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seospicybin · 2 days

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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART IV

Hyunjin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Hyunjin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (13,8k words)

Author's note: Enjoy the last, LAST chapter of THTH8 and the final season of THTH. 🥲

"The person leaving the retreat is Hyunjin."

The first thing Hyunjin does is check for you, he cares for your feelings more than his own. He's crushed hearing his name being called out but he can't imagine how it feels for you.

The whole you both standing next to each other, you've been putting a brave face on yet you break into tears the moment he pulls you into his hug.

"You have continued to put your physical urges before emotional connections," Lana says.

He's hugging you so tight because it will be the last time for him to do so until you both meet again, perhaps, outside of the retreat.

"It's okay. I'll be outside there, waiting for you," he assures you, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head.

"Trust me," he convinces you with a tender caress on your cheek.

He has to let go of you to bid farewell to everyone else, his heart is getting heavier for every moment he shares with these people rushes through his head as he gives them a goodbye hug. In the end, he doesn't even remember the bad, he only remembers the good ones.

"Hyunjin, please leave the retreat," Lana says.

He walks back to you for the last goodbye, he wipes the tears rolling down both of your cheeks while putting on a smile for you even though his heart is breaking for not being able to be with you to the end of the retreat.

He kisses your forehead and fondly holds you by the jaw, "I'll see you soon, okay baby?"

You nod with your eyes red and pooling with tears, not able to say anything back to him without breaking into tears again.

"I'll see you soon," he says again with another kiss on your cheek.

He takes a few steps away and then turns around to look at everyone for the last time, like it or not, he finds friends in them and thanks them in his heart for the memories he'll cherish for life.

Especially you, thank you to the lovely and the achingly beautiful you.

With a bittersweet smile, Hyunjin turns around and then leaves.

HYUNJIN: I feel like I've already won with her but at the same time, I've got to go, [heavily sighs] leave this retreat without her.

With your eyes blurry with tears and your knees trembling, you wouldn't make it to the bedroom without Edie's help. "Come lay down," she says, guiding you to your bed and helping you get onto it.

She then sits on the edge of the bed, puts a pillow on her lap, and lets you rest your head on it.

"Oh, my God. I can't believe this," someone else says with a shaky voice and you can tell that it's Vic.

There are so many hands rubbing your back as you keep crying, sobbing into the pillow.

To say that your heart aches from Hyunjin's departure would be an understatement. It feels like someone has stabbed you right in the heart and twisted the knife over and over again.

"Hyunjin's gone," you croak in between your cries, saying those words only makes it unbearably painful.

You roughly wipe your eyes open and can finally see the girls gathering around you, offering their presence and their comfort to you.

"And I can't do anything about it," you croak then drop your head onto the pillow and sob again.

Edie comforts you by softly patting your head and putting away the hair stuck to your wet cheeks.

"Oh, God..." you breathlessly sigh while clutching your chest, "I'm going to miss so much."

"I know," Edie says, wiping the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.

Vic finds your hand and squeezes it so tight, she knows she can't help you with anything but being here for you.

"It's going to be okay," a voice says behind you and you look over your shoulder to see Saskia there, landing tender caresses on your back.

How is it going to be okay when your heart breaks into smithereens and Hyunjin takes the pieces away with him? How is it going to be okay when you feel like you're losing a part of yourself? Are you going to be okay at all?

YOU: Obviously, I thought I would have more time with him [sniffles]

In the morning, your heart breaks all over again.

Waking up alone on your bed not only reminds you of your heartbreak but also reminds you that it's real, he really is gone and yesterday was not a dream.

The pain is there, telling you that it's all real.

You drag yourself up and sit with your back against the headboard, and have a sip of water as if it would lessen the stinging pain in your chest.

Noticing that your eyes are blank and looking sad, Edie jumps onto your bed, snuggling up to you and putting her long arm across your chest.

"I'm so happy that you stayed," she mumbles.

Her words warm your heart, and you respond with a caress on her forearm and a smile.

The bed creaks as someone else joins the two of you, also cuddling you from the other side of the bed.

"All of us are happy that you stayed," Saskia says, correcting Edie's earlier remark.

"We'll have the most amazing time," she mutters to you.

It already feels weird waking up without Hyunjin but that doesn't mean you're closed yourself off from having fun.

"Okay?" Edie asks, her big eyes looking right into you.

And it's not fair for other people to have to deal with your somber mood which indirectly affects them too.

"Okay," you answer with a nod and a smile.

It's sweet that they're making sure that you don't feel alone or left out in the retreat. Your partner may have gone but you've been given a chance to continue your journey and time to progress.

"Thank you," you mutter to both of them with a grateful smile.

Edie nuzzles her head further into the crook of your neck, "I love you," she cutely mumbles.

After all, you're not alone on this journey of self-discovery, you have these people you're sharing the journey with.

YOU: I'm thankful that these girls are so supportive. I think everyone here has been very kind and wonderful, I'm lucky.

It does feel weird being here without Hyunjin.

He'd always find you when he has nothing to do and vice versa, and when you're not together, you would find him in just a turn of your head, not far from your sight. You feel each other's presence whenever one of you enters the room.

The connection you have with him is one-of-a-kind, one that you haven't had with someone in a long time.

If he were still here, you wouldn't be alone for the upcoming workshop this afternoon. It has a nice setting with the sunset in the background and every couple has a table for themselves, you end up third-wheeling Remy and Saskia.

There's a cooking station set in front of everyone and not long after, someone enters while waving her hands high at everyone.

"Hello, my loves," she cheerfully greets everyone.

Everyone welcomes her with a round of applause and some cheers. She looks vibrant in her colorful outfit and pink bandana, a smile never wears off her face as she stands in front of everyone for her introduction.

"My name is Rita and I'm a chef," she announces.

"I'm here to teach you how to heat things up," she pauses as his eyebrow raises in intrigue, "and cook."

Rita looks like someone who gets along with everyone just fine, she has that happy-go-lucky vibe going and an infectious smile.

"But I know all of you are more interested in the heating things up part," she says, having some wits in her too.

YOU: I like Rita. She's such a sweet person. She brought a wonderful energy.

The previous workshops were about touching, sexual energy, emotional connection, and now, cooking which is great that you get to experience something different, completely new but not less helpful and educative.

"I think when you cook for someone, it's a sign that they're nurturing their love for them. Nobody cooks for people they don't like, right?" Rita says as she walks around to see everyone face to face.

"Well, unless you plan to poison them," she jokingly adds.

You're not great at cooking but if you have to rate your skill, you can safely say it's average, below average even so it's nice that you have the chance to improve that skill.

"I also think it's important to know that when we cook, we also add our energy, our passion, our love to it."

You find yourself nodding and agreeing to her words, because everything comes back to the intention of why you do something in the first place, if you do it out of love, that person will feel it.

"Seducing through food is a great ace to have up to your sleeve," Rita says with a sly smile, making everyone giggle in response.

She walks back to her cooking station and gets behind it, she puts her hands on the shiny surface to continue talking.

"Me personally, I would fall in love with someone who says something like 'I'm cooking for you today," she says.

Rita starts by taking bowls of ingredients she has prepared and puts them on top of the station. She then scans everyone and her eyes stop at Vic and Edouard's table.

"Come here, you, love!" She points at Edouard.

Edouard looks around thinking that she's talking to someone else and awkwardly gets up from his seat once Vic assures that it's him who got called to the front. He gets picked to cook the appetizer with Rita.

"I will teach you to cook for her," Rita tells him, "Something delicious like you."

She's making Edouard stirring the ingredients she puts inside the big salad bowl all the while explaining the process to everyone.

"We need something crunchy," she says, walking to the back to get something.

She then returns with a bowl of peanuts and puts some into the salad bowl, "You know what? Peanuts make you horny."

Edouard chuckles as he carefully tosses the salad, "We can't get horny here," he says.

"Oops! More peanuts then," Rita cheekily adds more peanuts into the bowl.

Once they finish, they plate it together and have Edouard deliver it to everyone's tables. It tastes sweet and sour, so refreshing, and what you love the most is the whole texture of it. Rita is definitely making it easy for everyone because even if you followed the recipe and everything, there's no guarantee that it'll taste this good.

For the main course, you get the honor to cook it with Rita. You're more than glad to make yourself useful and put your mind off things, and also to let Remy and Saskia have the table for themselves.

The first thing you do as you get behind the cooking station is check the ingredients and try to guess what Rita is going to cook with them.

"Why are you by yourself?" She asks you.

You politely chuckle and answer, "Lana sent my man home."

"Why?" She curiously asks.

"We spent too much money," you shyly reveal.

"How much?"

You never really calculated how much money you've spent until she asks you, "About 70 grand?" You give her a rough calculation.

Rita lets out a gasp and her eyes widen in surprise like a cartoon character, "Girl, what did you do?" She asks with a gentle shove at your shoulder.

"Spicy stuff, mostly," you playfully respond.

She takes your hands and holds them as she looks at you, "You look like a good girl but you're pretty naughty, huh?"

You nod, admitting her words with a shy laugh.

Rita is a great teacher, she gets you through each step with so much patience and you try your best to keep up with her as she tosses ingredients as she pleases. She checks the food once in a while to make sure it's well-seasoned and thoroughly cooked.

"What's the key ingredient in all food?" She asks you out of the blue.

You have to stop stirring the sauce on the pan to think of an answer, you're torn between a philosophical answer and a forthright answer.

"Love?" You settle on the former.

Rita's smile wavers a little, "I was thinking salt but yeah, okay, that too," she jokes.

You continue with the cooking while everyone else laughing at your answer but you don't feel offended at all, if anything, it feels good to make them laugh.

"Love means salt in food," Rita says as she adds a pinch into the saucepan.

You finish your task by delivering plates of food to everyone while Andy and Remy deliver cocktails they made together.

Once you're done, you come back to your seat at the table and have a bite of the food you cooked. It tastes better than you imagined, it's even better because you cooked it, and somewhat rewarding.

YOU: I think we can apply a lot of what we've got in this workshop to our lives. I really believe that when you cook for your partner, they can feel what you're trying to express to them.

Since Edie is a vegan, Rita calls her to the front to cook her meal together while everyone is busy having their main course.

"I know you're vegan so I'm making something special for you," she says to her.

"Thank you," Edie sweetly mutters.

"Everyone deserves to eat. How could I leave you out?" Rita kindly says.

Frida is handed the task of preparing the desserts for everyone and gets to decorate the plates together with Rita. As for you, you just can't wait to have a taste of it because it looks so appetizing.

When the dessert finally gets to you, it's so beautifully plated that you don't want to ruin it, but at the same time, you can't wait to dig into it.

"Can I save some for later?" Saskia asks Rita who's watching everyone eating her food well.

You take a moment to look at everyone to see how everyone is truly enjoying their food and you believe it's because Rita cooked it with her positive energy, passion, and love as she said.

This one made it to one of the most memorable moments in the retreat.

Seeing that everyone is close to finishing their desserts, Rita gets to the front of the station and clasps her hands together in front of her.

"I'm here to talk to you about love and one of the most sublime lessons I've learned in life is to spread all the love I have inside," she says with a smile.

She looks at everyone from left to right and continues talking, "Some people paint, some people dance, some people sing, well, I... I cook. I found myself like this, and I think finding ourselves is a good part of life," she says.

Everything she said is so heartwarming that you find yourself smiling listening to her talking which is exactly what you need after a torturous day you've had yesterday.

"This is the only one of many beautiful moments you'll have from now on, whether it's around the kitchen, on the dining table, or lying on a bed," she says with a grin.

Rita takes a breath before continuing, "After all, the best thing in life is to love and be loved."

Everyone is applauding in agreement to her words and simply in gratitude for the food, and this valuable workshop she shared with everyone.

"See you, lovely people," she concludes the workshop with a hand kiss at everyone and her infectious smile of hers.

YOU: Food definitely brings people together. Everyone was laughing, everyone was interacting. They're enjoying the food and the company they're with.

The villa is empty since the couples are being sent on dates. Remy and Saskia left this afternoon, then Vic and Edouard left not long after them while Diego and Frida will leave later.

The rest of us are hanging out in the swimming pools and enjoying most of the retreat since it's getting close to its end.

"How are you feeling?" Andy asks, brushing his wet, blond hair to the back.

"Well, it comes and goes, you know," You turn over to lay on your back and stack your hands under your chin.

It's hard not to miss Hyunjin when you used to spend most of your days with him in every part of this villa. The pain comes whenever something reminds you of him and it goes when you remember his promise that he'll be outside waiting for you.

That's how your day goes with pain that comes and goes like the waves.

While waiting for everyone else to come back from their dates, you're getting ready for a party Lana is throwing tonight, probably the last one in the villa.

You're about to do your hair when you see Vic and Edouard coming into the room, holding hands and smiling ear to ear.

"Oh, my God!" Edie squeals in reaction to their return.

You put down your hairdryer and look at them, "How was your date, guys?"

Emilie abruptly stops curling her hair and joins in to grill the couple with questions, "Tell us everything!"

"We went on a boat, we had fun cocktails and talked," Edouard answers.

"It was romantic with the sunset in the back," Vic adds another detail.

Edouard glances at Vic before continue talking and licks his lips, "It seemed like the perfect opportunity to ask her something," he says.

Edie is flapping her hands in excitement, kind of guessing where the talk leads to.

"What did you ask?" Andy asks with his shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders.

"I asked her to be my girlfriend," Edouard answers with a big smile.

The girls are cooing in unison but you quickly hush them since the story isn't finished yet.

"And what did you say, Vic?"

Vic can't contain her happiness, she breaks into a wave of giggles and nods, "I said yes."

Cheers erupt in the room and everyone comes to the couple to congratulate them on their relationship.

"I've fallen for him so badly," Vic shyly admits.

Edouard is gushing hearing her sudden confession and pulls her close to his side. He then remembers something that he hasn't shared with everyone, "We also got a green light!"

As someone who has seen them from day one, you must admit that they've come a long way and you couldn't be happier for them. At the same time, it's hard to not get jealous of them, and even harder not to think of Hyunjin in a time like this.

YOU: I'm very happy for them but obviously, the only thing on my mind is Hyunjin. I just miss him so much [sighs]

Andy leads the toast to start the party, making everyone raise their glasses in the air, and shouts Lana's name out loud at the count of three.

"Here's for Lana!"

"Lana!" Everyone shouts and collectively takes a sip of wine.

You allow yourself to soak in this moment for you couldn't get it anywhere else, and these people you thought were strangers at first, now become your friends that you'll cherish for a long time.

It would be a lot more meaningful if you get to finish it with Hyunjin but alas, you're proud of yourself nonetheless to be able to get to the endpoint. You decide to sit the rest of the party and watch everyone dancing to the blaring music while quietly sipping your drink.

Frida joins you and leans in to ask you against the loud music playing, "How are you doing, my darling?"

You swallow your drink first to answer her, "I'm having a good time with everyone but I can't lie, I miss him."

Frida smiles and nods, "I can see that."

Everyone knows you're not good at hiding your feelings so it comes as no surprise that she can see it, "But it's normal, right? If anything it shows that my feelings for him are deep and real."

"Of course!" She shortly replies.

"I think about him and the memories we could've had. He's not only my partner, but he's also my best friend like... I don't even think about the physical stuff anymore. I genuinely miss him," you openly share with her.

You miss his cute morning greeting, you miss having conversations with him, you miss listening to his random ideas and you simply miss being around him. You miss him with your whole heart.

Someone lets out a scream and you almost jump on your seat, Frida is as startled too. Then everyone looks in the direction of the stairs that leads down to the beach and you turn your head to see someone appears.

"Who is that?" Edie asks in a panic.

No one can see who it is with the mysterious person wearing a hooded black cape and looking down to hide his face. The figure keeps walking and stops in front of everyone, slowly revealing himself by pulling his hood down.

"Oh my goodness!" You let out a loud gasp in reaction to his return.

It's really him, it's Hyunjin and he's coming back.

YOU: This is one of the happiest moments in my entire life. And he just looks so good in all black.

Hyunjin is ecstatic to see everyone's reaction to his return, especially you. You light up the second he reveals that it's him and you come running to him, throwing your arms around him to welcome him with a tight, warm hug.

He lifts you off the ground and holds you just as tight, feeling his heart getting less heavier the longer he holds you.

Realizing that there are other people, he slowly puts you down to give everyone else a hug as well.

"I can't believe it!" Edie exclaims, jumping on her feet while hugging you from the side.

Andy is still in disbelief as well, he roughly brushes his hair to the back and asks, "Are you staying, bro?"

"Yeah. Tell us what is going on?" Frida hesitantly asks.

Hyunjin uses the opportunity to explain what happened to him after he got sent home by Lana that day.

"As I got kicked out of the retreat, Lana decided to give me a second chance," he says.

"I went through a one-on-one workshop. It was intense but I learned so much about myself and it'll help me moving forward," he pauses in the middle to look at you, "especially with you."

You brightly smile as he points at you and you come to his side, hugging him with eyes that flicker as you look at him.

"Which is why I'm here," he says to everyone.

HYUNJIN: I'm back, baby! [Grins]

Hyunjin is glad to be back here.

He has had to work on himself, he changed his outlook on things but the biggest thing he's taking from the entire experience is that he has a genuine connection with you.

You take him by the hand to the bedroom to have some privacy so you can comfortably catch up with each other.

"You're back," you happily exclaim as you enter the bedroom.

You turn around on your feet and look at him, "Can't believe you're back," you say again.

He takes your other hand and pulls you into a hug, "I'm here baby," he assures you that his presence is real and not just your imagination.

"I missed you," you mutter with a long sigh, a sigh that lets out all of your worries and restlessness.

"Missed you too, baby," he mutters back. In fact, he never missed someone this much in his entire life.

You both stay like that for a moment until he takes you to sit on your shared bed. He endearingly brushes your hair to the side and holds the side of your face.

"How are you?" He softly asks.

"I felt like grieving a death these past couple of days," you answer with a sad pout, "what about you? You need to fill me in about everything."

"That day... So many emotions going through me. Confusion, anger, there was so much that I can't even explain it to you," he replies, letting out a sigh that describes how overwhelmed he was that day when Lana sent him home.

"Let me tell you when I was away, I missed everyone," he says, lacing his hand together with you on his lap, "but you were on my mind 24/7."

There wasn't a moment where Hyunjin didn't think of you, it was what kept him going and eventually earned his way back here.

A smile rises on your face and oh, how he missed it, that smile cures all of his sorrow away and replaces it with something that wraps his heart warmly.

"I'm so happy you're here," you say to him with a blissful smile that shows him how much you meant those words.

You crash yourself at him, burying your face in his chest as he hugs you close while putting soft kisses on the top of your head.

You look up at him and smile with your eyes closed, "It still feels like a dream to me."

The melodic chime shatters the tender moment and Hyunjin immediately breaks the hug to face the cone.

"What's up, Lana?" He asks the cone. He glances at you and you give him a puzzled look in return.

"Hyunjin, through your one-on-one workshop, you were able to access your true feelings about your partner, proving to me that your connection is more than skin deep," Lana says.

Hyunjin nods and keeps holding your hand on his lap as he intently listens to what Lana is saying.

"However, actions speak louder than words. Which is why you will both be put to the ultimate test."

Of course, the thought of being put into another test makes him nervous because the last time he had it, he lost everything. This time he's sure will be different, he has learned to control his urges and is more prepared now.

"A night alone in the suite."

However, a test is a test and it's not going to be easy.

"While I was absent, the total sum of your rule breaks was $90,000," Lana informs, "If you refrain from breaking the rules tonight, you will win back all the money for the group."

Finding out how much his reckless act costs him that night at the suite, he realizes how selfish and how big of a mess he made for the group. Now, he's given the chance for redemption and he has to take it.

He looks at you and says, "Time to repay our debt."

"I have gathered the rest of the group at the cabana. You must now tell them of your challenge," Lana orders.

He takes a deep breath and answers her, "Challenge accepted, Lana!"

HYUNJIN: It's going to be the hardest test for me but will all the stuff I've gone through in the workshops, I'll show how much I've improved myself.

As Lana said, everyone has gathered in the cabana and waiting for both of you. It feels so awkward standing facing everyone, it's like he's trying to admit a crime he hasn't even committed yet

"We have news for you guys," you start the talk.

Hyunjin takes his turn to continue while steadily holding your hand, "Basically, Lana told us that we've got a night at the suite," he announces.

He can see that they don't take the news well because the last time you and he were in that suite, all hell broke loose so why the final test has to be held there he guesses is what everyone reckons.

"This is the final test," he says, emphasizing the importance of it, "If we pass this Lana will give back $90,000 to the prize fund."

Everyone is cheering at the mention of how much money will be gained from it but the key to success here lies in whether you both pass the test or not.

"Lord, help us all..." Diego sighs loud enough for him to hear it.

He understands that some people are still skeptical about him if the workshops really worked on helping him with his physical urges. But that's the motivation he needs, it encourages him to prove them wrong.

"The only way to make you guys proud is to pay you guys back," he says.

"That's right," Remy says, nodding along to his words.

You look at him before looking back to everyone, "Wish us the best of luck?"

No one says anything and it's getting awkward with each passing second goes in silence.

"Well, we've got nothing left now so please, do us proud," Andy says, representing everyone as he said it.

You look at each other at the same time that you both crack into laughter, he takes your hand and waves bye at everyone to leave for the private suite.

"Oh, yay! We get to go to suite again," you lowly exclaim and giggle.

HYUNJIN: It'd be nice to pay the debt to everyone but when I'm with her, the tension goes... [whistles] through the roof.

It feels like a dream still that Hyunjin is here.

The second you enter the private suite, you turn around and hug him again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours and drinking in his natural scent that you didn't know you missed so much.

"Missed you so much," you tell him again and again because telling him once is not enough and even though you're with him, you're missing him still.

He hugs you back and kisses you on the neck, without warning, hoisting your body to take you to bed.

The suite is decorated similarly to the first time you got here, the room is dim and lit candles lined up on one side of the wall, rose petals on the bed, a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice, the sex toys and condoms are present and ready to use.

You don't need any more pointers to sex, the room itself reminds you of what you did the last time you were here. Not going to lie, you get butterflies from the flashbacks.

Hyunjin swiftly pops open the wine and fills the flutes with bubbling wine.

"Do you remember what we did the last we were here?" You playfully ask him.

He licks his lips after sipping his wine, making them wetter and redder like a ripe cherry.

"When I told you you were on my mind 24/7, our time in the suite is included," he shamelessly admits.

"Which one?" You ask with a sly smile.

"The second time," he shortly replies.

It's impossible not to think about it when you had sex in this very room, on this very bed and the person you did it with is with you. You can see that he's thinking of the same thing too and despite everything, it was special for both of you.

"It means that it's our third time in suite," you remark, hooking your fingers on the belt loop on his jeans.

He leans in and puts your hair to the side so he can place a gentle kiss on your jaw. With his mouth only an inch away from your ear, he asks, "And you know what they say?"

"What?" You lowly ask back.

"Third time is a charm," he replies with a smirk and another kiss on your cheek, a little too close to the corner of your mouth.

You refrain from sexual stuff just fine when you're alone but when you're with him, all of your senses and everything you learned in this retreat are out of the window. He has that much influence on you and that's what makes him dangerous.

"Should we make a toast?" You suggest, raising your glass to the middle.

"Sure."

You clink your glasses together and say, "The third time is a charm."

"Third time is a charm," Hyunjin repeats the words while devilishly smiling at you and his teeth faintly biting his lower lips.

YOU: We did it once but I'm afraid, it'd only make us crave it more [bites lips]

You stand facing the sink and carefully take off your earrings, then your necklaces next, unclasping them one by one while Hyunjin checks the bathwater.

He then walks up to you, noticing that you probably need his help, "Need help?"

"Help me with the dress, please?" You sweetly ask as you place all of your pieces of jewelry into the soap holder.

"Okay," he obeys, putting all of your hair to the side before slowly unzipping your dress. He parts it open, exposing your back to the cool night air.

"Want me to take it off of you too?" He offers with his knuckles lightly caressing your back.

"Yeah, sure," you answer.

Hyunjin looks at you through the mirror as he pulls the straps of your dress down your arms and instead of keep pulling it down, he pulls it over your head and you raise your arms to the air to make it easier for him.

You can hear his low sigh as he takes a look at the reflection of your naked body in the mirror and he doesn't hesitate to slip his arms under and around you.

"My baby is so beautiful," he murmurs with his plush lips on your shoulder and drags them to your neck.

It feels a lot more arousing as he's holding your naked body while still fully dressed, you can feel his rough clothing making friction with your skin with the slightest of his movements.

"Mind your hands, please," you remind him as his hands slide down to your thighs.

He immediately rests his hands on each side of your waist and kisses your neck before pulling away. While you're putting your hair into a bun, you quietly watch him taking his clothes off through the mirror.

He's a lot more attractive than the one you imprinted in your mind, you wouldn't say he's muscular but he has muscles in the right places and they contracted when he's taking his shirts over his head, sending his hair disheveled.

You hurriedly distract yourself, taking care of the bath and turning the faucet off. You check the temperature once more by dipping your hand into the water.

"Bath is ready," you announce.

When you look over your shoulder, Hyunjin is already standing behind you, naked. You suddenly get nervous at how close he is, you can feel the heat his body emitting.

"You need help to take it off too?" He teasingly asks, picking at the thin strap of your underwear.

"If you want to," you coyly answer.

Hyunjin surely won't skip the chance to get physical with you, you stand still while hugging yourself as he takes your underwear off for you. He slowly pulls it down until it's pooling around your ankle and you kick it to the side.

"Are you going to help me get into the tub too?" You tease with a sly smile on your face.

To your surprise, he lifts you newlywed style and gently puts you down into the tub, showcasing his strength and the muscles on his arms.

"Anything else I can help you with?" He sweetly asks.

You take his hand and pull him close, leaving only a few inches between your faces. Seeing him this close and not being able to kiss him is a real torture.

"Actually yes, can you get the wine, please?" You politely ask with a soft smile.

YOU: I know for a fact that we can't be close to each other because if there's a spark, we'll catch a fire.

Memories are coming back, you and him in the bathtub, the water is warm but the temperature keeps on rising and rising. It's a scene that was once very familiar to him.

He'll never get used to seeing your naked body, you'll always appealing, alluring, and irresistible to him, it takes everything in him to not follow the urge to put his hands all over you.

The plan is to try to keep himself away from you but it seems like he already failed on that.

"Want to come to you," you say, putting your glass away and crawling over to him.

Unfortunately, your hand slips down the edge of the tub, sending you collapsing onto him but he's quick to catch you and steady you.

"Are you okay?"

You laugh as you rub your elbow, "I'm okay."

To avoid more accidents, he allows you to sit straddling him inside the tub, your hands are around his shoulders and your eyes are boring into his, filled with filthy ideas just like his.

"Let's get to know each other," you say.

He keeps his hands gripping the edges of the tub instead of on you, "Okay."

Your head is hovering above him and beads of water are dropping from the end of your hair onto his chest, "What's your favorite position?"

He kind of expected that the question would be about sex and he was right. Instead of running away from it, you're going straight for it, leading him into it. He drops his head to the back and groans.

"We shouldn't even think about it," he grumbles.

You're chuckling and lifting his head back to face you by supporting the nape of his neck with your hand, "We're just getting to know each other," you innocently say.

Hyunjin touches his lips as he thinks of an answer. He can think of his favorite positions but he can't help but think of the ones he wants to do with you. Then he looks at you and how you're straddling him, the way your eyes look down at him.

"I think this is the best position," he finally answers.

You tuck your hair behind your ear and place your hand on his chest, "Me on top is your favorite position?"

"I said best position for you, not for me," he explains it to you with a grin, "But I know I'd enjoy it nonetheless."

You giggle in response and lean in to kiss his neck, he's not expecting you to keep going at it, making a trail of kisses down the column of his throat.

This is not good and if he lets you keep going, he's not sure he can restrain himself anymore. He puts his hand on your neck and turns your head to make you look at him.

"We're here to talk so let's talk," he softly says, he gently touches your cheek with his thumb.

You nod and smile, leaning in while tightening your arms around his shoulders.

"Well, I'm so happy for us," you bump your nose against him, "Can you see that I'm so into you?"

It's hard to focus on the talk when your nipples are lightly grazing his chest. He has to actively tell his brain to keep it together.

"I never thought I'd meet the one here," he mutters to you.

You slip your hand into his hair, playing with his little ponytail and twirling it around your finger.

"Am I the one?" You ask with a shy smile.

He stares into your eyes which slowly enchant him, "You are the one."

He can't even believe that he said that out loud and his mouth would get ahead of his brain, but that doesn't make it less true. You are the one for him.

"I'd love to kiss you right now," you murmur with your lips merely inches away from his.

He immediately stops you from following your desire, he holds your face with both hands and keeps you close, "I'd love to do a thousand things to you but..." he can barely finish his sentence, he ends it with a sigh instead.

HYUNJIN: She's not making it easy for me, especially in the suite.

Bath time is over doesn't mean the temptation ends there too. You're dressed in a flimsy night dress that leaves so little to imagination and you catch him staring through it yet do nothing to stop him from doing it.

Hyunjin knows you secretly enjoy being ogled on like this.

"I feel like I need to test you a little bit," you say.

He lets out a chuckle, "Why?"

You put your hand across his chest and hover above him, "I need to know that you can be around me and you know, be good," you say with a nonchalant shrug.

He puts his hands under his head to prevent him from touching you, "I think I can. That's why I'm back," he not-so-confidently says.

"Okay," you repeatedly nod and touch his chest, caressing his soft, warm skin, then pour some wine onto it.

"What are you doing?" He asks with a suppressed moan as the wine streams down his front.

"I owe you a body shot, remember?" You coyly say, leaning in to drink the wine right from his body.

Hyunjin watches as you lick and suck the wine on his abdomen, you don't even hesitate to use your tongue to collect the droplets of wine on his abs.

"Oh, look at you being naughty!" He murmurs, feeling aroused at how you give him seductive gazes once in a while.

You giggle in response and continue your trail of kisses up to his neck and start nibbling on his ear, making his eyes flutter open and shut, immersed in the pleasure.

He has to use his hand to stop you or else, he'll get too worked up and—

You pull away and sit on the bed, tugging the hem of your night dress to take it off and leaving only your silk underwear on.

"And what are you doing now?" He asks, thinking that he's safely made it after that kinky body shot.

"You're okay with me sleeping naked tonight, right?" You say, tossing the night dress at him.

This is unfair. He's trying to be good and here you are, making it hard for him, literally and figuratively, and it's like everything he learned in that workshop evaporated from his head the second he sees your naked body.

You crawl over to him and just stay like that, hovering above him, teasing him with your body and how your breasts hang close to his face.

Using his knuckles, Hyunjin caresses your sternum down to your abdomen, then rests his hands on each side of your waist. How did he get himself into this compromising position?

"I'm anxious," he mutters.

You slowly lay yourself down on top of him and prop your elbow against the mattress to support your head, "Why?"

"Because I'm able to do whatever I want with you," he murmurs with his hand continuously rubbing the soft skin on your back.

You swipe your thumb across his lips and turn his head to face you, "If it were up to me, we could just say fuck it."

He slyly grins and licks his lips, making them glisten under the dim light, "Should we?"

You place a hot kiss on his neck and another on the sensitive skin behind his ear, then you softly whisper to him, "I say let's enjoy ourselves."

HYUNJIN: Despite everything, I think we deserve this last suite.

In the morning, it rains down kisses on your back, shoulder, and neck. He stretches his arm out, gesturing you to rest your head on it so he can pull you closer and peppering you with more neck and shoulder kisses.

"Morning," he hums to you.

"Morning," you mumble with eyes barely open.

You both stay like that for another moment, cuddling each other and simply enjoying each other's presence in comfortable silence.

After a while, he looks over your shoulder and says, "I had a great night last night."

You hold his hand and clutch it close to your chest along with the duvet, "Me too."

The morning continues with breakfast, you borrow Hyunjin's shirts since you're wearing nothing but your underwear. It really brings back the memory of the first time you went to the suite together with him.

While you're busy chewing your food, he suddenly grabs your elbow.

"You have a bruise, babe," he informs you with his thumb gently rubbing on it.

You put down your fork and immediately have a look at it, there's a blossoming bruise right below your elbow.

"Oh?" You guessed it was from last night when you accidentally slipped in the tub.

"Does it hurt?" His voice is tinted with concern.

"Well, it's your fault," you grumble at him and pick up your fork to continue eating.

He looks so puzzled at your words, making you want to tease him more.

"You were so rough last night," you jokingly add with a grin.

"Not that you minded last time," He replies with a cheeky response, then aggressively throws himself at you and attacks your neck with kisses.

There's not much time left in the suite, you head straight to the bathroom after breakfast, wash up, and change into a new pair of bikini. You're brushing your hair and tying it into a ponytail since you didn't take any of your hair products with you.

Hyunjin lifts you by the waist and sits you down on top of the sink, deciding to seduce you at the last minute, kissing you all over your chest and neck. Moans are spilling out of your parted mouth as he drags his full lips along your collarbone, then kisses the base of your throat.

He cages you between his arms and slightly bends down to be on the same eye level as you. The way he looks at you fondly yet intensely gets your heart flips and your belly turning at the same time. You keep your hands on his chest just in case he tries to do something.

However, you're not sure you can restrain yourself too when he looks this good with his hair slightly tousled and his lips are merely inches away from yours.

He then leans in, bringing his mouth to the side of your head, "I can put it in for a bit," he seductively whispers with his breath tickling your ear.

If you were anywhere than here, you would have crumbled in front of him in a second. Thankfully, you remember the task at hand and immediately push him away.

"Come on, we have to go!"

YOU: [Chuckles] It's kind of hard to resist him because I'm really, really attracted to Hyunjin.

The two of you going to the bedroom since everyone else is still there, probably waiting in anticipation whether we win that $90,000 back or not.

"What are we going to say to them?" Hyunjin asks.

"The prize fund is zero so I guess there's no money to lose here," You jokingly answer.

Hyunjin pushes the door of the bedroom and lets you in first. You see that everyone is still sitting on their beds and the chatter abruptly stops when they see you enter the room.

You both keep your facial expression calm and plain as you take a seat on the bench sofa in the middle of the room with Lana sitting prettily on the table at the end of the sofa.

Hyunjin looks at everyone and then at you, "Do you want to start?"

Well, you haven't thought of what you want to say but everyone is looking at you in anticipation and waiting for you to say something.

You open your mouth to speak but the cone gets ahead of you, Lana chimes and lights up.

"Last night, you both faced the ultimate test," Lana goes straight into business.

"If Hyunjin could put what he learned into practice, and as a couple you could refrain from breaking any retreat rules, the prize fund will be increased from $0 to $90,000."

You keep looking at the cone as she speaks and at times, glancing at Hyunjin.

"However, what I did not see was that your partner would be the problem."

Lana doesn't have to expose you like that, you were just having a little fun last night. You dramatically roll your eyes at the cone then look away.

"Even though she was successful in sexually arousing Hyunjin, he was able to dig deep, hold firm, and respect the rules of my retreat."

The most important part of it all is that you did not break the rules but okay, you'll let it slide because Lana is going to give back that $90,000.

"Which means the prize fund now stands at $90,000," Lana announces.

"Oh, yeah!" Diego triumphantly shouts and punches the air at the same time.

Andy is loudly whistling in reaction while everyone else is applauding the two of you for successfully paying your debts.

"Proud of you, guys," Edie cheerily says with a big smile on her small face.

"This is what you called growth," Remy says with two thumbs up.

It does pay to be good and you're happy that you don't owe anyone anything now. You can't say that it was easy to pass the test but you're proud of yourself for not acting selfishly and proving that you both have grown personally and as a couple.

"As a reward for showing restraint and putting the interests of the group above your own, I'm sending you on a date this afternoon," Lana adds.

Hearing that gets you to jump up and crash yourself at Hyunjin, and thankfully, he catches you right on time. Instead of putting you down, he hoists you higher and gives you a spin.

"Aww, stop it! You guys are so cute," Vic says in jealousy.

YOU: The last few days have been so hard for both of us. We earned this date. [Squeals] Oh, I'm just so excited!

Hyunjin meticulously picks his outfits for the date.

He settles on a light blue shirt and dark swimming trunks, he ties his long, dark hair half up and half down, and he uses his cologne with the scent you like so much.

As he waits by the beach for you, he's organizing his thoughts and planning on the things he wants to say to you. He has a plan in mind but he hasn't figured out how to do it yet, but more importantly, how to get the best outcome.

There you are, looking so beautiful with a smile that is brighter than the sun, walking up to him and only him. He holds his hand out of you even though you're still out of his reach.

"Have you been waiting long?" You ask the second you take his hand.

"Not long enough, apparently," he jokingly replies.

A boat takes you to a small island where the staff has prepared a nice picnic, along with a basket of food and a bottle of wine.

It's such a nice date, the sun is about to set for the day and there's no one in sight, it's just you and him, enjoying each other's company.

"You look amazing," he compliments you and how you look in your floral sundress.

"Thank you, baby. So are you," you compliment back with a smile.

He still doesn't know how to start, he can't just suddenly talk his feelings out but he knows he has to consider that he has limited time to do it, this date won't last forever and if he doesn't do it now, he'd only allow himself to keep retreating.

"I'm going to be honest, it's your physical caught my attention first," he confesses.

You smile and keep your eyes on him, letting him finish his talk while holding your champagne flute close to your mouth.

"I can't even say anything bad about you. You're stunning, undeniably beautiful," he awkwardly raises his hand at you.

Your smile grows wider and brighter, flustered from his words.

"But what truly amazed me was what you have inside. You're beautiful inside and out, and I admire you for that," he sincerely tells you as he lovingly stares at your face.

He puts down his glass of wine so he can take your hand and holds it in his, he looks at you again with a facial expression that turns a little tense from a while ago.

"I learned a lot with everything we've been through," he says, his thumb lazily rubbing the back of your hand as he speaks.

"We've come a long, long way," he adds.

Realizing that the talk is getting serious, you also put your drink away and give all of your attention to him.

"Yeah," you agree with a light nod.

"And for as long as I can remember, my emotions have been so shut off. I never felt what I feel for you with anyone else, ever," he emphasizes every word to let you know how much he means it.

You tilt your head to the side without taking your eyes off of him, and a smile that never wears off even for a second.

"You've brought out a vulnerable side of me I never wanted to bring out," he admits.

You nod again to show him that you are present and listening to every word he's saying.

"You made me realize that I do have a heart and I'm willing to take whatever risks are to come," he continues.

The smile on your face wavers a bit and you ask, "Are you sure?"

He nods and confidently answers, "Yes."

His next question is the one that he dreads to ask you but he has to, he has to know what you think before he can continue with the most important of all.

He gulps air and bravely asks, "What do you think about doing long distance relationship?"

He thought asking it would be the scariest part but it's not, it's waiting for the answer.

"Well, that's going to be a big challenge," you honestly answer.

For the first time, you break your eye contact with him and add, "The thought of it is scary to me."

The answer is making him nervous and he suddenly doubts his decision to ask you the big question. He gets caught between two choices: continue his plan and risk getting rejected or abort the plan and try again next time?

Risk it or play it safe?

HYUNJIN: I want her to be my girlfriend but the one thing that scares me the most is the person I've fallen for lives on the other side of the world.

It seems like something you said displeased Hyunjin in a way, maybe you said something he doesn't want to hear and you understand if he feels that way, you just want to keep it honest with him.

Since Hyunjin has done talking, you take the turn to tell him about your feelings and more. It's impossible to put your feelings into words but you try your best at it.

But first, you close the gap between your bodies, you scoot closer to him, and put your clasped hands on your lap.

"Hyunjin," you softly call him to get his attention.

"Yes?" He sweetly replies.

"I loved meeting you and getting to know who you really are," you barely began but you're feeling emotional already, "I loved how we've fallen for each other so fast but at the same time, it was natural and nice."

He keeps his eyes on you and at times, keeps your hair tucked to your ear from the sea breeze.

"We got to talk about our lives and exchange thoughts and ideas too," you continue while trying not to break into tears in between your words.

"And the way you're always there for me, oh..." you let out a sigh with eyes closed, "it's amazing."

From what he said earlier, you get it now that he's dreading the same thing with you. Once the retreat ends, the two of you have to go back home and live far away from each other. You can't even bear losing him for those two days after he got eliminated so what makes you believe you can stand living far away from him?

It's hard but it's not about capability, it's whether you're willing or not. For him, you're willing to do anything.

"Someone a million miles away that's worth it will always be worth it," you tell him.

He looks so tense that you doubt he catches the meaning of what you said to him so you simplify it for him.

"No man I've ever met is worth it," you hold his hand tighter and continue, "Except you."

The warmth and the glow on his face return almost immediately like someone has turned up the brightness on his face.

"I've never liked someone as much as I like you and I'm willing to make it work," you remark.

Hyunjin looks relieved but you can see that he's holding something back, you sense he still has something else to say to you.

"Um..." he tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear.

You lean in close and curiously ask, "What?

He looks up and he immediately holds your eyes in an intense gaze, "I would like to go to the next step," he says.

It's like someone holds your heart and squeezes it tight, making you hold your breath without you wanting to.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Hyunjin asks with eyes that are filled with hopeful glints.

You allow yourself to breathe to give him a confident answer, "Yes."

Hyunjin doesn't wait to put his arms around you and pull you into a hug, he buries his nose in your neck to drink in your natural scent that gives him a sense of comfort.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes..." you repeatedly say as you hug him back.

Without looking, you can hear him smiling close to your ear and you don't expect him to say those three words right into your ear.

"I love you."

You immediately pull away from his hug and look at him, "Me too," you whine.

You almost cry because all this time, you thought he didn't like you as much as you do or even had the faintest idea that he would be the first and this soon to say those three words to you.

"You love me?" He asks in disbelief.

"I've been holding myself back from telling you that 'cause I'm not sure if you feel the same so I waited for you to say it first," you can't hold it much longer, you let your emotions out and your eyes instantly get teary.

"Oh, baby," he coos, pulling you into a hug again. He holds your face with both hands and places a chaste kiss on your forehead, long and lingering, making your heart overflow with warm feelings.

"Say it again to me, please?" He sweetly begs.

"I love you," you softly mutter.

You thought saying it would lessen the ache in your heart but it's the opposite, your heart still aches every time you say it because it's real and it's true, and the pain is the proof of it.

There's that melodic chime and you look around to see where it comes from, not realizing that it's both of your watches turn green.

Hyunjin doesn't waste another second but bring your head close and slightly tilts your head upward. He flashes you a smile before leaning in and placing his soft lips on yours. You close your eyes to heighten the other senses so you can taste him more and feel him better.

The kiss itself is rewarding and exceptional, you feel like kissing him for the first time all over again.

He stops and pulls away for a second to ask, "Is it still green?"

You glance down at your wrist and nod, "Uh-huh, it's still green."

Hyunjin dives in for another kiss, putting his hand on the nape of your neck and deepening the kiss rather too passionately, sending you both to fall onto the picnic mat.

YOU: We've still got a lot to learn and there's going to be plenty more challenges for us out there but if he's by my side, I don't think anything can go wrong.

Some people are hanging out in the firepit, catching the two of you walking hand-in-hand, returning from the date. They are hooting at the sight of you and you can't help but smile, well, you've been smiling non-stop since Hyunjin asked you to be his girlfriend.

"Look at you, guys! Smiling ear to ear!" Saskia teases you with a pat on your butt.

You both sit on the smaller sofa facing everyone, "I know you won't believe it but we got a green light," you brag with a grin.

"Oh!" Saskia coos with her hands covering her mouth.

"Go on, spill!" Emilie demands the details from you.

"It was a beautiful date. We went to this beautiful small island, just the two of us," you make it succinct for all of them.

"And we're official now," Hyunjin adds with her arm around your shoulder.

"Man, you have a girlfriend now!" Andy proudly says, coming at him for an aggressive hug.

"Aww, I'm so happy for you guys," Emilie mutters with an envious smile.

The happy moment has to end with Lana assembling everyone in the cabana. You both successfully gained back $90,000 in the prize fund so you don't have to worry about the money anymore. Then again, you never know what's coming, all you know is she always makes you worry in this retreat.

The cone chimes and at this point, you give up on trying to guess what kind of news she's going to announce this time.

"Hello, everyone."

"Hi, Lana!" Everyone replies

"How do you feel knowing the retreat is almost over?" She asks.

"I'm happy we learned a lot," Andy answers.

"Yeah. Exactly," Saskia agrees with him.

"Sad that it'll be over soon," Edie says with a pout.

"Can we stay a little longer?" Saskia jokingly asks.

"As this is your last night in the retreat, I've prepared a special Cinelana with your best moments in the retreat," she announces.

All is cheering in response to this delightful surprise from Lana but Edouard isn't that delighted to hear it.

"Another Cinelana?" He asks with a weird look on his face, "I heard the last one wasn't very good."

While Andy is rubbing his hands together in excitement, "It's going to be awesome."

"Fuck. Everyone is going to cry," Frida says, already fanning her eyes in case it waters.

The TV lights up with the screen showing the word 'Cinelana' and then a video plays, a compilation of moments from the first time the group entered the retreat to the recent one where everyone had fun during the cooking workshop.

Everyone cheers whenever someone is kissing and laughs whenever it shows the goofy things people did, and for you, your heart bursts whenever you and Hyunjin appear on the screen, getting all sorts of emotions as you're watching it.

Edie puts her arm around you and holds you close as the video keeps playing, she's getting emotional as well the more she watches.

When the video ends, everyone takes a moment to compose themselves before applauding. Looking back at it, you can see that you have grown a lot as a person and you find yourself getting emotional by it, you carefully wipe the corners of your eyes and try not to ruin your makeup.

"Damn. I look that good on TV?" Andy playfully says.

"Play it again!" Saskia pleads with her hands raised in the air.

Lana chimes again and starts talking, "After reviewing your steps here at the retreat, I can see that you've changed a lot since you arrived here. Anything you'd like to share?"

Everyone shares their experiences in the retreat and how it changed them in a way. When it comes to your turn, you take a second to gather your thoughts and organize them into words.

"I feel like I had a lot of barriers and here, I learned to open up and really be myself," you share.

Hyunjin takes his turn next, licking his lips before speaking, "In here, I learned that the more honest you are with people, the more they become part of your life," he says with a smile and a glance at you.

It's only hitting you now that the retreat is going to end soon and you feel emotional all over again. Everything that you went through here, shaped you into who you are today and for that, you're grateful for this experience.

After all, everyone is really happy to know that we did our best and everything worked out in the end.

YOU: I'm having mixed feelings, you know? I miss everything that has happened here. It was really like a movie, it went by so fast.

The lights are on too early or that's what you thought. You stay lying on your stomach and dive back into your pillow, refusing to wake up.

Not long after, Hyunjin sneaks his hand under and rests it on the arch of your back. He lands gentle caresses on your back and softly murmurs, "Wake up, baby."

"Mmh," you hum in response to let him know that you're awake.

Dissatisfied with your answer, he hovers above you and slowly puts most of his weight on you.

"Wake up," he says again with a slobbering kiss on your bare shoulder.

"I'm awake," you croak with your eyes closed.

He gently removes the hair covering your face to place a kiss on your cheek, "Still sleepy, mmh?"

You lift your head from the pillow and nod with your eyes still shut.

"Cute," he comments and places another kiss on your cheek.

He lets you sleep more as he cuddles you in his arms, playing with your hair while chatting with Andy on the next bed.

A while later, the cone chimes for her usual morning greeting.

"Good morning, everyone."

"Morning, Lana!" Diego is the loudest to reply to her greeting.

"Welcome to the last day of the retreat."

It's kind of hard to believe that you're close to the end line and when you look back at it, it feels so short compared to the thought you had when you started it.

"I'll be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana announces.

Hoping to win the money too would be too much to ask, you already feel incredibly lucky that Lana decided to give Hyunjin another chance and make it possible for you to finish the retreat together with him.

"This is the last day! Let's make it count!" Edie cheerfully shouts to the room.

Hyunjin cups your cheek and looks at you, "Want to swim together?"

"Okay," you mumble.

"Okay?"

"Okay," you repeat with a chuckle.

You head straight to the bathroom to wash up and change into a swimsuit before joining Hyunjin in the swimming pool.

The morning sun heats the pool water, making it lukewarm and comfortable for you to dip your feet in. You sit and watch Hyunjin skillfully swimming in a backstroke style.

As he waddles his way to you, you hold your arms out at him, "Take me for a ride, baby!"

He brushes his wet hair to the back before turning around, offering his back at you, and lets you hop on it. You put your arms around his neck for support as he takes you for a swim around the pool.

"So, what's our plan?" You surprise him with a question as the two of you stand on the side of the pool.

"Uhm..." he takes a second to wipe the beads of water on his face, "You're coming home with me, that's for sure."

You prop a hand under your chin and slyly smile at him, "And?"

This time, he wipes the beads of water hanging under his chin, "You want to know?"

"Uh-huh," you eagerly nod.

"Come closer and I'll tell you," he says with his fingers gesturing you to come close.

You obey and lean closer, he leans in as well but his mouth gets way too close to your ear and when you think he's about to whisper something, he kisses your neck instead.

He keeps you close with his arm tightly wrapped around your waist and instead of trying to fight it, you cave in and hold him back.

It's a moment like this that makes you wish things remain the same once you get outside of this retreat.

YOU: I'll miss waking up next to him and just being with him all the time [sadly smiles]

A little after lunch, Lana gathered everyone for the finalist's announcement. They may seem calm but you believe, they anticipate the news on whether they have the chance to win the money or not.

Lana comes online and after all these times, that melodic chime makes you nervous still.

"Oh, I'm not going to miss that sound," you groan.

Hyunjin smiles and rubs his hand up and down your arm to comfort you.

"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.

"Hello, Lana!" Everyone enthusiastically replies which is very unusual.

"I've been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," She informs.

You have accepted the fact that your chance to be a finalist is slim, close to zero so you don't anticipate the announcement as much as everyone else.

"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development. Now, the prize fund stands at $90,000."

"That's a lot of money," Diego says even though more than half of the total prize money has gone.

"There are three places at the final," Lana reveals.

You see everyone is glancing at each other and probably, calculating their chances in their heads as they keep following Lana's further explanation.

"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown the most personal growth during their time at the retreat."

YOU: Will I win the money? Probably not. But would I like to win the money? Yes, I'd love to.

Hyunjin doesn't hope much about winning the money, he's happy just to gain that money back for everyone to win in the first place.

"The first finalist is..."

He also believes that Lana will make the right choices so whoever gets chosen, deserves it.

"Vic and Edouard, I nominate you as a couple," Lana announces.

Vic and Edouard take a stand and hug each other, looking utterly happy to be one of the three finalists. As a couple, they blossomed from all the hardships they went through together and that makes them deserve a spot in the final three.

"The second finalist is..." Lana continues with the announcement.

Hyunjin sees that you don't seem that hopeful to be called as a finalist as well but not disappointed either. The most important thing of all is you got each other and that's enough.

"...Edie."

A round of applause is aimed toward Edie who gladly stands up to take the second finalist spot, smiling as Lana explains the reason why she chose her to be a finalist.

"The third and last finalist is..."

His guess is either Frida or Andy because they both have shown so much growth in the retreat and they've been avid followers of Lana's principles.

"...Hyunjin."

It takes him a minute to register that Lana called his name, well, his guess is off-mark because he didn't expect that he'll be a finalist, or even considered to be one.

You keep yanking his arm, urging him to stand up as Lana instructed. He quickly gets ahold of himself and gets up from the sofa as everyone looks at him with pride.

"Hyunjin, although you connected with your partner from the start, you struggled to change your player ways, putting your sexual desires first and breaking numerous rules that I have to take drastic changes."

You quietly hold his hand behind him and stare up at him with a proud smile on your face, shaking it in excitement.

"But when I gave you a second chance, you embraced the opportunity to grow and found the importance of emotional intimacy."

HYUNJIN: I'm just happy to be considered that I am worthy enough, really.

It's a privilege to see him grow, he's changed so much from the person you met on the first day of the retreat to the man you're looking at now.

As someone who takes a small part in his transformative journey, you're more than happy to see his growth being acknowledged and standing as one of the finalists.

"Hyunjin, Edie, or Vic and Edouard will walk away with $90,000 and the decision will be made by the remaining guests."

At the end of the day, it's up to us to choose who actually wins because we are there every step of the way and being with each other all the time. You can only hope that everyone is making the right decision.

"Will the shortlisted guests please leave the cabana while the voting takes place?"

You get up to give Hyunjin a quick hug before he leaves with the other finalists.

"See you later," he mutters to you with a peck on your cheek.

"Mmh. See you later," you say with a smile.

Edie waves her hands and blows kisses at everyone before turning around to leave the cabana.

"I've been with them since day one. I've seen their journey so much and it's hard because how can you compare them?" Andy says, torn in between three choices.

"It's a question of decision which one you think deserves it most," Saskia suggests.

YOU: Hyunjin may have broken the most rules in the retreat but I've seen him learn and grow from those mistakes so my vote goes to him.

The dressing room is crowded and full of chatters, everyone is busy getting ready for the last party in the villa.

You put on the white dress you've been saving for which fits the theme 'White Party'. For the hair, you get help from Vic, curling them into loose, soft waves while you're doing your makeup.

This is what you're going to miss the most, everyone is in one room and interacting, there is laughter and smiles, and all sorts of energy converge in this one room.

Since the finalists have to wait in the dressing room, you make time to have a few words with Hyunjin and come up to him for a hug.

"I'm so proud of you," you mutter low enough only for him to hear and ignore that there are other people in the room.

He doesn't even try to stop you but stays still as you place little kisses and leave faint lipstick marks all over his face.

"So, so proud," you say again while tightening your arms around him.

He carefully pats your hand without ruining your hair and then kisses the top of your head.

"We're going to win that money," he jokingly says with a sly smile.

There's a possibility that he'd win but you don't want to put on a high hope. You decide to laugh it off but secretly wish that it'll come true in your head.

"You'd better. Flight tickets aren't cheap," you joke back.

With another kiss on his cheek, you leave the dressing room and catch Frida checking herself out in the bathroom. You decide to join her to check your appearance one more time.

"Look at us!" Frida says, putting her arm on your shoulder, "We became new women."

You smile as you look at both of your reflections in the mirror, and you like the person that you're seeing, she's confident, she's emotionally available, and ready for the world.

YOU: I came in a player and now I'm leaving with my head high and a smile on my face. I just need Hyunjin to win that money [laughs]

You and Frida are the last ones to join everyone by the pool where the last party is held. Frida notices that everyone is already holding a drink in their hands.

"Is that Prosecco?" She asks.

Frida squeals even though no one is answering her, she quickly grabs two glasses for her and you with Diego filling them for both of you.

"Let's have a toast for Lana," Andy shouts.

Everyone raises their glasses in the air and waits for the cue to drink it.

"And cheers to our long, hard, sexless summer," Edie adds.

Not long after, the finalists join the party with a dramatic entrance. The moment you had with Hyunjin earlier was so brief that you didn't pay attention to his outfit.

Silk shirts seem tacky to most people but Hyunjin is not most people, he looks damn good in it. It's one of those moments that makes you wonder if he really is your boyfriend. Heck! You even forgot that he's your boyfriend.

"You look amazing," you whisper into his ear.

"Thank you," he shyly says, blushing.

For the first time, everyone is happy for Lana to interrupt the party, mostly because they can't wait to find out who's going to take home the money.

"Good evening, everyone."

It may be going to be the last time you hear that melodic chime and God, let it be the last time.

"During your time at my retreat, you have broken my rules 20 times," Lana announces.

You almost choke on your wine hearing that, feeling guilty for contributing to half of those rule breaks.

"Goddamn!" Remy exclaims with eyes widening in slight shock.

"Throughout your stay, I've observed people commit to the process and ultimately make a significant change," Lana continues.

Edie cups her hands around her mouth and loudly says, "You did a good job, Lana!"

Everyone feels the need to give Lana a round of applause because all the credit goes to that cone-shaped cockblocker.

"The time has come to announce the winner."

This is where things get tense and you feel nervous for Hyunjin no matter how much you convince yourself that he doesn't need to win that money, he doesn't need to win anything at all.

"Finalists, please stand up!" Lana orders.

Hyunjin looks at you and you hurriedly give him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"You got this, baby," you mutter with a smile as he gets up to hear the winner's announcement.

HYUNJIN: We've all been going through so many emotions and pushing ourselves to be better.

YOU: So happy that we've been able to share this experience with everyone here [smiles]

"The votes have been counted and only one finalist can check out with a $90,000 prize."

Hyunjin still can't believe that he's standing as one of the finalists and possibly, wins the money. It's a little funny though, remembering he went through a lot to get that money back.

"The person in third place is..."

It would be funnier if he won that money too, right? But he should remain humble, the other two are as deserving as him to win it if not more.

"...Edie."

Instead of looking disappointed, Edie keeps on smiling, she blows kisses to everyone, including him, Vic, and Edouard. Hyunjin smiles back at her, giving her a round of applause for winning third place.

Then it hits him that he's on the top two and it feels real with you holding his hand so tightly behind him.

"The winner who will be leaving with $90,000 is..."

He can feel you hold his hand tighter and tighter in each passing second his knuckles turn white.

"...Vic and Edouard."

YOU: We may have not won but I still win because I have the best man here.

HYUNJIN: Money is easy to make, but love is hard to find [smiles]

YOU: [looks at Hyunjin] Well said, baby.

Even though you didn't hear the name you wanted to hear, it doesn't stop you from celebrating. You even come to give them a hug to congratulate them on their win.

"Congrats, Vic!" You sincerely say to her as you tightly hug her.

Looking at her crying in happy tears gets you emotional as well, your eyes start to water, feeling tremendously happy for both of them and for everyone too.

To fully celebrate the moment, Edouard pops open a bottle of champagne and sprays it at everyone. You're lucky that Hyunjin immediately shields you from getting wine all over your dress.

After Edouard and Vic take a big, triumphant sip of wine, Lana comes with one, last announcement:

"My retreat is officially over. The rules no longer apply."

The way you and Hyunjin immediately look at each other and waste no time to crash your lips together that your teeth almost collide.

The kiss is momentous, making it a special memory that you'll cherish for life. Dare you say, like a movie.

"Pool party!" Andy spontaneously shouts into the night as he runs and jumps into the pool fully clothed.

Everyone laughs at the idea but a moment later, following suit, jumping into the pool with their clothes still on. Hyunjin looks at you to see if you think of the same thing as him. You nod in signal and take his hand, walking with him to the edge of the pool to finally jump into the swimming pool together.

He emerges out of the water first and hurriedly pulls you out, he puts your arms around him as support.

He suddenly gets the urge to utter his feelings and goes with it, "I love you."

You put your forehead against him and smile, "You know I love you too."

Out of happiness, Hyunjin lifts you up and quickly brings you down once he notices that your wet dress is stuck to your body and exposes everything, and a crazy idea crosses his head at that moment.

"What?" You ask in confusion.

He leans into your ear and says, "Want to check the suite for one last time?"

You gently hit his chest in reaction and break into laughter, and he thinks he should be taking it as it is, a crazy idea and nothing more.

You look around before looking back at him and say, "We should go now before anyone notices."

And this is why he likes you, you're shy but bold at times, a bit crazy but that's how he likes it. But the best thing of all, you are his.

YOU: Any final words of wisdom, babe?

HYUNJIN: It was an amazing journey with a perfect ending [smiles]

YOU: [nods] Yes.

HYUNJIN: But if I have to be honest, I just want to take her home now so we can f—

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1d1195 · 3 days

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Neighbors Extra V

Read Neighbors here | ~2.5k words

From me: based on this ask. Takes place probably in between Part 5 and Extra I

Warnings: a little angsty, a little fluffy, enjoy 💕

It was the stretch of bad weather that did it. Played a trick on his mind. It hurt to think about those weeks without his favorite people. He knew what bad weather could do to people and he knew how it could affect him. It was weird, the night before he rather enjoyed the sound of rain against the window, the slight chill in the air contrasted with the warmth coming off her from the bed. Now it seemed like a curse.

“Harry?” Rory called, hearing the thunder in the middle of the night. It made his heart ache to know Rory called Harry’s name and not for Mumma the way he usually did. Harry rolled out of bed pressing a swift kiss to her forehead despite his negativity settling into the pit of his stomach. He made his way for Rory’s room. He forgot about the frustration he felt about her and the weeks that she chose to separate them. Rory needed him.

“S’matter, lad?” Harry asked sitting on the end of his bed. There was relief in his eyes that was visible in the low light of his nightlight. That relief made Harry’s heart clench. He put his hand on his leg atop the covers and squeezed his shin.

“Is... is Mumma scared?” He asked softly.

Harry tilted his head curiously. “Mummy’s sleeping,” he assured him.

“Oh... um...” Rory was so little looking in his bed. “Mumma gets scared with thunder sometimes,” he explained. “I usually go sleep with her to keep her safe.”

Harry blamed the lateness of the hour for his slow-moving brain cells and not understanding what Rory was trying to tell him faster. “Oh?” He nodded. “I see. Well, do y’want t’come check on her?” He asked standing beside his bed and pulling the covers back.

He nodded eagerly; it was punctuated by a crack of thunder that practically shook the house. His eyes widened with fear while trying to be brave. After his little hospital stay, Harry noted how nervous Rory seemed sometimes—especially when it came to his mum and making sure she wasn’t nervous too. “That was scary,” Harry admitted and scooped Rory into his arms quickly, tucking his head against his shoulder.

“You’re scared of thunder?” He asked incredulously but didn't move his face from Harry's neck.

“Isn’t everyone?” Harry smirked without Rory seeing. “Y'know that Mummy is, me...s'like you’re the bravest one of us."

Rory squirmed a bit in Harry’s arms--like the weight of his phobia and subsequent fake-bravery was too much for him. “I think I’m a little afraid of thunder,” he whispered to Harry. Harry nodded and squeezed him.

“S’okay. S’brave of you t’want t’check on Mummy anyway.”

“I didn’t know if I was allowed to,” he admitted.

“Allowed?” Harry repeated.

“Because Mumma has you now.”

Harry didn’t want to have this conversation in the middle of the night. Not when he was feeling frustrated with the love of his life’s actions. Not when the weather was souring his mood. Not when Rory felt scared, and he didn’t know how to fix it completely.

“Rory,” Harry sighed stopping outside the bedroom. “Mummy and I are always going t’need you,” he promised. “You don’t have t’change how y’do things because m’here,” he pressed his lips against the little one’s forehead.

"Okay," he nodded.

Harry smiled at him again, ran his hand through his hair comfortingly before he headed back in the bedroom. He knelt on the bed and deposited Rory in the middle. She hadn’t moved. Probably tired from being perfect all day, Harry presumed. Rory nestled into the middle of the bed and Harry smiled softly, feeling more tired, thankfully, than when he woke up. His mind didn’t need to reel with more feelings of frustration before he fell back asleep. “Night, Harry,” Rory whispered.

Harry smiled as he drifted off. “Night Rory.”

The rainy night turned into a rainy day. Harry was quiet. She noticed it immediately. When she woke up with the help of her internal clock at six-thirty, she realized Rory’s little face was staring back at her. She blinked in surprise, wondering when he got there. Harry’s hand was resting protectively on Rory’s little rib cage and her heart melted so thoroughly she thought she would cry.

Swallowing the emotion in her throat she snuck out of bed to start breakfast as Rory would surely wake up with the help of his own internal clock in about thirty minutes. The rain and dark clouds made her think of her trip to the hospital in the middle of the night, quickly she shook her head of those thoughts.

As if on cue, Harry and Rory descended the stairs as she poured juice for them. “Hi Mumma!” Rory smiled excitedly. Harry released him and he scurried over to hug her legs. She bent and kissed the top of his head before returning to the scrambled eggs on the stove.

“Hi love bug,” she grinned. “Did you sleep okay?”

Rory glanced back at Harry and nodded. “Harry said I was really brave about the thunder.”

She was surprised she didn’t wake to the sound of it and moreover the sound of Rory’s little worried voice because of it. She pursed her lips and glanced at Harry as well. “Yeah?” She asked quietly.

Harry nodded. He pressed a kiss to her temple and grabbed the three glasses of orange juice to settle on the table. “Rory was braver than I was,” he repeated. “He wanted t’make sure y’were sleeping okay. Because y’get scared in the thunderstorms sometimes.”

Her heart clenched with love for the little one. More for Harry for going along with every little detail and every insecurity Rory shared with him. She smiled and nodded. “Thanks, cutie pie,” she ruffled his hair as he held onto her leg still.

Harry sat at the table. Normally, she wouldn’t have paid much attention to the position, but he didn’t really look up from his phone. He didn’t look up when she said breakfast was almost ready—when he usually hopped up to get plates, silverware, etc. Rory followed over to Harry. Joined him by sitting right on his lap, Harry moving instinctively to hold him as they examined Harry’s phone.

“Honey, can you ask Harry if it’s okay first—he might be doing something for work or—”

“S’fine, kitten,” he mumbled, interrupting her without further explanation.

“It’s highlights from the soccer game,” Rory explained.

Biting her lip, she suddenly felt a bit intrusive. Quietly, she set plates in front of the pair and then ate her own food in near silence—save for the cheers and announcers coming from Harry’s phone. It felt odd to feel left out. For so long it had been her and Rory. Perhaps she was imagining it, but she swore Harry almost seemed... annoyed with her.

After Rory started playing on his own, she would ask. Or maybe when Rory went to sleep tonight.

For now, even if she was a bit anxious about Harry’s coldness toward her, she couldn’t help but adore how sweet Harry and Rory looked at the other end of the table. The same concentrated expression on their faces as they watched his phone screen. Her heart was so full it felt illegal to be that happy. Harry kissed the back of Rory’s head without fanfare, without thinking. His phone propped against the flower vase while he ate his breakfast with one hand.

Just as quietly, she snapped a picture of the pair of them. One to send to her family as well as his for sure.

Rory and Harry were nearly inseparable the whole day. It allowed her to get a lot of cleaning and laundry done that had been neglected since Rory couldn’t play in the yard with the unending rainy weather. In the late afternoon, Rory asked that they play a few rounds of Candyland. So, they did. Harry smiled at Rory the whole time and chuckled every time her turn brought her back to the Peppermint Forest when she was almost to the Candy Castle.

It almost felt mean spirited.

But the boys went to play again in Rory's room after Candyland. Harry even got Rory to take a bath without the usual argument that ensued when she did. Their little day spent together right under her nose made her a little jealous—although she wasn’t sure who she was jealous of when she thought about it. They paused to have leftovers for dinner (because it was Saturday, and that was their routine) While they played, she read some of her long-neglected book that was often set to the side for room to play with her son.

“Rory wants you t’say goodnight,” Harry said quietly as he flopped onto the couch grabbing the controller off the coffee table. She blinked, glanced at the clock along the wall of the dining area and shook her head at how rapidly the time had moved.

“It’s eight already?” She asked, mostly to herself. There was no arguing, no ‘one more story,’ not even a good night kiss as had happened many nights before when Harry put Rory to bed.

He nodded anyway, scrolling through movie and show options on Netflix without even looking at her. She eyed him suspiciously the entire time she ascended the stairs to Rory’s room. “Hi Mumma,” he grinned happily. He smelled clean and fresh. His room was tidy (thanks to Harry’s kind reminders as they played, she was sure). Rory was perfect. But she may have been a bit biased.

“Hi baby,” she smiled. “Did you have fun playing with Harry today?” She asked.

He nodded. “We played so much,” it was as if he realized it all on his own and how weird of a day it was to have a playdate right near her without hardly including her.

“You did,” she grinned and kissed his forehead. “I love you. Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” She had said it to him since the day they met Harry and he had asked for clarification.

He grinned and rolled over sleepily. “I love you, too, Mumma,” he yawned. She turned his light off, ensuring the nightlight remained on. She closed the door and returned to the living room. Harry was unmoved; legs outstretched on the coffee table.

Harry shifted as she removed her book from the sofa and placed it beside Harry’s feet on the table. He was silent. Her discomfort amplified and she turned to him. “Are you...okay?” She asked. He nodded, still unspeaking. She bit the inside of her lip. “Uh...Harry, it really feels like—”

“It was really unfair,” he mumbled. His gaze was unmoving from the TV but he wasn’t watching.

“What was—”

“You just...stopped talking t’me. Y’didn’t tell me why. Rory had t’come t’me in secret t’invite me t’his game,” he reminded her. “I know why y’did,” he looked at her squarely for the first time all day. “But it hurt. And I never really got t’grieve it because you came back but it hurt,” he repeated. Her chest ached, feeling like he pierced a whole right through it.

“Harry,” she whispered, an apology forming.

He shook his head. “Y’don’t have t’say anything. S’over and m’not...” he sighed. “M’really not mad, kitten. M’not. S’jus’ the crummy weather made me think of it. Playing with Rory all day made me think ‘bout all those weeks I didn’t have with him. S’not fair and s’not anyone’s fault. M’jus... sad.”

Her heart felt shattered. “But—”

“You don’t have t’say anything.”

But she felt like she did. Harry resenting her felt like a very real possibility and it terrified her. “You’ll resent me.”

“Of course I won’t,” he turned to her with such fierceness in his eyes she felt as if the sun had finally broke the cloud barrier after their long weak of rain. “I know why y’did it. But m’sad about it,” he grabbed her hand. “I trust you that it won’t happen again,” he kissed her knuckles. “M’sorry I was cold today. I jus’ never got t’process or tell you how it felt.”

Well, if it was worse than this moment--and she was sure that it wasn’t even a fraction of the anguish and hurt Harry felt at the time--then she didn’t want to ever make him feel that way again. Didn’t want to experience it herself in any manner—even if Harry very much deserved to make her feel the way she made him feel.

“Harry,” she repeated. “I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. Tongue-tied, confused, and unsure. Things she rarely felt since she had Rory because she couldn't. “I... I don’t know how to—”

“Kitten,” he squeezed her hand. “M’not mad. M’not going t’hold it against you. But I needed to tell you, so I don’t.”

“Harry,” she felt like a broken record.

“Beautiful,” he echoed in the same tone. “M’not mad,” he promised.

She crawled across the couch, curled in his lap and nuzzled against him in a way that a grown woman had no business to do. Tears stung behind her eyes and her breath felt shallow in her lungs. “I was an idiot,” she whispered hoping it would ease the ache, the fear she felt of losing Harry when she had only started to have him.

“Oh, kitten,” he cooed. “Y’might be the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met,” he assured her running his hand up and down her back. “I was mean today. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You should have punched me in the face.”

He chuckled. “Never in a billion years, love,” he brushed her hair out of her face. “You didn’t need t’do it, but I get it.”

“I didn’t. I shouldn’t have. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“M’telling you, you don’t need to. I won’t behave poorly like I did today again.”

Her heart felt so broken--she was afraid to speak. Worried it would just come out in a mess of sobs that Harry would unfairly have to comfort. “I can’t even believe you’re apologizing for your behavior. It was my own doing.”

“Angel,” he kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose. “You did what you thought was best as a mum. M’never going t’fault you for that; just...” he smiled and shook his head. “Tell me beforehand next time, yeah?”

She snorted. “I won’t ever let there be a next time,” she vowed. He winked at her, cupped her face with his hands that she missed gently caressing her and touching her in between playing with Rory, all day long. Gently, he pressed his lips to hers to seal the promise.

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noxturnalpascal · 3 days

Text

Devotion 🖤

II. Predator or Prey? (Ch 8)

CultLeader!Joel x OFC!Reader

Series Summary: When is it enough? When is it too much? When does Devotion become Obsession?

Visit the Series Masterlist for series warnings, cult info, timeline info, and HCs on ages. Reader has a nickname and some minor physical descriptions - is an OFC from Reader POV.

*This series is 18+ MDNI. I will not be listing individual chapter warnings as I don't want to spoil the plot of each chapter. Please see the series masterlist for entire series warnings to decide if this is for you.*

II. Predator or Prey?

CH 8 (6.6k) | The Night You Left |

Joel barely sleeps, tossing and turning in his bed with his clothes on, knuckles bloody and burning, throat raw from screaming. He wakes up to hushed whispers outside his door and he throws it open, inexplicably hoping to see you out there. Instead he sees a sea of terrified faces, Sasha tucking Beth behind her, Tess peering out from the bathroom with Rosie holding a cold cloth over her swollen face. Kerri is further down the hall, sweeping up chunks of drywall and dust on the floor from the holes he’d punched into the wall hours earlier.

He looks back towards Tess. Fuck. She looks awful, already two swollen black eyes and a split lip. What kind of a monster does that to someone?

“Tess, I–”

“I’ll be alright Joel,” she reassures. “Why don’t you head over to the baths and get cleaned up?”

She knows he can’t be seen in the state he’s in. What would people think? They’d think he’d fuckin’ lost it is what they’d think. And they’d be right.

Joel heads to the old plaza, a ten minute walk down the street and around the corner, to the old salon now serving as the town bath house. This early in the morning he knows no one is going to be here so he lets himself in through the back door. He checks the tank of the town’s only working hot water heater and begins to fill one of the stock tank tubs, shucking his clothes off and climbing in. The water stings his raw knuckles as he scrubs at his body, washing away bits of dusty drywall and blood – his or Tess’, he can’t tell.

Fuck, he fucked up. He shouldn’t have reacted like that. He shouldn’t have done that to Tess. This is what you fucking do to him, this is the effect you have on him. You bring out the worst in him. All you ever did was distract him, tempt him, tease him, and reject him. He saved your life, fed you, clothed you, protected you, and put a roof over your head. And how did you repay him?

Resentment. Neglect. Defiance. Abandonment.

What did he even see in you? He thought you were brave, but you were so soft on the inside. He thought you were smart, but he watched you act like such a fucking fool. He thought you were beautiful, but you wouldn’t even let him say it. He thought you were wild, but he tamed you so easily. He was wrong about you. He tells himself that he’s glad you’re gone and that he’s better off without you around anyway.

—

The first Thursday without you, Joel takes Beth to the meeting, despite complaining that he’d rather go alone. Beth had already gotten to work making clothes and this would be a good opportunity for her to give some out to the families that lived further out of town, at least that’s what Tess had said. He’d never admit it, but he held his breath when a group of people led by the tall and imposing Hank walked in the room, someone else trailing just behind. Several people shifted and Joel saw it was just Hank’s little girl, blushing bright red when she caught him looking at her.

Shit. He’s not sure why he let himself think it might be you. Hank hadn’t brought you to the church meeting on Sunday so why did he let that tightness grow in his stomach thinking he’d bring you to the Thursday meetings the way he used to bring Beth? Whatever. He doesn’t even want to see you. He continues to be in a foul mood all week and despite pleading with Tess for forgiveness – which she gives him – all the women in the house seem to avoid him.

The second Thursday he notices Hank’s young daughter, who’d introduced herself several times as Amber, following his every move, watching him, sitting next to him, hanging on his every word with rapt attention. The little girl must have a crush. How inconvenient. But wait, he might be able to use this to his advantage. He’d noticed you ducking behind Hank’s oversized frame at church the past Sunday, avoiding him like the plague, and decided he was going to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Fuck you, you little ingrate, he’s gonna ignore the shit out of you right back.

He purposely avoided looking in your direction during his speech and sat with his back to you during dinner. He made sure to act like the perfect leader, loving and gentle, graciously accepting people’s well wishes for Tess’ illness – the cover-up for why she’d been in the house for over a week while her face healed up. Within earshot of you he gives attention to every other female Valley member, even going so far as to bring people into his embrace, hugging them tight.

He’s like an oily politician – kissing babies and shaking hands – but he hopes you see it all. He hopes you feel sick over it, feel jealous, feel regret. He hopes you feel the loneliness rotting in your gut like he does. But how will he know? How will he know if he can’t see you, can’t talk to you? He needs access to you, someone for you to confide in, someone on the inside. Little Amber will do nicely.

He strikes up a conversation with her, bumping up the charm to an eleven. He opens with some mildly flirtatious banter, asks some questions about her – women love that shit – before getting to the point.

“Hear you got a new roommate over there,” he postures casually.

“Yeah, she’s great,” Amber beams.

“She is?”

“Oh– ummm,” her brow furrows. “Isn’t she?”

“I don’t know,” he chuckles, “You tell me.”

“She’s alright, yeah… I mean, she– she’s fine.”

“Well you should let me know if she does anything to bother you.” His voice is smooth and buttery.

“I should?”

“Well yeah,” Joel touches his hand briefly to her chin, “I gotta make sure you’re happy, don’t I?”

“Oh,” she giggles, face flushing immediately.

“So make sure you tell me what’s goin’ on, okay?”

“Yeah I will,” she tries to suppress her smile. “I– I definitely will.”

“Anything at all, even if you think it might not be important.” He makes sure she’s looking at him and drops his voice an octave. “Anything at all, okay, sweetheart?” He winks to seal the deal.

It was almost too easy, turning little Amber into his own private mole. Every Thursday he gave her a couple minutes of attention and she folded, playing right into his hand and spilling everything you two had talked about over the past week. She told him where you went, what you did, who you talked to, and even what anyone else in the house said about you. Apparently Hank’s wife was missing Beth and Joel briefly thinks of telling Tess to make a switch back, but then gets angry at you again and changes his mind.

You don’t deserve his forgiveness, you’re not missing him enough, not even close to being as miserable as you could be. Amber had told him that you’d cried yourself to sleep almost every night the first week but then the other day after the church meeting he’d watched you hunch down behind little Amber – barely five feet tall – trying to hide from him. Your stubborn pride is gonna make it even more satisfying when you come crawling back to him, begging him to let you come back home.

Amber tells him when you’ve stopped crying at night but says you still spend a lot of time on your own, wandering the edges of the property. She catches you up in the hayloft all the time, or napping with the baby goats. She says you don’t spend any time with Danny or Diego, the ranch hands, so he resists his urges to take them by the collar and threaten to bury them alive if they so much as look at you.

—

Joel woke up in the mornings feeling empty, like his chest had been broken open and hollowed out, all of his internal organs scooped onto the ground. The only thing that remained inside him was a deep-seated ache. He tried to soothe it with conversation but Tess didn’t want to hear it, kept telling him it’s better this way and to move on. He tried to temper his loneliness with touch, but when he reached for Sasha’s hand after dinner one night she ripped it out of his grip. One evening, in a particularly weak moment, he nuzzled into Kerri’s neck while she was washing dishes, her hands occupied and covered in suds.

“Oh,” she squeaked, startled by his touch.

“Hey,” he said, muffled against her skin, twitching under the brush of his beard.

“I’m not really–” she started.

He didn’t let her finish. He was out of the room before she could even finish her sentence. How fucking pathetic was he? He didn’t even want her – not really – and she couldn’t even stand to be touched by him. This is what you’ve done to him, this is what you’ve made him. He’s been ruined by you.

When it's been just over a month since you left, things at the house finally get back to a sense of normalcy again. For a while, Tess was the only one speaking to him, and besides the Thursday meetings Beth was assigned to accompany him to, she avoided him like the plague. Kerri wouldn’t meet his eyes, Rosie shuffled away from him whenever he entered a room, and Sasha gave him dirty looks every time she passed him in the halls. But with time, things were improving. There was a low hum of conversations around the dinner table now – none of them involving him – but at least everyone else was happy.

The following Sunday Amber traps him in a corner and starts saying shit about coming to live with him. He has no idea where she got this idea in her head but she keeps trying to touch the buttons on his shirt and he’s doing everything in his power not to swat her little fucking hands away. He sees Tess giving him a look and he knows. He knows he needs to get away from her, that people can see him, that people will talk. What if you see him? You’re never gonna come back home if you think he’s messing around with this annoying child. He has to stop using her for information, he has to cut her off.

The following Thursday marks the end of February and Amber’s reports have gotten brief and repetitive. Walks alone along the pastures, always has her nose in a book at bedtime, late to every meal (much to her mother’s chagrin). She tells him that you only leave the farm on Sundays for church and on Wednesdays for your bath, having to settle for a weekly wash at the Covered Bridge Inn another mile down the road with some of the other farming families. He bets you’re missing your three soaks a week since you left town.

Joel decides to cut Amber off then and there, she’s not giving him anything he doesn’t already know and he needs more, he wants more. He needs to fill that emptiness inside him and you’re the only thing that can make him feel whole again. He’s barely looked at you in weeks, always avoiding watching you directly, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of thinking he gives a fuck. He doesn’t, not really. He just wants to soothe the hole you left. He convinces himself he just needs a taste, just needs a peek. He just needs to see if you’re missing him, to make sure you’re suffering the way he is, the way you should be. He wants to see it for himself. Then he can get over you – move on – like Tess says he should.

He waits until the following Wednesday and makes a trip out to the Mansfield’s farm when he knows you’ll be gone for your bath. Only Hank remains on the farm to greet him but is honored and excited by Joel’s presence. Joel makes up something about wanting to visit Hank because of how much he respects all of his hard work, but asks Hank to not spread the word lest the other farmers be jealous. Hank nods in agreement as he shows Joel around the property and then welcomes him into his humble home.

When Joel excuses himself to use the bathroom he takes a walk around the upstairs, checking each bedroom to find yours, recognizing it when he sees one of your old shirts on the bed. He lifts your pillow to his face, huffing in your familiar scent. Under your pillow is a book, paperback cover worn and tattered, Of Mice and Men by John Steinback. Joel stuffs it in his waistband and pulls his shirt back down, heading back downstairs to tell Hank he should get going.

There’s no mention of his visit by his little spy the next night so, he assumes Hank kept it a secret and you were none the wiser. He wants to go to the farm again, he wants to have another piece of you. Just one more taste, just one more. He waits until late in the day on the following Wednesday and, avoiding traps he and his patrols helped set, he rides out and sneaks onto the property from the neighboring fields. Hank is working out in the far pasture and doesn’t even notice Joel’s surreptitious arrival.

The house is unlocked and he goes straight to your room, this time laying down in your bed, letting himself soak in the scent of you wafting off the sheets. He thinks of you crawling in the bed every night at the end of a long day working your ass off on this farm, a big change from the cushy life you had back home. He knows you only get a bath once a week here, and he can smell your scent on the sheets strongly. He smells sweat, dirt, farm animals, and a trace of tangy milk. You must change the sheets when you get back from your bath. This must be the most pungent they smell all week.

He grabs his dick overtop his pants, he can feel it already hard and aching at the thought of you. He wishes he had more time to lie here, to really be able to enjoy himself, but he made up an excuse to Tess and she’ll be suspicious if he’s gone too long. He takes his hand away from the front of his pants and instead grabs your pillow, throwing it over his face to breathe it in a final time. He gets up, adjusting himself, and takes a step towards the door before he doubles back and snatches your pillowcase off the pillow, stuffing it down the front of his shirt.

—

He’s panting slightly as he makes his way in the back door of his house, having had to jog from the stables, cutting through the town park so he’d be back before Tess started wondering where he was. Kerri gives him a sideways glance and an empty smile, quickly turning her head back to her meal preparation. Tess and Sasha come up from the basement holding jars of preserved vegetables.

“Where you been?” Tess asks.

“I told you,” he tries to stifle his heavy breathing. “I had to help Peter out with his solar panel issue.”

“But Peter’s wife Georgia just came by here not even ten minutes ago and asked how you were doin’,” she says, looking confused.

“Yeah well it wasn’t at his house,” Joel thinks quickly. “He’s been tryin’ to get it fixed up for little old Miss Betty, out– umm… over there by the woods.” He picked the most remote, home-bound person he could think of, hoping it would cover his ass.

“Oh, she needs power? For what?” she asks, setting down the jars on the counter with Sasha, not giving Joel her full attention anymore. He uses the opportunity to move out of the kitchen towards his office.

“I dunno, just helpin’ out Peter,” he says and then ducks out of the room before she can question him further.

Once he closes his office door he pulls out your pillowcase from under his shirt and balls it up to his face, sniffing it more. He sticks it in the bottom desk drawer under the maps, where he keeps your lost pair of underwear, your rejected christmas gift, and the book he took from under your pillow on his previous visit. Something scratches at him from deep inside, something that might resemble guilt. He shakes it off. He has nothing to feel guilty for. If you want underwear, books, or your pillowcase so bad you can come back home and have them.

—

He can’t even wait until next Wednesday to go over to the farm. Sunday morning rolls around – he’s spent all weekend planning this moment – and he gives a well-rehearsed speech to Tess about being sick. He doubles over in his bed and clutches his middle, groaning until her face softens and she puts the back of her hand to his forehead the way his mom used to. She brings him some water and rice and tells him to get some rest before heading to the services with everyone else in the house.

Once he’s left alone he jumps out of bed, throwing the covers off like a child on Christmas morning. He knew that if he went to church he’d be able to see you, maybe fill a little bit of his craving. But since he doesn’t really look at you, how much of you can he actually see? Knowing that Hank would bring your entire household to the service meant the farmhouse would be empty. He can sneak over there while everyone is preoccupied and have his fill of your scent, of the ghost of your presence. He needs this, he tells himself, he needs a little bit more before he stops, before he gets over you.

He doesn’t want to take a horse this time, wants to leave no trace of where he’s going or risk anyone seeing him riding out. Most of the town is at the church service but he wants to be extra cautious. He heads out the back door and ducks into the trees beyond the yard, making the long way around the populated square to hit the fence-line. He finds a well-worn path through two fence sections and, avoiding the traps he knows are there, darts south towards the farm.

Joel’s knees are aching by the time he hits Hank’s property, heart pounding and feet throbbing, having set a brutal pace to make the trip in just about thirty minutes. His chest is heaving to catch his breath as he crosses over the creek and walks up the small hill to the old farmhouse standing like a silent monument above the pastures.

He takes his time on this visit, going through your side of the dresser, recognizing the clothes you had before, touching the fabric with his fingers that he would feel beneath his touch whenever he held you in the mornings. He looks in the closet – mostly Amber’s clothes – but sees a nice dress in there he assumes Hank intended for you to wear to church. Joel’s never seen you in a dress, maybe no one here has either, since you’ve certainly never worn this one.

He takes off his clothes and climbs in your bed, lying face flat on your pillow, and smells you. Not your soap or shampoo, but you, the real you. The you he used to smell when you were at home, when you were in his arms, when you were his. Before you left him, before you broke him, before he was empty. He slowly humps against the bed – his cock rubbing the worn, softened sheets – and thinks of you.

He imagines you coming back and catching him, throwing your arms and legs around him, crying how much you miss him and kissing him until he agrees to take you home. His come spills on your sheets and he throws the blanket back over top, leaving the mess for you to find. Part of him hopes you know it was him. He puts half his clothes on and then begins to get sleepy, having stayed up half the night going over and over in his head his plans for today. He lies down on top of the bed just to rest his eyes for a moment.

He doesn’t hear the horses pull up with the wagon outside, or the door opening and people entering the house downstairs. He doesn’t hear anything until there’s footsteps on the stairs coming towards where he’s still half naked and just awake. Shit. He jumps up and grabs the rest of his clothes off the floor, kicking his boots under your bed and jumping in the closet just as Amber bursts in the room, humming a hymn and babbling about how she wants to make soup to send to him. You hum in assent but otherwise say nothing.

He wishes he could see you, but he’s pushed himself into the closet and to the side as much as possible. He is half-covered by a mothball-smelling crocheted cardigan and a mildew-smelling old raincoat. He hears the soft sounds of fabric and the wooden creak of dresser drawers, then you both silently shuffle out of the room and down the stairs. He waits a long time until he's sure the coast is clear and manages to get himself dressed, pull on his shoes, and make it downstairs.

He hides in a closet for several hours, hearing Amber and her mother all around the first floor, cleaning and cooking and gossipping to each other. Where are you? Are you in the hayloft like Amber said you like to be? Are you feeding goats or milking cows? He wants to see you but he knows he has to go, knows he’s stayed too long. Everyone has been back at his house for hours and Tess will most definitely be wondering where the fuck he went to.

It’s mid-afternoon by now and he knows he can’t waste anymore time. He ducks out of the closet and runs for the closest patch of trees as quickly as he can. As soon as he’s in the cover of the woods he starts thinking of the shit show he’s gonna walk into. Tess is gonna give him the third degree. He left no note, no indication of where he would be. What excuse is he even gonna give? He played sick so convincingly and now what is he gonna do? What can he tell her that will be believable?

His mind is racing with a hundred different thoughts and he’s trying to ignore the sting of the cold air in his lungs and the burning of his thighs as he presses forward up another hill. He’s sure that’s why he misses the trap. Because he knows where they all are, he helped set almost every single one. He has a map in his office with all of them marked off, directs the patrols to check and maintain them. He knows better. But he’s distracted. You’ve distracted him. This is all your fault. That’s all he can think as he feels the trap clamping over his ankle and the biting pain shooting up his leg. This is all your fuckin’ fault.

Joel loses his balance quickly as the counterweight trips and yanks his leg out from under him. He sees the whole world flip and feels the fire of tearing flesh licking up his leg. He comes to rest with his shoulders on the ground, his head brushing against the fallen leaves, but the lower half of his body lifted up in the air, strung up in the tree by his ankle. Shit, this is a good trap, he was so proud when he thought of it and now he can confirm that it’s quite debilitating and extremely painful.

—

The sun has started setting when Joel hears a single step behind him and he whips his head around, facing a lone figure, light hair braided over her shoulder, pack on her back stuffed full. Sasha.

“Hey honey… I didn’t hear ya coming,” he groans, shifting uncomfortably.

“Yeah, Joel,” she looks him over quickly, “That’s kinda the point.”

She opens her mouth to ask a question – probably something akin to what the fuck are you doing out here – but then she looks southward, towards the still-visible fields of the dairy farm, and back at him. She closes her mouth, deciding not to ask something she already knows the answer to. Instead she looks him up and down, taking in the scene in the fading light.

“You uhh… you want me to get you down from there?”

“Well what’s the alternative, honey?” He motions around. “You gonna leave me here?”

“I could…” her face remains impassive, considering her options, “But Tess would probably miss you.”

Joel lets out a huff and gives her a partial smile, it’s as much as he can manage having been stuck like this for far too long. Sasha throws her pack down and fishes some bolt cutters out of the back, reaching them above Joel’s ankle and cutting a chain link rather easily. Joel's body unceremoniously slams down to the forest floor, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

“Jesus Christ, Joel,” she mutters, kneeling down to check him over. “What’d you think was gonna happen when I cut it?”

“I dunno honey but I’m not a fuckin’ gymnast. I’ve been hangin’ upside-down for hours, so I’m kinda at the whim of gravity right now.

“Well twinkle toes, good thing you’re not training for the olympics, because your leg looks absolutely fucked. We need to get you to the clinic ASAP.”

Yeah yeah yeah Joel grumbles, grunting and groaning as Sasha helps him to his feet, leaning into his side so she can support his weight on his bad side.

“Is your horse nearby?”

“Didn’t bring a horse,” he sighs.

“Joel, we’re still over a mile away from home and your leg–”

“Well we better get going then, huh?”

“But, Joel–”

“Time’s a wastin’ honey, let’s go.”

—

By the time the doctor finishes wrapping Joel’s ankle, he can already see the blood seeping through the bottom layers of the bandages. She’s given him some expired meds for the pain that are managing to take the edge off, but he’s still extremely uncomfortable. He’s not gonna tell her that though.

“I’m gonna need to see you tomorrow to clean and redress this wound.”

“I can come by after–”

“No,” she interrupts. “No, Joel, I’ll make a house call, you shouldn’t be walking on this at all. This needs to be elevated so the swelling can go down.” She wraps the second layer tighter and Joel bites back a noise. She notices. “That’s why it’s leaking like this, you didn’t elevate it,” she scolds, and then murmurs under her breath, “And you walked a mile on it.”

“Well I knew you made house calls but I didn’t think you’d make middle-of-the-forest calls.”

She makes a noise that sounds like hmmm, and grabs another roll of gauze to keep wrapping around. He’s not sure if she bought his story, that he and Sasha were scavenging together and he wasn’t looking where he was going, but she removed the trap from his ankle and gave him a tetanus shot and some antibiotics. He didn’t even realize she had all of that here but she opened a locked cabinet and there was a secret stash of medicines, just waiting for him.

Since he was hanging upside-down he didn’t lose much blood and the doctor told him she doubts there’s a broken bone, given that the trap clamped down above the ankle bones and more into the meat of his leg. She is worried about infection, of course, and said that the way it pulled on his leg could take a while for the muscles to heal. How long did Sasha leave you hanging there she kept asking and he kept explaining that they’d split up to cover more ground, and she’d found him when he missed their meet-up time.

“I think that’s enough, Doc, quit fussin’ over me,” he tells her as he shifts on the bed to get up. “Get Sasha for me and I’ll head home, and don’t worry, I’ll keep it elevated.”

“Sasha left after she dropped you off Joel,” she leans back and points to the doorway, where one of the clinic staff has rolled in a rusted wheelchair. “We’re gonna take you.”

“I’m not getting in that thing.”

“Oh cut it out, you already got your tetanus shot.”

—

He gets out of the chair and stumbles up the front steps, forbidding them from helping him through the door and promising to elevate his leg and keep it that way, trying to keep his voice in a whisper and not disturb the house. He hops inside and his fears are immediately realized when he sees Tess waiting for him at the dining room table. Their eyes meet and they stare at each other in silence for a long while before she rises out of her chair and points to an empty one.

“I’ll get you some ice,” she says, walking into the kitchen.

Joel sits in the chair and Tess comes back in, motioning for him to put his leg up on the bench next to him, setting a cloth ice pack gently on his injured leg. She slowly sits down and resumes looking at him. A long silence passes between them.

“You gonna make me ask?”

“Ask what?” he says casually, then she pins him with a look and he drops all pretense, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sure Sasha already told you.”

“She didn’t tell me why.”

“Why? You already know that too.”

“I know you were out there at the farm, Joel, sneakin’ around, messin’ with her stuff, fuckin’ with her head, I don’t know what all you get up to. But why, Joel? Why?”

“What do you care, anyway?”

“Why can’t you leave her alone?” she hisses

“Why is that any of your fuckin’ business?”

Tess slams her hand down on the table and hisses, “You made it my business when you brought her into my house.”

“Your house, is it?”

“You’re goddamn right it’s my house, and I take care of everyone in it. I sent her to the farm to get some relief from you and your behavior, and you can’t show one ounce of self control? Who the fuck are you?”

“I don’t think–”

“No, you’re not thinkin’, that’s the problem,” she interrupts. He’s stunned into silence. “I’ve taken a lotta shit in my life, Joel, and I’ll keep taking it if it’s for the greater good. I’ve followed you around for years and I’m loyal, but I ain’t stupid. I see you slipping. Everyone does. Everything I’ve done for you, everything I’ve sacrificed for you… you gotta play your role.”

“I’m tired of it,” he whispers.

“You’re not tired of everything it gets you.”

He grumbles at that and mutters something like it doesn’t get me what I really want, and she knows he means you. She knows he still wants you, even when he pretends like he doesn’t. She sees the way he purposely avoids you and looks the other way when you come near. It’s all bullshit bravado, and she fuckin’ knows it. She knows he’s sad, lonely, heartbroken without you. But she needs him to either put up or shut up. Admit it or move on. She can’t have him stuck in this loop of destruction.

“Leave her be, Joel. It’s done with her, it’s over.”

—

Two weeks go by in a blur, Joel doesn’t sneak away to the farm, he avoids Amber at the Thursday meetings, he steers clear of you at the Sunday service. He goes where Tess tells him to go, meets with who she tells him to meet with. His leg heals well and he’s back on his feet much sooner than the doctor expected him to be. He spends his days working with the gardeners in town to get ready for spring planting, and the evenings working in his office to schedule patrols and plan maintenance for sections of the perimeter fencing.

He keeps his head down and keeps his mind occupied. He starts to feel better, and then he’ll lie in bed at night and he’ll hear the door to the tiny room across the hall close and remember you’re not there. It cuts like a knife in his hollow chest, the slow thumping of his heart echoing in its empty chamber. He feels bad for going the whole day without missing you and his stomach gets tied up in knots over everything that happened.

He tries so hard not to think of you, to keep his mind busy with anything else… until he can’t. Until everyone stands up as he introduces Bianca’s baby to the community and then everyone sits back down and there you are. You’re standing in the middle of a pew halfway back, staring daggers through him. Looking at him like he just slapped you in the face. He can’t help but look at you – for the first time in over two months – and watch you come undone.

He sees you run out of the sanctuary and only Tess’ iron grip clawing at his elbow keeps him from running after you. After the service he tells her he’ll meet them in the hall for lunch and she reluctantly leaves him, mouthing behave yourself as she goes.

And then you’re in front of him again, the both of you looking into each other’s eyes. There’s so much fire in yours, he hasn’t seen you look like this since the first day he saw them, backed into a corner of the clinic like a trapped animal, teeth bared and ready to pounce. You start snapping at him, biting him with your words, and he can’t fucking help himself. He bites at you right back. Every sharp barb of your tongue, every click of your fangs, he’s spurred on to hiss and claw in response. You call him a liar and then tell him you don’t care when it couldn't be more obvious that you do.

Why won’t you just admit that you care? Why won’t you just admit that you miss him? Why are you so afraid of the truth?

You brush by him, purposely knocking his arm with your shoulder as you exit and when he turns to follow you he sees Tess in the doorway. She walks up to him and he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until her arms close around him and he’s sobbing into her shoulder.

“She hates me,” he heaves.

“She doesn’t hate you, Joel,” she hushes.

“She does. She thinks that was my baby.”

“Did you tell her it wasn’t?”

“No,” he sniffles.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Cause I’m incapable of doing the right thing. I just keep fucking up,” he sobs. “I keep doing the wrong thing every fucking time. I grab her, I hurt her, I say the wrong thing, I fuck it all up.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” he wails.

“I do, I know why.”

“Why then?” Joel sniffles.

“It’s easier for you to push her away than it is to let her in.”

—

Joel is sitting in silence at the dinner table later that night, mindlessly picking at his plate, lost in his thoughts. The meal has long-since finished and the women are clearing the table, moving in and out of the kitchen and talking with each other. Beth is excitedly telling them about a barn cat who had kittens last year and everyone is gushing over the talk of adorable kittens.

Joel remembers Sarah finding two abandoned kittens after a soccer game one cloudy May afternoon, two flea-infested little rats hiding behind the practice field’s bathrooms. She’d carried them in her shirt back to him, all three of them crying, begging him to let her keep them. He said no a hundred times but still wound up driving all of them all the way across town to the only vet’s office open on a Saturday. Hundreds of dollars later they were stuffed full of medicine and food and were sleeping curled up in the crook of Sarah’s neck.

She told him she understood when he said they couldn’t keep them forever – allergies, he’d explained – but that didn’t stop big, fat tears from rolling down her face when she placed them into the arms of their new owners.

“You did such a good job taking care of them,” he’d told her, wiping away her tears. “You should be so proud. Look how big they got! You did that! You gave them a shot at a great life.”

“You did it too, dad,” she’d said, hugging him, telling him he also did a good job.

He didn’t do shit, he just couldn’t say no to her. And she thought he hung the moon. She thought he was some kind of a saint. Joel Miller, patron saint of disgusting, sickly little kittens. The man she thought he was… he could never be that man. Not then. Not now. Not after everything he’s done.

And then he realizes he’s sobbing again, at the dinner table, and everyone is staring at him.

“Y– You okay, Joel?” Beth asks.

“Yeah,” he sniffles. “I was just… thinkin’ about Sarah.”

“Who’s Sarah?” Kerri says.

“Can everyone give us a minute?” Tess says.

The room quickly clears and Joel is still sputtering and sniffling at the head of the table. Tess sits down next to him and he slides off his chair, kneeling on the floor and burying his head in her lap, tears rolling down his face and soaking her jeans. He’s muttering I can’t lose her too and sobbing and Tess thinks this might be it, he might finally be ready to face it.

“What’s wrong, Joel?” Tess asks gently.

“She left me, I fucked up and she left, I don’t deserve her, she hates me, I’m a monster and she hates me and I don’t do anything right and I just fail over and over and she can’t stand me and all I do is–” his cries, devolve into a blubbering mess.

—

It’s just before midnight and the house is dark and quiet. Only a lamp in the living room casts a glow on them – Tess and Joel on the couch – where they’ve been sitting and talking for hours. He’s finally calmed down, having talked through months-worth, if not years-worth, of feelings with her. Things they’ve already talked about, things she’s suspected but never had confirmed, and secrets they’ve kept even from each other. It felt cathartic, like a weight lifted from the both of them, and they sit in companionable silence before they head up to bed.

A loud, frantic knocking at the front door makes both of them jump. Tess goes to answer it and all Joel hears is a tandem of words, spilling out like a waterfall so quickly he can only catch some of them. Not in bed… looked everywhere… can’t find... He gets up from his seat and heads to the door, freezing when he sees Danny and Diego’s harrowed faces standing on his darkened porch.

“W– what’s goin’ on?” Joel asks, looking between the two men and Tess.

Tess grabs his arm, bracing him.

“She left.”

🖤

As always, muchas gracias to my amazing editor, @papipascalispunk for sticking with me through my highs and my lows, my slumps, and my manic incessant babbling about CJ.

TAGLIST (lmk if you wanna be added or removed) @strang3lov3 @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @covetyou @iamasaddie @sr-lrn @clawdee @theywhowriteandknowthings @beefrobeefcal @merz-8 @speckledemerald @alltheseperfectimperfections @survivingandenduring @afraidtofear @millennial-teenybopper @missladym1981 @xdaddysprincessxx @lumoverheaven @ghoulettesinspace @brittmb115 @wintersquirrel @obscurexsorrows @littlevenicebitch69 @lulawantmula @pedroswife69 @joeldjarin @heimtathurss @untamedheart81 @pixielou5 @feel1n-h1gh @elegantduckturtle @koshkaj-blog @vickie5446 @lilipads

#devotion series #cult leader joel miller #noxturnalpascal #ofc!reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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bella-goths-wife · 2 days

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I feel like we should have an actor au for the pet series where like the vees actors comfort the actor (who is the reader) after really distressing scenes I just like imagine vals actor being so sweet after the scene where val locked pet in a room with him to make her panic idk just a thought I would love to see because even though I luv the story line it always kills me when there is no comfort after things that happen even though sometimes they do comfort her it just makes me feel so icky and I feel like having an actor au will help people like me so that we can still enjoy it, with the reminder in the back of our heads that it is not real because even though its not real it still kinda feels real if you know what i mean because I get really immersed in x reader stories. I know this is a lot but just a suggestion no pressure I will still read and love it either way

I actually think this is a fun way to comfort the readers without straying from canon, I think I’ll probably do one for each of the characters each

Also they all have the same names as their characters :)

Vs pet actor au (Valentino version)

Warnings: val is worried, pet acts panicked, crying, non canon events,

“Come here princesa” val coos in his characters voice to your character as you act out a fake shiver of fear

You act out the scene of abuse with fake tears streaming down your face. The scene was one that you had been nervous about for weeks, having known that it was a disturbing scene to watch and film.

In the scene, vals character had locked your character in a room with him to imply that he would possibly assault her like he had done to angels character to cause her to panic and breakdown.

You and val had gone over lines together in your trailer and lamented about how it would be a rough filming day for the two of you, considering you had the punishment scene to film just after.

But you put on a brave face as you acted out your scene with minimal distraction. You followed the script and your weeping character sat beside Val on the soft couch as the camera did a close up on your face to ensure they captured the panic in your eyes and the quiver in your bitten lips.

as it came time for val’s character Valentino to touch your thigh in a menacing implication, he did so and you felt a shiver uncomfortably run through you.

You suddenly became hyper aware of the people behind the cameras who had their eyes peeled on you, and how the pink lighting shined so brightly on you.

As your cue came to jump into val’s arms, you froze completely with your face lowered to your thigh and tears running down your cheeks.

“Cut” the director called out and it broke you out your frozen daydream

“Everything okay kid?” Val whispers with a concerned look as he removes his hand from your thigh

“I don’t think I can do it” you whisper back through tears as you face your back to the cameras

“Everything okay up there guys?” The director called out with a concerned expression

Val uses his wings to hide your face and tucked you against his chest before he answered, making sure to spare you any embarrassment.

“We’re gonna need a 15 minute break” val called back politely “private please”

The director nodded with an understanding look before calling most of the set to go on a break away from the filming Scene.

Val turned to you and put a hand on your shoulder.

“Are you okay kid?” Val asks with a worried look as he pulls you away from his chest to observe your expression

“Yeah” you say with a shaky inhale as you wipe your tearful eyes with your palm “it all got a bit much for me”

“I get it kid, it’s a hard scene to film for everyone” val says with a nod and a soothing tone “that’s why I tried to put it off for as long as possible”

“I’m just not used to doing scenes like this guess” you say with a sigh “I had the same problem with Vox during our panic scene, I think it just gets too much for me”

“Your playing a very difficult role honey, it’s understandable that you’ll get a bit freaked out during your scenes” val says gently

“I can’t believe I made them stop shooting, I bet they’re all so mad at me now” you say with an embarrassed groan “I should have just continued”

“Hey, hey, no one is mad at you” val says with a reassuring tone “your having to put yourself in very disturbing scenarios, you have every right to stop filming when you feel uncomfortable and anyone who tells you otherwise hasn’t got a clue about how much work these scenes take”

You nod with a frown, still embarrassed about your freak out, Val notices and wraps his arm around your shoulder

“How about we go get some water and then go talk to the intimacy coordinator about how we can make it feel less overwhelming” val suggests with a smile “or we can try and ask if we could use your body double for the scenes where my hand is physically touching you”

“Yeah” you say with a small nod and a smile “let’s go talk to the intimacy coordinator please”

“Of course sweetheart” val says with a gentle smile as he wraps his hand and wing around your shoulders and begins to guide you to the door.

You managed to work out a way to make the scene to work after a few different attempts and you captured your best shots before retreating to your trailer with Val in tow as you both celebrated a successful scene by eating food while you had your wigs, makeup and costumes removed.

After that day, Val made it a point to always be present during your harder scenes and was always checking in on you during the breaks between takes. He also made sure to update the intimacy coordination on your preferences so they could be added to your filming contract.

You were the youngest of the actors he was working with, and he wanted to make sure you were completely protected while on set.

Should I do more?

Sorry it’s so short 😭

Tag list:

@the-faceless-bride @idontreallyexistyet @ivebeenthearchersstuff @hazbinhotelxreader @fandomaddict505 @corvid007 @buttercupfangirl @lilyalone @rerarlo @perkypeony @sparkleyfishies @repostingmyfavs

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bitchimasnake-sss · 2 hours

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Sleep nonnie again. Is it okay if I go by 🦊🌲 its easier.

Anyways I think it would be a funny scenario if you suggest to the op boys to keep their hands warm by putting them between your thighs. I know some boys would just get a heart attack if you suggest that and get a cute blush

say whAT NOW?? NONNIE HELLO AND WELCOME BACK!! (dm me so that we can be friends ur fic ideas are so out of pocket i love it); also, gonna add ace cause i see many ace thirsties out there ;)

let me warm you up ft. the monster trio//ace!

luffy:

💗when he agreed to this, he didn't know just what kind of uncharted territory he was entering. he was simply not prepared. you had given him such a soft smile, taking his hands into yours as gingerly, "luff, are you cold?" he had nodded a mindless yes because you were crossing a terribly cold patch of the sea and his hands were freezing. but then held his hand a bit tighter and whispered, "i can warm them up for you. if you like?" he was too drunk on the idea to see the mischievous glint in your eyes and the way you spurred him on with your honey-like voice.

💗so now, he sat in front of you, eyes blown wide and lips trembling as his hands rested between your plush thighs. you had squeezed your thighs shut around his restless hands, claiming that it'll get him warm in little to no time. but god, this was hard (much like something else) and he was trying his best to keep his fingers still and not do anything hasty, like digging it into your soft flesh and relishing in the way your body molded to his touches. or by trailing his hand a bit upwards and seeing the way you react. 💗"luffy??" you called out and captain shook his head as he crawled out of that daze like state, "y-yeah?" "you okay?" you mumbled, voice far too gentle. you fucking minx. "you seem like you're losing your mind." good catch! because he was. luffy abruptly pulled his hands backwards lest he do something that truly made him lose his sanity. he scrambled off of your bed, heading out the door into the chilly deck in long, skitterish steps. "where ya going?" you called after him but he rushed out, yelling after himself, "JUST GONNA WARM UP WITH USSOP INSTEAD BYE" did ussop have better thighs than you? you may never know.

zoro:

💚zoro was very stupid, very. he was not the smartest tool in the shed when it came to love or crushes or dating or cooking food or social cues or emotional intelligence or— i should stop before this turns into zoro slander [i promise i love him]. but now, the bounty hunter sat with his face flushed and hands tucked between your soft, malleable thighs. he was smarter than this, truly. he knew that when you suggested that he looked cold and you can warm him up, he was supposed to say "fuck no, get out." because having a crush on you was embarrassing enough on it's own. but you had given him such a gut-wrenching, pleading look. your eyes saddened and your lips fell into a pout and oh god, what was he, if not the man who would let you ruin him? 💚ever since he was a child, zoro had always known that he would die a noble swordman's death. he would die fighting, brave, courageous, unafraid. now, he was sure he'd die from the way you squirmed and pressed your thighs shut. "quit movin'" he grunted, looking away from you as your stared at him. but you tucked your arms against your chest and the soft swell of your tits fell forward towards him so deliciously. he must have lost focus and let his gaze travel against your body cause you coughed, drawing his attention back to your face, "quit starin'." he pulled his hands back, ears going red and heart faltering. he should really stop before he gave into the temptations and pinned you to the mattress to— his voice pitched up, "i-i'm going back to my room, bye." "zoro?!" you called after the swordsman as he ran out, "BUT THIS IS YOUR ROOM, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??" [spoiler: he went to chopper and crushed herbs to make medicine. he wanted to get rid of some of that tension but he failed. because he put the pressure too hard and the china dish in which he was crushing the leafy herbs broke, and now chopper was hitting him square in his head, talking about how important it was to be precise in medicine and how zoro will never make a good doctor. "stop hitting me— OW" "what KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU?" "IM A SWORDSMAN!" "YEAH CAUSE YOU CANNOT BE A DOCTOR!"]

sanji:

💙breath in, breathe out. breathe in, breathe out. breath in, breath out— "sanji?" you asked, a tinge of worry at his almost fainting figure, "are you okay?!" "my love, darling, sugar pie—" the man caught his tongue between his teeth, trying to stop his head from spinning. the floor seem to sway under him, the lights seemed too bright. was he flying or was it the blood rush?? "what did you just ask me?" you look down at the kitchen floor, mumbling with a bashful smile, "if your hands are cold...i can warm them up." his heart quickened as did his fingers. he chopped the bell pepper so hastily that you were sure you saw sparks flying. "and how would you do that?" "you can keep them between my thighs, if you like?" you looked up, "OH MY GOD SANJI YOUR NOSE—" 💙i hate to cut the story short but sanji 100% fainted and you had to catch him before he fell face-forward into the pot with boiling water on the stove. sorry, he gets no bitches :( but you did look after him on the bedside and let him eventually touch your thighs so... idk, a win is a win!!! ["so, is he like dead?" zoro had asked, uninterested, as you hauled the cook's figure outside the kitchen. you were dragging him to his room as the rest of the crew trailed you. they had heard your shriek and came spilling into the kitchen to see what the fuss was about. "did you give him a hug?" nami asked, amused. "hug's too much." ussop snickered, "she probably smiled at him." sanji whipped his head dangerously to glare at them, "i can hear you. and i will be poisoning your food." he looked back at you, "oh don't you worry, im still fainted." he closed his eyes, letting his forehead fall on your shoulder. you smiled to yourself, making a note to warm him up later]

ace:

🧡truthfully, how do you ask a man made of literal fire if you can "warm him up"??? you must have not thought you plan through because you had stood in his room a bit tipsy, locked the door behind you and asked a boy [who was always shirtless cause he was so warm] that question. "huh?" ace's eyes widened in pleasant surprise. he stood up to walk towards you, "what is that about? you wanna warm me up?" "NO!" you bit your cheek when you realized the implications of your words, "i was joking, obviously." "awh, i do love when you humor me." he quipped, "it's kinda cute." "shut up." you glared at him but he gave you an earnest smile back, "if you're cold, you could have just told me." he set his finger ablaze, acting suave, "see, i can warm you up." "you wanna set me on fire?" you seethed. "no?!" "why did you light your fingers on fire?!" "YOU ASKED A MAN MADE OF FIRE IF YOU CAN WARM HIM UP? DONT ASK ME QUESTIONS?!" "i'm drunk" you mumbled. after a beat you looked down at the floor, "and... i'm kinda cold." portagas d. ace just smiled, shrugging in mock nonchalance, "we can cuddle, if you like. i've been told i'm a pretty great heater." you laughed, "hah, hotshot." ace gave you a wicked grin, "how drunk are you?" "not nearly enough." just saying, portagas d ace was better than just a "pretty great heater." he was a pretty great fu-

a/n: i love writing stupid things so much. it makes me so happy because i'm a stupid little girl giggling and typing on her laptop when she should be doing work. tagging the ever lovelies: @bokutosbiceps (resident luffy enjoyer) and @help-i-lost-my-sock (resident ace enjoyer). if you wanna be added to the tag list, please let me know (//tell me your preferences and i'd tag you in those fics)!

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lillsisamarshmallow · 3 days

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Snippet of something I'm working on

~~~~~~~~

“We’ll just have to watch her, she’ll come with us.” The room erupted into objections at the statement, mine included, not that I think they care what I thought. “You're not serious.” “No.” “I’m not babysitting her.” I took offence to whoever said that. I turned to the voice, the man speaking was on the shorter side and he had long black hair with a wave to it. I could see the scars that littered his face, a land one ran from above his right eyebrow down to the bottom of his cheek, he wore a similar outfit to the others. They look like they're going to a funeral. “I’m not a baby.” I spoke loudly enough to get their attention. They all turned to look at me, The man glared intensely at me, making me weak in the knees. “Maybe you're not a baby, but you are proving to be an incredibly annoying brat.” He sneered in my direction with a mean look. Feeling brave I decided to play into it by leaning as far away from the guy who had a hold of me as I possibly could. I looked him in the eye as I stuck my tongue out snarkily and smirked at him. I watched his face change into confusion before warping into anger as he glared at me. He strutted towards me from where he was standing, I kept playing with fire as I did not let down my stance, he leaned down ever so slightly so his eyes were aligned with mine. His skin looked like porcelain, his features were soft despite his unruly aura. I noticed the small moles on his face.His mouth curved into a sinister smirk as he kept staring at me. “Put your tongue back inside that pretty mouth of yours… or. I'll. cut.it. off.” He warned. The blood drained from my face as I felt this was no longer a game of who had the smartest retort, he was serious. I quickly sucked my tongue back behind my lips before forcing myself to stand up straight.

~~~~~

Sometimes I had no words for what past me has written...

This is a small pice from something I've been working on recently, the project isn't anywhere near ready (One chapter finished) for me to feel ready to post it, but I though a little sneak peak wouldn't be too bad 🤗 😉

Let me know what you think!

#lills is speaking #lillsisamarshmallow #bts x reader #bts ff #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #namjoon x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #jungkook x reader #seokjin x reader #bts mafia au

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g0at0ad · 2 months

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biting clawing screaming crying desperate for more content about the lovely terrible mother-son relationship between Janeway and Kim. it's SO unhealthy I love it

#so youre a starship captain on your first assignment #youre a little nervous but you're confident. you deserve this #there's a young man on your crew roster. he's fresh out of the academy #but you have a good feeling about him so you send him to the bridge for his first post #suddenly its all gone to shit. you're stranded 70k light years from home and a lot of your crew is dead.#to make matters worse that young man has been kidnapped #you manage to get him back #but you're still stranded. theres a lifetime of travel in between you and home.#and you see that young man #who you KNOW has never been on a deep space mission before. never been home away for so long #whose parents called you just before shit went down to say he forgot his clarinet #you see him put on a brave face. and you know you have to get him home at all costs #star trek voyager #voy #captain janeway #kathryn janeway #harry kim #toadtalks

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void-tiger · 8 months

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Thinking about you, even when I can’t be around you, I want to be better, and want better for myself. I feel brave enough to be ambitious.

And when anxiety isn’t eating away at either of us? I can finally feel safe enough to be at rest. Not need to fade away or else be “on” all the time. (I still want you to feel as comfortable teasing me playfully and cracking jokes directly with me and letting yourself ramble that you are seemingly with everyone else, though. That’s how I truly know I’m connected to someone.)

In short, I miss you. And it has nothing to do with your travels.

#tiger’s musings #…I’m so damn smitten uuuuugh.#…BUT. clearly as much as it hurts. it’s also given me that Nudge to resume goals I had to set aside for years #due to mental and physical health stomping on me #and well. wanting a Newish Person having a good impression of you is a helluva motivator #buuuuut… there’s only so much steam Future Hope can give. (same as rage.)#I…really do need us to be able to talk and hang out now #sorry to be actually clingy but.#(…we’ll see. we’llseewe’llseewe’llsee.)#(he did finally acknowledge a stupid comment I made to an anti colonizers joke he made so there’s that)#((gosh. the more I Can learn about him. the more I like him.))#((and the little I don’t like I do think I can quietly say ‘hey so that actually upset me’ if he didn’t pick up on it nonverbally #(((it is. nuts. that things are 80% nonverbal. that this is how we’re largely learning eachother. and I do think it’s a twoway observation)#((and yeah. I feel like I’m going insane with that. BUT he’s either good at it or practiced at it #((and at this point I swear I know a lot of his Tells…while not knowing what he actually Likes #((BUT I think I have a good idea about what he values so))#((but…yeah. IF we can get out of this rut. I think he would truly listen to me and not get mad that I’m upset #((he and his family HAVE shown that they’re not phased by mental health whatsoever. even with me #((if anything. they’re more distant when I try putting on a brave smiling face #((instead of. say. getting a bit bossy or snippy.#((and…who’s actually like that?? what is this?? wHAT?!))#(BUT! Actual Verbal Commimication vs Nonverbal Is Hard.)

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yawnderu · 7 months

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Colonel!König x Reader

Colonel!König, who knew he wanted to marry you the moment he saw you come back from your first mission, covered head to toe in blood and dirt, yet as beautiful as ever.

Colonel!König, who makes enough money to spoil you with anything you'd ever want, and that's how he managed to win you over.

Colonel!König, who knew just how inappropriate your relationship was, yet all his morals went out the window for you.

Colonel!König, who always looked out for you in the battlefield despite knowing just how capable you are. There's a reason you were recruited for KorTac, anyway.

Colonel!König, who used his experience in the battlefield to teach you new techniques that could save your life when he wasn't on missions with you. He couldn't risk losing you.

Colonel!König, who took advantage of his rank for the first time ever to spend more time with you. Whether it was asking you to assist him with reports or inventory, he'd always have you by his side.

Colonel!König, who was teased about his little crush on you by Horangi, earning him a dirty look through the mask.

Colonel!König, who painfully had to hide his crush on you in fear of rumors going around and damaging your career.

Colonel!König, who allowed you to work hard for your promotion and didn't have anything to do with it, simply to show just how capable you are.

Colonel!König, who took you out for dinner and shopping after your promotion was announced, hiding it under the excuse that it's what a good colonel should for his soldiers.

Colonel!König, who seemed very polite the entire time of your day together despite the turmoil in his head.

Colonel!König, who practiced in the mirror how to start and keep a conversation with you despite communication being one of his strengths.

Colonel!König, who held in his laughter once your confused face looked up at him, not recognizing him without the mask and eyeblack.

Colonel!König, who had the best day of his life with you, buying you anything you even glanced at despite your protests.

Colonel!König, who was brave enough to put his hand on the inside of your thigh when he was driving you back to base.

Colonel!König, who was growing painfully hard when you made his hand cup your crotch.

Colonel!König, who had two of his massive fingers inside your dripping cunt, his cock already out as you jerked him off with expertise, happy that the ride back to base was long and lonely.

Colonel!König, who had to resist the urge to cum when your tongue was swirling circles on the tip of his dick as you jerked him off, bent over in the passengers seat.

Colonel!König, who insisted on taking you to a nice hotel for your first time together, wanting to make a special memory of what he hoped were more to come.

Colonel!König, who ate you out and fingered you for minutes before fucking you, making sure you came at least three times before he finally pulled his dick out, laying it down on your stomach so you could see how deep he was going to be inside you.

Colonel!König, who bit the inside of his cheek to resist the urge to laugh at your horrified face once you looked down at his length.

"That's it, mein Engel." He praised, rubbing the tip of his cock on the entrance of your folds, mixing your own arousal with his own. He looked at you for consent before he started slowly going inside you, stopping whenever he saw your discomfort only to be reassured that he could keep going.

"More..." You moaned out, and he didn't have to be asked twice. He was delicate and careful with you, your much smaller frame making him feel as if he was handling fine china, and in a way, he was. The bare hands that could murder enemy soldiers were now delicately rubbing and pulling on your nipples as he moved inside and out slowly, making sure your cunt would get used to the stretch of his fat cock.

"Such a good girl." He praised, one of his hands going down to gently rub your hardened clit as he started moving faster, your squelching cunt surprisingly taking him like a champ as his heavy balls slapped against your ass.

"Your tight pussy keeps sucking me in... can barely move." He confessed through gritted teeth, his eyes slightly narrowed as he struggled to move faster, fighting off the urge to cum until he dragged another orgasm out of you. His fingers rubbed your clit faster, groaning and panting once he felt your pussy tighten up, back arching as you welcomed your fifth orgasm of the day, yet there was more to come.

"Scheiße... let me cum in you, please, schatz...?" He didn't even know how he resisted the urge to cum for so long, yet as soon as you nodded your head, he started moving faster and faster inside you, basking in the way your tight hole was sucking him in before he pushed himself balls-deep, releasing his load all the way inside your fertile womb as your cunt milked him dry.

#cod mw2 #cod mwii #konig mw2 #konig cod #konig x reader #konig #cod konig #konig call of duty #konig modern warfare #konig fanfiction #könig mw2 #könig x reader #könig call of duty #könig cod #könig #call of duty #cod

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writingouthere · 2 months

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exboyfriend!Sukuna x f!reader.

cw: smut, outdoor sex, angst, controlling behavior.

Your date was a disappointment.

The guy wasn't an asshole or anything, but at some point he'd talked about cryptocurrency for ten minutes straight without you saying a word and there was no coming back from that.

"I had a great time," he tells you as you stand on the subway platform after finally escaping the restaurant. You nod noncommittally and wonder if this is the part where he asks for your number. You're calculating the risk/reward of giving him a fake number and having him potentially call it while you're still right in front of him when you hear a familiar laugh from behind you.

"I doubt it," the voice says and you close your eyes. Maybe if you wish hard enough you can develop teleportation and not have to deal with this.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" your date asks, his voice only wavering a little as he looks at your ex-boyfriend. Honestly, you admire him. The sight of the tall, heavily tattooed (alleged) criminal was usually enough to make people cross the street to avoid him but not this accountant? Investment baker? Dentist? Fuck, he'd talked about his job for thirty minutes and you had not been listening. You would have guilty if you weren't actively judging him for not even noticing your lack of engagement.

Whatever, he probably wasn't brave, he was probably just an idiot.

Sukuna seemed to agree as he laughed again and put his hand on your shoulder.

"I'm her boyfriend."

Your date looked at him, looked at you, and seemed to be weighing if this was worth one mediocre date. He seemed frozen for a second until Sukuna took a step forward and the guy's previously dormant survival instincts seemed to awaken and he booked it down the train platform.

Once he was out of sight, you took Sukuna's hand and dropped it off your shoulder like a fallen leaf that had got stuck on your jacket.

"Are you following me, now?" You wouldn't have put it past him. You turn to face your ex who looks not only unrepentant for his little routine but vindicated. Or maybe he just looks vindictive, you can never tell.

"Are you going on dates with any loser that asks?" He tosses back and you roll your eyes.

"You didn't even meet him."

"So, he wasn't a loser? And you weren't deciding if it was worth giving him a fake number and having him call you right then?"

You hated that he knew you so well.

"He seemed the type to call," you concede and Sukuna scoffs.

"Absolutely, that fucker is. Women have been giving that dumb fuck fake numbers since he was begging for them with his little Nokia flip phone."

"Is Nokia still a thing?" you ask and Sukuna glares at you.

"Do I look like Google to you? Hey, don't try to district me, princess. We were talking about how you seem to have gotten it into your mind that you can cheat on me with any guy with a pulse."

"I'm not cheating on, we're not together," you tell him as your train pulls up. You don't bother protesting as he follows you on it, even though you know the old apartment you used to share is in the other direction from your new place.

"The fuck we're not," he seethes. The other riders look at you and you see one or two guys deciding if it's worth trying to get involved but you're more concerned about the teenage girl who looks ready to fight this asshole for you. God, you loved women.

"You're making a scene," you tell him and he looks ready to make the scene Oscar worthy before you give him the look that used to make him not call your friends' babies ugly when you went to birthday parties.

"Where can we talk then?"

"I'm not taking you to my place," you say and he sucks his teeth.

"Then let's go home."

"You mean to your home."

Sukuna looks furious but you're not in the mood. You had just spent the past two hours on a terrible date, which made you think about how dating was just going to be like this until you found a new boyfriend or gave up, which then made you think about your break up and how up until a few months ago, you thought you would never go on a first date with anyone ever again.

You hated that Sukuna had put you here and you hated that you still loved him.

"I'm not leaving until we talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

You're so tired, Sukuna is so close and it's been so long since you got to smell him or feel his warmth. Your apartment was still barely furnished but everything in it was new and it still didn't feel like home. The one sweatshirt of his you'd let yourself take had stopped carrying his scent weeks ago, and just being close to him now, it made something in you relax. Like you were finally home.

"There fucking is," he hisses and now he's so close you can make out the scar on his jaw and the fullness of his lips. You used to tease him that you'd never met a man whose lips were as soft as his. He may have looked like tough shit, but you would never catch him out of the house without lotion and chapstick.

You wondered if he was still using the cherry chapstick you had bought him at the grocery store the week before you'd broken up.

"Are you going to marry me? Are you going to give me a baby?"

"Princess-"

"Then there's nothing to talk about," you say and you thank whoever's watching that the train is pulling up to your stop. You get off and Sukuna is right on your heels.

"You don't even want those things right now, why the fuck does it even matter?"

"I want them eventually and if you're not willing to give them to me, then I just don't think I need to keep wasting my time."

You're roughly dragged into a nearby alley and tossed against a brick wall. Sukuna's hand cups the back of your head, taking the force of the slam and you hate that he watches out for you even when he's being a controlling jackass.

"Being with me is wasting your time? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Not your girlfriend," you snap back. "Let go, I want to go home."

"Fuck you," he tells you and you're about ready to fight him, grown scary man or not when he leans down and his lips are on yours.

They taste like cherry chapstick.

His hand on the back of your head tightens, his thumb pressing against your neck and making you shiver. His other hand is pressed tight to your jaw and when you gasp against his mouth, he presses down as if he can hold you open and consume you so you can't leave him again.

His muscled thigh is in between yours and you can feel the rough texture of his jeans, the same pair he wore to work, the same pair you'd put through the washing machine a thousand times, rub against where your legs are only covered in tights. The shorter than usual skirt meant to entice your date, and instead it was being taken advantage of by your ex-boyfriend.

Sukuna let go of your face so he could put his hand underneath the fabric of your skirt.

"New outfit?" He teases as his hand slides to the top of your tights.

"Got it for my date," you snap and he growls at you before he rips the seams of your tights. Before you can complain, he's dragging them down your thighs and diving into your panties so he can get to your cunt. The underwear is new too and a pained noise leaves you at the sensation of them snapping against your inner thigh, both at the pain and the thought of how much they cost.

"I still have those blue ones you like at home, the ones you wore for my birthday last year," he tells you as he slides his finger down the seam of your cunt. You're wet and it annoys you because orgasming has been a bitch to achieve since you had to start giving them to yourself again.

"You can keep them," you tell him and he bites your lower lip between his teeth, they'd always felt too sharp for a man and you know you're a twitch or a less than playful nibble away from a busted lip.

"They're not really up for wearing anymore anyway."

You want to ask him what he means by that as he kisses down your neck and thrusts one finger into you, the slide almost unholy.

"So fucking wet, your cunt was always better at talking than you were."

The sensation of being filled even though it's not enough it's not enough begins to itch at your need to be satisfied as your mind fills in the gaps of his previous words.

You can imagine Sukuna in the bed you used to share, the dark blue sheets and the comforter covered in a black pattern that had reminded you of the marks that covered his body. One hand holding your favorite pair of panties and the other his big cock, that sometimes you missed even more than him.

Did he use the panties to jerk off with, the fabric just an expensive tissue for his cum? Did he hold them to his nose and pretend he could still smell your pussy on them in the bed that used to smell like both of you? You had tried watching porn and reading smut, the stuff you had relied on before you were together, and nothing compared to what it felt like to come from his fingers, his tongue, his cock.

The only times you had touched yourself when you were together were when Sukuna had wanted to watch, his commentary pushing you to the edge. He had always known what to say.

Good girl, now try two fingers for me. Not enough? Do you need my cock? Fucking slutty princess, eh?

No matter how demeaning his words were, you had never felt true shame because his desire for you was always apparent. Sukuna never held back praise where he felt it was deserved, and he had always been quick to let you know that what you were doing was pleasing him.

"Pay attention to me, princess. I'd hate to think I was boring you." The words are laced with cruelty and the added pressure of a second figure is harsh, too soon, and still not enough.

The hand in your hair tightens, but the grip still careful not to mess it up beyond repair. Something you'd been adamant about in the beginning days of your relationship. The gentleness of it, of him, makes you cry out.

Since Sukuna was the only one who still seemed cognizant of how you were in an alley, only a right turn from being on a public sidewalk, he was quick to catch your moan in his mouth. Nearly purring in reply, a ridiculous thing for a ridiculous man to do.

"Fuck, that's it. No one else can make you feel like this, this cunt is fucking mine."

"Yes," you hiss out in agreement. Pleased with your concession, Sukuna's thumb swipes over your clit as he continues his punishing rhythm with his fingers. You can hear how wet you are as it echoes off the brick around you. Even though it's cold outside, you feel almost too hot between the warmth of his body shielding yours from the world around you and the heat that's continuing to build up in your core.

"So close, I know you are. Beg me, princess and I might let you come," he whispers in your ear and you would feel embarrassed of the whine you let out if you weren't so close.

"Please, Sukuna. Please, let me come!"

"I don't know. Not sure if I should reward you since you've apparently being going around giving this pussy to fucking anyone."

You shake your head. "No, I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up."

Sukuna kisses you so hard, you're grateful for the hand behind your head because you know his knuckles must be bruised from the force he kisses you with. Sukuna pulls back, a string of saliva connecting his lips to yours and you hate that you find that hot. That this whole thing is hot.

For a second, the softness in his eyes takes your breath away and you almost forget about where you are and what you're doing and why it's the worst idea you've ever had. He's just Sukuna, the love of your life and you miss him so much.

You think he might say something crazy like he loves you or even propose but then the softness is gone and he just grins at you.

"Alright, come then, you've earned it."

With permission granted, Sukuna focuses his attention on your clit in just that way you like in the way that only someone who's done this hundreds of times could do. He's definitely leaving hickies around your collarbone and neck, but for now they feel good and when you come, you bite your lip knowing it will be bruised. A reminder of how you're an idiot when you look at it in the mirror tomorrow.

Still soft with your orgasm, you reach down to return the favor but Sukuna grabs your hand.

"I'm not walking around with cum in my jeans," he tells you, kissing your palm. Typical of him, to end something crass with something sweet. You sigh as he puts you back down on the ground. You pull up what remains of your tights, the fabric uncomfortable on your quickly drying thighs. Your ripped panties lie on the ground and Sukuna looks at them forlornly before shaking his head, dirty alleyway panties apparently being too much even for him.

Sukuna grabs the bag you'd dropped when he'd kissed you and gestures for you to exit the alley. A few passersby give you strange looks but you figure if you were going to be arrested for public indecency, it would have happened already.

"I guess we're going to mine," you say. "I live like another two blocks this way."

"I know," Sukuna says already heading that way.

You blow a piece of hair out of your eye. "Of course you do."

When Sukuna actually types in the passcode to your building you almost lose it, but you're tired and honestly you had kind of expected to just come home to him already in your apartment at some point. Sukuna had never been great at respecting boundaries. Or the law.

You unlock the door to your apartment, it takes everything in you not to ask if he already has a key. You don't want to know. He follows you in and the two of you sit at the dingy two person table you have set up by one of the only windows.

"Cozy."

"Fuck you." He smirks in that way that has always made you want to punch him and you're reminded that you're currently wearing shredded tights.

"Sukuna, you wanted to talk. So talk."

The smirk leaves his face and he looks at his nails, pressing his thumb against the one on his pointer finger and then looking through the 'o' formed there. "You left."

"I did."

He looks at you. "Why?"

"You know why," you say, tired again.

"Sure, you want to get married at some point. You want a baby at some point. I don't see what that has to do with us, right now."

"Because right now leads to that some point. It doesn't just happen. There are things I want, that are important to me. If they're not important to you, then I need to find someone who has the same priorities as me."

"Because I'm not your priority," he says and this is the rehash of an argument you'd had a thousand times. Sukuna was selfish and possessiveness and while that had always granted you a certain security, it had also been a chain you'd constantly worn around your ankle. You weren't going to defend your time at work or with friends to your boyfriend. That belonged to a different time, to different women and it had been a nonnegotiable early in your relationship that he figure that shit out with himself.

"Sukuna, I love you but I'm not going to give up what I want for my future because you don't want it. You don't have to want it, in fact I appreciate that you've been honest about it-"

"So appreciative, you left me," the words are almost snarled and you sigh.

"That's not fair. You can't be mad I want something else, the same way I'm not mad that you want something else. It's not a character flaw to not want to get married, or to not what kids. It just means you have a person out there for you who shares that view. Because it's not me."

"Why can't it be enough to just have a life with the two of us?"

"It's not about whether or it's enough, it's about me wanting something else."

There's a pause. Sukuna claws at the dents already in your battered table and deepens the grooves as you try not to flinch at the sound of his nails bearing down on wood.

Finally, he responds. "You know, I spent my childhood, my teens and a lot of adulthood raising Yuuji because our piece of shit parents couldn't be bothered and let me tell you. It's fucking hard. It is constant and they need so much for you. I didn't do anything but work and watch him for almost two decades and I don't want to do that again. I want my own life."

"I understand," you tell him. "That was a lot, even if you did a great thing by taking him in."

"It wasn't because I was nice. You seem to be forgetting that I'm a murderer. And you want me to fucking watch Bluey with some brat."

"You may not be nice but you do right by the people you care about. I also don't think you've murdered a baby, it would probably be okay."

"That's more incidental than a conscience choice," he says and you know he has to hear how ridiculous he sounds.

"Alright. I respect your decision but for what it's worth, we're not kids anymore and you wouldn't be doing this alone. I think Yuuji turned out pretty great because he had you, and I think any kid of our would be lucky to have you as a dad."

"You would really do all that with me," he says and his voice is as close to wonderous as you've ever heard it. "You really are a lost cause."

You try not to react, remind yourself that this is always how Sukuna responds to affection. He'd laughed at you the first time you'd told him you loved him. You'd punched him and broken your hand on his chin. He'd told you he loved you in the ER as the attendant resetting your hand looked on in horror.

"I think that's enough for today. Thanks for stopping by and for the orgasm, appreciate it," you say, rising from the chair. You walk the short trip to your door and open it. "Hope you have a safe trip home."

Sukuna stays seated. "That's it?"

"Yeah, Sukuna, that's it."

"And if I said I could do this, I could give you those things."

You think about it and look him over. How his hands twitch as if only his ego is preventing them from clenching. The clear trauma that was informing his previous stance.

"I'd say take some time and maybe talk to someone. I don't want to do this with someone who can just bring themselves to bear it. I want them to be as excited as me."

"That's asking for a lot from a guy."

"But someone will do it." Sukuna looks angry again and when he steps in your space, you push him gently away with your hand. He goes to hold it and even the familiar scrape of his calluses against your skin can't make you waver.

"Bye, Sukuna."

Sukuna looks at you, waiting for you to give in you know but you won't.

He leaves without another word.

When the door to the stairwell slams shut, you finally let yourself cry.

----------

It's been a month since you've seen Sukuna and you're on another date.

The guy is unoffensive. He gave you a hug when you met up and he'd made a joke about the plethora of other couples at the restaurant. You two started playing a game where you tried to guess how many dates each couple had been on?

"Three, she's finally figured out she can't put up with how he chews no matter how nicely coiffed his hair is," your date says as you take another sip of your drink.

"That's a second date, his chewing is a commit or quit type of deal and she looks ready to go. Bet they didn't eat together on their first date."

"Is he telling the plot to Dune, he has not stopped talking since we sat down," he says and you giggle despite yourself.

You've just started on the couple both looking determinedly at their phones by the window when your phone rings.

"Sorry, I need to take this," you say and he smiles.

"No worries, I'll let you know how many times she misses her mouth while looking at her phone."

You wave as you go to stand outside. You take a deep breath and then answer.

"Hey."

"Hey, princess. Bad time?"

"No, just, what do you want?"

"Well, I'm planning this first date with this girl and I'm having trouble figuring out how to explain something."

You want to throw up, what kind of test is this?

"What do you want to say?"

"Well, I've heard that it's important to be straightforward with your intentions, so you don't waste anyone's time."

"And what are your intentions?" You manage to spit out and he laughs, his smugness almost seeping out the phone.

"Well not anytime soon, but eventually I think I'd like a little brat. You know, prove to Yuuji that he wasn't a fluke."

You heart is pounding and you hate him. You love him.

"Uh huh."

"And I guess it would probably be easier to do that if we just got married. You know, taxes, healthcare, I still don't have healthcare but my wife will and I've heard you can add people to that."

"This proposal is the fucking worst one I've ever heard," you say, trying to ignore the fact you are now crying in front of a restaurant. People walk by giving you pitying looks, probably think you got stood up.

"It's not a proposal, it's a framing of intent."

"Why do you talk like such an old man, we are almost the same age?"

"Why do you talk like such a brat?"

"You know-"

"Probably," he says and you laugh despite yourself.

"So when is this date?"

"Tonight," he says. "You can wear that dress you're wearing, it looks perfect on you."

"Are you fucking here, you creep?"

"That's no way to talk to your future husband and no. That place is a shithole, I'm at our usual."

"Good, I've missed it. No one makes my drink the way I like it," you tell him and he hums.

"Well, it will be waiting for you when you get here. So get here soon."

"Alright, I'll see you soon."

Sukuna hangs up and you stand there. There's a perfectly nice guy inside. One who makes you laugh and who maybe one day you could grow to love.

But there's another guy across town who is sitting at your favorite restaurant, ordering your favorite drink. His lips taste like the organic chapstick, he claims to be too tacky to be worth wearing but keeps it in his pocket anyway. He built all your furniture and let you paint your bathroom green even though you live in a rental. He's held your hair back when you were sick and cleaned it up even as he bitched at you for the mess and done a rather cruel impression of you retching.

There's another guy that you love.

So you go back into the restaurant to tell your perfectly nice date that something has come up.

Maybe you're a fool, but what else could you do?

Maybe this will be a series, idk. Being an adult is weird. This is def ooc but you know, let me work through things and call them fiction. That's what this account is for.

#jjk sukuna #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen #sukuna x reader #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x you #jjk smut #jjk #sukuna

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gremlingottoosilly · 6 months

Text

What lies within (Tentacle!Monster!Konig x fem!Reader)

It's mating season for monster hybrids. Unfortunately for you, the colonel didn't have time to dump his eggs everywhere. TW and tags: Non-con, size difference, oviposition, monster hybrids, forced breeding, belly bulging, yandere Konig, possessive Konig, tentacles, double penetration. Word count: 3278

The brave new world of opportunities for monsters.

The illustrious life for those who are not afraid of being a hunter in the billion flocks of weak, stupid prey.

There are endless possibilities for the ones who decide to serve in the various armed forces specifically tailored to monsters.

And loads of other bullshit that König had to endure every day on the briefs. Propaganda, advertisement, and weak attempts to make a new generation of monster hybrids abandon their old ways and join either army or contracting forces, making them glorified mercenaries. Jaided and disillusioned, the colonel long abandoned the thoughts that service can be fun, that it can bring him something other than money and occasional bullets in various places.

“Most inclusive workplaces for monsters,” his ass. They were fed bullshit on top of other bullshit, and he is already tired of war – but there isn’t much he can do besides it. The payment is nice, he gets to eat his enemies and tears through entire units of squishy, weak humans who make perfect snacks from their useless fucking bodies.

— So. Abandoned by your team, ja?

Unfortunately for him, sometimes war operations meant that he was not supposed to eat prisoners – he was supposed to take them, hoard them into rounds, and send them for either ransom or whatever higher-ups wanted to do with them. Sometimes, it’s torture for information, sometimes, it’s attempts to bring them to their side if they are worth it.

Sometimes, he just looked in the eyes of a soft, squishy little prey and just couldn’t bring himself to pull the trigger.

Well…” sometimes” is a very big word. He had never once thought about keeping the POW for himself before he met this stupidly beautiful, soft nurse with a perfect face, nice pair of legs in that ugly baggy uniform, and the most beautiful scent in the entire…

He never thought of keeping the prisoner for himself before he met you.

It was supposed to be an easy mission for you – he can see it from your lack of normal armor. Either you had no idea that KorTac had their own plans for whatever you wanted to do here, or your contractor is extremely cheap. He likes either way – you smell like a human, and he likes dumb humans who would make perfect victims. You smell and look weak, trembling, perfect fucking pray for someone like him. König didn’t feel the need to transform for this battle. Your team ran away like a bunch of bunnies before he ever fired his first shot, but he could still feel his tentacles slowly stir under his hood. He can feel his body transforming without the need to – and he feels the pressure in his lower stomach.

When was the last time he was able to put his eggs somewhere other that cold, unforgiving air?

Even the bagginess of your uniform doesn’t obscure him from looking at the sway of your hips, at the perfect surface of your tummy, and feeling the smell of your ripe, fertile body. Having a strong sense of smell always came like a curse in the team of monsters where showering after a mission isn’t something that is done by many, buy König can appreciate his nose now – he can smell how perfect you are for breeding. How scared, too.

Poor thing, probably terrified of his. König knows how he looks, even in his human form – tall, broad, bigger than any man you saw before, so much more muscular that even with your military training as a combat nurse, he could still break your spine with one hand. His size is something that made it impossible to find a partner normal ways – monsters are naturally too dominant to ever submit to him, and humans are simply too scared to deal with someone like him. He isn’t surprised, no – if anything, he understands completely.

You sob, your voice is melting with incomprehensible pleas and little whines. You are shaking under him – a poor, dumb girl who wasn’t aware that her best shot at surviving was to try and shoot his crotch off before he pulled a gun out of your hands.

— Pl…please, you can’t…you can’t do this! It’s a crime, I was on medical duty, it’s…

König likes humans because they are dumb. Civilian humans are even cuter – run around, thinking their lives are protected by sets of laws and rules that, in fact, don’t apply to the strong – and you, in your full half-military half-civvie glory, are fucking perfect. You whine and sib, tears running down your face when he presses you under him. Your hand hits the hard rocks of the ground, and he shifts slightly, dragging you closer to a softer patch of grass.

He laughs when you are trying to scramble from under him, your lower half is pinned by his weight – he is surprised you can still move. You move your pelvis, trying to get out – and he moans quietly when you start rubbing your crotch against his. You freeze, fear spreading on your face – god, he missed that feeling. When was the last time he got to actually breed someone? Or even just have sex with someone as cute?

— You really think so, Schatzen? That rules will protect you?

He moves his crotch against yours, making you sob a bit more. You’re sweet and compliant, and he just loves breaking soft things like you – it’s a desire to break, to destroy, to make you his. He knows that, technically, forcing himself on women from enemy lines really is a war crime. He also knows that if he’d managed to breed you with his eggs, monster laws would never allow you to separate after mating.

Besides, it's not like he is going to let you go, so you could tell on him. König never believed in love at first sight, but you would be a perfect vessel for his eggs and his tentacles – what else would he need from a wife, right?

— You’re pretty.

He says plainly, his hand goes to rub your chest through the fabric of your uniform. You won’t need those ugly clothes anymore – he’d make sure to buy you something nice and frail that won’t make you too uncomfortable to carry his eggs. Maybe a soft, frail dress or some of those cute maternity clothes when your body starts to change. He can’t wait to see his breasts swelling with milk – even if his unfertilized eggs won’t need it, he certainly would. Even if you’re too weak to handle his load, he’d make sure to get you a nice, firm plug and keep you on his tentacles constantly.

You start to sob even more when you understand what he is trying to do – when he rips your pants to reveal the softness of your cunt and the fragility of your [anties, you actually manage to push your legs against his dick a good few times. He is too aroused to notice – if anything, he likes how fiery you are, your little yells and loud screams for help. No one will come to aid you – he barked the orders for his soldiers to go and fuck around somewhere else while he was busy devouring his little prize. Colonel doesn’t like having an audience – if anything, he is saving your dignity right now. If anything, he is remarkably soft when he pushes one of his long, red tendrils down your body, massaging your pussy through your panties.

You’re moist already when his tentacle finds a way to your labia. What a slutty nurse you are – getting off the enemy colonel breeding you in the middle of the battlefield. Your tears mean nothing when he is too busy massaging and pressing and playing with your sticky, puffy folds – poor girl, so deprived of attention that even the weird texture of his extensions only fuels your desire.

So fragile, so perfect – and so, so wet that your adorable white panties are already become transparent, sticking to your soft pussy. When he takes you home, he’d make sure to forbid you from wearing any underwear at all – you would meet him dressing in nothing but his shirts, a hand on your tummy to support the weight of your eggs. Walls of your pussy clenching on the plug he’d make to insert in you every morning.

— Don’t…please, don’t, n…

You whine ever so sweetly, trying to close your legs so he won’t be able to touch you. It’s futile, just one of his tendrils is ten times stronger than your hands. He gets through your closed legs, buried in the moistness of your sweet, perfect pussy. You taste heavenly – just one minute enough to make him hungrier than before. König’s mating season was often postponed due to constant adrenaline rushes and things he takes to enhance his battle abilities – but he can feel eggs pressing at the inside of his body now, preparing to be released in the sweet heat of your body. But he has to prepare you first.

— Quiet now. It won’t hurt unless you want it to.

His tendrils are coming to moisten your pussy even more – sweet numbness filling your body from the lower stomach and right to your head. Knowing that you must feel dizzy and just a tad bit dumb, König can’t wait but chuckle. He likes you empty-headed, adorable dumbness in your eyes. He knows that he doesn’t know you, that you might even already have a boyfriend on the civil side of your life – but he doesn’t care. His mind doesn’t easily fall for just anyone, but if he saw a perfect vessel in you, there is no escape. At least he is nice enough to be gentle.

You whimper slightly when he pushes the first tendril inside of you. Too impatient to use his hands or tongue to make you feel a bit more at ease – after all, you are still on the battlefield, even if your friends abandoned you to get picked up by KorTac. Too impatient to soothe you with his words, he uses one of his smaller, thinner tentacles to push your pussy walls, make you squeeze him and milk for all his worth. You are wet, but not enough to take him without crying. Hot and soft, the cold texture of his extensions contrasts with your body too much – you are shaking, he can feel slight vibrations at the soft walls of yours.

Fitting him like a glove, too perfect to exist – he just wants to take you with him, to flip you on your tummy and push all of his tentacles inside. You’re tight and warm, you make him go crazy from desire. It’s weird how a strong and mighty colonel can be so charmed by just some enemy nurse, but when you whine slightly and try to adjust your body to fit more comfortably under him, he just knows that he has to take you. That, no matter how much you are crying and praying for him to stop, you want to be used by him. Perhaps, with certain training, you would want his eggs, too.

Second tendril caught you by surprise. Just when you started to adjust to the weird, slimy feeling of something writhing inside of you, spreading your tight walls around it and clashing with the heat of your insides, a second, bigger one started to press on your clenched folds. You wanted to beg, to ask him to stop – you’re too tight for this, too small, you would never be able to take even just one of his tentacles, you were…

But his tendrils press easily, he accesses lube spreading between your legs. You are sobbing from the feeling, and he is laughing. His hand goes to rip the upper part of your clothing, revealing your midriff. Fingers pressing on your tummy, just to feel his tentacles inside – he laughs when the skin of your stomach is tensed up, revealing the outlines of his extension. God, he can’t wait to make your body swell from him. Even though the eggs are not bearing his children, he can imagine you and a bunch of little ones – you’d look much better like this than pretending to be a nurse. Honestly, what were you even trying to do on the battlefield?

— Stay still, ja?

— Too much! Please, n…no more…

— Poor thing. You’ll feel so much better after I add the third one.

He knows that he is overstepping a bit, that your body isn’t used to taking something as big as his tentacles – but König also knows that his pre-cum makes you feel dizzy warm. Acting like a natural aphrodisiac, you won't be able to resist relaxing under him. The lubricant is enough to allow his other tentacle to force himself in your ass – he isn’t going to breed that hole yet, but it doesn't mean that he can’t use it.

He groans loudly when your asshole clenches around him – he had to stretch you quite a bit, that sweet numbness of his precum isn’t making you relaxed enough to take him whole, but he is managing, one agonizing centimeter after another. At the point you’re out of breath, with your face all flushed, he already knows he fucking won – he knows that you, poor, fragile thing, isn’t going anywhere. He would say that he feels horrible about forcing you like this – but this is the start of a new, better life for you. Being the bride of a monster of his rank is a dream for any lowly human like you. Can go as far as to say you’re lucky he ever laid his eyes on you.

— Stop, please…’s too much.

— You feel good, Katzen. Relax, and you’ll be even better.

— I don’t…please, just let me go, I…

— Is this your first time with a monster?

— Yes.

— Gut. Would break you in for me.

He laughs at your whimpers, his hand goes to cradle your face in an almost soft expression. He gently presses his fingers across your skin, making you all nice and warm for him – he wants to kiss you all over, but the only thing he can do in his more monstrous form is to press one of his shorter tentacles against your lips, mocking the way normal people kiss. You sob, but he presses the tip on your mouth, passing it through your teeth – you would feel better after ingesting his pre-cum, can even clench around him so more, chasing your own pleasure.

König wants you to feel good, so he presses his hand against your face, allowing you to tremble and cry as much as you want. He wants to be nice to you, so his other hand presses on your clit, finding the tense bud and breaking the nothingness between your legs. You tremble even more when he starts to spread your folds around his fingers, both of his tentacles working to milk your holes and spread you as much as possible.

He whispers sweet nothings in your ear when both of the tendrils working on your pussy suddenly change their direction – they start to spread your walls instead of just fucking it. You feel exposed and vulnerable, he can see the pink flesh and glossiness of your cunt. It’s embarrassing for you, and he knows it – but god, you’re too fucking perfect to pass.

You don’t even manage to ask him what he is doing when you feel something much larger pressing against your pussy. The biggest of his tentacles – almost as thick as an arm, pushing inside of you. He had a purpose, a desire to do something with you that you could never understand – silly humans know nothing about his biological need to push his eggs somewhere, of course, but you’re just fucking perfect. Too perfect to pass on this opportunity.

You plead and cry when he presses further, a little bump on your tummy is obvious now, with each centimeter of his tendril pushing. When he finally bottoms inside of you, pressing directly against your cervix, you are too fucked out to even think.

It’s painful, you think. Three thick tentacles roam inside your pussy, pushing and grinding against your gummy, tight walls – and another one of his extensions in your ass, writhing and massaging your insides.

It’s pleasurable, you feel. The tentacles are uneven, cold, each little bump makes you cry out from pleasure, the overwhelming feeling is something you could never achieve with a normal dick. He cradles your face and chuckles softly when you moan and cry at the same time when he gently presses his red tendril against your soft lips, and you part them because you don’t want to resist anymore. Because you can’t resist anymore.

— So good for me. Such a good girl, liked being fucked by the enemy.

— I don’t like it! He laughs at your misery, pushing his tentacles back only to fuck you harder. He can feel the tension multiply in his stomach – he feels the movement of eggs forming from inside and pushing down the biggest one of his tendrils.

When you first feel the pressure of an egg in your pussy, you want to scream.

You scratch on his hands like a wild cat, clenching on him like crazy. If he didn’t see horror and shock on your face, he’d think you wanted him. You are tight, tighter than you were before – your pussy is closing around him, not letting him go, and he can only smile to himself when he feels every little bump sending electric shocks right into your core when you feel his eggs traveling from the start of his tendrils down, to your soft, welcoming womb.

God, you will look perfect, all swollen and helpless – he can bring you a fucking collar, maybe push you on his lap and parade you as his precious wife for everyone to see. His scent lingers on your body, no matter if you want it or not. Silly human, you try to fight him like you didn’t lose the moment you let him pin your body. So perfect, he thinks of where you were before he found you. How many partners do you have, and how well would you play the role of his little breeding machine.

He massages your tummy, with each egg taking its place in your womb. Soothes tense skin and whispers sweet promises in your ear when you cry and try to push him away. So perfect, so sweet for him – he doesn’t know the fuck he lived without you.

When the last egg takes its place, making you bulge from all the weight inside of you, he can finally calm himself down enough to bring his human form partially. When he finally retracted his tentacles from your tired, sensitive body, not forgetting to press against your clit a good few times to prolong your unwanted, exhausting orgasm, he could finally press a kiss on your lips.

You’re a mess – torn clothes, covered in cum and thick transparent slime, trembling and crying softly. You close your pussy around every one of his eggs like a good girl, and he knows you would be a perfect mating partner – but god, you need a good shower and soft mattress so he can try to fuck you again in his human form, and steal all the hugs and silly affections he wanted.

— Will you let me go?

He laughs, picking you up swiftly. So fragile in his hands, he doesn’t even want to think about letting you roam freely.

— Of course not, Schatzen. Just get used to it, ja?

#cod #konig x reader #yandere konig #konig #cod x reader #call of duty #cod x you #konig mw2 #reader insert #yandere cod #male yandere

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cherry-leclerc · 2 months

Text

pride ☆ mv1

genre: smut, established relationship, stubborn!max, jealous!max, humor, fluff

word count: 3k

After his DNF, Max finds himself losing his temper when you keep insisting that it was his fault. Due to both ends, you find yourself in a constant battle on who can admit defeat first.

nsfw warning under the cut!

18+... gym sex - that's all teheee

req!...super fun to write, thank u, anon for the idea !!

He never liked to be pointed out as the one who did something wrong on track. Then again, he rarely ever made those types of mistakes. Max got along with everyone on the grid, but he was there to win. And he certainly did not need his girlfriend reminding him that he’s human, just like the rest of the drivers.

“Just admit it already, you fucked up this time. You cut him off.”

A DNF was as bad as it could get, his mood quickly deteriorated as he bangs his helmet against the wall. If you weren’t used to his dark behavior, then you would have definitely worried. Instead, you tap your foot impatiently with a deep sigh, eyes rolling with strong annoyance. You didn’t like to see him like this, but it drove you crazy that he could never own up to his wrongdoings.

The Dutch harshly rips off his balaclava, dirty blond hair sticking against his angry face, normally baby blue eyes switching to a devilish color. “You’re such a…” A deep growl. “He cut me off, and that’s what got us both out of the race. What a fucking dick.”

Your brow raises up, pointing at him with accusement. “My thoughts exactly.” Turning on your heel, you spin around and walk out of his driver's room, leaving him to sulk like a manchild. Stupid, Lando.

As soon as the race ends, you sheepishly make your way to the young Brit. “Is he mad?” he asks. You shrug as if you care about what your boyfriend is feeling at this very moment. Max wasn’t the kind to get mad, he got furious.

“He’ll get over it. Though I do suggest you run the opposite way if you spot him.” He laughs, eyes crinkling with agreement. After apologizing on behalf of the grumpy Dutchman, you hurry off to find him. Propped up against the door frame, you nervously play with the hem of your dress as you inch your way closer. You can practically see the color red blooming out of him as he smiles bitterly.

“And where were you?” His voice expands softly, it makes your stomach churn, but you put on a brave face nonetheless, refusing to give in to his ego. It doesn’t matter. He chuckles, rolling his tongue against the inside of his cheek, head shaking in disapproval. “Aren’t I the one you should be consoling? I don’t see why you had to go see him.”

Your eyebrows narrow down sharply. “Max, you’re being a fucking baby, you caused the crash! Lando was just unlucky and I went to let him know, is that so wrong?”

The Dutch fumes, jaw clenching. “You can go see him, I don’t give a fuck, but stop saying it was my fault. He closed in on me.” You scoff, arms crossed. “This is pure bullshit.”

“Whatever, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m glad you’re alright,” you sourly say, pushing past him to go and retrieve your things, getting ready to leave back to the hotel. His nose twitches, following after you. Neither of you utter a single word, simply packing and strolling out the door. As soon as the media gets involved and Lando walks by with a shy smile and wave, he instinctively grabs your hand, leading you through the tight crowd with a bright smile, despite his crash.

Setting aside your differences, you’re grateful for his sweet gesture, even if it laces with a bit of possessiveness. The drive is tense, only the sound of the blinker being heard. You try adding some music, but as soon as he turns off the radio, you turn to him, hair slapping your flushed face. “Why did you do that?” Your hand slides back up, turning it on. He repeats his same actions, leaving you to burn lasers to the side of his head.

“Your music is complete shit.” Surprised by his cold tone, your right eye twitches like a crazy person before turning your attention back towards the road. He feels bad. He’s not mad at you, not even at his friend. But he wasn’t the biggest fan of letting his team down, and much less, owning up to it.

Pushing the door open, you march in, making your way to the bathroom, ready to shower off the irritation. Max trails after you without a second thought, then you slam the door right on his face. He blinks. He can hear you turning the water on, stripping down. “You’re taking a shower by yourself this time, you dickhead.”

The next few races run smoother as he finishes in first place for most of them. All of them, actually. But his wins aren’t worth it in the end. Not with your rigid congratulations, forced kisses as you wait for him along with a puddle of photographers. It shouldn’t strike him as strange; you were still upset. For a second, he considers putting his pride aside and try to fix things, make amends, but when you mumble next to him, he quickly throws that out the window.

“Baby finally got fed his bottle.”

All his pent up emotions came rushing back as you wear an innocent smile. With a sullen glare, he walks out, leaving you to gloat. Two can play that game.

Here’s the thing with yours and Max's relationship; it was amazing. A fucking dream. You loved each other like crazy, but when you both get into an argument, it can drag out for the longest time. Your friends had pointed it out countless times, accusing you two for being freakishly stubborn. Oftentimes, he’d be the first to give up and apologize, and sometimes it was you. Only this time, it looked like a long haul.

It was a weird dynamic. He still kissed you goodbye, reminded you how much he loved you. You still attended his races, glowed with sincere happiness for every podium of his, but apart from that, you two still held on to your end of the rope. And it’s been so long. One month? Maybe two?

“Four fucking months,” Max grunts, large hands fixing his drinking straw that connects to his suit. The Dutch is clearly frustrated, Checo could tell as he warily eyes his teammate. The Mexican driver poured out an amused chuckle. Max curls a dark brow. “What?”

Checo halts. “Nothing, man. You’re just being so…how do I put this nicely?” He clicks his fingers enthusiastically. “You’re acting like a douchebag. Puras pendejadas, lo que estás haciendo.” The blue eyed boy shakes his head.

“I don’t know what you mean by that.” He walks away.

“It means you’re doing stupid shit for absolutely no reason. Take it from me, I’m married! I know what I’m talking about, and as your elder, I suggest apologizing. It’ll fix everything, trust me.” But Max only ignores him, already climbing into his car. As much as he would love to try and make things right with the woman he adores like a complete idiot, there’s always something that ruins it. Whether it’s you witty reminders, or your cruel ignorance.

Though, he feels like he’s going crazy. He can feel his hands itch as they beg to hug you the way they were used to. Or to kiss your plump lips, slightly red from your constant nibbles. You can feel his eyes on you as you cut up a group of vegetables, getting things ready for dinner. Like a tease, you bend down to pick up the bag of carrots that had just fallen. You giggle. “Whoops.”

Abruptly, he stands up. “I’m going to get in a small workout before we eat.” That’s all. Left there with your jaw on the floor, you slam the knife against the cutting board.

You missed him. You’d be insane not to. You missed cuddling with him after a long day. You missed the way he would cradle your face to kiss you eagerly after every win. Now it’s almost as if you’re a couple of strangers with the way he keeps a careful distance. And if he wasn’t going to fix things, then you would force him to.

He hears you before he actually sees you. Not a single word escapes past your lips as you skip closer. His molars grind together when he notices your tiny skirt, paired with a tank top. Perky tits salute him as he holds back a groan. Smiling sweetly, you start to stretch. “Thought I’d join you. Didn’t want to eat without you.”

His heart squeezes, ghostly nodding. Adjusting himself on the bench, he starts his set of overhead presses. Loopy eyes circle his glistening muscles as he pants tiredly, shaky breaths bouncing off of him. You have to physically stop yourself from drooling an entire ocean.

The blue eyed boy leads an impressive set, a thin layer of sweat coating him like a blanket. One you would gladly roll around in. Pursing your lips, your limbs feel extremely weak all of a sudden and decide to settle with laying down and bringing your legs up, skirt sliding down, exposing your soft skin.

“So tight,” you whine when you reach up, muscles tied up in an uncomfortable spot. Intrigued, your boyfriend takes a peek and instantly curses, large hands gripping against the metal bar. He gulps. “Maxie, can you push my legs back for me?”

His breath hitches. “No. I’m sure you can do that yourself.”

Sitting up straight, you squint your beady eyes at him as he distracts himself by adding more weight to his set. You click your tongue, a menacing grin tugging at your pink lips. “Messed up, baby, you are messed up.”

Max curses himself for falling in love with someone as beautiful as you. It seriously messed him up a concerning amount. Suddenly there was no more cold demeanor when it came to you. That simply just belonged to the rest because you were everything to him.

“First, you’re too much of a pussy to admit your mistakes and now you’re too scared to get near me?” You scoff. “It’s all starting to add up.”

Except at this very moment.

“And what exactly is that? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Kneeling down onto the black mat, you stretch your arms out against it, and lay your back flat. You hum. “Oh.” You arch your back, ass angling upwards where his eyes quickly trace to. You smirk. “Nothing.”

If he weren’t so impressed by your bratty act, he would have definitely walked out on you. But you just looked so pretty, rosy, and you were glistening. He wonders what else there was on top of that. The Dutch moves on to a bench press. Huffing, he grits his teeth as he extends his arm before puffing and bringing them back down.

The 26 year old, despite your attempts, was as focused as he could possibly be. The adrenaline was lingering in his entire system as he kept his eyes trained upward. Chest locking tightly, muscles contracting. And then he hears it. Your tiny moans, soft whimpers.

The loud sound of him dropping the weight makes you jump up a bit before looking up. He finds you in your first position you had started with when you first stepped foot into the home gym. He can feel his cock press harshly against his white shorts. “Why are you…” He trails off when your mouth drops open, brows scrunching together. Your thighs beg to be kissed. Slippery arms tug your legs closer to you as you giggle.

“My legs are too tight.” His chest tightens. “Help me get more flexible?” you press innocently as you signal for him to push your legs. “Please, Maxie.”

Sighing, he nods. As soon as he steps close to you, he can feel your pouring lust, fuck me eyes staring back up at his frame. Grabbing the heels of your feet, he pushes back as you groan. “Oh shit.” You laugh, chest vibrating against the mat. “I really needed the extra push.”

He grimaces. A silence lingers between you two before you wiggle your left foot against his palm. He raises a confused brow. I’m going to tuck it to my chest. Just hold the right one. Doing as instructed, you sigh in relief, lashes fluttering. He holds back a much needed grunt. “You’re telling me you couldn’t do this yourself?”

You nip the air. “We’re not all professional athletes, Max. I needed you.”

You can see how hard your implication is hitting him as his gaze darkens. And just as he’s about to reach out for you, you wiggle your brows. Next leg. Snapping out of trance, he eyes the way your skirt rides down your skin. In a swift movement, he lets go and takes a staggered step back. You grin. What’s wrong?

“You’re crazy.”

Standing up, you place both hands on your waist. “Why?”

Max doesn’t even recall when he pins you against the wall, your hair flying from the impactful blow, and yet, you’re smirking. Kissing you harshly, you groan, leaning against your tippy toes as you struggle to breath. He seems to be lost in your lips as he cradles your face, teeth clashing against yours at the filthy action. “You’re so beautiful,” he pants, blues staring back. “So fucking beautiful.”

Whimpering, you reach back out for him, plump lips attacking his thick neck as he sighs. The purple bruises were definitely something he would hound you on tomorrow, but for now that was the least of his worries. Admiring the colorful spot, you lick it slowly. He shudders.

“I can suck something else, you know?”

You almost don’t recognize his growl, for you haven’t heard it in so long, that it catches you by surprise as he spins you around, bending you over the nearest counter, where his wall of protein stands. He hitches your skirt up as you gasp when his fingers slide inside of you. The way he stretches you out makes you see stars as you struggle to keep upward.

“Wore this just for me, right? You knew it would drive me crazy?” His long fingers curl at the perfect angle as you nod. Yes, yes. I wore it just for you. I knew you’d like it. You squeal when he lifts you up, tits pressing against the cold marble, legs dangling like a doll. His doll. He watches the way you swallow his digits. “I fucking love it, baby…”

Then, he’s down on his knees as he wraps his lips around your clit. Moaning loudly, you press your cheek against the cool tiles, saliva dripping out of your mouth at the sensation. In your fucked up state, you still reach out for him as he grabs your hand. “You taste so sweet,” he hums. You’re close to crying when he pulls away, but calm down when he thrusts into you.

The Dutch throws his head back as soon as your velvety walls wrap around his cock, the way you swallow him whole. Makes him hate himself for holding onto his pride for so long. For keeping you away. His heart races when you prop yourself on your elbows as stare back at him with tired, lustful eyes. He grins, slapping your ass as you yelp. You ass tilts up as he watches you struggle to keep up.

Warm hands come up to keep you close to him as you bite down on your lip. “You’re a fucking brat, but God, I hate it because you were right. I pushed him off. I did, I did, I did…” His dirty hair sticks against his face as you bounce forward with every pound. “But he was making you laugh - smile - and I just couldn’t handle that.”

Your heart stops. This was news to you because there was no way the Max you knew so well would break his winning streak all due to a friendly encounter. He pecks your bare shoulder. “I don’t think you understand how much I love you.”

“Then show me.”

WIth that, he holds onto your hips with more grip as his tip brushes repeatedly against your g-spot. You’re a mess, but he’s loving every second of it. As soon as he wraps a large hand around your breast, you’re gone, spluttering white all around him as he follows. With a croaky groan, he slips out as you fall back to your original spot. He chuckles. He fixes your skirt before helping you sit up to face him. Your eyes crinkle.

“You love me,” you say in a sing-song voice as you poke his dimple. I thought I made that clear. You scrunch your nose, pecking his face all over with sloppy kisses. He playfully winces, but accepts nonetheless. “You love me, love me. Why would you ever worry about me and Lando? You know he’s just a friend.”

His smile drops as it's replaced with a scowl. “I wasn’t worried, per se. I don’t like someone else making you laugh. That’s my job.”

Your brows arch. “What are you suggesting? That I just keep mute for the rest of my days, unless I’m with you?”

Max shrugs. “Sounds like a solid plan.”

You smack his chest as he throws his head back with laughter. “No. Not a solid anything. Max, I love you.”

“I know,” he whispers.

“Okay,” you confirm, fixing your posture, lips pursing. “But please never do that again, that’s just plain out dangerous and crazy. A big no-no, Emilian.” He glares and your lips wobble childishly. “You love wins, and I love celebrating them with you. It just works.”

“You know what doesn’t work?” he retorts as he hugs you. You hum, comfortable against his warmness. “Not talking to me for four months, what were you thinking?” You push him away abruptly. We spoke! “But we didn’t fuck, and that’s the same thing.”

Crossing your arms, you roll your eyes as he stares back in awe. “If you keep this up then I’m going to crank it up to eight,” you threaten.

The Dutch nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck before you cave in. “Let’s not do that. You’d be breaking my heart.”

taglist: @myownwritings @d3kstar @crucifiedbitch

*note: i've only tagged those who asked to be included in general. i've kept that apart from the method acting series taglist!! lmk in which you would like to be, just in case!

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angelfrombeneth · 3 months

Text

HIS FAVOURITE - T . NOTT

Mature Content Ahead

Theodore Nott x F!Reader

Summary: *REQUESTED*, You and Theo are best friends with benefits, you thought what more could you want. Until you finally get faced with a girl brave enough to touch what's yours. But he wasn't yours was he?

Warnings: SMUT, Switch!Theo, Switch!Reader, Unprotective sex (WRAP IT UP!!), Tit Sucking, Alot of grabbing and marking. Slight blood kink mention. Pain play to a certain degree.

Your giggling as Theo, kisses down your collarbone, pulling down your bra as he latches himself onto your breast, his free hand gripping your other one. Your hands running through his hair as he peers up at you, his dark eyes staring into your soul.

"God you are so hot" Theo growled against your skin, licking a stripe between your breasts before unclapsing your bra and dropping it off the side of the bed as you giggled, pulling his tie as you latched onto his mouth once again.

The pair of you were making out on his bed, partially clothed. It's not like you wanted to have sex with this moment, you just liked the feeling of being skin to skin with him. Theo was completely free of his uniform, only in his boxers and his tie that hung loosely around his neck. You were in just your skirt, with a completely bare chest.

You pecked his lips softly as you moved to straddle him, giggling as his hands rested on your ass, squeezing the flesh tightly.

"I dont want to go to DADA" you groaned, leaning forward against Theo's chest, arching your back slightly as you leaned up on your elbows.

"Just skip, I had a free" He whined, pouting up at you.

"Theo don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you but I can only handle your presence for so long" You giggled as you sat up, Theo following suit, kissing your neck softly as his hands roamed up and down your back. "And besides, I get to stare that new girl- she's super cute you know" You giggled as you looked at him.

"Cuter than me?" You looked at you briefly before burying himself back in your chest, sucking the flesh around your tits, leaving dark hickies.

"Obviously not" You ruffled his hair chuckling as you lifted up his chin and began to kiss him again.

You both heard a loud knock on the door, pulling away from eachother briefly.

"Who is it?" Theo yelled as you began to now attack his neck. Nibbling and sucking on the skin as he chuckled as your neediness.

"Its me- Do you have a chick in here-" Mattheo busted the door open, hand over his eyes.

"Mhm, its Y/N tho" He slapped your ass harshly as you yelped giggling as you cuddled into him, pressing your tits into his chest as you looked at Mattheo.

"Hi Matty" you cooed.

His hand drooped from his eyes as he looked at the two of you and scoffed, shutting the door and throwing himself on his bed. "Thank god its you" He groaned.

"Excuse me are there other girls?" You looked at Theo, your words spilling out of your mouth quickly before noticing that was riddled with jealousy.

"What! No?? Mattheo is just fucking around" Theo looked at you.

You rolled your eyes standing up, as you put your bra back on. You couldn't help but notice Mattheo sneaking a glance.

"Y/N, I'm serious-"

"Theo I'm joking" You laughed out, poking his chest as you pulled your blouse back on. "Its not like we are dating or something." You laughed awkwardly before clapping your hands together while slipping your heels on. "I've got DADA, see you boys later" You smiled.

"What your leaving? But I'm fucking harder than stonehenge right now" Theo whined.

"OK and? You have a fucking hand Nott. Bye Riddle!" You yelled before shutting the door behind you.

After class, you spot Pansy waiting for you outside your class.

"My lovely wife escorting me to lunch?" You gasped.

"Of course!" Pansy chuckled as you kissed eachothers cheeks.

"God DADA was so boring, but I heard some gossiping from the Ravenclaws" You raised an eyebrow.

"Oo I'm listening" Pansy chuckled.

The pair of you walked down the hall, your heels clicking insync as you giggled, whispering to eachother and gossiping. You walk into the Great Hall, a few people looking at you both as you turned to them, glaring at them. You both made it to the Slytherin table, looking at your friends smiling.

You walked over to Theo, his hand instantly resting on the back of your thigh, right below the curve of your ass as you smiled down at him.

"Your guys's friendship is fucking weird" Draco groaned.

You rolled your eyes, sitting down beside Theo as you, began to eat your lunch. "Of course you'd say that, you can't even wrap your head around the concept of friends with benefits because you dont have any friends" Theo barked back.

"I have friends. You guys are my friends!" Draco defended, looking round at you all as you all plmade questionable noises to wind him up. "Oh piss off" You all laughed.

"Oh! Y/N!" Pansy grabbed your hand, leaning over the table. "I forgot to tell you, Harry and Ron are having like this weird argument because Ginny admitted to Ron she likes Harry but Ron is blaming Harry, how weird right?!"

"Ron is definitely a weird one, let Ginny be happy" You scoffed.

"Thats what I said, but poor girl.. She likes Potter, he's just.. hes not even in the top 10" Pansy gritted her teeth causing you to laugh.

"Top 10?? you guys are ranking us?" Mattheo chirped.

"Whats this about ranking?" Blaise walked over, hand in hand with Daphne as Astoria loomed behind the two.

"Tori!" You smiled as the girl sat beside you, as you hugged her.

"The girls have ranked us apparently" Draco quipped.

"Oh yeah, we ranked everyone worthy" Daphne smiled, removing Blaises hand from her shoulder.

"Who's first?" Theo asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know" Pansy smirked.

Everyone hounded Pansh with questions about the list and you all giggled at the boys being so desperate to know.

Theo looked at you with pleading eyes, you giggled looking at Theo and whispering. "Your my number one anyway" You smiled, squeezing his thigh before standing up.

"Right I'm off, want to make sure I can get a good seat for Charms" You smiled standing up, everyone turning to look at you.

"I'll walk you" Theo smiled and standing up and walking behind you, his arm over your shoulder.

As the pair of you walked off, Theo smirked, dropping his arm from your shoulder and slapping your ass loudly.

"Theo!-" You yelped looking around the Great Hall before smacking his arm. He laughed as you scoffed walking faster out the hall.

After what felt like fucking hours, you finally finished your classes for the day and went back to your room. You had two extra classes today which meant you finished at 6pm whereas everyone else finished at 3pm. You skipped out on dinner, grabbing some snacks from the kitchen during your 2 minute break you had.

You walked back to your dorm, opening the door and ignored your surroundings as you crash into your bed, face first.

It took you a few seconds to realise the music filling the room before you sat up and looked at Astoria, Daphne abd Pansy all huddled in the shared bathroom you all share.

"What are you guys doing" You groaned, your head resting against your pillow as you layed on your side.

"Its a party girl!" Daphne smiled.

"Party? What party?" You sat up, groaning.

"Just the boys felt like it. We organised it over dinner. Hope you don't mind Y/N" Astoria looked over at you.

"Of course not, just give me 10 minutes to power nap" You sighed, pulling your pillow to cover your face as you blacked out.

You felt yourself being shaken as you woke up, looking around the room confused. You looked to see Pansy sat next to you smiling.

"Oh Pans- Fuck what time is it.." You sat up, hearing music downstairs.

"Its 9:30pm, the party started an hour ago. We were going to wake you up for pres but I wanted you to rest" She smiled.

"Fuck Pans that's like nearly 4 hours" You groaned.

"Its ok, I told everyone you aren't dead just sleeping. You know who wa super worried.." She nudged you. "Theo"

"Pans I told you.. Its not like that" You sighed.

"I know, but I think he likes you Y/N, I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't mean it" She followed you as you walked into the bathroom quickly stripped down as you hopped in the shower. You and Pansy were super close, you even showered together sometimes so it didn't bother you that she was here.

"God I wish" You groaned. "Do you think he's sleeping with other girls"

"No, I don't think he is. Mattheo is a whore but he has loose lips, we'd know" She hummed.

"Mattheo said 'do you have a chick in here' earlier what if he's seeing other girls Pans-"

"Y/N, your overthinking it.. Calm down"

The two of you went back and forth for a half hour as you showered quickly, drying yourself over as you sat in a towel doing ur makeup as Pansy dried your hair and styled it.

"Give it a chance, I mean you two literally hook up anyway. He fucking slapped your ass in public!" She laughed as she combed your hair.

You set your makeup, sighing at Pansy smiled backing away and staring at her masterpiece. You turned to her with a weak smile. "You think?"

"I know" She smiled, grabbing the dress that was on her bed. "This will make it work" She smirked as she held up an extremely tiny black dress. It was strapless and and ti y! It looked like a top.

"I can't fucking wear this" You held it uo to your body.

"You can and u will, now hurry up!" She grabbed your towel, pulling it off as you stood just in panties.

"Whatever help me with this" You pulled the dress up, holding it up around your breasts as Pansy zipped it. You won't lie, it was a fucking work out, your tits were way too big for this dress, pratically spilling over the top and the bottom of your ass was very much visible and if you bent over so would your red thong.

"Isn't this too slutty?" You looked to her as you put your heels on.

She popped a gummy in your mouth as she smiled at you. "Nope, now chew"

The two of you swallowed the gummies and waited until you started to feel the effect. The pair of you had hardly eaten so the weed hit you quicker than usual. Within minutes you were feeling the buzz and feeling more relaxed.

"Lets go" Pansy smiled taking your hand and leading you out of the room.

The two of you decended down the stairs, giggling as you held one another. People turning to look at the pair of you.

You noticed multiple people looking, feeling slightly nervous because of your outfit.

"You look hot, that's why they're looking" Pansy whispered smiling. You sighed as she continued to lead you through the crowd to the corner of the common room.

"Pansy is back!" A very drunk Daphne cheered as she sat on Blaise's lap.

Everyone turned to greet the pair of you, you noticed Theo by the window. The moment his eyes locked onto you he beckoned you over. You rounded the couch and walked to the window.

"What are you wearing?" Theo looked up at you, looking behind you and glaring at people who stared at you.

"Pansy gave me it" You felt his gaze burning through you.

His hands gripping the top of your thighs tightly, his hands threatening to grip your ass.

"Your driving me insane" He bit his lip, pulling you closer. "You can't wear this, not when other guys can see you"

You looked down at him, giggling softly as your hands rested on his shoulders. "Oh yeah?" Your right hand going to his neck as you softly caressed it.

"Mhm.. You're mine" His right hand gripping your left cheek tightly as his hand slid up your dress. He leaned up, taking his right hand and pulling your neck as he kissed you.

You felt as if it was just the two of you, no one else around as you pulled away he smiled up at you. His hand stayed on your ass as his other hand reached into his pocket, popping a cigarette in his mouth, pulling out his lighter.

"Light this for me, Principessa" He mumbled with the cigarette between his lips. You took the lighter from his hand, covering the end with your hand as you lit it. You watched him take a long drag as he exhaled, smiling up at you. "Thank you"

You stayed with Theo for a bit longer giggling as you two exchanged your days. You really fucking liked this guy, but you were still unsure if he just saw you as a friend.. a body. You got too in thought and had to excuse yourself.

"I'm going to get a drink" You smiled. "I'll be back"

"Don't be too long" He chuckled, taking his cup to his lips as he took a swig of his drink.

You walked away from him, you walked futher into the crowd spotting Pansy and grabbing her arm as you walked over to the drinks table.

"Holy fuck, you were literally making out back there" She laughed, as you stared at her.

"Pansy- I can't do it anymore. I can't kiss him- I love him.. I'm too invested, my heart is literally in my throat" You blabbered.

"Tell him then.. I think you should just go for it" She smiled at you. "You can do it"

You took a deep breath. "I'm going to do it" You nodded smiling.

"OK, well its just you two over there, just let me know how it goes. Promise?" She holds up her pinkie.

You chuckled, locking your pinkie with hers. "Promise"

"Good luck!" She cheered as you turned around and began to walk back towards where you left Theo.

This was it. You were going to do it. You were going to tell Theodore how much you liked him. You loved him, everything about him. You two would seal the deal with a kiss and have a great night. You were excited despite the nerves eating you up.

As you saw the end of the crowd, you pushed through the last few people turning towards the window you left Theo. You noticed he wasn't there anymore, your eyebrows raised as you turned around looking around the room before you spotted his hair. You smiled, skipping towards the wall he was leaning against before you froze. A girl infront of him, he smiled as he spoke to her. You recognised this girl as the new girl who had recently transfered to Hogwarts. Her blonde hair flipping as she played with her talking to him. You slowlee down as you bared closer, stopping completely in your tracks when you saw it. When you saw them kiss.

Your heart dropped to your ass, the nerves rising to your mouth like you were going to throw up. Everything went in slow motion, the second she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. The pressure on the glass in your hand was harsh, the glass burst in your hands as your tongue poked the inside of your cheek, you radiated jealously. You ran, dropping the remainder of the glass as you ran towards the dorms, towards your safe space. Your bed.

You opened the door, tears staining your face as your makeup slightly ran. You looked in the mirror and just laughed. "You are so stupid.. Why are you crying? Crying over a boy!"

Third POV

As you ran through the crowd Theo, pushed the girl away, and noticed you rushing through the crowd quickly.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He looked at the girl.

"Kissing you duh?" She looked at him weirdly.

"I have a fucking girlfriend!" He snapped as he pushed past her and ran through the crowd, looking for you.

He was running everywhere looking for you, but noticing his friends are still here, especially Pansy, so he retreated to your room.

Your POV

"Stupid!" You yelled as you kicked your heels off.

Just then the door swung open and Theo looked at you, his face softening at the sight of yours.

"Y/N- Listen let me explain-"

You cut him off "You don't need to explain Theo. We aren't dating, I shouldn't be upset. I know. It's just.." Your lip quivered. You turned to look at him.

"God Theo. Why did you have to be so fucking perfect. This makes this so fucking hard for me!" You screamed as you hit his chest sobbing. "I- I know we aren't dating. I have no right- we are just friends but... you make it so hard to just be friends" You sobbed loudly into his chest as your balled fist, hit against him softly.

Theo's heart was in his throat seeing you like this. You wouldn't stop rambling on about how your sorry you got jealous and everything, you weren't listening. You werent giving him a chance. Theo pushed you away, before crashing his lips onto your to shut you up mid rant.

You were shocked from the action, freezing momentarily as he pulled away, holding your shoulders. "I didn't kiss her Y/N. She kissed me- I pulled away. I don't want anyone else. I only want you-" He looked down at you, biting his lip nervously.

"Y-You do.." You nibbled on your own lip too, looking up at him.

"Yes! You idiot" He laughed, as you smiled at him. He took your hands into his but noticed a cut.

"Did you hurt yourself?" He lifted up your hand to examine said cut.

"Um well-"

Theo just laughed as he shook his head. His eyes locked on yours as he smirked, licking the blood from your hand before pressing a soft kiss on it. "Lets get you cleaned up"

Theo pulled you into your bathroom cleaning your cut and wrapping it up. While he teased you for getting so jealous you smashed a glass. You were flustered and didn't know what more to say, which he found entertaining.

The pair of you left the bathroom, and Theo sat on your bed as you stood before him.

"My jealous little girl" He smirked.

"Stop it.." You looked away.

"You going to fight any girl that looks my way huh? Be my personal guard dog" He teased, laughing. You pushed his chest as you whined and he took the opportunity to take your hands and pulled you closer, causing you to fall forward ontop of him. His back now against the mattress as you held yourself above him.

He smiled up at you, as you peered down at him. "I love you, really. I've wanted to say it for so long" He snaked his hand around your neck as he kissed you harshly, sitting up and pulling you to straddle his lap.

Your hands snake around his neck as he gripped your waist harshly, pulling you closer as you both makeout. His tongue sliding into your mouth as you hum softly. You pull away, biting your lip as you whine. "Unzip me"

Theo is quick to unzip the dress and pull it up over your head as you unbutton his shirt and slide it off, kissing down your neck, sucking at the skin harshly, leaving dark hickies. Soft moans left his lips as you continued to move down to his collarbone, grinding back and forth on his bulge before pulling away.

"God, you are so perfect" He groaned, u buckling his belt and pulling it off roughly. You got off him momentarily as he stood up, taking a condom out his pocket, throwing it onto the pillow and dropping his jeans before you grabbed him, pulling him back down on the bed as you straddled him once again. "Fuck- Needy too"

"Shut up" You laughed, sitting up slightly as you pushed his boxers down, watching his cock slap up to his stomach, precum leaking from his tip. "You're the needy one" You cooed, taking his length in your hand and jerking it a few times watching his face contort as you smirked. You reached for the condom that he took out of his pocket, ripping it open and sliding it down his dick.

You held his dick, using your free hand to pull your panties to the side as you slowly sunk down on it, leaning your head back as you whined softly before taking a deep breath in before letting your whole body just drop onto his length as you gasped, scratching his chest as you felt him pratically fold inside you.

"Fuck- so tight" You gritted his teeth, using his arms to support himself up on the bed as you sighed, grinding back and forth ontop of him. Feeling his cock move inside of you.

"...holy shit.." You whispered "Am I high or does this feel better than normal" You whined, gripping his shoulders are you spend up, rocking your hips back and forth faster. "Fuck yes!-"

"Fuck yourself on my cock, yeah like that-" He groaned, throwing his head back momentarily before reaching his hands to your hips, rocking you faster.

"God I fucking love your cock!-" You whined, leaning forward as you kissed him roughly. Theo sat up, pulling you as close as he could, shoving his tongue down your throat as you madeout extremely sloppily. His hands gripping your ass as he forcefully rocked your ass back and forth at a phenomenal pace as you both moaned into the kiss.

You've never been more grateful until now that Theo was a vocal guy during sex, he was beyond turning you on.

He took your lip between his teeth as he groaned, sucking on your lip as you yelped, scratching at his back as you began to bounce on his dick. His hands on the curve of your ass helping lift you up and down. He let out a whine as you threw your head back, gasping for air as you repeatedly moaned his name.

"Yes! Oh yes- Theodore! There!" You screamed out as you let out a soft giggle.

His lips latched to your breast again, sucking it harshly as you bounced up and down on his cock like your life depended on it. His tongue swirled your nipple before flicking at it, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked the flesh, his cock growing harder inside of you.

You pulled his head up to yours, your tit falling from his mouth, his lips wet with saliva as you pressed your forehead to his.

"M' love you- you feel so good" He whined.

"Love you too" You sighed, pecking his lips softly.

You felt so drunk on his dick you were going insane. You push him back to lay against the bed as you leaned forward, your breasts pushed up against his chest as you slapped your ass down against his pelvis with each movement. Skin slapping and bed creak filled the room as you did so.

"Teddy- I love you so much-" You whined out.

"I know darling- I know you do" He croaked as he looked at you, panting heavily.

You gulped, lifting your ass pulling his dick out of you, his eyebrows furrow as he looked at you. You pinch the tip of the condom before yanking it off harshly, tying it quickly before throwing it into ur trashcan. "I want to show you.. that I-" You steadied yourself, holding his dick against your wet folds as you rubbed it up and down before sinking down yet again. "That- I love you.. fuck.. cum in me-"

Theo's eyes grew wide as you wiggled back down on his cock. Gasping at the feeling of being bare inside of you. He didn't last long, neither of you did.

You continued to rock back and forth, panting heavily as you gripped his shoulders feeling his dick twitch inside of you, no condom barrier. You tugged at his hair throwing your head back as you gasped, as you rode him with all your might.

You kissed him deeply, moaning softly into the kiss as he held you close. His hand on your neck as he kissed your deeper.

"Fuck yeah- m' coming" He growled as he gritted his teeth, thrusting harshly up into you, flipping the pair of you over so that you layed against the bed. His thrusts became erratic as the bed creaked with his moments as you gripped his back, your legs tightly clamped around his waist as your whole body rebounded off of him. Theo was spoilt for the view, watching as your tots bounce against his thrusts. His hands gripping both of them as he thrusted deep and harsh one more time before letting out a soft whiney moan as he came inside of you- you also following suit.

The two of you panting heavily as Theo, layed next to you, cuddling you as you snuggled into his chest.

As Theo went to pull out, you gasped slightly, gripping his chest. "Dont" you whispered. He smiled as you pulled you closer, holding you tightly as he pulled the covers over the pair of you.

"Goodnight Amore mio" Theo spoke softly, pressing a kiss onto your temple. He looked down at your peacefully sleeping figure as he smiled to himself, snuggling into you as he also closed his eyes.

Third POV

Pansy giggled, holding Luna's hand as she opened the dorm door, before scanning the room noticing a very drunk Astoria passed out on Daphne's bed right by the door. Daphne no where to be seen. She walked to the other side of the room, opening your shared drawers as she grabbed some pajamas but noticing you abd Theo cuddling, under the duvet. She smiled to herself before tiptoeing over to Astoria and pulling the covers over her.

"Y/N and Theo are so cute" Luna cooed.

"I know.. Hopefully they are official now, this never happens" Pansy giggled, exiting the room with Luna and slowly shutting the door.

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