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bitethetablet · 2 years

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water

tag list (ask to be added):

@queermanifold

@i-ampoggers

@koffeerune

@yourfriendphoenix

@gebder

@helpicant-stop

@aliveburs

#tablets art #media.warning.selfneglect #tw self neglect #(accidentally)#dsmp crimeboys #dsmp wilbur fanart #dsmp tommy fanart #dsmp crimeboys fanart #scheduling this early bc alot is happening tomorrow

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athenasartworks · 1 month

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The Veteran hat is a reference to something my husband says. I also thought of modern Mithrun just wearing sun glasses to hide his eyes all the time.

I love him so much. I just relate to the pain making it easy to forget you need to take care of yourself. Sometimes there's not even pain, just numbness and you let go and don't even know how to want to be better anymore.

#athenasartworks #traditional doodle #graphite #paper and pencil #dungeon meshi fanart #mithrun #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #tw self neglect

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tulip-simp-artist · 11 months

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Nightbringer MC who starts back up their old bad, depressing, “habits”. Like MC was known in their original timeline for having terrible mental health, and through years with the characters, have gone a lot better. Then they are sent back in time, no one but Solomon knows them and yet they HAVE to be around the people they used to know so well EVERY day! That’s gotta fuck you up in the head.

TW Topics Below: Eating Disorders, Insomnia, Cutting, Self-harm in general, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks

So MC’s depression is worse, again, and all the things they had overcome, they indulge in again.

Example with my MC, Eden: Eden first came to the Devildom fighting depression, an eating disorder, insomnia, and self-harm. Through time, support, and help, Eden started eating 3 meals a day again, sleeping more, and stopped cutting their arms.

Come Nightbringer and Eden is sent back in time in more ways than one. ALL the progress and work starts chipping away. Constantly, they are having panic attack out of any prying eyes but Solomon. Solomon can’t comfort Eden because he and Eden have a rocky relationship ( a few times Eden seeks him out, they don’t want to ruin their progress with healing from their various mental illness). Anxiety in through the roof, and anything triggers it (they are also easily startled).

Sleep becomes restless again and soon is unarchivable, Eden gets MAYBE 3 hours of sleep. Eating becomes a chore, especially since Solomon’s food is a hazard. Eden doesn’t even eat around the brothers despite often being there for one or more of the meals. Hell, Eden probably cooked said meals and still DOESN’T eat! Solomon thinks Eden is eating with the brothers, the brothers think Eden is either not hungry or just going to eat when they leave for the day. It goes unnoticed for a while. The twins might pick up on Eden’s lack of sleep and eating but they are new demons so they just assume it’s something else.

Eventually, after it is revealed that Eden is human, a few things give away their declining mental health. One, demon’s can sense and smell blood, and Eden started cutting again.... They know something is up, something is wrong, but physically Eden is fine?? It is the topic of conversation when Eden leaves in the evenings. They don’t completely put the pieces together until their attendant passes out at Diavolo’s castle before dinner. Panic ensues because the HUMAN attendant has fucking passed out on the floor.

When Eden wakes up, the brothers very much more anxious when they sleep because of the week long coma thing, they know everyone wants answers. They give them answers, indicating the lack of sleep and lack of eating and LEAVE! They don’t want to stay and are back to NOT wanting help!

Seriously, I know this is all talking about my personal MC, but this could apply to anyone’s MC! Maybe I just like Nightbringer angst/proving the MC wouldn’t at all be happy stuck in the past like Nightbringer wants, idk. But I want to hear more about how people’s MCs are affected by the events in Nightbringer.

#obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me nightbringer #om! nightbringer #nightbringer spoilers #tw mental instability #tw anxiety #tw ed descussion #tw depression #tw insomnia #tw self harm #tw self destructive behavior #tw self neglect #eden thornlock #obey me eden #art jules writes

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minecraftrelatedrandomness · 2 years

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Connecting the Dots: The Jailbird Backstory, and Pre/Early-SMP c!Quackity Analysis and Theories

Previously on the c!Quackity canon backstory analysis, we laid the conclusion that he technically has two canon backstories, which may or may not be contradictory or overlapping, depending on interpretation. [AO3] [Tumblr]

Last time, I went into the MCM backstory more, since it had a greater impact on the lore and is generally considered "hard canon" [Video summary here]. This time, however, I'll be looking specifically into the 'Jailbird' backstory, as I call it, AKA the "juvenile detention" one, which is more "soft canon" but has a surprisingly large amount of detail to it—even more than I initially thought when I made my previous post, since I started to dig through more early c!Q VODs to get more information on that initial backstory.

This post primarily serves as a summary for the information I found regarding the 'Jailbird' backstory, VOD by VOD.

So, everyone, sit back and relax, because I already did the hard work for you over the course of months. Oh, and this post refers to the characters, not content creators (unless specified otherwise).

CW: Child neglect, imprisonment, mental health/PTSD, self-neglect, substance abuse (including by a minor).

[Click here to read this analysis/theory post on AO3]

Background

Quackity claims to have been stuck in juvenile detention, allegedly called "SMP Juvie" [B, 10:50], for a contradictory amount of time: 10 years [A, 1:35:20], 41 years [A, 1:36:40], or 43 years [A, 1:46:25], all claims in the same livestream.

However, the "41 years" one was claimed just after Tubbo said he lost ~41 levels of XP during Tommy's 'test-mugging' for the Cartel about 6 minutes previously, so I don't know if that claim is to be taken seriously or not; besides, tapping into the Duck theory, 41-43 'duck years' is about 10 'human years' anyway, so we're sticking with the "10 years" claim for this analysis.

Since we know c!Quackity is similar in age to cc!Quackity through various livestreams in Season 1, it's safe to assume that he's ~19 as of Season 1, and ~9 when he got sentenced.

The reasons behind his imprisonment have never been explicitly stated. When asking Dream to whitelist Q onto the SMP, Tommy claims this reason was because Q got into "fun juvie" for "having too much fun" [C, 0:43], but it's not confirmed whether this is a cover story for a more serious crime, a metaphorically true reason, or a complete lie in that Tommy doesn't know the 'crime' either. Some of the theories for how Q ended up there have varied, but are not confirmed in any way to be canon:

Drug-related offenses: Posited by @lasnevadaslaborunion. In one livestream, Q claimed to have "got off that shit years ago" in response to Karl giving him 'heroin' without him knowing. [E, 4:25] This "years ago" is non-specific, so it might go back a decade… and fair enough, in some countries, possession of hard drugs like heroin can land some pretty hefty prison sentences. Whatever way it goes, it still implies exposure to hard drugs as a child… yikes. (Note: This is not my personal theory on how the heroin thing happened. See below for that.)

Misadventures in other video games (e.g. Roblox, Club Penguin Island, etc.): This one is a little meta, but before his MC-related content, including the DSMP, cc!Quackity was quite infamous for raiding various video games, to the point he's part of the Trope Pantheon as an ambiguous-ranking 'deity' of the Internet Counterattack trope (yes, really). It's possible that his character counterpart did something similar at a young age… and ended up behind bars. It probably helps justify and give context to the 'imprisoned for "having too much fun"' excuse Tommy gave, as stated above. And Toontown-affiliated backstories would fit right into this category, regardless of what he did — the game's villains are fun-haters, after all.

A Disclaimer on Realism

Now, here's a little question before we dive deeper: can 9-year-olds be sentenced to juvenile detention in the first place?

The answer depends on where you live. Some countries have a minimum age for children being prosecuted. The US apparently does not, but that's an argument for another day, and one that is unrelated to Minecraft roleplay. My point here is that the aforementioned minimum age is 14 or older in several countries, and even in the US, most convicted juvenile offenders tend to be in their older teenage years. [Source]

Also, according to many articles I had to look up for this post, many juvenile offenders aren't even sent to jail, they usually have other, less severe sentences, like probation or home confinement or fostering, so the odds of a 9-year-old child ending up in juvie is actually pretty unlikely, realistically speaking, if legal at all.

…And for a sentence of 10 years or more? As stated above, the reason little!Q ended up there at all was never mentioned.

However, since that did happen in soft DSMP canon, I'd have to say… the poor lad would have basically spent most of his childhood incarcerated. I wonder if he still remembers anything about his life before that point canonically.

Environment and Trauma

Even though nothing is actually shown, there's a surprisingly large amount of descriptions of the environment in the juvenile detention centre, for lack of a better term, in the early livestreams.

When Q first joined the SMP, his first remark was on the fresh air, probably because Spawn is still a distance away from the warzone, and that he felt "alive again". [C, 3:13]

There's also this line: "I didn't have the smile in juvie", likely referring to his now-iconic :] smile. [C, 4:00] Oh, and canonically confirmed PTSD. [D, 16:40]

The interior of the prison itself is unstated, but is implied to be made of grey stone-adjacent blocks, if Q's reaction to setting his spawn in the Courthouse in the Sky is any indication. [D, 22:10] So… I'm speculating its interior either looks like the Cops and Robbers map or… this map cc!Q did in 2019 (minus the escaping), or something like that.

For whatever reason, Q seemed to have claustrophobia, and may or may not have been triggered into a panic attack and a mental breakdown and a half. [C, 11:30]

He claimed to have a lot of allergic reactions, but to what exactly, it was never mentioned. [C, 15:15]

Q might have also tried to escape on at least one occasion. At one point, he offers to show Tommy the "blueprints" for his Cartel plan [A, 1:16:40], but doesn't want others to know about them because they were "a secret where [he comes] from". And then there's this line: "If someone leaks a blueprint… things– all I'm gonna say is things don't go well for those who leak the blueprints, Tommy." Tommy did actually leak the 'blueprint' for a few seconds [A, 1:17:53], but in the context of juvenile detention, as we'll discuss in more detail later on… I'd suppose things wouldn't go well for people who leak prison blueprints, if you choose to interpret the line this way. In the same livestream, he might have tried to break out with a screwdriver, but clearly that didn't work. [A, 1:38:30]

Q recalls apparently breaking his legs like "the second night of juvie" [C, 23:04], most likely from falling, but honestly most of us are concerned how this even happened, and which incompetent nincompoop was running the place to allow children to get injured so easily. So… either the structure of the detention centre violates health and safety regulations, or the 'guards' (for lack of a better word) are shit at their jobs, or both.

In the middle of planning out their heist and preparing to 'test-mug' Tubbo, Q claimed to have been clean from 'drugs' for "30 minutes" at one point. [A, 1:25:40] If this is true, this implies somehow he managed to have access to whatever 'drugs' he was using at that point. This also possibly lines up with the 'heroin' incident mentioned above… which I theorize would be correlated to some other information I found — heroin is "used in the palliative management of bone fractures and other trauma, especially in children" [Wikipedia]. In layman's terms, it basically means heroin is sometimes used as pain relief. I think you might be able to connect the dots from here, but that's just my theory.

A final note in regards to Q in the early days — he appears to have a tendency of neglecting his personal health, which goes from him joining the DSMP all the way into the Manburg era. He walks around on low health and hunger fairly often, usually as a result of taking damage and never healing up, and even when he doesn't have food on him, he doesn't ask others to give him some so he can regen. [e.g. D, 28:50] Heck, this is how Niki got arrested just after Schlatt's election — she 'hit' Q to snap him out of a breakdown and a half and ended up killing him (non-canonically) because he was on half a heart and insufficient hunger to regen at the time. This tendency is recurring to the point one might even call it a bad habit. I don't know if his past has anything to do with this, but one might argue it is a manifestation of "reckless or self-destructive behavior" under the symptoms of PTSD.

Shared Past with TommyInnit?

Q and Tommy seemed to at least know each other and be friends even before Q's official first appearance, but how exactly is unstated.

In Q's first appearances, Tommy has claimed to only know of him as the best in the Cartel business and teamed up with him, but considering their already amicable relationship even in their 'first' canon conversation, as well as the fact that Tommy gets RL Given Name Privileges with Q [A, 1:32:15], this seems unlikely.

The two had a 'conversation' about having "met in high school". Since it was more likely than not a cover story for the Cartel, its legitimacy is doubted. [A, 1:30:00]

Tommy was apparently the one to get him out of juvenile detention, somehow. [C, 16:05]

Relationship with MCM Backstory

As cited in the previous analysis post, I raised some suspicions that the M!necraft Mondays backstory may have been retconned from the 'Jailbird' backstory as the timelines for the two don't appear to line up. However, I would like to go back and disprove this suspicion, as upon closer examination, the VODs themselves suggest that the two backstories coexist.

On his first livestream on the DSMP, Quackity mentions having met Technoblade before during MCM and claimed that Techno was scared of him (Jack didn't believe that) [D, 48:20].

Knowing what actually happened in MCM (links above), it's suggested that Q was highkey projecting his feelings in the moment, which would line up with his later behaviour.

Canonicity

Also in the previous analysis post, I also raised suspicions that the 'Jailbird' backstory is no longer considered canonical as a result of retcons. However, once again, I would go back and correct that this backstory is soft canon: the 'Jailbird' backstory is closely associated with the concept of the Cartel. The Phantom Membrane Cartel (PMC) was established during Q's second voice-only appearance on the server [B, 7:40], but the plans of the Cartel idea were first laid out the day prior, i.e. during Q's first voice-only appearance, and the PMC was simply a continuation of the initial Cartel plan [B, 3:35]. The PMC itself was later canonized officially as hard canon in Season 3 [F, 44:05]. As a result, the canonicity of the 'Jailbird' backstory is implied to be confirmed by association.

There are also possible hints towards the canonicity of this backstory in the first Las Nevadas stream. While passing by the minimum/moderate security holding cells on the way to visit Dream, Q makes a joke with Sam, asking if he might ever be put in one of the cells, and then saying "you know how I am" when Sam wasn't amused. [G, 1:00:50] Of course, this can just as easily be referring to Q's jokester nature, but one would wonder.

Oh, and as a bonus, Tiger the cat is implied to be canon too via association, if you interpret it that way. [B, 5:45]

Livestreams/Clips used as sources and references

A. "TommyInnit & Quackity do crimes on Dream's Minecraft Server..." (TommyVODS, 5 August 2020)

B. "TommyInnit & Quackity DO A HEIST on the Dream SMP" (TommyVODS, 6 August 2020)

C. "Quackity joins Dream SMP w/ TommyInnit" (TommyVODS, 11 August 2020)

D. "Quackity Joins The Dream SMP" (QuackityVODS, 17 August 2020)

E. "Karl And Quackity Having Love PROBLEMS! DREAM SMP" (Angry Thomas, 12/13 November 2020) — clipped from a Karl VOD from 12 November 2020

F: "Tommy Leaves Prison with Dream." (TommyVODS, 12 March 2021)

G: "Quackity Visits Dream In Prison" (QuackityVODS, 16 March 2021)

Related posts for reference

This post by @lasnevadaslaborunion, which reminded me to look into Q's backstory even more, and provides the talking point for Source G

This post by @stillnotfivefoot with additions from @marmalade-mir, which kick-started this backstory investigation in the first place

This Legal Beagle article ("What Happens at a Juvenile Detention Center?" by Hilary Ferrand, 5 February 2020) which is really helping me with a fanfic involving this backstory, and as a result, this analysis post.

#aqua analyzes c!quackity from the dsmp #dream smp #dream smp analysis #quackity #dream smp theory #long post #cw trauma #cw mental health #tw drugs #tw self neglect #/rp /dsmp #dsmp jailbird backstory #my post #aqua's mcytblr resources

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gay-jewish-bucky · 2 years

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When Bucky was pm the run, do you think he did anything to help with the pain his shoulder on his left side probably felt? Like heat pads?

I sometimes wonder about that, about his relationship with pain.

It can be hard, when you're in the depths of mental illness and trauma recovery, to feel like you are worthy of not hurting.

Not to quote Shadowhunters on main, but this moment where Alec is hiding out on Magnus' fire escape left a mark on me

[Alec looks at his wounded hand, in pain.] Magnus, softly, concerned: Too busy to use a healing rune? Alec, not meeting his eyes: I’m fine. Magnus, sadly: No, you’re not. Alec: [shifts uncomfortably] Magnus: You’re hurting. Badly. You hope the pain here [raises his hand] will overpower the pain there [points to his heart]... Magnus, pained, eyes shining: I wish it were that simple.

I think part of his recovery (when he's finally somewhere he doesn't have to worry about being found) would be learning to believe that he doesn't deserve to hurt, and so slowly beginning to take care of his body as he heals his mind.

Learning how to listen to his body and being taught different techniques like massage (courtesy of Steve), mirror therapy, physical and ocupational therapy, ect...

I wonder if neuropathic pain medications that help with pain related to damage to the nerve fibres would help him, or would his metabolism burn them away too quickly?

I imagine they'd stay far away from neuromodulation* as it very likely would be triggering, given the use of Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) in his torture.

In relation to his arm, I've noticed that at some point there is a change in the length of Bucky's residual limb.

It makes me wonder if Shuri did intensive amputation revision surgery to try and repair some of the extensive internal damage he very likely had, and making it so a prosthesis would cause less strain on his skeleton/muscles. Thus leaving him with less residual limb, but hopefully leaving him in less pain (including improving phantom pain levels).

Not only are osteointegration* and neuromuscular integration* relatively new in the world of amputation, and functional neuromusculoskeletal prosthetics* less than a decade old, thus anything they did was very experimental (decades ahead of cutting edge biotechnology), but HYDRA's barbaric treatment of Bucky in general makes it very reasonable to assume their surgical methods were just as brutal. Caring more about the arm's use as a weapon than any improvement for Bucky's quality of life.

The fact he wore a very heavy titanium arm 24/7 for decades, in and of itself, would have been very painful and damaging to his body. Being unable to detach it for things like sleep, very much would have compounded his pain, even with his accelerated healing.

Wearing a prosthesis to bed in general is uncomfortable, and can lead to complications, so prosthetists warn against it, one can only imagine that one made of solid metal would exponentially increase those issues.

*definitions under the cut*

neuromodulation: the alteration of nerve activity through targeted delivery of a stimulus, such as electrical stimulation or chemical agents

osteointegration: the direct structural and functional connection between living bone and the surface of a load-bearing artificial implant

neuromuscular integration: the subconscious integration of sensory information that is processed by the central nervous system, resulting in controlled movement through coordinated muscle activity

neuromusculoskeletal prosthesis: a prosthetic hooked up to your bones, nerves, and muscles allowing the wearer to control their limb and experience sensation

#marvel #mcu #bucky #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #post-hydra #tw self neglect #will probably go more into depth on this in the future

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the-speyeral · 1 year

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When he was gifted his wings it was painful. Unlike any pain he had ever felt.

He could never forget how excruciating it was to feel them growing beneath his skin until they burst out. He could never forget how much blood there had been afterwards. The bleeding was constant for days.

The others had always sworn that it was normal, yet when he saw the other recently gifted, they were fine.

The pain never fully went away. There was always a stinging when he flew or his wings brushed against something.

He had been told it would be fine.

He had been told it would heal in hours.

He had been told that everyone else was going through or had gone through the exact same thing.

What bullshit.

How pathetic did they have to be? To lie to a child?

He just wished that never would have happened.

His wings even still hurt while he preened them. After nearly twenty years. And what did he get? More lies. More people saying he was lying.

He hated himself for falling for their lies, even if he had just been a kid. He guessed some part of him had just wanted something positive to be able to believe. Maybe he never fully believed it himself.

He remembered neglecting his wings for the first few months. Someone else would do it for him, and most of the time they would not be gentle.

He had fallen back into that habit after he was old enough to leave, then the habit left after he realized it only made things worse.

Well, that's what he wished. He really never liked just leaving them, but when they hurt that much he couldn't bring himself to touch his wings, he wouldn't.

For years after he left he was alone. There were people that were kind and people who had offered to help when they had seen the state of his wings. He was still alone.

Sometimes he wanted to get rid of them. Chop them off or something. Those were just thoughts though. Nothing he could ever be brave enough to act upon.

His wings had been in great condition when he had joined that server, but good things never last and his wings soon were filthy.

The players on that server had noticed and asked about it, saying he could talk to them if he needed. He never did. He thought it was all fake.

Then he joined their next season, and he felt closer to certain players. He didn't think he could call them his friends yet.

His wings never got particularly bad that season. He had only neglected them for a week at most before he was able to preen them properly.

The season after that was when his wings got really bad. They were so bad that he had shut himself inside for weeks without coming out. He had told his friends that it was just some nasty cold, and they had just given him soup and get well soon gifts.

Every now and again he would muster up the energy to start preening, but never really finished.

When he finally stepped out of his house, his wings had looked fine enough from the outside, and none of the village members questioned it. They just said that they were glad that his cold was gone.

Now it was the beginning of the season after, and he couldn't bring himself to stop welling in his thoughts and he couldn't take care of himself.

Only one person had noticed. One he had grown particularly fond of and close with. When he had asked about the wings, and why the avian looked a mess, he had just broken down.

He let his friend preen his wings, and they didn't hurt as much. He had been thorough and hadn't missed a single spec of dirt. It had taken a significantly long amount of time, but the friend had insisted that he was fine with it.

He loved his friend, more than he thought friends could love one another. He couldn't tell what his feelings were, but he didn't really mind it.

Grian was happy.

Grian was cared for.

And, most importantly, Grian's wings were clean.

#ahahahahaha #smiles #hermitcraft #grian #grian fic #grian angst #tw self isolation #tw self neglect #scarian if you squint #hermitcraft fic #hermitblr #oliander writes #hermitshipping #its vague but its there #grians wings are also symbolism for his mental heat hehe #<- health*

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nynehells · 1 year

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I cant sugar coat this and tell the truth at the same time so im just going to say I've been actively fighting for my life with severe depression for so long that if it were a human, it could vote in next year's election.

Some of the very few points of light and joy in my life have been centered around getting to interact with people, especially getting to show other people my art. To have someone be proud of me. All I've ever wanted was a community, to not feel alone, and yet despite all the fanfare I put up, I've felt like my mental illness has made me nothing but a burden to everyone both in the online space as well as the physical one.

I don't know where to go from here. I don't know if there's any fight left in me to keep going. I just know that I am simply still alive only because it would take too much effort to die.

#delete later ig #tw depression #tw self neglect #dont read this if you dont want to have anxiety

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condemned-to-eternity · 9 months

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*He failed. They didn't know enough, they weren't observant enough, they weren't perfect enough, and someone got hurt. He could've helped, he could've lessened the pain, he could've done something, but he didn't. Because they didn't see it, they didn't connect the right dots in time. He failed*

*They aren't ignoring the pain this time, in their back and their head — why should they? No, he's fully aware of it, focusing on it even. But they don't make any sort of effort to lessen it. Again, why should he?*

*They failed, and failure shouldn't go without punishment*

#tw self destructive behavior #tw self neglect

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rallentando1011 · 5 months

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Risevember 2023: Day 26 - Steal

After hours (days?) of nonstop toiling and tinkering, Donnie emerged from his laboratory.

It wasn’t to get more water, nor interact with his family, nor supply his body with well-needed physical activity.

So, what was the incentive?

The dulcet aroma of freshly baked cookies wafting through the air.

The softshell was practically drawn by instinct to the kitchen, the source of the ravishing scent.

The sight of the tray of the baked goods, still releasing steam, a visual depiction of its smell, was just as comely.

Mikey, the creator of the confections, was still hunched over the oven, wearing his pink and white flannel mitts, and shutting the utility’s door, meaning the cookies were at peak freshness.

Mikey would probably offer them to his brothers later, so there would be no harm in Donnie taking one immediately, right?

Yeah, that sounded reasonable enough to a severely deprived Donnie.

So, Donnie coolly slid over to the counter, snagged an insanely hot cookie, ignored that bodily pain like he did the rest, turned to strut away.

However, by some inconceivable force, call it intuition or whatever else, Donnie’s little brother Mikey felt some sort of disturbance in the world, something terribly wrong, and stood up straight.

The cookies.

By that same inconceivable force, Donnie knew he’d better start running.

(@sariphantom)

#rottmnt #save rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #save rise of the tmnt #rottmnt fanart #unpause rottmnt #rise season 3 #sariphantom #save rise of the turtles #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #saverottmnt #unpause rise of the tmnt #unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #risevember #risevember 2023 #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #tw self neglect #(Slightly and just in the writing)

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calmlythrilling · 9 months

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How do you deal with Shadowy Figure nowadays? Is there more mental communication than before?

"I am not interested in communicating with him, unless it's him getting his hands off the wheel, so to speak. He'll make every attempt to take control and do cob knows what, and I'm not about to find out it'll be something that gets Fink killed again."

"...That's what happened with the first attempt. I know better than to trust him now. I'll do whatever I can to make sure his time spent is limited. I already avoid sleep - I'm sure he uses time I'm knocked out to try to get a transformation to happen. But it hinders him well enough, I think... So, I'll keep going in that direction."

He pauses, then, quietly- "Even... if it kills me..."

#noxious bite of a cornered snake(pv)#answer emails make calls(asks)#tw self neglect #tw suicidal idealation #ask to tag

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the-great-donatello · 1 year

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I don’t want to hurt any of you more then you already are! I drag you all enough into my messes you don’t have to be dragged into the emotional mess!! I wish you would just leave it at that but no! We have to bicker and fight just because you wont accept that I have my ways to dealing with it! I hate it and I hate myself and I hate how you wont let me be! I don’t want to drag you into the whirling storm that is that, you guys already put up with me so much! You put up with my jokes, my self-sacrificing, my pranks! You don’t need to put up with everything that lurks inside!! Its dark in there Donnie! And I don’t want— I don’t need anyone else trying to fix me, trying to make it better, trying to tolerate me!! I already know im the worst brother out of all of us and I don’t need you all knowing that and trying to pick me apart piece by piece trying to figure out how to help!! - @the-fabulous-neon-leon

We're not dealing with you, we're helping you! We're not doing this because we have to, we're doing it because we care! I don't want you to have to handle it alone! It's not putting up with you Leo, we hang out with you because we want to. We hang out with you because you're Leo. You're the best brother I could ever want! We don't care about you because of your abilities or because we're related, we care about you because of who you are. Even the parts of you that might hurt you or us.

#tw arguing #tw self neglect #tw self deprecation

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0trashyp0 · 1 year

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Feeling that urge to apologize for something that i had no control over. Feeling that they are mad at me. Even cvtting does not ease it. Why?Why do I feel that needs?Why i want to self sabotage again? Why does it keep getting bad again?

#ventcore #tw sh implied #tw self destructive behavior #tw self sabotage #tw self neglect #tw selfhate #self h@rm #cvtt1ng #suicudal

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marne-nu-jee-krda · 1 year

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atleast ths time, i didn't conciously cut myself. i just banged my outer wrist to the wall a few few times, but it wasn't satisfactory for a long time. i want those scars again. scars that would stay, not the pain that would fade away after a while, that would hurt yet wont leave a mark. that'd just be a waste of me ever feeling. I'd forget about it, and so will the world. i want those scars, to be the constant reminder to me, and to others of what they've all done to me. so that I'd never forget why i wanted to run away in the first place

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minecraftrelatedrandomness · 2 years

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since we appear to be discussing c!quackity's ambiguously self-neglecting disordered eating habits today, did you guys know that this was a thing even before the manburg arc? i mean, certainly, it happened during the manburg arc, but its roots might not be what some of us expect to be

#tw self neglect #<- arguable ptsd symptom. hm #cw trauma #dream smp #quackity #my post #21 september 2022 #tw eating disorder #???#also a possible symptom of depression. are we bringing up that ex!le clip tonight?#the great duckling hivemind #aqua analyzes c!quackity from the dsmp

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