confusionmultiplied - Tumblr blog

confusionmultiplied · 9 days

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Ginger snaps (2000)

#painful #grunge #sadcore #2014 revival #2014 grunge #i hate you #i hate this #i hate it here #grungy aesthetic #grungy girls #im sad again #pain

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confusionmultiplied · 2 months

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I let you into my heart, and I watched you destroy it.

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confusionmultiplied · 2 months

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You Will Not Destroy The New Life I Have Built

I saw your shadow again last night

It cast itself over my face

Hidden beneath the hands

Of a man who knows no space

I felt your presence again last night

Burrowed in my heart

Feeding on the nurtured fear

That rips my mind apart

I heard the sound of your voice again

As I ache to be set free

Calling me to relive the past

In someone new to hurt me

-n.d

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confusionmultiplied · 2 months

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I loathe the pain you've caused

I seethe at the thought of you intertwined

With someone beautiful, and unconditionally loving

Unaware of the wreckage you've left behind

I've always believed I should wish you well

With a heart of forgiveness and love on my sleeve

But I truly wish you more ache

Than I felt for the life I had to grieve

And that might make me a hollow shell of who I once was

To admit and express that I wish you pain

But it will never change the way I now live

In fear of your presence returning again

I wish you could feel the pain you have caused

That your inflictions would carve into your skin

Because emotional pain cannot see past the cage

You locked your humanity deep within

I hope one day I do see you again

And you are sick with all of the cancer you have caused

That the rot you embedded inside my body

Steals every last breath you draw

- n.d

#poetry #painful #grunge #sad poetry #poem #goth #original poem #original art #i hate you #you ruined my life #for you #painful poetry #pain #sad poems #that shit was traumatic #trauma #post traumatic stress disorder #trauma tw

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confusionmultiplied · 6 months

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confusionmultiplied · 6 months

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confusionmultiplied · 6 months

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confusionmultiplied · 6 months

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Leaving

I thought leaving would make it better.

I thought leaving would bring me freedom.

But all its done is leave a mess behind.

And paved way for greater messes ahead.

But leaving was inevitable.

Would it have mattered if it was last week, or in 5 years?

Everything might have been exactly the same, if I had left yesterday, today or tomorrow.

I just thought leaving would be my new beginning, my refuge, my saving grace.

I guess leaving hasn't turned out how I thought I would.

-n.d.

#leaving #poem #sad poems #by me poetry #original poem #poetry #painful #grunge #sad poetry #i hate you #messy #i deserve good things

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confusionmultiplied · 7 months

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For Ethan

I wish you didn't have to go

I wish you didn't leave

I wish that there was someone else with whom I can grieve

I wish your parents didn't hate me

I wish our friends had stayed

I wish I knew what more to do, other than just pray

I wish I'd answered your last call

I wish I'd said goodbye

I wish I'd known that you were missing

I thought I'd have felt it if someone I knew died

-n.d

#painful #poetry #sad poetry #poem #by me poetry #sad poems #original poem #tw grief #grief #dealing with grief #i miss you #goodbye #gone too soon

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confusionmultiplied · 7 months

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For Ethan

Happy first heavenly birthday,

Todays the day you would have turned 20

Although it's fitting for you to remain a teen forever

I'd rather have had you here with us

-n.d

From the drafts

7/10/2023

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confusionmultiplied · 7 months

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By Andrea Gibson

#poetry #sad poetry #poem #painful #trauma #healing #time #i hate you #sad poems

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confusionmultiplied · 8 months

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To Ethan

I remember how mad I was

How I cursed you for your death

I remember the anger in my chest

Knowing that you had caused the wreck

I wish I could have told you how much I appreciated you

I wish I could have noticed the effort you always put in

I wish I could have known the friend I had in you,

before you crashed and drowned inside that tin

-n.d.

#sad poetry #grief #tw grief #tw death #painful #poetry #by me poetry #original poem #poem #sad poems #i miss you #angry

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confusionmultiplied · 8 months

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"Letters to Milena" by Franz Kafka

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confusionmultiplied · 8 months

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I drew a little something for the Hiveworks micro comic summer~

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confusionmultiplied · 9 months

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There's just this pain

Living in my head,

I feel it move through the crevices

I know how it spreads

It inches through my bones

And burrows through my muscle

Tightening around my chest

Relentless against my struggle

-n.d

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confusionmultiplied · 9 months

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It's been two months since you invaded my dreams

Two months has been one of the longest periods without you living in my head. Without your unwelcome presence in my dreams, picking at my scars.

Two months for more complex nightmares to creep in, to feast on my fears and leave me shaking and gasping for air.

Though the dreams of these two months had me fight and struggle against the threats to my physical safety. I still prefer feeling left wounded and bleeding, to the feeling of when you've returned.

Your arrival played with the strings of my heart and tangled the threads going to and from my brain. Your presence burrowed through my veins to the source where my emotions are maintained.

And like a thief, you stole what was not yours to take. My emotions, lying at the feet of your wake. You played with my hopes, my dreams of the past and left me destitute, like a hollow cast

In the day after you tormented my dream, I am left here withered and tearing at the seams. The cavity in my chest echoes and rings through my arms, unable to recover from all your harm.

-n.d.

#painful #sad poetry #i hate you #poem #sad poems #soft grunge #grunge #original poem #poetry #by me poetry #ptsd art #ptsd #ptsd recovery #that shit was traumatic #depressing shit #that shit hurt

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confusionmultiplied · 10 months

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really obsessed w how rage manifests in my body what it does to my bones my blood my brain every combination of matter the way it expands and builds and devours like a scream a roar a cleansing fire wailing to life and burning away the aching parts of me, leaving me vacuous and deep-space cold vast enough to see the expanse of my emptiness like standing in a cathedral haunted by the remembrance of containing anything at all, even the divine, even the divine,

and the rage, the rage is the ghost given a mouth and teeth and an awareness of hunger so primordial it could consume the heart of a galaxy and still be left wanting, searching, insatiable and overflowing desperate and certain too big and too small everything and nothing, existing to burn and to be burned to be the kindle and the flame no beginning or ending just consumption and starvation living as one pinprick of light in the core of me flaring flaring flaring like the birth and death of a star and there, there, at the very center of an impact crater a black hole an empty room with walls i can't see i am a mirror held up to entropy astounded and horrified by what it sees

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