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#so i hope this helps love !!!!!!!
andthebeanstalk · 1 year
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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knifearo · 6 months
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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skizabaa · 5 months
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Why did he do that 😭
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corviiids · 2 months
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in the one (1) month since i watched death note for the first time i sure have been doing a fucking posting
bonus:
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deep-space-lines · 1 month
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okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.
yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything
((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))
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and then they fucked nasty the end
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endermagpieart · 3 months
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What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]
Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!
@thatsthat24
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lesbaurinkos · 13 days
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manchester eye (and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you
don’t even have a name for)
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fox-guardian · 2 months
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[ID: A digital comic of Sam and Celia from The Magnus Protocol and Danny from The Magnus Archives on a gray background. Everyone is colored in a single color. Sam is red, Celia is green, and Danny is yellow. Sam is a fat Arab man with short curly dark hair, a mustache, and a small goatee, and he is wearing small black earrings, a cardigan, a turtleneck, trousers and loafers. Celia is a slim Korean woman with short dark hair and she is wearing rectangular glasses, piercings including an industrial piercing, an x-shaped earring, and snakebites, a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a vest, trousers, and black wrist cuffs. Danny is a tall, beefy Latino man with short hair, a cut in his brow, and a "cat mouth" and he is wearing small hoop earrings and a waiter uniform including an apron and name tag.
Sam and Celia sit at a table looking tired. Sam is resting his chin on his hand and Celia has her fingers steepled.
Sam: We'll NEVER get what we need without this specific thing and/or connection. WHATEVER will we DO?
Danny appears holding a notepad and pen, shrugging sheepishly and smiling with flowers around his head. Sam and Celia sit up, smiling at him excitedly with their hands in the air
Danny: UM, I might just know a guy! Sam: Our regular waiter, Danny Stoker! Celia: You ALWAYS have what we need! Danny: HAHA, what can I say?
end ID]
~~~~
rusty quill i have a suggestion
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This is so cute actually
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age-of-moonknight · 8 months
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“Systemic Approach (Part Two),” Avengers Unlimited (Vol. 1/2022), Infinity Comic, #64.
Writer: Mat Groom; Penciler and Inker: Caio Majado; Colorist: Pete Pantazis; Letterer: Joe Sabino
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Avengers Unlimited#Avengers Unlimited Infinity Comic#Moon Knight comics#latest release#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Jake Lockley#Steven Grant#Captain America#Steve Rogers#hey Mr. Groom excuse me but how did you get access to inside my head because this is pretty much exactly what I could have wanted in life#because don’t get me wrong I love Mr. MacKay’s run but one thing I’ve been missing is just Steven - Jake - and Marc interacting#(and I was hoping that the name of this arc was in reference to the Moon Knight system but I hadn’t dared hope too much)#which means there’s so much I love here#love Jake’s jacket and the acknowledgement that the people he mingles with are in no way lesser than Steven’s socialite#or Marc’s superhero ilk but rather the people who often just need some help (whether that be through Steven’s funds/business acumen#Jake’s hands-on social support#or Marc’s /very/ hands-on support method of boxing villains over the head) but could be the least likely to get it#and !!!!! an acknowledgement that the system is a strength and an invaluable asset to Moon Knight work !!!!#and that it was Khonshu’s influence that was largely the problem as opposed to the system’s neurodivergence !!!!#and an acknowledgement from Cap of all people! I WEEP#it just means so much to me: Marc getting some support both from the system and from Cap#as well as how in character this is for Cap#as some of my favorite moments of his are where he reaches out to those deemed by others too ‘unstable’ or ‘unreliable’ to ever amount to#much in the grand scheme of things and he asks them to be Avengers#recognizing what invaluable talents they posses#could the cynical say this reads like a Saturday morning psa? sure but this is an infinity comic with Cap. Enjoy it for what it is akshsksj
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ash-and-starlight · 8 months
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hiiii. as both an artist and a fan of atla and hades (the game), i really wanted to ask about the hades style character pieces you did - i loved it in the game too, and you did an amazing job recreating it yourself. do you have any tips or experiences that might help with drawing in that style? details, colours, elements, etc - anything really. tysm in advance, and i hope you're having a great day!!
HAIII THANK U SO MUCH SORRY THIS TOOK ME LITERAL MONTHS TO MAKE OTZ
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biocrafthero · 2 months
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Based off of this
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ellestray · 6 days
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elle's favorite ateez fics. f = fluff ; s = smut ; sg = suggestive ; a = angst. ✧ = absolute favorites, must read. (only adding notes for these few fics to ensure readability for the overall list!) word count in brackets. last updated: may 2nd, 2024
authors; if you wish to be untagged, please let me know!
currently no individual fic for hongjoong, yeosang & jongho. please refer to the OT8 section, or come back for future updates!
성화 SEONGHWA
✧ [11,1k] plastic flowers — @bobateastay ( f ; s ; a ) ↪ note: this fic revolves around abortion, so please keep this in mind before reading. i read this on a flight— and i don't know if it was the altitude, but it broke me. the author beautifully wrote this, in a way where unconditional love, hope and pain are intertwined. one of the most pleasantly surprising and touching reads i've had on this platform by far.
✧ [2,3k] essence — @hwaightme ( f ) ↪ note: this one is for the poetic, hopelessly romantic fics lovers. everything i've read from this author was beautiful so far! the poetry in this fic was so pretty that i felt the need to share it to my friends... although i usually never share fics out of tumblr. i'm excited to read through more of your writings, bai!
[1,2k] the first snow and being in love — @i-luvsang ( f )
[884] 02:36 — @hwapetals ( f )
[642] adoration — @kisshwa ( f ; sg )
[8,6k] both — @hwaightme ( s ; f )
[200] 10:24pm — @hotteoki ( f )
[986] anguish — @kisshwa ( a )
[n/a] bf texts — @hotteoki ( f )
[79] 9:22pm — @cozykpopblurbs ( f )
[1,6k] i'll be with you — @cheollipop ( f )
[519] lazy make out sessions — @crazyforhwa ( s )
[1,2k] realistic sex — @byuntrash101 ( s ; f )
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윤호 YUNHO
✧ [13k + 18,2k] unprofessional attraction ; pt.1 , pt.2 , [tbc] — @jk97 ( f ; s ; a ) ↪ note: i was so engulfed into this fic that i skipped a lecture to continue reading. fics that are heavier nsfw-wise usually aren't my thing, but here, every single line pulled me in. hell, i felt even more insane about yunho after reading this. saying i'm excited about the next chapters would be an understatement.
✧ [14k] closer, face down — @ncteez ( s ; f ) ↪ note: again, although i usually prefer fluff over smut, i absolutely loved this fic... the build up made it so enticing! i don't know if a re-edit still is in the works, but i'd absolutely re-read it regardless!
✧ [84,5k] project: make you love me (series) — @hwaslayer ( f ; a ; s ) ↪ note: pulled an all nighter to read the entire series in one go... it was that fun to read! the relationship was built up at a nice, natural pace, while still keeping the reader on their toes. (this made me very excited about the seonghwa series in progress..!)
[1,1k] bedfellows — @sungbeam ( f )
[1,3k] he knows he loves you — @honeyhotteoks ( f )
[2,5k] convenience store chances — @ohmyamor ( f )
[n/a] boyfriend texts — @koizekomi ( f )
[300] nothing sweeter — @i-luvsang ( f )
[1,1k] nsfw alphabet — @yunhobug ( s )
[425] 3:52am — @edenesth ( f ; sg? )
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산 SAN
✧ [3,7k] leave the window open — @sungbeam ( f ) ↪ note: so sweet. so comforting. the kind of heartwarming fic that feels like hot cocoa on a cold winter day. (also made me feel insane about san... but let's not talk about that.)
[1k] always available — @everyonewooeverywhere ( f )
✧ [1,6k] capturing us — @03jyh23 ( f ) ↪ note: another sweet, poetic, hopelessly romantic fic— my favorite kind! finding fics like these always feels like discovering a little treasure. looking forward to all the wips!
[n/a] boyfriend texts — @koizekomi ( f )
[2,6k] take a break - @cheollipop ( f ; s )
[249] 21:23 — @petitemingi ( f )
[350] boyfriend headcanons — @i-luvsang ( f )
[600] one more minute — @seonghwaddict ( f )
[1,3k] no strings, no expectations — @seonghwaddict ( a ; sg ; f? )
[468] stretch marks — @beenbaanbuun ( f )
[475] valentine's series : movies — @whimsicalwritingsandmore ( f )
[n/a] instagram stories with bf san — @lwtqts ( f )
[371] hold me — @cheeseceli ( f )
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민기 MINGI
[800] untitled — @cheollipop ( a ; f )
[2,8k] mind over matter — @mingisaddctn ( s )
[256] 23:22 — @petitemingi ( f )
[1k] 23:46 — @seonghwaddict ( f )
[447] princess treatment — @cheeseceli ( f )
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우영 WOOYOUNG
✧ [1,2k] broke you heart, i'll put it back together — @dairyminki ( a ; f ) ↪ note: loved this so much that i had to read it twice. something about wooyoung hopelessly in love wanting to fix this... name twin, if you're reading this, hi- i'd be seated for a part 2 if you ever have the time to write it!
[2,2k] vacation — @bobateastay ( f ; s )
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OT8
[700] when you don't say i love you back — @jjunberry ( f )
[2,4k] romance tropes — @beenbaanbuun ( f )
[n/a] situationships (texts) ; pt.1 , pt.2 — @yunhoszn ( f )
[2,9k + 3k] as boyfriends ; hyung line , maknae line — @honeyhotteoks ( f : s )
[n/a] sex ban (texts) — @kisshwa ( sg ; f )
[n/a] sending you a pic of themselves (texts) — @bombuni ( f )
[1,3k] outfit turn-ons — @starillusion13 ( sg )
[1,2k] make-up sex — @nateezfics ( f ; a ; s )
[944] showering — @seonghwaddict ( f ; sg )
[1,6k] as boyfriends — @atiny-moon ( f ; sg )
[2,5k] that one specific habit they do that highlights their love language — @sanhwaism ( f )
[1,1k] top 3 kinks — @seonghwaddict ( s )
[2,8k] making out — @sxcret-garden ( sg ; f )
[n/a] asking them to draw a flower (texts) — @eightmakesonebraincell ( f )
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if any link is broken, or if i made any mistake when tagging fics— please kindly let me know!
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myoonmii · 19 days
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I think the downright most horrific and brutal detail in the show is that Kilgharrah actually used Merlin to make sure Arthur's death happened with the pretence of protecting him
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theramblingvoid · 2 years
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Low level/continuous pain tips for writing
Want to avoid the action movie effect and make your character's injuries have realistic lasting impacts? Have a sick character you're using as hurt/comfort fodder? Everyone has tips for how to write Dramatic Intense Agony, but the smaller human details of lasting or low-level discomfort are rarely written in. Here are a few pain mannerisms I like to use as reference:
General
Continuously gritted teeth (may cause headaches or additional jaw pain over time)
Irritability, increased sensitivity to lights, sounds, etc
Repetitive movements (fidgeting, unable to sit still, slight rocking or other habitual movement to self-soothe)
Soft groaning or whimpering, when pain increases or when others aren't around
Heavier breathing, panting, may be deeper or shallower than normal
Moving less quickly, resistant to unnecessary movement
Itching in the case of healing wounds
Subconsciously hunching around the pain (eg. slumped shoulders or bad posture for gut pain)
Using a hand to steady themself when walking past walls, counters, etc (also applies to illness)
Narration-wise: may not notice the pain was there until it's gone because they got so used to it, or may not realize how bad it was until it gets better
May stop mentioning it outright to other people unless they specifically ask or the pain increases
Limb pain
Subtly leaning on surfaces whenever possible to take weight off foot/leg pain
Rubbing sore spots while thinking or resting
Wincing and switching to using other limb frequently (new/forgettable pain) or developed habit of using non dominant limb for tasks (constant/long term pain)
Propping leg up when sitting to reduce inflammation
Holding arm closer to body/moving it less
Moving differently to avoid bending joints (eg. bending at the waist instead of the knees to pick something up)
Nausea/fever/non-pain discomfort
Many of the same things as above (groaning, leaning, differences in movement)
May avoid sudden movements or turning head for nausea
Urge to press up against cold surfaces for fever
Glazed eyes, fixed stare, may take longer to process words or get their attention
Shivering, shaking, loss of fine motor control
If you have any more details that you personally use to bring characters to life in these situations, I'd love to hear them! I'm always looking for ways to make my guys suffer more write people with more realism :)
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howlonomy · 2 months
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Monster Clover, like this is so awesomecool.
They're such a little beast and it is amazing and please i need more, like written text even i just need the juicy lore and emotional moments that are circling in ur brain.
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HAT: RETRIEVED!!
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