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non-man049 · 6 months

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After finally getting around to watching Kill The Moon I was very much surprised, pleasantly in fact.

While the abortion metaphor is 100% a valid reading you can make of the story, I don't buy it being the true conflict and message of the episode. Knowing that apparently Peter Harness didn't intend this to be an abortion metaphor, I can let it pass as what is probably a writer's political views subconsciously leaking into the script.

Judging the story literally and not metaphorically. It's about choosing if it's right/worth to kill an innocent being to save the lives of many.

This is literally the trolley problem.

Then you remember that this episode works as a sort of prelude for Mummy On The Orient Express and the true intentions of this episode come to light.

This is a story about having no "good choices", about taking risks when you aren't sure what's going to happen.

Clara is put way more in a bad light than what most people say. Clara is left speechless and with no counter arguments to what Lundwik argues and concedes to letting earth decide. When she finally pushes the button it was clearly a sudden and irrational move.

Clara outright says she didn't know what was going to happen, that she wasn't planning to press the button. Clara didn't make this choice because of knowing what was for the best, she did it because she couldn't bear the weight of intentionally killing an innocent being. She gambled, she took a leap of faith and it paid off.

Beyond the choice itself. Another big aspect of the episode is why The Doctor put Clara in this situation.

The Doctor is lonely. Everybody knows that. But even when companions are close to him, he still feels alone because there's nobody in the universe like him.

He can relate to some, but there's always a thing or two getting in the way (for example Time Lords being dead). So he craves, he strongly craves for someone like him. When The Doctor is asked why he wants to rehabilitate Missy a big reason he gives is the fact she is the only person somewhat similar to him.

The Doctor desires someone he can relate to so badly it makes him want to redeem the person who destroyed 1/4 of the universe.

And now in an adventure with her he finds a situation in which they have to decide if they are willing to stop the birth of a living being to save the lives of many? That sounds familiar.

Just like Nine brought Rose to the future so she could also experience what it's like seeing your planet explode and be the last member of your species, Twelve put Clara in this situation so she could experience what it's like to be the one who makes the big choices.

The Doctor all the time makes decisions that affect the lives of many. Decisions that most of the time he isn't sure if they will work. He risks it all every day. It brings him a lot of pain but he feels forced to do it because he thinks no one else can. He always has to save humanity because he thinks none of them could do what he does.

This... Sadly brings out the uncomfortable truth. Which is that The Doctor does look down upon humans. Don't get me wrong, he adores them, he would give it all to be like them. But he is aware that he considers himself superior to humanity, which is a side of him he (usually) tries to keep in check.

Humanity is for The Doctor what animals are for humanity. We love animals, we admire what they can do and even envy them in some areas, but we still don't consider them as capable, as intelligent as us.

This side of The Doctor can be seen as far back as the first episode of the revival. Calling humans stupid apes, and describing them as a species on it's first baby steps. Because of it, he wants them to be better, he knows how amazing they can and will be and wants them to achieve their potential.

What I'm getting at is that he feels like he is the only one who has to make the big choices, he feels alone taking that burden. But at the same time, he likes it, he enjoys taking these decisions, and he would be more than pleased to have someone right by his side taking them as well.

This is about nurturing Clara into becoming something greater. In his eyes, this means stop being a little human and grow to be the tiniest little bit similar to him.

All of this makes me remember that one moment in The End Of Time Part 2.

The Doctor said humans look like giants, he never said they look bigger than him.

#ramblings #doctor who #nuwho #12th doctor #the twelfth doctor #clara oswald #whouffaldi #whouffle #twelveclara #kill the moon

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mintkookiess · 11 months

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Make me love me.

For those who sometimes feel too overwhelmed with their insecurities and imperfections, or just life in general, you just know Miles would be there for you 〔´∇｀〕

Miles has become my comfort character lately and I knew I just had to write this down. Anyways, enjoy!

Love,

Mint

"If I can make you love me, maybe you can make me love me." - Halsey, I Hate Everybody

Tags: Miles Morales x Reader, insecurities, fluff, words of affirmations

Word count: 895

Your thoughts were blank, empty and a few seconds later it was loud, as if they were screaming at you. This has been an ongoing cycle that tortured you the entire day. You turned off your phone and placed it on 'Do Not Disturb' before chucking it across your bed.

Chest heaving up and down deeply, with hands that were lightly shaking, it started to feel like the world was too big for you again. Even if you were in the comforts of your bed, your room just seemed too much for you as those invasive thoughts flooded your mind.

Here they are again.

Your eyes violently shut close, trying to make those inner voices go away. The pillows and blankets that normally gave you solace didn't seem to be working.

These overwhelming thoughts got you too preoccupied that you didn't hear your window sliding up as Miles creeps in silently. He was texting you because he had sensed something was off during school today even though you tried to act normal.

Of course, he'd know. He always did.

He was sure to close your window as quietly as he came in before turning around and taking in how dark and heavy your room felt. His fingers gripped the edge of his mask, removing it in one smooth pull and placing it gently on your floor.

Miles knew that any noise would've made things worse. So he inched towards you, praying to god that your floors wouldn't creak. Once he's reached you, he sees you huddled in on yourself, eyes closed, tears silently flowing down your eyes.

You felt the weight shift on your bed, and you didn't have to open your eyes to know who it was. He gently placed a hand on your knee, his thumb rubbing circles around it so lightly it was as if it was a feather.

No words needed to be spoken. You removed yourself from your little ball, allowing him to move even further to you, letting him enter your personal space as you have many times before.

You trusted him enough for this.

Miles takes this silent permission, before continuing towards you. He transfers to sit beside you as he cautiously wraps an arm around your shoulder. As if on instinct, your face turns towards him, burying yourself in his neck.

Quiet sobs escaped your dried lips as you relished in the familiar warmth of his hold. "Shh... It's okay I'm here amor," He whispered, kissing the top of your head lightly as his hand caressed your hair.

"I'm... I'm so sorry I'm such a... fucking burden..." You hiccuped between tears. Miles' heart broke for you, wrapping his other arm around you to give you a loving embrace. "No don't say that... you know you're not a burden to me. You're far from it."

He was careful to not overstep your boundaries as it was extra sensitive right now, so he did all that he could at the moment and continued to hold you, kissing your head from time to time.

"I don't even... understand why you choose to stay with me." You choked, tears flowing harder, and sobs getting a bit louder. Miles felt himself tearing up a little.

Oh, what he'd give to beat up those inner thoughts of yours that tormented you.

"I love you too much Amor, I'm never leaving you. I've come to love every single part of you, even those that you may think would be your flaws, I love them. I love all of you." He cooed as he tried to hold back his tears. Miles knew he had to be strong for you, he wanted you to know that you could rely on him during these times.

"All your scars? Beautiful. They made you who you are, the person I love the most in the world. It shows how strong and brave you are. Mi corazón, I'm not going anywhere okay? I'll be here for you, every step of the way."

You couldn't help but feel warm from his words as you felt those voices fade little by little. His hand caressed your cheek, gently lifting your face towards him.

When you saw him, all you saw was a boy who had so much love for you, who cared about you so much, and who knows what you need better than you did. He knew what to do, what to say as if he's had you memorized and engraved into his soul.

His eyes lightly glistened as tears threatened to fall. Miles ached for you because he wanted you to see yourself the way he did. He practically wanted to give you his eyes to show you how magnificent you were.

"What would I do without you Miles?" You murmured as tears continued to flow out. "If I can make you love me, maybe you can make me love me."

Miles closed the gap between the two of you, connecting his lips with yours gently, like a touch of a dandelion. He pulls back as he looks at you with so much love and admiration. "I'll make sure to remind you every day of the million reasons why you're perfect to me, I won't stop even after you've learned to love yourself. I'll tell you all these things for as long as time allows me, amor. You have my word."

Fin.

More of my Miles content here babes!

(if yall wanna be on my taglist feel free to let me know!)

#i cried making this #my heart is throbbing #i want a miles pls #miles morales x reader #miles morales x you #miles morales x y/n #miles g morales #miles morales fluff #across the spiderverse #atsv #astv fic #miles morales oneshot

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lythea-creation · 3 months

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Expectations - Shams x fem reader (Chapter 1)

summary: Being the only child of a prestiged father, (f/n) always has to worry about her image. Only Shams can completely take that burden off her shoulders for a while.

warnings: none

word count: 1.087

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

Requested? No

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“Hey (f/n)!”, Tasneem greeted me as I was sitting on my seat and getting out my stuff. “I can't believe we're in the same class.”

I smiled at her and took a sip of water.

“So what do you think? Wanna make another tiktok together? The last one kinda blew up. Our followers seem to love it”, she noted.

“Sure”, I agreed. “But I'm meeting up with Omar later. So we gotta do it in the break.”

“Of course! Girl, I'm so jealous! Omar's literal boyfriend goals”, she declared.

“Make your move then”, I encouraged her.

“You're still just friends? Come on! Why?”, she wondered.

“Why not?”, I shot back. “Just because he's a decently hot guy and we've literally known each other for ages doesn't mean we have to become a couple.”

“It basically does though”, she claimed.

I had to suppress a groan at her statement. Why did everybody have to insist on that?

“Oh. Hitchcock's in our class”, Hiba announced as Shams entered the classroom.

Anger bubbled up inside of me. All I wanted to do was to stand up for Shams, but we had settled on avoiding each other at school as it might harm my image to be seen with her.

Luckily the topic shifted quickly when Sarah started talking to Tasneem.

So I decided to get a head start and began studying. After all I needed to keep up my good grades this term.

When the first day after the holidays was finally over, I could not wait to get to my favorite siblings.

I walked for a few minutes until I reached the meeting point where Shams picked me up with her bicycle.

“Ready to get home?”, she inquired with a grin.

“You have no idea”, I shot back and hurried onto the saddle.

I could easily not hold on without falling off, but I definitely would not waste this opportunity to hold onto Shams tightly, daring to lean against her.

“You're really pushing your luck, (f/n)”, she complained teasingly.

She was always claiming that she could not focus on keeping us driving when I was this close.

When we entered her home, the first thing we did was getting us a glass of ice water. It had somehow become a ritual whenever I came over because we used to stay out in the sun for far too long when we were kids, obviously dehydrating in the process.

Suddenly Omar walked into the kitchen as well.

“Why aren't you wearing a shirt?”, Shams questioned, frowning at her brother's naked upper body.

“I just came out of the shower”, he enlightened us.

An idea popped up in my mind and I could not help but act on it.

Before Omar realized what was happening I had fished and ice cube out of my glass and slipped it into his pants.

“Ah, you little ...”, he screamed out and jumped around due to the coldness. It was a hilarious sight and Shams breaking out in laughter was absolutely worth it.

“You're so gonna regret this”, he threatened me as soon as he got back to his senses.

I did not hesitate to run away as he was chasing me.

“Help”, I called out.

Of course, Shams supported me and made her brother trip over her foot, leading him to stumble to the ground.

“That's so not fair”, he grumbled and stayed down.

I exchanged a glance with Shams, who shook her head no.

After a while I warily approached Omar, feeling slightly guilty for pranking him and then teaming up against him. But that immediately changed when he took a hold of my ankle, then my wrist. He had caught me.

“(f/n), you're too naive sometimes”, Shams noted.

Before any of us could stop him, he grabbed my glass and emptied it over my head. Several ice cubes plus water as revenge for one.

“Omar!”, I cursed. “Have you gone crazy? Shit!”

Now he was the one laughing and out of the corner of my eyes I recognized that Shams was barely holding in her laughter as well.

“Oh no! You don't get to laugh at me”, I exclaimed and enveloped her in a hug.

“Ugh, guys! I didn't even do anything”, she reminded us as her clothes were soaked now.

“You just watched”, I remarked.

“Which you didn't complain about when you were the culprit”, she pointed out.

“Of course”, I agreed.

After a few seconds we all started laughing again. None of us could hold a grudge against each other for long.

“Let's get some dry clothes”, Shams suggested and pulled me to her room.

“Hey! I thought you were gonna hang out with me”, Omar interjected.

“You don't seriously expect me to stay like this”, I shot back.

“You can take my clothes”, he offered desperately.

“What's your problem?”, Shams wondered, still not letting go of my hand.

��Well … I may be her best friend, but you're her girlfriend. I know you both too well. As soon as she enters your room I'll be forgotten for at least the next hour”, he assumed.

“We're not THAT bad”, I claimed.

“How many stories do I need to tell you?”, he questioned.

“Okay, okay. We got it”, Shams stopped him. “She'll be right back.”

When we arrived in her room, Shams got some clothes for me and herself and then disappeared in the bathroom.

“Why are you doing that to me?”, I whined.

Hope was filling me when she opened the door, but she closed it again after throwing a towel in my face.

Defeated I began drying myself off and putting her clothes on. The fact that they were a bit too big for me was making it even more comfortable.

“I promised Omar we wouldn't take long”, Shams finally answered while getting out of the bathroom.

“I will let him wait a bit longer though”, she declared and pulled me into a passionate kiss that almost turned into a serious make-out session.

“Now go or I'll keep you”, she warned me.

I was just as reluctant to go as she was to let me. But I knew she was right. I was hanging out with Omar today, not with Shams. It would not be fair to let him down.

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Next Chapter

Well ... I planned to write a Oneshot, but I couldn't help it and now I'm turning it into a series. Yeah, I know! Another Shams series ... I can't help myself. She's my favorite after all!

I hope you like the first chapter. Feel free to send me suggestions if you have any.

Btw I absolutely love that picture of Shams!

Tag List: @sunwoniie

#al rawabi school for girls #shams x reader #fem reader #lgbtqia #romance #fluff #female reader #tasneem #hiba #omar

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kaepop-trash · 2 years

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what was going through jaehyun's mind at the end after y/n said what she said about johnny? also, thank you for being so sweet and answering my questions 🥺

Edge of Desire

Anon: "But what is jaehyun (no time to blame) thinking?"

Anon: I just can't take take Jaehyun's side in this one. Johnny and y/n feel better together too like why would Jaehyun just leave like that?

This is an ouch ouch ouch. I hope this goes some way to balance the scales in Jaehyun's favour. Everybody has their demons is the real moral of this shabby excuse of a series. First anon is referring to this.

Warnings: A little too existential for what is meant to be self indulgent fantasy, Jaehyun is a greek tragedy, this fic is a Russian tragedy, someone tell me if this counts as cheating of not so I can add a clear warning for it.

WC: 3.1k

Jaehyun tapped his fingers against the table while Johnny tapped his on the screen of his phone. Chuckling under his breath once again, he shook his head at whatever he was looking at, putting his phone down after.

"What's so funny?" Jaehyun asked, an amused smile forming on his own lips. But the question made the amusement on his best friend's lips falter for just a moment— a subtle gesture that he quickly caught and rectified. But Jaehyun knew Johnny too well.

"(Y/N) was just talking about how everybody keeps asking her what she'll wear to the wedding. She said that she'd heard that question more than Irene." Johnny cleared his throat, shifting in his chair.

"Oh," Jaehyun responded, assuming the source of Johnny's sudden discomfort. He’d heard enough people mention it in passing by now. (Y/N) was Johnny’s other closest friend now. While Jaehyun didn’t care about the shared title, he knew Johnny always saw the world through his own eyes.

The courteous part of Jaehyun kicked in at the thought, "It's nice that the both of you became close. (Y/N) used to tell me back in university how she always thought the both of you would make good friends." He reassured Johnny.

Johnny, Jaehyun had noticed, had been skirting around the topic ever since they had a chance to have a proper conversation. It made him hope that he didn't somehow think that Jaehyun would feel replaced. Jaehyun would say it out loud if he could, he knew that Johnny would never do that. But words were never his strong suit, and his sentiments clung to his throat.

Johnny had a look he didn't quite understand, something wistful and distant. Then he just smiled and shrugged, "You know now that you mention it, I don't know why we never did." He tapped his finger against the glass. “The three of us did do a lot together.” Johnny hummed, nostalgia brushing against his smile.

Jaehyun knew the answer to that question. In university, Johnny was too occupied with trying to woo the girl of his dreams. Or so he thought. On the other hand, Jaehyun and (Y/N) were occupied with each other.

The mere thought made him swallow, reaching for his glass to do a better job of moistening his throat.

"I don't know what to wear to the wedding either." Jaehyun shifted the topic, "I forgot to pick up my good suit from the dry cleaners before coming here."

"Oh," Johnny responded, "Well I have an appointment with a good tailor tomorrow. I'm sure he'll squeeze you in, I'm a regular."

Jaehyun smiled, relieved to have one burden off his chest. "That would be great. I don't want to wear some bulky suit from the rack to Taeil's wedding." Jaehyun took a shallow breath, "Can you actually believe Taeil is getting married?" Jaehyun laughed, still finding himself in disbelief when he thought about it for too long.

"You're telling me." Johnny scoffed, distracted by the waiter arriving with their food, "When (Y/N) and I first found out it was the worst." He scoffed, shaking his head at the memory. There was a fond look in his eyes as he recalled whatever had occurred.

"What happened?" Jaehyun asked, mostly curious because of his reaction.

Johnny's smile dropped for just a moment before he shrugged, "Well it was bittersweet, I guess. You can't help but wonder about where you stand in your own life when something like that happens. I was just glad someone felt the same way I did. Especially after the breakup, I was–" His words faltered, looking like he said too much. To mitigate his reaction Johnny turned to thank the waiter, engaging him in some conversation about the specials of the day.

It gave Jaehyun the moment he needed to really consider what Johnny had just said.

'It took me a long time to stop loving you.'

The words that had haunted him ever since that night returned to torment him. Jaehyun reached for his glass again, this time to swallow a pang in his throat.

They felt the same. The words were another reminder to Jaehyun that he had missed something that was right in front of him all those years.

He had to shake the words off, not in the right place to lose himself in such hopeless ruminations.

"But you seem to be doing well now." Jaehyun hummed, a small but genuine smile aimed at his friend. "I know I wasn't here when it happened. But I'm always here for you."

Johnny looked at Jaehyun, at first looking moved but then changing to something more guarded.

"Thanks man, that means a lot." Johnny had a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Eyes that were pointed at his plate and not at Jaehyun.

Jaehyun smiled back at him anyway. He knew that making amends wouldn't be easy, the years and distance had clearly dampened their friendship. But to Jaehyun, Johnny would always be the best friend who was practically family. The best man he knew. The person who Jaehyun could be honest with about anything.

The afternoon left Jaehyun heavier than he expected. When Jaehyun got into grad school, the sheer happiness of achieving his goal blinded him to so much. He had thought then, perhaps naively, that he was merely expanding his life. That he was taking what he had with him and adding to it something more.

Instead, a sinking feeling he had for a while now came to be proven at lunch. He hadn’t expanded anything at all. Instead, Jaehyun had replaced everything he once had, the good and the bad.

And perhaps naively now, he could not recall any of the bad parts that made him want to run away in the first place. All he could remember now were the things he had lost.

He wondered if that was also why he fell in love with (Y/N) only after he left.

The truth was that he couldn't answer his own question. When he booked his ticket for home, he told himself that he'd keep away from her. She had explicitly stated that she wanted to cut ties with him after all. Back then Jaehyun couldn’t understand why his offer of always being her friend had angered her as much. A year down the line, insight made him ashamed.

He told himself over and over that he would not do anything to hurt her further. But as the day of his departure inched closer, Jaehyun’s mind was stuck on the simple comfort he once had. Comfort, he had learned, was a greater drug than aspirations.

And if Jaehyun had to confess, if he had to say why he was an addict in search of his fix then he could point to one single slip.

Grad school had been gruelling for Jaehyun in more ways than one. Jaehyun had worked extremely hard through University, he had to because Jaehyun didn't know who he was if he wasn't the best. When his mother died, she told the very young Jaehyun to always try and be happy. When he had asked his father how he could be happy, he told him that he needed to work for it.

From then on, Jaehyun always did his best. He got into the University his dad wanted because making his dad happy made him happy too. He graduated top of his undergraduate class by working tirelessly to ensure it. And then Jaehyun knew he only had two more things to work for. He needed to get into his dream school and get the best job he could. Then, Jaehyun reassured himself, he’d truly be happy.

But once he got into grad school, he immediately realised that amongst those people he was merely average. And no matter how hard he worked, how hard he pushed himself, that did not change.

By the time Jaehyun graduated, he felt like the shell of the person he once was. And it was the very state he was in when he met his then girlfriend.

It was good for him, he would always say that. It was comforting to have someone in your corner who shared some of your anxieties.

Jaehyun knew he wasn't happy, but he also knew it had nothing to do with her. He needed to finish his list and then they would be happy together. He just wished he could tell her that. Every time she asked why he never had time for her, why he never talked about his life before they met, Jaehyun wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault.

But it was hard for Jaehyun to verbalise himself, it always had been. So despite having nothing but amiable affection, he felt hollow because he knew she didn't really know him. And perhaps that would have been how he would have stayed, reminding himself that his perils weren't unique. His parents didn’t talk either. Till the day his mother died, his father believed that peonies were his wife’s favourite flowers. But they had always been daffodils. But they still did love each other.

Eventually, the day came when Jaehyun finally landed the job he wanted. His hands shook while he spoke to the recruiter on the phone, hearing the words he'd been waiting to hear for the two years of school, possibly for his whole life. Finally, Jaehyun knew that he was good enough. Finally, he was ready to be happy.

He walked into the apartment he shared with his girlfriend, out of financial strains more than sentimental need, with his cheeks burning from joy. He navigated the space in search of her before finding her in the bedroom.

"I got it." He beamed, his blood still buzzing from the few drinks he had with his classmates to celebrate. "I got the job!" He felt his lips quiver, immediately grateful for the lack of light in the room. He had never cried in front of her, and he didn’t want this to be the moment he did.

"Of course you did. It was a good interview and you're a good candidate." She said without looking up. “You were worrying for no reason, I told you that.”

You don't get what this means. Jaehyun wanted to say. But it was meaningless because he had never told her of the harrowing state he was in the past few months. He kept his fears to himself and always lied that he knew he’d get on his feet.

So he just sought the comfort he craved, walking towards the bed she sat on. With his mind insulated from the drinks he had one too many of, all he wanted was to embrace her.

"I thought I'd have to go back home with nothing to prove for myself. But I did it, I got the job. I'm finally free, (Y/N)." He swallowed the lump in his throat.

He would have missed his slip, had it not been for the way the girl went stiff in his arms at the utterance.

Things were swift after that. He didn't defend himself except when she asked if he was cheating, his answer a very solid denial she didn't fully believe. He moved out because it was the right thing to do.

Just as he gained a footing in his life, another part slipped away and he told himself that maybe some people were never meant to have it all. Since then Jaehyun lived in an uncomfortable space in his mind, with a closely guarded truth that needed reconciliation. And because he couldn't even face his own truth, he didn't know what to say to (Y/N) at all.

But listening to Johnny talk about her so fondly, to have him recall memories Jaehyun wasn’t a part of, stirred something in him. He knew the look in the man’s eyes, the soft edges of his voice. There was an undeniable comfort that came with (Y/N) and her absolute acceptance of those she loved. Jaehyun had known this ever since they met and only valued it after he left.

What Jaehyun did next was as stupid as it was selfish. His fingers shook as he texted three people with the same question. Pacing around in his small hotel room, he tried not to burn a hole into his phone lying face forward on the mattress. The entire time his mind moved faster than his heartbeat, a vicious mix of guilt and relief that he was afraid he’d get hooked onto.

The first chime of his phone made him lunge for the bed, on his screen shone a message from Jungwoo with the very thing he had become a madman for.

Finally, he had (Y/N)’s new phone number.

Everything after that was deceptively familiar. Jaehyun wanted to say so much, but he was afraid he wouldn’t say it right. He was afraid if he told her how he felt she’d remind him that she had moved on years ago while he was stuck in the same dingy bar on campus where she had cut off all ties with him. So he resorted to what had always worked, partial but genuine honesty.

Need you

He typed, afraid that even another word would make him spill everything he had guarded behind the wary dams in his heart. He kept his confession half because then he could at least pick up the pieces if she didn’t want the same. Jaehyun was afraid that if he bared it all and she walked away again, then he’d never have the only thing he promised his mother.

Deep in the trenches of his own countenance, he almost missed the buzz of his phone. But his hand reached for it by itself like a deeply ingrained habit.

Her words were simple and Jaehyun wanted to trick himself into thinking that she was guarding her own walls too. It didn’t matter because either way, his feet would drag him to the door. He didn’t need to prepare, he didn’t need to change his clothes. Because the only place Jaehyun was going was home.

There were moments in Jaehyun's life when happiness felt just within his grasp. Like if he could just reach out and grab it then it would be his to keep.

He lay with his cheek buried deep in the pillow, forcing himself not to give into the lull of the late afternoon. He willed himself to stay awake so he could watch the way the last throes of sunlight went from vibrant orange to a warm pink against her exposed back.

(Y/N) had pushed the windows open right before falling asleep and it let in a cool breeze in anticipation of the evening.

In this moment, more than any he'd stopped for in a while, Jaehyun yearned to reach out.

I love you. So, so very much.

Her confession still hung in the air like the sweet smell of wilting flowers. So did the look of agony in her eyes when she spoke. Loving him made her angry, it made her so furious that the emotion rolled off her in waves and capsized him.

I hated the person I was when I loved you, Jaehyun.

The words from all those days ago still rang in his head like a knell. Over and over till he thought he'd lose his mind, till the ringing drowned out the small voice of hope in his heart.

He didn't stop to think about what he expected when he decided to come back. Perhaps, it didn't matter after all.

A stir from her broke through his thoughts. His eyes refocused as her previous serene face squinted and frowned, eyes beginning to flutter open.

You always hated waking up as much as you hated sleeping, Jaehyun thought to himself, smiling when she huffed and stretched.

She wriggled around for a few moments, another habit of hers, yawning and rubbing her eyes harshly before her fuzzy gaze finally landed on him.

He tried his best to give her a smile that didn't expose too much of his brewing melancholy. She rolled over to face the ceiling.

Conversation with (Y/N) would always come easily to him. As someone who would always be short on words, he found that he always had something he could say to her. It was perhaps because he didn't feel compelled to find the right words. Trusting that she'd never misunderstand the things he said without careful assessment. Another thing he loved.

Even lewd suggestions could sometimes slip off his tongue, something he had otherwise found himself too shy to express. The one he expressed, dusting his neck pink.

He wanted to reach out and bury his head in her neck. For old times' sake, for irreplaceable comfort's sake.

But the sound of (Y/N)'s ringtone cut between them, making her turn away from within his reach.

She got out of bed with a smile, getting further away from him. Jaehyun was piqued by the look, wondering who it was. When her eyes drifted to him, Jaehyun felt like he'd been caught intruding on something private. As she turned away from him, the feeling grew stronger.

He picked up his phone in hopes that she wouldn't feel his invasion deeply. But his ears seemed to remain resolute on her; the awkward roll of her words, the clipped nature of her replies.

Once he heard the final farewell, Jaehyun turned back. He told himself he wouldn't ask because it simply wasn't his place.

"It was Johnny." She shook her phone screen at him.

Relief rushed into his veins like a cold wave crashing against a sun-baked beach.

It was Johnny. Just Johnny.

"He was talking about me?" Jaehyun asked, putting her words into context. She nodded.

"He wanted to tell me you were coming for the suit fitting tomorrow." She got back into bed, just within his reach again.

The statement took a moment to make sense to Jaehyun. Slowly, it dawned on him that Johnny was warning her. She was supposed to go with him, and he was telling her in case she wanted to avoid seeing Jaehyun.

Because Jaehyun was the one who left and Johnny had been there when he did.

"That's very thoughtful of him," Jaehyun mumbled, meaning it genuinely.

She turned over to look at him, a passing look flashing over his eyes, so small that he should have missed it. But it was easy for him to catch because it was an emotion Jaehyun knew well. Guilt.

"He is a very thoughtful man." She shrugged. The words made him turn over to mirror her posture, to face her in earnest.

Johnny. His best friend. The best man Jaehyun knew.

It was so close, he thought. Just within his reach. He nodded instead, putting an arm around her but not grasping.

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watchinglikeafangirl · 2 years

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Akk and Ayan live in their own heads basically

Throughout this 8th episode, we see these two caught up in their own thoughts, they go all lengths to protect those and let it rule over them.

Ayan is still trying to teach that school a lesson and is not letting go of the idea he could have stopped Dika in any way. We learn, Dika suffered from depression and tried to kill himself not only once. So by blaming Suppalo entirely, Ayan ignores Dika didn't kill himself because of the school. Teacher Chadok - or whoever else - might have been a trigger but Dika was probably already so lost in his depression he saw no other way no matter if the school pressured him or not (I'm sorry if this is not correct. I admit, I don't know anything about mental health diseases). By blaming the school, Ayan projects his own guilt onto something untouchable because it doesn't exist. He hates the system but in reality it's just an excuse of him not being able to let go. He fears losing Dika's memory but he won't, he will see that.

Akk's way of thinking is twisted and in itself inconsistant, I find it hard to understand him. At times, he opens up but then he seeks fighting again and he and Ayan are back to the way they were three episodes ago...all to protect the school which is an ideal he will never be able to reach. He pressures himself so much and thinks being loyal to the school is in contraire to a love life. It doesn't make sense to me but to him it does and it's so real for him, he closes himself off to everyone because deep down he's very sad about the consequences of his actions. But he is just like Ayan, he can't let go. It goes against what he believes even though nothing will happen if he lets his guard down for once.

Honesty is the most important noun to describe this show because the characters never lie. They are true to themselves and with each other. Especially Ayan is the personification of honesty. He addresses issues and matters directly but still manages to ensure everybody of his care for them. He listens, he cares, he saw when Thua wasn't feeling good mentally, he ensured Kan Thua is not the one he likes. He endured everything Akk did, endured the way Akk ignores matters that go against his priciples but he has enough of that since their nearly kiss.

"Why didn't you let me do it?" "Nothing happened there." "I think something happened, Akk."

He states his point very clearly. He wanted to kiss Akk but respects his choice of backing away. The difference is though, he is not accepting the action alone, he wants an explaination. If Akk is rejecting him or felt something as well. Ayan approaches him, touches Akk to reach him but Akk is in his spiraling mind and rejects the try. He is confused for sure. Admiting to Ayan would mean Akk would have to come clean about so many other things like him being the Suppalo curse. There's more coming along that promise than he is willing to give or bear. The thing is though, Ayan understands that. He knows Akk feels a burden and supports him by finding his answer.

"Are you going to deny everything? You have the right to follow your heart."

Using his parents - who are not anywhere close - as an excuse shows exactly, Akk is not shy he just wants to escape. I don't believe Akk didn't know he likes guys before. He never seems to have an identity crisis or inner conflict about that. He just doesn't want other people to judge him which differs him from Ayan a lot because Ayan doesn't care. Akk has a much harder time to shut his brain down whilst Ayan's brain only works overtime at night when he is uncontrolled. It's a big difference when it comes to how they spend their day and how they socialize. Akk worries too much about the world which keeps him from moving along with it. He always feels kind of left behind. By becoming the school's prefect, he finally caught up but Ayan reminds him, he in fact did not and that is something his ego doesn't take too well.

"You keep saying you're afraid people will see. What if they do? Can't two male friends spend time together?" "I don't know. But I'm not okay with it."

Again, Ayan is trying to reach Akk by just talking. But all that comes out are accusations that are true but keep on push the barrier between them. Ayan is frustrated and Akk annoyed with him, so the conversation goes nowhere until Ayan tries a different way and just hugs Akk without warning. Akk panics instantly because he likes it but I wouldn't call it gay panic, it's more the fear of admitting he fell for someone - and he fell hard.

"Step away or I will punch you!" "Look into my eyes, Akk. Do it." "I won't do it."

There we have it. Akk is powerless and it's scary. He doesn't know what Ayan thinks about him in this moment because he is provocing him but at the same time, Ayan makes Akk feel extremely unarmed.

"Now tell me how you feel. I will tell you my feelings and you will tell me yours."

At this point, I was melting. Ayan tries to meet Akk halfway. He knows Akk won't say the truth on his own initiative, so he takes the first step and admits he likes Akk a lot in the hopes of getting a confession in return - which he doesn't get any time soon and just pines for a few days.

By locking eyes, which are the gate to the soul, Akk is powerless. He doesn't deny like he did at the beach. The denial is long gone. But he doesn't confess either because his head won't allow him to have that. Nevertheless, he lets himself feel this moment of not thinking too much and sticks to not saying anything at all. He is close to tearing up because Ayan doesn't leave no matter how hard of a challenge Akk might be. He doesn't give Ayan what he wants, yet Ayan still stays, he still chases him, he keeps following him. This kind of unasked and unanswered affection touches Akk in places he doesn't know, so he can't word it. He is not used to it BUT AYAN KNOWS THAT AND IS WILLING TO WAIT. I can't with this man.

Like I said before, they have to oversome themselves first which is why we don't get a real first kiss in the sense of starting their dating era because they can't take care of themselves. If you can't grow on your own, you probably won't grow into the relationship. The show takes its time with the characters and doesn't rush things without creating painful slow burn. It's really interesting.

#the eclipse #the eclipse the series #akkayan #ayanakk #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan

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possumeaten · 1 year

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Sonic prime analysis

so before I do anything: this is my first time using Tumblr so if the formatting sucks or something I'm very sorry

I've been re-watching sonic prime with my mother and she asked me what this is all actually about and I've just kind of started rambling about what I thought. I don't know if this is like already confirmed to not be the case or this is common knowledge, but I've came up with it myself and was quiet proud of it.

So the paradox prism is, as we know, a prism and I think everybody knows, that when light goes through a prism it's refracted (or better fitting for sonic prime; shattered) into each component of the light. And I think you can project that directly into the universe of sonic the hedgehog, by hitting the prism and therefore shattering it, each extreme that together results in green hill zone as we knew it before is taken apart and left in it's raw form. So if you were to look through the prism from different angles while letting light (the sonic universe before the shattering) go through, each of these universes make sense to some extent, given the circumstances sonic not being there. Sonic is of sorts the one holding together the pieces, but by that also the one to blame if they fall apart, which he quiet literally is.

Now when sonic prime aired was confused why prime and frontiers were released so close to each other. When looking at the bigger picture I think I understand.

Frontiers from a certain point of view is the thought of the rest (amy, knuckles, tails etc..) on their own, without (their) sonic, their thoughts, worries and relationship with sonic on display , something that I feel like forces was trying to do, but wanted classic and avatar in the game to much to actually make something with the rest of the characters. In prime on the other hand you have sonic without his friends. After their loss of relevance in the games until frontiers both frontiers and prime were like a breath of fresh air.

(For this I will specifically look at tails, because he is my favourite and he is the easiest to use for this:)

In frontiers tails was shown to feel like a burden, we see that he has worries. Mirroring that in prime, nine can't feel like a burden, since he's alone, but still starts relying on sonic after not even after a day. Mangey, although a lot different to tails as we've known him, makes sense, if sonic wouldn't have taken tails who knows how tails would've grown up. Though you can't really compare nine and mangey, mangey still is shown to have trust towards sonic, when he hides behind him in fear. Honestly there isn't a lot to say about sails. But all 3 have in common that they feel drawn to sonic, because (closing the circle here) sonic is like the glue for the universe we know. There are 1000 what ifs you could always apply to everything, that normally always could change everything as we know, but in case of sonic prime, it gives the feeling of still being complete all the same, no matter in what universe, as long as everyone is together.

this is kind of all over the place, I hope it's still understandable!

#sonic prime #sonic the hedgehog #sonic frontiers #media analysis

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multi-royalty-arc · 1 year

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❝ you’re so strong. and brave—but i wish you knew you don’t always have to be. i’m here, if you’re ever willing to let me help shoulder those burdens. ❞ (From Zoe to Madison)

Madison was trying her best to be less of a cold hearted bitch in the presence of Zoe, the brunette had only ever tried to be a friend to her. Madison's guard was up the majority of the time but sometimes things slipped out when she knew Zoe was paying attention.

This wasn't a cry for attention, or a call for a pity party. Sometimes Madison really did need a shoulder to cry on, but allowing herself to do so was an internal battle hardly anyone would come to see.

"flattery doesn't always get you places Zoe"

The blonde wanted to be open, to talk about her worries and the things that made her so closed off in the first place. To share the reasons why she held everyone to impossible standards and the thoughts behind her sarcasm, but every time she opened her mouth it was an automated response to shut it all down. Being vulnerable scared her.

Madison's parents never listened to her worries, or cared about her feelings, she was a money mule to them and that was her only purpose. It changes you, knowing that they're only keeping their daughter around to use her as a money supply. It led her to believe everyone in her life had an ulterior motive. She wasn't worth the real kindness in peoples hearts, not that she believed it truly existed most days.

Everyone wanted something.

"I'm doing just fine"

The little girl inside of her screaming for help, but this was Madison's only defence, the only way she knew how to protect herself was to shut everybody out. Her circle was non existent. It was a habit she wasn't so proud of, giving up on people at the first hurdle but she was trying with Zoe, it was just going to take a little time for her to see that the brunette wasn't trying to take anything from her. Zoe wasn't a threat to Madison's safety, and part of her could rationalise that, but getting over her fears of being vulnerable and then being left would take a lot more than a few kind words.

"but, i'd like you to stay.."

#multi royalty asks #zadison #muse: madison montgomery #headcanon

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tache-noire · 1 year

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Tokeback Mountain, Chapter 2

(read chapter 1 here)

Rating: T (brief boner mention)

Ship: Evil Uno/Hangman Adam Page

Content: Fluff, Angst, Romance, Confessions, Flirting, Kissing

Summary: It's time for them to talk about what happened last week. (This was supposed to be a crackfic with some smut. How did this happen.)

Also on AO3

Evil Uno doesn't hear from Adam the next morning. He doesn't hold it against him. It's not nearly as bad as his drunken blackouts used to be, but he does still tend to forget things when he smokes. The whole thing– the kiss, the panic, the loopy "I love you"– it was just another mistake. Well, actually, that does sting a little. It's not like he's never said it before, but after an apparent sexuality crisis, the context has shifted dramatically . It eats away at him for days . An entire week, until finally he has to talk to someone about it. Stu readily meets him in the tiny café in the lobby of their hotel.

"I don't know what to do, and I hate that."

Uno holds his head in his hands. Stu reaches across the little table to pat him on the shoulder. It's not often that he really lets his stress show. He's supposed to be a leader, after all. He carries the burdens of everyone around him. Supports everyone wholeheartedly. The only one he really lets see him like this (human, just human like everybody else, he has to be reminded) is his Player Two.

"What do you want to do?" Stu asks, picking apart a croissant. "Seems like that's the easiest place to start."

"It's not, though. I want to tell him everything. But I can't do that. If I bring it up– if he doesn't remember, then I'll embarrass both of us. If he does …"

"You get a very handsome new boyfriend?"

Evil Uno shoots Stu a tired look. Stu shrugs it off.

"No. I'd be forcing him to confess something he wasn't ready to talk about. I can't hold him to something he said when he was high."

"But the 'gay slut weed' isn't real."

Uno sighs heavily. "People still say things that they regret."

He couldn't stifle the pain in his voice if he tried. He's loved Hangman just about as long as he's known him. Even at his lowest points. Knowing how vibrant and charming he could be was what drove Uno to stay by his side and support him to sobriety. He secretly clung to every dunken-friendly "I love you, man" because it was the only way he'd ever hear it, because Adam would always have his pick of better, more successful, more attractive people. He hears it far less often now. He'd settled into just being a secretly pining friend.

It turns out, new hope after a drought is worse than safe, familiar hopelessness.

"I wish I'd just checked on him and gone back to my room. Why did I stay?"

"Because you love him." Stu leans back in his chair. "I don't think Adam regrets it, though."

"How do you know?"

He taps Uno's shin with his foot and nods pointedly. Evil Uno turns to look behind himself just in time to see Hangman walking across the lobby, toward them. His heart sinks into his stomach, and he hisses under his breath:

"Oh my god. Did you–?!"

"He texted me and asked where you were and I told him. I promise that's all."

Stu gets up before he can be scolded any further. He tosses his trash away and claps his partner firmly on the back with a wink.

"I'm going to the gym, I'll talk to you later."

And with that, Uno is left all on his own, with Adam showing a little more purpose in his stride now that Stu is out of the way. He doesn't sit down, just holds the back of the vacant chair with white knuckles. Well, that makes two of them. Evil Uno feels about two seconds away from crushing his coffee cup, if he gets any more tense.

"Good morning, Adam." He forces a smile that feels more like a grimace. It's returned just as awkwardly.

"Hey."

There's a pregnant silence between them. Neither willing to take a step to close the distance. What are they supposed to do? Chat about the weather they don't know or care about in an unfamiliar city? And hey, by the way, about that little crisis you had while you were stoned, it's kind of killing me and–

"Uh, d'you mind if we find someplace a little more private? There's somethin' I gotta talk to you about."

Well, there it is. The beginning of the end.

"No problem." Big problem. Huge. "Where to?"

"My room."

Worse!

"Alright. Let's go."

He tries to keep the nerves out of his voice. His hands. He hopes Adam can't feel him staring a hole through his back as they walk. He hopes he can. As anxious as he must be, at least he has the benefit of already knowing what he's going to say. Evil Uno resents that a little. He can only guess. And hope. He can't help but hope against all odds that maybe Stu is right and all this isn't just one-sided, even while he's working through the five stages of grief in his head to prepare for the more likely outcome.

He doesn't quite make it to acceptance before they reach Hangman's hotel room. He's still stewing in depression when the door locks behind them. So maybe he can be forgiven for being slow to react when he's grabbed firmly by the shoulders and held still in the middle of the room. Adam fixes his cloudy blue eyes on Uno's wide brown ones. Glares long and hard, like he means to kill him with them. But eventually, his expression softens and he has to look away.

"Damn it. I knew it."

"What?" Evil Uno is still jumpy, dangerously close to shoving some space between them until Adam’s grip relaxes, too. He laughs, humorless and resigned.

"It wasn't– it's still happening."

Before he can ask 'what?' again, he's pinned and silenced with another pointed look. His face seems hopeful, but scared. The same way Uno feels.

"When you… Last week, after– after I kissed you, and I freaked out…" He starts, his voice already wavering.

"You, uh… You held me until I calmed down. And told me you're not going anywhere."

Evil Uno takes a deep breath. Wherever this goes, it's on its way now.

"I remember. I didn't think you did."

"I do. It's been driving me crazy, Uno. You said you wouldn't leave and then you did, so… Did it mean anything or not?"

This is it. This is where he loses everything, because he can't just lie to Adam. Maybe if he'd been a little more fuzzy on the details, but not when he's totally lucid. And he deserves the truth even if he hates him for it.

"Yeah, it did. I just… I couldn't stay after that. I know it was just the weed talking, I couldn't hold you to that. I couldn't let you make a decision you'd regret in the morning–"

He has to stop, swallow down a lump in his throat before finishing.

"No matter how much I wanted to. I wouldn't have been able to say no to you if I'd stayed."

Evil Uno braces for the barely-disguised pity. The rejection. He hopes for an "easy" let down, since they're friends at least.

It doesn't come. Instead, Hangman seems to exhale a thousand pounds off his back. His posture loosens, like a tight string's been cut somewhere inside him and freed up all of his joints at once. Where there was once fear creasing his brow, now there's relief.

"Thank god. Thank god, it wasn't just me reading too far into it."

Adam smiles, and Uno just stares, dumbfounded.

"I've been thinkin' about it all week. I've been thinkin' about you ."

Evil Uno thanks God for masks. His face is getting warm, and he knows it'd be an embarrassing shade of pink if Adam could see it. And the more he talks, the worse it gets.

"Actually… I've been thinkin' about you a lot longer than that. And I– I thought it was the weed makin' me feel like that, but now I think it was just makin' me more honest with myself."

Uno tries not to think about the sweat on the back of his neck as Hangman's hand shifts to rest there. His fingertips dipping under the edge of his mask and reaching the edge of his stubbly shaved hairline. He's so close now. Not at arm's length anymore. Close enough that Evil Uno can reach out and tentatively put a hand on his hip, and bask in the shy smile that gets him in return.

"I wanna be honest with you too, Uno."

He leans in, closes the small gap still between them, and Uno is so glad he put on one of his older masks to get coffee with Stu. One of the ones with an open mouth so he wouldn't have to jam a straw up the bottom of it. The opening is still a little awkward for this, but with the right angle they manage to meet in the middle in a much better kiss than the one that's been on his mind for the past week. It's still so little, just a chaste, soft press, no tongue– and yet, it's everything. The way they just fit together makes him wonder how he ever thought they couldn't.

And then, far too soon, they're apart again, and Adam's looking at him like he's the whole world.

"I love you."

And Evil Uno smiles back, for real this time, and holds Adam's face in his hands.

"I love you, too. I love you so much, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do now. 'M sorry I never…" Hangman gestures vaguely with his hands. "I was scared."

" You were scared?"

He nods solemnly.

"I didn't know if I could take it if you turned me down."

"Never. Never . Oh my god, I couldn't , you–"

Evil Uno laughs, still incredulous, still barely believing this is happening. That this is his life. That this is going to continue to be his life, isn't it? For the foreseeable future, "Hangman" Adam Page, the (extremely charming and beautiful) Anxious Millennial Cowboy, is going to be part of his life in a way he barely even let himself dream of.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to love you."

He kisses him again, because he can. And again, because he wants to and he can, he can have what he wants. And then a third time, because this time Adam pulls him in and tilts his head to kiss him deeper because he wants it, too. And this time there's just the slightest, hesitant little slide of tongue at the seam of his lips and he eagerly opens up to meet it. Evil Uno's face is hot and he's dizzy and his heart is about to burst. It's hard to breathe through his nose with his mask on and it forces him to take these embarrassing little gasps of breath whenever he can. They make him sound so desperate– and maybe he is, but he doesn't want to come on too strong all of a sudden, take a mile when he's been offered an inch. But Adam's hooking his fingers in the belt loops of his jeans and pulling him against himself. And holy shit, he's definitely sporting a half-chub at least, poking at his hip. That makes two of them.

Adam makes a soft noise, and breaks their kiss once more, hovering just inches away. Panting slightly. He knocks their foreheads together with a wry smile.

"So, um… That other thing you said… did you mean that, too?"

It takes a moment for Evil Uno to drift back down to earth and remember how to talk.

"What other thing?"

"That we could, uh… Do whatever I want in the morning?"

"Oh. Oh. "

His stomach does a little flip. This wasn't exactly what had been on his mind when he said that, but… Apparently it'd been on Hangman's, even back then. Longer than that, he'd said.

"You mean now?"

"Well…" Adam's hands creep around Evil Uno's middle, to his lower back. As if he would run away otherwise. "You got any other plans 'til showtime?"

"No…"

"Me neith–"

Hangman's phone rings, startling them both out of their skin. He checks the screen and scowls.

"It's Tony," he grumbles. "I gotta take this."

He's a walk-and-talk type. Evil Uno finds himself left hanging while Adam paces, offering a "yeah" or "got it" now and then, until something really hits him and he reacts with an exasperated "right now?!"

"Showtime ain't until 8! I'm kinda in the middle of something…"

He shoots Uno an apologetic and longing look. He can't hear the other end of the conversation, but he understands. Business is business. They're still on the card for tonight.

"It's a personal thing. It's very important, and private . … Can't we just do it live, play it by ear? Why do we have to… Alright, Jesus, fine. I'll be there in 20."

Adam shoves his phone back in his pocket with a groan.

"Tony's decided at the last minute he wants to write and pre-tape a promo for tonight. Said it's too big to risk any live slip-ups."

All at once, he's all wound up and anxious again. His tone is short and curt, frustrated. Evil Uno slips an arm around his waist, and he huffs.

"He wants me there now ."

"Hey, don't worry about it. It is what it is."

"I know, but I wanted–"

"Listen. "

Uno holds Adam's jaw firmly, making him look up from the floor and into his eyes.

"You don't have to rush to 'seal the deal' with me. This time, I'm really not going anywhere. I promise. If you still want to, come find me after the show, room 318."

Hangman nods, blue eyes glittering with all the thoughts racing through his head. It makes Uno's heart swell all over again, just knowing that some of them are about himself. And about both of them. He gives him one last kiss before heading out.

"Knock 'em dead, cowboy."

"Yeah, alright," Adam chuckles. "I'll see you later."

He's not sure how he's gonna focus for the rest of the day. As soon as the door's closed between them, Evil Uno feels like he's been hit by a truck, in the weirdest and best way. A truck full of puppies and chocolate and crack. Not that he knows the feeling intimately, but he's pretty sure being on crack probably feels at least a little bit like this. He's smiling so hard it's starting to hurt, and he fumbles his phone a couple times before he manages to unlock it, on the way back to his own room. Stu's probably still at the gym, but he has to text and tell him.

"YOU WERE RIGHT"

"I MIGHT BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK RN"

"You should probably sit down."

"Congratulations on your very handsome new boyfriend 🙂"

"OK I'm sitting now. I feel like I want to scream."

"I can't believe it, Hangman said he wanted to tell me for a long time but he was scared?????"

"That's insane"

"Anxious Millennial Cowboy, lol"

"So that's all that happened?👀"

"Well no"

"Uhhhhh"

"We kissed for a little while, and he wanted to have sex."

"If you turned him down I'm coming up there right now and beating the shit out of you"

"I didn't!!!!"

"He got called in for some last-minute taping. You know how it is."

"So…. Later 🙃"

"Good"

"Fuck him silly"

"STU"

"Ok I'm almost done w cardio"

"Details later?"

"NO!!!!"

#aew #all elite wrestling #evil uno #hangman adam page #adam page #rpf #fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #i didnt know how to format text messages. so you get colors.#i have no excuse for why i space posting things out like this???#i can only do one task per day.

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vole-mon-amour · 2 years

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6x20.

First of all, this is SO awkward. Imagine sitting with your friend/boss and talking about losing your close friend but not because you want to, but because it's regulations and you have to. "I asked her to do it." Oh, Aaron. :( The insane responsibility that lays on his shoulders.

Honestly, idk about Derek, but I'd rather talk to some stranger. Aaron is sitting there more like his boss than his friend, and I, personally, would feel trapped. This is way too official, and if I were Derek and wanted to talk to Aaron, I'd do it in a different way.

Not to mention that everybody deals with grief differently, and this can be damaging. But speaking ahead, between Strauss and Aaron, I'd choose Aaron, too.

Case: happens. These two: on it. Together.

Dream team.

Random thought: Maybe they're checking out the crime scene first because they both have the most experience, out of the entire team? So then they can present the case to the team, including all important details, & understand what to look for next.

That is exactly what she did. Good job, you two. (Sometimes I think they're having way too much fun with this by just vibing.)

Spencer's voice shaking & Aaron not knowing what to say. Brb, gonna jump off a bridge first.

I gotta say, while at the beginning I enjoyed this show giving us more of cases than personal information on the characters, now I am absolutely craving personal affairs. Any piece of information canon can give me, I'll take and write down. I am getting through the cases just to get more on the characters.

It's been 14.5 months since my parents died, and only two days ago it randomly got me so much that I was choking on my tears. This scene is... a nice reminder. Often it's portrayed that you're supposed to 'move on' in 6 months max. Just like Aaron said, it's been a tough year, we'll get through this.

I love this show.

Aaron always seeing best in people, even when people don't deserve it. Maybe not this particular case, but it's true for him. Don't mind me if I'm gonna say it once again: he is so good. :(

I won't screenshot this, but I loved how Aaron went into the cafe, "I know you don't want to scare Sam, so they're gonna leave now. Bill, will you show them out please? Go." All of that without a bulletproof vest while a woman pulls a revolver at him. He's so fucking good at his job. No wonder he's good at politics, too.

Aaron talking to her with tears in his eyes, but actually talking to his team that tried their absolute best to save Emily (and also him, Jack, and Haley). "It's the day they failed." Oh the burden on their shoulders, but especially on Aaron's. ;____; Why are they making me cry when Emily isn't dead? "They'll move on, but they won't forget." That should be called 'moving forward'.

The team: refuses to talk to him (and for a good reason tbh). Aaron: Ok, I'm gonna do this another way!

"He was taken from you & that's not fair."

Who from the writing team decided that it's ok to go with this? To put this team through so much pain? I just wanna talk. Don't tell me there wasn't another way to hand on to Emily and wait until she comes back.

What's worse that Hotch HAS to keep going. He drags them on his back & still manages to keep himself together, without all the broken pieces of him falling apart (bc otherwise the team goes into Strauss' hands & Aaron can afford that since she'll make the situation even worse).

"We come in here & we talk to you. Where do you go? Where are you in all of this?" "The same place as you. Wishing she was here."

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL THIS TIME. Give him talk to Dave, you cowards! He deserves some time to grieve!

I'm still wondering though, does he know? What did they talk with JJ after Emily's surgery? If they don't explore this later, it's gonna be such a wasted potential.

#cm #natiswatching #hossi #derek morgan #spencer reid #emily prentiss #tw death #me after my parents' death

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atlaskrr · 11 months

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I lied when I said I'm healing. Everyday I just feel like shit and every happy moment is fleeting. I hate feeling useless because what am I supposed to do with myself if I'm not good at anything.

My art is alright but alright is not good enough. Writing is the one thing I felt good at but now I'm just one step away everytime from being good enough. I like science but I don't have the willpower to turn it into something. Whenever someone compliments me I feel like they're just saying it to be nice or have low standards and it fucking sucks because I ask them to get assured only to continue and doubt. I don't want to be an attention seeker but even when I am nothing makes me feel good enough. If I ever do it goes away in a snap. I feel like I'm moving too slow in everything.

I can't tell when people are genuinely nice to me because in my head I'm a burden to everybody because everytime I have a friend I try to hold on tight and maybe that's annoying because the tighter I hold the more they slip away. I feel like I'm too broken to be loved because when someone gets close I spill my heart to them but maybe my heart just carries to much baggage for them and I dont want to weigh them down for my sake I'm already selfish enough as is.

I feel like I just hurt people at this point. My parents always argue because of me and I don't want to hear my mom talking about kms and going insane because of me when my dad threatens divorce and yells at everyone. I'm scared I'm becoming an angry person like my dad and I don't want to hurt people like he does.

Some days I open my bathroom window and wonder what if I just jumped out and died suffering on the ground. I have to close the window and move back to cry on the ground. Some days I have no motivation to do anything. I want to shrivel up and die in bed because I'm losing so many people. So if I have nothing to look forward to the next die why should I be alive. The only thing holding me back is the thought of people crying even if those people hurt me I don't want to hurt them. It feels selfish to kms so now I'm living for others and I'm so tired of it. I wish I wasn't born cause you can't miss someone you've never met. I wouldn't mind dying by accident or being murdered at this point. But I hate suffering yet I still sh sometimes when I'm stressed to punish myself.

I can feel genuinely haply and when I do I want to live but those moments go away so quickly is there even a point. I want to heal and I am. I'm able to feel happier than I have in a long time. But it's hard to just leave the shit behind.

#mental health tw #personal vent #vent tw #sh talk #tw shitty parents #tw kms mention #tw kms #im sorry i had to get this out of my system #shouting into the void #time for meditation ig #tw mental health #tw mental breakdown #tw sui talk

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mdccanon · 2 years

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Me: I couldn't support the group's policy idea because they wanted it to intentionally only help black kids in a neighborhood that's 1/3 black, Hispanic, and white. No bueno. Not only would I not support not helping the vast majority of kids, but I don't even know how they think they can gain traction on this. This isn't a 95% black neighborhood. How do they think they'll get majority support...?

Him: Well, are you saying that if you had a, let's say, magic wand that allowed you to solve all the black kids problems you wouldn't do it unless it's solved everybody's problems?

Me: Policy isn't a magic wand.

Him: Yeah, but are you saying you wouldn't help black people unless it helped everyone.

Me: Dude, I would do anything asked of me to support the black fine arts museum in town. I would support the art museum that's for the general public, as well as support a black exhibit at the museum. But I cannot support a program that says that it's for an entire neighborhood, but then behind closed doors says that it's only for the black kids in the neighborhood. Low income white and Hispanic kids aren't going to the art museum more often. Plus, I don't see how we can combat racism by refusing to show white and Hispanic children intelligent and inspiring fine art made by black artists.

Him: You are always trying to say that make things sound so complicated. If you had a magic wand that could help black kids are you really saying you wouldn't use it unless it helped everybody?

Me: Explain to me why this magic wand can help 200 kids but not 600.

Him: Stop trying to complicate things.

Me: No, stop trying to simplify things. A public library is public for everyone. If the group realized there wasn't a very adequate diversity of black children's books, I'd help them get some. If this program is going to be for the elementary schools I am not going to support it quietly being only for the black students in the elementary schools. Look, I don't even know what this conversation is anymore, I've never heard in my life a field trip we're only a third of the students go. Why are you trying to make it sound like inclusivity is a burden on black people.

Him: Well, because sometimes it is.

Me: Well, give me an example of when it is instead of talking about a fucking magic wand. Or, better yet explain to me how all of the children in these three elementary schools going to the art museum is a burden on the black kids. How does any of the other kids being there burden the black kids?

Him: Maybe a money issue? There is a big difference between paying for 200 and 600.

Me: That's not a burden on the black kids because the group CHOSE it to only be Black kids if they can only pick 200. 200 A-B students, or 200 C-F students? Why not organize this statistically by who is actually more impoverished and take the 200 poorest kids regardless of their race? Why not take the kids that have the worst behavioral problems and use it as a opportunity for art therapy? Why not take kids that expressed interest in attending our middle and high school art school? The group didn't choose the number 200 because they couldn't find the money for 600. They choose 200 because that's how many black kids there are. That means that it's not actually a burden. It's just these black people deciding that only black kids deserve to go to the art museum.

Seriously, what is this conversation even about? Why does you disagreeing and feeling like the program makes sense mean that I have to prove my loyalty to black people? Why should I have to answer any question that implies that I don't have a strong enough solidarity to black people? Especially using some stupid simplistic logic of if I had a magical wand. If I'm going to build a policy, that policy will work well for everyone that's going to vote for it. I'm not going to make something that was never a black issue into a black issue in order to prove how pro black I am. I'm not going to intentionally draw a line in the sand the moment it doesn't help black kids and then turn around and say that it's inclusivity's fault.

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scur-vee · 2 years

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massive fuck off vent below ya ya ya

i am so. lost. with everything. with myself, with my family, with my 'friends', just, with my life. all my days are beginning to blur into one, and i don't feel real anymore. i don't feel anything, don't want anything, don't need anything, except there's just an emptiness, an aching. i have borderline personality disorder and living with it is hell. going from being fine to being hysterically hyper to hysterically sad in minutes is frightening, but now, im so emotionally drained and exhausted, that doesn't even happen anymore. im just stuck, in the middle, sad, and nothing else. i constantly fel worthless, like I shouldn't be here, and that I'm a burden on everyone's lives. and I am so lonely. so terribly lonely. and whilst I try my hardest to talk to people and reach out and hang out with those I consider friends, it is never ever returned.

it's funny to think that, i had my heart broken nearly a year ago, and im still not fucking over it. it is so hard, to mourn someone who is still alive. people leave, but i never thought it'd be you. i just want to tell you, after everything that's happened, it's still so hard to let go, in a world full of oysters you were a pearl, my platonic soulmate, and i miss you, and i love you, but, I don't want to disturb your happiness. you were such a big part of my life and now you're just, gone. and it's the way I'd never give up on you, even after everything you did, all the lies and the manipulation and the empty promises, telling me I was your best friend and that you loved and cared for me and that you wouldn't give up on me, yet you did. it's the way id still take you back and blame myself even though you destroyed me. it's the way i beat myself up about it everyday. it's the way I punish myself for it every waking moment. everybody has, or should have, that one friend, they'd choose over anyone. to talk to, to hang out with. it doesn't matter, they're always the first choice. and its so empty, realising i don't have that someone anymore and im not that friend to anyone.

i just, do not know how to talk to people anymore. the trust issues I've gained from the above experience is absurd. and I cannot help but feel like a burden on everyone. my 'friends' say they love and care about me and want to hang out and love hanging out, but they always display the opposite. they promise they're not avoiding hanging out, but they show the opposite. it is soul crushing, to have had a finally good day or something good happened and having absolutely no one to tell, or you tell people, and absolutely no one cares. but im so desperately lonely i just. deal with it in my own ways. julek, if you're reading this, i love you to the moon and back. you have been my rock for so long and you don't understand how many times you have probably stopped me from really hurting myself. you are someone I am confident in calling a friend. you are a wonderful human being, down to the core, and i am so grateful you for some reason decide to put up with my shit. i love you so much.

im such a shitty person. i suck. i can't put a finger on why i do but. i do. and i am so close to just. breaking. im trying so hard to not relapse into past stuff, but the idea of getting absolutely ass blasted high to the point where I can't recognise my parents face is becoming so enticing. it's the only way i know how to be happy anymore and stops me from wanting to die. i think im going to get absolutely shit faced right now and go through old messages which isn't a good idea but I don't care anymore

goodnight

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chihirolovebot · 3 years

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— 𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐈 𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀 + 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓.

prompt: a gentle "i love you" whispered after a soft kiss, immediately followed by a stronger kiss. requested by anon <3

word count: 979

content: drv3 chapter 3 spoilers, mentions of death, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, kissing.

by the time the third trial is over, you're tired.

exhausted, more like - but it's not about you. you keep a close eye on shuichi on the silent journey back to the dormitories, but he's eerily silent, gaze fixed upon the floor. you know how heavy his heart must be; you'd lost three friends today.

no matter what korekiyo turned out to be in the end, his loss stings. the pointlessness of angie and tenko's deaths smarts even worse, making you equal parts hurt and angry. but however low you feel, you know shuichi must feel worse. he carries too many burdens on his shoulders to not be blaming himself right now. when you slip your hand in his, worriedly, he barely reacts, and the skin is clammy under your grip.

the elevator hums around you. nobody speaks. himiko sniffles into her sleeve, and korekiyo's screams hang in your ears, blistering and ugly. you don't even have the energy to cry.

everybody heads off to bed silently. perhaps, in the morning, the peppier amongst you would do their best to repair the stilted, awkward silences with idle chitchat, but for now, nobody has the energy to pretend to be alright. even gonta looks withdrawn.

shuichi makes to step toward himiko, but hesitates. even in the blue-dark of dusk, you can see the guilt etched into his sharp features, and it makes your heart lurch painfully. the moment passes, and himiko locks herself firmly away in her dormitory room. you and shuichi are left in the hallway as the ringing silence presses in.

warily, he looks over to you. his hesitancy screams out, as though he'd terrified of seeing judgement or revulsion or even hatred in your expression, though of course there is only pity, and love, and sorrow. his hackles lower, but he looks no less tortured, not even when you pull gently at his hand and tug him into your room.

by the time you've locked and double-checked the door, shuichi has sunk down upon your bed, face in his hands. his shoulders shake slightly, but you don't think he's crying. he's generally quite loud when he does, no matter how he tries to gulp back his tears. you sort of love that about him - how incapable he is of hiding of he feels.

heart heavy in your chest and breathing past the lump in your throat, you wander over and card your fingers gently through his hair. he makes a noise, heartbreakingly small, when you touch him, like he can't compute the tenderness of it, and looks up at you with cinched eyes.

"i..." he tries, but his voice cracks and he clears his throat. "i - i'm sorry. you don't... have to babysit me, you know."

you wind a stray lock of his dark hair around your finger idly. are you committing the feeling of him to memory? the thought stabs ugly in your gut, like a horrible intrusive thought. does himiko remember what tenko's hair feels like?, you can't help but wonder. does she remember angie's voice?

"i just." you swallow hard. "i don't want to leave you alone right now. it's as much for me as it is for you."

something conflicted flits across shuichi's expression. you know the look -- he's straining to find a reason why he doesn't deserve something that he desperately wants. your hands cup the lower vertices of his face gently, and the cogs turning in his brain seem to slow; he stares up at you, slack-jawed and a little reverent as he always is when you touch him casually like this. like he can't quite believe you're real.

"you did everything you could," you whisper to him. shuichi flinches and tries to look away, but you hold his face firmly. "you did. none of us could have predicted what... the only reason we're all still here is because of you."

"it wasn't enough." his voice is strangled. "angie, tenko... even, even korekiyo. i should've - i should've done more, i should've seen it, i—"

"you can't do everything," you interrupt firmly. "i know you feel guilty, but you're not - you can't do it all by yourself. what do you think i'm here for, hm?"

when shuichi doesn't answer, you lean down and brush a kiss over his mouth. it's feather-light, giving him plenty of room to back out or pull away or protest, but he stays obediently still at the contact. you try not to think that any kiss could be your last when you meld your mouths together. it's gentle and fleeting like spring sunshine, but when you pull away he clings. you open your eyes, startled, only for your heart to jump at the sudden intensity in shuichi's face.

has he recognised it, too? that all your time together is irretrievably precious? that any time, even this second, might just be the last moment you spend together? his eyes are wide and bright and focused, cheeks flushed with sudden color.

"i love you," he murmurs. you blink at him, heat rushing to your face. there's no stammer in his voice, no uncertainty. he says it with finality, with that same iron you've only heard present at class trials, sealing some classmates' fate.

your stomach melts, tears spring to your eyes, and you kiss him again. it's less gentle this time, but maybe that's what you need. shuichi muffles a gasp at your sudden fervor, hands flying up to grip upon your upper arms as though to anchor himself to the present, and you push forward, holding his head firm until the kiss bruises, until he's breathless and his confession has moved from his mouth to yours where you'll keep it to savor the taste.

you knock your foreheads together, breathing quick. shuichi is in a similar state - almost panting and cheeks flushed scarlet. you take solace in his breathing while you can, and try to remember the taste of his kiss.

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btsnvra · 2 years

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𓂃 ៸៸ you never know. ❝ but you'll never know unless you walk in my shoes you'll never know my tangled up shoe laces 'cause everybody sees what they wanna see. it's easier to judge me than to believe. ❞

𖥔 𖥦 TITLE — you never know

𖥔 𖥦 SUMMARY — in which nara finally tells her mother how she feels after all the years of bottling it up inside. takes place on december 16, 2016

𖥔 𖥦 CHARACTERS — jung nara, nara's mother who's name is yona, mentions of nara's father; jihoon and her sister, narae

𖥔 𖥦 WARNINGS — mentions of child neglect

𖥔 𖥦 WORD COUNT — 0.8k words.

𖥔 𖥦 AUTHOR’S NOTE — whew i'm not giving nara any breaks 😭 they're talking in korean the whole time so i won't add italics this time.

𖥔 𖥦 MINI PLAYLIST

𓂅 ✿ … You Never Know by Blackpink

𓂅 ✿ … Better Off by Ariana Grande

𓂅 ✿ … Just a Little Bit of Your Heart by Ariana Grande

Bts were on holiday break, so this made it a perfect time for Nara to visit her family after so long. She was nervous though, she knows that her mom will be there and the whole years she’s kinda been avoiding her.

Nara wasn’t particularly close to her mother like a daughter would want to be. Her mom was always gone so she never got to see her a lot. But of course Nara loved her mother. She could never hate her. She just wishes that her mom would see her efforts to try and make her proud instead of her acting as if she’s a burden and her sister, Narae, is her only child.

Nara’s mother would always want to see her kids, she was so excited when she had Narae and Nara but, something shifted when Nara’s mom, Yona got a new job to be a real estate agent. This caused for her to always be away and traveling so she didn’t have time for her little girls anymore. At this time, Nara was 7 years old and Narae was 10. Somehow, Narae was always there with Yona but Nara was never allowed to come with. And she didn’t understand why. Her father, Jihoon, kept telling her it was because she was too young to go with but he knew that was not the reason.

Nara’s dad never played favorites and Nara knew that. Her mom however, always did. Whenever her mom goes out and Nara tried to go with, she would always shut her out. And Nara didn’t understand why, it’s not like she did anything wrong she was just a child at the time.

Walking to the back patio of her childhood home where she saw her mom on the phone, as always. Nara felt like a little girl again, tip toeing towards her mother making sure to not make any noise so she wouldn’t get yelled at. As she finally got there her mom was already finished with the call and Nara did a little breather in order to not get nervous, she was very serious at what she wanted to tell her mom as of right now.

“Hey… mom” Nara said shyly “oh her Nana, how are you? I didn’t hear you walk in” her mother responded. “Well obviously” Nara muttered. “What did you say?” “Oh nothing”. “Anyways I came here to talk to you because I need to get something off my chest, I’ve been feeling this way since I was young, I mean I’m still young but— sorry I’m rambling” She laughed. Her mom actually looked intrigued for the first time while talking to Nara, Yona never showed this much interest into what Nara had to say before at least that’s what she thought.

“Do you- do you love me?” Nara stuttered “What? Nana of course I love you why would you ask something like that?” Yona questioned. “I don’t know it just seems like all my life I’ve been trying to make you proud but it seems like none of my efforts have worked. It seemed as if everytime I try to do something with you you would shut me out and I never understood why. Was it something that I did? And if you would do something it would always be with Narae do you know how hard that is? Every other kid in my class talking about how they would hang out with their mom all the time but I never had that because my mom was always away.” Tears started pouring, this isn’t what Nara wanted. She didn’t want to cry, she wanted to be brave. Brave enough to speak to her mother like an adult but she caved.

“I just— I just wished that you were there for me more. I feel so alone. I feel as if I don’t even have a mother.” At this point rivers of tears were rolling down her face and Nara’s mom stood up and immediately pulled her in for a hug, comfort. Something Yona didn’t show often but she just had to now. Seeing Nara in pain just pained her. “I never thought you felt this way Nana, I’m so sorry” she finally said.

“I didn’t think that you would be interested in the things I did because our personalities were very different and you were so young so I felt like Rae understood it more since we’re more alike. You’re your’s father twin Na. So outgoing and artistic I thought you found the things I did boring. For fucks sake I’m a realtor while your dad is a painter that’s more exciting than selling homes to people, Na.” She sighed.

“Yeah but I don’t care if it’s boring, I just wanted to spend time with you. Not “Yona, the big top house realtor of Daechi-Dong” I wanted to hang out with my mom.” Nara said said wiping her tears. “How about this, next week you and me and just us will go on a little mother daughter lunch date so we can talk all about you and how you’re feeling. Would you like that?” Yona proposed “I would like that. A lot” Nara snuggled more into the hug “I love you so so much Darling” “I love you too mom”.

#✭ bts nara #deluxeocnet #aesocnet #aes!ocnet #kpop added member #kpop addition #bts 8th member #bts female addition #bts female oc #bts added member #bts x oc #bts fluff #kpop fluff #bts angst #tw child neglect #◟ ⋆ 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐎𝐍 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐀𝐍 › writings !

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lazyalani · 2 years

Text

| Kazutora Hanemiya × [F!Reader]

| Flower Series #1

| Hyacinths [I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me.]

| angst, hurt/comfort?, hopeful ending, kazu just wants to be happy, he is just mentally unstable

| Summary: When the love of your life is your brother's killer, will you still choose to love him?

| Tokyo Revengers Masterlist

| Main Masterlist

Emma was crying in your shoulder.

It's painful. You thought after a several months that all of you would be fine again, but you were wrong. A year has passed and all of you are still grieving. Grieving because of your eldest brother, Shinichiro's death.

Mikey pulled both you and Emma close to him. His face was blank, he was trying to stay strong for everyone again.

It's Shinichiro's death anniversary today. To try and ease his little sisters' pains, he's trying to keep the burden to himself, you knew it. You wanted to scream at him and tell him he didn't have to stay tough all the time, but you couldn't, not now. You were too tired to do anything but hug your siblings back.

Mikey knew it too. Infact, he knew the exact reason why you're feeling worse than him and Emma. Who wouldn't? When the boy you love was the same boy who killed your eldest brother, Kazutora Hanemiya.

When you saw your brother's dead body and saw your lover getting arrested along with Baji, your whole world crumbled. The same brother who protected you from your bullies, the same brother who'd always be upset when you're sad, the same brother who always made you smile, was gone. And it was because the boy you love killed him. You were angry, you weren't furious but you were angry, disappointed. You knew his violence had something to do with his past, but you couldn't help it.

"It's time to visit him, don't you think?" Mikey had told you after the day of your brother's death anniversary. "Your mind and heart are clouded with anger. You will never be able to free yourself from the pain if you don't let it out. Talk to him, [Name]."

After a few days of thinking about it, you did. You were hesitant, you didn't want to spit out hurtful words to Kazutora. You wanted to visit him when you were ready.

"Nee-chan, let's face it, you will never be ready. Even if one day you say you're ready, if you face him, the anger will just come back. Just face it head on and set your heart free." Emma told you yesterday.

You were now sitting infront of Kazutora, your hands slightly shaking. From what? From anger? Sadness? Happiness?

"What are you doing here?" Kazutora asked you, his face devoid of any emotion.

You gripped the table and looked down, shutting your eyes as his voice rang in your head.

I hate him. I miss him. But it wasn't his fault. It's his fault. He didn't mean to, he didn't know it was Shin. It doesn't matter if he didn't know it was Shin, and he DID mean to.

Your mind was a mess. It was always a mess ever since your eldest brother died. A part of you was trying to convince yourself that it wasn't Kazutora's fault, but you knew if it wasn't Shin, it would still be someone else.

"Here to blame me? To shout at me?"

"Kazutora..."

"What? Here to say how much you hate me? Are you here to slap me or punch me?"

"No, I...."

"You what? YOU BLAME ME TOO, DON'T YOU?! JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!"

"I--"

"YOU'RE HERE TO YELL AT ME FOR KILLING YOUR PRECIOUS OLDER BROTHER!"

"SO WHAT IF I AM?!" You slammed your hands on the table and stood up.

Kazutora went silent, his face once filled with anger turning stone cold.

"So what I blame you?! So what if I yell at you?! So what if I say it's your fault?! It is isn't it?! No matter how much I want to convince myself it wasn't your fault, it is! I can never change that fact--- no one can!" You rambled on and on.

Kazutora was looking down. You couldn't see his face and decipher what he's thinking or feeling. It was like there was a dark, gloomy aura covering his face. Was it guilt? Anger? Sadness? But no matter what it is, you couldn't care less right now, you just wanted to let out your emotions and release them from your heavy heart.

"--and don't think I don't know that you've been blaming Mikey for this! Baji told me you've been mumbling about how it's Mikey's fault! Don't pull my last remaining brother on this! Stop putting others in your place! Stop blaming others for your sake! Accept your mistakes so your consience would stop eating you away!" You added on, tears dripping down your face.

The boy infront of you remained silent, his neck still bent down. In shame? In guilt? Is he mad? Is he angry? Is he going to lash out to you now?

"But you know what the worst is? Do you know what the worst feeling is?"

Seeing he has no plan on talking, you took it as a sign to continue. "The worst is no matter how much I hate you right now, I can't seem to loathe you! No matter how much I hate you, I can't seem to despise you! No matter how much I hate you, I can't seem to throw away all our memories together! Now matter how much I hate you.... I still love you..." You slid down your chair and sobbed, covering your face with your hands.

The room was filled with your sobs. There was no other noise other than your sobbing and sniffing. After a few seconds, you took a piece of your remaining courage and looked at Kazutora.

"Kazu...?"

A tear dripped from his face.

You gasped. "Kazu--"

He took a harsh breath. "Get out."

"Kazutor--"

"Get out!" This time, he looked up and it broke you when you saw his face full of his tears. He looked so broken.

You stood up and went for the door. "Kazu, I hate you, you know? But then again, I still love you, even after everything."

And you left.

"[Name]-chan!! There's a box for you here!" The old lady managing your apartment building shouted from downstairs.

You turned away from your food for a second. "Coming! I'm coming down! Just a second, please!" You ran to your kitchen and turned off the fire cooking your corns. Even after so many years, you still love the taste of the corn Shinichiro had introduced you from the Philippines.

You ran downstairs, wondering what could the box be for and who could've mailed them to you. What is a wrong address? No, the manager told you it was for you so it must have your name.

Honestly, a part of you was hoping it was from your brother, Mikey. Several years after Emma died, he moved out from the Sano residence and disappeared without a trace. He didn't even attend your grandfather's funeral. You wondered where he went and tried to call him nonstop when he disappeared and then you just saw him on TV not as a celebrity but as a Criminal boss. Really, you were so furious. You couldn't blame him for grieving, because you were grieving too, but you wrre furious at him for leaving without a word. Not even a letter.

The old lady smiled teasingly, seeing you run down from the stairs. "Hi dear, is there an admirer you're hiding from me?" She teasingly asked

You laughed. "No, Granny Mae, there is not." You answered.

"Oh? Then who is this from? The delivery man did not give a name."

You took the box and inspected it for any signs of who it is from. The box wasn't heavy, but it's not too light either.

Granny Mae went inside her office for a minute and came out, handing you a cutter to open the box.

You opened it and it revealed Purple Hyacinths.

There were also a few chocolates underneath, and a letter.

Granny Mae's face softened and a tender look relaced the once excited look on her face.

"[Name], dear, do you know what these flowers mean?" She asked you.

You looked at her, then back at the flowers and blinked. "Umm, no?"

She chuckled. "Whoever has hurt you in the past, is saying sorry."

You took the box with the chocolates and flowers in your apartment and went in your room.

You sat on the bed and opened the letter. There were only five words, but those five words became everything to you. Coming from him, these words are much more than the three words you told him when you last saw him. Kazutora Hanemiya.

I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me.

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