"Deja Vu"

Word Count: ~2300 words

Ship: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader (ex/platonic?), Peter Parker x Michelle Jones

Warnings: A curse word or two, slightly OOC moments but it is fan-fiction so :)

A/N: I'm in love with this song and had to write this. Popped this baby out in 3 hours, and I'm pretty happy with it. Side note: I created my own timeline for this lmao. Morgan exists, but they don't live in the cabin. Reader is mentioned to be fem once or twice, but reads neutral besides that! Reader is Tony's kid but it could be read as adopted/his bio kid.

“One strawberry ice cream, just for you.” Peter said as he set the cup down in front of MJ, a single spoon dipped in the light pink dessert. MJ immediately started to eat as Peter took a seat beside her, and you and Ned were seated across from the couple at a local ice cream shop you had discovered. The one where you had taken him, where you had convinced him to try the strawberry ice cream instead of the vanilla he always got. You scooped a spoonful of your rocky road ice cream a little too aggressively, unable to eat your favorite ice cream flavor anymore.

“Thanks, Parker, it’s really good.” MJ said and Peter nudged her shoulder.

“Mind if I steal a bite?’

“Of course I mind.” MJ deadpanned and Peter blanched before MJ smirked at him. “Go ahead, loser. Just one.” MJ gave him a look and Peter saluted.

“Scout’s honor.” Peter took MJ’s spoon before he took a bite, and you barely held back the scowl as you looked over at Ned. He gave you a sympathetic smile and tapped his foot against yours under the safety of the booth. You brushed your shoulder against Ned’s while Peter and MJ were too entranced by each other to notice.

“If you get any ice cream on my jacket, I’m burning yours.” MJ’s words were menacing, but you all knew she was (mostly) kidding. Peter scoffed and held his hand against his chest in mock offense, the sleeves of MJ’s jean jacket comedically too short on Peter’s arms. MJ was dressed in Peter’s Midtown hoodie, the same one you had worn just a few months ago.

You thought it would have been funny to switch jackets, knowing your jacket would look funny on him, while you wore Peter’s oversized hoodie. And now here was MJ, wearing the same sweatshirt, while Peter wore her jacket. Have any original ideas, Parker?

“Earth to Y/N.” MJ waved her hand in your face, and you snapped back to the present. “You okay? You zoned out there for a minute.”

“Yeah, sorry. Morgan decided she wanted a sleepover last night, so we just had to build a pillow fort in my room, and that felt fantastic on my back. Almost as great as her practically laying on top of me all night.” You chuckled. “And you know I couldn’t move her, she’s got me wrapped around her finger.”

“And she knows it.” Peter said and you smiled over at him.

“Speaking of Morgan. She’s been asking me all week about if you want to come over sometime this weekend. She’s in a big Lion King phase, and she wants ‘her Petey’ to come have a pajama party with her and have a sing-along. She’s Nala, of course.” Ned snorted and Peter’s face fell.

“I can’t this weekend. MJ and I are having a Glee watch party this weekend, can you believe she’s never seen Glee?” Peter asked and you felt a pang of jealousy in your stomach.

“Oh, really?” You asked. Much like you hadn’t seen it either, until six months ago. “It’s pretty iconic, but also the worst show ever. Singing along is pretty fun, just being annoying. Really fun.” You thought back to when you and Peter were in your room, doing the same thing.

“Don’t stop believing!” Peter stood on your bed, using the remote as a microphone to serenade you. Peter looked at you expectantly, and you rolled your eyes before singing the next line, just as enthusiastically as he did.

“Hold on to the feeling!” Peter cheered and you couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You’re so annoying, Parker.”

“As annoying as this show?”

“Almost.”

“Then I’m not quite done yet.”

“Raincheck next weekend, maybe?” Peter asked and you shrugged.

“I’ll have to check with Madame Secretary. She’ll likely be over The Lion King by next weekend, it’ll be ‘baby stuff.’” Your phone buzzed and you excused yourself before checking the text.

Iron Dad: Hey, kid. Are you busy?

You: A little. Why?

Iron Dad: Pep and I have an emergency meeting for work, and Happy’s sick so he can’t watch Maguna

You: I’m on my way. Give me five to say goodbye

Iron Dad: Thanks, Y/N/N. We owe you one

You: You owe me several. Love you

Iron Dad: Love you tons

“I’m sorry, guys, duty calls.” You smiled, albeit a little sadly, at your friends. “I’ll see you Monday at school?”

“We better. We have a project in chemistry due on Monday.” Ned said and you flipped him off.

“Science is my best class, you know I’ve had the project done and Dr. Banner approved since the project was announced in class.” You winked at Ned before waving at MJ and Peter. “See you later, lovebirds.” You internally cringed when ‘lovebirds’ came out more bitter than you intended. With goodbyes exchanged, you left the ice cream parlor, and you bit back the tears you felt beginning to build up. Did he feel it, too? Did he remember that you did that, too? Was he ever going to tell her all the ‘unique’ things Peter’s done were reused, that you had found them first? You wiped at your eyes before you hailed a taxi, and you shoved all your feelings down to be at your best for your little sister.

--

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Morgan barreled down the hall when you stepped out of the elevator, and you barely bent down to catch her in time as she collided with you.

“Morgan, Morgan, Morgan!” You scooped your sister up into your arms and peppered her face with kisses until she was laughing, and your mood immediately lifted at the sound. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

“Mom’s at work, Dad’s in his room. He’s leaving us.” Morgan pouted and you copied her expression.

“Oh, no. You’re stuck with me tonight. Too bad I’m not tall enough to reach the juice pops in the freezer.” You gasped. “Oh, wait. I am!” Morgan thrusted her fist into the air with a cheer, and you set her down. “I need to go talk to Dad real quick, then we can do almost whatever you want.” You emphasized the almost, knowing she’d ask for something you definitely shouldn’t do, then argue that you said ‘anything.’ You definitely saw a career in law for her when she got older.

“Kay-kay. I’ll go get coloring books, then we get juice pops?”

“Deal.” You offered your pinky out, and she linked pinkies with yours before she ran off to her room. You shook your head fondly before you walked off to your dad’s room, and you knocked on his door before coming in. “Dad?”

“Hey, kiddo. Come on in, I’m just packing a few things for Pep.” You walked over to the bag your dad had packed, and you began to inspect everything. “Have I been approved?”

“I think I need a hug before giving approval.” You opened your arms and your dad happily pulled you into his chest, and he held you close, as if he could sense your feelings.

“Are you okay? Do I need to stay?” Tony rubbed your back and rocked you gently, and you buried your face deeper into his chest, your eyes watering and you gripped his shirt tighter, a habit you developed when Tony first took you in- you always grabbed onto him like he was your security blanket, and Tony quickly learned there was no use in getting you to let go until you were ready.

“No, I’m okay.” Your voice was muffled but you made no effort to move yet. “Mom needs you.” You paused. “You’ll be back soon, right?”

“Luckily we’re just headed to the New York headquarters. I hope we’re home by midnight, but I’ll tell you when we find out for sure.” You nodded and let go of your dad, and he brought his hand up to cup your cheek, and he wiped your tears away with his thumb and the action almost made you cry again. “Ben and Jerry’s and sad movies when I get back, or should I get a few punching bags set up in the gym?”

“Ben and Jerry’s.” Tony nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, and you patted his arm, telling him he could continue packing. “ Don’t forget Mom’s favorite lipstick. She always keeps one on her, but you can never be too safe.”

“Lifesaver.” Tony said before he went back to packing.

“I should go check on Morgan, let you finish getting packed.” You said and Tony smiled at you, a softness in his eyes reserved solely for you, Morgan, and Pepper.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best big sister?”

“I do my best.” You smile back before leaving. Fingers crossed she hadn’t made a mess already.

--

You laid in bed, scrolling through your camera roll with tears streaming down your cheeks. You pressed play on a video and let out a choked sob as you watched. You and Peter were seated at the piano in the living room, and your fingers moved gracefully across the keys, playing one of your favorite songs that Peter had begged you to play for him. The familiar sounds of Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’ filled your ears, and you sang along as you played. You turned to Peter, nodded at him, and he began to play the same song after you. You hugged him at the end of the song, grinning since he had finally learned it, and you began to play it again, Peter joining you in singing along. Not even that was reserved for you and him anymore, as you had learned recently.

“I didn’t know you played.” You said as MJ took a seat at the piano, Peter seated beside her.

“Oh, I just learned. Peter taught me the one song he knows how to play.” Your heart sank and now Ned was curious.

“What song?” Don’t say it, don’t say it.

“Uptown Girl.” MJ began to play, and you felt your lip begin to tremble. Your song. The one you had taught him. You looked away as Peter quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek after the first chorus, and he whispered something into her ear. You turned to Ned and dove deep into a conversation, refusing to cry in front of them.

You jumped when you heard a knock on your window, and you grabbed the baseball bat you kept by your bed. You would have called for Bucky or Sam, but the pair were off on their own mission. You got out of bed, wiping away your tears, and you walked to the window, bat at the ready. “FRIDAY, who’s getting knocked to next year with my bat?”

“It appears Peter Parker is the one outside your window.” Peter? Of course it was.

“Lights on dim, FRI.” You set the bat down and opened the window, and Peter popped into view. “Peter? What the hell? You almost gave me a heart attack, dude.”

“I’m sorry, I know, sorry. I didn’t plan on coming out here, but I needed to talk to you.” You gestured for Peter to come in, and you suddenly realized how you had to look to him. You were in a shirt you had stolen from Thor- what? His shirt got mixed up with yours, finders keepers. You were in an old pair of sweatpants that were covered in various stains- paint from Morgan, some grease from Tony’s lab, and a bleach mark from where you and Peter were goofing around in the lab and you spilled some mystery chemical on your pants. And let’s not even talk about your puffy eyes and the tear marks on your cheeks from a night of crying.

“About what?” You sat on your bed, eyes not meeting Peter’s.

“About earlier at the ice cream parlor. You seemed really… spaced out. Not yourself. And I caught you scowling once.”

“I didn’t scowl.” You tried to defend yourself but you sighed, knowing he was right.

“And ever since MJ and I started dating, you’ve just seemed different. You’re not, like, jealous, are you?” And you couldn’t help but laugh. Truly laugh, which caused Peter’s brows to furrow. “What’s so funny?”

“You think I’m jealous! Why should I be jealous?” Peter frowned at how you weren’t taking him seriously, and he was confused.

“You know, we had… a thing. Not that we dated, but I mean, we were really close you know.”

“Oh, I know.” Like a switch, your emotions flipped from sad to frustrated in seconds. “And I’m seeing all these ‘things’ we had all over again.” It was Peter’s turn to start getting irritated, and he crossed his arms.

“Oh, really? Like what?”

“Strawberry ice cream at the parlor, you can’t act like we didn’t do that. Trading jackets, we did that shit too. Teaching her piano when I taught you, how do you not get deja vu?” Peter opened his mouth to talk and you held your hand up. “You’ve got a different girl, but there’s nothing new. I discovered those places you take her, I showed you Glee, I taught you the jokes that you tell to her. When are you gonna tell her? She thinks it’s special, but it’s all reused. I know I get deja vu, don’t you?” You had started to cry again, and Peter started to defend himself until FRIDAY spoke.

“Y/N, your father and mother have returned home. You may want to continue this conversation later.” You looked at Peter who wordlessly nodded. He walked to the window, and he paused before he spoke.

“We’ll talk Monday after patrol. Bye, Y/N/N.” You whispered goodbye before he left and you shut the window before you dropped to your knees, letting out broken sobs.

“I get deja vu when she’s with you…”

Déjà  vu? || Draco Malfoy

Requested: No Pairing: Draco Malfoy x ex!fem!reader Warnings: Idk if this is angsty or not because I initially thought it was but it feels a bit like soft sadness to me? Summary: Y/N getting deja vu as you watch Draco with his new girlfriend (H/N - her name)

WORDS : 1950

Lyrics from “Deja Vu” by Olivia Rodrigo (but I got lazy and only used certain parts)

~~~

Car rides to Malibu Strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two And tradin' jackets Laughin’ 'bout how small it looks on you (Ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha)

“Draco stop!” A voice exclaims before being followed by laughter. You know that you shouldn’t turn around, that it’ll hurt too much, but it’s been said many times that curiosity killed the cat.

He’s holding the very same ice cream order, strawberry and pistachio, and sporting that familiar warm smile that used to comfort you when you got a brain freeze from the ice cream. It had been your idea, ice cream in November, and he’d hated it at first but grew to love it just because it made you happy. That very same order that you’d made him try, strawberry and pistachio, but not for the two of you this time.

It’s difficult to know what you were expecting, something new? Different? A part of you had always known, even while you were the one in H/N’s position, that your moments with Draco would soon be documented and used for a modern remake. If your relationship had been a book, theirs is the movie adaption. If your relationship had been a song, theirs is a cover band’s rendition. Maybe, deep down, you were expecting just this- to see him treating her the same way that he’d treated you.

Those pale hands, that used to fit so comfortably in the expanse of your own, are now tucked safely in-between hers. Oceans of blue that used to run over your shivering figure every November when you made this exact Hogsmeade trip, are now tracing the lines of her face and committing them to memory. Lips, cold and slightly chapped, that were once coaxing laughter from your lungs with horrible puns and crude observations, are now completely and utterly consumed with the sole objective of entertaining her the very same way that they entertained you.

It’s a bitter sight, one would think, but you can’t bring yourself to be jealous. It’s an odd sort of feeling, deja vu, to know that once this moment belonged to you, and now you have to watch it play out in front of you. You know what’s going to happen, down to the footprints that’ll stain the path back to Hogwarts, but this time it’s not you. This time, even though you know what’s going to happen next, it’s not your laughter that’ll be filling the silence as he walks back to school.

Watching reruns of Glee Bein’ annoying, singin’ in harmony I bet she’s bragging to all her friends, saying you’re so unique, hmm

“Draco’s obsessed with this muggle show called Glee. He makes me sing along with him every time we watch it.” She says with a small laugh and a shy smile.

Why, in God’s name, did you decide to study in the library today? Sitting on the other side of the bookshelf behind you, with Millicent Bulstrode, is H/N.

“That’s horrendous.” Millicent replies with a laugh. Maybe if you’d tried harder to be friends with her then she would’ve told H/N that Draco used to do that with you too, that you’re the one who introduced him to muggle tv shows in the first place.

“It’s cute, he’s so… different.”

You swallow hard and try to pour your focus back into your books. That tone, sweet and infatuated, was the tone you used only months before when you spoke about him too. Once again you’re on the other side of the looking glass, staring back at a distorted reflection of yourself. It had been you bragging, drowning quite innocently in your adoration for him and feeling the need to sing your praises out to the world.

Way back when, you were the one forcing him to learn the lyrics to all of your favourite songs. The two of you would lose track of time singing along with the actors and complaining about the unnecessary drama, it was this little world that the two of you created. But now that world, that you built on love and trust, can no longer afford to accommodate you both. Now it’s his world with her.

Without even realising it you start to wonder how it must be when he’s with her. Does she sing off-key too? Does he pepper her with kisses after and make fun of her singing? Do they binge watch episodes or only do one at a time? Does his laugh still drown out the talking whenever something ridiculous happens? Is his favourite character still Sue?

How many pieces of your time together did he take from the puzzle, to form a new one with her?

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too? She thinks it's special, but it's all reused That was our place, I found it first I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you

“This alcove is where I come when I want to be alone, no one really comes here.”

No one but me, you think to yourself as you stop in the hallway and overhear Draco whispering to her. Of course he took her to your alcove, why wouldn’t he?

A part of you wishes that he’d tell her that it was you who found this spot, that it was you who’d trudged along the castle one night in a desperate search for some peace and quiet. You want her to know that this was your safe space, that you were the one who invited him there and allowed him to relish in the safety that it provided. It was you who laced your fingers together with his own and dragged him behind you until you’d landed in the spot, you who had to listen to his complaints about how small and cramped it was until he finally got comfortable and fell in love with it. You were the one he used to wrap his arms around and make promises to in the silence of the night, when nothing beside the two of you existed in that alcove.

It’s all blurring together, then and now are nothing but two sides of the same rusted coin. How can you possibly distinguish between your memories and reality when the boundaries keep crossing?

You almost want to laugh at how identical your relationship was to the one they have now. Jokes that you came up with in the sludge of sleepiness, when the two of you used to hide out here on nights when you both felt sad, are now being repeated into the very same air that you breathed only months ago. Promises that you’d both agreed to back then, are being remade in the safety of the night that now belongs to them.

“I love you.”

And

“Forever.”

Are being whispered between the two of them, assurances and pacts to be together till the end of time.

But now you wonder, how long is forever?

Do you get déjà vu when she’s with you? Do you get déjà  vu? (Ah), hmm Do you get déjà vu, huh?

The smell of toast and freshly scrambled eggs wafts through the Great Hall and you struggle to resist the urge to moan out in excitement. Breakfast is your favourite meal and, really, the only meal that’s worth anything. As you plop down in your seat and start to pack your plate in your food you fail to notice, in your sheer joy, that Draco’s sitting across from you with H/N by his side.

It’s not until you’re done piling up your favourites, like an Olympic gold medalist in training, that you notice the couple sat across from you. You observe discreetly as Draco outstretches his hand all over the table to get whatever she wants to eat, and you have to struggle to focus as a wave of déjà vu washes over you.

When had you stopped being the one he arranged plates for? When had he started saving a spot beside him for her, and not you? Literally you know that the answer is roughly around 3 or 4 months ago when the two of you had broken up, but he’d stopped being yours a long time before then and you’d both known it. Little moments of love, that had been the basis of your relationship, had fizzled out into distant memories way before you’d both decided to call it quits.

“Butter or jam, Y/N?”

You’re about to answer, on instinct really, when you realise that he’s not even speaking to you.

But he said your name. Didn’t he?

Do you call her, almost say my name? ‘Cause let’s be honest, we kinda do sound the same Another actress I hate to think that I was just your type

“It was mortifying!” You exclaim as you recount the events of earlier to your best friend.

“How bad could it have possibly been?” She asks with a laugh as she settles into your bed comfortably.

“He looked her dead in the eyes, and called her ‘Y/N’, and to make it one hundred times worse, I was sitting across from them when he did it so they both immediately turned to look at me!” You cry out in embarrassment as you drop your face in a pillow. “I’ve never prayed so hard for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.” You mumble against the fabric and you hear her laugh again.

“Why are you so embarrassed? It wasn’t your mistake.”

“It’s not about that, it’s about how easy it would’ve been for us to return to our roles as boyfriend and girlfriend. I almost answered him!” You sigh. “It’s been what? 3? 4 months? And my mouth still acts on muscle memory. We’re so familiar to each other that we still act on instinct.”

“Are you sure it’s not just because your names sound so similar?” She raises her eyebrows at you and you scoff. “Really? Y/N and H/N sound nothing alike?”

“Nope, not at all.”

“Okay, if you say so.” She shrugs, “But deep down I think all three of you know that there’s more similarities present than you’d like to account for.”

You huff in response and cross your arms. Is she right? Does Draco have a type?

Even worse, are you just Draco’s type? Nothing more and nothing less than just another girl who ticks all of his favourite boxes?

I know you get déjà  vu I know you get déjà  vu I know you get déjà vu

It’s on one morning, on one of your good mornings, that it happens.

Months of watching the two of them recreate the love that you’d had with him, suffering in silence and scolding yourself for thinking such awful things about them, finally come to a halt when you receive the acknowledgment that you’ve been so desperately craving.

She walks onto platform 9 and 3/4 in a dress, a purple dress that looks eerily similar to the one you’d worn two years before on this exact platform. She’s smiling brightly, excited for the new school year, and Draco’s waiting for her by the door with a smile that’s just as bright. When his eyes catch her own and she slips her hand into his, he stumbles backward in shock slightly. He immediately looks away from her and searches the crowd, scanning over people climbing into the train and saying goodbye to their families, in a desperate attempt to find you.

It’s too much for him, to see her standing before him and looking like a replica of you, and he needs some sort confirmation to know that he’s not imagining this similarity. The dress wraps around her waist the same way that yours had wrapped around your own waist, and it compliments her skin in a way that’s hauntingly memorable. He knows that he’s seen all of this before, and he knows that it wasn’t with her.

You’re standing a few paces away from the door, watching the scene unfold, and when his ocean blues finally meet yours, you know.

He smiles at you, the first time he’s done so since you broke up, and mouthes exactly what the two of you need to hear.

“Déjà vu.”

And then it’s over- the moment, the agony, the months of confusion- it’s all packed up into a neat box and stored away. He turns with her and they walk into the train together, happily.

You remember this, being the one in her position and walking by his side. You remember the feeling of utter joy that had consumed you, it’s all the same really.

But maybe this time when he promises forever, he’ll mean it.

~~~

This was meant to be way angstier but I got lazy and ended up just wanting to write it out before I ran out of love for the idea.

Anyway, I kind of like it...

love you all,

jean <3

To the rescue (Dr Spencer Reid)

Universe: (H) Criminal Minds Summary: Reader goes as every morning into the same coffee shop. The good morning turns into horror (Reader is named Alia) Used Prompts: - Warnings: sexual assault  Language: English Request: Yes/No

Request: Hey! So, I had this idea of Spencer meeting reader(can be fem, male,or GN; I don’t really mind) in a coffee shop. They’re both neighbours, go to the same coffee shop and order similar coffee everyday. Neither of them ever say anything, just wave and smile. It’s obvious that they both have a crush on each other. One day, either a persistent random or ex won’t leave reader alone, and Spencer comes to the rescue and pretends to be their boyfriend. Also, wanna add they both know each other’s names from when the barista calls out their names.Also, can Derek and Penelope feature! I just love them so much. Like imagine as Spencer is introducing himself as reader’s boyfriend and they walk in and hear. Honestly, you can tweak and change the request as much as you want. I just think coffee shop Spencer is a cute trope (by izraahh1)

Requests [Open]

A/N: Thank you very much for your request @izraahh1 I enjoyed writting it! Enjoy <3

 My requests are open on Wattpad and Tumblr

🖊️    🖊️    🖊️  

️____________________________________________

Accompanied by a delicate bell, I entered the well-filled shop. Fortunately, no one stood at the checkout, but waited for her order off the beaten track. As joyful as I was, I stepped up to the counter. "Hi."

Friendly as always! Nevertheless, I put a radiant smile on my lips. "A wonderful good morning, Jazzy! I take a cappuccino with caramel sauce please and a chocolate croissant." "Name?" Was she being serious? Okay, the answer was obvious! But it was difficult to take seriously as I was here once or twice a day and often placed the same order and every morning Jazzy stands behind the counter. But that was fine with me! "Alia! A-L-I-A.", I spelled patiently. Not even Jazzy could spoil my good mood! I had had a great morning. I had bought a new book with a free bookmark; the course had been postponed and in a seconde I would get my life-saving coffee and something to eat. It couldn't get any better on a Monday morning! I was just happy, which I also showed uninhibitedly. Annoyed, Jazzy nodded, tapping rougher than necessary on the display of the cash register. Her fingernails caused a repetitive clacking, which I sometimes knew from myself when I used my phone. But when I typed it was not half as continuous as with the young cashier, because her modeled fingernails were longer than my natural nails, which is why the recurring tone made sense. "Next!", moaned Jazzy and I trotted to the side to wait for my name to be called. It was always a pleasure to see Jazzy! Sometimes I wondered why she was working at the checkout. I pushed the thought of her aside. I really shouldn't continue thinking about her negative nature! My foot tapped to the rhythm of the song that was playing in the coffee shop. But I didn't pay much attention to it, because I buried my nose again in my book. Much to my chagrin, I had barely read half a page when I was disturbed. Someone strangely pushed towards me. I took a step to the side over and over again, but the person just moved in. "Well! How are you?" I knew the voice! I jerked my head and Robert's dull blue eyes stared at me. There was a mischievous sparkle in them, which I didn't like at all. It scared me! "Leave me alone!", I hissed. I prayed fervently that my voice wouldn’t shake and that he wouldn’t hear my fear. I didn't want to show any weakness towards him! "Why so scratchy? Is that how you greet your boyfriend?" "Ex-boyfriend.", I clarified. "And this has been the case for three months." I must have dropped my book, because it was no longer in my hand when I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "Nonsense, we just took a little break," said Robert, stepping even closer. "No! I broke up with you. There was no small break, Robert and now please leave me alone!", I demanded. Even I heard how much my voice trembled. It didn't sound determined but anxious! That didn't help me in the slightest. My goose was cooked! "I'm really interested in whether I'm still going to turn you on." he said- quite loudly, considering that sex was less widely used as a topic in public. His fingers enclosed the waistband of my pants. "Leave me alone!", I said weakly. My panic paralyzed me. "The lady told you to stop!" Robert was already stumbling backwards due to external influence. I was more than grateful for the distance! My cute neighbor Spencer, whom I met here every morning, stood next to me protectively.  I had never been this happy to see him in my life! I didn't want to imagine what would have happened otherwise... "What are you supposed to be?", Robert blared at him. My fingers dug into the sleeve of Spencer's cardigan. I didn't notice it until he released them from his arm. Then he crossed the fingers of my right hand with his right hand and put said arm around my shoulders. "I am her boyfriend! If I may introduce myself, I am SSA Dr Reid." The words sounded friendly, but Spencer exuded strength, confidence and authority. Robert pulled up his shoulders. "SSA?", he repeated shyly. Spencer nodded. "I'm an FBI agent.", he added. "Sorry, sir! I didn't want to bother your girlfriend. I'm already gone! Have a nice day, sir!", my ex babbled to himself and run as fast as possible. Relieved, I exhaled. Immediately my muscles loosened and I felt comfortable in my own skin again. Spencer loosened our fingers. Then he stood in front of me, gently caressing my upper arms as he looked at me from top to bottom. "Are you doing well, Alia? Did he do something to you physically?", Spencer asked. But I shook my head. "Fortunately not. Thanks to you! I don't know what he would have done if you hadn't helped me. How am I supposed to thank you for that?" Suddenly, his cheeks took on a slight shade of red. "That goes without saying." he said. "It's not," I countered. That's when a idea came to my head! "It's not much for your heroic deed, but I invite you to your coffee. That's the least I can do!" My neighbor quickly gave in. "If you insist!" I grinned at him. "You said it!" But Spencer took a few steps away and knelt before coming back to me. He held something to me. My book! I had completely forgotten that. "It suffered underneath the feet of this-" Spencer broke off, took a deep breath before continuing to speak. "Your book unfortunately suffered a bit, but of course I wanted to help you first and then save the book." Smiling, I accepted it. "Two heroic deeds in one day! Spencer, a bit more and I will die in despair because I don't know how to thank you.", I teased him and gently nudged him with my shoulder. His cheeks turned darker. "The coffee is enough for me. Thank you!", he coughed. Once again, I noticed how cute Spencer was! I already liked him. "Spencer!" "Alia!" Now I had to laugh. "What a coincidence that we are being called out at the same time!", I said. Now my rescuer was also smiling. "Yes! A nice coincidence.", he commented. After I had paid, we walked together to exit. But Spencer suddenly stopped. "Morgan, Garcia, what are you doing here?" A remarkably dressed woman and a casual-looking man came up to us. Both wore a broad grin on their lips. I had clearly missed out on something! "We're going to university today, pretty boy! We should pick you up. Did you forget that?", said the man. Spencer shook his head. "We just wanted to get a coffee beforehand. Who can guess that our pretty doctor will save his beautiful girlfriend?", the woman added. Then she hold out her hand to me. "Penelope Garcia! Colleague and friend of Reid." "She's not my girlfriend.", Spencer croaked.  But I would like to be... "Then you should change that quickly! The way you two look at each other, I assumed that I have been swearing you two have been together for a long time." How do we look at each other? Puzzled Spencer looked at me. I swallowed hard and remembered the man's initial statement - I believed his name was Morgan. "Which college do you have to go to?", I wanted to know. He told me the name with the grin not leaving his face for a second. "I have to go there too! Would there be a problem taking me there as well?" Penelope raked in with me. "Of course not! And now tell me since when you know our beloved Reid!”, she demanded as pulling me out of the cafe. I could hear Morgan's laughter behind me. What unique people!

helloooo!! i didn't do a fic rec last month because i was so busy with my exams and barely had time to read, so this month's post is going to comprise of mostly fics i've read in june but also some i've read in may.

thank you to all of the incredible writers, please go support them!! and remember to read all of the tags and possible warnings before reading the fic! here is the list of fics (mostly below the cut):

read

•° — led by your beating heart by @missandrogyny 29.4k | E | famous harry/non-famous louis

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any help right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

note: this was so funny and cute and well written, and everyone was characterized so perfectly!! i adored the chemistry between louis and harry, this fic kept me smiling for the whole time while i was reading <3

•° — sounds like love to me by @neondiamond 14.6k | G | kid fic

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?”

Louis watches as Harry’s face falls with the realization that this is one of those things he won’t be able to experience. For a second, Louis considers saying no, to show Harry they’re truly on the same boat through all of this. But he nods in the end, reaching over for Harry’s hand as the doctor flips a switch. Noise fills the room then, and it takes a few seconds for the sound to become clear enough for Louis to make out the baby’s fast heartbeat.

“It’s really fast,” he voices his thoughts out loud as he uses his thumb to tap against the back of Harry’s hand, replicating the rapid rhythm of the baby’s heartbeat. It takes the younger man a little while to figure out what Louis’ doing, but a huge grin breaks out on his face as soon as he does.

“Is that them?” He signs with the other hand, his own eyes starting to tear up when Louis nods.

OR: Harry is deaf, Louis is pregnant. They figure it out.

note: i'm not a fan of mpreg or kid fics in general, but i stumbled across the fic post for this on my dash and the summary sounded really intriguing to me, so i had a go at reading and it did not disappoint!! it was really sweet and fluffy but also so touching and heartbreaking in some parts. plus, i really enjoyed how harry and louis worked together and supported each other.

•° — this restless dream by @afirethatcannotdie 5.6k | NR | first meetings

“Hiii, I called earlier about the dogs?” he asks, taking a few steps closer to the desk where Louis is standing. He’s taller than Louis, with a dimple when he smiles and bright green eyes. There's a cute eagerness about his whole presence. “Do you have any puppies?” He’s a bit like a puppy himself, actually.

AU. Louis works at an animal shelter and Harry wants a puppy. Things don't go quite according to plan.

note: this was so so adorable and soft, especially since i have a soft spot for h&l with pets. i also have a soft spot for h&l being oblivious lovesick idiots and this was perfect!!

•° — all i see is you, lately by @runaway-train-works 2k | G | first meetings

Harry noticed him for the first time three months ago. He couldn’t not, really, what with the man being so pretty and all, and Harry remembers it well because it was three days before his birthday and he had joked to himself that seeing someone so gorgeous for three days on the trot must be an early present from the Gods.

Or

The one where Harry has a crush on a fellow commuter.

note: this one was quite short but so sweet and perfect and lovely!!

•° — the things i'd do to wake up next to you by orphan_account 36.1k | M | amnesia fic

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

note: this fic was incredible, i'm always up for an amnesia fic and this one was heart-breaking and realistic but also sweet and fluffy as well :)

•° — this glorious mess by theweightofmywords 14.2k | M | post-breakup

His head lolls to the side, and his eyes float open to focus on what used to be his bedside table.

It’s empty now, devoid of the framed photo of the two of them. And Louis knows that he has no right to feel hurt, but somehow, this only confirms what this really is.

“This is the last time,” he cries, his voice breaking both from pleasure and pain.

“I know, baby,” Harry breathes, burying his face in Louis neck.

note: this is the third mpreg-centric fic i've read this month and... i don't even like mpreg?? but god the premise of this fic intrigued me so much, and it was lovely and emotional and beautifully written.

•° — BLAH BLAH BLAH there's a moment you know (you're f*cked) by @mercurial-madhouse 3.2k | M | spy au

Anyone impulsive enough to betray their country is either foolish or overly-confident. Louis’s too cunning for the former. So his inflated ego tips precariously close to the edge between pride and hubris. In sum: He may be an expert, (as proven by the .32-cal Beretta Alleycat Harry found strapped to his back) but ex-agent Louis Tomlinson will explode like a busted bullet misfiring in a broken gunbarrel if Harry can find his trigger.

___

Or, the spy AU in which Harry thinks he's prepared to meet Louis only to find he's not.

note: the banter and tension in this fic was so good and so fun!! i need moreee

•° — every lonely place by @ham-palpert 38k | E | time travel/alternate lives fic

Facing the fact that he’s been prioritizing his career over his relationship, Harry proposes to his longtime boyfriend Louis on a whim. But when yet another work emergency takes precedence over their plans, Louis decides he’s had enough. Harry goes to bed drunk and alone, and when he wakes, he finds himself in an entirely different world. Over and over again, Harry visits a lifetime he’s once lived, across time and dimensions. And wherever there’s a Harry Styles, there’s a Louis Tomlinson.

note: this was such a unique fic! and such an emotional one too, love the message it sends and the character arc and development was so good

•° — tick-tock by bubblegumclouds 6k | G | soulmate au

When Louis was born to Jay Tomlinson with a tiny 2 years on his clock, it starts the most beautiful love story. Even if things are missed, fate finds a way to make it work.

note: this was just so, so cute and fluffy and sweet! i loved it

•° — baby baby, you're a caramel macchiato by @missandrogyny 3.2k | T | coffee shop au

So, yeah, Harry doesn't think it's that far of a stretch to call himself a good barista. There are some particularly bad ones, and some particularly good ones, and, with his work ethic, his skill, and his charm, he'd probably be lumped in with the latter group.

note: this was so lovely, and i especially really loved the little section talking about louis' name and how it suits him!

re-read

•° — one shines brighter by @afirethatcannotdie 11.8k | T | wedding fic

“Hi, baby. You doing anything fun today?” Harry shrugs. “Dunno. Thought I’d see how I was feeling before making any plans.” “You wanna get married?” Louis asks. Harry’s face breaks into a smile, and he nods. Louis’ lips are just brushing Harry’s when Gemma appears in the hallway. “You two are in so much trouble.” Harry's wedding was never supposed to be the happiest day of his life. No, that was going to be the day after, when he finally got to start his marriage. Unfortunately his family (and Louis) have other ideas.

Featuring a pair of moms who only want the best for their kids, meddling sisters with too much time on their hands, and a groom who gets caught up in the fairytale.

note: i adore this fic!! it's so so so adorable and so soft and well written, and you can feel how in love h&l are with each other. so so good!

my own fics

•° — under your bed in new york 33.4k | T | exes to lovers

"We know you're still in love with Harry."

Louis' nostrils flared up. "I'm not—"

"Louis."

"I'm not!"

there are many things louis likes to tell himself. we broke up for a reason. it's been so many years. and of course, the classic: i’ve definitely moved on from him. but when he suddenly finds harry back in his life after three years, louis realizes he might be a little less moved on than he thought.

au; spilling coffee onto an ex, being set up on dates, and having a nosy puppy might be all louis needs to find love again

note: i didn't actually write or publish this one this month, but i did edit, revamp and make a fic post for it this month so i thought i'd put it in here anyway. reblog the fic post here!

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

Next time (#3 in series)

1

August 2017

The phone vibrated against the table; it’s relentless buzzing distracting Leon from the conversation with the son sitting across from him. The man tried hard to ignore it, keeping himself as engaged as possible with Philip’s story. Though they had spoken on the phone a few times, too much of this morning was spent in awkward small talk, neither of them sure how to approach the unique situation they were in. Now, finally, Leon had gotten his son talking, walls slowly diminishing as they got to know each other. Leon glanced briefly at the slew of missed calls as he silenced this one, trying to be subtle about his shift in attention. He tried to keep most of his focus on Philip, despite the gnawing agony of ignoring a work call. They would find someone else. This was the first time in 12 years this kid was speaking face-to-face with his father. How could he just leave right away? They had the whole weekend planned and this was only the first day. He barely began to push work from the forefront of his mind until, yet again, moments after the last ignored call, the phone began buzzing again.

“It’s okay. Just answer it.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll just be a second.” Leon answered the call, listening to the demand as he left the restaurant. As suspected, he was asked to come in. “Is there really no one else that can cover the surgery? Or can the appointment be pushed off? I’m across the country right now. Even if I get a flight, I won’t make it in until tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning it is then. We really need you to come in. We talked about this.  You knew this was a chance when you left.”

“Right, okay, fine.” Leon sighed. He had known, but--maybe it was just wishful thinking--but the chances seemed so low. It felt worth the risk at the time that, if it happened, he would at least have had more time with his son first. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Leon hung up the phone, shaking his head, dreading going back in and telling Philip he had to leave right away. He knew having a relationship with his son wasn’t going to be easy, especially with him living in Boston and Philip and Elizabeth in Chicago. Still, he hadn’t expected it to go sideways quite so quickly. This weekend had taken weeks to plan and Philip had been so excited. Leon had too. Now, it was only going to last a few hours. If this was any indication of visits to come, he didn’t have a good feeling about it. He didn’t want to be the type of dad that only visited with his kid for a few hours a couple times a year, not after coming into Philip’s life so late.

He walked in, flagging down a waitress to ask for to-go boxes for the lunch, and pulling out his wallet as he made his way back to the table. “I’m so sorry dude, that was work. I’ve got to head back to Boston tonight.”

“Oh...” He had expected Philip to be disappointed. What he hadn’t anticipation was just how crushed he would feel himself, seeing the disappointment on his kid’s face, knowing he caused it.

“I know. I’ll come back next month and it will be longer, I promise.”

2

November 2017

Leon collapsed on the small airport chair, relaxing after hours of airport security. He pulled out his phone, seeing multiple missed calls from Elizabeth. His heart sank, there was no chance this could be good news. He opened his voicemail. “I’m sorry, Leon. I hope you’re not on the plane already; I’ve been trying to get in touch with you. My parents just came out to surprise Philip. I had no idea they were coming. They live so far, they can’t get out here much. I know you know what that’s like, but...” A long pause, a distant sigh. “Well they actually showed up.” There it was, Leon thought, the real reason she didn’t want him coming out. “Anyway, I tried to explain that he had plans with you and to let me know next time, but, well, you know how they can be. And I don’t want to send them all the way back to Florida just so he can spend half a day with you.” He leaned his head back, eyes shut. He knew Elizabeth was tired of Leon always disappointing Philip; she was the one who saw it more often than he did. What she never seemed to grasp was how difficult this was for him to. “I hope you understand. We’ll see you next time. Hopefully.”

3

January 2018

6AM Flight to Chicago - canceled

11AM Flight to Chicago - canceled

2PM Flight to Chicago - canceled

8PM Flight to Chicago - canceled

Leon tried to glance out the window, but all he could see was a sheet of ice. It was no wonder the flights were canceled. Stubbornly refusing to let this happen again, Leon began looking up routes to Chicago. Maybe the skies would be bad, but the roads could be better. 15 hours of driving time. The blizzard might add a few, but if he drove all night...

“Are you insane!?” Within seconds of Leon texting her his thoughts, Elizabeth was calling him and was, apparently, not pleased. “If it’s that bad out, stay there. You’ll get yourself killed if you try to drive out here.”

“I’ll be fine. It’ll clear up at some point.” He paused, sighed. “I can’t miss his birthday, of all days.” He admitted in a rare, vulnerable moment with his ex, unable to hide the dejection from his voice.

“He’ll understand. He’ll be disappointed, but it’s better than you doing something stupid. We’ll just make it work next time. Just be safe today. I know it’s been hard, but this will get easier.” Though short, this was the first real conversation he felt like he had had with Elizabeth this entire time; the first time it hadn’t ended in an argument. They managed to keep things civil in front of Philip, but he hadn’t yet brought himself to forgive her for what happened. She also never never quite forgave him for wanting to get rid of the kid in the first place.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right...” Her understanding tone throwing him off enough that he couldn’t help but agree with her. Still, he was starting to lose hope. In these past few months, Leon had yet to feel like anything but a failure of a father. He thought, not for the first time, that maybe he was right 13 years ago. He wasn’t cut out to be a father. Looking at the worsen blizzard outside, he briefly wondered if this was nature’s way of agreeing with him. He couldn’t bring himself to fully admit to her that’s why he was trying so hard, but he suspected she was starting to realize that herself. With a sigh, “Can I talk to him? I want to tell him myself.”

4

June 2018

Almost one year had gone by since the phone call that had completely changed Leon’s life. Despite only one truly successful visit and many mishaps, the man could easily say he wasn’t the same person since finding out he had a kid. His phone calls with Philip grew more frequent and more plans were being made. Even though things were slowly getting easier, he still always wished he had more time with his son. Thankfully, that was finally going to change by tomorrow. With Philip out of school for the summer, they had planned for him to fly out to Boston for two weeks. He was straightening up the apartment when he got a call from Elizabeth. He had expected this. The past few weeks her calls grew more frequent with questions, making plans, making sure Leon knew what he was doing before she let their son stay with him, that he was responsible enough for this.

“Hey. I’ve got everything all ready to go here. I’m picking him up at the airport at noon tomorrow, right?” He asked, but was greeted with a long pause. His face fell as he awaited the explanation.

“Philip broke his arm. He was out skateboarding with some friends and had a bad fall. He’s going to need surgery and he’ll be in a cast for a while. After that, physical therapy... I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to reschedule. With him healing, it might not be for a while.”

“Is he alright?”

“He’s in some pain, but it was a clean break. He’s a little upset about not being able to get out there. I know you were both looking forward to this. Maybe we’ll try again in August.”

“Yeah, we’ll figure it out. Just keep me posted on how he’s doing, alright? I’ll look at plane tickets and try to make it out there to help out before his surgery.” What he was most upset about was that he couldn’t be there for his kid during all this. He opened his laptop to look up flights to Chicago, but even then, what would that accomplish? If he was going to have trouble for a while, would Leon being there for a day really help at all? There was one other option: something that had been in the back of his mind for months now. He booked a flight for the next day and then switched gears, looking for apartments to rent in Chicago as well as jobs for plastic surgeons. With Elizabeth still on the line, he explained his thoughts, “I’ll be out there tomorrow. There’s something else I want to do while I’m there, but I’m going to need your help.”

To be continued...

Southside Girl

Pairings: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Gunshots, 

AN: I had fun with this one so I hope everyone enjoys. it’s a little different from the request but the main theme is the same.

Y/N is Jay's High School friend and she gets a job at Med as a nurse. She has always been in love with Jay, but what happens when she gets shot? Does Jay reveal his true feelings to Will?

******

You’d been at MED now for a few months, long enough to know where everything was, where all the trauma equipment was kept and most importantly, in your opinion, the fastest route to the cafeteria and therefore the coffee machine.

You had only been back in Chicago for about 5 months now. After growing up on the South Side of the city, you’d somehow dragged yourself through high school with passing grades and gotten into college on the West Coast.

Living in California had definitely gotten you out of the habit of cold Winters which is why when you came into the ED that morning it was hard to even recognise if it was you under the multiple layers of coats, scarves, gloves and varying other warmth providing equipment.

“Y/N? That even you under all that?” Maggie peered curiously between the layers of clothing trying to find your eyes.

“All that California sun turn you weak Y/L/N?”

“Shut it Halstead” you snapped unwrapping a scarf to glower at Will who was grinning at you from behind his fancy Doctor Tablet.

As a kid you’d grown up a few streets over from the Halstead’s, had in fact been a year behind the younger brother, Jay, at school. It gave you a unique position to take the piss out of the doctor without getting in too much trouble.

“Oh, that’s Y/N alright. No one else is quite that vicious this early in the morning. What’s the matter nugget didn’t have your coffee yet?”

“Halstead, I swear…”

Whatever it was you were about to swear to you’d both never know because Maggie inserted herself between the two of you. “Children. Down” she fixed both of you with a stare that made the most argumentative patient sit down and shut up. “There’s a trauma call coming in, your brother’s bringing him in. Think you can not jump for each other’s throats long enough to treat the patient?”

Patients would be the one thing that could make you both behave long enough to actually get along. If there was one thing you could both agree on it was that your jobs were important and patients always took priority.

However, when this patient got wheeled in still screaming and yelling with Jay walking beside him it knocked you back more than you were willing to admit.

You recognised that patient. The one with blood pooling around what looked to be a gunshot to the abdomen.

“Alex?” the trolley he was on was rolled past you and frantic eyes locked on you.

“Y/N, fuck, you gotta help me Y/N. They shot me! They fucking shot me!”

Jay was scowling furiously at Alex as the trolley was wheeled into a cubicle, he grabbed your wrist before you could go in as well.

“Get another nurse to deal with him”

“What?” you yanked at your wrist “Jay let go of me”

“Get another nurse Y/N”

“Your being ridiculous Halstead”

“For what? Not wanting you to treat your gang banger ex-boyfriend”

“Y/N, I got this one” April went into the cubicle leaving you still stood with Jay’s hand manacled around your wrist.

“What the hell Jay” you hissed at him, eyes narrowing. “What gives you the right?”

You were attracting quite the crowd of interested viewers to your little argument which was the point where using your spare hand you pushed at his chest so you were no longer in the middle of the ED.

“Aren’t you breaking some sort of rule by treating someone you know anyway?”

“I don’t know Alex, and let go of me Jay” you pulled once more at your wrist and this time he did finally let you go. “We dated for a few months nothing more”

“Yeah, and I never understood why you even did that much!”

That was it, your temper finally exploded. It was notoriously unstable and Jay had just pushed the final button.

“Maybe because Halstead he at least recognised that I was a WOMAN!” you spun away from an opened mouthed Jay and stalked away towards where Maggie was watching you. “Patient?”

“Trauma 3”

You grabbed the file from her and without giving a backwards glance to anyone else in the ED you made for Trauma 3.

 ********

So ok, time to come clean with yourself, you may have had a massive, childish crush on Jay Halstead ever since you’d been old enough to realise that boys held a certain attraction that girls didn’t. Jay however, had spent most his teenage years chasing everything in a skirt that wasn’t you, and to make it worse you’d then been forced to listen to his stories about these conquests.

You’d dated Alex mainly as an act of rebellion to see if you could finally get his attention. All it had done though was made Jay moody and distant. When you’d left for California and college you’d barely been speaking and since you’d gotten back it hadn’t exactly been smooth sailing either.

Having him stop you doing your job was still grating on you when Will came over a little later.

“He just cares, you know that”

“Don’t start with me Will”

Will watched you filling in charts for a moment. “I mean it Y/N he might not exactly have gone about it in the right way today, but he only did it because he cares about you”

“Then he has a crappy way of showing it” you snapped “how is Alex?”

“He’ll live” Will was clearly debating whether to tell you the next part, making up his mind though he turned to face you completely. “He’s asking to see you”

“Oh?”

“He has some very vivid memories of you”

“Just don’t start Will” you begged “I am not the little kid who used to follow Jay around like a little puppy anymore. I'm an adult, I moved on”

“Really?” he didn’t sound like he believed you. “And Y/N you were never just a kid who followed Will around to me. You were part of our family, you know that”

“I know that” admitting that got rid of the concern on Will’s face then you put it straight back on my telling him you were going to go and see what Alex wanted.

Jay saw where you were heading and angrily marched around to try and cut you off, Will caught him before hand though and whispered something harshly into his ear. Jay started and looked up at his brother, leaving you plenty of time to slip into Alex’s room.

 *****

Afterwards you wouldn’t be able to explain what had happened, you’d gone into the cubicle, were talking to a still agitated Alex and then… well things went to hell in a hand basket.

Jay came in which just made Alex even more frantic, he started yelling about a conspiracy between Jay and Will to put him in prison for what had gone down with you all as kids, Jay was trying to tell him that wasn’t true but Alex suddenly lurched sideways to the officer who’d been placed on his bedside and came up with his weapon.

The next thing you knew, the gun had gone off and you were sat on the floor with blood coming from your arm.

Everything had really gone crazy at that point.

Alex was screaming.

Jay was wrestling the gun away.

Dr Choi and April were crouched in front of you asking you questions.

Then, you were up moved to another room and were sat on a trolley being a patient yourself as the wound on your upper arm was stitched and bandaged.

That had been about an hour ago, the pain in your arm had numbed due to some wonderful pain killers and you were still sat on the edge of a bed trying to figure out what exactly had happened.

“Hey… can I come in?”

Jay, or at least Jay’s head was poking around the curtain covering the small room you were in. You stared at the floating head for a minute before nodding “yeah, why not”

The rest of Jay appeared coming over to stand in front of you, eyes glued to your arm and the bandage covering it. “You, uh... you alright?”

“Sure. I guess, I mean I’ve never been shot before so I'm not really sure what I'm meant to be feeling”

Saying the word ‘shot’ out loud made you feel a bit sick and Jay was clearly feeling it as well because his face had gone pale and anger was floating around in his eyes. “Why the hell did you even go in there?”

“Why wouldn’t I Jay? How was I meant to know that he was going to go apeshit and shoot me?”

“He’s always been dangerous Y/N. You should’ve known better”

“Really Jay? He’s always been dangerous? It’s Alex. We’ve known him since we were kids”

“Which is why you should have known better”

There was no end to this argument and you just didn’t have the energy to fight with him right then. The air puffed out of your lungs and you let your head drop forward so your chin was touching your chest.

You felt the bed dip as Jay sat down beside you. ���What did you mean?” his voice was quiet again, serious.

“What did I mean when?”

“When you said he saw you as woman?” you cringed, you had shouted that at him. Damn you and your big mouth. “Do you think I didn’t?”

You forced yourself to look over at him “Did you?” Jay was the one who cringed this time. “It’s alright Jay, I got over it a long time ago, the crush on the bad Halstead. Long gone”

“You had a crush on me?”

“Seriously? Please don’t pretend like you didn’t know. I used to follow you round like a puppy”

Jay’s nose wrinkled in confusion. “I didn’t. I swear. Hell if I had…” he trailed off going back to staring at his hands.

“Jay?”

Biting his lip, he made his mind up about something because he looked back at you with definite determination in his eyes. “I hated Alex since the moment you two started dating, want to know why?”

“Why?”

“I was jealous. Furiously jealous”

“Jealous” it was your turn for confusion to cover your face. “Jealous of what?”

“Of him, of him and you together”

“Oh…”

Hesitantly Jay reached out his hand to take your own linking your fingers together. “You weren’t the only one with a crush Y/N”

Well that took the metaphorical wind right out of your sails. You’d honestly had no idea that Jay liked you as anything more than a friend. Something warm settled in your stomach and like a giddy teenager butterflies fluttered in your chest. Then, you really processed what he’d said and that fire was rapidly put out.

“Weren’t, past tense”

You hadn’t framed it as a question but Jay obviously took it as one. Slowly, giving you all too much time to change your mind Jay put his arm around your waist pulling you across the bed and into his body.

“Not so past” he whispered with his face close to yours. “Yours?”

“Present. Very present”

With a smirk on his face that you used to see directed at every girl other than you Jay closed the final few inches between you and kissed you. Mouth moving over your own and sending tingles down all your limbs. Jesus the man could kiss.

“Well about fucking time” You jumped away from Jay like a guilty teenager finding Will stood in the doorway with a grin on his face you really didn’t like. “And it only took Y/N getting shot for you to finally man up and tell her Bro”

“Shut up” Jay hissed.

“And hey, I won’t have to listen to her moan about you anymore”

“Shut up Will” you snapped as well.

Will just laughed leaving you alone once again as you and Jay turned back to face each other. Embarrassing, yes, but at least Will had a point. It had taken a gunshot but you and Jay had finally admitted how’d you felt since you were teenagers.

*****

@lclb13 @moli1497​   @clementines-x​ @the-chosen-one-time-lord​ @no-other-names-availible-blog​ @angelaiswriting​ @selldraug​ @angryares​ @thenovarose​ @georgiagrl1990​ @punk-rock-5-sos @mindofthescattered​  @dontstopxx​ @iamabeautifulperson18​ @madelinecraig03​ @ka-x-in​ @im-hurric4ne @mesmericbell​ @something–awesome @weirdpotato-14​ @putinontheritzz​ @soulslaststand​ @fuckthatfeeling​  @ember1201​ @morganlb23​ @kitkatbadass @tomhopperarms​  @fakingintrest​ @artprincessbree​  @dreamer-lover-laughter​ @artprincessbree​ @rime-warrior​ @captainvaneswife​ @jaib2-blog @kapolisradomthoughts​ @thingsandstuffienjoy​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @aya-fay​  @itsbubbaog​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​ @emmykinzs​ @thatbadassunicorn​ @sassywingednightmare​ @weirdnewbie​ @goyawriter​ @shipperfangirling​ @nathaliabakes​ @stillreadingfantasy @waywardblueshun

Healin’ Good Precure Episodes 31-35

The anti-vax go crazy at the sight of the new Healin' Good power-up weapon.

I honestly don't know how to start this post, I think I never actually knew how to do these ever since I began this thing, but anyway back for more Precure! It only took me five weeks to get back this time, hooray!

You know, I wish I was more happy and excited to be back, but being frank, I'm not really? Part of it is because I feel like I lost the touch for writing, but the biggest reason is that I will be kinda negative about the things I have to say and I've been trying to stay away from negativity, especially now that my cat is sick, and I didn't want to be a source for negativity. But it's already December, I've neglected this blog a lot already and I feel bad for it so I decided to do something about it.

But to be honest, those weren't the only reasons why it took me a month to be back... I've actually been avoiding watching Precure. Well, I've been avoiding watching most of the things I write about because I've overdone it at the beginning of the year, and burn out hit me seriously, but from everything Healin' Good is what I've been avoiding the most. I know it doesn't seem like it, considering the last 3 posts I've made in the past 4 months (wow) were of Precure, but I've been watching the other shows here and there, I've just been sitting on a huge pile of drafts in my Evernote because I can't put my thoughts on those shows in a cohesive way for some reason, but when it comes to Precure, while it's easier for me to write about, I didn't feel compelled to get back and watch this show.

Every time I would sit down to watch a Precure episode at the same time I would open YouTube and Twitch in the hopes of something else I was more interested in would be there in my subscription box so I could avoid watching Healin' Good. And it's not like I think the show is utterly bad or isn't even like I don't have a good time when I actually sit down to watch the show, I just... lost interest. I think ever since Earth's debut my interest in the show has been decreasing more and more, and I don't know how to pinpoint if it's actually a problem with the show or if it's just me and the headspace I've been in ever since the pandemic hit Brazil. Yes, the story had plot points that I didn't like and the flaws of the show have been more apparent in my eyes with each time I watch it, but at the same time sitting down to watch one episode isn't an excruciating experience (especially when i'm not live-tweeting, istg i don't know why I ever thought that would be a good idea), I just don't feel attached to these characters as much as I did before and I'm not engaged in seeing what their story will become in the future.

With that being said, I think you all are already prepared for a post that won't be very positive so I guess it's time to put my personal rambling aside and talk about what y'all came here for, episodes 31 to 35 of Healin' Good Precure.

When I left in the last post I know I've said the cliffhanger of Episode 30 was a good one, and well... Episode 31 used its boots to step on my fingers and made me fell from that cliff. I forgot that since we were ending in that action the next episode would begin with the Cures being defeated, the major portion of the episode would be for dealing with the tension, and the new power-up would come at the climax. And that was exactly what happened, except that there was no tension at all and the power-up didn't feel like a cathartic experience just a Deus Ex Machina. The episode was very anticlimactic and just very uninteresting as a whole and once again, I know I'm going to be very repetitive here, it all comes down to the villains.

Everything that is depending on the villains' side to make me feel something 9 times out of 10 won't make me feel anything because of how boring they are. They made such a big deal about the villains evolving after using the Mega Parts, but it feels like anything changed. Shindoine is still just "the girl", Guwaiaru is still just the dumb strong guy, and the so-called power we're supposed to see from these new forms don't really make much of a difference since these two never get into actual fights with the cures, only the MOTW do. Daruizen is the only one they make stuff with, but it's more because they're really desperate to make him and Nodoka to be deeply connected and so they'll mold his character and personality to forcefully match him with whatever Nodoka's problem will be in that episode, if they need him to be the bored one he'll be, if they need him to be the curious type running experiments he'll be that, if they want him to be a selfish lone wolf they'll make him be. And that's just boring, at this point this villainous team and a cardboard cut-out are basically the same thing.

While also speaking about this "evolution" from the villains, you would think the new human-powered Giga Byogen would bring something new to the table, but no. It's just the exact same thing as before just with a bigger range for creating infections and a slightly higher defense stat. They aren't used in creative ways neither proposes a different treat that the other Mega Byogens did, proof of that is that in Episode 35 instead of a Giga they bring back a Mega just to show how irrelevant they are. They're also different from other monsters who draw their power from humans like a Nottrigger, or a Desertrian, or a Zetsuborg, where in most of the cases the summoning of the monster would be relevant for "solving the problem" afflicting either the victim of the week or the people around them. The teacher being affected didn't make his son appreciate the father more than he did before because that wasn't his conflict, Nodoka's doctor didn't have a revelation about his talents for medicine and Nodoka also didn't get anything new that she hadn't already learned before in the episode, neither did Chiyuu and her rival, you could completely delete the fight and that episode would've reached the same conclusion. Heck, the victim of episode 32 had only TWO appearances before he was turned into a monster, I doubt he was on screen for more than a minute, and they didn't need Touji to be there protecting the dog in the middle of the fight BECAUSE CHIYUU WAS ALREADY AWARE THAT HE'S A BRAVE HARD-WORKING KID BEFORE. These monsters are completely irrelevant and they don't add anything else to the show, and that's just really sad.

Back to Episode 31, let's talk about this power-up, shall we? Being straight to the point, I don't like it, both in the visual and narrative aspects. I visually like them even less now that we already know how the movie power-up looks and how much those forms are way more interesting than just a bigger hair and bigger skirts with a set of wings in the back that you could find in a Halloween costume sale. But who cares about how they look when this power, that is the manifestation of the the four cures combined powers together with their respective healing animals, comes out of nowhere without anything specific happening for them to trigger the appearance of the Healin' Good Arrow and the Special Healin' Good Bottle. Guess is needless to say that the Special Healin' Good Style doesn't feel special at all, it's like it only exists just to sell toys. Well, it's not like everything in this franchise is just to sell toys, but they usually know how to merge this with the story of the show and this didn't happen here. Also, for Christ's sake, this is the second year in a row where the name for the group powered-up attack is just the name of the series being used in the more boring way possible, where has their creativity gone to? The only good thing I have to say about this is that it gave us the healing animals doing some sort of rhythmic gymnastics and Pegitan twirling in that is prime content.

Overall complaints done, let's move one. (these will be quicker)

Episode 32, at first I thought I wouldn't like this one because they brought back this weird rivalry Pegitan has with Chiyuu's brother that doesn't have much of a reason for existing, but it was actually pretty sweet and heartwarming seeing Pegitan leave behind that and showing that he actually cares a lot about Touji, this silly rivalry is just his silly way of showing it (Showing it to who? I don't know, since no one but Pegitan and the audience seems to be aware of this, but shhh). This episode also made me like Touji, before he was just a background character to me and I didn't care much for him, but now I see him as more of a character of his own and not just Chiyuu's brother.

Episode 33 was my least favorite of the bunch because it connects to what to me is the worst plot point of the show: Nodoka's illness being a magic thing. If this had never been a thing, I'd be completely here for this episode. Nodoka's Doctor leaving his job because he felt powerless regarding Nodoka's disease and that being what drives him to go overseas to start doing medical research?? That seems great, and Nodoka feeling guilty for him leaving, while in actuality she's his inspiration is actually pretty emotional. But to me, it all just loses a lot of its importance because Nodoka was never sick after all, and unless this dude discovers on his own about the Byogens he pretty much went through all of this emotional trauma because and for nothing, it all becomes sad when you remember this aspect of it.

Episode 34 was going very well to me up until it's last moments where instead of sticking with a somewhat unique perspective on how to do a story like this they just throw it all through the window and instead of making Chiyuu and Tsubasa friendly rivalry exist outside the world of competitive sports they make Chiyuu change her mind and decide to pursue the World Tournament because you obviously can't have other interests and want to pursue different things when you're out of school, you gotta do that all your life, no other option allowed. This got me so disappointed, y'all have no idea.

Last but not least, Episode 35 which was my favorite, probably because it felt completely disconnected from the rest of the show and I could freely enjoy it in a separate pocket dimension without thinking about the rest. But regardless this was just a very fun and over-the-top episode that wasn't concerned about anything else other than just being fun, and that was exactly what I've been needing. Also, volleyball and beach volley is just cool as heck and seeing that incorporated in the fight of the episode was just fun as hell and a good change of pace. Akane sure is proud.

And that does it for now. Much like at the beginning, I also don't know how to close this one, especially after writing all those bad things and the fact that I'm not that excited for what's to come next. Well, let me know how you feel about all this, I don't know when I'll be back with another post but I promise I'll at least reply to any comment I receive. Without much else to say I'll leave you all with my usual sign-off. Stay healthy, stay safe, never stop resisting, thank you so much for reading, and until the next time. Healin' Goodbye~

hi- I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I wanted to know how to start a fanfic writing tumblr- I mean, I’m just not sure how to start since I’ve never posted anything on my account- I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience-

Don’t worry about it. I’m a little offended that you would think you’re coming to the wrong place 😂.

Imma break it down for you.

BTW this post is long bc I wanted to cover all bases

—

First of all, if you’re on tumblr mobile, then that’s fantastic and we’ll start with that first. If you’re on desktop, I would like to suggest getting it on your phone because it’s more accessible and easier to manage than doing it on the computer. The only time I go to the computer is when I’m going to post fics, but we’ll get there.

I know you said you’re wondering how to start posting fics but I gotta give you some advice before that. Because there are just some things I cannot stand when it comes to some fanfic blogs, alright?

Be easy on your color scheme. I wouldn’t put any bright colors because it could hurt someone’s eyes, and sometimes it looks really bad. Going along with that, you should be careful what your second color is on your blog (let’s say that your base color was a maroon, and then you’d choose a color similar to that/darker than that. It’ll be hard to read the things in your bio, and it’s frustrating)

This is obvious, but make sure you have a profile and header picture, it’s more appealing rather than tumblrs default.

Turn ON asks and then proceed to do it for anonymous questions, because that’s the only way you get requests. Some people do it off anon but that’s not as common.

You can do this on desktop and a safari browser. It’s not possible to do on mobile just yet. Open up safari > log in > little person icon in the top right > edit appearance. Scroll until you see “let people as questions” turn that on. Turn on anon, and edit the box to whatever you want. Keep it short

Turn off “share posts you like” and the following one below it. It’s a risky game to play when it comes to what you’re looking at and liking.

No submission posts, normally people don’t submit things anyway. Turn OFF “on blog advertising” and then that’s it. It automatically saves so you can just leave to the next screen imma bout to tell you about

IF you go to my blog on desktop, you’ll see that there’s a theme. My font is different, I have a different set up than most blogs, etc.

If you wanna mess around with that, scroll to the top of page (you should still be on the same page from the anon instructions) and tap “edit theme”

It might take a second to load, but you’ll get there.

THIS SCREEN IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Besides the fact that it lets you edit your theme, this is how you put in a Masterlist, and all other links you might want in your bio.

You said you haven’t written anything yet, so there isn’t a need for a Masterlist just yet. But when you DO start posting, please come back to me and I’ll let you know how to put one in your bio, okay? Nice and shiny for your future followers.

If you wanna change your theme go to browse themes, change it from “all themes” to “free themes”. If you like mine, it’s called “Accesible”. If you just want the font, get out of the theme screen and scroll the screen on the left. Turn ON “open dyslexic

Remember, you can do all of this on desktop too, it doesn’t have to be on safari

—

Now onto posting, I have some opinions that might offend my mutuals (oopsie)

I can’t tell the difference, but PERSONALLY, I think posting fics on tumblr from my phone is gross. But that’s also because I’m writing 1000+ words normally and it gets difficult to post

If you want to post fics with more than 100 paragraphs, then you have to go to desktop or maybe safari tumblr (I don’t post from safari tumblr so idk if it works) because tumblr says NO paragraphs after 100 on mobile. There is no restriction on computer

I write in Google Docs, because it’s neater and I’ve discovered some hate for Word after deleting some of the shit I wrote over and over. Plus it’s an app, and you can open it up on computer. Easy to use.

If you use Notes on your phone, or type directly onto a tumblr post, then that’s fine but you don’t know your word count and it’s a little difficult to navigate.

When it comes to formatting, I used to have it be really long. But I’ve narrowed it down to 3, sometimes 4 things.

Summary: this is where I put the request so the anon/person knows that it’s their request. (I copy n paste the entire request in the summary part, I don’t answer asks (requests) anymore because it’s easier to answer them after I posted).

Warnings: my permanent is swearing, and then I add on (what type) violence, murder, suic*de, gore, etc DEPENDING ON THE REQUEST

Word count: and I do this because I write long imagines sometimes and some people don’t want to sit through 5k words of boring shit

And the optional—Note: I put this if I thank someone for their patience on the request, if I say happy holidays or some shit like that. I don’t have notes on every post anymore because they just turn out being the same every time

Apart from that, give it a title (make it unique but not too long!) who it’s for and then copy and paste the fic in

I’m using my own posts as an example right here, okay. But I have the summary and all of that bolder because it’s easier to see, and I want it to be different from the actual post. Most fanfic writers do this.

I also put 2 —‘s between the authors note at the top and the fic to also make a difference there

Don’t have the entire fic italicized, it takes away the special part of italicizing a word

Finally, it’s tagging.

I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT tag things that have nothing to do with the post. It’s my biggest pet peeve and it’s because I can’t comprehend why people tag (for example) Katrina Stuart when it’s a fic OR A RANDOM POST about someone else

Instead, let’s keep it simple.

🌸 STOP 🌸

I forgot to mention this. But choose your username wisely. You can change it later on, but it’s a goddamn pain in the ass when you have 50+ fanfics you wrote and your Masterlist is nice and clean only to realize that you have to RELINK every post individually

Listen, I changed my username on my old blog, and it took me 8 hours ROUGHLY to relink and fix every individual Masterlist. I had to create new masterlists, with so many tabs open to fix it

Instead, change it before you start fics

If you wanna be a colby brock blog, I have a canon url (which means that it’s so fucking GOOD and I’m angry that i realized it was open only a month ago rather than when I created this account) and it’s colbysbrocks (it’s a plural canon url). And I have colbysecrets too. If you don’t like either of those, I have a couple of other ideas that I wrote down if you want them

🌸 okay continue 🌸

This is how you should tag:

(I’ll give an example after this)

Your username first, the person it’s about, the fandom (if it’s not Colby brock, then something like marvel, etc). Then the persons name, imagine, fanfic, x reader, and oneshot. Then if it was requested

EXAMPLE ONE:

Azurebrock, Colby brock, Colby brock imagine, Colby brock fanfic, Colby brock x reader, Colby brock oneshot, requested

Simple, right? You can even use this method for Wattpad too.

EXAMPLE TWO:

(This is Star Wars, im using my own username again)

Kylorenlovesyou, Kylo ren, Ben solo, kylo ren imagine, kylo ren fanfic, kylo ren x reader, kylo ren oneshot, Ben solo imagine, Ben solo fanfic, Ben solo x reader, Ben solo oneshot, Star Wars

Notice that I tagged both of his names. I do this because it draws more people in, and more people will be attracted to it (however, in the Star Wars fandom there’s a difference between Ben Solo and Kylo-Ren, so you would have to specify in the title Ex. Resistance (Ben Solo) or Struggle (Kylo-Ren). It would depend on which persona you’re using

This works for a couple of fandoms, like twilight and shit like that

EXAMPLE THREE:

(Final one, I just wanted to cover this base just in case)

If it’s a request for more than one person. Let’s say Colby Brock and Sam Golbach (like a Polyamorous relationship, if it’s just about a bunch of people, tag the people in it and don’t put the imagine, fanfic, x reader, oneshot after any of them, it doesn’t apply)

If it’s a poly relationship (or maybe more) then do everything you normally do for one person, and then just add on the second;

Azurebrock, Colby brock, Sam Golbach, Colby brock imagine, Sam Golbach imagine, etc

If you’re on desktop, I would suggest putting in a Read More (this goes BEFORE your fic but after the authors note, below the 2 —‘s). The way you do that is press enter, and hover over the new break in the fic.

Off to the right you’ll see a . . . Click that and then you have the read more. I would only suggest using this if there’s more than 500 words, so that if the fic is super long, it doesn’t take up the entire dash for the follower (it takes forever to scroll and it’s annoying

If you’re on mobile, it isn’t possible. Just post and you can go back and edit later if you have a computer

...You know, I have been thinking a bit about this past decade. My memory is crap to be honest but looking back at it... It sure was a mess of ups and downs.

It started with me leaving highschool after failing the second year, as I’ve grown too tired and annoyed by the dumbness of its teaching methods. In that year then I have started attending to a, uhm, I think I can call it a specialization school for making comics. Despite having turned 18 in those years, I was still very immature, and ended up leaving that school as well as I considered their final goal to be bullshit (even tho now that I look back at it it kind of had sense).

Still, while I have ended up disliking that school, as I both hated the fact that they said they welcomed all styles when in the end they still favored non-manga styles and the fact that I ended up hating one specific classmate that even made me get sick at one point... I am thankful for that school. Before then, my dumb immature self was your typical “ew western media sucks, manga and the anime is the best!!!”, but that school make me open up to western media... and I started appreciating it more. It led me to eventually discover VALVe’s games, specifically Team Fortress 2, and I have met so many friends with it. And while I hated how my art was taking western inspirations from my full One Piece-influenced style, and I still hate to this day how my art had suffered in those years, I am thankful for it, because my style is now more unique and personal and I actually like it.

In those years I have also obtained my driving license and a motorbike to drive with, which ended up with me giving up with it between the bike being difficult for me to handle, and attempted getting a scuba diving license as at the time I loved the idea of learning the activity, to which I ended up giving up as I really couldn’t deal with the salt water getting in my eyes, and the one time I was actually able to do a successful immersion, I ended up with my inner ears getting an irritation and causing any successive immersion impossible in order to get the license.

But then, after I left that school in the middle of the second year of three, things just... started spiraling downwards. What followed was half a decade of pretty much lurking in my room. I rarely got out of my room, I often refused to go out with my family, and the first signs of depression started showing up. And if that wasn’t enough, in those years we had my sister’s first puppy dying shortly after she bought it, her second dog giving me headaches, mom discovering she had glaucoma and started treatment to at least slow it down, to which she started getting into depression as well, my dad leaving home because he was tired of maintaining us, leaving one daughter barely doing anything with her life, the other daughter who at the time was still struggling to continue university and had a young dog to take care of, a wife who just went through an operation to her eyes and was horrified at the idea of not being able to drive anymore, all three of us without any kind of income of our own, and two aging cats of which one was starting to show signs of sickness, in complete shit. That episode caused mom to have a serious breakdown and was hospidalized and successively put into recovery.

What followed that episode was years of complete mess. My depression got worse, sis found love and left home to stay with him, mom came to meet a person who she felt love for and at the time helped her recover and come out of her heartbroken shell, which while she was happy with him, both me and sis saw something was wrong with him. And soon enough, a couple years later his true nature started to show, but mom was too blinded through anti-depressant meds and other stuff and it took her 3-4 years before she was finally able to leave him just this month. Until then, it was a complete mess between them and us.

In these recent years however, between all the mess that happened to which I only have bad memories of, something good did happen. I started learning more about myself. Thanks to a failed attempt at consulting a psychologist, who turned out to be an old incompetent witch, I was finally able to figure out the one fear that was ruining me all those years, it turning out to be a fear of others’ judgement upon whatever I am or do. And while I still didn’t get over it, it has helped to at least aknowledge it.

Then, the best year for me happened. In 2017, as I had given up on trying to get attention and a following after so many years of envying other artists I admired, I got into a game I would have never guessed I would have ended up liking. I started having fun with my art and ideas again, drawing mostly for myself. And just like that, I started getting quite the following for the content I delivered for it. My art made a lot of people happy. I can still remember the warmth in my heart from those days.

Then it got even better. Not even half a year later, I randomly doodled one particular character, from an old project I had given up on working on for the lack of interest on it, during a stream. My watchers loved him. They wanted ot know more. It sparked the itch to revisit the idea just for the hell of it. I drew a little more for it. People loved it. The happiness I felt in those days was immense. I kept playing with that project. People loved whatever I drew. It was liek a dream.

But dreams eventually end, and between what was happening in real life at the time and the shift of attention getting away from my content, it contributed in my depression to come back with a vengeance and make me feel worse about myself.

Then, 2019 arrived. This year was, a complete mess, even more than the previous years. Mom was struggling between leaving her companion who turned out to be a piece of shit and trying to finally start gaining any money with her new job who she has been struggling with for the past 2 years. And I have reached a point in which I was seriously scared of my future, and eventually accepted the offer my sister and mom proposed to me. As in temporarely move to my sister’s new home in order to find a job in her area. What I found was a seasonal job, which turned out to be hell for me. This was the worst summer of my life... but it also allowed me to grow as a person. I came to realize I was still a kid and needed to grow up, I finally got comfortable with driving on a road... but eventually returned home after the job ended as I didn’t want to be a bother to my sister. I was convinced that now that I had a vehicle of my own, it would have been easier for me to find a job in my hometown’s area. That was a mistake. Then mom returned to live back at home definitely, with her ex companion keeping tormenting her for all these months... and I ended up with the car incident in which my bike ended up getting damaged beyond repair.

I feel like I’ve taken steps back and returned at page one with my life... but you know what? I’m optimistic. I feel motivated in making something out of this year. I WANT to conclude something out of this year.

This past decade has been a mess, but I’m optimistic that this new one can, and will, be better. It just starts with a thought.

“I want to be productive.”

For @outreotter​ <3

(Another one that got way out of hand, also I haven’t managed to read over it mine soul is on Jupiter locked in a fridge sorry. Posting it as text under the cut because tumblr remains awful about my ask box~)

“If you're in some kind of trouble, you can tell me.” Christopher doesn't steer far from her hip as he welcomes her into the lounge room and she falls into the couch. 

“What makes you think I'm in trouble?”

The responding look is one of disbelief, he hardly has to be reminded who he's talking to. 

“Okay, okay sure. I'm avoiding someone, and your- the door wasn't locked, and I thought-” Amanda sees the incredulous synthetic stand opposite, arms folding across his chest, “oh my God, this was such a bad idea. I'm just- yeah, I'm gonna go.”

“Wait!” Samuels catches her with urgency, she freezes at the edge of the couch. “Stay, for a tea? I haven't seen you in a year, it's been odd to say the least, and concerning- the radio silence after all we've been through, and suddenly you're in my hallway, I- it would be nice, to catch up.”

She sits back down, nodding slowly. “Tea never hurt anyone. But just tea, then I gotta get back to work.” 

“Amy- Ripley,” he corrects himself as she flinches to a microscopic degree, “it's Sunday.”

She knows what he's getting at, calling her out on any reason to leave in a hurry. “Is it?” Her voice drags with a heavy sarcasm even Christopher couldn't miss. “I had no idea. Mostly because I've been working non-stop for about five weeks. Fucking staff cuts left us with half the crew and double the work, and I can't even complain because I'm one of the fortunate ones who still has a job. And-”

Samuels watches as she sinks comfortably into the couch pillows, ankle crossed over the other knee. It's funny that such a simple movement reminds him how flexible she is, especially her hips. 

“Sorry,” she groans and scrubs at her eyes, “that's exactly what I'm doing right now isn't it?” 

“It’s quite alright. I'm interested and happy to listen.” 

“It’s just, my whole crew was made up of contractors, once their time was up, they didn't want to bother renewing and The Company saw the opportunity to save some dollars.” Amanda huffs, “fuck all the rest of us I guess.” 

Samuels nods compassionately, pacing over to the kitchen to put the kettle on, leaning over his elbows on the bench. It's amazing how unique this synthetic has developed compared to all the others, since the breakup she had never struggled to speak to other Samuels units, though identical, she never saw his face in them. But him, Christopher, he could be standing amongst a hundred others and he'd be the sole blip on her radar. 

“You're obviously not easily replaced,” he means it in more ways than one, “maybe take it higher to HR, they could always steer you in the right direction. I’d be happy to help, if you needed anything from Legal-?”

Ripley smiles, pulling her hair over her shoulder and sliding her forearm behind her head. “Any excuse, you haven't changed a bit,” she laughs, definitely joking though not far wrong, “but I don't want to bug you for help. You've done enough for me after everything, and I already owe more than I could pay you back in years.”

“We had years,” Christopher says simply, fondly, an ease in his voice that Amanda can't tell is reminiscing or final. Or which one she would prefer it to be. “And they were good years. Consider your debt paid. However nonexistent it is.” 

She gently scratches her fingertips in the hair behind her ear, letting out a resigned sigh as he prepares a few mugs. 

“How long have you been back?”

“Two months.” She says with a hard stare. He doesn’t look upset or surprised by the fact that she hadn’t called around to visit, but curious. “I moved in with- with someone, in the hab units, y’know the permanent accommodation ones? By the bay. Nice view, but really quiet.” By that, she means lonely. “Figure I may as well set myself up if I’m going to be around for a while.”

“Oh, I see. Have you…” He starts, taking a moment to compose himself a little better, stripping the desperation out of his voice. “Have you found someone? Human?” He adds a little unnecessarily. 

After him? Hell no, she thinks. She had her shot at love, at life, at everything, and she blew it. What the fuck would she even do with a new lover but silently wish they were someone else? Someone in particular. 

“No, God no. I've just, been around.” She says nonchalantly, which isn't a total lie. A few dates, made a few more friends, he always said she needed more of them. 

“Anyone right now?”

Amanda doesn't mean to laugh, a little sadly, looking directly at him. “Always.” 

“Oh.” 

The synthetic doesn't seem surprised by the revelation, in fact, he doesn't look anything. 

“Dammit, Chris. Have you turned your emotional programming off again?” Amanda knows him, and knows he is smarter than to lie to her, so he stays quiet. “You're getting worryingly good at faking it. Even convinced me for a while there. Why the hell?” 

Samuels tugs his tie loose with a finger, a movement usually telling of his synthetic measure of anxiety. This time however, it looks more habitual. His face is icy, unbothered, his eyes relaxed under a numb brow. “I found it easier to function.” To cope. “How did you know?”

Ripley gets up and wanders to the other side of the bench, hands wringing at the edge of it. “Because this isn't you, Samuels. Even before you met me you were emotional, sentimental, and now you're just- just like all the others. But worse actually, because you're choosing to be.”

As if she hadn't spoken at all, he finds another subject. One he would experience an immeasurable amount of panic over had he been able to feel anything at all. “Did you ever find any more answers?” His controlled hand pours boiling water into two mugs. “To the whereabouts of Ellen?”

“No, and turns out I didn't want them anyway.” Amanda doesn't need to try to sound convincing. “It's a huge universe out there and I could look for my entire life, waste- my entire life, and not even get a net to the bottom. I'm finished. It's what she would have wanted, I think.”

“I believe you're right. It's what we all wanted for you. To find some peace.”

“Closure.” She smiles weakly and he nods. “I’m getting there. One step at a time. First things first, I still gotta settle into my new joint. Make it, I don’t know, comfortable. Like this place.” 

“You're always welcome to stay here. It is half your house too.” Christopher stops himself from saying home, something it hasn't been in over twelve months. “There is a spare room or two.”

“I couldn't intrude like that. You probably have a whole social group, a girlfriend, boyfriend, both, who knows. Feels wrong to kick your door down so suddenly,” she says, a little downhearted. The synthetic opens his mouth to assure her he absolutely doesn't, but she trudges onward. “Thanks though, Chris. I’ll keep it in mind.”

He resigns to nod, knowing first hand that corralling this woman never ended well in the past. “Offer isn't retractable, not that you won't let yourself in anyway. Clearly.”

Amanda takes her tea with a thankful smile, leaning on her elbows. The man across mirroring her. “Hey, yeah.” She rests the rim of the mug to her chin. “Why was the door unlocked?” 

“It’s silly, really.” He finally looks away, perhaps considering dishonesty. “I haven't locked it since you left, since I didn't know if you still had a key or not. I'm not sure what possesses me to do it, but I thought of this place as a safe haven of sorts, for if you ever need.” He finds himself looking into the face of a woman who knows her soul is being x-rayed. “Good thing too, came in as a handy sanctuary, from mysterious pursuers.” 

At this she rolls her eyes. “Okay, you got me. There wasn't actually anyone, I just wanted to drop in but something came over me. It was as if-” she takes a sip and shrugs, “it was just dumb.”

“As if what?” 

“As if- I was coming home I guess. I was just going to knock but before I knew it, I was standing in the hallway, and then you were there and, yeah, I panicked.” She finds herself smiling along with him. “You should turn it back on, by the way. Your feelings. It's not fair that I'm here all shaky knees and racing heart and you're just a slab of limestone.”

His face falls. “I don't think that's a very good idea.” 

“Why? What's wrong?”

Samuels straightens off the bench. “It just isn't.”

Amanda doesn't push. “Y'know, if you need someone to talk to, support, I'm here. I might not have always been but, I am now.” 

He thinks for a moment, remembering the times when his ex-lover would break down between his legs in the bath, against the wall of the hallway, when he came home to her tiny frame hunkered behind the couch, terrified, knife in her defensive hand and sweat beading on her forehead. She'd always let him be there, let him in, and he never allowed her the slightest room for guilt. 

It had been months since Samuels felt anything, since he became lost in processing grief, regret, anxiety. Why would she leave? How could she? Would she ever come back? But above all, could she ever come back? He knew Amanda would follow the trail until the end, whether it be of the line, or her life.

If he were to tune into all of that now, should the dam crumble, he doesn't think she should be around to see it. But if she leaves, it may be for good, truly, this chance as fleeting as her.

“Amanda, I- I would, but I haven't- not in a long time. I have reason to err on the side of caution, that it may not be something you want to witness.” Samuels' report is composed, even as he fidgets with the mug handle. “I have no clue what to expect, but suspect it will not be pleasant.”

“Keeping shit bottled up is only going to break you. I’m not going to push, but let me help you, if you need. Anything. No expiry date.”

Samuels rubs his hair back, disturbing the perfect form that somehow always defied not only the weather, but her playful tussling. He seems defeated by the fact that he has nothing to lose. “Could I-” he starts, placing his drink down, “Could I just trouble you for a hug?”

Amanda recoils, she doesn't know why her reaction is of surprise, not until she remembers where they stand. Square one. Or perhaps more accurately, not even on the same tile at all. “Yeah, course you can.” 

She takes the initiative to wander over and feed her hands under his arms, dragging them together tightly around his chest. Without hesitation he takes her around the shoulders. 

He hasn't changed a bit, still warmer than he should be, still wearing the same deliciously oaky cologne she brought a few Christmases ago. The one he wore because he was convinced he smelled of chemicals. Like new silicone baking trays. Amongst other things. And he still holds her as if she is vanishing before his very eyes. 

Now more than ever, she thinks. Even at her scariest, most dire moments, when his hand was the only thing holding her to the face of the Earth, he never squeezed so desperately. 

“Samuels,” she whispers, turning her face from his shoulder to nestle into the crook of his neck. His grip eases as if foreseeing the 'you're hurting me' or 'that's enough now' coming. “When was the last time you had a rest cycle?” 

“Since the morning.” 

“You sleeping every day now?” Amanda steps back hesitantly, her thumbs rubbing his forearms. 

“No,” he clarifies. “The morning I woke up and you were gone.” 

Her heart gives a punishing ache, but presented with the opportunity to make things right, she wasn’t going to screw it up again. “’Kaye. C’mon. Bed with you. Now.” 

“I'd rather be here. You're due to go to work soon and I haven’t seen you in-”

“Fuck work. You need me. You need somebody.” She wriggles up behind him shoves his waist forward. “Rest cycle for you, then if you want, I'll duck out and pick up some dinner. Maybe Italian and a bottle of wine, and if you're really lucky, or the wine is good, I'll stay the night. But only if you’re prepared to turn everything back on over dinner and we talk about this. Properly.” 

“Wait, you'll truly stay?”

She nods her head as he peers over his shoulder. “Couch or spare room. Or would you prefer I went home? Just figured, you might want the company.”

“No! No, of course I do. Please.” He's not even able to change out of his work suit before he's pushed roughly on the bed, the throw rug at the base is dragged up to his chin. Amanda at least unfastens a few buttons of his shirt and unhooks his tie. “What will you be doing while I rest? It'll take-” he seems to calculate, discomfort and disappointment falling over him, “four hours, twenty-five minutes.”

Ripley flops down the the bedside chair, pulling out her phone. “I'll just be here, for when you come to.” 

“Alright.” Christopher hums, rolling onto his side, his eyes fluttering closed. Looking as close to a dead battery as she had ever seen him, though physically at full charge. “Before I- I am out, I want you to know, I’m so happy to see you, Amanda.” 

“Happy.” She teases gently. “And how can you tell without-?”

“They’re already back online.” 

Markiplier Fluffy Collection Chapter 3: Shock Collar

Chapter Summary: Dark is alarmed when Yancy from another universe appears in one of the unused room, clearly terrified and a little worse for wear.

Note: Hi everyone, this is my newest chapter. This was meant to be chapter 4 but because the story that was originally going to be chapter 3 isn't finished yet this is going to be chapter 3. 

This is fluffy angst. Yes, I'm aware I'm a horrible person for putting him through hell, no Dreams I'm not telling you how  Yancy ended up back in Happy Trails. 

You'll have to wait for the chapter and no matter how much you threaten to shank me I won't tell him. At you know he gets out

Length: 3,530 (6 pages) 

Tag List: @doctordiscord123, @wilfordwarfstacheisbae, @wilfordwarfstacheisbae, @matt10nt, @andybemarky, @devon-rever-860, @scuttling-thoughtfully, @lamiasluck, 

Link of Ao3

Dark had felt a strange presence in the manor had gone to investigate, it felt similar to when someone from another universe was transported to the manor, he was concerned when he found Yancy curled up in one of the spare rooms with nothing more than a worn blanket and ratty pillow. He was shivering and looked terrified when Dark walked into the room.

"Yancy, what are you doing in here?" Dark questioned walking over to the ex-convict slowly, Yancy didn’t answer, just curled into a tighter ball, pulling his thin blanket around him more, trying to hide as Dark walked closer. It took Dark a few seconds to realise this wasn’t their version of Yancy but a different version. If the lack of scars on his arms and the brown leather collar he was wearing.

It had two D-rings on either side and a thin rectangular box held in place by another leather band. Dark knew he had to be careful, he didn’t want Yancy panicking, particularly if he, like their version had wings. He had seen the sort of damage Yancy’s wings could do to someone.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll do a better job next time, I promise, I'll do anything you want, can I please go back to my cell," SC Yancy pleaded, his voice a horse whisper. Dark felt sick and his resolve to kill Warden Murder-Slaughter in a very painful way got stronger. It seemed the Warden was only a respectable person in one universe, in the rest he was an abusive arsehole who put Yancy (and likely the other inmates) through hell.

Despite being in charge of looking after and providing for them during their stay in Happy Trails State Penitentiary.

"You have nothing to apologise for. You're safe now," Dark reassured, kneeling next to SC Yancy gently pulling him into a hug, the young ego tensed though soon relaxed when Dark started to run his back and hum softly. SC Yancy soon slumped against the person holding him, feeling safe for the first time in a very long time.

He was finding it harder and harder to do so and soon fell asleep against the man. He had no idea how he ended up in this room, he had been in solitary with nothing more than a blanket and pillow. The room was always cold, the blanket being nowhere near thick enough anymore to be even remotely warm, but it was something.

He leaned more into the man holding him, they were warm and solid and far more comfortable than the ground.

He tried to keep his eyes open but was finding progressively harder to do and soon fell asleep. Dark stared down at SC Yancy and sighed sadly wondering what sort of hell his version of the Warden had put him through. He smiled when he felt the soft brush of feathers against his arms and gently started to comb his finger through the unseen feathers.

He clicked his fingers and warm and fluffy blanket appeared and he carefully wrapped it around SC Yancy and picked him up and walked out of the room, ensuring the ego in his arms remained asleep wasn’t’ difficult as he walked into one of the spare bedrooms. Yancy was about to start drinking his coffee when the tattoo on his right hand started to burn and tingle.

He put his cup down, closed his eyes and held his hand, breathing through the pain, hoping it would pass soon. Before he went on parole and come to the manor he had no idea what his knuckle tattoos burning and tingling meant but he did now. Dark was angry about something. He traced Dark’s name, hoping it would calm the entity down. It only worked some of the time depending on how upset he was.

Finding out Yancy from another universe had appeared in one of the unused rooms wasn’t exactly a shock but it expected either. They had visitors from different universes all the time. It was something they were used to. It took a few days for the ‘Main’ egos to finally SC Yancy, when they did, they noticed the differences right away. SC Yancy wasn’t as muscular as Yancy nor was he as tan.

He has the same tattoos as Yancy, but they were different somehow, standing out more against his pale skin. He had brown leather cuffs around his wrists. The way he held himself was different as well. Even though he wasn't hunched like Eric was when he first arrived, he was still noticeably shorter than Yancy.

It was only when Yancy got up and stood next to him did they realise it was because he was younger than Yancy which was mind-bending and confusing but something they had gotten used to.

"How can he look younger than you?" Ed questioned staring at the two-winged men, readjusting his hat when the slight wind from Yancy’s fluttering wings made it tilt over his eyes. It had taken them a while to get used to Yancy having wings and the unique problems that come with that. Thankfully Yancy’s wings were often intangible making things easier though there was almost always a slight breeze from his wings flapping and fluttering.

Yancy laughed, shaking his head as he walked over to the fridge. His wings continued to shift and flutter. They flared briefly as he started to rummage around in the fridge trying to find something. It was easy to read Yancy’s mood if his wings were visible. It had taken them a while to understand how Yancy’s wings reacted to his moods. The near-constant breeze had taken some getting used to.

"I'm only 34, I’m not that young," SC Yancy replied staring at Ed, he looked remarkably like Eric when he was annoyed with them. SC Yancy looked like he was maybe a year or two older than Eric. The younger ego had stopped hunch so much after Google had given new prosthetics. It was startling to realise just how many of Eric mannerisms were dictated by his prosthetics.

"That would mean youse are 13 years younger than me and 11 years into youse 24 year stay at that Hell Hole people call Happy Trails Penitentiary," Yancy commented absentmindedly as he dug around in the fridge trying to find something. His wings puffed up in annoyance as he moved things around, he leaned more into it. They had found their fridge could a ridiculous amount of food.

It was bigger on the inside, much like the TARDIS, except for food. Ed, Google, Eric, Bim, King, CJ, RJ, Host, Reynolds, Dark and Wilford stared at Yancy as he finally pulled what appeared to be cupcakes from somewhere in the fridge. Bim frowned, he didn’t remember baking any cupcakes recently. The plate of cupcakes were frosted and much bigger than the ones Bim usually made. Reynold's eyes lit up as soon as he saw them.

"Yancy, that doesn't explain how he looks younger than you," Bim stated, Yancy, closed the fridge with his hip and turned to face them, one cupcake already in his mouth. Eric had to stop himself from laughing at the sight. Yancy glared at Eric, holding the plat closer to him when Eric started to make grabby hands. Bim had to stifle his laughter when Eric pouted, crossed his arms and glared at his brother.

He really was too cute.

"I may look 30 but I'm 47. I tend to look younger than I am," Yancy explained munching on the cupcake. Eric lost his battle and started to laugh at the shocked look on everyone’s face. A lot of people had always said he looked a lot like his brother. He had no idea what they had meant. He didn’t look anything like his brothers. The only person he looked like was Yan.

"It’s true. Yan looked like he was 23 when he was 18 and 18 when he was 23. It was hilarious. Hand over the cupcakes. You can't hog them all to yourself," Reynolds answered holding out a hand for a cupcake only for Yancy to glare at him. Bing had noticed how possessive and protective Yancy was of anything given to him, be it blankets, clothes or food. He wanted to know why but didn’t want to find out at the same time.

“No, it wasn’t Voorhees, it was beyond irritating.  People generally don’t believe them when someone who looks like their 18 and should be in school that there is something seriously wrong with their car. I can and I will,” Yancy snapped, Reynolds sighed, shaking his head knowing it was hopeless to try and get food off of Yancy.

If he had thought Yancy was protective of possessive of his food and bedding before he went to prison, it had nothing on when he got out.

Reynolds had always put it down to Yancy having 13 younger brothers and having to put up with them stealing his food and bedding but hadn’t thought much of it after that. It was only after Dark and Matthew had rescued him did he start to suspect the Warden had taken away his food and bedding at times as a form of punishment when Yancy did something wrong.

The thought of Yancy got getting anything to eat or having to make do with a very thin blanket in a very cold cell made something cold settle in Reynolds stomach. He knew the Warden abused Yancy not only physically but emotionally and mentally.

Playing with Yancy's expectations, saying he would punish Yancy for doing something wrong one time and not punish him and then punishing him the next time he broke a 'rule' (whether known or unknown) even though he said he wouldn't. It had seriously messed with Yancy's head. He never believed anyone when they said he 'wasn't in trouble' because of the Warden's treatment.

Reynolds knew from Eric had told him of his eight-month stay in Happy Trails Penitentiary that the inmates were only allowed a certain amount of food for each meal. If they did something wrong their food would be restricted or they would be given more if they had been good. He had mentioned or more than one occasion that the Warden would often restrict how much Yancy could eat for weeks at a time.

Forcing him to rely on the other inmates to get him enough food. Then there were times where he was given more than he could handle but he ate it anyway because he had no idea when he would next get to eat that much. It was horrible and depressing but explained why Yancy, for his first week at the manor and after he had come back from Happy Trails would eat a large amount of food faster than a normal person.

Even though Yancy knew he was going to getting another meal, Dark had repeatedly reassured him he would never be hungry while he was in the manor, he still did it anyway because he wasn't convinced Dark would actually let him eat during the next meal. It was something they had learned after Dark and Matthew had retrieved him from Happy Trails after he disappeared.

The cautiously hopeful look on his face when Will had given him some bread and soup (he hadn't eaten much during his three-week disappearance thus couldn't stomach much rich food) was heartbreaking. He acted like he expected Dark to take away his meal at any minute something Reynolds was sure the Warden had done to Yancy.

Thus he learned how to quickly eat his food so the Warden wouldn't have the chance to take it away from him. SC YAncy appeared to have been treated the same but on a more severe level. He would eat his food as quickly as possible but not as for more even though it was clear he was still hungry and wanted more but was afraid to ask.

Very afraid. Yancy had been nervous and cautious about asking but he had never been outright afraid to ask for more of anything.

“Do you want some more?” Wilford questioned when he saw SC Yancy staring at the stew. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something when he stiffened, he eyes widened and his wings appeared flapping and fluttering. He stumped after two minutes, his wings folded against his back, shivering. Not once in those two minutes had his hands moved from the table, or did he make a sound.

He was shivering, his wings and arms would occasionally jerk.

“N-no, I-I’m not hungry,” SC Yancy answered, his voice horse and thin, Wilford knew it was a lie. He knew SC Yancy was still hungry and wanted more food but wasn't going to ask for anymore. A bread roll appeared on his plat, he went to reach for it but stiffened again, it last longer this time. Each time he tried to reach for the bread roll he was offered.

Each episode lasted long and long, he eventually let out a painful sounding whine and started to tug and scratch at the collar around his neck.

Soon enough the scratch marks started to bleed. Yancy stalked over to CJ and RJ when he heard them giggling and grabbed the black remote they were holding and switched it off. SC Yancy slumped against the table sobbing a little. CJ and RJ looked alarmed when they found themselves staring up at a clearly very pissed off Yancy, his wings flared out on him either side of him making him look bigger and threatening.

“What do you think you’re doing and where did you find this?” Yancy demanded, holding the black remote like the thing was going to bite him, the twins grabbed the remote and pressed something before darting out of the room. SC Yancy let out a pained whine, his fingernails digging into his neck, his legs kicked against the chair.

Yancy growled and crushed the remote, SC Yancy slumped, tears leaking from his eyes as he stared at the table. Yancy walked over to the younger convict and easily removed the collar revealing what appeared to be two strange dots on the side of his neck along with what looked like scratch and cut marks.

He flinched when Yancy touched his neck and unbuckled the collar. He removed the trap holding the rectangular box and throwing it in the trash before putting the collar back on gently though not before putting tissue between the collar and cleaning and bandaging the scratches before putting the collar back on.

“What the hell is that thing?” Eric questioned staring at the strange collar. The look on Yancy's face was frankly scary. SC Yancy flinch and looked like he wanted to pull away but didn't. He wrapped his arms around his waist and seemed to curl into a little ball. It was painful. Wilford wanted to give SC Yancy lots of hugs.

A cold feeling settled in his stomach when he saw the blank look on Yancy's face.

He had improved a great deal since Dark and Matthew had gotten back from Happy Trails Penitentiary. He didn't act like that very often, but it was jarring when it did happen. It was almost like he was a completely different person. He acted a lot like Richard. Reynolds had mentioned that was how Yancy had acted before he had gone to prison.

The timidness as a result of Derek's treatment of him and his time at Happy Trails State Penitentiary

“That, Eric, is a shock collar. Come on, those scratches need to be clean out,” Yancy answered flatly before grabbing a few bread rolls, pulling SC Yancy out of his seat and out of the kitchen, likely heading up to his room which had its own bathroom. As he led younger convict out of the room Wilford and had noticed the cuffs around his ankles.

Sharing a worried wondering how much Murder-Slaughter had abused this version of Yancy as he stumbled, his legs not working correctly, Yancy sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist as he led the younger prisoner to his room. SC Yancy stared in shock when he was led into a nice-looking room with dark walls, extremely soft carpet and a huge bed.

He flinched a little as he was led into the bathroom and his collar was removed again and the scratches were cleaned again, bandages were wrapped around his neck, but the collar wasn't put back on.

“He’s not going to hurt you again, not if Dark and Matthew can do anything about it. They not going to stop you from eating,” Yancy reassured after he walked back into his bedroom with a spare set of clothes. The younger convict took the clothes with a smile and quickly changed, trying to stop his limbs from shaking. it was embarrassing that he even needed help at all.  

“A-are y-you sure?” SC Yancy questioned, his voice thin and horse thanks to the shock collar. Yancy nodded, dragging him over to the huge bed. The growled when he saw the cuffs around SC Yancy's tights and just under his knees and knew exactly what it was for, knowing his version of the Warden likely chained him up, either to his bed or in solitary using the collar and the cuffs.

He crawled into bed and pulled the 34-year-old into a hug, encouraging him to curl against his chest as he wrapped his wings around him, completely covering him.

“Quite sure. They’re not like the Warden.  They do care about us. You might not be from this universe but while you’re here your safe,” Yancy replied shifting a little as the younger man got more comfortable, his arms trapped between his and Yancy's chest. SC Yancy looked up at him, it was strange seeing his own face looking down at him yet not recognising it.

“S-So I won -won’t be tied up every night?” SC Yancy asked timidly sighing and snuggling closer when Yancy just nodded. The Warden used his collar and cuffs to tie him to his bed every night. He was unable to move or stop anyone from doing what they wish to him if they entered his cell. He was usually tied up with his back facing the bars.

He learned to eat all the food given to him as quickly as possible before the Warden or the guards got impatient. He never asked for more, if he did then he would be shocked. The other inmates had taken to feeding him when the guards weren't looking knowing they were allowed to eat as much as they wanted.

Yancy was the only with the food restriction. He knew he would never escape Happy Trails State Penitentiary. The Warden would never let his pet go no matter how much he begged and pleaded. He was just thankful he still had his wings. He had no idea what he would have done if the Warden had removed them.

He had noticed the scars and bite marks on Yancy's arms and couldn't help but wonder where they had come from but didn't dare ask, he didn't want Yancy angry with him. He knew very well what he was like when he was angry.

CJ and RJ were alarmed when they were dragged to the meeting by Dark's aura. They had no idea why the 'Main' egos were upset with them and knew as soon as Dark started asking questions that they had blacked out again. It had been happening more frequently recently. Dark did not look pleased when they told him they didn't remember leaving their room to go to breakfast.

They didn't want to hurt anyone and yet it somehow kept happening. From hurting Prince to tying Yancy to a chair and leaving in a cold dark room for hours and now they had electrocuted a badly abused version of Yancy, it didn't matter that he was from another universe. It was alarming but they had no idea how to stop it.

It was like they were puppets and there was nothing they could do but dance to their master's tune.

SC Yancy jerked awake in the middle of the night, he didn't remember falling asleep. It was dark and warm which immediately had him on alert, his cell was never warm. He couldn't move, whatever was wrapped around him was tight but not uncomfortable. He tried not to panic but it was impossible, he thought he had finally escaped but he could still feel his collar and cuffs.

Whatever was holding tightened when he started to struggle. He stopped when he felt something pressing against his face and opened his eyes to a dimly lit room when he felt the warm weight move off him and saw his own face staring back at him. It took him a few seconds to realise where he was and he relaxed knowing he was safe but he could still feel his collar and cuffs.

"Hey, calm down, your safe now. He'll pay for what he did,"

Note: There done. Only a little over half of this story is edited. I'll edit the rest tomorrow. This chapter is 3,422 words and 5 pages long. 

After editing its 3,530 words and 6 pages long. I will be doing a sequel to this mostly SC Yancy and Yancy grooming each other's wings and snuggling.SC Yancy gets lots of hugs.

Operation Eros - Part 3

Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 1847

The blush looks good on Steve, covering his cheeks and tinting his ears.

He clears his throat. “Captain Handsome, reporting home.”

The door clicks open and Steve holds the door open for you. “Welcome home Captain and guest.”

You break into a huge smile and fight the giggles as you move into the entry way. “Captain Handsome?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “It’s Tony’s system. He chose the code names and I can’t for the life of me figure out how to change it.”

You laugh as he moves in and starts leading you into the tower. “Well I like it. Very Tony, though.”

“He alternates between that and Capsicle.” Steve chuckles with you for a moment. “FRIDAY, team location report please.”

“Of course, Captain. One moment.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You can find out where everyone is at any time?”

“No, not always. We can tell FRIDAY we want to be ‘offline’ and she hides our location unless emergency protocol is activated. And for the most part we try to respect each other’s privacy.”

“The Captain has a guest! And so late at night. Cap, I’m please to find you are finally bringing home a friend…” When Tony rounds the corner, his face shows confusion but amusement as your eyes meet.

“Privacy, huh?” You say to Steve in an attempt to hide the burning in your cheeks.

“Y/n. What a pleasant surprise. I had no idea you were the guest FRIDAY was reporting to me.” Tony pops out his hip and leans against the rail of the landing he was standing on. The look on his face has turned smug and you wonder if he is up to something.

“You have your teams guests reported to you Tony?” You laugh.

Tony smiles wider but doesn’t make the joke you see shining in his eyes. “I have everyone who comes and goes from the tower reported to me for at least 24 hours after a big mission.”

As you watch his face you get a good sense of his reasoning. He does well hiding it behind that smirk but you see in his eyes that he wants to keep his team safe. This solution probably gives them some amount of freedom as well as satisfying Tony’s protective tendencies. “Well,” you start, smiling and holding the bag in your hand up, “We come bearing sustenance.”

Tony’s eyes finally find the bags and coffee in your hands. “Woman, you are a God send.”

Steve laughs and motions for you to follow him up the stairs. “Team to the kitchen Tony?”

Closer to Tony you can tell he had just recently showered and can read the same exhaustion in his muscles that you see in Steve. He has a dark bruise peeking out from under the collar of his t-shirt and you wonder how hard he had to be hit to get that while in the Iron Man suit. “Roger that Captain. FRIDAY, send an all page to the team, report to the kitchen please and thank you.”

One by one you are joined by the Avengers, each incredibly grateful to be met with warm food and drinks. From what you gather, food around the compound is fend for yourself and after missions everyone tends to be too tired to care about how hungry they are. You try to cut out and let them be, but they insist you stay and eat with them.

Some hours later, you’re seated between Steve and Loki when you try to stifle a yawn. It’s 3am after all and you have no idea how they are all awake.

“I believe the lady is tiered.” The God of Mischief’s eyes are playful but kind as he pushes your shoulder with his.

“No, no. It’s nothing.” You stifle another yawn and he grins at you.

You catch Steve looking at the clock and furrowing his brow. “Do you open tomorrow?” It takes you a moment before you concede under his gaze and nod. Steve sighs out your name. “By the time you got home you would need to turn around and come back. You should have left hours ago…”

“It’s fine really. I’ll just stay up. When you all are done, I’ll just go hang out in the shop until opening.” You knew you’d be kicking yourself in a few hours, but you had let time get away from you.

“Unacceptable.” Tony shrugged as he sat the last part of his sandwich down and waved his hand in the air. “FRIDAY?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Please prep a guest room.”

Before you know it, you have a guest room in the tower, a barrowed set of pajamas from Natasha that don’t fit quite right, and a promise from Pepper to have your work uniform cleaned and ready in a few hours. You can’t be sure, but you have a suspicion that Tony made sure the room he had prepared wasn’t far from Steve’s because he offered to show you the way up as it was on his way to his room. As you lay down to sleep, in the Avengers Tower of all places, you wonder at how surreal things have become.

This staying over becomes more common place for you as the months go by and soon you have left a few things in the tower for the nights you need to just stay and your normal guestroom is pretty much just reserved for you.

It was one of those nights, one the team was coming home late, when Steve found you crying quietly in the back of the shop. He’d let himself in quietly but when you hadn’t greeted him, he had started to worry. “Wow, sweetheart. Hey, what’s wrong?”

His movements as he approached were slow and measured, not his normal rush to your side. Hands finding your shoulders he gently turned you to him. One hand ran up and down your arm and the other went to brush a tear from your face.

God you didn’t want him to see you like this, but you were tiered, and it was late and you could only hold stuff in for so long. You manage to clear your throat a little. “It’s nothing, Steve. Have you guys eaten?”

“No, no. You don’t get to brush this off. Not when you’re like this. What happened?”

You sigh and shift from foot to foot. “I- my boyfriend… I left him.”

“Oh.” You know you aren’t imagining the way Steve’s body tenses and how he pulls back just a bit. “Boyfriend. I- I’m sorry about the breakup. He’s a fool for hurting you.”

Shaking your head, you move back closer to him. “It’s complicated but not like that. I- I’m mad at myself.” You bring a hand up to scrub away some of the tears before going on. “Colin was my boyfriend a few years ago. We had dated for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. He had trust issues, I had my own stuff going on… we broke up like two years ago and he left the city. But he moved back last month and reached out. I figured it couldn’t hurt. You know, for old times’ sake, to give it another try…”

You couldn’t tell Steve you had only decided to give Colin another chance because you wanted the distraction from the feelings you felt rising for… someone unattainable.

“Sweetheart you don’t have to explain…”

Maybe you don’t have to, but you started and now you just want to get it out. “It was stupid, Steve. I don’t have feelings for him at all anymore. I knew I didn’t going in. So, we just… fought. All the time. He still has trust issues, said I was in love with someone else,” You tried to breeze past that because you weren’t sure that it was wrong, “he hated when I’d come home late even though it wasn’t like he was waiting around for me. He made that perfectly clear by sleeping with a different ex of his yesterday…”

“Oh, y/n.” Steve’s body softens again as he pulls you flush to his chest.

A hiccup escapes you, but you are done with the tears, you are done crying over that jerk. You nuzzle your face into the fabric of Steve’s stealth suit breathing in the unique sent of him mixed with the smell of a mission and you feel at home. Damn it, Colin was probably right about your feelings for Steve.

After a few minutes, during which you had wrapped your arms around Steve’s waist without realizing, you sigh into his chest and mutter. “Www shhhhd et uh teem um ood.”

Steve chuckles, “Excuse me?”

Sighing again you pull your head back. “We should get the team some food.”

He brushes back some hair from your face. “Doll, no need to worry about them, they can take care of themselves. You don’t have to face them right now.”

It doesn’t escape your notice that Steve hasn’t loosened his arms from around you “I want to be with my friends right now, Steve… I-”

You don’t get to finish you sentence as the bell on the door chimes. “Hey, Steve, I- oh.” As Bucky moved into the shop Steve pulled slightly away from you and Bucky’s face lit up in a grin. “Am I… interrupting something?” In his eyes you see that look that Tony had in his not so long and you can’t help but wonder what they are up to.

Smiling back, you shake your head and remove yourself from Steve’s arms, regretfully. “No, punk.” You pat his arm as you move by him. “Did you come to help carry the food?”

He chuckles, eyes glued to Steve for a bit as if trying to silently communicate with him. “No, actually. I came to tell Steve that we got the lead we were missing. We have some intelligence to go over and a mission to plan. The sooner the better.”

Steve sighs and runs a hand over his face. “Alright, let’s get Tony and Nat in on this too, and maybe Bruce. Let’s meet in the conference room in 10.”

“Oh no you don’t. Not without food and coffee. I know all of you. You probably haven’t eaten in two days, to focused on getting stuff done and saving the world.” You start to pull stuff out of a cupboard. “Both of you, over here. Bucky can you cut those into slices, and Steve can you get the bread and boxes out?”

And just like that you feel better. You feel at home with the team.

Ever the gentleman, Steve keeps your breakup a secret but is diligent in checking up on you. Even on the mission they had quickly got underway, he had made sure once a day to message you. When he can he comes by the shop on your breaks, when he can’t get away, he has you come over to the tower when you get off. Soon you realize that Captain America, Golden Boy of the USA, has become your best friend.

Tag List:

@georgialeighc13

Break-up AU Part 3

Hermione is on the end of her tether, which is the only reason why she thinks it would be a good idea. Several sleepless nights and extreme stress and worry can do that to a person. She’d been making a lot of good decisions lately, so one bad one had to have snuck in somewhere.

Except, staring at the hitman she had somehow tracked down, the voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Hyacinth chimes in, ‘This is a bad idea’.

She knows that!

But desperate times called for desperate and ill-advised measures. So.

“What?” the hitman asks, going so still that she’s abruptly reminded of a snake eyeing a target.

“Hyacinth is missing,” she repeats, the words rubbing her throat raw on the way out. “And we’ve tried everything. Her house-elves are all in coma’s. Blood tracking is blocked, as is magical tracking. And, Look. I know the two of you broke up but the only way left is the muggle way and you’re the only muggle I know who can find her.”

Reborn takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

“How long has she been gone?” he asks.

Hermione takes it as agreement and almost sags with relief. Almost, because if she does, then she would fall asleep. She’s so wired up that anything might set her off.

“Two weeks,” she says. “We don’t know who took her. They left no trace. It’s like they erased everything.”

Reborn shook his head, eyes going distant as his focus shifted inward. “Or like they had a very powerful Mist or a Storm.”

He pats her on the shoulder. “I’ll take care of this. Get yourself some rest.”

Hermione blinks as the hitman walks past her. Hyacinth had told her that Reborn was kind. She’d just never seen it until now.

.

.

Reborn starts calling up favors.

First, he calls Hibari, because if anyone in the Vongola is keeping track of human trafficking, it’s the Foundation.

Next, he calls Verde.

“Has anyone asked you to invent a way to block magic?” he asks without preamble.

There is a pause so incredulous that Reborn could hear it in the silence. “Magic, Reborn?” Verde asks scathingly.

He rolls his eyes. He would have been sceptical too, except he’d seen his lover turn the coffee table into a lion.

“Yes, magic. Except they probably coached it in a way that is scientific? Likely some sort of energy, or a radiation? Probably in the shape of handcuffs, a wrist band, or something?”

Really, if he had kidnapped a wizard, looking for a way to block the magic is the step before knocking them unconscious. It had to be something hard to remove and not so noticeable.

The silence at the other end is not incredulous as contemplative. “...Someone did ask me to make specialized anklets a month ago,” Verde admits. “I still remember who ordered it, but if they’re any half-way decent Mafioso, they would have used a false name.”

“A false name is a start,” Reborn prods, flames quivering with interest. Which. He’s not examining that. He is going to ignore the way his very Will quivers at the thought of Hyacinth in danger. Nope. Denial, thy best friend is Reborn.

.

.

Hibari might be in a bad temper because of Reborn, but that’s alright because they just plugged several smuggling routes.

Lal and Colonnello come up dry as well, which pisses all of them off. No one likes having their competence questioned.

Finally he resorts to Viper.

He loves living comfortably and he hates relying on anyone when he can do it himself, which is why Viper is always the last resort. Besides, her Thoughtography is cheating when it comes to tacking down people. It makes it so easy.

“Reborn,” Viper greets in that dry, deadpan tone.

“I need a location. Whoever took her are professionals. There is absolutely no trace.” That pisses him off too. There is always a trace somewhere. Someone always got clumsy.

“A moment,” Viper says, not even pausing. It’s a testament to their long acquaintance that Viper doesn’t demand payment upfront. “A name?”

Reborn sighs out “Hyacinth Potter,” which gets him a choked off cough in lieu of the sneeze he’d been expecting.

“I thought you broke up?” they demand. “Wait, her people couldn’t find her?”

Reborn had forgotten momentarily that Viper knows about magic. He pretends not to be too shocked.

“No. She’s blocked from magical tracking and blood tracking,” he snarls.

Viper muffles a curse and the sneeze he’d been waiting for occurs. After a moment, Viper says, “This is Rome. I have no idea – wait, that’s the Tiber River. Reborn, she’s very close.”

With a savage grin, Reborn drops the call.

.

.

Reborn has seen a lot of things in his life, but he had never seen anyone who could block Viper’s Thoughtography. It’s an amazing skill and one that is unique to Viper alone.

He sneaks inside the mansion and has his suspicions confirmed. The kidnappers are magical, and no mafia are involved at all, aside from the initial kidnapping.

Damn, he could use the back-up Hermione had offered, but he would rather do missions alone. And adding other people meant that he increased the variable risks involved.

Two floors down and he finds her, locked in a room and practically seething with so much anger that her flames are showing in her eyes. Her captors don’t notice at all and continue on obliviously.

There is a food tray placed near her that she is ignoring and Reborn’s heart melts without any warning when he sees her give them all a look full of scorn.

“I don’t care what your demands are,” she says calmly. “I’m not involved in the Ministry anyway.”

A handsome man with a charming smile pats her shoulder. “But Miss Potter, your friend is involved! You can simply convince her.”

“What you want does not matter to me. You lost the right to civilized conversation the moment you killed my house-elves and took me from my home,” she says, the calm finally breached by rage.

It makes Reborn shiver.

At that moment, the man in charge is finally fed up and raises a hand to back-hand her across the face. He could see Hyacinth preparing to roll with the force of it, not bracing herself. (Which meant she’d gotten hit enough times to know how to minimize the damage...!!!)

Reborn finds himself stepping forward and shooting the raised hand all at the same time. The plan is completely torn to shreds and he does not mind at all.

Everyone turns to look at him and he saunters forward, not a care in the world but very much focused on how Hyacinth’s eyes shimmer with unshed tears.

“What are you doing here?” she demands.

The man steps forward, snarling over his injured hand. “I do not care! Kill him!”

Spells start flying around and Reborn dodges them all without breaking a sweat, firing back rounds of bullets shining with Sun Flames, making the bullets fly at speeds they could not avoid at all.

He doesn’t kill everyone though, just crippled most of them. Killing shots while dodging takes a bit more thought than Reborn has. And. He can’t think with Hyacinth just a foot from him and looking at him like that.

“Merde, you are a troublemaker,” Reborn mutters, checking his bullets.

Hyacinth jingles at her bound wrists impatiently. “Then why are you here, if I am such trouble for you?” she demands.

Reborn holsters his gun, unmindful of the heat from the barrel. “I came here because your friend Hermione found me and asked me to help find you. Which I have. End of story.”

The ropes come loose and Hyacinth accepts the lock-picks he hands her for the magic-restricting anklets. Then, she sets it on fire with a vindictive flick of her hand.

“Ah yes, your job,” she says.

The amount of derision she packs into the four words is impressive. If it hadn’t been directed at him, Reborn would be impressed.

“Yes, my job,” he agrees. “You’ve made your opinions about my job perfectly clear, Hyacinth.”

She shivers involuntarily, and then scowls at him. “Don’t. Don’t say it like that. Don’t say my name like that. You don’t get to say it like you still care about me.”

“I don’t!” he shouts, finally fed up with everything. He wants to walk away from her, but something is rooting him to the spot. He can’t walk away, or everything would start to hurt. “I don’t care! Don’t put words in my mouth.”

She stands her ground. “I know you don’t, which is why it hurts. You walked away from me without even arguing for us, Reborn. So. Stop acting like you care! Because you don’t!”

He gets into her face, which isn’t what he would usually do for arguments. “You think it was easy? Walking away?”

She goes still. “If it wasn’t easy, why did you do it?”

Every breath hurts, but he doesn’t let it show. “If you loved me, why did you never go after me?” he asks, voice small.

Her face crumples and she hunches in on herself.

“I-I tried,” she says. “By the time I could stand up, you were long gone.”

She looks defeated. A year ago, he would have wanted to see this, but it is not that time now. Now, it’s just wrong.

He sighs and looks around in an effort to distract himself, and finds that he had been so absorbed in arguing with her that all those he’d just maimed are propping themselves along a wall and watching them with wide eyes. Like they’re a show.

His temper boils over and he cocks his gun, making everyone in the vicinity flinch.

“Wait, we surrender!” one of them screech. There are seven survivors.

“Don’t ever touch her again,” he snarls. “Or you’ll find out what my real job title is and my gun will be the last thing you’ll ever see.”

He grabs her hand and tugs her to the exit. He ignores the way her fingers curl against his.

.

.

Hyacinth runs into Hermione’s open arms.

“Are you alright?” Hermione asks, concern in her voice. “You look terrible.”

“I’m starving,” Hyacinth announces. “And you have no room to throw stones, you look just as bad. When was the last time you slept?”

“Yesterday,” Hermione says. “Your ex let me sleep while he rampaged all around Italy for you. The news reported it. There were explosions in the span of three hours after I informed him.”

Hyacinth’s heart skipped a beat. She tells herself it doesn’t matter. She ignores the warm concern Reborn had directed at her before he’d noticed her looking and pretended indifference again.

“Let’s just go home,” she whispers.

Hermione nods at Reborn. “Let’s settle debts via owls, later. I’ll get her home.”

The hitman, who had been watching a few feet away, nods. His face is guarded.

Hermione looks at the both of them and wants to sigh.

.

.

Reborn corresponds with Hermione in the matter of payments via owls.

He doesn’t accept Galleons, but he accepts favors. Favors from a witch are more important than money.

He doesn’t hear from Hyacinth and he pretends that it doesn’t make his flames ache.

Thus, he is considerably surprised when Artemis the screech owl arrives instead of the usual barn owl that Hermione uses.

“Dinner at CiPasso? Just to catch up.”

He hesitates. But. He misses her. Talking to her had been the highlight of his day.

He flips the paper over and answers, “Set the time and I’ll be there. Don’t be late.”

He shoots Tsuna when the Decimo points out that he’s smiling.

.

.

Okay, let’s just...stop there, alright?

I fixed the break-up. Now they’re ‘trying’ to get back together.

Merry Christmas, now stop flooding my inbox with your tears.

More I Love You’s (Tae x Reader)

Description: It’s been 6 months since Tae and Y/n have seen each other.  They are brought together to make a video, interviewing each other as exes.  As the questions dig deeper, more truths come out.  With the emotions flooding back in, Tae and Y/n realize that this interview was doing much more for them than they thought it would.

(Inspired by Hurt Bae)

Genre: Angst, fluff Warnings: Talk of depression, not too deep though. Word Count: 1,123

A/N: So this was once an old work of mine, but one of my favorites.  I decided to rework it and make quite a few changes so I hope it doesn’t disappoint.  Thank you for reading and let me know what you thought!

Your POV:     

It had been 6 months since I had last seen him.  I knew that we were about to enter the room at the same time to sit in those chairs, face to face, with nothing just a stack of questions and never-ending eye contact.  Sat in the center of a nearly empty room were two, tall director’s chairs set so that we would be across from each other.  A couple cameras were set up to record with the camera men standing behind them, just waiting for us to take our places.

I never thought that I would be in one of these “exes ask questions” videos, but when I was told that Taehyung was asked to do one, I felt like I at least owed it to him after the way we left off, so reluctantly I agreed to do it with him.   

“Y/n, are you ready?” I turned to face the producer who had set this whole thing up.  I’m sure my eyes were filled with fear and hesitancy.      

I took a deep breath and nodded my head.  Was I actually ready to face him?  Did I have enough time to prepare myself for what was to come?  I wasn’t told ahead of time what these questions were going to be.  It was obvious that there would be questions that would catch me off guard or would be ones that I didn’t want to answer, but I signed the form that I would be completely honest and open throughout the whole thing.       

“Is Taehyung in place?” she said as she pressed the ear piece closer, waiting for the answer.  “Okay, perfect, let’s get ready.” She placed her hand on my shoulder, “You’re going to do great.  We can take breaks when needed and you don’t have to ask to get up.  If you feel like you need a moment to gather your thoughts and feelings, feel free to step out when you need to.  We aren’t doing this with malicious intent; this is a safe space.  Speak what needs to be said.” Her hand gave my shoulder a quick squeeze.  “Do you need a tissue?” she handed it to me without waiting for my response.       

I looked at my feet the whole time I walked to my seat, too many thoughts racing through my mind for me to comprehend.  Once I was standing next to the chair, I looked up to meet Tae’s eyes.  He looked at me with a warmth that made my heart skip a beat the same way it did the first time he ever looked at me.  He looked at me like we had never broken up.       

We both picked up the notecards from our seats before finally sitting down.  It took me a solid 30 seconds to adjust in my seat whereas it only took Tae a moment to find a comfortable position.  He tapped his cards against his thigh to straighten them up, his eyes still trained on mine.      

“Would you like me to go first?” he asked quietly.  “Don’t feel like you have to.  Whatever you’re comfortable with.” he gave me a crooked smile, trying to ease my nerves.       

“Yes, please.” My voice could hardly be heard.  It was like it had caught up in my throat and was fighting to get out.       

“Okay.” He lifted the first card, reading it to himself before sharing it with me.  A small smile formed at the corner of his lips, “How did we first meet?” he placed the card at the back of the stack.       

I thought to myself and laughed a bit as the memory came back to me, “We were both at the local cafe.” He flashed a toothy smile, “You were ordering so many drinks and I really needed to get to work.  I was losing my patience until you turned around and flashed me that boxy smile of yours.”       

“I was trying to surprise the guys with drinks, but I had deleted the note on my phone that had what they wanted on it.” Taehyung filled in the next part, shaking his head at himself.       

“You kept trying to get ahold of them, but no one would answer.” I added, thinking back to that day.  I had noticed Tae continuing to press the screen of his phone, put it to his ear, pull it down, say “One moment.” to the barista and try someone else.       

“And you,” he pointed right at me, “you let out the loudest sigh I had ever heard in my life.  EVER!  And then you asked me how many drinks I was ordering.” He broke out in a small fit of laughter.       

I nodded, “I did.  You were taking too long.  I had somewhere to go and you weren’t getting the job done.”       

“And after I told you I had to order 6 other drinks for my friends, you listed your top 6 drinks from the menu and ordered for me.  The guys loved those drinks by the way.” He grinned, before nodding at the cards in my hands.       

Flipping the top one over I read it aloud without taking a look for myself.  I figured that it would be a better idea to just get it out.  “Did I ever do anything that made you question whether we were supposed to be together or not?  If so, what was it?”  The question rolled off my tongue much easier than it would have if I had read it in my head first.       

A frown formed on his face, his eyebrows knitting together.  He was taking a while to respond and it was making me more nervous than it probably should have.  “Nothing you ever did made me question us being together.  You were everything I hoped for and more.”       

My lips tightened, folding in as I tried to fight back the emotions I was feeling.  He said it in such a light tone, but the hurt that was in his eyes made my heart want to explode.  I tried to find the words to respond with, but my thoughts were like fireworks, response after response exploding in my mind, but fizzling away all too soon.       

Before I could even say anything he read his next card, “If you could describe our sex life in 3 words, what would they be?” I was surprised at how well he held it together as he asked.  I knew that he wanted to explode with laughter by the playfulness in his eyes.  He always struggled to take things seriously.       

I bit my lip to suppress my grin, “Amazing, loving, and…” I tapped my chin, “adventurous.” I absentmindedly played with a piece of hair that was brushing against my face.      

“Oooh, adventurous!” he wiggled his eyebrows and shoulders at the same time.  I immediately hid my face in my hands, embarrassed yet amused by his response.  “Don’t be so shy!” he leaned forward and gently hit my leg with his cards.      

“I can’t help it!” I argued, you’re embarrassing me.  I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I pulled out my next card, “What’s your favorite memory of us?”       

“Oh I don’t even have to think about this one!” he clapped his hands together.  “My favorite memory is when we went to the amusement park and you forced me to ride that horrible roller coaster!”       

“It’s the best ride in the whole theme park!  You were being such a baby about it.” I giggled.       

He shook his head, laughing, “When we got off I ran to the nearest trash can and threw up everything I had eaten for breakfast that morning.”       

“And then to make you feel better I let you choose the next three rides.  They were all pansy rides.”

        “But, you acted like they were the most exciting rides in the whole park, just for me.  That whole day, you made sure that I was happy every second.  You made it so that it was one of the best days of my life.  It was that day, as we were spinning in that tea cup and your hair was flying in your face as you laughed while you spun us in circles, that I knew I loved you.  Each time we were together, I was at my happiest.  We had an epic love.  I won’t find a love like that ever again.”       

“We did have an epic love.  Nothing will ever compare to it” I admitted, wishing I could relive all the moments we shared.       

He cleared his throat, “Next question.  What was your first impression of me?” he raised an eyebrow.       

I shrugged, “That you were a goon.  A cute goon, but a goon nonetheless.”       

“You loved every bit of this!” he held his hands out as if to say, ‘look at me’.       

I shook my head, trying my best to cover my blushing.  “Let’s move on.  Are you in a relationship now?” my chest tightened.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer, but the question had already been asked and there was no taking it back.       

“No.” he answered.  Short, sweet, and to the point.  “Are you?” he retorted.       

“That’s not your question to ask, it’s mine.” I raised my brows at him.       

“So you are.” He deadpanned.      

“No.  I haven’t talked to any other guy since you.  But it was my question to ask, so…” I made a childish face, poked my tongue out at him,  and placed the card at the back of the stack.       

He chuckled, “Always have to be sarcastic don’t you?”  I shrugged in response, “I miss your sarcasm.”  We both got silent.  He immediately looked down at his next card, “What was your favorite thing about me?       

“Your smile.” I responded.  “Your smile when you were excited, your smile when you were happy, your smile when I told a horrible joke, when we rode roller coasters, when we were at comedy movies.  The way you smiled for me when I was sad and when I needed courage.  You’re smile whenever we were together.  I love your smile.”       

He purposely grinned, flashing that heart capturing, boxy smile.  He kept moving his head back and forth to make sure that I saw each angle of his infamous grin.  Of course I laughed because almost everything he does makes me feel an unexplainable joy that was unique to only him.       

“You were the reason I smiled.” He told me calmly.  Of course he had to pull on my heart strings a little more.  I was already feeling numerous different emotions and his actions and comments were only making those feelings stronger.       

“You were the reason I smiled.” I answered truthfully.  Again we shared a moment of silence before moving on.  “What is the one thing you regret about our relationship or regret not doing during it?” I asked.  Why did these questions have to go so deep?       

His head turned to the side, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.  He kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t get himself to turn to me.  I let him take his time; I didn’t want to rush him.  “I regret not telling you I loved you more.  You deserved more ‘I love yous’.  I wish I would have told you how much I love you every second of every day.”       

The tears started to well up in my eyes as he finally looked at me.  The tissue that had been sitting on my lap was now in my hands, ready to soak up any tears when they finally fell.  He had seen me cry enough already during the breakup; I didn’t want him to see me cry again.

I pushed myself up from the chair, setting the cards down on the seat.  My feet carried me out of the view of the camera and off set.  Taehyung didn’t follow me, he remained in his seat, his head turned back to the side again, only this time his eyes were focused on the floor.  I could feel my heartrate picking up and my breathing going deeper than it had in the past 6 months.  My hands were covering my face as I took the time to collect myself.  It was 3 long minutes before I built up the courage to return to my seat.      

“Sorry for making you wait.” I mumbled as I returned to my position.       

He shrugged, “It’s okay, you needed a break.  I didn’t mind.  I’ll always wait for you.”       

I tried to ignore his comment because there was only so much more I could take before I had a full on meltdown.  “It’s your turn.” I gestured towards the final card in his hand.       

“Oh, yeah.” He whispered.  “Okay, my last question is… Why did we break up?” his voice trailed off at the end.  “I don’t even know the answer to this question; you broke up with me and never told me why.” The curiosity in his voice was almost overshadowed by the pain.      

When we broke up there were so many things going on in my mind and when I made the decision I just left him with only a few words spoken and a thousand tears shed.  He deserved more than that but I was too much of a coward to tell him the reason.       

“I… I broke up with you because… I just…” I stuttered through my words.  I never thought the day would come where we would be sitting face to face with nowhere to run, and I would be forced to answer this question.  “I broke up with you because I wasn’t okay.  Slowly, I started to feel lonely even when I wasn’t.  I was filled with a sadness that couldn’t be lifted.  It weighed heavy on my shoulders and on my heart.  There were things that were going on in my life that I didn’t share with you because I know how easily worried you get.  I was just so sad.”       

“I could have helped you.  Why didn’t you tell me?  We could have worked through it together!” his voiced raised a bit but not too much.       

“Taehyung…” I took a deep breath.  “Tae, you were the only thing that could make me happy, but when you were gone my world got darker.  Do you know how scary that is?  How scary it is to know that you are depending on one person to bring happiness into your life?”      ��

“If you would have told me…”       

I cut him off, “If I would have told you that would have put pressure on you.  Pressure that you didn’t deserve.  I needed to learn to be okay on my own.  I can’t depend on someone all my life.  It was up to me to choose the path, it was up to me to choose recovery, and it was up to me to let you continue on your journey without me holding you back.  There were many times I wanted to call you.  I wanted to tell you what was going on.  I wanted to ask you to rescue me.  But I had to be my own hero.”       

He ran his hand through his hair, a frazzled sigh leaving his mouth.  “What happened?” he whispered.       

“I was depressed.  At first I thought that there must have been something to trigger it, but there wasn’t.  Sometimes people just get sad and there’s no explanation.  I started to pick apart everything in my life.  I wasn’t happy with the way I looked.  I was constantly searching for flaws on myself; it was almost an addiction for me.  I hated my job.  I chose to do what was safer rather than follow my dreams!  I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to tell the stories built up in my imagination!  I wanted to tell our story!  And… I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.” Once I finished I took a deep breath.  I closed my eyes so that I could just breathe.  The silence allowed me to hear my own heartbeat, my pulse pounding in my head.  I could hear Tae’s breathing.  It was a sweet rhythm that brought me peace faster than anyone else could.       

“You were always enough for me.” I felt his hand take mine in his.  “You are always going to be enough for me.”       

“But in my head I wasn’t even enough for myself.” I made eye contact with him.  “And I deserve to be enough for myself.”  I turned his hands over and traced the lines imprinted in them.       

“How do you feel now?” he asked, his eyes watching my fingers dance against his skin.       

I smiled, “These past 6 months I’ve been working on myself.  A big part of it goes into my writing.  I’m almost done with the first draft of a novel I’ve been working on.  I’m happier now.  It’s a work in progress, but there have been many successes.”       

“I’m happy that you’re feeling better and I’m happy you’re writing again.” He encouraged me, “I hope you continue to do so.”       

“I haven’t finished it quite yet…” I lifted my fingers from his hand, leaning back against the chair.  He leaned back as well, looking hurt that I pulled away.  “There’s one more question by the way.”       

“Hit me.” He said, tapping his hands against his legs.       

“It says… Do you still love me?” my hands tightened around the card.  “You don’t have to answer that.”       

He held up his hand, “I will always love you.  You were my world.”       

I felt the tears roll over my lips as I gave him a close mouthed smile, “And you were my world.”       

We sat there, eyes connected, voices off.  The workers dimmed the lights around us, leaving us in a peaceful darkness.  The cameras were turned off, all of the room was silent.  I stood up and Taehyung mirrored my actions, our eyes still trained on each other’s.  He stepped forward, his hand sliding up my neck, delicately pulling me closer to him.  He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine.  I could hear the shuffling of feet carrying the camera men away, leaving us two alone.       

“God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered.  I could feel his warm breath against my lips.       

“And I, you.” My fingers lifted and played with the hair at the nape of his neck.   

“Please, come home.” I could feel his thumb moving in circles against my skin.  

“Okay.” I whispered, lifting my head a bit.

“I told you.  I’d always wait for you.” He kissed me softly, wholeheartedly, and gently.  And although I never quit loving him, I somehow managed to fall even more in love.

I hope you enjoyed it!  This is dedicated to @gcfstae

50 Questions Tag!

@jongin-be-my-jagi​ tagged me for this a while ago, but I took my sweet time to answer. Here is my secret intel if you want to know me a little bit more!! Check hers as well, she’s an amazing writer and friend. 1. What takes up too much of your time? Tumblr, my stupid procrastination prone brain and my thesis. 

2. What makes your day better? Friends and loved ones, music and these absolute dorks (Channie especially) 

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? I hopped on the mat today in the early hours of the morning, rain on my window and the neighbours cat peeking at me from his window across the street.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? Wonderland, bacause it’s “curiouser and curiouser!”

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.  Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

5. Are you good at giving advice? I think so. Not so good at following my own advice though.  I do always consider where the other is standing and if I don’t know how to proceed then I’ll just be honest and say I can’t help. But i’ll always listen with my heart. 

 6. Do you have any mental illnesses? Not diagnosed. I do think i might be going through something now. 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, but i have a recurring nightmare: the world is made of black and white paper thin layers. I am a paper thin person walking along a street surrounded by paper thin buildings. I walk for a long time, looking up at the white sky. Until the street ends, there is no more building and i fall into the abyss of a blank page.  I have had this dream since the age of 8 or 9 years old. Fear of not being good enough, you say?! Ding, ding, ding!! We got a winner in the back!  8. What musician inspired you the most? I get inspired by music all the time!! One of my all time favourite songs is Spanish Sahara by Foals. Its sublime!

So I’d say I’m mainly inspired by these artists: Queen, Arctic Monkeys, Foals, Radiohead, Bowie, Daughter, Bob Dylan, Beirut, Yeah yeah yeahs, Arcade Fire, The National, Joy Division, Blur, Warpaint, Gorillaz, Sufjan Stevens, Bon Iver, Chet Baker, The Cure, Courtney Barnett, The Maccabees, Car Seat Headrest, Florence + The Machine, Editors, Kasabian, Crystal Fighters, Death Cab for a cutie, The Doors, Efterklang, Explosions in the Sky, Franz Ferdinand, The Horrors, James Blake, José Gonzalez, Los Campesinos!,  Metronomy, Nick Cave, Nina Simone, Patrick Watson,  Phoenix, Sharon Van Etten, The Shins, Simon & Garfunkel, The Smiths, St.Vincent, The Strokes, Toro y Moi, tricot, Tune-Yards, TV on the radio, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, The Vaccines, Vampire Weekend, The Velvet Underground, The War on Drugs, Wild Beasts and Yo La Tengo.

And the electro, pop and hip-hop groves of my heart: EXO, 2NE1, Janelle Monáe, Big Bang, Kris Wu,LCD soundsystem, SBTRKT, Childish Gambino, Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar and Daft Punk. 

And special mentions to the portuguese ones (learning from yixing and promoting when i can :P): Capicua, Joana Espadinha, The Legendary Tigerman, Linda Martini, Mayra Andrade, Noiserv, Ornatos Violeta, Paus, Samuel Uria, You Can’t Win Charlie Brown and The Silence 4. I know, tldr right? Sorry folks! 9. Have you ever fallen in love? Yes I have. I have mistaken a crush for love too. But i have definitely been very deeply in love. A wrecked kintsugi heart over here people! 10. What’s your dream date? I don’t think I have one. I’d love to do something unique with that someone special, something special for the two of us. It could be as simple as riding the subway while sharing earphones & listening to our playlist or walking the dogs out! Idk, I’m easy to please. But right now it would have to be with this handsome man :D pretty please?!

11. What do others notice about you? I am very kind and warm hearted, so I think that’s what people first notice when meeting me. Although I maintain good eye contact, I am also timid and will be quieter if there are very energetic people in the group. When alone, I usually take the first step and try to meet people, but only if i really must.  12. What’s an annoying habit you have? It’s really hard for me to ask for help. I also like to tell detailed descriptions of everything... Couldn’t you tell? 13. Do you still talk to your first love? I’ll text him on his birthday and he does the same to me. We met when we were 10 years old and that childhood friendship remains. But regarding my one and truly deep relationship, no we do not talk, unless we randomly meet.

14. How many exes do you have? I have three exes. The first love who was just an idealized crush on my childhood friend: we dated for 2 weeks during summer break xD Then my first real boyfriend, we met in my first year at university, dated for quite some time, he really loved me and made me love myself a little more. Finally the one i loved too much. I mended his wounds and made him love himself as much as I did. I always say all the love we feel makes our hearts grow bigger. I do not regret loving any of them, I am me now due to them and I would not change it if I could. 15. How many songs are in your playlist? I have way too many playlists for each and every mood... But my favourite songs list on spotify has about 1500 songs! uwu!  16. What instruments can you play? Triangles and flute?! I had mandatory music classes in school... so in reality I can’t really play a instrument...

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? Probably my cat, Sushi. With a second close of my doodles and sketches. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die? EVERY WHERE!!! But I really want to go to Japan and Scotland and Iceland and South Korea and New Zealand and i’ll shut up. 19. What’s your zodiac? Capricorn. 20. Do you relate to it? Sort of.

21. What is happiness to you? You know when it’s really cold outside in the winter and you manage to find a sheltered place where no wind can hit you and you still get to feel the warm rays of the winter suns on your skin? You hear the birds outside and you are contempt in that moment, at peace. That is happiness to me.   22. Are you going through anything right now? Yes, I am a bit lost. Trying to finish my thesis and trying to find what I want to do after. It’s liberating but also pretty scary. 23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? It’s a series of small decisions really. It started with going for a phd with the same people i worked in my msc. Should have gone to a different place. Then deciding to come home after a traumatic loss in the family. Should have kept my life going but I stalled it then. (I don’t regret helping my loved ones though).

24. What’s your favourite store? Probably Wishtrend for beauty stuff. Other than that I don’t have any favourite brands/stores. 25. (HALFWAY!) What’s your opinion on abortion? I think everyone is free to decide what they want or need to do. I couldn’t possible judge. If I would it? Probably not.

27. Do you have a favourite album? I don’t think so, I have favourite tunes for different moods and moments in my life. But if threatened with my life, I’d maybe say Total Life Forever from Foals.

28. What do you want for your birthday? It’s such a long time until my birthday comes! But maybe a real EXO ot9 reunion as a goodbye to Minseok?

29. What is most people’s first impression of you? Friendly and easy to open up to, i think.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? In real life, people usually think I am way younger than I am.  31. Where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping? In the crook of my bed, between the mattress and the bed frame.

32. What word do you say the most? No idea really! 33. What’s the oldest age you’d date? 40s? I don’t think too much about age actually. 

34. What’s the youngest age you’d date? 20s? Again not very important to me. Love is love, whomever, whenever and wherever <3

35. What job / career do most people say would suit you? I don’t know! People always say i don’t totally fit in anything... so there’s that. If you have an idea please let me know! 36. What’s your favourite music genre? Go back to question 8. I listen to everything! :D 37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? I’d like to live around the world, every few months a different place and get to know different cultures.

38. What is your current favourite song? I’ve been obsessed with RM’s intro/teaser song, Map of the Soul: Persona. (I’m not even a bts fan, but this music and lyrics just touched me a lot.)

39. How long have you had this blog for? I think for about 6 years? It’s my personal space, where I dump all my obsessions.  

40. What are you excited for? I’m visiting some friends in Granada in a couple of weeks. Yay, tapas!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? Normally I am a better listener. But there are a few people to whom i open like a book. Either words flow right out of me without even thinking or they see throw me. Those truly are my people.

42. What is the last productive thing you did? Prepped meals and cleaned the kitchen. Open the folder and file of my thesis. Read the latest chapter I wrote.  43. What do you want for Christmas? Well, just like for my birthday, there is still such a long time to it! But let’s say i want to have already finish this part of my life and want to find my next adventure.

44. What class do you get the best grades in? No more exams! Ehehe! But I used to have good grades at everything. Physical Education was my lowest mark i think.

45. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now? Right now, a 4? I have a headache.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Smiling? :D I want to be happy in my own skin. To feel contempt in my life, doing something that gives me a sense of purpose and having time to share and enjoy with my friends and family. 47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Oh my kintsugi heart has been broken quiet a lot. By friends and lovers and even by myself. I keep patching it up with gold dreams though.  48. At what age do you wanna be married? I will only want to be married if i find the one. So until then I guess. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child? I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina. Preferably both!

50. What do you crave right now? Just sitting somewhere and listening to Yeol play the guitar.

Well i finished it! :D I’ll tag @thedeviousdo @ohsenhun @hongseok and @paepsi. I’d love to read yours! Feel free to dismiss it though, it is quite a lot.  Lots of love everyone!! <3 <3 <3