love you in slow motion (psh) | three.
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—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.
—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader
—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut
—word count: 9.7k
—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, hints of a kiss (in a dream), feeling slightly hot & bothered by said dream lol, lots of overthinking (i mean lots!), some jealousy, san takes oc out to a casual dindin, ppl reallllly pushing for the oc x hwa agenda lol, some more seonghwa x oc x charli time, mixed signals, theyre both just sooooo scared of each other lol, sleepover!, sorry if i missed anything since i quickly edited to get this up 🫶🏼
—a/n: hi! sorry for the late update hehe hope you enjoy! the next updates might be a bit slower than usual (and as you can guess, my posting schedule is all sorts of messed up now 💀) but i promise i'll get them up asap! <33
You don't know where you're at.
You're standing in the middle of the road, and it's pouring rain. You're drenched, and the only goal you have right now is to get to the house on the opposite end of the street. You start your walk, picking up your pace as much as possible to get out of the rain. However, with every step you take, you find that you aren't actually moving.
Just stuck in place.
You're trying to run now, but the house only seems to be getting further. You're dying to get out of the rain, the wet seeping through your skin; chilling every bone in your body. You feel yourself starting to cry, but nothing is coming out.
Nothing.
You're just stuck.
Suddenly, someone appears out onto the road ahead of you and you stop. You stop in your tracks, but somehow, you aren't afraid. Their figure feels familiar, their aura comforting. He stands tall, his wavy black hair resting beautifully on his head. He sees you and walks over, an umbrella shielding him from the rain.
"Hwa?" You look up when he finally gets in front of you, a small frown forming at the corners of his lips.
"What's wrong, Y/N?" You shake your head and start crying, while Seonghwa throws his coat over your shoulder and brings you close. "Hey, what's going on?"
"I-I couldn't get to the house—" You point down the street.
"Sh, it's okay. I'm here now. Okay? I'm here." He continues to hold you close, despite your damp clothes against his own. His touch his comforting, his hand pressed at the small of your back.
"Where were you?"
"I'm right here with you." He pulls back slightly, hand coming to tilt your chin. "I'm always right here." His thumb gently caresses your chin. Before you know it, his lips are inches away from yours, seconds away from crashing into yours.
And it happens.
Seonghwa presses his lips to yours and you can't describe the feeling running through your body—
This is by far the second, or third dream you've had with Seonghwa recently, and you're not sure what your mind is trying to tell you. But, you're caught off guard when you realize your heart is thumping out of your chest, and there's this weird aching sensation in between your—
"Shit." You gasp, feeling flustered that you're finding your body reacting to Seonghwa in this way. You dig your head into the pillow, groaning at the thought of seeing Seonghwa in a new light.
But, the thought was here. It had made a home in that itty bitty corner of your brain, now on a mission to haunt you forever.
And maybe, just maybe, it was time to finally face it.
You turn onto your back, staring at the ceiling. It's randomly 3:34am in the morning, and you don't seem to be the least bit sleepy. You let out a heavy sigh and pick up your phone, pulling up your call log and almost pressing Hwa's name by instinct.
Pause.
You've always called Seonghwa when you've had a bad dream, when you simply couldn't sleep, when you just needed company; but tonight, you weren't sure what you were gonna call Seonghwa for.
You just know you're longing for him. Specific reasoning unknown.
"Hwa." You kinda whine into the phone, but Seonghwa is too busy moving around in his bed.
"Mmm? Is everything okay?" He groans even though he picks up like he always does— even if he's half-asleep and on the verge of falling back asleep in 0.2 seconds.
"I can't sleep."
"Bad dream or something? Where's Charli?" You hear him mumble against his pillow, but it's still clear enough for you to hear.
"Yaya wanted her tonight." You turn onto your side, letting the phone sit on the edge of your pillow. "And uh, no. I just woke up randomly."
"So.. try shutting your eyes, Y/N." He sighs a bit.
"I can't. Can you stay on the phone with me for at least 5 minutes?"
"I'm here, aren't I? What's gotten you so shaken up?" He finally hears it in your voice, another small whine and a drip of neediness. And for you, Hwa knows that only means two things:
Something bad happened.
Or, something good that you can't make sense of.
"Nothing."
"Okay." He lets it go. "Maybe you should drink melatonin or tea before bed again." He mumbles again.
"Yeah." You lay on your back again, shutting your eyes as you listen to Seonghwa breathe softly through the phone. It isn't long before you feel your eyes getting heavy, immediately finding comfort in Seonghwa's soft snores.
The next morning, Seonghwa vaguely remembers the phone call, and for a second, he thinks it's a dream. But, when he turns over and sees his phone still connected to the call, he smiles to himself as it's his turn to listen to your soft snores.
He's glad you were able to fall back asleep. It normally doesn't take much, but he takes some kind of pride knowing he's always the first thing that comes to mind when you need comfort, safety. He feels something swell in his chest, and he's not sure what to make out of it.
What to do with it.
When he feels confident that you'd be okay, he ends the call and gets himself up for the day— barely ready to face another day of work. He doesn't like when his sleep is interrupted, and truthfully, it does fuck up his mood. Kinda throws him off balance.
But if it's you, he'll sacrifice. Because he just wants you to be okay, to be happy. He's seen you cry and hurt more times than he'd like to admit.
More times than he's seen you smile.
That's all he really cares about.
You.
"Goodmorning grandpa!" Woo smiles at him. "You look tired, what happened?"
"Just had a broken sleep, is all."
"You sure that's it?"
"Mhm." He looks down at Wooyoung with a brow raised before filling up his water bottle. As expected, Wooyoung doesn't let it down easily and Seonghwa should've been better prepared. "What?" Is all he can respond with this early in the morning, while Wooyoung is beaming with energy and smiling all up in his face.
"Dude, just tell me." Wooyoung smirks at him. "It bothers you, huh? You didn't expect San to actually shoot his shot with Y/N."
"I shouldn't have asked." Seonghwa shakes his head. "Can you just.. get out of my face first?" Wooyoung laughs and sits on the edge of the treatment table, feet dangling back and forth while he waits for Hwa to respond.
"So. Does San shooting his shot with Y/N make you angry?"
"Why would it make me angry? If they're happy, then that's all that matters. I can't control her life, and I'm not gonna get in the way of that."
"But, your feelings." Seonghwa pauses and shrugs, continuing to put a few supplies away.
"I'm not gonna be that person."
"I wish you would just tell her." Wooyoung whines a bit. "I love Sannie, but I think we all know what's truly meant to be."
"We don't." Seonghwa sighs. "Anyway, I want them to figure this out. And if it works, then it does. I'll be happy for them. Point blank period."
"It would hurt though, wouldn't it? Because it's Sannie. Not just some random."
"Course it would." Seonghwa mutters lowly, in hopes of Wooyoung not catching on. But, he does. He sadly catches on. As much as he loves his friends, he truly wishes Seonghwa could just be happy. He knows Hwa could find that in the right places had he just looked. But, he also knows true, genuine happiness would be wherever you are. With you.
He hopes he'll see it come to fruition one day.
The more Seonghwa talks about it though, the more it does hurt him. Because one day, he was planning out how to say this to you. How to sort out his feelings, how to be honest. Finally face the fact that after all these years, he's really loved you.
Then the next day, he's having to can it and scrape the entire thing. Throw the whole damn thing in the trash. Because if it's one thing he does, it's put his friends before himself. Even if it meant sacrificing and killing himself in the process. That's just who he is and he'll remain true to it no matter how much it hurts.
But damn, does it fucking hurt.
"It doesn't matter cause it'll blow over eventually." Hwa turns over his shoulder, hearing a few athletes stroll into the training unit. "Done with this?" He looks at Wooyoung with a brow cocked up.
"Yeah." Wooyoung hops off the table and gets himself together, Seonghwa already greeting the athletes as they walk into the room for their sessions.
"What're you doing later?" Hongjoong pops a chocolate almond into his mouth as he lazily lies down on San's bedroom floor, tired from the workout session they just came back from.
"I'm going to dinner with Y/N." San gives him a dimpled, toothless smile as he stands in front of his closet, wondering what to wear for later.
"Oh, right." Hongjoong yawns. "Is it like.. a casual thing, or like a date-date?"
"Uh, I guess casual?"
"Then why are you standing in front of your closet like it's supposed to be a date-date?" Hongjoong peeks from over the edge of his phone. "And why do you look so nervous?" Hongjoong furrows his brows at San wiping his grubby hands on his shorts.
"I'm not!"
"Mhm. I'm calling Seonghwa." Hongjoong snorts.
"Why would you say that?" San whines a bit. "Can you be honest with me? Is this wrong?"
"I thought it was a casual thing!" San groans.
"It is! But I swear, no matter what, I always feel a little guilty because of Hwa."
"You know for the most part, everyone's just teasing, right?"
"Right, but..?"
"But you know how those two are." Hongjoong sits up. "I don't even mean to discourage you because I know Seonghwa would tell you to go for it.. but you and I both know he's had it for her for years."
"Yeaaaah." San elongates his response with a sigh mixed in. "I don't know. I thought I'd just try and see where things go. I'm not gonna lie, I'm curious even though I probably will never amount to Hwa."
"Don't say that, dude." Hongjoong lets out a small chuckle. "It's just their dynamic, how they are. But, it seems to be fine for them both? At the end of the day, I know Seonghwa would just want Y/N to be happy and that's all that matters. Whatever that looks like."
"Has she ever talked about it? I haven't been here so I don't really know what's been going on between them."
"Nah. Quite frankly, it's the elephant in the room that no one wants to address."
"So, they've just been like that? Nothing's actually changed?"
"Nope. Same ol' Y/N and Seonghwa you know."
"Has Hwa dated anyone?"
"I mean, he's messed around but he hasn't really seriously dated anyone since Linh."
"Okay, so awhile." San nods to himself. "Damn, I don't know. Should I try asking her about it? We are catching up, that's really the main point of this."
"Sure?" Hongjoong shrugs. "I doubt she'd say anything though. Babygirl hasn't opened up to anyone about that and I don't think she will. Just go and enjoy your dinner with Y/N. Whatever happens, happens. Seonghwa will be Seonghwa, and he'll be supportive no matter what." San shakes his head.
"Yeah, I guess so. I just feel kinda bad for even having the thought."
"Seriously. It'll be fine. He'd tell you the same thing, I promise." San shrugs, pushing the idea to the back of his mind. The whole point was to mainly have time to catch up alone, though San isn't gonna shy away from the fact that he is curious to see if he'd have a chance with you.
He knows Hwa would be supportive, but it doesn't stop him from feeling bad. He doesn't wanna hurt anyone, especially friends he hasn't seen in years.
"Should I just wear this sweater?" San turns to Hongjoong, flashing a black sweater his way. Hongjoong is quick to give him a look, immediately shaking his head before laying back down onto the ground; hand tucked behind his head.
"Ew, no. Just throw on a shirt and wear that jacket or something." Joong points at San's black leather jacket. "Black jeans, boots. Simple, but nice."
"You're good at this."
"I thought you'd learn a few things in Barcelona over the past years." Joong shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh. "Guess not."
"Fuck you, dude." San scoffs, heading to the bathroom to get ready.
It's another 30 minutes before San is finally satisfied with how he looks, rushing Hongjoong out of the door as he grabs his keys and wallet. He's shooting a text your way to let you know he'll be there in a few minutes, and that he'd like to say hi to Yaya and Charli before taking you away for dinner. You simply chuckle and set your phone aside, walking into a cloud of perfume before dabbing some lip gloss onto your lips.
"Who are you eating with, Titi Y/N?"
"One of my good friends, San. You'll meet him soon. He's going to come say hi."
"San?"
"Mhm."
"Is Uncle Hwa his friend, too?"
"Yes." You look at her and brush her hair back. "They're really good friends."
"Is Uncle Hwa going?"
"No, pea."
"Why not?"
"Uncle Hwa has other things to do, too."
"But, Uncle Hwa is always with you—" At this point, Yaya gently knocks on the door and pokes her head in, calling for Charli to come towards her.
"Chacha, let's go." Yaya takes her hand. "We can watch a movie until Auntie Y/N comes back." Yaya looks at you. "Is Sannie almost here? I want to see him—"
"Well, speaking of him." You look over her shoulder and wave at San, who is shyly smiling and waving back. He digs his hands into his pockets and walks over, a subtle rosy tint settling on the surface of his cheeks. It's been a long time, he feels. He hopes Yaya still remembers him and adores him the same way.
"Oh, my Sannie." She says, cupping his cheeks. "It's been awhile, look at you! Still so, so handsome!" He shyly chuckles.
"Hi Yaya. It's nice to see you, too." She dusts off his jacket and continues to throw small compliments his way.
"Promise me you'll stick around next time. I wanna hear your stories, too. I'm sure it was beautiful in Barcelona."
"Yeah, it was fun! It's a date." He smiles before shifting his attention to you and Charli, who is shyly pressing herself against your legs while quietly observing him. "Is this the cutie I've heard all about? Charli?"
"Sure is." You gently squeeze her shoulders. "Say hi, Chacha. That's Titi Y/N's friend, San."
"Hi." She waves before tucking her face into your legs.
"She's really not that shy once she warms up to you." Yaya laughs. "Come on, pea. I've got our movie and popcorn ready to go." She runs to Yaya and grabs her hand. "You two have a good dinner!"
"Thanks, Yaya." San gives her one last hug before waving at Charli. "Shall we?" You nod, walking alongside of him to the car. As always, San opens your door first before climbing in the driver's seat. It's a little quiet and awkward at first because it has been some years since you two have talked. You're sure things have changed for San and vice versa.
But, when you get to the restaurant, you realize he's still the same San you've known all these years.
He awkwardly swings his arm around you, giving your shoulder a small squeeze as you enter the restaurant. He's stiff, unsure of what to do with himself around you, and it kinda makes you giggle.
He's always been like that.
When the host brings you towards the back to your table, his hand slips into yours and it feels.. unnatural for whatever reason. Everything just seems too forced for two people who probably truly adore each other as friends and nothing more. Which, is fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Reality hits you quick when you sit and smile at San in front of you. You know it's not a serious date, and you feel a tad bit bad feeling relieved that it isn't. Even though San looks incredibly good and so, so handsome, the initial infatuation has slipped away from you because San is one of your bestfriends and that's how you've always cherished him.
"So." You giggle when he flips through the menu and shifts in the seat. "How's everything been, Y/N?"
"I don't know, same old, I guess? Yaya's still healthy and going, Soyeon and Junseo are good. Charli's good. Restaurant is busier than ever."
"That's good. Yoongi's still there?"
"Yeup! Jini is there, too. I don't think you've met her, but she's a college student working part-time. My life saver honestly, she gives me a lot of breaks." San chuckles. "How's your family? I'm sure they're happy to have you back."
"Yeah, they're good. They're the same, too. Not much has changed." Your phone dings and it's Seonghwa sending you a random tweet that only you two would understand. He sends the laughing emoji, followed by another text about it.
"Sorry." You click your phone on the side to lock it.
"It's all good. But, yeah. They're the same."
"Your parents come to the restaurant from time to time."
"I know, they love it there. They've just been so busy lately with renovating the house that they're barely going out."
"Aw." You chuckle.
"Are you good to order?" You nod, swiftly apologizing when you accidentally kick San's foot under the table before ordering. The silence between you two isn't entirely unsettling, but it does feel weird after years of being away from each other. Plus, San feels like's trying way too hard to make this go a certain way when he shouldn't.
He's too fixed on it.
"San." You call for him when you find him glancing out the window nervously. "You okay?" You lean onto the palm of your hand and give him a smile.
"Sorry. I'm just nervous and I don't know why."
"Don't be. We've always been friends. Nothing has changed between us." He looks at you and the statement kinda breaks his heart. Maybe you two were really just meant to be friends. "Tell me! How was the program? Barcelona?"
"Ridiculously hard. I literally had no life, kinda why I fell off the grid and barely posted or anything."
"I'm sure it was worth it, no?"
"Definitely. Everything there is so different there. In a good way, though. It felt like a breath of fresh air for me."
"Did you date anyone?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess I'll tell get into that later." He clears his throat. "What about you, though? Are you into anyone?"
"Uh, no. And, I haven't really been seeing anyone."
"Mingi?"
"It was complicated, but I'm finally done with that." You poke at the appetizer that was brought out.
"I'm glad because he doesn't deserve you."
"Hm." You hum. "But otherwise, not much has changed. I think." San watches how you quickly pick up the phone when it dings again, and although it's not really an issue, he can tell how much your body language shifts from the text alone.
It's probably Hwa.
"Y/N. You're one of my really good friends, right?" You giggle and nod.
"Yeah, Sannie."
"So, can I ask you something? I want you to be completely honest with me."
"Of course."
"Is there anything going on between you and Hwa?" You look at him, down at your phone and then back at him. Because no, you're not really sure how to answer the question. Yes, but no? If this were any other day, you'd probably answer confidently. But today, things felt different. You can't say no without automatically second-guessing yourself.
"N-no? Why would you ask that? We've always been this way."
"I know, but. I just.." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Nevermind. It's probably dumb."
"No, tell me." He looks up at you just as he lets out a small breath, cocking his head to the side.
"Don't call me lame or make fun of me, okay?"
"Sannie." You let out a small, playful but defeated chuckle. "I won't, you know me." You take a bite from your plate.
"I don't know, I'm not going to lie. I've always had a little crush on you since we've known each other, and coming back, I truthfully thought it was a phase that might have gone away. It's not. I still have that crush on you, and I thought I'd see where it goes but—" San is rambling and you can't help but let out a small giggle at how frustrated he's getting. "I— I'm rambling. Sorry."
"No, San. It's okay."
"My point is, I thought there was a chance to explore this.. this time around." He gives you a tiny pursed smile. "But, if I'm being honest. I can see the way Seonghwa looks at you. I think we all can."
"Um. I don't know what to say? I don't think he sees me that way."
"Y/N." He cocks his head to the side, giving you a look as to say 'you know better than that.'
"Seriously!"
"What about you, though?"
"He's my bestfriend. Of course I love him and adore him to bits." You avoid eye contact and San isn't sure why that's the telling sign for him. But, you've deflected and didn't really answer the question. So, he's not sure what else to think.
"Are you happy?"
"I am."
"Truly happy? With how everything is?"
"I-I don't know. I think so. I'm.. content." He nods because for whatever reason, that answer tells him a lot more than it probably tells you.
"The last thing I wanna do is ruin things between my friends."
"I—We're just friends, Sannie." You don't even realize how low and pained your voice sounds when you let the response slip from your lips. "I think this is as good as it gets for us." San just looks at you because he notices how you nervously fiddle with your fork and poke with your food. Avoid eye contact. Respond lowly. Maybe you just hate talking about the topic in general. Maybe you do like Seonghwa and you're in denial. Whatever it is, San doesn't think this is as good as it gets for you two.
Which, truthfully, is a little heartbreaking for him. He kinda saw it coming. Everyone did. He just thought there was a possibility since he came back and you two were still just friends.
San can tell Seonghwa will always be number one for you. And that's okay. He's glad he is. You two work well together, and Seonghwa will put his life down for you over anyone. He's just sad because he believed he had a chance and today confirms he doesn't. He never did and he probably won't in the future.
This is as good as it gets for you two— you two as in you and San.
"Y/N." He calls for you once more when he notices your attention drifting off to the food on your plate, avoiding all eye contact.
"Hm?" You hum with a tiny smile.
"You know it's totally okay if there is, right?" You sigh and shrug. "You should just go for it."
"It's just not that easy."
"Whatever it is, I just want you to be genuinely happy." You pause. "And I truthfully think the answer has been in front of you the entire time."
"Can't get anything past you, can I?" You joke and give him a tiny, toothless smile.
"I'm afraid not." He laughs.
"I missed you." You let out a breath, cocking your head to the side as you observe him. Overall, he seems okay. He seems good. He seems happy.
You adore this Sannie, and you will always adore and cherish him the same way you always have.
"I missed you, too."
"So, can we talk a bit more about what else you've been up to over there? Your dating stories?"
"I'd be happy to tell you more." San smiles and continues to tell you about his adventures in Barcelona while the two of you dig into your main courses. Exploring and being on his own for the most part. He finally opens up about dating while he was out there, and how he had a few one night stands. He met a girl he did actually get into a rather serious relationship with, but he ended things since he knew he was coming home and didn't want her to plan her life around him. He wasn't the type to do long-distance relationships simply because he knew he wouldn't be able to pull it off.
The rest of dinner goes by smoothly, the two of you thoroughly enjoying each other just letting things be. Dinner made you realize that you missed having San by your side, and it made you remember all the times in college when you sat up late nights talking about everything and anything while everyone was asleep. You missed having that connection with him, and it feels good to have it back.
Though, you won't lie that San is incredibly attractive and someone you'd definitely fall for in another lifetime; being this way, not forcing things between you two and rebuilding your friendship after years felt the most right.
Your heart was just in another place.
When you get home, San opens your door and gives you a quick hug and a kiss to the temple before bidding you goodnight and sending his love to Yaya and Charli. It's just about Charli's bedtime so you quickly pick her up from the house to let Yaya rest and get her ready for bed with a quick wash up. Just as you respond back to Seonghwa's text, a call comes through on your phone from Soyeon.
"Hey." You press the phone against your shoulder while you continue to brush Charli's hair before bed.
"How's my daughter doing?"
"Good. Having the time of her life without you guys, actually." Soyeon laughs.
"Well, at least she isn't giving you problems."
"How's Japan?"
"Good! Warm. Fun."
"Gonna bless me with another niece or nephew?"
"Can you not?" You laugh.
"Doesn't hurt to ask, jeez."
"Anyway." She clears her throat. "I meant to call because I wanted to ask you about your dinner with San."
"You remembered?"
"Course I did, the heck? I was hoping to hear some juicy details by now."
"Nothing juicy. He's still the same Choi San." You chuckle.
"So, I'm guessing your little crush was actually just a little crush."
"Hey, he's attractive." You shrug. "But, I think we're always just going to be friends."
"Hm, cause of Hwa?"
"Now, why would you say that?"
"I digress."
"No please, enlighten me. Because even San had asked me if there was anything going on between us."
"Did he now? What'd you say?"
"Yeah, he did. And I said no, because what would be going on between me and Hwa?"
"Nothing." She sighs. But the silence definitely doesn't last long. "You know what, actually. I do appreciate San asking you that question. I wish you'd stop brushing it off." You sigh.
"What am I possibly brushing off?"
"The fact that you probably have feelings for your bestfriend, too. You're just afraid to admit it because you're afraid of things changing, or that Hwa doesn't actually feel the same. We can all see it, Y/N."
"I highly doubt it, it's just how we've grown to be."
"Girl, that man will lay down his life for you and drop everything just to be there for you in a heartbeat. He's done that for you since ever. You still think he doesn't feel that way for you?" Silence. "I'm just saying. A bestfriend doesn't always have to be at your beck and call because you're two different individuals running two very different lives. But quite frankly, Seonghwa is the one exception to that. He puts you before anything and anyone without question. If that ain't true, genuine love Y/N, I don't know what it is."
"You guys make this hard."
"Do we, or are you making it hard for yourself?" You sit and pause some more, quickly running through all of the moments Seonghwa has come to save you throughout the years. Be there for you. Lend an ear. Hug you and console you. Stay up with you. Find you in the rain when your ex-boyfriend let you leave. Held your hair back during shitty, wasted nights. Catered to you while you were sick. Helped your family; Soyeon, Yaya, Charli.
He was so, so immersed in your life that you didn't even realize how much he was. How deep it had gone for you and Seonghwa. How much Seonghwa had been there for you, more than you for him. There was no comparison.
Yet, he never complained once.
He never complained about putting you first.
"Mm, well. Just putting my two cents out there. You know I love you, right? And I just want you happy. Someone like Mingi doesn't deserve a good, beautiful person like you." Soyeon tries to cushion the blow, lecture, whatever you wanna call it, by reminding you about how much she cares for you.
"I know. I love you, too."
"Well, let me know how the aquarium goes tomorrow. And think about it, okay?"
"Mhm. Be safe with Junseo."
"Will be!" She ends the call, leaving you to sit and ponder on your thoughts longer than you'd like. Soyeon was right. You were just afraid, though. Why would Seonghwa have feelings for you like that when you two have known each other for long? You're convinced he'd always see you as his bestfriend, a pain in the ass, the one that he could never explore those territories with.
Today had you questioning everything. Revisiting everything, wondering what signs you've possibly missed. Your dreams. And now, you can't get it out of your head that maybe, you do love your bestfriend. That maybe, your heart was being saved for him. You can't deny the fact that you're curious.
"What's Uncle Hwa doing?"
"I don't know, pea. Probably busy." You finish brushing her hair and let out a breath, relieved Jini was able to help close up tonight and give you a break tomorrow. You were exhausted and you didn't realize just how much.
"Can you call him?"
"Cha, I'm sure he's busy."
"Call, Auntie Y/N. Please." She whines and you sigh, picking up the phone to Facetime Hwa.
"We're seeing him tomorrow, Charli."
"Ya, but.." Is all she responds with, eyes glued to the tv screen. "I w-wanna talk to Uncle Hwa."
"About what?"
"Tomorrow."
"He'll come." When Hwa finally picks up the Facetime call, you're only able to see his forehead and his eyes through the screen.
"What?" You furrow your brows at his incredibly sweet greeting.
"Jeez, hi to you, too."
"What're you calling me for?"
"For the record, it's not me calling you. Chacha wanted to talk to you for whatever reason." You hand her the phone. "Here, talk to your oh so loving Uncle Hwa." He snorts.
"Uncle Hwa!" She holds the phone loosely, also only showing off her tiny forehead and eyes through the camera.
"Yes, baby?"
"Are we still going to the aquarium tomorrow?"
"Yeah, we are. I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?"
"Okay." She giggles. "With Auntie Y/N, right?"
"Only because she asked to come." You glare at him from afar while fixing in your bathroom.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Laying down. Did you eat?"
"Mama made ramen."
"Hm, okay."
"Say goodbye, Cha. We have to go to bed."
"Oh. I have to go, Uncle Hwa." She looks down into the camera, making Seonghwa chuckle at how cute she looks. "Bye bye!"
"Sleep well, pea." Seonghwa says before clearing his throat. "Actually, can you put Auntie Y/N on the phone really quickly, please?"
"Titi Y/N!" Charli yells loudly. "Phone, phone, phone!"
"Okay, thank you!" You grab the phone from her, Charli running to your bed and getting under the blankets. "What is it?"
"What time do you guys wanna head to the aquarium tomorrow? Do you wanna go as soon as it opens in the morning?"
"Why, do you have other plans?"
"No, I'd rather just get in there when there isn't a big crowd yet."
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Breakfast, too?"
"Okay. So, what time should we be ready?"
"9am?"
"Okay."
"Well." Seonghwa shifts in his position. "If you need me again tonight, don't. I'm busy."
"Shut up, doing what?"
"Busy not picking up your calls."
"You idiot." He laughs.
"See you tomorrow. Give Cha a kiss for me." You look into the camera and roll your eyes before shutting off the call and getting into bed with Charli.
"Want some more?" Seonghwa looks at Charli as she eats a tiny cut of his pancake. She happily nods, picking at a blueberry off to the side of her plate. He cuts her a few tiny pieces, setting it onto the top. "What about you?" He looks at you.
"Can I have a little bite?"
"Here." He cuts you a half of his pancake and sets it on your plate.
"Uncle Hwa!"
"Mhm?"
"Do we get to see the penguins? A-and seals? A-and snakes, and jellyfishies, and starfishies!" Seonghwa laughs and nods, setting his empty plate aside.
"Yeah, we'll get to see all of that." Hwa calls the waitress over and immediately hands her his card to pay for the meal.
"Finish your food, pea. We'll see them as soon as you do."
"I'm done! I'm done!" She giggles.
"One more." Hwa forks the last piece of the pancake slice, popping it into her mouth before wiping away at it.
"I'm ready!" The waitress hands Seonghwa the receipt, giving him the opportunity to sign off on their receipt copy before tucking his away in his wallet.
"Good, me too!" He smiles at her and carries her out of the restaurant. You trail behind, watching as Seonghwa points at the birds flying around near the beach. The aquarium and restaurant were nestled on a small street right by the beach, gift shops and other cafes sitting alongside of them. It surprisingly isn't too busy yet, though you know the street and the aquarium will become crowded in the next hour or so. Seonghwa pauses in his steps and turns to wait for you while Charli continues to point out the seagulls sitting on the edge of the wooden rail that lines the walkway to the beach.
"Let me pay for the aquarium tickets."
"Nah, it's good. Don't worry about it."
"Hwa, you paid for our breakfast already."
"It's okay." He looks at you. "I wanted to take Charli out today."
"Oh, not me?"
"Not really." You playfully pinch him, causing Hwa to let out a small groan and a laugh. "I'm kidding. Seriously, it's not a big deal."
"Thank you." You give him a cute, toothless smile. After Charli finishes observing the seagulls around the beach, the three of you continue to walk towards the aquarium. Cars are slowly piling into the free spots on the road, and the street is becoming busier by the minute. The three of you wait at the corner of the street, waiting for the walk sign to come on in order to cross and finally make it to the aquarium. Just as the light turns red and switches the walk sign on, you step forward to make it across. But, you pause in your steps when you realize the oncoming car isn't stopping any time soon and Seonghwa picks up on it quick. He grabs onto your hand tightly and pulls you back, keeping Charli close to his side when the car continues to run the red light— barely slowing its speed.
"Idiot." He mutters to himself before looking at you, the both of your hands clasped together. "Careful."
"Thanks, pichu." He gives you a tiny smile before leading the way down the crosswalk, still holding onto your hand with Charli on his other. You like the way Seonghwa's hand fits so effortlessly into yours, the way it feels so natural, so meant to be—
"Uncle Hwa! Look!" Charli releases her grip from Seonghwa's hand and runs towards the seal statue near the ticket window. Seonghwa lets go of yours in an effort to run after her and make sure she doesn't wander too far, leaving you behind; suddenly feeling cold, empty. He doesn't spare a look back at you, busy snapping Charli's pictures while she poses next to the statue. You slowly head over, chuckling as Charli directs him on how to shoot the pictures.
"Look." Seonghwa shows her the pictures. "I'll send it to your mom and dad."
"Aw, Chacha. You look so cute. Who taught you how to pose like that?"
"You. And Mama." You laugh, fixing her piggytails while Seonghwa sends the pictures off and heads over to the window to buy the tickets. You hold onto Charli's hand as you two slowly approach the entrance, Seonghwa waving the tickets in the air to show off to Charli before handing it to the person at the door.
It's a slow start at first, with Charli glued to your hip as she holds your hand— bright eyes full of curiosity as they examine the surroundings. Seonghwa grabs a pamphlet that has the aquarium map included, suggesting to go straight into the marine life and coral reef section. As you walk in, the area is dimly lit, with the only light from the tanks bouncing off of the walls. Charli's eyes glow as she runts to the first tank full of jellyfish swimming around. She squeals when she waddles over to the clownfish touch pool, Seonghwa coming to her side and guiding her little finger across the surface to get a feel for their calcified skin. You giggle when she whines a bit at the feeling, Seonghwa reassuring her that they wouldn't bite or bother her.
Safe to say she was over it pretty quickly.
Eventually, you reach the coral reefs. Your eyes light up as you scan the entire tank against the wall, a variety of sea life co-existing and swimming through the clean waters. You sit Charli on the edge of the rail while you hold her close, letting her get up close and personal to the variety of fish swimming around the reefs. She looks up in awe, squealing and giggling to her heart's content when they pass her by and go along their merry way. Seonghwa comes from behind, surprising you with how close his chest is to your back.
"Chacha, did you see that?" He points from behind, chest now barely grazing your back. Any other time, you probably wouldn't have cared or looked into it much. But for some reason, today is different. You're not sure if it's because of the dream you had, or Soyeon's phone call— either or, or both. But today is different. You can't help but fix on how close Seonghwa's face would be if you were to turn to your left, on how he could literally engulf you in his arms and hold you close.
And the funny thing is, you don't think you'd push him away or dislike it one bit.
As if the universe was tuning into your thoughts, a fish comes swimming closely near the glass, causing Seonghwa to press up against your back and hold Charli's hand to the surface. He doesn't seem to pay any attention to what he's doing, chuckling with Charli as he continues to tell her what kind of fish it is. This might be a normal thing to him but to you, it's not.
Because now, your heart is beating against your chest [you hope to God he doesn't feel it]. Your palms feel sweaty. You're swallowing the lump in your throat. The room feels a teeny bit hotter.
"Titi Y/N, let's go!" Chacha whines a bit. You snap out of the trance you were just in, even though Seonghwa hasn't done much to create distance behind you. He looks down at you from the side, cocking a brow when he notices your delayed reaction.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, sorry." You put Charli down, following her direction as she leads you into the kelp forest exhibit, pointing at all the different fish she sees. There's a play area off to the side that she instantly finds interest in once she's gotten a good look at the sea life, romping around and digging her hands into the different activities laid out for toddlers. Seonghwa lingers around to supervise, with you trailing slowly after you've gotten to indulge in the exhibit. You loop your arm around Seonghwa's and he lets you, keeping you close to his side as Charli continues to play around in the play area.
"Hey, thanks for taking us today." He looks down at you and lets out a breathy chuckle.
"Wow, a thank you that I didn't have to initiate? That's a first." You gently punch him.
"I'm serious, pichu!"
"It's no biggie. As long as Chacha's happy."
"Yeah, she is."
"So, you never told me."
"What?"
"How was that dinner with Sannie?" Seonghwa asks, avoiding eye contact.
"It was cool. We mainly caught up." You shrug.
"That's all?"
"Why, do you think there's more? Did Sannie say something to you?" You nervously poke at him, but you're not sure if you're helping your case or making it worse.
"What?" Seonghwa looks at you. "I'm asking you. He didn't say anything to me."
"Oh, yeah. We just caught up about life. His program. Family stuff. Things you already know."
"Uh huh." Seonghwa cocks a brow up. "Why are you being so weird then?"
"I'm not!"
"Did he say something to you?"
"Seonghwa, no. I'm not being weird about anything."
"You're also a very bad liar."
"I'm not even lying, though." You sigh and let go of his arm. He won't let up, and it's only because you're so close to cracking. Even though San truthfully didn't mention anything specific about the dinner, you've been acting weird since he picked you up this morning. The way you look at him feels different, and the way you've been latching onto him is different. Not that he's complaining, but something has shifted in the air and he doesn't know what to make of it. But what he does know is you— he knows you, so, so well, and thats one thing he won't lose at. "I just—"
"Auntie! Uncle Hwa! Let's go to the penguins!" Charli yells as she runs towards you and grabs your hand. She begins to drag you over, telling you to hurry. "Uncle Hwa, come on!" You look at him and subconsciously grab for his hand to drag him along at the three year old's speed. Seonghwa follows along, having to pick up Charli in his arms so she's able to see properly. When he lets go of your hand, your heart sinks a bit and it must have registered on your face because Seonghwa has to do a double take. He catches how your smile fades and how you awkwardly fiddle with your fingers while looking out at the penguins. You brush it off pretty quickly though, with the way you giggle with Charli and pinch her cheeks when she happily waves at them. "I wanna go see the big dinos now!" She points to the dinosaur exhibit just down the other end of the room.
"Okay, let's go!" Seonghwa looks at you and holds out his arm, hoping that's the kind of comfort you were seeking for. Truthfully, he knows what you're asking for but part of him isn't sure why. And to be fair to you, to himself, he'll continue to keep it at bay until he's sure of what you're asking from him.
He doesn't wanna get his hopes up because it'll break him if you don't genuinely feel the same way he does.
And lowkey, he is a bit confused as to why you're acting needy all of a sudden. You've had your moments but Seonghwa knew to play it off because it felt innocent, like a bestfriend-honestly-bothering-her-bestfriend-just-because-he's-there kinda thing. Today, it didn't feel that way, especially when he looks at you and it seems like you wanna say something but you don't. Especially when you tug on his arm ever so subtly, hand teasing his so closely by the wrist.
What is it about today?
Why were you sending him mixed signals?
"What were you gonna say earlier?" Seonghwa asks while you continue to cling onto his arm.
"Oh, nothing." You decide you won't tell him about San's questions, or his sudden deep-dive into your relationship and feelings. You're hoping it stays between you two because lord knows you aren't ready to tackle that subject with Seonghwa right now, nor do you think Seonghwa would actually feel the same. Or, have the patience to deal with all the jumbled thoughts in your head about him. Little do you know. "We just caught up. That's all."
"Are you sure that was it? You know I hate liars, Y/N."
"Well, the subject about dating came up." You run through the sentence so fast that Seonghwa has to look down at you while trying to read into your expression. Whatever it was that was bothering you, he hopes you can talk to him about it. He'd be there to listen and offer his guidance no matter what.
Always you first.
"What about dating?"
"He asked if I was into anyone." You generally state now that Seonghwa's indulging in the conversation.
"Hope you didn't say Song Mingi." You gently nudge him.
"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes.
"Did you tell him you had a crush on him?"
"No."
"Hm." Seonghwa hums. "I still don't understand where you're going with this? What happened between you two?"
"Nothing."
"At all?"
"Look. I went to dinner with San and as I sat there, I realized he's still the Sannie I adore from years before. I just couldn't see him any other way."
"Whatever happened to 'he's so cute, Hwa'?" He mocks you. "Sannie is soooo cute, he would never date me." Seonghwa continues. "He'd never give me a chance, would he? Huhuhu—" His bottom lip pokes out.
"Quit, what is wrong with you!"
"I didn't say it, you did."
"I just realized some things, and I think he did, too."
"You're being so fucking cryptic, it's making my head hurt." Seonghwa rolls his eyes before returning his attention to Charli playing around with the dinosaur activities.
"How am I being cryptic?"
"You tell me everything, yet you can't even tell me what happened during your dinner with San without beating around the bush." You look at him with a small pout and he almost feels his knees buckling because god, he is so weak for you sometimes. But, because of that, he finds himself getting easily frustrated when you can't just be straight up with him. "So, where does this leave you two?"
"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.
"Why would it ruin things between us?"
"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay.
"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."
"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."
"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular." He tilts his head to the side, and you're afraid he's reading into your mind. He's good at that shit, and you hate it. Because no, that's not it. He must know, that's why he's looking into your soul, patiently waiting for the truth to come out. "Y/N, I think—"
Seonghwa is why. He is the reason why you can't find yourself moving anywhere with San.
"I'm done! Let's go!" Charli runs up to Hwa's legs, interrupting the staring contest you two had going on just as he was about to carry on. You clear your throat and step away from him, focusing your attention on Charli.
"Wanna see all the bugs and snakes, pea? They're down there in that small section." You point down the hall and she grabs your hand.
"Yes! Let's go, let's go!" She repeatedly yells. "Uncle Hwa, come on! Slow poke!" He chuckles to himself, following the both of you into the insects exhibit.
As you, Charli and Seonghwa continue to go through the rest of the aquarium, you find yourself focusing on how well Seonghwa takes care of Charli. He continues to keep her smiling; throwing giggle fits when he swoops her into his arms and blows raspberries against her tummy. He patiently walks through every exhibit with her hand in his, pointing at the animals while giving her a fun fact or two. You rarely have to lift a finger because Seonghwa continues to keep her occupied, while also keeping you happy.
You don't have to ask for anything, and Seonghwa continues to deliver.
Towards the end, Charli asks for Seonghwa to take her into the gift shop. You find yourself wandering around, eyes fixed on the cute octopus plush they have on display. You set it down, convincing yourself you don't really need the damn thing [but it'd be nice]. By the time you've made your way around the store, you catch Seonghwa and Charli at the register— the same octopus plush in his hands. For a minute, you think it's for Chacha until you realize she already has a turtle plush she's hugging close to her chest. It isn't until Seonghwa turns towards you with a small smile, digging his wallet back into his pocket.
"Here."
"What, this is mine?"
"I wasn't the one looking at it." Seonghwa chuckles a bit. "Take it before I regret it."
"Hwa." You whine a bit, bottom lip poking out into a pout. "You didn't have to."
"You looked like you were having trouble putting it down so yeah, I guess I kinda had to."
"You paid for everything today." He shrugs.
"It's fine. I don't always find myself here, anyway." You hug him tightly, taking everything in while he pretends to be disgusted by the affection. "Please."
"You love me."
"I was forced to." You playfully punch him as you pull away, causing him to let out a small 'ow.'
"By the way, were you gonna say something earlier before Chacha dragged us to the insects?" Seonghwa pauses and he wants to yes. He does want to say something. He knows you weren’t talking about San. He wants you to know you’re all he wants. He wants to say he loves you, and adores you, and wants to take care of you if you'd just let him.
"Nah. It wasn't anything."
"You sure?"
"Mhm." You look at him and subtly frown at the way he looks conflicted, puzzled. But, he brushes off quick cause he knows you'll read into him, too.
"Mmkay then. Are you going to stay at my place for a bit or just drop us off?"
"I'll hang out for a bit. Ready?" He looks down at Charli, who has been entirely smitten over her turtle plush these past few minutes. She's completely oblivious to you two, barely paying any attention now that she has a new toy in hand.
"Yeah, let's get out of here." He nods in agreement, crouching down to Charli's level. "Ready to go, Chacha?"
"Yes please." She nods, letting Seonghwa hold her hand.
"You tired? Did you have fun at least?"
"I did." Is all Charli says as you make your way out of the now very busy aquarium. She yawns as she holds her turtle plush tight against her chest. Seonghwa pauses in his steps and waits for you to walk alongside of him, never wanting you to get left behind or lose sight of you. Once you finally catch up, you hold onto his arm while navigating through the crowded streets. Eventually, Seonghwa has to carry Charli and hold your hand in order to breeze through the rest of the crowd.
"Are you guys hungry for anything? Need anything before we go home?" The question slips from Seonghwa's lips so naturally, it almost seems like this is a normal, daily routine for you two. You nod though, remembering you do have a few groceries you'd like to grab.
Seonghwa doesn't complain.
He takes you to the market to give you some time to grab your groceries, staying in the car while Charli naps in her carseat. You're in and out, gently setting your bags on the floor in the backseat before settling into the passenger's seat. You and Seonghwa don't talk much on the way back home for the sake of Charli, only chiming in when you or Seonghwa have a pressing question to ask the other.
When you finally touch base at home, Charli wakes up in Seonghwa's arms while he carries her into your suite. You usher her into the bathroom for a quick bath before slipping her into some comfy pajamas. Seonghwa is relaxing on the couch, randomly watching Loki while waiting for you two to be finished.
"What're you gonna cook for dinner later?"
"Not sure. I might see what Yaya has. I'm too lazy." He chuckles.
"Put those groceries to use." He stands and heads to the kitchen. "I can make something, but it'll sit out for awhile until dinner."
"It's fine." You brush Charli's wet hair before sitting her in between your lap to dry her hair. "What're you doing later anyway?"
"Nothing."
"Why don't you just hang out and stay or something?"
"You want me to?"
"Why not?" He shrugs.
"Don't wanna invade your space or whatever you say." You laugh.
"I'm telling you to stay."
"Alright then."
"Don't sound too excited, jeez." He laughs.
"What do you want me to say?" Seonghwa smiles and gently tickles at Charli's stomach. "At least I'll be with Chacha!" She giggles as you continue to dry her hair. "Gonna wash up." He heads to your closet to go through the random assortment of bottoms and tops that you've borrowed [kept].
Throughout the rest of the afternoon and early evening, Seonghwa indulges in Charli's antics and plays along with her— giving you some time to clean around the suite and help Yaya with a few things in the house. As night time falls, Seonghwa is quick to make dinner for you and Chacha, putting all of the cooked dishes in front of you on the coffee table while you watch a movie with Charli. Once he's satisfied and cleans up after himself in the kitchen, he settles on the opposite side of Charli and indulges in Encanto playing loudly on the screen.
After dinner, you help Seonghwa clean up before you're getting Charli ready for bed and tucking her in. Seonghwa has made a little bed in your tiny living room area floor— pushing the coffee table up so that you three can lay comfortably. When Monsters University comes on, you find that Seonghwa is invested but.. isn't? He's constantly checking his phone, and you shouldn't be annoyed because it's probably the boys.
But, you are.
It's probably the boys.
Right?
Why does it matter?
"Are you watching?" You squint at him and he quickly finishes his text before he plops the phone down on his chest and looks at you.
"Yeah?"
"No, you're not." You give him a look. "Are you texting the boys?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" He teases and you roll your eyes. "I'm kidding. Yes, and someone I met a couple of days ago."
"What? You never told me about that."
"I didn't tell you because it's just that. We met and we're just casually talking about things."
"A girl?" He nods.
"Uh huh. Her cousin plays for the football team and she was visiting during training."
"Oh, interesting. Are you like.. interested in her?" You divert your attention to the movie.
"Uh." Seonghwa pauses and shrugs, even if you aren't looking at him. "I'm just seeing where things go? Do I need to have a reason right now?"
"No. I'm just wondering." He picks up his phone again when it dings.
"But Uncle Hwa, I thought Titi Y/N was y-your girlfriend." She stutters as she keeps her eyes on the movie.
"Mm, she is my friend who is a girl, Chacha. My bestfriend."
"But, my mommy said—"
"Okay, let's watch the movie, pea." You cut her off and she happily obliges. "You too, Uncle Hwa." You glare at him once more before smacking him on the bicep.
"Ouch, stop. I'm watching." He whispers harshly, yet continues to text.
"Pichu." You whine "You stop." He grabs your hand before you could land your next hit. He chuckles as he holds onto it, not wanting to let go but to also make his point that you aren't winning this fight. "Hwa." You whine even more.
"I win."
"Fine." You pout and he pinches your cheek.
"Loser." He smiles. "I'm watching, okay? I'm done." He sets his phone to the side and gives you a look. "See?"
"Mhm. What else could possibly be more important than us?"
"Drama." He laughs. "Why does it matter anyway, you're gonna fall asleep in two—"
"Uncle Hwa, Titi Y/N. Movie." Charli says looking at the both of you before shifting her attention back to the TV. You pinch Seonghwa on the shoulder, causing him to silently wince in pain before the both of you finally pay attention to the movie.
It's not long before you feel your eyes getting heavy, and you hate to admit that Seonghwa knows you so well. Charli hadn't fallen asleep too long ago, sandwiched in between you and Seonghwa— her hair a mess on the pillow. She's letting out some soft snores, her hand resting lazily on her chest.
She must've had a long, but good and fun day.
Seeing her this comfortable and content makes you even more sleepy. So much more sleepy that within the next scene, you're fast asleep with your head resting against Chacha's. Seonghwa figures it's a bit too quiet— too quiet especially for someone like you, who is the main yapper between the two of you.
He looks at you and smiles softly to himself.
His heart does a thing; it always does a thing, but in these moments it feels too intense for him to register. He just wants this.
And it's so hard for him to fight it off when there's that glimmer of hope saying you feel the same way.
That you want this, too.
Especially after today. Because he knows you well, so well, and he knows there are things you meant to say but you couldn't. He understands, though. He wants to say a lot, he's just not sure how. But god, does he hope he's right for once.
He hopes that you are looking at him in a different light, he hopes that you've realized he'd been here all along.
"If only you knew." He whispers. "Night, Y/N." He says softly before pulling the blanket up to cover you perfectly, brushing the hair away from your face before shutting off the TV and laying on his back to stare at the ceiling.
He just hopes for you, and you only.
♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs
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