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randomingoftherandomness · 8 months

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Yuanzhi is covered in blood and Shangjue can smell it as soon as he enters the courtyard/grounds.

The tang in the air is almost immediate and assaults his senses with the full force of a hammer to his head.

“Shangjue gege?” Ziyu holds him firmly by the elbow. He shakes his head, looking back up at the empty courtyard in front of him.

Something is wrong.

He quickly unsheathes his sword and Ziyu wordlessly does the same. Heart pounding high in his throat, he rushes in, eyes frantically looking for signs of life.

His feet take him in the direction where the scent of blood is strongest — Yuanzhi’s laboratory.

Shangjue suppresses the panic that gnaws at his heels. Outpacing Ziyu, he doesn’t look back, sprinting to the door.

“Didi! Didi!”

“Ge? Zhiren?”

Yuanzhi peeks his head beyond a screen, looking startled at their entrance. His mouth is a mess of blood and spit that spills all the way down the front of his robes, and Shangjue drops his sword in his rush to pull Yuanzhi into his arms.

“What’s going on?” Yuanzhi coughs, patting at Shangjue’s back with complaint in the scrunch of his nose. “Ge… too tight…!”

“You tell us, Yuanzhi Didi,” Ziyu says, looking around the laboratory. “What’s all this?” Sheathing his sword, he gestures to the array of pots boiling on the multiple burners and the almost wicked way the steam casts the rest of the room.

“Ah.”

Shangjue lets him pull back far enough to frown at him.

“Ah? That’s all you have to say?” Shangjue chides. Lifting his sleeve, he wipes at the blood around Yuanzhi’s mouth, only for him to retch and scramble for a bucket to vomit into.

From behind him, Ziyu quickly goes to pour a fresh cup of tea, while he rubs Yuanzhi’s back.

“It’s just an experiment,” Yuanzhi explains, wheezing when he lifts his head. “Took it a bit too far, ‘s all.”

Shangjue clenches his jaw. Meeting Yuanzhi’s eyes he is only slightly mollified when his Didi looks appropriately cowed at his glare. Ziyu bustles forth with the cup of tea and Shangjue steps back to retrieve his sword.

Hiding his shaking his hands in his sleeves. He takes a moment to calm himself down before he does something stupid in front of their Zhiren like throw Yuanzhi over his knees and spank him for the foolishness.

They’ll have words about this later.

#my journey to you #my journey to you fic #云之羽 #gong shangjue x gong yuanzhi #gong shangjue #gong yuanzhi #gab writes stuff #hands up if you have ever vomited blood *hands up*#quick story time: I had a surgery when I was 12 to remove the polyps in my nose & the blood was the back flow from the surgery #me being the anxious hamster I was and am didn’t want to stay in the hospital and basically forced my parents to take me home #took me three tries to get up because every single time I was even remotely vertical I vomited blood #we had to throw my favourite shirt coz it got so much blood on it it couldn’t be washed off #I had a fun childhood lol #had blood in my mouth for a week after so yes. I know the taste of blood in my mouth

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daydadahlias · 9 months

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WAIT WHERES MIM?!?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’LL RELEASE THAT ONE AGAIN PLEASE

I need you guys to understand that the reason I took down my stuff was for my own peace of mind because they're my stories and i started feeling unsafe having them out because of how they - and I - were being treated.

absolutely nothing is wrong with mim and I love that fic and I care so much about it which is why - for my peace of mind - i want it to belong to only me rn. I know the fic was only out a month after i finished it and that really upsets me about taking it down. i want to reupload it because i know people like the fic and i love sharing my stuff but also there's that level of how much the fic matters to me and how much more devastating it makes it when people are cruel. and how much it hurts when I, as the creator of something, am treated like I don't matter at all and that my stuff can so easily be stolen or copied. like, it's an extension of me, yknow? You can't separate content and creator in such a small and intimate sphere as fandom. like, you guys all use my first name when referring to me, yknow?? there's that sense of connection. and since it's such an intimate space, having that trust be betrayed or disrespected is so much more potent than if we were in a large fandom with a lot of creators.

the fear of having MiM copied is really immense and real for me rn and i know that's potentially me being overly paranoid but considering the Amount of times this has started to happen - and how blatantly rude and nasty and entitled readers have been getting with me and other creators over the last year - it's definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

MiM wasn't written for readers, it was written for me. and i shared it because i wanted to and that was wonderful. but to have any of my stuff stepped on so much just doesn't make me feel very safe in this fandom space rn and makes it hard to let people have access to something that matters so much to me.

I'm not saying MiM has been deleted forever, I'm just saying i want some more time for it to be mine.

#like i thought about not uploading scene 14 too especially bc she HAS been stolen verbatim before but.#at this point it just feels too late bc so many people have already read it #yeah i have a lot of conflicting feelings and im not saying i'll never repost mim but i just need some more time with her yknow????#like she matters a *lot* to me. and im allowed to be a little finicky with her #and this has been just so. immensely hurtful lately #like i spent most of the weekend crying my eyes out over this stuff because it's just so. hard. to consistently share things #and *have* consistently shared things for three years #and to actively *see* the change that's been occuring in this fandom where people just started treating content like it was consumable #and dispensable. and then started just *expecting* things from me and demanding fics or being pointblank rude and like...#i just dont have time for it yknow??#this stuff is supposed to be *fun*. i do it in my free time and share it with strangers for free bc i want to share the fun with others #and when people start disrespecting that. it makes it hard #like ive had so much more fun in the last week writing fic solely for myself and *not* sharing it than i have in. like. the last month #bc whenever i share fic publicly now. i know im going to have to deal with people potentially stealing it.#or not giving a shit about it and just asking when the next thing is coming. or going on twitter and ? talking about me publicly #where i cant even see it #like it's just been *so* many things lately. and it's hard when this is something i should only be doing to make me happy.#and it's been causing me sm stress instead.#and the fact that i took a week off tumblr and like. i got several pretty?? shitty asks?? that really undermined my feelings on everything.#and made it about themselves like #i dont know how to explain to you guys that we're all people and the whole point of fandom is to *share* with each other #not take.#so yeah i want to be able to share my stuff again and feel comfortable doing that but right now i just dont #and im gonna. get off my soapbox now ok <3 #the biggest thing is that. people act so overly familiar with me by calling me jess in asks and comments and acting like they know me #and then somehow. they are also so mean and devaluing of me? i cant really make sense of it.#ok enough of me. talking about myself. and venting #pigeon #anon

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scoliosisgoblin · 2 months

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But fr all the VN games specifically yandere male love interest likely not gonna finish but understandable because it’s a small project and coding is not easy as it looks. What do you think?

eh, I get having a project and losing motivation to finish it. there's so many instances of that, and I got a shit ton of projects I never finished because of the lack of motivation or art/writer's block

there's really no problem with not finishing a game or taking years to do so. it's not an easy task in any way

BUT I do think you should be able to be annoyed at how long a game is taking to come out, you can be impatient, it's fine! I hate waiting a year for another season of Rick and Morty (and the next season's only coming out next year due to grinding too hard or something), and though I do complain about the wait, I can recognize that it's not an easy thing to do — ESPECIALLY when it's an indie show

indie games will take a long time to make, and that is perfectly fine. I'm impatient but am fine waiting years for a good game. I'm pretty sure the main reason why people are verbally impatient with the development of Your Boyfriend, is because the creators have no idea who Yb is and continuously change his character's lore for some reason. not only that but they're just TERRIBLE people

#but idk I haven't really thought too much on the topic #just speaking out my ass #yapping even #I do think though that we should be more patient when it comes to making games and such though #sdv was made by one person and only recently released an update that was worked on for like three years #and everyone's cool with it BECAUSE of its payoff #with YB. the payoff just doesn't feel like it's there #even if the game isn't out yet #everything is super rushed and the writing is bad at times. the main fucking character's design is weak compared to it's “rivals”#YES I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. TK'S DESIGN WILL FOREVER BE MY FAVORITE.#I feel like the plot of the game would work better if it took over the span of a few weeks or a month or two #AND TIME SKIPS ARE FINE!#if day 1 and 2 had a week between them (with a small thingy that said like Peter starting coming by the diner more or whatever) it'd be cool #cause no fucking way was Peter like “I gotta be tame for yn to trust me” and the next fucking day he's so ready to fuck #INCONSISTENT IN-FUCKING-CONSISTENT #I just think it's way too rushed. why are we speed running a dating-stalking sim?#asks #your boyfriend game #your boyfriend peter #indie games #yb fandom #yb peter #yb game #yb #peter dunbar #yb tk #Tk... my majesty 🧎🙏

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yikesola · 2 years

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Picture Dan’s march 2019 tan shirt sun glow stubble “still alive” insta but with my url over his face. Pretend I made that

#me talking #i tried text to speak for like a medical update just bc I don’t think I’ve really done that #i have like my post after the first week in hospital back in nov2019 and since then I have like .. bitched about being unwell #but I thought like hey before it is the three year sickaversary maybe I’ll write it out #didn’t happen #might still happen #until then this is the post #I’m very behind on dnp stuff because of the *gestures vaguely* so I do have dan liveshow and the joint viddy keeping me motivated to like #stay alive lol #and dan tour stuff of course so many good m&g pics #but uh yeah I’m sorry I’ve been away (and I’m sorry I’m always apologizing for it) it’s not purely mental this time it’s 78% my body fucking #me up real bad #anyways this is all the typing I can manage 🤙 no I will not tell you now long this tag rant took me

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asterdeer · 1 year

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my hypothetical ao3 collection of midnights-based songfic, no other unifying factor - 40% serious, 50% if-i-was-good-enough-maybe, 10% shitpost.

“lavender haze” this one is a jonmichael fic purely off the “talk your talk and go viral / I just want the love spiral / get it off your chest / get it off my desk” bridge. that’s a mostly canon compliant jonmichael bridge if i ever heard it. they are holding hands at jon’s desk

“maroon” I'm going to ask you to hang with me for a second: richard maxwell/greg kelly. look it's canon that they knew each other (i can't remember if they knew they both worked for blackgaard? don't make me reread any of the blackgaard chronicles again ffs.) and if there's anything i love doing in fic it's turning a single line or two of throwaway canon into melodramatic soap opera nonsense. they lived together in chicago and did sketchy jobs together and fell in love and it was messy when richard left. and then waylaid in the windy city happened. yeah the blood is definitely just talking about a blush

“anti-hero” THEE richard maxwell character study of all time. i can hear i have this thing where i get older but just never wiser in his voice fr.

“snow on the beach” this is a steveloki song and specifically in my ideal stoki fic where it's loki who saves steve instead of the other way around. this pairing IS peak ‘weird but fuckin beautiful’

“you’re on your own, kid” i want to make this about morgana so bad. idk how but this should be a morgana fic.

“midnight rain” tbh i hate this song, no fic

“question…?” ditto

“vigilante shit” this is sheer richard maxwell revenge bait. idk how the fic would actually go but suddenly i’m picturing nb!richard and connie screwing blackgaard over and driving away in his car and making out at a fancy beach house, and it’s making me really happy

“bejeweled” this one gave me the most trouble but listen: IRONIC VILLAIN SONG FOR MORGANA. morgana wins au, she glows up and reclaims the throne and she does, in fact, polish up real nice!! she has been too good of a girl!!! it is time to teach some lessons!!!!!!

“labyrinth” look this song bores me to death, go queen give me nothing, but like. obviously it’s a steveloki song, the bit about the plane? the bit about everyone expecting him to bounce back? this one isn’t clever but it would make a cute enough long fic concept. probably in my loki-saves-steve idea as well, definitely the ‘oh’(tm) chapter for steve’s pov.

“karma” sorry that i think this would make for the funniest steve-centric anti-tony fic in the whole entire world. sorry that i'm objectively right. sorry that i will never write it but like, imagine. IMAGINE

“sweet nothing” this would be the epilogue fic to my jonmichael misophonia fic series. after a certain point, jon being the archivist means everyone wants something from him, usually something destructive or hurtful or just plain something he doesn't want to do, but now jon and michael are free somehow and jon gets to be loved by someone who wants nothing from him except himself.

“mastermind” this is richason to a TEE. a cute little “i am secretly Courting You, haha you’ll never find out until it’s TOO LATE” fic, richard thinks he’s so smart. jason does too but def not about this.

“the great war” i read the lyrics for this one time and decided it would make the most steveloki fic of all time and i was and still am correct

“bigger than the whole sky” this is the fic where jason and richard have a whirlwind romance during DBD but richard dies when he gets caught (either murdered or dies when he jumps out of the car). this song also bores me to tears but the sentiment of jason not getting to know richard the way they should have been, after richard has finally been able to clear his name and have a more peaceful life sans regis, is a pretty compelling one to me.

“paris” nah this is my least favorite song on the album

“high infidelity” i love this song but i can’t imagine a character/pairing/situation that i’d want to write about with actual infidelity?

“glitch” EUGENE/RICHARD FANS COME GET YALL JUICE. i know i know, it's tacky and gimmicky, but, come on, it's adorable! geek love! this is a "falling in love while deep-diving into the imagination station's code" fic. literally the cutest. i haven't quite figured out how i would actually write eugene/richard but y'all have convinced me that it would be adorbs.

“would’ve, should’ve, could’ve” the spiritual sequel to the "you're on your own, kid" morgana fic. i mean the line about spitting out poison??? there's a lot here that could make a good uther angst fic but tbh i want to zero in on a morgana vs merlin dynamic where morgana knows about his magic and that he still chose to turn his back on her. not in an anti-merlin way but still in that "how dare you betray me like that" vein. god "give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" in a morgana context absolutely KILLS me.

“dear reader” oh man you could write the most crushing jon jarchivist study off this song. and by you I mean someone else who isn’t me. but i can pretend i have the competency to make this work

#long post #sorry about the long post holy shit #this thing took me THREE WEEKS #i talk a big game about morgana-centric fic for someone who’s written a single morgana drabble and nothing else #but again: this is as much aspirational as it is serious #one day I will expand my fic writing horizons but today is not that day.#also I realize that I sound like such a hater but like. it’s def a t-swift album #when there are six songs that are pretty good to really good; four that I want to burn with kerosene because they’re so boring;#and three songs that give me psychic damage for a year and that i play ten times a day for months afterwards #‘the great war’ is really what set this off and yes that IS my one s-tier song off the album #my fic

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ladylynse · 2 years

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Hey, Kangham anon! I’m still doing the three sentence ficlets but will be without a computer for the next couple of weeks. I might write it on my phone when I have a spare moment and post it when I’m somewhere with internet access, but otherwise it’ll be a little bit until I get to it. (Sending in prompts in the meantime is perfectly fine! I just might not get to them right away.)

Given your prompt is double date, who would you like to see for the other pairing?

#ladylynse #if I close the three sentence fic requests it’s because I am overwhelmed #I just haven’t gotten any in a while so haven’t posted any #but if they are closed it’ll say so in my pinned post #and even if they’re closed you can send one in and I just won’t write it till they’re open again #the most I’ve gotten is like 70 at once not 700 #and it probably took me a week to get through the 70 #which was a little rough because I didn’t write a word for anything else

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 22 days

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for whom good omens is being written

Hey maggots and the rest of the fandom, it's the Good Omens Mascot here. Today I read a post about this tweet:

The accompanying video genuinely made me cry. And I've been thinking about this for a long while, as far back as February, when I saw a lot of conflicting opinions on what people wanted from the third season. It really is true that no matter what you do, some people will be dissatisfied. But what matters is that Neil is writing this for Terry.

And I was reminded of some paragraphs from the Good Omens TV Companion, which I'd read in Amazon's sample excerpt of the book. I know this is a long post, but I really truly do think you all need to read these, I've done my best to select only the most important parts. Here you go:

'His Alzheimer's started progressing harder and faster than either of us had expected,' says Neil, referring to a period in which Terry recognized that despite everything he could no longer write. 'We had been friends for over thirty years, and during that time he had never asked me for anything. Then, out of the blue, I received an email from him with a special request. It read: “Listen, I know how busy you are. I know you don't have time to do this, but I want you to write the script for Good Omens. You are the only human being on this planet who has the passion, love and understanding for the old girl that I do. You have to do this for me so that I can see it." And I thought, “OK, if you put it like that then I'll do it."

'I had adapted my own work in the past, writing scripts for Death: The High Cost of Living and Sandman, but not a lot else was seen. I'd also written two episodes of Doctor Who, and so I felt like I knew what I was doing. Usually, having written something once I'd rather start something new, but having a very sick co-author saying I had to do this?' Neil spreads his hands as if the answer is clear to see. 'I had to step up to the plate.' A pause, then: 'All this took place in autumn 2014, around the time that the BBC radio adaptation of Good Omens was happening,' he continues, referring to the production scripted and co-directed by Dirk Maggs and starring Peter Serafinowicz and Mark Heap. ‘Terry had talked me into writing the TV adaptation, and I thought OK, I have a few years. Only I didn't have a few years,' he says. 'Terry was unconscious by December and dead by March.'

He pauses again. 'His passing took all of us by surprise,' Neil remembers. 'About a week later, I started writing, and it was very sad. The moments Terry felt closest to me were the moments I would get stuck during the writing process. In the old days, when we wrote the novel, I would send him what I'd done or phone him up. And he would say, "Aahh, the problem, Grasshopper, is in the way you phrase the question," and I would reply, "Just tell me what to do!" which somehow always started a conversation. 'In writing the script, there were times I'd really want to talk to Terry, and also places where I'd figure something out and do something really clever, and I would want to share it with him. So, instead, I would text Terry's former personal assistant, Rob Wilkins, now his representative on Earth. It was the nearest thing I had.'

(...) As Neil himself recognizes, this is an adaptation built upon the confidence that comes from three decades of writing for page and screen. But for all the wisdom of experience, he found that above all one factor guided him throughout the process. 'Terry isn't here, which leaves me as the guardian of the soul of the story,' he explains. 'It's funny because sometimes I found myself defending Terry's bits harder or more passionately than I would defend my own bits. Take Agnes Nutter,' he says, referring to what has become a key scene in the adaptation in which the seventeenth-century author of the book of prophecies foretelling the coming of the Antichrist is burned at the stake. ‘It was a huge, complicated and incredibly expensive shoot, with bonfires built and primed to explode as well as huge crowds in costume. It had to feel just like an English village in the 1640s, and of course everyone asked if there was a cheap way of doing it. 'One suggestion was that we could tell the story using old-fashioned woodcuts and have the narrator take us through what happened, but I just thought, “No”. Because I had brought aspects of the story like Crowley and the baby swap along to the mix, and Terry created Agnes Nutter. So, if I had cut out Agnes then I wouldn't be doing right by the person who gave me this job. Terry would've rolled over in his grave.'

And, finally, this paragraph:

"Once again, Neil cites the absence of his co-writer as his drive to ensure that Good Omens translated to the screen and remained true to the original vision. 'Terry's last request to me was to make this something he would be proud of. And so that has been my job.'"

I think that's so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and so I wanted you all to read this, too, just in case you (like me) don't have the Good Omens TV Companion. It adds another layer of depth and emotion to this already complex and amazing story that we all know and love.

Share this post, if you can, please, so that more people can read these excerpts :")

Tagging @neil-gaiman, @fuckyeahgoodomens and @orpiknight, even if you've definitely read these before :)

#good omens #neil gaiman #sir terry pratchett #good omens show #good omens fandom #good omens mascot #weirdly specific but ok #asmi

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verystressedcollegestudent · 2 months

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if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites

#this guy did jack shit for two full weeks when we're building the damn prototype #but STILL brought up the fact that most of our team blew off a report till the last minute in the beginning of march #*prototypes don't work* “sEe tHis iS wHy wE nEedEd tO hAvE a cOnvErsaTioN aBouT MS3”#like hon you lost the rights to the “y'all need to contribute more” argument the moment you left me hanging for 2-3 FUCKING WEEKS #like excuuuuuse me you been prioritizing extra curriculars all week get off your high horse stop lecturing everyone else about contribution #he made maybe 3 contributions? maybe?#first he 3D modeled an adapter and sent it to someone else to print (couldn't even do THAT himself smh)#then he sent the gc a sketch of an idea i roughly proposed literally the NIGHT BEFORE as his own contribution (that I ENDED UP BUILDING #then he...screwed on a few pipe fittings and called it a project :)#would be a LOT less pissed if he didn't show up to One Thing outside weekly team meetings/class #then apologize for slacking off BUT then launch into a FUCKING SPEECH ABOUT HOW HIM BEING HERE PROVES HIS COMMITTMENT #all because he DOESN'T LIKE GETTING UP EARLY. like sir. sir i am rIGHT FUCKING HERE. i was up till 4-5am working on this stfu #we've been building for three weeks and he's come into work on stuff wo me there ONCE for an HOUR #for context id spent about fifteen hours in the shop alone working on the fucking thing that WEEK #like im trying to be understanding ik tech week is hell #but i took “stepping back” as “i only have a few hours here and there to be in the shop and will do the writeups”#NOT “won't show up outside meetings AND we're splitting slides and writeups 80/20”#like id been in the lab all fuckin day and notice we have an assignment due (missed a SINGLE meeting due to exam)#and i ask him if theres anything i can do (and im thinking like look it over maybe add a spec or two)#and this fucker has the AUDACITY to ask me to write the full four paragraph summary cause he #*checks notes* copy-pasted some specs from milestone 3 so of COURSE its only fair that despite the fact I've been in the lab ALL DAY #that i write the four fuckin paragraphs too #course we're troubleshooting and he's like “did you clean the pump? did you disassemble it and rinse it?” like yes???#i did EVERYTHING i could think of before i even bothered texting you cause i know you're fucking useless #and then he raises fifteen different concerns which while valid would have been NICE TO HEAR WHEN I SENT YOU MY INITIAL DESIGNS #y'know BEFORE i spent over fifteen hours of my free time building this damn thing #with slackers i just pick up the work and move on with my life this idiot is trying to gaslight me into thinking that he contributed fairly #when i heard “i need to step back due to play stuff” i thought we'd be splitting it like 65:35 NOT FUCKING 95:5 #and now hes probably going to give ME a poor peer review because I've been passive aggressive with him in the few meetings he showed up to #like i got shit going on too? how the fuck does he expect me to respond to being abandoned to do this shit myself

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mossy-rock-in-a-field · 6 months

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Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:

She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.

She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.

Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.

She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.

She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.

She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.

We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)

She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)

She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.

She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.

I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.

anyway shout out to my mom for being neat

Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale #gale of waterdeep #astarion #gale dekarios #laq talks #I talk #she stares at me real hard after she makes a choice too #like squinting to see if my expression gives anything away #if it was a good or bad call #I keep my face blank as shit it’s hilarious #I have not told her I’m writing fanfic for this game #nor will I ever #jesus christ

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inkskinned · 11 months

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so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

#writeblr #the book....#coming soon #hey so if ur someone who has ever said “you need to write a book”#i wrote the book #it's ... probably the best thing ive ever written #this is maybe too honest lol #okay to reblog thank you for asking i love u i am in love with u our wedding will be in may

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inkedbybarnes · 2 months

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his baby

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: bucky won't call you by your name.

word count: 400+

warnings: 18+ minors dni. established relationship. tooth rotting fluff, or worse... allusions to smut. a whole lot of usage of petnames mainly being baby, bucky being obsessed with the reader (that's a warning, i say), lowercase writing.

i have no idea what this is (okay, maybe i do) but it happened. really cheesy, but i guess i'm into that sometimes. hope you like this one!

dividers by @cafekitsune!

comments, reblogs, and likes are highly appreciated. thank you! ♡

“where's my baby?”

those three words kept echoing all throughout the compound this morning. most of the team were up and awake to welcome bucky, steve, and sam who just arrived home from their week long mission.

but his baby was missing.

“oh, god. here he goes again.” sam shook his head, fatigue written all over his face, but a bit of amusement from bucky's behaviour still shining through. he couldn't deny how admirable bucky's adoration for you was.

“calm down, punk." steve pat his shoulder reassuringly. “i'm sure she's here somewhere.”

“yeah, but where?” bucky asks again. “i haven't seen her for a week. i miss her.”

“you think he remembers her name?" clint jokingly asked.

“she has multiple names, remember?” tony answered. “baby, sweetheart, love, sweets, and.. what's the other one? i swear, there's another, or maybe two?”

before one of them could find the answer, bucky popped right in front of them to ask another question.

“is my baby okay?” his brows were all scrunched up, genuinely worried about you. “did you tell her i was coming home? i told her before we took off. why isn't she here? she's always—”

“okay, lover boy. your baby is alright, she's still sleeping in your room, i think.” tony answered him, finally calming him down. “and can you call her by her name when it's just us around? we're starting to think that you forgot what her actual name is."

“what? she's my only baby, it's not that hard to figure it out." bucky shrugged, causing at least three of the avengers to run their hands through their face at his answer. “and why is she still asleep? is she sick?"

natasha raised her hand, a guilty smile on her face. “i'm the reason for that. i made her stay up late with me last night to watch five seasons of a show we discovered accidentally,” she explained, a proud smile now replacing her guilty one. “she might be a little cranky from the lack of sleep, so you better have something for her when she wakes up.”

“oh, i do.” bucky grinned like he already knew what to give her and was prepared for it. “all of you might want to leave the tower for the entire day if you don't want to hear me giving it to her.”

what used to be the shouts of bucky looking for you were now replaced with the grunts and complaints of the team because of bucky's answer.

if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x fem!reader #inkedbybarnes

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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year

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Hi! Thank you so much for all the nice things you said about the poem I wrote you, it really made my day <3. I got a chance to listen to "I Say No", and it was very cathartic and amazing music. I remember you mentioned a while ago that you have an OC story you were going to rework that had roses in its title? Could you talk more about that? I'm really interested in hearing about your world and characters. Also, have a good day! ;) - Amethyst

Amethyst! Hello! Of course, thank you for the poem, I greatly enjoyed the surprise :)--and I'm glad you like the song! I haven't seen Heathers in person (i've seen a few other musicals in person, and we're scheduled to see a few more this year), but if I ever do I hope it's got that song in it.

And yes, you're remembering correctly! That OC story, like I said, is going to be very much reworked. I came up with it when I was like 12 or 13, but I've been working on other things and haven't truly touched it since then. I've worked on it for NaNoWriMo at least twice, but it's never truly clicked. There are two main things about the structure and kind of story it is that I know for certain and won't change, but I'm keeping those particular details secret :3

however! even though I don't know what the story is going to become outside of that, I can tell you what it originally was! These things all may be changed, some may stay, but it's what i have.

I titled it A Collection of Roses, which was in reference to the main characters. I don't remember exactly how it referenced them, but I know that's where the title came from. I think it may have had something to do with an elaborate rose garden surrounding where they lived in the first draft, or perhaps something to do with the beauty of roses hiding their thorns.

Probably the thorn thing, because the premise of these characters was that they were cursed under the guise of being granted gifts.

I'm explaining this all out of order, bear with me, we're backing up a little. acor takes place in a fantasy world, one where there's infinite universes and variations of the world. They're often depicted as like pages of a book that can be flipped through--but only by select people. Most people don't know about the overlapping infinite universes, in the sense that there are only 3 people aware of and able to access it in the story (and a few in their group know about it because they tell them).

acor follows a main character who's never had a name feel quite right, but she's been named Seli for a while now so I'm using that. I was using beauty and the beast as inspiration for this story, so Seli was essentially occupying the role of Belle, if Belle had a little sister named Bene (short for Beneatha). That was lose inspiration at the beginning, though you can still see it throughout the story (there is a Gaston character, but he doesn't serve the same role). Seli and her sister live as the village oddities, not quite scorned but not quite part of everything (their father often isn't around and has been distant since the loss of their mother. although that might be specific to one draft, I can't remember).

Through various means depending on what draft we're in, Seli finds herself in possession of an odd necklace, it's charm very fun to twiddle with, as it's composed of several rings that turn about within themselves. In one version I believe she finds it in an abandoned castle, Bene having gone missing in the woods near her house, finding the castle. It's a little hazy, but I know Bene goes missing there. This necklace is how Seli gains access to the large book of infinite universes, but she doesn't understand how it works and sends herself with abandon across the book's pages.

I'm skipping over the details because they aren't concrete, but via sending herself across universes, she stumbles into a particular universe and meets a particular group of people--these are the rest of the main characters, and they seem to know a little more about her than they should. There are...6? 7? Of them. it's not immediately obvious that these people are cursed, but they live in a universe much more magical than Seli's where powers and abilities aren't unheard of. They each have a power, which (Seli doesn't know this yet) was granted to them by someone. However, each one came with a cost--hence the roses title about the thorns in beauty.

When I first made this world, it was much more about the world than the plot, so I can't give you a concrete idea of what happens next, because I always got stuck around here in every draft (I'm a more experienced writer know and know why that happened, but haven't gone back to fix it yet). I always had some hazy idea about fighting and overthrowing the person who cursed said group (who become like a family to Seli, though there's also the problem of her having left her dependent sister behind), as that person is one of the three people who know of and can access the multiple universes and they are using that ability to take complete control of all universes ("if I have complete control, I can make all universes right under my vision of what that should be" kinda thinking, though I'm very likely going to tweak that going forward). However that hazy idea isn't really worth exploring any more in its current state.

I can, however, give you a little bit of an intro to the characters as they were (which are very very likely going to change. like I said this is all old and all going to be workshopped). They were each granted a gift that later revealed itself to have a significant drawback--however, I am answering this ask in class and also from memory and also it's been literally years so my memory is fuzzy. And! I came up with them when I was 12 there's some cliches here (like how they're all centuries old)

Lethe: She's the leader of the group, everyone else in the group was serving in her domain until her curse deposed her. Now I believe her power is...she has an animal form? wolf? and the beasts of the forest listen to her. Given her name, I believe her curse had something to do with forgetting who she was...? I can't remember very well, I don't have my notes with me

Kachina: They are the third person who has access to the infinite universes, able to see them all and traverse them at will. The catch is they are now severed from any universe and cannot fully exist or interact with them. They're never fully grounded, always drifting between them and losing themself. No one can touch them, they're never truly there, though they try to be. Heavily associated with the color red. Oh and also I believe they hold the past of some other person within themself, feeling a connection to someone they never were and can never be again, but they still mourn it.

Keen: I believe he's my darkness character. WAIT NOPE. Oh my god I'm so sorry Keen I just totally erased a lot of your horrors with that. Keen is actual my time travel character. he's just also associated with darkness because he's quiet and has seen things he can't forget. The catch with him is that he can only travel backwards in time. A big thing I was going to do with him is that, if things go wrong, he can continuously travel back in time and tell those around him so they can change their actions until they get it right. However, this results in many situation where he repeatedly witnesses the deaths of people closest to him, then has to travel back in time to said people before their deaths to prevent it, but retains those memories no one else has experienced. he's in a perpetual state of losing people.

Xion: strongman type character, they're married to Shavani. I. cannot for the life of me remember what they do. I think it granted them increased strength and deadliness, but at the cost of control? They risk raging and losing control with the people they care about? Very stoic no bullshit character

Shavani: She's the nature/plant one. Associated with fertility, nourishes the earth and allows it to flourish, caring but also unforgiving. The drawback with her was that it took her fertility in order to transform it into earthly fertility, and she lost a very wanted pregnancy as the result. I. don't remember much more about her abilities, my apologies Shavani. She was often the one who found Seli once she accidentally threw herself across universes.

Maimun: Maimun's all about luck. I didn't have the complete logistics of their power worked out because there were finicky things, but the premise is when intending to do something using their power, they have a 50/50 chance of success. Essentially, they can do anything with it but it's not a guarantee--so it's all about risk and chance with them. Which I was going to use in very dramatic scenes of life or death being up to a stroke of luck and so on.

Nedra: I focused on her the least so there's very little depth or nuance, but she's my shapeshifter character. Can take practically any form, but is trans and unable to take the form that expresses herself fully and as she wants to be seen. I was discovering the vast vast worlds of gender queerness when I made her, so I think she plays into some tropes or common writing that doesn't do her favors, which also doesn't treat her transness with the kindness I'd like it to, so she's most likely to have the most significant change.

I'll stop there, but that's kinda what was going on with A Collection of Roses. Those characters were the roses, and it doesn't actually have a concrete plot, but I came up with it when I was 12 so. Not that 12 yos can't make good things, but just that my skill level was much lower than it is now, and I still have more to learn.

This is not what the story will be going forward--i don't know what it will be, as I haven't created it yet--but that's what it was! All off the top of my head so I probably missed some very important things, but I hope that answers your question and was at least a little fun to read through :)

I hope you're also having a good day!

#quil's queries #amethyst nonsie #maimun's got my favorite name out of the bunch #but anyway. I've got three drafts of the first half of the story in my google drive #actually more like 4 or 5. since I did restarts of some of the drafts #there's hundreds of thousands of words of it #i shared an oc writing piece a while back (several months? a year) about the past life kachina associated themself with #oh but all their names I took from pinterest (because I was 12)#and each name has to do with their curse #at least if the pinterest aesthetic name meaning should be trusted...which it probably shouldn't #anyway. i haven't thought about acor in a WHILE this was fun #thanks for asking!#gave me something to do during class. as it's a work day and i'm not starting the 'assigned' work for a few more weeks #i feel like I'm forgetting something but this is long enough. so

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