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queerdraws · 7 months

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Posting these here now that they're all done :) Wanted to do some drawings for the short version of my zolu playlist, and was inspired by ao to make them postcard-sized. Did two versions of the last song since there were an uneven number of songs.

(Not organized sequentially / by timeline, just organized to make the playlist nice to listen to)

#zolu #luzo #one piece #Gonna post the full version of playlist + writeup somepoint soon #maybe later today if i can format it

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theshitpostcalligrapher · 7 months

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fun fact when i was a kid/teen i thought I was gonna go into comic/manga illustration and i realized i still have my weeb sketchbook... from 2013.

wanna take a look?

#man there's a lot of crap crammed in here since it was also the book i used for like #actual foundational arts class in high school #where you learn how to research reference images and do writeups and prep portfolios n all that

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boxturret · 2 months

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One Tenth Scale Mata Nui

Mata Nui is a cool place, but did you ever feel that it was a bit...big for what it was?

The official maps put the island at 357 kio long, which if you take to be a stand in for kilometres¹, would make the island 357 kilometres long.

This lines up roughly with what we can see in the concept art: they say that Mata Nui is around the size of Denmark, the real measurement being 368km, and it matches with what we see in the Mata Nui Rising cgi video.

So that's all well and good, Mata Nui is 357km long, the GSR itself is 3300km tall, all hunky-dory, as long as you ignore some guy named Greggory yelling about how the robot is actually much bigger, but its fine to ignore him.

But now, actually consider what this means. Denmark is by no means a small country, it has a population of 6 million and would take hours to drive across by car on modern roads. Now that isn't an issue really, but in most media depicting the island its shown to be a place that can be traversed by foot or on animal back in a reasonable time frame.

But now let us look at this earlier map:

Initially the most interesting thing to me on this map was the 3rd measurement: the height of the Mangai volcano²

Now on the one hand, this was cool, now I know how tall to make the volcano, on the other hand... 23km seems pretty big.

It is. 23km is higher than Olympus Mons, the largest known volcano in the solar system, standing at only 21.9km. So that's pretty big. This made me start thinking about how far various things are apart and how long it would actually take and using some very VERY generous numbers I started plotting out how long it would take to actually get from place to place.

It wasn't very pretty. In the Mata Nui Online Game it would have taken Takua roughly 5 hours to walk from the beach to Ta-Koro, and another 18 to get to Onu-Koro using the highway. Now this would be fine in an epic like Lord of the Rings, but in Bionicle Mata Nui is consistently treated as a place people can pretty quickly get around on.

The Toa are running all over the place and bumping in to each other. Kopaka getting in to the Caldera at the top of the Mangai volcano isn't the equivalent of climbing 3 Mt Everests in a row, its just something he does [correction: It wasn't the caldera, but a lava pool half way up the mountain, so just 1.5 Mt Everests]. Takua travels all over the island in a pretty small amount of time, unless we're supposed to insert day long journeys in between every screen transition.

But then I noticed something. Something very interesting.

Now lets look at the two keys for the sizes on the released and the early map:

Seems pretty consistent, the sizes of the island are the same, a Toa is 1.6 bio on both (incidentally a real Toa figure is approximately 16cm tall), everything seems to match.

But then I counted the zeroes.

The old map has a kio being not 1000 bio, but 100!

You can even see it on the other version of the map.

Now this is incredibly interesting! This shrinks Mata Nui to 1/10th of its commonly accepted size! It goes from being the size of Denmark to being the size of the Isle of Man.

Which....really works a lot better! This turns Takua's trip from the beach from a 5 hour hike to a short half hour walk. This turns the cable car to Mt Ihu from a massive 70km mega structure to something that's dwarfed by real world constructions.

I don't think this is a mistake either, looking at the details of the map.

You have much finer details, such as these ice shelves collapsing in to small icebergs, whereas on the full sized map some of the larger chunks of ice are kilometres across.

One of the major things it includes are the mesas that can bee seen in many of the promotional renders set in Le-Wahi which are nowhere to be seen on the final map. At this 1/10 scale the plateaus seen would match up well with the massive mesas seen in monument valley in terms of size, but with the final size they would be absolutely massive (10 times as big if you can believe it!)

So suffice to say, I don't think this is just a case of a zero being dropped, it really seems to line up with the level of detail on this earlier map.

But what does this do to the GSR? I hear you cry, well it varies. Going by the earlier numbers it would simply be 1/10th the size, so 330km tall instead of 3300km, so still very large, but depending on the size relationship between the robot and the island it could be as "small" as 180km

The island in this picture is roughly the same size as normal, just covers more of the GSR. The final GSR's head is so proportionately tiny compared to its body that the Mata Nui island had to be very small to cover it. But in any case, a robot "only" 180km tall standing up is still going to tower over anything, its many times higher than airplanes fly, its taller than most clouds, really it would be quite consistent with this render:

So, in conclusion, an earlier concept of the island of Mata Nui has it being 1/10 of the size of the final, and that size seems to work better with what we see in various media from the time, and works better with the story.

Personally this is what I'll be going with in terms of the scale of the island going forward, as it really fits with my vision of the setting and works well with all the story and media from that time.

¹-I don't care about someone saying a bio is 4.375966487787¾ feet, feet aren't real and neither are you. ²-Mt Ihu is NOT the highest point on the island, the GSR isn't Pinocchio with a big pointy nose, this has never been reflected in any visual media.

thank you for reading/have a nice day

Update: I have made a companion post with many renders of George visiting places on the island to hopefully better illustrate the scale.

#bionicle #hypothesis #writeup #Mata Nui #GSR

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vulcanautus · 9 months

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"I have to carry on, and do everything he planned to do."

#dgs #tgaa #the great ace attorney #dai gyakuten saiban #ryunosuke naruhodo #kazuma asogi #asoryuu #dgs spoilers #tgaa spoilers #too many gotdamn tags...#please zoom in to admire the amount of time I spent on these damn flowers #they are lillies chrysanthemums camellias and roses. I was going to do a whole writeup on my thought process for them #but I'm too lazy. do some independent research #despite the quote used for the caption this was actually inspired by the line graydon says #about it being a shame to send [ryuunosuke] back home in a box #and I was like haha. and then I really thought about it #girlies I don't think kazuma was intending to survive.#I forgor the asry tag whoopsie....

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do-you-know-this-queer-character · 4 months

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Do you know this queer character?

Jon is Biromantic and Asexual, and uses He/Him pronouns!

Art by @ wellotwig on X

#Listen I dont usually use fan art and for other TMA characters I won't but I have such a specific image of how this man looks in my head #I didn't see anything on the twitter profile saying not to repost w/ credit but if it's requested I change it I will!!#also yall can stop submitting him now I got him 9 times lmao #jonathan sims #tma #the magnus archives #tumblr polls #fandom polls #poll #biromantic #asexual #he/him #podcast #lgbtqia #do you know this queer character #edit: removed the part about other pronouns. yes I know about the they/them pronouns in the writeups but I've been told it isn' t canon!#finished

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v-67 · 5 days

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Just Luffy being all cute cute

Look at that cheek, and those eyes.

And idk man, I was just really happy to see Law

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zhongscara · 7 months

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neuvillette probably worries about wriothesley figuring out he's the hydro sovereign and wonders how to break it to him without losing his trust etc etc, meanwhile wriothesley figured it out some time ago and is just trying to figure out the most polite way to ask if dragon anatomy is really like what those saucy fontainian romance novels say

#wriolette #mine.txt #wrio #neuvi #yes wrio reads paperback erotica. it gets boring reading just official letters and writeups.

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shikai-the-storyteller · 10 months

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Is that really JuanaFlippa?

Based on everything we know right now, the answer is "no"

What's more likely is that this is a Binary Monster pretending to be JuanaFlippa.

On a meta level, we know the admins of dead QSMP Eggs said they won't reprise their roles, but it's no fun to base lore analysis on meta alone, so here's a lore explanation for my reasoning:

First, and perhaps the most obvious explaination: JuanaFlippa never had cracks in her shell. She died long before the event where all the Eggs got kidnapped and were returned with cracked shells, yet this "JuanaFlippa" had cracks. What's interesting to note here is that during the Election Dinner when the fake Chayanne and Tallulah tried to trick Phil, he immediately pointed out that they didn't have cracks in their shell while the real Chayanne and Tallulah did. Perhaps the imposter was trying to overcompensate for their previous mistake by adding cracks to JuanaFlippa's shell not realizing that she never had them in the first place.

The reason why I specifically say this is a Binary Monster is because of the signs she left:

We've already seen the Binary Monster(s) try to replicate regular non-binary writing before when Etoiles encountered the fake Dapper and fake Tallulah (the book he showed Forever pictured below):

"My Dapper me na name" —> "My name is Dapper"

We know the Codes are constantly evolving and learning, so naturally their writing is getting better too (though we can clearly see 1s and 0s and other errors in "Flippa's" signs despite this).

But what's the Code's motivation in doing this?

In the past, we saw the Code(s) mimic Eggs because they wanted to attack and kill Presidential candidates— but that's a pretty recent development. Remember: before the elections, they were attacking the Eggs (though they also attacked Maximus and Cellbit at one point). The motivations of the Binary Monster(s) has always been unclear, and there's a lot of potential roads we could go down while theorizing, but in the interest of keeping this as relevant to the current discussion as possible, I'll focus on just one:

We have strong evidence to believe that the Binary Monster didn't want Islanders to stay on the island. It kept attacking the Eggs and leaving behind signs that said "Last Warning," strongly implying that it was trying to chase them away.

HOWEVER: shortly before the elections, QSMPGlobal tweeted an image of the Binary Monster above the Federation building.

[ Note: I thought I had this photo saved, but I didn't. I've been scrolling through their media tab for 5 minutes and Twitter crashed, so I'll have to add this photo later. It’s very late and I am so so tired. ]

This is the first time the Federation acknowledged the existence of the Binary Monster, and afterward, it said Islanders wouldn't need to worry about it attacking them. Why would the Federation suddenly acknowledge this physical embodiment of a mistake, an error, on their (supposedly) perfect Island?

The answer? The Federation took control of the Binary Monster. Why else would they suddenly deem it "not a threat"?

We could clearly see the Binary Monster deteriorating over time during the election arc. It looked shabbier and shabbier as time went on during the election arc. Something was clearly wrong with it (perhaps whatever the Federation was doing to control it hurt the Code in some way? Maybe the Federation experimented on it and made their own Binary Monsters?) But I digress-

The next time we see the Binary Monster after the Election ends is on Tazercraft's recent stream this week. Not only does it have a new upgrade (the strange OP sword Cellbit + Etoiles saw records of), it also ignores Richarlyson and opts to take a swing at Pac and Mike instead.

Now here's where things get really weird.

Earlier this week, we also saw the Binary Monster on Etoiles' stream. It didn't attack him, and instead leads him to a sharestone, which teleported him to a portal. He's given this image, then is kicked from the QSMP with the message: "The Nether Awaits."

So what does this have to do with JuanaFlippa?

...Well, that's the question, isn't it?

This is where things start getting murkier. I want to draw our attention to two specific things Flippa said before she left:

"It's not safe out there for me."

"Please keep this a secret."

The Binary Monster has already proven time and time again it's a force to be reckoned with. Why would it need to hide? Is it so that it can get closer to Charlie? (And if so, why? To mimic him? To get information?) I think a likelier answer is that the Binary Monster is trying to hide from the Federation itself.

Perhaps whatever the Federation did to shackle it— whether they experimented on it or copied it or whatever— left it damaged and weak. Or perhaps it isn't damaged at all; it just needs to lay low and needs someone else to do its dirty work for it (like sending Etoiles on a quest to find that strange shield in the Nether).

Unfortunately, a lot of this amounts to speculation because we simply don't have enough information yet. (It's also very very very late for me, so this analysis is purely driven by sleep-deprived madness and love for QSMP lore and JuanaFlippa).

Whatever's going on, we need to be very careful and think carefully about this being's motivations. Like Cellbit said: "Eyes always open."

Anyways, feel free to share your thoughts in the tags or comments or whatever, it's always fun hearing what people think of my analysis posts. You can find other analysis posts in my QSMP Info and QSMP talk tag.

#QSMP #JuanaFlippa #Slimecicle #Binary Monster #Code Monster #i talk #qsmp talk #QSMP Info #Anyways. Bedtime #I'm so frickin sick because of how sleep-deprived I am but I will NOT have the motivation to do an analysis writeup later #QSMP analysis

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oathkeeper-of-tarth · 3 months

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Am I using my general tech aptitude and knowledge to mod this one specific game to utterly self-indulgent bits and play it as all my faves? Perhaps, perhaps.

The tiefling kids robbed her and then taught her gang signs it was hilarious.

#look at this angel #she is so beefy i love it #dame aylin #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #mods #gratuitous screenshot spam go go go #anyway this is like a tweak of a mod of a mod and it's kind of a wip but i'll maybe do a writeup when i'm done #built her as vengeance paladin with war cleric dip for the selune dialogue tags and such btw #fun times

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mizartz · 8 months

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I am dreaming of a mod that is So self indulgent

#danny phantom #danny fenton #cujo #don't starve #don't starve together #dst #blob ghosts #i have a whole writeup for a potential danny mod i have spent far too much brain power on it asdflsdfkjh;klfjd #maybe i will post the design doc if ppl are interested #and a PSA for my danny phantom followers: I am Actually a DST modder. i have the ability #but not the free time so alas #it shall remain a dream

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ceramicteapot · 1 year

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they told me "nobody loves you".

but then my friends saved me a seat in class. my sibling accidentally bought two cups of coffee even though I'm hundreds of miles away. my grandmother still wears the scarf i gifted her one December in the late 2000's every winter. my mother put her life on hold so i didn't have to pause mine.

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heysawbones · 6 months

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Let's Talk about Xyrem.

Xyrem ("oral sodium oxybate" or the sodium salt of gamma-hydroxybutyrate) is used in the treatment of narcolepsy, as well as (sometimes) idiopathic hypersomnia. Even if you don't have narcolepsy or any related conditions, you may find this run-down interesting. Here's why:

Gamma-hydroxybutyrate is roofies. That's right. Date rape drug. Right here.

The drug is so tightly controlled that there is one pharmacy in all of the United States that can fill it. Doctors must be approved and participate in a special program to even prescribe it.

Nobody really knows how it works in the treatment of narcolepsy.

I was prescribed Xyrem quite some time ago - at this point, nearly a year back. It took six-plus months of insurance, doctor's office, and central pharmacy wrangling to get the drug to my door. The whole time, I wondered: what should I expect from Xyrem? How do I know if it's working? How do I know if it's not working? What's it like? Lists of side effects and contraindications are readily available online, but I couldn't find a single detailed testimonial. This bothered me.

I've been on Xyrem for about a month and a half now. Here's what I can tell you about it.

You have to wake up at night to take a drug that's meant to improve your sleep. Everybody I explained this to found it funny. The standard practice is to split your dose in two - to take one half at bed, and the other half two to four hours later. If you're on Jazz Pharmaceuticals brand Xyrem and not the generic, they send you a tiny little alarm clock with a light on it to facilitate this. I have never needed it.

It takes 3 weeks to titrate up to the "full" dose, which is also the maximum dose. From there, you can titrate back down to a lower dose if you're experiencing unpleasant side effects. I'm in the process of doing this myself.

It doesn't necessarily knock you out. From the way the drug is described, one might get the impression that the moment it kicks in, you're going to be unconscious. I didn't find this to be the case. Your mileage may vary; I don't always fall asleep at all on the first dose, but it does at least get me sleepy enough to fall asleep on the second.

You have an unusual amount of agency in how you take Xyrem. This surprised me, especially given how tightly controlled possession of this drug is. For example, I metabolize Xyrem really fast. If I take it in two doses, I will sleep a maximum of 6 hours. I take the same amount of medicine and split it into three doses instead to compensate for how fast I metabolize it. That way, I'm more likely to sleep about 8 hours. This isn't just accepted, it's encouraged. You can even take a bigger dose first and a smaller one second, or vice-versa. The only hard and fast rule is: do not go over the max dose.

If you take it with alcohol, or within 4-6 hours of alcohol, it could kill you. A lot of drugs warn you not to take them with alcohol. I cannot stress enough that if you have ignored that warning in the past: do not ignore it here. Do not. Xyrem is a powerful CNS depressant. Alcohol is a CNS depressant. It really can kill you.

It works(?) Like many drugs that act on the brain, nobody is really sure how Xyrem works. It doesn't affect the most common (known) cause of narcolepsy (a lack of orexin/hypocretin). It's theorized that the drug acts on GABA receptors in a way that "consolidates" the fragmented sleep architecture of narcolepsy.

Narcolepsy can be thought of as an autoimmune disorder of sleep architecture. The sleep architecture of a narcoleptic is irregular, both within itself and from night to night. People with narcolepsy tend to have less of the deep sleep stages than they should. Narcoleptics also have a high percentage of stage 1 (light) and REM sleep. It's theorized that excessive REM occurs because it is of poor quality/does not serve its intended function, so the brain spams REM in an attempt to compensate. A diagnostic trait of narcolepsy is the ability to enter REM within 8 minutes of falling asleep - if sleep architecture is normal, this does not occur. While not all people with narcolepsy have cataplexy, cataplexy itself is actually REM intrusion into waking life. The narcoleptic brain is that screwed up about REM. Xyrem appears to regulate shifts between sleep stages and reduce the nightly percentage of REM sleep. I used to dream nightly. Subjectively, I do not dream at all on Xyrem.

The only difference between Xyrem and Xywav is salt. A full 9g dose of Xyrem contains 1,640mg of sodium. The maximum sodium intake recommended by the American Heart Association is 2,300mg. One of the few things I saw said about Xyrem prior to taking it was that it was disgustingly salty. It is very, very salty. I don't mind it, though. I've seen it said that Xywav tastes much worse, but I can't attest to that.

Subjective experience

Xyrem comes Priority Air Mail in a sizable cardboard box. An adult with ID must be present to sign for it. The first month's prescription comes with a light-up alarm clock. This kit and all subsequent kits come with:

The medicine, in however many bottles are required

A number of syringes, marked with common doses

A number of pill bottles

You put water in the pill bottles. They tell you to put about 60ml, but as far as I can tell, this is to make the saltiness tolerable. I made a little game of this - I try to put the same amount of water in each pill bottle, gauged by nothing but sound. I've gotten pretty good at this. I have my nightly dose split 3 ways. After adding the drug to the water, I close each bottle and swirl it a bit. I don't know if this actually does anything.

Xyrem works best if you're already tired when you take it. Hilariously, I have ADHD in addition to narcolepsy. Nighttime sleepiness isn't a thing I Do naturally. Consequently, the first dose of Xyrem only puts me to sleep about half the time, and it takes a while even when it does. I know myself well enough to know that if I wait until I'm actually "sleep for the night" tired to take it, I might be up until 3 or 4 AM. Instead, I take the first dose at around 11 PM. Even if it doesn't put me to sleep, it DOES make me sleepy enough that the dose I take 2-3 hours later will definitely work.

I was very careful to set alarms the first week or so of taking Xyrem, but I've never needed them. For reasons that are unclear to me, I always wake up when Xyrem is fully metabolized. Without more Xyrem, there is no urge to go back to sleep. When I've run out of doses for the night, I'm up for the rest of the day. There's no napping.

Some people have pretty nasty side effects with Xyrem. Headache and nausea are the most common. I had both of those, once each. The headache lasted all day but was otherwise unremarkable; the nausea was genuinely awful. The only persistent side effect I have, is tremors.

While I was waiting for Xyrem, my sleep specialist put me on Adderall. Nobody would prescribe this for ADHD, but you'll do it for narcolepsy? Sure, whatever I'll take it. I mention this because I thought it was possible that Adderall was causing tremors. I ran a little experiment: I took Xyrem but no Adderall one day and still had tremors. I took Adderall, but no Xyrem the night before, and the tremors subsided. It's definitely the Xyrem. While this is a known possible side effect, I can't find any information on how or why Xyrem, a CNS depressant, would cause something that seems very much the opposite of a depressed central nervous system. I am currently titrating back down from the max dose in an attempt to see if a lower dose will mitigate the tremors. If that doesn't work, I'm not... entirely sure what to do. Xyrem is a weird drug. It's strange not to dream at all; it's strange to wake up twice a night and still get better sleep than I ever have. Executive function has improved considerably, given that both neurological issues that cause executive dysfunction are being treated. Still: the tremors are, I will not lie, distressing. Not as bad as they were on Wellbutrin, which I was forced to discontinue! But - disruptive and distressing, nonetheless. I'm hoping that the tremors will stop eventually, or that dose adjustment will help.

Overall: would recommend if you have narcolepsy. You wouldn't think that a drug that obligates you to wake up multiple times a night could improve your sleep! Well, bucko, if your sleep architecture is already so disordered that you have narcolepsy: it can.

#I said I'd do a writeup on xyrem and here it is #took a long time because xyrem is weird #xyrem #narcolepsy #idiopathic hypersomnia #xywav

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boxturret · 19 days

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George's 1/10th scale Mata Nui Tour

This is a follow up to my previous post about a piece of concept art that depicts the island of Mata Nui as being 1/10th size it is officially listed as in most later maps.

I must first say that I was blown away with the positive reception that post received! I did see some concern that it was now too small, but I believe that's mainly down to how absolutely MASSIVE the final size is. A 90% reduction in size by no means makes Mata Nui small.

But I know not everyone has spent as much time obsessing over the size of Mata Nui as I have, so I decided to enlist everyone's favourite Ta-Koronan George to help illustrate how large this "small" Mata Nui really is.

I scaled the image of Mata Nui so that it matches the measurements on the side, so it is roughly 35km long and 17km wide. I also made a simple height map to get the Mangai volcano the appropriate 2km high.

I started out with just some simple pegs at the locations of the villages to first illustrate the basic distances.

George here starts out at the location of the iconic beach from MNOG and the end of QFTT

The beach is actually shockingly equidistant from most of the villages, Ta-Koro is closest at 2km, Ga-Koro is second closest at 6km, but the other 4 are all between 11 and 13km from the beach!

Here's a little animation to show the size of the pins, they're by no means small.

They had to be this big to be visible at all, which just goes to show how large the island still is even at 1/10th scale.

I did several shots of George standing on the edge of the Mangai's caldera. I extracted the villages from Bionicle the Legend of Mata Nui and scaled them accordingly, placing each of them where the village should be. See if you can spot them!

From the top of Mangai its 20km to the tiny islands at the very tip of Po-Wahi.

And 13km to the end of the chain of islands in southern Le-Wahi

The view of the Mangai volcano is quite impressive from the villages too. Even at this 2km height its still around 2/3rds the height of Mt Fuji or half the height of Mt Kilimanjaro.

My heightmap could use more work, the Ihu mountain range isn't really apparent, I was mainly focused on getting the Mangai at the right height.

Here's what it would look like if Onu-Koro wasn't underground.

I hope these visuals helped to show the size of the 1/10th scale Mata Nui. I really do feel it it more in line with what we see from most media and fits well with the story.

Even with this size there's one thing to remember: Raw size isn't everything. Terrain matters a lot. Its easy enough for someone now to walk a kilometre or two over straight paved roads, but considering that Mata Nui is a lush volcanic island, half the place is covered in a jungle full of massive trees and swamps, much of it is very hilly and steep, this isn't an easy place to get around in.

I'll leave you with two things: first is an old animation I made of a zoom out from Tahu on top of the full final scale Mata Nui:

youtube

This is the most I can really do with an island that scale, blender doesn't appreciate having a view distance in the hundreds of kilometres while also rendering something human scaled.

Second is a comparison between the island I've just shown you overlaid on top of the full scale.

The whole island itself has a footprint roughly the same as the full scale Mangai volcano!

Hope you all enjoyed George's vacation photos. Good night and/or happy May :^)

Slight addendum: A while ago I made this little sketch of what a view from the top of Ihu might look like, looking at all the regions. Just wanted to include it. good night

#bionicle #hypothesis #writeup #Mata Nui #George #Youtube

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romulusfuckingroy · 8 months

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no because imagine being roman roy, spending your whole life hearing how useless and fucked up and broken you are from both your dad and your siblings, growing up knowing you’ll never amount to anything.

and then the unthinkable happens. your brother fucks up. loses his claim to the throne. you’re suddenly in pole position to take over… you think, until your sister who’s not even in the fucking company reveals that it’s her.

okay, fine, it’s not like you don’t know your sister is smarter than you are, it’s fine. except… then she loses it, and your dad gives it to some outsider, some random woman from a completely different company. it starts to feel like he’s sort of desperate to give it to anyone but you.

the woman quits after some events that you get the sparknotes of while flying home from being held fucking hostage. someone has to go to prison, and it’s your brother for some fucking reason. you’re alone again. so maybe…?

but no, your dad’s just calling you to tell you to go find your sister. he asks you if she’s solid, he trusts you to make that determination, and you say yes because you love her. so it’s suddenly her again.

and then the unthinkable happens again. your siblings decide to rebel. this is your one fucking shot. but suddenly they’re goading you into joining them, and you… agree, because you fucking love them, fuck, you really do. no matter how many times it fucks you over, you love them like a dog loves the child that keeps pulling its tail.

(when you get to your dad’s hideout he tells you that the heir will be you if you abandon them right now. you have no evidence for or against this. you’re starting to feel like he’s just dangling it in front of you to get you to do what he wants. (you’re right, but you’re not quite aware enough to fully realize it.))

so… it’s none of you, and that’s… fine. the world doesn’t end. time goes on. you decide that teaming up is kind of… nice. you have plans, real fucking solid plans. except… your siblings swerve sideways and start specifically trying to fuck over your dad instead of just… working together to build something.

they goad you into it, obviously. they’ve always had the ability to make you do things you don’t want to do. except for one factor that’s out of their control…

dad says he needs you. you. roman.

so you’re back on team dad. he was right the whole time anyway. and he respects your opinions (you believe), like with mencken. you’re ideologically allied (he’s indoctrinated you).

he dies when you send him one fucking lousy voicemail about how shitty it felt firing your… your… gerri.

your dad is dead. your dad is dead and the last thing he ever told you to do was fire gerri. which… which you did, so at least you can rest easy knowing it was you, you were the best child after all, he finally saw you deserved the company.

except kendall’s name has a line through/under it, and you’re not fucking mentioned. fucking greg is mentioned, but not you.

you tell yourself shiv’s right. it’s crossed out. you tell yourself that for a different reason than she does. you were so sure it was gonna be you. after everything he fucking put you through. it had to be you, right?

deep down you’re sure it’s an underline. and you’ve never felt more useless. more like a manmade mistake.

you can fucking be like dad, though. you fucking fire two senior women- one of them gerri, again. you let kendall do whatever the fuck his manic ass is up to- dad seemingly trusted him, so fuck it. you try to tank the deal with matsson, because you can do this. you can run waystar. you always fucking could. fuck anyone who says different.

you put your reputation and waystar’s prestige on the line for a fascist presidential candidate, because that’s something you and dad agreed on. that’s when you felt like he was actually fucking proud of you. shiv throws a hissy fit, but fuck her, okay, she’ll never fucking understand the bond you had with dad. no one can.

you… make a bad call. well- you don’t make a bad call, everyone thinks you made a bad call. mencken deserves to win! why is it such a big fucking deal?! you’re on top of the world, about to deliver a banging eulogy and swoop in and take the company from matsson’s grubby little hands.

and then your uncle speaks. and then you get up to speak. and then you cry. and fucking kendall logan roy gets up there and delivers a better speech than you ever could. and then so does siobhan.

you find out mencken betrayed you. your brother tells you you fucked everything up, and he’s not joking around like usual. you think about that fucking piece of paper, that fucking line. well, fuck this. you get beat up a bit for old times sake and then fuck off to barbados.

but they find you there. they beg and plead for you to come back, to vote with them, they need you. you’re with your mom in barbados, finally having time to just… breathe and think, and your siblings come back and try to goad you into coming back, into putting everything you are on the line once again, for fucking kendall’s benefit alone, pretty much.

…

you go with them. they’ve always had the ability to make you do things you don’t want to do. especially when you try to back out- come on, gerri’s there for god’s sake- and your brother pulls you close like a boa constrictor and hurts you the way you like it until you yield.

you get why his name was (you believe) underlined. it was never you. never.

because you’re roman roy, and there’s something really fucking wrong with you, and there always will be.

#succession #writeup #can I have the number one roman understander award now pls #roman roy #kendall roy #shiv roy #logan roy #long post #finn.txt #sorry I was Feeling things

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glassofpumpkinjuice · 4 months

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new pics from good things fest 2023!

#fall out boy #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #andy hurley #what a nice writeup

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flickering-nightfall · 8 months

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getting a little destroyed by classes and other things at the moment, so i'm not posting as much. but here are some itties i drew on my notes to keep myself sane :)

#the cloaked one is my babygirl (gender neutral) kindred disparity #btw hey anon who sent me the walking iterators ask. if you're reading this #i'm sorry it's taking so long. i've been wanting to answer it for ages but i need to draw for it #and post something else before it #i did a big writeup for it too hahah #flickerdoodles

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