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vexxandra · 1 year

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𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲?

↪ TW PLEASE READ: Might contain topics that are difficult to hear, such as some truths that you might not be ready to hear at this time. I won’t hold back in this reading, so only read this if you really feel called to.

↪ Though I am psychic, I don’t know your whole situation, so take these with a grain of salt, only take what resonates!

↪ Energies are always shifting-- what might be the case at this current time could be totally different a few months or weeks later!

↪ With peace and love, don’t fucking read this after I warned you that I won’t hold back in this reading, then comment and complain that this wasn’t the super happy-sugarcoated reading that you wanted. I didn’t force you to click on this post, and I sure as hell didn’t force you to read. I’m just reading the cards, so don’t shoot the messenger!

a/n: apologies for not including an advice section, but im not a good advice-giver. i’d suggest reading a pac from someone a bit more empathetic and nicer.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞

how are they feeling about you at this current time?

↪ four of swords, page of swords, the world, nine of cups rx

as soon as the four of swords popped out, i saw that this person might be taking a break from you or this connection. they might be trying to get their mind off of it and distract themselves with other opportunities, mostly career-related, as i can see with the page of swords. with the world, i heard ‘i can see the world with you’, though its kind of contradictory with the nine of cups rx. so with the world, they obviously see you as a person who deserves the world as well as all the lovely things that inhabit it, but with the nine of cups, they dont feel as if theyre right person for you. or they just dont think a happy future with you will play out.

what are they thinking of you at this current time?

↪ two of swords rx, nine of wands, eight of cups rx, four of wands

whilst the energies for the feelings are mostly concerning the future and third-party related subjects, their thoughts are completely and wholly related to you. with the two of swords rx, i can see even more that they are trying to distract themselves from this connection. they are avoiding something that must be done to either progress or end this connection. this person could be emotionally unavailable but afraid of being alone or something else. the nine of wands tells me that they are exhausted regarding this connection. for some, its in a more negative way for a some of you, but for others, this person is trying to do whatever they can, and is juggling quite a lot of stuff atm, and just does not have time for romance. now some of you might be asking, as i am; ‘why dont you just end things them? why do you stay?’. well, with this eight of cups rx, this person is afraid of change and of being alone. but with this four of wands, its also because they love you so much. they dont want you to hurt, and they dont want to leave you behind, even though this is clearly not working out.

what arent they telling you?

↪ the empress rx, the emperor rx, ace of cups rx, six of swords, the star

these cards flipped over while i was shuffling but stayed in the deck. that’s so weird, and never ever happened to me before so i feel like you both kind of already know these things but like, they stay in the dark because youre too scared to acknowledge them. with the empress and emperor both in reverse, you’ve both given up on this connection, and perhaps on each other. these two cards are counterparts, and yet they’re both reversed. you know this won’t work out, but youre too scared to leave, so you stay in a stagnant connection that keeps weighing stress on your shoulders. as if you didn’t have enough. this is further amplified with the ace of cups in reverse. what once was a fountain of happiness and abundance is now a steaming heap of anxiety and stress and stagnancy. the six of swords tells me that there’s a mutual desire to move on and out and into an energy of a star, towards brighter things and futures. whether that future is with the person on you mind, or with someone or something better. im sorry, pile one. i dont think this is what you wanted to hear.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨

how are they feeling about you at this current time?

↪ knight of swords, ace of cups rx, nine of swords rx, knight of pentacles

this is my second time pulling card for this pile. the first time, i just felt so unmotivated and bored that i tried again. now i feel much better. if you felt bored and unmotivated with this person, but now you feel really good and positive and content, this is a sure sign that this is your pile. anyways. starting with the knight of swords, this person feels as if you’re a force to be reckoned with. a force of nature, im hearing. they see you in a high light, they see you as an equal, or perhaps better than them. they feel as if you keep your word and get the job done. with the ace of cups, i feel as if they feel they have to be a bit careful about their wording, because you can tend to get moody and a little irritable. however with the nine of swords rx, you are their peace. youre their sanctuary where they feel like theyre safe, theyre protected, you feel like their home. and with the knight of pentacles, i really do feel like they see a good future with you. a good, happy, long term future.

what are they thinking of you at this current time?

↪ knight of pentacles, ace of wands rx, knight of cups, nine of wands

i heard the term, sweep you off your feet. with the knight of pentacles, they want to make a next step with you. you know the future they envisioned? yeah im getting the vibe that they want to start to have that with you. with the ace of wands in rx, they’re unsatisfied with the way your connection is now. they want more, and with the knight of cups, i highly feel like they want something more romantically-inclined. that’s weird, because in the feels section, i only got the slightest sign that they had romantic feelings for you, but here, i have a barrage of romantic signs coming in. that’s really weird. maybe because they want to really be sure of their feelings towards you, and maybe all their action and wants will just stay in their head. anyways, thats really interesting. anyways, moving on to the nine of wands. i really do feel like they have feelings for you, but this card is a little estranged, not fitting in, im having trouble deciphering it. so perhaps thats how they feel. they want to understand it, they want to be able to control it (for lack of better words, i promise i dont do anything like that!!), they want it to make sense but it just doesnt. it just doesnt.

what arent they telling you?

↪ four of pentacles rx, four of swords rx, the wheel of fortune, two of pentacles

before i start, i cut the deck and i saw the two of cups and the two of swords. so first of all, i highly doubt that theyll ever tell you of their romantic feelings and of the action that they want to take or fantasize of taking. moving on, the four of pentacles rx (to me) always talks about the walls of your heart falling down. coming tumbling down. leaving you vulnerable. so i dont think they really tell you the depth of how they feel. im getting a sense of fear of emotional intimacy. with the four of swords, theyre not telling you how much they light up inside (i heard katy perry firework. this is a confirmation for me that this is my pile because the last time i called my darling, he wouldnt shut up with that song lmaaoo) when they see you. the wheel shows me that they can’t stop thinking of changing with you, most likely making a next move towards you, and with the two of pentacles, i can see that theyre probably making a lot of plans regarding the outcomes if they ever get the courage to actually ask you out! all in all, this a quite positive pile. im happy for you my fellow pile twos :)

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

how are they feeling about you at this current time?

↪ queen of swords rx, knight of pentacles rx, three of swords, nine of cups rx

right off the bat, i feel extremely judgmental. this energy of neutrality and bascially the embodiment of the justice card filled my being. i heard the word sneer in my head as well. and that word ties in well with the queen of swords rx. i dont think this person really likes you, pile three. with the queen of swords and the knight of pentacles, i feel like this person feels like youre someone that takes and takes and takes without giving anything back in return. in that way, i feel like this person feels as if youre toxic, in a way. i shuffled my playlist, and the song playing right now is ‘are you satisfied’. i feel like this is a message directly from this person to you, theyre asking if what they sacrificed was enough, and i can almost hear it in a mocking way, almost like are you satisfied, your highness? with the knight of pentacles, i feel like they think that you were immovable. i feel like they tried to cope, they tried to compromise, they tried to change but ultimately, it wasnt enough. with the nine of cups, i can see that they feel like youre insatiable, they gave it their all, but it wasnt enough. they feel like theyre never enough for you. finally, with this three of swords, i can clearly see that they were happy when things ended (or will be happy).

what are they thinking of you at this current time?

↪ page of wands rx, six of swords rx, the hermit rx, king of pentacles

they are worried for you. perhaps this separation already happened, or is on the verge. you are very distraught, and this person is worried for you because they still do care. with the page of wands, i can see that they think youre kind of operating on autopilot; youre completing easy mundane tasks with much difficulty, and with the six of swords youre unable to move on. with the king of crystals, theyre urging you to find stability in yourself and urging you to enter this hermit mode youre so desperately avoiding. a channeled message from them: stop looking to others to bring you happiness. find it in yourself.

what arent they telling you?

↪ knight of swords rx, eight of swords, seven of pentacles rx, king of wands rx

they arent telling you how much your behavior irritates them, how all of their efforts to give to you are in vain, how it feels like you take everything they do for granted, and how it feels like youre trying to control them. how you place unrealistic expectations onto them, and how you never do anything for them. they arent telling you how much it angers them that this is a one sided relationship, and they arent telling you how their feelings disappeared a long time ago.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫

how are they feeling about you at this current time?

↪ nine of swords rx, six of cups, the wheel of fortune rx, three of pentacles rx

i heard, ‘it doesnt matter if the whole world is against us, ill be fine as long as i have you by my side’. this person feels like youre the best thing that happened to them. with the wheel, im seeing that this person might be prone to misfortune and perhaps streaks of terrible unluckiness? im seeing bennett from genshin. however, it seems as if they see you as their sun, their, raison d’etre. with the nine of swords, it feels as if they can confide in you their deepest secrets and their deepest dreams and accept them. they feel as if youre some kind of angel that descended upon them-- a blessing from the universe. however, with the three of pentacles, i can definitely see that they see themselves as unworthy of you. they see themselves as too bad for you, too sinful for someone as heavenly as you.

what are they thinking of you at this current time?

↪ three of cups, four of pentacles, six of wands, page of cups

they think youre all the beautiful things in the world, meshed together, and tied with a ribbon. they think youre the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth, they think so highly of you. they can see their life playing out with you, and they desperately want that to happen. however with the four of pentacles, i can see that they worry that theyre being too clingy, that theyre coming off as possessive and obsessive, and they dont want that at all! they fear that theyre irritating you and others, i can see that this person is concerned with the views and opinions of others.

what arent they telling you?

↪ nine of cups, queen of wands rx, the chariot, the magician

they aren’t telling you how much your presence in their life impacts them. they dont mention the fact that your mere existence gives them the strength to keep on fighting. they dont tell you how much they want you to stay with them. they dont tell you how much they want a happy future with them. they dont tell you how much they love you.

#pick a pile #pac #tarot #tarot reading #daily tarot #love tarot #friendship tarot #romance #friendship #sorry if you read something you didnt wanna hear #vexx.reads

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afaramir · 3 months

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hiiii denethor anon here!! wow you’re really IN IT now (denethorposting). not to add more fuel to your anger but last week i saw someone say they hated denethor. and i just realised god they don’t get him even on tumblr do they. since then i’ve been silently fuming in rage. anyway… i am very Very Intrigued by both your faramir-goes-to-rivendell-au and denethor-thorongil relationship (if you ever want to write another 800 words about this, i am here for it 👀) and this line “each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other…” fuck. fucking insane actually.

unfortunately i won’t be replying for several days (i’ve had to keep my phone in another room to keep myself from getting distracted) . my exams have started AND i’m going through some shit irl :( it’s alright tho i’ll have more Faramir and Denethor Hours soon <- chanting this constantly haha. but i am with you when denethorposting IN SPIRIT okay. oh and can we please please please have denethor december? 🙏 bye will be here soon after my exams (that will be after the 23rd march i’m afraid)

hiii denethor anon <333 i am SO sorry this is so late truly attempting to figure out how to write AND see my friends AND do things like clean my apartment and go to the grocery store while working The Job...it has eaten my life. and this week my regular coffee shop switched their hours bc i live in my old college town and they are on spring break and it has sent me directly to hell. the death of My Routine…i have coped by INCESSANTLY denethorposting on tumblr dot com. i am somehow EVEN MORE in it than i was when you sent this ask. i hope you enjoy me being truly crazyinsane whenever you get a chance to look at all those posts lol. would love 2 hear your thoughts on them. but ANYWAY as always it is so lovely to see you, i'm sorry things have been tough but truly with my whole heart i bestow upon you the strength of denethor's sixty-year psychic war (with none of the associated madness) to make it through. looking at the date i hope you are free now.

here is the mandated readmore because i have never met brevity in my whole life. u said write another 800 words and i took that as a challenge um this post is like 2000 words. well...back on my bullshit

i mean this with all the love and joy in my heart but i laughed so much. no my dear friend they do not get him on tumblr. they have not gotten him on tumblr from the beginning. if you have been spared the incessant tomato jokes i truly…[crying] I Wish I Were You So Bad. this guy doesnt even know about the tumblr denethor slander (POSITIVE) (YEARNING). its the trenches out here for real. i just live in my little bubble with me and you and like four other mutuals/Denethor Understanders and that is it.

speaking of denethor and the rivendell au. i miss the days when i was working on the faramir-in-gondor scenes. emotionally it felt like dying but i kind of knew what was going on. now i am in rivendell taking and failing this history of middle earth exam. and i am so very….the next time we see denethor for real is in return of the king. now girl…how will i survive another 80k words. i miss my boy my dear darling my tortured victim of the narrative. and according to the paragraph i just wrote faramir does too but is Refusing to admit it to himself<3

im also RIDICULOUSLY torn on how i want to resolve his arc. now just between you and me. and anyone who bothers to click that read more. I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO LIVE. GOD I WANT HIM TO LIVE. I WILL WRITE YOU A THOUSAND HAPPY ENDINGS. except its not a happy ending its a you are not allowed to die you are forced to contend with your choices you must keep living ending. because he will always be tragic no matter what. but its ALSO a you can rest now you can be at peace son of gondor you have won your war. all you sacrificed has been worth it. you have given your all when that's what duty asked you for and it has been enough. and that makes my poor heart weep.

like on one hand the idea of resolving his storyline with faramir.......the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation, some kind of understanding between them...god. delicious. i know in my heart that faramir comes home and IS the lord that denethor once dreamed of being. not playing at it...he is high and lordly and gentle and the world bends around his will and he knows exactly what to bow to and when to stand his ground and his powers are honed to a keen edge that he uses with the utmost care and. AUGH. he walks into the citadel the IMAGE of his father. it makes me feel FERAL. and how would denethor react to that. man.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HOW DO I END THE STORY. like. LOL. do u know what i mean. likelihood of me being able to just have a triumphant coronation and tie it all up with a bow is soooo small. the narrative contortions i would have to go through. to have denethor accept that and still be in character. Girl....no thank u <3 so we havent worked THAT out yet. like how much of the madness and despair do i want to put into the narrative. We Shall See. IM not politically savvy enough to get real into the weeds with it all so im kind of rotating just. a beautiful set of reunions with the fellowship. eowyn and faramir get engaged. boromir and faramir see all their dreams of a gondor restored come true. we skate over the political minefield and deeply navigate the beginnings of denethor and faramir's relationship in this new world. and among it all, within it all, is hope, and a new dawn. and curtain.

i got distracted but re: we are in rivendell. it IS kind of fun to think about the themes and narratives. i am pushing my Let Faramir (And Denethor) Be Numenorean + Let Numenoreans Be Weird agendas so so sooo hard and i am having the time of my life with that specifically. birds follow him around and pick up the tunes he sings. he hears the voices of the people he loves in his head. he falls into a river and after having a breakdown about it promptly decides that The River Is Testing Him And He Has Passed. he gets to rivendell and INSTANTLY knows that there is someone Very Like Him Here (its elrond. the elrond-elros-faramir connection has me FROTHING at the mouth. faramir looks at elrond and sees his father and sees every statue of elros in minas tirith and Knows that this here is the son of earendil, gil-estel, his brightest north star. elrond looks at faramir and sees his brother, his dear dead doomed brother, and every numenorean descended from him and all their sins and all their glories and yet, kind as summer, sees beauty and knowledge and a strange quiet man who carries all the weight of his country on his shoulders and yet knows him, knows the legends; perhaps the blood of numenor is not yet spent in the south)

i just think that Every Elf that meets faramir along the way is like woah...hold up. there's something up with THIS guy! men ARENT supposed to do that! not anymore anyway! galadriel is Lowkey Threatened by him. and isnt that beautiful. woman who could be queen of the earth sees god's special chosen boy and goes hang on a minute. Fuck. i think they work out their shit by the time the company leaves lothlorien but like...just thinking about how faramir lowkey blamed her for boromir's death in rotk! idk how their dynamic is exaclty gonna manifest but there's definitely some sort of similar mindreader2mindreader tension!

AND. um the idea of faramir travelling with the fellowship discovering that maybe...well. he has never wanted to be a warrior but he has been honed into a blade anyway. by his father and by necessity. and perhaps for the first time in his life...outside of gondor he does not need to be all that. he can be mithrandir's pupil without censure he can be scholarly and witty and cunning - he is all these things, in gondor. but there he has to be them, and now he can discover that yes, this is what he wants to be. and he has never let his father and the expectations of his position STOP him but there is always a weight, there is always the knowledge that your actions are disapproved of, and being away from that for a while is i just think. really good for him. see above re: he comes home the image of his father in a gentler time. keep honking im sitting in my car crying about denethor ii twenty sixth steward of gondor.jpg (<- my greatest creation PLEASE click the link lol)

ALSO IM THRILLED YOU LIKED THAT WHETSTONE LINE LOL i kind of blacked out when i typed it on the page. i think truly the crazy thing about denethor and faramir is that they SHOULD understand each other. they know so much about each other and yet are so incompetent at actually putting it to any good use towards, you know, improving their relationship. faramir is incredibly emotionally intelligent AND can read minds AND has taken so many of what he probably views as denethor's worst traits and turned them to gentler uses. (im talking about his powers but im ALSO talking about that thing he does when he encounters frodo and sam where he plays woe is me my brother is dead and i miss him sooo much to get on their good sides. yes of course he misses boromir more than anything else in the world. no he is not above using it to his advantage. and we see the SAME THING when gandalf and pippin come to minas tirith. hey isn't it crazy that both of them use boromir as a. manipulation chip. even after he's dead. hey thats kind of fucked up actually!) and denethor is…well denethor is denethor. ok im mostly messing around and thought that sentence was funny. i think he Knows most everything that goes on in faramir's head and yet Wilfully Chooses to interpret it in the worst ways because its just soo....very I Thought I Raised You Better Than That/I Honed You To Be My Blade Stop Defying Me. and despite all that the Problem is that they understand each other right up until they don't. they know how THEY feel about each other (incredible love that they can only express in the worst ways/think they're expressing only to be spurned by the other) but cannot POSSIBLY imagine that the other feels the same way.

ive gone on for SO SO LONG ALREADY LOL but. what do i have to say about denethor and thorongil. not enough and too much all at once. they're so toxic and awful for each other they're MADE for each other they're beautiful narrative parallels they're homoerotic besties they're bitter rivals they're pawns in a proxy war they're locked at all times in a psychic psychosexual situationship. um the enemy of my enemy is kissing me with tongue. idk i have more symbolism and actual analysis especially of the denethor-ecthelion-thorongil Issue. but we are just getting into it. so i will start with the situations bc i have two angles for this. on one hand i do think it is very fun if they constantly homoerotically circle each other for years and years and never do a THING about it. like...this is a stitching up wounds wiping blood off each others faces battle couple/situationship situation that THEN turns into a ridiculously high functioning political rival partnership bent together over books long into the night catching each others eye in council meetings using their very real disdain for each other for Manipulation Purposes and getting uh. SO hot over it. like.....Do You Know What I Mean. just. truly unresolved sexual tension THROUGH THE ROOF. it DELIGHTS me. they are always putting themselves in situations. and then NOT making out about it. AND THEY CAN READ EACH OTHERS MINDS!! THE WHOLE TIME!! SO THEY KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH THEY WANT EACH OTHER AND STILL ARENT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! like thats just really good. but on the other hand.......the idea of just an absolutely terrible beautiful toxic rivals with benefits codependent situationship. i hate you so much and you know what we DO need to make out about it. every time they fuck it is a power play and they are having SO much fun with it. they will both start arguments with each other (AND IN PUBLIC TOO) just so they can fight and make up. the mind reading...Oh You Know What I Mean. taylor swift voice we had this big white city all to ourselves we blocked the noise with the sound of i need you and for the first time i had something to lose! logically thorongil is not yet in his grubby ranger era but the idea of him being dirt smeared all the time and hanging out with prim proper polished denethor. in the fic (which does exist and DOES follow the second model) theres a scene where hes just chilling with his head in denethor's lap and denethor is actually rather delighted and devoting ALL of his copious braincells to pretending not to be. Man. well never say im not a slut for contrast. and now the rest of what i could say is simply straight up redacted for indecency so it is time for this post to be over. the last thing i have to say is that it absolutely ruins denethor's life forever when thorongil up and leaves. sometimes a situationship....anyway. MUCH LOVE TO YOU AS ALWAYS yes we will have denethor december i already have an url saved.

#from the inbox #Anonymous #denethor anon #WAIT I PROMISE ILL TALK MORE ABOUT DENETHOR AND THORONGIL NEXT TIME BUT THE POST WAS ALREADY TWO THOUSAND WORDS #I HAD TO CUT MYSELF SHORT A BIT. I HAVE A LOT MORE TO SAY LOL #i hope this ridiculously long post made up for the THREE WEEKS it took me to reply<3 #denethorposting #<- funnily this IS the url i have saved. for denethor december. life is beautiful

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raceweek · 2 years

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fun added things for mick seat shitshow:

the ferrari side

it definitely started with ferrari extending sainz for 2 years, meaning the earliest mick can get a top car is in 2025 and basically forcing him to choose between ferrari and actually driving a competitive car.

major faux pas on their end because they have spent MILLIONS on mick's development and now they're going to lose him

not to mention their highest feeder series driver is currently in f3 (because illot will go and shwartzman will likely go to hypercar next year) and will most likely not be ready in 2025, when they will inevitably have either lost leclerc to a team with a strategist or given him everything he wanted because building a team around sainz would be stupid considering he's got half the talent leclerc has and is 28 years old (and will be 30 by then lol)

they're literally going to lose a schumacher over this LMAO. the lack of race strategy extends to the contracts department i'm afraid

genuinely this team has no foresight it's so hard being a tifosa these days

#firebinotto #firerueda #LOCKTHEMUP

please ferrari hire some non-italians and non-spaniards. please

the haas side

guenther and mick do NOT get along

guenther has this weird hard on for kmag that makes 0 sense because he obsesses over his driving instead of his looks???

mick has been outdriving kmag consistently since baku

the haas is still absolute shit (slowest car at spa) and is on average the 8th or 9th worst on the grid, but mick is still outscoring zhou and tsunoda in better cars.

1&1 are one of the more invested sponsors that haas currently has, but they are there because of mick. their sponsorship with haas was contingent on haas signing a german driver.

under armour and schuberth are also tied to the team through mick, whereas kmag only brought along lunar.

based off all reports haas do NOT have the money to spare for this (they're not even meeting the budget cap) and giovinazzi doesn't have that many sponsors (or talent) either so like. we'll see

the fun bit

SO many other team principals (including horner and wolff) and other team officials (including marko i think) have praised mick on MULTIPLE occasions for his driving this year and last. they are watching him

added bonus of these teams getting one of THE most marketable drivers on the grid (he's german and he's a schumacher) without having to spend a CENT on his development because ferrari paid for all of it.

getting a driver who is very clearly extremely talented and whose talent is currently being wasted on the back of the grid making crazy overtakes to get p17

it's such a shit show because like...haas and ferrari have absolutely fucked it. mick is probably the only driver on the grid rn that could lose his seat for a year, take a year off, and get a new seat (ocon style lol)

hehe. i am afraid i disagree with…a lot of this which is absolutely fine it’s okay im not like arguing or anything and i completely get your points!!

i agree ferrari are incompetent and i think steiner is an absolute prick, but i don’t think ferrari particularly care about the money spent on having mick in the fda they’re the richest team in the sport and red bull consistently write off a handful of juniors every year and it doesn’t really impact them so unfortunately money is just an object to them

i think mick has improved recently however his average quali lap this season is 0.478s slower than kmag and he’s an average of 0.293s slower every lap in the races - i can’t see how ferrari could possibly justify putting him in one of their race seats based on those numbers and i can understand why haas would be questioning if they want to retain him

i think the haas has been really slow recently yes and i wouldn’t expect mick to pull miracles out of that car bc at certain tracks it’s really really awful. but comparing his points tally to zhou (a rookie and a driver who has four dnfs that weren’t his fault) and yuki when the alphatauri hasn’t been a quicker car than the haas the whole season. i just don’t see the value in that comparison. mick scored points in two races - austria was a great performance but silverstone there were 7 dnfs/cars involved in incidents ahead of him and he capitalised for sure and i don’t take that away from him but i don’t think he would have got points that day if not for the incidents

im not anti mick or anything i just can’t see where the justification is for him being in a better car then he currently is if im being perfectly honest, sorry!!!!

#this is a side bar but it’s been bothering me for a while #im really wondering why we have this crossover with ‘marketable’ and ‘brings sponsors’#and ‘pay drivers’ depending on if you’re white or not…it’s giving me the biggest ick tbh #asks #anon #tag later

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complete-idiot-in-love · 7 months

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Once Upon a Witchlight: Episode 46 (SPOILERS AHEAD)

This episode was SO DAMN ROUGH, BE WARNED GUYS!! LITERALLY ALMOST CRIED FROM IT FR FR

I'M NEVER GOING TO EMOTIONALLY RECOVER

OH NO, TECHNICAL ISSUES WITH THE BEAN FOOTAGE

Haha Andy and Gary Goodberry! Yes!!

ANDY GOT ROASTED BY GARY

Gary has had four wives confirmed /j

Andy is so gender, like bro give me some fr fr

Hootsie plush is so cute

Andy get off ya phone, Nikkie is DMing /j

Blue roses? Like the ones in Twig’s eyes?

OH FUCK, THERES A JABBERWOCK STATUE

Blue and red roses mixing together? I wonder what that's for

Jabberwocky vs Jabberwock debate, personally I don't care which they say cause it's literally a one letter difference.

These dudes can do either so much in one in-game day or absolutely nothing in one in-game day, no in-between lmao.

“Torbek feels bad about eating all those cookies now” Bro don’t feel bad, she practically force-fed ya like five of ‘em

I love Nikkie’s cool ass leather jacket this episode, girlboss fr fr

Torbek has IBS, that's totally something he'd have with how much of a garbage disposal he is, bro eats rubber hoses, feathers, dirt, literal trash water, basically anything he can get ahold of and expects nothing bad to happen

GRICKO STOP, IF TORBEK PUKES I'M GONNA PUKE FR FR (I HATE PUKING SOUNDS)

Frosty totally is a weird trick or treater, bro gets excited over black licorice and math

Old man frosty needs his glasses to read, such an old man

“This must be what Gricko feels like all the time” BUUUUURRRRRRNNNNN!!!!

Torbek can't read (T-T) I would definitely read to him :(

I bet money that the Vorpal sword is the one Skabatha wrote about in the wanted poster for that “Billy of the feywild” guy

WE NEED A HERSHEY PARK ONESHOT FR FR

Gideon being coaxed to try and rip the sword from the stone is so funny, i'm surprised they didn't call him a bitch lmao

Vandalizing private property is more important to Kremy then the multiple times they've ALL done indecent exposure

Father divorce arc 2: electric boogaloo /j

Torbek drinks water like a dog, bro just sticks his whole face in it

YOOOOOOOO NAT 20 FOR PULLING THE SWORD OUT OF THE FOUNTAIN YEEEEEES

My fire dad is so cool!!

“Im not afraid of this” Famous last words from Gricko considering what i’ve heard happens at the end of the episode

Torbek back at it again with the “alleged” public masturbation charges

Polycule watches Gideon masturbate and have done it before /j these dudes are so dumb, but I love em

My S/I would be grossed out at the idea though

Take “getting head” to a whole new level /j

Andy’s hair is so gender, I wish I had hair half as good as his fr fr

When they all started singing kiss from a rose I legitimately choked on my pomegranate seeds because it caught me so off guard

Gideon ranting about final fantasy is so funny because i can see my S/I being like “What the fuck are you talking about, Gid?”

ANOTHER NAT 20, GIDEON IS REALLY PUTTING THE FIRE IN FIRE GENASI THESE PAST FEW EPISODES

OH GOD, THE FOUNTAIN IS CUMMING ITSELF AFTER LOSING ITS HEAD

PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON GIDEON

“Help me guhlump” Suggestive Kremy + Gideon moment

ANOTHER NAT 20??????? OMFG

Richie doing the “Okay, Okay” to Nikkie is SO DAMN FUNNY, TWINS FR FR

Gricko chasing Torbek around with the Jabberwock head is so family coded

TRY PAINTING THE ROSE ON THE SWORD PURPLE FOR GODS SAKE

I love it when Torbek gets all smart and talks with big words

B&E is a family activity, They all take my S/I for their first crime and end up at an ice cream parlor

Gricko is a good dad, so supportive of Hootsie and all her stuff

Kingdom hearts reference yessss

Torbek once again references Agdon Longscarf again with the whole “Take it from Torbek, you can't get red out of blue” thing

Ooooo, who's the little girl???

SHE'S PLAYING WITH KNIGHTS MADE OF METAL, GLASS, WOOD, CLAY AND BONE!!! THAT'S THEIR THINGS FROM THE BEAN FOOTAGE!!!! ALSO SHE'S HAVING THEM FIGHT A STUFFED JABBERWOCK?? FORESHADOWING???

Ah yes Kremy, insult the mysterious child to her face

SHE'S SO CUTE, I LOVE MORGANA (Persona 5 reference???)

She’s sus tho, why is she in the desert??

Gricko… Hootsie would absolutely destroy the toys, don't let her play w them

Gideon being very brutal to the poor girl >:(

Her grandmother doesn't want her to see the prince anymore??? VERY SUS

Torbek making friends is nice :)

OH MY GOD SHE KILLED GIDEON, HE'S A MARIONETTE TOO

SHE TURNED TORBEK INTO WOODY, WE GOT TWO SOUTHERN MEN NOW

Keep the snake in your pants Torbek, please

OH GOD SHE’S TURNING EVERYONE INTO DIFFERENT THINGS

CHUCKLES IS BACK, YAAAAAAAAA YYY!!!!

Torbek stepped on his “snake” lmao

FROSTY’S A MIME YESS, TWO CLOWNS!! NOW ALL WE NEED IS KREMY TO BE SOMETHING AND THE WHOLE FAM WILL BE TRANSFORMED

Also my S/I would be freaking TF out about everyone being turned into weird things, like three seconds away from a mental breakdown freaked out

Derek is too good at being a mime, bro really has 100+ different skills

KREMY AND GRICKO, STOP BEING MEAN TO THE BABY GIRL

MACHO MAN GIDEON SAVAGE!!

TRANSFORM MY ALLIGATOR DAD MORGANA, MAKE HIM SUFFER

MR. POTATO HEAD KREMY WITH A BROOKLYN ACCENT LMAO

OH FUCK, SHE KILLED CHUCKLES

Kremy shitting out a new mustache and new top hat made me literally choke

PRINCESS GOBLINETTE!!!!

She's changing mime frost, i really liked that one

Torbek lost his damn snake omfg

If I was also changed, I’d want to be a squishmallow fr fr. I love those fuckin things

FROST IS A KEN DOLL, OMFG SHE'S HAD KENOUGH

YAY BRET’S BACK!!!!

“Let's find out, can you open your ass?” HHSHSHSHSAHAHAHAA YESSS

Bret’s house and Torbek’s “snake” is in Kremy’s house lmao

“It's hiiiiiiiiiiigh time we come up with a plan” OVERWATCH REFERENCE FROM TORBEK??

I love goblinette so much, mikey does such a funny girl voice

Twig has her eyes back!

“Whattya think fellas, we whack grandma?” MOBSTER POTATO KREMY LMAOOOOO

Has Twig always been a puppet??? Or is Morgana just being a lil silly and thinking OUR Twig is HER Twig cause she’s a BROWNIE!!

Gideon and Torbek immediately trying to summon Bullyjugs is so damn funny, fuckin pervs! /j

Torbek being shoulder deep in Kremy’s ass lmao “There ain't no eyeballs in this ass!”

Chaotic polycule fr fr, I love these goofy bitches

IS MORGANA TASHA? NIKKIE SAID “You cannot see that boy anymore Ta- I mean Morgana, you cannot see him!” AND SHE HAS SISTERS LIKE THE FOUR HAGS AND IS THE BABY!!

I really like cowboy Torbek, He is very funny and the accent is really nice

TWIG IS A PERSON, NOBODY OWNS HER >:(

YAY, TWIG IS COMING WITH DA PARTY!

“Make like a tree and get da fuck out of here” HA

OH FUCK, WE’RE IN AN HOURGLASS AND NIKKIE IS USING HER BAVLORNA VOICE (I don’t think its Bavlorna though) WE’RE GONNA GET CRUSHED BY SAND

OH FUCK, THE JABBERWOCK

The Jabberwock figure looks so cool!!!! Whoever painted it did a really good job

NATURAL 20 FOR INITIATIVE FROM GIDEON!! SOMEBODY CHECK HIS DICE FR FR /J

“I'm last with a 13” Nah Andy, I rolled a damn 12 with a +0 so I’M last (I like to roll for shits n giggles uwu)

NAT 20 FOR KREMY ON A DEX SAVE AGAINST THE JABBERWOCK (I rolled a 16)

HOOTSIE GOT A NAT 20 TOO!!!!

38 POINTS OF DAMAGE TO ANYONE WHO GOT A 17 OR LESS??? BRO I’D ALREADY BE DEAD (My constitution is 17 with a modifier of +3, idk if I’d actually be dead but it would be hella funny to imagine I take one attack and boom I’m dead)

I think at max, I’d have 43 health so while alive I’d be VERY HURT (5 health remaining)

FROST AND I ARE ALREADY DEAD AND GRICKO IS CLOSE BEHIND, BRO WE’RE FUCKED

Why the hell does it want the chess pieces????

Good idea using cure wounds on Frost, he’s waaay too OP to let die.

Frost using magic circle on Fey creatures just gives me a funny/sad idea of since satyrs are technically fey creatures, my S/I being left for dead outside the circle with the Jabberwock by accident.

DAD N0000000, GIDEON DIED!!!

TWO AUTO DEATH FAILS FOR GID NOOOOOOO

*Ominous jazz starts playing* I love my alligator dad

“Come get me ya big bitch” Kremy protecting his family!!!

JDDJSJJSDDJ (T-T) TORBEK TRYING TO REASON WITH IT MAKES ME SO SAAAAAD, PROTECT THAT MAN AT ALL COST FR FR

GIDEON FUCKIN DIED

KREMY NOOOOOO, BOTH MY DADS AND I ARE DEAD

GRICKO IS TRYING TO SAVE HIS DAUGHTER AND TELLING HER TO RUN AHAHAAAAAAAA (T-T)

FROST TRYING TO STOP IT AND HE'S CRYING, THE MAN WHO NEVER SHOWS EMOTION IS CRYING

BEATING TORBEK WITH KREMY’S DEAD BODY, WHY NIKKIE WHY???

KREMY FUCKIN DIED, IM SO SAD

TORBEK IS TRYING TO GET GOREBEK OUT TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY, HAHASASHFKSHFN (T-T)

WE’RE ALL SO FUCKED MAN, SO DAMN FUCKED

TORBEK IS DEAD, NOOOOOOO MY GIRLFAILURE BESTIE!!!!

“Torbek burbled in his pants” “I heard they do that” ANDY, GIDEON STOP TALKIN BOUT DEAD PEOPLE SHITTING THEMSELVES

DON’T YOU DARE KILL HOOTSIE NIKKIE, I SWEAR TO THE GODS

GRICKO GOT A NAT 20 BUT NIKKIE DREADED IT

HOOTSIE GOT A NAT 1 AND GOT FUCKIN KILLED, MY HEART NOOOOOO

WE’RE ALL SO DEAD

THE JABBERWOCK KILLED ALL OF US AND TOOK OUR COMMUNICATORS, WHAT A DICK

Nikkie is gonna rip Mace’s iPad in half haha /j

#self ship #self shipping #self ship stuff #self ship community #self insert #*cries so hard*#canon can suck my metaphorical dick #a family can be a bunch of criminals and their adopted satyr child

0 notes

prettyboykatsuki · 3 years

Note

when you start writing for ushijima >>>>>>>>>>>>>

can you tell im begging?

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

inevitable | u. wakatoshi

➳ tags ;; fluff n smut, getting together, first times together, unprotected sex, intentional lower case 18+

➳ wc ;; 1.9k (WHAT THE FUCK)

➳ a/n ;; ask n u shall recieve (i had rlly bad brainrot tn actually)

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

if you had to describe ushijima wakatoshi in one word, you think the word you would chose is inevitable.

in·ev·i·ta·ble | /inˈevidəb(ə)l/ adjective certain to happen; unavoidable

of all the ways you could describe a person, it's probably not the best word. you could think of a laundry list of other ones to describe - really. hard-working, dependable, strong-willed, mindful, cautious. he's a lot of things and you think that's why he's so good at what he does. he's powerful but he he's brilliant at where he uses that power.

you would also use words like that to describe him, if you had too. if you had to give someone the run-down of wakatoshi - you could probably give them a whole speech about his accolades. he's probably the kindest person you know and he does that mostly on accident. he helps little old ladies carry groceries and lets your niece climb his arms like monkey bars with the most plain look on his face.

he's a lot of things - funny on accident, charming on purpose. but of all the things he is - to you, the thing he is most, is inevitable.

it's not hard for you to admit that you weren't exactly.. welcoming to ushijima when you first met him. you were a barista and he was well.. a big, pro-athlete who came to buy straight dark coffee every morning. after his work-outs (or what you figured was workouts since he always looked pretty sweaty) he bought himself precisely one pastry and a bottle of water and went about his day.

and it went like that for months. obviously you found him handsome - the way you could basically autopilot your shifts but completely broke down when he was there was evidence of that. he was tall, broad, handsome and nice. the kind of man who meets your grandmother, you think.

he always asked about you and you gave him short answers. too nervous to elaborate but he made you anyways, somehow and some way. and he comes back to you every week with details of your life you'd only mention in passing. he'd chuckle - a soft little smile at the way your eyes went wide. for someone so dense, he wasn't all that out of touch when it came to you. one morning your hands trembling just a little more than normal when you hand him back his change

(he tells you later he paid in cash just to see you stumble)

and he asks you with a plain look. observant.

"do i make you nervous?"

that's when you knew, really. you stood no chance against the all-consuming force that was and is ushijima wakatoshi. the subtlety and nuance in all of his actions left you worse for wear and any suspicions you had about how he might be treating you were to be confirmed much later down that line.

he's dense in the same way avocadoes are fruit. it's true, technically - but in a lot of ways and functionally it's just not the same. you think that the better word to use for him is selectively intelligent - like he doesn't bother thinking about anything that doesn't interest him for more than two minutes. but on the rare occasion it does interest him, i.e how you interest him - he becomes some kind of expert.

you've always been a little stubborn when it came to love. heartbreak does that to you - and you were overly cautious with ushijima. you let your heart walk on eggshells. you didn't let his gestures or touches or glances mean anything to you. you didn't let yourself be swayed by the smell of his cologne - sweet and woodsy on the back of your throat. not by the way he placed his hand on your lower back to walk past you on days off.

and when he took you out, to see the movies and stargaze, you told yourself it isn't a date. you tried your best really. because there is something really unbelievable about ushijima wakatoshi liking you - beyond the fact that he's some pro-athlete.

there's something about him that's a little unreal. not that he's perfect, but that all of his flaws make him more attractive. it almost bothers you but he doesn't seem to understand when you give him those lengthy explanations. hands making all types of gestures, flustered as he smiles. he doesn't take anything from your little lecture that day, just gives you a once over as he drives you home.

"oh, so you find me attractive?"

you didn't stand a chance. he was, and is, inevitable. everything about him has this powerful but subtlety all-consuming nature to him. you think the best way to think of it is like letting yourself float. the way you release the weigh in your body and inevitable give into letting it hold you. even if waves came - you'd probably stay in that state.

ushijima is like that. a constant presence and overwhelming force. you get swayed without even thinking. he could probably become president, if he really wanted. lucky for everyone else, he just wants to play volleyball. you think that it's a shame in equal parts that it's a gift but you digress.

the point is that you could never really be away from ushijima. and as hard as you tried to avoid the growing affection - you find that ushijima is always a few steps ahead. always reaching far beyond you with big, strong hands.

you try so hard, to avoid the inevitable. you do it with your whole soul. you're honestly just.. intimated. you've never felt something like him before - not once in your whole life. you're afraid of what'll happen when you succumb to the waves so you dodge the deep sea for weeks and weeks.

he found you after your shift one day after 3 weeks of dry texting and avoided phone calls. wearing a suit and a purple shirt and a nice watch, he has flowers too. and you're in.. a barista uniform with tousled everything and smudged mascara.

inevitable is really the only word. as you stop dead in your tracks, and as ushijima pulls you aside with the mostly gentlemanly smile. you kind of wanna cry when you look at him.

"i've waited a long time but i don't think i can much longer,"― he shifts a little. he almost looks nervous - it's the first time you've ever seen him look anything but overwhelmingly confident ― "i like you and i'd like to be with you,"

he doesn't really offer you much other than a confession and his hands. the frustrating thing is that he doesn't need to. it's the first time he's seen you cry but he handles you well, does it easily like he does everything else. like somehow he's just good at it, soothes you while you sob into his chest and melt into his presence and let yourself fall underwater.

in a probably not so surprising turn of events, you find that ushijima fucks with the same approach that he does most other things.

with careful consideration that seems effortlessly. it makes you feel a little hopeless that he feels good at everything. even at comforting you.

the first time you have sex, you take off his shirt for him. and he takes your hand and puts it up to his chest. gives you the most gentle look. his heart-beat is rapid.

"you make me .. nervous too. just so you know,"

the one thing about ushijima is that everything about him is big and wide and broad. he kisses you like he's trying to circle the solar system - there's a slowness to it. a vastness as he has you seated in his lap with his hands exploring up your body. his hands are everywhere. he's good with them. not too gentle but not too rough as the spread your thighs open.

he cups your pussy and it fits in his whole palm. his middle finger teases your slit as his kisses travel south, down your jaw and onto your neck. they latch onto your chest with a little breathless sigh - like he can't even breathe. it makes you clench when he talks to you - raspy.

"you're.... beautiful,"

he makes you shy. so shy as you lean forward a little and rock into his hand - a burning need nipping at you. and his eyes widen and his cock stiffens and his breath hitches and you think this is the first time you've caught him off-guard before. you wanna bask in it but you're too desperately so you latch onto his lips again.

ushijima does everything right. with knowledge in it. he kisses you and sucks on your tits and plays with your clit with this.. knowing. he likes seeing you fall apart he thinks. he likes how you get when he takes it much slower than he needs too - how he drags you through one orgasm to another with this lithe. he lets you lean over his shoulder when he fingers you - and his two fingers stretch you out like four of your own.

his cock is big. bigger than you think any person could ever take. you stare at it for a long while, gaping at it. your hands barely fit around it and that image burns itself into ushijimas brain like a permanent memory. your mouth falls open and your eyes look hazy and ushijima thinks that he's never wanted to be inside of something so bad before.

"it's so big," ― you whisper, hoarse ― "i-it won't fit,"

"i'll make it fit," ― is his only reply, kissing the crown of your head ― "sit tight,"

he does, by the way. make it fit. he makes it fit good - makes it stretch your pussy out but you don't feel like you'll break. there's a little pressure inside, and your clit swells with desire and blood - but it fits. and his eyes are glued to the way your cute little cunt seems to be swallowing him like it's nothing. it's enough to make him lose his mind.

"c-can i move?"

you nod and he does. slow at first. he draws the noise from you - a slow and soft moan leaving your lips as he drags his cock in and out of you. but it gets faster, goes much faster than you thought it could.

eventually he has you bouncing in his lap, on his cock, with such force that you feel like you can't breathe. it feels unbelievable, sets off a supernova in your gut like at any moment you could come undone. you feel like you're breaking and ushijima doesn't help, soft grunts and whispered affections.

"you're so beautiful," and "im so happy" that make you feel dizzy. you'd probably give him anything he asks for. he bounces you on his cock and lets his thumb just rest on your clit and you're so close you can almost taste it.

"cum for me," ― like he's begging ― "please,"

what choice do you have anyways? you cum on his cock with a silent scream, like your voice is tearing a blackhole into space and you shudder while he holds you in place. he finishes only seconds afterwards.

"did it feel good?"

you give him a wide-eyed look. he's dense at times. you don't know how to hate him for it so you just sigh and nod, cozying to him.

"y..yeah,"

he kisses your forehead, sweaty and tired.

"good,"

yeah. you were right.

you never had a single chance of winning against him.

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

#WHY DID THIS GET SO LONG WHAT THE FUCK #return to sender #ushijima x reader #haikyuu x reader #prettyboy.thirsts #formal #writing tag #IM GONNA BE SICK HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN #haikyuu smut #ushijima smut

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kirieshhhka003 · 3 years

Text

Pairing: La Squadra x GN! Reader

Warnings: language

La Squadra harem

Risotto Nero

Risotto, as a leader of the hitman squad, immediately notices the change of atmosphere among La Squadra once Y/n appears. Albino, to his huge dismay, understands that he’s not the only one who’s developed feelings for Y/n. Albino knows every member’s habits and usual behavior, capo is the first one of all hitmen who figures out that everyone is his rival now (but only when it comes to Y/n, he’s still their leader and he respects every member equally)

Risotto is more of a father figure to Y/n. He warms up to you shortly, pampering you with his attention and genuine care, always being there for you. You’re hungry? The two of you are going to the nearest cafe for you to have a proper meal and Capo won’t take “no” as an answer. You’re stressed and something messes with your pretty head? What a poor thing, come here, Risotto is always ready to listen. Others immediately catch on the change of Capo’s treatment, every day it becomes even more obvious that he has a huge soft spot for Y/n

Least favorite rival: Melone. Risotto hates how smooth purple-haired is around you, how he is open with his flirting, how sincere all of his words sound. Nero wishes he had at least half of sans gêne Melone has. He’s a Capo and he has a reputation to uphold, but behind closed doors Risotto has tried flirting with Y/n and it was so so clumsy and awkward, it’s just… not his style

Prosciutto

The second father figure for Y/n, but if Risotto is more of a sugar daddy, indulging you with expensive gifts and foods, Prosciutto mostly acts like a real father would, scolding you for going outside at winter without your hat on (tho he never wears a hat himself) or for petting stray animals on the streets

Even despite all of his parental sternness, Prosciutto is really caring and attentive towards Y/n, even more that Risotto is. You got scratched accidentally because of your clumsiness? We gotta clean the wound up and patch it, don’t even try to protest; it may be a simple graze but what if some dirt got in it? Your shoulders ache after a long tiring day? Come hither, your dear Prosci will rub all the pain away

Least favorite rival: Risotto. Prosciutto doesn’t hate or despise albino, no. Risotto is a capo, and he got this status for several reasons, so blonde man still respects his boss, but both man have pretty familiar tactics of charming Y/n, and that definitely annoys Prosciutto

Formaggio

Formaggio is one of the most oblivious of all La Squadra men, he doesn’t realize that he’s not the only one having interest in Y/n and even when other guys flirt openly with Y/n in front of him red-haired just thinks that his teammates just try to be friendly towards a newcomer

He’s definitely that type of macho from all the cheesy movies - attractive, excellent smooth talker with constant flirtings. Formaggio is not opposed of using all possible cringy lines what annoy everyone in La Squadra, even Risotto has hard times restraining the urge to roll his eyes at all those shitty teasings. But Maggi is an easygoing guy, it’s so easy being around him and even all his pick up lines don’t repel you from him

Least favorite rival: doesn’t have one. As I said, this man doesn’t notice that other guys try to get Y/n to themselves, the thought of having possible rivals doesn’t even cross his mind

Illuso

It’s not a secret to anyone that Illuso is a little nasty bitch with a huge god complex and all his wooing is no better. “You wanna spend time with me? Shit, you’re such a pain in my ass! Okay, I guess I will indulge you this time, but that’s only because of your cute face” - doesn’t sound so appealing, does it? And that’s exactly the way brunette flirts with Y/n (well, at least he tries to)

Illuso wants to make you crawl to him, to make you crave for his presence and his touch, you make you fall in love hard. Brunette wears his best outfits, uses the best of his perfumes make up stuff just to show you that he’s better than all of his teammates. Surprisingly, even his behavior changes slightly when Y/n is around - he’s not that unbearably churlish towards you, on the good days he may even compliment you - “Your hair… looks good today, I like it”

Least favorite rival: he hates all of La Squadra equally. Illuso is certain that he’s the only one who truly deserves Y/n’s attention, he’s the best partner for you and only he can treat you properly. Doesn’t even try to hide his hostility towards teammates - why would you want spending time with such a trash?

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio is a tsundere, do I even need to explain why? Is obvious to everyone in La Squadra that he’s head over heels for Y/n, but he still aggressively denies everything if someone points that out. He’s also very protective of you, if Formaggio or Melone or Sorbet try to flirt with you in front of Ghiaccio - they’ll get their nose bleeding soon (blue-haired gets scolded for that by Risotto often)

Blue-haired tries his best to hold all his outbursts in front of you. Even when you ask the stupidest questions, Ghiaccio would clench his fists til his knuckles turn white, grit his teeth, try doing breathing exercises - everything just to remain calm and not to get tantrum in front of you. And you guess that means really a lot

Least favorite rival: Sorbet and Gelato. Those guys (gays, lmao im sorry) don’t even try to hide their interest in Y/n, pinning for you, prying your attention only to themselves. They flirt so openly with you, some of their lines and allusions make even Melone feel slightly uncomfortable, so Ghiaccio sees those almost as if two husbands were shamelessly molesting Y/n

Melone

Melone knows that at times he may be a little bit… too much, so he turns it down for as much as he can so his “strange” tendencies won’t scare Y/n off. For the first few months purple-haired is nothing but sweet and caring, looking pretty normal, just like an average man that doesn’t think of breeding and all possible kinks every two minutes of his time

Even though, he acts like a gentleman with Y/n. Carrying heavy bags for you, giving you a hand when you get up, and if you’re studying medicine he’s up to help you if you have problems with understanding something. Melone had been studying for almost four years at medical uni but got kicked out for having sex with his cogrouper right in the uni. So he may be pretty helpful if you don’t get something or if you’re just interested in medicine

Least favorite rival: I can’t say that he cares much about other guys from La Squadra, but if he had to pick out one it’d be Illuso. It’s not about the way brunette tries to charm Y/n, purple-haired from every beginning didn’t like this guy. All of his conceit and arrogant behavior - it all just pisses Melone off

Pesci

Pesci is so so timid with Y/n, every time you walk by him, saying hi or just smiling at him, poor boy’s heart twists into tight knots. How are you so sweet? How are you so perfect?

Despite all your friendliness green-haired is still incredibly bashful, he is simply afraid of approaching Y/n. It doesn’t matter how much he likes you, Pesci just can’t force himself to try and initiate a chat. Sometimes Prosciutto helps him out with that a little (even though he doesn’t realize that he helps), but blonde is still careful with his actions, not letting even his precious Pesci get too close to Y/n

Least favorite rival: Formaggio. This guy is so noisy and vigorous, every time Pesci finally pulls himself together and finds the courage to approach Y/n this guy seems to appear from fucking nowhere, hogging your attention all to himself and leaving green-haired an angry blushing mess

Sorbet and Gelato

At the very beginning it feels more like you are Sorbet’s and Gelato’s child and they’re your parents fretting over you. They often take you with them on some trips, Gelato helps you with your school (if it’s something he knows about), Sorbet picks you up from work/school and drives you home etc

Sorbet is more of a tease, playing around with you, shamelessly flirting with Y/n, littering with not so pure compliments and comments. His touches are a little bit too long, his gazes are slightly too intense, even stupidest one would notice brunette’s longing for Y/n. Gelato is way less intense than his husband, blonde is way easier with his words, charming you with his sweet talking and constant doting. He’s more of a pillow that eases the expression Sorbet gives you

Sorbet’s least favorite rival: Risotto. Brunette hates how calm and well-composed Capo is, what if Y/n thinks that albino is cooler than he is? But Sorbet immediately makes a new plan in his head: if Risotto is more of a dad to Y/n, always doting on you and being so kind, Sorbet’s going to become your daddy, making you fall for him and Gelato, make you hungry for their attention

Gelato’s least favorite rival: blonde is pretty acknowledged that everyone in La Squadra tryies to get Y/n to themselves, he sees everyone (except Sorbet ofc) as his rival. Man dislikes everyone, seeing them as his opponents, but he doesn’t have a least favorite one. Yes, other members are hella pain in the ass, but blonde is pretty sure that Y/n will end up in his and Gelato’s arms anyways, so there’s no need to jangle his nerves

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

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enderwoah · 3 years

Text

ORIGINS SMP HEADCANONS (because i love them): SEASON TWO EDITION BAYBEEE

(this is really long ENJOY :gun:)

tommy

he is phil's son smile

phil's most recent son at least

he's got like one more somewhere

he picked this one up off the dangerous streets a few years ago and he's been sticking with phil ever since

his wings are small- not too small to fly, but they're untrained to the point where it would take a lot or work to get him off the ground

but at first, he didn't really seem to want to learn all that much?

(he has three scars on his face- all from trying to learn how to fly when he was younger)

(he gave up after the third one)

("if at first you don't succeed; try, try again" is his motto, and he tried all three times)

but!! phil and wilbur are very persuasive :) and now that he knows he can fly, he's not going to rest until he does

he's a little manipulative to get what he wants sometimes, but can you blame someone that lived on the street for so long?

he had to do that to survive! it's not his fault.

(it's a great excuse.)

he laughs like a kookaburra amen

he squawks when he gets scared

he chirps. he tries not to because it makes phil go absolutely bird-brained but he does sometimes and he hates it.

tubbo

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A B[GUNSHOTS]

god he is. so fucking annoying (/rp)

he simply does not know when to stop

he ignores social cues to see when someone is annoyed

(see: he can read social cues. he does read social cues. when you get annoyed that's when he starts being more annoying, because you're more likely to give him what he wants to get him to shut the fuck up.)

he loves talking to (at) people, especially people he doesn't really know that well

so he's trying to be friends with ranboo, but the absolute prick keeps trying to avoid any actual conversations, so that's not working

he buzzes when he gets excited-happy

his fingertips are completely blackened and horrendously sharp, functioning as ten individual stingers

they don't do any actual damage but he's working on that

techno

wither hybrid (??)

how can you be a wither hybrid?? nobody got down and dirty with the wither

he's an experiment

the reason we haven't seen him yet? he's staying away from the main area of the smp

he doesn't want to ruin its natural beauty with his withering effect, so he keeps to himself on the outskirts of the smp

which sucks

withers get health from killing things

he's not fully a wither, so he gets energy from being around people and sort of draining their life force a little bit

he feels terrible when he's with just one person because they are Literally his life support and it makes the person feel like shit

when he's with a big group of people its great!! he only has to take a little bit from everyone and its barely noticable!!

but then there's the wither part. so he has to stay away.

he's always tired

always exhausted

he's a farmer, so taking it from animals works, but god does he miss people

but he can only visit a few times and for very short

(he's afraid that one of these days he'll get so bad that the next time he sees someone he'll accidentally kill them)

(it already happened once. he's blessed that he's been forgiven, even made friends with by the victims, but he doubts he'll be able to pull that off again with no consequences like last time)

wilbur

phantlings are dead elytrians, and given that wilbur was phil's son...he's a phantling

he died in the late 50s and was a librarian when he was alive, so he's very possessive (ha) over all of his things

you should never ask to "borrow" anything from him, he will hound you about it until you give it back

it's best to just say that you want something from him to keep

even if youre going to give it back

just for your own peace of mind

phantlings can feel fear and get a genuine feeling of elation from scaring people

of course, sometimes its unwelcome (feeling large amounts of fear from someone they care about in a bad way just makes them pissed)

but for the most part, wilbur loves appearing in the corner of people's visions just to jumpscare them a few minutes later

all in good fun, of course!! it's just hilarious :)

being the lighthearted, fun guy he is, he's not particularly secretive about his method of death

"how did i die? well, it all started -- ended -- on november 16th, 1958!"

"i walked out of the library late, since i took the shift for my wife since she was feeling sick and i worked there anyways,"

"the streets were dark and only lit up by gaslamps...and out of an alley...appeared..........."

techno.

he didn't mean it. wilbur isn't at all mad at him (anymore)

he was starving. he didn't know that one touch would be enough to fully revitalize him...

and murder wilbur where he stood.

sneeg

has details on everyone on the server

you Cannot Hide Shit From Sneeg

its impossible

if you find of his any shittly little mouse holes then you're doomed

you find one and there are twenty more

he's under your floorboards while you're having your important discussion about trapping the nether roof

sucks to suck ig??

he seems to be the favourite of many, which is weird since he rarely goes out of his way to actually talk to many people

he's the only person that tubbo doesn't actively try to annoy (or maybe he just doesn't find tubbo's antics all that annoying)

he's the only person that ranboo stays around (or maybe he stays around ranboo- he and Phil seem to be the only ones not off-put by his slightly sadistic and whiny demeanour (not counting tubbo, who annoys him anyways)

phil seems to be more protective of him than he thinks is normal (he lets sneeg ride on his shoulder while travelling, so he doesn't really complain)

niki is completely protective over him (again, not complaining)

contrary to popular believe, he does not get high from sugar

if anything he gets

high-per

(get it)

(high-per)

(hyper)

he's literally just a nine-year old getting a sugar rush leave him alone

phil

take the normal "bird-brain" headcanons and multiply it by like sixty-four

and you've got origins phil

he can't see glass- or, rather, he can, but it doesn't register that 'hey, this is a solid surface i am going to slam into'

its very funny for everyone else but he's pretty sure he has permanent brain damage from the blunt force trauma

if there is ANYONE on the server who dares to chirp, bird or no, they must understand that they are signing away their privacy and giving phil the right to go absolutely bonkers over them momma bird style

(shoutout to tommy, wilbur, ranboo, and fundy for having to suffer through this)

"oh??? you don't have wings?? you don't have feathers?? omg?? then what's this im preening?? what do you mean im just braiding your hair?? nono this is preening smile"

god help you if you dare to have wings

poor tommy, wilbur, sneeg, and tubbo

phil can't help himself alright

do you think he wants to be any sort of protective over sneegsnag?

no!! but he cant stop himself!! sneeg might damage his wings if he keeps flying those super long distances!!! nnnno! carry the bug man!!!

it's weird, he's always had that protective sense over ranboo, too

but ranboo very obviously doesn't have wings, so he doesn't get it...

ranboo

yes ur a peasant

yes ur poor

yes im cooler than u

what r u gonna do about it

the enderdragon's son! partially a dragon, partially enderman, partially human (don't ask, his other mom is a hybrid), all spoiled brat!

given that he has a ton of dragon genes, he's extremely possessive over his stuff and Yes He Does Do The Hoarding Thing

he has a pile of rings and gold chains and necklaces and most of his jewellery hidden underneath his bed

(if you ask him, no, he doesn't)

not to wear

just to Have

one time, fundy stole one (1) bracelet from the hoard and ranboo was sent into a panic for a good 24 hours

he wouldn't leave his cave and kept counting and recounting as if that'd make the missing piece reappear

(when fundy had to give it back because of the guilt, he expected to get his face bitten off)

(instead, he just watched as the prince was flooded with relief, telling him to get the hell out and nothing more)

it's weird, he has so much gold and even a crown, and yet here he is

living with all those people ^^^

truth be told, the enderdragon isn't a very nice dragon

nor is she a very kind queen

nor was the other queen

nor was her son

there was a mutiny in the end, leading to the dragon queen and her wife being killed brutally by the crowd of angered people

they went after their son next, who had ordered executions and worked servants to the bone just as much as they had

they cut off his wings in the middle of the square

he was sure he was going to die until a random person (a peasant) jumped up and yelled at them for publicly torturing a child

but ranboo didn't really catch all of it, given he was delirious from pain

he got to get some stuff quickly and escape with his life

this wasn't too long ago, either, so he's still trying to...adjust...to people talking rudely to him

(he's also trying to adjust to not having wings)

(hence why he hurls himself off the edges of cliffs and then has to teleport to the bottom instead of glide. he keeps forgetting.)

#this is so long #origins smp #originssmp #ranboo #tubbo #philza #philza minecrft #sneegsnag #wilbur soot #technoblade #tommyinnit #help this is so long

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donald4spiderman · 3 years

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this is kind of a vent lol. i like to be mad at spencer bc im toxic— also i love breaks up a lot. i don’t rlly make sense because i crave fluff soft spencie fics but now i wanna be angry at him so enjoy </3

tw: angst, breakup, kissing, shouting, crying, general CM gore, the Cat Adams arc, SPOILERS for s12-15

No one prepares you for heartbreak. No matter how strong you think you are, how emotionally void you’ve trained yourself to be, or how resilient you’ve grown— a shattered heart is one of the worst pains in the world.

He’s kissing her—Cathrine Adams— a serial killer, hit-woman, and master manipulator. The same woman that framed Spencer for murder, sent him to federal prison for three months, and kidnapped his mother. He’s kissing her like it’s the only thing he can fathom, likes it’s his dying wish. He’s forgotten all about the S.W.A.T. agents surrounding the two of them. He’s forgotten about Luke and Prentiss, who stand in shock a few feet from him.

Most importantly, he’s forgotten about you and the plans you had to watch movies all day in his apartment. Your cat died, and Spencer wanted to be there for you, he wanted to comfort you, as a loyal and loving boyfriend should.

Spencer gifted you a key months ago. You flowed freely through each other's apartment without any issues— up until now.

Cat breaks away from the kiss. Cat. Not Spencer. He’s still chasing her lips seconds after she pulls away— as if her kiss is that intoxicating to him. There both out of breath, staring into each others eyes with mischief until Cat turns to give you a smug wave and smile.

“Hi there.” She greets triumphantly, surely pleasured by the horrified look on your face. “We’ve arrived!”

Spencer has no words. He stews in his silent guilt as tears flow freely down your face. You weren’t one to cry... ever... but something about seeing your boyfriend of four years shoving his tongue down the throat of a murderer might have evoked a particular emotion that made it all too easy for you to break down.

“(Y/N)...” He croaks, stumbling over to you in an attempt to save face.

You place a firm hand on his shoulder, launching him backward. You’d always been much stronger than him.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Spencer.” Your voice cracks with a painful sob.

He’s visibly distraught, tears forming in his own eyes. “Please, (Y/N).”

Cat waltzes through the apartment like she owns it, seating herself in the burgundy armchair. She watches the chaos she’s ignited with joy.

You dry the tears from your eyes with your sleeve, composing yourself. “There’s really no good ones, huh?”

You’re not speaking to Spencer; instead, your question is directed towards Cat.

“I know about you, what you do, and more or less why you do it. I’m not an agent, but I have an affinity for these things, you know. It’s one of the similarities Spencer and I shared when we were together.”

Were. Past tense. The love between the two of you is already gone. Spencer feels the impact of a blow to his chest.

“Is this a lesson, Cat? ‘Cause, surely I’m not the one who should be subject to it. After all, I’m a woman. I know your victimology— bad men. Is that what you wanted to do to Spencer— show me Spencer’s true colors?”

Spencer steps in “(Y/N). Don’t engage with her.”

“I’ll do whatever I fucking want, Spencer.” You scoff. “You don’t even know what you’re doing right now. ‘Fucking up left and right.”

“She’s right.” Cat grins dramatically. “You already lost a girlfriend today. A couple more strangers might die too— if I so desire. Not your best day, Spencie.”

“Do you know me, Cat?” You question firmly, returning her focus towards you.

She nods, “Of course. I’ve done my research.”

“Really? How much?”

“Well...” She starts. “I know you dated Dr. Spencer Reid for four years— who, by the way, was looking at engagement rings just yesterday. Crazy how things change so quickly.” Spencer watches the way your face drops, and it feels like he’s drowning. “I also know that you’re a philosophy professor at Georgetown. He’s always had a thing for the smart girls. You were a college wrestler at Menlo University for an impressive four years during undergrad. You’re a tough girl, and being with Spencer here sure put you through hell. I mean, you were pronounced legally dead after Peter Lewis stabbed you seven times in a fit of rage. Somehow you survived—physically— because let’s face it, how much of the real you died that day?”

“That’s pretty surface level, don’t you think?” You egg her on. “But you didn’t come here to talk about me. This is between you and him.”

His name produces a bitter taste in your mouth— you dare not say it anymore.

“I’m going to go. I’m not part of this. I’ll leave you both to it.” You swing your bag over your shoulder, willing yourself to have the energy to walk out the door.

Your eyes are red and rimmed with tears as you speak, “Thank you, Cat. I’d rather than it have been now than five years into our marriage. Lord knows we wouldn’t have worked out.”

And with that, you leave Spencer’s apartment for the last time, and you leave Spencer for the first. Luke and Prentiss follow you as you rush down the hallway.

It’s almost worse— feeling less than nothing. It would be much more... human... to be consumed by anger. You should be angry. You have every right to want to push Spencer Reid off of Everest. But you don’t.

Because sometimes the day ends. Tomorrow’s a new set of hours. You could pretend that you’d never met him-- that you were never in love. Love felt fictional.

As long as you move forward, fast enough, afraid that do you slow for a moment, you’d be forced to deal with the aftermath properly.

So you sprint.

k why is this just us thanking cat for being a girlboss lol

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #dr reid #spencer reid x reader #sub!spencer #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #cat adams

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bratz-kitten · 3 years

Text

attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby.

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it. intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR.

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed.

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it.

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists.

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him.

Mikasa Ackerman

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger.

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation.

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined.

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #levi #levi ackerman #eren #eren jaeger #eren yeager #mikasa #mikasa ackerman #armin #armin arlert #birth chart analysis #astrology

390 notes · View notes

satorinnie · 3 years

Text

love and war

pairing; gojo satoru x f!reader

genre; angst

wc; 3,6k

warnings; jjk manga spoilers

notes; i think its obvious the ending is a bit rushed but i still tried my best :/ got the motivation to write the ending but then lost it again...but i wanted to post it today so here it goes. would love to hear feedback on it!

it wasn’t meant to play out like this. no, he wasn’t meant to find out about it, not like this at least.

that was the last thing you ever wanted.

everything was going so fine, maybe too fine, but still, nonetheless, things were perfect between the two of you just this morning. how did it come to this?

he was looking at you, blindfold off, crescent blue eyes reflecting each emotion he held so so openly. the only times you saw him this vulnerable was when the two of you had talked about his past, his regrets, and what if’s. his eyes were full of adoration at that time, looking at you like you were a pure blessing from the heavens, an angel sent to save him from his drowning thoughts, to let him be himself.

but now, now they were looking at you with so much hurt, anger, regret, and oh so heartbroken.

you had seen, witnessed, first-hand what the receiving end of gojo’s furious gaze ended with. it wasn’t pleasant, that’s for sure, and you had sworn to yourself you would never be on the receiving end of it.

oh, how the tables have turned.

it was understandable why he was so mad; god knows you would be too. because you, who had delicately pieced back his broken heart and trust after the events of getou, had now broken it, by your very own hands at that.

how did it all come to this? you had no idea. you knew starting a relationship with him was wrong and off-limits from the very beginning, but the temptation had surpassed your rationality just like eve when she bit the apple. you never thought you’d fall this deep down the hole, so deep that you forgot–no, ignored your true mission.

to monitor gojo satoru and sukuna’s vessel and kill them when you got the order.

it was last year when the head sorcerers in england had given you this mission. if gojo was unbeatable and unrivaled in japan, you were the same in england. perhaps your curse technique wasn’t as strong as his, but it was versatile and a very reliable technique.

after itardori yuuji became the only sukuna’s vessel, japan wasn’t the only country sour about the thought of it; in fact, it had caused a panic in europe as well. and as england was the country that ruled the jujutsu world in europe, you were assigned with monitoring the vessel and the owner of the six eyes. they wanted their eyes and hands on the boy with the infinity.

but you befriending everyone there, joking with the curse himself, and becoming lovers with the one and only gojo satoru was definitely not how you planned for things to go. it spelled trouble from the beginning, getting close to the shaman who had an ego and power rivaling the gods. but, unfortunately, you were now too deep to just leave without explaining everything to him, and even hoping for a chance that he’d forgive the lies you fed him throughout your times together was a little farfetched.

how could you make him believe that everything you said was genuine, and out of true love? the answer was you couldn’t because the betrayal in his eyes was enough for you to gulp down those hopes, taking a deep breath to prepare for the argument that was about to come. “look–satoru, please let me explain and don’t jump to conclusions.” you lifted your hands in front of you as an act to calm him down, walking closer to him with a futile attempt to hold his hands.

“explain what?” a laugh escaped his throat, one mixed with desperation and madness, “that everything between us was a lie? a mission for you? how do you plan on slithering your way out of this now, huh?” his voice rising with each word he was spitting out of his mouth.

you were desperately trying to keep up the expression that you had everything together, when in fact, you didn’t at all. your hands were starting to shake because you were scared of losing the man in front of you whom you were utterly in love with. the boy with the infinity held your heart in his palms, and he had no idea about it. “nothing was a lie, alright! i know how that document looked, and i can’t lie and tell you that isn’t true, but my love for you is–”

“keep those fucking lies to yourself y/n–you know, everyone knows already. megumi, yuuji, maki, even shoko–”

“stop cutting me, gojo! i know it might be unforgivable, but you have to believe me when i say i forgot about the mission. i love you, okay? i am undeniably and utterly in love with you, and that’s why i’ve been ignoring every call, every message they’ve been sending me about the task because i can’t do it!” you were screaming now, hands in the air, trying to voice out every single emotion you were feeling in that moment.

“well, it’s too bad that i don’t love you anymore! you know, i’ve known about this for a few weeks now and was hoping you’d open up to me about it, but–”

you froze at his last sentence.

“–you what? so you’re telling me that everything that happened in between us during those weeks was an act? all fake? you were just waiting for me to open up so you could what, break my heart in a more grand way?” now you had to give it to him, not only was he secretly smart, he was also a great actor who had you fooled for weeks now. the room was silent after your words, both your eyes staring deep into each other; you, waiting for his answer.

and you watched as he opened and closed his mouth, not sure how to answer your question. but you knew what that meant; with his hesitance, you had found your answer. breaking your eye contact, you looked down at the floors of the home you used to share; you could hear your heart shattering into millions of pieces with just the sound of his breathing.

“alright,” you whispered into the air. running your hand over your face, you leaned back against the kitchen counter. “so how will this go? are you going to let me go or are we gonna have a full-on fight right now? or is everyone already waiting outside the door to capture me?” you were doing your best to avoid eye contact, it was already too heard keeping your tears from falling, and you knew one more look at the eyes you loved so much would break you.

there was silence for a few minutes, but in your eyes, a few minutes was an eternity long. the fact that he was debating the question you left was heartbreaking already. but you weren’t afraid to fight; you had come to japan prepared for the worst-case scenario, and getting to know satoru up close, you believed you had a fair chance at winning.

“–im giving you twenty-four hours to leave this country. if you don’t–you know what’s to happen.” this had you lifting your head in the speed of lightning, eyes wide mouth agape, you could only watch as gojo satoru left your shared house without sparing you a single glance.

he was oblivious to how he carried your heart out the door when he left you stranded in the middle of the kitchen.

it was an hour after your discussion, and you were still in the same spot he left you. still standing, still too paralyzed to move. the reality of things being over was just starting to weigh on you, but you knew you had to start packing because not only gojo; but england was going to be after you too.

you failed the mission. and you didn’t plan on returning back.

war is a slippery slope. what would you do? becomes what will you do? becomes what have you done?

looking around the now-empty home, you built with gojo; tears started falling from your hallow eyes. so many memories resurfaced in one moment; it was overwhelming. the day your first saw him when he was trying to crack a joke at nanami to get him to smile. or the time he first asked you out admitting he had found you a force to be reckoned with and how you had managed to bewitch him. the day you accepted, the day he made you see stars behind your eyes from pure bliss. the day he proposed living together. the day you danced around the living room with his obnoxious music playing at the back, head laid against his chest humming to the melodies. how you felt like a family when you saw him and the students act so close–

how long has it been? how long have you been pushing your actual task behind the lies and excuses you fed yourself. was that person you? the ever so stone-hearted y/n breaking her facade for the boy with infinity.

my god, my god, whose performance am i watching? how many people am i? who am i? what is this space between myself and myself?

it was all getting too much. when had you fallen down the hole to never leave again? should you be grateful, or should you curse the fact that despite all misfortune, you can still feel love and unearthly love but still for earthly objects?

finally getting a grip on yourself, your feet moved down the hall to your shared bedroom, and without wasting a glance at his side, you quickly started to pack your stuff to leave japan.

gojo wasn’t doing well himself. he thought he had finally found true happiness after all the loss he had to go through, and it all turned out to be nothing but an act built on lies. after he left your shared home, he had wandered around in the streets with no destination in mind and the cold chilly air blowing past him. his blindfold was still off, the moon making his crystal blue eyes shine even more, still with unshed tears at the brink of it—a dam about to break.

he knew he lied to you when he told you he didn’t love you anymore and only hoped the years of the facade he had to keep up was enough to fool you into believing his words when in fact, it was the very opposite. he loved you so much–so much that it broke him when he read the document that was mailed to you weeks ago. you and him were an inseparable duo–the strongest and his tamer. the boy with the infinity and the girl who held him down with gravity.

upon wandering the streets for god knows how many hours, he found himself in front of a riverbank. the light of the moon was radiating, creating a painting of a million stories for the broken boy. but while being so engrossed with the view in front of him, he had failed to feel someone creeping up behind him; with his infinity down, nanami was able to lend a hand on his shoulder. “i’m assuming you talked with her.” he broke the silence.

his silenced gaze worried his friend; they promised to keep it between themselves. while nanami believed letting the kids know would be the better choice, gojo was adamant about keeping your good image in front of them. he knew how much they adored you, and he would hate to be the one to break it to them. “i did.”

“and what choice did you go with?”

“i gave her a full day to leave, and if otherwise–” he gulped down the lump forming in his throat, “–if otherwise, i told her i would fight her.” tears now slowly starting to trail down his porcelain skin, an odd view to see for his foes.

“you did the right thing.” nanami tried his best to console him in a way. this was a new image for him; he never saw gojo break down like this; the last time he saw his best friend (he would never admit that to his face, though) like this was when he had to kill getou, even then he had managed to keep up the aloof facade. but he knew his feeling for you ran much, much deeper than that. he has witnessed what your companionship had done to him. it was what pieced him back, and now what broke him.

it’s been years since you left, but you were back now. back in japan after two years of staying away, traveling to many different countries, on the runaway from the higher-ups in england. you would’ve preferred your return to be on good news and such, but unfortunately, it was the opposite. your friends back in england had informed you about how they planned on ending gojo’s life once in for all today with a team of experienced sorcerers, and although you wanted to keep away from trouble as much you could, you couldn’t let the man you love die.

with your hood covering your face, you walked down the streets of shibuya, the once war zone that led to many disastrous events in the past years under your feet. you heard about everything; the culling game and the capture of gojo satoru, thank god those were all in the past now, and everyone was well–except nanami, and the new had broken you. just like gojo and the students, he also had a special place in your heart, his calm attitude always grounding you. you don’t think his last thoughts of you were good–considering what gojo had told you the night you left, but still, his death was unexpected news to you.

you didn’t know how you were going to approach the topic; there was a big chance they’d attack you the second you entered their line of vision, not allowing you to voice out the news–but it was worth the try nonetheless. taking your hood down, you entered a cafe; the need for caffeine after the long flight back here was strong, the anxiousness and stress not allowing you to sleep. what you didn’t expect was seeing the three first years–now third years–you loved so much sitting in the cafe chatting idly, not noticing you. you wanted to keep it that way, but on your way out, a feminine voice called out your name. “y/n sensei? is that you?”

your steps halted, freezing in your stop. the confrontation was inevitable now, causing a stir in a crowded place was the last thing you wanted so you turned around to see nobara staring at you with wide eyes, megumi and itadori behind shocked just as her. what you didn’t expect was her running straight at your engulfing you with wide arms; a big grin plastered on her face. “where were you! you disappeared out of nowhere, and gojo sensei wouldn’t tell us anything! we were really worried; you left me alone with these two idiots–you know you’re the only one who understands my pain–”

“–i’m sorry, i had to go on an abroad mission, and it took too long. it’s good to be back.” you hugged her back tightly, still trying to process the new information she threw at you. gojo had lied, and that made you question everything you believed in. had he also lied about his love for you back then? but that was for later–for now, you wanted to cherish this news and spend time with your favorite students, learn about their well-being and their stories.

“come on, let’s sit shall we? we got lots to catch up on.”

it was now midnight, and you were waiting somewhere in the middle of the forest for your dreaded meeting with gojo. you managed to convince the kids into telling gojo to meet you here without actually letting him know it was you. they were excited, to say the least, talking about how you and he were the epitomai of soulmates, two pieces meant to find each other, filling up the gaping hole you both had. you were very nervous, fidgeting in your spot, hiding behind the tree waiting for him to arrive, and when you heard footsteps nearing you–you knew this was it, heart pounding like crazy.

walking out of your hiding spot, you slowly made your way over to him, hands stiff at your sides anticipating his reaction. “gojo.” he looked at you, blindfold on this time. still, you could see his displeasure from how his body stiffened at your voice, looking at you with a straight face. “what’re you doing here? i thought i told you to leave.” you sighed, walking closer to him, “i know, and i am going to leave again, but before that, i need to tell you something–” you were cut off by the powerful shake of the ground, throwing you off balance resulting in you falling to the ground.

behind you were your old friends from england, standing tall and mighty together–a force to be reckoned with; you were once one of them, but alas, that was the past. “thanks you leading us straight to him y/n.” elizabeth smirked looking at your fallen state, “you made things a whole lot easier for us.” she continued. looking back at gojo, you were surprised to see his hands locked in some type of chain. how did they manage to get past his infinity–unless he didn’t have it on in the first place. did let his guard down once he saw you? why would he do that?

“no, no, no– leave him alone, elizabeth! i swear to god i’ll rain hell upon all of you!” you stood up desperately trying to leave the makeshift cage your friend had put you in when a sudden idea came to you. it was risky, but it would save him, and that–that was all you needed, your purpose of coming here in the first place.

“lover boy is being quite over there. what is it? cat got your tongue?” she was taunting you and definitely enjoying it too. walking closer to you, she neared your face while the others were beside gojo, “you’re both fools believing you guys could be together in the first place, that’s how it works–” she was cut off by the stomp of your foot on the ground lifting a piece of rock–the one gojo was on, up to the air, away from your ex-friends. if you couldn’t save yourself, you could at least save him; apologize for your past mistakes.

from where you were, you couldn’t do much, but you used all your might to send rock flying in the air towards them meanwhile keeping gojo away from them. your cursed technique was called upon the tainted sorrow, the ability to manipulate gravity, and it was unrivaled in europe. you trained too much to reach where you were, the strongest just like gojo, but even the strong can fall, and all it takes is the blink of an eye.

you were on the ground again, but this time blood pouring from your insides, a deadly piercing through your abdomen. while you were so engrossed with trying to keep gojo safe, you hadn’t realized he was already off the piece of rock fighting the rest. and he had made the mistake of underestimating them, resulting in the struggle. but that distraction was enough for elizabeth to pierce the cursed knife through you.

one second you were on the ground; the next, you were in someone’s arms. looking up, you were met with the crystal blue eyes you had grown to love staring right back at yours. this reminded you of the moments where you used to lay on his chest, hands tangled in his snow-white hair, his hands keeping you tight against him, eyes staring at each other with nothing but love. how unfortunate things weren’t that way now. you bleeding onto his hands which hopelessly applied pressure to your wound in hopes of saving you, his blindfold now off, tears slowly caressing his face. it was a sight for the eyes. you lifted your hand up to cup his cheek, imprinting a red hand mark right where you touched him, “satoru–”

“save your breath, i called for shoko; she’ll be here any minute, and we can save you–” you silenced him with your thumb on his lips, “satoru, this was inevitable, even if you save me now, they’ll still be after me. it’ll be a never-ending cycle.”

“no, i can keep you safe, y/n. remember? it’s us against the world, baby. always has been and always will be.” he kissed your forehead, still keeping you close. his eyes were shut tight; he could feel your consciousness slipping away and knew he couldn’t save you. but can’t a man hope? and as you uttered your last words, body temperature turning cold, breathing stopping, he knew right then and there this was where he lost it all. this was how he lost the light of his world, in his own hands, between his arms.

“for what it’s worth, i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard.” and he knew those words would haunt him for an eternity. follow him wherever he went. the ghost of you will always be with him, never leaving. you will hold him down by gravity with just your soul. yet he still wanted to curse the gods for taking you away from him, his fresh breath of air, his anchor.

your love was strong, but the timing was wrong, and love decided that you both didn’t belong.

#jjk gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo angst #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen angst

167 notes · View notes

gureishi · 3 years

Note

dude okay so this is kinda specific and also probably not very original or anything ekdbsisj

but-

how do you think saeyoung would react/feel if (during the apartment days), his MC started crying (or almost) after that one (or maybe two? cant remember, and im only halfway through day 7 on the current playthroygh) time where he just... got really mad n yelled... hhh his expression was scary,,

getting yelled out is already a lil agitating for me... and I know i would be automatically already a lil sensitive cos i would be nervous from the last few days (rsd would nerf me) -- meaning i would be a lil more emotional/easily affected than usual ;;;

on top of that ive never had a guy yell at me djvdjdj so it would be a lil scary, i wont lie.

wanna clarify: the crying wouldn't be on purpose lol, i would definitely try n hide it. easier said then done though... OTL

jsvfsh this is so long n specific n kinda personal to me?? im sure im not alone regarding the general idea though. anyways jdbdjs sorry lolol-

and im jus asking for your thoughts or maybe HCs? whichever you feel works best!

also sorry if we've talked about this before i have a bad memory-

[417]

btw ur amazing love u

Love you too dear Four! And oh boy do I relate to this. I do not handle being yelled at well and would, without a doubt, cry multiple times in this scenario (/ω＼)

Saeyoung reacting to his MC crying in the apartment

He’s never felt like this before. He sort of thought he’d been through it all: wrung every last bit of love and fear and desperation out of himself till there was nothing left but the things that make him useful: his clever hands and his brilliant (weary) mind.

When you speak to him so tenderly—hovering just at the edge of his space, eyes full of something he can’t (won’t) identify—he feels like his heart is too big for his body, and he can’t think straight, or see straight, or make his miserable mind form the words he needs to say to you.

He’s angry because he can’t understand why you’re gazing at him that way, like you’d do anything to ease the pounding in his skull; he’s angry because none of his words are getting through to you, and he doesn’t know how to make you understand that he’s not the person he made you believe he was. And he is angry because he knows, without a doubt, that he’s in far too deep already, and that if anything were to happen to you now, his desperate heart would break for good.

He knows how to lie (it is, in his opinion, the only real skill he has)—so he does. He tells you he wishes you’d leave him alone—tells you to stay away—tells you he feels nothing for you at all. He raises his voice (but oh, as the stinging words tear from his throat his heart wants to crawl out of his skin and throw itself into your arms).

You say nothing. Good, he thinks; and he forces his attention back to his screen (eyes blurry, hands shaking). He hears the sound of your footsteps as you retreat to the farthest corner of the apartment, and something inside him seems to go with you—since the very first time he heard your voice, he thinks, a part of him is always with you. With every day that goes by, that part gets bigger: soon, there will be nothing left of him at all.

With his eyes trained on the screen (and most of his attention on you), he hears the tiny sounds you’re making: shifting, he thinks at first, getting comfortable. Maybe even going to sleep.

But no: you are so quiet only somebody with senses that have been heightened from years of training (years of hiding, and fleeing, and fighting for his life) would hear. But there’s a whimper—a vague, almost indistinct sniffling.

Oh no. Oh god.

Oh god oh god oh god.

Years of agency training have taught him to turn his back on people who are begging, or whining, or crying—but he’s never been any good at it.

And this is you: and his scrambled mind races, his heart drumming so loud against his ribs he is sure you can hear it. He would, he thinks wildly, do absolutely anything in the world to never hear you make such a miserable sound again.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, he stands. The room spins; he’s weak, and hungry, and angry, and scared; his stomach is in knots and the darkened room seems to tilt sideways around him.

You don’t seem to have noticed that he’s moved; you’re hiding your face in your shirt, back turned to him—and you are still (so very still). He doesn’t remember how to breathe.

“Uh...” he says, and the sound echoes horribly in the dull, sparsely furnished room. You say nothing. He clears his throat, takes an unsteady step toward you. He’s not thinking rationally anymore—not thinking about scaring you off, or keeping you safe. All he wants is to see that look in your eyes again: that soft one, the one that makes his hands and feet feel too big and his skin seem to burn and his breath catch in his throat.

“Are, uh...are you okay?” he rasps. You’re still ignoring him, which is a first; your face is turned away, so he goes to your side, kneeling on the floor beside you. You sniffle. He feels like his heart is going to burst.

“Yeah,” you say—and unlike him, you are not such a good liar. Without meaning to, he reaches for you: finds his fingers (of their own accord) doing what they’ve been itching to do since the moment he first laid eyes on you. He touches your hair—brushing it off your face, tucking it behind you ear.

Your eyes, he thinks (fiercely, irrationally): he needs to see your eyes.

“Don’t believe you,” he says. With a sigh of exasperation, you turn to him: oh, and your eyes are blazing, red-rimmed. And he is the one who has done this to you—he is the monster who has made you suffer.

His mind seems to have driven itself into the ground. Suddenly, he can’t remember how to do anything at all.

But his body moves of its own accord, because his heart has always been eons ahead of his (brilliant and foolish) mind.

“Hey,” he finds himself murmuring, brushing your cheek with his rough fingertips (and he knows he shouldn’t, but now that he’s here, he is finding it almost impossible to resist). “I know,” he says, without even quite understanding what he means. “I know.”

You watch him; and there it is again—just for a moment, that softness deep in your eyes that sets him on fire.

“I’m sorry,” he says, the words springing to his lips before his brain can get in his way. “I’m so, so...I didn’t mean to...I never...”

You shake your head, and your hair falls into your eyes again. He brushes it back, finding that there is nothing—nothing—in the world quite as wonderful as the feeling of your warm skin under his fingers.

“I get it,” you tell him. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“I can’t...” He makes himself take a deep breath, and regrets it instantly as his senses are flooded by the warm, enticing scent of you. He feels you all around him now. “I didn’t mean it,” he says quietly. “Please. I can’t stand to see you making that face.”

You force a watery laugh, and the effort you are making for him is almost too much. His mind races. For a moment, he imagines how it would feel to wrap your small body in his arms—to press his lips to your temple and feel your heart beating against his skin.

“How’s this?” you say. You offer him a passable impression of a smile, and he wants to throw himself at your feet.

“Terrible,” he says. You laugh, and it sounds a tiny bit more believable this time. You are looking at him, and there it is again: that softening in your eyes that makes him think (just for a moment) that there could be a happy ending for him after all.

“I...” he starts. What? He can’t tell you how he feels—what he wants—what he is afraid of. Not here. Not now. Not yet. “Please,” he finds himself whispering. “Can you...just give me a little more time?”

You nod, and there is a strength in you that nearly knocks him off his feet.

“Yeah,” you say: and this time you sound like you mean it.

Against his will, he pushes himself up—makes his way back to his miserable little corner of the room. But he pauses—turns—and you are still waiting, still watching him. Of course you are.

“I’m gonna make it right,” he says, not quite meeting your eyes. Never, he thinks: he will never ever make you cry again.

“I believe you,” you say.

It is the first time anyone has ever told him this.

His heart shivers.

“I won’t let you down,” he says—promises. He means it with all his heart.

#mystic messenger #saeyoung choi #707 #headcanons #asks #417 #fwends 🥺#<3 <3 <3

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 3 years

Text

We Were Something, Don’t You Think So? [Chapter 2: The Middle Of Nowhere]

You are a Russian Grand Duchess in a time of revolution. Ben Hardy is a British government official tasked with smuggling you across Europe. You hate each other.

This is a work of fiction loosely inspired by the events of the Russian Revolution (1917-1923) and the downfall of the Romanov family. Many creative liberties were taken. No offense is meant to any actual people. Thank you for reading! :)

Song inspiration: “the 1” by Taylor Swift.

Chapter warnings: Lots of shouting, if you never learned about the Russian Revolution then here's your mini crash course, references to historical stuff like violence and disease, Kroshka the mule emerges as the only emotionally stable character.

Word count: 4.1k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

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I wake up feeling harder, as if sleeping on the ground with all its stones and cool indifference has taught my spine to straighten, to endure. This is a welcome revelation. I will need to be resilient, for my family and for myself. I also wake determined to set things right with my rescuer. I am a perfectly charming person, Mother and Papa have always said so; I’m not painfully shy like Olga, or aloof like Tati, or rather dull like Maria, and I certainly don’t run around putting frogs in people’s shoes like Anastasia. I make for excellent company. Surely Ben will realize this and we will become inseparable travel companions.

Outside in the overcast brisk morning air, Ben is already busy tacking the mule. He glances over and tosses me an apple. It bounces out of my floundering hands and rolls off into the woods. This is not an auspicious start to the day.

“You’ll still have to eat that,” Ben says. “There’s no extra food. I was only able to ask for as much as I could justify needing myself.”

“Right.” I go fetch the apple—rummaging around in leaves and sticks and shrubs—and take a bite, even though it’s bruised and definitely tastes like dirt. I beam at Ben triumphantly. I am tough! I am daring! I am enchanting! I can pull my own weight on this journey!

Ben doesn’t seem to notice. He pats the mule’s thick brown neck and smiles fondly at her. “How are we feeling this morning, Kroshka? Hmm? Who’s a lovely mule? Who’s going to take us all the way to the Trans-Siberian Railroad without even one measly word of complaint? That’s right, you are! Yes you are!” He lands a smacking kiss on the velvety grey fur of her muzzle.

I attempt polite conversation; more than that, I endeavor to learn about my dashing yet evasive rescuer. “So, tell me Ben, have you worked for Sir Buchanan long?”

“Four years,” Ben replies curtly.

“And you are…” I think of his notebook. “A…writer of some sort for him…?”

“I’m his press attaché.”

“Ah.” I recognize the French word for ‘attach,’ but not its meaning in the context of employment with an ambassador. “I can’t say I know what that entails.”

“I handle Sir Buchanan’s relations with the Russian newspapers. Drafting statements and briefing him on local opinions and the like. And since his health has declined, I find myself delivering some of his particularly confidential correspondence.”

“Oh, I see. And he could spare you for this mission? It seems like a burden that would be better carried by a man with military or exploratory experience.”

“My Russian is passable. And I can tolerate rougher conditions than most.” He points to a pile of clothes he’s laid out on a tree stump. “Those are for you. There’s a stream out that way.” He flicks a thumb towards the east. “Get ready however you need to, but be prepared to leave in fifteen minutes.”

I examine the clothing: plain and practical undergarments, a heavy wool sweater, stockings, boots, and something unexpected. I hold them up with clammy hands. “These are…” I swallow noisily. “Trousers.”

“Yes. They’re travel attire. Comfortable and easy to maneuver in if we need to move quickly.”

“I’ve never worn trousers before.”

“I thought you were amenable to a…a…what did you call it? An adventure. A grand adventure.” He says this melodramatically, like there’s some humor in it. Like he’s mocking me.

“I suppose I am,” I mutter, still scrutinizing the trousers.

“Fifteen minutes,” Ben reminds me sternly. Then he begins to disassemble the tent.

I trudge off through the woods until I find the stream. I clean myself with ice-cold water, drink it down until my teeth ache, change out of my nightgown and into these strange new clothes—Trousers! Mother would lock me in church for a month!—and gaze up into the cloudy, pastel blue sky that peeks between the fingers of the trees. It is very still here, and cold, and deathly quiet. I try to remember the last time I was truly alone, without Mother or Papa or my siblings or servants or guards within shouting distance. There is none that I can remember; perhaps there is none at all. Out here in the Siberian wilderness I feel unmoored from civilization, diminutive, vulnerable, peculiarly inconsequential. I decide I don’t like being alone. By the time I return to our campsite, Ben is ready and waiting beside the loaded cart. His right hand is resting on a clunky metal monster with ‘Olivetti’ written on it.

“I’m a press attaché,” he says with a mischievous grin. “And you’re a typist.”

“A what?”

“You work for Sir Buchanan’s office as a typist. That’s our story, anyway. You came along to assist me during my audience with the former tsar, and now we’re traveling back to Sir Buchanan’s headquarters in Saint Petersburg. So if anyone happens to ask, that’s what you are to tell them. Oh, and you’re British. Your English sounds clean enough.”

“Alright,” I reply, still gaping at the metal monster like a black box with gnashing fangs. “But what is that?”

Ben’s jaw falls open. “You don’t…?” Then he rubs his forehead, sighing deeply. “Jesus Christ. You’ve never used a typewriter. Of course you haven’t. Great. Fantastic.”

“We always write by hand. My penmanship is flawless, Mother saw to that.” She’s still battling with Anastasia, but that’s a war that may go on as long as the one between the sun and the moon.

“Okay. Okay. This works out, actually. Because I’m not going to entertain you all day. So here is your assignment.” Ben slaps the back of what he tells me is a typewriter, and then waves for me to come closer. He reaches into the pocket of his coat and produces a British passport. Every line is filled out except for the name. He slides the paper into the machine and makes some bewildering adjustments. “So, you insert the paper, set the carriage—that’s this roller-type piece here—and type.” He taps forcefully on the keys until two words appear in the blank reserved for the passport holder’s name: Lana Brinkley.

“That’s me?” I ask doubtfully.

Ben smirks, amused. “That’s you.”

“So you could have given me a better name if you wanted to!”

“But then how would you learn humility?” He removes the fraudulent passport, shakes the paper until it dries, folds it into a neat little square, and slips it back into his coat pocket. “If you’re typing a longer message, the typewriter will ding when you’ve reached the end of each line. Then you use the lever to move the paper down, reset the carriage, and resume typing.”

I nod, but without much confidence. This seems complicated.

“You said you wanted a carriage,” Ben teases.

“Yes, one with magnificent draft horses and velvet seats and preferably no less than two servants. Not…whatever that is.”

“Well, if you’re going to pass for a typist, I’m afraid you must learn to type.” He finds me a stack of blank paper in his collection of bags and trunks, and then climbs into the front of the cart as I get into the back. The trousers, I hate to admit to myself, do make it easier to move around, although I’m not sure I approve of how much they accentuate the shape of my body. The thought of Ben looking at me in them gives me a plunging sort of feeling that is half-mortification and half-thrill…not that he has exhibited any interest at all. “Before we go any farther, do you have anything with you that I don’t know about?”

He means things like the heirlooms I have squirreled away in the large steamer trunk: the jewels sewn into my dress, the photograph. I can sense that he wouldn’t want me to have them, although I’m not sure why. In any case, I have no intention of giving them up. The jewels are the only thing of value that I have to trade if we find ourselves in a desperate situation. The photograph is the only string left that connects me back to my family, my home. “No,” I reply primly.

“Good.” He whistles at the mule and she tugs us through the trees and out onto the dirt road that leads, eventually, to the train station. As we ride joltingly along, the creaky cart wheels bumping over every rock and mound and muddy trough, I practice my typing: very slowly at first, and with only my index fingers. I read aloud as I go, gradually picking up speed.

“There once was a German princess born in the Duchy of Hesse. She was very beautiful but very shy. She had a wonderful talent for playing piano, but would run and hide if anyone asked her to perform in public. One day, when she was attending the wedding of her sister, the princess met a prince from a distant kingdom. They were only children, but they instantly knew they had found true love. They snuck off together and carved their names into a window pane. Over the years, each conspired to marry the other. They refused many suitors and wrote each other hundreds of letters. His family did not approve of the princess’s religion and lack of charisma; her family did not approve of the prince’s distant and troubled nation. But at last it became apparent to all that no earthly forces could keep the couple apart. Ten years after their first meeting, the prince and princess were finally married. And they lived joyously and peacefully in each other’s service for the rest of their days.”

Ben lights one of his hand-rolled cigarettes. The smoke doesn’t bother me; on the contrary, it reminds me of Papa smoking his pipe in his study, in the garden, as he read to us by the fireplace, as he danced with Mother in ballrooms back when she could still dance. It reminds me of home. “I’m not sure if you’ll ever give Shakespeare a run for his money, but I’ll admit I’m marginally entertained.”

I smile to myself, sentimental warmth rising in my face. “It’s Papa and Mother’s story.”

“Huh. I didn’t know your people were allowed to marry for love.”

By ‘your people,’ he seems to mean royalty, and there is some derision in his deep voice. “Well, surely duty must come first. But when love can accompany it, that’s a happy coincidence.”

“And what if duty compels you to marry a man who is, say, cruel? Or dreadfully boring? Or in love with another woman? Or who closely resembles a mole-rat?”

I resume my typing with a new exercise. For each letter of the alphabet, I type a French word that begins with it. “I don’t think that sort of thing happens very often.”

“But if it did.”

I shrug, not especially enjoying this topic of discussion. “Then duty comes first, as I said. But I believe most royal couples are perfectly content. At least nine out of every ten.”

“That many!” Ben marvels sarcastically. “Have you ever considered that your own personal experience, as pleasant as it may be, could be coloring your perception of how the world works?”

I ignore him and continue my typing. Attaché for A, bisou for B, croissant for C, doux for D…

After a moment, Ben says: “You aren’t going to regale me with another fairytale? I’m devastated.”

“I’m busy practicing my French now. Please don’t intrude.”

“You speak French as well as Russian and English?” He sounds impressed; for a split second anyway, just long enough for me to catch it like a firefly in my fist.

“And Italian, and Latin. And I’ve just started on Japanese.”

“But no German? That seems like it would be an easier beast to slay.”

“I’ve always purposefully avoided learning it, even though Mother’s family is German. I never envisioned myself marrying a German. I figured Maria could take that bullet. She doesn’t care, she’d marry anyone who could give her a castle and ten babies and a bulldog or two. I would say she was a milkmaid in a past life, but Mother’s heart would stop dead if she thought I subscribed to reincarnation.”

“Not fond of Germans?” Ben asks. “Well, who can blame you. Half the world isn’t fond of them at the moment.”

“I suppose they weren’t so awful before the Great War. But they’re rather boorish, aren’t they? They always sound like they’re angry. Like someone just stole their horse and they’re screaming at them from the front porch to come back or else.” I smile dreamily as I type. “I’ve always fancied the thought of marrying a prince from a glamorous, romantic kingdom. Maybe Italy or Greece. There has even been talk of me marrying Uncle George’s eldest son David. He’s rather beguiling. Tall and slim. Clear blue eyes like a lake. And he’s going to be the king of the British Empire one day, you know. We could holiday together in beautiful, sunny colonies like the Bahamas.”

“You’re still as important as all that? Important enough to make a marriage of that political significance, I mean.” Ben glances back at me and lifts one thick, dark, inquisitive eyebrow. “Seeing as your family doesn’t have a kingdom anymore.”

This is an insensitive thing for him to say. I frown down at the typewriter. “A wife almost always assumes the kingdom of her husband, so why should she require her own? She needs only sound breeding and a suitable temperament. And besides, we might yet return one day.”

Ben twists all the way around to stare at me, the reigns falling out of his hands. Fortunately, the mule seems to know her own way around. “I’m sorry, what?”

“It has been a brutal few years. The Great War, the supply shortages, the bad harvests…the people are frustrated, and understandably so. They lashed out blindly, at those who didn’t deserve it, at us. But the dust will clear. And when it does, I think the Russian people will come to their senses and realize that they want us back. That they need us.”

“Are you insane?” Ben snaps. “Are you utterly brainless? What’s floating around in that skull besides fiction and languages you’ll never use once you’re married off to some prince who only sees you as a broodmare?”

“How dare you! You can’t speak to me like this—!”

“For years, for a bloody decade, Sir Buchanan warned your father about what was coming. He tried to get him to moderate his views, to give the people more voice in government, to stop murdering them when they protested. And when none of that worked and the end was apparent, Sir Buchanan tried to convince your father to abdicate long before he did. Don’t you understand?! None of this needed to happen! Your family could have fled to Britain years ago, before the animosity against your father spread like wildfire across the globe, and Russia could have established their own parliament like Britain’s and negotiated a peace treaty to stay out of the war and none of us would be here now if not for your father’s selfish, pointless obstinacy—!”

“My father is a good man,” I choke out as hot, furious tears burn in my eyes.

“And he was a terrible ruler!” Ben shoots back like artillery. “He ordered protesters to be butchered, he sent untrained boys to die in some other country’s war, he clung to the throne for no one’s benefit but his own—”

“And what about my benefit?” I demand, still weeping, feeling monstrously like a child. “What about my mother’s and my sisters’ and Alexei’s? He must have feared for our futures if we were dethroned and left without any resources, any security, anyplace to call home—”

“He did you no favors,” Ben says harshly. “Half the country—the country that you obviously have not even a rudimentary understanding of—are moderates scrambling to secure the Provisional Government and disentangle themselves from the war while still somehow preserving their dignity and that of the millions of dead soldiers Russia has already laid on the altar. The other half are trying to instigate a wholesale communist revolution. There is no one, no one, who wants the tsar back. And you better pray to God that the communists don’t manage to seize power before King George gets your family out, or your father just might be guillotined on the steps of Saint Basil’s Cathedral.”

I bolt to my feet unsteadily, grip the side of the lurching cart, and leap out onto the dirt road.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Ben shouts after me.

I take off sprinting down the road, the wind whipping my face, sobbing as I run beneath the shadows of trees until my lungs are columns of flames and my legs feel wobbly and boneless. I can hear the pounding of the mule’s hooves approaching, the hurtling of wooden wheels, the slapping of leather reins. I am forced to slow to a vigorous march as my body betrays me, wheezing and aching and as ineffectual as a woman is so often assumed to be. The salacious trousers have come in handy once again. Who would have guessed.

Ben pulls up alongside me, reining in the mule to match my pace. “Hey! Get back in the cart!”

“I’ll walk the rest of the way to the railroad station.”

“It’s 200 more kilometers!”

“See you there.”

Now Ben jumps out of the cart. The mule, perplexed but not rattled, comes to a halt and waits in the middle of the road with her long ears angled in opposite directions. Ben rushes in front of me and leans down until we’re at eye-level, breathing heavily. I can smell smoke on him, and something else too: maybe cologne, maybe soap, maybe aftershave, maybe just the scent of a man in his prime. His lips are pink and full and soft-looking, I notice, as if for the first time. His cheeks are irritated and red from the wind; the ruthlessness of the climate here doesn’t agree with him. It is the only way in which I am stronger than he is. His green eyes are wide and blazing. “Get. In. The. Cart.”

“No,” I whisper, tears all over my face.

“You can’t just run off like that,” he pleads, less angry now. “Where are you going to go? There’s nothing out here except trees and…I don’t know…probably bears and wolves and maybe even Siberian tigers. You can’t get ripped apart by wild animals. Don’t you want to make it to London? To argue for your family’s liberation? They could find no fiercer advocate than you, of that I am convinced.”

“How would you possibly protect me from a bear?”

Ben unbuttons his coat and pulls up his white wool sweater to show me a pistol tucked into the holster clipped to his belt. “Just in case,” he says, smirking crookedly, lowering his sweater again. “Now I am keeping no secrets from you, and you are harboring none from me. We’re even.”

I nod, sniffling, thinking of my jewels and photograph hidden in the steamer trunk. My words are so strained I can barely hear them myself, my hands are trembling; hell, I’m trembling all over. The possibility is unimaginable. “Do you really think they’re going to kill Papa?”

Ben sighs, shaking his head. “No, I don’t,” he replies gently. “I think the Provisional Government will be able to keep the communists in check for now. I think they will leap at the opportunity to ship the former tsar off to Britain without the potential controversy of a trial and execution. And I also think we should get back in the cart and keep moving now.”

“I’m sorry your boss gave you this assignment and now you have to risk your life for a family that you evidently hate,” I lash out like a cornered animal, hissing and brandishing its glinting claws. “For a grand duchess that you hate. This must be an awful inconvenience for you.”

“It’s rather more complicated than that,” Ben says. “There’s some opportunity in it as well.”

Of course: his leather-bound notebook full of observations, his scrawled recollections to one day build into a famed article about our journey. An article full of what he truly thinks about me. I feel suddenly, violently nauseous. I feel horrified.

What happened to the grand adventure that I imagined? Where did it go?

And all at once, I can’t even remember how I pictured this journey unfolding; I can’t conjure up some rose-colored vision of me and Ben falling into an effortless friendship, flirting lightly and innocently, discovering new corners of the earth together, parting ways in London as lifelong confidants. Now I can only see Papa as he murmurs folktales older than Christianity with candlelight dancing on his smiling face, as he chases me and my sisters around the gardens with outstretched arms and sparkling eyes, as he carries Alexei from one room to the next when my brother’s joints are inflamed and excruciating and useless, as he never unburdens his mind to his wife or children but spends long afternoons chopping wood as the sun sinks into the west and the lines in his pale face grow deeper.

He couldn’t be responsible for bloodshed, for mercilessness. He’s not that kind of man. He’s never been that kind of man.

“We really should keep moving,” Ben prompts.

“Fine,” I fling back as I shove by him. I mop my tears away with the sleeve of my wool sweater, climb into the back of the wooden cart, and sit as far as I can from Ben with my bent knees hugged to my chest. I stare silently off into the forest as the mule drags us towards the Trans-Siberian Railroad, towards Moscow and Saint Petersburg and the Baltic Sea and London, towards the conclusion of this tenuous partnership and the redemption of my family. I am looking forward to soon never having to see Benjamin Hardy again, and yet I’m also not; and this is a difficult paradox to put into words of any language.

We don’t stop until it’s almost dusk. Ben hops down from the cart, leads the mule off the road by her bridle (and gives her an encouraging scratch on the forelock when she hesitates), and begins to set up camp in a small clearing encircled by heaps of frost grass. Dinner is loaves of bread again—even more tough and dry than yesterday—and metallic-tasting water from canteens. Dessert is a hand-rolled cigarette for Ben and a handful of honeyberries I found in the bushes for me. And when Ben grapples with the tent, I come over to help him with it just to prove I can.

Ben builds a fire, and we sit wordlessly on opposite sides of it with the reflections of flames in our eyes. Ben jots down today’s thoughts in his notebook, every so often glancing off into nowhere and tapping his chin thoughtfully with the end of his pen, biting his full lower lip absentmindedly as he sifts through the ocean of word in his head to fish out the right one. Meanwhile, I read my copy of Tarzan of the Apes. I stumble across a few English terms I don’t know—quixotic, cartography, constellations, ruminate—but I don’t ask Ben about them.

After a long time, when the moon and stars have emerged bright and ancient in the night sky, Ben closes his notebook and watches me. At first I ignore him. And then, eventually, I can’t anymore.

“What?” I ask irritably, keeping my place in Tarzan of the Apes with my pinky finger, which is nearly numb from the cold.

Ben’s words are calm, restrained, painstakingly chosen. Firelight is fierce and bloody on his face. “I had two infant brothers die of pneumonia, a perfectly preventable illness had they had access to good doctors and proper nutrition and a warm dry home, which they did not. I had a sister die in childbirth because there was no midwife available to attend to her. I have had friends come home from the war with limbs or half their faces missing, a fate which I myself am spared only because of my employment with Sir Buchanan. You have no idea what the world has been through while you were off playing board games and reading novels in greenhouses and lounging on lakeshores with your idyllic little family. You have no idea what life is like for the rest of us. And perhaps that’s not your fault, and it is unjust of me to resent you for it, and I must learn to temper this wrath I’ve been carrying around in my chest since childhood. But it’s still true.”

He stands, clutching his notebook with hands that are red from the savage Siberian wind, and vanishes into the tent.

#ben hardy fic #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast fic

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canthelps · 2 years

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it had been four, maybe five months since maxime had last spoken to london, it had been a very abrupt way that the other ended things. at first maxime had been angry, she had been angry for a long time. she didn’t really understand why she was so angry-- they weren’t actually together, despite what she had jokingly said in the voice note that had apparently rubbed the other woman the wrong way. but they had spent a lot of time together, despite living in different continents mostly, and maxime enjoyed the blonde’s company. she tried not to be angry, told herself that this was all inevitable and that they were never going to work out due to her standing and the fact that they lived three and a half thousand miles away.

then, after being angry, max had felt a little relieved. she had gotten the sense for a while that london had wanted more from her, and max had always tried hard to avoid that conversation. they were in different parts of their lives, and max wanted to enjoy her twenties before she inevitably got tied down. she knew from her family that if she hadn’t found a suitable husband by the time she was 30, they would find one for her- it might be 2022, but the french aristocracy still had appearances to uphold and they would rather she be unhappy than it seem like they didnt have control of one of their own. as much as it pained her to admit it, max had always secretly planned to get married to london in her late 20s, if only to fend off the looming arranged marriage, but now it seemed like that wasn’t likely to happen. she should have known that people don’t usually sleep with each other for seven years at a time. london probably would have found someone then, someone who actually lived in the same country as her and wasn’t afraid of settling down.

during their time apart, maxime had been travelling around- a few weeks at her family’s vineyard in the south of france, monaco for the casinos and racing, london for wimbledon and royal ascot, one of her friends had a boat moored in santorini and they’d spent a couple of weeks getting very tanned and very drunk on the bow, and of course she’d spent the entire time racking up the numbers in her body count- but things still never really felt right.

she was in hvar right now- a small island off the coast of croatia, known for its party culture. she had the penthouse suite in one of the finest hotels on the island, and a number of phone calls from her mother and her mother’s staff telling her to come home and stop haemorrhaging money- which she wasn’t doing because london broke up with her. of course not. she just liked to live it up in the summer, its not like she had a job or anything. it was about 3am, and everyone around her was getting ready to go out, but maxime had had a few too many shots and maybe a line too many and she didn’t want to be going to another party, she just wanted to go home. but in that moment, she realised she didn’t want to go back to versailles, back to her mother and the stiff upper lips and her childhood bedroom. she wanted to be tucked up in fresh sheets in a new york apartment in london’s arms.

that was how she found herself sat on the floor of a wardrobe while a party raged on around her, tearfully calling a woman who didn’t want anything to do with her. “Salut, je sais que je ne devrais pas t'appeler, je t'ai vu- merde!” she sighed, before forcing her brain to switch to english. “hi. its me. max. in case you’ve deleted my number off your phone. i know i shouldn’t be calling you since you’ve made it very clear by posting multiple instagram stories a day of you and your new girlfriend. but im in hvar right now, i dont know if you remember but it was one of the places i said i would take you so we could fuck in the fort....” she trailed off, wondering if she should just shut up now.

“i’m uh, i’m sorry if i was rude to you. its weird, i was taught etiquette as a child but actual manners was something that was never on the agenda. and, well. there’s a reason that there’s a stereotype that french people are all assholes. its because we are.” she hiccupped, before deciding that she’d embarrassed herself enough, and she should probably just go all in. “look, i really liked you london, but i never really learnt how to do proper human relationships because my parents hate each other and i’ve been at boarding school since I was four, and before then i had an around the clock nanny. even now all my friends are pretty much just here for the money. i’m not sure any of them would still be here if they’d actually had to pay for their flights and the hotel. but with you... it always felt real? and that scared me. fuck, it scared me so much. i didn’t know how to let loose, to be vulnerable. all i knew is i wanted to spend time with you and have fun. i think i could tell that you wanted something more serious so i started to pull away a little bit” she was crying now, tears streaming down her face as she said everything she’s been meaning to.

“but i also think-- and i’m not trying to make excuses, there was a bit of a culture difference. i didn’t even think i was being mean, that’s just how french people are. we’re blunt. we bully people as flirting. but fuck, i’ve always felt like i was going to marry you one day, i just always thought it would be after i whored it out in my twenties, but then i didn’t even care that much when you started talking about knocking me up, but i think that might just be a kinky thing. i still think the idea is hot by the way, and if you ever do want to breed my royal pussy and make a baby that will be uhhhh-” she paused for a second, counting on her fingers “15th? in line for the french throne, i’m totally down.” maxime sniffed again, taking a deep breath. “sorry, i got distracted. what i was trying to say is, i wanted to whore out, i have been whoring out recently and i’ve realised that i’m sick of waking up in a hotel room bed with a stranger who doesn’t care if i live or die. i want to be in new york, with you and you never taught me how to scramble eggs even though you said you would so you’re gonna have to make some for me, but its okay because i’ll give you the best blow job of your life while you do.”

“anyway. i’m getting sick of the med. i think i’m probably going to go to my penthouse in manhattan for a bit to decompress, because there’s no way in hell i want to face my mother any time soon. if i do go to new york, i’ll come by and say this all in person. well. if i remember what i said because as you can probably tell from the slurring, i’m real fucked up right now. pretty rude of you to not pick up, since i think its only like...9pm there? say hi to the new girlfriend from me, hope her ass is as tight as mine. bon nuit.”

@edgecfeden

#maxime #maxime ft london #this is a self para but it still goes in their tag #also its criminally long lmao turns out max has some ~feelings~

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morizoras-cave · 4 years

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Purple Patches

Benedict Cumberbatch x Teen!Co-Star!Reader, Tom Holland x Teen!Co-star!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluffy ending

Description: Filming the newest Dr. Strange movie (in which Tom would also appear), you grow quite close with the two leads, Tom and Benedict. But you’re hiding something alarming from them. Four months in the entire crew get a week off to see their families for Christmas, and when you return Tom and Benedict can’t help but feel troubled, as your body is rippled with purple patches.

Warnings: CHILD ABUSE, physical abuse, broken family, alcoholism, depression, anxiety??

A/N: I had another imagine written but im ngl its kind of.. weird? its unconventional for sure. and its definitely bad. so, maybe ill rewrite someday or something? ALSO SORRY IF YOU DONT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, JUST IMAGINE YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF EVIL CHRISTIAN STEP DAD WHO FORCES IT INTO YOUR FAMILY

The taxi you sat in drove slowly in the New York traffic, as snow fell outside, coating the entire city in blinding white. You couldn’t enjoy it however. Your entire body hurt, and yet you still couldn’t find even a moment to worry about your health. All you could think about was them.

Tom and Benedict. Your sweetest coworkers, and at this point your closest.. anything. Family, friends? Who cares, you had no one else. You’d gone back for the holidays like everyone else, even though you wished you could have just stayed at in your trailer. Your dad, like any other time you saw him, had used this time to pour his anger and alcoholism out on you. Your body which had finally begun to heal, was now back to square one, covered in cuts and bruises.

You knew what would happen if anyone found out. You’d be taken from your family. But in truth, although you hated being around him, you wanted to wait for your dad. You wanted to wait for him to get over his alcoholism, you wanted him to get better, and then he’d treat you better.

But they would find out. You were covered in bruises and purple patches. Your face was fine, except for your neck, but the rest of your body was ruined. Ugly. You could hide most of it, but it hurt. Even just sitting there, in the soft and plush taxi seat, you body was aching and wailing like a police siren.

And what if they noticed you foundation-covered hands? Or the movie required you to wear something more revealing?

“You okay?” the deep voice of your taxi driver ripped you from your thoughts. A single tear had slid down your face. You cleared your throat and nodded, wiping the tear from your cheek.

You arrived at the set, and an impossible knot had been tied in your stomach. Nervousness tingled in your heart and your legs, but you got up anyway, trying to calm your breath. The moment you stood up, you winced and stopped.

You managed to roll your luggage to your trailer, biting your lip continuously in order to keep yourself from screaming. You threw it on the floor of your trailer, whimpering and doubling over in pain.

“Y/n!” a rapid knock on your door, interrupted you. It was Tom’s voice. You took a shaky breath, closing your eyes, and then opening the door. Tom stood there in your doorway like a smiling idiot. Your lips widened into a smile just from seeing him.

“Y/n!” he repeated stepping inside and wrapping his arms around you in a hug. You bit your lip again, hiding your pain-wrenched face in his chest, before hugging him back. He placed his head on yours sweetly. “I missed you!” he gushed.

You hit his chest playfully, “I missed you too,” you frowned for a moment and looked away. Tom’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you okay?” You simply nodded. Tom stared at you for a moment and then shook his head. “Anyway, um, Benedict asked me to tell you that he’s invited both of us youngsters out for dinner tonight. Just as one last ‘fuck you!’ to work, before officially start back up tomorrow.”

“That does sound like something he would do,” you agreed and Tom laughed, punching your shoulder playfully. You yelped loudly, retreating quickly from him.

“Woah,” he exclaimed, holding his hands up, “Are you okay? What happened to your shoulder?”

“I fell,” you said. Nervousness jabbed at your ribs. You’d barely talked to Tom for a minute and he’d already asked if you were okay twice. He seemed to buy your explanation, and apologized for accidentally hitting your sore shoulder, to which you nodded absently.

Tom was silent for a couple of heartbeats. He studied you. You were not usually like this. Or maybe you had been a little like this those four months ago, when you first started filming. He didn’t understand what caused you to be that way, so distant and unhappy.

“Hey, anyway, I’m gonna go, I’m trying to actually read the script this time,” he joked, and you laughed because you knew it was a hopeless task.

“Have fun,” you mumbled, and as soon he left, you body slid down against the wall, and your facade crumbled, tears leaving your eyes.

___________________________

Before the dinner, you took three pain killers. Then, you waited restlessly, hoping that the pills might kick in. They did but your body felt strange and buzzy. You ignored it, a blossoming hope forming in your chest that you might be able to conceal your pain in the pills and the clothing.

Benedict came knocking on your door around 7, a smile on his face. “Y/n!” he said, and you both hugged. A small smile had formed on your lips, when you actually managed to deal with the ache, now much weaker than previously.

You both then walked to Tom’s trailer, and then the three of you walked to a restaurant, not too far from your filming location.

“So, what have you two been up to in our little break?” Benedict asked once you all sat down, having ordered already. You glanced at Tom, hoping that he’d start.

“Me and my brothers went back home to our mum and dad. Had a pretty regular Christmas. I gave the best gifts. I got some pretty cool socks,” Tom joked around. You and Benedict stifled a laugh. Then both Ben and Tom looked at you, and you realized it was your turn to tell them about what you’d been up to.

“Oh, well, I.. I spent Christmas with my parents. My grandparents and cousins also came,” you were lying through your teeth. You avoided their eyes, sipping your soda.

“Got any presents?” Benedict asked and you cursed at yourself internally for forgetting such a simple part of Christmas. And for making things awkward.

“I got some clothes, some books. Pretty standard stuff,” you forced a smile, “What about you, Benadryl?”

Benedict rolled his eyes at your comment, making you and Tom fist-bump one another, giggling quietly as he told you about his own Christmas. The night was going alright, except for that rough start. Mostly you avoided any talk of your family, and you could feel yourself getting better, the further the conversation got from your family. Until-

“Y/n, what’s that on your hand?”

Instinctively, you pulled your hand to your lap, straightening yourself up and gulping. You looked down, pretending to inspect it and then looked up.

“It’s, uh, it’s dirt. Wow, I should really go wash my hands, haha-” Tom grabbed your hand from under the table, pulling it towards him. Your foundation was wearing off, a large purple patch stemming from your wrist and snaking up your hand revealing itself.

You couldn’t breathe. Both Tom and Ben just stared at it. You tried to pull back but Tom was much stronger than you. Tears blurred your vision.

“Y/n, what is this?” Tom whispered, and you felt his fingers rubbing the bruise gently. The tears finally fell, and now both men were looking at you. Benedict looked serious. It was an expression you’d never really seen on his features before, at least not outside of your acting.

“I-I fell..” you mumbled, but you knew it was useless.

“Y/n.. Who did this?” Benedict’s voice was low, gently setting a hand on your shoulder. You flinched.

“I don’t know.. I don’t..”

“Y/n!” Tom��s voice was raised. You immediately jumped away from them both, putting your arms in front of you in fear. Several people turned to look at you three. Shaking, you lowered your hands, and saw Tom and Ben staring at you worriedly. Tom had tears in his eyes.

“Let’s talk about this back at the studio, okay?” Benedict, now afraid to touch you, spoke slowly and comfortingly. You nodded and then two men got up, standing on either side of you, grabbing one of your hands each.

“Was it your dad?” Tom growled as you walked in the night, moon rising in the sky.

“Yes..” you whispered, so low you wondered if they heard it, but they did. They both exchanged glances. Tom was furious. Benedict was too, but he was collected. Tom itched to ask you more and help you, console you right there on the street, but Benedict sent him a warning look not to.

You walked back to the studio in silence. The three of you entered your trailer and you quietly wished you had predicted something like this would happen, because the bottle of strong pain killers was still out and open on your kitchen table.

Benedict spotted them immediately and grabbed them. His eyes narrowed as he read the bottle description. Then he looked at you and then it again. Tom watched helplessly, holding your shoulders gently.

“How many more are there? Bruises.” Ben was clearly angry. He was losing his cool, hands shaking as he grabbed your hand to pull up your sleeve. You tried to move his hand away, but he slid the sleeve up to your elbow and just stared at the blue, yellow and purple that littered your arm. Tom was frozen beside you.

Ben slid up your other sleeve, breathing speeding up as he saw more, and then he tugged at the collar of your turtleneck, exposing the jarring and ugly sight of a red handprint. He pulled away suddenly, walking away from you.

“Fuck!” he yelled, hitting the wall of the trailer. He hung his head low. You jumped and turned around, but Tom simply embraced you, and then sat you both down on the floor. You hid your face in his neck, sobbing again. Tom’s hands slowly rubbed your back.

“Okay..” said Benedict after a while. You could hear that he’d calmed down. Ben angrily wiped a few tears from his face, turning to you and Tom on the floor. Tom was simply frowning now. He never wanted to let you go. He never wanted any harm to come to you.

“I’m gonna call the police and get your dad arrested,” he said, and you heard his footsteps, as he wondered what to do next.

“No!” you exclaimed, scrambling to your feet away from Tom. Both men looked at you in confusion. “No! You can’t do that, he’s- he’s just trying to get better. If I wait a little longer, he’s going to get better.”

“Y/n..” Benedict whispered sadly and you ran to him hoping to stop him. “You can’t wait for him. You’re putting yourself in danger..” you shook your head, but Ben grabbed your shoulders and looked into your eyes, “he’s a grown man, Y/n. He doesn’t deserve pity or patience. Not after doing this. Nothing excuses this. Nothing.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, lip quivering, but still you nodded.

“Can your mother take care of you?” Ben asked, piercing blue eyes still staring into your soul. There was no point in lying anymore, you knew.

“No.”

“Alright, then you’ll stay with me.” Ben declared, “You’ll stay with me until we can find someone from your family who can take care of you.” You looked up at him with shining eyes. Despite the uncomfortable situation you found yourself in, a genuine smile broke out on your face.

You hugged him, thanking him breathlessly. Ben and Tom made eye contact, and smiled gently at each other. Tom had cried silently at your interaction. The thought that someone would hurt someone he loved so dearly shattered his heart completely.

“Now,” Benedict said finally, “we need to drive you to the hospital.”

You agreed and while Tom drove, Ben was in the backseat on the phone with the police department. You just watched the beautiful neon lights shining in the pitch black night, snow illuminating the ground. People still littered the streets.

You knew it now. Your father didn’t deserve your waiting, and though it would take very long to finally live with and truly understand, it was worth it to start the fight. You truly owed it to the two jerks you worked with. What would you even do with out them?

#marvel #avengers #dr strange #dr strange x reader #dr. strange #dr. strange x reader #benedict cumberbatch #benedict cumberbatch x reader #spiderman #spiderman x reader #peter parker x reader #stephen strange x reader #tom holland #tom holland x reader #avengers x reader #avengers cast x reader #marvel cast x reader #marvel x reader

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thefallennightmare · 3 years

Text

Hard to Love [15/?]

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Words: 1338

Warnings: this story will have mentions of abuse, mental and physical so please read at your own risk. Some swearing, angst, and a good amount of fluff. Maybe some smut if I’m feeling frisky.

Summary: After moving to a new town all on her own, Reader would do anything for a stable job and income. Even if that means housekeeping for one of Boston’s eligible bachelors. What she didn’t expect was finding herself falling in love with him and him finding out about the past that she was running from.

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the last cute chapters cause it’s time to get angsty. Buckle in cause no one and I mean no one is ready.

Tags: @kelbabyblue @patzammit @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @jennmurawski13 @divadinag @cosmicbreathe @thevelvetseries @capstopavenger @chris-butt @denisemarieangelina @im-a-stranger-thing @jennamarieee623 @introvertedmouse @lharrietg @breezykpop @instantbasementtimetravel @rodgersteves @michaelscotf @40srogcrs @wonderingshawn @bellaireland1981 @katelyneannxo @lady-x-red @sare-bare93-blog @thejemersoninferno @annmariek8 @theoldseoul

“So that’s a no for dinner then?”

A soft sigh fell past my lips and I clutched the phone closer to my ear. “I’m sorry, Chris. I have this study group tonight for my final. I can’t miss it again.”

“I know, I know.” Chris’ sad sigh was very evident through the speaker of my phone. “I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course,” I smiled.

With a quick hang up, I trekked my way across the green field towards the campus library where four other members of my study group were patiently waiting. I had been late, yet again, because working at Chris’ went way later than I anticipated.

It probably was the shower sex but I wasn’t complaining.

It had been a few months since we debuted our relationship and despite all of the rude things I read online, our relationship had blossomed amazingly. I took Chris’ advice to not let whatever I read bother me or get between us; I hadn’t. But I was still very apprehensive when we went out in public together. No one ever bothered us but the fear of running into one of his upset fans loomed around in my mind.

Chris had offered to get another housekeeper but I immediately declined. We had come to a mutual agreement. I would continue to do things around his house for him and he would pay for my courses. I disagreed for the first hour but eventually he wouldn’t let it go. He was proud of me that I was making a better future for myself.

To be honest, I think he was afraid that I would go back to stripping. For the sake of both of us, that was the very last resort.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” I apologized while sliding into the seat next to one of the girls in my class.

Monica waved me off. “No problem. We should get started with chapter seven.”

As we all studied the material for our upcoming final, I couldn’t help but feel a burning gaze in the back of my head. I dared a few glances over my shoulder but kept finding nothing; no one. I had to tell myself multiple times that I was overthinking it. No one had been following me or watching me.

I would have believed myself if it hadn’t been happening for the last few days.

“Babe? You here?” I called out as I entered the house.

Dodger immediately greeted me with his usual happy tail and bark. Giving him a scratch on his head and his favorite treat, I followed the music of a piano and felt my heart melt at the sight in front of me.

Chris’ fingers moved effortlessly across the keys of the piano, an unfamiliar tune bouncing off the walls of his home.

My hands slid over his shoulders and down his chest, pecking his cheek.

“I love it when you play.”

He looked over his shoulder and placed a chaste kiss across my lips. He then spun around on the bench while placing his hands on my hips.

“How was the study group?” Chris asked.

“Good,” I nodded. “I know it’s kind of late but I wanted to stop by to say hi on my way back to my apartment.”

Chris puckered his lip asking for a kiss, which I granted, and he looked up at me underneath the brim of his hat.

“You can stay here if you want,” he offered.

“I’ve been staying here every night the past week. I don’t want to impose anymore,” I said.

He merely shrugged. “You’re not. This house is yours too. Dodger sits at the door waiting for you when you’re gone.”

“Is that so?” I cooed towards the dog.

I left Chris’ grasp and laid on the couch next to Dodger, scratching his belly. My attention was fully on Dodger that when Chris spoke those words, I had to double back at him, my eyes doubled in size.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” I asked.

“Move in with me,” Chris said with no ounce of hesitation.

My lips mimicked a fish, open then close then open again before closing again. Chris stared at me, waiting for an answer. I could tell in the way his shoulders slightly dropped, regret filling him. So I extended my hand towards him, pulling him down to the couch with me. He landed on his back while I laid with my chin on his stomach, looking up at him. His shirt rode up a bit, exposing his muscles on his stomach, and I placed a few kisses there.

“I’d love to move in,” I beamed up at him.

His smile beamed down at me then in a quick second, I was over his shoulder and he was walking up the stairs towards the bedroom.

Our bedroom.

“Bye Laura!”

I gave a small wave towards one of my classmates, the cold night air breezing through my hair. Our night class had run a bit past end time and with the two texts I had received from Chris during class, I wanted to rush home to him. He mentioned that he had a surprise for me and that he planned out a romantic evening.

That one specific thought ran through my mind but I quickly pushed it out. We weren’t ready for that, we both agreed, but even the mere thought of Chris getting down on one knee did cause my heart to flutter.

My feet came to a screeching halt when my eyes took in the sight in front of me. All four tires on my car had been slashed; not a small one either. A very large slice ran all the way around each tire.

“What the fuck,” I cursed while looking over my shoulder.

I hadn’t seen anything or anyone out of the ordinary but it still didn’t ease the worried chill that ran through me. My hands shook as I took out my phone and dialed Chris’ number.

“Hey beautiful,” His calming voice did nothing.

“Uh, I need you to come pick me up from campus.” My breath came out ragged.

I couldn’t see anyone else in the parking lot besides me but the feeling of being watched weighed heavy on my back.

“Everything alright?” He questioned, concerned.

“Something is wrong with my car. Can you please come pick me up?”

Chris could hear my voice shake so he said a quick goodbye before the line went dead. I felt exposed out in the open so I decided to wait for Chris in my car. Thankfully he was there within ten minutes, his car sliding up to mine. I knew with the look on his face when he came around to my car and saw the tires, he was pissed.

“What the hell happened?”

I shrugged as I stood in front of him. “I have no clue. I came out of class and saw this.”

He bent down to inspect the tires. “This isn’t an accident, Y/N. This is personal!”

My body flinched away from him, something I still had no control over. Chris hadn’t ever raised his voice at me ever since I told him about my past with Chad because he knew it triggered me.

Immediately his face softened while he stood, placing his hands gently on my shoulders.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Chris apologized.

I nodded, letting him know that I was fine. “Can we please go home?”

Reluctantly, he let it go, for now, and within minutes we were on our way back home. My lips were pressed in a hard line, forcing myself to keep quiet. The words were practically clawing at my lips, begging to be let out. I didn’t want any secrets between Chris and I but this was one that I would be keeping.

I had a sinking feeling that I knew exactly who slashed my tires and who had been following me, however, I didn’t want to admit it, afraid that I was right.

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans and reader #reader insert #chris evans and yn #chris evans x yn #chris evans smut #chris evans angst

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