#'it makes a big big difference to your life and it's made a big difference to my life'
Text
Now I’m in exile seeing you out
Pairing: Azriel x reader | WC: 4k | warnings: none
Summary: a follow up to you’re losing me - You've reached your tipping point where you can't forgive Azriel's constant choice of work over you. Can he fix things? Or did things get wildly out of hand and it's too late?
Author’s note: you guys loved part one, hopefully this offers a satisfying conclusion 🥰
2k celebration masterlist
Your new apartment was quiet, not even your neighbors were making noise. You had grown accustomed to the silence the past few months - Azriel always being gone had left the house a certain way - too large, too quiet, too much without him. This silence felt different.
It wasn’t full of expectation - of wanting Azriel to come through the door or expecting him to treat you like he did in the before.
Now you’re in the after, your finger feeling light from the lack of the ring on it. Fae don’t usually wear rings - a human custom that Feyre had told you all about, one that Azriel found quite romantic.
“So that way when we are buried and our scents are gone, if anyone found our bodies, they would know what we were.”
His words were romantic, but now the tan line on your finger just made you feel hollow, as if this wasn’t supposed to be happening.
Any sound you made just echoed through the too empty space - you had foolishly gotten rid of most of your previous furniture when you and Azriel bought a house - your new furniture not arriving for a few more days. Feyre had found you this apartment rather quickly when you showed up at the River House in the middle of the night, uncertain of where else to go. She and Rhysand had agreed to let you stay there until you found a place of your own and they also agreed to not tell Azriel where you were.
“We could start fresh,” you had said to him, mainly wanting a good enough reason to throw out the couch you’ve had for half a century. But now all the new furniture was left behind, in a house too big for one occupant, probably laughing at your past words.
A knock at the door interrupts your thoughts, and you look through the peephole to find Feyre standing outside with a large plant of some sort. You unlock the door, letting her in. She gives you a soft smile and hugs you, the absurdly large plant making it somewhat difficult to get your arms around her.
She chirps a greeting to you, rubbing your back gently as you pull back from her. She knew why you had done it - you spent several nights over the past year on her couch crying to her over Azriel and his lack of time for you.
Behind her came Rhys, carrying several buckets of paint, rollers, tins, tarps. Your eyebrows raised, “is this your new art studio, Feyre? Are you going to teach Rhys how to paint?”
She giggles and Rhys rolls his eyes at you, setting the things in his arms down before kissing you on the top of your head. You lean into his touch before he pulls away, softly telling you, “we’re helping you paint the place - white walls are boring.”
In the days to come over the next week, you had multiple visitors. They all made you feel better while they were here, but whenever they left you felt that Azriel shaped hole in your heart all over again. Cassian had been the first after Feyre to visit, barreling into your apartment, nearly squeezing the life out of you once he got in the door, upset he had to wait so long to see you.
“Cass, it’s been four days.”
“The house’s not the same without you.”
“I highly doubt that.”
Cassian gave you a look that you didn’t like, and the two of you were teetering on the edge of the forbidden. You had asked Feyre to tell everyone they can come visit, but not to talk about Azriel in any way.
Unfortunately, much of Cassian’s life involves Azriel so he had a much harder time than everyone else. Any time he’d veer into Azriel territory, he’d quickly go, “oops” and cover his mouth very quickly, as if he had cursed in front of a child.
Elain had visited the next day, offering to help you prepare some potted window plants. The two of you walked through the Velaris markets, Elain prattling on about different kinds of plants. You knew she was trying to distract you, help you pick up the pieces of your broken life. So you picked out different plants for your windowsill, the weight of them in your arms much lighter than the weight of your emotions.
It was hard wandering the streets with Elain - this city felt so much like him, the streets littered with cafes the two of you frequented. Elain, whose presence you enjoyed greatly, felt like a stabbing reminder of what you lost.
You know Elain came in with you when you got back to your apartment, repotting the plants into the window planter she brought. Fresh dirt covered their roots, allowing them to grow in their new place. You can’t remember what Elain spoke about, just nodding along with her until you eventually found yourself alone again.
Each day brought a new member of Azriel’s family to visit, and you loved them, truly loved them, but it was hard to feel like they were coming for you as opposed to coming on behalf of him. You knew they loved you, despite whatever was happening between you and Azriel, but your interactions were always colored with him in the background.
You had been expecting Nesta to show up when you opened the door to find Azriel looking back at you.
You were a bit surprised at the restraint he maintained waiting so long, a whole week passing since you had left, but you said all you wanted to say in that note. You wanted him to feel awful, to finally see how you were feeling.
You just hated that it came to this to get him to see you.
He looked terrible. His shadows were pooled at his feet, darting towards you with affection, dancing around you. His wings were practically dragging on the floor, his shoulders sagged, his hair was a mess. His eyes looked lifeless, his jaw covered in stubble.
Good.
“Azriel,” you bit out, not an ounce of affection in your tone. “May I help you?”
“I want you to come home.” His words were clipped, agitation clear in his voice.
“This is my home, you may come in for a few minutes if you want to talk.”
You didn’t really want to invite him in, wanting him to stand outside your door, feeling as unwanted as you had for so many months. But you had new neighbors, and you weren’t sure you wanted to find out how nosy they were with this conversation.
The sight of him made you so angry, but a tiny part of you wanted to reach out to him, running your fingers through his hair, and coax him to come to bed so the two of you could actually sleep.
He shut the door behind him before turning back to you.
“Please, come back. I’ll be better.”
Your hands nestle onto your hips, your jaw rotating in annoyance. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
He sighs, his feet moving of their own accord across your floor, pacing back and forth on the hardwood floor.
“Was I not enough for you?”
His words send you into a tailspin of rage, your vision going red. “Azriel,” you say, voice rising, “that’s a funny thing to ask, when you were never there! I gave you everything. Endless excuses, endless empathy. I spent so much time telling people that what you were doing was okay, that I forgot it wasn’t! You weren’t there!”
His hands run down his face, shaking his head in denial. His shadows swirled the room, and you could hear them whispering to him, but what they were saying you couldn’t make out.
“You’re the one who decided that everything I had wasn’t enough for you.”
Your words hit their mark, and the Illyrian before you halts and removes his hands from his face, looking nothing like the formidable soldier he was, but rather the boy he had been. You take a deep breath, opening your door once more behind him.
“I needed you to risk something, I needed you to choose me.”
You stop forward, pushing him through the threshold.
“Most of all, I needed you to choose yourself, too.”
You shut the door on him, leaning your forehead against the wood. The place was suffocating you with its silence. It was a new silence, compared to the one you’d wait in while Azriel was off.
This one felt full of hope and possibilities.
-
Three decades passed since that fateful night, but you could still see Azriel’s eyes in the shadows some nights. You hated burning candles - the way the shadows flickered and danced reminded you of the shadows that curled your fingers, the ones that kept you company whenever Azriel spent too long away.
You had dated here and there since Azriel - none of them lasting more than a few years. They were fine - all attractive, all nice, but they all ended for one reason or another. One moved to a different court, which you didn’t want to do. Another’s mother didn’t like you and it just didn’t work out after that. Several relationships fizzled out because there just wasn’t a spark between you two. You felt cursed, unlucky in love, destined to be alone.
Or perhaps destined to always be heartbroken.
It wasn’t all bad - you just weren’t lucky with romance. You had fallen back in love with Velaris a few years after leaving Azriel, the city lights coaxing you back. You had actually considered leaving entirely, the city feeling too much of him.
Until one day, about five years after you left, you had walked the Sidra one night, the reflections of the street lights giving the city and the river a new glow.
It enchanted you, waking you up from the stupor you had been in for so long.
After that, you spent a lot of your time around Velaris - running events for the city, making friends with several of the business owners. It felt good to find a new support system in the city - one not connected to your ex boyfriend.
You clutch your coat tighter around yourself as you weave through the streets of Velaris, heading back to your apartment. You walk by some apartments, a few men standing around outside, their boisterous laughs making you feel uneasy. One of them starts calling for you, but you ignore his words and walk faster.
You heard footsteps behind you, and you turned a corner hoping he’d stop following you.
“Leave her alone.”
You knew that voice - the deep timbre one you heard in occasional dreams, calling to you even after all these years. You stop your fast walking, turning just in time to make eye contact with those hazel eyes you’ve been dreaming of forever. You can’t run - he’s already stopped still at the sight of you, as if time was stopping for this unexpected reunion.
He stands behind the guy who was following you, his face peering over the male’s shoulder at you.
“She your bitch?”
Azriel’s growl shocks you, and the male turns, allowing his siphons to glow bright in the night. The male stops his chuckling, replaced with deep apologies, running off in the other direction as Azriel moves closer to you, and the two of you start walking in the direction towards your apartment.
The streets are quiet as Azriel follows your lead, his boots scuffing the cobblestone street. It felt strange to be next to him again, the wind rippling against the skin of his wings a sound you never thought you’d hear again.
He clears his throat, “sorry about them.” He gestures behind himself before adding, “I saw them yelling at some female and just wanted to keep anything from happening.”
You look up at him, drinking in his appearance. Thirty years had passed since he came to your apartment that day - since you yelled and screamed at him. You had wanted to yell more that day, but you were so drained from how things ended, you just wanted to move on. He looked much the same - his jawline sharp, his large nose littered with the freckles you loved so much. They were more prominent now, likely a result of the summer sun. His hair was a little lighter, cut a little shorter than you remembered it, the curls lightly dusting the top of his forehead.
You had hardly spoken to much of his family recently, your new job and not living in one of their properties making it quite difficult to schedule dinners and lunches. The last time you saw any of them was either when Elain visited you about six years ago or when you saw Cassian in a coffee shop, a tiny babe in his arms some odd years ago.
You had caught glimpses of the inner circle over the years - a wave to Feyre across a restaurant, the sight of Rhys’s smirk through a window, the bookshop clerk down the street mentioning Nesta. Glimpses of their lives, but you never allowed yourself to stop for too long to get caught back into their orbit.
You had once been so integrated into the family, but it was hard to continue when you pulled away from Azriel. They loved you, you knew that, but they were his family and it never felt quite right without him, every one of your conversations with them overshadowed by the lack of Azriel. So, you had pulled back. It’s not what they wanted, it’s not what you wanted, but it was what you needed.
So many things were the same, but he somehow looked lighter, as if the weight of the world weren’t on his shoulders anymore. It made him look so free and so beautiful.
Maybe he found someone who could finally help against his demons.
“It’s quite alright - I actually should thank you for that and for walking me home. I wouldn’t feel comfortable walking home alone after that.”
You two continue on in silence, the only sound your shoes against the cobblestones and the fae moving about on the streets, heading off for their nights to start as yours ended on this strange note. The silence was lingering for too long, old emotions stirring beneath the surface. You had to break the tension.
“Is Cassian a dad now?”
Azriel’s eyes widened before throwing his head back laughing. You had almost forgotten just how beautiful that sound was. Almost. “Fuck no.”
His chuckles bounce off the streets of Velaris as he mutters, “but he and Nesta still fuck like they’re desperate for one.”
“But I swear I saw him out with a kid with wings a few years ago.”
Azriel stops to think for a moment before squinting his eyes a bit, “do you remember the issues we had with wing clipping?” You nod, remembering how just the details of some of the things Azriel’s seen at the hands of his people made you queasy. “We helped a few of the women escape the camps - we’ve been trying to make safe spaces for them to live in to prove to the males that they don’t need them. It’s slow, but we’ve got a few dozen living in and around Velaris.”
Wow, you thought. Your smile is genuine as you congratulate him, “that’s impressive, Az!” He shakes his head at your celebratory tone. “Really, I know progress is slow with them, but that’s great.” You beam up at him before scratching the back of your head, “but it still doesn’t explain the kid I saw.”
“A few of the females brought their kids with them, and Cassian likes to spend time with each of them one-on-one. He says it’s a good excuse to get ice cream, but I think he just likes seeing them have a present male in their lives.”
You two continue winding through the streets, a cool breeze lifting through your hair. It was so odd to be here with him, odder still for this to feel normal. Azriel clears his throat, his voice a bit uncertain, “I’ve been uh delegating more.”
You pause, feet stopping on the road. They’re just words, nothing more, but Azriel’s never delegated. A true perfectionist to his core, he never even considered delegating any task Rhys asks of him. You turn to look at him, his hazel eyes looking back to you full of regret and longing.
“I’ve been uh, using some of the spies under me more. I’ve been trusting them with more important work.”
The two of you reached your apartment door, the same one Feyre had painted silver all those years ago. You can hear his shaky breath as he continued. “I don’t deserve you. I never have. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I don’t-“ he sighs. “I don’t deserve you, but I do deserve love.”
His voice breaks at that and some piece of you shatters all over again at how poorly he was treated to never feel like he deserved anything good or kind.
“This is coming out all wrong,” he huffs, tugging lightly at some of his hair, “but Madja’s been helping me for a long time. I- it’s so hard to let me be deserving of love. I always felt I had to earn it. I felt I had to do the impossible things asked of me and that would finally make me worthy.”
He sighs, a slight thump from the door as he leans his forehead against it.
“I am worthy of being loved. And so are you.”
His hands are shaking, but his shadows wrapped around them, forming something similar to tight fitting gloves, offering some kind of security to him to continue.
“If the damage is too much, I understand. You can tell me to fuck off at any point. But if… if you would let me, I’d like to.. I’d like to show you that I’m trying. That I’ve been working on myself.”
You continue to look up at him, gobsmacked at this confessional from him.
“It’s hard. I couldn’t make progress overnight, hence my long absence. But I have made progress. I’ve uh actually been taking days off. I started going on trips to Day and Summer a few years back. I read three books at the beach a few months ago, actually.”
He laughs at the absurdity of his trip - a vacation. Something he’s never done. To spend days on his own, nothing but a book to keep him company is all you’ve ever wanted from him.
A pause. A breath. But he keeps going, needing to get his jumbled thoughts out of his head and into yours.
“It’s been a long time, but I think about you every day. I’ve probably made a fool of myself out here, but if there is any way you aren’t seeing anyone and if any part of you misses me at all…” He trails off, his fist lightly hitting the door. “I just wanted you to know that I’m trying. I’m bettering myself. I am better. I know it’s late, but..”
He trails off, unsure of how to finish his sentence. Your silence was eerie, leading him to keep talking, his words unable to stop.
“I just- I never wanted things to get here. I was foolish, and I didn’t appreciate you. It took you leaving to realize I could not continue like I was… I can’t.. Let myself hurt the people I care about anymore.”
You stay rooted, pressed against the door, not moving.
They were just words, the same things that hurt you over the years of broken promises and missed dates. But they’re so thought out. He’s had thirty years to mull things over, and he feels so much lighter than before.
You’re conflicted, but the optimist in you wins out as your voice finally finds you.
“Show me.”
-
Every Sunday for several weeks at 8 AM Azriel would stand on your doorstep and knock gently. You would open the door and he would present you with a bouquet of flowers - varieties of colors and species made their home on your dining room table as the weeks go by.
The two of you stroll through the city. The city you loved so dearly and for so long, parts of it feeling impossible to look at without thinking of the male next to you.
He would usually open up with some story about Cassian or Rhysand to break the ice. Then he’d tell you about his week - where Rhysand had sent him off, what he did on his days off that weren’t Sunday, anything that stood out. The two of you wander the streets, only stopping for occasional treats to eat while continuing your walk.
As the weeks go by, he starts filling you in on the past thirty years. For a long time, he saw Madja almost daily. She began providing him with herbs that helped regulate his moods, helped him sleep better, and helped him feel better. She also began having him comb through the deepest parts of himself he tried to forget, the memories of that little boy abandoned in that dungeon. He’d also tell you about how the rest of the Inner Circle was doing - Feyre and Rhys were trying for a baby, Elain was traveling a lot, Nesta and Cassian were… Nesta and Cassian.
Now he only sees Madja every other week, and she seems quite impressed by his progress. She should be, you think, he’s a far cry from the male you kicked out of your apartment all those decades ago.
After a few weeks, you began opening up to him as well. How hard it was to leave, your relationships in your time apart, how empty everything had felt without him, how you’d developed some strong friendships in the years apart.
“I had to pick up the pieces of myself too, Az.”
His heart pangs with guilt, but you reach out for his elbow, eyes bright with beginnings.
“I always wondered what I’d do if you came back to me, but I never thought you’d be how you are now. You seem so… light?” Your voice comes out more like a question, and you chuckle. “You just seem so different, but in a good way.”
“I feel different. I feel like I’m not… like I’m not that little boy anymore. Like I don’t have to prove myself to be loved. If not by you, by someone.”
His words linger in the air and you couldn’t help the pride that swelled in your chest at his words.
“I do want it to be you, though. If you’d have me, that is.”
Your heart wanted you to lean forward, wanted nothing more than for you to wrap yourself in his embrace. But before either of you could move forward, you had to know, one way or another.
“Why did you keep pushing the wedding back?”
Your voice was soft and shaky, but the question had been lingering on your mind for so long, it was on the tip of your tongue every time the two of you met up.
“I couldn’t tell you before because you would have been so nice about it, but I- I thought I was ruining you. I didn’t want you, so kind, so wonderful, to be tethered to me for all eternity. But I was too selfish to let you go. I still am, I suppose.”
He shrugs, his shoulders folding inward toward you, his wings drooping a bit. “I know now how ridiculous that sounds, but I.. wanted you but I also wanted better for you.”
He turned toward you, his skin shining like gold in the sun. He was radiant - a word hardly ever used for him before. He looked as Helion does, as if the sun was redirecting its rays through him.
“So I became better for you, for myself, for my family.”
And that was what you needed to hear. It was never about you (in many ways it was), but at the end of the day, you always wanted what was best for the both of you.
And he became that.
On a beautiful summer day, you stood on your tiptoes, your hands reaching upwards to pull his face into yours.
And by gods even his kisses felt lighter.
Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main @azrielsmate3 @pit-and-the-pen
Azriel taglist: @brieflyclassymortal @thisiskaylin
People who asked for a part two: @piceous21 @itsswritten @leeknows-wife @12344321heyyy @cauldronboilmetakemetovelaris @naturakaashi @janebirkln @slut4acotar @kaitttttttt @queerqueenlynn @anuttellaa @dee-writes-smut @bunnyredgirl @historygeekqueen @michealharrypotter @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @dyingsinglecuzimfangirl @crazylokonugget @yearninglustfully
Thanks for reading 💕
#acotar fanfiction#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel fanfic#azriel fluff#acotar writing#azriel#azriel x y/n#azriel angst
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Endos / endogenics and why they aren't valid :
We've made posts on this before but we decided it might be good to make one big post to link to for when / if anyone asks again. We tried to cover everything we could in this post but we'll likely be making other posts similar to this later on.
So what are endos? Endos or endogenics are people who claim to have DID/OSDD without trauma or claim to have alters / be a system without having DID/OSDD.
Why is this bad? This is misinformation because as far as science knows DID/OSDD is a trauma based disorder (specifically caused by trauma in early childhood, which is speculated to be 1-9 / 1-12 years old) and your brain would not split / create alters without reason. You cannot have alters without having a disorder, this is common sense as it's not normal to have alters. To add onto this endos also take over our communities and steal our terms. (We'll make a post with further information on that in the future).
There is also a carrd that explains why endos are bad and debunks a few myths if anyone is interested in it! If not continue reading
Why can't you have DID/OSDD or alters without trauma? As far as science knows DID/OSDD is a trauma disorder and in order to have alters in the first place you require dissociation, which is also a trauma response. Here are tons of medically reviewed sources that say this:
“ They suggest that DID is caused by experiencing severe trauma over a long time in childhood. By experiencing trauma in childhood, you take on different identities and behaviours to protect yourself. As you grow up these behaviours become more fully formed until it looks like you have different identities ” — rethink.org
“ Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder, is a complex psychological condition caused by many things. These include severe trauma during early childhood (usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse). It's also known as split personality disorder. ” — webMD
“ DID is usually associated with adverse experiences in someone’s past and traumatic memories. ” & “ Dissociation — a major part of DID — is a defense mechanism the body uses to reduce your awareness during overwhelming trauma ” — pysch central
“ DID is associated with long-term exposure to trauma, often chronic traumatic experiences during early childhood. ” & “ Dissociation—or disconnection from one’s sense of self or environment—can be a response to trauma. It can happen during a single-incident, traumatic event (e.g., an assault, a natural disaster, or a motor vehicle accident), or during ongoing trauma (e.g., wartime; chronic childhood abuse). ” — mcleanhospital.org
“ Dissociative disorders often develop as a way to deal with a catastrophic event or with long-term stress, abuse or trauma. This is particularly true if such events take place early in childhood. At this time of life, there are limitations to your ability to fully understand what’s happening. In addition, your coping mechanisms aren’t fully developed and getting support and resources depends on the presence of caring and knowledgeable adults. ” — my.clevelandclinic.org
“ There are many possible causes of dissociative disorders, including previous traumatic experience. ” & “ Switching off from reality is a normal defence mechanism that helps the person cope during a traumatic time. ” — nhs.uk
“ Dissociative identity disorder is the result of a natural way of coping with childhood trauma. Our page on the causes of dissociative disorders has more information. ” & “ Dissociation is a natural response to trauma while it's happening. But some of us may still experience dissociation long after the traumatic event has finished. Past experiences of dissociation during traumatic events may mean that you haven't processed these experiences fully. ” — mind.org (two links since they're two different pages)
“ Dissociative disorders usually start as a way to cope with shocking, distressing or painful events. The disorders most often form in children who go through long-term physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Less often, the disorders form in children who've lived in a home where they went through frightening times or they never knew what to expect. The stress of war or natural disasters also can bring on dissociative disorders. When you go through an event that's too much to handle emotionally, you may feel like you're stepping outside of yourself and seeing the event as if it's happening to another person. Mentally escaping in this way may help you get through a shocking, distressing or painful time. ” — mayoclinic.org
Most of these sources are pretty recent too, with the most recent one being made in September 2023 (webMD)
What about religious beliefs / tuplamacy? First people are not required to believe or participate in your religious beliefs (and religious beliefs are not exempt from criticism) and second tuplamacy is a closed Buddhist practice that has nothing to do with being a system and should not be compared to being a system nor should it be included / involved in system communities. Note that the DSM-V also says that in order to have DID; "The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice." <- this does not mean it's possible to have alters due to a religious thing, if anything it says they cannot be counted as alters / as a system.
To add on, no you cannot pray to be a system or transition into being a system. If you were to pray and one day magically become a system you are either in denial or you've convinced yourself you're something you're not. Believing you can be a system without trauma or that you can become a system by praying is like believing you can get autism from vaccines or drinking too much dairy milk, that's just not how it works.
What about mixed origin systems? Mixed origin systems are not a thing. DID/OSDD forms purely from trauma, you can't form from a mix of trauma and not trauma, that's not how it works. If you identify as mixed origin you are likely in denial and really need to come to terms with the fact that you are either traumatized or you're not a system at all.
What about other kinds of origins? Other origins like "willowgenic" and all that bullshit? Yeah no, same thing as endos, not possible. Look above for all the proof you need, DID/OSDD is only caused by trauma. Traumagenic is the only valid origin.
But I gave myself DID! / But I created my own alters! No you didn't. That isn't possible, you cannot turn yourself into a DID/OSDD system and creating alters is a coping mechanism, not something you do for fun, sources on this;
“ DID Isn't Something You Can Give Yourself on Purpose. Having DID was not a conscious decision those of us with the disorder made when we were children. Dissociative identity disorder is not a selective disorder, meaning you cannot decide that you want to develop this brilliant coping mechanism and then you have it. ” — healthyplace
“ In any case, additional alters are usually the result of extreme stress. The mind does not like to be fractured even when an individual already has DID or OSDD-1. Many individuals cannot split unless a split is strictly necessary for their protection, functioning, or ability to remain hidden as a system. That said, there are exceptions. Some individuals may become so used to using splitting as a coping mechanism that they may split easily in response to seemingly minor stressors. ” — didresearch.org
Isn't being a system like the same as being trans or being LGBTQ? No, many endos compared the two but they are completely different. Being LGBTQ is an identity, it's something you are born as. Being a system is a debilitating disorder caused by severe trauma, it is counted as a disability which is;
“ 'A person has a disability if: They have a physical or mental impairment, and the impairment has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on the person's ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities.' ” — gmc.org
The reason DID would be counted as a disability is that;
“ Having a dissociative disorder can affect your ability to keep a full-time job, especially one with work stresses, which can worsen your symptoms. ” — disabilitysecrets
And the DSM-V criteria literally says;
“ The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning ” — traumadissociation
But the DSM-V says that trauma isn't required! No, the DSM-V actually says CSA isn't required, there are other forms of trauma that don't involve CSA or child abuse. To act as if it saying that the trauma isn't always CSA or child abuse means that it doesn't require trauma at all is extremely invalidating to those who are traumatized in ways that don't involve child abuse or CSA.
But this source claims endos exist / DID doesn't require trauma! Most of those sources are extremely old and / or made by endos (or pro endos) themselves. (We'll make a more in-depth post on this topic some other time, but for now this is all we have to say on it)
But we don't know everything about the human brain! You're right, we don't. The brain is mysterious, but we do know enough to know that it doesn't do these kinds of things for no reason. We know the brain reacts to trauma and we know what the difference between a normal brain and a disordered brain is. Just because we don't know everything doesn't give people an excuse to jump to conclusions and spread misinformation. It is better to stick to what science currently knows which is the theory of structural dissociation, which is the current theory about how DID/OSDD forms, and so far no one has been able to disprove it. And before someone says it, no it is not only a theory, it is a scientific theory which is;
“ A theory is a well-substantiated explanation of an aspect of the natural world that can incorporate laws, hypotheses and facts. The theory of gravitation, for instance, explains why apples fall from trees and astronauts float in space. Similarly, the theory of evolution explains why so many plants and animals—some very similar and some very different—exist on Earth now and in the past, as revealed by the fossil record. ” — amnh.org
And to add on;
“ Scientists develop theories to explain the natural world and to advance scientific knowledge. A theory is the highest level of explanation in science. Some features of scientific theories are that they: have been thoroughly tested over an extended period, provide accurate explanations and, predictions for a wide range of phenomena, are widely accepted by the scientific community, demonstrate strong experimental and observational support ” — study.com
#endo misinfo#sourced#anti endo#endos dni#system#traumagenic system#did#did osdd#didosdd#osddid#system stuff#plural system#plural#did system#osdd system#this took a long time
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I’m still on the latine reader train and fucking of course I had to do one of their baby’s ears getting pierced. The boys all react a little differently, but boy, are they amazing fathers.
CW: poly 141, gn!reader, latine reader, piercing mentioned but not described, baby is nicknamed Bug
It’s not something you’d spend a lot of time thinking about, getting your baby girl’s ear pierced. Hell, it wasn’t something you had a hard opinion on even before she came into your lives. But one day, something stirs in you. She’s around 5mos old, trying her hardest to roll over in the center of a nest of pillows her fathers have piled up around her, when you make the call. And while your partners are all understanding and loving, Kyle is the one you approach.
You plop down on the couch next to him, pulling his arms around you to make him hold you. Testing the waters, you spread small, quick kisses on his cheek. It’s a clear gauge of his current mood, and it has him squinting down at you. Not judging, more curious. He knows you’re about to drop something.
“I’m thinking about getting Bug little golden studs.”
“That would make a lovely heirloom for when she gets older, something she can keep on her.”
“No, I mean la voy a llevar down to the piercer this week.”
His arms stiffen around you, and his lack of immediate response makes you turn to look at him. Kyle’s eyes are locked on the baby, his face perfectly neutral in a way you know he’s mastered for his job, like this was also somehow a threat to national security, to life as he knew it to be.
“Vida mía… are you sure?” concern finally creeping in to scrunch his eyebrows.
“Yeah, I’m worried arracadas would snag on something as she’s learning to move more.”
It’s his turn to look at you, and all Kyle finds on your face is the stillness of peace that comes with having made a decision.
“We’ll wait to tell the others,” he knows better than to ask and it has you throwing a big, beaming smile his way. All he can do at this point is return your kisses and ask you to share a link to the shop you want to take your baby girl to.
You got to bed excited that night, thrilled by Kyle’s support. He, on the other hand, stays up late hidden in the bathroom, digging up as much info as he can on the shop to make sure it’s a reputable place. He’s reading every single review folks have left on both the individual piercers and the place itself, and he’s pinching in on every picture to zoom in and look for even the smallest sign of something wrong. A single picture of misaligned piercings would be all that it takes from him to call it all off. But he finds nothing. No skeezy people in the shop, no questionable client pictures, and the shop even has their health and safety certifications on proud display. Well, at least it seems like you chose a good shop.
The next day, Kyle is driving you down to the shop, hands tight on the steering wheel. He wants to be there. He has to be there. Pleased with all his digging and research on the shop, he holds Bug and coos down at her as you run through the details with the piercer. He’s straining his ears like never before, just to try to catch the piercer saying a single thing that sounds off so he can haul you both out of the shop and back home. But again, everything checks out.
His voice is low and rough as he says, “I’d like to hold her as you do it, if that’s alright.”
You know he’s just trying to look out for Bug, trying to maintain some type of control in this terrifying moment, so you just kiss his shoulder and nod at him. Kyle doesn’t say much else. He sits still with his little girl in his arms, eyes wider than usual, taking in every detail he can.
Are the needles and jewelry sterile? The piercer’s pen marks look even on her little ears. Are the piercer’s hands shaking? This close to her little face?
It all happens quickly and nearly painlessly. You’re pretty sure Bug only cried out from how tense Kyle’s arms got as the needle came closer, scared just from sensing his fear. As the piercer finishes cleaning off your little girl’s ears, you hear Kyle release what must have been a held breath. The strain around his eyes immediately warns you of the blistering headache he just gave himself.
You take his hand gently, “All done.”
He nods shakily and presses a kiss to the top of Bug’s head.
He’s never been so proud of his baby girl before. She faced off with something sharp and pain, and she barely batted an eye. Even after, it was almost like nothing had happened. Bug went back to babbling away in an attempt to talk to the piercer, who was kind enough to carry on a short conversation with her. It makes his heart swell with an unbelievable amount of hope. She’ll be able to face the entire world itself by the time she’s grown.
Kyle spends the drive back home in the backseat, looking for any signs of discomfort as your little girl sleeps, her little hand locked around his finger, his smile completely stuck on his face.
~
Simon is the only one home when you get back. He sits in the living room, putzing around with all of Bug’s toys and rugs, clearly waiting for you to get home and preparing for some play time. There aren’t any Baby and Me classes that day, at least as far as he knows. So it must have been something else that pulled you from the house.
He greets both you and Kyle with a soft kiss and a little hum, then reaches for the carseat, “How’s our sweet girl?”
Her gurgles answer him, and she gives him a big gummy smile as he pulls her from the seat. You and Kyle slowly move to put the key and car seat and jackets away, keeping a careful eye on Simon. He lays his baby girl down in his lap, helping bicycle her little legs with big, tender hands. And everything seems fine. Simon is clearly happy to be spending time with Bug again, and you and Kyle both let out a not-so-subtle sigh of relief. The sound of it, unfortunately, is bigger than it should in the room, taking up all the space left open by Simon’s absolute silence. Your eyes go wide and meet Kyle’s, his own reflecting the slight worry in yours, and you both sit on either side of Simon.
“Cariño, are you alright?” you plant a kiss on his cheek, Kyle’s arm finds its way around Simon’s back.
Now that you’re next to him, you can see the little quiver of his lower lip and the tears gathering on blonde lashes, eyes locked in on the little golden studs. His stuttered breathing is the only thing to break the silence.
“She’s so little,” he chokes out, “It must have hurt her so bad.” His tears finally fall as his fingers hover near the baby’s ears.
Kyle presses himself against Simon’s side, “Oh, sweetheart. She’s alright, just look at how happy she is to be with you now.”
“Le dolió más a Kyle than it did her, and he just held her through the whole thing.”
Simon immediately remembers all the times he’s held his baby girl as she’s gotten her shots, how she’s squirmed and cried til she was purple in the face, and he takes another stuttering breath, “What if it makes her scared of jewelry, what if she comes to associate it all with pain?”
You can’t help but smile a little at the stark differences of the picture before you. Simon’s big frame hunches over the baby and his large, scarred hands gently hold her, his face growing ruddy as more tears fall and he starts to sniffle. Meanwhile Bug is wiggling away happily as she lays against the warmth of his thighs, little fists swinging around, feet kicking excitedly at the sound of Simon’s voice.
“I think she’ll be glad she won’t have to heal those piercings as an adult,” you say, carefully wiping his tears away.
Simon chuckles at your comment, taking a tissue from Kyle to clean up his nose, “Yeah, I suppose it is easier now since she’s still sleeping on her back.”
“Plus think of all the jewelry we’ll get to buy her as she grows, toda chipleada.”
Simon gives a full laugh at that, his hands returning to bicycling Bug’s legs. His chest moves with the deep breaths he finally allows himself, his little girl’s infectious smile catching on his face too. What a beautiful, softhearted man he is. He turns to give you each a kiss on the forehead as you and Kyle lean against him, “I’ll have to start tucking away some more money for that then.”
By the time he’s bringing Bug down to the ground to get her moving and playing with her toys, his tears have stopped. A few sniffles pop up every now and then, but he’s smiling, his big, brown eyes warm with love as he plays with her. Simon slowly moves to lay down next to her, mimicking her as she lays on her tummy, his head resting against his folded arms. His eyes flick to her ears every now and then, as if he’s trying to keep an eye out for a potential reaction. But the more pressing matter turns out to be how hard her little hands grab at his face, pulling at his lip until he’s giggling too. He doesn’t flinch a single time. He never will, not with his loved ones. They’re the people he trusts with his entire being.
~
Johnny’s the next one to come home, arriving just a couple of hours later. He comes in the door to find you’re all working on setting up lunch: Kyle is on table duty and sets out drinks, you’re finishing up shoving doritos into the sandwiches, and Simon is still in the living room with baby Bug. Johnny smiles so big his face hurts a little. There are few things he loves as much as just seeing his little family. He could have the single worst day at work, but coming home to yall? That fixes his entire world.
He stands by the door, where he can see all of you, and throws his arms out, “My loves, my dearest ones, I am home.”
You all turn to smile at him. Normally, you’d all come up to greet him with a kiss. It’s a cute little ritual he’s come to love. But you’re all understandably occupied, so it’s his turn to make rounds. He steps to you and Kyle in the kitchen first, pulling you both into his arms so he can place light, lingering kisses to your mouths.
“Feeling your lips against mine once again has righted the world,” his big declarations of love will never truly end, but yall well know just how ecstatic he is to be home again. He’s quick to steal a couple of chips from you, shoving them into his mouth before you can reprimand him. Kyle receives a quick swat to his bum and he chases after Johnny a couple of steps, mirth lighting both their faces.
Johnny jogs over to join Simon on the floor, giving him a careful kiss as well.
“Our sweet Bug, trying so hard to roll. What a perfect little-”
And you know he’s clocked it. The sunshine gleaming off her little studs catches his eye.
“What’s this?” he rises back to his feet, eyes darting to each of your faces.
Simon is the first to try to address his concern, “She’s alright, love. Watch, she’s moving about like nothing happened.”
“No. No. She’s too small to be dealing with this,” Johnny’s pacing the room, hand in his hair as his eyes continue to bounce between your faces. He keeps looking down at his baby girl, the little gold in her ears still shining, her happy little babbling only stopping as she tries to pull Simon’s finger into her mouth. And still, Johnny paces.
“It’s perfectly safe for her age, and the shop was of the highest quality,” Kyle says, stepping into the living room as Johnny continues to wear a track into the carpet. The technical reassurance has him pausing for a moment, the hand clenched in his hair relaxing a fraction.
“But why?” Johnny’s voice climbs a little higher. He’ll never shout at any of you, but the emotion has to come out somehow. “She’s so young. This could have waited.”
More and more questions and rationalizations sprout from his mouth as his pacing picks back up. He brings up his sisters, he brings up his ma. None of them got piercings until they were much older. Then they could pick what they wanted and where. He briefly mentions consent, worried that this means he’s also overstepped as a father. And at one point he just says the word “baptism” and lets out a long groan. Still, he paces. His eyes turn electric with the sheer need to understand. He’s spiraling.
“Johnny, it’s cultural,” you cut through his rambling. It stops him in his tracks.
“Cultural?”
You give him a nod, and his shoulders ease down from their tense clench.
“Well, why didn’t you say so? We’ll have so many cute options for her once they heal,” he says with a smile once again adorning his face, plopping down to join Simon and Bug. “Is there a sandwich for me too, or should I make my own?”
You let out a breathless laugh, the boys look up at you from the floor, smiles toothy and proud.
Kyle covers his face with his hands for a moment, mumbling something to himself before going back into the kitchen, “Yeah, we already have one for you, you brat.”
~
When Price arrives home, he lingers by the door for just a moment, taking in all the sounds of his family chattering and giggling away. He’ll never say it out loud, at least not unless he’s directly asked, but the sound alone of all of you happy and healthy and safe rejuvenates him, adds another 5 years to his life every time. He smiles a little to himself as he puts his shoes into the rack, mindful of where he stores his pack too. You’ve been kind enough to help figure out a system to keep all their shit straight and easily accessible for coming and going, and he tries to reinforce it so much with the other boys that he’s not about to fuck it up.
He’s still smiling as he joins the rest of you in the living room. Price is expecting the usual big smiles and lunging for hugs, but instead, he’s met with all of you trying to talk over each other. Kyle’s on the floor with Simon, both with a hand to help Bug sit up, and you and Johnny are shoving and trying to push the other behind. He can make out Johnny saying the word “cultural” over and over again, but the rest is jumbling together.
Price raises a single hand, immediately silencing the room, “You can all explain what exactly is going on, one at a time, but first I will make my rounds.”
He makes his way around the room, carefully bending for a kiss from each of you. Truly, of all the rules yall have put in place, this is one of Price’s favorites, the greeting smooches for everyone when they come in the door. It gives yall a chance to reconnect, and it really helps him settle back into the peace of his role as a father and partner. He gets to focus on his family in these moments, and he wouldn’t trade that for the fucking world.
As he picks Bug up to give her her own little smooch, the commotion starts again, making him raise his hand once more. He looks over his sweet little girl, taking in her excited little noises and smiling in return.
“Gold looks beautiful on you, Bug,” he murmurs as he gives her another smooch, enjoying the little squealing his facial hair causes.
You let out a little whoop and the rest of the boys give a joyous little cheer as well, immediately launching into how they can use this new development to best spoil their precious Bug. And that’s all there is to it. At least in that moment.
Later on, as you’re all getting ready for bed, you notice Price is still in the nursery. He’s messing with the baby monitor, turning it on and off a couple of times to check the battery, bringing it in as close to the crib as he can. All he needs to do is tap on it to check the mic to complete a full system check. And just as you’re about to call him to bed, he does just that. He turns at the sound of your chuckle, his face so pink you know it’s spread all the way down his neck.
“You bought the top-of-the-line monitor, remember, corazon? Todo ese dinero on fancy walkie-talkies,” you press the words against his chest as he holds you close.
“Can never be too sure.”
A couple of hours later, you’re trying to untangle yourself from the too-warm cuddle puddle and all the entangled legs when you notice Price is no longer in bed. But you hear it before you get too far in your search for him, his gravelly voice humming a song through the baby monitor.
You walk into the nursery to spot him on the big rocking chair, his legs up and reclined as possible, Bug sleeping against his bare chest.
“She’s wounded,” he croaks as you run your fingers through his hair, “she needs her daddy to heal.”
You don’t bring attention to the way his voice is choked up with tears, “Claro que sí, papi.”
“You were her age when you got yours?”
“I was younger.”
“And it didn’t hurt?”
“Never.”
He goes quiet, relishing the feeling of her little back rising and falling under his hand as she breathes.
“Can we take her to the guest room? Sleep with her? At least for tonight?” his nervousness seeps into his voice as he asks.
You grab the baby monitor with you as you walk him towards the guest room, just so the boys don’t panic when they wake up. Thank god yall regularly maintain the guest rooms, it makes settling the pillows and bedding much easier this late at night.
Price shakes his head when you motion towards the center of the bed for him to lay Bug down. Instead, he climbs in alongside you, keeping a sleeping Bug on his chest.
“Just for tonight,” he whispers, “Just for tonight.”
In the morning, Kyle’s voice wakes you, “I don’t know how Bug does it. She sleeps better through his snoring than any of us.”
AN: Once again, HUGE fucking shoutout to @mikichko for encouraging this and also giving us Price's precious line of "she's wounded, she needs her daddy to heal." I can't thank you enough, Kiko.
#I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH KIKO#i had so much fucking fun writing this#there's something in these that just heal my soul#i know some of yall are really connecting with latine reader so i hope this continues to hit well#i'll see if any other ones come to mind#eyeball emoji#poly 141#poly 141 x reader#poly 141 x latine reader#cod x reader#cod#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#johnny soap mctavish#captain john price#ghost x reader#gaz x reader#soap x reader#price x reader#again#i cannot emphasize enough how poly this is#all the boys kiss obviously#tf 141 as dads
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Pre-alpha Lancer Tactics changelog
(cross-posting the full gif changelog here because folks seemed to like it last time I did)
We're aiming for getting the first public alpha for backers by the end of this month! Carpenter and I scoped out mechanics that can wait until after the alpha (e.g. grappling, hiding) in favor of tying up the hundred loose threads that are needed for something that approaches a playable game. So this is mostly a big ol changelog of an update from doing that.
But I also gave a talent talk at a local Portland Indie Game Squad event about engine architecture! It'll sound familiar if you've been reading these updates; I laid out the basic idea for this talk almost a year ago, back in the June 2023 update.
youtube
We've also signed contracts & had a kickoff meeting with our writers to start on the campaigns. While I've enjoyed like a year of engine-work, it'll be so so nice to start getting to tell stories. Data structures don't mean anything beyond how they affect humans & other life.
New Content
Implemented flying as a status; unit counts as +3 spaces above the current ground level and ignores terrain and elevation extra movement costs. Added hover + takeoff/land animations.
Gave deployables the ability to have 3D meshes instead of 2D sprites; we'll probably use this mostly when the deployable in question is climbable.
Related, I fixed a bug where after terrain destruction, all units recheck the ground height under them so they'll move down if the ground is shot out from under them. When the Jerichos do that, they say "oh heck, the ground is taller! I better move up to stand on it!" — not realizing that the taller ground they're seeing came from themselves.
Fixed by locking some units' rendering to the ground level; this means no stacking climbable things, which is a call I'm comfortable making. We ain't making minecraft here (I whisper to myself, gazing at the bottom of my tea mug).
Block sizes are currently 1x1x0.5 — half as tall as they are wide. Since that was a size I pulled out of nowhere for convenience, we did some art tests for different block heights and camera angles. TLDR that size works great and we're leaving it.
Added Cone AOE pattern, courtesy of an algorithm NMcCoy sent me that guarantees the correct number of tiles are picked at the correct distance from the origin.
pick your aim angle
for each distance step N of your cone, make a list ("ring") of all the cells at that distance from your origin
sort those cells by angular distance from your aim angle, and include the N closest cells in that ring in the cone's area
Here's a gif they made of it in Bitsy:
Units face where you're planning on moving/targeting them.
Got Walking Armory's Shock option working. Added subtle (too subtle, now that I look at it) electricity effect.
Other things we've added but I don't have gifs for or failed to upload. You'll have to trust me. :)
disengage action
overcharge action
Improved Armament core bonus
basic mine explosion fx
explosion fx on character dying
Increase map elevation cap to 10. It's nice but definitely is risky with increasing the voxel space, gonna have to keep an eye on performance.
Added Structured + Stress event and the associated popups. Also added meltdown status (and hidden countdown), but there's not animation for this yet so your guy just abruptly disappears and leaves huge crater.
UI Improvements
Rearranged the portrait maker. Auto-expand the color picker so you don't have to keep clicking into a submenu.
Added topdown camera mode by pressing R for handling getting mechs out of tight spaces.
The action tooltips have been bothering me for a while; they extend up and cover prime play-area real estate in the center of the screen. So I redesigned them to be shorter and have a max height by putting long descriptions in a scrollable box. This sounds simple, but the redesign, pulling in all the correct data for the tags, and wiring up the tooltips took like seven hours. Game dev is hard, yo.
Put the unit inspect popups in lockable tooltips + added a bunch of tooltips to them.
Implemented the rest of Carpenter's cool hex-y action and end turn readout. I'm a big fan of whenever we can make the game look more like a game and less like a website (though he balances out my impulse for that for the sake of legibility).
Added a JANKY talent/frame picker. I swear we have designs for a better one, but sometimes you gotta just get it working. Also seen briefly here are basic level up/down and HASE buttons.
Other no-picture things:
Negated the map-scaling effect that happens when the window resizes to prevent bad pixel scaling of mechs at different resolutions; making the window bigger now just lets you see more play area instead of making things bigger.
WIP Objectives Bullets panel to give the current sitrep info
Wired up a buncha tooltips throughout the character sheet.
Under the Hood
Serialization: can save/load games! This is the payoff for sticking with that engine architecture I've been going on about. I had to add a serialization function to everything in the center layer which took a while, but it was fairly straightforward work with few curveballs.
Finished replacement of the kit/unit/reinforcement group/sitrep pickers with a new standardized system that can pull from stock data and user-saved data.
Updated to Godot 4.2.2; the game (and editor) has been crashing on exit for a LONG time and for the life of me I couldn't track down why, but this minor update in Godot completely fixed the bug. I still have no idea what was happening, but it's so cool to be working in an engine that's this active bugfixing-wise!
Other Bugfixes
Pulled straight from the internal changelog, no edits for public parseability:
calculate cover for fliers correctly
no overwatch when outside of vertical threat
fixed skirmisher triggering for each attack in an AOE
fixed jumpjets boost-available detection
fixed mines not triggering when you step right on top of them // at a different elevation but still adjacent
weapon mods not a valid target for destruction
made camera pan less jumpy and adjust to the terrain height
better Buff name/desc localization
Fixed compcon planner letting you both boost and attack with one quick action.
Fix displayed movement points not updating
Prevent wrecks from going prone
fix berserkers not moving if they were exactly one tile away
hex mine uses deployer's save target instead of 0
restrict weapon mod selection if you don't have the SP to pay
fix deployable previews not going away
fix impaired not showing up in the unit inspector (its status code is 0 so there was a check that was like "looks like there's no status here")
fix skirmisher letting you move to a tile that should cost two movement if it's only one space away
fix hit percent calculation
fix rangefinder grid shader corner issues (this was like a full day to rewrite the shader to be better)
Teleporting costs the max(spaces traveled, elevation change) instead of always 1
So um, yeah, that's my talk, any questions? (I had a professor once tell us to never end a talk like this, so now of course it's the phrase that first comes to mind whenever I end a talk)
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Somi got so addicted to M!Reader's cock that she helps him sneak into Umji's apartment to get her lips also around his cock.
[It's not, but I feel like this post may be a sequel of these thoughts]
It doesn't matter how much life can be good to us, the human is greedy, we always want more and better. A perfect example of that would be your relationship with Somi: you could not say you two are a couple or even friends.
She was just this hot blonde you had to fuck more than once, until she eventually could not live without your cock. She needed it in her mouth, in her pussy, in her ass, and she needed that everyday.
I know it sounds absurd but eventually it got kinda boring; like the sex was great and she was became basically your little sex toy, but it was more like part of a routine that something you expect everyday.
While chilling at her house after a good fuck, you two were just chilling in bed, when you saw the propic of a friend she was chatting with. Her name was Umji and she was so pretty. If Somi was this eye-catching girl with big curves, Umji was instead pure and chill.
Now, a normal people would have simply introduced each other, but Somi is not a normal girl. Her brain works differently. "In few days I have to visit her house. I'll send you the address, just come", she blurted out without any further explanations.
The day finally came and she sent you the message that it was already past Midnight. Kinda late but you really wanted to have fun with Umji. So you just took a taxi and arrived there in no time.
Let's fast forward: Somi was waiting for you on the apartment entrance, only the flash of her phone to make light around her. "Is there a blackout or...?", you asked confused, but she simply made sign to do silence and to follow her.
You found Umji sleeping peacefully on the sofà. "Come on, Oppa, place your dick on her lips", she giggled in your ear. "What? You are crazy!", you shouted in silence. "Just do it! Everything will go well, trust me", she whispered, unbuckling your pants for you, like she had done so many time.
Did you trusted her? It was Somi, absolutely no...but you were already there. "Fuck it!", you exclaimed, placing your cock on her lips; for sure you didn't expect Umji to kiss your shaft in her sleep, making it became instantly hard.
"I knew it! I knew that she secretly was a slut like me!", Somi exalted, jumping around like an happy kid. In the meanwhile you began to grind your cock against her soft lips, and she really couldn't stop kissing it.
"...mmh... it's good...", Umji mumble in her sleep, before even taking her tongue out. "Oppa, don't lose time, just put it inside and fuck her face as you always do with me", she suggested, fondling your balls with her hand.
You were so horny that you followed her suggestion, slowly sliding your dick inside the cute and warm mouth of the brunette. It went more deep that you thought without even meeting any resistance from the part of the sleeping beauty.
"Oh, what a deep throat!", the blonde commented, before kissing your neck, fueling your excited side. Your hips started to move, your hands kindly grabbed her head and the pleasure started.
Her relaxed throat was amazing to fuck and somehow her lips were putting enough pressure to make your dick feel good at every thrust. You closed your eyes, enjoying that moment, but not noticing someone else opening her eyes.
In fact Umji woke up just to see this complete stranger fucking her face and Somi behind him, chuckling. She was so done of her friend pranks, it was the fifth dude she brought at her house, but at least this one was hot and had a great cock.
You heart skipped a beat when Umji placed her hands on your hips and pulled you closer to suck you better. "Yes, bestie, that's the spirit", Somi clapped enthusiastically, but her friend ignored her, she was staring into your soul, while her tongue was lapping around your girth.
"Come on, big boy, I quickly need my night snack", you could finally hear her sweet voice, even if while saying lewd stuff. If before you were excited, now your balls were about to explode.
Luckily Umji saved you, her throat tightening around your member and sucking as hard as she can. And when you felt at the limit, Somi just buried your head between her tits. You were a bit bored of Somi, but you could never be bored of her boobs.
So, in that surreal situation, you just reached your climax: an huge load of cum went through Umji mouth, then went down her throat and in the end filled her stomach, with your muffled moans in the background.
"I'm not used to meet people for the first time in this way, but I guess I can do an exception for you, big boy", she said, smirking at you and rubbing lazily your cock.
"Somi, first of all, fuck you and your pranks, and second, I'm taking big boy with me for some time as compensation", she claimed, first giving an angry look at Somi, and the switching to a more soft one for you. You felt like a war was just started.
#kpop smut#kpop thoughts#girl group smut#kpop x male reader#girl groups x male reader#somi x male reader#ioi somi#somi smut#ioi x male reader#ioi smut#gfriend x male reader#gfriend smut#gfriend umji#viviz x male reader#viviz umji#viviz smut#umji x male reader#umji smut
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NUDES I CAN'T SEND park sunghoon ౨ৎ
synopsis! after a drunken night of events you can’t remember, you find a park sunghoon at your front door with apologies you thought you’d never hear.
wc! 6.4k+
cw! angst (sawry..), toxic!sunghoon kinda, ex!sunghoon, jealous/possessive!heeseung makes an appearance, reader sent nudes while drunk, dom!sunghoon, he's handsy, dirty talk, pnv, oral (f!receiving), riding, no protection mentioned, sunghoon calls reader baby, sweet girl, multiple orgasms, not really much aftercare mentioned, ningning from aespa mentioned
previous > next > break the skin mlst
as your best friend, jay’s approval is almost as meaningful as your own parents.
so during a night out at your guys’ usual hanging pub with a couple of your friends, including your new boyfriend of two weeks, sunghoon, jay gave you an encouraging smile, “i’m glad you two found each other.”
right then and there— you knew it. sunghoon was your one and only, it would be detrimental to lose him, especially after jay expressed his happiness towards the two of you.
and one of the biggest bonuses, unlike your past relationships, sunghoon doesn’t care about you being best friends with jay. he’s understanding, takes his time to know jay as well, disregarding your close friendship with another man.
you always saw yourself as a lucky girl to have sunghoon by your side. sunghoon who stayed up late with you, helping you study for a class he’s never even took. sunghoon who found you sitting in the corner of the library alone, your textbook papers wrinkled and dried up tear stains on them. sunghoon who has the most handsomest smile you’ve ever laid eyes upon in your whole life…
to think you lost someone that special makes your heart ache.
jay struggled badly with trying to keep your spirits up, and all your girl friends did their best to drag you out of your room to do even the most miniscule things in effort to get your mind off the breakup.
two weeks turned into two months, then one year, then two years. it seemed as if nothing has changed. you’re still happy, right? sunghoon still makes you happy. but you’ve never had to question if you made him happy. you suppose— that was perhaps the first crack in your relationship.
then, everything felt so.. stagnant. almost boring, having done everything together until there was nothing else left to do. you think both of you were starting to feel the same way. perhaps the two of you were at different stages in life.
“what do you wanna eat for dinner?” you asked, sitting on the couch with your legs crossed as the both of you channel surf.
“i’m fine with anything, you can pick.”
you shrugged, “i’m okay with anything too.”
you didn’t think it’d be the final crack until everything shattered.
his brows furrowed, and you could almost see the agitated vein on his temple. “you’re okay with everything, as always,” he says, tone laced in sarcasm as a scoff left his lips.
you felt your eye twitch. “what was that?”
for a long time, and maybe even the first, a big fight broke out between the two of you. it quickly became a shouting match, fueled with hurtful words that neither of you truly meant.
“aren’t you tired?!” sunghoon sighed exasperatedly, running a frustrated hand through his messy hair. you felt tears welling up in your eyes— it’d been so long since you last cried ever since you met sunghoon. you’d never think he’d be the reason for your tears.
“no? what are you talking about?!” you argued back, but your voice was starting to lose its fight. “i-i don’t know what to do.. are you unhappy with me?”
sunghoon couldn’t look at you.
“i…”
his hesitance said it all.
“you should have said something sooner… th-then maybe we wouldn’t be here right now,” you mumble quietly, chewing on the inside of your cheek to will your tears from falling.
“but i want to be with you still!” sunghoon pleaded, quickly rushing to you as he placed his hands on your shoulders, his grip tight as if you were about to leave.
you don’t have the willpower to leave.
“you want to be with me… but you aren’t happy with me,” you frowned deeply, your head hanging down as you stare at your feet.
“i-i’ll try… i want to be happy with you. i need t-to…” he choked on his own words, his mind reeling for the right words to say.
you sniffle, and sunghoon feels his entire world shatter to pieces when you rest your forehead against his chest. “you should go…”
you’re joking— he thought. no tears were daring to roll down your cheeks, and that he knows is when you’re putting up an act.
he put up a fight. you don’t actually want him to leave, do you? but then you’re balling your fists up against his shirt, tugging on the fabric. “i don’t wanna— i can’t.. be the reason why you hold yourself back.”
so then what? what was he supposed to do when you seem so desperate to let him go, let him walk out your life? it hurt like a bitch, and the reason for your tears being because of him made it a little easier to leave. in his thought process, he thought you’d stop crying because of him. then maybe, in a week or two, you’ll call him again.
but that call never came.
sunghoon waited months for your contact to pop up on his screen, but by the third month, he unwillingly had to let you go. he was angry– sure… maybe it did sound like a real breakup but he thought it was just a hiccup, a bump in the road, like what most couples have. but it wasn’t, and he was frustrated that you seemed to let him go so easily.
he couldn’t.
sneaky texts to your close friends, even jay, to ask how you’re doing. if you’re doing okay. the only one who was really honest with him, the only one who didn’t tell sunghoon that you’re “doing just fine, don’t worry about it” was jay. jay, albeit hesitant to do this behind your back, he knew how much sunghoon meant to you, and seeing your defeated expression everyday wasn’t exactly ideal for him.
“she’s not doing well… can barely get her out the house,” jay had said over the phone to sunghoon, the former letting out a sigh. sunghoon said nothing back. “you.. you should probably move on too. this isn’t healthy for the both of you.”
sunghoon agreed, then quickly hung up.
like hell he would be able to move on from you.
“ning? ningninggg~” you slur, eyes squinted to look for your friend, clumsily tripping over some other drunken people’s feet. you’re mindlessly searching around the cramped living room for her until you spot the brunette out in the crowd.
“y/n, where have you been! i’ve been asking everyone where you went,” she frowns with worry, rubbing your arms that are warm already from the alcohol in your bloodstream. you give her a cheeky smile, leaning your head on her chest as you sway her around drunkenly.
she laughs at you warmly, playing with your hair as she lets you do whatever for a few minutes until you jump suddenly, grabbing both her shoulders, “i should text him.”
her brow only raises, “text…who?” her voice slightly teasing, knowing your past nights with a certain roommate and classmate. but then her eyes widen when she realizes who you really meant, and she shakes her head immediately. “no! absolutely not, y/n! give me that fucking phone right now, i swear to god,” she yells at you, but you’re already bolting away from her with your phone in the air.
ningning chases you down, gaining stares but you’re too out of it to care and ningning is too busy running after you. you fall over a group of randoms sitting on the couch, and ningning is left to apologize for you. “i am… so, so sorry…” she mumbles, quickly snatching your phone as you recover and putting it in her pocket. “my dear y/n, please get up so we can just go back home. i don’t know if i can bare anymore embarrassment.”
safe to say, she dragged you back into her home and forced you to drink water despite your lazy denial of i don’t need it! and i’m totally okay!
you shift around in the bed, a groan escaping your lips when you feel someone tugging at your arm. “y/n,” ningning shout-whispers, knowing your hangover is probably killing you. you groan again in response, shaking your head and mumbling something around the lines of “five more minutes, mom”.
she rolls her eyes at you, sighing before placing the glass of water down on her bedside table. “i gotta get to class. please drink this water and gatorade here before you leave. i better come back to no throw up on my carpet.” she tells you, albeit knowing that you’re only half listening and are going to forget everything she said ten minutes later.
you do get up eventually.. two hours later. you drink the water and take the gatorade with you before cleaning up her room that ningning so graciously let you sleep in. you take an uber back to your shared apartment with heeseung, trudging lazily up the stairs and hallway of your complex. you insert your key to only find that the door is left unlocked, and you frown, ready to scold your roommate of his bad habit of not locking the door.
“heeseung–!” you yell, stepping inside but you’re not met with your roommate’s face. instead, your questionable ex stands by the couch, in front of you.
your jaw wants to drop, your eyes want to widen, you want to scream profanities and maybe cry in your room later. but you somehow can’t, and you stare at him blankly.
“y/n!” your name is called, but with two different voices– your ex and your roommate. heeseung comes running out of the hallway, in which you assume he was in the bathroom earlier when you had just gotten home.
sunghoon turns his head to look at heeseung, his brows furrowed and a look of disdain on his face. you choose not to question it, knowing the expression he’s wearing all too well, so you move your attention to heeseung.
“what?” you ask, taking a step towards him as he gestures for you to go with him into the hall with a tilt of his head. you follow, exchanging a quick glance at sunghoon with your lips pursed into a line.
“what is he doing here?” you whisper, rubbing your temple as the pounding hangover begins to subside, but you think it’s about to come back sooner after seeing your ex in your living room.
heeseung rubs the nape of his neck, biting the inside of his cheek as he thinks of a reasonable explanation. he doesn’t know much about you and sunghoon, and he actually had only learned that he was your ex this morning. “uhmm… he showed up this morning.. and i was coming back from a class and he was just sitting out in the hall. he saw me approach the door and asked if you lived here. i then asked him, who are you, ‘cause i didn’t wanna give out your info! and then he said that he was your ex?? i didn’t even know you had one…” he rambles, mumbling the last part to himself but it doesn’t escape your ears.
you huff, slapping his arm, earning you an ouch! from him. “what the hell! so you knew he’s my ex and you still let him in?! you are a horrible roommate!” you scold, your lips curving into a deep frown.
“well… i thought that maybe you two had those ex’s but still friends kinda relationship…” heeseung shrugs his shoulders, giving you an awkward smile to try and save face. “i’m sorry, y/n! please forgive me,” he pouts suddenly, grabbing your hands and clasping them together with his.
you roll your eyes before bringing his hands to your lips. his eyes widen slightly, panicky as his eyes dart from the end of the hall to you. but the panic quickly leaves as it arrived, with you biting down on his hand and he hisses in pain. “fuck– i didn’t know you were into biting like that, y/n..”
“she is. i would know.”
both of your heads sharply turn to the intruding voice that joins the two of you in the hall, sunghoon with his arms crossed against his chest, leaning his side against the wall.
heeseung clears his throat after the silence that hung in the air, looking at you with softer eyes than before. he’s insinuating that he’ll be here, if anything went south between you and your ex. you give him a curt smile and nod, and heeseung takes a quick peek at sunghoon before he pecks a kiss on your cheek (that was very purposeful and much longer than what a peck should be).
heeseung leaves, his door shutting is the only sound between you two. you bite your cheek, clearly avoiding eye contact when sunghoon begins to step closer towards you, but not invading your space.
“you guys fucked, huh?”
your eyes shoot up at him. your mouth opens to retort, to say anything, but you’re stunned. sunghoon gives you a (sly) smile, eyes flicking between your eyes at the way your mouth quivers in nerves. “lucky guess,” he shrugs his shoulders, but it was more than just a lucky guess– there were too many signs of closeness that platonic roommates should not be having.
you still say nothing, waiting for him to speak and say what he wants from you, so that he can leave as soon as possible. you know well that small talk works nothing on sunghoon, and he only hates it more if not genuine.
“does he satisfy you?” he asks, and you feel like he’s poking at you, but his arms are still crossed as he interrogates you. you frown, nodding your head but sunghoon only scoffs, his smirk only growing more.
“ah… is that so?” he hums, unfolding his arms to dig out his phone from his pocket. he taps a few times on his screen before flipping the phone to show you.
and you feel immensely embarrassed. if you had the chance to gain a magical power right here, right now, you would pick invisibility without a question. you’re mortified at the sight of sunghoon’s screen– your naked body on full display. and not just one, not two, but four photos of you in different positions, in front of the mirror, you name it.
“well.. i gotta say, for someone who says they’re satisfied, i wonder why i got nudes then..” sunghoon muses, his canines showing through his grin.
a part of you wants to slap him, wipe that stupidly handsome grin off his face but you know that you’re the one that’s in the wrong in this situation. you sent your ex boyfriend nudes… you can’t even fathom the reason why you were trying to sendnudes in the first place, or what you were doing with sunghoon’s contact open. the two of you have been no-contact for a while since the mutual breakup, so why did your drunk mind decide that it was a good time to text him?
and it’s not like your sex life is dry… by any means! jake and heeseung can definitely vow for you, and the weird and sudden urge to prove sunghooon starts to take over you.
you scoff, “just wanted to show what you’ve been missing, i guess,” you shrug your shoulders, feigning confidence.
that’s when you forget how much sunghoon actually knows you– those two years didn’t go down the drain for nothing.
“i do miss it.” blunt as ever, sunghoon says it so flatly that it catches you off guard, your wide eyes meeting his sudden dark, bedroom eyes.
“oh.”
sunghoon struggles to bite back the smirk that grows on his face, taking another step towards you that starts to invade your senses– his cologne that he hasn’t changed since the day you first met. almost like a wave of nostalgia hits you, sunghoon decides to remind you what it feels like to have his lips on your skin.
but he’s not so nice, his lips barely grazing your jaw and his eyes hyper fixated on your own lips. your eyes dart up to read his face, but he’s so close, overwhelming you and clouding your mind, your hangover long forgotten.
“what about you?” he whispers, slightly pulling back just to tease you even more, not giving you what you want most.
“h-huh?” you ask, confused, already starting to feel dazed.
“you miss me too?”
honestly, you should be putting up more of a fight. the breakup was mutual, yes, but it still hurt like hell and you didn’t spend months picking your life back up and getting used to being single again. and you definitely know that jay would not approve, the man being your support system through it all no matter the multiple times you shut him out.
but a part of you just wants to think that maybe, just maybe, sunghoon is back for a reason. but you could also be gaslighting yourself for thinking that.. perhaps you want to feel less guilty about wanting to so badly indulge in sunghoon and your desires.
you were never known for having good self control, impulse usually taking over for most of your actions, and sunghoon knows that part of you very well to use it as an advantage.
“kinda,” you mumble, eyes avoiding his face as you feel your face grow a tad bit hot over the mere confession.
“kinda?” sunghoon hums, clicking his tongue as he shakes his head slightly. “i think you need a reminder, what do you think?”
before you could think– critically think about what the consequences are, you’re already nodding and all too familiar lips meet yours. soft and gentle to ease the both of you into it, having it been too long since the last time the two of you kissed. overwhelmed with the fluctuations of emotions that hit you, you practically moan into the kiss, causing him to bite your lower lip and earning a low groan from him.
the sound is enough to have your stomach churning, and like pavlov’s theory, your thighs clenching automatically. yeah, you definitely missed that– having sunghoon wrapped around your finger without having to do much.
“fuck…” he sighs, like he’s reminiscing an old memory but he might as well be, having almost forgotten how much you really affect him. a simple kiss that could pass as almost innocent (in his standards) has his pants tightening.
and you had forgotten how hot he sounds whenever he curses. before you realize it, you’re grabbing his wrist and taking him into your bedroom, door shutting closed behind him when you push his back into said door.
you quickly kiss him again, more feverishly and he’s fast to reciprocate and even chase after your lips when you even slightly pull back for a breath of air. his hands are roaming your body, getting familiar again with all your curves and marks that he’s studied for two years. he knows you love it when he gets grabby, so a tight hold on your waist has you moaning again into his mouth and you can feel his smile against your lips.
“lemme eat you out, baby,” sunghoon mumbles mid-kiss, his grip on your hips tightening a bit more to convey his need, his brows slightly furrowed and he looks like he might die if he doesn’t. and you decide to use it to your advantage.
“hmm, under one condition,” you say, holding up an index finger between the two of your faces to prevent him from kissing you again. sunghoon’s confused, but he nods either way. you move away from him, his hands reluctantly letting go of your waist but he follows your every move. you go onto your bed, still facing him as you make your way to the center. he’s still moving with you like he’s under a spell, a knee propping him up on your bed as he stays at the edge.
slowly, you peel your bottoms off, and like the entranced man sunghoon is, his eyes are following your hands, waiting for your next words. you gesture for him to come closer, legs spreading to allow him space but your panties are blocking what he really wants to see.
“apologize.”
what you want him to apologize for? you don’t really know yourself. maybe the years you wasted on him? for showing up out of the blue? the hold he still has on you after all the hard work you spent on getting over him? luckily, sunghoon doesn’t question it. he gets close to you, between your thighs as he eyes your face. he visibly gulps before licking his lips and he nods without saying a word.
his face is inches away from your pantyclad cunt, and you start to feel a bit impatient (even though it’s only been a few seconds). he bites his lip, face tilting upwards and the tip of his nose perfectly grazes your clit. you gasp softly, looking down at him with the help of your elbows propping you up.
“‘m sorry…” he murmurs softly, lips brushing against your pussy. he eyes you from below, through his thick lashes and you practically fold, your face growing hotter.
he brings a finger to your cunt, still playing through your panties and he’s enjoying this more than you, feeling you clench and unclench in anticipation. he can’t hide the way his lips curve upwards into a smug smirk, missing how cute you are under his touch.
his index finger curves underneath your panties, tugging it to the side to view your bare, wet cunt for him. he hums at the sight, licking his lips once again as if he was trying to hold himself back, eyes never departing from your pussy.
“missed her s’much…” he almost slurs, drunk and he hasn’t even gotten a taste yet. he flattens his tongue, pressing his hot mouth against your folds. you squirm slightly, unsure hands gripping at your bedsheets. “y’know how much i like it when you grab my hair.. please do it again,” he pulls away from you, leaving you the dissatisfaction of no friction.
so you do as he says, hands leaving your bed sheets as you tangle your fingers into his hair, forgetting just how soft and well-taken care of his hair is. he sighs when you tug slightly at the strands, the air blowing into your cunt and you buck your hips slightly. impatient, sunghoon attaches his lips to your cunt and begins urgently lapping up your juices.
you squeal, your hand unintentionally tugging harder and he groans into you. your taste alone has his eyes rolling to the back of his head, mind starting to reel at the reminder of how pliant you are for him.
“i’m sooo sorry…” he mumbles sweetly into your pussy, practically inhaling you with his hands and arms wrapped around your waist, keeping you pinned into the mattress. he feels you twitch, his tongue bullying its way into your entrance and nose grazing your sensitive bud.
you’re shaking at this point, your body and mind from being overwhelmed by the familiar sight of sunghoon between your thighs and his mumbled apologies into your pussy like he’s apologizing to it. “sorry…sorry, sorry,” he mindlessly slurs as he continues to slurp and lap at your juices.
as it turns out, no matter how over you think you are from sunghoon, he’ll always have you in a vice grip, especially when you come undone from his tongue alone. you moan obscenities, your hips fighting against sunghoon’s grasp on you, but your hands pulling at his hair strands tell him that you want him closer.
he moans into you, moving away from your dripping entrance and up to suck on your clit, encouraging your orgasm. you curse, his name falling out of your lips and sunghoon’s eyes don’t leave your face for a single millisecond, too obsessed with your cute, overstimulated expression.
he finally pulls away from you, a filthy pop! following as he catches his breath. you lay your head back down on the pillow, legs giving out on being spread after sunghoon has let you go from his hold. but the moment is short-lived, his hand coming quickly to your thigh. “what are you doing? i want more.”
and what sunghoon wants, he gets.
apparently, he wanted it three more times.
“wai– oh!” you whine, but your words fall on deaf ears as sunghoon is nose-deep in your cunt, eyes shut and visibly enjoying the feast laid for him. you’ve given up on fighting him two orgasms ago, knowing well that he’s done when he says so.
“wh..why are you so insatiable ri-right now..?” you ask through broken moans and heavy sighs. sunghoon finally opens his eyes, looking up at you. he acts like he’s pondering for a moment, but he knows the answer already– he just doesn’t want to pull away from your pussy yet.
“mmm.. told you already, baby,” he mutters, tongue still licking up your essence around your cunt, “missed you… need’a satisfy my taste buds.”
with that answer, he’s back into your pussy, except this time he gives you the pleasure of his fingers inserting inside you for the first time that night. you gasp, your free hand lurching down to reach for his wrist, feeling your orgasm suddenly approach you rapidly.
“oh..oh fuck, i’m–” you whine, but you ddon’t need to tell sunghoon twice, inserting another finger. and, of course he knows how much you love the feeling of being stretched, especially when it’s in preparation for accommodating his cock for you.
your head is instantly thrown back, your nails gripping his hand turning white as you cum around his fingers and on his tongue, legs threatening to close shut around his face (not that he’d complain).
his tongue swirls and plays with your swollen clit, fingers not relenting on you even as your back arches off the bed. “‘m here, baby, cum for me, last one, promise,” he mumbles to push you over the edge, “will never leave you again, ‘m so sorry, i’m sorry, baby.”
it’s magical, really, the way his words can do so much on their own. maybe it’s the rasp in his voice that you’ve never really gotten used to, even when the two of you were together– it always had an effect on you. but perhaps, it’s really just sunghoon who has that effect.
you come undone for the third time this morning, hand clasping over your mouth to save your embarrassment, not forgetting your roommate residing two rooms away from you. sunghoon finally detaches his lips from you, his fingers replacing your cunt for his mouth. he groans at the taste of your sin, the side of his face lazily laid on your thigh as you recover.
you watch him suck his own fingers lewdly, a feeling of jealousy washing over you — what you’re really jealous of, you’re not sure. perhaps his fingers? his mouth?
“what’re you thinkin’ about, sweetheart?” his words snapping you out of your gaze, but he knows damn well what’s running through your head.
you mumble a mere “nothing”, your head turning to the side to avoid his eyes. he hums at your reply before kneeling off the bed, the sudden dip lifting off the mattress causing you to look at him again.
sunghoon peels off his shirt and undoes his pants, and you had completely forgotten that he was still completely dressed throughout your nth orgasms of him just eating you out. you crawl up the bed a little, your elbows propping you up as you watch him.
he tilts his head to the side, looking at you with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. “what’s that shocked look for? you know i’m not done with you.”
that you do, having dealt with his insatiableness when the two of you were together plenty of times before. you chew on your bottom lip as he joins you back on the bed, settling between your legs once again. he leans close to you, his chest just hovering above yours and his face so unbearably close to yours.
“you do know i truly did miss you, right…” he mumbles, his eyes switching its gaze on your lips and your own eyes. you don’t say anything, but he leans in even more, causing a small squeak to leave your lips in surprise. he tsks, his gaze leaving you for a second as if he was embarrassed, “had to convince one of your friends to tell me if you were doing okay or not. you got some really loyal friends..” he sighs, finally pulling away from invading your space.
his words surprised you, your friends never once mentioning sunghoon texting them to ask about you. a twisted part makes you feel giddy that he was still checking up on you after all this time.
“y’know you could’ve just come to me… after your whole rooming situation,” he continues on, his words in a low whisper, like he’s unsure if he should be saying all of this in the first place.
“i was afraid you’d turn me away.. and i didn’t want to bother you,” you reply meekly, still looking at him even if he wasn’t. but at your words, he turns back to look at you.
“i could never say no to you.”
and you know it’s true, park sunghoon would never dare tell a lie to you.
the silence engulfs the both of you for a minute before a small smile makes its way onto your lips. “i mean, if you’re just jealous that i’m rooming with another guy, you could just say that.”
his eyes widen slightly, a failed stifled smirk growing on his face. “ah, you always read me like a book, baby,” he hums, his hands trailing up your thighs and spreading them open.
you yelp when he tugs you closer to his torso, grabbing a hold of your thighs and lifting your leg above to rest on his shoulder. the tip of his cock barely brushes against your pussy, your hips already needily bucking for attention. he tsks at you, squeezing your thigh to get you to pay attention to him.
“please… hoon,” you give him a cute pout, one that he typically always falls for. but he seems to be stubborn today, intending on dragging out this long awaited moment.
“nah, don’t tell me what to do.”
you’re whining again, but he quickly shuts you up when he guides his tip to brush against your sensitive clit, a sigh leaving your lips. he repeats this action, your juices coating his cock and making it glisten under the sun peeking through your blinds.
“fuck..” he groans, slightly shaking his head as if to snap himself out of a daze, “can’t believe i even survived without you.”
his words hit you like a trainwreck, your head thrown back as you thrust your hips upwards, his tip catching at your entrance and slipping in slightly due to your slickness.
“hahh~ oh— feels good, more, p-please!” you beg, pleading at him with your eyes, causing him to grin and place a kiss on your leg that's resting on his shoulder.
“lucky i missed you— and this cute pussy,” sunghoon grumbles before bottoming all the way in, both of you moaning in relief into each other’s neck. he starts off slow, very much opposite to how the two of you used to have sex. but you suppose makeup sex to sunghoon is like this, not that you mind.
the two of you are already panting like animals in heat, caught up in each other’s body warmth and the way he stretches your walls out, your cunt accommodating the familiarity of your ex’s cock. sunghoon cages your head in with his arms, leaning his forehead against yours.
like you’re making love to each other, the eye contact you two hold is scary as his thrusts start to get harder and deeper, the skin on skin contact is loud and echoing throughout your bedroom.
“fuuckk,” sunghoon drawls, breaking eye contact with you first to squeeze his eyes shut, enjoying your gummy walls suck him in. you whimper, his moans having a well enough effect on your body as you feel your arousal stick to your thighs and his pelvis.
you pull him into a needy kiss, hushed moans being swallowed by the both of you to keep the noise level to a minimum (not that it’s really helping). the kiss is sloppy, spit drooling from the corner of your mouth as sunghoon speeds up.
“mmgh– oh fuck!” you whine, starting to feel how deep he really is. you swear he grew bigger.
sunghoon moves his hands to caress your hips and thighs, cherishing what used to be his. he moves his lips down to your neck, peppering wet kisses at your pulse point , causing shivers to run down your spine.
“nn-no, stop,” you giggle slightly, the sensitivity making you pull away from him but sunghoon doesn’t budge, his sharp canines dragging down to your collarbone. “you’re so cute, god..” he mutters, lifting body up as well as pulling your thighs up together, placing soft kisses at your ankle. “m’gonna fuck you like you deserve to, sweet girl.”
you don’t get a word out, a gasp pulled out of you as he thrusts roughly, the new angle making you feel like he’s in your stomach. you slap a mouth over your hand in fear of heeseung hearing too much from his room. sunghoon grins at you, canine peeking under his lip.
“no, no… what’re you doin’? he should hear you, so he knows what you sound like when you get properly fucked…” his last words said sharply, followed by even sharper thrusts that make you squeal even through your palm.
his brows are furrowed now, concentration fully on you as he focuses on your pleasure. his hand snakes down around your thighs, his thumb swiping at your sensitive clit. you let out a whine, the palm over your mouth long forgotten as you grip his forearm.
“ooh~” he hums, a deep chuckle leaving his lips, “you’re tightening up.. my baby is gonna cum, aren’t you?” he taunts, a brow cocking in question as a smirk appears on his face. you nod, your words being swallowed by your own moans and whines. you’re scratching up his forearm, not that he minds– he’s never minded when you mark him as yours.
you can’t even give him a warning, your orgasm crashing over you, splotches of white invading your vision as you toss your head back. sunghoon releases a groan, your walls clenching and unclenching around his cock causing him to pound into you faster.
he lets out another chuckle at your shaking body, his finger letting your clit go. he grabs onto your arms, pulling you up towards him. you instinctively wrap your arms around him, his cock resting deep inside you. your chest heaves up and down, resting your head on his shoulder.
sunghoon hums, “tapping out now? you used to last much longer…” he says, feigning a thoughtful tone to tease you. you pout, raising your head. you are tired, yes… but sunghoon always knows how to provoke you into continuing.
“i-i’m not,” you frown, suddenly raising your hips then bouncing back down on his cock. he sucks in a breath, leaning back slightly and using his arms to prop himself up.
“mmm, okay… i’ll give you two minutes before you’re whining, tellin’ me you’re too tired. ‘m gonna have to do all the work again,” he sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes sassily at you.
you slap his chest before looping your arm around his neck again. you don’t retort back– you’ll prove him wrong with just your actions. steadily bouncing up and down on his cock to create a nice pace for you, it’s not long before sunghoon is groaning out your name.
easily entranced by your bouncing tits in front of him, he wraps his lips around your nipple, swirling his tongue around it. you whine, your hips twitching in urge to grind on him rather than bounce, but you resist as your mission is to make your ex lover cum.
your hands tangle into his undercut, scratching as his scalp and back as you continue to ride him, the squelching of your cunt meeting his cock making the two of you even more needier. “oh fuuckk,” sunghoon almost whines, tearing his lips apart from your nipple. “don’t stop, juuust like that.”
your thighs are getting tired and starting to burn, but the twitching of his cock inside you keeps you going, knowing that he’s not too far off from his orgasm. slamming your hips down harder onto him, you grab his face and pull him into another messy kiss, since you know that sloppy kisses always get him even more worked up.
and you’re right, as sunghoon’s hips thrust back up into you, sloppily pounding as he holds your body still to hover above him, using you. but he doesn’t relent– making you cum only once on his cock? that’s never happened and he intends on never letting it happen. his hand once again sneaks down, rubbing your swollen and overstimulated clit. you cry out into his mouth, him easily shushing you up again as he pushes his tongue inside your mouth.
you both arrive at your climax, sunghoon groaning out your name against your lips as you grind hopelessly against him.
the two of you still are engaging in a kiss, less sloppier and more soft. pulling away to finally properly catch your breath, sunghoon rubs soothingly along your hips and thighs.
shouldn’t this be when regret starts flooding your mind and body? you should probably be freaking out now, telling sunghoon to leave and to never speak again. but.. you don’t feel the regret washing over you. maybe a little guilt, but it’s mostly because you told jay you would never be in contact with sunghoon again. and the fact that you told jay you blocked him, which you clearly did not, leading you to your current situation of being wrapped in his arms.
you’re a little too comfortable right now, listening to sunghoon’s soft breathing as the two of you embrace each other. you almost want to break down in tears, beg for him back, but that’s definitely the last thing that you should be doing. you need to consult with someone, and that someone being your best friend.
#enhypen smut#enhypen x reader#enhypen fanfic#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#sunghoon smut#kpop smut#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon angst#park sunghoon#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#sunghoon
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CYCLE ✦ Jungkook
SUMMARY: you know being with jungkook is toxic and sooner or later, another fight will ensue, and the cycle will continue – but you don’t care because you know deep in your heart that you’d rather have the pain he brings in your life than feel absolutely nothing at all.
PAIRING: Jungkook x Fem!Reader
GENRE: Angst, Yandere
WORD COUNT: 2039
WARNINGS: not suitable for audiences below 18. please do not engage with the story if you are underage. the story contains depiction of a toxic relationship + smut but not too descriptive (finger, light choking, marking, use of derogatory terms during sex, rough unprotected sex).
Despite being surrounded by your friends, blaring music and good alcohol – the emptiness following your most recent fight with your boyfriend of four years remains. By now, you should already be used to it, having engaged in countless fights and arguments with Jeon Jungkook and these would lead to no contact. Sometimes, you’d be the one who would have him blocked; sometimes, it was him. But neither of you could stand not being together so by the end of the week, one of you would have reached out and made amends.
This recent fight, however, is different. First, it has been a month since the last time you ever spoke or seen Jungkook in the flesh. Despite numerous attempts to contact him, he would just completely ignore your texts and calls. He didn’t block you – not even on social media where you’d see him living out his best life which makes it even more painful because it was as if he was deliberately letting you know that he was ignoring you and that he was happier without you.
Your friends, who had never liked Jungkook from the get-go, kept telling you that this should be the last straw. This should be the ultimate sign for you to finally move on from your on again, off again boyfriend. Clearly, according to them, he would much rather party and be with his equally despicable friends than have a proper adult conversation with you about your fight and relationship moving forward. You know this too – no, really, you do. You are a smart and logical young law student who has a full scholarship at the top law school in the country, a member of its Student Government and is being courted by several big and renowned law firms in the country for summer and winter internships.
But when it comes to Jeon Jungkook, all that goes down the drain. When it comes to Jeon Jungkook, everything is tunnel vision.
You’re on your fifth shot of tequila tonight, already feeling hot and tipsy but you don’t give a damn. You will do everything to make the void in your heart carved by your (ex) boyfriend fade at this point. Distracting yourself is just not cutting it – not with your studies or org works at the Student Government. So, when a man who seems to be around your age, whose features you cannot clearly make out with the ridiculous lighting in the club, makes small talks with you before ultimately asking you to dance – you agree.
Now, you’re not much for dancing. You’re awkward in that aspect but the man, whose name is Wonwoo, takes the lead and you’re appreciative of this. His hands are placed respectfully on your waist while yours are around his neck. Up close, you can see a bit of his features like his cat-like eyes behind a silver circular rimmed eyeglass, pointed nose and small pink lips. Wonwoo smells nice too – his cologne is not as strong as Jungkook’s which you surprisingly like.
Wonwoo leans into whisper in your ear, asking if it’s okay that he kisses you because he no longer can contain himself. He wants to taste you, have been wanting to the moment you enter the club. You gulp, mouth agape. You’ve never kissed anyone else besides Jungkook. Your lips have always just known Jungkook’s. Suddenly, you feel your chest tightening and you step away from him. You mutter a meek apology towards Wonwoo before you head back to where your friends are and grab your things.
They ask what happened, where you’re going, and you make an excuse that you’re tired and wanted to rest already. Rina, the designated driver tonight, offers to drive you home but you decline, saying you just want to be alone for now. You don’t wait for any of their responses and head out of the club.
Even though you don’t exactly know what is happening with your relationship with Jungkook right now, dancing with Wonwoo still makes you feel like you were cheating on him. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth – and it’s not just the alcohol you consumed.
You don’t know where your feet are taking you. All you know is that it’s already pouring, you have no umbrella, and you’re beginning to get cold due to the short black dress you’re wearing and nothing more. Then, you hear the familiar sound of a motorcycle engine. You know this because Jungkook owns one. You pay no mind to the nearing sound of the vehicle but when you hear that voice – you stop on your tracks.
Looking over your shoulder, you see Jungkook, eyebrows furrowed, on his motorcycle. He has taken off his helmet, long curly hair soaked from the heavy downpour, wearing his favorite red and white leather jacket, jeans, and a thin white shirt underneath, outlines of his toned chest and pecks showing as the material sticks to them due to the rain.
“Get on, Y/N. It’s raining, you’re dressed like that and you’re clearly drunk, seeing how your ankles are tripping over a straight road.”
You’re shocked to see him to say the least. Of all the people who could have driven past you, Jungkook is the one. Your heart begins to race – is this a sign from the universe? It must be, right?
“Get on, now.”
His tone is more demanding now and as though you’re programmed, you immediately take the helmet from him and wear it before you mount his motorcycle, dress hiking up. You press your bare thighs against his wet jeans and habitually wrap your arms around his small waist. Jungkook doesn’t ask if you’re ready and speeds off.
When you reach his apartment, after taking off your shoes, both of you walk to the bathroom to limit the wet patches to mop later. As though the two of you haven’t been talking to each other for a month, you comfortably take your clothes off beside one another in the medium-sized white bathroom.
“Take a shower before you get sick,” Jungkook mutters before walking past you, about to exit his bathroom.
But you grab his arm, and he looks at you with a stoic expression on his face. “You should take one too.”
“I’ll take one after you.”
“Let’s just do it together. Conserves water.”
You don’t know if it’s the alcohol in your system that is making you bolder than you are. Or just the fact that you’ve showered Jungkook plenty of times than you didn’t that not having him in there doesn’t feel right anymore. He stares at you for a while before he grabs your hand, slides the door of the shower cubicle, and orders you to take off your underwear. You give it to him, and he tosses it outside along with his black Calvin Klein boxers.
You switch on the shower. Jungkook tells you to turn around and hand him the shampoo. He squeezes some on his palm before lathering it on your hair, fingers scraping the dirt on your scalp. You close your eyes to the relaxing sensation. Then, he tells you to face him.
You keep your gaze on him as he begins to rub the loofah around your body – beginning with your neck, down your arms your chest where his fingers ever so gently graze against your nipples, to your legs, and then your inner thighs. Your breathing becomes heavy when you feel his knuckles touching your labia and you jump when they graze over your aching clit.
“Turn around, baby,” Jungkook says in a low voice. You waste no time in following his order. He rubs the loofah on your back, and down to your ass. Once he finishes lathering your body, he opens the shower again, and rinses the shampoo and soap off your body. You close your eyes once more to the relaxing sensation of his fingers in your hair then they begin to travel down your neck, arms, and he surprises you when he grabs your breasts with his veiny hands. Your eyes shoot open, and your mouth is agape as you meet Jungkook’s intense gaze as he squeezes and rolls your nipples between his thumbs and index finger.
“Kook…” You breathe out as his hands free themselves from your breasts and travel down to your waist. He grabs the showerhead as he rinses your lower body.
“Hand me your feminine wash,” Jungkook orders. “Gotta make sure your pussy is clean.”
You’re already wet at his words. You give him your feminine wash and he tells you to squeeze a proportionate amount on his big palm. Then, he places the showerhead at your core, wetting it, before he rubs his palm against it. You let out a moan, grabbing onto his toned biceps as a smirk plays across Jungkook’s lips, spreading apart your labia to rub your clit. You hiss at the contact but find yourself grinding against his palm.
“Look at you, getting off on my palm like some bitch on heat,” He says with a humorless laugh. “I’m cleaning your pussy, but you’re making it dirtier.”
“Kook, please, I need you,” You whine desperately, spreading your legs further as Jungkook presses you against the cold tiled wall, showerhead dropping on the floor. He captures your lips with great intensity as he rubs your clit ferociously. You hook one leg around his waist, giving him more access to ruin your cunt. The sound of your pussy squelching while Jungkook wraps his free hand around your throat heightens your lust.
“Fucking bitch, fucking dirty bitch, I’ll fucking ruin you tonight,” Jungkook promises as he pulls away but not too far. He captures your gaze again. His eyes are dark and hazy with lust. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Me destroying your cunt, your mouth, maybe even your ass. You deserve it anyway, right? For choosing your friends over me? Then acting like a slut towards that guy you were dancing with tonight.”
You are in a daze. He doesn’t stop rubbing your cunt even if you have already cum. All you can do is nod but it’s not enough for him. He grabs your face. “Say it. Say that you deserve to be ruined by me.”
“I-I deserve to be ruined by you, Jungkook.”
He taps your cheek. “Open your mouth,” Jungkook commands. You obey. He gathers spit in his mouth and drops it into your mouth, watching as the white substance trickles down your throat until you ultimately swallow. He chuckles darkly. “My good girl. I’ll fuck you till the next day and however I want because you’re mine. No one else.”
“I’m yours,” You affirm, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’m always going to be yours, Jeon Jungkook.”
As promised Jungkook ruined and fucked you until the next day, leaving his marks all over your body – from hickeys to his handprints on your red swollen ass. He filled you with his cum repeatedly, not caring about your pleas to stop because you were already exhausted and overstimulated. But then he’d mock you that if you really wanted him to stop – your pussy wouldn’t have clenched around his thick cock as he pounded into you for the nth time, nor your swollen clit would still be throbbing.
Jungkook fucked you in the shower, on the bed, by the balcony of his high-rise condo unit, on his couch, and back to bed where some time in four am, Jungkook finally stopped and fell asleep beside you. When you wake up, he’s still there, sleeping so angelic like he didn’t just say the most diabolical things to you while he came in your over and over again.
You know this is wrong and you should leave before he wakes up and form all the right words to persuade you to stay with him again. But you stay anyway. For the first time in a month, the emptiness isn’t there. You know being with Jungkook is toxic and sooner or later, another fight will ensue, and the cycle will continue – but you don’t care because you know deep in your heart that you’d rather have the pain he brings in your life than feel absolutely nothing at all.
ANDI: I do not condone relationships such as this one. This is only a depiction of a toxic relationship loosely based on a personal experience. This does not represent who Jungkook is in real life, so please do not relate this character to him any way, shape, or form. Fanfiction is just fanfiction.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © ANDI-KOOK 2024. NO PART OF THIS STORY MAY BE REPRODUCES, TRANSLATED, MODIFIED, EDITED, REPOSTED AND THE LIKES WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION.
#yandere jungkook#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook fic#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#jungkook ff#jungkook au#yandere bts#bts smut#bts fic#bts fanfic#bts angst#bts ff#jungkook scenarios#jungkook drabbles#bts scenarios#bts drabbles#andi.writes 💭
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Darlings,
I MADE A HOTEL!!!
The Grand Hotel - the perfect getaway from everyday life. An urban oasis that breaths glamour, luxury and old world charm. Romantic gardens around the amazing pool with bar and snack services, fine dining restaurant under the 100 years old glass dome and 4 amazing rooms of different categories will make your Sim's stay unforgettable.
2x3 LOT, FF, Community (I placed mine in the main hood but you can place it anywhere)
Available rooms:
2 Deluxe Rooms - §639/night
1 Junior Suite - §1152/night
1 Presidential Suite - §1966/night
The lot was tested and played without any issues.
IMPORTANT: In the .rar file you will find TS2 Clean Installer file. Make sure you use the Clean Installer.
Big thanks to all CC creators whose work I used for this lot! You rock!
DOWNLOAD the LOT:
SFS/MEDIAFIRE
xoxo, CD
#simblr#candydarlings#the sims 2#ts4 to ts2#ts2 cc#ts3 to ts2#ts2 download#the sims 2 cc#the sims 2 download#sims 2 download#ts2 community lot#ts2 hotel#the sims 2 hotel#ts2 lodging
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It's mostly the fault of poor editorial practices that B&R is so heavily misaligned continuity-wise w/ the main batman book. But walk with me for a minute:
You are Damian Wayne. You are 14 years old and have had one of the worst years of your life last year. Which is saying a lot.
Your brother, one of the people you were closest to, got shot in the head and forgot who you were. Your best friend went to space for a week and came back 3/4 years older than you, taking away your previously established dynamic and leaving you to have to bond all over again w/ a new one. You may or may not have gone wayyy too far with your new superhero team, who now all hate you, because you fucked up big time*
And worst of all, when you do try to do the right thing, you end up forced to watch Alfred, a father figure to you, the only one at your birthday that year, the person who has been so patient, loving and trusting with you, even when you probably didnt deserve it...die. you watch him die, and feel it's all your fault.
And your dad never corrects you on that last point. So you run away.
First to your mom who can tell something's up with you, she knows you don't give up that easy, you decide not to stay with her because you remembered how actually, neither of your parents are good at communicating with you despite their best efforts, so now you're 14 and flying solo.
And you do fly solo. For a while. Make new friends, new enemies. You think you're better off for it. You've got your best friend and your brother back. They're not around as much. It's fine.
And eventually your dad tells you that it's not your fault that Alfred died. Bit late but it's appreciated. Really. There's a bit of a hiccup where you get possessed by a demon and wage war against your father but after that, all in all, you two are...together again.
You start to think maybe you want to give him another chance, for the two of you to be father and son.
And in a change of pace, it works out! It's going good, mostly. He insists you go to highschool, you resist, feel like he wants you to be something that you're not (wants you to be normal), but eventually you acquiesce for your own reasons. He cheers you on at soccer and nosies around at your fundraising events with the other parents and gives you a stern talking to about your choice of girlfriend. Because he cares.
Except all the while this is going on, your dad is currently having his brain slowly taken over by an evil version of himself that he created and every time you look away he's slowly tearing your family apart (your brothers are just barely keeping it together. The ones who didn't get lobotmized that is Jesus Christ). You keep taking his side in these conflicts, for whatever reason. Maybe because he promised it would be different this time, and it isn't** and you're going to stick with him until he keeps his word for once.
But at the end of the day?
It's like your brother says. You're not the one who saves him. Broadly speaking, you've made things worse and needed others to come save you. And what else is Robin really for? You thought it was about redemption and teamwork but guess you're wrong. It's about saving your self destructive, apparently two-faced and erratic father. And you can't even do that right.
* TT (2016) by Adam Glass is a racist ooc mess, but unfortunately it's still canon so I'm referencing here, though like a lot of works authors clearly wish weren't canon but are, it's been subsequently glossed over. Win? Maybe? Or not?
** again Zdarky's characterization of Damian is so outdated as to be ooc, and considering the way he constantly and explicitly uses it to illustrate Tim's strengths as robin, I'd argue there's. Also implications there. But the batshit insanity of the main batbook compared to B&R rn is crucial for this post, so I'm attempting to justify it. This time..
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#batman and robin#i know i already made an animatic of steph to tears over beers by modern baseball (you know the bit)#but this post has made me think of damian in this context. weeps#idk i read batman 138 for myself and the ways Zdarsky structures it to portray damian as inferior is just. AUGHH IT MAKES ME SICK#LEAVE MY BOY ALONE#the fact that josh williamson (not a perfect writer but i generally enjoy his stuff) had to single handedly save damian-#-after didio left the company and make him robin/a hero again#ONLY FOR THIS STILL TO BE HAPPENING THE MOMENT DAMIAN IS IN A NON JOSH WILLIAMSON BOOK#SICKENING#anyways. imagine if these titles connected and created a greater narrative besides building to event books. would be crazy huh?#that's not fair B&R is enjoyable in its own right and I'd rather have the main batman book touching less things to be frank#but still#if they ever do the theoretical tim/damian robins miniseries that lives in my brain maybe this could be discussed in some way#anyway <3
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what do you think of the argument some people make that goes along the lines of "zuko was acting entitled towards kataras forgiveness and the betrayal at the catacombs was just a second thought to him"? According to them, zuko failed to understand that kataras anger at him was a direct consequence of his previous decisions and instead blames it on her resentment against the fire nation (the whole "i think she sees me as her mother's murderer" spiel). They also claim that he's a raging misogynist bc of the way he treated katara in the pirate episode, that he didnt remember her name when asking sokka abt the southern raiders, taunting her in the northern tribe by saying she is a big girl now that she's learned some new tricks, referring to the kyoshi warriors as a "bunch of little girls", yelling at mai and acting possessively, mocking ty lee... amidst many other things, including the toxic masculinity accusations ofc. They also condemn his selfishness in helping katara find some semblance of closure. I think a great part of this is just biased hate, but i just wanted to know your opinion. It's okay if you don't want to answer though!
Oh no of course, I think it’s definitely biased hate, because these kinds of superficial “criticisms” only seem to come up in response to people shipping Zuko with the incorrect character. I’ve seen the same people who make these arguments praise Zuko, say they love him, say his redemption is inspiring, etc. in other contexts.
There is a lot to unpack here, but I’ll touch on all these points because I find them interesting. Also, in regards to generally stupid anti Zuko takes from whiny anti shippers, a lot of those came up here which I addressed in detail.
Now, about these particular arguments.
1) Zuko wanted Katara’s forgiveness out of selfishness
Firstly, I never understood this take because in context…Zuko already has what he set out to get when he left the Fire Nation at the beginning of The Southern Raiders. Actually, let’s take a step back here: leaving the Fire Nation. Did these people collectively forget that? Zuko could have stayed in his life of luxury, watched the world burn, and inherited the title of Emperor from his father. But instead, he committed treason, risking his life in the process, because he knew in his heart it was the right thing to do. This is the character you’re trying to smear as a selfish monster?
Anyways.
The Southern Raiders. The scene which kicks off the conflict with Katara is when the group is sitting around the fire, praising Zuko for his heroism and saving them from Azula. He humbly admits he doesn’t feel he deserves the praise, to which Katara agrees and storms off. But the important piece of context here is that everyone else—including Sokka, Katara’s own brother—seems to be on Zuko’s side. If Zuko was purely selfish, he wouldn’t have cared what Katara thought of him. He could have laughed along with Sokka and agreed that Katara was just being dramatic. But that isn’t what happened.
Zuko doesn’t look angry or vindictive here; he looks hurt. He cares what Katara thinks of him; he later says those words verbatim to Sokka.
I also think the fact that Zuko made a special effort to reach out to Katara above the other characters shows that he recognizes that the catacombs incident was much more personal for Katara. Zuko even acknowledges this himself.
Zuko: Katara mentioned it before when we were imprisoned together in Ba Sing Se, and again just now when she was yelling at me. I think somehow she's connected her anger at that to her anger at me.
Zuko remembers their conversation very well. Katara’s anger towards him was different than the others because she felt betrayed on a more personal level. She shared something deeply personal with Zuko and connected with him, and felt deceived when he betrayed her.
In Katara’s mind, Zuko talking about his mother was fake. She tells herself it was just him lying to her and manipulating her to gain her trust, because that’s easier than the idea that he didn’t care. I believe this is why Zuko finds it so important to make it up to her…and specifically why her mother was involved. Obviously Zuko was wrong to side with Azula. But he wasn’t being manipulative or uncaring. He was manipulated himself by Azula, the person who knows how to control him better than anyone else.
So, in this episode, Zuko is not setting out to prove that he’s “good” (he’s already done this); he’s setting out to show Katara that he does respect her trauma, he does understand and respect the weight of what she told him about her mother. Zuko can tell she’s deeply hurt and that he’s part of that hurt. That’s why he wants to demonstrate that his care for her was and is genuine. He never lied to her. And that right there is the opposite of selfishness. This is once again Zuko acknowledging his own faults and taking responsibility for fixing them. He doesn’t even seem to demand or expect forgiveness in the end.
Look at his face. He’s surprised. He did not expect this gesture, although he graciously accepts it.
If Zuko was this selfish, entitled monster people want him to be, he wouldn’t react this way. He wouldn’t even care about any of the points I just went through.
If you honestly believe that Zuko’s motivation was selfish and he was just manipulating Katara’s feelings this whole time, you fundamentally missed the point of one of the show’s most critically acclaimed episodes.
2) Zuko didn’t know Katara’s name (?)
This one is just stupid. I’m sorry. I didn’t know people actually used this argument because it originated as a joke post and you should be embarrassed if you genuinely think this is canon. It comes from the scene in The Southern Raiders where Zuko says “your sister” rather than “Katara” when asking Sokka about their mother.
There is absolutely nothing about this scene indicating that Zuko doesn’t know Katara’s name. The word choice is most likely to emphasize the sibling relationship between Katara and Sokka to explain both to Sokka and to the audience why Zuko sought him out specifically.
And think about it. Zuko has been hanging around 24/7 with them for probably two weeks at this point. There is no way he didn’t catch Katara’s name, if he didn’t already know it. And given how diligent he was in his Avatar hunting days, he most likely did already know it.
3) The pirate episode
Okay I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again…I’m so tired of people projecting some weird, creepy sexual undertones onto this episode. There was absolutely nothing abusive or misogynistic about the character interactions here. It was a very standard (and honestly a bit cheesy) example of a cartoon villain and hero interaction. The fact that you see a female character in any kind of distressed situation and immediately project sexual implications onto it is the real misogyny here. I never see people complain about similar scenes involving male characters:
I could dig up even more examples but can you see my point? The argument that there was any abuse or sexual misconduct on Zuko’s part this episode is absolutely misogyny—but it’s audience misogyny; not Zuko’s. The canon scene would have gone exactly the same way if Katara was male. The only difference would be much fewer disgusting sexual over-analyzations of it by fans.
4) “Little girls”
For this one, an important piece of context to keep in mind is that this script was written in 2005 by a creative staff of mostly men. So we need to ask the question, is this meant to reflect misogyny on Zuko’s part, it is it the bias of the writers?
Another prime example of this is Iroh’s interactions with Jun. Obviously, that was severely creepy behavior and absolutely misogynistic. However, most fans (including myself) tend to overlook that. Why? Because it’s jarringly inconsistent with the rest of Iroh’s character and his purpose within the narrative. In context, it’s pretty obviously something the writers thought was “funny” at the time but aged like rotten milk.
Also, in regards to sexist language during fights, consider all the stupid lines like…
Azula: Who are you? The Avatar’s fan girls?
Ty Lee: You are not prettier than we are.
…in the Kyoshi Warriors vs. Dangerous Ladies fight. Seems like this is just a writer bias issue, personally. When have men ever been normal about teenage girls? Right—never.
I get this is a slippery slope, so my approach is to compare Zuko’s lines like this to everything else we know about Zuko and ask the question: is there anything about Zuko’s character that indicates he views women as inherently inferior or lesser?
Well, no.
You know what is a trend for Zuko? He focuses on putting down his opponents by acting like they’re younger and weaker than him. His first reaction to Aang is “you’re just a child.” This is consistent with his attitude towards Katara and the Kyoshi Warriors. Zuko canonically treats male and female opponents no differently. He fights and moves on. No creepiness, nothing like Iroh and Jun, etc. If they were male, it wouldn’t have gone differently. That’s why I think it’s a reach to say these comments by themselves indicate a misogynistic attitude.
Besides, why would Zuko see women as weaker and lesser when this is who he grew up with?
That’s another thing. For as much anger and resentment Zuko harbors for Azula on the basis that she’s Ozai’s favorite and born lucky—not one comment is made about her sex. If Azula was male, nothing would inherently change about this dynamic. So yeah, I’m not really buying this whole “Zuko is a misogynistic incel” narrative. If you’ve ever dealt with incels in any capacity, you know they’d absolutely jump at the opportunity to whine that their (female) sister is so much more lucky and privileged and loved compared to them.
5) Zuko, Mai, and The Beach
I’m working on a longer analysis of this but to summarize…people on both sides blow this issue way out of proportion. Mai wasn’t abusive. Zuko wasn’t abusive. They were a pretty standard angsty teenage couple having angsty teenage drama. Zuko called Mai a big blah and shoved some dude into a vase. Mai told him he was out of control. That’s literally such a minor issue, that they resolved by the end of the episode.
But to dig into this more, consider the point this is in Zuko’s story. He’s at rock bottom. The premise of the entire episode is to show how abnormal and out of place Zuko feels among people who should be his peers. His issues with Ruon-Jian aren’t even about Mai to start. Zuko was beefing with this dude before the party even started, remember?
Why is Zuko mad at him? Because he’s making Zuko feel freakish. He’s making Zuko feel like he once again is an outcast, and Zuko hates that. He’s insecure. That’s…the point of the episode.
I’m not going to excuse his tantrum over Ruon-Jian talking to Mai, because that was toxic, but consider the context. Zuko isn’t some crazy possessive freak. In his mind, this is just icing on the cake, another example of why he’s an antisocial freak compared to other Fire Nation teens and he hates how it makes him feel.
But interestingly enough, I do think Mai and Zuko’s interactions in that scene give some insight into their dynamic and Zuko’s character—believe it or not, in a positive way. Just consider the context and body language.
I’m just stating facts here. Zuko is more physically threatening than Mai. He’s bigger, stronger, male, and he’s a firebender while she isn’t a bender. And yet, Mai has absolutely no trouble getting in his business to tell him off. Why? You can argue that it’s just because she thinks she could knife him—but we’ve seen how she reacts to an actual physical threat (Azula) and it isn’t like this at all. Mai is confident because she knows Zuko wouldn’t physically harm her. He’s angry, but he never once uses his figure to physically intimidate her. He clearly doesn’t make a habit of this behavior either judging from Mai’s reaction. Also think about the fact that the only physical altercation here is between Zuko and another man. The primary target of his anger isn’t the woman he’s allegedly acting possessive over unlike another character in the Ember Island Players and several comics…
Not to mention the way they reconcile around the fire. Zuko’s behavior doesn’t at all reflect an angry, entitled misogynist who thinks he owns his girlfriend. Quite the opposite. He clearly holds a lot of love and respect for her. It’s just that…this episode is literally displaying Zuko at his most tortured, his most self-hating, his most insecure as he realizes he no longer has a place in the home he’d desperately been chasing for years after being brutally mutilated and banished. With that in mind, I think he actually handled himself very well.
The thing about Zuko is that he takes accountability for his wrongs and works to improve himself. He has flaws and even when they’re understandable, he still takes responsibility for fixing them. That’s the trait of his that sets him apart from…certain other characters.
6) Zuko being rude to Ty Lee
Again, see above. Yes, Zuko was mean to her. But again, this is Zuko at rock bottom. This is Zuko venting his frustration about nobody being able to understand what he’s gone through and how isolated and freakish he feels. None of them had their faces burnt off in front of an audience. None of them were banished and forced to live as refugees. Zuko blew up at Ty Lee in the first place after she made a comment about bad skin.
Like yes, he’s rude, but did you miss the point of that episode? If you think this has anything to do with misogyny you’re just delusional, sorry. That interaction had nothing to do with Ty Lee being female. It had to do with her (and every other character that episode) living a privileged lifestyle while Zuko is (literally, too) feeling the weight of the scars his trauma has left him with.
So in conclusion, yes, I really think these takes are all shallow and unfounded jabs at Zuko’s character that either don’t understand or outright ignore critical parts of his development and story. And considering I’m #canceled for my based misandry in many circles, it should say a lot that I’m defending a man of any kind ✌️
#zuko#mai#zutara#maiko#atla#zuko defense squad#aang critical#canon critical#the beach#the southern raiders#ask#anon#meta
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New To This - Chapter 5
MASTERLIST
“Sup, trick,” a soft voice chuckled next to Delilah, and she turned to see Tiwa, her co-worker at the supermarket, presenting her a can of Mountain Dew and a bowl of jollof rice and stewed chicken as she joined her to sit on the staircase outside on their lunch break. “Want some?”
Delilah grimaced and bit into her carrot stick for emphasis. “You know I can’t have that. I’m workin’ out and shit.”
“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about your wrestling. Shoulda brought you a salad or somethin’,” Tiwa joked, causing Delilah to roll her eyes good-naturedly. The two women had known each other since high school and had run in different social circles back then, but working together for the past four years had closed that gap between them.
“So, how’s wedding planning going? You still got time for that with your wrestling and all?” Tiwa asked as she threw her braids behind her shoulder.
“It’s going,” Delilah shrugged, staring out into the empty backlot of the supermarket. “My Mama’s making sure it’s going, anyway. We’ve put a deposit on the reception hall, but haven’t decided on the catering. I haven’t even thought about a dress yet. Luckily I got my mom’s wedding dress to fall back on if everything else goes to shit.”
“You sound bored outta your fuckin’ mind,” Tiwa pointed out, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard any woman sound this uninterested about planning her own wedding.”
“It’s not boredom. I’m just…tired,” Delilah insisted, shuffling her feet on the step she sat on. “Training and working two jobs hasn’t given me much time to think of anything else.”
“What about your man? Is he going to Panama City with you for the show? I mean, that’s gotta be exciting, right?”
“For me? Absolutely,” she responded, turning her face toward the sun. “The networking opportunities are beyond my wildest dreams. For him? Not really. He’s never been a wrestling fan. And he still thinks I’m outta my mind,” she added with a roll of her eyes. In reality, she knew that half the town thought the same way, but she never let it deter her. What she wanted to do with her life was no one’s fucking business.
Tiwa nodded in what seemed like understanding and chewed her food slowly. “That bad, huh?”
“Yeah, that bad. He’s not cooperating at all.” Delilah huffed, feeling her blood begin to boil already. “First off, he refused to come to my first match. My very first match! He bitches about my training schedule all the fuckin’ time now. What is scaring him so much?”
“Gee, where do I start?” Tiwa snorted.
Delilah looked back at her co-worker, startled by her response. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Come on, girl. Look at it. Y’all supposed to be getting married soon and then your wrestling picks up. I saw your match on YouTube and it’s already at like a hundred thousand views. That’s a fuckin’ big deal, ya know? Not to mention you’re spending time with that steaming hot Jey guy that just might end up being your co-worker. And from all the buzz you’re getting, it’s only gonna be a matter of time before that happens. That’s gotta make Andre uncomfortable.”
She didn’t know her match had made it onto YouTube, but she would get back to that later. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am. And I’m happy for you. This town is boring as fuck. Someone needs to get outta this dump and do something interesting with their lives.” Tiwa took a swig of her Mountain Dew. “So back to you and this Jey dude. He seems to be giving you a lot of attention.”
“Y’all making it sound like me and him are seeing each other every day or somethin’,” said Delilah, her tone a little gruffer than she wanted. “That ain’t the case. Jey’s been like a second coach, like Tank. I want to make it to the big time, and if Jey can help me get there, I’ll take it.”
“You sure he hasn’t hinted at something more? Like, you know…”
Delilah shook her head. “Nope. We only talk about wrestling, that’s it. He’s been very professional.”
“Or he’s just waiting to get you alone,” Tiwa cut in. “Maybe that’s why he invited you to Panama City.”
“He invited both Dre and me. I won’t be alone. Tank’s coming along with me since Dre can’t make it.” She wasn’t sure what Tiwa was trying to insinuate, and though she didn’t like it, she tried not to show it. “Girl you trippin’. Relax. I’m getting married to the man I love. Jey’s already married, I think.”
“You think?” Tiwa repeated, and only then did it dawn on Delilah that she’d never seen a ring on his finger. Still… “He knows better and so do I. I got only one goal in mind, and that’s all I care about.” It had been two weeks since her first match, and she was just getting started with building a reputation for herself within the independent circuit. She was working hard and earning every bit of respect she was gaining, and she really didn’t want to throw all of that away.
“Okay,” said Tiwa. “I’m just looking out for you, girl. Do you, and make sure you’re happy while you’re doing it.”
“I know.” Delilah smiled and looked at her watch. Their break was almost over. “You coulda come with me to Panama City too, ya know.”
“Ha, if I do, who’s gonna cover your shift?” Tiwa said, getting to her feet. “Besides…I got a date on Monday night.”
“Oh. So you’ve finally gotten over your crush on Tank, then?” Delilah smirked as they walked back into the supermarket.
Tiwa gasped and avoided her friend’s teasing stare. “How many times am I gonna tell you, Parrish, it ain’t like that with Tank! It never was.”
“And yet, you’re blushing.”
“…..Bitch, bye.”
—------------------
From her place on the ring apron, Delilah watched in complete awe as Liv Morgan and Becky Lynch practiced in the ring for their match, still a good three hours before Monday Night Raw was set to air. The women were opening the show tonight, and she was very excited to see how it all played out. But watching them rehearse was so much better than anything she could have imagined.
The only thing that would have made her day better was Andre being with her. Of course, they had argued about the trip, in which Tank had tried to step in. He was being completely asinine and paranoid. She would never have stopped him if he had the chance to meet LeBron James or Patrick Mahomes, his favorite athletes. This was a once in a lifetime chance for her, and she really couldn’t understand why he was taking all of this so poorly.
“Now that’s a finisher right there,” Tank interrupted her thoughts as Liv Morgan hit Becky backwards in her signature Oblivion to get the pinfall.
Delilah turned back to look up at the huge Titantron as Liv’s theme song rang out in victory. “This is so cool,” she whispered. How amazing would it be to see her own name in lights that bright?
“Ayyy, look who showed up, uce,” a familiar deep voice sounded from the shadows behind her, and she looked over to see Josh making his way down the ramp.
Without thinking through it, she rushed towards him and leapt into his arms. “This is so amazing! Thank you so much, oh my god,” she squealed happily, not caring if she sounded like a total fan girl at the moment. Never did she imagine she could ever experience all she had since coming down to Panama City; the backstage access, getting to meet the amazing wrestlers she watched on TV every single week; it was sensory overload for her as a fan.
Josh laughed as her legs tightened around him, supporting the woman in his arms with her round backside in his hands. “You welcome, baby girl. You enjoyin’ yourself?”
It was then, as he set her back on her feet, that Delilah noticed how good he looked in his Nike tech fleece outfit. At the same time, Tank appeared from the corner of her eye, and she quickly took a step back from Josh. “Yes! Everyone’s been so nice. The wrestlers, the officials, it’s been awesome.”
“Good to hear. Wanna go talk to the girls?” Without waiting for an answer, Josh grabbed her by the hand and tugged her toward the ring where Becky and Liv now sat on the apron. They looked over at the approaching trio and waved. “Hey, Jey, hey Tank,” greeted Liv, her eyes skating over Delilah’s form. “Wanna introduce us to your friend?”
Sneaking behind her, Josh shoved the shy woman closer to his colleagues. “This is Delilah Parrish. She’s an indie wrestler in the Pensacola region,” he introduced.
“Oh, fellow hometown girl, huh?” Becky’s friendly nature was infectious as she extended a hand toward the new woman. “Nice to meet you, Delilah. I’m Becky.”
“Delilah. Like Samson, right?” Liv inquired. When Delilah nodded, her smile widened. “Such a cute name. I like it. You stickin’ around for the show tonight?”
“Yeah.” Delilah muttered shyly. It was the exact same tone she had taken with pretty much everyone she had met so far. It was all so overwhelming, she felt like she was in a dream.
“Ay Livvy Liv, you busy?” Josh asked. When she shook her head, he nodded toward Delilah. “How ‘bout you show our guest here how it’s done in the big leagues?”
Liv set her towel aside with a shrug. “Sure, why not?” she answered, turning her gaze to Delilah. “You up for it?”
Shocked, the trainee looked back and forth between them. “Wait, you want me to wrestle her? Right now?”
“Now’s as good a time as any,” Josh shrugged, raising an eyebrow. “Unless you think you can’t do it.”
Offended, her eyes darkened right away. “Hell yeah, I can do it.”
He stepped closer to her, staring her right down, “Then show me,” he whispered.
Liv leapt back into the ring and backed up, beckoning for Delilah to join her. “Come on, show me what’cha got,” she challenged.
Before she knew what was happening, Delilah was locking up with Liv freaking Morgan in the middle of the ring, listening for her rushed verbal cues as they sparred like old partners. So immersed was she in the match they were constructing, Delilah didn’t notice that Josh and Tank had been joined by a few other men.
“Who’s the girl?”
Turning his head slightly, Josh took his boss’s hand in a handshake and then returned his attention to the action in the ring. “She’s one of Tank’s,” the Samoan spoke of the trainer who was now shouting instructions to his pupil from outside the ring, while Becky cheered on Liv on the other side.
Triple H watched with a critical eye as the new woman launched herself off of the ropes and knocked Liv to the mat with an impressive, albeit stiff clothesline. “She’s unpolished,” he deduced.
Josh shrugged. “She’ll get better,” he assured the older man. “Her very first match was just two weeks ago and she killed that shit, man. Two hundred thousand views on YouTube already,” he added, a hint of admiration creeping into his voice.
“I see.” The multi-time World Champion nodded his head, his gaze still fixed on the story the women were trying to tell in the ring.
As Liv wedged her horizontally between the ropes by the turnbuckle, Delilah glanced to her left, her heart nearly jumping into her throat when she saw Triple H of all people, watching intently a few feet away, as though waiting for her to do something special. She was so distracted that she didn’t hear Liv’s reminder to brace herself for the impact of her double-knee attack. Liv’s knees and shins colliding with her sternum knocked the air right out of her, causing her to collapse hard in the corner, limbs twisting everywhere as she hit the canvas.
“Shit, I’m sorry!” Liv screeched, as Delilah rolled to her side and slowly made her way to her knees with a moan. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. It was my fault,” she puffed, taking the other woman’s extended hand to pull her up.
“Yeah, Triple H has that kind of effect,” Liv said, winking at her. “I was the exact same way the first time I saw him.”
Risking another glance at the base of the ramp, Delilah breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that Hunter had left them alone, but dread quickly filled her insides as she wondered what he’d thought of her performance.
“What the hell was that?” Josh’s laughing voice interrupted the ladies’ conversation. Delilah blushed wildly and ducked under the bottom rope. “I panicked,” she admitted softly. “So tell me the truth,” she said. “How bad did I fuck up my only chance to impress that man?”
Josh helped her out of the ring and set her down on her feet. “You tried. Let’s just leave it at that.” Her nervous expression caused him to wrap an arm around her waist for a quick hug. “But ay, you went for it, and Hunter appreciates that,” he whispered.
The feel of his breath on her ear sent shivers down Delilah’s spine. She shook it off quickly, deciding that she was still being a fangirl, that it was just his breathtaking presence that still affected her. She would have felt the exact same way if it had been Andre holding her like this.
Mistaking her inner turmoil for something else, Tank nudged her from her other side. “You did good, kid. I could tell Hunter liked it,” he said.
The uncharacteristic compliment from her usually no-nonsense teacher caused Delilah to blush, but before she could respond, a stage hand called for Tank to follow him up the ramp, leaving her all alone with Josh. She felt very self-conscious as she walked next to him towards the backstage area.
Somewhere along the way, Josh had invaded Delilah’s thoughts and fantasies on more than a few occasions. Never, since getting with Andre, had she ever thought about another man while making love to her fiancé, until lately. She wanted to blame it on seeing him every week on TV, recalling his deep, seductive voice on the phone, all of which left her imagining things she never dreamed of. Yeah, he seemed to be a bit touchy feely, but he had never made an outright pass at her, and had done nothing beyond a few flirty words and gestures. Maybe she was overthinking it too much and just needed to relax.
Josh looked down at her, trying not to stare into her tank top from his considerable vantage point. She was engaged to be married, but he couldn’t seem able to tell himself that it meant she was off limits. He was drawn to how unaware she was of her beauty and her sexiness, and it made her that much more attractive in his eyes. “You quiet. What’s on your mind?” he asked her, forcing himself out of his wayward thoughts.
Delilah followed him into a huge locker room. “Just thinkin’ about how surreal all of this is. It’s one thing to see it on TV. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to see it all up close…” she trailed off, shaking her head in awe.
Grabbing two bottles of water, Josh directed her to a table and sat across from her, opening her bottle before sliding it to her. “Yeah. Wait until you become an actual employee.”
Scoffing, she drank from the bottle and leaned back in her chair. “Right. Like that’s gonna happen.”
“What makes you think that?”
With a sigh, she looked around the empty room. “I don’t know. For all intents and purposes, I’m still a rookie,” she reasoned. “I got so much more to learn. I don’t even look like the typical WWE Superstar. My hair’s too damn big and curly. I haven’t put on enough muscle yet.” Casting a glance over her own body, she sighed again. “And I’m gonna need implants, which I definitely can’t afford,” she added.
Josh looked her over, zeroing in on her chest. After seeing her in her wrestling outfit a couple of weeks ago, he was convinced there was nothing wrong with her hot body. “You don’t need no implants,” he assured her.
Shock washed over Delilah at his blatant assessment. “Okay, um, so where else are we going after this?” she asked nervously, hoping to break the suffocating tension building between them.
“Whatchu doin’, Delilah?” Josh ignored her question, watching her brush her hair out of her face for the hundredth time, the glint of the rock on her engagement ring seemingly taunting him every time she did so. “What exactly are you puttin’ in all the hours training and wrestling for? To achieve your dream? Or to get away from your fiancé?”
Recoiling a little, Delilah narrowed her eyes at what he had asked. Why was he being so intrusive? “Dude…” she stammered, her defenses going right up. "I’m not…I’m not sure how that’s any of your business.”
“Baby girl, this business is everything to me,” Josh said to her, his tone strangely serious. “It’s my whole life. And I get a kick out of seeing other people who love it too and get immersed in it for all the right reasons.” Shaking his head, he crossed his massive arms over his broad chest. “I need to know which side you’re on, so I’ll know whether I’m wasting my time with you or not.”
“Wasting your time? What the fuck…I never asked for your attention, Josh!” she shot defensively, staggered by this sudden change to their conversation. "To be honest, I don’t even know why you are showing any interest in me.” Behind her, she heard the door open, and she forced herself to lower her voice, even though she was seething at his audacity. “Maybe I should ask you. What’s in this for you, huh? Why me? There are a million other new wrestlers that you could be focusing on.“
Shrugging a shoulder in agreement, Josh leaned back in his chair and let his dark gaze scan her from head to toe. "Maybe,” he conceded, a smirk playing on his lips. “But it’s not them I wanna fuck.”
The words struck her like a blow to the gut. Did she hear him right? Was he suggesting that he wanted to sleep with her? That he was as attracted to her as she was to him? Did he fantasize about her too? Did he forget she was engaged? Wasn’t he married? How could he make such an open confession?
Before she could say something, the room began to fill up with members of the Raw roster, Josh stood up and gestured for her to do the same. “Come on. Let’s go find Tank,” he said to her.
--------------
Thoughts?
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#jey uso#main event jey uso#jey uso fanfiction#jey uso smut#jey uso fanfic#wwe#the bloodline#jey uso x black oc#jey uso x black reader#jey uso imagines#new to this
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ᯓ★ from me to you — chapter five: the island
pairing: choi beomgyu x fem!reader. genres: slice of life, social media au, body swap, fluff, angst. wc: 2,2k. warnings: language, they’re talking about the bloody nose incident lmao, there are anxiety episodes, death and murder is used humorously, umm i can’t remember what else, lmk! an: these past few chapters have been a little dark, but bear with me!
“Happy moving day, (Y/n)!” Soobin and Taehyun cheer, raising their drinks with big smiles stretched across their faces.
“Welcome home, (Y/n)!” Yunjin joins in with a grin to match.
“Jjang!” you happily clink your cans together.
After spending the entire afternoon moving your things from your old apartment and into Yunjin’s, and then painting and furnishing your new room, you and your friends settled in the living room for a well-deserved dinner break.
You are gathered on the carpet around the round table where a feast befitting a king is prepared: crispy fried dumplings, soft fishcakes, spicy tteokbeoki, saucy black bean noodles, fresh pickled radish and ice cold cans of mountain dew. The delectable aroma wafts into your nose and makes your tummy rumble.
Taking a big slurp of your bowl of black bean noodles, you squeal in satisfaction with the warm, savoury taste. Soobin chuckles beside you, pushing the hair from your face as you take another cheek-filling mouthful. You can’t remember the last time you ate this well.
“Slowly,” Soobin says with an amused tone to his voice, grabbing a napkin to wipe the sauce from your chin. “You need space for everything else.”
You gulp the food down and poke your tongue out at him before taking another big bite. Soobin only laughs, nods and hums along with you, shifting the fishcake dish closer to you.
Taehyun takes a sip of his drink and sighs, his fondness of you making the corners of his lips pick up. “I would ask if you’re feeling okay, but from the looks of it you’re perfectly healthy.”
You give him an enthusiastic nod. “You know me. It’ll take more than a bloody nose to keep me out of commission.”
“That thought is not as comforting as you think,” Yunjin snorts.
You had been meaning to get new sneakers, but this pair had served you so well you were reluctant to do so – even with the new tear in the edge of the sole. You shrug. “At least I caught Taehyun on his break.”
“If anyone needed catching, it was you,” He laughs, popping a saucy rice cake into his mouth. “The nurses have had enough of you. Do you know they’ve nicknamed you Wonderwoman?”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you shrug, feeling a pleased with yourself.
“And she did have someone to catch her. Didn’t you, (Y/n)?” Yunjin smirks, wiggling her eyebrows.
Your cheeks burn red and you hang your head in embarrassment.
Most people would have simply thought you were silly and walked away. And if there was a chance anyone did help you, your rambling would have pretty much done the trick of chasing them away with annoyed glares. But this person was different. He, as you presumed he was, had the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. They were a brown so dark and shiny they resembled tapioca pearls. His eyelashes were long and pretty, your absolute envy. And with those gorgeous eyes, that pushed up into little crescents when he smiled at you, he looked at you with a fascination that made your heart leap.
He was so handsome. “And I almost broke my nose in infront of him!” you cry in shame, smacking your head, the scene replaying over and over in your mind.
“Oh now the broken nose concerns you?” Taehyun wheezes, shaking his head.
“Oh my god,” Yunjin says suddenly, banging her soda on the table and grabbing your shoulders, her eyes wide. “What if this is the man of your destiny?”
“Destiny?” Soobin snorts. “What are we, five?”
“And I don’t have time for dating anyway,” you sigh, eyeing the last two dumplings, but thinking better of it. You sit up and consider her with a raised brow. “Were you not the one who convinced me that men are trash?”
“I mean – I’m not usually a male apologist, but since you’re the only one in this friendship attracted to the species – I’m just putting it out there. You’ve never dated anyone before. Plus you said he was kind and pretty. The only person you’ve said that about is—” Then she snaps her fingers and gasps. “What if it was Beomgyu?”
You become animated and your eyes sparkle with interest. You grab Yunjin’s shoulders. “You think so? Really?”
“Want me to ask the cards?” She grins, unsheathing a mystical-looking indigo tarot deck from her bag.
“For the love of God,” Taehyun sighs, flinging a chopstick at Yunjin’s head. She yelps in pain and glares at him. She tries to throw it back at him, but he dodges effortlessly. “She didn’t even see his face. And he was wearing a mask, now he’s suddenly a kpop idol? What if he’s a serial killer? Stop enabling her.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, he freezes. But then he shakes it off and continues eating.
“You’re probably right,” you sigh, pouting in defeat.
Soobin knocks the side of your head gently and places the dumplings in your bowl. “Just eat your food, silly. We still have to finish getting your room ready.”
Yunjin rolls her eyes. “Disbelievers.”
The finishing touch to your new room is one of your most prized possessions: a photo of you, Soobin, Taehyun and Yunjin outside a club in Hongdae four years ago. It was the night of Yunjin’s first big crowd, the day Soobin’s uncle made him manager of the café, the day Taehyun passed his first year with flying colours, and the day you had quit medical school and moved out of the dorms.
It was the first time you had truly become best friends.
It was the first time you felt like you had a family.
You polish the glass and place the frame in the center of the vanity Soobin had gifted you for the move. The smiles on your faces fill your heart with warmth and pride.
“Can you believe it has been four years?” you ask, smiling.
When there is no reply, you turn around to find your friends fast asleep. You pull out your phone and snap a photo, trying as hard as you can not to laugh.
Taehyun is curled up like a kitten at the end of your bed, Yunjin is laying in the middle of your bed on her back with her limbs splayed in all directions, and Soobin is laying across the pillows, his shirt riding up, tangerine paint on the tip of his nose, snoring softly.
You pocket your phone with a soft chuckle and decide to leave them be. Carefully removing your thick brown cardigan from under Taehyun’s head, you step out into the apartment and close the door carefully behind you.
Without the commotion and company of your friends, Yunjin’s place, that you have been to many times before over the years, felt strange.
The big, open space that was the kitchen and the living room, with its high ceiling and white downlights, its shimmering tiled, marble and metal surfaces, felt cold and alien and a little overwhelming. And as you walk through to the tall floor-to-ceiling window, pulling your cardigan tightly over your arms, feeling quite out of place, you wonder if it is really okay for you to stay here.
You loved Yunjin, but the fact that she was letting you stay here paying less than half the rent made you uneasy. You knew her well enough to know she meant every word she said, and you would never doubt her or her intentions.
You just… felt incompetent.
In the four years since you dropped out of college, what had you accomplished?
You had a dream, a vision, you were determined to work hard towards. You were moving to Seoul to live life on your own terms and make the future you wanted with your own hands.
But it was pure luck that you managed to find the old, small flat going for the rent it was. You had to beg for every job you had and had worked yourself to the bone every day for four years, only to receive setback after setback.
The space between you and your dreams seemed to become greater and greater with each passing day, until they were now faintly watching you in the distance from the far away shores of an island you’d never reach, across the dark waters of an ocean that continued to drag you further and further into its depths no matter how hard you resisted and fought.
What comes next, after this? Should you go back to school? Were you going to work part-time jobs until the end? Or were you going to keep mooching off your friends? Were you going to end up having to move back home, admitting absolute defeat?
Why is whatever I do not enough?
More and more thoughts and insecurities cleave into your brain and drive a hollowness into your chest until you can’t breathe and tears are burning in the corners of your eyes.
But before your anxiety can best you any further, you pull your earphones from your pocket and plug them in. You fight the trembling in your hands and force your eyes to focus on your screen. Maze in the Mirror begins to play in your ears, the song and its lyrics soothing your pain until you can breathe again.
My shoulders are only here
So you can rest
So that you can rest
You hum along, pulling your legs into your chest on the living room floor. You close your eyes and lean against the window, allowing its coolness to bring you comfort.
The dream you’re having, the one where you’re being consoled by the man with the beautiful brown boba eyes, who’s arms feel strong and soft and warm and safe, fills and mends the cracks in your heart until it is stolen from you as the song comes to an abrupt stop and your phone rings.
You read the caller ID and your throat dries.
You watch the phone ring and ring, until it stops and rings again.
A text pops up on the screen, and you feel the long, sharp, needle-like fingers of darkness latch onto you once more, eager to haul you off the cliff into inescapable torment.
But you won’t let it. You are not who you were four years ago.
You step out into the apartment building and make sure to hear the door lock before you continue down the hall to the elevator. A walk is good. A walk is what you need to clear your head. Maybe a cold red bean ice cream, too.
In the middle of typing a text to your friends to let them know you’re going to the convenience store at the end of the street, your phone rings again. Your nails dig into the palms of your hands, and for a split second when the elevator doors open, you consider picking it up.
At that same second, you step out into the lobby and bump into a hard body and your phone is sent clattering to the floor.
“Sorry!” you exclaim quickly, picking it up and bowing your head in apology. But when you look up, no one is there.
You spin on your heel and find the person standing in the corner of the elevator in dark clothing, with not a single sign of remorse. He grumbles, “Look where you’re walking.”
You glare at him. Before the doors can close, you stick your foot in and give him the most loaded smile you can muster. “You should take your own advice.”
Shaking his head, he starts toward you. You do not budge, until it appears he is not coming to you but for you. You shriek and close your eyes, jumping back. When you open your eyes again, the elevator doors are closing and he is back in the far corner with the same unbothered look about him. You scoff. “You jackass!”
You flip him off through the doors and stomp through the lobby angrily, growling in frustration when you get out onto the street.
“Who the hell does he think he is! I mean, we bumped into each other!” you yell, to yourself mostly, as you start toward the convenience store, making other pedestrians steer clear of your path. “And that face mask? Does he think he’s an idol? He could never compare to my kind Beomgyu,” you declare, pulling out your phone to take a look at the sweet, handsome man that was your lock- and homescreen.
Upon retrieving the device, however, you gasp and the shock causes your body to freeze.
There is a long crack from one corner of your phone to the next, small little fissure cracks meandering off from it to the rest of the screen. You jam the on button repeatedly, but it does not budge.
Your eye twitches.
“That damn jerk! You better hope we never cross paths again, idol wannabe, because if we do,” you laugh manically, “you’re so fucking dead!”
***
Beomgyu bangs the door behind him and doesn’t even bother to kick off his shoes before he enters the apartment.
He pulls off his mask, his jacket and his hat and throws them to the floor.
He slams open the bathroom door and climbs into the shower, turning on the cold water and letting it run over his head.
His breathing is heavy and labored.
His chest is numb and his heart, shattered.
He falls to his knees on the floor and sobs into his hands.
Why is nothing I do enough?
***
prev. | mlist | next
life is rough for (y/n). after dropping out of college and moving away from her family to live life on her own terms, she struggles to keep up with the fast-paced city life in Seoul. she becomes a fan of the kpop idol, choi beomgyu. while his content keeps her motivated to strive for her dreams, she can’t help but wish she had the same luck he has had. but not everything is as it seems.
taglist: @yoonzinoswife @ameliesaysshoo @bgomtori @woncheecks @seodami @thing89 @stormy1408 @boba-beom @binluvsu @lillynval @nothingwithoutgyu @gyuville @tinhq @soobnuuy @031323o @damn-u-min-yoongi (send an ask to be added!)
scintillasofbeomgyu © all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost in any way.
#smau: from me to you 🎆#txt imagines#txt scenarios#txt smau#beomgyu imagines#beomgyu scenarios#beomgyu smau#beomgyu fluff#txt x reader#beomgyu x reader
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"On folklore I did something a little bit different. I started kind of making up fictionalized storyline and characters and, um, making them fall in love and make them break up. And one of my favorite characters that I sing about on folklore is a girl named Betty." Taylor's betty speech for Paris N1, 5/9/24
Lol the Swiffers don't even realize that there's a big difference between a fictional character and a *fictionalized* character, a fictional character is fully imaginary whilst a *fictionalized* character is based on a real person but with imaginary details added or facts changed, so at her concert last night Taylor legit said that she made up a character named Betty that's based on a real life woman and that she loves to sing about her Betty and it just flew over nearly everybody's head that Taylor was like 13 seconds away from professing her love for the woman she based Betty on in Paris lol
I keep saying lol but it's actually pretty maddening that Taylor's doing everything but saying the words "Karlie Elizabeth Kloss, will you elope with me please, the existence of Taylor Swift™️ pisses me off so much that you might be able to convince me to take your last name if you'd like, just fyi 😳👉👈" at her concert during her betty speech and Swiffers still have their heads buried in the sand or inside of the butthole of some lame greasy sweaty loser Taylor's bearded with
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52nd Street
Chapter Six - Until The Night 🎶
Pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader
Warnings: 18+, angst, smut, oral (fem receiving), p in v, dirty talk, praise, no use of protection, language.
Summary: Finally at a real job, Steve finds that the both of you aren’t as close anymore. He yearns for the nights when you two are finally alone.
word count: 3.2k
Five ←→ Seven
Masterlist
Fall 1990
But now it feels as though the day goes on forever
It was great, at first. It was great when you planned the beautiful backyard wedding, and it was great when Steve landed his big job, even better when you were able to save up enough to buy back Steve’s childhood home. You were both living the dream, enjoying the married life, and finally doing what you both pictured when you first started dating. Thing was, no one ever really brings up how hard it can be.
When you were just dating it was easy, you both worked the same job, got to go home to your apartment together, were extremely involved in the other’s life. Now Steve left for work and you worked from home. When you were done with that you ran errands, and found yourself lacking any conviction in life. As for Steve, the job would run him down, doing the very thing he promised himself he never would, but he wanted to provide for you. Wanted to share a life that wasn’t constantly a struggle and if work was the only thing he had to sacrifice, then so be it. Just sometimes, he couldn’t shake that mood when he got home.
Because of all of this you had lost some of that passion, that desperation to always be with each other, and Steve was determined to get it back. He did his part, he never asked where you go during the day when he leaves for work in the morning, the both of you going your different ways to seperate situations, and it wasn't that easy anymore. It was required of him to do what must be done and give his time to total strangers. He could no longer save that all for you and it made his days feel like they go on forever. More than they ever did before. So today, on this very Friday he promised himself he would make the most of it. Until the night, when he could make it up to you. He might just make it, eyes trained on the clock and small pile of paperwork in front of him.
"Hey Lenny" you smile fondly at the bag boy that had been working in the local grocery for a few months now. Considering you went shopping at the same time every other Friday, you had come to know many of the workers here.
"Hey Mrs. Harrington, beautiful day today" the sweet young boy answered and you couldn't help but cringe at the name. Mrs. made you feel old, which hopefully you weren’t yet. Then again you were married at twenty three, feeling vaguely like a teenager and an adult all at the same time. You always wondered if things would have been different if you and Steve had gone to college. Either way, you only liked it when Steve called you Mrs. Harrington because it normally led to something a bit more pleasing.
"One of the last good ones Lenny, it'll be cold before you know it" you grinned at him as you loaded the items onto the belt, already mentally checking off that you had everything you would need for the next two weeks. Lost in another world you do not notice the big haired brunnette rolled up behind you. Startling almost instantly when she calls your name.
"Hey Nancy" you grin at her, her soft feautres beaming back at you. Still gorgeous as the first day you met her, you can't help but feel the twinge in your gut everytime you remember she was the first girl your husband loved. You had to remind yourself that was another lifetime ago, years seperating the two and now you were married to Steve and she was engaged to Johnathon, the wedding invite for this coming summer already on your fridge.
"How're you, how's Steve, heard he finally took that big job his Dad offered him? You'll have to have us over for dinner soon, I'm desperate to see how you redecorated" she rambles out, too many thoughts on the forefront of her mind and suddenly you feel overwehlmed. Mind stuck on your absent husband who tried his hardest but couldn't escape the effects of his job. How bored you were all alone all day just to have Steve come home to tired to talk. To tired to do anything really.
Nancy see's the tears rimming your eyes almost instantly and she suddenly feels guilty for anything she had said wrong. She's quick to beckon you along, helping you with your groceries and pretty soon it's not long until you are both stood out of the store, bagged items clinking along in your carts. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing, really, I'm just overwehlmed" you try to tell her, eyes red and strained from fighting off tears. She shakes her head as you both reach your car, her automatically helping. You already felt bad for scarring Lenny with your meltdown.
"Talk to me, you know I'll understand" she urges, eyes full of fondness and you know it's true. She knew what it was like to be in a long time relationship at your age, she was going through it the same as you, and if anyone understood it would be her. With this in mind you let out a heavy sigh and decide to allow it.
"Steve has just been distant lately. It's not his fault, I know it's the job. He never wanted to work for his Dad, you know that, but he took the job for us. He wanted something that could sustain a future and I agreed, but now we've lost that connection. He comes home too tired for me and sometimes I wonder if we would've been better off staying in our small apartment and running that stupid video store" you spill, all of your fears and emotions barren for the girl who least expected to be in the store parking lot with you, sharing your sadness.
"That's not true, and I'm sure he feels bad about it too. Steve loves you, I see it everytime he looks at you. You guys are just stuck right now" she says with the soft shake of her head and you can't help but sigh. You weren't sure how much more you could take with this no talking thing.
“God I hope you’re right, it would be so tragic if the end of us was something as silly as this. Especially when the whole reason he proposed was because I promised I’d love him just the way he is” you say, hands pressing up to your eyes to relieve some tension and tears. Nancy shifts uncomfortably, knowing she was probably part of the very reason Steve had those trust issues. A lifetime ago she had once called the entirety of him bullshit and she regretted it always.
“Just, try to talk to him tonight. Who knows, maybe things will be different” she smiles at you, silver engagement ring glimmering in the sun as she sets the last of your bags in the trunk. You smile right back, collecting the small brunette into a hug.
“Thanks Nance, we’ll have you and Johnathon over for dinner soon. I promise” you tell her and she smiles, hugging you back tightly.
“Good luck tonight” she tells you as she pulls back, gentle features searching your own and you smile, a weight already lifted from your shoulders after your brief talk with her.
“Until the night” you nod and she gives one last smile and wave before pushing her cart to her own car and leaving you to make your way home. Until the night, you just might make it, when you see him again.
You’re only halfway through putting groceries away when you hear the familiar rumble of the BMW pull into the driveway. You hate the way your shoulders deflate just at the idea of Steve coming in and barely paying you any mind. So you continue to put the groceries away as he makes his way in, tie already loose around his neck as he spots you working away in the kitchen.
Steve notices how you barely even turn to greet him, a sad smile on your face as you continue to do what you always did on Friday nights when he got home. He can see how afraid you are that you’ve both changed but sadly the two of you were just getting older. No longer eighteen year old kids excited to explore the big world. You both had been through a lot and he hated that he was slowly turning into his father. A shell of a man no longer in touch with the love he might’ve shared. This very thought is what brings him to walk towards you and wrap his arms around you from behind.
“Hi Rosy” he breathily whispers, head ducking and placing a kiss on the expanse of your neck. You can’t help but stiffen in his arms, almost shocked by the action. This was the Steve you first fell in love with all those years ago, and you hated how odd it was to see him.
“How was work?” you bring yourself to ask and Steve sighs, chin coming to rest on your shoulder.
“Terrible, couldn’t do a thing just waiting to come home and see you” he admits, knowing all to well how he couldn’t keep his mind off of you all day. You can’t help the way your eyebrows draw together in suspicion and you’re quick to turn around in his arms and face your husband.
“Where is this coming from?” And the question makes the guilt twist in his gut with disgust, hating how he had been treating you these last few months. That was going to change, it needed to change.
“I know I haven’t been great lately. Sometimes it’s hard to remember how many broken hearts and lonely faces we’ve shared over the years. We’ve had lovers come and go but we agreed to stay for each other and I haven’t been doing my part” Steve earnestly says, brows furrowed in sadness and his hands locked around your waist as if he let go you would disappear.
“Steve-“ you start with the shake of your head but he’s quick to stop you, hazel eyes searching your own and trying to portray all the regret buried deep within him.
“I know I’ll have my fears like every man and you’ll have tears like every woman but we got this. Even if today we’re unsure but this is what we believe, I believe in us and I want to know how we can go on? I’m going to make a change because not having you until the night is torture” the words he speaks are ones you had been dying to hear for a very long time and you can’t help but smile as your hands reach to cradle his face.
“It’s been torture for me too” you tell him and just like that his lips are sealed against yours in a kiss, his body weight pushing against you and you get sandwiched between him and the counter. You kiss him like a woman starved, which technically you were. Starving for a desirable touch from your husband who wants nothing but you in that moment.
As Steve kisses you he makes a promise to himself. A promise that when the sun goes down and the day is over, and the last of the light is gone as people pour into the street, he will make his way to you. Getting closer as each of the cars turn their headlights on, you’ll be opening up just as they’re closing it down. Work was no longer going to control him, it was just something for him to do during the day until he came home and dedicated himself to you. He knows this to be true when your fingers slide up and through his hair, lower belly nudging against him. He just smiles into your lips as his hands hook under your legs and lift you to the counter.
“I love you” he says in a way that reassures instead of searches for a response. You smile into the kiss, locking your legs around his waist and pulling him flush against you.
“Then show me” you urge him, fingers digging into his shoulders and you slowly grind against the zipper of his jeans. God bless casual Fridays. Steve just grins, hands hooking under you to carry you to the bedroom, dinner and groceries now long forgotten. He loves that while people were going to sleep, you’ll be just starting to touch. He planned to have it that way every night, thankful he was finally beginning to feel again and beginning to give. It had been such a long time and he liked how it made him feel alive.
“You’re so perfect” Steve grins against your skin, kisses trailing down your neck and to your chest. The sensation brings you back to the very first time you ever slept together, how sweet and caring he was. Just the idea of it brings your hands to his hair, softly tugging just as he starts nudging up the hem of your shirt and placing a soft kiss on your stomach. When his fingers curl in the waistband of your pants you can’t help but whimper, needing so much more.
Steve grins at the sound, wasting no time in tugging your pants down, revealing your panties where a wet patch had already started to form. He groans as his tongue glides over it, desperate for a taste of you because it had been so long. Writhing beneath him, he takes his time as he slowly slides the panties down your legs and revealing your glistening core. Steve smiles at you while he drags his finger through your folds, collecting your arousal on the tip of his finger and nudging your clit.
“Please Steve” you beg him as he removes his finger and places it in his mouth. His eyes sparkle with amusement, much darker from the mix of lust and teasing he had been doing.
“Please what?” he asks while feigning innocence. As if he wasn’t currently between your legs right now.
“I need your mouth” you tell him, voice heavy and full of desire. Steve doesn’t need to be told twice as his dips down, nose nudging against your clit as he licks a long stripe through your folds. You moan, the sound becoming strangled when his lips close around your clit and suck hard. Your moans encourage him, bringing him to eat you like a man starved. Your hands find his hair again, caressing the brunette locks as he shoves a finger inside.
“So fucking tight” he mutters, voice raspy and strangled. You can’t help but admire the way he tries his best not to grind into the side of the bed as he listens to your moans.
You do Steve a favor and make quick work of removing your top and bra as he continues to eat you out like an expert. Your legs start to shake the minute you pinch your own nipples and when Steve looks up to see what you’re doing, he nearly faints. “Let me baby,” he muffles into your pussy as you feel that coil begin to tighten. His hands replace your own, groping at the dough of your breasts as you try not to grind against his face.
“Fuck Steve, I’m going to cum” you tell him and that only brings him to move faster, tongue exploring all of you as you shake against him. When he sucks hard on your clit again, you find your eyes rolling back in your head as your orgasm washes over you. He smirks proudly, wiping at his lip as he stands from you, watching as you shake against the mattress.
“Such a good girl” he grins, starting to undo the buttons on his shirt. You watch him shamelessly, admiring the bulge tucked away in his jeans. Steve smiles the whole time, watching you admire him as he strips to his naked form. Your mouth waters at the sight of his chest hair and you can’t help but giggle as his naked form crawls over top of you.
“I’ve needed this” you tell him, panting as he reaches to nudge the tip of him against your folds. His eyes bore into yours, desire for you through the roof.
“Yeah baby?” he asks and you nod, almost on the verge of tears if he didn’t do something soon.
“Yeah, needed you” you tell him in a whine and Steve grins, guiding himself into you, slowly sinking in. You grip his shoulders at the sensation, nails leaving crescent moon marks against his shoulder blades.
“Fuck” you breathily mutter and Steve grins, moving just as agonizingly slow as he fully bottoms himself out. Steves head tips back at the sensation, not moving right away as your walls flutter around him.
“I wanted you to know before I leave again, before the light of dawn, and before this evening can end, I have been waiting for this for so long” Steve says and before you can respond to the heart felt words he’s pulling back and plunging himself in again. You moan out as Steve finds a steady pace, head dropping back down to look at you. He doesn’t miss the way your breasts bounce from his thrusts and he finds himself steadying with his hands on your chest, ramming into you as he feels your nipples pebble beneath his palms.
“So perfect Rosy” he praises, closing his eyes tight as he struggles not to come undone. Still sensitive from your first orgasm you find it hard to even register how good it all feels. When he starts hitting that one spot you feel your back arch against the covers. Steve knows this tell, had seen it a hundred times before, so he quickens his pace, moaning as you tighten around him more and more.
Before you can even process it, your orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, nearly knocking you out. You practically leave earth as Steve continues to drive into you, relishing in the vice grip you have around his length. His hips stutter when his own orgasm follows, coating your insides as he smiles and starts to drop his body weight against you. When you both calm he doesn’t bother sliding out just yet, enjoying the feeling of being this close to you. Being one with you.
All day he kept thinking until the night he just might make it. If he just kept holding on for when he saw you again. If he had known it would’ve been like this, he never would’ve survived. So he lays against you, bare skin slick with sweat and sticking to his own. He loves that he can hear the thump of your heart in his ear, pounding as you came down from your high. He waited his whole life for someone like you and to think he almost wasted a second of it. He was so glad he figured it all out. Just how badly he needed you and always would.
“Now that was fun” you say, hands softly grazing through his hair as he relaxed against you and Steve smiled, pressing a soft kiss to your chest.
“Good, because it’s happening every night from here on out baby” he says with a smile and you laugh lightly, Steve’s head bouncing against you because of it.
“Until the night then”
Taglist: @slvtforstve @keerygal @goosy-goose @livsters @blckburd @loveshotzz @ohwauwdoritos @superblysubpar @southereads @amataadriana @violet2022 @mxrcjqckspnchqsc @madaboutjoe @thunderstomp-and-tequila @justdamnpeachy @micheledawn1975 @fangfatale @kingstevesgf @notlilyyyy @eddiesguitarskills @palmtreesx3 @momospeaches47 @pbs-theundeadmaggot @xuimhao @lianna75 @lvjmel @sadbitchfangirl @halflifejess @starkleila @ellharrington @avobabe87
Comment if you want to be added to the taglist :))
#steve harrington series#steve harrington fic#steve harrington one shot#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington smut#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington stranger things#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington#steve harrington imagines#steve harrington x femreader#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x y/n smut#steve harrington x y/n fluff#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x fem#joe keery fanfiction#joe keery fic#joe keery steve harrington#joe keery x reader#joe keery smut#joe keery imagines#joe keery stranger things#joe keery x smut#joe keery imagine#joe keery#joe keery x femreader#joe keery x fem!reader#joe keery x y/n
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“Who said i needed anything about saving?
Enemies to lovers
Gojo satoru x fem!reader
—>𝐒𝐘𝐏𝐍𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐒:Your life always has been a quiet yet complicated place to deal with but it has never been to difficult to get through.But all it took was one spoil arrogant brat to ruin it.you never really liked Him nor enjoyed his presence,everything about him gave warning’s.Almost every time you saw each other you two would have something to say to each other,not just with words.
*Also reader has a little brother and both are 16 years old.
—>𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒:Cuss words, in later chapters bullying,toxic behavior/relationships, trauma,Violence. (i suck at this stuff 😭)
wordcount: 4.1K
Just like any other day in this life,you have to get up really early in morning to get your little brother Jayden to school and for you to be on time at yours as well.You were awake by your phone alarm clock at 5am in the morning.You immediately started doing your routine in your crappy little apartment building.
You were just 8 years old when your parents left you and your little brother to rot.You had to sacrifice everything for you and your brother to have an opportunity in life to even make it alive. When they left you already knew that your life would be more difficult than other children your age.
It been 8 year has passed since they left.
Now living in an crappy apartment with not the best living environment for your 8 year old brother is all you would afford but at least you could give Jayden a roof over his head.
You promise to be the best person he could ever have,and be there when you guys parents weren’t there.You wanted to make sure that he get to live a normal life.
You were rubbing your eyes to adjust to the darkness of your shared bedroom.You walked towards your bathroom taking a quick 15 minutes shower.You put on your high-school uniform and your hoodie as well.You already did (well try to make your hair look well put) your hair and brush your teeth because it gotten a bit of an habit of not eating anything in the morning.
You had /y/hair/Color/ long hair that was kinda fuck up.If you could recall you look more of your father,you had his eyes.But the only difference is that you had big eyes bags.Your eyes are most lifeless but once in an while your eyes will light up.Your body is skin is rough around the edges.You had a lot of cuts and bruises from over the years,some heal and some didn’t heal. You got over it.
While your brother Jayden had a mix of your guys mom and dad’s hair color.He eyes were full of light and excitement something that made you go determine to continue to push yourself to provide him.He made such soft looking skin and chubby cheeks that him like an adorable hamster.He also has a few bruises but heal quickly.He’s very smart for a 8 year old boy.
Checking the time on your phone to make sure you had enough time to walk Jayden to school and to yours as well.
It was 5:15 AM so it perfectly time for you to get that little adorable shit head up.
You softly nudge Jayden’s arm into a rocking motion.
“Jay come on…wake up you have school today”.
“5 n-minutes more..please” you move him more in an instant.
“If you don’t wake up I won’t get your favorite snack later in the afternoon”you said in a mocking of sincerely voice as you ruffled his hair.
“Finneee geezz”He said in a sleepy and sassy voice as he rise off from his bed.
As you already knew that he was already getting up and in a matter of seconds in the shower and thought out the way he’d mumbled about hating to wake up.
You quietly chuckled at his response,As you went into the small living room as you gather the both of your stuff ready for you two to walk to his school.
You caught the fridge to see if there anything that you could feed him with something before he goes to school.To only find that there nothing in there but rotten vegetables in there.
You mentally groan at yourself for forgetting about the food shortage.In which you knew that you were going to have spend more time out of your study time to get groceries for the house.
You check your phone to see the time was 5:27 AM it was the time that you would know that Jayden would be coming out and dressing up and already done. As you walked to the room but right the when you were about to open the door your little brother storms out of the room.
“I’m doneeee!!” Jayden speaks with his little child sing along voice.In which his little chubby cheeks pauses as he look up at you knowing that he doesn’t smell anything at all like he would normally have.
“Hello?(____) is there breakfast?” He says with such sass that you just roll your eyes.
“No there isn’t,so that why I’m trying to get out the house so I can get you something to eat dummy” You said in a soft yet playful tone.knowing that you had to resist to say a curse word.
“Your the biggest bumbass” Jayden’s says with an eye roll;he just walk pass you and put on his backpack.You were clenching your fist at his response,you knew that he had learn these words from you.But it wasn’t your fault you just gotten the use of saying cruse words at shit that made you feel annoyed when your alone.
“FUCK ME!! urghhh who the fuck makes math this difficult to understand” Or times where you quietly mumble shit under your breath thinking no one would heard. “I hate that stupid fucking bitch. . .who the fuck does she think fucking dumbass”
So you couldn’t argue with him about the cursing part.
“alright let go right now”You voiced out as Jayden just nodded in response while walking with you out the door.Normally the reason you walked early is that you didn’t have to worry about the cracks head that would be active in the morning.
The morning breeze is always nice while walking;You and Jayden quietly and quickly walked through the exit of the apartment building.You lived in the fuck up part of the city’s,Streets being filled with trash or drugs or bottles.Everywhere would be filled with garbage and homeless people that were violent.
Especially when walking here that in middle of night you would get paranoia of someone walking behind you.
But you try to not get that inside your head because you didn’t need that right now,you didn’t need that extra stress.While the way down to the you check your bank account if you’re going to be able to get the groceries and to be able to pay the rent and everything else.
Wind blowing softly at the tress that surrounds your walk way.You and Jayden we’re both in comfort silence.But you wanted to break the silence.
“So how school treating you?” You said in the mist quiet looking down at Jayden dark WellCare hair.
“Good,but I have a question sis?” Jayden ask in the comfortable silence,he child like voice ring through your ears,you quietly mumble in response.Questioning whether he was asking something about his school or yours.
You guys were running in good time it was already 5:59Am and you guys were already half way there to jayden schools but there a store near there that you know would be open this early morning.
The sky starts to form its raising shine,into the beautiful sun rise;cloud turning pinkish with hints of blue in there.It was always nice to see it.But it at times it just an reminder of people are now awake and ready to go make noises with their cars or with their voices.
“What would you do if I were to leave you like mama and papa”
“…”you took in breath because you knew that an 8 year old shouldn’t be thinking stuff like that but stuff about video games,sports,trending shit etc but this caught you off guard, I mean what would you expect from someone who lives in this non-stainable life hold.
So you played it off with a playful tone hiding up the anxiety.
“Why would you leave me alone after all I do be getting your Sweet snack you little shit and I mean with you being this slow at walking you wouldn’t get this far from me” You said with an playful tone,and your lips forming an sly smirk.You quickly pulled Jayden towards the small food store.
“HEY! I’m not Slow at all,and for a fact I’m the fastest guy in my class”
“Sure buddy anyway you pick something to eat for breakfast”
“I am,Fineee whatever bumbass” he said as he went quickly around the store and pick out a doughnut and two cookies.As he rushed towards the cashier who chuckled at his actions,It was an old lady with would always give you some sweet every time you pass by here.
“Ohh you most be very excited to go to school little man” the elder women said in a warm voice.
“Yepp!” Jayden says with a cheeky grin,showing his dimples.As you went over there to greet the elderly women
“Here you also keep the change as” You said in a sleepy voice.giving the women the money.
“No it ok you can have it for free it been so long since I’ve got to see someone with such a good willingness” the elderly women says with a warmth in her voice.
Jayden immediately says ‘thanks youu for Being so kind’,as you gave her a small soft smile on her face.You said your thanks and went off with continuing your walk with Jayden.
You check your phone and what time it is 6:03am and you gave Jayden his stuff to eat it.You quickly grab his pack bag.
“Now quickly eat this we’re about to get to your school”
“Yea,yea I know” He said as he roll his big little eyes.Now stuffing his doughnut into his mouth without a care in the world.
Now there we’re going to cross the road,Making it across the road swiftly.While holding Jayden hands,only a few more steps and then your at Jayden school.
“Sis here I don’t think I’ll eat the other cookie right now”
“Nuh im good,keep it for later for lunch”
“But,I know you didn’t eat anything for breakfast today so here”
“I’m ok little shit no need to worry about me,we’re literally only a few steps from reaching your school”
“Ughhh I hate you bumbass…sometimes” Jayden’s says as he walks more ahead of you,you easily reach his speed.
You guys made it.
It wasn’t the best schools you could have found but it was sort of close to your highschool,and you couldn’t complain about it. Even if the interior looks like an ancient temple. You knew one of the security from the school at always come early,and he knew you as well since you would always come early as well.
You look around if the security was there,before you could get worry about it.He called your name with a warm smile as always,in which he just wave back at him.As you walked toward the gate and look down at Jayden.You knew he just wanted to make sure that your ok.
“Well bye my favorite little shit” Said with a sly teasting smile,as you ruffles Jayden hair.
He just grumbled underneath his mouth.Hitting your hands from his hair.
“Bye my favorite big shit sis” Jayden says with a playful annoyance that you caught easily in his voice.Before you could say anything he ran toward the security guy who said good morning to him or something.
You just waved goodbye to Jayden and him.Now rushing towards to your school,You knew it was 6:24Am and you usual made it there at 6:38 Am and it would give you 20 minutes of relief and for you to gather up an reminder check for the rest of day.
you never really enjoy leaving your little bro all alone in the morning like these but you just had to push through because if you were able to get into this nice ass highschool with all but your brain then your more then able to push your brain to getting into that dream college that wasnt any by mean easy to get in.
Right now your in The corner of the library with few other students that were probably more interested studying then talking.Yeah you were one of them but it was better for you to stay focus on your study then get distracted.
From the corner of your eye you see two students coming your way,They talking loudly about something that you couldn’t help but listen to as well.
"There three new kids coming starting today,their said to be close friends and on the top of that their rich."
"Wait really,i heard from someone it was just one new kid and is said to be like an hottie,especially with white hair and blues eyes."
"NOW that makes ten times worth my time to see them in person,I just hope this isn't some shitty rumor." said the girls that finally left your ear hearing reach,you just rolled your eyes.Because of course if their anything about being in a nice school, people with money could get into anything they want without care of those who tried their everything be here.
And that makes you make rich folk because it take a flick of green in front of someone and they do whatever they want.You been on the board on number one since you started the school year.
You got up from the librairy; collecting everything in the process and putting it in your backbag. Walking to your first class of the day.Still having a lingering thought of Jayden’s question earlier this morning.
'Of course he knows how to make you overthink'
You huff a quiet laugh as you walk back around the building swiftly in speed making it on 5 minutes early on class,to sit down on your favorite desk.
Which is in the corner of the classroom that has a clear view of the window,but you weren’t exactly the desk that had the best view of the windows.But as long as it was able to give an good view you were fine.Its not the person who sitting on the desk is gonna wanna switch with you unless they want something in return ,and so you rather be a ghost then be the alive sunlight of attention.
One is that you weren’t looking for anyways,if you were able to manage yourself,why need friends.Two is that you really didn’t want to have anyone in your busy or start to worry about it then you needed to do.And plus especially them this rich snob school.
But you always gave them a chance and to really see how they act.
You decided to do some study for science because it the only subject that you suck a lot on,last mouth you scored on the top fourth.I mean who could blame you one that one.
Whenever your on your study mood you would just ignore the sound of people talking and be in your little world ,you really couldn’t care any less of what anyone said.
it was until the teacher came in,using his stern voice to grab everyone attention.
“Everyone silence and sit down right now!! We have three new students coming in so treat them with respect” His voice roaring in the classroom.
As everyone quickly became silent and some were quietly whispering about the news of the new kids.
As the teacher opens the door for them to come in. As they walked into the room with welcoming smiles.
One of them with white hair companied by the a black slick hair that tied into a bun and with a cute short brown bob hair girl coming here.
The teacher quickly told them to introduce themselves to the classroom.The first one to go was Gojo.
“Hello everyone, my name is Satoru Gojo and can’t waitttt to talk to y’all.”
“Hello everyone my name is Sugruu Geto and I hope we can be friends”He says in a polite and manner way.He voice smooth and Monotone.
“Name is Shoko Lirei, to meet you guys” The girl speak in such nonchalant tone.Gojo look around the room to find the girls in the room were whispering about how dreamy he looked,He was so used to the attention that he just wink at there way knowing it wouldn’t help him but it will help him with getting along with the girls.
In the same time the teacher speaks to them about their seats. They were three seati88s in the middle of the room waiting to be taken.Of course they took the sits.
You just think that in a few days that they would be the talk of the town.
As everyone else were talking to them with such excitement and passion to know them and what their parents do for a living.While you were just staring at window looking at the birds and trees.Nothing out of the ordinary.And you didn’t want to deal with anything that would make you stressful and difficult for you and your little brother.
Time skip
You were walking towards your next destination which was your favorite course reading/writing.
The sound of students filling the hallways, laughter there,whisper here and there,but remotely most of them were talking.
Navigating through the crowd of students was easy after being used to the people pushing and nudging.
Listening to music with your headphones.While walking to the quarter of the school to get to the class.
‘I hate these hallways and these people like can y’all be more serious and talk in a corner where you’re not bothering people who are actually trying to get to class’ You mutter underneath your mouth.
The windows that follow the hallways were absolutely full of nature,something that you enjoy as a little kid.The sky being full of color and shine.Walking more closely to your next course.Keeping in mind of where you’re stepping. And then
BANG
You didn’t even get an enough time to see the white hair guy,as you two collide on each-other.Blinking multiple times to regain your vision,To only get flashed by the most beautiful blue eyes you ever seen in your life.Your back touching the floor,the heat of the students eyes are watching you and gojo. You were quickly to remove yourself from the ground by pushing him away from you,the slight impact of your action made gojo completely fall on the
floor.
Gojo gave you an unreadable look that you could’ve easily read it if you actually cared to stay there.
You quickly mumble an apology as you retrieve your fallen stuff from the floor,you wanted nothing more than to be away from the attention.As you walked away you saw a particular person from the crowd,a girl with long dark brown hair with pale skin that compliments her dark hair.You notice her from your classes she was always quiet and reserved.You recall her waking you up to tell you that the teacher will be assigned the classroom to do online work,you appreciate that she did that.
‘That’s one way to make an introduction to the new kid’ You said to yourself.You probably came out as cold hearted but it’s not like you were going to hangout with him.
And so you prepared to be in a favorable class with your music on and your signature journal with a few other students there early as well.Now only thing is waiting until class starts.
(Gojo pov)
Gojo got up from the floor swiftly,from one of his best friends,preferring Geto’s hand.
‘What a bitch,jeez’ I said to myself as I rolled my eye at the action only.
“What happened now. . Gojo” Shoko said as she now came back from whatever place she came from.She’s look at me with a raised eye brow.
Geto looks at Shoko with a sly smile on his face.
”Apparently he fell on someone while running Down the hallway” Geto say in a calm voice,without breaking eye contact with Shoko,knowing that Gojo is getting himself tidy from the floor.
“Sounds like something he would do.-she nods at Geto’s words-But did that idiot apologize to them for being a hyperactive child”Shokos says looking at Geto and then to gojo.Knowingly that wasn’t the case.
gojo brushing off the dust of his clothes,and then fixing his white hair.The Sound of chatter ring through the hallway,but it became more noticeable that he and his friends were the ones that they were being talked about.
“Are you ok there,I saw what happened.That runaway skunk just walked away without apologizing.” A girl spoke with such empathy that made it impossible for him not make groan.
Right before he could mutter a word to his friends,some girl In a dark blue jacket with a skirt on.Gojo wasn’t any dumbass to attention like this or anything like that.Her kind looking smile screamed excitement and somewhat amazed.
Shoko and Geto were right behind me when they finally actually got out of their little conversation.And now they just there looking at me with a shrug.
Greatttt
“Yea I very much appreciate your words and your so right about that girl being such a bitch
-I was going to say sorry but guess not” He shrug in a nonchalant manner.
“No one’s care even if you do it,Well I see that you guys are new here and I wanted to see that if we could be friends”She replied,looking at Gojo as if she just meant it for only him and not the two other person behind me.
“Sure it not like we won’t talk again but the name is Satoru Gojo” He added with a proud smirk on his face.Coming from behind is Geto who give the girl a warm smile as well as Shoko.
“It nice to meet you my name is Geto suruguru and the girl next to me is Shoko lieri”
“Hey,hello” Shoko had responded to that,with a lolly pop in her mouth.She made a little wave gesture.
“Well my name is Marina Nicklous”Marina added with a small smile and a wink on her face,as she soon walked away from Gojo and geto and shoko.
Geto completely ignored that,and shoko chuckles at the action,and made a small joke about Gojo being a manwhore.
“Come on,we only have a few minutes to go to class” Geto said as he looked at his phone and looked at the time and putting it back in his pocket.
As they walked off.
You were already having your third class of the day already feeling tried of having to walk through the large building to get to class.
Assuming that it only took you a few minutes to get to your other classes.Sighing as you got up from your desk and putting away your journals in your depth of your book-bag.
You waited until a few minutes to go by to you wouldn’t be crushed by people pushing through the door.
You check the time on the clock.
‘11:23,one hour until it lunch time and then your free’
You mutter underneath your breath,as a you watch the students zooming out the door.
As you walked out of the room coming first glance with Satoru Gojo.His eyes aim down at yours and he had his grin on his face before he looked your way.
You both stood there for a moment and then.He leaned over your face,Looking straight into your eyes.His white hair and blue eyes make him look like an angel that fell down here.And that look would be a useful tool to use in situations like wanting anything.You suppose.But you noticed how close he was in your face.
‘Does he not know what the hell is personal space’
As you leaned back from his reach.Gojo looked like he was just mocking you with his height.Having to bent his head slightly down to actually look into your eyes while you have to you make your head look up to meet with his intense eye contact.
“Whats taking you so long,to apologize to me?”Gojo spoke with a little annoyance.Rolling his eyes at fact you weren’t even trying to apologize for pushing him on the ground.
“Jezz,you’re the one who pushed me down the least you could do right now is to use that smart head of your and apologize.” He stated with such confidence that made you try to not roll your eyes out.
You just scoffed at his attitude,’just like the rest of them’You mutter something incoherent about him underneath your breath.
“I’m sorry ok.now I’ll like for your big ass to move so I can go to my class” You said in cold voice, politely push him away walking away from him and now disappearing from the mist of the crowd of the hallways. It was just a little chat nothing more or nothing less than that.
But Gojo got more annoyed by the lack of respect and politeness of your response.He just grumbled that you’re just a no-body who just live in a world of hate.
Not his problem he says.
An: I didn’t like how it turned out but I GOOTA PUSH THROUGH also I think I’m going make this a slow burn,but not so slow that it actually burns.I just wanted to make a reader more of a background character before she become a rival towards Gojo.But it whether how well this goes. If it hit 100 likes then I’ll continue it.
BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT
✌️
Do not copy or steal my work @sukioyakio
TAG LIST: @10yo-anon @scoobysnakz
SINCE YOU WANTED TO READ THIS HERE YOU GO SWEETIE PIE 😝😌
#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x reader#jjk fanfic#gojo saturo#gojo x you#gojo x reader#jujutsu gojo#satoru gojo x reader#jjk gojo#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru
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Jimmy EVO thoughts
This is a loooong thread of summarized thoughts (cough 5500 words) of Jimmy in Evo, though mostly his and Martyn's Property Police relationship and how it leads into future treatment of Jimmy, as well as general Jimmy character analysis. Plus some Netty thoughts and such in relation to Jimmy too
Obligatory: I talk about characters only
The following is separated into categories, somewhat, but 90% of that is property police related... Netty and misc thoughts are down below
Shoutout once again to my friend for pointing out some stuff I missed or better than I could
(Martyn's self portrait. Idk felt appropriate)
1. Jimmy and Martyn (Property police) thoughts
Jimmy and Martyn overall are pretty cute and supportive and protective of one another but there are many many instances that Martyn unfairly scolds and plays him down. But then he'll turn around and show some form of care towards Jimmy which leaves me feeling conflicted. The way Martyn treats Jimmy here pretty effortlessly leads into Jimmy's further mistreatment in future SMPs imo
I'm gonna start off with a lot of negative aspects to the Property Police dynamic but trust me ok I've noted down all the cool and nice things too at a later point. As I said they're overall cute and nice!!! There's just a lot... to note... (I'm a big solidwood fan ok. sobs)
1.1 Martyn's caretaker role and the "chief"
All throughout, Martyn keeps bringing up this made-up character "chief" who they speak of as both a sort of boogeyman as well as a parental figure (Jimmy later says the chief is his father)? Like Jimmy causes trouble and Martyn goes "ahh I'm gonna have to tell the chief about this" to which Jimmy tries to plead his case. Or Martyn would express needing the chief to weigh in on whether Jimmy's doing a good enough job as Property Police. This makes sense though given Martyn's self-assigned caretaker role
Martyn largely acts like he needs to be taking care of Jimmy and doesn't trust him when he's alone (will be talked about in depth at the next point) and makes up this police chief character to spook Jimmy but also to, again, serve as some kind of replication of a parental figure... Jimmy himself talks about the chief that way too, saying stuff like "the chief told me to be careful"
There's some kind of pride essential to Martyn that he gets from taking on some kind of provider role, and/or it might be essential to him being able to show affection, at least at this point in time and at least towards Jimmy
Martyn likes to feel depended on and Jimmy does make it feel that way. He's constantly considering Martyn, following him around, supporting him. When he's not there, he frequently talks about him, how he's not here today but will be another time, how he's taking a break, how they'll be doing stuff together later... How they both agree that Jimmy doesn't fare well on his own (and how Jimmy and other people in Jimmy's life will hold onto this belief)
In one episode they're both finding these vacation apartments to buy? and Jimmy goes "can we be next to each other though? I'll miss you too much if we don't" :(
At some point Netty's appalled by how poor Jimmy is so he and Martyn make plans to mine together, and they decide to mine in different directions only for Jimmy to go back to Martyn anyway
I'm so sorry to be a weeb and use a screenshot from Free! of all things but this is Martyn and Jimmy. I don't make the rules
There's also a moment where Jimmy says "I think I might need you" to which Martyn goes "is this you confessing your love to me?" and then they do this bit where they act out the chief talking to them "you can love who you want to love. As long as you do your job right". So basically the chief is validating gay marriage. Awesome
Anyway, Jimmy at several points gets told off by Martyn because he's "fine" and doesn't need Jimmy following him around but what else is he gonna do… you cant just leave him on the street like a lost puppy…
At one point in the SMP, they all get together to take on the ender dragon (after which Grian left). Unfortunately, they don't end up in one End dimension and instead, they all have to fight the Enderdragon by themselves. Jimmy does fantastic. He's very focused and gets it done in spite of a few struggles. He even says "those endermen made me so angry. I haven't been so angry in awhile" when it really didn't show that he was THAT angry when a bunch of them piled on him. He stayed focused and finished the job... Sigh. He can be so confident and competent and good, if only he didn't get played down so frequently just for often getting excited and tunnel visioned easily...
It's implied that the others thought he was gone for good when Jimmy finally made it back to the overworld after some... bliss in the great void? Of course he starts asking himself about Martyn and expressing hope that Martyn's alive. He and Martyn eventually communicate here and there but still don't meet up for awhile longer. Jimmy for this time period is surviving pretty much independently, and even when Martyn starts turning up in his episodes more again, there's much less of Jimmy following Martyn around like he used to, and I think Martyn took note. It feels like he took note that Jimmy no longer depended on him and kinda fucked off a little bit. This would carry over to stuff like 3L as reasoning for why Martyn acted the way he did towards Jimmy? Evidently caring about him yet pushing him away, even after Jimmy asked to join him, even after Martyn himself told Jimmy that he thought Scott was using him
(Headcanony here, but I still jive with the idea that there was some kind of watcher/listener/Evo members confrontation at the end that forced that world to come to an end, from which Jimmy and Pearl were spared as they went on to quickly be part of new worlds unlike the others. And then some of them eventually returning like Martyn, but not Netty, and the idea that Martyn now holds some kind of resentment towards Jimmy for not having gone through that and never being able to understand how Martyn feels, in spite of still caring about Jimmy, having wanted to spare him from whatever went down to begin with. This, combined with him seeing Jimmy become more independent, when Jimmy was always waiting for him and wanted to make him proud for surviving on his own, and missed and needed him even if Martyn doesn't think so. This will be reinforced at later points here too)
1.2 Martyn's lack of trust in Jimmy and Jimmy's self-deprecation
Apparently whenever Jimmy's on the server without Martyn, he just becomes a troublemaker and Martyn goes "I don't trust you half the time", granted, lightheartedly, but this notion will keep being repeated. His first reaction to the property police being faulted for anything, or Jimmy being hesitant with telling him something, is to assume and accuse Jimmy of messing something up. Eg when there is a scene resembling a protest built outside their base, Jimmy questions what they've done to be opposed, to which Martyn goes "What have YOU done?". This leads to/deepens Jimmy's need to prove himself to be good and competent, and his hesitancy to let Martyn know/fear of Martyn finding out when he's messed something up
Jimmy gets himself utterly blown up by Grian's prank, Martyn's not there so he goes "guys, you cannot tell Morty (Martyn), he will kill me". He sounds genuinely pretty upset too "I don't- I don't know anymore." He's not even nice to their current dog, with him walking around pretty aimlessly before going to their dog who's standing up and repeatedly trying to make it sit, sternly saying "Sit down, sit down." when previously he's shown a lot of affection towards their dogs (though honestly uncertain how much of it has been totally genuine when he has also joked about a dog dying before it can be nametagged and stuff)
Martyn's not around and look what happens - exactly what Martyn has drilled in. Of course Jimmy is flustered and upset, and of course he doesn't want Martyn to know- for Martyn to comment again about his lack of trust in him by his lonesome, or about his unsuitability for his job as a cop. It only makes sense that Jimmy comes to believe he's incapable of handling himself alone and that he needs to rely on someone. It's only natural he follows Scott around in 3L without question when Scott doesn't trust him to something. It's only natural that even with Tango, at the start of DL, he voices concern to Bdubs that he's afraid Tango will yell at him for having done a bad job begging for resources. (Ofc Tango doesn't but it's really fucking sad!! That Jimmy's been conditioned to consider that!!)
Another example of "Jimmy's incompetency" is when Jimmy's dog has been taken hostage for awhile, but they find it almost instantly when Martyn comes back on. Jimmy says he needed the dog to keep him company and expresses a lot of grievance over the dog's living condition in the hole it was kept in, while Martyn questions if he even put in that much of an effort to try and find it. They joke about and Jimmy agrees to him not doing well on his own. (Also I'm not sure what to take away from the fact that the dog was kept in oddly good conditions and Jimmy still feeling bad for the dog...? Aside from the lack of sunlight ofc, it had room and water and a bed)
At some point (spoken more of in the Netty section), Jimmy gives Netty all his resources he gathered from their mining trip together and then asks "did you get a picture? Did you get a picture of that?". Naturally Netty comments on his need to immortalize his good deeds but you can't blame the guy when the people around him, especially his best pal Martyn, keep calling him a bad cop and not trusting him to be good when he's left alone. It makes sense for Jimmy to want proof of him being good to show Martyn...
Start of Evo ep 46, Salems says in chat something along the lines of "be good now Jimmy, no one's here to watch over you" to which Jimmy replies "I'm always good tyvm!!" And then proceeds to praise himself for the rest of the episode despite having difficulty dealing with the property police station being flooded. Eg sees that he has a bucket in one of his chests and going "Good job Jim good job" etc. He's trying so hard and then turns around to see more water and goes "this makes me sad" :(
(It was genuinely really bad lol this image does not do it justice)
Jimmy's self deprecation is also present in Evo even when it's not being brought on by anyone else, only himself. Eg under the video in which he got miserably blown up by Grian's prank, he has his pinned comment: "I was excited okay. I did not see the plates, don't ruin the comment section! Thank you. I am a noob though. HA!" and at the start of a different episode, Jimmy says to the audience "You didn't miss me, did ya? I know you didn't miss me" :(
There's also the time where he, Martyn and Netty do a race all individually and in the end it's revealed that Jimmy was the last one by a second and he repeatedly goes "oh wow so funny let's laugh (mock laughter)". Something about this one... Sure they joked about him coming last a few times through the episode but that felt kind of out of left field. Why is he so mocking... why are you being so SO mean to yourself Jimmy...
Jimmy is pretty frequently insisting on being a good cop even when the situation doesn't call for it because "people have been having a go at me lately". This notion of Jimmy being a bad cop extends further yet when Martyn's mayor campaign begins
1.3 Martyn's mayor arc, Jimmy's reinforced unsuitability and getting caught in the crossfire
Martyn runs for mayor, during which Jimmy is unwaveringly backing him, ofc. Following him around, propping him up... At one point Martyn even says "You're the best run-in partner I could've asked for"
But then things start falling apart and Martyn starts to a go a little bit mad. He wants to give up and Jimmy is basically pleading with him saying stuff like "but I've done so much to back to you" but Martyn's not hearing it "You've done nothing". (what a switch from that last paragraph lol)
Back to the Property Police station being flooded - Jimmy was openly supporting Martyn's mayor campaign but he didn't cause any of the destruction during the fallout when Martyn gave up. It was all Martyn and in retaliation the property police base has been significantly flooded and plastered with vines and Jimmy's the one to have to clean it all up. This doesn't get acknowledged (in Jimmy's POV at least). This is also very true in other SMPs like X Life, that Jimmy largely suffers due to no bad actions of his own but rather the crossfire of others'
It's always Martyn being on break... It's always Jimmy saying "the chief gave him days off!" and Martyn saying "I need a break from you and everything". Has anyone considered maybe Jimmy needs a little break too.. Has anyone considered that Jimmy also feels bad for not having his efforts recognized... He's always there to prop Martyn up to largely get deprecated in return in spite of everything he does (and isn't that a familiar theme with Jimmy...)
Anyway, next episode Martyn's back and Jimmy wants to show him something nice he made for him for being torn up about the mayor thing, but Martyn's immediate reaction is "what did you do!?".
Well, the nice thing Jimmy made was a padded cell and he trapped Martyn in there for a bit for having gone a little mad lol
Martyn for a short period of time ends up becoming mayor anyway, during which he hits and berates Jimmy quite a bit (clenches fist) and reasons why Jimmy would always be second in charge at most because people don't want him as mayor. They do this whole bit where Jimmy replaces all the previous signs directed towards Tatiz (the last mayor) for them to say nice things about Martyn instead cause it's not like anyone's gonna know they're all just done by Jimmy... and then Martyn doesn't even let him into the office and punches him and Jimmy fake sniffles away
Martyn has another meltdown over the Watchers being against him becoming mayor, though Jimmy's still supporting him through it even as Martyn's playing him down. At the very end of the episode, Martyn jumps down a well when he says he's gonna go sleep so Jimmy's like "oh. Don't drown, we still need you" and Martyn sounds genuinely kind of gut-wrenchingly defeated when he replies "apparently not". Good time to remember Martyn's pride in feeling needed
Next time Martyn's on, he's on a quest to exile himself, saying he's going to find the next portal and leave and never come back. Jimmy is valiantly following him around and basically pleading for him to stay and that they need him (I think it's just you Jimmy... it's you who needs him...). Him saying "we've been on the force for 9 years, does that not mean anything to you?" makes for a painful parallel to Martyn accusing Jimmy of not caring about property police in 3L... Paraphrasing a bit, but the back and forth between Martyn and Jimmy: "You can explain to Netty why I'm leaving. I didn't want to explain to anyone but you've forced it on me. I'm happy to leave, everything's fine" - "Alright, fine. Fine, I accept it, no I accept it, I'm coming to wave goodbye" - "You coming with me, or?" - "No, I'm not leaving all this behind, but I'll come wave goodbye". Even with Jimmy giving up or having implied giving up on trying to convince Martyn to stay, he still wants to follow him, to at least say goodbye... Jimmy also says he's tearing up as Martyn's digging down to the stronghold where he plans to make his exit. Martyn drops into the stronghold with a bunch of mobs though and Jimmy goes "yess kill him, kill him!" (because that'd bring Martyn back to spawn and halt his self exile) before jumping down and helping defend Martyn anyway... Ultimately Martyn fails because the portal isn't even there and he dies to a creeper. Later, when Martyn's back, this is largely treated as a bad dream and that Martyn was just in a daze
I'm not sure exactly where this thought started but at some point Jimmy starts to express having to become mayor himself (and then at a later point, as mentioned above, Martyn explaining why people would never want him as a mayor). Jimmy says things like "I'm gonna end up being the mayor aren't I?" when things get tentative and unstable with Martyn, and "I reckon anything that comes - if a situation comes along again where someone has to take charge and i-in- lead and vote for something or even go for something... think Pete Bills should take it- I think Pete Bills should take it, and, you know... Give his best shot"
This is significant to me because Jimmy wanting to be in any kind of leading role, but never managing it, is a theme that comes up frequently in his POVs. Jimmy is already treated as being at the bottom of some player perceived hierarchy, and as such constantly teased and played down, which naturally, for the others, makes it unlikely if not absurd for him to be in leadership positions, and this imo carries over to his relationships
He hardly has authority and when he tries to enforce it, he gets disregarded, discouraged and/or made fun of, eg in ESMP2. He hardly if ever gets authority in 3L FH (flower husbands), or ESMP2 fWhimmy, or, Evo Solidwood to an extent. The whole mayor deal is very resemblant of what would go on to happen in X Life too. Where Jimmy is happy to be part of "Jeremyism" with Joel as the leader, though he enforces very little power, but when that position is about to be handed over to Scott, Jimmy desperately tries to get himself to be the leader instead, and upon failing, begs Joel to retain his position, only to end up following Scott's lead anyway without further vocal protest
Jimmy taking charge, in relationships or otherwise, almost always gets shut down. Pensive
1.4 Martyn's also kind to Jimmy though...
But then there are times like Martyn showing concern towards his wellbeing, voicing fear of him hurting himself, saying things like "I was worried you hurt yourself"
There are times like Salem cornering Jimmy and Martyn going "Salem, back it up, go back a few blocks, get away from him". Times like them talking about food and Jimmy says he's the priority so he should eat. Martyn naturally questions it and then chases him around for a bit, threatening to hit him, but then throws him the food anyway without arguing against it...
Something about Martyn not being entirely against the padded cell that Jimmy made for and trapped him in briefly. Martyn willingly goes in there when "he's had a thought" and says for Jimmy to trust him to stay in there even though one of the doors is broken and keeps opening. Something about Jimmy's ideas being given a chance and made use of even when its. a fucking padded cell
There's an episode that starts with Martyn calling Jimmy upset and a loser as is not at all unusual (grrr) but then he goes all soft "How you doing, you alright? Sorry I've been away" and all I can do is shake my fist, unable to quite punch him. There's something here about Martyn struggling to express affection, really well showcased in the bread incident too, without having a go at Jimmy first as if it were a balance that he needs to keep in check, rather than being nice to Jimmy just... because.
There's a trap they build, mostly Martyn, and he claims "Jimmy was such a big support" and Jimmy naturally goes "I didn't really do much" but all Martyn replies is "well its this kind of trap that having two people work on it would have been difficult..." thank you for validating Jimmy and not making a joke out of him for "doing less"
There's this kind of respect towards Jimmy here largely absent from a lot of other people in other SMPs...
Jimmy shushing Martyn and Martyn actually shuts up. Wow basic decency and respect towards my son !!! Jimmy suggests a viewer suggested bevarage name for their little pub thing, and Martyn says it's bad, but when Jimmy reinforces a little later that he thought it was good, Martyn encourages him to put up a sign for it anyway.
It's not just Jimmy who's being accused of having done something etc. Jimmy's also more assertive towards Martyn and asking him if he's sure he's not done anything bad. And also holding Martyn accountable. This is largely a saving grace for Solidwood to me as opposed to some other Jimmy relationships in select SMPs because it goes both ways here even if still in uneven portions...
There's also Jimmy's antics being played into it as opposed to being disregarded or made fun of. A lot of it tends to be turned back around to making fun of Jimmy and then that's it, that's the joke, but with Martyn, he participates in the jokes. Jimmy can just ask for silly stuff or be silly and Martyn will easily go along or provide without knocking him or anything. Jimmy "can I get a cool intro please" and Martyn will just do it without question. The whole thing they had with Evo news (genuinely please go watch this one tiny animatic of one of their "Evo News" segments on Jimmy's channel, it's so adorable). Or whatever other cringy joke bits they do. Mmgh I just wish this was the case with more people than just Martyn
This kind of stuff, a lot of the time does still involve teasing Jimmy, but it's fun... It's not just fun on Jimmy's expense, it's fun that involves him, and that makes this endlessly more enjoyable to me than the "lol Jimmy is incompetent and stupid and deserves no rights" jokes with no further nuance to them. Those do very much appear in Evo still, and do hurt me, although I see no harm to them as long as they're less frequent and as such don't become fully stale after the first few times, but at least it's not. coughempiresseason2cough cough.
Idk where else to put this but Martyn and Jimmy start the "Property Police" bit in episode 2 already and it goes on for pretty much the entire series. They both adopt specific names for it though. Jimmy decides on “Pete Bills” but it’s mostly just him who ever uses it. Martyn picks “Morty” and Jimmy continues calling Martyn that for the entire series. Kind of cute of them to have nicknames for one another, Morty and Timmy respectively, even if it was Grian who started the Timmy bit
1.5 Setting Jimmy up for failure
This kind of casual hitting and deprecation from Martyn is what I think leads to Jimmy's further minimization and need of dependency, which I brought into question way back at the start. While Property Police is largely pretty carefree and accountability and such isn't always one-sided and can go both ways, there are so many things to point to in retrospect as frontrunners for repeating themes in how Jimmy gets treated by others, and how he views himself. A lot of Martyn's treatment of Jimmy both within and after Evo make me grit my teeth but there's these saving factors... Where Martyn evidently does really care, and he'll at least sometimes express as much... What gets in the way is his tendency to be hot-headed and selfish, and skewed in his ways of affection and pride
It's so fucked up how Jimmy's led to believe to have been at fault for so many things that happen to him through all the deprecation and reinforcement of him being the worst player of the bunch. How when he apologizes, no one tells him he's no need to.
Before one of the portal hops, when everyone’s having a meeting to switch versions, someone trapped Jimmy in 4 Iron doors (idk who, Jimmy cut it out) but Grian goes "don’t worry I have a way to get you out of there" and blows the doors up with TNT. He then asks Jimmy to clean it up and Jimmy's all "sorry I'll clean it up" and he keeps apologizing. Another time when Jimmy loses a race in evo and Mini punches him "you're stupid, Jimmy, you're stupid, you should have won that race" to which Jimmy briefly flees before going back to him to apologize (doesn't that sound familiar...grrr)
It started with Martyn, who Jimmy followed around, supported, needed and missed, and then X Life Joel (Jeremyism) and then 3L Scott etc. Jimmy doesn't need to depend on anyone, that's just how his fucked up love life and expectations of affection (and when whether or not he deserves any) have gone, cause I feel the need to reinforce that Jimmy is very good and capable, he is!! If the damn Enderdragon fight is anything to go by if nothing else!! He should start murdering people!! Anyway
Appropriate time to think again about Martyn, in 3L, voicing concern over Scott slapping Jimmy around, when he has also admitted to using Jimmy ("Sometimes I feel that you use me" - "I 100% do")
For further similarities, few times Martyn scolded Jimmy, like when Jimmy accidentally kills Martyn at one point with a single pickaxe swipe and Martyn scolds him like "alright, now you get back on the surface, bring all my stuff back to me" and Jimmy can only stutter and make a few whimpers. His “How were you on that low H- How… Hmph :(“... I want someone to hold Jimmy so badly you don’t understand... or the time Jimmy and Martyn were standing by the blaze spawner to get double spawning rate, when for some reason Jimmy decides to leave and take a little gander alone at which Martyn very angrily goes "did you just leave? You can't do that! Are you guys seeing this teamwork??". He's getting scolded... No blazes were spawning and he got anxious and needed to go for a walk Martyn it's okay...
Also like. He lived and slept in the same room as Jimmy all throughout. Something about Jimmy only ever being part of at least SOMEWHAT nice relationships when he's sleeping together with that person and not alone. coughs
2. Jimmy and Netty (and Martyn) thoughts
Seeing as Netty's skin is a bush baby and she built a treehouse, I'm still sticking with the headcanon that little Martyn and Jimmy just found this creature (Netty) in the woods one day. Anyway
Martyn, Jimmy and Netty are on a goose chase and I found it really cute how they came across a decent water crossing, Martyn asks Netty in chat "boats or swim?" meanwhile Jimmy is already swimming off and Netty doesnt answer and just jumps in after Jimmy. He and Netty also fall down the exact same hole simultaneously later, it’s adorable.
When they make it to where the new portal is, Netty hits Jimmy into some water, to which Jimmy of course shakes his fist, and then later Netty accidentally nudged him to his death by fall. Jimmy said she will pay for her crimes, but it was an accident Jimmy... she didn't mean it that time... And then Netty's slowly crawling towards Jimmy with her head down, occasionally looking up with puppydog eyes no doubt. You know the cubito body language. But Jimmy's just shaking his head at her.... Jimmy feels bad though, I think, so he went up to her but she thought he was going to attack and ran away
Jimmy POV vs Netty POV (yeah I don't blame her for getting scared lol)
Jimmy's disappointed though and says "I'm done with her" :(
In a later episode, Jimmy is helping Netty gather resources for her library. They go mining together, both having very little to their name and almost no torches, Jimmy mistakenly asks Netty for sticks before realizing he already has plenty but Netty gives him hers anyway and they rejoice and laugh about it... She also says "in real life I would actually trust you with my life but in Evo I do not want anything to do with you, you are too mischievous". Because this mentions the CCs specifically, and I'm strictly talking about characters, I'm not gonna think about it much but idk, I like that Netty's reasoning is "You're too mischevious" and they're just laughing about it. Netty's and Jimmy's banter in general is just really cute. There's a point where she's saying "Stop trying to make that a thing!" in response to Jimmy using this phrase "fan dabi dozi" with his own little inflection and when Jimmy asks "does it irritate you?" she says no, it makes her laugh. It's something about the way Netty does very much tease Jimmy but there's much less maliciousness in it than there is for some other people doing the same. She's not as quick to fault or accuse him, and she's quicker to laugh things off in unison and not at Jimmy
When they're done mining, Jimmy offers and gives her all the resources that he mined, to Netty's very genuine surprise though. Jimmy reasons "that's the whole reason I came with you" and like, yeah, he's right, this was established lol, but still... He's not being taken for granted... Netty didn't just assume he'd hand his resources over... And then Netty's New Years resolution is "to make Jimmy be less mean" ???? Netty.......
In spite of the few hiccups that I find hard to excuse though, Netty's attitude towards Jimmy is very similar to Martyn's when he's being nice. Basically what I already said a paragraph ago. Their banter is largely cute (when it involves Martyn, too, they make for a very fun and cute trio) and she spends the last episode with Jimmy and Pearl and it's very bittersweet
Other Jimmy things
There's a bit they do at the beginning of an episode where Jimmy attempts to propose marriage to Martyn. "Oh my god you need to see this, you need to see this, basically I've been... I've been thinking a lot lately and um-" - "Mate I'm already taken" (Martyn whips out the rose that Netty gave him early on and that he's kept in his hotbar ever since (mad cute btw))
At the very start of the SMP, Jimmy and Martyn immediately run off together and they're very sweet but anyway when Jimmy finds his first iron, he calls Martyn over to remember the occasion. Martyn then whips out 3 iron like “oops I already got some” but. Something about Jimmy treasuring the moment like that… Something about him and resources…
Jimmy is also claustrophobic apparently, with Martyn commenting about feeling bad about making him crawl through a tight space although Jimmy says it's fine. I'm just... thinking about 3L FH... their secure, claustrophobic base at the edge of the world away from everyone else... and Jimmy's few attempts of reaching out... Jimmy..... sorry this isn't about 3L uhhh
When Netty questions why Jimmy's bad at handling Creepers, he says "it's my parents"?? With the previous implication that the "chief" figure is Jimmy's dad, did the chief not teach him how to fight... This is kinda funny but also kinda sad because it makes me think of him being treated as the runt of the litter and no more, he was not the favorite child...
Zee throughout Evo is in direct opposition of the property police, being one of the two members of the mafia. He's responsible for doing and helping in many pranks aimed against the property police. In spite of this, near the end of the SMP, when he has reason to be upset with Jimmy, he's ultimately pretty nice about it... Jimmy's been stealing all his chickens from his chicken farm and not leaving any for Zee, but even then Zee is not that confrontational with him about it... Jimmy tries to derail, Zee catches on, Jimmy insists whilst also admitting to it and Zee's like "haha ok go on". Jimmy also tried to kill him but Zee caught on and killed him instead, but because it was with lava and all of Jimmy's stuff burned as a result (including all of Zee's TNT that he'd just stolen), Zee felt bad and gave him all the diamonds he had... Zee has 3 reasons to be upset with Jimmy, and Jimmy is usually the runt of the litter, the punching bag, and yet... Thank you Zee for being relatively kind to my son
Hello insane person for reaching this point. When my life series merch is ready I will start giving people like you discount codes at the ends of these posts. wink10 for 10% off. Remember it. Go read my X Life Jimmy thoughts too if you haven't. please
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