#trying to be a positive influence in the world is so fucking tiring
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✨steddie ficlet: switchy energy, eddie tops then steve does, boys in love and filthy about it, face slapping, choking, religious imagery, daddy kink, breeding kink, pet play, brief reference to somnophilia, dacryphilia
eddie munson fucks like he’s reconciling with tragedy, has something septic and lethal clawing it’s way out of his ribs, and needs to beat the odds before doomsday arrives.
his touch is quick. hot. fervent and skimming—reading between the lines so he can drag steve straight to the end with him.
there is no sanctity about the beginning or middle. everything made there is a blur of sticky heat and noise. slicking off their writhing bodies like midsummer rain.
hipbones jagged. ink infecting every available inch of his skin. eddie’s thrusts are punishing. his moans knock the wind from steve’s lungs.
there is a rapid pulse, brief reprise, and the desperate need to be the concrete vessel for each other’s pain and pleasure.
slaps followed by a dirty kiss. gnawing lips. sucking marrow. red everywhere in the dim light of the room.
they dig their hearts out to present as gifts. small thanks for a lifetime of whatever this is. filthy. lovely. reciprocal confessions kept behind teeth.
they touch each other and the world is remade.
“daddy’s little toy,” eddie growls into steve’s ear; biting, licking, choking, and bruising as he grinds impossibly deeper into a place no one else has ever been, “gonna fuck you so dumb you forget your own name, baby. gonna fuck you so dumb, you only remember mine.”
it’s ravenous. starvation. pulling hair. salted tears. lighting matches. naked truth and a reckless fire that burns from within. annihilates everything in its path.
hand in hand; they break flesh only to repair it under the influence of divine creation.
body to body.
face to face.
heart to heart.
violet stains across their skin. graciously erasing the damages done by those who were too afraid to love them back.
“i love you. i’d kill for you.”
steve’s voice bubbles up to the surface like cheap jewelry tossed into the river at the conclusion of a tired romance.
“there’s a monster in you, isn’t there, baby boy?”
“yes,” steve utters like a devestatimg hymn, “and there’s one in you. in your heart. next to mine. vicious and beautiful.”
eddie’s strong. dominant. hands locked into place on steve’s slender waist like it’s life or death or something greater. beyond him. beyond them. hold tight or die trying.
“i love you and your violent teeth. i love you and your bitchy attitude—all the terrible extremes you’re capable of,” eddie’s breath hitches, but his hands never falter as he fucks him harder, “slap me hard, baby boy—fuck—i’m yours. make it so no one else ever wonders if they can have me.”
“they can’t,” steve whimpers brokenly as he slaps eddie across the face with the utmost adoration, “i’d ruin anyone who tried—fuck—you feel so good, daddy.”
when they switch positions, it’s steve’s knees failing to uphold their promise. collapsing face down into sweat, musk, the stained pillowcase, and abundant sensation.
trembling. shaking. pathetic.
drifting off into lust and want and worship.
babbling ‘more,’ ‘harder,’ ‘faster,’ ‘please, sir;’ like those are the only words he knows.
but, no matter how low he gets, no matter how far he slips—steve will not break.
eddie won’t let him.
eddie will sink his own ship, decimate the grounds, throw himself overboard, before he ever lets steve fade to black.
it’s a cruel love.
damned. perfect. edging sin and purity at the same time.
taking them to the brink and yanking the chain back at the final moment.
letting everything oxidize for longer than is ever necessary. torture. agony. young love.
poetry in the making.
“dumb puppy,” eddie berates, grazing a soothing hand over steve’s reddened ass—spanked ruthlessly by the man he loves, “rutt against the bed—rub yourself raw. that’s it—good boy. perfect boy. best boy for daddy. like you dirty. like you messy. so pretty.”
eddie pours salt into steve’s wounds, laughs giddily at his groans, licks them clean. starts again. pretends.
kisses scars and smirks as he bites down on the constellations covering steve’s back.
breaking apart the universe in his mouth like a confectionary gobstopper. shattered into shrapnel. slack at the tease of thick fingers wrapping around his throat.
nothing will ever be the same and he likes it that way.
“daddy, ‘s so good—wanna be your slut forever. would let you use me in my sleep—trust you—love you—need you—“
steve sobs into damp sheets. fucks his ass back onto eddie’s cock. tastes heat and pennies and holy worship on his lolling tongue.
brave boy takes whatever’s given to him. a beating, fist in his ass, teeth to his jugular, cock spurting load after load into his puffy hole. accepts it all with thanks and gratitude and brown eyes as dark and muse-worthy as the midnight sky.
“cumming inside you, pup. gonna fill you until your tummy’s fat and pregnant. gonna make it take this time. promise.”
eddie links their pinkies next to steve’s head on the mattress—the old thing creaks. smacks into the wall. calls out to neighbors and friends and pedestrians that this is where love is being born and made.
raw. wet. obscene and borderline criminal if you were to walk in at precisely the wrong moment.
make no mistake.
this is heaven. this is where they belong.
paradisium. the end all be all. nothing compares. rose colored glasses stay on for the show and ever after. they are blind to any other possibility. bravely human in the midst of something distinctly wild.
“i’m a mommy,” steve laughs deliriously when eddie cums with a roaring moan and a chorus of sweet declarations to his boy, “i’m a mommy. mommy. mommy. gonna get all round so quick—everyone’s gonna know. i’m gonna be beautiful.”
when steve cums it’s quieter. tangled up in innocent delusion and blushing fantasy—he sees stars in the familiar trap of eddie’s fist. stroking. bleating. aching as his balls tighten up and his head feels featherlight as if full of gossamer fabric.
release is near silent. choked out. eddie laps at his stomach in the aftermath. dips the tip of his tongue in his bellybutton. sparks tears of joy and sighs into his neck where he nuzzles and praises the love of his life for every good deed he’s ever done.
and the bad ones, too.
in the bath.
later.
they share dreams. touch for a second time. slow and easy. fingers caressing tender spots and pushing love into each other where it’s needed.
steve with his legs spread wide. eddie moving up and down with a gentle rhythm. rocking his hips to the beat of steve harrington’s golden heart. spit. bubbles. cum. water that finally runs cold.
“i wish i could live inside you,” eddie whispers when it’s over.
“you already do.”
thank you for reading !! please feel free to live feedback, pop into my inbox with your thoughts, or comment here (it always brightens my day to read through 💛)
taglist (message me to be added or removed at any time <3): @estrellami-1 @disastardly @ilovecupcakesandtea @the-redthread @asbealthgn @bestofbucky @vampireinthesun @carlyv @shrimply-a-menace @lordrrascal @jjoesjonas @malachitedevil @anxiouseds @gay-little-bitch @jhrc666 @pinkdaisies1998 @mcneen @perseus-notjackson @eiddets @corroded-coffin-groupie @three-possums-playing-human @stevesbipanic @plutoshelm @arkenstoned @indiearr @they-reap-what-we-sow @gleek4twd @bunnyweasley23 @livingoutload @a-little-unsteddie @novelnovella @rugbertgoeshome @neverlandwaitingforme @anglhrts @swiss-cheeze @livsters @messrs-weasley
#steddie#steddie ficlet#steddie brainrot#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve x eddie#fruity four#stranger things#steve harrington/eddie munson#eddie x steve#steddie fic recs#steddie writers#steddie writer#steddie excerpt#steddie wip#steddie ao3#ao3 writers#steddie my beloved#steddie fanfiction#steddie fic#ao3 steddie fics
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Women don’t care anymore… A lengthy blog
Women have been suffering a lot since the beginning all because of these shitty men which caused them to end up in depressed state, having PTSDs, feeling suicidal and literally becoming the victims of femicide.
But there had never been a podcast or a youtube channel created by these so called alpha males discussing that issue and warning women of the consequences they would have to face if they end up marrying a toxic man. Instead, all these men would make memes and laugh at women being oppressed for centuries.
Now suddenly when women are choosing to be single and childfree, there are numerous podcasts with illiterate empty-heads sitting behind mics they probably bought with the money they stole from their mom’s purse, desperately trying to convince us how we’re gonna end up miserable and lonely with cats if we don’t settle.
Not just that! They’re also paying a shit load of money to these hypocrite girls with no dignity and self-respect for making benevolently sexist content like how being an independent woman is toxic, capitalist and a life full of struggle to scare this new generation of girls away from being self-reliant.
Every time women stepped one foot ahead. Men came up with new cunning strategies to push them ten feet behind. They always try so hard to keep the patriarchy safe and unimpaired. However, this time none of their tactics are working.
Women are no more believing their crap. Not just because we’re tired of constantly being manipulated by these satanic creatures but also because we are highly educated now and we understand men and their nature unlike the majority of women who came before us. Even the young trad-wife influencers they’re using to spread their propaganda are self-dependent lol.
We are not dumb. We know that if living as a celibate would make us depressed, men would be making lame jokes about it on reddit and twitter and jerking off on the thought of a woman with no husband, children and sexual relations. Just think about it! Since when did men care so much about us that they’re hopping on podcast channels every hour of every day crying because of OUR depression????
It’s not because we’re gonna be lonely and miserable with cats. It’s because they’re ending up in that situation. They’re ending up taking their own lives. Their energies are so negative that even cats are running away from them. That’s how bad it’s getting for them. And they’re scared. Men, by nature, cannot survive without women. They had constantly been feeding their egos by being evil misogynists.
When you feed your ego, you starve your soul. A soulless creature is, spiritually, vibrating on such a low frequency that they start dwelling in disgustingly negative energy which makes them mentally sick and emotionally unstable. This is why these men need women as we tend to have higher levels of spiritual maturity which makes our energy positive. Men crave that energy.
When you interact with somebody with negative energy; verbally, sexually or even just through social media, you exchange energies with them. Their negative energy comes to you and your positive energy gets taken away by them. That’s what men want from women. It’s not just because they want domestic slaves that they need us so bad. They need us to feed their souls so they could feel alive and fulfilled.
But the thing is, we don’t need men. Because unlike them we didn’t waste our energies being complete egoistic retards. We have been taking care of our souls, consciously and subconsciously. We are women. We can live without men. Even if they all would disappear from this world all of a sudden, we would live — we would be living much better lives.
And most of us know that! This is why we don’t give a flying fuck about male loneliness epidemic. It’s the karma hitting them back for being evil creatures all their lives. Marriage rates and birth rates are falling rapidly and divorce rates are rising. And with that male depression rate is increasing as well.
But we don’t have to care! We girlies are happy being single, independent, enjoying our own company and having no burden of dusty men-kids on our shoulder. It makes us more successful and fulfilled. And no way in hell we would ever waste our energy on healing these cartoons. They can stay miserable.
And girls, don’t think that men will surrender after this. They’re men. They’re gonna go above and beyond to save the patriarchy and to save themselves. Just yesterday they started this red pill content. Today they have started this lame ass men’s rights’ movement blaming women for their misery. Tomorrow they could be protesting on streets, barking at women for not healing their wounded energies. Day after tomorrow, someone would start another religion saying he received a revelation in his dream from the lord that single women will burn in hell.
But let them whine and complain as much as they want. Just do not ever take them seriously. Ignore and do your own thing. Nothing had ever been seem to weaken the patriarchy like how female separatism seems to do. Men are crying for their so called rights now and we are literally not giving a damn about it.
Oh look how the tables have turned!
#radblr#radical feminism#radical feminist community#radical feminist safe#feminism#radical feminist#women#spirituality
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This is all just a way too long personal theory/ramble abt the boi if u disagree that ok
Tldr I believe pre-Caz Astarion is a young asshole who is punished with a job he doesn't take seriously, and his noble parents don't respect him enough to see how much of a good person he could be given a proper chance at redemption and it all goes to shit, naturally.
Long version:
I see few years pre-Cazador Astarion as that asshole teenager who's getting away with everything. He's used to being told that he's handsome, rich, and above others. He's getting away with things, he's spoiled, and has no experience of the world. Especially work experience.
My theory is that Astarion was forced into the magistrate job as a punishment and just didn't give enough of a fuck about the world to take the job seriously, as opposed to consciously being malicious/evil. He is power hungry in the game, half as a response to being powerless for 200 years. That being said:
He's a rogue, through and through. It's implied a lot including with the "I've missed this" line that he wasn't a proper and polite city boy before Cazador. I don't see him doing paperwork or sitting next to a large fancy dinner table without screwing around with a dagger. He slouches. He has his feet on the table. He's a nerd.
If you call The Watch in the final battle, he jokes that it feels wrong to call for guards to come and do something. He's not a snitch. If he sees someone stealing from a sick person he gives a thumbs up. He canonically hates cops lol.
Leading to my theory that he was being so rambunctious and belligerent, his noble parents/elders forced him into the magistrate job as a punishment of sorts because they were just so sick of his bullshit. Just rich people things.
So now:
You have a handsome young elf, with people probably fawning over his beauty, known for breaking laws and being The Worst, not respecting authority and etc. And he's put into a magistrate position through presumably nepotism. He becomes one of those asshole sons of a rich bastard who is a fuck up. Rich, spoiled, knows that he's above others which influences his haphazard rulings and provides him a nice power trip, has a bit of education but not enough to not steal from grandmas.*1
Of course it's going to be a glorious mess! He doesn't care about the world enough to take a stand and try to change the corrupt system from within. Fuck that. He's going to make it worse. Who cares. If there was any good in him, at best it was maybe because he knew it's already fucked and he's not there to be a hero and fix it.
It makes sense that he would double down on the "evil" once freed from Cazador in Act 1. He's used to everything going south because - ironically enough - of the world's failure to do anything good for the helpless and weak. Without realizing that he was also part of the problem once. Hell. He got beaten up by Gur for a ruling he made and his takeaway was "all Gur are bad" and not Baldur's Gate fucking SUCKS and something should be done. No seriously. The politics of the city and the ruling systems are so fucking broken. Bhaal the god of MURDER LITERALLY LIVES UNDERNEATH THE CITY. What is WRONG with this town.
Either way, I don't believe he was consciously and maliciously an evil person. Especially given the scale of evil the city of Baldur's Gate has to offer. If he was, he would have been much worse. He was corrupt in a shithead way and not "we're going to take resources from orphanages to build a machine that punches you in the dick when you tell your boss you are too tired to work overtime in the mines" *2 *3
I also think that he was the reason why Cazador implemented the "no nobles lol that raises suspicion" rule. And the reason why no one of Astarion's family recognized him was because they were too snobby for Elfsong or Blushing Mermaid.
I think his parents still loved him though.
Clarification station under read more
*1. (I guess this does fall under some people's definition of evil, but for me honestly the true evil is the system which allows these people fall into power in the first place and in this essay---.)
*2. (Actions of negligent people in power aren't diminished. If negligence causes a death it is still a death.)
*3. (I don't think he was a young baby either, like a lot of fandom does. He was still young when he was turned but not a teenager. I just believe he was even younger when he started working as a Magistrate. Like on a personal note, it was really heartbreaking when Billy Kametz died because he died so horrifically young. He was 35. 35 is still heartbreaking young.)
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The thing about postcanon Dirk/Rose is that Ult Dirk needs Rose way, way more than Rose needs him. Dirk is trying desperately to convince himself, and us, and Rose, that Rose is in the same position he is. But she isn't, and I think on some level Dirk knows it.
This line really struck me in my Epilogues reread:
Kanaya loves Rose, but sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes what you need is understanding.
Because, the thing is, this line isn't really about Kanaya and Rose. It's about Jake and Dirk. And it becomes obvious when compared with another line from later on where Dirk talks about his relationship with Rose:
We’re family. We belong together. And after years of micromanaging the inconsistent and confused desires of total imbeciles, wouldn’t it be a relief to have someone by my side who understood me?
So here's what I think is going on. Dirk feels desperately, desperately alone. His ascension to Ultimate Self-hood is making him aware of all sorts of dire shit. He's becoming aware of his status as a fictional character and the tenuous position of the "canon" he's from. He's "drowning in his own dismal persona", as he once put it in canon. And no one fucking gets it, least of all the man he loves.
Because it's clear that Jake could never, ever understand what Dirk is going through. He does not understand Dirk. Will not understand Dirk. Willfully chooses to avoid understanding Dirk at every turn. And Dirk is so, so tired of it.
And then Dirk starts to get to know Rose better, and… they just click. They truly are kindred spirits in many ways. They have similar senses of humor, similar interests, similar ways of viewing the world. And most importantly, Rose is ascending too. She will soon be in a position to understand what's going on at the same level Dirk does. She'll be able to understand him. And Dirk needs understanding so desperately.
But there's a problem, and that problem is that, while Dirk feels that he doesn't have anyone else who can understand him, the same isn't true for Rose. Because Kanaya does understand her. Maybe not completely. Maybe she'll never fully be able to grasp the metaphysical implications of Rose's ascension. But, importantly, she tries to understand, in a way Jake would never do for Dirk.
And so Dirk knows that, in order for his plan to work, in order to convince Rose to come with him, he has to prevent Kanaya from getting to her at all costs. Because no matter how much he tries to tell himself that Rose would feel the same way he does even without his influence, he knows that if Rose had to choose between him and Kanaya, she would choose Kanaya in a heartbeat.
So he prevents Kanaya from reaching Rose, manipulates Kanaya into telling Rose that she should leave her and go with Dirk. And he suborns Rose's will into his own. He does everything he can to make her part of him. Because in the end, the only way Dirk Strider can understand to not be alone is to gaze at himself in the mirror.
I'll leave you with a quote from Candy:
ROSE: There’s no one who understands me like you, Kanaya. No one who looks at me the way you do. No one who brings me back down to earth with ceaseless, brutal honestly like you.
ROSE: I have no idea what’d I’d do without you.
KANAYA: You Would Probably Do Just Fine
ROSE: Yes, but I’d be very unhappy.
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VOCALOID MAX LORE JUMPSCARE
this is. A long one
(ALSO shoutout to @impostorwhipplesshow for imspiring lil bits of this like them not understanding each other well at first fkjgjkc)
The day Max came to life wasnt actually the day he left the computer. One night, Sam accidentally left his computer on, and somehow dreamt of him meeting his creation, Max (who was for some reason holding a big fish) in a beach, talking about meeting someday (the contents of the dream actually dont matter its all a tako luka maguro fever reference lmao).
When he woke up, Sam figured his dream was influenced because some lines generated by Max's voice bank started playing at night when his computer was on (i dont. Actually know how the program works and most of this is inspired by whipples ideas so lets pretend this makes sense.)
But its weird, because Sam doesn't remember making Max say any of the lines on the screen. That's because Max's first glimps of conscience were through his voicebank, and he was trying to talk to Sam.
This went on for a few days, until Max got ahold of his 3d model for MVs. First by putting himself in random positions Sam didn't make or making objects trying to talk to or showing them to Sam and finally sorta like. Animating himself. Like he could move all by himself.
At this point Sam is FREAKED OUT and almost punches his computer but Max really nervous tries to tell him to stop through another generated line. Sam stops but doesn't understand Max cuz he's not fluent in japanese so he gives him some time to communicate through objects, models and body language, until Sam makes him another voicebank for him to speak english and understand him better.
This works and now they understand each other more easily, but there's two problems: sam doesn't know how the FUCK max came to life, and max's voice still sounds a bit stilty and robotic, so he has trouble understanding him sometimes.
Sam tries to make a new one to expariment with it, but he somehow can't make it, like the program would just glitch it so bad it doesn't work. The same happens when he tries to make Max a different 3d model, so he's stuck with those two he has. Still they have no problems with that and Sam tries to tweak his current voicebank over the time.
At some point, Max gets tired of being inside the computer all the time, just waiting for Sam to get back home from wherever he goes or waiting for him to make him a new stage for a song. He really likes Sam overall, and feels like he wants to hang out with him more, what with him being his creator and all, and he wants to be more than a character and a voice to him.
One night, after Sam forgetting to turn off his computer again, Max tries his best to push himself outside the computer, and by some miracle, don't ask me how, he actually does! He's in the real world! He tries not to freak out bcuz Sam is asleep, but he's really damn excited for that. Everything has different textures, he hears so many new things other than music, it's all exciting for him!
Sam has a heart attack when he wakes up
#i first sent this in the freelance discord thingie so some of a mutuals may have seen this already#i aint typing allat#demi talks i guess#sam and max#sam and max au#vocaloid max au
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Hey y'all, been a bit and I figured it's a good idea for a little bit of a reintroduction since I did a username update lol. My name is Jo, I'm 24 (I'll be 25 in August) and I use she/her pronouns. Most folks here probably knew me as fickedup, but I've gotten tired of that as my brand over the last couple years so it's time for something new!
I've been pretty quiet for a bit here, but that's mostly because the world has been.... tough over the last few years. I've taken some time to really try and know myself better. I spent a year living in Memphis, then moved back home and started going to university where I currently am. A pretty major perk of being at college is I've been able to get free therapy, and through that came to the realization that I'm trans! I'm lucky enough to have my first HRT appointment in a couple weeks, and I'm really happy to be able to be my true self. I'm excited to enter into this new phase of my life, and I'm glad I get to share it with y'all on here!
I don't know if it ever really got brought up publicly here, but I used to be a real shitty person before I found Tumblr (and especially the MtG community) ((@bace-jeleren and @shunthehexmage were both a pretty big influence on me and continue to be, I owe a lot to them both)). I'm really greatful for everyone who took their time to be patient with me and help me understand things that I never had been exposed to before. if it wasn't for y'all I likely would have never been able to take the steps I have and get to feel like, well, a real person. I love y'all. Keep sharing that kindness as best as you can, it makes a world of difference. Even if you can't see it right away.
A special tag also goes out to @flavoracle for always being a beacon of positivity and understanding even as they have dealt with their own struggles, discoveries, and revelations. It has meant a lot to see that sort of growth, honesty, and hope. I don't know if my path on Tumblr would have been nearly as positive without their presence on here.
I'm going to try to be more active on here, even if I'm just shouting into the void. Feel free to reach out to me to chat or anything like that, can't promise I'll be prompt (college is a lot of work lol) but I'll do my best <3
(oh also, please, if I could request that y'all be patient with me and give me the benefit of the doubt, I know that's a lot to ask these days but I'm very new to a lot of this and spent the majority of my life in a very conservative area with a very sheltered upbringing, I'm doing the best I can and I am absolutely going to fuck things up. Just know that I'm genuinely trying and will always be willing to take good faith criticism)
#okay now for my trademark#talking in the tags lmao#for real tho#yall mean a lot to me#tumblr genuinely changed my life for the better in such a major way#i am so so glad i got to meet such wonderful people during such a rough period in my life#<3#personal#trans rights#transgirl
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19/2/21 Notes from my diary?
I want to love. I want to love someone. No, I’m not desperate, it’s just I want someone so hard like it’s stopping me from functioning as a person. I do realize that at the core of this lies the reason that is I want someone who tells me how they truly feel about me, someone who likes me and I can like them back, someone I can be honest with, someone who sees me for who I am and doesn’t adjust with/ endure my presence rather who celebrates it and loves it and someone who wants to spend time with me, someone who is not embarrassed of me. Like literally fucking love I guess idk shit about it anyways. I want someone who loves me like Patroclus loves Achilles, someone who loves me like 1D fans love the band, or someone who loves me like Patrick loves David or how Ted loves Alexis. I can’t fathom the feeling when I hear songs about heartbreak or love, because I can relate to them but not, like its confusing cause I’ve never been in such a situation. Sometimes I feel like I’m sick of myself, I’m tired, sickly, useless, worthless and honestly, I’m just a speck of dust in the universe waiting to mysteriously disappear. Like my presence or absence won’t affect anyone like if you remove me from an equation, it still remains the same, it isn’t altered or progressed or anything. And no, I think that self-worth/confidence is something made up to basically feel better about yourselves. Like, my problem is kind of like, eh, there are two peaks, overconfidence and underconfidence?? So, like, most people, that I know of, seem to exist in-between or like, it’s basically a spectrum for them. I find it impossible to exist in-between, though I of all people should know better given the fact that I was average in every single fucking thing in my entire time spent here, I can’t. So when given the option, I opt for the extremes. And overconfidence is just ego, pride and all that shit and I know that once I get into it, I can’t control myself from messing things up (not intentionally) whereas with underconfidence, there is no risk involved and I just shrivel into a ball in the corner and float away, not into a world of my own but a world where everyone exists and I just don’t.
Like, not killing myself or something but like my non-existence would be the happiest thing that will have ever happened to anyone. Sometimes my mind tells me to eat too much of something, be it food or medicine or sometimes I like to light tiny stuff on fire and smell the gases released. I feel like I’m not me. My face is not mine neither is my body. My face looks like that of someone who is mean or the ‘bad’ type or the ‘boastful’ type and its hard for me to conform to that notion. I want to love my body, I want to learn to love my body but I can’t, it’s like a shield is stopping me from passing through. I just want to confirm that this ‘rant’ isn’t due to the fact that I’m having my periods right now but rather a locked or an unknown cave or a dungeon being discovered. I read books, watch movies, listen to songs, where people, people like me, fall in love, go through stuff and I want to be there, in that position, experiencing the things they do, because honestly, my entire life and not to forget, my existence, feels like a complete lie, made up to satisfy a role like that of a tree or rock in school plays. I honestly wish that I don’t deserve all these good things, good people and kind stuff. Like I deserve to be pushed off a fucking cliff for not contributing to the development of humanity. I can’t think on my own. All I do is assimilate stuff and I keep copying others’ behaviors and habits and try to find or complete me as a person. Like, I’m not kidding, every single aspect of my behavior and personality is widely influenced, more like counterfeited from people I know or people I met. I can’t even differentiate or side with stuff and I get influenced by every single person I talk to and I pick up their behavior or habit. For instance, if you’re reading this you would’ve noticed that I used the word ‘like’ frequently. I picked it up from a person. And when I text, I always start with lowercase, again, picked it from a person; my hair, my clothes, and every fucking thing about me, except my physiology, gender and sexuality, I picked it from a person. The lack of originality makes me aghast and amuses me like why am I this human who is never original. Like the only ‘original’ thing I did was probably right this shit as an essay and like I (sighs), can’t deal with it right now. I’m going to sleep, i.e., lie on the bed, shut my eyes, try not to hurt/harm myself and others, thinking about pretty girls and wlw songs and try to have a dream where I date a girl.
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I do occasionally enjoy Bari Weiss’ episodes but she is such a fucking idiot sometimes lol and maybe I’m just that aggressive about it bc I really hate the whole “America must be the world police bc it’s better than China or Russia”
she interviewed RFK Jr last summer and I was listening again to remind myself why I found their foreign policy disagreement frustrating. and RFK basically was like we need to roll back on the military ventures bc we can’t sustain it and we are making enemies all over the world. and she strongly disagreed bc of the big boogey man China and listed their imperialism of Africa. but left out the why behind that imperialism. and unfortunately the why does matter bc it gives context to the different strategies the US and China are using to empower themselves.
China is not a perfect government by any means. I take issue with their Belt and Road Initiative among other things but they are flexing their economic strength. and they are proving that the US hegemony of protecting multinational corporations is not the only system that nations have to opt into (though China cares about China above all, I don’t see them as freeing anybody. obviously that’s not their interest). the sanctions enacted on Russia and this pressure of isolating them financially has not stopped or significantly weakened Russia bc China and other countries outside of the West will still trade with Russia bc they probably are not interested in picking sides in this proxy war. so that shows that economic punishment by the West can be undermined which I’m sure is opening some eyes on how the world power is shifting.
and the fear of the US government is that China (and Russia is usually grouped in too) is becoming the alternative power that is accessing ports in the Caribbean and in Asia so now there’s enacted plans to expand our military in the pacific in case China becomes too powerful. I don’t think China wants to go to war with us though... I think based on the infrastructure projects and the mining in Africa, they’re wanting to lead in technological advancements and manufacturing but they need the natural resources bc that’s what is needed in a fuck ton of stuff now (Russia has some dealings with some African nations as well but that seems more for strengthening ties to gain allies outside of the West and trading weapons and natural resources).
if the Chinese make a ton of shit then anyone who doesn’t make that shit is beholden to them when they need it. that’s power too. along with indebting countries to you and then gaining access to ports for trade and military purposes (bc the US keeps trying to flex militarily) and also possibly gaining political power by potentially influencing politics in these developing countries’ governments. I don’t believe economic power is necessarily weaker than military power and the two global powers seem to be fighting different battles. or the US is fighting a different battle than China.
and I’m sure at first glance for countries tired of US military presence (with our what…800 or so bases worldwide), China’s massive economic “funding” is more appealing. even with smaller countries, they don’t want to choose between China or the US. they want to ally with the US for protection but prefer China when it comes to economic deals. both are bad lol but my point is this world police position (that isn’t even about protecting US citizens or democracy) seems to be weakening and it is wise not to lean into military ventures. but I know Trump and Biden both don’t see this as an option so.
also how callous and ignorant of US imperialist history do you have to be. the various countries that the US has attacked and invaded remember what our government and military did to them. the annexations, the regime changes, the carpet bombing. the legacy of the US military and superpower status should not be a shining light or explained away as “protecting national security.” we are honestly so lucky that we haven’t been invaded by anyone at this point.
#rambling bc I can’t talk to people about this irl#still forming my overall opinion but I’m set on the belief that America being a superpower as some world safety measure is bullshite
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Ice Cube - AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted
After leaving NWA Ice Cube only got angrier about systemic injustice. He's more specific in calling out institutional racism and takes a strong stance against assimilationist attitudes in the black community. It's not all dour though, A Gangsta's Fairytale is pure camp and It's A Man's World get guest rapper Yo-Yo to trade sexist barbs back and forth. Ok that one might not actually age that well, but I do love when rappers get a guest on their album just so they can roast each other. The beats are similar to NWA fare but funkier and faster. There are moments where a bit of drum and bass influence peeks through. They are overall more intense and they are the perfect match to Cube's intense stacatto. Overall AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted is a little less focused than his 92 masterpiece The Predator, but is still an essential piece of hip hop.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik
What a tragic joke of a band. You have an incredibly talented group of musicians who just suck ass at actually writing songs. I think that if John Frusciante and Flea made and instrumental funk album that was not produced Rick fucking Rubin that would kick ass. As it stands Blood Sugar Sex Magic's positives are buried under garbage songwriting and garbage production. The end result is just the soundtrack to a montage of frat house sexual assaults.
The Rolling Stones - Beggar's Banquet
After the complete shit show that was Their Satanic Majesties Request the Stones ditched the halfhearted psychedelic thing and returned to their roots. Beggar's Banquet is an album that is so rooted in an authentic country and blues sound that it would be impossible to tell that these guys are from London if you didn't already know. They hit a campy country twang, a raging blue rock, and a soulful gospel with apparent ease. It's a strong contender for best Stones album.
Cyndi Lauper - She's So Unusual
Check out this quirked up white girl. C'mon that's the vibe she's trying to project right? And she's fucking good at it. From the bubbly feminism of Girl Just Want To Have Fun to the classic masturbation anthem She Bop Lauper maintains a fun quirky atmosphere that is only broken up by the one well placed ballad, Time After Time.
D'Angelo - Brown Sugar
A bit of funk, a lot of soul, and a sprinkling of hip hop and D'Angelo managed to innovate a new sound on his debut album. The entire neo soul movement basically spawns from this album and it's easy to see why it had imitators. Literally everything about this album is buttery smooth, it easy to listen to and the vocals are superb. It's a bit samey though. Most songs are interchangeable love ballads that are individually great, but don't make for very dynamic listening when all put end to end. Thankfully the album doesn't go on forever like a lot of its imitators would so it doesn't tire you out, but it doesn't hold on to you either. Still it is very beloved and I'll admit that this just isn't my genre. For what it's worth I think D'Angelo gets better with ever album leading to the true masterpiece that is Black Messiah, which I've already reviewed here.
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only when you're high - rafe cameron
word count: 4.3k
summary: Rafe only ever talks to you when he's high, and you've eventually had enough.
warnings: angst i guess, language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, lil makeout sesh at the end
note: ik this isn't the request but i've been working on this for a while so here ya go <3 this is def not my best writing so dont judge it too harshly
3:53 a.m.
You had been dreaming about your cat taking over a world full of people with fish heads when the incessant ringing from your phone jolted you awake. You blindly flung your hand onto the nightstand, knocking over a half empty water bottle and a bottle of ibuprofen before your fingers grazed the cool screen. You picked up the device, nearly blinding yourself when you opened your eyes to see who was calling you at such an ungodly hour. Once your eyes adjusted to the screen’s brightness, the name ‘Stupid Kook’ was displayed across the top. You hesitantly swiped to answer.
“What in the flying fuck do you want,” You whisper yelled, propping your half-conscious body up with your elbow.
“Hey, baby,” He greeted, his voice dragging as if he was thinking too hard about his words. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”
You stopped breathing for a moment, not sure what you were supposed to say to his weird revelation. You had been having a weird thing with Rafe for a few months now. After many drinks, you would often finding yourself making out with him in a secluded area. Despite your random make out sessions, he had never once called you to simply hear your voice. In fact, he hadn’t even called you before. It was usually always a quick ‘wyd’ text at midnight and nothing more.
“That’s weird, you’ve never called me before,” You pointed out, “You’ve also never called me baby before, so what’s that about?”
“Mm, I don’t know. Always wanted to call you that before so why not? What are you up to, baby,” He asked, his words slurring together in a way that could only happen while under the influence.
“You’re high aren’t you,” You sighed. Of course, he was high. You should have known that from the get-go. Rafe Cameron wouldn’t have called you sober; he never even looked at you sober.
A brief silence hung over the line, Rafe’s heavy breathing being the only thing coming through the receiver. “Maybe a little. Had a rough day, so I went to see Barry and now I’m at Topper’s. Talking to you.”
You couldn’t help but let a small smile grace your features; a smile that was gone almost as soon as it came. You let your elbow fall from its position, your head falling back onto the pillow that was still warm from when you were asleep. “How sweet of you. What are you doing, anyways? Shouldn’t you be getting shitfaced and taking some innocent girl to bed?”
He let out an airy laugh before speaking. “The only one I’d like to take to bed is you, and we somehow always stop before it gets to that point. Anyways, it’s just me, Topper, and Kelce, and I started thinking about us in the back of my truck when we were outside. Before I knew what I was doing, you answered the phone.”
Your cheeks flared red as images of Rafe’s hands exploring your body flashed through your mind, the feeling of his ring on your skin igniting something inside of you. His mouth latching onto the sensitive spots of your neck as your moans filled his truck. You let your fingers ghost over your lips as if you could still feel his own on yours. More memories of him exploring your body in every way but the way you wanted him most were running through your mind. Every time you wanted to give in to him, give in to your urges, but you couldn’t.
“You know, I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want you and I hate it,” He started, his words still slow, “I hate it because you’ll never let me have you.”
“Rafe,” You groaned, running a hand over your tired face, “I don’t really feel like giving myself to someone who only talks to me when they’re drunk or high. Someone who would rather be caught dead than with a pouge.”
“You know it’s not like that, baby. It’s complicated,” He tried, and you could tell there was a hint of unfamiliar panic in his voice.
“It always is. Guess I’ll see or talk to you next time you get fucked up. Goodnight Rafe,” You whispered before hanging up on the boy, ignoring his desperate protests.
1:38 a.m.
You turned the shower water off before stepping out onto the cool tiled floor, water dripping from every part of your body. You chose to ignore the buzzing coming from your phone, moving to grab the towel hung on the back of your bathroom door. However, the buzzing started again as you were drying off your legs.
“Who the fuck,” You groaned as you wrapped the towel around your still wet body. ‘Stupid Kook’ was making a second appearance, much to your surprise. “Yes, Rafe?”
“What’s up your ass,” He laughed his infectious laugh. You could picture him throwing his head back and his glazed over eyes twinkling with amusement, something you had only seen when you found yourself admiring him from afar.
“Nothings up my ass. Just don’t know what your high ass wants this time.” You gripped your phone in your hand and started to walk back towards your room. Your parents had fallen asleep hours ago, so you had to make sure you were quiet. However, that deemed difficult in the darkest hours of the night in your already poorly lit house. You bumped your hip and stubbed your toe on just about anything that was out in the open. Once you were in your room, you hastily shut the door and flipped the light switch on.
“Hello! Hello! Hello! Where are you,” Rafe yelled, making you wince and pull the phone away from your ear.
“Jesus, dude. Calm down, I was walking back to my room,” You chastised, doing your best to hold your phone in between your ear and shoulder.
“What were you doing? I missed you,” He pouted.
You ignored the swelling you got in your heart and said, “I was leaving the bathroom. I just finished showering. What are you doing?”
You grabbed a clean pair of underwear and a shirt you had taken from JJ after you had thrown up over whatever you were wearing that night. Rafe began telling you what he was doing, which was quite literally nothing. However, he quickly dove into a spout of how you were naked and wet and how badly he wanted to see you without any clothes on. Your cheeks were burning as he went on and on about all of the sinful things he wanted to do to you. You let him ramble on a bit more as you turned the light off once you were clothed and ready for bed.
“Okay, that’s enough, Rafe,” You stopped him, pulling your blanket back so you could crawl in bed. “So, calling me two times within a week? You falling in love with me?”
It was so painfully obvious that it was a joke, but you could practically feel the tension radiating through your phone from Rafe’s end. His abrupt silence concerned you because this boy was far from silent when he was doped out.
“Maybe I am,” He finally got out, and you couldn’t detect any sarcasm in it.
“Sure you are,” You rolled your eyes, blaming exhaustion for briefly clouding your judgment, “If you were in love with me, you’d actually talk to me when you aren’t too fucked to remember your own name.”
You started picking at a loose thread on your blanket as you let your mind wander to what life would be life if you had an actual relationship with Rafe. Going to parties with him. Hanging around the Island Club with him and his friends. Him doing lines off your body before having his way with you.
“I will talk to you when I’m not high,” His voice broke you from your thoughts, “If that’s what you really want.”
“I do,” You said way too quickly, “I mean, yeah sure. That would be nice, I guess.”
“Just text me and I’ll answer.” You couldn’t stifle the yawn that escaped your lips, but you did try and hide it from Rafe. Your attempt was no good, though. “You’re tired, go to bed.”
“No, I’m fi-.”
“Goodnight, Y/N,” Rafe shouted over you, “Talk to you soon, baby.”
Rafe’s name popped up on your phone screen every few days after he had gotten drunk out of his mind or too high to do anything other than find your contact. You didn’t mind it at first, but after you had texted him during the day and those messages went unanswered, you grew hurt and annoyed. You had tried asking him why he wouldn’t respond, but he always found a way to change the subject. You wanted to ask him about it in person, but you hadn’t seen him in almost a month. You wanted to ask him why he couldn’t bother to pick up the phone when he was sober, but wasted no time in calling you as soon as he got his bump in.
One of the nights he called, you offered to have him come over because your parents were gone, but he said no. Made up some excuse about how he was staying with Topper for a while since Sarah cheated on him and he wanted to be there for his friend. You understood that, so you didn’t push him after that. Then, the next time you told him about a party everyone was going to and how you wanted to see him there. You even told him to bring the other two. That time he told you he was staying away from parties for a while, wanting to stay to himself for the most part due to the constant stress from his dad. You knew how Ward could be sometimes, so it wasn’t hard to believe him and move on from there.
You wanted to be mad to him for only acknowledging you when he was high, but you couldn’t be. You’ve always wanted to feel wanted by somebody, and he made you feel like that albeit only when he was far gone from reality. You could deal with it as long as you got to talk to him, no matter how insecure it made you. Well, you thought you could.
2:25
Your parents were gone for the night, so you opted to watch Marvel movies in the living room. You were so invested in watching Iron Man and shoving popcorn in your mouth that you didn’t feel your phone go off the first six times. Or the fifteen times after that. Not that you would have cared either way. You knew the only person it could be was the boy who never wanted you sober. The credits began rolling across the TV, so you finally decided to pick up your discarded phone. You were shocked to see Rafe had called you eight times and texted you thirteen. Overall, his texts said the same thing.
Why aren’t u answering me :(
Call me pls
I wanna talk to you baby
It was if he knew you were finally looking at your phone because his contact popped up not ten seconds later. You rolled your eyes, but reluctantly answered.
“Y/N! Where have you been,” He whined into the receiver, “I’ve been trying to call you for like two hours.”
“Watching movies,” Your words were sharp and short, not particularly wanting to talk to him right now. You’ve nearly reached your breaking point with him.
Rafe could immediately tell something was off with you by the way you sounded. “What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay?”
You took a deep breath in, setting your bowl of popcorn on the coffee table after you paused the end credit scene. You leaned forwards and planted your elbow on your knee as you held your head in annoyance.
“I’m fine, Rafe. I’m just getting fed up with you only wanting to talk to me when you’re high or drunk,” You started, “I used to be fine with it because it once every couple of weeks, but now it’s almost every day and it’s annoying. You told me to text you when you’re sober, and I did, but you never responded. I try and offer to come over to you or have you come to me, but you always have an excuse. I know you want to be there for Topper and you don’t really want to be around anyone right now, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with it.”
“Y/N, I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just-It’s complicated. Please understand that,” He was practically begging you to listen to him.
“Rafey, are you coming back to play beer pong with us,” A female voice suddenly cut through the sudden sound of music.
Your breathing stopped and your heart felt like it was being squeezed by Rafe’s own hand. A wave of heartbreak crashed over your entire body. “‘I just don’t want to be around anyone’ huh? Thought you were just spending time with Topper for a while? You know, if you didn’t want to see me, all you had to do was say so,” You whimpered, hurt now mixing with your anger and annoyance.
“No, wait,” He tried, yelling at whoever came in the room to get out, “Y/N, please. It isn’t lik-“
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. It is like that, Rafe. It is exactly like that. You don’t want to see me, and that is fine. I get it. Why would you ever want to be seen with someone from the Cut? It doesn’t matter, though. Don’t call me anymore. You lied to me. That is not something that I can forgive,” Your tears were too strong to hold back now, “I don’t care for liars, Rafe Cameron, and you’re the biggest one of all.”
You quickly hung up and turned off your phone, throwing it towards the end of the couch so you weren’t tempted to grab it. You grabbed the large blanket from the back of the couch, picked another movie, and let your tears fall as it played in front of you.
“Honey,” Your moms gentle voice broke through, “You fell asleep on the couch.”
You slowly opened your eyes, letting them adjust to the bright light shining through the giant window. The headache hit you like a ton of brinks, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut in pain. Your mom was hovering over you, her hand on your shoulder and her soft eyes pretending to not notice how puffy your cheeks and red your eyes are.
“I guess so,” You mumbled, pushing yourself up into a sitting position, “I’ll go lay down in my room. I’m still tired.”
She gave you an understanding nod with a caring smile and helped you off the couch. Her hand lingered on your back as if she wanted to say something to you, but she decided to leave it alone for now. You would talk to her when you were ready, if you ever were. You gave her a thumbs up when she told you her and your father would be out again most of the day.
Your feet dragged as you stumbled back to your room, using the wall to keep you steady. You pushed the door open with your foot and gave your cat, who was laying on your bed as if she owned it, a stupid smile. You fell onto the bed and pulled her onto your chest as you turned your phone back on. You were scared to confront the actions from last night, but knowing Rafe, he probably wouldn’t have bothered to even send you a text about it. You were quickly proven wrong the moment your phone turned back on. The vibration from all of the texts, voicemails, and snapchats felt like it lasted for five straight minutes. Nearly all were from the boy you wanted nothing to do with. Although, you noticed a voicemail from Topper, who you forgot even had your number.
Um, hey its Topper. Look dude, I don’t know what happened, but Rafe is freaking out like a bitch right now. He keeps mumbling shit about how he fucked things up with, which I didn’t even know you two were a thing but whatever I don’t really care. He kicked everyone out of my house and has been calling and texting you for like thirty minutes straight now so please call him back, so he shuts the fuck up. If not for him, do it for my sanity before I kill him. Uh, yeah, thanks, bye.
You sighed deeply after the voicemail cut off, your heart rate increasing at the thought of Rafe being upset. If he was bad enough that Topper of all people called you, you knew it was bad. You wanted to not care because of how he made you feel, but you did. You’ve always cared about the blond boy more than you cared to admit. You finally decided to look at the messages he sent you.
Y/N pls call me back
I’m sorry its not what it looks like and I know that sounds stupid but its true
Pls talk to me. I need u to talk to me
I promise that I never wanted to hurt u ok???
I love you, Y/N. Please call me or I’m coming to your house tomorrow.
The world stopped spinning when you read the last message. You kept reading it over and over again as if you misread it the first time. Rafe had never been any kind of affectionate with you until he called you baby. Rafe Cameron was not someone known to get emotional, so you weren’t sure if you believed his words. He was a liar and would do anything to get what he wanted, so what was different now?
You heard a knock on the door followed by your moms muffled voice, but you were too focused on the situation in front of you to notice who it was. Your eyes were glued to the screen, staring at the three words you never thought anyone other than your family and friends would say to you. The world around you was fading away, your heart feeling as if it was going to beat out of your chest as tears slid down your still puffy cheeks. You weren’t going to let him do this to you. You weren’t going to let him toy with you anymore.
“Y/N,” A deep voice dragged you out of your subconscious.
Your eyes darted over to the door and saw the last person you wanted to see. Rafe was standing there, his eyes wide and blood shot and he looked like total shit. His hair was a wild mess, nothing like its usual tamed state. You met his gaze and you wished you hadn’t. One look from him and you were puddy in his hands. One look and every thought you had about never seeing him again flew out the window.
“Hey, can we talk,” He mumbled, his bright blue eyes looking everywhere but at you. “Please.”
Not trusting your words, you gave him a swift nod and gestured to the spot next to you on your bed. You leaned to the side and placed your cat on the ground, watching as she rubbed herself all over Rafe’s leg before scampering away. His walk to your bed was painfully slow, and you wanted to tell him to hurry up, but you knew that was unreasonable.
“What do you want, Rafe,” Your voice was harsh, trying to ignore the urge to reach out to him. “What do you want to talk about? How you only use me for your own pleasure? How you only ever even look at me when you’re drunk or high? How you lied to me? Wanna talk about that?”
Your anger surprised even yourself. One second you wanted to hold him in your arms and comfort him, but then the memory of how he treated you came back and flipped a switch in your brain. You don’t know how you feel and you hate it.
“I deserve every bit of your anger,” He breathed out, letting his hand fall dangerously close to your own, “But please let me explain everything to you, okay?”
“Fine,” You gave in, “Talk.”
“Yeah, thank you, okay. I really do want to talk to you when I’m not absolutely fucked, I do. I know that it doesn’t seem like that, but its true. I just, I can’t. Every time I look at you, think about you, I hear my dads voice screaming at me that I will never be good enough for anyone. I have this thought drilled into my head every day that no matter what I do, who I am, I am just never enough. To me, you’re no exception to that. In fact, you remind me even more. Wait no.”
Rafe rubbed both of his hands over his face and tugged at his hair, afraid that he’s already fucking this up. “Rafe,” You gently spoke up, turning to grab his hands from his face. “It’s fine. Keep going.”
His eyes met yours and you could see how strained he was. There were too many emotions swirling in his eyes for you to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. “Okay, um, okay. To me, you are way too good for me, so the only time I feel comfortable talking to you is when I’m high. I’ve never had trouble talking to any girl before, but you’re more than that to me. You’re more than just some girl to me and it scares me, so I feel like I have to be, yanno, not me. When I talk to you. I want to be with you more than I have ever wanted to be with someone in my life”
Your hand was still holding his as you let his words sink in. Him revealing how his dad truly made him feel made your heart ache for him. It made you want to grab him by the face and tell him how he is more than good enough. You wanted to let him in, but you weren’t sure if you were ready for the risk that came along with it. You’re not sure if you want all the things that came with being with Rafe Cameron. He’s followed by hurt and lies, and you do feel guilty thinking that, but it’s been proven true countless times.
“Rafe, listen to me,” You began, moving so you were straddling him and holding his face in your hands. His hands immediately came to grip your hips, and you are well aware that this was a more than compromising situation. “I understand that your father is probably the worst person we both know, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to me. I don’t know if I can trust you, no matter how much I may want to.”
You watched as tears gather in his eyes, and he was doing his best to keep them at bay. He had never felt the way he feels about you before, and he’s more than aware that his reputation precedes him. He knows that he’s done nothing more than prove how untrusting he is to you, but he wouldn’t let that stop him from trying to prove to you that he means what he’s saying.
“I know that nothing I say will fix what I’ve already done. I know that, but I can show you just how much you mean to me, if you’ll let me. We can go at your pace. Do things your way. Just, please, give me another chance to prove myself to you.”
You’re searching for any detection of a lie in his eyes, in his voice, but you come up empty. You wipe away the stray tears that broke through his wall of protection. You hesitantly placed your forehead on his, and you could hear him take in a sharp breath at the connection. Your eyes fluttered closed, your nose brushing against his as you weighed all of your options.
“Did you mean what you to me? In your last text,” You whispered, too scared to open your eyes and look at him. “Do you actually love me?”
“More than you know,” His breath was hot against your chin, and he pulled you closer into him.
You decided to take a leap, dive into something that scared you more than anything. Your lips finally met his, and Rafe wasted no time in returning the feeling. Your hands fell from his cheeks and clasped each other behind his neck, while his hands stayed placed on your hips, too scared to push you too far. You deepened the passion filled kiss by pulling him closer to you and running your tongue across his bottom lip. Rafe’s lips moved in such a sensual way that you almost didn’t know how to react. It was much different from the lust filled kisses you’ve shared in the past. You started moving your hips on top of him, an action that had him gripping your hips tighter than before.
Y/N,” Rafe breathed out after he broke away from you, “If you don’t stop, I don’t know if I can control myself.”
“Then don’t.”
i have not edited this so if you see a mistake lmk. love u
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron imagine#drew starkey#drew starkey imagine#obx#obx imagine#outer banks#outer banks imagine
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I’ve got an idea! How about a Police reader who arrests Felix for drunk driving before the kids die?
Finally a good ending we deserve-
.........
Being a police officer who worked late shifts meant that some nights were quiet, while others were...tense. But even slightly tense situations could turn deadly if you weren't quick and careful with your response to them.
It's truly a matter of life or death, not only for you but also for those surrounding you. So you had to be on your guard even if nothing remarkable was happening.
Sure, the roads along Saint Juana's forest were quiet especially at this time of night, though from experience you knew it didn't always stay that way..
Such as right now for instance, when a sleek black car was barreling down the road. It practically flew by your own car, swerving in a way that was all too familiar to you.
In a way that a distracted or drunk driver would.
Welp, time for you to go to work.
"So much for a peaceful night.." You sighed to yourself, turning on your lights and sirens before you began following the car.
'Please cooperate and make my life easier.'
...........
"Uncle Felix? That cop's following us, slow down."
"I know, Eddie. Just...damnit, why now? I just wanna go home and...and sleep." Felix slurred as he gripped the wheel, his vision growing hazier by the second. He was anxious about getting caught, and for a moment he thought about speeding up to lose the officer.
He had no idea there was even one on these roads.
"C-Can you stop, please?" Molly pleaded, hugging Rocket as she looked back at the blue and red lights. "You should always stop for the police."
Although his drunkenness clouded a majority of his judgement, he managed to have enough sense to listen to her. He reluctantly pulled over and stopped, groaning as he rested his head on the wheel.
Maybe the kids were right. Maybe he drank a bit more than usual. He forgot how much he even had, but it wasn't his fault that the school had a "drinking zone" established.
Regardless, he was glad he stopped driving for the time being. Now he can just take a nap and forget the world.
Forget the divorce..and Ja-
Tap tap
The sounds startled Felix wide awake, though he saw it was you--the officer--at the window. He rolled it down and smiled up at you. "Evenin' officer."
"Evening." You greeted, noting that his breath practically reeked of alcohol. "You were speeding quite a lot. You nearly took out my side mirror."
"Oh...Oh fuck..I'm sorry 'bout that. I'm just trying to get my friend's kids home. I'm supposed to get 'em back by nine." Despite his attempts to act sober, he was clearly failing.
Ed and Molly remained silent in the backseat, not wanting to snitch and accidentally anger their uncle again.
"I understand, but may I see some license and registration?"
For a few good moments, he seemed to forget where he put those. He was even struggling to get his ID out of his own wallet, which made you fully convinced he was drunk driving.
"Ah, Felix Kranken?" You hummed as you looked at the card. The name was familiar. You've seen it show up in advertisements for a new restaurant that would be opening soon, alongside the other founder's name.
"Y-Yeah, the one and only." He chuckled.
"Do you mind stepping out of the car for me?" You asked politely, returning the ID to him. "I have reasons to believe you're under the influence and...possibly endangering those kids." As you spoke, you peered into the window to see the two clearly worried kids. "So I need to run some tests."
Felix's heart sank into his stomach, realizing just how screwed he was. Absolutely everything went wrong with his life today.
Not only did Linda divorce him, but Jack couldn't be bothered to ask if he was doing okay, instead making him be a "taxi service" to his two youngest children.
And the fact you were probably going to arrest him, which would ruin his chances to help Jack open the business he worked so hard to bring to life, became the last straw.
He choked out a drunken sob, shaking his head. "I-I'm sorry, I'm..I'm just so tired. I just got divorced and..I-I'll admit it..I got serious problems. Do you have to arrest me? Is there anything I can do??"
"If you're admitting that you're drunk, then..unfortunately I have to arrest you, Mr. Kranken." Honestly, you felt bad for the guy. But you needed to consider the possibly of him trying to use his position and personal problems as an excuse.
No matter who he was, or what was going on in his life, he wasn't above the law.
"M-My life is over. Oh god..wh-what am I gonna tell Jack?!" Felix began crying, but he complied in stepping out of the car, although he abruptly collapsed to his knees. He didn't even try to get up.
Your heart broke a little as you heard Molly trying to console him, telling him "everything is going to be okay."
For young children, they were so calm and understanding as you explained why you were arresting their uncle--reassuring that neither of them were in trouble--and got their dad's contact information, which was conveniently written on their bunny plushie's tag.
You were glad you stopped the car when you did..or god knows what could've happened to them.
On the other hand Felix was acting like the child, sobbing and hiccupping when you handcuffed him and led him into your car. He seemed more terrified of his business partner finding out than the fact he could've killed Ed and Molly.
Either way, it was better than him being an angry drunk. You've come across quite a few of those uncooperative jerks who denied they were drinking, even trying to run away from you while handcuffed.
But even so...seeing his tearful face as he apologized over and over was a difficult sight.
You were just doing your duty. And you've possibly saved all three of their lives tonight.
That was all that mattered.
#clanask#anonymous#the walten files x reader#walten files x reader#felix kranken x reader#twf x reader
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fine, i’ll elaborate on my thoughts about tylor sift but they will be disorganized
disclaimer: i know a few people will read this and be like “op is a hozier fan can she really talk about the cultural obsession with mediocre white art?” and the answer is yes because a) i’m black and i have an english degree so can do whatever i fucking want, b) hozier is a better artist than taylor objectively, like his mediocre tracks would be considered her great ones, and c) the comparison of taylor to hozier is part of the problem Genuinely because i don’t even think white people like half the music they listen to, they just don’t wanna be left behind, we’ll get into this later. i’m sorry to everyone who is tired of hearing about him but hozier will be returning later in this post jsfglsjlgldsjlfd
second note: read this
i don’t just dislike taylor because she’s white. i don’t dislike taylor because she’s a woman. i don’t dislike her because she writes mean and petty lyrics about past relationships and people who wronged her. i don’t dislike taylor because her public circle of friends is almost exclusively blonde white celebrities with their own laundry lists of issues that includes ryan reynolds and blake lively who are poster children for white privilege and pseudo-excellence if i’ve ever seen them. i dislike taylor because the amalgamation of all of those things is so exemplary of a huge problem i have with the music industry in general but also like american society
fuck it, numbered list!
1. taylor swift consistently releases the same mediocre album but in different colors. every album is the same lyrically and tonally. her body of work rarely goes very far above “good for taylor swift”. folklore as both title and musical aesthetic is irrelevant to the actual content of the album, which is just every taylor swift album except set to folk pop and with a bit more cussing, congrats for baby’s first swear. i’ve seen folklore compared to much better bodies of work and even propped up by stans as album of the year, a distinction that rina sawayama and chloe x halle will be battling it out for if there is any justice in the world at all. the fact that she is allowed to do this and still be considered great when this is something that even white male artists are butchered critically for... astounds me. like we all know how well received all of coldplay’s similar sounding albums are.... Come on.
2. i don’t think taylor or her work is particularly feminist and yet for some reason every time she frowns an army of white women brings her kleenex. i’m not saying taylor’s anger has always been unjustified, but her feminism to me has always felt like “i can do whatever a man can do” feminism, which is utterly fucking useless to me as a black woman. it’s only useful to her because as a wealthy, white, straight, cis white woman her ONLY obstacle in life is her gender. and if she just didn’t have that tricky little bitch then maybe people would take her seriously. like, just think about her music video for the man... what was the thesis of that? what was the point of that? with all of her privileges she’d just be gaining a single extra privilege. she’s a blonde blue eyed thin white girl, the world kisses her feet. i have no interest in proving myself any better or any worse than white men, they are not the standard for how a person should be treated, they’re cautionary tales, and white women are too. i think taylor capitalizes off of white woman victimhood, and it’s all over her writing style. even when she’s trying to be empowered, like in mad woman for example, there is this tone to it of victimization, poking the bear, unleashing the beast if you will. she invokes the imagery of salem witches and even more boldly chooses a noose to write about in the song which is..... surely going to be a white tumblr staple for many gifsets to come but holy shit is it hollow. she also tends to come back to teenage memories in her music and she’s thirty. i don’t think about being seventeen unless i’m being held at gunpoint but she seems to think about it All The Time. and part of this is to keep herself young, at least in her music, which only further ingrains this image of fragile teeny bopper taylor into the mind of the listener, fueling her victim image. this imagery and language means nothing because the world always rallies around taylor. even when she was the butt of jokes for not being beyonce (which she is not and never can be) and writing about her exes (which she does), she was largely supported by the industry and by critics. look at how many fucking awards she has!
3. folk and indie and alternative music is in a moment of transition, where musicians of color are getting the chance to really speak about how they’ve been treated in these overwhelmingly white circles and create their own standards and their own voices. and for taylor swift to swoop in with aaron dessner and jack antonoff fantano and almost reassert that mid-2010s indie sound as The Sound of folk pop in the popular consciousness.... it makes me violent! it! makes! me! violent!
4. back to hozier! finally, i wanna talk about white standom, fandom, bandom, and womandom. i often see these very superficial comparisons between hozier and taylor (and hozier and florence and hozier and stevie nicks and hozier and whatever other white woman in fashion) and they frustrate me for more than one reason. i know that hozier has met taylor and said she’s cool, which is nice of him and he’s a nice man, but i’m not a nice man so i’m going to just say it: none of the people who have made those posts have listened to more than four hozier songs and it shows. the reason why this matters is because these posts catch on and create an image and preconception of hozier’s music that is divorced from reality and divorced from his influences and most importantly divorced from the deliberate and reverent blackness of his musical style. hozier has his white male privilege in the industry for sure but he’s not as towering of a giant as taylor and taylor’s music is an unsalted chicken, plain oatmeal, white paint drying on a white wall, a stick of unflavored gum. her music is so white it told me that its dad is a cop. i am, as a black hozier fan, exhausted with having to share space with white women who don’t know why hozier’s music kicks me in my lungs sometimes and think that taylor mentioning a tree ONCE in her 3 minute acoustic guitar slog about whatever suburb is the same when it simply is not. i swear some of you are pretending to love taylor because your friends love her and you don’t wanna be left out of the hot new musical discourse but she’s only the hot new musical discourse CONSTANTLY because she’s a white woman, she’s almost the Perfect white woman. like if someone asked me to describe a white woman, it would be taylor swift. her position at the top of the musical pyramid among people who eclipse her musically, vocally, and lyrically is only allowed because she’s The Perfect White Woman. she’s an ideal. white girls relate to her immediately because of it and now we have this unshakable mob of unbearable white women who think that the world has wronged someone who literally wrote fanfiction about the rich oil heiress white woman who owned her rhode island mansion before her aklghlghdhlgs it drives me fucking NUTS
anyway that’s all. if you made it this far, listen to adia victoria, kaia kater, samantha crain, valerie june, kelsey lu, corinne bailey rae, brittany howard, kimya dawson, japanese breakfast, cold specks, left at london, rhiannon giddens, aisha badru, shea diamond, nadine shah, xenia rubinos, karen o, mirel wagner.... Anyone
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but I just feel too tired to be fighting
this is a follow-up post to what I said in my recap the other day about this arc being the Deku Angst arc, as opposed to the Villain Hunt arc or the Deku SIXQUIRKS Exhibition arc. I feel like the fandom discussion tends to focus on the flashier parts of the chapters -- the sexy villains and the new quirk reveals and the Shindous -- each week, and so the quieter emotional beats sometimes get overlooked, especially since the character arc here is playing out in little bits and pieces over time rather than all at once.
this has always been a very reactionary fandom, and there’s a tendency to judge the chapters week to week without ever going back to look at how they all fit into the big picture. so I figured I would try to attempt that, and basically go chapter by chapter here to look at what exactly Horikoshi is setting up and how it all fits together.
so let’s start with the end of chapter 306, which is when the arc officially kicks off. specifically with the very last page:
this is imo one of the best pages Horikoshi has ever drawn. I got the sense that this was a scene he’d had in his mind’s eye for quite a long time, and that he was excited to finally get to this part of the story. it’s extremely effective as both a chapter-ender, and an arc-opener. like, look at this:
it establishes the initial premise of the new arc -- the world is in chaos, and Deku is now seemingly on his own
it leaves the readers with a number of questions. why did Deku leave U.A.?? is he really on his own now?? why does he look so beat-up and exhausted?? what is he up to?? what is the world like now that all these villains have been unleashed and the heroes have been decimated?? and most importantly of all, what the fuck is going to happen next??
it pays homage to some of Horikoshi’s comic book influences -- Batman in particular
it dramatically hits us with that “THE FINAL ACT BEGINS” and lets us know that shit is getting real now
that’s some good shit. so much so that I think people tended to overlook the other notable thing about this page amidst all of the initial excitement and discussion and speculation about where the series was headed. and that is the fact that the final panel in this chapter is NOT the panel of Deku standing above the city. the very last panel, the one that this chapter actually ends on, is instead the close-up of Deku’s face. his face, which is covered in shadow; and his eyes, which have dark circles under them and are prominently missing the usual flecks of light that give him his signature “sunny optimistic shounen protagonist” look.
not to mention this last line here, which is a call back to the very first time we saw the 14-year-old Deku way back in chapter one.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Horikoshi chose to throw this reference in. nor is it a coincidence that THIS is the scene he actually chose to end the chapter on. what this does is show us the drastic shift in Deku’s emotional state of mind, and his attitude towards being a hero. he’s gone from being thrilled and excited to being jaded and exhausted. he’s matured, but at a great cost. it’s always been his dream to be a hero, but “be careful what you wish for” is a popular adage for a reason. and right now he looks the furthest thing from happy.
and this is the emotional beat that Horikoshi chooses to end the chapter on. this is the panel that closes out the War arc, and begins the final act. to me the message could not be clearer -- this arc will be about the exploration of Deku’s character, and his struggle as he tries to live up to the expectations that have been placed on him as the Last Holder of OFA and quite possibly the World’s Only Hope.
it’s a character arc that builds on a lot of the things we’ve already learned about Deku over the course of the series, such as the fact that he is reckless, and that he focuses on others often at the expense of himself. but more importantly, it’s an arc that finally expands on the dark side of what has up until now been a net positive for Deku -- the power of OFA. up until this point, despite its ups and downs, it’s been a boon for Deku overall and has allowed him to pursue his dream. but now we’re finally reaching the point where the monkey’s paw part of the OFA blessing/curse finally starts to come into play. OFA gives Deku more power than he could have ever dreamed of, but it also comes with a built-in destiny that he can’t opt out of whether he likes it or not. AFO is on the loose and out there trying to destroy the world. and now everyone has pinned their hopes on this sixteen-year-old kid, and the question of whether or not the sixteen-year-old kid is ready is apparently not one that anyone feels inclined to ask (possibly because they’re afraid that the answer might be “no”).
he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. he has to do it, because there’s no one else who can. that’s the kind of pressure that is on Deku now.
and on that note, we begin the Deku Angst arc.
chapter 307
this in hindsight was mostly just a set-up chapter to better establish the current state of the BnHA world at large (spoilers: it’s not good), while also providing an answer for one of the big initial questions of the arc -- namely, “what happened to all of those villains that AFO released from Tartarus?” these are important things to touch on, but the pacing could definitely have been better, and the bulk of the chapter was dedicated to providing fanservice to all of the Shindou fans who spammed the most recent popularity poll (which, whatever lol). anyway, so this was the sole chapter thus far with absolutely no Deku development. thankfully the arc picks up from there.
chapter 308
on to the next one! this was the one and only chapter thus far which I think actually qualifies as an “exhibition fight.” this was definitely all about showing off Deku’s current powerset, as well as introducing us to another of the SIXQUIRKS. however, there was Deku development here as well, most notably in this scene:
this is the scene that got a lot of people speculating that this arc was going to focus on Deku hunting down all of the old villains. but I think people got so caught up in that speculation that they overlooked what this scene tells us about Deku’s mindset. and yes, there is new information being revealed here, and it’s not just a rehash of the stuff we already knew. like yes, we know that Deku was shaken up by the recent encounters with Dabi and Tomura, and we know that made him start questioning why villains become villains in the first place, and all that good stuff, and that’s great. however, there are two additional important things that this scene helps establish for us.
the upcoming battle with TomurAFO is weighing heavily on Deku’s mind. this is something that will become a recurring theme in this arc. Deku is thinking about this constantly. the question of what to do when he finally encounters TomurAFO again is knocking incessantly at the back of his mind, and this won’t be the last time it comes up.
Deku is using these villain encounters as test runs. can Tomura be redeemed?? is he just being stupid and naïve?? or is this really something worth attempting?? the interesting thing about this is that Deku’s resolve to save people is usually so strong and unwavering that it’s more than enough to overcome any doubts that he might have. but this time it seems like the repeated objections posed by the Vestiges and Gran Torino have really gotten to him. it’s possible I’m just reading way too much into things, but to me it really feels like Deku’s recent attempts at Talk no Jutsu were meant to do more than just show his growing awareness that the line between heroes and villains is thinner than he once imagined. they’re also serving as trial runs for the real test, when it finally comes. if he can “save” even a villain like Muscular, there’s hope for him being able to save Tomura as well. and so that moment when Muscular rejects him out of hand is all the more disappointing to him, even if it wasn’t really unexpected. basically it wasn’t the answer that he had been hoping for.
aside from those little notes though, like I said, this was unquestionably an exhibition fight first and foremost. which is fine; we needed to establish where Deku is currently in terms of strength, and it was also just fun to see him kick some ass, ngl. in terms of story purpose this chapter was similar to 219, which showed us how Shouto and Katsuki had powered up after getting their provisional licenses. people who don’t care about those characters might argue that these fights weren’t necessary, but as someone who stans all three characters hard, I would disagree! but anyways, moving on.
chapter 309
in contrast to the previous chapter, this chapter focuses more on establishing Deku’s current mental state, as opposed to his physical state. and this is what we learn:
(1) Deku is ~technically~ being shadowed/accompanied by All Might and the Hawksquad (but in practice he’s avoiding them).
(2) it was Deku’s own decision to leave U.A., and he did it because he didn’t want anyone else getting hurt in order to protect him.
and finally, (3) Deku’s game plan is to stop Tomura and All for One before they reach full power.
this last part is very important, because it means there’s a countdown in effect. as far as Deku is concerned, there’s only a finite amount of time before TomurAFO becomes unstoppable. which means that he’s not only under “gotta get stronger” pressure, but time pressure as well. he doesn’t have the luxury of taking his time and training in safety. he’s being rushed now; this is do-or-die.
this chapter is also the first in this arc in which we get to see Deku’s expressions without the hood covering up his face, and what we see is very telling. as previously stated, the light is gone from Deku’s eyes. he keeps his expressions very neutral, and the only time we even see a hint of a smile is when he hugs his mom in the flashback, and it’s clear from the dialogue (“it’s okay, I’ll come home to you”) that he’s doing it for her sake in order to comfort her.
but aside from that, this is very much not the Deku we’ve grown accustomed to. this is the chapter that really establishes his current mental state imo. above all else, he’s afraid that more people will get hurt because of him, and so he’s distancing himself from everyone around him. and he’s also morbidly preoccupied with the inevitability of having to face TomurAFO again, and soon. the chapter ends on the flashback of Gran giving him his cape, and telling Deku that “killing can be another way to save someone.” there’s a lot on this kid’s mind, to say the least.
chapter 310
this chapter opens with a gang of civilians who are trying to open fire on a nice fox lady whose only crime was walking around in the rain at night. Deku intervenes to save her, and it’s the first time in this arc that we see anything close to the “old” Deku, who just wanted to save people with a smile.
but it’s bittersweet, because all the lady can talk about is how scared she was, and how horrible everything is right now. and so Deku, who feels responsible in a lot of ways for everything that’s happened, just feels that much more pressure to somehow make things right again.
there’s also this extra throwaway line which is especially heartbreaking:
“I can’t afford to be around anyone.” fucking ouch. just reinforcing once more how incredibly isolated Deku is right now -- not by choice, but because he feels like it’s not safe to let anyone else get close to him. and so he’s out here running around this dystopian cityscape in the middle of the night in the pouring rain all on his own, and neglecting himself to the point where All Might practically has to force a bento on him.
but does he complain? of course not. because his focus is never on himself. instead, when he settles down to eat, his thoughts immediately drift back to, guess who...
it’s that time pressure once again. “unless I draw out One for All’s full power, I can’t stop any of this.” it’s just nonstop, I have to get stronger, I’m running out of time, I have to do better, and constantly thinking about that inevitable confrontation.
Deku is a thinker, you guys. and when left to his own devices he will overthink, every time. his mind will run in endless loops while he mentally works his way through all of the possibilities. and that’s one of his greatest strengths, don’t get me wrong, but at a time like this it’s also one of his greatest weaknesses. it’s just so fucking easy for him to get stuck in his own head, in his endless rambling thoughts and analyses. and without anyone else there to help distract him, or help him focus, he’s become fixated on his mission, and it’s slowly consuming him.
this, incidentally, is also the chapter in which we finally see Two and Three’s faces, and learn why Two in particular is so reluctant to lend his power to Deku. he appears to be the lone holdout at this point, so stay tuned on that, because I don’t doubt this will wind up being crucial to Deku’s future development, however it winds up playing out.
chapter 311
this chapter flips back to the Hawksquad for the first half, so we get a brief respite from the ongoing Dekuangst. right before we switch back though, we do get confirmation of something we had pretty much already guessed:
like, that much was already apparent based on what we’d seen (the bags under his eyes; the fact that he refused to sit still in any one place for very long even at night), but it’s always nice to get the official confirmation so that people can’t dispute it lol. so yeah, Deku isn’t sleeping much. and not eating much either, if all he’s getting is the occasional bento from Dadmight. so basically not taking care of himself at all, huge shocker there. but this is something that’s important enough to the story that Horikoshi took the time to point it out in the dialogue, in addition to all of the visual clues we’d already gotten.
and just in case we needed to drive that point in any further, this chapter ends with the appearance of Lady Nagant! like yeah, no shit Deku isn’t getting much sleep, what with him having to fend off racist civilians and hired assassins every five fucking minutes. smdh. can he live??
chapter 312
so this is the chapter that properly introduces Lady Nagant, who maaaay or may not be one of the primary antagonists of this arc?? like, it’s really unclear right now tbh, but she gets hyped up by Hawks and AFO, and has a flashback and a mysterious past and a weird trump card (where did you go, Overhaul) and all that good shit, so yeah? one can hope at any rate.
but anyway. so to his credit, Deku’s first thought is to retreat, but he quickly abandons that plan once he figures out Nagant’s location. this is played off like a logical strategic decision at first, but the subsequent chapter quickly makes it clear that Deku’s decision to take the fight to Nagant is less rational than he might have you think.
chapter 313
so yeah. last but not least, the most recent chapter, in which Deku’s real reason for targeting Lady soon becomes apparent:
what’s more, it quickly becomes clear that he miscalculated and probably would have been better off following Hawks’s advice, seeing as he promptly gets himself shot, and subsequently realizes that AFO gave Nagant an extra quirk, something he hadn’t taken into account. but instead of cutting his losses and running at this point, he doubles down instead and not only breaks out Smokescreen, but also the Third’s quirk which he has never even used before.
it’s worth noting that both En and the Third start telling him to chill at this point, and warn him that what he’s attempting is too dangerous. but tbh if they were expecting him to listen, they haven’t been reading the same arc I’ve been reading. once again, Horikoshi makes it clear that Deku has one thing and one thing only on his mind right now.
of course. once again it all comes back to this. hunt down AFO. it doesn’t matter that he’s exhausted. it doesn’t matter that he’s just been shot twice. it doesn’t matter that Hawks, despite knowing what Deku was capable of with his OFA abilities, specifically warned him away from this one person only. it doesn’t matter that even the Vestiges are trying to tell him you’re going too fast and you’re trying to do too much and it’s too dangerous.
he just doesn’t care. long story short, the only thing that matters to Deku right now is tracking down and defeating TomurAFO. and as the person who knows him best once so aptly put it, “he doesn’t take himself into account.” and therein lies the major challenge of this arc.
and so this is where we’re currently at now. and this has been a very long post, but if nothing else, I hope I was able to get this one point across: there is absolutely no way that Deku will be able to defeat TomurAFO as he is now. not a chance in hell. somehow he’s managed the uncommon feat of waging a war of attrition against himself, which is really quite an accomplishment. he’s not taking care of himself, and he’s refusing to listen to sound advice from the people surrounding him, and is trying to skip ahead to the final boss battle before he’s ready, because the guilt and pressure from feeling responsible for the current situation are eating him up. the only way that the world can go back to normal is if he can defeat AFO; therefore he has to do it as soon as possible, because time is running out and everyone is counting on him. this is who Deku is. and this is what inevitably happens when his saving mentality is taken to extremes, and left unchecked.
anyway so to wrap up this post now, I do think this arc is a lot more cohesive than it’s gotten credit for thus far, and Deku is the glue holding it all together. I for one am loving the exploration of his character and all the subtle little angsty touches as we build up to the big moment, whenever it finally comes. just keep in mind though that if his decisions right now seem reckless and short-sighted, it’s because they’re supposed to seem that way, because Deku is not in a good mental state right now. the cracks are finally showing in our perfect protagonist, just like everyone has been wanting this whole time. he is just a kid. he is doing his best. he is trying far too hard to do his best, and it is hurting him so badly, but he doesn’t even realize. this arc is not an endorsement of the Angsty Nomad Hero lifestyle, lol. it’s the exact fucking opposite, and I think it’s being wildly misinterpreted with all of the emphasis on “oh look at that, he mastered another quirk with no effort”, as opposed to “oh look at that, he is shutting down emotionally and is a few more missed nights of sleep away from a complete and total breakdown.”
tl;dr the overarching storyline of this arc is all about Deku slowly falling apart due to his trauma from Jakku, and the subsequent pressure that was put on him by the Vestiges with their whole “GUESS WHAT, YOU’RE THE LAST USER OF OFA, THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S ALL ON YOU BUDDY” pep talk. and mark my words, things are not going to go according to plan. something is going to go terribly wrong here. whether it’s something happening to All Might, or AFO setting up a trap for him, either way Deku is being set up to fail in a major way. unless of course, someone (or a group of someones) manages to intervene first, and possibly stage an intervention or something. it’s what he needs right now, but idk if Horikoshi is going to make it that easy.
anyway, but in other words, the point of this arc is not to show how much stronger Deku has gotten and how he doesn’t even need his friends anymore. it’s the exact opposite -- the point of this arc is to show that Deku needs his friends now more than ever. that in spite of OFA and all of its mystical trappings and fancy SIXQUIRKS, Deku can’t do this alone. he needs his friends. that’s the core message. and right now, we are at the “I can get by on my own” part of the story. and the part we are all waiting for, but which is coming -- I guarantee it is coming, you guys -- is “the thing is, you don’t have to.”
and that shit is going to slap hard you guys. and I for one can’t wait. but until then, enjoy the angst.
#bnha 313#midoriya izuku#bnha meta#deku meta#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#long post#like 'long' is really an understatement here lol#our little green protagonist is really going through it you guys#and I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it
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I’m Only A Crack In This Castle Of Glass (Hardly Anything Else I Need To Be) PT. 7
Batfamily x Batsis Story
Word Count: 2.1K
Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst
Author’s Note: Anyone order a part seven? Cause I got a part seven for y'all. Enjoy! -Thorne
**********************************************************************
Ever since the meeting that night, she’d gotten more letters from her family than she’d ever received in twenty-one years. Not that she decided to read them. The first line from Dick’s letter was, ”I never wanted you to leave because of me. If only I’d known…”. She couldn’t keep reading, and she wasn’t sure if it were from guilt, sadness, or anger, but there was something there that she didn’t want to face.
It didn’t stop there though. They kept coming even if she tacked a return to sender on it and sent it back. She’d even labeled one and written, ”Stop writing me.” but that didn’t stop them. Wally texted her every other night on top of the letters and she wanted to strangle him through the phone.
She knew though, that if she could keep holding out for three more months, she’d be home free. Wherever home was at this point. Every city she kept thinking about had some type of vigilante and there was nothing that didn’t; eventually she decided on Coast City. Somewhere warm and sunny, and as far from Gotham and Central as possible.
Of course that little voice in the back of her head just kept telling her to talk to them, but she was going to be as stubborn against it as possible—but time was dwindling, and so was her resolve.
***
“Ophelia, have you seen the extra bag of espresso beans? I can’t remember where you put them the other week.” She waited for a response. “Ophelia?” she turned and frowned. “Why did I accept the manager’s position when I can’t even round up my workers?”
She walked out of the storage and wiped her hands on the rag at her waist. “Ophelia?” A giggle sounded at the counter and when she walked out, her eyes went wide at the sight.
Jason was leaning against the counter with that smile he used to use on the models at the galas. He smiled at Ophelia. “Tell me, what do you make better, the cappuccinos or lattes?”
“Well, I make a —”
“She makes a mean ‘get in the back and find my espresso beans’,” she grunted and both of them jumped.
“Melisandre!” Ophelia stuttered, pale cheeks flushing pink. “I thought you were in the back.”
“I was. Think you can go find the coffee beans you put away?” She shot Ophelia a stare that screamed ‘scram’ and the girl nodded, hurrying to the storage room.
“Aww, why’d you run the cutie off, Melisandre?” Jason queried. “I was going to ask her out on—”
“Can I talk to you?” she interrupted, voice barely containing her seething rage. “Outside.”
Jason shrugged and shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “Sure, but be careful, people might get suspicious.”
She grunted and walked outside, listening to him follow and when the door shut, she turned around and hissed, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just getting coffee.”
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me, Jason. We both know that’s a load of bullshit.”
His eyes narrowed and he noted, “You’ve really gotten comfortable using foul language. You know that, (Y/N)?”
She glared at him. “What. Do. You. Want.”
“You won’t answer our letters,” he shrugged. “Didn’t have a lot of options to talk.”
“And showing up at my job is the better option?” she griped.
“It was that or your house, (Y/N). Take your pick but you can’t have both.”
“Well, maybe my silence is supposed to be the answer to those letters. Did you think about that?”
“I did,” he nodded. “But after the third letter being rejected, I decided to go big or go home.”
(Y/N) growled. “Go home.”
Jason smirked. “No.”
“I’m not fucking joking here, Jason. I don’t want you coming here. Ever.”
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” he retorted then stepped forward and grabbed her wrist. “You don’t wanna talk willingly, fine. I’ll make you talk to me. And if I have to show up here every day, I will.”
“No, you won’t.”
Jason cocked a brow and tightened his grip. “You wanna bet? Because I’m not Dick and I’m sure as hell not Bruce. I don’t have a day job to get to.” He smirked. “I can do this all day.”
(Y/N) bit the inside of her cheek and thought for a moment then sighed and yanked her arm away. “Fine. Come to my apartment after five. We’ll talk there.”
“Thank—”
“Don’t thank me yet,” she interrupted coldly. “I’m agreeing for one meeting and then you fuck off back to Gotham City and leave me the hell alone for good.” She spun on her heel and started back for the door when his voice reached her, tired and pained.
“Do you really hate all of us? Do you really hate us like you make yourself think you do?”
(Y/N)’s feet felt like lead and she stopped, gazing at the glass door. “I don’t know, Jason.”
“Then let me help.”
“You can find the apartment on your own. I know you’re good at looking for homes.” She slipped in the café door, leaving him standing there shocked and hurt.
***
Sure enough, a minute after five o’clock, her doorbell rang and she called, “It’s open.” The door opened and shut, and she looked up from the little kitchenette, watching the way Jason walked into her apartment, gazing around the empty living room.
“Shit, do you live in a home or a prison cell?”
(Y/N) grunted. “Nice quip. Come up with that by yourself?”
He wandered into the kitchen, leaning back against the counter as she prepared dinner. “What’re you making?”
“Chicken marsala,” she replied. “You’re here to talk. Start talking.”
“Are you going to be a bitch like you were the other night or can I ask about life in Central the last three years?” she shot him a glare, warning him, but he paid it no mind. “You going to school?”
(Y/N) nodded. “I go to Central City Community College. Take classes all week at different times.”
“What are you studying?” he asked.
“For now, general studies, but I’m minoring in political science.”
“Planning on a four year after you graduate?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not.” Her hands stalled for a moment. “I don’t have the money for a big school to get a bachelors.” Shaking her head, she chopped up the vegetables. “Figure if I can get a job in the area, I can scrounge up enough to start the process though.”
“Might take years,” Jason noted, and she nodded.
“Yeah, hard work usually does.” (Y/N) glanced at him. “What’s Cassandra like?”
He blinked, evidently not expecting that, though he recovered and smiled. “She’s great honestly. Kicks ass better than anyone I know.”
“Even Batman?”
Jason huffed a laugh. “I’m sure she could wipe the floor with each of us if she decided to not hold back. Her mom’s Lady Shiva and her dad’s David Cain.”
“I don’t know who they are but I’m assuming from the tone that they’re not exactly the best parents in the world.”
“No…they’re not.” He agreed. “David didn’t teach Cass how to speak so she’s been mute all her life.”
“I’ve heard the few interviews she’s given,” (Y/N) replied. “She’s very eloquent when she does.”
“Shakespeare’s influence. And probably Emily Dickinson.” He smiled. “I leave her a lot of books to read so I can be her favorite.”
She snorted. “Yeah, that sounds like you.” Sliding the cast iron skillet into the oven, she sat at the crappy metal dining table, Jason taking the seat on the other side. (Y/N) scratched at the table. “Does Bruce like her?” she questioned lowly, and he nodded.
“Loves her like she’s his own.” He her with cautious eyes. “Just like he loves you.” Jason watched the emotion flash across her face, quick as lighting, a deep sorrow, then she was humming.
“Well, that’s good then.” She cleared her throat and looked at the clock. “How’ve you been? I hear a lot about Outlaws.”
Jason chuckled. “Yeah, that’s my band of renegades. Me, Roy Harper, and Koriand’r.”
“Remind me, those were Speedy and Starfire, right?”
He snorted. “Arsenal and Starfire. But yeah, close enough.”
(Y/N) got up and pulled two glasses from the cabinet before going to the refrigerator and getting the lemonade. She poured them both glasses and sat back down. “How’d you manage to wrangle two of the Titans into your posse?”
“Kori willingly tagged along, and Roy won’t leave me alone,” he griped, sipping his lemonade.
“Mmm…and how does Dick feel about you stealing two of his exes?”
Jason choked on his drink, spilling it on the table and down his chin. “That’s not—” he coughed. “That’s not what that is.”
“Uh huh, sure it’s not.”
“It isn’t,” he glowered.
“Riiiiiiight,” she drawled out with a grin, then took a sip and set her glass back down. “Figured you’d get Cass along with you. she seems like she’d be fit for Outlaws.”
He shook his head. “Nah, she’d be better off with Tim and his Young Justice weirdos.”
“She non-lethal?”
“Mhm.”
They dwindled into silence until the timer went off on the oven and she pulled the skillet out and set two plates on the table. “You’re gonna feed me?” he asked as she handed him a fork.
(Y/N) scoffed. “Duh. I’m a bitch, but I’m a bitch with manners.” She smiled sweetly. “But you have to leave afterwards.”
“Mmm…can I crash on your couch?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
He shrugged. “Figured I’d try anyways.”
They ate in silence, occasionally speaking about their lives the last three years, and when the food was all gone and the lemonade drunk, he sighed and reclined in the chair.
“What?” (Y/N) questioned and he shrugged.
“Dunno…I’d like to do this again soon.” His teal eyes found hers. “It’s been too long since we were together.”
“Tread carefully,” she murmured, looking at the wall and he sighed.
“Sis, talk to me,” he begged. “Even if it’s just to tell me how much you hate me, just talk to me.” She didn’t respond and he sighed again, standing from the table. “Thanks for dinner.”
“…I hate that you all put Gotham and every civilian before our family.” Jason stopped dead in his tracks and turned, gazing at her, though she didn’t tear her eyes from the wall. “I hate that the only time I felt like anyone paid any attention to me was when we were at galas and even then, the attention was just for show. It didn’t matter because all anyone wanted to do was get the hell out of the manor and go on patrol. It didn’t matter because I wasn’t like any of you. I wasn’t a part of the real family.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. “I hate that I spent more nights sitting in a dark and silent manor than spending them with my family. I hate that I never had a normal family growing up where we’d go for ice-cream after school and attend school performances. I hate that I got stuck with a bunch of siblings hellbent on giving every piece of themselves to the world and they couldn’t take one night off to have a family night to save their lives. To at least pretend to be normal.”
(Y/N) finally took her eyes from the wall and he felt his heart tighten as the tears slipped down her cheeks and she breathed, “I hate that I was born Bruce Wayne’s biological daughter and I’d give anything and everything I have to be someone else’s daughter and sister.”
Jason’s mouth felt dry, and he didn’t have single thing to say to her and she whispered, “Is that what you wanted to hear, Jason?” she blinked. “Because that’s what I feel every morning I wake up.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, and she cleared her throat, wiping her cheeks.
“Yeah well, I’m three years passed sorry.” (Y/N) nodded to the front door. “You should leave now.”
Jason nodded but his feet didn’t move. For a moment, he couldn’t move them, then he sucked in a breath and started edging back to the door. When he neared the door, he pulled it open and paused, looking back at her. “(Y/N)?” she didn’t answer but he said it anyway. “I love you. More than you’ve ever known.” He sighed and stepped out, closing it behind him.
(Y/N) buried her face in her hands and sobbed alone at the dinner table.
********************************************************************************
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i will, my love.
— minors don't interact.
— wc: 4K.
content + warnings: 18+, including: soft dom!suna, pet names, fingering, oral (female), unprotected sex, worship, really soft sex tbh, virginity loss
pairings: boyfriend!suna rintarō x virgin!fem!reader
— haikyuu masterlist.
Your thoughts were eating you up inside. But not quickly, in a way that hardly hurt your soul, but, yes, too slowly, because of this, naturally your body started to work that much harder to get to the end of the day exhausted so that there was no opening for you to think about it.
Y/N was not entirely sure that her boyfriend realized this, but considering how observant he is, it was naturally possible that he was just waiting for a good opportunity to bring up the subject and find out what was making "his princess" so uncomfortable.
In reality, your fear was that Suna thought that the problem was something involving you, or worse, that you were about to break up with him after a long 1 year and four months of dating, but the problem was more specific and, for you, secretly more embarrassing, especially when your friends told you that "you are too old to be a virgin". Every time the group of friends of the two of you got into the subject of "sex life", you walked away and made up a bad excuse to leave the place, sometimes taking Suna along or sometimes leaving him behind; and the few times when there was no way out and the two of you were put up against the wall, Suna would reply that "you're both waiting for the right time" and you could see the look of disappointment not in him, but in his friends.
Suna was extremely patient with you, and although you actually thought it was the least he could do for you as the person he loves, your mind persisted in whispering in your ear that he would get tired of waiting. It wasn't as if Y/N was a holy prude, far from it, but every time he tried to comfort you with his arms around your body while his lips were pressed against yours in a deep and intense kiss and his hips thrust against yours in an attempt to demonstrate that his body needed yours, you felt too eager and refused to move forward with that brief signal; and all these times you could hear Suna in the bathroom using his own hand to masturbate because the walls were so thin in the apartment shared between you and your classmate.
Did you feel guilty for not fucking him during all this time of dating? No... until last week when a girl approached him while you and his friends were leaving for the movies and asked if she could have his number. It wasn't as if Suna had paid any attention to the girl, but you felt as if there were thousands of young girls your age or older ready to give him anything he wanted in a matter of minutes, especially to let you slip between their legs without a care in the world.
And today was the day when Y/N had the day off to do whatever he and his roommate wanted, so it turned out that it didn't take long for Suna Rintarou to be lazily lying on the couch in the living room of the apartment shared between his girlfriend and another girl from her college course while you were looking for a movie for both of you to watch. You could feel his watchful, calm gaze glued to your back, but your body didn't want to turn around to face him.
— What is it? — You asked, still looking at the TV remote control.
— You seem strange these days. — He said, in the same eerily calm tone he always used, he was trying to get you against the wall by using the same old words so as not to make you feel afraid.
— Do I? — It was obvious that you were going to try to talk him out of it, and it wasn't long before you heard a rustle behind you that indicated that Suna was now sitting on the couch instead of lying down, and his hands came down on your shoulders, massaging them lightly; only at that particular moment did you realize how tense they were.
— Do you want to talk about it, or do I need to tear it out of you? I can tickle you until you talk... or kiss you until you suffocate, you choose. — A light laugh escaped his lips and yours fingers briefly unlearned how to flick the TV remote control.
— I've just... been thinking a lot these days, but it's no big deal. — You shrugged your shoulders trying to look nonchalant, but Suna put his hand on your chin and made you face him.
— Really? So, you wouldn't mind repeating that by looking me in the eye, would you? — He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and you frowned.
— You don't believe me?
— Not after watching you act so strange all week, not after yesterday you didn't even want to participate in the video game night at the twins' house. — He leaned his face on her shoulder and frowned. — Tell me what's wrong, and I'll fix it for you. — You bit your lip nervously and chose to look away from the television again. — Has anyone annoyed you this week? Is someone at the college treating you badly? Was it something I did?
Y/N knew that there was a high chance that Suna would throw several questions at her to get to the root of what was being the nuisance as soon as he felt she was comfortable around him, but she didn't expect it to be this soon and that he wouldn't give her time to come up with the slightest plausible excuse.
And after Suna's voice died down, an uneasy, tense silence settled over the room, and you ended up turning around so that you could look at him.
— Does the fact that I didn't want to have sex with you during these months of dating bother you? — It was his turn to feel embarrassed and choke on his own saliva.
— What? — He coughed a few times, feeling as if he had heard you wrong.
— You heard me. — You leaned your arms on his legs and looked at him intently as his calm and serene countenance returned.
— Is this the problem? Lack of sex? I thought you didn't want me to go through with this yet. — His hands brushed against her cheeks and caressed them with his fingertips. — Did you change your mind?
— Answer my question and I'll answer yours.
— It doesn't bother me, really. I will wait for years to have sex with you, if you decide to keep me waiting that long. — Suna answered calmly, and slowly the tension inside you dissolved. — I thought you didn't care so much about this, if you hadn't we would have talked more about it, if you had wanted to.
— I was just... insecure, because you never complain about it, and I feel that your friends look at you like you are with me out of pity every time the topic of "sex" comes up. — Y/N replied returning to focusing on the TV remote. — And... — Her teeth bit the inside of her cheek before her lips whispered more to you than to Suna: —, maybe I changed my mind.
— What, babe? I couldn't hear you properly. — Suna put his arms around your waist and pulled you up, and you felt your cheeks begin to heat up.
— I didn't say anything.
— Repeat what you said before. — His tone dropped an octave and a shiver ran down your back slowly.
— I said I might have changed my mind. — You swallowed hard, staring him straight in the eye for a few seconds before feeling intimidated and staring at the back of the sofa behind him.
— Hmm, really? — Suna rested one hand on your chin while the other rested against your waist to pull you up to sit on his thighs, after which he kissed your lips lightly. — Do you truly want this or are you doing this just because you think it's what I want? — He asked, running his thumb over your lower lip.
— I do. — You answered, shifting into a more comfortable position on his lap and looking down from his eyes to his mouth. — Give me the best of yourself that you can.— Your hands rested on his shoulders, and the thought of having him freely explore your body made butterflies rise in the pit of your stomach.
— I will, my love. — Suna replied with a slight smile before he really kissed you hard and slowly reached inside your gray tank top with his fingers.
His touch was soft, tender, with fingertips rubbing against the skin of your back slowly, as if massaging it, and then moving down the front of your torso to gently reach your breasts. He was really trying to make you as comfortable as possible, as relaxed as possible, and you couldn't help yourself but have your heart melting under the influence of Suna Rintarou.
When the two of you had to break the kiss because of the missing air, it wasn't long before Suna's lips left wet kisses down your neck and his fingers massaged and squeezed your breasts lovingly before he began to play with your nipples and you gasped because your boyfriend's touch seemed to amplify your own pleasure. It wasn't as if you had never masturbated, quite the opposite in fact, but it was different when another person was touching you.
— Are you sure? — He asked, pulling his lips away from the warm skin of your neck and looking down at you with his hands still around your tits.
— Yes, I'm absolutely sure. — You answered inevitably, forcing your hips against his for more friction. — Please, love. — Your hands reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up to expose his upper body.
— Great, babe. — Suna kissed your collarbones and rose from the sofa, pulling you along with him, making you clutch his shoulders in despair at the sudden action. — It would suck if your first time with me was on the living room couch, wouldn't it? — You felt your cheeks heat up and lean your head on his shoulder, nodding positively. — You're my princess, so it's only fair that I treat you like one in the bedroom. — And so he carried you to your room, and when he got there, he locked the door and let you lie on the bed looking at your body intently.
As soon as his hands brushed against your tank top and moved it out of the way, Suna was licking and sucking one of your breasts carefully while his other hand squeezed your other nipple, moans escaping from deep in your throat filled the place obscenely and your head fell back against the pillows as your legs opened to better accommodate your boyfriend's body between them.
— Fuck, you are so beautiful. — Suna whispered, sliding his lips down your abdomen and sending a shiver down your back that made you tangle your fingers in his brown hair and try to force your hips up to signal to him where exactly you needed him. — Don't be impatient, I need to take my time with you, it's your first time. — He kissed lightly on the top point of her pelvis and her body shivered.
In the next few seconds, Suna was undoing your thin pajama shorts and leaving you in only your panties while his fingers ghosted down your knees and thighs slowly. The anticipation and expectation were eating you up inside and it was inevitable that high-pitched moans would come from your lips, your body was literally burning for him and your vision seemed about to go blurry at any moment. And he hadn't even done anything sexual with you yet.
— It's so easy to get you horny it's almost cute. — Suna murmured more to himself than to you as he kissed your covered pussy and made you squirm.
Over the fabric of your panties, he gave you a gentle lick along the entire area of your intimacy before actually moving it out of the way and slowly pushing your folds apart. It was almost as if you had been longing for years to belong to him, and Suna couldn't help himself before grunting and teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue. The wave of pleasure that washed over your body was intense enough to make you arch your back painfully and pull his hair tightly as loud moans came from your lips.
— So sweet, I've been thinking about your pussy for so long. — Suna said before he gave a few more licks against your intimacy and entered your interior with just one finger slowly, but he stopped in the middle of the process when he heard a low grunt of pain coming from you, probably because his finger was longer than yours and reached places that had not been widened before. — Tell me if it hurts too much, I can go slower on you, my love. — He kissed your inner left thigh lightly and slowly continued to put his finger in, only to let you get used to it.
— Can you move... please? — You asked breathlessly, propping yourself up on your elbows.
— Sure. — Suna answered with a loving look before he began to move his finger slowly inside you and feeling his own arousal increase as he saw your face contort with pleasure before your head fell back again.
As he increased the speed of that single finger and analyzed your expressions of pleasure and your thrusts of trying to force your hips up for more friction, Suna slowly introduced a second digit into you and massaged your clit with the thumb of that same hand. His lips left biting and sucking on your thighs with no intention of actually marking them, only to make you lose yourself further in pure lust. Minutes later, when your moans already indicated that your insides had gotten used to the widening of two fingers, a third one was introduced and slowly your boyfriend began to really build up a rhythm that made your mind forget absolutely everything. There was only: Suna Rintarou and his ambition to make you feel good.
— Damn, you're so beautiful, I could pleasure you for hours and never get tired of looking at your beautiful face. You're my pretty girl, aren't you? — You couldn't formulate a coherent sentence, not when his fingers were curving in that overpowering way inside you. — Always so good for me, so sweet for me. — Suna took your clit between his lips gently before he began to use his fingers to make scissor-like movements to widen your insides as much as possible.
— Fuck, babe... — You gasped, feeling the same pressure in your lower abdomen that was present every time you were about to cum using your own fingers. — It's s-so good, please... I... — Your train of thought short-circuited as your boyfriend's licks on your clit became more consistent and responsive, your hips thrusting upward frantically.
— Yes, my love, I know, cum for me. I know you want to. — He responded by increasing the speed of the fingers inside you.
A few more thrusts widening your insides were enough to have you collapsing against your boyfriend's body, breath panting, eyes rolling and hands desperately trying to grab hold of any piece of his skin you could get your hands on. You were finished, to say the least. The feeling of having someone making you cum, especially with fingers much longer than yours own, was overwhelmingly different than having you touch yourself. Suna had never pleasured you in that direct way before, so he needed to assess your expressions and body language to know what made you most comfortable, but it only took seconds before he adjusted the right pressure and rhythm to have you completely melting.
— You're such a good girl to me, I love you. — Your boyfriend slowly withdrew his fingers from inside you and moved from between your legs to plant kisses on the surface of your belly while complimenting you in the best possible ways, even though your mind was too busy recovering from the recent orgasm to actually pay attention to what Suna was saying. — Do you think you can handle cumming one more time for me, or do you want me to stop? — He asked, holding her face between his hands after leaving several light kisses all over her cheeks and lips.
— I-I can, yes, don't stop. I want more.
— What a good princess. — Suna whispered against yours lips opening a loving smile and it was almost as if it was possible to see hearts drawing in his pupils.
After that, the rest of his clothes were spread out on the floor around the bed and maybe, just maybe, an apprehension settled inside you as your eyes traveled down your boyfriend's athletic and now naked body and found the length of his cock. He was definitely above average and this made you unconsciously drag your body away a little, which did not go unnoticed by Suna, who put his hands on your lower back and squeezed it lightly as if to reassure you.
— Do you trust me? — He asked, leaning over your body and pulling you close again, your response was a slight positive nod. — If I said it wouldn't hurt, I'd be lying, but if you need me to stop, let me know. Don't be afraid to let me know everything you're feeling, okay, my love?
You responded with a minimal "Yes, Suna" to him and rested your hands on his shoulders, inevitably digging your nails into them as you felt him spread your legs to wrap them around his waist and place the tip of his cock against your entrance. He rubbed his cock between your folds a few times before holding you firmly and slowly invading your interior. You could feel every inch, every vein, but for the first few seconds the pain overpowered the pleasure and small tears rolled down your cheeks. You felt extremely breathless, as if your body was going to break, so Suna leaned over your body to wipe away yours tears with kisses and leaned his forehead against yours without being able to hold back a low grunt from the pleasure of having you squeeze him hard and the pain of feeling your nails raking the skin of his shoulders.
— My beautiful girl, relax, trust me. — He whispered, sliding his mouth down your neck and massaging your back gently. — You can relax for me, can't you? You can be a good girl for me, can't you? — His eyes were staring into yours seriously.
— Y-Yes, Suna, I can... just... — Your breath caught in throat as you felt him slowly continue to fill your insides until he could make you swallow him down. — Give me a few minutes, I'll be your good girl.
— Of course you will. — Suna stood completely still inside you, kissed your collarbones and licked your breasts lightly, never stoping to massage your lower back to give you the comfort he knew you needed.
Leaning your head against the pillows, you concentrated on making the feeling of discomfort and pain gradually disappear. Slowly your body began to move back and forth until you became accustomed to the presence of Suna's cock stretching you completely. Yours senses began to want more of that pleasurable impact, and soon the same spasms as before began to run through your back again.
— S-Suna? — You called him slyly and in a slurred voice. — C-Can you move, please?
— Sure, babe, anything for you. — He pulled you into a deep, loveable kiss before holding your face between his hands and beginning to move inside you, he was trying to analyze your expressions before he began to build up a proper pace.
Suna found that his girlfriend liked it too much when he arched his hips and came hard inside her, but came out slowly, in contrasting movements, so he did this several times just to see you squirming and begging for more of him. It was music to his ears. Your boyfriend's hands lodged around your waist and assisted you in moving back and forth on his dick as his knees rested against the mattress of the bed. At no time did he stop worshipping you and calling you affectionate nicknames through whispers in yours ears that would hardly be heard outside the room because of the sound of the bed banging against the wall and the moans coming out of your mouth.
The pleasure was overwhelming all of your ability to think rationally and yours lips were too busy alternating between giving lewd kisses against Suna's and taking light bites all over his neck. You could literally feel every bit of his skin against yours and it was driving you madder than you could or wanted to admit. The words of love he whispered to you were the complete opposite of his deep, strong thrusts inside you. But, as the minutes passed and your own boyfriend couldn't contain the erratic movements of his cock inside you, he switched positions leaving you on top of him. For the first few seconds your body almost came to a complete standstill with the new depth attained by his entire length and you couldn't help having curses come out of your mouth.
— I-It's so good... — Your body moved up and down against his cock slowly, wanting to prolong that feeling of having him stretching you. Watching you intently, Suna thrusts hard while holding your hips and moaned in unison with you because of the delicious sensation.
— Damn, you're so tight, you take me so well. — He pulled your torso to lean against his and let you partially lie on his body before he began thrusting himself deep inside you, hitting all the right spots inside you.
Everything about him seemed to push you to climax faster than you thought possible. Face flushed slightly, chest rising and falling rapidly, eyes half-closed, shoulders tense and mouth ajar to try to draw in more air. He looked more handsome than usual and completely given to you. That was definitely the man of your life; that's what was resonating in your mind as the tip of Suna's cock began to rub against your cervix and make you lose your head completely, finally reaching your second orgasm that had already left your senses bewildered, considering it was only your first time.
Suna still had so much to show you, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't excited by the idea of helping you figure out what you liked and didn't like about sex, but by now you were exhausted, so he ended up giving you just a few more thrusts against your walls that squeezed him deliciously before he pulled out and ended up cumming all over his own abdomen and soiling your thighs with some of his cum as well. You staggered to the side and he quickly helped you lie down on the bed as comfortably as possible, for a few seconds neither of you said anything, your boyfriend wanted you to first get your breath completely back.
— Did I hurt you? — He leaned on your shoulders and looked at you intently. — It was... — You interrupted him with a quick little kiss and smiled fondly.
— It was wonderful, I swear. It was better than I thought it would be, in fact, I thought it would hurt more. — It was hard to see Suna's cheeks flush, and this moment will go down in your memory as one of the few times your boyfriend was embarrassed. — I love you, you're perfect for me.
And after the two of you spent long seconds lying in bed exchanging kisses and caresses, Suna induced you to go take a shower with him to clean yourself and then "you both could do whatever you wanted for the rest of the day", because, he said during the shower:, aftercare was important, especially for "his princess”.
#suna#suna rintarō#suna smut#haikyuu smut#hq#hq suna#i4nanami#hq smut#haikyuu suna#suna rintarou#suna x reader#suna x y/n#suna x you#suna rintarou smut#suna rintaro#suna rintaro x reader
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Hey there!! Would you happen to have any headcannons on modern relationships with Shay, Arno and my boy Jacob? I have no idea if I phrased that right tho lol (I'm so sorry), english isn't my native language as well and it's like I forget it completely every time I try actually talking to ppl.
Hello there!
Don’t worry about your English I understood it perfectly!
Here are some headcanons I hope you will like!
Shay:
- Oh gods this man
- Surely he is experienced
- The most amazing lover you ever had
- Won’t shut up about his car or boat or whatever he owns in modern times
- He is devoted to you, loves you and makes sure you know it
- He can cook the best Irish stew in the whole world
- He makes sure there is always food in the fridge, the apartment is more or less clean and you are happy
- He can get jealous so easily and at that moments he is extra affectionate. He will wrap his arm around you, keep you close, play with your hand and if he sees someone starring at you he will kiss you in the most passionate way that would leave you breathless and with your heart pounding
- He loves travelling so often he would take you on long rides with a destination in a cute place he finds perfect for a date or will take you on his boat so you could spend some nice time in the middle of the ocean
- He actually can be romantic and when you are alone will whisper to your ear how much he loves and adores you
Arno:
- He is a romantic type, no point arguing
- Caring is his love language
- Arno is always there for you whenever you need him. Hard day at work? Here is a bath. Tough time at uni? He is there to grab all the books and food you need. Failing French classes? Who are we kidding, he would never let you fail French
- He is actually a decent cook so you can see him cooking dinner in “kiss the cook” apron. Morning breakfast served to your bed is nothing unusual with this man
- Arno also needs affection and love. He uses all the opportunity to touch you, hug you, kiss you. Even if you two are walking he makes sure to hold your hand or at least brush your finger every now and then
- He also loves self-care so your bathroom has better equipment than a spa. All those creams and aromas and cosmetics and peelings. Arno takes care of himself, he can’t stand dirt which means taking baths together. I bet my ass that he, at least once a month, have the whole ritual of you two taking bath with aroma candles and wine
- Sometimes Arno has moments of doubt when you need to show him all your love for him, assure him he is a perfect boyfriend and you would never have him any other way. On that days he is unusual silent so you know what is going on. You spend the whole day with him, proving to him how much you love him
Jacob:
- Mr Himbo.
- Mr Walking Lovable Disaster
- You would never get bored with him. Ever. Sometimes you wish you could, but it’s impossible
- This man cause mess and problems
- He cant cook. Literally. He tried, but so far he burned the stove, a few pots not to mention all the plates he broke so far. In this relationship, it’s either take out food or your cooking. Nothing in between.
- He is also messy. Pants on the floor? Yes. Shirt on the chair? Yup. His socks everywhere? Always.
- He cleans very rarely, usually after you either got mad at him or he fucked up so badly, he has to make sure you aren’t in a bad mood when you come home.
- Clean apartment? Hot food waiting on the table? His puppy eyes? Be sure as hell Jacob Frye fucked up something again
- But on a positive note, he really does love you and he loves showering you with affection. He always knows what you want and always tries to deliver. You mentioned once that you want to go to a certain amusement park? He has tickets. You were looking a few second too long on clothes? He knows your size and the said clothes are waiting for you in a pretty box. You’re tired after a long day? He is there to massage your shoulder and make sure you will be fully relaxed by the end of the evening
- He is also so proud of being your boyfriend and sometimes he tends to be jealous. Will fight men hitting on you. Won’t fight women hitting on you, but will make sure they know you are taken
- Sometimes you can see him in this foul mood when he tries to push you away. It’s all because of his father influence; Jacob thinks he is not enough and is simply a disaster that one day will upset you so much that you will leave him alone. He knows he fucks up often but you actually like his shenanigans. They turn into funny memories eventually and you always make sure he knows it. You love him, he loves you and that’s all you two need.
#assassin's creed#assassin's creed syndicate#jacob frye#ac syndicate#ac: syndicate#arno dorian#assassin's creed unity#ac unity#asassins creed rogue#ac rogue#shay cormac#assassin's creed headcanon#luna writes#arno dorian x reader#jacob frye x reader#shay cormac x reader
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