#which i feel is a very valid reason. however | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vaspider · 5 months

Text

In defense of retellings & reimaginings

I'm not going to respond to the post that sparked this, because honestly, I don't really feel like getting in an argument, and because it's only vaguely even about the particular story that the other post discussed. The post in question objected to retellings of the Rape of Persephone which changed important elements of the story -- specifically, Persephone's level of agency, whether she was kidnapped, whether she ate seeds out of hunger, and so on. It is permissible, according to this thesis, to 'fill in empty spaces,' but not to change story elements, because 'those were important to the original tellers.' (These are acknowledged paraphrases, and I will launch you into the sun if you nitpick this paragraph.)

I understand why to the person writing that, that perspective is important, and why they -- especially as a self-described devotee of Persephone -- feel like they should proscribe boundaries around the myth. It's a perfectly valid perspective to use when sorting -- for example -- which things you choose to read. If you choose not to read anything which changes the elements which you feel are important, I applaud you.

However, the idea that one should only 'color in missing pieces,' especially when dealing with stories as old, multi-sourced, and fractional as ancient myths, and doing so with the argument that you shouldn't change things because those base elements were important to the people who originally crafted the stories, misses -- in my opinion -- the fundamental reason we tell stories and create myths in the first place.

Forgive me as I get super fucking nerdy about this. I've spent the last several years of my life wrestling with the concept of myths as storytelling devices, universality of myths, and why myths are even important at all as part of writing on something like a dozen books (a bunch of which aren't out yet) for a game centered around mythology. A lot of the stuff I've written has had to wrestle with exactly this concept -- that there is a Sacred Canon which cannot be disrupted, and that any disregard of [specific story elements] is an inexcusable betrayal.

Myths are stories we tell ourselves to understand who we are and what's important to us as individuals, as social groups, and as a society. The elements we utilize or change, those things we choose to include and exclude when telling and retelling a story, tell us what's important to us.

I could sit down and argue over the specific details which change over the -- at minimum -- 1700 years where Persephone/Kore/Proserpina was actively worshiped in Greek and Roman mystery cults, but I actually don't think those variations in specific are very important. What I think is important, however, is both the duration of her cults -- at minimum from 1500 BCE to 200CE -- and the concept that myths are stories we tell ourselves to understand who we are and what's important to us.

The idea that there was one, or even a small handful, of things that were most important to even a large swath of the people who 'originally' told the store of the Rape of Persephone or any other 'foundational' myth of what is broadly considered 'Western Culture,' when those myths were told and retold in active cultic worship for 1700 years... that seems kind of absurd to me on its face. Do we have the same broad cultural values as the original tellers of Beowulf, which is only (heh) between 1k-1.3k years old? How different are our marital traditions, our family traditions, and even our language? We can, at best, make broad statements, and of inclusive necessity, those statements must be broad enough as to lose incredible amounts of specificity. In order to make definitive, specific statements, we must leave out large swaths of the people to whom this story, or any like it, was important.

To move away from the specific story brought up by the poster whose words spun this off, because it really isn't about that story in particular, let's use The Matter of Britain/Arthuriana as our framing for the rest of this discussion. If you ask a random nerd on Tumblr, they'd probably cite a handful of story elements as essential -- though of course which ones they find most essential undoubtedly vary from nerd to nerd -- from the concept that Camelot Always Falls to Gawain and the Green Knight, Percival and the grail, Lancelot and Guinevere...

... but Lancelot/Guinevere and Percival are from Chrétien de Troyes in the 12th century, some ~500 years after Taliesin's first verses. Lancelot doesn't appear as a main character at all before de Troyes, and we can only potentially link him to characters from an 11th century story (Culhwch and Olwen) for which we don't have any extant manuscripts before the 15th century. Gawain's various roles in his numerous appearances are... conflicting characterizations at best.

The point here is not just that 'the things you think are essential parts of the story are not necessarily original,' or that 'there are a lot of different versions of this story over the centuries,' but also 'what you think of as essential is going to come back to that first thesis statement above.' What you find important about The Matter of Britain, and which story elements you think can be altered, filed off or filled in, will depend on what that story needs to tell you about yourself and what's important to you.

Does creating a new incarnation of Arthur in which she is a diasporic lesbian in outer space ruin a story originally about Welsh national identity and chivalric love? Does that disrespect the original stories? How about if Arthur is a 13th century Italian Jew? Does it disrespect the original stories if the author draws deliberate parallels between the seduction of Igerne and the story of David and Bathsheba?

Well. That depends on what's important to you.

Insisting that the core elements of a myth -- whichever elements you believe those to be -- must remain static essentially means 'I want this myth to stagnate and die.' Maybe it's because I am Jewish, and we constantly re-evaluate every word in Torah, over and over again, every single year, or maybe it's because I spend way, way too much time thinking about what's valuable in stories specifically because I write words about these concepts for money, but I don't find these arguments compelling at all, especially not when it comes to core, 'mainstream' mythologies. These are tools in the common toolbox, and everybody has access to them.

More important to me than the idea that these core elements of any given story must remain constant is, to paraphrase Dolly Parton, that a story knows what it is and does it on purpose. Should authors present retellings or reimaginings of the Rape of Persephone or The Matter of Britain which significantly alter historically-known story elements as 'uncovered' myths or present them as 'the real and original' story? Absolutely not. If someone handed me a book in which the new Grail was a limited edition Macklemore Taco Bell Baja Blast cup and told me this comes directly from recently-discovered 6th century writings of Taliesin, I would bonk them on the head with my hardcover The Once & Future King. Of course that's not the case, right?

But the concept of canon, historically, in these foundational myths has not been anything like our concept of canon today. Canon should function like a properly-fitted corset, in that it should support, not constrict, the breath in the story's lungs. If it does otherwise, authors should feel free to discard it in part or in whole.

Concepts of familial duty and the obligation of marriage don't necessarily resonate with modern audiences the way that the concept of self-determination, subversion of unreasonable and unjustified authority, and consent do. That is not what we, as a general society, value now. If the latter values are the values important to the author -- the story that the author needs to tell in order to express who they are individually and culturally and what values are important to them* -- then of course they should retell the story with those changed values. That is the point of myths, and always has been.

Common threads remain -- many of us move away from family support regardless of the consent involved in our relationships, and life can be terrifying when you're suddenly out of the immediate reach and support of your family -- because no matter how different some values are, essential human elements remain in every story. It's scary to be away from your mother for the first time. It's scary to live with someone new, in a new place. It's intimidating to find out that other people think you have a Purpose in life that you need to fulfill. It's hard to negotiate between the needs of your birth family and your chosen family.

None of this, to be clear, is to say that any particular person should feel that they need to read, enjoy, or appreciate any particular retelling, or that it's cool, hip and groovy to misrepresent your reworking of a myth as a 'new secret truth which has always been there.' If you're reworking a myth, be truthful about it, and if somebody told you 'hey did you know that it really -- ' and you ran with that and find out later you were wrong, well, correct the record. It's okay to not want to read or to not enjoy a retelling in which Arthur, Lancelot and Guinevere negotiate a triad and live happily ever after; it's not really okay to say 'you can't do that because you changed a story element which I feel is non-negotiable.' It's okay to say 'I don't think this works because -- ' because part of writing a story is that people are going to have opinions on it. It's kind of weird to say 'you're only allowed to color inside these lines.'

That's not true, and it never has been. Greek myths are not from a closed culture. Roman myths are not sacrosanct. There are plenty of stories which outsiders should leave the hell alone, but Greek and Roman myths are simply not on that list. There is just no world in which you can make an argument that the stories of the Greek and Roman Empires are somehow not open season to the entire English-speaking world. They are the public-est of domain.

You don't have to like what people do with it, but that doesn't make people wrong for writing it, and they certainly don't have to color within the lines you or anyone else draws. Critique how they tell the story, but they haven't committed some sort of cultural treachery by telling the stories which are important to them rather than the stories important to someone 2500 years dead.

****

*These are not the only reasons to tell a story and I am not in any way saying that an author is only permitted to retell a story to express their own values. There are as many reasons to tell a story as there are stories, and I don't really think any reason to create fiction is more or less valid than any other. I am discussing, specifically, the concept of myths as conveyors of essential cultural truths.

2K notes · View notes

bolognamayhem117 · 12 days

Text

Hot Take: Astarion does NOT hate flowers. You just missed a few subtle hints through Act 1 and early Act 3.

Astarion's negativity is directed toward just about anything remotely pleasant as you move through early act three, starting the moment you leave Wyrm's Rock. First thing after Gortash's coronation he marvels near tears at the colors of the city in daylight. If you ask if he's alright, it pisses him off.

There's other instances I can't quite remember but he's a straight crank throughout early Act 3 and it took me several hours of gameplay to have a lightbulb moment about his newly crappier attitude.

He just spent the last two hundred years seeing everything in the overwhelmingly warm dim tones of indoor lighting via sconces, rushlights, and braziers, or the dingy blue gray of moonlight outside. Daylight colors are something he had more than a lifetime to forget and now that he has a chance to remember that vibrancy in his own home town, he knows he's going to have to forget it all over again either by death or by remaining a vampire spawn forever. The worm isn't going to live rent free in his head forever, and killing Cazador to ascend in his place likely feels like an insurmountable and impossible fight against a literal titan who could stomp him flat without a corm of effort.

He doesn't hate flowers, he hates EVERYTHING right now because it's all going away very soon and if he convinces himself he hates everything then he won't miss it when it's all gone again. He was denied this for two hundred years and he's PISSED at what was stolen from him and PISSED it's all going away again.

He behaved similarly in Act 1 about anyone besides him enjoying physical intimacy. Some of this content was cut, to my best knowledge, but the overwhelming majority of his dialog addressing the PC romancing anyone but him are negative or backhanded. This is for two reasons, I think. A: his Simple Plan just dissolved right before his eyes when you chose someone else which in his mind means he has zero safety net, and EVERYONE gets to enjoy sex (key wording being ENJOY, not simply having) except him... And it pisses him off.

He also gleefully interrupts the bug bear and the ogress, I think for the same reason as the above paragraph, being: If he doesn't get to enjoy intimacy neither do they.

He reacts with anger and disgust at anything he's being unfairly denied. Which... That's fair. His feelings are valid, but his reaction to it is pretty shitty and meanspirited.

The other companions I tend to keep in my party, (that is Lae'zel, Halsin, Karlach, and Wyll) however, are actually appearing to behave pretty patiently with him in Act 3 which I find interesting.

In the instance with the flowers Karlach doesn't bother trying to convince him otherwise of his opinion, she just tells him how they make her feel instead and rather than getting snippy or doubling down he more or less agrees to disagree. I also don't recall anyone disagreeing with Astarion during Gale's last quest tasks when he mentioned that he quit praying to gods who wouldn't hear him a long time ago but to be fair, I think the gods did everybody in this crew dirty and they all know it. It seems like they're consciously giving him the space to be mad about things, is what I'm saying.

Everyone I know including myself who crawled out of a long-term hot garbage situation kinda went wild for a bit with freedom, spoke poorly, behaved strangely, had extreme emotional reactions to things, and made some particularly terrible choices. I think that's just a part of recalibrating yourself, healing and learning how to be okay again.

Point is, I wouldn't conflate too many of the turbo-negative things he says with how he actually feels about anything. We certainly know what he says and what he feels are two very different things.

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #trauma #the pale elf #cazador szarr

993 notes · View notes

dizzygrizzlies · 18 days

Text

no, you don’t need to wear your mask/tail to school.

i wish young nonhumans didn’t feel compelled to be ‘out’ at school, especially when it’s a dangerous environment. i keep seeing posts along the lines of “wore my tail/mask to school! people berated/teased/put their hands on me, but it’s ok”.

no, it’s not.

like.. i understand a mask or a tail can be a very validating thing for some people. and i’m not saying NO ONE should wear them at schools. but i just keep watching this mounting trend of young therians insinuating you need some physical accessory or to do quads to be a ‘real’ nonhuman. and then it leads to things like this and it makes me incredibly sad.

i’d known i was alterhuman since late elementary school, actually. it’s a huge part of my life even now, years after graduation. there wasn’t a reason for it to be brought up, so i never did. it was a closely guarded secret to me, but it didn’t feel like a weight i was carrying. i always thought “no one needs to know i’m an animal if it jeopardizes my safety. so, oh well”.

“but, how will people know that i’m an animal?”

they probably will. they probably already do.

i was the designated ‘animal’ person my entire school career despite not ever handling animals in front of anyone. if there were pets, lost wild animals (baby rabbits, birds, lizards), or sometimes even loose livestock that got onto campus, it was always me who had to go tend to them.

everyone wanted me in their group in environmental science. if a project called for animal illustrations, the same thing would happen. it was certainly weird because i was also a ‘weird kid’ and not especially desired to be around outside of that, lol. but i was never harassed for it. it made me feel very validated, actually.

i had fun during gym running and fiercely destroying the opposing team in field hockey. i taught everyone which plants were okay to forage (and we snacked on them when we had to sit on the lower field for practice). every day i was hyperaware of the limbs i had that weren’t quite there. friends noticed my ears twitch and my nose wiggle at certain stimuli. i felt nice walking on two legs. i felt nice because i felt animal and i didn’t have to prove it to anyone.

really like… just do what makes you happy. i admire the bravery it takes to so earnestly wear your identity on your sleeve like that. that’s very impressive. however, there is NO obligation to do anything like that if you understand that there will be a reaction that poses a threat to you.

i want our kids to be safe, too. you don’t have to feel dysphoria over being discreet. sometimes it’s the safest option. and sometimes, that can be really fun, too.

study everything you can about your ‘type. wikipedia and animalia are good resources. ramble about them to anyone who will listen. jokingly refer to yourself as one in friend spaces. wear discreet clothes that remind you of your ‘type. find a nice private place outside where you can run and explore and look at plants and smell the air and feel like yourself. but by no means do you have to prove yourself. you know you.

#txt #therianthropy #therian #otherkin #alterhumanity #alterhuman #nonhuman #dogkin #wolfkin #foxkin #dragonkin #catkin #i forget what most common ‘types are LOL #quadrobics #therian mask

881 notes · View notes

myslvtwritings · 10 months

Note

Hello could you do uppermoons with a S/O who has anger issues?

ofc! thank you for the requesting:)

➤ Uppermoons reaction to a S/O who has anger issues

including; Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma, Akaza, Sekido, Karaku, Aizetsu & Urogi

not proof read

Muzan Kibutsuji

• He believes the way you act is childish whenever you’re angry/upset.

• A little bit hypocritical of him considering he potentially has slight anger issues himself but after all he is a demon so he assumes it’s normal. Doesn’t really think much of it tbh.

• If you’re the type to have frequent outbursts/tantrums when you’re angry i feel like he would just ignore you until you’ve calmed down.

• Not the best at comfort. Affection isn’t his forte.

• Once you’ve calmed down a bit he’d return to comfort you in his own way.

• His way may not be as affectionate but it’s his way of showing you he cares.

• Muzan isn’t a softie (obviously) he’s very intimidating and downright the embodiment of evil so his way of showing affection is not ideal.

• But he cares though (more than you think)

• As your relationship progresses and you open up more about your own mental issues and needs and how you prefer to be cared for whenever you’re having an episode he’ll try to be more understanding!!

• Muzan still isn’t all that used to it but he tries just for you.

• Sometimes finds it amusing when the smallest little things piss you off though..

• He’ll chuckle under his breath at your little childish out bursts which only adds more fuel to the fire.

• Might bring you one of his victims so you can take your anger out on them because he assumes it’ll soothe down your nerves

• He’s never met someone like you and your emotions are pretty powerful. It makes him wonder how powerful you’ll be as a demon if he were to turn you into one. He prefers you as a human though because of the power imbalance.

• Fights may occur frequently between y’all due to you accidentally taking your anger out on him sometimes (god help your poor soul)

• Don’t worry! He won’t kill you.

• Usually he is very calm whenever you’re angry but if you just lash out and take everything out on him he’ll get pissed too.

• Whenever you two are some arguing you guys kind of just forget it ever happened and he just holds you in his arms or makes you sit on his lap to see if that helps you or not.

Kokushibo

• Kokushibo here sorta gives off this semi-calm vibe in my opinion? However, whenever he is angry it’s fucking terrifying.

• Whenever you’re upset he will sit you down so the two of you can discuss it.

• Like Muzan he will probably chuckle if you’re mad over something so tiny.

• However, unlike Muzan he isn’t toxic about it.

• He’s still a demon though so don’t expect it to be perfect.

• If you tell him what’ll make you feel better then he’ll do it in a heartbeat.

• You need a hug? okay! You don’t want to be touched? that’s fine too! he’ll give you the space you need until you’ve calmed down.

• I feel like he is the type to grab you firmly by the shoulders and tell you to calm the fuck down.

• Or maybe he’ll stare at you menacingly until your anger subsides..

• He’s the voice of reason whenever you’re upset over something ridiculous.

• If you’re mad for an entirely different reason (that’s valid in his eyes) is when he’s more caring and affectionate. (then again, in his own way)

• Kokushibo is quiet. He is not all that vocal unless he’s fighting demon slayers but whenever he isn’t on a mission he gives the “quiet kid” vibe.

• Koku embraces you and strokes your hair if you cry when you’re mad.

• If you’re the type to break things whenever you’re mad Kokushibo dislikes that sort of behavior. Isn’t a fan of extreme loud noises. He will get you to stop by manhandling you. Doesn’t usually raise his voice at his precious s/o no matter how mad they are.

Douma

• My fucking god.

• This little shit finds it cute

• Will tease you. (finds your anger issues entertaining)

• Human emotion is just so strange!!

• Fun fact: Douma actually feels emotions around you. However, it’s still somewhat foreign to him and he still has major difficulty understanding human emotions. (please be patient with even tho he is a menace)

• If you talk to him about it more he will surprisingly understand you. This surprises you because he doesn’t understand any of his followers half of the time. (You special frfr)

• Don’t expect the teasing to stop entirely though.

• He thinks mortals are so endearing when they spark with such intense emotions over the stupidest of reasons!

• It doesn’t matter how pissed off you are. This mf will only continue to think it’s adorable and tease you relentlessly which boils your blood to the maximum level..

• Blud DEADASS gets confused when you snap at him for it.

• “Ehh?? why are you mad at me?!” (He’ll whine about it)

• Douma is a complete menace. Knows exactly what he’s doing.

• Once he realizes “Maybe they don’t actually like it when i tease them..” he’ll tone it down a notch.

• Still somewhat teases you though. That isn’t going to go away permanently but he will tone it down only for your sake!

• Similar to Muzan, he will laugh at you when you get mad over something little/stupid.

• And like Kokushibo, also the type to manhandle you if you’re out of control. (Smiles the whole time while handling your feisty ass)

• However, he is still sweet so if you sit down and talk to him then he’ll do anything he can to make you feel better! After all, you’ve always been there for him so he must return the favor!

• Whenever you cry when you’re mad Douma forcibly pulls you onto his lap and peppers your face in kisses.

• If you’re going on a rant about something that made you angry he’ll definitely shut you up by kissing you if he grows bored/tired of listening to you.

• He is a slave for you so he’ll let you take your frustrations out on him (New kink unlocked)

• Always finds your emotions very intriguing. How can a human feel so much?

• If there was a certain someone who triggered your anger issues Douma will just eat them! He won’t let anyone hurt you<33

• Or he’ll maybe let you kill them to help you feel better.

Akaza

• Akaza is beyond caring and understanding of your anger issues!

• Akaza is very worried about you! Will want to communicate with you immediately about this.

• He listens to everything you have to say.

• Does get a little taken aback by your outburst though. you’re like a volcano.

• He’ll politely ask to hug you if you’re the type who wants to be touched when you’re angry to help calm you down!

• Offers to give you a massage as well.

• However, if you want space then he’ll gladly give you that as well!

• Will occasionally check up on you, asking you if you need anything.

• Whispers sweet nothings into your ear.

• If you want to break things when you get angry he will find objects for you to take your anger out on.

• If you’re a demon and you get heated he might find it hot when you’re mad. He’ll watch with pride as you fuck the shit up out of one of the demon slayers!

• I feel great pity if anyone caused you to get angry. This man will ANNIHILATE a village worth of people if they’ve hurt you in any way. (He’s super overprotective)

• Overall 10/10 boyfriend! will always be here for you and help you during your episodes:)

Sekido

• Oh boy. SAME BOAT, SAME BOAT.

• Like you, he too has a very short temper.

• Okay, i feel like he is definitely the most understanding out of EVERYONE.

• Sekido’s anger issues are SEVERE (just like yours)

• He honestly relates to you.

• Sekido is scary enough but the two of you combined? All hell will break loose.

• The other clones are terrified of you both 😭😭

• And if you’re a demon that’s a whole different story..

• You guys are a power duo and definitely go on killing sprees together whenever y’all’s anger is out of control.

• All though he’s the one who truly understands you he isn’t the type to communicate about it nor provide you with any ideal comfort.

• Sekido’s way of showing affection/comfort is just letting you stay mad until you’ve calmed down or just shit talking with you about whatever made you mad

• He will listen to you and understand. Bro will be mad FOR you in any situation that ticked you off 💀

• It makes HIM even more infuriated whenever someone pissed you off.

• Will kill them INSTANTLY for you and will not give a shit if you protest.

• Y’all scare the shit out of the other clones. (and each other)

• Have i not mentioned the both of you have the strong tendency to take y’all’s anger out on each other?

• It’s crazy.

• The sex is great though so it’s fine! (y’all have hate sex)

Karaku

• Like Douma, he’ll tease you relentlessly

• This mf prolly gets horny from seeing how ANGRY his s/o gets.

• He’s honestly surprised at first.. he thought you were innocent.

• Karaku has to deal with Sekido all the time so he isn’t scared of you.

• The only difference is that he finds you cute/hot when you’re mad.

• Bro will probably offer you head to make you feel better. He is the pleasure demon after all so he’ll do anything that’ll pleasure your angry little self!

• Steamy make-out sessions 😍‼️

• The type of mf to fuck the anger outta you probably (Or he’ll let you fuck him)

• He will also tease you and laugh at you though (He is a jerk like that)

• He teases you WAYY more than he does sekido

• He will baby you if you start to cry when you’re angry

• Now, do not be mistaken. Karaku DOES care but his way of providing comfort is rigged with his sadistic personality.

• You remind him a lot of Sekido just less intimidating because you’re his partner.

• Will hype you up if you destroy shit when you’re mad. He can just replace them anyway so it doesn’t matter

• “OH YEAH, FUCK THAT SHIT UPPPP!”

• Sometimes doesn’t understand when you only grow more angry with him when he hyped you up or when he teases you. Humans are so funny to him.

• if you were a demon he’d probs get even more turned on if you just slaughtered the hell out of the person who made you angry.

• Karaku will lend you his fan that he uses so you can destroy more things with it while you’re mad!

• Would love, love, LOVE to see you take down anything in existence with his fan.

• He isn’t the best communicator but he’ll hear you out whenever you’re venting.

• He doesn’t have anger issues so he won’t truly understand. But he’ll be there for you so that’s good, right?

• Still capable of sweetly comforting you! He will hug you and pepper your tear-stained face in kisses (Still picks on you though)

• With all that aside, Karaku messes with you still and that’ll never end. Unlike Douma he won’t ever stop teasing you nor level it down a bit despite your protests.

Aizetsu

• This pussy bitch is scared.

• Bro cries because of you

• He strongly dislikes yelling and overly violent behavior. (Is not too fond of loud noises basically)

• He is scared shitless of sekido. so when he founds out you get as angry, if not more angry than sekido himself Aizetsu is going to be petrified at first.

• Aizetsu may be a demon who devours people but out of all of the other clones he’s the most soft.

• He is usually calm, tends to give silent reactions but whenever you’re angry and yelling his mind is at war. He’s scared but also worried for his s/o at the same time.

• On the verge of a panic attack on the days/nights you’re mad.

• Will be scared if you have dramatic outbursts

• The one to watch you silently, on the verge of an anxiety attack as you flip the fuck out over whatever angered you.

• Aizetsu won’t judge you if you’re mad over something small. However, he will definitely be confused though. (Why are you angered by something so meaningless?)

• BUT!! despite your ballistic behavior and immature tantrums you’re still his beloved s/o! Aizestu will still do his all to ensure you’re protected and safe from harms way at ALL costs!!

• Aizetsu probably trembles whenever you scream a bit too loudly (It always surprises him because he never knows what’s going to set you off)

• When he first found out about your anger issues (Which was completely out of the blue because you’ve never told him before) Aizetsu is a tad bit disappointed you never told him prior.

• Eventually he will get used to it (sorta) and as he does he will feel guilty for not comforting you properly in the past.

• Aizetsu will let you lay your head on his lap as you vent/rant about what pissed you off.

• Aizetsu is still fiercely protective of his beloved s/o. Will unalive whoever upset you.

Urogi

• You and Urogi are the complete opposite

• He is positive and joyful while you’re negative and cunning.

• Whenever he witnesses you having an episode he will immediately bear hug you.

• Attacks you with kisses and laughs.

• Doesn’t really understand but he will listen to you!

• Like Karaku he will probably tease you only to immediately regret it because you won’t let that slide 💀

• Tries to ask sekido for help or the other clones. (Doesn’t get any)

• He’s not scared of you like Aizetsu because he deals with Sekido’s burning rage on a daily basis

• Urogi tries his hardest to keep his S/O in a positive mindset!

• Not the greatest at advice giving but (kind of) an excellent listener.

• He’s usually very hyperactive and talkative but whenever you need to vent/rant then he’s all ears and won’t interrupt you!

• Will wrap his wings around you in a protective manner if you want to be spooned by him.

• The type of man to take you out whenever you’re upset to get some fresh air.

• Probably will offer you sex to see if that’ll make you feel better 😭

• I feel like Urogi would be clingy so if you ask him for space it’ll be hard for him because he just wants to make sure you’re okay!

• Sometimes he finds it attractive when you’re angry

• a/n: I don’t know what else to put here (LMAO)

that’s about all! i hope you enjoyed reading<3

1K notes · View notes

madlori · 30 days

Text

Ship dysphoria

Ok so a bit of time has gone by, and the 9-1-1 fandom is settling into a bit of an...existential crisis?

Because 90% of this fandom is built on Buddie. Buddie has always been the strongest driving force. We love our other blorbos, but it's Buddie that usually drives us feral.

Except...Buck/Tommy. OMG. It is WORKING for a lot of fans. (and JFC we cannot settle on a ship name. Tevan? Kinley? I'm gonna stick with Buck/Tommy)

A LOT of fans are having a "I'm a devoted Buddie shipper, why do I like this so much??" moment and it can almost feel like a betrayal, or that you're deserting the ship (the ship that, remember, Oliver told us to stay aboard).

And I think I can probably speak for everybody when I say that the last thing we want or need is a ship war in this fandom, something we haven't ever really had but which has torn other fandoms apart.

So I'm gonna put on my veteran-of-many-fandoms hat for a second and tell you a thing:

It's okay to ship Buck and Tommy. It's ok to do that and still ship Buddie. It's also okay to leave Buddie behind if it's not working for you anymore. It's okay to just tolerate Buck and Tommy and not really care about it, and stay focused on Buddie. You are allowed to ship however it works for you, and you are not limited to one and only one ship. If you decide you don't think Buddie will happen and you're going to cut your losses, that's okay, too. It is not a reflection on your character or something. You don't swear an oath of fealty to a ship.

We don't know how long Tommy will stick around, but Buck will still be bisexual. He may date another man. He may date a woman again. You can ship those things too.

But why is this ship hitting me so hard? I never thought I'd like Buck with another man! I'm so confused!

I get that. There are some reasons why that might be.

There is something very appealing about a ship that's canon. Some of you might never have had a canon queer ship, but the pull is strong. There's no guessing, no interpreting, no subtext-examining. It's there, it's real, you don't have to wonder if you're just overinterpreting things. Yes. Buck and Tommy kissed and are going on a date. Even if that's all it ever is, you'll never be accused of "seeing things that aren't there." Don't discount that.

Tommy, even in just 1.5 episodes, is a LOT more integrated into the firefam than any of Buck's previous girlfriends. Tim talked about not wanting him to be "siloed off" away from the main cast and that was exactly the problem with his prior girlfriends. Tommy is friends with Eddie. He knows Christopher and has hung out with him. He spent most of that loft conversation reassuring Buck that his place in Eddie's life was secure. He feels more like part of the gang than any other ones. That makes it easier to see him in Buck's life.

The mere fact of Buck's queer awakening is so monumental for so many of us that the character who helped him get there is going to naturally earn our affection immediately, and it's going to make you want that relationship to succeed, even if it's ulitmately not endgame for Buck. You want to see Buck have a good experience the first time out with a man. Of course you do.

And we just want to see Buck make out with a hot beefy firefighter. That is so valid of us.

Anyway. There is no need for a crisis. You can love Buddie with your whole heart and still be excited about this pairing, and want to see how it goes, and read fic about it. I may be writing a lil something myself.

You're good, fam.

#9-1-1 #9-1-1 abc #buddie #buck/tommy #kinley #tommy kinard #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 #911abc #shipping #ship wars #buck's bisexual awakening

209 notes · View notes

genderkoolaid · 2 months

Text

Like many of us, discovering our escape is often how we uncover our true selves, as untouched and genuine as we could possibly be. For Silveira, it was no different. “In those worlds, I would always be a boy,” he says. “And I remember that being part of my story right from the get-go. I didn’t have friends when I was a kid, and if I did, I always played by myself. And my presentation was male. I was being a boy.” For some reason, this reminds me of one of the lyrics to ‘Not Your Boy’ as Silveira, with vocals as sultry and heartbreaking as ever, sings: “Everything’s profound / When you are on a cloud / Riddled by this crowd / That just can’t feel me / When the darkness disappears / The only thing inside that can see / Is in the lie that tells me / I’ve been dreaming / Am I dreaming?” [...] Finding your way through the maze of identity is challenging enough, but doing it in the public eye adds another level of complexity. This was particularly true for Silveira, who already had a well-established audience with fixed ideas about who he was at the time. “When I started transitioning physically, I lost a very diehard and loyal audience of mainly cis-gendered females, and it was this double impact that it had on me, which was, ‘Oh, I knew that nobody was seeing me as being a real man. Because even though I was identifying as Lucas, and as he/him, my presentation to them was still seen as being a cis-gendered female.'” Continuing, Silveira adds: “I even had lesbians call me ‘she’, and I’d be like, ‘it’s actually ‘he”. So, it was really not ever taken seriously. So, what ended up happening was not only the fallout of me, but it was the understanding that I’d never been very validated in that aspect. It was the loss of my family. And it was pretty heartbreaking.” However, despite finding facets of supporters in certain places, even the most seemingly accepting parts of the music industry didn’t feel very safe. “I went from being out very privately to all of a sudden being a signed band and being on tours with Cyndi Lauper, The B-52’s, and Joan Jett, and people were talking about my trans-ness and asking me all these questions, and I was just getting to know myself.” “That didn’t go so well with a lot of trans folks,” he continues. “At the time, there was no non-binary movement, so what ended up happening was I also got flack from the trans community for not being a real man. And I wasn’t a real trans person because if I was, I would have chosen hormones and my presentation and my transition physically over my music career.”

Also, here's an article where he interviews Laura Jane Grace

#m.#transmasc art #experiences with transandrophobia #transmasc music #articles

325 notes · View notes

raven-at-the-writing-desk · 18 days

Text

thinking about book 6 battle simulations

I was thinking a lot about book 6 lately! (Not for any particular reason, I was just ruminating, haha...)

During the examination segment, Riddle, Azul, and Vil were put into one group and Jamil and Leona were put in the other group. Idia then put them into VR simulations in which (simulated) Trey, Jade, Rook, Kalim, and Ruggie approached the subjects to upset them. This is for the purposes of STYX to gauge their combative capabilities and blot accumulation. What I noticed on another read of these parts was that Idia makes sure to inform all the subjects they are about to enter a VR simulation BEFORE they dive in... and yet despite this, group 1 (Riddle, Azul, Vil) was still caught off-guard when Trey, Jade, and Rook attacked them. Meanwhile, Jamil in group 2 automatically defers to Kalim but Leona is the one who notices something is fishy about the situation. Now, now... this is interesting 👁️ Why might this be, I wonder~ (You bet I'm going to analyze the heck out of these small details!)

***Main story spoilers up to book 6!!***

First thing to consider: it's possible that perhaps the characters don't fully understand what "VR simulation" is, as most of them did take a while to come to their senses. Of the 5 subjects, Riddle is the most likely to fall into this category. He seems to be slightly confused by the concept of a "virtual space" when Idia explains the examination to them (which likely conflicts with Riddle's very traditional understanding of "tests"). Furthermore, Riddle has expressed in Endless Halloween Night that his mother did not allow him to play video games or to watch TV so he'd usually do crosswords or solve other puzzles for fun. He's not completely technologically inept (like Malleus), but Riddle does have a somewhat limited scope of how items and procedures are to be used, especially if it lies beyond its normal means. It's likely that he has not thought of VR simulation being used in the scenario in which he finds himself in now.

The other 4 subjects, however, most likely understand what VR is and shouldn't be confused by the simulation. Azul is very savvy and keeps up with trends, which can factor into his business(es). He even brings up streaming as a potential source of revenue in book 6; man has his fingers on the pulse of pop culture to know what will sell. Vil, being a celebrity and the leader of the Film Research Club, must have an understanding of various technologies used to achieve certain effects (especially as director of his own projects). Jamil constantly deals with Kalim's requests and, being in Kalim's social bubble, must get exposure to all kinds of crazy technologies. Leona, being a knowledgeable prince, surely must understand the concept of VR simulation.

Okay, so... why did they (mostly) still get "tricked" by the simulation anyway? The key words today would be "trust" and "dependence".

Thinking about it, there's one thing that separates group 1 from 2: the boys in group 1 have a tendency to rely on others for support and validation whereas the boys in group 2 are consistently shown to be more independent than their peers (even if they, too, seek validation). Let's go through them one by one!

GROUP 1

Riddle

Riddle is presented as a tyrant that rules with an iron fist, particularly in book 1 where he stars as the main antagonist. However, it's also pretty blatant that Riddle has become increasingly aggressive due in part to others enabling him. Ace specifically calls out Trey for this, saying that his failure to intervene or to quell Riddle's temper has resulted in Heartslabyul students suffering for it. Cater is also complacent, as he and/or Trey often follow Riddle's orders and remove Adeuce from the dorm multiple times in book 1. Riddle relies on these upperclassmen to listen to him and carry out his bidding, and he feels validated when they do. It's a lesson he has learned from his mother. He is the most powerful, and therefore he should be the most correct. Notice how Riddle is quick to anger when others refuse to obey him and how often he demands for them to conform. He becomes enraged when the Heartslabyul mobs rebel and chuck an egg at him. But what hurts him most of all is, perhaps, Trey turning too. Riddle was mad about the mobs acting up, yes, but he still did not overblot. Not yet, at least. No, Riddle overblots only AFTER he tries to attack Ace with the rose trees... and Trey steps in with his UM to overwrite Riddle's collar, turning it into cards. Trey's relationship with Riddle cannot be understated here. In this very moment, Trey, Riddle's childhood friend (one of his first friends), vice dorm leader, silent yes man, his most trusted confidant, has betrayed him. He is proving Riddle wrong, that the most powerful mage is not the most correct. "Are YOU going to tell me that I'm wrong too? After all I've done to protect the rule of law?! [...] I... I refuse to believe this!"

From these examples, we can clearly see that Riddle is someone who is reliant on others--not that he isn't a capable mage, but rather he is reliant on others for his own sense of self-worth. Indeed, even in his post-OB flashback, he indicates feeling proud and excited when his mother praises him for good grades or successfully performing a spell. This is reiterated many times over in book 1, in which Riddle feels satisfied and even smug when his students fall in line, and spirals into uncontrollable rage when they don't. There are a select few whom Riddle has chosen to place his faith in, and Trey is one of them. Trey, who gave him his first slice of strawberry tart and has been supporting him as his vice for over a year now (since Riddle became dorm leader in his first week as a first-year student; now is the start of Riddle's second year). That's why he feels so hurt when Trey is suddenly chastising him, telling him that he's behaving irrationally.

If we reexamine Riddle's post-OB flashback, you'll notice that Riddle says he is lonely without every outright stating the word "lonely". The phrasing makes it sound as though Riddle does not understand his own loneliness, like he doens't even know the word or want to acknowledge it as reality. He is awkward and unsure around Trey and Chenya, who invite him out to play. He follows his mother's rules because he believes that is what will bring him happiness. He wonders why, in spite of following all those rules, he still feels hollow inside. Then, once Riddle has awoken, he confesses that he always wanted to play more with Trey, and that he wants to talk with everyone after a meal. Riddle. at his core, craves companionship rather than dominating his peers. Trey was one of the few friends he ever had, and so Riddle puts a lot of stock into his support. This may be why he was quick to believe the fake Trey in the simulation, and why he looked so shocked when Trey started attacking him. Here is a boy who has already been betrayed once, experiencing that same betrayal again at the hands of his childhood friend. How scared must he be of losing his oldest friend, of Trey turning his back on him or seeing him as a monster? 😭

Azul

Due to the bullying he experienced in his childhood, Azul works very hard to maintain a new image of someone who is cool, confident, and composed. Part of that is passing himself off as someone who is large and in charge, while posing Jade and Floyd as his lackies who do whatever he tells them to. The reality of the matter is that the twins are very much... there to do their own thing, and they just kind of go along with Azul's schemes because they seem to be a lot of fun. When you stop to consider it though, Azul definitely puts a lot of trust into the Leech brothers even though they're both shady and can be flippant at times. It's the twins going around and advertising Azul's services to the student population. It's the twins who help him expand his business and acquire new items (as all three's Dorm Uniform vignettes are about the Octatrio conspiring to acquire the rights to and/or advertise their new drinks). It's the twins who are asked to run the Mostro Lounge whenever Azul is absent. Time and time again, Azul falls back on Jade and Floyd. They've been with him since middle school.

In book 4, both Azul and Floyd insist that they aren't really "childhood friends", but they do consider each other "equals". As Azul describes it, "I strongly doubt Jade or Floyd have any binding allegiance to me. This is all and elaborate game of pretend to them. [...] If I made a poor choice as leader--or even simply a boring one... They would turn on me instantly and seize the dorm leader seat for themselves." Floyd follows with, "We ain't got any plans to challenge him, either... for now, anyway. Aha ha! [...] We stick with [Azul] now 'cause it's fun. If it stops bein' fun, we drop him like a bad habit. Easy." The twins and Azul are both very aware that their relationship is a temporary and transactional one. Azul himself has even fully considered the possibility that Jade and Floyd may one day turn on him. This is all true--however, I also believe it's possible that the Octatrio are not being entirely truthful to themselves and do actually care for one another beyond the confines of their business ties or "having fun". In book 3, Jade and Floyd sense that something is wrong, and their immediate thought is to go check on Azul because of this gut feeling. Jade warns Azul of the consequences of misusing his UM. They are also the first to check on Azul after his OB and insist that he rest and find it within them to gently tease him over the situation. Even the way they address each other is "special". Jade and Azul have a tendency to be polite and use the honorific "-san" after everyone's name... except for each other and Floyd. Floyd, meanwhile, tends to give everyone a nickname... except for Jade and Azul. They drop these naming conventions within their group because that's how much they know and trust each other. Further proof of this is that when Floyd first meets Azul in the post-OB flashback of book 3, he calls Azul "Octopus-chan". Azul used to have a nickname, but no longer has one. This implies that a lack of a nickname actually indicates that Floyd is more intimate with someone than if he had nicknamed them. The same goes with Jade and Azul, who are usually so formal and polite.

I've already established that Azul acts in ways which indicate that he is close to the twins, as much as he tries to deny it and come off as tough. He drops the honorifics for them and he trusts them to do his bidding. What I find most telling, however, is when Jade and Floyd check up on him right as he's about to OB. "Jade! Floyd! Ahhh, you've finally come back to me," Azul says (if you listen to his voice, he sounds SO relieved). "Would you believe that thanks to these FOOLS, I've lost all of my contracts? Which is why I'm going to need your powers now. Come on, give them to me!" This is notable because, prior to this, he was forcibly ripping powers out of mob students. But now with the twins--Azul makes a CONSCIOUS decision to ask Jade and Floyd for them to willingly give up their powers to him. Azul is emotional and acting without tact here, but he STILL stops to ask the twins for them to surrender their magic. He cares about getting their consent specifically. When the brothers deny him and Floyd says Azul has become lame, that's when Azul snaps. His loyal henchmen are refusing his request and he's lost all his accumulated wealth. He's going to become the weak, friendless crybaby he once way all over again.

Knowing all of this, it makes sense why Azul was as startled as Riddle was when the simulated Jade attacked him. Azul claims that he anticipates this day--but he still seems to disturbed when it actually happens. It's true that perhaps this surprise comes in part from Azul having no indication that the twins were getting bored of him, so this is coming out of left field in his perspective. But... it could also be that he's hurt by the sudden shift, even if he and the twins have been telling themselves all along that they'd toss each other out without a second thought once they lose interest. This calls back to Azul's concerns right before he overblots: that his "business partners" (whom he refuses to call his friends) have lost interest in him and will now leave him alone and with nothing. He relies on the brothers not only for labor, but as his company and his confidants. When that's taken away from him... what does Azul have left that's worth anything?

Vil

Vil is another person who typically passes as very independent. He looks after himself quite well and is often the one nagging others to do the same. The thing with him is... he's still a celebrity at the end of the day, and a celebrity like him is always aware of his public image and the eyes on him. That's Vil's Achille's heel: as a celebrity, he is constantly concerned with how others perceive him. This is a lesson he learns in book 5--that he shouldn't let other people's judgment of him or a silly popularity contest determine his self-worth. Ah, but let's remember... book 6 begins like a mere DAY after book 5. Sure, Vil's character arc may be over, but that does not mean that he has suddenly completely changed. Up until yesterday, he was aggressively training to overcome his rival and to show the whole world his true beauty. Vil still, to some degree, finds value in how he looks and how others see him, as it strongly ties into his career. To this end, he sees Rook as a valuable individual.

Now, there's a lot of contention about whether or not Rook is a good influence on Vil or not, as some interpret his commentary as derogatory or unnecessarily critical. I'm not going to get into that; here, I am going to speak plainly about how Vil himself views Rook's feedback. In Vil's Labwear vignettes, he confides in Trey that he relies on Rook's keen observational skills to reflect the truth back to him. A celebrity must look at his best, and he can count on Rook to not mince his words and point out even the most minute of changes at a quick glance. (Vil himself is also extremely strict with himself, but lacks the superhuman abilities that his vice dorm leader does.) Rook has been doing this since long before he even transferred to Pomefiore, critiquing Vil's performances and such, not just his looks alone. This led into long discussions and debates between the two, which demonstrates how much Vil values Rook's perspective. Even back then, Rook was one of Vil's greatest supporters, but not exactly a totally blind "yes man". He is offering the kind of feedback that Vil seeks, not empty, sugar-coated niceties. This is why, in spite of his betrayal at the end of book 5, Vil eventually accepts it, as he trusts Rook's keen eye and judgment. What's interesting about book 6's examinations is that Vil seemingly takes charge of his group. When approached by the simulated classmates, Vil steps up and, after a moment of silence, says, "No... It's nothing. Let's go." (Vil is known as a skilled actor and can easily sniff out an act himself. Was the silence hesitation as he, Azul, and Riddle reevaluate the scene? Hard to say, but I'm assuming that STYX's state-of-the-art tech was able to perfectly simulate Rook, and thus confused Vil and co. for a while.) Rook strikes him with a spell, and that invokes a great emotional reaction from Vil, who seems to be the most aghast of the group. The fake Rook then declares that he's going to claim the dorm leader seat from Vil, which shocks him. "As you know, I appreciate beautiful things. Hence... I can hardly allow someone who's acted as ugly as you to occupy the Fairest Queen's throne!" The scene then cuts away to a battle. Now, while we don't get any extra dialogue from Vil to show his reaction, one interpretation could be that he was stunned into silence. Why is this a believable occurrence? Because the fake Rook called Vil out for "ugly" behavior. This is significant because back when Vil was overblotting, he was desperately shouting for people to "not look at him" because he's "so ugly". Here, ugliness does not mean literal ugliness or something that is visually unappealing. The "ugliness" being spoken of refers to being morally rotten, as Vil was speaking on his guilt after resorting to dirty tactics to try and take out his rival (when he had previously sworn to win on his own merits alone). The simulated Rook might be referring to this, which induces great shame in Vil, who is aware of the weight of his sins. Heck, book 6 even starts with Vil taking accountability and sincerely apologizing to the whole NRC Tribe for causing them trouble. Vil blames himself for their team losing, as it was his OB that forced them to fight and physically wore them out before their big performance. "What does it matter who forgives me?! I can't... I can't forgive myself!" He may still have lingering guilt regarding this incident, hence why he's the one predominantly reacting when the vice dorm leaders betray group 1. His mirror and huntsman, who speaks only the truth to him, now tells him of his ugliness. What else can that be, if not the truth reflected back at him?

GROUP 2

Jamil

To be clear, Jamil did not automatically go after the simulated Kalim. He automatically defers and tries to go along with his dorm leader (and only starts fighting once Leona declares the simulation for the sham it really is). Why? Surely Jamil is sharper witted than that. To this, I say... of course, it's just that Jamil's so used to being a servant that he reverts back to submissiveness as soon as he's put in a circumstance where there's a power dynamic. He’s not the one relying on Kalim—Kalim is often the one relying on him. You need proof of Jamil's servile mindset? He was intentionally talking down his own skills ever since book 4 and, according to Azul, has been purposefully maintaining painfully average grades (which, in of itself, takes a lot of effort). Admittedly though, those are conscious choices, not unconscious ones. But how about back in book 5, when Vil announces him as one of the lead vocalists and Jamil's immediate reaction is not to accept it, but to humble himself and insist that Kalim would be better suited for it (when Kalim actually isn't)? Jamil has to stop himself, back up, and accept the nomination, which he has earned for himself, rather than relinquish it to someone less deserving. Years and years of serving someone else, forced to play the part of the inferior servant, will beat that attitude into his mind, regardless of how much he resents the position.

Even now, Jamil feels like he usually has to follow someone else's lead. Leona, the upperclassman and dorm leader, provides that lead for him in the VR simulation. This leadership + independence is something they would butt heads over later in book 6, as Jamil begins to act overprotective of his current charge (Leona) as he does with Kalim. While Jamil has played the part of Kalim's attendant and childhood friend, the reality is that Jamil cannot stand those roles. He desires to stand out and to be recognized--something which is evident in book 4. Before he brainwashes the Scarabia students, he's always framing himself in a positive and helpful light to them and speaks humbly about his abilities. After he brainwashes the Scarabia students, he has them heap him with praise that he had never gotten in his childhood. In the post-OB flashback, we see Jamil's parents scolding him for outperforming Kalim, even in something as simple as a game. The headmaster of a great arcane academy overlooks him in favor of someone far less capable.

Jamil knows he can be great, but he's intentionally being told to not reach those heights. He feels stifled and trapped, and no one understands his plight that he cannot escape from. This results in Jamil distancing himself from others and coming to rely on himself and himself alone to make his wishes come true. He can't rely on his family, who are beholden to their legacy of being servants to the Asims. He can't confide in friends because none of them are quite like him, and Kalim would ignorantly brush it off. He can't tell third parties because, as Crowley as demonstrated, they dismiss him outright. Jamil, as he acts throughout book 6, is doing so in an effort to find his own strength and to be able to act on it with the freedom he seeks. To play support not because he has to, but because he, the individual, wants to. As Jamil states before overblotting, he wants to "be free" from these precarious circumstances where a wrong move could doom him and his family... but he only has so many liberties to work with. This leaves him in a strange limbo situation where he still isn't fully independent but desperately wishes to be. We see him fighting against the restraints, and to varying degrees of effectiveness depending on the context and his state of mind within that context.

Leona

From a young age, Leona seems to have worked tirelessly to obtain recognition. Like Jamil, Leona was in such a position (second-born prince) that, despite his efforts, he kept being rejected and beaten down again and again. As we see in his post-OB flashback, this is what eventually broke Leona’s spirit and made him develop a pessimistic outlook on his prospects for the future. The thing is, even though Leona does not really have hope for himself, he still manages to inspire hope in other people, from underclassmen to the students of his dorm. Book 2 is entirely about Savanaclaw looking to Leona to save their own futures, and him trying to do so for their sakes. His club mates extol how he can so quickly hone in on their best skills and advise them on how to sharpen those skills. Jack admires Leona’s plays, so much so that he wished to one day play alongside Leona. He’s even able to get beastmen of different species to get along and live peacefully under his rule when this has historically been difficult for his older brother to manage. All in all, Leona has all the makings of a leader. He stands out from the crowd, knows when to leverage his power and intelligence (playing smarter, not harder), and commands with ease.

… That being said, Leona’s presence can be so powerful at times that it’s also isolating. This was the case for his childhood, which is depicted to us as many palace servants being fearful of Leona’s devastatingly strong magic. He also uses this strong magic against his dorm mates when their intentions clash in book 2–and he comes close to killing someone in the process. He’s also just notorious in general for being grumpy or unfriendly toward others, including one instance in book 5 when he seems upset that you’ve showed up in his classroom. Leona drives people away from him, whether because of his strength or because of his prickly attitude.

At the same time, i would also describe Leona as a tactician that keeps some degree of distance from those he commands. He makes it clear he's willing to use others to achieve his own goals and does so many times over. Book 2, when he tries to take out Malleus to help his dorm leaders while also trying to prove to himself that he's capable. Book 3, when he helps Yuu and co. dissolve the contracts including one of his own he made with Azul, etc. Leona knows how to best use his own abilities, as well as those of others. That's what makes him so formidable--he can read others and judge the situation extremely well, and he knows when it is smart to fight and when to tactically retreat (such as in book 6, when he immediately surrenders to STYX agents rather than make a scene). Leona is a self-sufficient man.

There’s the question of Ruggie, of course. Leona is often depicted as lazy and relies on Ruggie to do many daily things for him, such as laundry or fetching food. This obviously throws a wrench into the claim that Leona is more "independent" than those in group 1, doesn't it? He doesn't even come close to Jamil, who actually does all of these tasks himself. Well, not exactly. I don't think "independence" here really comes down to that alone. Riddle, Azul, and Vil all relied on Trey, the twins, and/or Rook to some significant degree to inform their own senses of self. Jamil had this belief of deferring to his "betters" (the Asims) instilled in him, regardless of his personal feelings on the matter. And Leona? Leona does not significantly rely on Ruggie for his self-worth (dude was 100% going to sand him in book 2). Yes, Leona was likely looking to help his dorm members in part to prove to himself he is capable of leading a pack, but he gives up when he realizes it was a fruitless effort. He doesn't become reinvigorated to keep it up or to try again, even when his dorm members (Ruggie included) plead to him. Leona is acting selfishly, and he refuses to acknowledge their perspectives--he's set in his own ways and is driven by his own thoughts, not those of the people around him. Perhaps this is what allows him to discern truth from lies with such clarity, as it is Leona who rouses Jamil to his senses and leads the charge against the VR simulation Kalim and Ruggie.

278 notes · View notes

pandorxxx · 9 months

Text

A fatal attraction…

Lo’ak x Omatikayan fem reader (all aged up)

Warnings: DARK/dom/delulu/rough lo’ak, manipulation, knife play (threatening reader) , p in v, oral (M receiving), cursing, blood.

Final warning: This fic has very serious themes of toxic behaviors. There is knife play which involves the reader being threatened, and wounded. Please do not continue with this fic if you do not feel comfortable with the warnings above. Thank you kindly.

Synopsis: Lo’ak was a bad boy. He had a mean streak that could make anyone scared. Anger issues that made everyone shy away. So you could imagine his surprise when you decide to show him some kindness. But him being a delusional mess meant that he couldn’t see your kindness as anything other than your undeniable love for him. What happens when he confronts you about his feelings, but you don’t quite feel the same way?

🔞Mdni🔞

It was no secret that lo’ak sully was often misunderstood. He was hardheaded, liked to follow his own path, even if it lead to absolute disaster. He often got compared to Neteyam a lot, and that also fueled the fire within him.

He fought a lot, he was a hot head. And if someone talked to him, even looked at him the wrong way, he would lash out. This was one of the main reasons he didn’t have many friends. Who would want to associate themselves with an outcast like himself? No one. So in turn, he became a loner.

You, on the other hand, were on the opposite side of the spectrum. A good girl, always did what you were told. You were very popular, super nice, and a helping hand to anyone who needed it. So you could only imagine lo’aks surprise when you started to talk to him. Befriend him, so to speak.

It had finally felt like someone saw him, for who he was. Like someone excepted him, flaws and all. You two would meet up once a week at his secret spot. Just to talk about life, or to let him vent.

The forest was still at this time of night. Very peaceful and inviting. You two had just wrapped up talking about your days.

“Good for you. Staying out of trouble for an entire day? I’m so proud of you.” You spoke sarcastically, shooting a friendly smile at the young boy. He chuckled, realizing your playful antics.

“You’ve got jokes, huh?” He started. “No one stepped to me today. I can’t promise I’ll stay this way.” He confessed, sitting back on his hands.

“Just because someone says something to you, doesn’t mean you can FIGHT them, lo’ak. You have serious anger issues.” You joked, however you were very serious. You would often downplay your criticism to him, because you knew he could snap at any second.

“Maybe. I only get angry when people fuck with me. Or when I don’t get what I want. I think those are pretty valid reasons, no?” He asked, his eyes involuntarily scanning your entire body. You shifted on the ground, the look making you feel alittle nervous and uneasy.

“You can’t always get what you want, lo’ak.” You spat. “Yes I can. And speaking of….getting what I want. I wanted to talk to you about something.” He spoke, scooting alittle closer to you.

You couldn’t deny how good looking lo’ak was. So your natural reaction started in your loincloth. A pool of slick forming as you felt his leg next to yours.

“Go on.” You joked, turning your head to face him. He smiled, gently pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. His hand trailed all the way down to the band of your loincloth, and your breathing escalated.

“Lo’ak?” You asked, watching his strong hand trail down to your thigh, caressing it gently. God, did that feel good. But you refused to go down this road with a trouble maker like him. You just wanted to be friends with him, even if your body was telling you that you wanted more.

“You’ve been nothing but nice to me. And it’s kinda hard for me to understand why.” He started, his hand trailing up to your waist, forcefully bringing you into his lap to straddle him. You gasped, eyes widening as his hands made their way to your plush ass, squeezing it firmly.

“But then I did some thinking. And it’s obvious now….you like me. You wanna be with me. And baby, I want that too. I’m in love with you. We can finally be together, you know?” He finished, pecking your cheek lovingly. You were shocked. Your mouth was slightly agape as you stared at him with so much confusion.

“Lo’ak, I-I was just trying to be nice. I like you, yes. But as friends. I could never be with you. We’re opposites.” You confessed cautiously, trying your best not to tick him off. You knew how dark and angry he got with others, and you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that.

You tried to lift off of his lap, but his lock on your hips was too strong for your little strength to go up against. “Oh! come onnnn. You’re telling me you don’t love me? Why would you say that baby?” He asked, leaving small kisses on your neck. You let out a sigh of relief, as if you’d been waiting on somthing like this. It felt so good, you started to become consumed by it.

You let your head go back to give him more access to your neck. His hands trailed up to the small of your back, holding you tight. So tight that the veins in his arms were protruding.

Maybe you did want him. Maybe this was meant to be. It felt so right, so good. Too good to stop. But he was a bad boy, you were a good girl. Those stories never end well. He would get you into trouble, bring you down. Did you really want that?

“Fuck, L-Lo’ak stop.” You whispered. And he obliged with one last kiss to your now bruised neck. However, he still wouldn’t let you go. “You’re gonna tell me that you don’t want me? Hmm?” He asked, glancing at your lips before meeting your eyes.

“Lo’ak let me go. We’ll talk tomorrow.” You spoke, using his shoulders to lift off of him forcefully and quickly. And to your surprise, worked. You stood before him, adjusting your loincloth and clearing your throat. His eyes never left you as he sat on the ground. He wiped his lips with his thumb, clenching his jaw in restraint.

“Really? You’re just gonna leave me? Like everyone else, right?” He asked, his baritone becoming very dark and scary. His braids shielded his eyes, but you could still see that intimidating glow.

You stood there in silence. In reality, you WERE leaving him. You weren’t thinking clearly, and you didn’t want the undeniable tension between you two to cloud your genuine feelings for him. The truth is, you didn’t know if you wanted to be with him. There were pros AND cons that you had to take into consideration.

“You know what? Go on. LEAVE.” He growled, fanning you off. He was visibly angry with you, and you didn’t want any parts of that. So, you did what you were told, and walked away from him. With not even a glance back.

And God, did that make him furious. You really left him. And he wasn’t expecting that. At least an “I’m sorry.” would’ve calmed him down. But it was clear to him that you really didn’t care. Not as much as HE did. You were just like everyone else. But he’d be damned if he let you just walk away from him.

You didn’t even make it 10 feet before you felt your hair being pulled from behind. He had forcefully pinned you to a tree. Your hair wrapped around his hand. You winced, pushing on his stomach, but of course he didn’t budge.

“Atleast you know how to listen. Alittle too fucking well though.” He growled, shifting his hand to your neck, gripping it tightly.

“Lo’ak please! I-Im sorry. I just thought you might’ve needed some space. That’s all! That’s all, I swear!” You rambled, holding his wrist to ensure that he wouldn’t squeeze your neck any tighter.

“Yeah, right. Don’t lie to me! Not right now.” He spoke through a clenched jaw, shaking your neck with every syllable. You squealed in fear, realizing that might have just sent him overboard.

“Fuck! I-im not trying to scare you. But you make me so fucking angry sometimes! What makes you think you can LEAVE ME? I won’t let you. I am IN LOVE with you! You’re not going anywhere.” He spoke, his deep voice rattling your eardrums. It was clear that he wasn’t going to let this go, and you didn’t want to piss him off further. So you did what you had to do, hoping it would get you out of this situation.

“I love you too, lo’ak! I do!” You nodded, a fake smile plastered across your trembling lips. He titled his head, scanning you from head to toe. His eyes met yours again, searching for some kind of bluff. And of-course, it was written all over your face. He let out a small chuckle, licking his lips.

God, he looked so good like this. Taking what’s his. His angry demeanor had your head spinning. Scared out of your mind, but turned on, nonetheless. What is wrong with you? Why would you be attracted to such toxic behavior?

Maybe because you always followed the rules. Never had any excitement in your life, never any thrill. And lo’ak provided that for you in this moment. As sick as it may be, you were attracted.

“You’re such a good liar, y/n.” He smiled, reaching his free hand down to his knife, the sharp sound of him pulling it startling you. He held the dull part to your cheek, rubbing it across the soft skin.

“Lo’ak please! Please, don’t do this. IM NOT LYING TO YOU!” You screamed, tears blurring your vision. “Yeah?” He asked, trailing the knife down to your top. “YES!” You spat.

“Prove that shit, then.” He growled, tightening his grip on your neck. Making you tighten your grip on his wrist. “I’ll do anything! I’ll do anything, I swear lo’ak!” You cried.

“Anything, hmm?” He asked, the knife trailing down to your waist. The cold blade barely touching your skin. You hated to admit it, but you secretly wanted more. You never knew how much the element of danger could turn you on. The fact that your life was in his hands made the slick pool into your loincloth. You rolled your hips slightly, just to feel more of the cold metal caressing your soft skin. You let out a small whimper, looking down at the source.

He glanced down as well, before meeting your eyes again. He squinted, studying your expression. That’s when he realized…

“You like this shit, don’t you?…. I thought you were a good girl?” He asked, tilting his head as he awaited an answer from you. You turned your head stubbornly, letting out a cute little huff in frustration.

“I AM a good girl.” You spat, directing your attention to him again. confident enough to talk back because you knew he wouldn’t truly hurt you now that he knew the truth.

“Yeah, like hell you are. I see right through you. You want this so badly.” He whispered against your lips, creating a dangerous amount of tension. You wanted nothing more than to kiss him right now.

“I don’t have much of a fucking CHOICE! You’re threatening me with a KNIFE!” You hissed, growing angrier by the second.

“Hmm. You’re right.” He smiled, letting your neck go harshly and backing away from you. You coughed, rubbing your bruised neck for a moment while you caught your breath. “You’re free to go. Sorry.” He said, a sarcastic grin plastered across his face as he watched you finally catch your breath.

You stood tall, chest heaving up in down in anger. You watched him grin, eyeing your small frame. A few moments of silence falling between you two. He motioned for you to walk off sarcastically, knowing damn well that you wouldn’t. You hated that he was right. You weren’t leaving anytime soon. You were too hot for him. You wanted it so badly that it made you mad. And before you knew it, you pulled him in by his arm, lips meeting his harshly. A kiss so passionate that it was deadly.

He grabbed the small of your back, bringing you closer to him. A few low hums from you both in satisfaction. With one hand he lifted you up, and you immediately wrapped your legs around his torso. Once he backed you into the tree, he let you go, the lock you had on his waist being enough to keep you up.

“Shit, j-just push it to the side. I can’t wait another second.” He spoke between kisses, using two fingers to push your loincloth to the side, exposing your dripping cunt.

You reached down quickly, trying to steady your hand enough to push his loincloth to the side as well. Exposing his huge cock.

“Need it in me. Please.” You moaned, rubbing the tip against your aching hole. Making him let out a low groan.

With a little push and pull from you both, he began to slide into you slowly. Earning a loud, pornographic moan from you. With another push, he bottomed out inside of you. He bit his lip, trying his best to be quiet. Instead letting out an intense growl before he started to thrust into you forcefully.

The rhythm he set was nothing short of satisfying. A steady pace with deep, firm thrusts. His mouth was slightly agape, letting out breathy moans with every stroke as he admired the source of pleasure. A thick layer of slick coating his cock, as the excess dripped down his warm sack.

You, on the other hand, were completely overstimulated. Every merciless stroke knocking the wind out of you. His cock expertly playing with your sweetspot. Your beautiful face was balled in pleasure. Your head flailing around, while your breast jumped from every deep stroke. Your sweet voice rippling from the force as your shaky hand pressed on his abs to slow him down.

“No, no, no.” He teased, holding the knife to your neck while the other hand held your hip in a bruising hold. You let out a whimper, holding his wrist to ensure that he wouldn’t go further than just a simple threat. “I want you to be a big girl for me. I want you to take every *thrust* fucking *thrust* inch *thrust.” He moaned in your ear, his fangs grazing over the skin.

“I-Im trying lo’ak. P-Please, mercy!” You whined. Your mouth was saying one thing, while your body was contradicting yourself. Your walls started to flutter around him, signaling that your orgasm was already nearing.

“Mercy, huh?” He asked, quickening his pace. Holding the knife alittle closer to your jugular. You let out a shameless moan at the action, making Lo’ak smirk. “Naughty bitches like you don’t deserve mercy.” He spat, eyeing you up and down.

Maybe he was right. Maybe you weren’t the good girl that you claimed to be. Because last time you checked, good girls didn’t like being called out of their names, nor did it make them cum with such force. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you began to spazz in his tight grip.

“Cumming! Cumming!” You screamed, that euphoric feeling washing over your entire body as your cream coated his cock. He continued his pace to let you ride out your intense high.

“Mhm, making a fucking mess on me. Look at that, fuuuck.” He spoke in a low tone, watching his cock disappear into your sensitive little cunt one last time before he pulled out slowly. When he pulled the knife from your neck, trickles of blood began to fall down your chest, to your plump breasts.

A high pitched agonizing whimper left your lips at the throbbing pain. But it was short lived once lo’ak began to lick the wound clean. In fact, he licked every line of crimson off of you. He started at the source, trialing down your chest all the way to your breasts. Using his tongue to swirl circles around your stained nipples, leaving dark hickeys along the way.

The scene alone was enough to make you cum again. He finally finished cleaning you, and his gaze met yours. A dark lustful gaze that lingered for what seemed like forever. Remnants of your blood on his plump lips and sharp jaw.

“Comere.” He hummed, grabbing your bruised and battered neck to engage in a sloppy kiss. So hot and sexy that your walls began to clench around nothing.

He let you down gently, still swapping spit with you like his life depended on it. Once you both pulled away for air, a line of spit connected the two to you.

“I want your pretty ass on your knees…now.” He commanded, running the cold metal blade along your waist line. You bit your lip, slowly falling to your knees as your eyes stayed on his.

“Yeah. Juuust like that.” He nodded, palming his still very hard cock. Stroking it in the direction of your swollen lips. The blade found your cheek, the cold, hard metal grazing your skin before it made its was to your mouth.

“You got my fucking blade dirty. Clean it.” He commanded. You whimpered in arousal, your skin radiating sex all over again. You opened your mouth, sticking your tongue out for him. He turned the blade to the side, rubbing it across your tongue gently as he jerked off to the site beneath him.

You closed your lips around the metal, letting him slide it out of your mouth slowly. He let out a soft groan as he watched you swallow and lick your lips clean of your own blood.

“Open your mouth.” He commanded, using the knife to tilt your head up. “Say please.” You challenged, rubbing his thighs gently as you glanced at his hard cock, then back up to his eyes seductively.

He titled his head, eyes narrowed at you, and tail swaying behind him in an excited manner. He took a few seconds to think about it, as his jaw clenched and unclenched with restraint.

“Open your mouth…please.” He obliged, smacking your cheek a few times in a gentle manner. You opened your mouth, sticking your tongue out for him.

He tapped his mushroom tip on your tongue a few times before plunging his entire length down your throat. Your eyes began to water as he set yet another merciless rhythm. You started to gag, your throat muscles contracting around his shaft.

“Mhm, cry for me. Come on, let me know how deep I am.” He nodded, one of his hands being tangled in your hair, using it as leverage to Fuck your pretty face. The other hand holding the knife to the side of your neck as a friendly reminder, that he was still in control.

Tears began streaming down your face. You were loosing air, and your throat was burning. But God, none of that mattered when your view was nothing short of amazing. Short breathily moans escaped his mouth ad his abs flexed, signaling that he was close.

Your hands slid up his chiseled abs, tapping on his stomach lightly in hopes that he would let up. You whined, giving him puppy dog eyes to soften him up. Instead, he held the knife closer to your neck once again.

“You’re such a whiny bitch, you know that? I’m almost done. Keep sucking.” He commanded with a devilish grin. Seeing as you weren’t getting out of this, you let him use you completely. Your eyes began to roll back, exhausted hums leaving your lips as he continued to abuse your throat.

“Gooood girl. You’re g-gonna make me cum, baby. Is that what you want?” He teased, on the brink of his release. You nodded lazily, letting out a strained whimper.

“You know you’re mine now?” He asked, watching you flutter in and out of consciousness. Another lazy nod from you. He chuckled, so turned on by your fucked out state.

“Mhm, I’ll fucking kill you if you try and leave me.” He moaned, a little laugh hidden somewhere in that fatal threat. And it seemed as if the idea of your life in his hands, mixed with how pretty you looked on your knees was all the motivation he needed.

“Shiiit…” he moaned, mouth slightly agape as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. His thick seed spilled in the back of your throat. So fucking deep that it was no need to swallow.

You hummed in satisfaction, a delirious giggle escaping your filled mouth. He rocked you back and forth on him slowly as he let out a few strained grunts. After one final thrust, he pulled out of your mouth. You gasped dramatically, finally catching your breath as pools of spit flowed down your chin and chest.

He let your hair go roughly, letting you fall flat to the ground. A few groans in agony escaped your lips as you laid there, eyes heavy and tired.

He stared at you for a moment, surprised by what he had done to you. He squatted down, his fingertips grazing your bruised neck, and over the wounds he had left on you.

“I- umm. I’ve gotta clean you up. Tend to your wounds.” He spoke with a hint of disappointment in himself for doing this to you.

“I-I can do it.” You strained, trying to lift yourself off of the ground. To no avail, ofcourse. He clenched his jaw in anger, looking away from you briefly. The sight of you struggling beneath him was just too much to bare.

“No. I’ll do it.” He commanded, lifting you off the ground bridal style. Your lifeless body going limp in his arms as he walked out of the forest with you. He hated who he was sometimes. Hated that he was capable of such actions. But all that really mattered now, was making sure that his girl was ok. Even if you didn’t know that you belonged to him yet…

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @st-cass @loaksslut @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @xreadersstuff @sweetllamaparadise @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @slay-nt @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @blue-slxt @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @sweethoneycn @luvv4j4ybe11

535 notes · View notes

haliteatiger · 4 days

Text

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did.

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence.

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!"

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that.

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later.

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage.

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations.

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong.

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a "friend".

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

#dogblud #it feels a bit dirty doing a call out post #but people need to know #she's gotten away with this for far too long #i generally tend to give people the benefit of a doubt #clearly too much #but you can only make up so many excuses before you begin to realize that #at the end of the day #people still have the ability to make a choice #“everyone always leaves me”#well maybe you should really consider what the common variable is #just sayin

134 notes · View notes

traumasurvivors · 9 months

Text

Here's a link to a blog post on my personal website on a topic that I think is very important.

I've also put it below the read more for people that don't like external links.

When it comes to healing from trauma, there are a lot of emotions an individual may feel. One of these emotions is anger. Anger is one of the emotions I see invalidated the most. For example, I’ve been told that being angry is “letting the person who hurt me win.” I’ve been told that I’m only hurting myself with my anger and that it’s holding me back from healing. All of these assumptions were wrong.

Anger is often viewed as a bad thing because it can drive a lot of unpleasant behaviours but it can be used for good. While anger can hurt you and others, it doesn’t have to. There is a difference between destructive anger and constructive anger. Destructive anger is often expressed in a way that causes harm to yourself or others whereas constructive anger can be used to better understand your situation and figure out your needs. Constructive anger can be a way to show respect for yourself.

For example, if you’re in a situation with a friend where they do something that makes you angry (for example: cancelling plans, forgetting an important date, etc), constructive anger may involve you stepping away from the situation to figure out the cause of your anger (for example: you feel their actions imply you’re not important to them) so that you can then sit down with your friend and communicate in a calm manner. This may allow your relationship to grow and build with a better understanding of each other. Destructive anger in this situation may involve you yelling at your friend and insulting them, which will likely damage or destroy the relationship. If the hurt your friend has caused makes you want to re-evaluate your friendship, this is valid and there are still constructive ways to end a friendship that will cause the least amount of hurt for all involved. It is also important to note that ignoring the anger and bottling up is likely to cause a bigger blow up down the line or cause “overreactions” to other circumstances.

If anger is bottled up, it can end up coming out unintentionally. You might find you’re getting much angrier at everyday annoyances and disagreements than you might think reasonable. People might push you away or respond badly to your anger, because they feel they do not deserve it - and looking back later, you might feel they don’t deserve it, either. However, because of the anger you’re holding back, you can’t see that in the moment. This is why it is important to think and consider your anger, and listen to what it’s trying to tell you. I have found asking questions of myself to analyze my anger can help, such as in an anger inventory like this one.

While many people see anger as an emotion that causes people to lash out and destroy things, anger can also help to motivate people to create new things. Marches to “Take back the night”, or for “gay pride” have much of their motivation based in anger at injustice and oppression. New laws to better protect survivors of domestic abuse or otherwise help society are often driven by people feeling a huge amount of anger. Properly harnessed, anger can help to take action to change things for the better.

On a more personal level, anger can also be a motivator to improve one’s own life. Many people have used the anger they felt at those who put them down as a motivation toward success. That success might be completing schooling, winning an international athletic competition or publishing a novel. One thing all of those have in common is that they are rarely possible to do with only a little time or a little effort. They are time-consuming tasks which usually require months if not years of work. They can be easy to give up on without motivation - and for many, anger is a big help to keeping that motivation.

It took me years to feel anger. For the first while, I felt ashamed, guilty and like I deserved the abuse I’d endured. Feeling angry at the people responsible for this was a step in my healing. I began putting the blame on those responsible and not myself. I was realizing that I did not deserve to be treated in the harmful ways that I was. This was huge to me as someone that had spent years thinking I deserved my trauma and as a result, future trauma and abuse as well.

There were instances where my anger was destructive, mostly to myself. I engaged in self-harm as a way to vent my anger and it also caused problems in my relationship at the time because I held my anger in and would get really frustrated and project my anger onto my relationship which was not fair to my partner.

Over the years, I’ve learned to cope with my anger more efficiently. What works for someone is largely dependent on them and their needs. For me, it was a literal punching bag to vent out frustrations and journaling. It was sitting down with my anger and treating it like a friend trying to protect me (because it was in a way). It was listening to it and finding the cause. My true anger came from those who hurt me, and in a way, took a part of me. My anger largely came from grief and betrayal. Understanding where it came from did not make it disappear, but it did offer me perspective and allow me to better manage it.

For some, anger is a cover up for other emotions. It becomes a defense mechanism against feeling the sadness, hurt and other emotions that a person does not want to feel. The anger is just the first layer and understanding where that anger comes from, and that the anger is a cover up is a great step in moving beyond it. Feeling the emotions beneath it will play a big part in moving beyond the anger.

Anger is a valid and understandable emotion when it comes to healing from trauma, even if your trauma does not have a specific person to blame (natural disasters and death of a loved one are examples). If the person who hurt you did not mean to or did not know better (like another child), anger is still a valid emotion. You’ve been hurt and you should not have been and it is reasonable to feel angry at this.

For a lot of us, anger plays a part in our healing. And that’s okay! You’re allowed to feel angry. Anger becomes an issue when you allow it to consume you and hurt you or others. The feeling itself is not inherently bad, and it can actually be a good thing. Your anger can be used to help you. It’s what you do with your anger that decides whether it’s helpful to you or not. When I was first told that my anger was “letting the other person win,” I believed that and felt invalidated. I have since realized that my anger has been an important part in understanding my pain and my needs. My anger is not letting someone else win, but letting me win, by helping me to heal.

#my blog posts #i am going to be gradually re-posting my posts #with text under a read more #to make them more accessible to people that don't like external links #anger

477 notes · View notes

zaiisaii · 1 year

Note

MORE ON SUB GOO!! I have found you, and you are gonna be the target for the rest of my life. Your writing is awsome. It always leaves me craving for more!

LOOKISM

⋆ — sub goo .ᐟ ﹙kim goo﹚ .

warning:: gender neu. reader , sub character & nsfw .

sub goo is my favorite goo.

overall, it started as an experiment. that's where his little 'problem' started. he didn't exactly like to be bossed around, especially by someone whose suppose to serve him.

however, the moment you promised him money for every little thing he did, he was so happy. he did everything. still, he hasn't explored anything so sexual.

apart from the stares he'd feel on his ass when he'd bend over to pick something up.

he was flattered honestly.

there were also those words you would tell him when he did a good job. looks amazing, you're the cutest, my good boy.

my good boy.

his chest tightens up and his eyes are automatically cast down like a typical shy schoolgirl. a light blush would spread across his cheeks but he wasn't going to show you that.

you obviously noticed.

maybe he just felt uncomfortable with those words, and maybe that's why he acts like that.

which is why you stopped with the praises.

problem was — he continued to follow your orders like a dumb pup. it also could've been because he wanted to hear those words again yet they never left your mouth. you simply nod in thanks and left him be.

when goo gets fed up he quickly drops the rag in his hands on the floor, am i doing a good job, am i?

he wants to hear you say he's doing good, for you to guide him when he messed up. heck, he isn't even your cleaner and he just drops by and ends up cooking and cleaning everything!

a little more praise won't hurt.

he wants to hear it from your lips.

i just know his dumbass searched on google about his obsession. 'why do i like getting praised?', 'is it healthy for a man to be praised by a rich person?', 'how do i get someone to praise me'.

through those searches he'd fall into a rabbit hole of multiple videos of sub men. he most likely didn't even know they existed 😭

and that's how he realized he liked it. he liked the thought of you doing everything he saw in the videos.

following that, he'd confront you (very horribly, might i add). you were on a phone call when he suddenly burst into your office.

"do you wanna fuck me?!"

you spun in his direction, eyes wide. his clothes weren't ironed and his hair wasn't combed to perfection like he always had it. he ran here on foot.

you hung up on the phone abruptly, "pardon?"

goo swallows nervously, "why do you pay me for no reason?"

"...i don't have a valid reason," you squinted your eyes, where was he going with this? "i just thought it was cute to mess with you."

"oh.."

a tense silence falls over him, he slumps down in a chair and rubs at his face.

you nod after a while, "yes, i could keep paying you if you'd like."

huh?

"for sex?!" he was over the moon when you agreed. it was your goal after all — a very shitty goal, yes.

his eyes flutter shut in embarrassment when you took charge. he hated feeling like a caged animal yet, he somehow really enjoyed it. it caused something to stir in his stomach and he was pushed past a limit he didn't even know he had.

he found out he enjoyed being bossed around, especially in public spaces. where everyone could tell he was head over heels.

the fake blond whines when you push him against the bathroom stall. he was quick to throw his head back to allow you to attack his neck with open-mouthed kisses. "you–... you were taking too long!"

goo had been patient enough to wait for an hour at your meeting, as long as he was going to get a 'reward' for his good behavior but one hour turned into two, and then three. he no longer had the patience

"gives you no right to whine like a pathetic slut." he keens when you kiss under his ear, teeth biting gently at the lobe.

his fingers curl into your hair to pull you closer to him, as close as he could bring you. he pouts when you don't budge.

"i'm sorry."

he never truly was.

sub goo loves when you're angry. he wants you to take all your stress out on him. pull his hair, manhandle him, touch him however you want.

the best way to make him beg for forgiveness is to never give him what he wants.

what is it?

he wants it faster? you go slower and gentle. he wants you to slow down? you go faster and harder.

he wants you to get angry? take a deep breath and stay calm.

you sigh deeply before taking a step away from him. he cries at the loss. "i forgive you. now let's get out of here."

his chest heaves rapidly, you're going to leave him like this? with hickeys on his neck and a tent in his pants?

his eyes swell up with tears. he watches silently as the door shuts behind you, still pressed up against the stall.

"no!"

thats all i got.

#lookism x reader #sub character #lookism #lookism smut #dom reader #dom!reader #gender neutral reader #webtoon #sub lookism #top reader #goo smut #lookism goo #goo x reader #gn reader #goo kim #kim joongoo

1K notes · View notes

ninetailedfoxmanchi · 1 year

Text

What is Simon 'Ghost' Riley actually like in a relationship (according to me)

A/N: I know this isn't anything like the things I usually write fics about but if I don't get this out of my system, I will spontaneously combust into flames from thought overload. There is a lot of great fics about him out there, 100%, but there is a steamy pile of garbage as well which makes Simon "an abusive asshole" to quote a TikTok I recently saw - and I couldn't agree more. So, here is my soft take on this tough guy and I hope you can enjoy reading this despite it being pretty far away from everything else on this blog.

Warnings: mentions of torture, violence, weapons, PTSD, profanity, explicit sexual themes but also so much fluff and softness

A/N pt. 2: I base this on Ghost's backstory according to the comic books as well as the video games but this is just my take so if you imagined him differently, that is totally valid!

* * *

Firstly and most importantly, Simon is a very different in his private life compared to his work; meaning he is good at separating the violent side of his work life from the life he has with you.

He must be the softest, the most gentle person there is when he is with you. I think he is very shy in the beginning as well as in early relationship given how his father treated him growing up. It is not that Simon wouldn't trust you, it's more that he would not trust himself. After all, after the Manuel Roba operation, he was tortured for months and came out with severe anger issues.

However, he was able to resolve this when he re-joined the military and engaged therapy but the scars remained: both mental as well as physical.

The reason why Ghost never takes off his mask is because of the scars Vernon and the lot left on his face (and the rest of his body). They are healed now but whenever he sees them in the mirror, he is reminded of everything he has been through, especially the loss of his family.

After Simon had told you why he keeps his mask on even in private life, at least the bottom part, you would not mind it as much but you would also reassure him that the way you feel about him could never be changed by some scars.

Needless to say, Simon would be very, very protective of you. He has lost everyone he has ever loved and cared about and he would never allow the same happen with you. It must be said though that Simon is not possessive. He above all knows the importance of freedom, especially when it comes to making choices about yourself and your comfort.

Still, Simon would face some control issues when you'd go out on your own. At work, he is used to being in charge of everybody, making sure everyone is safe and manning their positions. But with you, he needs to remind himself you are not going to war but just out with your friends, out grocery shopping, out to the library or somewhere. The thought of losing you drives him insane. He could never forgive himself if it happened when he could be by your side instead.

It goes without saying though that Simon prefers the comfort of his home to just about any other place. Clubs give him anxiety and the loud music triggers his PTSD, bars and restaurants are okay here and there but there is no place like home.

He does enjoy hiking and walking with you though.

Simon is romantic by heart so picnics in the nature would be his go-to dates. A bottle of wine, cheese and olives, a blanket in a spot with a view... You'd trace his features gently with the tip of your finger; the curve of his nose, his lips where he'd take your hand in his and kissed it softly as you would lay together in a secluded spot somewhere.

Bonus: when you decide to go home, Simon would never let you help carry any of the things he'd brought. Maybe the blanket but everything else, he'd pile up in his massive arms and carry them all the way home while barely seeing over the heap.

When it comes to sex, Simon would be just as reserved as with taking off his mask in the beginning. He would need much assurance from you that you really wanted to be with him intimately before trying anything.

Contrary to popular belief, Simon would never do anything that could even remotely hurt you when you had sex (or otherwise). On the one hand, he is well aware of his size and strength, and on the other, it is his childhood trauma that keeps him from trying anything that could potentially hurt you (even choking, spanking, etc. is not something he is comfortable with) even if you'd ask him to experiment.

Simon has seen, felt and inflicted too much violence in his life to have it included in his love life as well. All he wants to do is make you feel safe and loved especially when you have sex because this is one of the ways he expresses his love to you.

His sex drive is not that high but when you do have sex, he likes to make it special and intimate. Simon is very serious about it and wants you to enjoy yourself more than anything. To be honest, just seeing you climax causes him do the same.

He enjoys going down on your very much; the intimacy, the softness of your moans, his arms locked around your thighs when his fingers are not intertwined with yours.

Simon's favourite part though is the aftercare. He loves cuddling with you. Physical touch is yet another of his love languages although he was very reserved in the beginning of the relationship.

He is the big spoon the majority of time but sometimes (his favourite) Simon lays his head on your chest, wraps his arms around your waist and lets you play with his hair. He can fall asleep almost instantly.

It cannot be stressed enough that Simon never ever EVER raises his voice at you. Even when you are having an argument (which is not often), he never yells much less gets violent in any way.

He is a great listener and despite not saying much a lot of the time, Simon communicates well although he struggles very much to word his feelings.

After an argument or just for no particular occasion at all, Simon gets you flowers (a lot) - and different kinds every time. Another way for Simon to apologize is to cook for you. He is not very good at it but it is the effort that counts.

When he is away on a mission, Simon calls you a lot just to hear your voice, especially when he is too stressed to fall asleep. Your voice calms him down and help him get some rest but also reassures him you are alright whilst he is not there to keep you safe.

Simon likes to listen about your day, your feelings and your ideas. It keeps his mind far away from dark places. But every now and again, he would trust you with a fragment of his memories when his thoughts are just too loud. You know how precious and how rare it is that Simon opens up to you.

You don't say anything when he talks about his memories and his family but you always hold his hand, brushing your thumb across his calloused knuckles or drawing gentle shapes against his broad back.

You pepper his skin with soft kisses when his voice quietens and lead his head to rest against your chest as you pet his hair.

He likes to listen to you sing too, even if your voice is not the greatest. Even just humming a random melody and feeling your chest vibrate softly beneath his cheek will ease his heart.

Random bonus: Simon drinks English breakfast, no cream and one cube of sugar and has an occasional cigarette with it (Marlboro).

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #cod mw2 fanfic #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley imagine #simon riley imagine #modern warefare 2 x reader #modern warfare 2

2K notes · View notes

slut4thebroken · 6 months

Text

Exposure Therapy pt. 12

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane x reader

Summary | Jon comes home to find you crying and in a moment of weakness, you make a mistake.

Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, smut, pregnancy scare, post panic attack?, angst, comfort, body worship?, deep throating, fingering, vaginal sex, breeding, disgusting fluff

Words | 4.3k

Notes | I recommend grabbing a barf bag before proceeding because the fluff in this is absolutely nauseating. (Also I’m reusing gifs now I guess😭)

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Part 11

The front door opened softly, then shut just as quiet, and you held your breath as you listened for his footsteps. He called your name, presumably walking around the apartment to find you. Then the handle on the bathroom door jiggled, but it wouldn’t open.

“Don’t come in.” You croaked, even though it was locked anyway.

“Are you crying? What happened?” He sounded significantly more worried now, which only made you feel worse.

“Nothing, I- I’m just.. going to the bathroom.” You muttered weakly, hugging your legs tighter to your chest.

“Please let me in, little one.” You let out a quiet sob and buried your face in your knees. After a moment, you heard the door crack open and you lifted your head as he walked in, pocketing his keys. You cursed at yourself for not remembering that these kinds of door handle locks can be turned from the outside.

“What happened?” He kneeled next to you and brushed your hair away from your face to see you better as his other hand gently wiped the tears off your cheeks.

“I- I threw up.” You said through a sob, feeling your chest start to tighten and your breathing start to come in short pants again.

“That’s why you’re crying?” You knew he didn’t understand it yet.

“Jon, I threw up.” You gave him a knowing look as you bit your trembling lip, waiting for him to figure it out. His lips parted and his eyes just barely widened, so you gave him a pained smile before looking at your knees again.

“Do you still feel sick?”

“Not because of that.” You muttered, mostly sure that you were nauseous from anxiety and fear now, rather than actual morning sickness. He helped you to your feet and brought you over to the sink, instructing you to just rinse your mouth out a little so you didn’t have to keep tasting it. When you finished, he led you to the bed and pulled you onto it, letting you lay over him as he wrapped his arms around your torso.

“You can take a test, then we’ll go from there, okay?” He said softly, placing a kiss on your hair.

“What about after that? It’s not like I can exactly just walk into a clinic now.”

“I know a doctor who owes me a favor. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Jon.” The exhaustion was clear in your voice, especially now that you were laying down, in his arms.

“Regardless, I’m still sorry you had to go through that alone. I won’t leave your side until we have it figured out.”

“You don’t have to do that… I overreacted.”

“I’d hardly call having a panic attack over a very valid fear overreacting.” He scoffed teasingly, making the corners of your lips turn up a little.

“Still, if I would’ve just thought it through for a moment I wouldn’t have spiraled.”

“They’re called irrational fears for a reason, darling.”

“You keep doing that.” You muttered, cheeks burning.

“Doing what?”

“Calling me new names.”

“You like them.” He said simply, as if that explained the total switch from reluctantly calling you one name, to now using multiple, voluntarily.

“But you don’t…” The way you said it made it sound like a question, but he didn’t answer. You did, however, hear his heart rate increase slightly. “Do you?” You asked skeptically, practically able to feel the way he probably rolled his eyes.

“It’s tolerable.” He muttered and you lifted your head to look at him, finding the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips.

“God- you’re such a softie.” You mumbled, laying back down, biting back a grin. He scoffed in response.

“Once you’re feeling better, we’ll see if you still think I’m a softie.” The seductive tone made your stomach flutter.

“Sex doesn’t count. That’s pretend.” After a moment of silence, he seemed to realize you won this round because the only response you got was a huff.

You laid there silently, listening to his heart beating and trying to feel the warmth of his chest beneath his suit. His hand moved up to lightly play with your hair and scratch your head, making your eyes flutter shut as you smiled.

“Feels good.” You mumbled against him, eyes growing incredibly heavy all of a sudden.

“Are you tired?” He asked quietly and you hummed in agreement. “Go to sleep, little one. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He placed another kiss on top of your head, making your heart flutter.

“Thanks. Love you.” You mumbled, words slurring together. His hand froze and he stiffened beneath you, but it barely registered in your exhausted brain. He placed another kiss on your head, this one longer and gentler, then continued petting your hair, his heart pounding much louder in his chest now.

Despite getting a few hours of sleep, you still felt tired and drained when you woke up, more than likely because of your extremely long and intense crying session. The second you realized that all you felt were the sheets, you opened your eyes and reached out on the bed, feeling for him.

“Jon?” You mumbled, trying to get your eyes to adjust to the light.

“I’m here.” You turned over and found him sitting on the bed next to you, now in sweatpants and a shirt, with some papers on his lap.

“God- I feel like shit.” You groaned, letting your head drop into the pillow.

“I left water for you on the nightstand. Do you want anything else?” Fuck— water sounds amazing right now. Keeping your head buried in the pillow, you blindly reached for the nightstand and moved your hand around until you met the bottle sitting there. You barely lifted your head enough to chug the drink.

“I hate crying, I always feel so gross and tired after.” You grumbled, setting the bottle back on the nightstand.

“You seem to be in a better mood despite that.” He noted. You laid back down on the pillow and placed a hand on his bicep, wanting to touch him, but still trying to let him work.

“I trust you and I know you’re going to help me figure it out.” You let your eyes fall shut, listening to his pen gliding across the paper.

“Are you okay with a normal test? Or would you prefer to get tested at the doctor's office.”

“Um…” You bit your lip, feeling embarrassed about your answer. False negatives on drugstore tests are not uncommon. Plus you just trust an ‘official’ test more. He seemed to pick up on what you were thinking though.

“I’ll take you.”

“Thanks.” Your heart suddenly dropped when you got hit with deja vu. “Thanks. Love you.” Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Clearing your throat, you tried to organize your thoughts and not panic. Maybe he didn’t hear it? He doesn’t seem upset so maybe he did hear it but he doesn’t care? Because he didn’t say it back… Is that why he’s not laying with you anymore and laying beside you instead?

He shushed you softly and placed his hand over yours on his arm.

“I didn’t say anything…”

“Not aloud, no.” Sometimes it’s a little unnerving how easily he can read you. Should you apologize? Take it back? He would’ve said it back by now if he felt the same way though… You tried not to tear up at the thought, but it made your chest ache and you couldn’t help it.

“I- I didn’t mean… I said that by accident. I didn’t mean to.” You said weakly. The pen on the paper suddenly stopped and you held your breath, waiting to be yelled at or left alone.

“You didn’t mean to say it or you didn’t mean it?” He asked quietly. You bit your lip and angled your face more toward the pillow because you could practically feel his eyes on your head.

“Um…” You did mean it. And you’re pretty sure he knows that. This felt like one of those moments that would change the way everything goes from here. If you tell him the truth, he either feels the same way, or he doesn’t. If you lie, he’ll either be relieved or disappointed. You’re not sure which option is more worth the risk.

“It’s okay if you didn’t mean it.” What the fuck does that mean?

“Did you want me to mean it?” He just paused, then sighed quietly at your response. He was silent for so long that you could practically hear your heart breaking. “Let’s just- forget about it. Pretend it never happened… I’m sorry for saying it in the first place, I shouldn’t have.” Taking in a shaky breath, you realized that your eyes were completely blurry with tears that were on the verge of falling any second now. You quickly sat up and started moving toward the edge of the bed to get up and go to the bathroom, but he stopped you with a hand on your wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“…The bathroom?” Your voice trembled embarrassingly, making you feel worse about all of this. When you tried pulling away, his grip tightened, but not enough to actually hurt you.

“Yes.” He said, voice strained.

“What?”

“I… I want you to have meant it.”

“You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better,”

“I’m not.” He said firmly, cutting you off. “I- I… feel the same.” You turned back around and he looked down once he met your gaze. You’ve never heard him stumble over his words like this.

“Are you fucking with me?” Your tone was harsher now, a warning. If he was lying or making fun of you… you’re not afraid to go find your wristband with his toxin and use it on him.

“Do you really think I would do that?” He scoffed in what might’ve been amusement.

“Answer me.”

“No, I’m not.” He sighed. “I just— Don’t expect me to be able to say it. I haven’t since I was a child.” The thought made you frown. He probably didn’t say it to his family as a child based on what he told you, but he’s never had anyone in his adult life that he felt that way about?

“You’ve never had any girlfriends or anything?” You asked, trying to get rid of your frown so he didn’t take it the wrong way.

“Believe it or not, I wasn’t very popular with women. I’m still not.” Even though part of you can believe that, another part is just completely surprised that he hasn’t had one girlfriend.

“How?? You’re smart and kinky and funny and kind and pretty and you have fluffy hair. How has no one been interested?” His cheeks turned pink and he looked away from you again.

“Most people don’t agree with my… line of work.”

“I see… Well that’s their loss.” You shrugged, making the corners of his lips turn up.

“You think I’m pretty?” He suddenly asked, making you smile.

“I think you’re very pretty.” You crawled toward him and moved the papers away so you could sit on his lap, his hands lightly holding your hips. “Your lips are so pink and soft,” You said quietly, cupping his cheek and trailing your thumb over them, “and I don’t even know how it’s possible to have bone structure like this.” You softly trailed your fingers over his cheekbones, staring at them in awe and feeling how warm his cheeks were getting. “And you have freckles. They’re really faint, but I like them a lot.” You brushed your fingers across his nose and cheeks, following the path of freckles.

“Your eyes are pretty too.” You gently removed his glasses and set them on top of the papers. “Mesmerizing.” You muttered, absentmindedly, as your gaze shifted between his eyes. He looked away from you, snapping you out of the trance you were in.

“Why do you think I had such a big crush on you after we first met?” You chuckled, making him look at you again.

“You did?”

“Yes, you dork. Honestly, it was a little embarrassing. You made me so nervous.” Now it was your turn to blush a little.

“I thought you were just nervous because of the.. usual topic of our discussions.”

“It was a bit of both.” There was a lull in the conversation, so you decided to change the subject. “You know what else I think is pretty?” He didn’t give you a verbal response, trying to seem nonchalant about it. Placing your hands on his chest, you snaked them down his stomach to his pants, teasing the waistband. “Your cock.” You smirked, carefully studying his reaction. Which was worth it because for half a second, he was flustered and surprised before he schooled his face into a more neutral expression.

“How on earth can that be pretty?” He scoffed, cheeks glowing red now.

“You tell me, doctor.” You said teasingly. His hands started dragging down your thighs, then back up to your hips. “How about I compliment it properly, hm?” You moved down to sit over his thighs and grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants, waiting for him to stop you, but he never did. So you kept going, only pulling them down to his mid thigh.

It didn’t take long for you to stroke him to full hardness as you laid on your stomach between his legs. When you kissed the tip of his cock and licked up the bead of precum, he let out a shaky breath and placed a gentle hand on the back of your head.

“You get so pink,” you said quietly, mouthing at the head of his cock, “and there’s this vein down here,” you licked a long stripe up the bottom of his cock, over the vein, “it’s so fucking hot.” You whispered. Glancing up at him, you noticed that his cheeks were even more red now as he stared down at you in almost awe.

Wanting to tease him, you kissed down his cock until you reached his balls and started licking and kissing them gently. Your hand was still holding his cock, but it was unmoving. When his hips bucked, you couldn’t help but smirk against him.

“Be patient, Jon.” You reprimanded softly.

“Stop being a tease.” He said through a breath, making you pull away with a pout.

“Jonny, please just let me take my time. Haven’t had you in my mouth in so long.” You whined, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. He cursed under his breath and let his head fall back until it hit the headboard quietly.

“Stop calling me that.” The weak demand was the only protest you got, so you leaned back down to continue.

“But I like calling you Jonny. Makes your face so red.” You giggled quietly, barely pulling away to speak. As you mouthed at his balls, he threaded his fingers through your hair and lightly grabbed it, not moving you at all though.

“Red from annoyance maybe.” He grumbled, making you smile. When you sucked one of his balls in your mouth, his breath caught in his throat and his grip tightened just the slightest amount. You released his cock, letting it rest on his stomach, and he huffed as the barest amount of stimulation went to no stimulation. You pulled off with a wet pop and looked up at him through your lashes.

“Are you sure, Jonny?” You asked innocently, but your grin turned outright devious when his cock twitched on his stomach. He rolled his eyes with a scoff.

“That means nothing.” He muttered, gently pushing your head back down. You decided to give him a break from the teasing and focus on the task at hand. Sucking the other one in your mouth, you picked up his cock and stroked slowly, forcing a shaky breath out of him as he ran his fingers through your hair, letting you have full control. If he keeps acting like this, you’re going to get on a total power trip— especially after the last time you had sex. Maybe not a dominant power trip, but a power trip nonetheless.

You continued licking and kissing and sucking, all while slowly stroking him and savoring his soft sounds. After another moment, you decided to kiss back up his cock until you reached the tip. When you licked the bead of precum, he cursed under his breath and you smiled to yourself, licking the head of his cock again just to tease him.

“C’mon.” He urged quietly, not yet forcing you though. When you held the base of his cock and mouthed at the tip, he all but whined as he squirmed under you. “Please, little one.” You barely heard it, but you knew you didn’t hallucinate it.

“You’re being so patient, Jonny.” You said proudly, making his cock jump in your hand. “I promise I’ll start soon, I just wanna enjoy this first.” He let out a quiet sigh when you continued licking and sucking on the tip, never going any lower.

“Baby, please.” He whined, making you moan around him. Something about that pet name is just different than the others and you couldn’t help but give in.

“Okay, Jonny.” You gave him a small smile before leaning back down and wrapping your lips around him, immediately taking him half way. Your hand stayed at the base as you bobbed up and down.

“Fuck… Good girl.” He said through a breath. His fingers threaded through your hair again, but he didn’t take control yet. When your hand slipped down to cup his balls and you took him deeper in your mouth, he let out a choked moan as his hips flinched up, making you gag. He didn’t verbally apologize, he just brought his other hand up to gently pet your head as you continued.

You took him deeper and deeper each time until his cock was hitting the back of your mouth. When you reached up and put your hand on top of the one he had in your hair, pushing down on it, he cursed under his breath, but complied eagerly. His cock breached your throat barrier and you choked as he let out a low groan.

“So fucking good.” He groaned and if you were able to make any sounds, you would’ve whined at the praise. He pulled you off and let you catch your breath. While you panted, you stroked his cock, looking up at him and he cursed under his breath at the sight of you, then moved you back onto his cock.

He fucked your throat slowly, but pushed you all the way down everytime, making you gag as saliva and tears started building up. When he pushed you down and held you there, you tried to control your gag reflex so you could stay like this, but you weren’t successful. You couldn’t pull off so you placed your hands on his thighs and tried harder, but he just grabbed your hand in his free one and held it, letting you squeeze to ground yourself.

He removed the pressure and you shot up with a gasp, trying to calm down quickly so you could keep going. His thumb was rubbing back and forth on your hand, soothing you while simultaneously making your stomach flutter.

“Come up here, little one.” He said softly, making you frown.

“But ‘m not done.” You pouted, making the corners of his lips turn up into a small smile.

“I know, darling, but I don’t want to come in your mouth.” His tone was far too sweet for the words that left his mouth. You glanced at his cock with a blush, then looked back up at him and nodded.

“Okay.” You got up on your knees and started pushing his shirt up, making him stiffen a little. When you reached his chest, you told him to take it off and he obeyed. Instead of settling on his lap, you stayed between his legs and snaked your hands back down his torso. The scars littering his body made you frown, especially now that you knew where most of them were from. When you leaned down to kiss one, his body went completely stiff under you, making you pause.

“What are you doing?” His tone was guarded and a little harsh, and you faltered.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t have to.” You said quietly, pulling away more to look up at him. He stared down at you with apprehension, looking like he was having an internal battle in his mind about what he wanted. Even after he relaxed a little, you still waited, only moving when he gave you a small nod.

You just barely pressed your lips to the raised skin, still worried you were making him uncomfortable. When he didn’t go stiff or push you away, you continued. You kissed most of the scars on his stomach, going up to his chest. You reached the highest one, just below his collar bone, and finally straddled his legs. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you leaned down to kiss him and his hands settled on your hips.

One of his hands snaked over your stomach and down until he reached your underwear. He slipped his hand inside and cursed under his breath at your obvious arousal. When he started rubbing slow circles on your clit, you whined into the kiss and squirmed on his lap.

“Fuck me.” You whispered, making his grip tighten on your hip.

“You’re not ready yet.” He replied, just as quietly, then started trailing kisses over your jaw and down to your neck to darken the fading bruises.

“Please, Jonny… s’too empty.” You whimpered, grinding against his hand.

“Soon, little one.” You huffed and he bit down on your skin, making you wince, but grind harder against him. He slipped your shirt over your head, then leaned forward, taking your nipple in his mouth and sucking gently.

“Please— ‘m ready…” You whined. All he did was switch to the other nipple to give it the same treatment. When he finally pulled back and removed his hand, you threaded your fingers through his hair, pulling lightly. He suddenly grabbed your panties with both hands and ripped them clean off your body, making you gasp out a moan.

“I liked those…” You whined, pouting.

“I’ll buy you more.” He didn’t actually roll his eyes, but his tone made it seem like he was about to. When he lined his cock up with your entrance, your breath caught in your throat and you waited anxiously. “Relax.” He whispered, pulling you down to kiss you again. Your body obeyed and as soon as he felt your muscles loosen up, he pulled you down onto him, making you both moan into the kiss. It was still a little tight, and there was a faint burning sensation, but it satisfied every part of you that was needing to feel full.

He started pulling your hips forward and back, rocking you against him slowly until you picked up the pace on your own. When he pulled away from the kiss, you whined, but he ignored you and just brushed your hair out of your face, then cupped your cheek.

“Say it again.” He said through a breath, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What?”

“Say it. Please.” His eyes bored into yours with an almost desperate look that you weren’t used to, that’s when it finally clicked. You stared down at him, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of his cock inside you and focus on getting the words out, but it was hard. Even though you’re the more vulnerable one in this relationship, you’re still not used to it.

“I—” You choked out, unable to finish.

“Please, little one.” He whispered, squeezing your hip a little harder. So you took a deep breath and tried again.

“I love you,” The words were still foreign on your tongue. He let out a shaky breath and pulled you back down into a kiss, making you moan at the suddenness.

“Again.” He mumbled against your lips.

“I love you.” Your movements were growing more eager and he moved his hand down to rub your clit, bringing you closer to the edge. “I love you, Jon.” He had to separate from the kiss as he panted, but he kept his forehead pressed to yours.

“I—” He started, making your heart skip a beat. But his breathing quickly grew more labored and you could tell it was out of anxiety rather than arousal.

“I know. You don’t have to say it yet.” You whispered, even though your entire being was craving the opposite. He didn’t seem convinced that that was enough, so you added, “I love you too.”

Too.

Because he loves you.

He loves you and you love him too.

Your orgasm hit you suddenly and you moaned and whined as you writhed in his lap. His eyes fluttered shut and his grip got even tighter on your hip as his release crashed over him. Through the almost intense orgasm, you could feel hot come painting your walls, adding to your already overwhelming pleasure. When it finally passed and you were both panting, he pushed your hair that had fallen forward out of your face and cupped your cheek again, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

“Do you really mean it?” He asked quietly, looking up at you nervously. You moved your hands from his hair to the sides of his head and held him there gently, not letting him look away.

“Yes. More than anything.” You whispered, watching his eyes flutter as he swallowed thickly. “Do you really mean it?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate this time.

Part 13

Taglist (join here)

@pedrisgatorade @lunyyx @faebirdie @idkdudsworld @rentaldarling @cillianscrybaby @vivvive @ceruleanrainblues @mrkdvidal1989 @brooklynscherry-z @ohmysatansstuff @aviamulier @d1lf-loverthinqs @butlersluvbot @miyababby @n1ghtw1ngslver @mandowhatnow @baekhyunstruly @nashja @xxorazz @crunchsworld @babaohhhriley @deceitfuldevout @gentyleman @lorelais-world @shroombloom-rry @pinguwrites @bluujaiwrites @ohmysatansstuff @halleysc6met @d1lf-loverthinqs @baekhyunstruly

285 notes · View notes

wosohermoso · 5 months

Text

Lucy Bronze

Mi Casa Es Su Casa

Warnings: Implied homophobia, FLUFF, none?

Lucy shows a level of affection that she has been holding back on for a while

“You ready?” I give Lucy a light tipped smile as she does the zipper up on her coat.

“Mhm” She nods, picking up the leash as my family dog Bessie follows her out of our home.

Lucy had been staying with my family for the past few days. It was the first time in a good while that we had been able to spend some quality time together. Despite having been together for over a year, the time we spent together in person was always hindered by however many days Lucy had away from training, which wasn’t as many as we liked, so we’d soak up as much time together when we could - for however long we could.

My family adored Lucy. My parents treated her like their own as soon as she stepped foot in our home for the first time, just as Lucy’s family did with me, and it was such a breath of fresh air knowing that our families adored us just the same. Being completely openly affectionate in front of them, though - was something Lucy struggled with - having been in past relationships in which her partners family were not okay with their daughter dating another girl.

Winter had hit with a vengeance, the misty air making the end of the walkways almost indecipherable. It was safe to say the pair of us were freezing.

I pull my scarf over my nose and mouth as we walk along the frosted path of the woodland park, Lucy’s hand intertwines with mine.

“I think I’m gonna help your mum prepare the roast when we get back” She states, her thumb brushing delicately over mine.

“Yeah?” I grin behind my scarf.

“M-yeah.” She nods. “Gotta show her I care, right?” She chuckles.

I giggle at the gesture, giving her hand a small squeeze as we continue on our walk.

Bessie trotted beside Lucy, still attached to her leash, while she sniffed around in the leaves.

“Alsooo-” Lucy drags out, stopping us in her tracks as she very carefully pulls me towards her.

“What?” I giggle as my hand glides effortlessly around my girlfriends waist.

Lucy pulls down my scarf as she leans down ever so slightly, placing her lips delicately against mine.

“I feel like I haven’t actually given you a proper kiss since being home” She breathes out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

In that moment - I realised that although Lucy had been staying with us for just under a week, we hadn’t really shown each other that much affection away from my closed bedroom door. I hadn’t really thought about it, because I respected Lucy’s wishes of taking things slow while family were around, it’s something she was wary about and for valid reasons. With the both of us being one of, if not, the only members of our families that considered ourselves to be part of the lgbtq+ community, it was always going to be complex to navigate, even if our families didn’t care. Having people pretend that they don’t mind, but then bringing it up in unnecessary situations was something the both of us had had to deal with in the past. It was just something that played on her mind quite a bit, and that was completely okay.

“Home?” I tilt my head, admiring how the faint white hue of the crisp air made her eyes look all the more greener. I was in absolute awe of her.

“My home is your home” She tilts her head to mimic me.

“Mi casa es su casa” I state, before her lips once again, press against mine.

The kiss was deeper, all the more meaningful, as she brings my chin closer with her thumb and finger, before her hand slips behind my neck.

Her head tilts slightly as I feel her tongue brush against my lower lip, a small giggle leaving my mouth as I feel her grin against me. The brisk air against my face was very quickly masked by Lucy’s lips, as well as her embrace. Not only did she make me warm on the outside, but so warm inside without even realising.

I open my mouth just a little wider, allowing Lucy to deepen the kiss, our tongues slowly brushing against each other in passion and unison.

This kiss meant more to us than any other. It was soft, slow, and it felt like we were the only two people in the entire world.

That was until I felt Lucy jolt against me.

“M- what the fuck” She gasps as her lips leave mine.

Bessie jumps up at Lucy repeatedly, her muddy paws leaving almost perfect prints on her grey joggers.

Lucy cackles, giving me a short peck on the lips.

“Okay Bessie!” She laughs at my extra impatient dog. “Come on!” She grins as she begins to be dragged along by Bessie, her hand latching on to mine as we are unwilling lead away from our intimate situation.

“Wait.” Lucy turns to me. “One more” She pleads, giving me a soft peck on the lips.

“One more” She kisses me again, chuckling as Bessie drags her further and further away from me.

“Wait!” She pouts, attempting to give me one last peck before reluctantly continuing to walk.

“She’s a jealous lady, aren’t you Bess!” I laugh as I watch Bessie pull Lucy along the crystallised path.

“She doesn’t like her mama showing affection to others, she’s the one you have to watch out for!” I snort.

Lucy flashes me a playful eye roll.

“Mama? Sounds good” Lucy glances at me, a soft smile sweeping across her face before her eyes avert down to her feet.

The thought of - one day - having children with Lucy made my heart burst, and I could tell by the way that Lucy looked at me in that moment, that that was what was going through her mind.

“One day, Lucia” I give her hand a soft, reassuring squeeze.

“One day” She nods.

#lucy bronze #woso x reader #woso #lionesses #reader x lucy bronze #england #lucy bronze smut #lucy bronze x reader #reader x woso

351 notes · View notes