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#nct blurb
yongislong · 1 year
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skin ship + dreamies.
wc/genre: idk, pretty short though, fluff, suggestive.... lmao established relationships with nonidol!dreamies! reqs openn
cw/note: none! late night post, not requested but i had this idea while studying bc... shit has been going on in my life and i! need! comfort! lmk what you think, masterlist is on my page, take care of urselves, i am in no way saying love can cure mental illness in any of my posts btw! i thought i'd just clarify lol
mark... he's so touchy with you and he's such a nerd about it LOL, he loves you and freaks out. like yes he's confident don't get me wrong but once he sees you and realizes that he has you, he pounces. he hugs you so hard people might think you'd disappear. it's always so full of love and he has a geeky smile and you can hear his breathy giggles in your ear. also likes pulling your toes when you're on your bed scrolling in PEACE. he does it so hard and you never fail to fly off wherever you're sitting to chase him across the apartment. cheek pincher on the low. honestly loves any skin ship under the sun. especially on any exposed skin, smooches <3 shoulder kiss enthusiast and he's very good at it :') likes catching you off guard with any skin ship. pulls you tight whenever you sleep
renjun... hand tracing dear god. he loves your hands, no matter what they look like. YES i know its cliche but he loves messing with your rings, painting your nails, etc. he thinks he's being so slick and cool but he's so cute about it because he also doesn't care, like he has no reason to not show you how beautiful he believes every part of you is. sometimes he doesn't even notice, he just takes ahold of your wrists or forearm and drapes it on his lap. maybe he likes to put his fingers in ur mouth I DON'T KNOW??? esp when you wave ur finger in his face... not super touchy when cuddling but you always end up with his hand in yours. sometimes switches rings with you and doesn't notice until he's taking off his jewelry to go to bed and he's giggling into his hand like an 8 year old lol. likes pinching the skin on your upper back and thighs. finds comfort in tracing his fingertips on your collarbones before bed, helps you both fall asleep fast
jeno... god he's such a hip guy. loves a cheeky lil slap on the butt at any time of the day OFC but also just likes having his hands on your hips, likes to feel ur hipbones/curves y'know. you're so beautiful to him. he always pretends to get the wind knocked out of him when he sees u... hes so cheesy. sometimes when you're watching a movie he sits you between his legs and innocently snakes one finger under your clothes to feel the skin on the expanse on your upper hip and stomach. he loooves stomachs. especially if they're soft or not defined like those old greek paintings, he likes how different you feel from him if that makes sense.... bc he's lean. unless you're lean too he kinda gets fomo like damn did you hit the gym without him lol. also a cheek pincher, just likes messing with your face in general. cute sleeper, tucks you under his chin, ends up with his head under your shirt bc he gets cold at night and is always so surprised when he wakes up pfft. also an upper arm rubber. pls trace your finger on his nose brige.
haechan... mf. any skin ship have you seen this man. i will say the skin ship he has with you and the way he goes about it is different because he wants to make it a point that yes, he's touchy but only you get certain privileges or touches. especially when you two are alone. he likes to look at you while you sleep, not in a weird way he just likes that this is the one time you let him play with your hair and kiss your fingertips without you bursting into shy giggles. a lot of people think he would be a goofy bf and yeah that's true but he wants to so badly do well in this relationship. he cares about you so much. some nights when he looks at you he's thinks he just might cry. gives you lots of typical skin ship but also just is super domestic and sweet and considerate of your feelings. LOOVES, loves and i mean adores hiding his face in the crook of your neck, likes your natural scent sm, makes him smiley.
jaemin... like haechan he likes to watch you when you sleep but in the morning instead, when he wakes up before you. likes whispering things to you about how gorgeous he thinks you are and how can someone look so pretty when they've been tossing and turning all night. smiles to himself always. pokes your cheeks especially when you're puffy and sleepy. his favorite type of skin ship is pulling your cheek. he also likes brushing up your brows and running his thumb on your lower lip. gosh he's just so so sweet. he's obsessed with you in the best way. likes being around you. hand on the waist when he's trying to maneuver himself behind you to reach for his toothbrush in the bathroom > AGH. has no limits to how touchy he is in his mind. like if you are equally as touchy or just enjoy skin ship and don't mind him giving you puppy dog eyes through the mirror as he brushes your hair, its an easy open for him to do what he wants with you. I KNOW this is kinda all over the place but just imagine someone being in absolute adoration of you, your body, your skin, your face in a non creepy way LOL etc, etc. very wholesome
chenle... waist holder. oh MY god. he's not really touchy, in my opinion and from what i've seen, but he is a clinger. he likes skin ship mostly and only if he gets to initiate it. makes him feel manly muahaha. dont get me wrong, adores you doing slight skin ship with him but when he gets to tuck you under him at night or is able to trace the underside of your jaw. OH MY GOD he loves putting his finger under your chin to lift your face to look up at him please??? is so cocky about this and even if you're taller or his height, he loves to catch you when you're sitting down and it never fails to make you lose your mind. yeah yeah he likes it when you touch his neck, he's corny like that. laying your hand on his chest when you kiss GOD??? he combusts every time. it's moments like these where he doesn't mind you initiating touches bc it makes him feel special and wanted. please give him attention when you've seen he's had a hard day. he never knows how to ask for you, but now you've gotten into the swing of being around each other and learning what each other likes when it comes to skin to skin contact.
jisung... another fucking cheek poker dude. can never grasp the fact that yeah, you're sitting next to him, willingly watching his favorite movie with him, sharing a blanket, with the fresh cookies you made. wants to make sure you're real so he pokes you. he doesn't think he doesn't deserve you he just, is so proud of himself for bagging you and needs to make sure he isn't lucid dreaming LOL. ya'll need to wake up, yeah jisung has probably never had a relationship up until you but oh... oh once he learns how to fluster you, its like he hit the jackpot. knows how much you like him kissing the top of your spine before bed and you learned that tugging on the hairs and the nape of his neck has earned you several reactions in the past. its a very sweet and intimate relationship, watching the both of you test the waters with shy pecks or head pats until you finally date for long enough that he fully feels confident falling asleep on your chest with his arms caging around your waist. likes pretty basic skin ship, he't not a poet or anything yknow LMAO so expect a lot of neck pecks, head pats, hugs where he shifts his weight in between his feet and rocks you back and forth, he's just a sweetie
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whereisten · 6 months
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Promises
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Part 1 | Part 2 | more coming soon
“I make no promises, I can't do golden rings, but I'll give you everything tonight”
Pairing: Mafia Leader!Jaehyun x female reader (cafe owner)
Genre: Friends to lovers au, fluff, smut and angst
Warnings: gun and violence mention, blood mention, stalking, unprotected sex, slight choking kink, slight impregnation kink, oral sex (female receiving), rough sex, overstimulation
Word Count: 6.5k
((A/N: this is a short fic series inspired by the song “Promises” by Calvin Harris & Sam Smith. It's been some time! Y/N is now a bakery shop owner! I hope you enjoy this short series, I believe there will be four parts. If you're a jujutsu kaisen fan, the Geto version will be added to our ao3 :)))
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[2 Months Later]
It’s 10:30 PM, the chairs are up and you’ve just about finished mopping the floor. Jaehyun sighs and leans back into the driver’s seat of his car. He’d been watching you every night since he left. He couldn’t stand to not be near you, or to not make sure you were out of harm's way once you left work and walked home at late hours.
If he hadn’t messed up that night, if he hadn’t been vulnerable with you and given into his heart's desires life a selfish, touch-starved man, he would still have a friend. He could keep you company when you closed the bakery, and talk to you about everything. Just like the days before that night.
You lock the front door with your keys, and start your journey home. 
You sigh, dragging your hand bag over your shoulders and buttoning your coat. “Well, at least there’s no rain tonight.” Your eyes and legs are tired, and all you want to do is climb into bed and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate, maybe you’ll watch a movie. You put your headphones in and fix your hands into the coat pockets
You’re about halfway into your 25 minute walk when Jaehyun notices two men following you. As usual, he drives slowly, and without his headlights on the dark road so you don’t suspect being followed. The two men walked out of an alleyway as if they were waiting for you to pass them. Jaehyun’s brows furrow. He knew you couldn’t hear their steps because you were listening to music, but how couldn’t you feel their presence?
“Shit.” He grumbles, knowing that he will have to make himself known if he is about to stop these men.
2 minutes later and they still huddle together while walking behind you, however, you bop your head to a new song just released by your favorite k-pop group.
“Oooo I’ll have to add this one.” You say to yourself, adding the song to your Bakery’s playlist on Spotify. By the time you look back up, you see a car swerve right in front of you.
“Holy-“
“Get in!” Jaehyun unlocks the door of his coupe, which is now perpendicular to the sidewalk, blocking you in with no choice but to get in.
Your look of shock turns into one of disdain. You take your headphones out. “You’ve got some nerve.”
You walk in front of the car and flash both middle fingers before continuing home.
Jaehyun curses under his breath, swerving the car back into the street to drive beside you.
“Listen, let’s talk about it, okay? You just need to get in right now, I’ll take you home.”
“I don’t even know who you are.” You roll your eyes.
“Y/n! Stop fucking around! Get in!”
“Hey hey hey…no need to get aggressive, man…she said she’s not interested.” A strange voice says from behind you.
Before you can turn around to see his face, he drapes a heavy arm over your shoulders to stop you from walking any longer.
“Leave her alone…she told you to get lost.” Another man speaks, your eyes widen.
“You alright, sweetheart?” They turn to you, your heart begins to race as you get an immense feeling of dread.
Jaehyun quickly puts the car in park and jumps out. He walks towards them as they pull you back. “Get off of her.”
You reach out for him with pleading eyes. “J-“ you start, but you feel something circular pressing into the small of your back.
“Oh no, we’re saving her from you, she’ll be perfectly fine once you’re gone.” The man chuckles.
“Tell him to get lost or we’ll put a hole in you.” The other whispers into your ear.
You gasp and look back up at Jaehyun.
“Fuck off dude, you’re a creep. Isn’t he, sweetheart?” He presses it in more.
“I-I’m fine, just go away!” You look at Jaehyun in hopes that he will listen, one wrong move and it could be either of you with a new bloody hole to model.
Jaehyun lowers his hand and nods. “Okay.” He walks away and jumps back into the car. You feel a sense of relief, but it's short-lived as you are now subject to whatever these men want to do with you. You feel disappointment and despair. Did Jaehyun really give up on you that easily? Could he really abandon you in this moment when you needed him the most?
The men drag you back into a dark alleyway.
“Please! Leave me alone! Don’t kill me!” You beg for your life in hopes that they will just leave you alone, that they’ll have a sudden change of mind. But deep down you know they’ve been planning, they’ve finally caught a victim and don’t plan on stopping now.
They only laugh and tie your hands together behind you while you sob and plead.
“Quiet down, sweetie, you’ll live but only if you shut the hell up.”
One of the men says before throwing you into the brick wall. You grunt as you feel your back collide with the rough surface.
The man is about to say something else when you hear a sharp, high-pitched noise echo into the night. You shut your eyes, flinching when you feel blood splatter across your face.
When you open them you see the body of one of the men laid out right in front of you, a small hole in his forehead gushing out blood as his blank eyes stare at you. You scream, and the other man grabs your coat, yanking you in front of him before pressing a gun to your temple.
“Who the fuck is there?! I’ll shoot her right now!” He looks around anxiously.
The alleyway is completely dark, you can’t see anyone, but the man backs away thinking that the shot came from the right side.
He stumbles over his friend's body, releasing his tight grip on you in the process. You take it as your chance to run away. He tries to run after you, “Hey you bitch!, get back-“
Before he can finish, another shot goes off. The man lets out a blood curdling scream and drops to the ground. You quickly turn around, panting as you see his shadow finally come to light.
Jaehyun.
Your dark-haired savior walks slowly towards the crying man with a sniper gun in his hand. He lugs it around like it's nothing, but based on the length, noise, and precise shots, you know it’s heavy. You swallow hard as you watch his menacingly large figure create an engulfing shadow over the man.
As he walks under a street light that the man has dragged himself to, you see a completely unfamiliar look on Jaehyun’s face. He’s angry, no.. he’s outraged, and the dark glare in his eyes makes your heart race. Is it because he’s hot, or is it because he’s terrifying? You’re not sure.
Nonetheless, he doesn’t give the man a chance to beg. He cocks his gun and shoots his other kneecap. The man places both hands over it and cries out while laying on his back.
“No!! Please don’t! I’m sorry, we weren’t gonna hurt her!” The man cries out when he sees the grim face of Jaehyun looking down on him as he crawls away.
Jaehyun cocks his sniper gun again.
You finally snap out of your daze and run towards him. “No stop! Don't do this!” You yell out.
Jaehyun doesn’t respond to neither you nor him, he only aims for the crying man’s crotch area. He shoots him again and cocks his gun. The man struggles to back away from him as he aims it at his head. 
Jaehyun is so furious, not a word escapes him, he only feels rage and sees red. 
But just as he’s about to pull the trigger again, you jump onto the ground in between the gun and the man.
“Jaehyun! Stop! Please, he’s learned his lesson.” You pant, your arms till aching as they are tied behind your back.
“Move.” Jaehyun’s tone is dark, you don’t even recognize him.
You swallow hard, hoping you can get through to him. “Jaehyun..it’s not worth it, the police are gonna be here any second now, just leave.”
“I said move. I’m gonna blow his head off.”
“No! I won’t allow you to! This ends now.”
Jaehyun’s voice raises. “They put their hands on you! They were going to hurt you! They deserve nothing but pain!” 
“Yes! I agree, but you’ve done enough! Get out of here!”
Suddenly, police sirens start to get louder, it's as if someone called them after hearing the shots.
“Jaehyun..help me, please.” You look up with wide eyes, and finally, Jaehyun snaps out of it.
He finally puts his gun by his side and leans down to help you up. 
He looks back at the man and kicks his head hard, leaving him crotchless and bleeding out on the dirty ground alone.
The two of you run back to Jaehyun’s car.
 He helps you into the passenger seat before jumping in and speeding away.
“Jaehyun, what the hell! You–you just killed someone.” You cry as he drives maniacally to your place.
“Are you okay?” He ignores your panic.
“Okay? Okay?! No I’m not fucking okay, Jaehyun, I just witnessed a murder! There’s- there’s blood all over me!” 
Once at a stop light, he takes his pocket knife out and cuts your zip ties. 
“Are you hurt?” He asks as he examines your soft face and body.
You sigh and look into his worried eyes. Damn it, why did he have to look at you like you’re his world? “I’m..listen I’m fine, but what you did was not okay, you just killed-“
“It’s what I do y/n.” He says lowly, calmly, but with a scary tone. The light turns green and he continues driving. The street lights illuminate his sharp features and you feel your heart drop. The man you had a deep longing for lived to kill, and killed to live, that’s the reality of it. He had no regrets whatsoever after taking a human life.
This was normal for him.
His fist tightens around the steering wheel. Your eyes catch a glimpse of the thick veins in his arms. “If something happened to you..I couldn’t live with myself..I’m sorry you had to see that, but it was necessary.”
He looks at you then quickly looks away, hiding how his eyes started to fill with water. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You’re just trying to get home after a long day of work. What if he wasn’t there to save you? What if he lost you? And he realizes once again why you two could never date. You’re nowhere near ready to see him for who he truly is.
You take a deep breath and relax into your seat, resting your elbow on the door. Your fingers shakily press against your temple as you look out of the window . “Jaehyun..you can’t protect me from the world..you can’t just hover around and follow me everywhere.”
“Why the hell not?” His nose scrunches.
You flick your head towards him. “Because you’re not my boyfriend! You yourself said you regretted ever meeting me, you never wanted to see me again, and yet, here you are swooping in like fucking Batman!”
Jaehyun clenches his jaw and abruptly parks his car outside of your apartment building. 
“I mean nothing to you..you should start acting like I don’t.” You look down at the floor and say sternly.
He sighs. “Y/n..I—didn’t..” he stumbles over his words as you sit there in silence.
You look back up at him, and he wants to hug you, he wants to hold you and get lost in your beautiful eyes. He takes a moment to breathe in your scent, still fresh and pretty after a long day at work. 
“What?” You watch him as he stares.
He sighs and looks out of the window. “You can get out now.”
You purse your lips and nod, tears threatening to escape. “...the next time I see you outside of my job, I’m going to call the police.” All this time, you knew he was watching. 
Jaehyun turns back to you with a puzzled expression. Night after night, you’d seen his black sports car parked a few feet away from the bakery. You knew he was there, and you never approached him about it. 
You look into his eyes before opening the door and stepping out. Jaehyun doesn’t protest as you slam the door and head inside.
Once he sees your apartment light turn on, he drives away, angry at himself once again. What if someone saw him with you? What if they knew he had a weakness and knew where that said weakness lived?
He lays in his bed after taking a hot shower and falls asleep quickly. 
“Jaehyun..”
“Hnnn..” His eyes struggle to open.
“Jaehyun..baby.”
“Yes…hmmm.”
“Need you..” 
Jaehyun hears your soft voice and feels your warmth. He opens his heavy eyes to see that he’s back in his car. This time he’s in the backseat with you beside him. 
“Y/n..” He rubs his thumb over your cheek to check if you’re really there. You lean in and look into his eyes before kissing him deeply while closing your eyes. 
 Jaehyun turns his head and groans into your mouth as his tongue traces over your smooth lips. Cherry. The same cherry balm he tasted when kissed your lips the first time. 
The hunger in his chest grows, he grabs you by the waist and brings onto his lap, your arms still tied behind you as you moan. He handles you like it’s nothing, pushing your skirt up your hips and to your waist before pulling you down harder onto him. 
He releases your lips finally, a string of spit dropping down your chin as you whimper. He pulls his pocket knife out and quickly cuts the fabric of your underwear, a move that has your skin riddled with goosebumps in no time.
He looks at the knife, thinking about how he should also cut your zip ties, but also thinking of how he doesn’t really want to. Something about you being bound, restricted, and doomed to ride him until you swelled with his offspring made everything hotter to him.
He looks up at you while brushing his fingers over your opening. It's silky with your essence, already building just from your kiss. You throw your head back and start to grind onto them as he teases you. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, gazing up at your angelic face. He swears he’s already in heaven.
His fingers finally enter you, a high-pitched moan escaping you once you feel them stretching you out. 
“I-I’m ready!” You move faster, finding it hard to hold back as you’re so wound up already.
He pulls his fingers out and wraps his arm around you to guide you down onto him. “Good girl…almost there.” He whispers while watching you take him in.
The sight is so satisfying, he doesn’t know if he’ll last all night. You gasp once his tip kisses your sweet spot, but you continue to move up and down like you did with his fingers.
You move easily, your essence and his pre cum being all the lubricant you need to fit him inside repeatedly. He groans, rubbing his large hands along your thighs.
“So—good, I can’t” You struggle to move steadily with your arms tied behind you, you’re close, but getting weaker. You close your eyes as tears escape.
He tilts your chin, forcing you to open your eyes and look down at him. “Don’t slow down, baby, you want me to fill you up right? Well, keep going.” He chokes you slightly as you whimper. 
“Yes..please cum with me..” 
He could see your breasts bouncing under your button down dress shirt from work, he could see them pop open one by one as you bounced faster. And your pussy, so warm, so tight around him. He can feel his tip twitch as you clench around him, threatening to coat your walls at any moment now.
“Oh my.. GodI!” Your head falls back. Sweat runs down into the crevice of your breasts. He grabs your waist with both hands, taking over to slam you down onto him at a faster pace. He thrusts into you aggressively, chasing after a high that he knows he’ll remember well after tonight.
If you thought you could drop him after this, you’d be so wrong. He’d never been happier, never been hungrier, never been more anxious to fuck someone into oblivion like this. He could keep going if you let him. He’d have to recover quickly just so he can do it all over again in minutes, it would be difficult, but it’s not impossible.. He had to do it for you.
“Cum for me, baby, I know you want to....yes good girl, so tight for me.” He pants, his voice is gravelly.
“Jaehyun!” You cried out one final time before his eyes flew open. 
No. 
Jaehyun looks up at his ceiling and feels his bed under him. It’s wet with his sweat.
His chest is heaving and his dick is painfully hard, sticking straight into the sheet above him. “Shit. It felt so real.” 
He closes his eyes and rounds his fist around his dick to relieve himself, still imagining you clenching around him so beautifully while in his car.
He groans and wipes his forehead once he’s done. “This is gonna be hard.” He knows he should respect your wishes to not see him again, but deep down he knows he will have to. He knows he’s in too deep, and letting go is impossible at this point.
[One Month Later]
Jaehyun tries to let you go, he doesn’t watch you anymore..well, not every night at least.
He told himself he was getting better, and if “getting better” included installing a tracking device on your cell phone to follow you instead of watching you outside work, then yes, yes he was “getting better.”
A guy in his gang that acted as a hacker sent a virus to your phone through a text message pretending to be a K-pop album sale link. And just as he expected, you got too excited and clicked it without thinking. By the time you realized it was a scam, it was too late. He was in. You shrugged your shoulders and went about your day like nothing happened.
He didn’t track you every day but just knowing that he could when he wanted to was enough for him.
He had just welcomed a shipment with his guys, when he decided to take a break and check on you. His brows furrow when he notices you’ve stopped by a particular place between home and work once again. What could this place be? A new friend? Or.. a new man? No, you wouldn’t do that to him..or would you?
He jumps into his car and tells his guys to finish everything up before speeding away.
When he gets to his apartment, he looks the address up and finds that it’s an apartment building that belongs to a wealthy banker.
He bites his lip as he contemplates what on Earth you could want with a banker.
He relaxes into his computer chair and shrugs it off. He shouldn’t be intruding like this, it isn’t right. He’ll let you handle whatever it is you’re doing. It must be important and necessary. So he doesn’t let it bother him…that is until one day when you have a date with the man.
He watched you go out with the banker that aged you by at least 15 years. You wore a gorgeous red silk dress and did your hair up. Your skin looked immaculate and your smile shone brightly in the dim lighting of the restaurant. He watched from outside, holding himself back from marching in there and crashing the date. If Mr. Bank thought he was gonna get lucky tonight, he was very wrong.
You smile and laugh with him so much, Jaehyun can’t take it any more. He drives away.
A few hours later, you enter your apartment and kick your heels off. You shimmy your coat off before walking into the kitchen to get yourself some water. 
“Where were you?” A deep voice asks from the shadows of your kitchen.
You jump up and walk backwards. “WHO-“
Jaehyun steps out with arms crossed and knitted brows. His hair is styled back to reveal his forehead, and grey shadow rests under both eyes like he hasn’t slept in days.
He still looks handsome though, his black T-shirt clinging onto his toned biceps.
“Jesus Christ!! Jaehyun WHAT THE HELL?” You quickly turn the light switch on then turn to your handbag, fumbling around for your pepper spray.
“It’s 3 fucking A.M. and you’re just now getting home.” He tilts his head, confused as to why you act like he’s intruding.
Your mouth falls open, the audacity of this man.
“Are you crazy? That’s it, I’m calling the police.” You reach for your cell phone in your bag, but as you search for it, Jaehyun walks up to you and grabs your wrist.
He quickly places your hand behind your back and backs you into the wall.
Your eyes widen as he towers over you. 
“Answer the question first.” He grumbles, looking down on you like you’re some kind of criminal that’s been caught stealing.
You shake your head and gasp. “I don’t have to answer to you! I’m a grown woman!”
Jaehyun smirks as his eyes trace downward, floating from your lips to your neck and finally to your pronounced cleavage.
“This is a really nice dress, y/n, did he like it?” His eyes are filled with fire and jealousy. He looks almost disgusted as he thinks about you giving your body to someone else.
Your eyebrows raise. “You’re still following me? You’re insane!” You struggle to pull your hand away, but you pound against his chest with your other hand. He quickly grabs it by the wrist and places it above your head, like it’s nothing. His neck cranes down to get closer to your face.
“Let me go!” you yell. 
He shakes his head. “Not until you answer me.”
“Somebody help me!”
He can’t help but chuckle. “Even if someone comes, do you really think they can help you? Do you want to watch another person die, y/n?”
You swallow hard, and even though he is frightening at this moment, you feel hot and lustful with the amount of power he has over you.
“What’s your problem? First, you say you regret meeting me, and now, you’re following me every day! I can't keep doing this! So what if I moved on? Yeah I fucked another man, now what? You gonna kill me?”
Jaehyun flips you around so he’s pressed against your back and you’re pressed in with both hands held by him.
You grunt as your cheek hits the wall.
Jaehyun leans into your ear and whispers. “Mr. Bank loves that cheap cologne on his dresser. I see him use it every day. But it’s funny because I don’t smell it on you. And that’s how I know you’re lying.”
Chills run up your spine.
“W-we took a shower together, did you forget that I like doing it that way?” You smirk. Jaehyun’s grip tightens as he becomes even more infuriated.
You were lying, but you liked to see him get riled up, maybe just maybe, he’d leave you alone so you could forget about him, so you didn’t have to touch yourself to the thought of him, so you didn’t have to look at the empty chair in your bakery in hopes of seeing him there one night.
“You’re intent on pushing my buttons..even with you pressed up against the wall..even with your hands behind your back. Aren’t you afraid of how bad it’ll get for you?” 
You chuckle. “Are you threatening me because I just had the best sex of my life?”
Jaehyun picks you up off of the wall and lays you down onto the counter face first with a hard push.
“The best huh?” He flips the bottom of your dress up to expose your ass in your thong. He then taps two fingers against your clothed folds, you jump slightly at the unexpected contact. “And yet..your panties are still intact and you’re walking just fine.” 
He continues to rub his fingers against you, pressing them in just barely. You whimper quietly. “Your skin is cold. Your thighs are dry and you’re reacting to my simple touch. You smell like you did the first time like grapefruit and berries..seems to me you’re just as untouched as the Virgin Mary.” 
Jaehyun whispers so deeply, you can’t help but grow wet. Damn it, he really knew you like the back of his hand.
“And if it was the best, why were you able to go back to your place? Why didn’t you just sleep there in hopes for round two?” He still drags his fingers in and out, teasing his digits along your opening by pushing them in slowly.
“Unlike you, he begged me to stay tonight but I told him “no, I have to be at work in the morning.” You let out, you try to have a sturdy voice as you slowly unreel from his long fingers.
“Please, y/n, the more you lie, the longer this will take. You’re not the whore you claim to be..” he whispers against the back of your neck, giving you chills once more, but you shake them off and speak strongly.
“You don’t know me! I did unimaginable things with him tonight!” You wiggle to try to escape him, but the strong 6-foot something man doesn’t budge.
“Oh is that so? Show me.” He leans back and presses your wrists down with one hand while unbuckling his belt with the other. He then ties your hands behind your back with it and steps back. He sits at your dining table and waits for you to walk over.
“I’d need my hands, Jaehyun.” You roll your eyes.
“Come on y/n, see how much you can do without them..” he taps his thigh.
You sigh and walk over to him. Why did he have this control over you? What if he just ends up leaving again?
“I shouldn’t do anything for you, you’re cruel.” 
Jaehyun’s low eyes trace over your body in the red silk dress as you walk over to him. “But are you doing anything for me, per se? No baby, you’re gonna use me to satisfy yourself after a disappointing date.”
His hands can’t help but find your waist. He forces you down onto his thigh but doesn’t do anything other than look into your wide eyes.
You look onto his neck and broad shoulders, you smell his simple and fresh cologne. You wish you could run your hands through his full head of hair and intertwine your fingers on it as you go dizzy.
He lets your waist go. “Or...you can just sit here and tell me you hate me. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, you know that.”
Your mouth falls open as you look at his lips.
“Go on..I’m listening.” He leans back and tilts his head slightly, looking down onto you with those low bedroom eyes. His gaze makes you tremble.
You’re so turned on from his touch, you continue moving against his thigh. He’d gotten you this far, why not finish it?
“I hate you because you won’t leave me alone. You send mixed signals. One day you want me, the next day you say it’s unrealistic to be with me. Make up your damn mind.” The friction of his thigh against your opening makes you light headed, but you push on.
“Before we do this again..I need to know what the hell you want from me, do you want me in your life or not?!”
“Y/n..of course I want you in my life...it’s just not safe for you..”
“Don’t you think I know that? I’ll be fine.”
He shakes his head. “I answered your question, you should answer mine..why are you home so late? What business do you have with that man?” He clenches his thigh and the sudden action makes you moan and shut your eyes tightly, you move faster.
“Jaehyun...it’s none of your business.”
He knew you were trying to get close to the bank manager so you could get another loan for your business, you needed to make improvements in the kitchen, decorations, flooring etc. and the money you made wasn’t cutting it. You figured that if you could find the right man to seduce, maybe you could get what you needed quickly.
Jaehyun knew this because he had seen the Google searches on your phone that went from “how to get a loan.” to “how to best seduce a man.” Hence, the red silk dress you wore, the glam hair, the intoxicating perfume that was quickly seducing even him as well, the high heels you wore to bring out your curves, and of course, the bra that made your cleavage noticeable to even the stars above.
“..let me protect you..and I’ll give you everything you need.” He kisses your neck and whispers into your ear while bringing one of your straps down your arm. He starts to kiss your shoulder.
You move faster on his thigh, swiveling your hips as his grip becomes tighter. “..that’s easier said than done..I want...I need to be completely yours, I don’t need a bodyguard.” You whimper and moan as he sucks your neck. Sweat builds onto your forehead.
“I don’t need your protection, I need your love.” You say breathily before finally releasing on his thigh. You rest your head on his shoulder, trembling while feeling your legs weaken.
He looks into your wet eyes and caresses your cheek while zipping down your dress with his other hand.
He then yanks your dress down to reveal your hard nubs. His hands cup your breasts, massaging them before tracing his thumbs over the peaks. “So beautiful, and only for me.”
He sucks them one by one, caressing them with one hand as the other grips your thigh, hard, so hard you know you’ll be sore for days. You groan in pain from his fingertips pressing in deep, and if your hands weren’t tied behind your back, you would’ve pushed him away.
He doesn’t let up, guiding your body forward and backward so you continue to leak all over his sweatpants. “Jaehyun!” You cry out in sensitivity, you cum again easily but he doesn’t stop. He won’t let you go, he continues to flick his tongue against your breasts. Your back arches, your clit is stimulated once more by his thigh, but it isn’t enough. 
He lifts you up easily and lays you down onto the table. He wants to make use of his time with you while you are bound, so he slowly drags your thong down your legs before throwing it to the side.
“Stay still..” he commands as your legs wiggle in an effort to get away from him. You whimper as he presses his fingers and thumbs into your thighs to spread you further apart.
He licks and sucks your clit as his fingers dive in deep. Your entrance, already sopping but welcoming him nonetheless. Your back arches again. “Jaehyun!” You cry out as you watch him devour you. His dark eyes lock with yours as he groans.
The tip of his tongue traces over your sweet spot as you throw your head back. You cum again, struggling to break out of his belt and grab his hair. He doesn’t stop, licking up everything that escapes as tears escape your eyes.
“Please.. I can’t- slower.” You plead, but he doesn’t care. He wraps his arms around your legs to keep them open and fixed around his head.
“Mmmm you taste so good, baby, and you’re all mine.” He chuckles then flattens his tongue against you.
He wants to make up for all the time he’d lost with you, he wants to consume you forever, to taste what he’s been craving all his life. He eats you out until you’re begging him to stop. Your wrists are tired of fighting against his belt, you try to kick his shoulders away again, but he simply smirks and grips your ankles tightly. 
“Don’t disobey me like that again, sweetheart.” His eyes dark and threatening as he looks up through his lashes.
You can’t stop moaning as your eyes roll to the back of your head and your back arches, threatening to snap completely.
He finally finishes when he’s had enough. He stands up from the chair, flipping your body over and lifting one of your legs over the table. He pushes the waistband of his pants down, releasing his hard member and grabs your waist. He runs his cock against your slit, parting it slightly with the head to gather your slick. 
“Gonna be a good girl for me right? Gonna follow my orders and cum when I tell you to?” He asks lowly.
“Yes! Yes..Jaehyun..I need-“
He pulls you into him, your ass shakes as you moan. The angle created by one leg lifted drives you crazy as he pushes himself deeper and deeper. You can’t stop yourself from clenching.
“Fuck..so good..cum with me, don’t let anything escape..I wanna see you hold it in for me..”
He buries himself in deep with each stroke, allowing you to feel every judge and vein as he runs his dick against your velvety walls. The table shakes with each thrust, he groans when he feels you clenching again. He moves faster, pressing his hand into the small of your back to keep you still. 
“Yes, don’t..stop!” You release onto him and chant his name as he moves in and out slowly.
“That’s it..such a good girl for me..” he rubs your clit to coax another orgasm out of you despite you being sensitive. 
You can feel his abs on your back, you can’t take anymore. You open your hands and try to push him away. He pushes in deep to make you squirm. “Give me one more, okay..you’re my slut tonight, gonna do whatever I say, right?”
“Jaehyun!” Your hands fail to apply any pressure.
He chuckles. “Are you disobeying me? Tsk tsk..you act like you can’t take it, yet you’re gripping me like it’s yours..”
He rubs his fingers in circles with more force and you can feel your essence dripping down your legs continuously now.
He thrusts faster and harder, the entire table moves as he pounds you like there’s no tomorrow. “Cum with me..cum with me right now..I’m gonna fill you up so you don’t forget who owns this pussy. so full..so warm, you’ll never give it to anyone else, that’s a fucking order, understand?..”
You can’t think clearly, you become dizzy. 
Jaehyun grabs your waist tightly to slam your ass against his pelvis and reaches his other hand around your throat to choke you. “Y/n! Do you understand?!” 
You struggle to breathe,  but nod and cum again. ”y-yes! Yes, oh my god!”
A loud groan leaves him while his movement stutters. He collapses on top of you as he empties himself finally.
After a few minutes, he sits back into the chair, turns you around and brings your limp body onto his lap as you pant. He holds you close by wrapping you in his arms, tracing his fingers delicately against your spine. 
“Jaehyun..just let me love you..please.” You rest your head onto his shoulder.
He does love you, everything about you makes him ache, you make him soft and remind him that he has a heart. He’d let his mind wander too many times, he let himself think of a world where the two of you could live together, have a few pets, get married, have kids..all sorts of “regular” things.
But love? Jaehyun is left speechless, he doesn’t know what to say, but he also doesn’t want to break your heart again. He was beyond worried for you. He unbuckles his belt from your wrists and helps you up.
He stands the both of you up then sits you back down. He looks down at you as you wait for his answer with pleading, wet eyes.
He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” He fixes his pants.
You stand up on wobbly legs, take his head into your hands and kiss him hard. “You don’t have to be sorry, just give us a chance.” You say once you break the kiss.
He kisses you back before pulling away “I can’t.” 
Your mouth falls open in shock. “What exactly am I to you? Just a quick fuck and nothing else? Just tell me!” You turn away from him.
He feels his heart break again. “No! No..you’re much more than that..it’s-“
You turn back to him. “What? What the hell is it, Jaehyun?”
“I-I don’t know, I have to go.” He can’t look into your eyes anymore.
“No..don’t.” You grab his hand and tug him back. “Not again.”
“Y/n..I’m ....” he closes his eyes and shakes his head, keeping you from seeing the tears in his eyes. Why was he getting emotional?
The truth was Jaehyun had heard those exact words before. 
“no..don’t” 
It was the last thing his mom said to him. He was 16 and hell bent on doing his own thing. He ran away from home and decided to live a life of crime. He was stupid and broke her heart in the process, leaving her to die at home alone a few months later. At 12 years old, he had made a promise to protect and care for her when his father abandoned the two of them to take care of his other family.
Jaehyun needed to make more money and by the time he was 16, his friend offered an opportunity to make more money than he could ever imagine. It’s what he needed to do for himself and his mom, or at least that’s what he thought at the time. He didn’t know that all his mom wanted was for him to be safe and to grow up as a hardworking man she could be proud of. He disappointed her..and he feared he’d disappoint you too one day.
You sigh and let him go. “I don’t hate you Jaehyun, I just don’t understand you..”
He turns away from you to not show weakness once again. “I wish I understood myself, I wish I didn’t hurt you.” He leaves, slamming the door shut as you sink down into the chair.
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renjunphile · 1 year
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if my wishes came true, it would have been you | mark lee
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PAIRING ✧ nct's mark lee x female reader WORD COUNT ✧ 12.0k TAGS ✧ idol!mark x idol!reader, exes!au, exes to lovers!au, really quite angsty, happy ending, fluff, non-linear narrative
PLAYLIST aka SONGS BY YN ✧ the 1 by taylor swift ; 21 by gracie abrams ; i miss you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams ; champagne problems by taylor swift ; in between by gracie ambrams ; somebody by hwasa and loco ; i know it won't work by gracie abrams, dancing with our hands tied (acoustic) by taylor swift
SUMMARY ✧ persist and resist the temptation to ask if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? (alternatively, every single time you and mark get a chance to talk about your breakup, it never goes as planned)
-
MAY 2021
"NCT are here."
You hum along to the track blasting in your left ear through the singular airpod. It's the first day of your comeback promotions, and while you should feel confident from the many months you'd practiced the song every single day for multiple hours, no amount of time could ever erase the nerves you feel each comeback day.
You're already finished with your hair and makeup, being the first to sit in the chair to give your members some time to wake up from their naps in the van. Though you should all be bright, awake, and preppy for your comeback stage, the reality was that all of you were obliteratingly tired from the near all-nighter in the practice room. Your makeup artists are true magicians for the way they cover up all signs of tiredness even under all those harsh, bright stage lights.
"Unnie, did you hear me?" your youngest member Kali poked your arm incessantly.
"Kali, stop," you whine, pushing her finger away, "I heard you."
"So why didn't you react?"
"Why should I?" you sigh, pausing the track on your phone.
She pauses for a while, choosing to craft her words before replying too hastily, "We should still go and say hi. Haechan is asking if we wanna film a TikTok with them."
"You know they only post with SM idols," you remind her.
"You were in SM too. It's just for fun," she mumbles, "You know how many idols feature on Haechan's private account. Please come."
"You're up to no good, Kali," you squint at her suspiciously, watching the room carefully to see if anyone had overheard. It wasn't really a big deal; all your managers were well-informed, just like your members, and your stylists were basically your friends.
"I already talked to our manager and Haechan talked to their manager," Kali wrapped her fingers around your wrist delicately, but pulling to encourage you to stand up, "Let's go."
The walk to the hallway where the NCT members agreed to meet the two of you wasn't exactly a long one, but the rumblings of nerves bubbling in your stomach made it feel like a million years. You weren't stupid; you knew exactly what to expect and you wouldn't put it past your maknae to meddle in a time like this.
"Oh look, they're here already," Kali was biting a grin behind her words as 3 figures came into view. Haechan gives you a warm smile and a famous bear hug before he was shoved away. 
"Noona," you resist a pout as one of the boys you had been taking care of since you were younger wrapped you up in a big hug, "Haven't seen you in so long. Missed you."
"Missed you too Ji. You grow an inch every time I see you," you also resist the urge to ruffle up his perfectly styled purple hair out of fear of getting hunted by his hair stylist, "I like this purple on you."
He gives you an appreciative grin and somehow you still see him as the tiny, shy boy running energetically around the halls of the company building after being chased by his fellow trainees. Jisung moves on to greet your member, who was still in conversation with Haechan.
It's definitely not that you dread having to face Mark Lee. It's totally not the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend. Or the fact that you're still in love with him. Or the fact that he's still in love with you. No, none of that.
Totally.
"You look really pretty, Y/N," he begins slowly, taking in your appearance in front of him, having not seen each other for a few months.
Mark Lee stands in front of you stoic, hands by his side and feet together. It's almost like he's fighting his instinct to wrap you up in his arms like he's done most of his life because you sure know you're having to fight that instinct too.
"Thanks, Mark. I like your blue hair," you smile softly, "How are you?"
"I'm good. Amazing, even. I guess," he's mumbling, running his hands through said hair you just complimented and you can tell he's nervous, "I love the song. And the whole album. I can tell which songs you wrote. You always make me so proud."
Ouch. It stings your heart whenever he says things like that. How could you have let go of someone so sweet?
"Thanks. Congratulations on your first album and coming back with Dream."
"Ah, thanks. I fought so hard to come back to the group and I'm really happy they finally listened to me," he began, "You know how much I love them."
"Yeah, I know."
You're barely meeting his eyes, but when you do, it feels like he's hesitating in his words.
"Mark-"
"Happy birthday by the way," he rushes out, "For yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't text. Or call."
"It's okay," you reassure him, knowing that that was probably easier for you both that he didn't.
"How did you spend your birthday?"
"The members got me cake. Coffee, my favourite," you recount, "I did a live for a bit, but other than that we were practicing all day for today."
"Oh, I'm sorry. That really sucks," he frowns.
"You know how it goes. I'll have more birthdays to celebrate anyway-"
"But you didn't celebrate last year either!" he protests.
"Maybe next year, then," you pull your lips into a tight smile, "It's okay Mark. Don't worry about it. I'm not really fond of my birthdays anymore and 22's not a big deal."
He sighs while looking at you, "You deserve to celebrate your birthday no matter what. I hope you can find some time to do something  for yourself."
You chuckle lightly, "That'll be hard to come by. I don't know how you've done it with multiple groups all these years, Mark. I've only been debuted for three years and it's never got any easier. You were really stretching yourself thin, huh?"
"I guess," he's playing with his fingers, so you know he has something to say.
"Just say it, Mark. Whatever you want to say."
You can read him like a book and you've always been able to. It's not your fault that the book is wide open, as compared to the way you've always been- shut, bound, and locked.
"I just wanted to say I miss you. That's all. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Thanks to the secluded hallway that Haechan had found and led you to, the coast was clear enough for you to close the distance between you and Mark even just by a bit more. His breath hitches as you place a hand on his arm.
"Thanks for caring, Mark. I miss you too."
He smiles at you softly and the two of you are so engrossed in each other to notice that Kali, Haechan and Jisung had disappeared a while ago. You know it's time for you to go back though.
The worst part of the whole situation wasn't the breakup itself. Of course, the breakup hurt both of you for a long time and you don't even think you're recovered. It did happen over a year ago, but that wasn't the worst part.
The worst part is knowing that every time you meet again, walking away hurts more each time. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do but listen to your heart break with each step you take away from each other. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do about the fact that you still love each other more than anything else in this world.
-
2014
Mark Lee was known to be SM's golden child. In the future, he'd be known as the most over-worked in the company, due to his talents and resilience, but now, he's just Mark Lee, second to you.
You'd done everything before Mark. You were born first. You moved to Korea first. You beat him joining the company by 6 months and you beat him getting announced as part of SM Rookies just by 7 days.
None of that mattered because it was always just you and him together, wherever. Sure, you trained and practiced separately, but lunchtimes, downtimes, company gatherings- it was always the two of you attached to the hip. There was really nothing the company could say- the two of you were barely 15 so what was the worst you could do?
"How long do you think it'll be before your debut?" the two of you are lying down on the grass in a park a few minutes away from the building. His hands are rifling through the blades, yanking them up every so often, while you made daisy chains quietly.
He hums in response, "I don't know. Soon I hope, but I've only been here for like just over a year. Realistically, I'd say like 2 years. Don't tell anyone I told you, but I heard Johnny hyung talking to the manager about some kind of project that the company has been thinking of for a while. Something about having a group with infinite members!"
Your eyes widened at the thought, "Wow, really? EXO debuted with 12 and I thought that was a lot!"
"Yeah, right? But there are only like 9 of us in SM Rookies right now. How many do you think they'll start with and how am I going to get lines in a song if there's so many of us?"
You nudge him, "Well, with your awesome talent and writing skills of course. I can't wait to see what ends up happening to you guys- oh yeah, by the way, how's that new trainee you guys are training with? Donghyuck, right?"
"New?" he sat up with wide eyes, twisting his body to look at you, "He's been here for like 5 months and it's been the worst 5 months of my life! He's just so infuriating. His voice is amazing, sure, but he never listens and is always talking and hanging off me! I told him that he makes me want to leave the company."
You laugh at his frustrated expression, "Ha, you'd never leave the company. You'd never leave me behind. Plus, I bet you'll be best friends in a few years. Opposites attract and all that."
"Hm, but you and I are quite similar. Don't you think?"
There were definitely some traits that you shared to both be enduring the same path. Resilient, hard-working, brave, and enduring were all ones. After all, it's a big leap of faith to train to have the chance to be an idol just at 12 or 13 with no guaranteed future.
When it came down to it though, you'd like to think that there were also traits you each had that weren't always necessarily opposites all the time, but traits that complemented each other.
Mark liked to talk; you liked to listen. Mark was optimistic and would always be the one to cheer you up on your particularly moody days. You were Mark's calm through it all. Mark loved to rap; you found your passion in singing. Mark liked carrots and would take them off your plate in the cafeteria and swap them with his peas. Mark's hands were calloused from his guitar-playing, while yours were smooth and soft when he held them.
"No, I think we're the perfect example of opposites attract."
"Well then that's why you're my best friend," he grinned over at you while you slid a daisy chain bracelet onto his wrists, "Forever and whenever."
"Always," you grinned.
-
AUGUST 2021
"What are you doing here?"
"No happy birthday Mark?" he teases, holding a bouquet of flowers and a grocery store plastic bag in his hands on your doorstep.
"Come in before anyone sees you," you pull him inside your dorm, sticking your head out the hallway to see if it was empty, "How did you get here?"
"Relax, Y/N. My manager drove me and I was in all this," he pulls out a mask and a beanie from his pocket to show you.
"Oh, good. Happy birthday, I guess, but what are you doing here?" you question him again, looking at the contents in his grasp.
"Well, it all started when Hyuck said that we were throwing a birthday party for me. Then Jisung invited Kali and obviously, you too. And your members, of course. Then you said you couldn't come because you're busy," his eyes dart to the episode of Modern Family on your TV and the blanket lazily thrown on the couch, combined with your pajamas, "So I didn't want to come to the party anymore."
"But all my members are at your dorm," you frown, "There's still a party?"
"Yeah, I guess. Gives Jisung an opportunity to spend more time with his crush, which I'm sure Kali appreciates."
"So they're hosting your birthday party," you hum, "Without you? And you came here to what? Check that I'm busy?"
"I know you're not busy. Erin told me so, which I suspected anyway. I know it's kind of rude for me to come to force you to spend time with me when you didn't even want to come to my birthday party in the first place, but I thought I would try." he shrugs, "Is that okay?"
Mark is adorned in a white T-shirt and grey joggers. He's clearly not dressed for a party and your member clearly told him that you're staying inside and moping to your comfort show while you try to avoid your ex-boyfriend on his birthday. Plan failed, you guess.
Here's the thing: you've always been the worst at saying no to Mark. The one time you did, the world crashed around you. You would've thought it would have got easier to say no to him after already experiencing the worst-case scenario, but looking into his slightly pleading chocolate eyes shows you otherwise.
"Of course, Mark. You're the birthday boy," you finally say after a period of silence where Mark felt like his heart was thumping out of his chest.
"There's no one else I'd rather spend my birthday with," he hums lightly, even though his words are loaded, "Here, a big bouquet for missing last year too."
The tradition started on his 15th birthday in 2014. Even though it was his birthday, he had got you a bouquet of flowers to thank you for being his best friend of one year and making him feel all the more comfortable in his first year in Korea. You were his dance partner, his classmate, his fellow English speaker, and his best friend. He got you flowers again the next year, then the year after, and again and again for being his partner through everything.
The last birthday you shared with Mark before the two of you broke up was his 20th birthday in 2019 and he had prepared his own bouquet that year, choosing all your favourite flowers and colours and wrapping it all up himself. Mark was selfless like that- thinking of other people even on his birthday.
"It's beautiful," you examine the flowers- pink and red camellias and carnations, white primroses, pink peonies, red roses and baby's breaths. Taking that flower language course with Mark back when you were both 17 comes as a regret now, with the messages he's sending you through the bouquet. You hope it's just a coincidence.
"Anyway, I brought us- or I made my manager buy us- some Oreo ice cream, peanut butter chocolate, some ramen, and chicken and mushroom pastries," he grins as he pulls each one out of the bag, "And I brought cake, obviously."
You hold yourself back from saying what you would say every time he presented your favourite pastry from your childhood home to you- 'you know the way to my heart'.
"I haven't had one in so long," you gasp, taking it from him and preparing your plate already, "Thanks Mark. Why are you so considerate on your own birthday?"
"I like to celebrate the people I love on my birthday too. I wouldn't be me without them," he plops himself on the bar stool at your breakfast bar while you sigh hopelessly. He'll never leave your heart alone, "I wanted to soften the blow too."
You turn to him slowly, "Soften the blow?"
He sees the panic in your eyes and lets out that melodious laugh you've always loved, "Oh, nothing like that. Nothing to tell you. I just wanted to bribe you to talk to me on my birthday. I thought after over a year you might be ready to talk?"
"About what?"
"Us."
You thank the manufacturers of the heavenly pastry slice that only takes 90 seconds in the microwave. You set the plate down in front of Mark and take the seat next to him.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Are you still my best friend?"
"Mark, come on," you began warily, knowing the difficult conversation you were about to have.
He meets your eyes and you feel the pain reflected in them, "When we decided to give our relationship a try when we were 16, we pinky swore that no matter what happens, we'll always be best friends. Always. Right?"
You find the power to break his gaze and stare down to your hands on your lap, "We did."
"So, why can't we go back to being friends? I know, I know when you broke up with me, you said that you don't think we could stay friends. I understood, of course, and I wanted to give you some space. Well, at least initially, but it's been over a year now and I really miss us. Your friendship meant everything to me even if I can't have you as my girlfriend." his tone is heartbreaking in the way that it's vulnerable and pleading.
"I told you when we broke up that breaking up was the hardest choice I'd ever have to make. It blew the choice to leave SM out of the water. I didn't want to break up, but it felt like I had no choice," you explained slowly, "When we first started dating, I knew I already loved you, but growing up together and debuting and going through everything I went through really taught me what real love in real life looked like and I could never have predicted at 16 how I felt for you at 20. Mark, you're everything to me, I hope you know. I said I didn't want to be friends when we broke up because how could I have lived with myself seeing you and talking to you still knowing I had you in the way that I did and knowing I loved you that intensely but not being able to show it anymore? How could I live with myself still having you around knowing I let go of the greatest thing that's ever happened to me?"
Mark Lee was brave at 16 when he kissed you for the first time and asked you to be his girlfriend against all the bans and rules. Mark Lee was brave at 18 watching you walk away from everything you both knew at SM Entertainment and for not running after you to stop you because you both knew it was for the best. Mark Lee was brave at 20 hearing you sob through the phone while you were halfway around the world because you just couldn't do this anymore. Mark Lee is brave at 22, taking your warm hands in his, and Mark Lee is brave when he lifts your chin up to meet his gaze and asks you this:
"Why can't we just get back together? This year apart is hurting us more than it's benefitting us."
People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- that the eyes say everything someone can't say. Your eyes are filled with tears, yes, but also love and fear and all the emotions in between.
The problem was that your brain always rules your life, keeping your heart's true desires always suppressed deep within.
"Mark," you trail, before he cuts you off.
"I don't see the problem, Y/N. Both our companies knew we were dating and you're not a rookie in the industry anymore. I mean, we dated through your whole rookie era! I acknowledge everything you said and felt when we broke up and I wanted to give you time to work through those emotions, but I'm asking if anything has changed. Has it?"
"I've never stopped loving you, but I'm still scared Mark. I'm even more scared now as your career grows," you say quietly, "I don't want to hurt you. If anything gets out, it won't just hurt you or me, because I could take it if it only hurt me, but it's our members, Mark. You know how fans feel about idols who date and it's never ever as simple as 'if they're a true fan they'll be happy for me'. That's not how the industry works."
He squeezes your hands, "Then we'll get better at sneaking around! You know the boys love you so much and they know how much our relationship meant to me and they'd never ever get in the way of that. Or we can just text and call and I don't even have to see you in person when it's risky. I just want the chance to tell you that I still love you every single day as I promised."
There it is again, the sound of your heart breaking at the most loving boy on the planet.
"Will you let me think about it? At least about being your best friend still? I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer right now on your birthday," you murmur. The confessions from Mark came as no surprise, but he never fails to leave you speechless with no clear thoughts in your brain and your heart always full.
"I'm just asking for a chance. Just for anything you can give me," he smiles finally, "How about we eat all this and continue your Modern Family? It's still my favourite show, so I couldn't dream of a better way to spend my birthday."
"I'd like that."
-
2015
"I'm debuting," Mark barges into the near-empty practice room, huffing and panting like he just ran a marathon, "Y/N, oh my God!"
You're sat cross-legged on the floor with your phone propped up in front of you. Your eyebrows are stitched together tightly, indicating that you were probably either criticising yourself on a recording or trying to learn a choreography. The moment you realise that it's Mark, your whole body unclenches and you relax as you pause the video. You don't comprehend the weight of his words until he says them again.
"Y/N, Y/N, I'm going to debut!" he's practically screaming in joy as he belly slides towards you and crashes into you, wrapping his arms around you.
"Oh my God, Mark! Really? Tell me everything right now!" you squeeze him back, pride bursting in your chest.
When you both joined SM, you came with the obvious dream of being an idol entertainer. Sure, the company can make all these empty promises to you at the start, but with the way the industry works, nothing is really ever truly for certain. For you, the company had not given you any time scale or idea of what direction they wanted you to go in. You weren't even really that hopeful, considering the company just debuted Red Velvet one year ago, but you were still enduring.
However, it was almost time to debut a new boy group since it had been 3 years and counting since EXO broke into the scene. You were always certain that Mark was always a part of that plan.
"So, do you remember last year when I told you about the infinite boy group idea? It was true! The company gathered all the male trainees and showed them their idea- it's called NCT and it's so cool, trust me! So it's like they're going to debut groups within NCT like different members in each group!"
"Mark, that sounds amazing. Which group are you going to be in?"
"Uh, they said all of them?" Mark frowns in confusion, "Like the first is going to be this unit where members can switch out anytime and it only has a comeback whenever it wants to, and then the second one is like a normal permanent group which I think I'll be with Hyuck and the hyungs, and the third one is a group where we graduate once we hit 20! But I don't think that one's fully confirmed with members yet."
He's running out of breath explaining it to you and his eyes are going crazy so you just laugh and hug tighter, "That's a lot of information, but it still sounds amazing. See Mark, I told you that you're going to be the most important person in this building! You're literally the best."
Mark nudges you so that you break away, "Psh, shut up Y/N. It's still a few months out anyway. We're going to be writing and practicing the debut song for the first unit really soon though."
"And I'm so proud of you," you tell him sincerely, knowing that there are not many people who you can say have worked harder than Mark to achieve their dreams, "Do you feel scared at all?"
He swivels his body so that he's sitting in front of you and he starts playing with your fingers like he always does, "Naturally, I guess. Debuting is a whole new world and being an idol too, but this is what I've been working towards so why shouldn't I be more excited? I've been waiting for this day, but I guess it's human nature to have fear of the unknown."
"It's definitely not wrong to not be scared. I'd be over the moon if they finally tell me I'm going to debut," you sigh dreamily.
"And you will! They can't keep you hidden here any longer and you know that the company loves you so much! You've given everything for them so you deserve it all back," Mark is now rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, "I can't wait until we achieve our dream together. No matter how long it takes, we'll both be standing on that stage together as idols. It's so close now, Y/N."
You smile softly at the boy, ever the optimist, "I can't wait for it too, Mark. Don't let the fame get to your head so quickly and don't forget me when you're famous okay?"
"You're so silly," Mark laughs, "You'll always be my best friend- wait scratch that-"
"I won't always be your best friend?"
"No! You will! But this is literally the best day ever and I have all this adrenaline and energy right now and if I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will, but all I'm saying is that I've been by your side for nearly 3 years now and you're literally my other half and it's so goddamn obvious that I like you so much and I really want to be your boyfriend. Okay, exhale Mark."
Your eyes widen at his confession and you slide away from him in shock, "Wait, really? You like me? You want to be my boyfriend?"
He looks at you like you just grew two heads, "Y/N, that's literally exactly what I said. Do you like me back?"
Shyness begins to creep out of you while your whole face flushes red. You've never been the type to be shy around Mark, even in the times his words and actions make you feel giddy.
"Mhm, you're my first real crush that developed when we met. I thought I'd grow out of it, but it kept getting stronger the closer we got," you admit.
The first day that Mark Lee walked into the practice rooms and got introduced to the trainees, you thought he was the cutest boy in the world. He was dorky and shy at first, but when he performed in front of you, he turned into a completely different person that made you fall for him even more.
The two of you were the same age and he was your deskmate in Korean lessons. Though Mark had grown up speaking Korean, he had never lived in Korea speaking it almost 100% of the time, so the company thought it would be good for him to join your lessons, especially to get training for the language he would be using as an idol.
The two of you became very fast friends and by the end of the month, you were chasing each other in the cafeteria and sharing food in corners with your own inside jokes.
His face breaks out into a grin, tackling you into a hug, "Aw, my little Y/N likes me back!"
You roll your eyes playfully and shove him off your body, "First of all, I'm 3 months older than you, and second of all, you have been spending way too much time with Donghyuck."
"Yeah that little devil rubs off on people," he sighs, "Whatever. Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"
"Wait, wait, wait. We have to consider the implications! Especially if you're debuting soon! Are we going to tell the company? How is this going to work?" you bombard him with questions, playing your part as the realist in this friendship, "Is this a good idea."
"I mean, half the hyungs have secret girlfriends so we can ask them for help and at least it helps that you're in the company with me so if they do find out it's easier to protect the both of us," Mark replies, "I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this, believe it or not. You keep me up awake at night sometimes."
"You're so cheesy," you mumble, turning away to hide your blushing face, "But I guess I do want to be your girlfriend- but what if we break up? I don't want to lose you as my best friend!"
"How about this then," he extends his pinky out to you, "Let's pinky swear that even if we break up and this relationship goes horribly wrong, we'll be best friends still. Forever and whenever."
His words are dripping with sincerity and it surrounds you like a blanket. There's no one in this world that you trust more than Mark Lee when you entwine your own pink around his and smile at him, "Always."
Your pinkies are still attached a minute later when he's looking at you with a goofy smile.
You glare at him, "What's going on in that big head of yours?"
"If we're dating, then does that mean I can kiss you?"
The thought of kissing Mark had admittedly crossed your mind more than you could bare to say out loud. You wanted to play it off cool- shove him and roll your eyes or something, but truthfully, you really did want to kiss your dorky best friend Mark Lee.
"I mean, I guess," you shrug, "If you want to."
"Ha ha, I do," he starts leaning in closer and your heart is beating faster.
This was it. You were going to kiss your best friend-turned-boyfriend in the middle of a practice room. He was going to be your first kiss too!
Mark's face is so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. You can tell he's never done this before with how slowly and nervously he's advancing, but you can see the hope in his eyes.
Your eyes flutter shut. Your lips are almost touching, just ghosting over each others.
"Wait!" you groan as he opens his mouth, "If I'm your first real crush, then who's your first crush overall?"
You smirk, "Jongin-oppa. Duh."
-
2022
This was the biggest concert of your career. Playing the Olympic Stadium had always just been a distant daydream - something to dream about just to amuse you or occupy time. You'd never thought that you would actually live to see the day when that dream came to fruition.
It wasn't even a realistic dream. No girl groups had ever played their own concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium, but your group was going to be the first.
Cameras were pointed all around you backstage as you prepared to go on for your opening.
"Leader, give us a pep talk," your bandmate Yana whines while nudging you. You gather in a circle, pretending you're not deafened by the noise of your fans screaming just past the partition, where they're waiting in anticipation.
The 5 of you lean closer, putting your heads together and your hands in the middle. Before that, you make sure to look at their faces carefully and examine each member's expressions.
Jian is a year older than you, but she's nervous as hell and can barely get any words out. You're not worried because she's proven time after time that she's born to be on stage and that she completely transforms in front of an audience showering her in love. Yana seems nervous too, but she's better at hiding it and it comes out through rambles of sometimes unintelligible speech. Erin is gripping her microphone tightly with a poker face, probably recalling all of her raps in her head quickly, even though you know it comes second nature to her. Your youngest, Kali, seems the most excited. That kid is the most fearless idol you've ever met and you're grateful for someone like her on the team.
As for you? Well, you're a mix of all of your members. It's coming up to a decade now since you started training and you still have to take everything that this career throws at you one by one. The feeling backstage is not exactly overwhelming- it's more pride and joy and excitement to be out there and perform the best concert you have to give.
"No one can ever take this away from us. We're the first freaking girl group to host a show here! We've worked so hard for this and we absolutely deserve it. Everyone out there is here for us, so we should give it our all and play the best show ever. Don't let your nerves get to you. Just relax and be the amazing and talented performers I know we all are," you breathe out, "I'm really thankful for you guys and I'm so happy to have you by my side with me for this. We're exactly where we should be. I really love you guys so much. Let's kill it, yeah? 3, 2, 1, Fighting!"
Your members release a chuckle and you all wrap your arms around each other in a group hug. Soon, your cues begin in your in-ear monitors and you break up to take your positions on the platform that will lift you up to the stage.
The concert starts off without a hitch. Everything is perfect and the energy you get as each song progresses is nothing like you've ever felt. The sea of fans is expansive and blinding and you still have to check you're not dreaming every few moments. You eventually settle into the stage and the concert slows down a bit with your solo performances.
Your company had encouraged you all to perform something of your own choosing and while you had a vast repertoire of songs tucked away on your GarageBand, they were mostly unfinished, too personal or waiting to be adapted to your group to go onto your future albums. The song had to be something that would only ever be just for you, but something you could bare to release into the world for everyone else to hear.
Okay, so maybe you let your emotions rule you and get the best of you. Maybe the song you chose was the wrong one to invite your fans to insert themselves into. Maybe it was too personal to sing a song about Mark Lee in front of the biggest crowd you'd ever played in your life, but when else could you?
The baby grand piano is gleaming in the centre of the stage and your blue dress is sparkling from the way the lights hit the crystals adorning the whole slip. You're admittedly more nervous about this, but you think it's more to do with the fact that you know Mark Lee is in the stadium, somewhere.
Your company had warned you that if you wanted to sing this song, you had to do a little speech before that would throw them off your scent, "Hi guys," you pause for their screams, "I know you guys enjoyed Kali's energetic dance and Jian's amazing original song! For my segment, I thought we could have a little chill time and not to dampen your spirits, but I wanted to show you guys this heartbreak track that I wrote after watching too many sad rom-coms. I really hope that none of you guys can relate and if anyone ever breaks your heart, just send them my way, okay? I hope you guys enjoy it. This is '21'."
You let out a deep breath and remind yourself that this was the right choice. Your fingers glide over the keys perfectly like it's muscle memory from the year you've been working on the song. You send a prayer to higher beings that Mark won't kill you as you begin the first lines.
"I missed your 21st birthday. I've been up at home; almost tried to call you, don't know if I should. Hate to picture you half-drunk, happy. Hate to think you went out without me. I'm sorry if you blame me, if I were you I would. Thought you'd see it coming, but you never could. I still haven't heard from your family, but you said your mom always loved me."
Mark celebrated your 21st birthday with you. Public dates were not a thing in your relationship, but this man made every effort to make the best out of your situation. He kicked out your members from your dorm after enlisting their help to decorate the place top to bottom in rose gold banners and balloons. After taking cooking lessons for weeks previously, he had then covered your dining table with expensive cloth and filled up two glasses with wine to go with the steak that he had perfectly cooked all for you. He then took you to the couch and serenaded you with a love song about how much you mean to him and how thankful he was for you. On top of all that, you had boxes and boxes of presents to unwrap that were all thoughtful, beautiful, or meaningful. Mark Lee was the perfect boyfriend.
For Mark's 21st birthday, you were sat cross-legged on your sofa with your phone placed on the table in front of you, face up. It was as if you were waiting for him to be the one to call when you were the one who broke his heart just a few weeks earlier and asked to not be friends.
You were drinking the wine that he poured for you on your birthday and you were half-drunk, punching in his number on your keypad, because even though you deleted his number, you already knew it off by heart. There was just something in you that refused to carry it through. You were a coward and Mark Lee celebrated his birthday without you for the first time in 7 years.
"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue. You were the love of my life since I was young. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under. I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again. I'll be the love of your life inside your head. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under."
Later on that night, you're lying wide awake and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you and Mark had decided to plaster all around your ceiling when you were bored one day. The crowd seemed to love the song thankfully and it was easy to get their energy back up. People placed meaning into everything idols did, so you weren't surprised at the people who were making guesses about your love life and the subject of the song. Whatever, they'd never get it right, anyway.
Your phone ringing cuts through the silence and you curse, hoping it won't wake up the other girls in the dorm. They're probably dead asleep from the high-energy concert anyway.
"You're still up?" his voice is grainy through the speaker.
"You're the one that called. Did you not want me to answer?" you quip back, "It's the adrenaline, I think."
"Touché. I was going to leave a voicemail, but this is better, I guess," Mark uttered, "The concert was amazing, by the way. I'm sorry we didn't come and say hello backstage, but we really enjoyed it."
"Thanks, Mark and thank the boys for me too, okay?" you instruct.
"Mhmm, of course," he replies, "That song you wrote was good, you know. But you might've as well called it 'Mark'."
You're laughing softly at his comment, "I should've changed the number, I know. But shut up- if you know it's for you, then why don't you follow my words? I said don't call me tonight."
"I've never been good at following rules when it comes to you," Mark sighs, "Plus, there's not a lot of times I can just call you up like this. At least I had something to say to you."
"You can always call if you want."
"Would you always answer?"
You pause to think, but Mark takes that as confirmation.
"Have you thought about what I said? 6 months ago when I asked if you wanted to be friends again? Or even get back together?"
"That question keeps me awake every night," you joke, "But today, when I was just looking out at the fans and greeting the idols that came backstage after the concert, it really made me think about how much I wanted to be doing all of this with you. I've always regretted what happened between us because it wasn't a choice I wanted to make. There are no words to describe the way that love manifests in front of you from the fans. I always find myself wishing you were still here by my side."
"Hm, cryptic. Is that an answer to my question or do I have to wait another 6 months to call you up and ask again?"
"How long are you going to keep asking?" you uttered, the feeling of disappointment taking over your body as you still couldn't find the courage to finally give in and allow yourself to be happy.
"Until you say yes again."
-
JULY 2020
The world was still shut as you knew it, yet you were halfway around the world from the place you grew to call home. Your company was generous to give you two months off to spend with your loved ones, and you chose to spend some time cooped up in your parents' house and your childhood home because even though there were so many quarantining requirements to get between the two countries, you hadn't seen your parents in almost 3 years.
Of course, you missed your members, but you lived with them and would continue to see them nearly every day for as long as you could keep your career going. Of course, you missed Mark, but it's not like you could go and see him anyway with the tough restrictions imposed on the Korean citizens.
There was also one big- scratch that- giant problem looming over your and your company's heads. The bane of your existence and public enemy number 1 Dispatch had dangled over your heads the threat of releasing the photos they had grabbed of you and Mark abroad in Vancouver at the start of the year. It wouldn't have been damning evidence considering it was the only photo set they had acquired of the two of you, but you were holding hands with your eyes clearly in view. 
Your companies had threatened to sue, of course, but Dispatch has never been scared. Then, your companies tried to play the guilt-trip card and interrogate them on why they would care to do such a thing when the world was suffering enough as it is. Alas, nothing got through to Dispatch. Eventually, your companies surrendered to pay a preposterous amount to get rid of the problem and it probably didn't even make a dent in SM's savings, but it surely hurt your growing but small company even if SM took the majority of the bill. 
It was completely eating you up and tearing your insides to know that because of your slip-up with Mark, the trainees in your company had to get their debut pushed back by a good probable few years.
Mark had been the perfect boyfriend, supporting you through your change to your new company and your short training period before your debut. Mark had been there to metaphorically hold your hand as you got to know the other girls and make lifelong sister bonds out of it. Mark had been there to cheer you on in the early mornings when you were doing your first few stages. Mark had been there when your first comeback did even better than your debut and propelled you to the top of the industry.
So why, oh why, were you thinking about whether being together is good for everyone involved? There you found yourself in a dark room, the phone next to your head as soft cries and hiccups escaped your lips.
"Baby, please tell me what's wrong. I hate when you cry and it's really hurting me that I'm not there with you right now. Do you want me to come there? Cause I will! I'll say I'm sick or something." he's rambling through the phone and you can hear that it's raining heavily in Seoul.
"Mark, you know that I love you right?"
"Of course I do," he coos gently, "And you're my once-in-a-lifetime great love. I love you too, baby. What's wrong?"
You don't even believe the words that come out of your mouth when you whisper them, "I can't do this anymore Mark. I think we need to break up."
"What? Y/N, this is not funny," his voice instantly turns serious.
"I'm sorry Mark, but I'm serious," you're sobbing at this point and you're surprised he can even still understand you, "I really don't want to do this but-"
"So why are you doing this? Look, let's just talk when you get back, okay? You're coming home soon, right? Or I can take a flight there, but baby, don't make these rash decisions- we're just missing each other."
"The guilt is eating me up, Mark," you confess in hushed tones, "I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. And every time I'm with you, I feel only this sense of anxiety about being caught together that I can't shake. I love you so much, Mark, but I don't know why I feel like this."
"Y/N, we've dealt with so much over the years and we've fought through everything together! We can work through this together, I promise. Just give me some time to think about what to do and everything will be okay-" he's crying now too and it breaks your heart to hear it because he barely ever cries, "I'll get the company to pay yours back what you paid to those assholes. Come on, baby."
"Mark," you whimper, "I ruined the company. I don't want to hurt my members either. Even if we admit to dating, imagine the hate that my group will face! I don't want to let them down any more than I already have."
"I'll tell the fans to not hate- Y/N just tell me what I can do to stop whatever this break-up idea in your head is. We're meant to be, Y/N. We're each other's perfect match."
"I don't love you any less, Mark. Please remember that. I need to do this for my members and for my company that took a leap of faith in me. I don't want to walk away from you, but I don't see any other choice. I don't want to hurt you or your members either. I can't be seen with you."
His voice is small and strained, "You're breaking my heart, Y/N."
"And I'm never going to forgive myself for it."
-
EARLY 2018
This was definitely the hardest decision of your life and it wasn't one that you took lightly either. It was something you had been thinking about for over a year and more intensely when the company started to press you on extending your exclusive training contract.
Herin Seo had entered SM just before you did and she lived and trained with you. She was your best friend outside of Mark and it broke your heart when she left the company only after 4 years in 2017. There were only a few months left on her contract, but she was desperate to get an out and an idol survival show finally gave her the motivation to break free.
Right now, she's taking the seat in front of you after setting down your favourite drinks from your favourite cafe that she still remembers, "Iced vanilla matcha latte for me and an iced oat latte for my best friend."
"You're the best Herin! My treat next time," you promise as you take the first sip. It's been a while since you've come to the café since it hurts to go when it used to be your spot with Herin.
"Well better be soon because I'm leaving in 5 days," she pouts, "I'm sorry I could only come to visit for a short time."
"It's okay. I'm glad to see you anyway after all these months," you grin, "How's settling back in Manchester?"
"I mean it's always been home but it took me a few months to really get to grips with the fact that I wasn't leaving after a week like I did when I would visit during my training. It's really weird to know England is now my permanent home and that I'm going to start school again there," she looks outside the large window that overlooks the river, "I really really miss Seoul."
You take her hand and muster your best comforting smile, "I'm really sorry that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to."
"Ha, it's not your fault Y/N. I mean, you're in the same boat; what are you planning to do with this contract thing?"
You sigh at the age-old question that's been plaguing your mind for months. In fact, your meeting with the company to decide your future was tomorrow and you still had no concrete idea of what you wanted, "I really don't know Herin. SM has been everything I've known for 5 years and everyone I love is at the company. I don't even know how to switch agencies or what happens at other agencies. At the same time, I know they're planning for a group soon, but I have this feeling that I can't shake when I think about it. I look at Jimin and Minjeong and my sweet baby Yizhou and I don't think I'm what the company wants."
"But they've invested so much time and money into you!" Herin furrows her eyebrows, "Surely they're building a group around you, Yizhuo, Koeun, Lami, and Hina! We were a pre-debut team! They can't just disregard all of you guys, right?"
"I wouldn't put it past them," you're fiddling nervously with your hands, "They've been good to me, but they're a business at the end of the day. I'm so torn up and I was thinking you could help me. How did you know that you wanted to leave the company?"
She thinks for a while before answering your question, "Well the survival show was just the reason why I left before my contract was up, but I already knew that I wasn't going to stay on and re-sign. For me, it just felt like I had more to give, but the environment I was in wasn't letting me grow anymore. I felt like there was nothing more I could give to SM. Even though Idol School didn't work out for me, I was still glad that I went."
You nod along to her story, "I haven't told anyone about this Herin. Mark's been bugging me about my terms for re-signing my contract, so I don't think it's even fathomable for him for me to leave."
"It's about you, Y/N. This is your story, your career, and your decision. There are going to be a lot of people that are going to be hurt or angry, but they will never understand what you're going through. Especially not the people who already debuted," Herin advises, "Look, talk about it with Mark tonight, and don't leave it until after your meeting because that might hurt more, but if he really loved you and wanted what's best for you, he would trust in your decision."
"You're right Herin. Thanks for being there for me."
So, you called Mark later on that night to come over. You had cooked up a few dishes for you to share and asked your dorm mates if they could give you a few hours for some alone time. Telling Mark was definitely going to be hard, but you couldn't imagine the conversation with the girls, who were going to be the most hurt. You remember when Herin left- you weren't angry, but you were overwhelmingly sad about the thought of the girl you started your journey with not being there anymore. That was when you started to question if you should still be there too, but you were scared to instill this thought in your other younger trainees that maybe thought they still had a chance.
"Hi baby," Mark is beaming when you open the door to him. He quickly shuts the door behind him with his foot and wraps you up in a tight hug, making sure to plant a kiss on your lips and then all over your face, "I missed your gorgeous face so much- oh my God the apartment smells so good! What did you cook?"
"Just some beef and rice," you lead him over to the dining table with the food set out already.
"Oh my gosh, you're so amazing," Mark smooches your cheek affectionately and takes his seat on the table. You had lived at the dorm for your whole time at SM and along the way, Mark had chosen his own seat at your dining table for when you had dinners inside, which was almost every date you shared.
You start with small talk, letting him eat and enjoy his meal before you inevitably break a little bit of his precious heart. You hadn't seen Mark for a few days since he was busy with some schedules, so he tells you all about the boys and what they've been up to recently. They're working on the biggest project NCT has ever done so far- a full 18-member release- and it's going spectacularly well. The album itself was a few weeks out, but each unit had been dropping some songs along the way.
"Babe, the company is throwing a release party when the album drops in a few weeks! Isn't that so exciting? They actually asked us what food we want at the party so we're all going crazy. I think Hyuck asked for a fondue fountain, so I'm dying to see if they'll actually give that," he's chuckling, halfway through his plate, "Do you have any special requests?"
Okay, deep breath. Now's the time. It's all or nothing.
"Actually Mark, I invited you over to talk about something," you begin and the smile on his face drops at your warning tone, "Please don't be upset with me."
"Ah, what's wrong?" he's pouting and you have to look away to get the strength to say what you need to. If you looked in his eyes any longer, you would find some reason to convince you to stay just for him.
"My contract meeting is tomorrow," you gulp, "I'm going to leave the company, Mark."
The sound of his chair scraping against the floor makes you cringe, "What? Y/N, what? What do you mean you're leaving the company? Where are you going to go? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I just made up my mind today, Mark. I'm sorry I didn't confide in you, but this was a decision I had to make for myself," tears are welling up along your lash line, "I spoke to Herin today and I realised that the only thing making me stay any longer was you."
"But you're so close to debut!" he's arguing pleadingly, crouching beside you and holding your hand, "Babe, I can't imagine this company without you."
"I'm not Mark. You know that I'm not any closer to debut than I was when I joined 5 years ago. You're indispensable to this company, but I'm really not," you expressed, "I don't want to leave and I love you, your boys, and my girls, but I think this is what's best for me."
"But where are you going to go?" Mark sniffles, "I love you so much Y/N, but what's going to happen to us?"
You shake your head at his insinuations, "No, Mark. Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to us and I'll make sure that whatever company I join will know about us and protect us. I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me for this."
He stands up and wraps his arms around you from above, "I'm sorry for reacting this way Y/N, but there's nothing for you to be sorry for. I trust you, okay? I love you and I want you to do what's best for you. I know I can't make decisions for you, but I'll try my best to support you however I can."
You look up at him with adoration dripping from your eyes, "I love you, Mark. We're going to be okay, yeah?"
He brings his head down and connects your lips in the most love-filled way that your heart explodes in that familiar overwhelming feeling that Mark always seems to do to you, "We're going to be okay, baby."
-
LATE 2022
The world was playing a sick joke on you- it really was. There was no way your whole career wasn't just some April Fools' prank or that you weren't just the main target of some joke show.
You always prided yourself on being close with the company's staff and higher-ups. As a leader of your group, you felt that it was integral to your success that you were able to communicate your wishes and worries to the company and this gave you more creative freedom too. Apparently, the company too was getting more comfortable with you.
"What did you just say?" your eyes were incredulous, peering towards your sheepish CEO, "That's actually the worst idea I've ever heard in my life."
"Look, Y/N, you wanted a feature on your song," your CEO chuckles at your response, "I think this is an amazing idea."
"You're literally giving Dispatch a green light to release those photos. Do you want me to email you a picture of me and Mark making out so you can just tweet it from the official account?" you counter, "Why in the hell would having my ex-boyfriend feature on my solo debut title track be anything short of a terrible idea?"
"Mark is incredibly famous and incredibly talented," she begins, counting with her fingers, "You have high standards. We have a good relationship with SM Entertainment. Your fans love shipping the two of you together since you're in the same age group."
"He's also my ex-boyfriend. Is that not extremely problematic? Everyone will hyper analyse every interaction we have or have had and then they're actually going to figure out that we dated." you ponder, "The worst part of this all is that I know he would say yes if his company lets him."
"Exactly- he's your ex-boyfriend, not your current one. By all logic, he's now just another fellow idol or colleague that you can collaborate with. Anyway, SM will definitely say yes; look how many of their idols are in relationships or at least feature on tracks."
"This is all Crush and Joy's fault," you groan, looking at the pleased expression on your CEO's face knowing that she had won the argument.
When your company proposed the idea of having a solo debut to you half a year ago, you had vehemently declined the opportunity, citing it wouldn't be beneficial to your group as a whole and that you wanted to be known for your group and not your individuality. Your members, on the other hand, had different ideas and talked you into at least hearing out the company. You had really only agreed to the debut when they told you that they would give you full musical freedom and the help that you personally requested. It only seemed like a good idea when you realised that someone in the group needs to be the one to start doing solo activities so the rest of the group can follow suit. You've always known that Jian has been curious about acting.
So you find yourself swiveling in your chair in the studio, waiting for Mark to find his way to the room. It's your first time working together for your solo debut and the last time you had spoken to him was a text he sent you asking if you actually wanted him to feature on the track before he gave a response to his company. You begrudgingly replied a yes because even though you still didn't think it was a good idea, you couldn't imagine yourself working with anyone other than Mark. The industry was crazy sometimes.
The knocking on the door snapped you out of your thoughts and you jumped up to open it to Mark Lee holding two cups on the other side.
"Hey pretty. I got us some coffee," he pushes a cup into your hand and you move aside to let him in, "How are you?"
"Don't call me pretty," you mumble as you turn away to hide the blush starting to appear on your cheeks, "But I'm okay. It's getting busier with the holidays coming up, so you know how that is, but the company thought this time was a great time to work on my debut."
"I feel you," Mark grimaces, taking a seat on the other spinning chair, "Don't tell anyone but Dream is actually having another comeback. It's going to be out just before Christmas."
"Another one?" your eyes widen in shock, "But you just released 2 Baddies and I know you definitely have a repackage soon!"
"Yeah, it's hard to be part of both units," he sighs, "Cause our new album will be over 6 months out from Beatbox, but only 3 months from 2 Baddies. Whatever, you know I love what I do."
"Doesn't mean you don't get tired," you cross your arms, "Now I feel bad having you on this track. You are way too busy, Mark! Why didn't you or your company say no?"
He shakes his head to reassure you, "Nah, trust me Y/N; you're exactly the break I need from the boys. Besides, I've never had the chance to formally work with you, so why would I give up the opportunity when it comes? We always made a great team back then."
You smile fondly, thinking about all those times when you and Mark were young teenagers and would huddle up in the practice rooms writing songs together and creating melodies on your guitars.
"I guess we did. Anyway, have a listen to this track. It's just something I wrote a while ago, but it always seemed unfinished so I thought that a feature would complete it," you hand him a pair of headphones and gesture over to your laptop with the track already loaded up, "If you like it, you can do your part in the second verse, but otherwise we can start from scratch."
You watch his face as he listens to the song and you're endeared to find out he still carries the same habit of letting his face do all the talking whenever he's listening to something new. His head is bobbing up and down as he nods along to the song and you can easily tell which parts he likes.
"So, what do you think?" you inquire.
He has a grin on his face, "I love it! Honestly! It's a cute song about a crush, I guess?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to go with any song that's lyrically strong for my debut. This song's pretty unassuming and you know how important it is to the companies to have a general public-friendly song," you shrug. They didn't really explicitly give you guidelines, but you knew what the company was really looking for- a hit, "Can you work with that beat? I'll send you the song of course and you don't have to rush or anything."
"I'll see what I can do," Mark teases, "Can I get an insider sneak peek at the rest of the album? You know, feature perks and all of that."
You flush even redder than when he complimented you earlier, "I'm going to be so honest Mark, the whole album is about you. Every song I've written is about you."
He shrugs casually, "I would've figured. You're a big inspiration to my writing too. Is that a no, then?"
You decide that there was no point shying away from Mark's request, considering that he would end up hearing each and every song whenever your album came out anyway. Plus, the two of you were artists and you understood being each others' muse- good or bad. Mark had seen you in every vulnerable state possible. Showing him your songs that you were comfortable enough to release to the public anyway was nothing to you.
"You can listen."
You don't bother giving Mark any explanations for any song- he's the one that lived through these experiences with you. You leave him with your tracklist on the laptop and tell him you would leave him for a few moments to grab some lunch for the two of you in the company cafeteria. You were hoping it was going to be a quick trip down and back up, but you had run into a producer you were also working with on the album, and that gave Mark at least 5 songs worth of time alone.
What you hadn't expected upon returning was to find Mark crying softly, his sweater paws rubbing at his eyes.
"Mark? Are you crying?"
Your surprise caused him to jump up and frantically wipe away his tears, "Ha. That's a really sad album, huh?"
The guilt continues to eat you up from the inside out, "I'm not going to release all of them, I think. A few sad songs and fill the rest in with inconspicuous tracks."
"Well your songs are beautiful anyway," he gives you a pained smile, "You're an amazing writer. I just wish I wasn't the cause of your pain."
"Hey," you scold softly, bumping his arm with yours, "Don't say that. You were nothing but amazing to me. You made me so happy. It was just the circumstances around us."
He chuckled bitterly to himself, "If we weren't famous- if this industry wasn't so vicious, I would still have you?"
"Mark," you warn, but he cuts you off.
"Have you thought about what I asked you?" he interrupts, "It's been a year, you know? I still miss you."
"Mark, it's not that easy," you counter, "Nothing's changed!"
"It's either you want to be with me or you don't. Don't skirt around it and just tell me the truth, okay? It would really make working together easier if I know where we stand. I won't stop fighting for us until you tell me to stop, so tell me what you want, Y/N," Mark pleads, standing up to face you, "I'm sorry for springing it out of nowhere, but I need to know. I can't move on until I know to let you go."
You hate yourself for what you did to Mark. He was the boy that taught you how to love and how to love patiently, sincerely, and passionately. He was the boy that held your hand and rubbed your back when you cried and the boy that celebrated every success with you. He was the boy that told you how proud he was of you, even every time you felt like the world was collapsing around you. He was the boy who would lay kisses on your forehead and whisper sweet nothings in your ear whenever you faced another setback. He was the boy that made flowers bloom out of your heart from his kind gestures and the way he showed you how much he loved you. And if nothing else, Mark was the boy that made you happy.
You remember a conversation with your youngest member the night before. You had confided in her how nervous you were to work with Mark and she lectured you on finally letting yourself be happy. You were already a 4-year idol and Mark was coming onto 7 years. You weren't rookies anymore and you had solid fanbases. It was clear that the companies weren't extremely opposed to revealing that the two of you were dating back then, so she told you that it would be fine now. Kali told you, rather cliché-ly, that the heart wants what it wants and your heart has been screaming and begging from Mark since the second you ended that phone call with him all those years ago.
"Y/N?"
"Mark," you meet his eyes and melt all over again, "It's you, Mark."
Mark wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you tighter. The other hand reaches up to your face to brush your hair out of your face and cradle your cheek as he brings it up to his own face. Your noses are almost touching as Mark lays it all bare for you, "Do you love me or do you not, Y/N?"
"I do," the feeling is cathartic when you finally tell him and when he finally presses his lips in a searing kiss that sets off all the fireworks in your heart. The feeling of Mark is familiar, but the kiss is longing and hopeful and you can't get enough.
You're both panting when he breaks the kiss and he rests his forehead against yours as he laughs softly in relief. He's been waiting to do that for over 2 years.
"I need you back, Y/N. It's been the worst 2 years of my life," he whispers against your lips, "Please come back."
You smile when he opens his eyes. They're that shade you grew to love all those years ago and they're sparkling like the day he first asked you to be his girlfriend.
Nothing's changed in your environment, that's for sure. What you're also sure about is that each time you see Mark again, you feel a little braver and more courageous. Each time Mark tells you that he loves you even though you shattered his heart like glass, you feel like his love can get you through anything. Maybe you needed those 2 years to see what you were missing or maybe you were just stupid.
Whatever. All you know now is that even 2 years on, Mark Lee is still begging for your love and your brain is losing out in its battle against your heart. It might've taken you two years, but now you see that all you need is Mark Lee by your side to get through the torrential storm that was heading your way and that you were going to get out on the other side to a bright and sunny sky, as long as he was holding your hand and leading you.
You place a kiss on his lips that tells him all he needs to know, "I'm here, Mark. It's always been you. You've always been the one. Always."
732 notes · View notes
theficblog · 11 months
Text
[7:25 am]
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JEONG JAEHYUN
Genre: Fluff + Newly married AU
Wordcount: 368
Warnings: Slightly suggestive
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Your eyes opened up without a set alarm, as they were accustomed to doing by this point. You blinked a few times only to realise there was no work to go to today.
Turning to your side, you looked at Jaehyun, who was snuggled up and sound asleep like a baby. Your body was pressed up against his smooth, bare skin, feeling the tingling of his dark hair.
You pushed your fingers through his black locks, caressing them and feeling the warmth between the two of you, without noticing that he was asleep no more.
He hummed in response to your actions, placing soft kisses and rubbing his hand around your waist, half asleep, still. 
"Good morning, wifey." Jaehyun raised his body and drew it nearer to your face, grinning through his deep morning voice.
"I can't believe we got married yesterday." You gushed, cupping his cheek and placing a kiss on his lips, not forgetting to poke those pretty dimples of his. "You're now my husband for real, Jaehyun!"
"It still feels the same!" He exclaimed, fixing your hair back into place. "You, me, our names, the hickey on my shoulder, they're all the same!" Some days he was just shameless, and today was one of those days.
You grabbed his hand, brushing your finger around the wedding band as he gazed into your eyes, a smile never leaving his face. 
"I'm glad we at least get a week off from work!"  You laughed.
"That means a week full of sex!" He replied.
Jaehyun tightened his grip on you as he switched positions, your face was now placed on his chest, as his free hand ran up and down your back this time, the other one still gripping the hand.
"I promise I'll be a great husband, even when we have grandkids." He expressed with a sincere tone out of a sudden.
"Have we already thought about our kids?" You made a lighthearted joke.
"Of course! I’ve even prepared possible names!" Jaehyun enthused, flashing a bright smile.
"If that's the case, then.." You started to trace his bare torso.
"Then?" He asked, pretending as if he didn’t even know where babies came from, purposely. 
"We should get to business right away!"
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LET ME KNOW YOUR VIEWS + ALSO SEE : MASTERLIST
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PLEASE REFRAIN FROM PLAGIARIZING ,TRANSLATING, OR POSTING OUTSIDE THIS PLATFORM.  
485 notes · View notes
haechwrites · 1 year
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wingwoman - L.MK
mark x fem!reader ft. jaemin
synopsis: mark has trouble pulling girls. he also has trouble understanding girls. this makes sense when he asks the best friend of his crush for help when it's blatantly obvious she's actually in love with him.
wc: ~9.5k
warnings: none??? unrequited love. mark is clueless. reader is a coward hehe. based in college. i say fem!reader bc they use she/her pronouns and refer to her as a "wingwoman," but honestly can be read as gender neutral?? ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN FIRST PERSON, so ignore mistakes pls
A/N: my first published work woot woot i've had this written and sitting for so long. i love unrequited love and angst. this isn't that angsty but maybe if i get sad enough, i can write an angstier one! okay byeee
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
“You like him, don’t you?”
The mayo from your sandwich made a cartoonish splat onto the plate at the end of his question. Your head snapped over, looking at Jaemin incredulously for his unexpected inquiry. You were in the middle of a lovely meal with Mark in between classes. When Jaemin sat down to join halfway, You didn’t expect him to have an agenda in mind. You placed your sandwich down and checked to see how far Mark had gotten before you could speak. He had lost a round of rock, paper, scissors and was sent to buy drinks.
“What are you talking about?” You cleared your throat of whatever was left of your lunch. You knew exactly who and what he was talking about but you prayed it was something else. You didn’t want to have this discussion. Things could be laid out on this table that you're not yet ready to process, and not with Jaemin of all people. It’s not like you and Jaemin aren’t close. You're just both the same kind of person, the type of person who doesn’t like to express their feelings. So it was odd that Jaemin was even asking about your personal life.
“Mark. You like him, right?“ He raised a single eyebrow, tempting you to deny his claim. How could he admit your feelings so easily when it’s something you've been struggling to grasp for a month?
You wiped the crumbs off your hands onto your jeans, and maybe some nervous sweat too.
“No. I mean. He likes Jenn.” You stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, trying hard to make it seem like that fact didn’t bother you. You automatically looked down and start picking at the crumbs.
Jaemin hummed, “I asked if you like him. Not who he likes. I know who he likes.” 
The last statement felt like a stab in the chest, because, of course, you do too. Mark likes your roommate, your friend since high school. That was the only reason you were sitting at this table, the only reason you were able to have this conversation with one of his best friends. If he didn’t reach out to you during your Anatomy class together about helping him get with your friend, you wouldn’t even be here in this situation right now. At first, you were honestly offended by his request. However, after seeing the charm he very much lacked, you understood why he was desperate. It was a pitiful acceptance, but you wish you never agreed. Being reminded of your purpose in his life always tore you apart because Jaemin’s assumption is right; you do like Mark. 
Maybe that slight bitterness in your heart is what pushed you to confess to Jaemin, one of Mark’s friends and not the man himself. You took another quick glance at Mark to see him fumbling with his change at the vending machine to get you a drink. You couldn’t help but smile fondly at him and quickly realize how screwed you are. Jaemin followed your eyes and smiled to himself knowing he was right. It wasn’t difficult to figure out. The only person that didn’t know was Mark, and maybe Jenn.
You sighed and turned back to him, a month of feelings bursting at your lips.
“Okay, fine. I like Mark. But I swear to you, I’m not going to do anything. It literally doesn’t matter. He likes Jenn and I’m helping him pursue Jenn. I know I’m an idiot for getting my feelings tangled up in all of this, but I really care for Mark, so I’m not gonna let something as stupid as this get in the way of that. I’m gonna keep helping him and if I get to continue being his friend after they get together, great! But if our relation-friendship ends there, then that’s also fine. It-“ You hesitated, looking at the pity and confusion on Jaemin’s face. “It’s completely fine,” You said quieter, the weight of your ramble finally hitting you. You didn’t realize how pathetic this whole situation was till your thoughts left your head and were actually voiced. 
Jaemin made a sound of disapproval, getting ready to speak before a can of Milkis was placed in front of your plate.
“What’d I miss?” Mark asked, swiftly sliding his body onto the bench. “I cleaned the top already,” He says, tapping your drink.
You smiled with gratitude, before quickly snapping back into wing woman mode. Like it was second nature.
“Jenn wants to catch a movie this weekend, wanna come? Maybe bring Jeno or Jaemin,” your eyes flickered to the man that just watched you word-vomit your inner thoughts. “So it’s less sus, you know?” 
Mark’s eyes lit up immediately, the smile on his face lifting his cheekbones to match the pure joy in his eyes. The green in you only faltered your smile slightly. When has he ever smiled like that for me?, you thought.
“Jaem, what do you say? Wanna come?” Mark asked.
Jaemin looked at you as you avoided his eyes. He took a big bite of his food before saying, “I’d rather not.” 
Mark instantly pouted and slapped Jaemin’s arms multiple times, whining that it’d be fun. Jaemin continued taking bites of his food, unfazed by Mark’s slaps and silently refusing. You giggled at the sight, but something in your stomach felt uneasy now that Jaemin knows. 
Everyone continued finishing up their meals and Mark asked you about this weekend and what movies Jenn likes. You took a sip of your drink and let the carbonation burn your throat. Hopefully, your abrupt confession helps you in this predicament. Having at least one person know would be good, right?
You peered up at Jaemin and his eyes were trained strictly on you, sending goosebumps down your arms. 
Maybe not.
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
A month has passed since your confession to Jaemin and two and a half months have passed since Operation Jump Jenn began — name courtesy of Haechan, objectively not his best work but you got outvoted. Ever since you started hanging out with Mark and helping out with his love life situation, your friend groups began to merge and you all grew extremely close. It feels like you're known the boys since birth, despite meeting only this year. Due to this and because everyone is all in on Operation Jump Jenn, a camping trip was planned together — more like “glamping” because tents were swapped for a nice cabin. The goal was to get Mark and Jenn some alone time whether it be on a hike or by the campfire. Haechan said they should go as far as making them share a bed, but he quickly earned a smack in the head from Renjun. 
The crew had just arrived at the cabin this morning and scurried into the rooms they self-assigned, or should you say argued over, in the car ride up. You obviously got put with Jenn and your friend, Sumin, while the boys fought over who could sleep with Renjun. Surprisingly, Jeno came out victorious.
“Okay, I’m done! I’m gonna go help the boys figure out groceries,” Jenn got up and brushed the dust off her pants.
“Oh, you’ll need backup,” Sumin laughed and trailed after her, leaving you alone in your shared room.
You took your time unpacking just because driving partially took a lot out of you. The bed was looking extra nap-able. Your body soreness also probably came from craning your neck so much to look at Mark and Jenn in the backseat. It was torturous, but you couldn’t look away. It was like self-sabotage.
A light knock on the door caught your attention and you told the person to come in. It was Mark.
Not even trying to hide the immediate smile on your face, you got up off the floor. 
“Hey, did you unpack already?”
“Haechan owes me for something, so I made him do it for me.” He sighs happily before plopping onto the bed, basking in his zero responsibilities.
You scoffed and smacked his thigh, “You’re wearing your outside clothes!” You log rolled him over to his side but he quickly positioned himself back.
“All we did was drive,” he whined. “I think our clothes should be relatively clean.” He patted the empty spot next to him. You obviously obliged.
You leaned over to him and jokingly sniffed, “Yeah, but you smell a little.”
Mark mocked offense and grabbed you by the shoulders to pull you into a tight hug, laughing evilly at your cries.
“Then get a gooood smell,” He trapped you in, shaking you around. You pretended to cough on his odor and he gasped. Mark pulled back to look at your face and you were already laughing. 
He gave a light flick to your forehead, “Jerk.”
You simply smiled, shoving him away from you before the butterflies in your stomach could get even worse. You had to take a deep breath just to calm down and remind yourself of your place. 
“When we have to grocery shop later, you should volunteer with Jenn. She’s already making the list so I’m sure she’ll wanna take over the shopping part as well.” With your eyes trained on the ceiling, the advice just flowed naturally out of you like always. You laid there expecting him to jump up at the idea. 
Mark propped his head up with his elbow and looked at you from the side, “I’m kinda tired.”
You rolled your eyes, “You’re stupid. You gotta take every opportunity you can get. Jenn’s a little tough to break through and get to know. She’s shy, remember?” You poked his nose and he scrunched at you.
“True,” he pouted. Mark reached over to grab a strand that came loose from your bun after he practically strangled you. He gently brushed it aside and you felt your whole body freeze. Two attacks in one day? Your poor heart.
You cleared your throat and shot up. You grabbed his hand and yanked him with you, to which he instantly groaned. 
“C’monnn, let’s goooo,” you pleaded, shaking his arm. “I don’t have the energy to pull you up.” 
He used both hands to grab your arm and pulled himself up, leaving you both face to face. You instantly took a step back, frazzled once again. Mark was never good at hiding his facial expressions. It was what made getting close to him so easy. You felt like you could read his mind, and sometimes you dive deeper than he expects. He looked at you a little confused by your distance and you simply gave his arm a squeeze, not wanting to look too suspicious. He smiled. 
Mark naturally wrapped his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer and walked the two of you out of the room, “Let’s gooo.” 
If he could read you the way you read him, you're sure he’d push you away.
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Scrubbing hard at the dishes, you cursed myself for being so bad at rock, paper, scissors. Yes, it’s a game of luck, but you must have the worst luck in the world to always lose to Lee Haechan. You could hear him snickering at the dining table behind you, smacking on the marshmallows they were about to roast. 
“Haechan! Stop snacking and bring those outside,” Jaemin snapped, coming in to bring in more dishes from dinner. 
“Yessir!” Haechan mocked a salute and scrambled outside to where Mark and Jenn were setting up the campfire. Jeno and Sumin were looking for more firewood and Renjun went to take a post-dinner nap. 
Jaemin bumped you with his hip, scooting you over as he started rinsing your dishes.
“You’re helping?” you asked, shocked that someone would willingly wash dishes. 
“Should I stop?” He smiles, threatening to let go of the plate.
“No! No. No. I appreciate the help.” 
Jaemin laughs, “That’s what I thought.”
You both stand there quietly washing what felt like millions of dishes. Spending time alone with Jaemin was never uncomfortable, but there were always moments when your mind gets in the way and you think about what he knows. 
It’s like he can read your thoughts because he suddenly asks, “Is this trip gonna be okay for you?“
Suddenly hyper-focused on the crust of the pan, you didn’t dare make eye contact with him. 
“What do you mean?”
Jaemin takes the pan from you and starts scrubbing himself. You instantly occupy yourself with another dish.
He sighs, “I mean, usually when we set the two up, we’re never actually there to witness how it goes. It must suck to watch them laugh and be happy like that.” His words burn.
You hiss at the realization and almost drop the cup you were gripping. Jaemin tuts and grabs the cup from your hand. His hand on your wrist is tight, begging you to look up. You chew on your inner cheek, hesitantly lifting your eyes to match his. 
“It’s only the first day, but we have a whole week. If you ever need to get away from all of this, you find me, okay?” The brown in his eyes is warm and inviting, and his facial structures soften when he’s talking to you. He’s chewing on his bottom lip and you could see how nervous he is for you. You slowly release his grip from your wrist and you hold his hand lightly.
“Thank you, Jaem. But I’ll be okay. I’ve made it this far,” You meekly smile. Your eyes darted to the side of his face to look outside the window where Jenn is throwing marshmallows up in the air for Mark to catch. He looks so happy. Maybe even in love. And that look wasn’t for you. The ache in your chest returns and you hope Jaemin doesn’t catch on. You don’t know what it is that made you so sensitive in this moment, but your vision blurred slightly with tears. 
“You sure about that?” He teases, wiping the tear that managed to slip. 
“You’re gonna get soap in my eyes,” you scowl, but laugh at how pathetic you're being. He gently blows the suds off your face and you could feel them being replaced with a peachy rose tint on your cheeks.
“C’mon, let’s hurry. They’re gonna eat all the marshmallows and your terrible scrubbing is slowing me down. Jesus, Y/N, I’m finding so many missed food spots.”
Your jaw dropped and you scrubbed harder, “It’s dark in here and my arms are tired from driving! Leave me alone.”
Jaemin looks at you from his peripheral to see you practically scrubbing the varnish off the plates and he smiles. He hopes you'll be okay, but also a part of him hopes you'll seek comfort in him if needed. Was that too much or too selfish to wish for?
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
For the rest of the glamping days, you're unintentionally glued to Jaemin’s side. Every activity planned for this trip ended up with you being paired up with him: paddle boarding, hiking, cliff jumping, grilling, and so on. Every partner assignment was decided by rock, paper, scissors, and somehow the two of you kept doing the same one. Some would say it's fate, but Jaemin would call it cheating. He was lucky that Renjun hasn’t caught him changing his hands last minute to copy yours. Truth be told, Jeno noticed a while ago, but decided to let his best friend have his fun. 
The universe likes to play its games too. And that’s how you ended up being partnered with Mark for canoeing. You almost fought it till you saw how happy Jenn was to canoe with Sumin. Mark simply shrugged and grabbed two life vests for you guys.
He offered to strap it in for you and you were looking at everything but his face. Unfortunately, you could still feel the steady rhythm of his breath catching up to the racing of your heart. 
“I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages,” Mark said to break the ice. It was true though. Your wing woman duties on this trip were basically minimal as the group joined efforts to get the two together at all costs. It took a lot off of you and you were happily distracted by Jaemin. 
“I bet you got a lot of talking done with Jenn though.” you gave him a closed mouth smile, trying to find the positives of your distance, for his sake and yours.
Mark looked at you with anything but happiness. Shouldn’t he be happy? At this rate, Jenn and he are close to making it official. 
“I just missed you,” Mark stated like he was releasing air from his lungs. You had your shield up and you were ready to combat it with another sentence about how well his love life is looking. But you saw the look in his eyes and the way his body looked defeated. You tightened the strap on his life jacket and patted over his heart.
“I missed you too,” you replied. It was something you weren't letting yourself admit this entire week. Like fireworks, a smile instantly erupted on his face and he grabbed your hands from his straps, giving your palm a swift kiss before dragging you to your boat.
Your insides screamed at his gesture and your legs failed to move as you stumbled after him. It was like you were in a Mark drought and he was the single drop of water you needed to beg for more. 
The remaining of the afternoon was spent paddling in circles and laughing till your throats were dry at your horrible rowing skills. An oar was even lost in the process. Mark also clumsily fell in while trying to reach for a duck. Being the good person you are, you jumped in after him so he wasn’t alone. Admittedly, it looked more fun than sitting in one place on the canoe. 
Mark cackled at the life jacket forcing you to bob up and down in the water, making you look like a little kid drowning. 
“You look so stupid,” he says in the middle of laughing, accidentally swallowing some lake water.
“Jerk!” you splashed him and he’s sputtering, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. His jaw drops when he realized what you did and he looks at you so seriously. Your hands are ready to splash him again and the water fight begins. You're hurling water toward each other for a good five minutes before he concedes, whining about potentially losing a contact. 
You swim towards him, grabbing his face to check his eyes. His contacts were very clearly still intact. You're about to call him out for lying when he suddenly spits water onto your face. 
“Marcus Lee.” you threaten him, still holding onto his face. Your eyes are shut in disgust. 
You wipe the water off your face and open your eyes to see him grinning evilly. 
“That’s not even my name,” Mark giggles.
“‘Mark Lee’ doesn’t have the same impact,” you shrug, moving your hands to his shoulders to stay afloat. 
He smiles fondly, holding onto your elbows lightly. The feeling in his chest felt as good as the sun resting on his backside. The warmth of the sunset reflected off your lake-soaked cheeks, plump from laughing, and something stirred in his chest. Something a little too similar to the feeling he was forcing when he was with Jenn. It was the feeling Mark had wished he felt when with her. 
Scared of this new emotion, he let go of you and scrambled to climb back into the canoe. He quickly mumbled about wanting to get back before it got dark. You floated there a little confused by his urgency, but followed suit anyways. He tossed you a towel and out of nowhere gained the skills of a professional rower and got you back to the shore in no time. Without even looking back, he trudged towards the cabin, leaving you with the setting sun, cold and confused.
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
“So he just left you there?” Renjun asks, scrolling through Netflix to pick a show to watch. It was just the two of you since the rest were too tired from today’s activities.
“Mhmm. It was so weird.” 
“I can check up on him in the morning since he’s asleep now. But he probably just had the shits. You know Mark.” He finally settled on an episode of New Girl.
You took a sip of your hot cocoa and pondered the chances. “Mmm true.”
Renjun laughs at your agreement and grabbed a blanket for the both of you.
“But you both had fun, right?” He asks, not really paying attention to the show at all. It seemed like he just wanted to talk and you were fine with that.
“Yeah, I mean we didn’t spend much time together this trip which is pretty rare for us. But you know, The Operation takes priority,” you took another sip to clear the knot that suddenly formed in your throat.
“You probably missed him a loooot, huh?” Renjun hid his smirk behind the mug.
“A normal amount… what are you grabbing at?“ you narrowed your eyes at him and leaned back, surveying his body language. He looked like he was holding something in.
“Oh my god,” he bursts. “Can you just tell me already?” He sets his cup down and grabs your forearms.
“Huh? Tell you what?” Where is this coming from?, you think. You set your cup down too out of precaution.
“I’m not stupid, Y/N. I know you like him, so I need you to confirm it so we can talk freely,” he waved his hands in the air like he was a therapist trying to get you to spill. You almost laughed at how ridiculous he looked.
Your hand slapped against his mouth and you did a quick look around the room. No peeping heads.
“How did you figure it out?“ you whisper-screamed. You could feel the very foundation of Mark's and your friendship crumble. 
“Imph phnot phstupidmph,” He muffles out.
“Huh?” You question stupidly and he glares at you, sharply pointing at your hand. “Oh, duh.”
Renjun clears his throat, “I said I’m not stupid. And considering how much time Jaemin has been spending with you, I’m guessing he knows too.” You look at the wall behind his head, feeling guilty.
“I don’t know why you would tell him before me though. We were lab buddies first before you met Jaemin. Not fair, Y/N.” He huffs, crossing his arms. If the security of your love life wasn’t falling apart at this very moment, you would’ve found him endearing.
“Do you think anyone else has figured it out?” you ask.
“No, I’m like the only smart one,” Renjun scoffs.
“Wrong!” A voice booms from the hallway. Haechan walks in yawning, fully decked out in a matching set of pajamas. He takes a swig from Renjun’s hot cocoa, earning him a smack. 
He sits down to your right and smiles, “I found out like 2 weeks after you and Mark met.” 
“Damn, you found out before Jaemin did,” You admitted. Not even shocked or worried that a third person knows, You sat there dumbfounded.
“Yesss!” Haechan pumps the air and proceeds to take another sip but this time from your cup. You tsked and gave him a flick before grabbing your mug back.
“Okay, so now what?” Renjun asks like there was more to this.
You furrowed your eyebrows, “What do you mean ‘now what’?”
Haechan doesn’t even look surprised but Renjun is staring at you like you offended him.
“You’re just… not gonna do anything? Ignore your feelings?” Haechan nodded along with Renjun’s questioning. The angel and the devil on your shoulders, or should I say devil and devil.
“Renjunie, that’s what I’ve been doing, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. I’m the wing woman. I’d be betraying my duty.” You said this like a mantra, a mantra you're been telling yourself for the past few months.
“What about the duty to your heart?” 
“Gross,” Haechan chimes in. It earned a scrunch of your nose and a weird look. 
“I regretted it the minute I said it,” Renjun slouches defeatedly. 
“Look, I appreciate the concern. Jaemin gives me these talks all the time, and trust me, it won’t change my mind. I love Mark too much to get in the way of his happiness. And all for what? Because I have these feelings? That’s ridiculous.” 
Haechan and Renjun looked at you with even more pity in their eyes, which is more than you usually see from Jaemin.
“What?”
“It’s worse than I thought,” Haechan whispers.
“You love him.”
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
On the morning of the last day, you notice Mark is avoiding you at all costs. He’s even avoiding Jenn. Everyone was packing up the car and he completely took over, not letting anyone touch the luggage or the car. You tugged Renjun to the side to ask what was up and he simply shrugged, saying he doesn’t know what was going on. 
When you all make your first pitstop, You and Jaemin are buying snacks for the group. You see Mark staying in the driver’s seat, claiming that he can go the whole way. Both of you give each other concerned looks and Jaemin says he has an idea.
His idea ended up being you switching places with Haechan to sit in the passenger seat, much to his complaints about getting car sick. He does not get motion sick, by the way, especially as the man who has ridden all the rides at Six Flags not once, but twice in one day. 
The only time Mark looks at you is to see you climb into the passenger seat. From then on, his grip on the wheel is tight and his eyes are trained on the road. You even offer to do directions for him, but he immediately declines. His cold behavior leaves a weird feeling blooming in your chest and you almost feel sick, regretting the decision to buy a gas station hot dog.
A few hours passed and Haechan and Renjun are knocked out from their endless karaoke and the rest of them followed suit after finally getting some peace and quiet. 
“Hey,” you whisper to Mark. “Mark.”
His eyebrows perk up, maybe not expecting you to initiate conversation. “What’s up?”
“Are you good?”
He nervously twists his hands around the wheel. “Yeah, dude. I’m fine.”
You looked him up and down, not believing him at all. “Then are we good?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?” He says with a hint of offense. You grip the sleeves of your hoodie a little tighter. He’s never talked to you this way. 
“I-I don’t know. You just seem a little off today, that’s all.” You half confessed. He’s more than just a little off. His behavior was making the air tense and you wished Jaemin didn’t convince you to take the front seat. You chose to stare out the window instead.
“Y/N, there’s nothing wrong. I’m just missing my space, okay?” Mark says sternly, giving you the affirmative sign to leave him alone. Tears instantly prick the corner of your eyes at his tone. Mark has always been a cheerful presence in your life so for these words to be spat at you like this… It felt horrible. It felt like his bad mood was your fault. You tug the hood of your jacket up further and you turned away from him even more, not wanting to make it worse.
“Sounds good,” you managed to mutter, popping in your headphones so you didn’t have to hear any more from him.
Mark spares a glance at you and his eyes instantly soften. Something in his chest twists at the way you're turned away from him, in his favorite hoodie. Jaemin is looking from the seat behind; he’s been watching. He sighs and reminds himself to switch places with you at the next pitstop. 
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Finals season hits the minute you all get back from your trip and the only time your group meets up is to study in the library. Mark, who is usually a huge advocate for group studies, is suddenly a solo studier. You haven’t seen him in a week and when you sought out Jenn, she reports the same thing. 
Thankfully and unfortunately, your finals were extra rough this semester and you essentially had no time to worry about him. Occasionally, you'd send him texts with your class notes to check up on him, but all you'd get in response is a simple thumbs up. 
Jaemin decided to change the scenery and study at a cafe near campus. He had two more exams left, but you only had one so you were definitely more relaxed than he was. You ordered a slice of cake and a pastry and munched away as he tackled his workload. You occasionally fed him bites here and there.
An hour into the study session, the food settled in your stomach as well as the repressed feelings about Mark. You twirled your straw as you stared at Jaemin typing, trying to decide if now was a good time to bother him.
“You’re staring,” He says, continuing to type. 
“Yup.” you say, popping your lips. 
“Is my handsomeness not blinding?” He smirks, eyes still on his screen. He wiggles his eyebrows teasingly.
You gag and shove a spoon of cake into his mouth. “Nevermind, no more talking. I don’t wanna throw up the food I paid for.”
He laughs and finally lifts his hands off the keyboard. Jaemin takes a sip of his deadly concoction with eight shots of espresso to wash down the cake and raises his eyebrows.
“You can ask, you know?”
You roll your lips in and tap at the table, suddenly too shy to ask.
“Okay, then I’ll just assume and answer. Mark is… weird. Mark’s not really acting like himself right now if I’m being completely honest,” Jaemin admits. He’s lazily poking his ice with the straw, waiting to see your reaction. 
“Hmm,” you pretend to ponder his words, suddenly struck with worry. Even though you're still hurt by his actions from the ride back and his sudden desire to avoid you for a week, you can’t help but care. It was almost annoying how much you want to text him, despite his lack of interest in you. It annoyed Jaemin more.
“Why do you do this to yourself?” 
Your eyes perked up, shocked by Jaemin’s change in tone.
“He dismissed you on the car ride back. He’s ignored you this entire week. He doesn’t even say thank you when you send him your notes. Why-” He shakes his head, aggravated. “Why are you still worrying about him?”
“Jaemin… you know why.”
“Listen, I love Mark like a brother. But he doesn’t deserve you. You’ve done so much for him with this whole Jenn situation, it’s just not fair to you.” Jaemin says this so seriously, you feel frozen in my spot. You’ve probably heard these words leave his mouth a million times, but today it felt different. His words weighed differently. 
“I don’t know what else to do, Jaemin. This is the only thing I can do. It’s the only thing I know how to do.”
“He’s not even appreciative of it!” Jaemin pushes further, growing more desperate to have you hear his words, praying they stick this time. “You don’t need to put yourself through this for his sake.”
You're flattening a piece of the cake with a fork as you actually consider his words. With Mark distancing himself, your mind feels a little clearer, more room for thoughts. 
“I wouldn’t be friends with him in the first place if I didn’t agree to be his wing woman. It’s why I’m in his life in the first place. I’m… I’m too scared to risk it.” 
Jaemin decides he’s had enough and shuts his laptop, too angry to work. “You’re an idiot if you think he’s only keeping you around because you’re close to Jenn. Why do you value yourself so little? Do you think we’re just friends because we’re both in Operation Jump Jenn? No, Y/N. We’re friends because I like you.”
Jaemin sucks in his breath, at his poor word choice; he looks like he’s in pain. If only she knew I meant it differently, he thinks to himself. 
He continues, “So why would Mark, after all this time, not think of you as more than just a wing woman?” 
The area around your eyes sting and you could feel yourself fighting back tears. Your lips tremble, choking back a sob. Jaemin’s eyes widen and his hands twitch wanting to hold yours, but he pulls himself back.
“I still can’t tell him. Things won’t be the same.” 
The look of pity Jaemin usually gives you is replaced by frustration, and maybe some disappointment. You fidget under his stare, tightly wrapping your arms around your waist. He shakes his head.
“Mark doesn’t deserve you if he leaves you after finding out how you feel. You really think he’d do that? Do you think that lowly of him?” He rests his hands on the table and he looks at you, urging you to try to defend yourself. But his words sink deeper. He’s right, do you really think that lowly of Mark?
You sighed in defeat and in exhaustion. You were at a loss for words, having your thoughts psychoanalyzed in front of you. You don’t think lowly of Mark at all. Shouldn’t you have more faith in him? In us?, you think.
“Why do you have to be so smart?” you glare at Jaemin. He immediately relaxes, smiling in return. He was staring at you for so long, trying to figure out what was going on inside your brain. He was on the edge of his seat, terrified that you'd drop him for his candor. Or that you caught on to his little confession.
He shrugs in response, “Pre-med.”
“You’re annoying,” you laugh, giving his foot a kick. Jaemin laughs with you and opens up his laptop again. You both work for another minute before he stops to look up at you again.
“Hey. I’m sorry if I went too far.” Instead of grabbing your hand, he traps one of your legs with his two. He swings it back and forth with a pout on his face, begging for you two to be okay.
“No, no, I needed that. Thank you for looking out for me.” Your chest warms, knowing that you have someone as lovely as Na Jaemin on your side. 
You lean forward and pinch his cheek, “How’d I get so lucky with a friend like you?” 
His face falters for a second before snapping back into a smile. He playfully licks your hand and you pull it back in disgust.
“You got me for life unfortunately.”
“Mmm, unfortunately,” you fake pout. 
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
After your talk with Jaemin, it took you embarrassingly two days to figure out what to do next. Mark still isn’t talking to you and as much as it pains you, it’s actually given you the space to think. You finally decided to do something you should’ve done months ago.
“Do you like Mark?”
Jenn chokes on her sandwich and you scramble to hand her a glass of water, patting her shoulder lightly. Maybe you should’ve timed that better.
“Huh?” There was something swirling around in Jenn’s eyes. Confusion. Pure confusion. It was not what you expected at all. 
“I don’t know, do you like Mark?” you repeated, bracing yourself for her answer. 
She looked at you and did a quick once over. Jenn realized you were serious and brushed the crumbs off her hands before settling in her lap. 
“Mark’s cool. He talks a lot. The only reason we hang or talk is because of you and the boys. That’s kind of what it feels like for me and Mark. I don’t know… sometimes his behavior towards me feels forced. I thought he was just acting this way because I’m your best friend.” She took a sip, looking up and thinking about what more she could say about Mark Lee. 
“Wait. What do you mean by that?” The pit in your stomach appears. Did she figure out The Operation?
“Isn’t he just getting on good terms with me because he likes you? I don’t like him, by the way.” Jenn let those words flow out of her mouth as if it was the only thing to say. Like this is how she felt for months. 
“Huh?!” It was your turn to be confused. Never in your friendship with Mark have you considered your feelings being returned. You also never expected it to be implied by the person Mark is literally crushing on. 
“Wait. Was that not obvious? Every time Mark and I hung out, it just felt… like he was looking for something in me. It was strange. I just assumed it was because he wanted to look good in your eyes like ‘Hey! I’m buddy buddy with the bestie of my crush!’” She waved her fork in the air as she spoke and finally stabbed it into a potato wedge for a bite. 
“This is insane.” you sat there, appetite gone. Jenn never reciprocated feelings towards Mark. Jenn thought Mark liked me?, you thought. It felt like your efforts and feelings from the past few months were tumbling down. You were a step away from a spiral.
“What’s insane is that you thought I liked Mark. Don’t you like him?” 
You suddenly started choking on your spit and Jenn was quick to hand you a glass of water. 
For the rest of the meal, you explained everything to Jenn. From Mark approaching you in class, Haechan coming up with the horrible operation name (to which she gagged), and Jaemin’s talk with you from the other day. She was taken completely by surprise. To be fair, Jenn has always been pretty and has had people of all genders try their hand at flirting with her. She’s always been numb to it, so it’s not surprising that Mark and his loser-like charm didn’t come across as romantic. You use the word ‘loser’ in the nicest way. 
At the end of it all, Jenn is furious.
“I can’t believe he’s ignoring you. And for no reason? After all you did for him? Albeit, it didn’t work, and I hope you never try to set anyone else up with me ever again.” At that, you gave her a guilty smile and offered to buy her boba. 
“Deal. Anyways, that’s fucking ridiculous. What’s his problem?”
“I don’t know,” you said, picking at your fries. “He asked for space so I’m just gonna give it to him.”
Jenn nods and you avoid her pity stares.
“Jenn… I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I lose him, even as a friend. I-I really like him and I’m so so scared. Like the only two ways I can see this going is him continuing to ignore me and we drift or… or I listen to Jaemin and be honest with him about how I feel. And then he decides to stop being friends with me.”
“Okay, the second one is bullshit. You know Mark wouldn’t do that. He’d freak out, yeah, but he wouldn’t cut you off for that.” She scolds you, before taking another bite of your fries.
“I know. I knooow. But it’s still a fear I have. I’m telling you I’d rather be his friend and make a permanent home in this one sided love affair if it means I can still be in his life. That’s how insane my mind is.” You plop your head in your hands and let out what felt like a four-month-long repressed groan. 
“Y/N. You are probably the worst person for yourself.” Jenn clicks her teeth before hand-feeding you a fry, which you sadly munch on.
You sigh, “Yeah…”
“Yeah,” Jenn winces, before pulling you in for a hug.
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Mark Lee is spiraling. 
“No because when she looked at me when we were out on that lake, I swear my heart was on steroids. I felt like my whole body was covered in tiny hearts and they were all beating at the same time. It was insane.”
“Uh huh,” Haechan mutters another one word response for what felt like the hundredth time today. He flipped through another page of the magazine before tossing it and reaching for Mark’s Nintendo switch. He shook it in Mark’s face as he paced back and forth.
“Huh? Oh yeah, go for it. Anyways, and when we drove home that day, dude, you should’ve seen the look on her face. I hurt her so bad, but it was like my body was on auto-pilot. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Like my brain and my heart were so confused. Because I like Jenn. I like Jenn, right? But why don’t I get those tiny hearts with her?”
“I don’t know, man. Damn, I can’t catch this stupid spider.” Haechan curses, twiddling his thumb on the remote trying to find joy in Animal Crossing.
“And now I’m not talking to both of them. But it doesn’t feel like I’m avoiding Jenn, but I can feel that I’m avoiding Y/N and it’s killing me.”
“Then. Talk. To. Her.” Haechan enunciates every time he hits a button on the switch.
“Who?” Mark asks, dumbfounded. Mark has had this same exact conversation with Haechan at least twice a day for the past week. If he wasn’t studying, he was bribing Haechan with food to come to his apartment to ramble. 
“Stupid spider,” Haechan slams the game on the couch cushion. “And stupid you. How many times do you have to circle around these same thoughts before you figure it out? Do I really have to say it, Mark? I’m trying to save you the embarrassment of admitting something so obvious.” He leans back, crossing his arms to assert some dominance in this situation. It’s ridiculous how many times Haechan has been tricked by food and games to be trapped in Mark’s apartment for the second time today. 
Mark just blinks, mouth slightly agape.
Haechan tilts his head, poking his cheek with his tongue. He raises his eyebrows, urging him to think just a little harder.
Mark finally looks up, as if a new thought crossed his mind. He gasps softly.
He covers his mouth as he mumbles, “No way…”
Haechan rolls his eyes at his dramatics, “Yes way.”
Mark pokes himself hard in the chest, “Do I like Y/N?”
“And he figures it out!” Haechan sarcastically cheers, clapping his hands. “Now can you buy me some actual food please?”
“No no no. Sit down. Because now we need to discuss this.” Mark starts pulling at his hair, even more stressed out than he was before.
“Oh my GOD,” Haechan screams. “What is there to discuss? You like her! Go tell her!”
Mark’s eyes bugged out as if Haechan turned into a mythical being. “Are you insane? No, scratch that. Am I insane? I started talking to her because I liked her best friend. I asked her to help me get close to her best friend. Our entire relationship is essentially built on this crush and you want me to tell her that I like her? Oh god, she has to hate me. She definitely hates me.” 
Mark stopped pacing and dropped to the ground in a squat. He’s full-on gripping his hair and Haechan is just watching. He forgot that Mark technically doesn’t know she likes him back and he pities him for a second before thinking he’s stupid again for not noticing. Everyone noticed. 
Mark finally raises his head and his face is left with tear trails. Haechan gets up immediately and wraps his arms around Mark’s shoulders.
“Oh, Marky,” Haechan sighs.
“Shit.”
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Mark (anatomy): hello!
Mark (anatomy): hi
Mark (anatomy): hey
Mark (anatomy): oh God sorry. I didn’t know which one to send and i accidentally sent them all
Mark (anatomy): HAHAHAH uhhh…
Mark (anatomy): can we talk? I wanna apologize in person.
You couldn’t help but laugh rereading Mark’s texts from this morning as you waited for him at the park. It took you an hour on your own and a 30-minute encouragement session with Jenn to work the confidence to agree to meet him. As nervous as you were to hear what he has to say, you missed him most of all and just wanted to see him. You sat on the second swing on the right, the same one you sat in when the two of you met outside of class the first time.
“Y/N?”
“Oh! Hi,” You got up from the swing to greet him, feeling a bit awkward. You could sense he felt weird too. 
You and Mark are simply classmates. You've been paired up in group projects a couple of times in class and when you see each other on campus, you both timidly wave. But most of the time, you're staring at the back of his head in class, wondering what it’d be like to sit next to him and talk.
So when he asked for your number and texted to meet at the park, your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. Could he see you boring holes into his head or does he look at you the same way?
You wiped your hands on your dress and clasped them in front of you as he stood in his spot, about two feet away.
Why did I wear a dress?, you thought. This is so embarrassing. I look like I’m dressed for a date.
“You look nice,” He says, smiling to break the ice and simultaneously ridding you of your fashion doubts.
“Oh. Thanks,” you force a laugh, also trying to break the ice. “Um, why did you ask me to meet at a park?”
His eyes lit up and he chuckled, “I thought it’d be a good place for some scheming. You know, like in the movies.”
You blinked a few times, not quite catching on. “Scheming?”
He took the swing next to you and sat down. You copied his actions, twisting to look at him. He kicked up to catch some air and swung slightly.
“Okay, this is going to be weird, because I know you barely know me.” Not true, I thought. “But I wanted to ask you a favor. Half of my friends think I’m a dick for this and the other half say that you look understanding, so maybe I should give it a shot. Jaemin was super against it though, so I feel like I’m about to pee my pants right now. I thought about it for like two days and decided, you know what? It wouldn’t hurt to see how you felt, so here I am.” He used his feet as breaks as he finished his ramble to look at you, to seriously look at you.
Your grip on the swings tightens and you can smell the rust smearing on your palms. You can’t believe you get to see your crush this close to your face and he wants to ask you a favor. Your chest feels bubbly with anticipation. You nod, asking him to continue.
“I like Jenn.” The bubbles pop.
“O-oh,” you say. Your mouth has gone completely dry and the wind picked up to blow strands in your face. You quickly brush them away and swallow.
“You… you like my Jenn?” I tightly tuck the strands behind your ears, trying to compose yourself. He giggles and picks up a loose one to help. Mark Lee, what are you doing to me?, you think.
“Yeah. I wanna get closer to her and I know you guys are friends.”
“Best friends,” you clarify, hesitantly.
“Right, right. I know this is insane and I’m like completely using you. So feel free to say no to helping me. You can probably see how desperate I am, but I also can take rejection pretty well! I think.” He tousled his hair with his hand and reoriented himself. 
Clearing his throat, Mark admits, “I’m not… I’m not the best with girls. My game is off completely and I think I really like Jenn. So I thought I’d try. I wanna try. I just don’t know where to start. So I’m sorry if I’m going the wrong way about this or if I offended you.” He huffs. The boy-next-door charm you always see him carry around campus fades and he looks defeated. Despite the slight crack I feel in your heart, it swelled looking into his eyes. He must really like her.
“I’ll help you.”
Mark perked up, his whole body shaking the swingset. “What? Really?” His toothy grin returns and your heart lurches knowing it was partly because of you.
You nod, “Mhm. You seem nice, I think Jenn would like you.” I like you, you thought.
He gets up and tackles you on the swings with a hug. You fall backward and he quickly catches the back of your head before it hits the ground, eyes wide in fear.
“Oh my god, I almost killed you,” he laughs in disbelief. You’re gonna be the death of me, Mark Lee.
“Y/N!”
You almost drop your phone, looking up to meet the eyes of the boy that avoided you for almost two weeks. You thought you'd be overcome with anger, but you weren't. Instead, you felt exactly the same way you felt the first day at the park. Nervous.
“Hey,” you smiled slightly, not getting up from your spot. Mark falters slightly noticing your cold front. He stumbles on the woodchips as he walks over to the swing next to you.
You two swing slightly in silence and you're beating yourself up in your head for not having the courage to curse him out. Jenn prepared you to go off on him and you can’t even open your mouth, you whine to yourself. The more you two sit here, honestly, the angrier you get. Shouldn’t he be saying something? He called you out here in the first place. Before you could utter a word, Mark finally clears his throat. 
“I’m sorry.”
You lift your head to look at him, the first look at him since you took some time apart, and your heart already races when you meet his eyes. You know you're doomed when all the anger suddenly dissipates. You almost want to laugh at how silly this situation is. You still don’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.
“You’re probably confused as to why I’ve been avoiding you. At first, I didn’t know why either. And I know that ignoring you without telling you why wasn’t the move, but it helped me figure it out.” He broke eye contact with you and he started to fiddle with the rings on his fingers. His eyebrows are furrowed and he looks frustrated.
“I did it because I was scared. I was scared because I don’t like Jenn anymore. I’m starting to think I never did.” Mark confesses and he looks upset with himself. You get a good look at his face and you notice the eyebags, the pallor, and his chapped lips. He looks exhausted. You wonder if you look the same.
He sniffles. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I literally put you through all of this just for me to realize I don’t even like her. I used you. And I feel selfish because I still want you in my life.”
“Mark…,” you finally speak, your throat feels rough as if it’s been days. “I have to tell you something.” Your voice came out like a whisper, but it was all the strength you had.
He looks up, a signal to continue.
“As shitty as it was for you to ignore me for over a week, it let me do some thinking too,” you sigh, not wanting to say what comes next. “I don’t think we can be friends right now. And-and don’t worry, it’s not because of the whole 'you befriending me for Jenn' thing. I don’t want you to feel guilty for that because I honestly feel so grateful to have been your friend. I hope, I guess, you feel the same way. But, uh, it’s actually because… it’s because I like you, Mark.”
His jaw drops slightly and his eyes widen, almost like he forgot how to function. It was almost cartoon-like. 
“Yeah,” you awkwardly laugh. “I’ve actually liked you from the start, and I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty. I just thought you should know — to help you understand. Anyways, I realized how hard it is for me to be friends with you when I have these feelings for you. It wouldn’t be fair to me, and I’d be dishonest to you if I continued being friends with you under the guise of purely platonic intentions, you know? I really, really hope you understand.” 
You let out a breath, half relieved and half anxious. After rehearsing that a few times with Jenn, you didn’t expect the words to come out so smoothly. Especially when he’s staring at you like this. However, your pride fades as you wait for his response, a response that determines the future of your relationship.
“I don’t understand,” Mark says firmly. He’s shaking his head trying to wrap his mind around all of it. It feels like a rejection.
“Mark,” you whine, not wanting him to finish his thought -- to spare yourself the awaited pain.
“No, I don’t understand because… because I like you too.”
Heat immediately flushed throughout your chest as you heard the three words you never expected to come out of Mark’s mouth. Your mouth is itching to smile, but a part of you feels doubtful still, weighing down the corners of your lips.
“Are-are you sure? Like are you sure your mind isn’t tricking you into thinking you like me because you realized you don’t like Jenn?” You lean in, close to falling off the swings. You look at him with so much seriousness, but he meets you with a giggle.
“If my mind was tricking me, it’s awfully persistent. I think… in trying to get Jenn to like me, I started to fall for you,” Mark says as if he’s putting the last piece of the puzzle down.
“The image I had of Jenn wasn’t what I expected and I think, while in denial, I was forcing it onto her. I was trying so hard to have real feelings for her, but I think I was also still trying because it meant I got to be with you. Our friendship was contingent on me getting with Jenn, so I guess I was subconsciously scared of losing us… But at the same time, deep down, I wanted more than just a friendship with you.”
Mark looks at you and he offers the widest smile like he found his answer. A smile that ignites the fuzzy fire in your body even more. Your heart is racing so loud you can’t even hear your thoughts.
“Marcus Lee, I didn’t know you had those words in you,” you giggle, trying to soften the conversation.
He shrugs, “Dude, I didn’t think I did either. I just really like you, Y/N. And to be honest, Haechan helped a little.”
As quickly as the happiness came, it washed away just as fast. No matter how ecstatic you were to hear Mark say he likes you back, you couldn’t stop the disgusting doubt that lingered in your mind. You’ve always been in wing woman mode around him, and trying to imagine another scenario where you're the girl he wants is harder than you thought.
“Mark?” you turned to look at him.
“Yeah?” He looks at me with a different light in his eyes.
“I want to believe you, but... I can’t. I can’t really wrap my head around it, I’m sorry.” you clasp your hands together out of nerves.
He dims only a little, “No, I get it." He nods as if gathering the courage to say what's next.
"I can see how it’d be hard to believe. But I’ll prove it to you…
I won’t let you doubt my feelings.”
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
A/N: ahhh thanks for reading if you did!!! the only proofreading i did was to change from first person to second person. sorry about the mistakes but thank you for enjoying it if you did <3
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honeym4rk · 1 year
Text
skinship - kisses
in a relationship where your boyfriend finds physical affection rather awkward, you’d best believe it would’ve taken some time for him to warm up to the idea of skinship- skin to skin, a hand on his, cheeks crashing together as close as possible. but the patience comes at a good cost- mark has several ways to close the distance between you.
previous (lightswitch)
summary: it shouldn't be this hard to go about kissing mark.
-
something you never expected at the start of your relationship was mark’s initial hesitance to kiss you.
of course, naturally, it takes some time for two people to cross their own boundaries of comfort, to enter, invade, and conquer another’s territory of personal space. some people forego this careful caution in a budding relationship, and dive right into one another. neither you or mark are some people. 
and it’s not that you think mark is particularly bold: you know he isn’t very upfront and confident in expressing his feelings for you. you’ve known this from the very start, when his friends had to literally push him to ask you out, and the very awkward first conversation you had. you know he can get a bit shy, but part of you always thought, that every now and then, he’d have bursts of the courage that he has when he’s on stage. mark can definitely be suave, and cool, and charming, but mostly when he’s in his element and knows exactly what he’s doing.
right now, in this moment, he has no idea what he’s doing.
the credits of the Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle are starting to roll, and you’re stuck frozen in the burrow you’ve made in the fold of the sofa, head resting on his shoulder as his arm is wrapped loosely around your side. it’s been holding you like this since the halfway point of the movie- you didn’t notice, but he let out a sigh of relief and satisfaction when he succeeded in placing it there. he stretched, arms going as high as they possibly could, before his limb wandered and found its way pulling you closer to him. cliche, he knows, but a win for him nonetheless. he had to hold back his grin when you leaned into his body.
at first, you could feel his fingers ghosting the frayed threads of your jean shorts, like his wrist was stiff and his hand was afraid to open up so his palm would make full contact with the skin of your thigh. but as the movie progressed, and he constantly broke into his cute, little, hearty giggle that somehow sent his entire body into motion, his hand started to ease, fingers drumming on your supple skin, drawing circles on it, accidentally hitting it when he laughs a bit too hard.
he gulps, and breathes, “wow, that movie was not as bad as i thought it was.”
“yeah, it was pretty good.” neither of you make an effort to move out of the position. a slight shift could mean this rare moment of comforting proximity that you waited so long for would vanish in an instant, like a bubble popping after floating around in glee. so you force your head to continue facing the screen, eyes boring into the tiny, white words that are scrolling away. 
before you know it, even the credits have finally come to a close, and your eyes are fixated on the next netflix recommendation, Jumanji: The Next Level that’s about to play in 5, 4, 3, 2, 
your head snaps up to turn, still balanced on the ball of his shoulder. when you face him, you’re staring right at him. he does that stupidly attractive thing where he turns his head towards you before his eyes land on yours, and your eyes are now locked on his. you bite your lip to ease just a little bit of your restlessness, and this movement causes his eyes to dart to your lips for just a split second. 
he gulps again.
screw it, you’re gonna have to say something.
“are you gonna kiss me?” oh my god. not that. stupid, stupid, self-sabotage.
his hand flies away from your leg, retreating back to him so he can make huge, sporadic gestures that speak for his panic and awkwardness.
“uhhh, i-” his hand is rubbing at his nose, and though it’s dark and his head is turned away from you once again, the light from the television lets you see the pink tint that begins to dust his cheeks. “i mean, if you, if you, um, want me to,”
you don’t know why you find this so cute- you literally felt just as awkward as he does a second ago, but seeing him freak out somehow fortifies you to prod at him a little more. besides, you realise that if you don’t make a move now, after at least a month and a half of going out with him, mark’s probably never going to. 
your face scrunches up into a chuckle and you don’t take your eyes off him- “well, do you want to?”
“i mean, i-i totally do want to,” his hand is on his chest, and it comes down as he points at you with his thumb, “i’m just really scared that you- don’t? i don’t know,” mark leans forward from the couch to run his fingers through his hair, and you tug at his shirt sleeve multiple times to pull him back.
“i do, mark, i really do.”
“um, okay! great. cool,” he squeaks out, and his movements to almost close the gap between your faces are so mechanic, and panic settles onto his mind and his features, “oh, but i, uh, sorry if i’m a bad kisser or anything, i don’t really get much uh, practice in this, haha.”
you have to turn your face away to hold back a giggle at this cute, shy mess of a boy, before you finally compose yourself, and let one hand gently cup the side of his jaw, and reassuring, “it’s fine. sorry if i’m no good either.”
you smile, and plant the briefest kiss on the corner of his mouth. then you let go. 
“now, how was that?” 
“t-that wasn’t even a kiss!” 
“really?” you laugh, bringing your legs up onto the couch to kneel and face him completely. this time, you hold both of his cheeks in both of your hands before closing your eyes and pressing your lips on his, for a while longer now, and you’re just about to pull away when you feel fingertips ghosting up your jaw, and feel him tilt his head so that his mouth fits perfectly in the crevices of yours. 
“what about now?”
“better.”
he shifts his body to fully face you too, and your mouths meld together just a few more times, and the feeling of his fingers gripping at you, lips chasing after yours, drowns out the background noise of kevin hart bickering with dwayne johnson. you’re melted into this moment, and you don’t want it to end.
-
another thing you never really expected from mark was- well, his fear of sudden pecks, those that catch him off-guard, those that come when he least expects them to. they don’t give him any time to react, or prepare, or take a breath so he doesn’t combust when your lips touch his skin.
you’ve made out a few times with him so far in the couple of times you’ve seen him since that very night, and so you thought that he’d appreciate the quick, little kisses, but you probably shouldn’t have assumed.
he’s getting ready to leave your apartment after another movie night, and just before he walks out the door, he hugs you goodbye, and before he can pull back, you sneak a kiss on the tiny corner of his mouth that’s turned up into a smile. or at least, you try to.
he flings himself out of your grasp, head jerking back so fast and hard that you almost tumble into him from the momentum, and both of you stare in complete shock at one another.
“oh, ummm, sorrysorrysorry, haha, awwwkwaaaard!” your hands fly to the air in surrender as if you’ve been caught red-handed, and your feet take slow, tiny steps away from him.
“that’s my bad, oh my god i’m sorry,” your words are drowned out by his, and every cell in you is cringing from embarrassment and from worry and fear that you’ve done something wrong, something you shouldn't have done, did you go too far? are you stupid for thinking that would be okay?
“sorry, i, uh, i think it’s like, muscle memory to move away because haechan and the guys, well, mostly haechan, always tries to do that kinda thing. i-it’s not you! i swear! you’re great! haechan, not so, you know what i mean? like i wanna kiss you too but in that moment my body prepared for fight or flight, you know? oh my god i’m so sorry.” he’s doing that thing with his gestures again, frantically waving his hands to ensure you visually comprehend that it’s not your fault.
this revelation comes like a knife slicing through the tension that once was, and you hide your face behind your hands in relief, giggling at the stark weirdness of it all, but you also can’t shake off the tinge of sadness from the rejection. it wasn’t directed towards you, you know, but you just can’t help but feel a little taken aback by what happened. 
he grabs your wrists, pulling you towards him, and encouraging you to try again.
“okay, go on. i’m ready now. sorry. just not used to this.” his cheeks are a deep shade of red, and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.
you’re smiling throughout the entire, brief, kiss goodbye.
nearly six months have passed, and you try to give him a peck every now and then, just to see if he still retracts in fear, and you can see him tense up every time you try. 
so you stop. 
the last time you’d tried was right before he left for tour, and in your endless contemplation of your relationship (you had way too much time on your hands not to fall down the rabbit hole of thinking), you come to the conclusion that maybe it’s just something you don’t have to do to mark. with mark, for mark. besides, there are other ways to express your love for him anyways- he doesn’t cringe when you run your fingers through his hair, or when you wrap your arms around him in a bear hug from behind. probably because he doesn’t mind when his friends do it too. and it’s not like you can’t kiss him entirely, you just have to make sure he’s fully aware of the sparks that are about to fly when your lips touch, instead of the little zaps of static that come when he least expects them to, the ones that he shies away from.
-
it’s been a week since he’s returned. a week since your suffering has finally come to an end, a week since the longing that filled your entire being to the brim finally drained out when your body collided into his when you embraced after what felt like an eternity. it took everything in you not to jump at him when you saw him at your door, so instead of fighting against your growing excitement, you run straight into his arms, hopping as his hands link together to prop you up. 
it’s hard not to tear up- the sight of mark in the flesh is overwhelming and sensational and you’re burying your face into his neck, hands playing with the hair at his nape. what used to be short, clipped ends that pricked at your fingers have now grown into something like a mullet- you remember when you saw photos of him online the other day and started crying because it was a reminder of just how much time was passing without him around. you’re crying, now, too, and mark starts to giggle you can hear just how tired he is from the grogginess of his voice- “aw, babe, are you crying?” 
“no.” he tries to nudge at you so you can pull your head back, but you stick to him like a koala wrapped around a tree until he lets go of your legs and tries to tickle you.
“awwwww, nooo! you’re making me want to cry too!” he whines, and you wipe your tears away on the sleeve of your sweater before finally looking up at his face through your glossy eyes. his face has changed, too. his eyebags are puffy, his cheeks are sunken in the slightest bit, and his jawline is more prominent than you remember it to be. his face feels just a little smaller in your hands when you hold him, and you’re staring, wondering if it’s been so long that you’ve simply forgotten the tactile sense of touching him, feeling him.
before this can spur any more tears from escaping, you’re sent into overdrive, since he crashes his lips into yours. the initial shock flickers out and you take in the jolts of electricity coming at you, the storm of repressed zeal and yearning unleashing between the two of you. it’s been so long and yet you can still remember how mark kisses- when he turns his head to nip at more of you, his arms link around your shoulders, and then the next time one hand cups your face, his thumb trailing up and down your jaw, and eventually his mouth strays away from yours, and he plants kisses all over your face, trailing down to your neck, and then… he doesn’t have to tell you he missed you for you to know.
you’ve seen him almost everyday since he’s come back- he likes to come over just to catch up on sleep in your room as you study. just so you can spend a little more time in your day with one another. there have been more cuddles, more back massages (you even gave him one this time), more sitting in his lap, and he even tries to pick up the skill of braiding your hair. so far, you’ve stuck to your resolution of not stealing pecks out of the blue- so the only thing there isn’t more of is kisses. it’s good, you think- you let him initiate and then you return, so you’re sure you don’t have to take him by surprise.
tonight, you’re in the middle of submitting an assignment, when you hear your phone ping from across the room. then it pings, again and again, in succession, and you’re about to go over and read the messages before it blows up into a full phone-call, the marimba ringtone blaring through the speakers. 
it’s johnny, and in the split second before you answer the phone, you can only assume the worst has happened- you know mark’s with him, they had a company dinner to celebrate the end of their tour- what, did he get into an accident? did he pass out? did he-
“hello? y/n?” there’s a sense of urgency in his voice, and the curiosity is really starting to eat you alive.
“hey, john, what’s up? is everything okay?” you hear a groan in the background, and it turns into a long, howl-like wail that subsides into sob.
“yeah, uh, not really. you heard that? that’s uh, it’s mark. i think he’s had too much to drink, and it’s not like he’s never gotten drunk before, he’s definitely had more before, but i’ve never seen him this, uh-”
“is that y/n?!” you can hear mark hiccup, “y/n! baaaaaaby babe y/n!” he’s still crying, and you’re so worried. mark hasn’t really expressed much sadness ever since he returned, and most of the time he’s very frank with his emotions- so if he was ever sad about anything, you’d think you would’ve heard about it by now.
you can hear someone else shushing him, and johnny continues- “i think he really wants to see you right now, so can we just drop him off at yours? you can just text me your address, i don’t think he’s in a state of mind to give directions right now.” the sobbing is still ongoing, albeit a tiny bit more muted than it was before.
“um, yeah. of course. i’ll send it to you. is.. is he alright? what happened?” 
“well, i’m not very sure, actually. he was fine at the start, and then started to get all giggly like he normally does when he’s had a few glasses, and then he had a tiny bit more, and got all sappy. and now we’re uh, we’re here. he does keep mentioning that he misses you, though. which i don’t get- since i’m pretty sure he spent the entire week with you, so….”
“right….okay. thanks johnny. has he like, thrown up or anything?”
“uhh, nope. don’t think so. hopefully he doesn’t. or hopefully he does. he’ll probably feel better after.” 
“yeah. you can call me when you get here, i’ll buzz you in. see you!” 
you hang up, and are left alone only with the many questions you have, and wow, you’ve never felt more nervous in your entire life. not when you did that interview for a scholarship, or when you had your finals, or when you drove for the first time. this imminent fear is much more terrifying- especially because you were under the presumption that you knew exactly what was happening. in everything else you feared the unknown, the uncertainty of it all, but this, you feel like you were supposed to know- you thought there was nothing between you and mark, thought he was just as transparent as you had been with him.
this week had been complete bliss for you, having him in close proximity again. you’re treasuring every moment with him much more now, holding everything right to your heart, actively storing every scene of him in your hippocampus for later viewing. what could’ve gone wrong? was that not enough? what’s changed? you can only wander around your apartment as your mind runs wild. is he stressed? is this some cathartic release? does he suddenly hate what he’s doing? 
the wait is painfully long- almost making the four months without mark cease to nothing, and you try everything not to think about him. you submit the assignment, you try to beat your record on minesweeper, you watch a couple of youtube videos but lose interest, and text a close friend for emotional support. before the soul-crushing impatience can actually kill you, you hear the ringing on your intercom, and you’ve never pressed the accept button so fast. 
you don’t even wait for them to ring your doorbell. that would just cause more delay. you open the door right away, and peek outside, and the lift doors burst open and mark’s whines reverberates along the tight corridor. johnny’s carrying him piggyback, and the sight of him like this makes you so, incredibly sad- it pulls at your heartstrings and you feel suffocated by the tightening hold that it has on you. if he wasn’t so upset, maybe you would’ve laughed at how cute and snug he looks stuck onto johnny’s back.
mark’s face morphs into a giddy smile when he sees you, letting out a garbled call for you, and you greet johnny as he slips his shoes off to carry him into the living room and plop him onto the couch. you begin to untie his shoe-laces so you can get his shoes off, and you sigh, “thanks so much for your help johnny. do you need anything? need a glass of water… or?” 
“no, i’m good. taeil’s waiting downstairs, anyway.” 
you walk him to the door with mark’s shoes, placing them right at the entrance. “right. well, um, thanks again! hope you guys get back safe. i’ll see you around.” 
“yup, see you. hope he’ll be okay.”
the door is shut, and you can finally focus all your attention on the boy that’s caused you so much concern in the past thirty minutes. you sit right by his head on the couch, and when you try to get rid of the denim jacket he’s wearing, he stirs.
“baaabe?”
“hey, markie. what’s got you all upset?” you kneel on the floor so you can slip the jacket right off of him, and his swollen, tear-filled eyes are following you as you move. when you get close enough, you’re taken aback because he smooches you, missing your lips completely, and the sweet, gentle kiss lands on your chin. 
it’s the first time he’s ever done that- first time he’s ever gone in for a kiss without you looking- and you have to sit and blink to try and figure out if you’re imagining things.
his hand reaches out for you, lips still puckered as he tries again and again to kiss you anywhere on your face, and as intriguing as it is, it’s more concerning since it’s mark. your mark- the one that didn’t really seem to like it when you did this, the one who pretty much repelled away from any of the sudden pecks you gave him. 
you sweep his hair to the side, and before you can even try asking again, his hand falls limp, and he drawls, “you don’t wanna ki-kiss me anymore.” tears are starting to well in his eyes again, and you have to force yourself not to give up on how confusing this entire situation is.
“what? babe, who told you that?” you’re chuckling, but trying not to, because he’s literally about to cry ohmygodwhat. 
“yoooooou,” he whines, “you haven’t kissed me since i, i got back!”
you brush a tiny droplet from his eye with the pad of your thumb, and then go back to stroking his hair. you try not to show your incredulity, but it’s a little hard when you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. “but i have! we even kissed yesterday, mark! remember?” 
“yeaaah we kissed! but i kissed you.” he’s so funny- even as his eyes are closed and he faces the ceiling, he still has to point at himself and then at you when he says this, and then he pauses and continues, “you haven’t tried to kiss me since i left. like, reeeaaally tried. and i can’t figure out whhhhhy.” 
oh. what? 
“well, markie, right now i don’t really wanna kiss you since you’re kinda stinky,” you try to joke, but his eyes shut even tighter and he’s about to burst into tears again, “noooooo! i’ll go brush my teeth-”
“but didn’t you say you’re not used to it? i didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable. you didn’t seem to like it very much.”
“but i diiiiiid! i missed you so much when i was away,” a hiccup. “and then i felt so sad,” another hiccup. “because i remembered how sad you got the first time,” and another hiccup. “and then when i got back i was soooo excited for you to do it, so i could do it back to you, and you never did.” his mouth turns into a pout, and his nose sniffles.
this is what he was upset about? no way. there is no way he got so sad because you decided not to kiss him out of the blue anymore. it makes your heart swell in confusion- because, what the hell, mark is just, for the lack of a better word, so darn cute. you can’t believe that this, out of everything you could’ve had a miscommunication about, is what he was hiding from you. 
“awwww, i’m sorry babe. i really thought you didn’t want me to.” you coo, and lean in closer to press your lips to his forehead. “look! i’ll give you sooo many right now!” you kiss him all over his face, and the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile, and he starts to giggle, complaining that it tickles. 
“but why didn’t you tell me? i would’ve done it if you’d asked.” you begin to trace your finger all over his features, stopping at his nose to boop at it. 
he heaves out a sigh, and you can tell he is a mere minute away from dozing off to sleep with how slowly he speaks, “i dunno, it just seemed silly to tell you. but this, it’s probably even sillier.” 
you pinch at his nose. “yeah, i’m glad you know, mark.” 
you know you once said that a small peck on the lips didn’t mean much to you, but right now, it’s your favourite way of showing him you care. just the thought of both of you unknowingly reciprocating the exact same yearning for each other is so amusing, and it gives you butterflies to know just how similar you are to one another. it’s more than simple skin on skin- it’s when two lines, so parallel and alike, tend towards one another and meet in an oblique. and though these lines have to part afterwards, they curve, bend, and loop to find their way back. you’ve never believed in infinity- it’s stupid to think that anyone or anything is completely limitless- but in this moment you can only wish for your lines to join and travel endlessly.
when you return with a face towel to wipe his dried tears and snot away, you give him your sweetest, last kiss goodnight.
-
a/n: ahhhhh lol sorry for taking a while for this update (if anyone's been waiting hahahah) i was busy with exams and decided to finally take a break to finish writing this! i've started to realise that every time i start writing i feel so accomplished, and then by the time i get to the end i just feel like the end product is disappointing aaghdaghag lol
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cozyjae · 1 year
Text
lovefool- j.suh 🌻🌷💐
Tumblr media
info: johnny x reader, dad!johnny, parents au, pregnancy
wc: 2.2k
a/n: helllooooo everyone! i honestly didn’t think i would ever be back posting on this account but i rewrote this piece recently and wanted to share… just my usual pure fluff ❤️ i hope u enjoy!
Your thing with Johnny is really good, sometimes it just feels too good and too right. Everything feels like it’s fallen so effortlessly and perfectly in place. You definitely don’t want to jinx anything, but after eight months of officially dating, Johnny has been absolutely everything you wanted and needed in a guy.
It’s easy to talk to him, to laugh; to tell him anything. Johnny wants to get to know you, to understand and help you. During moments like these when you lie in bed together, when he holds your waist, and when you pet his bed head and he smiles sleepily— you never want Johnny to leave.
Johnny lays beside you now, smelling like your clean sheets and his usual wood and sea salt cologne, warm fingers tracing different patterns against your hip.
You both have been slowly convincing each other to get up eventually and tackle your lazy Sunday plans of grocery shopping and putting together your new Ikea desk. But it’s been over an hour of falling back asleep and slowly blinking awake and neither of you has made much progress yet.
“You ever think about having kids?” Johnny asks suddenly, making you glance up and twist in his arms to look at his sweet face and dazed eyes.
“Yeah,” you whisper, watching how intensely curious he looks. “Sometimes.”
You subconsciously match his small smile, thoughts of an incredibly wholesome future together making your heart unfairly twist in excitement and want. "You’d be such a good dad,” you continue and Johnny grins instantly. “Like an actual dilf.”
“You think so?”
“Oh yeah,” you laugh, hand running down his bicep, “you’d be hot, babe.”
“And like, a good dad?” Johnny emphasizes, making you bite back laughter.
“Yeah,” you admit easily, rolling over to kiss him. “Of course, you would be.” 
Johnny just looks at you like you said something entirely captivating and consuming.
“What?” You smile, pressing your lips against his jaw gently.
“I just want it so badly, I don’t know.” Johnny bends his arms to rest them behind his head. He watches you, suddenly peaceful and content. “I want so much with you.”
-
4 years later
You wake up to the muffled sound of Johnny’s voice, momentarily wondering if he’s on the phone. You smile to yourself when you listen closely and hear his softer and higher tone. You make your way to your kitchen, leaning against the doorframe, appreciating the scene in front of you. Johnny is carefully holding your daughter, Julie, with both arms, walking around the kitchen, while simultaneously trying to make eggs.
He has messy bed hair- similar to yours, a now permanent fashion statement in your household, and stubble dotted along his jaw. You listen to his soft whispers and your heart swells as your baby’s small fingers cling onto his white undershirt and her chubby hand grasps at his arm, softly patting over his floral tattoo.
Johnny has his back to you so you stay unnoticed, enjoying the serene beauty of your husband and daughter together. Julie was already almost eight months old and time felt like it was flying by, even if the sleepless nights felt long, and now, time alone and a longer than five-minute shower felt like a luxury, you couldn't and don't want to remember a time without Julie.
You love watching Johnny with her, love watching the way he so gracefully and perfectly assumed being a father, how attentive he was, and how much he doted on her and took care of you. How he started cooking most days, how he read a ridiculous amount of baby books, and how he insisted on making sure you got a minimum of a few hours of sleep a night.
You watch him bounce Julie gently, leaning against the doorframe as you smile until your daughter spots you from behind his shoulder. She reaches out and giggles with a tiny grin and Johnny turns around, mirroring her smile, which looks enduringly similar to his own.
“Need help?” You ask as Johnny laughs. “There's probably a more effective way to make breakfast but...”
Julie stretches her arms out towards you and reaches over to grab her from his hold. "Coffee?" He asks, knowing your answer.
"Yes please," you smile down at Julie, her soft hairs and long lashes. She leans her head against your chest, already comfortable in your arms. You watch Johnny stand on his tiptoes to grab a coffee mug and you press a kiss to the crown of Julie's head.
What a nice morning.
-
“Come take a picture!” Johnny says and your daughter giggles and toddles over to you, hurrying as fast as her tiny legs can carry her, bound in a large winter coat, mittens, and ear muffs. A tiny chubby arm extends out to you a wordless ask for stability and help. You smile as she struggles to wrap her small arms around your shoulders, tiny hands grasping your jacket. Her full pink cheek smushes against yours, as Johnny takes a picture, “Your first snow this year, baby!”
 “Careful,” you call, reaching out to grasp her hand as she pulls herself into you. she wraps her arm around you, hugging you tightly. you brush back a loose strand of her hair as Johnny repositions the camera, moving around for the perfect picture. 
"Snow!" Julie repeats loudly. She had just started talking and loved impressing everyone with her linguistic skills, taking her limited vocabulary very seriously as she already loved to talk and communicate with the two of you.
“Smile!” He says excitedly, grinning behind his large camera.
Julie listens, grinning with a smile that has always looked exactly like her father’s, and smushes her cheek closely next to yours. Your arm finds its way to the small of her back holding her securely as Johnny takes a picture. 
“Perfect,” he mutters, more to himself, watching his family in front of him.
-
“What’s the surprise?” Julie cries, toying with the hem of her shirt. Her anxious gaze darts back and forth between you and Johnny, upset that you both know something she doesn’t.
At three years old, Julie hates feeling like she's being excluded from something. the hardest part of her routine now attempting to convince her that it's bedtime and neither of you would dare have fun without her.
Johnny hands her a small transparent piece of film. Your daughter plays with it gently, turning it around in her palm. “What does this mean?” She questions, not able to stay still and scooting towards you with wide, curious eyes. 
Johnny holds her close to his body, wrapping an arm around her as she gives him her full attention. “It means in a couple of months you’re going to be an older sister.” Julie blinks with her mouth open, still in shock. She has friends in preschool who were younger siblings or already had younger brothers or sisters. Johnny's cousin recently had twins and Julie was completely fascinated by how tiny they were and that there were two babies.
You knew Johnny always wanted Julie to have at least one other sibling and the timing had finally felt right for the first time since Julie was born a few years ago.
 “Really?” Her voice grows louder in pure excitement, looking at you in awe before her eyebrows furrow, confused, pouting. “Why not right now?” She pouts, immediately turning to her father for an explanation. He laughs loudly, “That’s not how it works, baby," he pulls her into his lap, noting that patience is still hard a hard virtue for a three-year-old.
-
You're tucking Julie into bed a few nights later when she brings up the baby again.
“There’s a baby in there?” Julie asks, pointing to your stomach where a small but noticeable bump began to show.
“Yes sweetheart,” you laugh as she smiles widely, “wow,” her big eyes fill with excitement and curiosity. She reaches out and lays a small, warm hand on your stomach, “hi baby.”
You smile at your daughter, already knowing what a great sister she will be. She gripes the comforter tightly as she moves to your side to cuddle you closer. “Love you,” she mumbles, eyes tightly shut, trying to lull herself into sleep. 
“I love you too,” you say quietly and you eventually think she’s successfully asleep, tucked tightly next to you until she whispers cutely, “I love you baby.” You feel a small tap on your stomach and watch her gently pat your stomach. She snuggles closer, satisfied and closes her eyes for a peaceful sleep. 
-
 “Look!” Your daughter calls as she thrusts a picture towards Johnny, a pink and purple fingerprinted flower. He takes her in his arms, “for me?”Johnny asks shocked, looking at her art. Her arms find his shoulders. “No,” she giggles, “for Mommy!” She finishes, still laughing at Johnny’s reaction.                      
Johnny pretends to look hurt, pouting, “Well, can I have one too?” he asks. She thinks about it, face twisting, “Okay!” The little girl decides and Johnny’s smile grows instantly. “Thank you, baby.”
She frowns, chiding her father with a grin, “I’m not baby.” 
“You’re not?” Johnny asks surprised and she nods approvingly. “Yes, the baby is in mommy right now,” she explains, looking at him to confirm he understands.
“Ahhh,” Johnny nods knowingly, smiling tugging on his lips, “I see. You're right. So smart." Julie hides her smile, leaning against Johnny's shoulder.
“You’re still my baby though, right?" He asks as Julie buries her face into his neck, giggling. “Yes,” she laughs, muffled by the cotton of his t-shirt. 
-
The three of you watched Nemo while Julie was incredibly invested in the story, watching while sitting in Johnny's lap and letting him braid her hair. You're sitting close to them, a blanket draped over you and Johnny watches you sleep peacefully.
Julie sighs against Johnny's chest as he pats her shoulder. "Let’s go to bed, Jules."
She lets Johnny hoist her up and carry her into her room, the one down the hall from yours, with the pink walls and newly upgraded twin bed.
"Daddy," she whispers, clutching her favorite teddy bear. "Will you still love me even if I’m not a baby anymore?"
Johnny blinks and brushes back stray hairs from her face with a soft smile. "Of course, I could never not love you, never ever."
"Ok, Daddy," she smiles to herself, seemingly satisfied.
"Will you still love me?" He asks and Julie giggles.
"Yes!"
"I had to make sure!" He defends and Julie squeals, wrapping her arms around his torso and squeezing tight.
"Jules, Mommy and I will love you forever."
-
“The baby is going to be small,” Johnny explains, walking Julie through the hospital halls as she swings their arms back and forth excitedly.
“Okay,” Julie bounces. "Isn't it cool, daddy, that baby and I have the same birthday month?"
"Wow," he looks down at Julie and her bright, excited eyes, "it really is."
"But we have our own days," she continues, "I think it was meant to be." Julie decides, stopping when Johnny does, in front of your hospital room.
"I think so too," he smiles, squeezing her hand gently and opening the door carefully.
"Wow," Julie gasps, consciously trying not to run up to the hospital bed where you hold a tiny bundle.
"Hi, Jules," you smile, "do you want to meet your brother?"
She nods with wide eyes, already on her tippy toes to try and peer over the tall bed. Johnny instead sits down in the chair next to you and lifts her into his lap. "Here," he murmurs as you carefully pass over your newborn.
"Hi," Julie stares at the small bundle, "Daddy," she gasps, looking up at Johnny. She touches the baby tentatively as Johnny's arm wraps around her waist. Julie is already hyper-fixated on her sibling, on her brother.
"What's baby's name?" She whispers like she's scared of disturbing him.
"Jordan," Johnny says quietly, meeting your eyes with a small, content smile.
"Hi Jordan," Julie smiles, supporting his head gently, turning to look at you. "Do you think he already knows how much I love him?"
You nod, "I think he does." Julie nods with a smile, like that reassures her and you watch her hold her brother, feeling like your family with Johnny felt so complete.
328 notes · View notes
donkey-hyuck · 9 months
Text
UNDERSTAND:: jjh
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idol!au | uni student!reader | strangers-2-lovers!au | fluff
“maybe we could try it if you let me
take you by the hand
you’re the only one who understands” - keshi
TW: food | profanity | lowercase letters
————
~ the night had shimmied it’s way to cover the now dark sky. you and your friends were out at some seven-eleven down the suburban street, taking a break from studying and watching all of the boys play their late night games on the court.
your friends’ lover had invited the two of you to watch him and his teammates play for a bit before going back to stuff your brain of information that may or may not pique your interest.
the two of you had now been sitting on one of the old beat-up benches with your ice cream slowly melting due to the humidity of the hot summer air.
all of the boys were goofing off and constantly teasing each other and their laughs (as well as you and your friends’) echoed through the open air. however the laughing came to a brief hault when a group of about four men asked to join a game. to which the boys boisterously agreed.
the game was neck and neck. not that you were keeping count, your friend was actually doing it for them but you knew they were tied. you could feel it. and by the time someone had finally scored a point (it was a three pointer by the group of four men), everyone was wiping their sweat and congratulating them with ‘good game.’
the group of men had left their belongings on the bench the two of you were sitting on. they were all handsome, that was for sure. even in their sweaty glory. and you hadn’t realized you were staring until you felt a slight puncture in your ribs from your friend.
“hi,” said the first, who appeared to have dimples painting his already beautiful face. the man had told his friends that he would catch up with them later as he turned back to you with his undivided attention.
“hi,” you awkwardly smiled back, looking at your friend who told you she was going with the boys.
the night long carried on, and the summer night breeze felt just perfect in a moment like this. you had learned the man’s name was yoon-oh (he prefaced that he preferred jaehyun, though.)
the conversation which the two of you were having was completely and utterly random. laughs and little bits of teasing were shared, and you don’t know if it’s because of the summer air or because you had been locked up in your dorm for the past couple of days studying for your finals, but something flickered. maybe not physically but emotionally, something was there and you knew you both felt it.
unfortunately all good things must come to an end. when jaehyun had received a phone call from his manager did your encounter finally come to an end.
“oh my god, it’s already one in the morning!” he laughed, “have we really been talking for that long?”
you took out your phone from your back pocket to confirm the time. and it was almost two in the morning. you both laughed out loud, too shocked that you got carried away in your conversation that really was not important. but it was important to you, and you hoped he felt the same way.
“when can i see you again?” he asked, pupils dilated as he took in everything he could of you.
“any time you want, really,” you replied, as he took your phone out of your hand and put his number in your contacts list.
“i’ll call you,” you nodded at his words as he walks further and further away. you can feel the freedom walking away with him.
every encounter with yoon-oh has been an absolute dream. he makes you feel like you again. he makes you feel free and he makes you feel incredibly happy. and he can say the same thing about you. everyone, even the makeup artists, can tell that his mood had just been uplifted. although they, of course, don’t know the reason behind it. they also don’t know that the reason is a person— you— rather than an item.
and you remember the exact moment.
he held you close, under the stars as the condensation escapes your noses. and this moment feels different. it feels raw. you’re facing him now, and he can see all the stars reflecting in your gorgeous eyes. he laughs, looking at the ground, not believing that he’s doing this now.
“what’s wrong?” you chuckle, gaining his attention back.
“i thought i’d be too scared to ever tell you this. and to be honest, i’m still shitting my pants right now. you make me feel nervous and calm all at the same time.”
you’re confused on where he’s going with this. he’s a great friend, but friends don’t hang out the way you two do, do they? friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.
he lets out a sigh before taking a step closer and shoving his sweaty hands in his coat pocket. “i cant believe i’m doing this,” he mutters underneath his breath, although you can hear him and it makes you laugh.
“doing what?” your nose scrunches, as you observe his stance. oh no, are things going to get awkward now?
“i like you… like- a lot,” he pauses, “… and maybe- if you want- i’d like it if we tried. if we can be together because that’s all i want and i know that’s all you want. our friendship was brief, i know- and it might be even shorter after me saying this to you- but none of it matters. even if you and i aren’t meant to be, i was eternally grateful to have met you… i still am, and i think i forever will be.”
your smile lights up with every word that escapes the beautiful man’s lips. he has so much to say and you think he still has more. although you know the answer to his upcoming question.
“you understand me. in ways i never even thought of. you’ve helped me escape my shell and you’ve helped me when i never even knew i needed help. our time had been short, yet i still long to be with you for as long as you’ll have me. you understand me and my feelings, and my heart, and my soul with every fiber in your being and i don’t know how much more i can handle. please, i want to create more memories with you. but i want to create them as a couple. [y/n], will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”
jaehyun has truly never talked as much as he did that night. and you enjoyed every moment of it. with the whistling of the winter wind, the hot air escaping his lips, and the thumping sound of your heart, you knew the answer. you knew the answer when you first met, as if you knew this was going to happen.
jaehyun feels as though he was going to cry. he had never had a moment like this happen to him ever. his feelings were just too overwhelming and he didn’t no how much longer he could last. he’s looking down at the ground once more, and he hears you step closer to him. you cup the side of his face to finally catch a glimpse of him. and in that moment, he never realized how undeniably in love with you he was. every stare, every touch, and every word has meanings he will never understand. his feelings are overwhelmed in that moment. he remembers.
and it’s in that moment that he will cherish you, your relationship, and the late winter nights as you close the gap you oh-so needed to close.
you had both understood everything the other person wanted and words didn’t even have to be exchanged.
you had understood the underlying feelings you had stowed away from the man since you first met.
jaehyun understood the true meaning of life, because he now had you.
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haechurch · 2 years
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mark lee is fucking good at kissing. its just in his nature. hes a kissing god you would say. you cant help but having goosebumps all the time you two changes spit, eyes fluttered shut like youre high, finding yourself too hard to keep your eyes open from the euphoria. his tongue lapping and swirling on your lips, sucking on your tongue, wandering all over the space in your mouth. drool slipping as the two of you making out feverishly, all messy.
hands roaming all over your body, his favorite spot to rest one of his hands is on your ass. sometimes hed giving it a nice and strong squeeze too often. his neck always craning forward, eagerly catching your lips, deepening the kiss. you would end up being under him at any moment because he will pushed you either to the flat surface or nearest wall, basically wherever he can to pinned you down, caging you so you wouldnt run away (as if you would).
the only thing that makes you conscious from the buzzed as he kiss you was the sound of incredibly wet smooching along with the extremely loud beat of your heart that pulse around your head you can hear it lingering in your ears, and the heavenly marks moan.
about your heart beating, it would be no doubt that someone who stand close to you wouldnt not hear that. you bet your life that mark definitely can hear it too.
his hand that squeezed your breast move to the upper half, where your heart is thumping like crazy its literally pulsing from inside to the surface of your skin when mark giving a soft press against it as he purr,
"you know that your heart is skipping like a mad dog, arent they angel?"
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lustbile · 2 years
Note
This probably slips into dubcon but haechan who doesnt stop fucking you until you admit that you like him
I have been itching to get to this ask im not even kidding, and listen there’s nothing wrong with a little dubcon in my opinion so I hope you like it.
Warnings: mean haechan with a splash of infatuation, also seriously dubcon. it’s not too bad in my opinion but if you’re not into dubcon at all then I wouldnt read this. ultimately, reader wants it, but there’s no outright expressions of consent so
——
——
“I fucking hate you,” you say harshly as Haechan squeezes his hands tightly against your shoulders, the grin that overtakes his face being worlds different that the way you wish he’d flinch at your words. 
Haechan wasn’t a stranger, far from it actually. You had drunkenly found yourself underneath him more times than you could count, but when you both were sober and didn’t have your lips locked together, he was the bane of your existence. He was infuriating and too flirty for his own good, and he had recently developed an infatuation with staying glued to your hip every time you were unfortunate enough to be in the same room as him. 
This time though, his clinginess had gone farther than just being a slight inconvenience. You had sighed when you saw him standing in the center of the living room, enjoying all the attention of the other party goers as he made them laugh and slap him gently on the shoulders in amusement, but you sighed even louder when you saw who stood next to him. It was just another boy to anyone else, but to you, it was specifically the cute boy from your calculus class that had helped you with every problem you got stuck on and had made your heart flutter in the process. 
You were smitten in ways you couldn’t describe, he was just good and you liked good. And when you had finally gotten him alone to talk, you thought you were on the road of making him your hookup of the night, and maybe you’d even get his number in the end. That was until Haechan caught a glimpse of you two. 
He had rushed over immediately, his jealousy hidden well behind a teasing glint in his eye. To you, it just seemed like another ploy to get under your skin, and when he grabbed you and pulled you away with a lie about your friends asking for you slipping through his teeth, he succeeded.  
You scrambled up the stairs of the strange house, his hand tight around your wrist pulling you along with him as if he knew the layout of the rooms like the back of his hand. You spewed hateful words at his back as he just laughed and pulled you into a random empty room, and that’s how you ended up staring at him as he wiggled happily in front of you, wishing more than anything that you could make his head explode with just your mind. 
“No you don’t,” he argues, using his hands to shake your shoulders as you reach up to dig your nails into his wrists. 
“I absolutely do,” you say, trying and failing to pull his hands off of you, “I finally get to talk to that guy outside of class for once, and of course you come by to ruin it.”
“Oh come on, I saved you a lot of disappointment with that one,” he assures, dropping his voice to speak in a sleazy whisper, “I heard he nuts quick.”
You scoff when he shoots you a wink, finally pulling his hands from your shoulders before you try to walk away. 
“I don’t care what you’ve fucking heard Haechan,” you say over your shoulder as you turn to sulk away, “I can’t fucking stand you.”
“Me and you both know that’s not true,” he taunts, grabbing your arm and tugging you until your back slams against his chest, leaning in to whisper in your ear as you squirm against him, “you know for a fact that even if something had happened with him, you’d still would have come crawling back to me to show you what a good time really is.”
“You’re disgusting,” you say, as he walks you backwards, not liking the way your body heats up immediately at his touch.
“Maybe, but you like it don’t you?” he asks rhetorically, twisting your body and pushing you roughly to lay face down on the strange bed in front of you, “say it.”
“Say what?” you ask defiantly, trying to lift yourself up with your hands before he pushes you down again. 
“Say you like it,” he lays his palm flat into the center of your back, pushing you down into the mattress as you squirm and fight against him, “say you like me.”
“No,” you yelp with a sarcastic scoff and a laugh, “did you not just hear me, Haechan? I said I fucking hate you. I hate everything about you.”
“I heard you,” he confirms, leaning down until his face presses into the side of yours, “I just don’t believe you.”
His hand keeps you pushed into the bed while his other hand trails slowly down your side, you try to kick back at him, landing a few blows to his thighs, but he ignores it as he moves to tug at the hem of your skirt. You feel the cool air of the room on the back of your thighs when he flips the fabric up to lay across your back, and as you try to half heartedly push against him, you feel a sudden sting of pain as his palm cracks against the skin of your ass. 
“Say it,” he commands again, rubbing his hand across your now burning skin, “just admit that you like me.”
He conceals the desperation in his tone well, covering it with biting venom as he glares down at your shivering form. He’s not sure what did it, maybe it was seeing you so obviously enraptured with another man, but a sudden need for a confession from you washes over him, almost making him want to pull out his hair. 
“I hate you,” you say again, your voice breaking when he smacks you again. Your words are true, or at least you think they are, so you’re not sure why they get harder to say as your resolve slowly crumbles. 
“Wrong again,” he scoffs, shaking his head even though you can’t see it from the way your face pushes into the sheets below you. He holds back from another command, and instead he just roughly pulls your underwear until they wrap around your thighs, and starts fumbling with his belt as you grumble beneath him. 
You feel the pressure of him pushing the head of his length against your clit before he speaks again, the friction of him dragging himself against your skin making you try to sit up again. 
“If you admit that you like me,” he starts, bargaining with you as if he’s giving you any real options, “I’ll go easy on you.”
“You’re a liar,” you huff, spreading your legs when his length catches on your entrance, “you’ve never gone easy on me.”
“What can I say? I like it rough,” he confirms, shrugging before he starts to push himself into you, “and so do you. That’s why you keep coming back.”
“I only fuck you when I’m drunk,” you say, hoping to stab at his confidence but your voice trembling from the way he stretches you lessens the effect of your words. 
“You’re not drunk right now,” he counters, shallowly thrusting into you to watch the way you throw your head back, “so with that argument dead, the only thing that I can imagine keeps you under me, must be the fact that you really fucking like me.” 
You whine as he punctuates every word with another thrust, his hips smacking against your ass as your legs lose their strength beneath you. You stop trying to get up, the way he stretches you clouding your mind too much for you to keep denying liking the way he uses your body, so instead you just lay there, squirming at the way he fills you up perfectly. 
You let out a sob when his hand reaches to push at the back of your skull, pushing your face more into the sheets as he uses his hold to keep you still as he fucks you. The way his hips are tilted against you makes him hit a spot in you that makes your eye well up with hot tears, and as his thrusts speed up you struggle to keep your thoughts straight. 
“Look at you,” he scoffs as if disgusted, but deep down he knows you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, “you’re already falling apart and we just got started. So why don’t you just admit it?”
You let out grumbles of confusion as he kicks your legs farther apart, your arousal spilling past him to slip down the inside of your thighs as he seemingly fucks every memory out of your mind. You clench around him when he laughs at you again, and he’s quick to pick up on how you seem to melt at the way he handles you so meanly. 
“Just say it,” he speaks softly, condescending you as your hands grab tightly at the stranger’s sheets, “say you like me, and I’ll give you everything you need.”
You let out a babble of sounds when he stills his hips to grind against you, his length pushing fully into you as your legs twitch weakly. You don’t want to give him what he wants, but the truth crawls up your throat like a rabid animal. You thought you hated him, and maybe a part of you really does, but a bigger part loves the way he handles and speaks to you. Maybe a part of you also likes the attention he gives to you so shamelessly. 
That realization stabs at your pride. The idea that maybe the rolling eyes and annoyed scoffs you’d offer him whenever he’d come trailing after you every time he saw you across the room were some type of front, an act to hide the way your chest tightens when you see his smile. But as he rolls his hips against you, and fills you in ways you can’t imagine the boy downstairs ever could, you start to realize you couldn’t imagine your night ending any different than how it is now. 
“I’ll make it real easy on you,” he offers with empty promises as he fucks into you enough to make your thighs ache, “just repeat after me,” he continues, pitching his voice to imitate yours before he starts to mock you, “Haechan I like you so much I can’t stand it. You fuck me so well, some pathetic little boy could never compare to you.”
He fucks you harder after his real feelings start to peek through, his imitation of you dying towards the end of his words as he spits them harshly at the back of you head. He can’t deny the angry jealousy that sparks in his chest as he’s reminded of why he pulled you up here, so all he can do is take it out on your sprawled out form beneath him. 
“I said, fucking admit it,” he commands impatiently, only feeling slightly more satisfied when he sees your tears start to fall from your eyes, “admit you like me for fuck sake.”
He shoves your body up the bed as he speaks, his roughness making you cry out as you feel tension build in your stomach. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth as he seems to not understand how the way he fucks you blurs your thoughts. You don’t want to say it, the idea of being so vulnerable after mouthing off so proudly earlier makes you shrink, but the way your body flutters around him and the way your spine starts to curve deeper, you don’t think you can stop yourself. 
“I, fuck,” you yelp as pleasure starts washing over your body, your breath turning into heavy pants as he doesn’t seem interested in relenting on you even when it’s clear how much you struggle. 
“Say it,” he speaks softer as his ears perk up at the beginning of what might be the exact confession he itches for. His hips stutter as he keeps pushing into you, the way you clench around him starting to get the better of him. 
He watches in awe as your shoulders curve back, and he has to push your leg again with his foot as your thighs try to slam closed. He can feel the words lingering in the air before you even say them, and with an overwhelming push of hope in his chest almost choking him, he rolls his hips in a way that he knows will have you falling apart. 
“Fuck, fuck! I like you Haechan,” you finally admit, your words coming out in sobs as you start to come harshly around him, your body thrashing as much as it can under his hold, “I like you so much I can’t- oh my fucking god, I like you.”
He swears along with you as your words spill out without control, the way you babble and whine sounding like music to his ears as he stills inside of you. His hips press tightly against you, and he lets out pants of relief as he feels like he’s just won the universe. 
“I like you, I like you, I like you,” you mumble mindlessly as you feel the warmth of him filling you up. You sob happily once the words are out, a dopey smile spreading across your face as you melt into the bed below you, and as he pulls his hand off of your throbbing head, you turn your head to look at him with wide eyes. 
His face is brightly flushed as he stares down at you in awe, his chest heaving as he absorbs your words hungrily. He feels winded and like you’ve both landed on cloud nine, and all he can do is shake his head again in disbelief. 
“I knew it,” he huffs cockily as he recovers enough energy to grin, before he leans down to smother the side of your face with familiar kisses, “I fucking knew it.”
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nqctar · 3 months
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✿ yuta nakamoto as your cg !
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pairings: cg! yuta nakamoto x little reader. genre: sfw age regression, fluff. warnings: no major warnings apply. brief (non-sexual) usage of "daddy."
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유타 / cg!yuta nakamoto x little reader ♡
dni: you sexualize age regression.
requested by anon!
so when you first told yuta about being little he was like
"hmm okay.." and left.
and you had no clue if he was okay with it or not.
but then he came back with like eight stuffies and a colouring book!
as a cg, he's more on the quiet/observant side.
lets you do your thing, and checks in on you if you haven't been yelling or making some other random noise in a while.
this does NOT mean he won't play with you.
yuta will absolutely have a tea party!!
you hand him a tiara to wear during the party & he starts smiling because of how cute you are.
takes the tea party seriously, maybe a bit too seriously.
"don't drink it yet, baby. it's still too hot."
if you're near/next to him, you're 100% gonna be holding hands or pinkies.
also really loves cuddling, sometimes he'll just pick you up no matter what you were doing & hold you.
very calm! doesn't get mad.
you're his baby, why would he get mad at his baby?!
this means you really never end up in time out, though all he has to do is give you 'the daddy glare™' and you're immediately done throwing a fit.
VERY protective of you, makes you hold his hand while you're in public, tells you to stop running even if you're just speed walking.
always has bandaids with him just in case.
did i mention that he loves cuddling?
gets you to slip into little space by being all-
"if only my little baby was here to cuddle me..."
& then you hide your face because of the nickname!!
makes you something before bedtime, usually hot chocolate
WITH EXTRA MARSHMALLOWS!!
if you end up falling asleep on him while you're on the sofa, he's definitely not moving
he doesn't wanna disturb his baby!
so he just wraps his arms around you and whispers an "i love you," while playing with your hair
oh & he always makes sure you have your paci before falling asleep!
thinks it's the cutest thing ever when you wake up with your paci and stuffie. teases you about it the next morning, which makes you blush and hide your face.
"why's my pretty little baby hiding their face, hm?"
"could it be... no! you aren't feeling shy, are you?"
you giggle and tell him to stop
as for titles you call him, he's fine with daddy. sometimes it's yuyu.
no matter what, you're his pretty baby :(( <3
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yongislong · 1 year
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staring + dreamies.
genre: when you catch the dreamies staring at you hehe, fluff, suggestive but not rly pft
note: hiiiiii... how yall doinnnnn.... :D
mark... genuinely cant help it LMAOO he cant!! he just needs to look at you sometimes. brings him a lot of comfort. you have also gotten used to him spacing out and looking your way while you just sit on your phone or laptop. his hand finds itself onto you hair/head every once in a while. is so considerate so he would for sure fix your mascara, lipstick or pick off an eyelash if he "saw something on your pretty little face" hehe. used to get flustered when you caught him staring but has grown more confident and you've grown used to him needing a glimpse of your profile huehuehue
renjun... wants to memorize you!!!!! corny yes but dear god he has to have you down to memory! he knows he's never letting you go but it's inevitable for him to want to drink up your expressions, pores, spots and individual hairs. likes to watch you in your natural habitats. has always said that your concentration face is the cutest thing he's ever seen. all of these things come in especially handy when he can't sleep. he's drawn you a million times. he has sketchbooks soley dedicated to you and your face pfttt. when you catch him staring he just smiles really brightly! so cute.... does a cute little "hiiii" too AHHHHH
jeno... what a shy manly man omg... would get a kick out of watching you be cute and cooking or stuff. very domestic! likes looking at you because he really think you're the prettiest most gorgeous and lovely person on earth, effortlessly! is honestly just staring in awe. traces your nose bridge whenever you lay on chest. mutters "wow..." a thousand times under his breath. will end up missing big scenes in movies because of this HAHA, you think it's endearing but you're also like!!! jen please watch katniss literally destroy president snow lol i promise it's more interesting (he disagrees)
haechan... oh boy. he is so annoying about it oh my god lmfaooo. just does it to fluster you and sometimes he just can't help but look at you though. likes to pinch your arm to get your attention in order for you to look back at him HAHA, especially when he's doing it because he wants to give you a compliment, "well hello there pretty, come here often?" likes kissing your cheek (and neck) after they get dusted pink. pokes your cheeks when he staring too, just a big cheek guy imo!! peppers you in smooches, gets flustered when you catch him sometimes... especially if he's looking at you from across the room. sends you a smile
jaemin... oh my god he just loves your face its actually so sickening! like ugh!!! he loves watching your mouth move, v enticing lol. his hands subconsciously find their way to to your lower lip. his hands always land on your thighs as well lol. looooves to stare at you in the morning or when you're sleepy because your puffed out face is the best thing to him. whenever you catch him, he is so confident, especially when you question him about it, he's like "why can't i stare at my gorgeous partner... freak.... you can't just look like that and expect me not to be obsessed with you" so sassy... but is actually so genuine sometimes it almost makes you cry
chenle... GGAAAHHHHHH so cocky!!! but it hits different because he will stare you down so hard and will lean in super close and run his eyes all over your features but when you look his face breaks out into the cutest little whisker smile in the world, just for funzies, mumbles out an exasperated "...cute......" mostly does it to fuck with you but it's a win win for him tbh, but won't admit it. is always staring at you because he can, but also because he always wants to make sure you're safe esp in public. has mastered understanding your facial expressions and tics.
jisung... "nothin... you just looked cute." simp nation. is actually more confident than he lets on. you realize this when he leans down to cover what you're looking at after he's been staring and not realizing it. yknow what i mean? like he's so tall so if he's watching you make breakfast or something and he's been staring for a while, he would bend down to have his face within your line of vision. what a cutie lol. you always pull his cheek when you catch him staring and he has to pretend he doesn't like it all while he's smiling and giggling AHA. likes to stare at you because he has to remind himself that you're real and that he has you all to himself <3
oh ma goshh hiiiiii haha ummm im still getting used to writing blurbs and headcanons again so sorry! was watching hunger games while writing this so HAHA, enjoy! i missed you guys!
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nctauvision · 2 years
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[4:54 pm] “Awh you had a crush on me before?” Johnny teases you, receiving a raised brow from you.
“Babe, we’re married,” you tell him.
Johnny shrugs, clinging to your side. “Still, though,” he shyly smiles. “You liked me.” 
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babiesdreams · 1 year
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Advent Calendar (Smut +18)
Day 1 : Johnny-Mark
Day 2 : Haechan-Yangyang
Day 3 : Taeyong-Jaemin
Day 4 : Jaehyun-Xiaojun
Day 5 : Lucas-Hendery
Day 6 : Jungwoo-Jeno.
Day 7 : Yuta-Winwin.
Day 8 : Doyoung-Renjun.
Day 9 : Mingi- San- Seonghwa.
Day 10 : Jaemin-Jeno.
Day 11: Mark-Haechan.
Day 12 : Johnny-Jaehyun-Jungwoo.
Day 13 : Jeon Soyeon.
Day 14 : Bang Chan
Day 15 : Han Jisung
Day 16 : Hwang Hyunjin- Lee Felix
Day 17 : Lee know
Day 18 : Changbin
Day 19 : Jeon Jungkook
Day 20: Min Yoongi
Day 21: RM
Day 22: Jimin
Day 23: Kim Taehyun (V)
Day 24:To be determined
-----------------------------------------
Hii, I wanted to inform you all that I'll be testing a new format with the advent calendar fics, so if you leave a comment, I'll reply portraying the characters of the fic. If you want someone specific to answer you write his name, if you don't I'll choose for you. Have a nice day and comment if you want to test this <3
I accept suggestions <3
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theficblog · 11 months
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[5:24 pm]
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MARK LEE
Genre: Fluff + Strangers to lovers
Wordcount: 359
Warnings: None
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"He's here!" Your friend whispered, naturally making you look to your side. He was here, and he was on time.
"Do it this time!" They hyped you as you merely observed him climb the wooden ladder in order to reach for the book he had been longing for.
For the last two months, you would see him every Thursday, at the same time. He was mostly quiet, sometimes he would be accompanied by a friend or two, but your eyes would only focus on him nonetheless.
In his hands he held another excellent piece of literature today. The Alchemist in yours, when you turned to check on it. 
And thanks heavens!  You just so happened to be in the library that particular day because you never found reading books to be particularly interesting.
"Okay. I will do it." You took a deep breath and patted yourself on the shoulder, this was time. 
No, you weren't going to war, you were only going to say "hi" to him for the first time. After giving your hair a few more quick fixes, you stepped forward.
The aisle was quiet and nearly empty. However, the boy was unaware of your approach until he heard a loud thud.
He turned to face you before turning to observe your figure on the ground.
"Are you alright?" He bent down quickly and extended his hand to help you stand up.
Oh fish!, You tripped over the air and landed on your bottom, and he would always remember this as his first impression of you.
He continued to reach his hand out for you to take hold of.
"Hi!" You smiled.
"H-hello!" He awkwardly reverted.
You snapped back to your senses, "Oh, thank you!", you said, expressing  gratitude after finally getting up.
"I'm Mark." He introduced himself.
"And I'm Y/N." You extended a kind smile that matched his.
"I know, I've seen you around here before." He said.
"You have?" You were in disbelief.
"Yeah, you've been reading the same book for two straight months now." He giggled. You followed suit.
The day you first met him will always be etched in your memory.
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LET ME KNOW YOUR VIEWS + ALSO SEE : MASTERLIST
Special tags for this: @everloving-avenue​ and @nightfalls-teddy​ <3
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PLEASE REFRAIN FROM PLAGIARIZING ,TRANSLATING, OR POSTING OUTSIDE THIS PLATFORM.  
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haechwrites · 1 year
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two winners - L.DH
idol!lee donghyuck x gn!reader (first person)
synopsis: haechan has ideas when the boys are gone
wc: ~1.1k
warnings: suggestive ish, not really. idk how to write smut
A/N: this is just a blurb tbh but i wanted to thank you guys for the attention on my first work hehe <3 also this is written in first person!! as most of my works will be in the future, so i hope that's okayyy
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ :・゚✧:・゚✧
“okay, we’ll see you guys in a few hours. you sure you don’t want us to bring any food back?”
fully engrossed in the ending of the movie, i let haechan reply and he tells mark that we’re okay. while i was trying to piece together the last few clues before the movie reveals who the killer is, haechan is anxiously bouncing his leg as the rest of the boys leave. i put my hand on his knee and rub soothingly, thinking the movie is just exciting him. after he hears the sound of the lock, he launches himself off the couch and my hand is long forgotten.
“jesus christ, you scared me! sit back down, we’re about to find out who the killer is,” i groaned, tugging at his wrist and trying to look past his body at the screen.
“no time!” he announces. “come with me to my room.”
tearing my eyes away from the TV, i stare at him in shock as he races to his door, not bothering to check if i were following. part of me wanted to whine again until i put the pieces together myself. the boys are out? he wants me to come to his room? my heart started to race at the thought of what we were going to do, and i giggled to myself. quickly wiping the popcorn salt off my hands, i scrambled to grab the remote to turn off the TV. with a hop in my step, i scurried to his room.
and there he was standing… with a board game in his hands. he’s grinning from ear to ear and shaking the newly sealed box in my face. i look at him dumbfounded, about to protest and trudge back to the living room.
“i found a new game at the store the other day and i’ve been waiting to play it with you.” he plopped down on his rug and savagely tore open the packaging. standing there with a pout, i watched the excitement pour out of him as he sets up the game next to my socked feet. haechan whacks my calf to get me to sit down and i oblige with a huff. so this is what he wanted to do.
“and you wanted to play this while the boys were gone?”
he looked up and i gave him my best half smile, trying not to ruin his fun, even though i was hoping to have some fun myself tonight…
he sneered as he set up the board, “the hyungs like to steal my game pieces so that they don’t have to play with me.”
i couldn’t help the chuckle that left my lips and i gave in, picking up the instruction manual.
“oh my poor hyuck,” i coo, cupping his cheek.
he quickly pecked my palm and shrugged it away, “okay, game time.”
i roll my eyes and prepare myself for the natural competitiveness i was about to witness. he animatedly rubbed his hands together and briefly explained the game. without any time to waste, we started the first round.
i tried to be as invested as possible for his sake, even though the pit of my stomach had been dying for something more… exciting. and a little more active. i glanced at his lips as his tongue peeked out to wet them while he focused intensely on his next move. fumbling with my game piece, i cleared my throat and tried to snap myself out of it.
haechan looked up at me to check if i was alright, or to see if i was having as much fun as him, and i gave him my best smile. he saw right through it but he shook it off. i watched his hair bounce and noticed that one side was flat from laying on the couch earlier. i held myself back from wanting to run my hands through it. can i not play a game with my boyfriend without wanting to jump his bones?
after about half an hour, all hopes of doing something more had left my brain and i was as fully engrossed in the game as he was. i took off my sweater since it got warm in his room with my matched game spirit and tossed it on his bed. it was his anyways. doing a quick arm stretch above my head, haechan looked up from the board to see the bottom of my tank top lift.
“uh your move,” he blurted, suddenly completely flustered and fully aware of how good his significant other looked sitting in front of him.
“oh shoot, my bad,” i chewed on my lip as i thought about my next move, twiddling the piece between my fingers.
haechan shifted in his spot, watching my mouth a little too closely, but i was too focused on my game strategy to notice.
my eyes lit up when i figured out my next move, and i leaned over the board to place my next piece. my hand fell in front of his crotch to place it down and i smiled at what i thought was a really smart decision on my part. i looked up at his face, hoping to see haechan defeatedly staring at the board but he was already looking at me, only an inch away. the usual warm, honey brown in his eyes was a deep, darker shade. i almost flinched.
the look etched on his face was completely different than earlier too. there was no way his mind was on the game anymore. at this point, i realized how close i was to his face and how my body was hovering the board.
“haechan?” i whispered, trying to break his trance.
“mm?” he responded, only breaking eye contact to quickly glance down at my mouth.
“do you still wanna play?” i hold back a laugh, already knowing his answer.
he shook his head slowly but in an assured away. i smiled wide at his response and flicked the game pieces off the board before crossing to straddle his lap. i wasted no time in hooking my arms around his neck and he instinctively wrapped his around my waist. i hummed in satisfaction, finally getting my hands in his hair. the familiar buzz in my body returned.
“you know, when you asked me to come to your room when the guys left, this is what i thought we were gonna do,” i teased.
he tossed his head back and laughed, “this was probably a better idea.” he pulled me closer and swiftly pushed the board game to the side.
i lean in and ghost my lips over his. “i think so too,” i whisper before giving him a long awaited kiss.
“i was gonna win anyways," we both say at the same time.
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