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glorystark · 15 days

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Empty eyes | Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean doesn't take Charlie's death too well and because of the Mark of Cain affecting him, he tells you things that will regret.

Warnings: moc!Dean Winchester, Dean being a dick, minor mentions of injury, swearing, ANGST, major character's death

Pairing: Dean Winchester × reader

Featuring: Sam Winchester

Word count: 2,3k

We watched in agony as Charlie's body, wrapped around a white sheet, burned in the flames. This should never have happened to her kind soul. She died so we could save Dean. I couldn't help but feel guilty; my heart ached because I lost a friend, again. I knew Sam felt the same. We both asked Charlie for help with the Book of the Damned, and we both lied to Dean about the book being destroyed. Now it was too late to make things right. Memories flashed through my eyes, making me tear up. I remembered when she helped us with the Dick situation, or when I taught her some hunter-kind-of-tricks. How happy she was and wouldn't stop thanking me. She didn't deserve this, anyone but her.

“Charlie,” Sam started, grabbing my and probably Dean's attention. “We are gonna miss you. You're the best.” He stopped when his voice cracked, and now I was sure he felt far worse than me because looking back, he suggested not telling Dean about the Book of the Damned not being destroyed, which I didn't agree with at first. But seeing Dean, my Dean, slowly fade away right in front of my eyes changed my opinion. Maybe it was selfish, me and Sam both were. But we couldn't let Dean become something he fears, a Monster. We couldn't lose another person, another family member, but we didn't realize who we were putting in danger on this path.

“We love you, Charlie, and I'm so sorry,” I said, blinking through tears.

“Shut up,” Dean said coldly, making Sam and me look at him. “You got her killed. You don't get to apologize.” He continued.

“Dean-“ Sam started, but Dean cut him off.

“You too, you two are the reason she is dead,” he said, not taking his eyes off the flames.

“We were trying to help you,” I said, still looking at him.

“I didn't need help,” he said bitterly. "I told you to leave it alone.”

“What were we supposed to do, just watch you die?” Sam asked, not letting me be the only one receiving the cold tone from his older brother.

“The mark isn't gonna kill me.”

“Maybe not, but when it's done with you, you won't be you anymore,” I stated. “Dean, you're all we got. So of course we were gonna fight for you because that's what we do,” I said softly.

“Yeah, she's right, we had a shot-“ Sam was cut off again by Dean.

“Yeah, you had a shot. Charlie is dead.” He finally turned his head to look at me and his brother, who was standing next to me. His dark emerald eyes bore into mine, and I couldn't recognize them. Never have I ever seen him look at me with those eyes. Because no matter how much crap we went through, he always made sure I was fine, and his eyes held nothing but sweetness and, on most occasions, worry. “Nice shot.”

“Are you even listening to me? You think I'm ever gonna forgive myself for that?!” I snapped, not being able to keep my voice down anymore. He is grieving, but so am I. If I could, I would trade places with her.

“You know what I think,” he started, still with the same voice tone. “I think it should be you up there and not her.”

I felt my heart break for the hundredth time today. I parted my lips, not taking my teary eyes off him, which clearly showed how hurt I was. Sam let out a small gasp and widened his eyes after he heard Dean's words, clearly not expecting his brother to go that far.

I knew he blamed me, probably even more than Sam. But knowing that he wanted me dead hurt more than any physical torture I've experienced.

Sam called his name, still shocked after what he heard, but his brother just walked away, breaking my heart more and more.

—————

It has been a week since I lost Charlie, since I lost my Dean. He has been searching for the Stynes ever since but has been having a bit of trouble finding their location. So meanwhile, he went on a few solo hunts. He hasn't said a word to me and to Sam, just a few like ‘buy some beers’ ‘did you find anything about the Stynes’.

He found another hunt for today and was packing his bag in his own room. We both haven't stepped in our shared room ever since the accident, which meant we weren't even sleeping on the same bed. I'm done with being ignored, so I knocked on his door and opened it without waiting for any response. He didn't even turn around, probably knowing it was me.

“Dean,” I called his name, not even knowing what I wanna talk about, but getting him to look at me was the first step. “Dean,” I called, this time louder, and when he still didn't turn around, I walked towards him and grabbed his arm. “Alright, I'm done. When will you finally stop ignoring me?!”

He looked at my hand, which was grabbing his arm, and slowly turned around, finally looking at my face. “I'm not ignoring you, I just don't want to talk to you or be near you,” he said bitterly, pulling his arm away and reaching for his door.

“Dean, you know you're not the only one who lost someone, okay? And believe me, I know it's my fault she's gone, and I'll never forgive myself for that. But, god, you're practically killing me. I miss you,” I said desperately, waiting for something in his eyes to change, waiting for him to embrace me in his strong arms, but... Nothing. His eyes didn't even hold hatred anymore, just emptiness.

“I don't know what you expect me to say, ‘I'm sorry you were so stupid’ ‘I'm sorry you got another person killed off’ ‘I'm sorry you're so fucking useless’ Huh?! Is that what you want me to say? You want me to feel sorry for you?!” he yelled, showing the anger and darkness in his eyes while he harshly slammed me to the wall, making me whimper slightly. His words cut deep into my skin, but I tried my best to ignore them, knowing this Dean wasn't really my Dean.

“I want you to understand, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I want you to tell me that we're gonna go through this like we always do,” I said softly, looking deeply into his eyes, trying to crack him.

He let out a dark chuckle and grasped my shoulders, lowering his head to be on the same height level with me. “You want me to tell you that we're gonna go through this? Well, baby, in that way, I'd be a big liar.”

“Dean, me and Sam, we are so close to saving you. Please, just don't let the mark control you,” I begged, feeling small under his touch.

“I don't want nor need you two saving me, and believe me, at this very moment, I'm trying to not let the mark control me, so don't provoke me,” he whispered against my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"I thought you trusted me.”

“Well, that trust was destroyed when you got someone who was like a sister to me killed. Have you ever noticed how many innocent people died because you were being too stupid?” he said harshly.

"We all have made mistakes, Dean," I said, as I thought about the hunts where innocent people died, and I couldn't save them. I didn't want Dean to know how much his words were affecting me, but, god, I felt like a crumpled paper.

“Seems like that's the only thing you ever do,” he smirked, letting his eyes fall on the floor again before looking up at my eyes again. “Tell me, how does it feel knowing you don't mean anything to anybody and you're just a burden in our lives? How does it feel knowing nobody loves you?”

That's it. That was the punch line to make me break into tears.

“Y-you love me, you said that before.”

“You know I lie to get laid,” he said, smirking, proud of his response.

My heart was racing more and more, and I felt nauseous.

“Dean, please-“

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing!” he grabbed my cheeks harshly. “Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.” he said, spitting the words out before letting me go. He took his bag and walked out of the room, not even glancing at me. I slid down the wall as I started sobbing silently.

Then I heard a buzz from my phone.

New message from Sammy:

“Y/N, Dean just said he found a hunt, probably three to four werewolves, and he told me to go with him. I was really surprised but didn't question him. I think he's getting better. I'll also talk to him on the road. Next time, he'll definitely ask you too, just like old times. Don't stay up and don't worry; we got this :) love you.”

He asked Sam to go, but not me. If he hadn't told me that he hated me a few minutes ago, I'd think he was worried. But if it was really 3 or 4 werewolves, there's nothing to be worried about. He just wants to stay away from me. He told me I was a burden to them; he'll probably throw me out of the bunker soon.

Dark thoughts ran through my mind, and suddenly a rush of anxiety ran through me. What if there were more than a few werewolves? What if they get hurt? What if Dean hates me even more?

I checked Sam's message again and saw that he sent me the address of where the werewolves' location is and where the hunt would probably take place. I quickly rushed to my room, grabbed my car keys, and went to drive to the location.

—————

I was hiding behind some of the trees in the forest, watching as each of the boys fought one werewolf, two already dead ones on the floor.

Everything seemed good so far; I mean, their guns were on the floor, but they were fighting each werewolf single handed and there was no need for me to make my presence known. The boys were winning as always. And that's when I realized they don't really need me in their life. I knew the words that came out of Dean's mouth tonight weren't really Dean's, my Dean. But he was somehow right; before I became the hunter I am today, I made many mistakes. Some were small, and some led to people getting hurt or even killed. I also put their lives in danger multiple times because I was being reckless. Finding the demons that killed my parents blinded my vision. I was ready to get back to the bunker when I saw both of the werewolves giving up until I noticed something.

A werewolf close to Sam's back, and it seemed like none of the brothers noticed him. I searched for my gun but remembered I forgot it in the backseat of my car. I cursed under my breath and did the only thing possible right now to save Sam. I couldn't let Dean lose another person, especially his brother, who I knew meant the world to him. I couldn't put him through something like that again when there's a chance to save the younger Winchester.

So I ran towards Sam, trying my best to not slip because of the woods on the floor. The Werewolf was close, and nobody noticed him. I'm not the only stupid one after all. The boys turned their heads to me for a slight second, surprised at my presence, but didn't stop fighting the other werewolves.

Until I pushed Sam away from the werewolf he was fighting onto the floor. He seemed confused at first, until he saw it. I assumed Dean did too but couldn't be too sure since he was behind me. I let out an agonizing scream when the werewolf grazed his claws into my stomach and the other one, which Sam was fighting before, grazed his claws into my back before my lifeless body fell on the floor. Dean didn't hesitate more seconds before getting his gun from the floor and shooting all the werewolves.

I was bleeding like a waterfall from my body and my mouth. But the good thing is-

I didn't feel any pain, or anything in that matter…

Dean Winchester’s Pov:

No no no.

This can't be happening.

It's all a nightmare, just another stupid nightmare.

I heard Sam's crying voice telling the love of my life, his best friend, to wake up, holding her torn apart body in his arms, asking her why she pushed him away. But there was no answer.

It's a nightmare happening in real life.

Her beautiful y/e/c are open but so empty, unrecognizable.

I stood over her body, not being able to move from my spot.

There is so much blood everywhere.

Her blood.

This is hell.

No, I’ve been to hell and it's worse than hell.

I started tearing up more and more, reality hitting me more every second.

I let out an angry scream and fell on my knees when I remembered my last words to her.

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing! Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.”

She wasn't nothing, she was my everything.

She mattered, she was the reason I kept going, now she's gone and it's all my fault.

All my fault.

All of the words I said came back to me, making my chest hurt.

As I knelt beside her lifeless body, surrounded by the aftermath of our shattered world, I whisper into the silent abyss, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm so sorry."

And deep down I felt the Mark laughing…

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glorystark · 17 days

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Mr Barnes | teacher!Bucky Barnes x student!reader

Summary: Your English English teacher finally finds out why you’ve been failing your classes and he isn’t disappointed.

Warning: TEACHER X STUDENT, smut, age gap (reader is like 22 and Bucky like 30), fingering, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected sex (don’t do this), language

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

You entered the class sighing hoping that he wouldn’t come today. You didn’t see him the whole day which was a good sign that he hadn’t come to school today. You took your seat which was in front of his desk which didn’t help the anxiety rushing through you. It’s not like you didn’t like your English teacher, no it was quite the opposite. It wasn’t easy to be taught by a hot college teacher who you assumed was about ten years older than you. You are always distracted by him and constantly the thoughts of him inside you, that you can’t even concentrate on the lesson anymore. You knew it was wrong but you just couldn’t get rid of the feeling.

You hoped someone would walk in the classroom, telling everyone that your teacher wouldn’t be here today, but all your hopes were ruined when Mr Barnes stepped into the room closing the door behind him, slightly smiling at everyone. He took his seat and said good morning which you all answered back as well.

”Alright guys before we start today’s lesson, I need to talk about your last test and your grades. This class is divided into three groups. There is group one with amazing grades and great participation in class, there is group two with good grades and ok participation in class and then there is group three, which well pretty much sucks” He chuckled and everyone laughed.

You already knew in which group you were. You weren’t a bad student at all, in fact you were a great student. But you sucked in English and he was the only reason why.

“Now” he said as he rose his hand to run it through his soft looking hair and his long fingers slipped between the strands. You imagine your own hand in his hair while he his fingers move in and out of you furiously. Just thinking about it you could feel the wetness between your legs, you squeezed your thighs harshly gritting your teeth. “here are the results.”

He started handing the papers out and as he handed you your paper, he smiled softly and his fingers brushed against yours making you jump slightly which made him frown.

“You alright miss Y/L/N?”he asked kindly

“ Y-yeah I'm fine.” you stuttered, he nodded his head walking off.

The rest of class was practically torture. You desperately trying to push away some certain thoughts while he was talking. You tried your best to concentrate but failed miserably, like always. When the bell finally rang you were one of the firsts to stand up and made your way towards the door until Bucky called your name.

“Hmm Y/N can you stay for a bit, there is something we need to discuss about.” you mumbled a 'ok' turning around, cursing in your head knowing you were in trouble because of your grades. You waited until the class was cleared out and once it was Bucky closed the door and walked over to you.

“ Y/N” the way he said your name made your core throb and you gripped the edge of the nearest table tightly. “I have been noticing your participation in my class hasn't been so great lately and your grades...” he slightly shook his head. “Is there any problem I can help you with? It's really surprising that your grades in my class are failing even though you are such a great student. I talked to your other teachers and English seems to be your only problem.”

You didn't know how to respond, I mean what are you supposed to say ' I'm sorry I can't stop thinking about you fucking me hardly on your table till I can't walk and that's why I'm failing your class.'

“You know you can tell me what's wrong, I can help you out.“ You know he can but he’s definitely are not thinking about the same solution as you. His eyes bore into yours as you let out a soft pant. “Tell me.”That's when you noticed you were standing closer than before.

“It's nothing Mr- Mr Barnes, I have been a bit distracted lately that's i-it.”

“ I can help you if you want, extra classes?” he said as he placed his hand on your shoulder and his hot washed over you which caused you to let out a small whimper. You slightly widened and bit your lip. You noticed a darker shade of his blue eyes and you knew he understood what was really going on.

“ I should l-leave.” you tried to make your way towards the door but he grabbed your hand. “Y/N you are not going anywhere right now.”

“But Mr Barnes-“

He cut you off by placing his lips on yours making you widen your eyes, again. His big hands gripped your waist and he pushed you against the wall, his lips moving hungrily against mine. You gripped the front of his shirt tightly, pulling him against you, your tongues battling with each other. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him into you further.

He pulled away for a moment, his teeth into your bottom lip before letting go. You were both panting slightly looking at each other with lustful eyes. You couldn't believe your everyday fantasy was actually happening.

“ I should have known it was me.” he slowly ran fingers along your jaw. “the reason why you are doing so bad at my class.”

He leaned in smirking, his hot breath washing over your ear, his hands squeezed your breasts lightly over your t-shirt as his tongue flicked across the shell of your ear.

“Tell me doll have you ever imagined this before?”

His lips slowly made their way to your neck and he made sure they brush every part of your skin on their way. He started sucking a bruise onto your skin and you let out a moan, finally being able to run your hands through his hair.

“ Because I have.” he mumbled into your skin, surprising you with his words. “ I have imagined you like this so many times, pushed against the wall looking at me with those eyes.” His hands slid down your torso under your skirt and he skimmed his fingers across the silky material of your panties. You moaned, bucking your hips ever so slightly into his hands. “I have noticed you sometimes biting while staring at me with those eyes but I didn’t expect you were thinking like that.” he let out a soft chuckle “Tell me doll have you ever touched yourself with the images of me in your head ?” his fingers played with the edge of the crotch of your panties.

“Mr Barnes please-“

“Bucky.”

“ Yes Bucky I have, please touch me.” You begged desperately making him smirk.

His fingers pushed aside the material and skimmed across your clit. You gasped and pushed your hips forward, wanting him to push his fingers deep inside you.

“So wet?” he asked, making a 'tsk' sound with is tongue. You let out a gasp as his thumb began rubbing your clit in a circular motion. And without any warning pushing two fingers into your throbbing core making you moan loudly.

“Now doll I would love to hear you scream but we can’t have anyone find us.”

You nodded gripping his shoulders, wanting to feel his bare skin beneath your palms. You undid the buttons of his shirt with some difficulty and placed your hands on his bare chest.

“Fuck” you mewled, as his the speed of his fingers increased. He grinned, and curved his fingers to hit a spot that sent made you arch into him, your mouth falling open as you cried out. His hand covered your mouth. “Shhhh” he softly whispered.

You moaned as softly as you could as his actions continued to send bursts of pleasure shooting through every nerve in your my body, and you desperately bucked your hips against his, wanting to cum so bad.

“You close doll?” He asked looking deeply into your eyes. “Are you gonna cum on my fingers?” You could only nod knowing you can’t make any sounds at the moment.

“Let go, cum for me.”

“Bucky I- fuck I-“

“Do it.” He said, his fingers moving with incredible speed and your stomach clenched as your hands slid to his back under the shirt, and you held on to him for dear life.

So you did. Bucky’s hand covered your mouth again as you moaned against it, bucking your hips as you came, your toes curling, your eyes rolling back into your head, and his name falling from your lips along with a few profanities. He pulled his fingers out of you and you sighed, your head falling onto his shoulder as you tried to catch your breath. You could feel his erection in his jeans resting against your thigh. He took your chin on two fingers and made you look up at him.

“Satisfied?” He took your chin in his hand.

“Not until you fuck me.” You said as you removed his shirt completely. He smirked letting you reach for the buttons of his pants. You pulled them down along with his boxers, making his erection spring free. He groaned softly at the freedom, and you felt my eyes widen at his size.

“Surprised?” He asked ironically but you didn’t answer.

“Fuck.Me.”

That’s all he needed to hear to remove your t-shirt and skirt. Then he took your hand and let you to his desk, lifting you up so you were sitting on it. He placed his hands on either side of you and kissed you roughly, his tongue slipped between your lips and tangling with your own. You whimpered slightly and he pulled away.

“You are so beautiful.” He smiled sweetly at you before gently taking off your bra and panties, his hands brushing against your skin, sending chills all over your body.

He took his cock in his hand, pumping it slowly. He hissed and his brow furrowed.He spread your legs apart positioning himself at your entrance, he slowly pushed in, taking his time to fill you in, making sure you adjusted well.

You both hissed as he settled within you and he took one breast in his mouth, he began moving. You gripped the back of his neck as he sucked harshly on your nipple, while massaging the other breast with his large hand. His skin slapped against yours and you cried out softly, chanting and moaning his name as every part of your body came alive with pleasure. Your nerves were on fire and your my mind empty of every rational and coherent thought, Bucky taking over your very being. His thrusts were fast and hard, and he was grunting against your skin as he kissed you, your neck, sucked on your collarbone, your breasts and let his hands all over your body.

“Damn it, you're so tight” he panted, his mouth hanging open. “Fuck, this is better than every time I imagined it.”

So he really did think of you like this too. The very thought made you gasp and you tightened your grip on him, purring in his ear.

Bucky’s thrusts were becoming irregular and sloppy, and you felt the familiar knot in your stomach yet again. Your moans and movements were becoming more desperate as you wheeled closer and closer to the edge, and you kissed each other roughly to hold your loud screams in. What you were experiencing was hot and raw, full of a passion and hunger that took your breath away, something you’d never experienced in your entire life.

“I'm gonna cum-“ he gasped. “Yes, fuck, yes.”

Bucky’s cock twitched inside you and he cried out slightly louder than he should have, as he shot ropes of white hot cum within you, moaning your name andgrunting and swearing and goddamn, it was everything you’d imagined, except a thousand times better. His face was red, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, sweat beading on his forehead, his hair a mess, lips swollen, eyes rolled back in pleasure and his mouth forming a perfect ‘o', soft pants and your name coming out of his mouth. You knew you weren’t reacting any different, just moaning his name. But he didn’t stop after he came, making sure to send you over the edges too and just a few seconds later you tried your best to not scream too loudly while you came for the second time, this time around his cock.

He pulled out of you and you whimpered at the loss of his cock within you. He dropped to his knees, and gripped you thighs tightly, forcing your legs apart. His tongue furiously attacked your clit, sucking and nibbling ever so lightly on it occasionally, you squealed and wound your fingers in his hair, snuggling his mouth further into your core. Your thighs tried to clamp themselves shut around his face but he forced them apart with his hands, and you came for the third time that afternoon. You panted and cried his name, your hands tightening in his hair as you thrusted my crotch into his mouth, and his tongue continued its work till you were spent.

He pulled away and stood up as you came back down floating from your incredible high, breathing hard. He kissed you, but this time it was softer, gentler, less urgent. He pulled away and you saw his eyes were back to the sparkling blue they really were, and his smile was light but genuine. He stroked your cheek with his thumb once before dropping his hand and walking away to retrieve you clothes. You put them on in silence, and your mind was whirling with what had just gone down. You’d had sex with your teacher, and if someone found out, you could get into endless amounts of trouble. So could he. It was so wrong, but you didn't remember feeling this amazing in a long time. It might be wrong but it felt right.

“ So” he said, breaking the silence. “ I think I should apologize for being such a distraction for you. Not my intention.” He turned to smile at you, one end of his mouth curling upwards. You insides warmed up as the smile lit up his face and your heart melted.

” I think you sort of made up for it.” you mumbled shyly, straightening your hair with your fingers.

“ Hey how do you feel about Saturday going out with me for Coffee.”

“Mr Barnes-“

“Bucky”

“Bucky, if we go out people may see us together and we can’t risk that..”

His face fell but he still smiled slightly and you immediately felt bad. “ You are right, I could lose my job and you could lose your education, I’m sorry for asking.”

You felt terrible but smiled back and walked towards the door placing your hand on the door knob.

"Wait Y/N.” he said, and you froze. “Er, if you come over to my house, I could make you lunch or something. And that way, we don't have to worry about people seeing us.”

You smiled, but your heart went into overdrive at his words. The thought of being alone with him, in his house.

"I mean, only if you want to..." he said, and in his voice, you could sense that he was already thinking you’d refuse. So you turned around and smiled at him.

"That sounds okay." You nodded and Bucky smiled.

"Great." He said, grinning. “See you tomorrow, Miss Y/L/N . Don't be late for class or I may have to call you to stay back once more."

“ I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.” You smirked before getting out of the classroom ignoring the butterflies in your stomach…

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #teacher x student #the avengers #marvel #mcu #bucky smut #bucky barnes x smut

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glorystark · 19 days

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His Saviour | Part 1

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: You disobey one of Steve's orders in a mission but you don't think about the consequences...

Warnings: (TRIGGER WARNING!) mentions of self harm and suicide, mentions of killing and torturing, pure Angst no happy ending, mentions of injures, dark!Steve Rogers, swearing, minor spoilers of Black Widow, Steve being an asshole in general

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Featuring: The original 6

Disclaimer: please don't read this if you're not comfortable with any of the topics below or/and if they trigger you. This is just a fiction and it's never ok to act like this. I'm not romanticizing any of these topics and this behaviour!

You are sitting in the Quinjet, observing everyone who is injured in different ways. Natasha has been stabbed in her right thigh, Clint’s left ankle has been twisted, and Bruce, although not injured, appears exhausted due to a significant code green call, during which Nat almost lost him trying to retrieve him. Thor has a few scratches on his face. Everyone’s faces show bruising in different areas, and their bodies are still aching. But you, you have been injured the most. Your right wrist is broken, and you have been shot in your left leg, though the bullet wasn’t deep and didn't cause major damage; otherwise, you probably would have passed out by now. You still have trouble breathing, and your voice is sore because one of the HYDRA agents almost choked you to death. Your face is bruised, you can only open your right eye halfway, and your lips are swollen. The numbness has made it so you can barely feel any pain. When everyone saw you upon returning to the jet, they were extremely worried. You didn’t possess inhuman powers and weren't a super soldier, but you used to be a well-trained assassin and spy in the Red Room, closely partnered with Natasha Romanoff before joining S.H.I.E.L.D. So, it was surprising for the team to see you so battered, though they understood the mission was challenging.

Everyone needed a break upon returning to the tower. Initially, everyone thought it was a straightforward mission: infiltrate a high-security HYDRA base, get two flash drives containing vital and dangerous information, and exit. What no one knew was that it was a trap, with far more agents present than expected. Eventually, you managed to escape, but only securing one of the flash drives.

As everyone settled back in the jet, Bruce finished removing the bullet from your leg and bandaging Nat’s thigh. Thor bragged to Tony about his usual lack of injuries on missions, joking that he could have taken down all the HYDRA agents that day if he hadn’t been 'unlucky', which elicited laughter from Tony. Clint checked on Nat while she recounted a memory from Budapest. Meanwhile, you contemplated going home for a long shower until you noticed Steve, whose eyes were fixed on you with intensity. Confused, you assumed he was lost in thought, but you were wrong.

“How could you be so reckless?!" Steve's voice boomed through the jet as he stood up from his seat, his gaze piercing into yours. Everyone stopped what they were doing, surprised by his uncharacteristically loud tone, given his usually calm demeanor, even when upset. You looked at him, uncertain of what to say. You understood why he was angry; you had disobeyed an order. However, if not for your 'disobedience,' you wouldn't have acquired half the information you have now. To you, this seemed like Steve Rogers throwing a typical Captain America tantrum.

“Well, are you going to answer, or are you too stupid to respond to a simple question?" he growled, advancing toward your seat.

“I wasn't being-" you began to mutter, only to be interrupted by Steve.

“Speak up," he demanded, his voice cutting you off. You met his gaze, puzzled by his demeanor.

“I wasn't being reckless; I was being thoughtful. The-" you tried to explain, but Steve interrupted again.

"Thoughtful?! You call that thoughtful?! Really, Y/n? It's clear you don't understand the difference between stupidity and thoughtfulness.” he retorted.

“Will you stop interrupting me?" you interjected, your voice growing louder as you rose from your seat. You locked eyes with Steve, standing almost chest to chest in front of each other.

“I wouldn't have interrupted you if I knew any useful words were going to come out of your mouth," he countered, finally yelling, causing everyone but you to flinch.

“You have no right to yell at me like this, Steve.” you asserted, standing up for yourself.

"I have EVERY right to yell at you, you-" he began, but you cut him off this time.

"Why are you making it seem like I committed a crime? Yes, I agree it was wrong for me to enter that room alone, but I retrieved the flash drive we needed, didn't I?" you challenged.

“That is not the point right now. The point is, I'm your captain, and I gave a strict, direct order not to enter that room, and you disobeyed me.” he stated firmly.

That was all true. When you disobeyed his order, you knew he would be angry, but not to this extent.

You sprinted down the hallway, incapacitating every HYDRA agent in your path. You tried not to use your gun too often, knowing there would likely be guards in the room.

"Steve, I found the room," you said through your earpiece. You subdued the agent guarding the room where the flash drives were, and as the door swung open, more than twenty HYDRA agents stood before you, blocking your view of the drives on the computer table.

“Y/n, what did you just say? Get out of there now! Do you even know how many agents are in there?" Steve's urgent voice echoed in your ear.

“I do now," you replied, still facing the agents, who were also eyeing you cautiously.

"Y/n, this is an order. Get. Out. Of. There. Now.” Steve commanded, his tone almost a shout.

“Sorry, Steve, but people's lives depend on this.” you declared, charging toward the agents, disregarding Steve's pleas for you to retreat.

“Steve, I really don't understand what the big deal is. I got one of the drives, and yes, I went alone, but at least I obtained something that will help us.” you reasoned, taking a seat.

“Alright, y/n, I'm definitely sure now that you are deaf. You entered a room with so many HYDRA agents-" he began, only to be cut off by you.

“They were like 10 and they were really weak-" you defended.

“They were 27 trained assassins!” he corrected, making you widen your eyes.

"And do I need to remind you that your leg has been shot, and you can barely keep your eyes open, not to mention the rest of your injuries." he added mockingly.

“Okay, Steve, I get it, and I'm sorry for being reckless. Can we let this go now?" you pleaded, sitting down.

“Let this go?!" he started laughing, though his laugh lacked any humor. Everyone looked at Steve, unable to believe his behavior. They never expected him to speak to you this way, especially in front of the whole team.

You and Steve had been friends since meeting during the Battle of New York. You had a lot in common and quickly connected. A few months later, at one of Tony's parties, he kissed you, and the following day, he asked you out. It had been six months since then, and Steve treated you like a princess. He called you his savior because you helped him adjust to life after being thawed from the ice. He adored you. You had a few minor disagreements, but they were hardly fights, more like disagreements. You could never stay mad at each other, and now you couldn't believe the man who was laughing at you and humiliating you was the same person.

"Steve, I think that's enough," Nat finally intervened, her voice calm yet firm.

"Is it really? I think baby y/n hasn't learned her lesson yet.” Steve retorted sarcastically.

“Fuck you, Steve. You can't speak to me like that. I'm not a kid. If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't even have that one drive, and god knows how many people could have died. But you can't even realize that because I disobeyed ‘Captain America's orders,' and no one is allowed to disobey America's 'hero.' The only kid between us is you!” you shot back, your voice rising, though not as loud as Steve's had been.

“I'm a kid, y/n? Really? And what are you, a hero? Do you expect me to thank you now? Do you expect all of us to be on our knees thanking you?!" Steve challenged.

“That is not what I said!" you finally snapped.

The tension in the room escalated, and the team grew more uncomfortable by the second.

Steve smirked at your angered state.

“What's the matter, y/n? You seem a little bit defensive. I thought you liked being a hero. You know, because of the guilt, since you started killing and torturing people at the age of 8.”he said, still wearing the hurtful smirk on his face.

The whole team gasped, especially Natasha, whose story paralleled yours. You looked at Steve, unable to believe what he had just said.

“You seem shocked, Agent y/l/n. Oh, and Natasha, don't take this the wrong way. We all make mistakes in our life, but at least after we realize our mistakes, we try to make them up as soon as we can and not run away like a coward.” Steve continued, ignoring your reaction. You and Natasha widened your eyes, understanding what Steve was referring to."Steve..." Nat began, but Steve cut her off.

“I'm not done yet. Some of y'all look confused, well, let me explain it for you," Steve said, addressing the rest of the team.

"Steve, don't." you murmured, your voice weak now. You weren't even sure if anyone heard you, and you were right. No one heard you, but Steve who chose to ignore you.

“Our dear y/n y/l/n was a well-trained assassin back in the years with Natasha Romanoff in a place called the Red Room, which I'm sure you've heard about. Before even Natasha was out of there, Agent y/l/n found a way to leave the Red Room, a way to save every girl, from children to adults, who were mind-controlled into killing, and even worse. But do you know what she did instead?" he turned around the room, looking at everyone as if it was a show. No one said anything; they just kept looking between you and Steve. It was getting harder for you to focus on your breathing.

“Well, in case you haven't guessed yet, she just left everyone who could've been saved, even her best friend who is sitting right here with us.” he said, pointing at Nat.

“And even though she could've killed Dreykov, who was the leader by the way, with her genius plan, she didn't because she was a coward.” he said, emphasizing the word coward.

You've never felt so small and betrayed. You couldn’t believe he was using your awful past against you. When you confided in him, he comforted you, assuring you it wasn't your fault. That you’ve been through a lot and you took the only chance you had to save yourself. And now… now he was a different person.

“Cap that’s enough, it’s not our business what she did in the past. We all did something in some point that we aren’t proud of. She made up for that mistake many times now, since the battle of New York until today’s mission. I’m sure she still feels guilty and you’re just making it worse.” Tony looked at your trembling sight, standing up from his seat and walked towards Steve. The rest of the team nodding along, glad that Tony stood up for you because they were frozen themselves.

“Oh yeah Tony, you’re right I’m sure she feels guilty, don’t you y/l/n?” He looked at you as if you were a kid

Everything about him was hurting you right now. His voice tone that humiliated you in every way, his eyes that sent daggers to your way, his body that was intimidatingly towering yours, his smile which always made you happy and now it was only mocking you. Your throat is dry, your eyes are wet and you feel like your heart is going to come out of your chest in any second. You were hurt and unwell, and everyone could see that, everyone but Steve.

“Agent y/I/n do you feel guilty about your past?" He repeated his sarcastic question.

"I wouldn't worry about that too much since you have a good way to cope with your guilt right?" He continued.

You looked up at him frighteningly, understanding where he was going.

“Steve don't you dare." you whispered, finally being able to say something.

Everyone was confused since they had no idea what you both were talking about.

“you seem scared agent." Steve smirked at you sending shivers down your spine. It hurts so much more that he wasn't even using your name anymore, he felt like a stranger to you.

“SHUT UP!" you had never yelled so loud in your life, the whole jet shook. Everyone flinched but Steve. It seemed like he was waiting for this.

“Come on y/n are you that afraid of everyone knowing how you used to deal with your problems, or do you still do it?"

Everyone was quite once again, something in them wanted to know what Steve was talking about but they also didn't because of the way you reacted.

You looked at him not saying anything but your eyes were begging him to stop. You've never been in such a vulnerable position, especially considering everything you’ve been through.

“oh don't tell me you're gonna cut your wrists open again because you feel guilty you didn't get the second driver."

Everyone froze and widened their eyes, silence filling the jet. No one knew that you used to harm yourself until you started dating Steve, he was the first person to ever know. You felt so comfortable around him that you didn't want to have any untold secrets.

You thought about what if you guys break up but you convinced yourself that even if you guys separate your ways from each other at some point, you're definitely going to stay friends and he's never going to tell your secret to anyone because you believed he was a good man. You trusted him more than yourself and now he proved you all wrong.

You didn't cut anymore, because you found a way to save people. If it wasn't for Nick Fury, making you join the team you'd be long gone by now. But you didn't have a reason anymore, you were happy you had a new family and a new job, everything was perfect for you. Now you felt alone all over again and you didn't even blame Steve, you blamed yourself. You failed.

You started trembling more and started to see black spots. The team walked towards you to see if you were okay. Thor pushed Steve away, "Stay away from her," he warned, before walking to you. You heard Tony and Natasha yelling at Steve, Clint trying to calm them down but looking angry himself, Bruce and Thor asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t hear anything anymore. It was so loud, but you only heard annoying mumbles. You let out a sob before passing out in the strong arms of the god, the last thing you saw being Steve's worried eyes…

A/N: This was my first (published) fan fiction. I apologise for any writing and/or grammar mistakes considering that English isn’t my first language. Feel free to correct me! If you enjoyed this, please let me know and let me know if you want to be tagged in the upcoming posts! (This fic will make a twist;))

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glorystark · 23 days