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serawritesthings · 9 months

Text

AS FAR AS DREAMS GO

Pairing | Arthur Morgan x fem! reader Summary | While Arthur found sanction in his dreams, you would fret about them every night. While he longed for the sweet caress of your hands, you were unknowing, fooled by his stoic facade as your dreams only brought you nightmares. Tags | Angsty, Arthur Morgan pining for the reader, hinting at smut, intimacy, two idiots clearly in love, some sadness ensues Word Count | 10.3k A/N | Hello, lovelies! It's my second-ever fanfic; I hope you like it! Also, I got carried away, so it’s quite long (sorry)… It's loosely based on the mission with Uncle when you rob a wagon, but I have my spin on it. It’ll work more with the story this way. If you want, it can fit in with my recent fanfic about Arthur, but maybe set earlier in their “relationship.” ;D THANKS FOR READING!♡ Part two

Arthur felt you in his sleep last night.

He remembered the caress of your fingers on his icy skin, leaving scorching traces of blazing fire in its wake as your hearts collided and molded into his deepest longing. Like a strange mirror, it portrayed you as you always were: tender and loving, fiery but forgiving. But it wasn’t you; instead, it was a thought of you. Like when walking down the street and catching a glance of a person that seemed familiar, but with another look, was someone else entirely. Only in his dream-filled sleep could he allow himself the sweet torture of your presence, for in those moments, he didn’t have to think of the consequences his thoughts would bring. His dreams of you overtook his mind, whether he was willing or not. For in his mind, you had carved a path so profound that it would be etched into his senses until his last breath, clouding his sanity, never again being able to differentiate dreams from reality.

Oh, how you held him in your embrace. It made him long for the sun to disappear under the horizon once more when the warm springs of light found him in the chilly dawn. He could still feel traces of your touch in the short period between sleep and consciousness. For a brief moment, it made him question whether it was a dream or if his deepest desire had come true. You were his.

But he would wake up and find that the warmth he held in his hands had dissipated, like hot ash falling between his fingers, making Arthur attempt to dig up what remained of you from the ground. He was left aching with no relief, cold and shuddering in the chilly morning, standing over the remains of your ghost. It was like his heart had been burned with it, only coming alive once more when you returned to him at midnight.

But for you, dreams had trouble finding you at night, if they even found you at all. You could never escape reality to find sanction in the warm blanket of imagination. When dreams did reach you, memories replaced fantasy and washed over like cold, freezing water. You would fret and worry, tossing around wishing you could melt into the sheets and float to where you could become someone else. There was a time when the dreams would bring you solace, whether it was a conjecture of old memories or what your younger self would conjure up. But that was a long time ago, and you find that the older you get, those dreams drift further away. So, you had nowhere to escape, nothing to ease the hardship that daytime brought. So, sleeping is just a blink of an eye nowadays to make the night pass faster.

After a sleepless night, you sat by a tree overlooking the vast landscape. It’s quiet between the trees this morning. It brought a sense of calm to the otherwise quite hectic place. Although chilly, the wind carried a frisk waft, clearing your head. You enjoyed these mornings and often found yourself awake before the others. It’s a habit you picked up through the years, though a younger you would complain about having to rise that early in the morning. It felt like the world was entirely your own. It is even calmer in times like this, where the residents consist mainly of women when the men are out. It brought a sense of comfort to you, for they were the ones that had been kind and welcoming to you. Unfortunately, your time alone didn’t last long, for you have learned that people rose relatively early here. But the time you did get for yourself gave you a chance to ponder the time that had passed up until now.

Sean, a peculiar man, had recently been brought back from being held captive by bounty hunters soon to be transported up the Upper Montana River to a federal prison. You had immensely worried for him, finding his presence over the last few months to lighten your sometimes rather gloomy mood with his ridiculous shenanigans. Some had been unsure if going back for him posed as a good idea, but the thought of leaving him behind saddened you and many others. Somehow, you had managed to convince Arthur to lend a hand, with considerable help from Javier You knew Arthur cared for Sean, even though he’d probably rather die before admitting it.

When you first got wrapped up with these people, you admit that Arthur scared the living daylight out of you. There was a certain air around him that exuded strength and authority, never stopping short of resorting to violence. You were no stranger to what kind of man he was, what they were; neither were you of their business, but you were apprehensive of them more often than not. The womenfolk had told you countless times that Arthur could be immensely ruthless when needed and had done things that would leave your blood running cold. And you didn’t doubt them. Behind those calculating eyes and quiet demeanor lay a long life of violence and hardship. You were sure of it.

That’s why you felt stuck when it came to him. Despite all this, he was a kind man. However, he didn’t speak much when it concerned you. More so, he worked hard, and you rarely spotted him in camp. Freezing your guts out in those mountains was the longest time you had seen his face consistently. You couldn’t do more than respect him, and although apprehensive around him, you had found yourself doing it less because of his dangerous aura and more because he made chills run down your back and a warmth spread in your stomach like wildfire when he set his eyes on you. It wasn’t a fire that spread fast, destroying everything in its path and bringing misery. Instead, a fire dispersed like slow poison, mingling with your blood as it flowed through your body, claiming you bit by bit until you surrendered to its ever-so-prolonged heat.

“I heard you begged for the boys to come get me!” Time had flown by quickly, and soon, you heard the clanking of pots and the sound of steel against the wood. Sean had suddenly spoke up as he neared you, his Irish accent lacing his words heavily. Although you had missed him and didn’t want to leave him to an insufferable fate, you hadn’t forgotten his teasing. He knew very well he was exaggerating, but he wouldn’t let go of the chance to bury you in his flamboyant personality.

“That’s quite the exaggeration, Sean.” A small smile spread on your lips. “Don’t make me regret standing in favor of your return.” A snort left the red-headed man at your words. Pursing your lips, you put your gaze on him as he stood beside your seated form with his arms crossed, gazing out onto the open landscape of Horseshoe Overlook.

“Ah, how I missed ya big words and harmless threats.” You could hear a few snickers at his statement from the people gathering around the campfire. A blush covered your cheeks. You had a reputation for sounding smart sometimes, and people did not stop at anything to tease you, especially the man in front of you.

“Did ya miss me?” A cheeky grin grew on his punchable face as he raised his eyebrows, expectantly leaning closer to you.

A scoff left your lips, but you didn’t have time to answer him as the sound of hooves drew near. A certain dread always filled you at the sound. Even though you knew it most likely was someone returning to camp, you could never be too sure what state they would be in. You often worked alongside Ms. Grimshaw to help when someone got hurt, having extensive knowledge of tending to wounds and other bodily harm. It worried you, for the possibility of not being able to help someone would someday appear. Like that poor man, Davey. Luckily, you had managed to take care of Marston well enough. But he did look awful these days with that scar adorning his face; there was no denying that.

You and Sean looked up as the horses raced through the path among the trees that led to your whereabouts. You could see Dutch among them, with Arthur and Hosea. Scowls were apparent on their faces as their loud voices broke the solitude in the air, seeming to argue viciously about something.

“What’s that about?” You questioned the man beside you. “God knows, but I’d stay outta it if I were you.” He gave you a knowing look and slouched away to bother someone else. Your curiosity was piqued, but you let it be for now, raising to help Mary-Beth wash some foul shirts she was struggling with—damned Reverend.

The day continued, mindless chatter filling the space between you and the girls as you worked under Ms. Grimshaw’s sharp, watchful eyes. She had been in a terrible mood today, so her reign was relentless.

“Do you think she would be mad if we threw the clothes from the cliff edge?” A grumpy Tilly spoke up, her hands relentless as she scrubbed the fabric that never seemed to get cleaner. Sadly, it only became filthier the more she worked on it. Karen laughed as she raised her eyebrows, a mocking expression on her face. “Oh no, that won’t do for great Ms. Grimshaw. She would probably throw you right along with it.” Their laughter cut through the air, contagious as you smiled at their exchange, glancing up to see if Ms. Grimshaw had her eyes on you. But instead, your eyes found a pair of blue ones staring at you when you looked up—the brief moment left you unsure where to put your gaze after the contact broke.

You cleared your throat as you spoke quietly. “Grimshaw means well.” They groaned at you, rolling their eyes. “Sure, Miss Righteous.” They laughed again as you joined them. Before you could hinder yourself, your eyes gazed up at Arthur again, finding him staring at you again; a particular fervency lay deep within them. However, he directed his eyes away from you hastily, like you caught him doing something he shouldn’t have. Seemingly tense, the man grabs a match from his pocket, lighting its phosphorus tip from his booth’s worn leather soles. When he took a drag, he peeked at you again, his head bowed, hiding under his worn hat.

Dutch and Hosea were in a heated discussion, with Arthur listening in languidly. It probably related to what had transpired before they returned to camp. Although more collected now, there was still a tension in the air. By your observations, they were the “three main men” around here. They had been holding together most of their lives, naturally giving them authority over the gang. When they talked, you listened. Simple as that.

You touched your face discreetly, wondering if you had gotten soot from tending the fire on your cheeks again. What else could be the reason for Arthur’s stare? How embarrassing that would be. He made you somewhat uncertain already; you couldn’t possibly handle his mocking adding to that.

“I wonder what they’re talking about?” The question you asked left the girls perking their heads up and gazing at you before following your gaze, looking at the men arguing. “Yeah, it seems pretty serious,” Mary-Beth said, curious about their exchange. They had been going at it for quite a while now as evening drew closer. You observed them with intrigue. That’s when Hosea’s eyes planted on you, beckoning you over with his finger. He looked cunning as he settled leisurely in his chair, content. You gazed questingly at the girls as they shrugged their shoulders, looking as confused as you.

Dusting off your skirt, you rose from the small barrel you used as a makeshift chair and approached the men. You gave them an unsure smile, still confused, wondering what they could want to bring you into their apparent disagreement.

“Well, we have a perfect actress with us, gentlemen. I’m sure she could charm our seemingly formidable friends.” Hosea patted your arms as your feet shifted under you when he spoke up. What could they possibly be talking about? Dutch was gazing at you indescribably as Arthur stared at the table. His arms crossed, not meeting your gaze.

“Well, her damsel in distress act has saved us before.” A low chuckle left Dutch as he drummed his fingers on the wooden table.

“May I ask what you’re talking about?” As the question left you, you could see Arthur raise his head to watch you. His expression was blank, but his eyes seemed sullen, the smoke from his cigarette filling the air as he took a drag.

“Uncle’s received a tip of a supply wagon passing through carrying a payroll, lookin’ to be unguarded. They want you to help us.” His voice was quiet as he observed you, his accent thick. You had helped them on some jobs before, although only smaller ones since you weren’t as acquainted with the work as the others. You mainly had accompanied Hosea on his schemes, finding that both of you had quite the same proficiency in depicting a role. Although you had taken up some theatrics when you were a small child, you had never imagined you would use them to deceive people. You found Hosea to be a spiritful figure despite his age. When thinking about it, he reminded you immensely of your father. He was too stubborn to let himself grow old, and his spark for living and refusal to take on the habits of an older man made him seem immortal to you. But he wasn’t, which became evident to you the older you had gotten.

“Of course, if I can be of help.” You offered them a small smile, surprised they decided on you, not someone else. It didn’t seem scary for you; you would, of course, be accompanied. And they knew what they were doing, which had become apparent to you since they always managed to get out of trouble. Compared to some of the things they did, stealing from a wagon seemed mild. And with Arthur accompanying, you knew you would feel completely safe.

“S’not a good idea.” The words that left Arthur made you furrow your brows. What could be the reason for his doubt? Some parts of you understood that you might not be as proficient as the other women, but as you mentioned, playing the damsel in distress was right up your alley. And you already felt as if you were a burden around here.

He avoided your offended look as he continued, pointing his finger at Hosea. “I ain’t lettin’ h-anyone get hurt just cause Uncle got told a tip from some sad, half-witted lowlife! Now, I ain’t against looking up the lead, but we handle it without the theatrics an’ all, Hosea.”

You were about to speak up, but Dutch did before you could. “It would give you the advantage to have someone stop the wagon; that way, you have the man unguarded and on the ground.” He gave you a look-over. You leaned slightly away from his calculating gaze, his squinting eyes examining you.

“Yeah, that’ll do; let Uncle prove his worth this time. Bring Bill and Charles with ya.” With that said, he stood up from his chair and nodded at you with a beaming grin, and sauntered off. Wonder what Molly saw in him. Often, you found him to lean towards arrogancy, the way he let everyone else do his dirty work. But they all seemed to listen to him, which meant what he did gave some positive outcome.

“Trust me, Arthur, she’ll do good. And she might make up for your dumbness.” As Hosea’s chuckling figure slowly disappeared, you gazed curiously at Arthur, who was scoffing, staring after the man.

“I know how to handle myself, Arthur. And I know you know that too.”

“Sure.” He dragged out the word, voice mirroring his now grumpy mood.

“So?” You raised your eyebrows. He gave you a questioning look. “What’s the matter?” You asked.

He let out a long breath. “It ain’t safe. A random tip could be risky. It probably means someone else heard ’bout it, too, if the man was willing to give up the information. Likewise, it could be a setup. We don’t know, do we?” You leaned on the table before him, placing your hand to stead his bouncing knee. You knew what he meant. But every mission was risky, especially these days when you had law coming at you from what appeared to be every direction. Despite this, you had to do it to survive, and you wanted to show them you were capable.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to find out.” Your voice was mild, an undertone of understanding lacing your words. Even if it were Uncle’s idea, it would fall on Arthur either way if things went wrong, as it always did. And you knew he cared, even though he never showed it. Or think he didn’t show it.

He was about to speak, but a loud voice broke through your conversation. “Gotten over me that fast, has she? Already moving on to the gang’s grouch? I’m hurt. Here I walked around thinkin’ you missed me!” You gave Arthur a last look, squeezing his knee to gaze at Sean as he dramatically held his hands to his heart. Laughing at his antics, you stood up. “I’m not sure anyone missed you when you were gone, right Arthur?” You strolled off with the Irish man following you, not noticing the wistful, prolonged stare the blue-eyed man had set on you since you touched his knee with your delicate hand, the feeling of your skin leaving a fire trail he couldn’t douse.

“That’s it, Ada.” The grey coat of the Andulasian was silky under your palm as you graced her sun-warmed coat, giving her a carrot you stole from Pearson’s wagon as you distracted him with your mindless chatter the following evening. Her ears perked up at your soft voice, munching. She nickered contentedly as her mane blew under the frisk breeze that wafted around you.

“You know, you should’ve settled for a faster horse instead of an Andalusian. She’ll slow you down.” A gruff voice broke out in the otherwise calm spot as the sound of spurs clanking was accompanied by heavy footsteps. You looked up at the man, noting how he leaned lazily against the empty hitching post and put his hands on his belt. It surprised you, it did. He didn’t usually instigate a conversation with you.

“She’s fast enough, my Ada. And she’s family now, so.” You voiced your thoughts softly, hearing his statement from many others when Arthur, Dutch, and Micha returned to the desolated mining town with two horses and a crying Sadie up in Colter. The horse piqued your interest when you set your eyes on her, and Arthur kindly let you keep her for the time being, planning on selling her when they got the chance. Your disagreement was apparent, and not putting up much of a fight; he let you keep her. Hosea, too, opposed it when he saw the mare, but your stubbornness made him laugh. I’ll let you figure it out on your own then, he had told you.

“Well, at least we’ll know you’re safe if you get attacked by a snake.” A low chuckle left Arthur, still finding you’re choice of a companion foolish.

“Oh, are you making jokes now?” You looked at him as he straightened and strode towards you. “Cause if you are, it’s not very funny.” You backed away slightly, not used to him being so close. He put his gloved hand on Ada’s soft coat and patted her softly. A waft of smoke reached your nose as he stood next to you, coupled with the smell of a man who did hard labor. But amidst that, there was something else, something warmer and manlier. “Well, she’s real pretty, that’s for sure.” His gaze went down to you before he directed his gaze, fastening the tie strap you didn’t secure well enough.

You rarely saw Arthur with his hat off, his hair usually peaking out from under the well-worn leather. But he didn’t wear it this morning, and you wondered why. It blew softly in the wind, a slight beard adorning his face. It fit him well, adding to his roguish appearance. He was pretty handsome.

You didn’t realize you were observing him as he focused on your not-so-good job putting on the saddle. He didn’t seem as on edge as usual, the constant frown gone and replaced with a serene expression. Arthur didn’t look as frightening this way when he was relaxed, although his advantage in height and bulky form made up for it.

“Be careful today, yeah?” He gave you a curt nod when you replied that you would, walking over to his horse. You saw Charles walking in your direction, greeting you with a smile when he got close.

“We should head off as soon as possible; I’m worried we might miss the wagon.” His voice was calm, as it tended to be often. Sometimes, it felt like Charles was a shadow as he kept quiet, primarily to himself. He rarely got into trouble and handled things with a clear mind. You could but only like him, finding his solitude comforting and much like your own.

When Bill and Uncle appeared, you hoisted yourself into the saddle, giving Ada a soft pat before setting her in motion. Uncle had told you it was just up the road from camp, near the crossroads where an old, ruined church remained. “You ride first and hitch up the horse in the trees behind the church. We will stop near the crossroads to look for the wagon passing through as you get them to stop and get down on the ground.” Arthur said calmly, pointedly looking at you.

As you rode off, Arthur stared after you as you disappeared between the trees. The worry had settled in his stomach when Hosea brought up the idea for you to tag along. He wasn’t opposed to you doing your share in the gang, but bringing you on such a spontaneous mission made him uneasy.

“She’ll be fine, Arthur, and we’ll have our eyes on her the whole time.” Charles’s hushed voice dragged him out of his thoughts as he secured his gun on the saddle. Even though Charles seemed calm, a slight worry still tainted his words.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just…”

“I understand.” They sat in their saddles, heading out after Uncle’s lead.

“You know, after this, you will realize how much I do for this gang. Looking up this lead has not been an easy feat, gentlemen.” He looked proud in his seat, bringing his hands up like he already had secured the money. “Sure, Uncle, drinking and talking to some bum who just might be lying to you is exactly what this gang needs right now.” Uncle just scoffed at Arthur.

“You know, you should be nicer to me, Arthur, and you will be after you realize this will bring us a well-deserved fortune.”

“Yeah? And what are you going to spend it on? More booze?”

The church where you said goodbye to Ada was no short of run-down. Missing planks, bottles with an unnamed liquid inside, and cigarettes everywhere made you wonder what kind of people sought shelter here. You didn’t have trouble finding it because it wasn’t too far from camp like you were told. Trying not to think about leaving Ada in such an environment, you wandered towards the road you were told they would pass through.

‘

You hid behind a tree, shielding you from anyone coming down the path. You hoped Uncle was correct; otherwise, things could go south fast. No stranger would let a hurt woman linger on the road; likewise, they wouldn’t let her stumble to the seat with a hurt leg, meaning you would get the driver on the ground. Simple but effective. You only hoped Uncle had been correct, that this would be easy.

Taking Karen’s advice to loosen a few buttons on your shirt, you revealed some of your cleavage. Make him more willing, quoting her words. The skin now exposed glows in the sunlight from the light layer of sweat coating your skin from the heat. You smile to yourself. This’ll do just fine. You run your hands on the ground to dirty up your skirt like you had been crawling in the dirt. You didn’t want to think about how hard it would be to get it out of the fabric since you likely had to clean it.

Peaking up from the tree, you could spot Arthur, Uncle, Bill, and Charles from a distance, gazing upon your spot as masks adorned their faces. Who were they trying to fool? They looked ominous where they sat on their horses. God, if the driver got the slightest look at them, he would run the other way, and the operation would be over. You felt your hands grow clammy at the suspense as your shoulders tensed, sitting on the ground as you leaned against the tree.

You took your face in your hands, massaging your temple. “Okay, wagon approaches; I frantically run out from the woods, screaming at the driver to help. He stops and steps down on the ground to ask me what’s going on, hopefully worried. I tell him I’m getting chased by a maniac, and the others will handle the rest.” You breathed out as your heart beat wildly, voicing your plan aloud. “Easy peasy, right?”

That’s when you heard it, the crunch of the wheels rolling in the ground in the distance growing louder. Taking a deep breath, you ruffled your hair slightly and leaped out from the tree, running towards the road like satan himself was after you.

“Mister, please!” Your voice shrieked out, startling the man. With an exasperated expression, you stumbled down after tripping on your skirt, getting dirtier from the mud covering the path. Holding your hand on your leg, you gazed up at the men above you who looked at you alarmed. His face was adorned with small eyes and wrinkles that depicted his old age as he had to squint to see you. It made you question why such an old man drove a fortune alone but pushed the thoughts away. “You have to help me!”

“Miss, what’s happened to ya?” Immediately, he slowed the horses, stepping down from the wagon to inspect the predicament before him. He looked friendly, just like his tone was kind, and worry filled his eyes as he jogged towards you. Kind, but foolish.

“Some men trailed me, oh some god-awful men trailed me, and when I cut through the woods with my horse, she freaked out and bucked me off!” Panic settled in your voice as you looked pleadingly at the man holding your shoulder. “Please, mister, my leg hurts awfully bad; I think it’s broken.” Tears filled your voice, choking up the words leaving your mouth. His hands found your shoulders as he kneeled. “Come here, Miss. We’ll get you home, yeah?” You nodded at him with pleading eyes.

The air around you was calm, and the wind blew softly, contrasting your shrill voice in the early morning as he helped you stand up. With your weight on his shoulders, he didn’t even have the time to turn around before the cold metal of a pistol met the back of his head.

The pistol cocked. Frozen beside you, the hands supporting you grew still as the blood on his face drained, eyes staring into yours like he could see Arthur behind him in the reflection of your eyes.

“Let’s not do that. Why don’t you step away from the woman and throw your gun on the ground?” Arthur’s cold but calm demeanor frightened even you, looking different from the man you were used to. “Real slow now.” His eyes found yours, staring from under his hat as he spoke. A chill went down your spine, now understanding why he had a reputation for coming off as frightening. Behind him, Charles was rummaging through the wagon as Uncle and Bill stood behind him on their horses, acting as lookouts as their rifles were pointed at the man beside you.

“Listen, I work for Kerosene and Tar, Leviticus Cornwall, alright?” His voice was shaking, but he still tried to scare the men. Bold. You could hear Bill curse in the distance, the name familiar to them. Judging from their reaction, it wasn’t good news, and the anxiety rose in you like wildfire again as you tried to get away from the man holding you, his presence now suffocating.

“Hey, step away from her old man.” Arthurs’s voice grew firmer as the words rumbled in his chest, pushing the gun tighter against his temple when the man grabbed your shoulders harder. When you turned your head towards the elderly man, he looked as frightened as you, shocked by how the situation had transpired.

“Hey, Arthur, I got the money!” Charle’s satisfied voice made you both look up, but as you did, the sight of horses charging towards you in the distance made your eyes widen. Your breath stuck in your throat at the picture, your pulse rising as you struggled to control your quivering palms.

“Aw, shit. Uncle!” Arthurs voiced his annoyance at the downturn of the situation as he hit the elderly man with his gun, his body falling limp beside you as he held his head in his hands. Shocked, you looked at his squirming body as he writhed on the ground. Before you could shake away the shock that nailed your feet shut, you felt a pair of arms shake your petrified form.

“Get your head straight girl!” Amidst the loud sound of hooves filling your ears from every direction, Arthur shouted at you as he grabbed the horn on the saddle and hopped onto his horse. Sitting tall, he placed his arms under yours so he could lift you. Now seated before him, the sudden motion made your head spin as the world around you stayed a constant blur.

“Bill! We’ll split up, make it harder for them to track us. You go with Charles and Uncle to the left, and we’ll go straight! Stay out of camp for awhile!” His shouting brought you back to reality, the sound of bullets heading towards you growing louder the clearer your head got. Bill shouted in agreement as he cursed loudly and took off hastily, rifle in his hands as the three escaped the scene. Making a clicking noise, Arthur urged the horse to move, the force pushing your body forward from the sudden speed. The severity of the situation dawned on you when you glanced back at the riders following you. Your heart beat heavily against your chest; the number of men chasing after you could only be likened to a whole army.

“There’s so many!” The wind wisped your hair around you as you flew through the country. You glanced back at Arthur. “Yeah, I know! But I think the others got the worst of it!” His statement did nothing to calm your racing nerves as bullets rushed past you. Boadicea’s muscles moved fervently under you as Arthur spurred her on. Fast didn’t seem like fast enough. The pace painted the world blurry as you

rode on for a long time, the skies beginning to turn dark.

After a long while following the road, Arthur steered off it and up a hill into a tightly grown forest. “I think we’re losing them!” Your voice flew in the air as the wind in your ears whistled when you looked back. Almost stumbling on a rock, you both flew forward as Arthur’s heavy weight fell on you momentarily. A choked sound left your throat as the air left you, and you heard him curse out a sorry behind you. Recovering quickly, Boadicea picked up the pace once again as you gazed behind you, trying to see if they had gained on you.

Why in the world were there so many? Maybe Arthur was right, and it was a setup. After a while, the sound of hooves slowly grew distant, the only noise being your heavy breaths intermingling as you felt the adrenalin still run through your veins.

“Shit, Arthur. What the hell was that?”

“That is why you don’t trust Uncle’s shit plans!” His voice was sharp like glass as he realized he was right like he usually was. “Foolish-minded fools, the lot of ’em!” He voiced his thoughts angrily. He was tense behind you, every move filled with a raging fury as he swiftly urged the horse forward.

“What do we do now?” You voiced your concerns worryingly. You had no idea where you were; the place was unfamiliar. It had grown chilly as the sun disappeared from the blue sky, the cold wind now apparent as the danger dissipated, and your body grew aware.

“We find somewhere to hide until the next morning; they’ll probably be out looking for us, seeing as they think we have their money.” You hoped the others were well, even though you weren’t entirely too happy with how things had transpired. If Arthur wasn’t lying, they got the worst of it. You wanted to voice your concerns but decided to keep it to yourself for the time being; not entirely too sure that’s what he wanted to hear right now.

“I know a place where we can hide. It’ll be cold, but we’ll be safe. For now.” Unbeknownst to you, he glanced down at your shivering form.

After a while, you could feel your breath calm down enough for you to relax slightly. Although you were still sitting up tensely, aware of the position you were in. Arthur was a big man, towering behind you, almost embracing you as his arms held the reigns at your sides. The warmth radiating from him was immense, and the softness of his scout jacket softened the impact of your back to his chest as the horse galloped. It did make you somewhat uncomfortable being that close to the man, but as time passed and the colder the air got, you found yourself sheepishly leaning backward to stop the chills running through your body. You hoped he wouldn’t mention it or, worse, push you away from him.

The top of your head only reached his jaw when you glanced up at him, leaning your head back slightly. He was focused on the road ahead; eyes squinted angrily as he still grumbled bitterly under his breath. The corners of your mouth raised slightly before you curled your lips under your teeth, turning to look forward. He really was a grump sometimes.

Leaning forward, you ran your fingers through Boadicea’s mane as you patted her neck to try to calm your nerves. “You know, I’ve never been good at riding horses, so thank god you’re with me. No coordination whatsoever.” You laughed, trying to distract yourself from being chased through the now-dark country. Even though you couldn’t see them anymore, they were probably still on your lead. “We should be lucky we didn’t end up in a ditch somewhere. When we stumbled over that rock, I thought we were don-”

“That’s the place over there.” His gruff voice interrupted your nervous blabbering.

Your head perked up at his mention. It wasn’t much to cheer for, run-down seeming like a compliment compared to this place. Although still standing, it looked like it would fall apart if someone as much as touched it. But it had a door, and the windows were barred, protecting it from the winds rummaging through the landscape. I guess that counts for something.

“You sure they won’t find us here?” A gust of smoke from the cold surrounded you when you spoke. Logically, if they had followed your direction, they would probably have gone rummaging through every abandoned house they encountered on the way. The only answer you got was a grunt, and you almost rolled your eyes at him. What splendid company you would have for the rest of the night. Although, he had been right about the whole ordeal, so it wasn’t hard for you to see where he came from. If your previous thought had been correct, all of this would fall on Arthur. With him being in higher authority in the gang, he also held more responsibility and had to make sure the plans went along smoothly.

As you approached the cabin hastily, he stopped the horse in a quick motion, the dirt flying in the air as it surrounded you both. Hopping down from the saddle, he patted Boadicea gently on the neck. “Come ‘ere.” His hands went around your waist as he hoisted you down from the tall animal, fingers squeezing subtly around your waist as he steadied you on the ground, avoiding your gaze.

“Why don’t you hitch her up by the door? I’ll have a quick look in the cabin.” As he pointed to Boadicea, you gave him a curt nod as you did what he asked. “Will she be alright out here all night?” You blurted out as you fastened the rope against one of the planks in the fence surrounding the cabin’s front porch. A distant reassurance from Arthur could be heard as he ensured you would be alone and undisturbed. Giving the animal one last pat, you stepped up the wooden stairs, wrapping your arms around you. Since the sun had disappeared from the sky, it was dark inside, and your eyes found it troubling to adapt since the moon didn’t light up the room.

The house was eerie. Furniture still adorned the chipped, wooden planks with thick dust covering the various surfaces. The air was cold, with the smell of wood mingling with the ever-so-slightly scent of moldy food left on the plates. It looked like the people that had been living here had just walked away during their dinner.

“I wonder who lived here.” you thought out loud. Your voice was barely a whisper like the people were still sleeping upstairs. Although muted by the carpet, the floorboards creaked when you stepped inside, the fabric now muddy from your shoes. Arthur was shaking the planks nailed to the windows from the inside, making sure they would stay in their place

“Come on. I’ll keep a lookout for a while, see if I can hear them passing by. Get some rest.” He pointed you toward a botched chair in the corner. It didn’t look like the most comfortable chair, but it would have to do for the night. Not that you had a choice anyway.

“Are you sure? I can accompany you if you want.” Your words grew warm at his selfness, looking at him with a prolonged gaze as he reached to take off his jacket. He held it towards you and, as he secured his hat, bowed his head as he headed out the door.

“Nah, get some rest, alright?” You were left in the darkness as the door closed, trembling from the shivers racking through you with the heavy jacket hanging from your grasp.

What the hell was he thinking? He daydreamed about you like he had every right to imagine you that way when you rode with him. Hell, you would probably spit in his face if you knew that most of his thoughts involved you. What a sad man you are, Arthur Morgan, thinking you could ever get your hands on her. Pure and warm, that’s what you were. You were too good. Your care extended further than his ever had, treating him like he deserved your kindness. Deserved you. He kept his distance from you, only speaking to you when necessary to try to make you understand that he wasn’t a good man—but being as close to you as he had during the ride shut off his brain entirely.

The guilt ran through him as he sat on the porch, leaning against the door. Being in the same space as you proved to be too much for him now, the smell of your hair still clouding his mind. Shit, it was impossible to keep you out of his mind. Raising from the coldness of the ground, he swept his hands over his face, leaning his arms to rest against the fence as he observed into the distance. The place was surrounded by trees, somewhat deep in the woods, quite far from the path. He hoped it was far enough, not wanting to put you in more danger than he already had.

Irritation was still running through him at the outcome of the situation. He knew this would happen. At least they got away with the money. But if Cornwall’s men managed to get ahold of Bill, Uncle, and Charles, it wouldn’t matter. He didn’t feel up for a rescue mission right now; they had far more complicated things to think about.

As you sat in the chair for a while, wrapped in the oversized jacket Arthur lent you, your eyes became familiar with your surroundings. Finally, you could breathe out, although the stress from the predicament you just got yourself into raced through your body, making it hard for you to rest. It was dark and cold, and you missed the comforts of falling asleep in your bedroll at the lookout, surrounded by the women’s quiet whispering. Although, you felt safe enough knowing Arthur was outside in case anyone would stumble upon you two.

There was a large table in the middle of the room where Arthur had placed his satchel and some benches adorning the walls by the stove. A fireplace was by one of the walls with various portraits perched on it, along with some candles and other trinkets. Yawning, you stepped up from the seat, wrapping the jacket tighter around you as you stepped towards the wall, examining the portraits. You wondered who they were as you ran your nimble fingers over the dusty surface, a stoic face now starting to show. You laughed slightly under your breath; the man looked downright horrified as the woman beside him smiled warmly. Was that his wife? You turned the frame, squinting so you could read the writing.

“Ms.Hevett with son, Mr.Hevett.” Hmm, they both appeared to be very old. Mamas-boy maybe? You giggled again, putting your hand over your mouth to dull the sound. Returning the portrait, you glanced around. Oh, maybe Arthur had a match to light the candle! Well, of course, he had a match; he smoked every chance he got.

You tiptoed towards the door as it creaked when you pushed it open quietly. You called out for Arthur gently, seeing him leaning on the fence. His head turned to yours, alarmed, looking behind you as his hand rested on the gun in his holster. “You alright?” The words flew out from his mouth as he tensed, walking towards you. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wondered if you have a match.” He looked at you for a moment, then furrowed his brows as he grabbed the edge of the door. “A match? Why? You don’t smoke.”

You glanced sheepishly at him now, realizing you might be bothering him. “Well, there’s a candle in there, and I just, I, would be more comfortable if it wasn’t so dark. That’s all.” He scoffed slightly at your words. “You supposed to be sleepin’; what does it matter if it’s dark?” He asked you in disbelief. You only pursed your lips, staring at him as the moonlight reflected on his face. A sigh left him as he beckoned you inside, giving one last glance around the outside of the cabin.

“This candle right here. If only we had some firewood, we could also warm the place. See, there’s a fireplace! I imagine the house was cozy when it wasn’t run-down.” You babbled as he followed behind you, reaching for a match in his bag. As he did at camp yesterday, he lights the match at the sole of his boot. Immediately, it casts the room in a warm blanket. It didn’t feel so eerily anymore, and the flame flickered around you softly.

He raised his brows as he spoke. “First, you want me to light this damned candle, and now you want me to go chop us up some wood?” He sounded more amused than his earlier cranky mood, but still, you looked at him unamused. “It was just an observation, alright?”

He chuckled lightly as he looked at you, observing you for a few seconds before speaking up. “You okay to sleep now?” His rough voice spoke the words as he motioned to leave again.

“Um, sure. Arthur, did you know a mother and her son had been living here? It said so on the portrait. I wonder what happened to them?” The words left you hurriedly, looking to say something to make him stay with you for a while longer. It was hard to explain, but you felt safer with him. In here. With you.

You pointed towards the portrait. He glanced at you shortly before stepping back into the room. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been here a few times.” His answer was short.

“Oh.”

The air was stuffy, and the tension grew thick as you looked at each other. Neither of you knew what to say since Arthur always seemed to get tongue-tied around you, and you were unsure of how to converse with him. You draped the jacket even closer, staring at the floorboards.

“Ya still cold?” He startled you slightly, your head perking up at his words. “Umm, yeah, a little, but the jacket’s helping… so.” He nodded at you, grabbing the belt with his hands, tightening his lips together, his eyes never leaving yours. He looked like he was expecting you to say something, waiting for the words to leave your mouth.

“Oh, sorry, you’re probably cold as well. Here you can have it back.” You stepped towards him, the jacket slipping off your shoulder.

“No, no. You take it, I’m used to it, alright?” His words were kind and selfless, and you felt terrible for not bringing your own jacket. Of course, he was cold; it was freezing in here. Knowing he cared enough for you to put your comfort before his own made your heart beat slightly faster.

Once again, he went to exit the door and leave you in the empty house, but the moment he opened it, the words left you before you could stop them.

“Will you stay in here?” It was silent as the raindrops started to fall outside, pattering on the roof as the tension grew suffocatingly thick. Glancing at you with his head bowed, he cleared his throat.

“It’s just I’ll feel safer with you in here. That’s all.” Feeling the need to explain your sudden outburst, you felt a blush rise at the humiliating situation. He probably thought you were childish, finding your words annoying and demanding.

Giving you a curt nod, he closed the door behind him, pushed one of the side tables against the door, and locked it.

“It won’t rain in, so don’t worry. Now,” He leaned back on the chair by the table in the middle of the room, putting one leg over his other to lean the ankle against it, taking his gun out of the holster and cleaning the dirty metal. “Get some sleep. We’ll set out in the morning.”

You listened to him this time and sat on the chair, bringing your legs up towards your chest as you closed your eyes. You knew it would. be hard for sleep to find you, but you still gave it a chance.

You were wrong; you were able to sleep. But it didn’t last you very long, for the cold had seeped through both skin and bones, leaving you with tremors running through your already shaking body. You could still hear the thunder in the distance and the heavy rain splattering against the wooden roof. You opened your eyes, finding another pair staring right at you. You felt your stomach turn, the display of emotions running deep in his eyes as he observed you. His legs were spread wide where he sat, keeping sight of both you and the door in case someone barged through. The flickering of the faint light hit his eyes, painting his otherwise blue eyes a darker tone. It felt like a dream.

“Alright, that’s enough.” A heavy sigh left the man as he stood up. The floorboards creaked under his weight as he walked over to you. Grabbing under your arms, he lifted you as he sat on the chair. Gently, he placed you on his lap, with your head resting on his neck and legs draped over his thighs.

“Jesus, woman, you’re freezing.” As he talked lowly, you could feel his voice rumble in his chest, the feeling soothing against you.

Oh, darn it, he was warm. How could he be so warm? No thoughts except warming your freezing frame made you wrap your arms around his waist, the thick jacket covering both of you. You felt his hands run over your arms, trying to warm you up as you moved against him, relishing in the heat from his body as you nuzzled your cheeks in the crook of his neck.

And finally, you fell asleep.

“Arthur.” Jolting awake, Arthur’s eyes widened in the candle-lit room. His whole body tensed up as he gazed down at you, alarmed.

Seemingly unhurt, a worried expression was on your beautiful face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked you. Shushing him, you placed your hand on his bicep carefully.

“You were mumbling in your sleep. Is everything alright?” Your eyes were tired but warm as he blinked down at you, now noticing his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you towards him. “Yeah, ’m alright.” His words were low, choked at the sight of you staring this tenderly at him. This was a dream, he told himself.

As his arms relaxed around you slightly, you wrapped yours tighter around his neck. He was so suffocating, his scent surrounding you from every direction as you basked in its grasp. His eyes were intense, the now sullen look he always carried vulnerable, as the folds around his eyes evened out. It still felt like you were in a dream, and you longed for it never to end. Good dreams never found you, but now you had it in your hands as the comforting blanket cloaked around you like Arthur was wrapped around your scorching body.

No words were spoken as you gasped slightly, nimble hands stroking up his arms as the broadness stretched against his shirt. His cheek was warm when you placed your trembling fingers on his scruff, tracing small figures as you observed the scar on his jaw and the slight bend of his nose from getting it dislocated often. As you grazed his skin, your eyes never left him, even when he closed them to revel in your touch. Being this close to him was comforting; the contact was foreign to you but something you had longed for. Feeling wanted by him was what you wanted your dreams to turn into for the longest time. And it finally did.

The world around you grew quiet; only your breathing was audible as his chest moved under you, heavy intakes of breath raking through him. Letting your gaze fall to his lips, yours parted slightly. Through hazy eyes, you closed the small distance between you. A warm surge spread through you as his chapped lips met yours, his slight beard tickling your skin. A low moan escaped at the contact, and your heart burst at the seams, the fire flaring and oozing with each movement. You always wondered what pressing your lips against his would be like, his stoic character making it feel like your wishes were miles away. But now you knew, and it felt better than you imagined. His hands were still around your waist, holding you tightly as you felt all the excitement overflowing in your veins at his apparent contentment of your actions.

You snuggled into him, holding his cheeks and caressing them with your thumb. Slowly, you leaned your head back, feeling dizzy from the emotions clouding your brain. He followed you as you pulled away, almost as if you hauled him towards you like tied with a lasso. His breath warmed your skin as his lips were placed in the conjecture of your neck as he leaned against you. As you giggled slightly from the tickling sensation, he breathlessly chuckled as he left wet trails up to the space under your ear, caressing the small of your back with his large hands. His gloved hand against the fabric of your blouse felt enticing, your back arching due to his touch, your upper body now pressed flush against him. You held his head close as your hands were buried in his thick hair. His lips found yours again, shifting against you fervently as he moved with more vigor.

Of course, it was a dream, Arthur thought to himself. It bled into every nightly thought he has had of you now for the longest time. Your scent reached his nostrils. It was so sweet, so you. Small arms were wrapped around him, and your legs were now glued at either side of his thighs as your soft lips touched the skin under his ears in a silent kiss. Shivers wracked through his body as he ran his coarse hand alongside your waist, the soft woolen fabric hugging the curve of your waist tightly. Small gasps emitted from you as your hands ran up his stomach to his chest, planting small, tender packs against the slightly sunburnt skin, looking up at him through hooded eyes. Sinful, that’s how you looked.

He lifted you slightly, capturing your soft lips in his. The sweet caress of your skin against his felt divine, the wet noise of your tongues finding each other mingling with the sound of the rain outside. As the jacket slid down your shoulder, the man was left staring at the soft curve of your round breasts, revealed from the unbuttoned cotton of your blouse, the slight hardness of your nipples showing through the fabric.

“Arthur”

“Mmh.” He was too far gone now, but he kept assuring himself he was dreaming. You would have never put your hands on him if he wasn’t. He had noticed how you huddled closer to him from the cold when you rode on the horse, your figure nestling against his, curves snug against him. Did you do it on purpose? Were you aware of what you were doing to him? He was still trying to recover from what transpired in his head when you escaped the riders. No, not from the bullets seeking to pierce his flesh, but your bottom. Your soft, tantalizing rear. It had been flush against him as you leaned forward earlier, the round hips taunting him temptingly, almost as if they begged for his hands to caress the soft curves that stretched the fabric that covered it. Damned skirt. What he would have done to push it up your legs and reveal the tender flesh hidden beneath them. Your slit bare against the saddle’s leather as you squirmed, jiggling your cheeks like you were begging Arthur to give in to your desire. Shit. He shouldn’t have been thinking about you like that, not when you were right before him.

Leaning forward slightly, you ran your fingers through Boadicea’s mane as you patted her neck. You spoke, but the words that left your mouth turned into nonsense in his clouded head.

He had given you some nonsensical answer as he stared down at you through hazy eyes as your hips moved in sync with the horse’s motion, words flexed mindlessly out of his mouth as his restraint seemed non-existent. Your terms of cheerful disbelief grew distant as heat traveled through his body at his unholy thoughts, mouth too dry to give you a coherent answer. His hands moving on the reigns, trying to keep them from indulging your softness against him so he could feel the tremendous friction he was sure would send him straight to heaven. Christ, you riding on a horse should be illegal.

But now you were here, with him, and he had your soft body in his grasp. The tension from his earlier thoughts became apparent, his hands moving on their own as they familiarized themselves with your curves that felt so real. Too real.

Suddenly, you felt his hands on your button as he hastily lifts you. Automatically, your legs seek ahold of his waist, arms around his neck. He moved quickly over the floor as the lightning lit up the room from the cracks in the door, laying you down on the table and leaning down to cover your body with his. He was so close to you now, feeling every part of him press against you—every aspect.

Snap!

Frozen in place, wide eyes adorn your face from the sudden sound. Arthur was still above you as he sharpened his ears, finding it difficult to hear since the rain hit the ground loudly outside. The snap had been just outdoor, like someone stepping on a branch. Panicked, you tried to find a reasonable explanation: an animal, a branch falling, or maybe Boadicea had moved.

Slowly, Arthur raised his body from yours, leaving you flustered and scared on the table. With a frightened stare, you looked at him as he raised his finger to his mouth, slowly stepping away so the wooden planks wouldn’t creek. Leaning against the door’s side, his hand rested on his pistol. Stay still. His eyes told you to do as he said, and so you did. It’s not like you were able to anyway, your muscles petrified. They had found you. The worst outcome filled your mind; what would they do to you if they got the upper hand? Turn you in, or worse, put a bullet between your eyes?

The loud noise of the door slamming open made you shoot your eyes toward it, finding Arthur standing in the doorway with his pistol pointed out into the dark.

“Aw, shit.” His throaty voice was laced with disbelief, making you lift your head from the table. Your laugh filled the space as the back of your head hit the table with a loud clang, eyes squeezed shut from the sight in front of you. It had seemed like Boadicea had found a friend, the stallion standing still from the sudden intrusion and ran away in haste. “C’mon, get outta here!” The surprised man cursed after the horse, beckoning it out as your hands found your face. The adrenaline still racing through you made your hands shake as the hilarity of the situation made you speechless. Placing your hand on your racing heart, you sat up as the old cutlery clinked underneath you, hearing Arthur’s loud, angry steps hit the porch steps.

Standing before you, he sighed at your amusement, but you could see a slight smile worm its way underneath his frown. Although it quickly disappeared as he gazed at you before him. Right.

What in the world were you thinking? Now clear-minded, the intimacy you had shared entered your mind. Shame rose in you as your cheeks blazed, taking ahold of your blouse to cover your exposed state.

“Um…” You didn’t have the chance to finish the sentence before he cut you off. Hastily, he grabbed his rifle on the table and the pouch in harsh movements, making sure not to touch you before he went towards the door with big steps.

“It’s soon morning. Stay here until then; we’ll leave in a while.”

After the door slammed shut, the quietness was deafening. Now alone, you could see the slightest bit of light entering the cracks in the walls, but it didn’t ease the heaviness in your chest. It hadn’t been a dream, you thought to yourself. Every minute had been actual: his coarse hands, desperate lips, and body heat. If you closed your eyes and focused enough, you could still feel the traces of fingers over your clothing as his smell reached your nose once again, like he had united with the ghosts of this house and now haunted you. Taunting you. Why had he reacted so yet touched you so fiercely? You felt a pang in your chest at the thought, not understanding.

Opening your eyes, you buttoned your blouse in shame and put your hands on your cheeks as you lifted yourself off the table. It was still chilly in the room but not as bad as the night before. Mindlessly, you wandered over the space, sat in the chair where Arthurs’s jacket lay, and brought your knees up to your chest, hugging it tight with your arms. The blissful moment you had together faded, the warm touches dimmed into cold, malicious blows to your heart as the hope of finally having a pleasant dream vanished, the moment turning into an all too familiar nightmare.

#arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan smut #rdr2 #arthur morgan x reader #red dead redemption smut #red dead smut #smut #arthur morgan imagine #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur morgan blurb #blurb #imagine #xreader #red dead redemption imagine #red dead redemption x reader

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marbarmars-arts · 2 years

Photo

Welcome to my art blog~!

This is where you see all the fun stuff from me, ur favorite host, Marley! hehe :)

(#Marbars2024 is the current art tag!)

Here’s a run-down of the tags used around here if you’re looking for something specific (there are a lot of tags I apologize lmao):

#PreMiiverse = any art I can dig up before I was 10 years old

#Miiverse = my art during the golden age of my childhood lmao

You also have art from years 2017 onward that will usually go by #Marbars2017 and so on, y’all know Miiverse collapsed by then

#MarbarsDoodles = Where all the nondigital sketchbook doodles, paintings, and just irl stuff I make goes. If I remember what year I made it

#MarbarsWrites = Where all the writing stuff goes like fanfiction, poetry, etc.

Story specific Tags:

#The_Verse = Basically what I call the lore during Miiverse, “The Verse” or just “Verse” is the world some of my OCs used to reside in. Not all miiverse drawings will have this tag, but if it does I consider it to be canon to what happens in the Verse. #The_Canto = This is the lore after Miiverse/The Verse, “The Canto” or just “Canto” is a world that my persona creates as a safe place and a continuation of stories from the Verse. #Golden Eyes = It’s a power that my persona has that will make some appearances. It also comes with plenty of cool tricks and definitely some lore :) #Marlin Fools/April Fools = Ah April Fools, it’s such a tricky holiday lol. This is a storyline I do every year featuring the Genderbent Dimension, where Marlin takes over my social media for a week. Dimentio is also a featured character, usually wreaking havoc with his deadly vacation ideas... #Halloween Madness = Spooky month...I love Halloween! The colors, the candy, not to mention the scary transformations--wait what? This is a relatively new thing I’m doing for every October where everybody gets a new coat of Halloween paint...and even featuring a certain green bean... #Life of the Soul Sister = A Velva-centric spinoff where she travels around the world of Canto (and maybe even other worlds too, with the assistance of some dimensional hoppers) to help those in need, and even help herself. The only power she has is her words, will that be enough to get through the day? #Journeys of Chaos = A MaraDERP-centric spinoff where she wreaks havoc across the dimensions, recruiting chaotic beings such as herself to form a little family/team of her own. As she learns what it means to be a leader, a certain cosmic entity of order watches over her band of misfits. Stardra, a mere grunt of an organization is given orders from her superiors to wipe out MaraDERP’s group and replace their personalities to fit what these space beings see as “perfect and orderly”. With a battle between Chaos and Order breaking out, what will happen to these two former friends? #Talk in Action! = A Cellcia and Sprite-centric spinoff where they both host a talk show, with guests of all shapes and sizes. This wacky show comes with its own dubious surprises as we not only get to see their wit, but their strength too. Fights ensue, and then after the day is done, we get to learn about our characters and how their life-long friendship as evolved... #Frostbite = An Ice and Carnation-centric spinoff where we explore a hybrid species in Canto. Humans, but with the powers of the elements. Exploring what it means to be one of these, Ice, struggles to make people open their hearts and accept her kind of people. #Minty Frazzles = My M&L series comic! A love letter to the series that gave me...uh...the one I love! Fawful! There isn’t any issues of it atm as I’m a one-band team and I’m still working on the concept of it, but I have tons of doodles! It’s about a girl named Minty meeting Fawful after the events of Bowser’s Inside Story, and their journey to become friends and then...something more?? Things start out real rocky, but it gets better as time passes on. While these two are a huge part of the comic, I also want to make sure this REALLY feels like a M&L side story. :) #Fawful Night Funkin AU = This is a FNF AU of Minty Frazzles, where the story takes a more musical turn. Fawful, looking into the ways of controlling the masses, observes that people tend to obey music...specifically funky rapping. He’s got the musical talent, but with him being absolutely terrible at singing, he looks for a singer to fill his spot. Minty, a rapper hobbyist, accidentally runs into the bean, and is immediately lovestruck and wants nothing more than to impress him, perhaps even get a toothy kiss! ...Even if it means world conquest through song. #Fawful Menthos = Uhhh a very edgy AU of Minty Frazzles whose concept is still in the works. But it’s a what if situation: if Fawful did conquer the world during BIS? What if Minty was caught in the middle of this conquest? ...What if Fawful was lovestruck instead of Minty when they first meet? The story has a major overhaul and is a lot darker in tone (like a lot more death and a 3-way war lmao), but if one thing didn’t change was the fact that love is complicated. Especially if they were planning on stabbing each other in the back.

#MF Childhood AU = An AU based on the concept: ”What if Fawful and Minty met as children?” Take a dive into a more wholesome version of the ship you’ll get to know and love, to see Minty’s involvement during Superstar Saga through Bowser’s Inside Story. And...you’ll even see fankids in this AU. Because of course I would make fankids for this ship even if they’re not technically canon-- #Smoker Toad RP = My very very very big fanfiction that’s in the works, it features the main character of Smoker Toad, a 35 year-old Toad who was the formally named Bucken-Berry that used to save the Princess over and over again. He saved her so many times...in the same ways...it felt like it was all staged. And being a famous star came with its own set of problems. Not wanting to live in the lies of fame, he moves out of Toad Town and into the depths of Neo Bowser City. Down on his luck, he falls into addiction, which is where the nickname comes from. But just as things look real grim, Smoker finds his chance to be the true hero he always wanted to be. And it all starts with an encounter with a group of misfits, and a villain mastermind plagued by the dead. (And this is all just part 1! This also gets a part 2!) #Camentio AU = A lighthearted alternate universe of Smoker Toad RP where the roles of Fawful and Dimentio has been switched. Personality swaps and have been applied to the rest of the cast. Now with a tale of a shyer Casadora falling in love with Dimentio, a new story starts to form. (Camentio is the name of the ship btw! It’s the biggest change of the AU so that’s why it’s named after it) #Smoker Toad Future = This canonically takes place 25 years in the future after the events of Smoker Toad RP part 2, where the children of the usual cast are the main characters. I don’t have too many stories planned but it’s more of a fun way to continue the series even after everyone is old lmao. #Noncanon = This tag is where drawings I do that aren’t considered canon to any universe (so old drawings, one-shot stuff, and crossover stuff) belongs here.

There’s also OC tags as well, some lived in Verse (previously) but now live in Canto (so far):

MarleyMarbar (Art that contains my persona character)

VelvaFircas

MaraDERP

CellciaSnapper

SpriteNite

IceSirius

CarnationLibitr

AriaOmega

Stardra

RaindropBluu

KukuZee (This is my gf’s OC I’m allowed to use for shipping purposes)

Any genderbent version of these characters get (GB) added at the end.

Minty Frazzles characters tags (so far):

Minty(MF)

Fawful(MF)

Chilli(MF)

Salem(MF)

Midbus(MF)

Velvina(MF)

Frost(MF)

Pepper(MF)

Spear(MF)

Fawful Night Funkin versions get (FNF) added instead, Fawful Menthos versions get (FM), Childhood AU versions get (CH).

Smoker Toad character tags (so far):

SmokerToad(STP1) and SmokerToad(STP2)

Joseph(STP1) and Joseph(STP2)

Fawful(STP1) and Fawful(STP2)

Casadora(STP1) and Casadora (STP2)

Frank(STP1) and Frank(STP2)

Charlie(STP1) and Charlie(STP2)

Egadd(STP1) and Egadd(STP2)

Pike(STP1) and Pike(STP2)

JMom(STP1) and JMom(STP2)

Cackletta(STP1)

Midbus(STP1)

Dimentio(STP2)

Goombella(STP2)

Any Camentio versions of these characters get (CM1) or (CM2) instead, and Smoker Toad Future versions get (STF).

Also some ship tags (so far)!

IceHot = Ice x Carnation

IceCold = Ice x Raindrop (they’re exes now though)

Spooky = Sprite x Kuku

Mintful = Minty x Fawful(MF)

Jike = Joseph x Pike

Cawfie = Casadora x Fawful(ST)

Camentio = Casadora x Dimentio (Camentio AU only)

Buckbella = Smoker Toad x Goombella (STP2 only)

Fawley = Marley x Fawful (silly selfshipping hehe)

Marmentio = Marley x Dimentio (more selfshipping)

Marvig = Marley x Ludwig von Koopa (even more selfshipping)

Verry = Velva x Larry Koopa (it’s only temporary lol)

I hope y’all enjoy this REALLY LONG POST. (And use this post for reference when you’re confused about something I post)

#art blog #welcome to the Marley cinematic universe #No I do not make things easy and simple but I tried my best #had a lot of this stored in my damn brain for YEARS

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pinkseas · 1 year

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[parasocial bestie] NAWT ME TRYING TO GO BACK MY OWN TAG AND LIKE. REMEMBER WHICH TF RESPONSE I HAVE NOT RESPONDED its compulsory i must answer to Everything or i will die so Anyway im throwing everything in one ask HAHA

THE POST WITH THE LYRICS,... XIAOCORE,..... "When you said that I was killing myself / I've killed everything but my shame" indicating xiao wasnt regretting all the hurt he's done to himself be it from his duty or the repercussions bc he knows he Deserves it and takes it without caring any dignity like YOU JUST CANT

and adnd and!! GOWSH IT MAY BE A SHORTER SCENE OBV NOT MAIN FOCUS OR WHATEVER u gonna add in the next xiaolumi fic but i am just. gosh they mean saur much 2 me,..... he's concussed. zhongli frets like a mother. he's concussed what did he do to reach that point how serious it is to get zhongli fret like a mother. i am jUSTTTTTTT

and u. the. the xiao's mom you really went there you madmanwomangirlgnc. i read it all and i am crying sobbing at 4am that time. i am not okay i jsutcant believe this i cannot believe. the traits that she used to have that unconsciously influences xiao and at some point used in an unhealthy way than she intended for him to learn. "she sees no use dwelling in the past", he sees every. single mistake of it, of what he did even if it's out of his will. but also disregarding how he used to be, of that suffering if others know, and with the goodest of intentions- to point out what he's been through makes him deserving of care. my guy twists the morals so he can have his existence barely known so he can continue that quest of redemption he never had to do, or has long been redeemed.

"(she names him alatus, gives him wings the only way she can. may he never be trapped as she was for so long. may he always find a way to fly.) / (funny, really, how that works out.)" I AM LITERALLYYYYY NOT OKAYYYY I AM SO!!!!!! OK BUT I JUST,SF.FSFLDF THINK ABOUT HIS WINGS THE MOMENT U MENTIONED IT like. yeah bird adeptus yes absolutely its always canon but the thing about his wings. like how do you hc he lost it. ppl would go for amputation, or its still salvageable but it's been rendered so bad it doesnt have the strength for him to take flight. id pick one but i cant cuS MAN BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN UNIQUE PROGRESS OF GRIEF FOR HIM,..... to lose flight entirely is to lose part of himself and that's been like that for millenia it gets even harder once he knows lumine had wings before that HAS a chance to be obtained again,..... but for now they share that loss of wings, to feel the wind in your face as you fly higher and higher into the clouds.......

"it isn’t her fault or negligence or neglect that leads to him being taken. it’s the cruelty of the world and bad luck, plain and simple. he remembers missing her. he remembers missing her so much it ached." everytghing that comes after thsis. everything. i just,. im so,... sogdgfg im SO

"he makes her a grave. it takes a very long time. there’s no name and a marker only he would recognize. it’s nothing special. he thinks, distantly, that she deserved more than this. but it’s all he has, and that will have to be enough. and then he does what she always did, what she always taught him to do: he moves forward." dead on the floor

"you cant stop turning to talk to them only to realize you’re facing an empty space. paimon helps. paimon really, truly helps. but she’s her own person, a friend, not a sibling or a twin. not a replacement. not even close." WITH THE WAY I HOLD PAIMON FOR DEAR LIFE, THIS IS A REALITY I HAVE TO FACE AS MUCH AS HER!!!!! SHE IS NO REPLACEMENT!!! so i had to dig one of my other brainrot drafts where paimon had been a lil guilty for not contributing anything to the chasm, snapping at lumine for trying to reason her. pasting that sht here cus it still gets me despite im not exactly a Writer (and i like to put a lil sad quirk that paimon can go off third person in her speech if she's serious on it)

Her outburst was over with a harsh sob, and the pixie looked even smaller than physically possible. Paimon wiped her eyes roughly with a puffy sleeve, and Lumine wondered how contradictive her companion is when it comes to self expression. “... I wanted to do something.” “Not just talking, not just… being like this.” The pixie kicked the air weakly, fiddling with the folds of her shirt. “But it’s why I talk most of the time, so you don’t have to. Maybe then I’ll get to know Teyvat better, and how to get out of things faster. The Chasm was… scary.”

"Getting trapped there is different than when you were almost split in half most of the time." Paimon rubbed her eyes again, a sniffle too quiet to be heard. "'Cause your brother won't find you that way, and it means I broke my promise to you."

SO. YEA. paimon my emotional support flying nugget

"it def influenced my own thoughts on the travelers and their powers and how strong they were Before teyvat and how its changed them after" "i keep lumi and aether in that space between mortal and god / theres so much wiggle room and them as gods outside of very specific portrayals doesnt feel right to me / but theyre definitely VERY powerful and very inhuman imo"

PERSONALLY i looooooooove the different interpretations of the twins being primordial gods,.. or like as you said, that space between mortal and god, though to me i dont have a strong enough picture when it comes to defining what exactly they are in nature but def in that little space. cus i like to characterize lumine AND aether as human as they can and are, probably bc im projecting probably bc im a bitchass on a god's ego and personifying that. i revolve the story of the twins' journey regarding humanity, but more on them leaning to feeling human and mortal than a god, bc they HAD been gods before. or at least something equivalent.

and actually? my first impression of the twins to push the hc isnt through these typa fics, its from the theory that tied the twins with hyv's other game honkai impact 3rd; that theyre sort of 'scouts' that travels throughout space for a habitable world while honkai is close to its own cataclysm by Advanced Development being a threat to gods; just like khaenriah. so like. its a mess of a theory i saw long ago but ye kno!! its been stuck in my head since, and it solidifies my thought to lumine acting like a human bc she is, or was, with whatever happened in between turning her and her brother into who they are now. in that little space between.

so like!! for these twins. aether is more empathetic, he understood far more than lumine ever does, bc he doesnt focus on the duty more than the ppl he meets. lumine being the more calculative and speculative twin, doing strategies and being first in the offense- altho aether is the one ready to back her up and in the frontline, her tank and shield. hes more carefree, more kind, what nara varuna had been to the aranara is what he had been still. to cry for the forest people, to cry for those even if he thought; lumine would tell me to think this again, to not rely too much whats in his heart. now without him in the picture, she asks herself her own question. she looks back at how ae would do, would act and think thats not as far as she does. that lumine thinks through logic, and aether thinks through compassion. and then to the present where he's gone and she'd slowly fill the space he had been into her own personality, learning how he had been bc the aether she saw now was not there anymore. like gooooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh IDKKKKKKKKKK

NO BECAUSE ME HANDSHAKE YOU GOING THROUGH THE TAG TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAS AND HASN'T BEEN RESPONDED TO PLEASE THAT'S SO FUNNY OF US

"indicating xiao wasnt regretting all the hurt he's done to himself be it from his duty or the repercussions bc he knows he Deserves it and takes it without caring any dignity" exactly <3333333333333 no bc like. he doesnt Care he doesnt care about how much it hurts him hes so convinced that he DOES deserve it, its just part of his life part of his duty nothing more and nothing less. but that doesnt stop the shame that comes with anything he perceives as failure (which is definitely A Lot Of Things) or shit like being too injured to continue fighting im so. fmgnfgmnfmngmf

it may not be the Main focus but zhongli and xiao's relationship in this fic is basically the second biggest focus beyond xiao himself/the xiaolumi of it all tbh, even before we started talking before The Brainrot Festivals i knew i really wanted to highlight their relationship and dynamic and the way i was portraying them, zhongli will definitely be a very important part of it !! as for. what led to xiao being concussed and zhongli fretting that much. well. smile. im a fan personally although i DO really need to polish up the scene i did it so long ago its such a mess...... god thats ognna be SO fun i should try to do that today

"you madmanwomangirlgnc" GIGGLING SM HELP

"the traits that she used to have that unconsciously influences xiao and at some point used in an unhealthy way than she intended for him to learn." yeah <3333 "my guy twists the morals so he can have his existence barely known so he can continue that quest of redemption he never had to do, or has long been redeemed." NO BECAUSE LITERALLYYYYYYYYYYY its so fucked up i am going to Squeeze Him i am going to pour so much love into him that it overflows and turns into self love on god.

"but the thing about his wings. like how do you hc he lost it. ppl would go for amputation, or its still salvageable but it's been rendered so bad it doesnt have the strength for him to take flight. id pick one but i cant cuS MAN BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN UNIQUE PROGRESS OF GRIEF FOR HIM" w. well you see. the problem is. i have basically Never Thought About This. ive considered him with wings and thought about the Having but not the losing. so here are some thoughts off the top of my head, not all viable in canon but yknow

he still has them, but has rendered himself incapable of true flight. got rid of the flight feathers after rex lapis freed him, quite literally grounded himself in liyue. devotion and punishment all in one. i dont actually like this one too much but it was one of my first thoughts just in terms of wanting him to still have them but flight being out of reach

the god who enslaved him injured them beyond repair very very early on when xiao was doing his best to fight back against it, caging him in more ways than one. a show of control and power over him, a way to further force xiao to bend to his will. with proper care and healing they may have recovered, even as horrifically mangled as they were, but naturally that never happened

he still had his wings serving that god, but those victims who fought back against xiao when he came for them eventually damaged them beyond flight and/or beyond repair in an attempt to ground him and make him less dangerous/take him down

^^^^^ in either of those two above scenarios i like to imagine that the remains still cling to him when he's freed, and either zhongli or the other yakshas eventually help him fully remove them. they're a mess, they're dead weight, and they're never going to heal- he'd rather them gone completely than dragging on him like this, a constant reminder of what he'd (rightfully, in his own mind) lost

zhongli and/or some of the other adepti end up fighting xiao himself before the god who he serves is killed, and it isnt until then that his wings are damaged truly beyond repair and taken from him. he kneels and they're mangled, bloodied and broken, hanging limply from his back, and all he wants now is to die free. he doesnt deserve to live, not after what he's done. but death would be too kind, too, and so he accepts it when his life is spared, swears himself to morax instead. whoever it was who fucked his wings up like that feels awful about it, they approach him eventually to apologize. xiao doesn't know how to tell them how relieved he was to be rid of them in that moment, to have the ties to his past self fully cut. it's easier like this, if he's made anew, made to serve a new purpose, if he can abandon any semblance of love or naivety or innocence he once carried. it hurts something deep inside of him to imagine that that child survived. easier to see him buried, easier to separate himself from it all.

okay i think that's all ive really got id have to take some more time to think abt it ummmm. i think i like the last one the most? combined with the idea that it's zhongli or the yakshas who finally get rid of them? something about someone else being there, xiao not so much as flinching as an entire limb is severed from his body, the literal and emotional weight that vanishes with them. the scars are clean and smooth. xiao neither regrets their loss nor blames the one who ruined them. the wish to have them back goes hand in hand with the wish to have the rest of him back, to be who he used to be, and there's no use in thoughts like that. not anymore.

"it gets even harder once he knows lumine had wings before that HAS a chance to be obtained again,..... but for now they share that loss of wings, to feel the wind in your face as you fly higher and higher into the clouds......." o(-( crying shaking sobbing on the floor YEAH............ that shared loss. god. both of them mourning the freedom it granted them, both of them holding anemo so close to their hearts because it's not the same but it's enough.

LOSING MY MIND OVER YOUR PAIMON BRAINROT GODDDDDDDDDDDD

"'Cause your brother won't find you that way, and it means I broke my promise to you." this broke me. this Broke Me. SHE DOESNT WANT TO BREAK HER PROMISE SHE WANTS THEM TO BE REUNITED....... EUEUEUUEUEUEUUEU

"i revolve the story of the twins' journey regarding humanity, but more on them leaning to feeling human and mortal than a god, bc they HAD been gods before. or at least something equivalent." this FUCKS this is such a good way to look at it and direct it holy shit ??? learning to feel human learning to live as mortal people do learning the values of life itself learning how to love the little things....... man. Man.

"that theyre sort of 'scouts' that travels throughout space for a habitable world while honkai is close to its own cataclysm" i dont know SHIT about honkai but god that sounds so fucking cool and also huge rip to them oh my god... going out to scout a new world On A Time Limit and suddenly its 500+ fucking years later giggling sm

"with whatever happened in between turning her and her brother into who they are now. in that little space between." THIS IS SO GOOD them having been human once and eventually reaching the point where they are now......... g o d

"he doesnt focus on the duty more than the ppl he meets. lumine being the more calculative and speculative twin, doing strategies and being first in the offense" YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is something that can be so <3333 and her looking back and thinking about what aether would do THE AETHER SHE'S SEEN NOW ISN'T THERE ANYMORE.... GODDDDDDDDD im so. the mourning that comes with losing a twin, not knowing if they're dead or alive or where or how to find them, the mourning of your other half of always being known of living spent together. and the desperate hope of seeing them again only for that to come crashing down because this isnt who you knew, isnt who you remember, not at all. you are standing in front of a stranger. they still act like they know you, but you dont know them. not anymore. not at all. and that's its own unique kind of grief, to have someone who used to be your everything right there and to know nothing about them.

#parasocial bestie tag #explodes and dies

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lazysimp · 3 years

Text

Normal Again /// Bakugou x Fem Reader (18+)

✧Click HERE to read Male version ✧

Rating: Explicit

Summary: A sequel to fine. You never expected recovery to be easy but you never thought it would be nearly impossible. In the weeks since your torture things between you and Bakugou had only grown more strained. Will you be able to save your relationship or is it a lost cause?

Word count: 8.7k

Warnings/tags: TW: Self hatred/violence, degradation (not in a sexy way), Angst, Explicit sexual content, Oral sex (giving and receiving), Anal play, She/Her pronouns, All characters are adults, SMUT 18+ Only

masterlist┃AO3

A vicious laugh filled the air as Bakugou’s boot connected with your cheek sending your body flying towards the ground. His deep red eyes were full of glee watching you spit out blood from your busted cheek. He crouched down, looking at you as if you were filth.

“Look at you,” he sneered. “Just lying there taking it all. You are pathetic, honesty how did I ever see you as more than an easy fuck.”

“Stop it Bakugou,” you beg weakly. You could not bring yourself to understand how such cruel words could come from the same mouth that used to worship you.

His boot connects to your head once more sending blinding pain shooting through your skull. “Did you really think you were going to be with me forever? That I would tie myself to someone who can’t even stop themselves from getting kidnapped by a B-ranked villain.”

His boot rests on your face, its thick rubber sole indenting its print into your cheek. “The only reason I kept you around this whole time was that you spread your legs whenever I wanted. You are easy, too easy and the whole office knows it. They all laugh at you, at how much of a whore you are.”

Tears begin to leak from your eyes as he brought to light all your insecurities. You would rather he kept beating you than continue to torture you with his taunts. After every night of the same torture you had grown numb to the physical pain but no matter how hard you tried you could not escape his words.

“If it wasn’t for you I would have already climbed my way to the top. All you can do is hold me back from my dreams with your constant failures. You make me despise you.”

His heel digs into your temple creating an agonizing inescapable pressure. You were helpless to stop his merciless assault and you were not sure you even wanted to. All you really wanted was for all of this to stop. The constant pain and guilt had worn down your spirit, it was as though you had nothing left to even lose.

“Look at you just lying there taking it. Why don’t you fight me you pathetic bitch? Why don’t you ever fight?” He screamed, emphasizing each with a blow to your head. You reach up to cover your ears not wanting to hear anything else but your arms were trapped down at your side, held by some invisible force.

You try again to lift move your arms and then your legs but a warm tight hold tightened even further. Needing to escape the suffocating warmth you thrash around, lashing out at the invisible force.

“Shh, baby it is ok,” Bakugou said above you his boot still on your head. “This is all just a dream.”

You slam your eyes closed needing to escape the glaring red eyes that only brought you pain.

“Mimic is dead and will never hurt you again I promise,” Bakugou’s voice grows closer to your ear. This was your chance! You manage to free one arm and reach up, blindly scratching at any body part you could reach.

Your nails scream for mercy as you drag them viciously down his arm, their gliding made easy by blood. Despite the pain you know you must have caused, the invisible hold only tightened, trapping both of your hands.

“Please baby open your eyes, you are safe I promise.” Bakugou’s voice cooed softly trying to pry you away from your own mind.

You shake your head not trusting the voice, after all, it was the same one that had just been hurting you. With both your hands held still you are left with no choice but to use your teeth. You bite down on one of the arms holding you, sinking your teeth deep into the flesh until a rusty taste fills your mouth.

“Open your eyes my beautiful girl please,” Bakugou’s voice grew clearer, the malice you had been expecting surprisingly absent.

Reluctantly you relax into the warm hold and crack one eye open. A sweet smelling black tank top was the first thing you recognized. You blink your eyes a few times to clean them and get a better look around.

The cold dark room you had been in only moments ago was gone, replaced by a soft bed and warm blankets. The tight suffocating grip that had held you earlier is now a warm embrace.

You look at the strong arms holding you to your fiancé’s chest and wince. Deep red scratch marks littered his muscles and an already bruising bite branded his shoulder. With you no longer resisting he released your hands and started to run his fingers up and down your back. Despite his mask of relaxation, you could tell he was shaken up.

“I did it again didn’t I?” you ask weakly already knowing the answer.

Bakugou let out a sigh, “Yeah, it took me nearly ten minutes to get you back this time.”

Overwhelming guilt filled your mind for the second time tonight. You had hurt the man you loved because of some stupid dreams. It had been months since your rescue and still every night without fail you dreamed about it happening. It was like the torture never stopped.

“It is getting worse,” Bakugou says, continuing to pet down your back.

You nod weakly. He was not wrong. Neither of you had gotten a full night’s rest since the incident. No matter what pills you took without fail you dreamed about Bakugou. Logically you knew it was not Bakugou who had been the one to hurt you. He was your hero and his reward is you flinching from his touch and attacking him in your sleep. None of this was fair.

Bakugou’s lips softly pressed against your forehead as he pulled you in even closer. You ignored the spike of fear being close to him caused and tried to remember this was your Bakugou, not the sick twisted version Mimic created.

“We can’t keep going like this baby,” he says weakly. “I think I need to leave for a little bit.”

Absolute panic grips your heart, “No! Please don’t leave me. I’ll get better I promise. I will find another sleeping pill that one doctor prescribed worked for the first couple of weeks. We can figure this out, please don’t-”

“Shh,” Bakugou pulled you in closer. “Right now I am not good for you.”

You open your mouth to protest but he places his hand finger over our lips. “Baby you flinch every time I look at you.”

You wanted to deny his claim but remember how his eyes felt on your skin and shutter.

“My face, my voice, hell my smell are all triggers for you. I am hurting you by being near you. I am causing you pain by serving as a living reminder of your pain and I can’t do it anymore.”

Hot tears start to fall from your eyes. You hated how everything he is saying is not wrong. He is a walking trigger for the memories of that night and you had no idea how to get over them.

“So this is it,” you say, defeated.

“No, baby god no. You and I just need some time apart until you are ready to see me again. I am planning on staying at Deku’s for a bit, the nerd offered me his spare bedroom.”

Despair was the only thing you could feel. All of this was your fault and he should hate you for it but he doesn’t. Why doesn’t he hate you like you hate yourself? He should be screaming at you for causing all of this. The blame is yours and yours alone. If you had been just a little stronger you would never have been taken in the first place and none of this would have happened.

“Until I can get you to talk to me about how you are feeling I can’t help you. All I am doing is making this worse.” His arms started to loosen their hold around you and for the first time in weeks you wanted them back.

His arms pulled away completely, taking his warmth. “This is not permanent,” he assured. “It is just until you are ready for me to come back and I will wait as long as you need.”

You start to reach out for him, to beg him to get back in bed but the silhouette of him above you sent a chill down your spine. You wanted to rip everything apart, every time you made progress there was something dragging you backward.

You watch helplessly as he quickly dresses and leaves the bedroom, not looking back. You can’t blame him, you want to be free of yourself too. You could hear the front door to the apartment open and quietly shut, the lock clicking into place.

Life moved slower when you did not have your angry gremlin by your side. It had been a few weeks since he left and you had never been more miserable. At first, you had agreed to the separation, after all, he was a giant trigger but you were quickly realizing it was worse without him.

The anxiety of being alone at night had you reaching for your phone nearly every night, wanting to call him. It was a miracle you had managed to resist. With you not there to bother him maybe he would finally be getting some sleep.

The only communication you had gotten from him was a couple of texts letting you know he was still alive. You know he was trying to give you space but the longer he was away the more you wanted to drag him back home.

Your therapist had still not cleared you for fieldwork so the only thing you could to distract yourself was binge a couple of shows and try some cooking. Of course nothing you made tasted half as good as Bakugou’s cooking. By the end of the the first week your life consisted of sleep, tv, and takeout.

Your glazed-over eyes half focus on the tv in front of you as you are lost in your thoughts. You hear a knock on the door and rush over to open it. Could he have changed his mind and come back? For the first time in a long time hope filled your chest but it was quickly shattered as you look through the peephole. Uraraka stood still outside your door holding a few grocery bags.

You try to plaster on a fake smile and open the door. Uraraka did not wait for an invitation and barreled her way into your apartment.

“Hello to you too,” you mumble, closing the door.

She sets the floating bags onto the counter and releases her quirk. “Whew, you would believe the line at the store this morning. All the old ladies were fighting their way into the store for the 20% off sale. Of course none of them could beat me from being first in line.”

You snort, no matter how many brand deals and hero contracts Uraraka had she never stopped being frugal.

“How was your morning?” She asked, unpacking the many goods from the bags.

You shrug, “Same as always, watched some tv and pretend my life isn’t falling apart.”

Uraraka pauses and gives you a look of understanding. “You know he hasn’t forgotten about you, not for one minute.”

You look away, “What does it matter, our relationship is practically over. I have not seen him in weeks and even if I did see him I would make everything worse with my stupid fear.”

“You fear is not stupid, you went through something traumatic and need time to heal.”

You scoff, “I have had time. But every time I make any progress something triggers me and I fall right back down to where I started.”

“That is normal though! It took me weeks to even look at Deku without crying. You are both being too hard on yourselves.”

“I am tired of waiting!” You yell, finally letting your anger out in the open. “I miss him so much it hurts. I miss how he would hold me every night after he helped me bathe because I was too sore to even lift my arms. I miss how he would pack my lunch every day because he could not stand watching me go hungry. I miss my Bakugou.”

Uraraka wraps her arms around your shoulders pulling you in tight against her chest, letting you sob. It was the first time in weeks anyone had touched you. Her soft hands traced up and down your back, trying her best to soothe the pain.

“I miss him so much,” you cry between hiccups.

“So why don’t you call him? I am sure he would be happy to hear your voice.” Uraraka pulls out her phone and starts to dial his number.

“No!” You snatch the phone from her hand and toss it over your shoulder. You wince as you hear the phone connect with the hardwood floor.

The hand on your back stills, “You are going to replace that you know.”

You nod, a worthy expense if it meant you did not have to confront reality just yet. At least with him gone you could pretend your relationship was not over.

“Stop saying that! Your relationship is not over. What the two of you need is a good conversation.”

You must have said the last part out loud. “What does it matter, even if we have a conversation and he moves back in I will end up having nightmares and keep him up for weeks. It is not fair for him to suffer through that for me.”

“Ugh!” Uraraka shoves you off her chest and stands. “Both of you keep pushing each other away based on some convoluted idea that you are actually protecting each other. It makes me want to pull my hair out!

You cross your arms over your chest, “Well I am protecting him.”

She rolls her eyes, “Sure.”

“Hey, don’t make me regret teaching you sarcasm. I’m being serious, my nightmares were getting so bad I started to attack him in my sleep.”

“No offense but Bakugou can handle you with his hands tied behind his back.”

“But he shouldn’t have to! It is not fair for him to have to worry if his fiancé will attack him in his sleep every night.”

“News flash, life is not fair. It was not fair when I watched the love of my life get skewered in front of me. It was not fair when I could not look at him for weeks without crying. And it was not fair when Mimic tortured you. None of this is fair or just, it is all shit we are given and sometimes it is more than we can handle.”

She holds your chin in her hands, “The only thing you are doing wrong is pushing away the person who you need the most.”

“But I hurt him when he is close,” you argue weakly.

Uraraka’s eyes softened, “You hurt him more when you push him away. His quirk is not mind reading, he has no idea how to help you, how you can both help each other.”

You knew she was right, that what you were doing was not working. But you were stuck, unsure how to even start talking to him again. Even so, you had to try.

“Alright, I will try giving him a call-”

Behind you, Uraraka’s phone rang, its piercing ring tone cutting you off. Your heart sinks, that ring tone only went off when a hospital was calling. Without a word, Uraraka bends down and picks up her phone from the floor.

“Hello, this is Uravity speaking,” she said into the phone.

You watch her face for clues and your heart grew even heavier as worry danced in her eyes.

“Are you going to transfer him to the Hero’s hospital in Tokyo?”

Your breathing stops. No, the world could not be so cruel. Your hearing grows fuzzy making it impossible to tune into the rest of Uraraka’s conversation.

“Hey,” someone said in the background. “Hey, I need you to focus. Bakugou is hurt, I am not next of kin so they won’t tell me anything about his condition. I am going to drive us over to the hospital, he should already be there by the time we arrive”

You nod, too stunned to speak. He was hurt. Your Bakugou was hurt and you were just standing around. Ignoring the pain in your chest your mind finally snapped into action.

Wordlessly you and Uraraka rushed down to her car below. The drive to the Hero’s hospital was short, only a few blocks from your apartment. The front entrance was already packed full of reporters trying to catch a glimpse of your injured hero.

You bite your tounge to stop yourself from cursing the reporters out. Those nosy assholes wanted to broadcast Bakugou’s pain to the public for a quick buck. Luckily disappeared from your sight as Uraraka drove past the and into the private parking lot.

Uraraka had not even put the car in park when you shoved open the door and ran to the sliding doors. You could hear her yell to wait behind you but you kept running until you found the front desk.

You skid to a stop in front of a shocked receptionist and slam your palms down on the counter, “Where are they taking Hero Dynamight?” You ask, holding your hero license out so she would know you were not a reporter.

The receptionist winced, “I am sorry but only allowed to disclose information to the family of the patient.”

“Well I am his wife and I am demanding to know where he is.” You retort, not caring about the implications of the claim.

“Dynamight is not married, his paperwork states he is a single but nice try.”

“Listen here you-” your rant was cut short by a soft hand on your shoulder.

“It was a private ceremony, they have still not made it public yet so there is now paperwork. I know that is not protocol but won’t you please let it slide this once ” Uraraka smiles sweetly trying to play cute to get what she wants.

The receptionist shook her head, “ I am sorry but I cannot allow anyone who is not documented family to visit any patient.”

You open your mouth to yell but Uraraka beats you to it.

“That is fine, thank you for doing such a great job protecting our heroes.” She gently grabs your bicep and pulls you away from the desk before you could say another word.

“What are you doing she is our only way of figuring out anything about Bakugou.” You hiss trying to pry yourself free from her hold.

“No she’s not,” Uraraka turns her head to look at you and smiles. “I spent a few weeks coming in and out of this hospital while Deku was recovering. Going through the main entrance is the easiest way but there is a locked side door. With enough force, it can be wiggle open.”

“Won’t it have an alarm?”

“Of course it has an alarm this is a heavily secured building. Luckily they have a well-trained hero there to investigate the disturbance,” she winked.

You laugh, being a hero did have its perks. It only took a few more turns before she found the small door.

“Now when I open this door a blaring alarm will go off and two security guards will come rushing from either end. I will handle the one on this side but you will be on your own for the other. Try not to hurt them too much.”

With that Uraraka wraps her hand around the door handle and pulls, her arm muscles bulging from the effort. You stand still, stunned to watch your friend pry open the solid steel door.

The door finally gives sending out a blaring alarm but you had already made it past the first couple hallways, hiding in a small doorway as a guard runs past. You wait another minute to make sure the coast is clear besides casually walking down the hallway until you found a nurse’s station.

“Excuse me,” you say, trying to sound as polite as possible. “The front desk told me to ask you which room my husband is in.”

The oldest nurse looked you up and down skeptically, “What is your husband’s name?”

“Bakugou Katsuki.”

“Uh-hu sure, wait here a minute for me while I go find his nurse.” She turned and disappeared into the room behind the station.

Fuck, she was onto you. You slowly walk backward away from the door’s line of sight and rush down the hallway looking desperately for Bakugou. He had to be here somewhere but the hospital was a maze of hallways and doors with no names on them.

You could not yell out for him that would only alert security to your position faster. You spin on your heels looking frantically for any sign of him but the more you look, the more lost you become.

“Hey! You cannot be back here,” A security guard yelled, a taser already armed in his hand.

You put your hands into the air, looking to your side for an escape. You could handle one petty security guard but you did not feel like explaining to the commission why you beat a guard. Sucking in a deep breath you run towards the officer who was too shocked to pull the trigger on the taser. Sticking your leg out you kick his feet out from under him sending his back to the floor.

Without looking back you run down the hall taking as many turns as you could to find a hiding spot. One of these rooms had to have no camera in it.

In your frantic looking, one door stood out. It was off to the left in a dead-end hallway. It had to be a good enough hiding spot as any. You sprint to the door and swing the door open into a pitch-black room.

You felt bile rise in your throat at the thought of entering the darkness but you had no choice, security was hot on your heels. You close your eyes and step into the darkness, closing the door behind you.

Your back rests against the door and you listen to the guards run past the hallway. For now they had no idea where you were. You let out a sigh of relief and feel around the wall for a light switch.

Mercifully, you find it and switch it on. The room looked like any other hospital room except for one thing. There was someone in the bed and they were about to look up.

Shit! You duck under one of the tables in time to hide from their view.

“Oi, I thought I told you people to leave me alone! I already took the damn pills and agreed to stay the night.”

Your breathing stops at the deep rough voice of Bakugou. You found him; he is not in a coma fighting for his life. He is in bed resting safely just feet away from you. A sob of relief climbs your throat, and you have to slap your hand over your mouth to mute it.

The rush of blinding fear to find Bakugou suddenly turns into fear about seeing him. What if he did not want you to visit? Fuck you should have thought about this more before you left.

“I can hear your breathing! Don’t make me get out of bed or I will kick your ass.”

Not wanting him to hurt himself by standing you relent and force your weak knees up. You keep your eyes to the floor not daring to look at his face, “Surprise,” you tease weakly.

“W-what?” Bakugou said, his voice high and full of confusion.

“I-I heard you got hurt, no one was telling me anything, so I decided to come and check up on you myself. But I see you are fine so I will leave you alone. I am sorry for barging in.”

“Wait! Don’t leave,” Bakugou winces as he sits up in bed, his abdomen covered in bandages. Instantly you rush to his bedside.

“Don’t move that fast you will hurt yourself!” You lecture, gently pushing him back down to the bed. Bakugou looks down at your hands with shock, you had not touched him caringly since the incident.

You quickly realized your hands were still on him and snatch them back to your side. You stand there awkwardly, unsure what to do. It was like the months of being together had been erased since he had left.

“W-what happened?” You finally ask to break the silence.

Bakugou looks down at his hands, “Some stupid kid ran out in the middle of the fight and almost got themselves killed. I didn’t have enough time to get them out of the way, so I had to shield them instead. Damn villain managed to shoot me.”

“You got shot!”

“Yeah, pathetic asshole knew he could not take me without a gun. Lucky for me he had terrible aim and managed to only graze my side. The only reason I am still in this stupid bed is because Rescue Girl is on vacation and refuses to come in and heal me.”

The heavy weight on your heart lifted slightly knowing he was not seriously hurt but you still worried about his current condition. Bakugou was not one to sit around until he felt better. In the time the two of you had been together he only got sick once and it took tackling him to the ground and tying him up in bed to keep him from working.

You knew him and Deku were on good terms now but dealing with a hurt Bakugou was a full-time job. “How long did the doctor say you have to be off work?”

Bakugou scoffed, “She thinks I have to wait at least a week even with Recovery Girl. As soon as I can escape this bed I will head back to the office I have a villain to hunt down.”

You put your hands on your hips, “Oh no you won’t. If the doctor tells you to wait a week you will wait a week.”

A mischievous grin spreads across Bakugou’s face, “Oh, and how are you going to enforce that?”

Blood rushes to your face making your cheeks feel like they were burning. To keep him from fighting his restraints the last time he was sick you had to fuck him until he was too tired to care he was chained up. By the time he had recovered from being sick you could barely walk and he had to be the one to take care of you.

“Don’t look at me like that when you are hurt.”

“Then answer the question, how do you plan to keep me from working this week.”

“What are you five? Do you really need an incentive to be good?” You taunt.

A wolfish grin spread across his face, “Yes.”

You throw your hands up in the air, “Ugh, you are terrible!”

His hand reaches out and grabs your wrist to pull you in closer to the bed and for a second fear flashes in your eyes. All of the teasing had made you forget your fear but his touch brought is all back.

Bakugou sensed the change in your demeanor and opened his hand to free you from his touch.

“Wait, don’t move your hand,” you suck in a deep breath. “Just give me a second.”

His warm long fingers wrapped themselves back around your wrist, holding still as you try to calm your heart. You were stronger than this fear. You could do this.

“Baby, you don’t have to push yourself, I understand-”

“No!’ You yell, taking a step closer to his bed. “This is ok, I will make this ok again.”

You avoid looking at his face, needing to build up your strength before testing your limits. Being separated from him had helped your memories heal some but it was still difficult to see him.

Forcing the tight fear in your chest down you intertwined your fingers through his and pull them up to your lips, gently kissing his knuckles.

“It is easier when I control where you touch,” you mumble to him, trying to follow Uraraka’s advice.

“What?” Bakugou asked, unsure what you meant.

“When you are the one controlling the touching, it makes me nervous because I don’t know what will happen next. It makes me feel like I have no control and that is when I start to freak out.”

You look down to where your hands were joined, “When I am leading the touch I have some idea of what will happen next and it is easier to not feel scared.”

“So you have to be in charge?”

“I don’t have to always be in charge, I just need to know what you are thinking, what you are doing before you do it or I need to be guiding it.”

Bakugou smiled, “So if I told you to sit on my face would that work?”

A few incoherent words fall out of your mouth as you try to process what he just said.

“Well, maybe, but you are hurt and need your rest. Besides, you should not be thinking about that while you are lying in a hospital bed. When you are discharged, we can try something like that.”

Bakugou sat up straighter, “Oh no you don’t. I have gone without your taste on my tongue for too long. You are going to get that sweet ass over here and sit on my face.”

“No, Bakugou. Look at the state of you. I could seriously hurt you.”

That was the absolute worst thing you could have said, in seconds his teasing eyes filled with fiery determination. The last time he gave you that look was when you rejected going on a date with him. A week later he had your legs wrapped around his waist.

He lifts his finger and points to you and then his face, “Come here.”

You stubbornly shake your head, “This is not happening Bakugou. You could tear your stitches and have to stay in the hospital even longer.”

He shrugs, “Fine with me as long as you are here.”

This damn man must be suicidal. “We need to talk more about our relationship before we dive right into sex.”

“Your mouth will be free and clear to talk.”

“This is an awful idea. What if I get freaked out in the middle of it all?”

“That’s easy, we stop,” he gently pulls you in closer his face now only inches away.

“Please baby I have missed you; I promise I will stop if it gets too much.”

You were conflicted. Neither of you were in a state where you should be fooling around. But the feel of his hand on yours was so calming and warm that you wanted more.

“Alright,” you whisper. “But If you are in any pain you need to let me know.”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise. Now get that pretty ass up here,” he pats his shoulders.

“This is such a bad idea,” you mumble to yourself as you slip off your pants while Bakugou lowered the head of the bed. This could go wrong in so many ways but the longer you thought about his tongue on you the less you cared.

“Fuck baby,” Bakugou groaned, “Climb up, you won’t hurt me.”

You toss your pants to the side and do as he said. Climbing up onto his bed and carefully lowering yourself over his face. Your face was burning at the thought of what all he could see. Needing support, you grab ahold of the headboard. After all you did not want to hurt him. Bakugou was not having that. He wrapped his arms around your thighs and pulled you down until you had no choice but to rest your weight on his face.

“Wait, you could hurt yourself,” you protested breathlessly.

He only laughed, his hot breath teasing your aching cunt. He sat still under you for a few minutes letting you get adjusted to the feeling of his touch, and it let him soak in the sight of you above him.

“Such a pretty pussy,” he mumbled against the soft skin of your thighs. Not wanting to move too fast he first places a few sloppy kissing along with your inner thigh, giving you ample time to mentally prepare for his mouth on your cunt.

You try to stop yourself from shaking but it was impossible. It had been months since someone had touched you and to have Bakugou beneath you, ready to worship your body, was almost too much for your brain to process.

Bakugou’s mouth teased your other thigh before settling on your already soaking wet pussy.

“That’s my good girl, already wet for me. This pretty pussy knows who it belongs to, but does its owner?”

“Bakugou stop talking to my pussy and get to work,” you growl.

“Tsk, when did you become so greedy?” The hands on your thighs shift around until they were able to spread open your sex giving him complete access to you.

“You are lucky I miss this just as much as you do or I would tease you for hours. Tie your ass to the bed and not let you leave until neither of us could move.”

You rock your hips trying to egg him on, “Sounds to me like you are all talk.”

The hands on your thighs tighten forcing you to put all your weight onto his face. You try to pull yourself up, not wanting to suffocate your boyfriend but he refuses and goes straight for the kill. His soft wet tongue drags a straight line up the slit of your cunt, gathering up your juices.

Your hands abandon the headboard and thread through his hair. Bakugou groaned, settling into feasting on your cunt. His soft lips slide through your folds, looking for your hidden button.

“Ah please Bakugou,” you beg, “it feels so good.”

You could feel his smile against your skin before his mouth latches onto your throbbing clit, dragging it into his mouth.

While his lips teased your clit, one hand left your thigh to snake around under you. You lurch forward as two thick fingers slip through your folds, wetting themselves in your slick before they gently press at your entrance.

Your hips buck away from the combined sensations fearing to be too much but Bakugou was not having it, he strengthened his hold on your thighs and pushed you down on his fingers. You sob at the feeling of being stretched, it had been so long the burn was more intense than normal.

“Fuck baby you are so tight around my fingers, I can’t wait to have you wrapped around my cock,” he groaned.

“Bakugou,” you whined. “You can’t just say things like that.”

He releases your clit with a pop, “Like what? Like how I want to feast on this pussy until you are all I can taste for weeks. Like how by the time I am done with you, you will be a sobbing mess that I will have to take care of. Just listen to this sloppy pussy take my fingers. Fuck baby people would kill for even a sliver of this cunt but too bad for them it is all mine.”

You shove a fist in your mouth to stifle a loud moan. The last thing either of you needed was someone barging in.

Bakugou pulled your aching bud back between his lips and got to work. The two fingers inside you started to pump, curling to hit your sweet spot each time they were inside you. His delicious tongue flicked up and down on your clit driving you mad.

Trusting you would not run away he releases your other thigh and reaches under your shirt. His large hand stroked up your stomach, caressing the skin there before latching onto one of your nipples. He pinches the soft peak between his fingers, rolling it until it pebbles. You arch your back into his hand and start to rock your hips wanting more.

Bakugou moans into your cunt, able to tell you were growing lost in the pleasure. He loved it when you were too engrossed with feeling good to care about anything except him.

Looking down in between your legs you could see his light blonde hair peeking out from the apex of your thighs and had a devilish idea.

“Bakugou stick out your tongue,” you order.

He releases you from his mouth and looks up, his chin soaking with your juices, “What?”

“Stick out your tongue, like this,” You show him with your own mouth.

A spark of recognition flashed in his eyes and he smiled. Good, he liked the idea too. With no delay, his tongue stuck out of his mouth. You reach down and spread yourself open, settling back over Bakugou’s eager tongue. His fingers abandon you in favor of holding onto your ass while you dig your fingers into his hair.

With both of you settled you slowly begin to rock your hips, riding his tongue. You start off slowly, watching closely for any sign Bakugou was not comfortable but judging by his growl of pleasure you would say he is just fine.

A red hot warmth started to grow in the lower half of your body, slowly spreading its tingle to your lower belly. Fuck, the image of Bakugou beneath you, letting your ride his face was almost too much to process.

“Oh god Bakugou,” you moan. “Please, it feels so good.”

He could only groan in response, his mouth too busy bringing you to your peak. When you looked down at him between your legs you could only see his bright lust filled eyes. They were intensely watching you fall apart.

White spots started to grow in your vision and you increase the speed of your thrusts. The fingers in his hair tighten, now holding onto him for dear life. It only took a few more rocks of your hips before the white spots grew into a blinding white light.

Overwhelming waves crashed into you, sending glorious pleasure pulsing through you. Your body was not your own as the electricity ran through you making every muscle grow taunt and release in a never-ending cycle.

Bakugou redoubled his effort, not letting you even finish your first peak before he was building you up to another. The idea that you would feel that pleasure again was enough to make you mad.

His fingers slipped into your clenching entrance and curled forward, teasing your sweet spot. His lips returned to your clit, sucking it gently into his mouth and lashing at the tender bud with his tongue.

You release his hair, afraid you will rip it out, and hold onto the headboard as all the clenching tension finally releases, sending you spiraling. Loud wanton moans ripped from your throat and you could do nothing to stop them.

Bakugou toyed with you until you could no longer hold yourself upright. Only then did he gently lift you off his face and down onto his lap. You slouch over and rest your forehead on his shoulder. The world around you was fuzzy, your mind still reeling from how hard you finished.

“Wait, Bakugou you are not supposed to be lifting anything!” You yell when your mind finally returns to reality.

“Tsk, I already told you I am fine.”

You fought the urge to slap him, “You idiot what if you had busted open your stitches!”

“You did not seem too worried about that when you were rubbing your cunt on my tongue.”

“Well, obviously I was not thinking straight,” you mumble. Damn him for being right.

Bakugou gives you a sly smile, “You know I am feeling a little sore.”

Regret slams into you, “Damn it Bakugou, I was worried this would happen. Where are you hurting.”

His hips thrust upwards forcing his rock-hard cock against your ass. “Right there baby.”

You flick your finger against his forehead, “I was really worried you asshole.”

“But it aches, won’t you make it feel better?”

“You are lucky you are hot,” you whisper into his ear before carefully descending his body. You settle in between his legs, pulling down the blankets to free his cock.

You have to stop and stare at it. Everything about your boyfriend had to be perfect. His cock was long and proud, resting on his stomach with a small tuft of blonde pubic hair at the base. His cock had one large vein running up the length of it, pulsing with each heartbeat. God, you wanted to trace that vein with your tongue.

Reaching up you wrap your hand around the base of his cock. He was so warm on your hand, like your own personal space heater. You shuffle your body to get your mouth a little close to his cock and then before he could say anything bring the head of his cock into your mouth.

His reaction was instant, his hands shot down to grab at the sheets beside your head. You could feel his hips flex under you as he fought the urge to thrust up into your mouth.

Feeling emboldened by his reaction you relaxed the muscles in your jaw and took more of his length into your mouth. His salty flavor spilled across your tongue as he started to release pre-cum. Your poor baby had gone too long without any attention.

Redoubling your effort you bring up your free hand and wet it with your spit. Reaching under your busy mouth you slide your finger down until you find Bakugou’s tight entrance.

“Hey, what do you think you are doing?” Bakugou growls, grabbing your wrist.

You let his cock fall out of your mouth and look up innocently, “I am making you feel good baby, just lay back and relax. I promise this will feel good.”

He looked conflicted but slowly the iron-clad grip on your wrist loosened enough to set you free. Not waiting for him to change his mind you begin to circle his hole with your wet finger. Before you could even try to push your finger forward you needed him to relax. You return to teasing his aching cock with your mouth, sucking on his tip just the way he likes all the while circling your finger around his hole, waiting for him to relax enough for you to slip it in.

As you take another inch of him into your mouth you could feel him relax enough to slip your finger slip past the tight ring of muscle. You could feel Bakugou tense so you did not move the finger forward, giving him time to adjust to the intrusion.

With your tongue on his dick it was easy enough to distract him as you slowly inch your finger in. Once you went in far enough you twist your finger around, looking for a soft spongy spot inside him. A sharp thrust up into your mouth signaled you had found exactly what you were looking for.

“What the fuck,” Bakugou groaned, his hands going to hide his face. You smirk, finally, you were the one driving him insane.

You benign to move your hand and mouth on his cock in time with your finger in his ass. Small pathetic whines were leaving Bakugou’s mouth and you felt like a god. You were so engrossed in bringing him pleasure you had no time to think about anything else.

You could hear his breathing begin to grow more labored and his cock grow even harder in your mouth. “Fuck, baby I am going to-” Was the only warning you had before his cum shot to the back of your throat.

You swallow his release down, making sure to ease your hold on his cock, now only gently pumping your hand and finger to lengthen his orgasm.

Slowly the pulsing of his cock stopped and you released him from your mouth, wiping the spit on your chin off with the back of your hand. You could not help but smile as you watched Bakugou slowly come back into the real world with a beautiful dazed look on his face.

He slid his hand under your chin and lifted your head to meet his eyes, “Where the fuck did you learn that?”

“Being away from you for this long made me desperate so I watched a couple of videos to make it easier.”

“Right,” he said breathlessly, “You need to show me that shit later if it taught you that.”

You laugh, “Gladly. Now lay down you need your rest.”

Bakugou tilts his head, “What the hell do you mean rest? I have not been away from you for too long, I can rest later. Now I am going to get my cock into that tight pussy.”

“Bakugou you just finished.”

“So,” he thrusts his hips up, rubbing his already erect cock against your ass.

“How?” You ask in amazement.

“I have been fantasizing about fucking you for months baby. Did you really think once would be enough to satisfy me?”

Without waiting another minute his hands grab into your hips and lift you up. Lining your entrance up with the tip of his cock. In a flash you involuntarily tense your body, the memories of that night rushing back into your head. No, no, no, not now, not when you were so close to being one with Bakugou again.

His bright red eyes meet yours as he feels you tense. Fuck, why did you always mess everything up, this was all your fault. Why could you not just be normal, that is what he deserved a nice normal happy girl.

“Hey,” Bakugou whispered softly. “Talk to me, what is wrong.”

You wanted to keep your lips shut, to pretend that everything was fine but that would be lying. You never wanted to lie to him.

“I can’t stop thinking about Mimic. One minute I am fine and the next he is all I can see.”

Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed, “You were fine with what we did earlier? What triggered it?”

You shake your head, “It is different every time. It is just hard for my mind to differentiate from my Bakugou and the one Mimic made.”

“So call me Katsuki.”

“Huh?”

“If you are having a hard time with there being two Bakugou’s, then try calling me Katsuki. That way there is at least one easy way to tell me apart from him.”

“You want me to call you by your first name?”

His eyes softened, “Yeah baby, I want you to call me by my first name.”

“Katsuki,” You test his name out, loving how it feels on your tongue. You watch his face to see his reaction and see lust fill his gaze. Oh he liked it.

You start to whisper his name over and over again, like a prayer to remind yourself you were no longer under Mimics thumb. You were with the man who would kill anything that tried to hurt you.

“If you keep saying my name like that baby I am going to fuck you,” Katsuki growled into your ear.

Oh would he now? You wiggle your hips, teasing the head of your cock with your dripping slit. Pulling him in close you whisper one little word, “Katsuki.”

“You asked for it,” He laughed, hauling your hips back up until they hovered over his cock.

The hands on your hips gripped down with bruising force and his cock slipped into your entrance. All the play from earlier had left you more than prepared enough to take his length. The familiar burn started as his cock sank deeper inside you, opening you wide for him.

“By the time I am finished with you, this tight cunt is going to be fucking dripping in my cum. I am going to fill you to the fucking brim.”

A low groan was your only response he bottomed out inside you, his cock leaving no space unfilled. You could damn near feel him in the back of your throat. Normally he would be the one to initiate thrusting but you were growing too impatient.

Bracing your hands on his chest, careful to avoid his bandages, you lift your hips up until only the tip of his cock was inside. Then you slam your hip down, marveling at the feel of him entering you again.

His cock was perfect for hitting all the sweet spots inside you. Not wanting to be left out Katsuki grab ahold of your ass and uses his own strength to strengthen each thrust.

You look down to where you both were joined and almost came on the spot. The sight of his cock pistoning into you was mind-shattering. He looked like a god beneath you. His large muscles building with effort, the thick veins in his arms standing elevated.

“Look at me,” he ordered, his bright red eyes filled with determination. “Right now you are mine, that means the only thing you are allowed to think about is me. About how good my cock feels splitting you open. Is that clear?”

You weakly nod your head, too overwhelmed to speak. A soft smile spreads across his face, “That is my baby, so good for me.”

His praise felt like a caress on your skin. You needed to distract yourself or this would end too soon. You lean forward and press your lips onto his. His tongue glided along the seam of your lips, demanding entrance. You happily opened your mouth allowing his tongue to slip inside. The taste of his spit was mixed with your own flavor, and you still had some of his taste on your tongue. The combined flavor was so fucking lewd and hot.

The familiar tingled started to grow in your pussy, you were not going to last long. The muscles in your legs begin to tremble making your thrusts grow sloppy. Katsuki was not having it. His hips rose to meet yours, forcing your body to endure even more pleasure all the while he toyed with your mouth.

It all became too much, the different sensations all worked together to drive you up, higher and higher you were climbing until it was hard to even breathe. Then, just like that, all the pressure released sending you spiraling.

Your pussy clamped down on his cock, forcing Katsuki to erupt. The thought of him filling you only lengthened the brutal pleasure filling your mind. There was no room in your mind for anything but him. You had no care in the world but him just like he ordered.

As the pulses of pleasure slowed you were able to finally catch your breath. You both laid still in each others arms for a few minutes, letting you come slowly back to earth. Of all the times the two of you fucked this definitely had to be in the top three. Though they did say that makeup sex was the best.

“How are you feeling?” Katsuki asked, his voice rough.

You rest your ear against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, “I feel good.”

He places a soft kiss on your forehead, “Do you think you are ready for me to come home?”

You take the time to think about it. Having him back in your life did not set off fear like it used to. Instead, it made you feel warm inside. You looked forward to going to bed with him instead of dreading it.

“Yeah,” you smile. “Yeah, I am.”

The arms around your waist tighten pulling you impossibly closer to his chest. You snuggle in closer, getting comfortable. Katsuki would never admit it but lying here with you in his arms safe and happy was one of the happiest moments in his life.

Neither of you was healed from what had happened but you refused to push him away again. You will get past what happened and you will do it with him by your side.

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2jaeh · 3 years

Text

FREAKS THE PREQUEL : TAEYONG X TEN X READER

genre: smut, humor

warnings: poly themes, alcohol, some drug use, threesome, oral M and F receiving, semi-public, fxm, mxm, just a lot of smut related tags tbh

word count : 11,8 K

AUTHOR SIN

Everyone had heard of you but where did the story begin ?

This is the prequel to FREAKS (Jaehyun x reader) a story of why the entire campus were almost certain that you Taeyong and Ten were in a poly affair.

A/N: before anyone asks I will be doing a part two of Freaks w Jaehyun, I needed to get this part out first! Also commissions are open on my fiverr and let me know in my inbox what you think of this series!

0. Prequel

1. Freaks pt 1

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You always wondered what it was like to fit in. Whether people rarely stared, that It didn’t matter what music you listened to or how you dressed as long as you followed the quota you were good. But four months into university made you quickly realise that it wasn’t easy making friends as people made it out to be. Being in the art department, you took notice of a few people that met your requirements but after an exchange or two the conversation fell flat and it would feel like you were back to square one.

You sat your sketchbook down on the wooden table situated at the back of the fine arts classroom and slumped into the chair waiting for class to begin. Your eyes watched every person that sauntered through those indigo doors. Hippies, wannabe tattoo artists, rich kids who took art just to prove they’re cultured, and the ones who weren’t worth remembering.

“Today we will explore life drawings so pull out the items I asked you to collect and partner up with the person seated next to you” your lecturer clapped his hands as the classroom filled with shuffling of seats and small greetings.

You turned to your left and noticed a black haired boy with a mullet cut passed out on the desk. You had seen him at a few parties but you’ve only exchanged less than a sentence with him.

Grabbing your pencil you poked his exposed arm until he groaned and stretched his arms out in front of him yawning, “Are we done already ?”

“We just started, and were partners” you faked a smile and shifted your desk closer to him.

“Oh shit sorry, you’re y/n right ?” He asked, his voice was soft and friendly. His cat-like eyes blinked cutely as he adjusted his loose shirt and turned his body to face you, “you were at Jungwoo’s party last week.”

“Oh yeah I was” you chuckled scratching the back of your head, “You…are Ten Lee, I remember your strip club design project. It was pretty awesome”

Ten’s eyes lit up at your words and you felt a sense of warmth emanating from him. It felt genuine unlike most people on this campus and you couldn’t believe it took you this long to even talk to him.

“I tend to see how far I can go before the faculty calls my parents in” he snickered and began pulling out his drawing equipment from his overly decorated tote bag. You mimicked his actions and in turn pulled out the items your lecturer had asked you to collect. Personal trinkets he said, three items that you think represented you.

You looked around at the nearby desks and noticed a lot of the same items placed on everyone's desk. Candles, AirPods, tea boxes, vinyls and anything else you would find on ‘art hoe Tumblr 101’. You annoyingly rolled your eyes as you looked down at your own equipment.

A rusty old key you had found in your room, the cigarette butt of the last one you smoked since you’d quit, and of course the grand finale, an anime figurine of a woman with boobs bigger than her head. Perfect.

“Hentai is…..your identifier ?” Ten stifled his laughter as he grabbed the figurine from your desk and closely examined her clothing, or lack thereof.

“I actually stole that from the store my ex worked at but yeah we can go with that, what is yours ?”

You watched Ten remove the items from his bag and your eyes widened at one item in particular, “dude is that a vibrator ?” You questioned and Ten grinned, holding up the palm sized gadget and switched it on briefly before turning it off and flinging it on his desk, “yeah I identify strongly with it” he shrugged.

“How exactly?” You quizzed him as the boy, still poker faced, played with the rings on his fingers.

“Vibrators pleasure people, and I do the same, there's no lore to it y/n”

“Good to know I guess” you pressed your lips together and you felt Ten tug on your arm until his lips were against your ear,

“You wanna skip and try it out in the bathroom ?”

———————————————————————————————————

You had no idea what the fuck was going on but within minutes you and Ten were walking down the hall to the nearest bathroom after he explained to the lecturer that the two of you had to hand in a business assignment a couple doors down. Ten pulled you into the girls bathroom and looked under each stall until he realised you two were the only ones in here.

“What the fuck is happening right now” you walked hand in hand with him into the last stall and leaned against the cold tiled wall.

“You about to get one of the best orgasms ever that's what” Ten bit down on his lip cheekily and found the slit of your floral skirt and pushed it to the side, revealing your black laced panties on full display for him.

As Ten’s fingers slowly began making its way to your core you smacked his hand, causing him to look up with wide eyes, “What ?”

“At least kiss me first, how am I supposed to get in the…mood?” Ten chuckled at your words and raised his hands amusingly, “Okay Okay I didn’t think this would be a whole ordeal”

You rolled your eyes and pulled Ten by his neck into a deep kiss that actually surprised the both of you. Each side was filled with lust as your tongue moved against his and fought for dominance. Ten pressed his body against you roughly, earning a moan from both of you once you felt your bodies connect in the most passionate way. Kissing him was different, It completely changed the way you looked and felt about him. He went from being the cute cat boy in your class to probably one of the sexiest people you had ever met. Ten roughly bit your lip and smirked into the kiss when he felt your nails dig into his shoulder. He quickly used the opportunity to slip his hands in-between your legs which you politely parted for him and ran a finger over your core.

“Oh shit” you breathed against his lips as he moved the material out of the way and slipped his finger inside with ease. His finger moved slowly in and out of you while his lips were still attached to yours not missing a second of that mouth-watering kiss. You had no idea when his finger was replaced with the vibrator but the sensation made you break away from the kiss and throw your head back in ecstasy, not knowing when was the last time you even felt like this. The combination of Ten’s wet kisses on your neck and the vibrator completely destroying you, it was happening. The orgasm of the fucking century was approaching. You would like to believe that you were only at your breaking point because you hadn’t hooked up with anyone in a while not because Ten was this good. But he was. He was fucking amazing and this was just a taste, just an introduction to him.

Ten increased the speed of the vibrator until your legs were shaking and clasped his hand over your mouth to prevent the whole department from hearing you coming undone.

“Fuck..” You sighed, holding onto his shoulders for support as you tried catching your breath, “yeah the whole pleasure analogy between you and the vibrator….I get it.”

“Glad to be of service” Ten stuck his tongue in his cheek and began neatening his outfit before hooking arms with you and walking out of the bathroom. You already had no intention of going back to class anytime soon so the two of you ended up wandering the halls of the pristine campus, hoping the day would pass away.

“Y/n” you heard a voice call from behind you, not your favourite voice in the world.

“Fuck” you sighed and turned around, watching the tall black haired man make his way over to you. You watched a cocky smile spread across his face as he came over, his tall frame standing over you and Ten.

“What do you want Jinyoung ?” you asked, raising your eyebrow at him and folded your arms.

The boy bit down on his lip and moved his hair out of his face, “I just came to say hi y/n do you have to be so rude ?” He scoffed and raised his eyebrow at Ten, “got a new boy toy ?”

“What Ten and I do is honestly none of your business” you responded coldly, Ten immediately putting two and two together and stifled a laughter before smiling up at Jinyoung,

“Oh you’re the ex boyfriend ? Is this the one who finishes in 10 seconds ?” Tens words caught you off guard causing you to let out a chuckle and Jinyoung to shift uncomfortably in his spot. He tried his best to stay composed but his red ears told a different story.

“That’s probably someone else, you know she’s been around the block” he licked his lips and folded his arms across his chest.

“Anyway do you want something ? We gotta go back to class” you rolled your eyes and rested your head on Tens shoulder.

“Come out with me tonight, you know I always get guestlist to varsity parties” Jinyoung said and Ten waved his hand in front of his face startling Jinyoung, “I have plans with her, so maybe next time” Ten pulled you down the hall before Jinyoung could get in another word. You couldn’t help but turn back and take in his dumbstruck frame as the two of you furthered away from him and headed back to class.

“We have plans ?” You asked as the two of you slipped back into your seats and Ten propped his legs up on the table and leaned back,

“Yeah there’s a party at that guy Wooyoung's place tonight and we’re going” Ten stretched his arms above his head, “wear something sexy so I’m not standing out.”

————————————————————————-

Of Course listening to Tens words and knowing the kind of closet you were working with it wasn’t that hard to not stand out. You opted for a cute little baby blue mini dress that was tight enough to show off your curves and a pair of holographic combat boots. Your favourite part was always getting to match your eye make up to your outfit. Drawing on an intricate design that accentuated your big round eyes almost made you doll-like.

You retrieved your phone and noticed you received a text from Ten, who had already updated an outfit pic on story. A very low buttoned down black shirt and black shiny pants that had a fucking garter around his leg ?

Yeah he was hot and the both of you knew it.

You grabbed the last of your things and made your way downstairs to Ten who was waiting at the dorm house entrance. Unconsciously biting on your lip you were welcomed by his slender figure posted up against the fence with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He looked straight out of a movie.

“God finally….holy shit you look hot!” He whistled and pulled you into a tight hug before pulling you into a kiss and grabbed your waist. The kiss was indeed surprising even though earlier that day he was practically fucking your brains out.

His lips were soft and sweet, laced with a hint of the menthol cigarette from earlier. Ten finally pulled away and he gave your ass a cheeky squeeze before handing you his half burnt cigarette,

“Let’s have a wild fucking night then shall we ?”

Taking the cigarette from him you took a drag and blew the smoke up into the air forgetting about your sobriety and watched it disappear in the night sky, “let’s go.”

The night was cold but quite a few people were all over the residence roads, making their way to various parties or down to the bars where the rowdiness had already begun.

“Shit I really should’ve brought something to pre drink” Ten sighed and pulled out his phone.

“Who are you texting ?” You asked, trying to match his quick footsteps as yall began nearing the busy part of the street.

“Yuta, you know that tattoo guy ? He always has a bottle on him” Ten explained as you followed him into a narrow corner and saw a group of people gathered at the steps of the building. You noticed a few people from your department hanging around but the most noticeable person was in fact Yuta Nakamoto. His long black hair, pierced ears and tatted up body was hard to miss. You got a tattoo from him once and it almost ended with him making out with you on his work desk.

But that was a story both of you agreed to forget.

“Ten and y/n, weird combination but I’m not really surprised, what’s up ?” Yuta grinned and handed Ten the bottle of vodka while pulling you into a quick hug.

“Yeah it’s called matching each other’s energy” Ten winked at you and took a shot of vodka straight out of the bottle before handing it to you. You eyed the clear bottle up and down knowing your kidneys were screaming at you right now but fuck you hated walking into a party without a slight buzz going. You took the bottle and took a shot before wincing at the bitter taste and the fiery sensation that was now running down your throat. “You ready ?” Ten grinned holding out his hand and you placed your hand in his, nodding a thank you to Yuta and his friends before entering the chaotic party.

There were people of all kinds inside. Some from your department, some from God knows where. All you could see were lingering eyes on you and Ten as you stepped inside. Some people made it obvious that they were staring, hoping that maybe you’d strike up a conversation with them. Others just peeked and gossiped amongst their friends as they stared at the outfits that you and Ten adorned.

“What else do you expect from people who sleep around with drug dealers” you and Ten overheard a girl say as the two of you made your way over the kitchen for drinks.

“Drug Dealers ? Geez that’s the first” Ten scoffed and sifted for a cider in the cooler.

“None of that bothers you does it ?” You smiled, intrigued as the cat-eyed boy barely noticed a few people checking him out from behind the counter.

Ten handed you a drink and leaned up against the counter taking a sip of the cold liquid before shrugging,

“Why should I let it bother me ? It’s not like their lives are interesting that I want to fit in with them, I mean their lives revolve around talking shit about me” Ten giggled and took another sip of his drink.

His confidence was extremely attractive and his words resonated with you. It made you wonder if maybe you thought too much about it at times even though you didn’t care to conform to society norms of an average varsity student. Hanging out with Ten for just one day already gave you more life, more energy than anyone prior in your university. Ten wasn’t hesitant to show you that he felt the same way either. To him it was fate that he had sat next to you earlier today because he finally found someone worth keeping his attention.

“There’s something about you y/n I just feel like we get each other” he scratched his head and looked over at you, “it’s so easy just hanging out with you without feeling so fucking drained.”

“I feel the exact same way, like don’t get me wrong I like hanging out with the likes of Yuta and that guy Hendery in our class, but it’s different with you” You grabbed Tens hand and he squeezed your hand tightly,

“Here’s to tolerating only each other.”

You and Ten toasted and downed the last of the cider before heading to the dance floor filled with people who either despised you or wanted to be you.

As the two of you danced it felt like the room was moving in slow motion, the mixture of the smoke filled room to the loud music and alcohol in your system made you feel euphoric. As you danced the night away, you had no idea when you and Ten had separated on the dance floor but a sudden tug on your arm snapped you out of your daydream to face a harsh reality.

Jinyoung.

“Please leave me alone” you groaned as he wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his mouth against your ear,

“Baby I’m sorry when are we going to put all that shit behind us ?” He groaned, slipping his hands to your sides and squeezed gently.

“You cheated on me asshole did you forget ?” You shrugged out of his grip and pushed by the bodies of people trying to make your way to the backyard for fresh air.

The small garden was filled with people having intimate conversations and someone throwing up in a bush at the back. Normal house party shenanigans.

You rolled your eyes when you noticed Jinyoung had followed you out already trying to put his hands on you once again. “Would you stop ? Why don’t you run after the girl you had in your bed when we were together” you spat and headed for a bench.

“You know what, keep resisting, that’s why your ass is sitting here alone” Jinyoung retorted and pushed his way back into the party.

You groaned and sat on the empty seat far away from the party, finally able to hear yourself think and breath in fresh air. You were about to slip back into a calmer state when you felt someone drop in the seat next to you and as your thoughts expected it was Jinyoung, it ended up being a boy you had never seen before.

“Hi, sorry I didn’t mean to startle you” the boy said, his big round eyes sparkled under the night sky. His body was petite like Ten but he was broader in the shoulder department and had the most innocent face you’d ever seen.

“Oh it’s not a problem” you replied, still taking in his striking features. The boy brought a small metal flask to his lips and took a shot before offering the drink to you,

“It’s tequila” he smiled and you mouthed a thank you before shooting back a bit of the drink and handed it back to him.

“I’m y/n….I haven’t seen you around before” you quizzed as the boy set down his flask and ran his fingers through his blonde hair.

“I’m Taeyong, I’m actually new here” he replied and wet his lips with his tongue, “I’ll start in the art and design department on Monday.”

“I’m in that department, well welcome to hell” you grinned and held out your hand. Taeyong grinned and took your hand in his and gave you a firm handshake before scooting closer. As much as you convinced yourself he had the most adorable and innocent face you’d ever seen, there was a hint of mischief in his eyes.

“I just came here to get drunk and get laid but like everyone’s looking at me weird” Taeyong goofily laughed and you joined in, “can’t help you there, I’ve been in that position for a few months now” Taeyongs eyebrows raised at your words and jumped to his feet, holding out his hand for you to take,

“We both have nothing better to do so let’s get wasted.”

You and Taeyong set up a couple shots and downed everything in one go, not bothering about anyone around you or what they had to say. Taeyong was hilarious, his face was animated as he talked which made you laugh, something about him drew you in like a moth to a flame.

The two of you went from casual talk to dancing together and you didn’t mind the closeness, especially when he danced so fucking well against your body. You had no idea when it happened but Taeyong had spun you to face him while the two of you danced and your bodies were practically merged together as Taeyongs lips inched closer and closer until you felt him practically getting dragged away.

“Yo what the fuck man” Taeyong shouted as Jinyoung had a fist full of Taeyongs shirt and escorted him outside. A few people pushed past you to see the commotion before you processed what the hell had just happened.

Making your way through the curious crowd you watched as Taeyong and Jinyoung squared up in the middle of the garden for everyone to see.

“What the hell are you doing with my girl, man ?” Jinyoung shoved Taeyong who stumbled back, the alcohol not helping his balance in any way. You rushed toward them as Taeyong found his footing and pushed Jinyoung right back, he was definitely way stronger than he looked.

“Jinyoung I’m not your girl you moron” you snapped and tried to stand in front of Taeyong before things got any worse.

Jinyoung scoffed and took a step forward, challenging you but you stood your ground even though your head was spinning from the amount of alcohol in your system.

“You’re defending this nobody ? Y/n you’ve really hit rock bottom now haven’t you ?” Jinyoung said, loud enough for every person to hear. This was one of his traits that you hated most.

Gaslighting.

When Jinyoung knew he had lost you it resulted in insults, manipulation, making you feel like you needed him more than he needed you. But it never worked and it drove him insane.

“Hey it’s not her fault she decided to drop the dead weight in her life” Taeyong shrugged and took a step forward, “don’t worry I’ll make sure she gets satisfied in any way she wants.”

Before you could even respond Jinyoung swung at Taeyong, hitting him right in the jaw before two other men stepped in and held him back. You rushed over to check on Taeyong who instead of showing signs of anger or pain, was laughing.

Laughing with a bruise on the side of his jaw, unphased by what had just happened. Jinyoung muttered curses as the guys dragged him away from the garden and the crowds of people finally dispersed, unsatisfied with the lackluster of the fight.

“Are you okay ?” You sighed helping him up and took him to the side of the house where it was more secluded from the public. You shone your phone light to get a better look at his bruise and Taeyong winced at both the sudden light and the throb from the hit.

“I’m fine I’m fine, it’s really okay” he chuckled and leaned against the wall pulling you with until you were inches away from his face.

You had no idea why, especially considering you just saw him get hit in the face, you leaned in to kiss him. Whether it be the alcohol or the adrenaline from the fight you just found Taeyong to be so goddamn hot in this moment. Taeyong moaned into the kiss as he slipped his tongue into your mouth and massaged circles on your lower back. Your lips moved against his slowly and passionately, smirking into the kiss when he bit down on your lip cheekily.

“God there you are”

Your kiss quickly broke when you heard the high tone of Tens voice and he made his way over to you and Taeyong.

“What the hell happened, I heard that idiot Jinyoung was harassing you again and-“ Tens eyes turned to Taeyong against the wall and pointed to him with his index finger, “who the heck is this ?”

“Uh this is Taeyong, he helped me with the Jinyoung issue” you scratched your head and Taeyong half waved at Ten before clutching his jaw.

“Uhm okay” Ten pressed his lips together, “let’s go back to my dorm I’ve had enough of these Neanderthals...Taeyong you can come too.”

————————————————————————-

The three of you finally arrived at Ten’s dorm in silence. You and Taeyong shifted awkwardly in the middle of Ten’s bedroom, not knowing exactly what to do. Looking around you noticed Ten had an eye for interior design. His furniture was quite outlandish for a dorm room yet it was surprisingly homey.

“God please sit or do something you guys are making me uncomfortable” Ten groaned, kicking off his boots and discarding his shirt. Taeyong opted for the office chair near Ten’s desk and you took a seat at the very edge of Ten’s single sleeper while he lay on his back next to you on his phone.

“You guys like sushi ? I'm feeling for sushi” Ten hummed scrolling through a food ordering app completely oblivious to the awkwardness that still sat in the room.

“Sushis good” you nodded,

“Yeah I don't mind either” Taeyong added but winced when he felt the sharp, still very prominent pain in his jaw.

“Ten you got an ice pack or something ?” You sighed, jumping off the bed and rummaged through Ten’s mini fridge. “Yeah right at the back” Ten replied, still trying to place his order for the late night meal. You retrieved the ice pack and knelt down in front of Taeyong who smiled shyly as you placed the ice pack over his swollen jaw. Taeyong silently thanked you for your kindness and applied pressure to his jaw as you decided to take a seat beside his chair, to make him feel a little more comfortable in your friends bedroom.

“Okay” Ten threw his phone aside and sat up to look at the two of you with inquisitive eyes,” yall gonna tell me what happened here ?”

“Well I lost you on the dancefloor and Jinyoung found me” you began, Ten already rolling his eyes at the sound of Jinyoung’s name,

“I went outside and Taeyong approached me, he’s going to be starting at our department on Monday and he didn't know anybody, so I offered my friendship in a form of alcohol and having a good time” you smiled and Ten scoffed.

“Jinyoung saw you guys just drinking and decided to rearrange his face ?” Ten raised his eyebrow, he definitely knew there was more to it considering the two of you were sucking each other's faces off in a dark alley.

“Okay so we were quite close, and honestly does Jinyoung need any other reason ? He wanted to punch you this morning” you groaned.

“Yeah but I was literally fucking you in a bathroom stall with my vibrator y/n”

Taeyong’s eyes widened at Ten’s words and looked between the two of you frantically, “Wait you guys are together, I mean hooking up ? Why did you kiss me ?” he questioned while Ten just laughed it off and turned on his bluetooth speaker.

“Chill, we're not together you can have a little relationship if you want to” Ten smirked, stretching his arms above his head, “honestly if you wanna hook up now I like watching.”

“God shut up, and none of us want a relationship. We just got there to have fun and Jinyoung ruined everything” you groaned, leaning your head back against Taeyong’s leg as he finally returned to tend to his bruise.

“All this aside do you guys mind if I hang out with you ? you’re honestly the only fucking normal people on this campus” Taeyong pouted and you and Ten shared a quick glance before grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay he’s cute I get it” Ten sighed and held out his hand to Taeyong, “I'm Ten, y/n and I only started hanging out this morning, neither of us have close friends on campus and frankly everyone finds us annoying, welcome to the club.”

Taeyong smiled cutely and shook Ten’s hand, setting down his ice pack and got to his feet, “Well i'm Taeyong, I too don't give a shit what people have to say about me, I like doing whatever I want with whomever I want and I'm pretty sure after tonight people aren't gonna like me either, so I guess i'm in.”

Before you could even say your part to this little club initiation your phone began to blow up with message alerts and story updates from practically everyone on campus tagging you in a specific video.

“What the hell is going on ?” you frowned as you opened instagram and noticed that the account that everyone was tagging you in was a burner account with a few videos and two pictures. Ten and Taeyong stood on either side of you as you opened up the first video and noticed that it was taken in the hallway earlier that day with you and Ten linking arms. The second video was at the party, you and Ten dancing with each other and the video cutting to you and Taeyong dancing together. The last video on the account was a blurry video of you and Taeyong making out and Ten walking in, with the ending obviously being the three of you leaving together.

“Why is this account posting videos of us ?” Taeyong asked, noticing that he too was tagged by people who he didn't know at all. Ten pulled up the account on his own phone when the account refreshed and a new post appeared, this time it was text only.

“It's probably Jinyoung I’ll just call him and-” You were cut off by Ten grabbing your phone and tossing it on his bed, “dude what the hell ?” you protested but Ten silenced you with his finger.

“This is garbage right ? like what do our lives and how we live it got anything to do with any of these assholes ?” Ten bit down on his lip and looked between you and Taeyong, “They are so obsessed with us, wondering if the three of us are fucking right now ? really ? well let's give it to them.”

“You want the three of us to fuck ?” Taeyong quirked his eyebrow, his large eyes still hazy from the party.

“I want them to believe we are!” Ten grabbed Taeyong by his shoulders and looked back at you, “any publicity is good publicity. We get to be ourselves and we get to piss people off for free.”

“Would be pretty funny to see all of this blow up in Jinyoung's face honestly” you agreed, and Ten’s face lit up before moving his attention back to Taeyong, “What do you say pretty boy ?” Taeyong scratched his head and shrugged, “All this pretending and I don't get any action here ? doesn't feel like a win at all” You tried to hold in your laughter as Ten groaned at the blonde boy’s words and held his face between his hands before pulling him into a kiss, you watched Taeyong’s tense shoulders finally drop as he leaned more into the kiss and wrapped his hands lightly around Ten’s waist.

Ten pulled away and swiped Taeyong’s lips with his thumb, smiling at the doe-eyed boy, “we will have to make it convincing right ?”

“Okay im in” Taeyong smiled brightly and the three of you held hands in the middle of the bedroom, sharing mischievous glances with each other, anticipating the fucking whirlwind of chaos that was about to hit the campus.

“Good, well I guess the only thing left to do is upload our first post of the official poly club” Ten smirked and pulled the both of you onto his bed. Ten sat in between you and Taeyong and turned on the video mode of instagram stories. First he showed his face then turned to you, pulling you into a soft sensual kiss before moving to Taeyong next to him and did the same. After breaking the kiss with Taeyong, Ten nudged you to move over to the other side of him, putting you right onto Taeyongs lap. Ten focused on the two of you as you lifted Taeyong’s chin with your index finger and bit down on his lip, slightly pulling, teasing him as he brought his hand up to wrap around your neck. Ten zoomed in as you and Taeyong shared a very scandalous kiss for everyone to see. Your tongues darting in each other's mouth while the music drowned out your subtle moans.

“Done!” Ten chirped and uploaded his story, making sure to tag the burner account in every single clip. There was no going back now and every moment of this escapade excited you. The comfort you felt around Ten and Taeyong was something that you’d been craving for a long time. As cheesy as it was to say, and especially since it was only Day One, they felt like your soulmates.

“Man I fucking love this campus” Taeyong threw his head back and groaned while you and Ten burst out laughing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday quickly approached and as soon as you and Ten stepped on campus all eyes were on you. It gave you an incredible sense of confidence and you had no idea why. Heads turned with every step, everyone was whispering as the two of you walked hand in hand through the hallway keeping your head up high and not giving a shit about anyone. Taeyong was waiting for you guys at the end of the hall, adorning a buttoned down printed shirt and ripped jeans that snatched his waist in the right way. Taeyong was leaning against the wall with a lollipop in his mouth and dark sunglasses while everyone who passed him did a double take.

“Hey babes” he smirked and placed a kiss on your cheek and Tens before joining your walk towards your first class for the day.

It was so surreal going from everyone ignoring your existence to every single person watching the three of you, anticipating what was going to happen next. You found your seats in the middle of the lecture, giving everyone the best possible view of course. The professor cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and Ten tried to stifle a laughter as the people who stated they didn't give a shit about you guys clearly paid a lot of attention now.

“Give them a show bestie” Ten whispered in your ear before gesturing to Taeyong who sat on the other side of you, slumped down in his seat with his legs spread apart deliciously. You nodded and slowly reached over to Taeyong, caressing his thigh and he bit down on his lip while keeping his eyes on the lecture slides in front of him. You noticed two guys shuffling behind you and one pulled out his phone, waiting to record the next escapade of the campus’s new favourite stars.

You danced your fingers up Taeyong’s thigh and inched closer to rest your hand on his crotch as his breathing hitched. Leaning forward you made your movements less suspicious to the professor and everyone around you except the camera that was now focusing on your actions. Taeyong sunk further in the chair awaiting for you to quit teasing him and touch him where he needed you most. You obliged to his needs and palmed him through his jeans and you heard the guy behind you curse under his breath as you began rubbing Taeyong’s member. It felt so fucking powerful to do whatever you wanted after being so cautious on this campus for so long. The ironic part was all that shit about you being notorious on campus was a fucking lie. No you weren't a saint but you were not sleeping around every other day since you hated about 90% of the people that attended the university. Now with that burner account claiming to know more about your sex life than you did, what was holding you back now from doing what you wanted ?

Taeyong undid the button on his jeans and pulled down his zip enough for you to slip your hands inside his pants with ease. A gasp from Ten made a shiver run down your spine, coming to your senses that you were giving Taeyong a handjob in the middle of a 10am lecture.

“Shit he's walking up” you chuckled and pulled your hand out of Taeyong’s pants and quickly pretended to be involved in your studies as the professor began walking around the room. Taeyong groaned loud enough for most of the front row to turn around and look at him in annoyance.

“Is something wrong Mr Lee ?” The professor raised his eyebrow as Taeyong quickly redid his pants and hid his prominent boner from his professor.

“One of the questions is a little….hard” Taeyong groaned while you and Ten covered your mouths trying to hide your laughter.

The professor shook his head and went on his way as you and Ten watched Taeyong struggle with his boner for the next thirty minutes of the class. Finally the lecture wrapped up and as soon as the three of you made your way to the hallway you felt Taeyong tug on your arm and began leading you into the girls bathroom, into the nearest stall. A few girls in the bathroom frowned at Ten sauntering into the bathroom straight after, setting down his bag on the counter and began fiddling with his hair.

“Uh this is the girls bathroom ?” a girl snapped, folding her arms and made eye contact with Ten through the mirror.

“So what ? I saw a vag before love, and just because i'm a guy doesn't mean I want yours” Ten shrugged and the girl cursed and stormed out of the bathroom. Meanwhile your mouth was practically merged with Taeyong’s as he pressed his still very hard member against your stomach and nibbled on your bottom lip.

“Was giving me blue balls for thirty minutes worth all of that ?” Taeyong growled as he grabbed your ass roughly, causing you to moan in his mouth. “I'm sorry baby let me make it up to you” you purred and dropped to your knees while Taeyong braced himself against the ceramic wall for what’s to come.

You undid Taeyongs jeans and pulled it down along with his boxers, allowing his member to spring free still hard as ever. You looked up at him, eyes big as you began stroking him slowly before spitting on his tip in order to lubricate him.

“Fucking hell” Taeyong yelled.

A girl on the outside jumped at his words and looked back at the stall then looked at Ten, who was just waiting on the two of you.

“Exam season huh ?” Ten pressed his lips together as the awkward girl quickly dried her hands and rushed out of the bathroom as soon as possible.

You began bobbing your head on Taeyongs member, fully taking him until he reached the back of your throat causing you to gag. Taeyong marveled at the way your plump lips wrapped around his tip, he couldn't help but grab your hair and slowly pull you off him just to take in the sight of your messed up lipstick. You gave him a cheeky smirk before locking your hands behind your back and giving him full control of his movements. Taeyong took full control, his dark eyes narrowed and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth before thrusting inside of you at a rapid pace. You felt your throat burn at the way he fucked your mouth rapidly but it turned you on so much that you waited until he finally came inside your mouth and you swallowed every bit of him. Taeyong pulled you to your feet and kissed you passionately, his tongue tasting remnants of himself.

“Thanks baby” Taeyong cooed in your ear before exiting the stall, stuffing himself back into his pants while a few girls looked at him absolutely horrified. You followed him, neatening your hair and washing off your mouth and borrowed a lip balm from Ten.

“Had fun you two ?” Ten smirked, leaning against the sink as you and Taeyong made yourself a little more presentable before making your way out of the bathroom. Upon exiting the three of you noticed the two guys who were filming in the lecture room quickly run after you.

“Don't we get the ending to what went down in the lecture room ?” the one boy snickered like an immature school child as his friend kept the camera on the three of you making your way out of the art department block,

“She swallowed, the end” Taeyong threw his arms around both you and Ten leaving both boys dumbstruck at his words.

You playfully nudged Taeyong who just shot you a cheeky smile as you made your way to a little bench under a willow tree. This was where you usually sat on your own, when you didn't have the energy to socialize with the rest of the art students. Now, it felt a little more complete with Ten and Taeyong accompanying you.

“So my lovelies there's this afterparty happening after the final football game of the season next month” Ten said twirling his ice coffee in his hand as he took in the afternoon sun.

“What do you have in mind ?” you crinkled your nose as you sifted through your unappetizing salad in a box.

“Okay so you guys heard of Onlyfans right ?” Ten looked between you and Taeyong.

“That site that pays for nudes and shit ?” Taeyong quizzed and Ten nodded brightly and leaned in, “I was thinking let's capitalize a bit of this leading up to the party” Ten responded and pulled up an invitation on his phone,

“The afterparty is being held at Jinyoung’s frat house, him and his idiotic friends are making people pay in order to decorate their football recreational room or some stupid shit like that.”

You took a closer look at the invite and rolled your eyes at the ridiculous pricing, as if their parties were worth going to anyway. Jinyoung was incredibly full of himself and he knew a lot of people worshipped him on campus thanks to his parents being higher ups and the poster boy for the football team. Going for his pride, knocking him where it hurts would be fucking bliss.

“We open an onlyfans, nothing too scandalous but it's gonna get people interested enough to pay forward and we use that cash to host our own party on the same night, free entrance of course” Ten continued and already started setting up the OnlyFans account.

“We should make the party crazy as hell too so nobody would resist coming over” Taeyong added and began going through his contacts, “there's this guy called Seungyoun, he’s a fourth year and knows that DJ from that enigma club from downtown.”

“That's perfect, and we will get Yuta and his tattooist buddies to do temporary sets for us, also my friend Chaeyoung in fashion can help with decor” Ten squealed, already messaging whoever he can.

“My friend Hendery has...uh happy pills if you're interested” you mentioned, knowing that everyone knew Hendery on campus for selling shit, not strong stuff but able to keep you going for a good amount of time.

“Yes! Anything to create hype and watch those preppy idiots sit in an empty house come game night” Ten replied and showed off the OnlyFans page he attached to his instagram account.

“Okay, so what now ?” Taeyong’s large eyes looked between the two of you.

“Now” Ten threw his phone in his bag and got to his feet, “we go back to my dorm and take some naughty pics.”

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“I don't think my ass looks good in that” you whined as you got off Taeyong’s lap and took a look at Ten’s camera viewfinder. Taeyong grumbled, sitting in nothing but leather pants on Ten’s office chair, “your ass looks great trust me” he smirked and reached to pull you back onto his lap.

“Come on, just a few more then you can take pics of Taeyong and I” Ten pointed his ring light where Taeyong had a grip on your ass that adorned very pretty pink lingerie. After a few more angles and more compromising positions, Ten finally got what he needed and handed you the camera,

“Make us look cute” He winked and pulled Taeyong to his feet.

“What are we gonna-” Taeyong’s words were cut off by Ten shoving his hand down his pants, “okaaaay” Taeyong pressed his lips together as you began snapping pics of the two of them.

They were so beautiful to you. Every picture you snapped looked better than the last and they needed no direction at all, just enveloped each other with their ridiculous sexual energy, filling the room with their pheromones.

“Done, you guys look sexy as fuck” you purred earning a kiss from Taeyong who was obviously horny from the entire ordeal, but when the fuck was his dick not hard.

You felt yourself being tugged away and Taeyong whined when Ten handed the camera to him and pushed you down to lie on his bed. You felt a shiver run down your spine when Ten positioned himself between your legs and moved his body down until his face was level with your core.

“Taeyong, stand above y/n and shoot down from this angle” Ten instructed to which Taeyong obeyed and his shadow casted over you.

Ten leaned in and kissed you softly on your mound as the room echoed with the camera shutters and your deep breaths. You desperately wanted to run your fingers through his hair but you’d only ruin a perfect shot. It was agonizing but you had to stay still while Ten had his way with you.

Ten moved the piece of fabric to the side and peppered kisses all along your inner thigh and around your core. You were unable to see his face thanks to Taeyong hovering over you but you pictured that smug smile spread across his face as you restrained yourself. You sucked in another deep breath when you felt his tongue dart out and take a slow lick before placing his mouth on your mound and ate you out like an expert.

“Fucking hell” you sighed as you felt his tongue inside you, exploring every part imaginable. You could tell the scene was getting to Taeyong too, as he stood there one hand on the camera and the other hand on his hardened member, watching Ten eat you out.

“Did you get the shots ?” Ten suddenly said, pulling away from your core as you squirmed out of protest.

“Uh..yeah I did,” Taeyong muttered, still staring down at your legs spread wide apart and his member practically screaming through his restricted pants.

“I hope you're not planning to wrap this shit up right now Ten” you groaned, reaching your hand down to your core in order to finish what he had left off.

Ten snickered and slapped your hand away, “of course my lovelies, I never quit a job halfway.” Ten gestured for Taeyong to stand next to the bed while he inserted a finger in you, causing you to moan his name out loud. As you got accustomed to his finger you managed to sit up a little and watched as Ten rubbed Taeyong’s boner through his pants. God you had never been in a situation like this before. How the hell did you get so lucky, meeting two men willing to fuck you and each other.

Ten entered another finger inside you as Taeyong undid his pants and Ten’s mouth was pressed against Taeyong’s member while pumping his length. Taeyong’s eyes were on your figure as he moaned when Ten took him fully in and his fingers were now destroying your core.

“God im so close” Taeyong whined and Ten slowly took his length out of his mouth and looked up at him and then down at you,

“I think you should cum on y/n, she wants it” Ten licked his lips and looked at you with hooded eyes.

“Y-yeah Taeyong….just do it” you squirmed as Ten’s fingers slowed down, holding you back from your orgasm.

Taeyong uttered a few curses and Ten quickly returned to pumping his member until he was at his breaking point. Ten removed his hand from Taeyong and gave you his full attention, attaching both his mouth and three of his fingers inside of your core. Taeyong stood over you with dark eyes as you reached out to run your hand down his exposed thigh.

Taeyong grunted as he released, you felt the warm liquid all over your stomach and breasts while Ten was still recklessly fingering you until you had one of the craziest orgasms of your life. You couldn't process when Taeyong had pressed his lips to yours and Ten had left to get tissues for the mess the three of you made.

“That was some content our viewers missed out on” Taeyong sighed, still trying to catch his breath. You chuckled and went over to the bathroom to quickly shower off the mess and returned in Ten’s oversized shirt, taking a seat between the two of them in bed.

“Okay I uploaded a few previews and linked the onlyfans subscription link” Ten announced as he uploaded three of the explicit versions on the paid side of Onlyfans, “we will get a notification when someone has subscribed and our earnings are on this page.”

The three of you sat, mouths dropped open as you watched subscription after subscription start to fill the page. The comments were flooding in too, and someone even left a hefty tip in a matter of minutes. Ten switched to the earnings page and the account was already sitting at a triple digit.

“What the actual fuck” you gasped as more people began visiting the page and your followings on instagram began skyrocketing.

“This was way easier than I thought it was” Taeyong marveled, also noticing many people start dming him on instagram.

“Well Jinyoung and his goons wanted a party, well here’s the party of the fucking century” Ten smirked and hi5ed the both of you as absolute chaos ensued all over social media in real time.

Just like that in the next couple of days the three of you were watched by the entire campus. It was like Jinyoung wanted. To show the campus that you were notorious, and nobody should get involved with any of you. But that's where his plan was flawed.

Every single person on the campus besides his legion of preppy followers were obsessed with the three of you and craved more. Despite the onlyfans pictures containing no nudity, people still subscribed, they still tipped, they would do anything to see more.

It was in the middle of the afternoon and Ten had confirmed the account had garnered enough money for the party. It had been about three weeks since the very first post on the onlyfans account and now the account stood at a staggering 850 subscribers, each paying for the monthly subscribed content plus tipping generously from time to time. In the midst of all of this the three of you were also preparing for the party that was going to be held on the big day. Taeil, a friend of Taeyong's, allowed you to use his frat house for the event since it would look good for student rentals later on. Yuta and his friends prepared alcohol and a temporary tattoo station to appease drunk girls to get matching tattoos and frat boys to bet their friends to tattoo a dick on their faces. Chaeyoung, Ten’s friend from fashion completely transformed the house into an instagrammable masterpiece, channeling one of those fancy hollywood parties that nobody could ever get into. Seungyoun, the fourth year who was friends with a lot of musicians and DJs from downtown spread the word on campus radio, letting everyone know about Ten’s huge announcement that was about to happen Tuesday afternoon, 2:30PM.

“Alright you thirsty hoes, I see you all made it” Ten said into a karaoke microphone he found from God knows where. Ten got up on the table in the courtyard, standing in front of a huge crowd of students who quickly gathered ready for the grand announcement that was the talk of the town for the last week now.

“We would just like to say that we're so grateful for all your support on our….craft and in order to honor that, were going to host the best party of the fucking semester” Ten shouted while people cheered from the front all the way to the back of the crowd.

“If you look at the link under Ten’s instagram bio, it should take you to a little preview of what’s in store come saturday” Taeyong explained, leaning into the mic while the crowd murmured in confusion.

“Saturday after the big game ? Isn't Jinyoung having a party that night ?” someone in the crowd said followed by more confused chatter.

“That's right, I am having a party after the game” Jinyoung said, moving through the crowd accompanied by two of his frat members and sneered at the sight of the three of you,

“What ? Are you guys planning an orgy or something for your onlyfans ?”

“If you want to suck my dick all you gotta do is ask Jinyoung” Taeyong mused and a few people giggled while Jinyoung shifted uncomfortably and gritted his teeth.

“Listen, you freaks are not having a party on the same night as me” Jinyoung spat and took a step forward, “save yourself the embarrassment of nobody showing up and cancel it.”

You approached him slowly, chuckling darkly as he watched your fingers dance up his arm and up to his jaw, caressing his cheek, “Sweety are you threatened ? You're afraid everybody is gonna ditch your little frat party and come to mine ?”

Jinyoung tried keeping his cool while you stared up at him, playing with him like a little toy in front of everyone to see.

“Are you afraid if people come over i'm going to hook up with everyone who gives me attention ?” Jinyoung avoided your eyes when you recited the words he wrote about you on that burner account. You smirked up at him when you noticed how he still wasn't man enough to own up to his actions.

“Well, our party is FREE by the way” you continued, stepping away and now addressed the crowd in front of you, “So if you’d rather go over to Jinyoungs then go ahead, but if you wanna come play with us…”

You walked up to Taeyong and gave him a sloppy kiss as he grabbed your ass in front of the entire campus to see, “we will see you Saturday night.” The crowd cheered and Jinyoung growled, taking one more glare at you before storming off with his frat boys away from the cheering crowds.

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It was D day and everyone who helped with the party gathered in the kitchen, drink in hand and took a final glance back at the rager that was mere minutes away from opening up.

“I can't thank you all enough, actually I did, with all that onlyfans money” Ten stuck his tongue out and Seungyoun whistled while everyone clapped.

“No but seriously, thank you guys….revenge never felt sweeter” you smiled and Hendery put his arm around you as you leaned into him, “if nobody shows up well more for us!”

“Cheers, freaks¨" Taeyong yelled and Ten nudging him in his abdomen,

“Really ? I'm pretty sure Jinyoung’s little nickname for us isn't a compliment” Ten rolled his eyes playfully.

“Its a compliment to us, fuck it im a freak and proud of it” Yuta raised his glass, and a few others joined in.

“Fine Freaks club it is, cheers everyone!” Ten raised his glass and everyone clinked glasses before downing their respectful drinks.

It wasn't long before people began pouring in, it wasn't a large number but it was still something. Most people were from the music and arts departments, and you noticed a few girls from your business lecture drop by as well.

“You think the rest all went to Jinyoung ?” You bit down on your lip as you and Ten monitored the crowds of people while having a drink.

“Maybe ? doesn't matter though, our party is way cooler” Ten shrugged and threw back his drink, “but if you really want me to pull one last move hey just say the word.”

You looked over at the black haired boy and frowned while a cheeky smile spread across his face and he pulled out his phone. You watched him text a few paragraphs and slip his phone in his back pocket before returning to his drink.

About 20 minutes later Taeyong emerged from the crowd to join the two of you in the kitchen, a confused look spread across his face.

“What's wrong ?” you quizzed him.

“Some of those basketball guys are here, they brought over like fifty more people” Taeyong pointed to the entrance and you and Ten watched the guys who the campus worshipped next to the football team enter the party, followed by their fangirls and whoever else wished to be in their presence.

“What the heck did you do ?” your eyes widened as the small party now turned into a whole fucking campus rager.

“Oh I told Johnny Suh that I'd give him a lap dance in front of everyone if he came over with his friends” Ten smiled, waving at the tall brown haired boy with a goofy grin spread across his face.

“Johnny Suh ?! as in the captain of the varsity basketball team ?” you were still confused as to how and when Ten had started talking to one of the most popular guys on campus.

“Yes him, now if you would excuse me, I have a deal to seal” you and Taeyong watched Ten down his drink and make his way over to the lounge where Johnny stood excitedly.

Ten spoke to the DJ and the DJ had the crowd clear up the center of the room while everyone exchanged confused glances as to what the hell was about to go down. Ten placed a chair in the middle of the room and pushed Johnny’s large frame down until he was seated, legs apart and that goofy smile never leaving his face. His teammates whistled as Ten used a piece of cloth to cover Johnny’s eyes, and took off his belt in order to retrain his hands behind his back.

“I gotta give it to Ten, he sure knows how to put on a show” Taeyong wrapped his arm around your waist as the two of you watched Ten fuck around with the captain of the basketball team.

The room was filled with flashing lights, everyone recording the moment as Ten gave Johnny the lap dance he was promised. Johnny slumped in the chair allowing Ten to grind into his hips, and you're pretty sure if the music wasn't so goddamn loud the whole campus would've heard Johnny moan in Ten’s touch. Ten ended it off with a cheeky kiss and untied Johnny, whose face was absolutely red as all of his friends cheered them on, all of them attacking him with hi5s.

That definitely sealed the deal, because after a few uploads of the clip, almost everyone was at your party and Jinyoung’s was most likely empty right now. The party was so big that people were on the street, everybody having the time of their life.

“We did it” Ten threw his arms around you and Taeyong as you stood on the balcony, overlooking the party from above.

“Yeah, we really did” you chuckled and sighed deeply, “I wish I could look at Jinyoung’s face right now.”

“Oh you didn't see ?”

You and Ten turned to Taeyong as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his gallery. You and Ten burst out laughing when a video of Jinyoung sitting in his empty estate with a few of his preppy friends looking absolutely miserable.

“Fuck thats brilliant” you leaned your head on Ten’s shoulder, completely satisfied with how the night turned out.

“Hey you guys wanna go back to my dorm ? I'm kinda over this” Ten yawned and placed a peck on your forehead.

“You wanna leave your own party ?” Taeyong scoffed, shoving his hands in his pocket.

“This” Ten gestured to the three of you, “This is my party, let's take it back to my room.”

You and Taeyong both obliged and without anyone knowing the three of you escaped the party and made your way over to Ten’s dorm room hand in hand. Upon entering Ten threw off his shirt and kicked off his boots and Taeyong did the same, the two boys grabbing alcohol from the mini fridge and set them up on Tens desk.

“Oh by the way I have something” your words had both the boys turn to face you and you held out your hand, holding three small blue pills,

“Hendery gave them to me, Its not that strong and the high will only last for an hour or two but fuck its good way to end the night off right ?”

“I'm in” Taeyong grabbed the pill and handed you a drink, the three of you washed the pill with beer and Ten switched on a playlist before joining you and Taeyong on his bed.

“I know we've only known each other for like 2-3 months now but I fucking love you guys” you sighed, running your hands through your hair and looked between the two boys.

“This group, us, was the best thing that ever happened to me” Taeyong replied, “you two whores mean the world to me.” “Very sentimental Taeyong” Ten chuckled before reaching out to caress your cheek, “I love you too babe, both of you, were soulmates, if like the devil decided to link people together or something.”

The three of you chuckled and the laughter quickly switched to Taeyong rubbing Ten’s thigh and looked over at you with dark eyes. You had no idea if it was the drug, or the alcohol but there was a desperation within you. Grabbing Taeyong’s face, you pulled him into a sloppy kiss, and quickly switched to Ten, giving him the same energy as Taeyong pushed your shirt over your head and sucked on your exposed skin.

Ten unclasped your bra and massaged your breast as Taeyong kissed the other, each boy stimulating you in the best way possible. Taeyong growled and tossed you onto your back, pulling your skirt off and began sharing a passionate kiss with Ten who was already down to his boxers.

Once Taeyong pulled away from Ten he moved on top of you, grabbing you by your throat and rubbed his hips against your core, the friction sending you into a frenzy. Your thoughts were so focused on Taeyong you had no idea when Ten had got on his knees beside you and began kneading your breasts and rubbing his length with his free hand.

“Who do you wanna fuck first ?” Taeyong growled in your ear that made you so wet you had no fucking clue who you wanted, you just needed someone inside of you at this moment.

“I think it's fair if I go first, I've waited long enough” Ten smirked and switched positions with Taeyong who jumped off the bed to get rid of his pants.

You watched Ten’s dark eyes take in your body, and his beautiful body looked so fucking alluring under the dim lighting of his bedroom. Ten rid you of your soaked panties and wasted no time in inserting two fingers in your wetness.

“Baby girl has been waiting for this for a while huh” Ten purred while Taeyong grabbed your jaw, pulling you into a kiss before making you sit up enough for his member to meet your lips. Just as you took Taeyong in your mouth Ten had already replaced his fingers with his member and began thrusting into you at a rapid pace.

“Oh fuck” you groaned as Taeyong guided your movements on his member with a fistful of your hair. All three of you were so in tune with each other, rough when needed to be and delicate straight after.

As Ten fucked you he leaned forward enough for Taeyong to bend down and meet his lips, the two of them sharing a dirty kiss while they fucked you senseless. Ten pulled away from Taeyong and rammed into you until you came all over his member. “Come on open wide” He mewled and pulled you up and shoved his length in your mouth until he came, making you swallow every bit of him.

“Get on top of me” Taeyong demanded and you did as he said, climbing on top of him and sitting on his length. Taeyong let out a groan, finally feeling you around his length and you felt Ten sit behind you, his hands cupping your breasts as you bounced on Taeyongs member.

“You think you can take both of us ?” Ten whispered in your ear and his request somehow made you wetter than you already were. You had only tried it once, but never in a situation like this. You quickly nodded and Ten caressed your body, leaving sweet kisses all over shoulder and neck before jumping off the bed to rummage in his closet.

Taeyong, not knowing or caring what was going on, carried on slamming himself inside of you, his nails digging into your ass as you rode him like a pro.

Ten returned with what you assumed to be a bottle of lube and bent you over slightly, making sure his touches were careful and delicate. Taeyong finally caught on and slowed his pace despite almost being at his orgasm, in order to make the process easier for you.

“If it's too much just let me know” Ten pecked your cheek and inserted a finger inside your ass, the new sensation was odd but extremely satisfying. Ten continued lubing you up while Taeyong stroked your thighs and made sure your body was relaxed in their care.

“I'm ready, just do it, I want to feel both of you already” you whined and both boys cursed at your words, each anticipating this new experience.

Ten inserted himself and gave you a moment to adjust to him and Taeyong, before slowly moving his hips, keeping his touches light.

“Oh God that feels so good” you moaned as Taeyong picked up his pace and the both of them began fucking you at the same time, something you always wished would happen eventually. Ten returned to his roughness and bent you a little more, allowing Taeyong to lean up and capture your lips, his tongue entangling with yours as the new position only got him back to chasing his raging orgasm.

“Fuck im gonna cum” Taeyong groaned, slightly mad that he couldnt hold onto this feeling any longer.

“You wanna cum inside her mouth ?” Ten asked in between his grunts as he felt himself also reaching his second orgasm.

“No I wanna cum in yours” Taeyong replied darkly, and Ten’s thrusts stopped abruptly to look down at Taeyong.

“Well...fuck okay” Ten finally said and pulled out of you, allowing Taeyong to move to the side of the bed while Ten flipped you on your back and inserted himself in your core. Taeyong stood on the bed for Ten to get better access to his length as you screamed Ten’s name who was quite literally destroying your core at this point.

Taeyong yanked on Ten’s hair causing him to slow his thrusts and you watched the delicious sight of Taeyong slipping his length into Ten’s mouth and Ten swallowing every bit of him. It was quite possibly the hottest thing you'd seen in your life. Ten wiped his mouth as Taeyong slowly pulled out of him with a groan he returned to slamming his hips into yours. “I'm so close Ten” you groaned as Ten crouched over you, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he brought both of you to your climax and let out a huge sigh when he finally came undone with you following shortly after.

“How much money do you think we would've made on onlyfans for that ?” Ten breathed as he collapsed in the bed next to you and Taeyong crawled on your naked body, resting his head on your chest as the three of you tried to catch your breath.

“Probably enough to drop out” Taeyong hummed, his eyes drooping as he made himself a little more comfortable.

“Yeah but hey it's time to end the notorious onlyfans account now don't you think ?” your eyes shifted to Ten who nodded at your words and got up and grabbed his phone from his desk,

“Tae-Ten-Y/N onlyfans era has now come to an end, thank you everyone who tuned in” Ten said, falling back into bed and showing the account that was now deactivated.

“Kinda surprised you are willing to end the onlyfans era Ten, this doesn't have anything to do with Johnny Suh now does it ?” Taeyong raised his eyebrow and you also joined in, looking at the black haired boy with curious eyes.

“Maybe,” Ten sighed, rolling his eyes as you and Taeyong mimicked kissing sounds, “Ugh anyway, they have a game next week, I want you guys to come with.”

“Fine, i’ll ask Johnny how it felt to taste my c-”

“Shut up Taeyong.”

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ONE WEEK LATER

“I have no idea what the hell is going on but Johnny is so hot” Ten sighed as the three of you sat in the bleachers of a varsity basketball game.

“Athletes are not my type these days” you shrugged taking a bite of your corn dog, watching Taeyong play some game on his phone.

“Oh shit they're almost there” Ten pulled you to your feet as the crowd all stood up around you cheering on the varsity team as the time began running out. You watched Johnny run across the court and throw the ball to a boy with chestnut coloured hair, and upon receiving the ball, the boy threw the ball straight into the hoop at the last second, taking his team to victory.

“Fuck….who is he ?” you gulped, as his teammates carried him on their shoulders and his lips curled into a tight grin, showing off a beautiful set of dimples. “That my dear friend” Ten patted your shoulder, “That's Jung Jaehyun.”

#nct smut #wayv smut #nct scenarios #wayv scenarios #taeyong smut #ten smut #taeten smut #taeten #jaehyun freaks au #freaks au #nct x reader #taeyong x reader #ten x reader #nct au #wayv au #nct fanfic

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sambvcks · 3 years

Text

crawl home to her, b.b. x reader

chapter one // body’s working on empty

summary: bucky isn’t as receptive to this new life of his as everyone had hoped. he’s cold, sharp-tongued, and closed off. except to the tenant across the hallway from him, who always wears pajamas and bakes a dozen too many of his favorite cookies

warnings: food, nothing too bad this chapter!

word count: 1.5k-ish

author’s note: i thought my marvel phase ended five years ago...here we are again. i haven’t written in awhile so please be kind! title and chapter titles taken from hozier’s ‘work song’.

[ read on ao3 | series masterlist | inbox | join my taglist! ]

[ NEXT ]

Five minutes into their first session, Bucky decided he was going to make Dr. Raynor’s job as difficult as he possibly could.

It wouldn’t be an impossible task, seeing how this whole ordeal depended on him opening up and talking, two things that he had abandoned decades ago. Her unwavering stare was nothing more than a challenge, these fifty-minute sessions once a week were nothing more than a slight inconvenience to his lackluster day to day routine. He would play along, do whatever exercises she asked, and feign stability until he never had to see her again.

“Since this is our first session together, we’ll take it easy.” She promised with a forced upturn of her lips before whipping out her notebook.

Suddenly, it felt like he was encased in bulletproof glass in Berlin again. He remembered that the last time he had been forced into receiving psychiatric help, it hadn’t exactly gone to plan. His chin fell to his chest, hands wringing together as he thought of any excuse to request a different doctor.

“Let’s begin.”

It was already getting too hot to wear leather gloves and his heavy jacket. New York’s heatwave was supposed to be the highest on record this year and while kids popped open fire hydrants in the street, Bucky would be settled on the hardwood floor in the back corner of his apartment, waiting.

Waiting for what, he wasn’t quite sure.

It was a fairly nice apartment, newly renovated and practically barren. Government issued and funded, of course, and he had spent the first night pulling the furniture from the walls to the center of the room in search of bugs and cameras. He found thirty-four, destroyed them under a rolling pin, and they hadn’t come to replace them. Message received.

The one thing he really liked about the apartment building were his neighbors. The price tag for a one bedroom was substantial to say the least and only older couples could really afford it. No children, no dogs, no outsiders. The only break from his undisturbed routine would be occasionally helping Mrs. Johnson down the hall carry her groceries as she struggled to get the door unlocked with her brittle hands.

They affectionately called him James and the older women were quick to get a hold of his arms, saying things like “They don’t make them like you anymore, James!”. He swallowed the bile prickling at the back of his throat as he nodded, and they moved on to telling him about their single granddaughters.

It was almost nice, his routine. Almost.

Outside of those small encounters, he spent most of his waking hours jogging in the park and cooking the same three meals. He had his appointment every Wednesday with Dr. Raynor, but that was it. He’d take two trains back to his apartment and wouldn’t emerge again until he needed groceries two days later.

It was when he was returning from one of his biweekly grocery trips, a paper bag settled on his hips, that he spotted you outside his door.

He stilled in the hallway, taking a quick step back to peek around the corner without being spotted. His breath stalled, his ears picking up your soft humming and the crinkle of plastic as you set a bundle of cookies at his doorstep, the only one without a mat. His eyes flicked to the other doors, where identical bags of cookies sat propped up, tied with blood red ribbons.

His shoulders relaxed. No threat.

The bottom of his grocery bag suddenly gave way, fruit rolling in every direction. Bucky fell to his knees, glove clad hands snatching up everything he could reach as quickly as he could manage. You were faster, though, and scooped up a plum that had rolled your way, offering it over as he tried to balance the rest of his groceries in his arms.

“Thanks.” He was quick to sweep past you, hand digging in his pockets for his key.

“James, right? Ms. Robinson downstairs is like, in love with you.”

“Yeah, but, uh-“ Dr. Raynor’s instructions from their last session rang in his head, as much as he tried to tune her out: make connections. “You can call me Bucky.” He cleared his throat. “And Mrs. Robinson is far too good for me.”

“Bucky it is then.” You trailed him down the hallway, “Y/N.”

Bucky tried to sneak a glance at you from the corner of his eyes, which was harder to inconspicuously do now that he had gotten a haircut and couldn’t hide his wandering eyes behind long tresses. Young was Bucky’s first thought. much younger than the other renters in the building. Bright was next, followed by much too smiley for a Tuesday morning.

Pretty, he admitted as he turned his back to unlock his door. Maybe in another life he would have lingered in the hall, his so-called effortless charm seeping through as you swooned at the very thought of a date with James Buchanan Barnes. But that life was long gone, and instead he rushed to retreat.

“Oh, don’t forget these.” You swooped down to collect the bundle of cookies you had left at his door, handing them to the hand that wasn’t delicately balancing the pile of groceries he still held against his impossibly broad shoulders. “Oatmeal raisin, super-secret family recipe.”

He was back in the doorway of his ma’s kitchen, watching his little sister balance on a wobbling stool as she struggled to crack and egg with her little fingers. He can so distinctly see the pale green of the cabinets, remember the fight his parents had when she begged for that shade of green while his dad had wanted white. Of course, she won.

“These are your brother’s favorite.” His ma whispered to his sister; her flour covered hands reaching for the age faded index card with their grandmother’s script detailing the ingredients. “Our family’s recipe. One day, you will make these for your children. And your children’s children.”

Rebecca, still so young and with a hatred for smelly boys deep in her bones, giggled at the mere thought as her fingers fished out the bits of eggshell that snuck their way into the bowl. She wiped it away on the spare apron tied twice around her waist, much too big for her.

Bucky would never see her grow into it. He would be drafted only a few months later.

In the meantime, he would bundle half a dozen of them in a tea towel and split them with Steve on the walk to the movie theater. Steve would begrudgingly admit that Buck’s ma made the best cookies, but his made the best brisket. They’d sneak in through the back door and do it all again the next weekend, until they ran out of weekends together.

“Oatmeal raisin are my favorite.” He admitted, accepting your offering like a stray cat does to the first scrap of food from a stranger.

“I think you’re the only person under the age on one hundred to ever say that.” You teased, backing away to the door adjacent to his, “Anyway, don’t tell me things like that. I’m a stress baker and with finals coming up…” You winced at the image of the dozens of batches you would surely be whipping up in the coming weeks.

“Finals?”

“Law school, one semester left.” You fished your own keys from your back pocket. Bucky barely held in the scoff at the shiny Spider-Man keychain that dangled from your fingers. “You?”

“Oh, no. I haven’t been in school in what feels like…a century.”

“Well, I’m all alone here and as much as I would love to, I can’t eat everything that I bake. So, expect a few dozen muffins and cookies every few days.”

“No arguing from me, doll.”

You both lingered in the small hallway, only a few steps apart, each leaning against your respective doors. Keys in each hand, with no intention of using them any time soon.

“Law school, you said? How do you afford a place like this?” Bucky was sure he was the only recently pardoned fugitive under this room.

“Well, this used to be my grandma’s apartment and it was handed down to me in a maybe no so legal way. If the landlord asks, I’m an eighty-year-old woman who doesn’t know how to work her answering machine.”

He huffed a laugh, mostly because that wasn’t particularly far from how he felt with today’s tech. The flip phone that Dr. Raynor had described as archaic sat heavy in his back pocket with only three names programed into his contacts. Don’t get him started on his television.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.”

With that, you each stepping into your respective apartments. Bucky stalled at his door for a moment, listening as you locked and dead bolted your door behind you. He sighed, dumping his half-ruined groceries on his barren kitchen island.

The next day, he’d have another appointment with Dr. Raynor. This time when he’d say I’m trying, as he did each week, it wouldn’t be a complete lie. His phone buzzed in his back pocket.

2 New Messages

From: Sam

You coming up this weekend?

Don’t ignore me this time. He’s getting worse, Buck.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #marvel imagine #tfatws imagine #crawl home to her #sab writes

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thegreatestofheck · 3 years

Text

dark of the night [A. Hotchner]

word count – 25,555 (its so long im so sorry) warnings - a lot, blood, torture, mentions (but no descriptions) of sexual assault/rape, murder, canon violence stuff, this is essentially a hurt/comfort fic so expect a lot of hurt to come before the comfort, also a slow burn. synopsis - an agent gets taken in the middle of an investigation. in a race against time, the team at the bau must find her by diving into her deepest secrets. when a video tape arrives with horrible images of the state of their friends, aaron hotchner realizes just how terrified he is of losing her. tagging: @magicalbluepanther (i hope you don’t mind the tag lol) a/n – did anyone order an extra long aaron hotchner slow burn? Because here you’ve got one. so my mental health is declining again and that means I have to write a criminal minds one shot that involves a lot of hurt/comfort. also I gave y/n a name because i don’t really like y/l/n or anything, but you’re more than welcome to replace it with your own! please dont be mad at me. anyway, stay happy, healthy, safe, and groovy!

The moment Agent Hotchner realized that she wasn’t coming back, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. It had happened once before, this feeling, the day he was in his car and he got that call from Foyet and heard Hayley’s muffled sobbing over the phone. Panic settled into his bones, unable to shake it away even as the terrified eyes of the rest of the team looked his way.

“Did we just lose her?” Emily Prentiss asked, her words wavering ever so slightly as she tried to keep herself calm.

At the sound of her voice, Hotch finally found himself able to look around the room.

Morgan had shifted his eyes back to the door that his friend was supposed to come through. Reid stared at Hotch, wide eyed, lips parted. JJ was chewing on her thumb nail, waiting for Hotch to do something, say something. Emily was looking between the door and Hotch. Rossi was standing behind him, so he couldn’t see the look on his face, but Hotch couldn’t imagine he looked any different than the rest of his team.

Agent Evelyn Caro had walked into the meeting, undercover, in hopes of baiting a serial killer into a quick and easy arrest. After three years of horrific killings, the BAU team was so close to catching him and Agent Caro was more than willing to be the one to take him down.

Hotch knew this particular case was a sore spot for Caro, as all torture/murder cases were. But during this entire case, she had been far more on edge and far more eager to tear their suspect to shreds. He shouldn’t have let her go to the meeting, he knew it was too personal for her, even if she had never told him why.

She had refused to take in a ear piece, said that the stories that would be told at the meeting were personal and their privacy was to be respected. Hotch trusted her. He agreed. They all stood outside and waited. The meeting should have been only two hours, Caro promised that she would be back with the suspect in less than three hours.

But it had now been three hours and almost thirty minutes. The door hadn’t opened a single time since the last of the members of the meeting left, all except Caro and the suspect.

She fit his physical appearance preference and possessed the confidence he appeared to have deep hatred for. It should have been an easy job.

“What went wrong?” Hotch murmured out loud, more to himself.

His words seemed to trigger something in Morgan, who pushed open the van door and unholestered his weapon before anybody could stop him.

“Morgan!” Rossi yelled after him, but there was no slowing down, and once Morgan was running toward the meeting building, Emily and Reid were on his tail.

“Hotch, what do we do?” JJ asked, turning toward him as Rossi hopped out of the car to go after his peers.

Hotch ran through every single protocol that he knew like the back of his hand. They flitted through his brain like smoke, a flurry of useless words and numbers that meant nothing to him. Not a single one told him how to deal with this. Tightness squeezed at his chest as the rules and regulations he clung so tightly to began to fail him once again.

“We find her.”

Gun drawn, Hotch entered the building with JJ on his tail. His heart pounded in his chest, but he kept his composure about him. The same couldn’t be said for some of the others.

“Evie!” Morgan called out, kicking down a door.

“Evelyn?” Rossi’s voice echoed through elementary school.

Hotch was seconds away from calling out her name himself, but he kept his jaw clenched tight. JJ followed every move he made. If he lost himself now, so would JJ. He needed at least one person on his side whose head was still level.

They scoured the entire grounds, but they could find nothing. The room where the meeting had taken place was empty. Not even the leader was there anymore. This dark room was where the team met up after searching every inch of the grounds.

There was silence for an eternity as they passed glances between each other, wordlessly asking if anyone had found anything.

“There’s not even a footprint,” Morgan said helplessly, his eyebrows pulled together in concern.

“I didn’t hear her scream.” JJ’s voice was weak and her eyes downcast.

“None of us did,” Rossi replied.

“We have to find her quickly,” Hotch said, finally trusting himself enough to speak. “He only keeps his victims for five days and if he knows she’s FBI, it’s probably less than that.”

“I’ll call Garcia, track Evie’s phone,” Morgan said, pulling out his phone and turning away from the group.

“We start from the ground up,” Hotch instructed. “Right now, Agent Caro isn’t our coworker but a victim and we have to treat her as such if we want to find her. Dig into her life, figure out what connects her to the other victims. Did he take her because she’s FBI or because she’s connected to the others. Morgan?”

“Her phone’s off,” Morgan said, pulling the phone away from his ear.

“Tell Garcia to look for a connection between all of the victims. Dig and dig deep. Hold nothing back.”

Morgan paused for a moment. They all remembered when they had to do this very thing to him, when he was a suspect all those years ago. He knew what it was like to have his friends digging into a personal life he long wanted buried, how they looked at him differently after they knew, even if they didn’t mean to. He didn’t understand then, that they were trying to help, but he did now. There was no time to hesitate. This was Evelyn they were talking about.

“Garcia, give me everything on Evelyn Caro that you can find. Dig deep. She needs us,” Morgan said.

“Got it.”

“Call me when you get anything.”

“Yup.”

She ended the call and Morgan turned back to the team.

“Garcia’s on it.”

“Okay, then we need to get back to the station and look at everything again. We have a name. We know it’s him. We just need to find them.” Hotch turned away from the team and started for the exit. “No one goes home until we find her.”

___

Hotch meant what he said, but no one needed to be told twice. Red rimmed eyes scanned the same files over and over and over again as they waited for any amount of information from Garcia.

“There has to be something here,” Morgan said with a frustrated sigh. “Something we’re missing.”

“Why did he take her?” JJ asked as she set down her file. The woman rubbed her eyes before crossing her arms and looking up at the rest of the room. “I mean, what changed in that room that made him want her?”

“He found out she was FBI?” Reid suggested, leaning back in his chair.

“How though?” Rossi piped in from his position leaning up against the wall. “Caro isn’t dumb enough to reveal herself, we were careful.”

“She must have said something in that meeting that convinced him that she was a good target,” Hotch said. He could feel all eyes on him as he watched the ground, unable to meet any of their gazes. “Maybe this is how he finds his victims. At these group meetings.”

“So we sent Evie into a death trap.” Morgan shoved his chair away from the table and stood, hands on his hips as he breathed heavily.

“We have to figure out what connects her to the other victims,” Emily said. “Just like any other case.”

“But this isn’t any other case is it?”

“Morgan-”

“This is Evelyn we’re talking about!”

“Morgan, I need you to calm down,” Hotch said, standing from his place.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Hotch.” Morgan trembled with rage, his eyes glazed over with water. “You can’t expect me to sit here and-”

“I expect you to do your job, Agent Morgan, seeing as that is the only thing that will get Caro back home.” Hotch struggled to keep his voice low. He curled his fists so the others couldn’t see how badly his hands were shaking.

“You think we’ll get her back?”

“If you do your job.”

Morgan breathed in deeply and nodded his head. Before he sat back down, Morgan put his hand on Reid’s shoulder. The kid had his hand covering his mouth, his eyes glazed over like Morgan’s had been.

Hotch knew how close Morgan and Caro were. Ever since she signed on to the team, the two had been nearly inseparable. Hotch wondered if it was something he needed to discuss with them. Every time that he seriously considered it, he had to question his motivations. Was it to keep complications out of their team or was it something else, something he wasn’t ready to admit?

Turning his eyes away from Reid and Morgan, Hotch opened his mouth to address the team when Garcia stepped into the open doorway. They all turned to look at her only to see that her cheeks were streaked with tears as she clutched a file in her hands.

“Garcia, what is it?” Emily stood and walked toward her, a hand out open for her.

“You...you told me to dig deep so I did,” she stammered. “I...I did and I found...oh, God.”

“Come in,” Hotch said, trying to smooth the furrow in his brows.

Garcia took Emily’s hand and shuffled into the briefing room, sniffling through her tears.

“Our poor baby girl,” Garcia said, setting the file gently onto the round table as if it was fragile. “She never told us-”

“Garcia.”

Garcia cleared her throat and nodded her head, flipping the file open. The team crowded around the table. Staring up at them was a picture of a young girl, her face purpled and bloody. Morgan clenched his jaw, Reid turned his face away from the picture.

“Is that Caro?” JJ asked, her hand hovering over her mouth.

Hotch had seen this picture before, attached to the file so covered in black redacted lines that he barely gleaned anything from it. But there were no more black lines. Everything about Agent Caro was there for him to read. Her life was an open book for him. This was his job, the only way to get her back, so why did he feel so dirty doing it?

“When Evie-”

“Evelyn,” Hotch corrected. “She can’t be our friend right now.”

Garcia nodded, her eyes still glassy.

“When Evelyn Caro was 12 years old, she was kidnapped from her front lawn. She was held captive by her...by her uncle for four years. He did...he did horrible things to her...I’m sorry-”

Garcia choked, turning away from the file. Morgan put his hand on Garcia’s shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

“She was held by her uncle,” Hotch continued, eyes scanning the page, when it was clear that Garcia wouldn’t be able to. “There were clear signs of r-pe and physical violence, even though she never spoke about it afterward.”

“She was held captive by her uncle?” Morgan asked. “How did no one know it was him?”

“Police talked to everyone in the family,” Garcia said, turning back into the conversation. “He was never on their serious list of suspects.”

“How did she get out?” Rossi asked from his place near the back of the crowd.

“She broke out,” Garcia said, her voice like iron even as her lower lip trembled. “She stabbed that son of a bitch the moment she got the chance and she ran until someone found her.”

“She killed him?” JJ asked.

Hotch let out a heavy sigh. Something like pride blossomed in his chest. Maybe it was vindication. He would have killed the bastard himself.

“Why wouldn’t she tell us?” Reid asked, looking up at Hotch like a lost dog.

“We all have secrets we’ve kept from each other,” Hotch told him, even though he was wondering the same thing. “Now we need to figure out if this is somehow related to why he took her.”

There was a moment of silence hanging over the room.

“Garcia, look into the lives of the other women again,” he continued. “See if there is any kind of connection.”

“I’m on it.”

There was a new kind of determination in her voice, like a fire was lit underneath her.

“Videos of the other victims were sent to the families of the victims,” Hotch said, looking back at the rest of the team. “JJ, contact her brother, see if he’s received anything and tell him to contact us as soon as he is.”

“Yes, sir.”

“What about the rest of us?”

Once again, all eyes were on Hotch, expecting him to have all of the answers. But he didn’t. He didn’t know anything.

“Do your jobs.”

___

When the video was sent to her family, it wasn’t her estranged brother who received it.

“Hotch.” Morgan’s voice was shaking as he picked up the yellow envelope on his desk. “Hotch!”

As soon as Hotch saw the package he knew what had to be in it. He had seen four of them before all from the previous victims’ families. His heart constricted in his chest. He knew what they were about to watch. Their team member, their friend.

Grinding his teeth together to keep his face straight, Hotch took the package from Morgan and started back for the briefing room.

“Do you want me to round up the team?” Morgan asked.

“You guys shouldn’t have to watch this,” Hotch told him.

“You’re not watching it alone.”

Without another word, Morgan went to collect the others.

Once they were all in the briefing room, Garcia put the recording onto the big screen.

“You don’t-”

“We’re staying,” JJ said, her fingers laced with Emily’s.

Hotch nodded once before looking over at Garcia and signaling her to start the video.

As soon as Garcia hit the play button, Morgan put an arm around her shoulder and she put a hand up to her mouth. Hotch leaned against a chair, his knuckles going white.

The screen was black for a few moments. When it turned on, Agent Evelyn Caro was sitting half naked on a cot. Bruises littered her body, her ribs on the left side blackened. A cut ran across a purple cheek with dried blood running down her face. One of her eyes was black. But Caro stared straight ahead of her, eyes made of steal.

“Oh, baby,” Garcia breathed.

The room was small, bland. It looked cold.

A man stepped into the frame. Caro didn’t even look at him, she just kept staring straight ahead. Before he even said anything, he raised a hand and slapped her across the face. Reid flinched, but none of them turned away. Their attention needed to be on this video, gleaning as much information as they could to get her home. Hotch refused to let her suffering go to waste. He would watch every second of it, no matter how much his stomach burned with hatred.

Caro barely reacted to the backhand, her head snapping to the side, but the rest of her body stayed in the same place, her hands clasped together in her lap. When she straightened her head, blood trickled down from her lip. She lifted a hand to wipe the blood away before looking up at the man. Her eyes carried the heat of a thousand suns as she looked at her assailant, almost as if daring him to touch her again. That was the Caro that Hotch knew. She would never back down, never give in.

“What do you want?” She asked.

Hearing her voice so raw sent a chill down Hotch’s spine. Everything about this was wrong.

“I know what happened to you when you were young,” the man said, walking in front of her.

Caro clenched her jaw and turned her face forward once again, seeming to pretend that he wasn’t there.

“Does this feel familiar to you?” the man asked, spinning in a circle. “The room, the bed, the chain.”

Hotch’s eyes shifted away from Caro and he looked more at the bed. There was indeed a chain attached to the metal of the bed frame. Caro’s jaw tightened again and Hotch watched as she ran a finger over a scar he had seen on her wrist a million times before but never asked her about. He could only imagine a young Agent Caro, chained to a bed. She carried that scar around with her and he had never even cared enough to ask her about it.

“It’s exactly the same,” Caro said.

The man sat next to her and still Caro didn’t flinch. Not even her breathing changed. Amidst his anger and his fear, Hotch felt pride. Damn right she would not even acknowledge him. Hotch expected nothing less from her. Though he wouldn’t fault her if she did.

The Unsub put his hand on her knee and Hotch’s eyes went red. His ears rang, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest. He watched Caro look down at the Unsub’s hand and Hotch noticed a slight tremble in her body. Her shaking was rage, not fear. He knew her well enough to know that.

“What do you want?” The tremor reached her voice. Hotch could see her holding back from killing the unsub then and there. Her restraint told him that her captor was the only way out of her room. If she killed him now, she would be trapped.

The unsub sighed and tilted his head to the side, his eyes fixed on the ground.

“I want to break you,” he said.

Hotch clenched his jaw, but still Caro’s face stayed straight. She didn’t even blink. The words ‘I dare you to try’ never even passed her lips, but it was a clear challenge in her eyes.

The image cut and Hotch almost thought that was going to be the end. But then it suddenly clicked on. Caro was slowly sitting up from laying on the bed. The unsub was halfway in the frame, buckling his belt. Hotch heard a quiet ‘oh’ come from Garcia and when he glanced over at her, he noticed tears in Morgan’s eyes.

Caro seemed stiff as she sat up. The chain that had before been only attached to the bed was now shackled to her wrist. Hotch watched her grimace as she moved her feet to the ground. Her toes curled, telling Hotch that the ground was cold. The entire room must have been freezing.

A silence hung over the team as they waited for something to happen.

“You’re tough, I’ll give you that,” the unsub said. Caro refused to look at him. “The other girls gave in at this point.”

“And then you killed them.” Caro looked over at him, moving slowly and clearly despite the pain that was obvious settling into her bones.

The unsub shrugged his shoulders, a proud smile on his face.

“Some girls seem to think that death is better than what I did to them,” he said. “But maybe you kind of like it.”

Caro pulled harshly against her chain, shutting her eyes and turning her face away from him.

“Son of a bitch,” Rossi breathed. Hotch refrained from looking back at him.

“How does she not strangle him?” JJ asked. Her words were tight from the swelling in her throat.

“He’s her only way out of that room,” Hotch told her. “She kills him and she starves in there.”

“Not if we find her.”

They fell quiet again, just soon enough to hear a low rumble of a laugh from the man.

“I see I struck a nerve.” The unsub said.

Caro steadied her breathing and straightened her shoulders.

“I’m not surprised you’ve lasted longer than the other girls, being an FBI agent and all. I wonder how your friends are doing.”

Caro pulled against the chain again, her eyes squeezing tighter.

“Ah, another nerve. Should we poke at that one a bit more?”

The unsub stepped out of the frame. For the briefest moment, with his back turned on her, Caro’s eyes flicked toward the camera.

“She knows it’s there,” Reid said. “She knows about the camera.”

Caro sucked in a deep breath and gave a short nod of her head. She knew her taker’s MO. She knew about the videos and the envelope. She knew they were watching her, and she was telling them that she was okay.

When the unsub walked back into frame, he was holding something in his hands. With his back to the camera, they couldn’t get a good look at what he was holding.

“I am aware that your brother is the only remaining relative of yours who will speak to you, is that correct?” The unsub said.

Caro breathed deeply in once, her eyes staring straight through the unsub.

“This is him and his wife, their two daughters. Beautiful family. When was the last time you spoke to them?”

Agent Caro’s eyes moved from the unsub to the object in his hand and her eyes immediately welled up with tears. The unsub clicked his tongue.

“It’s the shame, isn’t it? It eats you up inside. You can’t bear the thought of tainting your brother and his perfect family with your past.”

She closed her eyes and turned her face away.

“This is Penelope Garcia, yes?”

Garcia straightened her back, surprised at hearing her name.

Caro opened her eyes and Hotch noticed a drastic shift in her breathing. Once steady and calm, her chest now rose and fell at an uneven pace. Her eyes darted between whatever the unsub was holding and his face.

“Jennifer Jareau?”

The unsub tossed something onto the bed next to Caro. And then another.

“David Rossi?”

For the first time, Caro flinched as he flicked what Hotch was starting to realize was a picture in her direction.

“Emily Prentiss. Spencer Reid.”

Two more pictures were thrown at her and Caro flinched twice more.

“Derek Morgan.”

A fire lit in Caro’s eyes as she stared up at him again.

“Aaron Hotchner.”

Before he could even throw the picture her way, Caro jumped up from the bed and charged at him, pulling on the chair.

“If you touch them, I swear I’ll kill you,” she seethed.

The unsub shoved her backward onto the bed, but she scrambled up again. He hit her across the face, sending her back with a yelp. Breathing heavily, she turned to look at him, like a rabid dog.

“That’s a hard promise to make seeing as you are chained to a bed and I am not.”

“She has to know that he can’t hurt us,” Emily said, looking to Hotch for answers.

“She’s panicking,” Hotch replied. His knuckles tightened over the chairs.

“You think I won’t go after them?” the unsub said as he dropped a hand onto her shoulder.

Caro turned her face away from him and shook her head.

“You can’t,” she said. Her voice was growing weak, shaking more. “They’re FBI, you can’t just-“

She didn’t get the chance to finish before the unsub threw a fist across her face.

“I won’t even have to hurt them though, will I?” The unsub sneered, bending down close to her face. “I bet by now they know every dark secret about your past. Every skeleton in your closet. They know about the blood on your hands.”

Hotch had read her file that Garcia dug up a thousand times over in the last few days since she found it. Something in him told him he had to, though another part of him wanted to wait until Caro was there to tell him herself. But she deserved better than for her story to go unknown. She deserved to have someone know.

“No,” Caro whimpered.

“You really think they’ll accept you after that?” The unsub let out a laugh.

“Evie, we love you,” Garcia said as she took a step forward. “Evie-“

“Garcia, quiet,” Hotch said, putting out a hand.

“Sir, she has to know, she has to know.”

Morgan put his arm back around Garcia and pulled her in for a hug.

“She knows,” he whispered to her.

“You lost your family once because of what you did to your uncle,” the unsub said. “Now you’ll lose another.”

“No!”

Caro threw herself at the unsub once again, her fists flying. Hotch had seen her fight before. She was well trained, and she was calculated, confident. But this was animalistic. This was pure instinct. Her punches were weak and light, hitting the places of the unsub where very little damage would be done. The chain prevented any real effort from her, though the bed shook and rattled as she yanked against the metal. It didn’t take him long to wrestle her onto the bed, pinning her down by her arms.

Her face was clearly displayed to the camera. She breathed sporadically, panting and gasping for air. Sweat beaded down her battered face. Her eyes were wide and flitting back and forth, terrified.

“How would you feel if I paid one of them a visit, huh?” The unsub asked, his nose brushing against her cheek.

Caro struggled, a growl of frustration strangled in her sore throat.

“That Spencer Reid lives alone, doesn’t he?”

Rossi put a hand on Reid’s shoulder, who had suddenly gone pale.

“Don’t touch him!” She thrashed again, trying to throw the unsub off of her. She tried to kick her feet, but they were effectively pinned under her by the weight of the unsub. She grunted and groaned in the effort it took to try and get him off of her.

“I doubt it would take much to strangle that skinny neck of his.”

Caro suddenly stopped struggled. The sweat that pooled down her cheeks suddenly started to look more like tears as her body went still.

“Please don’t hurt them,” she said, her voice quiet.

“What, you don’t want me creeping into Emily’s apartment tonight, pay her a little visit?”

Caro let out a quiet sound, something that was almost like a sob.

“Please.”

“What will you do for me in return?” He asked, pressing still closer to her face.

Caro rolled her head back and forth on the bed and Hotch could see the tears that pooled in her eyes.

“Anything.”

“Anything?”

She just nodded her head, lower lip quavering.

“Don’t give up, baby girl,” Morgan whispered. Garcia clung tighter to his hand.

“Well, well,” the unsub said with a sigh as he sat up, releasing Caro from his hold. Her body sagged even further into the cot. He stepped away from the cot and bent down to pick up some of the pictures that fell to the floor. “There isn’t really anything I want from you just now, so I might go and visit one of your friends just to keep you on your toes.”

“No!” Caro leapt from the bed and attached herself to the unsub’s back.

He threw her against back against the cot. Hotch could see him lift his hand to deliver hit after hit to his agent, but he was grateful that the unsub’s back blocked the view of the camera. He didn’t think he could stand to watch her get beaten.

Caro was surprisingly silent as the unsub hit her.

It was over relatively quickly. The unsub straightened himself out, squaring his shoulders. Without a word, he turned to the camera and walked toward it. Caro let out a quiet groan just before the unsub picked up the camera and shut it off.

There was a heavy silence that fell over the team.

“What the hell did we just watch?” Emily asked, setting her eyes on Hotch.

They were once again expecting him to have all the answers, but he had nothing to say. His hands were cramping from how hard he was clenching onto the chair. It took all the strength in him not to throw it across the room. Caro should be here with them, not in that room, not with that man.

“Garcia, can you play the end again and turn up the volume?” Rossi asked.

“No offense, sir,” Garcia said, teary eyed. “But I can’t watch that again.”

“Just the very end, as he’s walking toward the camera. Agent Caro said something.”

“Did she?” JJ asked, crossing her arms.

Garcia pressed a few buttons on her laptop and the video returned. Hotch was almost tempted to look away. The audio was louder as the unsub heaved out an exhausted sigh and started walking toward the camera. And then they heard it, the quiet groan. But it wasn’t a groan at all. She had said something, just a quiet name.

His name.

Aaron.

___

Sitting at his desk, Hotch couldn’t seem to lift his heavy head from his hands. The window, which was almost always closed, was wide open. His office was too stuffy, too hot. He couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t get the sound of his name from her lips out of his head.

A knock came to his door and he finally lifted his head. Rossi was standing there with his usual “something is wrong and I’m going to fix it” face. Hotch wasn’t sure if he was in the mood for this conversation.

“What can I do for you, David?”

“We have to talk about what just happened,” Rossi said.

“I don’t really think-“

“Aaron, listen to me,” Rossi said, walking into the room. “Evelyn needs you right now.”

“There’s nothing I can do that the team isn’t already doing.”

“She said your name.”

“I know that. You think I don’t know that?” Hotch’s tone was a little sharper than he meant it to be. He let out a sigh and stretched out his fingers.

Rossi sat down across from him.

“Why? We all know that she’s closest with Morgan, so why say your name?” Rossi asked. Hotch squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw. The exhaustion headache that was plaguing him wasn’t helping the fact that thinking about who Caro was and wasn’t closest with lit a fire in his gut. “And why your first name? She only ever called you Hotch, like the rest of us.”

“That’s not true,” Hotch said, memorizing the lines on his hands so he wouldn’t have to look at Rossi.

“What isn’t?”

“She’s called me Aaron.”

“When?”

“When she was angry with me,” Hotch said. The thought of it pained him. He could hear her sharp tone, the way she hissed his name like venom. When she thought he was too cold, too apathetic.

“Or….”

“Or what?”

There was another time when she called him Aaron. Three other times.

On the worst day of his life, when he held Hayley’s body in his arms, Caro had sat next to him on the floor. People were calling his name. “Hotch, Hotch, Hotchner.”

She sat there on the ground and whispered his name just once, “Aaron.” It was quiet, like a pin dropping during a storm. But still he heard her.

“Aaron, your son,” she said.

That decision, to stay with Hayley or go find Jack, tore his soul into pieces until she spoke again.

“I’ll stay with her.”

The second time was a few weeks after Hayley’s death. Hotch wasn’t handling it well, or at all. She saw right through the façade that he had put forward. He was at the office late one night and so was she. Even when he tried to send her home, she politely refused, saying there was a lot of work she needed to get done.

He spent hours in his office, the grief and the sorrow and the shame building and building and building until he was suddenly standing over his desk. Everything here reminded him of Hayley. The baseball, the picture of Jack, even the piles of papers that were stacked high, shaming him for not being there for her more.

The only way to keep himself from crying was to let the anger take over. Anger at Foyet, anger at the job, anger at the world, anger at himself. Forgetting where he was, Hotch had dumped everything off of his desk with one sweep of his arm.

Collapsing to the ground, Hotch didn’t remember how long he sat there, leaning against his desk, hyperventilating, until Caro walked in. She didn’t say anything to him. She just lowered herself to the ground next to him, letting out a long sigh. She just sat there, breathing louder than Hotch was used to her breathing, but he found after a few minutes that his breathing began to match hers. A calmness returned to his body, at least enough to breathe normally.

“Aaron?”

He turned to look at her, the edges of his eyes lined with red.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?”

Hotch nodded his head. He pushed himself to his feet before helping Caro to hers.

“I’ll drive,” she said, stepping around all of the things on the ground.

“What about-“

“We’ll deal with it tomorrow,” Caro had said. “Come on.”

She talked to him all the way back to the car. She asked if he wanted to talk about what made him dump all of his stuff on the ground. When he said no, she asked him about Jack instead. It felt comfortable to talk to her about his son, even though he tried to keep personal life and business separated. He had never really talked to her about anything other than work, except for the times when the team would go out to eat, back when Hayley would come with them. She would talk about her brother, his family, but very vaguely.

Now he supposed he knew why she was always so vague.

The third time she called him Aaron, they were on a case. Young girls being kidnapped, assaulted, and dumped. This was one of many cases just like it. Hotch couldn’t even remember what town they were in now. All he remembered was walking by Caro’s hotel room and feeling like he needed to go inside. Something pulled him to a stop outside her door that night and he couldn’t ignore it.

He knocked on the door, but didn’t wait for a respond before he opened in.

Caro was still up, even though they had left hours ago. She had skipped the meal they all shared together, which was unlike her. She sat at her desk, the lamp on but not the overhead light. The case that they were working was laid out in front of her. When she looked up at him, startled that he had come in, her eyes were red and he couldn’t tell if it was all of the reading or if it was something else.

“What can I do for you, Hotch?” Caro asked, one of her legs propped up on the swivel chair.

“I….” He hadn’t really thought this far ahead. “….wanted to check on you, see how you were doing.”

Caro’s lips pulled into an amused smile.

“You never check on me.”

“Maybe now’s the time to start.”

They were quiet for a few moments until Caro let out a sigh. She patted the bed, signaling for him to sit.

“These cases, the ones with the young girls, they’re hard,” Caro told him after he sat down.

Hotch felt like a foreigner sitting there and talking to her, awkward as he sat on her bed, like it shouldn’t be him here doing this. But she seemed so eager to talk, like she was just waiting for someone to ask.

“I understand,” Hotch said finally, looking at the carpet. “They’re hard on all of us.”

“Aaron.”

At the sound of his name, he looked back at her and he could see the tears in her eyes. He didn’t realize it then, but she had been begging him to understand so she didn’t have to say. She didn’t want to have to say it.

He couldn’t sleep that night and he didn’t know why.

“She called you Aaron when she was mad at you or….” Rossi’s voice pulled him back to the present.

“Or she needs me to listen.”

“So, what does she need you to hear?”

___

“He knows her,” Hotch said suddenly, startling the life out of the half sleeping agents.

“What?” Morgan asked, sitting up.

“The unsub knows her. There is no way that he learned all of this about her at the meeting they went to. No way he could have replicated the room that she was kept in when she was a child unless he had personal information.”

“He knew everything about her…and us…before he even took her,” Rossi said, his voice laced with awe. “Which means….”

“All those other murders were about getting her here.” Hotch felt his heart restrict in his chest. “This has all been about her. She was the piece we were missing.”

“Sir?” Garcia hurried into the room, meaning she had found something. “The link between all the victims, I think I found it.”

The team turned toward her.

“Evie is the link.” Garcia swiped up on her laptop, a couple different screens popping up on the big screen. “Sarah Jordans went to kindergarten with Evie. Paulette Bobin was the daughter of the police officer who found Evie after she escaped her uncle. Robin Everard was her high school drama teacher’s niece. Celia Hough was the sister of a woman she walked dogs for in middle school. They weren’t close enough to Evie for her to recognize them, but they were all a part of her life in some way.”

Hotch looked over at Rossi and shook his head.

“It’s been about Caro all along. All of it.”

“That means that the place she’s being held is about her too,” Morgan said. “More than just making the room look the same. He’s holding her somewhere that means something to her.”

“Garcia,” Hotch said, turning his attention back to the tech analyst. “Who owns the uncle’s house now?”

“You think he took her back there?”

“She said the room looked exactly the same. Maybe because it was the same.”

“The house passed onto his wife’s son when he died,” Garcia said.

“Where is the son now?”

“He is….” They all watched her carefully, waiting for the last piece of information. “…. He changed his name just after his father’s funeral to….”

Hotch turned back to the screen, where the picture of the unsub was plastered so none of them would forget it.

“Ralph Bennet,” Morgan said, venom in his words. “The unsub.”

“How did she not recognize her own cousin?”

“His father and mother got divorced when he was young. He didn’t even know he had a step-dad who was still alive until he was dead,” Garcia said.

“So, Ralph Bennet was the step-son of Caro’s uncle. He feels like he has to punish her for taking another father figure away from him,” added Reid.

“He wants her to pay. He wants to hurt her in any way possible.”

“He’s got her at her old house.”

___

Evelyn could barely see. Her eyes were weak and tired, partially from the crying and partially from the lack of sleep. She was terrified of letting her eyes shut, of letting her guard down. She needed to stay awake, to keep her guard up. But she couldn’t take her eyes away from the red stain on the floor.

The cot mattress was itching her skin. If she could ignore the itching, she would begin to feel the sting of the metal chain against her skin. She preferred the itching.

A thud from downstairs echoed to her room. The attic. Pretending like this wasn’t that room she had been kept in for all those years was the only thing that was keeping her from breaking down, but that wall between what she pretended was real and reality was growing thin.

Breathing in through her nose, Evelyn shut her eyes and imagined herself back in her apartment, safe and warm. In her hands was a cup of tea, chamomile with only one sprinkling of sugar. It was raining outside. Not too hard, but hard enough that she could hear it pattering against the window. Her dog slept at her feet, breathing softly. In her lap was-

Another thud from downstairs, tearing Evelyn from her fantasy. She opened her eyes and looked toward the door.

“Ralph?” She called out, voice hoarse. There was no response.

When the door burst open suddenly, Evelyn yelped and jumped backward, curling her legs in on herself.

Ralph stood there, his face red and sweat beading down his forehead.

“What’s going on?” Evelyn asked, curling up tighter.

Ralph let out a growl of frustration and started toward her.

“Ralph- no!” Evelyn kicked out at him, but he grabbed hold of her ankles and dragged her to the edge of the bed. “What are you-“

“Shut up,” Ralph snapped, unlacing the chains around her wrist. “We’re leaving.”

“What-“

“I said shut up!”

He tugged down hard on the chain, making it dig deeper into the wound around her wrist. Evelyn hissed in pain, but she quieted as he told her. There was another thud from downstairs and Evelyn snapped her head in the direction of the sound. Things were slowly starting to come together; Ralph’s shaking hands, his red face, the thudding downstairs.

Evelyn looked between Ralph and the door. She sat a still as she could while his trembling hands, waiting for the just right moment. As soon as the chains were loose, Evelyn slipped her wrist out of the chain, kicked Ralph over with as little strength as she had, and ran for the door.

“Aaron!”

Her cry echoed through the house just before Ralph grabbed her from behind, clamping a hand over her mouth.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He hissed, dragging her back into the room.

“Caro?”

Evelyn gasped through Ralph’s hand at the sound of Hotch’s voice, trying to shout back. She struggled against Ralph as he pulled her back to the bed, thrashing her shoulders to try and break free.

“Agent Caro?”

I’m here, Hotch, I’m here.

Ralph threw the weak Evelyn onto the bed and backhanded her across the face so hard that her head started to spin. She stretched her jaw, blinking away the blackness in her vision.

“Evie!” From somewhere far away, she thought she could hear her best friend, Derek Morgan, calling for her. She opened her mouth to call back, but all she felt was numbness.

By the time she finally felt like she could see again, there was someone else in the doorway. At first glance, she thought it was Ralph, but he was still there in the room with her. The man in the doorway had a gun, the man in the doorway was Aaron Hotchner.

“Ralph Bennet, step away,” Hotch said.

Evelyn watched, head blurry as Ralph did as he was told, backing away from her. But he was going the wrong way. There was something wrong that way. Something she needed to tell Hotch about.

“You came for me,” she said, trying to smile.

“Are you okay, Caro?”

Evelyn could feel the headache behind her eyes begin to fade. She nodded her head once, letting her eyes close. There was something she needed to tell him, something really important.

“There’s something,” she said, shaking her head to try and clear it. “Over there-“

Before Evelyn could even finish, Ralph stepped forward and swung a bat at Hotch, the bat that Evelyn knew was in the corner. The bat that broke her ribs. That was what she needed to tell Hotch about. But now it was too late.

The bat knocked Hotch’s gun out of his hands and onto the ground. Hotch wasted no time in jumping into action, springing at Ralph without a second thought. Evelyn tried to shake herself out of her stoper. She would be no help to anyone weary. Even if malnutrition and the beating she got that morning were the cause of her exhaustion, she wanted to be of more help.

Hotch knocked Ralph backward, but Ralph held tight to the bat in his hands, using it to push Hotch backward. It was hard for Evelyn to follow the fight, her eyes not able of following every hit and swing. When her eyes finally caught up with what was happening, the ringing in her ears starting to fade, Evelyn found that Hotch was on the ground, Ralph standing over him with the baseball bat, ready to bash his head in.

Evelyn pushed herself off of the bed, her legs weak and shaking, and ran toward Ralph.

“Don’t touch him!” She growled, reaching up to grab hold of the bat.

“Let go, bitch!”

It didn’t take much for Ralph to throw Evelyn’s grip off the bat, but only by throwing the bat out of his hands as well. She hit the ground with a thud, the force rattling through her bones. Ralph immediately turned his attention back to Hotch, who was still on the ground but in a less vulnerable state.

On the ground with Evelyn were the bat and the forgotten gun, but they were all the way on the other side of the room. She didn’t know if she could make it there and back before her legs gave out.

She was laying on the ground by the edge of the bed, hearing Hotch and Ralph go at it. There had to be something that she could do. She had to do something. As she pushed herself up, Evelyn’s had grazed over the chain, the chain that had been used to keep her tied to this bed for days. Looking up at Ralph, Evelyn dug into all that bitterness and all the rage that she had been brewing for the past twenty years of her life and found some ounce of strength.

Strength enough to wrap her hands around the chain. Strength enough to pick to chain off the ground. Strength enough to stand.

With Ralph paying attention to Hotch, his back was left exposed to her. He didn’t think she had the strength left. He thought he broke her.

But she was unbreakable.

Wrapping the chain around one of her hands, she walked up behind Ralph and swung the chain around his neck. He let out a startled gasp, lifting a hand, but not before Evelyn grabbed the chain with her open hand and pulled. Ralph stumbled backward into her. He slapped at her hands. He tried to hit her with the back of his head.

But the adrenaline coursing through her veins kept her strong. She pulled tighter, tensing her hands.

Ralph gagged and Evelyn scrunched her nose. He let out a gurgling sound and Evelyn groaned as the muscles in her arms began to cramp from the tightness. But still she did not let go.

Hotch stood, his lip bleeding and his eye beginning to bruise. Ralph and Evelyn stumbled over; he fell to the ground and she landed on the bed, never once letting the chain go slack.

“Agent Caro,” Hotch said. “You can let him go.”

Evelyn only pulled tighter. Ralph smacked at her hands lamely, choking sounds gurgling from his throat. His legs kicked out, struggling in the same way that she had been. His legs kicked and his body twitched and his arms flailed out and he maybe felt an ounce of the terror that Evelyn had.

“Caro.”

Evelyn’s face twisted she breathed heavily, pulling tighter against the chain until Ralph’s eyes were rolling.

“Evelyn.”

She froze, looking up at him. All the tension in her face faded as her eyes met Hotch’s. She always used his first name when she needed him to listen to her, but now it was her turn to listen to him. Ralph gasped for the air that was slowly entering his lungs.

“You can let him go.”

Evelyn remembered that scared little girl she was all those years ago. There had been no other option then. It was just her, her uncle, and the knife in her hand. It was kill him or live the rest of her life in a prison. She felt like that again. Alone, terrified, trapped, cornered. There was no other way out.

“You’re safe now, Evelyn,” Hotch said. “You can let him go.”

She wasn’t alone anymore. Hotch was here with her. She wasn’t that terrified little girl with no way out. She was an FBI agent. She had grown and she had learned and she was no longer alone. Her team had come from her. Her family had found her.

She let go of the chain, pulling her legs onto the bed. Ralph heaved in lung fulls of air, but Evelyn kept her eyes on Hotch. He took a step toward them, pulling out his handcuffs. Evelyn flinched away, pulling her legs in tighter.

“These aren’t for you,” Hotch told her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Relaxing her muscles as best as she could, Evelyn nodded her head.

“I know,” she said. “I know.”

She sat there on the bed while Hotch roughly rolled a still coughing Ralph onto his stomach to handcuff him. Once the handcuffs were on, Hotch turned back to Evelyn, who was still staring at him. Her eyes were full of tears.

It was hard for Hotch to say that he didn’t enjoy beating Ralph into the ground. He shouldn’t want to keep beating the shit out of the man now that he was in handcuffs, but seeing those tears in her eyes made Hotch want to. He had been tempted to let Evelyn kill Ralph. She deserved that bit of closure. But he knew the guilt that she already carried, the guilt she would carry on top of that. He knew because he carried that same guilt.

Still, he wanted to see that monster dead. He wanted to wipe those tears from her eyes before they even had a chance to fall.

“Caro-“

“Evie!”

Morgan burst into the room, his eyebrows pinched together in worry. Evelyn tore her gaze away from Hotch at the sound of Morgan’s voice.

“Derek.” The relief in her voice as she said his name made Hotch’s stomach drop.

Morgan rushed toward the bed and dropped to his knees in front of it. He reached forward and pulled the tattered blanket on the bed up and around Evelyn’s shoulders, covering her. Evelyn just stared at him, the tears threatening to fall from her lashes. Morgan brushed hair from out of her face as a smile began to pull at his lips. His smile made her almost able to break a grin too.

When Morgan first put his arms around Evelyn, het body immediately tensed. She expected to be surrounded by Ralph’s smell, feel his clammy skin on hers. But it was Morgan’s smell; that expensive cologne she had bought for his birthday mixed with the laundry detergent he always used. He held her tight. Even when she opened her eyes, she wasn’t able to look down enough to see Ralph, which was probably Morgan’s intention. She would have done the same thing.

The adrenaline had succeeded in keeping her heart rate steady, but now that Morgan was holding her, her heart started to pound.

Hotch grabbed Ralph off the ground and hoisted him to his feet. Evelyn listened as he shoved Ralph down the stairs, Ralph grunting and groaning all the way down.

It wasn’t until they could no longer hear him that Morgan pulled away. She didn’t want to let him go, afraid that she would begin to crumble without him there. Morgan put a hand on her cheek and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“Let’s get you home.”

___

The first worst part about walking down those stairs was remembering the last time she had done this. That red stain on the floor had been there for twenty years. Evelyn had left her uncle bleeding out on the floor while she stumbled down the stairs, dazed, terrified. She knew the blood was the same because she had been covered in it too.

The second worst part was when everyone turned to look at her.

JJ, Emily, Reid, and Rossi were all in the downstairs of the house. They had holstered their guns, but Emily still had her hand on hers. The stairs were too narrow for Morgan to walk alongside her, so he held her hand as he walked in front of her. She was almost hesitant to take that final step, terrified of how the others would look at her.

When they heard the stair creak, they all turned their heads toward Evelyn. She froze, her blood running cold. She expected the concerned stares, the pitied eyes, it was all she got last time. Tightening the blanket around her shoulders, Evelyn couldn’t bring herself to look them in the eyes.

JJ walked toward her, stopping only a few feet away.

“Can I hug you?” JJ asked.

Evelyn looked up to see that there were tears in her friend’s eyes, but a smile on her face. There was no pity, only relief.

Slowly, Evelyn nodded her head. JJ didn’t need to be told twice. She closed the distance, wrapping her arms around Evelyn’s neck. Emily was next, pressing a gentle kiss against the side of her head. Reid’s hug was awkward, shaky.

“If you ever need to talk,” he said quietly.

Evelyn nodded her head. She knew that he understood what it was like, to be taken and held against your will. She gave him a gentle smile that he returned. Rossi was the last to approach her. He had teary smile on his face as well. He didn’t hug her entirely, but instead put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her toward him to press a kiss against her forehead.

“C’mon,” Morgan said. “Ambulance is out here.”

“I don’t need to go to the hospital,” Evelyn said, looking over at him and giving a shake of your head.

Morgan raised his eyebrows, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Same old Evelyn.” He put an arm around her shoulder, as he always did. The action was simple, but it was enough to make her smile, to make her feel normal. “But yes, we’re taking you to the hospital.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes but let him lead her outside to the ambulance. Hotch was already out there, talking quietly to the EMT. Ralph must have gone in a different police car. He was nowhere to be seen.

“I’ll meet you at the hospital?” Morgan said once she had a quick once over by the EMT.

“You’re not going to ride with me?” She asked. Evelyn hoped that the fear of being alone again that she was feeling didn’t show through in her voice.

“Hotch’ll go with you.”

Morgan dropped a hand on Hotch’s shoulder, who wore his usual scowl, his arms crossed. He turned toward Morgan, who raised his eyebrows and walked away.

“I’ll be right back,” the EMT said before turning and walking away.

Evelyn sat on the bed, still wearing the blanket Morgan had wrapped around her. Her stomach twisted as Hotch walked toward her. She kept her eyes at the ground, chewing on the inside of her lip. She could feel only shame as he looked at her. Maybe it was because he could see the bruises and the cuts and the blood. Maybe it was because she was at her lowest and he was her boss who should only ever see her at her best. Maybe it was because he had to talk her down from choking the life out of a man. Maybe it was some combination of everything.

“Are you okay?” He asked her, leaning up against the ambulance.

Evelyn nodded her head slowly. She would have responded with a decisive yes, but her mouth had gone too dry to talk.

“That’s a stupid question, of course you’re not okay,” Hotch muttered and looked down at his feet.

“I’m okay,” Evelyn affirmed. “I’m okay.”

When he looked back up at her, Evelyn was surprised to see his eyes were watery.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get you sooner.”

Evelyn shook her head as aggressively as she could manage.

“I knew you would come, Hotch,” she told him. “I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault.”

Hotch let out an almost bitter laugh.

“I should be saying that to you.” Hotch looked at her in such a way that made Evelyn’s stomach squeeze. “All this time, and you’re still looking after me.”

Evelyn gave him a small smile in return.

“Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Of course.”

The EMT returned, telling Hotch that they were getting ready to go. He pulled himself into the ambulance and the EMT followed after him.

“Lie back,” the EMT said. Evelyn did as she was told, feeling a suffocating feeling settling on her chest as she stared up at the white ceiling. The sting of tears returned to her eyes and she wasn’t sure if she had the strength to hold them back.

Her hands tensed at her side, clenching around the blanket of the gurney. Hotch, now sitting in the chair beside her, reached out and took her hand in his. She turned her head to look at him, sniffing in deeply.

“It’s going to be okay,” Hotch told her before giving her a sharp nod.

Evelyn nodded back at him, breathing in deeply. She let go of the blanket and shifted her hand around until her fingers were laced through his. She didn’t know how comfortable he was with holding her hand, but at the moment she didn’t care. She needed someone’s hand to hold. She needed his hand to hold.

She wasn’t in the hospital for very long, which she was grateful for. Garcia got there as soon as Evelyn was released and put a pair of shaking arms around her, already dissolved into tears. Evelyn laughed, grateful for her friend’s antics.

“I love you so much,” Garcia said, her tears watering Evelyn’s neck.

She had ditched the gross blanket and was currently sporting a wonderful hospital gown and Hotch’s coat.

“Are you staying somewhere? Do you need somewhere to stay? I’ve got some clothes and a warm bed and I can make you some tea-“

“I really appreciate it, Pen,” Evelyn said, “But Hotch offered me a bed already.”

Garcia stopped her rambling to stare at her, glancing behind Evelyn to where Hotch was talking to the rest of the team.

“Hotch offered-? Right, okay. That’s good. I still brought you some clothes to wear. Come with me.”

“O-okay.”

Garcia led Evelyn to the bathroom to put her in some clothes.

“As soon as they went to get you, I went home to grab you some clothes.” Garcia dropped her bag on the ground. Evelyn covered her mouth with her hand to keep herself from laughing. It was sweet of her friend, but Evelyn didn’t think she needed that many clothes for a few nights. “I hope it’s enough.”

“Thank you. It’s perfect.”

Evelyn stepped into one of the stalls and pulled a thin sweater on over her head and a pair of sweatpants. It wasn’t the cutest outfit, but it was comfortable, and it covered her ill looking body, so it would do.

Penelope was wiping tears away when Evelyn stepped out of the stall. Evelyn smiled at her and put her hands on her friend’s shoulders.

“I’m okay, Pen.”

“Evie-“

“I’m really okay. I promise.”

Penelope let out a heavy sigh and nodded.

“Can I have a smile? It’ll make me feel better,” Evelyn said in a sing-songy, letting her hands fall back to her side.

A smile tugged at Penelope’s lips and she turned away, letting out a little laugh.

“There you go. Now the world’s right again.”

Evelyn and Penelope left the bathroom and rejoined the group just as Hotch was finishing his little speech.

“Go home, everybody. Get some sleep. We’ll come back to work on Monday,” Hotch was saying.

“Thank you,” Evelyn piped up before they turned to go their separate ways. “For everything.”

___

Hotch opened the front door of his apartment. It was dark inside, only one of the lamps were on. It was silent, still. Part of it was reassuring, the stillness. Part of it was unsettling, the quiet.

She looked back at Hotch and he nodded his head, so she stepped inside.

It felt better once she was inside. It was warm, warmer than the attic.

She had never even imagined stepping into Hotch’s home. She expected it to be stiff and cold like his office was, impersonal. But it was lively, with pictures hung on the walls and décor covering shelves full of books. Evelyn wondered absent-mindedly how much of it was Hayley’s sister or if Hotch had a secret interior designer in him somewhere. The thought made her smile.

“You’ll sleep through here,” Hotch said, his voice in a hushed tone. Jack was probably already in bed.

“Your room?” She asked, keeping her voice equally as low.

Hotch nodded.

“I’m not going to displace you,” Evelyn said. “I can sleep on the couch.”

On the couch, there was already a blanket and pillow set up.

“No, Caro. I can’t let you sleep on a couch your first day back,” Hotch said, giving his head a shake.

“Hotch, seriously-“

“Agent Caro…”

Evelyn tilted her head down and raised an eyebrow.

“Now you’re using your boss voice on me.”

To her amazement, Hotch actually smiled. He was looser here, less uptight. Something about passing into his house must have been some kind of release. Domestic Hotch was very different than at work Hotch.

“Fine,” Evelyn said. “But only for tonight.”

“I’ll be out here if you need me.”

Evelyn nodded her head. She turned down the hall as Hotch walked toward the couch. Evelyn stopped, turning to say one last thing to him, but she decided against it. He sat with his back to her, taking off his shoes. She watched him let out a deep sigh and roll tension out of his shoulders. Evelyn couldn’t help but think that she was the cause of that tension and the sooner she was out of his hair the better.

It was strange, standing by Hotch’s bed. This would be the first warm, safe bed she would be falling in to and it wasn’t her own, it was Hotch’s. It felt wrong to touch. It wasn’t hers. Even if he had said she could, it wasn’t hers. This bed belonged to someone else. Hotch’s permission didn’t feel like the only permission she needed.

On the bedside table, there was a picture. Hotch, Jack, and Hayley, all huddled together and smiling. Evelyn felt herself smiling as she looked at it. Reaching out her hand, she ran a finger along the picture frame.

��I hope it’s okay with you,” Evelyn whispered, looking at the picture of Hotch’s late wife.

They’d met a few times in the past and she was just the gentlest woman. She loved Hotch and she loved her son. There she was, staring up at Evelyn and smiling. But the only image that Evelyn had of her in her mind was Hayley’s limp body, the blood that stained her shirt.

Turning away from the picture, Evelyn pulled the blankets back before she kept overthinking. She dropped the bag that Garcia had given her onto the ground, flicked off her shoes and socks, and crawled into bed.

The warmth of the blankets was strange to her. Even her own bed wasn’t as warm as this one was. Still trying not to over think it, Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut and rolled onto her side. She breathed in deeply and was overwhelmed by his scent. With a heavy sigh, she rolled back onto her back and opened her eyes.

“Get over yourself, Evelyn,” she whispered to herself.

Breathing in slowly and steadily, Evelyn let her brain relax. She went to that safe place in her mind, that place far away. She didn’t even realize she had fallen asleep, safe and warm in that room where no one could reach her.

It wasn’t until blood started to seep through the walls that she realized she was asleep.

She woke up to someone screaming. The sound echoed off the walls of the bedroom. Someone was crying.

“Caro. Caro.” Someone was calling her name. Someone close by. Someone far away.

“Evelyn!”

Her eyes snapped open, her heart pounding so hard she thought she might be having a heart attack. The room was still dark, but the bedside lamp was turned on. The blankets were half on the floor. She had been throwing them off when she kicked her legs. Hotch was sitting in front of her. Not just sitting in front of her, but holding onto her shoulders. He had been shaking her. There was worry on his face, his eyes wide. Behind him was Jack, tears rolling down his face.

He was the one who was crying. That must have meant she was the one who was screaming.

“You’re okay,” Hotch said. “You were just dreaming.”

Evelyn lifted her hands to her face to find that there were tears on her cheeks.

“I…I’m sorry,” she said, a scowl in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Hotch shook his head. He looked tired. She must have woken him up.

“Is she okay?” Jack asked and sniffled.

“She’s fine, Jack, go back to bed,” Hotch said. When Jack hesitated, Hotch gave him a smile. “It’s okay. Go back to bed.”

Jack nodded and shuffled out of the room.

“I’m sorry,” Evelyn whispered again, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hotch said again and dropped a hand onto her knee. “You’re safe here, no one can hurt you here.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….”

Her hands were shaking too badly for her to say anything else. She already couldn’t remember the dream, but there was blood, so much blood. And she remembered she couldn’t breathe, like there was a chain wrapped around her neck.

Evelyn shut her eyes and put her shaking hands up to her head.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said.

Hotch let out a sigh. He was frustrated with her. The thought made tears sting her eyes.

“It’s not your fault.”

Even with her eyes closed, the tears still managed to slide down her cheeks. Hotch reached out his hand and rested it on the back of her neck. The contact only made her tears fall faster. She moved her hands to cover her face, ashamed of her reaction. Hotch pulled her in toward him and the closer she got to him, the harder she started to cry.

He put his other arm around her and she lowered her forehead to his shoulder, the sobs shaking her shoulders. But Hotch held her tight, one hand on the back of the neck, the other on her back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

She wasn’t sure what she was really sorry for. Sorry for waking him up. Sorry for sleeping in his bed. Sorry for invading his space. Sorry for getting kidnapped. For getting in the way. For making his life harder. For setting them back from work for days.

“It’s okay, Evelyn. It’s okay.”

At the sound of her name, she stopped her apologies. She heard her first name come from his mouth so rarely, she didn’t want to talk over him. She just wanted to hear him say it again. Finally letting her hands fall away from her eyes, she let her hands fall into her lap.

“It’s not your fault, Evelyn,” he whispered, hesitantly letting his fingers lace through her hair.

She sniffed.

“It wasn’t your fault and none of us are upset with you,” Hotch told her.

Slowly, her breathing started to return to normal, sucking in short, gasping breaths of air, but they were steadier.

He pulled away from her, brushing her damp hair out of her face and resting a hand on her cheek. She wouldn’t look at him, still taking shallow breaths, tears still rolling down her cheeks, body still shaking.

“None of us blame you for any of it,” he told her, leaning down to try and catch her eye. “And there’s nothing that could have ever happened to you or that you could have possibly done that wouldn’t make us come for you.”

He brushed a tear off of her cheek as it slid from her eye.

“Evelyn, look at me.”

It took her a moment, but she finally managed to lift her eyes to meet his. They were wide and terrified, trembling like the rest of her body. Hotch tightened his jaw.

“We’re not going anywhere. I know your last family left you after what happened, but I promise you, we are not going anywhere.” Evelyn let out another shuddered breath and nodded her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It took a few more moments to calm her down and by the time she had stopped crying, her eyes were getting heavy.

“Sleep now,” Hotch said, slowly standing up from the bed. She was still sitting up, her head hanging and her hands in her lap.

“Aaron?” He paused at the door and half turned toward her. “Will you….”

She scowled and cleared her throat, shaking her head.

“What can I do for you?”

She breathed out heavily and looked up at him again.

“Would you stay, here, with me?” She felt stupid, asking.

But he wasn’t looking at her in pity or loathing. He nodded his head before walking to the other side of the bed.

Evelyn laid back onto the pillow, pulling the blankets up to her chin. She closed her eyes, embarrassed to see him, as if her request was ridiculous and gross. But she didn’t think that she could have fallen asleep if she was on her own.

She felt the other side of the bed dip in and the blankets rustle.

“Do you want the light on?” He asked.

“You can turn it off if you’d like.”

The light flickered off and they were shrouded in darkness.

“Goodnight, Evelyn.”

“Night, Aaron.”

___

When Hotch woke up the next morning, the other side of the bed was empty. He got used to the empty bed a long time ago, but there was a pit in his stomach this time. Evelyn should be there. She should be-

There was a smell coming from the kitchen. A pleasant smell.

Sitting up and stretching, Hotch made his way to the bedroom door. He heard laughing coming from the kitchen. When he opened the door, he had a direct line of sight to the kitchen. Jack was already awake, sitting happily at the table. There were usually only two chairs at that table, but Jack had pulled up a third.

Standing in the kitchen with a smile on her face was Evelyn. Jack was saying something to her, barely incoherent through all his laughter. Evelyn was just laughing along with him. Hotch shuffled through the hallway, leaning his shoulder against the corner of the and crossing his arms.

“What is going on here?” He asked with a smile on his face.

Evelyn and Jack both turned to him, both smiling.

“Eggs, bacon, French toast,” Evelyn said. “Want some?”

Hotch couldn’t help the smile on his face. He nodded, walking toward Jack and sitting down at the chair next to him.

It was strange, seeing Evelyn this way. She was generally serious at work, like he was. She would laugh and tease with Morgan and the girls and Reid, but Hotch was so used to her being solid, so stoic, so ready. But here she was, smiling and laughing and making jokes with him.

Evelyn walked over to the table carrying three plates of food and set them onto the table. She sat down, the biggest grin on her face.

“Dig in,” she said.

Hotch and Evelyn both knew that this happiness on her face went only so deep. Her suffering and her pain were just starting to bubble to the surface. But for now, she could eat this breakfast, laugh with Jack, pretend everything was okay.

“Would you like to watch my soccer game today, Evie?” Jack asked as they took the empty plates back to the kitchen.

Evelyn looked over at Hotch, hesitant.

“That would be great, buddy,” she said before looking back at Hotch. “Would you mind?”

“No, of course not.”

Jack’s grin was the brightest Hotch had seen in a long time.

Hotch knew of course about Evelyn’s competitive nature. They had been working together for years. He had seen enough games between her and Morgan to know that she liked to win. He still somehow didn’t expect that much competition to come out of her during his son’s soccer match.

She yelled from the sidelines, cheering for Jack and shouting at the ref and even exchanging glares with other parents. It was hard not to be distracted by her as Hotch tried to coach his team, trying to keep his laughing to a minimum. When the game ended, after Hotch had a word with the players, Jack ran straight for Evelyn. He stopped just in front of her, remembering what his dad had told him about not getting too close, and grinned up at her.

Evelyn put her hand on his head and ruffled his sandy blond hair.

“You were great out there, kid,” she said. “You got the most goals on your team.”

“We, uh, don’t usually keep score,” Hotch said as he walked over.

Evelyn looked up at him with the brightest smile.

“Well, I did and your team did a great job.”

One of the other moms walked over, her daughter and Jack immediately engaging in teasing and chatting about the game as they tried to kick each other in their still guarded shins.

“My name is Mary,” the mother said, reaching a hand out for Evelyn to shake. Evelyn startled, her heart rate spiking at Mary’s sudden movement. She recovered quickly, shaking Mary’s hand.

“Evelyn Caro.”

“Are you and Aaron-“

“We work together,” Hotch said.

Mary nodded her head.

“That explains the….”

She gestured toward Evelyn’s face before pausing and forced a smile.

“Right.”

Evelyn had forgotten how horrible her face must look. She had been absently rolling the scab on her lip between her teeth all day. Her bruised and cut cheek was sore, her other eye throbbing every now and again. The battered shape of her face hadn’t even crossed her mind while she offered to go to Jack’s game.

Evelyn looked over Hotch for assistance. His smile was still there, but thinner.

“Mary, how is your husband?” Hotch asked, clearly trying to direct the attention away from Evelyn. She was grateful for it.

She listened to their conversation with a smile until Jack walked back over to them and grabbed her by the hand. She turned to look at him with a smile. He beckoned for her to bend down and she did. Jack even stood on his toes so he could whisper in her ear.

“Can you ask Daddy if we can get McDonald’s on the way home?” He asked, his voice so quiet that Evelyn barely heard him.

Still, she let out a laugh and straightened her back.

“I can do that.”

Jack grinned and ran back toward his friends. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched him run away. She had met Jack only handful of times in the past, but he was such a light. He meant so much to Aaron that it was impossible for Evelyn not to love him, too. The poor boy had been through so much already.

“What did he want?” Hotch asked.

Evelyn turned back around to find that not only was Mary talking to Hotch, but three other unaccompanied women were hanging around as well. She resisted the urge to tease him about it right there. Teasing Hotch was also something new. She never would have done it before. Their relationship was strictly professional.

“Jack wants to go to McDonald’s on the way home,” Evelyn told Hotch.

“Ah,” Hotch said, his hands on his hips.

“The kids always do,” a blonde mother said, no ounce of amusement in her tone as she glanced at Evelyn.

“I suppose he thought you asking would make the likelihood of me saying yes higher?”

Evelyn shrugged. The other moms stood there, laughing joylessly, but Evelyn didn’t even see them.

They did stop at McDonald’s on the way home. Jack happily sang a song to himself in the backseat, munching on his apple slices and French fries. Evelyn was sitting in the passenger seat with one of her feet propped up on the dash.

“This feels like cheating,” Evelyn sighed, staring at the fries in her hands.

“How?” Hotch asked with a short laugh.

Evelyn shrugged, shoving the fries in her mouth.

“Something about it. They’re too good, I guess. There’s gotta be a downside.”

Hotch opened his mouth to say something but she held up her hand to stop him.

“You don’t have to profile my eating habits, Hotchner,” she said.

Hotch simply laughed.

When they got back from the game, Jack went to take a nap, leaving Evelyn and Hotch alone in the apartment.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I invited the team over to watch the game this afternoon,” Hotch said.

“Of course I don’t mind,” Evelyn said. “This is still your home.”

“Right.” Hotch nodded his head.

She dropped herself onto the couch, her eyes tired, but she had no desire to sleep, especially if the team was coming over.

But her eyes were beginning to droop against her better judgement. The apartment was quiet, she could barely hear Hotch moving around until there was the soft sound of music flitting through the room.

Hotch sat down at the table, trying to be far enough away from the sleeping woman on his couch to help her feel comfortable. Light music floated through the room as he sat, flipping through a book that he wasn’t really reading. It seemed like every three seconds, his eyes would move from his book to where Evelyn was sleeping. He justified it to himself, trying to tell himself it was just to make sure she wasn’t having another nightmare. Last night had been hard on all of them and he didn’t want a repeat. But there was something else that kept drawing his gaze to her.

She just looked so at peace. Like none of the thousands of terrible things in the world could touch her. Her breathing was short, but steady and there was almost a bit of a smile on her face. His hands were tense around the book, just waiting for her breathing to change to signal to him that she was going to a place in her mind where she didn’t want to be.

He was almost tempted to ask the others to not come to allow Evelyn the chance to sleep. But Hotch thought it was best to allow her the time to socialize with the people she loved. She needed to be surrounded by support at this time and Hotch knew he couldn’t possibly provide enough of it to be any help.

An hour and a half later, fifteen minutes before the others were due to arrive, Hotch walked over to where she slept on the couch. Again, he was tempted to just let her sleep. But he put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a light shake in hopes of rousing her.

“Caro,” he whispered.

She woke with a startled gasp, her eyes snapping open. Hotch was prepared for some kind of emotional response. He was ready in case she needed his help, but after the initial shock of being woken up, she sat up normally. Rubbing her eyes, Evelyn let out a yawn.

“Are they here?” She asked.

“Not yet,” Hotch said. “Soon. I’m going to wake up Jack. Will you be alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” There was a little bit of a scowl on her face as she continued to try and wake herself up. “Anything I can do to help get ready?”

Hotch was already halfway to Jack’s room, but he shook his head.

“Everyone else is bringing food. We’re off the hook for this one,” he told her before slipping into Jack’s room.

Evelyn forced herself off the couch, even though her bones were still stiff and tired. She straightened the cushions she slept on before rubbing her eyes again. She didn’t think she had dreamed, which was the first time she hadn’t in a very long time.

She was rubbing tension out of her neck when there was the first knock at the door.

Evelyn started and reached for the gun that should have been there but wasn’t. Her heart pounded in her chest, her hand still on her hip where her gun should have been. She wanted to move, but her muscles felt frozen. Eyes wide and body tense, Evelyn struggled to breathe. There was a tightness in her chest she couldn’t shake.

There was a knock at the door again, but she still couldn’t move.

“Caro, you okay?” Hotch asked as he came back from Jack’s room. “Evelyn?”

He stopped on his way to the door. She saw him standing there, staring at her, but all she could do was watch the door. Her body began to shake ever so slightly from the tension in her muscles.

“It’s just the team, Caro,” Hotch said, slowly putting his hands out toward her. “They’re not going to hurt you.”

Evelyn heard what he was saying, but something in her bones told her that it was a bad guy, someone who wanted to come in and hurt her, hurt Hotch, hurt Jack. She wouldn’t let that happen.

“Caro, I need you to look at me and just breathe,” Hotch was saying, taking a step toward her. There was another knock at the door and she flinched. “Look at me. Breathe.”

Evelyn sucked in one deep breath in through her nose before flickering her watery eyes away from the door and toward Hotch. He titled his head to the side, taking on a non-offensive stance. Her eyes strained to look at him.

“I’m going to open the door, okay?” Evelyn gave a sharp shake of her head, her body jerking forward but her feet not going anywhere. “I’m going to open the door. It’s going to be okay.”

He took a step toward the door and Evelyn shook her head again. Hotch turned away from her and kept walking toward the door.

“Hotch,” Evelyn said, her words just barely above a whisper.

When his hand touched the handle, Evelyn shook her head again, staring at the door unblinking. The door unlocked and the handle turned.

“Hotch-“

The door opened. Evelyn’s eyes widened even further, waiting for Ralph to be standing there on the other side.

But it was just Penelope and JJ and Emily, all grinning wildly.

Evelyn blinked her eyes hard and shook her head, dropping her hands back to her sides and relaxing her defensive stance.

“Come in,” Hotch was saying.

Evelyn forced a smile onto her face and went to greet her friends as they came in. She helped them set up the table with the food and drinks they brought.

“How are you doing?” JJ asked as she tore into the chips.

Evelyn sighed, still trying to smile.

“I’m doing okay,” she said.

“I might not be as good a profiler as any of you guys,” JJ said. “But I know you well enough to know when you’re lying.”

Evelyn turned to face her, leaning her hip against the table and crossing her arms.

“I am doing as well as you can imagine I’m doing,” Evelyn said. “But most of the time I’m doing okay.”

JJ put a hand on her friend’s arm and offered a small smile.

“If you ever need anything-“

“I know you’re always there for me, JJ,” Evelyn said. “I won’t ever forget it.”

JJ nodded and they turned back to the table. It was only a few more minutes before the boys arrived. After greeting Hotch and Emily, Morgan came straight for Evelyn, who was still at the table rearranging everything for the fifteenth time.

“I swear I’m going to lose it if you ask me if I’m okay, Derek Morgan,” Evelyn said, moving the napkins off the plates where she had just put them.

Morgan let out his signature laugh before throwing an arm over her shoulders.

“I know how you’re doing, so I don’t need to ask,” Morgan told her. “I just came over here to give you a hug.”

Evelyn let out a breath and turned toward him, eagerly putting her arms around his waist. There was safety in his arms. Her muscles were still tense from her moment before, and it felt impossible for her to relax and fall into normalcy with her friends. But with Morgan there, everything seemed to be at least a little bit okay.

“Keep fighting,” he whispered in her ear. “That’s how you win.”

Evelyn nodded her head. She pulled away and quickly swiped away a stray tear before wiping her hands on her jeans. She back at Morgan briefly with a strained smile, glad to see him smiling back.

“Let’s go sit,” Morgan said to her.

Evelyn sat herself on the very end of the couch, knowing how much her team loved to cram in together and not really feeling comfortable being stuck in between Morgan and JJ as they shouted back and forth at each other about their opposing sports opinions. She sat with her feet up on the couch and her knees pulled up to her chest.

Reid sat next to her, still and quiet.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hey, Reid.”

He didn’t say anything else. Evelyn didn’t really want him to. Still, she leaned toward him and put her head on his shoulder. Reid tensed for a moment, but then he relaxed.

“It’s good to have you back,” he whispered to her.

“It’s good to be back,” she whispered back.

A few minutes before the game had started, there was already yelling going on between Rossi and JJ about something Evelyn couldn’t really follow. Jack came out of his room, hair a mess and eyes looking tired.

“Hey, buddy!” Hotch said. “Come for some food?”

The newly awake Jack shook his head and hobbled over to Evelyn. She dropped her feet to the ground as he struggled to crawl into her lap. He dropped his head to her shoulder.

“You okay, kid?” she asked him, rubbing her hand up and down his back. He nodded and yawned.

A chip flew over her head that Morgan had definitely thrown at Rossi who sat in the chair next to Evelyn. Penelope was watching the commercials eagerly, shouting at everyone to quiet down. JJ had roped Emily into her argument with Rossi and Reid was telling Morgan something about some sports statistic that Morgan was desperately trying to refute.

Evelyn looked over at Hotch, who was watching them with a look in his eye that she couldn’t really read. She was usually good at reading Hotch, but every now and again, he’d get this look that she didn’t understand. When he noticed her looking, he gave her a smile and nodded his head.

Part way through the game, Jack left her lap to go and grab some food. She offered him her seat when he came back so that she could go over to the table for some food and a breather. Hotch met her there, scooping cheese dip onto his paper plate.

“Intense game,” Evelyn said, popping a grape into her mouth.

“Very.”

“Oh, come on!” Morgan yelled.

Evelyn laughed quietly to herself.

“If you need to step out-“

“I’m fine, Hotch, really,” she said, turning toward him. “Everything’s good. What happened earlier-“

“Was a completely normal reaction.” Evelyn was startled by his rebuttal interruption. “You’re allowed to have bad moments or even bad days.”

“I know that.”

“You’re also allowed to have fun.”

“I know that, too.”

Morgan stood up quickly from the couch, letting out half a expletive before remembering Jack was there and switching it up half way through.

“I really missed this, though,” Evelyn said through a laugh.

Hotch looked at her and then looked over at Morgan and let out a sigh.

“He was really worried about you,” Hotch told her, his hands tightening around the poor paper plate in his hand.

Evelyn nodded her head, looking down at the grapes in her hand.

“I thought I’d never see him again. I thought I’d never see any of you again,” she told him.

“You didn’t think we’d find you?”

“Oh, I knew you would,” she looked back over at him. “I just didn’t know if it would be soon enough.”

“Evelyn-“

“Evie, come look at this!” Penelope called, waving her over.

“Pardon me, Hotch.”

Hotch watched her walk away and kneel on the ground beside Garcia. They laughed about something. Smiling looked good on her, but he knew that it only ran so deep. He couldn’t wait for the day that smile would be real again. He just hoped he was there to see it.

By the time everyone left, the sun was almost down. They stayed long after the game, talking and laughing and throwing things at each other like a bunch of children. Penelope was the last to go, always asking for one last hug while Morgan waited for her just outside.

“I’ll see you soon, Pen,” Evelyn laughed, trying to push her friend toward the door.

“I hate leaving you,” Penelope said.

“I think I’m in the safest hands I can be.”

Penelope pulled away at that.

“You’re right.” She looked over at Hotch. “Hotch won’t let anything happen to you. You’re perfectly safe here.”

Evelyn gave her a smile.

“Exactly. Now, go. Morgan’s waiting for you.”

Penelope straightened her jacket and nodded her head.

“Right.” She turned and walked out the door. “Let’s go, Derek.”

Morgan offered one last wave, tossing an arm over Penelope’s shoulders. He sent a look Evelyn’s way that she read perfectly. If she needed anything….

Hotch shut the door and the apartment was silent. Evelyn let out a heavy breath.

“That was fun,” Jack said, laying on the couch.

“Time for bed for you, buddy,” Hotch said.

The team was generally good at cleaning up after themselves and taking the food that they had brought with them, but there was always a mess to clean up afterward. The few times Evelyn had one of these gatherings at her own place taught her this well enough. Hotch walked Jack toward his room while Evelyn turned to start cleaning.

“You don’t have to do that,” Hotch said, emerging from his son’s room as Evelyn pulled the full trash bag out of the trash can.

“I won’t be able to sleep knowing this place is a mess,” she told him.

It was these quiet moments when it was just the two of them that Evelyn felt the most exposed, the most terrified. Not that he would hurt her because she knew he never would, but just knowing that all of his attention was on her made her almost sick to her stomach.

“I’ll take the trash to the can outside,” Hotch said, walking toward her.

“Alright.”

She handed the bag off to him, his fingers just barely grazing over her hand. Evelyn elected not to look up at him as electricity crackled up her arm. She breathed in deeply and turned toward the couch.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he said. He took a few steps away from her and Evelyn just nodded her head.

She didn’t look at him as he left the room. With a pounding heart, Evelyn sat slowly onto the couch, shutting her eyes and breathing deeply until she dropped her head into her hands.

What was wrong with her? She had always been able to keep her emotions under control around Hotch. Always. Even when he was talking about Hayley, even when he cared so deeply about people it made him rage, even when he did that thing with his eyes that silenced even the haughtiest narcissist, even when he gave her a look that put all other looks to shame. She had always kept her cool because that was what she had trained herself to do.

But now her training was backfiring on her. Her training was making her think danger was there when it wasn’t. Her training was making her question the movements of everyone she loved. Her training was taking her sleep from her. Her training was crumbling and slowly revealing that terrified girl that lay underneath.

Evelyn opened her eyes, hoping to think of absolutely anything else than the heat in her cheeks and the pounding of her heart in her stomach.

Maybe keeping her eyes closed may have been better because as soon as her eyes were open, they landed on Hotch’s bag propped up against the coffee table. Someone must have moved it during the game. Sticking out of the top was a file. There was no name on the file, but Evelyn knew it was hers, or at least from the last job they’d done, which was hers.

Instinct took over and she bent down, snatching the yellow folding from his bag. It was thick, thicker than she’d have liked. Laying it on the table, her suspicions were confirmed as she flipped open the first page. It was this last case and the very first picture on it was the one they took in the hospital when she first arrived.

Evelyn didn’t realize how terrible she looked until just then. She was thin, trembling. Her hair was matted with blood. She looked dirty, covered in blood and bruises. Evelyn gagged, covering her mouth with her hand. That was how all of her friends had seen her that day. The thought made her shiver.

The picture just underneath it was the one they had taken when she was a kid. The similarities in the pictures made her even sicker.

She shuffled through the files, eyes scanning the pages just like Reid had taught her, until she found Hotch’s report.

She pulled it out, hands shaking as she held it in front of her. She had always wondered how Hotch managed to write these reports, summing up everything they went through during the case in just a few short pages.

Her throat swelled as she read through the beginning. She read about the women Ralph killed, how they were assaulted and murdered, how the team discovered it was Ralph. She read through them deciding to send Evelyn into the meeting to find Ralph and lure him in. She didn’t know then that he was the step kid of her uncle. If she had, she wouldn’t have gone in there empty handed.

Then she read how they had found out she was missing and what they did to find her. Her heart plummeted into her stomach, dropping from her chest like a ton of rocks. She lifted a hand to cover her mouth, hoping swallow the sob that was threatening to come from her mouth. Sitting in that attic, Evelyn had wondered what the point of killing those other women was. She had spent hours pouring over ideas. She thought him running into her was an accident, pure coincidence. This case already put her on edge, seeing as it took place in the very same town she grew up in.

But the team had solved it. They had figured it out. All those women that Ralph had killed….

Tears clouded her vision, but she refused to blink. A quiet moan of distress came from her. She didn’t even hear the door of the apartment open.

“Evelyn?”

She didn’t jump at the sound of Hotch’s voice. Instead, she turned toward him slowly, those same tears gathered in her eyes.

“It’s my fault,” she said, holding the report in her hands. The tears dropped from her lashes, hitting her cheeks with the strength of a butterfly.

“It’s not.”

“It is!” Hotch let out a defeated breath. “It says right here that-“

“That report says Ralph Bennet made the decision to assault and murder those four women.”

“Because of me!”

Hotch walked over to her and sat on the couch beside her, but not too close.

“Did you kill those women, Caro?”

“No, but-“

“No, you didn’t.”

“Hotch, he killed them because I knew them. He killed them because he knew it would lure me in. If I hadn’t-“

“What? If you hadn’t what?” She was quiet. “If you hadn’t killed your uncle? You did what you had to do to survive, Evelyn. No one will fault you for that.”

“If I hadn’t….” she trailed off, staring at the paper with her teary eyes.

“If you hadn’t come with us to solve this case? More women would have died.”

“I fell right into his trap,” she whispered, her hands tightening around the paper. “I didn’t even know he existed, and he knew me well enough to set the trap and just wait for me to walk right into it. I can’t believe I was that stupid.”

“Do you want to know what that tells me?”

She looked up at him.

“You returned to a town where you had been traumatized to help bring justice to these women. You went into that meeting trying to catch a killer. You stayed alive long enough for us to find you using clues that you gave us.” Evelyn sniffed, wiping the underside of her nose with the back of her hand. “You’re not stupid, Evelyn. You’re the bravest person I have ever met.”

She looked over at Hotch again, her lower lip trembling.

“They died for me,” she said and took in a shaky breath. A tear slid down her nose. “How do I repay them for that?”

Hotch was quiet for a moment and heaved out a sigh, just allowing him time to think of a proper answer.

“You live,” he told her. “You survive this and carry on for them.”

Evelyn closed her eyes. She was hearing him and her brain was telling her that he was right, but her heart wasn’t believing him. She couldn’t believe him.

Without saying anything, Evelyn pushed herself off the couch and made for the door, hoping to escape before he could see the tears that were threatening to run from her eyes again.

“Caro, where are you going?” Hotch asked, standing after her.

“I need some air,” she replied as she struggled with the lock on the door.

“I’ll come with you.”

“I need to be alone right now,” she said, finally getting the door open.

Hotch put his hand on the door and pushed it shut. Evelyn froze, keeping her hand on the doorknob.

“You’re not going anywhere by yourself.”

Evelyn turned around slowly. Hotch was looming over her, his hand still on the door to keep her from opening it again.

“Let me out, Hotch.”

“You’re not a prisoner here, but you’re not going out there alone.”

She stared at Hotch unblinkingly. Evelyn’s breathing started to speed up, her chest rising and falling rapidly, but it wasn’t anger or fear that made her heart rate spike.

“Why not?”

“What do you mean, why not?”

Evelyn knew she was poking the bear, but she felt like she had to. Poke the bear yourself, make it roar on your terms before it decides to do it itself.

“Why can’t I go out there alone? You think I can’t handle myself?”

“No, I know you can-“

“Then why won’t you let me leave?”

“Because I want you to be safe.”

The calmness of his voice made her even angrier. It made her want to poke harder.

There was a gaping wound in her soul and it was still gushing blood. Hotch was trying to patch it up, help her to heal, but he was getting too close to the only thing that kept her breathing. He was getting too close to the wound and she was terrified of the idea of him seeing her, feeling her, so she recoiled. She would snap at him until he left her alone. Until he left her wound bleed in peace.

“Why did you come for me?”

“Why did we come for you?” Hotch repeated, astounded by her question. “You’re part of the team. Why wouldn’t we come for you?”

“I’m not asking about the team, Aaron. I’m asking about you.”

Hotch straightened at the sound of his first name. She knew why. She’d done it on purpose. She needed to convince him she was angry. That was the only way to keep him at bay.

“I couldn’t just let you rot there; the team needs you.”

“The team?” She let out a bitter laugh before pushing past him and stalking into the middle of the room. “It’s always about the team with you, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“I could have died in that house, Aaron, and all you can come up with is the team needed me and that’s why you came?”

She hated the taste her words left in her mouth. She hated saying them. But she had to. She had to push him away if she had any hope for surviving. She had tied her heart to his and if she didn’t severe it now….

There was real anger in his eyes at her words. Finally, an emotion. A chink in his armor.

“If you had died in that house, I would have killed that bastard myself!”

Evelyn sucked in a sharp breath. It was so rare to see an emotion on Aaron Hotchner. In the last few days alone, she had seen more from him than she had ever seen in all her years working with him; fear, joy, grief, anger, relief. And it was mostly because of her.

“Enough with the team needs me bullshit.” Evelyn dropped the tone of her voice. “I’m going for a walk.”

She turned her back on him and walked toward the front door. She made it all the way there, her hand on the doorknob before Hotch spoke again.

“I need you.”

Evelyn froze, her hand glued to the doorknob as if it was ice and her hand was burning hot. Her blood ran cold and her heart stopped in her chest.

“What?”

“You don’t accept that you’re a vital member of the team as a worthy reason for us to come and help you? Fine.” There it was again, anger in Hotch’s voice. His dark eyebrows were pulled together. “I need you.”

Evelyn had started this argument because she needed to keep his hands away from the wound she was nursing, the wound that every breath seemed to tear open a little bit more. His kindness and compassion were just insult to injury. But his sincerity in this moment punched through every wall around her wound that she had been attempting to build up in the last few minutes.

He said it like he would say any other truth. He said it like he would say anything during a case; without a hint of uncertainty.

She turned toward him. For the first time in a while, she felt no shame as tears glimmered in her eyes.

“You mean it?” She asked, pulling on the edges of her sleeve.

“Have I ever lied to you before?”

“I mean when, Emily-“ Evelyn stopped herself and cleared her throat. “No. You haven’t.”

Hotch stood there, clearly not wanting to say anything else that would set her off. Evelyn bowed her head, let her hand fall away from the doorknob, and she crossed the room, putting her arms around his waist before he even realized that she was coming toward him.

Hotch was frozen for a second, her change in mood so rapid that he almost couldn’t register it. Evelyn’s eyes were screwed shut as she prayed that he wouldn’t reject her embrace, though she could understand if he did. But, eventually, he put his arms around her, pulling her in closer and she could finally relax.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, letting the tears stream down her face, fast and hot. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know,” he told her, his words just as quiet.

“Please don’t give up on me.”

“I won’t.”

“I’m trying.”

Hotch knew from the report what happened with her parents after she had escaped from her uncle. He knew how they turned their back on her in the following months. She had come back to them after four years, after killing her father’s brother, and she wasn’t the little girl they had lost anymore. They reported anger issues, lashing out, screaming and hitting and breaking things. They told authorities they couldn’t handle her anymore. They just didn’t know what to do.

But Hotch also knew that she was a child who was cut so deeply by someone she trusted and that she deserved to be loved and protected by her family no matter what. No matter how loudly she screamed, no matter the mess she made, they should have loved her. They should have fought for her just as hard as she was fighting to survive. He wouldn’t abandon her like they did.

“I promise not to give up on you if you promise me not to give up on yourself,” he told her.

Evelyn nodded her head.

“Promise,” she said.

___

The following months were hard. Moving back into her own apartment where it was quiet and the silence was deafening was the hardest part. When there was no one to wake her from her nightmares or hold her while she cried, when there was no Jack to make her laugh even when she wanted to cry, when there was just her and the mirror. She hated being back home. She wanted to back at the Hotchner’s, but she knew she couldn’t impose on them any longer.

There were days when her promise to Hotch was the only thing that kept her going. He had made her promise not to give up on herself and she would be damned before she disappointed Hotch again. So, she fought, tooth and nail, just to stay afloat. Some days, that looked like lying in bed and letting the tears fall. Some days, that looked like calling Morgan or Penelope and asking them to play a board game with her. Some days, that looked like running until she couldn’t breathe. Some days, that looked like dancing around her apartment at 3 am.

Slowly, she began to remember what it was like to feel alive. And she started to love it again.

The day she came back to work, the smile on her face reached deep into that wound in her soul. It wasn’t healed, but it was better. It didn’t hurt to breathe anymore.

The team acted like she knew they would on her first case. Hotch didn’t let her go anywhere by herself. Someone had to be by her side at all times. It was suffocating, but she knew it was for the best.

By the time the case was finished and the guy arrested, Evelyn almost felt like herself again. This is what she was meant to be doing. She wasn’t supposed to be sitting by herself in her room all day, wasting away. The field was in her blood. It was part of her.

They all went out to dinner that night and everything was right in the world again. Evelyn used to sit in her apartment, Hotch and Morgan and Garcia sending her updates as they went. She knew when she got the triple text that the case was over that they’d be going out to eat, celebrating, having a laugh to cope with everything they had seen. And she would sit in her dark apartment.

But now she was in the right place. They went to a pub downtown. She ordered fries and a coke with a little cherry on top. Morgan made fun of her for smothering her fries in ketchup. She stole a bite of Emily’s pasta as she talked to Rossi. Life had returned to normal, and it was just what she needed.

The next few cases went the same way. Hotch began to trust her being alone again, allowing her to have the space she needed to do her job. There were cases where she needed to step into the bathroom and cry. There were times when she stayed behind with the local police because she couldn’t even think about going in without panicking. And the nights in her apartment alone were the worst.

But as long as she was on a case with her team, things were actually okay. She could push away her fear and the anxiety that made her bones rattle and her muscles freeze. She could go back to be Agent Evelyn Caro, where she was at her best.

Almost a year passed. Evelyn knew that the anniversary fear was a thing, but she was determined to be fine. The case they came in for was the farthest away from anything that could remind her of what she went through. Men were being taken and killed. The pattern was easy to solve, the profile quick to figure out. Everything was going to be okay.

Until Hotch and Evelyn were hunting the killer on their own. Evelyn was walking through a suspect’s house with her gun drawn, knowing that Hotch was upstairs doing the same thing. There was a thud coming from the second floor.

“Hotch?” Evelyn called out. “You okay?”

There was no reply. Her heart started to seize.

“Hotch?”

Walking toward the stairs, her gun drawn, Evelyn told herself to breathe. She would be no help to Hotch if she was panicking. She took one step up the stairs before a sudden and sharp pain exploded against the side of her head, sending her into the wall, knocking her unconscious.

When Evelyn woke up, she was in a basement. Her head squeezed and ached, jaw stiff. She shook her head and forced her eyes open.

Sitting across the room from her, still unconscious, was her boss.

“Hotch!”

Evelyn scrambled over to him, barely standing at all before she dropped to the ground next to him.

“Hotch, hey, you good?”

She saw him breathing, so that was something, but he was unresponsive to her voice. She shook his shoulders, but still he slept.

“Please don’t fire me,” Evelyn whispered before pulling her hand back and slapping him across the face.

Hotch gasped and his eyes flew open, his body falling over to the side.

“Oh, thank God,” Evelyn breathed.

“Did you slap me?” Hotch asked her, sitting back up.

“You wouldn’t wake up.”

“So you slapped me?”

Evelyn shrugged as Hotch rubbed his jaw with his hand.

“Remind me to never piss you off,” he told her. Evelyn felt herself almost smile. “Where are we?”

Evelyn looked around the basement and let out a heavy breath.

“Not sure,” she said. “We got the profile wrong, didn’t we?”

Hotch nodded his head and used the support beam in the middle of the room to push himself upward.

“There was a woman. I thought she was hurt, but….”

“She got the drop on the mighty Aaron Hotchner? I’m impressed.” Evelyn teased, needed to joke about something before her brain exploded from the pain or the panic she felt growing in her bones took over completely.

Hotch looked down at Evelyn with a stern look that told her maybe joking wasn’t his favorite way to cope with being kidnapped. Evelyn pursed her lips and pushed herself onto her feet.

“Lions got me, I think,” Evelyn told him, using the support beam to keep her standing.

“So there are two of them and one of them is a woman.” Hotch breathed out a sigh. “How does that change the profile?”

“We know that the men were chosen because Lions wanted something they had.”

“Position, status, money-“

“A certain woman.”

Hotch turned to look at Evelyn, who was scanning the basement as if it would hold the answers. There were blood stains on the ground. This was definitely where the victims were killed. There was a door at the top of the stairs, but if these guys were any good at what they did, the door would be locked.

“You think his partner could have been the wife of one of the victims?” Hotch asked.

Evelyn looked back at him and shrugged.

“A wife, a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter. Maybe the person he wants to take her from isn’t even dead yet, but he’s the reason Lions is killing.”

“Why would she help him?”

Evelyn breathed out again.

“Maybe she feels trapped where she’s at and he’s got her convinced this is the only way to save her? If she feels completely dependent on him, she might just do whatever he says.”

“Even kill?”

Evelyn shrugged her shoulders again, but they both knew that the answer was yes. A woman caught in a corner was just as capable of killing as anyone else.

“Well, that’s good then,” Hotch said, putting his hands on his hips.

“How is any of that good?”

“It means I’m the one they want, not you,” Hotch said.

Evelyn’s eyebrows pinched together.

“That really doesn’t sound good, Hotch.”

“You can get through to the partner, Caro,” Hotch said, walking back toward her. Evelyn narrowed her eyes even further at him.

“Maybe, yes.”

“Good. That will get us out of here.”

He turned away from her again. He pulled off his blazer and loosened his tie and the temperature in the room raised about fourteen degrees. Evelyn had to shake away her imagination before responding.

“And what are you going to do?”

“What they brought me here for.”

___

“Please, stop!”

The female unsub, Rosalie, held tight to Evelyn’s arms, holding her back as the male unsub, Jeremy Lions, pounded his fist into Hotch’s face.

“You think you’re so strong,” Hotch laughed, taunting Lions. “Don’t you?”

Lions hit Hotch in the face again.

“You have to stop him,” Evelyn said to Rosalie. “No one else can get through to him.”

“He’s doing what he has to to keep us safe,” Rosalie whispered to Evelyn, but despite the strength in her arms, her voice was weak. “Your friend just needs to give in. It’ll be easier that way.”

Lions hit Hotch again and Evelyn cried out, pulling against Rosalie.

“Shut her up, Rose!”

“Shh, shh,” Rosalie whispered in Evelyn’s ear, holding her right from behind. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“No!” Evelyn struggled against the woman holding her, jerking her shoulders in hopes of breaking free.

“You really think that any of this will earn you manhood, Lions?” Hotch said with a laugh, turning the unsub’s gaze back onto him and away from Evelyn.

Lions hit Hotch in the face again.

“Stop it, damnit!”

Lions whirled around and backhanded Evelyn in attempts to get her to quiet down. Rosalie gasped and let Evelyn fall to the ground.

“Jeremy! You said we wouldn’t hurt her!”

Lions let out a growl and grabbed onto Rosalie’s arm, dragging her out of the basement and leaving Hotch and Evelyn behind.

“You need to get through to Rosalie, Caro,” Hotch said as soon as she took a single step toward him.

“I am,” she huffed. Hotch raised an eyebrow at her. “She doesn’t want me to get hurt, that much is clear. If she associates you getting hurt with me getting hurt, she’ll push for Lions to hurt you less.”

Hotch nodded his head once, stretching out his jaw.

“You trust me, right?” Hotch said.

“Of course.” Evelyn’s response was immediate.

“Good.”

That night, they slept in the basement on opposite sides of the room, even though it was freezing cold. Saying they slept was an over exaggeration. Evelyn could barely even close her eyes. It was the cold that kept her eyes frozen open, but it was also the reality of it all. She was trapped, once again. She was a prisoner, once again. She was at the mercy of a man, once again.

And Hotch was here but she had never felt more alone.

The door creaked open and Evelyn sat up with a gasp. She shuffled backward, away from the door, but it was just Rosalie walking down the wooden stairs. The woman locked the door behind her, but still flinched.

“Hi,” Rosalie whispered as she neared. There was a cup and a plate in her hand. She watched the sleeping Hotch as she walked by, only turning her attention back to Evelyn once she passed him.

“Hi,” Evelyn whispered back, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“I…I’m not going to hurt you,” Rosalie said. She lowered herself to the ground a few feet away from her. Rosalie set the cup and the plate down and scooted it closer to Evelyn.

Evelyn looked between the food and the woman.

“You need to eat.” Rosalie’s voice was soft. Kindly.

Evelyn straightened her back and lifted her chin, giving a slight shake of the head.

“I’m not hungry.”

Rosalie let out a sigh and turned to look over at Hotch, who still slept soundly.

“Saving it for him won’t do anything for either of you,” Rosalie said, almost sadly. “Only one of you is making it out of here. I think you know which one it’s going to be.”

___

“Here, eat.” Evelyn pushed the plate of cold potatoes and toast in his direction, the cup of water sitting on top. Hotch raised an eyebrow at her. “Rosalie came in last night. Brought us some food.”

“Did you eat?” He asked her, sitting up from his sleeping position.

Evelyn nodded her head.

“Caro-“

“I ate, Hotch,” she said, a little more harshly than she meant to. “You need to keep your strength if we’re going to have a repeat of yesterday.”

Hotch almost laughed as he hooked his finger over the edge of the plate and slid it toward himself. Evelyn watched, her stomach gurgling as he took a bite out of the bread.

“Stale toast is just ravishing, isn’t it?” Evelyn asked as she leaned up against the wall he also sat against. Hotch hummed his response. He ate slowly, took a sip of water.

“How are you?” He asked.

Evelyn rolled her head against the wall to look over at him.

“Just peachy, Hotchner. How are you?”

“I’m serious. How are you doing?”

Evelyn let out a sigh, looked up at the ceiling, and closed her eyes.

“Taking it one breath at a time,” she said. “I’ll deal with the aftermath once we’re out of here.”

Evelyn looked over at him again and attempted a half-cocked smile. Hotch wasn’t smiling. He was staring at her, staring right through her smile and her outer shell of calmness and straight into her soul where her wound was, her wound that was slowly starting to heal.

“I’ll be okay, Aaron,” she said, dropping her smile. “Promise.”

Hotch nodded his head and turned away from her.

“Don’t do anything stupid today, Caro,” he told her.

“Do I ever?”

___

“I told you not to do anything stupid,” Hotch sighed as Evelyn let out a hiss of pain.

“I didn’t realize that trying to stop you from dying was considered something stupid.”

“It is when you get put in harm’s way.”

Evelyn held a strip of her shirt against her bleeding nose. Hotch rolled up his sleeves.

“We’ve got two days left here,” Hotch said, pacing back and forth in front of Evelyn.

“The team will find us,” Evelyn replied. She lowered the piece of her shirt and scrunched her nose before stretching it out again.

“I don’t doubt it.”

The sun went down sooner than Evelyn thought it would, meaning she had slept longer than she thought she had.

“You should sleep,” Hotch said.

“I’m not tired.”

“He won’t hurt you, Caro.”

The dark concealed Hotch’s face from her, even though he was only a few feet away. Evelyn shifted uncomfortably.

“I know.”

“If I don’t make it out of here-“

“Hotch, stop. We’re both going to walk out of here just fine.”

“But if I don’t, promise to take care of Jack.” Evelyn breathed in deeply, ready to shake her head and tell him again that they were going to both survive this. “Promise me.”

Instead of arguing, which she knew would get them nowhere, Evelyn nodded her head.

“I promise.”

Hotch didn’t say anything else. Evelyn didn’t sleep. The change in his breathing after a while told her that he had fallen asleep.

She didn’t know how long it was before the door creaked open. Evelyn startled and sat up straighter, gasping in a breath. But it was just Rosalie, coming down with more food. This time, she didn’t say anything. She sat right next to Evelyn and set the food between them.

“You have to eat,” she said finally.

Evelyn reached out and took the cup of water and brought it to her parched lips. She drank some, but set it down before it was finished.

“You don’t have to save it for him.”

Evelyn turned her head to look at Rosalie.

“He’s my friend. I’m not going to let him starve.”

Rosalie was quiet for a moment.

“I think he’s more than that.”

“How did you meet Jeremy?” Evelyn asked. She thought she saw a smile on Rosalie’s lips.

“I lived with my brother and his wife as their live-in nanny of sorts. Jeremy worked for them as a gardener. My father kept me locked up my entire life and when he died, my brother took over. His sister’s keeper or something. But Jeremy he…. he made me feel free and alive and seen. And so, so loved.”

Rosalie stopped there, her smile lingering for a few moments before falling.

“But he changed, didn’t he?”

Rosalie nodded her head slowly, her lower lip curling and tears starting to run down her cheeks. Evelyn just let her cry for a few moments, until the woman collected herself. She sucked in a sob and stuffed her hands full of her dress.

“He took me from my brother’s house, brought me here,” Rosalie said. “Said he needed my help.”

“He used you to lure in men that he saw as superior to himself so that he could kill them.”

Rosalie nodded again, tears still rolling from her eyes.

“I never wanted to…I tried to tell him that I love him as he is…that he doesn’t need to-“

“Rosalie, listen to me. Nothing you could ever do will convince him of that because his issues have nothing to do with you,” Evelyn said, turning to face her.

“I don’t….”

“Jeremy Lions may love you, Rosalie, but he is very sick. He is not killing people to be a better man for you, no matter what he has told you. He feels inferior so he thinks he has to kill to be superior. That’s why he wanted Hotch.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

Evelyn heaved out a breath.

“Hotchner is everything Jeremy thinks he’s lacking. Confident, strong. He’s got a high-ranking job. He’s respected by his peers. He’s good looking and has a nice home and great friends. Jeremy doesn’t think he has any of this and he wants it, which is why he wants to hurt Hotchner.”

“To take something he doesn’t think he has.”

Evelyn sucked in a breath and reached forward to take Rosalie’s hands in hers.

“No matter what you do, Rosalie, you will never be enough for him, do you understand? He has you, he has love, but that will never be enough for him.”

“No, no!” Rosalie stood up quickly. “No. Once we’re married, everything will be okay. We’ll buy a new house. Live a happy life.”

“Rosalie-“

“No! You’re wrong.”

“Rosalie….”

“You’re wrong!”

Rosalie hurried out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Evelyn shut her eyes again. With a growl, she pounded her knuckles into the hard concrete ground.

“You okay?”

Hotch was barely awake, his voice gravelly and tired.

“I’m okay, Hotch, go back to sleep.”

He grumbled something and was soon asleep again. Evelyn could do nothing but sigh. Still, she didn’t sleep.

The next day went no better than the last. It was night again before Evelyn knew it. She sat on the ground, head between her knees. Hotch stood, leaning up against the support beam in the middle of the room.

“You’re not sleeping,” he said. Evelyn didn’t move. “Talk to me.”

“I told you, I’ll deal with it after we get out of here,” she told him, her words muffled by her knees.

Hotch walked toward her and let out a groan as he lowered himself to the ground.

“You can sleep,” he told her, his words even quieter than they were before. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

Evelyn lifted her head finally to look at him.

“That’s not why I’m not sleeping,” she said, which was partially a lie. She didn’t sleep because she needed to be aware at all times. She couldn’t risk nodding off and letting her guard down. But there was another part to it.

“What’s bothering you?” he asked her.

“I thought I was going to die alone in that house, Aaron.” Her voice was thick with tears. “Twice. I stay awake because I can’t stand the thought of dying alone. And if you die while I’m sleeping-“

Hotch reached out and took her hand in his. When she looked over at him, he was staring straight ahead, not looking at her. She let out a shaky sigh and let him lace his fingers through hers. It was all the comfort that she needed.

“You’re not going to die alone,” Hotch told her. “You’re not going to die here at all.”

Evelyn nodded and let a few of the tears in her eyes fall, grateful for the darkness to cover her face. She lowered her head slowly to his shoulder, damning all protocol to hell, if there even was protocol for maybe dying in a basement with your boss. When Hotch didn’t immediately pull away from her or shake her off his shoulder, she settled in and shut her eyes.

“You’re not dying here either,” she said. “Not if I can help it.”

For the first time in days, Evelyn slept.

She awoke to someone grabbing hold of her hand. Her first thought was that it was Hotch squeezing her in his sleep. But when she gasped and opened her eyes, she found that it was just Rosalie sitting in front of her. It was still dark outside. She thought that the woman had brought her more food, but she turned out to be wrong.

“We have to go,” Rosalie whispered. “We have to go.”

“What?”

“Shh, shh,” Rosalie put a shaking finger to her lips and pulled on Evelyn’s hand. “You were right. We have to go now.”

Rosalie pulled Evelyn to her feet, dragging her toward the door before she was even fully awake.

“Wait, stop,” Evelyn whispered, trying to shake herself awake.

“No, now! This is the only chance you have.”

Rosalie dragged Evelyn out of the basement doors and up the stairs into the house above. It wasn’t the same house that Hotch and Evelyn had been searching before, she could tell that even in the dark.

“Where are you taking me, Rosalie?”

“You have to get out of here, now! Jeremy doesn’t want to kill you, but he will,” Rosalie said, pulling her through the rundown and dirty home.

“Stop. Stop!” Evelyn dug her heels into the ground and forced Rosalie to stop. “I’m not leaving Aaron.”

“You don’t have time!” There was nothing but pure desperation in Rosalie’s voice. “Jeremy knows I left. He’s coming here. You have to go now or you’re not going at all.”

Evelyn wrenched her arm out of Rosalie’s grip.

“I’m not leaving him.”

“Jeremy will kill you.” Rosalie sounded desperate, terrified.

Evelyn shook her head and took a step backward.

“I don’t care. I’m not leaving him.” Rosalie’s shoulders sagged in defeat. “Go. Call the police. Tell them where we are.”

Rosalie nodded her head.

“Go.”

Without another word, Rosalie turned around and ran from the house.

Evelyn watched her go. Her heart rate spiked when headlights flashed through the front window. All she could do for Rosalie was hope that she found some place to hide until Lions entered the house. If Lions was here, this was it. He was coming for Hotch.

Evelyn ran back to the basement as quietly as she could. She shut the basement door, hearing it lock with a heart wrenching click, just as the front door opened. She hurried down the stairs and dropped to the ground next to Hotch, startling him awake.

“What’s going on?” Hotch asked, still sounding stuck in sleep.

“Lions is here,” Evelyn whispered to him. “Rosalie is gone, she’s calling the police.”

“How-“

“We need a plan and quick,” Evelyn told him.

“We don’t know how long it will take for the police to respond,” Hotch replied quietly, his voice surprisingly calm. This might be his last few moments on earth, and he wasn’t terrified or angry or anxious. He was just calm. “All of his attention will be on me. You can escape then.”

She shook her head.

“I’m not leaving you here.”

“This isn’t a time for heroics.”

“That’s not what this is about.”

Before Hotch could argue, Evelyn pushed herself to her feet.

“What are you doing?” Hotch asked, standing after her.

“Like you said, Lions’ attention will all be on you. He won’t be expecting me.”

“Caro-“

She sunk into the shadows just as the door of the basement opened. Lions trudged down the stairs, grumbling to himself.

At the bottom of the stairs, he turned toward Hotch.

“Where’s the girl?” Lions asked, his voice low and gruff.

Hotch was silent.

“Doesn’t matter,” the unsub grumbled to himself. With his back to her completely, Lions started for Hotch. Evelyn would make sure he never reached him.

She crept out from her shadows, walking toward Lions. The ever present ache in her head from when Lions knocked her out didn’t even stop her. She was silent as she moved until she was right up behind him. In one quick motion, Evelyn kicked the back of his knee, dropping him to the ground before wrapping her arm around his neck.

Lions struggled against Evelyn. He was strong and she was weak from days with little food and water as well as the head injury. But she held on as tight to his neck as she could.

Hotch ran to check the basement door, but Lions had closed it, leaving it locked.

As he did so, Evelyn was so focused on keeping her grip on Lions, that she didn’t see his hand moving toward his pocket. He pulled out a knife and rammed it into her shin. She cried out, falling back and away from Lions.

“Evelyn!”

Hotch turned away from the door and ran back toward her as Lions stumbled away. Evelyn fell back against the support beam, lowering herself to the ground as she pressed her hands against the cut on her leg.

Hotch ran toward Evelyn, but Lions intercepted him. Fire spread throughout Evelyn’s leg, dark blood seeping through her fingers. She clenched her jaw in hopes of easing the pain. Hotch and Lions tumbled, a blur of bodies that Evelyn once again couldn’t distinguish. This scene was all too familiar to her.

Hotch was trained, but he was weak. Lions relied mostly on his size and strength, but lacked any formal training. Evelyn needed to get back into the fight, that was the only way Hotch would win this.

With a groan of effort and a sharp stabbing pain shooting through her leg, Evelyn forced herself to stand. Using the support beam as her support as well, she allowed herself a few moments to breathe through the pain before lurching forward.

Lions had Hotch pinned against the wall, his arm across his chest to keep him there. Evelyn hurtled toward Lions, pushing through the pain in her leg and barreled into him. This knocked him off balance. Being unable to stop herself once she started, she and Lions tumbled over each other until they were both on the ground. Hotch started forward to help Evelyn to her feet, but Lions had an arm around her waist and the knife pressed to her neck before either of them could really react.

“Back off,” Lions said, his voice even more gruff than before. Blood dribbled down from a broken nose and he wheezed, telling Evelyn that Hotch had hit him enough times near the diaphragm to knock the wind out of him.

The cool of the metal knife pressed against Evelyn’s throat didn’t scare her. Especially when she met Hotch’s gaze. That dead calm he always put forward she now felt flow through her veins. Everything was going to be okay, she could see it in his eyes. Evelyn breathed as shallowly as she could, trying to keep her throat from extending too far into the knife.

Lions pushed himself off the ground and brought Evelyn up with him. The knife cut into the first few layers of her throat and Evelyn flinched, feel the cool of her own blood dribble down her neck. Hotch put his hands in the air, trying to show that he meant Lions no harm.

“She’s not a part of this,” Hotch said. “You know that, Lions.”

“She’s a bitch is what she is,” Lions snapped, pressing the knife harder against Evelyn’s neck.

Hotch flinched forward and Evelyn shut her eyes.

“You want me, Lions, not her.” This was the calmness that Evelyn had never understood before. Her negotiation skills had never been good. Hotch said that she was too emotional. She cared too much and it was too easy to read in her voice. But Hotch was too good at pretending not to care at all. “Let her go and I’ll go with you.”

“No, Hotch-“

“Shut up,” Lions seethed in her ear. “You don’t get to talk.”

“Is that how you treat Rosalie, huh?” Evelyn asked, her hands on his arm that held the knife to her throat. “You call her a bitch and tell her shut up?”

“Be quiet!”

Evelyn could feel blood soak into her shirt, weighing it down.

“Lions, look at me,” Hotch said, pulling his attention away from Evelyn. “You can let her go.”

Evelyn felt her wounded leg start to grow numb and her balance shifted. In not too long, she wasn’t sure that she would be able to keep herself standing upright.

The door behind them burst open and Evelyn let out a gasp. Lions flinched and loosened his grip on her just enough that she broke free from him and stumbled forward, right into Hotch.

“Jeremy Lions, drop the knife and put your hands in the air!” Emily Prentiss said, her voice deep and commanding.

Evelyn’s leg gave out, every ounce of weight put on it causing a shooting pain up and down her entire body. Hotch held her up by her arms, her back pressed against his chest. He was the only thing keeping her standing and she could barely even do that.

Lions didn’t turn around, but he put his hands up in the air.

“Rosalie did this,” he said, his voice deadly low.

“Drop the knife, Lions,” Emily said again.

“You turned her against me.” Lions shifted his angered eyes away from Hotch and onto Evelyn. “You did.”

“I don’t want to shoot you, Lions, but I will.”

“You turned her against me!”

Lions took half a step toward them, the knife now facing her. Hotch turned Evelyn away, preparing to step between them, but Emily fired a single shot, the bullet tearing right through Lions’ shoulder. He fell to the ground with a cry of pain, the knife falling out of his grip.

Evelyn, still unable to stand on her own, turned to Hotch, her neck still bleeding.

“Are you okay?” she asked him, noting the bruises on his face.

“Are you guys alright?” Emily asked, her gun trained on Lions.

“We need a medic,” Hotch said. Emily nodded her head, her eyes flickering down the cut in Evelyn’s shin and neck.

Emily relayed the information through her earpiece, as well as saying the offender was down. Evelyn stayed leaned up against Hotch, his hands clinging to her arms to keep her steady, as Emily took Lions away in handcuffs.

Morgan and Reid came running into the basement along with the paramedics.

“Evie,” Morgan stepped toward her and she just smiled.

“We’re okay,” she told him.

“Ma’am,” the paramedic said. “Let’s get you to the ambulance.”

The paramedics stepped forward, one taking hold of Evelyn. The other moved toward Hotch.

“How are you feeling?” the paramedic asked him.

“Can you make it to the ambulance?” the paramedic asked Evelyn, who nodded her head.

“I can carry you,” Morgan said, stepping forward. Evelyn let out a quiet laugh.

“I can manage on my own, Derek,” she told him. Still, he followed her and the paramedic, his hands out just in case she started to fumble.

They helped her up the stairs and she looked back at Hotch, to find that his eyes were still on her. He nodded her head and she smiled at him.

The pain that flared throughout Evelyn’s leg was white hot, but with the paramedic taking most of her weight and Morgan just behind her, Evelyn was able to make it to through the house and to the ambulance without letting a single tear fall from her eye.

Hotch came out of the house a few minutes later, the paramedic still trying to get him to sit for a moment while Reid filled him in on everything they missed in the case.

“I’d like to speak with Rosalie,” Hotch said.

“She’s over here,” Reid said.

Hotch tried not to look over at the ambulance where he knew Evelyn was. He still had a job to do and he couldn’t focus on that if all he could think about was whether or not she was okay. He knew she was okay. She was always okay.

Rosalie sat in the back of one of the cop cars, her eyes closed and silent tears running down her cheeks. Hotch popped open the door, but she didn’t look at him.

“Is he alive?” she asked.

“He’ll survive,” Hotch told her. Rosalie let out a shaky breath and slowly opened her eyes. “Why did you help us?”

“I didn’t help you,” she said, looking away from him and toward the ambulance. “I helped Evelyn.”

Hotch scowled.

“She loves you, you know?”

Her words startled him and Hotch felt ice run through his blood.

“What?”

“She loves you. I gave her food at night but she’d only eat part of it, saved the rest for you. And last night I came to take her somewhere safe before Jeremy came back to kill you, but she refused to leave. I almost had her out of that house, but she ran back in. For you.”

Hotch looked down at his feet. He didn’t really expect anything less of Evelyn Caro. She always put everyone’s lives above her own. He shouldn’t expect her to act any different toward him.

But anger still bubbled up inside of him. She could have gotten herself killed and for what? She should have left him there and ran to get help. She should have….

“You better be damn sure you’re worth it.” Rosalie’s words were venom and Hotch could feel their sting deep in his blood.

Hotch shut the door, leaving Rosalie to her silence and grief. He turned to look at the ambulance, just as Morgan was stepping into the back. The paramedic shut the door, closing Hotch off from Evelyn. The siren started to blare, and the ambulance rolled out of the driveway.

“They’re taking her to the hospital,” Prentiss said, walking over to him. Hotch nodded his head. “Lost too much blood to just let her come back with us.”

“She kept antagonizing him,” Hotch said as he placed his hands on his hips. “If she had just let me go with him-“

“Caro was protecting you, sir,” Prentiss said. He looked at her, scowl deepening. “She knew that as soon as Lions had you, he would kill you. She had to make sure that didn’t happen.”

Hotch watched the ambulance as it drove away, the sirens ringing.

He never got the chance to ask if she was okay.

___

Evelyn lay back in her bed at the hotel, staring at the ceiling. A bandage wrapped around her leg and it itched, making it impossible for her to sleep. There was something else keeping her awake. Her mind reeled, the last few days playing over and over in her head. Trapped in a room with Hotch for days on end was the perfect time to talk to him about all the things that were bothering her, but even then, she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t even know where to begin because she didn’t even know what she was feeling anyway.

Sitting up with a huff, Evelyn glowered into the darkness. She threw off her blankets that were making her too hot, lowering herself onto the ground and landing on her good leg. She hobbled over to her discarded clothes and threw them back on.

Air was what she needed. A breath of fresh air. And then she’d be okay. She could go back to pretending that everything was fine and normal, like she always did.

As she pulled a coat onto her shoulders, she opened the door and froze.

Hotch was standing there, wearing a broken down version of his usual suit. His tie and jacket were discarded, his shirt buttoned up sloppily. She wondered if he had ever even gone to bed. And he was standing in front of her door, his hand not even raised to knock. He was just standing there.

He looked at her with wide eyes, shocked to find her there.

“Um, hi,” Evelyn said, dropping her hand from the doorknob.

“I just wanted to check to see how you were doing,” Hotch said.

“Hotch, it’s like three in the morning.”

He looked down at his hands. He was actually fidgeting. Something had made him motivated enough to come here, but nervous enough not to knock.

“I know. I can go-“

“No, wait.” He froze. “I never got to ask if you were okay.”

Hotch nodded his head.

“I’m okay.”

“Good.”

They stood there in silence. Evelyn felt her throat tighten every time she wanted to say something. Hotch wouldn’t look at her. The silence seemed to drag on for eternity before Hotch finally broke it.

“I talked to Rosalie, after everything, and she said something,” Hotch said. Evelyn finally put her eyes on him.

“What…what did she say?”

There were a thousand terrible things that Evelyn could think of that the woman could have possibly said to land her standing in front of her boss at three in the morning.

“She said that you had a chance to leave that house and you came back,” he told her. Evelyn straightened her back. This was going to be a lecture, she could just feel it coming. She just didn’t know why it couldn’t wait until morning. “Why?”

Evelyn scowled and looked at the ground, her hand still on the door.

“Why?” She repeated. “Because I couldn’t leave you there.”

“You should have.”

Evelyn felt her temper begin to rise. What was it with this man?

“A ‘thank you for saving my life’ would suffice,” she said, her tone harsh. “If I hadn’t come back, Lions would have killed you. From where I’m standing, I made the right decision.”

“And got yourself hurt in the process.”

“I’ll survive.” Hotch fell quiet again. “Listen, Aaron, if you’ve come to pick a fight, I think it can wait until morning.”

Evelyn took a step back and started to close the door, but Hotch lifted his hand and stopped it from closing. She looked over at him, jaw tightened, and found him staring back at her.

“I’m not here to pick a fight with you,” he said.

“Then why did you come?”

She could see the question rattling around in his brain, as if he had been asking himself that very same question ever since he left his room.

“I’m sick of this, Aaron,” she said finally, when he didn’t answer. “I’m sick of neither of us being able to say what we really mean. I’m sick of running in circles around each other. Just tell me why you came here.”

“I came to make sure you’re okay.”

“Mission accomplished then. I’m fine. I’ll see you in the morning.”

She started to close the door again and this time he didn’t stop her.

“Rosalie also said you loved me.”

Evelyn froze, the door almost shut so she couldn’t see his face anymore. Which was good because it meant that he also couldn’t see hers and the fear that was etched into every feature. Her breathing became heavy, like every breath took so much more work. She closed her eyes, and slowly started to open the door again.

“Rosalie said that?” Hotch nodded his head once. “Did you believe her?”

He was quiet for a moment, letting out a long but quiet sigh.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re a profiler. Tell me, what do you think?”

He took a while to answer.

“I think you’re a deeply compassionate person who cares for the team. I think you would give your life for any one of us in a heartbeat.” Evelyn looked down at her feet and Hotch tried to follow her eyes with his. “I know that you would never do anything to jeopardize the dynamics of this team because we’ve become your family.”

“Okay.”

“So, I don’t know how much of what you say and do is because the team is your family and how much is because-“

“-I love you.”

The words came from her mouth like any other fact would. She had known it for so long, never said it, not even to herself, but she knew it. And she managed to say it so casually. She was just completing his sentence after all.

Hotch stood still, as if trying to decide whether or not she was finishing what he was saying or confessing. He searched her eyes, but she stayed motionless. It was time he figured things out for himself, she decided. They’d both spent so long trying to figure the other out, it was high time someone just made the first move.

“When you were at Ralph Bennet’s house,” he said finally, “I had these horrible dreams about finding you there already dead. I was too late to save you.”

Evelyn could have sworn there were tears glimmering in his eyes.

“You did though, Aaron. You did save me.”

“But was I too late?” He asked. “Did I wait too long for…everything else?”

“What do you want, Aaron?” Her voice was just at a whisper, her hand still on the door.

It was the last time she would ask. This was the last time and then she’d let it go, let him go. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life, however short that might be, pining after one man.

Hotch surprised her then. He didn’t say anything else, he didn’t try to talk. Talking was clearly getting him nowhere. Everything he said somehow came out wrong. Instead, he took a step toward her, closing the distance between them. Putting a hand to her cheek, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

His answer was clear. It took her a few moments to over come her shock, but when she did, she reached out to grab hold of his shirt collar, pulling him in closer.

She pulled him into her room and shut the door, leaving the hallway empty and quiet.

Her room was still dark as he moved her backward, his hands never leaving her. He thought he had lost her. But here she was, with him, and that’s all he needed.

“You,” he whispered against her skin. “Just you.”

Every raging fire that made up Evelyn Caro met the calm seas that built Aaron Hotchner, burning and boiling and soothing in every possible way.

He kissed her lips, her bruised cheek bone, her jaw. His hands rested against the side of her neck, gently though, so as not to irritate her wound. She tugged at his wrinkled shirt, trying to pull him closer.

Hotch knew this was breaking protocol. But he left behind every rule in the book when he left his room two hours ago. Every inch of contact with her made his stomach twist, every time her teeth grazed his lip made his heart pound. For so long he had wanted her and for so long he had pretended otherwise. He was so, so tired of pretending.

He was pulling off her shirt and she didn’t stop him and he didn’t stop himself, but he couldn’t. He just needed all of her.

Evelyn gasped, her intake of breath so sharp that Hotch pulled away. She breathed raggedly, her chest rising and falling.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, his eyes moving to her neck.

Consumed by her, he had forgotten the shape she was in. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her.

“I’m not that fragile,” she told him. There was a smug look on her face, her lips twitched up into a smile.

Hotch leaned forward to kiss that smile, soft and gentle. His hands dropped to her waist and he kissed her again. He intended to pull away, leave her be for the night, but every time he tried, he came back to her like a magnet.

Evelyn had just as hard as a time keeping away from him. His calloused hands were grazing over her sides, her waist, her stomach, her back. Her hands were trembling as she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. Her heart pounded like a drum beat in her chest, so hard that she could hear it in her ears and it made her hands shake.

She expected him to stop her, to realize what he was doing and take her hands a politely decline, but when the last button came undone, he pulled away from just long enough to take the shirt off himself.

Hotch put his lips back on hers as soon as he could. Evelyn smiled against his kiss.

As if she had burned him, he suddenly stepped away, leaving Evelyn leaning against the wall, heaving for breath. He stared at her, his own breath ragged, his dark eyes smoldering.

“Is something…did I…?”

Shame pooled in Evelyn’s cheeks, making them burn. There she was, completely and utterly exposed, barely able to stand well enough on her own to scurry away.

“You’ve had a very hard year, Evelyn,” he said.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at the ground, locking her jaw.

“Hotch….”

“And I can’t take advantage of-“

“Aaron!” She said with a laugh, forcing him to look at her. “I’m fine. This is fine, more than fine.”

“Is it what you want?” he asked.

She gave a small smile and heaved out a sigh.

“Aaron Hotchner,” she said. “Have I ever done anything I haven’t wanted to?”

Lifting a hand, she curled her finger, beckoning for him. He stepped toward her until he was just a breath away.

“I’ll tell you if I need to stop,” she said to him, just above a whisper.

Evelyn reached up and kissed him again. It took him a few moments to respond, but once he accepted what she said, he leaned into her.

He placed a hand on her chest, right over her heart.

And for once, in a very, very long time, that wound in her soul didn’t feel so gaping.

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #ssa hotchner #aaron hotchner x oc #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fic #hurt/comfort #tw: abuse #tw: violence #hotch #ssa aaron hotchner #idk what else to tag this so that more people see it #because it took me three weeks to write #this is literally a quarter of a novel what am i doing with my life #anyway #i hope you guys enjoy

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