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nami-moittli · 3 months

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Closeted tansfem Ortho headcanon (fuck, this is a full blown fic now, whoops):

So, I feel we can all agree that FG was Ortho’s transfem awakening, right?

(Starts to get my fanfiction hat on)

I think that when he went to his room that night after the gala, he, for some reason, didn’t want to take the body off. It felt… nice. Though he wasn’t sure why.

He played with the idea to enter sleep mode with it on, but he eventually decided to take it off. Thankful that he didn’t have any roommates due to moving into one of the unused rooms. (Even more grateful that Idia wasn’t there, though he had no idea why. He should speak to Idia about that…)

In the morning, he put on his normal happy face. He should be happy, the mission succeeded and without any casualties! Didn’t he do a good job? Silver, too! It was thanks to him that everything went well (though, not without some bumps, thanks to Jack and his sharp nose).

Jack complained about how Leona kicked him out of the dorm, and Yuu assured him that it’d probably last a week at most. Silver was oddly quiet, and the same could be said for Sebek, who was at least a few notches quieter than his normal volume, plus his eyes kept darting over to Silver. Knowing Sebek, Ortho’d have to check up on them later.

Three days had passed, yet Ortho still couldn’t stop thinking about the Gala. About how he looked. Finally, he took the body out to look at himself, finding that that night he had gone 6 hours, 15 minutes and 37 seconds staring at himself(?) in the mirror, from all different angles. (He(?) wondered how he’d(?) look with longer hair)

He(?) even pulled out his(?) Stargazer Gear the next day after school. He(?) wondered if he(?) was able to literally dream. When he(?) entered sleep mode, would his (?) powered off heart still be awake? What would it see, in those.

It had been five days, and the freshman that had become his(?) friends were starting to notice. They’d ask if he(?) was okay, and he’d(?) always respond the same, that he(.) was fine!

That didn’t stop their worrying though. At least it wasn’t as bad as Idia’s worries. (He(?) never managed to ask him about his(?) odd feelings. In fact, over the five days since the Gala, his(?) feelings on not telling his(?) brother about what he(?) was thinking about only seemed to strengthen.)

(It was bad. Ortho knew that. Yet every time he(?) tried to say something, it wouldn’t come out.)

(He(?) wasn’t sure what the worst part is.)

During Film Research Club, Vil Schoenheit would sometimes give him(?) odd looks. It felt as if Vil Schoenheit could see right through his(?) eyes and into his(?) soul.

(That was bad too. Avoiding Vil Schoenheit during practices. Finding a way out of every conversation while maintaining interest so as to not appear rude.)

(The thought of skipping entered his(?) mind every once in awhile. He(?) never followed through though, of course. Every thing was fine, so why should he(?)? He(?) probably just had a bug.)

On the seventh day after the Gala, though it felt like a million years, (Ortho didn’t realize how feelings could mess with your sense of time so. It suddenly made a lot more sense as to how living beings could loose track of time so easily) Ortho asked Yuu what it felt like to be a girl in an all boys school. It was something Ortho had always wondered about, but for some reason, this felt way more, real, than his(?) previous inquisitions.

When he asked Yuu, she gave him(?) a smile that made him(?) sure that she was the embodiment of the word agape.

(For some reason, he(?) felt like crying. He(?) wasn’t entirely sure why, though.)

Later that day, Ortho asked Epel Felmier what it was like to look so feminine, to always be mistaken as a girl.

Dispite Epel Felmier’s words, the experience didn’t seem that bad to him(?).

(He(?) felt as though their perspectives on him(?) had changed after their conversations. He(?) thinks hers(?) did too.)

That night, she(?) decided to try to modify her(?) Fairy Gala attire a little bit. Just longer hair that went down to the bottom of her(?) shoulder pieces.

She(?) liked how it looked on her(?) even more now, how the pink and blue hair lit up her(?) otherwise dark room.

(Maybe she(?) should do the same to her(?) Stargazer gear next.)

At Film Research Club that next day, Vil Schoenheit took her(?) aside and asked her(?) if she(?) wanted to play a female role this time in the next short film the club was making. He explained it as ‘wanting a more varied cast, and that having an all male cast of characters could only do so much in the long run. And with Ortho’s looks, “he” could easily pull off a feminine character, and no one who didn’t know “him” would be able to tell.’

(They both knew. And suddenly the feeling of Vil Schoenheit staring into her(?) very spirit didn’t seem as intrusive. In fact, it felt comforting now.)

(She(?) now tried to extend her(?) time with Vil Schoenheit now, rather than run away from it. Now, she(?) just tried to avoid Idia. A thought she(?) couldn’t even manage just a two weeks ago.)

By now, her(?) friends had caught onto the fact that something was wrong with her(?), though only Yuu, Epel Felmier, and maybe Ace Trappola, from the looks he gave her(?), had any idea as to what was wrong. (Or right, one could say.)

Her(?) friends would leave little presents for her(?), which was nice, though not always fully functional, like the pear-flavored sweets Jack Howl had left on her(?) desk one day were.

(She(?) appreciated the gesture though, as she(?) did with the dress Yuu (& Grim!) had made from an old curtain, the plushie of a bear with a pink poppy in its collar Epel Felmier made, the pink ribbon that had a white butterfly on it Ace Trappola gave her(?), the tamagotchi Sebek Zigvolt gave her(?) and the locket necklace that had a picture of all the freshman (minus Yuu, who Ortho could only assume was taking said picture) Deuce Spade gave to her(?). Among the other assorted trinkets that she’d(?) get from them. She loved and treasured them all.)

She(?) knew that it was bad that she(?) was avoiding her(?) big brother, so she(?) decided to spend some time with him in his room, playing Star Rouge II in his room, like they did before the fairies had decided that the Botanical Garden would be the best place to host their Gala this year.

It was nice, hanging out with Idia like this. Though for some reason, she(?) couldn’t let herself fully relax.

She(?) hated it.

She(?) spent the night alone in her(?) empty room, that should be holding four freshmen, with only her(?) pink flames to light the room as she(?) wondered what she(?) would dream about if she(?) was capable of doing so.

A week has passed by since then, and she’d(?) still hang out with her(?) friends, play a daring princess as she saves herself despite all the odds stacked against her in FRC, play Star Rouge II with Idia after that until it’s time to go back to her(?) own room, which she(?) then spends anywhere from 30 minutes to up to two hours staring at her(?) reflection, trying out different hairstyles and looking at herself(?) from every angle she(?) can, before finally entering sleep mode for the night.

This night, however, with her(?) Stargazer gear on, her(?) flaming blue hair tied up into two high pigtails, she(?) heard a knock on her(?) door.

Scrambling so as to not be seen like this, she(?) quickly heads to her(?) closet to hide and change into her(?) (unchanged) dorm uniform.

The voice from outside her(?) door wasn’t one she(?) was expecting though, as it was Ace Trappola who said, “Ortho! You in there? I want to talk.”

Realizing that it was just her fellow freshman, (plus one that probably knew) she(?), after a few moments of wondering, responded with, “Come in!”

The door opened with a mechanical “whoosh” sound as the copper haired boy entered the room that was way too big for one occupant.

Slowly, carefully, Ortho stepped out of her(?) closet, still in her(?) Stargazer gear, pigtails flaming up in all their glory. Though her(?) hair was not like her(?) brothers, and it wasn’t even her(?) Gala gear, she(?) was sure that the tips were tinted pink.

Ace Trappola’s eyes fell onto her(?) and she(?) started to spin a small lock of her(?) hair around her(?) right index finger. A seemingly nervous stim that she(?) had started to do ever since gaining a “heart.”

Ace Trappola just sighed at the sight of her(?) as he plopped down on her(?) bed.

“Sit down.” He told her(?). “Like I said, I wanna talk, and it’s going to be a bit awkward if you’re just floating there.”

Flicking the piece of flame out of her(?) hold, she(?) complied with his request and sat down next to him, giving a good distance of approximately two feet between them.

Ace Trappola gave her(?) an odd look, and she(?) felt the need to twirl her(?) hair once more. If it was down right now, then she’d(?) probably be running her(?) hands through the warm, but not burning fire.

“So,” Ace Trappola started. He let out another deep sigh and sat up straight to look at her(?). “I’m going to get straight to the point here, Ortho. Sorry if I’m wrong, though I doubt it, but,”

She(?) could’ve sworn her(?) metal chest tightened right then and there, as Ace Trappola said his next words.

“Are you trans?” He asked. It was like a weight had been lifted off of her body, yet at the same time, a new one had replaced it. (Or maybe it was always there, and she just never realized.)

She sat there for a moment, her processing skills were second to none, her amazing older brother made sure of that, but in this moment, it was like she needed an eternity to be able to speak again.

Thankfully, Ace Trappola snapped her out of it by saying, “Hit the nail right on the head, didn’t I?”

“Hm?” She blinked a few times as her hand fell to her lap from her hair. “Oh, yeah. You really did, Ace Trappola!” She chuckled lightly.

He looked at her for a moment before saying, “Figured. Ever since I saw you during the Gala, flying around in all of your pink, spring fairy glory, I knew that there was something off about you.”

That surprised her. “Really? You, you could tell back then?”

Ace Trappola smirked and let out a soft laugh as her laid down on the bed. “Not exactly, but yeah. I may not be as good as you when it comes to reading faces, but if I’m focusing hard enough, then I’d say I’m pretty accurate. And I had a really good view of the world thing too, so I could tell that something changed a bit at the runway.”

“Huh.” Ortho said, thinking about that. Ace Trappola may not have the best grades, but, he has shown to be very observant, hasn’t he? Something about that made her feel like she was smiling.

“At first I thought it was just you changing colors and all that,” he said, making a small jazz hand gesture when he said ‘changing colors.’ “But as time went on, I realized, ‘Oh. So that’s what’s wrong with her. She’s a her.’”

“Really?” She asked playfully.

Returning her tone, Ace Trappola sat up saying, “Well, not exactly, but that was the basics of it, yeah.”

Both teens let out a small laugh together.

“Well, now that that’s out of the way,” Ace Trappola started. “I have one more question.”

His mood became a bit more serious, and with the way he looked at her, she knew that he was going to say something that she probably wasn’t going to like.

“Oh really?” She asked, slightly apprehensively. “What is it?”

“Now, you don’t have to do it right now, but,” Ace Trappola said to her. “When are you going to tell Idia?”

Shit.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you avoiding him.” Ace Trappola said, as she looked away from him, instead finding interest in a spot in the corner of her large room. Her finger twirling a small part of her bangs. “Listen, it’s not like I’m forcing you to do anything, but you two are like, always together. I would’ve figured he’d be the first person you talked to about this.”

Ortho wished she could take in a breath right now, maybe it’d help calm her circuits.

“I,” she started carefully. “Wanted to tell him about this.”

Ace Trappola hummed an understanding, letting her know that she can continue.

“But, whenever I try,” She said, her hands falling into her line of sight. “I just, can’t.” She curled her fingers into fists.

“Uhuh.” Ace Trappola said. “And, why not?”

“Huh? Why not?”

“Uhuh. Why not?”

“I, I don’t know!”

“C’mon, you’re like, really smart. Plus, you’re always trying to find the root cause of things. I know you’ve thought about this before, Orth. Why not?”

Taking a moment to respond, she brought one of her legs up onto the bed. She wrapped her arms around it and buried her head in the crevice, saying, “I didn’t realize emotions would be this hard…”

Ace Trappola just lightly chuckled and said, “That’s fair. But, it’s still not an answer.”

Letting out a quiet groan as she shifted herself to sit crisscrossed on the bed, she then spoke, “You’re right… I do think it’s part of it though. It’s just, whenever I try, I just, can’t. And it’s really frustrating! Though, I think that it might be because…”

“Yeah? What is it?” Ace Trappola smiled, like he was gently nudging her on. It was kinda funny, it almost reminded her of whenever she would help him, Deuce Spade and Grim with their homework, letting them figure the answer out on their own. That thought made her want to laugh, but she needed to do this right now.

“I think, no. It’s because of the fact that I was built to be Ortho Shroud. An eight year old boy who died eight years ago. I know that I’m choosing to be Idia’s younger sibling now, but the thought of deviating from that, it’s… scary.”

That, felt good, to get off of her chest.

“Is that why you still look so young?” Ace Trappola asked. “Because you’re still imitating a dead eight year old?”

“Well, yes, but-“ She, admittedly, was not expecting him to focus on that part.

“But if he died eight years ago, then he’d be sixteen right now, too. So why’re you still holding onto both his age and his gender? Do I need to tell you to ‘just be yourself’?”

“I mean-“

“Oh, who am I kidding. That is what I’m doing right now.” He turned to look at her in the eyes. “Ortho, just be yourself. No matter who you’re supposed to be, you’re not anymore. Ever since you gained your heart, you’ve had the right to be able to choose who you are, no matter what. Just. Be. Yourself.”

Oh.

She felt water coming from her eyes, it soon started to pool and pour over her mask. It took a second to realize what it was. She wasn’t aware that she was able to cry.

“Oh, Ortho, are, you good?” Ace Trappola asked her, seeing a bit frazzled at the sight of her crying.

“I, I think so, yeah. I just, I think, that I needed to hear that.” She explained between wiping her face with her hands. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be doing much help.

“Do, uh, you need a tissue or something?” Ace Trappola asked.

That got a small laugh out of her. “Yes, probably, there should be a box in the lounge, if you don’t mind grabbing one.”

Ace Trappola nodded as he stood up to exit the room.

_—_—_

“Are you good now, for real this time?” Ace Trappola asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” She responded. “Thank you.”

He scoffed lightly and put a hand behind his head, grinning, “Heh, no problem! To be honest, I’m glad you just started crying. The last two times I’ve had to call someone out, it ended with a fight!”

“Really? When?” Ortho asked, a bit surprised.

“Oh y’know, Riddle’s overblot and that freaky ghost princess that was trying to kill your brother through a kiss.” He replied nonchalantly.

“Oh. Only we could say something like that happened so casually.” She laughed.

Ace Trappola returned it and said, “Yeah. It’s like every week some crazy shit happens to us. Think all my surprise and fear has long since drained away!”

The two freshmen laughed together for a little while, before Ortho spoke,

“I think I’m going to go tell Idia now.” She resolved.

“Got it.” Ace Trappola said. His smile and response was comforting. She was going to do this.

“Ah, I should probably get changed out of this now though, thank you again, Ace Trappola.”

“Course. I think it’s just my job to call people out now, and you’re one of my best friends. I ain’t gonna let you just stay like that.”

“I’m one of your best friends?”

“Uh, yeah? Duh. Anyway, I best be going now. Good luck on talking to your brother, Orth!”

And with that, he left.

She felt as if she could take on the world, right about now. What’s having one little conversation with her brother?

—————

And I’m done with this! Sorry if you wanted a conversation between the Shroud sibs, but I do NOT feel like doing that 👍

I’m leaving this up to your ✨imagination✨

Anyway, hope y’all liked it. This was not meant to be a fic a first, but oh well. I think it turned out pretty well. I’m probably gonna reread this later and find a million mistakes, but that’s fairly normal, so idrc rn!

Anyway, go vote Ortho transfem: @transfemtwsttourney

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst ortho #transfem ortho #ortho twisted wonderland #ortho twst #ortho shroud #transfem twst tournament #twst fic #twst ace #twst vil #twst idia #not tagging everyone #twst first years

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