#some of the themes i'm really excited to write about (like the fucked up eating themes in wwda? i LOVE and i'm so excited for)
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so i’ve maybe been avoiding looking at wwda cause i lost my atla hyperfixation and convinced myself it was a terrible fic but i just reread it and to all the readers who have complimented it, i mean the writings bad, but like i see what you mean, there’s like a real vision here? and like i still have a bunch of chapters largely pre-written (but also not enough to post cause they’re missing huge chunks since i write non-chronologically lol) but my next chapter is literally just missing one scene until i can post so i’m hopefully going to give y’all a chapter soon. literally 10 months after last time when it had taken me 355 days. so like i’m making no promises of speed cause clearly i am not a reliable poster. but even without my hyperfixation, i still love the themes i was trying to write and like. i’m gonna try to use some of my free time on it?
#wwda#i think my favorite part of my reread was finding minor plot holes because of me writing non-chronologically and not having enough memory#when i editted to have realized afhgfdhglkjfd#like i genuinely don't even care enough to go change it cause it's just like the wording of aang's backstory that's like 'oh they didn't#meet katara until gyatso adopted them' and then MULTIPLE other scenes refer to katara knowing them before gyatso adopted them lmao#some of the themes i'm really excited to write about (like the fucked up eating themes in wwda? i LOVE and i'm so excited for)#others? not so much (like why tf did i think i could handle setting up ty lee/mai/suki WHEN I CANT CHARACTERIZE A SINGLE ONE OF THEM)#i took a script-writing class this semester and it proved to me what i've always kinda known--that if i write dialogue only i can genuinely#write well. like it was a class so i didn't write all bangers but like. i turned in one script that was up there for best things ive ever#written. whereas trying to write fic/other fiction is rough because i'm not descriptive enough#im just like. ehh. i can see like half of this in my head. figure it out besties.
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bsd men and what they do for christmas
𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒖𝒚𝒂, 𝑭𝒖𝒌𝒖𝒄𝒉𝒊, 𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒎𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓
𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: sfw/nsfw/ severe brainrot♡
𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
can I just start by saying that this man has never celebrated Christmas properly so he's so excited to spend time with you
Dazai prefers to keep things simple: homemade dinner and then watching a movie
you're supposed to open the presents in the morning but he isn't patient enough. the moment he sees them under the tree you so kindly decorated a few days ago he has the biggest smile on his face
"come on bella you don't seriously want to wait until morning. how could you do this to me? you know how curious I am"
you end up opening the gifts that night. he's gonna loves whatever you get him really but his heart literally melts if you knit him a scarf or write him a letter. dazai's a sucker for self-made gifts
the only appropriate way to show his gratitude is to bend you over and fuck you nice and slow, your face mushed in the cushy pillows on your shared bed as he takes you from behind
"there you go pretty girl. my, my I'm starting to think this pretty pussy of yours is my favourite gift so far"
you can bet he wears a santa hat
𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒖𝒚𝒂 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
he'd take you out to the most expensive restaurant in town for a proper meal
after that, if you find a rink that's open on Christmas eve he takes you ice skating (totally not an excuse for him to hold your hand)
once you get home you cuddle on the couch while watching a generic movie like Home Alone. it's always the classics I'm telling you
he has a fireplace!!! and insists on opening the gifts next to it
among other stuff, he gets you Christmas themed lingerie and makes you wear it in bed. cuz after all, you're the best gift he could ask for
forget about baking him sweets, the only dessert he wants is your pretty cunt. he's gonna eat you out for what seems like hours, making you cum on his tongue at least two or three times before he even thinks about fucking you
"shiit baby you look so pretty like this. you like it when I spoil you rotten don't ya? I bet you do- oh fuck yea cum f'me doll"
𝑭𝒖𝒌𝒖𝒄𝒉𝒊 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
hubby's busy even on holidays
he probably has to attend some obnoxious event and ofc you go as his plus one
he's gonna spend all evening sulking and complaining about how idiotic the whole party is
by the time you two get home he's too exhaused to do anything but you may be able to bribe him to stay awake for an hour or two with some gingerbread
can I just say he'd probably get you the nicest gifts? i'm 100% sure he has a good salary so he can afford whatever you want. expensive jewelery or skincare? sure, no problem. a stack of books with those pretty decorative covers? fine again
he probably gets a bit tipsy on mulled wine so be prepared to hear a silly yet lengthy love confession before bed
falls asleep before midnight but he's gonna make up for it in the morning if you catch my drift
𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒎𝒂 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
sweet baby's so anxious at first
he's never celebrated christmas before so he doesn't really know what to do. this whole idea is so new to him but he can't deny he loves spending time with you decorating the house
Sigma wants to try any tradition you may have; baking winter themed cookies, making crackers, watching a movie marathon
when it comes to gifts he doesn't really know what to get you so he ends up buying multiple things he thinks you'd like and he's so happy when you tell him you like them
cuddles cuddles cuddles all evening under a cushy blanket with a mug of hot chocolate in your hands
he'd look so cute wearing one of those reindeer headbands
if it's snowing, take him slow dancing in the snow or on a walk around town. he's gonna love the pretty christmas lights
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd x reader#bsd fluff#bsd smut#dazai bsd#bsd dazai#dazai x reader#dazai fluff#dazai smut#chuya smut#bsd chuya#chuya x reader#sigma fluff#sigma bsd#sigma x reader#bsd fukuchi#fukuchi bsd
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Realize where you belong.
Chapter 9
Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader
CW: wholesome fluff, a good amount of angst, lo'ak being nosy lol jk he's genuinely trying to look after neteyam, descriptions of masturbation, TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of depressive symptoms, reader meeting neteyam in her avatar body, neteyam and reader vent to each other about their struggles, sensitive themes, hurt/comfort, cuddling, sexual tension, kissing, sexual content, mentions of sexual fluids, neteyam slightly begging to mate with reader, foreplay (i don't know if it counts but it definitely is teasing in a sexual way). Tell me if I missed something ♡
Hello, my cute little readers! I got a little better in terms of my fibro flare up and have been feeling a little better emotionally/mentally these days, so, I was able to write again. There's a slight chance that some paragraphs are a bit confusing. I didn't fully proofread it. I'm sorry, my babies, I'm really tired right now, really achy, still. And I'm extremely hungry and there's some delicious homemade orange cake in front of me waiting to be eaten 😍 I've already eaten two pieces of it and drank a full cup of coffee with milk but I NEED to eat more bc I'm still starving and I love cake and coffee 🤤 idk about other countries but it's a tradition that we have here in Brazil to eat cake and drink coffee, together 🤍 anyways I gotta shut up now lol Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'd love to read your lovely comments down below 👉🏻👈🏻 I love y'all SO MUUUCH 😘
Slightly proofread.
Chapter 8
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
No way out of your quicksand
But I can breathe underneath
Take your love, cover me
Pull me down, pull me down
You are wonderful
You've taken all of my heart
It was so worth the fall
Don't let go
Quicksand (Bridgit Mendler)
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
Today you felt anxious but excited. It was your first day off in a week. You were gonna Dreamwalk in your Avatar today. But you were not gonna be on a solo mission this time. Neteyam would be by your side. You two had planned to meet each other next to the river you always loved to play in. You had always loved running water.
Having Neteyam around felt like a breath of fresh air to you since you never truly felt at home amidst other human beings and, after so many years, it started to feel like a joke to you to insist on trying to fit into a society that seemed to not even want you there, in the first place. Most people behaved towards you like you were weird in some way. Neteyam never made you feel that way. You did not know if it was in view of the fact that he was na'vi or if it was just because he was in love with you.
You had always preferred to live among plants, insects, songs, books, animals… on your own little world, since you were a little girl. Everybody used to call you a daydreamer, saying you had your head on the clouds. When you were a child, you did not let that get under your skin. That's the beauty of childhood wonder, it has a lot of wisdom in it that we seem to forget, once we start growing up. Your little self never cared about those "demonstrations of care and concern" (that were nothing but condescending criticism and you never understood why people tried to conceal that fact if it was so obvious) because you knew you were not crazy or completely oblivious to reality like they used to say. Your fun and whimsical inner world was what felt like home to you, not the everyday mundane routine, the protocols that seemed ridiculously stupid to you, the shallow conversations and gossip… the over-all human society. It fucking sucked, if you were going to be totally honest.
It's not that you hated your own kind. No. It's just that you hated the way they built their empires, throughout history, the tainted legacy the ancestors left for the ones to come in the future - like a dying Planet, for example -, because of their own stupidity and recklessness.
You knew you were not harming anyone - yourself included - despite always engaging in daydreaming, all alone, with your earbuds on or just staring at a beautiful landscape and your grip on reality was still in check. Your grip on reality was actually so tight, your fingers would get hurt and start to bleed sometimes, because reality is a double bladed sword. It keeps you safe and stable, it is needed for you to not go bonkers, but it also cuts you deep with its sharp edges.
༊⁀➷
Neteyam prepared to go out today to meet you during the day for the first time after the both of you became mates. It was just like Eywa had blessed him as he was able to finish all his duties to the clan and his training a little earlier than the usual today. Or maybe the Great Mother had nothing to do with it and it was all Neteyam making the greatest effort ever just to be able to spend some time with you in the daylight and finally see you in your na'vi body again. He missed seeing you like that. He missed the way your tail would wag softly showing you were feeling happy, he missed looking at your stripes and thinking they were the most beautiful stripes he had ever seen and most of all, he missed admiring the way you loved his planet, the way you respected and appreciated Eywa instead of hurting her.
When Neteyam was taking his bow and arrows and putting them on his back, ready to go into the woods to meet you, Lo'ak approached him, suspicious.
"Where are you going, bro?"
"To the forest. Maybe I can hunt for some food and if I'm lucky I'll bring us some good meat for dinner." Neteyam smiled and gave his younger brother a head pat, rapidly walking out of the Sully's hut door
Lo'ak wanted to yell something to his older brother, something like "I know there's something you're not telling me" but he did not. If Neteyam was hiding something, it would probably not be something that would harm him - Neteyam. Everybody knew how responsible - to the point of being annoying, sometimes - Neteyam was. Lo'ak used to get Neteyam into trouble all the time back when they were just teenagers and he was trying not to do that as much as he used to, even though he was not exactly doing a great job - he was doing a terrible job, actually - but he was still trying. He would still keep an eye on his older brother - "It seems like the tables have turned, huh?" Lo'ak thought - but he would leave him alone to do whatever he was going to do in the forest. He knew Neteyam did not have much free time for himself and he sometimes felt sorry for him, seeing him so tired and even stressed out really often because of his Olo'eyktan to be training and his responsibilities as the older brother. Lo'ak used to hold some grudges on his older brother when he was younger but now he understood that Neteyam actually struggled a lot too.
Neteyam pretended to not notice anything when he was leaving home but he did not fail to see the mistrust on Lo'ak's face. That was something he would have to deal with sooner than he wanted to, he acknowledged. He also thought about how his mother would react when she eventually finds out that her son, the future Olo'eyktan of their tribe, was in a relationship with a human girl. Neteyam did not want to disappoint his mother. He knew how proud she was of him and it hurt to think that she could start to think badly of him. He tried his hardest to whoosh those thoughts away.
༊⁀➷
The Pandoran sun shone bright up in the sky, its rays reflecting on your bioluminescent freckles, making them a little more evident on your skin. The soothing sound of the leaves dancing with the pleasant wind and the water running in the nearby river filled the atmosphere around you. You walked slowly towards Neteyam, adrenaline dancing around in your belly in a bittersweet motion.
When Neteyam looked at you, it was like lightning had struck him. Not a destructive kind of lightning but a good one, sweet in its intensity, falling strongly all over him. Neteyam was seeing you in your Avatar for the first time after you had become his mate.
Your mouth was somewhat open, revealing your upper teeth and your na'vi (Avatar?) fangs. Your gaze revealed how much you had anticipated that moment, how much you stayed up when you should be sleeping, thinking about finally being able to see the look in Neteyam's face when he saw you in your Avatar. You knew he had watched you while you were Dreamwalking too many times before but you never got to see the admiration in his eyes when he did so as he had been stalking you, not letting you know he was around. You had wished to see his beautiful golden eyes captivated by you for so long. You wanted to feel pretty and desired like that. And now you were finally experiencing it as Neteyam looked almost dumb with enchantment while he stared at you. But cute dumb, you know? So damn cute…
You stared back at him as you took the last steps towards the place where he stood, as if he was frozen.
Neteyam felt like he was not able to move as he took in how beautiful you looked. He had never seen your na'vi body so close to his own body and it felt overwhelmingly good to do so. His sweet yawne finally belonged to him and he could now touch you and hold you in the physical form he found you most beautiful in. It's not like he did not think you were madly beautiful and hot in your human body, he always wanted to pin you down and make love to you while he was close to your human form, but nothing compared to seeing you in your na'vi form, the form where you smiled the most, where you seemed so much more alive and full of lust for experiencing the world around you. That made you even prettier. Happiness looked pretty on you.
Neteyam was na'vi and his people did not have as many severe mental struggles like humans did but there were rare cases where some na'vi who went through terrible trauma in their lives did become uninterested in fighting their dark thoughts and they did become extremely depressed, though they could be cured from that illness through rituals that healed the spirit, performed by their clan's Tsahìk.
Neteyam was not blind or oblivious to things that were obvious to the naked eye. He knew that nobody would break down and cry as often as you did, only minutes after waking up in the morning, while getting ready for work etc if this person was not in an enormous amount of pain, the kind of pain that made them wish to disappear and never be found again. Thinking about his mate feeling that kind of sorrow made him feel like his heart was being torn into pieces, blood spilling from it like water spills from a fountain.
The reason why Neteyam was so determined to convince you to transfer your consciousness to your na'vi body forever was not some selfish wish, it was not just because he wanted to take you to his tribe and have you be his mate, be able to bond with you through tsaheylu every night and get to love your body, sharing his affection and sexual pleasure with you as well as feeling your own through the bond - even though that thought did wake up a raw, intense desire and need inside of him and he just could not stop himself from fantasizing about that while stroking his cock when he could be all by himself without any chance of disturbance. Neteyam also wanted to give you the opportunity to live a blissful and fulfilling life, a life where you would laugh way more often than cry. If he knew someone that deserved nothing less than that, that person was you.
If in the worst case scenario, you still felt so bad after you had your consciousness transferred to your na'vi body, Neteyam planned to ask his mother to perform a ritual that heals the spirit on you. Thinking about that, he suddenly felt anxious and he felt his heart tightening inside his chest. Neteyam had been trying not to worry about the fact that it would be extremely hard to convince his mother to accept you as his mate and perform the ritual of transference of consciousness on you but that thought had been eating him alive constantly, ever since he talked to you for the first time, outside of the laboratory’s kitchen window.
"Hi, muntxatan." (male mate) Neteyam's heart started beating quickly and it almost came out of his throat when he heard you calling him your mate in his people's language as you stopped in front of him and smiled widely, your eyes narrowing slightly. Those torturing thoughts about his mother trying to tear the both of you apart quickly were washed away from his mind by your presence. It was hypnotizing to him.
"Yawntu… You're just so beautiful. So insanely beautiful." Neteyam smiled, his eyes shining, still bewitched by you, and pushed you roughly against his body. He hugged you tighter than he ever did before since he knew he wouldn't hurt you by doing so when you're Dreamwalking. The size difference between the both of you was not that substantial anymore. His chin rested on the top of your head as he held you strongly against his body.
His roughness did not hurt you, on the contrary, it made you feel safe and protected to have his big - currently not huge, just big - arms around you, keeping your body close as your head was against his chest, your eyes shut and you could hear his heart beating fast. It made you indescribably happy to know that you were the reason for that quick heartbeat. You curled your lips up, smiling peacefully.
Peace. You spent so much time without feeling that but, after you accepted becoming Neteyam's mate, finally defeating your cruel fears, you started to feel peaceful way more often than you had ever felt in your life, even more often than you did when you were little.
Neteyam distanced your bodies a bit, still putting his hands on the sides of your arms, right below your shoulders and announced:
"Come! There's a place I wanna take you to." He took your hand and started walking in front of you, excitedly leading you somewhere
"Where are you taking me?" You smiled and chuckled softly, curious
"You'll see." It was all he said
Neteyam made you feel excited about little things, like you were just a child again, a feeling you hadn't felt in so, so long. After Neteyam came to your life, it was like he painted vivid colors on your once all too white and dull canvas. You almost shivered at the reminder that you nearly ruined your chance to have a love so pure and true such as this one because of fear of the unknown and refusal of getting out of your comfort zone.
After walking through the rainforest with you for a little while, Neteyam stopped in front of a tall, large tree and you soon recognized it. Its branches had clusters that were full of some beautiful fruits that reminded you of blueberries that used to exist on Earth, before they went extinct.
"Here. Do you recognize this tree? I've seen you look at it so many times. Were you wondering if the yovo fruits are safe to eat?"
"Yeah." You smiled bashfully "They look delicious."
"And they are. They're safe to eat, yawne. We can eat some now, if you want to." Neteyam smiled kindly at you. The fact that he remembered small details about you made your heart melt.
"I'd love that, Teyam."
Neteyam smiled, unbelieving.
"What did you call me?"
"Teyam…?" You furrowed your eyebrows "It's just a nickname I came up with for you… Do you hate it?" You contorted your features in a way that showed him you were feeling slightly insecure and embarrassed
"No! I love it, yawntutsyìp! I love it." He smiled and chuckled "I just wasn't expecting it. I love that my muntxate is calling me by a special nickname. Feels intimate." Neteyam came closer to you and held your face with both his beautiful strong blue hands
You looked up at his face with doe eyes and waited as you knew what was coming. You could feel it. The sneaky butterflies started flying inside your belly again.
Neteyam kissed you slowly, crushing his soft wet lips against yours. He pressed his lips on your mouth again and again for a short amount of time but it was enough to make your legs feel weak.
"Come, oeyä muntxate. I'll help you climb the tree."
Neteyam did as he said and soon enough you both were sitting on the wooden "floor" of the tree, sharing yovo fruits and eating them.
You two started to chill and talk about everyday life. It felt so good. It felt familiar, just like any relationship you had had before with a human guy, but better. So much better. Your alien boyfriend - mate? It felt so weird to say it like that… - made you feel things that none of your ex human boyfriends could ever dream to do. Neteyam made you feel understood. He did not judge you. He made you feel at home. Neteyam was becoming home for you.
You started to tell him how sad and done with everything you sometimes felt. Well, not sometimes… It happened all the time, even though it got better now that Neteyam was in your life. But you did not want to make him worry about you.
"You know, sometimes I feel like that too."
"What do you mean?" You questioned
"Like there's so much chaos inside that I just wanna talk to someone and vent. But I'm always so busy. There never seems to be time to find someone to do that with."
You were slightly surprised.
"Yeah, me too. Always too busy." You sighed "And exhausted, to be honest. Both physically and mentally."
"Well, I do have way more stamina than humans do" You laughed at Neteyam's teasing "But some nights I come home from training and after taking care of my siblings, really, really tired too. And I don't mean only physically."
"We have some stuff in common, don't we?" You pointed out, smiling
"We certainly do." He smiled back
You felt good knowing that.
Neteyam laid on the floor, right by your side.
"I'm full" He let out a laugh that sounded lovely in your ears while stroking his stomach.
"Me too." You laid on the floor too, just like Neteyam had just done. Your belly felt pleasantly filled up "But these fruits are so good I'd still eat a dozen of them." You playfully said, laughing
"Do you want more? I can get you some more." Neteyam gently offered
"No, it's okay, Teyam. I'm good for now." You smiled at him
Neteyam smiled back, showing no teeth, a soft, enamored look in his feline amber eyes.
You two spent some time together in comfortable silence.
"Oeyä muntxate?"
"Yeah?" You looked at him and let out a relaxed sigh, smiling softly
"Oel ngati kameie." He said, with vulnerable sincerity in his eyes
It seemed like he was gazing inside your very soul. Like his golden eyes could see something in you nobody else could. Like he saw who you truly were. Like Neteyam saw the good and bad and the ugly and the greatness and the doubts and the fears and the uniqueness and the ordinary parts of you, like he saw all of you, and it did not scare him off to see your dark side. You could feel he was staying for both your virtues and your vices. And maybe that's what "Oel ngati kameie" meant, when said to the one you're choosing to be your mate. Means connecting to someone in a raw, deep way, a way that nobody else is able to. A way that allows you to see the other person's flaws but not be afraid of them and try to find a way out. A way that allows you to see the grace in every little detail that that other soul has, to see the beauty in them that they themselves could never see.
"Oel ngati kameie…" You finally said, smiling, still not believing he had said those words to you
Neteyam smiled brightly while gazing into your eyes. He always looked deep inside your eyes… It felt almost too much but it still had just the right amount of intensity for it to be deliciously alluring instead of overwhelming.
Neteyam took your hand and intertwined your fingers on his. You felt the touch of his warm hand burning your skin in a pleasant way. After a few seconds, he kissed the back of your hand tenderly. You kept staring at both your hands glued together for a while.
"I wanna cuddle with you, oeyä muntxate." His voice brought your attention back to his face.
You could hear nervousness and need in his tone.
"Sure, yawne."
You were starting to really like calling Neteyam by na'vi pet names. The na'vi language was incredibly pleasing to the ears, in your opinion.
Neteyam started moving your body carefully, so you could lay on your side and when you obeyed, laying in said position, he himself laid on his side and pulled you in, making your body be as close to his as he could, your ass against his clothed member.
Your lungs started to do a poor job at helping you breathe now that the both of you were so close. You got nervous as you two had, yes, cuddled before, when you were in your human body, but he was never behind you like that, his body glued to yours. You knew he could feel your ass on his cock. Your heart was beating at the speed of light.
It did not take long for you to start to feel Neteyam was now fully erect, his cock pressed against your ass. You felt the inner walls of your pussy start to twitch and you got all wet, your juices spreading over your panties. Neteyam was so big and thick and your body responded like crazy to him.
It was a violent, invincible desire that made Neteyam cling so much to you, all the time. It would burn his insides, making him yearn for you, for your touch, for your warmth. There was no rational explanation inside his head for it. Neteyam could not understand it, he could only feel it covering all his being, exuding from his eyes whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you… He knew you could tell how much he was thirsty for you almost all the time. But Neteyam did not care about being so vulnerable. He wanted you to know what you did to him. Maybe like that you would surrender sooner and give yourself to him completely already. He felt so impatient. Everyday it was getting harder and harder for him to not take you in his arms and mate with you. This wait was killing him, day by day. It was like a slow and agonizing death. And now that he could smell your sweet juices so vividly, he felt like he could no longer hold back.
Neteyam pushed you even closer to him. You whimpered softly, the feeling of his huge, girthy cock pressed against your butt was divine.
Neteyam got you crazily wet just so quickly that it never failed to surprise you. He was like quicksand to you; you could try and run as much as you wanted but you would always end up being swallowed by his love.
"I need you so much, muntxate…" He cried out softly in your ear while rubbing his hard cock on your ass. "You're all wet for me. You smell so good, it's intoxicating." He sniffed the air, savoring your natural scent just like it was the most mouthwatering thing he had ever felt filling his sensitive nostrils "Please, lemme make you mine completely, my sweet yawne. Please…"
༊⁀➷
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#neteyam sully#neteyam x reader#neteyam x reader smut#neteyam x you#neteyam x human#neteyam x avatar!reader#neteyam x omatikaya!reader#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x female reader#neteyam smut#neteyam x female human reader#neteyam x na'vi!reader#neteyam x human reader#neteyam sully angst#neteyam sully x na’vi!reader#neteyam sully x reader#neteyam sully x you#neteyam sully x y/n#neteyam sully smut#neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan#na'vi smut#na'vi x reader smut#na'vi x reader#na'vi x y/n#avatar fanfiction#avatar smut#✎ victória writes ▢࿐✧
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i’ve been rereading your not [] series and WOWOWOWOWOW i love it sm. the writing? mwah chefs kiss 🤌🏽 the soul crushing loneliness is felt throughout the whole series and as the reader i can really feel every single emotion y/n goes through while reading it’s amazing. i’m excited for part three to see how it all goes down most importantly y/n’s reaction. i can only imagine the intense anger they’ll probably have after getting taken back to the manor. they’ll be angry cuz of the kidnapping thing but also it took them going missing for their family to acknowledge them. that’s a whole different type of anger and frustration. trying practically all your life to get your family’s attention, to them notice your there, all for it to be vain but the moment you’re gone and don’t exist, just like they’ve been treating your whole life, suddenly they notice. they felt guilty after realizing the damage they’ve done to you and just NOW they want to fix even though you’ll probably be carrying the trauma of the neglect for life so what’s the point of trying to fix it now? especially at this big age? the anger y/n must feel at this is insane. there’s also the fact that if y/n *does* want to give in to the sudden affection there’s that fear they’ll just leave again. they get kidnapped, imprison in what was their once home with high security, are being bomb with a bunch of love from their family they’ve never received before and then suddenly it’s gone, all their left with is just their freedom being taken away. y/n most likely feels intense anger, maybe even hatred, at their current actions but also fear of their future ones. it’s the perfect soup of angst and mannnn i’m eating it up.
sorry for the ramble i just wanted to let out my thoughts on your series but to sum it up i LOOVE your series and i’m patiently waiting for your next chapter to continue to see what of y/n’s fate becomes 🫶🏽
I'm so glad you're enjoying the series!!! And oh my god I love your interpretation as well!!!
As I've kind of stated/hinted at through various posts (I promise a masterlist will be made soon because there is a lot of things now that are piling up-), I don't really tend for Y/n in the "Not [ ]" series to get kidnapped just yet (not in part 3 anyways), but I think we all know that it's bound to happen considering things. And it will!
Honestly, I think a lot of people are kind of overestimating how 'loud' Y/n's anger, frustration, hurt, and pain will be in part 3, and it does make me a little worried about the reception of it. However, depending on one's interpretation, what the reader does instead can make the angst that much heavier. Because, well. They don't get that 'relief' that can sometimes come with shouting out your problems to the world- especially to the person that caused you such pain for such a long time, as it is also kind of acts like an unmistakable "hey!!! i'm fucked up and it's all your fault!!! i'll never forgive you for this and want nothing to do with you!!!" message. Though it is a mix within itself.
However, you are right, honestly!
Y/n in the start of the "Not [ ]" series is upset enough. Not only towards the family, but all the time they feel like they've wasted to try and just have a chance to just... get something they never had. All they wanted was a relationship, some kind of connection with anyone in the family besides Alfred, anything. Which is also mentioned in "Not Tonight" as there is that repeating theme/mention of Y/n doing too much but receiving so little, if not, nothing at all, for their efforts.
So just knowing that — as you've said — it basically took them essentially 'giving up' and being gone for months, for the Batfam to notice them? To try and even attempt to give not even half of what the reader had tried to before? Yet was rejected at every twist and turn? Up until this point?
Yeah, no. Y/n is plenty pissed, and incredibly hurt. Among other things as it's just... too little too late. Way too late.
Yet why I also say that I feel as if others overestimate how Y/n is going to express their anger, and how loud about it they're going to be, is because... well- this is a small kind of character spoiler, I guess, but they feel so detached from the family that the very thought of the Batfam even looking for them, is unfathomable. They don't realize at first how the Batfam is looking for them (despite the obvious signs), because it's never happened before, not even on accident.
They never got saved when they got into fights. They never got help when shit got tough. They were never heard, seen or even acknowledged in the house besides Alfred unless they initiated the 'conversation'. Why would they think that anyone who's acted to them like that, and wouldn't even let them exist in their space for a few minutes, go out searching for them? To put in even the smallest effort towards finding them — and because they were worried for Y/n's health no less — and not because they were the absolute last resort? They wouldn't. They don't.
It's a part of why part 3 goes the way it does, but again-its a part. The other pieces make it bad as well. Though that's all the spoilers I'm willing to give on that, which will go more indepth in part 3 itself (hopefully).
Basically, Y/n is a mess. Everyone is in a way, and that's what makes everything go to hell.
Y/n is angry, yes, but it starts quiet before it gets loud. Along with everything else.
So if and when Y/n does get kidnapped... hm.
I did say in a previous ask that depending on how it goes that Y/n would fight back if they're able to and such depending on how the kidnapping itself goes. And though I won't say much on Y/n's reaction in case it does go into future parts if more than 4 are made, I will say that you're right to assume that Y/n is incredibly pissed. You're also right on the whole idea with them being worried about the family basically neglecting them all over again, when everything is said and done. And that's great!
It's a mix. A whole push-and-pull deal where, yeah, even if more shit hits the fan- their own trauma will, in a way, protect them as well as make their life more miserable than it already is. Y/n'll probably never be able to naturally get close with the Batfam, not without 'help' anyway.
But these are yanderes. Their definition of 'help' is a little... twisted.
Though, yeah! And don't worry about rambling- I clearly do the same seeing as I think this whole post is almost just as long as what you wrote. So it's fine! If anything I really did enjoy reading it! Seeing all these different interpretations, and thoughts about the series and other things is incredibly interesting and I love it a lot! Especially with Part 3 on the rise.
#talking daydreams#platonic yandere batfam#yandere batfam#yandere x gn reader#sibling reader#gn reader#yandere dc#platonic yandere#neglected reader#i still find it funny how that got me rambling too- lol!#sorry if these thoughts are a mess and unclear my brain is kind of dying at the moment
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omg i love the way u write jjk characters! i was reading ur work and had a scenario that i thought would be so fun to read from you if you like the idea! i was thinking abt if you got drunk with them at the school (like maybe all the students sneak to one persons dorm or something), how they would act drunk, how they would treat u, what would happen etc. my favs are toge and yuji but you could do whoever ofc!
ok idk if this is exactly what you were looking for but since i've wrtten a few fics now where drinking/partying was the theme, i'm gonna assign the jjk crews their party night roles lolol so enjoy
ITADORI YUUJI is the life of the party, obviously. he's the type to bring jello shots to the function and if no one wants them, he'll eat em all himself. he's the guy that you dare to do stuff as the night goes on. he's the guy that somehow, at the end of each party, is missing a shirt. did he go swimming? did someone spill on it? did he spill on it? (most likely) everyone laughs but no one really complains about it. he's always got a fun plan or game in mind to keep the night going, and everyone's happy to have him there.
FUSHIGURO MEGUMI is the shy-at-first guest. he's slow when he first gets there, and always claims he doesn't want to get too fucked up. he's got a never ending amount of excuses up his sleeve as to why he can't take that shot with you, or be your partner for beer pong. but give him an hour to warm up. he'll spend that time lining up a fire playlist and semi-mingling. the trick to getting him to loosen up? just a quick smoke first. don't jump on him with it, but if he sees a joint being passed around, he can't resist just a couple puffs. what's the harm, right? a couple puffs and he's giving in to whatever other party shenanigans come his way.
KUGISAKI NOBARA is in charge of the photography for the evening. everyone's instagrams and snapchat stories are well taken care of when she's around. in the early parts of the evening they're casual photos, fit checks, some candids of the laughing group as they play games or eat pizza. she's quite good with lighting and angles, and no one complains when she shoves her phone in their face. as the night goes on, she probably documents more than she should- toge drawing on yuuta's face while he's passed out, yuuji shirtless and covering himself in whipped cream on a dare- but it's always too funny to go through them the next day and delete half the evidence.
PANDA is the dancer. if he's drinking, he's dancing. it doesn't matter how many drinks are in his system. it doesn't matter if the music is particularly fun- or even playing. he's got too much excitement from hanging out with his friends and is down for a good time. he's also easy to coerce into pranking someone.
INUMAKI TOGE is the coercer of pranks. if someone passes out, he's always got a marker on him. he always has the best dares for truth or dare, and isn't afraid when others want to get their revenge. he's that class-clown energy at the party. sometimes it's annoying, but it's always undeniably funny. he definitely likes those tacky party favors from spencers. especially the big dick shaped syringes for taking shots. he's got a lot of sus 'party decorations'. but let's be real it's really fucking funny when he breaks out the newest one. also if he gets too drunk he will use his cursed speech for the sake of humor.
ZEN'IN MAKI is the bartender and general caretaker of the group. she's the best at mixed drinks and knows everyone's favorite, but always has something new to try. as the designated bartender she's also the one subtly making sure everyone is on a good track for the night. most of the time it just meant keeping an eye on yuuji and toge, reminding them to have some water every once in a while went a long way. and she's not afraid to cut you off if you're getting sloppy. i also think she'd roll the fattest, cleanest joints when she's not mixing drinks.
OKKOTSU YUUTA is the first to fall asleep. he's a good time, don't get me wrong. he loves the games and the dancing and the goofing around, but he's an overworked boy and... a bit of a lightweight. motherfucker takes two hits and is shaking his head the rest of the rotation. it's kinda cute that his eyes get all red after so little before he raids the snack table. maki knows he has a five drink limit before he either needs to drink water or rally or... as usual, he's slumped into the couch and snoozing away. it's a miracle that he can sleep so hard when the music is blasting and everyone has to yell to be heard- especially when it's itadori yelling. by the end of the night, someone's thrown a blanket over him, and toge's vandalized his face with permanent marker.
#THIS WAS SO FUN AAHHH HEHEHE#megumi brainrot#yuuji brainrot#nobara brainrot#maki brainrot#toge brainrot#yuuta brainrot#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fanfiction#jujtusu kaisen fanfiction#itadori yuuji x reader#fushiguro megumi x reader#inumaki toge x reader#okkotsu yuuta x reader
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Pick Yourself Up Pt. 2 | Jake Kiszka
a/n: y'all got homework! mandatory listening assignment to accompany this part:
this is a major plot point in this part of the story😎 y/n makes an appearance, but i really want this story to be about jakey so this is not my normal writing from y/n's pov. i'm really happy with how it turned out, and even more excited for where this story is headed!!!! as always, let me know what yall think xoxoxoxo
here's pt. 1
summary: after years of trying to make his dream of being a musician a reality, jake continues to fall short. on the brink of giving up, can his passion alone keep him afloat, or will he need help from others?
pairing: jake kiszka x fem reader
warnings: language, angst (although this part is much happier than the last) , alcohol consumption, light themes of depression and possible eating disorder
word count: 6.9k lol
“Ma, for the millionth time, I’m okay. Really,” Jake assured, phone held between his ear and his shoulder as he struggled to set a couple dirty plates in the sink, “I don’t know why that asshole called you.”
“Josh called me because he’s worried about you, honey, and so am I. You promised me you’d call me every week and I haven’t heard from you in a month.”
He let out a deep sigh; Josh only ever got Karen involved when he deemed the situation drastic enough. It was true, though. He hadn’t reached out to his mother for a while now and that alone was cause for her to worry. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to her, but it was the same reason that he couldn’t face his brothers: he didn’t want for her to see the truth of how he was living. Sure, he was close with Karen, but he never had the relationship that Josh had with her and because of that, it was easier for him to hide from her.
“Look, I’m sorry, I’ve just been… busy-”
“With gigs?” she questioned innocently, “How are they going?”
Jake didn’t see the use in hiding the truth from her further but he paused, thinking about the correct way to imply how he was doing without saying it outright.
“Jakey?”
“Uh, they’re not going so hot, Mom, if I’m being honest,” he said as he straightened up over the sink, bringing a free hand to the back of his neck, letting a shaky breath escape from his lips. “Just kind of same old, same old.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, honey. How so?”
“No one is biting, I guess. I play the same gigs nearly every week in hopes that the consistency will land me in front of the right eyes and ears, but nothing’s happening,” Jake explained, closing his eyes before continuing, “Barely making any money these days, either. It’s been a real drag. I’m feeling a bit hopeless.”
Shit, that part wasn’t supposed to come out.
His mother was silent on the other line, surely waiting for him to continue. He was half expecting her to begin down the road that she always went down; how he was the most talented kid she’s ever heard, how he just needs to continue to be patient, but it never came. He listened to her breathing before he finally asked, “Mom?”
He was then met with sniffles from the other line. Fuck, is she crying?
“Ma, hello?”
“My baby, I didn’t know you were struggling like this,” Karen began, voice wobbly as she spoke. “This has been your dream since you could walk, I assumed that since I hadn’t heard from you that meant it was finally coming true.”
Damn.
“I know Josh probably told you to keep going and be patient. He’s always been right when it comes to giving you advice. Whatever he said, I’m sure I agree,” she continued. “What do you need, Jakey? Should I come down to see you? Do you have groceries? I can-”
He laughed before cutting her off, “No, Mom, really I’m okay. I swear. Plus, I’ll be home soon enough for Dad’s birthday.”
“Are you sure, baby? Josh mentioned to me that you’re looking a little…” she hesitated before finishing her thought. “I’m going to send you some food whether you like it or not.”
That bastard really sees through everything, doesn’t he?
Jake knew that he had been disregarding his health recently, but his mind was elsewhere. And he absolutely hadn’t realized that it had gotten so bad that his physical appearance had shifted, but of course his twin was able to detect any subtle changes before Jake saw them himself. Trying to scrounge up the money for monthly expenses had become increasingly difficult; he couldn’t remember the last time he had been to the grocery store.
Before he could respond, his phone began beeping signifying he was getting another call.
Sam.
“Hang on, Mom, Sam’s calling me. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Love you.”
“Alright honey, call me when you can. Watch your front door for groceries! I love you!”
After briskly disconnecting the call, he answered Sam with a meek, “Hello?”
“Can’t believe you actually picked up. That’s the first time in weeks!” Sam laughed out, his cheery, sarcastic tone palpable through the phone.
“Sorry man, I’m trying to get better at that. What’s up?”
“Well, Josh clued me in that he had given you some instructions and knowing that you don’t have a gig tonight, I believe you are contractually obligated to go out with me and Daniel. Josh will be joining us at some point, too.”
Jake took a sharp inhale through his nose. Truthfully, he was nervous to begin socializing with his brothers again. He had grown accustomed to being by his lonesome; he didn’t particularly enjoy it and was lonely most of the time, but at least he could be his authentic self and process his emotions freely without the eyes of others watching him. He racked his brain for a sufficient way to decline his little brother's offer, an excuse that would seem legitimate enough for Sam to believe.
“Sam, I-”
“Remember, you can’t say no!” Sam yelled through the phone, partnered with a poor attempt at a maniacal laugh.
Jake closed his eyes once more, bringing his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose. He knew he would never hear the end of it from any of his brothers if he declined yet another invitation.
“All right, asshole, I’m in.”
Jake could hear Sam hollering on the other line, seemingly pulling the phone away to tell who he assumed to be Daniel, “The fucker said yes! Can you believe it!” Then, speaking directly into the phone,
“Meet us at Robert’s at 8pm, and don’t be late! Oh, and bring your guitar!”
The phone disconnected with a swift click, leaving Jake to wonder just what trouble his brothers had in store for him tonight. I think Robert’s is that place I’ve been trying to play at for months now…
He looked around his apartment and thought to himself, “Man, this place is disgusting. You really let yourself go.” He continued collecting dirty dishes from all corners of his home, placing them in the sink before cranking the faucet and filling the basin with warm, soapy water. It’d only been a couple days since his talk with Josh, and he found himself surprised that his brother's words had affected him as much as they had. There was hope in his heart, even if it was just a small glimmer, but he felt compelled to begin trying again. To make an effort to show up for his brothers, but also for himself.
A couple hours later, the dishes had been dried and put away, garbage collected and taken down to the dumpster behind the building. He even took the time to wipe down his counters and finally change the lightbulbs in the hanging lamp that illuminated his kitchen. To keep him company while he worked, he put on his favorite records, something that again he hadn’t done in what felt like months. He let the familiar songs soothe him, his mind lulled into a comfortable rhythm. Humming along as he worked, he began to realize that he felt the most at ease he’s felt in ages; his head was free from the heavy thoughts that have been clouding his brain for the better part of a year, the tension in his shoulders beginning to feel a little less tight. Sure, he still felt the gravity of his situation, but having the motivation to clean himself up a bit was a new, welcome change. All thanks to Josh, that fucker.
Cleaning out the fridge, he was startled by the sound of his doorbell buzzing. Throwing on the pair of beat up Birkenstocks, he made his way through the door and ran down the stairs to be met with a grocery delivery. He picked up the large cardboard box, hauling it upstairs and setting it on the kitchen counter. He noticed a note from Karen lay on the top as he opened the box:
Take care of yourself, sweetie. Can’t wait to see you soon.
Love, Mom
He smiled to himself, carefully placing the note next to the box before digging through it, noticing how she sent him all his favorite foods. He put the groceries away swiftly, and as he closed the door to the fridge he caught sight of the clock on the stove, 7:46pm.
“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath before running to his room to throw more presentable clothes on, grabbing his guitar case on his way out the door. Sam had told him not to be late.
~~~~~~
Y/N POV
“Yeah, yeah, Caitlyn, 7:45 sharp. I got it,” you said as your phone was snug between your cheek and your shoulder, bringing your bags and equipment down to your car. It was nearing 6pm; you and your bandmates had a local gig tonight at a bar that you frequented.
“Just please don’t be late like last time! This gig is actually really important, and we’ve only got 15 minutes to get set up,” your drummer explained, concern and anticipation evident in her tone.
“I’m sorry I was late last time, Cait, I promise I won’t be again!” You slammed the trunk of your car shut with your free hand, “You know I’m not usually like that.” She knows I was having car trouble…
“I know, tonight is just nerve wracking. I’m kinda freaking out. The whole open mic thing… who knows who’s gonna be there.”
“I can tell! But it’s gonna be fine. I’m heading to Jen's now to make some last minute tweaks to her solo. I’ll see you soon!”
You said goodbye to your friend before shoving your phone back in your pocket. Not too long ago, you and your childhood friends had set out to Nashville to live out your dream of making it as musicians. You had all been playing together for longer than you could remember, the band falling into your lap without any real amount of effort. Caitlyn, your neighbor growing up, was a force to be reckoned with on drums, Jen, your best friend since kindergarten, on guitar, and your cousin, Tyler, holding it down on the bass. You had been chosen as the lead vocalist before you truly knew how to sing, but once falling into the role, you took your job incredibly seriously, taking as many voice lessons as you physically could to solidify your now resonant and skilled voice.
The four of you hit the ground running once getting to Tennessee, and somehow luck had been on your side, managing to play for the right group of people and now you had your first EP out, working to get your debut album out after having signed with a label. You were confident in your abilities and even more confident in your sound, having pushed many other priorities aside to focus on this career that you had set in motion with your friends.
After climbing in the driver's seat and twisting the ignition, you blasted the AC in your car. Who knew how long it would take for you to get used to the southern heat. It was only a short drive to Jens, something the two of you made sure of when you were looking at apartments, and as you drove you began humming possible riffs for her to try out on the new song you’d be debuting tonight.
She ushered you inside her place quickly upon your arrival, clearly anxious about your performance tonight.
“Cait is totally getting to me. I wasn’t nervous at all until she called me a couple minutes ago,” she fussed, leading you into her makeshift home studio and slinging her guitar strap over her head, walking over to the amp and plugging in.
You chuckled, digging your own acoustic out of its case, “I really think it’s going to be great! We’ve been rehearsing day in and day out, and we’ve played this bar before so at least that bit isn’t new.”
“I think she’s nervous because they asked her to be the drummer for the open mic that’s happening after our set. They’re paying her good money so she didn’t turn it down, but you know how she is.”
Oh shit, I didn’t know that part.
“Did they ask you or Tyler to stick around, too?” You realized that tonight may be a bigger deal than you had originally thought.
“Nah, it sounded like they already had a guitarist, and I think they have someone on both electric and upright bass. We’re going to stick around for Cait’s sake, but who knows, we might hear some good shit tonight,” she said, pulling her hair out from under the guitar strap and throwing it over her shoulder, “Now, show me what you’ve been thinking about.”
You beamed at her, situating your guitar on your knee before strumming out the ideas you had come up with.
End of y/n POV
~~~~~~
“An open mic?” Jake spat out at Sam, grasping his brother's forearm tightly. “You shithead, why did you bring me to this place?”
Sam was howling with laughter as he yanked out of Jake’s grip, leading him to the table where Danny and Josh sat, somehow already inebriated, whooping and hollering once Jake was in their line of sight. Jake reluctantly plopped down in a chair beside his twin, facing the tiny stage in the corner of the bar that was illuminated by soft overhead floodlights. Nonchalantly swirling his whiskey in its highball glass, he glanced around the bar. So this is Robert’s…
It looked like any other dive bar, but a little tidier. The walls were painted a dark crimson with neon beer signs and vintage pinup posters consuming every inch of space. The booths were made of brown, worn leather, the floors a warm hardwood. He took inventory of the instruments already set up on stage, and noticed the upright bass snug in the corner. Maybe this wouldn’t be a waste of his time after all.
Josh nudging his shoulder caught his attention.
“I’m really glad you're here, it means a lot,” Josh slurred, just above a whisper that only Jake could hear.
A slight grin graced his lips as he shrugged before Josh continued, “Did you talk to Mom?”
“Yeah, I talked to her,” Jake replied, jabbing his elbow into his brother's ribs, “thanks for ratting me out. She was all worried and shit. Even sent me groceries.”
Josh shook his head, a cheesy smile plastered to his face accompanied by a pink flush of his cheeks, surely due to the alcohol in his system, “Sorry, man, but you looked like crap! I had to tell her!”
Jake couldn’t help but match his brother's smile; he was beginning to feel true gratitude for all three of them. He was realizing exactly how much they cared for him, willing to carry his burden on their shoulders in any way they knew how. He glanced over to Danny and Sam where they were having their own conversation, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart swell, an emotion that was only supplied when he was spending time with his brothers.
Danny caught his eyes for a split second and offered him a tight smile; Jake hadn’t apologized to him yet.
Tonight, if I can find time alone with him. I need to do better. He knew he potentially hurt Danny more than any of his other brothers, and there was still a piece of him too swollen with pride to completely let himself admit just how badly he had fucked up. Before he let himself get too much in his head, something that Josh consistently warned him about, he cleared his throat to gain the attention of the group.
“Alright, Sammy boy, wanna tell us why we’re here? And why I needed my guitar?” He accompanied the question with a raised eyebrow, inclining his glass towards Sam.
“Well, brother, if you would be patient for just a couple minutes, we’re here to see a band and they should be starting any second now,” Sam replied, clasping his hands together. “The lead singer is a waitress at my restaurant. She told everyone their band had a gig here tonight,” he explained, taking a second to glance around the bar, searching the crowd, “but it looks like I’m the only asshole who bothered to show up!”
“I’ve heard them play before, they’re pretty good! And her voice is unbelievable,” Daniel chimed in, eyes piercing Jake’s as he added, “I think you’re really gonna like her.”
Don’t tell me these assholes are trying to set me up.
“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why-”
Jake was cut off by the lights in the bar dimming, turning his attention again to the small stage to watch three musicians climb the few steps up to the platform. A tall brunette took her place behind the drumset, muscular arms and stoic features that seemed to be evident in every drummer he’s encountered. He observed the spritely woman with flowing hair plugging her cobalt guitar into the amp, throwing her wavy locks over her shoulder in the process, and a towering, lanky man who stood impossibly still as he clutched his bass guitar, a mysterious air around him, his eyes hidden behind dark aviator sunglasses. Each one different, surely bringing their own unique voices to the collective whole, but Jake could already tell that their chemistry would likely be unmatched.
The three musicians checked their sound, the guitarists making sure their strings were in tune, before the lead vocalist made it onto the stage. And as Jake watched her ascend the steps, lights glistening off of her hair and bouncing off her features, his breath was stolen out of his chest.
She took center stage, if he could even call it that with how confined the space was, and he watched with rapt attention as she adjusted the stand to her height and spoke a hushed “Check, check,” into the microphone. Her voice was low, sultry, alluring, and everything clicked into place as to why his brothers had brought him here tonight. His eyes were glued to the stage, however, oblivious to the three men observing him, smiles plastered wide across their faces upon realizing that they had been successful in their plan.
She then turned around and spoke something to the rest of the band, all of them nodding and smiling in agreement before a light shuffle began sounding from the drumkit. They all fell into an easy groove, their sound a tempting soulful rock that only few could pull off these days, in Jake’s opinion. He couldn’t take his eyes off the singer as she turned back to the mic, her eyes closed and head softly lilting along rhythmically, an easy, almost lazy smile dancing across her face.
Jake brought his glass up to his mouth as he leaned back in his chair, settling in for what he knew was about to be a fantastic set, but paused his actions as she stepped closer to the mic, drawing a breath as her eyes opened and the first note slipped past her lips.
He was sure he looked ridiculous, glass held halfway between the table and his lips, eyes blown wide and mouth slightly agape, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. He was entranced by her voice; his personal siren calling only to him, hypnotizing him. He watched as she effortlessly swayed, interacting with the other musicians she shared the stage with. She was completely in her element, no sense of anxiety or nervousness written in her complexion or any of her bandmates. She acknowledged the audience only a few times, graciously accepting their applause and smiling at Sam when he waved excitedly at her, only to flit her eyes around the rest of the table, pausing when she finally landed on Jake.
His breath caught again and he could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. For a fleeting moment, they were the only two in the dimly lit bar.
All he could do was stare, and she held his eyes for longer than what would be deemed comfortable, but it seemed as though she couldn’t bring her eyes away from his, either. Only when she heard a familiar cue did she drop his heated gaze, returning to her revelry-like state as the band began another song.
Jake caught himself blinking a few times in an effort to try to bring himself back to reality. He glanced briefly at his brothers sitting with him and cursed under his breath when he noticed all three of them already looking his way, knowing smiles evident on each of their lips. He was still clueless to the fact that they had been observing him all night long, not noticing Sam when he leaned over to whisper to Daniel or Josh, “I told you so!”
The set was about 45 minutes long, giving 15 minutes until the open mic started. An older man hopped onto the stage once the band was done, saying that there were still plenty of spots available and that the sign-up sheet was taped over on the bar. The four brothers were still huddled around the table when Sam popped up quickly to announce he was going to get them all another round, which none of them objected to, before hurrying over to the bar.
It was hard for Jake to turn off the voice in his head that was begging and pleading him to go back to the safety of his home, but he had to admit that listening to her sing had been well worth his time. And although he groaned at the thought of listening to whatever “nonsense” was going to be played at the open mic, there was no way he would turn down the opportunity to have the chance to talk to her once her and the rest of her band finished packing up their instruments.
9 o’clock rolled around, fresh drinks arriving on the table as the brothers talked amongst themselves; it had been far too long since Jake had caught up with them. He learned about the upcoming movie Josh would be working on in the next couple months, always excited to hear his twin talk about something he was so passionate about. The first couple of acts had played their songs, none of them horrible but none of them garnering any of their attention, all too engrossed in each other's company.
Jake was right in the middle of hearing about the most recent tournament Daniel had been involved in when he heard his name being called.
“Jacob Kiszka and Y/f/n Y/l/n, come on down!”
What the fuck?
He panicked as he looked between his brothers, darting his eyes between them until he landed on the culprit, Sam. Of course it was Sam; his little brother was known for getting them into all types of trouble, saying that it was always easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. “Plus,” he would always say, “you guys have to admit that was pretty fun.”
Sam was already beaming, not faltering when Jake gritted at him through his teeth,
“You motherfucker, what did you do?”
All Sam did was shrug and gesture towards Jake’s guitar case, not intimidated in the slightest by Jake’s blinding rage.
I can’t play with her, let alone begin to think about what we could play together- His mind was running a mile a minute as he glanced between his guitar and Sam, cursing his brother to the high heavens.
Finally, Josh clapped his twin on the back and whispered, “Don’t you know it’s rude to keep a lady waiting?”
He finally looked to the stage where she already stood, a sheepish smile evident across her mouth as she waited for him to make up his mind.
How did she know it was me?
He then looked around the bar, noticing many eyes on him and a hush falling upon the crowd in preparation.
Oh, idiot, she recognized your last name. She works with Sam.
Turning back to the stage, he saw that the drummer was seated behind her kit, and there was an older man picking up his upright bass that had been gently laying on its side, plucking the strings and tuning it ever so slightly.
Jake squeezed his eyes shut and let out a deep sigh before opening them, bending over to grab his guitar case as he stood from his chair. Delighted applause erupted from the patrons of the bar, making him wince, and before he made his way over to the stage, he made it a point to menacingly tower over Sam who was still seated, grabbing the collar of his shirt and whispering a curt “We will talk about this later.”
He let go of Sam’s shirt with a little force, his brother laughing at him and cheering him on, knowing Jake’s threat was completely empty.
Jake had to take a few calming breaths, in through his nose and out through his mouth, just like Josh taught him. He stalked towards the small stage, knuckles surely white from how tightly he was gripping the handle of his guitar case. He was all too aware of the eyes on him; he was used to performing and others watching him do so, but he always performed solo and on his terms. This was new territory for him, and it had his nerves blazing.
Her eyes followed him as he climbed the couple of steps, and he met her gaze and gave her a shy smile as he passed behind her to the unoccupied side of the stage. He made quick work of unpacking, silently thanking his lucky stars that something had told him to bring his acoustic rather than electric. He plugged it into the amp that was sitting behind him, and continued to crouch with his back to the audience as he tuned his guitar quietly. Fortunately, those sitting out in the bar had begun to talk amongst themselves, effectively helping his nerves settle ever so slightly.
As he stood, he looked to the other musicians, nodding to the drummer as she sent him a sweet smile, and the bassist who gave him a jovial thumbs up. He could feel the corners of his mouth turn upwards as he finally faced her.
She was standing in front of the mic, neck turned to watch him make his way to the front of the stage, a grin still on her face but accompanied with an expectant, raised eyebrow.
Oh shit, that’s right. What are we going to play?
He paused once he reached the front of the stage, taking a moment to look between the musicians again, racking his brain as to what would fit their instrumentation best but better yet, what would do her voice justice.
A smirk found his lips as he settled on a suggestion, feeling much more confident now that he had an idea. Jake found his feet taking him to her without a second thought, closing the short space that distanced them. She turned her body towards him, welcoming him with a warm smile, eager to hear what he was going to offer.
Only once he was truly in her presence did his nerves take the reins again. Her beauty was evident when he observed her from the crowd, but seeing her this up close was something else. His heart hammered in his chest once more as he realized that he got to hear her sing again, and better yet, got to hear her voice sing along with him. He let go of the neck of his guitar, the strap snug across his back, and wiped his clammy hands against his faded jeans in a gesture that could only suggest how anxious he truly was.
Say something, damnit.
“Hi,” his voice cracked.
Shoot me now.
“Hey,” she chuckled out, thankfully not noting his aura of insecurity. She glanced to take a look at his guitar, his hands still resting on his thighs, and then brought her eyes to meet him again. He shifted his weight between his feet; why did she make him feel like a hormone-ridden teenager talking to a girl for the first time? His lips parted to speak again but was interrupted by her bringing her face closer to his, leaning to whisper in his ear,
“Seems like you have a song in mind.”
She retracted her head to stand upright before the mic stand once again, an expectant, but patient, look upon her face.
Jake cleared his throat before leaning in to softly say,
“Yeah, you know Lilac Wine?”
Her face flushed and she beamed an earth-stopping smile as she whispered back,
“Jeff Buckley or Nina Simone?”
“Can you play piano?”
She smirked and shook her head, “Not like Nina.”
He chuckled softly, “Me neither.”
“Jeff Buckely it is, then.”
He backed away from her, inclining his head in confirmation, before making his way back to the drummer, asking her if the song was to her liking and she nodded excitedly, switching her drumsticks out for a pair of brushes.
Y/n had gone over to the bassist, and he watched as the bassist put his hand on his chest, hopefully a sign of how much he loved the song. Jake looked between all the musicians, making his way back to his spot on the stage, saying loud enough just for the bassist to hear, “G Major.” The bassist winked, leaning his bass against his hip.
Jake watched as she made her way back to the front, only after exchanging a quick glance to her friend at the drums, the bassist, and then directing her stare to him. She gave him a slow nod, indicating that she was ready and waiting for Jake to begin.
He fixed his attention back front, and took a deep breath as the crowd hushed, watching with bated breath for the music to begin.
Jake inhaled deeply, exhaling as he strummed the one, solitary chord. And then he heard her voice.
“I lost myself on a cool, damp night,”
Jake heard a few whistles of exclamation from the crowd which caused a slight smile to form on his lips as he played the next, slow chord,
“I gave myself in that misty light,”
He couldn’t help but shift his position to face her, only to realize that she already watched him, her head turned just enough so she could still sing into the microphone.
“Was hypnotized by a strange delight,” she sang, a sultry smirk gracing her lips as the lyrics came out,
“Under a lilac tree.”
Jake watched her with rapt attention, knowing that it was his cues she was waiting for, and even though his heart was racing in his chest just by the fact that she was staring at him, he wouldn’t let that hinder his performance.
His strumming picked up as she sang the next couple lines, her voice seeming to rumble through the speakers as she sang the line before the chorus,
“Because, it brings me back you,”
Jake turned to the bassist and gave a cue, letting him know it was time for him to join even though he was sure he already knew that. The rhythm section set the perfect slow, sleepy tempo to paint the mood of the song, and Jake felt overjoyed to be in the company of such talented musicians. It had been a long time since he played with others, and he forgot how great it felt to collaborate.
The four musicians were feeding off of each other's energy, the song going off without a hitch considering he didn’t know them at all. He locked eyes with his mystery girl, y/n, he remembered, for the majority of the song, her voice tugging at his heart strings and filling the air with nearly palpable warmth. He knew the song would sit perfectly in her register, but he couldn’t have imagined how beautiful it truly sounded coming from her lips. Her voice would stay with him for a long time; he had never heard a voice quite as unique as hers.
He had to play with her again.
~~~~~~
The song finished all too quickly. Jake had completely forgotten about the audience he stood before, completely enthralled by her voice and the musicians he was playing alongside. Only until he heard Sam’s cheers cut through the applause was he brought back to the moment, focusing his gaze forward to the sea of clapping hands.
For once, he didn’t have to fake the smile that graced his face. In fact, he didn’t have to think about it at all. Jake was beaming, graciously nodding to the patrons of the bar before his eyes landed on his brothers, clapping excitedly and more obnoxiously than anybody else. It was Josh he lingered on though, his twin giving him a smile that seemed to absolve every insecurity, every heavy weight plaguing him. Before Jake knew it, he was placing his hand over his heart, hoping to convey the immense gratitude he had for his brother, Josh mirroring the action not a moment later.
Jake ripped his gaze away from his band of brothers and turned to the musicians he just played with, all of them eagerly meeting in the middle of the stage to congratulate each other on a job well done. The drummer, he learned, was named Caitlyn, and she gave him a celebratory firm whack on the back that made him chuckle. The bassist introduced himself as Max and instructed Jake to find him later so they could exchange information. “I can tell you’re a talented kid; it’s not very often I meet a guitarist who truly knows his guitar like the back of his hand,” Max had said, shaking Jake’s hand with a vice-like grip.
Jake turned to Y/n to say something, anything, but as he opened his mouth he heard the next band called out over the mic, effectively ushering them off stage. Her eyes twinkled, though, and she grasped his shoulder as she inclined her head over to the bar, silently asking him to meet her there. He gave her a shallow nod, not able to keep himself from smiling at her.
Jake scampered off stage, leaving Y/n to talk with her band as he went over to the table where his brothers sat, waiting for his return. Once Sam saw him approaching, he leapt up off his chair, bringing his brother into an excited embrace that Jake was not all too eager to reciprocate.
“Oh come onnnnn, you can’t still be mad at me! We all saw you up there!” Sam laughed out, still clutching Jake’s shoulders.
Jake rolled his eyes, once again not able to hide the smile that was on his face, “Watch me.”
Danny clapped for him from his seated position at the table, giving Jake the most genuine smile he’d received since his fight with him, saying “Brilliant, as always.” Jake shrugged it off, all too aware of the words that continued to be unspoken, but still feeling that this was not his opportunity to apologize. Finally, Josh stood from the table, placing a hand between Jake’s shoulder blades.
“I think you found it, brother.”
Glancing into Josh’s eyes, he felt all of the words his twin didn’t need to say out loud. All he could do was nod. He agreed; even though he was mere accompaniment, it hadn’t felt that good to play his guitar in a very long time. The feeling of adrenaline, of pride in his abilities, had been lost for months, and he forgot just how addicting the feeling of his calloused fingers against the steel strings could be. Maybe his passion was starting to come back, and it sent a pang to his heart to know that Josh had somehow seen that from the 10 minutes he spent on the stage.
Jake glanced over to the bar, seeing Y/n casually chatting with the bartender. Josh followed his gaze, dropping his hand away from his brother's back and returned to his seat. Jake took a deep breath, trying to figure out what he was going to say, not registering that he was already making his way over to the bar. In the distance, he heard Sam yell, “Jakey! She likes gin!” but all he could do was give his little brother a dismissive wave of his hand from over his shoulder.
He grinned to himself, logging away the bit of information. Don’t meet too many gin fans these days.
“So, Jacob,” she said, swirling her straw around the glass of her gin and tonic. His name tumbling from her lips felt like a bolt of lightning through his system.
His smile was bashful as he glanced down at his own drink, trying to keep his composure as he assured that she could call him ‘just Jake.’ Their conversation flowed effortlessly; he learned all about her band and the members within it, as well as how she could handle Sam as her boss. She asked him a multitude of questions, as well, but he couldn’t think about himself at the moment. Any chance he had to think about his own life sent his mind swirling in a downward spiral, so he would deflect the question back to her, genuinely interested in the words she had to say. He found out that she, too, was from the Midwest, both of them commiserating about the heat before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Jake turned around to see an older man, probably in his 50s, standing behind him, a knowing smile on his face that immediately put Jake at ease.
“Jacob, right? I’m Robert,” he held out his hand, Jake quickly taking it into a handshake, his eyes wide.
Why the hell is the owner talking to me?
“I heard you play, you have a really great sound. You a solo musician?”
Jake flickered his eyes between Robert, Y/n, and then over to the table where his brothers sat, before responding, “Yeah, I mostly do solo shows,” he beamed, "It’s really nice to meet you, Robert. I’ve heard so much about this place, it’s great.”
Robert laughed as he thanked Jake, the older man asking a few more questions about Jake’s situation as Y/n sat and listened, a lopsided smirk on her lips.
“Well, Jacob, I’d love to have you regularly play at the bar. The crowd seemed to love your sound, as did I,” he said, pulling out a business card from his back pocket. “Please feel free to email me if you’re interested.”
Jake blinked a couple times before gently taking the card from Robert's hands. He heard about many great musicians passing through this bar; it was a family-owned place, ownership being passed down from generation to generation, helping artists get off the ground and into the spotlight. Jake met Robert’s eyes again, smiling from ear to ear as he shook the man's hand once more, thanking him and assuring him that he’d be hearing from Jake very soon.
Once Robert walked away, Y/n chimed in, “He’s a really good guy, but doesn’t interact with a lot of people much. From what I know, he hardly invites anyone to play here. You should count yourself lucky.” She winked at him, a smile evident on her face before bringing her straw to her lips.
“Your band plays here all the time, did Robert contact you guys?”
“Nope,” she shook her head, “he’s friends with Jen’s dad. Her dad called in a favor, got us our first gig here. Thankfully, everyone liked our music enough that we were invited back.”
Almost as if she were summoned, Jen called Y/n’s name from across the bar, beckoning her over and signifying that the band was heading out.
Y/n turned back to Jake with an apologetic look, “Looks like it’s my time.”
Jake gave a soft smile, glancing at his watch and realizing that already an hour had gone by, the open mic long abandoned. He flickered his eyes back up to hers, “When can I hear you sing again?”
He felt the air leave his lungs as he watched her blush at his words, but she regained her composure quickly before holding out her palm. She was so sure of herself, an air of confidence around her that he was envious of. If she had any insecurities, she would never let the world know.
“Can I have your phone?”
“Sure,” he fumbled around for it in his pocket, “what for?”
Her smile only grew at his oblivious question, “So I can give you my number. Maybe you can call me and ask when our next gig is,” she wiggled an eyebrow as she added her number to his contacts.
“There,” placing his phone back in his grasp, “don’t be a stranger.” In a gesture that was over before it began, she leaned in close and gave him a chaste peck on his cheek before sliding off her bar stool and making her way through the crowd.
He sat and watched her as she greeted her friends, completely dumbfounded. He’d lost track of how many times she had stolen his breath that night, and as he glanced down at his phone that lay waiting in his palm, he brought his other hand to faintly stroke where her lips had grazed his cheek.
Jake’s heart faltered.
Lilac.
To be continued....
taglist: @joopsworld @gold-mines-melting @shutupdevvie @indigostreakmorgan @sacredjake @malany-gvf @writingcold @mountain-in-springtime @anthemofgvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @songbirds-sweet @katelynn-gvf
#after two months it's finally here!!!!#jake kiszka#jake kiszka gvf#jake kiszka fanfic#jake kiszka x reader#greta van fleet#greta van fleet fic#gvf#josh kiszka#danny wagner#sam kiszka#iz fics
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✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨
Tagged by @rosabellebelieve and oh girl. Ain't nobody ready for these stats LOL. Uh oh. Also, I've removed all collab fics for purposes of this, as it doesn't really seem fair since I only wrote, like, half of them lmao.
Words and Fics
268,626 words in 2023 (mother of god)
52 fics on AO3 (dear christ)
I'm not even counting Tumblr ficlets, oh god, don't make me
Top 5 Pairings
💚🖤Jack/Darby (24) (NUMBER ONE???? how tho)
🧡🖤Hook/Danhausen (23)
💚🧡Jack/Hook (5)
🔮🍑Julia/Anna (4)
🧡🎤Max Caster/Hook (3) & 🧡🍊Orange/Hook (3) (HAHAHAHAHA)
Top 5 by kudos
i found love where it wasn't supposed to be (right in front of me) [Hookhausen]
man of lesser words [Hookhausen]
don't need a cure for love [Orange/Hook]
baby please (would you read my eulogy) [JungleCorpse]
you're the realest thing i've never had to fake [Hookhausen]
Top 5 by hits
baby please (would you read my eulogy) [JungleCorpse]
i found love where it wasn't supposed to be (right in front of me) [Hookhausen]
now you know how i feel [Hookhausen]
Weekend in Fresno: or, a Hook choose your own dating adventure [Hook/everyone]
threat level: euclid [HH, JC, SP]
Fandom Events in 2023
I made it to a wrestling show! Since they never go near me and my life is what it is, I really can't manage more than one a year, and I've got to be lucky to get that to work, but this was a big deal and I'm so happy that I could make it happen!
ALSO I MADE UP A FUCKING PAIRING AND GOT IT TO THE #1 FOR BOTH PARTIES INVOLVED you know what this counts as an event LMAOOOOO i'm thinking no one should actually have this power
Upcoming Projects
If I ever stop bemoaning my perceived lack of skill, I've got 2/3 of a fic that Vamp prompted dialogue for, largely me writing something fluffy and saccharine because she was trying to write smut and we were both trying to write out of our wheelhouses lol
Writing reflection
Well! 2023 was quite a year, honestly. I was going to be like OH HOLY SHIT about my word count but when I took our collabs, it dropped so fast, so that's good, I guess (???). I'm still so happy I discovered wrestling, because it's been easily 12 years since I had this amount of creativity for a single fandom. And this year I really stretched out and started writing new stuff within the wrestling fandom! That's exciting (depending what you followed me for, I suppose LOL).
But more than anything else, this year I looked at what I wanted to write and said, FUCK IT, I'M WRITING IT. And I started dropping horror shit I fully expected that no one would read, because I didn't think people came to fandom for spooky stuff??? And lo and behold, y'all really showed up for those fics! I'm forever grateful you saw me writing absolutely batshit horror and were like yes, Katy, we will also read this creepfest. So much love.
I also tried to write more smut, which I am not particularly adept at, and also some darker themes. I do try to write lighthearted things, haha, but my own mental state has been not stellar, and I think that tends to come out in my fics. And I started writing femslash, which this fandom needs so much more of! So. All in all, a real banger year for me in fandom. I'm pretty proud of a LOT of the fics I wrote this year.
And, obviously, 2023 would not be complete with me mentioning that Vamp and I produced an epic shit ton of words together, and MORE IMPORTANTLY had an absolute blast in doing so. What a whirlwind writing together has been!!! I think we've really gotten to this point of just great flow, and I'm super proud of how we work so well like we do. We DO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE COMING but we've been "planning" it since August and haven't written it yet, so HAHAHA. Anyway. Expect that in 2025, or something. ;)
Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.
Tagging: @whysamwhy123 @meeplanguage @fille-lioncelle and anyone else who wants to take a stab at this!
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THE EDGE
“...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who’ve gone over.” - Hunter S. Thompson, Hell’s Angels
Summary: A part of the deal to freedom included a stay at Pennhurst. It’ll take everything to keep the hope that one day the locked doors will open, the windows will no longer have bars that block the view, and that one day, the name Eddie Munson will be synonymous with the word ‘innocent’. The hope, he never realised, would also come to be synonymous with your name.
Chapter: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4
Pairing: Eddie Munson x reader
Word count: 3.9k
Warnings: angst, heavy themes of inpatient treatment/hospitalisation, heavy themes of mental health, institutional deprivation of liberties, body injuries, mentions of suicidal ideation, themes of institutional abuse, can be a dark read (continue with that in mind, look after yourselves), canon divergence, Eddie survives the demobat attack, post-S4 timeline, slow burn romance, eventual smut, 18+, eventual fluff, there will be a happy ending
AN: Chapter three is finally here! Many thanks to my lovely boyfriend @mantorokk-writes for test reading and making the header, I'm forever in love with you <3 This series is gonna be a slow work in progress, but thank you for reading so far! Really excited to see where it's gonna go, and how we're gonna get these two out of this pickle. Enjoy!
Taglist: @edsforehead, @idkidknemore, @harrys-tittie, @gaysludge, @smileygoth
A congealed lump of what was apparently mac and cheese, boiled to death vegetables and bitter orange juice. Eddie had become used to shit food long ago, thanks to a lifetime of only buying the cheapest non-brand groceries to try and save costs. But this… This was something else. Fuck, he was surprised it even passed the mark for being fit for human consumption. It reminded him of the stories his old man used to tell about prison food, about how the trick was to eat it without thinking too much, barely savouring the taste before you swallowed. The similarity getting stuck in his throat.
But at least he wasn’t eating his meals in silence anymore. With you sitting opposite him, filling any dead air with talking about the hospital gossip, though he’d given up on trying to follow along after the first apparent affair taking place. But the content didn’t matter. For the first time in so long, maybe even longer than he realised, you had offered him a seat to get out of trouble with no motive behind the action. Had given him his own pack of cigarettes after swindling one from an orderly just before lunch started, the one that seemed to stare at your chest more than your eyes, putting yourself at risk for no gain of your own. It was exceedingly rare to find people that would do something out of the goodness of their hearts, and the question was rattling around his head with such a velocity that it tumbled from his lips before he even realised.
“Why are you doing this?”
Even he internally winced at the lack of warmth in his tone, making it sound more like an accusation than a question. But if it offended you, you didn’t act as if it bothered you. Instead, the corners of your lips twitched upwards, eyes drifting from your tray to his own as you tilted your head.
“What’dya mean?”
Giving himself a few needed seconds to reframe the words in his head with taking a sip of his drink, he swirled the contents of the paper cup, deciding to stare down into it rather than look up. “I mean, why are you helping me? You don’t know me.”
From the very quick glance upwards he chanced, there seemed to be something there that was bittersweet. Eyes slightly widened, mouth downturned, yet an ever so slight huff of a laugh as you balled up a serviette in your hands. “Trust me, I know how it feels to be the new guy on the wing. The way the others look at you like you’re a fuckin’ chew toy?”
He’d noticed the way the other patients stared, when the steel door behind him slammed shut. Some didn’t even look over, too caught up in their own internal world. But there’s a certain feeling that can overcome a person when they’re accustomed to having to be on high alert at all times. A certain flash of the eyes that makes your stomach churn, blood pooling to your feet and your mind telling you to run. You studied his face for a moment, a sympathetic smile briefly twitching at your lips.
“I had someone look out for me too, when I first got here,” you explained, the paper in your hand now being twisted and toyed with as you spoke. “She uh… Her name was Patty. She was this take no shit kinda woman. Taught me the best way to curb the hunger was smoking cigarettes, which orderlies would give pretty girls special treatment, which patients to never go near. That sorta useful shit.”
Though you smiled, it didn’t reach your downcast eyes. “She got sick last year. Didn’t say much about it, but it took a toll on her. It finally got her a couple of months back. And you know what the worst thing was about it?”
Plenty of what you were saying was ‘the worst thing’. Being caught on the wrong side of a power dynamic, having to go hungry because nobody cared, patients having to be caregivers because God forbid those that actually got paid to do it actually did their fucking jobs for once. All of those answers dying on his tongue, replaced with a slow shake of his head.
“Nobody came to see her in the end,” you muttered, brows furrowing as your voice cracked. “She told me she had a son, told me the doctors called him and told him, but he never came. I get it, I mean, not many of us have the luxury of seeing people from the outside… But she was on her fucking deathbed, y’know?”
When your eyes finally met his, glossy with unshed tears that you seemed so determined to never let overspill, there was a look to you that made all the pieces click together. Made the parts of him that he’d kept buried away for self preservation start to rise back to the surface. Taking a firm grasp of his heart and squeezing for good measure.
The look of pure fear.
The fear that one day, both of you would end up like Patty. Untethered to the world outside, cast adrift with the other lost souls. Taking the last few rattled breaths with nobody around to hear them, looking up to the sky and the view still blocked with bars. Nobody with spare change for the ferryman, forever stuck.
“I’m sorry.” It was all he could think to say, no other words seeming quite right. The tone as hollow as he felt, as shaky as the tremors in his hands that never quite seemed to go away. All he could think to say, but the truth. He was sorry you were here, if your proclaimed innocence was to be believed. He was sorry for himself too, deep down.
“It’s whatever,” you replied, clearing your throat as you tried and failed to staple the look of nonchalance back on your face with a half decent result. “Anyway, don’t worry about your first therapy session, alright? I got it covered.”
He shot you a small look of incredulity, head tilted to the side as he followed your lead in piling used napkins and cutlery onto his meal tray. “What’dya mean?”
The smile you gave him next was finally a genuine one, a glimmer in your eye that could only mean mischief.
“You’ll see.”
~
You could see the stress levels that you tried so desperately to lower over lunch to begin raising as you and Eddie filed into the day room for group therapy. How his jaw clenched so hard you were surprised he didn’t break enamel, a shortening fuse near a naked flame as he took his seat next to you. Leg bouncing with beats akin to a hummingbird’s heart, chewing at the skin around his ruined nails with eyesight dancing around the room to end up on the tile right in front of him. You couldn’t blame him; he was walking into the unknown, with no idea where the hell he would end up. You remembered the feeling well.
Others clad in the same off white uniform as you took their respective seats around you, the energy in the room a palpable, frantic buzz. Nerves, apathy, distaste and mocking. You could feel it all, see it in the faces around you that you’d come to know in the years that you’d been imprisoned. Small naked flames, that could be as harmless as a match or as intense as thermite. The day could go either way. And it would depend on the questions posed to them.
Dr. Madden made his way through the doors, adjusting the thick horned rimmed glasses that permanently perched on his beak-like nose as he took his seat. You’d never liked him; he was nosy, even for a psychiatrist, always putting two and two together to end up with an equation that made no fucking sense. Nothing could ever be simple, in his eyes. Someone’s violent outburst had some convoluted reasoning to do with Daddy issues and not being hugged enough as a child, rather than someone just needing a fucking cigarette and not being given one. It took everything within you not to roll your eyes into the back of your skull as he cleared his throat to begin.
“Good afternoon everyone,” he began, eyes settling over each patient for a brief second before focusing on Eddie. “We’re welcoming a new person into the wing today. Have you had any sort of therapy like this before, Mr. Munson?”
Eddie’s reply was a brief shake of his head, glance not leaving the cracks of the floor as he fiddled with the split ends of his hair. Madden’s bushy eyebrow raised a fraction as he sat himself slightly forward. “Well, we start with a brief check in. How we’re feeling, what we’d like to talk about in today’s session. Perhaps you could start us off? You seem nervous today.”
You couldn’t hold back a scoff, the psychiatrist’s beady eyes narrowing on you as you fished through your pockets for your pack of cigarettes. The look on his face evident that he wasn’t amused at your perceived insolence to his ‘therapeutic process’. He could shove that process where the sun didn’t shine, as far as you were concerned.
“He’s a newbie, of course he’s gonna be nervous,” you shrugged, waving over an orderly with a lighter, who seemed to be watching you with ever so slight trepidation as he ignited the flame that you used to puff life into your cigarette. Huffing out an exhale of smoke that was aimed in his direction. “Bit of a redundant question, isn’t it?”
Madden was a tough nut to crack, but you’d managed to get the veins in his neck bulging a couple of times. You just needed to know which buttons to press, and it seemed you hit one with a jab to his reasoning. “I don’t find it redundant at all,” he answered with a smile slightly too smug for your liking. “But if you think that an example of a check in could help, maybe you could go first instead?”
You took a sharp inhale as you gave a grimace of indifference, face scrunched up as you jerked your head towards an older lady that seemed on the edge of her seat to talk. “Why don’t you get Miriam to do it? From what I remember, she was just starting to open up about her fucker of an ex husband.”
Was using another patient’s anger, something you knew got them started into an hour long tangent until they were red in the face unethical? Maybe. But it was every man for himself out here, and you didn’t have anything akin to backup in the process. As expected, the woman launched into a tirade, screechings which contained the words “useless bastard” and “should have divorced him before he did it to me!” melding into the background as you shot a smug smirk in Madden’s direction. To his credit, he was hiding his distaste well, his only giveaway the slight flush creeping above his collar.
For most of the session, you managed to evade the heat from coming towards you and Eddie. A few more prods to Miriam, staying silent when the psychiatrist asked if anyone else had anything to add. A question to old man Hardy about the house he got kicked out from before being transferred, each person being used like a shield to hide from the questions you knew Madden had for you. You knew you were fucked from the moment he put his hand up to cut off Duane about his teenage trauma prematurely, eyes fixed on you as he sat back in his chair.
“Does Duane’s story resonate with you?” he asked with a heightened pitch of voice, head slightly tilted as his lips twitched upwards. It caused your back to straighten, knowing full well where he was going with this. Somewhere you swore never to go back to, ever since the nightmares ever so slightly decreased and the flashing images weren’t permanently burned into the back of your eyelids.
“No.”
The words reverberated around clenched teeth, knuckles turned white as you gripped the cracked pleather of the cushion you sat on. Out of your peripheral vision, you saw Eddie staring at you with a slight questioning to his glance, and it made your gut twist even more. You hated how suddenly the tentative power dynamic had switched. How your already lacking control was going to spiral even further, if Madden willed it.
“I think it might, though,” the good doctor continued, the slight smirk being poorly hidden as his head tilted to the side. “You had a lot happen when you were eighteen, didn’t you? When you made the choice to-”
“I’m not going to talk about it,” you snapped back, folding your arms as a poorly constructed buffer between you and the man opposite. Your eyes glanced at the clock on the wall, a slight ease of tension as you realised the time. “Not with only five minutes left of the session.”
“But you’re going to have to talk about it sooner or later,” he countered, daring to look slightly sympathetic as he regarded you. “You’ve been here two years, and you’ve never talked about that night. It doesn’t show much progress, now does it?”
You wanted to stand up, pick up your chair, and crash it over the top of his head. How the fuck would he know what ‘progress’ you’d been making? How much work you’d had to put into yourself, rationalising and justifying everything about the night that changed the path of your life, so much that you probably could never step foot on the original trail if you tried. How you still tortured yourself with what you could have done differently, the actions that you did take haunting you like spectres? Madden knew nothing of how often you’d dragged yourself off the precipice time and time again, nothing but bloody fingernails and a quickly ebbing will to live, as you weighed up the decisions of falling asleep to never wake up again against staying alive to do everything in your power to clear the stain on your name.
To Madden’s credit, he didn’t push further. Letting the silence hang in the air, perhaps a non-verbal push that might get you talking. It might have worked, once upon a time. When you had no secrets to hide, too worried about what others thought, wanting to please people so much that it deprived you of happiness. But that was before you were branded a psycho, tossed into this place with the key thrown away. Now, you couldn’t give a shit about what others thought.
Except, there was a way your stomach dropped when you looked over to see the way Eddie looked at you. Not with disgust or horror, which you were used to by now. There was slight concern in his eyes, mixed with empathy, the combination making you want to squirm in your seat. You didn’t even know each other, yet his humanity seemed to still be intact for now, seeing another person clearly struggling and not being able to do anything about it.
You decided to stare at the clock on the wall for the rest of the session, filtering out all other noises and focusing on watching the minute hand strike closer and closer until time was up.
As you put away chairs, you expected Eddie to ask you about it. Maybe try to pry, or get answers for questions that could be in his own mind. But he didn’t. He stayed silent as you both wandered back to the table you met at, sitting down with him wordlessly reaching for the deck of cards in the middle and starting to shuffle. And silent you stayed. Going through the motions of a routine you knew too well; free time, ‘music’ therapy - as if listening to the same vinyl of Bach twice a week for two years would do anything other than make you want to smash your head against the chipped white walls. Dinner consisting of a brick of so-called ‘meatloaf’ that you knew well enough to avoid even attempting to eat, settling for tasteless vegetables and vaguely lime flavoured Jell-o instead.
Even silent when the orderly Nguyen told you to haul ass to the laundry room for work placement, and to take your new ‘friend’ with you. You were brought out of the routine of folding sheets when you heard Eddie clear his throat, looking up to see him slightly rattled as he sorted various clothing into separate piles.
“Hey uh… You don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna, but… Thanks. For today.” You saw the corners of his lips twitch upwards, a ghost of a smile as his eyeline landed on the messy stack of undershirts. “Didn’t have to stick your neck out of me, but you did. Appreciate it.”
You mustered the leftover social energy you had to lift your shoulders into a slight shrug, rubbing the back of your head whilst the other hand took your weight as you leaned slightly on the table. “It’s nothing. Sorry for not being so talkative I just… Still don’t wanna talk about why I’m here, y’know?”
A curt nod was his reply at first, lips a narrow line and eyes darting around as if he was thinking hard about something. Finally glancing towards the door, then around the room, as if to make double sure that what he was about to say wouldn’t be overheard. He looked panicked; either a deer in the headlights or a lion ready to defend itself, you weren’t sure.
“They said I killed people.”
It was so quiet you barely picked up on it, and you had to admit, it took you aback. There was an initial flight or flight reaction that doused your autonomic system, as if his words set off a red light in your head and you had to start looking for an improvised weapon. However, that was pure instinct, only for a second before logic took over. For someone who was apparently a killer, he certainly did look hollow about it all. Besides. Those in glass houses…
“Did you do it?” you mumbled back, eyes leaving his to take the pressure of both of you, hands busying themselves with folding the now grey sheet in front of you, toying with the frayed corner to try and conceal it in the fold somehow.
“No.”
You found yourself at a precipice. He had stuck his neck out to tell you his charge, not knowing if you’d stick around or bolt and leave him on his own again. It was a sign of trust; an olive branch, that you could either accept or leave hanging between you. You had only known Eddie a day. Less than that, maybe seven hours, tops. But so far, he seemed to have his wits about him. He didn’t strike you as the judgemental type. He didn’t pry, and he tried to distract you when you were at your lowest, instead of offering useless advice or forcing you to open up. When you looked up at him, there was no hint of deceit that you could tell. He was staring at you with those intense eyes of his, an expression reading both ‘I’m telling the truth’ and ‘dear God, I hope you fucking believe me’.
For so long, you had wanted reinforcements in this place so badly. To not fight alone, to have backup. In the outside world, no way would you trust someone this fast. But this was Pennhearst. A place with different rule sets. You needed to take the help wherever it came from, and hope it didn’t blow back in your face later.
You needed to give him something in return.
You didn’t falter with eye contact as you said the words you thought you’d never say. The words that made your stomach churn, made you want to flinch as you said them. “They said I killed people, too.”
You saw the look on his face to be one of bewilderment, eyes scanning you up and down as if he’d never seen you before. You wondered if that’s what you’d looked like not five seconds ago, mirroring each other as you confessed your sins. “Did you do it?”
“No.”
The crease between his eyebrows seemed to smooth, after what felt like hours of staring at each other, the only other sounds the rhythmic knocking of the decrepit industrial dryers. It was you who finally broke the silence, busying yourself again with grabbing the pile of undershirts near you by the bottom and pulling it towards you to begin folding. “I don’t expect you to believe me. And if you don’t want me to know about what happened, I’m not gonna push it.” You shook your head as you frowned at the fabric in your hands.
“Why do you believe me? When I say I didn’t do it?”
You glanced back up at him to find a worried expression on his face, staring at you like he couldn’t quite believe you. As if it was too good to be true, to finally be believed. You wracked your brain for an answer, only to shrug and say the first thing on your mind. “Because guilty people don’t look so frightened of their consequences. I suppose on a subconscious level, they know they deserve the hell they created for themselves.”
You heard a sound which you figured to be a sharp exhale of air through his nose, most likely an attempt at a wry laugh. “You don’t look frightened.”
Your lips turned downward as you frowned again. “You get good at hiding it after a while, I guess.”
You heard your name being called, so softly that your heart nearly shattered. Not your last name being barked out with disdain, or in a patronising tone like a shrink would. It was said like somebody actually gave a shit. You looked up to be met with a look that was one of genuine concern, his eyebrows furrowed and lips slightly parted as if he was wondering what to say.
It was getting too intense for your liking.
Shaking your head as you cleared your throat, you flashed a tight smile as your folding became hurried. “Finish that pile quick, yeah? Orderlies hit the roof when you don’t finish your chores on time.”
To his credit, Eddie didn’t push it. The rest of the time being filled with small talk and comfortable silences, until your names were called to be taken back to your room for the night. The motions of getting ready to bed had become mechanical a long time ago, on autopilot as you brushed your teeth and changed clothes. Hearing the call for lights out, and getting plunged into darkness against your will. You knew that first checks were in an hour.
You had sixty minutes to cry to yourself about finally being seen, about not being treated like a criminal that deserved the way you were being treated. Hugging the pillow to your face and willing yourself not to be making a sound, clutching the cheap cotton between your fingers as if your life depended on it. Sixty minutes until you needed to shove the emotions back down, and face tomorrow, same as you always did.
Same as you always did, but at least you had someone on your side.
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson imagine#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things imagine#stranger things x you#eddie munson self insert#stranger things self insert
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Could you possibly write about slenderman's ghost s/o trying to make the mansion festive for Halloween bc they're really excited for the holiday and never experienced it before? They have a list and everything as soon as they learn about the custom-
For instance, every room is decked out in decor totally not stolen, they make loads of themed treats, and try to engage the him and the proxies into doing multiple festive activities as well?
-slender anon <3 (sorry if this is too much exposition, tysm for all the cool writing)
Celebrating Halloween w/ Slenderman!
so so sorry for taking a a bit to get to this !! I meant to get this out tomorrow but I got distracted </3
still torn on if i want the mansion to exist in my au but for all intents and purposes we'll say it does for this >:)
i might make the mansion like, some abandoned creepy haunted house in universe, like the house from IT or Nightmare on Elm Street (i actually... dont remember if it gets abandoned or not in the later movies, its been a while since i watched the series..) or something something
yeah i think ill go with that for the mansion
anyways
enough rambling
Cue curious head tilts and questions from slenderman, he knows OF Halloween but he doesnt know all the ins and outs and intricacies when it comes to how its celebrated; best he knows is costumes and candy
initially watches you try to hang up all the decorations by yourself but eventually steps in to give you a hand
probably consults in you what basic Halloween traditions are, and probably also tries to ask the proxies if they know anything about it
i think outside of toby, the proxies don't really. remember much of their lives before becoming proxies, but that's because I'm basing my take on them off of the original MH where like, there's brain fog and the proxy/person are internally separate, but that's where inspiration from the original stuff ends; merging two fandoms together is. hard when the canon and fanon are so different
anyways
but also i never really like the creepypasta interpretation of masky and hoodie, at least from when i was in the fandom years back where they were shy and soft, but thats likely changed now- admittedly i dont interact with the fandom outside of creating
im rambling again, but i think masky and hoodie would also be a little lost but ready to do whatever they're told to do in regards to helping deck out the mansion
good news is that the mansion already looks like a spooky haunted house! especially on the outside since it's not as well kept as the inside
the inside is like what comes to mind when someone says old ass house; creaky wooden floors, shitty heating system, crawl spaces and compartments, that sort of thing. old enough that it would definitely have mold and rot, and be falling apart, if slenderman didnt come and keep it in tact
again, it already looks spooky enough as is, but decorations can really tie in the look
fake cobwebs, skeletons, spiders
oh those are real spiders
the mansion probably has spiders, slenderman cant do anything about the spiders sorry
okay anyways
treats! totally not stolen from some store by a teleporting entity that naturally distorts electronics! definitely not
he would make them with you, i think
i sometimes think about how slenderman would probably like calm and quiet activities, domestic ones included, so i think this is something he would actually end up loving especially with you around
learns he hates working with melted marshmallow, that shit is not banned from the mansion as well as marshmallow creme
he even gets those cute little halloween themed goodie bags so you can give them out
unfortunately he's going to have to pass, on account that he can't really eat any non-human meat food, but rest assured if he could safely eat your treats he would
Toby would be fucking that shit up, especially if you make those popcorn ball things. i feel like toby would love those. masky to me seems like a butterscotch haystack enjoyer to me (based), while hoodie fucks up those chocolate dipped pretzels, you know the ones that get decorated to look like mummies? those. he demolishes those (also based)
i kinda miss the popcorn balls tbh i havent had those in years but they were good from what i remember- i think i might make some this evening
moving on once more
if there's any extras slenderman may offer to take you around to give them to others
im still deciding character dynamics and relationships and who knows who in this funky au, but i feel like slenderman knows at least a handful of the other character. at least on a first name basis
so thats fun! you also get to share the joy with characters such as splendor and trender, and perhaps even jeff. i hc that eyeless jack and slender are both in the same forest but not like. buddy buddy. but he can get goodies too. ignore the fact jack is in the same boat as slender in terms of what he can and cant eat- he appreciates the gesture
now activities! i gotta admit i never really did halloween stuff outside of trick or treating; so im a little stumped on ideas
theres the obvious, pumpkin carving (the pumpkin insides get used to make more treats!), apple bobbing, and a few others
while not really a halloween game, you guys probably play a few games in the woods
thats
wait no thats terrifying, do not play hide and seek/tag with them in the woods regardless of if its night time and regardless of if youre a ghost, that shit actually sounds terrifying esp since i think slenderman and hoodie would get WAY TOO competitive
oh scary stories
definately
you insist on summoning ghosts and demons to fit the vibe
" but Dear, you're a gho-" "hush"
you guys accidentally summon one of the ghost creepypastas or something/j
you guys accidentally summon zalgo and halloween gets cancelled'j
idk if this is just a me thing but whenever me and my friends sit down to read creepypasta stories we get derailed and somehow end up reading fanfics and acting them out but i can see this happening as well; though this one also isnt a halloween exclusive activity
overall its a learning experience for most of you guys, and slenderman is totally up to humoring you again next year!
oh oh oh halloween costumes, how could i forget?
good luck trying to find something for slenderman, even if he could fit in anything he probably wouldnt dress up no matter how you try to word it
actually now that i think of it, do you think his suit is just part of his body? like ive seen loads of interpretations where it is; the shitty slenderman movie included. like is it a removeable suit? is it something that looks like a suit but its part of him? is it like a scp 049 situation where it is a suit but its attached to him?
im not getting into that today
masky and toby both dress up as classic slasher icons
hoodie probably would too but i got flashed with a vision of him dressed as pumpkin so im rolling with it
i think thats about everything! i hope you like this! this ended up way longer than i thought it would be but i fully blame that on me still being in my ramble mindset </3 ive been cooking up some major hcs for my au/interpretation as well as smaller stuff so my brain just wants to dump it TToTT
anyways
runs off to go draw spooky stuff (cough cough creepypastas dressed up in costumes)
#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x you#creepypasta#slenderman x reader#slenderman headcanons#slenderman imagine#creepypasta slenderman#creepypasta imagines
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Random shit I had or others had said as prompts.
Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of sus, dark humor(probably), dark themes(also probably), Sensitive topics
----------------------------
"Motherfucker is high on cat nip at the top."
"Imma just kick this fish then-"
"Let me sleep with you!"
"STOP CREAMING YOURSELF"
"Let me throw your child!"
"I smacked a bad guy's booty."
"That was a good ass slap!"
"Give me all these delicious batteries!"
"Everybody died in this family!"
"I JUST SHOT HER BODY WITH MY GUN-"
"I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I HAD BALLS STILL!"
"I got stuff on my neck!"
"Be honest, am I hot?" "I'M GAY-"
"IMMA WHIP OUT MY BEANS ESSAY"
"Not the duckussy"
"Already sus gonna hide in the ooc"
"Okay I got my happiness, bye"
"I like me some Among Us"
"Can someone hold me please"
"[Name] stop searching. I wanna search something up to on him!"
"IS HE WRITING A FANFIC OML"
"I KNOW BUT WHEN I LAUGH I SOMEHOW CHOKE ACK-"
"You're more grosser than I am."
"Ohh~ Hee got the rizz~"
"OKAY BACK TO CRYING"
"I love dying screaming"
"IM CRYING WHAT DID WE JUST WALK IN ON???"
"I will slap myself if I say something sus"
"Let her scream lmao."
"Being force to talk by a 14 year old"
"Such a beautiful break up"
"STOP RIZZING ME"
"Anyway does anyone want to get slap by me?"
"Damn she hot"
"THE FUCK WOMAN???"
"DAMN I AM A LONELY BITCH"
"Actually *SHITTING* himself would be pooping. *PISSING* himself would be peeing."
"Why did you eat mah stick?"
"STOP EATING POOP???? WHOS POOP EVEN IS THAT???"
"I- Wha- ho- ...MY BRAIN CANT HANDLE THISI-"
"I think u just pissed him up even more"
"And why are you creaming [Name]?" "Damn tell me how you really feel about the cream jesus"
"One of them is: What the fuck is going on at this point and why am I still here for it?"
"I just love killing people!"
"I want to fuck Optimus Prime."
"Allergies are kicking me ass"
"I would've given you some but you didn't talk fast enough /j"
"[NAME] PLEASE I BE SILLY"
"I SWEAR ON [NAME] IT AINT ME"
"Why is [Name] robbing [Name2]"
"Enjoy your last peaceful moments"
"You were the chosen one"
"Then speak it"
"And [Name] just set himself on fire"
"I feel like I am being judged now,,,,,bye." *disappears*
"The shame has already been done there is no going back"
"My mom used to buy me robux before she mcfucking died"
"I BROKE MY STICK"
"THEY DONT KNOW WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS"
"My gaydar told me"
"What the fuck are smiley fries."
"Rice with beef broth because we have no chicken"
"Anime cat girls are canon within Spongebob now."
"The Cat Has Ingested The Wall"
"Split dat chicken wingg"
"Oeuur... digs chicken wing out of the carpet"
SHRIEKS AND BREAKS IN THROUGH A WINDOW
"They have been bestowed the name [New name]"
"I love the fumbling with the remote"
"Literally vibrating in my chair, I’m really excited for the game"
"That's so sad imagine someone hated you so much they wouldn't even spend more than 5 bucks to hire a hitman"
"Bro's gonna be willing to die after that"
"FLOOFY AND GOOBER"
"I wanna invite them for tea and crumpets
The best type of relationship"
"ILL FORFEIT ALL MY LEGAL POSSESSIONS TO HIM"
"Like damn dude you don't need THAT much eye liner"
"This is so emo"
"My dude needs to look fabulous"
"WHAT A GOOBER ! FOOLISH LITTLE FELLOW"
"OMG ITS MY KID"
"LIL GUY IS SPEEDY ASF"
"They got a little too silly"
"ITTY BITTY"
"They just need to put some ice on it"
"Aww noo they spilled the cranberry juice" :(
#star prompts#vibe prompts#writing prompts#creative writing#creative prompts#dialogue prompts#imagine your otp#otp prompts#imagine your ocs#funny prompts#comedy#tw swearing#tw sus#Yes i can be sus lmao#prompt list#prompt list friday#tw dark themes#probably#tw dark humor#tw sensitive content#sensitive topics
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🌈💌🕯🦋🍉? 💖
Hello there 🤣😘
🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?
I think in terms of sheer effort, four dreams was the worst of the lot. Partly because Endgame left me feeling...all kinds of unfun things, and this fic was me trying to reconcile all that with my love of then-MCU, stucky, Bucky, and especially Steve. Writing it was fairly exhausting emotionally. Where or not that's clear to the readers is another matter though...
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
*sobs*
Listen. For the last two months, I've been trying and utterly failing to tame my JJK plot bunnies. I try to write a PwP and it becomes a multichapter menace. I try to write a chill, low-porn piece and it becomes wall-to-wall porn with an unreasonable number of limbs. I'm excited about all of these. I've written 10% of any of it.
But I guess I'm excited to post the 91k three-part series focusing a de-aged Gojou and the aftermath? It's been a while since I wrote a coherent story that's so long. It was supposed to be a three-chapter quick fic, but well...
🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?
There's a GrimmIchi rival assassins AU that was like pulling teeth for a good third of it. Once it started flowing, it behaved well, but getting there was a task. Plus, the plot outline mutated pretty wildly, and once I started writing, it mutated all over again. It'll see the light of day some time this year. Probably 😂
🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?
Whether people will like it, I suppose. I write for myself in the sense that everything is 200% self-indulgent, and if I see a fic through to the end, it already means I love it. But I post for the validation that comes from others seeing it and reacting, and those initial few hours of Comments(??).jpeg can be nerve-wracking. This is especially the case when I'm venturing into a new fandom.
🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?
I think you already know the answer to this 🤣
I don't use fic as an outlet or exploration for my traumatic experiences, but writing itself is one of my main ways of distracting myself when brain becomes a bag of rabid cats. That aside, I think the most obvious personal projection is the sex. Not all of it, if course. I write a lot of fucked up shit that I have zero interest in enacting in real life. But a lot of the base kinks I default to (sadism, power dynamics, biting/marking, physical domination, undetones of vore etc.) are things I dabble in myself. I also tend to give my favorite characters my tastes in bed (in case anyone was wondering about all the sadistic, bite-happy tops lol). It's also a good way for me to explore attraction to men because IRL, I've found that I'm more into women than any other gender.
I assume that last heart is just a heart for me *eats it*
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Anyway idk I've been listening to the Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté and trying to put it within my emotional perspective and learning about your own psychology is equally exhilarating and exhausting.
Because its like "oh! That makes so much sense now, why I act this way" and then you're faced with the work its going to take to deprogram yourself in an effort to be healthy.
Like its nice knowing that my addiction to my previous relationship was because I was seeking that distant detachment I got from being left to eat at the dinner table while my parents fought in the other room- that losing that relationship destroyed me so fucking much not just because I loved this person so much but because it triggered the trauma of the divorce.
I tried so hard to "fix", or as I saw it, help this person to be better, and if they got better it would prove that he loved me and I was worthy of love and caring for, in the way that my father has never been able to get better or "prove" that he loves me enough.
And I know all these things and then I still get sad because I really did love that person and they gave me some really good memories (but mostly trauma) and it just makes me sad sometimes. We were kids that entered adulthood together and it feels lonely without him sometimes.
But I love the new memories im making and i feel like I'm making progress, there's just a lot of weeds to get through. I dont want to be sad and fucked up forever, I want to be happy and stable and be able to give so much more than what my body and mind (and wallet) allow me to give now.
Healing is complicated and layered and I feel so stimulated thinking about these psychological studies, or Taoist philosophies, or the themes I want to incorporate into the story I want to write. Im excited about being excited about these things I think because I've felt so indifferent and hollow for so long, this feels like a light at the end of a shitty tunnel.
Anyway, idk, if anyone even reads to the end of this, read the Myth of Normal, and congrats on learning a little more about my psyche I guess? Have a good night I love you ♡
#nessa says#long post#text post#idk what this is really im just rambling#just trying to sort out the thiughts in my brain and maybe jt could help someone else i suppose#the myth of normal#psychology#trauma#healing
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❔ and ❌ for the wip asks!!
Hey thanks for the ask!!
❌What WIP do you find the most challenging? Why?
Hands down, this one goes to something I've tentatively titled "Out of Focus", which is about a man who can view snippets of the past through photographs and uses this power to be an "avenger for hire". Now, the premise itself is dope as fuck, especially since I have plenty of things in it that has me excited (including Siobhan, a dullahan who uses their decapitated head for pranks and eats via osmosis). It's my answer to the unasked question of "What if Max from Life is Strange had a revenge fantasy"... except Charlie's power is more voyeuristic and he can't change the past.
However, the reason this WIP is so challenging is because of Charlie himself, the main character. There are facets of his character that are a little too close to home for me to be able to comfortably write about this book for too long. Not only that, but some of the themes I want to tackle are a bit... much for me right now, I think.
So I haven't been able to... do much with it. I want to. And I've slowly inched myself closer and closer to a state of being where I CAN write it... still can't yet, though. Not yet.
❔Choose a random WIP and talk about it.
Everyone and their dad knows about ASMLP at this point, so I'm not gonna bore you going over something you already know about.
Instead, I want to talk about short stories, because those are the things next up that I have the most of, and the most ideas for. Here's short spurts about a couple.
By now, my grievances with myth retellings are well-documented, but I'm still quite excited about my take on Eros and Psyche. It's not a myth I see a lot of retellings for, to begin with. Furthermore, I'm really a fan of what I've got for the outline in terms of plot and whatnot. I'm really excited to see this develop. It's definitely going to be a longer short story... perhaps my longest so far.
A long, long time ago I wrote a short story called Sloth which was about a sloth in a zoo exhibit who becomes a young boy's sole confidant and, eventually, the only living being to witness his suicide. I think the premise is interesting on its own and have been wanting to rework it, anyway, but the drive to do so recently got refueled by a writing advice book I'm reading from Chuck Palahniuk. I won't say what the advice was yet, but the idea I got as a result is something that has me quite excited to start working again on this one.
I've been tossing around a short story idea called In Time for The Wedding. It is, as Audre Lorde or Michelle Tea might call it, a Biomythography. Based on some real events, combined with a possibility that never happened. This one, much like OOF (what an acronym) is dealing with some subjects that are going to make this an... inherently more difficult short to work with, but I still want to
I'm planning a short story about a Hestia devotee that has the barest bones of plot and is mostly vibes but I still like the ideas I've penned down for it so far!
Those are all the ones at the forefront of my mind rn. Thanks for the ask 💕💕💕
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Father Madrigal & the Pagan
🩶🩶🩶🩶🤍
Writing from inspiration from another blog. Bruno Madrigal fled all those years ago and decided to join the church. He returns to the Encanto a fully fledged man of the cloth. But a newly arrived pagan tests his patience and sanity.
CW/TW: religious themes, adult content, etc etc
I hurried back to the Guzmon's house in time to help with dinner preparations. I could hardly eat, images of Father Madrigal placing sweet kisses to my hands.
"Everything okay, dear?" Señora Guzmon observed my lack of appetite.
"Everything's great. I found a spot to build my home. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I heard that Father Flores and Father Madrigal paid you a visit while I was away today. I thought the might have upset you," she returned her attention to her meal.
"Yes, Father Madrigal seems plagued by headaches."
I couldn't wait for the meal to end, maintaining appearances in a town like this is difficult at best.
"You meet with the builders tomorrow, yes? If Louisa is helping, you'll have that house built in less than two days."
"Whose Louisa?"
"Another Madrigal, Dolores' cousin," Mariano informed me.
"What's her gift?"
"Super human strength."
Just like Samson.
Damn it brain, keep it together! Thinking like young puppy love.
"Of course," I said politely, "I don't believe I had the chance to meet her."
"She's often busy in town, I wouldn't doubt if you missed her," Señora explained.
•••••
It's pitch black around me again, and I'm glowing like the moon is beaming down on me. I was running about as fast as a turtle marching through peanut butter.
I looked down at my body again and the familiar glowing white fabric fluttered around me. A special dress for specific rites to the Goddess(es). I was in that field again, where I had danced skyclad and jumped into a river (was it only last night, or the night before?)
I felt Father Madrigal's hands roaming my body from behind me. I turned in his embrace, fully pressing to his form. He closed the distance to take me up in a kiss.
Again, worry was chiseled into his features.
"Why do you look at me like that?"
"I worry about you," he nuzzled his nose to mine.
This is only a dream.
With that realization, I was in the confessional booth. But I wasn't alone.
Father Madrigal was planting kisses and bites up and down my inner thighs while I "confessed" to Father Flores on the other side of the blank (screenless) wall. I was choking back moans and squeals, trying not to writhe too much, trying to sit still, trying my best not to let Father Flores know the sins being committed on the other side.
Father Madrigal looked up with one of his wicked grins. He leaned up and into my ear. "Does this get you excited, Brigid?"
"So fucking hot," I kissed him. He approved and moved his hand to...
•••••
I woke up breaking out in a cold sweat again. This time, I woke at a reasonable hour. Could have been about 7 in the morning judging by the sun.
Hmm. Seems Father Madrigal made it through the night without a headache.
Fucks sake, I need to stop obsessing. I've got a house to build.
"Hola!" I approached the builders and a tall, stupid strong (dare I say, stupid hot as well?) Young woman at the carpenter shop.
Stop that!
I could hear my mother's words in my own voice.
We talked of all sorts of details and layouts. I wanted as simple and small as possible but enough go live comfortably.
We hiked up into the ridge for me to show them the exact spot I wanted. They questioned if I really wanted to be this far away from the village.
They got to work right away. I was sitting by a small trickling spring that happened to not be too far away. It was lower than the house, makes sense for the water table since this area dipped down a bit than the rest of the Encanto.
Some time around noon I found myself talking to Louisa by the small spring.
"Tell me, do you remember much about before your tío left?"
"Not a lot, I had already received my gift and already had a lot of chores, even at that age," Louisa took a sip from the spring.
"Was he always like the way he is now?"
"No, as a matter of fact. He was quiet, but kind. Couldn't stand crowds. The town avoided him like the plague. But he was always gentle and kind. He was also goofy," Louisa nodded to herself.
"Goofy?" I had a hard time believing that.
"Well, he kept pet rats and had these telenovelas and the wood knocking thing and throwing salt. But he took care of all the grandkids, kind of the go-to babysitter," Louisa's face fell.
"What's wrong?"
"When he left, we weren't allowed to say his name. Stories spread. I just remember missing playing with him, especially when the chores became more," she confided, "now he's come back, and I hardly recognize him."
My heart ached for her.
"There's more than one way to lose someone you care about," I took one of her hands. They were shockingly soft, as if I didn't just watch her carry a freight load of timber up the mountain, "who knows? Maybe things will change."
She shook her head, "he refuses to open his door. It's the last one in Casita to be opened. Abuela has been absolutely furious with him since he won't return."
I nodded, thoughtfully.
"And how about you? Are you doing alright?"
Louisa turned to answer when we heard a someone calling for her.
"On my way!" She started running.
I was once again left alone by the little spring.
Goofy, huh?
I wondered what kind of "training" he had to endure for such a personality change. I imagined rulers slapping his hands, remembering how his hand hovered above the wooden bench.
I shook my head, trying to clear it of those thoughts. But they kept coming and turning darker. Suddenly, I was hearing my mother's mother telling me about the witch hunts.
"Brigid!" Someone was calling me and I snapped out of it.
"Yeah?"
I took one last sip from the spring and made my way up.
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ATHELSTAN, with bonus round of that one traumatized star wars clone you wrote a story about
OKAY so Athelstan will go first, then my traumatized star wars son Crosshair. Putting it under a cut because it got long:
Athelstan
My NOTP for them - Hmmm, I've seen a few Ecbert/Athelstan's played straight which doesn't vibe well with me, like I can SEE where it comes from but my Ecbert interpretation is extremely unflattering and I have a hard time getting past that lol.
My BROTP for them - HELGA IS SWEETEST GIRL AND BFF, when we see them cuddle in the season 2 premier it warms my ENTIRE SOUL.
My OTP for them - Unsurprisingly, Floki/Athelstan/Ragnar, which is my most special of special pairings that I adore. Any variation on it fascinates me, I usually go for a more season one vibe in my fic but honestly I think a rivals to lovers plot (between Floki and Athelstan) would also be fantastic, especially since we know that Ragnar has utilized the MAYBE HAVE A THREESOME? to try and resolve spats between love interests before LOL. Their dynamics just blend VERY well and both Athelstan and Floki are wonderful foils that bounce very well off of Ragnar and so they work best when both are in play. Really, anything that lets the three of them be TOGETHER will be exciting for me.
My second choice pairing for them - Okay so after seeing how cutely they interacted, I have a soft spot for Athelstan/Torstein, they don't get MUCH screentime together but when they are together they're so CUTE.
My fluffy pairing for them - Every pairing is a fluffy pairing with Athelstan involved. Is this a cop out answer? Yes, absolutely, but if I am writing a pairing with this boy my instinct is to FLUFF! IT! UP!
My angsty pairing for them - Okay so when he finds out about Arne's death he said "Arne?" in the most DEVASTATED TONE and anyway, Athelstan/Arne developing a small Thing that they don't get time to pursue before Rollo fucking. Eviscerates the poor boy. That's the right angst stuff.
My favorite poly ship for them - Same as the OTP, lol, this will be a theme because my OTPs usually are polycules, it's like this in every fandom lol.
My weirdest pairing for them - Honestly, Floki/Athelstan/Ragnar is by far the weirdest ship lol, making this the third time it has appeared on this list, it is simply my Life and Love
Crosshair
My NOTP for them - I have few complete NOTPs with him, so gonna have to go with the obvious of Rampart. Haven't seen MANY fics play this as a straight up pairing, but it's one that I genuinely can't see.
My BROTP for them - I read a really good longfic that included some Howzer & Crosshair bonding and now I crave it. Howzer is interesting because he really was the 'if you're so evil eat this kitten' of post-chip Crosshair, he could have shot him, chipped Crosshair WOULD have shot him, but he didn't. I hope Crosshair actively helps to get him out of jail and they can vibe together.
My OTP for them - POLYBATCH. Listen the five of them vibe so well together and each and every dynamic within it is something fascinating to me. I want nothing more than for them to be happy, I crave and demand it. Let them be happy (and kiss)
My second choice pairing for them - osijfoidsjf I'm going to cheat because my second choice is honestly any single ship with one of the other batchers. Polyam is my preference but I will also happily read about any one dynamic within the group.
My fluffy pairing for them - Actually pulling out a subset of the OTP here, but Crosshair/Wrecker specifically is fascinating to me because in the initial four parter they really do seem to be the closest. They compete yeah, but Wrecker will intervene IMMEDIATELY to protect Crosshair (he even forgot his fear of heights for him!) and Crosshair seems very proud of Wrecker (he's going to get the gunship out of there, not Cody) and they have a cute quiet moment around the fire before things turn into a Fight and I WISH we got to hear what they were talking about.
My angsty pairing for them - EVERY pairing is an angsty pairing when you're a dramatic emo bitch like Crosshair is. Truly there is not a single pairing that can't be completely played for angst. Does the angsty Cad Bane/Crosshair smut fic I'm poking at count if they're not really together and it's just an unwise one night stand? It probably counts.
My favorite poly ship for them - same as the OTP, polyships are my bread and butter.
My weirdest pairing for them - Probably the Rex/Crosshair (platonic or not) considering their primary interaction was Rex punching him in the face for talking shit about Echo. But that also makes him one of the few people that has completely noped out of dealing with Crosshair's shit and he needs that. There's value in dating the person that won't let you do your typical nonsense!
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Even though it was like, more than half a year since I played GGST, I am still super excited about a possible sequel.
Like, imagine. After the new direction gameplay-wise and the story basically being the end of Sol's arc, the next game is probably going to be sort of a new generation, jumping-on-point-for-new-fans type of deal. Which is so much my fucking jam that I want to write a whole post of just predictions/wishes for the different characters.
-Sin gets rid of his eating gimmick and becomes a combination of his two dads, taking on the role of new protagonist and combining their gameplay. So he has a projectile that goes across the ground like Gun Flame, but can also be charged like Stun Edge. Also? Purple color scheme, as well as his own message on his belt buckle. I'm thinking Future, in reference to him being the new protagonist as well as "Goals and Future" from his theme in Strive.
-I am not sure what to do with Ram, but I feel like if they made her projectiles more powerful and versatile, taking back their properties from Xrd, would kind of help with her becoming a member of the Illyria Military. I'll go into what I want for story later, but I would love for her and Sin to kind of be a friendlier, more sibling-like take on Sol and Ky's whole Shonen rival thing. Her belt buckle bears the word "Meaning".
-Neither Sol, Ky or Asuka would appear as playable fighters, at least not as base roster. Ky is focusing on politics, and perhaps raising a new child, Sol is working on his rocket with Jack-O and Asuka is doing a podcast on the moon. Him narrating the events of the story is the framing device for story mode.
-Happy Chaos would reappear, taking on a new name and identity, probably as a weird magic hobo. He would take on a new role in the story as a weird anti-hero ally.
-Nago travels the word, having lost an eye to a mysterious new opponent. He searches tirelessly for it.
-Giovanna has risen up the ranks and is, somewhat unwillingly, taking on the role of a secret agent. Her role in the military is continuously prioritized below getting a date with Leo.
-Faust is becoming more and more monstrous. His Dr. Baldhead-identity is returning, and he searches for a cure to his condition before it's too late.
-Having acceptet her new identity, Bridget gets a re-design with some cowgirl-elements, in honor of Goldlewis influence. She reconnects with her brother, who has spent years searching for her. She has also become close friends with Dizzy, and has gotten work as her bodyguard.
As is essentially obligatory for this kind of sequel, several characters have gained protegés and the like:
-Chipp's story involves him training a citizen of the Eastern Chipp Kingdom to be a ninja. This citizen appears in his victory animation, participates in his supers and would perhaps be added with DLC.
-Leo gets a second-in-command, and through training him, comes to term with his trauma.
-Zato-ONE and Millia discovers a third host to a Forbidden Beast, and becomes the hosts weird adoptive parents, Slayer acting as the child's really weird grandpa; Robo-Ky and Venom as it's cool new uncles.
-Delilah reappears, wielding broken parts of her bed. She fights with a sword and uses the bed's arm to parry her enemies, like Baiken, and she also keeps her traps. These traps are a mix of her brother's and some inspired from Baiken, such as swords spinning in the air and Tatami mats appearing from the ground.
-Through the years, Johnny and May's relationship becomes more and more strained. In the end, Johnny disappears, and May becomes the new captain of the Jellyfish Pirates. On her journey to find Johnny and make amends, she ends up falling in love with someone new. In her Arcade ending, Johnny holds a tearful speech on her wedding.
-Having risen up the military ranks, Potemkin works tirelessly to improve Zepp's political standing. On his journey, he meets and saves an abused child worker from an weapon manufacturer, and helps her overcome her trauma.
That's about it for the characters. I think that if there was a Story Mode, it would be mostly character-focused, but would be focused on Sin and Ram pursuing a mysterious group of terrorists. Consisting of a small group of Gears that survived the hunting of Gears after Justice's defeat, as well as other outsiders, that blindly wanders the world commiting acts of violence.
I've been meaning to overcome my current art block, so for every like this posts get I'll draw a possible redesign/new character from this concept.
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