#you can go save it yourself if you're less lazy than I am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drawthiere · 2 months

Text

hello!

so, as is observable from my reaction to the news about tumblr and midjourney, i'm in a bit of a doomer mindset about the whole situation. i kinda left it a bit unclear as to where this blog would go from here, so i just thought i'd clarify~

i will not be deleting this blog, nor will i be deleting all of my posts-- but i think i will stop posting on here for the foreseeable future. life is kind of getting me down a lot already, and the prospect of continuing to make and post art in an environment where people's works are treated with increasingly less respect isn't something that has any appeal to me anymore, especially since i'm kind of struggling with drawing enough as is.

perhaps if my relationship with art improves or if i become more of a prolific artist then i might return to posting regularly on socials, but as it stands, i don't see much of a point in posting. my activity is infrequent enough anyways, so i don't think it will particularly matter if i stop LMAO

so, with that being said, i don't really have any 'here's where you can find me' links, save for these two

i will still participate in art fight yearly and i still stream art on twitch occasionally (though i might have my gamer arc on there eventually)

i'm not leaving the site (i still have my main and my selfship blog), but if you're interested in exclusively my art, that's all i have to offer, sorry ;w;

also: about people who say 'just glaze/nightshade your art!' i know this is a lazy opinion, but like, if i have to run my art through a bazillion different filters and programs and websites on the off chance it might make it poison to AI, i won't lie... i just don't think it's worth the effort. same with slapping a big ugly watermark on all of my art. like, what is even the point at that point

this isn't to say that artists shouldn't be doing those things-- please protect yourself and your works if you are willing and able! but i am just a rather defeatist person.

and i also know that my D tier artstyle isn't the kind of thing that is usually pulled to train on anyways, but the bottom line is that this whole situation is the last straw on an activity (art) that has been steadily demoralizing to me for years already. i don't want even the slightest possibility of contributing more to this shitty craze than i already have (unwillingly, considering data has probably been scraped already in years past). if i draw, it will exclusively be for myself, or as gifts for others

maybe i will change my mind about all of this one day- but honestly, my art pace already has slowed to an absolute crawl. i don't want this to get too vent-y, but... it's MARCH and i only have 4 completed pieces done this year. in reality, i only have one finished piece from this year! because the other 3 were wips at various stages from last year. in general i am kind of washed up and my passion is gone and my skills are lacking. so. . . not like anybody will be missing much! i was looking at stuff i drew in like 2020 and honestly there's barely a difference. i'm the most stagnant mf on the planet. and now i'm looking at the new wave of all of these 14 year olds that are actual god tier artists and i am like. genuinely so happy for them like i love that and they slay but GOD it makes me want to kill myself even more than i already do LMFAO. so, yeah

#personal #not art

26 notes · View notes

nanistar · 1 year

Note

Any advice on how to draw backgrounds? Gotten to the point in my art where im semi confident in drawing poses and expressions but backgrounds?? girl help i can only somewhat draw a tree

oh hell yeah i love backgrounds, ive been working on more interiors lately (when not overburdened by sbc work lol) but im assuming you're asking about nature so that's how im going to answer it as okay so: -first of all find yourself a good TEXTURED blending/smudging brush because it will save your life. i use these rock texture brushes from This Studio Ghibli pack, it's $6 and i HIGHLY recommend the whole pack because it's the main one i use for most of my bg foliage/grass ect and i love it dearly

-find references either in irl photos or other artist's work. if using another artist's work watch their speedpaints or look at what you like about their art style and techniques and steal it. im serious. obviously don't trace it and pass it off as something of your own but look at how they do the aspects you struggle with, and try to incorporate that

for me, that struggle is forest foliage because i have a hard time filling out the spaces without everything looking like same colored blobs, so i looked at how my buddy hannah mudshadow does bgs because she's really good at filling out a scene and making it look natural, and i noticed she uses a lot of abstract shapes instead of trying to render every leaf, so rather than doing my base work for bushes/trees with a leaf brush, i use a chunky scatter brush now and it looks really good, and then i can go and add some leaf brushes on top of that for more definition in areas that might catch light ect so that will give it the thick, bushy .. bush look without looking crowded or too shaped

-nature is messy as hell and things are never going to be perfectly shaped and toned unless you're drawing perfectly managed hedges or something. got some dirt brown on your green bush? those are dead leaves now. accidental weird texture on your tree? the bark is gone there, something ate it. bushes and trees have dead branches that just hang out there in them, grass grows long and sometimes a deer or whatever doesn't eat the whole patch so there's long uneven sprigs sticking up. petals fall off flowers. trees have huge webs of branches

-don't try to detail everything. make things further away more abstract and messy to give the illusion of detail. throw a gradient over it for some slight tone variation or something so it;s not completely flat but ppl are going to look at your subject and see the rest of it with the corner of their eyes, so you don;t need to fully render every flower in the field. here's some examples of that

the cactuses in the far BG are just V and Y shapes, the joshua tree in the middle distance is dark with some light blobs right on the edge where the needles would catch light.

this is from 2021 so be nice to me but as the flowers go back in the distance, i stop rendering their petals and start doing blue dots with white dots, and then even further away i just sorta blend blue and green together to give the illusion of a field of flowers.

-i dont know what your style is, but i personally hate using a ton of layers and tend to merge them as i go, but for the most part i draw every panel of SBC bg on the same 1 layer, going back to front (start with sky, mountain, bg grass, foreground grass and cactus, then go back and scatter foliage as necessary) and it keeps my stuff loser and i tend to get less precious about making things look perfect. i also work very fast because i am unironically really lazy at art and am desperate for shortcuts.

-oh yeah one more thing. assuming you draw cats, cats are SOOOOOO small in comparison to literally everything. as warrior artists i think our perspective gets a but confused sometimes (i am certainly guilty of this too!) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this because sometimes that's just how you have to build your scenes, but it really makes me laugh when i see scenes of like, rusty jumping off his fence to go into the woods, but the fence is only a bit taller than him. so try to remember things are huge and cats are small as hell

na'ni's a huge cat, all things considered but look at her compared to my small aloe plant

or the cedar tree in my front yard.

absolutely microscopic. don't look at my slippers.

so yeah. i hope this helps, it's not so much a tutorial because i don't think i'm the best person for tutorials because honestly i dont know much and this is all stuff i've picked up on, like i dont know shit about composition or values or color theory but this is important stuff to keep in mind about the environments themselves. don't worry too hard about colors at first because you can always change it by adjusting your curves n stuff. or slap a filter on that bad boy. or dont. also pay attention to your horizon line because it helps angle the rest of your piece. but look up tutorials for that because i only started learning about it like a week ago

#mine #art advice #idk man #ppl feel free to add on to this #nani irl

55 notes · View notes

dreamersinthedaylightinspo · 9 months

Text

Conversation that might happen when Lucien and Helion finds out

- I saw people talking about the nuance of Helion and Lucien being father and son so - here ya go!!

Lucien knew that Helion would come. He waited, watching the sun's lazy journey across the sky. He drank a bottle of wine in his suite, but he didn't leave. He was not going to Helion. He was done groveling in other courts for scraps of belonging. This time, he would not be the victim of his circumstances. Let the High Lord of Day come to him.

The afternoon faded to goldenrod, and the wine was gone, and Lucien was beginning to think he'd miscalculated - when there was a knock at the door.

Lucien got to his feet, half out of habit, and half out of curiosity. Helion was his father, or had fathered him, or something of that nature. He'd seen Helion perhaps a dozen times a week since he'd come to the Day Court and though their conversations were never long or friendly, it was like they were meeting for the first time now. He wanted to know what Helion would say to him. If he'd explain himself. Perhaps he'd embrace Lucien. Perhaps he'd throw Lucien out of the palace and tell him to forget the whole incident ever happened.

After a pregnant pause, Helion stepped into the suites. His eyes were bruised with sleeplessness, his robes slightly disheveled.

"So," said Lucien.

"So," said Helion, in much the same voice. He closed his eyes for a moment. "I suppose you must have a lot of questions for me."

"No."

Helion raised an eyebrow. "No?"

Lucien grinned. He wasn't drunk but he felt like it - he felt -

"I don't give a single solitary shit what you have to say to me," said Lucien. "You're a selfish piece of shit. You care only for yourself. Why should anything change now?"

It was rage. That was what he was feeling. White hot, blinding rage, pulsing in his chest, thrumming in his veins, ringing in his ears. Lucien could not remember the last time he'd been angry. Even when his father - Beron - when they had murdered Jesminda for the crime of loving him. He had never felt so angry as he did when Helion simply folded his hands behind him, and tried to apologize.

"I've treated you poorly," he was saying. "I invited you here as a courtesy and yet -"

"You didn't even bother to speak to me. You treated me like dirt."

Helion’s eyes flashed with irritation. "Oh, come now."

"No, don't be modest." Lucien grinned, and wished that he could grow fangs as Tamlin did. "Admit it. You care less about me now than you did before you learned that you fathered me! You're here saving face. Well, now you can tell everyone that you spoke to me. Go on and lie and tell them about how pleased I am to be part of your little family. Lying is what you do best."

It was gratifying to see how upset Helion was, how hard he was trying to keep his cool. The High Lord of Day barely concealed a sneer as he snapped, "You would rather be Beron's son?"

"I'm my mother's son," Lucien replied. "As far as I'm concerned, I have no father."

At this, Helion's expression darkened.

"You have no right to blame me -"

"You used her," Lucien snapped. "Used her and tossed her away like so many other females before!"

"DO NOT," Helion thundered, "PRESUME TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL."

He had gone too far. Perhaps if he'd had less wine, Lucien would have stopped. His fury burned brilliant within him; he stood, and shouted back: "Was it fun for you!? The chase, the conquest? And when you were done, you threw her back to the wolves like -"

"I loved her."

Though his voice was still harsh, his eyes were far away.

"From the time I was a boy. She was the first person I ever loved. More than anyone."

The emotion in Helion's eyes was genuine. Lucien hated him.

"Oh! Isn't that just wonderful?" Lucien's voice rose to a shout. "Don't lie to me, don't pretend. If you had any -"

"Do you have any idea of hard it was for me?" Helion snarled. "I had no choice! She could not leave and I -"

"For you!? How hard it was for you!?" Lucien roared back. "You self-important piece of shit, you have no idea! You have no fucking idea what my father put her through!"

His voice nearly broke with the force of his anger. Helion seemed slightly stunned - and then, he was resigned. A coldness passed into his features, until Lucien was gazing at a marbled impression of a man.

"Yes," said Helion. "In fact, I do."

And with that, he turned, and walked back out the door.

Lucien turned to the table behind him, seized the empty wine bottle, and hurled it as hard as he could. He hit the door frame and glass rained down around Helion’s heels but the High Lord of Day did not look back. The door to the suite boomed shut, and Lucien was alone in the fading afternoon light once again.

#my fic writing #lucien vanserra #helion spell cleaver #the day court #snippet

44 notes · View notes

rigaudon · 5 months

Text

highly controversial (esp for tumblr) take under the cut, brought to you by me, less than 24 hours after running out of my antidepressants

i hate the continued trend of "quirkifying" (thing i made up just now) mental illness, but I especially hate how recently tumblr has latched onto, specifically, adhd and autism and turned them into personality types that people slap on a name tag to show off how unique they are. I hate that being neurodivergent has become the go-to excuse for terminally online people to justify their shitty behavior. I hate the sentiment that being unmedicated is something to be proud of. I hate that wanting to be fucking normal is a cardinal sin, because ew why would you want to be like those boring neurotypicals.

I hate it. I want to be normal. I started taking medication for ADHD when I was four years old and I have never, not once in my life, thought it was a Fun Thing To have. I hate that I've spent the last 15 years slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably--no almost definitely--autistic, but am still vehemently opposed to it and unable to reconcile that fact despite all the evidence. I don't want to be autistic. I don't want to have adhd. I don't want to make these things a part of my identity that I share with people in the same breath as I talk about my favorite video games or dnd class.

It's not fun. It's not a cute, exclusive club you get to be part of.

It's miserable and alienating and people don't take it seriously. Because you're just lazy and not trying hard enough. Why haven't you done this task you promised you'd do six months ago. Why did you fail out of college? Why did you squander that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Why don't you finish anything you start? Having a low attention span isn't an excuse to not communicate like a normal person. I've had to tell you this five times why can't you just remember? Why can't you save any money? Why are you so fucking weird? Don't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?

Why can't you Just Be Normal?

I would give anything to just be a shitty, irresponsible person who makes bad decisions out of carelessness or lack of empathy. I would give anything to be a "boring neurotypical". Because I could work on that. I could become a better person. i could learn from my mistakes and have that actually mean something practically rather than just cognitively.

It's an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Accepting that my brain just does not work correctly and no amount of positive thinking, or bullet journaling, or time management skills, or even medication will fix it. It will always be a struggle. It will always be a ten ton weight shackled to my ankles that I have to drag behind me through any task that doesn't result in instant gratification. There will never be a permanent solution. I will never wake up one day and suddenly be able to do these basic fucking tasks that everyone else does without issue. I will always have to remind myself to brush my teeth, or to eat breakfast, or to take a shower, or to make sure my cats get fed. It will always be an ordeal to get the mail or to go grocery shopping or to keep myself from sabotaging every good thing in my life for the umpteenth time.

It's exhausting. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of fighting against myself every waking moment of every single day. I'm so sick of being told that I don't deserve any kind of accommodations or allowances or compromises and there is no excuse because "everyone else has to do these things and you don't get special treatment".

I don't want special treatment. I don't want everything different or "wrong" with me to be painted on my skin in bright red ink for everyone to see. I don't want to be reduced to a bunch of boxes so people can just glance at the labels and decide that's all they need to know about me. I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be different. I want to fucking blend in and be unremarkable and boring.

I just want to be fucking normal.

#literally just me whining and ranting #i'm not a person at all right now I can't think for more than 30 seconds and any time I start a task I stop five minutes later #I can't even put something mindless on to watch because the process of turning on the tv and picking a show is Too Many Steps

5 notes · View notes

tiny-tigers · 5 months

Note

✨ Oh god that does make it more awkward yeh 😂🙈

I feel like the Ford's are kind of a boy family no? 😆 But I just think he would make the BEST girl dad 🥹🩷

I won't lie I understand the teeth thing as I remember how insecure I was before I got mine done! But yeh if it's the girl I think you're on about - not his cousin btw (just family friends) - yeh she's defo had a boob job. It's a weird one for me because I understand using make-up/clothes/hair styles to feel better about your self but personally, I could never go as far as using needles/surgery/fillers - it's just too extreme for me. [Having foreign objects put in your body & being put under anaesthesia for anything other than life saving surgery just makes me feel ill] but each to their own! 😅

I think that's a great observation of giraffe boy! What I also like is that he clearly wants to be the best, but he does so through purely focusing on himself? Twitter loves to say how much better Keenan is than Fred - does Fred hate on Hugo? no. Keenan himself said how lovely Fred was to him after the whole red card debacle.

I love people who are driven and ambitious but don't trip other people up to get to the top. He's willing to put in all that extra work and study to get to the top rather than cutting corners and cheating others to get there. I genuinely can't imagine just how immensely proud of him his parents must be. What a guy. All whilst getting a bloody degree in economics on the side. Jesus.

I also get what you mean about Jacky though 🥺 I'm not even a scrum half, let alone a rugby player, and I would love to study Antoine Dupont - just because of how truly brilliant he is. What a time to be alive to watch the likes of him play. So whether it's 'laziness' or just plain insecurity that's stopping Jack from doing that I don't know. But he's missing a trick for sure. Sad.

Awww bless you!! The most important thing is your health though - there will always be other games & other trips but your wellbeing is the most important thing 💖xxxx

Please tell me about one moment that haven't been awkward around that man for me...

I have been his faithful dobby for less than a decade and I Feel exhausted... I know all I can know about him and Yet I am still surprised.

I think fordy gonna have a girlie princess but there is potential for twins in the family so... hopeful ! Addie account has been hacked btw...

Idk why I see her as cousin... yeah I know it is difficult for teeth as it is easily mocked and all but I like some flaws... (say the woman who horribly threw words at J appearance lately ) ... I am about To watch documentary about fillers actually...

As someone who recently had anesthesia and hospital stay I think you must hate yourself and your image a lot to take this path.

U know I cannot unsee the fact his best friend has a giant giraffe in his salon...

Yeah I see what you implies about only pointing on his own flaws and focusing on his strenght. I think he isn't a fool, he knows he is good. I think Jack is terrified to be average and be replaced by someone better like his father was and has faced A LOT More difficulties than Fred could ever think of or will ever face. The size he had to put on the barriers he had to climb because he wasn't supposed to do career he didn't played for premiership title he didnt played for rwc.... The injury well let's face it maybe he will never be the same player he was and Will always have a mental barrier to push into extreme now that he has been injured in such a stupid way.

All in all I think he never watched bigger competition than england pool not because he is a fool but because he thinks it is not even worth his time as he will never reach them? I could be wrong. I also think it is lucid because he will never....It is already too late. I know I might sound hard , he has qualities but he will never be more than average good I can assure you that now. He should have already learn quicker and he didn't step up when everyone was expecting him to so I think it isn't gonna happen. Unfortunately.

I have hope on captaincy later on tho because he has leadership.

I think I am very impatient to see the climb of Freddie because for now they still move him too much from fullback ... Now that he is free of his degree I want to see his new challenges and I think.... unfortunately he will need to move on from Leicester at one point because it is too cosy ? Idk if you see what I mean... I think he needs risk and challenges to be at his best.

For u :

0 notes

my-ass-as-cold-as-mars · 10 months

Text

How am I supposed to get out of poverty?

I am open to suggestions, but guaranteed, I have already tried or cant do most of them.

I am so tired of being poor and being shit on because I'm poor. As if I could be more financially stable if I wasnt "lazy". Please, someone tell me how to get out of this pit of despair, because I'm not seeing a ladder.

I had to go home early from work the other day because I hadnt eaten a proper meal in 2 1/2 days. My manager told me I cant use this "excuse" again, as if not having money for groceries is an excuse. How can I not have money for groceries? Budgeting tips like cancelling subscriptions, shopping in bulk, not going out so much etc. dont apply when you have $10/week to spend on food. I don't go out. I dont spend money on lavish things. I dont waste money, because I HAVE NONE.

In the past month I have made less than $500. My rent is more than that. I also have bills to pay, food to buy, and life saving meds that I cant live without. How am I supposed to get out of poverty?

Get a job?

I have two. One hasnt scheduled me in over 2 MONTHS because I took 1 week of sick leave while I tried to not kill myself. The other I just started and I only get 10 hours a week. I've missed or gone home early 5 times already because I've been so sick.

Why am I so sick?

I am physically and mentally disabled to start, which will be with me ALWAYS. I have a bad leg from an accident, as well as Bipolar, PTSD and crippling anxiety.

I have also been sick lately from hunger and missing medications. I cannot preform at my job because I need money, and I cant get money unless I perform at my job.

Find another job!

Every job wants you to be available full time but only gives you 15 or less hours a week. Lots of jobs wont even hire me because of my disabilities.

Borrow money from your family!

I dont speak to my parents or sister because they abused me for 25 years.

Apply for E.I!

I cant because I'm still working and dont meet the criteria.

Get disability money then!

I live in NB, where monthly disability funding from the government...doesnt exist.

Move out of New Brunswick!

I moved here from Ontario because there were NO JOBS in Ontario. I cant move again because it costs thousands of dollars.

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and collect cans! Give plasma for money! Go to a food bank!

I'm not medically allowed to give plasma, I'VE TRIED. They dont want mine because I'm on medication and have a history of being ill. And cans, I actually do when I can, but every trip to the depot gets me about $3 and hours of exhaustion. The food bank nearest to me doesnt accept people at my address, and the farther one is a problem due to my anxiety about leaving the house.

Apply for welfare!

I am waiting for an appointment this week, and I need to be accepted. If I'm not, I am out of options.

I have been selling things I dont use or need in order to buy a couple groceries here or there.

What else is there?

Please, someone come to me with magic answers, because I'm at my end. Called a suicide hotline tonight because I dont see any more options, and it really seems like the world hates poor people, especially if you're disabled.

If anyone has any resources or suggestions not mentioned above, please let me know. Thank you for reading.

#poor #personal post #long post #help

1 note · View note

pinon-hills-gym-lc32ay · 1 year

Text

Great Lucerne Valley Gym

Top Local Lucerne Valley Gym

youtube

The help of fitness classes are numerous and affix having the hope to stick to an exercise program, having accountability in order to accomplish weight loss goals, learning further techniques to save the body sculpting routine lighthearted and effective, and having fun even though afire calories. Fitness classes not single-handedly meet the expense of hope but next accountability. Taking a fitness class is similar to joining a gym. People are more likely to stick similar to their exercise routine similar to they know that they are beast held accountable for attending. This is especially genuine similar to people are paying for classes happening front. It is much more difficult to skip a class similar to a person has already paid for it and has a period slot reserved. Even if their daylight becomes animated at work, it is less likely that they will skip the workout because they have already paid for the period slot. Knowledge is power; therefore, taking a fitness class or personal training session can back individuals get the most success from their workout program. These professionals know what exercises are best for alternative muscle groups, how often exercises should be performed, and how many repetitions should be the end to build muscle mass or lose weight. Join your associates in a fitness class to have fun even though getting fit. People acknowledge fitness classes for a variety of reasons. Some people want to lose weight, even though others want to help stress. But the help of fitness classes are actually quite similar. Attending a class can meet the expense of you similar to the success to make friends, mass your liveliness and affix your self-esteem.

Regional Lucerne Valley Gym Fitness Option

I've been a regular exerciser before tall school. It has always seemed to me that exercise is one of the easiest ways to character better. If I'm ever feeling blue or lethargic, I go for a run, and I always character greater than before afterward. In this essay, I'll discuss some of the help of exercise in the mind and body, as with ease as some of the drawbacks. I similar to exercising because it makes me character good. If you're anything similar to me, subsequently you next get a hurry from pushing yourself to your beast limits. This is why I enjoy management long distances. management ten miles feels much greater than before than management three miles, and management twenty miles feels much greater than before than management ten miles. Pushing yourself to your maximum beast limits and accomplishing what seems at first to be impossible is an incredible feeling. similar to I control five miles in below thirty minutes, it's not just my body that feels good - my mind does too! Exercising next makes you look great. on days similar to I'm not exercising, I character pudgy and lazy; on days similar to I am working out, though, I character muscular and attractive. similar to my muscles are swole and flexing all daylight long, it's difficult not to mosey with reference to similar to confidence Exercise is fine for your mind and body. It helps you relax, keeps you fit and healthy, and more. One of the best ways to character greater than before roughly yourself is by getting some exercise. Exercise can make a huge difference in how you character roughly yourself, increasing your self-esteem and confidence along similar to your beast health.

Local Lucerne Valley Gym Personal Trainers

If you character similar to your workout routine is getting stale, attempt a further fitness class or two. You never have to stick similar to it if you don't similar to it, but you might locate a few fun further ways to get fit! The instructors I've met at the fitness classes I've been to are always friendly and helpful. They'll meet the expense of you pointers on how to complete an exercise if they look that you craving help. You never have to character self-conscious if you're not determined what the right form is for an exercise. I think my favorite matter roughly going to a fitness class is the personable environment. You meet some good people there and make some friends! I've gotten together similar to people from my classes outdoor of the gym for coffee and further events. Plus, it's fine hope knowing that further people are counting on you beast there - no pressure though! If you're looking for something further to attempt in your workout, pronounce a fitness class! I am a fitness class instructor. I tutor a variety of classes including BodyCombat, CX Worx, BodyPump and the strange Bootcamp. I have been teaching fitness classes for greater than two years now and I truly adore it. People often ask me how I get by similar to single-handedly three hours sleep and still control to tutor my classes, especially in the morning. with ease that's easy. The participants make my job for that reason enjoyable! If you're still having worry getting happening in the daylight to go to a fitness class, here are some reasons why you should: https://greatlucernevalleygym.blogspot.com/2022/12/great-lucerne-valley-gym.html Local Lucerne Valley Gym Option https://persianrugrepairfullerton808.blogspot.com/ https://persianrugrepairnorthtustin506.blogspot.com/2022/12/persian-rug-repair-fullerton_0298065292.html https://staff.tumblr.com/post/702925813803253761/tumblr-tuesday-alt-press https://septictankpumpinglincoln.blogspot.com/ https://septictankpumpinglincoln.blogspot.com/2022/12/septic-tank-pumping-lincoln.html

#Youtube

0 notes

taechaos · 3 years

Text

Your Boy, No?

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: You can't stand seeing Jungkook with another girl, so you give him a piece of your mind in a stranger's bedroom by becoming his outlet of sexual frustration.

warnings: losing virginity, riding, degradation

a/n: jungkook's character is not exactly submissive, so i added my own twists to this request. i hope you don't mind @madygswich c:

word count: 2.5k

You can't stop pouting. Holding back tears when seeing a woman perched up on Jungkook's lap while they make out has proven to be difficult, but you're trying. It hurts your heart; hell, you're aching everywhere. It doesn't take a genius to know he's doing it to get a reaction out of you when his eyes are throwing daggers at you with his tongue down another girl's throat.

Following Jungkook around like a lost puppy isn't ideal, especially at a frat party. He never gives you the time of the day if it's not out of menace, but you aren't willing to give up on him. It's just not possible when you are so in love with him, and so fucking jealous.

More than Jungkook, you're mad at the girl. You want to rip her heart out, make her suffer for ever touching the love of your life. You're becoming irrational, mentally cussing her out for being a whore while you stop yourself from breaking down in a house filled with horny young adults. You don't know a single person here, and you have to deal with your pent up emotions all by yourself.

You choke out a sob when Jungkook starts kneading the girl's ass shamelessly with her skirt hiked up to her back. They're being so inappropriate in the kitchen of a stranger's house, while you can't even take a sip from your spiked drink in the bustling living room. You abruptly stand up and throw away your plastic cup when Jungkook's hand disappears elsewhere, and you have an idea of what he's about to do. You march over to him, looking absolutely tiny next to the overbearing college students and you don't notice Jungkook's sinister smile as he watches you fume.

"Let go," you sound hoarse, and not at all intimidating when you push the girl off of his lap. She stumbles at the force, but you pay no mind to her confusion as you pull Jungkook up by his arm to drag him away. You think it's the anger and adrenaline giving you so much strength, but it's Jungkook amusing himself by allowing you to take him upstairs.

"This isn't a therapy session, little girl," he yells over the music, "I didn't come here to listen to you cry."

You huff and let a single tear slip before harshly wiping it away. When you reach the hallway, you enter the first bedroom you find. It's occupied by a foreplaying couple, but you're driven as you hiss, "Out!"

They leave at your demand, and you're confusing a lot of people tonight. Jungkook is surprised by your sudden aggression, but he doesn't stop with his remarks, "the chihuahua's gone mad."

"Shut up, Jungkook!" you whirl around angrily to face him. "How could you do that to me?!"

He quirks a brow. "Do what to you? I'm sorry, am I the one who forcefully brought you here? Am I tripping or are you?"

You push at his chest, "you're a fucking whore! Tonguing a girl in front of everyone, in front of me?"

His shoulders shake in silent laughter and you cross your arms when he starts cackling loudly. The music is drowned out and muffled behind the door, but it's nothing compared to how hysterically Jungkook is laughing.

"What's so funny?" you ask lamely. He throws his head back as he clutches his stomach, and you're starting to get annoyed. You push him on the bed, but he's still laughing. "Quit it already," your voice wavers, but you don't back down as you smack his chest. You place your knees on both sides of his hips to limit his movement and cover his mouth to shut him up.

His crescent eyes turn intense instantly as he glares at you under his hooded lids. He exerts only a tiny bit of his energy into pushing your hand away and you weakly collapse on him. It's foul play to compete with his muscles, and you realize he can snap you in half if he wanted to regardless of your rush of adrenaline.

You sit back up as he lowly speaks, "The fuck's it to you? I wanted to fuck her, and I was going to until you stepped in as if you're my girlfriend. Tell me why I shouldn't go back to her right now." He clasps his hands under his head, making himself comfortable with your weight pressing against his crotch.

"You know why," you huff with a frown, and you look so cute in the dim lighting with your baggy knitted sweater bunching up on the sleeves, sitting on his bulge with so much innocence in your expression. He's smitten, but it doesn't show in his cold stare. "I'm your girl, and I won't tolerate you messing around with other women. It's slutty!" You slightly bounce for emphasis, but your knee-length skirt hides your actions. Jungkook feels it with you, and his eyes trail down to your lower region.

"My girl?" he parrots with a raised brow. He gazes back into your eyes. "You do my homework."

"I don't care. I love you," you plead pathetically, "please say you love me back."

"Wasn't I a whore just a second ago?"

"You were! Apologize to me," you harshly yank his head back by his hair. He doesn't react in the slightest, so you softly add, "please."

"Oh little girl," he sighs, "are you really trying to dominate me right now?"

"I am dominating you. Promise me you won't kiss another girl like that again. I won't forgive you a second time."

"Yeah? What's my loss?"

"Well, you're lazy in school," you bluntly state, "and no one loves you like I do. No one would try to cater to you like I do. I'd do anything for you, Kookie." You tug down your skirt to take it off and plop back down on him before saying, "Including sex. You can only use me for your sexual needs."

He's enamored by your words, but he doesn't dare share it with you. Instead, he thrusts upwards and you yelp when you jump. "Go on then," he says nonchalantly. "Show me how much of a slut you are."

"U-Um, okay," you stutter and start unzipping his black denim jeans. You've seen a lot of porn videos to make sure you were prepared for the next step with Jungkook, but you have no experience with penetration.

And he realizes that rather quickly when you're so meek with your actions. With a groan, he asks, "You're not a fucking virgin, are you?"

"I've been saving it for the right guy," you answer with offence. This is a special occasion, and you want him to take it as seriously as you do. But it's definitely not a good idea to be snarky with him when you can barely remember the steps for safe sex. "Do you have a condom?"

"It's in my pocket," he grumbles and points at his front without taking it out himself. You're excited and nervous as you tear the wrapper and take out the preservative. You have no idea how to put it on, but you're topping so you clumsily push down his briefs. Jungkook is surprisingly throbbing under you, and you blush at the sight of his erection.

He stops himself from teasing you and saying that the girl from earlier gave him this boner, but he doesn't want to be cruel yet. It's your first time, and truthfully, he jacks off to thought of you too often anyway. He can handle being somewhat nice by staying quiet, but that doesn't mean he would teach you how to put on a condom.

You slip it on with little struggle, and don't waste any time in positioning his cock in your entrance. Before he can stop you, you sink down on his length with a painful moan. He wants to tell you that losing your virginity in this position is the most painful, but instead he groans, "Holy shit, how are you so fucking tight?"

It hurts so fucking bad. Your tear ducts are like clockwork as they water instantly, but you lower yourself down to the hilt anyway. You're quite literally sitting on his cock as you try to catch your breath because God, you're in so much pain.

"Fuck, are you okay?" he asks, but he's more worried about controlling himself from fucking into you before you can adjust. It's difficult, but he's trying.

"Jungkook," you whimper quietly with your eyes screwed shut, "it hurts."

"You're so fucking dumb for doing this, but you feel so fucking good," he pants as he holds your hips.

"Thank you," you muster out in a breath. A few seconds pass until the pain starts to numb, and you move against him very slowly. Your walls are stinging, but it feels like Heaven for Jungkook who you clench down on.

"Go up and down," he instructs with a bit lip. He tries to move your hips, but you're resisting in fear of another shock of pain. "Come on!"

"Can you wait?" you hiss through clenched teeth.

He's trying to rile you up when he says, "Sana wouldn't take this fucking long."

And it works, because you bounce once. "Don't say her name!"

He groans at your tightness, and he can't believe how wet you are. You're dripping on him, and he curses himself for holding back because of your hopeless romance. He can't entertain your conservative way of going on about this any longer, so he continues, "She would have made me cum by now, but this prissy princess can't even get a move on."

It's almost pathetic how one push from Jungkook makes you start moving, and it feels less uncomfortable to hop up and down against his pelvis. The filthy sound of slapping skin mixing with the generic radio music is making you feel so slutty because it's so stereotypical, but when Jungkook moans, it brings heat all over your body. You take your sweater off when sweat begins to cumulate on your temples, and he commands, "Take off your bra too."

He's thrusting into you as you unclasp the black material, freeing your breasts as he finds his new eyecandies. You are so pretty, your nipples are so hard, and your cunt sucks him in so perfectly. It almost upsets him when he realizes how much pleasure he's deprived himself of; the amount only you seem to be able to provide, because it's beyond physical intimacy.

"Good girl," he exhales and gently slams into you with his hands fondling your tits. You smile coyly through your tears, and he asks, "Does it still hurt?"

You contemplate for a second, because you don't feel the best yet, but you don't want to disappoint Jungkook either. "I-It doesn't," you lie.

Jungkook mentally rolls his eyes; he really wants to believe you so he can chase his high, but he sees right through you. He slaps your tit without mercy and chastises you, "don't lie. I thought this was your little moment of control."

"I'm sorry," you pout as you slowly ride him.

"Another lie," he slaps your other tit more harshly and you yelp.

"I'm not lying!" you plead and hasten your pace, desperate to sell your lie. It's working, because you're starting to feel a knot in your stomach the more you adjust.

He moans with you, and you lose yourself when he stills your hips and begins to fuck you himself. It's rough, loud, and the pain is your pleasure. His balls slap against your skin as he easily slides in and out of you with the help of your arousal. Your love dawns on him when you're so turned on for him without any foreplay, and he's on cloud nine because nothing can compare to being inside you.

The setting is so unlike you, fucking in someone's bedroom with a bunch of people behind the unlocked door who can barge in at any given moment, but he finds it so sexy. You only care about being with him, and you really do look like his slut now.

His hands start holding onto your ass, kneading it until it turns red with his fingerprints, and he demands you to kiss him. You're out of it, your ears are ringing and you can only moan out his name, but you can't bear to ignore him. Your lips fall on his, and the kiss is sloppy with his tongue all over your mouth. You can't keep up, but your chest swells with pride when you realize how needy he is for you. He goes as far as to spit in your mouth, and you swallow it without hesitation.

"You want me to play with your clit?" he murmurs against your lips, and his voice sounds so airy and melodic to your ears. "Hm? Want me to make you feel good, little slut?"

You whine without a clear response because his lips feel so soft and wet, and that's the only thing you can focus on. All you want to do is kiss him and he doesn't stop you from doing so, but you're even more overwhelmed when he starts touching you while penetrating you. "No," you whimper, "I'll cum."

"A slut can take it," he grunts and rubs your clit faster, and you come undone all too soon. You moan loudly as you tremble, shaking as he rides out your high with a pinch to your clit. You're numb when you collapse on top of him, but he's relentless with his thrusts. He's using your body as you intended, and he's vocal with his pleasure and teasing climax. It's remarkable how he holds you up when you've gone limp and still fucks you just as hard.

You want to record his voice when he starts to whine pathetically, but you have no energy left within. He's panting in your ear, and it's not long before his hips fall on the mattress with a sigh. He's surprised by how powerful his orgasm was, as he fills the condom with his release instantly. His cock is still nestled inside you as both of you recover from your climax.

"Get off," he taps your thigh, and he pushes you off when you don't obey immediately. Your spell has worn off as he starts to dress himself. "I'm going back to the dorms." You listen to him with your mind in a haze. "Unless you want to get raped on your way without me, get the fuck up now."

"Can you carry me please?"

He shrugs and swings your arm over his shoulder, picking up your body with ease. He collects your clothes in his hand, but doesn't hand them to you as he steps out of the room.

"W-Wait, Jungkook, I'm naked-"

"You're my girl, no? Be a good slut and shut the fuck up."

Dangling off his shoulder with your bare tits pressed against his back, you close your eyes and drift off on the way to campus.

Boyfriends typically drop their girlfriends off anyway, right?

#bts scenarios #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts imagines #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook smut #jjk smut #jungkook imagines

515 notes · View notes

cheelduh · 3 years

Text

How to bet your way into someone’s heart. (Highschool AU)

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: Fake weed. Poor Signora smh. Oh yes, lots of swearing. UNEDITED ASF IM LAZY BYE.

Synopsis: Childe is being an infatuated idiot, Lisa has eyes for vending machine chocolate, and Kaeya is desperately in need of a pencil. With all these distractions, there’s no way in hell you’ll be able focus on the task at hand.

This is crack.

I don’t have time.

You think as you race down the hallway, shoes slapping against the floor as you expertly dodge multiple students in your way.

Bullet. You're as fast as a bullet, because everyone around you is a blur and you don't stop, can't stop, not until you meet your target.

It's funny how one can accomplish many challenges and feats they were unable to, merely due to pressure. Pressure is a twisted ugly thing that can gnaw its way into the pit of your stomach and grow like a parasite. Pressure is a parasite that can either bring the best in you, or the worst, but at the cost of one's peace of mind.

"Move it Signora!" You shouted a warning at the senior blocking your way. There wasn't any time for you slow down at that point, and you'd risk bumping into the breakfast club's stall if you swerved to the side, sending juice flying everywhere.

Signora's eyes widened momentarily, getting the gist albeit her anger, and choosing to back up flatly against the locker.

Her lipstick nearly slips from her fingers as you swerve past, a thick gust of wind in your wake.

It messes with the hair she woke up two hours early for.

Signora plots her revenge. You still don't have time.

You nearly kick the door to your home room down, but you can't risk the perfect image your teachers have of you. So you pat down your t-shirt, take five tempting deep breaths, and tentatively knock the door.

The door opens and you're met with a young man, familiar amber pupils welcoming you.

You try not to huff and puff at the cost of your stamina. Thinking back, there's no way in hell you could have physically been that fast.

"Good morning Y/N," Your homeroom teacher gives you a small smile, moving aside to let you in. "Class is just about to start."

You check your watch, then turn to him with an apologetic tone, trying not to crack under the eyes of your classmates. "I'm so sorry Mr.Zhongli, I slept through my alarm."

Your idiot ass forgot to set one because you studied till four in the morning.

"You're like thirty seconds late, cut the shit." Beidou boos from the back, causing your stance to stiffen.

"I don't wanna hear it Beidou. If anything, you're two periods earlier than usual." Ningguang calls her out for you, but you have a feeling it's more so on behalf of a personal vendetta.

Ignoring the two bickering, Mr.Zhongli gives you the handout. "Take a seat. Do not fret over such minuscule things dear."

Relief washes over you. Your impeccable attendance is not on the line.

Childe tries to flag you down next to him but you send him a pointed glare and sit next to Lisa instead.

"You should give him a chance you know." Lisa doesn't even have to open her eyes to know what's going on.

"Please," You scoff, digging through your bags to collect your notes. "As if I have the time to fool around with a shady kid like him."

Your friend sighs in disapproval, and makes no move to take out her own notes as Mr.Zhongli begins the lecture on the Archon war.

"You should really pay attention." It bothers you that she doesn't, but then again it's not your place to tell her what to do or not to do.

"I don't need to." She yawns, blinking an eye open towards you. "I have you after all."

"I'm tired of saving your ass." You groan and pull a pen out of your pocket to get started on the exercises as Mr.Zhongli talks in the background.

The course outline contained all the topic, and you made sure to teach yourself as much as you could before class to stay ahead.

Immersed in the worksheet, you blinked away your sleep and tried to answer as many questions as you could at the moment. You didn't hear the slight shift next to you, and the change of breathing, or the rate of which time went by.

A familiar scent makes its way into your nostrils.

"Lisa. Why do you smell like mango juul juice." You know the scent from when Signora blew a mango flavoured fog in your face yesterday at lunch when you said you were hungry.

A chuckle erupts and you freeze in place. "That's because I'm not Lisa."

You blink. Once, twice, and then crane your head to the side to meet a pair of teasing cerulean eyes.

Fingers loosening in shock, the pen drops on the desk with a short thud.

You whisk your head towards the front of the classroom, and Mr.Zhongli is nowhere to be seen.

"There's no saving you now." Childe's smirk widens, and he scoots closer to you. "Mr.Zhongli had to get something from the staff room. The staff room is near the cafeteria."

"Which is also near the merch stall." You grumbled, bringing both hands to massage your temples as a headache is beginning it's reign.

"Tsk tsk. Smart girl. I'd like to add that he's forgotten his wallet in his office as well, which is in the south wing."

"Son of a..." You mutter underneath your breath, and opt to scoot further back, but your efforts are futile because your desk is in a corner.

Your next beacon of hope is Lisa, so you scan the room full of chattering students, only to find her pestering her crush, Jean.

Shit...there's nothing getting you out of this one.

"What did it take?" Is your only question, the despair starting to brew. How much did it take for your best friend to betray you?

"A dollar and fifty for vending machine chocolate."

You take a moment to breathe, calming your nerves and burying down the urge to screech. "What will it take?"

"For what?" Childe replies back innocently, and you can't believe how fast he can change masks. You almost give in.

"For you to leave me alone."

"Aww come on girlie," He whines, closing in the distance. "Don't be so cold."

What did your mom tell you that one time? Oh yes. That if you were ever backed against a wall, then just break the damn thing down.

Too bad it's figurative. You're just about ready to sock him in the face if you didn't know he was into that sort of thing.

"I'm serious about you," He says, and it sounds so real, so genuine, nearly makes you sputter. "See? I've even bought school supplies.

He unzips his light backback and spills the contents on the table.

A lone piece of paper flies out, a lighter, and a mechanical pencil with no lead that follows straight after. There's also a pocket knife that you choose to ignore.

You're not the least bit surprised.

"First of all, how the fuck are you passing this class. Second, do you really think I'm into nerds?"

"Well, considering that you are a nerd—"

"You're making things worse."

"My bad, my bad." He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "But on a serious note. I'll do anything."

You cross your arms. "I'm not just another one of your conquests Childe. It's not like I have the time. There are better things to do."

"You need to relax." He says so simply, with complete disregard as to what you are trying to say.

"I am relaxed." You reply, picking up your pen to continue your work. If he's going to annoy you, then you might as well get shit done while he's at it.

You're not wasting any more time.

"When was the last time you got a full eight hours of sleep?" His voice is soft, too soft, and it's not at all like the Childe you know.

Your pen stops momentarily, but you will yourself to continue writing. The words look fumbled, but you don't care. The best thing to do is get your work done and ignore the idiot next to you.

"C'mon, Zhongli won't be back for another half an hour at least. Let's go." He kicks the bottom of your chair to urge you.

The pen shakes in your hand, and you narrow your eyes at the paper, digging holes into poor question eight. "I'm trying to work here. Let me work." You'll say anything to get him off your back.

"Fine fine fine..." He raises both hands in mock surrender. "I'll stop bothering you."

Your ears perk up at that, and you turn to him so fast he has to hold in his laugh. "Really?"

"Yeah," Childe nods along, bringing your hopes up. "If you win a bet, that is." And they're back to ocean level.

You roll your eyes. There's always a catch. That doesn't mean you're any less interested.

"What's the bet?" You ask curiously, all your focus now on him. Just as he longed for from the very start.

He flicks a thumb towards the door, leaning closer to whisper next to your ear. "We bet when Zhongli comes back."

"Are you kidding me?" You aren't bothered at all at the close proximity, mainly because you're too tired and only care about the freedom that will come with your win.

Childe, however, is a completely different story. His heart is beating a thousand times a second, but his face doesn't show it. Not one bit.

Kaeya leans in from the seat behind you two, interested in what's going on. "Ooooh secrets."

"Shut up Kaeya." Childe and you monotonously drone in sync, still having your little staring contest.

The captain of the skating team smiles, about to ask—

"No. We don't have an extra pencil. Even if we did we wouldn't give it to you." Childe finally breaks his gaze to scare off Kaeya.

Kaeya raises a smug brow, and leans back in his chair like the jerkwad he is. "Then don't let me keep you two love birds."

That's all it takes for him to earn Childe's unwavering respect and loyalty for as long as he lives.

After the two are done creating an elaborate handshake as a mark of their newfound friendship, you decide to just forget about the handout. It's not like you're getting anything done anyways.

"Anyways, back to the bet." Childe says, resting his cheek on his fist as he stares at you dreamily. You try not to break under his gaze.

"If I win, you have to go on a date with me."

"No way in hell—"

"Then I'll bother you for the rest of highschool."

Highschool is eternity. You don't want to live through an eternity of this.

"Fine." You answer, and for the first time he sees genuine fear in your face, it makes him waver slightly. Not enough for him to pity you.

"If I win..." You trail, thinking loud and clear as you ignore the excited chatter of your classmates. "I want you to pay attention to class."

"What?" He exclaims incredulously, blinking in disbelief. "I thought you'd get me to stop talking to you altogether."

"If you're paying attention in class, you don't bother me as much and your grades go up." You grin smartly, and oh archons it livens his entire day up, and it's only nine in the morning.

"You care about my grades?" Childe bites back a smile.

"Not at all." You lie, and quickly look away. Woah the floor tile looking trippy.

He decides it's better to get on with the bet without causing you any more distress. After all, you've given him such cute facial expressions today. He's feeling quite generous.

Pulling out his cracked-as-shit latest model phone, he unlocks it and tinkers with it a bit before turning the screen towards you.

"We'll be using this to time both of our predictions at the same time. Whoever has the closer time to when he finally swings by is the winner." The rules are simply put, no room for error.

You tilt your head in confusion. "Why am I seeing a slime review?"

"SHIT!" Childe fumbles with his phone, aggressively tapping on the screen. He lowers his head and voice as if he's been through fifty consecutive hits in the face. "It's uh, Teucer's account."

"Yeah...okay." Is all you can say.

"Ok what do you bet?" He changes the topic to unfuck the situation.

Putting a finger in your chin, you think for a minute, calculating the average of all the times Mr.Zhongli has left the classroom for a considerable amount of time.

"Fifteen minutes." You're sure of it. It's like clockwork every day.

"Hmm..." Childe crosses his arms, seemingly in deep thought. "Five minutes." He places his bet, and both timers start simultaneously.

Five minutes?! Is he serious?

You laugh inwardly. This challenge is in the bag.

The sense of victory you feel dulls when your ears pick up the echo of footsteps nearing the classroom.. Both your heads snap up to the doors.

There's something scary about Childe once his competitive side comes out. "Looks like I've won." He turns to you, eyes darkening evilly.

"What? There's no way in hell a ginger is right." Your palms are clammed up, eyebrows furrowed in panic. You calculated every single variable, how could this be?

You race to the front, Childe right on your tail as the entire class clamps up. The footsteps get louder, causing even whispers to become total silence.

Then it hits you. The shitty music about getting bitches and bars playing on the other side.

The door is swung open by Childe, and you're face to face with an idiot sophomore with a speaker in his pocket.

Childe’s grin is long gone, and you sigh in relief.

The false alarm encourages the class to return back to their idle chatter.

"Scaramouche?" Childe spits, narrowing his eyes at the unamused boy. "I thought it was Signora's shift today."

By "shift" he means being a complete dickwad and scamming fake weed to students in return for their souls. It only really works on the freshmen.

The only reason the club still runs is because Signora threatened the principal with some sus pictures she snapped of him and his assistant.

"Apparently she had an emergency." Scaramouche explains, lowering the volume on his outdated beats pill. "Something about a hair appointment because she got ran into by a, and I quote "lecherous imbecile.""

You steer clear of the conversation, finding the whiteboard far more fascinating and worth your while.

A loud cough is heard from behind the kid, and you're met with a crestfallen look on your beloved teacher's face.

You go through a whiplash of emotions, becoming completely numb towards your loss.

"They were out of slow cooked bamboo shoot soup." He sighs, handing a stack of papers to Childe, who is wearing the fattest smirk on his face at his victory. "Please hand these out to your classmates Childe, and we will begin shortly."

You check down at the timer despite knowing who’s won. Five minutes and twenty five seconds. Somehow, you don't feel as dejected as you thought you'd feel.

Maybe the date will be fun. Maybe Childe isn't so bad. Maybe...you do have time to indulge in these sort of things. If he’s so hell bent on getting your attention, perhaps it’s possible that you can make some room in your heart for him.

However, all those thoughts fly out the window when Childe hands you the new worksheet.

“I hope you're ready for our date tomorrow. We'll be sparring till sundown, and after you’ll be feeding me with chopsticks." He winks, and it makes your heart flip even though all you want right now is to go to the bathroom and barf your guts out.

Feelings are complicated.

You smile back at him nauseously, tight lipped and all, then you pull out your phone, go on maps, and search for the closest cliffs to jump off of.

After he's done, Childe slouches back in his original seat with a different kind of enthusiasm, and opens up his messages. He texts Zhongli a "thank you <3".

#childe x reader #genshin oneshot #genshin impact oneshot #genshin imagines #childe #tartagila #kaeya alberich #fanfic #genshin impact #genshin tartagalia

240 notes · View notes

theji · 3 years

Text

我的世界守则 The Rules of My World: An Analysis

I came across this video while browsing Weibo last night. It was taken during Yibo's rehearsal for his 'The Rules of My World' performance. I've listened to the song countless times and I like it, the rhythm and all, and the dance. But as with many rap music, I don't pay attention to the lyrics. I suddenly realised I don't really know what the song is talking about, save for the few phrases that stood out. That sparked my interest and inspired today's post. I had previously done some analysis of Zhan's songs, so it's Yibo's turn.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional translator or lyricist. And obviously I'm not Yibo nor do I know him personally, so I can't say for sure what the song is really about. The following analysis is purely based on my personal interpretation. It has CPN components. Please skip if you don't believe that BJYXSZD.

'The Rules of My World' is the 2nd song that Yibo penned the lyrics to himself. The fact that he wrote the lyrics is significant and makes the song worth analysing. 2019's 'Wu Gan' was more 'inward-looking'; about Yibo expressing his own thoughts on navigating the entertainment industry. To me, 'The Rules of My World' is him making a statement, a stand, at the same time, he's sending a message to those he cares about - GG and his (real) fans. Yibo released this song on 30 Dec 2020. The timing is interesting cos it like he's summing up his sentiments based on the events that took place during the year. To outsiders, 2020 was a good year for Yibo. He had many endorsements, projects, high exposure, his commercial value rose. But in CPN reality, 2020 was terrible for so many reasons. GG's incident, him being overworked, crazy fan wars and antis etc etc..anyone who cares about Yibo would be delusional to think he had it good last year.

欢迎你们来加入我的世界 (You're welcome to join my world)

入场券上面有正义的光源 (There's a light of justice on the admission ticket)

DD is giving fans an open invitation to enter his world, to understand him as a person and not just an idol. And he also hopes that his world can bring some light to the fans' world, to bring some positivity, encouragement and guidance to them.

此生面对严厉又仁慈的一切 (In this life we'll face harshness but also kindness)

轻松一点，我们一起度过黑夜 (Just relax, together we'll overcome darkness)

In the entertainment world (or life in general), there will be ups and downs, criticisms and compliments. Regardless of what may come, we can overcome any challenges together. Darkness here could also refer to the antis who seem determined to bring GGDD down. This could be a message to fans - to tell them that they don't always have to rush to defend him, and they don't need to retaliate (aka fan wars). It could also be a message to GG, to make a stand of solidarity and to reassure GG that DD will face any challenges alongside him.

新的征途 (A new journey)

愚蠢的，不好相处 (These fools, they aren't easy to get along with)

愚蠢的，不会打住 (These fools, they won't stop)

但衬托明天更耀眼的路 (But they will set off a brighter path for tomorrow)

It was said that DD matured considerably after the 2*7 incident. Took up more responsibility, became more focused on his career and mindful of future advancements etc. Started to take on more serious acting projects and to shift his career trajectory towards something more sustainable and less 'idol'. The new journey could be a reference to this new path. The fools - the antis, those against GGDD - may have caused damage but their actions have also sparked off DD's desire to do better and to find his footing in the entertainment industry. He now has a clearer view of what he wants, the path he wants to take.

我是我的样子 (This is how I am)

我生来就固执 (I was born stubborn)

讲自己的故事 (I'll tell my own story)

活独特的气质 (Living my unique self)

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

Here, DD is being assertive. This is me, I follow my own rules, I'll make my own decisions, I'll forge my own path, I won't be influenced, I won't give up on my beliefs. So antis, capitalists etc can f*ck off.

It could also be seen as an advice to his fans - to follow his lead and live their own lives. This is also something that GG has repeatedly said to fans - to focus on their own lives, personal relationships, studies, careers etc. Don't devote so much time on chasing idols, online fan wars etc.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地，走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓，多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我世界的守则，不许你诡辩 (These are the rules of my world, I won't allow any sophistry)

I see this as DD's words of encouragement, to himself and to GG. Despite all the challenges and hardship, darkness will pass and the sun will come out eventually. And it's shining brightly, there is hope left in this world, there's is much to look forward to. So don't fear, be brave and forge ahead.

Sophistry: the use of clever but false arguments, especially with the intention of deceiving

Poor DD is always hit with industry rumours, about him dating his co-stars etc. Last year, someone even made a false police report against him. Just look at the number of statements his company had to put out. There have also always been ongoing rumours about rivalry between GGDD, tales of backstabbing etc, especially in 2020 at the height of the incident. DD is saying that this is his life, his world. No one knows better than the both of them. So to those who don't know better but continue to spew nonsense about his life and relationships and spread hate, know that I don't care about your antics, they don't hurt me but I won't tolerate them as well.

在我世界行走 (Walking in my world)

什么人生主题你透露 (What kind of life theme do you envisage)

是胆大勇猛所向披靡 (Is it to be bold, courageous and invincible)

或胆小逃避钻进壳里 (Or to be timid and escape into your shell)

喧闹倾诉众人party (Is it to pour out your troubles at a rowdy party)

寂寞相思不停地哭泣 (Or to cry silently non-stop out of loneliness and love-sickness)

都欢迎你来我这里 (All are welcome)

只要跟从自己的内心 (So long as you follow your heart)

跟限制和噪音说一声 bang bang (I'll say 'Bang Bang' to restriction and noises)

怪兽都退散 (Monsters, be gone)

What kind of person am I in your eyes? The cool guy or soft sweet babie Yibo? Here, DD is acknowledging that the public has many different perceptions of him, and fans love different personas of him and he's ok with that. But if you love him, then let him be. Don't try to restrict him, don't quarrel or force him into a certain mould of your preference. He won't hesitate to shoot the haters (monsters) down.

迈出轻盈的步伐 (Take a light step forward)

一声令下 (With a single command)

来宣布告别孤勇 (To announce a farewell to having to fight alone)

On this new path, with a new-found realisation of what he wants, DD is clear of what he wants to achieve and he is no longer burdened by fear, uncertainties etc. Both GGDD now have each other by their sides, they share a common purpose as they navigate the intricacies of the entertainment industry together and work their way to the top. And I think this is something that we're seeing more in the fandom since end 2020 - GGDD seemingly becoming more bold in their actions and messages they put out (silent or otherwise).

想要做盘旋的龙 (Wanna be a hovering dragon)

还想做懒散的虫 (Or a lazy worm)

别打扰我走开没空 (Don't bother me, go away, I have no time for that)

In public, DD is that proud and confident king. He's not a pushover. But behind the cameras, he just wants to chill and relax (and play games). Please don't bother me, give me some privacy to lead my own life, don't tell me what I can or cannot do.

Cue DD's message. He meant it.

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

This is a repetition of the earlier verse but what has changed is the last 2 lines. From <It's my world I won't give in>, DD now says <We will never give in>. This was actually the first thing that sparked off my CPN, and hinted to me that this song concerns GG in some ways. Who's We? We all know how GGDD almost always use the word 'we' in their CQL promo interviews and bts, as though they come as a package and all views represent both of them as a entity. This also echoes the earlier sentiments - both of them, after the 2020 incident, have developed a steely resolve. They won't let the antis or challenges or societal views hold them back anymore. Their world, their rules. They will fight for their rights and what they believe in, and they are determined to reach their goals.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我们的世界不会被改变 (Our world will never be changed)

Again, similar to the above 'we' example. From this part of the song onwards, DD is referring to them both. The last line could also be viewed as an affirmation of GGDD's commitment to each other. Whatever is it, our relationship will not change. We will go through it all together.

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you work up on it

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you all up on it

Let me see you work up on it

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Don't stop

Hey

I interpret this as DD's words of encouragement to GG. Like don't stop fighting, continue to work hard towards your (our) goals. Go for it, you can do it!

在我的世界 (In my world)

本能很关键 (Instinct is the key)

坚持自己 (Stay true to yourself)

就是你们的世界 (It is your world)

DD's parting words to fans: to stay true to oneself, to build and enrich your own worlds, to fight for your goals, like how he is trying.

Well, I had fun working on this. Maybe I'll do Wu Gan another time. Reminded me of literature class during my schooling days, although I never did Chinese literature back then. Feel free to share your thoughts on the song with me. =D

#wang yibo #bjyx #bjyxszd #yizhan #the ji's song of the moment

103 notes · View notes

seungminotes · 3 years

Text

Broken Noses and Potted Plants (pt.1)

w.c. ~2k

warnings. some cursing I believe, gender neutral (please notify me if anything suggests otherwise!)

desc. high school au, love triangle w/ student body president! seungmin and reckless and lazy! jisung

a.n. hello! I am getting back into writing! this will be part of a series updated weekly, for now please enjoy part 1 and tell me if you're liking it? any and all feedback appreciated.

For someone as lonesome and timid as you, Kim Seungmin was what you'd call your savior.

Him being Class President and the longest standing place holder of the first rank of your grade, you would think he was the solitary and studious type of person. No one would think such a straightforward and driven student was so popular and well-liked as he was.

You being only second to him, knew it was difficult enough to balance academics with a few simple extracurriculars, imagine having a social life on top of that, it made your head spin.

And yet, somehow Seungmin managed to do it all. He was class president, captain of the baseball team, and on the officer committees of at least five clubs and honor societies. On top of all that, he was one of the most popular and well-known students in your year.

Sure, Seungmin had lots of friends and acquaintances, but some he would consider a lot closer than others. You weren't really one of those, let’s face it. You knew that much.

In fact, you and Seungmin were mostly just "friends" for the academic benefit of it all. You'd sat near him all year long, were his vice class president, and were also in numerous of the same honor societies. It just made sense that you'd be at least academically close, a lot more would get done that way.

For instance, you two would often study together at the school’s library after classes, specifically on Fridays, when no extracurriculars were occurring to keep you busy. Lunch time was strictly student government briefing for you two. And in the time between lessons, you’d regularly check each other’s classwork and homework for each other, catching any errors either of you made before it was time to submit, not that Seungmin made many errors anyway. To say that you two spent a lot of time together would be a bit of an understatement.

Despite all this time though, you could hardly say you really knew Seungmin, at least not on a personal level. You knew he always preferred chicken at lunch, and how math was undoubtedly his best subject, whereas he struggles a bit more with language. You knew he was an amazing leader and how his decisions were always very well rounded and well-received amongst the student body. You knew he was an exceptional baseball player.

But that was about it really. Yet you somehow still managed to develop some huge crush on this guy. This boy who would never feel the same towards you surely, because you two were merely classmates with similar goals and no intentions of building upon this acquaintance-like friendship.

Knowing this, you still sometimes tried to get closer to Seungmin, you really did, out of the sheer possibility that one day he may notice and you’d have an implicit agreement of friendship at the very least.

One of these attempts was made with the founding of the club you’ve always wanted the school to have, but were sure hardly anyone would join unless prompted to do so.

The morning you had asked Seungmin to take into consideration a new club proposal, he had initially rejected it quite harshly.

“Who would join this?” he smiled. To be quite honest he had found the idea of a gardening club maintaining potted flowers and vegetables on the school’s old rundown rooftop greenhouse to be pretty wholesome, but did not think it held quite the right formality to be taken as seriously as other clubs if presented to the rest of the student government. Everyone was way too stressed and busy with exams to waste time playing with dirt.

He eyed the proposal form meticulously, looking for the student’s name, but to no avail.

“Who submitted this?” he asked, looking up from the table for the first time since lunch began.

“I just thought it’d be a nice stress reliever for everyone,” you replied, now feeling a lot less confident than when you had slid the piece of paper in front of him.

Your shy look told Seungmin he had probably hurt your pride just now, something that he would never mean to do on purpose of course, and now he felt the remorse creeping up on him. Perhaps the club wouldn’t be such a bad thing, he thought over. Maybe tweaking the name just a bit would make it sound more worthwhile to students.

He sighed.

“Put your name on it and change the name to an Environmental Awareness Club, something along those lines at least. We can present the idea at today's meeting.”

Headstrong and confident as always, Seungmin brought a smile to your face as you reached over into your bag to fish out a pen and correct the form.

Seungmin had always been this closed off and serious, never speaking informally to you, and never wasting his words, he was the most concise and careful speaker you had ever met. And for some reason this only drew you in. His big brain energy was just that attractive.

On the other side of the table, Seungmin took notice of your surge in mood and smiled to himself, relieved to have boosted your spirit.

The board hardly agreed to the proposal until Seungmin cut in and beautifully explained the benefits of gardening and plants on stress relief and the ideologies of being environmentally conscious at your age.

After that everyone was pretty much sold on the idea with just one condition. Miroh High’s new Environmental Awareness Club would have to be established in time for the annual club fair in two weeks. Meaning, recruitment of leading members, supplies and set up on the rooftop would have to be set by at least next week to be considered for the school’s extensive list of beneficial extracurricular activities for students.

The condition was enough to falter even Seungmin’s confidence. He was unsure if you’d manage to do all that on your own in just a week, especially with your rather quiet tendencies, he doubted you could recruit many students in such a small amount of time.

He looked over at you, almost as if asking for your approval, to which he caught your lingering gaze on him, a look he had never seen coming from you. You slightly nodded your head once in agreement to the ruling and Seungmin politely shook his head towards the rest of the government board members, bowing as he took his seat once again.

Seungmin had made your dream gardening club a hopeful reality, you just needed more people now, that was the only problem. Still, you imagined having Seungmin join and coming along to your gardening club, gently taking care of a flower. No, a vegetable, you decided. Seungmin would prefer a vegetable, it’d be more practical of him.

The day following your ‘environmental awareness club” approval was a Friday. Your designated study session with Seungmin was as always to take place in the library after classes had ended, only today he had opted to stay behind a bit and insisted you meet there in thirty minutes instead.

“I’m helping Han with cleaning duty today, so I’ll meet you there,” he explained, before he stood up from his seat making way for the desk behind you.

Behind you, a certain Han Jisung had sat for the last 3 years of school in which somehow you two were always assigned the same classroom and the same seating order, you in front, him right behind you.

Today Jisung was dead asleep, as he usually was after a math lesson. The sight made you smile, Seungmin lightly shaking his friend awake as a very disoriented Jisung began to stretch and groan from his interruption.

Jisung was actually a very close friend of Seungmin’s. Very unexpected given their contrasting qualities. Sometimes opposites just attract huh. Seungmin could never sleep in class, for instance, while Jisung might as well have brought a pillow on the daily.

You knew Jisung wasn’t exactly the most driven student either, but his rank had miraculously never sunk below 10, he was just naturally smart that way. He also never bothered with extracurriculars much, claiming music was all he cared enough for to ever sign up for. Overall, Jisung was an unexpectedly exceptional student with lazy tendencies and not much academic ambition, a striking polar to Seungmin.

After watching the scene unfold, you stood up yourself and made your way towards the vending machine to pass the time waiting for Seungmin before heading to the library. You decided on a small bag of chips and two cookies. You also decided to save one for Seungmin, even though you weren’t supposed to eat in the library, you figured he could save it for afterwards or something.

Unbeknownst to you, Seungmin would later take this small offering in a different light.

Because you see, Seungmin had experienced a fair amount of admirers in his time and had been used to the small gifts given to him by more brazen ones before. In combination with the lingering gazes he felt you giving him both yesterday and now today, he was worried the same was occurring once again. Only this time he didn’t know to go about it. Usually he would simply refuse their gestures with a polite apology and it’d be enough to kindly reject them. But he was unsure this time. Not because he felt anything of the sort towards you, no, Seungmin was much too busy for romantic gestures and feelings to eat up his time, but rather because you were simply so close to him. Not in the personal sense, but in the academic proximity sense of closeness. If he were to “kindly reject you”, would you avoid him like his other past admirers often decide to do? That would make a lot of student government stuff difficult. He suddenly wondered if he could have led you on at all, had he been too kind towards you lately? His racing thoughts spiralling into a mess of ‘what ifs’ were fortunately cut short.

“Are you alright Seungmin? You haven’t finished the problem set yet.” you inquired. Seungmin was usually the one to finish long before you, especially if it was math.

He’d looked over at the fully scribbled page of your workbook, realizing his distraction.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“No problem,” you replied, glancing towards our watch briefly. It was just nearing the time the school’s library closed and you had planned to leave a bit earlier to make a quick trip to the plant nursery just a few minutes off your route home, you had thought your study session would have ended by now.

“Do you need to go,” Seungmin voiced, noticing a slight impatience in the bounce of your knee.

You thanked Seungmin’s impeccable attention, you couldn’t find it in you to excuse yourself when he still hadn’t finished.

“I’m heading to the nursery today for some supplies for the club,” you unconsciously checked the time once again.

“We can look over the answers Monday if you like? I got a little distracted today…” Seungmin trailed off.

It was unusual for Seungmin to trail off his sentences and get distracted and for a second you worried for him and wanted to ask if anything was bothering him.

Only, you stopped yourself. You didn’t know Seungmin like that. It would be inappropriate and insensitive to ask him something like that, right? You decided it was best to let it go, everyone has off days after all. Even the amazing Seungmin isn’t immune to them.

“I’ll leave first then,” you offered, bidding him a polite bow of the head before slinging your bag over our shoulder and making your way out of the library.

Seungmin watched you walk towards the door, unconsciously biting his inner cheek, he felt... worried, that was the best fitting word, he would say, only he wasn’t completely sure that was what the heavy weight in the pit of his stomach really was.

When you had disappeared down the hall, Seungmin slumped his head down onto the table heaving a deep sigh.

#stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #skz fluff #skz angst #han jisung imagines #han jisung #kim seungmin #seungmin imagines #jisung imagines #skz scenarios #jisung drabbles #jisung fluff #seungmin fluff #skz x reader #skz imagines

69 notes · View notes

minahoeshi · 3 years

Text

to be yours and you, mine.

Kuroo Tetsurō x reader | just pure angst. so much angst.

warning: major character death

prelude: the end lets its presence be known before it comes around. At times, that sense of awareness feels like a blessing. But with you and Tetsurou, the reminder of what soon will come can only hurt you even further. Because mankind has never been powerful enough to do anything against so many things. We have always been weak in the face of nature. especially against the passage of time and all the things it keeps taking from us.

It's almost odd how the world changed when you realised what the moments of silence has reduced your relationship into. How, when you finally acknowledged the fact that perhaps the end of a prolonged short story is nearer than you'd rather believe, a filter seemed to slip off of the camera, along with the vibrance you never realised was raised too high. It's not like the frames suddenly are less colourful. It's just that the tinges of blue in the shadows and highlights have made themselves more obvious, like a sign waiting for you to conclude things yourself.

Maybe it's because it's the new years and new beginnings just seem so scary. Or maybe it's the ice in the air, or the meteorologist on the television announcing that it's 7°C that morning that makes the lack of warmth between you and him more unbearable. But you wake up to the silence of the world, not even the birds are around to fuss above your house. To the empty space beside you, a reminder of his message three days ago.

Tetsu(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

I'm staying with my family this new year. Okaa-san thinks I need to spend 'the end of the year and the beginning of a new one with those that made such days possible for me'. You know, her usual line to remind me of their importance. Miss you.

Let's video call on new year's eve, yeah?

received 9:26

He did call you last night. Not the video call he promised, but a voice call on Line. But you didn't answer. If he asked why, you would've told him you were with your friends in a shrine celebrating new years with prayers for a better future for one another, drinking sake, and walking the streets of Shibuya with your girls and gays and the one guy friend that everyone wonders how he ended up in the group.

It didn't hurt that he only called you once and never tried again. It didn't hurt that he didn't ask why. But fuck was it painful to hear the voicemail.

"Happy new year, Y/N san. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be there with you, I promise. I love you. So much."

It's scary and painful how his voice seemed to waver. How it was shaky and devoid of his usual timbre, a ghost of what once was a joking and rarely serious tone that took light of most situations. His voice that you loved so much, absent because maybe he knew too.

Maybe he was aware that no saving can be done to bring forth the past as if it was the present. To rebuild the broken and to remind you both of what you had all these years. To you and him, the signs couldn't be more obvious. When the world crumbles, you don't save it. You kiss it goodbye and go on to search for a new one. One that won't break with you in it. (but you know you won't search. you never do.)

You spend the next hours awake. The consciousness, unwanted. You want so much to just fall down as if the darkness can just swallow you and you'd be happier in it. In silence, you might feel better.

But you can't help the way your brain works. You bask in the reminiscing, the present disappearing before you until it's the past that owns you.

It's not the memories that grabs hold of you but him in his entirety. You cry because you will miss all that he is. The lazy tone he uses when he feels comfortable beside you on the couch. The humour he finds in everything, even in chemistry which is crazy because nothing about chemistry is comical. The messy hair he refuses to tame because he loses his identity, a piece of him, his pride and legacy when his hair looks neat. You'll miss his hand on your back when you're walking outdoors, his iced coffee with a secret ingredient that is probably not really a secret, his hugs when you feel yourself falling in the deep hole of misery, his excitement when he speaks of volleyball, his pride when he talks about his achievements, his— all of him. You'll miss all of him. Too much.

Kuroo spends the car ride thinking of you. Reminding himself to remind you of all that you must remember. To hold your hand tight for as long as he can until he can't.

He reminds himself of the things he love so much about you. Of your unequaled patience and trust in him. Of your ability to strip him of all his bad so that he can only see his good. Of your laughter when he speaks of his day as comically as possible. Of the mornings he wakes up beside you. Of your— everything. All that you are.

Because as the car nears your house, he feels himself crumble. Because he just knows what is about to come. So he must keep in him all your good and bad to be grounded. To stay long enough.

Kuroo stays in the car and stared at the door. The door that opens slowly and reveals you in your scarf and windbreaker. Beautiful. You in all your tear-stained glory, your nose and ears red. He stares as you step into the snow and approach him. He stares as you knock on the window.

And so he opens the door.

You break again the moment you see him. You wish to be strong for him. He doesn't deserve your sadness and weakness but he told you to let yourself be. That your tears are better seen than hidden. Because it helps him and you know how you are feeling. So that he doesn't have to walk around eggshells because you both expose all your vulnerability to one another.

So you fall on his knees. You dont wait for him to get out. You cry on his lap and you know he cried with you. You fall apart together. The same way you built each other to be whoever you two are today, you both break each other.

You say, Testu. Tetsu Tetsu Tetsu Tetsu. He says it's fine, he's fine. He leans and kisses your head and you cry more the same way he does as he hugs you from above. I'm sorry, you say. I should've answered your call, you say.

But I was scared. I was too scared.

And you both know. You fear the same thing. Because as Kuroo is placed on his wheelchair with your help and Kenma's who has been with you two since the very beginning. He leaves both of you because he knows that's what's best. He gives Kuroo a hug before he drives away.

He's bone-thin. Dark bags under his eyes, cheekbones too visible, lips too pale— tired. He looked more tired than three days ago, before he suddenly disappeared that day and you felt too much pain because was he gonna leave you that way? Was he not gonna be with you until the very last of everything?

You were thankful he texted you that night. Because you would've gone crazy with all your thoughts. You understood why he had to go home. His family needed him and he needed them. You couldn't be selfish.

That night, you spend hours on your bed with Kuroo. He didn't need the morphine, he tells you. He's okay. But his breathing is ragged and he's sweating. He can't move without hurting. But you don't give him painkillers because he told you so. So instead, you kiss him. You kiss him and tell him you love him. You tell him you were happiest with him. He doesn't talk much. But the last he said before you both slept was, "I love you too. More than anything and everything. I love you."

The next morning, you cry harder. This time, all by yourself. Tetsutetsutetsutetsutetsutetsu. He never responds.

You cry harder.

But at the very least, he was still holding your hand.

Tetsu(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Science is yet to prove the existence of reincarnation so instead of pinning everything on it, I'd rather appreciate this one life I spent loving you. Because there's no other way for me to have lived than to be yours and you mine. This one life is enough for the universe to understand that we are eternity, you and me. Forever.

I love you. I know you love me too.

2:09 am

You

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

5:27 am

Okaa-san - mother

Tetsu - nickname for Kuroo from his first name, Tetsuro. In Japan, cute nicknames are more common than endearments like honey or love.

Shibuya - a city or special ward in the prefecture, Tokyo.

Sake - Japanese alcohol made of rice and other ingredients.

Line - most used messaging app in Japan.

Thanks for reading!

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu fic #haikyu x reader #haikyuu angst #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo #kuroo imagine #kuroo reader insert #kuroo fanfic #kuroo fic #kuroo x reader #kuroo angst #nekoma

101 notes · View notes

iamlailanie · 3 years

Text

It's been a year but still...

Hi! It's been a while :) I guess It's been 2 years since I wrote my first blog. A lot of things have happened these past few years. There have been ups and MANY downs but it has taught us a lot in life especially we're in the middle of a worldwide global pandemic.

In terms of Pandemic:

It's already been a year when the quarantine imposed in Philippines. I never thought that these things will last longer than much as I expected. Covid-19 is surely a no joke. I remembered when we're still in the middle of reporting in our class, I am the last reporter which I am preparing my lines, practicing my tone and how should I deliver it. Then someone knocks the door, It was the guard reminding us that our class is dismissed due to circulating virus as Mayor Isko stated. Our professor agreed but after we finish the report. So I start reporting (which I know no one's listening) preparing their bags to leave lol. I'm a bit relief because I don't get questioned since our mind (our prof included) focuses on 1 week vacation. SIKE!

After we leave the class, We're actually excited obviously it's a 1 week suspension, We even plan to go somewhere, We even plan to go outing, swim and hike. But it never happened obviously, since the virus is circulating all over the news. We got scared ofc. After I went to dorm, I packed some of my things which we thought that it's just 1 week suspension. When I got home, the news said that the govt will continue the lockdown for another 1 month. Then goes another month, so on & so forth. GCQ, ECQ, MECQ, MGCQ, BBQ lmao. Unfortunately, a year had passed, Philippines is still not covid-free and still in ECQ.

I know all of us are struggling hard in different ways, Covid-19 isn't something that we should underestimate. It not just attacking our physical health but it attacks our mental health, emotional even financial either. Companies, food restaurants, schools, businesses, economy are also struggling and most of them are still haven't recovered from the bankruptcy. It's heartbreaking to see when people lost their jobs especially jeepney drivers begging for foods. Sometimes, I get really sad whenever I sleep comfortably and realizing that someone out there, begging and asking for help, dying, depressed, even some committing suicide. Some lost their love-ones, some are praying they can live more, some are wishing they could go back home, some are grasping for air.

However, despite of these circumstances , I hope that we don't stop having faith in God. He makes miracles everyday. We may not see the way how He moves, but you see, we're still living and fighting. Isn't that a blessing itself? God will give you the strength you need to hold on. Repeat after me:

At my lowest: God is my hope.

At my darkest: God is my light.

At my weakest: God is my strength.

At my saddest: God is my comforter.

Verses you can hold on:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

In terms of my dental course: (update)

Currently, I am now in 3rd year, 2nd semester and still struggling as usual. I may say every subject is a challenge. It's quite difficult especially we're in online class. There's PROs and CONs regarding bout having online class as a student. Since I'm not yet a clinician, there would be a lot of pro's here.

Let's start with a Cons, As a dental student, Face to face is clearly a must but since Covid, we have to prioritize first our health safety.

1. There's a lot of distractions. You can't focus that much. It's either you have unstable connection or you use too much gadgets since you're not in the room. No one's watching. No one can stop you using your phones even you're in the middle of discussion. It's either you are in Tiktok, scrolling your newsfeed, playing games even watching movies, etc. Yes. You're listening but your presence of mind aren't there. (I'm attacking myself too)

2. As a dentistry student, ofc we have to bought dental materials, since I'm in Taguig, there's no dental shop near here, it's either we have to travel to Maynila, or order online which is really hella expensive. Two things test you there, Budget and Patience.

3. Practicals. Hands on. I don't need to further explain. No doctors, professors, friends can help you. You only have yourself. They can only guide you. (except if you have your parents/relatives that can teach and help you with the techniques which sadly I don't have). My parents help me in diff way, they're just there supporting me emotional and financial but not in practicals. There's only me, myself and I. Google, YouTube, Ebooks, Recorded lessons, even ppt slides will be your best friend.

4. You can't see your classmates and friends. I remembered every after exam, we hangout. We ate, sharing how hard our exam is. You have the peer support system.

5. Radiation. Always in your computer can give an headache so I bought an Eyewear to protect my eyes atleast from these radiation.

6. Teaches you to be lazy. IF only you are not taking seriously your studies. But in my case, In face to face, back then, I am diligently taking notes every discussion but now, just taking screenshot and printing the slides in one click.

7. And of course, You have no money.

On the other hand, Pros are:

1. You can sleep anytime. Just turn off your cam, then get your pillow, Zzzzz. Unless, your prof calls you for recitation.

2. You don't have to ligo. You can save water. Just brush your hair and then you can go to class. Walang makakaamoy. Tipid din sa damit lol.

3. You can procrastinate. I hate to admit but it's me.

4. You don't have to walk. After you wake up, you just have to sit and then open your computer or phone then you're in.

5. You can cheat. Not advisable but yes. If you want to pass without learning, you cheat. But if you wanna learn, you shouldn't.

7. You always have your "me time".

8. You can eat anytime.

9. You don't have to go to dorm, more quality time in your family.

10. You can leave class easily.

Therefore, I firmly believe that you never stop learning. You learn something new everyday. It's funny we never noticed. It's funny to think that the world is having problem with these pandemic while my problem is how to pass my subject. Haha

I may say, Dentistry is really really hard than much as I expected. Each steps are hard, sometimes, out of nowhere, I ask myself why am I even here? Why did I chose this again? Why do I keep trying? Is this really my calling? Ofc I admit all of that, There's a lot of what ifs. But to think in diff point of view, What if I never give up? What if I'll make it? What if I can? You see. It's the way you think. You're perception in life is what molds you. You can be a dentist if you think you can. You can be an engineer if you think you can. You can even be the next president if you want to. Everybody starts in having perception then next, execution.

I may not be smartest one, but no matter how smart or how beautiful you are, those things aren't valuable if you don't let God use you. Remember, when you feel inferiority, insecurity and self doubts creep into your heart, Ask God helps you to see yourselves the way He does.

Let our Delays, disappointments, fear, anger turns to breakthrough, patience, willingness and love. Repeat after me:

In God's Time. I will be.

We never know when will this end, God only knows. We just have to be strong and ask God to have MORE faith on Him.

Verse to hold on:

“If you can believe, all things are possible to HIM who believes.” Mark 9:23

More of Him, Less of Me.

I know it's been a year but still... God is by my side.

#dental #pandemic #covid 19 #online classroom

2 notes · View notes

leagueofidiots · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday Dabi!!!!

A.) Triggers!! Mentions of past abuse

B.) Shigadabi yeet

C.) I headcanon Jan 18 as the day Touya died, but I wrote this back when I thought his birthday was Dec 6 and I was too lazy to edit things, so,,, yeah

I've never been a huge believer in birthdays. Living with the Todorokis, I always spent it training or locked in my room, screaming and crying and begging for freedom. With Ujiko, they went by without my notice. On the streets, I only did something once. Just found a small alleyway and lit my fingertip on fire, singing to myself in an attempt to try to lift my mood. Honestly, it just made me more depressed.

It's just a day used as a mark of age. Not even worth mentioning. In fact, something to keep secret to everyone but yourself.

So it's beyond a surprise when I swing open the door of my room to be greeted with a loud shout of "Happy birthday!" ringing in my ears. My fellow league members stand in front of me, a small, messily frosted cupcake balanced in Toga's hands and held out to me.

"Guys, what are you doing?" I ask awkwardly. "Also, what day is it?"

"January eighteenth," says Compress. "Did we get our date wrong or something? We had to guess between today, February sixth, and November twelfth. Sources were somewhat unhelpful."

Was it my birthday already? I thought it wasn't for another week at least. Even so, how did they know? I'd carefully avoided the topic.

"You see, once you told us that you were…" begins Kurogiri, cutting himself off once he hits the name we all know he means. "Well, I decided to look you up. Just for a few simple things. Birthday, any interests I could find...I'm sorry if it seems invasive, but I thought it could help us better understand how to help you feel appreciated."

At first I'm put off by it. People knowing things about me I didn't tell them bothers me deeply. But the more I consider it, the less I mind. They care. And it's harmless, isn't it? It won't kill me to play along just for the day.

Toga waves the cupcake in my face. "Well, you gonna take it, Bacon Bits?" she asks gleefully.

I accept it, hesitantly taking a bite. "Mmmm. What'd you put in this thing?" I ask, mouth full. It tastes awful, and I feel my nose wrinkle in distaste despite myself. Between food in general, sweet food in general, and whatever the salty-bitter aftertaste is, I almost gag.

"Oh, crap, is that the wrong one? I put blood in one...I think that might be it. Sorry. It's either chocolate or blood."

Spinner gives her a sideways glance and a whispered, "Whose---"

I spit out the dark batter. "Definitely blood, but uh...You know, I'm good. Not big on sweets anyway."

"Oh!" She takes it back. "More for me then."

Jin drags me out to the common area, mask lifted enough to display a wide grin. "We couldn't do much, but we figured it'd at least be better than before we all knew each other, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure," I say. "You guys didn't have to do anything, you know."

"Yes we did," Shigaraki insists. "You're my right hand, it's only right we should give you at least one day for just you."

"Now we know you're more the type of guy to keep to yourself," says Magne, "so just let us spoil you for the next half hour, then you get to do whatever you want, okay?"

I nod again, shaking my wrist loose from Twice's grip. "Alright, I can deal with that. What did you guys have planned?"

Suichi quickly ties his scarf around my eyes, careful of his claws and my staples. "Hang tight for one sec."

There's a quick shuffling, accompanied by my teammates' voices muttering happily to each other. A portal opens, and a few moments later I'm allowed to see again.

The seven idiots I for some reason chose to live with sit in a half-circle on the floor at my feet, each holding grocery bags with diversely-shaped contents, one of Toga's hair ribbons tied and stuck on top of each. Atsuhiro smiles, and passes me his.

"You guys…" I say quietly. I'm not worth all this effort, all this money, all this time. It'd be better spent planning missions or buying food or really anything else. It's stupid of them to care so much about something---someone---so worthless.

"Not a word," says Jin, as if he can hear my thoughts. "You're worth it. We saved up for this."

It's not anything like when I was a kid, eagerly tearing open neatly and colorfully wrapped boxes, unsurprised at the high cost of the contents. I'd never thought I was worth any of it deep down, but the ritual was still exciting even if I spent it alone on most occasions. But this is nicer. People around me that actually care. I try to make myself accept it.

Baby wipes from Compress, saying he worries about me showering on the days my scars hurt particularly badly. A book from Spinner, saying he'd read it and thought I'd enjoy it. Eyeliner from Kenji, saying she'd tested it for tear-proofness. A sweater from Kurogiri, saying he'd knitted it himself. Several nail polishes from Himiko, saying she wanted to give me the pastel pink as soon as humanly possible. A My Chemical Romance CD from Twice, saying he wanted to listen to it with me sometime.

When it comes to Tomura, he simply tosses an empty plastic bag onto my lap. "I didn't buy anything."

"Some boyfriend you are," I say teasingly. Really, I'm somewhat grateful. As much as I want to feel wanted, I can't help but see the yen racking up, another day without food for the league, the people I care about most suffering as silently as they're able to.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. My gift to you is that I will leave you alone." He doesn't smile or anything to indicate that he's kidding. "Won't hug you, or try to hold your hand, or anything. You're free."

I push myself off the couch onto my knees, trying to ignore the tugging at my staples. "Tomura…" How do I say it? I don't want to sound like I care too much or anything. "I don't want you to leave me alone. Just...Just when I ask you to, okay?"

Does he think I don't want him? It's difficult to treat him like I do when touch can be so suffocating, so terrifying. Especially with someone like him, who has described laying inches away from me without trying to cling to me like drowning.

I take his hands in mine, careful to leave his fingers to twitch anxiously away from mine. "You deserve to get what you want too."

Tomura smiles up at me, eyes shining a little bit with the effort to remain emotionless at my rare display of affection. "Well, what am I supposed to get you then?"

"Seeing you smile's enough," I say quietly. I regret it instantly.

"Oh, get a room," laughs Magne.

I roll my eyes, and shove myself back up onto the couch. "Thanks, Kenji."

"Always happy to help."

"Well, that's all we have," says Kurogiri, smile showing in his voice. "Let us know if we can do anything for you, but the rest of the day is all yours."

"Enjoy your alone time," says Suichi, helping pull me to my feet. "You're probably not gonna get any more for a long time."

And for once, the thought of being alone terrifies me. If I go alone in that room, how is it any better than those years I spent before the burns, the black hair, the overwhelming hatred?

"Actually, I'd rather hang out here," I say as if it's no matter, as if the thought of closing a door behind me won't send me spiralling back to that ten year old version of myself, screaming and pounding on my walls as a mix of tears and snot pour down my face.

"Oh. Alright, cool." Jin holds out another cupcake to me. "You're positive you don't want this?"

I shake my head, smiling a little. "Thank you guys. For this."

Toga grins. "Anything for our favorite edgelord."

Tomura pushes himself to his feet, snatching the cupcake from Twice. He takes a toungeful of the grainy-looking frosting and smirks at me, passing the cake back covered in saliva. I take his hand, his pinkie sticking out cautiously. "Happy birthday, Dabi." And looking around at them, I finally understand the phrase's meaning.

Click for quality

This is what he's jamming to: https://youtu.be/aWQ_r9nNHt0

youtube

#dabi #shigadabi #writing #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DABI BB HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY

54 notes · View notes

ai-suru-hito-yo · 5 years

Text

I Was Born To Love You

My first Queen fic! Woo!

Pairing: '90s!Brian May x fem!reader

Summary: It's the eve of your little sister's wedding. You've been running around ragged, planning and setting up. You're exhausted, and Brian finally convinces you to take a break and come have a celebratory drink at the pub.

Warnings: brief mentions of sex, past SugarDaddy!Brian, mentions of death, age difference, possibly terrible writing. This is based on a dream I had last night. I woke up at 3 am and had to write it.

Author's notes: It's so fluffy, I swear to God, call your dentist now, it may rot your teeth. And for the sake of this story, let's pretend Chrissie did leave Brian in the 80's, but Anita (though I LOVE HER) was never in the picture.

This was it. The big day was right around the corner. Your sister was getting married the next day, and you could not possibly be more happy for her. As both her sister and her Maid of Honor, you had been running yourself ragged organizing and planning and helping to make sure everything was perfect for her big day. It was finally the night before, and you were exhausted. Your boyfriend was currently trying to convince you to take a much needed break.

Ugh, you hated that word. "Boyfriend"? You were both grown adults, thank you very much. He, in fact, was quite a bit older than you, which made the term, "boyfriend" seem all the more ridiculous. But what other term was there?

Your relationship had not started out on quite such a...romantic path as it was on now. You had met Brian May just a couple of years after the tragic and heartbreaking loss of Freddie Mercury. You had been working as an assistant to one of the producers of We Will Rock You, and had caught Brian's eye immediately. He invited you out for a drink after a meeting one day, and the two of you had hit it off immediately, despite having a 20 year age difference. Brian gave you his phone number and asked you not to hesitate to call the next time you had a night free.

It had taken a further month after that night before you felt brave enough to make that call. Was it a joke? There's no way this world-famous, wealthy, talented, kind-hearted, legendary, beautiful rock-star could be interested in somebody as plain and simple and "average Joe" as you. You made the call anyway, pulling on your big girl panties and taking the risk. Brian invited you along for dinner and more drinks, an invitation which you gladly accepted, and you ended up spending that night in his bed. It was the next morning, after another round of amazing sex, that Brian made a proposition, one which you found you could not refuse. More world-rocking sex and "night-time" companionship in exchange for wining, dining, and anything else your heart desired, even financial compensation.

It had been three years now, and somewhere around two years ago, your relationship had changed. Shifted. Wining and dining became dates walking through the moonlit garden of Brian's country home, gazing at the stars, or visits to any and every museum you could find (you adored museums). Occasional companionship became listening to Brian break down over missing his father and Freddie, and holding him as he continued to feel hopeless about the future. Anything your heart desired shifted to longing looks from hazel eyes, and a beautiful smile framed by dark bouncing curls. Sex soon turned to love-making, and you found yourselves staying in bed together afterwards, holding each other as you slept, and trading lazy kisses in the morning.

When you introduced Brian to your parents, he was introduced as your boyfriend (oh, that word again). Your mother was very wary of your age difference and of Brian's rockstar lifestyle. Your dad and sister, on the other hand, were huge fans and completely starstruck. Eventually, they all saw how happy you made each other and how serious you were about your relationship, and so Brian May the famous rockstar soon became Brian, your kind, sweet, doting boyfriend (?)

The soft sound of Brian's sweet voice pulled you from your musings, and you shook your head a little to clear it and focus on what he was saying.

"Y/N, my love, you need a break. The rehearsal and dinner went swimmingly, if I may say so," Brian lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly, then reached out his free hand to rest against your jaw, long fingers tangling into your soft hair. "There's nothing more you can do tonight. The church is ready, the reception venue is ready. Come on, darling. Let the caterers finish setting up, and let's go grab a drink, eh? We can go to that pub we went to last week. It was quiet, and it's big enough we can invite everyone along!"

You turned your head to kiss Brian's palm where it rested against your face, and nodded. You knew he preferred this particular pub because no one there recognized him. Or if they did, they had the courtesy not to act like it.

"Yes, alright. Let me make sure everyone knows where we're going, and I'll meet you outside in 5 minutes." You kissed Brian quickly and moved over to where the rest of the wedding party were gathered in conversation.

---------------------------------------------------

When you arrived at the pub, Brian quickly hopped out of the car and came around to open your door as you checked your makeup in your compact mirror. Deeming it acceptable for a quiet night of drinks, you got out of the car. Brian pushed the door shut, and stopped you with a hand on your hip.

"You look beautiful, as always," he said once you turned to look at him. You blushed, and ducked your head. You still had trouble at times with how freely and openly he would compliment you. "I think this dress is my favorite."

You had worn a simple, strappy dress for the evening, light blue with a pattern of roses. It was mostly backless and flowy, as it was early summer and quite warm, even for mid June.

You pushed up on your toes to kiss Brian again, a silent thank you for the compliment. You lingered for a moment, smiling against his lips, before you pulled away, trailing your hand down his arm to his hand. You interlaced your fingers and led him toward the pub.

"I'll get drinks while you get a table?" You nodded, and moved off toward a corner and a comfy-looking booth. You sat down facing the door, just in time for it to open again and to see some familiar faces come through. You waved to your cousin, his wife, and your brother to join you. Your cousin and his wife approached, sitting on the opposite side of the large booth, while your brother, Ethan, approached Brian at the bar.

"Hello, Adam," you greeted. "Hello, Jenisa. Glad you could join us!"

"Of course!" Jenisa answered, pushing her long hair behind her shoulder. "I've been dying for a gin and something all evening, and to catch up with you, but you've kept us all so busy with all the planning and setting up, I barely had a second to say hello!"

You winced slightly. "Sorry about that, J. It's just, Liv's my only sister, and my best friend. I want everything to be perfect."

Jenisa patted your hand on top of the table. "There's no need to apologize, dear! Of course you want the best for her, and we're happy to help."

"Yeah, it's no problem at all, really," Adam chimed in. "Besides, you know she'll be there to repay the favor one day."

You choked on air for a moment, glancing over Adam's shoulder toward the bar. Brian was laughing at something Ethan was saying, shoulders shaking and curls bouncing in that way they always did when he laughed. He truly was breathtaking. You were so distracted by Brian's beautiful smile that you missed the look Adam and Jenisa shared.

"So," Jenisa said, calling your attention back to the table. You looked at her with a dreamy smile still plastered on your face. She grinned. "When's it gonna be your turn?"

You choked on nothing again, eyes widening ever so slightly. You were unsure how to answer that. Marriage was something you had always wanted. You also knew you wanted a family of your own, to be a mother, but it was one of the farthest things from your mind at the moment, which was ironic, considering you were caught up in the middle of wedding planning at the moment. Luckily, you were saved by Brian and Ethan returning to the table with everyone's drinks. Brian set your cider down in front of you before sliding in next to you with his own lager. Your brother slid in next to Adam and Jenisa, distributing their drinks to them.

"Brian bought this round. Cheers, mate!" Ethan tapped his glass against Brian's before taking a long pull.

"Thanks, love," you pressed a quick kiss to Brian's shoulder. "Next round's on me." Brian simply swiped a finger softly down your nose and smiled at you.

You heard the bell above the door ring again, and Liv, your soon-to-be-brother-in-law Michael, and his two brothers entered the pub. You called your sister's name and waved her over. She and the boys took a seat at the next table after greeting everybody and giving Michael their drink orders.

Brian leaned over from his seat next to you to address your sister. "Are you nervous for the big day?"

Your sister giggled and rolled her eyes fondly. "Bri, you've known me for 2 years. When am I not nervous?"

Brian chuckled. "Well, you've no reason to be. I'm sure you'll be a beautiful bride, and you've left everything in the most capable hands I can think of."

Liv leaned around Brian to catch your eye and give you a small but meaningful smile. "Yeah, I know I did. Thanks, Bri. I feel a little less nervous now."

You shifted a little closer to Brian in your seat and intertwined your left arm under his right, taking his hand where it rested on the table and lacing his calloused fingers with your own. He looked down at you and shared a private smile. You felt a little less nervous now, too. Everything would be alright.

---------------------------------------------------

As the evening passed into night, more of your family and friends came and went from the quiet pub, most just stopping in for a drink and a quick congratulations to the bride and groom.

By now you were leaning fully into Brian, who had put his arm around you without breaking your hands apart, so your arm was now crossed over your chest and holding his hand on your shoulder. Honestly, it helped, as you were leaning into Brian so close in hope of stealing some of his body heat. Your dress now seemed like a terrible idea, as you discovered you had chosen a seat directly under an air conditioner vent. Every 20 minutes or so, the system would kick on and blow cold air on you, raising goosebumps on your exposed shoulders and arms. Brian, clothed in all black, seemed to radiate heat, and you were taking full advantage of that.

Another shiver passed through you as you felt the cold air hit your skin again. Brian had noticed the past couple times it happened, and finally spoke up about it, abandoning the conversation he had been involved in with your brother and cousin about what shenanigans they had gotten up to in college.

"Y/N are you okay?" He asked, tilting his head down close to your face. You turned your head, not realizing how close he was, nearly knocking your nose against his. You could feel his warm breath fanning gently over your skin and it felt wonderful.

"Yes, love," you answered with a smile. "I'm great."

"You're shivering. Are you sure you're alright? Do you want to go home?"

You pressed a firm kiss to his lips to silence him. "No, I'm fine. Just keep holding me?"

"Of course, dear. Always."

---------------------------------------------------

You entered the pub's small restroom, turning to close the door, when your way was blocked by somebody leaning against it. You opened the door again and your sister quickly entered behind you, closing and locking the door.

"What do you want, brat? I need to pee."

"I won't stop you," she replied. "I just wanted a moment in private to tell you how much I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I reckon tomorrow we'll be too caught up in everything and then I'll be off on my honeymoon. I don't want to forget to tell you that I love you and appreciate everything you've done for me. You're the best big sister a girl could ever hope for."

She pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, knocking the wind out of you for a moment. You wrapped your arms around her and returned the squeeze as hard as you could.

"Ow! Okay, okay, I feel the love!" Liv stepped back from your embrace and looked at you again before adding, "You know I'll be there to return the favor if you should need me some day."

You pulled her into a gentler embrace before pulling back and pushing her toward the door. "Thank you. Now, get out, I still need to pee."

---------------------------------------------------

When you returned to the table a few minutes later, you were considerably warmer for having gotten up to move around a bit. You noticed Brian had moved over into your unoccupied seat under the vent. He had a funny look on his face, and seemed a little lost in his own world.. The look melted into another gorgeous smile, though, as you sat down again and snuggled back into him.

You soon became engrossed in the conversation your brother was having with Jenisa about cryptozoology, ("Nessie is as real as you and me, sitting here!") content to listen to them arguing from where you were leaned back against Brian's shoulder behind you. You barked out a laugh at another one of Ethan's stupid arguments. Brian tensed behind you for a moment, and you felt more than heard him take a deep breath before leaning down to speak lowly into your ear.

"I have something for you."

Curiosity piqued, you sat up and turned toward him. The nervous look was back again, and you met it with an open look of earnestness. He fumbled in the pocket of his trousers for a moment, before producing a small red box and placing it on the edge of the table directly in front of you. You looked at it, then back at him, then back at the box. Realizing Brian was not about to say another word, you opened the box, before letting out a squeal and quickly shutting it again. You snatched it off the table and held it in your lap, laughing nervously as most of your party turned to look at you.

"Uh, leg cramp. Don't mind me!"

As everyone returned to their conversations, you turned toward Brian more and opened the box again. Inside sat the most beautiful ring you'd ever seen. A simple, thin, white gold band with a small but beautiful cutting of your birthstone. On either side of the stone were small Celtic trinity knots. Your hand covered your mouth as you tried to restrain from gasping. You looked up at Brian, who was watching you closely.

"Brian, I...I dont know what to say."

"Um, I mean, you don't have to say anything? You don't even have to keep it, honestly. I've had it for quite some time now, but I never said anything because I never thought you would accept it. It's just, you mean so much to me and you've helped me so much. I don't think you understand how you helped me after...well, after. Through Rog's fits over trying to finish the last album, and John falling apart. And I know that's a lot of emotional baggage, and you deserve someone young and carefree, but I guess I just got caught up in the moment with weddings on our minds and you look so beautiful tonight, and--what are you doing?"

You took the ring out of the box and examined it again before looking up into beautiful hazel eyes. Eyes you'd be happy to look into for the rest of your days. Well, you thought, at least now I'll have a better word than "boyfriend".

"Which finger do I put this on?"

FIN

---------------------------------------------------

Mmkay, there it is. If you'd like a visual reference to the dress and the ring, there are links embedded. However, if you'd rather not interrupt the flow, there are descriptions. The example ring has a sapphire because that's my birthstone.

I have possible ideas for more if this is well received. Let me know what you think!

#also ik the picture is from the late 80's #but it is the closest i could find to the time frame with the proper look #queen #brian may #brian mayxreader #brian may x reader #brian may x you #bohemian rhapsody #borhap

6 notes · View notes