#so im nervous to put the effort into getting them out just to have everyone reject them 😂
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im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★
I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.
It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.
I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.
I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.
It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.
This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.
To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.
I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.
This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.
But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.
I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.
I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.
Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.
Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.
How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.
Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.
I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.
I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.
I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.
#acceptance#love#kindness#affection#expression#long post#tldr#hope#trans#transgender#trans femme#trans girl#transition#hrt#hormones#mtf#pride#self love
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holidate.
genre: fluff with nonidol!jaemin
note: happy holidays! love you all, not proofread! i kinda hate this im sorry, ty for requesting though anon :"(
"so what do you say... wanna be my holi-date?!"
you peer up at jaemin with hopeful eyes as you attempt not to cringe at your poor joke. waving your jazz hands cutely in an effort to convince him to meet your parents for the first time this winter season.
he grimaces. you know how worried he's been about meeting your parents. you both haven't been dating that long but he was completely taken with you. he couldn't bare messing up in front of your family, not when he finally had you.
you pout and whine and coo until he gives in.
"if you weren't an absolute angel i would not be going... you're trouble, you know that? fuck... "
you haven't seen jaemin this nervous since he confessed.
"oh god, oh god... do i look okay... is this dumb... oh my GOD jaemin brown and orange what are you thinking??"
jaemin shuffles and paces around your shared apartment, frantically searching for an outfit for the event ahead. his voice was pitched up a couple octaves due to his worries.
sure he's been to a couple of holiday parties with you in college, but this was a big deal.
"babe relax- c'mere just-just sit, c'mon, here..." patting the space next to you, he shuffles over. head low in embarrassment, the mattress dipping under his weight. you graze your fingers over his wrist once he settles to look towards you.
giving him your best doe eyes. you see his gaze visibly soften. he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"its going to be okay, okay? hm? i love you and that's all that matters! i've bragged to them a thousand times about you! they're dying to meet you. there's no reason to be worried. you're na jaemin!!! the na jaemin!" he breaks out into laughs, "see! don't try and hide your blush from me now... you look great. put on the cute knitted sweater you love and let's go, okay?"
kissing his forehead you let him slip away to the closet, playfully smacking his butt as he cut in front of you.
you could still feel his hand shaking as he gripped your thigh to ground himself. you'd been comforting him since you both left. spritzing a bit of your perfume on his sweater, holding his bicep, putting on his favorite playlist and now lightly scraping your fingernails up and down his forearm.
"this it?"
"mhhmm, park just right there..."
his arms flex as he pulls up to the curb in front of your childhood home.
he turns the engine off and stills. his lashes flutter as he closes his eyes, letting in a big breath and exhaling slowly. he clearly needed a minute and you were more than willing to give it to him.
"okay, hmph, lets go," he says with a peck to your lips, smiling as he pulls away. it's as if this kiss alone gave him the strength to get over his fears.
he races over to your side of the car to let you out, holding your hand to make sure you didn't trip over the uneven pavement.
you snake your arm around his right bicep and make the short walk to the red front door a couple feet away.
ringing the doorbell, jaemin exhales and shakes his head. muttering mantras under his breath about being polite and that everything is okay.
your parents swing the door open.
"OH MY GOD YOU'RE GORGEOUS," your mother says excitedly, pulling him inside by the wrist.
you all laugh loudly as you step into the warmth of the house. jaemin immediately takes off his shoes, your mother shoots you a look of approval and you nod and mouth excitedly "i know!"
throughout the duration of the night, jaemin has put on his charm to 100. talking to your family about his education, his swimming scholarship and how lucky he is to have you. he even admits how nervous he was which has everyone in a fit of giggles again. he helped set the table, complimented your mom on her skin, played with the kittens that waltzed around his legs yet, never failed to check up to see how you were doing.
he'd caught you staring in awe a couple times, the smile on your face growing as he grins back at you in accomplishment, nodding towards your mother with wide eyes, like a little boy in kindergarten who made a new friend.
your family wasn't keen on letting the both of you leave once it got too late.
"i know im sorry mr. and ms. y/l/n, they hate me driving late at night so we really should go..." that doesn't fail to leave your mom cooing.
as soon as the door shuts behind you both, jaemin squeals and regains composure, "see y/n, i don't know why you were so worried, i told you they'd love me... im the na jaemin!" he screams that last bit.
you lightly punch him in the chest, "yeah yeah you nailed it tiger, just get in the car..." he laughs loudly, the arm draped over your shoulders pulls you in tighter and forces you to grab on to his waist to avoid toppling over.
"i can't believe my own mother ignored me for a pretty face... tsk"
the last thing you heard before jaemin shut your car door was a loud cackle.
#jaemin fluff#na jaemin fluff#jaemin fanfic#jaemin fic#nct dream fluff#nct dream drabble#jaemin drabble#jaemin timestamp#jaemin oneshot#jaemin scenarios#jaemin headcanons#nct dream#jaemin nct#nct dream jaemin#na jaemin x reader#jaemin x y/n#jaemin x gender neutral reader#jaemin x gn reader#nct blurb#nct fluff#nct reactions#nct soft blurbs#nct soft hours#nct college au#nct dream headcanons#nct u fluff#nct u drabbles#nct u reactions#nct u imagines#jaemin imagines
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First date, compared to now.
Then;
• I feel like if Sevika has a crush on you, she's definitely going to be nervous about your first date. This was new to her, especially with having a crush on someone.
• For sure spends a few hours on deciding what she wants to wear. It shouldn't matter but it was her first ever date and she wanted to actually put effort in.
• Has seen how perfect you dress, and somehow felt like she needed to do the same. Just in hopes you would do on another date with her.
• Although you already found her perfect the way she is.
• Sevika is honestly drinking and smoking a lot before she gets ready. Time is of the essence sure, but she panicked. Which lead to more smoking.
• Her hands will become sweaty and shaky the minute she looks at you standing there. You, of all people made her nervous.
• She will find herself staring at you whenever she gets the chance. Still anxious, but she's making conversation with you. You just find it cute that she's so nervous.
• You just can't stop staring at her gapped tooth whenever she was talking. It was adorable. Although that alone will make her tense, she wasn't used to it. Also staring is rude, but she is staring at you constantly so two people can play that game right?
• Nervously mumbles out a small "you're just really beautiful" when you catch her looking at you again. It was weird, seeing Sevika so nervous around you. It was beautiful though.
• "you're really beautiful too Sevika"
• Panics about kissing you. Really does not want to fuck anything up, but you make it easier for her by just kissing her cheek with those soft lips of yours. Damn it.
Now;
• After your few years of dating, Sevika only gets nervous on some of your dates but not as much as she used to on the first one.
• Your regular seat is yes, in her lap. She constantly glares at people who look at you, but smirks at the people who wishes they were ones who had you, your love and your heart.
• You love to rile her up by telling her that she's "hot" or "really fucking beautiful". You never miss to tell her that, or a just simple "i love you".
• Sevika still wasn't used to the words, but she adored hearing them from you. Of course her own i love you's would be told, in private but that's because her private life didn't need to be in the public.
• She's not scared to show people you belong to her, and only her. You only have to rest your head on her shoulder and everyone knows to not try getting to you.
• Doesn't have to ask you what you wanted to eat because she already knows exactly what you like, love, dislike and hate.
• Most of the time, you just loved being in her embrace. Neither of you had to say anything in moment likes these because being with each other was more than words could tell you each sometimes.
• She finds it really relaxing when you thread your fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp comfortingly. You always giggle when she grunts. It was amusing to you.
• Will 100% try turning you on to an extreme in public. She will try literally everything. Jokes on her, you're always turned on when she's around you.
• Constantly whispering in your ear that you're her perfect "sweetheart"
• Refuses to let you constantly smoke, but will give you some of hers if you ask. It was a bad habit, one she had but she didn't want you to be hurt or crave it all the time. The first time you tried, you coughed for a good 15 minutes. Sevika needed you to be safe after all.
Note: My eyes burn, so fucking bad. Rip my already shit eyesight. That 2014 vision sucking balls. Pls just enjoy this, idk what im doing anymore.
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Hey bestie I just saw your multiplayer post and 1: I totally get it. Multiplayer sucks so much ass because I’m an impatient motherfucker.
But I wanted to ask you something. I’m so sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or judgmental, just some food for thought (that you may not even need!) from a bestie who is rooting for you!!
Have you ever considered that FOR YOU playing multiplayer with someone might be less about your personal enjoyment and more about doing an activity with a loved one that THEY enjoy?
It sounds like you have people in your life who love something! And they also love you! And they want to share those things with you, even though they aren’t your favorite! Obviously you don’t need to let anyone pressure you into anything, but I think doing un-fun activities that someone else enjoys with them can be a very sweet way of engaging with them selflessly.
Like i fucking hate bowling. So fucking much. I can’t even explain it. But once recently I managed to put that aside because a friend wanted to bowl on her birthday and I didn’t want to rain on the parade.
And I was nervous, like I’m going to ruin this with my bad attitude because I hate bowling. But I decided to try a different mindset? I don’t care if I have fun doing this activity, the fun part is being with my bestie. Joking around, hanging out around her. And it actually made it so much more fun. I don’t know how to describe it but bowling with her was actually fun that day.
And cooperation is so difficult and different even than the bowling example, but I actually have one for that too! I recently tried Portal 2 with my dad (we famously struggle to cooperate and always end up arguing.) But he loves the game and wanted to spend time with me. So I resolved to do it well. Instead of playing the game the way I usually would, I was intentional about playing differently. Because this is a different activity entirely, I’m not playing a game, I’m hanging out with my dad.
I literally just stuck by him, let him tell me what to do, and was blown away when he started asking for my opinion. And since I’d faithfully followed orders, when I had an idea to try he would do the same. And eventually we entered a cooperative zone I’d never before have deemed possible with my father.
So anyway, like I said this may not be applicable for you! But I thought it might be decent food for thought, maybe there is a new way to approach that activity that could be less painful for you??
since you typed so much and put so much effort into saying this as kindly as possible to get it out to me i want to do you the same courtesy and say this with patience and grace.
i know they want to share something they love with me, and that doing something im not into so that my loved ones can have fun with me is just something humans in a community occasionally have to deal with. sometimes we just have to grin and bear it so our friends can enjoy our company, and in a community, everyone takes a turn grinning and bearing it.
but this is something i do for them with like... team shooters and realtime co-ops. not for turn based strategy where i'm forced to wait on them to read at the speed of smell or watch a cutscene they've seen six times so they can make different decisions or meticulously organize their inventory.
when i play fortnite with my boys, i dont need to wait on them except to regroup or discuss what to do next, and i'm happy to put my impulsive playstyle to the side and hold back instead of barging in guns blazing like i do solo. i grin and bear it.
but when i play bg3 or ffxiv or wow with my boys, i'm fucking miserable, impatient, and forced to adhere to their playstyles when theirs all mesh together and mine is the outlier.
i read at warp speed. i comprehend and strategize and improvise faster. slowing down is torture because the game itself is already working at the pace of a 600lb century tortoise and i'm already making concessions just to be able to play at all.
i dont want to work and try when i play games. i want to relax and turn my brain off. my friends all know this and they have for over a decade.
they have known for 15 years that i hate turnbased strategy games, and i hate playing multiplayer. i am able, with effort, do one or the other, but not both. they've known this for so long. and every like 8-15 months they seem to forget and something they all love comes out and they want me to be included and i get the game and have a good time by myself and im able to join in the conversation and the last six times this has happened evaporate from their memory and they insist it'll be differen because this one is "actually good" and i assure them it will not be different and they encourage me to try and i grow a fucking demoncore in my chest with the weight and pressure of not screaming HURRY THE FUCK UP IT'S BEEN 7 MINUTES THAT YOUVE BEEN ORGANIZING YOUR FUCKING CHEST THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SILLY FUCK AROUND RUN NOT A SERIOUS ORGANIZED RUN THIS ISN'T "PLAYING A GAME" THIS IS "SCROLLING TIKTOK WHILE I WAIT FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING TO FUCKING HAPPEN AND THEN NOT GIVING A FUCK WHEN IT IS MY TURN BECAUSE THE EXPERIENCE IS RUINED BY FORCING ME TO PULL MY BRAIN OUT OF THE GAME!!!!!!!"
and all of that stays in my chest because obviously i'm not about to shout at my friends that theyre functionally illiterate and to just kill something already so it festers and rots between my ribs and i am having a noticeably bad time.
your friends cannot possibly enjoy something that makes you actively miserable. your friends want you to have a good time doing something they love, not to bottle your misery and fake it so they can have a fun time.
it isn't even about the game or my playstyle. it's about the fact that they learn this lesson CONSTANTLY and yet never seem to learn. it's about how i HATE the part of myself that keeps giving in just to get that little bit of revenge on them to really drive the point home this time.
----------------------------------------------------
it is february. you are lactose intolerant. your friends KNOW this. they have for nearly 20 years. sometimes you have a small ice cream bar because theyre so good and worth the pain. your friends only bought cheese pizza for the party, and no other food. you sigh.
You're like "i'll join another time, i cant eat cheese pizza." they insist it'll be okay, they want you here so bad because they love spending time with you. they'll take care of you, the second bathroom will be free all night and they have plenty of pain killers and extra clothes. you tell them 'okay but take care of me for real this time'. they promise.
there are no pain killers, only iron suppliments. they used up the pain killers about a month ago and didnt notice, they didnt think theyd need any so soon. the second bathroom is immediately clogged because one friend flushed paper towels on accident, and the others are using the main bathroom very frequently because they all drank too much. they didnt realize they wouldnt be able to drink so much. how could they have know the toilet would clog? they're complaining about your gas because there's no febreeze, only lemon pledge. how could they have know they needed febreeze so soon? the guest bedroom is full of dusty storage and the bed smells like mothballs. how could they have known they'd need to use it so soon? the only extra clothes are too small for you and the shower is mildewy. later in the night you ask for them to get you some water and they're all too tired. you get yourself some water and groan in pain the whole way to the kitchen and back. "can you keep it down, we're trying to sleep!" "YOU LEAKED SHIT IN MY BED?!?!" "ughhhh the bathroom is acrid"
you burn the house down in your mind.
your friends party every other week, so the next time you gather, and every time after that, they have food you can eat. they learned their lesson! all is well, and you're able to make funny jokes about how much you wanted to kill them, and they make funny jokes about how stupid they were to forget something so important, and they suffered a lot from your gas and groaning and having to clean the sheets since it was their own fault after all, so they'll never forget now! you forgive them. friends fuck up sometimes. months and months of perfect parties. perfect friends.
it is november. it's party time. you arrive. there is only cheese pizza.
you sigh.
#op#anonymous#ask#like i know my post was kind of vague so there's no way you could divine every intricacy of my situation#and obviously you cam from a place of gentleness and sincerity#but i hope this makes it more clear#i dont need to change#they need to learn#but they never will#and it hurts a lot
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i just wanted to ask your advice about life and grad school and trying to not think about the prestige of certain schools since i feel like you'd just provide a lot of insight on it, and sometimes i feel lost in my life even though i'm pretty young still haha! but sometimes i'm nervous on the fact that i may not get into a good college but idk if that makes sense ^^
hi!!! i personally really enjoy talking abt my academic (+professional) career & i am so honored that you would come to me for any type of advice omg!!! i will say that being young comes with a lot of bouts of insecurity; when i went to my original university, i admittedly didn't have much school spirit or even pride for it. i chose it because i got a full ride academic scholarship to attend, and once you're in college, you realize just how EXPENSIVE the Real World actually is, and so, even though my first university didn't necessarily come with a lot of "prestige" (even kids back home didn't wanna go there LOL), it was a very smart decision for me to attend there because i graduated with my bachelor's, high honors, with no debt!!
i also used to be obsessed with the prestige of schools, and as i look into phd programs, i suddenly am transported back to when i was younger + worried about how a school name would look on my final transcript or resume. the truth is, prestige doesn't guarantee you much.
i will say that certain universities and colleges can help you network, but it doesn't really matter if those relationships are shallow, right? we (and profs you have) aren't going to be so inclined to help you out with 100% enthusiasm if they don't really know you too well, right? so for me, even though the first university i attended was honestly kind of crappy, i decided to make the best of it! professors are humans too, and it's hard for them (esp during freshman & sophomore classes) to connect with students, and most students aren't going to want to put forth the effort to have a relationship with them. i made it an effort to introduce myself to a select few profs, i would attend office hours, i would make a point to engage during lectures, etc. i basically stood out from my peers, and in the long run, that has helped greatly, esp when it came time for me to turn in letters of recommendation for grad school. my "deeper" relationships that i spent a semester (or several semesters; the college was small and i had the same profs for several classes lol) cultivating paid off bc i had spectacular, personalized letters of rec that probably would have been harder for me to obtain had i attended a "prestigious" school where im certain a bunch more students would be vying for the prof's attention OR the professor would be too busy with their own workload and research to really be attentive to me.
while at the "crappy" university i attended for undergrad, i managed to secure two internships, one w/ jp morgan. lots of interns never heard of my school, and believe it or not, with the ivy league students i interacted with, they either knew the same amount or even less of what was going on than i did. they go to great colleges, fantastic schools, have been attending private feeder schools that would land them at these prestigious schools i'm sure you're looking at, and the fact of the matter is, it's not like everyone who attends there is a genius. when i was younger, i thought that the school you attend is directly associated with how smart you are, but that is def not the case. never, ever, ever question your intelligence if the school you want doesn't accept you. it's so corny, but rejection really IS redirection.
what i really want you to realize is that a good college is purely dependent upon YOU, as a student. form genuine connections with your profs (these relationships might come in handy; not just for grad school, but i've had several profs actually come to me with internship AND post-grad job opportunities with their friends' companies), be active and engaged on campus (join a club, do community service; if you do join a club, though, it is best to have a leadership role within it), consider asking a close prof if you can be a teaching assistant, approach your classmates confidently and be friendly to them, work hard!!! undergrad is fantastic for figuring out or getting an idea of what you want to do in the future!!! i was 16 when i started college full-time & i just picked a major (accounting) where i thought i could get a job with it LOL. nearly 5 years + one degree later, i figured out that working in industry wasn't for me & that i much prefer academia haha!!! try out a little bit of everything; i'm starting my fourth internship pretty soon, and honestly, you don't know what you don't like until you actually try it out.
i hope you have the greatest college experience of your life! when we're young, the silly stuff doesn't seem so silly (re: the prestige of the school you attend), but it's ok! because no one expects us to have perspective when we're young lol. just know that no matter where you go, make an effort to make the best of it :)
edit: some success stories!!! my undergrad aka what i considered to be a tier below community college (nothing wrong with cc either!!!); many of my classmates have went on to attend "prestigious" colleges for their own phd programs :) one of my close friends completed her undergrad in biology and is attending a private college for a phd; one of the colleges i'm looking at!!! my other friend works full-time at goldman sachs, which is proof that you don't need a columbia degree in finance to get in LOL. so, finding good opportunities is possible no matter where you end up attending <3
#my grad school is an infamous party school LOL#i will say that starting college young has altered something in my brain 😭#i'll be worried that im gonna be a hag and that i won't have anything to offer to the world by the time i graduate from grad school#which is stupid bc then i remember i'll be 21 when i'm done#u have time!!!!! u don't need to worry abt feeling lost in life bc everyone is lost in life!!!!!#even me!!!!!
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hey i've got a friend who i've recently learned is having severe anxiety and depression. I'm struggling to help him through it (he doesn't want to see a therapist) and i'm not sure how to help him. any tips?
hey anon! im so glad you asked this, though im sorry to hear that your friend is going through this. you’re a kind friend for seeking how to help him, and im sure he will appreciate any effort you make.
i apologize that this has taken so long to answer, and im sorry cause it’s super long too😵💫i put a tl;dr at the end if you just want a general overview!!
everyone is different and has different needs, but i’ll do my best to give some general tips that i hope can help. keep in mind that none of this is professional advice!! im just someone who has experienced the same struggles myself, so this is just a list of tips that i know have helped me and the people around me. i hope it can be of some help to you too anon.💕
one thing you can do is straight up ask him what he needs. he might not even know what he needs, but asking this will get him to at least think about it since he knows someone cares enough to ask. oftentimes, someone with depression and anxiety automatically assumes that no one knows or cares what they’re feeling like—they think their pain doesn’t matter—and they feel like a burden. so just reminding him that he is wanted and that his presence is not a burden can sometimes change so much. if asking him what he needs sounds strange, i would highly suggest just telling him at some point that you’re glad he’s here. that you’re glad he’s alive. sometimes that reminder can change everything—i know it did for my brother, who has struggled with the same things.
listen. listening is one of the most important things that i cannot stress enough. a person struggling with mental health needs so deeply to be listened to and to be heard. when you care about someone so much, often you will want to solve the problem immediately and just fix everything—but for mental health, that is not an option, and telling the person what to do or how to feel better is not helpful or productive. often, it only serves to make them feel worse or be overwhelmed. it feels like their voice is being silenced; they will not understand that the advice comes from a place of care; it will just sound like criticism. i know that just listening can be one of the hardest things when you know how much he’s hurting, but it really is one of the best things you can do for him. leave your door open for him if he ever wants to come to you and tell you things—he might not want to, but just having that open door in case he does lets him know that you care. that you’re there.
if he has told you about certain things that make him nervous or trigger him, like places, people, foods, environments, etc, then showing support when entering into those situations can mean so much. it lets him know that you listened, you heard him, and you didn’t forget. it could be hard to recognize if he’s feeling anxious, but over time you might be able to spot his anxious habits—maybe he leg bounces a lot, maybe he chews his lip or picks at his face or bites his fingernails, maybe he wrings his hands or scratches at certain places on his body. there are so many things that can tell you when someone is feeling anxious if you get used to paying attention to it—even facial expressions. so if you ever realize or suspect that he’s feeling anxious in a situation, you can literally ask, “are you anxious?” and that might help him get out of his head a bit. anxiety isn’t rational in the slightest, so when you ask him questions like this, it’ll make him start to think about other things. he’ll probably realize, “oh yeah, i am feeling anxious.” and it also just shows that you’re being attentive and that once again, you care.
his stubbornness might end up irritating you.. a lot. and that’s entirely understandable. his line of thinking will seem completely irrational to you—and it is. that’s what’s so difficult. you’re probably wondering why he won’t just go to therapy!! why won’t he just help himself!! why won’t he seek good things for himself!! and the answer is never easy or simple. your feelings about this situation are valid too. you care for your friend, and it hurts to see him hurting.
there can be many reasons people who struggle with mental health seem to avoid things that will help them:
they feel like they don’t deserve it.
they have no motivation.
they don’t think they could ever get better, even if they get help—they have no hope, and may see no point in seeking help.
they feel paralyzed, since their routine of being anxious and sad has become their normalcy, and they think that any deviation from this normal state will make them even more anxious. they want to feel stable, so they will stick to what they know.
there are probably more reasons, but those are the biggest ones i can think of. whatever the reason your friend seems to be avoiding help, with time you might be able to get him to talk to you about it. being honest yourself could inspire him to be honest, too. creating an environment in which he can feel safe when sharing vulnerable things is important, and the best way to do that is to be the first one to share.
that’s all i have to say for now, i apologize that it’s a lot to read. so here’s a TL;DR:
honesty, attentiveness, gentleness, and patience are some of the most important things to keep in mind with your friend. be willing to listen, and try to find ways to show him that you care about him and what he’s going through!
#personally the biggest thing for me has always been gentleness#it may not be the same for your friend but i know that being approached carefully has been really important in making me feel safe#the thing that makes me feel the most safe and understood is when the other person is willing to just be there#sometimes that means literally being in the same room as me#but otherwise just having an open door that i know is safe to go to#asks#cathy says words#cathy’s advice#comfort#mental health help#long post
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Welcome home: no hard feelings? (Tickle and fluff) pt.8
I need fluff and tickle requests
p.o.v, Wally
"so how should we get back at y/n?" Barnaby asks. We are at howdy's store everyone's here except poppy violet and y/n, violet is currently unknowingly distracting y/n, we are trying to think of how to get back at y/n for cheating in hide an seek, Eddie is a horrible liar so we found out how she won quickly "give her a taste of her own medicine?" Frank says in a duh voice "beat her in hide and seek by cheating" Julie asks as we all look at frank confused"beat her at-?! No tickle her, the one most common thing you all do, the thing that you do when I'm being a grump?!" Some of the neighbors let out an understanding of "that's a great idea frank!" Julie says to frank in that energetic high pitched tone. "I can get violet to bring y/n here." I say pulling my phone out
When y/n and violet arive
Y/ns p.o.v
"what was it you said you needed, violet?" I ask since she nervously and abruptly pulled me over here "I need mangos, carrots, and milk!" She is nervous about something, I can hear it in her muffled voice. She grabs the stuff she needs, I almost giggle at the joke she uses to pay. "What do you call a pile of cats? A meowntain!" Before we can leave.. "hey y/n, I have something to tell you!" Howdy says calling me over, when I walk over to him all he says is "now!" Huh?? Im being lifted off the floor via arms above head, I look behind me to see Barnaby. "What?! Put me down!, What's going on?!" I know exactly what's going on. In about a minute every one except poppy is in front of me "hey guys hehe... How are youuu?" I say nervously. "Hey y/n remember how you won hide and seek super quick?" Barnaby asks me. "Yeah, hehe I do.. why?" I say nervously. "Well Eddie's not a very good liar so we know exactly what happened." Wally continues. I start to sweat a little and kick my legs a bit. "Hey guys... It was all good fun... No hard feelings right?" Nervousness heard in my voice
Julie's p.o.v
"no hard feelings right?" Y/n asks nervously "no hard feelings, just tickly ones!" After I say that the tickle attack begins, Barnaby was holding them up nuzzling their ear, howdy was tickling their neck and armpits, how useful it'd be to have 4 arms, I tickle their ribs and side on the left and Sally tickles the right and Wally's tickling the knee area (bro I swear if it's just me, where the knees tickle) since it's the only place he can reach and Eddie tickles their stomach. "Nohohohoho! STAHAHAHAP!" Y/n yells with laughter "what can't take what 'cha dish out?" Barnaby teases, they turn a little red "yohohohohoure ahahahahahall ahahare jerks!" Y/n yells, they must've put a lot of effort into saying jerks cause she didn't laugh while saying it
Violet p.o.v
They've been tickling y/n for a couple minutes now "thihihihihis ihihis torture!" Y/n yells, I feel kinda bad that I led them into this trap but they ruined my winning streak In hide and seek. "Apologize and we'll stop!" Sally says "ohohover my dehehehed body!" "Hey y/n did you know some people have extra ribs? Frank told me that! I think me and Sally should count them!" Julie and Sally start counting y/and ribs "NOHOHOHO DOHOHOHOHOHNT DOHOHO THAHAHAT!" Y/n yells. Howdy has moved his upper set of arms to armpit and right below the armpit and Barnaby is snuggling y/ns ear and neck now, I'm glad I'm not in y/ns position.
Y/ns p.o.v
"IM SOHOHORY! ILL WONT CHEAT IN GAMES AGAIN!" I yell tired. Everyone stops and Barnaby puts me down, violet hands me a f/s (favorite snack) and f/d (favorite drink). I hear everyone laughing "they really learned their lesson I bet!" Sally says happily. I'm blushing from embarrassment "you good, kid?" Barnaby asks me "y-yeah just a little worn out" "how about me and Sally walk you home y/n" Julie says energeticly"that sounds nice" I say as I open my f/s
I'm gonna post an explanation on why this took soooooooooo long to be made
#welcome home tickles#welcome home fanfic#welcome home#welcom home oc#welcome home violet#my ocs#oc#fanfic writing#welcom home#welcome home julie#welcome home eddie#welcome home frank#welcome home wally#welcome home barnaby#welcome home sally
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ok hold on now that im thinking about it im gonna ramble some more about theater related things
disclaimer disclaimer despite feeling a bit awkward at times and nervous because everyone else has already been in other shows together and is friends with each other vs me not really knowing anyone everyone still has been nice and the director and stage manager are sweethearts and the lead actor is very cool and talented and its been a better experience than my last show and i certainly dont have any issues where people are being nasty to me like i did with my last production but ok the thing im thinking about is ok. im going to the opening night of this other play tonight right. because this is another play our theater company is putting on right. the way this theater works is that generally two plays are like kind of around the same time where one is being performed and the other one is still in the early to mid rehersal stages but its all the same theater company right and some of my castmates are in this show and we all get in free since we are actors and part of the company right and its good to support your castmates with their hard work on their other production its a lot of work to be doing two plays at once
and anyway there was this time where. ok one thing about me is i blend into the background when im offstage and it is very common for me to overhear things people dont necessarily mean for me to hear or want me to hear for better or for worse. so there was a time recently where i was offstage waiting for my time to go in and these two people start talking about this other play theyre in. and they just start absolutely trashing a girl whos in it with them who i realize is another castmate in the production im in and she just wasnt needed at rehersal that day so she wasnt there to hear them but the way they were talking about her was just so cruel and i moved away at one point because it just felt really gross and i had half a mind to speak up and say something but it was like at the time i didnt know who they were talking about so its not like i could be like hey dont talk badly about her or thinking its none of my business.
but it still bothers me specifically because these people were being so elitist and putting this girl down saying "oh shes trying so hard but shes just not good. she just isnt good!" and i think the director of that play is also kind of weird or making weird decisions but thats not the actors fault if the director is demanding they perform in a weird way. and it really just boiled down to these two people (who btw are twice the age of me and the other girl) were just like... asserting that theyre sooooo good and that theyre so skilled and know the play better and that if it were them theyd do it this way etc etc while just being so nasty and cruel to this poor girl who they admitted is very obviously trying her best and putting a lot of effort. frankly i am more impressed by and rooting for someone who may not have as much experience or skill but is putting a lot of effort and heart into their performance over someone whos got a lot of experience yes but is going to just treat their cast mates like shit like this lmao. i lost my train of thought but oh no wait there it is
its like a pet peeve of mine when people in theater think they know your role better than you do or know better than the director does and tries to like upstage you or says well i could do that role better or i wouldve done it this way. like ok but you arent doing the role. you arent the director. a theatrical production is supposed to be a group effort were all supposed to be working TOGETHER to tell a story and create an experience and get across a specific message and atmosphere to the audience and i hate how often people seem to forget that and want to be like WELL I COULD DO THAT BETTER and to be clear you may be thinking but kes you have said you could out act certain hollywood actors and thats diffwrent because im not a fucking cast mate of those rich and famous actors who barely are able to have a good meaningful deep performance because they got their roles through money and connections and being conventionally attracvtive. its different yknow.
and in the end it makes me sad. it just makes me sad to know that the issues that i have with the usa acting and theater industry are still within a smaller scale community theater. i genuinely think community art spaces are so incredibly important i wouldnt be alive if it hadnt been for community theater and its a disservice to be letting people be so fucking snobbish and elitist and cruel like yes i take our community theater productions seriously and we all put a lot of effort andnheart into it ajd ive seen some really moving and impactful amazing performances done by small community theater groups but also this is not fucking broadway you do not have to be so back stabbing and cruel and you dont have to act like you have some kind of heirarchy ladder to climb, both of these things can be true
also as a note for example like. i dont really agree with some of the acting choices the person im understudying for is making. but thats really just because we are very different people and every performer is going to do things differently! i dont think theyre a bad actor in any way and i can clearly see theyre putting a lot of thought and effort into their performance. and in the end even if i dont agree with how theyre doing it thats not my decision, its the directors decision for how she wants the character to come across so that the story can be cohesive. plus our director knows more about this play than any of us she literally did her thesis on it. but anyway what im saying is that you can not agree with your castmates acting choice while not being a fucking asshole about it
anyway whew thanks if you read this ramble lmao i just want theater to be a safer healthier kinder place and i care a lot about acting and theater. everyone be fucking nice for the love of god
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sunny, she/her
personality:
quiet around most people but Very talkative around those im close to, nice to everyone tho. i tend to randomly get super emotional and just send my loved ones long paragraphs about how much i love them. if i have feelings for someone i become a total simp.. like ill just be Totally soft for him. i like to think im super inquisitive, caring and kind, but i can also be very stubborn or disoriented
appearance:
5'2, black curly hair, big brown eyes, medium sized scar by my nose. for my fashion style, being cosy is also super important to me, basically kinda like alison's homewear ?
likes & hobbies:
loved ones, animals, long walks, drawing, sewing, singing, reading, 80s alt rock, learning (genuinely would be interested in literally anything ever), the colour green
dislikes:
inconsiderate/selfish people
people who are either too serious or people who dont know when to be serious,
the cold, my own clumsiness
what im looking for in an s/o:
someone incredibly sweet who loves me the way i love them, we're both supportive of each other and take interest in each other's interests. also preferably someone with a wacky/silly sense of humour to them, but who's also really smart!! like we can just discuss things deeply together? someone who actively tries to be a good person and will be emotionally open with me. my cultural background is important to me so someone who would learn about it or engage with it
random fact: im the youngest daughter out of 5 children
I match you with…
Jamie Winton!
Based on what you've told me, I think that Mr. Husband Material himself would be perfect for you.
Jamie would love that you're so willing to express your feelings for him! When he loves, he loves a lot and is so dedicated, so I think he'd be very happy with someone who matches that energy. You sending him long paragraphs about how much you care for him would definitely make him blush!
Though he has a tendency to be quite serious, Jamie can be a lot more relaxed and fun when he's feeling comfortable, so it's just a matter of being very patient with him. He'll do whatever he can to make you happy. He'd also love to have deep conversations with you, where you can talk about anything and everything.
And I think Jamie would definitely want to learn about your cultural background so he can engage in it with you. He adores you and wants to understand you as deeply as he can, so he's going to put in the effort!
Also, since he was raised as an only child, Jamie would think it was so cool that you have so many siblings! Though he'd be nervous at first, he'd love to get to know your family.
Want to be matched with a Baynton Boy? Check out all of the information here!
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Confliction Between The Brain and The Heart Pt4
Aliyah's POV
After about 20 minutes of looking through my closet I decided on a outfit just a croped tank ripped jeans a flannel and some shoes to match nothing special i decided to do a light makeup look considering i may have or may not have cried once or twice damn this girl I thought as I looked in the mirror
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Who is it" i said as I turned to look at the door
"It's me Becca can I come in"
I got up quickly to go unlock the door just happy to hear her voice
"Hey"I said as opened the door she looks beautiful I should probably tell her that what if she's here to break up with me
"Umm Aliyah"
"Oh sorry" I said as I moved aside to let her in"
"Look Becca I'm sorry I feel like such a asshole for the argument I don't want to rush you and im willing to wait as long as you need me to as long as we're together I'm happy and"
"Baby there's nothing for you to apologize for i understand that its not easy to date someone not out yet and I'm grateful for the time and effort you put into me even when it wasn't easy but I want to be able to go on dates wherever and whenever we want I want to be able to hold your hand in public it would also be nice for everyone to know that you are taken i swear to God if I hear one more person talking about how they would love to"
"Woah babe"
"Oh sorry I got a little off topic but what I was saying was I'm ready to start coming out so I can finally be me we can finally be us i already told Maddie well she kinda told me and we're going to tell the sorority tomorrow and go from there"
"Are you sure you're ready I just want you to do this for you not for me I just want you to be prepared for any outcome"
"I know that i have the support of the people who matter the most in my life and I can finally start bragging about who my girlfriend is and solve the mystery on why you are still single when everyone keeps throwing their self at you and blah blah blah"
"I can say the same for you im friends with the football team,the basketball team and I know a lot of people in frats you have no idea how many times I have heard them talking about how they would love to have you and how hot you are"
"When you hear people say those things does it make you jealous"
"No because I know that they are only wishing they had you but at the end of the day you're with me and I trust you one hundred percent which is something we still have to work on with you and that's okay besides I don't mind when you get jealous it's hot you get all possessive"
"Of course you would think that you asshole"
"Well with that dress you're wearing tonight I'm thinking a lot more "
"Oh really"
I stepped closer and grabbed her waist going in for a kiss that was met with with a face full of air as she turned her head
"Well to bad we still have a party to attend"
"You're such a tease I said with a pout what about later"
"Hmm I don't know maybe we'll see how the night goes"
I looked after her as she closed the door not able to wipe this stupid grin off of my face even after she left Rebecca Davenport what are you doing to me
Becca's POV
I woke up with a mix of feelings nervousness a headache from all the drinks I had last night trying to forget about everything excitement and doubt what if people hate me is what was going through my head over and over I was interrupted by my thoughts as I heard my phone go off
Ding
Aliyah:Good Morning beautiful are you doing ok you had a little more to drink than you could handle
I looked at my phone with a slight blush cringing as I remembered the amount of drinks I had last night
Becca:Aside from a headache im a little nervous about the coming out thing and also remind me to never drink again
Aliyah:I can try but we both know you won't listen to me
Aliyah: Do you need me to be there I cancel band practice it won't be a big deal
Becca:No it's fine i have to start doing things for me it's time fir me to take my power back and be who I've always wanted to be
Aliyah:That's my girl im proud of you hit me if you need me
KNOCK KNOCK
"I'm coming in" I heard Madison say from the other side of the door
"Looks who's up i expected you to be in a lot worse shape after last night"
"I have a little bit of a headache but other than that I feel fine"
"So are you ready to you know"
"As ready as I can be"
"There's nothing to be nervous about it's the sorority after all have you met us we have a couple girls who like girls here why would you think you would be treated any different"
"It's just not knowing what reactions I'm gonna get when I told my dad things didn't go well"
"I can assure that from us none of the reactions are gonna be negative we're a sisterhood who stick together"
"Yea im ready let's do it before I lose my edge and puke"
"So Kappa meeting" Madison said looking at me with a smile
"Kappa meeting" i said as I smiled back
We all sat in the living talking about random things like always the reason whi fell in love with kappa is because it's not like all the other sororities it's a actual sisterhood where you can talk about anything and not be judged
"Umm so we called this meeting because we I have something to tell everyone"
I looked up nervously at everyone looking at me intently I got nervous having everyone's undivided attention
I looked at Madison who was sitting next to me giving me a supportive smile as she placed her hand on mine
"I've been working on being myself lately and finding true happiness and during that time I started seeing someone who has taught me a lot about what it takes to truly be happy and has showed me what it feels like to love someone and actually mean it and not fake it because I feel like that's what I have to do and that someone is a girl
I was looking down as I felt Madison wiping a tear that I didn't know was there
I looked up to a room full of supportive smiles
"Well that explains a lot" I heard Chelsea say from my other side
"Yea we were just waiting on you to tell us"
"What but how"
"The secrecy"
"You dated one guy here and didn't give him the time of day"
"You have looked like you wanted to puke while being hit on at frat parties,everytime we brought up guys you would occupy yourself with literally anything else just like ANYTHING
"My gaydar is just always right"
I looked up wide eyed at the girls "Ok I get"
"Twins so me and Haley now have a new member for our girl gossip groupwhen the others are talkingabout boys" i heard Taylor say another girl from the sorority who is out and has been since she was 13
"So who is it" I heard Chelsea say
"Aliyah"
"Band Aliyah"
"Yup that's the one I said with a smile"
"Oh damn you have officially won" Hayley said reaching out for a high five
"Trust me I know" I said with a wide grin
Aliyah's POV
"And that's a wrap for today guys good practice"
"We're going to kick ass as always" Deja or basist said as she danced awkwardly
"Of course we couldn't do anything less" Cade said while packing up his drum sticks
If there is anything that this band doesn't lack its ego
"We were going out to get drinks you wanna join cade said as he finished up"
"I would have loved to but im busy tonight"
"Ohhh she's going out with her mystery girl" Zig said as hesat his guitar down
"Shut up I'll catch you guys later"
A couple of minutes later I pulled up to the sorority and did my routine of throwing rocks at her window to get her attention
"Hey dork"
I called out as I climbed the tree that was close to her window
She smiled and rolled her eyes as she opened the window to let me in "you know you don't have to do that anymore I told everyone here"
"Yea I know but it's more fun than using the door"
I smiled at her as I pulled her close to me "so how do you feel"
"I feel free like I can be myself but the sorority was only a start I have a lot more work to do"
"Well I'm proud of you and that star and we can start with everyone else at my show tomorrow night if you would like to come"
"Of course I'll be there"
"Great now i believe we were interrupted by a party last night so I would like to pick up where we left off"
Beccas Pov
I've spent my whole life following my BRAIN being unhappy for the comfort of others it telling me that you have to go to college get married to a man and have kids being told to do things the traditional way expected to be perfect not being able to listen to my HEART which was telling me that tge traditional lifestyle is not for me and you don't have to be perfect and you can love who you want to love your BRAIN can be a great thing to listen to sometimes when you see things in a logical way but your HEART even though it can lead to stupid decisions it can also lead you to amazing things when you follow it so I choose my HEART I choose happiness
#becca davenport#beccaxmc#becca × mc prompts#the sophmore#the freshman#the freshman mc#the senior#play choices#choices stories you play#coming out#wlw love#becca x mc#beccaxoc
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Hi, I love your writings ❤. I really enjoy reading them.
Um, can I request Oikawa Tooru with virgin!reader who is (sub, bottom); (praise kink, but doesn't know he has and kinda shy when he knows it); (has shy, soft, and really submissive personality) (3rd year student) ? Reader with Oikawa is a couple of lover, and a roommate. They usually do some cuddles in their bedroom that always started with Oikawa teasing the reader. One day, when cuddling, Oikawa asked reader if he wants to do something more intimate than cuddling and really feels good.
Sorry if that is too much. Thank you
king and his prince, (nsfw) oikawa x bottom!reader
pronouns: he/him (FEMALE ORIENTED DNI!!)
warnings: creampie, praise kink! flirty oikawa
a/n: oikawa is probs my least favorite character in haikyuu, im pretty sure i hated him at one point cuz of his personality. i later found out from many website i am unfortunately a oikawa kinnie (even tho i dont really think so but idk) explains all the self hatred lmao, again for the anon that requested it im sorry for the bad quality cuz i stayed up to write this at 6 am so undoubtedly there will be some mistakes
:(
_____
"y/n, my dear prince~ doesn't it feel good like this?"
"t-tooru…it feels good, i-it really does!" you said, messy hair and looking directly at your boyfriend.
"you look so beautiful when you enjoy it, keep up that pretty face won't you?"
oikawa tooru was too popular for your comfort at school. everyone liked him and they all had a good reason to, and that doesn't make you any different. you were shy and didn't catch a lot of attention so you were incredibly surprised that someone as popular as oikawa even wanted to talk to you.
you were smart and in fact smart enough to compete with oikawa. in fact the first time you caught his attention was when you corrected an answer, making him embarrassed in front of the class. he wanted to "settle this" only to find you harmless. later on he talked to you more and more. the contrast of personality of you two complimented each other pretty well. a cocky bastard who doesn't know how to shut up and a shy boy who likes to listen. inevitably the two of you grew closer as friends, so much to a point where you moved into the same apartment unit.
you didn't mind getting closer to oikawa, emotionally or physically with him being your crush and all so this was pretty much what you wanted, you just didn't think he would be the one to offer instead. being enclosed in a space together made oikawa get a lot more comfortable with you. random hugs here and there, maybe a little head pat, and sometimes leaning on each other's shoulders. it was practically a dream come true and you didn't think this could possibly get better until the man pulled something else out his sleeves.
one day you fell asleep watching the tv in the living room. the weather was a little chilly so falling asleep without a blanket near you wasn't the best idea. oikawa came home to find you shivering in your sleep so of course like the genius he is, he didn't decide to throw a blanket or carry you back into your bedroom and instead cuddled with you on the couch, leaving you wrapped around his arms basically unable to move when you woke up.
both of you would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it. therefore, this whole cuddling session became a regular thing between you two. oikawa being the big spoon and you being the small one. it went on for a while until both of you realized this might not have been the most normal thing that "friends" did. at this point you're pretty sure oikawa had feelings for you, or else he wouldn't have done a lot of the things he has. after a lot of urging from his friends, he finally decided to confess to you. despite him being the playboy he is, he was quite nervous this time, due to the fact that he had to say it to someone he actually has feelings for. so just like that, the relationship between you two finally became official.
another day you guys during your normal cuddling session, oikawa proposed an interesting idea, and to be honest you saw this coming.
"babeeeee, why don't we try something more interesting this time~?" oikawa said, staring at you with his arms around you.
you knew exactly what oikawa meant, you weren't stupid, but you know that he likes it when you act all innocent so you decided to do just that.
"hm? what do you mean tooru-kun? i don't think i understand?"
"oh…baby boy i know you know what i mean alright~" just as he said that the brown haired man grabbed you in for a kiss.
your tongues started to intertwine immediately. this was very much oikawa's style, aggressive and dominant, but soft and caring when he wanted to. the kiss was generally messy but you could tell that oikawa was putting effort into this with all his tiny and intricate movements. a string of saliva connected you after he broke the kiss. leaving you panting and gasping for air while he's on the other side with a sly grin.
"you ready for the next part now?"
"t-there's more ah-!" you gasped as your boyfriend pulled down your pants at once, leaving your hard cock to bounce out.
"of course there is~ we have to tend to this guy don't we?" he said, holding your dick and positioning himself to suck your dick.
yet again attacked by oikawa's mouth you just couldn't keep it for long anymore. it's like his mouth is heaven made or something and it will continue to turn you on and make you cum without fail.
"a-ah! tooru..i'm gonna cum! mmghm!" you said, shooting all your load straight into your boyfriend's mouth, which of course he gladly swallowed right after.
"t-that's it right? i don't think i'll be able to handle more, you know…" you said out of both fear and excitement.
however all you got in response was a smirk from oikawa as he slid off his shirt to reveal his perfectly toned abs.
"almost done, pretty boy."
something about that word, made your half flaccid cock immediately rise up and become as hard as your boyfriends again.
"heh? what a strange reaction, could this mean…" oikawa leaned in closer, enough so that all the hair near your ears would stand up and said,
"my prince likes to be praised?"
you've heard about this so-called praise kink before but didn't exactly think you'd be into it this much. your face turned redder than they already are and you just wanted to cover your face and run away.
"aw, c'mon, it's cute! and if you like it-' oikawa said, spreading your legs open, exposing your asshole and angling his cock head to the entrance of it.
"i might just praise you a little more than usual, hm?"
your boyfriend was hot but this was undoubtedly the most attractive he's ever been. towered over you whispering praises in your ear as he prepared you with his fingers for something bigger that's about to come next. without a warning oikawa began to inch his way into your ass, moving and adjusting his cock to fit your tight asshole.
"you're taking me so well baby...keep doing just that alright? i know you're so good for me aren't you?" oikawa said, leaning closer at you.
at a loss for words due to how flustered you are, you could only give your boyfriend a little nod and covered your face with your arms while flashing a little red on your cheeks once again.
"y/n, my dear prince~ doesn't it feel good like this?"
"t-tooru…it feels good, i-it really does!" you said, messy hair and looking directly at your boyfriend.
"you look so beautiful when you enjoy it, keep up that pretty face won't you?"
the praises that he showered you with were too much. you were already so sensitive since it was your first time and all. now with all these lustful words turning you on, you couldn't hold it in anymore and came onto your stomach while your boyfriend continued to make slow but deep thrusts onto your prostate.
your head was still a little fuzzy but you could still feel your boyfriend jerking his hips faster and faster, ending with a long thrusts at the end which wasn't hard to assume that your boyfriend came inside you, just like how you wanted it. before passing out from bliss, a hand cupped your cheek followed with a gentle kiss on the forehead.
"you did so well baby…i know you're tired so rest now, i'll be here alright."
you couldn't be more happy, with such a loving and caring boyfriend. that being said, you fell into his arms once again and slipped into your dreams even thought they have already become reality.
#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fanfic#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x reader smut#haikyuu x male reader#haikyuu x male reader smut#haikyuu smut#hq x reader#hq x reader smut#hq x male reader#hq x male reader smut#hq smut#oikawa#tooru oikawa#oikawa tooru#oikawa x reader#oikawa headcanons#oikawa x reader smut#oikawa x male reader#oikawa x male reader smut#haikyuu oikawa#hq oikawa#oikawa smut
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thh characters with a crush on you
warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major
oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much
a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)
also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*
edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY
spoilers under the cut!!
★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★
makoto naegi
when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous
nervous around you, that is
y’all saw how he was with sayaka
if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it
he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes
he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says
you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents
he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually
let’s hope his luck comes through 😁
byakuya togami
now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐
he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you
but it was hard not to
the way you preferred to get to the point
the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him
he's ruthless
anyways
you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources
he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself
and we all know how this mf feels about himself 😐
he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials
he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you
but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well
yeah they on his ass LMFAOO
kyoko kirigiri
kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious
she’ll probably just hang around you more
she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly
“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”
hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways
she finds you respectable
if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor
when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO
she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk
take her hand
pls
toko fukawa
y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick
yeah so 😁😁😁😁
no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾♀️ tendencies
she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast
but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya
i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational
the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again
if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids
you’ll most likely put two and two together
unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways
if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao
she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)
expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift
and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol
calls u a baka 😍😍
aoi asahina
i know y’all all see how she is with sakura
yeah.
aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them
she values you and your friendship very much
bring her donuts
just trust me bring her donuts
she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time
and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it
uh oh looks like we goin for a swim
sakura ogami
similar to kyoko, she’s very calm
despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl
she cares for you and your well-being very much
will indeed go on x games mode for you
the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken
kith her
naow
im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔
leon kuwata
flirtatious ass mf
and he’s lightskin
so this just cannot go well
y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder
yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO
he’s very confident
he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️
but
you feel.. different than usual ??
those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win
but you
he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time
he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance
he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all
he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you
he doesn't tell you in a grand way
probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin
he's chillin
mondo owada
you know
for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader
or just for being in a biker gang period
mondo’s a huge softie lol
yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends
so mfs need to be nice to you
or they gettin whooped
when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO
he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go
“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”
real smooth mondo i think you got em good job
please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny
he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it
but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾
also mondo would call his s/o doll
that is all
chihiro fujisaki
my fav dude in a dress <3
chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there
he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are
he cares about you v much
the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar
and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings
he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you
he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you
not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO
sweet lil boy
i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot
and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”
sobbing i miss him
kiyotaka ishimaru
okay here’s the thing
if taka were to like someone
i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)
or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO
so imma write a lil bit for both
in the case that he was even stricter:
he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place
of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well
if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY
but in the case he let up:
he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students
if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself
if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj
either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands
sayaka maizono
she will tell you
idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol
she’d make sure she’s sincere
she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything
ok bc
while i do think she’d tell you
i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel
like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile
and naturally, you're like :o
and of course you come to support her
and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out
for real this time
she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO
———
i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾
fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁
and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*
bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever
———
edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍
#danganronpa x reader#makoto naegi x reader#naegi x reader#byakuya togami x reader#byakuya x reader#kyoko kirigiri x reader#kirigiri x reader#toko fukawa x reader#aoi asahina x reader#asahina x reader#sakura ogami x reader#kiyotaka ishimaru x reader#kiyotaka x reader#ishimaru x reader#celestia ludenberg x reader#celestia x reader#celeste x reader#mondo owada x reader#mondo x reader#chihiro fujisaki x reader#chihiro x reader#leon kuwata x reader#leon x reader#sayaka maizono x reader#sayaka x reader#maizono x reader#danganronpa#trigger happy havoc#makoto x reader
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it’s my birthday soon and i’ve always felt lonely during my birthdays— so if it’s alright, can i request headcanons for scaramouche, xiao, and albedo with an s/o who only locks themselves in their bedroom because they don’t feel special enough to even celebrate their birthday? thank you 🥺
S/o’s birthday but locks themselves in their rooms because they don’t feel special [Genshin Impact]
Characters Included: Albedo, Scaramouche & Xiao
Notes: 👁👄👁 the title is so long- i don’t know how to shorten it- hshshs. Btw, HAPPY ADVANCE BDAY ANON-!! I KNOW THAT FEELING ANON- SO UR NOT ALONE 🤧🤧 if you want to talk, you can msg me anytime-! You deserve to be showered with love-! Hope ya’ll like this!
Reader’s Gender: Neutral
Warning: none
[aether, childe, diluc, kaeya, venti]
Albedo
As much as Albedo wants to remember your birthday, he just forgets because of many things running through his mind. Especially when it comes to new discovery. He’ll be so sorry when he remembered that your birthday was today-
At first, Albedo had a hard time looking for you. He asked everyone- yes even Diluc, Kaeya, Jean, Klee, everyone- but no one has seen you. Which made him worried since no one has seen you the entire day—
He would literally tear down Mondstadt trying to find you until he remembered that he hasn’t check your house yet. When he finds that you’ve been locked up in your room the entire day, it literally broke his heart- ;w;
He would feel like it’s his fault that you don’t feel special, like bro- he would have a sad puppy face on. He will put his hands on either side of your face and make you face him-
“You are special. You are like the sun. You are like a (God/Goddess). Even if you don’t feel special yourself, you’re special to me. And since you’re my beloved, my (prince/princess), you deserve all the happiness and love in the world. You deserve to feel special on your special day. So smile, I don’t want to see any tears.”
Albedo would do anything you want, probably to make up his forgetfulness- :p if you want cuddles, then cuddles you’ll get. If you want a cake or something, he’ll try to bake something, no promises though. (Its the thought that counts, right? 👀).
Albedo would use his ability of drawing and bringing them to life. He would draw all sorts of things, bunnies, squirrels, flowers, and others. He knew that you love watching him draw and bringing them to life. It honestly warms his heart knowing you love what he’s passionate about.
If you want, Albedo could talk to you about all the things he found out recently. All of the research and things he discovered. If you ever question some things regarding about what he discovered, he would happily try to explain it. (It’s honestly adorable seeing him explaining the things he discovered in his research- 🤧)
At the end of the day (around 11-), he would cuddle with you while laying beside you. Every so often, he would press a kiss on your head.
“Happy Birthday, my love. May many more to come... the next time your birthday come, I promise we’ll celebrate it together properly.”
Scaramouche
If you think that Scaramouche doesn’t care about your birthday, then you’re right-! 😃 I’m joking- (unless-). He honestly wants to spend your birthday together with you, but his duty as a Harbinger comes first.
Believe me when I say he feels guilty. Leaving you alone on your special day is honestly low, even for him. He would definitely try to finish all of his missions immediately to get back to you. He would do whatever means necessary to finish them all immediately (he might or might not have sacrificed some people in the process- 👀).
You can imagine his confusion when he couldn’t find you anywhere. He already has something set up for you, all he needs is the birthday person themselves. But he couldn’t you anywhere.
Someone better tell him to check your room or else he would literally tear down the Fatui headquarters just to look for you-! He seriously need to manage his anger- 😓
Scaramouche would find it weird to he finds out that you’ve been in your room for the entire day. At first, he didn’t understand why you’re doing this. But soon, he’ll understand. Afterall, he might’ve done that before..
This guy has no manner whatsoever as he just entered your room like he owns the place- one look at you and the next thing you know is that he’s pampering you- like he’ll be preparing a bath for you and choosing an outfit for you (he’s a fashionista, change my mind 😃). Like bro, who are you and what happened to Scaramouche?
“Tsk. You’re quite a handful, you do know that, correct? Making me go through all this effort to comfort you. Now tell me, who put that idea on your head? Was it your family? Was it someone else? I honestly want to murder whoever put that idea in your pathetic head. ‘Not special to celebrate your birthday’? Ha! Don’t make me laugh. Everyone deserves to feel special, even if its for one day. Now, stop being stubborn and enjoy it-!”
Scaramouche would pamper you so much, like his personality did a 180- he would be pressing kisses all over your body and praising you like theres no tomorrow. He would help you dry yourself and put on the outfit he chose for you. If your hair is long, he would help styling it.
He would take you on a fancy dinner date (this guy is also rich, fite me—). He would honestly spoil you lmao- so enjoy it while it lasts- 😃
“Don’t expect this everyday, okay? I’m not gonna put much effort the next time... still.. happy birthday, my beloved. Don’t ever feel like you’re not special when you’re special to me.. if you ever feel sad, come to me. Thank you for putting up with me.”
Xiao
(Yes I’ve remade the Xiao banner again- 🤧🤧 im very indecisive ik-)
Celebrating birthday? What’s that? Xiao honestly didn’t think much of it since centuries pass by with his day of birth passing each time, he never really thought much of it. Never bothered celebrating it.
But when he found out (from Verr or Rex Lapis/Zhongli) that the mortals celebrate their birthdays, he honestly doesn’t have a clue on how to celebrate it. So he might seek the help of Verr or the Traveller.
He does his best. Please give him credit for trying- ;;w;; He’ll try his best to make something for you. It won’t be anything grand. A simple picnic near Wangshu Inn with some Almond Tofu and other food-
So when the day of your birthday came, Xiao is nervous. He doesn’t know if you’ll like the surprise or not. But when he started to look for you, he was confused when he couldn’t find you before growing worried.
Unlike the other bois, he would immediately check your room before tearing the place down- when he finds you there, he’s honestly confused again- (poor bby, always getting confused- ;;w;;). When you explain to him that you just don’t feel special during your birthday, Xiao would get worried and upset-
The first thing he does is hug you. Like this is the only thing he knows about comforting someone- its not like he encountered humans that needs comforting- ;w;
“I.. don’t really know what it feels like to not feel special on your day of birth but.. you’re special to me. Isn’t that enough?”
Like broooo, he looks like a sad puppy- he’s honestly lost on what to do. You might as well need to comfort him too 😅. He would try to shower you with affections before dragging you to the picnic he set up.
He would be so relieved if you like or love the picnic he set up. As much as its embarrassing for him, he would allow you to feed him and, if you let him, feed you in return. He will continue to press some kisses on your face, head and hands. Because, like, u really deserve it- 🥺🥺
He would bring you to the highest mountain just near Wangshu Inn and enjoy the view, and possibly go stargazing with you. I can see him knowing how to make a flower crown for some reason :pp so he’ll make a flower crown out of Qingxin flowers and place it on your head-
“Happy day of birth, my love. Even as more days of birth come, I promise to make you special. Even though it’s not the grandest, I hope that my efforts and love will be enough.”
[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Liyue Page || [x] Fatui Harbingers Page
#🤧🤧#i feel like xiao’s is rushed tho-#hshsh#HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN-!#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#albedo#albedo x reader#scaramouche#scaramouche x reader#xiao#xiao x reader#genshin impact albedo#genshin impact albedo x reader#genshin impact scaramouche#genshin impact scaramouche x reader#genshin impact xiao#genshin impact xiao x reader#req ans❣️
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one and only
a/n: hi guys !! this one shot is inspired by this song by cuco ! I hope u all enjoy,, I went overboard again,, pls tell me what u think :] lyrics are in bold !
in which bucky slowly but surely falls for you
word count: 1.9k
masterlist
I hope that you wanna get to know me
Bucky smiled at you from across the coffee shop, both of you stealing glances at each other for the past hour. Finally mustering up some courage and walking to your booth.
"hi" he had breathed out, a smile on his face as you looked at him with wide eyes, a smile quickly breaking across your face.
"hi" you smiled, extending your hand out for him to shake, "y/n."
Bucky shook your hand quickly, pink dusting his cheeks, "I'm bucky."
"do you wanna sit? I can move some stuff so you have some room" you spoke quickly, fumbling as you moved all your homework and notebooks to the side, stacking them on top of each other.
Bucky slid into the booth with a soft smile, quickly striking up a conversation, flirting with you the whole time.
"I have to go soon" you frowned, putting all your stuff away as bucky got up from the booth. He held a hand out, helping you up and paying for both of your drinks and snacks.
"I had a really nice time" bucky flashed you a smile, your ears heating up.
"I- uh yeah I did too" you replied, looking at your feet as the two of you walked out of the coffee shop.
The two of you exchanged numbers, a bashful grin on both of your faces as you parted ways.
"text me when you get home" you had told him out of habit, blushing when you realized you had only met him today.
"I mean you don't have to" you added, fumbling with the string on your backpack.
"only if you do the same" he replied, a smirk on his face as your mouth formed an 'o' shape.
Bucky had texted you first, making your heart flutter. exchanging a few texts that night, bucky decided to get real brave.
I hope we can hang out again soon :)
And sure enough you did, meeting up at his favorite coffee shop only three days later. Getting to know each others interests.
As time passed you and bucky became closer, getting lunch together, texting each other often, having late phone calls almost everyday.
baby hit me up if you get lonely
You and bucky never really opened up to each other, even after one month of your little coffee and lunch dates. And so there you were, staring at your bedroom ceiling with an empty heart, dried tears on your face.
Your phone vibrated next to you, lighting up the room. You let it ring, not having enough energy to pick it up.
Bucky grew worried, you never just left him hanging like that, you always replied with why you didnt pick up within minutes. It had been an hour already.
everything okay ?
your phone buzzed and you looked over, seeing his missed call and texts. Sighing you replied, not wanting to bother him.
yea, just tired
Bucky frowned, his stomach twisting as he read your reply. Thinking for a moment before he texted you once again.
im here if you need me or need anything
Your bottom lip quivered, fresh tears streaming down your face.
do you think you can come over
your heart was heavy, you were stressed, tired and you wanted someone to tell you it was gonna be okay, instead you were alone in the dark, in an empty apartment with only the sounds of the city keeping you company.
on my way
Bucky was sweet. Bucky was caring and he was everything good in the world. Listening to you as you cried, dumping all your worries out into the air, rubbing your back and handing you tissues, getting you water.
He listened, he reassured you and he helped you through it, never being pushy and always reminding you that you were strong enough to get through it.
"and if im not?" you had whispered, looking at the floor with teary eyes.
"then im here to fight for you."
I know im not confused, my feelings here are true
Bucky opened up to you a few nights later, after ignoring your texts all day you showed up at his apartment, snacks in one hand and coffee in the other.
You listened to him vent, letting out all he had bottled up, all his guilt, his regret, his pain, everything.
You didnt judge him, you just got up, sat closer to him and hugged him, holding him tightly. Bucky relaxed in your arms, burying his face in your shoulder and letting himself cry, allowing himself to be vulnerable for once.
You woke up in each others arms the next morning, blushing when you both realized.
Bucky was red, you were about to start sweating, telling him you were gonna head home and would text him when you arrived.
After that he found himself more nervous around you, butterflies when he saw you. For the first time in decades he found himself styling his hair more and putting effort into his outfits.
on gloomy days like these wishing you were next to me
You sat on your couch alone, rain hitting your window steadily. You sent a text to bucky, asking him when he would be back from a mission he got dragged along. He replied quicker than you expected, your heart beating a little faster.
just a couple more days :)
okay hurry back safe I miss u :/
Bucky choked on his own spit at your text, Sam looking at him as if he was insane. Bucky ignored him, replying to your message
I miss you too dollface
You read the text over, squealing and jumping around at the pet name, face hot and stomach fluttering.
when im feeling puzzled, you put me back together
Bucky frowned, barely listening to you explaining a documentary you watched the other day.
"buck?" you asked, setting down your phone and looking at the super soldier, worry in your eyes.
"sorry I- what about the jungle?" he questioned, trying to push away his thoughts.
"talk to me James" you pleaded, hands moving to hold his own.
A few moments passed, quiet as bucky gathered his thoughts, tears welling in his eyes before he blinked them away and began talking.
"what if a part of him is still there? what if im not who Steve thought I was? what if im not what people want me to be?" bucky looked at you, teary eyed and broken.
"you're free bucky" you told him, scooting closer to him and he nodded.
"Steve would be proud of you, I mean look at you, you have a furnished apartment, you have friends, you're working with sam, you're building your life" you spoke, smiling at him.
"you shouldn't care what others want you to be, be who you want to be. Be who you are now" you squeezed his hands, letting him gather his thought as you stopped talking.
"am I good?" he mumbled, a small frown on his face.
"you are" you replied without hesitation.
"you like me as who I am now?" you nodded.
"me too" he smiled, leaning his head on your shoulder, your fingers brushing through his hair.
I wanna be your one and only
Bucky finally introduced you to sam, you were excited, having heard so much about him.
"what if he hates me" you worried, stopping in your tracks as you paced buckys living room.
"he'll love you doll" bucky reassured you, a knock at the door making your heart thump in your ribcage as you waited for bucky to open it.
And love you Sam did, talking your ear off and chatting with you all night. You struggled to catch your breath between his jokes, stomach hurting as he continued.
bucky hated it. only he had made you laugh that hard, the crinkles by your eyes were reserved for him and his bad jokes. bucky got up quietly and went to grab a cup of water, sam quickly excusing himself and following him into his kitchen.
"you are down bad" sam laughed and bucky rolled his eyes at him, gulping down his water, setting the cup down, eyes softening as he saw you on his couch, replying to some texts.
"you should ask her out soon, or else I will" sam teased, knowing it would push the super soldiers button.
"sam is actually leaving right now!" bucky smiled, sam rolled his eyes before playing along.
"aw, it was just getting good" you smiled, getting up and going to give sam a hug, wishing him a good night before he left.
You and bucky sat on the couch, the sounds from the movie filling the room.
"green isn't your color" you smirked, bucks eyes went wide.
"what?" he questioned, heart racing.
"cmon im not stupid, you were cranky the whole time sam was cracking jokes" you shrugged your shoulders, eyeing bucky.
Bucky was quiet, Sams words ringing in his ears.
"I like you y/n and I've liked you for a while and I-" he stopped himself, not wanting to say something he would regret. You let him think, heartbeat ringing in your ears as his confession rattled around in your brain.
"I want to be the one making you laugh, I want to spend rainy days with you and I want to go to the park with you on sunny days" bucky spoke, looking at you.
"I wanna be your one and only" bucky ended, eyes searching your face as he finished, worried about what you were thinking.
You had the biggest smile on your face, fidgeting with your fingers. Looking up your eyes met his blue ones, stomach in knots and heart skipping a beat.
"ask me then" you stated, never breaking eye contact.
"will you be mine y/n?" he spoke, voice trembling, he fidgeted with his fingers.
"of course" you replied, crashing your lips onto his, smiling into the kiss, breaking out into giggles when he pulled away and peppered kisses all over your face.
and if never is forever, then lets always be together
Sam pat bucky on the back, giving him a reassuring smile.
"Steve would be so happy for you" he whispered to him, a smile breaking onto his face, nodding to sam and looking up.
The whole team was there, sam standing behind him as his best man, your family with bright faces as the music began and everyone looked back.
The doors opened and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. His mouth fell open at the sight of you. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard but he didn't care, tears falling from his face as you smiled brightly at him.
You spent the whole ceremony the same way you had met. Stealing glances at each other and blushing deeply when you caught each other, holding back giggles and brushing it off as clearing your throat.
You were marrying the light of your life, the person who was there for you when you couldn't see the light, the one who always supported you and fought for you when you couldn't. Helping you grow into the person you wanted to become.
He was marrying the light of his life, the person who was his sun during his worst times, shining brightly for him and picking him up when he was upset. Helping him become the person he was meant to be.
#bucky imagine#bucky fanfic#bucky x y/n#bucky fluff#bucky x reader#bucky barnes#bucky barnes drabble#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes one shot#soft bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes x you#bucky drabble#bucky barnes x y/n
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I'm in need of some Andrea smut every time I read something about him there is no sex because this was in the 30's and it would be inappropriate to do it before marriage. So...let's get inappropriate (?
no mommy kink please, i can't cope with that
Actually this was going to happen v/ soon in my fic of Andrea BUT I'll write a quick drabble/one shot for you bc same! we need that in our lives :) I'll be doing gender neutral reader for dis ;) Warnings!! 18+ , loss of virginity, perhaps slight edging? oral on reader (female presenting) and NO mommy kink per request :)
Rules were rules. Marry a nice man, then lose your virginity. You had been following those rules. Even now, you lived alone in a small cottage on a hill. And you still haven't lost it. You never felt inclined too really...and you were fine with that. It's just everyone in the village usually was a kid or a senior. No one was around your age, so you preferred a secluded kind of life.
Even if that meant following rules you didn't want to follow. You hated that you didn't have a choice. You hated how your parent's voice replayed in your head over and over. Telling you “wait! get married first!” You were sick of it, you were desperate sure, not desperate enough to lose it to whoever you met, but then...
a new boy showed up, you learned his story since you were a bit close with Janet and Ursula, the old sisters who were housing the young man. So you met him, and god... he was just your type.
Plus they invited you over so he could play for you? meaning the violin. At first, you felt a little out of place... until he started playing. Needless to say, he was more than talented than you expected. You’d never heard anything like it, afterward, he wanted to talk to you surprisingly.
“What is you name?” he tried his best to speak, you were told his English wasn't the best so you found it more endearing than anything and applauded his effort since he’d only been here for a few weeks. So you looked to him, sitting beside you with wide eyes and rosy cheeks. His hair was a bit shaggy as he shook the hair out of his eyes.
“Oh, my name is (y/n).” You gave a warm smile, shifting in your seat to face him more. “And you are Andrea, yes?” and he nodded before he repeated your name warmly, and honestly you loved the way it sounded in his mouth.
------------------
Weeks passed, you visiting, Andrea playing for you, afterward, you would talk to Andrea, his English noticeably getting better. And sometimes he would even be a bit of a flirt. So one day you just asked the sisters if they would allow you to take him into town. You did your best to sound as friendly as possible and it seemingly worked.
You showed him a few of your favorite places, took him dancing to the pub. Though he wasn't a very good dancer, you had to kind of show him. Guiding his hands to land on your hips and pull you close, telling him to watch your feet as he got red because honestly he couldn't help but stare at your face.
Then finally he asked to see your home. And you couldn't help be nervous, he had been making eyes at you all day, smirking like a cat with cunning eyes. Like he had so much more in that head of his, thoughts that he wasn't sharing. Plus he was already holding hands with you, keeping you close to him as he kept calling you ‘Liebling.’ And of course you didn't refuse him, not at all. So by the time, you were halfway up the path on the mountain and he slowly stopped walking, staring at you with a sweet smile.
“Something the matter Andrea?” you questioned- confused as to why he had stopped. He moved slowly, stepping closer to you, leaning in, quickly pressing a kiss to your cheek. Then backing away, checking your eyes for permission. You nodded and Andrea knitted his brows together, exhaling through his nose as he slowly moved to press a kiss to your other cheek. Gently. Wonderfully. Then your forehead. The tip of your nose, then finally his mouth hovered over your own. Breath shaking with feverish anticipation.
You ached to lean in and finish what he started, but you wanted to see if Andrea would do it himself, and after about 5 nervous seconds you felt him roughly slot his lips against your own.
You were lost, blindly lost to pleasure and yearning. You barely realized the way you pulled him up the hill, mouths slotted together as you rushed backward, your back soon up against your door, your hands at his waistband, he moaned against your mouth.
And soon enough you were turned around and inside and he was walking backward as you led him to your bed. Pushing against his chest as he sat and you climbed his lap. Kissing him so harshly you felt your teeth clink against his own, embarrassed you pulled back, your hand coming to your lips.
“I apologize, Andrea-” You were breathless, with shy eyes and flushed cheeks.
He looked the same, though less embarrassed. More lustful than anything.
“No, no-” He started softly. “You are wonderful.” He spoke slowly, catching your eyes as he brushed your hair out of your face with his thumbs. Putting a strand of hair behind your ear lovingly.
“But...I need-” He started up again, and he groaned out, almost a whimper really, like he was in pain and that's when you felt something poke against your inner thigh, and then you understood. You ground forward and watched as his mouth fell open. Andreas eyebrows furrowing, his face growing red, a moan caught in his throat.
“Oh, you wonderful creature.” You mused. Almost amazed at the power you held over him. So you did it again and again until he was begging for you to let him cum.
“Please...Please (y/n)-” He buried his face into your neck, his large hands on your waist, fingers digging in deeply, his shoulders going tense at your dry humping.
A part of you was nervous honestly. You didn't know if Andrea was also a virgin, but judging by his closeness already ...you were gonna bet on the fact he was, but then again you didn't know what you were doing anyway.
So instead, you simply stopped. And he stopped breathing. He was frozen actually, and you wondered why, a part of you wanted to laugh, he was curled up into you, unmoving, holding you.
“Andrea?” you questioned and finally he moved, looking up at you,
“I do something wrong?” he slowly drawled out, voice tiny and nervous and you shook your head. “No, of course not I just...have you ever done this before?” It was your turn to be tiny and nervous now, especially self-conscious.
He gulped, Andrea understood. And he slowly shook his head ‘no’
“I'm sorry,” he whispered and it almost broke your heart.
“Oh my love, no! You have nothing to be sorry for. I have never...done this... either. So it's okay Andrea. And...and honestly, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to.” You cupped his face, giving him a warm smile and he returned one. Slowly pressing a kiss to your lips.
“I want you.” He whispered after breaking the kiss barely.
And that was all you needed to push him back on the bed so he was laying down. You climbed atop him, undoing his pants slowly. He raised himself on his elbows, watching you, breathing heavy, eyes flickering back and forth between you and your hands.
And suddenly he took your hand, putting it away from him. Softly and gently and lovingly. “first you. Let me...help.” He muttered, looking to you for permission and so you switched roles and he was helping you undress from your light dress.
And you were naked and self-conscious and nervous in front of him.
But he was smiling, eyes running over your perfect form. You were perfect to him, everything about you, even the things you considered a flaw, he would reach out, brushing his fingertips lightly over them. He muttered how you were beautiful before reaching with both hands to your thighs. Parting them slowly, gently as all his movements were.
He slowly moved off the bed, to his knees as he pulled you to the edge of the bed, your legs over his shoulder, his eyes on yours, looking up to you the entire time. Your hands gripped the blankets harshly and nervously. But you nodded at him and he leaned forward, delving his tongue over your entrance. And you moaned, the feeling making you throw your head back.
And he did it again, though opening his mouth even wider, taking you into his mouth, his tongue lapping up your wetness. Moving up to run over your clit. And you shivered, sensitive all over.
He realized that was the spot, so he did it once more and got the same reaction, actually an even bigger one. Your back was beginning to arch. Toes curling.
And he kept eating you out- tongue sometimes delving into you, into your warmth and he would moan against your wetness and heat. Eyelashes fluttering and closing as you would spread your legs further, pushing your cunt against his mouth- thighs shaking and quivering as you felt a knot of heat in your lower stomach slowly coming closer and growing bigger. And finally you were gripping his hair, pulling as he whimpered against you.
“Oh Andrea- Andrea Im so- Im going to-” You could barely get a full comprehensible sentence out before your thighs were convulsing around his head and your back arching and a loud moan was drawn out from deep within you moaning- screaming his name as a intense orgasm slapped you right across the face, and god- you were exhausted in all honesty. You even fell back on the bed, his tongue still on you though as if he couldn't get enough, nose sometimes even nudging up against your clit as he hungrily and greedily tasted everything in you.
And as much as it was amazing soon you were becoming over sensitive and with each lick and moan of his against your pussy you were being shocked, body twitching and you pulled back, breathless, a mess for a lack of a better term.
And you began to chuckle as well as he rose up now, smirking at you, his lips and chin, all slick with your wetness and his own spit. And you grinned right back at him, and pulled him down to meet your mouth as you kissed him, without a care in the world. It was almost satisfying to taste yourself on Andreas tongue.
But finally you broke the kiss, cupping his face as you knew what came next. “Your turn my love.” You muttered. Sitting up now as you went for his belt, undoing it slowly, hoping he wouldn't stop you again. Though it was worth it last time. But he allowed you to- Andrea even began unbuttoning his shirt. Throwing it to the floor along with your dress, as you followed up with taking off his belt and pulling the pants away- his cock finally free and hard. Fully upright, beads of pre-cum forming at his reddened tip. He was so desperate, it was clear in his expression. Mouth slightly agape as he watched you.
You thought for a moment, wondering on what you should do now. On what position and honestly how all of this was gonna go. A part of you was scared as you shuffled back on the bed, and patted the space beside you, signaling him to come be by you, but first he began shuffling out of his shoes, then along with his pants until he was fully naked. The look on his face signaling he didn't want you to feel self conscious with him being half clothed, so he decided he too would be fully undressed for this.
He moved beside you now, huffing out a short breath, nervous. It was clear so you pulled him close, kissing his jawline softly.
“Lets go slow, yes?” You mumbled to him softly. He looked up at you, shoulders tense as he nodded. “Yes mien Liebling.” he whispered back, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he furrowed his brows again for you were laying back now, resting your head on the pillow as you slightly spread your legs for him to fit in between. So he moved to lean over you, head of his cock teasing against your lower belly softly, it made him whimper as you couldn't help but giggle as you looked up to him, he looked beautiful this way.
“Should I- uhm..” he stuttered, cheeks burning red as he lowered himself slightly, trying to align himself with your entrance.
“Yes Andrea- go ahead.” You bit at your lower lip, eyes gazing as he closed his eyes, throbbing tip budding at your opening, he pushed his hips forward, his tip sliding in before it slipped upwards, you really were that tight- though you felt bad, for if you were more relaxed it would've gone in easier. “I apologize-” you mutter, exhaling shakily but he shakes his head.
“No- not your fault.” Andrea shares a calming smile, his eyes shining as he looks deeply into your eyes. “I try again.” he reassured and positioned his cock to your entrance once more, this time sliding it in your slickness and heat easily. You held your breath, feeling him stretch you wide, Andrea on the other hand groaned out, whimpered as his head fell into the crook of your neck. You couldn't imagine how sensitive he must be at the moment.
He kept sliding in until he couldn't anymore, and he filled you to the brim, you felt so full and couldn't help but moan softly, your hands going to the back of his nape, playing with his hair, twirling it around your fingers, admiring the feeling of his warm body atop of yours, holding you. he stayed still, immediately understanding you would need some time to adjust. So you two stayed still, breathing and trying to figure this all out, he lifted his head, and you just stared at him until the two of you broke into small laughter. Warm chuckles filling the air around you, and you caught his lips softly, he laughed into your mouth even- so shy and nervous, Andrea couldn't help it.
But after a minute of kissing and nervously giggling you finally felt ready. You broke the warm kiss. And caught his eyes. “Andrea I think I'm ready...move...please?” You muttered shyly- you didn't want to sound demanding but were soon relived when he just smiled at you. Giving you a look as to say “of course.”
And he pulled out halfway, inhaling deeply as he then slid back in setting up a pace, not to fast not to slow, just right honestly. And that's when you felt the pleasure slowly beginning to take over the slight discomfort. When he soon began pumping into you like a animal in heat. You moaned his name over and over, arching your back as you watched his face turn desperate. He would mutter in polish and German. whispering into your ear and you couldn't help but scratch at his back. He changed his angle slightly, cock hitting your g-spot.
“Oh! Oh Andrea you- oh fuck.” You cursed, closing your eyes. “Yes harder please.” you moaned out, feverishly. Everything felt so hot, you were even sweating across your forehead slightly.
And he did as you commanded, pushing harder, fucking into you, moaning brokenly each time he pushed in. The squeeze of your pussy around him making him lightheaded even. He dropped his head to your chest eventually. Tongue finding its way to your nipple. Opening wide and sucking on your breast. And you felt so sensitive, everything overwhelming you but in the best way possible.
“Oh yes, yes-” you chanted, breathless and suddenly wrapped your thighs around him, flipping the two of you over so you were on top, he gasped- eyes wide as he looked to you, his face becoming flushed once more- the sight of him was enough to push you to the edge as you began to bounce on his cock, suddenly reaching you climax, steadying yourself by putting your hands to Andreas chest- your back arching as you clenched around his cock, falling forward now- pushing your lips together.
He kept thrusting into you though- desperate to cum inside, “Please- please.” He begged for release, closing his eyes as you groaned softly, your insides sensitive as you sat back up, and it only took 2 bounces on his cock for Andrea to be moaning out your name- as he gripped your thighs and soon you felt his warm seed fill you up, he whimpered and fucked into you harshly now- sitting up and pulling you close, fitting his mouth over your tit to muffle the shameful sounds spilling out of him.
As he fucked through his climax he soon began to slow down, exhausted as you moaned- feeling him suck your nipples softly now, closing his eyes as his breathing calmed.
You ran your fingers through his hair softly. Kissing the top of his head- satisfied now and he now popped off your tit, lips a bright color that matched his cheeks. He smiled at you and you grinned back, pressing a kiss to his nose. You raised yourself off of him, and you felt his warm seed inside of you, you adored the feeling as you rolled off and laid down- he lowered himself to be by you.
“You were amazing Andrea- absolutely wonderful.” You sighed softly as his hand reached your stomach, drawing invisible lines with his fingers over the soft skin. Andrea shyly smiled now. “Danke.” he whispered in German, you knew what it meant and chuckled softly.
“Im sleepy.” you whispered, and it was true- your eyes were heavy and Andrea nodded. “Sleep.” he kissed your cheek warmly. And so you did, you fell asleep to him cuddled beside you, humming a tune that was familiar to you.
#Daniel Bruhl#daniel brühl#Ladies in Lavender#Andrea Marowski#andrea marowski x reader#loss of virginity#first time on tumblr#this is so soft pls#hope you enjoy this oneshot guys#sorry it took so fckin long
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A Wife for Thor Pt.22
Obstacle
04/08/2021
Pairing: King!Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,413
Warnings: angst, jealousy, marital problems, pregnancy, allusions to cheating (no actual infidelity), fluff, smug Loki
A/N: It took me SO long to get this chapter down. I wrote literally like a few sentence a day for a bit and then finally got some good chunks out. This has been a tough week but this chapter makes it all worth it! I hope y’all think so too. A lot of good stuff happens in this chapter, as in stuff that I really like. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work!
Please DO NOT repost my stories on any other sites or blogs.
REBLOGS are always welcome!
The shuffle around the palace as Loki escorts you through the front gate is overwhelming.
It’s safe to say that judging by your reception when you’d shown up in Heimdall’s tower located on the far side of the city, the Asgardians are happy to see you.
Armod is also happy to see you and you rush to get into your car before you can get swarmed by eager Asgardians.
Loki joins you in the back seat and lets Armod gush over his happiness at seeing you back home and healthy. And pregnant! More than anything, the people are happy to see the swell of your belly.
Many of the women are crying as you step out of the car at the palace gate, the men cheering enthusiastically.
Some of the children have found flower petals to throw into the air and it rains white, pink, and yellow blossoms.
It's the small waving hand of a little girl with ebony floor length braids that tugs too hard on your heartstrings and you give in to your impulse.
“Armod, stop the car, I’d like to greet the people,” you ask, swayed further by the eager faces of the young girl's siblings who flank her..
As much as being Queen had come unexpectedly and as much work as it's been, loving the Asgardians has never been a challenge and you've missed your people.
Their kindness has always been the best part of your day.
Armod gives Loki a quick look but stops the car just as the palace gates are opening.
He pulls over to the side, putting it in park before hurrying out to open the door for you.
“Are you sure?” Loki checks, reaching over to place his hand over yours on the seat.
“Of course. I owe them this. I’ve been gone for so long.”
“If you’d rather go in, we can find an excuse.”
“Loki,” you laugh once. “Is something wrong? Is there a reason I shouldn’t get out of the car?”
“Not at all,” he assures you. “I just don’t want you to force yourself. I know this pregnancy hasn’t exactly been easy on you.”
“I’m okay. And I’m sure they wanna see the proof that they have an heir coming. Really, Loki, I don't mind.”
Loki sighs, but gets out quickly to move around and take Armod’s place and offer you his arm.
Taking it, you pull yourself out, and after a long moment to steady yourself on your feet, you turn to face your people.
A large number of Valkyries suddenly pour from the open palace gateway and you wait as they line themselves in front of the gathering crowd. A simple border of control to keep you safe.
The people don’t seem threatened by the guard either and they continue to cheer until you raise your hand and call them to silence.
It only takes a few seconds for the noise to die, leaving only the ambient sounds of the city, wind, and the shuffling feet as more Asgardians and visiting humans gather.
“Hello,” you begin, voice a little shaky from nerves. “I’m...I-I’d like to start by first apologizing for disappearing. And then for being gone so long.”
The people watch and listen attentively, hanging on your every word. As your hands drop down to your belly to stroke it anxiously out of habit, their eyes are drawn to it and they seem to rattle with excitement again.
Looking down at your tummy, you contemplate the little one inside and the kicks he gave you earlier in the day.
He's really in there.
“It’s been a long journey to do what’s been expected of me. Difficult, actually. Giving you and Thor what we’ve all been hoping for is a privilege though. It's important that you all know that.
"However, I'm not as strong as all of you. I'm not as resilient. As soon as I knew that I was expecting the future prince or princess of New Asgard, I knew that I had to take precautions. I had to stop thinking like your Queen and just for a while, think like a mom. I told Thor that I wanted to take some time away from my duties as Queen if only to make sure that my pregnancy would take. In order to ensure the health of this baby.
“Im so very sorry if I caused any of you any worry or pain by disappearing. That was never my intention and it makes me...I can only say that I'm sorry. I hope that you all can understand why I left. The The thing is I’m happy to say that my efforts weren't wasted, clearly."
There's a rumble of gentle laughter that flows through the crowd and breaks the slightly somber mood your speech is causing. You give them a smile and they smile back.
"And while that does make me very happy, it has not been easy to carry this baby. I have been sick and weak but after some rest I'm now feeling stronger than ever. With the constant and careful care provided by Doctors Wilson and Alric, I’m finally able to resume my duties as Queen with the knowledge that this baby is strong and healthy and my body can take the strain of bringing him-or her into this world.
“I’m so happy to be back among my people, my home. You all are my family and it fills me with such joy to know that I have made you all proud.”
The people cheer, more and more gathering along the street so that it’s now clogged and impassable. Others have taken to peeking out of windows from the surrounding buildings or finding balconies and roofs to stand on to get a better look at you.
Their excitement changes to trepidation at the look on your face as you realize that now is the perfect time to address what happened yesterday.
They’re so attuned to your mood that they quiet down again and wait nervously for you to speak.
"On a more serious note, I know that many of you must have been shocked by the lies spewed onto the pages of the Watch. And I'd like to be as clear as I possibly can about my absence from the palace.
"I only left because of the concern I had for our future prince or princess. There was absolutely no other reason for my absence in our great city. While it is true that something did happen between Thor, Jane, and myself--well, I will only say that now I know that His Majesty the King of Asgard is wholly devoted to me and our family, just as he has been from the moment he accepted me as his wife.
"Not that I ever doubted it," you lie. No one needs to know how bad things are and it is true that now you know Thor is devoted to you.
So, it's not completely a lie.
"As a people," you continue. "We'll need to be vigilant about the people we choose to trust to come into our homes. We will be more cautious now, and as a woman…"
You swallow hard, thinking about the words itching on the tip of your tongue to tumble forward and make your heart clear. Maybe it's not right to say it? Maybe it isn't the queenly thing to do?
You don't care.
"As a wife and a soon-to-be mother, I will say that Doctor Jane Foster is not welcome in my home. She has proven to be unworthy of the trust we placed in her and while her expertise is an invaluable commodity that I am sad to lose, I would rather have the second best than risk the stability of my family."
To your surprise, there are a flutter of approving nods and smiles, wives and husband's looking scandalized by the confirmation that something went down but clearly it was Thor that had Jane kicked out. A few cheers come but they quiet down quickly.
"My love for His Majesty is unwavering. As is his for me. No marriage can be without it's struggles but Thor and I are as united as we have ever been. Both in love, devotion, to each other and you, our people. Together we will strive to protect this kingdom to the best of our abilities and with this child, I hope we can begin to lay down proper roots for us so that everyone on Earth will know that New Asgard is here to stay."
The crowd cheers. It's deafening and your hands are trembling so terribly even clenched into fists they shake.
"LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!" someone shouts and the others fall into the chant as it's picked up by what sounds like everyone in the crowd.
A cool hand presses against the center of your back and you lean towards him as he whispers in your ear.
"That was beautifully done, Y/N," Loki admires. "Now come along. You need your rest."
You cradle your bump and the crowd cheers louder as you wave while Loki leads you back into the car.
As it pulls away from the curb, the Valkyrie turn to follow behind you. Faces full of stern pride. Their gleaming armor shining bright in the late afternoon sun.
The large wooden and steel reinforced gates of the palace close with a thundering clatter and you lean back, heart suddenly clenching painfully. Your stomach turns and you feel like you might throw up.
You shut your eyes and open the window allowing the cooling air to help drive your nausea away.
"Y/N? You alright?" Loki checks, putting his hand on your arm.
"I'm fine," you assure him, unwilling to open your eyes.
"Are you sure? Only, you're looking a little green."
That doesn't actually happen does it? Do people look green when they're gonna throw up?
You assume he's exaggerating, but as the last bit of the swirl in your belly passes, you look at him with fearful eyes.
"I'm nervous," you admit.
"To see Thor?"
"Mm," you nod.
"He's missed you. He will probably try and hug you. Might even kiss you."
"I don't know if I can handle that, Loki."
"You'll have to. The guards around the palace are sworn to secrecy about anything that happens in here, but with the amount of information that magazine was able to get we're pretty sure there's a mole amongst our number."
You look away from him, frowning because the last thing you want is to hug and kiss Thor.
Well, that is, you really want to do those things. Which is why you shouldn't. Not until you can be around him with some kind of rational thought and control over your feelings.
You need to get a grip and come to terms with the reality of your situation before you can let yourself love hum.
You have to protect yourself.
It turns out that you have nothing to worry about.
Estrid who had come before you with your things is there to greet you. A few others of the palace staff come to see you and you're welcome back with fondness.
Because you know you have to play the part, you look for him.
"His Majesty had a sudden summons from the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, my Queen. He apologizes for missing your arrival but he's had the small dining room filled with all of your favorites.
"When you are finished with dinner, he has asked that you wait for him in his study."
Estrid's tone tells you she's wary for you. She wants to make sure you're okay.
The disappointment you feel gives you away not only to yourself, but everyone there to see your face fall as you caress your belly.
"A blessing in disguise?" Loki suggests in your ear for just you, but the smile on his lips says he knows better.
"He'll be back before it gets too late, Your Majesty," Estrid assures you, trying to soothe your sadness. "He promised. There’s nothing more he wants than to see you."
"I know," you smile at her, then the others before you head for the dining room, your stomach grumbling in anticipation of the foods you know are waiting.
~~~~~~~~~~
Waiting is torture. You keep trying to read your book but your attention is pulled back to the door of Thor’s study every few seconds.
You groan, dropping the book onto the desk before throwing your head back with scrunched up eyes.
How is it possible to be desperate to see someone while also dreading it?
It feels like you'll die if you don't lay eyes on Thor but also like it'll tear you to shreds if you do. There's no winning here.
You gasp as the door opens and get to your feet in the same breath.
Thor's body is rising and falling heavily with his own labored breathing. He'd been running.
To get to you? No. You can't be swayed.
"I'm here."
His declaration is soft but heavy with meaning. More than just him announcing his arrival.
"Oh, aren't you a vision," he gushes.
"Hi," you whisper, only because you can't catch your breath.
He's wearing jeans, a plain black t-shirt stretched across his bulging chest. He's even more massive than you remember. Three months away has deprived you so fully that suddenly being in his presence leaves you hungry for him.
You want him so much.
"I've missed you, desperately," he confesses. "May I greet you properly?"
You frown, so undecided.
"Or not," Thor relents. "Forgive me, I just got caught up in the moment."
Why is this so hard?
You want to feel him.
"You can greet our baby properly," you give in.
A big part of you needs to feel him and this is the only way you can give in and feel like you're still doing your best to hold strong in your resolve to get some distance.
Thor’s eye lights up and quickly finds the swell of your tummy with recognition.
"Really?"
"I will never keep you from our baby, Thor. Even if I'm not ready for things to go back to normal between us just yet."
Thor takes a half step towards you and watches you carefully for any indication that you're not comfortable with his proximity.
You sigh, head tilted to the left slightly before you hold out your hand to him, beckoning him closer.
In three long strides Thor takes your hand and stops when he's only a foot away.
"Here," you gasp.
Your heart is in overdrive. Thor’s touch is doing things to your body. There's an initial rush of butterflies in your stomach and quickly you pull Thor’s hands to the spots where your baby is kicking in response.
Thor’s body freezes. He goes rigid. He even stops breathing.
For a moment you begin to worry that maybe you've broken him, until he suddenly drops to his knees.
He swallows hard, eyes pooling as he stares at the swell of your stomach as the baby continues to kick.
“They’re really in there,” he’s so choked up about it that his voice cracks around the words.
As he speaks, the baby kicks more.
Thor laughs but then leans in to kiss your stomach over the fabric of your dress.
“We really made her,” Thor gushes.
“Her?”
He looks up at you, confused for a second before he smiles wide, “Or him. It doesn’t matter. What matters is our baby is coming.”
Your heart swells, and you’re so happy that you could float away like a hot air balloon with the warmth flooding your limbs.
This is the moment you’d dreamt of. This is the moment that had been stolen from you by Jane and her lies. This is the moment that you and Thor had both been yearning for.
He’s so caught up in it, floating through the glow of this perfect moment that he presses his lips to your tummy again two more times before he’s rising, his hand hooked behind your neck as he meets your lips as he gets to his feet.
You’re so unprepared for it, so utterly lost in this sweet exchange between him and your baby that your lips pucker on their own.
He opens his eye and yours, already open, stare into his. He looks slightly shocked to find himself kissing you but he doesn’t stop.
Instead, his expression shifts into a pained look of desire. He pulls back, his hand dropping to grip your bicep.
“I would say that I’m sorry but I have been wanting to kiss you since the moment I left you three months ago.”
You say nothing, watching him, listening. You’re searching your soul to see if this is okay with you because it feels okay. Despite the sirens blaring in your mind about the restrictions you’d set for yourself when you’d decided to come back home, your body is telling you it needs this. Your heart is painfully aching at Thor’s touch.
You’ve missed it. You’ve missed him.
“Is this alright? I can go.”
The idea of him going now feels like the end of the world. Rationally, you know that isn’t an appropriate response to his offering to leave you be, especially when you know you asked him for space for specific reasons.
“No,” your hands grip the sides of his t-shirt tightly, holding him in place without any actual strength since compared to him, you’re as mighty as a little mouse.
You refuse to look up at him, despite the crumbling of your resolve.
“No, don’t go.”
It’s an almost involuntary shy response to your diminishing shame at losing all control after his touch. After one kiss. You should be disappointed in yourself. And part of you is. However, that part of you grows increasingly small as Thor gently takes hold of your chin and guides your gaze up until you can meet his.
“I’m sorry, cherub. I will try and be worthy of you again.”
“I know,” you admit, knowing how sorry he’s been from the moment he realized that he’d done something that hurt you badly. “I know you are.”
“Can I kiss you, cherub?”
His voice is so deep, so alluring and coaxing that you drop your gaze again, fixing it on his collarbone before slowly you nod.
His arm winds its way around your waist and he pulls you to him before dipping down and catching your lips with his again.
He pulls away after a second because the swell of your belly gets in the way, but he laughs and looks down at it.
The pleasant sound of his happiness gives you too much joy.
As you begin to smile, Thor reaches down to press one hand to the side of your stomach while he pulls you against him again and kisses you this time with more fervor.
The longer he has his lips pressed to yours, the more enthusiastic he gets until finally you’re breathless and you pull back but instead of pulling away, you wrap your arms around him and fist the back of his t-shirt,
You bury your face against his wide chest and Thor brings his hands back up to caress the sides of your face, his lips kissing the top of your head.
“I know I may not have a right to say this, but thank you for coming home. Thank you for coming back to me. I thought I’d lost you."
His arms grow a little tighter, his heart is in an absolute stampede.
You turn your head sideways so that you can listen to his heartbeat.
"This is what I'd wanted," you whimper, starting to be overcome with the emotion of being reunited with Thor and things falling into place more easily. "This is how I'd wanted us to share this moment."
Thor sighs heavily, giving you one more squeeze before he pushes you back a little so that he can look at you.
“I’m so sorry that I robbed you of that. I was a fool,” he nods, his eye intense as he stares into yours with wordless declarations piercing into you.
The memory of your speech with the people when you arrived pops into your head and now with Thor’s arms around you it all feels a little like an overreaction. The past three months feels like a distant nightmare.
Or does this feel like a dream?
“Thor,” you begin but Thor’s lips are on you again, drowning out your words.
“Oh, to hear you say my name,” he declares and kisses you again.
Your mouth opens for him and you absolutely melt against his chest as he nearly dips you in passion.
He pulls back again, “Is this real?”
He kisses you.
“You feel so good in my arms.”
He kisses you.
“Your skin is so…” but then he hums and kisses you.
He dips down and with his arms tight around your waist but also careful with the swell of your stomach, he lifts you so that you’re level with his eye.
“I love you, so much, my cherub. Thank you, thank you for coming home. Thank you.”
“I’m sorry I stayed away,” you sigh. “I need to be strong without you, Thor. I was hurt but I never stopped loving you.”
His face goes through shame, understanding, and then elation.
In a burst of subdued anger and aggression for what he put you through, you reach up and grab his shoulder. You dig your fingers in against the taut muscle then reach up to pull one of his ears.
You’re clearly not hurting him but he allows you to move his head, understanding the need to express your anger even if you’re not doing any damage.
“Never do that to me again,” you growl. “Never say that you’ll leave me. Why would you say that? Even in passing? You were so damn sure.”
“No, Y/N, I wasn’t. The moment I saw you, I knew that I could never leave you. I’m sorry. I could never even think those thoughts again.”
“You better not, or I won’t come back next time. I’ll disappear and you’ll never see me again.”
Thor takes your threat for what it is. A promise. Truth.
He shakes his head as he leans forward to press his forehead to yours, shutting his eye.
“I swear,” he begins. “On my life.”
He keeps you there, hovering over the ground with your heads together for a few minutes before he slowly lowers you to the ground. You realize it’s because he wants to stroke your belly and you take a slight step back so that he can.
He smiles, happy. It reminds you of the look your people had when you’d arrived only a hundred times as possessive and joyful.
Again, your speech intrudes on your reunion and this time, you won’t let him distract you.
“Thor,” you coax, placing your hands over his where they rest on the sides of your stomach.
“Yes, my cherub?”
He’s excessive in the affection he puts in his voice but you know that he must be floating on cloud nine after what you both went through when you made him leave you at your house.
“I-I did something and I’m not sure if it was right of me to do it,” you watch his brow wrinkle and for a split second you almost lose yourself in the beauty of his face.
Has he always been this handsome?
“When I got back I kinda made a speech? Everyone was so happy to see me and to see me carrying our heir and I wanted to apologize to them for leaving and for making them worry. I wanted to share in their excitement for the baby and with that stupid tabloid having come out yesterday-”
“Right, the article,” there’s guilt in his voice despite there being no truth to the rumors it printed.
“I wanted to put their minds at ease and I...I did confirm that something happened with Jane but not what they were thinking.”
Thor’s expression hardens just a tad and he pulls backs towards a large armchair. He grabs your hand though and pulls you along with him until he can sit and then carefully attempts to offer you his lap, unsure if you’ll sit.
You do, because you’re tired and because you’re not eager to be away from him again. Now that you’re touching him, you’re not in a hurry to change that again.
“What did you say exactly?”
Swallowing hard, you lick your lips nervously, “Um...I told them the truth. Not exactly the truth, but enough of it that they’ll understand that Jane isn’t welcome here. I said that the only reason I left is for my health and the health of the baby, which is true. I didn’t want them to worry about us because even if we didn’t reconcile, I want us to be united for them at least.
“But I don’t trust Jane, Thor. Not after what she did. Not after how she treated me when you weren’t looking, and the people need to know that I will protect them from anyone, no matter who they are to you or me.”
Thor’s face grows pained as you speak, his arm wrapping around your waist as his other hand caresses the side of your stomach. You’re starting to realize that it’s going to be hard to get his hands off it, but that doesn’t seem like a terrible problem.
“I wish you had told me that she’d been rude to you,” Thor sighs, taking his hand off of his stomach to stroke your cheek. “If I had known-”
“She wasn’t rude to me Thor, she dismissed me. I wasn’t even worth acknowledging to her and now I know it’s because she was jealous and wanted you back because what? She saw what we had together and suddenly it was good enough for her?
“I was in her way. That’s all I was. Even if in the end she couldn’t go through with it whether it was because she felt guilty for doing this to us or for lying or for having second thoughts and knowing that she doesn’t want to be Queen or a mom, she’s a bad person to me. And I have every right to protect myself, my baby, and our marriage from her. She’s not welcome here Thor. I never want to see her again. Ever.”
He’s cradling you now, holding you close because the intensity with which you're telling him that Jane is not welcome in your home is transferring to him.
“And if you’d known, you wouldn’t have done anything, Thor. You’d probably have talked to her and asked her what was going on and she would have lied to you and you would have believed her.”
He doesn’t deny it. He does look like it hurts him to know that you know though. That’s enough for you.
“I think it took her lying and doing this to us to make you see what she’s capable of.”
Thor shuts his eye, resting his head against your chest as he wraps his arms around you again.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, Thor. But you weren’t the one who lied. I mean, you didn’t tell me what was happening, but you weren’t the reason that this happened. If Jane hadn’t lied-”
“But she did,” Thor says, his deep voice anguished. “And I failed to honor my vows. You are my Queen and I should have come to you the moment she told me she was pregnant.”
You both fall into silence as you reach over to stroke his bicep. His skin is so soft. Touching it gives you comfort in a way you weren’t aware you needed. The more you touch it the more you need to feel it.
A finger stroking his skin turns into two, then four, then your entire hand is running up under the sleeve of his t-shirt.
With the way his hand curls around your thigh, you know that both your bodies are responding to your touch. Both of you are heated but instead of giving into that because you aren’t ready for that yet, you lay your head on his shoulder and curl in closer to his chest.
Thor sighs heavily, wrapping you up in his arms as he cradles you close.
“Now we know better,” you whisper.
“Now I know what losing you will do to me,” Thor agrees. “I’ve missed you so much, cherub.”
You don’t respond. You’re too choked up to say anything without your voice cracking so both of you stay like that for a while.
The cocoon of Thor’s arms is toasty and from the exhaustion you’re feeling plus all of the emotions that have drained you, your eyes are heavy and difficult to keep open.
“What about you?”
Thor’s chest rumbles with a chuckle.
“We can talk more tomorrow, cherub. Sleep.”
“I’m not sleepy,” you lie.
“Very well, then. What about me?”
“You’re sleepy?” you look up at him, full of concern.
He chuckles again, “No, cherub. What were you asking?”
“Oh! I just wanted to know if you’re okay. What Jane did to you can’t have been easy. Despite what she did to us as a couple, she said she was pregnant. You’ve been wanting a baby for so long and she dangled that in front of you like the rat that she is. And then she wasn’t even pregnant?”
Thor’s arms constrict around you as he pulls you up towards him to kiss you.
It’s slow and full of emotion.
“Even after all of that, you’re still worried about me?”
“It took time,” you admit. “Once I wasn’t so angry and I thought about what Jane really did. I hate the idea that your heart broke over her lies. I can’t believe she ever loved you if she was willing to make you feel that way.”
Thor just stares at you, searching your eyes before he rubs his nose gently against your own. When he speaks, his voice is so low, so deep, an intimate whisper. It burrows into your chest and settles right there underneath your ribs and makes you breathless with missing him and desire.
“That’s why you’re my Queen, Y/N. And she is not.”
You’re not sure if it’s an Asgardian ability or if maybe it’s something specific to Thor, but he has a way of making you swoon.
“I missed you so much,” he confesses again, that whisper sinful. “Did you not miss me?”
You nod because you can’t speak. There’s a lump in your throat made of both sadness and want.
“Was your bed as frigid as mine was in your absence? Did you miss my breath on your neck as I did yours? Or the steady beat of your heart when you pressed your breast to my back as you held me while I slept?”
Fuck, he’s making this so impossible.
“I hate you so much,” you counter, but his lips stretch into a small knowing smile as you take a tight hold of the neck of his shirt and pull him up to meet your lips.
He exhales heavily into you, tasting you, relishing in every pulsating touch as both your hearts ache and yearn almost in disbelief as if both of you can’t believe that these wants, these needs are finally being met.
As he pulls back to tilt his head the other way, he takes hold of the sides of your face again, his lips grazing yours, “I love you.”
Before you can reply or yank him back into that torturous yet blissful kiss, a voice at the doorway clears their throat.
“Well, that was fast, what happened to keeping him at a distance?”
Loki’s voice pulls your gaze and you can feel your cheeks and neck burn at how easily it seems you’ve crumbled when finally face to face with Thor.
You frown at your brother-in-law, while Thor ignores his brother and leans up to press very non-chaste kisses to your neck, “I told you coming back was a bad idea.”
But Loki’s smile is blinding and with one chuckle he backs out of the room, shutting the door quietly as Thor turns you back to him so that he can get back to kissing you.
#king!thor x reader#thor x reader#arranged marriage au#royal au#a wife for thor#king!thor x reader fanfiction#king!thor x reader fanfic#king!thor x reader fic#king!thor x you#thor x reader fanfiction#thor x reader fanfic#thor x reader fic#thor x you#marvel fanfiction#marvel au#a wife for thor pt22
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