#that sounds cheesy but that’s kinda the metaphor for it
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「Screw It」 · Chapter 1
HIS NAIL POLISH
➥ He's the only guy at a frat party that's hauled ass before scoring, and it makes you all kinds of sus.
➥ The author chooses not to issue tags for everything that takes place in this work to preserve some element of surprise where applicable. By continuing, you accept to proceed at your own risk. Read full disclaimer here.
➥ Installment of The Red Lights Chronicles
⚠ — (Cyber)bullying upon dissolved friendship (see masterlist for more)
And that’s a wrap! Thank you for joining me throughout this series. I’m very grateful for the epic support you’ve shown these past few months. Stay tuned for the next one!
Love you! xxx
— 🌶️ Oni
Then you scheduled the post to be shared at 6 p.m.
Here’s the thing: Nobody really wants to lead a double life, but you had no choice because your freshman year of college had taught you an invaluable lesson.
Trust no bitch.
On the move-in day, you stood in front of your dorm room door, hands clammy as shit, anticipating what kind of a person was waiting for you inside. According to every coming-of-age movie you ever watched, this was supposed to be your best friend forever. You pushed the door open with your heart beating in your throat, and there she was.
Gorgeous girl, stereotypically blonde (because you’d seen Mean Girls), fashion sense and makeup game on point, former cheer captain hell-bent on joining the campus sorority for some reason.
“Hi, I’m Tanya!”
You were mad at yourself for internally assuming things about her that first moment because she turned out to be one of the nicest people you ever met.
Your first couple of months as roommates were indeed disgustingly reminiscent of those cheesy movies but in a good way. You would tutor her for the Econ class. She would insist on trying some makeup looks on you and wouldn’t take no for an answer. You would stay up all night to confide in each other.
Cute, right?
During one of those nights, Tanya bashfully admitted to you that she wanted to marry her high school boyfriend because ‘Oh my god, he’s so dreamy and protective and respects me so much, you know?’
“Did you guys… do it?” you finally asked her, and immediate mutual shrieking followed the question.
“Well, not technically,” she responded, trying to suppress her grin, “I mean, we did pretty much everything else but that. We’re going to wait till we get married.”
As much as you wanted to believe in the purity of the pact, a small part of you wished good luck with the delusions. It kinda beat the purpose when you were already doing other things, no? So ‘having sex’ was about a penetrative act only?
Nevertheless, it was none of your business. Wishing the best for Tanya and her prince charming, you kept your mouth shut.
“Well? Did you?” she nudged you right after with a knowing smile.
“Did I what?”
“Swipe your V-card?”
“Uh… Yeah.”
“Oh my GOD!” she clutched her metaphorical pearls while banging on the mattress, “How come I don’t know you have a boyfriend? Who is it?!”
“That’s because I don’t,” you explained with a smile you managed to pass as natural, “It was some dude at the Sigma Kappa mixer some weeks ago.”
“Oh,” her face suddenly fell, and she caressed your hand with her thumb, “I’m so sorry, honey.”
Ever found yourself in one of those interactions that was loaded with assumptions?
Exactly.
You could see pity in her eyes as if you were talking about the love of your life ditching you right after popping your cherry. You burst out laughing to disperse the mood that became abruptly solemn.
“Why? I thoroughly enjoyed it.”
“Oh, sorry, I meant… I’m not judging of course, but… It was… Some nobody.”
Fucking god, what would that even sound like if she was indeed judging? Good for you for keeping your mouth shut, huh?
“I don’t load that much meaning into things like this,” you smiled and reached for your laptop, “Don’t worry about it.”
The only thing heard in that smothering awkward silence was the sound of your fingers hitting the keyboard a tinge aggressively. She was apologetic for sure, desperately trying to find something to change the topic.
“You spend an awful lot of time in front of your computer with your Docs open,” she squinted her eyes mischievously, “What’s up with that?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, tell me!” she basically tackled you in your bed.
“No.”
“Come on.”
“I said no.”
“Tell me.”
“Tanya—”
“TELL ME!”
“OKAY, JUST— I CAN’T BREATHE!”
Well, doing it was one thing. Up until that moment, you never thought this could have been a matter of embarrassment. If anything, you thought you were proud of it.
But how to actually verbalize this to your best friend, though?
She was looking at you expectantly, waiting for the answer on the tip of your tongue. You took a deep breath and finally got it off your chest while playing with your blanket.
“I uh… I may be… on occasion… writing… steamy stories… here and there.”
“Are you fucking serious?!” her eyes became gigantic in excitement, “Can I please please please read one?”
“Tanya…”
“PLEAAASE?”
The begging immediately turned into a tickle fight you were losing. The only people you were sharing these with were strangers on the internet, and it was only possible because you didn’t know these people. There was no chance of you running into them in the dormitory hallway or anything and getting mortified out of your mind.
But it was your best friend in question.
“Oh my god, FINE!” you eventually caved and handed her your laptop, “But this is strictly between us, okay?”
She enthusiastically nodded and dove in headfirst into the webpage you had open in front of her. This was the first time you were revealing that state secret of yours, and not only that, you were actively watching someone react to it in real time.
Oh, the nerves. The nerves were so real as if some Harlequin editor was reading this, and you were almost scared to look in her direction.
But contrary to your drastic expectations, she was squealing and kicking her feet.
“Does that mean… you like it?”
“I know this is just words but, excuse my French, I’m so wet right now.”
You chortled at her choice of words, and a cozy feeling of relief spread throughout your chest.
“Thank you, T,” you hugged your pillow tighter, “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
She looked at you with an endeared smile on her face. What better source of motivation than having the stamp of approval of your best friend after all, right?
Until one day…
“I’ll be right out, babe. You guys hang out for a little bit, okay?”
Tanya invited the infamous waiting-until-marriage boyfriend to your room as she finished getting ready, and just one look at him was enough for you to go ‘I don’t approve’. Asher. Douche general, my-father-is-a-lawyer-sounding-ass name, but you were nothing but cordial to him. The second Tanya disappeared into the bathroom, however, his fangs came out.
“Damn, T didn’t tell me she was rooming with a total babe.”
“I don’t think you’re being very respectful here, my guy,” you shot him an extremely annoyed ‘Excuse you?’ look, “Neither to me nor to your girlfriend.”
“Oh, come on, it’s just harmless flirting,” he flashed a shit-eating grin, “Just take the compliment.”
He had admitted he was flirting with you with his whole chest just like that. Was Tanya aware of what kind of a dick this guy was? Or was love really that blind?
“Have a good rest of your life,” you saluted him with two of your fingers on your forehead, “See you never.”
You went about your day as if this uncomfortable exchange never happened and you were surely going to forget all about it when you were shitfaced at a party later that very night. But when shit started going sideways, it had a way of mutating into a perpendicular angle, then going straight south.
“Hey, you!”
You were looking at the view in front of you to make the absolute best sense of it, but it was nothing more than a Picasso painting.
Asher was surrounded by a bunch of girls, his arm wrapped around the one on his left as she was caressing his thighs. He wasn’t fazed the tiniest bit noticing you there and didn’t even attempt to fix his posture.
“Where’s Tanya?” you asked him maliciously.
“Her room probably,” he shrugged, “This is not really her scene.”
Not her scene? Had he fucking asked her perhaps?
“Does she know you’re here?” you continued with your interrogation.
“Stop being a buzzkill, will you?” he stood up and walked away into the darkness with the thigh-caresser. Like there was absolutely nothing going on to make a fuss about.
The dilemma. Oh, the dilemma of it all. Were you going to tell your best friend in the whole wide world about this, or were you going to stay out of it? The socially awkward part of you wanted to shut the fuck up, but the ride-or-die friend part of you…
That part of you was what caused the roof to collapse right on top of your head.
“Listen, T, I gotta tell you something.”
“What’s up, love?”
Then you reported everything you saw that night and waited for her response, but she was eerily silent with vacant eyes. Of course she would be. You could only imagine what kind of a shock this must have been. Not only getting cheated on by your high school sweetheart, but in such a nonchalant manner at that…
“Are you okay, sweetie?” you held her hands in yours.
You were waiting for her to break down crying any second now, but instead, Tanya gave you a blizzard look and finally opened her mouth.
“I understand you’ve been single for a long time, but this doesn’t suit you,” she pulled her hands away, “I thought we were friends.”
“What–What’s that supposed to mean?” you furrowed your brows in confusion, “You think I’m lying?”
“Please. Be graceful.”
What?
Nothing you said after that moment mattered. Your relationship with Tanya immediately went sour. She didn’t talk to you, nor did she want to listen to your attempts to fix things.
Not once.
“T, this is getting fucking ridiculous. Why are you staying away from me?”
“Because you still haven’t done the one thing I’ve been expecting.”
“Please,” you got on your knees in front of her and squeezed her hands, “Tell me.”
“Are you ready to apologize?”
She could have asked for anything. Anything, really. ‘Bring me the Holy Grail.’ ‘Part the campus lake in half.’
But apologize?
“For what?” you asked her, genuinely hoping for a legitimate reason behind it that just didn’t occur to you, “I didn’t do anything to apologize for.”
“For spreading lies about my boyfriend, why else?” she derisively snorted.
You were simply exasperated at this point.
“What LIES?! I was there and I told you what I’ve seen!”
“Okay. I’ll take it as a no,” she stood up and left the room to god knows where.
But it didn’t stop there.
You weren’t necessarily a social butterfly. You had even jokingly said that your dorm was under a rock here and there, but if something reached you, it meant the good majority of the campus already knew about it.
“I heard she fucked half the Sigma Kappa guys.”
What else could you be besides being bewildered?
Even if that was true, so what? Everybody was entitled to do as they pleased, and so were you. Yet the reasoning wasn’t enough to stop the mutating whispers about you.
“She’s a frigid snob.”
“What a pretentious bitch.”
“Nerd. She can’t get any so she writes about it.”
“She writes about it because she’s a slut. Loose pants…”
Ignoring people in real life was actually easier. You could put on headphones and go about your day with zero obligation to hear what was being talked about around you.
You wished from the bottom of your heart that the same was true online.
You started getting anonymous hate messages in your blog inbox all of a sudden, the content of which was way too intimate to be some stranger on the internet. You knew exactly who this was telling you how much you sucked, how horrible your writing was, what a miserable person you were, and telling you to do unspeakable things to make yourself disappear. In the one space you considered safe and sacred.
What was supposed to be your happy place.
One afternoon, you reached your absolute limit and barged into her side of the room.
“Why are you doing this?” you barely managed to utter through your sobs, “What did I ever do to you?”
Tanya looked at you with eyes completely devoid of sympathy and dipped her brush in the maroon nail polish as dark as her soul.
“Sucks when the one thing that makes you happy gets ruined, doesn’t it?” she kept painting her nails as if all was fine and well with the universe, “Now you know how it feels.”
You felt something irreversibly crack within your soul.
In a momentary lapse of sanity, you opened your laptop, deactivated everything, and stormed out to ask for a room change just to headbutt some dude that just happened to walk past your door.
“Watch it, fucker!” you yelled at the faceless guy with black nail polish for no reason at all.
You could give a rat’s ass about clichés, really.
In the fall of your sophomore year, you clad yourself in a leather jacket, black jeans, imma-stomp-on-your-life combat boots, said ‘How about no?’ to human interaction and swore to keep to yourself.
But the feeling of unfairness was eating you alive.
You had two options: You could either get as low as one bitch, OR…
You could lean into it and confuse the fuck out of people.
From this point on, it wasn’t on you if some mindless fool didn’t double-check the facts. They could continue living their lives feeling like absolute idiots for believing in caricature-level outrageous rumors because…
Well…
“Is it true you’re moonlighting as a stripper?”
“Yes.”
“You could get expelled for that!”
Seriously. Whose fault was this at this point? You didn’t even know whether to laugh at it or give the extremely gullible person in front of you a big hug.
“Why don’t you invite the disciplinary committee to the club on Saturday? My treat.”
As soon as you talked back, however, the colors would change. People did not like realizing they were in the wrong.
“No need for bitching. You could have just said no.”
“And you could have just not been a cunt, but here we are,” you would rightfully retort, “Instead of complaining about my manners, think about how normal it is to walk up to people and ask if they are stripping like you’re asking the time.”
Disappointment tended to bring on the blues, and everybody needed something to deal with it. You didn’t feel like writing at all anymore because of the memories it brought back, so you figured you could entrust your tumultuous feelings to lines instead. Like a little form of therapy. Just rough sketches of silhouettes. Maybe random hand gestures. Close-up body parts…
Then one day you decided to color one. Then shade one. Then you added a couple of panels. Then wrote dialogues. It became two pages. Three pages.
Before you knew it, they were full-fledged stories. And it was in your junior year that you decided to give it another shot.
People find their tribes in a lot of places. You finally found yours, too.
People who never once saw you and didn’t even know who you were ended up being the kindest human beings to ever exist. Instead of calling you a slut, they chose to call you an artist. They called themselves your fans. And they enjoyed your creations and showed their support in various shapes and forms, your absolute favorite being the caps lock yelling.
Maybe everything happened for a reason after all. If it weren’t for your clash with Tanya, you wouldn’t have ended up in this place. It by no means legitimized the horrendous behavior you had to endure, of course, but still…
It made things a bit easier to digest.
By the time you were a senior, things were going pretty much the way you always imagined them to be. There was no way to prevent the rotten apples here and there, but they didn’t spoil the whole bunch for you. You had your beloved mod bassboostedjiscake to repel them, after all.
Meanwhile, your ‘irl’ connections were more focused on feeding your one true passion now. You didn’t make friends; you found yourself research subjects to turn into stories. No chance of disappointment and everybody went home happy.
You scheduled the finale of the latest series you had been running for the past six months to be shared at 6 p.m. It was time to plan for a new story now, and you knew exactly where to go for some inspiration.
At your last Sigma Kappa mixer as an undergraduate.
“There. Right there!”
You didn’t even remember the name of this guy. Maybe you hadn’t even asked; it was a blur. All that mattered was that he was eating your pussy like a rabid animal in some closet you shoved him into, and he was doing a fantastic job at it.
“God, you taste fucking amazing,” he loudly slurped on your clit as you came all over his mouth, “Turn around.”
He slid into you so easily, then went on to absolutely drill you against the wall you were holding onto for dear life, spewing profanities into your ear, and groping your breasts as he spilled inside you with animalistic groans. You bit into that one last kiss you stole from him and exited that claustrophobic space.
Tonight was supposed to be all about vibehunting, huh?
Whoops.
You made your way downstairs and straight to the bar to get a much-needed refreshment from Minho. The second he saw Hyunjin coming into the room behind you, an impressed smile adorned his face.
“You fucking trapped Hwang?”
“Who?”
“The dude in red,” he pointed at him currently being sandwiched by two girls on a couch.
“Oh. Yeah,” you leisurely confirmed, “He gives great head. You can tell your friends. Long Island Iced Tea, please.”
As he proceeded to prepare your drink with an approving look, you grabbed your phone to check your notifications, and it immediately made you beam. Much more brightly than the bombastic sex you just had was supposed to make you.
ONI PSAHSJDFSJDFSJ Where can I order a Jay in real life this man is my JAYSUS
I cried my eyes out in the last scene. My therapist will be sending you the bills.
Anonymous asked:
More NSFW art for Corey+Jesse? 👉👈
-🦭
You replied to all of those comments one by one with heartfelt gratitude, then hit Answer on the ask.
You know it 👍
#🦭 anon
Once Minho placed your drink in front of you, you took a huge sip and started watching people and their interactions. For real this time. Everything seemed to be going in its usual flow. Guys rizzing up girls. Girls trying to sell themselves short. Guys dancing with guys. Girls making out with girls.
Then something to your right piqued your interest.
A guy and a girl sitting on a couch alone. You had never seen this girl before, but the dude seemed oddly familiar—you just couldn’t figure out from where for the life of you. All you could focus on was his black nail polish. You slurped on your straw and observed the awkward interaction unfolding before your eyes.
His rizz game was definitely strong. It didn’t even have to be; he was very good looking, but the conversation was stale. She was telling him about some gym she was going to and how her pilates instructor was ‘oh my god, like, throwing her back out’. He was listening like he was interested in it. They were clearly about to make out.
Then all of a sudden…
“OKAY, I’m gonna go.”
It even caught you by surprise, let alone the girl looking at him like a deer in headlights. Since when did anybody under this roof walk away without scoring? That was considered the most cardinal blasphemy.
“Psst, cat dude,” you immediately leaned into the bar top, “I need intelligence about the runaway Samoyed over there.”
Minho looked up and spotted the man making his way towards the exit. Instead of answering, he heaved a very deep sigh.
“This is becoming way too frequent,” he put the glass in his hand on the bar top a bit too harshly, “My price just went up.”
“Again?!”
“You should have thought about that before telling me your aunt was the baking goddess at the mall,” he shrugged, “I want one of those fluffy cheesecakes in addition to my regular six-pack pudding.”
“You’re gonna get fucking diabetes at this rate but fine,” you agreed with impatient eyes, “The dude with the black nail polish. Why did he pronounce that as ‘Aurkay’ just now? Is he an import?”
Instead of being his insufferable self, Minho broke into a huge grin like he was watching a hilarious skit.
“Yes, hot-ass surfer land, but I think you could have concluded that by yourself,” he smugly raised his brows, “What do you really wanna know?”
“He was two seconds away from making out with that girl, but all of a sudden he bounced.”
“Not even slightly in your league,” he almost wheezed, which was quite literally offensive for you.
“You’re saying I can’t bed him?”
“No, woman. The guy’s terminally single.”
That was simply bullshit. If you looked like that, there wouldn’t be a single person you laid your eyes on and didn’t fuck. Minho must have been fucking with you for some reason you weren’t able to decode.
“That’s one hot piece of ass. He could get anybody he wants in this room,” you downed your glass and slammed it in front of him for a refill, “How come he’s not hitting that every fucking Tuesday?”
“Technically I’m not allowed to talk about it, but I’ll let you have a guess,” he manifested a pinkish orange liquid out of thin air and placed it in front of you. You almost spit it out the second it touched your tongue.
“The fuck, man, this doesn’t have any alcohol in it!”
“Didn’t you ask for a virgin cocktail?”
“No?!”
He raised his brows at you knowingly, waiting for it to finally dawn on you. After five seconds of processing time, you smiled to yourself.
“Oh, is that so?”
«TO BE CONTINUED»
AUTHOR'S NOTE
We have been talking about The Red Lights Chronicles with @straywrds forever. And I mean forever. We have discussed it in gazillion different formats — drabbles, one shots, interactives, swaps... but at the very end, things have a way of shaping themselves. What fundamentally mattered was that this was supposed to be an emotive collaboration with my favorite writer. Writing in a way that excited us, about things we were inspired by, yearning for, things that hurt us very deeply so that we could maybe heal a little. For ourselves in the first place. Everything else was noise.
At least it was supposed to be.
Some decisions I've made inadvertently affected her as well, and a part of me always sizzled because of that. I tend to take some things as signs from [insert source of power], and I'd like to believe the one I received for this was apt.
Today, I'm here with the very first shade of my Chronicles palette, a passion project long time in the making. Without paying any mind to the noise. It makes me happy just to put it out there.
Here's a story I've written. Enjoy!
「© 2021-2024, cb97percent · No translations, rewrites, or reposts permitted」
✉ Enjoyed this? It would be cool of you to reblog so that my work can reach more people.
#bang chan smut#bang chan scenarios#bang chan imagines#bang chan x reader#bang chan x y/n#bang chan x you#stray kids smut#stray kids scenarios#stray kids imagines#stray kids x reader#stray kids x y/n#stray kids x you#skz smut#skz scenarios#skz imagines#skz x reader#skz x y/n#skz x you
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Hello! This is Nikolai fic I had an idea of, I hope you like it and enjoy it! :) <3
There are parts to this story that discuss death, reader is NOT suicidal, but metaphorically speaking, envying how the dead even have more freedom with their emotions than a living human. Also, they misunderstand Nikolai's idea of freedom because of lack of informations (they know he needs to die for a plan, so misinterpretation happens). There is also a part in the beginning that mentions their ability coming to an end, they are unaware of Fyodor's desire to kill all ability users, they just know they could be free from their ability. (this is very briefly mentioned, one sentence)
CW/TW: SFW, gn!reader, reader works at DoA and has an ability "Dead Souls", they don't like Nikolai at first, reader is also a bit mean/sharp/bitter at first, the story follows part of the main plot, bickering, sometimes sassy Nikolai, cursing, reader has never been in love or had friends, reader doesn't allow themselves to feel a lot due to the ability, a lot of dialogue and inner monologue, misunderstandings, Nikolai & reader prank Sigma, kinda slow burn, "friends" to enemies to lovers…?, they get into an argument, reader slaps Nikolai & uses harsh words, they make up, fluff and romance (yikes😒), if I forgot anything please let me know! :)
Also, there is a small portion where Nikolai and reader discuss his card, I am a bit of a fanatic towards tarot & regular cards, so I wanted to add that part because I think it's really interesting for Nikolai's character + it creates a bit of intimacy :) (basically, 3 of spades represents a failure in achieving a certain desire; outcome different than firstly anticipated. Usually disappointment, however, I wanted to make a little twist to it, given the nature of the fic, so his plan fails for other cheesy reasons :3)
* This mostly stems from my need for fluffy Nikolai and because I am an awful, cheesy & romantic person. (I disgust myself and you should be disgusted too)
I digress...I thought that using one of the works from an irl author to sort of...make an opposite, but similar to bsd Nikolai when it comes to freedom could be interesting. Ability isn't fully connected to a book itself, it's more my own interpretation + using the name to make it! :D Also, names are from the book, descriptions of souls in this case is different since I wanted to make a little variety :)
** When Nikolai says "So is graveyard", he isn't threatening to kill the reader, but teasing their ability and dead vibe/behavior or rather lack of excitement :3
I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)
this is long, I am sorry, spam how disgusting I am pls.....an AO3 link is here and in the fic, since it couldn't fit LOL
A cage of freedom || Nikolai Gogol x Reader
Dead Souls. That was your ability which you hated. It had some good parts, of course, but it mostly limited you in your own essence. Part of your ability allowed you to see other people's essence, their soul and one thing they crave the most. Different part was granting you power to see, speak to and help souls of the dead to pass on when they are ready.
It all sounds like a lovely thing to experience, except it wasn't.
Indeed, the souls could help you as well, grant you needed information, take care of your blind spots, even fight for you.
However, everything has a price.
Yours was your own soul. Not in a way people usually imagine.
Your ability didn't allow you to feel much. The dead who get stuck in the physical realm are already feeling a lot of heavy emotions - such as grief, pain, anger, sorrow and anxiety. Therefore, your own emotions had to be in constant check so you wouldn't be disturbing the souls attached to you and possibly ruin their remaining stability. With that being known, you realized that the best way is to not experience anything at all or rather, as little as possible.
You didn't allow yourself to experience fear, anxiety or sadness. You learned to detach yourself and naturally, the stories of the poor souls made your endurance much bigger. Another big rule you had was not falling in love or loving people. They can leave at any moment and completely ruin the ground beneath you which would trap those souls you take care of in the worst parts of existence - eternal suffering and no memories of their lives.
People can hurt you, they are unpredictable and dishonest, as much as you can see the part of their essence - that doesn't protect your own. It is always better not to risk it. That's what you've learned after so many years of living the way you do.
Which is why you were a perfect fit for Decay of Angels.
Someone who is rational, not emotion driven and has a flexible ability that actually grants more than one person. Fyodor was beyond intrigued, and you were beyond satisfied with their goal. You wanted your own ability to come to an end, but also, to stop the war.
Aftermaths of wars still have souls lingering to this day, too damaged to be helped and you always feel a faint sting in your heart when you can't do anything. You can't even grieve them or cry over them, just forcefully accept endless suffering like it's nothing, but an inconvenience.
You were deprived of basic human experience and the right - to feel. You were not a psychopath, nor a sociopath, no. You had to forcefully cage your own heart and limit anything that may come in or out of it. As much as you would like to say it does become easier, some days remind you that it's not.
To say you crave a friendship, a love, a passion, a sadness, an intense happiness, a heartbreak, a feeling of being alive after being surrounded by nothing but death for as long as you remember was an understatement.
Sometimes, the souls would apologize to you, they felt your desires too. They were beyond grateful for your work, but they also knew the suffering they were causing to you.
Being stripped away from a life - in a living, functioning body in which the blood runs and heart beats intensely was nothing more than a punishment. Nothing less than a cruel joke. Just a simple slavery to your own unfortunate circumstance. You were a warm flesh covering your own cage, pretending to be alive while craving the freedom of the dead. A freedom of everyone else.
Even the worst scums on earth had a right to feel, but you? No.
You were deprived of a choice even before you were given one.
When you met the rest of the Angels, you were not impressed by any, given the fact you already knew you wouldn't attach yourself. A quick glance at their essences told you everything you needed to know.
Sigma, Bram, Fukuchi, Fyodor and finally Nikolai.
A home.
A sleep. A family. It switches depending on whether he is awake or asleep.
An end to a war.
Salvation and cleansing.
A freedom.
You want to scoff. A freedom? From what?
It often mildly annoys you how people's deepest desires are either shallow, overly egoistical or simply attainable. Some people desire to change the world in the name of God, old or dead friends which is always an excuse for them to do whatever they think is right. Nobody can out-perfect the dead and you know it very well.
God is always used as a pedestal to explain human's extremities and allow them destruction in the name of higher good. Past can never not be sorrow and similarly to the dead - nothing can out-perfect it or change it. It all seems like a valid excuse simply because it can't be touched by humans. A past, the dead, a God. It's all singular and unchangeable. Therefore, it is undiscussable and immediately accepted as a valid reasoning for human's selfishness.
Some people desire a home or a family. Those are valid desires of any human and to those you can relate to.
However, for most humans it holds no meaning. They are shallow in their desires. It's often a one-way street. They want to be loved and to be safe or secure, but they aren't ready to give the same treatment back. Or simply, they try to heal their own lack of certain emotions or feelings through physically conventional things.
To make up for something they are not.
But one thing they all are. Humans are greedy. Once they attain home or a family, they desire something else. More. More. More. It's always more. They always want more of life. They never learn to appreciate what they have and the freedom of choice they were given. The very beginning of it - a freedom to desire things. It could be your own mild bitterness speaking, but given your position, it was a fair mindset to have. You were not allowed to even desire too much or too hard.
Some people desire things they already have. Those you hated the most - as much as you were allowed to hate.
They were either creepily shallow in a way such as - desiring more money when they already have everything they could possibly need. Desiring more partners; more love or passion when they already have a person who is completely devoted to them. Wanting more excitement, more happiness, more friends - everything they already had, but didn't appreciate, or could achieve without breaking a sweat.
A freedom?
There were people who desired freedom for good reasons. Abusive marriages, families or relationships. Being disabled or mentally ill. Being sick. Being overly pressured. Suffering things such as slavery, sex trafficking and similar. They desire freedom too and you know that. You don't speak of them, and you are aware of your own ungratefulness sometimes.
But, human tragedies and pains are not to be compared because one will always seem smaller than the other, but emotions on each side will always remain. Desire on each side will always remain. Helplessness will always remain.
They will connect through their despair which humans are either awfully good or bad at.
You are the bad one. You can only connect to the dead, and even then, your input and output must be limited. Your heart shall not open more than an inch. If you could stitch it to be shut closed - you would.
But you can't. Because certain empathy is needed for your ability to work. Not too much or too little of anything. To some it may seem like balance, but in reality it's torture.
Either feel everything or nothing at all. Feel as much as you need to feel.
Because experiencing life in low, limited measurement is like a soul is sick. Experiencing life in rare tea spoons of what it means to be living. Get a drop of water when there is an endless, clean ocean in front of you. A few breaths of being alive in-between what seems like endless suffocation.
It's awful and excruciating. It feels tightening. It feels like your soul is constipated to say the least. It feels torturous.
Therefore, quite frankly, you can't help but experience a small jolting of nerves when you witness someone like him. Someone who seems so obnoxious, so loud, so out there, so shamelessly being themself. Someone who has all the freedom, who isn't bound by the dead, by the living, by the suffering, by his own ability. Hell, even listening about his ability makes you want to puke.
"My ability grants me to store things in my coat right here! I can also create portals and transfer my body parts or things. Pretty cool, isn't it?!" he is twirling around while he speaks, his voice enthusiastic.
"A true ability for a true magician!" he claps his hands before bowing down. As if he did something amazing.
You don't even say a word, a faint disgust on your face.
"Oh~, you don't seem impressed," his voice softens.
"How about now?!" he transports his hand from his coat to the other member named Sigma, squishing his cheek. Sigma yelps, giving him an irritated look.
"Could you stop that?!" he yells as he unsuccessfully tries to slap Nikolai's hand away as he reverts it back quickly, giggling.
"Interesting." you say in an obviously disinterested tone. Nikolai looks at you, his expression confused for a moment.
"Ah, sarcasm! Got it!" he snaps his fingers before pointing at you.
"What about you, though? What's your ability?" he asks with a little smile on his face.
"I can speak to the dead." you deadpan and both men's expressions change to a slight shock.
"Really?" Nikolai asks, a bit intrigued.
"Really. I can communicate with them and help them cross once they are ready." you nod, your whole demeanor calm.
"That's spooky!" he says in a lower, but still expressive tone, covering his mouth with his hand that was further covered by the coat.
"Not at all. It's depressing, but rewarding at times." you reply in a casual tone.
"Hm...still, quite spooky to me." he replies in a quieter tone.
"To each its own." you shrug. The silence fills the room, feeling a bit awkward, but as if it could affect you.
"So...are there any dead people with us now?" Sigma whispers.
"Quite a few actually. Around five at the moment." you smile as you rest your chin on your palm.
"Your whisper woke them, they seem to be quite angry with you. They will begin to hunt soon." you give him a sly gaze.
"Why?! I didn't do anything! How do I-"
"I am kidding. They don't care." you say in a slightly playful tone, calming an anxious man down. He would never be able to have your ability, it's entertaining to witness.
"So you do have a sense of humor after all! We will make a great pair." Nikolai giggles at your teasing. He sits next to you and you feel the disgust climb up your throat.
Naturally, you tone it down immediately. For your own and the souls' sake.
"I don't think so." you raise your eyebrow at him, lips curling down a bit. Nikolai gives you a slightly confused expression.
"If I leave now, will they follow me?" Sigma whispers again and it makes you sigh out.
"No, they won't follow you. Unless you are the reason they are bound in the physical realm or I order them, they won't care about you." your voice is comforting. You understand people's anxiety around you and rarely blame them. It's better than those who cling onto you. Like this damn clown.
Sigma nods, letting a little sigh out from relief. He waves to you and leaves the room, you assume to the Casino he was in charge of.
"Do you want to prank him later?" Nikolai giggles happily, elbowing your arm. You want to rip his arm apart, but remain calm - as always.
"Not interested." you slowly get up, making a leave of your own.
You stop for a moment, turning around to face him. Nikolai's expression seems innocent and dumb-founded.
"One more thing though. I can also see the souls of people and their biggest desire. Quite frankly, yours disgusts me. So, if you would be so kind as to stay away from me unless it's a work thing." you give him a polite smile, regardless of your voice being sharp. You open the door and leave the room to go to your own before a mission.
......Continue on AO3
#nikolai gogol x reader#nikolai x reader#nikolai gogol bsd#nikolai gogol x reader fluff#nikolai gogol x you#nikolai gogol x y/n#bsd nikolai#bsd imagines#bsd fic#bsd fluff#bsd romance#nikolai gogol fluff
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somethin gay
(Hello, sorry I've been gone. I died of ailment and still am, though I'm a lot better now. So back to work! I was really in the mood for Ed angst. And naturally, I made it gay too.)
"Are you okay?..."
The question caught him off guard, and he wasn't sure exactly how to answer it. Because no one ever really asked him that. Aside from Blue, no one ever seemed to worry over him. Not that Edward blamed them. Why would they worry? He was Edward Quinton, school king! He was always okay. Nothing bad ever happened to him. He was perfect. He wanted it to look that way. He didn't want anyone to worry for him, so he took no offense when no one did. But he was tired, he was drained and overwhelmed. His schedule was far too packed, and he barely had time to think anymore. With sports, school, family issues, friend issues, his status, and all the supernatural stuff he had lately, he was starting to crack.
It would appear he'd slipped up somewhere in his little act because now Isaac was looking at him with that look, that look that said he knew something was wrong with him and God did Ed hate it. He hadn't gotten that look since middle school. Sitting alone in the office covered in bruises cause kids were mean. Adults and children alike looking at him as if he were a poor pathetic stray puppy kicked to the curb.
"I'm fine." it came out harsher than he meant for it to. He hadn't meant to sound so snippy, but it was an instinctual reaction he hadn't yet figured out how to stop. Isaac didn't seem to take offense fortunately, unfortunately, though he didn't seem to buy into his answer either.
"Are you sure..? You look really tired. When's the last time you slept?" The blonde pressed further. He couldn't really remember. He hadn't slept hardly at all this week. He wasn't sure what exactly was causing it, but he just couldn't seem to sleep at night. And it appeared that his prolonged silence had answered whatever questions Isaac had. The little shit had clearly come to his own conclusion, so Ed didn't bother to try answering. There was a long moment of quiet before Ed felt hands on his chest. "Lay down."
"Huh..? why?.." his face scrunched up a bit, but he let his boyfriend push him down and let out a soft oof sound as the smaller boy draped himself over Ed, tucking his face into the crook of his neck and sighing. "You need to sleep, so we're taking a nap." Edward could shove him off if he wanted. He was stronger, and Isaac weighed the equivalent of nothing to him. He was heavy against his chest but not unbearably so... actually, it felt kinda nice. The weight was grounding... in a way he hadn't realized he'd needed until now.
He felt the tension draining out of him as his face flushed, and he wormed his arms out from under Isaac to wrap them around him. "Fine..." he grumbled. He didn't have it in him to fight, and it felt so nice to be close. A hand in his hair, fuzzy blankets pulled up over them. He felt warm, both literally and metaphorically. It was a cheesy thing to think about, he knew, but he couldn't help it. Isaac just did that to him... He let out a soft sigh, his eyes drifting shut as he held the other closer and felt sleep taking him at last. He was supposed to be okay, but he supposed this once he'd allow himself the leisure of vulnerability...
#ibvs#ibvs posts#isaac beamer versus the supernatural#edward quinton#isaac beamer#Haha i could breathe for like 2 weeks#Ed being terrifed of vulnerability and admitting hes not always ok#hes just me#i love them so much#i wanna but them in a blender
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HIIIII soooo good morning/evening/night idk at wich time you'll see this bUt i kinda remembered this scenes in wich jonathan is high as hell and i tought it was funny- THE POINT IS can i request a jonathan byers x male reader in wich they are both smoking and the reader accidentaly confesses his feelings towards jonathan and they end up kissing but like in a cute way- idk just them both laughing and loving each other it would be very adorable
thank uuu <3
Love you so much, it makes me sick.
Jonathan Byers x Male reader
CW: drug use (duh), brief mentions of sex, cheesy ass ‘i love you more’ banter.
A/N: I wrote down a real conversation I had with my friend when we both were drunk for the first part.
"Dude, open the window, or I'm going to fucking choke"
Jonathan got out of bed, coughing up the marijuana smoke enveloping his lungs, and reached for the window, carefully opening it. He peeked out the window and sucked in the lilac-scented air, which in the same second mingled with the sweet smell that was coming from his room. After standing at the window a little longer, he looked around. Opening the curtains, Byers shivered and sighed.
"Is that better?", he asked and, without waiting for an answer, settled back on the bed. Y/N nodded in agreement, peering into the darkness surrounding their room. On the other side of the street, sparse lights came on. The wind picked up.
"Shit, Jonny. Have you ever wondered how our existence and our existence of our world relate to each other? Well, take our motorcycles, for example. They, too, appear to give our consciousness some sort of place to retire to. To sit on a motorcycle that means nothing and means nothing about you-and to exist."
Y/N turned toward his friend, trying to focus his gaze on his face. Byers stared at him in silence for a while, then let out a weak chuckle.
"What? I don't get it. Why your motorcycle is... Like, our existence?"
"Not my motorcycle, idiot, and I don't even have one. Life.", L/N held his finger up meaningfully. Jonathan made a pensive face.
"So, does everything in the world have something to do with motorcycles?"
L/N shook his head and shrugged.
"What motorcycles, you uneducated dummy, it's a metaphor. An elementary metaphor. Elementary, though very profound."
Jonathan shook his head, "Nah, I don't get it. When did you buy a motorcycle?"
"I never bought one. A motorcycle, it's like... Speed, and in life, everybody's got... And aspiration, and it's like... Ah, fuck it, forget it."
Jonathan threw up his hands in defeat. "All right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. You seem kind of weird today."
Y/N waved his hand and turned away. "It'll be all right. I'm just tired. Gotta get some sleep."
His friend looked away. "I know what you mean. I've thought about it myself sometimes. And then, all of a sudden, you realize you can't live like that. You don't even have to fuck somebody."
"What's up with the fucking thing? Haven’t gotten lucky in a while?"
"No, it's kind of a... Metaphor... Or whatever it is you said."
Y/N laughed, leaning back on the bed. "You're such a dumbass, it's funny. I love you even more for that. Not that I didn’t love you in the first place"
Byers turned to him and made a face as serious as he could under the influence of weed. L/N furrowed his brows, trying to figure out what it was he was saying.
"Wait... What?" Jonathan leaned toward him and looked into his eyes. "What did you say?"
"What did I say...?" L/N lowered his gaze to Jonathan’s lips.
Byers blinked slowly, waving his head. His gray-brown eyes glowed and it was as if he was looking right into Y/N’s soul.
"Are you... Are you serious right now?"
There was an unease in his voice that sounded serious. Y/N suddenly relaxed and sat up on the bed.
"What did I say?" - he asked again, confused, and laughed without waiting for an answer. "I don’t understand. Maybe I said something wrong, huh? Am I going to get in trouble?"
He laughed again. An uncertain smile appeared on Jonathan's face and he laughed softly, too.
"Geez, Y/N, you're such a sweetheart..."
Byers raised his hand and ran his fingers down his friends cheek. L/N stared breathlessly at his fingers, a fire burning beneath them. And, submitting to that warmth, Y/N felt the world change. It was as if he wasn't inhaling oxygen from his lungs, but a stream of bright, fresh waves that grew stronger and stronger and suddenly carried him far from his bedroom. Him and Jonathan. The two of them together. And at that moment, Jonathan pressed their lips together, and L/N realized that what he had just felt was, in fact, the most important thing in his life. Then Jonathan embraced him and Y/N felt his body come alive, filling with new life.
"It's time. I don't want to live without you, Y/N," he whispered.
"It's the marijuana talking in you now, Johnny, or the alcohol, I don't know..."
"Maybe," Byers replied, and, wrapping his arms around his neck, drawing himself closer, “But what I do know is that today, here and now, that's all I need. Y/N, I love you. I love no one more than I love you. And I love you more than I love myself. Tell me, do you love me?"
L/N laughed and kissed him on the nose. "I said it first, of course I love you. I love you very much, Johnny. I love you so much I'm afraid I can't hold it in...I love you so much, I could just eat you."
"Don't eat me... I'm not tasty..." Jonathan smiled as he nestled in Y/N’s lap and buried his face in the others shoulder, inhaling the scent of his hair.
"You know, you're so funny when you smile, N/N..."
"And you're very funny when you laugh. I always laugh with you. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced in my life."
"You don't understand, Y/N... You don't understand how good I feel with you..."
"I'm sure I'm better off with you than you are with me."
"That's not true, I love you so much more. When I look at you, my heart melts."
"Liar, I love you so much more. I really do..."
"I mean it. You're the best." Jonathan kissed Y/N’s shoulder, then his neck, then went up to his ear, and finally reached his face, attacking it with messy butterfly kisses.
“Oh, stop it!” L/N laughed trying to get Byers back with an attack of his own, before grabbing Jonathan’s head to stabilize it in one place, capturing his lips in a long, sensual french kiss. After a while, they separated for air, Jonathan placing his forehead upon Y/N’s, staring into his lovers eyes.
“I still think I love you more though.”
#x male reader#x reader#stranger things#stranger things x reader#stranger things x male reader#jonathan byers x reader#jonathan byers#jonathan byers x male reader#jonathan byers x you#male reader#gay#jonathan byers imagine#jonathan byers x y/n#🍷 mlmmetalhead
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hi keri !!! i hope you’re doing okay! i just wanted to drop a f/o recommendation!
for some reason i feel like maybe you’d like boothill from honkai star rail?? we only have a little bit of info on him currently, but!!! .. he’s a space cowboy who does bounty hunting, and a cyborg (smth happened in his past, and now his head is the only human part left..). he swears to punish the wretched by any & all means!! (he would def protect u, his lone star encountered in the cosmos!! wholeheartedly!!) but for the silly part !! someone tampered with his synesthesia beacon and now, like a filter, any swearing gets turned into sweet, cutesy words (ex… little baby, i love you LOL😭😭)
he’s pretty righteous!! just so long as his bottom line isn’t crossed. and a somewhat of a gentleman i feel like?? (would.. 11/10 kiss ur hand..) despite being a wanted outlaw, and his appearances and impression of a scary or unruly guy, he’s actually really reliable and can get along with people pretty easily!! (easy going, fun, personality.. flamboyance and optimism is off the charts.. like the animations from his leaked gameplay say it all!! maybe he’d give back hugs??) also cheesy guy… seems like he’d use nicknames and old metaphors but they definitely work !! surprisingly!!
and uhh that’s about it!! i think.. kinda went on for a bit, 😭😭 sorry about that.. but i wanted to try and tell u all i could on him! 🙏
OMG HI HI MEDDLY!!!! I'M SOOO HAPPY TO SEE U IN MY INBOX HI HI HI!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
F/O RECOMMENDATION???? FOR ME???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 WUWHUWWH THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
I looked up a picture and UM!!!! hello 😳
HI. HELLO. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO 😳😳😳
The way you phrased this,,,, he'd protect "his lone star encountered in the cosmos" OOGHOGHG,,,, I'M ALREADY WEAK!!!! and even better, bro I LOVE that he legally cannot say fuck SDFHSDFSDFSLFSDF
I am drinking this all up. oh my gosh. what a pleasant message to come home to!!!! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I wuv hand kisses. oogh. i'm so soft for the way you're describing him................... that is sooooooo nice of you to tell me about him!!!! He sounds RIGHT up my alley, and I wouldn't have known about him if you didn't tell me 👀!! I am Looking!!!!! 👀
Giving you the biggest virtual hug EVER thank you SOOO MUCH!!!!!!! ILUSM!!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰💕💓💗💖💗💓💞💕💕💟💝💘💕💗💞💕💘💝💝💘💕💕💕💕
#i always get the biggest smile when i see you in my notifs#you are one of the sweetest people ever!!! EVER!!!!#I hope you are having the best day ever!!!!!#meddlehaven#asks#Keri's Kiss List 💌 (recs)#this made me sooo happy 🥺🥺🥺
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RPM
(Prompt for @ria-coolgirl, who suggested a sleepover with the boys listening to cheesy pop music! Sorry if this kinda got away from that, but hopefully you'll think it's cute lol)
Paul likes music, and wants something to keep him and everyone occupied. He decides to hit up his favorite record store.
-
Call him crazy, call him a tippy-tapping fool, but if ever one was to meet Paul Harris meandering down the Boardwalk, you'd almost have to call it dancing.
Always a tune in his head, always something playing that only he could hear the melody of. Paul danced to the beat of his own drums, and it was some damn good music if he did say so.
Such wandering, feeling the rhythm, took him lots of places. Little pop-up stores that happened over the summer months, here and gone again for the warm nights. Markets and art fairs that stayed active after sunset were fun, Marko liked those. Sometimes he'd mosey into a shop just following an idle thought, see what was about, and under the stares of the clerks (who tried their best to pretend they weren't staring) he'd make his way back out. Usually with something tucked into his jacket or pocket they weren't aware of. (Hey, you can't leave a store without getting something, that was just stupid.)
Tonight, the music in Paul's head was quiet, and disorganized, like a radio you just couldn't get to pick up a signal. It needed tuning - and he needed something to sink his (metaphorical this time) teeth into.
Streetlight Records, his haven away from haven.
Tucked neatly between two much larger buildings, the door for it almost hidden away just around the corner and in an alcove, one might have almost walked right past it. The doorway, however, was lit with garlands of twinkling lights they put out in the summer, and the base of something was humming out into the street, advertising for all who wished to open their eyes and ears, and take a chance.
Paul slips into to the doorway.
The shop was longer than it was wide, and it wasn't a whole lot of that to begin with. Along the left wall and down the straight middle isle, starting basically at the door so close you'd bump into it if you weren't careful, shelves upon shelves of LPs and EPs. Bins filled, racks a mash and collection that a vinyl dragon would go green with envy over. Some were arranged by year, others by genera. Artists' faces in posters and their album art, if they were popular enough, hung from the light strands wound around the ceiling and support beams. Under those were cases of cassettes, displays for tape recorders and the empty tapes to go with them.
The right side was a little less packed, but no less interesting. The glass case under the counter top and register boasted more gift-shoppy material, for those who only knew what played on the radio and when confronted with the font of auditory wonders before them, chose to stay in shallower waters. Racks of post cards, books of music history for the well-listened eggheads, more expensive maintenance tools for people's instruments.
And speaking of, further in the back sat displays of sound equipment for bands. Paul had spent more hours than he could reliably remember giving the old Fender some much-needed love and attention, here with lights and amps where it's rich, rolling sounds could be appreciated.
The place was a feast for anyone looking to discover something about themselves, and Paul was never satiated.
Paul slips past the immediate shelves to get to the front register, hands finding the glass surface and beginning to tap along to the muted cacophony in his head. It was deserted for the moment, but you didn't need supernatural senses to smell that someone had been here not too long ago, partaking in something that made the music sound even better. Paul leans over the desk and eyes the thick, beaded curtain that lead to the back rooms.
"Hey Randy! If you don't come out here someone's gonna come in and steal your signed Grateful Dead shirt!"
Indeed, said shirt was hanging up, proudly displayed on the wall behind the counter. It was a much prized possession - and in some real amount of danger from some fingers more sticky than not. It was also a surefire way to get the attention of a certain shop owner.
There's some sounds from behind the curtain, shuffling and maybe something falling over as someone jumped up, either at the threat or the owner of the voice issuing it. Paul hears the shout back before he can actually make out the words. If there were words being said at all.
Judging from the practically-visible cloud that follows the man who emerges from behind the curtain, it's more likely the latter.
Randy's and older dude, not 'old' but certainly a decade and a half Paul's (visible) elder. His hair is crow black, shoulder length and wavy, held back with a tie and a wrapped, psychedelic bandana. His eyes are blown to space, he's got a red press mark on his face, clearly the picture of a man getting ready to close up for the night and getting the evening come-down started a little early.
He'd probably known who had come in from the shout, but seeing him at the counter changes something in his face. How his back straightens. Eyes dart to the doorway, and then into the depths of the store. Looking for people who follow like ghosts in each other's wake.
His shoulders only relax a little when he finds it's only Paul, still looking at him expectantly. His half-smile could simply be the weed, and being tired. Paul lets it be.
"The man of the hour," Paul says, holding out a hand.
Randy huffs a laugh, and reaches out to take it, grasping it and pulling it in to touch forearms. To his credit, he no longer reacts to the cool skin as it touches him. One too many smokes - or maybe one too many touches with something like Paul to bother reacting.
"Yeah, sure. Only for you."
Paul takes his hand back and places it on his chest. "I consider it the highest honor, dude."
Randy nods a little.
These were words exchanged back and forth easily enough. Informal formalities, but a certain script maintained all the same. Like the glass counter between them. Crystal clear, but a barrier.
The shopkeep shrugs, and leans on his elbow. "Well, you got me here. What's up?"
Paul keeps drumming his fingers on the counter. A pattern only he can make sense of.
"Well, believe it or not, I'm actually not here for anything in particular," Paul says. "I'm uh. Actually looking for something along the lines of. New."
Randy blinks, cocking his head a little. "New?"
"Ya."
Believe it or not, immortality came with downsides. Well. Maybe not downsides so much as reoccurring stumbles. One of which being that the 'new' turned into 'old' faster than one would think, and even for someone who could listen to the same song on repeat for a whole day, there was a whole world of new things being made. New songs, new artists, new sounds. Collecting them to preserve perfectly forever like all the trinkets of the past stored in the cave. Immortal memory.
Randy however, looked over Paul like he'd started growing a second head. However, he knew better than to quibble. The script had run out, and Paul was looking at him expectantly. He was the expert in these things, and his customer had asked for goods.
"Well, we do got some stuff here, towards the front-"
Paul knew what Randy was pointing out, but he shakes his head. The silver bangles Marko had threaded into his hair shake with a metallic clicking, his blade of his earring glinting in the low lights. Randy stops mid-sentence, not about to waste Paul's time on the air it took to make the words. He knew better.
"Nah, man, I don't mean like, new releases. I mean just. Like. New. Somethin' different."
Something to scratch the constant itch of eternal stagnation amidst constant, unstoppable change.
Randy is silent, looking at him. There isn't much of a semblance of the polite, sleepy smile he'd been wearing earlier. Paul keeps looking right back at him, fingers drumming, drumming, drumming away at the counter. Nails clicking against the glass. Dragging.
It's only when Paul moves, shifting from one foot to the other, in a fidget, that Randy comes back into motion.
"Right. Sure. Okay, yeah, I just- hang on."
Paul nods a couple times, a little 'sure' thrown in as well as Randy moves off with maybe a little too much pep in his step, especially considering it's back behind the curtain and into another room. Where Paul's relaxed stare isn't on him the whole time.
There's the sound of boxes being moved, the clack of plastic cases - ans to ears more sensitive, dark mutterings. Paul pretends it's the rattling of the old water pipes along the ceiling.
He reaches over, to one side of the counter, and snatches up a couple jacket patches from the bins left out for sale. Marko had mentioned wanting to potentially start a new jacket project soon. Paul tucks them into his pocket.
Randy comes back after a few minutes. In his hands is a box, and in that box is a mess of things. A couple records, their sleeves looking a little battered, more than a few cassette tapes that looked much more recent, though one had a cracked case.
Paul reaches forward before Randy can say anything and pulls out something from the lot - a magazine, and from the provided pouch in the back of it, a small disc.
"Oh, I love Flexis!" Paul says, grin wide. "They're not making them much anymore."
He holds up the small, colorful record disk, and Randy's shoulders relax a little. He'd pleased the beast.
"There's not a whole lot, I think they only ran that edition with the Flexi for a while, but I had it kinda lying around, so."
Paul snorts. "What, you're using this to pawn your junk off on me, man?"
He flicks a finger at the box, tapping it rather harshly. Randy, again to his credit, doesn't flinch. But from the twitch under his eye, it's a near thing.
Paul grabs the box from him before he can try to say anything else. "I'm joshing you, dude. Jeez. You need some stronger stuff if you're this wound up. You know I'll take anything. You got good taste."
Randy lets Paul take the box from him, fingertips meeting for only a second. Paul's nails are sharp against his skin.
Paul tucks his prize under one arm. With his other, he digs into some pocket or another in his coat. From it, he produces a set of bills. He slaps them down on the countertop.
"You're a pal, Ran-the-man. Catch ya next week!"
Without waiting for Randy to open the till or count the money, or even a goodbye, Paul is already out the door. Barely a sound follows him, just the now empty store, playing its low background music under soft lighting.
When the man does blink out of his stupor, and counts the amount given to him for his motley collection of odds and ends, it's enough to make even his mouth go dry.
He doesn't ask, though. Never does. He simply straightens out the notes, and sets the stained paper in the drawer.
-
"Oh, I wanna dance with somebody! I wanna feel the heat with somebody!"
The music echoed in the main hall, the voices rising and falling with it perhaps not the most in-tune, but the enthusiasm was all that was really necessary.
David watches Star try to keep her smile down at Paul as he strikes a pose, singing into an invisible microphone, swaying her own head side to side with the melody. He lets himself smile with her.
Marko and Dwayne occupy the couch on either side of her, critiquing the performance.
"Good hip movement."
"You know, if he permed his hair, he might actually kinda look like Whitney."
"I vote eight point seven."
"No way, this is freestyle, tens across the board."
"No, there's always room for improvement."
The tall blond shimmies his way over to her, and Star can't help but let out the suppressed giggle at his exaggerated lip-syncing. She protests a fair bit as she's pulled up, and brought to the 'dance floor', her eyes flitting over to David who only raises an eyebrow, before Paul is pulling her in, spinning them around in a dance that doesn't exist and is made purely of the need to move and feel the music.
"Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody! With somebody who loves me!"
The tune in his step matching the music in his head, and all around him. Harmony.
#the lost boys#drabble#prompt#my fic#music#there was so much research for simple throw away lines lmao#on the other hand I learned a lot and might want to try looking into vinyls#it seems cool#Streetlight Records is a real place and it's in Santa Cruz!#some artistic liberties have been taken with its building description
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Just The Way You Are/ 6
Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader
Word count- 2.6k
Includes- Cock warming, riding, missionary, slow sex, multiple orgasms, lots of touching, fluff
Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa
@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @aichanvlog @vemarkciraptor @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @hijirikaww
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Seonghwa POV
"So why do you like classic books?", she asks me
I raise my eyebrows, "Uh what?"
"Why do you like classic books? I mean you have to like them to be a lit professor right?"
I'm a little surprised that she's talking to me about this right now as I'm half sitting in my bed with her straddling me, my cock buried inside her
Kinda not the position to have a conversation in
"I uh...you wanna talk about this now?"
She rolls her eyes, "Duh. The whole point of cock warming is for you to stay inside me for awhile without us trying to fuck each other"
Yes I know the purpose of cock warming as I was the one who asked her to try it
"I don't know about you but it's hard for me to stay still on you and not, you know fuck you"
Is she kidding?
She has no idea how torturous it is for me to not thrust into her cunt right now
She's so fucking warm, so wet and pulsing lightly around me
I want to fuck her right now
"So if we want this to work, talking is a good distraction"
I mean I guess she's right
It'll be a distraction
How much of a distraction it'll be I don't know
"So why do you like classic books?"
I just smile at her, "I guess I like the whole figuring out what the author is trying to say. They wrote so differently back then, saying things in secret, hidden in metaphors and things like that"
"Why?"
"Because they had to. Their society wasn't like ours. They couldn't say anything they wanted to or they could be punished. And these stories tell us about their society, their rules, their punishments if they break the rules"
She frowns, "Ok but what if the author just wanted to write a story with no deeper meaning to it?"
Ah yes, the question I get all the time from my students
"They could have. Some authors just wrote for money. And maybe there aren't any deeper meanings but like I said, the book still tells us about the society the author lived in", I answer, "And it's fun to try to figure out any mysteries or clues they left"
She looks at me thoughtfully, "I never thought about that before. But uh...why do the books have to be so boring?"
I laugh out loud, "Some of them are, some aren't. Also the language they used can be confusing. But that's why there are people like me who exist. To teach everyone what the authors are saying. Once you get through one of the books and realize what is being said, shown, then it's easier to read others. It becomes like second nature the more you analyze"
"Huh", she says, tiling her head while she looks at me, "Sounds totally boring. I'd rather have straightforward books"
I snort, "Yeah sure. What do you read? Romance?"
She glares at me, crossing her arms
Shit, I insulted her
Not a good thing to do to a girl
Especially not a naked girl who's sitting on my dick and I hope will ride me soon
"I-", I start
"I do not read romance books", she says annoyed, "Well ok, I've read a few but they're so cheesy. The stories are ok but the whole sex scenes are so cringe. I usually skip those. I'd rather watch porn than read those"
My eyes snap open, "You watch porn?"
She raises her eyebrows, "Doesn't everyone?"
"I uh...I mean ....no?"
"Do you?", she asks
I feel my face turn red, "Uh. Yes"
"So do I", she shrugs, "Anyway, I don't read romance books"
I'm a little stunned at how she went from books to porn back to books in a blink of an eye
"So uh....what books do you like to read?", I ask
"Fantasy"
I feel my eyes widen, "Fantasy? As in like the huge fantasy books and series?"
"Mhmm", she says, her hands lightly moving to my stomach, tracing my abs, sending fire to every nerve, "Yeah I like the whole magic thing. Different magic systems, the heroes, the creatures, the character driven plots. I do like the heavy adult fantasy book but I also like to read the teen fantasy books when I want a lighter read"
"That's interesting", I say
She shrugs, "I like other genres too like paranormal books with vampires, werewolves and stuff. Historical fiction. Some non fiction if the subject is interesting"
"You're such a nerd", I laugh
She snorts, "Says the king of the dorks"
Yeah I know a lot of people see me as a dork
A nerd
A loser
"I just meant with kinda books you like", I murmur
She smiles softly, "Well I guess you're not wrong. I have nerdy book tendencies"
She starts moving her hips in small circles, her pussy getting tighter on me as my head rubs into her spot
Light pleasure starts to fill my body
I like it
"Do you have nerdy tv or movie tendencies too?"
She shakes her head, "I like the standard action movies. Horror. Sci-fi. And I don't watch tv"
"No?", I ask
She shakes her head, "I use Hulu and Netflix. Mostly to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
"Who the what?", I ask, making her giggle
"It's a late 90s tv show that my older sister used to watch when she was a teenager. She hooked me on to it. I've watched the entire series like fifty times. It never gets old"
I have never heard that tv show before
"It's about vampires?"
"It's about a girl who's a vampire slayer. She fights and kills all kinds of demons, vampires, monsters all while going to high school and dealing with everything that entails. It's really good and it's hilarious"
"Hmm", I answer, "Maybe I should watch it"
"Uh huh", she says, her hips moving faster, "Can I fuck you now Hwannie? I can't take it anymore"
Oh yes please
I was having such a hard time focusing
"Yeah jagi. Please"
She leans forward, her mouth against mine in a deep kiss as her arms wrap around my neck, bouncing on my dick
Pleasure takes over and I moan in her mouth, gripping her hips hard
With every bounce her pace gets harder, faster, rougher
Grabbing her ass, I spread her cute cheeks open, slamming my cock up into her
"Mmm Hwa", she moans
"Yeah baby. Moan for me", I whimper, thrusting up into her perfect pussy
Her cunt sucks me back in every thrust, taking me whole while spasming so pleasurably
"Let me, baby", I murmur, pulling her against me, moving my hips up, burying in her
I feel her cunt spread open just enough for me to slide in, her juice drenching my cock and my lap
Probably my bed too
Gripping her hips, I slide her up my cock, then right back down, the angle letting me hit her spot perfectly as well as let her throbbing clit rub against my pelvis
She cries my name in my neck with every hit into her cunt, her pleasurable spasms making me moan
She's close, her cunt wrapped around me so tightly
"Mmmm, that pretty hole is so tight for me", I murmur in her ear, "Gonna gush around my cock for me?"
"I...I"
"Hmm jagi? Need your pussy to squirt and drench me ok? Need it all over me, all over the bed, everywhere", I urge her, "Squirt for my cock"
And it's like her body listens to me because as soon as I finish asking her, she yells my name, squirt landing all over my lap
I feel it around my cock, feel the sheets soaking underneath me and I fucking love every second of it
And the pleasure her spasming cunt is giving me is amazing
"Good girl", I praise her, "There we go, my best girl"
When she finishes, I turn us over, get her legs around my shoulders and lean over her, slipping my cock back inside the warmth of her fluttering cunt
"Hwa", she sighs, like she's happy I'm back inside her
"Good baby?", I ask
She nods, her arms holding on to mine that are on either side of her head, "So good Hwa"
Pulling back, I snap my hips, plunging into her pussy, my pace hard and fast
"You love being filled with my cock huh baby?", I ask, slamming into her
"Yes baby!", she cries
"With just my cock?"
"Yes baby, fuck, just your cock", she screams
Every thrust, I pull all the way out of her sweet cunt, just my head in her hole then fuck her open when I go back in
It feels fucking incredible, my body shaking as I move
Her arms move around my neck, clinging onto me
"Seonghwa don't stop. Please baby, fuck", she cries, taking the pounding I'm giving her
Her clit throbs against my pelvis as I rub it with each stroke into her
"I'm gonna cum! Seonghwa!", she yells, cunt clenching as she creams my cock, so pretty when she cums
I keep moving, feeling so good, fucking her through her orgasm
"Yes Seonghwa, fuck you feel so good oh god", she cries, her pussy keeping a tight hold on me
Switching positions, I put her on her side, lifting one of her legs up, on my shoulder
Leaning on her legs that's still on the bed, I snap my hips back and forth, splitting her cunt wide open
I'm mesmerized by the way her tiny hole opens, her lips sucking my cock back inside her
And when I pull out, the creamy mess she leaves on me
My god, that sight will never get old
"Oh baby", I murmur, "Such a pretty messy"
Sliding my cock back in, I make sure I hit her spot, making her scream
Moving my hand to her clit, I rub as I fuck into her, the pleasure intense
I'm sweating so much, my hair drenched, drops of it falling from my strands to her stomach
"Fuck", she moans
When I look up at her, her eyes are already on me
"Fuck Hwa you're so fucking hot", she moans, "I wanna touch. Please baby"
I can't say no to her
And having her touch me?
Yes please
Pulling out, I sit back when she gets up, getting into my lap
Holding up my dick, she gets on and bottoms me out right away
Her body is immediately pressed against mine, her hands on my back, running up and down, touching everywhere
Her mouth attached to my neck, kissing me everywhere, her tongue licking the sweat from my skin
I shiver having no idea that I liked that
"God Hwa, you're so fucking sexy baby", she murmurs between kisses, fingers dancing across my back, "So fucking strong. So many muscles"
As I take in her words, my own hands start touching her, exploring her body too
Her soft smooth, skin on her back, the curve of her ass, the feel of her hips, the swell of her boobs
God I fucking love touching her
"Fuck Seonghwa, you're every girl's dream guy"
I don't want to be every girl's dream guy
I want to be hers
Only hers
I admit it
I'm falling for her fast
It's both terrifying and amazing
Amazing because she's incredible, she's funny, she's sweet
And because I might have finally found a girl for me
It's also terrifying because I've never felt like this for someone before
And I don't know what to do
What to say
I'm scared I'm going to say or do the wrong thing
And I'm scared she doesn't feel that way for me
That would be the worst
That fear keeps me silent
"Fuck, I love touching you", she murmurs, her hands on my wrists, slowly moving up my arms, her hips starting to rock on my dick
That brings me back to the moment, all thoughts forgotten
Her hips move slowly, circling, grinding on me, my head rubbing her spot, her cunt clenching on me over and over
I keep my hands on her hips, helping her move, the pleasure so fucking good
Her arms move around my neck just as her lips crash into mine, kissing me desperately
Sliding my tongue in her mouth, I kiss her back, pressing my hips up into her, burying myself deeper inside her
Her hands slide in the back of my hair, fingers tangling in the strands, pulling gently as she adds small bounces on my cock in-between her rocking
I moan in her mouth, holding her body tightly against me, her sweat mixing with mine
"Seonghwa", she whimpers between kisses
I know
I feel her
She moves one more time, her orgasm starting, her pussy pulsating so fast, so hard
Ecstasy fills my being, starting my orgasm
"Oh baby", I moan, "Jo"
My lips are back on hers as we both orgasm together, her pussy milking me for all my cum
God it feels fantastic
I keep kissing her, even after it's over, not wanting to be away from her lips
I lay us down, her grip on my body tight as she settles in my arms
When the kiss finally ends, she pulls back, smiling softly at me
I can't help but smile at her
Her hand moves up, pushing some hair out of my face
"So how about you read a classic book with me and explain it so I understand?"
I'm so surprised, I burst out laughing, "Really jagi? You want to do that?"
I don't see why
She's not an English lit major
English lit is actually no where in her major
She nods
"Why?", I ask curiously
"Because you like them Hwa. You see something in them, something beautiful, something worth the time and effort and I wanna see what you see. I wanna know why you love them so much"
I look at her shocked
I'm surprised that she wants to share in something that's....well like my passion
That she even thought about it
And it makes me happy
Like really overjoyed
"Yes jagi. I can do that with you"
She smiles brightly, "Ok. Great"
I nod, "Yeah"
Her brow furrows, "Can you make it a short one to start out with?"
I laugh, "Yeah Jo. Sure"
"Thanks baby"
I nod, getting an idea, "How about we make it a kind of two way thing?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, we could read a classic book and I could watch that vampire show with you. You know, the one you were talking about before you fucked my brains out"
Her face turns an adorable shade of red as she murmurs, "Yeah ok. I'm not sure if your gonna like it though"
That doesn't really matter as long as I spend time with her
Well more time than we already do
I shrug, "Well see. And if I don't, I'm sure we can find something else that you like that we can do"
"Yeah?", she smiles shyly
I nod, "Yeah"
She nods, "Ok"
She lifts her head, kissing me softly
"You know Hwa. I like sleeping", she teases
"Oh yeah", I grin, "I do too"
"Well how about that?", she giggles, "I also happen to like sleeping with you. You know the non sexual way. Well the sexual way too"
Chuckling I say, "How about all the ways?"
She pretends to think about it for a second, then she nods, "Yeah all the ways"
"Me too", I answer, getting the blanket over us as she reaches over and shuts the light off
She comes right back into my arms, snuggling into me and I just melt
I love her
There's no denying it, I'm in love
"Night Hwa", she says, holding onto me tightly
"Night Jo", I answer, kissing her forehead
And I smile to myself as I fall asleep with her in my arms
#just the way you are fic#seonghwa fanfic#park seonghwa fanfic#park seonghwa smut#seonghwa smut#ateez seonghwa smut#ateez fanfic#ateez smut
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Homestuck, page 4,572
[S] Prince of Heart: Rise up.
youtube
song used: Time on My Side by Tensei
song commentary:
Tensei:
With the Strife album, I deliberately left a lot of the background to the songs very ambiguous. There are no direct, obvious references as to what song corresponds to which character, though there are quite a few indications: each song uses an instrument that is typically associated with one of the kids in a pretty prominent way: whether it’s the piano lead in Heir Conditioning, the solo violin in Dance of Thorns, the bass and flute (shakuhachi, actually) in Atomic Bonsai, and of course the sampled beats and scratches in Time on my Side. I suppose the titles count as somewhat vague references to the characters as well.
With that said, I’m still not going to explicitly say “This song is actually a strife theme for Dave” or something like that. If Andrew chooses to interpret it as a good backdrop for a fight between Dirk and Jake, I am totally fine with that. Hell, I can totally see it working (And in fact it DID work, since the flash turned out pretty damn awesome)
I always felt like this song was a bit of the odd man out on the album. While I definitely think Dance of Thorns and Atomic Bonsai were awesome in their own right, they also feel a lot more ‘conventional’ compared to this song.
In a lot of ways, this song is actually very minimalistic. The droning bassline and guitar chugs stay on the same chord for almost a full minute while the buildup is mostly done through sound effects and overlayed orchestral sounds.
IMO, this results in giving the :53 point, where the chords finally start switching up, a much bigger impact (though the full Beatdown motif coming in probably helps too).
Something similar happens at 2:04 where after 30 seconds of the Black motif remaining on the same chord again, you get another switch, and everything just sounds huuuuuuge.
Appropriately to the title, this song has a lot of weird time-shit going on. Disc scratching in and of itself can actually be treated as a nice metaphor for time manipulation (the comic itself definitely makes grateful use of it), so it’s no wonder that it’s almost omnipresent here.
By far the neatest thing, in my opinion, is 2:35 though. The effect you hear there is actually the ENTIRE SONG up until that point, played in reverse, and sped up so it fits in a couple of seconds. The idea is literally that it ‘scratches’ and resets the song, much in the same way as happens to the entire universe in the comic, so it can lay down a wicked wah-guitar solo over the ‘scratched’ version of the song.
So yes, this song travels back in time in order to make itself awesomer.
Joking aside, this song, like most other ones I make, does also have some sneaky hidden references.
The guitar riff at 3:18, for example, is cribbed pretty much note for note from the Metallica song Master of Puppets (maybe this is a Dirk song after all?). The background strings at :37 have a very similar ascending chromatic pattern the intro to the James Bond theme. The high staccato strings at 1:50 are supposed to be reminiscent of the theme from Psycho, or really every slasher flick ever. (Black is associated with Jack Noir, Jack Noir likes to show people his stabs, etc.)
The original inspiration for this song probably comes from the least likely source imaginable. It’s not The Prodigy or Goldeneye 64 music, but actually the original score to the movie Space Jam. You probably don’t even know or remember it, but a lot of the songs have a very distinct looped hiphop beat, guitars, and orchestral stabs all over the place, much like a large portion of this song.
Seriously, listen to this from about 0:50 onward and you should hear the resemblance.
That aside, obviously stuff from The Prodigy’s Fat of the Land album bears some resemblance as well, especially with the cheesy bassline. I know that a few Prodigy songs have been used in the otherwise kinda shitty Charlie’s Angels movies whenever shit was about to go down, and that’s really the kind of vibe I was going for as well.
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A ramble about how the different internal world logic of different Spider-Man universes affects characterization/how much I enjoy the story (featuring ITSV, Raimi, TASM, and NWH)
superhero vs villain stuff is the most basic morality play. There are Good guys and Bad guys and when the Bad guy hits the Good guy, it's bad; but when the Good guy hits the Bad guy it's good. You just have to assign roles and start a fight, and every story is going to draw that line differently.
this doesn't HAVE to be realistic at all and I'd argue it's most fun when it's not trying to be. You don't have to tackle systemic issues in a story about a guy who can scale buldings unless you're certain you have something to say. They can be figurative challenges, I can understand metaphor.
Spider-Verse understood this SO well it makes it visual. Every character exists inside rules that are very real to them even if they're nonsense to someone else there. The physical rules of Spider-Ham's world are non literal (he can fit a hammer in his pocket) as are the moral rules (he can eat a hotdog as a joke). On the other end of the spectrum, Peter B. has back problems, financial issues, just went through a messy divorce... Real Person Problems. The ads in his dimension are also for real life products, while Miles' are all made up. Miles' Peter was "perfect", so we accept that in his dimension there are archetypical heroes—and archetypical villains. They can have simplistic motivations and speak in clichés; don't worry about it. But Miles' Peter died in a very real tragedy, so we know the world rules still take consequences seriously even if the conflict is stylized. The metaphor is made clear with "anyone can wear the mask": anyone, from any world, can draw inspiration from the archetypical hero.
I always have to put in a disclaimer when I'm rambling so I don't sound insufferable: I do get why people's enjoyment hinges on characters. I don't think caring about World Rules is the only like, moral way to enjoy fiction I'm just weird and love dissecting systems. That said, this perspective really wrecks the TASM movies compared to the Raimi movies for me.
Both these movies are (1) live action and (2) create a superhero into a world that doesn't have that archetype yet. So the world has to explain its reasoning for what makes a hero vs a villain before the punching starts. Not just "a villain is a villain because I caught them doing something bad" but "why did they decide to do something bad to start with?"
I really like the Raimi movies' premise, always drawing parallels between the hero and villain as outcasts who gain a large amount of power over others right after a major personal tragedy. This kinda ruins the "sanctity" of the characters but builds a really strong theme. The difference is: when they get a chance to make a choice, do they listen to the voice that wants to make the selfish one, or do they make the kind one? OBVIOUSLY if this was a literal political stance there's a lot wrong with "criminals are criminals bc they choose to be" but the world rules are very intentionally cheesy. The actual criminal justice system is barely a presence because this is a metaphor for you and your ability to help people despite your worst instincts.
The TASM movies on the other hand seem to want to be more serious in science, effects, personality, and dialogue. But then the through-line separating heroes and villains is bioengineered genetics. Booo. That's already weird, but the more seriously I'm told to take it the more I hate it.
Electro is my favorite TASM villain partially because he has more complex motivations. I love TASM Max Dillon but the world rules don't seem to! Garfield would be the superior Peter Parker in a universe that wasn't so dedicated to proving him wrong. Yes, he mouths off to a police officer in his own home. And then the movie has that officer nobly save his life at the climax. Sure, he's just an average guy doing his best. But then the movie explains that this is literally his genetic heritage. Yeah, he tries to talk Electro down. But when the police ruin the moment, it's like it's only for "realism" rather than commentary, and the tragedy of that failure is immediately forgotten. Max and Harry become villains in large part due to abuse by the powers that be, but Peter stops them once they fight back while Oscorp goes unpunished. Systemic injustice is written in as something that creates villains, but the hero is never allowed to meaningfully challenge that injustice, just deal with the mess it creates.
Plus, because Peter is written to be smart, he has to uncritically agree with the genes nonsense. He's probably right that his Parker blood would kill Harry if it got into his cursed Osborn bloodstream. That's just the way the world rules work, forcing him to play by their moral code and make the cruel choice even as a kind character. Hell world. Hell world.
I don't have much to say about the MCU's world rules; I figure they were built for characters who aren't Peter Parker and it shows. NWH is interesting though to compare to ITSV. ITSV didn't have to make its universes play by different rules, but they did. NWH was actually pulling characters from universes with established rules, but that only really comes up in jokes for Spideybros stuff, really.
All the villains are treated in Exactly the Same Way though which raises some major questions. It doesn't mess up the TASM villains too bad to offer them cures since plenty of their problems were medical or systemic, even if it feels totally evil to leave out Harry when his entire arc was around needing a cure he never got. But since the Raimi villains come from a 'verse where their villainy is tied to their choices they're being cured of... the ability to make a choice. Which feels. How do you say. Wack. I honestly don't understand what the MCU thinks the difference is between its heroes and villains. Brand recognition, maybe.
I think the strongest case for TASM's world rules being cruel is that Electro is finally given more respect as a human being when he's handled with the MCU's world rules, while the Raimi villains are given less. Sure Curt is given less respect but I'm going to be honest: I don't think he deserved the respect the TASM movies gave him. He was a eugenicist before the lizard thing and it's anyone's guess if he ever learned a lesson beyond "don't test lizard serums on yourself". Which isn't a terribly generalizable life lesson outside their universe.
There's no real moral to this one, I just have to talk to myself out loud sometimes to avoid going mad. I think world rules are under-discussed in fandom, maybe because imagining characters into different worlds is an ancient fandom pastime. People will get mad at you for being OOC but not OOU (out of universe). Funny, because I don't think you can really separate those things.
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Hi Klaus! How did it feel to learn you are immortal?
Klaus's eyelashes flutter, in the face of a question that chips away so comprehensively at his reason to exist. He inhales, and then hesitates. Green bottle-glass eyes--ironically the mossiest, most verdant, most life-evincing of all colors on earth--grow distant with contemplation. It's the best way he knows how to cope with fear, or rage, or grief: distance. Flight. Numbness.
Eventually, that high, reedy, naturally tremulous voice ventures out audibly.
"...I think....it. Felt bad and good."
A hand--branded in "goodbye"-- travels to his chest. Then the other, branded in "hello." Two poles on the existential plane, but both intimately entwined with who he is, and what he can do. Fingertips rub the now-unblemished place dead center of his chest, where Stan's lance accidentally impaled him. He wanders backward in memory, and visualizes himself in front of that mirror in Obsidian's hotel room. Horrified, awed: smiling.
"Because....I've never really wanted to just be the guy who talks to the dead. And knowing how many times I've been one of them...and it didn't stick...it was good...it meant I'd made mortality my bitch, right? Like wahoo, I found the ultimate cheat code, who could stop me now? I had more value, more...power, than any of my siblings, than my father, ever gave me credit for. But....I didn't really....want...? To make anything or anyone my bitch. I just wanted to feel safe. And. Have room to stretch. Like, metaphorically. I wanted to knit, an' marry my brother and his new girlfriend, an' make friends from enemies, an' be the fun uncle, an' have a reason to be alive that was just mine an' nobody else's, an'....know my own mom well enough that I could be sure I had real value. And maybe be like her someday. I mean, seriously. What contradicts death more than motherhood, after all? I have her eyes. I can start there, yeah....?"
And the moment he knew it, he realizes, wasn't the moment he first learned of his immortality. It wasn't even all the times he got struck by cars, Reginald's latest act of masturbatory empiricism. It wasn't all those times he felt his tissue, bones and muscles and organs rupture, splattered on the unfeeling windshield of some stranger's semi, or Prius, or ice cream truck, or cab. It wasn't even in the cemetery, when he became a radiant human angler fish hook to a thousand ghosts, incinerating them on contact.
No, it was in the White Buffalo Room. It was when he chose to use the very ability that's traumatized him since birth, to defy another person's plan for his existence.
His hands travel a little lower, absently, to that second experience of brutal impalement.
"I died hoisted up on a pike like some kind of crucified agnostic Jesus....watching the universe become Nothing. And I don't mean...like...'hey something used to be here, and we can feel that, like an eulogy fer existence.' I mean NOTHING. I mean like, palpable absence, like never-had-been. Oblivion. Like the name of the place we all went next. I watched that and I knew I had to let Death temporarily define me, so that I could escape it. So that I could have a chance to be....more than friggen' ...Persephone. And. I. Think it was hard to face that I'd found my calling. I didn't even want to resuscitate.
"Cause. I'd finally figured out who I wanted to be, independent of my family an' my addiction an' my self-thwarting downward spiral....and there was nothing to go back to, no life to have. It was all Absent. It seemed so goddamn bitterly unfair. But I got over it pretty fast. So I could help my brother say goodbye to someone. So I could hold the door open and help grief find resolution. Y'know? Like I never got, with Dave. If I lived no matter what, I could make sure no one else ever felt as shitty and alone as me. And that's kinda where I've landed, with all this. That's how I feel, now."
"Prob'ly sounds surprisingly ....cheesy, to you, but. Uh. 'Walk around in my shoes fer a bit,' and all that jazz."
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Ranking my favorite bands (warning: this is like 50% folk rock/indie folk)
The Oh Hellos - the only even vaguely religious music I will listen to. Most of their songs are fairly secular, which is probably why I like them, and the more blatantly religious ones are probably closer to “religious trauma” in terms of lyrical content than “praise Jeebus” (there’s a crapton of Bible references though, but they’re used more for metaphor and imagery than religion). Their music is also very optimistic, which isn’t a very common thing with most of the bands on this list; most of their songs kinda give me the feeling of “even if everything’s going downhill, it’ll still get better in the end”.
Lord Huron - if I heard this out of the blue while I was hiking in the middle of the woods, I would be completely unsurprised. Except for Vide Noir, all of their songs give off pristine “middle of nowhere and there’s weird shit happening” vibes. There’s a supernatural element in like 90% of their songs, ranging from “taking a dimension-hopping acid trip” to “dude comes back from the dead to get revenge on an evil real estate dealer who killed his family”. A lot of their songs (or at least their earlier ones; I’m still listening to Long Lost) also tell stories, which is nice.
Death Cab for Cutie - I’d imagine their music sounds like what it’s like to live in a city where it always rains. It’s somewhere halfway between nostalgic and melancholic; my two favorite songs from Thank You For Today are “Northern Lights”, which is more optimistic, and “Gold Rush”, which is entirely focused on the nostalgia that comes from returning to your home town to find it irreversibly changed. Also, one of my favorite fics got its title from “Amputations”, so I can’t really complain.
Imagine Dragons - while I agree with some people that their first three or so albums are their best, the rest of their music isn’t slouching either (”Wrecked” and “Bones” are probably my two favorites of their new songs, and if you haven’t listened to them, YOU SHOULD). While they’re kind of overrated, that’s more due to their popularity than any flaw with their actual music. Also, Dan Reynolds has one hell of a vocal slide, and I can respect that.
Rise Against - punk is only really my genre sometimes, so I tend to gravitate towards these guys’ music because their lyrics are really good and to the point, sometimes to the extent that it’s downright cheesy (the children’s chorus in “Make It Stop”, anyone?). Not that that’s a bad thing, though; it can actually be really effective, such as the aforementioned “Make It Stop”, where the chorus makes it go from a standard punk rock song to straight-up badass. They’re also more...diverse than most punk bands, I guess, in terms of repertoire; some of their music is more acoustic, and I honestly think those songs are amongst their best because of the contrast they draw between the slow instrumentals and the bitter, harsh lyrics.
The Lumineers - I only recently started getting back into these guys’ music and holy shit they’ve gotten good. I listened to most of Cleopatra and their debut album maybe three years ago and just kinda thought “meh, they’re good but they’re not that good”, but their new(ish) album III is *chef’s kiss*. I’m probably biased on that front though, since I’m a sucker for concept albums. They’re more melancholic than most folk rock bands I listen to and they don’t rely as heavily on electronic instruments, which gives them a more down-to-earth tone than the other two folk rock bands listed so far, but they make the kind of music I’d listen to on the rare rainy days where I live (Arizona sucks ass, man).
#music recs#music recommendations#the oh hellos#lord huron#death cab for cutie#imagine dragons#rise against#the lumineers#what's funny about death cab for cutie is#i only started listening to their music because i thought their name was funny#then i got to kintsugi and i was like 'holy shit'#these guys are actually REALLY good#anyways here's my monthly music ramble
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i was just reading through your blog (gotta stay caught up y'know) and just saw the one ask about how they have steve ideas and wanna talk about the. and how you love talking about steve. i'm not a writer but i aspire to be able to write like you. i kinda have an idea on what i want to do but i just can't seem to make it work or to make myself write. do you have any advice you'd be willing to share? obviously tho don't feel like you need to give out your secrets to writing angelic fics!
thanks for creating a safe space for us all to read these kinda things! it personally always helps me when i have a rough day and i somehow relate to them everytime! 🤍
oh my gosh, this got covered up in my inbox somehow, i'm so sorry for the late response!!
firstly, i wanna say thank you! the fact that someone wants to write the way that i do is honestly something that i've never once thought i would hear, and it warms my heart to know that you enjoy my fics so much!! (also angelic fics??? you're too kind!! <3)
as for the tips, honestly, it's hard to write. it really is. sometimes the words don't flow and sometimes you doubt them and think they aren't that good and you don't feel motivated to post. there are a lot of ways that you can doubt yourself as a writer, and for me, it happens often. i can't give a definitive answer as to how to overcome this other than to just write. i know it sounds cheesy or like bad advice, but if you're stuck, just get it down and move onto the next scene if you need to. or, if you're just starting, then just write freely and try not to judge yourself too much on it, which i know is easier said than done.
some general tips i have are also:
write down your fic ideas if you don't have the time to write them when you think of them. be as specific as you need to. i use my notes app on my phone for this!
if you need prompts or inspiration, use pinterest. i have a board there that has lots of prompts and prompt lists, and tumblr can also be a good source for those!
read. i know it sounds silly, but the more you surround yourself with good writing, the more your writing style develops to take on the forms of those that you read from. if you read something that sounds stunning, or hear a metaphor that you like, write it down and remember it and use it yourself!
don't be afraid of figurative language. a lot of writing styles can almost seem bland because they're very straightforward, and while some people do prefer that kind of style - and that's totally fine! - figurative language totally helps make your style a little more poetic and emotional.
when you feel like you're using a word too much and need a synonym, use wordhippo! it's a website and i use it all the time to help with my writing. it can also help to find antonyms and many other things.
try to really feel and imagine what's happening in your story. put yourself in the perspective of your narrator/pov-holder - what are they feeling? seeing? noticing about those around them? try to capture that as best you can.
this is more of a preference thing, kind of, but don't be afraid to crosspost to other sites! i use both tumblr and ao3 to upload works, and some of my works that flop here do amazing on ao3! sometimes tumblr can completely miss your works and it can be really disheartening, so uploading to another site as well can be a great idea!
try not to worry about word count, and pay more attention to what you want to accomplish with your fic. what story are you trying to tell? how are you trying to make the readers feel? try to think of that as your goals instead of a word count because no matter how short or long your fic is, someone will read it.
most of all, i would say to write things you enjoy! the greatest part of making good fics is that it's things you enjoy; loving your work really does make it stand out. it's really obvious when an author really puts their heart into something. on that same note, write the silly things you want to! write self-indulgent things! whatever you like and want to see, write it! i write to be able to share my passions and things that i would love to see happen in the show with other people, but also for myself! be your own biggest fan, most loyal supporter! i promise that you've got this! (literally don't worry so much about fic quality, about whether it's good enough or not. i've seen some very basic writing styles praised above high heavens here, in other fandoms, on tumblr. don't stress it <3)
hearing you say that our shared space brightens your days and makes you feel welcome makes me truly feel so happy and loved, thank you, sincerely. i'm so happy that we've all got this little corner of the internet to share our thoughts and cheer each other up when we need it, whether we even realize it or not. that is so, so important to me, and thank you all for being here and making this space with me <3 i love you all
finally, i want to say that, if you need help with your writing or need a supporter, or even if you just want to self promote your work, please send me an ask or a dm! i would absolutely love to help you in any way you need it!! i'm always here for you! <33
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Rotterdam 2020 – Semi-Final 2
Host: Netherlands
Slogan: “Open Up”
Participants: 41
Voting method: 12-point system (50/50 system - separated)
Format: 2 Semi-Finals / Grand Final = the top 10 of semi 1 & 2 + the Big 5 + host
General Overview:
Well, there's not much to comment on here! As I said, SF2 is the more open semi this year. There's only 6 countries that I perceive as “safe” qualifiers in this one, which leaves 4 spots that are up in the air. The first half of this semi is kinda weak too.
Having said that, I think the 2020 winner is actually in this group - Iceland, Switzerland, or Bulgaria. Or it's Italy in the Big 5. I just don't see the juries giving Lithuania and Russia enough support to take the crown. Maybe Norway would've been a dark horse though.
Greece: Stefania - Superg!rl
W!th an exclamat!on po!nt! Dream Team instrumentals usually dominate their songs - those quivering, unstable “B-B-B-BR-BRR” bursts are LOUD and overbearing. But they go hard and sound Greek. They're like a supernatural force overtaking you and your surroundings. After the approaching thunder-drum intro, the first one occurs right away (with castanets?) Then the verse minimizes to bass nudges and dull kicks; heightening midway. There's a slam, and the pre-chorus hums alongside light bucket drips, as Stefania's voice now jumps out. Another slam, and the little metal balls dropping accelerate; then a diversion of skipping broken ticks before the “drop” goes OFF with bass throbs. The drop also fills up with lyrics in the second half. Verse 2 quiets to traditional strings. And the bridge escalates via slicing strikes and an intense hum; leading to a big note, a haunting choir chant, horn roars, and one final drop. That bridge is my fave part. The song builds into the drops nicely, and I like the hazy atmosphere. But the comic book character metaphor is kinda cheesy. The lyrics mention Clark Kent's phone booth, a “super car” and X-ray vision. Stefania says girls don't need that stuff to feel powerful and be themselves. The song is about female empowerment (“There's no wonder it takes a woman” is certainly a pun) and finding your passion and identity in the darkness. Stefania also stands up against the detractors. But the message seems unfocused. She also acts as “your supergirl” to help humanity (which she does in the video). The lyrics also sound like they're about a relationship. The “girl/world”; “power/tower” rhymes are filler too.
My prediction: 80% (#19 odds/ #19 scoreboard app). This seems like a pretty safe qualifier. It stands out in a good way, but it's the kinda song that gets 17th-22nd place in the grand final. LIKELY.
Estonia: Uku Suviste - What Love Is
“INEVERIMAGINEDTHEPOWER”... this rapid wordy chorus, where Uku crams too many syllables together, just does not work. I like when the “I neeeever kneeeew” slowdown cuts it off, but it just isn't enough. The song is too bland and dull. It begins with Uku taking a breath, then the first verse is a piano ballad, with this alien spaceship sound upon “beautiful surprises”. It has a night sky vibe. There's a heavy thud and an eerie wind, then the chorus initially holds back, with tickles and patters. Then, after a heartbeat thump, Uku's voice rises and the percussion forcefully stomp-splashes, creating a quiet/loud contrast. The post-chorus then adds strings. Verse 2 is less tense with sharper drums, until the pre-chorus. The second chorus jumps right into it. And the bridge copies the chorus lyrics, while the vocals and production reduce to a steam leak. But nothing about this production is that special. The lyrics are sappy too. Uku remarks on how mysterious and surprising life is. That he never understood his old self. And that his aspirations in life weren't about finding a partner. Then he lists a bunch of examples of how you don't know something until you experience it. He was unaware of the power and necessity of love until now. It's a bit cringe how Uku takes his epiphany SO seriously; like this awakening was SO important. The dramatic production doesn't help with that either. This is the kind of song where I'm just waiting for it to be over. The Eesti Laul staging was boring too.
My prediction: 10% (#38 odds/ #38 scoreboard app). The least likely qualifier of SF2 imo. The song is a forgettable nothing-burger, and it was given the worst running order spot. NO CHANCE.
Austria: Vincent Bueno - Alive
Austria are in their jury bait era. “Alive” is just too calculated and soulless for me. It's like the songwriters wanted to show off their polished technical craft, but in doing so, I cannot connect to the song. Vincent's Justin Timberlake tribute leaves me feeling cold too. And the intro is kinda pretentious. It spreads a message of freeing yourself from shackled thrones, and how we're all heroes behind our egos. While the piano is like elevator music, with brief subtle strings and echoes of “screaming”, which puts focus on Vincent's vocal flexing. The way he yells “SHACKLE BOLTS” annoys me. Weirdly, the rest of the lyrics are basic. He repeatedly says this person makes him feel alive again... and that's about it. He doesn't need much to ignite his mood, so prepare for “fire shots”. After that intro shuts down, the murky bass emerges, the computerized claps accelerate, there's a windy whoosh, and the funky bass-line takes over, briefly pulling the brakes on “hey!” The post-chorus adds showering synths as the melody fills out, ending on a crackle. Verse 2 maintains the momentum (and adds door knocks) until a synth blare; then the pre-chorus drops down and builds back up. The bridge emphasizes the bass-line, where Vincent whispers. And the song abruptly returns to the intro at the end, where the monarch is overthrown. The production is filled with quirky sounds. I like the funky bass and the “you make me feel like... oh oh oh” build-ups, but the “alive again x2” hook is annoying. The song has a self-confident vibe though.
My prediction: 50% (#31 odds/ #26 scoreboard app). I could see the juries pushing Austria through... and then they would receive <10 televote points in the grand final. “Amen” was only 11th with the juries, but “Alive” is more dynamic. The upbeat songs have an advantage in SF2 as well. It's very borderline though. BORDERLINE IN.
Moldova: Natalia Gordienko - Prison
The studio version is better. Natalia needs a more powerful live vocal, since Dream Team productions are so dominant. She also awkwardly walks around some LED chairs and copies “Bulletproof”. The song opens with a dramatic slam, while a whistling flute alternates sides. Then the verse piano tickles, with a couple snowy echoes. Another slam and the bass hums, ending on a windy gasp. Another slam and the pre-chorus jumps out; intensifying midway after a rattle. Then the dark bubbling synth takes over, with plenty of chain clangs and electrical scatters. This chorus sounds like a large, dark, echoing prison. The whole “I don't want to be with/without you” repetition feels empty though. The chorus heightens upon the “PRISON!” yelp, where the flute returns. There's a breather afterwards. The synths arrive earlier the second time. The bridge is a bunch of screams appearing one at a time. And the production goes crazy at the end. It's a very entrapping atmosphere. The louder parts represent Natalia losing her mind, and the lyrics showcase her indecisiveness in wanting this person. There's a lot of “I don't want to...”s, and repeating lines with extra words. That “IdontwannaFEEL... you” melody also channels “Hijo de la luna”. She doesn't want to fight “inside”. She's trapped by the memories. She wishes for solitary confinement. The relationship feels like a prison. She doesn't want to be needy or desperate. These lyrics lack depth and Natalia's emotion seems unconvincing. The production is epic, but this sound only exists in K*rkorov's head; much like Russia 2014 & 2016.
My prediction: 25% (#33 odds/ #40 scoreboard app). Very poor fan reception, but Moldova are known for staging glow-ups, and Kontopoulos & K*rkorov have only NQ'ed once (Azerbaijan 2018). Still, I just don't see it happening with that NF performance. “Sugar”'s placing surprised me, but that had meme potential. UNLIKELY.
San Marino: Senhit - Freaky!
Yeah... Senhit had the biggest upgrade in 2021. “Freaky!” cranks the camp factor up to an 11. I mean, she sells it, and it's a high energy upbeat song. But the chorus is annoying, particularly the “FREAKY! FREAKY! FREAKY!” group chants, with the percussion slaps. The song sounds tacky and cheap. And it's another dated disco instrumental from San Marino. The humming intro is like a pretty sunrise. The tiny guitar pings, “body” echoes, and finger snaps continue this peaceful vibe. I like how the opening verse melody hangs on – it's different from the rest of the song. Then, a helicopter flutters by, and the drums and funky bass take over, with some brake screeches. The chorus adds disco strings and synth vomits. Then the intro verse returns. Then it's the chorus again. And the bridge is a disco instrumental break, leading to a group chant moment, and a power down effect. The backing singers sound like they're at a party. But the second half of the song keeps repeating the same 3 stanzas, as if they ran out of ideas. And Senhit sings the “freaky”s and “And life goes by...” with a mocking tone. In the lyrics, she's smitten. Her whole body feels a sensation from this person's touch. The couple are into PDA's, and people call them “freaky”, and think she's pretending to like it (does “freaky” imply public sex?) But they don't care. They like being freaky! They'll break the rules! Life is too short! The song has a 'free yourself and party' kinda vibe. But the more I listen to it, the more annoying and empty it is.
My prediction: 10% (#37 odds/ #41 scoreboard app). Very poor fan reception. The song is too kitschy and dated, and San Marino struggles to qualify most years anyways. This is a contender for last place in the semi. The staging would have to be incredible to save it. NO CHANCE.
Czech Republic: Benny Cristo - Kemama
I love that Czechia chose an Afro-beats song. It's not a genre you often hear in Eurovision. But “Kemama” isn't very catchy, is it? The “I wasn't always like that / I wasn't born like that...” build-up is great (with the sliced-up bangs afterwards), but it builds to nothing. The chorus is flat. It's a 'chill vibes only' kinda song though. It opens with a summery guitar and dull synth drips, as Benny lists the producer tags. Then (a subdued version of) the chorus starts things off, with restless taps, little guitar twiddles, and bead shaker swipes. Things intensify with Benny's raised voice and the claps. Then the pre-chorus synths stop/start to build hype. And the new chorus percussion skips along. The second verse/chorus are elevated by horns. The bridge is a foot-dance drum breakdown, then he shouts the last chorus transition. And a wild outdoor drum commotion finishes things off. There's a lot going on in this instrumental, but it's never too much. The lyrics involve Benny and his mother reversing roles - he's now giving her advice. He reassures her he'll be okay. She needn't worry what others say about him. He's become independent with a big heart. He refutes the idea he's “lost his way” - no, he's sure of himself. He'll prove them wrong. He asserts he worked 24/7 to get here. He was bullied as a child, but was resilient thanks to his mother's advice. And now he just wants to dance and enjoy life – there's no need for fighting and prejudice. I like the message at least. I just wish it stood out more.
My prediction: 35% (#26 odds/ #34 scoreboard app). This sounds like nothing else in the contest, so it could be a shock Q. His Vidbir 2020 performance of “Kemama” was much better than whatever that trainwreck was in Eurovision 2021. But I don't think it's catchy enough to Q. UNLIKELY.
Serbia: Hurricane - Hasta la vista
This is fun and catchy but it's kinda monotonous. I love the fierce attitude though. The narrator leaves her cheating partner by throwing that Arnold quote in his face! She takes control and decides when it's over: “1, 2, 3 and it's the end! Your time is up!”; “Take it or leave it!”. She blames him for her insomnia. They don't even talk to each other. He can't handle her 'craziness'. And she says he made the wrong choice. “Oh, well, sorry you didn't like me”! Hurricane expresses 0 regrets or doubts here. He blew his chances and they refuse to compromise - it's not “vanity”, it's self-respect. The song has a 'I'm so much better off now' vibe. The instrumental paints the image of the trio fleeing on motorbikes. Maybe he was cheating with all 3 lol. The intro sounds like a vibrating tailpipe that cuts off. Then the Blackpink horns and claps hype things up, as the song swirls up and down. Then, after some glitchy beeps, the trap-y verses kick, buzz, roar and glitch. The pre-chorus switches to a clappy build-up, ending on a deep vocal distortion. Then the chorus speeds/bounces forward with drum rattles; pulling back for catchy stutter responses. The verses also have responses. The post-chorus is like the pre-verse. Verse #2 completely stops twice for submerged vocal bits. And the bridge is a bigger clappy build-up, but it doesn't build to anything new. In Beovizija, Hurricane have great stage presence. That version adds army boot stomps, while the LED keeps displaying “HURRICANE”, and shows an army of women at the end.
My prediction: 75% (#23 odds/ #20 scoreboard app). This is basically the same song as “Loco Loco” so I expect the same result. It's catchy and they had a solid live performance in 2021. Plus, Serbia sounds like a step-up after the last few songs in the running order. LIKELY.
Poland: Alicja - Empires
This sounds like a James Bond theme, and I mean that as a positive. The violin intro paints the image of Alicja standing in the ruins after her city burned down. It sets a mournful mood with the somber piano. There's a light thump, then the orchestral strings flicker on/off and tip-toe. The pre-chorus quickly increases the volume. Then the drums take over the chorus, with idle strings, changing the mood into feeling powerless watching this tragedy unfold; until it falls into a thud on “rise and fall”. Verse 2 adds waddling footsteps. The next chorus has a dramatic jittery start. The bridge quiets to piano and cello. The piano slows to a stop before the final chorus. And Alicja ends on a huge scream. The song is about climate change (as seen in the video), and how the world's empires are close to crumbling down. Every empire in history fell at some point. We're not immune. Alicja remarks that it happens so easily and asks if it's our fault. She feels guilty for staying in an escapist reality. She says we hope for change but we don't do it. And she cries “We just want it all”! There's also several idioms: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” (we'll be a part of Earth again someday), “Fool's gold” (our possessions have fake value), “Moths to a flame” (we're addicted to harmful stuff). Maybe it's preachy in saying our lifestyles will lead to destruction, but Alicja sings with genuine concern. I also like her distinct vocal and the song's dire atmosphere. The NF performance looks like karaoke night with the scrolling lyrics.
My prediction: 50% (#20 odds/ #23 scoreboard app). Poland is usually a televote-friendly country, and this is a jury-friendly song, so... win/win? SF2 is more ballad-heavy, but I think her voice makes this one stand out. Although this would probably flop in the grand final. That NF staging needs improvement too. BORDERLINE IN.
Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið - Think About Things
“Baybay... I. Can't. Wait. To. Know.” No, he's talking to an actual baby (his newborn daughter.) Dadi is curious to know what she's thinking about, since he can't understand her yet. He promises to always be there, so she can tell him anytime! He wonders if she loves him back. And he says they're bonded forever, despite her essentially being a stranger. Dadi acts like babies can comprehend parental relationships. But I read these lyrics as sweet and not weird. Babies are an unknown, so it's natural to wonder who they'll grow up to be. The song itself has a nostalgic sound and a relaxing family time mood. It remains low-key the entire time, but still reaches a climax. Dadi's unusual vocal style and the harmonies are hypnotic too. There's a drowsy intro, with the mircowave-y vapor puffs and minimalist vocals, while this antsy wiggly thing grows. Then the synth 'pow's, the moving bass taps, the stationary foot taps, the backing “ah uh ah uh...”, and a quick drum 'ta-t-ta' get things moving (in that order). The verses move to a funky guitar and snaps. Then, after a double slap, the droopy chorus follows a bass guitar groove, as the snaps return midway. An excited horn break follows this, ending on a rolling drum. The next pre-chorus drops down. Chorus #2 is fuller. And the bridge horns anticipate the climactic final “BAAAABBY”. Those “BABY!” hooks are great. The Söngvakeppnin staging definitely stands out - the green pajamas, the pixelated faces, the strange instruments, the sideways struts, the face turns. This is a quirky entry, but a charming and polished one. And the song's groove/rhythm is very interesting and unique.
My prediction: 99% (#4 odds/ #3 scoreboard app). Probably the SF2/grand final televote winner as well. The juries had Iceland pretty high in 2021, so yeah, I think this would've been the Eurovision 2020 winner. LOCKED.
Switzerland: Gjon's Tears - Répondez-moi
I initially found this boring. But it captures a feeling of existential dread really well. It's a relatable message in today's world. In the lyrics, Gjon asks life's unanswerable questions. He starts small with why does rain exist? But soon turns serious with why does death exist? He also mentions being separated from his family, and feeling like a stranger in his new and old homes (his parents are from Albania and Kosovo). He later asks why do we keep running? Why do we pray differently? And why future generations are screwed. In the chorus, Gjon is tired of guessing and begs for answers – and no BS ones. But there's no resolution; we're all stuck guessing forever. The verses repeat every question, showing how unrelenting they are. He doesn't beat around the bush either. The song moves very slowly and it has a very serious tone. But Gjon's vulnerability makes it work. He projects sadness really well. And it's a very personal song. The intro is this vibrating hum that lingers for a bit, like white noise. The first verse continues this uneasy silence, only adding tiny guitar pings, and a piano midway. While the chorus inserts strings, “ah uh AHHH...” hooks, and ends on a falsetto scream. The percussion waits until verse 2 to arrive, where the echoing snaps and stomps convey painful frustration. Chorus #2 adds a bleak soldier-marching snare and echoing strikes. And the bridge falls into silence before Gjon screams over the last chorus – I love this climax. His vocals are great too. I can really feel the emotion in this.
My prediction: 99% (#3 odds/ #2 scoreboard app). And this is probably the SF2/grand final jury winner. I mean, Gjon did just that in 2021. Plus, if he can communicate the message through the staging, this will have televote appeal. But will we get two sadboy ballad Eurovision winners in a row? LOCKED.
Denmark: Ben and Tan - Yes
This is so aggressively catchy. Depending on my mood, “Yes” is either a banger or it's annoying AF. The chorus is a super potent singalong that's impossible to ignore - every single word of it pops out. It's also excessively upbeat. So, Denmark takes us back to the mid-2010s folk-pop trend. The song starts with acoustic guitar slaps and a stomp-along beat, while Ben & Tan trade leads. The verse winds down upon “give life one more chance”. Then, after a “HEY!” shout, the chorus heightens and occupies the entire surroundings. This part conveys how overwhelmingly strong their feelings are. There's fluttering claps, more stomps, emphatic “SAY YES! SAY YES! SAY YES!” releasing shouts that echo across the arena, and an “ooooh” post-chorus that sounds like bagpipes. Verse 2 introduces the violent strikes (that hit the ground full force from excitement), which reappear later on. The bridge reduces to minimal guitar, before one last “ooooh” creates an epic build into the final chorus - I like that pause when it hits. And the song ends on a softer moment. The lyrics are straightforward. It's about them giving love (or life?) another chance despite what they're dealing with. Tan felt bitter, sad, and lonely because she would've died for her ex. While Ben was controlled by fear and didn't think he could be happy while sober. But everything's changed now they've found each other! The archery lyric goes with the folk song imagery too. In the audience-less DMGP final, the LED flashes “YES”, while Ben & Tan have strategic stage positioning.
My prediction: 85% (#15 odds/ #17 scoreboard app). This is WAAAY too catchy and polished to not make it, and their DMGP performance was pretty solid. Juries love catchy radio pop as well. I predict top 15 in the final. LOCKED.
Albania: Arilena Ara - Fall from the Sky
I don't mind if Albania keeps sending female ballads. Arilena's powerful voice really elevates this one, even if the cliché wings metaphor weakens the chorus a bit. She makes that chorus impactful regardless, with the “SKY-Y-Y-Y-UH-Y” cries and “HOLD BACK... MY WINGS...” pauses. She sings with SO much conviction, like she's fighting for her life. I can hear her suffering. And she sounds like Katy Perry lol. Her voice also dominates over the instrumental. Which makes sense, since Arilena is regaining her autonomy from an abusive partner. She hides all the pain they caused, in order to deny them the satisfaction that the absue “worked”. They made her doubt her faith. They lied. They controlled her. But she's resilient! I love when Arilena switches to anger in the bridge - it shows she's no longer afraid. The Albanian version is much darker, where murder seems like the only escape. But the revamped instrumental is more dramatic and... harsh I guess? There's a sharp, ice cold piano intro that slows down. Then, after a rumble, the piano dejectedly softens, before picking itself up. There's a cymbal crash, the chorus strings weep, and the drums and metallic echoes summon strength within. Verse 2 adds a woodblock, and skip-splashes at the end. The bridge breaks free. Then the tension builds with strings and drum bangs, until it breaks upon “FLYYYYY”. The icy piano returns, there's a loud strike, the drums/strings resume, and she literally “screams inside” in a big note. That last chorus transition is so good. Finally, the song crashes down and the outro goes a cappella.
My prediction: 60% (#28 odds/ #18 scoreboard app). This probably would've placed... 17th in the grand final. Albania's female ballads are usually borderline qualifiers, but Arilena's vocals and the big dramatic chorus should be enough. BORDERLINE IN.
Finland: Aksel - Looking Back
Last year, Finland said “Look Away”, this year they're “Looking Back”! This one is a personal, heartfelt ballad, where Aksel provides a comforting, sentimental vocal. The lyrics are relatable too. It's about the uneasiness of growing up, and how we don't appreciate our youth until it's over... and then we're nostalgic for it. We're too fixated on achieving a dream job (the “high life”) or on current woes (the “low lights”). Aksel also reminisces over his youth – sharing dreams with friends; the impatience to turn 18; being naive, clueless and confused about stuff; going to parties; acting carelessly. These memories give him comfort. Indeed, the song has a 'don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened' kinda vibe. There's a chilly wind intro, then the first verse is a calm piano ballad, as the autumn winds reappear. A shimmer starts the chorus, where the “HIIIIGH LIFE”/ “LOOOW LIGHTS” shouts hang off a cliff, and the following line relaxes. It isn't the catchiest chorus ever, but it's fine. Verse 2 introduces the dense, stuttering kicks (like a dribbling basketball); which turn splashy in the next pre-chorus. Chorus 2 is fuller and maintains the kicks. But there's no bridge, and that chorus is repeated for a full minute, where nothing changes. I wish there was more *to* this song. The outro reduces to little guitar echoes. Aksel's UMK performance seems heartfelt. The LED shows moving dashes, red lights (to match that lyric), and chalk drawings of kids hanging out and dating.
My prediction: 45% (#27 odds/ #33 scoreboard app). This could be a shock qualifier because of the the juries, but I'm not convinced the televote would go for this. There's so many ballads in the second half, and I don't see this surpassing Poland or Albania. BORDERLINE OUT.
Armenia: Athena Manoukian - Chains on You
Eurovision mostly avoids trap music, so this is refreshing. Athena's confident attitude, her flow (“I start it, I make it...”), her “yuh yuh yuh”s, the slurred auto-tuned “diamonds on you”, the “chains on chains on you” mumbles, and the background “woo”s and breathing are what trap needs. She can't sound stiff. Plus the production constantly adds or removes layers at the right moments. It's never overdone or messy. The most prominent layer is the steel drum loop. It starts in the intro and moves ominously in single steps. There's a creepy finger-fidget descent, then the scraping trap beat arrives, with broken metal rattles added in next. The pre-chorus bass bubbles, with a gunshot midway, then the rattles return. The next part switches to claps, bass pulls, and alarm roars. The music stops on the unclear words, then the chorus resumes the first beat. The 2nd verse adds a rapid 'eh-eh-eh' thing. Then the beat minimizes to introduce the frosty warnings. The next clappy part removes the bass midway. The bridge is a bunch of dramatic bangs and muffled “hurt me”s. And the outro electrifies. It's a dark and dangerous, bass-heavy instrumental. It paints the image of meeting up in a sketchy place at night. In the song, Athena knows her admirer has naughty intentions. But she's in control and sets the terms – he must accept she's independent and ambitious. She doesn't care if he leaves. The diamonds are a metaphor for self-worth, since they only shine on her. He assumes she's not interested, but Athena turns seductive in the clappy parts, using “boy” lures and “hurt me!”s. She'll put him in chains too! How kinky. She shows 0 nerves sitting next to him either. The national final had poor sound quality, but there's male dancers and a throne.
My prediction: 60% (#22 odds/ #15 scoreboard app). I think this would've been the “Hvala, ne!” of 2020. It would benefit from the second half having so many ballads, and it sounds modern. It's a polarizing genre, but that might actually help it stand out. It probably wouldn't do much in the grand final though. BORDERLINE IN.
Portugal: Elisa - Medo de sentir
This might be the most forgettable entry of 2020. The rising “eeeEEEE” hooks stand out, but the melody is weak and it's a generic FDC ballad. The song is just boring to me. Elisa's delivery seems heartfelt though. She's afraid to love again because of previous failed relationships. She rejects anyone who invites her in. Their gestures make her nervous. Their “I love you”s sound fake, and she doesn't believe they'll stay. Her loneliness won't stop. But she wasn't always putting her guard up. In the bridge, she ultimately asks if they'll wait for her, meaning she hasn't given up. I get the sense she wants to change. The song opens with a “da-DA-da-DA-dun” piano sequence, and it remains a depressed piano ballad for the first verse, while Elisa gives a gentle and vulnerable vocal. The verse ends with a “tah-ha ha-ha” and an “mm-hmm”. Then the chorus introduces the foot thuds, as the piano becomes louder. The instrumental stops midway, then a subtle woodblock appears. Verse #2 adds the strings. Chorus #2 adds the triple drum bangs. Then the pace finally picks up in the bridge, where the drums roam free. This leads to a big note climax, as the piano/drum bangs escalate - it's the moment when Elisa has had enough. The song goes silent afterwards, until the slices appear. And the last chorus has thunderous drums. But this instrumental isn't the most interesting. And the song isn't noticeable enough. Elisa gives an emotional performance in FDC. She sings to the pianist at one point.
My prediction: 20% (#36 odds/ #32 scoreboard app). I think this is too forgettable to qualify, and the other ballads in SF2 have more going for them. UNLIKELY.
Georgia: Tornike Kipiani - Take Me as I Am
This just isn't my thing. Tornike's screaming is grating (especially the long notes and the “ME” and “GERMAN” growls). The song is excruciatingly slow. The instrumental feels like I'm drowning in quicksand. And the lyrics call out anti-Georgian xenophobia by... listing stereotypes of other countries. So basically, Tornike is whining about Europe not loving Georgia's Eurovision entries. He's discouraged from being himself, and expected to assimilate to western culture. But he'd rather be authentic, and loved for that. The lyrics only mention the Big 5 countries, so I guess he's mad they get a free pass, while Georgia NQs. In the chorus, the female backing says “I love you” in those 5 languages to give him validation. I get Tornike's point, but it comes across like he's guilt-tripping us into sympathizing with him. As for the production, the intro guitar is like static electricity scattering. Then the verse starts restrained, with deep guitar, deep vocals, and buzzing bass; like we're deep underground. But once the song shifts, his voice changes, and the intense background is overwhelming AF - it's like standing next to a vacuum cleaner. It's just a stationary wall of noise. The percussion kicks, echoes and bone-cracks also move slowly. The chorus doesn't offer any variation, and the long “youuuu”s and “aaaaam”s drag on. Verse 2 thankfully pauses the vacuum, if only briefly, for some subtler sounds. Chorus 2 adds the orchestra. And the song ends with a horn and a cymbal.
My prediction: 45% (#14 odds/ #27 scoreboard app). This is the hardest one to predict. People will either love it or hate it. But Georgia's other left-field entries didn't qualify (like 2012, 2014, 2019, and 2022) and I think the juries would tank this too. BORDERLINE OUT.
Bulgaria: Victoria - Tears Getting Sober
Billie Eilish's influence didn't take long to reach Eurovision. Victoria uses a similar minimalist vocal style, and the backing “mHmHm”s mimic Billie's vocal layering. But this combination creates a cool texture regardless. “TGS” opens with those ghostly hums alternating sides; followed by an icy 'ding... ding... ↓wind down↓'. Then Victoria's voice and the bare piano are very intimate and personal. The humming returns for the chorus, with some “i-uh-i-uh-i” hooks, but it's still pretty bare. Verse 2 adds a tiny harp(?) that ticks like a clock. The new pre-chorus has a backing wail. The next chorus adds the strings, pausing for an “mHmHm” midway. And the bridge recoils into this quivering thing. But then... the strings grow (thru the “GROOOW” climax) and fall down, the horns rise back up, and that final chorus gives me the chills. Victoria's voice and the orchestra breathtakingly soar, with a midway rise-up. The song quiets upon “scar”; ending with a clarinet(?) and one last hum. “TGS” is a modernized version of the grand, sophisticated ballads of the past. It does a good job of holding back patiently until the climax. In the lyrics, Victoria sarcastically says “great!” - her mental health is affecting her 10 times a day. She knows she has to let go of the pain and the burden. She'll move on in time, but the scar leaves a mark. There's a couple of unusual phrases, like “sugar in my wounds” instead of salt, implying they're sweet lies. Plus the song title – I guess “sober” means “dry”. And the dirt metaphor comparing her to a plant. Later in the song, Victoria is amazed by her growth. It's her first time trying too! And the grandiose finale symbolizes her transformation.
My prediction: 99% (#1 odds/ #4 scoreboard app). It's one of the 6 winner contenders of 2020, and this would do really well with juries. The Billie Eilish vibes might appeal to the televoters too, since that makes it modern. She could just sit on a bench like the music video, and I think it would work. LOCKED.
Latvia: Samanta Tīna - Still Breathing
WTF is this drop? It sounds like an elephant struggling to sneeze; with glass shatters thrown in. It's so rigid and it keeps getting blocked off in an unsatisfying way. Which is a shame, because I like the rest of the song. It has a good message - as long as you're still alive, it's not too late to grow or change. The recurring, circling, distant chants of “I will keep on going / I will keep on running...” are a mantra to motive yourself, believe in yourself, and control your destiny. The chants sound resolute and ominous; like they're coming from a poorly lit, abandoned gym. The song opens and closes with them. The intro also leaks steam midway, followed by irregular clock ticks. Then the kick-clap trap beat takes over, while ejecting several blares. The verses swing in midair, and the trap beat remains in the later chants. There's another leak, then the popping squeaks and the backing responses anticipate the drop. Verse 2 reduces to those squeaks before the beat returns. Samanta raps over the second drop. There's a breather before building to the third. And the song ends on a 'DO-DO-DO-DO'. So, Samanta felt like giving up and staying in bed. Her life was going nowhere. But she's not looking back anymore. Now she pushes herself to improve everyday. The build-up into the drop signals her growing strength. And the rap section mentions her ambition and self-love. There's also that “Life is music/I am a composer” lyric lol. In Supernova, the 3 backing singers wore face shields and used spray bottles... it was 2020 after all. The flashing lights are overwhelming though.
My prediction: 40% (#35 odds/ #21 scoreboard app). I think this is just too experimental for Eurovision. That “drop” might instantly turn some people off, particularly the juries. Also, “The Moon Is Rising” was last place in the semi, and Latvia has one of the worst qualification records. And I can't see BOTH Armenia and Latvia qualifying. But... it does stand out, so BORDERLINE OUT.
Predictions recap...
Locked: Iceland, Switzerland, Bulgaria, Denmark
Likely: Greece, Serbia
Borderline in: Armenia, Albania, Austria, Poland
Borderline out: Georgia, Finland, Latvia
Unlikely: Czechia, Moldova, Portugal
No chance: Estonia, San Marino
SF2 Winner: Iceland
Jury winner: Switzerland or Bulgaria
Televote winner: Iceland
Last place: San Marino
My Ranking:
01. Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið - Think About Things
02. Bulgaria: Victoria - Tears Getting Sober
03. Armenia: Athena Manoukian - Chains on You
04. Switzerland: Gjon's Tears - Répondez-moi
05. Poland: Alicja - Empires
06. Albania: Arilena Ara - Fall from the Sky
07. Serbia: Hurricane - Hasta la vista
08. Latvia: Samanta Tīna - Still Breathing
09. Finland: Aksel - Looking Back
10. Denmark: Ben and Tan - Yes
11. Czech Republic: Benny Cristo - Kemama
12. Moldova: Natalia Gordienko - Prison
13. Greece: Stefania - Superg!rl
14. Portugal: Elisa - Medo de sentir
15. San Marino: Senhit - Freaky!
16. Austria: Vincent Bueno - Alive
17. Estonia: Uku Suviste - What Love Is
18. Georgia: Tornike Kipiani - Take Me as I Am
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clarkesworld #205
possibly just about a couch by suzanne palmer: take a journey from the dawn of the universe to the heat death of our solar system and beyond through the context of a primordial, indestructible red sofa. this was an interesting little story, with a wordy writing style i really like for doing that thing where some portions are written vaguely and distantly, never touching on much in great detail, and other portions zoom in seemingly at random to describe and focus on singular, random beings and their time spent with the couch. the couch holds memories of everything but doesn’t think anything of it all because, after all, it’s just a couch. the writing feels sincere but not cheesy, with a fun circular ending. it’s abstract and doesn’t seem to care whether or not you choose to interpret it all as a metaphor. enjoyed it :)
the blaumilch by lavie tidhar: a citizen of a small town on mars struggles with his lack of purpose, until he meets an odd, canal-digging individual who changes his perspective. this was a fine story; i didn’t dislike any part of it aside from a few small tense-changes that i found strange. it definitely wasn’t bad but didn’t blow me away in any sense of the word, either. i did think the themes of purpose and identity and doing things you enjoy were fairly interesting!
down to the root by lisa papademetriou: cute little story about rebirth and the nature of death and rebirth. idk, i personally kinda felt like the ending betrayed the character’s wishes of not being reborn after his death? but that’s ok ig. this one was fine as well. not bad, not amazing. didn’t love it but didn’t hate it. an interesting plot idea and generally well written so i can’t complain much but it didn’t really grip my attention either
such is my idea of happiness by david goodman: a story about the way capitalist grind culture will consume everything necessary for a person to live a decent life, including the chance to rest and recuperate. this was a good one! not amazing, but the writing style was enjoyable to read, the characters were sympathetic, and i love a good anticapitalist message. andrew just wants to get some sleep 😔
de profundis, a space love letter by bella han: i didn’t like this one. it’s hard for me to express exactly why without just coming across as a hater, but it felt extremely shallow and fake deep to me (and those are things i generally will go out of my way to not describe art as). it seems to be about a spacefaring traveller in the distant future who finds a “mausoleum of poetry”, in which he quickly becomes addicted to reading real, actual novels (that have slightly radioactive ink, so they’re slowly killing him all the while) instead of the slush produced by machines (sound relevant?). i’m not entirely sure how to feel about the obvious anti-ai art stance because frankly i’m not well versed enough in that whole world to have a solid opinion, but my problems mostly lie with the fact that it leans into the “machine-produced stories don’t have the SOUL that this human-made work does” argument rather than any interesting commentary on workers’ rights or art theft and the like. the writing style was difficult to parse in my opinion and the characters weren’t interesting in the slightest, but mostly the entire thing felt too saccharine while trying very, very hard to be ~profound~.
post hacking for the uninitiated by grace chan: this one was good! the characters were interesting and it held my attention all the way through. the writing style was really immersive and visceral, and is great at making you feel like you really understand what the main character is going through even though it’s something you’ve probably never experienced yourself—unless, of course, you’ve had your semisynthetic mind hacked and all your primary functions slowly stripped away from yourself by a mental invader. i would say this is one of the two strongest stories in this collection, up there with the couch one.
rafi by amal singh: in a tightly controlled dystopia where mechas pulverize civilians’ homes and streets in response to contraband or dissent, rebellion is sparked by a cactus-human creature raised in secret, who sings forbidden songs and wants to be allowed outside. i didn’t dislike this! the writing style felt a tad bit surface level, and stories about rebellion against dystopian governments are hardly unique, but the characters were enjoyable to read about, especially rafi itself. i’m not immune to a story about music as a moving force that can bring people together, and the plot about a woman raising something inhuman that seems to exist largely to set them free is a bit vague but still touching. this was a solid, not half bad story that i’m not going to complain too much about.
you can read clarkesworld #205 for free online or purchase this issue here
#bookblr#reading#clarkesworld#short story review#literary magazine#sci fi#science fiction#long post#avireviews
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''The Fault in our Stars'' by John Green
🌻
Gnome-Review that barely scratches the surface because I don't have much to say (nothing new on this blog LMAO).
The Fault In Our Stars gets an 8 on the Josh-Index for getting my hopes up and then kicking me in the balls. Metaphorically.
The book is about cancer, and it's not super-cliché or anything. Sure, chronically ill girl falls for chronically ill edgy boy. This story did it nicely somehow.
Hazel Grace is cynical, she's rude, she's funny, she's kinda sweet and she seems like she smells like daisies. Hazel Grace is seriously depressed because her cancer makes her feel like a burden, and Hazel Grace loves reading and has barely any friends (we're so different fosho). Well, one day in a self-help group she meets this August guy and holy muffins, he's hot. Sexuality is fluid and August makes me want to kiss him on his lips. I'm not gonna spoil the plot here, because it's actually worth reading, but I feel like mentioning that the book ends horribly. It guts you and it spits on you. No happy endings, all loose endings. Everyone who used to be happy is either dead, blind, drunk and/or grieving. My friends have read it, they all told me “Noo why are you reading TFOIS you’re gonna cry :(” because people seem to hate the ending, but it really didn’t bother me all that much. I’m just dramatizing it for my easily-invested audience.
Aside from the okay-written ending, I like the way the story explores what social isolation does to a person, how it writes love. That's really my favourite part about TFIOS. How it writes a love story out of a girl's perspective is pretty good even though that's the only type of book that I avoid STRICTLY. The narration in here isn't gross-out cheesy or overly obsessive, it genuinely shows her romantic appreciation for August, and she acknowledges his flaws, and she's relaxed with it, and has other interests and stuff outside of her relationship with beautiful smug sexy August, who is everything I strive to be. It does the "cute girly romance story" without making me want to rip my skin off. Props to the author for that.
TFIOS has a solid 8 on the Josh-Index, and I'd like to add, as a footnote, that I read it in the beginning of the school year because I saw it in a shop window and it reminded me of my middle school classmate whom I was friends with who used to sit alone on the stairs at break reading TFOIS as I watched them from across the hallway. Sounds creepier than it sounds. We were cool, and they liked Kaczynski before he was commonly accepted as based and redpilled. I haven't heard from them in three years but I'm fine with that. I'm glad I read the book because of them though, it was fun.
Also: Someone told me that TFOIS is a “horrible disgusting book” because the author apparently “hates kids with cancer” and “is a terrible person” etc. etc. and I'm pretty uninformed on that so please don't come after me, if that's actually the case and the person isn't making shit up the way that they usually do. I'd be happy to listen to someone explain it to me, but I'd like to disclose that I like the book because of how it wrote teenage love.
If you’ve gotten this far into my review I’d run away with you, leaving our old lives behind to go live in a little house in the German Alps, tending to a garden of orange flowers and a small group of cows. Hold my hand, fellow tumblrian. I appreciate your time.
#ONLY HOLD MY HAND IF YOU'RE BETWEEN THE AGES OF 15 AND 18 THANK YOU VERY MUCH#gnome review#books#review#bookreview#book reviews#booklr#reader#writer#writerblr#reading#writing#romance#romance lover#john green#the fault in our stars#mini-review#short review#long review#rant#comedy#romcom#tfios#tfois book#hazel grace#joshposting#jorty rambling#first post#new to tumblr#idk what im doing
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Heyyyy, it’s been fucking ages! I just realised I totally forgot to check in and see what you thought about the ending of izombie! 
Oh hiiiiiiiii Jade!!! It has been ages, thank you for checking in, how are you, love?
So, fun fact, while I watched 95% of iZombie about a year ago, I only watched the final ~3 episodes or so fairly recently, I think partly because I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the show and characters, but also because by the end of season 5 I found that the plotlines tended to be a bit repetitive and everyone had been turned back and into a zombie so many times it was getting tiresome.
Anyway, the short answer is that I kinda hated the ending. Details under the cut for spoilers and also because it got a bit long lol.
So the thing is, I didn't expect the show to go for anything else than a happy ending, obviously. It has always been a fun, quirky show, and even though it got a bit plagued with heavier, heartwrenching drama in later seasons (Isobel... 💔), it was still greatly balanced with comedy. But my problem with the ending is that I found it overly simplistic, to the point of dumbness and naivety to be honest, and way too cheesy. This whole "everything and everyone is fine, the good ones were rewarded and the bad ones died" felt artificial, especially given the moral complexity that the show had managed to explore over the seasons.
Like, this is a show that started as a weird crime show, developed a whole universe of its own based on extremely believable premises (people starting a business by scratching people and them brain-food blackmailing them, etc), and switched its genre mid-show to explore a socio-political dystopia that while not necessarily avoiding all the clichés of the genre managed to be brilliant and disturbingly accurate in the way it portrayed the variety of human (and zombie lol) reactions to the publicity of the zombie outbreak.
Obviously, the parallels and metaphors with past and present real events were sometimes a bit too on-the-nose, with references to nazism, civil war(s), military dictatorships, predicators, racism (the parodic bit about the whiteface and zombies’ cultural appropriation was perfect in its delightful absurdity) etc, but for the most part it was handled pretty cleverly and entertainingly in my opinion.
All this long introduction to say that the show explored a certain kind of complexity that forced it to introduce some nuances. While the goods and the bads were clearly identified in early seasons, the characters started becoming more morally grey as the story progressed, the most spectacular example being the evolution of Major through the show. Not to mention the bigger picture of a humans vs. zombies society with extremists and idealists on both sides.
So for me, the simplistic conclusion of the ending felt like an insult to the show’s brilliance at delving into more nuanced statements. Some stuff also didn’t really add up (like, I read the interview of Rose McIver where she explains that zombi-ism had become a metaphor for minorities which is the reason why Liv decided to remain that way even in a post-cure world, but this feels like a character alteration mid-show since early Liv was begging for a cure and frankly eating brains didn’t sound so fun), and oh boy, must they be bored to hell on their island!
I also felt deeply betrayed by the fate of Blaine and Don E. Obviously, they were the villains of the story, but they were also audience-favourites, especially Blaine (just look at the fanfic section lol), and they both had quite interesting redemption/humanity arcs. So to just have them ending up in that well for eternity, after we’ve been extensively shown what happens to unfed zombies after a while, this was just a tragedy to me. Especially when Blaine’s last action was showing a bit of redemption by saving Peyton’s life, you know? I would have enjoyed SO MUCH to learn in the finale scene that Blaine was Liv and Major’s neighbour on zombies island and that they all spent their eternity time pranking against each other for instance.
Speaking of, the whole Zombie Island was so DUMB! Who would want to spend eternity isolated from all humanity with kindred brain-eaters? And to think that this would magically solve the problem of humans vs. zombies is borderline stupid. I expected a smarter statement from a show that indeed built this world where there is so much anger, resentment, disgust, predation, and fascination between both factions.
And pardon me but if zombi-ism was some kind of metaphor for minorities struggles, as the show claimed, then the segregation as ultimate solution is ironically the saddest ending that anyone could have come up with. I would have preferred a more realistic conclusion where both populations try to coexist more or less pacifically and a little teasing on the tensions/challenges/difficulties still at play. The ending as it is felt rushed and definitive, and wildly unrealistic.
tl;dr. There was absolutely no surprise to this ending, but I would have liked something more open and bittersweet and in one word, complex than this.
#ask#jade-marie#izombie#sorry this got a bit side-tracked lol#but I have the deepest love for this show#and to see it kinda ruined by the ending was a bit sad#and I didn't even speak of how much Liv x Major is a boring ship and why the show needed them together#and how the two of them sobbing bc they think the other is dead in the finale was ooc and ridiculous from the both ot them#or how fanfiction 100% sold me on Liv x Blaine instead lol#or on how my love for Ravi goes beyond anything I have ever felt for any character ever#but also can we talk about Blaine?#he's literally the most interesting character on this show and they got him REALLY dirty in that finale#😭😭😭😭😭😭
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