#sorry i didnt mean to answer this with a whole rant i tried to keep it short lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru · 3 years

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I'm not sure Gojo has ever even shown an interest to any girls.

He calls Utahime weak and teases her by making fun of her, essentially- which she hates. Mei Mei is incredibly strong and beautiful, and Gojo acknowledges her skill but that's it. I also noticed that in the anime (the manga doesn't have honorifics, so please correct me if I'm wrong) but he calls her Mei-san rather than Mei Mei. Therefore, I don't think he ever tried to get much closer to her than the interactions we've seen. When she asks him if he'd comfort her if she cried, he tells her that's she strong- she wouldn't cry. I thought it was interesting that while Mei Mei's question was slightly flirty, Gojo answered so simply, without any teasing.

He calls Shoko by her first name, which is understandable since they spend more time together being in the same grade. He realizes that her ability is rare and useful, but like with Utahime and Mei Mei he doesn't go any further than that. He mostly speaks to her about work related things and doesn't flirt or tease much at all.

Honestly, I think Gojo actually respects his female colleagues and mostly pokes fun at Utahime because she's so uptight and strict. Shoko and Mei Mei are more relaxed and self-assured, and Gojo recognizes their skills and compliments them for it rather than teasing them. I doubt Gojo really thinks Utahime is truly weak more than he just loves riling her up. Other than that, Gojo's pretty respectful.

Also, in the Hidden Inventory arc, Gojo was bombarded with screaming from all the girls excited to see him. Other than pulling his shades down so they could see his face- after they asked him to, btw- he didn't really do much else. He didn't even react much to the teacher giving him her phone number. His only comment was "what a fun school," and it's interesting to see that while lots of girls do appreciate his looks, he acts only mildly amused.

Other than that one model as his wallpaper, we don't really see Gojo flirt or show interest with anyone. He only really teases Utahime to piss her off- I suspect he hates how much she follows the rules like Nanami does, who he teases often as well. He likely just enjoys annoying people so stern because rules just don't sit well with him (especially because of what those "rules" had done to Geto).

It's just a possibility, but he could be one of those guys who's more interested in work than pleasure- I know, he's handsome, but not all handsome people are players and cheaters. I think that's a horrible stigma and a lot of attractive people irl are judged and criticized solely for their looks. People make too many assumptions on someone just based on their genes, and I think it's pretty shallow to think Gojo's a womanizer just because he's attractive. And he knows he's attractive- but when did being confident in yourself make you a philanderer? Gojo has never used his looks manipulatively at all.

It's definitely a possibility that he would be a womanizer, but I'd say it's unlikely based in what we've seen. To sum it all up, Gojo doesn't show interest in anyone. He teases Utahime often, likely for the same reason be teases Nanami- they're too uptight. Shoko and Mei Mei are both incredibly skilled and beautiful sorcerers, and he does acknowledge and compliment them for it, but he doesn't tease or flirt with them. He's respectful, and he works with them as his colleagues. He didn't get distracted by the teen girls fawning over him either, or suddenly get overtly cocky or show off, only sliding his glasses down so they could see his face, and even then he acted only mildly amused. Also, when Miwa asked him for a picture, he didn't even stay and chat with her or anything (I know she's a minor, but if he truly was a womanizer, he would have at least stayed to hear her compliment him or anything to feed his ego) Maybe ask her "Oh, you want a picture with me? The strongest? How cute~" A flirty comment, a joke, something to fuel his own ego, but he doesn't do that. He doesn't act in a way that conveys he openly pursues attention from women. He just takes the picture with her and walks off casually.

Therefore, other than the fact that he's handsome- and I know many people who would assume things about someone based on their attractiveness, which is a terrible stereotype- Gojo doesn't show much interest in flirting at all. He could be the type of guy who works more than plays- and there's plenty of guys who are handsome but aren't super interested in playing around. Being handsome doesn't automatically mean he's the type to sneak around and have affairs here and there. It's completely realistic for a handsome man to be uninterested in any kind of relationships- not all men are sex crazed, and being a tease to his friends doesn't make Gojo a flirt either. Teasing your friends is perfectly normal.

Therefore, Gojo being a 28 year old virgin is totally possible- not everyone's a sex crazed teen who only thinks about what's between their legs, and basing it on what normal Japanese teens do is unfair. Neither Gojo or his lifestyle is exactly normal, and there's definitely barriers when it comes to experiencing normal youth activities for Gojo's generation- especially Gojo's generation. Yuji's generation definitely has more freedom to do fun things because of what Gojo has done to give the youth more freedom- things he hasn't been able to experience himself in his youth, like playing baseball during the exchange event. That was the first time they ever did something different to tradition, and that was only because of Gojo's consideration.

Gojo's youth was filled with blood, exorcising, and choosing between life and death. The deaths Yuji and co. witnessed were what Gojo experienced as well, if not worse. Gojo's task in his youth was to protect the weak, and he found that burdensome. At least, until Geto betrayed them, and Gojo realized the new burden he had to bear in changing the Jujutsu world because of what it had done to his only best friend.

There are definitely more important things in Gojo's mind than just losing his virginity, like saving people and choosing who to save, whether he should kill or not kill.

Gojo is the strongest, but he also bears the biggest burden- and that burden is something he chose to bear, and being the strongest is something he chose to be. Because before Geto left, it was "We are the Strongest." Now, Gojo worked tirelessly so that he could say "I am the Strongest."

And that's not something you can do while sleeping around. I think a lot of people fail to recognize just how hard Gojo works for himself and others. They just think, oh he's the strongest, so it should be easy for him. But it's really, really not that simple, is it? Especially when you have to do it on your own, and even then Gojo realizes that his strength alone isn't enough to save people. He can't save everyone by himself- It's not enough for just him to be the Strongest, so he works diligently to build and inspire his students to stand with him.

He's actually a very deep and emotional man who cares about his students and especially, even now, his best friend. Everything he does is for their sake- he sacrifices the normal life he could have lived, like Nanami had done, for their sake. And he fights with the higher ups, takes the brunt of their ire, and laughs it off, acting as if he fine, like a dad pretending he's superman for his kid's sake. But Gojo is burdened, and he's tired, and he hardly sleeps, and he has the most missions- he's the Strongest, which means everyone needs him, and he bears it.

Sorry for ranting again tho. I think I went into two different topics lol oops- 🤔

OUR SAVIOR 🤔 EDUCATING PEOPLE pay attention ya'll another thing I've noticed in the latest episode is that in his phone contacts he actually writes Utahime's name properly like formally no emojis or teasing shit he actually sees them as his colleagues people he can rely on his field of work and yes about the whole thing when he bursted into riko's class man was absolutely clueless just silent as a teacher tries to give him his number. I'm pretty sure as a child Gojo wasn't allowed to attend public schools due him being in danger or putting others in danger so he doesn't know much about public schools or normal people in general since he spends all his time with people from the jujutsu society.

That is definitely true just because someone is good looking that doesnt mean he's some cheap womanizer. I see a lot of people shipping him and Utahime together which is understandable ship who you like but I don't think Gojo as any ulterior motives like wooing Utahime by teasing her he just is plainly teasing ya know like friends do but in this case Utahime hates his guts and he doesnt know. I mean it takes some amount of hate to try to throw hot tea at someone 😂

While certainly I agree Gojo's teen like wasn't the best it was like he literally had a full time job at that age but who's to stay he didn't go messing around one time? I'm sure during his teen days he wanted to experience things he didnt get to to but now could because he lives on his own now. But maybe he didnt at all who knows? Which also raises another question, I wonder if he has any romantic experiences? And this was all before what happened in the hidden inventory arc after that I can see him more becoming invested in his duty and with what happened with geto as well would of definitely had a huge impact on him to try harder even though hes the strongest so that the next generation wouldn't have to experience the things he went through.

It's really sad if you really think about it what hes been through and what he has to shoulder all while keeping the facade that he's okay, I bet there were times he cursed his powers and his life....but he bears with it anyways because everyone is counting on him....

And don't be sorry at all! I am actually really learning alot about Gojo from you. Please continue to tell us your thoughts and feelings. I don't mind at all ❤ and thank you for taking the time to write 💕

#gojo discussions #virgin or not?#gojou satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru #jjk imagines #gojo satoru x reader #skipps chat

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queerofthedagger · 3 years

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I would love to hear your essay on why Merlin didnt own telling Morgana about his magic, because it honestly makes me mad when people say he should have since he too had magic

Ooh hey, thanks so much for the ask! And about one of my favourite pet peeves too 😂❤️ I have a lot to say on that because yeah, it makes me mad too. This got really long, so I apologize for that in advance... (I tried to put some of it under a readmore but tumblr is being a pain again.)

Obligatory disclaimer that obviously, everyone’s entitled to their opinion and I’m not aiming to change anyone’s mind.

First of all, I think it gets ignored sometimes that Merlin didn’t actually leaver her alone or didn’t try to help. He very much did so in “The Nightmare Begins,” by finding out how to get her to the Druids. This is directly after she tells him about her belief that she has magic and that she’s scared, and he does so against the explicit orders/advice from both Gaius and Kilgharrah.

When he goes to find her because Uther is executing people and she refuses to go back, he doesn’t pressure her. People are getting killed about it, and yet when she says, “I'm sorry. I'm never going back. These are my people. They're like me. I don't feel so alone here. Do you understand?” his only answer is “Better than anyone.”

But yeah, it does tell him that when it comes down to a choice between self-preservation and saving others, Morgana will choose the former. And that’s fine, to some degree! People are allowed self-preservation and putting themselves first, and Merlin and Arthur often are self-sacrificing to a truly unhealthy degree. That being said, I personally find it questionable if accepting the death of innocent, also at least under-privileged if not oppressed people for your own sake is the morally “right” choice but as I don’t want to start a philosophical rant here, let’s leave it at that.

There’s—imo—more than one reason why Merlin didn’t owe her anything; first of all, I personally don’t think you ever owe anything of this kind to anyone, ever. Just because someone tells me a huge secret, doesn’t mean I have to do the same, especially if it’s a life-threatening one; all you “owe” is kindness, understanding, and keeping the secret that was entrusted to you. All of which Merlin did.

Then there’s the whole axis of power to their relationship; Morgana might be nice and treat Gwen and Merlin with respect, but that doesn’t erase the huge difference of station between them. Since the first week Merlin arrived in Camelot, he saw that the word of a servant, his word, meant absolutely nothing against a knight, noble, or actual royal.

Morgana didn’t hand him any power over herself when she revealed her secret. Merlin, on the other hand, would’ve handed her complete power over his life or death. I’m not saying Merlin would’ve ever revealed her secret under any circumstances—I actually think if he had told Arthur in season 3, Arthur would’ve believed him; he’s proven he would, more than once. But it wasn’t only about being believed, it was also, still, about not giving her away. (Though to be fair here—what it was also about was that she threatened to reveal that he poisoned her. Which, obviously, fair to some degree but if she did that, I doubt she would’ve revealed why he did, which ultimately only plays back into my point that Morgana’s loyalty is conditional. Which, again, is a valid stance to have, but not that of a person I’d trust with such a secret.)

Anyway. Just because Merlin never would’ve revealed her secret, doesn’t mean that the difference in their potential power over each other wasn’t there, and it’s important. Especially if you look back to the start of season 2 where—even before she turned her back on Camelot—Morgana made it clear that for her, self-preservation prevails when it comes right down to it.

Well, and thirdly, there’s also the matter of destiny and responsibility if Merlin’s own safety and well-being isn’t already enough (which it is, just in case there was any doubt about my opinion on that matter.) Of course, in season 2, Merlin’s not yet as fixated on Arthur as he is later, not even on destiny, as his intention to leave Camelot shows (if he had stayed away is another question altogether but I digress.) Still, Kilgharrah made it pretty clear that this was about more than Merlin, and while Merlin definitely didn’t always listen to him, the threat was immense.

And it wasn’t only about Arthur either, I’d even say that in the great scheme of things, Arthur played relatively little into this decision; it was about his people as a whole, and it was about Gaius because if Merlin had been revealed, Gaius had already proven that he’d try taking the fall if not get accused of harbouring a sorcerer. I don’t think this alone would’ve been enough, but taken together with the other points, I think it did have some weight in Merlin’s decision and I also think that it was a valid choice to make even beyond the “you don’t have to reveal anything to anyone even if it’s only because you don’t want to.”

Last but not least, I also think it’s important to keep in mind how long they’ve known each other which, at that point, were maybe two years. Merlin’s been most likely told from the day he could understand it to never reveal himself to anyone. Until Freya, Merlin never tells anyone on his own volition (except maybe Will, we don’t know, but they’ve known each other their whole lives), and it’s impossible to compare the circumstances. Just because Morgana told him in what she herself calls a moment of weakness does not mean Merlin has any obligation to do the same.

I want to reiterate that he did try to help her, actively with the Druids, and also passively by reassuring her that there’s nothing wrong with her and that he will keep her secret. This is already more than he would have to do—the whole thing with the Druids put Merlin at risk too, arguably much more than her. Of course, that has never stopped him which is what we love about him, but I think that it’s more than enough. Merlin is not responsible for fixing every little thing in Camelot, he’s not responsible for other people’s actions and decisions, and he did more than could be expected of him.

Which is also why I think that if he had told her about his magic, it wouldn’t have changed anything in the long run, but as this is already way too long, let’s leave that can of worms for another time...

#merlin emrys #morgana pendragon #merlin meta #mona's rambling #this is more an out-of-canon point but I also just prefer Morgana having the agency to owning her actions tbh #answered asks #aeonthedimensionalgirl

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brelione · 4 years

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In The End (The Best Boys)

Warnings:For the love of god everyones doing too much, yelling, not proof read

Series Masterlist

You took in a deep, shaky breath.Rafe bit his lip, leaning down to kiss you gently. “Lets go downstairs, okay?”He asked, large hand going to hold yours.You nodded, slowly sitting up with a slight pain in your abdomen.

He went into your closet to get you something loose and soft, helping you get dressed. “Im sure hes fine, alright?Dont worry.”He grinned, kissing the top of your head.The two of you sat anxiously on the couch, listening for Kelce’s car.

You jumped when you heard the car door slam, your door opening a few moments later.His breathing was fast and shallow, eyes wide and sweat dripping from his hairline and tears falling from his eyes.He didnt say anything, hands shaking as he stared back at you.Rafe’s hand was sitting on your thigh, almost trying to hold you back from going to Kelce.

You werent sure if the action was out of jealousy or if he was just worried about you trying to approach Kelce while he was in this state of mind.It didnt matter though.Once the slight shock had worn off you quickly made your way to Kelce, wrapping your arms tight around him.

He was shaking under your touch, a few of his tears falling into your hair as he leaned against you with his arms around your shoulders. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”You repeated, rubbing his back.He shook his head, squeezing you so hard that it hurt.

You looked over to Rafe, trying to figure out what had happened. “Im sorry.”Kelce sobbed, whistling sounds coming from his nose as he tried to take deep breaths.Your hand moved to run through his hair and rub the back of his neck, feeling him start to relax a bit

. “Kelce….what happened?”You asked, your thumb tracing over his cheekbone lightly.He didnt move away from you, squeezing you tighter.He could tell by the way you and Rafe kept looking at eachother that he was freaking you guys out and it didnt exactly help with how stressed he was.

“I dont know what to do.”He cried, his nose starting to run.You didnt know what to do either, holding him and whispering into his ear.He closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths, listening to you.It couldve been minutes or hours, you werent exactly sure but it didnt really matter.

Rafe was just confused, not understand how to help or what could have happened to make Kelce act like this.You eventually got him to stand up, holding your hand as you practically dragged him.He sat on your counter, hands shaking as you got him some water and squeezed lemon juice into it.

His eyes were puffy and red, eyebrows messed up and his nose was irritated.He was a mess.You werent sure if he’d be able to hold the cup on his own, putting it next to him for when he’d be able to. “You okay, little man?”You asked, offering him a towel to wipe his nose with.

He didnt answer but took the towel anyways, holding it to his nose.Rafe came into the kitchen, looking at Kelce with a puzzled expression.Kelce let his eyes fall to Rafe’s neck, letting out a low sigh.Topper was right.

“I dont know what happened...I just got mad and I dont know.I think I blacked out...I dont know.”He muttered.Rafe nodded, understanding. “I was on the phone with Topper.And he-he said that uh….that he told you something.”He glanced over to Rafe, taking in a deep breath.

Your heart dropped into your stomach, looking over to Rafe too. “And he told me...that you and Rafe are dating.I dont know...it’s stupid.”Kelce muttered, looking down into his cup.You bit the inside of your cheek, not sure how what to say or if you should deny it or not.

“Okay...um….okay.”You nodded, thinking about it.You hadnt considered Rafe your boyfriend, things hadnt really gotten that far yet when it came to feelings.Or maybe they had. “It doesnt matter...theres just so much happening and I got stressed and everything just happened so fast and I didnt know what to do.”He explained, squeezing the towel in his hand.

There was no way of getting out of this.Why did life have to be this way? “So um….whats the main problem here?”You asked, remembering how he’d ask you that when you had an anxiety attack.He squeezed the towel harder, wanting to scream.

“Everything is the main problem!I cant-I cant just pretend anymore!Ive been pretending for years and I just cant-do you know how fucked all of this is?”He asked, the towel falling to the floor.On instinct Rafe had pulled you closer to him, not sure what was going to happen but was more than shocked when you moved away from him.

“What do you mean you’ve been pretending?”You asked, not understanding what he was talking about.He laughed, his eyes watering again. “Havent you noticed?Four years, (Y/N)!Four fucking years i’ve been in love with you and you havent noticed and im trying my best to keep it from you cause its not your problem to deal with but its hard, okay?I’ve been trying to control myself and control everyone else and I know its fucked, alright?And then Rafe just takes you away and he knows too!And he’s known about Topper-thats so goddamn fucked!”Kelce exclaimed, standing up now.

He didnt even know what he was saying, ranting about all of his thoughts. “How are you so oblivious?How have you not seen the signs?dont you see how mad Topper gets when you’re all over Rafe?If you love Rafe thats fine but could you at least let us know so that we dont have that little bit of hope?Cant you just do that for me?”He asked, his breathing shallow.Rafe looked over at you too, waiting for you to reply.He knew he loved you.He had known for a long time that it was something more than a little crush.

Topper walked up your driveway, nearly losing his balance a few times on the way to your door that was open for some reason.He was glad that it was darker out so he didnt have to worry about wearing the ugly sunglasses his doctor told him to wear.

“Guys?”He called out, hearing shouts from the kitchen.Rafe peaked out from the kitchen, frowning when he saw Topper. “What the hell is going on?”The blonde asked, coming into the kitchen.You looked over at him before looking back over to Kelce. “Topper-I think you were right.”Kelce replied quietly, looking at you.

“Can you guys shut the hell up?”Rafe asked, becoming increasingly annoyed with the situation. “Kelce, man, I get what you’re trying to say but none of this is helpful, okay?”Rafe asked, surprising himself.This was usually Kelce’s job.

“No, Rafe, it’s not okay.I cant just pretend that I dont feel the things I do anymore.I get that you dont have to hide it anymore and thats fucking fantastic for you but I dont want to hide it either, ight?”Kelce took in a deep breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

You felt Topper staring at you, regretting coming over here.He figured that he hadnt left things on the best note, wanting to come over and talk to you a little more since he was sure that he had freaked you out.

Somehow the four of you ended up on the floor, glancing at eachother as you all calmed down. “Rafe and I....we arent dating.”You spoke up, hoping that it wouldnt start another argument.

Rafe licked his lips, taking in a deep breath through his nose.He knew that it wasnt official but he hoped that you didnt see him as just a friend with benefits.

“You dont have to date someone to love them, (Y/N).”Topper reminded you, his eyes trapped on his casted arm that rested in its black sling.You huffed, resting the back of your head on the cabinets.

“I know, Top.I know....”You mumbled, tapping your fingertips on your kneecap. “Listen, im sorry for being a bitch.Its just...I dont know.I think I need to figure myself out.Between you guys and my parents I just bottle everything up.I shouldnt have blown up like that.”Kelce admitted, relieved when you reached over and squeezed his hand.

“I get it, bubs.You know you can always talk to us, right?”You asked, wanting to hug him tightly and never let go but you figured it woul probably be awkward for him under these circumstances.

“Yeah.”He replied, scratching at his eyebrow. “(Y/N)...you know we cant just forget that this conversation happened.We have to talk about this.”Topper spoke sternly, knowing that you would try to change the topic.Rafe nodded in agreement, wanting to know where he stood with you.

“I know, I know.But....I dont think I know how I feel if im being honest.But if-when I do ill let you guys know, okay?”You asked, your heart pounding in your chest.You were such a liar.You werent supposed to lie to your bestfriends.

They all mumbled, shrugging.It wasnt exactly understandable but you assumed that it was a yes anyways, slowly standing up.Your legs were still partly tingling because of Rafe but you were just glad you could walk.

“im going upstairs.You guys should just stay here for the night.”You told them, heading up to your bedroom quickly.You laid down on your bed, wishing that you had never slept with Rafe.Maybe that wouldnt make things so difficult for you right now.You couldnt imagine how upset you had made Rafe just a few moments ago.

“It doesnt matter if she ends up dating me, you know she cares about you guys more than anything else.”Rafe told them, biting the inside of his cheek.Topper chuckled, shaking his head.

“You always get everything you want, Rafe.You get all her attention and even when I was in the hospital all she cared about was you.”He replied, glaring at his friend.Kelce groaned, resting his head against his palm.

“We had to drag her out of the hospital, Topper.Literally.”He laid down on the tile floor, staring at the ceiling. “Come on, Kelce.She goes to you about everything.You know a whole side of her that we’ve never seen.That’s special.”Topper answered, wondering what kind of secrets Kelce knew that he didnt.Kelce’s eyes widened, sitting up again.

“Wait-she doesnt tell you guys about our cooking talks?”Kelce asked.They shook their heads, chuckling. “Nope, might as well tell us about it.”Rafe grinned, excited to hear stories.Kelce smiled, feeling his face heat up.That meant it was his special thing that he had with you and noone else.

“hmm...no.I’ll just keep it to myself.”Kelce answered, hearing them groan. “Wow, I see how it is.”Topper smiled.They sat on the floor talking for hours, eventually getting up and making a huge pot of ramen.

“So what did you miss most while you were in the hospital?”Kelce asked, stirring the noodles. “Movie nights, one thousand percent.”He grabbed a bowl from the cabinet.

He thought about it constantly at night when you were asleep next to him on the hospital bed.He wondered what movies you’d all be watching together if he hadnt left the house that night.Rafe smiled, grabbing a fork.

“We can have one of those now.I’ll go get (Y/N).”He turned to leave but was stopped by Kelce. “I’ll go.”He said quickly, not waiting for an answer before jogging upstairs.You had fallen asleep face down on your bed, snoring into the pillow.He stood in the doorway for a moment, listening to your breathing.

He sat at the foot of the bed, tapping your leg lightly. “Nooo....”You mumbled, moving your arms under the pillow to get more comfortable. “(Y/N), do you want some ramen?”Kelce asked, trying not to laugh.

“hmmm....”You hummed into the pillow. “(Y/N).”He whispered again. “Whatttt?”You asked, voice muffled by the pillowcase. “Ramen.”He repeated, feeling you shift around.

“What kind?”You asked, still half asleep. “Chicken with butter and garlic and fried egg.”He answered.You placed your head back on the pillow, thinking about it but slowly drifting into sleep again.

“(Y/N).”He laughed, laying down to face you. “Yeah?”You asked, eyes squinting. “Ramen.”He repeated once more.You hummed, wrapping your arms around him. “No.”You answered.

“You dont want ramen?”He asked, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “Yeah.”You answered, mouth slightly open as your face pressed against his shirt. “You want ramen?”He asked, scratching at your side.

“Yeah.”You answered, your voice high pitched from sleep. “You gotta get up.”He told you, smiling to himself when your grip tightened. “No.”You answered, your leg falling across his stomach.

“then you dont get ramen.”he answered. “Rude.”You grumbled, refusing to move off of him.He laughed, glad that you werent acting any different after everything that had happened.

He held on tight to you, rolling off the bed. “Put me down.”You yawned, wrapping your arms around him. “No.”He answered, walking down the stairs with you.The scent of ramen and garlic filled your nostrils, hearing a bowl being set down on the marble countertop.

Kelce put you down on one of the chairs, pushing a bowl of ramen in front of you.They were just poking at their noodies, swirling them onto their forks before letting it fall back into the bowl.

“My mom called.”Topper blew on some noodles before shoving them in his mouth. “Shes mad about the car.She’s still in California.”He replied, getting another bite full.

“At least you dont have to deal with her.”Rafe shrugged, looking for the brightside of things.Topper just hummed, staring into his bowl.None of you spoke after that, eating some ramen but not bothering to put the dishes in the sink.

“Topper wanted to have a movie night.”Rafe mumbled, glancing over to Topper.You simply nodded, getting up and going into the living room.You curled yourself up into the corner of the couch, a pillow to your chest.

Kelce was on the other end of the couch, Topper on the floor next to him while Rafe sat not too far in front of you, reaching for the remote.Everything just felt so dead.

You wanted to reach out and play with Rafe’s hair or lean against Kelce but you knew not to for the sake of the others.You tried watching the movie, the volume low so that it wouldnt hurt Topper’s head.

It was some sort of dog movie from the early 2000s.Kelce was the first to fall asleep, snoring against the arm rest.Rafe was confused, not understanding what was going on.He was the second to fall asleep, face in the carpet not even half way through the movie.

“Top, you awake?”You whispered, the movie in a dark scene right now. “Yeah, why?”He asked, looking over in your direction. “I dunno.You wanna talk?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet so you wouldnt bother Rafe or Kelce.Topper hummed, standing up slowly.

“You wanna go outside?”He asked, already heading for the slider door.You followed him outside, hearing crickets and the sound of you pool.The two of you sat on the pavement by the water, staring at the lit up pool.

“What do you want to talk about?”He asked, sticking his feet into the water.You just shrugged, not really knowing. “Do you wanna talk about earlier?”You asked, hoping that it wasnt too forward.

“What about it?”He asked.You sighed, regretting bringing it up again. “I dont know, I just think we left off at a bad note.”You replied, sticking your hand in the water out of curiosity. “Yeah, yeah we did.But its either you love me or you dont, either is fine.”He replied, ignoring the pit in his stomach.

You remained silent, thinking. “Do you think its possible to love more than one person at a time?”You asked.His eyebrows raised at your words, blowing out a puff of air.

“Well, its possible to hate more than one person at a time.Love and Hate are the same thing in the end.”He answered, kicking his feet back and forth under the surface of the water.

“What does that mean?”You asked, not used to him saying things like that. “Well think about it.Love is just an extreme like and hate is just an extreme dislike.So if it was in a circle that means that hate and love touch.”He answered, dragging his fingernail against the pavement to make a small circle.

You nodded, flicking his finger. “So you think I can love more than one person at once?”You asked, wanting him to clarify.He nodded slowly. “I mean, you love Bucky and Henry Bowers and Jack Frost.Real people arent that different.We might be less attractive but not that different.”He answered, reaching for your hand.

“Its okay if you havent figured things out yet, just let me know when you do.”He flashed you a grin that you could tell wasnt genuine. “But you know I love you no matter what, right?Like....even if I dont love you like that I still love you.”You told him, squeezing his hand lightly.

He nodded. “I know, bitch.”He laughed. “The only bitch here is you, bottom.”You replied, hoping he wouldnt push you into the water. “Last time I checked I wasnt a female dog.”He smiled, chuckling when you rolled your eyes. “What are you?12?”You asked.He nodded. “On the inside.”He replied.

Two chapters left-FUCK IM NOT READY

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148 notes · View notes

ivyuns · 3 years

Text

landing in my heart: secret

han jisung

genre: angst

word count: 2.6k

warnings: lost in north korea, violence, mentions of chopping a head off, military stuff, mentions of car accidents, weapons, mentions of ending life and disorders (at the end), grammer mistakes, if i missed anything, lmk :)

part two of landing in my heart

landing in my heart information

2001

“y/n, choose your future!”

from that day, you always made the right choices. looking in front of you, you saw items which predicted your future by grabbing an item. instead of an item, you grabbed your fathers hand.

till that day on, you successfully opened your own fashion store. cutting the ribbon for your grand opening.

now that you heard jisung telling you to take the right path, you went to the other way. the night when jisung pulled you and hid you in his chest, you looked up in shock.

“oh my. i cant believe we met again”

“i thought you left”

you start flirting with jisung to get your way with him. smiling while jisung stares at you. ‘should i just kill her’ jisung thinks.

the following morning, you wake up and see yourself in the mirror. face full of marks and cuts. grabbing a cup of water and pour it into the bucket, you clean your face. “its okay, you’ll get through this yoon y/n”

as youre telling yourself to calm down in the bathroom, jisung makes you breakfast. “i-i dont know what you guys do but we usually give the host the first bite” you said, giving jisung a spoonful of the food, he stares at you.

“what wrong?” you asked. jisung sighs and crosses his arms. “are you concerned of whats in the food? because its poisonous?” putting the spoon back onto the food, you gave you. “im sorry if i offended you. but please do understand why im acting like this. wouldnt it be ridiculous for me to be trusting someone at this point?”

“hm, i guess youre right” lifting you head, you smiled. “see! i was correct-” “but you made an emergency landing at the DMZ while flying an unpowered aircraft on a windy day. right as the electric wires were working, you crossed it and came to a military housing area. ill sound crazy to believe someone like you”

“dont tell me youre suspecting me, thinking im a - spy. in fact i believe people are looking for me considered im famous down there” you paused, “one everyone knows im here, the south korean government, military authorites, and the UN wont stay still” jisung nods his head in agreement. “then, nobody should know youre here. i wont tell them”

jisung stands up and gathers your plate. hearing a knock, you look at jisung as he goes and looks who is here.

looking outside the gate, he sees hyunjin outside. “ah, captain han. i didnt know you went home early so i looked everywhere for you. so i knew you were home when i saw smoke from the chimney” hyunjin says and goes inside jisungs house without permission.

“oh and good news. about that south korean girl-” “listen she’s” “shes dead!” hyunjin laughs. “i know youre shocked too because i am too! there was an accident on the mountain and reporters said there was a young woman there” jisung shakes his head, “no thats not it hyung-” “aye, if im wrong then you can chop off my head” jisung nods his head and leads hyunjin back to the gate “wait let me use the bathroom real quick”

as both of the boys went to the entry way of the house, hyunjin takes off his shoes and talks about you. as he takes his shoes off, you went to lean on the door frame. hyunjin turns around and gets scared of seeing to woman he was talking about.

“how do you chop someone’s head off? ive never done it before” you spoke. with hyunjin’s mind going everywhere, he manages to speak to jisung. “c-captain han, whats going on here?” after realization, you realized he was the one who tried to shoot you. “y-you. it was you! you shoot the bullet at me!”

settling down, jisung rubs his temples as you tried to explain hyunjin that youre not a spy. “do you have trouble understanding or something?” “captain, do you have a shovel i can borrow?” you explain everything that had happened when you ran away, hyunjin gets scared and sits next to jisung.

moments later, another knock comes from jisung’s gates. opening the gate, he sees seungmin, felix and jeongin with food and drinks. “captain han! did you hear the news? the one with the young lady-” “thats not true” jisung cuts off felix.

“you must be jeongin” you called out. jeongin turns around and sees you. “yes, and who are you?” crossing your arms and leaning on the door frame, “i heard you might face a dishonored discharge. that means youll lose the job that you really need” you told him with a scared hyunjin next to you. “i-i thought she died!” jeongin screams and turns to the other two men next to him.

“and ah! youre felix! so tell me, which kdramas did you watch before leaving the post?” you pointed your finger at him. “stairway to heaven” felix answers. “ah thats a pretty old one. its the one with jiwoo and sangwoo right? im close to them, they live a few houses away from me” “is that true?!” felix smiles as seungmin tells him to stop.

telling everybody to come inside to talk, you demand them to take you back where you first landed in north korea. “im afraid we cant do that” jisung answers. “captain han, just let her be. let her get fried in the fences and say ‘so this is how the fences feels like’ if she’ll ever learn” hyunjin laughs out. giving a death glare at him, he stops laughing and puts on a straight face.

“basically, we cant go back to the post because we finished our job for two months and cant return there for a few months” jisung continues. “but you have a choice; i take you to the state security department. they may let you go home. or you stay here but heres a few rules. one, dont talk to us. and two, dont leave the house until we get you back home” jisung finishes. “my dad does a boat-to-boat. where a small boat goes to the international oceans and meets up with the bigger boats to another country” felix tells you.

nodding your head and agreeing with the second choice, the boys goes and makes you food since you were begging them to give you meat. after the food is done, you all eat as jisung steps back. “we must return to our post after this” jisung speaks out. “what? so i have to be alone now?” you exclaimed. “yah, do you just expect captain han to just stay here with you?” hyunjin jokes. “if you need anything thats urgent, press 8 on the cell phone and ill answer it in the outerpost”

instead of calling him for emergencies, you only called him, asking silly stuff. asking wheres the body wash, shampoo, and conditioner and wheres the candles, he responds with the bar of soap. you then call him how to take a bath since theres no modern showers inside his house. “you need to fill up the bucket with hot water. then take the tarp and hang it up with the clothes pin above the bucket. make sure to tuck the tarp under the bucket so theres no airflow. youll have your shower after that”

doing what jisung told you, you were surprised on how they lived. finally finishing, you went in the bucket after taking your clothes off. “ah this feels nice”

jisung, who was still in the office, got another phone call. “what is it now- ah master sergeant, whats the matter?” jisung answers to the sergeant. “its about the tomb raiders. they were killed in an accident on the mountain” jisung quickly hangs up and goes to the security state department and tell cheolgang.

he shows his military id to enter the place before the other military men opens the gate for jisung. as he goes to the room that cheolgang is in, he tells him what happened. “yes, i know what happen. but what can we do” cheolgang asks. “i believe there needs to be an investigation. what car did they crash into? was it on accident or on purpose? if it was on purpose, who was behind this? and why accidents like this keeps happening. so im asking if i can look into it” jisung says. cheolgang nods his head “go ahead. you should go to the headquaters in pyongyang tomorrow morning and get more information” he answers. jisung gets up and leaves.

the senior coloniel, who was next to cheolgang the whole time, asks cheolgang whats going to happen now. “dont worry about it, we hired somebody since hes responsible for a billion won scheme”

china.

minseok and his bodyguard enters the hotel where theyre supposed to meet someone. after finding the person, they talk about how minseok should be safe in north korea after passing through the other countries without being caught by sehyeong. minseok signs the contact and goes to his new home in north korea with extra protection.

back in north korea in the village, the kids were playing outside as you were still hidden in jisungs place. the mothers came out and gather their kids since it was dark and late and was now time for dinner. however, upil didnt leave until his dad showed up.

as manbok calls his son’s name, upil goes and hugs him and enters their house with upil’s favorite donut.

meanwhile in jisung’s house, you finished your bath and the lights go out. “whats going on? havent i had enough suprises today?”

the whole village had a blackout and you were scared. making your way to the telephone, you called jisung. only to be declined. you were hearing noises and you felt like you were going to be caught soon. closing the blinds, the noises were getting clearer.

grabbing the nearest item to hit the intruder, you were stopped as you saw jisungs face. tears threatened to spilled as your emotions came down are you. “why are you here” you said, lowering the item. “you said you needed a candle” jisung grabs the candle from the bag and gives it to you. “you said you needed it when you took a bath and when you sleep” “thats just a candle. i need a scented one” more tears spilled and jisung takes the item out of your hand.

“im sorry, you probably feel frustrated right now. but i just cant believe what im going through right now” sobs left your mouth as jisung guilty.

ranting to jisung about your problems back in south korea, you couldnt help but spill more tears. feeling frustrated at yourself back then, you felt bad for jisung since you were just crying in front of him. jisung puts his finger on the flame of the candle that was on. “there, i cant see you anymore” jisung reassures you that everything will be okay soon. he gets up and grabs his hat. “where are you going?” “i need to get on a train in the morning to pyongyang” he answers

“i dont know when ill be back so i might not see you when you leave. but my comrades will help you get on the boat in a few days. heres some things i bought that you needed” jisung says and hands you a bag and leaves the house. you open the door before he could leave.

“excuse me, but what is your name? i want to remember it to return the favor later” “you dont have to, there was no favor in the beginning. so its better to not remember it. and as i said before, dont tell anyone about this when you go back” nodding your head, jisung leaves the place.

going back inside, you open the bag and its full of the stuff you asked for earlier. looking at every product, you realize its from south korea. everything that you needed was in the bag, including undergarments and medicine for your cut.

jisung arrives pyongyang. hes then stopped for an investigation. jisung is led to a torture room to be questioned about the robbers. myeongseok enters the room and sees jisung being yelled at throught the glass window. he barges into the room and kicks the person who was asking jisung questions and aggravating him. “what are you doing? this is the directors son” myeongseok yells at the person, who is shocked.

myeogseok apolgizes to jisung and leads him somewhere to let jisung tell him what he needs to know.

the person who was just yelled at calls cheolgang and tells him that jisung is the directors son of general politics and gets angry.

later the night, jisung and myeongseok are talking about how jisung was to investigate into the car accident recently. “do you perhaps think this accidents was like your brothers?” jisung thinks to what myeongseok ask, and realizes the accident could be like his brothers. the same truck that ran into his brothers car and the others that the trucks ran into.

after company five visited you, they came back to the military zone to get some rest. they happened to see cheolgang leaving the place and quickly straightens up and salutes him. “fifth company, where are you guys coming from?” cheolgang asks. “from fixing the pump in out captains house sir” hyunjin replies. “ hes in pyongyang so good job”

“yes sir. may i ask where youre heading sir” seungmin asks. “lately were have lots of runaways so im going to run random house inspections today” “tonight sir?” hyunjin asks. cheolgang nods and felix starts hiccuping. “whats wrong with him?” “nothing sir. we missed what was in front of us, therefore the runaways must be in the military base. i believe that is a wise plan sir” hyunjin responds quickly. cheolgang nods and tells them to hurry inside and get some sleep.

they quickly go inside and hyunjin calls jisung as seungmin makes sure nobody is coming inside the room theyre in. “captain han, theyre doing random house inspections tonight. but we told the south korean woman not to answer any phone calls. so theyres no way to tell her” hyunjin tells jisung. jisung then hangs up and asks myeongseok for a favor.

jisung quickly drives back to the village as cheolgang arrives in front of jisungs house since is was the next house on the list. seeing the lights on, he doesnt believe that jisung is back from pyongyang.

looking through jisungs stuff, you look into a book that seems familiar. opening the book, you see an application form. “i swear i saw this face before” you were disturbed by your thoughts when you heard knocking. “captain han jisung! were here for house inspecting!” putting everything away, you hid in jisungs kimchi cellar, which was underground. cheolgang unlocks the gate and finds jisung as he sees the cellar’s blanket off of the door.

opening the door, the investigators finds you and clucks their guns. as youre forced to get off of jisungs property, everyones asking you questions as your hands are up in defense and silent. “it doesnt matter. once shes at the state security department, these muted people will talk” cheolgang says.

as a bright light flashes through, everyone stops and looks at the car in front of them. jisung stops the car and gets out to walk towards you and cheolgang. cheolgang suddenly aims his gun at you as tears fell.

“what are you doing to my fiancee?”

“what did you just say?”

“i would appreciate if you put the gun away from my fiancee”

additional ending:

location: switzerland

“its invalidation in our institute regulations, im sorry” the woman tells you after your request. “but why? i heard i can end my life here sure i have no physical pain, but i feel extraordinary pain in my mind. depression, panic disorder, eating disorder, insomnia, what all do i have to name? ” you questioned.

“we always recommend the sight seeing of switzerland to our visitors. most of our visitors change their minds after sight seeing. i dont know why you want to end it, but im sure youll be one of them”

after doing what the woman had told you, you went to visit a place where you can paraglide. amazed at how amazing paragliding looked, a guy stopped right next to you, admiring the view with you.

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words-for-holland · 4 years

Text

Happier (8) | T.H.

Summary: Tom, Harrison & Harry have a talk about Y/N. Our broken up couple has their first physical conversation with each other. Natalie has a little talk with a certain someone. Does another truth unfold?

Masterlist

A/N: To the readers, thank you for all the support! More drama to come!

Confrontation

No one likes it, but sometimes it’s needed to get a point across. Another use, to threaten another and instill fear, but we’ll get to that when we cross that bridge.

Harrison and Harry settled Tom down in the kitchen, ready to confront him about everything that’s happened. Tom fidgets with his fingers, unsure of what’s to come. All he knew, was he was furious that they both went to see Y/N, and didnt tell him. “Look”, Tom starts off, clearly impatient waiting on their prepared speech. “I just want to know why you left to see Y/N and didn’t tell me. Why am I being kept in the dark with everything?”

“Becuse you couldn’t figure it out. Even after being baby fed the information.” Harry says abruptly, his arms crossed as he stared down at his brother

Tom scoffs at the response, rolling his eyes. “How can I figure anything out when you all keep it a secret from me?! Mind you that all of this involves MY girlfriend and OUR relationship! And you have the balls to go out to find Y/N in secret and not tell me because I cant figure out a fucking thing in this chaotic fucking mess?!” Tom rants out, eyes and voice filled with anger and jealousy. He wasn’t sure if his yelling was towards the boys or if it was more toward himself, because deep down Tom knew he should have tried harder, but didn’t.

“No. Don’t you dare turn this on us, and make us look like we’re the bad guys.” Harrison snaps as he looks down at his best mate. “Just because you don’t know half the things that are going on, doesn’t mean you can be mad at us. Even when the words are written in stone, you’re still a complete div to not be able to comprehend it.”

“I dont understand.” Tom mutters as he looks at the table, trying his hardest to figure all this out. He had already talked to Natalie days ago about Kate and the pictures, but said she had nothing to do with it. They couldnt possibly mean there was more to the story other than Natalie being a complete piece of work.

“Read the fucking signs, Tom!” Harrison yells out. “I know you talked to Y/N that night about Kate and what did you say?”

Tom looks up at him, realizing what this is about. It wasn’t just about the pictures. It was more than that, something Tom should have realized and reacted to the moment it happened. “I said I was sorry and didn’t know what to say.” He mutters, his face now displaying a sense of guilt. “Fuck!” He whispers.

“Yeah start crying about it now you div!” Harry comments roughly, before continuing his speech. “Kate didn’t just backstab Y/N. She went behind the both of you. She was the spark that ruined your relationship, and you don’t know what to say to that?”

Tom shakes his head, realizing his mistake. For someone that works to display his emotions on screen, he failed miserably when it came to real life situations. It was miscommunication for him, the boys, and Y/N. In his mind, he was more pissed that Y/N was left there to think that he didnt care as much when in actuality he cared a lot. More than anyone would ever know, he cared the most. “No you all don’t understand that wasn’t my intention. Fuck!” He screams in frustration.

“Really and what was your intention then?” Harrison questioned, sarcastically intrigued to know Tom’s excuse.

“She lost her best friend. Fuck, she lost the only other person in her childhood that stood up for her, before this whole bullshit. That right there was more important than our relationship. I know shes the reason I got into this PR mess, the runors exploding, and pushed Y/N away fron me, but Kate betrayed Y/N’s friendship and trust. I didn’t say shit because I didnt want to make it about us. I wanted it to be about her and what she needed.” Tom spilled out, sighing deeply. Silence filled the air, and neither spoke for a minute, sinking in everything that’s happened.

“What she needed was you, Tom.” Harry said as both he and Harrison made their way out the kitchen, not until leaving Tom with a final warning. “We get that Kate maybe the reason she started all of this....but that doesn’t mean it ends with her.”

It left Tom wondering. Again, he had just talked to Natalie about the whole blackmail pictures but said she had nothing to do with it. Then again, she always wanted him to push away from Y/N. A talk he hoped would clear some answers, only left him with more questions. He knew who he had to talk to if he wanted straight answers, and she was going to give them whether she liked it or not.

Y/N had managed to avoid Tom the first week of her return in London. Sadly, it could only be said for that one week, and she had no one to thank, but a sink filled with dirty dishes to wash. Tom made his way into the kitchen by chance to grab sa quck bite to eat when he saw Y/N. It was his chance, he had to take it. It was now or never.

As he walked in, he made eye contact with her to which she responded with a slight smile and a nod. It was silent, nothing but the clashes of dishes and water running. “Do you want some help?” Tom asked with a smile. Might as well make the first move, he was a gentleman after all.

Y/N nodded as she handed him a dish towel, implying for him to dry and stack the dishes away while she washed. They continued this routine for a while, until Tom couldn’t take it anymore. “What happened to us Y/N? We were never like this in person. Hell the phone conversations we had the past weeks are more lively than this.” He confesses as he looks into her eyes.

Y/N shakes her head as she returns to her dishes. “There’s just nothing to say anymore. We’ve said everything we needed to say....Now things are just clockwork.”

“That’s not true. I know you still are keeping things from me. There’s more to this than Kate...” He waits for her to answer, but judging from the hesitation and the look of fear that dwelled in her eyes, his assumption was correct.

“You want to know everything?” Y/N asks as she looks in his eyes.

“Yes. I want to help you. I want us to be back to where we used to be before you left.”

Y/N sniffles as she shakes her head. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” He asks softly, hoping she will open up.

Y/N looks at Tom, taking a deep breath before she decides to tell him. She thought of the possibilities and the consequences that would come about. Kate was gone but it didnt mean Unknown wasn’t still out there. Everything had been so quiet the past few days, it almost seemed like she could breathe without having someone threaten her. Then again maybe her subconcious was right. Maybe it wasn’t a person anymore...Maybe it was just her.

Her mind wandered to Tom, who was staring at her waiting patiently for her story. Opening up her mouth, would be unleashing Pandora’s box and all hell could break loose. Blackmail, shattered dream, shattered relationship, broken trust, it would all come to the surface. The worst part...it wouldnt just stop there. But in this moment, Y/N didnt care. She had kept things bottled up from him for as long as she had. He deserved to know, he was a part of this as much as everyone. Maybe if Y/N kept Tom at bay, it would just be enough to statisfy Unknown and keep things as they were. Safe.

“Before I left...” Y/N starts off, her lower back leaning against the sink, eyes looking down as she lets out a deep sigh. “ There were already rumors of you and Natalie. Speculations that you’d be an item.”

“And you believed that?” Tom interrupts, his eyes rolling, unamused by how the story was starting. “Y/N if you were just jealous. Why didn’t you just say —“

“You think I didn’t know that?” Y/N fires back, scowling her eyes towards Tom, only to receive a knowing look from him that indicated to stop lying to herself. “Whatever. Yeah maybe I was a little when I saw how close you two got and how it just built the rumors. Did I want to tell you? Sure, but that didnt mean I could.”

“Im not following.” Tom comments, his messy eyebrow raised in confusion. “So you wanted to tell me..but couldn’t?”

Y/N nods, taking in another deep breath. “As the days went by, I started getting unknown text messages. At first they started off vague, saying how I didn’t belong with you. Look how much happier you were with Natalie. Did he ever do that with you? Did he ever smile at you like that? I bet he doesn’t love you anymore.”

Y/N’s eyes water as she relived the conversations, small sniffles escaping her nose. Tom was at a loss for words. He couldn’t for the life of him understand why someone would text complete lies to her. He was getting mad by the second as he heard each insulting sentence that came out of her mouth. “Y/N..” he says.

She shook her head as she continued. “But the insults started to become threats. They knew everything about me and was willing to use you as blackmail. If I didn’t breakup with you...they’d make sure you’d never live out your dream again. And for the life of me I wasn’t going to let that happen.” She cried, hiding her sobbing face in hands.

Tom quickly rushes to her, taking away her hands so he could look into her eyes. He held her close, cradled her tiny body into his arms as she tried to slow her breathing. “Then I found out Kate was behind the pictures and the start of the rumors, and now we’re here. I don’t know what to do anymore Tom. Everything’s just been so fucked up.”

“Hey, its okay. Im okay. I’m not gonna let them hurt you like this.” He cooed. “I dont give a fuck if it ruins my career or not. I care about you. You come first, that’s not going to change. But it’s over now, right? Let’s just move on from it. Ill break the PR, I’ll make sure Kate doesn’t walk away from this without serious consequences, I wont keep you a secret if it means it’ll fix everything.”

Y/N pushes away from Tom, reluctantly. She knew how much he cared for her. He was willing to risk everything just to make sure they would be okay, and in a perfect world, maybe that would have been enough. Could live happily ever after and not have to worry about anything anymore. Both could just walk away from it all if they wanted, but this wasn’t a perfect world. “Just because Kate started it, doesn’t mean it’s over. Unknown could still be out there.” She whispers, afraid of anyone listening.

“Then we find out. Together.” He responds, holding her hand. “I let you slip away once. Im not letting it happen again.”

He looked into her eyes, almost silently asking to hug her once more. Two embrace each other, and stay like that for a while. It had been so long since they felt this sort of comfort, which brought up a familiar and warm feeling for each them. So warm, so familiar...they almost didn’t want to let go. Y/N breathed into him, taking in his cologne, the one she had grown to love over the three years. It felt right. It was home.

But not all moments can last forever. Behind the thin walls was Natalie, who had overheard and seen the entire conversation. Hearing Tom, mention how he’d break the PR for Y/N and how he’d do anything, risk everything to find Unknown, rubbed her the wrong way. The way Tom held Y/N close, made Natalie furious, and as soon as she heard her phone ring, she answered. “He knows you exist.”

“A slight hiccup. He’s so caught up in Y/N, he just can’t see the real you.” The voice reassured. “Dont worry, he’ll love you when she’s out of the picture.”

“There is no out of the picture anymore. You should have heard him...He wont let her go this time.” Natalie answers, discouraged more than ever.

“Then we just have to up the antics. Clearly her dim-witted friend ruined the original plan. Thats the last time I ever trust an American do the dirty work. She can start a fire but can’t be beothered to finish a job. ” The voice scoffs. “If the messages don’t work, threaten her in person. Alone. Make sure Tom doesn’t see you.” The voice orders.

“You know it wont work. She’s not as afraid as she was before.” Natalie whispers as she continues to watch them from a distance.

“Then we’ll give her something to be afraid of. Why do you doubt me?” The voice asked, challenging Natalie. “Is this what you wanted?”

Natalie hesitates. Of course she wanted Tom more than anything in the world, but to what point? To what cost? These questions swirled around her mind as she thought back to how Y/N and Tom interacted in the kitchen. Their bond was so strong, they always found a way back to each other. For a moment...she felt almost bad. “Of course I want Tom.” She answers “but.. I want him to love me the way he loves Y/N.”

The voice scoffs at her response.loud enough for Natalie to hear the disgust in her voice. “Haven’t I taught you anything? Love is superficial gets you nowhere in life. You’re lucky enough that we’re settling for Tom.”

“I...I guess.”

“Then you’ll make sure Y/N stays away. Im doing this for you Natalie. Fame, fortune, your career, and your superficial love life. I want what’s best for you.” The voice becomes calmer more gentle, yet the sinisterness was still very present.

“Yes...mother.” Natalie says sourily.

“Darling, how many times have I told you to only refer to me as your publicist? Now go, before someone finds out about this.” The line drops, and Natalie focuses her eyes on Y/N who leaves for her room. Her eyes narrow, and fill with jealously and guilt. Her mother’s words replying her mind. “He will love you...just get rid of the girl.”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @viwihere @marvelobsessedteenager

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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sukirichi · 3 years

Text

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ]

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan

from track 007.

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ]

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series ( broken records )#tw: toxic

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lia-the-potato05 · 4 years

Text

I want tickles

Reader (Ler) x Taehyung (Lee)

Description: Taehyung wants to be tickled so badly. And happens to find you a good Ler for him.

Author: This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I was busy with other stuff yeh without further a do let's get on with this. Sorry if its not so written well, I didnt had a lot of motivation while writing this.

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧

It was a normal day for Kim Taehyung who was chilling in the living room scrolling down tumblr where he secretly owns a tickle blog. He was in lee mood at the moment after a couples teases thrown at him by his followers

I need tickles. He pouted, staring at the ceiling.

"SAHAHAHAHAVEE MEHAHAHAHA!" All of a sudden he heard a familiar laugh coming from a certain room.

As curiosity took over him he stood up making his way to where the laughing sound was coming from. When he did, he saw Jungkook with his hands pinned above his head by Jimin and you scribbling your fingers on his armpits

"Y/N HAHAHAHA STOHOHOP!" Jungkook screamed in laughter

Taehyung felt his face burning red feeling awkward with the sight infront of him.

"Oh hey Taehyung" You stopped tickling Jungkook and looked at Taehyung who was standing by the door way

"W-what are you doing?" Taehyung asked

"Tickling Jungkook, his been a brat and needs to be punished" You said

"But I said sorry!" Jungkook whined

"Shush! You know that's not how it works, Jimin continue tickling his armpits I'm going for his tummy"

"With pleasure" Jimin grinned as he sat on Jungkook's arms, beginning to skitter his cute fingers all over his hallows

"NOHOHOHOHOHOHO TAEHUHUHUYUNNGG HEHEHELPPP" Taehyung awkwardly looked at Jungkook being wrecked right there right infront of him. Oh how much he envies the younger one

"Yah Taehyung why don't you help us, His feet are available" You suggested

"I-I'm fine guys...I'll just...uhmmm...get water, I'm thirsty. Bye!" With that Taehyung left the scene not wanting to witness more of it

He was at the kitchen drinking a glass of water. He placed the glass down and cupped his cheeks which were still burning from what happened earlier.

"Ah stop it Taehyung ah" He said to himself, lightly patting his cheeks

"Stop what Taehyung?" Taehyung turned around, startled to see you standing behind

"Y-Y/N hey...Didn't see you there" He let out a nervous laugh "Uhmm weren't you just punishing Jungkook or something?"

"Jimin got that covered, I left my phone outside and was gonna record them because they look so cute. But then I heard you talking to yourself just wanna check if your ok"

"Everything's fine, no need to worry about me" You narrowed your eyes at Taehyung not believing what his saying but decided to let it slide for now

"Ok then...I'll go get my phone now" After you left Taehyung alone in the Kitchen he let out a sigh of relief

He took out his phone and went to tumblr wanting to post a rant

I have this female friend I'm really close with. And as far as I know she is really a good ler. I've seen her wrecked my friends before and boy she wrecked them good. I wanted her to tickle me too but I doubt she knows my love for tickling. I want to tell her but I don't know how I need help😭

A few minutes after he posted that. It was flooded with his followers simply telling him to just ask you and not to be scared about it "Aish! But it's not that simple" He frowned.

For the whole day he couldn't help but recall the moment wherein you tickled the crap out of Jungkook, imaging himself being in Jungkook's place

•••

A week has passed since that incident. Right now Taehyung was in the middle of finding his phone because somehow he lost it "Aish where is it?" He checked his bed, his nightstand, his desk but its nowhere to be found. He is starting to panick as he ruffled his hair in frustration

"Looking for this?" Taehyung turned to your direction, seeing you leaning on the doorway waving his phone in front of him

"Yes! Thanks Y/N!" Taehyung smiled in relief as he was approaching you to get his phone back

"Wait" You hid his phone behind your back "You know your phone has very interesting information" Taehyung looked at you in confusion

"How interesting of you to have a tumblr account" Taehyung's eyes widened

"Give me back my phone!" Taehyung tried to reach your phone behind your back but you ran to his bed

"You know your password isn't hard to guess, Your birthday really?" Taehyung's face blushed in embarrassment

"I said give me back my phone!" Taehyung ran to you and you were able to dodge him

"You know that one post of yours has piqued my interest, I wonder who that female friend of yours you wanted to be tickled by so badly" You teased the flustered male as he tried getting his phone back from you

"Y/N! Stop that! Just give me my phone!" Your little game of tag has continued on until Taehyung has you pinned on his bed, successfully getting his phone back from you

"You know Taehyung, I don't often assume too much but it felt like that femal friend your referring to is Me" You smirked at Taehyung who couldn't stop blushing

Taehyung tried opening his mouth trying to find something to say to escape from this embarrassing situation but what you said is true afterall.

"So I'm right aren't I?" You were having so much fun teasing Taehyung. You then decided why not give him what he wants?. You started jabbing your fingers into his sides making him collapsed right next to him. You took this chance and sat on his stomach "Oh Taehyung we are gonna have so much fun"

You started skittering your finger nails around his soft tummy. "Y/N Hahahaahahahahahahaha" His cute giggles escaping his pretty lips

"You like that Tae? Hmm? you seem to enjoy it so much"

"S-stohohohohohop" Taehyung grabbed your wrist trying to push them away

"You said you wanted this, don't you dare waste such good opportunity" You grabbed both Taehyung's wrist pinning them above his head. It was good he decided not to fight against it.

You suddenly got an idea in your head "Hey Tae I got a challenge for you and I don't take no as an answer" Taehyung looked at you and gulped, without bothering to let him reply you continued on "I want you to keep your arms up and you have to keep them up for at least 5 minutes if not I'm gonna add another 5 minutes understand?" Taehyung slowly nodded his head "Good"

You slipped your hands inside his shirt and wiggled your fingers on his armpits. "ehehehehehehehehe" Taehyung giggled as bit his lip trying his very best to keep his arms up "Y/N hahahahahahahaha"

"Yes Tae laugh for me, your doing good" You started wiggling your fingers up and down his armpits and into his hallows

"Ihihihihihihitt tihihihihickless sohohohohoho muhuhuhucchhh" His eyes now were tightly shut and now his head waz shaking side to side Cute you thought.

It has been 2 minutes so you decide to take this up a notch and go for his weak spot which you remembered he mentioned in one of his posts. You then went and attack his hipbone using your thumbs drilling into the spot. Successfully you got Taehyung to put his hands down. Realising what he did he widened his eyes as you smirked at him "Uh oh taehyung has put his arms down and it hasn't been 5 minutes you know what that means?" You went and get a thin rope and tied his hands to the head of the bed "Oh how much fun I'm gonna have with you"

You attacked his hips once again wiggling your fingers on that area.

"Y/N! NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Taehyung shrieked kicking his legs as he was left with no choice but to endure the ticklish sensation

"Y/N Yes~" You teased, tickling his hips for a total of 8 minutes now. After that you were kind enough to give Taehyung a break

"Did you enjoy it tae bear?" You asked stroking his soft hair

"I sure did" Taehyung smiled still panting from earlier.

"You know, there's nothing wrong approaching me with this kind of topic I am your friend after all and I'd love to have a daily tickle session with you"

"Yeah I know, thanks"

"No problem" You patted his head "But I'm not ending the session without one thing" You grinned

"W-what is it?" Taehyung curiously asked

"This!" You blew a raspberry on his soft tummy earning girly like squeals from him. You chuckled at the cute reaction and blew a few more raspberries before you finally finished. You untied Taehyung's wrists and ruffled his hair

"You're so cute tae bear"

#tickle #bts tickle fic #tickle fic #lee!taehyung #ler!reader

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justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm.

Levi POV

The M.P expected us to turn Eren in after the failed operation but Erwin apparently had a plan. I woke up and went to the dining hall to find (Y/N) making tea. Just two cups for today. She avoided looking at me. Her eyes were puffy which meant she cried to sleep. I never thought the death of our comrades would make her cry. She didn't seem like someone who would cry about what happened in the past that easily. I didn't want to judge her though because even if I didn't see her get too close to anyone from the team, she still must have cared.

"Rough night?" I asked her as she set down a cup of tea and some biscuits in front of me. "Yeah. A bit" she answered and took a sip of her own tea. There was an awkward silence between us as I didnt know what to say to her. "I wish I died instead. Things would've been better that way" she murmured again and took a biscuit from the plate. "Don't say that. What happened has happened. We can't change anything and I'm glad that you're alive. You're a big asset to the team" I replied. I knew I was bad at giving condolences to people but this probably was the worst I've ever done.

"You aren't glad captain. Wouldn't you have preferred it if Petra was alive instead? After all, you were supposed to get married to her. I... I could've saved her you know. But I didn't because I had some personal issues with her. I wasted that one second of advantage that I had over the female titan just because I didn't know which would've been the right decision. The one I made was clearly wrong, by general ethics and also because it caused a lot more trouble for you and uncle Erwin. The most horrible thing about it is that I… I felt relieved that she's out of my way. I regret the fact that my decision made someone lose their child and someone lose their… loved one. What I did is a punishable offence and I would gladly accept my punishment." she said looking down at the table.

I sighed at that. Of Course she had something to do with this. Someone with her level of skills could've easily gotten out of that situation.

"(Y/N), I will be blunt with you. What you did was selfish, irresponsible and immature. I won't go on with the ethics here because I personally killed people who had a problem with me back in the underground. However, (Y/N), we are not underground now. We are up here where ethics have value. I personally made some very immature mistakes during my first expedition too, trying to kill Erwin. That got the two people I ever gave a damn about killed. I won't report this to the higher ups because I tried to kill a comrade on my first expedition too due to my selfish whims. However, (Y/N), if anything like this happens again, I won't hesitate to report to Erwin. I care about my comrades and you will have to take responsibility for such actions. The titans are already out to kill us during the expeditions and killing each other won't help humanity or your goals. I won't ask you to be ashamed of what you did. You made the decision and you are owning it. However, I am not proud of what you did. I expected you to be able to keep your personal feelings out of your job. By the way what do you mean by that deal about marriage? Petra had a crush on me but the feeling wasn't mutual. I wish I transferred her to another squad but I can't change anything now. Petra and I weren't supposed to get married. She just ranted about it to her father I suppose so that he could convince me." I said to her in a monotone voice, wondering if that thing about marriage that Petra probably bragged to (Y/N) about made (Y/N) make such a bad decision while her eyes widened.

"But I saw you two kissing... " she started when I interjected "she just confessed her feelings to me then and kissed me out of nowhere and you opened the door before I could process the whole information and push her off me." I explained. "But she told me you are dating her..." she started again and I interjected again to say "She was bluffing" this time annoyed because she just isn't getting the message. "But why.." she started again and I stopped her again to say, "because I like someone else you idiot! ".

At this point, she looked like someone punched her in the gut as a flash of regret glinted in her eyes. It passed in mere seconds before she looked surprised at me and asked, "Heichou, don't mind me asking but are you gay? And is that Eren?" The look on my face probably made her understand how ridiculous that theory is. Why did she even assume that? "Sorry for assuming. But if you're not gay, it must be Hanji.." she muttered and I could see a speck of sadness in her eyes. Does that mean she likes me too?

"Why would I even like that titan loving shitty glasses? She's like a sister." I told her in my monotone voice. "Oh! So, is it someone I know?" she asked me. "You do know that I'm your superior right brat? You shouldn't be asking questions like this." I told her. "You told me that I can trust you. Doesn't that mean you should trust me too? And these trust businesses kinda make us friends right? Since we are trusting each other about things that are personal? And I thought friends talk to each other about stuff like who they are interested in." she told me with a straight face but her voice betrayed her. She was nervous.

"What's in it for you?" I asked her. She can't know I'm interested in her. "Just curious. I'm not great at making friends and since I happened to make a friend by myself, I just thought I'll try to make a conversation. Sorry for bothering you captain." she muttered, without looking at me. "Look, it's best if you don't know. I like someone I'm not supposed to. If this gets out, both her and my reputation will be on the line." I explained to her with a serious tone. It was the truth. After a pause, she said, "I happen to be in a similar situation" with a smile. She really should smile more often.

(Y/N) POV

I felt like a complete idiot. Of Course Petra lied. It was all sinking in now. I got someone killed because I was a selfish piece of crap. And to add to my guiltiness, she wasn't even with Levi heichou. How could I do this to her? To her parents? "Why the hell are you still alive! Such a burden... Just get out of my house and die somewhere will you?!" I remember a voice shouting at me, a memory of my childhood, a memory from the underground that never left me. Was I becoming like her? That woman who sold me off to that brothel? Was I becoming like my biological mother? That woman broke every promise she ever made to me. Could I live with myself if I became like that?

I decided not to think more of it because I probably would never be able to look in the mirror and tolerate myself. With that, I stopped thinking about it and just as heichou mentioned that he liked someone, I blurted out that I am in a similar situation without giving it a second thought.

Who was he talking about? That day after looking at Petra kiss heichou, I came to the conclusion that I have feelings for Levi heichou and I don't regret Petra's death because her absence made my insecurities go away. I felt like I'm a monster for thinking that way and cried quite a bit thinking how disappointed my parents could have been, how disappointed everyone would've been in general as I thought about it last night. I also thought that heichou just lost his fiancee and I definitely didn't have a chance because he probably would be too devastated to be with other women.

Now that I knew the truth, I felt plain guilt, however, as there was the slightest possibility that the girl heichou likes could be me, I didn't have any intention to let go of this chance. "I'll tell you who I like if you tell me about you. That way no one can double cross each other." I said to him. "I don't feel comfortable about telling you who she is." heichou stated, not looking at me. I could see him blushing. It was a sight to see.

"We could play a game of 5 questions. We will ask each other 5 questions and both can answer as yes or no. Is that okay?" I proposed. I personally always hated this game that Eren and my fellow members of the 104 trainee corps made up but at that moment, I couldn't think of any other way to get heichou to open my mouth. "Isn't that a children’s game?" heichou asked me, raising an eyebrow. "Well, yes but we don't exactly have things to do right now so why not kill time doing this?" I reasoned. "Yeah I guess we do have some time to kill.." he answered, sounding a bit unsure.

"Do I know her?" I asked. "Yes. And is it a man?" he answered and asked.

"Yes. Is she from the 104 training Corps?" I answered and asked again.

"Yes. Do I know him?" he answered and asked.

"Yes. Was she in the top 10 recruitments?" I answered and asked. A blush formed on my face. So he was into someone from our training Corps..

He looked away and said, "Yes. Is he from the 104 trainee Corps?" The tension between us increased.

"No. Was she in the top 3?" I asked not looking at him. If he says yes, it's either me or Mikasa.

"Yes. Does he happen to be a squad leader?" he asked. His body was tense and he averted his eyes from mine. I did the same since I was too nervous.

"Yes. Was she in the first position?" I almost whispered. I was speechless. I never thought that slightest hope could become something so big.

"Yes. Is he the captain of the survey corps?" he asked while running a hand in his hair. His face looked serious. He was interested in me.

"Yes'' I whispered. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to react. I should've felt happy but in reality, I felt terrified. I knew why I felt that way. It's because the reality sunk into me. The world was a cruel place. Bad things happened whenever I believed in people. I wasn't ready to lose him. I didn't know if I ever could be ready for that. He looked at me with wide eyes. I could see the fear in them. He was scared too and I understood why he felt that way. He was right. This was impossible.

Levi POV

Did we just confess to each other? What the hell am I doing? This isn't like me at all. I seriously agreed to play this stupid game those cadets made up just to know who she had feelings for? I knew that if it wasn't me, I would make their life in the survey corps much more hellish than it already is. Now that I know that it's me, it bothered me that I would have to break her heart.

However, this girl made me make all sorts of bad decisions and I couldn’t even hate her for it. I looked straight at her eyes. She was blushing and her eyes were as terrified and sad as mine. This wouldn't work and she understood it. I was glad that she understood the issue because explaining this would be a big problem.

The silence was broken by Eren. "Hey (Y/N), you made breakfast?" he asked her cheerfully. (Y/N) muttered a "No" with her usual monotone voice. Eren didn't notice the tention in the room because of how stupid he is as he sat down beside (Y/N). "They are late.." I broke the silence.

"I can't believe that good-for- nothing Erwin.. Making me wait. The MPs are going to get here first. Most likely.. He's having some trouble taking a shit." I stated which made Eren laugh while (Y/N) remained stoic. She probably still was processing everything. I took another sip of the tea and placed it on the saucer.

"Heichou, you're pretty talkative today," Eren pointed out nervously. Of Course I was. I confessed to (Y/N) a while back and the situation just got more complicated. I was talking so much because there was too much on my mind. "Don't be stupid. I've always been talkative" I answered instead.

"Eren" (Y/N) called out, her face looked like it had aged suddenly. I knew that she was about to talk about her contribution to the death of my squad to Eren. She seemed more worried about the squad's death.

"I could've saved Petra and that would've saved Oluo but I didn't because of my own personal issues. I was wrong to do that. My priorities shouldn't be greater than anyone's life. I need to know if you can forgive me after hearing this." she told him, her voice monotone.

"(Y/N)... I can't forgive you for the decision you made but, I made a wrong choice too. That was what got you in that situation. It all started from me. Back then, if only I hadn't made the wrong choice things might have been different. Even you were injured..." Eren stated, looking at me at the end.

"I told you two. No one knows how things will turn out. Stop blaming yourselves for this. It's just how the situation was." I answered, shutting them up. The last thing the survey corps needed right now were soldiers that had regrets. Just then Erwin and the others arrived.

(Y/N) POV

Armin came to a conclusion that Annie could be the female titan. The plan was, when the military police would come to escort us, Eren, Armin and Mikasa would sneak out. They would take Annie to the abandoned underground city in stohess district and fight her there with some other survey corps soldiers and with Eren's titan powers. I was supposed to be with Levi Heichou and Uncle Erwin. Both of us were injured and we weren't allowed to participate in the fight.

Everything was going according to the plan until there was a lightning and a gust of smoke. We knew the plan had failed. Commander Nile looked surprised and was talking to Uncle Erwin. I looked at Levi heichou. He was staring at the smoke. Suddenly he looked at me and said, "seems like plan A failed. We need to go somewhere safe until the fight is over. Go tell Erwin to make his conversation quick and get moving". " Yes heichou" I replied and went to Uncle Erwin. My mind was still stuck to the conversation we had this morning. Heichou was right. It was impossible. But... If I couldn't have the one I love, I couldn't reach my goal of happiness. In that case, what's the point of being alive?

To be continued...

Taglist: @kingtamakimurder @realityisoftendisapointing

#levi aot #levi heichou #levi ackerman #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #aot x reader #aot anime #aot fanfiction #aot

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

Text

Pink and blue clouds (Holy, Part 3.)

Series description: Your bestie Kim was a free-spirited person who wasn’t exactly concentrated on finding herself a partner. Yet one day, she recieves a phone number and this time, you didn’t want to keep the person on the other end hanging. And so, you text them, no matter who they are.

Part summary: You learned that alcohol makes people much more courageous - and you also established an internet friendship.

A/N: I'm sorry for typos and stuff, I'm not on my PC and this one had broken keyboard, so most of it was written on phone. ❤️

Word count: 2.2 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @deadpoolcouldshootme

Sydney’s tape: go fuck yourself

Series masterlist: H E R E

You've spent hours texting that person that night, trying to get to know them... At least a bit. Sure, it was still weird as hell to text someone completely strange, but since you were drunk, it didn't come across to be as weird as you'd normally say. The only thing you remembered, but weren't sure about, was that the person on the other side of the screen was a girl. You quite vaguely remembered Aaron saying that it's a she. But you were cool this time; she used the word cool a serious lot.

Whoever she was, she was right about the clouds that day. They were everywhere on the scale from blue to pink, making you notice that most likely, it will be very windy the following day. She told you that she was reading a book - she didn't tell you the title, but she hinted at the genre being fantasy or something like that; her brother liked superheroes and fantasy, so she wanted to know a bit more about it. You told her that you were on a small getaway from Brownsville, telling her one important information - you were living in the same town as she was.

And Sydney could tell that you were drunk as fuck. But... She thought it's funny. Your little spelling errors were funny, cute almost. Honestly, you seemed to be cute as a whole. And she hadn't even seen your face, your personality didn't come through the texts at that point, but yeah, you were cute and cool. She didn't even know if you're a girl or a boy, or someone who identifies themselves differently. But drunk you? That put a smile on her face. And a big one. Especially when you asked if she likes chocolate ice cream while misspelling the whole damn sentence.

You chatted nonsense for a moment before saying goodbye. Honestly, it was almost a problem to walk back inside the cabin in one piece since you've drunk almost three beers while chatting with the girl. When you almost broke down the door and looked around the room, Kim was suddenly present again - with the girl sitting next to her, wrapping all her limbs around Kimberly. And each of them was looking at you, acting silly and being drunk. Great. The remnants of your reputation were now in complete ruins.

"Where you've been for so long?" - Kim asked while standing up. You expected a lot, but you were quite amused by her reaction. When you snickered, Kim just rolled her eyes. You were done for. - "I was at... None of your business, Kim. I can ask you the same question, let's see how she'd like it." - Your eyes rolled down to Kim's girl, who just widened eyes and reddened completely. - "When did you got so fucking drunk?" - Kim asked only, taking your beer and the pack chips from your palm. At that, you giggled again. - "Wouldn't you want to know, weather boy?" - This time, Aaron chuckled at the vibe quotation.

"Yeah. You're going to the bed, come on." - You didn't want to go to sleep just yet. And no matter how hard you tried to fight back, Kim was almost a hundred times stronger than you. If she'd try a bit more, she'd most likely carry you to the bed with her telekinetic powers. Kim didn't hadn't any powers, but you liked to smack shit when you were drunk. In the end, she helped you to change into pajama, laying you down under one of the warm, fuzzy blankets she found in the house.

At that moment, your phone buzzed once more. Thus sent you on the edge again. Within seconds, you were sitting up, searching for your phone while Kim watched you with an amused smile. When she was done with watching you making a fool out of yourself, she slowly slipped the phone from behind her back. - "Who you're texting? Huh?" - Kim sat down on the bed, knowing just it's an unknown number and that the person was wishing you a good night. It was some time since you and David happened and any indication of you starting another... Something, that was excellent in Kim's opinion.

"I don't want to talk about that. I... Am fucking drunk man, I wanna sleep." - You yawned with a small smile, reading the text on your phone with your own eyes. The girl next to you smiled, even more, leading down to kiss the back of your head before making sure you're tugged in. The impressive thing to note was that you've fallen asleep even before she left the room.

On the other hand, getting up the next morning was a living hell. You felt the light tearing your eyes apart, your head was spinning, there was the heavy feeling in your stomach and all. You hadn't got drunk this much in a long time, so you almost forgot how it's like to have a huge hungover like this. The first thing you did was checking your phone - finding the last and unread message the person had sent you the other night.

And oh boy, when you saw all the texts you've sent them... Fucking God, you were drunk beyond socially acceptable. You couldn't understand half the text you've written in there, but she seemed to understand a lot of them. Also, you didn't have any explicit or weird questions, jokes, or comments, which was a good thing as well. In translation - you didn't make an insufferable jackass out of yourself. This also made you furrow a bit - since when you cared about making a good impression on an unknown person? Sure, your mom taught you manners and good behavior, but... From when did you care about leaving an impression?

Naturally, the first thing you've done was that you've apologized to them.

You: I am sorry for the shit I was texting yesterday. My head wasn't clear and... Yeah.

(Unknown number): I know, you've been drunk as fuck. It was sweet tho.

The girl just called you... Sweet. And you didnt know who the fuck she was. If it even was a girl and if Aaron had understood Stanley in the club you've been all at. Maybe it was a boy. Maybe it was the gay janitor from your school for all you could know. And this person despite not seeing you face to face though you were sweet when you were drunk. After the panic inside you passed, there was this warm feeling - almost happiness, you could say. Suddenly, a smile broke out on your face. Quickly, you laid back down, smiling widely. Holy moly, this was something.

You tried to act as if everything was okay, that there was no hangover and this fact was helping a lot. You even felt so good that you started cooking breakfast for everyone, dancing in the kitchen to quietly playing music. If the music would be a bit louder, you would be falling straight into a rage. So you kept it low under every condition that could come up. When Kim saw you standing in front of the stove, baking the bacon, she just popped her eyes out, sighing loudly.

"What the hell are you doing?" - She giggled, walking next to you. Just because her voice was a bit too loud for you, you groaned loudly. At that, she understood you're not as cool as you seemed to be at first sight. - "Okay, someone having a hangover. But making breakfast? A bald choice." - "I kinda have... A happy hangover." - Was what you answered, making her almost spit out the water she was just drinking. - "What?"

"I dude, I never fucking ever heard of something like a "happy hangover". A good hangover doesn't exist." - The girl swiftly leaned her bottom into the countertop next to the stove, looking you in the face as you mixed the eggs. - "So, there are only two possible reasons - one, you masturbated before getting out, which is, fine." - "Kim! Stop! You fucking pervert!" - You cried back, laughing at her nonetheless. When you pushed her shoulder, she started laughing even more. - "Or the mysterious someone had texted you something sweet. Which, I hope is true."

"Why?" - Was all you asked, turning the crispy bacon on the other side - having a grin breaking on your face. Kim just let out a long sigh, looking around the room you've been in - lingering around the dead moos' head hanging low above the fireplace. - "Because David deserves to see someone else making you happy. The he was supposed to." - Kim whispered. The breakup was pretty harsh, so you knew where this was coming from. Yet at the mention of David's name, your breath hitched and you almost let the pan go.

"Jesus, are you okay?" - Kim freaked out, making sure the pan's on the stove, put there properly. She didn't want you to burn your toes. - "I'm sorry for what I... I didn't mean to..." - "Stop it finally, Kim. I won't fall apart any minute now. I don't even know who is the person I'm texting, I don't know if it will lead anywhere, it's too early to call this a thing or anything else. David happened, I'm far behind it and you will shut the fuck about my relationships and if you don't, Kim, if you won't, I will singlehandedly stick this pan up your fucking ass. Are we clear?"

Whatever this rant was, it made Kim straighten up and pop her eyes out. This wasn't happening very often. You were the least dramatic of your holy trinity, you were the sweet baby everyone loved the most. Everyone was mostly teachers, adults, parents, and these who were normally responsible for stuff since you barely got into trouble. And when you could, you helped around. Yes, sometimes, you didnt have the best dictionary and you were rude, but that happened rarely. And this itsy bitsy rant was one of the rare ones. But Kim could sometimes fucked you up so much that you just let go.

This was almost nothing... But there could be days when you'd be ranting for an hour straight. And with how rarely this was happening, Kim rather quickly realized that you were indeed already fed up with her bringing up David a lot those days.

"Yea. We clear. Sorry, sis." - The girl got out nervously, walking to set the table for you and the others. You weren't ready to talk about... You didn't want to talk about David. And as usual, Kim made it all about David.

That day, you hadn't texted the mysterious girl again, thinking about what Kim had said. Which was bullocks, but you did think about it nonetheless.

But you did text her when you arrived back home - after having a long ass talk with your mom about how was the trip. You couldn't mention any alcohol, of course, but you focused on the other things - like Brock playing with he guitar and grilling with Kim. This made her hum happily, thinking her babygirl is still the sweet girl she always was.

You: Sorry for not texting you yesterday. I was feeling off.

This was the first time she hadn't responded in the course of the next few minutes. Which made you fucking nervous. And the more time passed by, the more nervous you were. You hadn't done anything wrong, right? She wasn't ditching you, obviously. She barely knew you a had no reason to ghost you. But you felt as if she was.

Yet when the text sound lit up the room, it felt as if you started to be alive again. You jumped on the bed to get a hold on your phone, frantically unlocking it. It seemed that you're worried about the text disappearing if you won't read it. 38 minutes passed since you sent the text; so you couldn't respond immediately.

That was the logic women possessed. No quick responding. Never. Under any circumstances.

(Unknown number): I didn't realized this is a thing that happens repeatedly.

This had the power to bring your self confidence down for a moment there. No. It didn't bring your confidence down. It destroyed it. Sure. This was a three day thing or so at that point. It was happening regularly. What made you think it was happening regularly? Just when you had a mental breakdown, another text beeped at the screen.

(Unknown number): But I want it to be happening. I want to get to know you better. If you don't mind... Fuck. I sound so fucking pathetic.

At the end of the text, you could almost hear her laughing. And honestly, it made you giggle and sigh loudly as you stated into the ceiling with your phone in your hand. You just made a friend online. A friend. Holy fuck. You made a friend without meeting them.

It was quite hard to concentrate on your studies when you tried to wait through the standard 'texting back' time. You tried jamming to old songs, read a bit, scrolled through social media - but you gave in after 25 minutes.

You: Yeah, this is a regular thing and you can't do a single thing about that.

Her response made you chuckle once again.

(Unknown number): Why do you think I wanna do a single thing about it? ;)

#sydney novak #sydney novak x fem!reader #reader x sydney #reader x sydney novak #stanley and sydney #i am not okay with i am not okay getting cancelled #i am not okay with this netflix #i am not okay with this #netflix shows #my favorite Netflix shows #also #notice the emphasis on word 'friendship' 👀

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1rosex · 6 years

Text

BTS Reaction to you confessing your crush on them

Request: I loved the angsty writing, can we pls get some fluff now of the members reactions to you confessing your crush on them?😭 Ty

A/N oops i got carried away

Masterlist

Jin

You were waiting for Jin to come out of practice, standing outside on the phone with a friend of yours. Today was the day you'd invited Jin to accompany you to the fair, your best friend, but also your longest crush. Jin came out of the building to meet you as you spoke to your friend over the phone. You failed to notice his presence.

"Yeah, I do like Jin. I know, I know I have to tell him. I will eventually! I hope.." You told your friend that Jin would be out soon and hung up the phone. You turned around to see Jin, his eyes wide. Your mouth fell open, but you were unable to say anything to save yourself.

"Ah! You ruined my plans Y/N!" He said dramatically as he turned away, his face red. You didn't know what he meant by that, but he didn't sound angry.

"Wait.. What?" You asked in confusion, wondering if confessing was the wrong idea.

"I was going to tell I liked you today!" Jin confessed, his face turning an even brighter shade of red as he made his usual yell of frustration mixed with nervous laughter. You couldn't help the smile from appearing on your face.

"Wait.. You.. You like me?" You didn't mean to sound like an excited little kid but you couldn't help it. Jin turned to you, unable to supress the own happiness on his face.

"Yes, Y/N. Ive liked you for a long time now. And I would have told you on top of the ferris wheel or somewhere romantic if I hadn't overheard you." He sighed.

"Well, I didn't ask you to eavesdrop." You joked. Jin shook his head.

"Well, now we can turn the fair into a date hm?"

Namjoon

You were listening to Namjoon rant about how his crush at the cafe kept ignoring him, he sounded upset. You nodded, listening intently but feeling your own heart hurt to see your biggest crush talking about someone else who showed no interest in him. What Namjoon needed though, was something to help him realize that the person he should be chasing after is you.

"And then! I thought it was all going well, and suddenly she turns around and flat out ignores me. She just left! Without a word!" Namjoon threw his hands up in the air, looking very confused. You couldn't help but laugh a little at his cute frustrated expression.

"Dont laugh!"

"Im sorry Joon. She just doesnt seem interested.. I mean, if I was your girlfriend-" You froze when you realized what you had just said. Namjoon was pulled out of his own thoughts, his eyes fixating on you.

".. If you were my girlfriend?" He repeated, his voice soft. You wanted to deny you ever said that, but the hope that had appeared in his eyes urged you to continue.

".. I.. I would be happy to be talked to. I wouldn't ignore you." You said, daring to keep eye contact. Namjoon's lips were suddenly changing into a smile, his dimples appearing on the side of his cheeks. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying- I’m saying I like you. And I wish I was the one you had a crush on.”

"You don't know how long I've hoped you'd say something like that."

Yoongi

In hindsight, playing Truth or Dare with your best friend Yoongi was probably not the best idea. You were both all worn out of dares, you'd already had him sing a whole serenade and send it to the group chat and he had you hide a fake rubber snake in Hoseok's dorm. The poor sunshine. Now, you'd moved on to truths.

"Okay Y/N, your truth." Yoongi tapped his chin and looked at you knowingly. How could he possibly think of anything? Yoongi knew you better than anyone.

"Who's your crush?" He asked, a question that got you off guard.

"Wait.. My crush? Yoongi, thats ridiculous. No way I'd have a crush and not tell you.." You laughed nervously.

"Hey now, play fair. You're lying to me Y/N." Yoongi had a smile on his face that was making you very suspicious. He was your crush. Why was he acting this way? Maybe he knew about it.. Maybe he’d found out. But how did he find out? However he did, you could see that he knew something was up and he wasn't letting you get away that easy.

"I'm.. Im not lying.."

"False. I heard you talking to your friend last night about a certain guy, and I want to know who."

"Why were you listening to our conversation?"

"Uh.. Not the point.."

You took a deep breath and looked at him. You needed to confess eventually.

"Fine. I do have a crush. My crush.. My crush is.." You were having trouble spitting it out. You were so afraid of ruining this friendship, but you knew you felt more for him. He sat there, patiently waiting for his answer. You couldn't anymore, you loved those eyes and everything else about him. "You dammit, I like you."

It was silent, and Yoongi's expression was impossible to read. You began to doubt yourself.

"Truth or dare, Y/N." He asked, breaking the silence. You looked at him in confusion, wondering if he'd even heard you. "What..? Dare I guess.."

"I dare you to kiss me."

J-Hope

You never intended to fall in love with your best friend. But with his lovable personality and his selflessness, how could you not? He was the best person you'd ever met. You were out at a restaurant with Hoseok, acting as you usually did. Despite being just friends, you were both a very touchy and playful pair. The waitress smiled at you two as she set the menus down.

"Oh, you two are so cute together. There's a discount for couples today, I'll be back to take your order." She smiled.

"Oh we're not-"

"No we aren't-" You both started talking over each other, your faces red as you denied the accusation. The lady just laughed and apologized before leaving you two alone to look. You glanced over at Hoseok, he looked really nervous all of a sudden. Was it really that bad of an idea to him? Discouraged, you grabbed your menu and kept your gaze down.

"Wouldn't we make a cute couple though?" Hoseok suddenly said. You blinked in surprise and looked up at him.

"What.. Hoseok dont play with me like that." You frowned, thinking he was joking. But Hoseok just looked up at you with a serious look in his eyes, waiting for an anwer. You swallowed and looked back down.

".. Yeah, I think we would." You said, barely audible. Hoseok grinned, you hated that smile. That smile that meant he knew exactly what you were thinking, and he knew how to tease you till he got the truth out. He knew about your crush, you were sure of it.

"Do you like me, Y/N?" He asked, straight to the point.

You hesitated, keeping your eyes glued to the menu until he reached over and grabbed it from your hands. You slowly looked up at him. "I do Hoseok. I like you." The whole restaurant seemed to hush, you were afraid Hoseok could hear your heart about to pound out of your chest. But then you felt his arm around you, and his face leaning closer to yours.

"Then I guess we do get that couple discount, hm?"

Jimin

You'd spent the whole day hanging out with Jimin, but now you were walking home and your time to say goodbye was nearing. Jimin gave you his goodbye and turned to leave as you called after him. "Bye Jimin, I love you!" You immediately froze in place. Had you just told your best friend you loved him? Oh, fuck. You didn't dare look back as you started to leave, hearing pure silence from Jimin for what felt like a long time.

".. What?" He eventually called out after you. You laughed nervously, then did the only thing you could think of. You took off sprinting towards your house. You heard footsteps behind you and Jimin calling your name, but you were running in blind panic. Suddenly you felt two arms around you and you yelled as he tackled you and you both rolled over onto the grass. You sat up, turning around to see Jimin struggling to stabilize himself after the fall.

" Wait! Sorry I didnt mean to tackle you- but that's not my point!" He said in a rush, looking dizzy. "Why did you run Y/N? What.. What kind of love?"

You sat there in the grass, trying to catch your breath while staring into Jimin's expectant eyes. "The kind of love that's not just between friends.." You finally admitted. You looked away, starting to get up. Jimin's hand was suddenly on your own, and you turned in surprise to see him smiling up at you.

"Then maybe we don't have to be just friends."

Taehyung

You had been friends with Taehyung for a long time before you even realized you had feelings for him. At first you tried to keep them secret, but lately you couldn't contain them anymore. The way he smiled at you, his laugh when you said something funny, those moments he brushed up on you. You wanted more. One day, you two were laying down watching movies and you couldn't resist anymore. You were both tired from staying up so long, your drowsiness was clouding your judgment. You looked over at Taehyung, with his stupid, cute little tired eyes, and his stupid, perfect face. It almost made you angry how strong your feelings for him were.

"I love you." You blurted out. Your heart skipped a beat, everything seemed to freeze as you realized what you just said.

Taehyung despite being tired, snapped to attention and turned to look at you.

"You what?" He asked, the television illuminating his innocent brown eyes. You couldn't bring yourself to say it again. Regretting it, you promptly rolled over and pretended to be asleep to avoid his questions. You knew he probably wouldn't buy it, but you couldn't bring yourself to turn back and face him. It was quiet for a while, the only sound was the faint voices coming from the television. Suddenly you felt one of Taehyung's arms drape over your side, his head pressing into the small of your back.

"I love you too Y/N."

Jungkook

You were sitting across from your best friend Jungkook, both of you absent mindedly scrolling through your phones. This is how you hung out most of the time. As you were scrolling, you found a video that made you laugh. It was one of those, "send this to your crush with no context" kind of videos. Jungkook arched an eyebrow and looked up at you. "You know the rules." He said. The rule, well the rule was basically that you had to send any video you found funny to the other person so they could enjoy it too. Your face went red, Jungkook was your crush.

"But.. Jungkook I can't do it with this-"

"Y/nnnn" Jungkook whined. You gulped. After a moment of staring at him, you sent him the video. You slammed your phone down, regretting your decision as you looked away. Jungkook watched the video with a completely blank expression, and as it came to and end he looked up you with an expression you hadn't seen in his eyes before.

"So do you mean it?" Junkook asked.

"Mean what?"

"The video."

"What video?"

"The one you just sent-"

"I didn't send anything." You lied quickly, and Jungkook stood up and leaned over the table at you with a smile.

"Y/N! Stop! Do you like me?" He asked, straight forward. You had no idea where his confidence was coming from, and frankly neither did he. You swallowed nervously and nodded silently. It was Jungkook's turn to be flustered now as he sunk back in his seat, trying to control his expression

"Does that mean.. we’re like.. d-dating?”

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the-anxiety-man · 5 years

Note

I know you don't typically give relationship advice or whatever but I've got nowhere else to go and this thing I got myself into just makes me feel worse and worse. Ive got a big fat crush on a dude and weve been friends for a while now so we are pretty close. I know for a fact that he doesnt like me and it really hurts to hear him say "I'm so desperate Id date just about anybody" but knowing Im not part of that "anybody" situation. He didnt friendzone me yet, but I dont want to tell him bc 1/4

1) Its pointless and 2) my OCD keeps pointing me back to him all the time and I just have this really strong feeling that hes special in some way... I dont know. I havent been able to find anyone new since I met him (and I Tried, but I ended up in a toxic relationship, so I got out of there quick), and neither did he. We both wake up and go to sleep at about the same time everyday (and neither of us wakes up at the same hour two days in a row). We also have similar values and such 2/4

But I know Im not what hes looking for (currently, at least) and I feel like thats really deteriorating my mental health. Im not jealous of any other girls he talks to, it just makes me feel like a dumbass and it makes the fear that Ill die alone so much bigger and so much harder to ignore. I feel like Im just not that great for anyone. All the guys that liked me in the past liked me as some sort of Phase.. for, like, two months at best. I dont expect anything new anymore 3/4

I absolutely do not want to stop talking to him though. Hes genuinely a good dude and hes the first person that I met that Gets Me™, so were still pretty cool together and I dont want to lose that yet. I just really feel like I found some part of me I never knew I had when we started talking. And I feel like something's missing whenever he's not around. I dont want to lose a friend. Also I'm sorry for my long ass (accidentally public) rant abt Hopeless Love™ I just want some advice on this 4/4

Right.. Your OCD isn’t “pointing you back to him”. Those are your feelings. You can’t use your illness as an excuse for feeling this way bc that’s not even how OCD works.

You’re assuming how he feels. You don’t know that you’re not what he’s looking for, because as far as he’s aware you don’t have feelings for him.

Maybe the only reason he hasn’t asked you out is because you never made the first move. If he hasn’t found anyone else, who knows, maybe that’s because he’s waiting for something to happen between you two. But I don’t know either of you so I can’t say for sure.

If you aren’t willing to take a leap of faith, then I’m sorry but you’re basically just friend-zoning yourself and you’ll never know if it could have happened. If you guys are as close as you say, then yeah maybe he’ll be weirded out for a bit, but your friendship will most likely be similar to what it was before.

And if you don’t want to ask him outright, idk just ask him “hypothetically if we were to date, what would that be like.” and if he answers negatively, you just move your ass on. I’m not saying that lightly. I know what it’s like to have to get over someone I’m close to. To move on means you stop putting him on a pedestal and accept that you guys aren’t right for each other.

Does this sound like advice you’d give to someone else? “I like my friend but I don’t know if he likes me back” “Well then make the first move or you’ll never know. Or just move on.” That’s my 2 cents. You said my advice helped you before. This whole thing might be terrifying to do, but it is logical, right?

Alright, that’s it from me. Good luck kiddo.

#asks #tinylilllnerd

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bangtanhug · 6 years

Text

im kinda disappointed with the new shane series...i started to watch it because of shane and ‘cause i loved the previous ones (especially the jeffree one) ... but my problem is that i think there is a big issue about what this series want to convey to the audience

the title is: “the mind of jake paul” -> the content is the mixture of psychopath behaviour (questioing if j.p is that or not) + and the mixture of psychological problems wich with other youtubers probably deal.

Now, let’s take a moment here....it might seems like it’s one big picture, but it’s actually three or four. Of course you can try to mash everything together, but to show a clear picture about what you want to say and show - sometimes you have to select and narrow your topics. It’s like when you write an essay/ or your diploma work - you have many thoughts and ideas at the beginning but as you start your research and you gather up information and other stuff- you slowly puts aside topics and focuses on one bigger mayor questions. Now, I don’t know how the series will go - nobody knows - but it has 8 parts and so far it feels like we are at the researching part where we have no idea where we are heading ...so yeah, maybe i speak too early and it will really build up but so far i have no connection with the REAL topic which is the title of the series. Why? Because we should explore J.P’s mind but instead we try to explore the chategory which we put him from the first moment the journey has started.

My other problem is that - as many of you know - althought I can’t stand the whole PAUL family and yeah, i question their mentality a lot and probably thought that they are sick or psycopaths....i still feel like that shane feeds the words instead of letting me, as an auidence decide: if jake paul is a psychopath or not. Also, i think he is being way too dramatic with the horror effect with the way he reacts - to the point that it kinds of annoying? or at least irritating a little bit? Makes me roll my eyes isntead of enjoying the content. I’m not saying it would be impossible to get chills and go: oh my god! by hearing how psychopaths behave but ...the way he just refers the dude, keeps dramatic pauses or how he freaks out every seconds- that’s just turn my interest down a little bit.

I ranted how disgusted I was by the first episode because i didnt even know 80% of the pauls, so for me the first ep was actually interesting and mind blowing - like i really had a moment which made me questions the future of humans and teh mindset the youths live in etc etc ( and honestly i was totally shocked - for real).... but I expected a little bit more of the second episode?

I know that he is building up the anticipation and tries to educate people about mental disorders but....how should i say it?...this...this just turns back to my first problem. I’m not sure if his way of approaching the whole controversial issue with Jake Paul was the right deicison. Because probably this video 1) wont clearly answer teh question of jake is psychopath or not 2) might come of as a defending video about how jake paul is a hurting human, being overshadowed by his brother, making others feel sorry for him which is like...you know... -.- 3) the topic mixture which i talked about also plays a role here, because psychopaths are a bigger issue than 40 minutes therapist talking

also, it’s not that relevant that we immediately pushes the imagined frame on jake ( i know its shocking to say yeah, but - and now listen because it can be helpful for research work later -> when you examine the object of your hypothesis, you have to leave out of your own emotions and only added them into it when you summarize the gathered info and start to write your essay/ do your video etc; because when you write an essay for examply, after stating the facts you begin to bring your own opinon, your own ‘part’ of the hyphothesis - what you personally read/saw in the facts which you understood how you did it....) So yeah.....it’s still early to show my back to it ...and yeah, i started to watch the series with trying to leave outside my personal judgement and watch the series from pure audience view..... but yeah...im a little bit :/ ...you know what i mean?

side note: nobody can convince me that the pauls are good people...the whole family has serioues issues there which for they can never completely apologize...like a life wont be enough and honestly what really bothers me with them is how unbothered, loud they are although they are so problematic and never learn from their mistakes

#shane dawson #rant #my post

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ts-autumns-world · 3 years

Text

ROP

As promised here are the rites of passage that Captain, Jinx, and Mikki wrote for the cast!

All of Jinx’s Messages: https://youtu.be/kbk2GI6nW-E

Captain: hey khalid! its been a short 4 days with you but i know that ur such an amazing person and u have such a bubbly personality. i do wish we get to know each other more.. its a bit sucky that your schedule kinda prevented you from being a bit more active :((

Mikki: KHALID I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO BE FIRST BOOT. i really didn’t. You were so busy at the beginning and we didn’t talk a lot but the little time we did have talking to each other made me see how calm and good it felt to talk to you. I had such a good feeling and really wanted you to stay around longer but unfortunately it wasn’t anything i could do on my own. I hope we get another opportunity to get to know each other properly.

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Captain: we didn't meet each other in this game but i hope u had a fun time even though its short! and hopefully, we'll see each other around the community mwah!

Mikki: we never got to meet but you seem genuinely fun and i’m sad i never got to meet you!!!! I’m sorry we sent jinx to the outhouse during the tribal you were voted out on. Idk if them being there would have helped at all but ashjsajhasjh if it would have i’m sorry!!!!

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Captain: i've seen you around but we haven't rlly talked/met each other yet. u seem to be amazing and i hope we'll get to play together some day

. Mikki: i’m also sad we didn’t get to meet!!!!!! You really seemed super active and i’ve never seen you around before so i was hoping our paths would cross but unfortunately that never happened :((

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Captain: we haven't been able to meet so its such a missed opportunity to not get to play together. you seem to be very cool! hope u had fun in autumns world

Mikki: it was so nice to talk to you and i feel so bad about how unlucky you got in the tribe swap but i had to do what i needed to to keep my tribe and grey safe like i wanted.

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Captain: OMG BENJ sobs... urgh i wish you made the merge so that we could meet each other again and our trio of you/me/mikki would have streamrolled the season! i enjoyed every conversation we had and u rlly are such a dedicated player. and u deserved the BEST!! i wish you the best and i hope to see you around in the community and maybe we'll get to play together and go the end together WOOO! urgh.. ur so sweet sobs...

Mikki: *takes a deep breath* this is going to be the hardest one to write. And i don’t even know what to say because nothing i do say will properly express how fortunate i am that we got to actually properly meet and talk!!!!!! And become friends LIKE BENJ I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH and i’m so sad at how robbed you were. You were genuinely my number one and i looked forward to talking to you constantly every day. Talking to you was so easy and our plans for the future of the game MADE ME SO EXCITED and i was so ready to play with you and make moves and have fun and go far together. Your elimination made me really sad and i was in a big funk for a long time after and even at my worst in like f6 when i was ready to give up, autumn would ask me “what would benj say” and that one question made me snap out of it and fight further. When i found an idol at f5 and got to play it all i could think about was when you told me you wanted to find an idol to bring it to me to show me and i’m just :SOB: we really got robbed in getting to play together in merge and i really hope we get another chance to. I wish i did more to protect you. I should have done more and it was my biggest regret since. Thank you for being an incredible ally to me and reminding me what i love the most about games: making genuine friendships that mean more to me than the game itself. Ilysm <3

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Captain: i know we didn't end very well on cow and thats kinda the main thing that made me not fully trust you in this game. its probably my bad cause i think you really wanted to work with me but i mean in our short time here, we did work together! good luck with everything in your life blake!

Mikki: blake!!! It was so fun to play with you while we could. I’m sorry you felt so left out in the tribal we had together before you went out but i hope you understand it wasn’t anything personal and i really did just assume you and raffy were close. I’m sorry for not trusting you more.

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Captain: awww Lily! i rlly enjoyed our conversation! like you were the one that i felt that our conversation just flew naturally and i loved how u tried to talk to me and ur just the sweetest!! i'm happy we met here cause ur literally so cool and so nice. u have this calming energy that i don't know how to explain dsfsdfsdfdsf. but YEA!! i hope u feel the same way as me and hope to see you around in the community!!

Mikki: ahhhhh right before you left you told me that we will see if i made the right choice with who i sided with and sahsajhjhjas i like to think i did??? and i hope you agree. You were so so so kind and i’m sad we didn’t get to know each other before merge, i had to make a gut instinct kind of choice and it sucked that i had to make it so soon. I wonder how differently things would have been if i voted with og llih instead and kept you safe. You fought til the very end and it inspired me so much

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Captain: RAFFY! we were such a perfect pair when u told me ur also tired of talking to ppl dfsdfsdfsdf thats a big mood! urgh.. i rlly wish u could've gone a bit further because ik u trusted me a lot and i also trusted you... in some way just because i had other alliances. i tried so hard to save you but yea it didn't succeed. i hope ur doing great and hopefully we'll meet again

Mikki: screams RAFFY I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW OR NOT BUT this whole season i’ve had one burning question on my mind Does Raffy Remember Me? BECAUSE we played together in a game once before but i didn’t REALISE it was you at first so we both said it was nice to meet each other but then i realised it was you !!!!! from bb glass but i never knew if you knew it was me or not and i didn’t bring it up because HJASHJASJH I WAS WORRIED IDK IT WAS JUST an ongoing thing and became kind of a meme and i’m so excited to know the answer. But anyways ashjashjs i’m sorry for trying to vote you out but i really meant it when i said i wanted to play with you after. I wish we could have!!! I wanted us to have a redemption arc and be allies for real so badly. But my alliance with jinx and chris changed their votes to you and were so paranoid but i think they just didn’t want to vote out grey HJASJHASJH and i ended up caving out of fear. I had so much fun playing with you tho!!! And the superidol was one of the most exciting moments of this game even tho it did mean i lost one of my closest allies.

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Captain: I wish we talked more tbh because u were the first person to dm me in the swap and i was like lily o is so cool and i liked lily o a lot! but then we just didn't talk after that. I know its partially my faults but ur fun to talk to when we got to talk to each other! u may not know this but u were kinda the part that made me put more effort into this game when i lied to you about wanting to target jinx/mikki and u told mikki about that and she told me back hehe! hope we see each other around lily!

Mikki: LILY YOU WERE ONE OF THE FUNNEST PEOPLE TO TALK TO!!!!! I had such a blast in our dms. I feel like we could talk about anything and it was fun. Hell you even explained the history of pacman to me and i was INVESTED in every part of it!!! Voting you out was partly fuelled by how good you are at comps and partly because i got bitter about the timezone advantage comment ashsahjsahj but nevertheless i found you incredible to talk to and play with and i’m so happy we could meet and have fun with each other while we did!!!

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Captain: JOEYYYYYY! i still feel bad about that pyramid challenge because u shouldnt have gotten me as ur pair lmaoo. i literally didn't know anything americans!! anyways!! our time together is for sure interesting. cause like ik ur with me but then u told jinx and monty that they need to be careful about mikki/captain and thats the reason why i didnt fully trust you in game! like ur a good ally but sometimes, ur doing too much. also, i appreciated u trying to talk to me a lot. I wish i did the same with you but life was so crazy that i could only reply with like short answers that didnt give anything much. At least we made it to jury together this time!

Mikki: joey joey joey joey JOEY sjhhjsahjasahj oh my god it was a time and a half with you i swear. I would talk to you and then go into my conf and rant about how JOEY KEEPS SAYING I’M A THREAT GRRR IM SO ANNOYED and then i would talk to you more and go back in there after 2 minutes and be like “nevermind i love joey again” ahjashjsahj you are such a great friend joey and you give me so much joy to talk to. One of the things i’m most proud of is winning that endurance comp and i would have never done that if it wasn’t for you shjashj YOU PUSHED ME TO PLAY BETTER AND GO HARDER and i’ll never forget that. Thank you for helping me see what i’m capable of and for being a genuinely kind and fun person to be around.

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Captain: oh monty DFSDFDSFDS we didn't really talk much privately but most of the times i talked to you, i was always honest with you and i think u were the same way with me too so it kinda raised my eyebrows a bit when u told me that we're gonna be worried about captain/mikki later in the game fdsfsdfsdfsd i didn't talk much game with you but ik u played a good game even though i think u might not know whats going on most of the times lmaoo!! anyways, its been a fun time with you and ofc, u can't get rid of me cause im gonna be haunting u as an intern in CoW forever!!!

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Mikki: PLS ASHJASHJA we didn’t talk much at all in this game apart from when tribals were happening and that was extremely iconic of us ashjashjasjh i appreciate and love you so much monty!!!! You’re one of the best people i know and i’m glad we got to play together for a hot second even if it wasn’t for long and it was just these super rushed convos before tribal while i was awake at a ridiculous hour ashashjas

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Captain: okay so ur vote is literally the HARDEST vote ever in my org history but it has to be done because you and jude were such a tight duo and yes i knew about u having 2 idols and giving jude one since the beginning of the merge. i feel like that was the right time to, as autumn said, blindside. but you know i LOVE you so much. my grandpa! You are literally one of the nicest people in this community and your words have helped me a lot in this season. it hurt me so much to vote for you but thats how the game goes and i hope u understand because i value our relationship so much. we've played together for 4 times now and i love you more and more each time we play together. i just love ur puns and like ur old ways of saying things fsfsdfsdf that #chrisstyle and i just love everything that is YOU. i know we're gonna be fine after this and i hope ur proud of me and forgive me for voting you out. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Chris i LOVE YOUUUUU. sobs. im so happy we got to play together again ahhhhh

Mikki: chris you are literally the nicest human i’ve ever known. You exude such a genuine kindness i can’t even comprehend it. Your messages always put a smile on my face and voting you out was the hardest vote i ever did and i literally wrote in my conf that voting you out would be like blindsiding your grandpa after he helps you move in and has a cup of tea with you :sob: like you’re just one of the best guys i’ve ever met and have this pure wholesome kind energy i’ve never encountered with anyone else. Playing with you was amazing and i loved our alliance with captain and jinx. But i knew your game was incredible and to see myself and captain get any further we had to do the unthinkable. You had the magician in my tarot readings for a reason and it’s because you’re so powerful!!!!! I can’t wait to ask you so many questions when this is over.

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Captain: bae- i still don't know why you had a crush on me but we had such a cute showmance arc in this series. i mean yes i targeted you for a few times just because we didn't talk before fsdfsdsdf like we communicated in the house chat but no one actually dm'ed each other first so im like i don't know where ur head is at and u seem to be dangerous to my game!! i mean u ended up not voting for me so thank you for that even though i can't do the same. i have to say that i enjoyed our convo a lot.. u always lit up my smile whenever u dm'ed me with tiktoks or like just ur random chit chat LMAO! the only downside was that we didn't rlly talk game much except for that one vote i think the lily o vote where we talked about getting joey out and ended up voting for lily o. but yes, i will miss our convo here a lot grey :(( u deserved BETTER!

Mikki: GREY OMG you’re one of the funniest people i’ve known. Our dms were so chaotic and you always broke the ice in the tribe chat by saying the randomest and funniest things. Thank you for making me laugh and for sharing your stories with me and chris and jinx on call. I really enjoyed getting to know you and i care so much for you. Also you appreciate captain and for that you have taste HJASHJSA

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Captain: JUDE!! you were such a powerhouse in this game like literally had u made the final 2, u would've won for sure and thats the reason why i fought so hard in the pressure cooker comp cause i couldn't risk you getting into the final 3 and potentially won the last IC. So i'm so sorry i had to vote you out. i had such a fun time getting to know you like just like i told you, i liked you since the premiere night when i watched ur intro vid and was like 'JUDE IS SO COOL' in my DR and i wanted to play with you.. then we got to play together and got to know each other. We didn't get to talk game much but like ik i could trust you in some ways! and again ur the coolest jude.. that pressure cooker will go down as one of the most iconic pressure cooker challenges in the tumblr survivor history for sure. hope to see u around the community

Mikki: JUDE i’m so sorry everything ended the way it did. I always meant what i said to you, that i would love to see you win. And you absolutely deserved to. Your game was amazing and i spent every second admiring you and everything you did. From the moment we played tic tac toe together i knew i was a jude stan and i’m so happy we got to have so much fun together and PLAYED PYRAMID TOO!!!! You’re absolutely remarkable and an easy person to love and want to protect, i can only dream of having your social game. You also never voted for me even when i thought you would BECAUSE I REALLY THOUGHT IT MADE THE MOST SENSE but you never did and i’m really emotional about that. I think so highly of you and i hope we can be friends after all of this <3

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Mikki: WE FINALLY GOT TO WASH AWAY OUR SAILOR MOON SINS CAN YOU BELIEVE ASHJHJASHJASAHJS we finally did it!!!!! YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!!!! I am so proud of the game you played and i know it wasn’t easy for you at all. You showed just how much you wanted this and you never took the easy route. I’m proud to have played alongside you and for all our nights watching survivor and 7th heaven YOU ARE ALSO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS and i love you so much

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Mikki: you know how much you mean to me. I love you so much and i’m so happy we once again got to play together. I am SO proud of you and the game you played. You’re an under the radar genius who knows how to get your information and how to use it. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF LITERALLY ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO and i love seeing you constantly prove yourself wrong and show just how incredible you are. You always put me first and take care of me :pls: i am so lucky to have you as one of my best friends and i can’t tell you enough how much i love you. Thank you for being in my life <3

#tsaw #end game

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rezathevamp-blog · 6 years

Text

Honey, I’m Home || Noah&Reza

Was this a good idea? Considering Reza had come up with it all on his own, the answer was probably no. Like a big, fat no. But seeing as he'd went through with ideas far fucking worse than this one, he figured he might as well. After all, turning back now would mean wasting the disgusting food concoction he'd bought on the way here, the here being Noah's home. A lot had changed in the last few months, some people were completely gone or different but one thing had mercifully stayed the same; Noah was still here. For how long Reza could stay optimistic about that was very unclear. After all, the vampire had completely vanished on literally the same night that Noah had bared his soul to him, ugly scars and all. Not exactly a positive stepping stone in their... relationship? Their something. Reza really just hoped that this something wasn't about to turn into a nothing. As bad as four months cooped up with a bunch of slayers and people that sorta seemed to hate his guts had been, the one good thing was that it given him plenty of time to think. There hadn't been room for any distractions, which he'd become oh-so-very good at. So he'd thought about himself, about Noah, reluctantly about Heath and just about shit in general. One conclusion was that he needed to find out whether or not Noah even had the sexual orientation for this to go... from something to something else. As it was right now, Reza's odds looked bleak. He left the bike a short distance down the driveway, trudging up towards the door with his helmet tucked under one arm, the box of fat and empty calories under the other, and a nervous stone in his stomach. And then he knocked.

Lifting his head from his phone Noah scrunched his eyebrows a little, the sounds of the knocking ringing in his ears. It was an odd sound to hear reverberating throughout the kitchen, and even more strange to Noah. Because really A) who would be knocking at this hour? And B) who did he even know that knocked anymore? I mean most of his and Cahill’s friends practically had keys. Placing his phone coffee table Noah figured he’d better at least answer it. If not for his sake, then for the dogs sake, both of their bodies pretty wiggly with the excitement only a new person could bring. Caleb was doing a really good job of not barking though which was surprising because he usually was the first one to go balls to the walls when anything startled him “That’s my good mannered boy” Noah smiled out at the little pup a sense of happiness rushing over him. And he should have known that it wasn’t going to last, that feeling of just, happy contentment that he had whenever he looked at his dogs. The feeling that he had worked so hard to get back after the whole Reza thing. But then again how could he have known? How could Noah have known that the second he opened the door, it would feel as if all the air in his lungs had been forcibly removed? How could he have known that even after all this time he would still feel as deeply for this man standing before him as he did for the scrawny little vampire the boy had obviously left behind. How could he have known that after what seemed like an indeterminate amount of time Reza Burki would just be quietly standing on his porch again? Gaping a little at the sight before him Noah tried to get himself in gear, tried to make himself say something. Anything really. But the only thing he could manage to whisper out in the moment before the dogs came barreling out to slobber all over their old friend was “You’re alive”

Seeing Noah appear in the doorway -- hell, just smelling him and the dogs and everything with the first gust of wind from inside the house, brought memories flooding back with way too much gusto. Reza could almost feel the big, strong frame hanging off his shoulders as he'd dragged Noah inside from the driveway; could feel the sadness that had permeated Noah's very being, sadness that was somehow mingled with relief that Reza had hoped was because of his presence; could remember the way he'd been snatched into a half asleep hug while trying to get Noah into bed safe and sound and most prominently, he remembered just how much he'd wanted to do something more, something that hadn't been appropriate with a drunk and devastated Noah. And speaking of devastated... "You're alive." Resisting the sarcastic urge to correct him with an 'undead, actually', Reza smiled instead - a small and sad smile. And then dogs were barrelling into his feet, threatening to knock him off balance as he tried to pet them both while also attempting to keep eye contact with Noah. "I'm sorry," came the reply, finally, once the dogs were semi-content with the attention they received. Reza straightened out, swallowed thickly. He'd never been that good at apologies. "If you want to listen, I can explain everything," he said softly, dark eyes never leaving the shocked ones staring straight back. What if Noah just slammed the door right now and refused to listen? Reza really was desperately hoping for this to work out. "I brought food?"

Standing there still winded Noah just blinked a couple times, the urge to just knock Reza down and bury himself in the smell (who knew that “mr health conscious” would ever miss the faint hint of cigarettes?) and body of the boy prickling at the top of his skin. But then with everything came flooding back with clarity, the night where he felt just so much better about his progress. He’d shared, with someone he cared about, and they didn’t think him a horrible person. No in fact he felt. He felt like Reza may even have cared about him, in a way Noah could maybe have only dreamed of. But all of that progress was lost the instant Noah figured out the kid wasn’t coming back. And while Noah felt happy that Reza was alive and well, he just. He couldn’t forget what the other had done to him. And they hadn’t even been together. “You know what No.” He started letting his anger at Reza overtaking the joy he had from seeing him again. “Fuck your apology and fuck you for thinking you could show up with fucking food and everything would be alright. Because it’s not.” He shook his head ushering the dogs back inside of the house and shutting the door behind them. I was just them two now standing there in the dimly lit darkness of his porch. Just him and reza and the force of the rage that was swelling over every inch of Noah’s body. Because Noah deserved better, it had taken him 4+ months to get that through his head and Reza just showing up on his doorstep was not going to change that. “I-I fucking looked for you.” He started again to break the silence, knowing that if he didnt just barrel through Reza would say something. Anything. And Noah would be right back where he started. Utterly in love with someone who destroyed his fucking heart with no remorse. “After you stopped replying I looked for you everywhere. I asked everyone I could. I went into that fucking vampire club bar thing.” Noah spat arms shaking. Because yea that had been a night he never wanted to remember ever again. “But that’s not even the point. The point is, you knew. I mean I don’t know to what degree, but you knew. You knew how much this would devastate me, just-just disappearing like that, after I’ve already lost so many people in my life that I care about. But you fucking did it anyway. And while I’m happy you’re not dead or undead or whatever the fuck vampires are when they pass on. What you did to me was not ok. And sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Aaand there it was. It really did seem like Reza was never getting this apology thing right, whether it was procrastinating it forever, playing the most pathetic victim ever or just showing up at the first possible chance and offering to bare his soul. Fuck. His jaw clenched as he let Noah's anger wash over him, resisting the urge to tell him something - anything to make it better. He knew he could (or hoped he could) if Noah would just let him, but butting in right now seemed like the wrong thing to do. So he waited, the leather of his gloves creaking as his hands clenched. The thought of Noah surrounded by Ashkent's scummiest scum filled Reza with a very protective feeling and yeah, made him feel even shittier for leaving even though he hadn't really left. After Noah's completely heart-shattering rant, Reza realized that he'd actually had much more of an impact on the other man than he'd initially thought. Still undervaluing how much people cared, it seemed. When he was sure that Noah had nothing more to add at this moment, Reza carefully put down the bag of food, helmet still hanging limply from his other hand. "I know it doesn't. But sorry is literally the only place I know where to start because I'm shit at this, but... I don't want you to feel like this, I really don't. This is literally the farthest thing from what I wanted." He was getting jittery, feeling like this was going South real fast, but giving up this easily was worse than vanishing in the first place. "And I really do have an explanation for why I vanished because it wasn't by choice and I really fucking hope you believe me because I would never have hurt you on purpose and-" Reza cut himself off from the rambling, not wanting Noah to feel like he wasn't able to talk more. So he just gripped his helmet tighter. "So if you wanna talk, we can talk. If you don't, then I'll fuck off."

“If you didn’t want me to feel like this you would have just told me” Noah huffed out at Reza anger getting the best of him. Because seriously what had been so bad he couldn’t at least send a small goodbye text. A ‘don’t worry about me’ sort of text. Or just. Something. Anything, other than the deafening radio silence he received. Looking up at Reza though Noah softened a little. Anger dissipating slightly. Because while it was easy to hate on Reza in the moment, he knew deep down that the boy (or rather man now) in front of him had a complicated life if he hadn’t texted him he probably really didn’t have a choice. Or at least in this instance thats what Noah was going to choose to believe. Because the alternative was even more utterly heart destroying. Walking over to the end of the porch though Noah sighed a bit, the weight of all the emotions that had been going on feeling like a ton of bricks “So, I’m sure its apparent that I really don’t want to talk” He said sitting down on the porch swing, his legs going up into their normal criss cross pattern, and his arms involuntarily reaching out for one of the ratty old outdoor pillows that was nestled in the corner. And it was a weird habit, he knew that (especially since he had gotten almost too big for the porch swing now) but it was a comforting habit to Noah, reminiscent of all the times he and Cahill would just sit out on the porch after a hard day. “But I know my therapist would be disappointed in me if i didn’t at least hear you out.’ He continued squeezing the pillow closer to him. As if it were his new armor against whatever weapons Reza was going to hurl at his battered body now. “But this doesn’t change anything.” he started again eyes looking straight at Reza with eyes narrowed. Because even though he felt more vulnerable now than he’d ever had it still didn’t quell the pit of anger inside of him “This doesn’t change the fact that I deserve better. And this doesn’t change the fact that I’d still really like to just punch you in your fucking face right now and erase your entire existence from porch and my phone and my life.”

Noah's anger was still bubbling and yeah, Reza had made some astounding self improvement with his own patience and anger issues but there was still a long ways to go. If things continued on this path where Noah assumed what had happened and Reza continued to feel like shit, then the path would be a very short one. Thankfully, due to whatever fairness the universe might have owed Reza, Noah seemed to deflate all of a sudden. Reza watched warily as the heavy frame trudged from the doorway over to the other side of the porch, still waiting for the next burst of anger. It didn't come right away and it seemed like Reza was actually going to get a chance to explain himself - before Noah's eyes narrowed and he hurtled out what was probably the biggest possible 'fuck you' to Reza's fairly fragile confidence. Jaw clenched, face turned away from Noah as to hide the familiar feeling of his eyes changing hue, Reza forced air into his stupid, useless lungs. When it did literally nothing, he tore off his gloves instead and shaky hands dug out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. It wasn't until he'd lit one up and taken a seat on the porch's steps, far enough away from Noah as to not suffocate him in the smoke (because he obviously deserved better than a disgusting smoker), that Reza spoke. "I think they snatched me up right about.... there," he pointed with the cigarette to a patch of grass a good few feet from the porch, "and then, y'know, bagged my head and knocked me out cold. A group of heroic slayers, that try not to kill the 'innocent vampires' out there but instead, use them to do their dirty work." Sarcasm dripped from every word and Reza continued without looking over at Noah. "It took them a while to consider whether or not my connection to all the shitty people back in the day made me just another expendable pile of dust but lucky me, they decided it didn't. Since I haven't actually killed anyone, they 'let' me be part of their program. Track down vamps that have killed people or deal drugs or sell slayer blood -- the list of crimes that warrant death goes on." Reza inhaled some smoke, trying to gauge Noah's reaction without looking. "Best part is, I didn't have a fucking say in any of it. They drove me off to some shit place town hours away from here, smashed my phone, cleaned out my 'apartment' apparently, and pretty much made me vanish. Too risky for them to let me contact anyone, just in case I was trying to sic some of those pesky, killer vampires on their HQ. Which meant no contacting you, or my sister, or anyone." He finally couldn't take it anymore, turning his head to look over to the balled up Noah (something that Reza definitely would have poked fun at under different circumstances). "I literally got back last night. You're the first person in this shitty town that I came to see. Even though I'm starting to suspect it was a mistake. And sorry to break it to you but erasing me is going to be a real bitch because I'm stuck here while there are still vampires to hunt down and kill. But I'll try my best to stay out of your way. It's the least you deserve." Fuck. Had his eyes gleamed red again? His own anger was rearing its ugly head so Reza figured now was a good time to shut up. So he sat on the porch steps, taking more shaky drags from his cigarette.

Looking out at the large expanse of lawn before him, Noah started by justing listening to Reza, fully expecting the lamest excuse. You know something that would have justified Noah’s anger. But what he didn’t expect was the worst. The god awful worst for Reza, and the way his heart just melted as the other spoke. Sitting there for a few moment moments with his emotional whiplash Noah chanced a look at the other boy. It was easy to tell that Reza was upset. And it was all Noah’s fault. Noah had made him upset by assuming he was a shitty person. Fuck. Slowly the older boy extricated himself from his position on the swing caught between the overwhelming need to just smother the hurting boy before him with attention and just not wanting to be around him at all. Because he was bound to hurt him again wasn’t he? Thats was just Reza’s life wasn’t it? “So we still need to talk about us.” he said slowly easing himself down towards Reza the urge to just reach out and smother the damn cancer stick he’d lit strong. But that was just it. Even though he hated that damn cigarette Noah would probably never ask him to change. Because it was a part of Reza. Part the good and part of the bad, and at this moment he wanted all of it. “But i just-” Noah paused not even knowing where to go with all of this information his hands caught between pulling Reza closer and pushing him away. “Are they hurting you?” It was less of an actual sentence and more of a whisper between them, as he finally looked in Reza’s direction Noah’s eyes full of worry. Because no matter what happened between them, no matter how this ended, with Reza in his life again or gone for good Noah would always worry for his safety. Because Reza was his… his friend. His pack. He was one of the few people the Hawaiian boy had opened up to and one of the few people that he didn’t want to ever leave him, if his tantrum was any thing to go by. But that was something for another time. Right now Noah’s focus was solely on Reza’s well being.

Reza wanted to be mad at Noah for his choice of words. He wanted to lash out more and lather every syllable with scathing sarcasm but all of that completely faded away when he heard the porch creak under heavy feet. Aside from the very important fact of not having come here to snap at Noah and make him feel bad, Reza also realized that for the millionth time, he was settling into a victim position. The fact was very much reflected in Noah's eyes, looking torn between anger and pity and as much as he would have liked all the comfort in the world from those big arms, he didn't want it like this. Toughen up, Burki. His mind nervously skated past the 'us' part, not quite ready do dive into the deep end just seconds after he'd managed to calm himself down, and instead Reza took notice of Noah's disapproving stare. Right. Smelly cigarette. With one last quick drag, Reza crushed it under his boot. "Not at all, actually. Aside from the initial kidnapping part. I mean, they've been bossy and mean and really sarcastically judgemental over my fashion choices but... I got set up with a half decent apartment and..." he grimaced, "a food supply. To keep me on the side of the angels, ya'know?" Reza smiled wryly, shooting a glance over at Noah. The Noah who still managed to find space in his clearly packed tight mind to care whether or not Reza was in trouble. "I'm sorry about your football sitch," he added after a beat.

Watching as the other quickly stomped out his cigarette Noah practically rolled his eyes at the other. Because it was not his intention to make Reza stomp out his cigarette even though he was happy that he did. “You don’t have to-” He started trying to figure out how he wanted to phrase what he was going to say next. Because on the one hand he did really hate smoking, but on the other hand he didn’t want his needs to always supplant Reza’s own comfort “I think what i mean to say is If you want to smoke, smoke. I’ll get over it. Plus its not like you can get cancer or anything so I really have nothing to worry about with you.” He shrugged out kinda wanting to get off the topic. Though their new topic wasn’t a great trade off either. “Well that’s good they aren’t hurting you. And are treating you well it seems” He nudged Reza with his elbow eyes shining a little. Yea. He’d noticed how Reza was filling out clothes better. But then again who wouldn’t? “How did you know-?” He started eyebrow raised not pegging Reza for someone who knew about sport schedules until it hit him like a ton of bricks “Oh” Reza had been stalking his profiles. Trying not to let the second wave of hurt wash over him at the thought of Reza being in the know about him but in turn Noah knowing nothing the older boy ran a hand through his hair “Its alright. I mean my body is thankful I’m not constantly putting it in danger of being hurt anymore, but my soul is-” Noah paused looking down at his bare feet on the steps. “It’s hard. Football was my thing you know. And to not have it anymore. Lets just say my anger and like pent up werewolf aggression hasn’t really had an outlet for a while. So sorry about, well-” He motioned with a hand hoping Reza would get the hint. Because yes he was angry at Reza but there were better ways to handle your anger and exploding and yelling expletives at someone was not one of them.

Reza huffed out a little laugh, waving off Noah's concern. "Just say thanks. These things are gross and I used to hate it when people smoked them around me so don't even mention it." 'So does you getting over it imply that we're actually going to spend time together..?' The nudge was unexpected but so many types of welcome. "Yeah, I mean, with nothing else to do while they found me... something to do, I kinda got dragged into their ridiculous training for a while. Which is nice, y'know, not looking like a used mop swallowed by clothing." Wait, was that even what Noah had been mentioning? Or had it just been the lack of permanent eyebags? Fuck, well... "It's fine," Reza assured him, cold hands rubbing together in his lap. "I get... pent up aggression. So to literally throw your old offer back at you; if you ever wanna, like, spar or something then I'd be happy to. Get rid off all that angst." Reza's very poor impression of Noah had him chuckling to himself and yeah, maybe it was inappropriate considering how tense the mood had literally been five minutes ago but he didn't care. Hanging around Noah made him want to just have a nice time and not worry about all the harrowing shit all the time. Even if that meant making jokes on Noah's expense.

“Then why do you? Smoke I mean.” Noah asked curious as to what would change in Reza’s mind. He couldn’t think of any situation which would change his mind on the habit so it would be interesting to hear Reza’s take on it. Letting the better atmosphere fill the air between them Noah tried not to blush as the subject of Reza’s new body came up. “Yea well, you did-” He paused trying to gather his thoughts for the upteenth time today. Because really what was he supposed to say to that? Just the fact that they were on this subject was dangerous territory, especially for their ever precarious relationship. “Well. You did well. I mean I think the way you looked before was still good too but” Noah shrugged off eyes averted, wishing and praying they could just like drop this subject now. Or bury him in a whole before his whole body just turned scarlet. That would be nice. Feeling the embarrassment though drop straight out of him as Reza tried to joke though Noah narrowed his expression. “Don’t tempt me right now Nosferatu” He replied rolling his eyes at Reza’s horrible impression of himself “I’ve been oscillating between wanting to kick you down the porch stairs and being happy that you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere since I saw you” The statement still had a slight bite to it, part of Noah still completely serious about the whole kicking him down the porch stairs thing and part of him just playing.

Reza shrugged, not that surprised by the question. "Peer pressure. And now I'm too much of a wimp to quit. Plus, it's this whole aesthetic thing and I'm going to stop that joke there because you might actually believe me." It was always a relief, seeing Noah get mildly flustered just when Reza had convinced himself that he was definitely the more awkward out of the two, and making things more or less tied once again. A decent balance. Not like the very precarious balance Reza had tested by making fun of Noah. "Sorry, sorry, bad timing. Bad everything." At least Noah wasn't too angry for nicknames -- a positive sign. "But you have mentioned physical violence like... a lot so if you actually do want to spar, just for a chance to smack me in the face, then I'm definitely accustomed to a beating." A pause. Reza resisted the urge to flop back onto the porch. "That sounded awful on every level and I take it back, it's just nerves from this whole apology thing and all of this and feel free to just kick me in the face right now to end this." And here he was, once more going for the crown of awkwardness. "I practised some simple defensive fighting a while back, is what I meant to say." Yup, he was definitely regretting that cigarette he smushed, hands feeling much too fiddly and empty. "Also, please do something with the food I brought because I'm obviously not going to eat it. You can have at it and still be mad at me, promise."

"So what you’re saying is I basically just have to peer pressure you to stop and you’ll stop?” Noah replied shaking his head a bit playfully at the other boy. God leave it to Reza Burki to pick up a bad habit simply because it looked cool. Biting his lip slightly Noah tried his best to not butt in while Reza gathered himself. Because it just. It all sounded wrong and it all just made Noah feel even worse about the things he had said and the things he’d threatened. “You know I’d never actually hurt you.” he said quietly as he looked out across the dark expanse of lawn in front of the boys, a somberness ot his demeanor. “I mean on purpose that is.” he went on to clarify, because you know if they did ever spar there could be an outside chance of hurting Reza on accident. And Noah would be loathe to eat his own words, even if it was not taken that way at all. “I mean I’m angry at this whole situation yes, and I talk a lot about physical violence because, well that’s just kind of the angsty werewolf way. But I would never actually hurt you. Just you know for your information.” It wasn’t as relevant to the conversation as Noah would liked but part of him felt that it needed to be said. Because for all his joking about beating Reza up and hurting him (just as much as Noah felt hurt right now), that was really the last thing the older boy ever wanted to do. Because Reza was. Well Reza. and their situation was complicated yes. But if this night proved anything Noah was pretty much ride or die for this boy. “It’s good though that they taught you defensive skills. Those will definitely come in handy here in good old Ashkent.” He nodded slightly trying to figure out how the hell he’d actually probably made the situation worse. Looking over at the food though Noah could feel the awkwardness dissipate a little and their conversation switch back to the jokier side of things. Which was obvisouly where the two felt the most safe. “Depends what did you bring me, Edward? he questioned grabby hands reaching out for the bag.

Rolling his eyes, Reza sniffed in offence (barely). "Try me. Although that would almost be like a nice favor on your part. I'll consider letting you bully me into quitting." All this back and forth was making Reza's head spin, his own mind going from nervous anxiety to relief to embarrassment to whatever the hell else, and Noah right next to him not seeming to fare any better. The constant switching of anger and very soft, cinnamon bun caring was rough on Reza's teetering anxiety. "Some solid information to have," was the only thing he could muster as a response, lame as it was, but thankfully Noah had accepted the very obvious food-related change of subject. "It's really tempting to reply with dog food but... this place close to where I live has these things that I'm pretty sure are bred from some pizza and burger mix, maybe fries, I'm not sure. All I know is that people like it and it's probably going to wrap around your heart and squeeze it to death with like... a noose made out of transfats. Which sounded like something you'd enjoy. The food, not the... death part." The bag was dropped on Noah's lap, seeing as the space between them on the porch had become a bit to sparse. Clearing his throat, Reza shifted around on the porch, wondering how long he had here before he too would start to feel the first prickles of hunger. Probably not that long.

Snorting slightly Noah smiled, the first time he truly felt like doing so since Reza even arrived. “It would be less bullying and me just being so annoying about shit you’d have to quit.” Because it would. Noah practically lived at the hospital for the year or so after his transplant, he could spout of tons and tons of mundane medical facts. Especially for the bad habits. They usually had literature. Clearing his throat a little as the whole conversation was switched back to sad, Noah just nodded. They were going to have to have “the conversation” sooner or later. The one they kept ramping up to and never actually getting to. He knew it. Reza knew it. Hey even Jesus probably knew it. But apparently that was going to be a topic for another time. Which was fine by Noah, the boy pretty exhausted from the emotional whiplash just seeing Reza had given him. “Well Kea and Caleb get a raw diet, so i mean, if you wanted to go there the dog food I have wouldn’t actually be that bad” Noah chided sticking his tongue out at the other as he graciously accepted the bag. See as long as Noah stopped thinking about how just utterly devastated he was when Reza left him everything would be fine. Just fine. Right? Focusing on what Reza was saying though Noah just rolled his eyes. “Kid if you think the way to my heart is food that would kill me, then you would be spot on” He grinned light heartedly taking the box out of the bag, and opening it. Wow, that looked interesting to say the least, but the smell was amazing. “Alright here goes nothing” Noah started picking up the burger thing as best he could and taking the biggest bit he could manage. And it was. Amazing utterly amazing and just, Fucking Reza Burki. Goddamn him. “Holy Fuck.” Noah breathed out still chewing, eyes blown wide in disbelief. “This is almost better than sex. Like. Seriously. And I’ve fucking had some good sex.” Noah practically moaned out taking another bite of the burger/pizza/thing.

So moving onto food had apparently been the worst possible change of subject but really, how the fuck should Reza have been able to predict... that. Was he squirming? No, thank fuck for this being literally the only time he wasn't fidgeting. Although not fidgeting might look suspicious now but with the way Noah was going at it, it was doubtful he'd notice anything. It didn't even seem like he was noticing those... sounds he was making and yeah, no, Reza could not take this for another second - fuck that. "Are we flirting?" he blurted out before his brain caught up to his mouth, and then his mouth simply went ahead and fucking continued. "This... whatever, the whole back and forth and joking and when I got to use your shower and, and... you calling me when you're drunk and talking about sex and doing... that." Reza gestured a bit too wildly in Noah's general direction, realizing that he was on his feet now and there was no stopping this immediate train wreck and after all the work he'd put into the apology, this was how he was going to ruin it? "Am I reading into it or not because not knowing is making me crazy and it's fine if you're not gay, or whatever, or if you are something not straight but not into me at all because I'm cool with... that but it's most of what I thought about for the last four fucking months and I can't not know. So... uhm..." The realization of his monolouge hit him like a slap in the face and Reza wondered whether vampires could pass out from sheer panic. "I... sorry."

Deep down inside Noah knew that this day would come, the one where both he and Reza would finally define their relationship for good or for bad. But what Noah didn’t know was at the exact moment it was going to happen he’d be stuffing his mouth with the most delicious pizza/burger/thing known to man. “What?” Noah mumbled out eyes completely in shock as the boy just kept going words flying out of his mouth. But see while Reza was choking on the weight of his confession Noah was actually choking. Like as in I was so surprised that you are confronting me about if i like you or not that the burger went down the wrong pipe and I can’t breathe I think i might die type choking. Because that was just Noah Kalani’s life apparently. Coughing violently Noah turned to the side, the burger all but abandoned in the box on his lap now. Damn it. Noah could feel this moment going south very quickly, the tears already welling up at the corners of his eyes as he went through his fit. But he tried his hardest to pull himself together and finally after what seemed like forever he took a fresh breath, his whole body shaking now with the effort he just exerted. Leaning back onto the hard wood of the porch porch Noah just well laid there, trying to catch his breath. And trying to make sense of everything that Reza was saying. Because it was true, they had been flirting and Noah was into him and probably bisexual as the day is long he just. Didn’t have the mental or the lung capacity for any of that right now. So he just laid there on the porch, breathing heavy and trying not to look at Reza.

If Reza had possessed even just an ounce of confidence upon coming to Noah's house, the last shreds of it had definitely gone up in flames at the sound of Noah completely and utterly freaking out at the questions. Because who wouldn't when berated with... whatever the hell had spilled out of Reza's mouth, he couldn't even remember what the fuck he'd said and Noah was... choking? Oh, no... Horrified of doing anything to make the situation even worse, the vampire just froze and dumbly listened to Noah's pounding heartbeat, like the stone in his gut was keeping him completely grounded. No, he wasn't actually choking to death - thank fuck. No need for any physical contact that would inevitably fuck things up worse, even though he doubted things could get worse than Noah trying to wheeze some air back into his lungs while doing everything but meeting Reza's pathetically desperate gaze. His mouth opened and immediately closed. There was nothing more to say except another pitiful "sorry." It was surprising that his legs actually held him up as he turned for the cycle, helmet and gloves abandoned for the sheer need to get the hell out of here. This had been a mistake, start to finish and as if to further verify that, Reza's phone was vibrating with a text. If he didn't check in soon and let them know why he was at an unfamiliar address, well... it was a good thing Reza was leaving, anyway.

Laying there Noah almost didn’t realize Reza was leaving until he heard the small sorry from the others lips and jolted back into a sitting position. Fuck. Reza was walking away, they were losing each other again, all because of some ill-timed choking and Noah’s inability to well. Come out essentially. And well, if he had had it another way, something better, he would have taken that. But it was now or never essentially and we wasn’t about to let Reza run away from this. Vaulting off the porch with his supernatural agility Noah closed the gap between them reaching out of any small piece of reza to sop the boy from leaving. “Reza” He called out grabbing the others hand. It was the first time they had touched since Reza came back and Noah could tell his heart was just going off the rails with the content, the wolf side of his brain now screaming good things at him and the human side of his brain screaming that this was a mistake. He should just let him go because all he was going to do was hurt him agin. Standing there though as Reza turned back to face him Noah just. Noah didn’t care about any of it anymore, and he just let the words fall from his lips. “It’s true I’m- I’m and idiot that flirts to much, and just loves too deeply and falls too hard and just doesn’t even know his own sexual orientation anymore because who would have thought he liked dudes now.” Noah paused feeling his heart start to beat even more widely in his chest. He’d never actually said it out loud and even just hearing those words. Internally he wanted to hide and never speak about this ever again, but for Reza’s sake he pressed on. Because to Noah no matter the outcome keeping Reza in his life was worth this risk, worth, someone knowing that their perfect little straight football jock kid may not be as well heterosexual as they thought. ”But I can’t.-“ He stopped again trying not let himself get so worked up that we was crying. Because yea that was sexy wasn’t it “Don’t. Please just don’t leave me” he whispered still holding on to Reza’s arm and unspoken again hanging in the air between them

Was this the way all genuine relationships worked? Or non-relationships or whatever the label was? Like a badly written scene from a B-class movie where neither character knew what in the actual living hell was going on? Reza very limited experience with any sort of relationship hadn't prepared him at all. Trying to deal with someone else's struggling feelings while also juggling his own was hard -- scratch that, devastating; and he'd been genuinely wondering just why the hell people continued to put themselves out there for this stupid, risky relationship thing when there were far more important things to worry about in life, when the answer arrived. In the form of Noah grabbing his hand. Right. Stupid, panic inducing risk equals a slim possibility of reward. Feeling a phantom pounding in his chest, reminiscent of when something had actually beat inside there, Reza clenched his jaw and turned back. His teeth were piercing the inside of his cheek (were there fangs too? Maybe, he didn't trust any of the sensory signals his body was giving off right now) and even thought there was no clear, vocal confirmation that Noah... well, felt the same, the implication was strong enough to make Reza's mouth go dry. Aside from the blood due to his cut cheek. "I won't. It's the last thing I wanna do right now. Or at all." Reza had never experienced someone wanting him around this vehemently. It was overwhelming, but something he wanted to get used to. Something he wanted to live up to, despite all the shitfuckery that was dropped on his life on a regular basis. He wondered whether he'd literally begun to shake before realizing it was his phone again. Shit. "I really... really need to answer this text. To not get a very pissed of Slayer in your driveway," he said softly, eyes locked with Noah's for the first time without the wave of awkwardness and uncertainty.

Standing there feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before Noah focused on Reza and the hand under his. He’d never noticed before just how cold Reza was, and how badly his werewolf blood just wanted to warm him up. holding onto that hand for dear life Noah could practically feel the vibration just as Reza had eyes still locked on the other. “Alright” Noah breathed out heart still pounding away in his chest a little. Squeezing the other’s hand a little the older boy managed to let go of it (it was a heavy mental struggle with that one though), trusting in Reza’s words and wanting to give the kid a little space to text his “bosses” or whatever they were. “I’ll just be over here uh then” Noah said pointing back toward their little area on the porch. The aftermath looking a little awkward. with the abandoned pizza thing just spilled haphazardly on the side of the porch from when Noah jumped up “You know cleaning the porch and trying to figure out how to tell my future kids that their dad initially kinda came out after nearly choking to death on a pizza hamburger hybrid” It was another joke, an awkward one at most considering they hadn’t really defined their well everything. But if their relationship was going to ever go back to the way it was Noah needed to get back to that place. And that place was flirty jokey, awkward and kinda utterly in love with Reza Burki. So thats what he was going to do.

Reza smiled gratefully before rushing to pick up his phone, eyes continuously flicking over towards Noah as if to make sure he wasn't just going to sneak off into the house or get one of his alpha buddies to come make good on that 'beat up the vampire' threat or whatever else paranoid thing Reza's brain could come up with. Instead of all that, the lovable mass of muscles was simply fiddling with the carnage of the calorie fest and awkwardly joking and Reza had no regrets whatsoever. Well, regarding this, at least. "I'm sure they won't be surprised by..." Reza trailed off as soon as he unlocked the phone, the three new texts worse than he'd been expecting. "I... can't believe I'm fucking saying this but I have to... go. Just to take care of a thing. Here, in town. For like a few hours max and..." Reza's hand ran roughly through his hair, frustration seeping from every pore. "Fuck, I'm sorry, just... Can I give you my new cell number? And address of my apartment, just in case and, uh..." he rambled while hastily typing out a reply and making his way closer to Noah again. "Leaving is literally the fucking last thing I want to do and... I'd tell them to fuck off if I could but... I'll call, okay? Soon as I'm done? Promise."

And there is was again. The other shoe dropping right out from under him as Noah was just picking up the pieces. Reza needed to go. Reza was going to leave again. Fuck. But this time was different, this time Noah was able to turn around and see the frustration on the other boy’s face, to see just how much he didn’t want to go. And for that moment it was enough. Meeting Reza in the middle Noah took the phone from his hand programming his own phone number into it. He was going to call him when he was done. And Noah was going to have to be ok with that. He had no other choice after all “Go kick ass for me ok” He said trying to smile at Reza, trying to be ok when he clearly was not. “And you don’t have to actually call or anything jut a quick text. Just so I know you got home alright” Noah nodded trying to quell the still ever present panic. Reza was saying goodbye at least. So even if Noah never saw him again it wasn’t a complete disappearance. “I’m-i’m going to hug you now ok” Noah said with a gulp not knowing why this whole thing was so damn awkward. I mean he and his friends hugged all the time, gave them out like candy to babies. But then again most of his friends also didn’t just confess to possibly liking him,, or whatever the hell the past ten minutes were. So there was that. Putting his arms around the other boy though Noah drew him as close as he could noticing just how much more of Reza there seemed to be now. Not that they had hugged or anything before. But still. Sniffing slightly Noah took in Reza’s scent for reference, mentally cataloging it in case he needed to go on a manhunt again, the possibility of Reza just up and leaving again never far out of his mind. “Stay safe” He finally whispered against the smaller boy’s head as he let him go, hoping that this wouldn’t be the last time.

It seemed like all that chaos earlier, the frustrated yelling and scathing remarks, had been enough of an outlet for both of them as the two very different boys had their first serious and calm conversation. Reza could have imploded with relief; Noah wasn't mad and seemed to actually believe him. It felt pretty damn nice. The feeling of complete implosion only got stronger when Noah wrapped his arms fully around him. The height difference made it so that Reza's head was nestled rather comfortably in Noah's chest; it was almost overwhelming, the raw smell of Noah that Reza had grown accustomed to, the warmth of his skin, the soft yet so damn firm muscles and the steady beating of a heart. Reza would have been content just standing here for an undecided amount of time, his own arms curling back around Noah's shoulder blades. But aside from the fact that hugging forever was just highly unpractical, Reza really did have to leave. And yeah, he most definitely had a very soft, content smile on his face as they broke the hug, his own skin feeling that much cooler without the Noah's warmth. "I will. And I'll call," he added, because Noah deserved more than just a casual text. Reza's phone vibrated again. With a very frustrated huff, he went for his helmet and gloves. "Talk to you soon," he called over his shoulder as he bolted for the cycle, a different kind of jittery feeling taking over as he left one nerve racking situation for another.

#strap urselves in it's a long one #p:noah #touchofchatzy #tw noah freaking finALLY ADMITTING TO THE THING #you go noah im so proud

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