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rnelodyy · 1 year

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The Owl House And Restorative Justice

At the end of Season 1 of The Owl House, it is revealed that Lilith, the main overarching antagonist of that season, was the one to curse her sister Eda, one of the protagonists, to win a tournament when they were teenagers. This information causes Eda to fly into a screaming rage and attack Lilith, and understandably so.

Eda’s curse is essentially a chronic illness, one that, in Eda’s own words, has ruined her life, being the reason she’s considered a social outcast and why, before meeting King and Luz, she hadn’t gotten close to anyone in years. In season 2, it’s revealed that the curse is why she pushed away her partner Raine to the point that they broke it off with her, and that during a particularly bad flareup, she accidentally maimed her own father, leaving him half blind and with permanent nerve damage to his hands, making him unable to continue working as a Palisman carver. The curse has ruled Eda’s life for decades now, so to Eda, this is the ultimate betrayal.

In the first episode of Season 2, Lilith has defected from the Emperor’s Coven, split the curse between Eda and herself to mitigate the symptoms for her sister, and has moved in with Eda at the Owl House. While Lilith herself still feels guilty and feels she has to make it up to Eda, everyone else, Eda included, has seemingly either forgiven her or chosen to look past it. Eda even makes fun of her for feeling bad about cursing her, and Lilith’s guilt is seemingly absent for the rest of the series.

The response to this was… Less than stellar, shall we say. A lot of people were angry, saying Lilith got away with her crimes without even a slap on the wrist, and that Eda’s forgiveness of her was far too sudden.

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen this kind of critique. Amity spent years bullying Willow after her parents forced her to break off their friendship, and when she began trying to mend that relationship, the response from fans was that Willow should have been a lot more angry at Amity, and that they went back to being besties far too soon. I’ve even seen this criticism leveled at Hunter for the things he did while working for Belos, at Vee for impersonating Luz for months to trick her mother, and at Luz for hiding the fact that she helped Philip find the Collector from her friends. And it does seem strange for the show to keep tripping on this same point again and again.

Except, it’s not really. Because I think that, when viewing this show from a different angle, those supposed flaws are actually symptoms of something very important to understand – The Owl House operates on a system of crime and punishment that is very different from our world’s.

More specifically, our world mostly utilizes retributive justice. The world of The Owl House utilizes restorative justice.

So first, what do those terms mean? Broadly, they’re two different forms of handling interpersonal disputes, or dealing with crime.

Retributive justice is the one our current justice system uses, where the focus is primarily on punishing the perpetrator. Retributive justice can mean detention, suspension, expulsion, jail time, monetary fines, some kinds of community service, exile, or in more severe cases, corporal punishment or the death penalty. It’s the lens most people view the world through, where if someone hurts you, hurting them back is the correct response.

Restorative justice is a very different approach, where you instead focus on helping the victim recover from what happened, and rehabilitating the perpetrator to prevent this from happening again. Restorative justice can look like verbal or written apologies, monetary compensation for costs and trauma, therapy for both victim and perpetrator, education for the perpetrator, mediation between victim and perpetrator, a restraining order, etc.

When viewed through a retributive lens, The Owl House lets its characters get away with a lot of shit. Lilith cursing Eda, Hunter rounding up Palismen knowing they’ll be killed, Amity tormenting Willow for years, it’s all stuff that, in a retributive environment, they should be punished for, and they’re just not. Eda is only genuinely angry at Lilith for two scenes, Amity and Willow fix their relationship very quickly once Amity starts making amends, and Hunter isn’t punished at all.

However, I believe the story of The Owl House is best viewed not through a retributive lens, but through a restorative lens.

Let’s look at the Lilith-example again. Lilith’s offense was cursing Eda, which she did because she wanted to win a spot in the Emperor’s Coven. Knowing Eda was better than her, she cast a curse on her, thinking it would only last for a day. But when the time came, Eda forfeited the match, soon after which she transformed into the Owl Beast and was pelted with rocks until she ran. The curse turned out to be very permanent, and Lilith spent the next 20 years trying to fix her mistake by working for Belos to try to capture Eda, since he promised to heal her curse.

However, when she finally succeeded, Belos went back on his promise. Instead of healing Eda, he ordered her to be publicly executed. When Lilith protested, Belos essentially told her to shut up, that it was the Titan’s will, and left her there.

So, having realized her method of fixing her mistake has gone real bad, Lilith sneaks down to the Conformatorium to free Eda herself, but arrives too late and finds Luz instead. After a brief fight they end up teaming up, and Lilith leads Luz to the elevator, but they are captured by Belos and Lilith is thrown into the cage with Eda. There, she restores Eda’s partially petrified body, and after fleeing with her, Luz and King, uses a spell to split Eda’s curse evenly between their two bodies.

From a restorative justice point of view, Lilith has done pretty much everything she reasonably could do to fix things. She’s denounced the Emperor’s Coven, returned Owlbert to Luz, helped Luz find the elevator to the execution platform, saved Eda from petrification, apologized to Eda, and while there’s no way for her to cure Eda’s curse entirely, she took on half of the curse at great expense to her own health, in order to ease Eda’s symptoms.

Eda isn’t angry anymore because in her eyes, Lilith has already fixed things with her. Punishing her more at this point is pointless. What more could Lilith do, really? What other lessons could she learn? The only thing that punishment would bring at this point would be more suffering.

Let’s look at another example: Amity and Willow.

Amity’s offense was breaking off her friendship with Willow because she was a late-bloomer, bullying her for years, and allowing her friends to do so too. Willow is left with horrible self-esteem issues because of this, and combined with her failing grades, turned her into a horribly shy and withdrawn wallflower (no pun intended). After she’s moved to the plant track she starts actually getting better, but Amity and Boscha especially continue to torment her. While Amity’s bullying of Willow does peter out over time, Willow is clearly still extremely resentful of her. In an attempt to make Willow forget their friendship, Amity accidentally sets most of Willow’s memories on fire, leaving her confused, amnesiac, and unable to grasp basic concepts like that chairs are for sitting in.

Luz pushed Amity into fixing Willow’s brain by going into her mind together and piecing her memories back together. There, the Inner Willow revealed what happened to Luz and the audience.

At this point, Amity shows her that her parents were actually the ones who forced her to end the friendship because they didn’t think Willow was a suitably powerful or influential friend, threatening to make sure Willow would never get accepted into Hexside if Amity didn’t force her to leave. Amity then apologizes to Willow for going along with it, and for the bullying, and vows to make sure her friends never mess with Willow again.

Willow accepts her apology, but also makes it clear that, while it’s a start, she’s not yet ready to accept Amity in her life again. Restorative justice has not been fully attained, because to Willow, Amity hasn’t fixed everything – Boscha and her squad are still bullying her, and still consider Amity one of them. This changes two episodes later, when Amity tells Boscha to grow the fuck up when she starts bullying Willow again, and joins her and Luz’s Grudgby team despite her personal issues to get Boscha to back off. Willow doesn’t make a grand gesture of forgiveness in this episode, but it is after this point where the two become comfortable around eachother again.

Did Willow forgive Amity too quickly for years of trauma? Maybe. If she had chosen to continue keeping Amity at a distance I certainly wouldn’t have blamed her. But in the end, Amity fixed the mess she caused as best she could, and has proven herself to want to be a better person, to want to be Willow’s friend again. She worked hard to prove herself to be a person worth trusting, and Willow decided to give that trust a chance again.

And while they did become friends again, that friendship was clearly still affected by what happened, which led to bumps that the two of them had to work through. Like in Labyrinth Runners, where Amity’s overprotectiveness over Willow makes Willow feel like Amity thinks she’s incompetent, and still only sees her as the helpless person she used to be.

Willow continuing to be mad at Amity and punishing her for what she did wouldn’t be an unreasonable reaction, but it wouldn’t have fixed anything. It would certainly have an impact on Amity, seeing her former best friend rejecting her attempts to make up for what she did, but the hurt on both sides would have continued festering, because deep down, Willow missed Amity too.

In Hunter’s case, there’s the question of whether he can even be held responsible for his actions. The Palisman-kidnapping in specific was explicitly done under duress – if he failed he would face verbal and physical abuse, and be threatened with his nightmare scenario: getting thrown out of the Emperor’s Coven.

And that’s not an empty threat either. Hunter has no magic, and Belos has drilled it into him that witches without magic have no future. Without the Emperor’s Coven, his only future prospects would be starving to death on the streets or wasting away in prison. Either way, Hunter would be alone, without family or friends, without a job or job prospects, without anyone to turn to for help. Any child would be terrified of that. Hunter wasn’t always acting on direct orders – in fact he defied direct orders to stay in his room in Eclipse Lake to go look for Titan’s Blood, and then again in Hollow Mind to arrest the rebels. But he made those choices based on the idea that Belos wouldn’t want him if he was a failure, and that he needed a chance to prove that he could still be useful.

And contrary to popular belief, Hunter does know right from wrong. He has a very strong moral compass, he’s just been forced to ignore it in favor of doing whatever the Emperor wants. To shut up that little voice telling him he’s doing the wrong thing, he uses what’s called a thought-terminating cliche, a statement that feels so fundamentally true that the argument need not continue. In Hunter’s case, that statement is “It’s for the greater good.” Sure, kidnapping his new friends and abducting Palismen to feed to the Emperor and threatening someone who’s been nothing but kind to him to take the portal key from her girlfriend and justifying terrorism makes his stomach feel like he swallowed a cactus and saying it out loud makes him sound like a horrible person – but it’s for the greater good. He’s doing it to serve Belos, and Belos knows what’s best.

So by the time Hunter is out of active danger and able to rest and recover from what happened to him… what would further punishment accomplish? He already knows that he did fucked up shit while working for the EC, and he’s proven time and time again that while he’s not fighting for Belos’s approval, he’s actually a genuinely kind-hearted kid. Punishing him now would likely cause him to react very poorly, because he’s been at the wrong end of that stick so often that he’s developed severe PTSD because of it.

And if you think restorative justice is still in order – Hunter is currently hyperfixated on making sure Belos can never hurt anyone again, and for the long term, he has expressed that he wants to become a Palisman carver when he grows up. While it won’t bring back the Palismen that were killed, it will help the current Palisman population recover and reintroduce Palismen to witches who may have had to give up theirs.

When viewed through this lens, the writing of The Owl House starts to make more sense. As a show, it is extremely forgiving towards its characters – they’re still held accountable for their actions, but as long as they’re willing to grow and learn and fix the damage they caused, they are very quickly forgiven.

However, I do understand why these writing choices can be… controversial, so to say. Because it doesn’t feel very satisfying, does it? When someone hurts you on purpose, your first impulse would be to try to hurt them back, that’s just how people work.

That’s the hardest thing to come to terms with when you become an advocate for prison abolition for example – you’re not just arguing for freeing a guy who got 5 years because a cop found weed in his pockets, you’re arguing for the release, and most importantly, the humanity of some of the most vile, disgusting people this planet has ever produced. Even now, when someone commits a truly awful crime and gets sent to prison for life, my first thought is “Good, I hope they rot in there.” But that’s not justice. That’s just revenge. And revenge is not something we as a society should want to build our justice system on.

It’s not satisfying to see Lilith go from using Luz as a human shield in her fight against Eda to sleeping on the couch in Eda’s house within 2 episodes. It’s not satisfying to see Willow let Amity back into her life when Amity has hurt her so badly before, or to see Hunter become romantically involved with Willow after he literally abducted her the first time they met. But that satisfaction isn’t really the point. Revenge is satisfying in the moment, but an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, and if someone shows a genuine willingness to change, it’s often better to give them a chance to.

However, my final point is about what happens when this approach fails. Because not everyone is willing to change. Some people, when faced with the consequences of their actions, decide to dig their heels in and refuse to admit fault, or blame the victim(s), or use those same thought-terminating cliches that Hunter used to justify their actions, “I was just following orders” being a big one.

And thus, we come to Belos.

If Belos showed a willingness to change, a genuine one, not an attempt at manipulation, should he be given the chance to? That vengeful part of me is VERY empathetically saying no. But logically, reasonably, he should be given that chance, if only because he’s a human being and no human being deserves to be mistreated. That doesn’t mean his victims are obligated to forgive him or be around him again, in fact I think that, for the sake of Hunter’s mental health, Belos should stay as far away from him as humanly possible. But he should be given the chance to start over, to truly better himself and do something good with the rest of his life.

But Belos isn’t willing to change.

Belos is a product of a bad environment and grew up with a cult-like mentality and hatred for witches that he had to adopt for his own safety. It’s hard to break out of that mentality, but not impossible. Case in point: Caleb. The tragedy of Belos’s character to me is that he had so many chances to change, so many people to help him make that leap, but all of the people who offered him that help ended up dead by his hands because he couldn’t handle the idea that he may have been wrong.

At this point, Belos is stuck. Changing would mean not only giving up on his life’s work, but acknowledging to himself that everything he’s done, mutilating his body, killing his brother, slaughtering thousands and installing himself as God-Emperor of a population he despises more than anything in order to facilitate a genocide, was completely pointless.

He can’t admit that to himself. Especially the thing about Caleb’s death. He’s sunk-cost-fallacied himself so far into a corner that all he can really do when faced with opposing viewpoints is dig his heels in even deeper and lash out in a rage at anyone who challenges him. Even now, when his body is literally falling apart at the seams, he’s still trying to commit witch-genocide, because it’s all he has.

Restorative justice doesn’t work in this case, because the perpetrator needs to be receptive to it. Logically you would assume the show would default to retributive justice, and characters like Willow and Camila do take a very vengeful glee in imagining themselves beating the snot out of Belos. But right now, the primary motivation of the Hexsquad and Hunter in particular when it comes to Belos is to end the threat he poses. As long as Belos is alive and free, he will continue to hurt and kill people, and if he can’t be talked down, he needs to be either contained or killed to prevent him from causing more harm.

The Owl House provides, in my opinion, a very nuanced take on restorative justice. It shows how it works in action, how different situations impact what it looks like, and what happens when it’s simply not an option. It’s not the most satisfying story to tell your audience, because when someone hurts our babies we want them to suffer, no matter how sorry they say they are. But in this case, I think that sacrificing that bit of audience comfort is worth it to tell the story like this.

#the owl house #the owl house meta #toh meta #toh lilith #toh amity #toh hunter #toh belos

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blacknedsoul-blog · 5 months

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Montresor is the Bad Ending of White Raven

So Montresor has a religious trauma. And from what little we know of the flashback to his death, the man was apparently a corrupt preacher.

What that tells me about his life made me crack my knuckles, because holy shit, this guy is an even better villain than I expected. And not for the reasons I thought at first.

Montresor's possible backstory

A fun fact: "unholy men" used to be called "sons of Belial". Same as Monty's Spectre type, so there's the initial connection, but with what we saw in chapter 87, this phrase from his mother resonates quite a bit:

Montresor was most likely a bastard (literally), and if he was raised in a religious community, that immediately made him and his mother outcasts. Possibly his mother hated him for "ruining her life". Whether this is true or not, the implication is that he grew up a victim of a system that decided he was sucked by the devil from birth.

In this light, Montresor's attitude towards the world is actually a logical consequence: he has decided that abuse is the only way to relate, and you can either be the victim or the victimizer. Of course, he is now the victimizer.

But he decided that because life taught him two lessons that were important enough to make him the person he is now.

"I know this game better than anybody"

We know from the clothes and hat in his flashback, and the cross around his neck, that Montresor was a preacher. And I would venture to say an excellent one: he has heard all his life that he is a demon, he knows better than anyone what terror hell produces in people, so he knows exactly what to say (or not say) to manipulate others through that fear.

Montresor, like Annabel, is someone who exploits his own traumas.

Annabel has been almost conditioned to behave like the perfect high-society lady, and that includes going to impressive extremes if it means getting something in return. She has engineered her way through life by identifying the currency of the people around her and knowing exactly what to give them so that they will, in her words "kissing her rings".

Loyalty gained through fear vs. loyalty gained through pretended sympathy.

Same goal.

If the world has made them that way, both Annabel and Montresor will use every last footnote of knowledge gained through trauma to get what they want.

But then there's something else they have in common: this deep knowledge of the rules of the game has also made them both know that the odds are too stacked against them to ever win. In the past, we've seen Annabel throw in the towel on her arranged marriage, but Montresor took a different path, much more along the lines of…

"So I'm not afraid to cheat."

Montresor decided that if people wanted a demon. He would give them one. The worst demon of all, because this one knows the rules: he knows how to play the game, he knows how to cheat and get away with it. We don't know the extent of his atrocities, but given what happened in the flashback and the fact that his idea of a sleepover is stuffing someone behind a wall to slowly suffocate, this guy must have a long rap sheet.

So long, in fact, that he was tied to the tracks of a train to be torn to shreds without even a trial.

Because if the rules are just there to screw you, then screw them: the only option left is to cheat.

Which is exactly what Lenore did when she burned down her house and pretended to be a man to go after Annabel. Lenore jeopardized everything Annabel said was important to her.

And she got away with it. At least until they were both killed (or, if those of us with our chips on Annabel's childhood friend, they may have both died without anyone knowing).

Now, in Nevermore, Lenore is still doing that, as we can see in her reluctance to kill or destroy Montresor: she refuses to play the game, refuses to follow the rules.

She will look for ways to cheat here, as she did before (something Annabel actually expects her to do). The woman is too stubborn to bend, and so far she seems to have the wind at her back (the question is, for how long?).

The bad ending

These elements make Montresor a complete exhibition of the ultimate consequences of taking Annabel and Lenore's attitudes to the extreme: a person who instrumentalizes her own traumas to unravel and try to inflict them on others, and who is not afraid to cheat for her own benefit if it means getting what she wants.

The only thing that separates Annabel and Lenore from Montresor is that they both still use these attitudes in the name of other people: Annabel for Lenore herself, and Lenore for the people she cares about. That both of them (still) seem to have their hearts in the right place.

But if Annabel continues to use her vast knowledge of this twisted game to work her way through people without caring, and Lenore still believes she's above all rules, here's Montresor to show them (and us) what's waiting for them at the end of the road.

#nevermore webtoon #annabel lee nevermore #lenore nevermore #lenore vandernacht #annabel lee whitlock #montresor nevermore #By the way #I don't want this to be read as me defending Montresor #Just because I believe that his attitudes follow a logic does not make them good or excusable #But that's how good antagonists are written #as a reflection of protagonists #And perhaps we should take whatever happens to him as a dark omen for Annabel and Lenore #And speaking of antagonizing Morella where the fuck are you? Your spectre is the opposite of this guy's

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pit-and-the-pen · 19 days

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I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 1

A/ N:I’m horrible at exposition so bare with me through this one. It feels a little clunky to me but this sets up a lot for the rest of the series. This is also the longest thing I’ve written outside of my senior thesis so… I have this series fully planned out and now that I’m back from vacation I should be able to work on it a lot more.

Anyways, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for it!

Warnings: Spring court slander (implied trauma), nightmares. Drinking. I think that’s all but feel free to let me know if I should add anything!

Wc- ~10k

Previous part: here

We’re coming home.

I ran up to my brother. Desperately pulling on Rhys’ arm and I felt him stumble back into me. He remained frozen, eyes locked on the female in front of him. Her and Rhys were clearly in the middle of a very intense conversation. But I wanted to go home. When I shouted Rhys’ name, his head flickered to me before looking back at Feyre. I saw his body tense, eyes going wide and it was instinct that had me grabbing his arm and winnowing us to Velaris.

The smell instantly calms me in a way I haven't felt in fifty years. Once my vision had fully focused,

“She’s my mate”, nothing above a whisper. My head snapped over to him. Mate. That explained his reaction. I felt the guilt in my stomach at pulling him away from Feyre. My arms are already reaching to pull Rhys towards me into a hug. As my arms wrapped around him, he sobbed into my shoulder.

This wasn’t the Rhys I had come to know under the mountain. Sob after sob left his mouth and his precious wings dropped to the ground. I knew this was more than the reaction of a male who had his mate taken from him. This was my brother who had to watch his mate be in love with someone else after years of suffering. The cauldron had finally granted him a mate only to have her ripped away from him.

“I’m sorry” was all I could think to say. So many reasons for being sorry. Sorry for all he went through. Sorry for not being strong enough to stop it. Sorry that the female the mother had chosen for him was in love with the High Lord of Spring, and had willingly died for him. Sorry that I stole away what little time he had spent with her.

Rhys let out another sob against my shoulder and it shook me to my core. I have heard him cry over Amarantha many times but seeing him break over Feyre was enough for me to want to march to spring and drag her to Velaris. But she wouldn’t want that. I know Rhys would have my head on a spike if I even offered.

We both turned around at the sound of the door opening. Mor stood in silence, eyes scanning over us. Noticing our embrace. She stepped up to us and a soft smile crossed her face.

“Tell me about your mate, Rhys.”

That was all it took for the flood gates to open. We did more than recall the details about the last few months. Rhys and I cherry picking only the most vital and important details. We kept a few things close to our chests. Those would stay our nightmares alone, Mor didn’t need to be haunted with our ghosts as well.

Mor sat patiently before she finally interrupted. “She’s really dead?” Rhy freezed at the mention of Amarantha. I lightly placed a hand on his shoulder and answered for him. “Yes. But I don’t think this is over.” Mor just nodded sharply, looking at I both before she launched herself at both of I, arms coming up to wrap around my brother and myself.

“If either of you ever do something that stupid again, I’ll kill you myself.” Her voice didn’t hold any malice, instead it shook with tears. My heart jumped as I left the weight of her emotions wash over me. The pain in my chest tightened as I realized how much our absence has truly shaken our family. I knew, of course, but seeing it was entirely different.

The three of us began to settle and I finally had time to get my bearings in the house. As I let the glow of the house wrap around I. A familiar scent caught my attention, and my whole body sang. My head whipped around, looking for the source of that pine and night air, looking for Azriel. Cas too of course but Azriel was on the front of my mind.

Mor’s smile tilted slightly. “They should be back soon.” She sighed “They just went to the camps to check on all of them” She paused, stumbling over words “ when we got that message from you, someone thought the most important thing was letting the camp leaders know that they had a high lord to answer to again.” This didn’t surprise me at all. Of course they would want, need, to fill in the Illyrian warriors that were now back under Rhys command with his return, Cassian having to take over that helm by nature of his position. It would be a fight, but one for a different day.

I wanted nothing more than to see the rest of my family and responsibilities be damned. I wanted to see them now. It had already been almost 50 years and in theory another day wouldn’t hurt but the house felt empty without the loudness of Cassian’s voice booming. It felt cold without Azriel’s shadows stirring around.

As if Mor could sense my unease, she lightly grabbed my wrist and started pulling me deeper into the house. “I have so many books I need to show you.” That was all it took for me to laugh. Mind reeling as I tried to remember the last time I had truly laughed.

The library was just as I had remembered it. The smell of old parchment and leather filled the space. Fires kept the room warm and light and I wanted that feeling to sink down into my bones.

Mor gave me the space to just absorb my favorite room in the house. Rhys had given me full reign over how it was decorated. Comfy chairs that could accommodate wings and backless chairs tufted with fabric that looked like they were made of stardust were spread over the large room. The heavy wooden desk I had put in was covered in stacks of books.

“I put all the ones I knew you would like over there.” Mor spoke up when she saw my eyes lock on the countless books. I felt my throat tighten up with tears at the thought she must have put behind the seemingly small action. It wasn’t uncommon for Mor and I to swap books as we finished them. Mostly so we could sit and talk about them for hours together. Mor and I spent many nights on the couches I had put in, falling asleep with our respective books still clutched in our hands.

Looking at the stacks, a rough count told me there had to be over a hundred books, easily.

“Looks like I have some serious reading to do.” I laughed. She beamed a smile at me.

“Those are just the ones I knew you would like,” She walked over to one of the bookcases in front of the desk. “These are all the others that I need you to read so I can scream about them.”

Three whole shelves in total. It would take me gods know how long to get through them. I voiced that much. Mor waved me off.

“You have all the time in the world to read them. It doesn’t have to happen all at once, but I’m not letting anything happen to you again. You’ll have time to read them all.” Her voice was uncharacteristically soft. I turned to look at her and I saw the pink speckling her cheeks and right above her lips, the tell-tale signs that she was trying not to cry. I placed the book I had just picked up and threw my arms around her, squeezing her as tight as I possibly could. She nuzzled her head against my shoulder and all I could do was try to hold her tighter.

By the time we pulled away from the hug, we were both a crying, giggling mess. I forgot how much I loved spending time with Mor. Regardless of how much I cared for my brothers, Mor and I were two sides of the same coin. Plus the boys wouldn’t sit and discuss the pure filth that tended to grace the pages of the books I devoured.

“So, what one should I start with?”

She all but squealed as she started flipping through the piles with me. We organized as we went. Placing them in piles of order that I should read them in. A few of the series I had been following had new installments that would most likely require a reread so those got placed on the back burner for the, now older, favorites she was dying to talk about. From there we were able to pick out one of her more recent favorites that had me itching to crack open immediately. She picked out one from her own pile across the room and the both of us settled into silence, the only sound was the fireplace cracking and pages turning.

I don’t know how late it was when Rhys softly opened the door to sneak into the room. My eyes were starting to get dry from how little I was blinking, desperate to get through one more chapter before I called it a night. Something I had voiced to Mor about ten chapters ago. Mor who now was asleep on her own couch, her hair pooling over the edge almost touching the floor from the uncomfortable angel her head had fallen into.

“The books will still be here after you’ve gotten some sleep,” Rhys said in a gentle mocking tone. Mor stirred slightly at his voice but remained sleeping. “Come on, I’d be an awful High Lord, and an even worse brother, if I let you fall asleep in the library on your first night home.” I nodded at his words. Truthfully, I couldn’t care less where I slept but for some reason, I could tell it mattered to Rhys. It would honestly be more normal for me to fall asleep anywhere but my room. Whether it be in the library or the large sectional in the living room or the comfy chairs on the rooftop, I rarely ever slept in my own bed. Rhys had ensured that every surface of the house was as comfortable as possible to account for this but I didn’t push or argue with him as I untucked my legs from underneath me and stood up. I debated leaving Mor to sleep but didn’t want her to wake up all alone. Reaching out a hand, I placed it on her shoulder and gave her a small shake. She groaned but opened her eyes anyway.

“We’re being banished to our rooms.” I joked and pointed over the Rhys. She let out an even louder groan.

“Overprotective bat.” Even Rhys laughed at her words.

“Come on, before he carries us himself.” I held out a hand and I could see Mor contemplating just rolling back over and going back to sleep but she grabbed my hand. Pulling slightly, I helped her to her feet and she rolled her neck slowly. No doubt trying to work out whatever kink was starting to develop due to half of her head hanging off the thin couch. The three of us walked down the hallway to our rooms. Sleepily stumbling to doors. We reached Mor’s first and before she slipped in, she gave me another tiny hug and another to Rhys.

“I love you guys,” Sleep was evident in the way she almost drunkenly stumbled over her words. I returned the sentiment and she was slipping into her bedroom, the door clicking shut behind her.

Rhys and I stood outside her bedroom for a little longer, until we saw the light from under the door flicker out. Eventually, we continued walking until we got to my door. There was a slight pause as I turned the handle. Rhys and I would normally be curled up in my bed under the mountain by now. I vaguely thought about asking him to stay the night. Not that I think either of us were truly going to be able to sleep. As tired as I felt, I was afraid that if I closed my eyes for too long I was going to wake up and this was all going to be a cruel dream.

Rhys seemed to pick up on my hesitancy. “I can walk in with you. If you’re…”:

“Please.” I interrupted him. He gave me a soft smile and gestured for me to open the door.

Nothing was out of place. The room smelt like my favorite perfume and when I looked around, there was no dust to be found. Someone had spent the time still cleaning the room while I was gone. I don’t know why that touched me as much as it did but as I looked around I felt all the unshed tears finally starting to take its toll. A sob ripped its way from my chest and Rhys’ arms were around me in an instant.

He shushed me softly, rocking me slightly. “We made it. We’re free. We’re back home.” He repeated over and over until I had cried myself out. I pulled out of his embrace and wiped away the stray tears. Shaking my head at my outburst I muttered a thank you to my brother.

“Try to get some sleep. I’ll be just across the hall if you need anything,” He says, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded and he gave me a sad smile as he walked out of the room.

I wandered over to my dresser, fished around until I pulled out the first pair of pajamas I came across. I hastily pulled my clothes off and as I went to pull the nightgown over my head, I realized the layer of grim that was clinging to my skin. A bath was definitely needed before I climbed into my warm bed.

The tub was already full and scalding hot by the time I had finished pouring in an obscene amount of oils and bath salts. Sinking in, I sighed out in relief as the heat enveloped me. Muscles in my neck and back released as I leaned my head against the edge of the tub. I picked up the sponge on the edge and started to wash myself off. After countless minutes of scrubbing, despite my raw skin I still didn’t feel clean. Huffing, I threw the sponge across the bathroom and pulled my knees up to my chest. I just sat curled up around myself until the water started to cool down. And it was still another handful of minutes before I could manage to pull myself upright and step out of the bath. I shivered at the temperature difference. Hugging my towel closer to my body, I quickly ran bacon into my room and threw the nightgown over my head. I burrowed underneath my comforter and tried to close my eyes.

I tossed and turned until I started pleading with the mother, the cauldron, anyone that would listen to let me go to sleep. I was bone tired but everytime I closed my eyes something made me snap them open a few moments later. Every creek of the house had my ears prickling. Has the house always been this loud? I wondered how I never noticed it before. How I ever slept with all the noise. It was then I remembered that, if my room truly haven't been messed with since I had left, that I still had a sleeping tonic from when I had cracked a few ribs. Fae healing or not, ribs always were a pain to heal. Majda had given me a tonic to make me sleep so I could actually heal without Cassian making me laugh them out of place. I flung myself out of bed and padded over to my vanity. The small bottle of purple liquid still sat , half drank/ Uncorking it, I prayed that sleeping potions didn’t go bad and took a tentative sip. Fighting back a gag at the foul taste, I put the cork back on the top and walked back to my bed. The medicine had its desired effect. Not a minute later I felt my eyelids flutter close and this time they stayed closed until I could sense the sun high in the air signaling the next day had come.

Knocking on my door made me finally crawl out of bed. Goraning at having to leave the warmth, I flung open the door and was staring a slightly startled Rhys in the face. He held a small tray in front of him, stacked high with various foods.

“I didn’t want to wake you up. You slept through breakfast and lunch and I didn’t know what you would want so I brought a little of everything.” He spoke the words so fast that in my half awake state I struggled to keep up with them. I gestured for him to come in so he could place the tray on my bed.

“Have you eaten?” I raised an eyebrow at him as I picked up a large strawberry.. His look told me that he had, in fact, not eaten. I pointed to my bed. “Sit and eat.” I barked, mouth full of strawberries. He laughed at some silent joke and picked up a piece of toast covered in some fruit jam. We were quiet as we ate, picking apart the platter he had brought in. Truly too much for one person to eat. Once we were both full, I wiped off my hands on my comforter and finished swallowing my last bite before I asked Rhys. “What do you have on the agenda for today?” He stilled and picked at a piece of lint on his sweater.

“Not a lot. I’m trying to organize a meeting with the High Lords of the other courts to just debrief after everything.” He shrugged like that wasn’t going to be the hardest meeting to organize. “There are some young high lords and with all the aftermath of this…We just need to all talk this out.” I nodded along with him. The courts would need some time to bounce back after this but from the way things had seemed under the mountain, we didn’t have that time. As much as I prayed to be wrong about this, war was on the horizon and we would need to have the courts functioning as much as possible if we were going to stand a chance against Hyberns forces. Amarantha was just a taste of the power that he had, an experiment of sorts.

Mor knocked on the open door before she walked in and plopped down next to Rhys. She took note of our stern faces but didn’t say anything. Instead, she swiped one of the sandwiches off of the tray and shoved half of it in her mouth in one bite. “You, me, library.” Was all she said before she turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

“Well I know what you’re doing for the rest of the day.” Rhys laughed as I started to scramble to get dressed. I was about to start changing when I noticed he hadn't moved from his perch on my bed. “Get out!” I scratched at him and all but pushed him out of the door, slamming it shut behind him. His laugh echoed off the empty halls outside my door.

In record time, I was running down the halls to the library. Mor was already sitting, her book curled against her chest. She didn’t look up from her book as she pointed to the one I had abandoned last night. “Butt in chair, book in hand.” She said and I laughed at her tone. I walked over to my couch and picked up the book, the spine slightly cracked from laying face down most of the day.

I must have finally gotten to the juicy part of the book because I felt Mor Peering over the edge of her own book. My poker face was completely gone as I sunk in every word. “No. Absolutely not!” I screamed, rereading the last few pages to make sure I was seeing it correctly.

“Did you finally get to..” I held up my hand to shush her. She laughed and threw one of the throw pillows at my head. I only put my book down long enough to catch the pillow, using it to now prop up my arms. Once I had confirmed I had not actually gone crazy, Mor and I started discussing the plot twist that had been the source of my outburst. She accidentally let a detail slip that had me scrambling back for the book, desperate to catch up to the point she had been talking about. This went on for hours until I saw her perk up. She turned to face me.

“They’re back.” Was all Mor said, still flipping through the book perched on her knees. I didn’t say anything else before I put my own book to the side and all but ran from the room. Her laugh bouncing off the walls behind me.

I could smell him before I saw him. That deep cedar and cold rain smell that I could wrap myself in. Rhys tried to say something to him but stopped when he realized he no longer held his audience's full attention. Azriel’s shadows ripping across the room and curling around my feet like a small cat. I could have purred at the feeling, tears started to peek along the corners of my eyes at the familiar feeling.

When I felt movement next to me, I felt momentary disappointment at the fact that Azriel was not standing in front of me. Strong arms wrapped around my middle and started to swing me in a circle, I felt joy so strong it almost hurt. Cassian sat me back down on my feet and when he went to speak, I wrapped my arms around him in return. We stood embracing each other, slowly rocking from foot to foot.

“Missed you, Princess.” He muttered into my head. I just nodded, my cheek too squished against his chest to say anything. “I think Mor was going to kill us if she had to be the only girl living in the house. Amren can only handle so much damage control and the coward spent most nights at her apartment.” He nudged my shoulder as he spoke, pulling a laugh from me. It felt good to laugh again. My cheeks hurt in the perfect way at the smile that stretched over my face.

A throat being cleared from across the room pulled my attention from Cassian. I could have melted into a puddle right then and there. Azriel stood in front of me, a true smile gracing his face. I squealed and rushed over into his arms. He didn’t swing me around like Cassian did, but he held me just as tight. It would have felt so right to crash my lips against his and he released me from his arms, but that wasn’t my relationship with Azriel. Those thoughts were nothing more than what I needed to make it through the events of the last fifty years. Azriel looked at me like I was a sister, nothing more. Rhys’ little sister on top of that. His high lord's little sister. He was the one who had coined my nickname centuries ago. When the trio first formed their own little band of brothers. I had gotten pulled in by proximity, Azriel said it one day and it had stuck ever since. “Hi Princess.” He said, tone polite but I could hear the joy behind them. I tried not to blush as I heard his voice. Shaking the things I had imagined that voice saying to me out of my head out, I mustered up a pathetic, “Hi, Az.”

It had never felt this awkward around him. Cursing myself mentally for thinking of all the things I would say to him when I finally saw him again. None of those words made their way out of me as the two of us stared at each other. “I’m glad you’re home.” Was all he said his words short but I felt the sincerity leaking from them. Biting down the flutter in my heart, I gave a short nod and wrapped my arms around myself. His eyes tracked the movement but didn’t say anything.

Cass clapped a hand on his brother's shoulder, breaking the tension that I felt take over the room. “We’ll see you at training tomorrow,” I raised an eyebrow to him. “Don’t give me that look, I’m guessing you didn’t have time to… while you were gone. I can’t have my sister not able to defend herself. We would be the laughing stock of Pyrthian.” He smiled as I made a big show of rolling my eyes .

So I joined them for training the next morning. And the next. Cassian slowly ran through the basics until I was nothing more than a mile of sore bones and sweat by the end of our sessions. I would shower and hang out with Mor. Rhys was suddenly very busy as he tried to catch up on all the events he missed in his court over the last fifty years. He made more and more trips to Hewn City, leaving Mor free to run around with me. Before I knew it a month had passed and all of us were sitting around the table for one of our family dinners.

Jokes were flung around the table and no one noticed the way Rhys and I sat back, sinking it all in. More than once I caught his eyes from across the table and all we could do was smile at each other. Is it bad to say that I missed this? I spoke into his head as Mor and Cassian had started raising their voices at each other, getting into a slight argument over some random events of the day. I did too. Even when we both flinched at the volume Cassian’s voice had risen too. Even Azriel had started to chime in before Mor shot him down with a withering look. I laughed despite myself at his expression. I shut up when that look was turned to me.

The conversation fell into a natural lull and everyone was happily eating. Rhys hissed at something, shaking his arm that bore the bargain mark. Something must have prickled down the weird connection.

“I still can’t believe you let her go with Tamlin.” Cassian said, stabbing something on his plate with a little more force than necessary. Rhys bared his teeth at his brother.

“I didn't have much of a choice, now did I?” He slumped back into his chair, still rubbing his hand. “She already hated me because of this stupid bargain but if I had stolen away from the male she was willing to die for…”

“But Rhys. It’s Tamlin. No one would have slighted you, not after…” Cassian’s gaze flickered to me. As hard as I was trying to tune out the conversation, I still felt my chest tighten at their words. Rhys would have never taken Feyre without her permission, well at least outside of the bargain but we both knew that was simply a means to an end. Regardless of how much it must hurt to have another person he cared about over in spring, Rhys wouldn’t take that choice away from her, no matter how concerned he might be for her safety.

“How was it seeing the brute again?” Amren asked and the table silenced. I froze and kept my gaze locked down at my plate. Suddenly losing my appetite completely.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I itched at my wrist, tugging at the fabric that felt too tight around my wrist. Azriel placed a comforting hand over mine. I flashed him a thankful smile.

“You haven’t wanted to talk about it for over a century.” She prodded.

“And she shouldn’t have to if she doesn’t want to,” She took a breath like she was about to press the issue. “Why does it matter to you anyways?” Azriel hissed at her. Amren had the decency to take a hint and held up her hands in surrender, a smirk plastered on her face.

We all sat in silence for the rest of dinner. Even Cassian knew better than to make any comments due to the tension in the air. Everytime he would go to say something, Rhys would shoot daggers at him. Eventually I got sick of it and threw my napkin down.

“Fine. You want to know what it felt like?” I shouted at Amren. Everyone flinched. “I am terrified for that girl. Because I know what loving Tamlin does to someone. Seeing him felt just like you whenever someone mentions the prison.” She paled at my words and I didn’t spare her another look as I pushed away from the table, storming out. I know I would regret my words later but sometimes Amren needed a taste of her own medicine. She just loved to push everyone buttons because we were all too scared to really piss her off.

I flung myself into my bed, still fully dressed. I groaned into my pillow. Apologies could wait until tomorrow. A knock from the door had me fighting back swears. Stomping over to the door, I ripped it open and a very startled Rhys was standing in the hallway, hand raised like he was about to knock again.

“I wanted to check on you.” The high lord said.

“I’m fine” I gritted out and he raised an eyebrow at me. I let out a heavy sigh.

“I know I shouldn’t have taken the bait but I don’t want to talk about him, right now or ever, if I can avoid it.” Rhys’ eyes held sympathy and he just contuined standing in the hallway, letting me rant. “I mean it’s been so long. I didn’t want to talk about it then. No one’s asking how you feel about Tamlin.” I paused and Rhys just shrugged.

“If she’s happy with him, then it’s not my place to try to save her. If she wants to come here, then I’ll happily let her do that too.”

I stared at him like he had gone crazy. “What about the bargain?” He shrugged again

“It was necessary at the time. I don’t actually plan on cashing in on it. She’d only hate me. More.” I could feel his despair. The self loathing held behind those words.

“Rhys.” He shook his head.

“I’ll never take away her choice in this. Just because she’s my mate doesn’t mean I have a claim to her. Regardless of every nerve in my body screaming otherwise. It’s her life. She’s given more than enough to deserve whatever, whoever, makes her happy.” I went to hug him and he stepped out of my reach. “As much as I appreciate it, I don’t need your sympathy for making the right decision.” He tried to play it off as a joke but I knew he truly meant it.

“Well if you ever want to talk about it…”

“Like how you want to talk about Tamlin.” He cut me off. My mouth set into a thin line and I took that as a dismissal of the conversation. Fine. I just wanted to crawl into bed anyway.

“Well now that we’ve established that. Anything else you want to say, oh mighty High Lord.”

“No.”

“Good. Good night.” I said and swiftly shut the door in his face. I love my brother but he really knows how to get under my skin sometimes. I know deep down I’m mad because he called me out. I can’t expect him to pour his heart out to me when I won’t do the same thing.

I threw the covered back and crawled in, still fully dressed. Mind reeling. I wouldn’t even know where to start with talking to anyone about Tamlin. And what good would it do? All of that was in the past and talking about it would only piss everyone off all over again. We had just barely avoided attacking the spring court when I came home. I don’t want to drag Feyre into this now that she’s there.

I managed to finally fall asleep, tossing and turning. Dreams filled with deep swirling greens and the sound of growls.

When I woke up in the morning I could tell it was later than normal. The sun is slightly higher in the air. Snapping out of my sleepy haze I cursed as I jumped out of bed. I was late for training and Cassian wasn’t going to let me forget that.

Throwing on my clothes, mentally screaming at all the buckles on my training leathers. I knew not eating was going to come back to bite me in the ass but I simply didn’t have time as I sprinted through the house. In my haste, I passed a grinning Rhys. The events from last night seemingly forgiven as he taunted me.

“Maybe he’ll consider this your warm up today.” I held up a crude gesture and he only laughed harder.

I made it to the training rink in record time. My hands were on my knees as I panted. The stitch in my side was already screaming at me but I forced myself to stand up straight as Cassian sauntered over to me. The split in his lip told me Him and Azriel had gotten started without me.

“You’re late, princess.” I flinched at his tone. He surveyed me. “I think double drills should be enough to make sure that doesn’t happen again. I cursed, I couldn’t get through the routine once without limping back to the house. Two would kill me and he knew it.

“What are you waiting for? An invitation?” He held out his hand “Consider this it.” He stepped away from me, going back over to Azriel. I know Cassian wasn’t actually mad at me. He also knew that if he went easy on me, I wouldn’t take training seriously. I appreciated the routine of it all and I really did need it. So sighing I got started.

I was halfway through my second set when Cas called me over.

“Lesson learned?” He simply asked. I nodded. Still trying to take in breath. My muscles are screaming at me for still being vertical.

“Good because Cas and I decided it’s finally time to step this up a notch. You’re almost the same as you were before. Now it’s time to get your powers involved. Relearn how to fight with those.” Azriel spoke. My stomach sank. This was something I hadn't considered. It was a stupid oversight on my part and I didn’t know how to get myself out of this so I responded with the truth.

“I don’t have my powers.”

“Okay, nice joke” Cassian cut in.

“I’m not joking. I can’t use them anymore.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“I can’t use my powers” I grumble. “They’re still in there but it’s like I’m fighting against a wall.” Azriel raised an eyebrow at that revelation.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know but all I know is I tried to use them… you know… And they wouldn’t come. Everyone had theirs back so I know it wasn’t the curse. So for whatever reason I couldn’t make them work.” It was embarrassing to admit. My powers had been the only truly useful thing I could rely on in the training ring.

“Have you tried since then?” I nodded. Not so much of a glimmer of them since I came home. I told Cassian that much and he swore under his breath.

“We could always take you to see Helion.” I shook my head at his words.

“I don’t want to burden him with more problems. He has enough to do in his own court. I’ll figure it out, but for now I’ll just have to fight the old fashioned way.”

Neither of the males in front of me seemed to be happy with my response but Cassian jumped right back in.

“Fine. But that means that you have a lot more training to do. If you had your powers you would be fine. But in just plain hand to hand combat, you’d get your ass kicked by anyone with any skill.”

I glared at him but I knew he was telling the truth. Grabbing his arm, I pulled him into the center of the ring and tossed him one of the training swords. Heavy but they wouldn’t do nearly as much damage when he hit me.

“Do your worst then.” Was all I said before he charged at me.

“You’re sloppy.” Cassian barked as he knocked the sword out of hand again, again. I held my wrist as it twisted at a weird angel. My cheeks heated with anger and I went to wipe the sweat that had formed on my brow with my other, only to find it just as damp. I recoiled in disgust and Cassian laughed again.

“You try getting your shit kicked in for fifty years and see how you bounce back.” I spoke and I saw his face pale. Shit. “Joking Cas, it’s okay.”

I shook my head. “I am sloppy. And that’s why I’m still training with your annoying ass. You’ll have me back in tip top shape.” He relaxed slightly, but his shoulders still wouldn’t lower.

I sighed and did the only thing I could think of as he turned away from me. I jumped onto his back, being mindful of his wings and pulled him down to the ground. The air left his lungs in a whoosh as I took us both onto our sides, I quickly bounded to my feet, ignoring the sting in my side from the impact.

“Come on you big Illyrian baby.” I raised my arms slightly in front of me and a flicker of something crossed Cassian's face and I saw him make the decision to play along. To pretend that this was just a normal day of training. He leapt to his feet with a surprising amount of grace.

“If you want a fight, you got it princess” He said with a smirk. We both stood in the middle of the training ring, circling each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. Swords forgotten off to the side. I saw the slight twitch of his left side and I made the choice to ignore the fake out, and went to block my right side. It was the right choice, the blow aimed toward my right side bounded off my forearm, it still stung but at least it didn’t put me on my ass like it would have had it made contact. I grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm back, pulling him closer towards me and pushing on his back. He only stumbled for a second before he regained his footing. That kick had put me off balance more than I anticipated and it was easy for Cassian to grab the leg that lowered too slowly, grabbing my ankle and yanking me to my stomach. I yelped at the contact. He laughed loudly as I held my hand up in surrender. I rolled over onto my back with a groan.

“Give me a few days back in training and I’ll have you on your ass, General.” He laughed even harder.

“In case you forgot, princess, you could barely do that even on your best days. Give yourself more time.”

“A week.” I responded with my own laugh. Whatever I had done, it worked. Cassian’s shoulders had fully relaxed and I noticed the smile gracing his face finally reached his eyes. I noticed Azriel starting a few feet away. I sat back on my elbows, propping myself up. “Want a round, Az?” I teased and was rewarded by him rolling those big hazel eyes.

“I think you’ve hurt yourself enough for today.” Was all he said before he turned to stalk away from the ring. I laid back down in the dirt of the ring at his retreating figure, sighing heavily. Cas comes to stand over me, offering me a hand up. I grab it, pulling myself up.

“Give him some more time to come around. This was harder for him than the rest of us.” He was suddenly serious. “He’ll get there, but you know him. Broody as they come.” He nudged me with his wing and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the gesture. I nodded in understanding and the pair of us walked back up to the house.

This was harder for him than the rest of us. The words bounced around my head for the rest of the day. It makes sense. Azriel would have seen this as him failing. Not only failing me but his High Lord. Regardless of how hard everyone must have tried to comfort him, he would always blame himself, and only himself, for Rhys and I going under the mountain.

It also explained why Azriel seemed to be avoiding me. Besides that first awkward meeting, he always managed to find an excuse to not be in the same room as me if he could avoid it. I’ve been home for almost a month now and I had hardly seen him. The few times I ran into him in the hall, he would quickly and politely brush me. Not saying anymore than a few words in greeting or response to a question I might have asked him. Be patient. I could do that. But it was hard to ignore the sting in my chest every time he brushed me off. We were practically joined at the hip before I left. I fit seamlessly into the fold of the trio but now Azriel felt like a stranger again.

My mind was too full of thoughts to begin to try to settle down, so after I bathed the dirt and sweat off, I changed into a loose nightgown that almost went to the ground and padded off for the library. When I got to the door, it was slightly cracked, light from the fireplace filling even the hallway with its warmth. It was like the room itself was calling to me and as I stepped in. Above the crackle of the fire, I made out the sound of pages turning, of fabric rustling as someone shifted on one of the couches in the room. I searched for the source of the sound and found none other than Azriel lounging with a book propped open on his lap. He didn’t seem to notice me until one of his shadows snuck off his lap and slithered over to my feet, wrapping around them like they always did.

He closed his book and glanced over to where I stood in the doorway. Something flashed across his eyes that I couldn’t decipher before it faded away. He cleared his throat and said a generic greeting. My heart sank as I saw him mark the page he was on in his book, and place it on the end table to his right. I tried not to pout as I said. “Don’t leave on my account.” I said, keeping my tone light to hide the oily feeling pooling in my stomach. The shadow at my feet seemed to curl in tighter to me as Azriel went to stand.

“I was just finishing up anyways.” He couldn’t seem to meet my eyes. “The rooms all yours.”

“Azriel…” I don’t know what I was going to stay. Maybe beg him to stay with me, maybe start shouting at him but I know none of that would help, would only make both of us feel worse. Be patient with him. So I bit back all the words I wanted to say to him and simply said. “Good night.” He called to me as he headed out of the room, his shoulder just barely brushing mine as he passed by me. The room suddenly felt too cold so I willed the house to put the fire out and walked out, heading back to my own room suddenly feeling very tired.

I crawled under my covers and tried to push the thought of Azriel’s eyes out of my mind as I drifted off into a fitful sleep.

I sensed it. I was back under the mountain. Nonono. This can’t be happening but I saw it all out in front of me. Rhys was in front of me, standing on the dais with Amarantha standing next to him. I almost broke down, knees buckling, when I saw that all-too-familiar mask of indifference grace my brother's face. I tried to call out but my voice wouldn’t come out, feet locked in place as I stood and helplessly watched as the red haired female reached a finger under Rhys chin. Bile raised in my throat as I saw her whisper something to him, something I couldn’t make out. When I tried to reach out for his mind, I was met with nothing more than those iron thick walls he built up. Amarantha’s eyes locked on mine and it was like she set me on fire. My skin burned, the string of her breaking my bones, of the attors smacking me down everytime I said something out of place. Finally I seemed to find my voice, but only a scream ripped from my throat at the phantom pain. Her red lips curled into a cold smile. “Welcome back pet.” another scream made its way from my throat.

I flung myself into a sitting position, jolting awake from the nightmare. My lungs ached as I gulped down air. My skin still burned and I threw off my blanket, pulling my knees to my chest. I almost screamed again as I realized the presence of something, someone, in my room.

Azriel’s soft voice said my name. “I heard you scream, I thought…” My eyes finally adjusted and I could make out his frame. “I’m sorry. I'll go.”

“No.” I rasped, throat raw. I must have actually been screaming. That explains his presence in my room, kind of. My hand went up to my neck attempting to rub away the pain in my chest. The pain didn't stop the request that bubbled over my lips. “Please. Stay.” I saw him go still, turning back around to me. Even in the dark, I was able to find his eyes, wide open as they locked on mine. Tears welled up in my eyes and I tried not to sniffle.

He whispered my name again. “Just go back to sleep.” He was starting to turn around again. My body reacted faster than my mind, I reached over the large bed, reached for his arm. “Please.” It was all I could get out. Please stay. Please talk to me. Please can we pretend that all of this didn’t happen and please be my best friend again. So many things tied into that one word. It’s almost like he sensed it and he sighed, relaxing into my touch.

“Only until you fall back asleep.” He sounded exhausted and his tone made me feel heavy all over again. He still shuffled in behind me. I tried not to think about the fact that when I went to tuck myself into his chest that I was met with bare skin. Resisted the urge to trail my hand down along those perfect abs, to the deep vee that I knew laid beneath them. I just buried myself deeper into his side and I felt his wings wrap around me, shielding me from the world around us as I drifted back to sleep. The smell of cedar lulling me into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up feeling more rested than I had since I’ve been back home. I knew he wouldn’t still be here but my hand still reached out to the side of the bed he’d been in, still warm. He had stayed. That explains why I slept so well. His scent lingered in the room and not caring how desperate it might have seemed, I buried my face into the pillow he had been laying on. I let his scent surround me and calm me down. A knock on the door had me groaning but sitting up anyways.

‘You didn’t come to breakfast so I wanted to check on you…” More said as she opened the door, she looked around as she spoke and her face fell slightly before continuing. “I had Nuala make you a tray in case you were hungry when you woke up.” She held a small wooden tray in her hand and I beamed at her, touched by the small gesture from my cousin.

“Thank you.” Was all I could get out, tears threatening to fall at the kindness in her action.

“I heard you last night.” She spoke quietly as she walked to the edge of my bed, sitting down at my feet. “I know I wasn’t there, but if you ever need to talk, or just someone to listen to. I’ll always be here.”

“You don’t need that stuff in your head too. It’s bad enough it's mine.”

She said my name in a concerned tone and I waved her off. “Don’t we have some books you need me to finish?” I said, deflect. She sighed sensing she wouldn’t win this one.

“Maybe we should take a break from the library today.” My face dropped as I thought of what I could possibly do with my day if it wasn’t reading with Mor. “I need to go shopping for some stuff, start looking around for Solstice presents and I haven't had a proper shopping buddy…” She trailed off, giving me a full megawatt smile.

“Alright let's go, before you start batting your eyelashes at me.” I playfully rutted her in the ribs and she threw her arm over my shoulder.

I haven't gone out to the shops in Velaris since I’d been back home. A part of me had forgotten how beautiful my home truly was. I tried not to stare in awe at the new vendors, the smell of food lingering in the air. People walked to and fro, running errands for the day. Mor and I had found one of my favorite dress shops and all but pulled me into the shop.

The designer was known for her slightly scandalous fashion. Floor length gowns with cut outs that left little to the imagination but were still heartbreakingly gorgeous. By the time Mor and I left, our arms were full of bags and I still had a few more dresses to pick up that needed to be altered.

We flitted in and out of more stores until the sun was starting to sink behind the horizon. When I noticed where we were I almost suggested we stopped by Rita’s but my shoulders were starting to hurt from the weight of the bags and Mor wouldn’t be able to winnow us into the house if we did have a few drinks nor did I even want to think of carrying them back.

So when we finally checked out from the last store, Mor having purchased a honestly hideous printed shirt for Cassian, we joined arms and started the walk back to the townhouse.

After dropping off all of my new things in my room, I knew I had to go apologize to Rhys. Armen could wait, if I ever bothered to say sorry to her. She wouldn’t hold it against me either way. Our relationship was more antagonist than anything else anyways. So I put the clothes into my closet and padded off to find Rhys.

Eventually I found him in his study. He didn’t look up as I closed the door behind me. I called his name. Still nothing. So I walked over to his desk. I noticed he was clutching a letter in his hand, holding it so tightly that it was starting to crinkle. I went beside him and soothed the letter out of his hand. My face paled as I read carefully over the words.

Feyre was marrying Tamlin.

The letter wasn’t an invitation. Just a simple announcement that would be extended to all high lords when one of them married. I dropped the piece of paper like it had burned me. I grasped for the right words to say to my brother, but when he looked up at me they all faded away. Agony I had never quite seen in them before knocked the breath from my lungs.

“I know I have no reason to be upset. I should just be happy that she’s happy. But I can’t find it in me.” He stared at the tattoo on his hand. “I’ll never see her again. Not after she marries him. I might get glimpses at balls but I’ll never really be able to see her.” Never be able to see her because we both know how Tamlin treats the people he loves. The gilded cage Feyre will be locked in the moment she says “I do”. I gave myself a moment to mourn for the girl. But I know there was nothing either of us could do in this situation. So I did the only thing I could think of. I strolled over to the bar cart in the corner of the room and poured both of us a few fingers of whiskey. He eyed it carefully as I passed him the glass. He took it out of my hands and knocked it back in one fluid motion. I did the same with mine. Holding out the glass for more, I poured him another. We just sat drinking until the familiar flush started to creep onto my face. Rhys hasn't said much, neither of us have. Content with drinking away the pit in both of our stomachs.

“I love her.” He said after he finished his third glass. He didn’t sound. In fact this was the most sober I think I had ever heard him

“I think I’ve loved her since I first saw her in the spring court. But I know I loved her when she offered herself in place of Tamlin. This brave human offering to save our entire world, who before that moment would have let her tear her to shreds.” He grimaced, as if the very thought disgusted him.

“So tell her.” I said with a shrug. He glared at me.

“You know it’s not that easy.” I did know. But I wanted him to be happy. I didn’t want him to have to sit here and drown out his sorrow while Tamlin got to play hero. Tamlin, who sat around while my brother risked his neck time and time again to save Feyre. He slumped down into his chair and laughed at the ceiling.

“The mother can be a real bitch sometimes. I don’t know what I did to deserve all this good fortune.” His voice was bitter and truly didn’t know how to respond. I went to pour him another glass but he put a hand over his glass.

“As much as I appreciate what you’re doing. I think I need to go to sleep before I march into the Spring Court and drag her out. Regardless of if she’ll hate me or not.” His eyes soften as he looks at me. “You should head to bed soon too. I don’t need to look into your mind to know you’re going a million miles a minute right now.”

He wasn’t wrong. My thoughts had been roaring around in my head since I read that letter. It wasn’t hard to put myself back into Feyre’s shoes. My heart panged for this selfless girl. How long until the cracks in the foundation started show and she would be pulled into the storm that is Tamlin. I nodded in acknowledgement of his words. Putting the cork back onto the glass bottle. I rose from my chair, rolling my stiff shoulders. Rhys and I both returned to our respective rooms.

Hard as I tried, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned but couldn’t get comfortable. I had run out of the sleeping tonic a few nights before so I just accepted that sleep wasn’t going to come. I made no move to get out of bed though. I just curled my covers tighter over me. When the sun peeked through my curtain. I didn’t get up. I didn’t go to training. I didn’t even get up from my bed until mid afternoon, just going far enough to use the bathroom. Immediately crawling back into the warmth of my bed.

Someone had knocked on the door and I pretended to be asleep when I heard the door click open. I ignored the smell of cedar until I felt a shadow sweep across my bed, settling by my face. If it knew I was asleep, it didn’t respond to its master. But it also didn’t leave when my door softly shut. I just turned to face away from the ripple of blackness. Not wanting to deal with the comfort the small action granted me.

When I finally left my bedroom the next day, I learned Rhys had behaved similarly yesterday. The two of us floating around the house. We were bad enough that the others cleared out of whatever room we were in. I couldn’t find it in myself to really care enough to knock it off.

This continued for the remainder of the week leading up to the date of the wedding. I expected the same behavior as I woke up the morning of the big day. But when I walked into the kitchen, Rhys was sitting around the table with Cassian and Azriel, head thrown back in laughter. He turned his head to me as I walked in and smiled at me.

“Glad to see you’re feeling better.” I grunted at him. Walking to the fridge I pulled out a bowl of fruit and swiped a couple pieces of sliced strawberry. He hummed in response and Cassian spoke up.

“We’re going to the cabin later, if you want to come with us. We’ll need someone to help us finish all this booze.” He gestured to three large boxes that were occupying the floor of the kitchen. I raised an eyebrow to Rhys and he shook his head. Drop it. He spoke in my head. I shoved him out and when I looked back at him, he looked hurt.

“Boys, can I speak to my brother alone?” The two looked confused but stood up from the table regardless.

“You don’t approve?” Rhy asked plainly. I scoffed.

“They might not know what today is, but I do,” I snatched the unopened bottle from his hand. “If you want to drink yourself stupid, I won’t stop you but that doesn’t prevent all of this from happening.” He made a lunge for the bottle and I was somehow able to keep it out of his grasp. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers.

“What do you want me to say? That I would rather her marry anyone else than him? That I wish I was the one that she was happy to see. That I wished she would change her mind…” He trailed off. Eyes seemingly far away. Horror washed over his face.

“Rhys?” I spoke softly, wondering if I pushed him too hard.

“I have to go.” Was all he said and before I could catch him, he had winnowed away.

I had been on edge since Rhys disappeared with no sign of where he was going to. It hasn't been more than an hour but I was about to wear a hole through the rugs in the hallway with my pacing. Suddenly, I heard Rhys in my head. Grab Mor and meet me at the big house. I didn’t respond. Just went to find Mor, she must have received a similar message because when I got to her room she was already waiting for me. She didn;t ask any questions, merely grabbing my arm and winnowing us to the house we rarely ever used. When we arrived to the house I nearly gasped as I saw why Rhys had disappeared so suddenly. I just had time to make out a satin slipper as it was chucked with deadly precision right at Rhys’ head. She had barely launched the other one at him before she stormed off up the stairs. Rhys was all but growling as he stalked over to us. “That went well.” Mor snorted at him and this time Rhys actually growled at her before stalking over to his own room.

We didn't see or hear from Feyre for the rest of the night, the three of us eating in silence. I felt the tension rolling off of Rhys when Nuala and Cerridwen informed us that Feyre hadn't eaten the dinner they had left for her. My stomach sank and I avoided the stare from my brother. He had asked me to go check on her. Saying that I could offer her some company. I didn’t have it in me to talk to her yet. Didn’t want to make this day, this decision, about me. And I know going into that room I would see a younger version of myself I wasn’t ready to face.

The next day, Rhys had insisted on her joining us for breakfast. She came stomping down the stairs. “I’m not a dog.” She sneered at him before taking a tentative seat at the table.

She looked around and her eyes locked onto mine, recognition sparkling in them,

“I remember you. You were under the mountain. What are you doing here?” Her tone was surprisingly pleasant, a stark contrast from every word she had said to my brother.

I introduced myself. “I’m his sister.” She laughed at that.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” It was hard to bite back my comment while I looked at her. It was like looking into an old memory, the dark circle around her eyes, the way the light had completely vanished behind them. She didn’t even look like this under the mountain. Tamlin had broken her completely. I’m sorry for you. I didn’t say that though, instead just responding with a simple.

“You get used to it.”

“I doubt that.” She snorted and started picking at the food in front of her.

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veronika-tserber · 1 year

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3rd House Ruler Through the Houses

The 3rd House in the Birth Chart Tells Us About:

How important communication is to us

How we express ourselves through spoken/written word

Our learning style and high-school education

Our relationship with siblings & the immediate environment

Our driving skills, as well as why we take short trips

We analyze the sign, the ruling planet of the sign, the degree, and any planets in the house (and their aspects). For this post, I am only asking you to look at the sign on the cusp and where its ruling planet is placed. This area of life is where your communicative abilities can shine the most.

E.g., if you have an Aries 3rd house, look at the house where Mars (also check out the modern ruler, Pluto) is placed, and read the explanation below.)

Some signs have TWO rulers, so read about both:

♈ Aries: Mars & Pluto

♏ Scorpio: Pluto & Mars

♐ Sagittarius: Jupiter & Neptune

♒ Aquarius: Uranus & Saturn

♓ Pisces: Neptune & Jupiter

3H Ruler in the 1H Your communication is closely tied to your self-image and self-expression. Others notice your manner of speech right away, and this could mean different things depending on the ruling planet. You express yourself best when you are able to freely speak up, and share your humor and opinions. You might learn best when you are physically involved in your learning. You can have a great sense of orientation and driving skills. Close relationships with siblings. Great communication is vital to you and your self-confidence. You could be a great writer/journalist/comedian or be involved in business and marketing. Short trips by yourself or for personal reasons.

3H Ruler in the 2H You probably like to think and talk about practical topics such as money, work, health, etc. You could also be skilled at crafting things and working with your hands. Similarly to the 1H people, you can have a "hands-on" approach to learning, and probably like to put any theory to the test. "Does it ACTUALLY work?" You might like to invest money into technology, education, cars/vehicles, and books. You could be interested in financial education, economics, real estate, or the arts. The financial state of your family affected your education and early environment. Your siblings ask you for financial support. Short trips for practical reasons.

3H Ruler in the 3H Communication and mental health are extremely important to you in this lifetime. Your immediate environment, education, and relationship with siblings play an important role in your life. You can be great at expressing yourself in verbal or written form and have the ability to sell goods, advertise, and be driven to learn things. You could be highly involved in your day-to-day life and love to find new and better ways to deal with everyday reality. You can be naturally skilled at solving everyday problems and fixing things. You could be quite fond of social media or the news - you like to stay in touch with everything that's going on in the world right now. Short trips with your siblings or acquaintances/schoolmates.

3H Ruler in the 4H You communicate best when you feel emotionally safe. You might be shy around strangers or people you don't "vibe" with. You could be interested in psychology and the themes of deconditioning, trauma, inner child healing, and family. You could've been homeschooled or you like the idea of homeschooling your children one day. A sibling of yours might've played the role of a mother/nurturer to you or vice-versa. You think deeply and love to see people open up to you and reveal their emotions and vulnerabilities. You could be interested in real estate, creative writing, and working from home. Your upbringing affects your communication and thinking patterns. You learn best in a safe environment that feels cozy and protective. You also might be a visual learner with strong emotional memory. You might be prone to thinking about the past a lot. You can be a skilled cook or good at fixing things around the house when they break. Short trips with the whole family.

3H Ruler in the 5H Your style of communication might be emotionally expressive, theatrical, and lively. You might love to draw people's attention by voicing your opinions or using your communicative abilities to entertain. You could be naturally skilled in the arts or want to go through formal art education. You might also have siblings that are artists. You love to talk about fun stuff, discuss art, movies, and flirt. You learn best when you are having fun! Communication with your own children is important to you, as well. You could have a "gambler" mindset or might like to take risks. You might like to buy or sell beauty/luxury items. Short trips for the purpose of having fun and enjoyment.

3H Ruler in the 6H This is double Mercury energy, so the importance of communication and service is amplified in your life. You can use your intellect and communicative abilities in your work or as a way to serve others in a practical way. In your education, you are punctual, responsible, and efficient. You love to learn! Especially about things that improve your day-to-day reality such as how to fix things around the house, how to improve your health, be better at your job, etc. You are probably a cautious driver, as well, and you can take short trips for work or for the sake of fulfilling other responsibilities. You could be interested in medical education/naturopathy but it really depends on the planet.

3H Ruler in the 7H Communication is crucial for you in your close personal relationships. If the planetary ruler isn't afflicted, you likely express yourself freely in front of others, and can easily forge new connections and partnerships. You can be a huge flirt! If the ruler is afflicted, you can struggle with self-expression. Nonetheless, people pay a lot of attention to how you think and communicate. You could potentially meet your future marriage partner during a short trip or thanks to your siblings/neighbors. You could also meet them while you are out riding your bicycle around the neighborhood, or buying coffee from your local coffee shop. Potential "high school sweethearts" placement, as well. You could have an education or a strong interest in relationship dynamics, and depending on the planet, that could be the placement of a counselor or a lawyer. Short trips with your partners, people close to your heart, or for business.

3H Ruler in the 8H In your communication, you like to go DEEP. You aren't satisfied with superficial information and you likely avoid social media, gossip, and small talk. You can keep a secret. You could potentially be challenged in your communication, and appear asocial or closed-off. It all depends on the ruling planet and its aspects. Nonetheless, you have an interest in the occult, psychology, sex, death, and other "taboo" topics. You could also come off as critical and sharp with your words. You could study and be interested in financial topics, and investments, or run advertising for a funeral agency. (I'm only halfway joking lol, and this is my placement, too 🤣) If the ruling planet is afflicted, you can be prone to accidents with vehicles or in your close environment. There could be issues in early education or perhaps strong bonds with some of the people you went to high school with. Possibly love-hate relationships with siblings, too. You like to take short trips with your intimate partners or by yourself.

3H Ruler in the 9H Your long-term goals and philosophy in life can be formed through your early education and experience of the early close environment. In your communication, you could be quite philosophical and might love to think about existential questions and the "big perspective" in life. You communicate and express yourself best in an academic environment of like-minded people/colleagues or with your professors. Alternatively, you could have issues there, depending on the ruling planet. You could be interested in foreign cultures, be multi-lingual, or skilled in literature or history. You could be the local tour guide for foreigners. You could pursue higher education in journalism, science, and writing, or decide to become a teacher, yourself. A lot of it depends on the ruling planet. Short trips for educational purposes and for the sake of adventure.

3H Ruler in the 10H Your communication abilities play a role in your career. Your education is the foundation of your profession and social status. Learning more languages, improving your practical skillset, communication, staying informed, and using social media constructively can help you advance career-wise. You could work in the field of trading, marketing, writing, teaching, and other Mercurial fields. It largely depends on the ruling planet. You could benefit (or suffer) from your ability to relate to authority figures and those "above you" on the social ladder. You probably like to feel in charge of your learning and education, but also love structure and measuring your achievements. You could have been ambitious and competitive at school. Taking short business trips.

3H Ruler in the 11H You communicate with pleasure among friends and like-minded individuals. This includes internet friends and communities. You love sharing your thoughts, visions, and interests with others, and engaging in inspiring conversations. You probably enjoy discussing social issues and topics and talking about your dreams and aspirations. You could also be prone to changing your interests a lot, and you could join many groups and communities over the years - especially in high school. You love to learn more about progressive ideas, technology, astrology, astronomy, science, etc. You might have a friendly relationship with your siblings. Regarding your learning style, you could be more fond of learning through the internet or working in a collaborative environment than sitting at a desk and having to "memorize" stuff. You could take short trips with friends.

3H Ruler in the 12H You could be really private with your thoughts. You could speak in a compassionate and gentle way that draws people in. Alternatively, you could be closed off and avoid communication or have some sort of a speech impediment/disability. You could be interested in learning more about spirituality, healing, art, mental health, etc. You could find that you tend to daydream a lot and your imagination is really vivid. It could be the placement for a painter, dancer, or creative writer, but it depends on other factors. Your education can involve the things above, plus psychology, energy healing, or the more traditional medical field. You could struggle in a traditional school environment. Your learning style is highly intuitive and may involve storytelling, metaphors, and visualization. You could definitely study better in solitude. Strong emotional memory. Great listener. You can take short trips to be by yourself and jam along to your favorite music.

The Ask Box is open for specific questions, folks! 😊

- Foxbörn

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ 1

ᴄʜᴀʀᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢꜱ

ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ?

#astro notes #3rd house #astro observations #astrology houses #natal chart houses #astrology #zodiac #astro community #zodiac signs #birth chart #natal chart #astroworld #horoscope

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zutarasbuff · 2 months

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My connection with Zuko & Zutara

I’ve always been so passionate about Zuko and the way his character has layers of complexity within the show. It is said that art inspires life. People often accuse Zuko stans of “having alustful attitude toward a fictional character as the girls simply want him for his looks”. I believe it’s not the case. This is something I have always kept in my heart.

My reasons for being a part of the Zuko fandom are not just based on the show but on a personal level as well. Zuko helped me in coping with some of my worst nightmares, the trials that I believe were the hardest. One of my friends mocked my idea of Zuko as being too much obsessed with a fictional character. According to her, this was not normal and I should have gone to a therapist but I have seen the real world. I have seen how cruel the reality is, and in those moments it was his character that provided me comfort and strength.

Back when I was a child, I watched the season first and fell in love with the concept of “bending”. Honestly, at that time, I hated Zuko because of his mad hunt for Aang and the gang. I always wanted him to fail because, in my eyes, it was always Aang who was going to save the day (being the hero). As I grew up, I watched the season again and this time I looked at Zuko from a different perspective. It was something that I now noticed. I noticed how similar Zuko was to me because both of us had experienced the absence of our mothers in a very young age and this kept the trauma alive throughout our lives. In the show, we find that Zuko was emotionally abused by his father to be someone he didn’t want to be. I had gone through the same experience when I was always considered “not good enough as a daughter” no matter what I did to please my father.

Just like Zuko, I always had questions in my mind why did my mother leave me and where she was at the moment? Just like him it also turned me into a bitter person, a person who had a hard time trusting someone with all their heart. I looked at him and his struggle. Zuko is always ridiculed for his quest to “redeem his honor”, but the truth is if you have ever walked in his shoes, you will be able to find out that all he wanted was to be loved and accepted by his father because he had an absent parent. It is natural for a child to want the attention of a parent especially when one of the parents is absent. He did everything for Ozai. Just the way I made my career choices based on Papa’s willingness. I felt a strange connection with Zuko because both of us were the same. You will find that the hard shell of Zuko starts breaking when someone shows the slightest concern of care or love toward him. This is the sole reason why Zuko always pretends to be a cruel guy because he’s broken on the inside. He doesn’t want to give someone a chance to play with his emotions and make him vulnerable again because he knows the cost of it from his traumatic past.

This is how broken people are. I have gone through the same phase and in doing so I believe I must have hurt people who were kind like Mai and Uncle Iroh were to Zuko. It’s because people like us are afraid of falling in love and showing the slightest traces of weakness. We act strong because we have fought our demons hard. We are afraid of turning out to be the horrible version of our parents. Even Zuko kept on fearing that he might turn up to be like Ozai after being the Firelord. It’s because all his trauma, his hurt, his unspoken emotions, and his pain were still there and he knew it wouldn’t change.

As a lover, we find that he tries to save Mai from being blamed as the girlfriend of a banished prince, and for this reason, he breaks up but never forgets to care about her. As a person, who was broken in more than one way, I have done the same in the past. I built my walls so high so that no one could get hurt by my harshness, and my demons but even after that I never forgot to care for the people who were significant to me, because people like us know the consequences of inflicting hurt upon someone very well. Zuko to me is the guy who if was real would have understood me and people like me.

I know it might seem a bit bizarre to several people here, but I think I love this fictional person from the core of my heart because I know his traumas, his pain, and his hurt. It’s not easy to pretend that you are fine when you are clearly not okay. I love him because I believe that he would be the only person in the world who had an idea of my heart and traumas. When I ship him with Katara, I have this idea in my mind that she is the other person who lost her mother had issues with her father, and pretended to be happy despite all that she went through. Maybe it comes off as a selfish declaration but as a person who has gone through worse in life, somewhere in Katara I see a version of myself who is angry, hurt, and still feels safe with someone like him. I wish if a parallel world existed, both of them could end up together there, and get all the happiness they have always deserved.

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itsbansheebitch · 4 months

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How to Word THIS

I tried rewriting this post so many times. I'm going to try bullet points instead.

I think all of these are good/true:

From my experience as an afab person raised similarly to a boy due to my father wanting a boy, I can confidently say that the emotional suppression that men and boys experience on a daily basis is frankly, inhumane.

Parents shouldn't speculate their kid(s) gender/sexuality/etc just because their kid is showing certain behaviors/having certain interests that aren't stereotypical for their assigned gender.

Parents should allow kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure not to push them into anything.

Parents should allow their kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure that their kid is first and foremost SAFE and HAPPY.

Emotional suppression is expected of men/boys, but science agrees that emotional suppression is in short, BAD FOR YOU.

"Be a man" is often used as a slap in the face to keep men/boys in line. You can imagine this isn't ideal if a boy is reporting bullying in school or a man is trying to bring up unsafe working conditions.

A lot of women have trauma about men (including myself), but this doesn't mean that a whole marginalized group should be excluded from sports (We're not going to re-segregate sports just because some people have trauma related to black people, are we?)

Men & boys' emotions should not only be accepted but ENCOURAGED!

Black men's emotions have been demonized for CENTURIES. Make sure to raise an eyebrow when you hear a black man experiencing anger described as "animalistic" or described with any other dehumanizing language.

Stop expecting men to do things you don't expect women to do! If you don't expect women to chase CEO positions, don't ask why a man isn't a CEO yet! Just like how you shouldn't expect a woman to be a wife and mother by 25 if that's not what you're expecting of men. And if you are having those kinds of standards then maybe lower them because both sides and both genders are extremely unrealistic!

Men aren't given the tools to describe their emotions! If you are wondering what a man thinks about a topic, a decision, etc, give them time to respond and let them know they have time to think! Give them time to think about their answer. If they want (ASK) you can offer an Emotion Wheel or a few (metaphorical) Mad Libs for them to start their answer with.

Alexithymia (also known as emotional colorblindness) is a phenomenon when someone has trouble describing their emotions. They feel all their emotions normally, but they struggle describing them or giving them detail.

Normative Male Alexithymia is a type of Alexithymia. It is called "Normative Male..." because in a lot of cultures (specifically western cultures) it is normal for men to suppress their emotions to the point of having trouble recalling names of emotions or describing them in detail when asked.

Alexithymia/Normative Male Alexithymia is a BIG reason why a lot of men struggle in therapy. It is also the reason why I, myself struggled (to communicate my thoughts) in therapy. Because I was raised to suppress my emotions and not communicate my thoughts.

I truly believe that if my upbringing was even a HINT a SLICE a BREATH a WHISPER a TINY BIT of what the average boy's upbringing is like, then our collective, societal treatment of men and boys is inhumane and inexcusable.

I know any boy or man that makes a post even hinting something like this would be attacked. This isn't me being a pick-me, this is me telling you that my dad was prepared to raise boys, he got girls, and I got a VERY different perspective because of it. I'm telling you right now that if how I was treated was even a hint of what the average boy gets growing up, then we owe men an apology. I'm not joking. This is not satire.

People talk about intersectionality, but rarely actually NAME boys and men as being a part of the discussion (unless they're the "villain"). I think we should do so more often. They are ALSO getting the short end of the stick. (Expecting to be part of an "Atom Family" and work ALL DAY??? NO THANKS)

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bylerschmyler · 1 year

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Mike - Vecna's 4th victim

I know that many people believe that Mike was a tool for Vecna to get Will and El back or that he waited for Mike to be gone to California. I have a pretty different perspective on this and I want to share my thoughts about this. I just gonna warn you that this post will be quite long but I would appreciate it if you take your time to read it.

For the tool-theory and waiting to be gone-theory I have two simple reasons why I don't think that they are correct.

When Vecna kills Chrissy Mike is still in Hawkins. He doesn't wait for Mike to be gone/sitting in the car/plane and traveling to California. Vecna kills her mere hours before Mike had no possibility to interfere with him. It's not only that Vecna kills Chrissy, no he kills her in close proximity to Max who could have been more suspicious about Eddie, Chrissy and the lights and could have called a CODE RED, which would have led to Mike not going to California. So if he wanted Mike to go to California (either for him to be gone or to get El/Will back) why would he jeopardize this mission by being too impatient?

If Vecna wanted Mike out of the way why didn't he just kill him? I mean we can all agree that pre S4 Mike already has a massive amount of trauma. So if he needs Mike out of the way he could have just cursed him too, couldn't he? There was nobody to stop him from doing it. El? Out of the picture. No powers and too far away. Mike? Wouldn't be able to help himself during a trance. The Party? If they don't know what is coming, how would they prevent it?

So I think Mike wasn't a tool for Vecna. He was a perfect fit for a far more important role.

He was the Chosen one, the fourth, the final sacrifice.

But before we are going to discuss Mike's role in Vecna's plan in detail, let's take a step back and take a look in the things that actually happened in S4.

Specifically everything that has to do with Patrick and his curse. Because there are so many things wrong with Patricks curse.

First of all Patrick doesn't fit the other victims. Timing wise as well as in his trauma and our connection to him and his connection to other characters on the show.

Timing

Patrick is the only victim that we see getting cursed. This happens on the March 23rd (sunday) at some point during the day (morning or noon I guess). (here the scene where he gets cursed)

This is in direct contrast to the timeline which is presented by Max. For further explanation this is also March 23rd but late in the evening.

So let me get this straight.

Chrissy's curse started a week ago (approximately week = seven days. I made this post where I found a specific date when Chrissy's symptoms started and they are not adding up. But I think it's because it's meant to be not the curse itself that's coursing these symptoms but something else which I will talk about in another post)

Fred's started six days ago

Max's five days ago

And Patrick just that morning (basically one day ago)?

In no way this is supposed to happen. What was the reason? Did Vecna forget to curse Patrick four days ago? Or couldn't he decide who to curse 4 days prior?

Well the most logical reason (imo) is that his actual target can't be targeted. And we do know one character who was in Hawkins and left during the season. And that's Mike. But this is not the only reason Patricks timing is off.

With Patrick being cursed there is a change in the way the curse works for Max and him in comparison to Fred and Chrissy. I won't go too much in to the details but here are some observations.

Chrissy and Fred both have 3 visions that are heavily paralleling each other.

Their 1. vision is related to the people around them. Chrissy thinks that Max is still in the room when the pounding on the bathroom stall starts. Then she hears her mothers voice and Vecna's feed come into vision. Her mothers voice get distorted soon after and Vecna's voice fades in.

Freds first vision is also directly connected to a conversations he is having with Officer Daniels. Daniels also fades in to Vecna. His face and his voice.

The second vision is the grandfather clock. But a very creepy version.

With Chrissy it's spiders with Fred it's people turning into Vecna calling him murderer.

The third vision is there death and relieving their nightmare.

Both die on the end of their 5th day of being cursed. Their visions start during the day and the day ends with their death.

In contrast to this Max curse is put off this timing. Max visions start on the end of her 5th day of being cursed and she has 3 visions with different themes than Fred and Chrissy.

Max's 1. vision is the grandfather clock. But it's only the creepy grandfather clock. No spiders and no link to Max's trauma.

Her 2nd vision is like Fred’s and Chrissy’s 1st vision a person who fades into Vecna.

her 3rd vision is supposed to be her death which she can escape from.

She has a 4th vision where she actually dies.

Patrick only has one vision we see and one that is implied but we don’t see at all. His first vision is the clock during Chrissy’s funeral.

the other would have been when he dies but we don’t see the vision.

Timing wise this implicates the scenario that Patricks’s cursing throws the timeline off schedule because we see a clear pattern before he was cursed which is thrown off the second Vecna targets him. So likely the original schedule would have targeted Max on the 23rd and the 4th victim on the 24th.

Lack of imagery and missing build up

His trauma, connection to other characters and the connection we build to him is also off. While most of it is due to the lack of imagery regarding him but also to the fact that we have a build up in this topics that Patrick is reversing.

I don’t really want to order the trauma of Vecna’s victims in terms of severity because I firmly believe that any trauma should be addressed and recognised and you shouldn’t compare trauma (unless you’re a therapist) because this kind of invalidates the people with “less severe” trauma. But when we talk about Patrick’s trauma we only have two clues about what it is because we don’t see visions that are related to his trauma. The first one is when he gets cursed (here). A man, likely his father, calls him a disgrace. Lucas also tells us that Patrick came to practice with a black eye once.

This implicates that Patrick is also a victim of domestic abuse (like Chrissy) What I find interesting is that this creates a circle of trauma themes.

(I want to emphasize that between Fred and Max there is a build up because Fred has survivors guilt and Max has survivors guilt but also wanted the person that died to die before he died. This is obviously meant for us to notice because it’s an addition to the same theme)

Ignoring the potential build up in the trauma and going into Patrick’s relationships we see that he doesn’t make sense as 4th victim narratively speaking. We have a clear build up in the victims relationships with other characters:

Chrissy has no known relationship to our main characters

Fred is Nancy’s colleague and apprentice (Fred asking Nancy how she did this with Jonathan). They are close enough (Nancy trusts him enough) to take him to the Trailer Park.

Max is a main character of the show. She has many close relationships to other main characters

And then Patrick comes around and he is just Lucas’ team mate who he can’t even trust because they are hunting for his friends.

The connections to other characters get closer and closer until Max only to go rapidly down with Patrick. Narratively this doesn’t make sense because Patrick is supposed to be the 4th victim. He should have close ties to our favorite characters and they should care deeply about him because of the needed rise in tension. They get around it with Max escaping the death vision and being the actual 4th victim but for the original plan this would have been very weird.

This also ties to the connection we as an audience have to the victims.

Chrissy is a new character. We only see her in one episode and we barely know anything about her. Most of what we know is that she is a cheerleader and she has trauma. Although many people sympathize with her we can’t really get connected to her.

Fred is basically the same. But we get more information about him. We know he is a journalist. We also know that he does know about Jonathan and Nancy and their struggles in their relationship (which he kind of wants to take a chance in because he flirts with Nancy). We have two episodes with him.

We have known Max since season 2. We had a lot of time to get to know her and create a bond with her.

And yet again Patrick doesn’t make sense. Why do we get a new character which we don’t like because he is part of the antagonists, after a (beloved) main character? There was a subtle build up and then we flunk down in the negatives with our perspective on the character.

I wanna add that in an recent reblog of a post i discussed Mike's parallels to the other victims. You can find the post here.

But how does Mike fit in?

Most people on here are well aware of all the hints that connect Mike with Vecna. Therefore many people believe he is a target in S5. I believe so too. I still don’t think that so much has changed during S4 that made him more targetable than he already was. Yes his trauma increased through the shootout, the death of unknown hero agent man, lying to El and losing Eddie and Max, but his trauma was there before. And it was severe enough to make him struggle. It’s pointed out in the canon extending book “Lucas on the line” and it is also shown in his behavior in S4 (getting up too late, used clothes, dirty room/basement, he doesn’t eat on camera, and more). So Mike would be a perfect target for Vecna only considering his trauma. But there is way more stuff that make Mike a perfect last puzzle piece in this situation. First of all he is one of the few characters that are in Hawkins when the curses begin and have more/deeper connections than Max. Yes Max has a lot of deep connections (the Party and El specifically) but Mike has those connections too and he has deeper connections to the teens (Nancy and Jonathan especially), Will, Joyce and Hopper. So in a certain way he is more connected to the rest of the cast and would be perfect to be the final step of the build up we see with character relationships. He has also been part of the show since S1 and was one of THE main characters in S1 and S2. He has a very important role in figuring out important plot points and so for us he is obviously a very important character. And so while I don’t play favorites he is slightly more important for the audience (subjectively speaking). Timing wise (as I said before) he is the only character we know to travel out of Hawkins during the cursing. Him being cursed on March 20th (thursday) wouldn’t compromise the given timeline. It would also explain this scene where Mike clearly looks like he has a awful headache.

And this scene where Max has a nosebleed and the camera’s focus shifts to him

(some people believe that’s the moment he cursed Max. I doubt that. When Max explains the symptoms she said nosebleedS, plural [Insert Eddie’s comment on Nancy’s guns here].I believe that’s thursday morning and Mike was just cursed and had a nosebleed like Patrick and he looked like he looked because he found it suspicious that he had a nosebleed and now Max has a nosebleed.) Clearly two times where he was visibly shown in the context of the curses symptoms. Also his bedroom scene, when he reads Els' letter could connect to the symptoms (this is more of a reach than the other two).

Sleeping in underwear => He woke up an a cold sweat

The binder with Will’s drawings is in his room => having nightmares and needing comfort

(re-)reading the letter => having nightmares and needing reassurance that everything is okay

he is later than he usually is => trouble sleeping

Also I think @aemiron-main pointed that out: Mikes Reaction to Karen telling him that he need to be home by nine because it's an early flight suggests that he barely sleeps because he seems to not care of the early flight.

And last but not least the line Vecna uses for Max (You’ll be the chosen one, the fourth the final sacrifice) fits way better to Mike. Why? Well the main reason I only got on the Mike getting vecnaed’ train was while I was rewatching the show I saw this scene where El screams for Mike while she has a vision:

This scene reminded me of this scene where Will does the same:

And it made me think about how Vecna knows that both of his former targets heavily depend on Mike. He is the first they think about when needing help. He’s the first they find comfort in when upset. So Mike is obviously on Vecna’s radar. There is more…. These two scenes where Max and Mike help El and try to protect her and Billy sees it.

They stand out because it would make so much sense for Mike to be targeted too. Max does become a target because of her trauma but also because of her connection to El. So Mike would be a perfect target too. Him being the final sacrifice would be the peak of devastation for both Will and El and would make perfect sense for Vecna to do so. Also it would contrast Mike’s arc because he is usually the one interfering with Vecna’s plans in overtaking the real world. Mike being the last kill to open the gates to the UD would be very “poetic” from Vecna’s POV. Furthermore the line “You would be the chosen one” would be far more fitting for Mike. Mike is a fan of fantasy stories. The Chosen One Trope is a typical fantasy trope that has been used for ages. Mike can relate far more to this trope than Max (Max is a comic fan where this trope is used too, but Mike is pictured way more with classic fantasy where this trope is used very often).

But why did Vecna wait for Mike to go on vacation?

This is the only thing that really makes me struggle. Because I don’t have a good answer to this. The only possible explanation I see (without doubting the rest of this theory) is that Vecna didn’t look for his plans, his supposedly happy memories/thoughts and only took in the bad ones. Max tells us that she thinks Vecna only looks for the bad memories.

So if Max is right then Vecna didn’t look for the light in Mike’s mind and only for the darkness. (Therefore didn't see his hope of reconnecting to Will in Califronia) I also want to point out that Mike is not the only target Vecna needed. He needed four victims. So this is not solely about him. And you need to know that Vecna feeds off his victims fears, anxiety and guilt. So it makes sense for him to unleash his curse when all his victims are especially tense/anxious

Chrissy’s mother forced a beauty idea on her daughter that resulted in her being connected to bulimic tropes (Throwing up, rotten food). She is also a cheerleader in the 80s and she “needed to be pretty” because the championship games were coming up. So Chrissy would be more anxious than usually

Fred is less obvious than Chrissy. The only clues I got why he would be more anxious than usual are that Officer Daniels (Vecna Vision) tells us that the accident happened last year and he knows about Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship problems. The first could mean that the car crash happened somewhere in 1985 or it could actually mean that the anniversary is coming up which (knowing from S2) would affect Fred through the anniversary effect. The latter could make him anxious because he might see a chance with his crush (we see him multiple times openly flirting with Nancy)

Max would be more anxious because Billy’s birthday is coming up (March 29 - also anniversary effect)

Mike would be more anxious because he is traveling to California and he doesn’t know how Will feels about him and maybe he is a little jealous because of El’s letter and Will painting something for a girl

Additionaly the week before spring break could be full of tests which could make all victims more anxious.

Another good question regards the timing. Vecna did look for a replacement for Mike on March 23rd but Mike left early on March 22nd. So why did he wait an additional day for Mike? This is obviously a question I asked myself a lot. Why did Vecna wait for Mike to be gone for a whole day before looking for a replacement (Patrick)? Well this one is very hard to answer. But there is one scene in particular that makes me believe that Vecna starts his rampage usually early in the morning. You can take a look here in this post. I included the scenes right before and right after the scene on purpose because it gives us a better perspective on the timeline. So right before Vecna gets hooked up to the vines, El went to her bedroom crying. We know that this happened on the night of March 22nd. Then it cuts to the UD where Vecna gets hooked up but nothing happens afterwards. Instead we see how the sun rises/travels in the sky. Then it cuts to Lucas and the beginning of the hunt for Eddie. So what is the purpose of this whole scene? Vecna wanted to start the final stage of his curse (visions) for Max early on the 23rd. This is probably what he was doing with Chrissy and Fred the days before. He recognized that he couldn’t find Mike anywhere and then started to search for a replacement until he found Patrick. Very important for this theory, Vecna finds Patrick way later. There are almost 20 Minutes between this scene and the scene where Patrick gets cursed. Even more important: We see every group on screen before we get back to Vecna. There is literally a cut to every small group. First Lucas and the Jocks, then Max, Dustin, Robin and Steve with Eddie, then Nancy, the Cali Gang, Joyce and Murray, Hopper back to the Hawkins gang at the Trailer Park. I think Vecna didn’t recognize Mike’s absence because he was solely focused on Fred on the 22nd and started with Fred visions early in the morning before Mike got to the airport. So when he wanted to get started with Max the next day he realized that he couldn’t reach Mike anymore and decided to go for a replacement. That’s when the timings of the victims don’t add up anymore.

Besides everything I showed you here there is another theory that is connected to this. #possessiongate from @dinitride-art

This shows how my theory is supported visually in the show. It also explains why Mike isn't shown as cursed after the breakfast on the 23rd because his curse was shifted to Patrick.

#byler #mike wheeler #victimgate #mike gets vecna’d #mike getting vecna’d #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things analysis #st analysis #st theory #stranger things theory #mike wheeler analysis #vecna's curse

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featherstorm2004 · 5 months

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The Shigaraki's so similar yet so different

I have returned! with more meta's about our favourite most dysfunctional family next to the Todoroki's. What I want to discuss today is the parallels shared between the three Shigaraki's of the series and their differences.

First, I will start with Tomura since we have the most content to work with when it comes to him, and to start of it's become increasingly clear over the course of the series that he shares a ridiculously strong resemblance to Yoichi. And that resemblance isn't just skin deep as he also shares quite a few personality and thematic similarities as well.

They both have a strong will, care deeply about their companion and loved ones but most importantly they both have strived to be hero's since childhood despite they're families strong disapproval. There's also the fact that they both were locked away from the world by All For One with Yoichi being hidden in the vault and Tomura in the bar, and it's these ties to All For One where we see their strongest amounts of parallels.

Because it's their rebellion of All For One's will which truly show's who they are on a fundamental level, and without their rebellion we wouldn't have a story to begin with. Although they are rebelling for different reason's with Yoichi wanting to stop his brother from hurting innocents and Tomura simply refuses to be controlled by someone else, but at the end of the day they both refuse to be pawns in All For One's plans and are both ultimately his downfall as with their rebellions it has allowed One For All to strengthen into a power that can destroy All For One and Tomura has greatly weakened his strength by attacking him from the inside.

However, it's not just Yoichi who Tomura shares narrative similarities with as All For One is also extremely similar to him. As whilst Yoichi shares all for Tomura's strengths All For One shares all of his flaws.

For starters their both childish due to their past traumas, although I will admit Tomura mostly grew out of this by the liberation arc. They both accidentally killed their families with their quirks and they both are obsessed with fiction with All For One being fixated on comic books and Tomura with his video games. Not to mention they are both bitter about being abandoned on the streets by the people who were supposed to protect them.

That being said unlike All For One Tomura has mostly grown out most of these traits to a certain extent and I think that's for two very specific reasons. 1) Unlike All For One Tomura had a mostly stable environment as a child before his quirk emerged, yes Kotaro was abusive but he had his sister and his mother and grandparents not to mention he had a social life outside of his family with school and friends, it was far from perfect but he did have a form of stability.

It's clear that these factors left a strong impact on them as they are the first things he mentions when Miro mocks him.

It's also clear that because of these childhood experiences he was capable of forming such a close bond with the league with most of the members (excluding Dabi) being willing to die for each other.

Which brings me to my second point, 2) Tomura was forced to develop because of the league, unlike All For One who could steamroll people with the power of his quirk Tomura wasn't that powerful at the start so he was forced to change to earn the leagues trust. That meant he had to understand them, care about their wants and prioritise them when it comes to making big decisions because before his power up he was nothing without them.

All these factors contrast with All For One, who due to being an orphan who grew up in the apocalypse (again can't stretch that enough) who was also discriminated against for having a quirk, he had no form of stability to survive on. There's also the fact that due to his quirk being so powerful he had no reason to rely on others who had already been proven to be untrustworthy to him for abandoning him during his childhood. Remember, the key reason All For One gained minions was to be adored and relied upon, hell he even states his main reason for killing the glowing baby was due to his jealousy.

His desires for followers was a want and not a necessity like Tomura's.

That said I do believe at their core's All For One and Tomura secretly desired the same thing in a sense. Which was to be saved, it's been stated multiple times by the narrative that Tomura wants to be saved by a hero even Deku acknowledges this, it's the main reason he won't leave Tomura alone.

But All For One it's a bit more difficult as I believe subconsciously to him gaining a family and a community is a form of being saved, after all to an orphan who was born on the streets with only his weaker twin and no one willing to help, a family would probably be seen as salvation. There's also the fact that it's displayed multiple times in the manga that All For One is obsessed with the idea of family, with him calling his minions his dear friends, forcing Aoyama and his family to call him uncle and the whole Tomura and Yoichi situation.

And this obsession can be mirrored in Tomura's obsession with hero's and hero society.

But you might be asking "well yeah but Yoichi grew up in the same circumstances as All For One, why didn't he turn out the same way?" And first, different people react to situations in different ways. But also I think ironically All For One is the reason Yoichi turned out so well because he was there to protect him, he was the one who defended Yoichi from attackers, he was the one who found them food, he was the one who clothed them. He quite literally was the only reason Yoichi didn't die the moment he was born.

And it's clear on some level Yoichi knows this since despite knowing that All For One needs to be destroyed he still has conflicted feelings about his brother, I honestly believe before All For One went too far he was Yoichi's hero the person who saved him. Which is incredibly sad knowing how things turned out in the end

It's honestly quite fascinating how Tomura truly is the perfect blend between the true brothers despite having no blood relation, he really is the combination of both of their legacies and I think in the end due to him and Izuku All For One and One For All can finally work together as they were always meant to.

But that's just my opinion.

Here's a link to my other meta's for more context: All For One and Shigaraki, the unreliable narraters, All For One and the power of context.

#shigaraki yoichi #shigaraki tomura #mha shigaraki #bnha shigaraki #all for one #afo #bnha afo #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #bnha fanart #boku no hero #my hero academia #mha

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teaandcrowns · 10 months

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As someone who's culture is a victim of genocide, and who's parent was also murdered, I understand Katara fully. But growing up around people who are victims of genocide and having that influence my entire life gives me a reason to not only relate heavily to katara, but to aang. You cannot claim to understand one of them, and refuse to understand the other, who has expressed their trauma related to genocide differently. Murder in relation to genocide is so different to regular murder- my father was killed because of a racist crime. Being native, I have grown up my entire life with people around me being warned of people who murder and kidnap our people, I've seen people be victims of it, so I have the utmost sympathy for these things, but I also sympathise with aang. He had no right to tell Katara that, but you also have to consider that revenge is something impossible for him. He does not have the option to confront the people who killed his loved ones like Katara, or even we did. It's all about perspective

Firstly, let me say that, no, I cannot fully understand what it's like to have those lived experiences that you do, you are absolutely correct. My ancestors faced that in Eastern Europe, to be sure, but I personally never have. I am enraged and grieved that we live in a world where we've come so far with so much and yet people still suffer this not as echoes of the past, but as their lived present. I hope more and more people can continue listen better and better to voices like yours about those experiences and work together toward a world where future generations don't have to worry about those things anymore, and we can focus on reparations and healing and moving forward to better and more compassionate places as a society. (I also hope that does not come across as trite or placating; I genuinely mean it.)

In the realm of AtLA—Aang's perspective and personal morals from his culture are absolutely valid—but so are Katara's. I do understand Aang's perspective, despite having personal experience much more in common with Katara. The issue I have is not that Aang believes what he believes, it's that he tries to tell Katara she should also believe what he believes because he believes it. The issue I have with fans saying "Aang was right," "Zuko pushed Katara to violence," or "Katara listened to Aang in the end," is that they are all really saying the same thing, which is something both @burst-of-iridescent and @sokkastyles said in iterations of the ask(s) that the former got earlier today/yesterday: in those arguments, Katara isn't allowed to make her own decision on the matter. It's not a denial of Aang's perspective so much as it is a denial of Katara's perspective and assumed agency to choose what is best for her own needs. Ultimately, Aang did not influence her and Zuko did not influence her. She chose for herself what she needed. The difference between how Aang handled her desire to confront Yon Rha and how Zuko handled it is that the former wanted Katara to adopt his own personal morals and decision to forgive, and the latter voiced no opinion, but simply gave her the means and opportunity to confront (or not) however she chose. The only thing Zuko says about Katara's choice to confront Yon Rha is that "this is something [she] needs."

That was the point of adding on my own experience in dealing with the murder of my mother. I don't think anyone with an iota of empathy would fathom telling me how I should feel or what I should do with regards to her murderer (and I hope that is the case for you, though as an oppressed demographic, I fear that is frequently not the case). That kind of understanding isn't extended, albeit in fiction of course, to Katara.

#anon ask #ask #atla meta #atla analysis #the southern raiders

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unlikelyjapan · 10 months

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s2e6 rewatch notes - part 1

I'm breaking this up over two days (for length, clarity, and my own mental health) - I pause and scribble my way through scenes as I go, so there may be a few repeats here and there.

Natalie's bereft face in the opening, attempting to disassociate but failing miserably because that's not her coping style. She obviously doesn't even smoke by the way she's holding the cigarette, she just does it because - much like working inside a commercial kitchen - it's the only legitimate excuse for a break from the chaos. Both she and Mikey act like they've just exited the fog of war (because they have) and - unlike Carmy - they've never had the emotional or material means to escape it.

Sugar's "No one can make anyone else act a certain way" comment to Mikey - it's very clear that they perceive mental illness from very different angles. Mikey admonishes Natalie for her check-ins as an attempt to blunt/control Donna's outbursts, and Sugar's skepticism of Mikey's strategy of just riding the lightning/ignoring the outburst (while acknowledging that he and Carmy have more success, but she attributes most of that to being the female middle child of a grievously ill female narcissist).

Carmy coming out = a hot mess of family dynamics. He asks Mikey (innocently enough) to come in and handle the crowd by being "fun cool guy" and Mikey assures him that he will, but with a vacant look in his eye (no wonder this man was on drugs, what other choices was he afforded?). Fak is literally yelling indistinctly inside, upping the chaos, as Richie bursts outdoors amidst the three siblings to ask if "there's any family shit going on that he should know about".

Along with just trying to be ok themselves, these three adult Berzattos are a magnet for every other wayward adult-child who needs a home to reckon with their own trauma, and their inclusion becomes their problem as well and only ups the frequency of the despair. Mikey literally makes space for the three of them by dismissing Richie "for a minute", and you can tell that's not normal protocol.

"Would it kill you to pick up the phone?" - Carmy is already wounded by Mikey more than 4 years before his death. You can immediately tell by Mikey's earnest response (along with his previous discussion with Sugar) that he was just keeping Carmy at arms length to ensure he never returned, to spare just one of them from a life of hardship. In spite of everything else we see about Mikey and how poorly he manages his trauma in this episode, he is an inherently good brother who started early in inciting loathing in the person he loves above all others just to save him.

I wanted to peek behind the "Our Mother of Victory, Pray for Us" bit, as you know damn well it wasn't selected by Storer by accident. The whole idea is that Mary, the Mother of Victory "pleads our cause with a mother’s heart and concern with whatever we bring her. Confident that Our Lady’s prayers are always heard we pray"

I may be reading too much into this, but that's a whole fuckton of power projected onto Donna. Even though it's said in jest, its maternal compassion and mercy that was never extended to the Berzatto kids. It could also be seen as "only Donna's prayers are heard and answered" (through the placating and emotional gymnastics performed by her children) so they utter this little prayer to her as much as they do to God - for control, for relative calm, for the day to simply be ok. They know better than to expect much more than that.

What is the actual point of Fak and Ted? I mean this narratively. I know that the Ricky actor who plays Ted originally worked on the set of The Bear in S1. Did the producers think they had an awesome "boys club" vibe and just plop them in as chauvinistic comic relief? Or is this part of a long-con? Do Fak and Teddy embezzle all of The Bear's money and retreat to Hawaii or something? Right now it's giving "Matty Matheson needs to sell more cookware" and I need a reason for this set-up, as the rest of the players offer more than enough relevant chaos to the episode.

Also, when they ask "Mrs. B, are our skateboards in here? Can we sleep over?" as Donna is cycling in the kitchen - Matty Matheson is in his 40's, so he time-traveled back to a rough-looking 35 to freeload off of his fake-besties Mom and aid in her spiral? I don't get the age timelines/ideas on what arrested development in this show are anymore....

"Say the fucking words" - ooof. I feel like a lot of ink has already been spilled on what the word "love" means in the Berzatto realm, but no wonder Carmy can't comprehend it even when it's right in front of him. Love to him is sacrifice and struggle, panic attacks, pacifying meltdowns, idealization and inevitable betrayal (hello other shoe!), and just saying the word because it diffuses an argument - not unlike rubbing one's chest.

So....what's the likelihood that the abusive chef at EMP is just a projection of Donna living rent-free in Carmy's head at this point? The way she lobs the ball at Carmy with all of the elements that need to be swapped when the timer goes off, the practical matters of running a high-pressure kitchen trailed with jests and insults and total emasculation. Yeah...I think it's pretty high up there.

The second Richie and Carmy trade off the homemade Sprite (before Carmy can grab the prosciutto and mortadella that his mom asked for 2 seconds ago) is just enough silence for Donna to feel abandoned and start unravelling again/start screaming about moving the pot. I can't quite place my finger on the weird amalgam of mental illnesses they gave this woman (hit me up, psych majors) but if its not over-scripted/acted, its a lot.....

Richie and Mikeys "Just take a break from being a mopey little fuck" - phew, these dudes really think that a high-school chick will be Carmy's salvation.

"I don't have a love of my life?" Carmy doesn't even flinch or show recognition of who they're talking about at first, and then it dawns on him that they've probably embarrassed him and he wants to crawl in a hole and die (which is the most honest feeling expressed this episode to date).

And wow. Donna intercepts the whole thing by throwing a spoon at Stevie and screaming "Richard, bring her the fucking pop!" - a.k.a the title of the previous episode with the house party. Those words ended the gang's harassment re: Claire, but then future Carmy willingly waded right back into the abyss of thoughtless conversations, bullying, projections, others' expectations, and the terrible Christmas.

Ok, that's it for now - I'll be back on my bullshit tomorrow.

#the bear fx #the bear season 2 #the bear spoilers #the bear #carmen berzatto #carmy x sydney #carmy berzatto #mikey berzatto #sugar berzatto #the bear fishes #syd x carmy

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bre1995 · 3 months

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Hi everybody! ☺️

I am still new to the Fellow Travelers fandom and also talking about it with people, but here are just a few reasons I think I hold this show so dear to my heart. Taking out the love story for a minor I think I love this show be where you actually learn a lot about our history because if it. There are some things that I learned in school that are talked about in this show, but not all of it. So I really did like that aspect of it. And I know a lot of the cast did too.

Now to the love story. I really do love Hawk and Tim. I know their relationship wasn’t the best, but it also wasn’t easy. Especially for the era they live in. I know a lot of people like to try and say that Hawk didn’t love Tim and granted I know he never said the words his actions spoke a lot louder than words. There were plenty of times he showed Tim just how much he loved him. Some would also say their relationship was toxic, but again you have to think of the era they lived in. Especially if you worked in government. Also, I know that Hawk broke Skippy’s heart on a few different occasions, but especially when he told him he was planning on marrying Lucy. Now keep in mind that was never his plan, but obviously everything that was going on in the world and at work spooked him. Hawk also had a lot of trauma. Both from the army and from his dad. I think Hawk’s mom always knew about him (they say mothers usually do) and I only say that because when Hawk tells his mom that he’s met someone she says “that’s good” and doesn’t follow it with “who is she?” . I know that Hawk did some pretty not so nice things to Tim, but Tim was always going to forgive Hawk and come to his rescue 🩷. As he says in his speech in the last episode “you were my great consuming love…. I have no regrets.”

The final scene with Hawk and Kimberly always breaks me because Hawk finally admits to someone he loves that Tim was never just a friend. He was the man he was in love with all of those years. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Talking with people about this show too I’ve said that I honestly couldn’t imagine living in this era and that’s for both men and women. If men weren’t married then it looked suspicious and people questioned them all the time. Women also felt like they had to marry because society made them feel like this was the norm.

I honestly think outside of Hawkins being scared and guarded. If he would have decided to admit it to himself and Lucy those two would have divorced years ago. Or they may not have because again the era they were in, but also kids were involved.

Though Lucy frustrated me at times I in no means hate her (I just wanted to clarify that so people don’t come after me).

I’m still getting used to Tumblr and I have more to say, but trying to type it out in a post like this makes me forget things :p, but if you want to discuss more with me I am more than willing 🩷. I do just ask that you be kind. I know that we all aren’t going to have the same thoughts or opinions on this show or even on my comments and that is ok! ☺️

#fellow travelers #hawk and skippy #hawkins fuller #tim laughlin #skippy x hawk #hawk x skippy

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amuseoffyre · 1 year

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Shame as a weapon

I got to thinking the other night about the way that shame is weaponised through OFMD. It comes from all directions, from characters who believe they are doing it for the right reasons like Ed’s mother and Jim’s Nana to the people who use it like a blade to control or maintain the status quo as they perceive it should be like pretty much every male antagonist.

The definition of shame is “a painful emotion caused by the belief that one is, or is perceived by others to be, inferior or unworthy of affection or respect because of one's actions, thoughts, circumstances, or experiences”.

From the word go, it becomes evident that shame and being shamed plays a large part in the story.

Our first culprit chronologically is Nigel Badminton: you were so soft and weak. He belittles Stede’s behaviour, his mannerisms, his interests. It’s very telling that after his death, Stede’s own self-doubt and fears about himself manifest in the shape of the man who had belittled and diminished him since childhood.

Then we have dear old Dad Bonnet, not gleefully malicious like Nigel but far colder and crueller. As far as I can recall, there was not a single positive exchange between father and son. Once again, Stede was shamed for failing to meet the expectation and demands that society placed on him.

There are so many other moments: Ed’s mother (“we just aren’t those kind of people”), the people on the party ship with both Stede and Ed at various points, Nana (“you only killed one of them?”) Calico Jack ("I didn’t know I had an audience with the fuckin’ pope”), Stede ("surely she should give up the dishonest title”)

The one I find most interesting, though, is Izzy Hands. He attempts to take control of a situation with Lucius in episode 5. The “oooh daddy” scene was meant to mock and humiliate Lucius, but the trouble is that he’s trying to belittle someone who sees nothing embarrassing about who he is.

He tries to shame Lucius again later in the episode, leaning in close and threatening “to spill all your beans” and implying Lucius’s promiscuity is worthy of shame. The glorious moment when Lucius kicks the proverbial legs out from under him by being completely unashamed and then turns it back on Izzy by bringing up his own embarrassing incident? Masterful. Showing simply and easily that “I see your little game. I see the weapons you’re trying to marshall against me. And babe, I can use them too and I can do it better”.

The contrast between this interaction and the “whatever this is that you’ve become” scene with Ed is so compelling. Ed’s vulnerability has been building and building. Between his layers of trauma from his childhood, his social class issues and how he tried to break cleanly from his old life to the way Stede abandoned him, he’s floundering, trying to work out who he is and who he wants to be. Izzy throws an emotional tripwire across his path.

Lucius armed himself to strike back at Izzy, gathering information and turning Izzy’s own tricks against him. Ed isn’t in any state to do that. Izzy’s just randomly slapping emotional buttons, aiming to get a response, and as he did with Lucius in the “oooh daddy” scene, it’s a very homophobic approach: while he was mocking Lucius’s flamboyance, here he’s scoffing at Ed’s softness and lack of masculinity and aggression by focusing on his clothing and ‘pining’.

It’s very telling that the thing that really shatters Ed’s fraying composure isn’t the mockery. It’s the mention of “your boyfriend”. Izzy doesn’t care about that part. He just sees the shaming has worked because “there he is”. There’s the violent angry man he follows.

We know Izzy has done tirades like this before. He’s done them to Ed’s face before and Ed just gave him a bemused look. But this time is different because all the chinks are open in Ed’s armour and for once, Izzy’s shaming slips in, cutting where it normally would just slide off, slicing across all the many layers or grief and trauma and misery. It’s a hard thing to lay yourself bare and now, here is the man who is meant to be your loyal friend threatening you after salting all your wounds.

Ed is already reeling from being abandoned by someone who he loved and who he believed might love him. Now it’s coming at him from another angle, from someone else he considered a loyal ally, who is reminding him of that first abandonment while also adding their own violent intent on top. Once again, he’s been shown and told he’s not enough as he is.

And when the moment is followed by the crew asking Ed for another song, even if people joke and laugh with him, how long before they joke and laugh at him? It’s happened before, after all. “Nobody laughs at me”, he said. Better to maintain the mask and the status quo where no one can see what’s underneath.

#ofmd #ofmd meta #ofmd thinkie thoughts #our flag means death

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lokisprettygirl · 1 year

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Lose me to Love you (Loki x Female Reader) (AU) (18+)

Read Chapter 28 here / Series Masterlist

Chapter 29

Summary: Jane has an offer for you both. Loki tries to find the truth about your mother.

Trigger Warning: 18+, Smutty smut, bathroom sex, degradation, unprotected sex, Description of rape and assault, panic attack, violence against women, Extreme dark themes, Sexual abuse, physical abuse, public sex, Rough violent sex, 18+, Steamy stuff, age difference ,Rough language, mention of suicide, talk of virginity and slut shaming, manipulative behaviour, mention of trauma, smut, toxic relationship between main characters. Dark themes, cult stuff

There was nothing but silence at the table, you and Loki were staring at each other, Jane was glaring at Thor and Thor was looking everywhere but any of you people.

"Sooooo what are you doing with these guys?" Jane finally broke the silence and Thor pretended to not hear it so she kicked him with her leg under the table,

"Bodyguard, ummm I'm the baaddyguard" he stuttered on his words and it made you bite on your cheek, you looked at Loki and he had the typical quizzical look on his face that you often saw whenever he was confused, the furrowed brows made you want to kiss him as soon as possible.

"Can we discuss what we came here for?" Loki asked her so sighed before she turned towards you.

"Look y/n first of all I wanted to apologize I had no intention of using you for my film"

"That's a lie" Loki intervened so she glared at him.

"If I really did want to use her past i never would have shared my intentions with you two" she answered him

"Let me make one thing clear here Miss Foster, She is not going to be your publicity goat so unless we aren't here to discuss that I don't see the point of this meeting " Loki told her in clear words and she smiled.

"Well don't worry about that. I am not here to talk about the film, I have another offer"

You looked at her confused but more than that you were intrigued.

"What kind of offer?" You asked her

"I want to make a documentary, about your life, your story from your side–" she cut herself off and looked at Loki and you couldn't tell if he was pissed off yet about this idea or not.

"I read about the case and you're Loki. I know that now, this offer is not just for her but you too. I know you two have suffered a lot but I just think your story needs to get out there, maybe it will help people, maybe it will change their perception about you two–"

"Or it will make everything worse, I don't want the whole world to get into our business, what's done is done, I don't want to make a bloody circus of our lives for all to see" he answered her so she sighed again.

"What about you? Do you agree with him?" She asked you so you nodded because you didn't want to upset him but you did feel conflicted. You weren't just thinking about the documentary or the fame that would come with it, sure it would make both of your lives easier, you'd probably get more exposure and hence more work but that wasn't the only reason you wanted to do this, you also wanted the world to know what he had done for you, you wanted them to know what an angel he was.

"Just give it a thought and then decide, i have all the time in the world for this" she huffed as she munched on her salad, the glaring contest had resumed between her and Thor.

"Ummmm how do you two know each other if you don't mind me asking?" You asked as you sipped on your drink and Loki seemed curious too.

"We met in Vegas once, didn't we?" She glared at him so Thor gave her a nervous laugh. The mention of Vegas clicked in Loki's head so he looked at Jane and then he looked at Thor, Thor was quick to gesture to him to shut his mouth. You were still out of the loop so you excused yourself to go to the loo and Loki followed you right after, there was no way he was leaving you all alone with three psychopaths on loose. He caught up to you and grabbed your arm to turn you towards him, you seemed upset.

"What is it now hmm?" You didn't answer him but dragged him into the bathroom with you, thankfully no body was in there so you locked it, you got your arm out of his grasp and crossed them together before you glared at him.

"What do you know about Thor and Jane?" You asked him like a scorned child and it made him smile, he always found your bratiness adorable even though he never admitted it.

"Go empty your bladder and I'll tell you"

"I don't actually have to do that, it was just an excuse" he turned to look at the mirror and fixed his hair, ignoring all your tantrums. Why did he have to look so sexy all the time that you couldn't even be mad at him? "Come here" he raised his brow so you walked towards him, he quickly picked you up and walked a few steps forward to make you sit on the sink in front of the mirror.

"You're such a brat" he kissed you softly as he finished his sentence and your arms wrapped around him immediately, it's been hours since you had fucked him last. Hourssss.

"Are you going to tell me?" You mumbled in between the kiss so he shook his head, he had that stupid smile on his face you were familiar with. It used to make you want to pull your hair out but fuck him at the same time. Well now you can do both.

"Okay fine..it's okay" you looked down and pretended to be sad so he tilted his head, he knew what you were doing but it still affected him, he couldn't take the Sad voice and the mopey look on your face, it was easier to resist when you didn't belong to him.

"A fucking brat" he kissed you passionately and grabbed your thighs to wrap them around his waist, you moaned into his mouth and that immediately made him hard. He has never wanted to fuck anyone so desperately in his life before, it was always about using them as an distraction from his fucked up life. But you weren't a distraction, you were his need.

"Telllll me dadddyy pretty please?" You whispered in his ear and he snickered.

"What will I get in return?"

"Anythinggg" he smiled as you said that, you worked on his zipper and he lowered down your underwear to take them off completely, he shoved them inside his back pocket, none of you cared where you two were at the moment.

"I think they used to be hitched for a while" you gasped as he said that, mainly because you felt his cock inside you at the same time.

"You mean to say.. like ...married?" You could hardly get the words out as his hips thrusted back and forth slowly.

"Yeahhh.. fuckkk thiss cunt is precious baby" he murmured into your mouth and your heart skipped a beat.

"That's weirddd ..so weird" he hummed in response, you felt his lips sucking into your neck and you knew that would leave a mark but you didn't care.

"Was the secret worth this? Worth being fucked like a dirty whore in a bathroom?" He whispered in your ear and your walls clenched around his length. You bit on your lips and kissed him feverishly, he was so good to you, how come you got to have him as your man?

"Definitely, I'd let you do it anyways daddy" he chuckled before he picked up the pace, he didn't want to get caught or be disturbed in the middle of the act. He can always give you the sweet love making at home, this wasn't the time to do that.

"Ofcourse you would darling, so desperate for my cock it's truly pathetic" you whined as his cock angled and hit the sweet nerve that made your toes curl.

"Don't cum until I say so.. you hear me?" He clutched your hair in his grip so you nodded, you looked like a mess and this was becoming his favorite sight in the world. Until now he had graciously allowed you to cum before he filled you up but he wanted you to hold this time and that was more challenging than you thought it would be.

"Daddddyyy…it's.. I'm closer daddy please" you whimpered as he continued to fuck you mercilessly. The sound his cock made as it pumped in and out of you were obscene.

"Just think about how much more I would love you if you'd just do what I want you to do" his thumb rubbed your clit and you had to learn backwards over the marble to gain some support. This felt too much, his words, his cock, the way he smelled so divine, the way he kept his hands on your body, all your senses felt attacked at once.

"I want you to love me daddy.. please love me more" you mumbled so he snickered again, you have missed the snickering and his arrogance.

"Be a good girl then, I'm going to cum…fucking hell ..you are going to walk around with my cum inside you all day long" he whispered between his heavy pantings.

"I don't get to cum?" You looked at him shocked so he affirmed your fear with the shake of his head.

Okay you could do it, you could be his good girl, you'd give him the whole world if he'd ask for it, this was nothing. Right?

But then It was so hard to have his cock throbbing and pulsating inside you, it was difficult to control that feeling from snapping when you felt his cum filling you up but you managed. Barely, but you managed.

He placed his arms on the edge of the sink as he tried to control his breathing, you always worked him harder and faster than anyone else, the dom in him had come out so brazenly but he didn't want to forget who you were to him, you were his precious girl and he couldn't just treat you like the two dollar whore, even though he knew you'd love the filthy treatment.

You grabbed onto the collar of his jacket to pull yourself up, his cock was still inside you so he pulled out and proceeded to clean himself up first. How were you going to go all day like this? You didn't think you could, you didn't want to but he asked you to do it so you were going to be his good girl. You have been Virgin for so long you can do this. The sound of him zipping himself up snapped you out of the thoughts,

"My underwear please?" You asked him so he walked towards you and widened your legs, you felt so exposed as the cold air breezed over your sensitive parts, you were on the edge and you didn't think you'd be able to take more teasing without exploding.

"Fuck you're a good girl aren't you?" He grabbed the back of your neck with one hand while the other one played with your clit. Your eyes rolled back into your head and it made him moan in response

"Dadddyyy i can't.."

"I know love, it's okay, I was just messing with you" he mumbled softly. He'd never leave you hanging like that, he might be evil but he sure knew how to treat his girl in bed.

"Noo noo i can ..I will .I promised to be good daddy"

"Shhhhhh you have been good, so good, it's okay, just take what daddy is giving you yeahh? That's it..that's it..look at you" his middle finger slipped inside while his thumb continued to massage those swollen nubs,

"Lokiiii" you moaned loudly and your fists gripped onto his shoulders. He loved it when you addressed him as daddy, the perv in him fetishized it but the way his name rolled from your lips sounded heavenly too.

"Let go sweetheart, it's okay..i want you to do it for me..I got you yeahhh?" that was the last straw for you, his arm wrapped around your waist because you were convulsing as you rode your high. He kept his eyes on your face and he couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Thank youuuuu" you whispered as you came back to your senses. That's all you were able to say after that mind numbing orgasm.

"Sooo what got you into bodyguarding business?" You heard Jane ask Thor when you both returned from the bathroom. He was so sweet to you after he had made you explode just with his talented fingers, well his kind of sweet, he cleaned you up, helped you with the underwear and he even helped to put concealer on the mark he had given you on the neck, though he spend a good minute enjoying how it looked on you.

Loki told you that they were secretly married for a year and it was shocking, you couldn't imagine a woman like Jane with someone like Thor.

"Well have you seen me properly Miss foster, I got all what it takes to be one" Thor answered her. As you both sat down you finished the awkward lunch. She seemed furious at him and you didn't know why, Loki told you that she wanted the divorce, was this a Jolene type of situation?

"We don't have to pretend he knows" Thor mumbled and you saw her gasping

"Whatever he said is a lie" she retorted

"So you guys didn't get married?" You asked her and she looked at you shocked.

"Lower your voice, nobody knows, why would you tell them, you said you'd never tell anyone "

"I didn't, you can trust them"

"Oh, like I trusted you?" She snapped at him and your eyes widened. She sighed deeply before she grabbed her purse "Just think about the offer y/n, we can make something great here" she said to you before she stood up.

"Janeyyy" Her eyes teared up as Thor called her name, it was probably a nickname, it felt like you were watching an angsty romance live. All you needed was a popcorn. She was going to leave but she had something to say to him.

"I looked for you for so long, you disappeared and I thought you died or something, after the time we spent with each other i thought that …well fuck you really " she left after that, leaving Thor all shocked, for once you actually saw him genuinely upset.

"You did what?" You asked him but he didn't say anything

"You told me she wanted the divorce –" loki asked him

"I wanted it, things were getting….serious"

"Wowwww" you exhaled, thanking the stars because you knew Loki would never leave you like that. But then you also knew how their minds worked, it wasn't easy for any of you, the kind of things these brothers had witnessed has warped their ability to process such emotions, you were helping Loki slowly and you just wished Thor would allow someone to do the same.

When you both reached home he made popcorn so you two could watch a movie on the couch.

"Lolo?"

"Hmmm?"

"We should do the documentary" he looked at you surprised as you said that. The old him would have shut you down and walked out of this conversation but he really didn't want to hurt your opinions like that any longer, you weren't a child and he wanted you to be capable of making your own decisions.

"It's not going to be easy baby, you really think you're ready to talk about our past in front of the world to see?" He asked you softly so you thought about it.

"We survived our past and we are here, people make assumptions about us, about you, this way we can tell them the truth" he smiled as you said that.

"When did you get so smart?" He caressed your scalp with his fingers so you giggled.

"I have always been smart.. even when I was 7 I was smart, I always beat you in scrabbles" you climbed onto his lap so he wrapped his arms around you.

"You couldn't even pronounce scrabbles when you were seven" he chuckled so you smacked on his arm.

"That's not true"

"It is..you always pronounced it as scwabbles"

"I so did not" your face flushed at the memory, you definitely pronounced it as scwabbles.

"Your mother always lost though, didn't she?" He asked you and your smile faded instantly at the mention of her name.

"I …I don't remember" you stuttered and tried to shift the topic like usual but he couldn't take it anymore.

"You do, you just don't want to talk to me about her" your eyes teared up as he said that "What happened sweetheart? What bothers you? You know I'm here to listen right?"

"Shut up Loki" you glared at him and he was taken aback by the sudden change in your mood.

"Y/n you want the world to see your truth? How would you do that if you won't even talk about your mother?" He asked you, he wasn't wrong but he didn't know what you had seen at the center, you didn't want to tell him either, that would hurt him too "Atleast talk to me"

"I said shut up..shut up..shut the fuck up about her" you got off his lap as you screamed at him, then you started to cry.

"Baby–" he tried to grab your hand but you flinched away

"Why won't you shut up? I don't want to talk..please don't talk ..pleasee it hurts" you fell down on your knees so he immediately bent down and picked you up in his arms, this was going the route he was afraid of. He can't risk this. Your mind was fragile when it comes to your mother.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry i won't say anything" he whispered softly as you clutched onto him, he laid you down on the couch and wiped your tears before he went into the kitchen to bring you a glass of water, he turned the tv off to shut down the noises.

He sat down on his knees on the floor, his fingers continued to caress your head as he tried to comfort you and stop you from crying.

"I'm sorry baby.. forgive me?" He mumbled softly as he kissed you and you felt horrible about yelling at him, you didn't want to, it just happened and you felt guilty about it now.

"I'm sorry I yelled" you mumbled between your cries so he shook his head, he picked you up again and took you to the bedroom to cuddle with you, he knew that would help a little.

He caressed your back and held you close as he could feel your body shaking, what was it that made you react this way? Your mother's death was gruesome, James and Clint confessed everything they did to her, but you weren't present in the court to hear about it. Did you read about it later? He couldn't tell. You never talked to him about her.

"Lolo?" You mumbled his name in your half asleep state so he hummed in response. He was contemplating over the truth and he wanted you to tell him why you felt this way about her but when you actually revealed the truth he was shocked to the core. He never could have guessed it. He held you tightly as you started to sob again in his arms. Maybe he wasn't ready to hear such a thing.

"I saw her die, I saw them kill herr that night ..right in front of my eyes..they killed mommy loloo..they killed her and I did nothing.. nothing"

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Taglist: if I am not able to tag you please check your settings

@annoyingsweetsstranger @whylokiissocute @loki-s-wife @fraoid3 @siggytumbles @crzyplantladyvibes @stupidthoughtsinwriting @vickie5446 @wheredafandomat @mcufan72 @xxntiimulti @loz-3 @dishahaldar @mcdesij @scram1326 @elthreetimes @army24--7 @sinsandguilt @holotacopeely @huntress-artemiss @blog-the-lilly @disneyismyworldforever @bunny24sstuff @kats72 @somewiseguy @asgardianprincess1050 @multifandom-world8 @loki-laufeyson-1054 @daddylokisqueen @lulubelle814

@itsybitchylittlewitchy @rogerrhqpsody @praq123

#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader smut #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #dark themes #loki alternate universe #loki au

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yukisohmasmokesweed · 3 months

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hii as someone w selective mutism, and after seeing your post regarding yuki being mute, i’ve had this question that wouldn’t leave my head: were kisa and yuki actually selectively mute or was it due to traumatic mutism or something else? maybe i’m just self-projecting, but despite us being mute for different reasons (it is possible to have SM from trauma, though it is rare), i always saw myself in both of them when it came to their muteness (i’m really sad yuki being mute was only touched on in kisa’s ep and then never brought up again) so their characters mean a lot to me. just thought I’d bring this up and ask since there isn’t any discussion surrounding this and from the posts that i’ve seen on here, people just seem to go w kisa having SM (and by extension yuki) and just say that it’s canon. being the projector that i am, i also assumed it was but still never thought it was “accurate” rep but then again, does it have to be? regardless of how it’s shown in the anime/manga, i think we’re all entitled to our own opinions on this, and that no matter what we think caused their mutism, all opinions r valid! i’m just so curious on what your take on this is since no one mentions anything like this in specific.

hello! funny you send me this ask today because i just rewatched the first ep of the reboot last night for the first time in a looooong time and have been thinking about fb all morning! as far as i understand it, selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that can definitely be triggered by trauma, and that is how i read yuki and kisa. i'm sure you have a deeper understanding of it than me as someone with that experience, but in my research on this (which admittedly was a few years ago) it seems there is a variety of reasons why children are selectively mute, one of them being abusive environments and a predisposition to anxiety disorders. i would absolutely argue that both yuki and kisa have intense social anxiety, even outside of their mutism; and that yuki, aside from diagnosing him with something, is a perfectionist, and perfectionism often stops people from doing things.

i was also really sad yuki's mutism was only touched upon, so i actually wrote a whole fic about it! i think this is an incredibly interesting aspect of yuki's character. yuki in childhood has no autonomy at all: his life is controlled by his mother, then akito, and akito does not listen to him (or anyone). the other zodiacs ignore him, and he becomes tokenized as the rat instead of viewed as an individual. very often, yuki shrinks into himself as a reaction to this. he already has to keep physical and emotional distance from his peers due to the curse, and his oppressive home environment pushes him to even more extremes. i think so much of yuki's mutism is a maladaptive acceptance that he will never be listened to and that what he feels or thinks does not matter, and so he sinks into a depression where one of his copes is silence. even after this episode, he continues to be softspoken and keeps his cards close to his chest—which is why i love his relationship with kakeru so much, because kakeru coaxes him out of his shell. after meeting kakeru, he begins expressing his opinion more candidly and becomes openly emotional in ways that are supported by kakeru's view of him as a human being. yuki spends so much of his life being objectified as either the rat or the prince (both similar roles where he is being held to an extremely high standard that is only an archetype and robs him of individuality and humanity) and he plays the roles that are assigned to him. it is only when he is shown true love and acceptance through tohru that he can begin to learn who he is outside of those perceived roles, and allows him to express himself as yuki in front of kakeru, who never bought into the prince thing to begin with.

i think the other thing about fruits basket is that it is very tropey, and selective mutism in the way it is portrayed in fb is very much a shojo trope moreso than it is a real portrayal of a disorder. i don't think natsuki takaya is "trauma informed" as we would call it now, as it was written 20 years ago inside of a culture that notoriously does not take mental health seriously. i think yuki and kisa's mutism is very much a narrative choice, so i definitely agree with you re: what you're saying about "accurate" rep. anyway thanks for the ask and your serendipitous timing! thinking about that rat boy <3

#takes a huge bong rip #yuki sohma #ask #anonymous #meta???#yuki

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fleeting-sanity · 2 years

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Echoes of Oblivion

[ Previous Entry ] ♦ [ Read @ AO3 ] ♦ [ Chapters Index ]

Hello, this is just me re-writing Echoes to fit my OC's narrative. It's a bit long. Tried trimming what I could. Thank you to @swtorramblings & @scribblesonthewall for helping!

The preparation was prompt but swift. Lana stayed behind to continue running the base, wishing the Force's omnipotence upon the twin. However, they were met with Theron and Senya; the latter was having a tense discussion with her son.

"Yes, but there might be a chance something can go wrong. I'm doing this so you can continue being the father you want to be to your daughters."

"But you-"

"They will decide."

Senya presented her case to the twins, stating that she felt responsible for her part in Valkorion's schemes. It wasn't the strongest of reasoning, but surprisingly Rionnic granted her request. His attention was then diverted by his wife calling out to him, excusing himself. As Riornivo's gaze landed on Theron, both men knew it was going to be the same question as Senya's.

".... She's my mother. It would kill me to know that I didn't try when I had the chance."

The former SIS agent didn't need to strengthen his case, but his final point deeply resonated with Riornivo. Flashes of the failure with his own mother appeared, but he shook his head to repel that trauma. All three of the people talking to him moved to help as he took a step back, but he reassured them of his condition. The Jedi reluctantly agreed with the agent's request.

"You need to take care of our son... Do you still believe in me?" as Rionnic grasped Jaesa's hand, having had to refuse her pitch of coming along. It was the same question he uttered at the beginning of their relationship, and she decided to give the same response all those years ago: a melancholic kiss.

When Kira stepped out of the shuttle, she was surprised to see the additions to the rescue group. Scourge voiced his disapproval, but Rionnic reminded him of how powerful Vitiate was. The first Wrath argued about the risks, which led to his successor taking on full responsibility upon all of the personnel accompanying him. It was quite the unexpected stance coming from Rionnic considering that he mostly preferred working solo.

"We're not helpless. You're venturing into the unknown... It'll be safer with numbers." Senya chimed in.

"Right, let's just go. Time's short." As Kira stepped back into the shuttle.

Minutes after they approached the coordinates, they were intercepted by a fighter unit coming from the ship Satele was in. Kira's shuttle managed to evade the attack while Arcann's shuttle from behind shot at the assailant. He told Kira to sprint towards the ship while he dispatched the enemy.

The two Wraths and two Jedi cautiously disembarked from their shuttle, expecting a welcoming party. They were met with darkness and silence instead. Their steps were light to avoid alerting the occupants, but without lightsabers to light their way, it was difficult.

Until they heard an argument coming from a control room. It was two Hands of the Emperor, being quite uncharacteristic by the way they bickered.

"This is impossible! We fixed one system and another broke! It's deliberate!"

"That must have been T7's handiwork," Kira whispered to Rionnic. "Let's take them out quietly before th-"

But Scourge had a different idea. He menacingly advanced towards the two servants, attacking them alone. Rionnic could only narrow his eyes at that. When the rest of the group joined Scourge, it became an uneven fight. Riornivo only flinched and cowered during the brutality, earning some side eyes from his twin. But Kira put a comforting hand on the rattled Jedi, understanding how unnerving it was watching the two Wraths mercilessly struck down their enemies.

T7 emerged from hiding behind some boxes, expressing his relief.

"Ship = off-course // Unknown group = arrived before T7 + Hand"

Which led Kira to question who else was in the ship. Scourge wanted to dispatch them, causing Riornivo to disagree as they could be after the same purpose. "Agreed," as Kira interjected, "Containment should be our priority anyways."

"Engine malfunction = temporary // direct sabotage = necessary"

"Great, I'll take T7 to make sure the hyperdrive and engines are completely shut down. Shields and weapons too, just in case. You wanna come along?" To which Riornivo took up Kira's offer.

"We must still make sure no one on this ship can leave. We cannot risk the plague spreading." Scourge reminded, to which Rionnic replied, "We should launch the escape pods before anyone can use it… and the unknown group's transport."

Everyone nodded as the objectives were set and thus, the two Jedi and Wraths split up. The two Siths encountered more servants along the way, fighting their former comrades off while releasing the escape pods and progressing towards the hangar control room. Their counterparts weren't met with as much combat until they reached their objective. As much as Riornivo hated violence, he couldn't possibly let Kira face the enemies alone.

He reluctantly drew his new lightsaber, while utilizing mostly defensive Force abilities. Every chance he could incapacitate the opponent, he took it.

Upon seeing the mystery shuttle being a Zakuulan one, Rionnic was unsurprised but still perplexed. Scourge voiced his disdain about the passenger's loyalty to Valkorion, to which Rionnic added, "Some of them oppose my tenure. I can't be sure of their agenda."

"Then we should give them a chance to explain themselves before striking."

After releasing the shuttle into open space, Kira called them to report on her progress. Rionnic did the same, and Kira gave everyone a coordinate to meet on a hunch that both Jedi sensed Satele's whereabouts. Once the two Wraths made their way to the ship's bridge, they found some lifeless Scions, with traces of lightsaber battles around the room. Rionnic recalled their purpose while he readjusted the ship's course. When they were about to leave the bridge, an unmistakable, ghostly voice lamented the loss of lives, urging an end to it.

"Revan?"

"The ritual inscribed on Tenebrae's flesh–the plague, is taking over its host's minds. He's being remade, I can feel it. We need to intervene." Revan remarked.

"Kira will lead us in meditation. We will join our minds and try to purge the plague from Satele's psyche."

"Then go, quickly. I'll help you as best as I can."

The two Jedi met Arcann's group, and not long after, they met the two Wraths at the specified coordinates. From a distance, Satele can be seen being dragged around along with her students by the servants, but they were stopped by an unsettling scene. Minazar, a fatally injured Scion used the last of his breaths to laugh once he spotted the rescue group.

“Heskal’s prophecy… at last, we’re all here…”

But Servant Four emerged with her lightsaber brandished. “You cannot stop this!”

“You’ll never win!” Minazar argued back. “Valkorion’s last vestige will soon be purged from your corruption!”

“You were puppets! Fools! We’re his true followers! Only we know the true shape of his power–of his plans!”

Rionnic rubbed his forehead while sighing defeatedly at the bickering. Arcann attempted to reason with them after Riornivo's effort failed, producing the same result. Weapons were drawn when Servant Four ended Minazar's life. The fight was difficult; the room they were in was small compared to the one Satele was located, but they avoided bringing the fight near her. Even more lives were lost.

Kira and Theron wasted no time to check on Satele's condition while Riornivo did the same for the group, healing their minor injuries.

"She's still breathing. Some of her students… we gotta hurry."

"Quick! Form a circle." Scourge commanded.

But Theron grabbed Riornivo's arm, with a somber look on his face. "I'll keep guard in case there are stragglers."

"Theron?"

"I'm glad I could help but… I don't think I want to see the inside of her head."

"Couldn't agree more." Rionnic interjected.

The Barsen'thor acknowledged the agent's concern, and advised him to wake any of them up should anything go wrong. Kira began to instruct the Force wielders to focus their minds on Satele, and to control their breathing as they went into deep meditation. Then, to follow her voice as the Force gradually shifted the fabric of reality.

Vaylin woke up in a strange place, unlike anything she had ever seen before. How did she get there? Was this another dream? Just when she thought to sleep earlier today! She was wearing her former Empress robes, complete with the head covering. Looking down, she saw an endless, purplish gray void. But the most perturbing thing was a tall figure approaching her.

It was her murderer, the evil twin.

Instantly, she activated her lightsaber to defend herself. She had never come face to face with him ever since that day. He marched closer with his lightsaber pointed at her. Gazing upon the face of the man she had come to care for contorted with such hatred made her weaker.

"Everytime you hurt him, I felt it too. Didn't you know?"

A damaging statement hitting her where it mattered. Her fists clenched tighter, with the free one shooting sparks out. Flashes of that day resurfaced; his red lightsaber through her body, but his twin quickly pulled him away from her.

"Get away from me!"

"No, you get away from me. Get away from him."

He took the first swing. She successfully blocked it, quickly creating a distance by sidestepping. She pushed him away with the Force, but it only managed to weakly shove him. Either his Force resistance had increased tremendously, or she became weaker instead. He struck again with added weight to his swing, causing her to stagger back after parrying. Not giving her a chance, he swung again multiple times, straining her resolve, causing her defense to get sloppy. It felt like a casual fencing session for him, clearly not using his full might and expertise. While she was fighting for her life. A reminiscence to what she used to love doing to her subordinates.

Her lightning bolts missed, distance created easily closed by his much larger size, her own strikes deftly countered, and even her anger wasn't enough to overcome the circumstance. She couldn't even find a second to focus on the Force prowess she had.

But suddenly, another lightsaber clashed with his. This time, it was someone his own size, catching him off guard. Having the fight unexpectedly leveled against him, he had to finally use his off-hand lightsaber.

"Thexan?"

Was this another Iokath situation? Was Thexan real? She took a moment to sense her brother's presence through the Force, and it reciprocated. She could feel him. But she was already quite drained to assist her brother, and her head was spinning with questions and a strange but familiar influence trying to take over…

Kira woke up to a horrifying environment, discouraged by the state of Satele's mind. Next to her was Riornivo, who awakened shortly after her. "I can’t sense the others… I'm not sure if they made it in."

"Unexpected visitors… Fascinating."

That voice again, unmistakable and dreadful. Both of them walked forward cautiously when Valkorion appeared in a flash of lightning, startling them. “You don’t recognize me?” Riornivo asked.

“No, but you come here for a purpose… Ah, who might you be?”

Before they could do anything, Valkorion summoned dark energies taking the form of monstrosities to welcome them. Kira leapt into the fight while Valkorion vanished. Choice was once again ripped from Rio’s hands as he had to fight off the monstrosities inflicting all kinds of negative emotions with each attack. After the last of them was defeated, Valkorion praised them both, but yet another voice familiar to Kira echoed the sentiment. Vitiate.

"What the-"

But there was another manifestation, a void-eyed Sith pureblood, donned in an ancient apparel and a body full of markings.

Riornivo thought he was taking pills of lunacy when each of the forms took turns in talking, remarking what memories and knowledge Satele possessed when pressed about the past encounters. Seeing that the monstrosities weren’t giving the two Jedi much trouble, Tenebrae isolated Rio from Kira, leaving him to fight alone. But an equally powerful presence launched a surprise attack on Tenebrae, reducing his form to a dark dust.

“In this fight you are never alone!” Revan exclaimed.

The relief Riornivo felt was tremendous–he didn’t think he could survive three Emperors by himself. Revan took over most of the fighting as they progressed further into the corrupted memory, restoring it little by little by reliving the fonder ones such as Satele's early recalling of her padawan days. Once Tenebrae’s attention was stolen from the others by what the pair was doing, he reappeared to stop Revan and Riornivo.

Even more unexpected appearances came to assist. It was Meetra Surik and Scourge, seemingly to have closed their own chapter all those years ago. Outnumbered, the void-eyed Sith shifted the scene and scattered his enemies again. It wasn't long after Rio got up that another familiar voice spoke to him. Darth Marr.

"This impression of Tenebrae isn't as powerful as he thinks he is. His lack of memory means that he does not know how to effectively combat us," as Rio approached him, still quite light-headed. "Despite this state of mind, Satele is stronger than that. You can stop him. Avenge me. Avenge us all!"

Another blinding light and a change of environment. Riornivo wondered how Marr was able to do that, but he concluded that the Sith was a close companion to Satele during her exile. Perhaps he was one of the last bastions of Satele's mind against Tenebrae's corruption. He took a moment to regain his composure–all that teleportation and cameos was quite disorientating. Fortunately, he felt right at home walking around the faux Tython, discovering a small holocron by a statue. He then showed it towards a gateway, opening up a passage leading back to the distorted scenery.

He looked around to see if he wasn’t alone anymore. Failing that, he started walking, eventually seeing a corrupted Jedi temple in the distance. But a scene unveiling nearby caught his attention first. His twin was fighting Arcann’s twin and Vaylin. Rionnic was holding his own against the siblings, being so much more powerful it’s unnatural. “STOP!”

Riornivo’s shouting distracted Rionnic, which Thexan took to full advantage. He stepped back and then jumped for the kill.

But he was frozen mid-air. It wasn’t only him, both Vaylin and Rionnic received the same treatment. When Riornivo finally arrived in the middle of the three, he panted and struggled to normalize his breathing. While the frozen three looked at him with gobsmacked expressions. Comically, the Jedi manually removed their lightsabers, then rearranged them away from each other gently with the Force. He knew full well that he was in for either a verbal or physical smack down after he released them.

“Please, this is what Valkorion wanted you to do. We must work together…”

And so he released them. Thexan seemed to understand and just stood there, Rionnic was baring his teeth at his brother, while Vaylin pulled her lightsaber back.

“He tried to kill me! He started it first! I was just defending myself from my murderer!” Vaylin shouted.

“Ah, here we go again. You’re going to excuse her behavior in three… two…” Rionnic mocked.

“Stop. Please, just a moment. It’s killing me to see you both like this. We can talk this through. I’m beggi-”

“Oh, no, not this again! This just keeps on getting better!” Vaylin interrupted upon seeing her mother and brother approaching. Meanwhile, Tenebrae was watching from stealth, smiling at the chaos unfolding.

“Brother… I…” Arcann lamented.

“I know.”

“Know what? That he’s just as delusional as our parents?”

“Vaylin… please.”

“Please, please,” Vaylin mocked, while Rionnic stepped back, wanting no part of this family reunion. “Please what, mother? To stop reminding you of the truth? Does it hurt? Because it pales to what you’ve done to me.”

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But you deserve to hear this,” as Senya slowly approached her daughter. “I was wrong… He took you and I said nothing. He caged you and I just stood by. He robbed you of the woman you were destined to be but I… I let it happen. Others blamed you for so much, but the fault is all mine. The pain and suffering wouldn’t have happened if I just fought harder… for you. I could have done more… I should have done more.”

Senya’s weeping seemed to ease its way into Vaylin’s heart. Riornivo had been nodding somberly throughout, adding his own words to it. “I know this isn’t nearly enough to make things right… but I hope hearing this brings you some peace, Vaylin.”

It resulted in a long pause from everyone until Vaylin recouped her composure, sniffing out her father from behind. “Can we focus? There’s someone else here who needs to DIE.”

“Heh, foolish child,” as Valkorion suddenly appeared, once again startling everyone. He held out a hand, attempting to invade Vaylin’s mind. Not this time, she thought. The Force fully cooperated with her by blasting Valkorion with lightning, stopping his attempt and unveiling both Vitiate and Tenebrae nearby. The Zakuulan family advanced towards Tenebrae, cornering him.

"You presume limits to my power. There are none."

Surprisingly, it resulted in Rionnic flinching and hissing while holding his head. His younger brother caught him as his vision returned from distortion. His head immediately felt lighter, and his breathing easier. Riornivo quickly figured out what was happening. Tenebrae was inside Rionnic's head.

“You need to get to the center. Go!” Arcann ushered.

Thus, the twin brothers hurried towards the corrupted Jedi temple. While he was still feeling light headed from being mentally freed minutes earlier, Rionnic fought off the remaining monstrosities with a strong sense of protecting his brother. Using the same holocron of memory, Riornivo untangled the temple’s grand door out of those dark roots.

And in the heart of what used to be the council room was Satele, deep in meditation.

Tenebrae further taunted the twins by saying that Satele was only moments away from being hollowed out.

"You’re starting to sound a bit desperate. Who are you trying to convince?" Rionnic taunted right back.

"Mindless child!"

Tenebrae broke the council room apart to reveal the ruined mindscape once more, reveling in his coming victory. “No.”

The former Grandmaster stood up, full of determination. “Your power is your weakness. It blinds you.”

“Jedi nonsense!”

Satele herself joined in the taunting battle, but more eloquently, countering each of Tenebrae’s barbs by acknowledging them and describing how well she knew his inner workings and egotistical crusade. “I never had to beat you. I only had to let you think you’re invincible… Until now, until every person who knows your weakness firsthand could come to face you.”

Led by Revan, the people Satele mentioned marched forward, ready to end their common enemy. “Until the one person who proved you could be defeated came here to destroy you, once and for all.” as Satele took her place next to the Barsen’thor.

“But I-”

“You hesitate now, this will all be for nothing, Spiky.”

In all the years he had met his twin, that was the first time ever Rionnic called his brother by his nickname. It inflicted mixed emotions for the Jedi: endearment, anxiety, and confusion. The mindscape was quickly overrun with crimson Force as Tenebrae merged his forms into Valkorion, beginning the fight for their lives.

Rionnic and Satele tried to attack the Emperor, but they were repelled by a dark barrier. Before they could hit the ground, they floated harmlessly, caught by Riornivo’s gentle Force powers. The others leapt into the fight, and Valkorion summoned helpers to manage the amount of attacks he was bearing. It was pure chaos.

With combined powers and strength, they managed to vanquish Valkorion’s form, resulting in the emergence of Vitiate. The rest of the fighters weren’t letting up. Riornivo mainly utilized his defensive and healing powers, managing the combatants' physical statuses. This had not gone unnoticed as Rionnic stole a few seconds to remind his twin to launch his offense instead of defending endlessly. Which made the Jedi wish he was never there.

Vitiate seemed to have something personal against Revan, because he was taking most of the hits. All of the other fighters who tried to assist were overwhelmed by the weight of Vitiate’s trap in the form of strings, like a puppeteer controlling his subjects. Revan’s strength was waning, while Riornivo was struggling to summon enough Force to free himself and the others. Revan decided to spend his remaining grit to free the Barsen’thor.

“Strike him!”

No more room for hesitation. Drawing his green lightsaber and Force Light on the other hand, Riornivo did not charge at Vitiate, but instead finally used his Architect Wings to jet forward and imbued his strike with the Force Light. Vitiate failed to resist, watching his trap vanish and his form disintegrate. It was time for Tenebrae to take matters into his own hand. He didn’t waste time and impaled Riornivo with a crimson blade made of pure Force energy. There were screams of his name.

The ancient Sith then tossed him away.

Vaylin and Rionnic rushed towards him. Satele stood guarding her former student from Tenebrae’s overwhelming power, while the rest continued the fight despite being close to fatigue themselves. The Barsen’thor’s wings were covering his wound, dispersing some sort of healing salve thanks to his modifications to Brontes’ invention. But he was veering in and out of consciousness. Vaylin cradled him on her lap, trying to keep him awake. His twin was grasping his hand, noticing dark streams traveling inside his brother’s veins.

“Fight it off. Take my strength. You don’t leave me now, brother.”

And he wouldn’t. He was lifted off the ground by his wings, encased in blinding light combined with lightning currents from each conduit of the wings. When he landed, he was trying to catch his breaths, hand over the healed wound on his chest. Both of his hands then reached out to Rionnic and Vaylin. Holding their hands, he finally spoke for the first time.

“I agree. It’s time for this to end.”

It carved a smile on both of their faces. The Jedi’s face was no longer masked by his own reluctance. He released the hands of his loved ones and started levitating while summoning an immense amount of Force Light. It caught Tenebrae’s attention. Before he could turn around to face Riornivo, beams of energy shot out from the wings, creating holes. The Force Light disembarked from Rio’s hands towards him. Try as he might to resist or destroy it, the Light started enveloping him, causing unimaginable pain.

All three of his forms were cornered. He concentrated the last of his might and knocked everyone down in a crimson wave, slowly overpowering them. Only Riornivo was still standing albeit weakly. Tenebrae focused his power onto him, breaking through his mental defenses. His head felt like it was exploding.

Just like how she resisted her father’s control, Vaylin mustered enough strength and ran a hand on Riornivo’s back, gentle and comforting. It worked like a charm, as he met her eyes and nodded lovingly.

The fighters slowly stood up with renewed resolve. Satele remarked; “Everything you’ve done…” continued by Senya; “Everyone you’ve betrayed…” and by Kira; “Everyone you’ve manipulated!” then lastly, by Meetra; “Everyone you’ve murdered…”

“The Force seeks balance. Always!” Revan pointed out.

True enough, his power was his weakness. He was suddenly caught off guard and was blasted by his own power. It turned Valkorion to a statue, followed by Vitiate. Then lastly, Tenebrae, who put up as much fight as he could. The Emperor crumbled to a pool of ashes.

The Force immediately felt just, and the whole galaxy was lifted from a burden thousands of years endured. Rionnic kicked the ashes, as a last mockery towards his former master.

“Are you alright?” Vaylin’s question to Riornivo.

“Now I’m alright.” said the Jedi while his wings retracted, having fulfilled their purpose.

It was her turn to be oblivious to the hidden meaning behind Rio’s response. She nodded, then her attention was stolen towards Arcann pleading to his brother.

“Please, Thex, just a little bit longer. I don’t want to wake up. Please stay…” as he squeezed his brother, talking in tears.

“You’re behaving like when we were kids. You need to wake up or your wife will kill you.” Thexan teased. He then pulled Senya into the hug.

And Vaylin just kept her head down, shrinking behind Riornivo. With a smile, Rio gently ushered her towards her family, and Senya pulled her in the group hug. They were sobbing and uttering apologies to one another. “We’re together now.”

One by one, the people vanished, bathed in light, either becoming one with the Force or waking up from their slumber. Riornivo breathed a sigh of relief.

But was it truly the end?

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