#the ones back home haven't learnt to speak yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

juuuulez · 10 months

Note

Hello :) Carl x F!Greene!Reader, Reader and Carl had been pining for each other since they met at the farm but they haven't had a chance to talk about it TO CONFESS so basically more than friends but no label. Back in s5e15 Carl chases Enid when he spots her climbing over the wall. And in the tree scene where they almost kissed, Reader somehow spots them(was on a walk to relieve stress) I am such a sucker for ANGST. You have full reign of how the story will go! Ty v much :))

Little Pleasures.

info: S5Carl x Greene! Reader, technically no pronouns used but u can fill that in mentally, kids being stupid.

summary: You catch Carl and Enid sharing an intimate moment, and can no longer repress your feelings for the Grimes’ boy. Luckily, he intends on making it right.

this was soooo cute to write!!! plss send more request i loved doing this!

You’ve learnt to enjoy the little things in life.

Seeing your sister, Maggie, happy with Glenn filled you with joy. Carol would sometimes bring over cookies, and promised to teach you the recipe. Once Daryl found an old music box while on a supply run, and brought it back for you.

But your favourite little pleasure? Well, that was easily Carl Grimes.

Whenever you were sad, he’d notice, and let you read his comics. He was perceptive like that, and could sense your emotions from a mile away. Maybe he, too, felt this deep sense of sadness, an ache that never went away.

After the death of your father and sister, that ache became all consuming. Some days you couldn’t bare to get up, and yet those where the days Carl turned up, standing on your porch. Throwing stones at your window.

Once again, it was these little things that made life worthwhile. You liked to think that Carl enjoyed your company as much you did his.

Sure, back at the prison Beth had egged you to make a move on him, as it was no denying how the sheriff’s boy made your heart sore. Back then, it was a silly little crush, one you’d indulge in just to pass the time. But now it was impractical. Seeing everybody you loved perish numbed you, and growing attached to Carl would only result in further turmoil.

At least, that’s what you told yourself.

So why did seeing Carl with Enid hurt so much?

Whenever you were particularly sad, a walk seemed to help. Except for now, crouched behind a bush watching Carl and Enid hiding in a tree, their faces inches away. It made you feel sick.

Why was he with her? Did she have something you didn’t? Was she prettier? Could understand his comics better?

Your mind ran rampage, the embarrassing feeling of hot tears spilling into your cheeks. This was pathetic. You’d sworn that Carl meant nothing to you, and yet you couldn’t handle seeing him with someone else.

In a hurry, you took off, scurrying back to Alexandria. No more walks. No more going outside. No more little pleasures.

That was until late at night, when the familiar tapping on your window returned.

Ping.

“Stop it!” You shout, moving to pry your window open just before Carl can throw another stone. It makes your insides feel warm and fuzzy, the sight of him standing there, hair messy under his hat. You’d missed him.

“Will you come down?” He asks in a plea, speaking in this whisper-shout in an attempt not to wake the whole neighbourhood. “I haven’t seen you all day. Thought maybe you weren’t feeling well.”

Your jaw clenches, wanting nothing more than to banish him from your sight. “Maybe I just don’t want to talk to you.”

It was harsh, childish venom dripping from your tone as you slam the window shut, the harsh action vibrating against the wall. Sniffling, wiping messily at your eyes, you sat back down on your bed.

Ping.

You groan into your pillow, rolling onto your stomach and kicking your legs against the bedding. Why won’t he give up?

At your lack of response, there’s silence. It sounds like Carl’s gone home. Good. Now you can avoid him all day, all night, and never have to see him that close to Enid again. She can have him.

Only a few minutes later there’s a knocking at your door. You tilt your head out of the pillow, looking across the room. However, before you can give permission, the door is opening, revealing Carl once more.

“I said I didn’t want to talk to you!” You scold him, and in a fit of aggression, throw your pillow over at the boy.

He catches it seamlessly, throwing it into the bed as he approaches you. “Why the hell not? I got a new edition of Hawkeye. Thought you’d want to read it.”

“Why don’t you read it with Enid?” You mumble, turning away from him to face the opposite wall. This all seems so childish and stupid, the exact thing you wanted to avoid by distancing yourself from Carl.

There’s a beat of silence.

The bed dips slightly, a warm presence filling the space next to you. It takes everything within your power not to look at him.

“Enid doesn’t like comics,” Carl tells you, his voice quiet and sincere, like he can sense how upset you are no matter how irrational. “I wanted to see you today. But you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

You roll your eyes, and with one motion, fall back onto your bed with a huff. “I thought I didn’t want to be near you. Incase… I started enjoying it too much.”

You’re met with silence again, like an indication to continue. At least, that’s how you take it.

“Something bad’s gonna happen, Carl. It always does. And I don’t want… to be too sad, when you get hurt. Or when I get hurt.”

There’s a gentle thud as Carl falls back onto the bed, laying next to you over the covers. You don’t look at him, but he’s looking at you.

“Where’s the fun in that?” He asks, “It’s okay to be scared… but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do things that make you happy.”

You don’t respond, too embarrassed to admit the feelings that have been eating you up inside. The words you can’t seem to push past your lips, no matter how hard you try.

Luckily, Carl does it for you.

“Do I make you happy?”

It’s an innocent question, yet makes your face flush red, ashamed that he’s been able to pick you apart so easily. If your reaction wasn’t obvious enough, you meekly nod in confirmation.

If you were facing Carl, you’d see the smile that spread across his face.

“You make me happy, too. More than you could understand.” He tells you, an admission that warms your heart.

Finally, you look over at him, and find that Carl is closer than you anticipated. He’s taken his hat off, resting further on the bed, brown hair messily splashed out on the sheets.

A smile of your own makes its way onto your face, feeling understood in a way that’s become so foreign. This couldn’t get any better.

Until it did.

“Can I… kiss you?” Carl asks, an innocent request that reignites that fire within you, the one you’ve been ignoring for so long.

When you speak, it comes out in a nervous whisper, “Please.”

For the first time in months, you’ve found something that truely makes you happy. A little pleasure above all.

The way Carl gently places his lips on yours, hands cupping your face like it were made from porcelain, that you may shatter under his fingers. He’s nervous, but that’s okay. You’re nervous, too.

You could definitely get used to this.

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #twd #the walking dead #the walking dead x reader #twd x you #enid rhee

319 notes · View notes

dream-this-nightmare-over · 6 months

Text

John Shelby imagine

For all my John girlies!

hi @shelundeadxxxx :))))

As always, you can find this and many more imagines in my book of imagines

How many times have you thought to yourself if only I talked less, none of this would happen. If I learnt how to keep my mouth shut, everyone would move on in their ignorance and I wouldn't have to go through ordeal all too well known and expected of being scolded reprimanded shushed for speaking my mind. Peace is fractured ice in winter that permanently teases coming of spring if you are brave enough to break through. But there is always someone waiting on surface with hammer and axe to push you back under.

It's not the truth that scares. Aftermath is foreseeable agony. No weather check needs to announce emergency alarm for storm that is hurling once unleashed. To fight injustice with scarred armor is to walk through downpour in tattered raincoat and wonder later how you caught cold.

Y/n slept counted hours filled notebooks with filthy words in flowery handwriting. There were no books here but old photo albums coughing dust and history is best to leave unbothered. In house of screaming people, even ghosts hide grateful they have somewhere to escape. Our ghosts are ashamed of ourselves. Thought brought small smiles to y/p face. John didn't believe in ghosts. He would tease you till you were both rolling on the floor, him trickling you then nuzzling his face in your neck and cuddling in tight warm embrace till it was time to part. He knew how much you needed someone to just hold you tight to feel presence of another heart close to yours to calm you down and convince yours it's alive and loved and acknowledged. You would wrap yourself in his hug and he would watch you silently as you gave yourself to calm you only ever felt when you were together, calm washing over your heart leaving demons stranded cut off for time being. but john is brave; he does what he wants and he never gets caught.

All your bravery ever brought you is running away crying yourself to sleep telling yourself to breath soothing your heart that everything will be okay. No one ever listened to you. They treated your words like child's blabbering, like you haven't went through shit to see the truth But john saw you. 'I will marry you whenever you say you are ready' And you would thousand times already if there weren't your mother's tears flowing in your memory and father's helplessness to take back words make them unsaid.

Her relationship with John and Shelby fam had nothing to do with fact that she was being held as prisoner in her grandmother's home. It was the words she spoke, the bravery to talk back. Psycho granny who cant deal with world changing, people leaving, so she inserts herself in narrative as tyrannic matriarch when irl she is nothing but nuisance. Except when she locks you up, and leaves you to starve hoping it will teach you some respect and love. Funny how people believe you can force someone to respect you. Respect is earned. As for love, most elusive force of universe, yet there are still people out there who demand it like it's another thing you can trade on market. Suppose you can. But not the real kind.

John was one person who came into y/n's life and made breathing and loving seem like easiest things in world. They were best of pals, he never asked of her anything, but to be happy. When she was sad, he would go out of his way to make her laugh again, for he knew storms are here to pass and making it to the other side is always easier with friend by your side.

His adoration with y/n was evident to everyone, besotted from head to toe, if needed he would burn down every fucker and whole world that dared spill tears down y/n's cheeks. It was his girl. No one was allowed to mess with what is most prescious to Shelbys.

Y/n tried the door knob. Ran y/p fingers between door and frame gripping on surface testing to pull it open, scratching y/p nails down the wall then running back under covers before someone came and saw what y/p has done.

Time passed no one came. It seemed the world forgot about just another child who thought too much. Did Shelby's really didn't notice their friend missing?

Sun went up and went down, marking fourth day that y/n grandma locked y/p away for having opinion. guess that's how world works. It breaks your heart and takes your dreams and stomps out your hope and then sneers in your face asking why you didnt fight harder.

y/n was exhausted and defeated. Curled on carpet y/p could feel life seeping out as y/p whole body went in hibernation state. After seventh day, Only the mind was alive. Drenched in sweat, dizzy from hunger, whole world was dancing in peripheral but no one reached out a hand. She passed out from hunger several times, not bothering anymore to get back on her feet or drag her limp exhausted body on bed.

She was drifting through motions, not sure anymore what is real and what not. john was there aparation stepping from behind curtains, galaxy of freckles spinning on celling above her, his laugh seeping from memories all around her, his soft gaze those familiar blues telling her everything will be alright just like he always did when they would roll on floor his nonchalance and deep care hiding under soft touch as he caresses her face his sunrays reaching for soul underneath battered skin. As the passing clouds snuffed out the sunlight, casting whole room in sudden darkness, his blues would get stern and serious, gangster who knows what's the price to pay for every indulgence, he would tell her to hold on just a little longer. But her tortured mind on brink of collapsing would let go and drift in darkness, falling and watching blue lights of home on surface getting smaller and on the end eventually closing up, hope dangerously tethering just out of reach as darkness closed around her.

He will come, he promised. He will notice my absence, I am more than my silence.

She went out thinking back to days they spent sneaking out of crowded Garrison to make snowmen and have snowball fights in winter of their youth. John's smile flushed cheeks, his arms around her shoulders will she ever feel home again?

Next time she woke up, it was with bang.

It was early morning, dawn has barely risen when doors splintered in parts as someone force opened them.

Too weak to jolt, vibrations glided off y/p frame, just a lump of clothes on floor.

John comes in, impatience and worry all over his face, on his heels are his brothers checking for possible threats and surprises hiding in plain sight. But there was nothing there but one body on the carpet, wrapped in itself, peering at them through glassy stare.

John is wild with furry on the way there, collecting the gang ready for fight. Arthur and Tommy knew there was no stopping him, and when they heard how dire situation really was, they were ready in no time to take arms and end it for good. y/n was family, and attack on one is attack on all.

For her, John becomes softball. He marches into room kneeling down beside her body. Checking the pulls, he takes y/n in his arms laying her on settee. Gently touching her cheek relief flooding his features as your eyes open and find his.

'what made you take so long?' y/n tries weakly, always the one ready to crack the joke in every misfortune.

he pulls her in hug as answer. Restless, on verge of breaking, he gathers her in his arms, smell of lemon and tobacco envelopes her senses 'oh y/n, my dearest y/n'

she pulls back and he takes good look at her, cursing for ever letting her out of his sight. He turns around giving Tommy and Arthur a sign to go on with the plan.

'i am getting you out and burning this whole shithole down. "

Through haze y/n watch herself reaching towards his cheek half believing her hand will pass through another ghost of dearest face.

John takes her hand from his face and planta hard kiss on her palm.

"john, thoughts of you made me survive in this room"

There was warmth where cold stale breath of hallucination hanged and was being slowly dispersed as familiar blues stirred her heart back to life.

'i am so sorry for letting this happen. I should have been there. You are always on my mind, little one. i got held back, and - gosh- y/n, you mean too much to me to ever let anyone come close to you again' And they are both lost in embrace of thousand promises that no time or adversaries will stand a chance against bond stretching between them.

John wraps you in his coat, protective arm around you, smirk and toothpick in corner of his mouth as you descend the stairs and are joined by Tommy who is lighting his cigarette. 'Brother," he says handing John the match.

Tommy ushers you out on driveway where you wait for john to catch up. Arthur smiles fatherly, dusting his sleeves. 'No worries, mfs will pay for this.' Tommy shots him look that said 'don't ruin the surprise' fixing John's now yours coat then cradling your head to his chest in embrace. 'You alright, love?' he asks. You nod eating apple your first meal in a while, that Arthur produced from inside his coat, and he takes it as cue not to push it any further.

'I got it under control' You manage to make out through clattering teeth once John comes back. He pulls you closer planting a kiss on side of your head. 'I know you did, darling. I just brought logistics for final touch'

At that moment bomb blasts behind you, taking apart in explosion of embers that house of misery. It shakes the ground but john tucks you safely beside him as you all walk away together through smoke of new beginnings.

one foot in front of other, board the train and live out rest of your lives never leaving each other side.

#john shelby #john shelby x reader #john shelby imagine #john shelby one shot #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #peaky blinders imagine #john shelby fanfic #imagine #one shot #fanfic

73 notes · View notes

ronaldofandom · 1 year

Text

A Love Eternal / Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Chapter 9 is here!!

Entirely dedicated to RamSita. Deep conversations about their relationship and about what all they have gone through together. Covers the wholeness and incompleteness of their dynamic. Can be read as a one-shot.

No warnings.

I haven't found much content dedicated to them, hope that changes soon :)

Chapter 9

(Links to Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 10 , Ch 11)

Ram spent the next hour pacing along the outskirts of the village. Trying to find the right words to express the multitude of emotions raging through him. He couldn’t recollect the last time they had an honest conversation about their relationship. He had put it off for so long that the burden of unsaid feelings was hanging heavy between them. To the point that Ram was convinced it was all lost. But he would try to take Bheem’s advice and not assume anything. There was no point in putting this off any longer. Tonight, was as good (or as ominous) as any to speak to Sita. Maybe he won’t have to say much. Maybe she will just understand, like she understood everything else about him.

When he walked in, Sita was wrapping up her chores for the day.

‘How was the meeting? Did you learn anything useful from the informants?’

She asked, while handing him a bowl of herbal soup. To Ram, it smelt like petrol and tasted much worse. But he had learnt it the hard way that there was no scope for negotiation. Sita was in charge of Ram’s diet. It had been less than three weeks since his escape. He was yet to recover fully and to regain his strength. Sita had taken it upon herself to nurse him back to health. She prepared all his meals with special nutritional ingredients. Even when he was tied up somewhere else and couldn’t come to her to eat, she would send the food via someone.

Ram made a face while drinking the soup, which she pointedly ignored. And repeated her question.

‘Yes, the meeting was very fruitful. But…our village is under heavy surveillance. They are circling it to find any sign of me.’

She nodded silently, understanding the implication. They will have to stay here longer, away from their home. It wasn’t safe to return, not yet.

‘Hmmm. It’s fine. We will make do. Has Babai reached safely?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hmm. I can see the bowl is not empty, Ram. Pick it back up and finish it. We will not have the same conversation again.

He did so grudgingly. And she smiled at him fondly.

‘We are progressing well in teaching basic English to the informants. Jenny and I are taking extra classes. People have picked up really fast. We should be able to complete their training well before we had originally anticipated.’

Her eyes shone with silent determination and resolve, drawing Ram in.

‘Which reminds me, did they bring the medicinal herbs I had asked for? I need that to try some of the new techniques I learnt from the books you got for me.’

Her voice broke Ram out of his reverie.

‘Ummm yes. I think they got a few from your list. And some ready made potions from the bazaar as well. You will have it in the morning.’

‘Good. Lots of work to do.’

She cleaned Ram’s bowl, as he changed for the night. Unable to broach the subject yet.

‘When do you have to go for the supply run? Tell me in advance. I need to pack some healthy food for you.’

‘Day after tomorrow. Bheem and I will leave early morning, along with a few other men.’

‘Fine. I will get it ready by tomorrow night then.’

She got back to her work then, already thinking about the things she had to get done tomorrow.

Ram stood still, just looking at her. In some ways, she was the female version of him. It struck Ram how she never complained about their situation. Never asked him why he was late or why he had to go away for long. What needed to be done had to be done. She understood it as clearly as he did.

She had the same will, same resolve, same sense of duty, same fortitude of silent strength. She loved the land, the people as much as he did.

Yet, she was vastly different from him, in so many ways.

In their years of struggle, she hadn’t lost her humanity. Her empathy. Her morals. Her perceptiveness. Her kindness. She had managed to preserve a part of herself that wasn’t lost in pain & vengeance. She had retained a sense of hope. Of better times. For their motherland. For him and her. She hadn’t turned into an emotional wreck, a robot, a dysfunctional sociopath.

The revolution had not destroyed her true nature. Rather, it had enhanced it. In that way, she was a lot like Bheem.

Ram wished he could be like the two of them. Strong. Loving. Good.

His hands fisted and opened and fisted again in silent frustration.

‘Don’t you ever get tired? Does it not get too much sometimes?’

She turned around and looked at him in confusion.

‘Tired of what?’

‘Of being so….righteous all the time. Of taking care of everyone. Of giving all of yourself for everyone else, and not thinking about your own wishes at all. Of being this beacon of hope for everyone around you. Don’t you want to scream into a pillow sometimes? Or run away, without ever looking back?’

Sita looked at him for a few seconds, then moved closer to stand right in front of him.

She knew this was going to be a long, deep conversation. And she was glad - he was finally talking to her about stuff that was eating away at him.

‘I am no saint. I am a human, I get tired too. Frustration gets to me as well. There have been many moments where I have asked god why he did this to us. Why such cruelty was destined for us. Why we couldn’t have a normal childhood, a normal life, like anyone else. But then, I am reminded of what your Amma used to say - that our purpose in life is bigger than our own selves. God hasn’t singled us out for this pain. Rather, we are the chosen ones, to change the course of history forever. To create a better future for our country, our children, their children. To bring back the pride, the glory, the honour of our motherland. We are all soldiers for this cause, men and women alike. With a single goal that unites us all - to live in the Bharat of our dreams. So, how can I think of running away, Ram? When this runs in my blood. And where will I run to? Why will I abandon my people? Who am I without them?’

Ram shook his head in wonder, coupling it with a dry laugh.

While his father’s vows and words had hung like a dead weight on Ram’s shoulders, crippling him inside and out, her mother’s words had instead become a mantra of Sita’s life. She had embraced them fully - heart and soul. To the point where she was almost a reflection of his mother - a woman willing to sacrifice her husband and both sons for the larger cause of her country.

He felt the same warmth, same hope, same comfort and same care in Sita’s presence. Like he could put his face in her lap and all his troubles would go away. Her pallu a blanket of security around him.

He reached out tentatively, his fingers curling into hers.

‘Is it enough for you, then? Living for your country? Or, do you….do you want more from life?’

His voice turned small, but she heard what he said. And what he didn’t say.

She gently clasped his hands and squeezed them lightly.

‘I will take what I get, Ram. What comes my way. I will make my peace with it.’

His eyes shut in pain. In guilt. Was this her way of saying she would make do with whatever morsels of affection he throws her way, if at all?

‘I know that. I know you can take anything in your stride and deal with it. But my question is, DO YOU WANT MORE?’

Sita thought long and hard about her response.

‘Yes. Like I said, I am only human.’

Ram knew this was coming. He had seen the unspoken dreams in her eyes. And he had dreaded this situation. Because he didn’t know if he was capable of more. In fact, he was pretty certain that he wasn’t. The part of him, that knew how to love another human being so deeply, had died that day along with his family. Since that day, he had been too closed off, not letting anyone else get too close to his heart, not even Sita. Another loss of love would be too much for him to bear, so he had figured it would be best to not let anyone in. Over the years, that sentiment had cemented itself. This was now second nature to him.

He was too toxic, too heartless, too cold, too hopeless for someone as pure as Sita.

He truly wanted her to be happy. To get the ‘more’ she had been seeking all these years. For that to happen, he needed to disappear from her life.

He said all this out loud. Now that he had kept his promise to his father, he could go away somewhere else and participate in the movement there. She could be with another then, someone who would love her like she deserved. She could be free from this half-maiden, half-widow like life she had with him. Everyone would be better off with him gone, but most of all her.

He blurted all this out quickly, lest he ran out of courage. He looked up and saw the pools of tears in her eyes, which he had expected.

But he hadn’t expected what came next. Not even in his wildest dreams.

Sita slapped him. Hard. Across the face.

Normally, he wouldn’t have moved an inch from the force of it. But the shock of it almost made him tumble. It stung deeply and he covered his cheek with his hand, still processing what had happened.

‘If that’s what you think of me, if that’s how little you know me, then maybe you are right. Maybe we shouldn’t be together.’

Her tone and her words cut him deeply. She had recovered from her distraught state - fury was the prevailing emotion in her eyes now.

She came closer and fisted her hands in his shirt, shaking him with all her might.

‘When I said I wanted more, I meant I wanted more WITH YOU. Only and only with you.’

She shook him some more.

‘If my choices are status quo with you vs not having you at all, I will pick you every single day. No matter if someone else can offer me the sun. I don’t want it. DO YOU HEAR ME, RAM? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?’

He nodded at her, and she let go of his shirt. Taking two steps back.

‘Why?’

His voice was nearly a whisper now. He couldn’t fathom why she was so devoted to him. And he wanted to make sure it wasn’t due to a false sense of duty she might feel towards him.

‘Oh, you stupid fool, you can go to hell….’

He cut her off.

‘Please? I really need to know this. I want to understand. Why Sita, why me? Why still me? Even after everything that I have done? You may not even know the full details - let me tell you those. Let me tell you what I have stooped to, who I have become. You have a right to know everything.’

‘You don’t need to tell me anything. I know it all.’

‘You can’t possibly know…’

It was her turn to cut him off.

‘I know what you did to Bheem, both at the party and at the punishment site. Jenny told me. I know what you did to Lachchu when you held him for information. He told me himself. Rather, I coaxed it out of him when he was keeping his distance from me. The sweet boy was hesitating to tell me, lest I start thinking less of you. And, I know what you had to do in Delhi all those years, to rise up the ranks of British forces. Babai told me. Is there anything I am missing?’

Ram opened and closed his mouth, like a fish. She knew all this, yet she loved him. How? For what wapt reason? Could she not see that her childhood best friend had turned into a monster?

‘If you want me to say you made all the right decisions and I stand by you 100%, then you are grossly mistaken. Hurting Bheem, Lachchu, your own countrymen wasn’t right, wasn’t justified. You should spend your whole life to make up for it, if that’s what it takes. But, I also know that not everything is so black and white. Remember what your baba used to say - there is collateral damage in a war. The Pandavas had to fight and kill many friends on the opposite side - they had no choice. They didn’t know any other way’.

He listened with rapt attention, hanging on to every word she said.

‘Ram - I know you didn’t hurt your own countrymen out of spite. I know you didn’t take any pleasure from it. I know it’s eating away at you. I know you thought it was the only way, to not let your baba down. I know you are not this monster that you tout yourself to be. A monster does not carry the burden of remorse, like you do every second. I am not saying you are blameless. You should have tried harder to find another way instead of the path you chose, no matter how long it took. You came to that realisation later but it shouldn’t have come after you did what you did. But tell me - who should have told you otherwise? Who was there to guide you? You have been making every important decision of the village since you were 12 years old - you had no one to look to for support. You didn’t know any better. So, I can’t bring myself to hate you. I can’t bring myself to love you any lesser.’

Overwhelmed with emotion, Ram reached out to her and rested his head on her shoulder, seeking comfort in her embrace. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and patted his head gently. Suddenly, he felt like his 10 year old self, seeking her out when he got too overwhelmed. She was the only one who could soothe him then, and it seemed to be the case even now.

Knowing that she knew everything made him feel lighter. Knowing that she still loved him despite all this made him feel utterly unworthy of her love.

He wanted to do right by her. To do justice to her. She knew that. But she had some questions of her own too.

‘Ram - is there someone else?’

He looked up from her shoulder, straight into her eyes.

‘What?’

‘Well, we have been away for a very long time. Completely out of touch for the last four years. You have been alone all this while. It’s possible someone else may have caught your eye during this period. Someone who was a companion first, then a confidante and then maybe….more. You don’t have to feel duty bound to stay with me if that’s the case. You don’t have to worry about what might happen to me, what the villagers might think about me. I can handle that. But I don’t want to come in the way of your happiness. And I definitely don’t want to force this on you - three hearts will be broken and no one will be happy.’

She continued her rant. Ram was too shocked to intervene. But when she finished and asked him again whether he had anything to say, he started with that dry, cynical laugh again.

‘You think….you think I had any mind space to fall in love with someone else while I was in a living hell? You think I would…cheat on you?’

‘No…no I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I didn’t want you to…’

‘Shhhh….it’s fine. There is no one else Sita. There could never be anyone else, if not you.’

He hugged her. And she buried her face in the crook of his neck as his hands stroked her back.

‘Ram?’

‘Hmmm.’

‘What do you feel about me?’

Neither had the strength to look at the other while he responded to it, so they stayed in the embrace.

‘You are my biggest strength. All these years, I wanted to succeed for my family but also for you. I knew they wouldn’t be around when I go back, but you would be there, waiting for me with pride. I wanted to come home to you after fulfilling my promise. You are also my moral compass. Every time I did something heinous in Delhi, I confessed it to you in a letter which I never posted. I had fallen in my eyes long back, but I was afraid to fall in yours. Your disdain, your contempt, your indifference, your disgust would break me. I won’t know what to do with myself. I would lose my centre of gravity, my only constant in life, if I lose you. I can not imagine a world or my life without you in it.’

Her tears threatened to spill over, but she willed them away, not wanting to disturb his flow.

‘You are my oldest friend. The one person who really knows me for me. Who knows what has shaped the person I am today. Who wouldn’t hesitate to show me the mirror. Who would do everything to help me course correct if I stray from my path. You give me peace. You give me hope. You make me feel safe. You make me feel so…loved. In my book, you could do no wrong. You could never be not good. You are the best person I know. You and Bheem make me believe in goodness again. You are also the…most beautiful woman I know.’

She giggled in the middle of her sobs.

‘Really - what about all the city girls? Or the English women - I am sure many would have batted their eyelashes at you?’

He stroked her upper arms gently, as she continued to snuggle against him.

‘No one holds a candle to you. No one.’

She looked at him then, and wiped the lone tear that had escaped his eye.

‘Ram - I didn’t know you feel this way.’

‘How would you? I never said it before. Never showed it to you with my actions either.’

‘But I do know now, and you know what? I don’t need more. This is enough for me. Truly.’

She didn’t know whether what he said was synonymous with love. It felt close to it. Their bond was so deep, so familiar that if not in this life, he must have certainly loved her in another life.

Ram wasn’t buying it though.

‘You maybe saying it now, but will it suffice forever?’

‘Yes it will. I know it will.’

‘You are being stubborn, not really thinking it through. Are you sure you would never want your spouse to be as lovesick as say Bheem? Don’t you want what they have?’

Truth be told, while Ram knew that Bheem was a sensitive romantic at heart, he had never anticipated him to turn into such a lovesick puppy. At times, he almost wanted to whack him for all his fluffiness.

Sita was deep in thought. She had seen their bond up close and was privy to most of his thoughtful gestures. She had seen the giddiness on Jenny’s face every time she spoke about him or about something he had done for her. She had seen the way Bheem sought her out in any gathering, his eyes always searching for her. The way his face lit up when he spotted her. The stolen glances, the brushing of hands, the little whispers - the excitement of new love. The joy of discovering new things about your partner. And Ofcourse, …….the intimacy of their bond.

Ram was thinking the exact same things when she spoke again.

‘I will be lying if I say I haven’t thought about all that. It is exciting, it makes my heart ache a little and I do admit that. But would I take that over what we have? The answer is a resounding no.’

He was about to interrupt but she signalled him to stop.

‘I don’t need you to make flower garlands or shell necklaces for me - I know that’s not you. I don’t need you to follow me around like I am the centre of your universe. I don’t need you to drop everything and stay by my side. I don’t expect you to sing for me or cook for me or carry me around in your arms. I don’t need you to be him. I love you for you.’

‘I love how you always bring me the most interesting books, since I couldn’t be in the city & books are the only way for me to get exposure to the new world. I love how I am an equal partner in your revolution - it’s always been the two of us, together. I love how you always encourage me to grow my skills. I love how you always share everything about the revolution with me and take my opinion on key matters. I love how you want to bring me along for some of your upcoming missions, to be able to spread the knowledge among other women. I love how proud you are of me.’

‘I love that you think of me as your home because….you are the only home I have ever known. Since I remember anything, I remember you. We were bound together by life, by destiny. Why should I want the giddiness of new love, when I have the certainty & comfort of years of togetherness. Why should I want the thrill of discovering new things, when I am the one who knows you inside out? Why should I wonder what future holds for us, when I already know we would spend the rest of our lives together, however long we may have. Ram - what they have is great and I am very happy for them. But trust me, what we have is even better. It works for us.’

Ram was speechless after her passionate submission. She reached out for his hands again, holding them close to her cheeks.

‘I wish we could have both. I wish I could give you everything. It’s not fair to you. But hey, when has life ever been fair to us?

She smiled, despite her emotional state.

‘What if…what if we are never able to be…together like that? I know you love children. And don’t tell me you don’t want your own kids.’

Sita was anticipating this, the final piece of the puzzle.

‘We don’t know what the future holds for us. If we are meant to have our own kids, we will. If not, we can always adopt right? We will figure something out.’

‘Hmmmm.’

Ram had no other argument left. She had won, convincingly. And he was secretly glad about it. The chasm between them all this while had been too painful for both. He swore to never have that emotional distance from her again.

‘Its late - should we get some sleep?’

He nodded and took out the mat, while Sita laid on the cot. This was their routine. A few minutes passed and both were on the brink of sleep.

‘Sita?’

He called out from below.

‘Hmm.’

‘I can’t believe you slapped me.’

She laughed. Out loud. For the first time that night. It sounded beautiful to him. He wished she did that more often.

‘Well, someone had to do it to tell you how idiotic you can be. Bheem and I were the most likely candidates. But he would never do this to his Anna so it had to be me.’

Ram could see the logic in that, but he didn’t intend to let it go anytime soon.

‘It hurt. A lot. I think a bruise is forming.’

‘Awww. And I thought you didn’t blink an eye for 2 months when they beat you up. Yet a tiny bruise from a girl’s bare hand is hurting a lot?’

Well played, he thought. She giggled again at his concession of defeat.

He was silent for another two minutes. She was half asleep by then.

‘Sita?’

‘What now?’

‘Will you marry me?’

She suddenly became fully alert.

‘But..we were anyway supposed to…’

‘I know. Everyone just assumed that we will get married one day. Like both of us did too. But….but I never really asked you, did I? So I want to ask now, right now. Will you marry me? Not because we were always supposed to get married but because we WANT to spend whatever life we have left together?’

‘Is this your way of proposing to me? When both of us are half asleep? And after the draining talk we just had?’

‘Yes.’

‘I expected nothing different. Yes - I will marry you, Ram. In my heart, we have been married for years. But let’s do a proper ceremony for everyone, and for us, whenever we can make our way back home.’

‘Okay.’

‘Good night. Try to get some sleep now.’

He smiled. His first heartfelt smile tonight.

‘Good night, fiance.’

Two minutes more. Her soft snores started to fill the room. Sleep never came easy to Ram but he liked to watch her sleep - it gave him peace and some sense of relaxation.

But something was bothering him still. He knew he won’t get even a few hours of rest if his mind is not eased.

‘Ummm, Sita are you asleep?’

‘No. I snore while being awake. OFCOURSE I was asleep.’

‘Sorry.’

She heard the pain and restlessness in his voice.

‘What is it? The nightmares are back, are they?’

‘No, not that.’

‘What is it then? What’s bothering you?’

He spoke after a few seconds of silence.

‘Do you think I will ever be able to earn the forgiveness of my countrymen? The several who I have wronged?’

From the cot, Sita extended her arm towards him and he held her hand.

‘You have to keep trying. You have to keep fighting for our country. And one day, maybe, they will forgive you. It’s a long journey, Ram, and I will be with you every step of the way.’

He squeezed her hand in response. Thanking the universe for her.

‘Every time I see Bheem, I am reminded of the way he looked at me that night. First in disbelief, then in pain, and then broken with betrayal. But, on the day of the….punishment, he refused to look at me at all. Like I wasn’t worthy of any emotion from him, not even disgust. And yet, he….he risked his life to come back for me. How will I ever make it right with him? He refuses to even talk about it. He refuses to let me apologise.’

She knew how much this pained him. Hurting Bheem had broken him the most.

‘First of all, you need to apologise to everyone who was there and is scarred by that memory. Not just Bheem. But his friends who accompanied him to Delhi and also, Jenny.’

‘I have spoken to her. Somewhat. But yeah, don’t think I have apologised explicitly. And Lachchu - I tried many times but he just tolerates my presence somehow. That will take time. I will speak to the others.’

‘Good. And about Bheem - ask him to show you his scars.’

‘His what?’

‘The scars that he got from the lashing. And from being beaten up while in captivity. Ask him to show them to you.’

‘Aren’t they…aren’t they healed by now?’

‘No. They are better but far from being healed. Jenny is still applying the salve twice a day.’

He felt sick to the core. Bheem hadn’t told him this, of course he didn’t. And he hadn’t asked, the coward that he was. Then and now.

‘But…what…what good would that do?’

‘It’s the only way both of you will face the reality of what happened. You are both brushing it under the carpet, thinking it will just go away. The physical scars will go away, Ram, but the emotional scars will fester the longer they are unaddressed. He says he is fine but subconsciously, he is hurting too. Ask him what he felt, what he had to go through. Ask him how he spent the two months in hiding, struggling to make ends meet. Living with the worst betrayal of his life. Have a real conversation with him about this. Not the superficial one you both do, where you guys just say how much you love each other and it’s all fine. No, it’s not fine. You have to work on it to make it fine, to be able to move on.’

Ram stayed still as her words echoed in the quiet of the night.

‘When did you become so wise?’

‘When you became this stupid. Needed to restore the balance.’

They stayed like that - her on the cot and him on the mat, arms outstretched, holding hands. The sound of her calm breathing lulling him to a few hours of sleep, without any nightmares.

.......................................................................

Phew! I hope I did them justice. As always, would love to hear your thoughts :)

Shout out to @fangirlshrewt97 for brainstorming some of the scenes with me.

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @yehsahihai @budugu @maraudersbitchesassemble @juhiiiiii @justmeand-myinsight @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @bromance-minus-the-b @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland @annieginny @chaanv @ssabriel @sally-for-sally @milla984 @doodlesofthelastpage @boochhaan @mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @ladydarkey @teddybat24 @stanleykubricks @stuckyandlarrystuff @burningsheepcrown @veteran-fanperson @voidsteffy @ronika-writes-stuff @beingmes-blog @yonderghostshistories @nisreenart @chaidrivenwhore @bheemaxrama @carminavulcana @umbrulla @mizutaama @rosefulmadness @gifseafins

#rrr #bheem #ntr jr #jr ntr #love #tarak #bheem rrr #komuram bheem #charan #rrr fanfic #rambheem #bheemjenny #charak #jenny #ram #sita rrr #ramsita #rrr ramsita

64 notes · View notes

rjalker · 4 months

Text

More paragraph breaks added by me because the originals go on for several pages if left alone.

almost 4k words long

@thenixkat I think you'd enjoy this one if you haven't read it yet

The Story of the Youth Who Went Forth to Learn What Fear Was

A certain father had two sons, the elder of who was smart and sensible, and could do everything, but the younger was stupid and could neither learn nor understand anything, and when people saw him they said: ‘There’s a fellow who will give his father some trouble!’

When anything had to be done, it was always the elder who was forced to do it; but if his father bade him fetch anything when it was late, or in the night-time, and the way led through the churchyard, or any other dismal place, he answered: ‘Oh, no father, I’ll not go there, it makes me shudder!’ for he was afraid. Or when stories were told by the fire at night which made the flesh creep, the listeners sometimes said: ‘Oh, it makes us shudder!’

The younger sat in a corner and listened with the rest of them, and could not imagine what they could mean. ‘They are always saying: “It makes me shudder, it makes me shudder!” It does not make me shudder,’ thought he. ‘That, too, must be an art of which I understand nothing!’

Now it came to pass that his father said to him one day: ‘Hearken to me, you fellow in the corner there, you are growing tall and strong, and you too must learn something by which you can earn your bread. Look how your brother works, but you do not even earn your salt.’

‘Well, father,’ he replied, ‘I am quite willing to learn something—indeed, if it could but be managed, I should like to learn how to shudder. I don’t understand that at all yet.’

The elder brother smiled when he heard that, and thought to himself: ‘Goodness, what a blockhead that brother of mine is! He will never be good for anything as long as he lives! He who wants to be a sickle must bend himself betimes.’

The father sighed, and answered him: ‘You shall soon learn what it is to shudder, but you will not earn your bread by that.’

Soon after this the sexton came to the house on a visit, and the father bewailed his trouble, and told him how his younger son was so backward in every respect that he knew nothing and learnt nothing. ‘Just think,’ said he, ‘when I asked him how he was going to earn his bread, he actually wanted to learn to shudder.’

‘If that be all,’ replied the sexton, ‘he can learn that with me. Send him to me, and I will soon polish him.’ The father was glad to do it, for he thought: ‘It will train the boy a little.’

The sexton therefore took him into his house, and he had to ring the church bell. After a day or two, the sexton awoke him at midnight, and bade him arise and go up into the church tower and ring the bell. ‘You shall soon learn what shuddering is,’ thought he, and secretly went there before him; and when the boy was at the top of the tower and turned round, and was just going to take hold of the bell rope, he saw a white figure standing on the stairs opposite the sounding hole. ‘Who is there?’ cried he, but the figure made no reply, and did not move or stir. ‘Give an answer,’ cried the boy, ‘or take yourself off, you have no business here at night.’

The sexton, however, remained standing motionless that the boy might think he was a ghost. The boy cried a second time: ‘What do you want here?—speak if you are an honest fellow, or I will throw you down the steps!’

The sexton thought: ‘He can’t mean to be as bad as his words,’ uttered no sound and stood as if he were made of stone. Then the boy called to him for the third time, and as that was also to no purpose, he ran against him and pushed the ghost down the stairs, so that it fell down the ten steps and remained lying there in a corner. Thereupon he rang the bell, went home, and without saying a word went to bed, and fell asleep.

The sexton’s wife waited a long time for her husband, but he did not come back. At length she became uneasy, and wakened the boy, and asked: ‘Do you know where my husband is? He climbed up the tower before you did.’

‘No, I don’t know,’ replied the boy, ‘but someone was standing by the sounding hole on the other side of the steps, and as he would neither give an answer nor go away, I took him for a scoundrel, and threw him downstairs. Just go there and you will see if it was he. I should be sorry if it were.’

The woman ran away and found her husband, who was lying moaning in the corner, and had broken his leg.

She carried him down, and then with loud screams she hastened to the boy’s father, ‘Your boy,’ cried she, ‘has been the cause of a great misfortune! He has thrown my husband down the steps so that he broke his leg. Take the good-for-nothing fellow out of our house.’

The father was terrified, and ran thither and scolded the boy. ‘What wicked tricks are these?’ said he. ‘The devil must have put them into your head.’

‘Father,’ he replied, ‘do listen to me. I am quite innocent. He was standing there by night like one intent on doing evil. I did not know who it was, and I entreated him three times either to speak or to go away.’

‘Ah,’ said the father, ‘I have nothing but unhappiness with you. Go out of my sight. I will see you no more.’

‘Yes, father, right willingly, wait only until it is day. Then will I go forth and learn how to shudder, and then I shall, at any rate, understand one art which will support me.’

‘Learn what you will,’ spoke the father, ‘it is all the same to me. Here are fifty talers for you. Take these and go into the wide world, and tell no one from whence you come, and who is your father, for I have reason to be ashamed of you.’

‘Yes, father, it shall be as you will. If you desire nothing more than that, I can easily keep it in mind.’

When the day dawned, therefore, the boy put his fifty talers into his pocket, and went forth on the great highway, and continually said to himself: ‘If I could but shudder! If I could but shudder!’

Then a man approached who heard this conversation which the youth was holding with himself, and when they had walked a little farther to where they could see the gallows, the man said to him: ‘Look, there is the tree where seven men have married the ropemaker’s daughter, and are now learning how to fly. Sit down beneath it, and wait till night comes, and you will soon learn how to shudder.’

‘If that is all that is wanted,’ answered the youth, ‘it is easily done; but if I learn how to shudder as fast as that, you shall have my fifty talers. Just come back to me early in the morning.’

Then the youth went to the gallows, sat down beneath it, and waited till evening came. And as he was cold, he lighted himself a fire, but at midnight the wind blew so sharply that in spite of his fire, he could not get warm. And as the wind knocked the hanged men against each other, and they moved backwards and forwards, he thought to himself: ‘If you shiver below by the fire, how those up above must freeze and suffer!’

And as he felt pity for them, he raised the ladder, and climbed up, unbound one of them after the other, and brought down all seven.

Then he stoked the fire, blew it, and set them all round it to warm themselves. But they sat there and did not stir, and the fire caught their clothes. So he said: ‘Take care, or I will hang you up again.’ The dead men, however, did not hear, but were quite silent, and let their rags go on burning. At this he grew angry, and said: ‘If you will not take care, I cannot help you, I will not be burnt with you,’ and he hung them up again each in his turn.

Then he sat down by his fire and fell asleep, and the next morning the man came to him and wanted to have the fifty talers, and said: ‘Well do you know how to shudder?’

‘No,’ answered he, ‘how should I know? Those fellows up there did not open their mouths, and were so stupid that they let the few old rags which they had on their bodies get burnt.’

Then the man saw that he would not get the fifty talers that day, and went away saying: ‘Such a youth has never come my way before.’

The youth likewise went his way, and once more began to mutter to himself: ‘Ah, if I could but shudder! Ah, if I could but shudder!’

A waggoner who was striding behind him heard this and asked: ‘Who are you?’

‘I don’t know,’ answered the youth.

Then the waggoner asked: ‘From whence do you come?’

‘I know not.’

‘Who is your father?’

‘That I may not tell you.’

‘What is it that you are always muttering between your teeth?’

‘Ah,’ replied the youth, ‘I do so wish I could shudder, but no one can teach me how.’

‘Enough of your foolish chatter,’ said the waggoner. ‘Come, go with me, I will see about a place for you.’

The youth went with the waggoner, and in the evening they arrived at an inn where they wished to pass the night. Then at the entrance of the parlour the youth again said quite loudly: ‘If I could but shudder! If I could but shudder!’

The host who heard this, laughed and said: ‘If that is your desire, there ought to be a good opportunity for you here.’

'Ah, be silent,’ said the hostess, ‘so many prying persons have already lost their lives, it would be a pity and a shame if such beautiful eyes as these should never see the daylight again.’

But the youth said: ‘However difficult it may be, I will learn it. For this purpose indeed have I journeyed forth.’ He let the host have no rest, until the latter told him, that not far from thence stood a haunted castle where anyone could very easily learn what shuddering was, if he would but watch in it for three nights.

The king had promised that he who would venture should have his daughter to wife, and she was the most beautiful maiden the sun shone on. Likewise in the castle lay great treasures, which were guarded by evil spirits, and these treasures would then be freed, and would make a poor man rich enough.

Already many men had gone into the castle, but as yet none had come out again.

Then the youth went next morning to the king, and said: ‘If it be allowed, I will willingly watch three nights in the haunted castle.’

The king looked at him, and as the youth pleased him, he said: ‘You may ask for three things to take into the castle with you, but they must be things without life.’

Then he answered: ‘Then I ask for a fire, a turning lathe, and a cutting-board with the knife.’

The king had these things carried into the castle for him during the day. When night was drawing near, the youth went up and made himself a bright fire in one of the rooms, placed the cutting-board and knife beside it, and seated himself by the turning-lathe. ‘Ah, if I could but shudder!’ said he, ‘but I shall not learn it here either.’

Towards midnight he was about to poke his fire, and as he was blowing it, something cried suddenly from one corner: ‘Au, miau! how cold we are!’

‘You fools!’ cried he, ‘what are you crying about? If you are cold, come and take a seat by the fire and warm yourselves.’ And when he had said that, two great black cats came with one tremendous leap and sat down on each side of him, and looked savagely at him with their fiery eyes.

After a short time, when they had warmed themselves, they said: ‘Comrade, shall we have a game of cards?’

‘Why not?’ he replied, ‘but just show me your paws.’ Then they stretched out their claws. ‘Oh,’ said he, ‘what long nails you have! Wait, I must first cut them for you.’

Thereupon he seized them by the throats, put them on the cutting-board and screwed their feet fast. ‘I have looked at your fingers,’ said he, ‘and my fancy for card-playing has gone,’ and he struck them dead and threw them out into the water.

But when he had made away with these two, and was about to sit down again by his fire, out from every hole and corner came black cats and black dogs with red-hot chains, and more and more of them came until he could no longer move, and they yelled horribly, and got on his fire, pulled it to pieces, and tried to put it out.

He watched them for a while quietly, but at last when they were going too far, he seized his cutting-knife, and cried: ‘Away with you, vermin,’ and began to cut them down.

Some of them ran away, the others he killed, and threw out into the fish-pond. When he came back he fanned the embers of his fire again and warmed himself. And as he thus sat, his eyes would keep open no longer, and he felt a desire to sleep. Then he looked round and saw a great bed in the corner. ‘That is the very thing for me,’ said he, and got into it.

When he was just going to shut his eyes, however, the bed began to move of its own accord, and went over the whole of the castle. ‘That’s right,’ said he, ‘but go faster.’ Then the bed rolled on as if six horses were harnessed to it, up and down, over thresholds and stairs, but suddenly hop, hop, it turned over upside down, and lay on him like a mountain.

But he threw quilts and pillows up in the air, got out and said: ‘Now anyone who likes, may drive,’ and lay down by his fire, and slept till it was day.

In the morning the king came, and when he saw him lying there on the ground, he thought the evil spirits had killed him and he was dead. Then said he: ‘After all it is a pity,—for so handsome a man.’

The youth heard it, got up, and said: ‘It has not come to that yet.’ Then the king was astonished, but very glad, and asked how he had fared.

‘Very well indeed,’ answered he; ‘one night is past, the two others will pass likewise.’

Then he went to the innkeeper, who opened his eyes very wide, and said: ‘I never expected to see you alive again! Have you learnt how to shudder yet?’

‘No,’ said he, ‘it is all in vain. If someone would but tell me!’

The second night he again went up into the old castle, sat down by the fire, and once more began his old song: ‘If I could but shudder!’

When midnight came, an uproar and noise of tumbling about was heard; at first it was low, but it grew louder and louder. Then it was quiet for a while, and at length with a loud scream, half a man came down the chimney and fell before him. ‘Hullo!’ cried he, ‘another half belongs to this. This is not enough!’ Then the uproar began again, there was a roaring and howling, and the other half fell down likewise. ‘Wait,’ said he, ‘I will just stoke up the fire a little for you.’

When he had done that and looked round again, the two pieces were joined together, and a hideous man was sitting in his place. ‘That is no part of our bargain,’ said the youth, ‘the bench is mine.’ The man wanted to push him away; the youth, however, would not allow that, but thrust him off with all his strength, and seated himself again in his own place.

Then still more men fell down, one after the other; they brought nine dead men’s legs and two skulls, and set them up and played at nine-pins with them.

The youth also wanted to play and said: ‘Listen you, can I join you?’

‘Yes, if you have any money.’

‘Money enough,’ replied he, ‘but your balls are not quite round.’ Then he took the skulls and put them in the lathe and turned them till they were round. ‘There, now they will roll better!’ said he.

‘Hurrah! now we’ll have fun!’

He played with them and lost some of his money, but when it struck twelve, everything vanished from his sight. He lay down and quietly fell asleep.

Next morning the king came to inquire after him. ‘How has it fared with you this time?’ asked he.

‘I have been playing at nine-pins,’ he answered, ‘and have lost a couple of farthings.’

‘Have you not shuddered then?’

‘What?’ said he, ‘I have had a wonderful time! If I did but know what it was to shudder!’

The third night he sat down again on his bench and said quite sadly: ‘If I could but shudder.’

When it grew late, six tall men came in and brought a coffin. Then he said: ‘Ha, ha, that is certainly my little cousin, who died only a few days ago,’ and he beckoned with his finger, and cried: ‘Come, little cousin, come.’ They placed the coffin on the ground, but he went to it and took the lid off, and a dead man lay therein.

He felt his face, but it was cold as ice. ‘Wait,’ said he, ‘I will warm you a little,’ and went to the fire and warmed his hand and laid it on the dead man’s face, but he remained cold. Then he took him out, and sat down by the fire and laid him on his breast and rubbed his arms that the blood might circulate again.

As this also did no good, he thought to himself: ‘When two people lie in bed together, they warm each other,’ and carried him to the bed, covered him over and lay down by him. After a short time the dead man became warm too, and began to move. Then said the youth, ‘See, little cousin, have I not warmed you?’

The dead man, however, got up and cried: ‘Now will I strangle you.’

‘What!’ said he, ‘is that the way you thank me? You shall at once go into your coffin again,’ and he took him up, threw him into it, and shut the lid. Then came the six men and carried him away again. ‘I cannot manage to shudder,’ said he. ‘I shall never learn it here as long as I live.’

Then a man entered who was taller than all others, and looked terrible. He was old, however, and had a long white beard.

‘You wretch,’ cried he, ‘you shall soon learn what it is to shudder, for you shall die.’

‘Not so fast,’ replied the youth. ‘If I am to die, I shall have to have a say in it.’

‘I will soon seize you,’ said the fiend.

‘Softly, softly, do not talk so big. I am as strong as you are, and perhaps even stronger.’

‘We shall see,’ said the old man. ‘If you are stronger, I will let you go—come, we will try.’

Then he led him by dark passages to a smith’s forge, took an axe, and with one blow struck an anvil into the ground.

‘I can do better than that,’ said the youth, and went to the other anvil. The old man placed himself near and wanted to look on, and his white beard hung down. Then the youth seized the axe, split the anvil with one blow, and in it caught the old man’s beard. ‘Now I have you,’ said the youth. ‘Now it is your turn to die.’

Then he seized an iron bar and beat the old man till he moaned and entreated him to stop, when he would give him great riches. The youth drew out the axe and let him go. The old man led him back into the castle, and in a cellar showed him three chests full of gold. ‘Of these,’ said he, ‘one part is for the poor, the other for the king, the third yours.’

In the meantime it struck twelve, and the spirit disappeared, so that the youth stood in darkness. ‘I shall still be able to find my way out,’ said he, and felt about, found the way into the room, and slept there by his fire.

Next morning the king came and said: ‘Now you must have learnt what shuddering is?’

‘No,’ he answered; ‘what can it be? My dead cousin was here, and a bearded man came and showed me a great deal of money down below, but no one told me what it was to shudder.’

‘Then,’ said the king, ‘you have saved the castle, and shall marry my daughter.’

‘That is all very well,’ said he, ‘but still I do not know what it is to shudder!’

Then the gold was brought up and the wedding celebrated; but howsoever much the young king loved his wife, and however happy he was, he still said always: ‘If I could but shudder—if I could but shudder.’ And this at last angered her.

Her waiting-maid said: ‘I will find a cure for him; he shall soon learn what it is to shudder.’ She went out to the stream which flowed through the garden, and had a whole bucketful of gudgeons brought to her.

At night when the young king was sleeping, his wife was to draw the clothes off him and empty the bucket full of cold water with the gudgeons in it over him, so that the little fishes would sprawl about him.

Then he woke up and cried: ‘Oh, what makes me shudder so?—what makes me shudder so, dear wife? Ah! now I know what it is to shudder!’

#Rjalker reads Grimms' Fairy Tales #Public domain #public domain stories #public domain characters #fairy tales

6 notes · View notes

agentnatesewell · 1 year

Note

hey there! generally speaking I'd come off anon for this but it's been a while since I've properly been on tumblr and I'm too lazy to recover my login info lol. but anyway, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your blog and it's always a pleasure to read your thoughts and theories about N, as a fellow N mancer! hence why I'm sending you this ask, I haven't seen anyone bring this up yet so I'd love to know your thoughts!

but to get to the actual point of the ask, I've been replaying the N route in book 3 and exploring different choices and picked up on something interesting, I think. 👀 so when you're on the "no one learnt about the supernatural" branch, if you're sober when you come back to the warehouse, you can kiss N. and it really piqued my attention because the text describes the kiss as tasting metallic, which I feel was definitely an intentional choice of words. especially because from what I've noticed, Mishka generally doesn't often include descriptions of how the detective's LI "tastes" when describing kiss scenes and usually the descriptions focus on other sensations and emotions. in addition to this, the other aspect that really made me go hmm here is also the fact that if you ask N what they've been doing while waiting for the detective to come back, they ofc deflect the question and turn on the charm/suaveness and say something along the lines of "even a vampire has to have secrets".

so both of these little things combined really makes me wonder wtf they were doing?? now of course I'm not trying to jump to any nefarious or malicious conclusions or anything like that lol. but it's still definitely something to think about. like idk I wonder if they were drinking blood or doing something with blood?? it could be nothing ofc but I just can't seem to let go of the description of the metallic tasting kiss, it's been on my mind since I read that scene and it definitely feels like a very purposeful hint for something, I just don't know what. now I feel mildly unsettled lol, who knows what N route, X tier related angst Mishka has in store for us!! but idk maybe I'm also just focusing on it too much and overthinking stuff haha.

Hello friend!! If you ever do log in, please drop me a message! Thank you so much for being so lovely and nice! So happy you like the blog - crying about N is seriously one of my favorite things to do.

Going to put my answer being a cut since it’s long + spoilers

It’s so cool that upon replaying and trying the routes, that there are all of these pieces that really start coming together to create this multifaceted story. I’ve only done the Verda dinner with N, Tina dinner with A, and Verda/Tina with F (so, will be a similar scene to what you got! Curious how it’ll go with F). Luckily, a friend had sent me some screenshots of your detective comes home drunk so I do have some context!

I like where you’re going with this, I do the same thing - look at anything for a clue to what their tier x power is. And definitely see where you’re going here!

It seems to me that the detective caught N post-meal (and maybe slipping a bit, blood tastes differently to them, like something pleasant vs the more metallic taste the detective tasted). And N’s kiss was described in the beginning of the book but you’re so right, the way the kisses taste isn’t necessarily a feature of the scene. So, I think you’re also right that it’s deliberate - that usually N tastes like nectar but in this scene, they taste metallic.

With N’s whole … discomfort of being seen/known as a vampire, their wish for humanity and to be seen as human, I can see how maybe they’d not want to being up that their dinner was actually what is necessary to sustain them - their half ration of blood (they were hungry!). Now, we did have the breakfast scene but I’ve never noticed how N drank their blood (tell me where I’m missing it though! Just haven’t seen it!) … F is made to put it in a glass, A in the wine glass, M out of the pouch, but N? Idk!

And I think it pulled into their whole conversation about being a mystery and having their secrets (if you got that in your version!) … something they’re just not ready to fully commit to and share with the detective YET. Which is a parallel to speaking with Verda and Tina about it at dinner time. Since they were asked, and they were willing to answer the really uncomfortable questions to help the detective and their friend.

All such good thoughts!! Thank you so much for sharing them with me! It was really fun to think about. Let me know or you have anymore things to discuss! Hope you’re having a great day!

#thank you for the ask!#anon ask #i am going to have to play a few times and get this option because i am curious!#n is just so much more mysterious as the books go on #twc #n sewell #mar rambles #long post

19 notes · View notes

skinny-mols · 1 year

Text

*trigger warning - childloss and suicide*

God is in the gathering, before we even know it

I've learnt a lot about friendships and people in the last 2 years. It was around this time 2 years ago I discovered my partner at the time had been having a very lengthy affair with his work colleague. I told my friends and was met with all the same "I'm sorry, you should kick his arse to the curb" messages, only things were more complicated than that and I had made mistakes within the relationship also. We loved each other and we agreed to try again.

I woke up one morning and my body felt different and like it wasn't just mine. I said to myself "ew what's up with me I feel odd" and I heard a voice in my head say "you should take a test"

Pregnant. 2 strong bold lines. Out came a second test, pregnant.

I was shocked but the joy and love that overwhelmed me for my tiny baby was stronger than any other feeling I had experienced in this world, so much so I was obsessed with buying tests and taking them just so I could read the words pregnant or look at the lines. I was going to be a mother ❤️

My partner wasn't very happy but I thought maybe it was just the shock of it all. It hardly fazed me because the love and connection I felt with my little unborn baby was so powerful and all I cared for was being a healthy and safe place for my baby to grow. He felt like a boy and I was already imagining his perfect tiny toes and fingers and what he would be like when he came into the world, I found myself laying there for hours a day just stroking my tummy and talking to him and when I slept at night my hand was always where he was so I could bond with him more each hour.

Everything changed 2 weeks later when I heard the words "you can't have your baby, you need to have a termination"

Shattered. My entire world just shattered and before I could even process anything I was being sent a medical package containing everything I needed to end my pregnancy at home. It was the end of the final covid lockdown and early pregnancy termination had been approved to be done at home by the use of tablets - one of the most dangerous and irresponsible decisions the UK healthcare system has ever made.

The nurse explained the process to me and as she spoke I could only hear ringing and white noise in my ears, this was not the first time but was the strongest time I have experienced major dissociation and nothing felt real.

We were being phased out of the final lockdown and I was due to return to work in a matter of days. The nurse was talking about how I would need rest and wouldn't be able to do anything for a few weeks and that symptoms can vary, the whole time she was talking I was just sat with my hand on my tummy as silent tears rolled down my cheeks. "Not my baby" I kept repeating to myself, hoping it would all go away.

Out of all the talking the only words I remembered hearing the most clear was

"You need to tell your manager at work what you are going through incase of a medical emergency so they can support you"

"I can't tell him" I responded with. "Miss page you need to inform your workplace, as you are unable to take the weeks off required for rest they need to know incase you suffer major hemmorages or other medical emergencies from this process. You need to tell your manager you can't do heavy duties"

"I can't tell him" I kept saying, The tears got heavier and I lost the ability to speak. "I haven't even told anybody I'm pregnant yet, I can't tell them I'm losing my baby" the more the nurse spoke the more I realised it wasn't up for discussion and that I was going to have to tell my boss what was going on.

I decided in the following days I wasn't going to tell him. I wasn't going to tell anybody, not even my mum. I kept pushing back the date of when I would take my first tablet to start the process, I just wanted a little more time with my baby before I had to say goodbye.

It was Monday, and I got a message from my boss to say we would have a conference call the next day to discuss the return to work. Shortly after I got a phone call "Miss page, the nurse is going to call you tomorrow to talk you through your medical package as you really need to begin the process now and we need to ask you medical questions before you begin. We will call you automatically at 10.30 tomorrow so please answer"

It was the same time as my work conference and I looked at my partner as he said "I think your going to have to tell work what's going on"

I was dreading it, I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want it to happen. The moment I discovered I was going to be a mother I had no desire to return to my job, I hadn't been doing great at work and the last day before lockdown I'd had another disagreement with my boss about my performance so I had already decided I was done with that place. I liked my boss a lot and respected him but our working relationship wasn't great because I wasn't willing to admit out loud I wasn't being a great manager, even though I knew it deep down and knew all the cristism he gave me was the truth I had a bad attitude and was unwilling to change.

"Ugh, the guy can't stand me" I said to my partner "he's the last person I want to tell because I don't want him to think even less of me than he already does and I can't afford to have anything effect my professional behaviour this year as things are bad enough"

"Well if you don't tell him I will, you are not missing the call with the nurse for your retail job so you better find a way to tell him" my partner responded.

Great. All I could think about was the last time I spoke to my boss we were arguing over the position of Christmas crackers in the shop(it wasn't funny then but i laugh at this now😂) and how I then skipped home for lockdown and didn't complete the tasks he asked me to do before leaving, resulting in a rather cross message from him asking why I hadn't done my job - which I ignored.

"How am I supposed to tell him what I'm going through and expect him to support me when I've been such a pain in the workplace and caused endless issues?" I had no balls to even compose the text but against my will I did.

I figured out when the right time to take my pills would be so it didn't cause me to miss anymore work than my assigned 2 days off as I couldn't bare the thought of being an immediate problem on return from lockdown. Then I composed the text, explaining to him I would have to miss the call and why and how I was going to handle the process so I wouldn't miss work. Sent.

It was then I felt my heart shatter. The strongest emotional pain washed over me as a re read the text back to myself. The telling someone else of what I was going through suddenly made the whole thing a reality and the dread of his response dissapeared as the real dread set in "how am I going to force myself to take these tablets?"

I started thinking about discarding them, I wanted to lie and tell everyone they didn't work and that my baby was here to stay, I knew it wouldn't work and deeper and deeper the reality sunk in that my baby wouldn't be here much longer.

My boss responded, I don't remember word for word what It said but all I remember reading was the words "I'm so sorry to hear that, if you need anything please let me know" and we agreed to discuss what was happening on my return to work call the following day. It was done, and suddenly a light weight lifted as I realised it would be ok if I told my good friends and leaned on them for support.

I told my girlfriends what was happening, why and when it would happen. I broke down as I explained the day I would start the process and how long it would last for. The responses from them were odd but I realised it wasn't a nice thing to hear and sometimes people don't have the words to console you.

Sunday. The day came where I had to take my first tablet to start the process. I can honestly say out of everything I have experienced in life this was the hardest, most heartbreaking and loneliest experience I hope to never have again. I took the tablet exactly 48 hours before I was due to take the rest of them and then cried myself to sleep before going back to work the next day.

I saw my assistant manager for the first time in months and I broke down in his arms, he cried with me. It felt better to know I had someone by my side to support me at work in the coming days. I came home from work on the Tuesday night to take the final stage of pills where I knew the process was really about to begin and I was going to have to say goodbye to my little baby.

Hell. I can only describe it as living hell. It began very quickly and the physical pain was so strong it washed over any type of emotion. I honestly thought I was dying late Tuesday night as I hid in my bedroom from my parents and my partner sat downstairs watching the football. I won't describe the experience but just know there is no way the healthcare system can honestly think that is a safe and acceptable way to make a women end her pregnancy, I thought I was going to bleed out to my death.

Wednesday. I couldn't move. Couldn't stand. The physical pain still over clouded the whole experience so much I couldn't even cry. My partner went to work and I hid in my room. I switched my phone on, no messages. Switched it back off.

Thursday. I had to pretend I was normal. My partner took me to asda to look at blankets but as I walked around in agony all I could see was things for newborn babies. The pain was still as strong as Tuesday night and I could still hardly stand, I was due back at work the next day. I texted my assistant manager and told him "I don't think I can work tomorrow, what should I do?" He texted back and said "my dear don't worry, I have covered the store please just rest and come back when you feel ready"

I sobbed. I layed in my bed and tried to play animal crossing so I could escape the real world for a bit. I needed my friends. "Why haven't I heard from any of them, did I tell them what days it was happening?" I said to myself. I checked my messages and sure enough I had told them all Tuesday night it was happening but none of them reached out to me.

Friday. I had to pretend I was going to work so my parents wouldn't suspect anything. I put my uniform on then packed a separate bag of hoodie, tracksuits and what felt like a million medical supplies as I took a slow painful walk to the David Lloyd Club to hang out there until 6pm..

I felt dangerous. I felt completely dissociated and the loneliest I'd ever felt. I was losing the one thing I never wanted to lose and I couldn't stop it. As I got to the gate of David Lloyd my phone was ringing - one of the girls was calling. Thank God I thought as I picked up the phone and mustered a weak "alright mate" "no I'm not" she responded "the bossman has been at my store this morning and he wasn't happy, I think he's coming to your store next so you better prepare yourself as he is one moody bastard today" blah blah as I heard her light another cigarette and complain about his cristism. she just talked and talked, and I didn't even have the strength to say "I'm not at work today, remember I told you about the baby" it just felt as though nobody cared. My partner didn't care and now my only friends didn't care either, so I hung up the phone when she was mid sentence.

I got inside and got changed into something more comfortable. I ordered lunch as I hadn't eaten since Tuesday but I couldn't stomach anything other than liquids. The sun came out so i sat in the club garden and stared at the flowers, it was such a beautiful day and natures beauty was all around as I heard children laughing and splashing in the outdoor pool. My alarm went off I was due to take one of my strong painkillers and change my medical pads. The first thought in my head as I looked at my surroundings was "what if I kill myself? I won't have to feel this pain anymore physically and emotionally" thoughts swirled my head as I knew deep down my partner was still having his affair and didn't care about our baby. "If I wasnt here anymore he could move on without the guilt of leaving me, I'd already be gone".

"If I die ill stop being a bother to those around me, maybe my store would do better with a new manager"

"My staff won't miss me and my friends certainly won't miss me"

As all these thoughts made there way round and round my head I realised I had walked inside to the toilets and shut myself in one of the cubicles.

'Warning! Do not consume more than one tablet in 24 hours, if consumed please seek immediate medical advice' the pack of tablets in my hand said as I stared at them, on the side effects out of all the thousands and thousands of words printed all I saw was the words 'can result in death'

"If I take one, my physical pain will go for the next day" I said as I put one in my mouth and swallowed it. "If I take two, my physical and emotional pain would be gone forever" I said as I took a 2nd one out the packet and sat on the floor of the public bathroom I slid down the cubicle wall and stared at the tablet in my hand. "I'm sorry" I whispered out loud as I reached the floor. I was sorry to everyone but most importantly my baby, I was sorry I couldn't save him and be a good mummy. "Please God.." I said for the first time in 10 years as I reached out to put the 2nd tablet in my mouth "I can't do it anymore, please help me. Please give me people who care for me" As tears rolled down my cheeks I put the 2nd tablet in my mouth and as I reached for my water my phone went off.

I glanced at it thinking it was nonsense and went to mute my notifications when I saw it was a message...

"Hiya... are you ok?"

It was my boss, and for the first time in this entire process somebody asked me If I was ok. I spat the tablet out and burst into tears, the heavy unbreathable type. I wasn't ok, I had never been more broken than that moment right there. All the emotions that hadn't come out came out right there and then and with no self control I just laid all my feelings on my boss. "Hey, um I'm not really ok but I will be. I've been really scared and the whole thing has been worse than I thought it would be and I was in so much pain on Tuesday I thought I was going to die" I could feel myself panicking about work and said "ill be back tomorrow, I've been told I can't do much but I'll do it anyway everything will be fine 😊"

"I'm so sorry Molly" he wrote. I don't remember much of the messages but I remember him asking me how far gone In my pregnancy I'd been and making me realise that my baby mattered even though I never got to hold him in my arms. I explained to him some of what it had been like and he responded with

"Oh boy... and there was me thinking it was us men who had no pain threshold 😋"

I giggled as I wiped my snotty face covered in tears, he always made me laugh (even sometimes when he was being serious and told me off 😂)

He offered me lots of support and encouragement and told me if I needed anything I could come to him anytime.

My boss. Not my girlfriends of several years, not my partner of almost 5 years. My boss. He was the only one to pick up that phone and ask me if I was ok, didn't even ask when I'd be back at work just wanted to make sure if I was ok. He never had to do that, it wasn't his job to do that as my boss he could have just minded his own business and spoken to me when I returned to work. He didn't, because he is simply one of the most caring and kindest individuals on this earth. "People care for you" I heard a voice say to me as let out my final tears. I got up from the floor, left the cubicle, washed my face and went outside.

I was still alive. I had gone in that bathroom with every intention of not coming out but I did. I sat down outside and said to myself "I will get through it, ive been strong before I can do it again"

The day my pregnancy was confirmed as no more and I was deemed as not pregnant by a medical professional my partner sent me a text "Sorry, its over between us" it read at 10.30am whilst I was at work. "You cheating lying coward" I said out loud as I started to cry in the staff room. Without hesitation I picked up my phone and texted my boss "Sorry, I'm half way through doing this stock count but I'll warn you my partner has just ended our relationship by text and I feel a bit of a mess"

"What?!" He wrote "oh dear I'm so sorry... no more boys for you for a while!" I laughed. Somehow I didn't feel as sad as I thought I would, I almost felt relieved. I started doing a bit better at work and one day I texted him and said "I may be a bit of a state at the minute but at least the store looks nice 😂" he laughed and said these words ill never forget "These hard times define and strengthen our character, you will grow stronger and wiser from this" he was right and bow I say it to myself everyday.

I spent the next few months making mistakes whilst I was still getting better and figuring things out for myself. Another guy I had gotten involved with turned out to be a total scrawny spineless weedy toad and also left for another girl and when he did I just laughed (emotional progress 😉) I turned to my boss again and realised that he has been the one I turned to for all my problems the whole of that year, not my friends or family just him. There was something about sharing my problems with him that helped to make them feel so much smaller than I thought they were. His short words of wisdom and advice were always just enough, never emotional just practical solutions that made me look at things in a different way and learn to cope with life's difficulties.

At the beginning of last year I said to myself one night "what is it he has or does that makes him so cool and calm about life, he never seems to worry about things and has such good wisdom about hardships.

That night I slept and had the most incredible dream of my life where I heard a voice say to me "You ask what it is these people around you have..they have exactly what is is you asked me for, my help" and when I woke up all I could remember was when I had sunk to my lowest in that toilet and called out for God. Its God who helps us, its God who changes our life.

And without any thought I surrendered my life to Him. Knowing that God saved me that day, He used my incredibly selfless, caring strong Christian boss to speak to me. God uses our brokenness to change our self life and start living in the desires and plans He has created for us. I prayed the very powerful prayer last year of asking the Lord to remove anything from my life that was not within His plan for me. I lost my friends and my job, the hardship was incredibly tough to navigate but I keep reminding myself this is what I asked for and that Jesus has much greater things for me. Amongst all the pain and suffering I look at where I was and I look at where I am now -

I was with a partner who was cheating and didn't love me. What would have happened if my baby was born? Would I be a single mother struggling to cope?

I know if I had my baby and my partner hadn't of left my life would never have changed for the better. I wouldn't have opened my heart to Christ, I would never have been baptised and welcomed into a church family I love so dearly who care for me and support me. I would still have friends leading me into bad choices and experiences and when it goes wrong I wouldn't have real friends to call on. I'd be stuck in that job that I wasn't very happy at feeling like a failure and missing out on my true creative potential.

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about my baby, that goes without saying for anyone who has lost a child. I take great comfort in knowing my baby is in the arms of the Lord and the day I return home to Him, He will welcome me with open arms and say "there is someone who has been waiting for you" 😭❤️

I don't have an abundance of friends and that is fine with me, because God gave me the greatest friends I could ever ask for. Real friends who love me and are there no matter what, ones who help me grow spiritually and encourage me to never give up. (Brother Savio, I love you dearly - even when you get on my nerves 🤣🫂❤️)

I used to have a lot of plans for my life, now I only have one plan and that's God's plan for me!

They do say if you want to make God laugh then tell Him your plans - one day I remember so clearly saying "I can't wait to never see my boss again"

I just know He laughed and said to Himself "Girl, hold that thought.. because one day he's going to be the only person you still see and speak to from this job! And believe it or not youll come to love him dearly" 🤣🤣

Praise God for His never ending love and provision, for He knows what we need more than we ever will. Ask Him and you will recieve!

To my brother Yons - I thank Him for you more than you'll ever know. Thanks for being my bestie and for always being there (even when I tell you things and you forget🤣) I'm so grateful that God chose you to be the one to help me in my darkness. Thank you for never giving up on me and always believing in me when I don't believe in myself, and for never questioning who I am. I couldn't get by without your words of wisdom at times! Never let anyone tell you that you don't care, you have the greatest heart - you are also very funny 😁Friends like you are not found by chance but gifted by God, and I hope you will be one of mine forever! Lots of love, your fave skinny mols ❤️🫂

#godisgood #godslovesays #christianity #christian faith #my bestie #childloss #testimony #true friends #life is better with god

2 notes · View notes

enthychee · 13 days

Text

How hard is it to say "I do like you"?

It's only as hard as hearing " I don't"

With you, I never could plainly write, say or even admit it

So I tried to walk it, cook it, drink it, slam it, joke it and finally cried it.

FYI... I did like you...

Never did I climb a 900m mountain high, even less with a smile

Specially not on a period day but with you alongside me I lightly walked the miles away

I was never the one who cooked, I always was the one bringing the drinks

But when you said "I love figues" then I fell into baking

You will never find me drinking home and I just don't like blond beer

But since this apéro there is a pack waiting in case you again, spontaneously appear

I haven't written poetic lines in years

But when you shared those songs to my hears

I immediately took all my clumsy rhymes thinking they could made a way to your mind

But I got ghosted

Oh... One thing I believe to be... Is being funny

So when I heard you liked my humour

I dared to even go hard core

I desperately cling on any occasion

To get a spam of your attention

But I soon came to conclusion

That the price of your smile is my denigration

On that bloody day I couldn't contain it...

The hurt of not being seen... even when on your passenger seat

About cold girls, once again you complained

But that time, being ignored was too much pain

I cried but you had no clue

That I had fallen for you

How hard is it to say "I do like you"?

It's only as hard as hearing " I don't"

I know you don't... I accepted it

This is why I now can speak

I take pride in loving despite not being loved back

So I want to share with you a few facts...

I clicked from the very first texts you sent me

I knew I was about to meet someone smart & funny

Obviously I found you kind of hot

And was intrigued by your in and out

I must also admit that I looked with envy

How passionately you can go angry

But I fell when you opened wide

Liberating a glimpse of your inside

It got me when I saw despite your fightings

How harrowingly you were still hoping

I wanted to stand next to you.

I melted for your thirst for justice, righteousness and peace

I was nourishing the secret dream

Of who you'd be if you met Him

I saw how you honor your family

How you crave for a girl baby

How much you love my bestie

I hoped, if with you it would also come to me

When I witnessed your soft, broken heart longing for an embrace

It triggered my desire to introduce you to the God of amazing Grace

Yet, I can easily list all your failures, all the things so wrong you carry on

Trust me, none of them made me want to run and be far gone

But ... If I am fully honest

I must also confess

Despite, I so badly wanted to be your chosen buddy

I resigned because Jesus is not part of your story

He is the reason why I silent my longing

Even when all in me was crying

It was never the fall shorts or fear of shame

Actually not even the excepted rejection pain

It is my vow to follow him

And not get lost in wandering

And if one day I build a family

to only do it for His glory

In the end I know it is for the best

That it is for my faith a test

Can I loose and yet bless?

But back to you ...

How hard is it to say "I do like you"?

It is not... I actually learnt it even is a privilege

When you see in a person so much beauty

When you only except from him to also see

How precious, how lovable one can be.

#one way love #poetry #fyi #i like you #rejection #jesus christ #god

0 notes

callistomeadowforge · 7 months

Text

Task 010: The Interview

There was a sense of familiarity that came with being on stage. Not that Calli had ever stood on this stage or faced an audience of this size before, but she felt the same exhilaration and excitement that she always felt during a performance. This might not be a dance or musical production, but it would progress very similarly. She had seen enough to know.

"It is such a delight to have another Meadowforge here in our midst! I'm telling you, I am just brimming with excitement to talk to you, Callisto, dear--as I'm sure everyone is."

The crowd hailed their agreement at the flick of Calix's wrist. The grip that Calix had on the interviews had always been obvious to Calli. To see it play out in front of her only confirmed it. As long as she played her part, she would remain in both Calix's and the audience's good graces.

Calli giggled, lightly but gratefully. "I'm so happy to be here! It's a dream-come-true, honestly, to meet you," she gestured to the host, "and everyone," her gaze swept over the crowd, "so I'm really hoping I don't mess this one up and you'll have me again after the Games."

Calix seemed to approve of the her humble yet playful response, so the audience did, too, laughing good-naturedly when she made a show of crossing her fingers.

"Of course we'll have you back! We love everything we've seen already. Speaking of what we've seen; that nine, a score just like your sister's. Speaking of what we haven't seen; what you did in that training room to earn that nine. Care to give us a hint? Did our darling Cress help you prepare for it?"

To the shock of absolutely no one, the interview started with a question about Cress. Calli had seen it coming from a mile away. That didn't stop it from getting to her, from calling a certain air wistfulness out to the surface. "My sisters--both Cress and Cyrene--are my mentors and my best friends." That was true to her, even if one of those sisters had been significantly more absent than the other. "Yes, they were a great help to me, they always are. I owe them the world. But those ten minutes in the training room were my own and so will my time in the arena be, and within the next few days you're going to see just how different the three of us really are." For better or worse. "That's the hint." Calli paused, then quickly added, "Our differences are what makes us work, though! We know how to build on each other's strength."

The audience cooed as Calix placed a hand over his heart. Calli had been right; this was progressing exactly like the productions she did back home.

"We as a nation have a lot to learn from you and your sisters, don't we? We should all work through our differences and build on each other's strength for the greater good. I'm curious, though, because I never doubted that you are unique in your own way, my dear; what was life like for you back in One? Other than your family, who or what is waiting for your return?"

"Other than my family?" Calli repeated. "I have some really good friends waiting for me. I'm also scheduled to perform in a few concerts and recitals all through the next couple of months--mostly piano and ballet--so I'm really looking forward to those. If I don't make it home... Well, I know some committee members who might very well try to kill me all over again."

Calix laughed, benevolent and amused. There was a twinkle in his eyes that told Calli she was playing her part perfectly and had in fact kindly offered up his next question for him to ask.

"Let's just hope it won't come to that. But now we've learnt you're a musician and a dancer--marvelous! I, for one, can't wait for you to return from the arena, so that you can play and dance for us here in the city. Will you do that? I know you have commitments in One, but aren't we so much more fun here?"

Cheers erupted from the crowd. The people clamoured for another Meadowforge to take, for a new plaything to claim as theirs. There was a peculiar fascination there. It set them apart from the typical audience in District 1.

Calli didn't quite know what she was seeing, but she chose not to overthink it. "Oh, Calix, of course!" she tried to wave off his concern. "I'm sure I'll find a way to divide my time between home and here." Wasn't that what Cress did? Besides, wouldn't performing in the Capitol just be the highest honour and achievement? Wasn't that the part she was supposed to play?

"Wonderful! I'll be sure to get myself a front row seat for your first show here in the city. Performing aside, do you hope to step into a mentoring role for the Games? You'd be working with both of your sisters. Is that something you might want to do long-term?"

"Maybe." In truth, Calli wasn't sure. This was just one item in the long list of consequences she hadn't properly considered before impulsively raising her hand to volunteer. "I mean, I'm going to be completely honest here, I haven't figured that out quite yet." Maybe she could be an escort instead. Maybe she could even join the styling team. "I would love to work with my sisters, though. I know we'd make a great team." What she was sure of was that she wanted to be with Cy and Cress. What she hoped for was that they would want to work with her, too.

"You'll have plenty of time to decide, don't you worry. But between now and then, there's still tomorrow. There's still the arena. My final question to you is a simple one; are you ready?"

Gentle laughter sounded from the audience, endeared by the silly question. They all knew the answer already. Of course Callisto Meadowforge was ready. Of course a career tribute from District 1 who had a victor for a sister was ready. Of course, of course, of course.

Slate had asked Calli the same question. "You feeling ready for this?" She hadn't been able to answer it then, she didn't know how to answer it now. She thought of her Cyrene, who had come all the way here to bring her home. She thought of Cress, who was just beginning to seem like Cressida again. She thought of Helios, of the support she had inadvertently stolen away from him. She thought of Slate, whom her sister loved.

Was she ready? What tune was she supposed to strike in the crisscross of asynchronous melodies?

"I'm here." Calli shrugged, still offering truth but tried not to strip herself bare. "That's what matters, right? I went through ups and downs here in the Capitol as I do anywhere, and I'm sure I'll go through them in the arena, too. But I'm here and I always give everything I do my all, and for the next few days, the Games, the arena, and everything and everyone connected to it have my heart. And Calix, I have a lot of that."

That sense of familiarity had shifted. The exhilaration had turned into something sombre, tainted by a wisp of melancholy. Her interview wasn't ending with chants of victory, but maybe that was just how it was supposed to go--because maybe this particular production was a tragedy.

#mtotask #134 #self para;#i am dONE and i will never do another task ever again #(lying ofc)

0 notes

dragon-kazansky · 3 years

Text

Made with love | Helmut Zemo

Chef Zemo AU! 👨‍🍳

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

Huge thank you to @rumblelibrary for helping me out with this chapter!

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 5

Wanda basically threw you out after breakfast. You were at Escorpión Morado bright and early. The restaurant wasn't open for another hour yet.

It was as if he had been waiting for you. The moment you reached the door, Zemo opened them and let you in. He was smiling at you instantly.

"Morning."

"Good morning."

You smile back and let him lock up again before he leads you into the back. He lets you put your things down and takes you into the kitchen.

There's no one about. Just the two of you.

Suddenly you're feeling rather nervous.

On the counter is everything you needed for today, but Zemo ignored all of that as he brought in some coffee for you. You smiled as he handed over the cup, his fingers brushing against yours. You tried not to let it show that the little touch had affected you.

He had done it on purpose, not that he would tell you that. He just wanted an excuse to touch you a little. Zemo's way of flirting was less obvious sometimes.

He smiles that charming smile at you.

"I'm glad you agreed to help," he says, smile not once faltering.

"You're hard to say no to."

He likes that answer. He chuckles and sips his coffee.

"What are we making?"

"Paella! A proper paella."

"A proper paella?"

"A good paella takes a couple hours to make. I have everything I need, we just have to make it. I'm going to teach you how to cook like a chef," he winks at you.

"When is he coming?"

"This afternoon. That's why I asked you here so early."

"I don't mind. I'm happy to help, though I'm not sure how helpful I'll actually be," you offer and awkward smile. You feel out of place in his kitchen.

His kitchen. This was his domain. Helmut knew it inside and out. He knew every corner. He knew where every utensil lived, every pot and pan, every herb and spice. This was his kingdom and he had let you in.

It felt like an honour to be here.

"Should we start?" You ask, looking at the items he had set out. You felt rather intimidated.

Zemo glances up at the clock.

"Not yet. We have time."

"Alright, I trust you," you smile softly.

"Good. I have one condition while you're in my kitchen."

"What is it?" You felt even more nervous now.

"You have to call me chef. It's the only name I have in here," he grins, mischievously.

Your face felt warm.

"Yes, chef," you say, almost shyly.

"That's more like it," he says, sipping more of the delicious coffee he had made.

You had no idea how you were going to survive in here. With the constant concentration you would be putting in, to the way he looked at you, and now calling him chef, you're not sure your heart could handle it all. It felt as if there was a spell over you and you couldn't break it.

When you had both finished your coffee, he took the cups and put them to the side. He disappeared for a moment, only to return with aprons in hand. He smiles as be holds one out to you. You take it and put it on.

"Are you ready to make something so delicious, you'll never want to eat anything else again?" He asks, chuckling.

"That's quite the statement, chef."

For now he will pretend you actually calling him that wasn't sending his heart soaring and his mind racing. Instead he will act as normally as he can as he spends these next few hours with you.

"It's the truth. Until you have tried a real paella, you haven't experienced anything," he winks at you.

Helmut preps the paella pan.

"I've prepped everything, we just have to cook it."

"I've never cooked paella before," you tell him, looking at him in worry.

"Don't panic, I'm right here. I'll guide you."

That smile he gives you reassures you. You're in good hands.

He pours in the olive oil and sprinkles salt in a circle around the edge of the pan. He's smiling as he does it. You should be watching his cooking, but your eyes are drawn to his face instead. You could look at him for hours.

He knows you're looking. He can feel your eyes on him. He turns his head slightly, eyes flicking to you. His smile becomes a smirk as he meets your gaze.

You become flustered.

"The chicken and rabbit, if you would," he nods over to where meat was waiting.

You hand them over. He pops them into the pan with a flourish and looks at you with a little grin.

"We're going to brown the meat, so in the meantime, tell me what you and your friend have been up to."

"She took me bowling yesterday. She used to go with her brother."

"Ah yes, I know where she took you. I've never actually been."

"No?"

"No. I have spent a majority of my life in a kitchen," he chuckles. The sound makes you smile.

"I can believe that. Have you always wanted to be a chef?"

"Yes. Ever since I was a boy. I take pride in what I do. If it's not perfect, it doesn't get served, and nothing I have ever made has never not been perfect."

You smile as he grins at you. Those are easy words to believe.

"I wish I could cook like you."

"You could if you learnt how."

"I never seem to have the time to learn," you say, softly. He glances at you, seeing a longing look in your eyes as you look at the meat in the pan.

"Would you like a go at turning them? They need to be brown on both sides."

"Uh, sure."

"Don't worry, I'll be right here."

You take over from him. Zemo stands so close next to you, eyes on the food as you turn the meat over. You're so very aware of how close he is to you. You're doing everything you can to keep focused on the cooking.

After 20 minutes pass by, he takes over again. He pushes all the meat the sides of the pan and nods over to the green beans he had prepped earlier.

"Could you pass me those, please?"

You nod and hand them over. He puts them into it the centre of the pan, right in the middle of the ring of chicken and rabbit.

He sautès them.

"I could teach you to cook. Honestly. It would be my pleasure to be your teacher."

"That's a nice offer, but I'm here with Wanda. I should spend as much time as possible with her."

"Except, you're here now," he smirks.

"Well, yeah... you asked me here."

"And I'm asking you again."

"I'll have to go back home at some point. How much could you teach me in just a few days?"

He looks you in the eye.

"A lot, but what if you didn't go home. What if you stayed here. You could find a home in Sokovia, I could see you every day."

You look away with a chuckle.

"I would say you're crazy."

"Somebody has to be. Without crazy people, nothing would get done. If you go home, I'll be left here missing you."

"You would miss me?"

"Of course I would. You're special."

He says this without looking at you, concentrating on the cooking, but you knew he meant it. It was the way he said it.

Helmut adds garlic and then butter beans.

"This already looks so good," you say, smiling at the both the look and scent of the food.

"Wait until it's finished."

It feels a shame to know this was for Tony Stark. You would love nothing more than to dig in to this paella yourself.

"Would you like the honours of adding the paprika?"

You nod and add it to his instructions. You add the crushed tomatoes and watch as he mixes everything together.

Now he adds the water. Being the professional he is, he knows exactly the ratio to add. He has very obviously done this many times before. You're almost mesmerized by him.

He lets it simmer.

"If you did move here, you wouldn't have to worry about a job. You would be very welcome in my restaurant."

"You're serious about this, aren't you?" You look at him.

"Sí."

You smile softly.

"I can't just up and leave everything."

"Do you have someone waiting for you back home?" He asks, avoiding looking at you. It would make sense to him that you would have. He should have checked before hand, because now he feels a fool.

"No."

Nevermind. He's over the moon.

"Then why are you hesitating?"

"Because I don't know what I would do here. You're offering me a job, you're asking me to move out here. You don't even really know me. I'm just someone you met last year while on my holiday."

"I know enough about you to know you're special and magnificent. I know enough to like you. I would hate to say goodbye not knowing when or if you would return."

"I've really made an impact on you, haven't I?"

"Sí," he grins at you again.

"Since you're being so honest with me, then I suppose it's only fair I'm honest with you."

"Please."

"You have also made an impact on me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since we met. I'm in love with your food, your restaurant. I admire everything you have done to keep your father's business alive. I love your country and want nothing more than to stay."

"So stay."

"I... I don't think I can."

He looks back at the food, lowering the heat to let it simmer some more. He thought he was so close to having you, but perhaps it's just not meant to be.

"Can't blame a man for trying."

You hate the way he sounded so defeated. It didn't suit him at all.

"Helmut..."

"Ah ah, what did I say?" He looks at you, turning that confidence back on.

"Chef, right."

"Yes. I only have one name in my kitchen, remember it."

Helmut adds the rice to perfection. He puts down the wooden spoon, that he had used to mix everything, and stands over it. Now it's all about the heat.

Zemo glances at you. You're looking at the pan. He uses your distraction as a moment to admire you.

You're so beautiful. So stunning.

He wants you to stay so badly. It's so very selfish of him, but he wants it. He's not prepared to let you go, not when he wants to see you every single day, speak to you every single day, teach you, work with you, be around you every single day.

You're something so special and this chef is so worried he will lose you.

You're looking at him. He turns his head quickly to adjust the heat.

He knows the exact moment it's done.

"This is a paella," he says, smiling down at the finished project. You smile at it. It smells wonderful.

Before you can day anything, Sam enters the kitchen.

"It's almost time."

Looking up at the clock, you hadn't noticed how much time had passed. Helmut had cute a lot of the time off by preparing the ingredients before hand, but cooking the paella took up quite a bit of time.

"You make sure the table is perfect, Sam. We will bring out the rest momentarily."

Sam nods and heads back out front. You removes your apron, placing it next to Helmut's on the counter and watch as he sorts himself out.

"How do I look?" He asks, looking at you.

"Handsome as always, chef."

He grins, winking at you. He swipes at your cheek quickly, brushing away something you couldn't see. He won't tell you there wasn't anything there, he just wanted an excuse to touch you in some way.

"Shall we?"

"You want me to come with you?" You ask, shocked me would even want you there.

"Of course. We did this together, we should see it through together."

You smile.

Helmut holds out his hand. You take it. It's bigger than yours, warm too. He leads you out front.

Tony Stark enters the building with another man. They both look around the place. You both stop to greet them near the entrance. Zemo doesn't let go of your hand as he smiles at the two men.

"Welcome to Escorpión Morado. I am Helmut Zemo, the owner and the chef," he smiles as introduces himself.

"We've met, but this Stephen Strange. He's investing in my restaurant. Who is this?" Stark turns to you.

Zemo let's go of your hand in favour of placing it on your back as he smiles at you.

"This is Y/N, a dear friend of mine who has helped me prepare your meal for the day."

Tony looks you up and down.

"This way, if you would." Sam guides the two men to the table that been set up specifically for them. With a nod from Sam, Zemo goes back into the kitchen to fetch the paella. Sam serves them drinks.

You stand there, looking between them both.

Both men a wearing expensive looking suits, and they smell expensive too. It seems strange to you that these two men are opening a restaurant. They didn't come off as the foodie types... more businessmen.

Sure, owning a restaurant is half business, but it should also be full of passion, love and life. It's more than just business.

"Does he pay you well?"

"I'm sorry?" You look at Stark.

"Does he pay well?"

"I, uh... I don't work for him. I'm just helping him today."

"Do you cook?"

"Not on this scale."

"At least you're good looking," he sighs, looking at you over the frame of his shades.

Sam clears his throat, looking at you. You find yourself moving to stand next to him. He smiles softly at you, so you smile back, silently thanking him.

Helmut returns.

Stark and Strange watch as places the paella pan on the table and stands back.

"What's this?"

You frown. How could he not recognise such an iconic dish. Even if you hadn't been travelling around Europe last year, you would know how to recognise a paella.

"Paella. A real paella. Dig in."

"From the pan?"

"No other way to eat it. This is traditionally how paella is eaten. You'll enjoy it."

Stark and Strange look at each other.

They dig in.

"Make sure to get some of the socarrat from the bottom. It's delicious!"

You smile at the way he encourages them, but neither man looks impressed.

Helmut stands with you and Sam as the two gentleman eat.

The seconds tick by incredibly slowly. The two men look at one another as they eat. There's a silent conversation taking place, you can feel Zemo becoming nervous the longer it goes on. You reach out and brush your hand with his. He looks down at your hands, taking yours in his softly.

You offer him a smile.

Both men stand from the table, you both turn to look at them, burrowing your brow at them. They dab at their mouths with their fancy handkerchiefs and turn to you.

"Well, that's something anyway. Good to know we don't have much competition around here. Thank you for your time, we shall be on our way now."

Stark drops an envelope on the table.

You can feel Zemo's hand grip yours a bit tighter now. He's angry.

Both men make their leave without saying anything more. Once they cross the threshold, Zemo storms off into the kitchen without a word.

"Helmut!"

He doesn't look back.

Glancing at Sam, he nods at you. You hurry after Zemo, but stop when you reach the door. Crashing sounds come from within. An angry yell. Things clattering to the floor.

You push open the door quickly.

Helmut pushes everything off the countertops, throwing dishes at the wall. He grips his hair with one hand, messing up the neat style it had previously been resting in.

"Mierda!"

You would find his Spanish endearing if not for the word itself, or the fact he was beyond angry.

Tony Stark had insulted him in the worst way possible.

"Helmut..."

He stops, back turned to you. He runs a hand down his face, using the other one to hold his weight as he leans against the nearest counter.

"He's wrong. You are competition. No food compares to what you make, and I'm not just saying that. He will never be able to make anything that compares to anything you make. Do you know how I know? Because you make your food with love. You enjoy every dish you put out. You make your own food in your own restaurant."

He doesn't say anything, just listens.

"Tony Stark has nothing compared to Helmut Zemo, and soon he will see that."

Zemo turns around slowly. He looks at you. All rage melts from his eyes when they land on you. He sighs softly.

"Thank you."

You smile.

He doesn't smile back, but you know he is truly grateful.

Sam enters the kitchen, the envelope from before now open in his hand. You look at him, taking in the expression on his face.

"I think you'll want to read this."

"What is it?" Helmut asks.

"An invitation."

You share a look with Zemo. Suddenly a cold sweat runs down your back. Dread fills every bone in your body.

Helmut steps forward and takes it from Sam.

You wait as he silently reads it.

He looks up at you.

"We're invited to dinner."

@namethathasnotbeentaken @belle82devart @cathrin2405 @lieutenantn @wilder-fangirl @latenightartist-author @lucky-luck-lucky @hb8301 @charistory @thatoneartgalsstuff @thesuitkovian @malkaviangirl @zemosimp420 @realremyd @the-chaotic-cow @lostghostgirl94 @zafiro-draco @lazygurl05 @pinkcutiepiee @goddessofmischief03 @whovianayesha @myybebe @awesomesauce-abbie @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @zemo-is-my-muse @nonamec0s @apparrio @scuttle-buttle @alex-the-nb @my-blood-is-maple-syrup

#helmut zemo x reader #zemo x reader #baron helmut zemo #helmut zemo #marvel #au #chef zemo au

117 notes · View notes

moonlightflower21 · 3 years

Text

just like magic

a/n: angsty fluffy. normal raph. there may be mistakes and it may be hard to follow through lol. but i hope you enjoy ❤

"y/n!! wait, please wait!!" the call of raph desperately trying to reach you fell on deaf ears as you angrily walked into the public so he couldn't come close.

it was so hard to decipher what you were feeling. betrayal, anger, sadness, embarrassment, pain. sometimes it felt like you couldn't even catch a break. he had been acting so suspicious and you couldn't help but recall what your best friend had said earlier, that when a boyfriend stop texting and calling back they were sleeping around.

he couldn't.... could he?

that one girl, amber, from the chief vincent crew had been crushing on him forever. you learnt that raph and her had a small fling years ago, before he ever met you. but other than that, you didn't know much else other than the fact that she absolutely hated your guts. the feeling was mutual of course but she never failed to make any small digs at you whenever you were together.

so when she came out of his room wearing nothing but lingerie, it wasn't an understatement to say your heart felt it had been stomped on the floor. leo, mikey and donnie were all out with their significant others so they couldn't even provide any help or shed any light on why she was in your boyfriend room

the reason as to why you came around was because you thought of surprising him, considering you hadn't even seen him for the last two weeks. he seemed to vanish for hours on end and while you didn't want to jump to any conclusions, you just had to talk to him. but seeing her come out of his room that he let no one in felt like a punch to the gut.

"when will you ever learn? first loves outshine any other" amber cackled in your face, swaying her hips as she left the lair. you couldn't even speak scared you would start crying on the spot. and the last thing you wanted was to give her the satisfaction.

you entered the room but aside her horrible perfume stinking the air, raph was nowhere to be seen. hell his bed looked empty. untouched. and yet his window was open, so perhaps he escaped? the more reasonable part of you disagreed vehemently, he wouldn't do this shit. and you couldn't trust that woman, she was out to drive you both apart

but this wasn't excusable either. the air felt constricting here, walls falling in closer so you left. angry tears on the brink of falling, the excited evening you had planned obliterated in small pieces.

---

the small bench in the park was empty and you sat, trying to reel in those thoughts but they proved to be a challenge.

"y/n please listen to me, i can explain everything i swear" you rolled your eyes but stood up. hearing his part would at least put your mind at ease and those burning questions could finally be answered.

"you get one chance raphael. let's go to my place, i don't want other people listening in" you look into his pleading eyes, turning the corner and walking home with him eagerly following you close.

raph entered your room, thankful for the heat that flooded his system. he didn't realise how long he was outside and how cold he was until he bagn to shake slightly. he turned his attention to you as you shrugged odd your jacket, brows raised at him.

"no more secrets, raph. no more lies otherwise we're done" you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. he nodded, ready to answer the oncoming slaught of questions that had been scorching holes in your chest.

"who is amber? and do you still have any feelings towards her??" your voice trembled a little at the end of that sentence, hoping her put your mind at ease. his jaw seem to clench slightly at the memory of her which brought some amusement.

"she's someone i thought i was in love wit'. 17 years old me didn't know shit at the time. after a while, i knew whatever we had was just infatuation. it was never gonna work out. she wanted a relationship while i was looking for something small. but that's in my past. i don't have any love towards her anymore. she was just a silly crush"

"she was your crush? doesn't seem like it" "she was. ya can't be mad at that because you've also crushed on guys before i came but that's a good thing! because they led us closer to each other and look at us" he holds your hand, his thumb gently rubbing over your knuckles which was something he usually did to reduce your stress. and against your will, you could feel those familiar butterflies invade your lower belly.

"but why was she in your room? looking very cosy in there, i might add" your jaw clenched tightly, glaring at the floor in order to contain your anger.

"she what?? y/n i promise i had no idea why amber was even in my room. i wasn't even there. in fact, i'm barely ever there most days" he rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating the last part.

"why?" your brow lifts and he sighs, grimacing.

"well... i... uh... got a job" he chuckles awkwardly, expecting you to burst in laughter. but you just seemed to have a confused look, intrigued at his comment.

"a job?" you ask and he nods, fidgeting with the end of his shorts.

"yeah... in construction. splinter thought it would be good anger management. i started doing it to also pay back for the necklace... that ya don't seem ta wear anymore" he narrowed his amber eyes around your neck and true to his word, you had taken it off. your hand touches your chest, feeling only the bare skin instead. the only reason you had taken it off was because he just kept being so secretive around you. and you didn't know who to trust.

"so that explains the extra muscles on your arms" you ponder and he laughs, flexing his bicep.

"they got us liftin heavy stuff" he rolls his shoulders, aching from last night. "i'm sorry for not saying anything about it. i didn't want to be laughed at" he chuckles but there's no humour in his voice, just nervousness which is rare for raph to ever have.

"you'd think i'd laugh at you?? i'm the last person to judge and i think it's a good thing for you. it's healthy to let your anger out in this way, i'm proud of you. but you have to stop with these secrets, they're only driving a wedge between us" your hand is gently placed on his knee which he appreciates, with you he never feels pressured to say things. you let him take his time which he's never found in other partners before.

"i know i just didn't want ta disappoint ya, i'm not a millionaire and i'm not the greatest looking guy either. i just wanted ya ta be happy at somethin-" "raph, you could never disappoint me. i don't care about money or fame, i just want you to be as serious about us, i just want to be there for you. but i can't do that if you keep pushing me away, hiding these things from me" you sigh your previous anger melting into sadness and relief.

"m'sorry princess, i do care about us. there's just things that i have trouble saying. but i promise i never mean to intentionally hurt ya" he cradles your hand, his gaze on the floor in deep thought. your head gingerly leans against his arms and his finger places comforting circles around your knuckles.

"where is yer friend? aren't ya supposed ta go out tonight?" raph remembered, looking around the room.

"yeah she's supposed to come soon but i haven't confirmed anything" you lean back on the bed watching his amber eyes narrow mischievously. in the way you grew to adore.

"so what i'm hearing is, we have time?" he smirked but you gently nudge his chest, shaking your head with an amused smile.

"i'm still annoyed at you" you chuckle when he smiles softly, his eyes shining under your lights. he leans closer to you, simply just wanting to be in your embrace.

"and i'll spend every moment making it up ta ya. let's just cuddle, i've missed ya"

#tmnt x reader #tmnt x reader fanfic #tmnt raphael #tmnt 2014/16 #tmnt 2016 x reader #tmnt raph #tmnt raphael x reader angst #tmnt raphael x reader fluff

286 notes · View notes

sckyie · 3 years

Text

song: driver’s license by olivia rodrigo

word count: 2.5k

genre + warnings: angst; swearing, fear of driving, reminiscing in old memories

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: this was orignially supposed to just be an imagine inspired by the song, not apart of the song series but it fits too well to not change oikawa’s song. i also wrote this for @kybabi bc i love her :D n e wayz enjoy :) (part 2)

"So here you're going to turn and he'll make you do a parallel park in the street. You remember how to do that right?" Oikawa asked as he guided you to the next turn. As you turn the steering wheel, you spot a crowded curbside.

"No, can you please please park for me? I hate parallel parking," You pleaded.

"Only because you asked so nicely," He teased.

Ever since you told your best friend that you wanted to learn how to drive, Oikawa never let it go whenever you wanted to hang out. Having you drive him around for practice and giving you tips as you went. He's helped you a ton while you drove around, the only issues you had were parallel parking and merging onto the highway.

"Maybe we should try the highway again," Oikawa said after you two switched seats.

"Are you asking for a death wish?" You joked. "I drive too slow and I'm scare to merge into lanes."

"We can practice on smaller freeways if you want," He asks.

"No," You growled.

It was always a terrifying thing to drive on the highway. You always saw those horrid accidents and feared being in one. Oikawa would always put his hand on your thigh as you merged to calm you down. Just having him be there was enough to get you to get onto the highway. All your fears just faded with him beside you.

Just having this intimate driving lesson with him was enough for you. You grew to fall in love in your best friend. A cliché thing, yet you couldn't say anything. Only you and your girl friends knew about your big crush. It was a funny thing, falling for your childhood best friend. Iwaizumi always joked about you doing so but you never admitted to liking Oikawa. What would that do to your friendship?

Today was the day, it was your test day. The scariest thing you anticipated was finally here. The thing you practiced days on end with Oikawa. The thing that could either make or break you. Today, you'd either come out with your license or you'll be walking home.

The nerves crept up your body like spiders leaving a trail of anxiety webs. You bounced you leg as you waited in the lobby looking out for your driving instructor. As your sweaty palms go to check the time, you notice a text message from Oikawa.

butthead: hey! good luck on your test today!

That's what cooled you down. A simple saying of good fortune will help, right? Sure enough, the test was a breeze, minus the parallel parking as it was the one mistake you got. You happily drove home to tell the news to your parents.

"Have you told Tooru yet?" Your mom asked.

"I'll wait until my actual driver license to prove to him I got it," You smiled.

"You like him don't you?" Your mom gestured to the joy on your face. "I can tell."

"No," You looked away from your mom as she raised her eyebrow. "Okay, maybe but you can't say anything. I'm going to my room now." She chuckled as you dragged you feet to your room.

Two weeks passes and you finally received your license in the mail. You smiled happily down at your new card as you walked outside the school building. You looked up to search for your best friend. Your eyes scanned the courtyard before landing on Iwaizumi. Assuming Oikawa was nearby, you headed towards him.

"Hey Iwa, where's Oiks?" You asked. Iwaizumi raised up his hand and pointed across to the gate. You looked over to find Oikawa talking to Kasumi, a classmate of yours.

"He's asking her to go on a date with him again," Iwaizumi says.

Again? He's done it before?

"Are they dating?" You ask.

"Not yet, Oikawa wants to ask her to be his girlfriend on the date," Iwa explains. "What's that?" He points to your hands as you fiddled with the corner of your driver's license.

"Oh," You said solemnly. "I got my license."

You waved goodbye to your childhood friend before going into he parking lot. Without thinking, you started the car and just began to drive. Out of the school and onto who knows where. Your mind grew blank as you drove.

How could he not mention Kasumi to you? He used to tell you everything but lately he'd been so distant. Maybe that's why he hasn't texted you all week, you thought. Who could blame him for liking Kasumi? She's so pretty and not to mention how smart she is. She's the class representative and she's one of the nicest girls around.

You fell for the one man you shouldn't have. It was too late to even confess how you felt. He was already falling for another while you were left behind. You felt a sharp pain in your chest as you drove by familiar buildings.

The laundromat where you and Oikawa would go to help with the laundry. You both would end up messing around and your parents would have to kick you two out. You and Oikawa would go across the street to the convenience store to buy steamed buns.

He doesn't like you.

The library where you would wait for Oikawa to finish practice so you two could study together. He'd bring you a bottle of tea and some sort of snack to keep you from burning out. Those study dates where you'd stay until the library was closed.

Give up, stop thinking of him.

The ramen restaurant where Oikawa would take you if he won a game. It was a great celebration and you two had made so many memories there. You two had gone there so often, he convinced the owner that you were his girlfriend.

Let him go.

All the feelings you had for him began to ache in your heart as you reminisced in the memories. You gripped tighter on the wheel as you saw an highway exit. "Fuck," You whispered as you merged into the fast lane. Suddenly all those fears you had of driving, just disappeared. You felt this peace as your eyes locked on the long highway. It was like, nothing hurt anymore. Your tensed shoulders relaxed, yet you felt tears roll down your cheeks. You took deep breaths as you drove attempting to stop your tears.

Soon enough, driving on the highway had shifted from a phobia to an escape. Everyday after school, rather than meeting up with Oikawa and Iwaizumi before practice, you'd drive on the highway and on backroads. It was the only thing that kept you sane when you see Kasumi with Oikawa together.

You became accustomed to the fast pace of the highways. Occasionally you'd speed if you felt some type of pain grow in your chest. You'd blast music to drown out any thoughts or feelings you had. You knew Oikawa could never be yours, so why bother crying over him, right? The thought of being around him began to make you uncomfortable. If you kept your distance, you wouldn't get hurt. You wouldn't be considered a distraction.

butthead: hey?

you: what's up?

butthead: it's been a while since i've seen you :( i miss my best friend

you: are you sure you mean to text me or iwa?

butthead: you, y/n i miss hanging with you

butthead: you didn't come to the restaurant after our game

you: i was busy, sorry

butthead: :(

you: i gotta go, ill talk to you later

Oikawa sighed at his phone and looked across the table to Iwaizumi. "Have you talked to Y/n lately?" He asked.

"Yeah, she borrowed gas money from me," Iwa says before slurping his noodles.

"Gas money? She got her license?" Oikawa tilts his head. "How long has it been?"

"A month? You got caught up with Kasumi," Iwaizumi says.

"Hmph," Oikawa huffed as he sipped his drink. He'd been spending so much time with Kasumi that he forgot about you. Or was it, you started to forget about him? He glances at the window behind Iwa and noticed a familiar car parking.

You parked your car across the street of the restaurant next to a convenience store. You quickly got out and went into the store looking for something to drink. As you began to scan the fridge, you heard the door open. "Y/n?" You turned to find Oikawa.

"What are you doing here?" You turned back to grab a soda.

"Iwa came to eat with me since you didn't make it," Oikawa says. "He's still there, did you want to join us?"

"No thanks, I'm kinda busy at the moment," You say dully. Oikawa goes to speak but you had already walked to go pay for your drink. "Later Oikawa."

"Oikawa?" He watched as you left the store and into your car. He follows suit and watched you speed off. Oikawa quickly makes his way back to the restaurant and seats himself disgruntled. "Y/n called me Oikawa..."

"That's your name isn't it?" Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow.

"She always calls me Oiks or Ru, never Oikawa," He says. "Did I do something wrong?"

Iwaizumi shrugged even though he knew the answer well enough. After Oikawa had asked Kasumi to be his girlfriend, your demeanor had changed. Iwa was the first to notice too. Typically, after school you'd see the duo before practice started, yet since you learnt Oikawa had eyes for another, you stopped.

One day, Iwaizumi decided to follow after you when school was over. He trailed behind as you walked to your car door. You pulled open the door handle only for Iwa to shut the door immediately after. You turned to find Iwaizumi with scrunched eyebrows. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "Why haven't you came by before practice?"

"No reason, I'm just busy," You lied.

"Liar, what's wrong?" He asks yet you remained silent. "I won't tell Shittykawa just tell me why you're being so distant...and also why your eyes are always puffy."

You paused before answering, "I'm just...upset with Oikawa...and Kasumi.."

"Do you..?" Iwaizumi implied. You nod and looked at the ground. "What have you been doing since you found out about them?"

"Driving," You sighed. "Just driving...It's keep me off my mind all week. I bear the fact that he looks so happy with her and not...me. God I'm so stupid."

"Don't say that-" Iwa started but you immediately lashed out.

"It's true! I was too late to confess! And I fell for the one boy I can't have!" You felt tears well up in your eyes. "I can't even drive by certain places without getting upset. I take backroads and I avoid them completely. I hate driving by his house but it's the only way to my own. He just treats me like another fucking fan girl! I'm just so stupid for falling for my best friend." Since that day, Iwaizumi kept to his promise. Not word about your feelings were said to Oikawa.

butthead: hey are you busy right now ?

you: no, what's up?

butthead: can you help me with something?

you: depends

butthead: meet me at the library so i can tell you more :)

You locked you phone and tossed it into your passenger's seat. You looked up to see the light change to green, allowing you to speed into the highway. Your hands rested at the bottom of the wheel as you drove. The slow, lo-fi music surrounded your car as you drove which let you get out of your trapped mind.

It was a crazy thought to think that you and Oikawa were so excited to drive together. Yet now all you want to do is drive alone. You turned up the volume of your music as you merged into your neighborhood. You leaned further back into your seat as you were driving around the suburbs. You glance at the white cars lining one street leading to the library. You scoffed at the sight as a repressed memory resurfaced.

"Why do you like white cars so much?" You chuckled.

"Because they look clean and nice? Sorry I don't like your basic silver car," Oikawa raised his hand to block your face.

"I'm basic? Says the one who wants an automatic," You pretend to throw up to mock him.

"For someone who can't drive yet, you talk big," Oikawa pats your head only to be smacked a few seconds late. Oikawa drapes his arm over you as you walked down the street to the library The entire walk was filled with mocking and talking about the future. "Let me teach you how to drive, that way we could go out together more."

You finally arrived at the library, spotting Oikawa before parking the car. He watches as you easily parallel park and is stunned by how casual you are as you drove. You set out and approach him. Oikawa holds out a snack to you but you politely refuse.

"Let's go inside?" He asks. You shrugged and followed him in. Rather than sitting beside him like usual, you sat across from him. You still had those feelings for him but you couldn't stand sitting next to him. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you anticipated his next words. "I was wondering if you could help me with Kasumi?"

Ouch.

"With what?" You ask.

"I want to give her a gift, right?" He starts. "A gift that goes along with me telling her I love her."

He loves her?

Your heart aches but you decide to move past that. "Isn't it a bit early to say I love you?"

"Well, we were long time friends before we started dating and I feel like it's the right time to, y'know?" Oikawa leans forward on the table. "Can you help me find a gift?"

This feels familiar. Helping him find a gift for a girl that isn't you. It seems like anytime he does have a crush he'd come to you for advice. This is the first time that you didn't want to give into his favors.

"No," You sighed.

"No? Wait why not?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

"Because," Say it. "Because I-"

"Because?" Oikawa tilts his head at your response.

"Because I can't keep doing things like this for you," You stood up and began heading for the entrance. Oikawa followed afterwards as he could see the pain in your voice.

"Y/n, talk to me, we haven't talked in forever. Tell me what's wrong," He says as you exit the library. You ignore his voice and reached for your car door. He grabs your arm but you shove him off.

"Would you just- leave me alone?" You snapped. "I don't want to help you, okay?"

"What did I do?" Oikawa was beyond confused at your response.

"I- You- Ugh! Just go away, I don't want to see you!" Your voice cracked as the suppressed feelings began to rise again.

"Why not!" Oikawa grabbed your arm again, this time you weren't able to break free.

"Because I fucking loved you idiot!" You yelled. Hot tears streamed down your cheeks as you stopped struggling in his hold. Oikawa paused and stared at you in wonder.

"You...loved me?" He asked.

"I still fucking love you! God, I hate you- I just- Let go!" You pulled off him. "I'm leaving. If you try to stop me, I'm never speaking to you again." You wiped your tears as you entered your car. Driving off into the neighborhood, crying at the red lights knowing you could've ruined your whole friendship.

Oikawa watched as you sped off. Those words lingered in his ear as he stared down at his hand where you let go. His mind was lost in thought, how could his best friend love him? Was he that blind that he couldn't see your admiration? "She...loves me?" He thought.

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @d0llpie @elianetsantana @joy-laufeyson @kac-chowsballs

#haikyuu #haikyu #hq #haikyuu x you #haikyu x you #hq x you #haikyuu oikawa #hq oikawa #oikawa x you #oikawa tooru #oikawa imagine #oikawa angst #hss; sckyie playlist

167 notes · View notes

meenah-chan · 3 years

Text

Solace

A Belphegor x GN! MC fanfic

3.14k words

Genre: Angst

Trigger warning: mention of death. Read at your own discretion.

Requested by: @belphiesimpalways thank you for patiently waiting for this. Supposedly, this is for your birthday but still, belated Happy Birthday to you!! This became a little bit too long, and I actually changed the whole thing twice 😅😅 I changed the title too to prevent confusion, hope you don't mind.

He lost it the day he lost his beloved sister. A place to call his home. Yet he met them. The one who brings light to his dark days. But what shall he do, when this solace was never been his?

“How I wished I didn’t met you at all.”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

He can hear the harrowing sound of the clock, ringing inside the closed space. As if it were imitating his increasing pulse. Belphegor couldn’t open his eyes. He won’t though, even if he can. He fears he’ll see it again. The agonizing sight of that cursed attic, where he is trapped, cold and lonely. Each click, each clack drives him on a brink of madness.

Somebody please make it stop..! Curled up in his bed, writhing in anguish, Belphegor tried to block the sound with his trembling hands.

Let me out… I hate this place...

“It is for your own good.” Lucifer’s voice reverberates throughout the whole room. His guide light and the hero of his stories… once upon a time, that is.

For my own good? This place was a nightmare! He was imprisoned! He was trapped inside his head, with nothing but bleak thoughts!

He felt cold, with no one to hold onto. With no Beelzebub or Lilith, ready to embrace him when he’s afraid…

Ahhh…

Right…

Even if he managed to escape that place, there’ll be no more Lilith to hold him. To comfort him. To make him laugh of joy and happiness. No more… Lilith is no more…

“...Belphegor?” he snapped his eyes open and suck in a deep breath, as if the voice pulled him out of the deepest pit of the abyss. His heart was beating fast, bathed in his own sweat.

It was just another dream. He was not trapped in the attic any more. He was freed, by the person with him right now, sitting beside his bed, a few weeks ago. “Are you alright? You’re sweating buckets and squirming in your sleep.”

“I’m fine. It was just pretty hot in here.”

They stared at him for a moment before replying. “...If you say so… Wait, let me get you some water and a change of clothes.” unconsciously he raised his hand, fingers tugging on the hen of their shirt which stopped them from their tracks.

“Don’t need one… Just stay here and be my pillow.” Still, feeling a bit anxious of being alone, he didn't let go.

“That won’t do. You’re so drenched. If you don't change clothes and rehydrate, you might get sick. I'll be back in a jiffy.” Yet as they swiftly pried his hand off their clothes, he couldn't do anything but to watch them stride out of the room.

He sighed, recollecting the series of events from the time he met them. “...What a weird person...” He muttered under his breath.

A few weeks ago… Just a few weeks ago, they succeeded in freeing him... Just a few weeks ago, they died by his hands... Yet, they kept on approaching him like nothing had happened.

But oddly enough, he also couldn't get them off his mind; to want them by his side. The only time he could find his peace of mind is when he's with them.

I guess I'm weird too...

Silently, he observed them. The way they speak and walk. The way they would scold him when he chose to nap over catching up his missed lessons. The way they tap and hum unconsciously, while studying with him to encourage him to do so. Those awkward laughs they made as they tried to mend the rift between him and his brothers. The sighs left their lips as his brothers fought over who would have them. The slow and silent steps they make to slip away. The way they wink and place a finger over their lips and pull him with them.

Especially the way their eyes disappear when they're smiling. He can never describe how soothing it was, that smile.

...until he suddenly felt it wasn't.

The way they make the very same smile to Lucifer, Belphegor couldn't help but feel a little bit too irritated. Yes, it was Lucifer. He’s naturally annoyed by him, after what he's done. But this is a little bit different from his usual displeasure.

The youngest just wanted to pry the human off him and drag them away. He knew he couldn't suppress the burning sensation rising from the pit of his stomach. He also knew he'll regret what he wanted to do. He'd look possessive. Delusional. He may even hurt them in the process. So, he chose to escape the scene instead, into the attic which was once his prison.

“Belphegor! I got... and you're asleep.” the demon dares not open his eyes as he hears them make their way to him. “You didn't even remove your uniform...or your shoes. I'm really amazed how you can fall asleep in a matter of seconds.” They carefully remove the shoes and socks from his soles.

Oh no... That's not a good thing. For every touch of their skin sends tingles throughout his entire body. Each cell screaming in a way he never felt before. The bed shook as they crawled in, reaching for the buttons of his vest. He was at his wit's end, completely conscious of the human's presence.

Before they could ever reach for the last row of buttons, his hand stopped them before he lose it.

“What do you think you're doing?”

“Y-You're awake?!” Before they could ever pull back, he tugged them in his chest, flustering the human even more.

“H-Hey, let go. Your uniform will get wrinkled.” They tried squirming out to no avail. The demon is just too strong to make him budge.

“Don't want to.” To hide his warm and probably beet red face, he clasped their nape and keep their face over his shoulder.

“I still haven't changed out of mine.”

“Hmm, goodnight...”

“Hey...” after a few more stirring in vain, they just sighed and let the youngest have it his way.

This is bad. Thought Belphegor. The annoyance he felt a while ago dissipates as fast as it builds up inside of him. Still, his heartbeats and head were in utter chaos, the time he held them so close. He said he’s returning to slumber, yet his heart showed no signs of ever slowing down. He bet they could hear it, but he have no more energy to even mind it. After all, amidst the chaos in him, could also feel he won’t be getting any nightmares right now.

“Say Belphegor. Do you have a fever? You’re hot and your heart’s beating a bit too fast.”

“Just tired from the extra work a while ago. I just need some rest.”

“If you say so...”

He could no longer deny this feeling inside him.

He… fell in love with a human. He found it, the peace to his raging storm. The salve to his wounds. But they can never be his solace.

He lost it the day he lost his beloved sister. He lost his home. His freedom. He doesn’t have anything but his disgusting self, who could only obsess over keenly observing each and every move they make. Like a stalker. Like a creep. Like a predator eyeing its prey.

But they were never been his. And the day they learnt of his habit is the day they will be disgusted by him.

“Lucifer!” and the fact that they were attached to his eldest brother— the one who robbed him of his freedom once— didn’t help.

They would link arms around his. Heck, even snuggled to it as they do so, with that widest smile upon their face. The small giggles they give off as the abomination in the form of his brother praised them while petting them. Oh, how he wanted to just cut off that hand straying onto them! How dare he touch–

…them that might have already belonged to him, long before he could enter the picture…?

No. There's just no way that heartless brother of his to fall for a mere human. That brother who bowed down to a demon the day his sister died. And the human who taught him how to love again, to fall for Lucifer. That’s just… impossible… It’s just too cruel…

But I love them too! I can love them more than that fiend who chose a demon over his family!

“No, you’re much crueler…” He could hear the whispers at the back of his mind. “Have you forgotten what you did? You killed them. Do you think you have any rights to even lay a finger on them? You spiteful, wretched, monster…”

…Right… He has no rights to have them… He lost it before he could realize the weight of his actions… It was the painful truth. A punishment for a sinner like him. He could regret it until his last breath but he could never be forgiven.

He doesn't deserve to have a place in their heart. Never. Never…

The door to the twins’ room creaked open and he knew exactly whose footsteps it was without the need to look. “Belphegor, Lucifer gave me some sushi. You like this, right? Let’s eat it while it’s fresh.”

Lucifer again, huh...

“It’s yours. Eat it yourself.” There’s no more point in fighting a lost battle.

Let it grow, “Ehh? But you like—”

“Let’s stop this.” … or let it go.

“…Huh? Stop what?”

He also fears what he might do in the future due to this rotten affection of his. “Just as I thought, I couldn’t stand humans. You’re so naïve and trusting. I’m already fed up with dealing with your antics.”

“Wait, I don’t understand…” They asked, confusion and unease were all over their face.

“You don’t? Then let me explain in a way you’ll understand in that small, gullible brain of yours.” He took a deep breath. He needs to keep his cool or he will definitely break in front of them, “Everything is all an act. You thought I like being with you? Think again, fool. Having a human around me fills me with nothing but wrath and anger! Who do you cause my nightmares!? Your race disgusts me to death! Just looking at you makes me want to puke!”

“B-Belphegor… please tell me you’re kidding.”

“Kidding? Do I look like I’m joking?” he scoffed, holding back the pain clawing in his chest. “Be thankful for my brothers. If not because of them, you won’t be alive the second time, nor your ignorant race are.

“I won’t touch a hide of you or any human. So please, stop bothering me anymore.” being unable to stifle the emotions on the verge of bursting, he turned his back on the devastated human.

This is for the best. He’s back in his cage. Staring at the lacework of the long-lived spiders on the ceiling. He already witnessed its threads wear and replace countless of times. That might not even be the same spider he saw on his first night there. He could care less. After all, the only time he was truly curious of a being is when he met them.

How he wished the thread of his feelings were as flimsy as the spider’s. That way it’ll fall off over time. It can simply be cut off when it comes on his way.

“How I wished I didn’t meet you at all.” He knows it well. He is a big liar. In some way or another, just like the firstborn. But they deserve him more than his wretched self.

Lucifer, he was the morning star. The fact that both heaven and hell were captivated by his beauty and excellence. But Belphegor… he was nothing but a bleak abyss. He once dreamt of his brother’s greatness. Yet he couldn't be anything. He, miserable and empty, who only had nothing but guilt, regrets and a broken heart— as he watched them weep.

It’s been weeks since then. They never approached him like he said. Neither in the dining table nor classroom do they discern his presence. It was painful, but he can take it. The only unbearable one he felt is catching them cry— in Lucifer’s arms.

How long are they going to cry? Is it still because of him? No… This is for the best...

This is his atonement. His fate. He still couldn’t have anything, yet he already lost everything. His—

Lucifer… He is staring at him straight in the eye. I should leave.

But Belphegor couldn’t leave. Not after the eldest gave him that sly smirk. What does that mea…

Lucifer didn’t give him time to think. “Wha, Lucifer…?” Sound of confusion left their mouth as Lucifer grabbed their chin firmly between his index and thumb, with the menacing look on his face. “What are you—!”

And the gap between their faces disappeared. “Hmph!” The sight of the futile struggle of his beloved in the hands of the man he entrusted them to… made the youngest snap.

“LUCIFER!!!” His horns and tail materializing, he lunged towards him. His clenched fist flying in the air, aiming for his jaw. Yet, as if expecting it, Lucifer evade him, loosening his grip on the stunned human in the process. Belphegor saw this as a chance to pry them away from his brother’s hands, before jumping a few meters away from him.

“When are you going to learn to clean after your own mess, Belphegor?” As if the devious smirk were never been present on his face, Lucifer looked at them with his usual expression.

“What the hell?! You’re the one who assaulted them!!” He snarled like a wild animal, holding his treasure protectively from the threat.

“I didn’t do anything. Ask them yourself.”

“Ask? Do you think I’m blind?!” His stance became stiffer, fangs sheathed and glaring sharply at his brother, who is unfazed.

A light tug on his collar made his eyes soften, and caused him to realize his tight grip on them in which he loosen. “Are you hurt?”

“N-No… Lucifer’s saying the truth… He didn’t kiss me. I was just a bit confused he pressed his thumb over my lips.”

“.... What? Okay, but still—!”

“Do you think I’m a fool, Belphegor?” Lucifer cut him off, “I know what you’re planning. I'm already your brother for thousands of years.”

“...”

“Do you now understand the consequence of your foolish action? You left someone important to you in the care of others. But you didn’t think that sort of thing might actually happen?”

“But it’s you who they love!”

Lucifer’s frown deepens, “Even if it were some lesser demon they’re in love with, I bet you'll leave them in their care.”

“I...” He… Lucifer’s right… No one's more dangerous for them than himself.

Belphegor's horns and tail disappeared as he calms down, processing what his brother is saying.

“Everyone’s dangerous in Devildom, you fool. If you really are sorry for what you did, protect them instead.”

“Protect? But… But I...” Ignoring him, the eldest glanced at the person between the youngest’s arms.

“Do you already get what I’m saying Y/N?” They nod. “Not only are you both foolish and stubborn, but also blind. Now fix this yourselves. I’m done with your drama.” pinching the bridge of his nose, Lucifer left them in that awkward position without another word.

“...I’m really sorry. I was afraid to hurt you more than I already did.” After a moment of silence, Belphegor decided to break it first.

“You already did, you idiot.” Wiping the stray tears on their puffy eyes, Belphegor gave them a sad smile. “I guess I did.”

“But I still don’t think this is alright. Shouldn’t you be a bit more wary around me? I mean you already… died in my hands once.”

��You brat. Do you think I’d cry like that if I we’re okay with not being with you? I've never held a grudge against you in the first place.” They pout.

“Why? How can you forgive me that easily?” The demon frowns at them.

“Well, wouldn't life be more wonderful if we know how to forgive and forget?”

Frustrations were evident in his eyes, Belphegor's frown deepens. “That's not right… I killed you mercile—”

“Then shouldn't I be asking you? Why can't you forgive yourself?” He didn’t answer. Mistakes have already piled up as is.

Forgive himself? Why? Does he hate himself?

...Yes... I probably do... He loathed himself. terribly so... But they, who tasted the his abhorrence. He couldn't understand how they didn't.

“You want you to find happiness.” They cupped his disgruntled face in their palms, foreheads touching as they gave him comfort.

“I can’t.” with glassy eyes, he held a hand on his cheeks, “Not when you are my happiness. Not when you liked my brother.”

“You really are blind. And here I thought I was just assuming things.” their giggles were like music to his ears. Their orbs were like the placid sky set upon him. “You really are blind. And here I thought I was just assuming things.”

“I love you, idiot.” And their words, with no hint of doubt or hesitation, hit him like a surge. It made his feelings overflow, coursing throughout his entire body, and finally spilling on every corner of his eyes. It made him unable to speak. “I’m not even hoping for you to feel the same. I just wished to stay by your side… and for you to cherish yourself like how I’ve been to you.”

Belphegor felt so happy beyond words. Such indescribable feelings swirling inside him, one that he can’t put into words. With so much running inside his head, the only line he could form is… “Thank you.”

Weeping, but from so much joy this time, they huddled in each other's grasp, not caring of their setting, until their hearts finally felt whole again.

And after such a blissful moment, “...that’s it? No I love you too?” They spoke.

“What are you saying? I already said I love you.”

“No you didn’t. Saying I’m your happiness and confessing are separate things.” they frown at him, expecting.

“It’s the same.” Yet knowing how stubborn the demon is, the human raised their white flag, although disappointed.

“Okay, alright…” They sighed, wiping his eyes with a tear-stained handkerchief. “Why am I the one comforting you anyways? I’m the one crying because of you.”

Belphegor smiled mischievously, like he didn’t cry a while ago. “Because I’m the youngest.”

“Ugh, why did I fall for a spoiled brat?” Another sigh left them as they pulled him up, “Let's go, I’m sleepy.”

Yet as soon as he rose on his feet, he placed his arms on the back of their knees and shoulder blades to carry them, gaining a small yelp from them.

“Hey...” no protest managed to leave their lips as he sealed it with a chaste kiss. Probably not their first but it was the sweetest one. It only last a few seconds, but Belphegor knew fully well. This memory will last forever.

“I love you more, my solace.”

#I seriously don't know what I did here XD #hope you liked it tho #jumping to the next request tomorrow~~ ヾ(≧▽≦*)o #obey me fanfic #obey me belphegor #obey me belphegor x reader #obey me belphegor x mc #obey me boys #obey me #obey me masters #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #meenah-chan's babey fics~~#meenah-chan~~

49 notes · View notes

canis-lunaris · 3 years

Text

Introducing: The Wandering Witch AU

(With transgirl!Remus, questioning!Sirius and endless conversations about the metaphysics of wandless magic)

This is the latest installment of our various Wolfstar AU's with August, one we came up with while we were on a mini-holiday, celebrating our third anniversary.

In this universe, pureblood-supremacy is rampant, keeping the Wizarding World in the permanent dark ages. Muggle-born wizards are only allowed a wand upon being accepted at a magic school, and most institutions favour pureblood children over half-blood, or muggle-born students. Wands are registered and heavily regulated, including tracking-spells and random spot-checks for counterfeit, or unregistered wands by Ministry officials.

After a werewolf-attack at age 4, Remus Lupin’s father tries to teach her magic using his own wand, knowing she would never be allowed into Hogwarts. However, performing magic with someone else's wand is not only dangerous and illegal, but also extremely difficult. Remus — a savant, who can sense magical currents in a way none of her peers can — realises that she doesn't need a wand to focus her power, and instead develops her own way of casting — or spell-weaving, more accurately —, tying an intricate web of knots between intent and the ambient magical currents to shape reality to her will. While admittedly crude and volatile, her technique turns out surprisingly potent, which makes her more than capable of protecting herself against the many dangers of a transphobic, werewolf-hating world.

Because her condition places both her and her family in a vulnerable position (the "werewolf-issue is an ages-old favourite talking point of mainstream wizarding politics, including a fearmongering campaign designed to marginalise intelligent magical creatures and eradicate non-human magic users), the Lupins decide to avoid registering their child after the attack, relying on the help of muggle medicine and corrupt healers to nurse her back to health after the transformations. They move frequently, bouncing Remus from school to school, but once Remus has gotten a basic education, they settle down in an isolated cottage on the Scottish highlands, and her mum takes on the duty of homeschooling her.

Having been brought up in a mixed family and lived the majority of her life as a muggle, Remus is well-versed in the matters of 21st century life. Once they settle into their new home, she starts transitioning, takes up Luna as her middle name, but keeps Remus as her first name, refusing to abide by arbitrary societal rules about names being connected to certain genders, rather than the people wearing them. After both her parents meet a tragically early death in a car accident, Remus finds herself alone in the world, with both a house and a large sum of money to her name; she sells the cottage and spends her parents' life insurance settlement on getting bottom surgery, then sets out to travel the world, looking for someone, or something to find a meaningful connection with.

----------

On a glance, Cassandra Black is everything her most ancient and noble house could want for an heir. She is brilliant, powerful and a downright genious when it comes to magic; the only problem is, she's a bit too smart for her own good, and no amount of discipline can keep her from asking too many questions. The only thing her bewildered parents achieve with their constant, increasingly violent punishment is that young Cassandra stops asking them, and starts looking for answers of her own.

By the time she's 11, she's thoroughly disillusioned, worlds away from the conservative, blood-supremacist doctrines she was brought up with. Upon entering Hogwarts, she spends the first free breath of her life on convincing the Sorting Hat not to place her in Slytherin, a decision she pays for with the world as she knew it. In return, she gains a new, brighter one, full of friendship, adventure and budding romance — although dark secrets, stomach-turning injustice and bitter heartbreak too. When it comes to her parents' attention that she is sleeping with a witch, their treatment turns from toxic hostility to open abuse, severing all emotional ties between Cassandra and the House of Black. She spends five years as a proud Gryffindor, but by the time her 16th birthday rolls around, she feels like she'd learnt everything Hogwarts had to offer — the good and the bad alike. She decides not to return to the castle for the sixth year: instead, she uses the start of the school year to orchestrate an elaborate escape plan, that would make it impossible for her family to find her. She breaks her wand and vanishes into the night, never to be seen again.

British Wizarding society erupts in chaos, because even one as scandalous as the Black heiress, the mysterious disappearance of a 16-year-old, pureblood-aristocrat (and a witch, for that) brings the Ministry's messaging about public safety into question, and the story keeps the tabloids busy for the better part of a year. The family puts out an enticing bounty on their firstborn's head, but regardless of the spectacular reward, no one can locate Cassandra, and without a wand to track, she proves to be impossible to trace. Eventually, the tabloids move on and the story slowly fades into the background, although, en lieu of a body, they never officially assume her dead, and the family never gives up the secret search for their wayward, blood-traitor daughter.

----------

Three years later:

Somewhere, hidden in the mountains of Scotland, there is a halfway-house, for magical folks who need to get off the grid, for one reason or another. Remus is a regular visitor, using the shelter's reinforced cellar for the full moon, and taking her time to recover at the quaint little house for a while thereafter. Nobody bothers her there, and while people do use the retreat — it's always clean, stocked with food, healing items and clean bedding, among other obvious signs of habitation —, she'd never encountered any other guests during her visits. This time, however, an unpleasant surprise welcomes her, in form of a backpack and a half-drunk bottle of wine on the porch, and soon, she finds the owner of the items as well, lounging on her favorite sunning spot.

The stranger looks ragged; unkempt and malnourished, and when they speak, their voice sounds hoarse, like they haven't used it for a long time. Remus is immediately weary, even though the stranger looks very young and rather unimpressive, expect for the very posh accent and the fact that despite their extremely strong magical aura, they did look startled, almost terrified when Remus walked up behind them — and yet, their hand never even twitched to draw a concealed wand.

"I’m armed!" the stranger warns — maybe they expected a muggle? —, but still doesn't move to reveal any weapon. Remus is quite certain she could take them on in one-on-one combat regardless, should it come to that, but she finds it alarming that this runaway teen would survive alone in the wilderness for what seems like a considerable period; a feat that requires a number of skills and the kind of training that does not come with the elocution training the stranger's speech suggests. Not just the accent, the face too... Under the layers of dirt, severe sunburn and a fading black eye, there is just something eerily familiar about them.

She introduces herself as Remus — it's one of her favourite ways to quickly size up a person, based on their reaction to her obviously masculine name. She does the whole cheeky, "whatchagonnado" act she perfected throughout the years, expecting anything from a spiteful comment to a confused eyebrow-raise in response, but the stranger just nods and gives her a polite "hello, Remus", like this was the most normal interaction between two people who just met at a shelter for magical misfits, in the middle of fucking nowhere.

The stranger, however, is less forthcoming about their identity, and Remus has to openly ask for their name after 10 minutes of tense, but idle chitchat. The stranger blushes a deep red, and once again, there is that flash of panic in their eyes, before they blurt out "Sirius... Black."

"Oh."

Of course, Remus thinks, wondering how she missed it before. She knows exactly who Sirius is, or who they used to be — she'd seen this face a million times before; a younger, smoother version with fewer sharp angles and without the haunted look in their bloodshot eyes, but the very same face was once plastered all over Britain — on missing flyers, in front page news, later on wanted posters... 10.000 galleons are a fine bit of money for a head like this. She gives the stranger a sideways glance, and they glare right back at her, with a defiant expression that might have betrayed their famous origins, even without the esteemed family name. The Blacks, they do all look the same...

"Well, that answers the question whether you're a muggle" Sirius remarks with a bitter chuckle. "Look, I know what you're thinking. And yes, they do have the funds, but just so we are clear on this, if you move to draw, I'll attack you, and it's gonna be over before you ever reach your wand. You will lose, most likely die, and then I'll have to spend this lovely evening digging a hole for you in the woods instead of sharing a bottle of crappy wine. So, just don't, okay?"

Remus can't help but admire the kid's bravado — they aren't stupid, she can tell that much, if from nothing else, the fact that they somehow successfully evaded one of the most powerful magical families, and their countless footmen, for over three years without ever leaving a trace; and yet, they seem to know when they're outmatched.

"Who says I'd need to draw?" she smirks, hoping to provoke a quick duel out of the youth. She likes to get the power-struggle out of the way early on, just so nobody gets ideas while she's sleeping or in recovery. The young Black might turn out to be a reluctant ally, but they could mean real trouble after the full moon, if they were to follow family tradition in wanting to rid the world of a monster like herself. Three days left until the next transformation, which means she's at the height of her power, so taking Sirius out here and now would be the wisest, and she thinks she could do it without harming them too badly. Nothing she couldn't fix in a blink afterwards.

Sirius measures her with a curious squint, slowly raising their left hand into the air. All five fingers are adorned with a variety of silver rings, from plain, thin bands to heavy signets with rune-engraved stones. A web of glowing lines flare up on the back of their hand, spreading out from an intricate magic sigil on their wrist. They emit a faint, blueish white light, running along each finger to the tip, as Sirius charges up for a wandless spell. Flashy, but creative, Remus thinks, truly impressed for the first time. She's used to wizards relying on their wands to do the work for them, and she knows seven different ways to dismantle the connection before they ever get to fire off. The stranger's magic is different — it's raw and unpolished, but brutally powerful, and very complex, in a geometric sort of way. This would be more difficult than she initially thought, and she's unsure if she could immediately disarm Sirius without having to literally dis-arm them.

To avoid confrontation, she raises a hand in front of her too, conjuring a harmless little will-o-whisp in her palm — a trick she developed as a child, tied up on the bare cement floor of her parents' basement, waiting for the curse to take hold. There was no light in the basement; she was lonely, cold and terrified, so she made herself a friend, a cold flame to keep her company while she was waiting for the moon.

Sirius' eyebrows disappear somewhere under their tangled fringe, but their face lights up with a huge, mischievous grin:

"Remus, the girl raised by the wolves... You're not boring at all, are you?"

#the rest is history #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #fanfiction #wandering witch meets wondering bitch #trans!remus #trans!sirius #fanart #long post #julien draws

5 notes · View notes

deepperplexity · 3 years

Text

Prompt: 17. Loneliness

A/N: We are getting closer to the end of Snapemas and I wanted to write something I haven't done earlier through this prompt list. Fair warning, it is a bit sad... But I feel like this is yet another subject to shine some light on. There are some cute/sweet parts too! (Written on mobile so the paragraphs are a bit wonky, sorry 'bout that!)

Setting: Christmas party at the Burrow, Snape is approximately 85-90 years old

Characters: MANY xD

Word count: 1814

Warnings: Major Character Death

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // SNAPEMAS POST

After the war, so many years ago, Harry had told everyone of his exceptional work and dedication. He had been celebrated as a hero along with many others. He was acknowledged and people were not so frightened of him back then as they had been earlier. They nodded at him on the streets, the students had asked him to tell them stories more times than he could remember and he had made friends and amends.

Yet, none had found him to be of romantic interest. None had found him worthy of their time and love. None had found him to be partner material and he had never had a romantic relationship. One night stands, sure. But no relationship of mutual love, not a single person to share his life and home with. He had thought, he had hoped, that one day someone would find him worthy but it had never happened.

So there he was, sat in a wonky armchair surrounded by other families and everything brimmed with joy. Except he felt none. He was empty and sad, alone in the world. He knew all too well that once the party was over he would go back to his dusty home and silence would fall again. As it always did. He would cook for one, do laundry for one, clean only the spaces he used and the morning coffee would always be shipped in solitude. Not that it will continue for much longer, old as I am and my body giving way. He allowed the thought to linger. Sure, he could make potions, keep his health up and live to 150 probably. But what was the point of that?

"Severus, dinner is nearly ready. Shall I ask Ron to help you get seated?" It was Hermione who spoke to him with a soft smile on her lips as she marched over.

"I am quite alright to get seated on my own," he huffed with a slight sneer but Hermione only rolled her eyes.

"Everyone, it time to eat!" She called so loudly it could be heard all the way through the Burrow. Just as Molly's voice had once been heard even in the smallest of corners and highest of rooms.

"Come on now, up you get," she said and grabbed him with strong arms.

She marched him over to the table as his back ached terribly and his knees refused to function smoothly. She plopped him down and he sneered at her.

"There we go," she said with a smile as she patted his shoulder.

"Now, don't be a Grinch and smile." Severus could not help but do as he was told since it was nearly a tradition for her to utter those words. She gave his shoulder another pat as the table was swarmed by several generations and it was extremely cramped. But Hermione always made sure he had enough space, even if the newest generation always wanted to crawl all over him. Why? He had no idea. Perhaps all the stories their parents and grandparents had told them of the war, of his part in it.

"Granma' 'mione" Hermione turned at the little girl who stood next to her leg.

"What is it dearie?" The granddaughter of Harry and Ginny had clearly inherited her looks from the Weasley side of the family with her red sparkling hair and twinkling eyes of mischief.

"I wanna sit here," the girl said and pointed to the chair next to Severus. Hermione smiled.

"I think your father wants to sit here," she said and the little girl pouted while Hermione smiled so widely her eyes wrinkled even more.

"Bu' I wanna sit by Uncle Sevy!" She stomped her foot with an angry expression and Hermione sighed.

After a while, and some bickering about who would sit where, everyone had a place in the recently remodelled and extended dining hall of the Burrow. Hermione had done a great deal to fix up the place as she and Ron were the only ones who wanted the place when Molly and Arthur had passed away from old age. Severus had helped with some magical binding spells and such but he had not been able to do much as his body did not age well. Hermione always said it was because he didn't allow enough joy and exercise in his life and he always huffed at the words. But lately, lately everyone had seemed more worried about him and comments like that had stopped coming. He suspected it was because he was truly old and brittle now.

"Well go ask-"

"Of course you shall sit by my side you little trickster," Severus said with a thunderous voice and the girl beamed at him before she quickly crawled up on the chair and Hermione simply scooted her in closer to the table as Albus came in.

"That's my seat!" He said and he played the shocked parent role as his daughter laughed on a giggle.

"Uncle Sevy said I get so sit with him," she giggled with a proud expression and Albus shook his head in defeat as his daughter, being merely 5 years old, was as headstrong as any child could possibly be.

"There is room for everyone," Hermione chided and Albus took the seat next to his daughter as the chair on the other side of Severus had already been claimed by the grandchild of Hermione and Ron, one of Hugo's daughters. Little Mary. She was a quiet child, as in she did not speak unless it was an absolute necessity, but very attentive and brilliant in her own way.

The chaos of Christmas dinner ensued after some thanks had been said for everyone's attendance, and the children begged for their gifts to be delivered after dinner. Hermione, the boss of them all, had shut it down with a few chosen words. So they all started to eat, talk and laugh again. The house was truly filled to the brim with them all. Three generations, four if you counted Severus as a separate one, which surely made sense?

The food was delightful, the children as well. The adults were in the middle of various conversations while helping the little ones. Severus kept a close eye on the two little ones closest to him and helped them as much as he could while Albus's daughter blabbered about gifts, school and the new pyjamas her mom had given her a week earlier - apparently, it had reindeer on it and that was obviously very important to tell him. On his other side sat Hugo's daughter in silence for a long time as she gently ate and listened to the conversations around her. She was also 5 years old and yet she seemed very different from the rest of the children. Less out there and more closed of. Severus found himself to be very attentive to her, even when the other children and adults called for his attention he still had her under his gaze.

Once the table was cleared and the squadron of Weasleys and Weasley-related people had moved out to the living room while the Potters and Potter-related people trailed after Severus was still sat by the table. He was looking out the window as snow fell silently in tiny little glittering flakes. Someone tugged on his sleeve. Hugo's daughter, Marry, wanted his attention. He glanced down at her.

"Yes?" His tone was as gruff as always yet there was a hint of a surprise in there somewhere. Mary looked intently at him, unflinching and unwavering.

"Can I sit?" She pointed to his lap and Severus opened his arms so the girl could climb up into his lap. It was an odd feeling. Not that the children didn't do it, even the previous generation had wanted to sit in his lap - well that time it was harder to accept but eventually, he had learnt to deal with having children crawl all over him. No this was an odd feeling as Mary never wanted to sit in a lap, be hugged or held in any way. She wanted no physical contact with others when it wasn't on her terms. And everyone respected that (even though he knew it hurt her mother deeply). But she snuggled into him, her knees raised as she leaned her side into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her gently. They both looked out the window in silence for a moment.

"Does it hurt?" she asked and Severus arched a brow at her. He was still rather good at that.

"Does what hurt?" he asked and the girl ever so slightly tilted her head.

"Life." Severus gawked at the girl. His mouth slightly open as that was in no way a question someone so young should ask.

"I saw it," she whispered, "the hurt, the bad people." Mary fidgeted with her fingers as she looked down.

"You saw it? Severus asked and she nodded silently.

"Would you like to tell me?" he asked and she nodded again.

"What did you see?" He asked and she peaked up at him.

"I see all kinds of things," she said softly, " some good, some bad, some make me sad. Like you. When I see things from you it makes me sad. You seem sad. It hurts," she said and Severus was quite surprised at how well-spoken she was for her age - and the fact she barely talked.

"Is that so?" She nodded at his words. He gave her a small smile.

"Well, you see Mary, life is difficult. Life is hard. But it is also beautiful," he said as he struggled to find words the little child could understand and also not to tell her too much.

"There are good people and bad people, there is love and hate. Some choose the wrong path and end up at the wrong place," he continued as they both yet again looked out the window.

"I don't understand. You are good but your life was bad? Wasn't it?" Her direct words cut through him harshly yet he smiled as she called him good. Children, unlike adults, said what they thought and felt. No filtering. Just honesty.

"True, my life was not easy-"

"And grandpa's pa was mean to you. But you like grandpa? You protected him? I don't understand." Severus stiffened, how do you know that?

"Mary, can I ask, what exactly do you see?"

"Well, I-" a burst of loud laughter broke through their little bubble and Mary jump a little as she grabbed on to Severus.

She relaxed again, "well I see what has happened, what might happen too. Sometimes it's really clear but sometimes it's hard to see. It's, foggy. I think that is the things that might happen."

"I think you're right," Severus murmured. Maybe she's a seer?

"Have you talked to your parents?" Mary shook her head, "Is this why you don't want to be touched?" Mary nodded, "do you see things about people more often when they touch you?" he continued in a steady, unwavering rhythm of his thunderous yet low voice. Mary nodded again.

"I see."

"That's my line," Mary said with an attempt at a smile. Severus smiled and gave her leg a little pat.

Yet, a thought occurred to him.

"May I ask, why you are willing to sit with me?" Mary tensed ever so slightly.

"Do you want to know?" Severus nodded sharply. He did indeed want to know even though he had a hunch.

"I don't see more foggy things from you and it feels, feels different. Feels like there is no more." Severus sighed, he understood her words. He had felt life slip away the past year as well.

"And the bad stuff, there is not so much bad left in them. Have you, hrm... I don't know the word."

"Accepted them and moved passed it?" Mary nodded that that was what she meant, "I believe so, I believe I've come to terms with those things in the past."

"But not the loneliness, I see it. The empty house. The coffee cup." Severus sighed at that.

After a moment of silence where Mary curled up even more and leaned her head against his chest that rose and sunk with every breath.

"I'm gonna miss you," she said in a hushed whisper. He gently stroked the top of her head, a coldness spread through him as the realisation truly hit him. He was nearing the end of what was his life. And who knew what waited beyond the border between eh living and dead; certainly not he.

"I will miss you as well. But I won't go far," he said softly and she chuckled ever so slightly.

"You shake when you talk uncle Sevy," she said, "it feels nice."

"Well, I have a deep voice. It happens," Severus said with a tired yet warm smile as he relaxed with her in his lap.

"It's nice," Mary whispered and after a moment he felt her body grow heavy as she silently fell asleep cradled in his arms.

It took several minutes before Hermione appeared in the doorway, just outside of Severus view as he was watching the snowfall outside still. She silently beckoned Ron, Hugo and Hugo's wife Ellie to come over. She pointed towards Severus and little Marry who was slumbering deeply. They all had wide smiles over their lips as they watched the scene.

"She's, she's in his arms," Ellie whispered on a suffocated sob. Hugo hugged his wife gently as tears gleamed in his eyes as well. Hermione stepped over as silently as she could.

"I'll take her," she whispered and Severus arched a brow at her.

"She's fine here," he said as he actually did not want to let the little girl go. Not for his sake, no, but for her sake. Little Mary, who never got human contact without an ensuing anxiety attack or crying. Little Mary, only five years old, who had to see things none should. Not only the one life she lived but everyone else's as well. He held her softly and Hermione nodded.

"I'll check on you in a moment," she said and he nodded ever so slightly. Hermione left and took the rest of the crowd that had gathered with her before she closed the door and left Severus in solitude with the sleeping child cradled ever so gently in his embrace.

When Hermione came back over an hour later Mary was sleeping even deeper. Her little hand splayed over Severus's chest and her head slightly tilted where it rested against his arm. she was heavy ad his legs had fallen asleep but he did not mind, no he did not mind one bit as Mary had a tiny smile on her lips as she slept peacefully.

"Should we put her to bed?" Hermione whispered and Severus nodded with a small smile. It was indeed time to let go. Hermione skillfully snuck her arms in under Mary, but the little girl stopped smiling instantly. Hermione swiftly walked out with the little girl as Hugo entered the room with Ellie in tow.

"Thank you," Ellie whispered as she silently cried tears of joy.

"How did you manage to get her to sit in your lap? Please, tell us," Hugo said and Severus gave the couple a tired smile.

"She asked, I obliged," he simply stated. They looked a bit confused at that. But Severus ignored it.

"You have a gifted daughter," he said, "and I do not mean that in the general spew people cast about when it comes to children. I truly mean, she is gifted. You ought to speak with her, and get help." This seemed to both concern and confuse the couple. Severus allowed his gaze to glide over to the window. An old man's pleasure, to look at the world outside.

"What, what do you mean, Severus?" Hugo asked as he crouched beside him.

"She's a seer," he simply stated.

"A, a seer?" Ellie asked as she sat down on a chair next to Severus.

"Indeed, and physical contact gives her more visions. visions of the past, the present, the future. It's all quite much for suck a young girl. You ought to get her help, allow her to explore and train her ability before it hurts her even more," Severus said and he did try his hardest to do so in a gentle way.

"She told you?" Severus nodded at Hugo's words.

"She, she never told us she, we just thought she, was special. Had special needs..." Ellie sobbed and Hugo looked as if he was devising a plan. Severus did not really concern himself with it as he knew he would not be here long enough to see what happened. He had felt it, and with Mary's words, he knew it. It was all ending.

Once Harry had dropped Severus off at his home and apparated back to the Burrow Severus sagged in the hallway. He was exhausted and he felt as if he could sleep for weeks. It was indeed a struggle to just undress and get ready for bed. But once he was properly tucked in while wearing his most comfortable nightshirt he slowly drifted off to the world of dreams. Little Mary's smiling face greeted him and she took his hand in hers. It was warm and soft, gentle as she tugged him through a field of sunflowers that echoed with children's laughter and the softest of music lingered in the wind.

The living room was filled with talk about Mary as Severus felt himself grow even more tired.

"Severus, would you like Harry to take you home?" Ginny asked with a gentle smile as she walked up to him.

"I presume that would be in order," Severus said and Ginny immediately told Harry who got dressed in coat and boots as Ginny helped Severus get dressed. He felt such disgrace at being such an ordeal but Ginny kept telling him it was no trouble and that they loved to have him with them. He could not fathom why and did not dare to question it as that might have changed their minds. They were, after all, the closest thing he had to a family. How it came about he still could not quite understand but it had happened at another Christmas party many years ago.

His breathing slowed as he found peace. His heart stopped beating as he felt warmth and joy spread through his younger body in the world of dreams and love. His soul drifted away, led by Mary's sweet smile as she called for him to come home and be free. All that was him left the world of the living and his body that still had a face etched with a soft smile. As he stepped over the border and embraced eternity Mary let go of his hand. And he knew, knew he would see her again, in many years when she was old and wise. When she had lived her life he would great her with a smile as he was no longer lonely and cold.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // SNAPEMAS POST

Uffh, this hurt to write but at the same time, I really wanted to try my hand at this kind of sorrow and joy... This older version of Severus, this lonely version who never got a chance at love in life. but who still managed to find joy and peace in the end.

I hope you guys liked this despite it being dark/sad and different <3

Tags: @lizlil @snapefiction @morphineisouthoney @setsuna-meiou31 @snapefiction @monstreviolet

[Dec:2020]

Want to be tagged? 💚

You can tag yourself HERE!

Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

35 notes · View notes

kirishwima · 4 years

Note

Can I please request the RFA recognising MC as someone they had a crush in middle/high school?? and whom they haven't seen in years. Pretty please. Also V maybe if that's not too much to ask?

awe that’s such a cute idea! sorry it took me so long to get to writing it T-T

I won’t write V right now as I only have a limited amount of time, but I’ll add his story in a reblog soon!

But since it’s difficult to write for Seven and Ray given their canonical story, I’ll skip them for now-if you’d like me to write an AU version for the two please let me know!

I’ll be using they/them pronouns for MC since you specified them as such!

YOOSUNG:

* We know he was quite the popular boy in high school, even getting love letters~ He wasn’t all that interested in anyone at the time though, too busy studying instead

* There was however one person who caught their eye; they sat right next to Yoosung, and whilst he never paid much mind to them before, he once overslept, ran to class late, and after getting a good scolding from the teacher, he realized as he rummaged through his backpack he forgot his textbooks.

* MC, seeing his frazzled expression and his desk devoid of books, simply slid their book closer to him, acting nonchalant all the while. They didn’t want the poor guy to get scolded by the teacher yet again after all.

* To Yoosung, at that very instant, MC looked like an angel that fell from the heavens, here to aid him in his moment of need...and they were cute to boot...it didn’t take long for him to start talking more often with them, his upbeat personality endearing and MC’s charm enough to make him develop his very first crush.

*It’s not like they were in the same friend group or anything, so they only saw each other during certain classes, but they chatted often enough, greeted each other in the hallway-and Yoosung couldn’t help the blush on his cheeks everytime MC smiled at him, shoving his friends playfully when they teased him over it.

* Even Rika asked him about it once, after he nonchalantly mentinoed MC, his cheeks betraying his emotions as she took note of that-(I’d like to think it’s one of the reasons she later on chose MC to send to the RFA *eye emoji)

* But well, time passed, final exams came and the stress of it all overtook everyone, and before anyone knew, graduation came and went-he wanted to find MC during the graduation ceremony, tell them to keep in touch, but with the large number of people around that day it’d be a triumph to even spot MC in the crowd.

* So when years later, MC stumbled in the RFA chatroom, Yoosung didn’t immediately recognise them-only when they got to chatting, realised they both went to the same high school, and took the same classes, only then did Yoosung realise just who MC really is-and boy was SHOOKETH. That MC? His first and only crush?! Is now a member of the RFA? And he gets to talk with them again?! Suffice to say, Yoosung would NOT let this chance go, not this time.

ZEN:

* Zen actually met MC in middle school, back when he still didn’t really realise just how pretty he is.

* Girls would constantly flock around him, even teachers would gush and tell him he’s so pretty-but that never made little Hyun feel good about himself. It felt suffocating, weird to hear such words then go home to hear the exact opposite. Just who was he supposed to believe?!

* Once whilst running away from a group of kids trying to touch his hair, he ran into a seemingly empty classroom and shut the door behind him, ducking down to avoid being seen through the classrooms’ windows. What he didn’t initially notice, however, was a piano, a relatively simple wooden one in the corner of the room, a little kid sitting there, their feet barely reaching the pedals beneath, staring wide-eyed at him.

* He motioned to the kid to stay silent as he shuffled towards them, hiding behind the piano as the flock of kids came by the class, one even opening the door to ask the kid sitting at the piano-MC, if they had seen a ‘pretty boy’ come by.

* MC side-eyed Zen, raising a brow as they turned to the kid standing by the door. “I didn’t see any pretty boy” they stated, “but if you’re looking for someone with white hair...they went that way” they said, pointing down the hall.

* Once the door was slammed shut and the sound of feet hitting the floor was but a distant echo, Zen got up from his hiding spot, coming to sit beside MC, breathing a sigh of relief.

* “Thank you” he sighed, “they kept trying to touch my hair” he elaborated.

* MC looked to him with furrowed brows. “Why?” they asked. Even Zen was taken aback by the blunt question; everyone he met kept telling him how his hair was like snow, how soft it must be, some even trying to touch it right away. Yet this kid looked to him like it’s such a stupid thing, like there’s no point in trying to touch his hair-it was a breath of fresh air in his hectic world.

* He laughed-he couldn’t help it! “I don’t know!” It was the truth.

* That was the day he and MC became friends-they were in different classrooms, but he’d ocasionally come visit them during breaktime, and MC even taught him how to play the piano-he could proudly play the entirety of ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’ by the time the end of the year, and by the time they were about to graduate middle school, he’d already learnt quite a lot, even practicing on his own when MC wasn’t around.

* They promised one another they’d keep in touch, Zen admitting he didn’t have any plans of going to high shcool, how he wanted to become a musician, how his parents had started getting stricter and stricter-when he decided to finally run away, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep in touch with MC, not in the way he wanted to at least.

* It took a while for him to realise he liked them-it was only on the day he ran away, sitting on a bus to nowhere and everywhere when he realised the only person he’d miss, the only one he regretted never saying goodbye to, was MC-and it hurt more than he’d care to admit, the realisation he’d never get the chance to see them again, to admit these feelings to them.

* Well time passed, and whilst MC still kept a dear place in his heart, the memory of them slowly started fading away, their features hazy in his mind.

* When MC stumbled upon the RFA chatroom and gave them their name, Zen hummed to himself, a small nostalgic smile on his lips.

* “MC huh”, he typed, “now that’s a name I haven’t really heard in a while. Actually, my first crush was named MC!”

* Oh ho ho Zenny boy....when you find out that MC and this MC are one and the same.........

* He’ll die a blushing mess bc he’s a soft boy and can’t wait to hold MC close and express the feelings he’s carried in him for so long OKAY.

JAEHEE:

* She met MC before her parents passed away-when she was still a little child, her hair long and her smile wide, her eyes shining like the sun with glee.

* She and MC met on the first day of kindergrarden-MC had been running towards the school gates, tripped and scraped their knee, and Jaehee was there to witness it all.

* Unable to see someone in pain, Jaehee walked to MC, kneeled down beside them and used the end of her skirt to wipe the few droplets of blood from the wound. She then patted the wound, and gave a quick kiss to MC’s knee.

* “That’s what you should do when someone gets hurt!” Jaehee said, her smile gentle, “now it’ll get all better!”

* MC was so awed by this magician-schoolmate, she couldn’t help but follow Jaehee around the entire day, asking her if she knew any other magic spells, even told every other kid about how ‘fairy Baehee’ stopped their knee from hurting!

* It was an adorable friendship-they’d refuse to leave each other’s side all throughout class, would only reluctantly seperate when their parents came to pick them up.

* They’d often even stay at each other’s home, having more than one sleepover where they tried to stay up as late as possible and failing.

* When other kids started to get interested in romance, Jaehee frowned. Why would she need anyone else than MC? She didn’t need a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ or whatever they were called.

* One day as she was getting ready for dinner, she looked to her mom and asked her if she knew how one can know if they want a girlfriend or boyfriend. Her mom laughed, Jaehee’s honest curiosity too cute for words, and picked her daughter up, sitting her on the kitchen counter so they could speak face to face.

* “Baby, to have a boyfriend or girlferiend, you have to be in love with them. I can’t tell you how to be sure you love someone, because it’s different for everyone. But with your dad” she started, humming in thought as she ran a hand through Jaehee’s long hair, “well, I knew if someone tried to tell me not to be with him, I’d hate that. And I know I want to be with him, no matter what.”

* Her mom tried explaining further, but Jaehee didn’t need any further elaboration-she immediatly knew who she loved.

* She let her moms words simmer for a while longer, but never got a chance to let MC know how she felt-her dad passed away shortly after she entered middle school, and she and her mom ended up having to move away, her confession hidden to the back of her mind as she dealt with all this new information and changes.

* She and MC tried to keep in touch even after she left, but being so young and not owning a phone or any social media, it was hard, to say the least. By the time the two were old enough to (responsibly) use the internet, memories of one another faded, and with Jaehee’s history, it was hard to even find the time to think of MC-though she would from time to time, as she lay awake in bed, wondering what happened to that kid she once loved.

* MC stumbling into the RFA was like fate’s way of giving Jaehee a second (or well, first) chance at love-and an apology for torturing her in the hands of Jumin Han and Elizabeth the 3d lmao

JUMIN:

* We know he went to a prestigious school, but down the street from his fancy private school was a regular high school, one where our dear MC studied at.

* If it were on his own terms, Jumin would never really pay a second glance to that school nor its students-not that he cared much for his own classmates either lol

* But well, one day his driver was running late, and he was stuck waiting for him at the front steps of the school, unable to take a step further-not in the crazy rain that fell vigorously down to the street, soaking any unsuspecting passerbys that had forgotten to bring an umbrella with them-Jumin being one of them, as was MC.

* “Shit! Ah, crap, no-” a litany of curses could be heard as a person ran towards his schools’ entrance, towards Jumin-he took a step to the side as a figure came to a halt besides him, taking shelter from the rain besides him.

* He raised an eyebrow at the person who stood beside them, their hands resting on their knees as they caught their breath after running, their cloathes soaked to the bone, their skin visible through their flimsy school shirt. The colours and the emblem on the coat they seemed to have tried and use as a make-shift umbrella showed Jumin it must be a student from the school down the street-not that he was interested or anything.

* But well, he was waiting for his driver and had time to kill since V had already left, so...

* “That’s quite the vulgar vocabulary for someone your age” he stated, surprising the person as they looked up to him.

* “Oh yeah?” they asked with a raised brow, “they don’t teach curse words in your fancy curriculum?” they teased, ready to cut the conversation with this pompous rich kid short if need be.

* Jumin was...surprised, to say the least. “Is there such a class in public schools? I’m afraid I never heard of it. I’ll ask my school if they offer it.”

* He didn’t expect the kid to stare at him wide-eyed before laughing, going as far as to wipe tears from their eyes with the way they laughed.

* “You-you’re serious?! Oh my god-I’m so sorry for messing with you dude.”

* Jumin’s refreshing innocence, his confused pout as he tilted his head this way and that, it was so different from the haughty rich-kid attitude MC was expecting, it was nearly endearing.

* The two got to talking, and something about MC’s wit, their snarkiness that was simply kindness in disguise intrigued Jumin-he couldn’t help but even smile at one of their jokes, the two bonding in the long time it took for his driver to get here.

* As a slick black limousine stopped right in front of his schools’ gates however, a chauffer coming out with an umbrella in hand to escort Jumin to the car, it was like a bucket of cold water washed over MC-of course, as cute as the dude might’ve been, he was still a rich koid, someone from a completely different world than theirs.

* For Jumin however, this brief encounter would mark him. He’d been unable to get MC’s face out of his mind for weeks thereafter, and everytime he dreamt of encountering them again he’d wake up with a furious blush on his cheeks, even daydreaming of them in class.

* But well time passes, and the feelings faded-although they never completely left, not with someone like Jumin, who’s been unable to feel that thumping in his heart ever since that day.

* MC coming into the RFA was like a silly rom-com film where the fated couple meets again decades later as changed people-and well, it kind of went exactly like one of those films would hahah

-send me a mystic messenger headcanon or prompt-

#mystic messenger #asks #fanfics #mysme #mysme fanfics #jumin han #yoosung kim #hyun ryu #mysme zen #mysme prompts #jaehee kang #mystic messenger prompts #mystic messenger headcanons #mysme headcanons #childhood au #au #mysme au #mysme v #jihyun kim

126 notes · View notes

minorin-fanfictions · 3 years

Text

Jimin Oneshot - You Are My Problem

The match was over. Bangtan lost. Jimin's head hung low as he made his way towards his teammates. You wanted to console him, tell him he did great but when you saw Hani, their manager, rubbing his back and sitting too close to him for your liking, all plans to comfort your man were out the window.

Now, being the rational person you were, you weren't gonna cause a scene over something trivial but all hell broke loose when she pulled him in an intimate hug nuzzling her nose in his neck. It was obvious about her darn interest in him and Jimin was being as dense as ever.

You had interrupted their moment just to talk privately with Jimin, pulling him into a more secluded corner.

"Jimin, you need to stop letting your manager be close with such intimacy. She seems to have taken strong interest in you"

"I am not in the mood, babe" you should have listened but you went on.

"You are never in the mood but we need to talk about this."

"Later, [y/n]", ignoring the absence of a nickname you continued

"That's what you said last week and the week before. We barely spend time and you have excuses already piled up!?"

"Not now, [y/n]" Jimin had his fists clenced but you failed to notice it.

"Do you even care? I am giving my all in this relationship "

"And i am not?" He stared incredulously.

"Doesn't look that way. You prefer your fangirls and that flirt manager of yours over me. I wanted to tell you about a lot of things but you keep bailing on me! I am your girlfriend, you know?"

That was the last straw because his next words shook you.

"Maybe it doesn't matter to me! Stop being so fussy over something so damn childish. You're being insensitive and selfish. Hani-shii is as harmless as a fly. Why can't you,for once, understand me. You don't even care about how i feel right now and yet you decide to rant shit about people i care about. Hani-shii isn't bad at all. Your doubtful attitude is something i would prefer living without. Infact, i wish for you out of my life, [y/n]."

With that he stormed to his team. Your breath hitched at his last statement and you knew the damage had been done. It was too late to stop him and slowly he was slipping away from your grasp.

You weren't angry, no. Instead, hurt would be a better word for the swirling emotions. Grief stricken you made your way towards your apartment. Slamming the door shut, you sank to your knees and let the sorrow take over. No one was around to hear the resonating sobs. This was the feeling you had before meeting Jimin. Afterall, you are an orphan. And now, the foreign feeling was back, filling your mind with flashes from the past.

Night fell and you looked outside the window with red puffy eyes and cold cheeks. Vivid images of the argument flashed through your mind. A sigh escaped your parted lips as you stared at the moon.

The argument had escalated into a fight. Nothing physical just lots of hurtful words thrown at each other. You know you should have tried to console him over his loss but then your insecurities mocked you. You wouldn't have minded until she got extra touchy with him. But you know you are the one at fault.

"It hurts," the lump in your throat made it difficult to speak, "Jimin never raised his voice at me, maybe i did take his patience for granted". You knew you weren't going to get any sleep so you made your way towards the small kitchen and cooked ramen for yourself. The few minutes felt like hours and within that span of time you had realisation knocking into you.

The past months, truly had been spent with you being overbearing. " I was being selfish like Jimin had said. The constant need for his full attention, the clingy behaviour infront of his teammates was not what he needed." You were oblivious to Jimin's exhausted state and look where your absent mindness has landed you. Amidst the internal conflict, your eyes had moistened and soft sniffles echoed in the small kitchen. The untouched ramen was left cold while you placed your head on the table to ease the pain building in there. Your breathing soon evened out and after that slumber had engulfed you.

When you woke up next, you were already placed on your bed. Your eyes stung a bit but you could make out the 4:05 AM your clock read on the nightstand. The heavy hand placed around your waist caused your heart to squeeze while the all too familiar scent that lingered in the room had you turning around in no time.

The locks that fell past his face were still a little wet giving away the fact that he may have just ran here after taking a shower. The dim light of the moon was enough to make out the red rims around his eyes making you regret your outburst entirely. You gently encircled your arms around his torso and buried your face in his chest snuggling closer. It was silent until he broke it,

"I am sorry, [y/n]"

Unsure if it was the strain in his voice when he said your name or the fact that he just apologised for a fight he wasn't at fault in but it had you hugging him tighter, afraid that his next words would break you two apart.

'It could be those break up lines where he just apologises first so the other person doesn't feel bad or -' your thoughts halted.

"I love you, please don't leave me"

And cue you looking up only to have him staring right back at you with those doe eyes. This man would be the death of anyone.

"Say something, [y/n]"

You wanted to tell him so many things but your paranoia wasn't helping the situation at all. Your orphan status wasn't benefitting your fears either. How were you supposed to tell him that your insecurities hit you everytime people questioned your relationship.?

"This was a bad idea, I should have stayed home, you need space. I shouldn't have raised my voice, you probably hate me. I couldn't sleep knowing i hurt you so i - Oh gosh, I'll leave first"

Before he could leave, you held his hand around your waist only to tug him closer. Taking a deep breath you poured your heart out from the silliest errors you had to his importance in your life.

"I have been scared for the longest time now. One day you'll realize how incompatible we are for each other and how far you are from my reach. But i have learnt that there are ups and downs. There is sadness and happiness. The joy is intertwined with sorrow. There is so much more to this world than what we perceive. Those forces keep us balanced. I believe my downfalls have allowed me to value the exhilarating moments shared between us as well. Thank you, Jimin for everything you do and i am sorry for all the tantrums I have thrown. I am sorry for what I did. I am sorry for stressing you out. I do become selfish when it comes to you but i promise I'll work on my insecurities. You don't deserve to be drained out by my problems. I wish I could be those girls who are confident and -"

"I adore you so stop rambling about what you need to be for me, you are my problem" he chuckled before suggesting, "I haven't been spending time with you so how about we go to the amusement park today. "

"I would rather stay home, have a movie marathon with cuddles and snacks"

Now if it was any other day, you wouldn't have missed this opportunity but his tired eyes were pleading rest so you decided on the last thing your mind could resort to.

Jimin's plum lips curled up slightly, his crescent eyes staring lovingly at you, "Sounds like a plan, babe"

It wasn't long before soft snores echoed in the room and lulled you to sleep. As long as, Jimin was here you'd overcome your problems together. Atleast that is the unspoken promise his intertwined hand told you.

#bangtan #bts #bangtanboys #btsarmy #drabbles #jimin #jiminimagine #jiminff #jiminoneshot #oneshot #fanfiction #btsjimin #parkjimin #pjmff #pjmoneshot

6 notes · View notes