↟ ⚘ 𖥧 South Park college headcanons 𖥧 ⚘ ↟
excuse my janky ass formatting and disorganized notes 😭
KENNY
✦ pansexual
✦ PLAYBOY. INSANE RIZZ
✦ body count is insane he just thinks its funny though
✦ actually really really sweet and considerate
✦ never fixed his gap tooth 🫶
✦ always remembers birthdays
✦ scars everyyywhere like Everywhere
✦ haphazard wolfcut that he trims himself bc hashtag no money
✦ full ride scholarship, works his ASS off on schoolwork and two jobs and yet still has time to party
✦ literally nobody knows how he does it
✦ still loves wearing big jackets, doesnt get a lot of new clothes often so almost all of his shit is hand patched up
✦ supremely unlucky (trips and shatters phone screen ass shit)
✦ angel wing tats on shoulderblades
✦ LOVES weed. does not drink at all
✦ probably has done LSD and shrooms
✦ parents are extremely proud of him, he doesn’t go home very often but keeps in touch
✦ got them a phone so that they can text him!!! he saved up for a whole year to get it bc he missed his sister
✦ pierced his own ears also gave himself snake bites
✦ pierced stans ears (stan cried)
✦ small smattering of freckles! only come out in the summer
✦ doesn’t hang out with stan as often on his own bc he doesnt like how bad his drinking has gotten :(
✦ loves decimating cartman in call of duty
✦ listens to BROCKHAMPTON and doja cat (and ABBA but only with butters)
STAN
✦ raging alcoholic
✦ existential + clingy drunk
✦ grows stubble really fast, shaves when he feels like it
✦ eyebags for dayysss
✦ beauty marks! has a lot on his face and shoulders
✦ smokes weed w/ kyle and kenny (cartman isn’t invited anymore bc he hogs the blunt)
✦ only gets his schoolwork done wasted because he cant get himself to do it sober
✦ PTSD + severe depression
✦ bisexual as fuck my god
✦ emo LMFAOOOO wears a lot of muted tones, ripped jeans, sweaters, hoodies. so many beanies
✦ also smokes nic 😔
✦ probly a business major
✦ tried hookups, doesnt really care for them
✦ plays bass!!
✦ internalized homophobia but its okay hes growing
✦ had/has a phase where he’ll bleach and dye his hair and the rest of the gang look forward to it bc its always something new (always keeps the black roots)
✦ really bitter about just. everything
✦ STILL hates medical shit and hospitals got alcohol poisoning and REFUUSSEDDD to go kyle was frantic
✦ so many random ass tattoos including a paw + date memorial tattoo for sparky :((
✦ gets really anxious when not drunk
✦ listens to tally hall, will wood and mother mother
KYLE
✦ keeps his hair at a tameable length bc he tried growing it out a little in highschool and it just went up and outward. never again
✦ got fed up one day in senior year and completely buzzed it. it was that week stan realized he was bi 💀
✦ not reeaaallly jewish anymore respects tradition but rlly could care less
✦ SO. MANY. FRECKLES.
✦ pale asf burns if he sees sunlight
✦ flushes TOMATO red when he gets even a little flustered or nervous and its so funny
✦ occasionally will accidently speak like his mom (whatwhatWHAAAT) and proceed to death glare anyone who looks like theyre going to comment on it
✦ hides his face in his hands when he gets embarrassed to replace his hat which he used to use the side flaps to bury his face in (it makes him feel hidden)
✦ weekly facetime calls with ike to see how he is because he misses him so much
✦ undeclared for like half the college experience
✦ uncomfy at parties, ends up usually tailing stan and kenny to them but only if stan comes
✦ childhood crush on stan he still hasnt gotten over 😔
✦ really likes working w/ kids but you would NEVER guess by looking at him
✦ massive fucking growth spurt hes an absolute 6’5 twig
✦ ADHD as fuck gets overwhelmed by schoolwork a lot, stan helps but hes really bad at directions when hes drunk so it doesnt really go anywhere
✦ anger issues, still HATES cartman, only tolerates him around bc hes funny sometimes to laugh at also hes rich and all of them could benefit from that lmao
✦ gets into fights still, got into a lot in highschool and less so in college but still seen as a hothead
✦ not buff but can absolutely hold his own
✦ still likes painting :) does it in his own time bc he feels like a sissy (his own words) stan loves them and has like 3 of his paintings either at home or in his dorm
CARTMAN
✦ college dropout LMFAOOOO
✦ his family is just. rich
✦ his mom remarried this fucking crazy rich dude so he still lives w/ his mom
✦ forced to go to community college
✦ actually has lost weight! not too much but he got fed up with it and is at a healthier size, his mom keeps trying to push mlm diets on him though 💀
✦ twitch streamer, keeps getting banned for slurs, not necessarily a lolcow, closest example i csn think of would be like uhhh jake paul mixed with schlatt? he has a pretty genuine following but. SO many haters
✦ kenny occasionally joins him in streams over the summer when he doesnt have schoolwork (chat LOVES him)
✦ has every console
✦ has also probably broken every console
✦ a LITTLE more compassionate, gives the rest of the gang fat checks for their bdays (probably to make himself feel like he has a moral compass after how much hes bullied kenny for being poor)
✦ still listens to kanye west 💀 and to drake or any other popular rapper
CRAIG
✦ obsessed w space + NASA
✦ majoring in that field, always busy with like. hardddd work (finds it interesting though he speeds thru it. autism is one helluva drug)
✦ plays so much minecraft. probably has built an accurate scale solar system on there
✦ autistic as fuck
✦ voice is less nasally but he has a flat affect
✦ ceiling stars in his college dorm. he put them up the first day
✦ one of the only kids to still wear his hat, or at least a new hat thats so similar to his old one
✦ beanies will suffice if chullo is dirty
✦ unlike stan, he actually has soft and not gross hat hair
✦ space tattoos + a woodstock tattoo (they remind him of tweek so much he had to (tweeks matching))
✦ still dating tweek, right out of college they move in together
✦ smuggled a cat into his dorm junior year
✦ def listens to tv girl
✦ that one hot quiet dude in every class and when girls find out hes dating tweek (its so obvious he has them as his lockscreen and his picture in his wallet) they are absolutely gobsmacked
✦ completely unphased by this, kenny had to tell him that girls were into him for him to notice
✦ follows space discovery news like a boomer with politics, if a new planet is discovered he will not shut UP abt it
✦ knows a suspicious amount about astrology despite saying he doesnt care abt it
TWEEK
✦ to match w craig tweek has a TINY snoopy tattoo he almost cried while getting bc he was so nervous
✦ severe OCD, CPTSD, and anxiety from his entire living situation
✦ found out abt the meth situation in middle school, massively traumatizing
✦ lived w/ craig for a while while court proceedings happened
✦ had to go to rehab after the arrest bc he went thru withdrawal
✦ substance free for the last 5 years!
✦ took him a long time to seperate coffee and meth as sononymous, drinks decaf and sweet coffees now bc he does like the taste
✦ incredibly easily scared and really jumpy, calms down completely only around craig and is at ease with all of his friends, with strangers he gets overwhelmed so quick
✦ hes pretty bad paranoia over poisoning in his food and drink, craig usually will take the first bite or sip to help him feel better
✦ got into cooking so he can make his own meals from scratch, loves meal prep! (hes rlly rlly good. so tastey)
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