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cosmicjoke · 3 months

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Okay, chapter 56 of Saezuru!

First, I just want to give a huge thanks to @itwearsadress for providing such a quick and amazing translation for all of us!

So, this chapter was extremely, extremely interesting.

My main impression here is that, while there's definitely been a breakthrough of sorts between Yashiro and Doumeki, there's still a great deal of fear and uncertainty in both of them. The entire first half of this chapter was Yashiro trying, in vain, to avoid Doumeki's probing questions. To me, Yashiro came across as really terrified, and I think that terror was coming from the genuine belief that Doumeki was just messing with him, basically using his new found knowledge of Yashiro's impotency as a way to be unkind. Normally, this sort of thing wouldn't bother Yashiro, at least, not consciously, but he's in love with Doumeki. Really, really deeply in love. And we see what his perception that Doumeki is being intentionally cruel is doing to him. It's Yashiro's attempt to shield himself from that kind of hurt, the hurt of loving and not being loved in return, that's making him so resistant at first. I really, truly think Yashiro doesn't know that Doumeki loves him, at this point, and I think maybe he's never, truly known it. We have to remember, Yashiro's self-image is completely warped. He's believed all his life that he's not a person worthy of love, or even capable of being loved. His experience with Kage only served to reinforce that notion in his head.

I'll get more into this in a minute. But first, I want to talk about Doumeki's internal thoughts at the beginning, and what I think it means for the end of the chapter. Doumeki says to himself that he's been concealing his emotions to keep Yashiro from running away. Basically, we finally get a definitive answer explaining why Doumeki's been so cold to Yashiro. It's not so much that Doumeki is afraid of Yashiro's rejection, or that he's angry at Yashiro for that rejection, but more so that he just doesn't want to create a situation again in which Yashiro runs from him. He's trying to keep Yashiro at his side. At the end of the chapter, when Yashiro asks him what kind of sex this is that they're having, Doumeki very deliberately says that he's "a man without principles" and that he's just doing this to have sex. He's saying there's no emotion involved. That he's not "in love" with Yashiro and wanting to have sex with him because of it, but simply that he gets physical gratification from having sex with Yashiro, and that's it. I think Doumeki is saying here what he thinks Yashiro wants him to say, or what he wants to hear, because he thinks it's what will keep Yashiro around.

Basically, it seems to me that while there's some unspoken understanding between them, I think they're both still very much pretending here. Even if Doumeki suspects or knows that Yashiro cares for him, he still thinks Yashiro wants to pretend there's no emotion involved. That that's what's required to keep Yashiro with him.

The awful thing is, this is exactly the opposite of what Yashiro actually wants.

Yashiro's almost startled look after Doumeki says this, followed by a sort of sad resignation, makes me think that he believes it. Because when they first met, Yashiro plainly stated that anyone who developed feelings for him would be turned out. I think Yashiro looks sadly resigned here because he wants Doumeki to tell him he loves him again, he wants Doumeki to tell him he cares about him, but he doesn't, and Yashiro no doubt blames himself for that. I think Yashiro is, once again, resigning himself to the idea that whatever chance he had with Doumeki, he blew. He wants the Doumeki from before, who so openly expressed his love for him, but he seems to really believe that chance has passed him by. That he's ruined it. . He WANTS Doumeki to tell him he loves him, but if he can't and won't, he'll take the next best thing, which is just having Doumeki with him. So he just accepts it. He just accepts this idea that Doumeki has no feeling for him beyond the mutual, physical pleasure they share.

Now back to the first half of the chapter and what it tells us about Yashiro's state of mind.

Yashiro looks truly mortified for a moment when Doumeki shows him the memory card and asks him if he knows what's on it, before falling back into an apathetic attitude. That one panel where we get a close up of Yashiro's eyes shows us almost a moment of panic from him, and I think that comes from the sudden realization that Doumeki must now know he's impotent with everyone but him. I think this causes panic in Yashiro, again, because he desperately doesn't want to have to face Doumeki's rejection, and so he doesn't want Doumeki to know he has feelings for him. Doumeki discovering that Yashiro can't get it up with Inami, or anyone else, is tantamount to Doumeki discovering that Yashiro has feelings for him, which leaves Yashiro vulnerable to Doumeki's rejection. So we see Yashiro go into an extremely defensive mode at this point, pretending to brush it off, acting like he doesn't care if Doumeki watches it, acting like he's not ashamed or embarrassed. Yashiro's acting unbothered, but he's clearly freaking out inside. When Doumeki presses, saying "It seems that it's quite different with me", we again get a close up of Yashiro's eyes, showing a panicked, desperate expression, before he again tries to brush it off as just that "sort of play", trying to paint it as meaningless. Again, he's trying desperately to hide his feelings for Doumeki, to keep Doumeki from discovering those feelings. I think Yashiro's attempts at evasion here need to be understood through the lens of Yashiro's fear, and his belief that Doumeki doesn't care about him anymore. He thinks if Doumeki realizes Yashiro loves him, he'll either purposefully use it to hurt him, or just hurt him through rejection. So he keeps playing it off as no big deal.

But Doumeki keeps pressing, because he knows Yashiro is putting on an act here. He asks Yashiro why it is he's so satisfied with him, and again, Yashiro looks panicked. I think the following exchange is really important to understanding what's going on here with Yashiro specifically.

He knows he's trapped now. I think he knows Doumeki realizes that he can only get it up with him because he has feelings for him. We see again a resigned defeat in Yashiro's expression when Doumeki asks him if he remembers how many times he came. The important thing here is that, after answering that he doesn't, Doumeki says he doesn't either, and again, we see Yashiro's eyes up close, looking startled and hurt, and he slips again into pretending like none of it matters. Again, he becomes defensive, saying sarcastically that Doumeki is just being "mean" now. But Yashiro's expression here is very telling. He's smiling when he says the above line, but I think he means it. I think Yashiro's feelings are genuinely hurt. He thinks Doumeki is messing with him on purpose at this point. That he's rubbing it in, maybe to get back at Yashiro for how he treated him before the time skip. I think this exchange is, once again, reinforcing for Yashrio the belief that he's ruined any chance he might have had to be with Doumeki, and turned Doumeki against him, to the point that he thinks Doumeki wants to hurt him.

Doumeki meanwhile seems to be getting frustrated with Yashiro's continued evasion. We see his hands curling into fists when he asks Yashiro from what point it was he started to feel his body had chemistry with Doumeki's. He wants Yashiro to just confess that he has feelings for him, but Yashiro won't do it. I think, from Yashiro's perspective, he thinks Doumeki is just continuing to rub it in and is enjoying this, needling Yashiro, messing with him. Doumeki isn't, but again, this is from Yashiro's perspective. So we see Yashiro, again, get defensive, lashing out by asking Doumeki about his woman. Yashiro's hurt is obvious here. He's upset that Doumeki seems to be screwing with him, using his feelings against him, and so he lets his hurt over Doumeki's involvement with his woman come out. Again, it reeks of desperation on Yashiro's part. He's trying anything and everything to protect himself from the pain Doumeki's causing him, but he's only exposing himself further by doing so.

And Doumeki again calls him out on it, observing that it's unusual for Yashiro to show an interest in his personal life. Doumeki has Yashiro trapped again, basically telling him that he knows Yashiro is lying by acting like he doesn't care. Yashiro is on the back foot during this entire exchange. And again Yashiro gets incredibly defensive, this time standing up and trying to end the conversation. He knows he's got no way out of this now, no way to pretend any longer that he doesn't care, so he tries to escape it by fleeing. But Doumeki doesn't let him.

We once more see Yashiro lash out defensively, tearing away from Doumeki and telling him what he does in his life has nothing to do with him. His hurt again shows itself when he tells Doumeki that he's got no reason to "fuck" him anymore and that he should just go do it with his woman. Again, I think this exchange is super important. Yashiro is showing once more that he genuinely still thinks Doumeki doesn't care for him. His jealousy over Doumeki's woman is his despair over losing Doumeki coming out. We see once more Yashiro's resigned expression when Doumeki tells him that just like it's not his business who Yashiro has sex with, it's not Yashiro's business either who Doumeki has sex with. Yashiro's resigned expression here tells me again that he thinks he's lost Doumeki. I think Yashiro is operating during this entire exchange with the belief that Doumeki is just there to torment him. That's backed up by Yashiro's next words, when he asks Doumeki what it is he came there to do, and then accuses him of being there just to confirm that Yashiro can't get it up with anyone else and "take pity" on him. Yashiro's expression becomes one of apathy again as he says this. It's clear he's trying to shield himself. He thinks Doumeki is trying to hurt him.

But Doumeki of course isn't trying to hurt Yashiro, he's trying to get him to admit his feelings, and he just keeps pressing, because he knows he has Yashiro trapped.

One more really important exchange happens here, I think, when Doumeki presses Yashiro about how sex doesn't feel good to him with anyone else but him. Yashiro says "So what if that's true? You... You were only doing this to satisfy my sexual urges. What benefit is there to you?"

Doumeki's expression is startled here when Yashiro says this, and then in the next panel, it becomes soft, even sad. I think Doumeki realizes in that moment that Yashiro really believes that Doumeki never had any, real feelings for him, and that he only ever wanted to have sex with him for Yashiro's benefit, not because he was genuinely attracted to or in love with him. I think Yashiro's words here break Doumeki's heart, because of how truly sad that is.

And I think that sadness in Doumeki is compounded by his own belief that he can't just tell Yashiro he loves him. He says, in response, "The body chemistry is mutual". It's the best he can do without actually saying he loves Yashiro, because he still thinks, if he says that, Yashiro will run away. He doesn't realize how much Yashiro WANTS to hear Doumeki say it. Like I said, they're both still pretending here, because they both are still operating under false beliefs about the other. Yashiro under the belief that Doumeki doesn't love him and never has, and Doumeki under the belief that Yashiro will again run away if he confesses his feelings.

And then comes the big moment that everyone keeps talking about, which is an indirect confession from Yashiro of his feelings for Doumeki, when Doumeki says in reply to Yashiro's accusation that Doumeki has said some cruel things to him, "You liked cruel things, didn't you?"

I think Yashiro's expressions here are vital to understanding this exchange too.

Again, Yashiro, for a moment before his answer, looks stricken. The thing is, Yashiro DOESN'T like cruel things. He wants Doumeki, and he wants the Doumeki of before, the one who was so kind toward him. But he can't ask for that, because he still thinks Doumeki doesn't care about him, and he can't leave himself open to the kind of pain he'll experience with the rejection of his feelings. The next panel shows Yashiro with what I would call a resigned smile on his face as he says "I do". I think this is Yashiro saying he likes cruel things still, because he thinks it's the only way he'll get Doumeki now. This new version of Doumeki that doesn't love him, but is willing to have sex with him. It is an indirect confession on Yashiro's part, but it's once again predicated on Yashiro laboring under the belief that Doumeki doesn't love him.

It's really kind of a catch-22 between them, because Doumeki doesn't think he can say he loves Yashiro without driving him away, even as it seems he knows Yashiro cares for him, and Yashiro wants Doumeki to say he loves him, but can't bring himself to ask for it because he thinks Doumeki doesn't love him.

Basically, it's still a mess between them, even as we see a kind of acceptance happen at last in this chapter.

I think people tend to forget that Saezuru is, by and large, a tragedy, and there's a definite air of tragedy to this chapter. A lot of the expressions between Yashiro and Doumeki strike me as heartbreaking, resigned, sad, fearful, etc... I think that kind of encapsulates the general feeling of this chapter. It's definite progress, but it's progress that's still greatly hampered by misunderstanding.

Another amazing and nuanced chapter from Yoneda. I'm extremely eager to see what comes with chapter 57. I'm happy we'll be getting the next chapter at the end of March!

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #saezuru spoilers #chapter 56 #Yashiro #Doumeki

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makingspiritualityreal · 4 months

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12th House - Saturnian Slowness

Planets in the 12th house will naturally have Saturnian characteristics, as Saturn is the Karaka for the 12th House. As a result, if we have natal planets in the 12th house, these areas of our lives will develop extremely slowly. In these areas, we will feel like we are behind the average of our age group, even if the average doesn't mean anything spectacular. Sometimes it's circumstantial, sometimes, it's our understanding of it, mostly it's a mix of both. Naturally, the planet and the sign involved will determine what takes the most time to grow.

Sun in the 12th House - Will be slow to understand their impact in the world. Will be slow to understand what they are building through their actions. Will be slow to build up integrity and accountability for what their behavior caused and will have many regrets as a result. Will be slow to get their affairs in order. Will be slow to appreciate themselves. Will be slow to understand they have a place in this world, no matter how small.

Moon in the 12th House - Will be slow to simply understand oneself. Will be slow to know how they truly feel in the moment. Will be slow in ability to have spontaneous reactions. Will be slow to develop an ego. Will be slow to connect to a life on this Earth. Will take Earthly experiences for granted, and derive wisdom from them slowly.

Mars in the 12th House - Slow to defend their interest and protect their territory. May let a lot of people step over them in early life. Slow to learn how to say no. Slow to learn their dislikes, even slower to express them. Slow to communicate their opinion, because they don't realise what they stand for. Will miss out on a lot of opportunities to make a stand as a result, because they don't understand their own beliefs, and they're slow in forming opinions.

Mercury in the 12th House - Slow to make friends and connections. Slow to develop their intellect, even slower to appreciate it. Slow learning process, may be behind with their knowledge of basic facts. Slow but persistent skill learning. Slow to learn a variety of objective perspectives, as intellectual narrowness was prominent in household. Slow to learn how to discuss using objectivity. Slow to learn how to enter into profitable exchanges, or even if they are in one, they don't understand what they are gaining and giving. Often only appreciate exchanges once they leave their life.

Venus in the 12th House - A good position, as it takes time in life to develop comfort and build solid relationships. Will be slow to have a good social circle, but it will be a quality one. Will have delayed romantic experiences. Will delay their own pleasure and gratification for the best moment, which is why this is a strong placement. Will delay sexual encounters, and avoid unnecessary ones as a result.

Jupiter in the 12th House - Slow to understand a general perspective of the world due to lack of opportunity, that makes their early experience narrow. Was forced to grow in a small minded environment and not given chances to travel and broaden the mind. They become very wise as they grow up, however, being self taught and having a very broad and diverse perspective. Ultimately, the world opens up to them gradually, at its own pace. Slow to believe in the hand of the divine in their life, because it takes so long for everything to finally pay off and make sense for them. Feelings of genuine inspiration and faith are slow to appear and be proven, but solid once discovered.

Saturn in the 12th House - Its natural position, because it embodies a gradual, patient approach to growing up itself. Simply put, the native understands growing up takes time. That makes for a very smooth transition from childhood into adulthood (if no afflictions) and the person is able to grow up and make their mark on the world very naturally without feeling like they need to rush it. They also have amazing precision with their goals and the tenacity to build them up over time.

Rahu in the 12th House - Will be very slow to break out of their comfort zone. If there is a planet attached, it will be greatly delayed, as the North Node brings anxiety of the unknown. Will have a great delay in being able to follow their desires. Will be timid in having an approach that is unfamiliar to them, but most conducive to their growth. An extremely stubborn an impatient person, a walking contradiction that wants to grow but doesn't. They need to be pushed very far to surrender to change, but they are slow to do that too.

Ketu in the 12th House - Another comfortable positions, as they are able to completely surrender to the flow of time. Slowness of life doesn't phase them at all, as they allow it to proceed at its own time, while they pursue the opposite in Rahu instead. The definition of "let go and let God", subconsciously, as they believe things will take care of themselves while they pursue more practical goals. The flaw here is being extremely slow in developing a deeper philosophy of spirituality and analysis. They miss out on more significant conclusions regarding what happened in their life until a very late age, and may accidentally miss out on something deeply important to them as a result, while they were chasing something completely else.

#12th house #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology notes #astrology observations

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redditreceipts · 23 days

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https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/KVVfuXeOnH This is straight up autogynephilia, its like they don't even try to hide it anymore lol

Okay, so here is one thing I do genuinely not understand about all of these discussions. Like, these people must be aware about the discourse that is happening right now. They must at least know a bit about autogynephilia and how it's seen by the majority of the population. Why would they post stuff like this? How do they think any woman can trust them after behaving in this way?

I mean, I try to put myself into their situation. I imagine I was a man and had some political opinion, and people would accuse me all the time of having a fetish related to that opinion. If I actually had that fetish, I would do anything to shut my mouth about it, and the last thing coming to my mind would be to go on my respective subreddit and blast my weird ass fetish into the world for everyone to see. I guess there must be trans women who don't have such fetishes and just want to live their lives, right? How does this dude think it impacts trans women that are not autogynephilic that he just runs around and tells everyone about his weird ass fetishes? Proving the "TERFs" right that it actually just is a men's sexual rights movement?

I mean I know why they do it, it's because men and the only thing these men think about is their own sexual gratification. It just amazes me how ready these guys are to throw other trans women under the bus.

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminists please touch #gender critical #feminism #gc feminism #gc feminist #gender abolition #radfems please touch #radfems please interact #radfem safe #autogynephilia #agp #listen to trans women #misogyny #reddit #patriarchy

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dropout-if · 8 months

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I dont know who to romance 😫 everyone is so amazing

Thank you💕💕💕💕😭 I hope I can help anon.

Romance Jade/Jean if you want to feel like you're repeating a past mistake, if you want to explore the depths of the person you thought loved you and who you thought you loved. If you want fiery debates, deep conversations, and very rare moments of vulnerability. J will hurt you, and they won't realize half of the time, and the few times they do notice, J won't act apologetic. At all. It's reconciling past and present in order to potentially rekindle the spark between J and you. Being in a romance with them, though, pays off. They're loyal, protective, worried about you, they want to be involved in your life.

Romance Uma if you want to mend an open wound, if you want to explore the meaning of loneliness, of art and creativity. Uma's relationship with you is built on a very strong emotional connection that has since been neglected and left to rot. Romancing Uma means regaining their trust, revisiting the meaning of friendship. Uma's calming presence serves as a safe haven for you, their route is marked by genuine support and acceptance, it's embracing the unexpected.

Romance Statler if you want delayed gratification. If you're willing to take the risk of everything going wrong in every possible way—if you want to make terrible decisions, too. If you manage to overcome the major obstacle that's their partner Noir, Statler's route is mature and grounded. It's about quite literally forcing Statler to enjoy life, to fight for their dreams, to discover what they truly want to do. Their romance goes beyond being an old unrequited high school crush.

Romance Wanda if you want a bold and passionate experience, an unanswered question of "what went wrong?" Wanda isn't about the baggage, she won't create needless drama—there's enough surrounding her life as it is—and she expects you to do the same. Her route is built on a mix of flirtatious charm and genuine affection, a relationship that is characterized by bold gestures, heartfelt confessions, and a sense of adventure. Wanda seems like the least angsty route, and if you believe that she's without worries and concerns, she has fooled you too.

Romance Kai if you want to meet your opposite in life. If you want the kind of experience that your entire family is going to disapprove of. If you want to discover the limits of physical attraction, if you want to blur all the lines and watch as someone with very noncommittal tendencies experiences a very intense chemistry with you. Kai's route is full of witty banter and surprises, it's about opening up and overcoming past mistakes and traumas in order to properly enjoy the present.

Romance Travis if you want a grueling experience with very little communication. If you want to feel truly and genuinely hated prior to the reconciliation. Unlike J, Travis knows he can potentially hurt you. He knows you well enough to know and remember all your weaknesses, he knows how to exploit them, and he won't hesitate to do so—Travis is hurt enough he feels justified in all he says and does. If you endure Travis (regardless of a positive or negative reaction), romancing him means peeling off all his layers, slowly meeting again your old best friend.

Romance J&Kai if you want to dive headfirst into a complex web of emotions and attraction, if you're prepared to juggle the enigmatic J and the intense Kai. Both J and Kai have their quirks and challenges, and navigating their romantic dynamic is no easy feat. They're driven individuals who often clash, attempt to tear each other apart, and who will try to drag you along with them. It's about reconciling differences, and exploring the depths of your connection with both of them.

Romance Uma&Travis is like looking into a mirror of a past could have been. It’s about mending old wounds, embracing the beauty of art, and rediscovering the meaning of friendship. Uma, with their calming presence, provides a safe haven for all three of you, fostering genuine support and acceptance. While Travis may initially resist, this route is about peeling back the layers of his defenses and finding the camaraderie that was once shared in your close friendship.

#dropout #dropout if #ask #ros #j gray #kai alofa #statler amani #travis camaro #uma bharat #wanda pavon

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gingebreadbeetle · 3 months

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I know I said I would shut up about hazbin, this blog isn’t really created for hazbin/helluva boss content and was created so I could write essays on whatever interested me - and I suppose hazbin is that current interest?

But for me Hazbin Hotel is the plummeting point of media literacy regarding the Bible. I know , I know “ it’s a comedy set in hell! Of course it’s not going to be THE SAME! It’s for fun! It’s Vivs own spin on hell!!”

It’s a poorly researched hell, where there is no love in the world and for some reason the devil himself and the seven sins ( bar Mammon so far ) don’t even act like sins. And if that’s the case, why are actual bad people down there when the demons REPRESENTING THE SIN aren’t even half as bad?

Dante’s inferno is a self insert AO3 fan fiction before AO3 ever existed, but Dante knew how to write and convey emotion in his poetry - he knew how to write hell and he was dedicated to representing not only hell but it’s counter part realms.

Hazbin hotel feels like a self insert AO3 fanfic show but with only the worst parts and no reward. The world building is shit. The characters aren’t developed enough and their arcs are rushed. I know they only had eight episodes, but they’re trying to do too much. Fiona and Cake had a similar amount I believe ( 8-12? I can’t remember I’m sorry) and it still stands as an amazing show exploring like six different characters in the time it needed.

Viv’s characters don’t feel personal. They don’t feel like they had the same passion or love for the source material. But worst of all, for a comedy? I don’t feel rewarded watching an episode of Charlie’s daddy issues being resolved and the king of hell signing off on her idea in roughly 22 minutes. And I don’t find it funny seeing one of my favorite characters being used in a rape joke right after we do an episode on how sexual exploitation is bad.

This is a very messily structured essay I’m aware. I’m not a huge Bible lover, I’m not a Christian, and I don’t think we should diminished the harm Christianity has done.

However, it is clear Viv has only focused on just that, the harm the Bible has brought and none of its messaging of love, none of the best literature it’s brought and none of the movements it’s genuinely impacted in a positive way. ( Lillith being used as a feminist symbol for Jewish women?)

TLDR;

I’m very tired of witnessing comedy shows set in hell with little to no care for how it’s said to be. I’m tired of media repeating itself and thinking it’s new and fresh because there’s gay people! It’s not. Viv’s hell isn’t a fun idea. Hazbin hotel isn’t fun unless you enjoy instant gratification and no work towards the reward.

#hazbin hotel critical #Hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel #vivzipop #rant post #essay writing #this isn’t a deep issue but one I feel is very important to talk about #idk man #I wish this show could’ve been better because I genuinely loved the pilot when it came out

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fantomefawn · 3 months

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Currently in the process of writing my first Harringrove fic (a Pride and Prejudice au) and like I swore, absolutely swore I wouldn’t post it until the fic is complete… but like… I’m not going to sit here and lie and say I don’t want instant gratification by posting the first chapter (or two) because it’s gonna take me five million years to finish at the rate I’m going.

And I’m so tempted so genuinely tempted… but like.. also I don’t want to put pressure on myself to have chapters ready when they aren’t? I’m so torn right now… I had someone read the first chapter (their blog is no longer around 😔😔) and they liked it. They liked it a lot. I don’t know man. At this point I just want someone to tell me what to do.

Because like I know how I get I used to write in a different fandom and I got like strangely obsessive over word count and chapters and shit and then I couldn’t handle the pressure and I fully backed out even though it got surprisingly popular. I mean I was also burnt out for a lot of other reasons… but still I don’t want to like potentially abandon this fic? I like would like to contribute to this fandom and to this ship and for it to be good? Like I read sooo many amazing things on here and ao3.

Oh god I don’t know. I’m like also worried it’s shitty because I’m very good and being like anything I do is not that great? But also this is just supposed to be fun?

I don’t even know man. I just don’t even know.

Like do I post a snippet? Do I just keep going with the original plan? Do I just say fuck it and post the first chapter?

#billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #steve x billy #billy x steve #mine #personal #writing

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viviennelamb · 5 months

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Hi Vivienne, do you have any more thoughts on Autonomous living/self sufficient people? I was amazed that there are people out there that can sustain themselves on such little food and water, or even nothing at all. I am skeptical of some peoples claims but I do believe it is possible. Its very hard to find information on this subject and i remember you mentioning Anastaysiya Zilevich, I listened to what she was saying and it sounds very liberating. I totally agree that the reason we over indulge in food is because we are lacking genuine connection with each other. Though she does promote sexuality and romance as a means of gaining energy and im doubtful about that. She also advises to get away from cities and tech use which i wouldn't be willing to do. Does meditation and connecting with God result in you naturally consuming less or is it something you consciously work on? Thanks! - autonomousgirl

Hello,

Isn't it interesting? Although many people believe physical perfection adhering to ever-changing beauty standards, it is really Self-mastery. Most people would rather engage in mindless work that they hate to satisfy their senses (and then complain about it) rather than attempt to overcome them. I understand that most people genuinely believe we need to eat, but at one point I was around drug addicts and they ate a few times a week because their senses were being satisfied by drug abuse so they forgot about food.

If one can overcome their desire to satisfy their senses, they are truly liberated from having to make money, needing shelter because the body doesn't get cold in when it's not spending its resources to digest food therefore reaching immaculate equanimity. The state of mind of an individual who isn't subject to senses is an amazing one as one is in a constant state of knowing they are in God's Dream. Ego Consciousness is the belief that we are the body and that what we do to the body (eating, sleeping, s*x) sustains or is the point of life. How we came to this point was through lust, the original sin.

Most of my blog is about autonomy! The autonomous lifestyle is synonymous with Self-mastery which can only be obtained through God Consciousness. So autonomy falls under the umbrella of attaining God Consciousness though autonomous people are more focused on the food and sleep aspect. People who can stop eating in this lifetime were on a spiritual journey previously or food caused them so much suffering they decided to stop eating or they have purified their minds to detach from the limiting ideas imposed on them since birth.

Recognizing how the Ego places us in a state of total ignorance is an important part of the autonomous lifestyle because one has to remove the belief that we have to eat to live. I don't talk about food anymore because a lot of people are getting triggered, due to their past eating disorders and projecting that onto me, so this aspect of the journey is what I've decided to keep to myself. Even thinking about true non-consumption is too advanced for everybody. Starting at the 1st and 2nd chakra and then moving on to the 3rd would be the individual's natural progression to reaching perfection. Overcoming lust is more feasible even though that is also advanced.

Not eating food is possible, everything is possible within Infinite Consciousness, but the path of liberating the soul from the body requires discipline. People who enjoy eating, which is everybody, have no reason to stop if they are okay with the suffering food brings them in exchange for the temporary sense of gratification from taste. However, there are people who genuinely suffer from consuming food and do not find a single food item enjoyable to eat, including the "healthiest" food one can think of. They do not have eating disorders nor are they mentally ill, unrealistic or making things up. Yes, most people are within the bell curve of living relatively well on some type of diet, but there are people outside of that bell curve who can eat literal garbage and live well as well as people who eat nothing and live well. It all depends on the individual's consciousness and one should eat for their constitution. An individual who thinks about lust all day, does drugs, spends 15+ hours a day on the internet, lives in filth has no business eating fresh fruits and vegetables - that would kill them. They need to eat cheetos, cake and only drink red bull to keep their bodies alive because that is their vibration.

The more you fast, the more you get used to not eating for longer stretches of time, but if one genuinely no longer wishes to eat, there will be a point where she just stops and it won't be difficult - same with lust.

Anastasiya still eats about 1-3 times a week and said it was not due to hunger, but an insatiable desire to satisfy the body. She said that her desire to eat is because the planet's vibration is low, but it's not the planet, it's her. Since she's engaging in the lust act, her nature demanding food is likely her issue as lust weakens one’s will (she sounded like she engages in sex a lot) and she doesn’t like meditation so she's not working on her control. She's keeping her food, drink and sleep down to a minimum because it brings her health issues.

Those who engage in lust can appear to have deluded forms of autonomy (lust positivity, working from home, communism, walking in nature, equality) but will never attain true liberation.

There were videos where she was attempting to describe God Consciousness from a worldly scientific perspective because she is highly educated and used to work in the sciences if I'm not mistaken. Swami Sri Yuteskwar explained the Holy Science of Evolution (and devolution). Humanity is currently in a devolved state where both which they desire and avoid brings them suffering because they don't want to reach a state of equanimity of the senses yet. The world will get to a point where the gratification of the senses will be seen as primitive, but that's during the Golden Age. The thing is the Dark Age and Golden Age can be achieved on an individual level. Anybody who is trying to achieve it through activism on a mass scale during this point in time is completely delusional. Those who have no interest in controlling their bodies have no hope of ending their suffering and are born slaves.

You do have to be with other people but in the way of being of service because we get energy from that from assisting humanity's evolution towards the Golden Age. If you restore another person's hope in humanity, that person is more likely to become good and that butterfly effect ripples into every lifetime ahead. Being selfish holds back the evolution of humanity - small acts of kindness go a long way. I hear the phrase "genuine connections" a lot and I'm not sure what people mean when we're already in a state of oneness, but Egos cannot connect which is why there's a loneliness epidemic. We're also never alone, but the individual in the Dark Ages believes they are.

Autonomous people emphasize that helping others is a requirement and one will gravitate towards that anyways if they're not eating and sleeping which takes up 70% of their time. Every "day" becomes immortalized.

When one has s*x, their energy is taken away and their mind isn't aligned with God, but with the senses which brings the individual down to Body Consciousness. You don't have to move from the city, refrain from using technology or move around constantly. Anastasiya is unable to remain still and needs to move from country to country because when she stays in one area for too long it becomes "stagnant." Her actions are a reflection of her state of mind - somebody who is pure will purify the area around them. Life will never become stagnant and the pure individual will never get bored. Even though the control of her food intake is impressive, it's better to eat and become calm than foodless and restless. If somebody wants to be nomadic, that's fine, but it appeared that she was still being controlled by something not of her own will which is not autonomous. Being around people who are on the same journey as you and at the very least having a Guru obviously helps, but the point of being autonomous is that you can maintain the lifestyle on your own.

Personally, I’m at the point where I only believe the claims of people who are God-Realized or have reached Samadhi and, surprise, it's easy to know who that is if they only talk about God. When I speak to a worldly person, I know they’re lying about whatever they’re talking about.

Meditating on not eating and being conscious about it are both required for liberation. SRF lessons teach everything you need to know about autonomy and you can use it for anything else you want to obtain. Everything you want is about learning how to control your consciousness so that you can lead your life in a particular direction. In your situation, you want to learn how to energize the body naturally requiring you to eat less food.

I recommend reading The Yoga Sutras of Pantajali. Pantanjali explains that concentrating one's energy on the pit of the throat will keep one's hunger satisfied, but to maintain this state of satiety, you will have to meditate to raise your consciousness. Non-eating is such a small part of Cosmic Consciousness but the autonomous' focus on food is a good thing to let people know that this lifestyle is possible. And it's helpful to people who find food detrimental to their health. If you still wish to eat, a Sattvic diet is ideal which is mainly plain raw foods that don't excite one's senses and to not eat too much. Your body will slowly become neutral to foods in this way along with eating the right amount because the body begins to like how a stretched stomach feels which is what most people are addicted to (as well as highly palatable food).

In the Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda talks about the time he visited Therese Neumann and Giri Bala, two women who did not eat.

Those who work towards God Consciousness obtain Omniscience, Omnipresence and, Omnipotence, so they can do anything and create anything out of nothing and are actually living in non-duality. For an individual to become God-Realized, they must devote their lives to God. If they can’t do that, then they can’t reach the highest state of consciousness which means they’re still subject to duality and therefore suffering.

#ask #yoga #spirituality #meditation #god consciousness #cosmic consciousness #autonomy

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emeraldspiral · 10 months

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So in the Zimverse Irkens are supposed to be so self-absorbed they can't think of anything beyond their own immediate gratification. Irkens don't have sex organs so they don't fuck in order to gratify themselves, there's no romance because there's no love, and the closest thing to friendship is just mutually beneficial temporary arrangements and maybe the attachment one feels for an object in their possession. Irkens seem to be aware that other species have love and sex and families, but it's not a part of their society, it's something "base" that only lesser species indulge in. So an Irken having any kind of relationship, even one with just a platonic or familial type of affection, would seem like an aberration in their culture. So it's not really hard to see how an LGBT storyline would fit within the world of Invader Zim. Like, you would barely even have to change anything to fit the context. You could just have two Irkens holding hands and it wouldn't feel like a hamfisted metaphor if another Irken acted just as scandalized as real-world homophobes because it totally fits within the established lore.

So what if say, after Invader Tenn's mission in Megadoomer was ruined she was captured and imprisoned, and after Tak's plan to steal Zim's mission failed and she got lost in space she ended up in the same prison. They individually manage to contact the Tallest for help but the Tallests' attitude is that if they can't break out on their own they were never worthy of being Invaders and therefore not worth their time to rescue. Tak and Tenn find each other and learn that they were both left to rot and decide to team up and escape. They bond over feeling betrayed by their leaders, mutual respect for each other's talents, resentment for losing out on their dream jobs due to circumstances that weren't their fault, and a mutual dislike of Zim for having his incompetence rewarded while they had to work for everything they got, only to have it taken away in an instant.

Some time after escaping prison Tak and Tenn come to Earth to get revenge on Zim. Zim doesn't understand why Tenn is helping Tak at first. He assumes that Tenn must be jealous that the Tallest gave him the Megadoomer she wanted or that she must be benefiting in some way from her alliance with Tak. He cannot comprehend what Tenn means when she says she's doing it because making Tak happy will make her happy. It isn't until Tenn is put into a vulnerable position and Tak surrenders to save her that it starts to click for Zim that they're in love, even if the idea is shocking beyond belief. How could another Irken matter more to Tak than her own ambitions? How could Tak's ambitions matter more to Tenn than her own safety? It just does not compute. But Dib gets it, and not only does he get it, he gets how special it is if Tak and Tenn can feel something like that for each other if it's really as rare and abnormal as Zim's making it out to be. So Dib's ready to just let them go if they promise never to come back and threaten the earth again.

The experience leaves an impact on Zim. He wants to think that he's normal by his species standards. He says Irkens aren't supposed to have friends and points out that Dib doesn't have any either. But Dib does have his family and can't imagine how shallow and meaningless life would be if he really didn't have anyone at all who mattered to him. Zim insists that attachments just create liabilities while Dib says they make life worth living.

Zim goes through a sort of gay panic where he starts pushing GIR and Minimoose and Skoodge away to prove that he, like all good Irken citizens, is devoid of attachments. He tries to convince himself that he only thinks of GIR and Minimoose as possessions he takes pride in or of Skoodge or Dib as people he sometimes likes having around to appreciate how amazing he is. But overtime he learns to accept himself as a queer Irken who cares about others and craves genuine companionship and that a lot of his dysfunctional behavior came from trying to deny that part of himself.

#invader zim #dib membrane #dib #tak #invader tenn #space gays #space lesbians #tatr #invader tak

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vs120shound · 1 year

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TOP-25 ALL-TIME SMOKING FETISH MODELS | THE LIST | NO. 1

Laura of Random Snaps (Australia)

FIRST REVISIT

Laura, ready for exercise and a smoke. Which did she enjoy more?

My description was pretty thorough and representative of my feelings on the official Top-25 List (out days ago in mid-January 2023), but some things were left out. Here's an opportunity to correct (amplify) the record. Hope you don't mind my wordiness; this project for me is not fulfilling any grandiose need for self-gratification. It's who I am (a former professional writer/reporter).

Failed to say: Elegant. Glamourous. Sophisticated. Not particularly strong in the girl-next-door department. A criticism? Or a frank observation? (You choose, if you'd like.) But what is that exactly -- "The Girl Next Door?" Would state, and this is purely subjective, that this look is the personification of the unmarried woman in her 20s, or in her late teens, who exudes the "innocent" personae. Of being friendly, helpful, courteous, generous, pleasant and respectful. Not accentuating her sexiness, not ignoring it completely, however. Careful not to be flirtatious, extremely cognizant of not being a tease. Compassionate towards pets and all animals. The quintessential baby-sitter who loves playing with the neighborhood kids even when she is "not on the job." That about sums it up. How does Laura do in that regard? Well, the girl-next-door look was not one of her strengths. The girl next door rarely is a smoker, rarely dresses as she does, rarely shows an interest in the profession of modeling, never tries to capitalize on her looks. In a few instances, in a few scenes, she approaches that all. But never truly delivers in that regard. Not consistent whatsoever. Maybe if that was evident for these few videos and scenes, it was accidental and not planned. Plain admission: Plenty of others in the Top-25 were champions of the girl next door. But of those smoking beauties, few if any rival Laura when it comes to her strengths (beauty, sexiness, smoking style, smoking enjoyment, heaviness of smoking habit, personality, style, fashion sense).

Imagined she was a big-time Party Girl. Heavy into alcohol but probably not drugs. Sense she was not promiscuous. Into fitness but not a health nut. How could she be, with all that smoking? Kind of incongruous, don't you think?

Laura showed some versatility yet some of the SF models/entrepreneurs on the Top-25 list did a better job of being different things to all SF fans. Laura was a lot -- a sensation -- in many different ways but not in all ways.

The descriptive narrative did not pay enough homage to her exhaling prowess. Pretty strong, and voluminous but more stylish. Do NOT like the playing with it, per se, the wafting and drifting, which she did incorporate to a degree. But she would move it around, pause and resume, and it all looked great. Many others within The List were consistently stronger with full, voluminous exhales. Not her style. She smoked naturally -- what was comfortable for her -- and not playing up to the SF audience on the exhale. Authentic. Genuine. Honest. Some of what she brought to the videos was planned -- all the shoots were carefully staged even when told to freelance -- but most of it just rolled instinctively from her.

She is simply amazing. Is she still smoking cigarettes today? If so, we can only wonder how her habit has evolved. Vaping? Maybe. Likely still loving her smoking habit, though. Can we find out? Please! If not, we have what we have of her, and that's more than enough and it can keep us all gratified whenever we think about the sexiness of women who smoke. A Second Revisit? One day, perhaps but perhaps not. We'll see ...

#Top-25 all-time favorite SF models list

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quins-makeshift-menagerie · 9 months

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*Ahem*

I'd like to formally apologize for any grief I've given you over this. I let my emotions take over. I do genuinely admire your storytelling abilities, and even if it drives me nuts sometimes, it's fun when a story grips as hard as this one has. I always look forward to where the story will take us, and sometimes I get hangry for instant gratification, which isn't fair to you or any other storyteller.

You are amazing! Thank you for sharing this wonderful adventure with us all!! <3

Awww you don’t need apologies for anything! I’m just glad you enjoy the story^^

#is loupy my number one fan? mayhaps lmao #loupy-mongoose #ask

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witchthewriter · 10 months

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tag game: stranger things edition

Thank you @maniac-maniac-maniac for tagging me!

Btw anyone can play if they want to! Don't feel like you have to wait to be tagged 🦋

Ride or die ship (your otp)

I- I don't really have one... I don't like Mike and El; she's on another level. I think I have to ship a couple, it would be Argle and Jonathan?? Or Robin and Vickie. Oh! Robin and Nancy!

Most annoying ship

Mike and El... I hate how she feels as if she isn't good enough for him while she is literally the main character? And I can't have El being insecure because my girl is BITCHIN' 👏👏👏

Second favourite ship

Me and Eddie <3 <;3 <3

Favourite platonic relationship

STEVE AND ROBIN! They are platonic SOULMATES! Absolutely amazing chemistry by the actors.

Underrated ship

Joyce and Jim; they were already Mother ™ and Father ™ even before going on their date at Enzos.

Overrated ship

Mike and El, AND Steve and Nancy. I mean I do like the trope of Female Character Has Big Ambitions with Boyfriend Who Has None. But Steve and Nancy are too dissimilar. As well as Nancy and Jonathan - there is no chemistry there.

One thing I would change in canon

Eddie's death duh.

Something canon did right

... Introduce Eddie, I'm SORRY I'm being annoying but c'mon he is the best thing about the goddamn show. It was boring for me before.

A thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART

It's so old, but my Vampire!Eddie Boyfriend headcanons. Looking back it could do with a lot of editing, but the idea that Eddie was actually turned into a vampire because of the bat bites was brilliant (credit to whoever came up with that first).

A character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing)

I got TWO, season 1-3 Hopper, because I really loved his whole punch first ask questions later. And his weight, I loved his weight. I think his weightloss in season 4 wasn't just for Stranger Things, I think he genuinely wanted to be skinnier. Which ... I mean his body his rules, but I loved him more when he was heavier tbh.

And OBVIOUSLY EDDIE. HOW DID THEY COME UP WITH THE PERFECT CHARACTER?! They could have made him a one, maybe even two sided drug dealer who couldn't graduate high school. But no, he has so much heart and SOFTNESS. I actually fell in love with him after the cafeteria scene, when he was with Chrissy. He just became this caring, open, kind guy who also had a LUNCHBOX full of fcking DRUGS.

The character I relate to the most and why

You already hate me by now because I've spoken about Eddie so much, but yeah ... Eddie. It's one of the reasons why he's so well-loved. The outsider, the one everyone thinks is weird - I think all can relate on one level or another. Especially growing up ... not so well off. Seeing Eddie live in a trailer but he's still so popular; it gives a lot of gratification (if that's the right word?)

Character(-s) I hate the most and why

Mr Wheeler - he is literally such a shITTY DAD. WTF. In his daily life he doesn't care about his family, or show any interest in them.

STEVE'S PARENTS - WHERE ARE THEY? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? I mean they could be travelling for work but that's still neglect.

Billy - if he wasn't a good looking character no one would like him. In the original script he was actually supposed to called Lucas the n-word because he's racist. And in the scenes with Lucas, there are underlying motifs that show his racism. So, yeah, I hate racists.

Martin Brenner aka Papa. Motherf*cking asshole.

Something I've learned from the fandom

Um... that the majority of us really love big-haired, soft-hearted, drug dealers? I mean okay, I don't really get into fandoms anymore because of bad past experiences. I guess what I've learnt then, is that everyone has their own opinion - doesn't mean yours is wrong or any less valid.

Three tags i seek out on ao3

I don't go on Ao3 a lot, but Hopper, basically just Hopper omg ahahha. Or soulmate AU.

A song I strongly associate with my otp/favourite character

I gots no songs I associate with my otp but I do for Eddie - The Sails of Chiron by Scorpions. It's a bit of rock but also ... really sensual?? I found it because Eddie made me fall in love with 80s heavy rock.

No pressure tagging: @sardonic-the-writer.

#tagging game #tag game #tag game stranger things #stranger things #eddie munson #joyce byers #lucas sinclair #will byers #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #steve harrington #robin buckley

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summersmithlatinxgyatt · 2 months

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hello this is your host captain obvious here to talk about how Something Ricked This Way Comes was an amazing turning point for Rick and Summer's relationship. Again I know it's obvious but I recently rewatched it and as per usual I love Summer in this. It just shows the lengths Summer goes to when she wants to be respected by someone

She already mentions Mr. Needful as being an old man who respects her just to try to tug at Rick's heartstrings or at least get his attention. She points out many times that Rick contributes nothing to the house. This episode also doesn't do him any favors because he later acts out of spite. The Butter bot also is so thematically relevant, I enjoy it being used here and I'll give it a quick spotlight

Rick makes an incredibly redundant robot that doesn't need to exist or even want to exist. He doesn't even want to interact with Summer because he's more used to being surrounded by others than actually connecting with them. That's also why this small scene is so good

We see a constant theme of him taking people for granted this episode, which is why his reunion with Summer later on is so charming to see

The similarities between Mr. Needful and Rick are shown with how Summer only latches onto Mr. Needful because she feels more appreciated instantly. Also, giving away cursed objects doesn't matter to her. We see her already mention how other companies casually do this, kinda in line with how she enjoys getting high for fun and follows a somewhat cliche teen life that's based on gratification and getting as much dopamine as humanly possible in Season 1

More than this though, you can draw parallels with Rick's toxic and careless behavior that can rub off onto others. Rick's inventions are sort of like these cursed relics in a way

Whether it be because he needed someone to be around, out of spite, or out of genuine love for Summer he didn't display at first...

Rick still helps out Summer because of how she was treated. Even though they dismiss the moral they learned, they channel it through sheer vengeance alone that bonds them together now

I think that also solidifies the idea that in Rick's mind, Diane was so perfect that she's an archetype, a blueprint for a loving person who anchors him. And since his granddaughter follows that archetype (which is probably why she enables him because he's not that used to it after so many years without Diane), he's close to her ^_^

Okay that's my review and analysis of Something Ricked This Way Comes. Expect more Season 1 reviews

#rick and morty #summer smith #summer #summer smith is the best character #rick sanchez #character analysis

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pumpernickel-simswood · 2 years

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Alright, that's it. This is going to sound condescending and angry but I have lost my patience. This is a rant.

You kids in the YOI fandom need to. Chill. The Fuck. Out.

First and foremost: MAPPA doesn't owe you or me or anyone anything. Not a single thing. Just because you can go have a tantrum directly in front of them due to the internet does not mean they or anyone else owes you. You are not entitled to the "answers" you so desperately whine about. Not only is that obnoxious but you also make the rest of us look like whiny spoiled children. Stop it.

Second: If you need instant gratification so badly, go invest a month in Marvel or Star Wars. You'll have something new out of one or both of those series within a few months. Otherwise? Learn some patience.

Thirdly and most frustratingly: Do you have any idea how genuinely good and wonderful this fandom was until seemingly very recently? Were you here when the YOI fandom was making jokes about rings, assuming the teaser meant a gold medal and then we were proven wrong? Were you here when we legitimately crashed tumblr for hours due to the tenth episode? Were you here during that amazing, wonderful time of camaraderie, respect and excitement?

Because if you weren't? How dare you drag the current perception of this genuinely good fandom down. How dare you bring those toxic attitudes and traits not only into the fandom but to put them up as what the creative team are going to see because you're so desperate for attention. And if you were here? A genuine fuck you. Anyone who looked at how good a place the you fandom was and decides "y'know what this needs? Toxicity!" can go in the trash. Just leave. Go join the damned Wincesters in the spn fandom. Because you clearly don't actually care about the show. All you care about is your crappy instant gratification.

This show deserves a fandom that is like itself. Patient, respectful and kind.

#yoi #yuri on ice #yoi fandom discourse #fandom discourse #rant #rant post #excercise kindness respect and patience #or go the fuck away #i tried reasoning with some of y'all when you insisted on harassing the creators but you wouldn't listen #you won't listen to this either #but i had to get it off my chest

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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I'm in a fandom where there's a lot of (some would say too many) minors. Which is fine in and of itself. Even though the media technically isn't for them (the movie was rated R), the stage adaptation certainly brought in a wave of new fans, and that's always a good thing. In fact, I'd say most are fans of the play and haven't even seen the movie in a while or at all. And these kids are creating things, mostly fanfic and art, and it's genuinely amazing.

The problem is most of the content (the fanfics) is crap. And I don't mean like it's not my thing or their ideas suck, no, some of the things they're writing about are about my blurbos, and their ideas are great! Every idea is or has the potential to be *chef's kiss*. Just the execution is bad. Basic SPAG is out the window, "no betas we die like men" (I know it's a meme but what they really mean is no proofreaders smdh), bare-bones dry as hell telling not showing, and there's just so much of it. And I get it, they're kids, they're trying, they're learning, they're going to suck. I was also a kid and my writing sucked complete monkey butt. But there doesn't seem to be a crumb of improvement happening anywhere. And I know change is gradual, but when you pump out 100 actual fanfics in a year or less, there should be some growth, you know what I mean? I should be able to read your first-ever fic and your most recent fic and notice, "wait, something is different here!" but that's never the case.

Most if not all is objectively garbage, and they keep eating it up like it's gold. And the objectively nicer fics, the ones with proper SPAG and clear research, that captures a character voice so clearly especially when it's not the Canon Voice, that takes so much time to craft and polish and are so rich with detail, depth, complexity, and nuance (and are, admittedly, long as hell) get barely a glance, much less a comment. It hurts. All that effort and no one cares. So many good writers aren't writing anymore and I'm tired of junky fast food. I want a quality homecooked meal by that weird aunt I never see but I know makes some good fuckin lasagna.

It's really fucking weird how that's such a thing, the crackfic you shat out in an hour gets all the kudos and comments while the AU/UA you slaved over for days, weeks, months, years even, gets maybe two comments if you're lucky, and one isn't a reply. All that effort and for what if no one cares? I'll consume it because I made it, but I want others to try too, that's why I brought it to the table. To share. And it's not even a rarepair or a "I don't like that char/pair" thing because a lot of people are multishippers. My main pairs aren't the most popular, but it's pretty up there. The cake comic only works if people actually come up to the table. If no one comes up, what happens?

I suppose it has something to do with instant gratification, doesn't it? The more content you pump out, the more there is to consume, the more they'll eat it up because cheap garbage is an endless supply while gourmet food is a luxury most can't afford. And I know there's also the whole "people don't like waiting so they won't read WIPs" (at the same time, slowburns are immensely popular?) but on the other side of the coin there's "no one is interacting with WIPs which is why they never get finished if the author hasn't moved on from the fandom because [reason]". I know that's why *I* won't post anything til it's done, or it's a oneshot. Attention spans are so short nowadays, and if details are not spoonfed to readers with airplane noises, they won't use their brains to pick up on the nuance, and it's shit. It's shit storytelling and I hate it so damn much.

I tried reading a BNF's most popular fic in spite of the fact I don't ship the ship like everyone else and their mom, and I couldn't get past the first part of the first chapter. Not because of the ship (the whole point of the fic is them getting together so they're not together at the start, obviously) but because the writing was so incredibly mid. Like, this is what everyone's creaming their panties about? This thing? Really???? And I thought, well, they put out a new oneshot recently, I'll read that and see where they're at. Their most popular fic took a long time to craft and they had to have gotten better over the years, right?

Spoiler alert: they didn't.

I don't understand.

And they've got such a wide reach, I keep seeing their very distinctive art style and people praising the fuck out of their mediocre content I just ended up blocking everything and anything having to do with them.

I know so much of this is "be the change you want to see in the world you bitter old bitch" and "if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself ya dumbfuck" but I'm really tired, burnt out, and I want to relax a bit. I read and rip into shitfics and they make my blood boil with how incredibly bad they are and I want to write just to spite them because I know I can do better, I have done better, but I can't do that right now (and that's incredibly irritating because I want to). And sure, fandom isn't serious. But it also doesn't have to suck this much ass. Really makes you appreciate the gems buried hidden under all the rock and dirt and manure.

Gaah, sorry for all this. I just have a lot of frustration and I genuinely hate the state of the fandom. Clearly creativity around these parts is named Persephone; she's gone to Hell and she ain't coming back for a long, long, painfully long time.

Thanks for listening. Again, sorry for my rambling rant. I love reading your replies so if you have anything to add, I'd love to know!

Heh. This is often the case in a fandom with more enthusiasm than experience.

Some people do improve over time from exposure and practice... But writing 100 fics won't do much if the writers are only reading other similar fics and nothing else. Moreover, if most of the audience is similarly inexperienced, they're not going to be able to see the lack of quality you do. They genuinely like the crappy stuff and create an echo chamber where that style is lauded.

Short attention spans matter some, but I don't think that's the primary culprit here.

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argyrocratie · 6 months

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"Take his occasional citation of A. Mendel’s Michael Bakunin: Roots of Apocalypse. I don’t particularly believe that anyone with a brain can take this work seriously: it is genuinely one of the weirdest political biographies I’ve flicked through. It would be an otherwise fairly standard biography of the man, were it not interwoven with bizarre speculative attempts at psychoanalysis. One of Mendel’s theses is that Bakunin was, at root, feminine. Bakunin, woman that he was, sought sexual gratification not through “the pleasure of imagined aggression” like a man, but through “masochistic pleasure of passive suffering that Bakunin could experience, or imagine himself experiencing, by identifying himself with the people as victim, by making and being prepared to make enormous sacrifices on its/her behalf, and by imagining the vastly greater pains still to come in the anticipated apocalyptic catastrophe” (pg. 275-276).

Mendel believes that Bakunin’s lust for violence was essentially a way of sexually gratifying himself and covering up his womanly essence, which he essentially adopted to avoid “the oedipial crime”. Bakunin’s “persistent flight from roles identified at the time with male authority and responsibility”, childhood correspondence with his sisters, one-time reference to him weeping “like a woman” – all this and more, for Mendel, “are too glaringly present in Bakunin’s personality, ideas and actions to be ignored”. “He… was compelled to spend a lifetime trying to repress and disguise them under mountains of aggressively heroic declarations, programs, organisational plans, and absurdly quixotic forays”. Since, for Bakunin, all sexual experience was “incestual, evil, filthy, demonic”, Bakunin would punish himself with imagined violence – but since he found sexual gratification in masochism, this self-punishment just triggered a spiralling loop of masochism that drove his whole life (pg. 276).

A choice paragraph:

“Did the adoption of a feminine role extend beyond this sexual-revolutionary fantasy and into his relationships in real life? Was he homosexual? The helpmate role he played in relationships with strong men, his preference for being a dependant at home rather than a protective provider, his penchant for the innocent company of young ladies during his adolescence and the stimulating atmosphere of young male virile warriors in his later years, the strangely passive expressions he used in his sexual-revolutionary imagery – these and other similar hints we have seen along the way suggest, at least, the possibility. However, there is absolutely no concrete evidence whatsoever to indicate active homosexual involvements or events in his life.” (p. 483).

Amazing stuff!"

-Daniel Rashid, "The Poverty of Mick Armstrong’s Polemic" (2022)

trans-mysoginist tropping aside i think some of my readership might apreciate that speculative psychological portrait of bakunin

#mikhail bakunin #too many joke to make #“would tranistion have saved her”#“bakunin or tumblr mutual”#shitpost

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