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sequinsmile-x · 2 years

Text

The Way Home - Chapter 1

A fresh start. That’s what she needed. Not the turn of a page, or a new chapter, but a brand new book.

She left everything behind, and just hoped that she had better things ahead.

A Hotchniss College AU

-x-

Words: 2.2k

Rated: M

Warnings: None for this chapter, but there will be eventual mature themes, discussion of abortion, canon typical violence. Tags will be updated accordingly as we go.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Fall 1991

Emily hated moving. It reminded her too much of her childhood. Watching as people her mother hired packed her things into boxes. Her belongings never out of them long enough to find their place, for dust to collect around them on the shelves. No lasting reminder that they had ever been anywhere. She often felt the same way, like she was drifting through life. Never in one place long enough for anywhere to feel like home, the impact she left behind either nominal or devastating.

Her mother always says she never does anything by half. More than anything, Emily hated that she had often proven her right.

Emily could count the number of decisions she had made for herself on one hand. Some of which she would never be able to forget, no matter how much she didn’t regret them. It’s why she had insisted on doing it all herself this time around - organising the movers for the furniture, packing all of her things away and putting what she could fit in her car in the trunk. Her mother didn’t fully approve of the move but understood her reasoning. Her usual comments that aired on the side of being snide kept back, knowing that, even the daughter she incorrectly considered flighty, wouldn’t transfer college halfway through her degree for no reason.

She still hadn’t told her mother everything. They’d never had that kind of relationship, too much damage over the last few years to be close enough to share things like that. Emily often wondered what it was like, to have a mother you could sit with for hours and discuss anything and everything with no judgement, only unconditional love and support.

Elizabeth loved her, she knew that, but she didn’t understand her. And in a way, that hurt Emily more than she thinks a lack of love would have.

It left her looking for love in the wrong places.

Emily thought Ian had loved her, his infatuation with her something that she had mistaken for more than it was. He was older than her, charming. Able to make her feel like she was the only person in a room as he bought her drinks, lying about her age to the bartenders when they asked so she could be served. Their relationship had been fast paced, passionate. And she remembered at the time thinking it was too good to be true, that this man with the piercing blue eyes who claimed to love her wasn’t all he seemed. It was an instinct that was proven to be correct far too quickly, yet another incident that would change her life.

She’d fallen for him, something she even now would still say was love, even if it wasn’t healthy, and she was grateful it was done with. Another lesson from her past, another thing she would build her future on top of. Her mistakes the solid foundations of what was to come, the very things she learnt from.

A fresh start. That’s what she needed. Not the turn of a page, or a new chapter, but a brand new book. She was leaving everything behind, and just hoped that she had better things ahead. Friends she knew would forget about her as time went on, her absence from their junior year at Georgetown a curiosity that would last a couple of weeks until they got used to it, the facts about her transfer to Harvard stopping any rumours in their tracks.

The break up with Ian, and his reaction to it, had been the final straw. The final push she needed to leave Georgetown, to get of DC. It was strange, it was somewhere she had wanted to be so much of her childhood, the only place that had ever felt anything close to what she assumed home felt like. As a child she had coveted the slight musty smell in the air from the house not being used when they first showed up. The brief gaps in between her mother’s assignments that brought them back to the US, familiar streets with unfamiliar faces, Emily’s salvation of sorts. Like she was resetting the clock.

Sometimes, she had needed it more than others.

She still remembers the sense of relief when they landed back in DC after Rome, the five years that had elapsed since had done nothing to elevate the feeling. The way it suddenly felt easier to breathe. Matthew’s phone number written on a scrap of paper in her back pocket. Photos and other memories of her time in Italy locked away, and not just in one of the boxes she knew would already be in her room waiting for her.

It felt different now, she was just a few months off of turning 21 and somewhere brand new again. A sea of new faces and new buildings. Unfamiliar in every sense, and for the first time in a long time she felt something she wanted to call excitement burning in her belly. The control she had taken herself spurring her on, pushing her forward into the unknown.

The drive, the almost 8 hours having flown by, had been strangely enjoyable. Her Siouxsie and the Banshees tape almost worn out, a distraction as the feeling in her belly turned into nervousness as she got closer to her destination.

She pulls up outside the apartment building, a few blocks away from the campus. The building was relatively non-descript on the outside, and she double checks it’s the correct address before she stops her car, sighing as she stretches out her back, stiff from being sat for so long. She steps out and takes another look at the building, smiling as she sees a man approaching her, a kind smile on his face.

“Ms Prentiss?” He asks, reaching out to shake her hand, Emily smiles and nods at him. “I’m Jason, the building manager.”

“Nice to meet you.” She replies, shaking his hand. “Thank you for letting the movers in the other day, it was a big help.”

“No problem.” He says, digging through his pockets to hand her two sets of keys. “Here are your keys to your apartment, and a set of spares. It’s on the third floor. You’ll be glad to know there is an elevator.”

She smiles and nods. “Thank you so much.”

Jason looks past her to her car, his brows creasing as he sees the amount of boxes she has in it, precariously balanced in the back seat as well as the trunk.

“Do you need help with that?”

“No,” she says immediately, shaking her head, “I’m fine.”

“Well if you need anything, let me know.”

She smiles her thanks and watches as he walks away, turning back to her car and shrugging as she decides to at least take a couple boxes up for now.

She makes it to the third floor, pleased to find it wasn’t difficult to find her apartment once she makes it there. She puts the box she is carrying down as she digs the keys out of her pocket, opening the front door and walking in, pushing the box she had carried up in with her foot. .

It was mostly open plan, the living room and kitchen linked together. Her plain, but functional furniture already in place, the small dining table half way between the kitchen counter and the couch. She feels a bit of relief at seeing the TV in one piece, the VCR on the shelf below it, not having any confidence they’d make it once she saw how careless the guys she had hired to bring her things here were. She walks around a little, checks out the two rooms that come off of the main living space - a good sized bedroom and a bathroom.

It was good for what she could afford, her mother still helping her out as she had since freshman year, neither of them acknowledging it. Emily walks back to the kitchen and opens the fridge, sees that it is full of food and she chuckles, shaking her head.

“She can’t just say she loves me like a normal mom.” She says to herself as she closes the fridge and turns around. “Well,” she says out loud, “the rest of it isn’t going to bring itself up.”

She makes the journey up and down from the car more times than she can count, part of her wishing she had taken Jason’s help when he offered it, wanting nothing more than to lay on her couch and nap after her long drive.

She’s distracted, chastising her past self for overstuffing the box in her arms with books when she walks out of the elevator and straight into a stranger. She almost drops the box, firm hands on her biceps the only reason she doesn’t. She looks up to find herself almost face to face with a man that is clearly one of her new neighbours.

He was handsome, dark hair flopping over his forehead, and dimples on his cheeks as he smiled slightly at her, his eyes wide in surprise, indicating he also hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going. He was taller than her, and she would guess a few years older.

“I’m so sorry,” Emily says, choking on the words slightly, highly aware she’d almost dropped a very heavy box on this man's foot. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“It’s ok,” he replies, moving his hands from her arms to the box, securing it slightly further, “I wasn’t paying much attention either.” He shifts the box entirely into his arms, holding it like it weighs nothing. “I’ll take this for you.”

“Oh no, that's ok-” She starts to protest, but he cuts over her, his smile kind and reassuring.

“It’s not a problem,” he assures her, shifting his shoulder so his bookbag readjusts, and it occurs to her that he must also be a student, “my classes don’t start for a while, I’m always told I’m overly prepared for everything.”

She stares at him for a second, before nodding sharply, tilting her head down the hallway they needed to go down as if he didn’t live in the building himself.

“Thank you.” She says, throwing him a tight smile as they walk towards her new apartment. They fall into a slightly awkward silence, and she fiddles with the keys in her hand as she seems to suddenly forget all the social skills her mother had instilled in her since the moment she could talk.

“Are you the new tenant in number 18?” He asks conversationally, and she looks at him, her eyebrows furrowing together as she tries to figure out how he knew that. She realises she must have looked overly concerned when he chuckles at her. “I haven’t been stalking you I promise, I live opposite you - in number 20,” he says as they make it to her door, and he points to his front door with his elbow, “I saw them moving your furniture in a couple days ago.”

“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you.” She says as she opens her door, and steps back so he can put the box down next to the rest of them.

“Do you need any help with anything else?” He asks, readjusting his bag again as he stands back up.

“No, it’s ok. Thank you.” She replies, she points at his bag, clearly bursting with textbooks of some kind. “You’re a student?”

“Harvard Law. About to start my third year.” He explains. “How about you?”

“I’m a junior doing my undergrad, just transferred to Harvard.” She says, and she sees his unanswered question and answers it before he even opens his mouth. “Linguistics.”

“Impressive.” He says, smiling at her. “You speak many languages?”

“Six.” She answers, smiling when she gets the same response she always did, the slight opening of his mouth in shock. “But my Russian and Greek are passable at best.”

He laughs at her. “That might be the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard someone be modest about.” She joins in with his laughter, and when it fades things are slightly awkward again. Not in a way that was overly uncomfortable, just two people who barely knew each other, or what to say. “I should go.”

“Of course,” she says, nodding, aware that they were still standing in the doorway of her apartment, “thank you again, and sorry for almost crushing your toes.”

“You aren’t the first pretty girl to almost do that.” He replies, clearly doing so without thinking when he immediately clears his throat afterwards, and she bites her lip to stop herself from laughing. “If you ever need anything I’m just across the hall.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She says, and he nods at her and turns away, and she calls after him. “Wait, I’m sorry I didn’t even ask your name.”

He turns and smiles at her, the damn dimples she had seen outside the elevator doing something to her belly she chose to ignore.

“I’m Aaron.”

She flashes him a quick smile. “Nice to meet you, Aaron, I’m Emily.”

-x-

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wallflowerimagines · 3 years

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Hello! Um... I don’t really know how to start this but say I love your hc! I think you do a fantastic job on them, there all very sweet but being the s.o.b I am I’m here to ask for some angst. How would you think the lords act if their S/O died?

...I'm feeling mean. 😈

Warnings: Angst, Death, Horror Game villains making bad decisions/not coping with tragedy, suicide.

Alcina Dimitrescu

Denial, Denial, Denial

You can't be dead. There has to be something, anything that she can do to save you. Alcina scrambles for a solution, attacking the problem from all sides, despite the reality of the situation staring her in the face.

Immediately injects your body with Cadou in a desperate hope to save you. Any possible chance that he has to save you she's going to take it.

It's not likely that your corpse reanimates, but it does mutate. At the end of the process, what's left of your body hardly even looks like you anymore, and she can't bring herself to look at it.

She builds a gilded crypt for your body-- it's stunning. It's inspired by you, all your favorite colors, styles and hobbies are incorporate to make the room feel full of your spirit. Alcina is an artistic woman, and she throws herself into the project like she's possessed.

It might take years, even decades to complete. It has to be perfect. When it's done she feels accomplished, but twice as empty. It might be one of the most beautiful dedications she's ever made, but it can't replace you. She has the room sealed off with no way to get to it, so she can't be tempted to visit. She just needs a piece of of you still in her home, or she can't get through the day.

...If your corpse does reanimate, it's actually worse for Alcina. Whatever she brought back was a shambling, horrifying mess of mold wearing your face. It couldn't think for itself, or even follow commands--it just wanders in circles and attacks anything that gets too close.

She keeps your reanimated corpse in a cell, unable to bring herself to destroy it completely. Sometimes, she'll go down to the basement and talk to the thing like it is you, telling it about her day, having one-sided conversations and thinking of all the wonderful memories the two of you shared.

When its dead eyes meet hers, her lungs seize in her chest and tears gather in her eyes. Alcina doesn't cry often, but when your corpse meets her gaze she starts to sob. Those eyes used to look at her with life and love and now...

Still, she can't stop herself from visiting it. It's a compulsion she can't stop, and it tears open the wound every time, but some irrational part of her deep, deep down thinks that one day, she'll descend those steps and you'll be there to greet her with a warm smile.

In either scenario, she will never have another partner. You're impossible to replace, and she feels truly, genuinely empty without you. Rest well, Darling. You'll never be forgotten.

Donna Beneviento

There is such a thing as a last straw, and this is it for Donna.

Please remember: this is a woman who has lost everything. Mother Miranda might have given her a new "family", but Donna is not nearly as attached to these new members as she is to her original family. And the loss of her original family has shaped her in such a way that if you died? She would be absolutely devastated.

It's not fair to put this kind of pressure on you, but in a very real way you were her last hope for normalcy. She had all these plans to fix her family with you. You were so instrumental to her hopes for the future that now that you're gone, it feels like she has no hope at all. You were her missing link, her one true love, and now that you're dead...

Donna screams until her throat is raw when she finds out you're gone. Angie can't help her, nothing can. She just can't cope with reality anymore.

She'll build a life sized Doll of you to try to help herself cope, but the minute she tries to implant of piece of her Cadou in it, she is filled with such a vehement hatred of the thing that she starts scream-crying before she takes an axe to it's face and hacks it to pieces. How dare it pretend to be you?!! It's not even close to the real thing, she shouldn't even have tried--

She might try to induce a hallucination of you to help her get through the day to day, but it's not the same. She can't perfectly mimic your laugh, or your smile, or the way you tuck her hair away from her face. It's so obviously not you, and Donna is... alone.

I do hate to say it, but she will absolutely try to kill herself if you died. You were the one person who understood her, empathized with her, and you were her best friend. You were her support system, the one person who could carry her through the worst times in her life, but you're gone. Donna can't believe that anyone else could be there for her like you were.

Salvatore Moreau

Absolutely, irreparably broken.

When the two of you were in a relationship, you busied yourself not only with smothering Salvatore in all of the love and affection that you could, but you also did a lot to help his self-esteem and mental health.

You made sure he knew that he was loved, that you could never hate him, and even on your death bed you make him promise never to forget how wonderful he is.

Once you're gone, though, Salvatore cracks.

He clings to every bit of you felt behind. All of your jewelry, clothing, pictures and sentimental items are preserved to the best of his ability. Your living space is transformed into a shrine dedicated to you.

It's not healthy, but he also deifies you in his memory. Mother Miranda is no longer the only person that he worships-- the memory of you is now sacred to him. You become something holy and perfect in his mind's eye. It doesn't matter how many flaws you had in reality, your death has turned even your worst flaws into traits to be admired and praised. His perception of you is totally twisted.

Speaking of Mother Miranda, he regresses a lot. His adoration of Mother Miranda was something you were helping him work through, but now he's right back at square one, and even worse off than before.

Moreau can't make a decision on his own anymore--from what to say, to what to do, and sometimes even what to eat. After all, it's his fault that you died, isn't it? You were his partner and he used to be is a doctor. How could he possibly trust himself with anything when he couldn't manage to save the most important thing in his life?

To the rest of his family, he's more pathetic than before. His obsession with his Mother was usually limited to when she was in the room, but now it's constant.

If he ever hears the quote "It's better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all," he gets supremely, violently angry. No. No, that's not true, it's bullshit, how dare you even say that to his face.

If he hadn't loved you, you would be alive. He would be alone, but you would be safe. You would be happy.

Now he's alone, and all you are is dead. He can't ever come back from it.

Karl Heisenberg

Rage. Unending, earth shattering Rage.

Whatever killed you better start to fucking pray, because Karl Heisenberg will not quit until it's suffering.

He doesn't kill who or whatever it was. He let's it sit there, mangled beyond belief, and uses his knowledge of mechanics and biology to keep it alive in constant, unending pain.

It's cathartic for him, but not in a healthy way. The more he hurts it, the better he feels, but at the end of the day, you're still gone, and he's still alone.

He's... lost.

Heisenberg should be angry, fuck he wants to be angry more than anything, but the longer he keeps the thing alive... emotions seem like they're too far away anymore. He wants to scream, he wants to cry, he wants... you.

He keeps something of yours in his pocket at all times, just to run his fingers over it and remember you. Your eyes, your laugh, your smile... It's almost like a stress ball, and these days sticking his hand into his pocket to wrap his fingers around the thing is the only way he can calm down.

Sometimes he turns to ask your opinion on something, or tell you a joke with a big smile on his face because this one is going to make you laugh for sure-- and then he freezes when the reality sets in once again. You're not here.

Remember, Heisenberg has idealized the two of you as this perfect partnership. You were the first person who looked at him and loved everything that you saw. You weren't just his first real relationship, the first person that he implicitly trusted, but you were also his very first real friend.

He wasn't the most friendly person to begin with, but he did get better because of you. He was still spoiled, a little socially awkward, and maybe his dark sense of humor would slip and get a little too much, but he grew as a person.

Now that you're gone, he can't even remember what it's like not being a cruel, empty shell of rage. All he has left is his hatred of Mother Miranda.

After a while, it doesn't matter if he's ready to take her on or not. He's going to face that bitch head on and kill her, or die trying.

If he wins, he's finally free. If he doesn't... that's not so bad either. Karl doesn't really believe in an afterlife, but there's something appealing about joining you wherever you might be.

#angst #death #alcina dimitrescu x reader #donna beneviento x reader #salvatore moreau x reader #karl heisenburg x reader #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #donna beneviento #salvatore moreau #karl heisenberg #re8 #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #resident evil #dead reader #tw: suicide

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spidernerdsblog · 3 years

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Hi! I’d like to request a Tom imagine where he becomes distant and not the same Tom you knew before so when you lay in bed on opposite side facing different directions, you start to silently sob and he doesn’t notice. It goes on for a couple of nights and you leave early in the morning but one day Tom wakes up and sees the tear stained pillow and feels awful because he’s been so cold to the reader. Thanks :))

False God

A/N : This took me forever apologies for that. Based on the song ‘false god’ by TS. Hope you like this.

Pairing : Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings : angst

Everything seemed perfect until it wasn’t. Your rather happy and prosperous life was crumbling in front of your eyes and you didn’t know what to do. A rift has been forming between you and Tom and it is getting wider day by day.

Since the day Tom has returned from filming he has been acting distant. Your long late night conversations where he used to pour his heart out to sharing each and every thing that happened with him while he was away has come down to bare minimum only if it's necessary. His hugs no longer had the warmth you were familiar with; neither were his kisses. It felt forced and deliberate.

You knew that being in a relationship with a world known actor like Tom would be tough. He is always travelling to different places around the world to make more movies but never you’d imagine that distance would become the weak point of your relationship. Everybody had warned you about times like this when the distance between you would feel way too much as if you don’t know the person anymore. It made you question your decisions, maybe it was crazy of you to rush into a relationship. The promises you made to be there for each other now feels stupid and childish.

After finishing all your daily chores you headed to your shared bedroom. Tom was already in bed glancing at the ceiling lost in his own thoughts as you walked to your side of the bed and laid down. Everything was so still only the shallow breathing of yours could be heard the silence cutting to your core. You tried to take the initiative and went to wrap your arms around him and snuggle close as you always used to do.

“Not tonight baby I’m tired” to your surprise Tom pushed you away with a hint irritation in his voice as he turned to his side facing his back to you. You retracted your hands in guilt of coming off as clingy. You turn to your side as you sob silently, the fact that you were so close to each other but it felt he was out of your reach.

You hoped that things would get better, maybe he needed some space but it just got worse for you. It looked like he was avoiding you as he spent most of the time outside of the house. Is this what everybody warned you about? The guy who used to follow you around like a lovesick fool suddenly you feel you have become an eye sore for him. But still you wanted to hold on to the last straw. You were blinded by the faith in him and the love you had that made you keep your hopes alive that this shall pass and soon he come running back to you.

You didn’t want to give up so easily as you tried to make him talk to you about whatever it was bothering him but he was always cold and resilient about it.

“Hey hon let's go out for dinner tonight what do you say?” you ask thinking that you both needed to blow of some steam and enjoy.

“Nah I'm good babe” he turns down your offer plainly engrossed in watching whatever was playing on the TV while sitting on the couch.

“Oh ok” you say gloomily as you turn to go back to your room when you hear his phone ring.

“Hey Haz what's up mate?” Tom sounded cheerful as he talked to his best friend.

“At the pub? Yeah sure why not. I'll be there by seven” he confirms before hanging up the phone.

That hurted you immensely has your relationship come to this where he’d rather not go out spend a little time with you. Has his dislike for you gone to that extent? you thought fighting back your tears. The last blow came when the other day you accidentally overheard him while he was in the study speaking to someone on his phone.

“No I can’t do this anymore. I’m fucking tired!” Tom said with distaste in his voice.

That was it you couldn’t bear to hear anymore as you ran to your bedroom with tears in your eyes. You sat on the bed as your eyes went to the framed photographs of you and Tom as memories flashed in front of your eyes. You looked so happy around each other everything seemed so perfect but now he is tired of you. You are no more his favorite thing to look at. If it is so then why pretend? If he’s eventually gonna break your heart why not get it done already you don’t want to be a burden in someone’s life.

With these thoughts you cried yourself to sleep only wishing if this was a bad dream and once you wake up you will find yourself in his arms.

Next day you woke up early in the morning to find Tom sleeping next to you peacefully, a loose curl falling over his eye. A smile formed on your face as you went to brush it off but stopped when the memory of last night returned back to you. You felt suffocated as the air in the room felt heavy. You wanted to scream and vent out everything you had inside you, you just want an answer to why is he acting like this? What was your fault?

Your head started to ache and after a lot of thought you decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air to clear your head.

Tom stirs in his sleep and turns around on his side, his hand reaching out to pull you closer out of habit but he is met with thin air. He pats around your side of the bed with his eyes still closed to find the sheets cold. His eyes shoot open realizing you weren’t there as he sits up.

“Y/N” he calls out, rubbing his eyes. His eyes went to your pillow, the fabric of the pillow case covered with wet blotches as realization dawned upon him. You were crying and he was the reason behind your tears.

“Shit..” he was overcome with guilt and slid off the bed.

“Y/N! Y/N!” Tom called out to you rushing down the stairs but you weren’t in the living room

“Love, where are you?” he frantically searched everywhere for you in the house but you were nowhere to be found. He dropped down on the couch letting out a deep sigh in regret. He himself knew that he had been distant to you for a reason that he cannot say to you which was eating him up from inside. He hurt you to the extent that now you are gone. He had no idea what to do now, where to go and find you. He was about to call Harry when the front door unlocked and you walked in with Tessa by your side.

“That was a nice walk isn’t it Tess?” you say catching your breath as you slip off your running shoes when your eyes went to a very devastated Tom.

“Tom are you alright?” you ask with concern. His eyes darted towards you as he stands up and sprints to you engulfing you in his embrace. Oh how much you missed this you thought closing your eyes in content face nuzzled into his chest as you inhaled his faint cologne. You pull away after some time and gazed into his eyes red and puffy. A few tears of joy of seeing you again slipped down them.

“Is everything ok bubs?” you ask him again cradling his face wiping his tears with your thumbs affectionately.

“Where were you?” his voice comes out broken.

“I woke up early so thought to go on a walk with Tess. Plus I was feeling very cooped up in the house so needed some fresh air”

“I-I saw the empty bed then I saw your pillow I-I thought you left, I got so scared Y/N” he sniffled.

“Truth be told I was actually thinking of leaving. I can't live like this anymore, Tom. You and me living under the same roof acting like strangers it’s becoming mentally strenuous for me” you finally vent it out.

“I know- I know I have been a complete jerk to you lately. I was so wrapped up inside my head-”

“It’s ok Tom if you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore just say it I won’t bother you anymore” you say bitterly.

“What are you saying love?” Tom looked at you in disbelief.

“Last night I heard you, Tom, that you’re tired of this, of me. Tom you should have just told me I would have left then and there”

“No that wasn’t what I was talking about” Tom shakes his head dismissively as you tried to stay calm.

“It’s ok Tom people fall out of love I’m not blaming you but you should have told me first instead of telling about it to someone else”

“You don’t understand Y/N. I-I…” he slumps on the couch holding his forehead feeling mentally drained out. You sit beside him holding on to his arm.

“Then make me understand Tom. What is it? Just talk to me baby” you pleaded your hand went to cup his face as you made him look at you.

“Derek, my PR manager wants me to break up with you” he finally lets it out as you gave him a confused and surprised look.

“What? But why?”

“Apparently he thinks our relationship is affecting my social image” he sighs sadly.

“Do you think that too?” you mumble looking down.

“What? No, love. I would never. You are the best thing that has happened to me” he reassures you “Since the day he told me had me so stressed I didn’t know how to handle this whole thing and in that process I pushed you away, I hurt you...” he rambles.

“But what are you gonna do?”

“Nothing. I told him I can’t do this and I’m tired”

“So you weren’t..?” you looked at him with doubtful eyes.

“Yes honey I was telling him that I can’t do whatever he is asking me to do” he cradles your face with his large palms “I can never get over you, not in this lifetime at least. And I’m sorry I acted like that. Can you forgive me love?” he looks at you with guilt in his eyes. You break into a soft smile as you hold to his hands.

“I can never be angry at you dummy. Just please don't do this again if anything bothers you just talk to me okay?” Tom nods in understanding “I don’t like to see you like this. You mean the world to me you know that right?”

“And so are you to me love. I promise this won't happen again” he says pulling you in his embrace.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland one shot #tom holland angst #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland imagines

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ateezmakemeweep · 4 years

Text

you’re the one that i want (part 25)

word count: 5k

fluff

(part 24) (series masterlist)

almost every summer of your life, you spent at the beach.

and while you loved it each and every year, a place that served as a safe space you always so desperately needed, a part of you also knew it wasn’t a choice.

you came here because your parents sent you, because they didn’t want you with them and you didn’t have anywhere else to go.

you’d spent those years feeling completely unwanted and terrified of everyone and everything; thinking at any given moment, someone was gonna hurt you. that no one cared about your thoughts or feelings or even your existence.

and you’d grown used to that mentality for so long. you were sad and hurt and just living day to day with that knowledge because what else could you do?

but now, you don’t even get the chance to think like that. because you have so many people around you as a reminder that you’re not alone anymore.

you have your aunt who, from day one, you always knew was there for you.

you have yunho and san who served as the people who were patient and caring from the second they met you, made you feel at ease when you were so obviously uncomfortable in a new environment.

you have hongjoong and jongho who always make you smile and laugh despite whatever mood you’re in.

you have wooyoung, mingi and yeosang who, while you might’ve gotten off to a bumpy start, have proved time and time again how much they care about you. how they’ll ruin anyone who tries to mess with you now and have seen the error in their ways.

you have seonghwa who, despite everything he’s done, has always loved you. made you the happiest a person could be but also maybe the lowest; though even with that, you were able to get past it.

he showed you how to love but also how to be loved, a concept you truly never experienced until him. how much power that feeling has over a person and once you see that it’s something completely pure and real, it could help heal a person.

but that’s not to say it completely healed you because you know that’s just not how it works. you still have your doubts and anxieties and some long-lasting trauma that you’ll have to work through. but he makes it easier, everyone makes it a little easier because you know they’re there to listen.

you know seonghwa could take one look at you and just know you’re having a bad day, place a kiss on your forehead and comfort you in the form of your head on his chest and his hand rubbing your back.

but for the most part, these long summer days have been amazing. even seonghwa thinks so, despite the way his friends have been staying at his house, stealing his food and giving him a headache more often than not.

“can someone please go on the ferris wheel with me!”

the loud bustling of the summer carnival truly rivaled the youngest boy’s whines, sick and tired of them all standing around and attempting to win a giant teddy bear for the past thirty minutes.

“jongho, if you ask one more time i’m gonna-”

“can someone PLEASE go on the ferris wheel with me!”

you let out a small sigh as you look at the boy, his eyes focusing right on you when he sees he finally has your attention.

“please, y/n, we’ve just been standing here. they’re never gonna win.”

“yes we will!” mingi, wooyoung and hongjoong blurt out, causing you to snort and jongho to shake his head; it takes just one more look from him, one of pure and utter devastation, for you to give him a small smile and nod.

an excited yelp leaves his mouth and he grabs your hand, fully prepared to pull you away and lead you to every ride possible. but then you stop in his hold and his head snaps back to see seonghwa’s arm wrapped around your waist, his mouth in your ear asking where you think you’re going.

“she’s coming with me!” jongho says, “we wanna go on rides, not wait around for a stupid teddy bear.”

“it’s not stupid, you’re stupid,” hongjoong snaps, eyes narrowed as he aims a dart at a purple balloon.

“seonghwa, please,” jongho whines, tightening his hold on your hand and attempting to tug you away from him. but the dirty blonde only narrows his eyes at his friend, eyes moving to see you looking at him in amusement.

“come with us,” you say sweetly, despite the way you’re being pulled, almost painfully, in two different directions.

“you know i get dizzy, baby,” he whines, a giggle leaving your mouth as you cock your head to the side.

“ah, that’s right, forgot i was dating an old man,” you quip playfully, his eyes narrowing and his hold on you tightening. he tugs you closer and your hand gets pulled out of jongho’s, the boy behind you letting out a groan as he flails in a circle.

“y/n! apologize to him, god damn it, and let’s go! seonghwa, she didn’t mean it.”

“oh, i think i did though,” you tease, the smile pulling at seonghwa’s lips making you bite down on your lip.

“you’re pushing it, you know that don’t you?”

but you only roll your eyes as you turn in his hold, lifting on your toes to peck his lips sweetly. he meets the kiss and keeps it as chaste as possible, smiling against your lips before you pull back and look at him with one of your own.

“we’re gonna go now,” you say, “are you sureee you don’t wanna come old man?”

his eyes narrow at you, about to pull you into him again when jongho, now teamed up with san, pull at your hands and charge away.

“we’re going on rides! fuck you lover boy!”

seonghwa shakes his head as he hears your parting giggle, smacking wooyoung in the back of the head when he misses the balloon for the 40th time.

“you are terrible.”

“you are terrible!” you squeal to jongho, watching as he shakes the cart of the ferris wheel and sends san screaming.

the blonde had been hesitant to go on this ride in the first place, a fear of heights that has made him have mental breakdowns at amusement parks before.

but you promised that he’d be okay, and it took a little bit of begging on the line to really convince him, just for jongho to mess it all up within the first ten seconds of being secured in.

“i’m gonna scream for wooyoung to beat you up if you don’t stop,” the blonde whines, his hand clutching onto the edge of the ride desperately.

“i’m not scared of that short little man, i could easily take him.”

“i don’t know, it’s usually the small ones that are crazy,” you reason, overlooking the calm evening sky despite the vigorous shaking beneath you.

“stop!” san yelps.“please, you little shit!” and now you can really hear the anxiety and fear cracking in the blonde’s voice.

“no more!” you scold, pinching jongho’s arm and watching his face pull into a pout. “stop! or we’re not going on anything else.”

and even though your threat was empty, because you wanted to go on more, it did the trick. you three bounced around to every and any ride you could get on, even the ones that weren’t san approved; he just shut his eyes tightly and screamed directly into your ear.

but you and the youngest had your heads thrown back in laughter, your hair zipping through the wind with your arms up in a sight seonghwa watched with a smile.

he was leant against the side of a booth, blueberry slushy in hand drowning out the sound of the boys arguing over who gets custody of the giant teddy bear.

“i was the one who popped it!”

“but we all paid for it!”

“you only popped it because we loosened it.”

“you can’t loosen a balloon dickface.”

your happy squeal rips him away from the nonsense bickering, your eyes finding his as you immediately run to him.

“you should’ve came, it was so much fun!”

“yeah?” he says, offering you a sip from his slushie. you take the straw between your lips with a smile, sucking down the sugary blueberry before pulling back.

“that’s good.”

he smiles when he sees a blue speck on your lip, wiping it off with a delicate swipe of his thumb and soft look in his eyes. he knows you have your good days and bad days, the former more often than not during these past few weeks, but he can’t help but love the good days.

when he gets to see the smile he was robbed of for the first few weeks of knowing you and then again the first few months after reuniting. but now it’s like he makes it a personal mission everyday to see it; not even for his own enjoyment but to know you’re genuinely having a good, happy day.

“your hair’s a mess,” he chuckles out, voice deep and amused as he runs his fingers through your knotty hair. but you only narrow your eyes at him and take the slushie from his hand, pecking his cheek quickly before running over to see the $100 carnival prize you eventually get custody of.

you remember how uncomfortable you felt at the first bonfire you went to, when yunho’s bright smile or hongjoong’s charisma or jongho’s funny antics did little to calm you.

you remember being scared of seonghwa, the way he watched you with emotionless eyes and nearly threw a water bottle in your hand with demands for you to take it. you had usually felt out of place but it really stuck out that night to you, watching everyone talk and laugh and bond around a crackling fire.

you never would’ve thought that, just a year later, you’d be around one of your own. laughing and giggling and kissing your boyfriend around a fire with people you felt comfortable and safe with. with people you went to, what felt like, hell and back with but came out okay.

more than okay, really.

because you watch wooyoung and san shove each other lovingly, two people who also overcame struggles in a strained relationship. you watch all of the boys with the blonde, once tumultuous and non-existent friendships that were able to blossom again.

you watch from mingi’s shoulder seonghwa and yunho play cornhole, giggling when you see that after a year, yunho’s skills with the game still haven’t quite improved - and that’s obvious in the way the four boys charge down to the ocean.

“okay, honestly, he might’ve gone worse,” you mumble to mingi, the boy scoffing lightly and pushing you off his shoulder playfully.

“leave him alone,” he whines, a soft smile on your face that causes him to roll his eyes in embarrassment. you giggle and knock your arm into him, looking around the dark beach with a sense of tranquility.

you always loved the beach at this time, that solitary part of you itching to feel the cold sand between your toes and hear the gentle lull of the waves with no one’s presence but your own.

but you wait until the boys are occupied, until mingi eventually sneaks over to yunho and defends him against everyone’s harsh insults; you also saw san and wooyoung go down to the ocean a few minutes ago, the blonde not having learned in his lesson from back in febuary.

so it’s then that you quietly sneak away, catching your boyfriend’s eye and he already knows where you’re headed off to.

you make your way to the cliff you became well acquainted with during these types of events, watching your feet in the sand before you climb your way up and shimmy toward the end.

you watch the waves crash under the bright moonlight as your pelt with memories, good and bad. how this beach marks almost every journey you and seonghwa went on together from first meeting,

“you don’t talk a lot.”

his eyebrow raises at your comment, turning to look at you and the close eye-contact causes you to sharply inhale; he smells good, like the beach and cologne.

“neither do you,” he counters, “i don’t even know your name.”

your eyebrows furrow together, turning your neck to the side as you realize you haven’t told any of them your name yet. “i thought it was seonghwa,” he finds himself saying with a smirk, your confused gaze prompting him to speak again.

“you looked back when yunho said it yesterday.”

“oh,” you giggle awkwardly, remembering turning around in your flustered state and seeing him looking at you from your front yard. “no. my name isn’t seonghwa,” you tell him before telling him your real one.

he hums at the information, eyes roaming your face before his eyebrow quirks up again.

“so, why’d you come tonight, y/n?”

to your first kiss,

“...so i’ve never done this before.”

he hears the way nerves and embarrassment seep into your voice, looking at him wide-eyed with pink cheeks and now he’s really never wanted to kiss someone more in his life.

it’s why he takes your face in his hands, his palms cupping your cheeks and causing a breathy exhale to leave your mouth. “good,” he says, his thumbs stroking your face as he leans down and presses a feather light kiss to your lips.

it feels almost like nothing but still shocks you, not even having the time to close your eyes before you’re looking at him again; because that was one thing you knew, you knew you weren’t supposed to kiss someone with your eyes open.

“g-good?” you squeak after a few seconds, not even sound enough to feel embarrassed by the shake and waver in your voice.

“good,” he confirms and if the look on his face and smirk on his lips didn’t make you weak enough, his next words absolutely do.

“i wanna be your first.”

to your first confessions and vulnerable moments,

“i…don’t really know why you like me,” you say with a hiccup, “you could probably be with any girl ever who’s a lot prettier and more…experienced and-”

“don’t,” seonghwa growls lowly, his thumb running over your face sweetly. “no one’s prettier than you.”

your eyes widen and you want a laugh to bubble out of you but for some reason you can’t. you can only pout and look at him with your glossy eyes, your stupid little self feeling sad and insecure all of the sudden.

“that’s a lie,” you tell him softly as you shake your head. “no one thinks that. no one ever really likes me, actually.” you wanna say that not even your own parents or classmates like you, that no one has ever looked your way and actively cared about you felt.

“i do,” seonghwa hums, his heart hurting because he hates that you feel this way. “i liked you the second i saw you.” you look up at him and feel your eyes water, the softness and sincerity in his words causing a lump to form in your throat.

to even the heavier stuff, when you really weren’t sure if you two were gonna make it this far.

“i don’t know what i want,” you admit quietly, confused because there’s the matter of trust at hand making this process incredibly daunting. but you also can’t escape the one fact you knew was true this whole time, no matter how much you didn’t want it to be because you were so sad and hurt.

“but i know that i’m still yours.”

he doesn’t think he’s ever felt the feeling that rips through his chest when you say that, an overwhelming, all consuming feeling that would’ve knocked him on his ass if he didn’t have some sort of hold on you.

he has to stop himself from completely breaking down in front of you, shaking his head and holding back a cry as he pulls you into his chest.

“you really shouldn’t be fucking saying that to me,” he mumbles against your head, his voice tight and throat constricting as he tries to keep his shit together. “i don’t deserve to hear that.”

you pull away and meet his gaze, his eyes wide and teary and full of such love you can see clear as day. you reach up with a small, sad smile and brush your hand through his hair, longer pieces of dirty blonde on the top such a contrast to the short, shaven ones he had during the summer.

“maybe not,” you say quietly, head cocking to the side as your wide eyes meet his. “but it’s how i feel.”

but you think that’s maybe why you’ve grown to love this beach town just a little bit more.

because it not only shows the story of you and him but also of you as a person. someone who came here sad and lonely and a shell of a girl but was able to blossom into someone who, for the most part, was genuinely happy and content with life.

and you never thought you’d be able to say you were happy with your life. that you felt like you belonged anywhere or with anyone because you were just always in the way.

but you see now that that’s not the case. you see that you were never the issue but your environment was. an environment your mind still drifts back to and makes your heart sink, wondering what went so wrong in your parents lives for them to act the way they do.

to never, not once, contact you or your aunt ever again to see if you were okay or adjusting well; but you try not to dwell on that. you try not to think about and dwell on things like that anymore.

because you’re in a better place and have more than enough people who care about you and-

“you have a death wish?”

your head snaps back to see seonghwa standing a few feet behind you, his tall frame looming above you as he cocks his head to the side teasingly. you can only smirk at him with pink on your cheeks, your arm reaching out for him to come over and sit next to you.

but he plops down behind you until you’re right between his legs, your back pressed against his chest and his lips mumbling into your exposed shoulder.

“you okay, baby? i saw you sneak away.”

“yeah,” you hum lowly, taking his hand in yours so you can play with his fingers absentmindedly. “i just like it up here.”

he smiles against your head, pressing a kiss to your hair lightly as he watches you intertwine your fingers together. it’s something so small but it makes him bite back a smile, remembering when you were too scared or shy to initiate things.

but he’s watched you become more confident, not only with him but in general. the way you can hold eye contact now and your voice doesn’t always have a tremor. how you’ll kiss him sweetly before running off, like the action was so natural and immediate you didn’t think anything of it.

he can only describe everything as easy; nothing is ever forced or feels fake. if you guys have problems now, you talk it out right away. you don’t throw his past mistakes in his face and he doesn’t ever push you to talk about something until you’re ready.

it’s at those moments you guys find yourselves here a lot, enjoying the usual quietness and tranquility of the dark beach. tonight, however, that’s not the case because even from this spot, you hear the distant screams and shouts coming from your crazy group of friends.

“they’re so loud,” you hum quietly, seonghwa laughing against you as he nods his head and mumbles a string of expletives.

you giggle softly and crane your neck backwards, looking at him upside down to see him already staring at you. you raise your eyebrows playfully and his deep chuckle sends your heart fluttering, his face meeting yours to place a soft peck on your nose.

you giggle and pick yourself up, turning around so you can crawl into his lap. his arms wrap around your waist as he holds you to him, tucking a stray piece of your windblown hair behind your ear.

“so...did you think about what your aunt said the other day?”

you bite down on your lip as you let out a sigh, knowing that you need to come to a decision but your heart hurting at both prospects.

because when she first mentioned you transferring to the school here, you knew it made the most sense. it was only a seven minute drive and you already would have a small group of friends, hongjoong and yunho in your class and jongho in the year below.

but then you’d have to sacrifice the school and environment you just got used to. you’d have to sacrifice your time with seonghwa and the other boys, your job at the cafe where you can’t imagine not ever working again.

because who would work with san? you can’t let the blonde work there alone again, after seeing the after-school crowds and knowing how much he loved having someone to talk to there.

but the hour commute back and forth is rather taxing, depending on the day and traffic sometimes making it longer. and you can’t help but feel bad for seonghwa and your aunt’s gas bill - both of who never allow you to pay them back.

your aunt also thought it’d be a good idea to get a fresh start - away from a town and school full of bad memories and reminders of how life used to be.

“i don’t know,” you say quietly, pulling back from seonghwa’s shoulder to meet his gaze. “i know it makes sense to and i wouldn’t mind it,” you tell him honestly, “but...i’d miss it. i’d miss working with san and seeing the other boys everyday.”

“i know, love, but you’d still see them,” he says sweetly, “they’d probably drive out every fucking weekend for you.”

you giggle softly as you shrug, wrapping your arms around his shoulders before you look at him with the smallest of pouts. “but i wouldn’t go to school with you, either. i’ll reallly miss seeing you every day.”

a low chuckle leaves his mouth before he places a firm kiss right on your lips, the way in which he does it so surely and easily still surprising you after all this time.

“like i’m not gonna stay here every night and make the drive,” he says lowly, amused that you think he’d actually go a week without seeing you.

“then i might as well keep going,” you whine, his look hardening because he’s truthfully with your aunt on this one - he thinks being away from that town littered with bad memories and trauma, some of which he himself contributed to, would be better for you.

but it’s your decision after all. it’s gonna be you going through the two years, not anyone else - not him or your aunt or your friends. all of them can only give gentle encouragement and be supportive of what ever decision you make.

“it won’t matter what you pick, we’ll be okay,” he says when you two stand up, his hand in yours as he runs a hand through your hair. “and if you’re scared about starting a new school, don’t. because you’ll have yunho and jongho and hongjoong and they’d be way too fucking excited to help you and show you around.”

“but what if i meet a mean, bad boy there?” you tease lightly, eyes glinted with amusement and a smirk pulling at your lips. “like right in homeroom or something, i don’t know.”

you watch his tongue poke into his cheek as he narrows his eyes at you, a giggle leaving your mouth as you wrap your arms around his waist.

“just kidding,” you squeal, his eyes rolling before he pulls him into you.

“not funny,” he says despite the humor laced in his voice and then his lips on yours. he slips his tongue in and you smile against him, only breaking away when you hear shouts and gags from directly below you.

“can you stop making out for five fucking seconds and play with us!”

everyone took the news of your decision to transfer schools...differently.

whereas jongho, hongjoong and yunho tackled you in a group hug and cheered in amusement, wooyoung, yeosang and mingi resembled children who just found out santa isn’t really.

seonghwa and san watched from the side, the two boys you consulted with most and eventually shared your decision with not all surprised by these reactions.

because despite how hard it was, despite how many factors you had to consider and people you couldn’t help but think about, you felt as if this was the right choice.

it was a fresh start and closer and just made more sense. even though you’d miss the familiarity of the other school and working with your best friend every day, you know it’ll be like you’re barely gone.

because seonghwa was correct in saying the boys would come every weekend to see you, the first idea coming from their mouths after their initial heartbreak and whines.

but it didn’t lessen the blow when the last day of summer did eventually come, when you sat around the pool with seonghwa and your friends and uttered dramatic goodbyes.

“it’s only an hour away,” seonghwa grumbled, watching san and wooyoung cling to you for the past fifteen minutes.

“you can say that because you’re-”

“just shut up,” seonghwa says, a sense of urgency and warning in his tone that goes unnoticed to your ears. because the whole time you say your goodbyes and hug the boys, you’re holding back tears.

tears that don’t surface until you’re back in your room with seonghwa, watching from the balcony as yeosang and mingi stick their heads out the window and wave goodbye until the car is completely out of sight.

you turn around and seonghwa’s eyes soften upon seeing your expression, wide teary eyes and lower lip threatening to wobble from holding back cries.

“baby, it’s okay,” he mumbles against your head, tightening his hold on you when you fully slump against him and let out a few quiet whimpers; because tomorrow, he’s gonna be gone too.

the feeling isn’t as gut wrenching and consuming as it was the last time you two separated like this but you still feel sad and a little scared. you still have to face a new school tomorrow, adjust to all the different teachers and classmates while also getting used to not having your familiar circle of people.

you’re not gonna see him everyday when you first wake up, fall asleep to him kissing your head or the sound of his heartbeat against your ear.

“maybe it’ll be good,” seonghwa mumbles against your head, the two of you now laying in your bed under the covers. “maybe you’ll like getting a break from me.”

“no,” you immediately whine against him, a small smile on his face as you push yourself up and straddle his waist. your fingers trail down naked his chest, making figure eights on his abs in a way that makes him groan lowly.

“why?” you ask, cocking your head to the side with a pout on your face. “will you like the break from me?”

“fuck no,” seonghwa growls out, grabbing your hips roughly so he can put you on your back. “i’ll be surprised if i make two weeks before transferring.”

you didn’t even have time to think about that being a possibility before his mouth is on yours and he’s sucking hickies into your neck. trails his lips down your stomach until he’s slipping off your shorts and you’re moaning into the crease of your elbow.

moans that turn to muffled cries into one another’s mouths, his cock steadily fucking into you until you both come in unison. your sweaty bodies and labored breathing fill the room, you on your back and seonghwa making his way into the bathroom to get a warm rag.

you hum at the feeling of it between your legs before you’re back in his arms, your head buried in his chest as you fall asleep to the sound of his deep “i love you.”

the same one that wakes you at five a.m., his hand softly running through your hair as your eyes fluttered open.

“i gotta go, baby,” is all he says. but it immediately makes you frown and bury yourself further into him, mumble words he can’t quite make out besides little whines of “no.”

but you do eventually pry yourself off of him, after he presses soft kisses on every bit of your face until your nose is scrunching and you’re pushing him away from you playfully.

“okay, okay,” you whine, morning grogginess still in your voice and on your face. “please call me when you get home.”

“of course, baby, how ‘bout i come back after school? to see how your first day went?”

“mm it’s okay,” you mumble tiredly, knowing you have an hour and a half left before you have to get up and get ready. “just stay till i fall back asleep, please.”

and that tiny, whiney request almost makes him wanna drop the act entirely. but he sees your heavy eyes already threatening to shut and shakes his head, waiting until your breaths even to peck your cheek and he sneaks out of your room.

you wake later to the sound of yunho’s voice, his head peeking in your room before a sigh leaves his mouth.

“y/n! we have to leave in twenty minutes!”

he watches, and is totally not helpful, as you rush around your room to get ready quickly, his head thrown back in laughter in a way that makes you smack his arm lightly.

but you all eventually get there with a few minutes to spare, the boys walking you through your schedule and introducing you to a few more people they’re friendly with.

“everyone’s really nice,” hongjoong tells you, hoping to ease your obvious anxiety. “you’re gonna think it’s suspicious but they’re all genuinely pretty good.”

“okay that makes me feel better,” you say with a smile, the five minute warning bell making your eyes widen and stomach knot even more. “oh no.”

“it’s fine,” yunho smiles softly, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into him. “i’ll walk you to homeroom, c’mon.”

he guides you through the halls until you’re standing in a doorway, the teacher in the front of the room greeting you with a small smile and saying hi to yunho.

“this is my friend, y/n. she’s new and a little nervous so please be extra nice to her.”

the teacher rolls her eyes as she waves yunho off, warning him that he’s gonna be late just as the bell rings; she doesn’t even say a word as she walks over and grabs him a late pass, shoving it in his hand before telling him to move his ass.

“so, y/n, was it?” she asks, looking over the paper in her hand with a curious gaze. “that’s funny, we were supposed to have two new students.”

your eyebrow raises at her statement and you think maybe you could befriend them. they’re probably just as scared as you, if not more because they don’t anyone at all.

you think that would be nice, having another friend to get to know and help feel as ease and-

“oh, are you the other new student?” you hear the teacher ask, hearing footsteps slowly come up from behind you.

there’s a few beats of silence before chatter erupts from students, quiet mumbles about how he looks familiar and they’ve all definitely seen him before.

“yeah,” you hear the boy say and you immediately whip around at the deep voice you know so well, the handsome face that woke you this morning looking at you with soft eyes full of amusement.

“i’m seonghwa.”

you can’t even hear the teacher welcome him or tell the other students to settle down, biting back a smile at the the way he so cockily and teasingly mouths ‘hi baby.”

complete

tag list: @chogiout ; @psshwa ; @yeocult ; @seongghwaa; @cherryeonii ; @chaoticbanqtan ; @8teenee ; @nczenniez ; @atinyarmyx1 ; @mingtopiaa ; @chubsluda ; @joongiebug ; @mochibabycakes ; @jisungity ; @skz-on-my-mind ; @nlost21 ; @myonlyaurora ; @closer-stars ; @kuaenam3g ; @byungaji ; @floweryjh ; @joeycheungg ; @lostscenarios ; @atinyxtopia ; @sanisms ; @kpopnightingale ; @simpforhyunjin ; @89staytinyzen21 ; @lokicaramel ; @hwaxbum ; @sakura-uji ; @songsoomin ; @toffee-hwa ; @deobitiful ; @hyunjeansuniverse ; @chrryhwa ; @i-know-you-know-lee-know ; @tiny-whatsername ; @fairieofeternity ; @yixing-jaehyun ; @sleepyseonghwa ; @revehosh ; @atletino ; @yeol-wish ; @cxcxlxlee ;

#srry!! some of the flashbacks got messed up #and shes donee! :(#kind of sad but tysm to everyone who read!! <3 #seonghwa #seonghwa fluff #ateez #ateez fluff #seonghwa scenarios #ateez scenarios #seonghwa imagines #ateez imagines

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mydogisveryadorbs · 4 years

Text

blue ain't your color | jj maybank

masterlist

summary: song fic based on blue ain’t your color by keith urban.

warnings: mentions of mentally and physically abusive relationships, underage drinking, mentions of drugs, angst, fluff, v soft jj

PSA: this is not in any way meant to idealize or romanticize abusive relationships. if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please get help. below are some resources and learning tools.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799 – 7233

Love is Respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331 – 9474

more hot lines and info: https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/

learn more: https://www.thehotline.org/psa/

lyrics in bold

3.8k+ words

✰⋆✰⋆✰⋆✰

I can see you over there

Starring at your drink

Watchin' that ice sink

All alone tonight

You look down at your drink, moving the straw in a circular motion causing the ice to swirl around creating a small tornado.

Glancing at the time on your phone, you realize you've been waiting here for almost two hours.

Your boyfriend was supposed to meet you at Topper’s party at 9. In the first thirty minutes, you weren't surprised. Liam, your kook boyfriend of 10 months, was late for almost everything, so this didn't come as a shock to you.

When the one hour mark hit you were honestly quite worried. What if he was in an accident? What if he got jumped? Maybe your thoughts were most likely irrational, but you couldn't help but worry about your boyfriend.

One hour later, you had gotten past the worrying stage. Now you were simply angry, no, furious at him. Had he stood you up? Did he forget about you? These thoughts were definitely more rational. It wouldn't be the first time Liam stood you up, but you would make sure it was the last.

At the beginning of your relationship, everything had been sunshine and butterflies. About two months in, however, he asked you to stop seeing your friends.

You see you were a born and raised pogue. Your dad was a close friend of Big John so you had practically grown up with John B, JJ, and Pope, in more recent years becoming close friends with Kiara.

At first, it was little things. Liam would get upset if you left to hang out with the pogues instead of him. Then one day, he asked you to stop seeing them all together. You, of course, retaliated, telling him that you would never leave your friends. But Liam had a way with words, and not a good way. He told you for months that your friends would never love you and that you were lucky that he had even taken pity on you. Slowly, you started to believe him. You stopped seeing the pogues, pushing everyone who truly loved you out of your life.

Liam became more and more distant as the months went on. He would leave you almost every night to drink and party, not even bothering to let you know where he was headed. The two of you had been fighting nonstop for several weeks. It had gotten physical only a few times and the next morning he would apologize profusely, so you stayed.

Seeing him walk in with two girls wrapped around his waist, nearly two and a half hours late, was the last straw for you.

Grabbing your purse, you walked up to Liam, who's eyes widened with the realization the moment he saw you.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he says, slightly slurring his words as his arms still holding the two skinny blondes at his sides, “It's not what it looks like.” You can see his red-rimmed eyes and dilated pupils, telling you that he was coked out.

You roll your eyes, knowing that this was it for you. “Really, Liam,” you snap back, “‘Cause it looks like we are done here.”

Liam’s eyes widen in shock, never having seen you lash out like this before. He shakes it off and his expression quickly contorts into one of disgust. “Okay,” he says with a shrug, “Good luck finding someone else to take pity on a whore like you, dirty pogue.” He walks away with the two girls, leaving you in shock.

It takes a moment for you to realize that you had just ended this almost one-year relationship.

The first emotion you feel is one of freedom and relief. No more would you have to be held down by this weight of not being able to do and say what you want.

That feeling slowly dissipates as the feeling of dread starts to overcome it. You had pushed away all of your friends for this boy who had let you go like you were nothing to him. Maybe you were nothing.

You walk back to the bar area, grabbing another drink, feeling the need to drown away your sorrows.

And chances are

You're sittin' here in this bar

'Cause he ain't gonna treat you right

JJ Maybank hated kook parties with a passion.

Thankfully he hadn't had the opportunity to attend too many of them in his lifetime. But now that John B was macking on Sarah Cameron, it wasn't uncommon for the blonde boy to get dragged along to one of these events.

John B had left JJ to fend for himself as soon as they had arrived at the party, slipping off somewhere to find Sarah. JJ looked around the extravagant home that belonged to one of his enemies, Topper Thornton. His ring clad fingers fiddled with an expensive-looking vase, trying to find the perfect moment to snag it and slip away.

JJ’s eyes filtered through the crowd when they landed on something, or rather someone, that he had least expected to see.

His hand slipped from the vase, letting his gaze drink you in. You definitely looked different. Your once long hair was now cut just below your shoulders and your typical style of denim shorts and a cropped shirt was exchanged for a lavish-looking dress and sparkly stilettos.

JJ admits that he probably wouldn't have recognized you if he hadn't spent so many years unable to take his eyes off of you whenever the pogues were together.

The boy had loved his life long best friend since the day she clocked a boy in the face for making fun of JJ’s worn-out clothes. They were seven. In addition to being the day JJ had met (Y/N) and John B, it was also the day he fell in love with the (Y/E/C) eyed girl.

When you started dating your kook boyfriend at the beginning of your junior year, JJ was initially devastated. He soon brought himself to realize, however, that a lowlife like him would never be able to deserve someone as beautiful and kind-hearted as you. His thoughts were confirmed when you abruptly stopped hanging around the pogues and him. You were too good for him. The blonde boy had no idea of the pain that Liam had caused you in the past ten months.

Now looking at you, JJ could see that you were upset. He had gotten really good at analyzing your body language over the many years of being your best friend.

All thoughts of stealing the vase flew out of his mind as his feet started in your direction.

Well, it's probably not my place

But I'm gonna say it anyway

'Cause you look like

You haven't felt the fire

Had a little fun

Hadn't had a smile in a little while

You felt a figure move to sit in the bar stool chair next to you, but you choose to ignore whoever it is, not particularly feeling up to socializing with a contemptuous kook after what you just went through.

The figure didn't move after a few minutes so you turn to look at them with a glare in your eyes, ready to snap at them and ask them to leave you alone. Your gaze immediately softens as you realize the person next to you is in fact the last person you would ever expect to see at a party like this, JJ Maybank.

Tears begin to prick at your eyes as you continue to stare at the side profile of the blonde boy who hasn't yet turned to face you.

Everything you had done so well to hide over the last ten years of knowing and loving him comes rushing back. Your love for the boy next to you consumes every fiber of your being.

A lone tear falls down your cheek as you begin to curse yourself and Liam. How did I let him control me into giving this up? This feeling?

Blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall

But darling, it don't match your eyes

JJ finally turns his head to look at you and feels his entire resolve crumble. You were crying. The sight nearly breaks his heart in two.

His eyes lock with yours and he can see the pain and heartache swirling within them.

“What did he do to you,” JJ mutters, letting his eyes roam the crowd for the boy he despises most in the world. Almost a year of suppressed anger starts to bubble up to the surface.

“JJ,” you whimper.

The sadness and hopelessness in your voice makes every ounce of anger in him evaporate as he turns his head to look at you again. The look in your eyes tells him that the kook boy had hurt you worse than he ever knew.

JJ wants nothing more than to pull you into his arms and never let anything else in the world harm you. His hands itch to wipe the tears off your face and pull your head to his chest.

However, JJ also wants you to be as comfortable as possible and he's not sure if you're ready for the amount of love he has to give you just yet.

You surprise the blonde boy by reaching out to your arms out to him. The blonde wastes no time in standing up and pulling your body flush to his chest.

Everyone else in the world disappears as the two of you clutch each other with all you have. Both of you realize how much you had missed the comfort of each other's embrace.

You're not sure how long you stand there like that, face nuzzled into JJ’s shoulder as the boy strokes your hair comfortingly.

“I'm sorry,” you mumble into his shirt, not willing to pull away from the warmth he radiates.

JJ’s eyebrows draw together in confusion as he pulls away enough to look down at you. “What do you mean,” he asks with a softness in his voice that is reserved for you only, gently lifting your chin so that you are looking into his beautiful cerulean eyes.

You sniffle. “I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for breaking down in front of you. I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. But most of all, I'm sorry for ever believing that I could live without you. I-I mean if it weren't for you I don't know what I would do. I understand if you don't want to talk to-” your ramble is suddenly cut off by JJ pressing his lips to yours.

The boy knows that this is probably not the best time to confess his feelings towards you, but he can't watch you talk down about yourself like that anymore. Do you not know how much he adores you?

The kiss is soft and passionate. JJ can taste your salty tears on his slightly chapped lips as they work against yours. Both of you poor every ounce of emotion you have into the kiss.

JJ reluctantly pulls away when the two of you run out of air, placing his forehead delicately on yours as your arms wrap around his neck.

I'm tellin' you

You don't need that guy

It's so black and white

He's stealin' your thunder

Baby, blue ain't your color

Both of you pant as you look into each other's eyes. “I've wanted to do that for so long,” JJ says, as the smile you cherish so much graces his features.

“Really?” you ask and JJ can hear the vulnerability in your voice. What did that shithead do to you to make you so insecure?

“You have no idea, baby,” he says, tenderly kissing away the tear that has slipped out of your eye and onto your cheek.

Not having the words to express how you feel about the boy in front of you, you pull his head back down, kissing him so sweetly that it makes his knees buckle.

“JJ,” you whisper as you pull away, but you never get to finish your statement because you are suddenly ripped out of his embrace.

“You fucking whore,” Liam seethes at you taking a stride towards you and you instinctively take a step back. “You break up with me and two minutes later you've moved onto another guy. Slut.” His words cut you deep and you know by the tone of his voice that a punch to the gut or a slap to the face is coming. Liam raises his hand and you brace yourself for impact, but it never comes.

The sound of yelling fills your senses and you open your eyes to see JJ punching Liam in the face repeatedly. You are frozen as you watch the scene in front of you.

“JJ,” you hear John B yell, turning to look at him, “You're gonna kill him.”

Your eyes widen in realization at his words and you take a step forward.

“JJ,” you call, but your voice is drowned out by the sound of everyone yelling around you. You clear your throat and try again, louder. “JJ.”

This time JJ stops mid punch, turning to look at you. Fear fills your body when you see that his wide, normally baby blue eyes are nearly black.

His gaze softens as he takes in your anxious look.

JJ steps away from the beat-up boy and you see a few of his friends pull Liam’s limp body away. You lock your eyes back to JJ’s and he takes a careful step towards you causing you to involuntarily flinch back slightly.

I'm not tryna

Be another just

Pick you up

Kinda guy

Tryna drink you up

Tryna take you home

He wants to cry out at the sight. Don't you know that he would rather die than ever hurt you?

You do know this, and you're not afraid of the boy in the slightest, but the last five minutes have put you on edge.

Seeing the broken look in the blonde’s eyes, you take quick steps toward his body, wrapping him in your embrace. He melts into your arms, allowing his face to nuzzle into the crook of your neck.

The crowd that had formed around the fight disperses, realizing the show is over.

“(Y/N).” The sound of your name being called pulls your attention away from the sweet boy in your arms.

You pull away from JJ slightly, still keeping an arm around his bicep.

Looking over, you see John B standing to the side with Sarah Cameron. You had heard about the two of them getting together and you suddenly realize why JJ happened to be at this party.

The sadness in John B’s eyes as he looks at you breaks your heart. The two of you have been like sister and brother your whole lives and, besides JJ, he was the hardest for you to stop talking to.

You feel JJ’s grip on you loosen, urging you to go to John. The two of you walk towards each other and John B pulls you into his arms.

“I missed you, (Y/N/N),” he says unto your hair, “So much.”

You smile, tears softly rolling down your cheeks. “I missed you too, JB,” you say, pulling away to look at JJ who looks back with a sad smile on his face.

But I just don't understand

How another man

Can take your sun

And turn it ice cold

The four of you decided it was best to leave. John B dropped Sarah off at her house and drove the three of you back to the Chateau. Your stomach drops at the sight of the small shack.

JJ notices your facial expression, placing his hand softly on top of yours. “You okay?” he asks gently as John B parks the van.

You nod with a small smile and JJ helps you out of the van, holding your hand as he leads you to the porch. You stop walking, causing the two boys to turn around and look at you.

“I'm sorry,” you say, tears pooling in your eyes again. JJ gives you a knowing look. “(Y/N),” he says, almost sternly.

“No,” you say, wiping your eyes, “Let me talk.” JJ nods and John B looks at you expectantly. “I left you. Both of you. I- Liam, he just made me feel so useless and I didn't want to be a bother to you guys anymore.”

JJ lets out a sound, almost like a growl, and pulls you into a hug. “You are not useless, (Y/N),” he says seriously, “You are so important, to both of us, and we missed you so much.”

You nod into his chest as John B comes to wrap his arms around both of you.

The three of you group hug and you sigh contently, happy to be back with your boys.

Well, I've had enough to drink

And it's makin'

Me think that I just might

Tell you if I were a painter I wouldn't change ya

I'd just paint you bright

John B helps JJ set up the pull out while you change into a pair of John B’s sweats and JJ’s t-shirt. John B says goodnight and goes to “hit the hay” as he puts it, leaving you and JJ alone again.

“I'll sleep on the other couch and you can take the bed,” he says sweetly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

The two of you settle into your “beds”, but you can't seem to fall asleep with so many thoughts running through your mind.

Everything that has happened since you left the pogues seems like one big sad blur. Your mind wanders to JJ. What does this mean for you two?

“(Y/N),” the voice you love so much calls. You hum in response. “You ‘wake?” he asks. You sit up in the pullout shaking your head.

“Can't sleep,” you say, rubbing your eyes.

JJ sits up as well. “M’sorry, baby,” the nickname makes your heart flutter.

You open your arms for the boy who looks at you warily. “Are you sure, (Y/N),” he asks. You nod quickly and he stands up, falling into the pullout and wrapping you into his arms. He tucks your head under his chin, pulling you closer.

“JJ,” you ask.

It's his turn to hum in response. “This may be weird for you, but I feel like I just have to say it,” you tell him. JJ pulls back just enough to look into your eyes. He's worried about what you are going to say but tries to hide it for your sake. “I love you, J.”

JJ smiles, leaning down to nuzzle his nose with yours in an Eskimo kiss. “I love you too,” he says sincerely, but you're afraid he doesn't understand what you mean.

“No, J,” you say, looking away from his eyes, “I love you. Like, I'm in love with you.”

The blonde boy only smiles bigger. He leans down pressing a passionate kiss to your lips, pulling away when you run out of air. JJ trails sweet kisses down your jaw and neck before placing one last kiss on your lips.

“I'm in love with you too (Y/N),” he says kissing your forehead. JJ wonders how he went so long without being able to kiss you and hold you. Even after only confessing a few hours ago, it feels so natural to have you in his arms. The thought of not having you makes his heart ache.

“I have to ask you something, but you can say no and it won't change anything and I understand that this is hard because of everything that just happened,” JJ rambles. You kiss his jaw softly, urging him to continue. “Will you be mine. Ya know. Like my girlfriend, or whatever.”

You smile wide. “Of course I'll be yours, J.”

JJ copies your smile leaning down to press another kiss to your lips.

He pulls away, snuggling into you, and the both of you bask in the feeling of being in each other's arms. Your hand reaches up to play with JJ’s hair as your eyes start to droop.

“Love ya, pretty girl.”

“Love you too, J.”

'Cause blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall

But darling, it don't match your eyes

You are sitting down on a beach towel, watching the sun slowly fall into the ocean, lighting the sky with a beautiful rainbow of colors. Your feet are outstretched in front of you and your hands prop you up behind your back. The Outer Banks heat is making your skin warm, but you don't mind, letting the steadily depleting sun hit your skin.

You watch as JJ catches another wave, surfing it perfectly. You giggle as he raises his hand in a fist, clapping for him.

It's been two weeks since you finally ended things with Liam. You were able to mend things with the rest of the pogues and Kiara and Pope welcomed you back with open arms. Things with JJ have been going amazing. The two of you agreed to take things slowly seeing as you were just getting out of a toxic relationship. It was different to finally be in a place with JJ where you weren't afraid to show him and tell him how you feel, but you loved it.

JJ runs towards you, gripping his board in one hand as the other pushes back his blonde locks.

When he gets to your towel, JJ throws down his board and plops down next to you, pulling you into a sweet hug.

You giggle. “You're all wet, J,” you say, not making any move to get out of his warm embrace. The boy peppers your face with soft kisses causing you to giggle even more.

A few minutes later you are seated in between JJ’s legs and he has his strong arms wrapped around your waist, his head nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

“I love you, J,” you say, still watching the sunset.

“I love you too, pretty girl,” JJ says kissing your neck. He begins humming the tune to a song you recognize.

“Blue ain't your color, umm mm,” he sings, “No, no baby, come here baby, let me light up your world.”

✰⋆✰⋆✰⋆✰

420 notes · View notes

nightshade-minho · 4 years

Text

-Nightmare- (10)

Warnings: Um, like always, get tissues ready, I guess.

He hated this.

Being in the same room as five other people, three of which he hated, wasn’t how he wanted his evening to go. He wanted to be home with you, watching movies and cuddling under about ten blankets. He regretted ever going to that party and meeting the insufferable redhead. God, he couldn’t believe he’d fucked up this bad.

Even now, as he ate dinner, he tuned out the conversation around him. From time to time, he would glance up at Rina, jaw clenched, hate coursing through him.

It was her fault. Right? It had to be.

Whatever. He just had to get through this dinner, and then he’d be able to go home with you. And...maybe, maybe he would confess to you. It was scary to think about...he could feel his heart thumping, and his palms were sweaty. But he knew it was what he had to do. You probably didn’t like him back...but he couldn’t keep it in. He’d kept his feelings locked in for so many years, and now that they were finally out, he couldn’t reel them back in. He felt like an emotional wreck.

He didn’t care if you didn’t feel the same. Seeing you with the necklace around your neck had only solidified what he already knew- you were meant to be his, and he would do anything to make sure that would happen.

When Rina had accused you of changing him, that was the last straw.

Fuck Rina. He probably shouldn’t have snapped at her like that, but he couldn’t help it. He made his way to the bathroom, not wanting to be in the same room as her anymore.

Splashing water on his face, he wiped it clean and sighed, running his hands through his hair. He couldn’t wait to get out of here, couldn’t wait for this to be over.

As soon as he stepped out of the door though, he was met with her face, uncomfortably close to his as she caged him against the doorway, expression furious.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m really not having it.”

“My problem is you. Why the fuck can’t you just leave me alone?” He snapped.

“I know you’re not dating her. I know it. I tried giving you the benefit of the doubt but...it’s so hard. I almost believed it at first...but now, it’s just so laughable. You two, trying to fool everyone into thinking that you’re dating. It’s pathetic.” She spat.

He remained silent.

“What I wanna know is why you left. Is there something wrong with me? Am I unfuckable or something?” Her voice quivered a little, a sprinkle of vulnerability before it regained its usual confidence. “There were millions of guys falling over themselves to want me, to fuck me that night.. Have you ever paused to consider how it would have affected my reputation? You running out of the room just minutes after we entered together?”

“Look, Rina...you’re being unreasonable-”

His brain almost short-circuited when he felt her lips on his. He was consumed with the need to push her away...the acute awareness that you were in the other room.

But for some reason...he couldn’t. He was tired of the game they were playing. Maybe if he just gave her what she wanted, she’d finally stop. She’d stop bothering you two, and he could live his life with you in peace.

So he kissed her back. She pulled away after a few seconds, panting and looking at him with shining eyes. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

He shook his head, eyes widening. “My girlfriend’s literally in the other room-”

She scoffed. “Seriously, Minho, drop the act. I know you two are in a fake relationship. You make it blindingly obvious.” She stares curiously up at him. “Do you...actually like her?”

Minho didn’t say anything, averting his eyes and trying to breathe normally.

She let out an incredulous snort. “Jesus...you’re such a cretin. That bitch doesn’t like you back, you do know that, right?”

“I...”

She pulled away completely, grabbing his wrist and pulling him forward a little bit, peeking around the wall. Minho felt the dread rising in him as she did so, his throat going dry. His eyes took in Juyeon and you on the couch, him leaning closer to you, his hand on your inner thigh. He couldn’t see your expression as your back was facing him, but he’d seen enough. He felt anger pulsing in him as he looked away, scowling.

He hated the way his legs and fingers felt shaky. There it was again, that weakness you caused. He’d been prepared to submit, prepared to accept the weakness as a part of him...but you clearly didn’t feel the same way. So what was the point?

He grabbed Rina, dragging her to the side and whispering in her ear. He’d had enough.

“Where’s that asshole’s bedroom? I wanna fuck you on his bed.”

She grinned, pulling him in for another kiss as she led him to the bedroom, pushing him onto the bed and straddling his lap.

Somehow, Minho didn’t feel anything, not even arousal, as she moved her hips against him, unbuttoning his shirt rapidly. He felt blank, vapid...his body moving as if it were a robot.

Even as he kissed her furiously, he could feel his actions fueled by his frustration and anger. How he wished you were the one on his lap right now...but you’d made it increasingly clear that you didn’t want him in that way. He could make peace with that.

“Fuck you.”

As soon your shaky voice hit his ears, he pulled away like lightning, his eyes landing on your face. The shocked, devastated expression on your face breaking his heart.

Before he could even say anything, you ripped off the necklace, throwing it at him and running away.

He felt tears prick his eyes. That expression on your face...it was now etched in his brain, the memory of it making him nauseous. Why did you look so horrified, so heartbroken? You didn’t like him, so why were you so angry, so sad? The implications of it scared him. What if...

He pushed Rina aside, bending down to pick up the chain, his eyes filling with tears. It wasn’t broken, thankfully. He tucked it into his pocket, turning to the girl on the bed, who was glaring up at him.

“Are you really walking out, again? You do realize-”

“Shut up. I’m done with you. Do whatever you want, I don’t fucking care, okay? I’ve hurt the person who means the most to me multiple times, and you’re to be blamed for some of it. I know I’m the one at fault...and I also know I would have never recognized my love for her if you hadn’t thrown your little tantrum, and forced us into this fake relationship. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from all this, it’s that my feelings for her definitely aren’t fake.” He rambled, breathing hard. For some reason, her dumbstruck expression gave him a weird sense of satisfaction.

He ran out of the room, walking to the door as fast as he could and trying his best to avoid Juyeon’s eyes.

***

Minho found you walking down the street. Your back was to him, but he could almost sense the hurt in the way you walked. His heart ached, especially because he knew he was the reason you looked so defeated. He opened his mouth to call out...but he couldn’t.

You deserved so much better.

He inhaled again, working up his courage.

“Y/n!”

You stopped in your tracks, slowly turning around at the sound of his voice. He walked closer, sighing and running a hand through his drenched hair. “Y/n...please...”

“What?” You snapped, crossing your arms. “What could you possibly have to say to me?”

“I...um, I’m s-”

“No.” You scoffed, holding your palm up. “Don’t you dare apologize. You’ve done enough of that.”

He tilted his head to the side, his sadness slowly transforming into anger.

Actually, why was he apologizing? What right did you have to pretend like you were the victim here? You had no idea about his feelings. You didn’t know what he was going through. You were the one who’d started it, flirting with Juyeon.

“Why the fuck should I be the one to apologize?!”

Your eyes widened. “Wha...Minho, you were literally making out with the girl who wants to send you to jail just a few minutes ago! It was just...irresponsible.” In all honesty, you could care less about the immaturity of the action. You couldn’t tell him the real reason after all, could you? That you were jealous.

“Do you ever not think with your dick?” You asked, feeling your emotions burn. “You know...they were right. You are just a fuckboy without any substance.”

The words hit him like a knife. He opened his mouth, closing it as he felt his heart burn at the words, partly because somewhere deep down...he was scared they might be true.

He felt his anger boil over as he took the necklace out from his pocket. “You know what, Y/n? It’s true, what you said in the letter. This friendship was a mistake, after all. I wish I’d never fucking met you, never wasted all these years on someone as boring and mundane as you!” He threw the necklace on the ground, swallowing. The slightest streak of hesitation ran through him, his inner voice telling him to stop and think...before he shook his head, snapping out of it and crushing it under his shoe.

You let out a small gasp, swallowing your tears as you stared at his feet.

“I knew we’d be breaking up tonight. I just never thought it’d happen this way.” He whispered. He was glad for the rain right then, thankful that they were masking the tears running down his face. He hated the lies he’d just spewed.

You paused, hiccuping as you felt fresh tears run down your cheeks. You were sure you looked like a raccoon, mascara dripping down your face.

“Minho...you were right. I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry.” You took a deep breath. “Sorry I ever fell in love with you.” You choked out, lips quivering as you watched his face slowly twisting with shock. You turned around, not wanting to see it anymore, walking away from him as fast as you could, your heart pounding and legs shaking.

Your dress was sticking to your body and your hair was plastered to your head. The cold rain was making you shake, wishing you’d brought a jacket. Your heart felt colder, though.

They say confessions in the rain are supposed to be romantic. This felt anything but.

***

You cried into your pillow once you reached home, feeling empty. You were a muddle of emotions, your entire body still wet from the rain.

He didn’t even run after you. Didn’t even care.

Then again, what reason did you have to be angry? He wasn’t really your boyfriend. But...you also had to accept that he wasn’t your best friend anymore. It had come straight out of his mouth.

Your best friend had disappeared a few years ago. The guy you lived with now wasn’t that Minho, wasn’t the Minho who gave you the necklace, the one who cared about you. He was different. Maybe he did belong with Rina.

At least, did this mean that Rina wasn’t pissed at him anymore? You were glad that he wouldn’t have to go to jail, at least. You didn’t hate him that much...no, quite the opposite. You still fucking loved him. And you hated yourself for that.

By the time you felt the drowsiness settle in, the sun rays were already poking through the curtains.

***

Minho felt like he’d just been struck with a hammer. The sound of thunder was all he could hear apart from your words repeating themselves over and over in his head.

You fell in love with him.

When? How? Why?

He couldn’t comprehend it. He’d watched dumbly as you left, even after you became a dot in the distance. It had felt like he was rooted to the spot, his legs having lost the ability to walk and his brain, the ability to think.

He ran his fingers through his wet hair as it slowly dawned on him. The realization that he hadn’t been alone in pining for his best friend, that you’d also been going through the same thing as him. You were in love with him…

He let out a shaky sob as he realized just how badly he’d fucked up.

***

The sound of the doorbell ringing woke you up. It was still pretty early in the morning, and you groaned as you dragged yourself out of bed, having had only 3 hours of sleep.

You hated your heart for hoping it was Minho, coming to apologize…even though you knew an apology wouldn’t be enough for you to forgive him. It was hard…but you had to stay away from him. You needed space, time to think. Seeing his face so soon would be too raw to handle. You’d forgive him immediately, even if he said nothing. And he didn’t deserve to be forgiven.

It still disappointed you when you opened the door to see Juyeon standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“What are you doing here?”

He pressed his lips into a thin line. “I just…wanted to say I’m sorry. And after what happened, I wanted to comfort you.”

You nodded expressionlessly, trying not to show how broken you were. You wanted to be strong.

He tilted his head, and the look of sympathy on his face made you want to cry even more.

“Can I…come in?”

When you remained silent, he quickly cleared his throat. “I mean…I just want to explain.”

You thought for a moment and shrugged, stepping aside as you went back in, sitting on the couch. He came inside, hesitantly sitting next to you.

“Look…I have a few things to admit. First off…I like you.”

Your eyes widened. Yeah, he flirted with you…but you didn’t know he actually had feelings.

“Rina-“

He shook his head, interrupting you.

“Rina and I aren’t together. We’re literally cousins. Everyone on campus knows that.”

You wrinkled your nose. They were? “Um, ew. Then why did-“

”She doesn’t talk to me much. Just a week ago, she approached me telling me about the whole situation, about Minho running away and humiliating her. I’d already kind of heard about it, but the way she was talking about it painted him in a much more vindictive light, you know? And then she told me about how she thought that maybe you two were faking your relationship. Which I found pretty absurd at first, but I quickly realized it could be the truth.”

He took a deep breath, glancing at you to make sure you were still listening before looking back at his hands, folded in his lap.

“She knew I had a tiny crush on you. So, she made me help her carry out her plan to get you two to break up, saying that she’d be able to get you to like me.”

He looked up at you, his eyes sad. “It was wrong of me to help her. She’s just deranged and obsessed with her ‘reputation’. I understand if you never want anything to do with me ever again. I just have one question.”

He looked at you, asking for permission. You nodded, signaling him to go ahead.

“Do you actually like him? Like, as more than a best friend?”

You paused, trying not to let the tears spill as you nodded. He sucked in a sharp breath, nodding with his lips tightly pressed together.

“Oh.”

You rubbed at your eyes, turning to face him completely. “Look, Juyeon…what you two did was pretty messed up. I never thought one person could be so petty to the extent of wanting to send someone to jail just because they refused to have sex with them, but here we are. A series of mistakes and misunderstandings are what got us here…but, whatever.” You scoffed.

“I’m sick and tired of all this. I don’t like Minho anymore.” Lie. “It isn’t just this situation that changed my mind…Minho changed way before Rina stepped into the scene. And..I think this was just a wake up call, letting me know that he’s no longer the person I thought he was.”

Juyeon took your hand, holding it gently. “You…you deserve better.”

You shrugged again, avoiding eye contact. There was silence for a few minutes.

“Y/n…?”

“Hm?”

“Give me just one chance, please? A chance to show you I can make you happy?” He asked, biting his lip as he looked at you hopefully.

You paused as you observed his face. Juyeon was…actually quite good looking. And besides assisting Rina in her shenanigans, he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. He’d always been kind to you. Your mind was screaming at you, telling you this was a bad idea…that you didn’t have feelings for him, that you were still not over Minho...but the word already came out of your mouth before you could stop it.

“Okay.” You squeezed his hand.

***

Minho woke up with a yawn. The first thing he noticed was how the bed he was in definitely wasn’t his. He was used to this kind of situation, but usually there’d be a naked girl sleeping next to him. This time, though, the bed was empty.

He got out of bed, heading for the door and seeing Chan sat at the breakfast table.

“Oh, good. You’re up. Breakfast?”

He shook his head, groaning as last night’s memories came flooding back. Your disturbed expression when you caught him with Rina, your tears as you confessed, the broken necklace.

He’d picked it up after you left. It was ruined, the little diamonds chipped and the clef cracked. He’d put it in his pocket, going to his car and driving straight to Chan’s. After what you’d said, he’d thought it would be better to give you some space.

“How long will you be staying here?”

“A while. I just don’t think I can face her again after yesterday.” He mumbled.

Chan nodded understandingly. The first thing Minho had done when he reached Chan’s place was cry, telling him the whole story from beginning to end. He’d felt slightly better after letting it all out.

“You know, you should get your clothes. I don’t have enough spare ones.” He chuckled, turning to look back at his plate.

“Oh fuck..I don’t think I wanna see her again so soon…”

“Just for a few minutes. You need your stuff after all.”

“I can’t just talk to her so soon! How can I act nonchalant and aloof when she confessed to me the other night? When we both hurt each other?”

Chan shrugged. “Hmm, you’re right. Fine, then. I’ll go get your stuff, and also inform her that you’re going to be staying with me for a while. Okay?”

“Okay.”

***

Chan made his way out of his car and to your apartment. He knocked on the door, waiting as he whistled a tune under his breath.

The door opened.

“Oh, hey, Chan. What are you doing here?”

Chan frowned as he stared at Juyeon, looking him up and down.

“Um..I could ask you the same thing.” He thought about how Minho had told him about what he’d seen on the couch.

Juyeon shrugged. “Long story. Y/n?” The man turned around, calling out for you. A few minutes later, you appeared beside him, and he put his arm around your waist.

“Oh, hi, Chan!”

“Hi, Y/n.” Chan spoke slowly. “Um…Minho was wondering if he could get some of his stuff.”

“Why? Is he going to be staying at yours?”

“Mhmm. For a while.”

You shrugged. “Yeah, okay. Wait here.”

As you left, Chan turned to Juyeon with a glare. “What the fuck is going on between you two?”

“What do you think? We’re together now…sort of.”

Chan’s eyes widened. “B-but…”

“But what? I’ve always liked her.”

“Minho likes her too, you know.”

Juyeon stopped, raising an eyebrow. “He does?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, it sure doesn’t look like it. I don’t care if he has feelings for her. All I know is that I could treat her better than he ever could.”

You came back, handing Chan the bags with a smile on your face. Chan returned your smile. “Thank you, Y/n. Have a nice day.” He glanced beside you. “Juyeon.”

“Wait, Chan…tell Minho I said Hi.” You said slowly, playing with your fingers as you felt your tension grow.

Chan paused, nodding with a fake smile as he went back to his car, his mind swimming with thoughts.

How would Minho react when he tells him this? He had a hunch that it would not be pretty.

#minho angst #lee know angst #lee minho angst #skz #stray kids angst #skz angst #stray kids #kpop #kpop angst #kpop smut #minho smut #lee know smut #skz smut #minho fluff #lee know fluff #chan #bang chan #juyeon

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rebelcap · 3 years

Text

We are not just friends — Part 19

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she’s brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy.

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally.

Series masterlist

Sofía had definitely closed up, she became a recluse in her own apartment and the only thing she did was go to work and back. She felt mostly okay, she wasn't crying her eyes out or seeing a random photo of Chris and crying.

She was hurt, deeply hurt but all she did was avoid thinking about him. This wasn't like the first time they broke up, this felt different. Like, this was it.

She loses one of her most precious friends and gains another failed relationship, another ex that probably will end up resenting her because they couldn't reach her and when she opens up she gets shot down.

After Chris…

Sofia was sure that she was meant to be alone and she was mostly okay with it.

On the other hand, Christopher was devastated—he honestly thought she was the one, he felt it in his gut, his heart, his whole being made him feel that she was the one. She just kept pushing him away in all the ways that she could find and he took it, until he couldn't anymore and that alone made him feel like he was failing her, he didn't know how to help her and she won't let him.

They were so far away from each other—it was exhausting and the fact that he had just started talking with Jenny again made him feel insecure about his relationship.

But he love her with all his fucking heart that it hurt his whole body knowing that she might ever be able to love him back the way he does.

"I miss him," Sofia said, putting her eyeliner on. She was going out as Amanda was very pregnant to even move.

"He does too." She said rubbing her belly. "It's been, how much time now?,"

"Four months , so he's dating Jenny. That's what I heard…" Sofia tried not to get emotional about it but… Fuck.

"Yeah, Luke told me about it… but it's going anywhere and he knows. Not sure about her though."

"He always gets back with all his exes. Got us on rotation, fucking idiot. He wants to commit but he can't actually commit with anyone. Then in the one with commitment issues," Sofia shook her head and let out a groan. "I love him, I swear to you I love him, he's a good friend but he's a terrible boyfriend."

"Right back at you," Amanda laughed and Sofia had to, because she was absolutely right about her too.

"I don't go back with all my exes, though"

"Mostly don't, Chris it's the exception."

"Because I thought it was going to be okay for once." She made a face and began putting the make up back on her little make up bag. "I can't believe he's back with Jenny, she's funny and intelligent and great—but God, I don't fucking like her." Sofia said, throwing the make-up bag on her bag and pout. "I don't want to go out now. More because I know he's here in Boston and it's not leaving until next year and I'm seeing his brother today."

"You don't wanna run into him?,"

"Of course I wanna run into him, I miss him so much but I'm totally not over him yet." Sofia explained sitting on the toilet seat looking at Amanda that was leaning in the door frame. "I don't know if I'm ever going to be over Chris."

"I'm sad now, you're make me feel sad and my boy too—

"I'm sorry—

"Don't be, I'm feeling sad because I can't go out with you and drag Chris's name all over Boston even though he's great but he left you."

Sofia smiled looking down and felt Amanda's hand running through her hair and she sighed deeply.

Sofía was vibing or at least trying, the place was comfy and she knew almost all the people that were there—witch where all of fucking Christopher closest friends and some random girls that the guys bring from somewhere.

Apparently he wasn't coming, which Sofia didn't know if she was actually relieved or not.

"Jesus fucking christ." She murmured to herself tried of her own fucking mind noise. She stood up and walked to the little bar area and started pouring a drink, straight whiskey and downed it all and poured herself a second and then a third walking away with the drink on her hand.

He saw her first, saw her leaning on a wall, talking with some dude —younger than her, brunette and with a fucking man bun, he was built, lean and tall. She laughed, at whatever fucking thing he said she laughed and looked at him with the little fucking straw on her lips. Oh, boy he was mad.

Chris rubbed his face and went about to hang up with his friends and mingle a little bit. But he couldn't stop looking at their direction every fucking second.

"They sure look cozy," Luke said and Chris looked at him. "Did you talk to her yet?"

"I can't talk to her, man." Chris muttered and downed the warm beer on his hand and his friend handed him another. "What I'm supposed to say?, hey, long time remember when I dump you because I'm a fucking imbecile and i cant fucking wait." He said dropping sarcasm on every word.

"That's a good opening," Luke laughed and Chris just stared at him, murdering eyes directed at his very own best friend.

"Who the fuck is that?" he asked referring to the guy she was talking with.

"A friend of Ryan's cousin."

Chris made a face and rolled his eyes. "The fuck he doing here?"

"It's Ryan's house, dude," Luke said and was a little amazed at Chris, he definitely hasn't seen him like this in a really long long time. "Man. .." Luke said, kind of amazed. "You're still head over heels in love with her, don't you?"

"I wonder what gave it away," Chris said, drinking his beer and rubbing his face. "imma talk to her,"

"Ah—don't think it's-uh," Luke was looking at them and saw them share a kiss, it was quick and he kinda went for it.

"What?," Chris said turning around and saw them just breaking the kiss and that's the moment Sofia saw him.

And her stomach dropped, her whole ass body dropped—

"Oh, woow. Are you okay?," Alex, asked her when her knees buckled and he caught her.

"Ah, yeah, yes. Just," She smiled at him and looked at her empty glass. "Little drunk, imma get more—" Sofia made an attempt to leave but Alex, bless his fucking kind heart, offered her to get her those drinks and something to eat.

As soon he leaves that was a cue to Chris, who literally strutted to the wall she was leaning and Slfia just… started.

"Hi," He said, hands on his pockets as Sofia kept looking at him. "How-how are you?"

Sofoa kept quiet and simply walked away from him, ahe couldn't possibly do the whole small talk bullshit they alwaus did and it emeded up al fucking badly. Chris looked at her go and he was the one that stormed after her.

"Sofia, come on," Chris said and walked besides her. "Sof, it's going to be like this?"

"I can't talk with you Chris, like…" She sighed and sat down on a bench, they weren't completely away from the people and there were some girls sitting on a couch messing around with their phones and minding their business.

"Why not?," He asked, looking at her. He just wanted to reach out and hug her, he missed her.

Sofía finally looked up at him and asked him, "How's things with Jenny?," Chris looked away and rubbed his beard and stayed quiet at her question for a moment.

"We're not together anymore," He said and Sofia made a face and sigh. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you seeing someone?" He asked looking at the bar where the dude was talking with Ryan, probably giving him the talk.

"Look, Sofia is off limits."

"What?, why? She told me she's single." Alex asked and looked back at where she was supposed to be and found Chris looking back at him with that death stare he did when he was annoyed.

"Yes, she is. But it's also Chris ex and they still didn't figure it out and he's my friend, so kid. Off limits,"

"Do you care,?" She asked, sassy.

"If I didn't I wouldn't be asking, wouldn't I?," He asked right back at her, also sassy.

"Last time I tried that, it didn't go well," Sofia said, rolling her eyes at him. "And the one before that, worse." She said at their obvious relationship and Chris just grunted. But couldn't blame her, it was a mess…

"Yeah," He murmured and dug into his pockets and fished out a packet of cigarettes. "want one?" He offered her and she took it.

"Thanks, we should smoke outside though." Sofia said walking out to the backyard where the other guys were doing the grilling.

They waved at them but kept their distance, not Scott though because it was Scott.

"So…" He said walking up to them and putting a hand on each shoulder. "You two are actually talking,"

"Not really," Sofia rolled her eyes and Chris grunted again.

"Sof," He said, putting those little blue eyes to work on him and it worked, of course it will work.

"Okay, okay…" She agreed and lit up the cigarette giving Chris a look. Thinking that the moment she found him unattractive was when she stopped looking at men all together and dedicated herself to pussy forever.

He was so fucking attractive, jesus fuck.

"Either way, is there a point here?," She asked looking at both of them. "We're good, I guess," She shrugged.

"Are we really good?," Chris asked.

"I don't know, you left me." Sofia took a drag and Scott made a face.

"And that's my cue to leave, I love you both." He said and Sofia laughed.

"And I do too." She wink at him and Chris was staring at her, waiting for Scott to leave.

"I shouldn't have done that—

"Chris, don't." She waves a hand at him. "You seriously need a new woman on your life, this thing about getting back with all your exes ia getting old as fuck."

"Ouch," He said and actually smile and so did she. "I do miss you, you know that."

"I miss you too, come on. We were really good friends for a moment there,"

"Yeah," He smiled and bit his bottom lip, shaking his head. "We fucked up, don't we?"

"Yeah, and I told you so."

"You did. Guess I didn't listen,"

"You never listen, stubborn Gemini man." She said punching him on the arm.

"Yeah, you're right but I don't regret it though."

"Me neither," She smiled and sigh, just thinking for a moment. "So, there's a wedding coming?"

"You mean ours?," He joked and Sofia barked a laugh.

"I mean our better halves, idiot. Besides, we will be divorced in the first four months."

"What?, come on I gave us at least… a year," Chris saif and Sofia made a face, disagreeing.

"Six months, tops." She said and put her hand on his month. "The thought of me being a wife, ew."

Chris laughed out loud. "You look pretty in white,"

"I look pretty in everything because I'm pretty," She rolled her eyes with a smile. "But, jokes aside. Do you see yourself married?"

"I like the idea of marriage but… Honestly, I don't know."

"I preferred to have a kid before marriage, it's just a fucking paper in the end. You can divorce, I think I'll know when I have a kid, if I have a kid."

"We never had this talk before," Chris said and pointed at a little bench for them to sit. "About us,"

"Did you think about it?" Sofia asked as she sat down beside him. Chris was holding his beer between his legs and looking forward.

"Yeah, I mean…" He looked at her. "I have never been this in love with someone like I am with you, so yeah. I did, a couple of times actually."

Sofia was dumbfounded at what he said, and she did toyed with the idea a couple of times…

"I almost propose to you, actually…" He laughed and Sofias head snapped so hard to look at him. "After you met my mom, I bought that ring you liked. I thought that maybe someday…" He shrugged and Sofia's eyes watered up and just stared forward.

"Chris, I…" She whispered and he looked at her.

"What's wrong?," He asked, frowning.

"What's wrong!?," She said, wiping her tears. "Dude, are you hearing what you are saying to me?."

Chris realized it at that moment, what he did. Bomb after bomb he just dropped on her.

"Sorry, I got carried away." He muttered slouching on the bench and drank the rest of his beer.

"You'll find someone, Chris…" Sofia said in a small voice.

"Already found her," He muttered and stood up and walked away.

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x latina!#chris evans x poc!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans x ofc #chris evans x you #chris evans angst #Chris Evans x reader #chris evans imagine

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years

Note

What your opinion on the Agni Kai was better then aang’s fight with ozai

I want to first say that “better” is a completely subjective statement. Both the final Agni Kai and Aang’s battle with Ozai have huge importance thematically, but are also demonstrative of different aspects of A:tLA, so comparing them in an attempt to determine the “better” battle is really an injustice to the show imo. That said, the final Agni Kai is certainly the more popular of the two big battles, and honestly I can break down its popularity into three main points. People tend to favor the final Agni Kai because:

They see the final Agni Kai as the reason Z.utara should have been canon (no, this is not the same as seeing the battle as crucial to Z.utara’s development; I mean they full-on think that the final Agni Kai matters largely if not entirely because of the brief ‘Z.utara’ moment.)

They recognize the significance of the Agni Kai being framed as a tragedy (specifically regarding Azula).

Their lack of understanding regarding Aang’s arc (or, to be kinder, their personal disinterest in Aang) prevents them from fully appreciating his battle with Ozai.

There are a few other reasons the final Agni Kai tends to be favored (e.g. it’s a much faster-paced battle action-wise; Aang’s battle with Ozai is over twice as long and because of how the show was structured is broken up into several sections and thus feels even longer), but I think those are the main three. So let’s take them one at a time!

First, I have to start with the obvious:

People favor the final Agni Kai because they interpret it as their holy grail of why Z.utara should have been canon.

Firstly, I am not getting into the K@taang vs Z.utara ship wars. I don’t have the time or the energy lmao. But there is a huge difference between shipping Z.utara based on the content provided in the show (because y’all know I love me some Zut@raang) compared to somehow thinking that Zuko and Katara were both ready to be and should have gotten together at the end of the series. In short, Z.utara would not have worked in canon based on where the series stood by the finale, and that’s okay! That fact does not negate the appeal of Z.utara nor does it mean Z.utara shippers should not be allowed to interpret the final Agni Kai as involving Z.utara content (they absolutely can and should! we love to see that!). But the final Agni Kai was not some secret sign that Z.utara was meant to be canon, and people who interpret it as such are sorely missing the point of the battle.

Here are a few metas discussing the final Agni Kai in regards to Z.utara’s importance within canon A:tLA, if you’d like to read some analysis going more in-depth than I intend to. My thoughts regarding Z.utara and the final Agni Kai are pretty simple:

Zuko catching/attempting to redirect the lightning aimed at Katara was not because he was in love with her. For him to sacrifice himself because he was “in love with her” would entirely undermine his redemption arc, which is learning to earn forgiveness and accept unconditional love from his family (both Iroh and the Gaang), not because of romantic interest. (Again, this does not mean someone shouldn’t ship Z.utara; if that’s what you’re taking away from this post, then you might as well stop reading, because I assure you that’s not even close to the point here.)

Katara is set up as Azula’s primary foil (e.g. by and large her relationship in canon with Zuko is aimed as a surrogate sibling); her saving Zuko parallels Azula’s attempts on his life (though her most important moment as Azula’s foil is arguably bringing Aang back to life after Azula kills him, but that’s a subject for another time lol), and Zuko catching the lightning for Katara demonstrates him saving the sister he can save versus Azula, the sister he cannot save (hence her breakdown at the end of the battle while Katara walks away largely unharmed; Zuko’s decision is also a direct parallel to him siding with Azula in “Crossroads of Destiny”, having first chosen the sister who harms him over Katara, the sister who ultimately heals him).

The significance of Zuko catching/attempting to redirect the lightning aimed at Katara is not because it was Katara he was saving; the viewer sees Zuko’s decision and recognizes that he would have done so for anyone. Anyone in the Gaang, plus Mai and Iroh, and possibly even Ty Lee (hell, he’d probably have taken the bolt for Appa and Momo). Zuko’s redemption arc is sealed by his selflessness, his willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else. While the moment is especially powerful because of Katara’s position as a foil to Azula, it is not the Z.utara holy grail I’ve seen it portrayed to be.

To be honest, the interpretation of the Agni Kai as some big Z.utara moment is both superficial and a massive disservice to Azula and the completion of her arc, which is the focal point of most if not all of the battle, and also entirely undermines the power of Zuko’s redemption (as I discussed). So moving on to the next point!

People favor the final Agni Kai because they recognize its importance to Azula and how the key element of the battle’s emotional weight is its framing as a tragic, heartbreaking moment.

I rewatched both the final Agni Kai and Aang’s battle with Ozai before I wrote this, and I had to try so hard to not cry at the end when Azula breaks down, sobbing openly for the first time in the entire series. It is a powerful, devastating moment, and it is so heartbreaking because of how fitting it is for her. Does she deserve redemption? Absolutely. But in the context of the series and how A:tLA played out, rock bottom is where Azula needs to be, and the audience recognizing that fact is what makes the scene so painful to watch (and also why you can’t take your eyes off the screen). For me, the power of the Agni Kai never came from Zuko’s sacrifice (although I understand why that part resonates with some people more); instead, it was always about Azula’s downfall, her descent, the straw the broke the camel’s back - whatever you want to call it. I’ll try to keep the essence of my feelings towards Azula and the Agni Kai and why this battle is preferred short:

Azula is a much more established antagonist than Ozai. We know from the beginning the Fire Lord is the big bad, but his presence in the show is relegated largely to flashbacks and to the second half of the final season. Azula is introduced in Book Two (technically she appears twice, I believe, in Book One, but she has no lines so I’m not counting those moments lol) and becomes the key antagonist throughout the final two books. The viewers admire her intelligence and strategic capabilities, appreciate her wit and ability to turn a person’s words around on them, and even feel sympathy and pity for her when her difficult relationship with her mother is revealed (in “The Beach”) and when Ozai’s conditional love is demonstrated to apply to her, too (“Sozin’s Comet Part 1: The Phoenix King”). Thus, the final Agni Kai has multitudes more emotional potency in terms of the antagonist, as Azula is more pitiable and developed than Ozai, so it’s understandable that feeling a greater connection to Azula might result in someone preferring the final Agni Kai over Aang’s battle with Ozai. (That said, I will be discussing more about the significance of Ozai as a character later.)

The tone of the Agni Kai is that of tragedy (verus the more action/intense battle of Aang vs Ozai). While the debate of drama vs action is largely related to personal preference, I think it’s worth noting that no other battle in A:tLA (that I can think of) has the slow, drawn-out, orchestral music that is present in the final Agni Kai. The viewers realize this battle may be about power on the surface, but in reality it is a painful, devastating moment about a family irreparably torn apart (at least in terms of the series run). For me, that has always been the captivating factor of the Agni Kai. The viewers mourn for Azula, who has lost herself. Yes, she did so partially in her quest for power, but more importantly in her search for love, as she did not have a support system in her life like her brother (Zuko always had Iroh), and the audience grieves for her. Her mother both feared her and was disgusted by her; her father loved no one (including her) and only valued her for what she could provide to him; she hurt her brother and her best friends to the point where they were forced to turn away from her; and her uncle, as far as what is shown, never extended a hand to her. Azula is a victim of abuse (though this does not excuse any of her actions; in fact, her role in A:tLA as a victim who was abandoned and lashes out before breaking down on the inside is just as important as Zuko’s role as a victim who was given support and was able to heal). Thus, to me, the power of the final Agni Kai is all from the tragic tone (hence why Azula’s heartbreaking end brings me close to tears every time).

Bonus: The way Katara takes out Azula is incredibly clever and badass. (I don’t think I need to expand this one. We all love narrative foils!)

For some people, they prefer the final Agni Kai because of the emotional weight of the conclusion of Azula’s arc; that weight combined with the conclusion of Zuko’s redemption, in my opinion, are pretty valid reasons to deem the final Agni Kai their favorite battle of the series. That said, there is one other important factor to consider in the question of the final Agni Kai vs Aang’s battle with Ozai:

People prefer the final Agni Kai because they blatantly misunderstand and/or misinterpret Aang’s arc of reconciling his being both the Avatar and the last airbender, thus preventing them from fully understanding and appreciating the weight of his battle with Ozai.

This point is more complex than the two I discussed previously, so I’m going to break this one down further to help simplify it. Let’s start with the most obvious thing:

“The lion turtle and energybending were cop-outs!”

I cringe whenever I see this; imagine admitting to the entire fandom how blind you were to the extensive foreshadowing about the lion turtle and energybending. Downright embarrassing. There are so many metas out there explaining how the lion turtle and energybending were not cop-outs and how A:tLA did foreshadow their influence (some people need to admit they just didn’t watch the show tbh). I’ll try to provide a quick summary:

Chiblocking demonstrated how chi/energy and bending were intrinsically linked from Day. One. Moreover, it did so numerous times; trying to claim that blatant foreshadowing is not there is… well, kind of embarrassing.

The lion turtle was foreshadowed in “The Library” (and moreover the lion turtle only appeared after Aang called out to the Spirit World; his meditation was an appropriate attempt to seek help from those wiser than him to resolve his dilemma, and thus his plea was answered).

If you’re gonna argue the lion turtle/energybending were convenient cop-outs, you better also critique how Suki conveniently was at the Boiling Rock/the ferry, Pakku conveniently had been arranged to marry Katara’s grandmother, Toph conveniently inventing metalbending, every other time a spirit showed up conveniently, etc. etc. etc. Don’t cherry-pick, hypocrites.

The lion turtle/energybending were not necessarily predictable, no, but they also were not meant to be. You’re not supposed to guess every detail of every finale of every show. So yes, the lion turtle/energybending were foreshadowed, and this foreshadowing done so in a way where after they were revealed it was intended to be an “oh my god, how did I not see that connection before?!” moment. (At least, so it was for me.)

Dismissing the lion turtle and energybending as a cop-out is an age-old, boring misinterpretation of Aang’s battle with Ozai, and by and large I think most of the fandom is tired of hearing it. Thus, if people don’t understand the lion turtle/energybending and their roles in the A:tLA finale, then they’re less likely to appreciate Aang’s battle with Ozai and therefore would prefer the final Agni Kai. Next common argument:

“Aang was able to re-enter the Avatar state because of a rock? Really? Another cop-out!”

Again, if you’re gonna criticize the rock, at least criticize every other plot device used in A:tLA. I mean come on. Some people will really just cherry-pick instances solely with Aang. How very convenient for them, huh?

But the fact of the matter is that the pointy rock is actually pretty important! No, it didn’t necessarily have to be a rock that allowed Aang to enter the Avatar state again, but it was necessary that the Avatar state was unblocked for him by a physical trigger. The Avatar state was removed from Aang by Azula’s lightning striking him (after he’d done the spiritual work to control it, too!), which is a physical block, thus requiring something to physically unblock it. By the end of Book Two, Aang is able to enter the Avatar state of his own accord (he successfully unlocked his chakras, after all) and had Azula not struck him in the back and killed him, he presumably would have been able to do so throughout Book Three. Did that physical item have to be a rock? Again, not necessarily, lmao, but where he and Ozai were fighting, well, there certainly were a lot of rocks, so it’s not like it didn’t make sense. (There’s a meta here that touches a bit on the necessity of the Aang needing the Avatar state physically unblocked, too.)

“Ozai was a stereotypical, boring villain! He was barely given any screen time!”

This isn’t entirely untrue. Everything viewers are told about Ozai is from other characters in the narrative; mostly Zuko, but also Azula and I’d argue Iroh, too. Ozai certainly was the big bad of the series, and little is provided regarding his personality beyond being power-hungry, racist, xenophobic, and abusive. But… that’s kind of the point. Ozai is written to have zero redeemable qualities. There is supposed to be zero sympathy for him. Hell, there’s arguably even zero reason for him to live on (which actually makes Aang’s decision to spare his life all the more powerful, but that’s for later). There’s one line in particular that really defines Ozai’s character to me:

“You’re [Aang is] weak, just like the rest of your people [the Air Nomads]! They did not deserve to exist in this world… in my [Ozai’s] world!”

Ozai is the epitome of fascism, imperialism, and a superiority complex if there ever was one in a cartoon. His words remind the audience that maybe he didn’t initiate the Air Nomad Genocide, but he continues to seek the same goal - obliteration of anyone he deems inferior (which is, well, every nation except his own). Aang’s battle with Ozai is literally a fight against fascism, and that’s a hell of a powerful metaphor. So while I understand leaning towards the Agni Kai in terms of familiarity with the antagonist (aka Azula), I do think some people gloss over Ozai too quickly. Yes, everyone knows that Ozai is a genocidal dictator, but I don’t think the implication of that position - especially what it means to Aang - really sinks in for everyone.

And now for the big one:

“Aang should have killed Ozai!”

If you are reading this and for some godforsaken reason think Aang should have killed Ozai, I beg of you: read these metas and analyses about Aang and his arc explaining exactly why that’s the wrong take. This point has been argued a million times over and the fact of the matter is that Aang choosing to spare Ozai’s life and thus uphold his beliefs as an Air Nomad is the ultimate triumph (a direct parallel to the Air Nomads being forced to fight back against the firebenders during Sozin’s attack and were thus not able to uphold their beliefs - the ultimate sacrifice). Furthermore, Aang choosing to spare Ozai’s life but take his bending is arguably a fate worse than death for Ozai. Ozai now lacks all of his power/prestige, will be forced to watch the son he despises rebuild his country, and any lingering supporters he may have can’t argue “oh well the Avatar had no reason to kill him!” because Aang didn’t kill him. He chose mercy. He proved himself better and stronger than Ozai could ever hope to be.

Furthermore, Aang staying true to his beliefs as an airbender is central to his character. The core belief of the Air Nomads was that all life was sacred (such was why they were all vegetarians). If he had killed Ozai, if he had been forced to betray his spiritual beliefs, then he would have completed the genocide of the Air Nomads that Sozin started a hundred years ago. Ozai’s death at Aang’s hands = the death of the airbenders’ culture. Full stop. How could he be expected to bring balance to the four nations if only three remained? Maybe this is just me, but the message of Aang being an airbender (the last airbender) and finding another way (e.g. energybending) to defeat Ozai in order to uphold the beliefs of his people is a much more powerful message than him having to kill Ozai (especially because no one else understood how important Aang’s spirituality was to him [not even the Gaang!]; Aang did what was right, even when the world insisted he was wrong).

(Sidenote: The previous Avatars did not tell Aang to kill Ozai. That’s right - not even Kyoshi. I believe she gave him this advice: “Only justice will bring peace.” Great news! Aang did exactly that. Why are some people still so pressed about it??)

Furthermore, if someone calls Aang’s beliefs and his decision not to kill Ozai childish (we’ve all seen those posts), I’m giving you permission to deck them, because so much of the roots of the Air Nomads’ spirituality is rooted in Buddhism, and like,, we know westerners struggle to comprehend any narrative that isn’t our own, but the dismissal of Aang’s beliefs without making the connection that they’re also dismissing the beliefs of many, many real people? Yeah, please sock those assholes in the jaw. Give them the finger. Glare at them. Whatever works for you. Those are the people with the most superficial opinions on A:tLA, and to be honest, it really shows. Please: make an effort to understand the eastern narratives at work within A:tLA. If you don’t, there are so many things you will miss out on, and you’ll also just look like a prick.

For me, Aang’s battle with Ozai is so powerful (and my favorite) because of the ending and its importance to Aang:

“I’m not gonna end it like this.”

Aang chooses mercy by taking Ozai’s bending instead of killing him.

Aang chooses to uphold the beliefs of his people and guarantee the Air Nomads live on in him.

Aang proves his soul is unbendable.

Aang enters and controls the Avatar of his own accord (not induced by trauma or a spirit).

Aang reconciles his being the Avatar with being the last airbender.

Aang is finally at peace with himself and the world around him.

In short, if a person doesn’t understand Aang and his character, then the significance of his final battle with Ozai will largely be lost, and thus it makes sense that they would gravitate more to the Agni Kai (which is arguably a less nuanced battle, as Azula’s position as a victim of abuse and Zuko’s tale of redemption are not exclusive to either western or eastern narratives, while Aang’s arc is largely more eastern in nature and thus something less familiar to western audiences).

I have no doubt that my personal bias influences my admiration of the final battle with Ozai, as Aang is my favorite character and his narrative is easily the most powerful to me (he is the sole survivor of genocide who still chooses to seek kindness in life instead of revenge), but regardless I’d argue the sheer thematic weight of Aang’s battle with Ozai outweighs that of the Agni Kai any day (although, to be fair, they are presenting different subjects, so take my feelings there with a grain of salt).

The Agni Kai is a tragedy. It is devastating. It makes you cry. Aang’s battle with Ozai is a triumph. It is hope. It makes you take a deep breath and look to tomorrow with a brave smile. And that is why it is the battle that concludes the series.

TL;DR - Both are fantastic battles in their own merit, but Aang’s battle with Ozai is underappreciated because of the fandom’s incomplete grasp on Aang’s arc and character while the final Agni Kai is often appreciated/hyped up for the wrong (*cough* shipping *cough*) reasons.

#IM GONNA ADD A LINE BREAK IN A HOT MINUTE IM ON MOBILE #amy answers #aang #atla #avatar the last airbender #azula #zuko #katara #ozai #final agni kai #atla meta #aang vs ozai #energybending #lion turtle #anon #air nomad genocide #air nomads #avatar the legend of aang #amy analyzes

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loveactionsspeaklouder · 3 years

Text

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

Epilogue | Written. Part 3

If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher

"I'd take back those words that've hurt you and you'd stay"

....

december 2027| paris

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way

I'd take back those words that've hurt you

And you'd stay

Kylian Mbappe wasn't miserable, but he wasn't happy either. He had won the Champions League, Euros and the World Cup in the past few years, yet he still felt like something was missing in his life. But as he gazed at his adorable two children and thought about their question they had just asked him, he knew the reason why. "Papa, why did you and mama fall out of love?"

We didn't, he wanted to say. I still love her, he needed to say. He realised he couldn't lie to his children (number 1, he would be a very bad father and number 2, he knew Rosalie would drop him in it). "It's a long story children," he nervously laughed. "We'll talk about it another time."

"You have us all night papa," Lucia giggled. She was only three years old, but she had the sarcastic nature of her father and the sassiness of her mother. Kylian could only roll his eyes and huff in defeat. How can you explain to your children about the real reason your relationship ended with their mother, without sounding like a dick? He pondered the question, thinking of his answer.

I don't know why I did the things I did

I don't know why I said the things I said

Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside

Words are like weapons they wound sometimes

Things weren't supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to appear on the screen at that moment. He wasn't supposed to see her with the man she had chosen over him. He wasn't supposed to break down crying in front of his kids.

But it did happen and he couldn't control his emotions.

"She's the reason, isn't she papa?" Isaiah questioned. He was smart and he also had a great memory; he remembered when his Auntie Molly babysat him, when she used to tell him bedtime stories or when she would make him his favourite cake. He was devastated when she suddenly stopped visiting the house; he would spend hours screaming at his mother, wondering where MollMoll was. "I miss her."

"So do I," Kylian admitted. It had been over two years since their now famous kiss had been blasted all over social media. If that wasn't the final straw for Rosalie, then seeing the messages her husband had sent to his former girlfriend was. "She was my best friend and I lost her."

I didn't really mean to hurt you

I didn't wanna see you go

I know I made you cry, but baby

When Kylian last saw Molly, he was drunk. Really drunk. PSG had just completed a major comeback in the Champions League against Tottenham Hotspur (Molly and Julian's rival); Kylian was out celebrating the win, whilst Molly was out celebrating a child/fiancé free night. "I remember the last time I saw her," he blushed. "She was still so beautiful, I had to see her."

He memorized the moment; he remembered the way her soft lips felt, how her cheeks were a light pink, he dreamed about the soft curls in her hair and the way her eyes sparkled when they connected with his.

But was it the alcohol talking?

In Kylian's mind it wasn't; he knew the feelings he had for Molly were genuine, he fell in love with her the first time he laid eyes on her in the carpark, despite his actions, he never stopped loving her. Unlike Molly who knew it was the alcohol; she knew what happened when she'd have alcohol and was around the Frenchman, it always ended in something intimate happening.

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way

I'd take back those words that've hurt you

And you'd stay

If I could reach the stars

I'd give them all to you

Then you'd love me, love me

Like you used to

If I could turn back time

"Papa?" Lucia questioned. Kylian nodded at his blonde-haired daughter, placing a soft kiss to the foreheads of both his children. "How are you friends with Ney but mama can't be friends with Moll?"

He blinked his eyes at the bright three-year-old, an innocent look across her face. Unlike Isaiah who had a devious smirk on his face; he was only five, but he was a bloody smart five-year-old. He quickly gathered that any questions asked about Molly, made his parents very awkward. "It's quite simple really," Kylian started. "Neymar is my teammate, whilst Molly lives in London; which you know, is very far away."

"But papa; Molly looked after us, Ney now looks after us. But he also looks after mother a bit too much. Shouldn't that cause issues between you two?"

Kylian laughed. A loud, happy laugh; something he hadn't managed to do properly in a few months. Rosalie and Kylian had tried to explain to their children about the situation between them, obviously neither fully understood. After the collapse of their marriage, Rosalie found comfort in the Frenchman's teammate; Uncle Ney loved the kids like they were his own, they took it slow at first, but six months after their first date, they were now officially dating.

Kylian was very happy for them. At first, he was shocked; he didn't speak to the Brazilian for a whole two weeks, even on the pitch they didn't acknowledge each other. But eventually, after a few conversations with his now ex-wife, he started to come around. He realised that he wasn't going to find a better man to trust his children with.

My world was shattered I was torn apart

Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart

You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care

But I lost everything darling then and there

Kylian leaned back and watched in amusement as the two siblings proceeded to bicker, too entertained to interrupt. He knew if he needed cheering up, his children were always the solution.

But something always happens to change his mood.

And again, he glanced his eyes at the television and saw her one more time. He watched her beaming smile grow wider as she gazed at Julian, her husband. Kylian remembered the day he saw the news; he had just finished training and was scrolling through his phone, occasionally he would check Molly's Instagram, he regretted his decision that day. One click and his mood automatically changed.

He remembered the sound of his shoes on the floor as he ran out of the training ground, he could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks, he could still hear the sound of Molly's voicemail tone. He wanted to tell her that she was making a mistake. He wished that he could reverse time and follow her when she left for London the first time. Instead, he just cried; he sobbed random words and muddled up sentences, until the beep was heard at the end of the message.

She never returned his message.

She never listened to it.

She didn't want to.

Too strong to tell you I was sorry

Too proud to tell you I was wrong

I know that I was blind, and darling

"Kylian, this isn't healthy," Rosalie mocked. Their relationship may have frazzled out, but they were still friends. Occasionally. So that meant; if Rosalie wanted to mock Kylian about Molly, she was allowed to and Kylian could do the same about Neymar. "Our children are here and you're crying over a girl that didn't want you."

Rosalie wasn't the same woman anymore; her reserved nature was long gone. She knew she should have left when she found out about the famous affair, but she sulked and then returned to her fiancé. After he was caught kissing, texting and overall humiliating her, she decided to change. So, she kicked him out and raised her two children on her own, until she caught feelings for her ex-husbands teammate that happened to be his best friend.

Complicated.

But that didn't stop her from forgiving him and occasionally checking up on him and tonight was the night. What a perfectly timed night to do it on, she cunningly thought. "Have you spoken to her?"

"Nope," Kylian muttered. "She doesn't want anything to do with me," he sighed. He watched as Molly happily ran around with her two children and Julian; he picked up the remote and angrily threw it at the television, smashing it into little pieces. "I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could redo everything. I made mistakes and I can't take them back, I can't change what happened and it's killing me."

If I could turn back time (Turn back time)

If I could find a way (Find a way)

Then maybe, maybe, maybe

You'd stay

#Kylian Mbappe #julian draxler #fanfiction #fanfic #football #psg #Paris Saint Germain #Football Fanfiction #football imagine #imagine #kylian mbappe imagine #julian draxler imagine

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catxsnow · 4 years

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THROUGH EVERYTHING W.W.

Request: If you still write for Wally (TV show) could I please request some angst-to-fluff involving his powers and how they affect his relationship with the reader?

Warning: angst, fluff, swearing

A/N: Heading to my friend’s house for a week so I probably won’t be quite as active. Hella excited though!!

Also, like, if you like Barry Allen, I kinda just finished Book two of a series about him on Wattpad. If anyone is interested let me know I’ll send ya over in the right direction lol!

Word Count: 1.6k

Wally West was sometimes a handful and a half.

He was stubborn, wanted things his way, and he was always willing to risk more than what he had. You had seen it in him while racing, through university, and even more so when he had gotten his speed. Wally liked to live his life on the edge. You? Well, it was more of a hidden corner where no one could see you.

It was pure coincidence that you had found each other. You ended up together for a project at your university and an instant connection happened. The two of you were different, very different and yet you only got excited at the thrill of his life. The racing, the danger he put himself in, you couldn't get enough of it.

So, when Wally asked you on a date how could you say no? He brought you into his world wind of a life, and even more so when he discovered his father and sister.

You were with him through the death of his mother, his move in with his father, and the life of having The Flash in his life. Wally lived a crazy life, and you were happy to be part of it. He was thankful for being with you through everything. There was no one he would have rather had by his side than you.

You supported him with everything, particularly when he had been ever so disappointed that Jesse had gotten speed and he hadn't. Wally was devastated by the news. He wanted powers so bad and when his best friend got them and he didn't, it ruined him. Wally had lulled around your home for weeks.

You spent day in and day out with him, trying to make sure that at the end of the day that he still had hope for his future. Wally appreciated everything you did for him, promising that one day he would have the strength to return the favour. It didn't matter whether he did or not, Wally was your everything.

He was the person that encouraged you to be better, to find a better path than he did. He wanted you to succeed in every single one of your dreams and was always there to help you when you felt yourself waver. Together, there was nothing that the two of you couldn't accomplish.

When Alchemy came around, promising powers to all those who had them in Flashpoint, Wally had gotten excited. This was his chance to finally get his speed - and he had gotten it. Wally became Kid Flash, the hero he dreamed of being for so long. You were happy for him, at first.

He spent all of his time in the lab. Controlling his speed, learning everything that the Flash knew about it. He was incredible and you were so proud of him for being able to achieve his dreams. How could you be mad at someone that was wanting to learn how to save lives? Truth was, you couldn't.

Wally used his speed at every chance he got, but with Barry busy and unable to train him, he took more risks than you liked to see. At first, they were nothing - using his speed to save someone from a car, keeping the people safe and never putting himself in harms way. But when Aliens invaded and he took it upon himself to go out and fight his brainwashed friends? That was your last straw.

The second that Wally had gotten back on his feet, you had finally lost it at him.

Iris, Joe, they saw the rage on your face. These past few weeks you had been holding you tongue, but you couldn't anymore. Wally getting his speed had put a major strain on your relationship. He spent all of his free time at STAR Labs and even missed classes to be there.

The only time that you ever got to see him anymore was when he crawled into your shared bed while you were half asleep. It was as if Wally had completely forgotten about you. He was consumed by his speed and all he ever wanted to do was become as good as Barry. As much as you supported him, you couldn't handle missing him anymore.

What was going to happen when he did get his training? Missions? Fighting meta's? You already missed him so much you weren't sure if you could do this any longer. As much as you hated the though of putting this on him, it was getting to the point that it was either you or being Kid Flash.

You already knew what he was going to pick if you told him.

"That is it, Wally!" You yelled. Wally sat on the edge of the medical bed that he had just previously woken up from. The room was cleared of all your friends, but you were sure at least one of them was lurking around to listen in. Wally watched your shoes pace back and forth, his head hung low.

He never noticed that you had become more tense, or that every time he left racing off you were holding your breath, petrified that he wasn’t going to make it back. He didn’t know just how worried you had become for him.

"I have been with you through everything! Your family, your racing, the crazy meta encounters! Not once did I ever question myself being with you, or your love for me. I never doubted that you would be able to keep yourself safe because I know that you can, but this?! What the hell were you thinking?"

Wally opened his mouth to speak, but closed it the second he met your eyes. There was a fire behind them. Anger coursed through your entire body and only worsened as you remember Oliver carrying in your unconscious boyfriend. The heart break you had when you thought that he was down for good nearly tore you apart.

"You're obsessed with this speed! You think that the second that you got it that you're the exact same as Barry. You're not! You don't have the practice that he has, you can't just run into fights thinking you're invincible! You could have been killed, Wally," your voice cracked during your last sentence.

Wally pushed himself off the bed and brought you into his arms. He held you as you sobbed at the thought of losing him, tears welling up in his own eyes. He didn't think that you would be so upset, he had never seen you like this before. You were right, he was so consumed by his speed that he didn't realize how distant you had been.

Getting his speed put a split in your relationship. He wished that it hadn't taken him this long to realize what had been going on. Guilt consumed him - he was the reason that you were upset. There was no one else to blame here, he had done it all on his own.

"I'm sorry," Wally whispered. He kissed the top of your head and pulled away just enough that he could look into your eyes. Eyes that held so much sadness and fear, all because of him. He never wanted this. You were right, he was obsessed and it took him far too long to realize. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been this caught up with my powers. You're right, I took it too far."

"I worry about you, Wally," you confessed. "Barry goes against a lot of things, hell he's going against aliens right now. I don't want to see you get hurt, not after we know what can happen to those who try to fight. But... I understand that you need to. I know that you can't just sit around anymore."

"I know you don't like it," Wally trailed off. As much as you loved the thrill of his life in the beginning, the more you cared for him, the more you worried. Wally lived for the thrill, you hated it about him after growing to love him. You wanted him safe with you. "I'm meant to be doing this, I'm meant to be Kid Flash."

"I know you are, babe," You assured him. "I'm never going to be the one to stop you from it. I just... seeing you in danger or, or hurt like you were today... it's hard. It's not something that I ever want to get used to. I like it when you're safe - cozy in our bed and worrying about our ridiculous classes."

"They are pretty ridiculous aren't they?" Wally joked. You lightly smacked his chest - however you knew that he hadn't only focused on that small bit of your spiel. Wally half smiled before leaning down to kiss you. "I'm sorry for making you worry, but thank you for understanding. I need you now more than ever."

He was going to do better, be better. Wally needed to learn the balance between his hero life and his civilian life. Nothing was more important than his love for you. When it came down to it, he could live a life without being Kid Flash, he had for a long time. But a life without you? He wasn't sure if he could ever manage that.

You were the one to keep him grounded so many times. Barry had Iris, and Wally had you. He couldn't do this without you, he knew he couldn't. Losing you would break him more than anything else in this world could.

Wally leaned down to kiss you once more. His palm was against your cheek to keep you close to him. Yours over his heart, knowing that it was fully yours. Thought times were tough - more often than not - he would always be the one to catch you when you fell.

"I told you before, Wally West, I'm with you through everything."

#wally west #wally west imagine #wally west x reader #wally west one shot #wally west the flash #the flash #the flash imagine #dc one shot #dc imagine #dc

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casey-v · 4 years

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Part 3: “If anything happens to her...”

Ethan x Casey

Warning: angst

Word count: 1,6K

Disclaimer: all characters belong to PB

Part 1: “...ending this...” Part 2: “Talk to him!”

I had to delete the first version, tumblr was messing with me and got the order totally wrong, don’t know why. I hope this time it’s right.

-------------------------------

Ethan was pacing up and down his office. He had desperately tried to focus on his work, but instead he tortured himself again and again with every word Casey had said to him a few days ago.

“Working with you makes me miserable. And that’s why I’m leaving the diagnostics team.”

He had honestly thought they could make a strictly professional relationship work. After fleeing to the Amazon, he was determined to keep his distance. But there was something about her that made it impossible for him to stick to his intentions. And now he had not only lost her, but also ruined her career. All sacrifices had been in vain.

Part of him wished that he had never met her. Before she came to Edenbrook he had had a good life. He wouldn’t exactly say that he had been happy, but he had been content. He had found fulfillment in his job and his little spare time he had filled with cooking, reading historical books, the opera and mostly staying to himself. There had been a few women, but never anything serious. Never had there been anyone he wanted in his life for more than a limited time. He didn’t believe in long term relationships thank to his parents.

But now there was Casey.

She was constantly in his head, at work and at home, by day and by night, in his waking hours and in his dreams. Only a smile from her or a gentle touch made his day. He couldn’t imagine a life without her anymore. He missed her so much, it hurt. These intense feelings scared him.

Was she right? Was being afraid of his feelings the real reason for his refusal, not her job and his ethics? Way back, when they had been to Derry Roasters for the first time and she had tried to analyze him, she had said

“You’ve carried an anger in you for a long time, so long you’re used to it.”

He had denied it at the time, but she was right, of course she was. There were wounds from his childhood, that never had been healed. It was hard for him to trust anyone. Hence, he had learned to rely only on himself.

He walked over to the window and stared into the pouring rain. He hadn’t dared to go to Kyra’s funeral, although he longed to be there for Casey, to take her in his arms and console her. But she had made it perfectly clear, that those days were over.

“Don’t you dare ever touch me again!”

These words had almost killed him. Tough even worse was the way she had looked at him when she said it. There had been so much hatred in her eyes, it felt like his heart stopped beating.

He banged his fist against the window. Now the scalpel jockey was there with her, to give her comfort and support. Jealousy spread in his stomach, just as before when he saw her leaving the hospital with him. When Casey started her intern year there had been a lot of gossip about her and Lahela, there were stories about on-call rooms and supply closets. Ethan had often seen them flirting at Donahue’s. But soon the gossip had died down and when he himself got closer to her, this never seemed to be an issue.

Were there any feelings left? Would the surgeon take his place in her heart?

Ethan rubbed his neck and sighed devasted. There had to be something he could do. He couldn’t afford to lose her. He went over to his desk, sat down and grabbed his phone. Words might not be enough, but first he had to get her to at least talk to him again. He started typing a message for her, shook his head frustrated and deleted everything. He tried it again and again, but nothing seemed right.

After an hour and what felt like a hundred deleted attempts, he finally tapped ‘send’. He stared at the screen in disbelief. Never had he texted anything similar let alone spoken those words.

At that moment, the door to his office burst open and Bryce and Jackie stormed in. They were very agitated and both spoke at the same time. “Did you talk to Casey?” - “Have you heard of her” - “Was she here?” – “Did you see her?”

Ethan felt an uneasiness evolve, rose from his chair and met the two residents halfway. “What happened? Weren’t you at the funeral together?”

Both answered simultaneously again, their anxiety obvious. “Of course we were there.” – “She was there with us. But then she ran away.” – “She was about to say a few words but then she had kind of a breakdown and ran away.” - “She started to cry mid-sentence and just left.” – “When we started to look for her, she was nowhere to be found.”

Panic took over when Ethan had comprehended their words. He approached them accusingly. “Why didn’t you run after her immediately?”

Bryce turned to face Jackie who guiltily directed her gaze to the ground, both recalling the scene in the cemetery. He had tried to go after Casey, but Jackie had held him back:

“Leave her alone for a few minutes”.

Bryce was angry at Jackie and at himself for listening to her, but now he turned his anger on Ethan. He took a step forward and pushed the attending violently, so he struggled to maintain his balance. Ethan froze up, staring wide-eyed at Bryce, who started to jell at him. “How dare you, you jerk! It’s your fault she ran away. If anything happens to her…!”

Jackie pushed herself in between and gently held back Bryce. “Stop it. This doesn’t help. We have to try to find her together.” He muttered something unrecognizable but stepped back.

It was hard for Ethan to keep his self-control. He tried to ignore Bryce and turned to Jackie. “What have you done so far? Doesn’t she answer her phone?” “Her purse was still on the chair when she left. She has no phone, no keys, no money. We searched all around the cemetery. Then Sienna and Elijah went home to wait for her. They’re calling all our friends right now. Bryce and I came here.”

Ethan regained his composure. With the efficiency of the experienced doctor he gave orders. “Ok, that’s what we do: page me Dr. Trinh’s phone number. We all will report back to her. Lahela, you check out Donahue’s and Derry Roasters and search the streets around the hospital. Dr. Varma, you look for her here at the hospital, check every on-call room or supply closet and ask every nurse or doctor you can find, if they’ve seen her. I will take my car and drive around.”

He grabbed his keys and his phone and was out the door before the other doctors had the opportunity to say otherwise.

It was already getting dark and Ethan was still driving through the streets of Boston in his car. Once he had left the hospital, he had gone straight to his apartment hoping that Casey would be there waiting for him. But of course, she wasn’t. Then he had searched the entire area surrounding the cemetery and then went back to check every street near the hospital. All the time, rain kept pouring down from dark clouds. When he had run out of ideas he just drove randomly through the streets of the city.

Almost every ten minutes he called Sienna for news, but so far no one had seen her or heard from her. He had also asked Sienna to call the police and all the hospitals to check if there had been any accidents involving an unknown young woman, but thank god nothing there either. Ethan didn’t really believe in God, but he sent prayers up in the air. His fear got worse by the minute and he saw images of her in his head: Casey run over by a car, Casey dead in a park, robbed, mugged, raped, Casey jumping off a bridge, floating in the river. Suddenly, he remembered something she had said to him as they walked on the beach in Miami.

“Water always has such a soothing effect on me. Whenever I’m troubled, I try to find time to sit by the water whether it’s the ocean, a lake or a river. That makes me feel better instantly.”

That was the last straw he clung to, although it was no easy task, because in Boston water seemed to be everywhere. He concentrated his search on all roads along the river, but it seemed hopeless to recognize someone in the dark through the heavy rain. The desperation lay heavy on him when at last he saw a figure sitting on a bench in the shimmer of a streetlamp. Ethan quickly pulled over, jumped out of the car and started running. He almost tripped in his haste.

Casey sat slumped in her seat, totally soaked, the wet fabric of her dress clung to her body. Her face was pale, her lips had turned blue, shivers ran through her body. Ethan stopped next to the bench, but she didn’t seem to notice him. She stared into the water in front of her.

Apparently, she was wasn’t hurt. Ethan felt great relief, a huge weight lifted from his shoulders. But now that he had found her, he was unsure, what to do. Would she even talk to him? Over and over again he had practiced what he wanted to tell her, but at that moment his mind went blank.

He hesitated, then took a step towards her.

“Casey….”

-----------------------------------

Part 4: “Don’t get her hopes up” (Ethan is taking care of Casey)

Tags: @queencarb @utterlyinevitable @schnitzelbutterfingers @nerdydinosaursweets @eramsey28 @mrsdrakewalkerblog @starrystarrytrouble

#ethan ramsey #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan x mc #casey valentine #playchoices #open heart

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stitchandani · 3 years

Note

Why didn’t Lilo show up to meet Stitch like they promised in 2019. Or at least tell him she couldn’t make it? I know the anime explained it, but from what I hear, it’s a pretty flimsy excuse.

Doverstar Excellent point. This is the big question, isn't it? She did show up, she was just too late. Lots of details under the cut! READ IT IF YOU WANT THE MAIN EXPLANATION, EVERYONE. I don't wanna repeat it a lot (but I will)!

When Lilo graduated college, she had about a day in between the ceremony and her flight back to Kauai to pack up, say goodbye to her schoolmates, and get on that plane. She went home to Kauai to be with her very pregnant sister Nani and brother-in-law, David, and to begin a brief, long-distance relationship with her fiancé, Zeke Lau.

Stitch was slated to return to Kauai in the evening a week after Lilo graduated and came home. He was coming back from his year-long missions in space given to him by the Galactic Alliance. Lilo was on Kauai before Stitch that day, but something happened to prevent her from meeting him until much, much later that night:

Nani went into labor that morning and had the baby (her son, Kai), but it was a hard birth. For one thing, Kai was premature, and for another, Nani had to have a C-section, which is pretty rough on a person. (Don't worry, no gory birthing details would ever be shown in the storyline or artwork! These are just details you'd need now.) The point is, the situation was so fragile, Lilo couldn't get away for ages. She opted to be with Nani during that evening, and knew she'd be late. She tried to get a message to Stitch (and to Pleakley, who was off-planet for a research trip). She didn't reach either of them (by this time Pleakley's ship had crashed on an asteroid belt, so he had no contact with anyone). Stitch didn't have a communicator on him; he had no idea that Nani had gone into labor that day. The last time he'd spoken to the family (the last time he'd had intergalactic service to reach Earth out in space) had been a week earlier. That evening, he had come right off the B.R.B 9,000 with Gantu and Reuben, having used teleportation devices to appear in Jumba and Pleakley's Bed-and-Not-Breakfast (their big red ship behind the house), because that was the quickest way to the beach where he was supposed to meet Lilo. Without pausing to say hello to Page, Gunner, or even Angel in the ship, he headed straight for the rendezvous point. Meanwhile, Lilo was stuck in the hospital further up inland on the island, trying simultaneously to reach Stitch and to find out where the doctors were taking baby Kai next for Nani. It was a super stressful day, to say the least, for all involved. I agree that the anime didn't provide a sufficient explanation for their split, other than the lines "Just because [Lilo] has [a] new boyfriend now and is all washed up with 626...." and "The Little Monster was given a mission by the Galactic Alliance" and "My sister Nani was having a baby and I couldn't get away". That and some flashback scenes in Season 3 Episode 23 were all we got, and it seems so lame and out-of-character that Lilo never called Stitch to tell him it was a misunderstanding, and that Stitch didn't wait as long as was necessary to see her again like they promised. That's why I made Stitch and Ani in 2010. I wanted all those hints we got in the anime to come together and make sense. I mean, why would Stitch not wait? Why did he give up? Why couldn't Lilo reach him? What would make them stop trying and split like that? The answer lies in 2 things: Lilo getting older, and Zeke Lau. I thought, there had to be some reason why Stitch would just leave like that when she didn't show up. There had to be more to the story. So I created more. Lilo and Stitch had been emotionally drifting apart ever since Lilo left for college. Stitch couldn't come with her, and though they called each other and stayed in touch, the addition of Lilo beginning a serious relationship with my character, Zeke, in college (hey, her daughter in the anime had to come from somewhere!) put a strain on their friendship. Stitch has always been the type of character to get bent out of shape when he feels that Lilo is forgetting him in favor of someone or something else. He gets angry, jealous, naughty, frustrated, very insecure. And Lilo has always been the type of character to prioritize other things over Stitch for a while before she realizes it's hurting him. Examples? I'LL GIVE YOU EXAMPLES. IT'S NOT OUT OF THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY THAT, GIVEN ENOUGH REASON, STITCH MIGHT LEAVE LIKE THAT. READ IT AND UGLY SOB, GUYS:

Stitch gets jealous of a puppy in one of Disney's story-collection books, in a story called Doggone It, Stitch!, and he feels like Lilo doesn't like him anymore because she's taking care of this actual puppy, so he feels forgotten and disappears, and Lilo finds him at the dog pound watching the puppies (she knew he'd be there, it's really cute) to find out how to act cute like they are so that, and I quote "Lilo like him again".

Stitch gets jealous of Finder in the series and tries to out-do him in everything, because Lilo gives Finder more respect and chances to preform than she does Stitch.

Stitch gets jealous of Mr. Stenchy in the series and literally allows Gantu to trash the house and steal him because Lilo gives him more attention than she does Stitch.

In Elastico (again, in the series), Stitch RUNS AWAY FROM HOME because Lilo's special hula dance has taken priority over him and his cousins, and Stitch feels left behind by her poor treatment of him and leaves the family!

In Phoon, he's furious that Lilo leaves him at the house to go and impress the new hula fusion girls in the gated community, and scoffs at Pleakley's fond observation that Lilo is "growing up".

In Stitch Has A Glitch, winning that contest to prove herself to her mom is suddenly the "most important thing in Lilo's life", and she doesn't see that Stitch has a huge problem and is malfunctioning, and she and Stitch fight and argue throughout the film, and he leaves the island (because he feels too dangerous to be around his Ohana) and Lilo never helped him figure out what was really going on. She was too preoccupied with feeling worthy of being her mother's daughter (fair).

Keoni Jameson is a pre-teen kid in the series on whom Lilo has an enormous crush, and in HunkaHunka, Morpholomew, Melty, and almost every other Keoni-centric episode, Stitch unabashedly displays his disdain for Lilo's crush. He thinks it's gross and silly and even though he tries to help Lilo win Keoni over several times, it's clear he doesn't approve. He crumples up her picture of Keoni and throws it in the trash. He makes gagging sounds when she sighs and fawns over him. He groans when Lilo puts off rehabilitating HunkaHunka so that she can spend time with Keoni. He never gets jealous, because Lilo doesn't really neglect Stitch for Keoni, but the idea of Lilo having a crush on someone isn't met by Stitch with anything resembling happiness or approval. Just tolerance.

Now, when Lilo is older and leaves for college and has new friends, Stitch understandably is unsettled at first and feels a little lost without her. Then she re-meets Zeke, and then they start dating, and suddenly Stitch is feeling more forgotten than ever. This isn't like Keoni. Lilo is actually in a relationship with this boy, and it moves fast, and they're headed toward marriage, and Stitch is wondering if things will ever be the same again. He doesn't want to hear about Zeke or talk about Zeke, and he's so rude and nasty about it that he and Lilo end up fighting a lot during the years she's in college. They both say horrible things to each other, and it gets so bad that by the time he's in space for those missions and she's in her last year of school, they still call one another but it feels like it's a risk just to have a conversation. So many things have been said over the years that they feel like they're on thin ice with each other, and everything is uncomfortable. They never resolve it, so it's always hanging over them. Stitch refuses to let Lilo share with him how things are going with Zeke (who she loves, and who is important to her, so that's not fair of Stitch as her best friend to do) and Lilo refuses to call Stitch's feelings anything other than petty jealousy (which is not true of Stitch's feelings, and that's not fair of Lilo not to take them seriously). So they are both wrong. But they never talk about it and confront the main problem, because neither of them want to give in even though they're both quietly hurt by the other all the time, so it's just this cloud hanging over them every time they talk. That's why, when Lilo doesn't show up on the beach, Stitch literally can't take it anymore. This is the final straw for him. Lilo didn't show up, and she promised to show up, and he waits until the sun is almost set and she's still not there and there's no word from her. Did she even come back to Kauai? Is she still on Honolulu with Zeke? She's forgotten all about him. She doesn't care about him. He gives up (he shouldn't, but he does), and he leaves his tiki necklace (which he promised never to take off in Leroy and Stitch, so it's a clear message to Lilo there, yup) on a branch where she can find it and leaves the planet, devastated. He goes on a joyride and doesn't really have a plan, and ignores one or two calls on the ship's communicators from Lilo (he's still crazy upset). Jumba goes after him after a day passes, but they get sucked into a black hole, which transports them 8 years into the future (unbeknownst to them), they end up somewhere else for three more years, reunite with Lilo, and the rest is Stitch and Ani. For Lilo's part, she finally gets away from the hospital when things have calmed down, and it's pouring rain and the sun has set, and she reaches the rendezvous point and Stitch is gone. She finds his necklace and realizes what that means, and she stays on Kauai for another week trying to get in touch with him. Jumba leaves to bring Stitch back and neither of them return. Lilo is absolutely crushed and tries everything she knows to get in contact with Stitch, but Stitch doesn't answer any of her calls. (She doesn't know he and Jumba got sucked into a black hole; Stitch might've answered those calls later if the black hole hadn't happened.) The fact that they've fought so often for 4 years now, and Stitch left his necklace behind and won't answer her when she tries to reach him, really hits her hard and communicates to her that he's never coming back and it's over. She doesn't see Pleakley or Jumba again either. You can imagine how much pain that causes Lilo, to be forgotten and left behind by her own Ohana. Suddenly it's just her, Nani, and David again (and Kai). She can't handle it. Being on the island with all of Stitch's cousins is too much, and Lilo runs from the reality that she might never see Stitch, Jumba, or Pleakley again, and goes to Honolulu to live indefinitely. She gets married to Zeke Lau, they have Ani, she reunites with Stitch years later, and the rest is S&A.

It follows what happened in the flashbacks and hints given by the anime, but you'll notice I didn't mention that Stitch and the others ended up on Izayoi after the black hole incident. This is because, while that is technically canon, Stitch and Ani is meant to be seen either way. They could have ended up on Japan. Or they could've ended up somewhere else. Either way, the theme of Stitch and Ani hinges on the fact that Lilo and Stitch were apart for so long. The theme is forgiveness, and that's why I kept the idea that Lilo and Stitch had a falling out, a misunderstanding, and split up for a while. He didn't have to meet Yuna or anything. But I wanted the anime's explanation to make a little more sense, and there is evidence for it if you work at it. So. That's the story. You'll get loads more details on it throughout the blog, but that is the reason why Lilo failed to meet Stitch.

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damnedparker · 4 years

Text

mother tongue

pairing: din djarin x reader (no y/n, gender neutral)

warnings: none really, just fluff. hurt/comfort. mention of death, like one swear word

summary: din is exhausted. you try to help him heal after the events on nevarro.

also posted on ao3

title inspired by this song which i heavily associate with din for mando’a reasons.

i’ve never posted my fics to tumblr before so be gentle with me.

“When’s the last time you slept?” You broke the silence you and your Mandalorian currently piloting the Razor Crest were sitting in after finally putting the Child down for the night; or, at least, the night on Nevarro, which you had just left. “Din.” You nudged his arm with your foot, as you were currently stretched out lazily in the co-pilot’s seat. The bounty hunter continued to stay silent, his visor staring straight ahead. You repeated his name a few times over the next few minutes that passed before finally chucking the stylus you were fiddling with at the side of his helmet, resulting in a loud clank. No response. You heaved out a sigh and stood up, walking right up to his side. “Din. Mando. Asshole. Respond to me.” You flicked his helmet again. This time it was a quiet thunk that resounded off the beskar.

“What?” Came a gruff, audibly tired voice.

“I asked you when the last time you slept was.” You reiterated, now resting your hand in the space between his neck and his pauldron. Even through the thicker, practical fabric of his undershirt, the heat from his skin warmed your hand. You felt his shoulders relax at your touch, his head tilting to the side slightly as if your hand had simply deflated him.

“I don’t know.” His words were genuine; he had no idea when the last time he got some real rest was. He was quick to follow up before you could even open your mouth to reply. “I’m fine. I had some caf before we left.”

“You’re not fine,” you narrowed your eyes at him. “Get up. I can fly the next few klicks we have until we jump to hyperspace.” Din shook his head. You held in another annoyed huff. Sometimes he was as stubborn as a child. You stood and observed him for a moment, noticing the stiff posture that had returned, as well as the slight swaying his body had taken on, probably from being drowsy while still sitting up. If you didn’t get him out of the pilot’s chair soon, you would both end up crash-landing on some random planet neither of you were familiar with. “Din,” you began, your voice gentle as ever. His attention returned from the foggy limbo that only days-upon-days of no sleep caused. “It’s okay to be tired, you know.” Especially with everything that happened today.

“I know.” He whispered, voice breaking. “Can you… sit with me? While you fly?” One of his hands left the controls to grasp your wrist. You nodded, ecstatic that he’d actually agreed to let you take over, and even more so to be able to spend the time resting with him.

He shifted back in his seat before gently pulling you down on his lap, not letting go of the controls until you were comfortably settled against him and you replaced where his hands had been tightly gripping, hoping not to drift off while flying the Crest. You didn’t have that much longer before you could jump into hyperspace, switching to autopilot for a while before you would reach the first planet Din had the tiniest hunch might lead to the Child’s species. It had been in the back of his mind for a while, and now that the Child was officially part of his clan, he figured it was time to jump on whatever small chance he had to find his right home.

Din didn’t say much as you focused on flying, both because of his tired state and because he didn’t really know what to say. He had almost lost you today, as well as the Child. You had almost lost him. To some kriffing Imps. If IG-11 wasn’t there, who knows what would have happened. He didn’t really want to think about it. You were here now, real and warm, sitting with him and taking over the controls just because he was tired. You were really a gift to him. Sometimes the bounty hunter questioned what in the universe decided that he was deserving to have someone in his life as good as you. You, his cyar’ika, his partner. At this point, the Child’s parent just as he was its father.

He was terrified. Terrified of loving you, terrified of losing you. Stars, he loved you. He hadn’t loved anything before you and the Child. A heartless, lonely bounty hunter on the run from his own emotions until he stumbled into you one day, a bored former rebel pilot drinking the days away in a cantina. You had accepted his offer of partnership in helping with a particularly grueling bounty job without hesitation. It was something new. You had ended up being a breath of fresh air for him, too.

One thing led to another and you were traveling the galaxy with him before the Child fell into your lives and threw a wonderful, green wrench into it all. It was the last straw that opened up the tension that had been building between the two of you, pushing your relationship into new territory, romantic territory, which was something completely foreign and unexpected for Din. And, oh, how he adored it.

And today he had almost lost it all.

Nevarro was a disaster. The losses of Kuiil and IG had dug themselves hard into his brain, and he felt so guilty, and so absolutely devastated. Kuiil was a good-hearted being, he had helped Din without question, multiple times and had given his life for the Child. IG had done much the same. He couldn’t help thinking how he could have lost you as well.

“Fallen asleep yet, shiny?” Your voice tugged him out of his thoughts, and he wrapped his arms tighter around your middle, shifting to sit up more. He refused to fall asleep while he had the ability to hold you, to make sure you were still there with him.

“I’m still awake.” He rubbed his thumb over the skin that had become exposed from your shirt riding up a bit when you leaned forward to flick a switch, preparing to make the jump into hyperspace. “Just thinking."

“What about?” You hummed, easing the ship into the jump before switching into autopilot. You didn’t get up from your spot in Din’s lap, only leaning backwards into his chest to get comfortable.

“Us,” he paused, voice becoming quieter. “Everything that happened today.” You nodded, taking one of his hands from its place at your hip and beginning to remove his glove.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I… I don’t know,” he told you truthfully. You moved on to remove his other glove. “Not particularly. Not right now.”

“That’s okay,” you set his gloves aside, taking one of your hands in his and reveling at the warmth of his rough skin against yours. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

“I know,” he leant his helmet against your forehead affectionately. “Thank you.” You pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles in reply before you stood, tugging him with you.

“Come on,” you led him out of the cockpit, down into the sad, tiny excuse the Crest had for living quarters. “Let me help you get cleaned up. And then we can sleep. We have a long commute, so we have plenty of time.” You began to remove the armor from his body, beskar dropping on the metal floor of the ship minute by minute before he was in his underclothes. You neatly piled up the armor and scooted it against the wall, to avoid tripping on it like the both of you often did when you actually did get to sleep. Then you left to retrieve a clean set of clothes for him to wear to bed, as well as a towel so he could use the ‘fresher. While you were gone, he removed his helmet, quickly peeling off his dirty clothes from the day, leaving him in his underwear. He stood there for a moment, staring at the beskar helmet in his hands before deciding not to put it back on. He called your name to signal you back in the room. “We should really get you some new clothes, these are—” You cut yourself off with a gasp when you saw the back of his head, immediately turning and squeezing your eyes shut. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t see anything, you-you called so I thought—”

“It’s okay, cyar’ika,” Din said softly, setting his hands on your hips and turning you towards him. He let out a chuckle when your eyes were still screwed shut. “I know. I wanted you to see.” He slipped his arms further around you, pulling you against him. “I love you. I want to be open with this part of myself with you. You deserve it.”

“Din, I-I,” you swallowed around the lump in your throat. “Don’t we have to be married for this not to break your creed?”

“Yes,” you felt his forehead gently make contact with yours, his breath fanning over your lips. “But only if that’s something you want.”

“It is. Of course it is.” You were surprised at the steadiness of your voice. Din was quiet, leaving you to put the pieces together in your head. Oh. “Right now?”

“I mean, if you want… we don’t have to, I was just—” You cut him off with a whisper of reassurance, nodding enthusiastically.

You had never been surer of anything else in your life as Din began to recite the Mandalorian wedding vows to you, and you repeated them almost too perfectly right after. Once it was done, you were both silent for a moment, when Din pressed his lips to yours in a chaste, passionate kiss.

“Open your eyes.” You finally gave in and obliged, taking in his face for the first time. You couldn’t get enough, bringing your hands up to hold his face and trace over his features. His beautiful hawkish nose that suited him incredibly well, his pouty lips framed by just the right amount of scruff. His brown eyes that shone with affection for you and his messy hair, flattened by his helmet and the amount of sweat and blood that had soaked it after today’s events. You brushed your thumbs over his cheeks and pressed another kiss to his lips, then the bridge of his nose.

“You need a shower.” Somehow that was the only thing you could get out of your mouth without crying.

“Thanks,” he replied with heavy sarcasm, but the smile that had overtaken his lips ruined every bit of his tone of voice. He pressed another soft kiss to your lips, nudging his nose against yours sweetly. “Join me?”

You nodded, following him into the refresher, hand held safely in his. Din helped you remove your equally dirty clothes, and him shedding his underwear, before you stepped under the hot shower. You wordlessly began to wash Din’s hair, loosening and rinsing away all the blood, sweat, and dirt while being careful around the back of his head. You parted the hair around the area you knew he’d been hit in, checking to see how the wound looked. It was healing, that was for certain thanks to the bacta spray, but stars, did it look absolutely awful. No wonder it had almost killed him. You took in a sharp breath before continuing to rinse his hair. Once you finished, Din stilled you from going for the soap next, taking one of your hands in his and caressing your chin with his free hand.

“Hey, look at me,” he tilted your face to his, holding your gaze intently. “I’m sorry I made you leave me. That’s a horrible responsibility to put on someone, and I know I wouldn’t have listened if the positions were swapped.”

“Don’t apologize, Din, you put the Child first,” you swallowed thickly, tears stinging your eyes. The all-too fresh memories flashed through your head; desperately looking over your shoulder at Din lying motionless, the heavy rise and fall of his chest the only thing signifying that he was still alive. The only parts of him with you as you were forced to leave had been the Child and the mythosaur necklace he had pressed into your hand. The gesture tugged at your heart just thinking about it. That necklace was a symbol of his protection, his love. “I wasn’t thinking. I just- I don’t want to lose you. I was scared, I—” He just nodded, the understanding and shared feelings showing in his scared, tired eyes. “I love you. Please know that.” He brought the hand he was grasping tightly to his chest, pressing it against his damp, warm skin. You could feel the steady beat of his heart against your palm, letting you relax. He was here, alive, with you.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, ner kar'ta,” his voice was gentle, but so strong. Direct. Spoken directly from his core. “Always.”

“I’m gonna guess that doesn’t mean ‘eat shit and die, laserbrain.’” You joked, pulling a chuckle from Din, warmth spreading all throughout your body at his words. The idea that this dangerous bounty hunter, so fierce he was considered the best in the parsec, would choose to be so vulnerable and gentle with you was unbelievable. His love was a privilege that could never be overstated.

The pair of you finished up your shower quite quickly, on account of you noticing Din’s eyes get heavier and heavier. Soon enough, the both of you were squeezed into the tiny cot, pressed up against each other. You snuggled into Din’s chest, the both of you on your sides, your legs trapped in a happy, tangled mess so you could be as close to each other as possible. No words were said, sleep having invaded the both of your minds far too much to form coherent words.

A sleepy kiss was pressed to your forehead, something you registered between consciousness and the limbo you were in as you were falling asleep. Before you fully gave in, you heard quiet snores coming from your Mandalorian next to you, whose arm was wrapped protectively around your waist, holding you against him. You didn’t need reassurances of “goodnight” or “I love yous” right now. Knowing the pair of you were still together, still alive, was more than enough for now.

mando’a translations:

cyar'ika: darling, sweetheart

ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, ner kar'ta: i love you, my heart

#din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x you #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian fanfic #din djarin fanfic #fluff #my fics #din djarin fluff #the mandalorian fluff

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kindofcashton · 4 years

Text

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕 • chapter 12 (Calum Hood AU)

SUNLIGHT GREETED ME when I fluttered my eyes open the next morning. The curtains were open and bright light was streaming into the room, causing me to squint against the rays. It must have been pretty late in the morning if it was this bright out.

Still groggy with sleep, I shifted my position and bumped into something warm and soft next to me. Frowning as I leaned up, the memories of last night suddenly flashed through my mind and I remembered what had happened. Or better yet, who had happened.

Calum’s lips, his hands, his voice, his touch. It had all been real, despite feeling like a dream. He had really kissed me like his whole life depended on it, and I had really invited him in to spend the night because I couldn’t bear the thought of watching him leave.

I propped up an elbow to lean on my hand, gazing at the man in bed next to me. He was flat on his stomach, one arm hooked around me and the other bent by his head. His long, thick lashes were closed in peaceful slumber, and I watched his back rise and fall with equal breaths. I reached out my fingers hesitantly, not wanting to wake him up. Gingerly, I moved a few curls off of his face and couldn’t help the small smile that came to my lips. Weirdly enough, I had no thoughts running through my mind. No worries, no fears, no concrete opinions. I just felt tranquil, and it was all thanks to the boy in bed with me.

Despite my gentle actions, Calum began to stir. He inhaled deeply, nose buried in the pillow as his eyes slowly peered over at me. For a brief second he didn’t seem to recognize me, but then a tired grin stretched across his mouth. He closed his eyes and sighed, mumbling, “Morning.”

I let my fingers drift down from his curls to his back, sliding across the smooth skin lazily. He hummed in appreciation, and my heart soared at the sound. “I think we overslept,” I whispered. “It’s almost noon.”

Calum finally opened his eyes fully, and flipped onto his back to stretch. I admired his sun-kissed muscles, lean and tone as he arched his spine. My lips pursed as he sat up, the covers falling away from him and causing a billow of cooler air to invade our pleasant bubble. He rubbed at his face, yawning. I picked at the corner of a pillow, feeling the tranquil mood ebbing with each passing second.

He glanced down at me, and his crooked smile made me feel a little better. “You think anybody noticed I wasn’t in my room?” I pushed at his thigh, chuckling as I laid back on the mattress. I was still exhausted, and wasn’t quite ready to leave our serene little set up.

But Calum clearly didn’t feel the same way. He swung his legs over the side of the bed to stand up, leaving me disappointed and absent of his touch. He hadn’t kissed me good morning, which I guess was fine. After all, the heated make out last night had been more than okay. But I sort of wanted him to show some sort of affection, which I knew wasn’t going to come now.

“Should we leave separately?” he asked, and I bit my lip, sliding up to lean against the headrest. My nod was short, and I didn’t watch him leave in fear it would truly ruin the last of my good mood.

You’re expectations were way too high, I scolded myself as I got out of bed. I changed into leggings and a sweatshirt as I tried to squash the disappointment slowly building inside. I had no reason to expect anything more from Calum, and if anything I should have felt satisfied. He’d opened up so much to me at the park, and then kissed me in a way that made me see stars. Spending the night in my bed was a cherry on top, and so I shouldn’t have felt anything other than elated this morning.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I inspected the subtle dark circles under my green eyes and the way my reddish brown hair appeared tousled. Calum had made out with this? I thought, grimacing at how exhausted I looked. I should’ve gotten the best sleep of my life last night, but for some reason I felt more tired than ever.

Since it was so late we’d missed breakfast, I thought everyone would have already left for the day. But as I stepped into the hallway and began to trod down the stairs, I heard the unmistakable voices of Ashton and Hannah yelling. What now? When had he come back?

“I don’t know why you’re yelling at me, I just came over to see my friends.” This was Ashton, his tone cold and dripping with malice, like he was mocking Hannah. I could see the frustration boiling off of her as I approached the living room, spotting Luke, Michael, and Calum sitting together like prisoners as they watched their friends fight.

“Because you won’t even talk to me! I’m trying to make things better and you’re just trying to hang with your boys!” Hannah was gesturing madly, the way she did when she was really angry. Ashton’s expression was blank, and I could just imagine how frustrated this made her.

“I don’t feel like making things better when you’re lying all the time,” he retorted. “I’d rather spend my time with people who don’t bullshit me for weeks.”

Hannah let out a scratchy laugh, raking her fingers through her hair. “Do you hear yourself right now? You’re such an immature child you can’t even try to make things work with a mature conversation.”

Something about this set Ashton off, and his voice got louder and harsher. “Oh, I’m the immature child? You’re the one who flunked out of school and lied about it! You really think you’re the adult here?”

The whole room went dead silent; my jaw dropped, and I suppressed a gasp. Even I felt how much that blow hurt Hannah, who visibly stumbled back away from the boy who was supposed to love her. I couldn’t see her face from where I was standing, but I knew she was devastated.

Hannah’s hands balled into fists. “So that’s how it is,” she uttered, her voice weak. “I’m just too stupid for you to want to fix this.”

Ashton sighed loudly, as if his patience with her was wearing thin. “Is that so crazy? I mean, come on, tell me.” He gestured to the guys for their opinion. “Why should I put up with her bullshit?”

They said nothing. Luke shifted uncomfortably, and Michael looked at the floor. Calum’s face was unreadable as he watched the fight unfold. After seeing their lack of response, Ashton turned to me. “What about you, huh? You’re also a liar, so maybe you understand Hannah better than the rest of us.”

I winced at his accusation, knowing it was true but shocked at how much it hurt. My eyes shifted to Calum for a heartbeat, and maybe I imagined it, but I thought I saw him tense at Ashton’s scathing words. Taking a deep breath, I stood my ground. “I think Hannah was in an impossible situation. I think she’s human, and she reacted the only way she knew how.”

Ashton shook his head. “No, that’s no excuse. People shouldn’t be allowed to lie because it’s the easy way out.” His eyes were steely as he regarded me cruelly. “You’re part of this problem, you know. You’re a fucking liar too, and you let her lie to all of us. This is your fault too.”

I felt all of the oxygen leave my lungs, and Hannah let out a cry of surprise. Calum shot up from the couch, and pushed passed Ashton with a shove of his shoulder.

“Figure your shit out,” he snapped at his best friend, glancing to Hannah next. “Stop getting everyone else fucking wrapped up in it.” He stalked over to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the line of fire and then out the front door.

“Calum--” I started, head whirling and heart pounding. I’d never had someone be that mad at me before, and thinking of Ashton’s expression made me feel sick. Calum ignored my plea as he got into his car and fired up the ignition. I decided I should just go along with him, as anything would be better than staying to witness more fighting.

We drove for a long time. I didn’t know where the hell we were going, and I didn’t really care. I curled up in the passenger seat and leaned against the window, shutting my eyes in an attempt to shut out the world. Calum’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he gripped it tightly, eyes glued to the road as we drove for miles down a highway. The radio was off, for which I was grateful. I just needed to breathe and collect my strength.

Eventually he pulled off onto a quieter road and we stopped at a diner. It was fairly run-down and crowded with truckers taking a break from a long haul, but I didn’t care. We didn’t say much to each other, speaking only to order sodas and two grilled cheeses. When the food came we had a good excuse to be quiet, and I ate my sandwich slowly in order to prolong it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up about how Calum had practically jumped to my defense once Ashton got mean, how he grabbed my hand and took me far away from the pain in that living room.

When I’d eaten half my sandwich, I leaned back in the booth and looked through the window outside. Cars whizzed by on the highway, and I watched them for what felt like years. And then I turned back to Calum, meeting his eyes as he too paused in eating. I guess we do need to talk.

My hands fidgeted on the tabletop, and I bit my lip before speaking. “Do you think I’m a liar too?” I asked plainly, not beating around the bush. I wanted to know if more people agreed with Ashton, that this whole mess was also my fault.

He toyed with the straw of his soda, clearly uncomfortable himself. “Well, you did lie. That makes you a liar.” He sounded matter-of-fact, just stating the truth. I guess I couldn’t hold this against him.

“But...do you understand why? I lied for a reason--we lied for a reason.”

Calum shrugged. “Yeah, but was it a good reason?” I frowned at his rebuttal, but he continued. “Shouldn’t you have trusted Ashton to be there for her? After all, the two of them are in a relationship. Relationships are about transparency and trust, right?”

The way he was reflecting the question back onto me made me shift in my seat. Hearing him talk about relationships made my skin hot, as I truly had no idea what to say. Hannah thought she was doing the right thing, and my job as her best friend was to support her. Besides, I didn’t know Ashton at the time, so I had no idea what kind of guy he was or if he’d be able to support Hannah through a hard time.

I picked at my grilled cheese crust, avoiding Calum’s expectant eyes. “It’s just so infuriating. All they need to do is talk to each other, figure out what the real issue is. She lied because she felt embarrassed, but where did that embarrassment come from? Obviously the relationship had flaws before all of this, so of course something big would blow it up. I just--Ashton should be open to having a conversation about where it all went wrong, get to the root of the problem. Yelling and being pissed won’t solve anything, if they’d just try to fix--”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” Calum interrupted suddenly. He sounded incredulous, and was looking at me like I had five heads. “Why are you psychoanalyzing every little detail of their relationship? It’s not your responsibility to fix them.”

I frowned. “Yeah, but I want to help--”

“Why? Why are you so goddamned obsessed with fixing people’s problems?” Something told me he’d wanted to ask me this long before today, but the opportunity had only just arisen. I swallowed a lump in the back of my throat, worried about how tense we’d both gotten.

“You’ve seen all my psych books,” I reminded him. “Why do you think I’m studying them? I was going to school to try to become a social worker, or a counselor. I want to help people, I like helping people.”

He snorted, making me flinch. “A social worker.” Calum sounded so angry all of a sudden, his usual smirk replaced with a deep scowl. “You know those people are goddamn useless, right?”

I felt like a weak little girl trying to stand up to a big bad bully. “N-no, I don’t. I think they’re important, they help people. They help families when things are tough. It’s a noble profession.” I was almost self-conscious of telling him about my future career plans; they meant a lot to me, and were still what I strove to achieve every day.

Calum just shook his head. “They don’t do shit for people, Scarlett.”

If I was self-conscious before, now I was just plain angry. “Who are you to judge them, Calum? You know, maybe you’ve got a problem yourself. You’re so freaking closed off it’s infuriating.”

His fist slammed on the table, making our plates clank. I flushed, feeling the stares of other diners on us. But Calum didn’t care as he sent me a seething glare. “You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, so shut up.” His voice was icy, but it only fueled my fire.

“No! Don’t tell me to shut up! I said something you didn’t want to hear and now you’re denying it so you don’t have to deal with it!” Classic defense mechanism, I thought, but knew that if I said that he’d really lose it.

Calum let out a heaving sigh, clearly worked up and trying to contain his fury. Normally I’d be scared of his anger, but now all I wanted was to confront it. He looked at me without saying anything for a while, but I didn’t back down. I faced him with my own glare, thinking about how the boy I’d slept next to was nowhere to be found. How had those lips, set so low in a scowl right now, kissed me so deeply last night?

I thought he wasn’t going to say anything else, he was quiet for so long. But then he began shredding his napkin, and I knew something big was coming. “Didn’t you notice how I didn’t mention my father yesterday? That I only talked about my mom?”

I nodded, holding my breath.

“That’s because my father was a piece of shit who left us when I was five. Just got up and left one day, never came back. Made my mom about lose her fucking mind, to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore. She was so distraught and desperate to find him, she told me to get in the car one day and we just drove. For days, we drove to look for him. We lived in the fucking car, slept in it and ate cheap food in the backseat. And we never even found the bastard. Of course, the fucking authorities found out and had a field day. They claimed my mother was endangering a minor and wanted to take me away from her. It was the social workers who blamed her for being irresponsible, who didn’t take into consideration that she was heartbroken. The man who was supposed to be with her through sickness and fucking health had abandoned her. How are you supposed to just get over something like that?”

As his words sank in, pain blossomed in my chest. Pain for this damaged, angry boy who had to watch his mother fall apart at too young an age. Who had to take care of her when it was her job to take care of him. No wonder they barely spoke now; his face probably haunted her, reminding her of the man who left her.

Tears pinched at my eyes, as Calum finished his story hoarsely. “In the end, my father leaving was the best fucking thing to ever happen to her. She met a new guy, got married, started a happy little family with him. She’s fine now, and I’m just the screwed up kid who no one wants around because I remind them all of him, and what he did to us.” In a flash of anger, Calum threw money on the table to pay for our food and stormed out of the restaurant.

Stunned, I stayed at the table for a few seconds just to breathe. And then I stumbled out of the door myself, into the windy afternoon air.

He was leaning against the side of his car, hands shoved in his pockets as his stony eyes watched the horizon. I walked up to him slowly, not wanting to startle him. Like he was a wounded animal and one wrong move would send him running in the opposite direction, when all I wanted was to be close to him.

I stopped next to him, and leaned back to match his posture. My shoulder just brushed his arm, a subtle show of solidarity. I wondered if speaking was the right idea, if this moment needed any explanation. I gave it a few minutes, letting as much of his anger seep out as possible.

Turning to face him, I pulled my lips into my mouth and contemplated which words to use. I needed him to know how I felt, but suddenly I had no idea what to say, or how to say it. Sighing, I finally decided. “Calum...” Just saying his name made a stab of pain hit my heart. “I’ll never be able to understand what you went through. I can try, but it’ll never be enough. It kills me that you have to feel this way alone, but I’m telling you...” I harnessed all of my strength in this moment, and stood tall. “I want to make a change in this world. I want to help kids like you, who felt alone and stranded and like the whole world was against them. I want to heal families, not tear them apart. I know I overthink things and meddle and try to fix everyone, but I swear I do it because I care. Because I care about you.”

He didn’t react, which would usually discourage me. But in this moment I had nothing to lose, so to prove my point I reached up and pulled his head closer to mine, and I kissed him.

Calum’s body tensed in surprise, but in a few seconds he relaxed into the kiss. His arms wrapped around my body in a tight embrace, and I looped my hands around his neck to bring him closer. The kiss wasn’t deep, and it wasn’t going anywhere, but more emotions were spilling out of us than ever before. With every shift of my lips I wanted him to feel how much I cared, how much I needed him to know I was here for him.

My body tingled lightly with his soothing touch, his hands grazing up and down my back. I held his face in my hands, leaning back to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. His eyes stayed closed, lashes fluttering as I finally pulled away, keeping our foreheads pressed together. We breathed together, and even though he said nothing I felt the relief and gratitude pouring out of him as he held me, and it was all I needed.

The drive back felt like five minutes. I wished it felt longer, so Calum and I could bask in this glow for infinity. The way our bodies just fit together felt so right, and all I wanted was to take that kiss even further. But we knew the reality of our situation, and so when we walked back into the house we mentioned nothing of our afternoon together.

Ashton was gone, and Hannah was downstairs. Luke and Michael looked thoroughly confused when they saw us come in, and I could tell they had a million questions for us.

“What’s up with you two lately?” Luke questioned, making me panic. What did Calum think about it? What should we tell them? What even was up with us?

But Calum looked more relaxed than ever as he flopped onto the sofa, switching on the TV. “Nothing,” he replied nonchalantly. “Just didn’t feel like listening to all the yelling.”

As I tried to ignore how much his simple nothing hurt, Michael sighed from the kitchen. “Tell me about it, man. Shit’s crazy around here.”

I couldn’t stomach the idea of listening to their stupid bro talk, too hurt by Calum’s unaffected attitude to stick around. So I trudged down the stairs to meet Hannah, and what I saw surprised me. She was all dressed up and ready to go, with a skin tight dress and heels that had only one destination. When she saw me she grinned and threw a dress at me, along with a pair of heels.

Before I could say anything, she interrupted. “Don’t object, don’t complain, just do it. I need to go out, and I need you to go out with me. Getting drunk is more fun with you, anyway.”

I didn’t have the heart to say no to her. So in a matter of minutes I had changed, swiped on some makeup, and put my hair up in a somewhat acceptable style. I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing, other than that Hannah needed me. So when we went upstairs to say goodbye to the guys, I was surprised to see Calum’s expression turn from uncaring to almost angry.

He followed us to the front door, and spoke in a low tone so the guys couldn’t hear. “Where the hell are you going?” he hissed, studying my face as I struggled to come up with an answer. Hannah didn’t wait for me as she went out to see if the uber had arrived, and I rubbed my arm awkwardly.

“She isn’t feeling great, and so we thought we’d try to have fun...” I realized how stupid it sounded, and I also realized how much I wanted to stay here with Calum. His eyebrows raised disbelievingly at my reply, before he wiped all emotion from his face and backed up.

“Fine, do what you want,” he spat. I ignored the pang of regret in my heart as I watched him storm away, waiting until he disappeared into the living room before stepping outside

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notcanoncompliant · 4 years

Text

Ain’t On the Surface

(WinterIron) I wrote this one a while back, please be kind lol

*************************

"You're leaving me for him?" Steve exclaims, anger quickly overtaking the hurt disbelief on his face.

James' jaw is so tight he's surprised his teeth aren't cracking. "No, Stevie." He pretends not to see Steve flinch at the nickname. "I'm leaving because you lied. You knew I murdered his parents, and you lied. You lied to me, you lied to Tony. There are other things, but, I just--" James hesitates, looks down, swallows. "You're not the guy I fell in love with, anymore."

He looks back up.

And that's it.

That's the end of the Great American Love Story, the legendary, 'star-spangled romance' that spanned almost ten decades. Through war, through incalculable violence and years of separation, after an impossible, insane reunion, and, fuck, an engagement--James winces internally--it's over.

He pulls off the ring and sets it down on the kitchen island between them. Steve makes a sound like the wind's been knocked out of him. His expression fits: shock, breathlessness, pain.

"It's over, Steve."

***

James isn't sure how long he's been hitting the reinforced bag; he'd lost track after the first hour.

Tony finds him.

"Hey, Armed and Dangerous, those bags don't grow on trees, you know."

James stops, halts the swing of the bag. He steels himself a moment, and then smirks over this shoulder.

"Yeah, well, a certain benefactor of mine has more money than God himself, and probably more brains than that; I'm sure he could find a way to make it happen."

It earns him a chuckle, and part of James preens in spite of his mood.

"Seems like a worthwhile endeavor," Tony says. He stops a couple feet from James and looks at him. His eyes are warm, but concerned; searching.

"You okay, Frosty?"

James gives him a tight smile, and turns back to the bag.

"I--uh. I ended things. With Steve." He chews his lip for a moment. Inhaling audibly, he turns back to face Tony, who looks dumbfounded. James shrugs one shoulder, sighs.

"It was coming a while. Just counting down to that last straw, you know?" He huffs a laugh.

"It never really occurred to me; us not being a unit. 'Til the end of the line', and all that." The ache radiates through James' chest, and he fights the urge to hug himself. He doesn't really want to bring Tony into this; it's not Tony's problem. It'd be easier to just push this aside for a little while and be superficial with the snarky genius.

He looks up, intending to crack some joke to steer them away from the storm that is James Barnes' personal life, but the words die on his tongue.

Tony looks...guilty.

Well, a mix of things, really: guilt is the most prominent, but there's disbelief and surprise, worry and....hope?

Before James can address any of what he's seeing, Tony's face shutters. His dark eyes go flat, tense, and his press-mask sympathetic smile doesn't reach them.

"Sorry, Buckaroo. That's rough stuff. I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any of that Asgardian stuff laying around--I've got scotch. Wouldn't do much for you, but symbolically..."

James doesn't know what to say.

The billionaire keeps going. "Or vodka, if you're looking for a taste of the motherland--"

"Tony."

"--all I'm saying is we've got options, Barnes, options. They're limited to various kinds of liquor at the moment, but if you're looking for something in particular, I'm sure we could--"

"Stark."

Tony pulls up short, jaw clicking shut.

Bucky closes his eyes, suddenly tired. He wipes a hand down his sweat-tacky face, and looks to the side, over the other man's shoulder. Opens and closes his mouth wordlessly for a moment, and then:

"It was hard. But...you know something?"

He pauses. His skin feels too tight. Tony doesn't say anything.

"It wasn't as hard as it should have been."

The other man's silence is somehow both encouraging and nerve-wracking, and James can't quite work up the courage to look him in the face. He swallows, the click of his throat loud in the empty gymnasium.

"I feel like I should've been...devastated, broken, after...At just the thought of doing it," James says. "But I--I wasn't."

Suddenly, he needs Tony to know, needs to tell someone, that maybe Bucky Barnes didn't survive the fall from that train; not in the ways that count.

James inhales sharply, flexes his hands in and out of fists at his sides, builds it up...and then the wind goes out of his sails.

"It should've been harder," he finishes, lamely.

There's so much more he wants to say, but he doesn't think he could muster up the energy or the guts to pour it all out right now. He doesn't know if he could make it through the reveal, the truth of the matter.

Steve had wanted Bucky, that silver-tongued sniper, the childhood best friend and lover he'd known so well, and James had tried to give it to him. He really had. He'd stayed close, reminisced, fought and ate and slept by his side. The newness of the modern world had given him an excuse, something to blame for the growing distance and discomfort. But denial...denial's a weak veneer, and James has never been the type to hide.

(He'd laughed bitterly about it in private; the bullheadedness being the one thing he did feel comfortable attributing to the man he used to be.)

He is aching; not because he'd left the man he'd loved his entire life, but because of guilt--because he couldn't convince himself to stay. He's been beating himself to hell since the moment he looked up at Steve and felt...nothing.

"--ey, Barnes," Tony's voice cuts through the silence.

The soldier looks up at the other man.

The genius is projecting perfect ease, posture relaxed, both hands held up and open, his face just the same. His eyes are cautious, but the soldier can't really blame him for that. Not right now, when even James is a little worried he might fly apart.

Now that he's got his attention, Tony nods, licks his lips--the only sign of nerves.

"I didn't wanna do it without saying something," he says, "but I'm gonna put my hand on your shoulder, now; is that alright?"

After a pause, James nods shortly.

Then, as if in a dream, he watches his own hands reach forward to gather the smaller man to his chest.

To his intense (but foggy) satisfaction, there's only a moment of stiffness before Tony settles without protest. One of his arms slides up between James' shoulder blades while the other wraps tightly around the soldier's waist. He can feel Tony's breath against the side of his neck.

There's a hesitant, open energy between them, but neither man speaks.

James holds on for a while.

***

There are a few days of awkwardness after the embrace in the gym ("Um. Well," Tony'd coughed, "that's about all the Christmas spirit I think I can handle, Frosty," and he'd practically run from the room), but they fall back into their normal dynamic of easy, casual companionship fairly quickly.

James is incredibly grateful for the genius' quips and comments throughout leisure time and training alike, and the light conversation when Tony tinkers with the arm, because his other relationships are not rebounding nearly so well.

He only really has history with Sam and Natasha, and thankfully they're both of the mind to mind their own business, and interact with him per usual (Sam, slightly less so), but the others...the others radiate disapproval. They mostly just cold-shoulder him: avoid bringing him into conversations, find reasons to leave the room if he walks in. They're not giving him the stink-eye or anything, but they're not really going out of their way to be subtle, either.

At the opposite end of the spectrum are Tony's friends. Rhodes, and Spider Kid, and a few others that don't live at the compound. They're people who are unfailingly supportive of Tony, and the billionaire must have said something, because suddenly, they're supporting James, too. They draw him into their midst without him realizing.

On weekends Peter visits, James has a teenager-shaped satellite.

On the rare days Rhodes stops by the compound, the colonel goes out of his way to trade quips with James over coffee, ropes him into his and Tony's easy back-and-forth schoolyard ribbing.

The first time Ms. Potts greets him casually by his first name ("James," she says, smiling warmly and professionally), he has to resist the urge to look over his shoulder to check for the person she was actually addressing.

Hell, even Tony's driver, Happy, acknowledges him with a casual nod when they cross paths.

James definitely could've struck out on his own long ago; he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself (his solo stint after his last escape from HYDRA was evidence enough of that). Now, with these steadily forming relationships...He's grateful for the reasons to stay.

He finally feels like he's living James' life, not trying to carry on Bucky Barnes' legacy.

Through all of this, Steve is...there.

James can't be around him, around the broken looks Steve keeps sending his way. He doesn't want Steve to figure out that James isn't hurting for the same reason he is. He may not love the man, or see him the way he used to...but he's not soulless.

But after a few weeks, Steve starts trying to reach out.

Little things: popping up in the gym at the same time James is in there by himself, appearing in the rooms he happens to be in. James is beginning to suspect Steve might be asking FRIDAY about his whereabouts.

This has the opposite effect of what he knows Steve's going for. It pushes James to go where Steve can't.

The first time he shows up at the door to the workshop after everything, without an prosthetic-related issue, he's not sure he'll be welcome. He is, after all, another reason most of the team has chosen to attempt to alienate Tony further, and even if it's not something he's doing himself, he's still kind of the root of another one of Tony's problems.

His concern (fear) is laid to rest as soon as he touches the indicated scanner and the door slides open with zero pause. He steps into the room, stares around in awe for a moment (he'll never get used to the future he sees in this room), and then his eyes fall on the man at the main work station, and his heart kicks in his chest.

Tony looks...really good. Great. He's digging around in one of the suits in nothing but a tight white tank top and old worn jeans, streaks of grease scattered over his exposed skin, a light sheen all over from the exertion involved in the physical labor of machine repair.

When Tony turns to reach for something, it puts James in his line of sight, and after a flare of surprise, he smiles with open warmth.

Fine, Tony doesn't look good. He looks loveable. And fuckable.

The genius calls up to FRIDAY to turn down the music and strides towards James.

"Hey, Tasty Freeze, what's up? This a visit or a hideout?"

He says it so cavalier, like he isn't being put through the ringer by the things James has done, and it makes James want to hug him again.

"Why can't it be both?"

"Touche. I'm at a good stopping point anyway--by that I mean FRIDAY and Pep are both demanding I take a break--so how about you give me another reason to stop for a while?"

It's innocent, definitely just the inventor offering to eat some lunch or just sit and shoot the shit, but a light flush that has nothing to do with work blooms across Tony's cheeks.

James' sharp eyes track the physical manifestations of this man's desire for him, the signs Tony always tries to keep hidden: the flush, the dilation of his pupils, the almost jitters, the aborted reaching motions and the way his eyes cling to different parts of James' anatomy when he thinks the soldier won't notice.

He notices. He's always noticed. But he's never pushed or mentioned any of it.

Now, he stalks forward into Tony's space, confident, but carefully monitoring the man's reactions in case the advance is unwelcome.

Tony's eyes go wide, but he doesn't step back.

God, he's adorable. He lights a fire in James that hasn't been lit since before HYDRA, since before all of the bullshit with the return of the 'Rogues'. Through all of his internal conflict, through all of his uncertainty about his place in this new order that's been established here at the compound, he's never really doubted Tony's support. It's why he'd opened up so easily after everything, and why he's here now, staring down at the smaller man, the smaller man who is actually so much bigger than all of the people who try or have tried to crush him down.

"I can give you plenty of reasons," James says, smirking as he pulls the genius into a kiss.

*******************

Everything Tag List: @the-amazing-spidertwink, @starkercrossedlovers, @silkystark, @hoeforthegays

(I hope y’all don’t mind I’m tagging you on this not-Starker nonsense)

#winteriron #starkerflowers fic #tony stark x bucky barnes #tony x bucky

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