attempt to ease the surprise from Feyre’s face.

Crouching beside the bed, Cassian made sure to strike a careful balance between proximity and space. He forced his words to be casual rather than full of worry — made sure to erase the word sweetheart from the tip of his tongue. The affection crept in anyway. It always did when he said her name. “Nesta. You’re safe. The kerits are gone. The widows and younglings are out of danger. You’re ok.”

For a moment, Nesta stilled but then she moaned again, the sound expelled on a long, pained breath. Her hands crept to her abdomen, the action meditated enough that Cassian could tell she was awake.

Everything hurt as her expression crumpled in agony.

“You suffered some internal bleeding which is probably why you feel like shit,” Cassian told Nesta with forced lightness, hoping that the depth of his voice would keep her above the surface.

He had fisted his hands at his sides to stop himself from reaching for her, but then her hand started to search across the mattress, blindly following his voice. It took him a few seconds to form the scrambled realisation that she was trying to find him. He unfurled a palm and lay it on the coverlets, letting her discover it for herself rather than startle her.

Her fingers were ice cold as they met with his. He hadn’t dared light the fire, not even whilst she was firmly under. Feyre had looked at him with confusion when he had ordered her not to light it in his absence, but she had only taken the extra blankets he had pulled from the cupboard without a word.

Cassian twitched a finger at the contact, letting Nesta know he was there, but otherwise remaining still. He only realised he had been holding his breath when her cold fingers wrapped clumsily around his palm — ice on fire.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” he asked, because he was too scared to say what he really felt, especially with Feyre there.

You nearly died.

I’m so proud of you.

You’re a healer.

We haven’t had time — not yet.

The last was a stupidly loaded comment that would only remain inside the cages surrounding his heart. He had lost his chance with Nesta long ago and Cassian was not foolish enough to think that them living together was fate presenting them with another chance. Besides, Nesta’s recovery was more important than his selfish wants and needs. And although the magnitude of his yearning for Nesta made his previous desire for anyone else completely inconsequential, he would let it lie.

Nesta’s finger twitching against his palm brought him back to himself. The movement was only once, the action deliberately purposeful. The communication he had strung between them all those months ago when words were too hard.

Yes.

“I’m not surprised you’re hurting,” Cassian chided as he turned to Feyre, gesturing silently for the morphine. Feyre leapt up, passing Cassian the glass vial and the cloth she had been trying to get Nesta to take since Madja had left.

“Mouth open, sweetheart. I’m going to give you something to take the edge off.”

He dipped the rag in the medicine before he pressed it to her lips.

“Tastes like shit,” Cassian told Nesta conversationally as he rung the cloth gently so the liquid passed between her lips, “but it will dull the pain.” His smile was crooked as those steel-blue eyes slowly flickered open. They were bleary and streaked with red, but her gaze locked onto his with a strength that should not have surprised him. He watched her struggle to swallow and the wince that came with the bitter medicine. “Maybe I’ll ask Madja if I can mix it into some chai,” he tried in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Make it more palatable.”

Nesta’s expression did not change, but he could have sworn he heard a huff of breath.

He watched the column of her pale, beautiful neck move as she swallowed again. And then her cracked lips parted.

Her tentative whisper was hoarse. “Mas…”

“Healed thanks to you,” Cassian told her quickly as he moved over to the dresser to stopper the medicine. It put Feyre into Nesta’s line of vision, but Nesta was only looking at him when he turned back around. “More than healed, actually. She’s in your bed resting. Not that she hasn’t tried to get out already. That female is as stubborn as a—”

“Don’t move!”

Feyre’s warning burst out of her before Cassian had turned back around. When he did, Feyre was lurching forwards as Nesta stuttered a gasp — as if the breath had been sucked out of her lungs. Her body arching as her hands flew to her abdomen.

A deep, agonising sort of pain rippled through him. And if it hurt him rather than discomforted him, the pain must be indescribably bad for Nesta.

“You suffered internal bleeding,” Feyre explained as Cassian tried to catch his breath. “Madja thinks your body started to give out as you ran out of healing magic.”

Steel grey bore into Feyre for a moment and then that crease worried between her eyebrows. As usual, it just made Nesta look more beautiful, even when her expression was still pained.

Somehow Cassian knew what she needed, even though he was still reeling from the pain. So he adopted a drawl that usually had her hissing at him. “Difficult even when you’re bedridden,” he scolded. “If I bring Mas to you will you stop trying to get out of bed?”

Mercury eyes slid to his as she allowed Feyre to ease her back against the pillows. “I promise,” he assured her. “Stay here, I’ll go get her.”

To Cassian’s absolute disbelief, he found Mas in the bathroom bathing Roksana.

He considered barking at her to get back in bed and rest but even he couldn’t deny that Mas looked healthy and well. Really well, if he thought about it properly. There was a light in her eyes that Cassian had never seen; a spark of hope and determination despite the atrocities she and her fellow females had endured that morning. It was sad, Cassian thought, that Mas was not more traumatised. That she was used to such unimaginable suffering that for her, the kerits was just another mark on an already bleak life.

“You need to come,” he told Mas, as she hauled Roksana from the bath and wrapped the little girl’s wet body wrapped in a fluffy grey towel. “And I thought you were told not to do any lifting.”

Mas snorted, her beautiful, unmarred wings rustling behind her. The housekeeper must be desperate to launch into the skies, yet here she was looking after Roksana. “And I suppose someone else is going to bathe this dirty youngling?”

“Please stop,” Cassian pleaded, resting a hand on her arm as she started to towel Roksana. “You need to rest. I’ll organise someone to look after Roksana. Stay in Nesta’s room whilst you recover.”

“I am recovered,” Mas told Cassian sternly, as she pulled a sleeveless shirt of Nesta’s over Roksana’s head. It fell to Roksana’s feet like a makeshift nightdress. “As the healer’s told both you and I. You should count yourself lucky that I have not yet gone to help the other females. And this little one stays with me. The last thing she needs is to be separated right now.”

Cassian’s snort was soft, but all he said was, “Nesta is awake. She wishes to see you. Both of you.” He nodded to Roksana who had been nestled back onto Mas’s hip. The youngling was silent in the haunted sort of way that Nesta had been when she first arrived at Windhaven, clinging to Mas as if she were terrified the housekeeper would disappear.

The healer had been very clear that Mas was not to do anything strenuous, and Cassian bet that counted hauling around a youngling.

So he smiled gently at Roksana, crouching down to her level and making his voice soft as he could muster, as he asked in Illyrian, “Vultis venire ad me?”

Dark eyes studied him warily, but then she held her short arms out. The gesture was half-hearted but Cassian took her from the housekeeper anyway. Roksana was small for her age and weighed barely anything in his arms. She did not hold on tightly to him as she had done for Mas. Instead, she sat away from his body, as if she were not comfortable enough to cling on to him.

When he looked back to Mas, there was a ghost of a sad smile on her lips before she headed to his room.

Feyre had managed to prop Nesta up onto some pillows when they arrived. There was a look of intense irritation lining the exhaustion on Nesta’s face, telling Cassian her emotions were rubbed raw.

He had no idea how her meeting with Feyre had gone, but he thought it a good sign that Nesta had not banished Feyre from the room from the get-go. Despite being bedridden, Cassian had no qualms that Nesta had the strength to do it. Although her eyes did look a little glassy, as if the tincture had kicked in, so that could have something to do with it too.

When Mas walked into the room, Nesta’s face twisted and crumpled, a ghost of a memory sliding across her expression; as if she were replaying the sight of Mas’s torn body as she bled out. Cassian watched Nesta’s eyes dart to Mas’s abdomen before they assessed every inch of the housekeeper’s body, as if she did not believe that she was standing before her, alive and breathing and wholly well.

When blue-grey slid to the wings on Mas’s back, the emotion that rushed over him was akin to a tidal wave crashing onto hot sand.

“Mas.”

The word came out broken, Nesta’s hand immediately reaching out for the housekeeper — to the proud and beautiful wings that spanned from her back. Her fingers curled despite the distance; a deliberate move to show she did not intend to touch them. Cassian did not know if someone had told Nesta that it was not acceptable to touch an Illyrian’s wings or whether she was sharp enough to have figured it out on her own. He suspected the latter. Nesta was the goddamns smartest person he had ever met. If she were an Illyrian in his army, Cassian would not think twice before placing her on his war council. With the right experience, she could be invaluable.

Stopping a foot away from the bed, Mas spread out her wings. They were the colour of umber in the gentle faelight and the membrane was completely unmarred; free of the scar tissue her wings had been riddled with. Hesitantly, Mas flexed the two claws that stood at the apex of her wings, as if she were working a long unused muscle.

“Aren’t they beautiful?” the housekeeper asked conversationally, but her eyes were suddenly swimming with tears, as if the flood gates had opened and she could not control the inevitable.

Closing the distance between she and Nesta, Mas leant down, her weathered hands framing Nesta’s face. When she spoke next, her voice cracked, “Diyosa. You are our miracle. You are my miracle. You gave me back my freedom. I can never thank you enough—”

A sob broke from Nesta. Cassian watched that beautiful face crumple as the sound splintered around the room, her hands instinctively flying up to cover her mouth as if she wished to suppress it.

Mas caught Nesta’s fingers before they could stifle it. Gently, she brushed away the stream of rolling tears that ran down Nesta’s face. When the housekeeper smiled, Cassian could have sworn that light radiated around the room despite the dull grey weather outside.

The action just made Nesta cry harder and Mas hushed her as if she were admonishing a child, carefully cradling Nesta’s golden-brown head to her chest.

“Come now,” Mas soothed, running a hand over Nesta’s tangled hair — a mother comforting her offspring. “I am perfectly fine, thanks to you. There’s no need to shed any tears for me.”

Pulling away so she could look Nesta in the eye, Mas smiled toothily through her own tears. “We must find you some wings so you can come flying with me, sinta. What do you think, huh?”

A huff caught between a sob. It was a sound of disbelief and was akin to what Cassian felt; that Mas could endure such hardship but still joke and smile. That despite everything, she could find joy and happiness and broadcast such love.

Mas’s eyes sparked at the sound and she cast a quick look towards Cassian. Roksana seemed to have forgotten that she was wary of Cassian and had automatically grasped his hand as he set her down on the carpet. Her grip was tight and fearful and had not changed, even when he had gently squeezed them in reassurance.

“Shall I have General Cassian train me so I can learn to carry you with me? He’ll be pleased to finally have me in the sparring ring. Do you know how long he has tried to get me in there? A few hundred years at least.”

Another sound from Nesta. This time a broken laugh, even if it was laced with a sob. It was the most beautiful sound Cassian had ever heard. It radiated from within him, flaring with the force of a star twinkling in the darkest sky. Even through the tears, the transformation on Nesta’s face was something he’d never forget. It was as if the clouds had parted and made way for the sun.

His heart twisted as Mas grinned. She peered into Nesta’s face for a long while in the way she often did to him. The action was loving and motherly and all-seeing. Eventually, she softly patted Nesta’s cheek. “You are tired, diyosa. You must rest now. Ok?”

At the words, Nesta slumped slightly. Not from disappointment but as if she were just realising how exhausted she was.

Mas nodded to indicate that she understood — that it was all going to be ok. “Let your sister get you comfortable. General Cassian will get you that drink to boost your energy. You wasted a lot of magic on me.”

A fierceness found its way into Nesta’s voice… her expression. “I would do it again.”

Mas stared at Nesta for a moment, but then she nodded to indicate she understood. “I know you would. If I had your magic, I would do the same for you. Always. Do not doubt that.”

Cassian touched Feyre’s arm, indicating that she should follow him out of the room as Mas eased Nesta onto her back.

Only once the door was shut did he glance at Feyre. She was staring at him, her expression undone. Huge tears ran down her face and dripped off her chin, as she said in disbelief, “I’ve never seen Nesta cry like that before. She’s my sister and I have never seen it. Not once.”

Cassian wrapped an arm around Feyre, pulling her close as best he could, his other hand still clasping Roksana’s.

Feyre leant into his embrace, burying her head against his chest. He watched her wipe away her tears. Watched her sniff as she tried to contain her sobs. Ran his palm up and down her arm in a bid to comfort her.

When her breathing had regulated, she peered up at him with those eyes that were so similar to her sister’s, but not quite right. “What does diyosa mean?” she asked quietly.

Cassian’s smile was crooked. “It means goddess,” he said.

Azriel and Frawley appeared in the living room a half hour later, bleeding out of shadow until their dark outlines took on finer details and colour.

Nesta had fallen back into sleep again, her body drained and exhausted to the point that she had passed out mid-conversation, her hand clasping Mas’s so tightly her knuckles had turned white, as if she were afraid that to let go would mean the housekeeper would disappear.

Rhys had arrived back at the house with a look that told Cassian the news was not good, but he had only followed the bond to find his mate in the kitchen. When Cassian had stepped between the alcoves a few moments later to rid himself of Nesta’s empty mug, he had found Feyre wrapped tightly in Rhys’s arms, her face stained already with fresh tears.

Cassian levelled his brother with a gaze. “Took you long enough,” he remarked tersely.

“My wards are too effective, it seems,” Frawley clipped before the shadowsinger could open his mouth. The witch cast her eyes around the room, ice blue moving independently of her other brown eye. “It appears that I’m holding quite the company today.”

Frawley nodded to Rhysand who had taken up residence by the fireplace. Feyre seated herself on the left-branch of the couch. “Rhysand. It has been a while.”

“Frawley,” Rhys drawled in greeting. Frawley gave another short nod but then an eye snagged on the fire and she frowned in irritation.

With a quick flick of a hand the crackling fire turned quiet. “Why have the fires not been silenced?” she said shortly. “Battle trauma is at its worst when magic has been depleted. Tell me you have not lit it in your room?”

Two eyes snapped to Cassian and he bristled. Usually he would not rise to the accusation, but the day had been long and turbulent and he wanted nothing more than to be left alone with Nesta so she could heal in peace. “Of course not,” he replied tightly, refraining from saying more; reeling in the restraint that was hanging on by a thread.

No apology came forth but Frawley was not one to do so. “And did you give her one of the tonics I made?”

“We managed to get her to drink one before she passed out,” Cassian replied smoothly, ignoring Feyre’s frown and the understanding dawning on Rhys’s face. “She’s exhausted,” he added.

“And so are you by the looks of it,” Frawley observed, running a discerning eye over him. “Magic depleted again, but I suppose you have not been thinking about yourself to drink a tonic of your own?”

Cassian’s jaw tensed. “I thought it more important that Nesta have them.”

He expected to be scolded, but nothing came. Frawley only flicked her wrist again. In his hand appeared a mug full of liquid. The porcelain was warm rather than scolding — perfect drinking temperature. He should not have expected less from the master of her craft.

“Sit,” Frawley ordered. Unthinkingly, Cassian did as he was told. The couch cushions were soft against his body and he resisted leaning into them for fear that he might not stand up again. “Drink,” Frawley commanded. “I can’t have you passing out on me before you tell me everything that happened.”

Her eyes rested on Feyre then. “I’d ask which sister you are but I can scent your mating bond. You are Feyre.”

Not High Lady of the Night Court, but Cassian expected no less. Frawley had been alive longer than all of them… longer than Rhys’s mother and father and their parents before them. Rumour had it that Frawley had been present at the first Illyrian battle with Oya and Enalius, although Cassian had never been brave enough to press her for details. If Frawley had seen Enalius’s sword before, Cassian suspected she had been alive during Enalius’s lifetime. And whilst she respected Rhys, Frawley was not one to bother with titles…

“Yes,” Feyre confirmed. “I am.”

“This is Frawley,” Rhys explained to Feyre to save his mate from confusion. “Witch of the Eastern Steppes and a long-term friend.”

“A healing witch,” Cassian added. He had downed the drink and already he felt stronger, the whisper of his power travelling through his veins. His siphons thrummed. “Feyre can tell you what happened, she was with Nesta the entire time.”

In a swish of skirts that moved like smoke, Frawley seated herself on the right-most edge of the couch and looked expectantly at Feyre across the low-set coffee table.

It was command enough and Cassian listened to Feyre began to retell the day’s events.

When Feyre finished speaking, Frawley remained quiet, keeping her chin rested on her steepled fingers. After a few moments she sat up. Even Azriel, who was the master at playing aloof and disinterested, straightened, but Frawley looked only at Cassian.

“From what I could tell on our first meeting, Nesta’s magic has two strands: the ability to defend and the ability to heal,” Frawley began. “Someone who is gifted with healing magic uses their own energy to restore health to the sick or injured. If we run out of magic, we simply cannot heal, but I have only seen magic like Nesta’s once in my life and she is entirely her own being — ancient yet new. As a witch, I can amass more power than my natural reserve from my partnership with the elements, but there is always a price. Magic is give and take, a fine balance that must be respected. Nesta is no witch, but I believe her power works in similar ways. The problem is, the more magic you have, the more dire the consequences if you use too much at once.”

A blue eye swivelled to Rhys at the fireplace. “As,” Frawley remarked pointedly, “some of us are all too aware.”

A nod to Hybern, when Rhys had exchanged his life to knit the Cauldron back together.

Rhys’s expression hardened. At the nod to the fact that he and Nesta shared a common burden. At the fact that they both saw themselves as disposable, especially when it meant saving those they loved.

Feyre looked haunted. Cassian remembered the way she had scrabbled at Rhys’s layers as she tried to bring him back. The way she had begged on her hands and knees.

“It sounds to me,” Frawley continued, “as if Nesta’s magic did not recognise when she had healed the fatal injuries. Instead, Nesta continued to heal, moving on to old injuries that demanded far more from the healer and upset the balance between healing and magic. Either willingly or unwillingly, Nesta started to give her life and take on the death that nearly took hold of the patient.”

Frawley looked to Feyre. “You said the widow had injuries to the gut? From the sounds of it, Nesta has the ability to take on the injury of the patient should her magic start to run dry — an extra reserve of life. Nesta suffered internal bleeding to the intestine so that Mas would not only be healed of her immediate injury, but all of her previous physical trauma.”

Silence fell for a moment as they all digested Frawley’s words. Feyre looked pained, as if she were wondering what Cassian already knew to be true: that Nesta, who loved her chosen few fiercely, would willingly offer up her life to ensure that they lived.

“You could sense the two strands of magic when we last met,” Cassian said to Frawley as he connected the dots; remembering when Frawley had asked Nesta what happened when she felt something other than rage.

“Yes,” Frawley agreed with a firm nod. “I could sense the hum of healing magic deep within her, and of course, we saw her silver fire that day and the weeks before it. I put two and two together.”

What happens when you feel joy? I wouldn’t know.

“And you,” Frawley said after a heartbeat, her ice blue eye swivelling to focus on him, “are not surprised.”

“No,” Cassian admitted begrudgingly. He felt violet and steel-grey boring into him, pressing him for an explanation. Even Azriel’s shadows stilled. “My wings were snapped in multiple places at Hybern, but by the time Fae arrived on the scene some of them had been regrown.”

Frawley’s hazel eye — the exact colour of Lorrian’s — came to rest on him. “And why,” she said softly, “is that?”

Cassian did not react to her pointed question, only stared her down. In his mind’s eye, all he could see was Nesta leaning over his body, sacrificing her life with his when she could have run.

I can’t.

Cassian was thankful when Azriel interjected. “Nesta has just woken again. Perhaps it is time for someone to explain the finer details of why she is in bed. I do not think I would like everyone knowing my business before I knew it myself.”

A calm yet direct way of highlighting Nesta’s penchant for privacy.

“I will check Nesta over to make sure the healer didn’t miss anything and get her to take a stronger tonic to replenish her energy levels. It will cut her time in bed by half,” Frawley told them as she stood. “If Nesta wishes to harness her healing skills, I will teach her what I know. To hold so much power in your hands is a terrifying thing.” Again, that blue eye rested on Rhys, and in that gaze… challenge and understanding. “I know of someone else who struggled with the enormity of it, and he turned out to be an admirable leader.”

For a moment, Frawley and Rhys stared at one another. In the air, Cassian could taste the hum of magic; of starlight eternal and the scent of damp, cold earth after rain… of cold air streaked with fire smoke.

No-one moved. No-one breathed. Everything felt taut and expectant and then, as suddenly as it all came, the atmosphere dropped.

“Caerleon is flying to meet me,” Frawley told no-one in particular as she headed to Cassian’s room. “Do let him in, otherwise he might start terrorising some males and I might not find it in myself to stop him.”

And then with a swish of her skirts, Frawley was gone.

Tags (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @arin1030-blog @superspiritfestival @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @mylittlebigplanet @biggestwingspan-az @bellsqueen @ekaterinakostrova @bookstantrash @prophecyerised @rainbowcheetah512 @awesomelena555 @wannawriteyouabook @iammissstark @hatemecozuaintme @lovelynesta @heymelphs @nestable @darkshadowqueensrule @nestalytical @laylaameer01 @a-trifling-matter @grouchycritic7794 @thalia-2-rose @champanheandluxxury @swankii-art-teacher

#embersandlightfic #acowar #acomaf #acotar #acosf #nesta x cassian #nestaarcheron #cassian #nessianfic #nessianangst

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xxatinyminionxx · 2 years

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hey ik this is v random but i kinda hate my body rn, like im a medium size but like i cant go out in public anymore like even down for a walk, cause i feel like everyone is judging me? and i hate the way all my clothes look on me now. ik i should love my body but rn i dont, can u maybe give me some tips on how to lose weight? im 16 w 5'2 height. im sorry if it makes uncomfortable but i love ur blog, u dont have to answer

I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself. We tend to be our biggest critic and we see things wrong with us that are not actually wrong or noticeable to others.

Of course I’m no expert and I don’t know you personally, so don’t take my suggestions as professional help.

I guess if you want to lose weight, try doing exercise a few times a week. You don’t have to do anything too crazy, currently I just put on my favorite upbeat songs and do some dancing/learn a choreography and I get sweating. 😅 For me, dancing also helps with feeling good about myself.

I would also be aware of your eating habits. Have an idea of what foods include lots of sodium, sugar, carbs, protein, etc. Also, drink PLENTY of water. I always have bottles of water beside my bed and make the conscious decision to drink them instead of having a sugary drink (unless I feel like I can comfortably drink the latter). Even a nice, warm/iced tea works over soda.

Lastly, I HIGHLY recommend doing some research on your own + seeing a doctor to talk about healthy ways to lose weight. You could get more specific answers that way ❤️

#send in an ask or reblog if you have any other insight than mine!#anon #minion asks #minion rants #minion rambles #self care

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innuendostyles · 4 years

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Umm maybe Ben exploring his ‘feminine’ side more????? How bout him asking u to paint his nails? Or him asking if he can wear your makeup? Idk thought it would be cute hahah

ben wants to try something different

2.8k -> masterlist

waking up next to ben was one of her favourite things on the planet. something about the way his hand would rest underneath her shirt (if she had one on) and rub small circles under her breast settled her like nothing else could. she normally woke up to ben cooing to her, usually murmurs of how beautiful she was when she slept, or if she’d overslept it would be gentle reminders of where she had to be - which was why she was surprised to wake up to dead silence.

she yearned to feel his hands on her skin, as she was so used to, but instead, her hand simply rested in ben’s. her palm face down on ben’s larger hand while he traced one pointer finger over her freshly manicured nails. they were painted a pastel blue colour, completely matte except for a shimmery top coat applied to her ring finger. she’d been on the phone ben while she was getting her nails done, asking him what he thought she should get done when the nail lady asked her what colour she’d like. he asked her what clothes she had on at that moment, to which she replied a light blue jumper that had a sparkly carebear printed on the front of it. he simply gave a ‘well then…’ and told her he’d ring her back when she was done. so to see him admiring her fresh set wasn’t surprising.

his eyes flashed to hers as she roused herself from sleep, carefully removing her hand from his to wipe the drool from her chin. he gave her a light chuckle as her body strung completely taught before laying entirely limp back on the bed and stretching her arms across his chest. she clung to him like a koala, pressing a couple of kisses to his neck when she had enough energy.

“you like my nails?” she whispered, pressing one final kiss to his neck before sitting up.

“yeah.” he chuckled, resting his hand on her hip as she reached to the bedside table to retrieve her phone.

“i’ll make some breakfast.” she said, leaning down to place her hand on ben’s cheek before leaving the bedroom.

she walked down the stairs, calling for frankie as she reached the bottom step, happy to receive many sloppy kisses to her face when she bent down to give the dog her favourite behind the ear scratches.

there was a pink bottle stuck in her mouth, which y/n speedily removed and wiped on her t-shirt to get rid of all the dog spit. it was her nail polish, a cheaper dupe of some dior varnish she’d seen on instagram. the colour, effectively called ‘cha-ching cherry’ was a hot pink, and she’d bought it purely because it was on sale at the drugstore and reminded her of the dior version.

“how’d ya get this, silly girl?” she cooed to the dog, stamping kisses on the top of her head. she wondered how she even reached and opened the polish in the first place, she was sure it had still been in the plastic wrap it came in when she went to bed last night… no, it definitely was. she remembers placing it on the shelf next to the tv when she emptied her bag after she came home. so how had a three year old dog opened protective packaging? it was a mystery to her. instead of going full sherlock mode, she cracked some eggs into a pan and discarded the thought to the back of her mind.

she had to shout ben downstairs, which was unusual, because normally he’s downstairs as soon as she is, offering to help her make breakfast and playing whatever music he was in the mood for over the apartment speakers. he came down the stairs looking rather sweaty and she wondered what he’d been up to. looked like he’d just run a fucking marathon, but he was still dressed in his pyjamas (a pair of calvin kleins couldn’t be classed as pyjamas, surely?) so she knew that answer was out of the equation. maybe he’d been brushing his teeth super violently. she knows that’s not true when he goes to kiss her cheek as a good morning and she shies away from him with a ”morning breath!” and a playful grimace. he chuckles at her, bending down to pat frankie on the head.

he got frankie’s food ready before even realising he had a plate of eggs and fruit waiting in front of him. he sat at the rather small dining table, pouring them some orange juice and handing her the glass once he’d finished. even gave her a little more than he had, because he always complains she doesn’t get her 5 a day.

he just wants her to feel happy and healthy! can he complain, when she treats him so well and even leaves his eggs on for a whole minute longer than hers because she knows he doesn’t like it when the yellow is all runny? when she takes care of a dog that originally was the shared pup of him and his ex?

he has no time to think before she’s giggling a little, pointing to frankie in the corner of the kitchen who had somehow managed to eat all her food and drink all her water in the space of 2 minutes. he giggled as well, taking a bite of his eggs and calling out a ”good girl” to the beagle.

“yeah, well our ‘good girl’ somehow managed to open my new nail polish and came to me this morning with it in her mouth like it was some sort of present she bought! might have to start calling her father christmas!” she jokes, taking a bite of banana before breaking some off and making a kissy sound to garner frankie’s attention before placing some on the floor next to her for the dog. she did love her banana.

ben places his hand quickly onto his thigh beneath the table after he caught sight of it on top of the tablecloth, hoping she hadn’t noticed how quickly he made the movement. she simply furrows her brows at him, tilting her head as she asked if he was okay.

“yeah, ‘m fine just got a cramp.” he lies straight through his teeth, not being able to look her in the eyes and instead offering frankie a piece of watermelon to frankie, which was unusual for him as he never gave his food to her, claiming it ‘only gives her a bad tummy and then i’m the one who has to clean up all the sick she leaves on the bathroom floor!’, which y/n notices and gives a sigh.

“ben.” she deadpans, setting the banana peel down.

he removes his hand from his leg and sets it upon the table, in a fist originally, before he unclenches his hand and then she sees it. his ring and middle finger nails are painted pink. he looks carefully at her reaction, even though there isn’t much to go off, just a look back to his eyes after she’s seen his hand.

“are you… angry?” he questions, eyes still avoiding hers.

“i’m not angry at you for using my nail polish without telling me ben…” she says with a slight chuckle, her face looking awfully confused, “...what’s mine is yours, and all that.”

his eyes flit to her’s at this, a brow raising as he asks, “so you’re not… weirded out?”

she can’t actually tell if he’s joking or not until she looks at his hands, where he’s nervously pulling at his knuckles in hopes to make them crack. it was one of his worst habits, something he only did when he was really going through it. she realises he must have been embarrassed or feel ashamed when she tells him she wasn’t, if the way his shoulders fell from near enough above his head showed her anything.

she decides he wants to leave the conversation at that when he picks up his fork and begins eating his eggs, looking a hell of a lot less stressed than he did before.

“why were you so sweaty when you came down before?” she questions, though she’s careful to make her tone sound as least judgemental as she possibly can, offering an inquisitive smile at the end.

“i um- wanted to get it off. before you saw it.” he purses his lips before he speaks again. “i couldn’t find any of that horrid-smelling remover stuff so i was trying to scrub it off with that lemon exfoliating shit you’ve got in the shower. worked up quite a sweat.” he chuckled, and she smiled at his first genuine laugh this morning.

“ben, why did you think i’d care so much?” she asks, and she can actually feel a pain in her chest as she realises it must have been eating away at him all night after his reaction to her seeing it. the pain in her chest only deepens when she hears a muttered, “i thought you’d think it was … really weird and like… not normal.” he continues, his voice getting louder and louder as he carried on, “cause it’s like… a girls thing. and i’m not a girl. and i know you’d never think that i was stupid or weird so i don’t even know why it ran through my head cause i did it last night when you went to bed and i was still downstairs… i saw it and i just wanted to put it on me like… for fun. and then i thought you might be angry at me for opening it so i just went to bed but i couldn’t sleep cause i was worried you’d be annoyed at me so i just… spent all night looking at yours. your nails, i mean.” once he’d finished rambling, she reached a hand out to his, pulling him along until they’d settled onto the sofa in the living room.

her on her back against the arm rest, with him on his stomach laying between her legs. maybe not the most flattering position on her part, but she felt closest to him this way. she reached a hand up to his hair, running her fingers through the golden locks before sighing.

“ben, i need you to listen to what im gonna say really closely, yeah?” she whispered.

he nods, and she takes that as her cue to continue.

“it isn’t ‘a girls thing’. and i’m not angry at you, and you’re right, i’d never think you’re weird for doing anything ever. i love you, and i’m in this for the long haul, so speak to me. tell me when you wanna try new things. ‘cause you know i won’t be angry, or annoyed, or weirded out… because it’s you.” she could see his eyes softening as he stared directly into hers.

it felt like he was reaching deep inside her mind and pulling out every honest word he could find. he laid his head down on her stomach, before giving a simple, “i love you.”

“do you want me to paint the rest of them?” she asked after a couple of minutes of stroking through his hair.

“please.” he replied, and she felt his smile on her stomach as he heard frankie pattering through the doorway and coming to lie on ben’s back to join them both. he lifted his head up and formed his lips into a kissy shape, to which she leant down and pecked him.

he followed her into the kitchen to retrieve the nail polish, clapping like an excited kid as she led him upstairs. she walked into the bathroom and sat on the countertop, ben bringing a chair from the bedroom to sit in front of her. she spread her legs and placed his hand flat on the surface of the counter, protected by an old sheet of newspaper in case of a polish accident.

once she’d painted one hand, he rested it on her thigh, only beginning to stroke it once she told him his nails were dry enough. she’d finished his other hand, commending her own painting skills as she skipped the two nails he’d already done the night before, he kissed her thigh, just below where his dry hand sat, before lifting himself off the chair to press a kiss to her forehead, then her left cheek, and finally her lips. she pulled her head back as soon as she felt how dry his lips were, telling him he needed some vaseline.

he looked behind her, seeing her collection of lip products before picking up a familiar tube. it was one she used constantly, which meant it must have been good, which was the reason why he asked her to put some on him a couple of seconds later.

“vaseline isn’t the same as lipgloss, but i’ll let this one slide, my dear.” she chuckles, opening the tube of clear, strawberry scented lipgloss. it had a slight shimmer to it, especially when in the sun, and she was unbelievably excited to see it on him.

“i only picked it cause it tastes nice.” he mentions before she has the chance to apply it.

“ben! you’re not meant to eat it!” she scolds, pulling back and taking the applicator with her.

“i know! i don’t do it purposefully, i just get a mouthful sometimes after you snog me.” he says,

smiling when she laughs.

“yeah, well i think i might have to see just how it tastes the next time we snog, which i have a feeling might be in just a second.” she smirks before applying the gloss.

#my work #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody imagine #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fluff #bohemian rhapsody cast #ben hardy #ben hardy blurb #ben hardy imagine

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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hey, it’s the anon who sent an ask about eating the other day. idk if it was helpful or not so pls just tell me to fuck off if this isn’t helping, but I saw ur post about cereal last night and I just want to say that like, that is exactly the kind of thing that you don’t have to feel guilty over that i was talking about!! like you literally did NOTHING wrong by eating cereal at 3am, even if you had 5 bowls. ik it’s easier said than done but really try and let go of any feelings of guilt and shame after doing something like that. if you’re trying to eat healthier overall that’s a really admirable aim but try and do it in baby steps!! if you’re overly restrictive during the day that’s more likely to lead to overeating at night. Genuinely if you just allow yourself to eat the foods you want (whilst also tryna get enough veggies and nutrition etc) without any feelings of guilt or shame attached (bc there’s no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ foods) your body will naturally regulate itself and eat what it needs to. but first you really have to get rid of the mindset of like ‘I NEED to eat less’ bc if you force yourself not to eat when ur hungry or to eat something super ‘healthy’ when you’re craving something ‘unhealthy’ you’re just gonna make urself tired and want to overeat later!! genuinely the way out of the binge/restrict cycle is just to let yourself eat and to not feel guilty abt it, even if you eat a ‘bad’ food or too much food. food is fuel and energy and not something to feel guilty about consuming. getting rid of those guilty feelings will eventually lead you to a point where eating a balanced diet, which includes all the foods you love, will come as naturally as breathing. like eating food is so natural and society tries to convince you that there’s some special trick to it but really you just have to follow ur instincts. ik that won’t happen overnight, but i hope at least the next time you feel guilty abt food (bc ik guilty feelings aren’t easy to get rid of) you will have my voice in ur head telling u you really don’t need to b. it will get easier, i promise. Good luck, sending you all my love ❣️

hey you’re actually an angel and these are super super helpful !! ❣️ thats why i kept your last ask actually because it had so many great reminders in it and i know if i let it go i’ll just forget all my epiphanies and go back to doing my stupid shit lol. yeah i’m really sick of how much stress its causing me honestly idk why my brain is focusing on it when it’s not even my biggest problem rn. and it rarely even results in me eating healthily/not over eating. i just get mad at myself for nothing and like, my body is never goin to learn to regulate itself if i keep up w this cycle, like you said. i didn’t end up eating last night but calories have been in the back of my mind all fucking day today and it’s upsetting me to think about eating more. apparently meals are supposed to be between 500-700 cals and mine was like 800 something, but i don’t want that to make me uncomfortable bc hello these rules are entirely made up. and it’s not a crime to nourish myself. it’s just energy and i’m trying to remember that more than anything !! i think simplifying it in my mind would really help. just like listening to my body, trying to eat when i’m actually hungry n then actually stopping when i’m full instead of going to either extreme and putting my stomach all out of wack. i’ll try to work on getting into that habit even if it doesn’t happen right away <3 thank you so so much for being so understanding abt this and giving me some insightful realistic advice, it means a lot to me. i know it’s a touchy issue n i’m prob oversharing about it on here but honestly what don’t i over share about atp :^) lmfao anyway i appreciate you more than i can say n i hope you always approach yourself with this same level of patience. you deserve the world !! ❣️

#tw eating disorder #tw ed #tw calories #cw food #tw anorexia #tagging aggressively just in case but ask me to tag more if u want #anon

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dangan-happy · 3 years

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Give me back my glitter, Monomi! - (TW: Relationships/SelfH??) Hello again, could I speak with Kokichi, Hajime, and Nagito if possible. Uh I just,, had a breakup happen and it's hitting really hard right now I loved this person a lot and i'm having trouble coping. I'm having trouble being alone and can't even be off call with friends without my brain going in a loop. I haven't been eating/drinking properly either due to being nervous/heart broken and unmotivated. I also keep having nightmares.

I-I really do hate to hear about this. Break-ups are... heh, no matter what movies or any form of media show, they’re never as easy to deal with as they make them out to be. They’re always a slap to the face, no matter what, with some slapping harder than others. I truly am sorry, but I know you want to hear more than just that, so I’ll do my best to give you what you really need to hear instead.

Mind if I give you some advice? I may be some average Reserve Course student, but I still have some to give out. I can understand you having trouble with staying alone without having your mind beginning to spiral. As such, whenever you’re not talking to someone, I would suggest trying to do something that’s relaxing, but also something that’ll occupy your mind. A few things that come to mind are reading, listening to music, watching a TV show or movie, or even cleaning. Okay, that last one sounds boring, I know, b-but listening to music while cleaning makes it all better, so don’t take it off the table just yet!

Anyway, moving on. In terms of not drinking or eating properly, th-that’s worrying, so we should definitely focus on that and fix that, too. I know someone who keeps a bottle of water and a snack bag right at their bedside for when they’re too unmotivated or depressed, so maybe give that a shot? That way, if you feel as though you can’t even get out of bed, you can simply reach over and grab your water bottle or snack bag. It doesn’t have to be a super healthy snack, but it should be something decent, like Goldfish cracker or something, y’know? It would be a step in the right direction, at least.

And as for nightmares, reading or doing something relaxing like that before going to sleep might help you, well, relax. But it might also help influence your dreams, even if only by a little bit. But hey, try listening to calm music or background noise, like those ten-hour videos that just consists of rain sounds or forest sounds. Of course, it doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s worth a shot!

Still, all of this sounds so despairful; I can’t imagine how it must feel to have to currently deal with this much despair. Still, no matter the kind or severity or amount or anything, you can and will beat this despair. I have hope in you, and I have hope that in due time, you’ll get through this and win this battle against despair. There’s going to be all kinds of downs, and you might hit a roadblock or two, but by the end of the day, you’ll get through this. I just know it! I’ll cut through your despair and show you the truth of this case, no matter what it takes!

I-I know you didn’t ask for one, but if you want a hug, I-I can give you one. U-Unless you don’t want one or anything, th-then fine, I won’t give you one! But if you do want one, th-then get over here, so that way I can just go ahead and give you one. I-I hope you continue to not give in to this despair, and please do your best to take care of yourself, o-okay?

Yay! Corgi you're back! I mean, not yay because you're going through some not fun stuff right now, but like I'm happy to see you again if that makes you feel better? Yeah, I really don't know what I'm doing on an ask blog. Aaaaanyways, ok, I'm guessing this is a continuation of the last ask you sent in, and oh god, I'm really sorry. Again, I can't make jokes about that, because break ups just really really suck, and like I don't think I can say anything that'll make you feel better, but I'll try my best ok? Full disclosure, you're not obligated to be ok any time soon. This is like, a really emotional thing, and you don't have to hurry up and get better, it's ok if you're less than ok for a while. Yeah, it's gonna hit hard for a bit, and I think that's just life. Yikes did that come out harsh? I meant to say that you might have to feel the emotion a little bit. From what I've seen, the thing that'll help you feel better the most is time. It doesn't feel like it right now, but every day it'll hurt just a little bit less, and that'll continue until the pain is gone.

I would try to be around people as much as possible when you can if that helps you, but when you're more alone, I'd play loud music, or like a tv show in the background just to fill the void with human voices or something. You could hang out in the same room as your family, or grab a pet to vibe with you if you have one.

Yeah, I think the last part is the biggest concern as of now. Eating and drinking are like, kind of required to stay alive, so in my humble opinion, I think that's something to focus on so we can get that back on track. The first thought I have is that you should set a timer and try to eat at the same time every day. This way you can kinda train your body to be used to eating at those times, so you can make sure you actually eat. Like, I'm sure you feel like doing anything other than eating, but you gotta make sure you get some sustenance ok? As for the nightmares, I think those will fade with time too. A lot of this aside from the eating thing is playing the waiting game, and that totally sucks. The only other suggestion I have for you is that you should spend time distracting yourself or doing comfort activities to get you through the days until you're at a place where you can face the emotions and start moving on. I know, easier said than done, but you can do it. Take it slow ok? It's gonna hurt, but you're gonna heal. I promise.

Not to sound rude.... but I feel as if I’m the only one here whose actually been in a relationship! Even though if it wasn’t meant to be, hehe. Sadly Anon, I know this feeling all too well. The Desparing feeling of loneliness, as if you’ll never find another like them... hehe. Sorry to get so gloomy. It’s just... break ups are so full of Despair, it makes me feel ill. I’ve had my heartbroken once... never again... unless, well; if my luck comes into play somehow.

Anon if I may. I know that feeling all to well of feeling lonely once after going through something like this. I’d recommend feeling that little void with entertainment. Perhaps video games, books, drawing. Whatever helps you relax and feel happy. Hanging out with your friends is also good as well, however you’re going to have to get used to that lonely feeling; it sounds terrible, but you don’t want to grow too dependent on having your friends around to fill this void.

You must eat as well. Food can help lift your mood a lot. Feeling unmotivated may also be tied into your eating habit. Try eating anything at least, even if it’s something small. You can’t heal if you aren’t taking care of yourself... I want to see you happy and healthy Anon. Taking care of yourself is the first step of getting better and through this Despairing experience.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #hajime hinata #kokichi ouma #mod hajime #mod kokichi #nagito komaeda #mod nagito

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

Text

Twice - Alphabet HC’s

a/n: this... actually made me appreciate jin so much??? like I never really thought of him romantically until now and... my heart D:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with an s/o?)

He is big on affectionate. Even when experiencing large personality swings, there is one constant. You. he will always love you.

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

Taking his face in your hands and calming him down when he panics when his mask is gone. It’s small, it’s not even that big of a thing, but when you stare in his eyes… he feels whole, he feels split, and more importantly, he feels like there was nothing ever wrong

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

He LOVES BEING THE LITTLE SPOON OKAY???? HOLD HIM BETWEEN YOUR ARMS AND WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS IN HIS EAR

Isn’t always in a cuddling mood though, sometimes he’s too jittery to sit there

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

He dreams of one day being able to leave his mask behind with your help. He wants to be able to feel comfortable with himself outside of the mask

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

He puts in a lot of effort, even if he swings between being like “fuck romance” and “I love you with all my heart” the latter will always win, and he does. The. most.

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

He will be your guard dog. Holding you tight, glaring at anything and everything that comes near you. He will defend you, fight anyone. He will do this until you feel safe until you’re ready

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

He gives you the weirdest shit ever. Like not in a bad thing, just things you would never buy yourself??? I mean you always love the small and intimate gifts he ends up bringing you but you’re like “...why do I need 50 kg of rainbow slime?” “because you were talking about it for 2 hours, and well, there was a sale!”

He doesn’t want gifts in return, but loves every single gift you’ll give him in return!

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

His arms are ALWAYS hugging you!!!!!!!!!! Okay??? He just loves feeling whole and you’re his missing link

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

He’s the kind of guy that others don’t think are being romantic, like they’ll look at what he does and will ALL be like “uhh…” and look at you ready to hear you complain but are instead greeted with you sobbing and throwing yourself into his arms

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

Not a jealous bone in this baby!!!!! He trusts you to kick fucking ass to anybody who tries putting themselves on you. Will only intervene if you need him.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

Not a good kisser, but his enthusiasm is highly and lovingly noted. He loves kissing you!!!!!! And will try to kiss you at least once a day, even if he has to go find you to do it.

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

He will say it before a year of you two dating. He knows he’s not the easiest to deal with, and the fact that you’ve stuck around, it really makes his heart go doki doki. He will say it all the time (“can you roll over? I need more blankets! Thank you, I love you.”) loves showing it and saying it.

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

He wants to marry you, las vegas style.

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

He likes paintball dates. Those are his favorite dates. He likes doing things with you, like escape rooms, all that shit!!!! He also enjoys laying a blanket by the fire and just eating dinner there. Likes having dates about twice a week ;)

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

He’s not a big texter! So if you don’t see him irl you won’t hear from him at all for the day

P = Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

He likes messing around with you!!! Prank wars are a thing, and pranking others in the league is something that really tickles your funny bone.

Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

Always asks for your opinion on things, he’s first and foremost super curious about all your thoughts, and he has self-doubt. He is a very open and honest person, so hell yeah he shares his opinions!!!

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

Its very spontaneous or super predictable. Jin becomes more predictable when danger lurks, so you’ve associated spontaneity with better times

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

He sleeps with his head on your stomach, don’t ask why he just really likes having his face there! Plus it’s hard to breathe when he’s on your chest.

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

If jin had to decide on one person in the world to shoot a gun on the apple on his head from 12434243 feet away, it would be you.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as an s/o?)

His enthusiasm. You just do not ever expect it and when you realize that he is genuine and pure in all of his feelings and thoughts, it kinda makes you feel weird. But you love it, and you wish more people were like him, bold and brash and true.

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

Being truly vulnerable doesn’t take that long. He is an honest person and if he loves you and knows you feel the same way he’s gonna open up like nobody's business.

Jin is a bit frantic in this state, crying, highly emotional, tearing between different personalities like a pendulum swinging, but you don’t leave him until he’s calmed down.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

Jin is making a scrapbook, full of every little thing that the two of you have done together. Every movie, ever amusement park, he has love notes, and he has pictures you weren’t aware of in the slightest way

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

He will cater to you without even blinking an eye. He will run to the store for you, making you soup, getting a thermometer, fixing your bandages, and always giving you more water to drink.

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

Nope, he loves you just for you. All of you. No matter how weird you are, he wouldn’t change a single detail about you. Why would he?

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as an s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

He is a super intimate and passionate lover!!!!!!! He does the most for you and most times does it without even realizing it!

NSFW:

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He is bouncing off the walls. He will go and grab everything for you as quickly as he can, he’s a bit sloppy though, not going to lie, but you still appreciate a large amount of effort he puts into it.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite feature is his hands, they’re just… a demanding focus on his body he thinks, and he knows how to use them in a way that makes you feel good. His favorite body part on you is your eyes. He loves that he can read exactly how you’re feeling by peering into your eyes. It’s just so much more satisfying than anything else. But if we’re talking body body, he’s an ass man.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His cum is pretty thin and very milky, super fucking warm, and enjoys seeing it splatter against your face.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s nearly fucked a clone he made of you one day after not seeing you in a long time, and he was so needy, and nothing was working! He knows your proportions like his name and well when it came to penetration he just couldn’t do it and had to call you immediately afterward.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He is actually sort of experienced, he had a healthy sex life before his mental dip, and it’s still evident in the way he loves you. But he’s just so gentle with you sometimes you think that he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary or reverse cowgirl.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He can be humorous in bed, especially once he’s no longer so shy around you in bed, you two are the ones to argue about a Spongebob episode while he’s slamming into you

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

It’s really badly groomed. He just doesn’t have the patience to groom it correctly. There are a few nicks and uneven patches, but you don’t mind. And the carpet is darker than the drapes.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He is a very intimate person when it calls for it. As long as you aren’t goofing off expect for his words to be a prayer to your body in your ear, his eyes peering lovingly into yours. His soul is yours.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Loves masturbating with you. Especially when the two of you are too lazy to actually fuck, he just loves watching the way your fingers fuck yourself as he madly fists away.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Isn’t that kinky, to be honest. Like he’s open to everything but there isn’t one thing that set him off because everything about you makes him horny.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

He really likes fucking in a super big mattress, California king. He likes rolling around with you, so he needs the room.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

The thing that gets him going is after you’ve showered and you’re just waiting there for him. You look so pure and clean and innocent, but you’re not and welp there he goes.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Will not ever put anything over his head. Blindfold, mask, gag. It makes him panic, it makes him freak out unless it’s his mask, but he tries not to wear it in bed with you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves giving it more. His skill is actually pretty good with this because he just enjoys using tongue, so he’s not bad at it at all.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual all the fucking way. Not that he doesn’t want to fuck you until the bed breaks, but there’s just something so much more rewarding about fucking you nice and slowly, his lips dragging against your skin… it’s just superior.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not into quickies unless that’s all he can do. He just loves the passionate foreplay that is proper sex and you can’t get that with a quickie.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is into experimenting as long as the two of you discuss it beforehand, he doesn’t like having things sprung upon him during a session. Discuss before enacting!

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can last a few healthy rounds, and he takes a while to come due to the slower nature of your sex.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t own toys, but will buy them when the two of you want to be kinky. He enjoys watching you use them on him. He’s a little more of a sub!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Doesn’t like teasing you at all, he’s very straightforward and won’t take you on a wild goose chase to get his dick in you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s quite loud, he’s already very vocal, and well when you’re fucking him he has no restraint. Moaning and groaning are his favorite noises.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He wants to one day use his quirk to fuck you. You want more than one of his dicks surrounding you when he does you, and he may not be quite ready for that, but one day maybe when he’s ready it will happen.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s a bit smaller than average. 5 inches flaccid and 6.5 while erect. Very veiny dick that’s more concentrated along the front of his cock.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He has a semi-high sex drive. Like he doesn’t need to fuck every three days, but he enjoys it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

As soon as he’s done providing for you, he will pass out LOL

#twice x reader #bubaigawara jin #jin bubaigawara #jin x reader #bubaigawara jin x reader #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha twice #mha #mha x reader #mha headcanons #mha twice #twice smut

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kion-kimani · 4 years

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Kiongozi “Kion” Kimani Lorrin’s Character Sheet

Archetype — The Ruler Birthday — May 20th, 2001 Zodiac Sign —Taurus Sun, Taurus Moon, Scorpio Rising MBTI — ESTJ Enneagram —1; The Reformer Temperament — Choleric Hogwarts House — Gryffindor Moral Alignment — Lawful Good Primary Vice — Wrath Primary Virtue — Diligence Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Meklit Lorrin nee Adoyo Father — Quinbum Lorrin Mother’s Occupation — Owns Rehabilitation Home for children who have been victim of child prostitution Father’s Occupation — Un-Habitat Worker Family Finances — Middle class but like more high middle class Birth Order — Youngest; He the baby Brothers — One. Masamba Lorrin, he was born second Sisters — One. Chidi Lorrin, she was the first born Other Close Family — All of Simba’s maternal family, there are a lot of them, MK has a sheet you guys can go look at xD But he’s also close with his maternal grandmother because they click well in personality. Best Friend — In Kenya Other Friends — All in Kenya Enemies — I’m pretty sure he will make some xD but as of right now nonee except if he can count his magic, then his magic Pets — None, I want him to have one though!! Once his magic gets under control xD Home Life During Childhood — Kion has the best childhood out of all my other characters xD He was/is loved. He is Melkit’s favorite, yes, parents aren’t supposed to have favorites, but Kion is Melkit’s baby. He was definitely babied. Kion is very close to his siblings and has a great relationship with his parents. Kion often visited his aunts, uncles and cousins that live in Nairobi. He legit had an idyllic childhood. Town or City Name(s) — Nairobi, Kenya. What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Neat. Kion is actually not a slob. His room back home is clean and organized. All his clothes are folded and hung like they are supposed to be. He makes his bed and has a designated spot for everything in his room. There really isn’t like a whole lot of originality to his room. He doesn’t really care for decorating. Chidi actually teases him by calling him boring all the time. Any Sports or Clubs — Likes Rugby and was definitely on the Rugby team back in school. He wasn’t really in any clubs because he preferred helping his mom out in the rehabilitation center instead. Favorite Toy or Game — Kion loves a good game of Rugby Schooling — Kion went through all the normal Nairobi schooling. He is now attending Pride U in Swynlake Favorite Subject — History Popular or Loner — Popular, not that he cared about it, he’s just social Important Experiences or Events — The day he and his family realized that he was a magick, the day where he caused major burning damage at the rehabilitation center D: and then there was also the day where the decision was made for Kion to move to Swynlake with Simba Nationality — Kenyan Culture — Kenyan Religion and beliefs — Muslim, his family practices but they are more modern muslim

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim —Tequan Richmond Complexion — Beautiful clear and unmarked light chocolate skin Hair Colour — Black Eye Colour — Dark Brown Height — 5’8” Build — Yummy fit Tattoos — Nope. Piercings — Nope. Common Hairstyle — Umm, cut lol I don’t know how to better explain it. xD Sometimes Kion will let his hair grow out and braid it so you can see that on him from time to time, but for the most part he keeps up with regular barber cuts Clothing Style — T-shirts and jeans. He doesn’t wear a lot of black jeans, he prefers blue. It’s very rare to catch Kion in a long sleeve shirt, I’m not even sure if he presently owns any (except for like formal wear where he has to dress fancy for an event) and that’s because his body runs really hot due to his magic. If you catch him in a sweater or a hoodie he is either wearing it for the aesthetic or it has to be like winter cold out. He is a fan of sneakers. He always looks neat, and put together. Mannerisms — Kion clenches his fists when he is trying to control his magic, he walks right out of a conversation if he’s done with it even if it’s rude to do so, deep breaths before speaking sentences when he’s angry, scoffs, rubs neck when embarrassed, juts chin when angry, perfect at maintaining eye contact even when embarrassed, tight drawn in shoulders when standing, and has a broad stance

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — Nope. Physical Ailments — None. Neurological Conditions — Nope. Allergies — I would love to give him an allergy, but I’m pretty sure I’ll forget all about it so no. Grooming Habits — Kion is very clean, he doesn’t like being a slob. It doesn’t mean that he will stop himself from doing things because he could get dirty, it’s not to that at all, but for the most part he appreciates cleanliness and enjoys looking put together. Sleeping Habits — Light sleeper, Kion wakes up for any little noise but he’s not much of a mover when he sleeps like he isn’t constantly switching positions Eating Habits — He’s a healthy eater, sticks to his three meals a day, but is not like gluten free or vegan or anything like that. He is like a boy where he likes his big portion of food. Exercise Habits — Kion exercises religiously. He is in the gym four to five times a week and he loves it. He enjoys working out, it settles his mind. He enjoys running, but also loves strength building. Emotional Stability — Umm Kion is probably not the most emotionally stable at the moment only because he’s struggling with this whole magic control and it’s eating at everything that makes him him. He doesn’t show any of that on the outside though. Body Temperature — Hot. His skin always feels warmer than the average person’s and he never gets cold because his body is always hot. Sociability — Kion is social. I wouldn’t say he’s like an extreme social butterfly, but he likes talking and being around people. He isn’t shy. Addictions — None. Drug Use — Nope. Alcohol Use — Occasional and really not even Kion isn’t a huge drinker like at all. I mean he’s also only nineteen sooo

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — Swearing when in a temper, has a temper, does drink off the carton at times haha, can easily slip to an all work and no play mode Good Habits — Exercises, healthy eater, organized, on time, responsible Best Characteristic — Confident, responsible and caring Worst Characteristic — His stubbornness, pride, and he can even get pretty arrogant Worst Memory — When he caused some pretty heavy damage to his mom’s Rehab center because his magic got out of control and because of that his sister ended up with some second degree burns :( Kion can’t forgive himself for that. Best Memory — I mean Kion is only nineteen he still has so much life to live!!! I also can’t think of anything right now xD But I am pretty sure a best memory for him would be something where his family is involved. Proud of —His family. Embarrassed by — His inability to control his magic whenever his emotions are thrown off Driving Style — Kion is an excellent driver! Never text when he drives, or even look at his cell phone and he obeys the rules of the road, stops at all stop signs like you are supposed to. Strong Points — He is reliable, responsible, trustworthy, intelligent, level-headed, selfless, caring, protective Temperament — Kion is a pretty calm dude. He does have a temper, but he’s very laid-back if any of that contradiction makes sense Attitude — Laid back Weakness — His stubbornness and persistence Fears — Lost of his family, harming his family because of his magic, harming anyone else because of his magic Phobias — None Secrets — I don’t really think he has much of any Regrets — Not being able to control his magic in time from causing severe damage to his mom’s Rehab Center and second degree burns to Chidi’s arms Feels Vulnerable When — Speaking about personal problems and emotions. Pet Peeves — When people don’t keep eye contact while in a conversation with him like even if you aren’t paying attention at least be nice enough to fake that you’re paying attention xD Conflicts — There is the sad fact that he can’t control his magic right now so Kion is always in conflict about whether or not he should be around people for long periods of time. Kion is also emotionally conflicted because his magic is taking away a lot of what makes him him. Motivation — His sense of doing the right thing and his family Short Term Goals and Hopes — To control his magic Long Term Goals and Hopes — Graduate from University and help fix/pay off the damages he caused at his mom’s Rehabilitation Center Sexuality — He thinks he is Heterosexual Day or Night Person — Day Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert Optimist or Pessimist — Realist

#knowing kion #inspo #character sheet

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autumn-writes · 3 years

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can i request a fluff alphabet with izuru

sure thing! i don't really know how to write for izuru yet, but this will be good practice!

Izuru Kamukura Fluff Alphabet!

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

- Izuru thinks you're lovely inside and out, so to put it simple, he loves everything about you. You were able to make him feel love, and he loves you for that.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

- Your hair! He likes nuzzling his face in it when he's spooning you.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

- He'd most likely hold you in his arms and push you to his chest. So spooning, basically. But if you want to hold him, he doesn't object.

D = Dreams - (how do they picture their future with their s/o?)

- Honestly, he probably wouldn't really think of it much, but he'd like to get married. Though he doesn't see the point in them, to be able to call you his wife makes his chest flutter ♡

E = Everything (you are my ____ e.g. my life, my world)

- "You are my sunshine."

F = Family (do they want one? if they do, when?)

- He wouldn't mind having one. He can take care of them easily because he's sort of like the Ultimate Dad and Child Caregiver in a way with his "possess every talent" thing. And plus, a family with you doesn't sound so bad in his head, so he's not opposed to the idea.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? what are their habits when it comes to this?)

- He's more of an actions speak louder than words type of guy, so you can bet that most times he'd make the gifts instead of buying them. He wouldn't have any difficulty doing so anyways.

- Though Izuru doesn't think much of the gifts, whenever he sees you smile because of something he gave you makes him want to make more.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

- He likes holding hands! It's the first form of affection that he's learnt from you and gotten used to. The way your hands fit perfectly into each other's just feels so right.

I = Inspiration - (did you change them somehow, or the other way around?)

- He is able to show more emotion because of you! He's a lot more open and is a bit more empathetic now!

J = Jealousy - (do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?)

- It would take a lot for Izuru to get jealous. The few times he DOES get jealous, it's mostly because someone tries pulling some moves on you and you're genuinely oblivious. When those happen, he just pulls you away and tells you bluntly that he was starting to get jealous.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

- He's not used to kisses yet, but he does like giving you hand kisses. He thinks they're sweet and the blush that appears on your face when he does it makes him love doing then even more.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

- He's not the most affectionate, nor is he the best when it comes to words, but he shows you he loves you through simple gestures. May it be cooking for you, giving gifts, or even cleaning.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

- His favorite memories consist of him holding you as you try to show him how affectionate gestures work. Those moments are ones where he feels extra fluttery around you ♡

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

- His worst fear is you leaving him due to him not giving a lot of affection and not telling you he loves you enough.

O = On Cloud Nine (what are they like when they are in love? is it obvious for others? how do they express their feelings?)

- It's not obvious when he likes someone. If people found out you were dating Izuru they'd most likely be like "Wait what Izuru liked you??"

- When he's in love, he shows a lot more concern and worry towards you. He also mentions your name a lot and compliments you instead of calling you boring.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

- My Love and Sunshine.

- My love because he loves you! Sunshine is because you're the shining ray of light in his once dark and gloomy life.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

- Reading a book with you by his side. Though he'd get bored of the book after a while, already being able to tell what kind of outcome the book is going to have, having you there with him being invested in the words inked onto the papers makes him feel motivated to continue reading.

R = Romance (how romantic are they? what would they do to make their s/o happy? cliché or rather creative?)

- He's not the most romantic, but that doesn't mean he isn't romantic at all!

- He can be both cliché and creative. It depends on what he thinks you might like.

S = Support - (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? do they believe in them??

- He's not the most vocal when it comes to voicing his support, but he'd help you achieve your goals! The... Happiness? He's not sure, but the happy feeling in his chest whenever you achieve something that you've been hoping to achieve for a long time is something that he could never get tired of.

- Of course he believes in you! Besides, he'd do anything to help you reach your goals, so he believes you'll accomplish them.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

- A very long time. Izuru isn't an easy person to read, and he also didn't really think much of confessing as he was not sure what feeling he felt whenever you were around. It took some time for him to realize it was love.

U = Understanding - (how good do they know their partner? are they empathetic?)

- He can read you like an open book. That's how well Izuru knows you.

- He's sort of like, an Ultimate Therapist in a way, so he can show some empathy. He's not the best at showing them, but for you, he'll try.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? do they like to show you off?)

- Izuru doesn't see the point in showing you off. I mean, the important thing is that people know you two are dating, right? There's no need to show off.

W = Wild Card - (a random fluff headcanon.)

- Though he acts like he's annoyed by it, Izuru really likes it when you play with his hair.

X = XOXO - (are they very affectionate? do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- He's not very affectionate, but he is not opposed to giving and receiving affection. Though if he received affection he might not really know what to do at first. It would take a while for him to get used to it.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

- Has your proposal planned down to a T. He'll bring you to a restaurant and propose there. Then after that, he'd take you for a stroll and just enjoy his time with you.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

- Having you there with him calms him. He doesn't know why but your presence is... Soothing. He doesn't want to let you go.

here you go, anon! i hope you enjoyed this. do forgive me if there are any errors in grammar or spelling in this. i'm sort of trying to rush things atm. but not to worry! i'll be editing this later!

stay safe and healthy! don't overwork yourself, eat your meals, and stay hydrated!!

#izuru kamukura x reader #fluff alphabet #danganronpa x reader #sdr2 x reader #mod mahiru writes #mod mahiru

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cryptiboy · 4 years

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do you have any advice for someone having flashbacks? you dont have to answer if u dont want ✌️no pressure

hi anon! ngl I’ve been dealing with flashbacks for a very long time and they’ve recently gotten worse, so I’m not super guru all under control no problem, but what it does mean is that I can share some of what’s been working for me, and what I’ve tried and didn’t work but could work for you!

First, identifying that you’re having a flashback in the moment is the first step to helping yourself with flashbacks- how can you manage flashbacks if you don’t even know when they’re running through your mind? Sometimes they’re really easy to identify (being overwhelmed by a bad memory or bad memories, knowing seeing and feeling these memories clearly, being physically and mentally upset by them, etc). Other times, it’s much more difficult to identify it (blocking out the memories you’re experiencing, memories only showing up through emotions after being triggered by something you didn’t catch as a trigger, etc).

Caring for yourself when you’re NOT having a flashback is also essential to your health when you ARE having a flashback! This doesn’t just mean eating healthy and getting enough sleep and exercise (although, those are a crucial part of this step as well)- it also means practicing the skills you’ll be using when you are experiencing a flashback BEFORE you experience it. For me, this means practicing mindfulness and mindful meditation: what I get from this is NOT “turning my thoughts off” as a lot of people think- it is though, being able to step away from the stream/roadway/track that is your thoughts and emotions, and watching your stream of thoughts (whether positive or negative) with compassion and curiosity for yourself and your thoughts and emotions. I’m probably not explaining it as well as I’d like, but I reccomend finding some articles or books on it if you’re interested!

What I’ve also learned from meditation is: BREATHING. If you don’t take anything else away from this answer, at least take this: breathing will save your life, literally. When you’re flashing back, take a moment to check in with your breath. Ask yourself and your body questions like: am I breathing right now? (Sometimes the answer is no) how quickly am I breathing? How deeply am I breathing? Am I breathing from my stomach or my chest? (Aim for stomach breathing, something most people need to relearn) Try to gently move all of your focus and attention into how you are breathing- when you realize your mind as wandered over to something upsetting, allow that something to move along down your stream of thoughts, and gently and lovingly bring your attention back to breathing (there’s the meditation again!) counting how long your breaths take, as well as how many breaths you have taken, as well as the sensations of breathing can keep your mind busy with tasks meant to calm down instead of rile up. Make sure to do at least three or four breaths before trying anything else, but you can absolutely do this for as long as you like (for the entire day, in fact! Sitting or standing still is good to start, but this can be practiced on the bus, in school, at work, on a walk- you name it, if you can breath then you can practice breathing!)

This is where I WILL interject myself- if you don’t have a therapist and haven’t talked to your doctor about this, I really reccomend doing that! They’re called a care team because they care for your health and well-being, and will have a lot more helpful resources and personalized advice than I do :) I’m also not a liscesnsed therapist or doctor or psych, this is all advice from one survivor to another

Once you feel like you are calm and okay with facing your thoughts (please do not worry if this takes much longer than you anticipated, recovery is not a race no matter what anyone tells you), you may try observing your thoughts and emotions with more attention (while still mentally distanced from them)- no emotions are bad, it is only how we act on our thoughts and emotions that can harm or help. So, sit with them and sort out what exactly is going on- can you identify what triggered this? What are your primary and secondary emotions? If you get overwhelmed (which happens for most people, often), gently take yourself away from that train of thought and bring yourself back to breathing, grounding, and self soothing. The outcome of observing your thoughts should be a calm and slightly relieved understanding- it should definitely NOT be triggering yourself into another flashback, or sitting with bad emotions and letting them build up. This step is difficult, and still one I’m personally struggling with

I talked about breathing, but what are grounding and self soothing? Let’s get into it! Grounding is when you pull yourself back into the present, physical, realistic moment around you- a popular method is to name five of each sense- 5 colors you can see, 5 sounds you can hear, 5 textures you can feel. You can also just take in the environment around you- notice details of different things, allowing yourself to flow between details and different senses and objects, thinking about how they connect and how they make your body feel- seek out sensations that you know make you calm in times of upset, like making yourself a cup of tea, holding a favorite stuffed animal, or listening to cheerful or calming music. The purpose of grounding is to recalibrate your emotions and allow them to level out, as well as healthily distract yourself.

The other healthy way to distract yourself that I mentioned is self soothing! A lot of the stuff I mentioned above can count as self soothing (like making yourself tea or listening to music)- self soothing is simply the act of soothing yourself in a healthy, positive way. Many of us have picked up unhealthy ways of self soothing (self harm and drug abuse, for instance). If you recognize an unhealthy habit, don’t berate yourself for it, you had the right idea in trying to self sooth! Instead, allow yourself to learn new, healthier ways of coping the replace the old negative ways. Some other healthy ways of self soothing include: giving yourself a bath/shower, self massage, exercise (this can range anywhere from rock climbing to running to yoga to dance- get physical in a healthy healing way!), cooking a delicious meal for yourself... there are many, many more self soothing ideas out there, these are just a few!

Remember that no matter what you take from this, meet yourself with compassion and a willingness to listen and help yourself- flashbacks can feel like an attack on yourself by yourself, and there’s often a lot of self loathing and shame that naturally comes with the problems associated with flashbacks- please, try to always gently remind yourself that: it isn’t your fault. You were hurt in some way, it is natural for you to be experiencing these things after being hurt. Flashbacks are a way for our brain to try and figure out how to do the situation better next time- but that have gotten out of hand, and have started to harm instead of help (your body doesn’t know that though- it is just trying to keep you alive and safe!) remember that you are in control (even if it doesn’t feel like it), you are important, you are strong, and you are not alone in this.

Although this post is long, it only barely scratches the surface of the well of help and hope for people experiencing flashbacks. I hope this helps somewhat, keep breathing, and feel free to message me again!

#i didnt go back and edit this was all written in one go im so sorry if its incomprehensible #anonymous #answered #flashbacks #long post

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the-wlw-cafe · 6 years

Text

Kara Danvers Fluff A-Z

A = affection (how affectionate are they in day to day life? Do they show affection publicly or keep that more in private?)

Kara is a cuddlebug and we all know it. She is almost constantly touching you, holding your hand, gently laying an arm across your shoulders or giving you cute little cheek kisses whenever the opportunity presents itself. There is nothing that makes her happier than being able to hold you close.

B = best memory (what is the best memory they have with you)

Her best memory with you is the day where she finally got to officially introduce you as your girlfriend at game night. The reactions of the superfriends ranged from surprised and excited (Winn) to a good-natured eye roll and a “finally!” (Alex), but Kara’s mind swam with joy and relief as her friends welcomed you into their group with open arms.

C = cat or dog person

When asked she will swear that she has no preference one way or the other and that she loves both cats and dogs to pieces, and while that may be true, you know that secretly might like dogs the tiniest bit more. Something about their loyal and protective nature just resonates with her.

D = dreams (what do they want to do in life?)

When all is said and done, she wants to have made a positive difference in the world, no matter how small or large in scale, whether it is saving the earth from a world-ending threat or coaxing a smile out of you on a bad day.

E = evenings (how do they spend their evening? So they go out? Do they read?)

As much as she loves game night with the superfriends, sometimes she just wants to curl up on the couch under a ton of blankets, eating junk food and watching a feel-good movie.

F = first date (what was it like?)

She is so excited to show you so many things, it’s almost hard to keep up. You get takeout to go because she insists you’ll need your energy. She takes you to the dog park where you can watch all the puppies romp around in the sun, she takes you to the animal shelter where she’s volunteered for many years and still is a regular (she introduces you to not only the people there, but also every single animal as her girlfriend, and it makes your heart swell so much you fear it might explode out of your chest), and finally, she takes you to a very secluded spot in a park. This is where she comes to think, the noise of the city filtered through the leaves of the trees. It’s here where you share your first kiss.

G = giggle (what is their laugh like? What makes them laugh?)

Kara Danvers is mostly a giggler, she giggles whenever you something she finds cute, which is almost all the time. Real, throw-your-head-back laughter is a bit more seldom from her, reserved for friends and family only.

H = hugs (do they like hug? What kind of hugs do the give?)

Her hugs are so gentle and soft, it skirts the border of vertical cuddling. She’s very afraid of hurting you by accident, especially in the early stages of your relationship. It takes a while for her to trust herself to not squish you, but as soon as she does, be prepared for surprise hugs, and most importantly: Being twirled in the air while hugging her. She can’t help but show off a bit with how easy she can lift you up.

I = instrument (do they play an instrument?)

She did learn to play the ukulele a year after she came to earth, it was a good exercise in self control, and on top of it all Kara loves music. Also, she can slay on karaoke night.

J = joy (what brings them joy in life?)

Kara can find joy in the smallest things, it’s something you absolutely love about her. You especially remember the day she called you out of the blue, just to tell you that she saw a family of ducks in the park.

K = kisses (what kind of kisser are they? Shy? Passionate?)

Much like her hugs, her kisses are gentle and careful, but also unrushed. She wants to savour every moment she gets to kiss you.

L = love (how do they act when they have a crush)

Let’s face it: she is a doofus in love. She’s the epitome of gay panic and can’t seem to form coherent sentences around you. Conversely, when you’re not around, she can’t seem to stop gushing about you to her friends, how intelligent you are, how beautiful your laugh is, how kind your smile is and how good you smell (“Is that weird, Alex? Oh no, I bet it’s weird. Am I weird?”). Poor Alex is contemplating locking both of you in a reinforced chamber until you talk your feelings out.

M = memory (what’s their favourite memory?)

It’s hard for her to talk about, but her memories of Krypton are her favourite, in a bittersweet way.

N = no (what is their pet peeve?)

Because of her supersenses, she is sensitive towards noises, and certain sounds (like fingernails on a chalkboard) literally make her skin crawl.

O = occupation (what’s their dream job?)

She wants to be able to change the world as Kara Danvers as much as she changes the world as Supergirl, only in a different way of course. She wants to make it big as a reporter, maybe even be an international correspondent (travel won’t be a problem for Supergirl after all).

P = parent (what kind of parent would they be?)

Kara would have a hard time denying her children anything, and you can bet your bottom dollar that her kids know this.

Q = questions (do they believe in the super natural? Aliens? Anything along those lines)

Believing in aliens is kind of a given for her. Ghosts and other supernatural beings are a different story, as much as she’d like to believe that there are things that science can’t explain, she is pretty sure that there are rational explanations out there for every mystery.

R = romantic (are they romantic during the relationship?)

Kara constantly blurs the line between romantic and dorky. At first she’s afraid she’ll ruin the mood with her rambling, but you tell her again and again that it’s part of her charm.

S = smile (what makes them smile without fail)

Seeing the way you look at her, with so much love and caring that it temporarily knocks the air out of her lungs.

T = together (how clingy are they? How long do you two spend together per day on average)

Her duties at CatCo and as Supergirl sadly don’t leave much time for you, and even when you finally find time to be together, it’s not seldom that an emergency calls her away in the middle of your date. There are days where you don’t even see each other in person, but she always makes sure to text you, keeping you updated on what made her smile, ranting about her boss etc..

U = unbearable (what habit do they have that’s unbearable? What habit do you have that they find unbearable)

Kara tends to keep the Supergirl side of her life to herself, even after she told you her secret identity, because she doesn’t want to pull you into this mess and get you in danger. You can’t help but feel as if she’s closing part of herself off at times.

There are days where you worry so much about her that you intentionally try to keep her from her hero duties, which is something Kara absolutely can’t deal with.

V = videos (do they take lots of videos or photos during your relationship?)

Should anyone ever get their hands on Kara’s phone, they’d have a ton of blackmail material against you on their hands. Kara makes sure to capture all of your cutest moments, be that you spooning a pizza carton after falling asleep on movie night or you with your nose dusted in powdered sugar on a date with her.

W = wedding (what was the wedding like?)

Definitely an outdoors wedding in a smaller circle, only close friends and family are invited. Instead of rings you exchange bracelets, as is Kryptonian custom. Kara is all but sobbing tears of joy, and so are plenty of your guests. Cat Grant, of course, doesn’t cry, it’s just the allergies, that’s what you get for getting married in a field of flowers, and anyone who dares to imply anything else is silenced with one scathing look.

X = eXtra (what’s an interesting fact about them that they don’t tell anyone about?)

What she regrets most about her superpowers is the fact that there are so many sports she can’t play without feeling like she’s cheating by default, even if she does keep her strength and speed in check.

Y = yuck (what do they hate? Could be a food, sent, word anything)

It’s no big secret that Kara isn’t a fan of most traditional healthy foods, but that actually has more to do with their spongy, mushy texture than their taste or appearance.

Z = zzzz (how heavy of a sleeper are they? How do they sleep? What mood do they wake up in? Really any sleeping headcanons)

Kara actually has problems falling asleep, her superhearing making it difficult to find any rest and the more tragic side of her life as a superhero haunting her. As soon as she manages to fall asleep, it’s almost impossible to wake her until her body decides she’s had enough rest. She’s also a total koala and will subconsciously cling to anything and anyone in her sleep.

#supergirl imagine #supergirl headcanons #kara danvers #kara danvers imagine #kara danvers x reader #wlw imagine #wlw #fluff alphabet #fluff abc

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squishykpoptummies · 6 years

Note

hey! sorry if you dont write this kinda stuff but would u be able to write a yoonkook fic where jk is very afraid of gaining weight and works out all the time but yoongi really wants to see him become all soft and cute, and eventually jungkook starts growing out his clothes bc yoongis been secretly feeding him and at first jungkook is very insecure but he learns to love his new softer body?

a/n: this got way longer and angstier than i wanted it too oops. but it is possibly the fluffiest angst i have ever written, which shouldn’t be possible but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i like how it came out so that’s something lol. ((alsooo it gets a teeny bit nsfw?? but just for like three sentences and nothing actually happens yoongi just has a very active imagination))

~~~

It was five in the morning, and Yoongi was awake. He didn’t want to be awake, obviously, but his idiot of a boyfriend had very loudly knocked something over. Yoongi groaned.

“Ah! Sorry, hyung,” Jungkook whispered.

“Just get back in bed, Kook.”

There was silence after that, and Yoongi blearily opened an eye to find Jungkook worrying his lip between his teeth, looking intently at the floor. “But I have to go to the gym.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. You made me skip yesterday, so I have to go today.”

“Hey, you woke me up, so you come make it up to me. We can fuck later, or something, that’ll be your workout for the day.”

Jungkook flushed brilliantly. “Hyung,” he whined.

Yoongi reached out towards him, making grabby hands, and if he weren’t half-asleep, he’d absolutely hate himself for it. “C’mon. Sleep now.”

Jungkook sighed, but gave a small smile nonetheless as he climbed back in bed.

–

“Whoa, what is all this?”

Yoongi looked up from the book he was reading, dog-eared the page and then got up to greet his boyfriend. “Just got some takeout,” he said, pressing a short kiss to Jungkook’s lips. “How was work?”

Jungkook was still staring at the table, filled with a large array of takeout containers. “But this is enough to feed, like, ten people, how are we supposed to eat of this?”

Yoongi shrugged. “We can have leftovers. I mean, they won’t be as good the next day, but whatever. Go change out of your work clothes and let’s eat; I’m starving.”

Jungkook nodded slowly before making his way to the bedroom. Yoongi watched him go, taking in the amazing view of his ass straining against his work pants. Jungkook had always had a fantastic ass, but in the past few months, it had just gotten even better.

Okay, honestly… that was kind of Yoongi’s doing. He hadn’t been trying to fatten his boyfriend up, per se, he’d just wanted to younger boy to let loose once in a while, and maybe stop going to the gym fucking six days a week. And, to Yoongi’s surprise, it worked.

He’d convinced Jungkook to just go to the gym three times a week instead (though he did insist on having sex more frequently, to “compensate,” as he put it, but hey, Yoongi wasn’t complaining), and also increase the number of cheat days he allowed himself, which Yoongi filled with tons of sweets, chips, ice cream, anything Jungkook wanted, really. And the results were showing.

In the last few months, Jungkook had slowly developed a layer of pudge that covered up his abs, his thighs had gotten thicker, his pecs softer, and his cheeks rounded out adorably. And of course his ass. It was beautiful.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi was jolted back to reality and greeted with the sight of his gorgeous boyfriend, now in pajamas. The same pajamas that, two months ago, had been pretty loose on the younger boy, but now showed off a small but definitely there tummy, clung to love handles when he turned just so, stretched the fabric along his upper thighs. God, he’d never get over how perfect Jungkook was.

“Oh, yeah, hey. Let’s eat.”

–

It was eight-thirty and the food was gone. Yoongi was shocked. Jungkook was shocked, but was also seconds away from slipping into a well-deserved food coma because he ate like six fucking servings of Chinese food.

Yoongi let out a low whistle. “Looks like we finished it.”

“I’m so full I think I’m going to die.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Yoongi chuckled. Jungkook’s stomach now pressed tightly against his shirt, perfectly round, but definitely painful looking. Yoongi wanted to touch it so bad. Wanted to touch all of Jungkook, feel out his new curves, learn this new body. And he wanted to fuck right now, go over to Jungkook and straddle him, his stuffed tummy pushed against Yoongi’s softer one, touching, feeling, ride him until he can’t see straight, until they both become so undone–

Stop, stop, stop, now was not the time, he needed to be present for Jungkook, get him to bed, probably give him some antacids, etc. And he needed to have a sit-down conversation with Jungkook about this. At some point. Maybe.

“Holy shit,” Jungkook breathed, looking down at his stomach. “I look like I ate a watermelon or something.”

“Pretty small watermelon. Wanna sleep it off?”

“If I move I think I might puke.”

“Well that wouldn’t be good.”

“Mmm. Definitely an undesirable outcome.”

“Wanna belly rub?”

Jungkook gave Yoongi a Look out of the corner of his eye. “That’s kinda weird, hyung.”

Yoongi shrugged. “Just thought it might help. Don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Sorry.”

“No ‘sorry’s. I’m getting you antacids and then I’m putting you to bed.”

Jungkook gave a small smile. “Sounds good.”

–

It all came to a head three weeks later.

“I’m back,” Yoongi announced, slipping off his shoes. He placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, looked to the living room, expecting to find Jungkook on the couch, watching TV or something, as he’d been more prone to do lately. He wasn’t there. “Kook?” he called out. No response.

But the door to their bedroom was closed. Maybe he was taking a nap. But when he went to open the door, it was locked. Weird. “Kookie, you in there?”

There was definitely movement from the other side, feet shuffling on carpet, drawers opening and closing.

“Don’t come in!” came Jungkook’s voice. And it sounded… panicked?

“You okay in there?”

“Fine,” Jungkook said, voice strained.

“Will you let me in?”

“…No.”

Yoongi sighed. “Jungkook, I really don’t wanna use the master key, but I will. If I have to. You know I would. There is literally no reason for this door to be locked. Let me in before I start thinking the worst.”

There was silence for a moment, two moments, and Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose, tried to remember where they last put the key, and then the lock clicked. Yoongi let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and slowly pushed opened the door.

Jungkook was seated on the edge of their bed, head down, body tense, and Yoongi tried to scan him over for any possible injuries, but the large sweatshirt he was wearing did a good job at hiding his body. Yoongi stepped over the piles of clothes strewn about (why were all their clothes on the floor?) and sat down next to Jungkook.

Yoongi looked him over again. “Any injuries.”

Jungkook sighed. “No.” He let out a shaky laugh. “You do always think the worst.”

Yoongi huffed. “Habit. Hey, can you look at me?”

So he did. Yoongi bit his lip at the sight of Jungkook’s red, puffy eyes and flushed cheeks.

“You’ve been crying,” Yoongi stated softly. “Why?”

Jungkook shrugged.

“C’mon. What happened.”

“I dunno. Nothing.”

“Jungkook,” Yoongi said, voice warning.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s stupid. Can we move on?”

“Well, it obviously matters if it’s made you this upset.”

“I just,” Jungkook looked to the ceiling. “I don’t… feel good, about myself, I guess.”

Yoongi stayed quiet. He knew there was more.

“None of my clothes fit.”

Oh. That’s what this was about. “Because you’ve put on weight?”

Jungkook nodded to the ceiling. “It’s… I feel so weird. Like. My body isn’t mine anymore.”

Yoongi considered this. “Well, you’re still you.”

“I know.”

“I think you look really good.”

“You’re my boyfriend, you have to say that.”

Yoongi clucked his tongue. “I don’t lie.”

“You cheat at board games.”

“That’s different.”

Jungkook cracks a smile. “Sure, hyung.”

“Kook-ah. I need you to look me in the eyes when I say this.”

Jungkook turned his gaze to Yoongi, who gently took hold of the younger boy’s hands.

“I love you,” Yoongi said, trying to put as much emphasis behind the words as possible. “I love you so much. You’re on of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and nothing will change that, especially your weight. If you want to lose some, that’s fine. If you want to stay where you are, that’s fine. If you want to gain more, that’s fine. All I want is for you to be healthy, and be happy. And I want you to let me help you. Yeah?”

Jungkook nodded. His eyes had gone glossy, and Yoongi’s own felt suspiciously wet, throat tight, face hot.

“I love you, too,” Jungkook whispered.

The kiss they share is soft, slow, wet with tears– happy tears? relieved tears? Yoongi wasn’t sure, but they didn’t feel like a bad thing. He felt warm, secure in the arms of the person he loved and who loved him back.

They resurfaced after a few minutes. “Do you wanna keep talking about this?” Yoongi asked quietly.

Jungkook took in a deep breath. “I don’t know how I feel about the weight yet. I don’t really wanna think about it that much.”

“Would fucking me make you feel better?”

Jungkook choked, burst into giggles, funnier than it should’ve been, broken tension freeing. “Horny bastard.”

“What can I say?” Yoongi shrugged. “I’m dating the hottest guy on earth.”

Jungkook shook his head, smiling, impossibly cute bunny teeth poking out, and nudged into Yoongi’s shoulder. “We should, like, totally do that at some point tonight, but honestly? Right now I just want to watch some anime and eat a lot of popcorn.”

Yoongi smiled, pressed a kiss to Jungkook’s cheek. “That can definitely be arranged.”

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