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lbxbx · 2 months

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Cockpit 10 | knj

Pair: Namjoon x reader

Summary: Namjoon goes through a rough time while getting a divorce, meeting you at the club two weeks in a row when attraction becomes unreal.

Rating: +18 mature content, Smut, divorce, fatherhood, unprotected sex.

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“Come on in.” Namjoon opened the door for Hoseok when he showed up with a stack of papers in his hands to your place. “Y/N is changing, she’ll be out in no time.”

Hoseok makes himself home before he heads to the mini fridge and grabs out a bottle of water. “Take a seat, I’m a little surprised you just found out that I was your lawyer.”

Namjoon laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his head. “My previous lawyer called you mister Jung, I had no idea you were Jung Hoseok, Y/N always called you Hobi, which led to me actually.. calling you.. Hobi too.”

Hoseok laughs and takes a seat in front of the TV before putting the file down. “It’s alright, I’m glad I’m able to help you, and I guess I’m partially helping Y/N too.”

“Helping me with what?” You walk towards your living room while rolling up the sleeves of your hoodie, you walk towards Hoseok and lean down to hug him and kiss him on the cheek. “With the divorce.”

“I really didn’t want Y/N to be a part of it or get involved in the smallest thing ever, I don’t know how to thank you two, really.” Namjoon smiles.

“She actually didn’t want to be a part of it voluntarily, she was kind of… forced.” Hoseok starts. You and Namjoon sit next to Hoseok on each side as he finally opens the stack of papers clipped into the file.

Reports, marriage contract, birth certificates, pictures, bank account balances, you can’t help but peak through and find Namjoon’s name and check out the balance, aircraft pilots seem to be making a lot of money.

You’re a little shocked that going through a divorce requires all these documents, you look at Hoseok who despite this is his day off, he chose to come over and speak everything through with Namjoon, it’s the last day of August and September is starting tomorrow, meaning that his hearing is going to be in two weeks. He needs to be prepared.

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asks you. “Did someone reach out to you?”

“Yes.” Hoseok answers for you, “Your in laws are claiming that their daughter is a victim of abuse, and they asked Y/N for a fake medical report.”

Namjoon’s facial expressions show the denial he’s in, he shakes his head left and right. “I don’t remember the last time I touched her. I can’t stand the woman.”

“She came over with her father and I had to give them a report.” You shrug and Hoseok continues. “Don’t worry Joon, Y/N would never fake a medical report, let alone faking it to hurt you, of course she wouldn’t.”

A sigh of relief escapes his nose before he looks you in the eyes. “I never touched her like that, I promise. I don’t know if she told you anything but I swear I never did.”

Your heart melts at the man, you reach your hand from behind Hoseok and rub Namjoon’s shoulder. “I know you wouldn’t.”

“Hobi, something happened and I think you should know about it.” Namjoon starts and you kind of wished he never mentioned it to Hoseok, but the man has to know. “A little over a week ago. A package was delivered to my place by a woman, this woman tried touching me and said weird things to me.”

Hoseok straightens his back as he seems alarmed. “And?”

“I don’t know, I was supposed to get the mail at a certain time but I got it earlier.” Namjoon shrugs. “I don’t know who she is and why she did that.”

“Do you have the package number?” Hoseok asks and Namjoon shakes his head. “I have the receipt online.”

“We can call Yoongi and he can help us get the package number even when it’s out of date or already delivered.” Hoseok takes his phone out. Of course Yoongi can help you, he’s been so dedicated and good at his banking job since he got promoted to manage the branch he currently works at, he can help you with anything. Hoseok calls Yoongi and puts him on speaker, as Yoongi guides him on how to get the package number from the online bank account. “Thank you hyung.”

“Say hi to Y/N. Bye.” Yoongi hangs up, Hoseok and Namjoon spend a couple minutes trying to find the package number before they finally track it to realize.

The mail was delivered the day before Namjoon got it to his house.

Meaning that someone received the mail, and gave it to someone else to deliver it to try and lure Namjoon into something and catch it on the CCTV.

You immediately feel guilty for not listening to Namjoon since the very beginning, and you realize that if he wanted to cheat on his wife, he would’ve cheated long time ago with someone else. This exact thing finally proves that the man has been honest with you the whole time. What you saw was in fact not true.

You look up from the phone at Namjoon’s eyes and he looks back, it kills you that he smiles at you even when you never believed him, he’s extremely glad that he’s finally proved to be right.

“Can you excuse us for a second Hobi?” You get up on your feet, Hoseok is a little confused before he looks at you two and nods. “Sure, take your time.”

“Namjoon?” He gets up and follows you to the kitchen, you lean against the counter and clear your throat. “I apologize.”

He doesn’t cut you off or anything, he deserves an apology. “I should’ve listened, I’m truly sorry. I only behaved that way because I thought you and I could actually have something, I don’t know what got over me.”

He takes a couple steps towards you and rubs your shoulder, printing the softest kiss to your forehead and pulling you closer into a hug.

You knew the man was emotionally mature since the very beginning, other men would’ve gas lit you into still feeling guilty and would’ve made the problem worse, but Namjoon had a big heart and he was mature enough to go through this entire problem and even his entire divorce like a grown sane man

Well except for the part where he cheated on his wife, but to be fair it was going to happen sooner or later whether you showed up or not.

“I accept your apology.” He rubs your back and squeezes you in tighter. “I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”

“Thank you.” You pull back from the hug and look up at him, he presses his lips against yours softly and tucks your hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry too for getting you involved in this, I never wanted it to happen but apparently they found their way to you.”

“Actually… I think they suspect something.”

“What do you mean?” He pulls back.

“The night they showed up, Seokjin was laying in the bed next to hers, and he kind of overheard them talking.” You shrug one shoulder. “One of her relatives saw us at the wine cellar and—“

“I knew it.” He shakes his head. “The guy who flashed his phone was actually trying to take a picture.”

You suddenly recall that exact moment before you try to deny it. “Maybe he really wanted to take a picture of the cellar.”

“I don’t know, maybe he was, but I’m sure he was trying to take a picture or something.” Namjoon bites anxiously on his nails.

“That’s not the only reason she suspects something.” You hold his hand down to stop him, he’s on the verge of an anxiety attack. “Apparently you and I smelled very similar.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I had the same perfume on the night she came over for the report, and she smelled it on your clothes the day after or something, I don’t know.” You explain as you hold onto his hand tighter. “Don’t worry, we figured something out regarding that incident. Seokjin and I.”

He throws his head back and sighs in frustration. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’m pretty sure you know it already, but I’m totally on your side.” You smile and cup his cheek before you speak again trying to make him relax and shrug it off. “Although I judged your taste in women a little when I saw her again.” You scrunch your nose, a laugh barely escapes his lips as he leans his forehead against yours. “But I’m working on it, trying to make it better.”

You giggle and grab onto his hand, pulling him back into the living room, Hoseok informed Namjoon everything he needed to know, and told him about how they tried to bribe him.

Everything seemed so clear to Namjoon now, he’s more determined to get the divorce than ever, and if they wanted to play dirty, then he’s going to play dirtier.

“What’s the hearing like?” You’re curious to find out if it was actually like the movies or not. “I saw a pilot in real life, I kinda wanna see a court in real life.”

“Actually there’s not going to be a court. A hearing usually consists of just both lawyers and the couple getting the divorce.” Hoseok explains. “She’s going to lay out her conditions and so are you, and if anyone disagrees or in your case, brings up reports of abuse or tapes of having a third party, you’ll be transferred to court for trial.”

“Joonie do you have any conditions?” You curiously ask Namjoon before he shakes his head immediately. “I just want her out of my life.”

“Some people want the easy way out like you do.” Hoseok looks at him. “This makes her benefit out of it, she could easily ask for things that you may not be able to provide. So I suggest you think this through, we still have some time.”

“How far can I go?”

You and Hoseok snap your heads towards the man who’s clenching on his fists, “I want her to regret everything she’s doing.”

The hearing is only a couple days later and time has passed by so quick. The first week of September was really wet in Seoul but still hot, at this point you’d wear your sweatshirt at night and a pair of shorts during the day time, everyone was confused by this weather, typical Seoul climate.

That night you went to sleep in a sweatshirt but you were sweating the entire night, still not cold enough for a heavy clothing item like this. You don’t bother getting up to change when it’s past midnight even when you can literally feel your sweat down your neck and back, you were in deep sleep, so you just kick off your blanket and cuddle into your bed.

“Shit, please don’t stop.” Your legs are spread against your chest, Namjoon is pounding deep inside you while throwing his head back, sweat is dripping down his chest and stomach, and his long hair is bouncing off of his face with each thrust.

“Come on baby, show her how good I can fuck you.” His lazy eyes meets yours before an evil grin sits on his face while he bites his bottom lip.

Show her? Show who?

Pleasure radiates all over your glistening bodies and you feel yourself near your edge, it’s so overwhelming that you feel your heartbeat through your back, you throw your head back over the edge of the bed and your eyes roll to the back of your head, you struggle to fill your lungs back with air and your vision is back for a quick second.

Holy fuck she’s right here.

And she’s watching you two with a face that you’re not able to describe, is it disappointment? Is it jealousy?

This isn’t your bedroom, you look around, you haven’t been here before this place is new to you.

Namjoon interrupts your train of thoughts as he leans over to lick all the way from your collarbone to your jaw and prints a loud kiss before looking up at her with the same evil look on his face. “Tell her how good this feels, show her what she’s missing on.”

“N-namjoon please.” You gasp, feeling the angle change as he pulls your hips closer to meet his, he presses his thumb over your clit and he proceeds to rub in circular motion, you hold onto his other hand that’s leaning behind your head and bite onto his wrist. “I’m close.”

“Cum for me baby, cum for me.”

“I can’t.” You whisper and look him in the eyes, he looks back at you, this time he’s frowning, he proper grabs your face in his hand and turns it towards her, “Look at her when I make you cum.”

Your gaze meets hers, and it hurts, it physically hurts.

She’s right there watching you high key stealing her man and right on her bed. Is this what you really are?

Of course in a snap of a finger you’re no longer close, the pleasure has been completely robbed out of you and it completely washed away. You regret everything going on when you see the pain in her eyes, she looks lonely and hurt and empty, but most importantly

Betrayed.

You look back at Namjoon to see him, your eyes speak so loud when you frown back at him but he’s completely heartless when he forces you to look back at her. “Come on baby, cum for me and let her know how good it feels to be fucked like that.”

Of course dreams don’t make sense, you open your eyes and it’s the morning already, what kind of a twisted dream was that?

Dream? No this is a nightmare.

Vivid dreams were hunting you the entire night, hell even the entire week. You’re not the one getting the divorce but it’s pressuring you mentally more than you would’ve thought.

You feel yourself shivering even when it’s still hot outside. Even when what you saw earlier wasn’t true, but still you feel exposed. You feel like she really did see you two in bed.

You gaze at your ceiling when you think that she probably knows everything already, you don’t know the way she thinks and you don’t know what she has to prove. But you’re positive she knows that her husband already met someone else, women know everything.

You’re stressing about this way too much, you try and regulate your breathing pattern but it takes you some time. You flinch in your bed when you hear your door pass code being clicked. Only Hoseok knows the pass code and this is usually the time he takes his break.

The door finally opens and you hear him talking and laughing with someone, you sit up and start scratching your head trying to loosen your hair that’s been sticking to your scalp. “Hobi?” Your sleepy voice guides him to your bedroom. “Y/N? You’re still in bed?”

“Yeah, I just woke up.” You look up at him entering your bedroom followed by Jungkook who’s in his track suit. “What brings you two here?”

“I got us breakfast and I saw these two near the gym.” Hoseok plops down on your bed and you immediately try to kick him off. “Not with your working clothes on that’s disgusting.”

“Do you still have my gray pants?” He gets up and starts unbuttoning his top. You lazily nod and lay back into your bed. “Yeah, if you don’t find them just take Namjoon’s.”

“Of course he’s not borrowing any of my pants.” Namjoon walks into your bedroom with a bottle of water in his hands, which explains the voices you heard earlier, he’s in his gym attire which reminds you that him and Jungkook now go on gym dates. “They’re too long for you.” He walks to your side of the bed and pecks your cheek. “Good morning.”

“Fuck you Joon, I know you’re tall you don’t need to brag about it.” Hoseok flips him off.

“Good morning.” You ruffle his hair and hug the blanket closer to your chest, the three of them get into an argument which you surprisingly fall asleep to. You needed the not so white noise.

“You got a divorce because of her?” With her arms crossed she looks at you, eyeing you from head to toe with a cringe on her face. “Do you really think she’s worth it?”

“Of course not.” Namjoon speaks when he shows up from behind you to stand next to her. “She was just an excuse for me to get the divorce, I don’t need her anymore.”

You open your mouth to speak but your voice isn’t coming out for some reason, you start to panic, trying hard to scream just so they can hear you. He continues. “I used her, that’s all. And she was an incredible waste of time—“

“Y/N?”

You’re fuming and your tears are already streaming down your face, you try and move forward but you can’t, you feel yourself pinned to the floor and physically incapable of moving.

“She wasn’t even worth it.” She scoffs. “I don’t think she was worth wasting your time with her.”

“It was only you since the beginning.” He pulls her even closer, this doesn’t make sense. Aren’t they divorced?

“Y/N?” Namjoon nudges your shoulder and you finally open your eyes, he’s laying beside you and looking at you worriedly. “Are you okay?”

It takes you a second to clear your throat and rub your eyes, you even look around you trying to locate her. Your dreams seem so true that it’s starting to frighten you, twice in one day?

“Were you having a nightmare?” He asks, running his fingers through your hair. “Yeah.” You sit up and rub your eyes. You still can’t look at him in the eyes, as if you’re worried that you’d see the same mean look on his face.

“It’s alright.” He rubs your back and presses a soft kiss to your shoulder. “Hobi and Jungkook had breakfast and took off, there are a couple croissants left for you do you want me to reheat them?”

You look at your full body mirror to see his reflection, a little relieved that it was just a nightmare, you nod with your eyes closed and yawn. “Yes please, I just need to shower.”

Namjoon gladly gets up on his feet and heads to the kitchen while you take your shower. He’s been wanting to ask you something for the past couple of days but he’s a little hesitant. And of course he can’t ask you over the phone. This needs to be done in person.

And since the hearing is only a couple days away, today is the right time.

He puts the croissants into the microwave and washes your favorite mug that you used last night and makes you some coffee.

He’s a little nervous, the thing he wants to ask you is a little sensitive, and he’s anxious wondering how you may react, or if you’d even say yes or no.

He wants to think about this further more before actually asking you, but luckily today you got off of the shower really quick.

“Did you get breakfast?” You ask as you walk into the kitchen, the smell wafting is already making you drool. “Yeah, we passed by this bakery that opened a couple blocks away and decided to give it a try.”

“It smells good.” You pull back a chair and take a seat, he puts your plate in front of you and hands you your coffee. You need to take a few sips first to be able to function better.

“Did you sleep well?” He pulls the chair in front of you to take a seat and you nod. “Yeah, other than the nightmares.”

He laughs quietly and watches you dig into your food, but in his head contemplating whether he really should ask you or not. Fuck it.

“Does it taste good?” He tugs your wet hair behind your ear and you immediately answer. “Mhm.” With your mouth full.

He clears his throat and finally spits out. “I’ve been wanting to ask you for a favor, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, what’s up?” Of course you won’t hesitate, you care about the man and you really wouldn’t mind helping him no matter what, regardless how you two feel about each other, but he feels like a close friend now, perhaps even more.

“I want you to come with me to Ilsan.” He looks at his own hands under the table. “It’s just for one night, we’ll fly back here the day after.”

You a sip of your coffee and ask him. “When?” Before taking another bite.

“Tomorrow.” He unsurely answers, his eyes looking up at you to study the way you react to what he’s about to spit out. “But uhm.. Jay’s.. Coming with us.”

Your mouth suddenly feels dry and you can barely swallow the food that you chewed on. You have so many questions you don’t even know where to start.

You grab your mug closer to your lips and take a sip to be able to swallow the bite before asking. “Why?”

Namjoon can clearly tell that you’re not really accepting the whole idea and he’s about to take it back, but he needs to explain before he does. “The hearing is happening in Seoul, I need to take him to Ilsan to stay at my parents’.”

“Hey, Joon don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think this is a good idea.” You push your plate away from you, your appetite is long gone. “It’s a little terrifying to be with him, no offense though.”

“None taken, but hey, he’s just a kid you don’t have to worry.” He leans forward onto the table. “I promise he’s the nicest kid you’ll ever meet.”

“I know he’s nice, but who am I to you? Don’t you think he’d ask that?”

He inhales through his nose before nodding his head. “I can’t send him away with his mother, that’s all.”

“And I’m not much better of a choice.” You shrug your shoulders.

“I’m scheduled to fly to Ilsan that day, I figured you’d just accompany him during the flight.” He smiles. “But it’s alright I’ll take a day off and send him there myself.”

You lean your back against the chair and cross your arms. “Now you’re making me feel guilty.”

He laughs and gets up onto his feet before walking towards you and leaning against the table. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, you have the right to say no and I totally respect your decision.” Although he means it, you still roll your eyes. “Let me think about it before you take your day off.”

“Thank you.” He leans in closer to press a soft kiss onto your cheek, “Finish your food, I’ll do the dishes before I leave.”

It took you so much to think this through, and with the short period of time you have, you had to make a quick decision whether you’d do it for him or not. It’s not like you’d mind doing him any favor, but this was a little too hard for you to accept.

You know his son is still young and may never remember the interaction you two may have, but no matter how much you tried to prepare yourself, you weren’t half ready.

Your job forced you to try and be good with kids, but even if you tried your best they still don’t like you first, funny enough you don’t like them too, they probably sense that from the beginning that’s why they don’t like you back.

You wanted to give Namjoon a hand so you decided on saying yes and packing your carry on to take with you. Your stomach was tingling and you barely got any sleep the night before, you threw on one of your caps to cover your tired bare face and made yourself some coffee before Namjoon gets to your place.

You’re seconds away from meeting the little one and you waking up grumpy didn’t help at all, so you made the effort to buy him a bag full of snacks for you two to have on board and a stuffed pilot teddy bear. He may not like you but he sure will love the excessive amount of candies you bought him, and you secretly bought the candies and the toy to bribe him to like you.

Not long after Namjoon calls you and you immediately answer and let him know that you’ll be right down, before you check your stove and lights and turn everything off, and locking your place to go downstairs.

Your stomach drops when you see the silhouette of his son in his car seat with an iPad in his little hand, it’s about to happen and you have no idea how to make it easier, you laugh at yourself, are you really panicking because of a young kid?

Namjoon gets out of the car when he spots you and walks closer to you to help you with your carry on, giving you a hug that you barely get to reciprocate and a kiss on your cheek. “Jesus Namjoon, not in front of your son.”

He drags your luggage to the trunk of his car and you’re a little terrified to get in the car when he’s not in it, your eyes sneak to the back seat to gaze at the kid, your heart shatters at the fact that he’s going to go through his parents’ divorce when he’s too young.

Your gaze wanders all over his face, he looks a little like his father, he has his eyes, and their noses are a little similar. Namjoon snaps the train of your thoughts when he tells you to get inside. You open the car door and get in. You made sure to keep the gift you got him in your hand so you can give it to him on your way there.

“Aren’t you cold?” You try and divert your attention just to relax a little, Namjoon seems to understand what you’re trying to do, a little grin creeps on his face before he looks in the rear mirror. “Jay aren’t you going to say hi?”

You look at Namjoon when you hear him squeal at the little one. Of course you know he’s a father long time ago, but you never saw him… Fathering.

The little one hums, totally used to be talked to like that by his father, still too occupied with the tablet in his hand, Namjoon speaks again. “Jay?”

“Yeah?” You finally hear his soft voice, you gather the will to turn and look at him. “Hi.” You wave your hand, gosh this is getting too awkward for you.

Your eyes meet and he blinks a couple of times before his hand travels to his mouth, he looks at his father who has his eyes on the road and of course he doesn’t answer you, it’s quite normal for a child his age to have and feel stranger danger. “What’s your name?”

His face is still alarmed as he studies your features, his eyes turning to his father every now and then, you cross your arms and shrug your shoulder before you tease him. “I got you a little gift, but you have to tell me your name first.”

Namjoon gasps and looks at his son in the rear mirror. “She got you a gift, do you wanna tell her your name?”

The little one mumbles his name, rubbing his eyes and looking at you through his fingers, “I love your name, mine is Y/N.” You reach out your hand to shake his, he puts his hand out slowly to shake yours and you force out a shaky laugh, you’re still nervous. “Do you want to have your gift now?”

He nods and you take out the little teddy to show it to him, Namjoon sneaks a look at the teddy and finds it adorable when you move its arms. “Doesn’t this teddy look like daddy?”

Jay laughs which overwhelms you and you feel your chest full, you relax a little and laugh with him while nodding your head. “It does, right?” You ask.

“Are you calling me daddy?” Namjoon whispers with a smirk on his face, you roll your eyes and hit his arm playfully. “That’s gross.”

“Can I have it please?” Jay asks, reaching his hand to grab the teddy and you gladly hand it to him, “What do you say?” Namjoon asks his son and Jay mumbles. “Thank you.”

“I also got us a bag of snacks and lots of candies for us to have when we’re in the sky.” You show him the bag. “Only you and I, we’re not giving daddy any of them.”

“No, I’ll give daddy my candies.” Namjoon would squeeze Jay into his arms and kiss his face endlessly if he wasn’t driving.

You face forward and anxiety creeps back on you, things went great a second ago because Namjoon is sitting with you two, but once you fly you’re going to be alone with the kid and that’s what’s frightening you right now.

Your face sits in your palm and you feel your heart racing. Gosh what if he throws a tantrum? What if he needs to pee? Oh no, you’re panicking.

Your behavior became too familiar to Namjoon and he knows exactly what’s going on through your head, he doesn’t even need to ask, he leans his elbow on the center console between you too and leans a little closer to whisper. “Don’t over think anything, it’ll be okay I promise.”

You can’t even force a smile out when you look at him, you just nod your head unsurely and look back on the road.

You regret saying yes to the whole thing when you look at the time on your wrist, it’s still early in the afternoon, you could be working out now or planning your day with your friends or simply just plopping down on your couch until your ass prints on it.

Not too long after you get to the airport, it takes you a couple seconds to pick up the courage and walk next to Namjoon who’s holding his son’s hand and walking towards the check in counter, the workers seem to be familiar with Namjoon and some are even his friends, so they check you two in within a few seconds.

The three of you head to sit in one of the coffee shops near your gate and get yourselves coffee. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know if I am.” You hug your own stomach. “What if he needs something that I can’t help him with? What if he needs the bathroom?”

He simply shrugs. “He can go to the bathroom on his own.”

“What if he cries?”

“Why would he cry?” He blinks twice, “He has everything he needs, his tablet and snacks and toys. He’ll be okay.”

“I rarely travel with anyone, let alone travel with a kid.” You sip your coffee and turn your head to look at the young boy who’s in the play area with another kid.

“It’s fine, the flight is less than an hour, we’ll be there before you know it.” He rests his elbows down on the table and leans in closer to you. “I’m worried over you more than I’m worried over him.” He laughs.

You playfully hit his arm before crossing your arms. “Don’t get me wrong, I like him and he’s pretty cute, I’m just not used to being close with kids.”

Of course Namjoon was anxious himself, he was genuinely worried that you can’t handle his son or that his son may actually find it hard to be around you, you’re still a stranger to him after all. But Namjoon tries to convince himself, that so far everything seems surprisingly okay.

The thing that’s worrying him the most is what’s worrying you too, he has to leave you two alone during the flight and he doesn’t know how that’s going to go.

Every minute felt like an hour and you finally check in and board the plane, Namjoon was kind enough to put your luggage in the overhead bin, he made sure you two got seated before he leans down and buckles up Jay. “Daddy will be back before you know it, are you going to be okay with Y/N?”

You roll your eyes on the inside, as if there’s another option.

Little Jay looks at you once before blinking back at his father, he looks back at you and bobs his head into a slight faint nod, before rubbing his eyes and looking back at his dad.

Things don’t look okay to you, your chest feels heavy and your heart even skips a beat, you feel your breath quickening and your palms are getting sweatier each second. You wish you could call everything off and get off the plane, but it’s a little too late.

Namjoon looks at you, and again with him being too familiar with your attitude and behavior, he knows what’s going on inside your head and he can easily tell you’re more anxious and nervous than the kid, his hand sits on top of yours, he squeezes it softly before whispering. “I’ll see you in an hour, don’t worry.” Then said goodbye to his child and went into the cockpit.

You clear your throat repeatedly and look through the window, you feel a pair of eyes piercing through the side of your face, slowly but surely you turn your head and see the little kid’s eyes on you, he’s a little startled at the fact he was caught staring so he turns his face away fast, pretending to be occupied with the teddy in his hand.

It hurts, it physically hurts you.

You gulp and look back through your window and you could swear you can hear your heartbeat in your ears and through your back, you even shift in your sweat to avoid feeling your heartbeat, you feel suffocated by the weird aura and you find it hard to catch a breath, you never saw this coming, you should’ve said no from the beginning to avoid being put in this kind of situation.

Your hand sits over your chest and you purse your lips and release a forced long breath. Jay’s eyes burn through the side of your face again and you snap your head quickly back at him this time. He thinks it’s some type of a joke or he might be enjoying the stress he puts you in, hence that little smile that creeps on his face.

Is that his father’s dimples?

“Do you want a snack?” You barely speak, he shakes his head left and right while looking at the bag of snacks. “Are you daddy’s friend?”

A little startled by the question, but you immediately nod. “Yeah.”

“How did you meet?”

In a club, we flirted back and forth, we slept together without your mother knowing.

“Oh, daddy and I met in the library, him and I grabbed the same book.” What an excellent liar you are. “Do you have any friends?”

“Yes, I have friends in Seoul and I have friends in Ilsan.” He nods. “But I love my friends in Seoul more.”

You’re a little relieved that the conversation is ongoing and it doesn’t feel as awkward as before, you reach for the bag of snacks and take out the little yellow pack of M&Ms and open it, you were a little hesitant to feed him sweets and chocolates because it may backfire on you. But the hell with it, you were craving something sweet.

“You’re lucky you have friends in both cities, I only have friends in Seoul.”

You know kids say the first thing that comes up to their mind, so the little kid suddenly spits out. “Mommy said I shouldn’t go with daddy anywhere, but she let me go to Ilsan with him.”

“Why wouldn’t she let you go with daddy?”

“She doesn’t like daddy and she says he’s a bad person.” He laughs, the kid fucking laughs and you just watch him. It takes you a moment to ask him. “And do you think daddy’s a bad person?”

Clearly Namjoon’s screwed up relationship with his wife reflects on his son, how come a three year old can talk about such things?

“No, he’s fun and I love him.”

The seatbelt sign lights up and you hear Namjoon talk through the speakers, you nudge Jay and whisper. “Listen, that’s daddy’s voice.”

The little one gets excited when he hears his father that he jumps slightly in his seat, you find it adorable but you still feel bad for him.

“Cabin crew please be seated for takeoff.” Namjoon finally speaks and shuts the speaker, you flinch when Jay lifts up the arm rest that’s between you two and sits closer to you. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t like when the plane moves fast.” He whines, he’s even on the verge of crying and you can see tears accumulating in his eyes. You panic and hesitate a little before wrapping an arm around him, his face sits on your chest and you feel your body stiffening. You were never hugged like that.

Never have you ever thought about kids throughout your life, you never even thought how many kids you wanted or what would you name them because they were completely off the table, but Jay’s closeness made you feel weird, it’s a feeling you’ve never experienced before, and to be honest, it’s not bad at all.

You find yourself hugging him closer and this time you’re rubbing his back softly and repeatedly reassuring him that it’s okay.

The plane finally takes off and since the weather was windy outside, the turbulence was awful even you were terrified for a second, but you had to mask it all away for the sake of the child in your arms.

Almost 20 minutes into the flight and you feel your eyelids getting heavier, you didn’t sleep well the night before so you just decide on napping during what’s left of the flight, since Jay is already snoring on your lap.

Namjoon feels a little relieved since he doesn’t hear any children crying in the cabin, he even sent a few flight attendants to your seats and he was informed that you two were sleeping and they didn’t want to disturb.

You and Namjoon still cannot be seen in public, and Ilsan wasn’t that big as well, and his parents live in a small part of the city that everyone is familiar with each other, so you being there and shown in public of course can’t be good to him since her family also lives there.

You two decided it was a better if he drove you to the hotel and then took Jay to his family house, and that’s what he did, his family did insist that he should go inside so they could see their son one last time before the hearing but he did make up an excuse to go back to you.

“Y/N?” You hear his voice when the key card clicks and the door closes seconds after, you walk out of the bathroom with the toothbrush still inside your mouth. “Hmm?”

He takes a couple steps closer to kiss you on the cheek. “How was your flight?”

“It was okay.” You walk back into the bathroom to rinse your mouth and dry your hair, he’s shifting in his spot and leaning against the bathroom door with his arms crossed, you turn towards him and your eyes meet. “I’m truly sorry.”

“What for?” You find his apology unexpected and you don’t recall what would make him apologize. “For the whole Jay thing, and for making you stay at the hotel when I’m supposed to show you around the city.”

You walk towards him and help him loosen his tie before taking it off of him. “I know I was scared first, and he totally scared me when you first left us, but he was cute, although I can’t lie I’m a little thankful that he fell asleep.” You put the tie over your shoulder and walk back towards the bathroom mirror. “And we can consider this a little staycation, we’re alone and away, just like you always wanted.”

“Alone and away.” He smiles while crossing his arms, you smile back at his reflection when you dry your hair with your towel, he’s standing behind you as his eyes burn through the entire back of your body, even when you were covered with your bathrobe, he could easily draw a picture of you naked in his head and he already is.

His eyes travel through the back of your neck that he’s been wanting to kiss the entire time and bruise it with hickeys, down to your shoulders and back, that he so desperately wants to lick it all the way down to your ass, his body automatically moves closer behind you, you stifle your grin at his reflection and continue drying your hair, totally acting clueless on what he’s doing or trying to do. His hands sit on your hips and he hugs your ass closer towards his clothed boner.

“I miss you.” He buries his face into the crook of your neck and takes a long inhale, filling his lungs with the arousing scent of yours, even when you just came out of the shower smelling like your body lotion, he can still smell your natural body odor when it’s layers away, he’s drugged by it.

His mouth hovers over your pulse and he presses a soft kiss over it to feel your quickening heartbeat over his lips, “You seem so tense baby.”

You giggle and put the towel down. “It’s because I am, my neck feels sore thanks to the nap I took earlier.” You grab your hand cream and rub some onto your hand.

“Let me give you a massage.” He suggests and pulls back, clearly swallowing since he’s salivating just by the idea, you innocently nod your head at his reflection and watch him disappear out of the bathroom, you follow him out to see him standing near the window to close the curtains. “Lay down.”

His face is already glistening with sweat as his body is pumping blood everywhere, including his throbbing dick that’s jailed in his pants that are slowly getting tighter, your stomach drops in excitement when you know what’s about to happen, and honestly you felt like this only when you’re with him. You feel the need to savor every moment with him.

You walk towards the bed and plop into it face down, positioning yourself comfortably in the middle of it and hugging the pillow under your head. His footsteps towards the bed is an experience you’ve never felt before, your face is suddenly flushed red and you feel your heart skipping a beat when nothing even happened yet, your hormones are most certainly making an impact on you, and this is something you’ve never had before.

The mattress sinks under his knee and he throws his other leg to the other side of your body, straddling your covered ass and gently putting his body weight down. This is exactly what he imagined in his heat, only this feels better now that it’s real.

“Are you comfortable?” His voice tone so soft and sweet, yet still deep enough for you to press your thighs against each other. “Mhm.” You answer, nodding into the pillow, his hands run all the way from your wrists up to your shoulders before he collects your hair into his hand and pushes it to the side, following with a single wet kiss onto your ear. He rubs your shoulders and slowly loosens the robe from around them just to expose enough for him to be able to massage you.

His warm hands sit over your shoulders and kneads your skin and muscles softly, making you relax your body and bite onto your lip, a little too shy to make any sound even when you’re enjoying it, he can’t see you biting your own lip but he can feel your breathing pattern change immediately, a smirk slowly creeps on his face as he whispers. “Does it feel good?”

“Yeah.” You didn’t mean for it to sound like that, it sounded way more like a moan than a regular answer. “Clearly you’re enjoying this more than I thought you would.”

You bury your face into the pillow to laugh, reaching your hand behind to playfully hit his big thigh. “Stop it.”

He moves further down to your back and continues kneading your muscles, it feels both so good and so arousing, you can feel his hot fingers through the thick fabric of your robe and they feel so good on your body.

“Mmm.” Escapes your closed lips, you don’t even regret it because you know that he’s enjoying it too, you can’t ignore the hardness that’s pressed against your ass after all.

He crawls down to straddle your lower thighs, his hands now moving to your ass, squeezing onto both your ass cheeks with both his hands, his poor bottom lip sits between his teeth and he can’t but lift your robe up to expose your lovely ass that he’s been dreaming about.

His hands move to your wet cunt to rub your clit with his thumb, your body shudders immediately and fully tenses into his hands, your fist gripping tighter onto the pillow, he spits on his other hand and moves his fingers down to your entrance, rubbing it with two digits and slowly pushing one inside followed by the other one, your jaw slowly drops down when you feel his long fingers rub against your wall, his thumb still rubbing your clit in the same slow pattern.

You can feel the way your walls stretch around his fingers and so can he, the second you move your ass up to grind against his fingers he pulls them out of you to insert them back in again, which makes him smirk and ask, his voice coming out in a whisper. “How does it feel?”

“Good.” You whisper back, your cunt takes him so well when he curls his fingers against your spot which makes you arch your back and gasp, the pressure he’s putting onto your clit increases at the same time and you feel yourself getting close.

“So good.” You add and hug the pillow tighter, he takes his fingers out which makes you nearly about to whine, you feel the bed sinking near your calves and feet when he crawls down, his lips land on the curve of your ass for a soft kiss and he spreads both butt cheeks to bury his face in there, his tongue tracing all the way from your clit to your puckered hole and it drives him feral when your juices sit on his tongue, you taste so sweet to him and he can never get enough of you.

He moves his face left and right to add friction to your clit with his tongue which makes you gasp and lean onto your elbows, turning your head to glance at him, your hand reaches the back of his head and you tug onto his hair while he’s still eating you out like it’s his last day alive.

He pulls back and grabs you by your hips to turn you on your back, his eyes aim on your lips and he immediately devours into them, and you reciprocate right away, your lips melt together in a deep kiss, his tongue slowly invading your mouth as his hand sits on the side of your face and yours sits on his shoulder and you shamelessly move it down to grope his big buff covered chest, your hand working to unbutton the rest of his shirt and pull it off of one shoulder.

He pulls back and looks down at your fingers working to take it off, your eyes land on his plump lips when he licks them once and bite onto his lower one gently when you scratch your nails onto his hot skin, his gaze meets yours and he leans back in to kiss you again, this time moving further down to your neck and chest, licking and sucking small spots to bruise them like he imagined it in his head.

He unties your robe and finally throws it off of you, leaving you entirely naked under him, your hard nipples are the first thing his eyes lands on and without a second thought he dives in, licking your hard nipple once and putting it between his lips, sucking on it with his eyes locked onto yours.

You throw your head back when your face flushes even more, you find it hard to keep the eye contact and for some reason your heart beats faster when you try and lock eyes with him.

He teases your nipple with soft bites, earning a look from you even when you barely can, the look on your face makes him go insane, your eyebrows formed into a frown and your mouth slightly open, your plump glistening lips that he can’t get enough of. He cannot wait to feel them around his angry cock.

He sucks onto your nipple while squeezing your other breast hard, his mouth moving to your under boob to suck on your skin hard enough for it to mark a dark purple color, everything feels good and overwhelming to you, your hands move to his hair to comb it with your fingers, your eyes focused on his mouth that’s moving on your skin.

Moving further down he kisses all the way to your belly button, before spreading your legs apart to press a kiss onto your clit again, you’re embarrassingly wet that you feel the need to close your legs but you can’t with his face in there.

He uses two fingers to spread open your pussy and again devours it like he hadn’t a few minutes ago, this time his tongue pushing further into your entrance which makes your eyelids feel heavy and your chest rise dramatically. “Mmm.”

And he’s more than satisfied to hear you enjoying this which doesn’t stop him, your throbbing bud sits into his mouth as he sucks the life out of you and you feel yourself so close to cumming, your entrance clenching repeatedly at the pleasure and your stomach tightening. “Don’t stop.”

Of course he doesn’t. He holds onto your hips tighter with one arm and reaches his other hand to shove his middle finger inside you, you let out a sharp gasp at the immense amount of pleasure that you missed so much, you sit up on your elbows and start rolling your hips against his face, his eyes are locked onto yours the entire time and he’s enjoying it more than you thought he would, he’s a couple strokes away from cumming it he would touch his dick.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head and you drop back against the mattress when you feel yourself finally cumming, your legs close around his head which ends up pulling closer to your cunt. “Holy fuck.” You take a few seconds to breathe again as your entire body finally relaxes.

And of course he doesn’t waste the chance to lick you clean, every single drop that sits on his tongue tastes like absolute honey to him, he prints a soft kiss onto your clit and climbs back up to you, kissing you softly on the lips and cupping your cheeks, “Do you want me to keep going?”

And it confuses you for a second, why would he think you want to stop?

“Mhm.” You nod your head, even when you could need a minute, but fuck it you were greedy for him.

He moves down to your neck to kiss it, his hot breath against your skin sends shivers through your entire body, he grabs your hand into his and leads it down to his pants, positioning it right on top of his covered bulge, your hand moves automatically and you rub it through the fabric, creathing small strokes that seem to be not enough for him, he starts thrusting his hips against your hands, his breathing slowly changing with each thrust. “I’m gonna cum.”

You pull your hand back which makes him subtly laugh even when seems fucked, his eyes half open and his tongue loose. He sits up onto his knees and unbuckles his pants to pull it down with his boxers, leaving him naked and sitting between your legs, he leans back in to kiss your neck and whisper. “Grab it again.”

You hesitate a little since you know he’s already close, but he whispers again. “It’s okay.”

And you grab his cock into your hand again, his precum already escaping his angry dick, you so innocently wrap your fingers around his shaft even when they barely close, and stroke the head slowly, making sure to smear the precum to make the pumping easier for both of you.

His jaw drops and he again rolls his hips to fuck your hand, one hand supporting him to not fully land on you and the other grabbing onto your breast, “Fuck your hand feels so good baby.” He hardly speaks between his short breaths, he bites softly onto your neck and hums again, his thrusts moving faster into your hand and he shoots his heavy load onto your hips and stomach. “Ah.. Shit-“

His thrusts halt down slowly as his cock still shoots out the last few ribbons of seed onto your skin, it felt good to make him cum using just your hand but at the same time you were a little disappointed that he’s done.

He grabs your face into his hands and delivers a couple soft pecks onto your lips as he leans his forehead against yours. “Do you want me to keep going now?”

Of course he knew you were a little sore before, so he gave you some time to calm down which led to him cumming, but of course he’s not nearly done yet until he finishes what you two need. “Yes.” You answer.

And he gets up onto his feet to walk towards his carry on, unzipping it and digging through it to grab out a condom, he gets back on the bed and positions himself between your legs and hands you the condom, you rip the foil package with your teeth and take it out, then toss the package carelessly on the floor.

The view was arousing to Namjoon, not only the fact that he’s seconds away to pounding you, but the view of you carefully handling his cock and helping him with the condom could easily make him bust a nut again, his boner won’t go down when he didn’t have enough, he’s still starving for you.

You unroll the condom along his shaft and hug your legs closer to your chest to give him the space, he leans forward to give you one single kiss before he positions the tip to your entrance.

even when you’re right there in front him doing something truly unholy, he finds you so fucking adorable when you look at his cock in anticipation, your eyes blinking innocently, you were already fucked up, your hair was sticking to your neck as you got sweaty throughout the night.

He bucks his hips forward to insert the tip in which makes you hold your breath at the sudden stretch, your hand presses onto his lower stomach before you grab his cock and pull it out, still keeping it pointed to your entrance. “Slow please.” You whisper as he pushes in slower than before, your folds take him so well and your clenching cunt welcomes him in, even when it’s only the head still it feels magnificent.

You gulp and throw your head back to exhale, “Are you okay?” He tugs your hair behind your ear and runs his thumb on your bottom lip, you nod your head and look back at his cock inside you, fuck it’s only the head and you feel yourself you can barely take it, it’s been so long since you felt him inside you.

He pushes his cock further inside ever so slowly still giving you some time to adjust to his girth, “Rub that pussy for me.” And you move your hand right away to your mouth to lick your fingers and reach for your clit to rub it slowly, you relax a little and he’s able to push inside until he’s balls deep, which makes you cover your mouth with the back of your other hand. “Mmm.”

The constant clenching around his cock is driving him crazy, your walls are getting much tighter around him repeatedly and if you can’t control your muscles to stop it, he can’t promise that he’ll last longer than a couple minutes.

“Fuck.” He whispers and leans his forehead against yours, “That’s it.” He’s pressing hard on his teeth as he finds it hard to control himself and not slam into you hard. He pulls back, leaving the head still inside before pushing back in slowly. “Is that good for you?”

“Mhm.” You hug your legs tighter towards your chest and nod your head to him, signaling him to keep going, he pulls back again to start thrusting his cock ever so slowly but repeatedly inside you, the pressure builds inside your stomach and it feels so good, but it’s not driving you to your edge like you anticipated, you thought it was just a matter of time.

The speed of his thrusts gradually takes up, still careful enough to not hurt you or feel any discomfort, a little do you know, Namjoon himself can’t feel you well with the barrier, but at least you’re enjoying it he thinks.

“Shit.” You gasp when you feel the tip of his cock hitting your spot and rubbing against it with each thrust, he takes it as a sign to go faster and he does, slamming inside you repeatedly, the tightness around his cock feels so good but it’s still missing something.

“Namjoon.” You breathlessly call out his name while pushing your hair off of your face, he looks at you worriedly thinking that you’re hurting so he slows down and looks into your eyes.

“Lose the condom.”

“Wh.. What?”

“Take it, please just take it off.” You run your fingers through your own hair. “I can’t feel anything.”

“Are you sure?” He leans his palm behind you on the mattress and leans forward to kiss your jaw. “Yes please.”

He sits back up and pulls out of you, unrolling the condom off of his shaft and throwing it down on the bed beside you, before he leans back in to hover his lips over your jaw, positioning the tip to your entrance and pushing back in slowly.

Both of you release a sigh of relief, it finally feels as good as it should be. “Fuck.” You feel the tip hit your spot again and your nails dig into his skin, and in a snap of a finger you feel yourself so close to your edge just by the feeling of his bare skin inside you.

Pleasure washes through your entire bodies, you hold your breath when he starts moving inside you with a not so slow pace, his teeth nibbling on your jaw as he whispers. “Good girl, you’re taking it so well.”

You hold onto his hair in one hand and still dig your nails into his skin deeper, slowly scratching your way down his back. The stretch inside you feel insanely good and the constant rubbing against your spot makes the knot inside your stomach so close to snapping.

Your juices were already leaking onto his cock making it glide so easily in and out of you, “Your tight pussy is taking it so well baby girl isn’t it?” He leans his nose against your ear and you can hear every single breath that escapes his lips with each thrusts. “You look so beautiful when you’re being fucked like that.”

His dirty mouth and hot breath against your sensitive ear sends shivers throughout your entire body, your eyelids feel heavy and they even close, you’re seconds away from reaching your end when you hear the sinful sounds resonate through the entire hotel room, his sweaty skin slamming against yours that’s damp, his breaths and little moans and whimpers he lets out as he feels the same immense pleasure that you’re experiencing.

“I’m gonna cum.” You announce which makes him pull out and grab you by your hips, turning you to land on your hands and knees. He spits on his own hand and rubs your entrance, before pushing his cock back inside you, this time fucking you fearless knowing that you feel good with the stretch.

And off of the top of your lungs you moan his name and arch his back, you could swear you can see stars and your ears even buzz, “Fuck, Namjoon, please—“

He wholeheartedly spanks your ass and grabs onto your ass cheek to dig his fingers into your flesh, he even throws his head back and a grunt escapes his lips when you keep clenching around him. “You’re gonna make me cum baby.”

“Please don’t stop.” You twist the bed sheets into your fists and your toes even curl, he grabs your hair into his hand and pulls you closer so your back meets his chest, he devours into your ear and whispers. “Aren’t you a little too greedy huh?” You can hear a smirk in his words, he reaches his other hand to rub your clit while still pounding inside you, his torso continuously slamming against your ass, at this point you’re positive someone may have heard you through these thin walls.

Your knot finally snaps and you feel your stomach relax as you release down his cock, his name escapes your mouth and it’s barely heard but it makes him even fuck you faster through your orgasm, your clenching gets worse around his dick as you’re creaming on him, he’s only a split second after you as he starts shooting out his load inside you, your chest heaves up and down as it feels so fucking good to be filled to the brim by Namjoon.

“Fuck—“ There’s no time to panic and think about what he just did, he’s releasing harder than ever inside you, this is something he secretly wanted to do long time ago but he thought that there may be certain outcomes that might make him regret his decision now.

A little laugh escapes your mouth as you turn on your back with his cock still inside you, he mirrors your laugh and looks down to see the mess before pulling out of you, both of your eyes watch your stretched cunt release Namjoon’s juices mixed with yours in awe, you can’t believe this just happened and you can’t believe that you actually enjoyed it.

He leans down to clean you with his own mouth, licking the juices off of you which makes you flinch and whimper, you’re too sore for anything more. He climbs up to share it with you and it tastes heavenly, your lips melt together in a soft kiss as he presses his body against yours.

His eyes travel between yours and he feels himself so close to saying it, he’s not sure if it’s the sex that just happened or what, but it’s so close to escape his mouth and he holds it back.

There will be a right time to say it, and he can’t wait.

#yall it's finally here #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts x fem!reader #bts x reader #bts x you #bts x y/n #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #kpop fanfic #kpop smut #namjoon x you #kim namjoon smut #namjoon smut #kpop x reader #bts fanfiction #bts fic

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thesunisatangerine · 6 months

Text

against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part nine

alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader

warnings: mentions of grief, suggestive material, hurt/comfort

(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]

word count: 6.6k

words in italics: whatever language you like

Before this misunderstanding could get any bigger, you stepped in quickly.

“Alexia, this is Elisa, my daughter and that’s my brother’s husband, Robert. Elisa, Robert, this is Alexia.”

At that, Alexia’s gaze softened but when she met your eyes, questions swam in those hazel pools, ones that you sensed concerned your daughter. You gave Alexia a tight-lipped smile in answer–this was neither the time nor place to talk about something like that.

“Oh, I see. It’s nice to meet you both,” Alexia spoke in English.

She walked closer to the stands to where Robert stood and reached out a hand for him to shake. Robert–who finally got some of his color back after Alexia stopped leering at him–regarded Alexia’s hand with an uneasy look like it was something dangerous before he eventually shook it. Then Alexia turned to Elisa and offered her a closed fist while your daughter only gawked at Alexia, obviously starstruck. “And it’s nice to meet you, too, Elisa.”

Elisa remained still and unusually quiet so you coaxed softly, “ladybug?”

That seemed to snap Elisa out from her starstruck stupor and as she came back to herself, her eyes darted to you. You smiled at her, encouraging, then you tilted your head at Alexia’s direction. Slowly, Elisa bumped her fist against Alexia’s, cheeks reddening immediately as she scurried off behind Robert right after, peeking through the gap between her uncle’s hip and arm to look at Alexia shyly.

“Do you want me to sign your shirt?”

Elisa nodded. Robert passed the shirt to Alexia, who signed it, before she passed it back to Robert.

“Thank you,” came Elisa’s bashful gratitude.

When your eyes flitted back to Alexia’s face, you found her brows tilted upwards which allowed the stadium lights to brighten her already fair eyes. She looked on at Elisa’s timid display with warmth and the sight of such softness in her demeanour tugged at your heartstring.

Without tearing her attention away from Elisa, Alexia said through a small smile, “she’s adorable, no?”

“She’s a little shy but she’s actually a big fan of yours. You should see her practicing your moves–”

“Mom…” Elisa whined, stopping you from embarrassing her further. You sent her an apologetic smile before you mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ to her.

“Oh, you play football? How old are you?” Alexia asked softly.

After a moment of silence, you took the helm when you noticed Elisa wasn’t going to answer. Her reaction to Alexia was completely understandable. Alexia, despite being one of the warmest people you knew, could easily intimidate some with her presence due to her reserved and stoic nature. Her gaze–especially for the ones who were new to meet her–could be so intense and disarming that it was hard not to look away or, in this case, shy away from her.

“She turned twelve last February. And yes, she’s actually enrolled in a Barça Academy located near our city.”

Alexia’s brows rose with interest. She regarded Elisa again as she spoke, switching to Spanish this time, with clear approval in her tone. “So she has Blaugrana in her blood. What position does she play?”

“Barça is by far her favorite club and it doesn’t help that you play in it. And she plays forward.” You answered in the same tongue.

Alexia hummed, the corner of her lips quirking up. You knew that look so when she turned back to you, you raised a brow at her.

“What? Disappointed she doesn’t play midfield like you?”

She flashed you a sheepish half-smile and rubbed her cheek with a finger, a gesture that you still found so endearing, before she threw her hands up in false surrender. “I’m just saying! And you can’t really blame me for having a bias.”

“No, of course not. How could I hold that against you?” You said in an excessively dry tone. What you didn’t expect was for Alexia to throw her head back as laughter bubbled out from her throat in a familiar melody that tickled your ear, and you couldn’t help the grin that made its way to your lips at her amusement. She looked so beautiful like this: her hair–now back to its light brown shade–untamed with the way baby strands clung to the slight dampness on her temple, and the rosy blush painted upon her cheeks and nose from the events that just occurred; she looked so carefree in this moment, in the aftermath of their victory, that the glow of her youth shone right through, unfiltered.

When your eyes flitted over to Elisa and Robert, you found them gaping at your interaction with wide eyes, looking very much unsure on what to make of it. Then you also realised Alexia’d stopped laughing and she was now looking at you with a small smile on her lips. Your cheeks warmed at the attention, at having been caught staring, so you casted your eyes down to your feet, clearing your throat as you kicked an invisible pebble.

It surprised you, the ease with which you were able to fall back in playful banter with Alexia as if the fifteen months that made strangers from the both you never existed. Alexia must’d thought the same thing because when you looked at her again, Alexia’s smile had dimmed somewhat but the warmth in her eyes never left.

“Congratulations on the win, by the way. You earned it. All of you did.” You said, indicating at the golden medal around her neck. The urge to hug her as you spoke pervaded you but you managed to brush it off.

Alexia looked down at it, her lips quirking up into a small proud smile.

“Thank you.” A pause as she regarded you. And then, “want to hold it?”

The suggestion took you aback and you were quick to dismiss her. “Oh, no, I’m good–”

Alexia, being Alexia, stepped into you space anyway, took your right hand and placed the medal on your palm. You tried not to focus too much on how her touch electrified you by focusing on how the surface of the metal cooled your skin, its weight surprisingly heavier than it looked, and you traced its intricate engravings with the pads of your fingers, admiring the details.

“Can we talk?” Alexia said in a low voice that only the both of you would be able to hear. She was standing less than an arm’s length away from you–when did she get so close?–and the softness you found in her hazel eyes when you gazed up at her made you want to reach out and brush your thumb over the skin beneath them.

At your silence Alexia touched your right wrist and you felt her thumb grazed ove the bracelet she gave you. Her gaze was magnetic and you were powerless against her pull.

You began, “I–”

“Alexia! Come on, we have to go!” Both of your heads turned to the voice. It was Misa who was waving Alexia over to where their other teammates were gathering. Alexia gave Misa a gesture to wait and she looked back at you again but with desperation now in her eyes.

“Go. I’ll be in Barcelona for a week starting next Thursday. We can talk sometime then?”

Alexia nodded, gave you a small smile before she turned to walk away. She startled you when she faced you again and before you knew it, her arms were wrapped around your shoulders.

“Same place?” She whispered in your ear.

You snaked your arms around her waist.

“You know where to find me.”

So it was then on this late, warm Friday evening in Barcelona the week after the Olympics final, you found yourself opening the door to Alexia.

You had agreed to meet the next day for lunch so it was more than a surprise to you to find her under the warm glow of the porch light right then. And before a word could even leave your mouth to voice your confusion, Alexia strode into your space, crowding you until your back hit the cool surface of the wall next to the door as it swung close.

Alexia was in front of you now, the distance between you so sparse that you could feel the heat that emanated from her body. You stared up at her, breathless when you were finally able to speak, “Alexia–”

“Are you seeing someone right now?” Her tone was even though the crease in her brows and the fervid depth in her eyes made you shiver.

“Wait, what are–”

“Just answer me!”

“No! Why–”

Before you knew it, her hand cradled your jaw as she brought her lips to yours, and the only thing you could do was gasp from the sudden heat of it all. It was filled with such ardour, Alexia’s kiss, that each movement of her lips threatened to both destroy and mend you again, each pull as devastating and as sweet as the last. But the sweetness didn’t last long; not after you felt the warmth against your cheeks and tasted salt on your tongue.

Alexia was crying.

She was aching, you knew it–could feel it in the slight quiver of her lips, in the frantic way with which her fingers tangled in your hair. And from her pain came yours, unfurling from your heart, into your throat, longing–reaching–to comfort and be soothed by her, your almost lover. Though it hurt, it made your teeth ache with the bittersweetness of it all because here she was breathing the same air as you, sharing the same heat as her lips melted with yours, and, god, how it felt like coming home–like the first breath once you breached the surface after being submerged for so long.

Was this what it felt like to be exhumed? Was this what life tasted like?

The kiss was slow and deep, the way only two almost lovers knew how to; the both of you took your time mapping each other’s lips, learning how to move in the same rhythm again. It was familiar but the tenderness–that gentle ardour–was above all else amplified, warming your flesh and blood to a delicate simmer.

You sighed against Alexia’s lips as you pressed your body further into her, and in response she to you, and you relished how in spite of the strength that rested beneath the firmness of her self, everything about her remained, oh, so soft. And it was this want for more closeness that prompted you to tighten the grip around her hand that cupped your jaw, an unspoken plea for her to not let go–to not let you go.

How had you gone on for so long without her touch?

A familiar scream ruptured the silence, shattering the moment instantly.

It was automatic and immediate your reaction to it: you tore yourself from Alexia’s embrace and rushed towards Elisa’s bedroom, ignoring the way your vision blurred from the sudden exertion, your lungs protested as you hurried up the stairs. You were already expecting it but like all the times you were faced with it, your heart broke all the same at the sight of Elisa sitting up by the headboard of her bed, spine crooked as she curled in on herself, head lowered to the top of her knees while her hands pressed against her ears. Upon your intrusion, she lifted her head to reveal wide eyes that darted to you, frantic at first, but the apprehension in them dimmed when she saw you.

You tried to compose yourself as you approached her slowly, before you placed yourself just by the edge of her bed.

Gently, you called out, “ladybug?”

Not a second later did Elisa throw herself into your embrace and immediately hid her face in the crook of your neck, her hands clawing and gripping at the fabric of your shirt while her sobs made rattles from her bones. All of her self was tense, taught and coiled, her pain’s physical manifestation–all the intangible grief violently wrought into existence.

Elisa clung to you as she cried and you could do nothing in the moment but offer comfort through your embrace, hugging her just as tight, brushing back her hair–consoling–as you began a common lullaby in her mother tongue, rocking her to its gentle rhythm in the hopes that it could salve the wounds of her past even a little.

In her own time, Elisa emerged from the throes of her grief, her grip on your soaked shirt loosened, her sobs now reduced to hiccups and sniffles. You carded your fingers through her damp hair and wiped the sweat that lined her forehead.

As softly as you could, you whispered, “want to talk about it, ladybug?”

Elisa didn’t answer as she seemed to gather herself, gnawing on her lower lips, brows creased in a pained frown. You were about to remind her that she didn’t have to when she answered in a voice so small that made the rawness in it all the more pronounced.

“I saw Mother’s… I saw her dead beside me again.” She cuddled closer to you before she continued, “it’s always been her but when I looked this time I–”

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes, they fell when she squeezed them shut, and your heart broke a little more. You were quick to hug her tighter, pressing a kiss on the top of her head to console her. Elisa sniffled then she continued, “this time I–I saw you instead. I saw you dead.”

Elisa whimpered and she clung to you again.

“Oh, ladybug. That must have been difficult to see.” You hugged her tighter. “Were you scared?”

Nod.

“What were you scared of?”

Silence.

“I was scared because I thought I was alone again. I was scared you left me, too.”

Her answer made you pause and you regarded her, your worry now twofold.

“What else do you feel, Elisa?”

“I don’t know,” Elisa shrugged. She pressed a fist to her chest, “but it hurts right here. I hate it. I want it to disappear. Why does it still hurt so much?”

The state of her pained you enough as it was but how much more agonising this must be for Elisa? So you pressed your temple on her head as you began, soft but firm when the words passed through your lips.

“It aches so it’s not surprising you want it to go away. And you hate it because it stays with you. And it hurts because you’re still grieving, Elisa. A year may feel like a long time but what happened to you is not an easy thing to move on from. You’re still trying to heal.”

“If there is part of you that’s telling you it’s your fault your family died, I want you to remember that it isn’t. It isn’t your fault. You were so loved, Elisa, and you loved them just as much. And you still are loved.”

“I won’t leave you. As long as we’re here–your Uncle Derek, Uncle Robert, Nana, and I–as long as you want us to be, we’ll be your family and we love you. And death might come for all of us, and it is scary, terrifying and painful most times, but our love will never fade. The love given to you and the love that made you, they will never leave you, Elisa. Love comes and goes, and it may change its form, but it is never lost. You’re right here with me and you’re safe, and I love you. You’re never alone, ladybug, don’t you ever forget that.”

Elisa turned her head to look up at you and in the warm glow of her nightlight, you saw her chin quiver. “Promise you’ll never leave me?”

“As long as I breathe, I promise.”

You pressed a kiss on the top of her head, on her temple, then on her forehead before you hugged her again. Elisa sagged in your embrace as a watery sigh escaped her lips, and though she sniffled, she shed no more tears.

“I love you, too, Mom.”

In response, you kissed her forehead.

“How are you feeling now, ladybug?”

“A lot better, thank you.”

“Do you need me to get you anything?”

“Water, please?”

“Okay. Do you want to come with me downstairs or are you alright with me going for a bit?”

Elisa thought about it before she said, “I’ll be alright here.”

You smiled at your daughter, half encouraging and more than proud, as your chest filled with warmth at her display of bravery. You stood, grabbed a fresh shirt from her closet and placed it on her lap so she could change out of her damp one. “Okay. How about you change into this while I’m gone, hmm? I’ll be right back.”

She nodded and you darted out of the room but not after you placed another kiss on top of her head and squeezed her knee for reassurance. So engrossed were you in your aim that you nearly ran into Alexia who was just standing off to the side of the doorway, an unopened bottle of water in hand. As soon as she saw you, she offered it to you without a word with a soft look in her eyes made warmer by the dim, yellow glow of the wall lamp beside her head. It was a simple gesture but your heart expanded from the thought behind it, so much so that you nearly cried when you took the bottle from her.

“Is there anything else you need?” Alexia whispered as she stepped into your space, brushing the back of her hand over your cheek gently. You leant into the comfort of her touch and sighed, before you shook your head in answer.

“This is more than enough, thank you.” You met Alexia’s gaze one more time before you knocked on Elisa’s door and slipped back into it upon her consent. Once inside, you opened the bottle and gave it to Elisa and as she sipped from it, you ventured into her closet again to grab a small towel to dry her sweat with.

“How do you feel, ladybug?” You asked as you ran the towel over her face and the back of her neck.

“Sleepy,” she said with a small smile. You returned it in kind.

“Do you want to try going back to sleep? I’ll stay here if you want.”

Elisa yawned her agreement as she nodded so you tucked her in. Then you reclined against her headboard and began a lullaby, gently dragging the back of your finger in the space between her eyes until her eyelids fluttered close before her breathing deepened and eventually evened out. You remained there until you were certain Elisa had fallen asleep completely before you slipped back out, making sure to leave a slight gap between the door and the frame just in case Elisa woke up again.

It wasn’t a surprise when you found Alexia still patiently waiting out in the hall, who pushed herself from the wall she was leaning on upon seeing you.

“Is she okay?” She asked softly, looking over your shoulder at Elisa’s door, concern apparent in her tone and the crease between her brows.

“She’s… she’ll get there. She’s been through a lot for someone so young but she’s getting better.” It was getting frequent again, you noted with more than a hint of worry, Elisa’s recurring nightmares about the horrors she’d witnessed. You knew you needed to talk to Elisa about her therapy and if she’d be inclined to take more sessions to unpack this because there was only so much you could do to help her.

“What happened to her?”

You looked at Alexia at that, unable to answer her–had no desire to if you were being honest. How could you come up with the words to explain it especially when doing so would lead to questions about what happened to you? And that was something you truly didn’t want to, or even knew how to, talk about.

Alexia must had found something in your eyes because she just nodded at your reticence and casted her gaze down. You grazed your knuckles over the back of her hand, partly in appreciation for her respect and partly for her to follow you, while you stepped past her to the stairs down to the living room, Alexia’s footsteps not too far behind you.

The both of you entered the living room in silence, the tension from what transpired between the two of you upon Alexia’s arrival and the weight of what you were about to talk about made the air thick for breathing.

With crossed arms you settled on the wingback chair on the far side of the coffee table while Alexia situated herself on the other at the opposite side, leaving the couch unoccupied; the memories in it far too intimate for two people who’d grown apart.

During this reprieve, you finally allowed yourself the luxury to take Alexia in. You didn’t really get the chance to, it had all been a blur the moment she strode through the door, but now your eyes roamed over her freely.

She had a pair of low rise denims on, a leather jacket over a white shirt that revealed a strip of her stomach while her loose, light brown hair framed her face. Even when sitting down, her character remained undiminished especially with the way she sat with her legs parted, one hand hanging over the chair’s arm while the other was on her chin, fingers splayed over her lips as she regarded you quietly in a fixing gaze that left you feeling exposed–vulnerable.

Alexia brushed her lower lip with her fingers as she sank further against the upholstered back of the chair, tilting her chin up slightly as she kept her eyes trained at you. Her movement caused the warm glow of the light to touch her lips, drawing your attention to them, and you noted how they still glistened from the sheen of your lip balm from when she’d kissed you before, and the reminder made you burn, unpleasant in the way it ached, a bittersweet mixture of your immense desire and longing for the woman before you. It was intentional the way she moved; you knew it from the way Alexia’s eyes challenged you to speak up but you couldn’t quite find the words to say–you didn’t dare to.

“Are they real?” Came the question.

It was low and even, how Alexia posed it, but the abruptness with which the silence was broken made you flinch. That didn’t go unnoticed by Alexia it seemed because her gaze immediately softened.

“Are what real?”

“What you wrote in those notes you left me. Are they?”

The silence that settled in the space between you pressed against your chest, made even heavier with the weight in Alexia’s eyes. You tore your gaze away from her and you didn’t dare look back up.

“Look at me and tell me those didn’t mean a thing and I’ll leave.” ‘Just like you left me’, you heard the words Alexia left unspoken and then she continued, “I’ll leave and I won’t bother you again.”

She was serious. You knew if you lied and told her otherwise, she’d keep her word; she’d be out of your life completely. Were you willing to run? Were you ready to live a life without her for good?

Still without meeting her eyes you voiced barely above a whisper, “I… I can’t.”

Then you heard Alexia draw a breath, long and deep, followed by the unmistakable rustle of clothes before the air stilled once more. Not a moment later though a choked sound broke the quiet and immediately, your head whipped to the sound and found Alexia now bent forward, elbows resting on the top of her knees, her head bowed into the cradle of her open palms while her hair formed a curtain around her face.

“‘What’s happening to me? I’ve not know desire like this–like how it is with you. How, then, can I go on without you now that I found you?’” Each word came out strained as her breath stuttered and yours, too, hitched at what Alexia just recited. Then she lifted her head up a fraction but it was enough for you to see the undisguised pain reflected in those eyes and the sight of them made yours burn.

“You didn’t even give me a chance. You wrote and left those words to me but what was I supposed to do with them? What was I meant to do?”

A pause.

“I thought I knew what feeling lost was like. My ACL taught me that and when my father–” Alexia screwed her eyes shut as she drew in a heavy breath. She continued after a moment, “but after you went away, I felt lost again. I didn’t know what to do with myself, didn’t know how or what to feel. All I knew was I was mad at you for leaving, for what you said to me, for not responding… I was hurt. And I felt so empty that I didn’t look through that damn bag you left me.”

“But I missed you. God, I missed you, so I opened it and what did I find? Your fucking notes.” Alexia laughed, flat and void of any warmth, and she shook her head as if in disbelief, digging the heels of her palms into her sockets before looking back at you with raw eyes. “‘With every kiss, every touch, I become more yours. If you ask me to, I will surrender myself to you.’ If you truly meant that, why did you leave?”

“Won’t you even tell me why?” Alexia repeated, now pleading.

“I–” You began but the words caught in your throat as you turned her question over in her head because why, why did you leave?

“I was… I was afraid.” You admitted finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Afraid of what?”

“To hear that I meant nothing to you, to know I felt more for you than you did for me. I was just one of your girls, right?” You laughed bitterly, hating the way tears immediately fell down your cheeks, as you looked over Alexia’s shoulder, unable to look her in the eye as you spoke. You were weak enough as it was, so bare that one word from her could make you bleed if she wanted to.

“I couldn’t bear to hear that from you so I left. And perhaps it was cruel of me to leave those notes behind but I didn’t want to take them with me. I didn’t want the reminder of what we had and what we could’ve been. And I guess, deep down, I just wanted you to know how you made me feel because even if it ended, even if it meant nothing to you, that doesn’t change the fact that you made me happy.”

“‘Nothing?’ What do you mean–” Confusion first swam in her hazel eyes but her eyes suddenly widened. “That day… you were there?”

You hastily wiped your tears away with the back of your hand. “Yes.”

“Oh my god,” Alexia whispered as she lowered her head even further, fingers digging into her scalp as she shook her head. You heard her mutter something in Catalan that you couldn’t quite understand, barely catching the familiar Spanish words for ‘kill’ and ‘two’ from whatever she said.

Then Alexia gazed up at you with fire in her eyes. “If what we had meant nothing to me, I wouldn’t be here. Whatever you heard that day, there’s no truth to it.”

“All of it? Then tell me, what did Mapi mean when she said I’m one of your girls?”

At that, Alexia opened her mouth before closing it again, then she casted her gaze aside.

Your heart dropped.

She wrung her fingers, the muscle in her jaw ticked while her frown deepened but she found the courage to look you in the eye again as she began to speak. “After I got injured, I was a wreck. It was one of the lowest points of my life. I felt like I was stuck, like my life was playing out in front of me and I couldn’t do anything but watch.”

“The world moved on but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get past it, what happened and what would come after. It was a constant one step forward, three steps back. So I… I slept around because I needed control. I was spiralling when you met me and it’s–it’s true I had others while I was with you.”

Oh, how her words branded you! Perhaps there was still a small part of you that hoped Alexia would deny it but as the words spilled from Alexia’s lips, that vision was immediately dashed and in its place bloomed anguish. Your eyes burnt as you took Alexia in, she–with her lips pressed in a thin line and the corners of them crooked downwards, brows furrowed so deep her eyes were almost covered–looked guilty and in as much pain as you upon her own admittance.

“I had others but not after the first time we had dinner together. At that point, I stopped. I stopped because I hoped… I hoped that we could be more. I still do. But it never meant nothing to me, you never meant nothing to me. I just want you to know that.”

You bit your lip as her words sank in, and your stomach dropped even further as you realised something. The falling out, it was all your fault, wasn’t it? If you’d just talked to her, none of this would’ve happened.

The silence must had lasted longer than you realised because you heard Alexia’s whispered plea, “please, say something.”

“I… I want nothing more than to be with you, Alexia. In my mind, it had always been you and instead of telling you, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t make my intentions clear and it was unfair of me to expect you to know them. I was going to–I was going to ask you to be mine that night but when I heard you say those words, I lost it.”

Tears tracked down your cheeks as you choked out, “I’m sorry. I broke us, didn’t I?”

Alexia was quick to answer.

“No, you were scared and hurting. I can’t hold that against you. And it’s not just you, it’s not like I was very vocal about what I wanted either. I should’ve told you what you meant to me, I should’ve made it clear what I wanted from this–from us.” Alexia looked into your eye with an ardent disposition that made you shiver while a small, hopeful smile graced her lips. “I still want you. If you still want me, have me.”

Her declaration moved you and this wasn’t the first time tonight that her words made your heart ache–fed fuel to the fire that was your yearning. The temptation to accept her offer was too much but you stopped yourself; the logical part of you who knew that you weren’t the same person as the one Alexia met prevented you from saying yes.

“I’m not the same person I was from before, Alexia. And I have a child. I don’t want you to trick yourself into thinking you want what comes with me just because you want me.”

“Then let me in! Let me know this version of yourself and don’t decide for me if I want or don’t want to be with you. Let me make that choice this time.” Alexia said, almost exasperated in the way she threw her hands up but desperation weighed heavier in her voice. “We don’t need to label it. You’re mine and I’m yours, isn’t that what matters?”

“And if it doesn’t work out?”

“And if it does? And now that we know what we want from each other, it’s not like how it was before.” Alexia countered easily. Then she added with a half smile, teasing. “C’mon. I thought you’re the optimistic one in this relationship?”

You couldn’t help it, you smiled at her lightness. Then you nodded.

“Okay. So, can we start over slow?”

“That sounds good.” Then Alexia grinned, mischievous with the way she brushed her thumb over her nose and how her dimple gilded the corner of her lips. “Hi, I’m Alexia. What’s your name?”

The absurdity of what she said caught you off guard, even more so the laughter that bubbled out from your throat. As your laughter faded and Alexia’s grin dimmed to a small smile, a vacuous silence settled over the both of you, a welcome reprieve from the weight and tension that filled the air moments ago. Your eyes roamed over Alexia’s figure in silent appraisal, and hers over yours, as you mapped the familiar contours of her silhouette. Then you noticed a change in her demeanour: her eyes darkened, a look you were well acquainted with fifteen months–a look that your body remembered all too well with the way your flesh burnt.

“Did you have others?” The question took you aback and you were sure that you weren’t able to hide the surprise from your face because where the hell did that come from? Still, you indulged her.

“Not in the way you think. I can’t even kiss anyone without thinking of you. It’s not fair to them if I take them on as my lover when I know I’m still hung up on you.”

“‘Still’, huh?” Alexia hummed in response and her gaze only became darker, eyes now lidded.

You scoffed at her arrogance but it lacked any real bite because it was true anyway. Your cheeks warmed at her attention and you crossed your legs, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Alexia–the way she bit her lower lip made it known to you she knew just what she was doing to you–before you casted your eyes aside, down to the floor. “Don’t be an ass about it.”

At the sound of clothes rustling, you looked back up only to find Alexia had already crossed the distance and now stood an arm’s length away. Your body, always in tune to her presence, parted your legs before you could think better of it and Alexia claimed what little space between you, her knees now against the edge of the chair.

She planted both hands on either side of your chair’s arms as she leant down, craning her neck so that you could feel the warmth of her breath against your cheek.

“I’m being serious.”

The words were whispered so close to your lips that you could feel the heat of hers as they brushed over yours.

“I tried. But you… you had others, didn’t you? I saw the photos.” You tilted your head, relished the way Alexia followed and ghosted over your lips as you did so, whispering the words against her jaw.

She shivered.

“One. Just the one before I read your notes.” And she leant in again and this time, you could almost taste her lips from how close she was to you. “She never touched me. And besides, who do you think she looked like?”

An image of the woman came to your mind. You didn’t realise it then but now her resemblance to you became apparent: the colour of her hair and the length of it, the colour of her eyes, her height. They were all similar to you.

“But you touched her.” It wasn’t a question and the silence that followed was confirmation enough. You didn’t hold that against her–couldn’t–but it hurt you still. You didn’t even know you’d teared up until Alexia swept her thumb over the corner of your eye, soft and careful; apologetic. And then a fire sparked in you, an all consuming green that prompted you to ghost your lips back to Alexia’s neck. You didn’t miss the way her pulse jumped when you left a light kiss there.

“Tell me, Ale. Did she feel better than me?”

“No,” Alexia choked out and the heat of it warmed your ear.

A kiss to the corner of her jaw. “Did she moan your name like I did?”

“No.”

You placed another kiss to the lobe of her ear before you whispered, low and cruel, and obscenely shameless.

“Did she come for you like I did?”

That did it.

Alexia took the back of your head in her hand and pulled you in for a kiss. A soft moan left your mouth–or was it from Alexia–as you surrendered to her heat, melting instantly and lips parting for her and her only. You felt her other hand creep down to the small of your back where she pulled you forward, urging you to stand up. When you did, and without breaking the kiss, Alexia manoeuvred the both of you until you felt the soft texture of the couch against the skin of your calves.

You pulled away with a gasp and before Alexia could upon her eyes, you stepped aside and pushed her just enough for her to end up on the couch, eyes flying in surprise at the sudden change of position. She opened her mouth, as if to protest, but she quickly shut it when you straddled her lap, hands automatically over her jaw and neck as you sank into her lips again.

Alexia dragged her lips away from yours and you were about to sigh in disappointment until you felt her tracing the lobe of your ear with her tongue. Then she nipped along your jaw as she whispered, a smile clear in her voice, “that’s right… You like being on top.”

You shivered as her hands traced your silhouette but when you felt her hands move from your ass to the edge of your shirt, brushing against the skin of your back with clear intentions, the haze lifted immediately as apprehension filled you. The words didn’t even leave your mouth before Alexia stopped her ministrations, pulling away from your lips gently, and she opened her eyes, which revealed at first the deep desire in them, now replaced with concern as she met your gaze.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Shaking your head, you placed a slow, lingering kiss on her lips before you broke away again, breathing heavily as you rested your forehead on hers.

“I’m sorry. And no, you didn’t. It’s not that I don’t want you because I do. God, I want you so much, you don’t even know, but I’m not–I think we’re going too fast and Elisa…” You trailed off, cheeks warming.

Without another word, Alexia fixed the hem of your shirt so the strip of exposed skin was covered, and placed a tender kiss on your cheek. Then she shifted beneath you, shrugged off her leather jacket and placed it on the coffee table, before she lied down.

A gentle hand on your back urged you down on her chest and upon doing so, you sighed as a sense of peace washed over you and you found yourself sinking into her tender warmth, into the safety of her arms wrapped around your waist.

She brushed back hair from your temple and you felt the flutter of her hum against your cheek before you heard it. “Are you comfortable?”

The gesture made you ache and you feared your words would fail you if you spoke so you only nodded, nuzzling the column of her neck with your nose and placed a kiss there as a form of gratitude.

Alexia pressed her lips on top of your head and then you heard her sigh, content. “Good.”

#ap11 #not proofread #mine #my writing #a/n:#i told yall last time words will be spoken so here they are finally #kept changing my mind on where to put some of the scenes/dialogues. i cut out a pretty juicy one from this part for future use (hopefully)#dead tired but i finished it yall 🥲 i dont have fresh eyes atm so extra sorry for any mistakes in grammar/prose/spelling etc.#hope you guys like this and would love to know what you think about the story so far #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader

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