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thecapricunt1616 · 2 months

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Lily of the Valley - (c.b. oneshot)

O/S INSPO: Lily of the Valley Soothing, calming, draws peace and tranquility, and repels negativity. Assists in empowering happiness and mental powers. Married couples should plant Lily of the Valley in their first garden to promote longevity of the marriage. POSTED DATE:03/30/2024 W/C: 4,114

A/N: FINALLY!!!! I am so sorry this took forever! This O/S is based on this adorable request from the LOML @daysofyellowroses - please check out her blog! I hope this satisfies your Carmy Proposing idea! I'm sorry it took so long i've been sick, but were back baby!!! Requests are opennnn y'all! This is also heavily inspired by my amazing OOMF @gingergofastboatsmojito - In another timeline Carmy still somehow came across Madame Stardusts jewelry (she transcends time and space that woman!) , & Stella exists too! If you want to meet more of that character in the universe Ginger created (I highly recommend you do)you can read that AMAZING FIC HERE ! Please be sure to leave kudos & comments & give Ginger all the flowers she deserves!!!

WARNINGS FOR BTC: Smut, Swearing, NO USE OF Y/N - As little physical description as possible, fluffy Carmen, OC Carmy - (He's more emotionally grown obvi hahah)

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭

You pushed the heavy, bulging tote bags full of groceries up your arm as you walked back to Your&Carmy’s shared Condo Building. The wildflower seeds you’d thrown on the little patches of grass on your walks to the train, along the sidewalk on your block had finally started to bloom. Adorable tiny little flowers in vibrant shades of blue, pink, purple, yellow, and white peeking out over the sidewalk's edge.

Spring had most definitely sprung in Chicago by this point. Your commute whilst walking to work down Michigan Ave, passing the stunning array of tulips, had told you that fiercely every time you walked to and from the train this week on the way to work. It was finally Friday, and you couldn’t be happier.

Carmen had been so busy this week- busier than normal. You’d usually just hang out with your best friends to fill that pathetic, lonely void while grading papers and doing your own assignments- but they were busy this week too! You were convinced the universe had bound you to loneliness this week, so naturally, all you wanted to do was get home, crawl into bed, and sleep- until Carmy came in around 2 to 3 am, and get that savored 15 minutes of cuddles after his shower, before exhaustion came over you again and you fell back asleep.

You used your special key fob to get in the door of your condo’s shared building, which to your standards was very luxurious- it included amenities you’d never even thought of. You and Carmy had moved in together 3 months ago, it took a lot of convincing on your end. You and Carmy had lived on opposite ends of town, so every time you’d see eachother, (which was very often) - it would be an hour's drive that he insisted- or, him losing the battle- and allowing you to take the train back all those stops.

You weren’t particularly religious, it was more just a personal preference - that you would be at least engaged before you were to move in together. Especially before having a mortgage together. You’d told Carmy this, and he’d given you the same answer each time over the last two years he’d been begging - “Baby we know we’re in love, you know we’re eachothers forever person - we tell eachother every day! We’ve been together 3 years, Let me take care of you”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be taken care of- it’s just…you liked working. You loved your job, you’d went to school and earned a masters degree for Christ sake, and were currently working on your PHD. You couldn’t ever see yourself giving that up, and moving in with a boyfriend and him insisting on paying all the bills made you fear you’d fall pregnant, and then your professional life would be over.

But, Carmen had insisted to you he wasn’t interested in children unless you were. You were sure at one point you never wanted them, but you were becoming more afraid, because seeing as amazing an uncle Carmen was, how naturally kind and understanding he was of children- it brought out something in you. It was so sudden that you could imagine turning your shared library / art studio into a nursery during slow time at work.

You walked down the hall, in no rush to be home. The only presence waiting being your cat, Truffle, Carmy had insisted on the name due to his deep black fur.

You approached the door, confused as to why you were hearing…music? From your apartment? You shook the hope of Carmy being home this early away, not wanting to be dissapointed. The neighbors downstairs must be blasting that same kind of jazz instrumental Carmy listens to so loud that you heard it through the floor.

You unlock the door, and sure enough the music playing softly through the condo gets a tad louder but the first thing to catch your eye was the white and pink rose petals making a trail to the kitchen. You heard Carmy humming lightly, the sound of chopping on the cutting board.

“Bear?” You quickly nudge the door shut with your hip, not even bothering to take your shoes off and rushing down the hall into the kitchen. Sitting atop the breakfast bar, was a vase packed with beautiful pink and white roses.

He looks up from the cutting board “My favorite girl” he stops what he was doing immediately coming and taking the bags from your shoulders, setting them down before greeting you with a sweet kiss. He cupped your cheeks gently, pulling you in to him so you were flush together with his other hand.

“You used our card f’that right?” He asked softly when he pulled away. You roll your eyes a bit, he had insisted you get a shared credit card, and that you purchase everything with it- and at the end of the month, he will show you the statement, and only pay a quarter of the total, just another one of the ways he assured every financial burden of yours was eased significantly.

“Yes, what is all this baby?” You asked, motioning to the roses. “Did I forget somethin? Our anniversary isn’t for another 2 months” you asked a bit nervously. Carmen wasn’t a stickler for dates, but it would break your heart if you were to forget something important.

“No- no. I just…just love you- I wanted to show you, and especially after this week I know I’ve been crazy busy, and I’ve been comin’ in late and leavin’ early, and…I just wanted to show my best girl how much she means t’me” he kissed your forehead sweetly and you felt a blush creeping to your cheeks.

“That’s so sweet Bear. Thank you I love you, this is…no one’s ever done this- oh my god- are those balloons?” You giggled, seeing heart shaped foil balloons tied to your chair at the table and he smiled proudly.

“Mmhmm, the lady at the flower place said that - we can talk about it later. You wanna cook w’me? You can just watch if you want?” He asked, gently brushing his fingers through your hair.

“I never turn down a lesson from the best, let me go get changed real quick” you headed toward the bedroom and he stopped you by your hand pulling you back into his chest, kissing your neck with wet open mouth kisses earning a giggle that you couldn’t contain.

“Mmm- don’t go in there right now, it’s for later. I already got your pajamas right here” he said going over to the couch and grabbing your favorite pair of sweatpants and his old ‘the beef’ tshirt that to you was the most comfortable thing in the world, especially when he wore it to bed for a few nights before giving it back.

“For later huh?” You muse, taking off your heeled booties and unbuttoning your slacks before peeling them off and trading them for your soft fuzzy grey sweatpants.

“Mmhmm” he hummed in response and took your pants for you and your blouse and bra as well, bringing them to the laundry room as you put the shirt on and got your hair situated into a bun.

“What are we cooking today, chef?” You asked, heading over to the kitchen to see there were little bowls of vegetables that have been precut and you gasp happily. “Stop- are we really?” You giggled.

“I told you that it’s easy baby but you hate eggplant so ratatouille isn’t gonna be something you’re a big fan of” he chuckled. You had watched the movie with him, and told him that the ratatouille dish looked insanely delicious and that you wanted him to make it for you, but he told you your aversion to eggplant would probably turn you off the dish.

“But there isn’t eggplant” you said looking over the dishes filled with various vegetables.

“That’s right, this is princess ratatouille. I’ve been figurin’ out different vegetables w’Syd that would work for it, we finally got it right. We have zucchini and a few different squashes, and we have onion and garlic, tomato, bell pepper, everything you like. I think you’ll love it baby.” He said rubbing your back gently.

“Of course I’m gonna love it bear, I love everything we make together you have the magic touch. So what’s my job?” You asked eagerly.

“You my special sous chef, are gonna help put the veggies in and I’m gonna do the sauce” He kissed your temple gently.

“Ok! Let me get my apron” You said, happily turning to the drawer you kept your aprons in.

“Wait-” he said, holding your arm. You look back at him and he looked…nervous.”Is…something wrong?” You questioned, brows furrowed slightly in concern.

“No- no I um….i got you a new one” he said sheepishly, walking over to the island and opening up the cupboard beneath you never used.

“Oh- ok..Leveling up are we?” You joked, happily leaning against the counter.

“Jesus-” he chuckled, “Close y’r fuckin eyes- carnival psychic” he teases and you laughed, obliging and closing your eyes.

“Carnival psychic?” you asked and he came over gently putting bundle of fabric in your awaiting hands.

“I swear t’god- you went snoopin’? Open your eyes” he said. You opened your eyes, looking into your hands and seeing an apron. It was white, just like his, and folded perfectly. In thick black letters, intricately painted, ‘ Will You Marry Me? ‘ Adorned with a little red heart over the center pocket that had a square shaped bump.

You felt all of the blood leave your face, your knees feeling wobbly, your mouth gaping in to an O shape, as you stare down at the apron. “Where did you get this?” you whispered, completely awestruck.

“I-I…um…made it?” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I- shit. Fuck- is this not how you pictured it? I’m so fuckin sorry babe- I-I thought…I dunno- like.. You wanted it private? Cause I know you said you’d never-” he’s interrupted by your lips crashing on his in a fervent wanting kiss, a mix of spit and teeth and lips and tongues, he moans softly into your mouth, squeezing your waist.

You were pressed together so firmly that the small box dug into your ribs, eventually pulling away from him with shaking hands and reaching into the pocket, pulling out the small black velvet box. You ever so carefully opened it, your breath catching in your throat when you saw the absolutely breathtaking ring.

“I-it’s not uh..not a diamond- cause I know you said-” you interrupt him

“Princesses and Queens don’t wear diamonds, they wear crystals” you finished, staring at the beautifully cut opal, at least 8 carats, banded by a intricate edwardian band… nothing short of a ring for a Goddess.

“But..But- this one…it does- it has both…because uh” he swallows thickly. “It…in my mind- when I s-saw it, it represented your soul, and your physical body.. And I liked that. Cause- y’re my diamond, but you’re also my queen, my everything, baby. Like how - how you said that…you wished your aura was opal? It is. It is, angel. And every time you look at that, I want you to remember that you’re beautiful from your diamond exterior, to your opal soul” he brushed his finger over the ring, before meeting your gaze once again.

He gently wiped the tears that were running down your cheeks freely, hot and wet and open. It was rare that Carmy genuinely used his words rather then his actions to express his love for you, so you were nothing short of savoring this. “Holy fucking shit” you laughed, shaking your head and looking down at the ring box. “Put it on my hand” you held your left hand out.

He chuckled a bit, “so… yes? You will?” he asked carefully, pulling the ring out of the box.

“Are you kidding, YES! Put this ring on my finger and fuck me dumb- this is all i’ve ever wanted, Bear, I fucking love you- and youre asking if I want you to be my husband?! I’ve wanted nothing more for two years- at least!” you shake your left hand for emphasis, a wide large grin on your face.

He carefully slid the ring over your manicured finger, and it just made you cry more how it fit perfectly. “How do you know my size?!” you asked, since most of the vintage rings he'd bought you were adjustable so it didn't matter the size of the rings he’d gotten for you before.

He chuckled a bit, “so- y’re ring…y’know the one…y’thought you lost it at Chipotle like…ahhh- 8 months ago now? In the bathroom? Y’took it off at the table, you wore it on your ring finger so I had to take my chance. You kept sayin how it was like- the only ring you’d found that fit without takin’ it to the jewler. So uh” he dug in his jeans pocket, placing your beloved vintage ring with your starsign on it in your palm.

“I got that ring, based on the size. I got it uhhh…sorry dont be offended- it’s not new… I got it at an estate sale of this lady- it was crazy- the way I came across it babe… like fate. It was when Syd and I went to New York for that interview, she literally dragged me to this sale cause she said the lady who died was said to have a bunch of vintage fur and stuff she was looking f’somethin- anyway. We met the lady’s daughter- Stella? I think it was? Doesn’t matter… but she um..said her Ma was some crazy astrology nut, also said she only wore crystals. So I took a look… that was the first box I opened. And y’ring on my pinky, it fit perfect, so I tried it on- it fit like a glove. I’m glad we don't have to size it. Asked her if it was real, she said - her Ma told ‘er some…. Like life coach? Er- astrologer life coach author? Gave it to ‘er on a trip to Jamaica in the 60’s. Told ‘er ‘this ring will someday be worn on a hand proudly as a devotion of true love’- Miss- No! Madame ! Madame Stardust. Nutty name right?” he chuckled a bit.

You smiled proudly at the ring, a devotion of true love indeed. “I think” you turned to the counter, stacking the bowls of vegetables together and putting them in the fridge as you friskily countered “you are not going in to work at all next week- wifes orders” you walked over to him, hips swaying. “And after you fuck me absolutely stupid” you grabbed his collar, pulling him in so your faces were meer inches apart “Oh- and we talk about how this mademe stardust? Confirms that our souls are indeed woven together like a fucking wicker basket” you kiss him roughly, weaving your fingers through his dirty blonde curls and tugging firmly.

He moaned into your mouth, his hands trailing down and squeezing your ass firmly. You hummed in satisfaction, leaning against him and he stumbled back, back, back, pushing the bedroom door open with a squeak. You looked up, Breaking your kiss with wide eyes.

All throughout the bedroom, were printed photos of you and Carmy throughout the years, suspended with clear wire so it was as if the photos were floating midair. You clasp your hands over your mouth, admiring all the hard work and pure thought that had went into the gesture. You looked over all the photos, three years of memories hanging before you like a gallery of love surrounding you, all of your fondest happiest memories at every flicker of your eyes.

“Carmen” you whispered, walking forward and admiring each and every photograph…

He comes behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Y’know how you said no work next week…” he said softly, kissing up your neck with wet, sexy, open mouthed kisses. “We leave Sunday… F’Cyprus” He said hotly in your ear, his breath tickling your neck causing a moan to escape your lips as he gently lifts your shirt, palming your breast gently.

“Is- is that-” you breathe out

“We’re getting a tour of Aphrodites Baths” he said softly, rolling your taught nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Ah- y-you remembered?” you gasped, he let out a soft deep chuckle, Kissing the corner of your mouth and gently laying you down upon the soft sheets of your shared bed.

“I’d have proposed over a year ago- when I got the fuckin’ ring if i coulda gotten us the tour sooner” he muttered into your skin, tugging off your- (his) shirt, leaving supple, gentle kisses over your stomach and up your ribs.

“Mm- are we- can we swim?” I asked hopefully.

He gently wipes your tears away, “No” he said a bit sadly, “We can dip our hands… some asshole ruined swimming for people years ago…before we met…but- we were also gonna Parga Greece, baby. We’re spending 2 days in Cyprus, then flying to Parga on a charter- we can swim, fuck, do whatever in those waters baby. Amidst the Goddess of the Underworld f’five whole days” he smirked and you gasped, as if he’d gotten you the moon on a string.

“The Acheron River?” you whisper and he nodded, gently rubbing his thumb over your lips.

“That is the sexiest thing i’ve ever heard in my life- you’re gonna make me cum in the 2nd most famous river of Hell?” you giggled and he snorts a laugh, pushing you on the bed gently.

“Fuck yeah, you little fuckin’ freak” he teased, tugging off your panties and sweatpants in one swift pull, leaving you soaked and bare before him.

You gasped at the rough action, quickly being soothed by soft, sweet kisses over your hipbones.

“I fuckin smell y’kitten fuck” he growled, kissing the inner of your thigh in the way that made you creen.

“Shit- good- right? If y’compared me to a seafood market i’d break your nose” you teased, hooking the crooks of your knees over his shoulders, shivering when he leaned in closer, his hot breath directly over your clit- his lapis blue eyes boring into yours.

“That question doesn’t deserve an answer” he grumbled hotly, spreading your folds with his fingers and admiring the wet, slick, mess in front of him. “S’fuckin pretty princess- fuckin’ prettiest pussy in the world” he nearly moaned, burrying his mouth where you needed him most, eyes fixed on yours.

You couldn’t even make a sound- a hot breathy gasp escaping your slack-jawed stance as your head flopped back on the mattress with a soft bounce. “Mmmmm shit” Carmy hummed, satisfied with your taste as if he was devouring his favorite dessert.

“F-Ffuuuckkk” you whimpered out pathetically, voice cracking and bleeding out between the fracture lines of your hot intense pleasure.

“Mmhmm-mmmhmmm” Carmy mumbled confidently against your now firm clit, tongue flicking over it at a mind-numbing pace, bringing you right to the edge and hanging you there by a single finger.

“Ahhhh-Ahhhh-Fuck!! Carmy! Oh- ohhhh!!!” You whined, spine pointing in an arch off the mattress, your hips and thighs quivering and shaking wildly as your orgasm crashed over you like hot lightning before you could even warn him, or know yourself it was so close.

“Goooood girl, thats it- mm- my good fuckin’ girl- Y’gonna be my fuckin’ wife baby? Mmm? Gonna be mine? F’rever?” He grumbled, placing a gentle kiss to your clit before placing gentle yet firm pressure over it with the pad of his tongue that made your hips buck with a mind of their own.

He chuckled slightly into your heat, the vibration causing you to whine pathetically. “Y-yes-yes-fuck i’mfuckinyoursBear-y’gonnamakemey’wife? Yeah? Gonna make me Mrs. fuckin Carmen Berzatto?” you slurred, pulling him into a messy wanting kiss, soughing at the flavor of your core coating his spit.

“Fuckin- spit in my fucking mouth- claim me” you groaned. He smiled against your lips, pulling away slightly, a thick hot string of saliva connecting the two of you.

“So fuckin dirty” he grumbled with a smirk “Open that filthy fucking mouth” he ordered, getting quiet for a moment as he gathered saliva in the front of his mouth.

You obeyed him immediately - your jaw going slack, tongue stuck out ever so slightly and eyes fluttered shut. Then- you felt it, hot, sweet, salty saliva coating your tongue, you groan at the flavor as it continues pooling over your tastebuds. “Do not fucking swallow yet- greedy girl” he tapped your chin firmly, before pulling your jaw open wider with Tthe pad of his thumb.

“Stick out that pretty little tongue” he grumbled, you obeyed with a smile, opening wide as you could, sticking your tongue out far, showing off the creamy white saliva he’d dressed your tongue in, so much it was seeping down onto your chin, threatening to coat the front and back of your throat.

“Good girl- that's my good little kitten” he purred, “How d’you want me princess?” he gently collected the excess saliva from your chin on his thumb, sucking it off his digit hotly as he awaits your response while you swallow gratefully, the taste setting your soul ablaze.

“I want you to fucking claim me, Carmy, holy fuck- use me, worship me, fuck me like a goddamn animal- whatever you fucking want- please” you begged after you’d savored the taste while you swallowed, his sky blue eyes going dark as navy slacks with lust at the admission.

“Yeah? Why not all three?” he pushed you down to the mattress by your throat, not hard enough to bruise- but hard enough for the breath to leave your lungs and your core to throb so hard you were clenching your thighs, trying to give any solace of pressure to your swollen aching clit.

“P-please” you stuttered, writhing against the mattress and he chuckled darkly.

“Are we a little needy? Mmm princess?” he pushes your knees apart with his thigh, aiding the throbbing pressure with his strong fingers, rubbing firm, slow circles into the twitching bud that made your hips snap into the mattress and head fall back to the bed, eyes rolling back with a sharp gasp of pleasure.

“Pl-please-” you gasp out, spine arching sharply as he replaced his fingers with his mouth on your clit, 2 fingers slipping inside of you with no resistance due to the fact your core was so soaked it was beginning to pool at the dip of your bum and soak the sheets. The squelching as he pumped into your g-spot mixed with your high-pitched moans and frisky growls was absolute sin.

He opens his jaw wider, tonguing your entrance wildly and nuzzling his strong nose against your clit in broad strokes, randomly flicking back and forth quickly making you squeal in pleasure as you grind against his mouth, fully out of control of your movements as if you were a puppet on a string.

“H-Hooooo-i’m cumming- oh- don’t you dare fucking stop Carmen” you growled, grabbing his curls and pullinghim further into your core. “I’m cumming- i’mcumming-holy-holyfuck-imfuuuckiing-AAAH!” your thighs and hips shake and quiver, stars of ethereal white filling your vision.

“Mmhmmm” he grumbled, coming up and sucking your nipple with his slick lips, his chin and nose soaked with your arousal, so much so his chin dripped onto your ribs.

“H-Oh-yes Bear” you whined out, head tilting to meet his gaze. “I need you- I-I need you inside- like- fuck- when you- you have my knees around your hips and y-you fuckin’- just drill me Carmy- I need that- need you deep” You reverberated wantingly, wrapping your thighs around his waist taughtly, making it easier for him to take you exactly how you wanted.

“Jesus Christ- I can’t fuckin’ stand y’baby. Y’re like a fuckin’ drug- it’s like I fuckin’ function unless I’ve had a hit” he nibbed your collarbone, quickly removing his jeans and boxers, aligning himself with your entrance.

You gave him a mischievous smile, inching your hips forward. “C’mon- I don’t give a fuck ‘bout cooking right now- fuck me absolutely dumb- then take me to Sam’s f’r chocolate chip pancakes- sure that waitress will be over the moon bout my ring” you mused, capturing our lips together, as he scoops up your shoulders and holds you chest to chest, your third of many orgasms that night building throughout every muscle.

It was going to be a long night….

#carmen berzatto #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear fic #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy x reader #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fandom #borders & banners by saradika

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verydeadaten · 2 months

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Schedules

Based on this post.

Pyrrha: *with Yang* J-Jaune.

Jaune: *looking up from notebook* Pyr?

Pyrrha: *sweating* W-W-Would you be i-interested, I mean, um, me a-and Yang, um, w-we want...we want-WE-

Yang: Hey. *holds Pyrrha's hand* Don't worry P-Money, I got this. *kisses her cheek*

Yang: Loverboy! You know how me and Pyrrha have been dating for a few weeks, right?

Jaune: Yes, and I'm very happy it's been going well for the both of you!

Yang: Thank you. And you, Pyrrha, and me have been hanging with each other more than often, so we're good friends, right?

Jaune: I mean, you do invite me to third-wheel on your dates. I think we're a bit more than "good" friends, no?

Pyrrha: *red*

Yang: You cute little flirt, you.

Jaune: What?

Yang: Me and Pyrrha where thinking. Coul-

Pyrrha: COULD YOU DATE US?!?!

Jaune: HUH?

Yang: Whoa! Way to put it all out, babe! I'm proud of you.

Jaune: *blushing* C-Could you repeat that.

Pyrrha: Yang and me both decided we wanted you to join our, uh, relationship. We both lo...l-lov...we both really like you. You're smart and kind and handsome and determined andireallywanttokissyouonthemouthand-

Yang: Yeah, what she said. You're a real catch, Loverboy. And we want to reel you in. So...what do you say?

Jaune: Wow...really? I...I would love to be a part of you relationship.

Yang: YES!

Pyrrha: *nearly faints out of sheer happiness*

Jaune: But I can't.

Yang: What.

Pyrrha: *glass break sfx*

Pyrrha: Wha-Why not?!

Jaune: I'm too busy!

Yang: ...what.

Jaune: I can't date the two of you. I don't have the time.

Yang: Is this some kind of joke, Vomit-Boy? Because if it is, you need to get better material.

Jaune: It's not a joke! See? *pulls out piece of paper*

Pyrrha: What is this?

Jaune: My schedule.

Yang: Combat class...leadership class...cook for team? Frag time? The hell is that?

Pyrrha: Oh, that must be when he plays that shooty game he plays. Team...something 2?

Yang: What the? Training with Pyrrha? BABE! You've had alone time with him and you didn't invite me?

Pyrrha: I'm sorry!

Jaune: See? I'm really sorry girls. I'd love to date you, but my schedule's packed.

Yang: *seething with rage*

Pyrrha: no...NO! I WON'T ACCEPT THIS! JAUNE ARC! YOU WILL MAKE TIME FOR US BOTH!

Yang: Yeah!

Pyrrha: YOU WILL GO ON DATES WITH US!

Yang: YEAH!

Pyrrha: YOU WILL GIVE US GIFTS!

Yang: YEAH!

Pyrrha: AND YOU WILL MAKE LOVE TO US GENTLY ON A HOT SUMMER'S NIGHT!!!

Yang: YEA-wait what?

Jaune: But...but...I don't have the time!

Yang: Jaune, just do your work later in the day.

Jaune: But my sleep.

Pyrrha: Beloved, you wake up at the crack of dawn. You'll be fine.

Yang: And if it really is such an issue, just do your work with us. We mostly have the same homework, anyways.

Jaune: I...I never even thought of that.

Pyrrha: *sighs* You're such a silly, silly man.

Yang: Hey, he's our silly, silly man.

Jaune: Yeah! I mean, we are a thing now, right?

Yang: Damn straight! Now, get on your bed.

Jaune: Huh?

Yang: You see, Loverboy, you got me and P-Money over here really stressed out with your, "schedule shenanigans," and we need to cool off.

Pyrrha: *nodding head*

Yang: When we're stressed, we usually cuddle each other. But why do that when we have this big, blonde, hunky teddy bear in front of us? You feel me?

Jaune: *blushing* Y-Yeah. I, uh, I feel you.

Yang: Oh you'll be feeling us alright.

Jaune: *very red*

#rwby #jaune arc #pyrrha nikos #yang xiao long #greek fire #arkos #dragonslayer #armored dragon

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astraltrickster · 9 months

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Since the wave of mass site migrations there is one REALLY worrisome trend I've been noticing: the number of radfem posts I've been seeing ending up on my dash, reblogged unknowingly by people who think they're just base-level feminist statements, has all but gone back to c.2014 levels. Everything seems good on a surface level, but I spot one dogwhistle, or something strikes me as being a little too absolutist, and I check into that...and sure enough, the road leads back to terf city.

So here's a quick PSA:

Please be careful with your Feminism 101 sources.

See, terfs and their close relatives KNOW we don't like them here, so they don't tend to lead with their well-known hatred of trans women. On top of that, there is a problem with a subset of radfems on this site who purport to be trans-inclusive - i.e., they openly support trans women...but DESPISE trans men (often more than they hate cis men, because of the whole "joining the enemy"/"gender traitor" myth pushed by terfs) or any nonbinary person who aligns partially with manhood or masculinity, especially if they're AMAB (they often think they can "save" - i.e., conversion-therapy - the AFAB ones).

Therefore, on a single-post level, it is very, VERY hard to tell the difference between a basic feminist statement that, yeah, patriarchy exists and that means there are lots of awful double-standards around gender where women broadly get the shorter end of the stick and these standards AFFECT every individual in a society and that's something we should work to change, and a statement that these things are absolute and inevitable, either because Biology or because those double-standards are too deeply ingrained to EVER overcome without giving up and starting over from scratch (whichever is convenient), and the only solution is hardline female wombyn-born-wombyn separatism or at LEAST excluding trans people from public life for, at best, making it too hard to tell who's ~safe~. In fact, sometimes on that single-post basis, they could potentially even be identical - though less frequently than many people thought in the heyday of "OP was a terf so I stole this post but anyway all men are walking rape threats and need to accept that any reasonable person will always hate and fear them on sight".

So what can you, random newbie, do to avoid unwittingly passing one of these messages on without turning into some kind of horrible "feminism is cancer" chud?

Well, one of the easiest ways is the Shinigami Eyes browser extension, but I personally don't like to rely on it because 1) you can't use it on every platform (sorry mobile app likers), 2) in my experience it's somewhat common for "trans-inclusive" radfems to be flagged as safe because someone saw their positivity for trans women but not their hatred for trans men, and 3) I just don't like to promote the use of browser extensions as a substitute for learning what radfem rhetoric is and why it is, in fact, anything but feminist; it is very beneficial to terfs if the ONLY thing you know of their rhetoric is "they hate trans women".

The hard but better way is to actually familiarize yourself with what to look out for. Here is an inexhaustive list:

Category 0: Tags to add to your blacklist

Your blacklist filters out posts with the blacklisted tags in the reblog you're seeing, OR in the root post. Therefore, if a radfem post that looks like it's just base-level feminism does breach containment somehow and end up on your dash through someone else, it will still get caught if it's tagged with any of these:

Terfsafe

Radblr

Radfem

Terfs/radfems do interact/do touch/please interact/please touch, etc

Category 1: Terf-ese and dogwhistles

Some of these, especially those near the top of the list, are immediate telltale signs. Others are less certain, but they should at least raise some eyebrows.

"Gender critical" - literally a synonym for terf just used to make the ideology sound more legitimate; they often claim that terf is a slur

"TIM/TIF" - "Trans-identified male/female", a way to delegitimize trans identities

"Febfem" - female-exclusive bisexual woman; a bisexual woman who rejects her attraction to men; essentially a modern term for "political lesbian" (a group which claimed that lesbianism is not a sexual orientation that some people just Have, but a political choice to reject men)

"Butch flight" - the claim that trans men are butch lesbians transitioning to escape lesbophobia and gain male privilege

"Adult human female" - this very simplified dictionary definition of "woman" is something of a rallying cry

"Let girls be tomboys/butch" - some people say this in response to old repressive gender roles in things like dress codes, or even people holding trans women to a higher standard of femininity than cis women, but if that is not explicitly the context it's very likely that this means "stop the evil plastic surgery racket from force-transing every little girl who even looks at a truck, which they're TOTALLY doing"

The inverse, while less common (terfs tend to be very open about not wanting men to be feminine in any way because of "deception" and "false security"), is also one to look out for - sometimes it's a statement against binarism and gender essentialism, sometimes it's basically an assertion of the Blanchard "feminine homosexual man vs. autogynephilic man" model of what a trans woman is

"Compulsory heterosexuality/comphet" - an aspect of heteronormativity whereby it's common, especially for younger people, to try to force themselves to experience heterosexual attraction when they don't. Useful as it may seem, the term was coined by radfems. Most people who are not terfs or other radfems who want to discuss it will discuss it under the umbrellas of heteronormativity and amatonormativity

Hogwarts houses - this is a sneaky one; far from everyone who read those books or even enjoyed them is a terf, but since JKR's full-tilt descent into fascism via the gateway of transphobia, terfs HAVE been using this as a way to seek out their own and mark themselves as safe; let this also serve as a reminder that if you are NOT a terf PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM YOUR BIO; it WILL both draw them to you AND cause you to be immediately distrusted by anyone else, saying "I DO NOT CONDONE THE VIEWS OF JKR" will not help because terfs can and do lie about that too in communities where they have to stay crypto, at best you're granting them plausible deniability

Referring to men and women as "males" and "females"

Usernames referencing "female" reproductive anatomy - may be a good sign if they're attached to trans-positive modifiers like "boy" or "they", but a username like "divine-vagina" or "ovariesofpower" (note these are theoretical usernames, not ones I've encountered in the wild; if someone does have one of those usernames and isn't a radfem I'm deeply sorry) is probably a terf

Hatred of makeup and plastic surgery - look, no one likes the beauty industry, no one is going to dispute that beauty standards are a nightmare, but this is frequently a smokescreen for hating gender confirmation or anything that helps with the "deception" inherent to transness; be ESPECIALLY wary of anyone talking about "TikTok plastic surgeons trying to sell their services to impressionable teenage girls", this usually translates to "gender confirmation surgeons telling young transmascs that there are options for them", and remember that you either believe in bodily autonomy or you don't, there is no third option

Category 2: Ideological concepts to look out for

This is some of the beginnings of crossing the line from feminism to radfem bullshit - if the rest of the post seems cool but starts heading in these directions, don't assume it's hyperbole; get it as far away from you as possible.

Patriarchy, men-oppressing-women, is THE root system of injustice from which all others spawn. Some will acknowledge that other factors may intersect, but will still claim that they are lesser. Bringing up the long history of white women getting men of color, especially Black men, killed via weaponized fragility and false claims of sexual violence, is just a series of flukes and pointing it out to refute this notion that men vs. women outranks all other inequalities is just whataboutism.

Because patriarchy is so far-reaching, it affects every individual, and because it trumps all other axes of oppression, this means that in every interaction between any man and any woman, the man will be the one with more power.

Men, due to socialization, biology, or both, are categorically incapable of recognizing women as full people. This is not only a broad pattern, but an inevitable fact, true of every individual man, no matter how hard anyone tries to change it.

There is a singular Universal Female Experience. According to terfs, this is an external force; trans women don't have this socialization experience, therefore they can never truly know what it's like to be a woman. According to tirfs, it is internal; trans men process their experiences internally as men from birth to death and therefore have no claim to truly understand any experience of misogyny directed at them.

The experience of being a woman is, first and foremost, suffering. It is therefore to be expected that a certain subset of people would transition to try to escape it - but it's the wrong answer, and this practice of either self-destruction or betrayal must be stopped at all costs. Anyone who wants in on the miserable experience that is womanhood, on the other hand, is at best insensitively looking at a burning building and going "wow, that looks so warm!", blissfully but cruelly unaware of the misery of the situation, and at worst is lying to satisfy a fetish.

Women are categorically incapable of abusing men, because patriarchy outranks all, down to the individual level. Some may also say that this is true because of biological differences in physical strength. (Very feminist, isn't it, to say "the strongest woman is still weaker than the weakest man and nothing can ever change that"?)

There is, fundamentally, no difference between a person with some subconscious misogyny problems and an incel mass shooter; both will abuse women, and therefore both must be treated as threats.

Because the power differential between men and women is so great, a woman cannot TRULY meaningfully consent to sex with a man; all sex between a man and a woman is rape.

Because rape is such a common trauma among women, the very existence of men - or penises, for that matter, even fully clothed ones - in a space where a woman doesn't expect them is traumatic and itself tantamount to rape.

Lesbians don't just have their own unique flavor of oppression experience like any other queer subgroup; they are in fact THE most uniquely oppressed and vulnerable of all, because being a lesbian is first and foremost not about attraction to women, but rejection of men (recall the ties to political lesbianism). Some radfems will embrace contradictory labels or slightly varied personal definitions for other queer subgroups - but if you're anything but a Kinsey 6 who would never even consider making an exception, and 100% a binary woman, you CAN'T identify as a lesbian. You cannot identify as a lesbian if you wouldn't dump your partner or try to conversion-therapy "her" if "she" came out as transmasc. To a tirf, you cannot identify as a lesbian if you're on the butch-transmasc cusp, if they're willing to admit such a cusp exists in the first place. To terfs, you cannot identify as a lesbian if you would ever date a trans woman, let alone if you ever have.

Again, this is far from being an exhaustive list, but it covers most of the most common things that set off my own alarm bells. Additions are more than welcome.

Remember, the danger of letting radfem posts slide because they seem okay on the surface is twofold: one, you're directing more people to their blogs and exposing them to more people they may then target, and two, when those concepts that cross the line bleed out into your gender theory, the result is bad for you and everyone around you.

#internet culture #internet safety #serious tag #internet bullshittery warning #tumblr culture

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life-is-more-than-just-a-game · 3 months

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♠️ What a day off of games with the aib males can look like. ♠️

A/N: Sorry, I've been absent for two days now, but for good reason. I wasn't feeling too well mentally and needed some time to myself because something happened that put me in quite a hole ... 🥲

Still, I've been thinking about what I could post here next, so I've prepared a few headcanons that define what I think a day off of games with the male characters might look like. 🙈

I hope that some of you are still around and will read through it. Feel free to let me know what you think about it or if you think any of them might have other interests! ✨

Characters: Aguni, Arisu, Chishiya, Karube & Niragi.

POV: gn!reader

Warnings: Not given.

A g u n i

It depends on what time we are in.

If the beach still exists, Aguni is often prevented from doing anything with you outside if he already occupies the number one spot.

You would have to live with the fact that you would hardly have any time just for the two of you, because someone from his troupe would always want something from him.

If he realises that this is bothering you - or he is annoyed by it himself - he will turn his boys away and say that they should leave him alone for the next 2 hours as far as possible because he has better things to do.

In general, no matter what time loop we are in, I would say that Aguni would adjust to your needs.

I have the following typical scenario in mind:

Aguni: "So there are no games waiting for us today. Any ideas what you want to do in our day off?" Y/N: "Uhm ..." Aguni: "Come on, you must have been in the mood for something." Y/N: "Yeah, but I really don't know for what I am in the mood for ..."

Nobody said it would be easy with you, but let's be honest: it's the Borderland, what excited yet relaxing things could you do here so far?

If you really don't know what you want to do, he would give some suggestions.

Aguni: "We could go to the pool." Y/N: "Too cloudy for my taste ..." Aguni: "We can do some sports together." Y/N: "Now your expectations are set far too high!" Aguni: "What about fishing?" Y/N: "Can't we just get some fresh air and go for a walk together?" Aguni: "..." Y/N: "..." Aguni: "You knew very well what you wanted to do, didn't you?" Y/N: "Without my lawyer, I won't say anything."

A r i s u

If you want to do something, then Arisu is definitely the right person.

The boy is always up for a lot of nonsense and fun activities.

This is probably also because he doesn't want to constantly think about the terrible circumstances that are happening here.

He has got used to life here, but living in constant fear doesn't get someone anywhere and only has a negative effect on oneself.

So, if he is being trapped in a world that could take his life sooner or later, he at least wants to live every day as if it were his last.

You will not regret spending time with him.

He comes up with the wildest ideas, starting with taking a closer look into the various broken buildings.

Of course, he would still be cautious of entering any places just like that- not that both of you suddenly find yourself in a game, because that's what you're trying to avoid today.

Y/N: "A-Are you sure we should do this, Arisu?" Arisu: "Nope, but you only live once, so let's check this building out- maybe we'll find some interesting things in here." Y/N: "Would you define 'corpses' as interesting ...?" Arisu: "Wow, you really managed to ruin my fun."

You still wouldn't be able to stop him.

Investigating the building would include lots of laughter and piggybacks when your feet get tired from all the walking over ruins and debris.

Eventually you find out that this building was a former arcade.

You can definitely pass the time well there.

Arisu: "Would you like a game of billiards?" Y/N: "I'm going to rip you off so bad, love."

C h i s h i y a

Listen, this boy is a damn lazy piece of shit.

When there aren't any duties don't expect him to do something special.

He has no problem putting his feet up for a day and literally doing nothing.

Feel honored if he spends his time with you at all.

No matter where you both would be, he would find ways to just doze off and relax while you - after all - lie in his arms and enjoy his closeness.

It's nice that he can do that, but you can't.

Y/N: "We've been lying around here all day." Chishiya: "Well realised." Y/N: "I'm bored." Chishiya: "Then do something."

He would definitely be a great help to you.

Jokes on you, no, he wouldn't.

Y/N: "But I wanna do something with you today since we have enough time finally." Chishiya: "We do something, darling." Y/N: "Idiot, that's not what I meant!"

Making you pout is one of his favorite things to do.

How could he be bored if you let him get on your nerves so easily?

In contrast to you, he has something to laugh about and something to amuse himself with.

Nevertheless, he would at least agree to a compromise:

Chishiya: "How about this? We'll use the time now to laze around and in the evening we'll take a look at the neighbourhood together and see which places are damned by games this time." Y/N: "We don't take part in any games, our visas count enough days for us." Chishiya: "Who said anything about taking part in a game?" Y/N: "So, if I let you lounge around now, you will promise me to stay up late with me?"

Damn, you love the nightlife.

Chishiya: "That's a deal."

K a r u b e

To me the funniest but most chaotic one.

During the day, at least.

I can well imagine that Karube and you had already planned the day ahead the evening before.

But what would life be like if everything went as planned?

The morning is pleasant. You wake up together and after a intense cuddle-round, you start your routine as usual.

Unfortunately, Karube realizes that he can't find something.

Something very important when it comes to following his routine.

Karube: "Honey, d'you know where my cigarettes are?" Y/N: "I don't know where you put them yesterday after you got ready for bed."

In the end, it all comes down to searching your whole accommodation for his cigarettes.

I mean, when you do smoke yourself, they can be important for you too ...

If not, well, then you are a very nice and good person!

Y/N: "Did you found them?" Karube: "I would have told you when that would be the case." Y/N: "Sure you didn't throw the box away because you smoked you last one yesterday evening?" Karube: "I know my pack of cigarettes inside out, there were at least three more in there."

You can guess where this is going.

You spend the whole forenoon looking for his damn cigarettes.

You turn the whole accommodation upside down.

Both of you look under every stone.

In every room.

Two times- minimum.

Y/N: "Karube, fave it, you don't have any- ... Darling ...? Karube: "What is it?" Y/N: "What's that in your pants pocket ... at the back of your butt?" Karube: "Uh-... Oh!"

Now he remebers ...

Karube: "You found them! That's right, I put them straight in my jeans yesterday so I couldn't forge- hey!" Y/N: "Yeah, I threw your boxer shorts at you!"

N i r a g i

Oh, my dearest reader-chan, please stay close to him no matter where he goes.

When he has nothing to do, he will go through the city streets looking for people to annoy.

He would look for trouble and find it- even if there's no reason for trouble, he'll just make it happen himself and find his reasons.

I don't know how, but at least you managed to stop him from taking his gun.

That's something you should be very proud of.

However, that doesn't stop him from doing anything and we know that.

So please. Stay. With. Him. Thank you!

In any case, you walk around the area together and check it out a little.

You'll talk about pretty trivial things every now and then, but that's still more pleasant than just talking to each other all the time.

When you meet someone, Niragi is ready to provoke them directly for no reason.

Thank god you had a firm hold on his hand or his arm so you could quickly drag him in another direction to avoid the innocent people.

Y/N: "Oh, look!"

Yes, you also like to pretend to see something that you would find interesting.

… In partially empty shop windows.

Niragi: "What the fuck should I look for?" Y/N: "See the rocks there?" Niragi: "You kidding me, right?"

The nice thing is that he would still look to something you tell him to look at.

There could actually be something interesting there.

Well, most of the times at least.

It's nearly impossible but who know?

Y/N: "OH, SEE WHAT I HAVE FOUND TH-" Niragi: "What is it this time? Another boring and ugly stone you think it's fascinating?" Y/N: "No ..." Niragi: "Oh, what is it this time then?" Y/N: "The tree there."

He will touch his nose and look at you angrily- but not without laughing afterwards at your amiable stupidity.

Damn, he loves you so much for what you are, he can't even be bothered.

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somecunttookmyurl · 1 month

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Hey, you recently mentioned somewhere about how growing pains aren't really a thing the way we think of them in the tags about a post about taking kids' pain seriously. And i've been sitting on that ever since, as someone who had severe 'growing pains' growing up that'd take me out for days but was told to stick it out. Thing is, they never went away and despite hitting 30 soon I regularly google something like 'growing pain in 20s' with some regularity.

I've finally bit the bullet, done the doctor marathon, ended up at a rheumathologist and was like 'idk i've had pain my entire life i was told it was normal'. (Didn't go over well, but how could it have.) Despite him then noting hypermobility he's adamant hsd or heds aren't worth looking into. And now i'm sat here like. Well, was it ever growing pains?

Could you talk more about what you meant with the growing pains? My mind is not letting it go

'growing pains' is something doctors say to dismiss pain in teens and children a lot.

the fact is, yes, some children get pains that are temporary and ultimately harmless and not at all related to growing in fact we don't know why it happens

the other fact is it tends to be limited to the ages of approximately 3 to 11, yet doctors use it to dismiss pain in teenagers - who still do a lot of growing often very quickly (especially boys).

it affects mostly if not exclusively the legs (notably calves and shins) and worsens following physical activity. yet doctors will often use it to handwave away any and all musculoskeletal pain

so yes there is a type of pain children (but not really teens) can experience in their lower legs. but not a) the rest of the body b) long-lasting c) bad all the time and d) it has nothing to do with actually growing

and frankly given we "don't know" why it happens at all i'd bet decent money there actually is a cause for whatever pain happened even if it was temporary. like doing the three-legged race wrong.

edit: sorry skipped over the hypermobile part. for some people (i hate them personally) hypermobility is not painful. for most people it IS. this is for the simple fact that your ligaments and tendons (connective tissue) are too stretchy so they aren't holding your joints in place as well as they should. so you know what has to pick up your slack? your larger muscles. you know what is built for movement and not 24-7 activation to keep you assembled? your muscles. they're doing something they're not supposed to have to do, and they're doing it all the time and they are fucking tired. unfortunately (i have hypermobile EDS and didnt get diagnosed until i was 28) there is no "cure" for this. the only treatments are stabilisation - physical therapy to try and build up the smaller stabilising muscles and support garments or things like k-tape to take the load off the bigger muscles by providing external support. also massage and heat to relieve the tension and tiredness.

#that's what i mean by 'growing' 'pains' aren't really a thing #they certainly weren't why i could barely walk at the age of 16 having not grown a single fucking milimetre since the age of 13 #and they aren't why your back hurts. and they aren't why your shoulders hurt

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athanasius-symposium-of-writings · 1 month

Text

NSFT Alphabet: Infernal Sin!Fool's Gold

-you have a big storm coming for you meme here-

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He is not a gentle nor kind lover. He is the Lord of the Seven Hells, King of the 72 demons of Goetia, the Lord of Infernal Sin; and if you want a gentle lover then look to Orphan of Goetia, NOT HIM. Aftercare is handled by the Beholder of His Heart (Norton), the love is for the human to give to you and to express when he takes care of you. Loving you, checking on you, giving you the post-sex intimacy you need.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Everything, he is obsessed with you. Obsessed with all that he has claimed on many days and nights

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Hot and glowing cum, he likes to be dirty with it when with you. Making you open your mouth and keep it there before drinking it, making you wear your clothes with his cum still in or on you, cumming on your hair or clothes-- He a nasty mf

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There are times he possesses the Orphan of Goetia to fuck you in a mortal shell, to feel the difference between skin on skin versus skin on rock.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He has fucked a 1000 upon a 1000 of mortals, and few can claim to be his favorite. You are one of them <3

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Again, full nelson

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Serious, very mean playful

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Literal rocks so no hair

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

There is nothing romantic about this, he fucks to indulge and to mark you as his. This is for him, he just so happens to like you enjoying it too

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Why? He has you, he has his counterpart, he has that worshiper, and he could have another mortal or demon. So he doesn’t need to masturbate when he can grab someone to play with

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dacryphilia, Bukkake, Forniphilia, Humiliation, Impact Play, Degradation, basically get ready for kink town with him

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He will do it anywhere he damn pleases, sorry you do not get much say in that

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Literally the king of sin, he can be read to go at random moments or because he is bored

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Gentle and do not ask him to be submissive

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes doing both giving and receiving but he likes making you cock warm his cock with your mouth

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough, slow but deep when he is teasing and edging you

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are fun to keep you ready for him later

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

A lot of risks with him

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

A lot. Pray, seriously

T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No, only he can touch you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Painfully unfair

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He can be vocal, will growl, talkative as he reminds you who is fucking you and how you feel amazing

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He sometimes invites that mystic dancer to peg you so he can watch you both

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

12in uwu

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High sex drive, pray you can handle him

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He does not sleep because he does not need to sleep lol

#idv #identity v x reader #idv x reader #reader insert #identity v #identity v x you #idv fool's gold #fool's gold x reader #fool's gold #fool's gold x you #norton campbell x reader #norton campbell #norton campbell x you #identity v fool's gold #idv x you

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pedroshotwifey · 1 month

Text

To The Flame chapter twelve

Series masterlist

Pairing: Dark!Javier Peña x afab!reader

Chapter w/c: 2.6k

Chapter warnings: mentions of physical abuse, manipulation, mental abuse, steve and connie!!, fluff but like backhanded fluff?, Javi being a dick, alcohol consumption, mild description of injury

Chapter Summary: Javi takes you out on your date and you meet some potential friends

A/N: Hey, y'all! Super excited about this one! These character introductions mean a lot to this story. Hope you like it! (also sorry about not posting last week, pls forgive me ❤)

*****

“Shit,” you mutter.

You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, fixated on the ugly welt marring your right cheekbone. Your right eye is a bit swollen as well, but not too badly. You’re mostly worried about how the hell you’re going to hide the discoloring. Even with your makeup, it’s going to be a feat.

It makes your stomach twist up to remember last night’s events. You still don’t understand why you had chosen to freak out like that. It was completely immature and irrational. He was just worried about you and you chose to berate him for it.

Thankfully, Javi seems to have completely forgiven you for your outburst. He woke up as normal this morning, planted a kiss on your forehead, and made your breakfast. You smile to think about it. Despite everything that happened yesterday, everything today is back as it should be, just how you like it.

You sigh and turn the sink on. You’ll wash your face and get dressed, then worry about this monstrosity last. You’re excited for your date. Javi told you that he’ll be taking you to a small restaurant a few blocks from the apartment. He’s out running an errand right now, or so he said. He wasn’t very specific, but he did promise to be back in time for your dinner date.

You lean down and splash your face with the cool water, suppressing a wince as it hits your bruised flesh. You really didn’t realize the hit had landed that hard. You scrub it anyway, being careful to not press too hard. You don’t think Javi got a very good look at it this morning, which is probably a good thing. He’d likely be devastated to know he caused such an injury.

You finish washing your face and reach for your dress hanging on the back of the door. It’s one of Javi’s favorites, and you’re excited to finally have an excuse to wear it again. You slip it over your head and turn around to zip the back with the help of the mirror. You pull at the edge and smooth it out so it falls effortlessly just above your knees.

It’s a beautiful color in contrast with your skintone, hell, it’s a beautiful dress in general. You smile at your appearance in the mirror. It’s not often you feel confident, but this dress never fails to bring it out of you. Maybe that’s why Javi likes it so much, too.

You hear the front door open as you fix one of the sleeves of the dress, a smile spreading across your face at the sound. Javi calls your name in greeting and your stomach flutters.

“I’m in here,” you call back. His footsteps grow closer.

“You ready, sweetheart?”

You peek your head out from the bathroom, careful to hide your right side behind the door frame. Javi’s standing in the middle of the bedroom. He looks gorgeous—as usual. He’s wearing a blue button up with his jeans and his regular boots.

“Yup, I’ll be just a second.”

“Alright, baby, take your time. There’s no rush.” He sends you a wink.

You flash him a quick smile before ducking back in and cracking the door behind you. You pick up your compact and lean in close to the mirror. The first layer doesn’t do much at all. The second makes a small difference, and by the third, all that’s left is to touch up certain spots. Even then though, you know there’s nothing you can do about the swelling of your eye and one of the deeper bruises. You take a step back. It doesn’t look so bad when you’re not too close.

You sigh and finish up the rest of it, only putting everything away once you’re satisfied that you look pretty much normal. Like it’s any other date night. You turn the light off and step out of the bathroom.

“Javi?”

“In the kitchen, sweetheart.”

You follow his voice, finding him leaning against the kitchen counter and craning his neck slightly to look out the window.

You grin as you step into view, giving him a small twirl and watching his smile widen when his gaze lands on you. You do your best to hide your right side, but try to be casual enough that he won’t think that’s what you’re trying to do.

“You look gorgeous, baby,” he says, walking toward you with open arms.

You let him embrace you in a hug, wrapping your own arms around his middle as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Thank you, Javi,” you mumble into his chest.

He lets you go after a moment and picks something up from the counter.

“Here, hermosa, got something for you” he offers you the bouquet of flowers. You gasp, sure that it’s the most beautiful bunch you’ve ever seen. That must have been why he went out. You’ll really never get over how thoughtful he is. It must have taken him a while to pick these out.

You beam at him as you take them in your hand. “Thank you,” you say again. He nods at you, warmth in his gaze as he watches you softly sniff the flowers. You look up when he clears his throat.

“Wanted to say I’m sorry,” he tells you, eyes flickering to and from yours. You frown a bit.

“It’s okay, Javi, I was the one acting up,” you assure him. You don’t want him to feel bad over something that wasn’t his fault. Just thinking about it puts a bad taste in your mouth. He’s much too sweet of a man to ever think that he’s done something wrong. You’re the childish one who threw a temper tantrum for no reason. It’s not fair for him to blame himself for what happened.

He nods solemnly, giving you a soft smile.

“I think we were both in the wrong there, sweetheart. I just don’t want it to happen again.”

Now it’s your turn to nod. You’re beaming inside at the fact that everything seems to be back to normal, but there’s also a sudden threat of tears pricking at your eyes and you’re not sure why. You look away, refusing to let them fall as you busy yourself putting them into a vase.

“Let me just put these in some water, and I’ll be ready,” you say as you turn on the sink.

****

You’re walking out the door minutes later, hand in hand with Javi as you try to contain the smile on your face. You’re way too excited about getting out. A part of you feels a bit guilty about getting your way after last night, but you suppose that Javi would have told you no if he thought it was really a bad idea tonight.

You stay silent and let him lead you downstairs, and you actually have to bite down on your lip to keep from full-on grinning when the evening air hits your face. It’s not too busy of a night, not many people out on the street at all. Still, Javi holds you close to his side as you make your way to the restaurant he was telling you about.

It’s not far, maybe a four or five minute walk from the complex. It’s small and cozy, exactly what you would hope for. He keeps his hand on the small of your back as you go to sit at an empty table, pulling your chair out for you and making sure you’re comfortable before sitting down in the seat across from you.

You smile at him as a waitress comes by and drops off a couple of menus. She takes your drink orders—a soda for you and a beer for Javi. You busy yourself with looking over the food options, failing to notice the way Javi’s started to stare at you.

His hand comes quickly across the table, making you flinch from surprise when he grabs your chin and tilts your head enough to see your right cheek.

“What’s this?” he demands.

You wince, really wishing you could have avoided this. You should have kept layering your makeup.

“”S from last night,” you mumble, ashamed even though you know you shouldn’t be. You just don’t want him to see what physical damage he may have done. He’ll tear himself up over it.

But he instead snaps, “And you didn’t fucking cover it?”

You’re taken aback, your head snapping away from his grasp. Shame fills you. Why can’t you just do something right for once? Tears again fill your eyes, only adding to your shame.

“I-I’m sorry, Javi,” you say quietly, staring at your hands in your lap. “I was just really excited to go out and—”

He sighs and leans back in his chair, cutting you off from your pointless excuse. “Just make sure nobody sees it,” he tells you. “Do you have any idea what that could do to me in my field of work?”

You nod, sniffing as your ears burn with embarrassment. Here he is taking you out and you ruin it by making another stupid decision. At least you’re not getting angry again. You have enough sense to keep that at bay.

You catch the waitress walking back with your drinks out of the corner of your eye and do your best to quickly collect yourself, giving her a warm, tear free smile when she sets your soda down in front of you. She smiles back and takes Javi’s order, which you order as well since you forgot to choose a dish for yourself.

You flash Javi a shy smile when she walks away, and, much to your relief, he gives you a small one in response. He’s still obviously not very thrilled with you, but at least he’s not straight mad.

“How have things been going at the house, baby?”

You know he means with renovations.

“They’re pretty good. Almost finished with all the painting and stuff. I might just need you to help me with some of the tile and cabinets.”

He nods. “Alright, I’ll see if I can get it done tomorrow.”

You nod back, trying not to be too tense. The conversation almost feels…awkward. It’s confusing. Luckily, the waitress comes quickly with your food, placing it in front of you and leaving you to it.

Conversation gets a bit better as the two of you eat. More casual and free-flowing.It’s not quite how it’s been the last few months, though. More like when the two of you had gone out together the first few times and had been a little shy. You brush it off though, sure that it won’t last too long. Even the two of you haven’t ever really been in a ‘post-fight’ situation yet, you believe that your chemistry is good enough for it to work itself out soon.

And it pretty much does by the time you’re finishing up your dinner. Javi’s smiling as you gush to him about a book you’re currently reading. It’s a very cute romance, one of the ones he’s brought you recently. He’s listening intently, happy to see your eyes light up with excitement.

The waitress comes back with the bill just as you’re telling him about the ending, and he hands his card over, along with a cash tip, as he continues to listen. It’s so nice to have someone who enjoys hearing about your interests. Before Javi, you can’t really remember having a person who would genuinely want to hear about your books.

You finish just as the waitress comes back, revealing the plot twist dramatically. His eyes widen with your reveal, both to indulge you but also probably a bit out of surprise because—in your opinion—it was a pretty insane plot twist.

But then his gaze darkens, pointed over your shoulder, and you frown.

“Javi?”

Your mouth is open to say his name, but it wasn’t you who said it. You snap your head around to see a couple walking toward you, the man smiling broadly. There’s a woman holding his hand, looking a little less enthusiastic than the man about seeing your husband.

You see Javi tense out of the corner of your eye as they reach your table. The man drops the woman's hand to round the table and clap Javi’s shoulder.

“What are you doing, you son of a bitch?” the man asks in a joking tone. “Thought you said you didn’t date.”

Javi’s jaw clenches as your brows furrow.

What?

“Uhm, yeah,” you supply, ignoring the way your stomach churns at the fact that he hadn’t mentioned you at all. “That may have something to do with the fact that he’s married.” You hold your left hand up, flashing your ring. The man’s light brows go up in surprise, a slight smirk overtaking his features. But then the smile drops and he shoots his gaze down to your husband.

“Well I’ll be damned,” he says slowly. “Didn’t think you were the type, Peña.” His tone is almost flat now. You don’t understand why it changed so quickly. Javi looks back up at him, a flicker of dark emotion that you can’t quite place showing in his eyes.

“Sweetheart,” Javi addresses you, keeping his eyes on the stranger. “This is Steve, my partner at work.”

He doesn’t talk about work much, but from what he’s told you about his partner, your understanding is that they get along pretty well. So you don’t quite understand the surge of hostility between the two of them right now.

You smile nonetheless, standing and reaching your hand out to him. You state your name. “It’s nice to meet you.”

He nods as he shakes your hand, giving you a tight smile in return. His expression is almost hard to read. He nods to the woman next to you. “That’s my wife, Connie.”

You turn to shake her hand as well, and you can tell you’ll immediately like her. She gives you a bright smile as well, telling you it’s nice to meet you. She seems very nice, but also like she wouldn’t be afraid to speak up for herself. You find yourself hoping that you’ll be able to see her again. Maybe be friends.

“We were just leaving,” Javi says from where he watches the two of you. Steve has taken a step back now, and is also watching you both with his arms crossed, though he doesn’t look mad, exactly. More like he’s contemplating something.

You frown though, having thought that you still had a little while before you had to go back.

“But—”

He flashes you a warning look, and you quiet down. Maybe you misunderstood him and he doesn’t like his partner. Either way, if he wants to go back, it’s probably for a good reason and you shouldn’t fight it. You nod at him instead, smoothing out your dress.

“Well, it was nice to meet you,” you say to Steve and Connie as Javi comes to your side and takes your arm in his.

“You, too,” Connie says, and Steve nods, another small smile offered as Javi starts to lead you out. You don’t turn to watch them as you leave, instead keeping your eyes on Javi, who has his on the exit.

“What was that about?” you ask.

He glances at you with a softer gaze than you’ve seen all night. Again, you can’t place the look.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he assures you and kisses the side of your head. So you don’t.

When the two of you get home, Javi cracks open another beer and holds you on the couch until you both fall asleep watching TV.

*****

You for reading! Taglist is always open!

Series taglist: @corazondebeskar @yorksgirl @nerdieforpedro @axshadows @melaninmommy @survivingandenduring @kewwrites @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff @callachloe @missladym1981 @sofiparallel @koshkaj-blog @sheepdogchick3 @movievillainess721 @jessie8605 @casa-boiardi @justlulu @iamsherlocked-1998 @hjzghi-b @solarecI1spe

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kaicubus · 1 year

Note

wayne NSFW alphabet ?? :D

Wayne NSFW alphabet

template by @the-coldest-goodbye

warnings ✩° : nsfw, mentions of weed, mentions of physical violence towards others.

pairing ✩° : wayne mcculloch x fem!reader, characters are of age and not minors!!

authors note ✩° : the cold weather here has inhibited my ability to type fast so i’m sorRY IF THIS IS A LIL LATE and besides i have free time now,, working on posts!!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

After sex, Wayne is so so so clingy. He’ll press kisses on the side of your head and on the corners of your lips, hold your hand and rub his fingertips into the creases of your palms, and not leave you alone. If you get up, he gets up, if you go to get food, he goes to eat food. The only time he won’t follow you is if you go to the bathroom, because he respects your privacy...to an extent. He just wants to make sure you're ok after the time you spent together. Also if he ends up hurting you in any way ((stretching you out, accidentally biting you or marking too many hickeys on you)) he makes sure you're all recovered and cleaned first.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Wayne's favorite part of you has to be your hair. He loves pulling it and wrapping it around his knuckles and fingers, giving it a tight squeeze because he knows how sensitive you are there. Even when you two aren't being intimate, during school or going on dates, he'll give your hair a quick tug to either get your attention or tease you. He never pulls it hard to the point it hurts badly, just enough to get you roused.

Your favorite part of his are his hands. Not only are they thin and large, but they usually have cuts and bruises on his knuckles, which on any given day you'd be upset about, but there's something about having them securely gripping your thigh or holding your wrists above your head that makes you finish way quicker than normal.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

If you tell him not to get messy, he can’t help but do the opposite. Generally, Wayne uses a condom just because it’s the safest, even if you’re on birth control.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Before you two got together, Wayne would imagine certain scenarios when you’d be talking to him and just imagine what it’d be like to kiss you, hold you, or have you under him. He never told you he would often daydream of you whenever he zoned out because he found it embarrassing and unnecessary.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Defintley not experienced at all, physically. This boy is so shy when it comes to anything more than making out, but he is a teenage boy so he’s not completely clueless. He’s also got Orlando, and his dad’s absurd amount of magazines hidden away.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Wayne LOVES your back for some reason. The image and feeling of him running his hands down your shoulders and lower back really turns him on, so really any position where he’s able to see or hold your back. Usually it’s where he’s on top, fucking you from behind so he can grab your hips and help fuck you on him. And it also gives him a good opportunity to grab your chest and hold your chin up while he’s fucking you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

To be honest...kind of, at first. Just to lighten the mood because he feels the need he has to. I mean, if you think he’s intimidating at any point in your relationship, it sticks in his brain even then. Wayne will say something awkward or do something stupid just to make everything less tense, even when it’s not. Sometimes his jokes are very stupid and very embarrassing so it makes everybody kind of cringe, but it’s ok because it’s cute.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Wayne doesn’t really see a need to shave or trim or anything, mostly because he doesn’t care but also because he hasn’t had a need to. But he cares a little more when you two get together.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Oh so intimate. He has a heart of pure gold, and there’s not a moment that goes by that he isn't holding your hand and making sure he’s not going too fast or too hard. Wayne will hug you half way through and if you’re overstimulated and making too much noise. He’s also super reassuring when it comes to unfamiliar positions or things he wants to try out, so he’s very heavy on praise and gentleness.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Wayne’s not an addict, because he doesn’t find jacking off as something worth his time. He still does it sometimes, but for the most part he just wants to see and do things with you—so there’s really no time for that.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Wayne isn’t a kinky guy, like I said before he’s not all that experienced so all he knows about kinks are the hard ones like BDSM and shit like that. But he’s not into that, he’s more vanilla than you’d expect. I’d say the farthest with kinks he’d go is overstimulation, but completely by accident—it just turns him on way more than he thought it would. It goes both ways, by the way.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In his house, anywhere really. There’s times where you’ve fucked in his bed, on his couch, against his front door, and even in his kitchen.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Usually, he’s the type to drag you around places, but when you do? He’s absolutely whipped. Like if you’re just walking somewhere and he’s following behind you and you get a little frustrated that he’s not keeping up and you have to hold his hand and drag him at your pace, Wayne loves that shit. He finds it so attractive but he can’t even explain why. He’ll even say how cute you are in the moment because it really is cute how you get mad over it.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Wayne definelty would not be into sadism. Masochism, sure, but to ever put a ill intended hand on you? Never.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

For your own sake and him wanting to make you happy, Wayne really enjoys giving you head and just eating you out. He can go on for long periods of time, not stopping when you beg him to ((but will stop when you use a safe word or he can tell it’s too much)) just fully immersed in your body.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

This boy would never go at a pace that would hurt you. Unless you like that. Because if it’s something you like and he’s not familiar with, he’s willing to try it out just to make you feel good. As for how he usually goes by his own standards, he wants to appreciate every little bit of you and spend time on each part, massaging your thighs, rubbing your waist, biting your neck, kissing your chest. All that sweet stuff.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Maybe if you two are in a rush, and it’s absolutely necessary. But other than that, he’s not that into quickies. He’d much rather take it slow and appreciate your body and touch you gently.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

On days when Wayne hangs out with Orlando, which is something you’ve suggested before and he just does now, he’ll get recommendations on what to do with you from an arguably much more experienced source. Orlando will question him, asking if he’s tried this or that with you, and if he says no, then Orlando will say that he has to try it. Despite who he is, he’s very weary of taking risks with you, he just doesn’t want to fuck anything up.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Ok, on a usual basis, Wayne can go for like…maybe 2 rounds before he’s satisfied. But if something pisses him off or he’s angry before hand, he’s able to last for as long as 5. Then again, it depends on if he’s going slow or not because that usually determines how sensitive he ends up becoming.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No, none really. Maybe like a pair of hand cuffs just because he’s definitely been arrested before or pick pocketed them from a cop, but they’re more just for show since he doesn’t have the key to unlock them. But if you’re into toys, he’ll try and do some looking around and maybe buy one.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Honestly, Wayne’s kind of fair. He just loves you so much that he can’t bear to have you angry at him, even in a joking way. He only teases you sometimes, like tugging your hair or kissing you in sensitive places.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

If Wayne doesn’t make a sound when he’s beating someone’s teeth in, he won’t be very loud in bed. Since he’s used to suppressing his sounds, it’ll take a while before he drops his guard and is able to make noises. The noises he does make though are just breathless curses and half winded grunts.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He’s tried weed once, but when he was on it he was super horny and thought about you the whole time, despite being right next to him. So when he’s high or under the influence he’s just very touchy and turned on by everything you do.

Also there’s times during sex when he’s fucking you and talking to you in a low voice and his accent comes out, saying calm yet dirty phrases in your ear and asking you questions all with his boston accent.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

6.2 inches. ERM.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He’s never been too fond of sex or sexual intimacy before he met you, so it’s a difficult change to get used to when he finds himself wanting to do these things. Wayne’s not like a sex addict either, so his sex drive is pretty average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex usually doesn’t wear him out, for him it’s the fact that you’re usually worn out and sleeping on him that makes him drowsy. He’s usually just quiet after sex, mindlessly rubbing the side of your body and kissing your head gently and making sure you’re ok. You guys usually cuddle after sex so when it looks like you’re on the verge or falling asleep, that’s when he clocks out.

Wayne also likes being as close as possible to you at all times, so he’s got his arms wrapped around you, his fingers tangled in your hair, legs snaked around your hips and waist. Bonus : he likes it when you wear his clothes before, during, and even after sex.

#kaicubus #wayne #wayne series #wayne mccullough #wayne x reader #wayne headcanons #alphabet #headcanons #wayne amazon #wayne mccullough x reader #wayne mccullough imagine

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mylovelies-docx · 9 months

Text

Sorry, I Love You - Part 9

Oh wow, a new chapter? Who'd have thunk it.

My posting schedule is all off and I honestly don't know if I can get it back under control. I have no idea when I'll get time to sit down and write and when inspiration will strike, so I can't assure weekly updates. But I'll try my hardest to get this story out! I have future chapters written, it's just that I have no way of connecting them right now :/ Oops.

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Ah shit, here we go again. Angst, arguments, jealousy

Word Count: 2,250

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7][Part 8]

Some moments are easier than others. Sometimes you feel like you’re not pining like a love-sick teenager enough to think that you can actually do this – you can actually be friends with the man you love.

But then there are moments like tonight.

A few weeks have passed since community get-together, and you and Bucky are the new kids in town. Everyone drops by to say hello, leave you with enough food to last the winter, and invite you both back to their homes for dinner. It’s all very sweet, and you would appreciate the hospitality in any other situation.

But the amount of mothers trying to marry their daughters off to Bucky is insane.

Several have not-so-subtley seated Bucky next to daughters of marriageable age, while everyone else is silently discouraged from interrupting their conversations. It skeezes you out when the girls are barely out of their teens, but most of the girls are around your age or older. Morality-wise, that’s a whole lot more appropriate. Internal monologue-wise, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh doesn’t even begin to cover it. What you feel whenever he laughs at something they say, or looks at them with his intense blue eyes – it hurts. That’s how he used to look at you, once upon a time. Like his life wouldn’t be the same without you in it, like you’re one of the most important people in his world.

To be fair to Bucky, you probably read waaaay more into it than he ever meant. And you only ever really saw that look come out when you were straddling his waist and grinding hard on his cock, skin mottled with his teeth marks and wearing his metal hand as a necklace.

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Anyway,

You’re usually placed next to older, widowed relatives, as most of the young men in the town have already settled down and popped out a few kids with their spouses except for Petre. Tessa foists the two of you together at every possible opportunity, hoping you’ll hit it off and decide to get married in the near future.

Petre is nice, smart, cute, but not really your type. You’re convinced that you’ve only ever had one type and he’s off-limits. But Petre’s company is much more enjoyable than the sad, lonely older men they try to pair you with – it never feels great to be compared to someone’s long lost love – so you don’t mind having someone around your age to talk during these things.

Speaking of.

“It’s a nice night, yeah?” Petre comments. The night is warmer than expected, but you and Petre are still bundled up in your coats as you stroll through the dead copse of trees near the latest dinner party. The sun had set only minutes ago and the stars are making their presence known. There’s next to no light pollution in this area, so you always take the time to admire the night sky when you have the chance.

You often take walks with Bucky up and down your street as a way to decompress after your shifts at the HYDRA facility. After the first week or so of being everyone’s errand-runner, they’ve slowly built up your workload to include calculations and deductions based on redacted data – it’s not as much information as you’d like, but it’s enough to build a foundational understanding of what the experiment was about.

You hum in agreement and continue walking. It’s about time to turn around and head back, but you can’t bring yourself to return only to watch Bucky flirt with the pretty girls that were also invited.

“Is something the matter?” Petre asks you.

You startle out of your petty, jealous thoughts. “Hm? Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong,” you reply with a smile.

“It’s just that you seem very distracted tonight,” he responds.

With your hands in your pocket, the only thing you can do is shrug your shoulders. “Just tired, is all. It’s been a long week at the office.”

“Ah, I know the feeling,” Petre commiserates.

All of the sudden, a wailing, piercing shriek ricochets between the tree trunks and reverberates in your ears. Tensing with adrenaline, you take two steps forward, ready to intervene in whatever events are unfolding in the darkness.

Before you get much further, Petre reaches out and takes hold of your elbow. Turning you around, he starts leading the way back. You try to tug your arm from his grip, but he holds firm.

“The cry of a vixen who is looking to mate. They’re rather vicious creatures this time of year, foxes. We don’t want to get in her way,” Petre deters.

“But…” you begin, looking back over your shoulders and watching for unexpected movement among the swaying branches. “It sounds so real.”

“Terrifying, really. I was just as concerned when they began, as well.” Petre gives you a tight smile and relaxes his grip slightly when you stop trying to pull away.

“What do you mean?” you question.

“What?” Petre’s eyes flash around quickly, looking through the woods that surround you.

“‘When they began’. What do you mean by that?”

“Ah,” Petre replies. “When mating season began.”

There’s no more discussion on the eerily accurate sound of a woman in distress. You can only trust that Petre would know the local fauna and their habits better than you, since you’ve never spent an extended period of time in areas such as this.

***

The neighbor’s house finally comes into view. A lone figure stands silhouetted against the porch as they lean against the railings, their arms braced against the banister and posture rigid. When you get closer, you realize that the figure is Bucky.

You can’t see his face, but you can feel his eyes on you. And apparently Petre can as well.

“He doesn’t like me?” Petre asks.

“Why do you say that?” The question puzzles you because Bucky has no reason to dislike Petre. He’s been incredibly helpful so far, allowing you to ask as many questions as you want about himself and others and he doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. In fact, you feel as if you and Petre have become friends.

“It just seems like he’s never happy to see me.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that – James just has RBF,” you reply nonchalantly.

“RBF?” Petre replies.

You laugh as you and Petre climb the stairs, only now realizing that he still has a hand on your arm. You’d forgotten all about it, but you miss the slight warmth that permeated through your jacket when he removes his touch. You turn to look at him, but Petre is looking away, his hands now deep in his pockets. Turning your focus onto Bucky, you see him watching Petre, his eyes squinted.

A large smile returns to your face as you reach up and grab Bucky’s chin, squishing his cheeks and making his lips pucker from the pressure. “This –” you say triumphantly, “is an RBF.”

Bucky glares down at you and swats your hand away. You cackle at the perfect example of Resting Bitch Face™ in front of you, throwing your head back in joy. When you right your posture again, you can see a small smile on Bucky’s face as he laughs along with you.

“Whatever,” he murmurs. He shakes his head in exasperation before circling his arm around your shoulders. Bucky begins dragging you back down the steps you had just ascended and you grunt in protest. “It’s time to go,” he says simply.

“Ugh, you’re so rude,” you say to him. Craning your neck as much as possible, you look back towards Petre who remains on the porch. “I’ll see you later!” you call backwards with a wave. Petre raises a hand in return, face hidden in shadow as Bucky’s had been.

Focusing back on the road in front of you, you can practically feel what little mirth Bucky had drains away. Looking up, you notice that his jaw is clenched and a hard look has entered his eye.

“What’s wrong?” Now you’re worried that something happened to Bucky while you were gone that has put him in a bad mood. Did someone say something to him? Did one of the women reject his advances? You can’t see who in their right mind would turn him down, but not everyone feels the same way about him as you do. But if it’s the latter, the guilt you feel only slightly outweighs the relief.

“You don’t think you’re spendin’ too much time with him?” Bucky says between clenched teeth.

A frown appears between your eyebrows as you continue to look up at him. “No?” you respond. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Ofcoursehedoesn’t,” Bucky mutters under his breath, but you can still hear him.

You slide out from under Bucky’s hold, his agitation sparking flames of your own. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t think you’re leadin’ him on a bit, Y/N?” Bucky asks you.

You scoff. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re always hangin’ around him!” Bucky quips back. “You’re flirting with him and walking out of parties together. All these people, Petre included, are going to think you’re pitching for an engagement.”

The hurt and pitiful feelings from earlier tonight come flooding back. Only this time, instead of feeling them for what they are, you combine them with the anger his comment brings. How dare he accuse you of leading Petre on? As if he isn’t doing the same thing to all those girls?!

“And what about you?!” you yell, the last word ripping its way between your lips and setting your tongue ablaze. “You don’t think you’re stringing all these girls along behind you? You don’t have any intention of getting into a relationship with any of them, either, do you?”

As the words escape, you remember how Bucky sat you down and asked for a friends-with-benefits situation. Said he wasn’t ready for a real relationship, but tired of one night stands. How the two of you could help each other out since you weren’t seeing anyone either. The old resentment towards yourself and how you let yourself fall for someone wholly unavailable whiplashes back into your mind after months of repressing it.

If he could ask that of you, does that mean he’s asked someone else? You usually arrive home later than him, but on some occasions that you are released early, he’s not there. Instead of asking where he’s been, you had just let it slide since it could have been construed as possessiveness. Like your feelings – that Bucky believes to be long gone – entitle you to his life. You hadn’t wanted to risk anything at the time, but now your mind can’t help running wild at the possibilities.

“It’s not like I’m screwing his brains out every time we’re gone!” You shout at Bucky. You had been walking down the road away from the house party which was on a street with few homes, so there’s nobody around to hear your fight. “We’re not in the bathrooms having quickies, he’s not fucking me against a wall, or bending me over his motorcycle! He hasn’t proposed we fuck around with each other until someone better comes along!”

Your chest heaves with the effort of expelling these vicious words from deep within your heart, and you can feel a burning beginning to creep behind your eyes. You hate getting angry – hate that any strong emotion makes your eyes well with tears and makes you look weak. And in this situation, you are weak – weak against Bucky, weak against yourself, weak against the knowledge that the one man you’ve ever loved never felt the same way and never will. Your inability to keep yourself from falling for someone you knew you could never have? Your jealousy that he is probably sleeping with one or more of the women in town? That makes you weak.

And you can’t stand to be weak in front of Bucky again.

“Newsflash, Buck: I know how it feels to be lead on by you and it fucking sucks!” You lower your voice slightly and take another step away from him. “I know that wasn’t your intention, and I didn’t feel that way at first, but that’s how I feel now.”

“You were my best friend, Y/N – I didn’t want to lose that!” Bucky exclaims. “And I genuinely thought we were on the same page!” He takes a deep breath and clasps his hands over his eyes before saying, “And seeing you run off with Petre all the time just reminds me of us – how we’d always sneak away to get some time alone. It’s just –” He drops his hands and sighs heavily, looking up at the star-studded sky and then back down to you. “I’m jealous.”

“You’re jealous?” You ask incredulously. “Why?”

“Because –” You can tell that he’s struggling to get this out, and if he hadn’t started this argument and accused you of wronging Petre, you might have been more receptive to what he’s saying. More understanding. But right now, your anger swallows all empathy and hope that his words would usually supply. “Because that could have been us,” he breathes. Bucky takes a tentative step in your direction, but freezes solid at the icy glare you send his way.

“No,” you say flatly, “No, it couldn’t have. You made that abundantly clear when I asked.”

You turn your back on him and start running, ignoring the sound of your name as you leave Bucky behind.

Part 10

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewifeife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshinee @happinessinthebeingg @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #sorry i love you

376 notes · View notes

elleloquently · 1 year

Text

invisible string [7] : ellie williams

part six

| college!ellie x female!reader - after suffering several rewrites, part seven is finally here! a huge thank you to everyone who has been so patient and supportive <3 also, i know it's typical to post the tag list at the top but there were quite a few people so it's at the bottom instead, sorry abt that! this part is a lil different so im kinda nervous hahahaha

| c/w - anxiety

your body carried you down the familiar path to class, but your mind felt absent.

you got there early, habit, but paced around in the cold until the very last minute. you knew ellie would be there, her habit - apparently, sitting and waiting in the seat next to yours and you felt unable to face her.

either you didn't truly know why you felt that way, or you were clinging onto the last dwindling thread of delusion that your mind allowed.

you liked ellie. you really liked ellie. and ellie... 'liked' you... too?

the minutes ticked by quicker than you could gather your thoughts and you made a break for the classroom, your fingers turned red from clutching onto your cold drink so tightly.

you were preoccupied and you had hardly even drank any of it. you frowned at your useless purchase. the ice was melting and the sight looked off-putting, but your stomach was hurting too much anyway to try and make it worthwhile with one last sip.

your idea to throw it away upon entering the classroom was short lived, as the professor was standing in the front of the room and you didn't want to cross the front to throw away your practically full beverage.

it sloshed in the cup and you winced, imagining your own stomach as it twisted.

ellie glanced up as you came around to your seat and the crease on her forehead disappeared immediately as her eyes landed on you. the idea of keeping a secret made you feel dirty, but you weren't sure if you were even actually keeping one.

"was worried you weren't coming or something," ellie muttered, glancing over as you claimed your spot next to her.

you smiled but didn't meet her eyes. the feeling of your heartbeat pounding in your ears was overwhelming.

"are you okay?" ellie asked, her voice a low whisper as she studied your expression.

you tried to focus instead on your notebook and laptop. you didn't want to be rude and you definitely found it difficult to resist ellie when she was staring at you like that, but you needed to clear your head. the idea of clearing your head sounded ridiculous though, and you thought maybe you hadn't had a clear head since the first day that ellie decided to speak to you in class.

ellie tapped her pen on your desk and you jumped, realizing too many seconds had gone by and you still didn't answer her question.

"i'm good. just stressed, i think," you responded, not totally lying but not completely telling the truth, either.

you hoped your answer was enough to hold ellie over at least until class was finished, your professor seemed grumpy lately and you didn't want to subject yourself to an in-class call out.

ellie sighed and sank down in her chair, physically pulling away from you. your heart ached while you watched, suddenly wanting to tell her everything. a frown was etched onto her lips and you wanted to swipe it away.

throughout class, you spent more time watching ellie take notes than taking notes of your own. halfway through it seemed as though ellie gave up too, because she started doodling over her written words. you glanced over often, not trying to be sneaky because you didn't particularly mind if ellie caught you. if she did catch you, she would only grin and carry on anyway.

the ice melted quicker in the warm classroom, the condensation relentless and a small pool was beginning to form around the bottom of your cup. you quickly wiped it away with your sleeve, face burning. the patheticness of the remaining drink was taunting, beads of water slipping and threatened to dampen the corner of your notes.

it felt like a token of your anxiety, the way you couldn't stop it.

ellie had been watching but you didn't notice, until a very pointed "dude" left her mouth. you turned to face her, pausing the action of wiping off the cup with your sleeve over your hand,

"are you done with that?" ellie asked, to which you nodded weakly.

"you don't want it anymore?" she rephrased, wanting to be sure with confirmation.

"i do not want it," you whispered back, setting your eyes on the drink that's caused you too much trouble in such a short amount of time. you glared at it and ellie raised an eyebrow, trying not to smile. she reached her arm out, and it took you just a moment to understand what she wanted.

you handed ellie the cup, not really seeing the appeal in the drink anymore but decided there was no harm if ellie wanted it. instead, she surprised you by standing up from her chair, drink in hand. she swiftly and quietly moved to the front of the room, throwing it away and returning to her spot without a word.

oh. problem solved.

the evidence from your moment with dina and jesse, gone.

ellie didn't give it a second thought, but you replayed it in your mind over and over until the lecture was finished.

“so, should we hit the dining hall or do you wanna just go back to my dorm?”

ellie posed the question with such a casual confidence that it caught you off guard, the pen you were putting away nearly slipping through your fingers.

“oh,” you winced, and immediately knew how bad your reaction was.

“oh,” ellie copied with a dry laugh. “it’s okay, we don’t have to do anything.”

“no,” you quickly rushed out, not wanting to make her feel bad but you did have another class. “it’s just, homework.” you tried to explain.

“it’s okay,” ellie repeated, fidgeting with her hands.

“i’m sorry…” you smiled sadly, unsure if you should hold eye contact or keep packing up. ellie looked away, straightening her shoulders as she hoisted up her bag. you copied her action, guilt filling up inside of you.

you felt conflicted but were left with no choice, unable to soothe your guilty conscious.

ellie quickly recovered however, and an easy smile graced her lips as she bid you a goodbye.

“okay, I guess i’ll go back to my room alone,” she complained, giving you a pointed look.

you pushed out a laugh, amused by ellie’s tone but you felt defeated.

"i'd come with you if i could," you said honestly.

ellie dropped her exaggerated expression and met your eyes. "i know," she said.

your heart jumped and you had to leave, before weeks worth of confessions left the tip of your tongue. "text me, okay?" you said, trying really hard to force your voice not to wobble.

"always," ellie replied, raising her hand to wave bye as you finally parted ways.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you didn’t mean to ignore ellie.

with finals only a week away, it wasn't exactly easy to find agreeable times to hang out, no matter how badly you wanted it.

you had felt bad, regretfully declining when ellie asked you to hang out after your shared class. the burden of homework was holding you tightly in its grasp... though you would've had no problem doing homework with ellie.

you did have homework. it was just after your class. the class that ellie had no idea of you having, since you had originally told her that you were free that hour simply because you wanted to have lunch with her. you certainly didn't regret that day, but you felt a little awkward about the idea of finally coming clean now.

so, you told ellie that you had too much homework, and tried to ignore the dejected face that ellie failed to mask at your response.

you hadn't told her about your run in with her friends, either. if dina and jesse wanted ellie to know that you had run into them, they could tell her. you hardly knew them, anyway. the idea of making them a conversation topic felt strange.

that was monday, when you completely blew off ellie except not really because you seriously had a class so you aren't sure why you feel as though you've transformed into a total liar.

you had texted since then, just a little, unable to sense the difference between friendly friend texts and friendly flirty texts.

someone that ellie likes.

someone that ellie likes likes likes someone that ellie likes ellie likes-

you reached for your phone on your bed, forcibly silencing your inner monologue.

hey, are you still free to hang out today?|

you stared blankly down at your screen before rapidly deleting the drafted text, letter by letter.

hey ): i don't think i'm gonna be free to hang out today|

you squinted at the screen until the words looked fuzzy. when you opened your eyes normally again, the text didn't look any more appealing. you huffed and deleted that one too, tossing your phone as far away as you could without dropping it off of the end of your bed.

you had said no to ellie last. she was probably waiting on you to make the next move... how would she feel if you just... didn't?

unless she was totally normal, going about her day and being busy and most definitely not waiting to hear from you.

someone that ellie likes.

yeah, that's... normal. right? right?

you decided that maybe you needed to study a little harder in your psychology class, because you couldn't decipher whether or not it was a logical thing to get caught up on or if you were just going totally crazy. running yourself delusional? likely.

being around ellie and pining after her felt much more appealing when there wasn't a possibility that she could like you back.

you desperately wished to backtrack but yet, there wasn't really much that changed, was there? just one silly little sentence... one that you were probably misinterpreting anyway.

the thought kept you busy on tuesday, though for once you were able to throw yourself into your studies as a distraction instead of being distracted away from your studies. you didn't reach out to ellie, and no new messages came. you didn't hang out that day.

wednesday was your last actual day of class, the last class before finals began.

it quickly dawned on you that it was your last guaranteed time to see ellie. the idea of not being able to sit next to her in class anymore was all that you needed to adjust your priorities for the time being.

you were determined to be in a good mood, determined to make the most of your 'last' but not really last day with ellie.

while getting ready, you were very much aware of the anxiety picking away at your brain, posing you a million questions that you didn't have the answer to. you compensated by carefully picking out an outfit, taking extra time to prepare for the day to make sure you felt as good as possible. all the while, an aggravating dark cloud loomed above you despite your rejection of it. you smoothed down your top in the mirror, ignoring the way that your hands were shaking.

it seems to be a case where every time you are specifically set on having a good day, you end up having one of your worst days.

by the time you left for class, your stomach was hurting. it wasn't a new sensation, the way the uneasiness built up and felt as though it was pricking away at your insides... but it wasn't on par with your idea of a good day.

the wind felt overstimulating and perhaps your last straw was when you were walking behind someone to get into the building, and you know for a fact that they saw you because you made eye contact, but they didn't hold the door open for you and it nearly slammed in your face.

you felt like a laughable character, the way that tears welled up in your eyes as defeat swallowed your previous optimistic determination.

face hot and rapidly blinking, maybe your final final straw was ellie, who was already sat and almost immediately raised her eyes to look as you entered the classroom.

"no melty drink today?" she questioned teasingly, though dropped her tone as concern washed over her once realizing your state.

"what's wrong?" she quickly replaced, leaning into you so her voice could be hushed.

you could've laughed at her question and you nearly did, because sincerely, what was even wrong? you couldn't think of one valid explanation on the spot, and the real reason was enough to bring back the tears that you had desperately wiped away outside of the door.

but it was ellie, so you spoke anyway.

"just wanted to have a good day," you admitted, instantly hating how pathetic your voice sounded.

"and it's not a good day?"

you shook your head, finding yourself wanting to confide in her about everything. you should've hung out with her yesterday.

"wanna come over after class? talk about it? make it better?"

ellie presented the offer so casually, so immediately that it almost made you feel worse. you wanted to say yes.

"i can't," you forced, and ellie's eyebrows knitted together.

"that's okay," ellie said, but it came out a little too quickly.

you didn't want it to be okay. you wanted her to be annoyed or upset that you hadn't been hanging out with her and the worst part was that it seemed like she did feel that way, maybe deep down, but she wasn't openly expressing it whatsoever.

you frowned and it was difficult to find any mental footing with rational thought. you were not entitled to her greater emotions simply because she liked you. as a friend.

"is it okay?" you questioned, a little too sharp and it was embarrassing.

"yes...?" ellie's eyes darted over your face in confusion.

"sorry," you breathed, forcing a reality check. "i just... feel bad."

"don't you always?" ellie retorted, and it wasn't supposed to hurt but it did.

"what?" you were taken aback and ellie focused elsewhere, no longer looking at you.

"nothing. you just... you say you feel bad when we hang out but now you're saying you feel bad if we don't."

her response made you furrow your eyebrows but you really wanted to crawl in-word, not realizing how strongly ellie had picked up on your habit of feeling.

"yeah, 'cause i-" you started, but ellie shook her head.

"it's fine. you don't have to make up an excuse or... really. don't feel bad."

it's not that easy.

ellie smiled but you wished that she didn't because it was obvious that it was forced. the reaction made you wonder if there was something going on with ellie too, or if you were just actually bothering her.

you opened your mouth to speak but your professor initiated the start of class, review questions instantly rolling in. ellie sat hunched over her notebook, which sparked an idea.

you leaned over and began rummaging through your bag until you felt a small pad of paper in your grasp. you stole ellie's pen from her desk and she watched but pretended not to care.

on a blue sticky note, you drew something simple. a little doodle of a planet like you had done before, and a couple of stars. you felt silly and a little bit stupid but you pressed the post it onto ellie's desk, along with her pen.

you could see ellie contemplate whether or not she should show that she noticed it, and you had to press the back of your hand to your mouth so that you didn't release a laugh. you didn't watch her and decided to instead focus on your review, giving ellie 'space' to decide what she wanted to do.

a few minutes ticked away until the little blue square and pen reappeared on your desk. ellie's addition included her own planet, and a few stars mixed in with yours. you felt better, more capable, and raised your eyes to look at her.

ellie didn't have the time to pretend like she wasn't watching you. your lips slipped into a smile that ellie matched, leaving you to feel okay enough to focus on the review without worrying.

at the dismissal of class, you felt strangely sentimental. you packed up quickly so you could leave at the same time as ellie but she was hesitating at her desk, waiting for you.

"can i keep it?" she asked, glancing to the sticky note that you held delicately in your hand. it was sweet and you automatically handed it over, wondering if she was going to put that one on her wall too. you hoped that she would.

"are you going back to your room?" you questioned softly. ellie held the door open for you as you left the classroom.

"yeah," she answered with a heavy sigh.

you had a bit of time before your next class, about an hour to try and turn your situation around.

"ellie?" you started, walking shoulder to shoulder throughout the hallway. she looked at you in concern, eyebrows drawing together in anticipation.

"i wasn't making up excuses. i do feel bad if i can't hang out because... because i do like hanging out, so-"

"it's alright," ellie interrupted, though her voice was softer than before.

you nodded and carefully continued on. "i don't mean to always feel bad, i swear. it just... happens. and then i feel bad for feeling bad and it's just so...ridiculous. do i sound ridiculous?" you conclude with a frustrated laugh.

"maybe a little," ellie contemplated, but you could tell that she was teasing again by the way that she moved her head, as if she's mentally debating with herself. "but i get it. seriously, you're fine. i like hanging out with you too so you don't... have to worry."

she tentatively reassured you and joked instead of outwardly apologizing, and you wondered where she got that from. you're grateful anyway and relieved, but roll your eyes playfully at her sincerity. inward, your stomach is doing flips.

like like like.

that word is being used entirely too much lately.

"i ran into your friends the other day," you mention, hoping that it sounded casually enough. "dina and jesse?"

"oh yeah?" ellie laughs, but her hand fidgets with her sleeve.

"they seem really nice... it's lucky, to have friends like that, you know?"

ellie nodded, smiling knowingly. it felt like a safe topic, so you continued on.

"i didn't know if they mentioned it... i'm sure they were just being polite but they invited me to lunch. it was just nice of them to offer anyway... said it was nice to meet someone that you liked, they're friendly. i just hope i didn't seem completely rude, i was sort of running late so i couldn't talk long but... how long have you guys known each other?"

your cheeks grew warm as you rambled so you stopped yourself, looking to ellie instead. the smile had left her face and she stared straight ahead. she looked pale, a white cast replacing the usual pink warmth on her cheeks.

"i'm sorry," you quickly rushed, not knowing what you were apologizing for.

"don't be," ellie stated, but her words were short.

"did i say something...?"

ellie blinked and faced you. "no, you didn't say anything."

you breathed a sigh of relief, but still didn't want to toe a cautious line. it was too much, too quickly, and you weren't good at making things sound casual like ellie usually seemed to be.

"is that all they said?" ellie questioned, and you quickly nodded.

"yeah. yeah, it was short. i had class. it was on monday morning," you clarify.

"oh," ellie realized, as if she had managed to find a missing puzzle piece. "did they say something?" she rephrased, coughing out a laugh.

"it was super quick," you reiterated, but your heart was racing.

"okay. i just thought maybe... you seemed weird on monday. maybe they said something stupid," ellie said, but you could tell she was still thinking it over. maybe that was your sign, really the only clue you needed after all. ellie actually looked stressed though, and you wished that you hadn't brought it up at all.

"weird?" you tried to sound surprised, but you knew exactly what she was referring to and why you had been that way. "not weird... just stressed. i have so much to do, i know you do too," you tried, attempting to smooth over the awkwardness.

"was it because i just assumed we were going to hang out?" ellie mumbled, sounding accusatory yet upset with only herself.

"ellie, no." your palms were beginning to feel too warm but you wrapped them into your sleeves anyway. "i like hanging out with you."

like like like!

you continued, grasping for straws and desperately wishing that dina had never called your name. "i've sorta been spending more time with you than my homework," you laughed carefully. "i like it, don't get me wrong. i just had... you know, school."

ellie nodded but she wasn't listening, not really.

“i didn’t mean to freak you out,” ellie said, her tone slightly defensive.

your jaw dropped in surprise and you felt as though your head was spinning. "what?" you asked, genuinely confused. you weren't sure exactly what illiciated the response, either you actually blindly said something stupid or you were blindly unaware of ellie's feelings.

the conversation was going nowhere, quickly. you were speaking but not listening, both absorbed in your own feelings to the point of ignorance.

"ellie, we're fine," and despite the circumstance you selfishly loved the excuse to let her name roll off of your tongue. you halted to a stop as the hallway came to an end, not truly ready to part ways.

ellie stood still for a moment and you wondered if she was gathering her thoughts until she finally spoke again. "of course we're fine," she concluded. she didn't meet your eyes and you deflated for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"hey," you started again, another failed attempt to fix the conversation.

"it's okay," ellie breezed past you. "i know you're busy, i'll see you later, alright?"

she didn't give you a second to respond before she was out of the doors and out of the building. you were left standing there, mouth agape and head reeling.

there was too much to confuse, too much to get wrong and you found it difficult to differentiate a good start from a bad end.

you wouldn't get to just see her next class, and it felt like your last opportunity had truly been your last opportunity.

you went to your next class but you weren't really present, not with ellie on your mind and every wrong step that had been taken. it hadn't even been a full confession and it went wrong. maybe you had gotten it all wrong, or maybe you were both dancing around your own feelings, destined to screw it all up.

[ part eight ]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams college au #ellie tlou x reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie tlou x female reader

455 notes · View notes

soraviie · 1 year

Text

they told you to go and you did.txt

━ type: bts x gn! reader ━ navigation

━ about: heavy angst ━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ c/w: mention of mental illness, implied emotional cheating, falling out of love, smoking

━ previously posted on soraviii

NAMJOON: If you'd still talk, you'd ask him if "disappointment" is the right word. It's not pain. It's actually hard to describe what is this familiar pang, the stab that almost feels like a bruise made yesterday. It's not pain. It's the sad realization in your heart of hearts that this would happen eventually. It's a disappointment because once, just this once you allowed yourself to believe it'd be different. And you were wrong. Or rather you were right all along. He's just like that and you're you and the rest is a story that writes itself.

Picking yourself up is hard work, hence perhaps why they call it falling for someone. Falling is not a threat, people fall all day long but a fall from the last step of stairs no matter how scary is not lethal but falling in love, unlike a blunder through the dark, is getting up into a skyscraper and then placing all the trust that the other person will provide a mat big enough to cushion the fall. But he had pulled your safety net away. You'll rebuild yourself, from scratch if needed but some part of your trust in all people will forever be cracked. If a forever person becomes temporary...it's a bizarre, ungainly feeling that unevens your footing and makes for many, many quiet afternoons spend in the company of your lonesome, staring out through the windows and thinking was it always meant to end like this.

"You were supposed to be there," you breathed out, shaking. Out of anger, out of cold, who knows.

"And I said I'm sorry," he growls back, shoving the laying laundry into the washing machine.

"Sorry? "Sorry" is not going to cut it! For weeks - weeks! - I've asked you, I begged you to be there! It was one of the most important events in my life!"

"What do you want me to do here?" Namjoon asks, exasperated and the wrinkle between his eyebrows mars his features into someone...unrecognizable. A stranger almost. Since when have you had to beg to be heard?

"I don't know," you reply truthfully but slowly something in your gut begins to work. Why are you feeling like the villain? You shouldn't be.

You shouldn't be is the chief thought.

"Do you even care about me?"

"What?"

The look in his eyes...you know, you just know, he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand this profound feeling of being tired. Being proven right that, in the end, you will always have this - begging to be heard and understood and it's tiring. It's draining the soul right in front of his eyes, ones which do not see the obvious.

"Do you even care about me?"

He scoffs.

"Take a walk so you clear your head and don't ask stupid questions."

In hindsight, a very small part of you is grateful. The comment was cruel and cut like the end of a sharpened knife but it gave you a leeway. It gave you the thought that if you had to go, you didn't have to come back.

And it's like a bit of fresh air after that. Dizzying, confusing, the feeling of being lost in a way never leaving but you're finding your legs so to speak. You didn't owe him anything, there is no legal law that would force you to explain. You walked right out. A walk to never return, a walk to self re-discovery. You eat what you like, you go where you like and when you feel like dying because there your lover is not on the other side of the bed, you turn around and pretend he was never there.

He was after all rarely there, to begin with.

Right or wrong, who cares, you could just leave and while you're alone, at least you don't have to beg. At least, you understand even if it's yourself.

YOONGI: Lillies, as Yoongi finds out, are not long-lived flowers. They fall most often in clumps of petals. Not elegant and refined like those in drawings but dropping almost half of themselves in one swift move. In one second, losing nearly all they had, remaining then barren and partly lifeless. He didn't know enough about flowers to know when exactly are they pronounced dead. But he'll be here. He'll be here because he's done nothing else but watch them shed, clump by clump.

"I told you," he'd said with a smile of all things. A cold, mirthless smile but still. "I told you it'd be hard, that you wouldn't be able to handle it."

"That's...that's not it all," you deny and maybe you hadn't been lying. All he knows is that the fear had gripped him so hard he couldn't even breathe then.

"No, it is what it is," he'd cut back sharply, decisive, leaving no room to argue because if you'd argue you'd do the same magic you'd done when he first fell in love, he'd listen and do everything exactly how you want it. He didn't want to listen at that moment, he'd just wanted to be angry.

"Then go, just go. Go back 'cause I know you want to."

Tears rose on your waterline and suddenly he felt like a bad guy which in turn, of course, made him more vicious.

"You're being cruel," you breathed faintly. "You're just being cruel."

He scoffed harshly.

"I'm just being honest. Face it, you can't handle being with me," a pause. Critical hit. Cruelty for cruelty's sake. "You can't handle much at all."

And if he had even a little bit of a brain left he'd see the change. The exact moment where you fell out of love with him and it happened just then.

You took a step back, breathed in exactly once, calmly, sombre even.

"Okay," is all you said and unbeknownst to him, that would end up as the last thing you'd say to him. "Okay" is what could kill love - a supposedly unkillable thing.

The flowers are what he brought to ask for forgiveness which would not be granted. There was no next time, no do over, no apology. You'd been long gone when he wisened up to his own words and now he has a vase of old Lillies, wilting on his desk. He reaches to straighten one of the last petals but in its frailty, it just falls. It falls down, down, down and lands on his desk. He puts his hand away. The clock ticks away.

"Okay," he mutters to himself and then sinks into silence.

JIN: "They're my parents," he says for the thousandth time, driving half-blind through the dark.

"So what?!" you exclaimed. "They don't get to say all those things about my family. About me!"

"And I already told you, I warned you that they...they would be like that! They're old! Different."

"That's not being different! That's being a dick."

His eyes glinted and you flinched. You'd never fought with Jin before. Not like this certainly. But whenever you thought of forgiving him, it all came back even clearer. How he just stood there, silent, staring at his plate like a small boy would when they called you a gold digger, your family nothing but mud-trodden scammers. The spoilt rotten apple of the bad seeds. And your lover, your boyfriend, your one true fairytale prince had bowed his head in compliance.

"Careful," he growls, hands tightening around the wheel. "Mind your tongue."

He could slap you and it'd be less bitter.

"Did your mother mind your tongue?" you asked sharply, suddenly yanked harshly forth as he drove a foot through the brakes.

"I'll give you this one last opportunity," he spits and it awakens a heinous part of yourself. Or rather it extends. It extends from the scenery of not even an hour into the past, when you'd sat by the dining table listening to one hurled insult after the next. His father had been "the others", his mother and now he himself. It's him vs you. And that's...

...that's just not someone you could ever touch without shuddering in hate.

"One last chance to stop throwing a fuss. To stop disrespecting my family and myself."

"I can't disrespect it," you open your mouth, weirdly proud. It's cathartic to hate at times. "It would imply I've held any this evening."

His jaw makes an audible sound when it clamps shut. You'd hurt deep, you'd cut it where it hurts. Good, so had he.

"Get out," he hisses, clearly fighting hard to reign in his temper. "Get out of my car now!"

You do and afterwards, he speeds off, tires screeching against the cement road, fumes, in time, evaporating into the atmosphere. You touch the necklace, his gift, on your neck. Feels more like a chain now. You take it away, frown and allow yourself to think.

Gold diggers, scammers, evildoers and nothing but lowlier of the low they had said into your face. You remember your own mother's face, proud and happy, then tired after working long hours just to put food on the table. She'd be heartbroken about this, she'd cry.

And no one could ever make your mother cry. Guided by a sudden impulse you throw the necklace away and it glistens once under the streetlights.

Jin's car disappears over the horizon and despite lingering, you see no point in going after it. You could go home.

The thought fills you with comfort.

You could just go home.

Your mother picks up after one ring.

"Hey, I'm just letting you know, I'll sleep over, is that okay?"

Your mother's voice comes frazzled but she attempts to make it soothing. No, she should never meet those people. Those people who would hate her without a reason, who raised a son you fell in love with. Past tense.

"Of, course, it's okay," then, softly, cautious. "Did it go awry? What about your boyfriend?"

You glimpse over your shoulder. JIn is long gone. There's nothing but the dark so you turn and walk the opposite way.

"There's no boyfriend anymore," you reply, cooly but even so few, traitor tears rush into your eyes and it gets hard to breathe. "But I still got you."

"The porch lights will be on," after a moment she explains kindly and you nod. "I'll be waiting."

HOSEOK: "I just think...this will be the best of us."

That's really all you remember. At the time, the words fell distant like coming from another room. His damn present, a simple present you'd saved over the course of the summer was burning against your leg, distracting you, maybe saving you in a way. If you'd heard a flaw he had named as to why would you deserve to suddenly be broken up with, you didn't remember it. He'd been doing so well, being so good, practising and making history and you loved him so much you just wanted to make him smile. He'd been so stressed. So empty and removed. And when you heard his call, his tentative invitation to a restaurant you thought must be destiny, he must be thinking it too, you needed to be closer together. Reality... the reality was as always much different than you imagined in your head.

You'd sat politely, being really good, not quite listening due to the bracelet sitting in your pocket like a carcass, but you hadn't made a fuss. Should you have? Or did you do the right thing?

Whatever should or should not have happened will take place in the multiverse, in the infinitude of other more pleasant realities, this one was yours.

"You should cry," your friend suggests, with a frown of worry. But you can't hear her also. Flinging the pillows left and right, you try to find the damn thing. The receipt is nowhere. You couldn't have just flung it into the trash, right?

"Honestly, fuck this guy."

Right, fuck Hoseok. But when you remember him, you don't suddenly learn how to hate him. That was...that went against everything you knew.

"Just please go," he pleaded, you'd open your mouth to at least give him the bracelet. It was after all a present. Why had you been so hyper-focused about it? You can't remember that also.

"Just go. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

But what it did have to be? What did you do? Or not do? What was so wrong with you that he kicked you away?

"He left you for his career," your friend scoffed. Her pride was your pride and vice versa but at the moment you couldn't even appreciate her indignance. The receipt was gone. You did not have it. And as such the bracelet, his bracelet, the one you worked so had to buy for your own money, could not be ridden of.

"Plain and simple. You were distracting him, whatever that means. What a prick."

You had not thought the same then and you didn't think it now. Coming to a stand you wonder how long will it take to unlearn someone. Hoseok must have learned it quite quickly. He'd not even spared you a glimpse as you stood there, with the bracelet in hand, suddenly turned into a parting gift not one of gratitude. If he saw it, he hadn't cared. And so you went, as he asked, clutching the bracelet in your palm. Hoseok must be a quick learner, you reckoned, leaving the bracelet to lay on your nightstand table.

JIMIN: "Already back?" a neighbour, a smarmy twenty-something who thinks he's just the thing because he has a couple of tattoos on his arm, asks. You light up the cigarette already put between your lips and scoff in his direction.

"Yeah. Now quit hanging around in the stairway, you look like a predator," with that you enter your apartment. It's disgusting to smoke indoors, that you admit, but right now it was time to think and smoking for some reason made your head clearer. Navigating through the dark, you stumbled out into the balcony, breathing out a sigh of relief. Flicking the ash into the makeshift ashtray you thought and thought and thought.

"When?! When will you be ready?!" he'd practically screamed. You hated when people raised their voice and he knew that but he still did it. A fact you wouldn't forgive anyone but this was...Jimin and he'd been the exception for a long time. Longer than he should have.

"I don't know! When we got together, I told you I'd be difficult! I'm...ill!" recalling how your lip had wobbled, you sneered to yourself. One cigarette down but you bought a new pack so there was plenty.

"Stop using that as an excuse!" he'd snarled, fists curling out of anger. You had thought then that if he truly wanted to marry you, he'd stay true to his word to be understanding. Of understanding that your mind did not always work the same way most people were used to, it did things, often ones you couldn't grasp full control of, like fear, fearing everything and most of all being yelled at for this very same fear.

"It's not an excuse!" you shrieked. "It's the answer! When someone has a cold, do you reprimand them for coughing? Why is this illness any different?!"

You were objectively hard to love if mental illness was easy it wouldn't be an illness. You required work, work done by yourself and by your partner and you had told him that, you'd told him fair and square, come clean with all that you were and Jimin had promised to love you all the same. He was, it seems, a beautiful kind of liar.

"You won't ever be ready," he'd continued, a hard scowl warping his features. "You know why? Because you hate yourself so much you can't even wrap your head around the idea of not self-sabotaging yourself for once."

And it was the truth. Objectively speaking. But you didn't mind the truth. It could be harsh and unapologetic but you could swallow it down, just not cruelty. Anything but cruelty. Coming from the one man on earth you thought could not be cruel. See what you meant by beautiful? Beautiful, convincing, angel of a liar.

"And I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle your..." he raised his hands out of frustration, letting the fists rise to his own chest and shake there before it happened.

"You're just too much. So just go away because you're just too much for me."

Pushing the bud of the cigarette against the glass jar, you put out the last light on the balcony. It's dark now and you sit, arms crossed, still thinking. You know what to do, you'd done it plenty of times before but...you just thought, you assumed, had the delusion that..he'd be the one, you know. That he'd be...different. But the nature of liars is to lie, you suppose.

TAEHYUNG: It is sad and horrifying to realize that you're becoming one of those couples. Those couples that do not talk, that sit on the bed silently and sullenly, waiting for it to be over, couples who did not touch each other, who forgot each other's bodies, voices and minds. Those couples who you always looked on with pity, wondering to yourself why didn't they just break it off. What was the point?

But the point was that, of course, once upon a time you loved Taehyung and you think he loved you too. You almost saw him, the younger him, the one that charmed you with the promise of timeless romance only to let the very same time deteriorate it away. As you walked up to the cafe, you saw him there, laughing with a friend you did not know he had. They're both laughing in fact, clearly enjoying their time and you can't help but feel like a creep, like an onlooker peeking into the lives of a happy couple even if it's your boyfriend sitting there. He'd brought them flowers. You don't remember when was the last time he'd given your flowers. The promise was every Wednesday, the reality was sometimes after the first six months, anniversaries after two years, never after five.

He pulls the chair closer to the friend. You saw the other person's blush in the candlelight and then with even more horrifying realization, you grasp that you're the other person. The one brushed to the side when they're of no other use.

"Those are pretty flowers," you reckoned, mostly just to start a conversation. An ice breaker for a lover, strange isn't it?

"I guess," he offers a non-committal grunt.

"Should I meet you after work? We could go somewhere?" you almost sounded hopeful then. How naive.

"Don't bother," he says, not quite even looking at you, more so focused on the mirror to fix the tie the other other person was twirling between their fingers. "I'll be busy and late tonight. Just go home."

Standing on the street and passively watching your love slip away, you figure you'll do just that. You won't be one of those people, you thought, standing straighter and leaving the window side, you won't cry yourself to sleep, you won't find someone else's scent on his shirt, you won't have your heart any more broken. You'll just go home.

And Taehyung was not home anymore.

But it's okay, you tell yourself, stumbling unsteadily through the neon-lit streets, you'll find a new one. You'll be okay.

JUNGKOOK: You used to love his jokes, his confidence, his assuredness that you were meant to be. But after some time, you don't quite know when, it stopped being funny the way he brushed off your worries, always so assured that in the end, it'll work out. That no matter what you'll forgive him anything.

You stopped loving his jokes.

And you stopped loving his confidence.

And you stopped loving him.

You just wanted for him to listen but he was so smug, so assured that you wouldn't leave. You just wanted for him to listen just once.

But he never did.

"If I'm so horrible, then just leave," he tossed over his shoulder, tugging harshly on Bam's leash. "Just leave!"

But he did it first, slamming the door behind and dragging Bam with him.

Maybe it's selfish, really childish, quite unhealthy but in a way also victorious. You drag your clumsily arranged suitcase, stubborn. You miss him. But a him that's not even here. Can a person die while still living?

But even if it's selfish, childish and unhealthy, it becomes easier with the next step. You're just leaving, just going. You still miss him, you miss Bam and others, and all the funny toys on his shelves, and his kitchen towels and the laughter on Fridays and movies on Mondays but even more you miss yourself. The street is long and you wonder where you'll end up next, once upon a time, it brought you to Jungkook and now it'll take you away from him. You can find plenty of sadness about it but not enough regret to turn around. Whoever's fault it was, even if it truly was a fault, it doesn't matter now. It's over, it was good for a while and now it's over. You're free to go where you want and so is Jungkook and when enough time passes you know you'll wish him nothing but the best.

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weirdmarioenemies · 11 months

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You know, all this time I never realized that Bomberman had Enemies! I thought it was just all those Bombers Men blowing each other up for sport. And I love those Bombers Men, they are very cute, but wow! Enemies! I love those! Enemies are my friends. There have been sooo many enemies over the course of the franchise, but here I will be talking about the originals from the very beginning! For the sake of consistency, I will be using the artwork from Bomberman Party Edition, since that was sadly the most recent time they all got official art for the same game. Here they come! Some creatures!

BALLOM

Ballom is The Enemy. The first one! It is very simple. It is really just a balloon, sometimes with a string, sometimes not. Watch out for this one! Ever try to kill a balloon before? Don’t let the media fool you, you need a bomb to do it. Ballom actually appeared before all the others in the very first game, called Bomber Man, where it was the only enemy! This game was localized in Europe as... Eric and the Floaters. It sounds like a band name! A real Yoshi’s Island style localization choice. This is not a Bomberman game anymore. It’s an Eric game.

I do not think this is what balloons look like

ONIL

Already we have reached my favorite one! Onil is a blue onion sort of thing, and I am really just a sucker for creatures that are vegetables. It is so cute! It’s almost not recognizable as an onion most of the time, with its tip looking like a dollop of frosting rater than actual onion skin, but the original sprite does a pretty good job of communicating Onion. As you can see at the beginning of the post, its name was originally localized as O’Neal, which I think is very funny. That’s a Last Name right there! This onion was named like a Fortnite character!

DAHL

Dahl is a sort of barrel of a thing! Finally we reach a thing that would more reasonably require a bomb to destroy. Look at its little face though! I feel bad talking about destroying these things with bombs. I don’t have much to say about Dahl, it’s a barrel, though it is a very cute barrel. I can’t think of THAT many other cute barrels.

MINVO

Minvo is a little boring. I’m sorry. But it’s just a Face! Sometimes it is a very inoffensive-looking face, while sometimes it is showing a few teeth, but still just a Face. They don’t do anything all that interesting either. However!

In some 3D appearances, they are not a sphere, but instead shaped like a sandwich cookie! Maybe they have been cookies all along! They even have Filling!

OVAPE

Ovape is a funny one! Originally, it was basically a smiley Pac-Man ghost, which is cute and funny, but not very unique. When allowed more detail, though, it often looks more like an octopus, and not just any octopus, but a hot dog cut into an octopus shape!

You know? Yeah! I don’t know how intentional the resemblance is, but it is very cute and fun.

DORIA

I love Doria! It is some kind of Substance, or perhaps an amoeba, and I love a simple cute blob. It is often seen in this weirdly flat-looking shape, like it was spread on an invisible piece of bread! I would not eat it! Doria moves slowly, but it is slippery and smart, chasing Bomberman while avoiding bombs. Very impressive for a brainless (I assume) blob!

PASS

Here we have our Token Mammal! Pass is a tiger who forgot the rest of itself at home and hops around as a head lump. It almost feels like Minvo, but with an actual design! You’re lucky you became a cookie, Minvo. Pass is fast, like a real tiger, and is able to Pass right through certain solid blocks, which real tigers cannot do. Only snow leopards can.

PONTAN

Another face? Kind of! But not completely! Pontan is a COIN, so more interesting than just a face, and spins around flatly in its animations. They are the most dangerous of the original enemies, and their design does nothing to reflect this! That is funny. Like Pass, it passes through some blocks, but it also hunts you down! If Pontan finds you, you will learn that it can indeed be used as currency. One Pontan is enough to buy you one Death!

Some, but not all, of these enemies would have the privilege of appearing in a Mobile Match 3 Game with the release of Bomberman Chains, and boy! They look weird! All of them! Ballom looks like Chris Griffin. Onil looks like it just woke up at 3:26 AM to go to the bathroom. I cannot say I Like any of these designs here, which is a shame because I think they could have all looked especially cute in Doodle Aesthetic, like Bomberman himself does! But I am glad this happened, it’s funny.

These have been just a few of the many funny little creatures specifically designed to be obliterated by explosions. Thank you.

#bomberman #ballom #onil #dahl #minvo #ovape #doria #pass #pontan #not mario #funky friday #mod chikako

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hyperfixatedonthisnow · 10 months

Text

Nikolai Lanstov SFW Alphabet

*Not my GIF

Anonymous ask: the alphabet one, can you do a romantic SFW alphabet? Like how Nikolai would be in a relationship. If you have enough time (and you want to) can you also do the normal NSFW one as well? Like how Nikolai is as a physical lover?

Sorry for the wait anon, but here’s the SFW version. NSFW hopefully coming (pun fully intended 😉) in a day or two! This was my first time at one of these alphabet posts, I found the templates here on tumblr. It kind of goes without saying that these are just my head canons based on the books/Netflix show, and you are of course free to disagree with them😊

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) - Nikolai is very affectionate, particularly with close friends and lovers. He didn’t get a lot of affection growing up, so he craves it as an adult. He always keeps things appropriate in front of other people, just hand holding and causal touches, but when you’re alone he can’t keep his hands off you -

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) - Nikolai is a great friend, he’s warm and kind, and unfailingly loyal. He’s a bit of a joker, so his best friend needs to have a good sense of humour. Nikolai is willing to go to the ends of the earth to help his friends and would lay down his life for them without a second thought -

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) - Nikolai definitely likes to cuddle, especially in bed, and he’s happy to be the big or the little spoon depending on what his partner prefers -

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) - Nikolai wants to settle down eventually, he’s a bit of a wanderer but he longs for a family of his own. He’s always been neat and tidy, although growing up in the palace with servants meant he didn’t do much cooking or cleaning as a child, but years in the army/at sea mean he’s picked up at least some of the basics. He can probably make a meal out of very little, but whether it would be edible is up for debate -

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) - Nikolai hates goodbyes, he’d rather not break up with a partner and for that reason he’d probably put it off as long as possible. He struggles with feelings of not being “enough” and puts a lot of pressure on himself to be a perfect prince, so if he were to end things then I think it would likely come from a place of thinking his partner “deserves better”. Nikolai wouldn’t want to draw things out, but he is a talker, and he would want to say the “right” thing, so for a breakup he’d have a speech planned ahead of time.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) - Nikolai goes all in when it comes to commitment, and he’s no stranger to a hasty proposal. Once he’s found his one, he would see no reason to wait on getting married -

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) - Nikolai is more than capable of being gentle both physically and emotionally. He puts on a front to the world - the tough privateer and the charming prince - but underneath all that, he’s just a boy wanting to be loved. Once he lets down his walls, he’s all soft touches and sweet words -

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) - Nikolai is a big hugger. He’s not afraid to pull a friend in for a hug, either in greeting or as a way to offer comfort. He gives good hugs, the kind that make you feel warm and fuzzy -

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) - Nikolai wears his heart on his sleeve, as soon as he knows he’s in love with you he’d have no problem saying it out loud -

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) - Nikolai is a bit of a flirt himself so he’d be a total hypocrite if he got upset over his partner doing the same. That being said, he does get jealous occasionally - particularly if someone touches his partner in a less than casual way. He also won’t stand for anyone making his partner uncomfortable, so anyone pushing their luck will earn themselves a sharp word from him -

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) - Nikolai is a fantastic kisser. He likes to kiss you as often as possible, just a peck on the lips in public, and a lot more sensual in private. He likes when you press a kiss to his temple especially if it’s combined with your fingers running through his hair, usually when you’re cuddling together -

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) - Nikolai is great with kids. He’s patient and kind, and he has endless energy to chase them around. His fun sense of humour makes him a hit, especially with the little ones. He wants children of his own someday, and he’d be a loving and attentive father, giving his kids all the affection he himself never got as a child -

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) - He’s a busy man and an early riser, but on the rare morning he can sleep in he loves to cuddle with you and feed you breakfast in bed. Sometimes he wakes even earlier, just so he can admire your sleeping form in the light of the sunrise before he has to start his day -

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) - Nikolai has trouble sleeping, he has a lot on his mind. His favourite time to talk is late at night, when you’re cuddled up in bed together and the rest of the world is safely shut out -

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) - In some ways he’s an open book, but he also tends to spend a lot of his time trying to be whoever other people want him to be. He would be slow to really open up to you, but once he felt safe enough to actually drop the act and just be himself, he’d share everything with you -

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) - Nikolai is generally a patient guy, he’s a smart strategist and knows the value of waiting to get what he really wants. Sometimes he can be impulsive and act rashly, usually when it comes to people he loves being put in harm’s way -

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) - Nikolai pays attention to the tiny details and remembers them all. This is partly because of his people pleasing tendencies- the easiest way to be who people want you to be is to study them, work out what they like and then be that person - but it’s also because when he loves someone, he wants to know all of them. He wants to know everything about you, every little mundane detail is fascinating to him -

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?) - Nikolai’s favourite moment would be when you finally confessed your feeling for each other. It’s a moment he would hold onto in bad times, knowing that he loves you and you love him in return is such a big thing for him, he would never take that for granted -

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) - Nikolai is very protective of the people he loves, and he would never want you in danger. He would lay down his life to protect you or any of his friends. Words of affirmation make him feel safe and loved -

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) - Nikolai puts a lot of effort into dates, anniversaries etc. He’s a romantic at heart and very observant, so he’s a great gift giver too. Day to day, he’s very busy, but he’d still try his best to make you feel loved and appreciated -

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) - A bad habit of Nikolai’s is getting lost in his projects, whether that’s saving Ravka or his newest invention. Even when his current fixation is completed, he’s straight on to the next one. His mind is always working a mile a minute, and he finds it hard to switch off or rest –

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) - Nikolai looks good and he knows it too. He takes pride in his appearance and his clothes. It’s important to him that he look polished and put together, and it’s a kind of armour for him, an image he projects to the world -

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) - Nikolai loves with his entire being, and once he’s found his true love, he wouldn’t feel whole without them. If you absolutely had to be parted for any length of time, he would give you a token to hold on to and if you gave him something in return, he would treasure it until he could be reunited with you -

X = Xtra (A random head canon for them.) - Nikolai is great at card tricks. He saw a magician as a child and was obsessed with figuring out the secrets behind his tricks. Once he learned them, he practiced for hours until he perfected the performance -

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) - Nikolai has no time or patience for prejudice. He wants a united Ravka, where all its citizens can live happily and peacefully, and that includes Grisha. He values loyalty, and one thing he would not easily forgive from a partner is a betrayal -

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) - Nikolai is a bit of an insomniac because he lives such a stressful life, but when he does fall asleep, he’s generally dead to the world for a few hours. However, he does talk in his sleep and has been known to sleepwalk from time to time -

#nikolai lantsov #grishaverse #shadow and bone #nikolai lanstov x reader #i love him so much #sfw alphabet #headcanon #i wrote this #patrick gibson

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