How hard is it to say "I do like you"?
It's only as hard as hearing " I don't"
With you, I never could plainly write, say or even admit it
So I tried to walk it, cook it, drink it, slam it, joke it and finally cried it.
FYI... I did like you...
Never did I climb a 900m mountain high, even less with a smile
Specially not on a period day but with you alongside me I lightly walked the miles away
I was never the one who cooked, I always was the one bringing the drinks
But when you said "I love figues" then I fell into baking
You will never find me drinking home and I just don't like blond beer
But since this apéro there is a pack waiting in case you again, spontaneously appear
I haven't written poetic lines in years
But when you shared those songs to my hears
I immediately took all my clumsy rhymes thinking they could made a way to your mind
But I got ghosted
Oh... One thing I believe to be... Is being funny
So when I heard you liked my humour
I dared to even go hard core
I desperately cling on any occasion
To get a spam of your attention
But I soon came to conclusion
That the price of your smile is my denigration
On that bloody day I couldn't contain it...
The hurt of not being seen... even when on your passenger seat
About cold girls, once again you complained
But that time, being ignored was too much pain
I cried but you had no clue
That I had fallen for you
How hard is it to say "I do like you"?
It's only as hard as hearing " I don't"
I know you don't... I accepted it
This is why I now can speak
I take pride in loving despite not being loved back
So I want to share with you a few facts...
I clicked from the very first texts you sent me
I knew I was about to meet someone smart & funny
Obviously I found you kind of hot
And was intrigued by your in and out
I must also admit that I looked with envy
How passionately you can go angry
But I fell when you opened wide
Liberating a glimpse of your inside
It got me when I saw despite your fightings
How harrowingly you were still hoping
I wanted to stand next to you.
I melted for your thirst for justice, righteousness and peace
I was nourishing the secret dream
Of who you'd be if you met Him
I saw how you honor your family
How you crave for a girl baby
How much you love my bestie
I hoped, if with you it would also come to me
When I witnessed your soft, broken heart longing for an embrace
It triggered my desire to introduce you to the God of amazing Grace
Yet, I can easily list all your failures, all the things so wrong you carry on
Trust me, none of them made me want to run and be far gone
But ... If I am fully honest
I must also confess
Despite, I so badly wanted to be your chosen buddy
I resigned because Jesus is not part of your story
He is the reason why I silent my longing
Even when all in me was crying
It was never the fall shorts or fear of shame
Actually not even the excepted rejection pain
It is my vow to follow him
And not get lost in wandering
And if one day I build a family
to only do it for His glory
In the end I know it is for the best
That it is for my faith a test
Can I loose and yet bless?
But back to you ...
How hard is it to say "I do like you"?
It is not... I actually learnt it even is a privilege
When you see in a person so much beauty
When you only except from him to also see
How precious, how lovable one can be.
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
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