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charcubed · 1 year

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A lot of people refer to Cas as "gay," which I think is awesome and everything. But I personally always considered him more as "queer" for a number of reasons, such as:

angel genders and vessels are very fluid. Would he still be considered "gay" if he were in a female vessel, and in love with Dean? Also, there are several times in the series where Cas appears to be attracted to women (some ppl don't consider these moments valid for Reasons™ which is fine. But I do.) He also seems, in my opinion, to only be romantically interested in Dean, and I think this would be true if Dean were female. So that would make Cas closer to demi.

Point is, I recently saw a post on sm that was like "reminder: Cas is GAY. He's not bi, pan, or unlabeled, he's gay and that's not negotiable."

I consider myself queer and a huge Cas fan, so it was weird to see my interpretation of a character I know really well and relate to just be invalidated like that.

And I just kind of wanted you opinion, cuz I know like in Dean's case, seeing him as anything other than bi is pretty clearly against canon.

But is the same true for Cas? Is it wrong to see him as an umbrella "queer?" I know Misha calls him gay, which I love and respect, but I don't really let my interpretations be dictated by actor opinions. I feel like canon supports a much more fluid interpretation of Cas, but I'm just wondering if I'm wrong for that, in terms of what canon supports.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. Thanks for your thoughts in this fandom I love them

Hi!! Thank you for the nice words and for wanting to know my thoughts on this. I appreciate you :)

Sorry it took me over a week to finish this. I kind of started it, realized it was probably gonna be longer than I’d expected, and then added to it in pieces when off work so as not to half-ass it.

Also, I want you to know that I think you absolutely rock for this message. The fact that you have a strong personal interpretation or strong feelings about what your view of Cas' sexuality means to you, while being open to hearing arguments for what canon supports, is exactly the kind of nuance too many people in fandom lack. Huge fuckin shout out to you, anon, because this takes both guts and brain cells!

I have two primary threads of thought I'm going to address here, as well as how they criss-cross:

I agree that Cas' canon sexuality is a slightly different topic than Dean's canon sexuality. Dean's bisexuality is not unclear/unambiguous, and there's no wiggle room there; he's frequently attracted to women, he's frequently attracted to men, there's bi lighting, it's all not rocket science. Cas is a bit more ~ambiguously queer~, so advocating for fandom maintaining a unanimous hard stance on his canon sexuality is... a little trickier. In that vein, the "reminder" post you mentioned seeing feels too intense in my opinion for the nature of this particular conversation/topic.

That being said: from an analytical standpoint, I do think the strongest argument to be made based on canon is that Cas is gay and demi.

Since you seem open to it and asked for my thoughts overall, I'm gonna break down point 2 before circling back to point 1. Quick reminder/disclaimer that I'm not trying to invalidate you or your personal connection to Cas with anything I'm about to say, so please keep that in mind <3

You mentioned how some people don't consider Cas' moments of being attracted to women as ~being valid~ and said you disagree. That's fair! At the same time... in a nuanced fashion, that's where I land on it. I also think the show took care to ultimately build to and portray a full picture with all of that factored in, and to talk about that I kinda gotta go into detail here, because it's one part of a bigger piece. I’m not trying to turn this into a comprehensive meta deep dive, so I’m going to talk about this in a sort of summarized way but not go too far into breaking down any one point or analyzing any one scene. Hope that’s cool.

Let’s look at Cas’ biggest “moments,” as it were, with women. Or the ones I would guess people intend to reference.

First up: there’s Meg. We’ve got the “pizza man" season 6 kiss, the season 7 arc of Meg watching over Cas during his mental break, and season 8 when Meg sacrifices herself.

The season 6 "pizza man" kiss, to me, really plays into the overall mood of Cas' curiosity as he explores and tries to understand human behavior. He watched porn and was intrigued/confused/aroused, Meg kissed him partially to get at his angel blade (not a euphemism lmao), and then his curiosity kicked in so he kissed her more thoroughly because the opportunity was there. Those scenes are all connected, and he doesn’t have much of a reaction after the kiss. Then, season 7 is a whole suitcase to unpack, but… the bottom line there is that Meg treated Cas with decency when he was vulnerable in every sense of the word. And then in season 8, Cas undeniably had a fondness for Meg by the end, and they were friends... but I don't read it as him having an attraction to her or romantic feelings for her. I do not mean this as shade or hate to anyone who ships them, but my reading on that dynamic overall is that I do think Meg felt something for Cas in terms of both attraction and feelings; and while that makes it all a bittersweet tragedy, it also doesn't mean things were reciprocally non-platonic. She was into him, but he seemingly wasn’t into her in the same way. After Meg’s death, Cas also never asks about her or mentions her or has any reaction at all to her being gone–something that would have been very easy for them to incorporate with even one mention if they'd wanted to or considered it foundational. (For example, mentions of Dean's relationship with Benny are recurring throughout the show, lending its non-platonic nature and its significance for establishing bi Dean even more weight.) Season 8 Megstiel content is also placed narratively right up against the Destiel content, and the contrast of that is–of course–pretty stark. That was likely deliberate. Cas’ feelings for Dean are unavoidably, unmistakably at the forefront.

Then you've got season 9. A newly human Cas–who was given the heteronormative suggestion by Metatron to "Find a wife. Make babies."–gets seduced then killed by April, all of which is traumatizing dubious consent galore. Then you’ve got Cas thinking he's being asked out on a date by a woman in 9x06 as he’s trying to figure out his life as a human. He even says this explicitly to Dean: “Going on dates… that's something humans do, right?” He is doing what he thinks he’s meant to be doing as a human, but is that action based in genuine desire? That line implies the answer being no. Contextually this is, of course, set against the jilted lover vibes he has with Dean in that episode. And then in the season at large, Cas becomes focused on his overall mission–a search for purpose, which (as Metatron helpfully points out later) becomes oriented around saving Dean.

Season 10 is up next. Hannah is very clearly interested in Cas, but Cas is a giant question mark in the face of all of her interest pretty consistently. In all honesty, the way Hannah comes onto Cas—the construction of the scenes—feels like it was intended to show that Cas isn’t interested in women. Half the time he doesn’t clock her vibes, and the other half the time he awkwardly avoids acknowledging it. This culminates in her standing in front of him naked in the clearest signal she can give… and as he says, he’s ~not bothered~ by it. He’s just... well, he's gay. Lmfao. And speaking of the naked Hannah scene in 10x07, something I personally find highly amusing is that that naked scene is immediately followed by Dean enthusiastically making out with a woman. It’s a smash cut with a very pointed contrast, in my opinion! I was very struck by it.

So that's my mini tour (with imperfect recall) of Cas' Moments With Women in the story and how I feel they're positioned.

And to touch upon the idea of contrast a bit further… With Dean, there are ample moments and instances where he canonically expresses (joyful or uncomplicated) sexual attraction to women, and/or romantic love for women throughout the show. This is why his canonical attraction to women should never be in question, as part of his bisexuality. But with Cas... I don’t personally feel we have a scene of his where we can unequivocally say the same. There are always story elements at play that indicate complex motivation, or when a woman (or woman-shaped being? lol) may be interested in him there doesn’t seem to be genuine reciprocal interest on his part. The absence of a clear scene establishing he’s unequivocally attracted to women doesn’t mean he couldn’t hypothetically be… but there are no significant moments that convince me that that’s the case in canon. Instead, I think the picture these layered moments paint of Cas and his sexuality is solidified as the story progress–as part of how his sense of self solidifies and emerges story-wide in kind. By that I mean: the shades of how he reacts to Hannah are there in his reactions to Meg’s interest years prior, but in season 10 they feel more clear because by that point he understands himself better (especially after his time as a human) and has formulated his identity as a person more than he had, for example, in season 6.

The secondary part of this though is the queercoding attached to Cas–which is, by and large, gay coding. (There is also more contrast here in comparison to Dean's bi coding in that regard.) By “gay” coding, I mean… Dean describes Cas as having "sensible shoes,” which is gay slang/code, though more commonly used in reference to lesbians. Cas uses female pop artists for his aliases, which is a wink/nod to stereotypes of gay men—a pattern that’s established in later seasons concurrently to the Destiel narrative taking even deeper root. The specific micro-agressions (and outright aggressions) Cas is subjected to by others—as he's clocked as being an outsider who doesn't fit and for being in love with Dean, in ways that are often tangled together—are traditionally gay story devices at play. And I'm also fond of the seeming significance of Cas' conversation with Pastor Joe in 15x15. Cas asks the Pastor what he means by people of "all backgrounds," being welcomed, and the Pastor says, "Connor didn't have to live in fear of who he was. A gay man who believed in a tolerant God." And Cas says, "Well, I imagine not everyone was happy with the change."

In terms of why I say he’s also demi… Cas is seemingly never ~interested~ in anyone but Dean. Now, part of that is of course a byproduct of the storytelling structures he's given. But nonetheless, his singleminded focus on / interest in / devotion to Dean feels unwavering in its totality. Even as Dean stops looking to date other people in later seasons because he knows he’s fallen in love with Cas, there’s still references to or nods to his attraction to men and women as a significant part of who he is. But unless I’m forgetting things, Cas just… doesn’t really seem to have that embedded into his character. He's got an emotional attachment to (and "profound bond" with) Dean, and his attraction to and love for Dean is part of its natural extension. That’s where the demi reading comes in for me, but it’s certainly a side note / asterisk to him being gay, which I think is the prime part of his identity the text deliberately points towards overall.

Regarding Cas' gender and how that may affect any part of this discussion... Is Cas non-binary? Well, in the show overall, angels are obviously considered ~celestial wavelengths of intent~. We see the fluidity of angels in different gendered vessels, and one could say the angels' primary gender is sort of "genderless" as default. Sure. But... at minimum, I feel it's implied that Cas comes to feel at home in a male vessel's body, and in what has legitimately become his body. As Dean says, "It's not an 'it,' Sam. It's Cas." And ultimately, I feel the gender question is not really a huge part of the point in regards to how canon presents this queer story to us.

To the question of if Cas would still be "gay" if he was in a female vessel and fell in love with Dean–or even to a question of "what if Dean was a woman" I've seen plenty of other people pose in various contexts–I think it's almost like... a moot point. The homoeroticism of Dean and Cas' dynamic is significant in a multilayered way, and that was true from day one. Their dynamic is very much affected by and built on them being 2 masculine men (or Cas being perceived as a "man" if you want to go that route), both in story and out of it, particularly in Dean's reactions to Cas. And the romance, tension, push-and-pull, miscommunication, coding, and censorship–the latter being a thing that shaped story choices over the years–all exist in a specific way because their relationship is undeniably, visibly queer. Destiel as we know it could not and would not be the same if one of them was in a perceived woman's body. Their interactions would have been vastly different, and thus in my head it's impossible to conceptualize.

Supernatural is also very much a story about the deconstruction of toxic masculinity while maintaining masculinity through a queer lens. This is its own separate topic that I actually have been wanting to make a post about for awhile now (in part because over-feminization of their characters in fandom, especially in ways that lead to apply ill-fitting repression narratives to Dean's canon, can miss several points about this). Those masculinity themes are so centralized because of Dean and Cas' romance and the fact that they are two men. There is significance there, both historically and culturally.

So while maybe Cas would or could identify as non-binary... It doesn't seem like a viewpoint he is particularly aligned with, and it also doesn't feel like a significant element at play in this queer love story. That makes me tip towards saying it's not a huge factor in discussions of exact readings or terminology for Cas' canonical sexuality/identity.

As a side note: to a certain extent, I also find it interesting to contemplate how some of their miscommunication in-narrative maybe extends into the idea that Dean is attracted to women and Cas seems not to be. More than once, Dean tries to bond with Cas through ~typical male~ interests, such as when he takes him to a strip club. Dean being bi doesn't mean he avoids having heteronormativity on the brain lol, and that sort of thing in his experience is usually quick-and-easy guy bonding time, especially in hunting culture. But while Cas learns how to be human in a metaphorical sense from the Winchesters' examples in several ways (both the good and the bad habits/lessons), something he can't/doesn't pick up is attraction to women or how to act on or express that sort of attraction, because it just doesn't seem innate to him. So while Dean and Cas are certainly both queer, to me they exhibit different forms of queer experiences (bi and gay) in characteristics and in story and in coding that add a layer to their dynamic. It's a little bit of a difference between them that they maybe don't know how to awkwardly address with each other, because they often don't fucking communicate, and I can see it contributing to Dean wondering if / how much Cas has capacity to "feel that way"... making him think Cas maybe doesn't reciprocate his desire. Because they're both stupid.

Anyway! Anyway.

Back to the main points:

Let me summarize.

I personally don't think Cas is attracted to women, and that the story points to him going through a journey of learning that about himself as he grows into himself over time. The queercoding in connection to him, such as it is, also rings of being gay coding. Considering we see him primarily or solely so strongly interested in Dean, an argument/hypothesis for him being demi doesn't feel off the mark. And I don't think the question of angelic gender is super relevant to what canon points to in this discussion for Cas specifically, because I do think the m/m nature of Destiel is relevant to their story and dynamic with each other, and by later seasons at minimum Cas is seemingly comfortably "a man" (perhaps even more so than an ambiguously gendered Being).

Is there a stronger or more persuasive argument to be made about the specifics of Cas' sexuality in canon? I'd be open to hearing it, of course, but I just kind of doubt any other argument would be convincing enough to change my mind when factoring in all of the story elements at play.

However. All of this being said:

I would certainly not call an umbrella use of the word "queer" wrong for Cas. I think it is, in fact, very applicable! For one thing, the word "queer" in this instance effectively encompasses a combined gay and demi reading, as an example. For another thing, it's an understandable hat tip that simplifies his various complexities as an angel. It works.

I'm also not die-on-this-hill militant about the use of the word "gay" for Cas because I'm cognizant of how things are not 100% clearcut with him. I do not say this to negate my own analysis, but rather because I can acknowledge the truth of this particular situation. While I do think the above full picture kind of adds up to him being specifically gay, this is an instance where there is room for nuance within it and giving grace to–dare I say it–"interpretations." I personally don't really agree with or particularly feel comfortable considering him bi or pan specifically, given all the factors at play; but it doesn't overtly upset me that others do. For example, he did indeed have sex with April as a human, and I find I can't get mad at people who choose to take his interest in that moment 100% at face value, especially considering the fact that what I view to be his overall "gay arc" certainly has subtlety and room for subjectivity in it.

In conclusion,

I don't know if this post answers all your questions, anon. I don't know if it will help you or make you feel bad for some reason, though I certainly hope it's the former rather than the later! And I apologize for the length, but you touched on a lot of different branches in your message, and I'm nothing if not someone who maps out a whole fucking tree when asked to lmfaaaoooo.

Thank you for your patience as this post took me WAY too long to complete smh. Like what the hell, truly. You're a star, I love ya, and for what little it's worth I do infer that lots of people in fandom (perhaps even Misha) use "gay" as an umbrella word in reference to Cas. (I am sympathetic to your plight if that makes you feel weird though; it's not the same situation by any means, but I will share that I'm suspicious of people who call Dean "gay" even flippantly at this point, because nowadays I don't trust that shit lmao)

Send me thoughts and prayers because the "e" key on my laptop's keyboard has started periodically sticking and it's been driving me insane while working on writing this.

#castiel #supernatural #castiel meta #gay cas #?¿?#this is long enough it warrants tags. fuck it #anonymous #asks #char writes things #spn meta #destiel

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

Text

Headcanons for being Hope van Dyne’s child

Hope van Dyne x child!reader

Scott Lang x stepkid!reader

warnings: insects (ants), sharp weapons

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Happy holidays darling! Would you write HC for Hope Van Dyne's child? Love the step-parents HC 🥰”

growing up as a lil smarty pants

grandpa hank was pretty proud, although he didn’t see you very much

once every few years

but he did tell you all these crazy stories about his adventures that you honestly thought were just fiction (until you were older)

“and i was as small as an ant, but i was still incredibly strong! remember that, kid. just because you aren’t as big as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t beat them” -hank

“y/n doesn’t need to be hearing those stories, hank” -hope

“why not? they have important life lessons in them!” -hank

“why does mommy call you ‘hank?’” -you

“because mommy hates grandpa, isn’t that right?” -hank

“okay, i think that’s enough of this visit. come on, y/n, time to go” -hope

your mom was very supportive of you, nonetheless

she wanted to be different from her dad

so she showed up to EVERYTHING

birthdays, sick days, tucking you in for bed, parent-teacher conferences, art shows, you name it

“here’s some tea, jellybelly. it’ll make your throat feel better” -hope

“mom, i think i’m dying” -you

“you’ll be fine” -hope, givin’ u a kiss on the forehead

life wasn’t like, extra crazy or anything. sometimes she’d bring you to work and honestly? darren cross didn’t seem like the worst guy. he even brought you whatever you might need if your mom was staying late at work

“hey, van dyne junior! i brought you a puzzle that might keep you busy for a while...and a happy meal from mcdonalds! let me know if you need anything else, me and your mom will just be in the lab for a little while” -darren

“thank you!!!” -you

uh huh, ur mom taught u manners!

anyways you started spending more time with your grandpa cuz they had a plan

thats when you found out that his “turning small” stories were not, in fact, bullshit

“wait grandpa...you actually did shrink as small as an ant?” -you

“why would i lie?” -hank

okay well cue you wanting to shrink down to ant size now it was your new aspiration

you did learn how to command ants tho!!!!!!

but unfortunately (or not so unfortunately) hank brought scott to the party

“hi!” -you, waking scott up

“what?!” -scott, jumping back against the headboard

“hi.” -you, staring at him “im y/n. these are my ants”

bullet ants were just crawlin around the place

“oh, that’s....that’s cool. any chance you could tell me where i am or how i got here” -scott

“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy” -you, leaving abruptly

“are you bothering our guest?” -hope, watching you proudly nod “good job, jellybelly”

mom taught u how to punch 🥰🥰🥰

and let you use scott as a punching bag

but scott wasn’t like awful or anything he was just insufferable at times

“i think you’d like my daughter cassie. she’s weird and smart just like you” -scott

“did you just call me weird? mom, can i punch him again?” -you

“no no no! i meant weird in a good way! please dont hurt me anymore!” -scott

chasing him around the yard ready to ATTACK

hank had to tell u to cut it out

“dont tell them what to do” -hope

“someone has to” -hank

“excuse me? i parent y/n just fine, better than you ever did for me!” -hope

“do they do this often?” -scott

“every time they see each other but that’s not very much” -you

“hm...hey, do you like ice cream? specifically baskin robbins?” -scott

ur mom said “we do not associate with idiots ❤️” and then proceeded to associate with said idiots

scott did end up saving u from darren tho bc that mf tried to hold u hostage and scott was really not in the mood for that bullshit

“you alright, y/n?” -scott

“murder is okay, right?” -you

after that whole ordeal he and your mom were kinda a thing uh huh

and he introduced you to cassie!!! she was amazingly sweet and you could def see the family resemblance

“is this my new sibling?! i’ve always wanted one!” -cassie

“hey, me too!” -you

you hung out with her on a weekly basis, with or without scott

and mom and grandpa were working on a ✨special project✨

one you insisted on being apart of

“no, y/n, we can’t make you your own suit. you’re too young for this sort of thing” -hope

“pleaaaaase mom? i swear i’ll he responsible with it!” -you

“you’re mother is right, y/n. you’re just not ready yet. maybe someday, but not anytime soon” -hank

scott took you on family bowling trips yes he did

and just corny stepdad shit

but he went to germany and mom and him broke up and FF to two years later when you guys had finally reunited

“scott!! you asshole!!” -you, like this -> :)

“kiddo!! sorry to hear that!!” -scott, same energy

shading him the whole time

“ach mein gott” -you

“are you kidding me, y/n? i make one mistake. ONE�� -scott

“you’re one mistake has caused me to live in MINIATURE HOMES” -you

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING” -scott

“WELL IT’S NOT” -you

“did you at least miss me?” -scott

“sicher habe ich” -you

“god dammit” -scott

surprise!! u kind of had a suit (for emergencies)

as a van dyne/pym, it was almost a necessity to know how to use pym particles

scott acted like a proud dad

“wow, you’re really doing it!!!” -scott

“halt die klappe” -you

“please stop” -scott, tearing up

finding out about ✨grandma✨

she possessed scott and touched ur face and told you that she was so excited to meet you but you didn’t know wtf was going on and you had the urge to smack scott but THANKFULLY you did not

“i have to meet her for real! let me help you guys!” -you

“okay” -hope

“what? really?” -you

“it’s about time we put your genius to good use” -hope

scott offered you a high five for that and u literally accepted it

“don’t get too happy, that was just an in-the-moment thing” -you, watching scott’s eyebrow raise “fine. you can have a hug”

okay okay well everything went okay and then half the world ~vanished~ including ur whole family but like cassie and her family took you in and you spent five years very alone and upset until one day cassie called you downstairs and whoopdedoo???? scott???????

“is my mom with you?” -you

“sorry, sport, she’s not...do you have your suit with you? we need to go on some...hero business” -scott

you missed scott a lot over the past 5 years, this really did cheer you up, even if it was just him

“how’ve you been holding up the past few years” -scott

“the world sucks, man” -you

“i can see that” -scott

he turned on some tunes for the two of you to enjoy otw to the avengers hq and it was probably the best memory you created since everyone disappeared

“wait, reach into the glove box” -scott

“oh, god, i hope there’s no rodents in here...” -you, reaching for a picture “is this..?”

“family photo!! you were little back then, i can’t believe how time flies. i mean, it flew really quick for me, the quantum realm is no joke” -scott

you were busy staring at the picture of your mom, you really missed her

busy ~saving the world~

and going to 2012 with scott

“hey uh just so you know, i might be able to make pym particles” -you

“‘might?’ and if we use faulty pym particles we ‘might’ die. would you like that?” -tony

“hey, back off, stark. they’re just trying to help” -scott

next thing u know ur in present day and THEN u actually got to hold the scepter bc scott let u

“im gonna stab you!!” -you

“no!!!” -scott

the other avengers, literally mourning natasha while you chase him around with a sharp weapon: 😧

okay after the place was destroyed u got to face mr. purple man and yo mama showed back up and saw you on the front lines

“y/n????” -hope

“mom????” -you

“scott!!!!” -scott

“really, scott? a shrek reference? now?” -you “...nice”

the reunion with your mom was short and sweet but you missed her forehead kisses and she gave you one immediately!!!! and she was crying but you were too bc damn

“listen, after this, we’re gonna have such a fun family night. i’m so sorry i couldn’t be there for you all this time” -hope

“mom, it wasn’t your fault...it was that purple bastard, let’s get him!” -you

“they grow up so fast...” -hope

i n s e c t f a m

insect fam killed it out there and then ✨attended tony’s funeral✨ together right after

that’s one solid family 😌💖

anyways time to celebrate a (halfway) return to normalcy

with your *sister* cassie and your mom and your...scott

you were just happy to all be together again, it’s been WAY too long

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot //

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crushzone · 4 years

Note

omg can i request relationship hc with kei tsukishima as well

Absolutely, anon!! Only makes sense for the other Tsukki to get his love too. Here’s my relationship with Akiteru HC if you wanna check that out.

I’m also sorry my headcanons always turn into short semi-fic hybrids, I just get too invested in my imagination and Kei was a lot of fun to write for hehee.

Thank you @tedwardos and @nonexistent-social-life for bouncing some ideas with me, and coming up with Tsukkisaur HAHA. You guys are amazing. 😘💞

Being in a Relationship with Kei Tsukishima 👓🦖

How it all began:

Truthfully, I do not see Kei as someone who would fall in love or have a crush on anyone that easily. Therefore, I believe it would be appropriate if you are Yamaguchi’s distant relative who went to the same school.

As we all know, Yams would get bullied often in middle school, and even when he tried to stand up for himself, he gets pushed back down. So that’s why you always try to intervene, physically throwing your body between the bully and your relative with your bravest face.

However, they would just push you aside and go back to bullying Yams :(. You felt pretty dang helpless and very upset that you've been brushed off like a piece of garbage.

So as you are readying to tackle one of them, you stop when you hear an unfamiliar voice behind you. “Lame.”

You turn around angrily, thinking that it was directed at you, but is surprised when the tall blonde boy is looking above you, at the bullies.

One of them runs over to pick a fight with him, but he simply towers over them. Tsukki: “What?” then at that, they all run away, leaving you and Yams behind. You’re still unsure if he was also referring to you, but when you turn to look at the admiration in your relative’s eyes, you can’t help but look down at the bruises on your knees pathetically.

All these times you’ve spent trying to protect him, only ends in failure, and then this boy comes by and saves him with barely any effort. You were rather jealous, and felt discredited, so you try to avoid Kei at all costs. Even just the sight of him walking by in the halls irk you.

And to your dismay, you are a little horrified to see that Yamaguchi had befriended him and is now constantly by his side. He’d asked you to hangout with him, and get to know Kei better, but you keep denying his efforts.

Meanwhile, the only thing Kei knows about you is your name, through Yams. But he doesn’t really know or care about you tbh, he’s got other things he’d rather be focused on, like volleyball.

THEN one day, Yamaguchi tells you that he is joining the volleyball team in middle school, and it would mean a lot to him if you go see Karasuno’s match with him and Kei.

You wanted to say no, but you love your relative, so you decided to go.

When you’re there, you never really spoke to Kei, only sticking to conversations with Yams. Then when you get to where the game is, you notice Kei’s awfully silent as he scans the court, not seeing his brother anywhere.

You wonder why he’s grown silent, but then when this one kid stalks over with a magazine in hand, saying that his brother is not even on the sidelines, you decide to shove the kid away because he’s being so annoying.

“Kei...let’s go.” You say, as you try to tug him away from the hood of his jacket. To your surprise, he follows you silently with his head down.

Tbh, you don’t really know the whole picture of what had happened, but he looks so down and vulnerable after the game, so you spent the rest of the day, trying to cheer him up with Yams.

Then the next day, you stop by his class during lunch to see how he’s doing, and is surprised to see that his demeanor had changed drastically. The sparkles in his eyes no longer there, as he ignores you when he steps out of homeroom.

That upsets you initially, but then you realize that whatever had just happened is probably a much bigger deal to him than his rude behavior just now. So you suck it up, and jog up to him, so you can walk to the canteen together, in silence.

He’s never expressed it, but your quiet presence is actually really comforting.

Then the next day, you do that again. And again. Before you know it, it became a thing for you and Kei to walk to lunch together. Sometimes, he’ll be the one to come over to your homeroom before you could go to his. “It’s nothing. My class just got out earlier, so I’m giving your lazy legs a break.”

Yamaguchi notices you and him getting closer over time, and it makes him very happy.

You begin to notice his subtle acts of thoughtfulness, such as when he’ll only eat half of his lunch so he can offer the other half to you; he knows you are absolutely in love with his mother’s cooking. It made you feel really bad because you don’t have a bento to offer him back; your parents are usually very busy so they don’t have time to pack you lunch, but you’ve been okay with that.

The fact that you love his mother’s cooking also got him feeling a little smug tbh.

Because of this, you’d try to cook something for your own lunch. But c’mon, you are just a 6th grader, unsupervised in the kitchen (lol), so you could only make something as simple as peanut butter and jelly HAHA.

So the next day, when it’s lunch again, and Tsukki offers you half of his food (Or more like, pretending that he can’t finish it and didn’t want to throw his food in the trash), you scramble to pull out your sloppily wrapped sandwich and offer the other half to him with a big grin.

It got him laughing at how ridiculous your sandwich looks, it’s not appetizing at all.

But just when you’re about to wrap it back up with a pout, he grabs it from your hand before smoothly sliding his food over to you. “This looks awful”, he’ll say as he takes a bite, getting some peanut butter on his cheeks.

You’re surprised he took it, and can’t help but feel a strange flutter in your heart when you see his ears redden, his gaze avoiding yours.

The next day, Tsukki shows up with two bento boxes, and hands one to you with a blush. “I told my mom about your awful sandwich, so she decided to make an extra bento.”

And when you are just standing there in awe at his thoughtfulness, he gets even more flustered as he shakes it around. “Do you want this or not?”

Of course you took it, and you are BEAMING when you eat. Tsukki can’t help but accidentally smile at how endearing you are. “Idiot.”

Yamaguchi also noticed that btw. So he’s got a plan haha ;)

Ever since that day, Yams would occasionally back out from hangouts or events just so the two of you can spend some alone time together.

You and Tsukki being smarties, TOTALLY notice Yams’ attempts. The first time you figured it out, awkwardness turns on like a freaking switch. Suddenly neither of you know what to say or do, because the idea of being matched is hella embarrassing.

But then you were like, “It’s not weird if you don’t make it weird. We also don’t have to acknowledge his attempts and treat this like the usual.” So at that, you go back to talking like usual.

Tsukki is definitely a lot softer when you are alone with him, he doesn’t tease you AS much and is very thoughtful.

Now that you three are in the same high school, Yams would still do that!! And he is low-key frustrated as to why his plans are working so slowly >:( Get yourself together guys, you clearly like each other!

When you had to buy a bunch of textbooks, Yams got you to go with Tsukki alone and he carried all your books haha. Even went to get your uniforms together, and you helped him pick his size.

You two are around each other all the time, and are very comfortable about it. Everyone in school think you are an item, even teachers and fellow parents. Hell, even your own parents thought you two had been dating since middle school. But no one really brought it up, because....well, it’s not like it’s an issue or anything, they’re all just happy you’re happy.

However, neither of you know that’s what the others had been thinking, so you’re a little confused when people keep asking you where Tsukki is, or when they do the same to him. Like, I’m not his parents, how am I going to know where he is all the time. You may think that, but you both ALWAYS know about each other’s whereabouts somehow lol.

Honestly, you two don’t even acknowledge each other’s looks or changes, when you see him, it’s just him and his sassy attitude you’ve grown accustomed to. Well...and his tall bum, cuz your neck starts to hurt a little more than it usually does whenever you look up at him. UNTIL....DUN DUN DUNNN

It’s Valentine’s Day, and different students all over campus are slipping love notes into lockers, some leave roses on their crush’s table, while female students are handing out their giri and honmei choco to their male friends and crushes.

It totally flew past your head that it is Valentine’s day, so when you walk over to your locker with Tsukki and Yams that morning (you always walk to school together and your lockers are right next to each other’s), you are surprised to see 6 love letters fall from yours.

You: 😳 Yams: 😦 (he’s still a heavy believer in you and Tsukki lol, so he’s worried about competition.) Tsukki: 😶

“I see you got some admirers.“ He says casually, turning to unlock his own locker. Little did you know, he’s trying to suppress his curiosity....and jealousy?? Who could it be? When did they put those letters in your locker. How creepy.

You turn to him, wondering if he also got some letters in his locker, and your heart sinks when he pulls out one, nonchalantly ripping the beautiful packaging with his thumb to read its contents. He flips it around in his hand, trying to see if it’s got a name on it, but there were none.

The entire time when you are in class, you can’t help but wonder who had sent Tsukki that letter. The fact that it was the only one, makes you a lot more nervous too. What if it IS the one...and why would you care so much if it is. You’d be happy for him....right?

Meanwhile, Tsukki’s thoughts are also occupied as he sits in class, by the window. Since when has Y/n been so popular. Will you spend time with him and Yams if you found someone? What about you is so attractive....oh....shit. YEA boy, you’ve ALWAYS been attractive, but he never noticed.

Then lunch rolls around, and you are waiting for Tsukki to meet you by your homeroom, since he’d mentioned earlier that he’ll be the one to swing by. But he never came...:(

And it’s not that he forgot. As he’s about to step out of his homeroom to go to yours, an unfamiliar feminine voice calls out to him, and when he turns around, a girl is offering him her honmei choco. 🤭 He’s SHOOK, but then he quickly realizes that she’s probably the one who slipped the letter in his locker.

Nice Tsukki activated, because I don’t think he’s actually MEAN mean, ya know? “Thank you.” He says, as he takes the chocolate from her with a neutral expression. “But I’m currently seeing someone.”

The girl looks to him with a sad smile, so close to the verge of tears. “That’s ok! I hope you’ll enjoy it though, thank you for being honest!” She says, quickly running down the hall. He felt bad, but he’s more confused about why he had said what he did. That was dumb, I’m not seeing anyone, he scolds himself, walking off to your homeroom while shaking his head incredulously.

When he gets to you, he feels guilty at the sight of you sitting by your homeroom, fingers fiddling sadly. “Why do you look like you’re in some emotional music video?” At the sound of his voice, you spring up to punch his abs jokingly, low key impressed at how rock solid they were haha. “What took you forever!! Did you have diarrhea or something?”

But he never responded, instead, opting to flick your forehead gently before walking off. “Some girl approached me, probably the one who slipped that letter in my locker.”

You let go of your forehead, instead feeling a hitch in your throat for some reason. When he didn’t hear your response, he stops walking. “But I told her I got you guys.”

Your face WARMS TF OUT, but you are hella happy, immediately bouncing up to him. “Is Kei finally willing to show his friends some love and affection?” You tease him as you burst out laughing. You’re sorry for the girl, but for some reason, you’re happy, happy to know that you are not going to lose him to somebody else.

Then during lunch, as Kei’s unpacking his boxes, handing one of his extra bentos to you, his face turns BRIGHT red when he notices this adorable packaging with home made chocolate in it. The note is written in his mother’s handwriting: For anybody your heart decides to give this present to! Love, Mom.

“Are you okay?” Yams asks as he peers over his shoulder, eyes widening when he sees what Tsukki’s been staring at for the past minute. You look over at them suspiciously, already chewing on some food in bliss. “It’s nothing.” He mumbles, quickly tying and setting the bag down. Ok, sus, but you’ll let it pass.

For the second half of his day, he can barely focus on school, wondering if you’d find it strange for him to give you those chocolates. But he’s also a little afraid to go home with it, fearing that he’d make his mother sad. He could eat it himself and lie, but that also feels wrong.

By the time he’s done with practice and is helping the team wrap up the gym, you poke your head in through the entrance with a smile. You also have your own after school club and it usually finishes a few minutes before volleyball practice does, so you make it a thing to walk home with two of your favorite boys.

Also, at this point, you go there all the time, so you’ve become well acquainted with the entire team. It would bother Tsukki how Noya and Tanaka always does some of the dumbest things to try to impress you, or the way the other members would cast longing glances at you, before returning to what they were doing. Even the third years can’t help but smile a little wider and stand up a little straighter when you greet them.

“I’m going to run to the restroom before we leave.” Yams says, when he notices the way Tsukki is fiddling with his headphone cord, constantly casting hesitant glances at you.

Screw it. Tsukki decides, when he’s finally alone with you again. This is my last chance. “Oi, idiot.” He says, tearing your gaze away from the bright moon and the stars that sprinkles the night sky.

There he is, with the chocolate in his outstretched hand, looking hella flustered. “T-Take it.” He stutters, mentally cursing at how embarrassed he is, he can’t even look you in the eye.

Your entire body warms, as you could feel a tingly sensation on your cheeks and ears, slowly reaching to grab the chocolate from his trembling hands, still at a loss for words.

“Kei...” You begin, but he quickly counters, looking away. “My mother made it.”

"Ah...” You respond quietly, suddenly feeling really sad because you thought he had feelings for you.

He notices the sadness in your tone. “And you’re ok, I guess.”

You remain silent for a moment, a smile slowly painting your lips, as you continue to stare at the tiny red box of chocolate in hand. Then he’s caught off guard when he feels your gentle fingers, timidly curling to the side of his large palm. He looks to you in surprise; it was too spontaneous for him to put his walls back up.

“I like you too, Kei.” You respond with a smile, that only widens when he shyly returns your gesture, long fingers curling over yours. “let’s share this! there’s three pieces in here.”

When Yamaguchi returns, the three of you share a piece, humming in delight when the deliciousness and richness of the chocolate lather your taste buds.

Earlier Stages

WHEEEW sorry the backstory was so long, I just think that’s one of the few ways I’d ever see a relationship with him form: through time.

And like any other aspects of your relationship, both in regards to intimacy and communication, it’s also going to take him some time to acclimate and adjust. He’s doing his best, everyday, mentally beating himself when he fails.

You know how harsh he can be to himself, so you try to cut him some slack by becoming more observant. Constantly teaching yourself to learn his micro-signs and sighing in frustration every time you misread him.

However, Tsukki notices your attempt, and is incredibly grateful. He’ll make things a little easier for you, because he can see how much it stresses you to do so. He’ll try to communicate more, eventually telling you how he feels, though he’ll admit, it does feel very awkward in the beginning. Overtime, you’re both helping each other grow in the communication department.

On days when you have no clue how to read him and is feeling overwhelmed, Akiteru is always there for you to consult! Well...it’s actually usually the other way around tbh.

That being said, you GOTTA be patient with him. He will be sassy, and he will be even sassier when you get into arguments, or when you’ve accidentally annoyed him.

However, because you’ve known him for a LONG time, you’ve learnt to translate his saltiness into kinder words haha. (kinda like what Hinata does with Kageyama lol)

You’re always by him, and apologizing on his behalf when he annoys someone.

However, if the person he’s accidentally annoyed expresses their hatred for him to you, you will always defend him because you know that he’s really great person and that his attitude is just a defense mechanism to prevent himself from getting hurt.

But there will be days when you really wish he could shed that wall and realize that he has friends and families who love him dearly and will support him no matter what. But you know that it’s not something that could happen over night, it’s just a wish that he would slowly walk down that path one day.

You are grateful though, so very grateful, because when Tsukki is alone with you, there is never a moment when he’d allow himself to put up that wall. He refuses, finally finding relief in relaxing his defenses for once, because it can get tiring sometimes.

In fact, all those walls that he put up, is probably the reason why he can’t really hangout around others for too long, he needs to be alone and recharge. So the fact that he’s able to relax around you, means that his “alone time” will almost always include you.

His eyes remain soft, as he always looks at you with a subtle glint to his golden orbs and an upward curve to his lips.

And when he laughs, he does so freely. Even Akiteru is surprised when he accidentally overhears it from his bedroom.

His mother still cooks you lunch, so whenever you’d go to his house for a study session, you ask her if she could teach you how to cook, and that made her SO happy. It becomes a thing now; you two would cook and sing along with one another in the kitchen before you excuse yourself to study.

His mother and brother loves you SO much. Sure, they’ve known you for a long time, because you and Yams would come over often and hangout, but it’s never been just you and Tsukki. So now that you’re together, they have the chance to chit chat with you alone.

You’re basically like a daughter to his mother, because let’s be real, as much as she loves her sons, she’s always wanted at least another woman in the house to hangout with.

When Akiteru visits home, he’ll bring some interesting comics or things for you to geek out about together. At one point, Kei even got jealous enough that he’d come join you guys by the porch, softly playing his music on the phone.

Speaking of music, he likes to create playlists and sends them to you. Whenever it’s just you and him on your way to the canteen together, he’ll offer you one side of his ear piece, so you can listen to music together on your way there.

You both take your relationship VERY slowly, and that’s perfectly fine. It took you over 2 months into your relationship to hold hands outside the comfort of your homes, and 4 to share your first kiss.

FIRST KISS 💋: It was during lunch break, when you and Kei decide to enjoy your meal at the roof of an academic building. Yams was busy with something else at the time, so he promises to join you a little later. The two of you are alone, ear piece in one ear each, with shoulders and knees touching, then suddenly, you feel an urge to shift your gaze to him. As if your minds are one, he did the same, but instead of feeling embarrassment from your sudden eye contact, you slowly lean to one another, like the ocean, magnetized by the moon, sharing the most innocent, gentle kiss, before pulling back to look into each other’s orbs. It was so gentle, like a breeze that tickles the bottom of your lips when you exhale. It was very nice.

Since that day, the two of you begin to experiment in private, like kissing a little more passionately when you catch him gazing at you again mid-studying. You even tried cuddling, and you LOVE it.

I can’t even begin to express how wonderful it feels like to cuddle someone tall (looking at you, Lev boi 😉), the way his long limbs drape over yours, big warm hands massaging your shoulders comfortingly as you breathe in the clean scent of his sweater.

However, cuddles don’t happen often, except for special occasions when you both feel extra needy or exhausted. He’s never really been a touchy person. Hand holding is fine, but constant cuddling just makes him feel like he’d rather be doing something else.

BUT, here’s the trick. If you request for some song recommendations, so he can play it on his speaker, while you crawl up to him on the bed, with your head on his chest, he’ll never be able to reject you. He’ll readjust himself comfortably, removing his glasses, before turning you sideways to face his chest, as he tucks his chin over your head, legs entwined. If this is the case, you can lay there for hours, listening to different songs until you fall asleep.

Loves it when you wear his oversized clothes, but will never admit it. You know he likes it because he always offer you his clothes when you come over, just so you can be comfortable while studying with him. (I’d never say no to that.)

Also likes it how his scent lingers to you, even when you change back into your school uniform so you can head home.

Just generally a big scent, kind of guy, He’s one of those people who ALWAYS smells good and has great olfaction. Whenever you smell a little like him, he WILL notice, and it always makes his heart flutter, as he stands up a little taller.

He’ll also walk you home from his house, no matter how late it is, and he will always make sure you’ve gone INTO your house, and hears your lock click, before returning.

Never understands why you always make him promise to text you when he gets home though, but he’ll never forget to do it.

Likes to lean on you jokingly, use you as an armrest, regardless of your height.

Whenever Yamaguchi jokes about how he feels like a third wheel, you’ll always joke back that Tsukki is actually the odd one here, cuz you are related haha. He’ll flick your forehead softly as your punishment.

Your pet names are always something endearingly mean, like “Idiot, sodium man, sassy pants, salt shaker 🧂, or four eyes.”

His teammates always tease him about you; honestly, they’re all very surprised that he’s capable of being in a relationship, but they’re happy for him. Daichi always has to shush them all down, because it can get a little out of hand sometimes with all of them bombarding him at once.

Long Term:

Post-honeymoon phase, babyyy.

Space, lots of space. You’re both very independent, and are introverts, so during the day, you’ll do your own thing, but he’ll meet up with you for lunch and dinners to spend some time together, in comfortable silence.

You’ve been leaving a lot of things at his house, so he neatly gathers it all into one corner of his room, so you can access it with ease when you sleep over.

Both your parents became best friends, so they’re totally cool with either of you sleeping over, even when it is a spontaneous decision.

You are comfortable to say “no” to one another, and that includes social gathering as well. If Tsukki is feeling too socially anxious to join you for a party, you’re totally ok with that, and likewise, when his team hangs out, he understands that they can be a little overwhelming sometimes.

But that doesn’t mean that you both don’t try. He mentally take notes of all the times he’s said no, and will only do it at times when he really do not feel like it. And if you ever feel like he’s been a little too distant, he wants you to tell him that directly, so he can avoid coming off that way.

Sass level increases overtime because he knows you can take it, lol.

Would totally do something like this to you, regardless of your height.

If you are smol, he will definitely do this too, and Yams will react the same way as shown. >>>>

You’ve grown immune to his sass, and may have adopted some. However, it’ll usually only come out in arguments. You’re still that nice approachable person, who deliver other people’s messages for him, to him (Because they’re too afraid to approach him directly.)

Definitely opens up to you more, if he hasn’t already been, because he knows he can trust you, and trust is a VERY big thing for him. This boy’s got some trust issues, yk?

He’s a little more adventurous now; it used to be so difficult to convince him to go somewhere new or exciting with you, but after years of pestering him to go places, he realizes, as he’s standing in the middle of a hike, lush green leaves surrounding him from all sides, that maybe this is not so bad after all.

You and Yams keep bringing new activities for him to try, and for 70% percent of those attempts, he actually says yes.

LOVES it when you give head massages, but he always complains that you are messing his hair.

Stargazing after dinner had become a routine for you. You’ll both lay, head to head, bodies the opposite direction, with your fingers interlaced next to each other’s heads. Sometimes, you’ll even drift off into a short nap, and he’s fine with that because your hand feels very nice in his.

Your presence had encouraged him to become closer to his family: you two will help his mother pack up and wipe down the table after dinner, while Akiteru washes the dishes. Sometimes, you’ll wave a curious Akiteru over to join you and Kei on horror movie nights. His mother even joined for 1 whole minute, before she leaves, saying that it’s too scary for her, leaving you three to throw some funny/judgmental remarks at how silly the characters are being.

He’s also a big supporter of your interests, though he will never admit or fully show that he is, if that makes any sense. For instance, if you are in the robotics team, he will educate himself on its process and some technical solutions and will help you build your robot at home. When you ask him how he knows about all this, he just responds with something like “I don’t know, I just guessed.”

If you are interested in something more performative, like if you’re into ballet, for instance, he will always show up to your performances with Yams (and Akiteru, because he really wants to see his future sister-in-law killing it). However, he’ll also respect your decision if you tend to feel more nervous with him there, in that case, he’ll just send you a text that says “You’ll do great. 🦖” or “Don’t fall on your bum 🤡” right before the show begins. It always makes you laugh when you read it in his monotonous voice.

You just know that he only uses emojis when he think his texts sounds unintentionally sarcastic or too short. lol. He’s just not too great at texting, ok?

When it comes to cheering for Tsukki, you share the same type of support. You’d LOVE to go to all of his matches, to be there for him and show how proud you are. But if he’s really uncomfortable, then you understand that too.

He secretly loves it when you go cheer him though, it really brightens up his match, especially when he’s in one with a tougher opponent. To look up to the sea of growing Karasuno supporters and see your smile shine brighter than all the others, restores his energy like the sun.

Somehow, Tanaka and Noya always notices when he turns to look at you, so they’ll both cling on to him like monkeys, turning to wave at you.

You gladly return their gesture, laughing at Tsukki’s miserable face as you pull your phone out to snap a very zoomed in photo of his pained expression to use as his new contact photo LOL.

“At least, I’m the one in a relationship.” He’ll deadpan, adjusting his frames before walking away quietly with a smug smile. RIP Tanaka and Noya, they’re just rolling on the floor crying for Kiyoko haha.

Also, he has this weird fascination for animals? Well, mainly with dinosaurs. BOTH Tsukishima’s has this fascination, it runs deep in their blood. Oh you prefer whales? Too bad, it’s not as cool.

Whenever Kei recommends some dinosaur-related movies, he’ll try to be low key about his excitement, but you can totally tell that, at this very moment, his body feels like a shell that’s trying to contain the vibration of his happiness. Saying no to his suggestion, will only shatter his little heart. You find this incredibly endearing, for a moment, he reminds you of his younger self, where he would always show up to school in his dinosaur T-shirts.

When you agree to watch it with him, Akiteru ALWAYS emerges out of nowhere, and invites himself to join you. You like to jokingly call them Tsukkisaurs, but Kei will be the only Tsukki to have that name saved in your contact.

We also love some asshole Tsukki moment ✨: He likes to call you Godzilla when you are on your period and is feeling bloated. You were a lil offended at first because, WHICH RENDITION OF GODZILLA is he referring to? It better not be the 2014 one, because it looked a little chubbier than the original.

He confirms, without hesitation, that it IS the 2014 rendition, just to piss you off lol. Then he shows you his phone, to confirm that he had you down as Godzilla on his contact, with this image as your profile:

But if you are actually feeling self conscious about your body that day, he will sigh and pull you to his chest. “Idiot, you look just fine to me, the way you are.”

And he meant it.

He may be inclined to appear indifferent and cynical at times, but he KNOWS you can see right through him. The idea of showing vulnerability to anyone at all, was daunting, but you embraced him with so much love and acceptance, he wishes that he’s proven his love for you enough.

And he has, you understand him so well. You appreciate all his subtle signs of affection and thoughtfulness, and you would never ask for it any other way. This is him...it’s who he is to you: your best friend and lover, perfectly imperfect in every way.

———

Taglist (open): @shhhlikeme @ceo-of-daichi @karasu-hoes @super-noya @nonexistent-social-life @scorpiosanssexy @tedwardos

394 notes · View notes

ofaprilflowers · 3 years

Photo

- part 2: home? -

warnings: descriptions of injuries, not too detailed.

tags: shout out to my first-ever requested tags, @sista7-7 @softieus and @marrambles yay! Thank you for reading and sorry for the late update TT. Hope you guys enjoy :)

disclaimers: I am not a medical professional, this is all part of my imagination and totally made-up therefore is in no way accurate. If you find any part I could improve on, do tell. I would appreciate the feedback. Other than that, enjoy! <3

previous/next

It took another week for me to finally be discharged. A week of rehabilitation and physiotherapy (which Dr. Hwang said would be continued after my discharge TT). I had lost strength in my extremities and also my sense of balance. This, I found out after almost falling down right on my face when I attempted to climb out of bed for the first time. Almost, well because thankfully, he was there.

My parents had arrived the night I woke up. My mother immediately cupping my face, tears brimming in her eyes while my father just took my hand in his and smiled every time I looked his way.

It felt surreal, honestly. My family and I were close. But we were not exactly the type to be crying and holding each other, or professing our love for each other. We were the laugh-at-each-other’s-life-problems-cuz-I-had-it-worse-than-you type of family. Then again, for me it felt like I was waking up from a long nap, while for them, they didn’t know whether I would make it or not so, fair enough.

Turns out, the accident was pretty bad. My head had to be stitched up and so now there was a nasty gash above my left eye (it was definitely gonna scar but let’s not think about that right now). My arms where full of cuts and scrapes from the broken windshield. My legs and chest, badly bruised. Dr. Hwang said they had healed fairly well in the past two weeks, but I still cringed at how ugly they looked every time I caught a glimpse. He also mentioned that I was lucky not to have sustained any other serious injuries other than my head trauma. I was grateful of course, but losing my memory was deleterious enough.

I woke up every morning feeling confused as to why the heck I was at a hospital and it took a few groggy minutes to remember. Sometimes it took seeing Jaehyun- either curled up asleep on the armchair or standing next to the window with a cup of coffee in hand- for me to come crashing back into reality.

I learnt through my mother- who had attempted to fit the past 2 weeks of my unconsciousness along with the last 6 years into a 2 day crash-course- that Jaehyun was the only one who stayed at the hospital every day and night. My mother had stayed the first week, as my condition stabilised however, she opted to visiting daily. That also depended on whether my father was available to drive her 45 minutes to the hospital from home. You see, my parents were rational people, but I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of hurt. I mean I was laying unconscious on a hospital bed yet there were still other important stuff to be handled. Well, as they say, life goes on, right? Kind of made me think if I had just hallucinated the tears brimming in her eyes the other day.

While my mother would babble on about looking on the bright side and starting my life again, Jaehyun’s presence was like having a burden be lifted. I know I’ve lived most of our “acquaintence-ship” hating him, but I made a mental note to properly thank him for this in particular. On every occasion that my head felt like it was about to burst from the overwhelming information my mother was flooding me with, he’d interject, naturally bringing her focus to something other than trying to piece me back together. Often times he’d ask her to join him for a cup of coffee, or show her things he was currently working on. I’d close my eyes then and pretend to fall asleep.

“So, you’re saying, I should continue my life ‘as normal as possible’. Meaning?” We (the doctor and I) were currently in his office. By tomorrow morning I was finally leaving. Goodbye to the sanitary, boring hospital, hello to......well, life?

The doctor had explained all the procedures and follow-up appointments that were to come. Both to Jaehyun and I. Then, we talked about going home and that’s when I realised, home had changed. I don’t know how we had avoided addressing it, or maybe I was the only one in denial of it. I mean throughout the week after regaining consciousness, although Jaehyun was there, we barely talked. Mostly because I became a selective mute, and he, well I guess he was respecting my space?

Dr. Hwang had noticed the awkward silence that had passed after he mentioned about going home and quickly changed the subject, calling in a nurse to guide Jaehyun in signing my discharge papers or something. After he left, the doctor didn’t hesitate in putting on what I call his “uncle-face”.

“As normal as possible, meaning that it’s better if you return to your daily routines prior to the accident,” he explained for the nth time.

I fidgeted in my seat. “But, wouldn’t that cause me more distress? It’s a life a barely know.” “Astrid,” he began, straightening his back. “I understand how hard it my be for you to wrap you head around all this. 6 years is a lot. But it is your life. Your experiences and memories throughout that period were real, and you deserve to remember them. You need to give your life a chance.”

Well, damn. He had a point. He should’ve been a therapist instead.

“And, what if my memories don’t come back?” I prodded.

“Well then, at least maybe you’ll learn more about yourself.” Okay, then. Here we go, Astrid.

We live in a loft?!?!

Pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head but wow.

Eyes wandering around the space, I tried to take in everything at once. This was certainly NOT what I had expected. This can’t be real right? I must absolutely be dreaming.

“Welcome...home?” Jaehyun said.

My head snapped in his direction, mouth agape. He smiled sheepishly, his infamous dimples popping out, his hands tucked into his jean pockets, his shoulders lifted briefly. He looked like a child, shyly presenting to the world his greatest creation. I almost smiled. Almost.

“You like it?” he asked.

I scoffed. “For real?”

My eyes turned back to the space he had referred to as home. Well, it didn’t feel like home (yet. Remember Astrid we’re giving this a chance), but yes, I absolutely love it!

I took in my surroundings again and this time, couldn’t help the smile that crept up my cheeks.

The space was gorgeous. It was big, but not huge. It was small, but not tiny. It was spacious enough to have everything and more. There was an L-shaped sofa that could probably fit 5 or maybe even 7 people if squeezed in together. There were even 2 more smaller ones in front of it. Perfect for a small gathering. Opposite the living room was a kitchen, with a small kitchen island. God, I’ve always dreamed of having an island. There was another floor and at the stairs leading up to it were ceiling-high windows with a bumped-out seat, all set with pillows on one end and potted plants on the other. It looked like the perfect spot to read or stargaze at night. I walked into the living room, the brick walls were covered in framed movie posters and artwork, some smaller frames containing pictures which I guessed were probably a collection of memories.

I stepped closer and caught a glimpse of some familiar faces in unfamiliar settings. One photo caught my eye. It was a photo I remember, taken earlier this ye- I mean well, early 2017, right after graduation. I was sandwiched between Jungwoo and Ten, holding up a peace sign to the camera. Jaehyun on Jungwoo’s other side, hand around the latter’s shoulders. Others in the picture smiling widely, so many poses, so many expressions. Literally, it felt like yesterday.

“You remember that?” Jaehyun probed.

I smiled. “Yeah, just a couple weeks before Taeil’s birthday bash, right?”

Then, something flickered in my mind. Of Jaehyun, smirking at a table with his friends, of them exchanging words and laughter, of me hearing something I probably shouldn’t have. Jaehyun had many circles of friends, being the typical extroverted, super-friendly campus sweetheart. This circle was one I wasn’t quite familiar with, least to say I didn’t really like them. I felt my cheeks heat up as my blood boiled at the thought of that memory.

“You wanna see upstairs?” Jaehyun’s voice pulled me back into reality. I turned to look at him. He was standing right next to me, looking almost exactly the same as the Jaehyun I knew. The Jaehyun that I couldn’t stand being in the same room with. The Jaehyun that always had a competitive, mischievous glint in his eye. The Jaehyun that would take every chance he got to argue with everything I said. The Jaehyun that made me feel like I had to defend everything I had.

There was a slight difference, though. The competitive, mischievous glint was somehow...softer. It made me confused, because I was angry, but looking at him now, I don’t know who to be angrier at. Me, or him?

“Ummm, I think, I just- I just wanna lie down,” I tore my eyes away from him and took a step back, putting just a little more distance between him and I.

I saw his fists clench and unclench a bit at his sides. A moment passed until he said, “Yeah. Sure,” walking back towards the doors he picked up my hospital bag and gestured towards a room behind him.

“This is actually, um, our bedroom, but don’t worry, I’ve moved most of my stuff upstairs so this space is all yours,” dropping the bags on the bed, he stepped aside to allow me in. It was a beautiful room, with slanted windows, decorated with some more plants.

“So, feel free to look around, get used to the place and all. Oh yeah, um, this is the bathroom,” he opened a door on the left of the room, then gestured toward a closet in front of the bed, “Your pyjamas are in the top drawer and, uh, well, um, everything else is-”

“I’ll take a look,” I smiled at him briefly.

His eyes landed on mine for a moment, then quickly looked away.

“Yeah, okay, so um, I’ll be outside, if you need anything just, um,” his hands, one scratching at the back of his neck, the other gesturing undecidedly, “yeah.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied. He stood there for a second, then turned to leave the room.

“Jeahyun?”

“Hmm?” he snapped his head towards me, eyebrows lifted in question.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

I saw a bit of tension leave his body. “You don’t need to thank me, Astrid,” he replied softly. “This is- this is your home too.” With a tight-lipped smile, he closed the door behind him.

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need-a-new-hobby · 4 years

Text

the descent into hell isn’t easy

s1 ep 2

so i got 2 notes on my last post so imma keep going

did simon just compare jace to mick jagger?!? HA!

did clary just say that she thinks jocelyn is at the center of their war?!? WhAt? look, i get that this girl wants to find her mom, but assuming that the entire shadowhunter race (also they call themselves a race) is fighting over her mom is just... idek what to call it? Arrogance? Naïveté?

also did noone think to bring the body inside?

i swear alec is so done with jace and his mundanes. his entire thing is just ‘another one?’

i’m sorry, i think my eyes just rolled down the back of my skull with the whole ‘best friends’ thing.

can i just point out that matthew daddario is just watching isabell flirt with simon with such amusement? it’s adorable.

my god, i forgot that they torture their tutor to get info on the circle. i know hodge deserves this later, but seriously, how could clace do that?

‘i hate to make you suffer like this.’ are y’all serious? she’s borderline torturing this guy for info. somehow she makes me angrier by apologising.

also this kinda thing is so classic. ofc none of them know their own violent history. did no-one bother to find out growing up? i hate to say this but if clary’s right about one thing, it’s the insanity behind not knowing their own history.

also, this scene is one of the first that made me sorta dislike clary. rewatching it just makes me angrier.

‘what is a g. i. joe?’ them not knowing clary and simon’s pop culture references is the funniest. refer to mick jagger above

also where the hell was she planning to go? and clary’s explanation of what a g.i. joe is is kinda off. i always assumed a g. i. joe was like an all-american hero (see steve rogers)

yikes! clary stepped on mom issues. i have no empathy/sympathy for her, she needs to calm down

‘in the shadow world, no training and no plan gets you killed’ - the first sane thing i’ve heard jace say all season.

kay, jace has got to be some kinda genius to go from ‘my memory’s blank’ to ‘your memory’s been wiped’. my memory goes blank all the time. i don’t remember what i had for dinner last night.

one more implausible thing, how doesn’t she know what a warlock is? i mean she’s 18, it’s 2016, has she not heard of Harry Potter, or LOTR for that matter? she’s simon’s best friend, she has to have come across it at some point in time.

kay, first of all, we all saw dot fall through a window about maybe 10 ft high, crack her neck on a fence and fall on the pavement. how is she still alive?

also, i know luke’s meant to be a good guy and all, but he literally just treated dot like crap considering all she’s been through. and insinuating that she can’t be trusted when he himself was a circle member is just plain discrimination.

also, she gets it. ‘if anyone can help, it’s magnus bane’. i get it, my baby is super powerful, but please don’t get him killed. i can already sense the magnus bane sass™️

izzy’s so pretty! and her hair is flawless. but the way she says ‘he’s the ultimate protector’, i just can’t

btw, love the inclusion of the ‘izzy can’t cook’ gag from the books. but kinda implausible that she can make porridge but completely burns toast. nvm, the porridge looks nasty (sorry, iz, i still love you though, bad porridge and all)

can i just ask that if jocelyn fray’s real name is fairchild, why would searching her pseudonym come up as restricted? also, hodge very conveniently forgot to tell them that jocelyn was married to valentine or that her real name was fairchild. that’s just sloppy.

also luke’s friendship with his boss is so pleasing to watch (terrible phrasing i know) i mean so often female captains are seen as these stoic, always angry and fierce officers with terrible relationships with their underlings. it’s nice to see her joking around with a colleague.

clary’s uncomfortability with izzy’s clothing is canon, but she’s basically wearing a camisole. it’s a lot less revealing that izzy’s regular clothes. at least there’s no slutshaming! plus she’s gonna be wearing a jacket on top, but ofc everyone’s comfort levels are different.

I’m so glad that Clary and Izzy are both so positive towards each other. I mean compared to the books, not that bad

‘do you know how to fight demons?’ to ‘i’m an internet search away.’ simon’s the best. 😍😍

i mean, who in their right mind would approve the mission? sure, they’re not teenagers, but they’re messing with Valentine, for crying out loud. besides, we all know how much the clave prioritises down and out warlocks.

‘little girl’

‘clave thing,’ someone needs to educate this selfish matchstick. first of all, she can’t expect alec to turn his back on the clave, they need the clave’s resources to keep the institute running. second of all, she doesn’t really need to go. think about it, if alec, jace and izzy can track down a shapeshifter to a nightclub, they can handle a warlock. besides, she’d just be dead weight anyway. i just hate that clary doesn’t get better than this.

haha, alec’s salt kills me. ‘well, since you have all the answers...’

oh, so she’s not gonna explain the vision giving gemstone lolling around her neck? fuuun

‘you were kidding about the runes on the floor killing me right?’ alec’s smile aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i love one grumpy cat smile so much. also this is like his first smile in the 2 eps

sorry, but magnus’s face when dot grabs his arm, just like ‘bitch who do you think you are?’

instant priorities people. see, magnus understands the concepts of ‘risk’, ‘danger’ and ‘consequences’, unlike one matchstick i won’t name. (“I’ve been busy trying to save our people from certain death”)

hahaha, the foreshadowing -> “are you really gonna risk your life for a shadowhunter?” - this is why magnus is my fave.

okay, couple really weird things i have to point out. first off, clary sucks at running. i get that running in heels is hard, i can’t even walk in them, but i can’t believe that the entire institute doesn’t have one good pair of sneakers. second, alec is just walking in the back, that’s how slow they’re going. third, are they seriously just following clary around the club on some strange whim instead of attacking the club strategically?

but seriously, her running though. her arms are just waggling around. seriously, guys, sneakers.

kay, clary is way too hyper right now. alec never said they were giving up, just that it wasn’t safe and they had to get back to the institute. which is absolutely true, if circle members are after dot in pandemonium, they’re probably in the vicinity

im sorry, but watching alec and izzy know exactly what jace is planning with the silent brothers and in sync just going ‘jace, no’

‘a process that can also kill you, so there’s that.’ i mean, what’s the downside?

‘your bedside manner is abysmal’ - kay, i’m still kinda pissed off rn so that’s probably coming across here, but dude, you are both adults and she needs to know the risks involved. how tf was he supposed to say that...not abysmally? sorry, im a big alec defender. i think its an older sibling thing.

wait, 18 rules? damn, jace has to have like a record or something. i reckon 18′s probably exaggerating. i’d guess at 10, maybe 12.

hold up, he’s asking clary to decide whether she should get her memories wrenched out of her by the silent brothers w/o knowing the risks involved? not a sound decision.

why is she so fucking smug towards alec? it’s kinda hard to see at first, you have to replay it a couple times. maybe it’s just me cuz im writing this late at night but her attitude towards alec really gets under my skin.

also, i think satan is on simon’s van. that’s not at all disconcerting

also, why is this all happening at night? and wasn’t isabelle making breakfast before?

‘are you kidding? i was born afraid.’ first of all, mood. second of all, proof why simon is my child.

tbh, i really wanted to see a better brotherhood between jace and alec. like, it is still better than in the books, where jace practically ignores alec’s existence until he gets injured by Abaddon. (a moment i wish was in the tv show, but too complicated, i understand.) but i think in this scene, where they discuss the steps they’re taking, you kind of see the chemistry between them. well, not really chemistry, maybe more just their relationship.

first off, alec tries explaining to jace that even though clary’s made the decision, they’re responsible for her wellbeing, something that isn’t in the book. i really appreciate this bit, primarily because you see why alec is so fussy about missions. as the season progresses, you see the kind of pressures that are on him, something that makes me hate clary all the more

second, jace counters this by giving him the bigger picture. this is a step they need to take to find valentine. i think that’s something the books don’t give you either. you kinda start seeing that without jace, alec gets stuck on the minor details i.e. rules, stipulations etc. and without alec, jace wouldn’t be able to calculate the risks of each decision, which i think is key to understanding them as parabatai.

third, alec’s soft little ‘you were never a stray’ tugs at my heartstrings every time. jace really is family to them, a brother for them and i love that he sort of forces that down; that despite their last names, despite their bloodlines, they will always be brothers, a sentiment i absolutely adore

haha, jace c*ckblocking simon since 2016

i’m still not over the notion that valentine is holed up in chernobyl, of all places. i am really glad though that they didn’t follow the trope of the US being like the only country in the world, or New York being the only city on the planet.

did i mention how confused i am that dot is still alive?

yeah, did not miss jace’s arrogance

‘kay despite the fact that i hate everything about her, i have to commend clary on how much she loves her mom. i mean, i know a lot of people who wouldn’t do the same. and despite the fact that jocelyn lied to her for 12 years (based on what she tells magnus later on) she’s still willing to do whatever it takes.

‘you’re clary freaking fray, you can do anything.’ cue alec eye-rolling in the back. look, it’s not that i have anything against simon and clary being vocal about their bff status, it’s just that a) i would never talk to my best friend like that and b) it is thoroughly making me cringe

kay, i’ve rewatched this scene a dozen times and here’s what i noticed

‘i have seen every horror movie ever and the funny best friend who gets left behind...dead man’

cue isabelle laughing

jace: you’re not that funny

alec is just so done with these f*cking mundanes. “the rune energy will kill any mundane that dares to enter, so please.” motions for the mundie to keep going.

kay, before i keep going, i’ve noticed this post is going on for a bit, and re-reading, i feel like i have to clarify why i dislike jace’s arrogance but not alec’s. i think it’s mainly because jace’s arrogance stems from a need to be superior to others, which is common with victims of child abuse, or so i’ve read. knowing this makes it a little harder to hate him, but this kind of behaviour, while is justifiable, often leads to them tearing down another person’s self-worth, which you can kind of see in the books. alec’s arrogance mainly stems from being exhausted from dealing with other people’s bullshit, which i can’t really dislike. i’m an older sibling myself, so i kinda know what he goes through dealing with siblings and such. you’ll see with the next point.

‘talk about sacrifice, i’m missing a financial analysis class.’ first off, what kind of class starts in the middle of the night? second, i’d rather be in the city of bones than in financial analysis. third, i feel alec’s exasperation.

‘yeah, i can’t be around this, so imma mind the perimeter.’ *gestures to simon’s entire body*

i dunno why clary’s hugging simon like that, it’s not like he’s the one going down there. i’m gonna move on before i overanalyse and come up with more ways why i don’t like clary

izzy keeps making simon uneasy and I LIVE FOR THESE MOMENTS

aight, imma keep it honest, i skipped the whole city of bones/clace section the first time cuz they’re so boring. but it’s pretty much just jace making stupid jokes and clary being kinda whiny.

‘looking better in black than the widows of our enemies.’ a line that lives rent-free in my head.

also, he keeps saying she’s a shadowhunter now, but she hasn’t done much shadowhunting. she doesn’t even know what the clave is

aand now they’re holding hands. great. very professional y’all.

silent brothers. looking creepy since the dawn of nephilim. but for my book stans, where’s brother smackariah?

imma be honest, i feel bad for the silent brothers. i mean, they’ve devoted themselves completely to the shadowhunter profession, mutilated themselves for the attainment of knowledge, and yet, the first thing that comes to mind is fear instead of admiration. yikers.

“if you are not strong enough, the soul sword will kill you.” this show needs to stop getting my hopes up

“it literally never stops talking.” i love alec with all my heart.

i know i shouldn’t but it’s so funny that they keep referring to simon as ‘it’

“my father is valentine.” cue matchstick running.

alec is the only sane person on this team. how is he the only one that doubts clary’s loyalty? i mean, i’ll admit he could have phrased it better, but book!Alec is canon for being straightforward so i’m shrugging it off. jace should’ve been a leetle understanding and for once, i think clary’s reaction towards alec was justified. finding out she’d valentine’s daughter, and then being accused of espionage isn’t a fortunate series of events. but alec is correct in his own right. as head of the institute, he needs to make sure. again, he’s always mindful of the consequences behind his actions. even when simon is kidnapped, he doesn’t act rashly, even though no-one would blame him for sticking an arrow through Raphael for kidnapping Simon. (don’t get me wrong, i love raphael.) but he doesn’t, keeping the accords in mind. they’d all be screwed if they broke the law, and alec would be held responsible.

that’s all folks. tune in tomorrow for episode 3

#shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #anti clary fray #anti clary fairchild #anti clary #alec lightwood #Jace Herondale #jace wayland #jace #alec #izzy #simon lewis #isabelle lightwood #clary fairchild

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self-ships-ahoy · 3 years

Note

let's do all of those historical asks! please? uwu for anyone

Historical F/O Ask Game

Kitty....why. /nm

When an f/o isn't specified, I go with Medic, cuz he's the main. Plus I just like talking about him. 😊 Also...I'm gonna try third person writing for this. Non-ship blogs will understand that better.. Long post ahead:

⏳: What era/fantasy universe is your F/O from? What is your favorite thing about this era/universe?

TF2 takes place during the late 1960s/early 70s in New Mexico. I can't really think of too much I like about that era specifically; I don't vibe with a lot of the fashion/house décor styles, and the music is a hit or miss. The cars were good quality I hear. Maybe I'll say the TV. We got some entertaining shows in syndication by then, like Get Smart and Star Trek.

♟: What kinds of activities do you like to do together?

Lots of stuff! Not only special stuff they set aside for dates and such, but also just...anything! Tech just sorta like hanging around him as he does stuff, and depending on the activity, she likes to join in! He also has his moments of hovering around her, just cuz he likes watching her...be. XD The last ask said they like to play music together and go dancing, but they also like to share in other every day activities like cooking and cleaning and caring for the doves. He's an acts of service guy and she's a quality time girl, so they're always doing stuff for and with each other.

📜: How do you communicate with your F/O when you’re apart? Is communication difficult?

Aw gee.. Well, cell phones don't exist yet, so if they're not both in a place that has one of those video phone devices, there isn't really a reliable way. I see Miss Pauling message the mercs somehow, but I didn't actually see what she used to call them. It's not too far fetched to think cell phones were invented in this world, since the internet's already been invented. XD I don't think cell phones are that far away then.

🎩: How does your S/I dress? (Include reference pictures if you want!) How about your F/O?

I'll do Medic first. He dresses very formally and intellectually. Not as formal as Spy with his suits, but Medic does like to appear somewhat professional at his job, since he knows how important he is to the team. You'll frequently see him in ties and vests, and even off hours, he doesn't wear things like t-shirts often, unless it's really hot.

Technician also likes business casual, but she'll also expand her wardrobe when she's feeling pretty. To sum it up, her wardrobe is cozy and feminine. Lots of sweaters, blouses, sun dresses, and slim jeans. I do intend to show off more of her closet when I get the chance, since I actually have found some nice outfits of the decade to dress her up in.

🕰: How did you and your F/O meet? How long did it take for you to get together after you met?

They met when she was assigned to RED, some time after Medic and the others joined. It took a long time for them to start dating, since she outright avoided him out of fear for the better part of a year. It took a while to get from reluctant acquaintances to friends, but from there their friendship really took off, and falling for each other was only a matter of time.

🕯: Would you and your F/O ever get married? What would the ceremony be like? If not, why not?

They're engaged!! I'm still planning out what the ceremony is going to be like, but it's probably gonna take place on the seaside, away from the sand. I already have a dress picked out too, but as for the actual date, we'll see. I wanna make a picture for it this summer, and idk when that's gonna be done.

🥀: What kinds of gifts has your F/O given you? What kinds of gifts have you given them?

Tech likes to cook for Medic, especially since he has a tendency to work through meal times; some nice, traditional German comfort food is also a good way to cheer him up if he's particularly stressed, and she took quick note of that. She just likes to give him anything that reminds him of home.

Medic isn't always the best at giving gifts more than gestures, but he does pay attention to what general kinds of things she likes. If she's eyeing something specific, you bet he's gonna get it for her, no matter the price. He's got the money, and he wants to spoil her because she's the world to him. On the other hand, he also knows how little gifts and gestures touch her, even moreso than large gifts, so he'll just pick up small tokens and souvenirs for her whenever he's out as well.

🏰: Do you and your F/O come from different backgrounds (class, culture, etc)? Has this had an impact on your relationship?

Ok there's nothing I can infer from this so this is pure headcanon. I see young Ludwig having grown up in an upper class family, with rich but neglectful parents; they bought him stuff and set him up to be something to be proud of, but when they learned he might have mental illness, they kept a tight grip on him and tried to 'force' him to be normal so not to cause any negative publicity to the family (it was bad enough there was a history of other family members routinely being run out of town for their mad 'antics'). It only made him feel worse.

Tech spent half her childhood middle class, but when she and her mom left her dad, they lived in a boarding house struggling to make ends meet. Even as a teen, she felt a lot of personal pressure to work and fight to succeed because the world's against her, and failure could mean she loses everything.

The mental toll their childhoods took on them does affect them in their relationship, but they do their best to understand each other and communicate their problems and issues (it's harder for Medic, since he was taught to keep in any sight of weakness).

🎼: What kind of music do you and your F/O listen to? Have you ever danced together? Do either of you sing?

Answered here! (In first person though >_>)

#;answers #kittyandco #self ship #self ship meme #💗 remote surgery

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jiminieloved · 4 years

Note

damn i guess difference of opinion doesn’t work on the i side of the fandom

this is in reference to that cake fight on twitter

Difference of opinion? Not a thing

idk if you misunderstood or not, but karmys mainly hate the cakes and think they’re ugly, not mad at any people, but mad at the corporations for being cheap. not as much fighting against other fans en masse, more fighting for the boys overall well being. it’s probably because there’s less cultural conflicts and languages misunderstandings and that it might be smaller. i’m tired of i-army pettiness and fighting that could be avoided if ppl use their heads

No I didn’t misunderstand lol the I-Army side got very defensive over the cakes and bullied ppl for thinking they were ugly.

iarmy are really scary sometimes man, like that is beyond too far. pretty much all karmy were critiquing the crap outta that cake and BR for not coming up with a better promotion idea and from what I could see they all agree. and honestly their comments were pretty lighthearted and funny. people are allowed to not like an ice cream cake geez everyday I stray a little further from twt

well you sent this before I deactivated but.... yeah haha clearly I agree. I think if you have perfect mental health and a ton of self confidence twitter could be fine, but.... most people don’t.

asfdzyezetd, I am WHEEZING at the cake drama, and would not have believed that was a real issue if you hadn’t shown us pictures, lmao. This is exactly why whenever I-Army starts whining about how K-Army and J-Army hate us and never share things with us, or about how BH obviously prefers them to us, I’m just like, ‘Uh, can you blame them?’ Even AS an I-Army I tend to hope the boys and company both just mostly ignore us and focus on their other two big markets, because I-Army’s the worst, lol

Lol ur welcome for the receipts I was wheezing too.

can we leave the baskin robbin topic out for a sec? cuz i wanna know why ain't nobody talking about bts's time new cover? fr, even my dog can do better than that

i thought it was fake when i first saw it. i heard they were making amendments to the actual contents of the magazine but yeah.... how did they fuck up that cover so fucking bad when you have the 7 hottest men in Korea to work with?

#fandom discourse #bts discourse #anon #ask

19 notes · View notes

ariesbilly · 3 years

Note

1, 8, 16, 18, 22, 23

1. give short descriptions of all your current WIPs.

well we got... the smut. which... takes place in the construction trailer. thats all im willing to say about it lmao

then i got the happiest season au so thats festive.

then i got chapter 2 of the harringrove childhood best friends fic which is focusing on the high school years which will be super fun once get past the wall i hit but its fine its chill i got it

then i attempted to start 2 other fics a few weeks ago when i was feeling supes depressed lol and those were penelope reaching out to fp after freds funeral (as i said... i was depressed lmao) and the other one is sad christas where fred and fp make sweet love under the twinkling christmas lights but then have a big fight after bc that still sounds fun to me. dont know when those are ever gonna get finished but like... theyre there. i only got like one paragraph in to both of them tho so

8. which of your own projects have shaped your writing the most? in what way?

i think my writings been consistently terrible so this is not the question for me lmao whichever one i wrote first has pretty much just... set the tone

16. to what extent do you research for your writing?

the most research i ever put into any of my fics was googling when video game consoles were popularized in the home for the harringrove fic i fucking hate writing pre 90s i dont know shit. but beyond that the most im googling is like what year a song or movie came out

18. how do what you look for in your own writing vs someone else’s coincide? how does your writing influence your reading?

i dont think my writing influences my reading. as for the first question, i will say with smut i can read a LOT of shit, a LOT of certain language and im fine with it. but when it comes to me actually writing it suddenly i get so embarrassed and im like “this sounds cringey. no one writes it this way. dont use those words” but itll be about shit that is so commonplace in literally every smut fic ive ever read like i still cant reference balls it makes me uncomfortable lmfao but beyond that, im pretty critical of other peoples writing. like... to a certain extent i can put up with mistakes, but theres definitely a limit to that and even then im like fixing shit in my head to make it flow better as im reading. so the bar for me is always to just write better than the worst fics ive read. which... i can safely say i at least do that.

22. how much of your own self/experiences do you believe pours into your projects? if this differs per project, which projects have the most and least of you?

i simply have no experiences to draw from i am a hermit. i ... do not live life. even when i was younger i just... did not do anything lmao the only bits of myself/my experiences i can put in are like... mental illness. and even then i have yet to fully tap into that energy i dont know if any of us are ready for that level of negativity. (which... was probably gonna happen in those previously mentioned depression fics so its for the best we did not go there). oh but if you want a fun answer any time ive written gladys or alice roasting fp thats fully been me and how i interact with people

23. what do you do to engage with your projects which isn’t actually writing? ex: playlists, pinterest boards, etc. how much do they play a role in the development of your work?

i do none of those things. i dont actively pursue anything outside of writing for the fics. if i happen to come by something that inspires an idea then sure but im not out seeking it. ive tried making moodboards before for fics but i get annoyed cuz i can never find the pics i want and i give up. the only reason why murder fic has one is bc i was saving up pictures long before i even decided to write it

#briana answers things #fredheads

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agirlunderarock · 4 years

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How I accidentally wrote 20 page paper on Boromir for one of my Final Ever University Papers PART 2

So this took me 5ever because I had to go through my actual paper again to find the sources and the citations I had, and then throw out the academic fluffer I had to speak with. But anyway just be prepared for a long ass read because we gotta touch on nearly every source I argued with in this post before getting to the good stuff. If you haven’t read Part 1 well here it is

Okay Okay where was I?

I said that academics were wrong with how they were judging Boromir right? Is that where I left off? Well thats where I’m starting

So before I go further I need to explain that the main premise for my paper is an argument to characterize Boromir with loyalty and fear, instead of power hungry and whatever the hell used, and then throw out this good vs. evil binary that’s often used to describe the lord of the rings- because lets be real, it looks like that on the surface but everyone has their ups and downs at least once or twice, and if not within the Lord of the Rings, it comes from books that are set in previous ages.

ANYWAY

Keep the fear and loyalty things in mind alright?

Fear sounds like an odd choice for a character I’m supposed to be defending right? I know.

We’ll get to that just bear with me.

So in order to say that academics were wrong, I first had to look at where they were coming from and try to see what textual evidence they had. Because if you’ve done academic research, you know how important textual evidence is.

So while finding literally nothing that focused specifically on Boromir, I found J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia : Scholarship and Critical Assessment by Michael D. C. Drout, which I still have questions about but hey it was a good starting point. You would think that a whole Encyclopedia dedicated to Tolkien would have more than a handful of entries dedicated to Boromir. I mean mentioning him in Gondorian politics or relations with Rohan or even Boromir I instead of just Boromir II but heres the thing, IN THE WHOLE IN ENCYCLOPEDIA HE WAS ONLY MENTIONED 8 TIMES.

THE NAME BOROMIR (which in this document only refers to Boromir II) ONLY APPEARS IN EIGHT ENTRIES.

You know what those entries are?

‘double of,’ - okay what the fuck does that mean?

I honestly don’t remember what it means I think it had to do with character foils, you know like how Neville is a foil for Harry in Harry Potter? If I remember correctly, it identified the common foils, Gandalf v. Saruman, Frodo v. Gollum and Aragorn v. Boromir. I could be totally wrong about this, its been exactly a year and I didn’t focus on this entry.

‘Faramir and,’- yes we know Boromir is Faramir’s older brother. What else ya got?

‘herosim of,’- Ah yes sounds promising

And you think it would shed some positive light on our boy right? RIGHT? Heres what the entry said per the quote in paper “It is in fact Boromir’s desire for the victory of Minas Tirith and his own glory there in that motivates his own grasp for the ring: the heroic motivations of fame, reward, and revenge (in this case on Sauron)” ( Drout 270 ).

LIKE EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK- sorry wait, let me show you how I rephrased that for academic purposes: This description does not actually describe Boromir as being heroic, but later explains why these descriptions of heroism are actually evil compared to characters like Aragorn, Frodo, Gimli and the rest of the Fellowship.

‘penance of,’- Yet another character who achieves redemption through death. Great. I hate it. Shut up. Kill this trope.

and finally, ‘tyranny of.’- yes because Boromir was obviously a tyrant, but I say again SHOW ME TEXTUAL EVIDENCE

AND I’M TALKING ONLY ABOUT THE BOOKS HERE REMEMBER ALL OF THIS IS INFORMATION ON THE BOOKS. like there were entries on things from the movies, and even fanfiction, but THESE ENTRIES WERE BUILT ON RESOURCES THAT BUILT ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE BOOKS

I’m getting off track here

ANYWAYS

At the end of each of those entries were list of sources that the author used to create those entries. So guess what that meant- Ya girl was hand delivered sources to search for and hopefully they had some specific pages references for me to look up within the actual book series. At least you would think thats what I found, but NOOOOOOOOO, what I actually found is that EVERY SINGLE REFERENCED SOURCE CHARACTERIZED BOROMIR ONLY BY HIS ATTEMPT TO TAKE THE RING FROM FRODO.

Thats like living your whole life and having people who say they know you intimately (not in the romantic sense in the knows you to your core sense) BUT the only thing they really know about you is that one time in pre-school you tried to draw a rocket on the wall but actually it looked like a penis thats the only thing anyone will remember you for. I didn’t do this by the way, nor know anyone who did this but some kid somewhere probably did

But you know me at this point I had to check the sources and see what they were saying. So I took up Patrick Grant’s “Tolkien: Archetype and Word,” where he talks mostly about Frodo. I know its a stretch BUT he talks about loyalty specifically Sam’s loyalty to Frodo, and remember we want to establish that Boromir is incredibly loyal, so we have to see what he’s actually up against according to the critics

“…Sam Gamgee, whose part is least publicly acclaimed of all, but who in the sense in which we are now using the word, is especially heroic. His unfailing devotion to Frodo is exemplary, and here again Sam is a key link in bring the meaning of the book to the reader, the everyman who admires great deeds but wonders what his own part might be in important events which seem well enough wrought without him” ( 180 ).

Okay that seems fair from how Tolkien himself has talked about Sam right. And you’re probably like okay, but what the fuck does that have to do with Boromir? Literally just further down the page he says:

“…. The fellowship breaks only when the bond of obedience is broken, as it is by Boromir, whose pride and lust for personal power are evidence of false heroism” (180).

LUST FOR PERSONAL POWER???? PRIDE?????

SHOW ME THE PAGES SIR

GIVE THEM TO ME

I know you’re probably thinking, ‘but wait he’s actually kinda right-”

WRONG

Its anxiety, I’m telling you

I counted

its fear and anxiety

but again I’m getting a head of myself. Basically Grant just took a shat on Boromir to make Sam look good.

EXCUSE ME SIR SAM IS A GODDAMN MASTERPIECE ON HIS OWN THANKS. DON’T TRASH BOROMIR TO COMPLIMENT SAM. Also be wary of people who do this in general, if they put someone else down instead of just out right complimenting you take it as a warning

Oh and did I mention that because Grant says Boromir is technically being selfish, another critics analysis makes Boromir Evil, because acts done out of selfish pursuits are seen as evil and a “perversion of human will.” But you know, thats just how it be sometimes when you’re putting literature in conversation with one another.

Just know I pick on Grant a lot, mostly because he says shit like this: “…the most blinding love derives directly from such obedience,” (180). when it comes to Sam, and then takes a shit on Boromir. Like we’re going to come back to the obedience thing in a little bit, but just know that Merry, Pippin, Faramir, Eowyn, Even Sam at one point, and I mean I guess by some extension movie!Arwen take a big ‘ol shit on the idea that the only way to be heroic is to be OBEDIENT.

I get it, its another Catholic thing. I’m Catholic, I know what its getting at. But consider- no

Basically I boil this shit down to one thing

Sam Only Owes Loyalty To Frodo.

Literally his main concern throughout the book is Frodo and then the Shire and what that encompasses. So yeah its easy to be loyal and obedient to someone who shares all the same ideas and values as you and has a pretty similar lived experience right??? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY And before anyone says Sam was loyal to the fellowship, Sam would literally cut a bitch for Frodo. He woulda fought Aragorn in the Prancing Pony if he thought he had to. He gave a second thought to Merry and Pippin when they left the Fellowship, but it wasn’t a “we should go back for them all or wait for them” It was “i’m gonna support mr. Frodo, even if Idon’t much like the gollum creature he decided to drag around but fair i guess cuz none of us know the fucking way into Mordor.”

So I made a chart to demonstrate why comparing Boromir and Sam is a big no no, and what kinda things Boromir was working with the whole time he was part of the fellowship.

Did I forget to mention that this was supposed to be a visual research paper?

So Sam and Frodo had a lot of the same Fears and values.

Our Boy Boromir over here has to deal with being a political/military figure, meet the demands of his father, he’s gotta try to be a good brother, he’s gotta learn to get along with the fellowship, and then each of those new or old loyalties has different responsibility and expectations he’s supposed to meet. And because I had to include Aristotelian ideas as part of the class, to quote myself: Despite the Aristotelian concept that it is impossible to be a virtuous friend to many, Boromir’s actions throughout The Fellowship of the Ring show him attempting to do this ( Aristotle 9 ). Like thats literally why he ends up a member of the Fellowship, he’s a little unsure of this plan, but hey its the best one he’s heard and if everyone thinks its going to work then by golly he’ll see it done. But again Aristotle (just in your head pronounce it like chipotle for me please) wants to try to establish a structure that I think is stoopid, he’s got a thing that says “it is a more terrible thing to defraud a comrade than a fellow-citizen, more terrible not to help a brother than a stranger, and more terrible to wound a father than any one else” (15).

So remember those loyalties in the little blue squiggles up in the picture, we already know that Denethor, and Faramir bump heads a little, and then the soldiers serving with Boromir probably have their own ideas about how Gondor should be defended, and then he goes to the Council of Elrong and they’re saying something completely different from what he’s heard- theres a lot of threads pulling the Captain in different directions. He’s got a lot hats to wear and demands to fulfill and living under the shadow of Mordor with all of those responsibilities is bound to give anyone anxiety.

But don’t just take my word for it

The movie actually reinforces this. I know the book says Boromir was “...pierced with many black feathered arrows” But the movie specifically makes it 3

Now I’m sure Mr. Peter Jackson didn’t intend for what I’m about to say, but I think its a pretty cool notion to think about. Because you can summarize Boromir’s conflicting loyalties into “family’ ‘country’ and “Fellowship’. Like his father would have him bring the ring to Gondor, his role as a military/political figure for Gondor means he should be doing whatever he has to in order to protect his country, and the Fellowship is like nah man we destroy this thing and everything else will fall into place, and Boromir is left having to decide whih of these things to act upon. Family, Country, and the Fellowship are the competing signs that make up is character arc, and his grapple with these three things is ultimately what leads to his death.

Now if your thinking family and country should be lumped together- theres a reason for it, just trust me, bare with me please

But basically what I’m trying to get at is given all these factors, you can’t compare a character like Boromir with all these responsibilities hanging off him to be comparable to Sam whose only responsibility is Frodo.

But you know who does share all these same demands

Faramir

Like take a look at their character arcs- if you can the text on this next pic is super teeny

If thats too small for you don’t worry about it because we’re gonna get into why Faramir is a better foil for Boromir, and how this should affect the way we as the reader come to understand his character. So fun stuff in the next part! Sorry for dragging this out, but just like my original paper, this turned out to be WAY longer than I expected.

#The Lord of the Rings #Boromir #me talking about Boromir #the fellowship of the ring #character analysis #character development

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natsunoomoi · 3 years

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Holy crap. So like with the previous post I was thinking about Fushigi Yuugi again and kind of checking up on what was up with Byakko Senki cuz I haven’t checked on it in awhile and it looks like it’s on hiatus right now and she’s working more on Arata Kangatari, which is cool cuz I thought she finished that, but I guess not and she just took a break to like finish Genbu and do Byakko or something.

But also I was scrolling through her Twitter to find that she is really into this Chinese movie “Legend of Luo Xiaohei” and so I was checking that out cuz so ironic that Japanese mangaka that got her big break writing manga about an ancient China setting is interested in a Chinese movie. So just looking through her Twitter thread and apparently she found out about Luo Xiaohei from watching a CM while watching Modao Zushi. LMAO It’s amazing, but this situation just feels like an ouroboros eating itself because I have a high suspicion that her work on Fushigi Yuugi imported into China back in the 90s was probably a huge influence on Chinese creators and artists to write their own stories about their culture and helped to popularize the xianxia and wuxia novel movements in more modern times. On top of that MXTX said she was inspired by a D. Gray-man fanfic and while she mentioned that title specifically, I think in the periphery Fushigi Yuugi itself and more recently Arata were probably an influence too. Growing up a number of my Chinese friends also said they got into anime overall because of Fushigi Yuugi because it was an anime and work from Japan about their culture and arguably done pretty damn well.

In terms of the danmei movement as well, I’m pretty sure Fushigi Yuugi was included in what started the movement as the movement was influenced by Japanese BL that came in via Taiwan, and the beginning of Fushigi Yuugi had the whole thing between Nuriko and Hotohori even though that kind of went nowhere, Nuriko dies to everyone’s depression (I have several friends who refuse to watch the rest of the series after Nuriko dies because it’s not the same), and that whole ship goes off a weird deep end with Hotohori marrying a woman that looks like Nuriko. Also, the exact reasons for Nuriko being in the harem and all that. There was a whole lot of shipping in the 90s from Fushigi Yuugi and it was one of the first series that had a male cast that was almost entirely ikemen and I think the actual first reverse harem. A number of shows probably simultaneously popularized the female gaze in mainstream anime, but Fushigi Yuugi was definitely one of them. Like literally one or two years before there was a lot of manly men and guy’s guys kind of anime characters, but beautiful ikemen, no, not really. In 2021, there are some things about the series that are a bit problematic, but it’s influence on the world is pretty significant. It was one of the first shows I’d seen that had any kind of reference to homosexuality or transgender in it and although it’s not necessarily portrayed well, the fact that it was there and that Nuriko was such a beloved character it started a conversation and helped us to get to a time where the topics she represents can be more discussed. I’m actually not even sure what pronouns would be appropriate for Nuriko because of her reasons for what she did and in Japanese the pronoun problem is actually really easy to get around because you just don’t have a subject or speaking in 3rd person is totally normal. But still, without her the minds of thousands or even millions of fans around the world would not have been opened as early to LGBT topics. Her existence, even problematic as it might be, allowed people to consider and love a character of a different sexual orientation or gender identity than their own and just open their minds to just not being a homophobic, biphobic (cuz relationship with Miaka?), or transphobic piece of shit.

Then also Genbu Kaiden and Uruki’s powers. Yeah.... I mean, also kind of with the earlier discussion, the idea of dual cultivation I don’t recall even being brought up much before in most media, but such ideas were also banned and repressed in China at a certain point. Documentation shows it was more of an ancient practice that suddenly became known about again. The book I was talking about that has it more explicitly written is banned in China has its only original surviving copy in the Japanese National Library as it was one of the books brought to Japan by scholars escaping persecution in China and bringing with them books to escape one of the many episodes of mass book burning. According to my Chinese lit professor who had us read an English translation of that book as a part of our curriculum anyway. Supposedly the translator of said book had to go to Japan to read the original in order to write the translation. There’s apparently a number of ancient Chinese texts like that because book burnings were a thing at different points in Chinese history, so if you are a scholar of Chinese lit if you want a complete picture of your field for some texts you do actually have to come to Japan to do your research. But yeah, that power mentioned in that very book Watase-sensei gave to Soi, and also the story of Fushigi Yuugi takes place in that very library that contains that ancient copy of a banned and would have been lost to the world book. If you’re asking why a “dirty” book would be something a scholar would grab to save, ancient lit scholars do regard it as a rather well-written piece of literature even though the content of it is basically taboo.

But also the Fushigi Yuugi Suzaku Ibun game is a hot mess when it comes to this same issue because if you romance Nuriko you can save her from death and my friend Hikari said she wasn’t sure if she was happy about fucking with the universe like that. (I’m not either.) Nuriko’s death was such a huge impact on the story and everything. Also, notably, most of the Suzaku Shichiseishi died, but Nuriko had the LONGEST tribute. Like Chiriko and Mitsukake’s was like a tag on of a few minutes. Hotohori’s was too even, but it was addressed more in the later manga chapters the publisher pressured her to write and in the OVA series afterward.

Also, like Fushigi Yuugi other than the Neverending Story was one of the original sucked into a book holy shit how do I survive stories. Idk if SVSSS is influenced by it in that way, but it’s fair to draw the parallels because of the similar theme. It’s just canonically Taiitsu Shinjin is not behind the the system in the book and in a number of ways Shen Yuan is more competent than Miaka. Miaka gets a lot of shit though and when I re-watched FY a second time I actually found the gripes people generally have about it make up only a small part of the series. People just talk it up so much that it seems like a huge thing when it’s not. Plus the technical canon is only the original TV series because that’s where Watase wanted to end the story and that is an emotional rollercoaster that makes you cry so good. But like there’s some other kinds of parallels as well like how toward the end and like the last two episodes you hate Nakago up until the exact moment you find out why he’s an absolute asshole, and characters straight up criticizing him about how he’s an asshole the whole damn series just gives the same kind of feels that SY gave criticizing the original throughout SVSSS. Can’t say for sure, but Fushigi Yuugi has a lot of clout in a general sense.

But yeah, Watase-sensei said that she was really surprised by the animation quality of Chinese animation these days and she thought Japanese anime was going down in comparison. Same, yo. Same. But still, her work was probably a huge contributor to the movement that allowed MDZS to exist because her art is damn beautiful, Chinese influenced, and she had one of the first works in Asia to like bring the subject of LGBT issues into the mainstream after years of oppression from mostly Western influence because in pre-modern Asia no one gave a shit before and there’s a significant amount of classical novels that address some form of LGBT issues at least in Japanese lit and like even academic documentation that notes Confucius saying that doing it with a guy was better than with a woman. And the author of the work that probably was very influential to BL back in the 90s watches MDZS. She noted that there wasn’t any in the actual anime, which is true, but I think she helped that series to exist and she watches the anime so it’s kind of exciting.

I hope it influences her to go finish Byakko, but OMG I want her to finish Arata too because I like Arata. I should try to find time to read more of it because the anime is too short and the wiki descriptions of what’s happening are so damn confusing and incomplete.

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lordofevildreams-a · 4 years

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Rules *UPDATED*

⚠️ = A pretty important rule on my blog. If you’re in a hurry, just read these bullets. The rest is basically either common sense or not very important.

⚠️I don’t really answer IMs, I am VERY slow at it if I do. Discord is better for chat, feel free to ask for it. Asks work too to talk to each other. Spam will get you blocked..

—-

Opens are for anyone!

⚠️NSFW is allowed, but not smut really (I will do smut, but I need to know you well and be in the mood for it.) I don’t like smut really, but things like violence, gore, and all that is fine and I like it. There will be dark themes on this blog. Ask to tag.

Any age is welcome to my blog. I will be honest, I have a LOT more patience with younger folk than adults. I am 25 years old.

⚠️Do not pester me for replies, wait before asking. Give it three days.

⚠️ I stay away from plotting. I will plot a starting point though.

I don’t like fighting RPs, so I stay away from those. I only will do them with people if it’s a short fight, or if I am very close to you.

Note: I will still do fighting RPs, however you MUST understand Shigaraki is severely OP. I will not tone him down and hold him back. Only thing I will hold him back on is killing or maiming your muse.

To do a fighting RP, this rules post MUST be liked or replied to indicate you've read it.

Me unfollowing you will happen for the following; You have untagged stuff I don’t want to see, post too much ooc (I am perfectly fine with ooc talk, but if you’re reblogging pictures and random posts that has NOTHING to do with your muse, I will PROBABLY unfollow (unless it amuses me or I don’t mind it.) WHEN I UNFOLLOW it means I will STILL RP with you. I just didn’t want your stuff on my dash.

Blocking= You give me bad vibes, I don’t like the way you talk to me, you vague post, issues that are with YOU and not the blog. You’ve broken rules. WHEN I BLOCK SOMEONE, I will NOT RP with them or talk to them or anything. I give no warnings, cuz I don’t have to.

I will never soft block someone.

I will RP with MOST fandoms.

Mun =/= Muse.

Paragraphs > one liners. That being said, most of my starters will be one liners.

I ship with chemistry. Please don’t be hurt if I don’t approve of a ship. Muse must be 18+ to ship with Shigs.

I will likely not ship with aged up minors. I will still RP with you! I have just had bad experience shipping with an aged up minor with other people.

This blog is mutliship.

Do not drag me into drama. Do not start drama with me. If you have issues with someone I RP with, either black list their tag, or simply unfollow me. You may warn me about someone, but that doesn’t mean I will reply nor take action.

I usually stay away from multi threads. (Unless with multi muses and it’s with a different character.)

I will probably not RP with anyone who has their OC muse related to Shigaraki in some way. It doesn’t sit well with me and you will probably be blocked. If it’s a friend and someone I know, then I will allow it.

Don’t like a starter call if you don’t intend to reply. I don’t remind people due to anxiety. If you like for a starter and don’t reply numerous times, I will likely stop giving you one.

No god modding, auto hitting, etc. We all know that stuff. Don’t do it. Unless you get permission of course

I do not send pass words for rules read. I admit, I DO forget, or I’ve read so many they blend together.

Mun is a potato.

Mun uses he/him pronouns himself, however, I really do not care what you refer to me as. Whatever you see me as is okay by me~. (He/him/she/her/they/them. It all works.)

⚠️If you make a starter in my ask, reply to it in a separate post. Honestly if you don’t do this, there’s a big chance I won’t reply.

⚠️Do not spam me. It upsets me.

Do not reblog RPs you are part of.

⚠️I AM NOT YOUR THERAPIST. Please do NOT come to me with your problems. Only very close friends may vent to me that I feel comfortable with. I’m sorry this sounds mean but it really affects my own health when I start helping random strangers. If you come to me starting something, I will probably ignore it.

I AM FLEXIBLE, I CAN and WILL make exceptions! Just ask about whatever is on your mind.

⚠️I do have a job and other hobbies. RPing won’t always be my main thing to do on my list.

⚠️And the most important rule on this blog– HAVE FUN!

—-

WARNING: Stealing my icons will get you into a LOT of trouble. I will get nasty and even resort to call out post. Stealing my icons IS theft, as I had either paid for them or made them myself, which took me HOURS to do. I will not tolerate theft. I will not share my icons with anyone, so please do not ask. If you see someone using my icons, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

Just leave a like or a comment of a fact about yourself to let me know you read it! SIDE BLOGS-- comment with what side blog(s) you have, so I know!

#rules

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korejinnie · 4 years

Text

(THEORY) The ACTUAL Story Timeline Sequence of the BTS Universe and The Two Realms it's Separated Into.

SO, I've been theorizing for a while about the order of the MVs, and I've always felt like the order of the MVs are just... so out of order that it didn't make sense to me. Then, after I did some deeper research on Jungian theology, and also reading the book "Demian", and then also going back to watch all the BTS MVs, shortfilms, and highlight reels again, I noticed that there was a pattern:

The BTS Universe was split into two major realms:

The "Dream Realms" and the "Reality Realms".

My theory is that the MVs in these two realms happen simultaenously and often cross over each other throughout the BU storyline.

Let me explain.

Dream Realms includes MVs that depict surrealistic settings/situations (such as BS&T and Boy with Luv).

Reality Realms includes MVs that depict the reality situations happening to the boys in real life, mostly based off of "The Notes" (such as RUN and I NEED U):

Now, you may think the BU storyline begins at prologue,

but, it actually begins... with Singularity and DNA.

Why?

Well, Taehyung's solo, Singularity, may be about creating a persona to cover up one's pain, but it could also be referring to "Singularity" on a scientific spectrum: "Initial Singularity".

Initial Singularity is where everything started. Before the Big Bang and the universe exploded, there was only singularity.

And guess where the DNA mv setting is? A Galaxy/Universe

And GUESS WHAT HAPPENS IN DNA?

Exactly. An explosion.

The beginning of the Universe. The beginning of the BU storyline, begins with Singularity ending, leading to the creation of the universe with DNA.

In DNA, Hoseok and Namjoon sings,

"The evidence of destiny given to me, You're the source of my dream".

Like I said before, BU is separated into Dream and Reality realms.

DNA is the "source of my dream"

but who's?

Jungkook's dream.

This is where it all BEGIN. (WINGS shortfilm #1: BEGIN).

Now most of you may already know that WINGS is based off of the book "Demian" (if you haven't read Demian yet, you can read the summary here: https://sparknotes.com/lit/demian/sum ).

Demian presents the reflections of an older man on his childhood.

HYYH is about the journey of the boys growing up and losing their innocence, about how they learn to leave their childhood behind, which is very similar to that of what is depicted in the book "Demian".

So, just keep in mind that each shortfilm from WINGS depicts a different stage in the boys' growth from their childhood to adulthood.

Anyways, now we move on to "School days", AKA Lie + No More Dream + N.O.

During this time, the boys are probably in elementary school. This is when they begin to hide their true feelings and begin to create their own personas in order to perhaps meet their parents or society's standards of who they're supposed to be. In real life, they may seem fine, but in their mind/dreams, that's where their true thoughts and feelings come to life. As shown through N.O., No More Dream, and Lie, you see how the boys really feel about their life and school. They dislike the education system and the way they're being forced to learn through regurgitating information.

They are conflicted about their identity and their future, being told by their parents that they need to study and work hard for a future that they might not really actually want for themselves, and aren't even completely sure of yet. There's so many different possibilities that the boys dream of, such as perhaps becoming a race car driver or a detective. But again, they have no REAL dream or concept of their future. They don't know.

In LIE, Jimin also lies about his traumatic childhood and the murder he witnessed at the arboretum of one of his classmates, Choi, when he was very young. In traditional asian society, especially for boys, emotions and feelings aren't really talked about openly.

Also with the fact that Jimin's parents were never around to support him that much, since he was always pretty much staying in the hospital due to his mysterious illness that causes him to have seizures, he felt that to seem normal, he would have to hide his feelings from others.

Now uh.... this is where we get to the teenage years, where the boys are in high school

and uh... this is where they, let's be honest, start to get horny :))))))))), as seen through their superficial love for girls in Boy in Luv, Danger, and War of "Hormone".

Boy in Luv portrays the boys reality, as depicted in The Notes, the boys would hang out in a old empty classroom and spend time together there, and this is seen in the Boy in Luv MV.

You can also tell if it's the dream or reality realm based off of their outfits. In the case of Boy in Luv MV, the boys are all wearing pretty much the same student uniforms and sneakers. Typical of that of a normal highschool student in real life.

Danger and War of Hormone though... THAT's what the boys are really thinking about in their minds and dreams.

As shown through their dramatic expressions when they see a cute girl walk by and the odd black and white with the excpetion to the red and green colors in the MV, and the boys dancing in a metro station? singing about why the girl they like won't answer their text and talking and why the girl is ignoring them:

Anyways, as the boys grow up,

this is where we get to the discord era, where everything begins to fall apart, but also where the boys begin to discover who they really are.

In the original prologue, Jin took a picture with some of the other boys with his polaroid. But then, at the end of the prologue when jin took out the same polaroid picture from the previous night before, he realized that his friends wasn't in the picture.

Of course afterwards bighit deleted this scene & we never actually know why bighit deleted it.

But this leads me to question.... if Prologue was actually a a dream? perhaps Jin's dream?

If so, then Taehyung never actually jumped into the sea, and um this might actually be true.

In prologue, we see Taehyung climb up a tall platform and jump down, supposedly starting the butterfly effect and starting off the entire HYYH story.

BUT guess what?

At the very beginning of Euphoria MV, we see the exact same scene of taehyung jumping down from the platform into the sea.

And at the very end, who do we see on the platform instead?

Jin, holding a camera and pointing it down to the boys:

But then HERE'S THE THING.

Jin's camera falls down off of the platform and then it the next scene directly cuts to Taehyung falling into the water???

And the right after Jin is shown again, standing on top of the platform:

If you've watched all the MVs, you'll notice that the two characters who always stands out the most are always Jin and Taehyung. Jin films/records everything with his polaroid or camcorder, and Taehyung always seems to be the outcast of the group.

But the one thing that makes me believe that Jin is the only character to exist throughout the entire storyline, is because of "Demian", Jungian theology, and also the fact that Jin is usually ALWAYS watching everyone from a outsider's perspective.

And GUESS WHAT?

At the end of the book "Demian" (which was the book WINGS was based off of, as I mentioned earlier), the main character Sinclair realizes his two friends: Eva and Demian, are actually not real people.

He realizes that Eva and Demian are actually WITHIN him.

Eva and Demian, are actually Sinclair's Anima and Animus (which I'll talk about later when we get to the highlight reels).

So anyways, to break the confusion you might have right now. What I'm saying is that Euphoria and Prologue are happening simultaneously at the same time. Jin & Taehyung might be jumping into the water at the same time (cuz they might be the same person teehee).

And now, we get to I NEED U and Stigma.

I NEED U is the reality realm and Stigma is the dream realm, as I NEED U, despite portraying each of the boys' struggles, I NEED U is really mainly about Taehyung & his struggle after murdering his father by accident to protect his sister from their abusive drunkard father.

Because in I NEED U taehyung killed his father, in Stigma he gets caught by the police and gets sent to jail for the murder of his father:

Now we get to what I was talking about earlier: the boys meeting their animas in the higlight reels.

Each of the girls the boys spend time together in the highlight reels is their anima. In Jungian theology, a person possess both anima and animus within themselves, however the boys are only being introduced to the feminine side of their personality and psyche right now, so they haven't learned that the ultimate goal of individuation (which is pretty much the end of the BU storyline), is to learn to balance their anima and animus.

Anyways, we move on to Fire and Fake Love. So, if you've read my theory about “Dionysus' Magic Shop Deal with Abraxas”, you'll know that Dionysus might actually be the owner of the Magic Shop in Fake Love.

Since Dionysus is the god of ectsasy and wine, guess what?

The "temporary happiness" that the boys traded for with their anima objects in Fake Love, is actually sweet poison (aka drugs/alcohol).

Wonder why Japanese BS&T looks so weird? Like the boys are tripping or something? Yup! It's drugs and alcohol that's making the boys go wheewhoo psycho. It's also why Jungkook threw up in Japanese BS&T lol:

I mean what did you think they were doing having a party in RUN? With the red SOLO cups? Those SOLO cups are usually used to pour alcohol in for parties.

In RUN furniture was all over the place, there were writings all over the wall, and it was chaotic.

RUN is the reality realm, while BS&T is the dream realm. BS&T portrays what's going through the boys minds while they're partying and getting drunk on "sweet poison that's sweeter than sweet":

That's why in Japanese BS&T in the very beginning we see HYYH Taehyung looking all sleepy as if he had just woken up from a hangover.

And remember when I told you that there are cross overs between the reality realms and the dream realms? yeah, here it is:

Anyways, so then this is where we move on to the REFLECTION stage.

This is when the boys start to realize that doing drugs and drinking away their pain might not actually help them get out of this cycle of despair and misery, so they begin to reflect upon their ego and shadow.

They start thinking to themselves "hmmm something needs to change" (which is also the first step to realizing they need to love themselves!), and this is where we'll eventually reach Epiphany, when Jin finally learns that he's the one he should love in this world.

THIS BOI IS LITERALLY LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR! HIS REFLECTION! LIKE DO YOU SEE THE CONNECTION HERE?!

Alright anyways once Jin finishes singing with his amazing vocals (king seokjin vocals yes). This leads us to the Real Love stage aka turning from lust and love on the outside (which we saw in boy in luv) into love on the inside.

At this stage, Just One Day is the reality realm and Boy With Luv + Lights is the dream realm.

Just One Day has very similar lyrics to boy with luv, talking about how gently and nice they want to treat the girls they like:

We also know that Just One Day is the reality realm because the boys are wearing school uniforms just like they did in Boy in Luv And guess what? Boy with Luv is a reference to Boy in Luv.

Alright so anyways, so Boy with Luv is what goes on inside of the boys' heads during Just One Day, singing about the girls they like in a gentle and soft way. Now, we can't talk about Boy with Luv without taking about Lights MV though, because Lights is a sequel to Boy with Luv.

Lights is essentially what happens after the boys enter the Persona theater. You can think of the theater as a person's persona, while the inside of the theater is how a person actually feels. Also through the lyrics, it's quite obvious the connections between BWL and Lights.

Alright! Now we move on to the Harmony era aka the stage where the boys' Anima and Animus finally come together at peace with one another, and the boys finally learn to balance both their anima and animus. This can be seen through MAMA and Serendipity.

Remember when I told you that WINGS is based off of the book "Demian"? And how at the very end the main character realizes that his two friends, Eva and Demian, were actually his Anima and Animus?

When Hoseok saw the painting (from Lie, since Jimin and hoseok are close friends because they always spent time together at the same hospital) turn into the mother hugging child picture, he came to realize that he didn't need to depend on anyone else to feel loved and normal.

He's spent most his entire life missing his mother and letting the pain of his mother abandoning him when he was younger suffocate and manipulate him into believing he is ill. When he finally learned to balance his anima and animus, he felt complete.

MAMA = My Anima My Animus

This is why MAMA is the only song in the entire WINGS album in all caps. It's a acronym for My Anima My Animus.

The "Her" in Love Yourself: Her Album.

It's not a girl.

It's anima.

The idea of finding oneselve's anima and balancing your anima and animus can also be seen through Jimin's solo Serendipity.

In serendipity, Jimin sings about his anima (since he's a boy and represents animus). This boy LITERALLY sings

"You are me, I am you". "Cuz you love me, and I love you."

Jimin has finally learned to love himself.

This is also why, in Love Yourself Highlight Reel '承', you see each boy and their girls having a good time together, interacting with each other and everything seems to be peaceful and happy. Heck, even Jungkook is playing the piano with yoongi again!

In chinese the word "承" means "to understand", so at this stage, the boys have finally understood the true meaning of self love.

But of course, even when you do understand the true meaning of self love, that doesn't mean you have necessarily ACHIEVED self love. There will still be more challenges and hardships to face and overcome. This can be seen in Love Yourself Highlight Reel '轉', when things start to go wrong. Each boy ends up leaving the girl they liked. The anima and animus starts to become unbalanced again.

But, this doesn't go on forever, because one day, you WILL learn to finally truly love yourself. The idea of the process of individuation is when you finally complete the map of the soul and become one with your soul, you'll become your own god and finally break out of they cycle of reincarnation.

We know Jin has reached the final stage of self love and process of individuation, because in AWAKE, we see him dropping the apple (aka the sweet poisonous apple from snow white). He let's go of the materialistic things that he used to hold on to to help him feel less painful.

Also from the wallpaper in AWAKE, we see the pattern of Abraxas: The ALL POWERFUL GOD who is beyond heaven and hell. He is beyond time and space:

The bird painting Jin was staring at, that was Abraxas' messenger:

Anyways, this is when we reach the last step before Jin goes "bye bye" forever and becomes a god and leaves the cycle of reincarnation: Young Forever.

Ever noticed why Jin is so far behind from all the other boys in Young Forever?

Exactly. He's the only real character throughout the entire storyline. Young forever is Jin looking back at all of his memories from his life and letting go of the past that had been troubling him for so long.

I mean seriously! It says "2015.04.29 ~ FOREVER" at the beginning of Young Forever.

You can see this as Jin or BTS' way of saying, even after I'm gone, we'll always be in your memories and heart forever. Sort of a reference to when BTS disbands.

Epilogue is defined as "A section or speech at the end of a book or play that serves as a comment on or a conclusion to what has happened."

And you see this comparison in similarity from AWAKE as well. Where the photos of an important item that symbolizes each stage of Jin's life is laid out across the floor and in Young Forever how strips of picture films are shown across the screen of Jin and his "friends":

"We cried a lot and laughed a lot but it was so beautiful".

The most beautiful moments of life (HYYH)... is life itself.

This is BTS' way of saying...

"We had a lot of fun memories together and it was all so beautiful, but it's time to leave. We love you forever, goodbye.”

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sharkfish · 4 years

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ps i loved this one

(rereading bookmarks edition part 2)

(part 1)

i’ve been rereading stories from my bookmarks as a comfort thing. i’m getting real deep in there to stuff i haven’t (re)read for years, and damn do i have good taste. the ones i’ve read recently that you should, too:

(under the cut so i’m not that asshole that makes you scroll past an endless post)

Best Laid Plans by Persephoneshadow

Things are going well for Dean: he's landed the biggest design job of his architectural career and is about to get final approval on the project despite how difficult the development company, personified by Castiel Novak, has made it. It's not bad for a moody omega...except things are also going terribly for Dean because he has to get in a plane and fly to a meeting, and course ends up in heat a few hours before. Luckily, Castiel is there to help and both men discover the good that can come when nothing goes quite as intended.

i don’t know why i’m such a ho for stories where dean thinks cas hates him, but cas secretly adores him and is just a little “rusty” on his “people skills.” i’m also a ho for stories where dean is a gd skilled genius but his dumb ass still thinks his work sucks and/or anything good is due to other people instead of himself. and also, heat boning.

Confessions of a Cam Boy by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)

Dean runs a cam show to pay his way through marketing school, but he's about to start an internship that he doesn't know will change his life. Watching Dean's show is Castiel's favorite way to wind down after a stressful day at Sandover Bridge & Iron. When Cas comes to work one day and finds his favorite cam boy setting coffee on his desk, he is completely thrown. Will Dean finish his internship without knowing his favorite viewer is his new boss, or will he be able to see through Cas' non-existent poker face and figure it out?

omg poor cas is soooo awkward and dean is weirded out about how much his new boss seems to dislike him and then it’s super sexy >:)

For Science by shiphitsthefan

“Think of it like an experiment," says Dean. "You’re testing a hypothesis as to whether or not a desirable response can be achieved through the stimulation of the anus via the application of a willing volunteer’s muscular hydrostat.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Are you actually trying to use the scientific method to talk me into letting you lick my asshole?”

everyone is such adorable nerds in this one. it’s a fic about rimming, but it’s also about love and discovering yourself and acceptance. it explores cas’s realization through his connection with dean that he’s not straight up ace but more grey/demi - and that doesn’t mean he was “faking” being ace up until he met dean.

Friends with Benefits with Tentacles by andimeantittosting (Saylee)

Dean's never been embarrassed about his porn collection before, but that was before he found Cas holding his prized copy of Sweet Princess Asuka and the Tentacles of Pleasure. Dean finds himself sweating bullets—because this is Cas, sweet, nerdy Cas. Cas, his friend. Cas, his roommate. Cas, his—only slightly out-of-control—crush.

Cas, with his big, blue eyes and muscular arms and perpetual sex hair.

Cas, with his tentacles.

The last thing he expects is for Cas to suggest they experiment together.

there are not enough tentacle fics out there and i 100000% approve of this addition to the tag. i love that dean is out there legitimately studying porn, and the tentacles are obviously super fun, and there were parts where my heart hurt so bad, all around a damn fine fic.

Grown-Ups Making Grown-Up Choices by Carrieosity

Dean is a grown-ass man - he can take perfectly good care of himself, thank you very much. Except that sometimes the easier or more fun choices aren't always the right or best ones, and, all right, maybe thinking ahead and working the long game isn't his strongest suit. It's fine! He's fine.

When he meets Castiel, he realizes that flying by the seat of his pants may not be the best way to attract the super-serious (gorgeous, funny, genius) Alpha. Dean's shrink has been telling him he needs to start making "grown-up choices," and if that's what he has to think about in order to make Cas fall for him, then he'll give it a whirl.

i LOVE this fic (series). i feel so hard for dean feeling like he’s too old for his life to still be a mess, but i also felt sad for him that he thought he had to make all these hardcore changes - basically turn himself into a different person - to be worthy of cas’s attentions. i fucking adore cas in this, and i nearly cried just thinking about all the damn peppers they eat, and i want to read it again right now.

If I Run by Anonymous

"Dean Winchester is a red-blooded American male. He lifts all the things. He aims for functional strength. He counts his macros and makes fun of curlbros. He is not a member of the Tarahumara tribe and he will not read Born to Run, no matter how many times Sam tells him to, because Starting Strength is the only book Dean will ever fucking need."

***

Wherein a friendly competition with the mysterious ThursdaysAngel turns into a sexy selfie-trading spree that motivates Dean Winchester to train for his first marathon.

i really really love this fic and reread it pretty often tbh. it only became “anonymous” pretty recently and i’m so curious about why!! regardless, this fic is a really great time!!!

It's Always More Than Once (Before It Takes) by squeemonster

The first time it happens, it's because of boredom. Or, at least that's what Dean tells himself to justify it. Boredom and Dean Winchester are a dangerous combination, especially when you factor in beer, a raging libido, and laziness.

dean: my dudes, is it gay to do sexy stuff with your male bff? cuz i’m totally straight. but also, having sex with my male bff.

I Wanna Get Outside (Of Me) by emwebb17

Dean is a novice in the dom/sub world asked by his employer as a desperate last resort to be a sub for his recluse of a brother, Castiel. Castiel is a diagnosed OCD suffering from PTSD and agoraphobia, mysophobia, and dystychiphobia. Needless to say—he’s a mess who hasn’t stepped out of his home in literally seven years. The only times Gabriel can see traces of the way his brother used to be is when he feels in control—specifically when he has control over a sub. However, due to his idiosyncrasies and paranoia, keeping a sub around has been impossible. Enter Dean, who’s not a very traditional submissive, to try his hand at subbing for the hermit.

you know how sometimes you read a fic, and it takes ages to get yourself out of that world? even though you’re finished, you’re still right there with him? this is one of those fics. i reread it a couple weeks ago and fell asleep thinking about it last night. i cry a lot reading this one.

Living in Agony by ChasingRabbits

Dean Winchester's life is... well, it's not great. He's a gym teacher, he's in his thirties, and he can't seem to keep any part of his life straight. When the aftermath of a one-night stand goes awry, Dean is dragged kicking and screaming out of his cozy little closet and into the harsh light of reality.

Enter: Castiel Novak, the new history teacher, who knows full well that life gets crappy when you don't allow yourself to live it in the way it needs to be lived.

there aren’t a lot of stories that deal with themes of mental illness, and a lot of them read like an episode of degrassi where everything wraps up in 30min to never be discussed again. this story is honest in that there’s no easy out. there’s medication and therapy and supportive people, but that’s not always enough. it’s a story about how you don’t have to be mentally ill to be fucked up, and while people can’t fix each other, they can help each other. content note: references to a pre-story suicide attempt.

Oddly Shaped Empty by jemariel

Dean grew up thinking -- knowing -- he'd be an alpha.

Until he failed to present. As a beta, he has no mating cycle, no noticeable pheromones, none of the physical markers that are so important in a world of alphas and omegas. He's out of place. How is he supposed to navigate his relationships and find love when he doesn't fit into the neatly-defined boxes he's used to?

By the time he meets his new roommate, Castiel, he's more or less given up on finding a mate. He wears his secondary gender like a chip on his shoulder. But you never know what the future holds, who will come into your life, and how they might change it forever.....

Queer themes, finding identity, reconciling the past, and a whole lot of smut.

y’all know @jemariel is a gd genius, but i’m particularly obsessed with their fics that use abo to explore queer identify & experiences. i hold my breath reading most of this fic and also cry.

Steal my Breath by Sincestiel

“Tighter, Dean, please,” Cas urges throwing his head back to rest on Dean’s shoulder. Dean squeezes. He doesn’t know why Cas wants this or even what the appeal is, but he always comes harder when he’s struggling to breathe.

what’s on the tin. a quick lil breathplay fic that is thoroughly enjoyable.

Unsolicited by Dangerousnotbroken

In which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it's a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it's clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There's absolutely no way it's actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

this is a destiel classic and i feel like anyone who isn’t new here has probably read it. but here’s your reminder that this is a great fic and you should (re)read it.

Wordplay by Dangerousnotbroken @dangerousnotbroken

“I don’t understand why talking dirty is such a big deal for you humans,” Cas complains, apropos of nothing.

it’s a “cas learning about sex” and also dirty talk, which are both things i’m really into!! and DNB is a genius so that’s even better.

if you enjoy these fics (and you should), please give the writer some love via kudos and/or comments. <3

ps - as always, if i didn’t tag the writer and you know their tumblr, please tag in the comments. i don’t think there’s a writer alive who wouldn’t be happy to be on a rec list. :)

#sharklist #sharkrecs

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

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