#that shit was traumatic
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TW: parent stuff, transphobia, generally shitty childhood mentions, and the unavoidable discomfort that comes with that sort of thing
TL;DR: i need a new name because i hate the one i have due to family-related trauma. suggestions?
in september of this year (2022), i finally worked up the courage to tell my parents that i wanted to change my name. i did it by asking my mother if she preferred “echo” or “fable”, without telling her that her choice would be my new name until she said she liked “echo”. i guess a part of me thought that, maybe, if i gave her some sort of say in the whole business that she wouldn’t mind as much?
i was very, very wrong. both of my parents immediately blew up at me. they were very offended that i didn’t think my given name was “good enough” for me, despite the fact that, throughout the entirety of my childhood, i have expressed nothing but discomfort at my given name.
eventually, my family decided to pretend this never happened other than the occasional biting remark which i pretended to ignore.
at the end of september, my partner and their family came to visit and stayed at my parents’ house for a week. with my permission, my friends all called me by “echo” instead of my given name. this, of course, brought the whole issue up to the surface again.
during the visit, my family expressed their disapproval- and even disgust and hatred- at my chosen name. every opportunity to call me by my given name was taken.
this was when my friends, who had visited only twice before as they lived in another state- finally saw what i dealt with on a daily basis. all of the things i had told them about my parents (and not even the worst stuff, mind you) suddenly made sense. the evidence was right in front of them.
my friends offered me a way out, and i took it. eight days after they left my house, i snuck out of the house to the nearest train station with only a small backpack of belongings (it was all i could carry, mostly clothes).
about four hours in to the fourteen hour train ride, they noticed i was gone. the messages i got from my mother only solidified my resolve. i had made the right choice, something i had wanted to do since i was eleven.
i finally made it to new york just after midnight, where my partner, their mother, and two of the nine siblings were waiting for me. for the first time in my life, i felt like i could actually breathe. i was safe. i could heal.
the point of this ramble is that, due to a series of moderate to highly traumatic events, every time i hear the name “echo”, i feel like my chest is caving in. that name has been corrupted, and it’s no longer mine. i want to change it, but choosing a name is very very difficult. i have a list of names i like, and i was hoping to possibly get some suggestions.
here are some names i am considering: everest, fable, nox, nym, loki, atlas, damon, janus, neo, and rook.
i go by he/they and i want to have an “alternative” sort of masculine or gender neutral name. i’m especially fond of names that have mythological origins.
#name change#suggestions#tw trauma#trauma dump#family issues#mommy issues#daddy issues#that shit was traumatic#transgender#transmasc#nonbinary#genderfluid#echo#transphobes#random#neurodivergent#autism#adhd#adhd mood#neurospicy#adhd things#sorry for being depressing#mental illness#please help
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the fact that there isn't more miles x will fanfic/shipping content is a hate crime (against me)
#it's such an interesting pairing idk#i wish there was more#we don't count the shit i found on wattpad#that shit was traumatic#will byers#miles fairchild#please write more I WILL EAT IT UP I SWEAR#byler tumblr#byler#stranger things#the turning
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My psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD
I told my psychologist about my nightmares
How you've taken a home inside my head
And live just out of reach, in the shadows
Injecting my veins with lead
I told her of my most recent nightmare
Where you finally came into the light
I told her how you grasped my hand
and told me I was alright
And just as I felt safe enough to finally settle down
You tore your love away
And watched with a smile, as I drowned
n.d
#poetry#sad poems#sad poetry#sadcore#that shit was traumatic#painful#poems on heartbreak#poems on tumblr#trauma#PTSD#ptsd art#nightmare#hurtcore#you didnt deserve my love#poem
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No I just didn’t rewatch the last two episodes of season 4 at 1 am …and no I just didn’t sob my eyes out at Lloyd’s flashbacks and the Garmadon’s banishment scene
#why do i do this to myself#ninjago garmadon#ninjago#that shit was traumatic#im just#aaaaaa#sobs violently#Lloyd my beloved I’m sorry#why was that kid show so sad dude#couldn’t we just get like yk#happy endings#i remember#crying my ass off when that episode first came out#nothing changed since#i still can't believe it#it feels good to be stuck in 2015#at least he is good#laughs nervously#i will tell my therapist about this
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Sometimes I sleep in a fetal position and then I have to move my pillow to fit on my bed and I dont move my pillow back so i sleep in a fetal position to fit its a vicious cycle
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So yesterday was my school's 10 year reunion. I kept going back and forth debating on going. I didn't realize how close it was,but it was yesterday, apparently. I wasn't sure how I would feel if I missed it. Well, now I'm feeling angry, sad, and relieved. I am mad and sad because I didn't get the experience with school that others had. I never enjoyed school or the activities that others had. I didn't go to many events. I barely went to prom. I was bullied and excluded from many things. Purposely. I was barely in the yearbook. I hated it. So I was a little relieved I didn't actually have to make the decision after all. Still, I am so upset that I was robbed of the joy and the fun. These people ruined my childhood. From 5th grade to 12th, I delt with all the bullshit they put me through. So then you would say I'm lucky to not have gone, right? Wrong. I would have loved to have gone if I had a good relationship with any of those people. It just isn't fair to have missed a milestone in my life. I'm just upset now. It's a big deal and yet I am so conflicted. Now, I'd hear things like, "well, you should have gone and ignored the mean people." Or "then you're better off not going." Or "you should have gotten over it by now. " ect ect. It's not easy when you're younger years were traumatic. It's very hard to understand and express how you feel because a lot of people don't relate. Now, I feel so torn up.
#fake smile#ashamed#trauma#that shit was traumatic#its traumatic#childhood#traumatic childhood#upset#conflicted#high school#highschool reunion#sad#mad#relieved#rant#bullying
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Burn In Hell (Dedicated to Maria)
The best thing that happened
To me in 2020
Is that you got a new job
And were no longer able to see me
I’m not gonna miss you
You’re prejudiced
You’re sadistic
You chose this career
To prey on those who aren’t as privileged
Convinced me I won’t thrive
Without your help
Tried to mold me into someone
Who hates myself
No matter how bad I’m hurt
You’ll have a cover story
Why ever take the blame
When you can say I’m crazy?
I hope you burn in hell
‘Cause you’re just so full of hate
And nothing I could say or do could convince you
To not put me through hell
And it’s not that you just can’t relate
But because I’m not like you
You don’t think I’m human
I’ve begged you to stop
You said what you did was help
You pretend like you mean well
So please just burn in hell
You say abuse is a form of love
And that I’m playing the victim
And that you know what’s best for me
And I can’t make my own decisions
When I would try to speak up
You’d just shut me down
Saying that what you say is facts
And what I say is opinions
And what I say is opinions
I hope you burn in hell
‘Cause you’re just so full of hate
And nothing I could say or do could convince you
To not put me through hell
And it’s not that you just can’t relate
But because I’m not like you
You don’t think I’m human
I begged you to stop
You said what you did was help
You pretend like you mean well
So please just burn in hell
You tried to make me think
The problem was me
You pretend like you mean well
So please just burn in hell
I hope when you hear this song
You know it’s about you
And you wanna end your life
The way you made me too
But nothing I could ever do
Could make you feel the pain you put me through
I hope you burn in hell
‘Cause you’re just so full of hate
And nothing I could say or do could convince you
To not put me through hell
And it’s not that you just can’t relate
But because I’m not like you
You don’t think I’m human
#aba is abuse#aba therapy#psychiatricsurvivor#psychiatric survivor#parental trauma#parental abuse#traumatic memories#trauma thoughts#that shit was traumatic#autistic artist#autistic experiences#love#stop being ableist#ableist bullshit#ableist people#fuck ableists
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the question, you see, is not ‘is it too ooc for this character to cry’ but rather ‘what circumstances would push this character to cry’
this is the whump wisdom, go forth and make that character cry
#gav gab#‘it’s sooooooo ooc to make that character cry’ no you see I think it is ooc#to put this character through absolute unimaginable hell physically and emotionally#and NOT let them cry about it#sometimes canon framing and media format and genre#limit the ability to let a character emotionally Feel all the insanely traumatic shit that’s happened to them#that doesn’t mean that in a different medium or genre exploring these things#it would be ooc for them to do so#send tweet. let those characters feel and emote. it’s not ooc or cringe and anyone who tells you it is is a reductive dick
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random fact about me is whenever i tell a traumatic story from my youth more often than not it starts with “when i was 14….”
it’s always age 14 lol
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its 4/20 please take some time to remember everyone that has died / been incarcerated / lost any chance at a normal life for your right to smoke ur fuckin mids.
#i love 4/20 bc ill be laughing and having fun until i suddenly remember some traumatic junkie shit and then everything is too much#sry to bring the vibes down its just#yeah
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During a press conference for the newest Justice League member, Phantom, a reporter asks him "Do you have anything to say to all the children who aspire to be like you?"
Phantom looked at the reporter puzzled before saying, "Children wanna be like me? Why? I'm a bad influence."
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#hyper prompts#danny gets war flashbacks to his days as a feral traumatized teen in way over his head and shivers#completely forgetting that's he's spent the last few years working closely with the jla to make the world a better place#something that a lot of children dream of#nope instead he's shitting bricks because “am i inspiring child to off themselves to gain powers!?”#and of course all of his naysayers are about to use this clip for everything
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anyway literally everyone is going through something all the time!!! everyone is wounded!!! everyone is human & no one makes it out of this life unscathed!! maybe try approaching people in good faith instead of always defaulting to the worst possible interpretations of each other
#the way people will pounce at the opportunity to unload on someone the second they have perceived A Wrongdoing#and then justify that with trauma like. i have been Traumatized so therefore i am allowed to make this other person feel like shit#never mind that life is not a binary set of right and wrong choices/beliefs and you are never going to agree with someone 100% of the time#and that disagreement ≠ the other person being a terrible human being. please god allow for some nuance and grace#stop putting people on pedestals stop with the unproblematic king/queen culture stop reducing other people to the image of them in your head
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What Do You Have There?
A knife!
Danny plunked the butter knife in its pedestal of importance. The nice thing about having a billionaire vigilante for a... foster is the amount of money Danny was allowed to drop on his hobbies. For example, his extensive collection of souvenirs.
They're not just any old regular souvenirs. No, no, no. That would be so boring! No, these souvenirs, he obtained from the various muggings, knife fights, and various other situations he's been in ever since he was dropped ungraciously into Gotham.
The butter knife? Damian. Precocious, stabby Damian who he had startled into the stab instinct. A point of pride, really. Danny knew Damian was good at fighting! It was practically, in ghost terms, a super enthusiastic hello! Yes, the butter knife would be kept in the well lit part of the wall. Alfred had told him to stay home today to recuperate. He didn't need it, since the wound would heal in an hour or two, but he'd take staying at home any day.
A couple of hours later, well into the afternoon and right before what Danny knew to be their patrol hours, Danny had a visitor.
"Danny."
"Oh, hey, Damian! What's up?" Danny turned around to see Damian hovering awkwardly near the door.
"I am here to... check upon your wound. It is imperative that it gets proper treatment."
Ancients, Damian was exactly like those alley kids. He just ate a thesaurus instead of the drawling accent the alley kids picked up. Which meant Damian endeared himself to Danny pretty quickly. Like a little ghostling.
"Oh, I'm good. See? No blood is leaking out of the wound." Danny held up spotless bandages.
Danny watched Damian step into his haunt- his room- with a pleased hum. Damian inspected the bandages and stepped back with a sharp nod of approval. His eyes flicked to the wall that Danny was rearranging (again) and did a double take at the butter knife in the middle.
"Is that the butter knife I stabbed you with?"
"Why, yes, it is!" Danny beamed.
"Why on earth would you display that?"
"Because you stabbed me with it?"
"That makes absolutely no sense, you simpleton! When someone stabs you, stab them back!"
"That would be mean!"
Damian spluttered. Danny tugged the kid closer to the wall, cheering inwardly as Damian didn't shove him away. It might be because he was exaggeratedly wincing as he moved his "injured arm" but Danny has learned to take a win where he could find them, especially with ghosts. Not that Damian was a ghost, but he sure acted like one.
"Do you want to see my collection?"
"Your collection?"
"Yeah!" Without giving him time to answer, Danny barreled ahead. "So this is the knife you stabbed me with. Which, by the way, was an awesome show of strength and accuracy."
Damian grimaced. Danny continued blithely, secretly memorizing Damian's reactions to laugh at later.
"And this is the knife those guys stabbed me with that one time Cass found me. And this one is a bullet someone shot at me down by the docks. I think I interrupted some kind of meeting?"
Damian's jaw had a slight tick to it that would have been a baffled frown on anyone else.
"And when was this?"
"Oh, like a week ago."
"What? When did you go to the docks?!"
"At night. I couldn't sleep."
"And you went to the docks?! How did you even get there?!"
"Walked," Danny lied, like a lying liar. He floated, obviously, but none of them knew that. "Anyways, this is a law book! Someone threw it at my head!"
"Hey, guys! What're you doing?"
Danny and Damian turned around.
"Richard? Brown? What are you doing here?"
"Oh, Bruce wanted me to come back for the weekend," Dick said. Danny knew it was code for "something's going down and we need back up." Man, he still couldn't believe they didn't know he knew they were crime fighting vigilantes.
"Same!" Stephanie said. Danny was glad to see that her wounds from "cartwheeling in the manor" were healed.
"I see. Danny was showing me his collection of... objects people have used as weapons against him."
"What?!"
"Yeah!" Danny beamed, completely innocent. "Come on! I'll show you!"
With that, Danny continued to ramble. He just knew that the way Dick's and Stephanie's smiles strained would give him a good laugh for weeks to come. "And this is the glass bottle a drunk tried to shank me with in Crime Alley, and this is a knife the Red Hood himself threw at me."
Dick interrupted, face stiff. "Hood threw a knife at you?!"
"Yeah, but that was because my kids broke into his safe house and I was trying to get them to stop looting the place. And he didn't know I was a kid too, so he aimed a gun at my head. He shot at me too, but I couldn't go back to get the bullet, or else it would have joined my collection." Danny grabbed a box and shook it, metal rattling inside.
Dick smiled sweetly, Stephanie and Damian inching away from it.
"Oh, wow, I see!"
----
In his apartment, Jason shuddered. He grabbed his guns.
"Something's wrong. I just know it," he muttered to himself.
----
Danny smiled innocently as he described the horrific, near death events he got his souvenirs from.
"This is my bullet box! Man, Gotham has a lot of gun fights. I got shot so many times!" Danny complained, shaking the box like a rattling toy.
"Did you know Danny snuck out to go to the bay?" Damian snitched immediately, like a snitch.
"The Bay?! Danny! You know that's where people dump bodies, right?!" Stephanie poked him in the arm.
"Yeah, but like... I wouldn't die. And besides! I missed my friends!"
"You mean the minions you made in Crime Alley?" Steph asked. Danny pouted, eyeing the way Dick's gaze roved over his souvenirs and paling the more he realized how often Danny "got hurt."
Damian bumped a shoulder against Dick's arm. Danny returned to the conversation.
"If anything, I'm their minion." He said, remembering the times the Alley kids sent him on food runs.
"Fear Danny, the overlord of street rats."
Danny snorted. And- "Oh! Yeah, there was like a weird owl looking guy? And then they stabbed me with a finger and I kept it because woah, cool talon looking thing, right? And then they threw a bunch of those tiny knives at me? And then they just kind of vanished? Gotham is so weird."
And now, with all of them pale and stressed out of their minds, Danny swung a devastating blow called guilt trip.
"And that's the batarangs!" Three heads swung over to the line of batarangs. "Those vigilantes kept throwing them at me! One of them even hit me in the arm. Those things are sharp, man."
"Uh. Which ones?" Stephanie asked.
"Hm?" Danny hummed obliviously.
"Do you know which vigilantes?"
"Oh, it was like... the purple one. And the sword one? And like the one with the yellow insignia in the middle. And... all of them, I think? Except for signal. That guy's cool."
Stephanie and Damian had matching veiled looks of guilt. Dick shot them a sharp look. Danny decided to deal the last bit of damage to Dick.
"I'm glad you guys are way less stabby than the general Gotham public though, butter knife incident aside. At least I don't have to worry about you guys getting into danger, right? If you guys got hurt like my family did... I don't know..."
Danny smiled-squinted at them, channeling Cujo at his cutest and saddest: when he doesn't get to eat off of Danny's plate. So, pretty sad and pathetic.
"Uh, yeah." Dick said, guilt splayed all over his face. "Alfred said dinner was almost ready."
"Yes," Damian cleared his throat, looking away. "We shall partake in Pennyworth's hard work."
"Ahaha!" Stephanie laughed, nervously. "Welp, let's go bother Tim!"
Falling into step behind them, Danny grinned.
#danny phantom#batman#dc x dp#dick grayson#jason todd#bruce wayne#tim drake#red hood#nightwing#bamf danny phantom#danny is a little shit#danny fenton#stephanie brown#danny is a menace#danny: wow im so sad my family got hurt but at least i dont have to worry about that with you guys right?#the bats: *sweats*#knife collection#but also just random trinkets#that should have traumatized danny#but he's super desensitized to it#that's why he fit in crime alley so well#trauma dump#but it's danny being proud of being greeted in a friendly manner by so many people#bc ghost hellos is throwing hands so danny thinks he's popular
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Taps mic
My inbox is not your venting ground
#im putting my foot down#too many of yall are too comfortable sending asks telling me about traumatic shit in vivid detail#stop that#also sending me asks just to complain about things i cant even respond to#im not posting examples but like. use common sense maybe?
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Dp x Dc AU: Danny and Tim are twins- And Vlad is the first to figure this out in his attempts to get DavlCo a new investor.
---
Tim was getting the creeps from this guy. It was as if the room got colder, the seconds got longer and the room's shadows moved to their own volition. He stared Tim down less like 'You punk kid' and more like 'You'll be mine' in a way that Tim didn't appreciate. At all.
The guy kept setting meetings up despite Tim's direct insistance that Wayne Enterprises would never touch DalvCo- not with a ten foot pole or for all the money in the world. Some how Tim's board of directors kept getting swindled by the guy and... therefore more meetings. More looks from this guy that made him want to crawl out of his skin.
Vlad asked him if he ever went by Timothy- Tim couldn't reply "that's not my name" fast enough. It apparently inspired the guy somehow. More meetings that Tim can't reject because of board members pop up.
It's been long determined that Jason doesn't get involved with Wayne Enterprises, but after the Uncle and a few other paid-actor solutions go up in flames- Tim decides to call up his older brother to act as a bodyguard and tell this guy to fuck off for the final time.
Jason apparently also gets the Heebee-jeebies from this asshole but his message is loud and clear to Vlad. There's a flash of green and then all of sudden it's just Tim and Jason in the room... Only Jason isn't acting like himself.
Putting it together- Tim reaches for his contingency F stash of Knock out gas and doses Jason. Vlad doesn't re-appear so Tim assumes that to mean that he'll be trapped in Jason's person until Jason wakes up.
Walking out of the meeting room with his bus of a brother over his shoulders- Tim quickly asks Tam to reach out to Vlad's Emergency contact. Surely there is someone in this man's company willing to explain what the fuck Vlad was trying to pull. Tim theoretically can keep Jason drugged asleep for a long time- surely that threat can get him somewhere.
The day drags on as Tim continues to keep Jason unconscious and eventually Tam lets him know that someone is here for Vlad. She says it with the addition of one of their codes- He mentally prepares himself for the worst and then... His doppleganger walks through the door? What the fuck?
Tim and Danny puzzle about one another for a little too long and Jason wakes up- Vlad pops out immediately. A shouting match between Danny and Vlad commences and...
"Man I knew our family had unresolved issues but seriously what the fuck has your clone dealing with?" Jason asks, as though he could watch this all day with pop corn.
"You made more clones?!" Danny screamed at Vlad who's only response is "Not this one! This one is actually polite!"
"Fuck you!" Tim and Danny reply in tandem.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#long post#tim and danny are twins au#twins au#tim is co-ceo of wayne enterprises and has too much shit that he puts up with because his board doesn't respect him#danny shows up and wants to conceal being a ghost for as long as possible but fucking vlad already possessed some fuckin guy#vlads plan is to abduct and adopt tim#vlad sees the resemblance immediately but when he asks tim the name question tims answer basically confirms it to him lol#jason is collateral damage here and is willing to throw down because of it#jason immediately being like 'oh look its a version of you i havent traumatized yet. i should not fuck up this one.'#jason danny and tim bonding over hating vlad actually brings danny into the family fold#he still lives in amity but now he has unlimited pocket change and a family that acts suspiciously like they're hiding being vigilantes
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