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a-d-nox · 3 months

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pac/pap: message from your future spouse/partner

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what energy should you bring with you into the new year?

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

their physicality: emo style, pale, dark hair, tired looking, vitiligo, multicolored hair, highlighted hair, heterochromia, attractive, cute, stylish, possible smoker, and/or nice voice

their personality: impulsive, spontaneous, foreign, traveler, commitment issues, wanderer, needs space/freedom, adventurer, flirty, mesmerizing, agile, easily jealous, charming, irritable, scatter-brained, high-energy, easily distracted, and/or indecisive

where you are likely to meet: outdoors, at an art gallery, decor/antique shop, flower shop, alternative medicine shop, card section of a store, when buying beauty products, somewhere you are meant to dress up, art class, at a metaphysical shop, psych office, at night, the movie theater, night club, new york, naval academy, on a boat/cruise, at the beach, yachting, and/or somewhere coastal

now maybe this person doesn't have the best track record with previous lovers. in fact, it might be a bit chaotic to you when first hear about it. maybe when you meet them they will be freshly out of a recent breakup. they might be the type of person to remains friends with exes. those exes might even be actively involved in their life. that likely stems from their fear of commitment or their fear of being alone. currently, they are still learning that letting endings happen leads to new space for "bigger and better things" and people (like you).

to them, you are like the only star on the darkest night. they will only have eyes for you because you will be their muse. they adore you. you are so incredible in their eyes. they will see you as someone who is immensely strong, faithful, and optimistic. they find you to be a breath of fresh air - when they are with you, they feel like they can dream. they see all the possibilities of what could be and what they could become to transform into someone worthy of you.

they have some great qualities but ranking highest is their urge to control the chaos in your life for you. they are protective - they don't like to see you overwhelmed or hurt by the world around you, so they willfully step in the path of chaos to protect you. when you are overwhelmed, they are the first to volunteer to take care of anything for you. especially, when it involves them, they want to stay with you at all costs, so they will do whatever it takes to appease you and make you comfortable. they also are very wary and do not believe everything at face value, which, in my opinion, is a good quality. they don't take "i'm fine" as it is; they need to know that you are seriously fine. they don't do insta-love either which is good because, in my experience, those are the connections where the relationship is quick to fizzle out. they search for honesty and truth in all things but even more so with a romantic partner. and you? you are as genuine as they come. one last quality i want to mention before moving on is their stability and reliability. when this person makes up their mind, their mind is unchangeable. when they commit there is no out - they are all in. they are someone very stabilizing, driven, and generous when they decide that you are the one for them. they will no doubt make you their partner in crime. they will want you with them to explore the world and to spoil.

i feel like there will be noticeable tension in your pre-relationship that will bring you guys together. it will make you both feel destabilized and make you wonder if you are doing the right thing. you might feel like you are being vulnerable unnecessarily and that the relationship will amount to nothing but that won't be the case. challenges are momentary and are meant to bring you back to where you are meant to be.

the connection will bring happiness and intense emotions, especially, because you are both willing to confront each other with honest feelings and fears. you are both assertive and focused on your goals to make a future together.

song: "i wanna be yours" by arctic monkeys

pile 2

their physicality: distinctive features, angular features, black/dark hair, chiseled look, strong chin, emotional, seductive, attractive, pale, curvaceous, and/or darker skin tone (olive, easily tans, etc).

their personality: talkative, articulate, dextrous, gossiper, eloquent, influential, spiritual, soulmate, deep, independent, constantly in motion, diplomatic, and/or mediator.

where you are likely to meet: via a friend, someone sets you guys up, at the doctor's office, therapist office, walking a dog, at the veterinarian's, doing charity, while out to eat, at a bar, at the bank, making a donation, a romantic place, and/or at the cardiologist

i sense that they have a good reputation when it comes to love. they are notably nurturing, reliable, sensual, and dependable in a partnership. they go into a connection wanting to build a strong and lasting relationship.

they love that you are always trying to improve yourself. in the past, you may have been codependent on other and you might have relied on others to make you feel happy, but when you meet them, your efforts to do the opposite will be noticeable to them. you won't have unrealistic expectations for them, in fact, when you communicate with them regarding your expectations in the connection, they will find them very doable and will respect you for being upfront with them.

this person has rather unique qualities that makes them an attractive partner. for one they are aware that their emotions and thoughts sometime cloud them from seeing the reality of a situation. they can acknowledge their stress without taking it out on you and those around them. they like to manage their mental health so they can lead a productive life, they aren't afraid of making changes to better accommodate their situation. it is important to them to implement healthy coping strategies such as journalling. journalling and talk therapy likely made them the eloquent individual they are when they meet you. another attractive quality is their humble natural - they aren't haughty people who believe they are better than those around them. in fact, they aren't afraid of questioning themselves and their abilities - they realize that they are not the only one with answers and abilities. they don't do anything impulsively, they think carefully about everything before they actually do anything. lastly, they aren't afraid to admit they need space to take care of themselves - they aren't the type of person who allow others into their space just so they can lash out at them. they are very caring even when they feel depleted. they look within to nourish themselves, so you never have to fear that they will drain your well to refill their own.

you both will be brought together after you both feel more stabilized (emotionally, mentally, monetarily, etc) and are willing to commit. while careful planning isn't the sexiest thing in a connection, the sense of stability you will find with one another after such a long time of waiting to find each other will be well worth it.

this was a match made in the heavens, in my opinion. it was simply meant to be - this is the most important connection of your lifetime and they are your soulmate without a doubt. you both will love and respect each other all your lives. when you lead with love, what else could you expect.

song: "helena" by my chemical romance

pile 3

their physicality: physically fit, bodybuilder, good looking, in shape, attractive, dark/black hair, and/or darker skin tone (olive, tan, etc).

their personality: depressive, unhappy, down, lower self-esteem, pessimist, sickly, talkative, dextrous, gossip, mediator, loyal, devoted, friends first, humble, persistent, trustworthy, dependable, and/or friendly.

where you are likely to meet: somewhere with illegal activity, IT, technology shop, via a plumber, jewelry shop, at an amusement park, on the road, in a courthouse, at a political rally, at a voting booth, a highway, at an art class, at a metaphysical shop, a psych office, at night, at the movie theater, at a night club, and new york.

i sense that they aren't overly experienced with relationships, mainly because they have been working on themselves. they have been looking for someone to build a strong relationship with. someone who matches their enthusiasm, passion, and/or intensity.

they love that you can wait for things they you really desire - you have very good restraint. you aren't afraid of adjusting and refocusing your plans and goals to fit where you are right now. you aren't easily frustrated by a lack of progress - slow and steady wins the race for you, and they adore that you have that level of determination, patience, and passion.

your partner will have some astounding traits that are kinds blowing to me as i read these cards. for one, i sense that this person is very healthy - they don't have any exes waiting in the winds for them and hoping they will come back. their exes know they just won't be back. when they are done, everyone knows that they are indeed done. change is natural and normal to them - they have no problems letting go of things and people that don't help them grow or serve them in the long run. they like things and people that have purpose and are driven. they will do whatever it takes to go into this next chapter in life with you. this person tends to focus on the past however. sometimes it is difficult for them to see the possibilities of what could be as they fear that only bad things surround them and their circumstances. but they do not wait for the world around them to change; they begin the change within. they go through it - they have been through it. they know pain and struggle which has taught them how to be gentle, caring, and how to be content. they know how to find peace and how to be grateful for what they have gained. all of this is to your benefit.

prosperity and generosity are what bring you together. that and, of course, maturity - maybe this is someone you knew earlier and life, and now you are getting a second chance with them. by being forward and clear about your intentions this connection will continue to blossom and grow.

i feel like you will be better off and happier when you keep the relationship private - there are people on both side of your relationship that are gossips and manipulation.

song: "puppet" by tyler, the creator

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nicromancytarot · 2 months

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WHAT IS YOUR STRONGEST PSYCHIC ABILITY

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD

I asked my spirit guides what your strongest psychic ability is, pick a pile and find out what they had to say.

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

Alchemy.

Alchemy is the act of turning metals into silver and gold, it was created in hopes of being able to find cures to diseases and therefore extending the longevity of life. Now obviously I’m not saying that you are able to physically turn a base metal into silver or gold, however I am saying that you mentally have the ability to turn something dull, into something great. You might find yourself to be an incredibly positive person, or perhaps you are very optimistic, this is due to your ability to fix whatever is going wrong in your life.

I am getting the message that you need to learn how to harness this ability so you can use it intentionally rather than on accident.

An example of this ability could be shown when someone is super depressed, everything’s going wrong for them in life, but all the sudden they rise like nothing even happened, they are able to turn a shitty situation into one of their greatest accomplishments, and all it takes is their mind and soul.

Extras: The Weeknd, The moon, Green, White, America, Bisexual

PILE 2

Clairaudience.

Clairaudience is the act of being able to hear things that exist in a paranormal matter. An example of this could be your own voice in your head, like a little internal narrator which is talking to you and telling you random things, perhaps they are reminding you of something you forgot, or maybe they are telling you not to do something. These voices can sometimes appear from outside of your body, you may hear them as though they are existing within the physical realm. However, do not get this confused with other mental health issues, if these voices tell you something disturbing or uncomfortable, those are not to be mistaken as an awakening or guide trying to reach you.

Now that being said, since you have the ability to hear things, you may go to a location that has unknown paranormal activity, and you could possibly hear something that no one else does, like footsteps, a scream, a screeching chair, the list goes on.

Your greatest ability is to take in those messages in which you receive, and using those to your greatest advantage to learn and understand more. This is one of the best ways to communicate with the higher beings (Spirit guides, The universe, God, etc)

Extras: Stars, James Marriott, Chicago, Boxing, Yellow, City man

PILE 3

Mediumship.

Mediumship is known for its ability to be able to see beyond the physical realm. It is greatly understood for being able to see spirits and even communicate with them. It may be that you can see those spirits clearly as if they are like real people who you can interact with. Or it could be that you see them in your minds eye, as if you can describe them, but they are just a projection of a thought that has been placed into your brain.

The ability itself is certainly one of the most interesting, you may find yourself able to beckon upon these spirits, you may feel as though they are called towards you or vice versa.

You could even have the chance to speak to and meet yours, or others higher selves, having introspective conversations with them to learn more about what you need to know for the future.

This could be something you grew up aware that you could do, or possibly something that comes to you with time. It may not appear obvious at first, perhaps it’s just shadows in the corner of yours eyes, or visual premonitions, if so, you can totally begin working on it, if that’s what you desire.

Extras: loud, Blue, Blueberry, Saturday, Molly, Beer, Madison Beer, Montell Fish

#tarot #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarot witch #free tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a pile

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saaraofthesand · 1 year

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Oda Didn’t Understand Dazai: An Opinion By Me

@catboychuuuya wanted me to elaborate on that bit in my Soukoku post about Odasaku not really understanding Dazai. I aim to please, so here I am.

Let’s begin

Part A: Buraiha Trio

Oda wasn’t necessarily a bad friend. He just didn’t really know what to do with Dazai. I actually think Ango was both a better friend toward, and had a better understanding of, Dazai (Oda pushed Dazai toward the light, but Ango was the reason he got to stay there).

Oda decided that Dazai should live in the light, but I think Ango always thought he belonged there. Like he knew that Dazai had the potential to be good.

In the prologue of the Dark Era light novel, Ango is the one truly bothered by Dazai’s apathy and suicidal tendencies. Oda has very mild reactions to all of it. Dazai is basically crying out for help, and Oda’s reactions are very indulgent (kind of “that’s nice, sweetie”).

"'Oh yeah, I created a new hot-pot recipe. Would you guys be up to trying it next time we hang out? I call it the 'superhuman stamina pot.' You can run for hours without getting tired after eating it. It’s a dream of a—'

'Not in a million years,' Ango sternly declined.

'If it keeps you from getting tired, then it might be pretty useful before a hard day's work,' I added.

'…Odasaku, that's exactly the problem right there. You're enabling Dazai. You don't speak up, and that's why he goes off the rails.'

I see. So this was what Ango meant by 'enabling' him. You learn something new every day."

Now, again, Oda was not a bad person or friend. It’s normal to joke around with your friends. But also, I think it’s pretty clear (Particularly in Storm Bringer and the Dark Era) that Dazai was genuinely struggling in the mafia. He was extremely unhappy.

Another problem with Oda is that he put Dazai on a pedestal like almost everyone else in the mafia (exceptions are Chuuya and Ango for sure).

"No matter what he did, Dazai seemed to reach heights that normal people couldn’t."

The difference between Odasaku and the rest of the mafia is that Dazai greatly admired Odasaku. He admired his belief system and resolve. That’s why I think it’s so sad that Oda didn’t really understand Dazai, because Dazai took Oda’s word as gospel.

There’s one last quote from the prologue that I want to talk about:

"We had a saying in the Port Mafia: 'The greatest misfortune for Dazai’s enemies is that they are Dazai’s enemies.' If he wanted to, he could even have a picnic in the middle of a firefight. Dazai was practically born to be in the Mafia."

This is the first case where I think it’s clear that Oda has a fundamental misunderstanding of Dazai.

Dazai was not born to be in the mafia. He was groomed to be in mafia by Mori. Mori picked him because he was an extremely intelligent, yet directionless child. I think we all spend so much time thinking of Dazai as a puppet master that we forget that he is also capable of being manipulated himself.

Dazai is eighteen during the Dark Era. Eighteen. He’s a teenager. He’s not a mastermind. He’s a lost kid in desperate need of guidance. He spent four incredibly formative years of his life suffering under Mori’s thumb (One before officially joining the mafia, three after). Odasaku was Dazai’s hope, someone he could look to instead of Mori. He wanted to be like him so badly.

Part B: Something to Live For

“Odasaku…,” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording, but—don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be something…”

Yeah, you read that right. Dazai just presented an optimistic outlook on life.

He’s speaking to someone who has just lost his main purpose in being in the mafia, taking care of those orphans. Yet, he’s begging him to find a new reason to live anyway.

Part C: Last Words

That brings me to Odasaku’s final moments.

“‘You won’t find it,’ Odasaku said in almost a whisper. Dazai stared at him. ‘You should know that. Whether you’re on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity.’”

Okay, so, Odasaku is right that Dazai won’t find purpose in the darkness, but he’s wrong about why. Dazai is not an empty person incapable of happiness. Even though Dazai thinks this means that Odasaku understood him well, we can’t forget that Dazai doesn’t really understand himself. His feelings. His mind. Dazai genuinely believes that nothing can make him happy, but he’s wrong and the consequences to Oda’s words are huge.

Now, Dazai thinks he’s a villain pretending to be hero. He thinks he’s inherently empty. WHICH IS WRONG.

Think about why Dazai went to Oda’s side in the first place. Because Oda was his friend. Dazai put his personal feelings first in that situation, and he does that more often than people tend to notice. He’s actually motivated by emotions a lot.

During Storm Bringer, Dazai basically moves Heaven and Earth to stop Verlaine and keep Chuuya in the mafia.

“‘I joined the Mafia because of an expectation I had. I thought if I was close to death and violence—close to people giving in to their urges and desires, then I would be able to see the inner nature of humankind up close. I thought if I did that…’ Dazai paused before continuing, ‘…I would be able to find something—a reason to live.’”

We have to remember who prompted Dazai to think that, Chuuya. An idea born from Dazai’s relationship to another person, not the idea itself, was what made him join the mafia.

Ranpo is definitely autistic coded, but so is Dazai. Since No Longer Human was extremely influential on BSD, and that novel has a lot of autobiographical elements in it, it makes sense that Dazai seems autistic. After reading No Longer Human myself, I really do think that Osamu Dazai (the author) was autistic. Yōzō’s (the protagonist of No Longer Human) behavior is very autistic. I mean, at one point, he describes masking verbatim.

I’m mentioning this because I think that what Dazai hopes to understand is not a reason to live itself, but other people’s motivation to live. It’s an extension of the very autistic feeling of alienation from other people. Dazai thinks there’s something wrong with him because despite caring about other people a lot, he has trouble understanding their illogical behavior. He also struggles to understand his own illogical behavior.

I also think this is why Oda struggles to understand Dazai. Because people who aren’t autistic usually struggle to understand autism. Autistic people often get profiled as ‘sociopaths’ (an outdated term that refers to Antisocial Personality Disorder) and are seen as emotionless monsters.

Dazai distances himself from other people as a defense mechanism. In his own words, “I always lose the things I don’t want to lose the most. That’s why I don’t feel anything anymore. The moment you get your hands on something worth going after, you lose it. That’s just how things are. There is nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.” I think that indicates that he cares very much about the people in his life, but that he also lives in constant fear of losing them.

Conclusion

I don’t know how well I articulated any of this (I’m neurodivergent, can you tell?), but my point is that Odasaku took a lot about Dazai at face value, instead of trying to peel back the layers and understand him as a person. He ended up dehumanizing Dazai a bit in the process.

Dazai is far from perfect, but he’s also not inhuman.

I think about this quote from Atsushi a lot, “People need to be told they’re worthy of being alive by someone else or they can’t go on.” Like, what would have happened if someone told Dazai his life was worth living even without some grand purpose?

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #no longer human #sakunosuke oda #oda sakunosuke #the dark era

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shinelikethunder · 2 years

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seriously though, it's incredible how much of my "maybe titties again?" goodwill tumblr torched in 30 seconds through obnoxious UX alone:

i am browsing around in the android app. i see a post about disabling some new content filter. this is the first I've heard of it, even though my version of the app does turn out to have it - they put it in place before adding any mechanism to let me know it's there. strike one.

i go to settings > dashboard, the place where all the settings about what you do and don't see are supposed to live. no sign of it.

i go back to the settings menu. squint at it. see an unremarkable entry near the bottom called "Content you see" that isn't highlighted or marked as new in any way (even though i can't even visit anyone's blog anymore without having to actively tap past an FYI tooltip that can't be turned off, every single time, shilling weeks-old gift features that I've already used)

...oh, that's where my custom tag and keyword filters went. no prior indication they'd even been moved!

i have a lot of filters set up. like. a LOT. i now have to scroll past every single one of them, tag AND keyword, uncollapsed and unabridged, just to see whether there's another setting hiding underneath. on mobile! even the desktop site is more polite than this, jesus

just to recap so far: the only reason i even know to look is that i saw a random post about new content settings, and i would never have bothered with all that scrolling if i weren't crusty and paranoid about sites that hide vital settings in the depths of Menu Hell. i mean, that'd be crazy, right? surely listing all those filters with no collapse is a signal there's nothing worthwhile underneath them.

oh no wait, there they are!

it's not just one toggle, it's FOUR new settings!

all of them are set to "hide everything and never even let me know it was there"

even though there is a "blur" option that would've let me know that stuff was being hidden from me without actually showing it

even though i have, in the past, gone into every iteration of the adult content settings that tumblr has ever rolled out and affirmatively ordered it to show me the titties

THEY ARE NOT TOGGLES. EACH ONE OPENS A SEPARATE MENU SCREEN. every single one of the FOUR new settings needs like 3+ taps in the android app just to put it back to normal.

does turning on the catchall "mature content" setting cause the three more specific ones to default to "show" and let me pick restrictions as needed like a goddamn adult? NOPE, i have to go into the stupid little menu for every single one

it's almost like you didn't want me to find them and, having found them, wanted to make me pay as high an annoyance tax as possible to opt out of being nannied

the dashboard banner that eventually shows up, btw, says nothing about having been voluntold for additional filtering, and also just dumps you out in the general settings menu and leaves you to fend for yourself, with no indication of where this shit is hidden or what "this shit" even is. and that's downright friendly next to the link in the announcement post that's apparently been kicking people out of the app and onto web.

this is not how you get a rightfully mistrustful userbase to be optimistic about putting scarlet letters on their own posts. this is not how you convince anyone that it's just a courtesy, not a scarlet letter, or that it won't be used to punish and stigmatize you the instant the wind shifts direction.

in the most practical here-and-now terms, this is also not how you get people to USE the new content warnings on their posts! artists, especially, are hardly gonna jump to flag anything as mature if it means every single one of their followers - regardless of age, previous adult content settings, or whether they're in Apple's walled garden or not - has just been silently opted out of ever knowing it was there. (this goes double if it requires more than one sentence to explain how to reverse it. which this new setting seems almost deliberately designed to do.)

look, i want the titties back, okay? i would be delighted if this turned out to be the first step towards bringing them back. i know Tumblr is under duress from Apple that affects how they can do whatever they're doing here. but the way it's being rolled out sucks needless ass, and if they wanted my hope and trust, well, those are easier to muster up when I'm not going in grouchy about the frustrating UX of an app that's just taken hostile action against my prior explicitly-affirmed preferences.

#hellsite (derogatory)

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zepskies · 5 months

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I found your blog a couple of days ago and ever since I‘ve been gobbling up every piece of Dean Winchester stuff you’ve ever written! 😫 Your writing is INCREDIBLE. Just wanted to say that. Thanks for putting your stuff on here so we all get to enjoy it! Hope you have a great day/night and wish you all the best for the upcoming year! ✨

Wow!! 🤩 Thank you so much, lovely! 💖💖

@soluswolf I hope you're having a great day as well! I just came home from my cousin's wedding, so I'm doing great. I'm a sap, so I love weddings. 💗

And I'm very happy that you've found me and are enjoying my stories! That truly means so much to me every time I hear it.

Because yes, I do write for my creative expression, but I do also write hoping that others in similar situations feel heard and seen, not just entertained.

Sorry, I'm a little emotional right now and am about to be effusive and thankful for a bit...

Since we're getting closer to 2024, I've been reflecting. I think I've probably written about 200,000+ words in the past year alone.

It's more than I've had the creative energy to produce in a long time, and that includes the two and a half years in grad school. (Though to be fair, one of those years was 2020 lol.)

But I genuinely don't think I would have written half as much if not for the wonderful support and feedback I've gotten on Tumblr and Ao3.

To all the amazing people I've been able to "meet" and interact with on here (shoutouts below), your kindness and encouragements have helped me — whether you knew it or not — through stress and grief and moments of apathy, and times where I didn't feel passionate about my craft.

I've also had my original book set aside for a while because I literally didn't have the mental strength to be creative. Jumping into Tumblr has revived that passion for me.

I think it's also made me a better writer (practice makes progress, after all). And for sure, it's made me richer in friends. 💕💕

Happy New Year, everyone!!

I'm going cautious but optimistic into 2024. 💫

**Special thanks to these lovely people for being so kind and inspiring to me this year:

@thatonewriter15 @chernayawidow @venus-haze @deans-spinster-witch @winchestergirl2 @waywardxwords @iprobablyshipit91 @deansbbyx @kaleldobrev @luci-in-trenchcoats @deanwritings @deanwanddamons @deanwritings @deanbrainrotwritings @deanwinchesterswitch @writeroutoftime @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @jessjad @wayward-dreamer @kazsrm67 @syrma-sensei @violetlilysunshine @k-slla @jackles010378 @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @spnwoman @spnexploration @rizlowwritessortof @pieandmonsters @spnfamily-j2 @lacilou @ladysparkles78 @mimaria420 @stoneyggirl2 @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior @justagirlinafandomworld @pink-sparkly-witch @leigh70 — and I'm sure many others. 💜💜

#ask me stuff #reader appreciation #lovely mutuals #Happy New Year!#thank you so much for everything #cautious but optimistic for 2024 #zepskies answers

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turbulentscrawl · 6 months

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Identity(V) Headcanons: Andrew Kreiss

This one is not a request, just the next in line for my general HCs! As usual, if you like my stuff, feel free to shoot me a request.

-Andrew is a very hot-and-cold person. Mostly cold. …Like 85% cold. But it’s hard to blame him when life’s given him nothing to really have faith in. Once upon a time he still believed that good people existed, but his faith just waned and waned, and that’s long been relegated to fantasy. It’s incredibly difficult to breach his hardened emotional walls now.

-He made a conscious decision to not care about others’ wellbeing years ago so he’s largely indifferent to happenings that don’t involve himself. He’s not interested in looking out for or helping people, defending or comforting them. He does his share of good when he puts them in the ground, and that ought to be enough. And if he takes them out again later…well, if souls are real they’re surely long gone, right?

-Everyone knows he’s got a nasty mouth, right? Andrew was rarely spoken to kindly when he was growing up, and he learned to take those words and turn them back on people to keep them away. If he was always going to be accused of being cursed or demonic or whathaveyou, why should he bother with decorum? He cusses regularly and has called people every cruel name under the sun at some point. The worst of it is reserved for retaliation against people who start talking shit first.

-Andrew is not a weak man. He’s tall and athletic, and he’s adept with a heavy-duty shovel. That is to say, he’s more than capable of defending himself. He strongly prefers to avoid physical confrontation, but he has spent years throwing around bodies and I can assure you it really makes no difference to him whether they still draw breath.

-When he does get along with someone, the old habits die hard. Andrew spends a lot of conversation time still tripping over his own tongue, rephrasing harsh things he says out of instinct to try and be gentler, and then getting visibly angry with himself. (He is also not great at hiding his emotions.) He’s constantly afraid that he’s going to run off the good things he has and be back to square one.

-In an effort to…make up for? Cover up? those snaps he can’t hold back, Andrew sometimes rambles for long stretches. These don’t happen in front of groups, but during one-on-one time with his loved ones. He’ll get onto some topic he’s familiar with (or not, if he’s desperate enough) and just run his mouth off like he’s trying to lure you away from a trap with a treat. He’s not above shoving an actual apology treat at people either, if one is available.

-While not always the best at communicating his thoughts, Andrew is very philosophical under the surface. He’s had a lot of alone time to think over the years, and he’s analyzed every angle he could come up with to rationalize and understand his lot. He would really enjoy having a friend or partner who is up for those deep, 2-am conversations about the meaning of life and the universe. His own views lean towards the despondent, but he’d like to hear something more optimistic too.

-Even when close with someone, Andrew doesn’t initiate many conversations. Unlike some of the other introverts in the manor, this isn’t because he’d rather be left alone but because he secretly likes when they seek him out. You coming to him is a very simple reminder that his company is enjoyable and desired.

-The best Love Language for Andrew is probably Quality Time. He would like any of them if it came from someone he genuinely learned to love and trust, but Quality Time is what you’d need to reach that cherished place in his heart. Andrew acts prickly as a defense mechanism, and he needs someone who’s willing to endure his snappiness and show him they wouldn’t prefer to spend their time and energy on someone else.

-Andrew is the type to admire things silently. He gives compliments very sparingly, so when he does give them you know he really means it.

-He is plagued by back and shoulder pains. It’s mostly from his profession, standing hunched over for hours on end, and it’s affected even his resting posture now. He doesn’t just curl in on himself as an anxiety thing, he is sore. Can the Baron please invite a chiropractor next? A masseuse? …Yoga instructor?

-He’s mostly nocturnal at this point. (The manor’s scheduling has messed that up, though.) It’s not just sun-sensitivity, but that he usually worked after sundown when people wouldn’t be around the graveyard to see him.

-He loves a good homecooked meal! The best foods are the ones prepared by someone who loves you, so he’d choose a mediocre dish at home to the fanciest restaurants in the world.

#idv x reader #identity v #identity v x reader #andrew kreiss #idv gravekeeper #andrew kreiss x reader #turbulentscrawl

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tanadrin · 4 months

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"fairly suicidal" anon again. This kind of got away from me and ended up significantly longer than intended. Apologies for that, and if it's too long/involved/whatever to read that's genuinely totally fine. (Which is to say: please do not think you have some kind of obligation or I will be Extra Suicidal if you don't respond or whatever. I've got at least a couple more years or one more massive life-wrecking trauma left in me.)

I think your response is pretty typical of people who are, at baseline, pretty happy and optimistic, and I'm sure there are people who haven't heard its like before and would benefit from it, but.... let's be honest that's kind of a generic autocomplete response, and in my experience it tends to come from people who can't or don't really model serious depression well. My model of the perspective you are coming from is something like: It would be terrible for the things I'm saying to be true, and they don't feel true to you, so surely they must not be true for anyone-- you don't want the world to be one where those things are true, and sometimes they are untrue, so, therefore, they're probably untrue basically all the time forever. Unfortunately. I'm aware that 40 years is a decent length of time. I'm aware that my perspective is fallible and limited-- this is the primary reason why I haven't seriously tried to kill myself!. However, looking at how the past 30+ years have gone does not fill me with optimism. In particular the past 15 or so years, where I've technically had the most autonomy, I just kind of... barely existed. I am still trying things to get out of the hole but this really could easily just continue until I die. It is an extremely possible outcome that I spend my entire life wishing it was either worth living or over already, and eventually it reaches "over already." I kept expecting that I'd surely snap out of it eventually, year after year, no one can spend that long in this kind of state, right? And then 15 years passed and I simply did not. It is not unrealistic to believe that that could happen 3 more times.

"Every day you are alive in the world, you have the opportunity to find pleasure" rings really hollow when my physiological capacity to experience pleasure and happiness is extremely minimal and has been tangibly shrinking for as long as I've been a conscious human being. It feels tone-deaf. I know what my baseline looks like. It is not good. If I was guaranteed to die tomorrow, then having lived my life will have unequivocally been worse for me than not having lived it at all, and it will have been objectively a mistake that I didn't pull the plug when I was 12 and first having suicidal thoughts.

If, upon turning 80, I figured out how to have a life that was just barely worth living, and then died a year later, that does not actually undo the years of unhappiness before that, and that is still a life that was, on net, not worth living.

My impression is that people coming from your perspective have brains that just fully shut down when considering this prospect-- that you fall into the trap where you believe that even one second of a-life-worth-living is worth any amount of suffering endured to get to that point. It might help to imagine a person who experiences one single year of a life worth living, followed by 80 years of a life full of incredible misery, and then dies.

The me who exists now matters; the hypothetical-unlikely-certainly-not-guaranteed future version of myself who is marginally glad they exist doesn't just automatically get to trump all of that just because that's sad to think about.

Yes, there is no one life "track" but there certainly are circumstances more or less prone to granting happiness-predicting things like enough money to live on, autonomy, fulfillment, etc. Again, there is no rule saying this current status of being perpetually unable to get my feet under me has to end. I have spent the actual majority of my life like this.

Being unable to get a job that pays enough to live on without also making me want to die (more) does in fact hinge pretty strongly on being able to get that special insanely expensive little piece of paper. It is the cost of entry for the vast majority of non-horrible jobs, that is just what the system looks like in the US. (please do not tell me "oh just learn to code!" If I was capable of doing that I would have done it). The material conditions of my life obviously aren't that bad in objective terms given that I'm capable of using my time to send messages on the internet (if they were much worse I would have pulled the plug years ago) so it feels meaningful that I still manage to be so miserable despite that, and plausible that improving them would not help even if it were possible.

There just... there is actually such a thing as a downward spiral where the baseline becomes worse and incremental improvements become progressively harder and more fleeting, as much as it is sad to think about. Sometimes you accumulate damage and get both farther from your goal and worse at making progress towards it, and it just keeps happening. The brain is a physical object that can, sometimes, Just Get Worse. One instance of trauma can make it harder to recover from the next instance of trauma that comes along, and so on. I am still trying, clearly, and I'm clinging to the idea that lots of weird unexpected stuff can happen, but "just hope for a miracle to happen such that these patterns completely reverse against all odds" is... at minimum that's a huge ask. Please recognize it for what it is.

I'm not really looking for answers or anything here (I wasn't before either tbc, I just thought it was interesting how different my opinion apparently was compared with other extremely depressed people), but I tend to really chafe at what feels like clueless forced positivity from people who Really Don't Seem To Get It, and I hope this information will, idk, provide a potentially novel perspective. Or maybe it won't! Sorry again that it was so long.

i've spent a big chunk of my life dealing with depression. i know it pretty well actually. and if i've won any insight from that, it's that in depression we very often exactly misconstrue the causal axis of our thoughts. we think things like, "i am worthless -> therefore i am depressed." but our feelings shape how we think about ourselves and the world; even things which seem like incontrovertible and inarguably facts turn out to be a product of our rumination: "i was depressed -> therefore i felt worthless."

i know this feels like a platitude. i know when you are depressed saying something like "nobody is worthless" or "it's never too late" feels like somebody blowing rainbows up your ass, some hippy dippy shit that doesn't mean anything. but as someone who has frequently felt worthless, and has frequently felt that they have fucked up their life beyond repair, who has seen other people going through it and come out the other side, i'm telling you: as a matter of both personal experience and accumulated knowledge about the world, "nobody is worthless" and "it is never too late" is not a platitude. it is a rational, reasoned judgement i have been won over to, and which i am totally convinced of. i offer it, not as a panacaea (we cannot reason ourselves or be cajoled out of depression; the thoughts are subsequent to the feelings!), but as (hopefully) the very mildest of analgesics.

i'm not a negative utilitarian. i don't think you can take all the bad and good things that happen to a person, assign them a numerical score, and subtract one from the other to determine whether their life was worth it after all. reading about rare medical abnormalities on wikipedia is itself sufficient to convince one there are certainly short lives full of nothing but pain. and observing people dying of degenerative diseases is enough to why there are points at which people make the rational decision not to continue living. but i also know that there are people who have convinced themselves their life is not worth living, because the pain of allowing themselves to be hopeful again, only to have to deal with crushing disappointment, makes it more reassuring to abandon hope altogether. and i have known people so trapped in the teeth of their suffering, they are unable even to do the one thing that may bring them some relief, until they make the conscious choice to believe that that feeling of despair is not in fact a reliable guide to truth.

we prefer certainty to hope; the sure knowledge we are doomed is often cognitively a lighter load than the uncertain possibility of future happiness. but i think it's worth it to keep hope alive. not because i am a sunny optimist who has never felt miserable, but because i have lost days, weeks, months, years to the blackest despair. i have spent many an hour carefully ruminating on the very clear and inarguably true things that made me feel that way, carefully laying out why life was not worth living and maybe never would be, specifically debunking all the bullshit people told me to try to counsel me out of my depression. and that feeling that was ironclad certainty in my mind at the time is, looking back, like a fading mirage. one should always at least consider the possibility that what feels to us like an immutable truth of our life is less substantial than it seems.

#nobody who knows me irl would accuse me of being at baseline 'happy and optimistic'#so i found that characterization pretty funny

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kamil-a · 3 months

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if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

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🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

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🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

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🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

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🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

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🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

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🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

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🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

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🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

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contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

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🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

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🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

#BIG THANKS 2 FWIENDS the thoughts n ideas of lea oz gracie and jay are stewing in here #most directly that i remember speaker water is directly from jay; the post by url tycho is a reword of leas dm #sayer podcast #sayerposting #this is just yuri of absence 2 huh #note that pov you follow speaker #and 1 other user just so u could see their response in the thread lol. and also user tycho. <3 #fun fact most note counts were done by closing eyes picking random numbers #tho the more general amounts were decided purposely #ok i need to stop explaining or we'll be here forever. enjoyyyy

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the-desolated-quill · 4 days

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Let’s talk Doctor Who, shall we?

I absolutely adore Space Babies. I know a lot of people weren’t very keen on this episode and they’re entitled to their opinion, even if it’s objectively wrong. I’m sorry, but I had a lot of fun with this episode. It’s silly, light hearted, optimistic, and a perfect showcase for Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson. I absolutely adore the Doctor and Ruby together and this is the perfect episode for them. They bounce off each other so well and their enthusiasm and excitement is infectious. I did feel the episode was a bit rushed. I feel like this could have benefitted from being 60 minutes just to give it some room to breathe, but overall I really enjoyed Space Babies and I am prepared to die on this hill and defend it. This was a great episode. Come at me bro.

And if you think that’s controversial, get this. The Devil’s Chord? Not a fan. I didn’t hate it. It’s certainly not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think the marketing and press were very misleading when promoting this episode. I was led to believe this would be a musical episode and it isn’t. Well… it is and it isn’t. The episode is about music and music features heavily in the plot, but they’re not singing and dancing all the way through or anything like that. There are things I like. Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson are still perfect. I LOVE Jinkx Monsoon. I don’t watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race so this was my first exposure to her and she was incredible as the villain Maestro. The way she’s able to go from laugh out loud camp to genuinely menacing in the space of a few seconds is really impressive, and she commands the screen whenever she’s on it. And I did like the concept of Maestro and how they use music and sound as a weapon. I thought it was very inventive and creative. The problem is I don’t fully understand Maestro’s plan, and I think people are so caught up with how good Jinkx Monsoon is that it has distracted them from the fact that the plot has more holes it than a colander. So Maestro feeds on unsung songs, and music is no longer a thing post-1920s thanks to them. Except Abbey Road still exists and the Beatles and Cilla Black are still performing songs. Not very good songs, but still songs. Who’s buying those songs if music is no longer a thing? Why isn’t Maestro interested in those songs? What makes a song worth feasting upon? What is it Maestro is actually eating? Their talent? Their potential? Except that can’t be it because later they’re talking about feasting on “the song of a nuclear winter”. Okay so now I’m really confused. What makes a nuclear winter better for Maestro than a bad song about a dog? Surely music is music regardless of whether it’s good or bad, right? In fact why even bother with music at all if any sounds will do? The whole thing becomes too broad and too abstract, and if the motivations are ill-defined, then the threat becomes ill-defined, and toward the end I honestly didn’t have a clue what was going on or what Maestro’s ultimate goal was. Honestly the whole thing felt a bit pretentious and self absorbed. Call me a cultural philistine, but I’ll take an episode about talking babies and snot monsters over this any day of the week.

#space babies #the devil’s chord #doctor who #bbc

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melodyfsoul1 · 6 months

Text

Sth I find interesting after watching the Loki Series Finale, and seeing everyone's reactions to it, is that you can immediately tell what someone's priorities were for the ending (ships aside)

Because depending on what your priorities for the Story or Loki as a Character were, people are either really hyped / optimistic for the future ... or just really freaking depressed right now.

Like on the positive side we have Loki:

- finally finding his "Glorious Purpose", his place in... well "outside" the world/ universe, becoming an even greater being, while his story comes full circle

- reaching his full potential, unlocking new powers, new magic, and being the God of Stories

- becoming one of the most powerful beings in the MCU, and hey maybe he's even able to travel freely through time now and not trapped at the space outside of time

- creating Yggdrasil and protecting it, and by that, saving his friends and the Multiverse, being a true hero

__________

But then on the other side we have the more pessimistic view of Loki:

- finding his "Glorious" Purpose, taking over the burden of a throne he realized he never wanted, but doing it because it was the only option he saw to save his friends and the multiverse ( though I wouldnt even call it a choice, he just resigned himself to accept it because the other options where helping the current HWR, killing Sylvie, risking a universal war or death by spaghettification....)

- making the ultimate sacrifice by chosing to "give everyone else a chance at life" over his own needs, his own future, his desire to be with his friends...

- now having the huge responsible of keeping the multiverse alive & intact for all eternity

And do we even know if he can travel freely through time? (I hope so), but how much power does it take him? What if protecting Yggdrasil means he cant leave the space outside time? That would mean he is trapped there, for all eternity, alone, having to watch over his friends without actually being able to interact with them. He will be able to see that they are okay (hopefully), but he will never be a part of their lives again.... Loki, the very character who explicitely said he doesnt want to be alone...

So depending on how you view it, the ending was either really epic, with Loki getting several upgrades and creating a new era for the MCU

Somewhere between bittersweet and incredibly dreadfully tragic with Loki making the ultimate sacrifice, losing everything he just worked so hard to keep (after all the struggles of his original timeline too with Thanos) with Loki probably never being part of any of their stories again, damned to eternal loneliness.

(I'm personally more the 2nd type... I do get the others point of view, it was epic and Loki unlocking his true potential as the God of Stories is insane, GOS Loki is one of my faves in the comics. And my GOD the imagery of Yggdrasil was freaking gorgeous.

But... my main priority was "Loki, for ONCE, getting a chance at life, to be himself, live, with his new found friends/ family at his side..." so you can guess how freaking sad I am over the ending... hell I dont even care about the ships, I just didnt want him to be alone... I just wanted him to have a friend...

Its like, no matter what or where, whether its the OG Timeline Loki, or L1130 or even in the comics... Loki is meant to be a sacrifice for the "greater good" or to suffer trying change or even help, like he did in the comics as Kid Loki and Agent of Asgard.

That being said, I still cling to the hope that Loki can either freely travel through time now or somehow find a way to get in contact with his friends again... of them finding a way to get to him... please, Marvel, I need a Loki who is allowed to be happy, he certainly deserves it.

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ask-shane · 5 months

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this has already probably been asked, but what's yor opinion on the other bachelors and bachelorettes in town? (you don't have to do ALL of them! just do a few if you want!!)

i'm not one to usually talk aloud about my neighbors, but let's give this a shot. for all intents and purposes.

might as well go through the whole list while we're at it. and hey, just a fair warning: my opinion is always subject to change. i'm just speaking based on what i know for now.

alright. prepare for some blabbing. if you're not interested, there's your cue to bounce.

alex: alex is complicated. he's a little self-absorbed. and arrogant. but he's also not as mean as he seems. he just has this whole "bad boy" image he likes to put on for whatever reason. at his core, i think he's actually a pretty nice guy. we both like gridball and can chat over that so i can't really complain too much. sebastian: i hardly see this guy around. maybe during town festivals or at the saloon playing pool, yeah, but i can count on my fingers the amount of times we've talked one on one. it's possible he's just not much of a talker. i can't figure out if he's reserved or just doesn't have a lot to say. dude's doing his own thing most of the time and that's fine by me. elliott: his speech and outlook on life can come off as kinda pretentious or egotistical, though to be fair... if i were him, i'd be the same way. he's done well for himself. he's a little hard to catch since he never leaves the house, but if you get him talking about books, his passion is pretty admirable. it's just hard to connect with him because he always seems to have this "mysterious elusive writer" image up.

sam: i don't mind this guy, actually. he's my co-worker too which i guess is a good thing. he's laid-back and doesn't sweat the little stuff. super easy going, just wants to chill out and have a good time... we're not close buddies or anything, but from our short break room chats, it's clear he's pretty passionate about music. almost reminds me of myself when i was younger. he's got a good head on his shoulders. harvey: what can i say? he saved my life when i was at my lowest. i've got a lot of respect for the work he does and for taking me in that night. sure, he's dorky, but he's way smarter than i could ever dream of being, so who am i to judge? he's like the dream kid every parent wishes theirs could be. hope the guy's not overworking himself. knowing him though, he probably is... emily: she's one of the closer friends i have in this shitty town. she's been incredibly optimistic for as long as i've known her and normally that'd piss me off, but i actually find her tolerable. maybe it's the way she accepted me and stayed kind even when i was being a piece of shit. i gotta appreciate her for that.

abigail: i know she's pierre's daughter and that's about where my knowledge stops. like sebastian, i hardly ever see her, let alone find a reason to chat. she's a mystery to me. i do wonder if she has any hard feeling towards me, considering my job at joja right across from her dad's store. knowing the trouble that corporation's caused them, i'm not sure i'd forgive me either. hopefully she gets that it's not my call though.

haley: i never thought i'd say this out loud, but she's kind of the stereotype for spoiled city girl. she thinks she's all that and you just get the sense that she thinks she's better than you. she probably sees me as nothing more than dirt beneath her shoes for all i know. although honestly, i think it's just a defense mechanism for some deeper insecurity. i can see right through that.

penny: she's jas's teacher and also the only teacher for the kids in town. that's gotta be a handful. thankfully it seems like she really loves what she does. i have a feeling she just wants to do the right thing, which is hard to find in people these days. she also has to deal with pam's alcoholic instability at home but never gives up or lets herself become hopeless and i admire her for that. good for her.

maru: while i don't know her personally, i know she's accomplished. from what i've seen and heard from her proud dad, they work together on science research projects and whatnot. with a strong support system like hers she's set up for a future making headlines as an astronomer or something like that. she strikes me as someone who struggles to take things easy but that's pretty normal for goal-oriented people. i don't have much to say about her aside from that. leah: she's my neighbor, if you can even call it that. every time i see her art in the town square, i've gotta admit, it gets a nod of approval from me. i try not to knock other people's art, but every now and then i see these abstract pieces going for a million g that make me think i could've made them at home for a buck or two. so i gotta hand it to her. her craft is impressive.

#ask-shane 🐓#long post

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m1ckeyb3rry · 9 months

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Hurricanes / Hummingbirds: I

Series Synopsis: As the years go by, you find that it is incredibly difficult to survive wars and fight storms, especially when the only thing you have by way of a cursed technique is the blessing of a tiny bird.

Chapter Synopsis: You meet your new classmates at Tokyo Jujutsu Tech.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Hajime Kashimo x Female Reader; slight Kento Nanami x Female Reader; slight Satoru Gojo x Female Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.6k

Content Warnings: swearing, enemies/rivals to lovers, character death, canon-typical violence, angst, gore, original characters included

A/N: i become obsessed with kashimo -> i discover there is no content for him -> i write my own fic -> he doesn't even show up until like chapter 8. go figure.

“They say I was born with a hummingbird in place of my heart,” you said, staring at the ground and clasping your hand over your chest. “But that’s not possible, of course.”

“Certainly not.” The man you were speaking to was tall and stocky, with close-cropped hair and the sort of aged, lined face that made him seem exhausted beyond his years. The pursing of his lips was the only deviation from a normal expression he deigned to show, his dark eyes trained on you kept carefully blank, his forehead smooth from any unnatural furrows.

“Well. At any rate, that's what they believed, so that’s why they sent me here,” you said.

“Do you have a cursed technique?” he said. He was a blunt person, this man, evidently seeing no purpose in dancing around subjects and instead preferring to get straight to the point. You shrugged in response.

“I wouldn’t know,” you said.

“That means you likely don’t,” he said, clicking his tongue in disappointment and then crossing his burly forearms across his wide chest. The man was built like a mountain, and you felt so fragile in front of him, as if he could smash you with one step. “At least you can see those ghastly little things.”

“Yes,” you said, pleased to have done at least this one thing right. “Yes, I can!”

“Very good. Then there should be no issues with you enrolling,” he said. “There’s two other first years; you should get along with them well enough.”

“Only two?” you said before you could stop yourself. “Isn’t that — I mean, I’d heard that Japan was the seat of cursed energy, so shouldn’t there be more?”

The man snorted. “You’re an optimistic girl. Sorcerers are a minority no matter where in the world you are. There really are only two. Three, if you’re counted.”

“I see,” you said. “And, um, will you be my teacher?”

“Next year,” he said, his hand roughly thumping down on your shoulder in what was likely meant to be a comforting gesture. “For now, you’re stuck with Hinode.”

“Hinode?” you said. The man let out a long-suffering sigh.

“Kaito Hinode, that insufferable being. He’s the first-year teacher for Tokyo,” he said.

“Oh,” you said. Though you barely knew the man, you had been hoping for the sense of familiarity he would bring. Alone in a place where you recognized no one, at least the man would be someone you could look to as a sort of constant, a variable you somewhat understood. “Thank you…?”

His eyes widened. “Ah. I forgot to introduce myself; forgive me, it’s only that I knew your name already, so I assumed you would know mine. Of course, you’d have no reason to, and I don’t blame you for being confused. I am Masamichi Yaga, the second-year teacher at Tokyo Jujutsu Tech.”

“Thank you, then, Yaga, sir,” you said, swallowing and bowing your head. “I am very grateful for all of the help you’ve given me.”

“It wasn’t ‘help.’ I was just doing my job,” he said. “The higher ups sent me to get you, so you can thank them.”

“Why did they go to such lengths for me?” you said. He actually laughed at the question, and you were sufficiently put-out by his amusement.

“It wasn’t because they particularly cared about you. They’re just desperate for fresh blood. More bodies in the eternal war against curses, you see?” he said.

“That makes sense,” you allowed. After all, if you only had two other classmates, then certainly there was a dearth of people who had the aptitude for sorcery, meaning the higher ups would naturally do as much as they could to foster any available talent, no matter how meager.

“Don’t take it to heart,” Yaga said. “That’s how it is in this world. Anyways, I’ll show you to your dorm room and you can unpack your things. One of your peers will come by tomorrow morning to take you to your classes.”

“Thank you, sir,” you said. He gave you a look out of the corner of his eye as you began to walk.

“You are surprisingly grateful for a girl yanked out of a spoiled life and thrown into a world full of monsters,” he said.

“A spoiled life?” you said. “I guess it could seem that way.”

“Was it not?” he said. You thought back to your time at home, and you frowned slightly, ducking closer to Yaga’s shadow to conceal yourself.

“It was fine. They treated me as well as they knew how to,” you said. Yaga’s severe features softened almost imperceptibly, and he slowed so that you could keep up with him easily.

“That’s the most we can ask for, isn’t it?” he said. Despite his words, you could sense the distaste rolling off of him in waves, wrapping around you like a thorny blanket warding off the old thoughts. Your frown slipped away, replaced with a small smile at the fact that there was even just this one person in the world who cared about what had happened to you.

Your room was small and neat, but it was your own, which made it more than enough. You didn’t have very many possessions, so unpacking your things and hanging up your few photographs did not take very long. There were uniforms already hanging in your closet, the fabrics of which were smooth and liquidy under your fingers, all of them dark-colored like shadows and likely already tailored to fit you.

You thought it might take a while for you to fall asleep, but almost as soon as your cheek touched against the cool silk of your pillowcase, the sun was rising in the east once more. The thought of staying in your bed was tempting, but any pleasure you’d derive from lazing about would likely be canceled out by the shame of one of your new classmates catching you in such a position. So, with a heavy yawn that sent blood rushing to your head, you kicked your blankets off of your legs and resolved to get ready for the day.

The bleary daylight struggling through the curtains was just enough for you to see by, so you did not bother with switching the lamps on — anyways, the dimness was better for your eyes to adjust to. If you had to feel around a little bit, well, that was the price you would pay for comfort.

The daily tasks of washing your face and brushing your teeth and fiddling with your hair were a comfortable routine that you were able to settle into rather mindlessly. Whether here or at home, the act of putting toothpaste on a brush was the same, and you were lulled into a state of relaxation as you milled about, even humming to yourself in a rare fit of joy.

By the time there was a knock on your door, you were completely ready and sitting at your desk, writing a letter you would likely never send. You sprang to your feet and straightened your clothes one last time before opening it, trying your best to seem composed despite your curiosity about who had come to get you.

He was the most dour looking boy you had ever seen in all of your years of living, his very posture radiating exhaustion and gloom. There were heavy bags under his brown eyes, and his blond hair fell limply in his face, parted neatly above his left eyebrow though it was. Though upon closer inspection he really did seem to be your age, some quality of his made it appear as though he was eons your elder. Perhaps it was the permanent scowl, or perhaps the disheartened hunch of his shoulders, as if he were burdened by the weight of many centuries.

“I’m Kento Nanami,” he said. His voice was a dull, deep monotone, exactly what you had expected from him. “Hinode told me to pick you up. You’re the new first year?”

“Yes,” you said, offering him your hand to shake. He raised an eyebrow but took it without hesitation, his grip firm and assured. “Y/N L/N. Oh, I know it’s polite to refer to people by their last names here, but I’d prefer if you just called me Y/N. It’s what I’m used to, you see, since that’s how it’s done where I’m from.”

“Sure,” he said. “As long as you continue to call me Nanami.”

“Yes, I will definitely do that,” you said, having already planned on doing so and seeing no point in irritating him on your first meeting. He seemed to be the stricter sort, a very by-the-book sort of person, and if he really was to be one of your only two classmates, then it would not do for him to think you a boor upon first impressions.

“Thanks,” he said. “Did you eat breakfast? No? You wouldn’t have. We’ll be late for class if we stop by the dining hall, so…here, have this.”

He fished a granola bar out of his pocket and handed it to you delicately. It was lumpy and misshapen, but the wrapper was intact if not wrinkled, so with a shrug, you ripped it open and took a bite.

“Thank you,” you said once you had finished the entire thing and your hunger had been staved off for the moment. “You didn’t have to give that to me.”

He gave you an odd look. “It was a mushed up granola bar from my pocket. I don’t know how much gratitude it really warrants, but I guess you’re welcome?”

“I would’ve been hungry until lunch without it,” you explained. “So I’d say it warrants at least a little gratitude.”

Nanami wilted, his already glum countenance greying even more at your words. You furrowed your brow, hoping you had not offended him, but all he did was open the black bag he was carrying and produce a sandwich for you.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “You can have it.”

“Ah, what is that?” you said.

“A sandwich? Do they not have those where you’re from?” he said.

“Of course they have sandwiches where I’m from. I mean, why are you giving it to me?” you said. He pouted and looked away.

“I thought you’d be a lot more annoying,” he said. “But I guess you’re pretty nice. Sorry for not getting you early enough for you to be able to have breakfast.”

“It’s alright,” you said. “Is this yours? I don’t want to take it if you’ll be hungry without it.”

“No, it’s actually something one of the older students made for me,” he said, rubbing the back of the neck. “I don’t really trust him, though, so I wasn’t really planning on eating it.”

“So you gave it to me?” you said with a snort. You hadn’t tasted anything strange in the sandwich, so you didn’t feel alarmed in continuing to eat it, but it remained that there was some humor in Nanami not trusting the sandwich enough to eat yet letting you do so without remorse.

“It’s not like that!” he said. “Er, well, you see, it’s not that the older student would do anything bad to the sandwich — rather, he would think that me eating it would amount to a declaration of friendship, and as I’ve vowed to stay far away from him, that’d be somewhat inconvenient.”

“I get it,” you said. “Is this older student some kind of a criminal?”

“No,” Nanami said.

“A bully?”

“Hm, not necessarily. At least, he’s never seriously cruel, though he does joke around quite a bit.”

“Um…exceptionally stupid?”

“He’s decently smart.”

“Then why do you dislike him so much?” you said, completely befuddled now. Nanami scowled fiercely, crossing his arms and sticking his nose haughtily in the air.

“He’s fucking annoying, that’s why!” he said, and though by all rights he should’ve sounded whiny just then, his voice remained at that same blank pitch. “He might be strong, but don’t be fooled, Y/N, he and that best friend of his are so incredibly immature it’s actually laughable. You’d do well to stay away from them.”

“I will try my best,” you said. You were all but forced to trust Nanami on this one, since you didn’t know anyone else who could confirm or deny his opinion, but you weren’t too disappointed by that. He seemed to be the unbiased sort, and despite the fact that he had almost made you survive the entire morning on nothing more than a single granola bar, you sensed you could trust him a little. “Though the sandwich was admittedly really very good.”

“Don’t tell him you think so,” Nanami warned you. “He’s that kind of guy.”

“Hm?” you said. “What kind of guy?”

“The kind that’s good at everything without trying and consequently has an ego the size of Tokyo,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to imagine what he’d be like if he heard that you liked his cooking.”

“I’ll pretend like I thought the sandwich was horrible should we meet,” you promised.

“Smart plan,” he said, pausing as you reached the entrance to a classroom and giving you an intense stare. It was almost frightening, seeing the lifeless Nanami glare at you, and you shrank back. “Listen. Our teacher, he’s a little strange, alright? So just — just ignore it. He’s as strong as he is ridiculous, so if you know what’s good for you, you’ll go along with whatever he says!”

“Um, okay,” you said, all sorts of thoughts brewing in your mind. What manner of person could prompt such a reaction from Nanami? Was your teacher a sadist? Did he really enjoy torturing his poor students? Should you be afraid? Even Yaga had called him an insufferable being, so maybe you’d do well to be cautious.

There were two people in the room. One was a dark haired boy with large, innocent brown eyes sitting at a desk and cheering on the other, who was chugging a bottle neatly labelled bleach. The man drinking had curly black hair and thick brows, which were furrowed over beetle-bright eyes. With a satisfied sigh, he slammed the bottle on the desk, leading the boy to whoop in excitement.

“Congratulations, Hinode, sir! That’s a new record!” he said. Hinode — as in your teacher, Kaito Hinode — high-fived the boy, the smack resounding through the room like thunder. Nanami scoffed under his breath at the display, quiet enough that only you could hear, and then he cleared his throat.

“Hinode, sir, I’ve brought the new student. Her name is Y/N L/N,” he said. Hinode and the other boy turned to look at you and Nanami before turning back to one another and squealing in unison.

“Aww! Nanami is with a woman!”

“Aren’t they sweet together, Haibara? Aren’t they?”

“Yes, yes!”

“What are they talking about?” you said. Nanami rolled his eyes.

“You can just feel free to pretend like they’re not talking at all. You’ll find it a lot easier to respect Hinode if you do,” he said.

“By the way, was he really drinking bleach earlier?” you said, motioning towards the now-empty bottle. Nanami slapped his palm against his forehead.

“He’s like an alcoholic,” he said. “Hinode, sir, you should stop drinking so much. You don’t need any excess cursed energy right now, so what was the reason for wasting perfectly good bleach like that?”

“I’ll have you know that Haibara here was timing me to see how fast I could drain the bottle,” he said. “The faster I can drink on missions, the faster I can react, right? So it’s for research purposes!”

“Sure,” Nanami said. “Whatever you say, sir. Now, you really should introduce yourself to Y/N before continuing to scare her.”

“Right! Y/N, my name is Kaito Hinode and I’ll be your teacher while you’re a first year at the Tokyo campus of Jujutsu Tech. My cursed technique involves drinking poison to boost my cursed energy reserves, which is why I was drinking that bleach just now,” he said.

“Oh, alright,” you said, relieved that he wasn’t the sort of person to just drink bleach for the humor of it.

“And I’m Yu Haibara! I’m your other classmate!” the boy said.

“It’s nice to meet you, Haibara. Please call me Y/N,” you said. He saluted.

“Will do! And it’s nice to meet you as well. I’m so excited to have another classmate!” he said. His cheer was contagious, and you could not help but beam, matching his energy with some of your own.

“Do the both of you have innate techniques?” you said. After hearing about Hinode’s technique, you were invested in learning more about the different ways that sorcery could manifest in a person, and there was no better place to start than the two boys you would spend the next few years learning with.

“I do,” Nanami said. “I forcibly create a weak spot at the ratio point of seven and three.”

You blinked. “Huh?”

“It’s relatively simple,” he said, picking up a piece of chalk and drawing something faintly resembling a whale before dividing it up into ten equal pieces and circling one of the divisions. “See this? Seven and three. If I strike at this spot, the effects are devastating.”

“It’s much easier to see it drawn out compared to when you explained it with words,” you admitted sheepishly. He did not quite smile, but the corners of his mouth twitched upwards in approval.

“I don’t have a technique,” Haibara said with a dramatic sigh. “I just reinforce my body with cursed energy and fight hand to hand. It works well enough.”

“More than well enough, since you’ve made it so far,” Hinode said. “I won’t have any of my pupils putting themselves down — you’re definitely not weak just because you lack a technique.”

“That’s true, sir, thank you. What about you, Y/N? Do you have a technique?” Haibara said. You shrugged and then shook your head.

“I don’t think I do, which, according to Yaga, means I don’t. We’re similar in that sense, Haibara,” you said. Hinode squinted at you incredulously.

“Did he really tell you you don’t have a technique?” he said. “It’s obvious you do.”

“Really?” you said. Though you had not been sad about lacking an innate technique, it was nice to hear that Hinode believed you had one. Like a validation, almost, a proof that there was a reason you had been sent to learn sorcery.

“Hummingbird’s Blessing,” he said. “It’s only manifested once in recorded history, and even that was centuries ago, so I don’t blame him for not recognizing it, but it is a technique.”

“How do you know about it, then?” you said. Hinode winced.

“You’ll think I’m a nerd, but the truth is that drinking poison enhances my perception and my memory, both of which came into play in this. One: I had just read a book about extinct techniques the other day, and Hummingbird’s Blessing was briefly mentioned in it. Two: my temporarily enhanced senses allowed me to see the signs of your technique relatively quickly,” he said.

“I guess that checks out,” you said. “What does Hummingbird’s Blessing do? Is it a good technique?”

Hinode pursed his lips. “Well, uh…the book just said that it allows you to borrow the strength of the hummingbird.”

“What does that mean? It’s not like hummingbirds are particularly strong. Actually, I’d even go so far as to call them weak,” you said.

“Right,” Hinode said awkwardly. “It’s okay! Plenty of people with substandard techniques learn to use things like cursed tools to make up for their shortcomings. For example, there’s a sorcerer named Mei Mei who’s so fearsome with just her battle axe that she rarely even uses her technique when fighting, and she’s still one of the strongest sorcerers in the current era.”

“Yeah, plus don’t forget about Kusakabe!” Haibara chimed in. “He doesn’t even have an innate technique, but he’s going to become a grade one sorcerer soon. It’s possible to be strong without having a special grade technique.”

“Exactly,” Hinode said.

“I guess it’s better than having nothing at all,” you said.

“That’s the spirit,” Nanami said boredly, though this was likely easier for him to say as he had an actually effective technique and therefore would not have to work as hard as you and Haibara would to be strong.

“Say! Let’s let that be our first lesson, then,” Hinode said. He must’ve picked up on the way your hopes had surged and then been quashed, and was now doing whatever he could to cheer you up. “Come on, you three. Let’s go to the cursed tools warehouse.”

“Ugh,” Nanami said. “What a hike.”

“Y/N can’t start training if she doesn’t have a weapon of her own,” Hinode explained.

“Do you think I can stock up on stuff, too?” Haibara said, already ten steps ahead of the rest of you. “I know I prefer my fists, but still, it would be good to have a dagger or two at hand, don’t you think? Right, right, Hinode, sir?”

“Yes, sure, if you find something you like and which the Big Three Sorcerer Families won’t throw a fit over you taking, you can have it,” Hinode said. Haibara pumped his fist in the air.

“Alright! Y/N, this is going to be so fun. Think of it like a huge shopping trip!” he said, waiting for you to catch up to him and then throwing a companionable arm around your shoulder.

“I’m very excited,” you said genuinely. “Say, what did Hinode mean when he said you couldn’t take anything that the Big Three Sorcerer Families would be upset about? Who are they?”

“I forgot you weren’t from around here, so of course you wouldn’t know who they are,” Haibara said, his arm dropping back to his side as he frowned in thought. “They run jujutsu society, essentially. Gojo, Kamo, and Zenin: they’re the most powerful, both in terms of technique and influence, so what they say goes. Most of the cursed tools in the warehouse were found by them, so they belong to them until a sorcerer comes along to use them.”

“They’re fine with random people using their weapons?” you said. “If I was that powerful, I wouldn’t want anyone touching my stuff.”

Haibara chuckled. “You underestimate quite how much ‘stuff’ they’ve got stockpiled. Most of the tools never see the light of the day, even with sorcerers combing through the warehouse at leisure. As long as their stronger weapons are left alone, they don’t care that much, although all of the tools from the warehouse have the condition that they must be returned to the warehouse upon the user’s death.”

“That makes sense,” you said, shuddering at the morbid provision. “It probably only benefits them for more sorcerers to be competent at their jobs.”

“Exactly,” Haibara said. “It’s so cool that I get to teach you about all of this stuff. I feel like a tour guide. Am I doing well?”

“You’ve been very helpful so far,” you assured him.

“Thanks! But enough of my talking. What was it like where you went to school before?” he said. You thought back to your old life, which seemed so far away now that it might as well have belonged to a different girl entirely.

“It was nice,” you said. “Normal. I was friends with people who couldn’t even see curses. I didn’t know anything about sorcery; well, to be fair, I still only barely do. Outside of Japan, there’s very few people that actually understand how curses and techniques and all work, and there are no well-defined governing bodies, so misinformation runs rampant. But regardless, I was the daughter of a wealthy man and a beautiful woman, which meant things came easily to me and people liked me very much. That is to say, my schooling and life were entirely mundane.”

“You speak in the past tense,” Haibara said. He was far more perceptive than you had pegged him for, and you smiled bitterly.

“I’ve always been able to see the curses, of course, but when I was younger, it was explained away as me being a little girl with an overactive imagination. Actually, believe it or not, it was seen as something endearing about me,” you said.

“Did that change or something?” Haibara said. “Wait. That was a dumb question. Of course it did.”

“Yes, it did change. As I grew older and older, it became less and less excusable for me to speak up about what I saw. I learned to keep my mouth shut, but it wasn’t enough — my parents always feared me, were always wary around me, treated me like some monster that they had the misfortune of housing. Their final straw was when I was nearly hit by a car because I had run into the road trying to avoid a curse swiping at me. They took me to the nearest sorcerer; he told me I had a hummingbird in place of my heart, which I guess was probably his attempt at describing Hummingbird’s Blessing, and advised me to be sent to Japan. My parents were grateful that there was a reason that their daughter was such a freak. They didn’t question the man telling them to send me to another country. They just…they just did it,” you said.

Haibara’s face scrunched in sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you said. “I don’t blame them. If I was in their shoes, I likely would’ve done the same. It’s hard to be brave about things you can’t understand. Considering that, they were good to me.”

“If you say so,” he said, though he clearly didn’t agree. His attention shifted, and his demeanor abruptly switched as he brightened and pointed at the door you had finally reached. “We’re here!”

“Step aside, Haibara,” Hinode said. “Let me unlock it.”

Haibara rocked back and forth on his heels in anticipation; it was a comical sight, especially next to Nanami, whose shoulders were slumped in defeat as he dejectedly kicked the toe of his left boot against the ground. He had been reluctant to go from the start, and it seemed he had not gotten any happier about the visit during the walk there.

The door creaked as it opened, leading into a vast, cavern-like room stacked with shelves upon shelves of weapons and tools. Some radiated power, while others seemed almost innocuous and harmless, but there was no doubt that all of them possessed at least a modicum of cursed energy. You understood now what Haibara had meant when he said that the Big Three Sorcerer Families didn’t care about a couple of their cursed tools being shared with random sorcerers — in fact, you doubted they would even notice if one or two dozen went missing.

“I know it can seem intimidating, but just close your eyes and trust your cursed energy to find whatever is best for you. It’s an old-fashioned way of doing things, but there’s nothing wrong with going back to the basics; after all, this way, your ego is removed from the picture entirely,” Hinode continued.

“How do I do that?” you said.

“Trust your cursed energy?” he said. You nodded. “It’s the same as feeling your pulse. You aren’t aware of it until you think about it, are you? That’s why you haven’t been able to sense the flow until now. It’ll take some time for you to be able to really harness and use it for anything meaningful, but finding a weapon is rudimentary enough.”

It wasn’t that specific of advice, but you found it was enough. When you really concentrated on trying to feel your cursed energy, you suddenly were unable to escape it. It was everywhere, swirling around you, flitting between your fingers, perching on your limbs, preening at your neck. Hinode was right in that you could not actually direct it to do anything, but you were aware of it now, which, according to your teacher, was sufficient for the moment.

With your eyes screwed tightly shut, you inched through the warehouse. Your cursed energy seemed indifferent to every single tool you passed, and it must have been at least five minutes of walking at a snail’s pace before something finally happened.

You weren’t sure what weapon had sparked the change, but whatever it was, your cursed energy sang in recognition, spiking and aching for the cursed tool, which was on the shelf directly to your left. Reaching out your hands, you felt about until you grasped the cold metal of what could only be a sword. Opening your eyes when you did so, you pulled it out into the light, your cursed energy settling and fading back into the depths of your consciousness, something that you only thought about when reminded to.

It was a sword, as you had assumed. The hilt was made of ivory, the crossguard a warm silver with intricate floral designs made of enamel inlaid into it. The long, slender blade was white and iridescent with cursed energy that sparked when you touched it. The scabbard beside it was rich, dark wood, mounted in gold that was inlaid with the same enamel flower motifs as the crossguard, though on an even finer scale, the patterns more detailed and the colors even brighter.

“It’s so beautiful,” you breathed. You had never thought you would describe a sword with such an adjective, but there was really no other word for it. It was beautiful, as much a work of art as a weapon for battle.

“Special Grade Cursed Tool, Sword of Syrinx,” Hinode said with a laugh. “You have expensive taste.”

“It's a special grade?” you said, almost dropping it.

“At one point, it must’ve deserved the designation, I’m sure. See, it belonged to some sorcerer from the Edo period who supposedly imbued their cursed technique into it while it was being forged, so theoretically it should be a very powerful tool — hence the ranking. However, either that sorcerer was exceptionally weak or no one’s come around that’s managed to really utilize the sword properly, because so far, it’s never been to anyone’s tastes for anything more than tasteful decoration,” he explained.

Your grip tightened around the hilt. “I want it.”

“Are you sure? It’s not a weapon that’ll hold your hand. I mean, no weapon will literally hold your hand — if you’re incompetent, you’re incompetent — but some weapons are easier to use for beginners than others. The Sword of Syrinx, however, has proven useless even in the hands of trained swordsmen such as Atsuya Kusakabe. Do you really think you will be the one to prove it wrong?” Hinode said carefully.

His words were convincing, but something about the Sword of Syrinx called out to you, a mournful humming of energy that begged for you to keep it at your side. It remained, too, that your own cursed energy hadn’t reacted to any of the numerous other weapons in the warehouse, and that had to count for something.

“It was meant for me,” you said, with more conviction than you had ever said anything in your life. “I will use it.”

“Pretty sword, Y/N, are you going to take it?” Haibara said, appearing from behind a shelf, haphazardly balancing stacks of knives in both of his hands. He peered at the sword and then at you, blinking owlishly without care for the precarious situation of what he was holding.

“Be careful with those!” Nanami barked at him before turning to you and raising his eyebrows when he saw the sword in your hands. “The Sword of Syrinx? You’re more ambitious than I realized.”

“It’s not like that. I’m not trying to prove anything. I just…like it,” you said.

“That’s all well and good, but will the clans give up a special grade item to a first year student?” he said. “I mean, sure, the Sword of Syrinx is pretty useless, but it is still a special grade, and you’re an untested sorcerer who — no offense — has shown no indication that you’ll actually be able to wield it.”

“I think Y/N will be able to fight with it,” Haibara defended. You weren’t sure what you had done to earn his loyalty already, but you were immensely grateful for it.

“Ordinarily, that would be a problem, but if she’s really set on using it, then I think things will work out for the better. She’ll have to convince the current owner to let her have it, but I doubt it’ll take very much effort. After all, he’s very, ah, accessible,” Hinode said, smirking just the tiniest bit.

“You don’t mean to say —” Nanami broke off, face pale with horror.

“Say what?” you said politely.

“The owner of that sword is the older student I was talking about earlier,” he said. “The annoying one.”

“The one that made the sandwich!” you said, picking up who he was referring to almost instantly.

“Yes, him. You’ll have to convince him to let you have it,” he said.

“Okay, but why does it even belong to him?” you said. “Why does he have more of a claim to it than I do if we’re both just regular students?”

“The difference is that you are comparatively a normal person, and he is one of the strongest sorcerers alive,” Hinode said. “As well as one of the most highly respected. It’s not that his personality is all too dignified and worthy of admiration; rather, your upperclassman who currently owns the Sword of Syrinx — and who I’m sure Nanami has warned you to stay away from — is none other than the scion and sole representative of the Gojo clan, Satoru.”

#kashimo x reader #kashimo x you #kashimo x y/n #canon au #reader insert #m1ckeyb3rry writes #hurricanes / hummingbirds

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thesunshineriptide · 2 years

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hi hi! i love your series on twst characters in our world sm <33 could i request them realizing that this is what it felt like when you were sent to their world? and probably gaining (even more) respect for you? bc being sent to a new world is terrifying and kinda painful and really, really weird??? and the fact that mc just,,, went with it with only a little bit(?) of psychological damage is wild. there's not too much to say so it can be as short as you like :3!

What I’m hearing is that you want more angst and I am very happy to deliver. I’m two seconds from doing whumptober at this rate fkshdk

I ended up doing it in a oneshot format instead of regular headcanons, I hope that’s alright. This also wasn’t as angsty as anticipated but I might go back and do something similar that’s more angsty at a later date 🤍🤍🤍

The Wrong Side of Paradise

Characters: riddle, Trey, Leona, Ruggie, Azul, Jade, Floyd, Kalim, Jamil, vil, rook, Idia, malleus, Lilia

Cw// mild angst, mental health issues, sad vibes, hurt/comfort, arguing, yelling, fighting

For people who crave order, it’s incredibly hard to let go of everything you know and be thrown into something different. For the fantastical, being trapped in the mundane is torture. For the optimistic, knowing there’s no way you can return home on your own dashes hopes like bitters in a drink.

It’s been a week since their arrival in this new world, and everyone had finally had their breakdowns. Some sooner than others, some slower. The group of (mostly) teenagers sat quietly in their friends living room, silent in contemplation as soft classical music played. Their TV had a fireplace screen saver, in an attempt to make them feel more at home, since they had no fireplace, and it only worked a little. The ambient noise was a comfort, but when one would catch the screen out of the corner of their eye, they could no longer delude themself into everything being fine.

“I miss Ortho.” Idia finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper but the silence made it carry.

Some turned to look at him, others forced their gaze to the ground.

“I miss Silver and Sebek,” Lilia lamented, leaning toward Idia where they sat on the ground.

“I miss my idiot freshman.” Riddle admitted, fidgeting with his hands. He would never dream of doing either under normal circumstances, but he was simply as far away from his rules and his mother as he could be. What was there to stop him?

Floyd sighed. He was sitting cross legged on the floor, with Jade sitting on the couch behind him and Azul beside Jade. Floyd leaned back against Jade’s legs, looking tired, “This discussion is a bummer. Can’t we talk about something better?”

“Better? We’re stranded in a world, money-less, homeless, magicless, and with no concept of what this world is like outside of this house. What could possibly be a more important discussion than talking about it?” Jamil snapped, eyes narrowed on Floyd.

“Are you lookin’ to get squeezed, sea snake? Cause I could use some stress relief~”

“Enough.” Leona said firmly, blinking an eye open to look between them, “They’re both right. There’s no point in moping around, we gotta do what it takes to survive.”

“Easy for you to say, Kingscholar. You never cared about your life before, and it’s not like your kingdom will notice the spare prince missing.” Vil spat, gaze icy and hard.

“Guys, we shouldn’t fight about this.” Trey tried, attempting to reason.

Leona and Vil began to argue loudly while Floyd began crawling his way over to Jamil, who was climbing higher and higher on the couch in an attempt to get away from the former eel.

Malleus coughed to get their attention. This failed, however Riddle did notice and took action as well.

“ENOUGH!” He shouted, all eyes now on him, “Malleus has something he’d like to say.”

“Malleus as something he’d like to say.” Leona mocked in a high pitched voice while rolling his eyes.

Malleus paid him no attention, “You know, it seems as though there is one person who may be able to understand this plight we’re in that we haven’t consulted.”

Everyone looked confused before Malleus sighed and pointed in the direction of Yuu’s room.

“The prefect? But-“ Kalim began before cutting himself off, “Oh…”

The room went back to silence as they all looked away from each other, faces burning with shame, “Is this how-“

“What’s going on?” Yuu asked, stumbling from their room while rubbing their eyes, “I heard shouting, is everyone okay?”

They looked the most tired of everyone, despite being the one person asleep at the time.

Riddle’s face went red with embarrassment, “I apologize, Prefect, it was an attempt to- ah, prevent a fight.”

“You guys are fighting?” Yuu asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Again, I apologize-“

Yuu began to laugh, looking delighted, “No, no, this is good. I’m glad.”

“You’re…glad? That they’re trying to kill each other?” Idia asked, looking very worried.

“Not the killing each other part but,” they took in a deep breath and let out a little sigh, “You all haven’t been acting right for a week. And fighting each other is kind of the NRC pastime, so in my book you guys fighting is a win.”

The group went silent for a minute. Ruggie began to laugh, then so did a few others.

“I guess you’re right, Herbivore.” Leona admitted, chuckling just a little.

“It’s how we show affection.” Floyd added, finally snagging Jamil’s ankle and pulling him to the ground. He put him in a headlock, laying half of his bodyweight on the poor vice housewarden, who struggled.

“Help me-“

“Floyd, be gentle with Jamil, please.” Jade said, hiding a smile behind his hand, “you know how fragile humans can be.”

Malleus beaconed Yuu over, who sleepily grinned at him, “What can I do for you, Hornton?”

Malleus’s face fell for a quick moment at the mention of his horns, but returned when he remembered the nickname, “We we’re discussing how…difficult it is to adjust to living here. Without magic.” He said quietly, “I thought you may understand that issue best of us.”

Yuu looked soft, eyes melting into sympathy as they nodded, “Yeah, I do.” They said before turning back to everyone else, “I know exactly what it’s like. And I’m so sorry any of you have to go through this. Especially because of me…”

Kalim got up and pulled Yuu into a hug, “It’s worth it, Yuu. And besides, Crowley won’t leave us here forever. And even if we are…” he began, but let the thought die.

Everyone had an expression of pain or misery on their face. Most people were curled up with someone else. Vil and Rook were cuddled close on the couch, Leona and Ruggie were close to each other on the floor. Malleus and Lilia both sat right by the couch, leaning on it, while Azul, Jade, and Idia sat on it. Jamil and Floyd were forcibly cuddled on the floor, while Trey and Riddle sat together in an oversized armchair.

Yuu watched them from where their head rested on Kalim’s shoulder and smiled, “You won’t be stuck here. I promise. Even if I have to travel the world for a solution, I won’t keep you away from your homes.”

Lilia stood up, stretching his back for a moment before going over to the lamps and turning them off one by one, “I think it’s time we get some rest, my friends.”

The group let out a series of grumbles either for or against this notion, but Yuu merely laughed.

“Time to split up, I suppose. Whoever beats me to my room can have the bed tonight!” They announced, dashing for their room as the room began to darken.

Floyd, Jamil, Jade, and Ruggie all got up to run after Yuu, trying to beat them to the doorway.

In the end, the five that ran tugged the mattress to the floor and made a pillow fort, sharing it, while those in the living room did something similar with the couch cushions.

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wariofranchisefanblog · 6 months

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A new WarioWare has come out and I got enough playtime in to feel comfortable talking about it in full, so I’ll do just that.

Right off the bat I can say in short: this is a good game and a good WarioWare. Not up there with my favs, but it does a lot right. My experience did end up quite differently than anticipated and I’ll explain why soon enough.

First I want to talk about the presentation, which I think is an easy high point. Everything is vibrant and colorful, the art keeps showing the strengths of the current style and everything feels very much like it should. Microgames run that perfect mix of genuinely nice looking and deliberately cursed and the cutscenes are the best of both worlds, being smooth and lively, while returning to Gold’s full voice acting.

Speaking of cutscenes, that brings us to the story related stuff and that’s where the game shows some interesting tricks up its sleeves. In terms of structure it’s a return to the pre-Gold era, with the closest to an overarching theme being the vacation set-up.

I do think the Ware crew is in top form, likable, fun and full of life as always and two stories in particular even do something major.

Kat and Ana’s story marks the shocking return of Cractus, bringing a Wario Land character into WarioWare and Young Cricket’s story sees his Kung-Fu Ball partner finally brought into WarioWare properly. Both of those are really massive and show a willingness to more heavily utilize elements from other parts of the verse, which I find incredibly exciting.

Oddly enough, the weaker link of the story for me this time is Wario himself. Now don’t get me wrong, everything that happens here is usual Wario antics and I do like how non–english versions of the script like japanese and german, have him be actually be nice about bringing the others along. His confusion at the Crygor drawings and later ascending to godhood, with the cast roll confirming he got a happy end, are all good too, plenty of nice stuff here.

He just feels weirdly absent here. Having no presence in the Remix stages, no bonus mode in his image and even the final stage has him stuck being cursed to have his face be the avatar of an angry volcano. It doesn’t really feel like Wario and ends with him being the only one of the cast with no moment to shine during the climax, which I can’t help but find a little disappointing.

Still, it’s not a big deal, after so many games Wario taking a slight backseat isn’t a dealbreaker, it just stood out a little.

Moving away from that, there is the audio side of things. The music as usual is full of unapologetically catchy jingles and some major stand-out tracks such as MegaGame Muscles and the Form Guide theme.

We got full voice acting again and with it our first taste of Kevin Afghani as Wario. Pre-release stuff had me very on and off with how I felt about it, but having heard all of him in the game: yeah, I like him! He does have some wonky deliveries, but the overall voice still feels like Wario and has its own fun appeal. Certainly more noticeably different than Mario and Luigi, but I am optimistic Kevin will greatly grow into the role, as he gets to play him more and more.

Then we get to the big one, the gameplay and this is where I was thrown for a loop the most. With this being a direct Smooth Moves successor I thought I’d know what to expect, but was quite caught off-guard in many places.

This surprisingly ended up being the most difficult WarioWare for me by a long-shot, enough that I actually had to take advantage of the second chance mechanic, which I never had to do in Gold and GiT.

If I had to sum the game up in one word, it would be demanding, Wario commanding you to move it is not just a funny title, it’s the name of the game.

With the Wiimote, you could get away with just sorta doing the poses in a lot of cases, but Move It really demands you do the exact poses, down to holding the Joycon juuuust the right way.

More than anything I was surprised how strict it could be in that regard, not following the form instructions is asking for trouble, but I have to say, at the same token I was amazed how well things worked once I got the hang of it.

I’ll admit, I was ill while playing the game, so maybe that caused me to be a little more daft than usual, but it took me a bit to really get into it and I had to consult the museum several times for some microgames to figure out what I even needed to do.

I do think the game is a touch more complicated than usual for WarioWare, since you have to take effectively two controllers and specific poses into account, on top of grasping what each microgame demands of you, but once it clicks everything feels well thought out and purposeful. Getting things down is immensely satisfying and shows some really stunning results of what the Joycon can do.

That said the game isn’t entirely without jank, Hand Model being a notable culprit of it. The game finds several fun applications for it, but anything regarding reading forms or how many fingers you hold up, can be really clunky in the heat of the moment. In general, the strictness of the forms also means you need to really be prepared for every microgame, since slouching with your form could lead to a bad desync

Still, even with some jank I do think stepping up to the challenge to get a feel of it and get better is very much worth it. I wasn’t sure how to feel at first, but my opinion on it only went up the more I played.

That covers it for the main stages, as for the side-content though, yeah, that is where the game shows a weaker side of itself.

Not so much in terms of what’s here though. You got your standard towers, as well as MegaGame Muscles, which no joke, may be my favorite stage in the game. It’s frantic, fun, the music slaps and the set-up of Mr. Sparkles having ascended to being a literal god of fitness, is pure WarioWare.

The new Pyoro game of the day is a fun, different take on it, much like the one in Smooth Moves was as well and Dirty Job is a cool bonus game expansion of a more stand-out microgame concept.

That is really it as far as the single player content is concerned though and it does feel a liiiittle on the meager side. No souvenirs, which Smooth Moves and GiT didn’t have either, but Smooth Moves had more bonus games and GiT had the final Pyoro stage, Penny Remix, more bonus games, unlockable art and the Wario Cup.

We do still have a decent variety of multiplayer modes to work with and I did get a friend to come on by to try them, save for the 4 player exclusive one.

I think it’s a good selection, in concept it has the best multiplayer mode offerings since Mega Party Games (though I did like GiT a lot too), but there is one issue I have with it and I think GiT was a little guilty of it too.

As I mentioned, I do think there is a learning curve on how to play this game most effectively and you feel that even more in multiplayer, where someone not as in the know, is naturally gonna accidentally grip his Joycon slightly wrong, despite doing the pose and need some extra instructions, much like the characters in GiT can take some learning.

It is something you can overcome and have a good time with, WarioWare is a very good ‘’don’t take me too seriously’’ kind of multiplayer experience, but on the whole, if they want a true party game WarioWare, I still think something simpler like Mega Party Games is in order and by all means, I wouldn’t mind them doing something like that again.

On a side note, I also find it a bit of a shame that the nice new models for the cast, updated to resemble their designs in this game, are ultimately watered down to sprites of their heads during multiplayer gameplay. With how much emphasis is being put on multiplayer to carry the game for longer, I think it would have been nice if they put in the work to fully animate GiT-style models for the multiplayer modes.

That small gripe aside, as I said, I think multiplayer is fine, but not quite the pick up and play experience for people new to the game, as I feel they wanted it to be and I do think a bit too much of the game is locked behind multiplayer.

But yeah, that’s WarioWare Move It. It’s good and if you like WarioWare, you’re getting what you wanted out of it. It’s not one of my top games in the series and feels a bit too lacking on the side content front, but on the whole, I had a good time and it gets a surprising amount out of a controller that I have an openly low opinion on.

#WarioWare #WarioWare Move It

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