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#should be alright though! I do have a few more planned; lets see if I finish drawing them...
wa-royal-tea · 2 days
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Previous | Beginning | Next
(Transcript under the cut - Click Pics for HQ Version!)
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Cassia Garden, Belcoast (3:57pm)
Indirah: Where’s my heels? Has anyone seen my heels?
Ginevra: I’m going to wait downstairs. Eloise, are you coming?
Eloise: Yeah!
Camille: Kak Lina, can you do my hair, please?
Catalina: Sure! Let me get the hairbrush first.
Belle: There. You’re all done.
Ginny: Thank you, mum. How do I look?
Belle: Beautiful. You look beautiful, my dear.
Ginny: Mum…please don’t cry. It’s too early for that.
Belle: I know…I just can’t believe you’re getting married already.
Belle: You grew up so fast. I still remember how small you were when I first met you.
Ginny: Mum…
Belle: I remember that day when you asked me if you can call me “mommy”. I can never forget that day, ever.
Belle: You made me a mother, Ginny. Even though I wasn’t the one who gave birth to you, you still loved and accepted me.
Ginny: But you loved me like your own too, mum. You’ve never treated me differently. Not even once.
Ginny: You’ll always be my mum. No one can tell me otherwise.
Belle: I wish Irene was here to see you like this. You grew up so well. She would be proud.
*door opens and closes*
Belle: Hugo? What are you doing here?
Hugo: Mum asked me to call everyone down. The guests are arriving.
Belle: Oh, yeah. Ginny, you wait here, alright? I’ll have Lina or Dira call you later when the ceremony is about to start.
Ginny: Okay. I’ll see you later.
Ginny: Aren’t you going to follow her?
Hugo: Grandpa wants to talk to you. I’ll wait for him outside, yeah?
Ginny: Okay. I’ll take care of him. Have a seat, grandpa.
*door opens and closes*
Anthony: I heard you made your dress.
Ginny: Mhm! Do you like it?
Anthony: Yes. It’s beautiful. You look great in it.
Ginny: Thank you, grandpa.
Ginny: What do you want to talk about? Are you alright?
Anthony: I’m alright, my dear. I just…I need to give you something.
Ginny: What’s that?
Anthony: It’s a letter. From your mother. She wrote it for you before she…passed.
Anthony: I had this since you were a child. But I never found the right opportunity to give it to you. I thought today would be a good time. I’m sorry it took me so long.
Ginny: It’s okay. You have your reasons.
Anthony: Here, read it.
Ginny: What is it about?
Anthony: I don’t know. I didn’t read it. It’s your letter.
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Hi Genevieve, it’s mommy. Do you like the name I gave you? Your dad thinks it’s cute, and I agree. I think it’s a perfect name for you. But he said it’s a bit long so we should figure out a nickname for you. Maybe Gee? Vivi? Ginny? I don’t know. We’ll figure it out when you’re here I guess!
Your dad and I are so excited to have you. It wasn’t planned but nothing good in this world is planned!
You were a big surprise for both of us. I was scared when I first found out about you. I was scared that your dad and his family wouldn’t accept us.
I already had plans for us if his family decided to not want anything to do with you and me. I was sure that I could raise you on my own.
I imagined us living in a small home back in my home country. I can already see our life in it.
You taking your first steps there…
…first day of school…
…moving to college…
…and getting ready for your wedding.
It would’ve been perfect. Just you and me.
But when I told your dad about you, he was overjoyed. And despite his father’s disapproval, he asked me to marry him.
Adapting to this life wasn’t easy. But your dad made sure that I know I can always count on him whenever I needed him. Even when he’s far away for his military training.
He really loves you. Every time we got on a call, he always asks how are you doing. I sometimes feel like he loves you more than he loves me. But it’s alright. I know he’ll take good care of you when you’re here.
Just a few months left, and you’ll be in our arms. And every day I’m looking forward to it. Though I know once you’re here, I’m going to miss having you so close to me. It’s funny.
I hope you know how much I love you, Genevieve. I can’t promise you I’ll be the perfect mother, but I’ll try my best. I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you when things get hard.
Thank you for choosing me to be your mother. I love you, my daughter.
Love,
Mommy.
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Anthony: I have been alive for a long time, Genevieve. I have no regrets about anything I’ve ever done.
Anthony: But if there’s one thing that I deeply regret doing is…not being kinder to your mother.
Anthony: I…I was horrible to her. I’ve never accepted her. No matter how kind she was to me, I can never see past my anger towards her for “ruining” Emery’s future by having you.
Anthony: A few days before you were born. I had my first heart attack and your mother was the first person to see the signs and called the doctor for me.
Anthony: If it weren’t for her, I probably wouldn’t be here today.
Anthony: I was thankful. But I was too prideful to say anything at the time.
Anthony: I promised to myself that I’d be kinder to her after that day, but when Emery broke the news that she passed…it was too late.
Anthony: When Emery brought you to your late grammy and me before leaving you with your Aunt Sofia, I saw Irene in you.
Anthony: And I swore to myself that day that I can’t die until I see you happy.
Anthony: I want you to live the best life that your mother would’ve hoped for you.
Anthony: You don’t have to forgive me for my behavior towards your mother when she was alive. And if you hate me now because of that, I completely understand.
Anthony: I’m just glad that I get to see you happy now. And I hope that you’ll remain happy for the rest of your life.
Ginny:…grandpa?
Anthony: Yes, dear?
Ginny: I have something to ask you.
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daily-odile · 1 month
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maid dile
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harunayuuka2060 · 4 months
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MC's brother: Peek-a-boo!
Baby Liora: *giggles*
MC's brother: Omg! He definitely likes me!
MC's brother: Because of that, here's a gift for you~.
MC's father: What is he going to do with your photo?
MC's brother: Father, this face of mine can ward off evil spirits. Duh~. 🙄
MC's brother: This will work as a protective charm for him. 😌
MC's father: Evil spirits are not scared of your face. They are just annoyed.
MC's brother: Father, you're such a hater. 😒
Falena and his wife: *chuckles*
Falena: Your father and your brother are fascinating to be around, MC.
MC: ...
MC: At times, yes.
Leona: Though the sister is a different case. Tch. Good she didn't tag along this time.
MC's brother: *heard him* Well, she said she needed to do something and it was unfortunate that she wouldn't be able to play with her nephew.
MC's brother: Like I'm going to believe that.
MC's father: Still, you need to be nice to your sister.
MC's brother: Being nice goes both ways. She was never nice. Why would I be nice to her?
MC's father: You should at least pretend to be considerate. Unlike you and MC, she didn't get the chance to meet her mother.
MC's brother: What the heck? MC didn't get to meet theirs too and you never tried to be considerate of them. What's that? Favoritism?
Falena and his wife: ...
MC and Leona: ...
MC's father: ...
MC's father: I am so sorry. My son doesn't know how to control his mouth sometimes.
MC: ...
MC: Playtime's over. I'm bringing Liora back to our room.
MC: *their brother handed Liora to them*
MC's brother: Bye-bye, Liora! See you next time?
Baby Liora: *lets out a cute smile*
MC: ...
MC's brother: Sorry.
MC: It's fine. We can't really do anything about your talkativeness.
Leona: ...
Leona: You never got the chance to meet your mother?
MC: I was entrusted to her loyal servant.
MC: And the nanny would show her portrait to me from time to time.
Leona: ...
Leona: I see.
MC: ...
MC: Is there something more you would like to ask?
Leona: Do you know where your mother is?
MC: She must be living somewhere in Briar Valley.
Leona: Hm. Do you want to visit her? We can go there and spend a few week's vacation.
MC: There's no need when I feel no attachment to her.
Leona: Okay. If you say so.
MC: *watching Liora sleeping in his crib*
MC's mother: Oh dear... How beautiful you are...
MC's mother: I wish Mama could watch you grow.
*Her kissing their forehead.*
MC's mother: I love you.
MC: Even if you had disappointed me the day you were born,
MC: I promise to never leave you, Liora.
Baby Liora: *smiling in his sleep*
Leona: *who is listening behind the door*
Leona: ...
A servant: My lady, I have refilled your honey glass jar.
MC's sister: Alright. You may go now.
*The servant bowed and left.*
MC's former attendant: My lady, have you been craving honey again?
MC's sister: Yes. I could never live a life without honey. To be honest, I'm planning to share it with MC the next time we visit to the Royal Palace.
MC's sister: I'm sure they're going to like it.
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neuvistar · 10 months
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how are they in bed? 18+ minors do not interact !
— featuring ┊honkai star rail, genshin impact, jujutsu kaisen, blue lock, omniscient reader’s viewpoint men x afab!reader !
tags: @yanqingisim
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your body was supported by the pillows he put beneath you, catching your lips in his before cupping your chin as he kept an arm around your waist. pulling away from your lips briefly after as he let your foreheads touch. his thrusts are steady and romantic, you could even sense passion in them as well.. like he’s fucking you with love, with emotion almost. he wanted you to feel them, to feel the love in his slow and sensual thrusts.. he can’t help it. his hands are already on your hips, angling them just right as his cock slips perfectly inside your drenched cunt. his kisses are filled with love too, planting them all over your body while you thread your fingers in his hair, small yet sweet whimpers leaving your lips. “is this alright? i’m— fuuck.. not hurting you too much now, am i?”
listen. trust me babes.. he’s gentle. and i don’t mean gentle, i mean gentle. gentle as in he treats you like a gem that should be treasured and protected, holding you like you were a feather of some sort. i assure you he loves to make sure that you’re taking him alright, reassuring you that you’re doing great.. asking you questions if he’s being too rough or if he should slow down. he takes his sweet time with you, making sure he worships every single detail and every single thing about you.. he wants you to be comfortable and he wants this to be the most comfortable experience for you. he makes sure that he caresses and kisses literally every single part of you, he’s not letting a spot go untouched.. his hands are gonna be all over you! of course they are, they’re filled with love and pure affection.. all for you. he’s definitely prepared and has a whole plan ready for aftercare afterwards, he’s just.. so sweet ! all for you too ! this man treats you like royalty during aftercare it’s so sweet, his aftercare is ON TOP i tell you <3 he never disappoints with how caring he is towards you whenever he finishes dicking you down for the night.. haha.
— SUGURU GETO, NEUVILLETTE, ARATAKI ITTO, kaeya alberich, KAVEH, nanami kento, KAEDEHARA KAZUHA, dan heng, SHIKANOIN HEIZOU, GEPARD, JING YUAN, luocha, KIM DOKJA, THOMA
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tbh w u.. he said that he’d be gentle but he isn’t! honestly tho he doesn’t mean to be all rough in the first place! he just loves how addicting it is to have your pussy pulse around his dick like it’s nothing, he loves how good it feels when his cock twitching inside for more, in other words.. he’s more desperate rather than rough but whatever we’ll use the word rough in this scenario! of course though, he won’t be too rough that it would hurt.. but as long as you’re fine with it and he sees that you’re taking his cock nicely with no complications, it’s no problem for him. but yet.. his thrusts are fast yet enough to satisfy your needs, enough to drive you crazy as your knuckles turned white from clutching down at the soft surface of the pillow beneath you for support.
he just can’t help it. he fucks you from behind, that sweet yet dangerous expression on his face was enough to catch you off guard! how can he look so nice but fuck you like his life depended on it? it always seemed to confuse you! i’m pretty sure he’s capable of lasting a few rounds or so as long as you’re okay with them. on top of that, he’s good at using his cock.. he knows the right places to hit and the right places to make you weak, he loves taking you from the back so he can see just how roughly he’s being with you, especially with how hot you look with his dick repeatedly sliding in and out of your cunt at a quickened pace, you were always taking it like an absolute champ! i’m sure you didn’t expect him to be rough in bed, but he didn’t either! he didn’t even know he had this side in him until now! but who knows? maybe he wasn’t aware of the lust within his body until he got to experience it himself.
— kamisato ayato, TOJI FUSHIGURO, sampo koski, SHIU KONG, al-haitham, OLIVER AIKU, BLADE, wriothesley, RYUSEI SHIDOU, il dottore, capitano, PANTALONE
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ah yes. here we have the guys who just take in your sounds and savour the feeling. tbh, these guys are in the middle.. if you want them to be tough, they’ll be rough! if you want them to be gentle, they’ll be gentle! they can play both, but if he’s actually dicking you down for the night.. i can guarantee that his eyes would be on you the entire time.. keeping tracks of your movements to check for any discomforts in your facial expressions or body language. he wants to make you feel good, yes.. but he also wants to savour in the feeling of your pussy hugging his dick too! he’s so calm during the moment, the sounds of bed squeaking and skin slapping against one another.. followed by your heavy panting and his soft grunts were the only things you could both hear. he fucks you at the pace he likes, or the pace you prefer. he doesn’t mind pounding into you like there’s no tomorrow and he certainly doesn’t mind taking it slow with you.. allowing you to savour in the moment further.
like i said, he can be what you prefer. if you want him to be rough, he’ll be rough. if you want him to take it slow and be gentle, he’ll be gentle. honestly, he might just be a teeny tiny bit quiet during the moment as well. he’s either getting lost in the moment and obsessing over just how good it feels to pound you like how ever wants to or he forces himself to stay quiet just so he can hear those pretty moans that leave your lips, knowing just how damn good hes fucking you. like i said, he’s not that verbal but that doesn’t mean he won’t let a few grunts or two escape his throat! he just wants to hear you whisper his name under your breath while he bullies his dick further inside your walls until his whole length fits! ++ his aftercare is also great i bet <3
— YOO JOONGHYUK, SATORU GOJO, cyno, SCARAMOUCHE,, XIAO, tighnari, pantalone, dainsleif, CHILDE, BAIZHU, SAE ITOSHI, albedo, CHOSO KAMO, diluc ragnvindr, welt yang, ZHONGLI
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httpsghostie · 10 months
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Under one Roof pt 1
pt 2
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OK finally IT'S HERE
smh I'm down bad for roommate ghost I am sobbing
my hand is literally burning I wrote this aT COLLEGE
and YES my love language is food pls dont come for me
Summary: you never knew you needed a military roommate until you've got one.
Word Count: 1k (sorry it's short
Warnings: roommate!ghost x female!reader, slightly suggestive (if you squint), mentions of trauma, fluff/comfort, no use of y/n
masterlist
Ghost was an old friend of a friend of yours, and he happened to be needing a place to stay for a while, that ended up being a few more months, and now it's currently been a year since he moved in. He doesn't plan on leaving, you know it, you know that despite the independent man that he is, he likes having someone to come home to.
He was cold at first, so cold. And for many nights you cursed yourself for letting that rock of a heart get into your sweet home. He wouldn't talk much when he was there, you'd almost forget he was around if it wasn't for random coughs or sneezes.
That man smoked like a chimney in the first days he's spent around, he was anxious and that wasn't very cute, he was always smelling like cigarettes, but thankfully he didn't smoke inside.
He appreciated your effort on cooking for the two of you, but you couldn't help it. How could he survive when he wasn't eating properly? Yes, frozen pizza is cool… until it's the third day in a row that you're eating frozen and instant food and you can barely stand.
He also had a fucked up sleeping schedule that you just went along with it, you once got scared when you walked in the kitchen and found him just laying on the wall, eyes closed and snoring slightly. That day you scolded him to go back to his room and made him lay down on the bed.
"You're gonna lay down on this bed and you're gonna have some nice hours of sleep, alright? I'm gonna leave the door open, if I see you awake I'm punching you." You sounded like a mother, almost, and he was so tired he couldn't fight back.
And the days went by, he'd go away, he'd come back as tired as he left. But at least he was slowly opening up to be a really cool guy. You two started to bond, and the more he talked, the more you wanted to spend time with him.
Oh and don't even get started on dad jokes, he's cracking them up whenever he's helping with house chores, or when you two are eating peacefully.
He became a friend, a very good friend, one that wouldn't mind you venting out to, plus he was a good listener. He'd just sit there listening to whatever haze your brain was going through, and slowly he learned that he shouldn't be giving you reasonable ways to solve your problems, he should just tell you it would be ok.
And you found yourself slowly falling for him. Of course destiny had to put you together. Only if it wasn't for the way he handled things around the house.
"Oh, the living room lamp broke? Let me fix it."
"Those boxes are heavy, hand them to me."
"Go find a movie for us to watch, I'll do the dishes. Find a good one, though."
"Goddamnit, I told you not to be climbing on that fucking balcony, you're not a cat, you're gonna hurt yourself one day." Said as he picked you up when you were trying to reach the top of the cabinet. "Just ask me, I can reach it without putting myself in danger."
Or maybe if it wasn't for the fact that he'd purposefully get out of the shower with that pretty little towel wrapped around his body, that made you clench your fists. The way he was still a bit wet, a few drops running down his abs. He was surprisingly cool with his scars around you, maybe because you didn't make a big deal out of it.
That's because it wasn't. You expected that when Gaz, your friend, told you that the friend he was sending to you was his 'work buddy'. And he phrased it exactly like that. 
"Don't mind him, he's big and scary, but he'll be a good roommate, I promise, he's my work buddy." You chuckled when you read the text.
And yet Ghost didn't mind the stare of admiration coming from your burning gaze across the living room, when you thought the most ungodly things a brain has seen.
He started to become more and more warm, he found safe with you, like you could actually be his home. One night, he found a deep conection with you when you were casually drinking together, sat by the coffee table, playing video games. 
She should know the truth about me.
He thought. And that was the night he dropped his heavy armor. He told you the bare surface of his past, even though most of it had been blocked from his memory, like a dark spot he couldn't remember, and would die without trying to take a peak at it.
You cried, and he couldn't understand why you were crying until you said it wasn't his fault.
"It's not your fault, you didn't deserve any of this." You sobbed, hugging him close.
He broke down. Like he needed someone to reassure him that he wasn't the villain from his past. He realized what you meant to him, and he swore to God he would try his best to come home to you when he had to work.
Some days were strange after that, like he regretted telling you about his story. He had that feeling in his gut that you weren't looking at him the same way, like you were pity. He didn't want your pity, he hated that look on your face.
But that changed.
He had come home one day, texting you while he was at the airport waiting for a ride. You ran to get groceries and make him a good meal, but the only thing that came to your mind was the old recipe of lasagna you kept from your grannie.
That old lady, always saving your life.
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alotofpockets · 4 months
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We've got you | Arsenal WFC
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Pairing: Arsenal x Teen!Reader
Request: Arsenal teen reader fic where they have an eating disorder and the team helps them through it.
Warnings: Eating disorders, passing out, talk of negative body image.
A/n: Thank you @catasha for proof-reading and your feedback & thank you @lessi-lover and @greynatomy as well for your help 💗
Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 2k
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As the youngest player on the team a lot of your teammates kept a close eye on you. They made sure you did your homework, helped you pack your bag, and in general were there for you for whatever you needed. There was one thing they hadn’t noticed though, and it was that you had started eating less and less. You were actively trying to hide it from them, so you didn't blame them for not noticing.
You had been diagnosed with an eating disorder when you were fourteen years old, and though you had been doing better the past year, your old habits started to reappear. Of course, something like that doesn’t really go away, but the voices in your head telling you that you shouldn’t eat have been quiet.
None of your teammates knew about your diagnosis, as you hadn;t struggled with it during your time with Arsenal. Well, not until now. In your plan to hide it from your teammates, you hadn’t counted on someone knowing the symptoms of an eating disorder, but one of them did. Alessia Russo, one of the more recent signings was keeping an eye on your food intake, unbeknownst to you. She had noticed you barely touching your breakfast. At first she didn’t think anything of it, but when she saw you only eating a few bites of your lunch, until you excused yourself, her mind started to wonder. She recognized patterns she had been stuck on in her highschool years, and hoped that she was wrong, but she couldn’t just let the thoughts go.
After training that afternoon, Alessia walked with you back to your bags, having placed hers conveniently next to yours at the start. The two of you are talking, when she grabs a protein bar from her bag. “Man, I’m full. Can I interest you in the other half? I would hate for it to go to waste.” You hesitated, but took the bar from her, not fully confident in denying food one on one. Alessia continued talking, but you didn’t hear a word she was saying as you were trying to convince the voices in your head you should eat the bar she offered. You don’t deserve to eat. You’ve gained weight, eating the bar will make it go up more. You tried to fight it. I already took the bar, I have to at least take a bite to show my appreciation. After fighting with the voices in your head for what felt like half an hour, you managed to move the bar up to your mouth with a shaky hand. Luckily Alessia was busy untying her boots, and didn’t see your hands shaking. One small bite is all you were able to eat before the voices in your head started to get loud again. You smiled to Alessia, “Thank you for this.” and head back to the locker rooms. Once you were out of sight from the rest of the team, you threw the bar in a nearby trash can. 
You were currently training in Portugal, so you didn’t have much time where you weren’t surrounded by your teammates. Each meal time was taken together, so you diverted to making it seem like you were eating by tactically moving around the food on your plate, putting a bite on your fork and moving it around while you were conversing with the people surrounding you. Trying to keep their focus on your words, rather than the lack of food actually entering your mouth.
Alessia stuck around until most of the room had cleared out, leaving just the two of you in the room. She moved over to your table, “Hey y/n, how are you doing?” You look up from your plate, “Oh hi Lessi, I’m doing alright. How are you?” She smiled at you softly, “I’m doing alright as well. I wanted to check in with you, to see if everything was okay, since I noticed you hadn’t really touched your food.” Your cheeks turned red, had she noticed? You quickly shake off the thought and shrug your shoulders, “Oh, yes, I’m okay. Just not very hungry, that’s all.” Alessia didn’t want to push you, knowing that that could make it worse, so she settled on talking about football instead, to bond with you, and not let you be on your own. 
The next day you were running around during practice, you loved drills where you got to show your speed. The team was split into two lines, as you would be competing against each other. One person from each team would go at the same time, sprinting to the finish line, the one that reached it first would earn the cone for their team. The team that got to ten cones first would win the exercise. 
Your team was currently at nine cones, while the other team was at eight. It was you running against Lotte, and if you were the fastest, you would get the victory for your team. “You’re going down, grandma.” The team knew you as a joker, so Lotte was used to your antics. “Yeah yeah, you just focus on not tripping over your own feet, kiddo.” You roll your eyes at her, “That was one time!”  
The two of you get ready on the line and wait for the countdown and the whistle to blow. You were running neck and neck, until about three quarters of the way, it was then that you got a step ahead of Lotte, but your lead didn’t last long, as suddenly you found yourself getting weak and dizzy. You divert from the straight line that you were running, and slow down your run. Lotte immediately noticed that something was wrong, and stopped her run to help you. “Hey kid, what’s wrong?’ She grabs your shoulders to keep you in place. “Dizzy.” Is all you get out before you collapse in her arms. 
You passed out for a moment, but luckily the medics were quick by your side. “What happened?” You ask when you see all your teammates standing around you with worried looks on their faces. “You passed out, kid. Do you know what happened?” Leah had your head laying in her lap. “Don’t know.” You say groggily, still not feeling well. “Let’s get you to one of the physio rooms to get you checked out.” One of the medics reached down their hands to help you up. 
Everyone was in the hallway, waiting to hear what was going on, a few of them pacing the hallway, and others sitting along the wall. “She was joking around just moments before, how could this happen out of nowhere?” Leah voiced the thought that most of the girls shared. “I might have an idea.” Alessia said softly. 
The medics walk out of the physio room once they are done examining you, “She seems alright now. We don’t know what happened yet, so we will have to keep a close eye on her. We advised her to stay in the room for at least another hour, just until she feels a bit stronger again. You can see her though.” 
After what Alessia had just shared with the group, just Alessia, Leah, and Kim go into the room first. “Hey kiddo, how are you doing?” Leah sits down on the bed with you, and wraps her arm around you. “I still feel a bit weak, but otherwise okay. You all look very serious though, what’s going on?” Leah looks up to Kim with tears welling in her eyes, not being able to do the talking without breaking. You were like a little sister to her, and it hurt seeing you like this. “It came under our attention that you haven’t really been eating, and we wanted to check in with you. You really scared us out there kid, you need to take care of your body. Can you please tell us how long this has been going on?” They knew now, so hiding was no longer an option. “I was diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was fourteen.” You could feel Leah tense beside you, as she came to the realisation just how serious this was. “I never mentioned it because it’s not been a problem since I’ve joined the team. It started playing up again a few weeks ago, I can handle it.” You were downplaying your wording, trying not to scare your teammates. Leah shook her head, “You’re not handling it though, you literally passed out!” You were shocked with the emotion behind her voice. “Leah, I’m fine.” Leah felt herself getting angry, “No, y/n, you’re not.” She said before she left the room, not wanting to get angry with you while she knew you were struggling.
It stays quiet for a moment, before Alessia speaks up. “I struggled with my weight and my body a lot growing up. I wanted to be skinny, but it ended up making me too weak to play. I learned that for football being strong was more important than my body fitting this image in my mind that society had created.” Kim continued where Alessia left off, “It’s important to give your body the right nutritions, it is for all of us, but especially for a growing body like yours. Skipping meals can harm your body, more than it will do good. We understand that this is a lot, but we really do not want anything like today to happen to you again.” Tears started to form in your eyes. Kim stands up and goes in to hug you, “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ve got you.” 
Once you calmed down a bit, Kim continued the conversation. They wanted to do everything in their power to help you, because they understood how mentally challenging an eating disorder could be. “We’re going to set up a meeting with the dietitian and nutrition team tomorrow, and get you on a plan that will help you eat in a healthy way, that is based on your body specifically. Alessia is going with you, because her experience will help make sure your best interest is at heart. We are going to be there with you every step of the way. You’re a part of a team, and that means we don’t let anyone go through something alone, okay?” You nodded, “Okay.”
In the hallway Leah is crying into Lia’s arms, after she asked the rest of the team to give you some space today. “She’s acting like nothing is wrong, Wally.” The older girl rubs her hands over her best friend’s back in soothing motions. “I understand, but she needs you Lee. I know you’re angry with her for not telling anyone she’s been struggling, and with yourself for not noticing she was, but let’s focus on the fact that it’s out in the open now, and you can help her.” 
Lia’s words were convincing, so much so that Leah headed back into the room, and asked for a moment alone with you. “Hey kiddo, I’m sorry I ran out. I couldn’t handle my emotions in a way that would be fair to you, so I needed a moment.” You smile at her softly, “It’s fine Lee. I understand, it was big news, and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.” Leah steps forward and hugs you to her chest. “Let’s get you home, okay?” You had been living with Leah since you moved to London, probably the reason that you were closest with her. “Okay.”
The next morning Leah drove you to London Colney for your appointment with the dietitian and nutrition team. Alessia was already waiting when you arrived, she greeted you with a hug. “It’s good to see you, kiddo. Are you ready?” You returned the hug. “As I’ll ever be.” 
It was very helpful having the both of them there. Leah for reassuring you, and Alessia to make sure you answered all their questions properly. After an hour of talking with the team, they had set up the basics of the plan for you. In the next couple of days they would get back to you with a more elaborate plan, including meal options and recipes. 
You know that your journey with food and your body weren’t going to be easy, but you knew that you weren’t going to be alone. The team had always been like family to you, and yesterday showed you again that they would love you unconditionally, and that they would be there for you, no matter what. 
-----
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A TRAGEDY THAT'S BUILT ON DESTINY!
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I WOULD CHANGE MOST EVERY SINGLE THING. I WOULD LET YOU KISS ME, KILL ME!
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synopsis// multiple different universes, but one thing remains the same: geto loves you in each and every one of them.
pairing// suguru geto x gn!reader
word count// 5.8k
contents// different universes, angst, satisfying angst?, hurt/no comfort but also hurt/comfort at the same time, ooc geto?, character death tehe
notes// inspired by everything everywhere all at once and the song kiss me kill me by mest :3 i wrote this SOOOO long ago but u have no idea how much i adore this oneshot. like i think it might be my fav oneshot ive ever written. it is everything to me!! and i did not do the idea justice but u get the point!!
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December 24th 
You assume the fight is over because neither you nor Shoko have gotten any more wounded victims. The two of you glance at each other briefly but don’t bother saying anything. What could be said about a full-blown borderline war schemed by your high school best friend and lover? Nothing could possibly be said, so nothing is. The two of you stand there waiting for anything to happen, whether that’s getting called back to Jujutsu High or being brought another victim, and eventually something does happen, and Shoko gets a call. You can’t read her expression for the whole 20 seconds she’s on the phone before she passes it to you. You furrow your eyebrows in question.
“It’s Gojo,” she says blankly before attempting to hand you the phone again.
You hesitate to answer. “Hello?”
“You should get down here,” he says blankly over the phone.
“What? Why? Is everything okay?”
“Um, yeah, just—you know those back alleys by the school?”
“Uh huh?”
“Meet me there.”
“Gojo, you’re kinda scaring me-“
“Y/N, just come; you’ll thank me—I hope.”
You frown and begrudgingly agree, “Okay, fine, yeah, whatever, I'm on my way.”
“Make it quick, alright? I'm serious,” he adds quickly before hanging up.
As you give Shoko her phone back, you roll your eyes at the fact that he didn't even give you a chance to say okay before hanging up.
“What was that about?” she wonders, slipping her phone back into her pocket.
You sigh. “No idea, but he wants me to go meet up with him for some reason.”
Shoko hums curiously. “You should get going then; must be urgent.”
You nod, “Yeah.”
☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。
It doesn't take you long to get to the school given how fast you were walking since Gojo told you to hurry it up, the tense anticipation aiding in your speed. It does, however, take you a few moments to find Gojo, but once you do, you find that he's not looking at you, but he’s speaking, and it's not to you either; it's to something—or rather someone—he's blocking with his body.
“Gojo?” you ask once you finally reach him.
Gojo turns to face you, a sorrowful smile on his face, before stepping out of the way to reveal who he was speaking to and the whole reason why he called you here in the first place.
When you see Getou on the ground, your heart sinks into your stomach, and your blood runs cold. You look back at Gojo, who merely shrugs.
“You should say your goodbyes; I already did,” Gojo whispers before leaving you and Getou alone.
Getou lets out a hushed laugh. “That’s a little melodramatic of him, don’t you think?”
The hammering of your heart roaring in your ears makes it difficult to hear what he says. You stand there frozen in what you can only describe as horror as you stare down at Getou, who's missing an arm and is only growing more pale by the second from blood loss.
“Do you plan on ignoring me?” he asks softly, as though he’d understand if that really was your plan.
You blink a few times and shake your head, your tears blurring your vision. “I dont-“ 
Getou hums appreciatively and smiles up at you, which makes you completely break down, a sob racking through your body so violently that the only thing you can do is collapse to your knees. Getou winces as he tries to sit up straighter, as if he’s going to catch you or crawl over to you. You sniffle, your sobbing uncontrollable, as you crawl to him, and once there, you let your head fall upon his blood-stained chest. Getou immediately places his only remaining hand on the back of your head, as if holding it to his chest, and gently pats your head.
“Are you an idiot?” you snap.
“Might be.” 
You sob even harder into his chest. “Why would you do this?”
Your question makes his heart race. “I wanted something better for Jujutsu society.”
You shake your head at him disapprovingly. “Why’d you have to go about it this way?”
“I don’t know Y/N," he sighs. "Does it make a difference?”
You scoff, raising your head to glare at him. “Of course it does, you idiot! You left! and had a hit placed on you! Why couldn’t you have just stayed?” You sob, letting your head fall back onto his chest. “Why couldn’t you have wanted me as much as you wanted this? Why couldn’t... Why couldn’t you have wanted me as much as I wanted you?”
“Y/N,” he coos regretfully, as if he doesn’t know what to say, which he doesn’t. He did want you, and he’d even go as far as saying he wanted a better jujutsu society for you so you wouldn’t have to live your days slaving away for the non-sorcerers. “Y/N, look at me.”
You shake your head and screw your eyes shut, not wanting to look at him. You don’t want to see your first and only love withering away right in front of you.
“Y/N, please look at me.”
“I-I can't."
“Y/N, open your eyes.”
The demandingness dripping from his voice has your head shooting up to look at him and your eyes opening wide, but as you open them, you’re not met with an actively dying Getou; you're met with a sunny and flower-filled meadow? You move to wipe your tears, but your face is dry. You blink a few times, trying to take in your new surroundings, given that a moment ago you were just in a dark alley and now you're sitting on a blanket in a field under a glowing sun.
“Y/N?” Someone speaks from beside you.
Your attention is drawn to the person. “Getou?” 
He smiles at you.
“Getou, where are we?” you ask, now starting to slightly panic.
He looks at you in confusion. “We’re on our date?”
Your chest heaves up and down, and you're more confused than ever. “Huh? But- We-“ 
“We what?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.
“We were just behind Jujutsu High; you were missing your arm, and-"
Getou scoots in closer to you and cradles your face in his hands. The feeling of a warm, full-of-life Getou touching you brings tears to your eyes all over again.
“Woah, woah, love, calm down. What are you talking about? Jujutsu High? Me missing an arm?”
“You don’t remember?” You croak out, distraught, and slightly convinced that you’re going crazy.
“Remember what, love?” he asks softly.
You stare at him in disbelief. “The fight—you wanted a better jujutsu society, and you tried? You lost your arm! You were dying; I saw you! I was there with you! You were covered in blood and-“ 
Getou gently wipes your tears away. “Love, that didn’t happen. I’m here, yeah? and I have both my arms, and there was no fight for Jujutsu society? Whatever that means..."
You blink at him, dumbfounded. “What?” 
“It was probably just a bad dream, Y/N.” He smiles at you reassuringly.
“You don’t know about jujutsu society?”
“Am I supposed to?”
You stare at him in awe. What’s happening? How could he not know about jujutsu society when it was the very thing he was fighting for? But then again, how could he not be missing an arm? And how could the two of you not be in a dark alleyway right now? How could any of this be happening? Maybe he’s right; maybe it really was a bad dream. A very vivid, detailed, lucid, and lifelike bad dream.
“I guess not,” you respond with a frown.
Getou wipes away your last few tears and smiles at you. “You’re okay; I’m okay. We’re okay. It was just a bad dream, love.”
“Yeah,” you say haltingly, "yeah, I guess it was..."
“Are you okay now?”
You nod as you take one of his hands off your face and into your own. “Yeah, I think so... Um, where are we, Getou?”
“On our weekly date?” He answers curiously as he removes his other hand from your face.
You look around at your surroundings curiously. “In the middle of a forest?”
“This is your favorite place, Y/N,” he says, quizically.
As you take another glance around, you hum, not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing. “I can see why; it’s beautiful here.”
He raises his free hand and grips your jaw, forcing you to look at him. “Y/N, are you okay? How come you don't remember?”
You look into his eyes, and something doesn't feel right—as if you're not meant to be here—but you digress and shrug anyway. “I don't know...”
He frowns briefly before leaning in and giving you a quick peck on the lips, and you practically melt, having not felt his lips on yours for far too long.
“That's alright. We can still make the most of the rest of our day, right?”
You nod, and he smiles at your response, letting go of your face and hand to open his arms to you, inviting you into his embrace. You return the smile before laying yourself in his arms, trying to ignore the rising feeling that something is wrong, but you can't because the minute your head touches his chest, you're thrown into a moment, a memory, a dream? where you're back in the alley with your head on a bleeding-out Getou, and it's just for a split second, a flash in time, but it's enough to make you go stiff and your breath hitch.
Getou rubs his hand down your back soothingly. “Hey, what's wrong?”
You swallow harshly and try to concentrate on the green scenery in front of you rather than whatever you keep seeing. “Nothing, I'm fine. It's fine.”
Getou places his head on top of yours. “Are you sure?”
You nod. “I am.”
He hums disapprovingly but doesn't press the issue any further; instead, he just runs his hand up and down your spine in an attempt to calm you down, which works as you begin to relax into his embrace and regain control of your breathing.
“What do we usually do here?” you ask, breaking the silence.
He shrugs. “Usually just talk about our days, our future plans, and stuff like that.”
You hum. “Is it nice?”
“Very nice; I like spending our days together.”
“I do too,” you correct yourself, “or I'm sure I did too.”
Getou doesn't say anything; instead, he lays himself down and, since he's holding you, takes you with him. You sigh contentedly and let your eyes flutter close, the sun and his hold keeping you warm. Suddenly, even with your eyes closed, you can tell it's getting brighter outside, and you groan. You’re about to ask what's up with the sun when a shooting pain in your head causes you to wince. Your heartbeat rings in your ears, and you can feel your hands grow clammy.
You feel unstable, as if you're no longer on the ground being held, as if you're floating through time and space, and the uncertainty forces your eyes open, but you're not met with anything—no, that's not right, you're met with everything, glimpses of time that you can barely make out. One moment you see Getou at an alter, and then you see you and Getou nodding to each other in determination, and the next glimpse is of you, Getou, Gojo, and Shoko laughing about something before you’re hit with another shooting pain in your head. Screwing your eyes shut, you hiss in pain, and all too suddenly, you're back on stable ground, no longer floating, and the brightness you could see through closed eyes a moment ago is gone.
You still hesitate to open your eyes, unsure of what you'll see, but when you can just barely make out that you're not where you were before, your eyes shoot open. You're now standing in the doorway of what appears to be the room of two teen girls, and Getou is sitting at a vanity staring at you; his hair and make-up are done, and he's frowning. Despite your confusion about where you are, you can't help but burst out into a fit of laughter.
He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Oh haha, yeah, keep laughing.”
You slap your hand over your mouth in an attempt to stifle your laughter. “What happened?”
He crosses his arms over his chest and looks away, mumbling, “Our daughters thought I would make a very good model, apparently.”
You go to laugh again, but it hits you, and you look at him like he's crazy. “Sorry, daughters?”
He returns the look. “Yes? Our kids?”
You look away, muttering to yourself, “We have kids...”
You didn't mean for him to hear it, but he does anyway and instantly stands up and makes his way toward you. He grabs your shoulders, drawing your attention to him, and when you look at him, he's staring back at you in concern.
“Y/N, are you okay?”
You want to take him seriously, but truthfully, you can't when he’s wearing bright pink lipstick and bright pink eyeshadow. He does look cute, though. You try to bite back a smile.
“I'm sorry, but I can't take you seriously when you look like that.”
Getou sighs. “I know I look amazing. Can you try to ignore my beauty for like five seconds and tell me why you’re acting like you don't remember our kids?”
You frown. What are you supposed to tell him? That you're apparently having nightmares upon nightmares about different lives with him? And now you're not sure what's real and what's not? You can't say that, so instead you shrug and merely mutter, “You do look amazing like that, though.”
His head drops to the side at the same moment that his smile fades. “Y/N.”
“I don't know.”
“You don't know?”
“Some really weird shit is going on, Getou,” you breathe out heavily.
He doesn’t say anything, instead grabbing your hand and leading you to one of your apparent kids' beds, where he sits you down.
“What’s going on?”
“I don't know, and you wouldn't know either so,” you explain vaguely in frustration.
He gives your hand a squeeze. “Maybe I would?”
You shake your head. “I don’t wanna waste time on that; I don't know how long I have here.”
“What?” he asks blankly. “What do you mean you ‘don't know how long you have here’?”
“Getou,” you whine, not wanting to think or talk about it because you wouldn't even know where to start; all you want is to learn about this new nightmare and what it holds.
He relents. “Okay, I won't ask.”
You smile at him and let a moment of silence pass before asking, “What are they like?”
“Huh?”
“Our kids—daughters.”
Getou hums. “They’re great; we raised them well.”
“They are especially great at making you a model, huh?” you snicker. 
He laughs and rolls his eyes. “Oh whatever, you're just jealous they never make you model.”
You shrug. “What are their names?”
“Well, we were gonna keep the names they had when we adopted them, but they ended up not having any names at all, so we settled on Nanako and Mimiko.”
You stare at him in awe. “Did you pick the names out?”
“We both did,” he recalls fondly and vividly, as if it were just yesterday that the two of you were picking out names.
“And we are...?”
He kisses your cheek before answering, “Married—we’re married.”
You hum and raise your left hand, your gaze fixed on your ring finger. “I don't see a ring?”
He hums curiously. “You were wearing it this morning? Maybe you dropped it somewhere?”
You nod. “Yeah.. Maybe..”
Getou doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t know what to say. What could he? His partner of multiple years suddenly has some form of amnesia and can't remember that they have kids, let alone that they’re married to him. You turn to face Getou. He looks like Getou—like the Getou you know, who apparently was merely a nightmare. Besides all the makeup and stuff, he looks like Getou. He says he’s Getou, but something just feels off.
“Are you real?”
He nods. “Very real.”
You look around the room, taking in the messy vanities, the messy beds, and the drawers stuffed with clothes. “Are our kids real?”
“Extremely real.”
You study his face for any hint of uncertainty, and when you find none, you ask, “Am I real?”
He narrows his eyes at you and hums curiously. letting go of your hand only to bring both hands up to your face and start smooshing your face together, pushing and pulling at the flesh on your cheeks.
“Getou,” you mumble.
He hums approvingly and nods, letting his hands fall back to his sides. “Yep, you’re real.”
You smile at his idiotic antics but appreciate them nonetheless. And although you can touch him and feel him, and he is real, as are you and your kids, it still doesn't seem real. And then, all too suddenly, your head starts throbbing again.
“Fuck no, not again,“ you panic.
“Y/N? whats wrong-“
You can't hear what he’s saying anymore; it's like you've gone underwater and he's speaking to you from the surface. Another shooting pain in your head has your eyes screwing shut, and you know you're fucked when all you can hear is your heartbeat ringing in your ears and feel your hands grow clammy all over again. You’re back to feeling unstable, drifting between time and space once more, and just like last time, the uncertainty of the feeling forces your eyes open, and you're faced with everything again—more glimpses in time that you can barely make out.
One moment you think you see yourself back at the beginning on Getou’s cold chest, and then you see yourself and Getou covered in blood, and you're not sure if it's yours or someone else's, and the next glimpse you see is of Getou on your cold chest, like your roles had been reversed, before you’re hit with another shooting pain in your head. Screwing your eyes shut, you wince in pain, and finally you're back on solid ground again, no longer floating, and the brightness you could see through closed eyes a moment ago is gone. This time you don't hesitate to open your eyes, and you find yourself in a cemetery.
You look around curiously, trying to assess your surroundings while simultaneously trying to recover from whatever just happened. But you're starting to realize something now. All of this is real. You laying on Getou’s chest was real; having a picnic with a perfectly fine Getou in a world where curses apparently don't exist was real; having kids and marrying Getou was real; and all of those little bits of time in between each new life were real. All of it was real—is real; all of it happened—is happening; it just didn't happen to you specifically. Not this version of you, at least. You’ve realized that you’re experiencing different universes and living alternate lives of your own. You didn’t think alternate universes existed, but it's not too hard to accept when the world you live in—the world you belong to—is riddled with curses and sorcerers. You are not above believing in alternate dimensions.
Finally over your sudden epiphany, you're able to realize that you weren't immediately met with Getou like you had been the past two times you got transported into another dimension. As you put the pieces together, a grave feeling washes over you—no Getou, and you’re in a cemetery. You swallow harshly.
No, no, no.
You start running around the cemetery, inspecting each and every headstone, and praying to the universe(s) that you aren't about to find one that reads his name.
No, no, no.
You keep running, the cemetery seemingly interminable, until you run up behind someone who looks suspiciously a lot like Getou, and when you hear him murmur under his breath, you sigh heavily in relief that it is him, but why is he here? You tilt your head and try to look around him to read the gravestone.
“What the fuck?” you exclaim, stunned.
Getou spins around faster than you can even blink, and he almost chokes on his spit. “Y/N?” His chest heaves up and down as he shifts his gaze between you and the gravestone. “But-but-how-you’re-“
“Dead apparently,” you say, finishing his sentence as you stare at the gravestone that reads, "HERE LIES L/N Y/N."
He stares at you, completely bewildered, and you can see him trembling. “How—how are you here?”
Will something bad happen if you tell him this isn't your universe and there are actually multiple universes out there? Who knows, but you’re about to find out.
“I'm not, well, I'm not supposed to be.”
He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “I'm just hallucinating; you’re not real.”
His reply breaks your heart. “I am real.”
“You’re not.”
You step forward, taking his hand in yours. “I am.”
He finally opens his eyes back up, and he stares at you through tears, completely amazed that you're here, that you're actually touching him, and that you're actually alive and real.
“I don't—I dont understand—you're dead!” He stammers, yanking his hand from yours, and as he breaks out into full-on sobs at this point, he’s reminding you an awful lot of yourself in your own world.
You nod slowly. “In this universe, it seems so... how?”
“What?” he stutters. “This universe?”
You ignore his question. “How did I die, Getou?”
He shakes his head sternly. “No, I'm not saying anything until you explain what you meant. What if you’re a curse? What if I cursed you, holy fuck? Fuck!”
“Okay, curses still exist in this universe; good to know,” you acknowledge with a nod.
Getou snaps, “What are you talking about!?”
You flinch, which only makes him sob harder.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap—I'm just so fucking confused; you're supposed to be dead,” he bawls as he falls to his knees.
You take another step closer and kneel down, drawing him into your embrace and letting him sob into your chest for as long as he needs, ignoring the horrible feeling of deja vu crawling all over you like worms.
“Shh, you're okay,” you whisper, soothingly brushing your fingers through his hair.
He finally starts to calm down after a few more minutes of whispering sweet nothings to him, and once he’s no longer sobbing, he pulls away.
“Answer my question, and I'll answer yours,” he says through sniffles.
You nod. 
“What were you talking about, universes? How are you here, Y/N? You’re dead—or you’re supposed to be...”
“Do you believe in alternate or multiple universes?”
He shrugs and wipes away any remaining tears. “I don't know; I never really thought about it.”
You hum and nod. “Right, so, uh, they exist! There are a lot of universes out there, actually." You let out an uneasy laugh.
He stares at you curiously.
“Obviously, I'm not from this universe.”
He continues staring at you.
“Oh, cmon, curses exist, but you draw the line at alternate dimensions?”
Getou frowns and says, “I guess you’re right... So you’re from a ‘different dimension’?”
You point a finger at him, narrowing your eyes. “Don't air-quote me like you don't believe me; how else would I be here right now if I were supposedly dead?”
“I don't know; that's what I'm trying to figure out!” he exclaims, gesticulating wildly.
“Can you just humor me and hear me out?”
He takes a deep breath before ultimately agreeing, “Okay, fine.”
You clasp your hands together. “Okay, um, in my universe, you’re dead.”
“What?!”
You shake your hands and your head. “Ok, no wait! You’re not dead yet, but, uh, you were like on the verge of death when I got put into another universe.”
He looks at you in disbelief. “And you just left me?!”
“It wasn't on purpose! Why would I want to leave you when you’re dying? I don't know how I ended up here! or in the last two other universes!”
He stops you and asks, "Okay, okay, wait—how am I dying?”
You look away awkwardly. “You wanted to change jujutsu society in… a not-so-friendly way... And, um, you were willing to die for your cause.”
“I'm dying the same way you did?”
You return your attention to him. “What?”
Getou nods. “Yeah.”
You shake your head. “What do you mean you're dying the same way I did?”
“In this universe, you’re the one who wanted to change jujutsu society in a... not-so-friendly way,” he explains sheepishly.
“Holy shit,” you mutter to yourself.
He nods again. “So, in yours, our roles are reversed.”
“And I'm dead already? I didn't even last as long as you?”
“Well, yeah, I guess," he shrugs, "but it worked; there hasn't been a curse, at least not a special-grade one, since you died." His eyes gleam as he looks up at you. “Did I succeed?”
You bite the inside of your cheek anxiously and shake your head.
“I'm dying for nothing, then?”
You look away and mumble, “My Getou is okay with it; he knew he might fail—he knew Gojo was the only one who could probably change anything—but he still wanted to try.”
“Okay, well, this—” he gestures to himself, “Getou isn't okay with it.”
You roll your eyes. “Yes, well, you’re also still alive, so it doesn't really affect you that much, now does it?”
“Still! You just told me one version of myself is dead—or dying—and I'm supposed to be chill with that?”
You stare at him blankly. “Your version of me is dead.”
Getou grows quiet, and you can almost physically see how his demeanor wilts away.
“Sorry.”
“It's fine,” he says, shaking his head. “You said you were in two other universes before this one, right?”
You nod. 
“What were they like?”
You smile as you think back on the previous universes: “We were both alive and happy, and we were together in them.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah... and curses didn't exist either.”
“Huh,” he says ambivalently, like he's not sure whether to be happy for his other selves or be bitter that that isn't him. “Tell me more?”
“In the first one, we were actually on a date in some forest that I apparently loved.”
He stares at you wide-eyed, completely engrossed in your retellings.
��In the second one, we were married.”
A smile tugs at his lips. “Really?”
You nod. “We even adopted two daughters.”
“What were they like?” he wonders, enamored by some alternate universe of you two.
“I'm not sure; I didn't get to meet them,” you confess meekly. “But I know their names were Nanako and Mimiko, and they loved doing your hair and makeup. You adored them, and I'm sure I adored them too.”
He nods wistfully. “In your universe, were... were we together?”
“For a bit.” You look away sadly. “We broke up when you, uh, went off and wanted to-“
“Change jujutsu society,” he chimes in.
“Yeah... How'd you-“
“Same thing here, just roles reversed, remember?” He laughs sadly.
You nod. “Did you still love me? even after I'd gone off and did what I did?”
“I did. I do,” he quickly corrects himself. “Did you?”
“I still do.”
The two of you sit looking away from each other in glum silence. It's hard to stay upbeat about your happy alternate selves when your actual selves are currently dying or dead.
“Kinda feels like we got the short end of the stick, don't you think?” Getou mumbles softly.
“Huh?”
“Well, I mean, there are no curses in those universes, and we’re both alive and happy, but in ours we’re dead?” he elaborates.  
You nod reluctantly. “Well yeah, but I don't know; I guess it's kinda nice to know that it worked out in at least one universe.”
“Don't you wish it worked out in ours?”
“Of course I do, Getou; what kind of question is that?" you scoff. "You think I want to go back to my universe just to watch you die?”
“Well,” Getou pauses, turning to face you, “what if you don't go back?”
Your gaze zeroes in on his. “What?”
“What if you stay?…”
You abruptly stand up and chuckle uncomfortably. “Getou-“ your sentence is cut short by an echo of your name that only you seem to hear because you're the only one gazing in the general direction it seemed like it came from.
Getou joins you on your feet and follows your stare, but when he realizes you aren't staring at anything, he returns his sight to you.
“Think about it.”
His voice snaps you out of your trance, and you look back at him with a small frown.
“I'm practically dead in your universe, and you're dead in mine, but we’re together right now!" he says, taking your hand in his. "Maybe the universe put you into mine for a reason— so we don't have to go back to one where we’re not together…”
You struggle to swallow; your mouth suddenly goes dry as Getou stares at you in full, unadulterated hope, and you can't bring yourself to say anything to crush that.
“Y/N, wouldn't that be nice?”
You nod and murmur, “It would.”
“Then?” he asks expectantly.
Someone calling out your name echoes in your head again, and you quickly look down the street to now see a small, bright light in the distance, and you know your time here is soon coming to an end.
“I... I can't stay, Getou.”
His voice cracks as he panickedly asks, “Why?”
"Because,” you explain with a shake of your head, “I'm not your Y/N, and you're not my Getou.”
“I could be,” he says confidently, or he would have if it weren't for the way his voice trembled.
Your vision goes blurry from the tears welling up in your eyes as you shake your head.
“We could try!”
You sniffle and reiterate, “I can't stay.”
“Please,” he begs through his sobs. “Please, we can make it work.”
You look away from him, trying to fight back your tears, but it's futile; you’re a complete mess, just like he is now. “No.”
His hands shake as he grips your face and forces you to look at him. “Y/N, please, I'm begging you.”
“I cant.”
“Don't leave me again.”
The same voice calling out your name echoes in your head again, this time louder, and the bright light is getting bigger and closer.
“I don't want to go back to a universe where you’re just gonna leave me either, but,” you sob, weakly clinging onto the wrists of his hands that are still on your face.
“So stay.”
You shake your head and take his hands off your face. “I won't.”
Getou’s head goes limp and drops as sobs shake his entire body, and you can't help but think that's exactly how you'll look when you return to your universe and have to deal with the death of your Getou.
“Please,” he pleads.
You're both in tears as you lift his head up by his chin to look at you. The voice calling your name echoes even louder, and the bright light is getting closer by the second.
“You’re not my Getou, and I'm not your Y/N.”
He nods reluctantly. “I know, but...“
The bright light is only a few feet away at this point, and the voice echoing in your head is so loud that it's giving you a migraine—you know this is your last few minutes, if that, in this universe, so you lean in and take Getou’s lips into yours—a goodbye kiss for a Getou who you'll never see again, a goodbye kiss for a Getou who desperately needs one when he never got one from his y/n. You pull away and cradle his cheek gently.
“I have to go say goodbye to my Getou now; I think he’s waiting for me.”
He nods. “If he’s anything like me, he’ll want a goodbye kiss too.”
A faint smile tugs at your lips. “I know.”
Getou doesn't get the chance to respond when you're suddenly gone—completely vanished right before his eyes.
You, on the other hand, are back again, feeling unstable as you float through time and space, and again, the uncertainity of the feeling forces your eyes open, but this time you're met with only one thing—the image of you on your Getou’s chest. With every passing second, it grows closer, as does his voice calling out for you, and before you know it, you're back in your body, looking up at him with a gasp.
“Y/N?” he asks weakly.
You're still in tears from the previous universe as you now pull him into your embrace.
He winces, and you quickly let go of him. “Sorry.”
He smiles at you with blood in his mouth and teeth. “It's okay.”
You have to force yourself to look away to try and choke back a sob, but Getou notices immediately and slowly lifts up his remaining hand to cradle your cheek.
“It’s okay, Y/N.”
You nod. “I know.”
“You’ll be okay.”
“I know,” you croak out.
“Kiss me?” He asks out of breath, knowing he doesn't have much longer.
You don't hesitate to lean in and kiss him, ignoring how it tastes like blood and tears as well as how cold his lips feel. You ignore it because he's kissing you back. He’s kissing you with all the power his frail body can muster, and it makes up for all the years, months, weeks, days, minutes, and seconds that your lips haven’t touched. But just as quickly as he kisses you, he stops, but it's gradual; he gradually stops kissing, moving, and breathing. It doesn't take long for it to get to that point, and even when he's not kissing back, you still kiss him with some fairy-tale hope that it will bring him back, that your kiss will somehow save him, like he's Snow White and you're Prince Charming. But it doesn't.
It doesnt.
You pull away to look at Getou, whose eyes are glazed over but not closed. You sob as you reach up to close his eyes, only to let your head fall against his chest. He’s so cold. Too cold. That's why you have to stay there on top of him to keep him warm. You'll stay there all night if you have to. But you don't even get the chance to stay there for longer than a few minutes when someone suddenly pulls you off of him, and you look over your shoulder to see Gojo, who's crying as well.
“He’s gone, Y/N.”
"I know," you sniffle, “I know.”
Gojo helps you up to your feet, his hand on your waist to keep you steady as he leads you away from Getou’s body. The further you get from it, the harder you cry.
But it's okay. It’ll be okay because, even though you lost Getou in this universe, you’ll eventually be able to come to peace with it knowing that in a hundred, a thousand, and even a million other universes, you and Getou are living happily ever after.
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©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD
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bangtanflirt · 10 months
Text
(Un)natural Instincts (Part 2)
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angst, fluff, smut
Pairings: OT7 x Fem Reader, Human CEO Reader, Human Assistant Yoongi, Wolf Hybrids Joon, Jin, Hobi, Jimin, Tae, and Kook.
Basic premise: You and your assistant end up rescuing six wolf hybrids. No part of the process is easy.
Part 1 > Part 2 > Part 3
General Warnings: Hybrid abuse and lab experimentation, hybrids as second-class citizens/owned property, future smut (Minors DNI, 18+ content)
Specific Warnings: torture collars, needles, mention of past dubcon (hybrids under influence of the synthetic hormones cannot properly consent), more inaccurate business talk,
____
It’s 7am the next day when your actual assistant shows up at your door, with your precious Americano in hand.
“I heard about the coffee mishap yesterday, so I thought I’d bring you this a little earlier than usual.”
“You are my savior.”
Yoongi laughs as you invite him in. Your assistant is one of the few people you found you could let your guard down around. He’s probably the closest thing you have to a friend.
“Is everything alright with you? You never call off work, and you didn’t reply to the message I sent.”
“Sorry, there was a lot going on. Everything’s fine now, just had a little scare with my mom’s blood pressure. She’s good though!”
“Oh thank god. Are you sure you don’t need more days off to take care of her?”
“My brother is keeping an eye on her, but I very much appreciate the sentiment.”
“Of course. Don’t hesitate to step out when you need. Or if you need help with her medical bills, I’m always here.”
“Woah woah, calm down there before I start spreading a rumor that you’re actually a nice person Y/N.”
You roll your eyes and laugh, “Don’t you dare.”
But the joking atmosphere only lasts for two seconds before your mood turns solemn.
“I’m actually so far from a nice person you wouldn’t believe it.”
And so it goes, you explaining the entire fiasco of last night. You know you deserve the judgy look he tries to hide when you get to how easily you caved in. But there’s also sympathy in his eyes, because he’s one of the few people in the world who would even try to understand where you’re coming from.
“That’s not all…they also…um…gave me one.”
He looks puzzled.
“They gave you a collar? But you don’t even have a hybrid.”
You take a deep breath before uttering the next sentence.
“They gave me a hybrid.”
“WHAT?!”
“Shhh! Keep your voice low, he’s sleeping in one of the guest rooms right now!”
He switches to a whisper yell instantaneously.
“You took a hybrid home with you? Are you insane?!”
“Maybe I am. I don’t know, I wasn’t exactly acting with a plan. I just couldn’t send him back to get tortured. You should see him Yoongi, he looks like he’s been through hell and back.”
The man’s eyes softened.
“I don’t know how you’re going to get yourself out of this mess, but I guess I’m getting dragged into it with you, aren’t I?”
“You can always quit, you know. I’d give you a cushy desk job somewhere in the company.”
“Eh I’ll wait. I’m still not fed up with you yet, even if I think you’re actually insane for this. So is the hybrid going to just lounge around here while you’re at work? Shouldn’t there be some supervision?”
You nod.
“Yeah, I notified the housekeepers already, told them I’d pay extra if they take care of him for me. His name’s Jungkook by the way. 60% human and 40% gray wolf.”
“40% is a lot.”
He’s right. The very few pet wolf hybrids in the market right now are 25% wolf, as that’s the max percentage before they get too dangerous to handle.
“Yeah, but I’m more of a threat to him than he is to me at this point.”
___
The workday is long, and you’re mentally not even there. Every five minutes, you’re thinking about Jungkook and how he’s doing. Thankfully, the housekeepers keep sending you updates to assure you he’s doing fine.
You scroll through with relief, reading what he’s up to throughout the day. Apparently, he was terrified of the shower, but had no problem drawing himself a bath. Another text let you know he loves the omelet the chef prepared for lunch. And the rest of the texts are just notifying you that he’s resting in his room at various points in the day. So far so good, thankfully.
With your mind at some ease, you can actually focus on work.
You get your hands on everything Pet Paradise can give on the Obedience Collar before officially signing a contract. There’s information that’s classified, mainly the patent for the synthetic hormones, but the books and research procedures are documented in the files in front of you. And unfortunately, they look spotless. The money is all there in a clear trail, no gaps or unusual patterns, and the research procedure follows all protocol needed. You want to just hide under your desk and avoid this entire situation.
You’re scheduled to tour the research facility tomorrow, and the last thing you want to do is see five more hybrids as scared as Jungkook—especially knowing you can’t scoop these ones up and take them home. But you’re holding out hope. There’s still a chance that something’s wrong at the facilities, something not shown on paper. At this point you’d settle for the smallest thing and find a way to blow it up so the whole operation has to be shut down. You’ve got some of the best lawyers in the country, so you might as well use them. You just need something to be wrong.
It's around 6:45pm when you arrive home, and one of the housekeepers greets you with a warm smile, immediately jumping into how well-behaved Jungkook is. It makes you wince to hear him described like that, especially knowing the amount of needles piercing his skin just to achieve the “well-behaved” status.
The staff all leave as you arrive, knowing you like them to be done by the time you're back. The chef has already left hours earlier, as he usually prepares dinner in advance and keeps it in the fridge.
Jungkook’s door is slightly ajar, and you peek in to see the boy melted into the bed. It’s weird; he looks a lot more tired than yesterday, eyes barely keeping themselves open. It’s probably the hormones, you conclude somberly.
“Jungkook, it’s time for dinner. Come on out.”
The boy takes the last bit of energy he has to trudge to the dinner table, and you put a heated up bowl of kimchi-jjigae down. You sit across and join, noticing that the stew is extra flavorful today.
“Mhmm, Chef Gyu really outdid himself with this one. And I bet the omelet was just as delicious. I was told you loved it, is that true?”
You look over expecting an answer, but what you see instead is Jungkook almost falling asleep right into the bowl before catching himself at the last minute.
Maybe the side effect of the hormones make him too sleepy to do anything?
Your thoughts are interrupted by your ringtone. It’s Chef Gyu.
“Hello Chef, I was just singing your praises for this food.”
There’s a nervous chuckle at the other end of the line.
“Thank you Y/N, glad you and your new friend liked it.”
“Is something wrong? You usually don't call this late.”
“Um, yes, actually. The reason I called is because of your hybrid.”
“What do you mean? I was told he stayed in his room for most of the day. Did he cause you any trouble?”
You look over, but Jungkook is too exhausted to register that you’re talking about him.
“No, none at all. He was extremely polite. The problem was the housekeeping staff…they didn’t do any of the work today.”
You feel a pit in your stomach, putting the pieces together.
“Did they…did they make Jungkook clean the house?”
“Yes Miss. They were watching TV for practically the whole time. I should’ve told you earlier, but I told myself it wasn’t my place. I’m deeply sorry.”
“Thank you for telling me now. I appreciate it a lot. I have to go.”
You hang up abruptly, seething the minute the phone is cut.
There’s a million different ways your mind is conjuring up of how to ruin the housekeeping agency, make them cry bankruptcy as you blacklist them from working anywhere ever again. The rage inside you is glowing red, and the only thing getting you to calm down at all is your objective of getting Jungkook back into bed before he actually does fall asleep into his dinner. You support his weight gently, grateful that he’s awake enough to zombie-walk wherever you lead him. It’s only when he’s tucked under the blankets do you let the anger stir up again.
They made him clean the entire house by himself. A house that usually takes eight people to clean, they made him do all alone so they could kick back and relax with your flatscreen TV. It astonishes you how cruel people can be, how they can look into his scared doe eyes and take advantage of him.
The world is not on Jungkook’s side right now, it seems.
___
Yesterday’s incident is fresh in your mind the next morning. Thankfully, Yoongi found a new housekeeping service at the last minute. You’re still worried that the same thing might happen again, but you can’t afford to miss work today; so, you do the best that you can and ask Chef Gyu to keep an eye on the situation while he’s cooking.
Today’s the day you need to tour the lab facilities for the Obedience Collar—a task you’d trade in to do quite literally anything else. Yoongi looks at you with concern, seeing the strain this visit is putting on you.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. Isn’t the plan to go in and find something to shut the whole thing down?”
“But if I can’t shut it down? What if there’s nothing wrong there either, and I have to look into the faces of five other abused hybrids and know I’m ruining their lives? What if I just call the whole thing off? Yes Mr.Kang is going to be insufferable and yes it’s going to cause a blow to my reputation, but it can’t be worth it to go through with this. It’s just not right.”
The room is silent for a second before Yoongi speaks up.
“It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was trying to find a good time to tell you since yesterday, but you’ve been so stressed that I didn’t know how…”
“Spit it out Yoongi.”
“Kang got on the board of directors at Jewel Accounting.”
Your blood runs cold. Jewel Accounting is one of your key partners.
“W-what do you mean? Isn’t that a conflict of interest? How can he be on the board that has to audit his own company?”
“He’s overseeing consulting, not audits. Pet Paradise wouldn’t be his client, but I’m afraid pulling out of this deal on a whim is going to make business a lot harder for us. The only way out is finding a good legal argument against investing.”
You want to shove your head into a bucket of cement.
___
The lab is cold and sterile, with glaring fluorescent lights, medical lab equipment spread everywhere, and white-tiles lining floor to ceiling. The researchers guiding you, however, seem to be in a chipper mood, smiling as if they don’t torture hybrids on a daily basis here. First, your team is taken around to look at the facility in general. Jungkook’s adverse reaction to showers makes sense when you see the one tiny sad looking shower stall they use—a lab assistant boasts about the stall being “efficient” by fitting at least three of them in at once.
Yoongi lightly touches your shoulder at different points throughout the tour, as if to ground you. There’s no beds, just a chamber with cots on the floor, and the food packets of sludgy brown gruel are easily the least appetizing thing you’ve ever seen.
“And now we have the part you are all, no doubt, most excited for: the research subjects!”
You hold your breath, dreading what comes next.
One by one, each wolf hybrid is brought out and lined up in front of you, all with the same fear engraved in them as Jungkook. They might be the hybrids, but you’re the one with urge to claw someone’s eyes out at the moment.
“We’ve trained different ones for different purposes, just to test how well the collar can make them behave in different situations. Jungkook was given away before any specific training, but the rest are skilled in different domains. First up we have Jin, Jimin, and Taehyung.”
Three of the hybrids step forward. One is a broad-shouldered blonde, with two smaller-framed brunettes next to him.
“These three have been trained for housework and taking care of children. Now, we know the image of a wolf-hybrid putting a baby to sleep sounds ridiculous, but this technology really is that advanced.”
Someone in the back makes some joke about a wolf singing rock-a-bye baby and everyone laughs. You and Yoongi fake a laugh to keep up appearances.
“The next one is Hoseok”
He’s lean with slicked-back black hair, and you notice he’s the only one dressed up, with a low v-neck shirt that leaves plenty of his chest exposed. More than he’s comfortable with, it seems, because you notice his hands itching to cover himself up. He doesn’t though, just fidgets with the sides of the shirt instead.
“He’s a romantic companion. Trained to give pleasure to any gender and for any intimate situation. He can fulfill every fantasy your minds can conjure up!”
There’s some snickers erupting again, but neither you or your assistant can attempt to fake laugh this time. Especially not when he makes eye contact, giving you a trained flirty smile that doesn’t reach his eyes one bit.
“And the last one is Namjoon, the pack alpha.”
Namjoon steps up, the tallest of them all. He stands the straightest as well. His hair is black and his eyes are more dragon-like than wolf, looking straight ahead with a stoic expression. The only indication of his scared nature is his trembling fingers and pleading eyes, but that aside, he looks as still as a statue.
“He’s a guard hybrid, perfect to keep intruders away. He’s been trained in a mix of defensive martial arts. Plus, he’s an alpha so you’d have to be insane to try to fight him off. Fun fact, hormone packs for alphas are different—they have a higher dosage. It took some experimentation, but we finally got the levels right.
And with that, you’ve seen the whole pack! Normally, training a wolf hybrid to do any of these would take at least two years, and that’s only for the ones 25% max wolf DNA. God knows training a 40% wolf would be nearly impossible. But with the help of the Obedience Collar, not only can we train higher percentages of wolves, but we can train them in as little as three months! As Mr.Kang probably told you a thousand times already, this will really revolutionize the hybrid market!”
___
You toss your laptop bag onto the sofa right as you come in through the door, kicking your heels off and slouching into your favorite recliner. You can’t be bothered to put things up in a tidy manner at the moment, especially with how shitty you feel.
There wasn’t a single flaw you could find at the lab today. All the equipment had passed inspection checks and were state-of-the art, the researchers had proper credentials and specialized licenses in hybrid research, and every procedure conducted was documented thoroughly—you made it a point to skip over the entire section for Hoseok, wanting to stay far away from the details of what he was made to do.
You let out a frustrated groan. Forgetting you’re no longer alone in your house, hearing footsteps shuffle spooks you for a second, before you see the wolf hybrid timidly come into the living room. Thankfully, he looks well-rested today. Chef Gyu did text you a while back that the new cleaners were doing well, and Jungkook was actually resting in his room for real this time. He does a quick bow before walking over and propping your heels up correctly. His next mission seems to be to put your carelessly tossed laptop bag in its proper place.
“You don’t need to do that for me Jungkook. I can do it myself.”
“Sorry Miss.”
You hate how meek he sounds, and that he’s the one apologizing in this situation. You should be getting on your knees spilling apologies right now, for going to that lab to see his pack be flaunted off like toys. But instead, he’s looking at you as if he’s the guilty one.
“You didn’t do anything to apologize for. Thank you for tidying up, I appreciate it.” You give me a reassuring smile, but he seems more confused than anything else. He doesn’t know if that means to do it more in the future or not do it all…he wishes you could just give simple commands instead of these tests.
You sit down for dinner, but don’t know how much of an appetite you have after today.
“Do you like the fried rice?”
“Yes Miss” he says between big spoonful, and the way he talks with his cheeks full makes you melt a little.
“Call me Y/N, please.”
“Yes Miss Y/N.”
“Just Y/N is fine”
He raises a brow,
“Pets should address their owners politely, Miss Y/N.”
That sentence makes your skin crawl. The way he so casually refers to himself as a pet, and to you as an owner.
“It’s okay Jungkook, I like being called Y/N.”
“…if you say so, Y/N.”
The name alone feels so wrong on his tongue, making him worry that someone in a lab coat is about to come drag him away for extra obedience training.
“Thank you. So, what have you been doing all day?”
“I tried to help out with the housework, but the people today told me that wasn’t my job…which was really confusing because the people yesterday told me that it was my job.”
“It’s not your job.”
“What is my job Mis—I mean, Y/N? I know I don't have specialized training, but I'm a quick learner! If you could give me a list on how to be good here, I’ll do my best and follow it.”
You want to tell him he doesn’t have to worry about things like that anymore, but you’re concerned that a conversation like that will malfunction his brain. How could it not, when the hormones flowing through his body plus the brainwashing tell him that’s all he should be thinking about.
“There is one thing you could do for me”
His wolf ears perk up, eager for a command.
“It’s really hard to keep up with the latest shows with my job, but I feel left out when everyone in the office has seen something I haven’t. If I give you a list, you think you could watch them for me and give me the summaries?”
“Yes absolutely! I’ll take detailed notes and tell you everything!”
There’s genuine excitement in his eyes. Jungkook’s never had the opportunity to watch TV before, and he can’t believe his luck. He doesn’t show his joy too much though, fearing that you’ll think he’s using the assignment as an excuse to slack off. He wants to be good, wants to show you he’s well-trained.
“Perfect. You’ll be helping me out a lot.”
You have to bite your lip to keep a straight face, endeared by how hard he’s trying to hide his excitement. But the moment is short-lived, as Jungkook’s face turns sour in an instant.
“What are you thinking about?”
“My pack. They’d probably love watching TV too.”
You don’t say anything to that.
Dinner ends with an uncomfortable silence looming in the air, that is until Jungkook spills juice on himself.
“I’m so sorry!”
“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.”
“B-but you just got me these clothes. I was being careless. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s really fine, it’s not hard to get it dry-cleaned. I’ll put the dishes up, so go in and change into something else.”
He gives you one last string of “I’m so sorry”s before heading off to his room.
Once you’ve loaded the dishwasher, you make your way upstairs to the boy’s room, seeing if he needs anything before bed. His bedroom door is open, as is the bathroom door. You follow the sounds of scrubbing before being met with his back to you, hunched over the sink, trying to get the stain out of the white t-shirt. He’s topless and you know it’s wrong to ogle at his incredibly fit physique right now, but something catches your attention right before you’re about to avert your eyes.
Blue splotches pepper his waist, almost bruise-like but not quite.
“Um, Jungkook”
The boy turns,
“What are those blue marks?”
He twists his body in front of the mirror, looking at the marks with the same amount of confusion as you.
“I have no clue.”
Was it an allergic reaction? Have your “eat up” commands been making him eat food he’s allergic to?
“Do you have any allergies?”
“I’m not sure…no one’s ever told me…but I feel fine.”
“Nothing hurts? No nausea, hives, itchy nose?”
He shakes his head.
“I’ll come home early tomorrow and schedule a visit with a hybrid doctor in the evening.”
The color in his face visibly drains.
“I’m a-alright. Really.”
No doctor please. Last thing I need is another person in a white coat messing with my body again.
Your tone softens, “Relax, the most it’ll be is an allergy test. No one’s going to hurt you.”
Jungkook’s back to shaking as much as he did on his first day.
____
A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know if you're liking it so far!
Taglist: @welcometomyworld13 @kalala22
*If Tumblr doesn't let me tag you for some reason, I'll send you a DM instead!
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chronicbeans · 5 months
Text
Queerplatonic Alastor x Reader Headcanons
Hehe my plan of writing headcanons for various Aroace-spec identity Alastor headcanons has begun. This one is with a cupioromantic and asexual Alastor in mind. I haven't seen enough of them, and as they say! "If you want it done right, you gotta do it yourself."
TW: Frustrations regarding romantic identity, complete unawareness of certain LGBTQ+ topics (my man's from the 1920's, he's almost completely in the dark), slight yandere behavior? (I feel he's just obsessive by default, regardless of the relationship type)
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• So, this man has never necessarily identified himself with any sort of LGBTQ+ labels. Back in his day, there weren't any terms to use for being asexual or aromantic. At least, not any that he knew of. He's always been comfortable with his sexuality, though! His main thought process was always "I'll probably find someone that I'm attracted to at some point, and if I don't, that's alright." That thought process has also followed him down to Hell, and stayed the same for all these years.
• However... Whilst he's very comfortable with his sexuality... His romantic feelings are very complicated, now. He's always desired to have one, and he's very confused as to why he hasn't felt any romantic attraction, yet. It makes sense that someone who wants a romantic relationship to be able to feel romantic attraction, yes? He's very much in the dark to the complexities of how these things really work, mostly due to him being from the 1920s-30s. He's caught up on slang and technology, but he hasn't bothered to keep up with sexualities and romantic identities, as he doesn't think about them much.
• So, does he ask any more modern demons and sinners for help? Ha! No. He's too prideful, and simply assumes that there probably isn't much of a difference in knowledge on romantic attraction as compared to his day. Yes, he's aware that there's way more identities for sexualities. People talk about them often, and he hears terms thrown around here and there as he walks through Hell. He never hears anything in regards to romance, though. It's simply not talked about as often, from his experience. So, he's completely in the dark. If anything, he's probably completely unaware that there are identities for romantic attraction.
• He does what he can to cope. This whole situation is very frustrating for him. However, at the same time, he thinks that it shouldn't be so frustrating. So, it's embarrassing to him, and he doesn't tell anyone about it. Instead, he does what he believes everyone who is single and ready to mingle does: reading romance novels. More specifically, he flips to parts where said attraction is described, or little scenarios that he wants is going on. Restaurant dates, walking through the park, dancing, holding hands and cuddling. Those sorts of things! Things nobody would ever expect someone as unhinged as him would want...
• The most frustrating part, however, is that he feels he should already be feeling such an attraction to you. You, being his most close friend. You're the one he trusts with certain secrets, one of the few people he doesn't mind touching him unprompted (besides, say, Niffty), and probably the only person he lets his smile down around. Though, he rarely does so, as he doesn't want to worry you. Unlike Niffty, who he sees as having a more familial feeling towards, he sees you as a close friend. His closest friend, but just a close friend, which frustrates him to no end.
• It takes him a long time to even think of mentioning it to someone. However, when he does, he'd feel too awkward to bring it up to you. So, he decides to speak to Charlie about it! After all, she has one of the more "modern" relationships. So, she probably also knows something about whatever is going on with him! And after the long and grueling process of talking to her? He comes out even more frustrated than before. Being unable to feel romantic attraction, but still want romance? Cupioromantic? It is all so confusing. However, he won't question it. He's clearly out of his zone, and he was horribly wrong when assuming the world of romance hadn't progressed...
• You, however, are his most trusted friend. His closest friend. So, he decides to waste no time in deciding to propose an idea to you. He's heard of these things called "queerplatonic relationships", and his understanding is that they are like friendships, but with some more traditionally romantic interactions involved. Which, whilst his understanding of the nature of queerplatonic relationships may be a bit off, he's trying his best. Once you explain it a bit further, emphasizing that they're closer relationships than friendships, but not romantic and can vary widely in affectionate interactions, he is immediately is set on trying to start one with you. Luckily, though, you agree rather quickly.
• Despite him wanting many of your interactions and ways of showing affection to be more traditionally romantic, such as cuddling or going out on friendly dates, he won't cross any boundaries. Both because you're his closest, most prized relationship with another person, and because he can't think of many other people who would even be willing to enter such a relationship with him if he ever asked. Not that he'd want to ask anyone else. There's a reason why he immediately went to you. It's hard for him to describe it, though. Despite being a man of words, whenever he tries to explain why he feels like you are the perfect person for him to enter this queerplatonic relationship with, he stumbles heavily.
• His little ideal for this relationship is, essentially, the types of things he's read in the romance novels he has. Sure, a little bit of a twisted version of it, but at it's core it's the same. He wants to cuddle in a nice, safe, and warm room (while there's probably the screams of an extermination going on the background). He wants to go to restaurants (this man's a cannibal so check your food). He wants to do the cheesy move of handing you red roses and candy as a gift (do not ask how he was able to buy such an expensive brand, or where the two large, heavy trash bags came from or what they are filled with).
• He's going to be very, VERY protective of you. Almost, if not completely to an obsessive degree. He knows how Hell is. People want power, and he's powerful, and you are close to him. He's sure many people are going to go after you, in order to get to him. So, your little relationship is going to be as well protected of a secret as it can be, at first, until he believes he can properly protect you from any danger. And after the secret is out, he's going to be right by your side the entire time. Literally. Whenever he can be, he's next to you. Nobody, except maybe Vox or another pesky overlord, is going to try to hurt you as long as he is there. Even then, he could completely destroy them, anyways!
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faithshouseofchaos · 3 months
Note
My Dear, My Dear it is I 🦌. Hi darling how are you, how’s mars and well done on your recent works. Normally I just pop in for a chat but today I do have a request (if you want to write it, no pressure though darl)
Okay so after Kimi’s retirement and during Oscars rookie season Kimi and his wife come to see one of the races. They had been watching the races and took a fascination in Oscar because he is similar to Kimi. So they go to the race and practically adopt the young Aussie. Mark and Kimi just having this custody battle because he can have only one dad.
And you can pick the ending my deer
Please and thank you darl
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Grid kid — Kimi raikkonen x reader ft Oscar piastri and Mark Webber
Tagged— @ashy-kit @astraeaworld @alwayzbeenale @a-casual-romantic @amatswimming @67-angelofthelordme-67 @badassturtle13 @bblouifford @bbtoni @barcelonaloverf1life @charlesf1leclerc @clowngirlsstuff @crashingwavesofeuphoria @dark-night-sky-99 @dudenhaaa27 @eugene-emt-roe @embrosegraves @faithsotherhouseofchaos @formulas-bitch @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hangmandruigandmav @hollie911 @hrts4scarr @ironcowboycopnickel @jeffs77 @kimiracing07 @lollypop90907 @lightdragonrayne @laura-naruto-fan1998 @llando4norris @moss-on-tmblr @omgsuperstarg @oconswrld @otako5811 @purplephantomwolf @reidsworld @scotlynaurora @starkwlkr @taylorswifts-cardigan @toasttt11 @vellicora @venusisnothere @vivwritesfics
“What are you going to do about Mark when you manage to take Oscar under your wing?” You asked Kimi when he parked the car.
“Who?” Kimi asked
“Mark, Mark Webber, Oscar's manager, his Hero. You know that Mark used to be Seb's teammate” you say.
“I forgot about Mark”
“How did you forget about him?” You replied
“I don't know he’s always talking about something,” Kimi said “I didn't pay attention”
“Well, Oscar is like a son to Mark, and he is trying to make a name for himself around the paddock,” you replied.
“Oh... well I guess, but do you think Mark will let me take him under my wing?” Kimi asked
“Do you think he has a say?” You asked
“Well he’s his manager, so yeah he has a say,” Kimi said.
“No he doesn’t, Mark knows that Oscar could benefit from the help of a legend such as yourself Kimi.” You reply.
“Well I mean you kinda are,” you tell him
“I guess, but Mark can’t act like he has the final say on whether or not I can help Oscar” Kimi says “And that brings us to my next question....”
“And that is?” You ask
“What if I just kidnap Oscar? Take him into the wilderness and take him under my wing there, that way Mark can’t do anything about it?” Kimi asks.
“I don’t think it would be weird at all.” You reply “You would be able to share a lot of tips and tricks with him about racing. Your experience would be helpful to him as well”
“That is true,” Kimi says, giggling. “Oscar would benefit more from my help and experience rather than Marks”
“So do you think that I should ask Oscar if he wants to work with me? If so, how do I go about doing that exactly? Should I just walk up to him and be straightforward about it?” Kimi says
“There’s no other way than to just be straightforward with him. Just go up and ask if he wants your help, if he wants your advice and tips about the sport.” You reply
“And you think he’ll say yes?” Kimi asks
“Of course he will, who would say no to advice from a Formula One legend” you reply “He is going to say yes”
“Yeah you are probably right, alright I’ll go talk to him,” Kimi says as he starts walking away.
“Remember to be straightforward with him”
“Right,” he says, walking towards the paddock to find Mark.
Kimi continues his search for Mark. After a few minutes of walking, he eventually sees Mark standing outside his trailer looking at his laptop.
“There you are Mark, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Kimi says as he approaches Mark and stops in front of him.
“What is it?” Mark asks while looking up from his laptop.
“I’m planning on offering my assistance to Oscar,” Kimi says “I’ve noticed that he’s a pretty decent kid and he could benefit from having my mentorship.”
Mark raises an eyebrow and has a look of suspicion on his face “So… you want to mentor the new kid?” Mark asks
“Yes, that’s correct” Kimi replies with a confident tone in his voice.
“So you expect me to let you take my grid kid away from me?” Mark responds “After all I spent all of this effort getting him a seat in Formula 1 and you just expect me to hand him over to you?”
“I’m not asking you to hand him over to me” Kimi clarifies “I’m just letting you know that I’ve offered Oscar my mentorship in hopes of helping him become a better driver.”
“And is Oscar planning on accepting your mentorship?” Mark asks
“Yes, I’d assume so. I talked to him and it seemed like he was going to accept my offer” Kimi tells him.
“Well even if he does want to work with you... you know that I’m not just going to let that happen easily. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep that kid under my wing” Mark says sternly.
“How exactly are you going to stop that?” Kimi asks “Oscar is his person and he has a choice. He can choose if he wants me or you as his mentor.”
“He’s my new client that I spent all of this time and effort getting on to the grid. He isn’t just going to ditch me in favor of someone else.” Mark says “I have every right to be his mentor, not you…”
“Really?” Kimi says “So you’re saying I would be wasting my time by trying to mentor the kid? You are just going to keep a kid from growing and learning because he is “your client”?”
“Well, yes....” Mark says not to seem fazed by Kimi's comment at all. “He is a talented kid and I want what’s best for him.... which is me....not you.”
“So you just want me to walk away and let you do your thing?” Kimi asks “Just so you know I’m not going to let that happen, I have every right to help him…”
“He’s my kid if you want a grid kid rookie go talk to Logan Sargent he needs all the help he can get,” Mark says
“Excuse me?” Kimi says “Did you just call Oscar your kid? He isn’t even your son...”
“No he may not be my son, but he’s the closest I have to one, as weird as that may sound.” Mark says “I’m not going to just give him up just like that, no matter how good you are.
“So I guess I should just give up on helping the new kid?” Kimi says with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“Well it doesn’t seem like I’m going to be able to change your mind, so I guess I don’t have much of a choice,” Kimi says, turning around and beginning to walk away.
Kimi walks through the paddock and eventually finds Oscar standing alone outside his team's trailer.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” Kimi says as he walks up next to Oscar.
“Yeah sure” Oscar replies “What’s up?”
“Well..you know... I’ve been noticing you around the paddock for a while now since you are a rookie and all... and I just wanted to let you know I’m willing to help you if you need any advice or tips to help with your racing career” Kimi says
“Are you saying that you want to be my mentor or something?” Oscar asks
“Well.. yes I guess you could say that” Kimi answers “If you don’t mind that is”
“As much as I would love that I can’t do that to Mark,” Oscar says
“Why not?” Kimi asks
“He’s my Hero and it would be wrong” Oscar says with a shrug of his shoulders
Kimi chuckles at Oscar’s loyalty to Mark.
“You a good kid Oscar,” Kimi says
“Why thank you, that means a lot coming from a Formula One Champion such as yourself,” Oscar says with a sincere smile on his face.
“Of course, you are a talented kid, it’s just a matter of learning from the best to make your way to the top,” Kimi says with a smile on his face.
“I’m sure that I will get there someday”. Oscar says with confidence in his voice “I still have years left in this sport, I’ll prove to everyone that I can be a World Champion.”
“And I have faith in you that you can do that.” Kimi replies “Just stay motivated and don’t give up, that’s the biggest factor to success.”
“And I have faith in you that you can do that.” Kimi replies “Just stay motivated and don’t give up, that’s the biggest factor to success.”
“Thank you, I will remember that.” Oscar says “Just having this conversation with you already helps a ton”.
“No problem, kid,” Kimi says with a chuckle on his face. “Anytime you want advice, or you need a few tips and tricks you know where to find me.”
“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind,” Oscar says. “Thanks again Kimi”, he says with a smile.
“Of course, no problem,” Kimi says with a chuckle. “Now I have to find Mark to tell him some important news”.
“Oh it’s nothing really,” Kimi says, now walking away “Just go and get some practice in, you have a session to get ready for”.
“Alright...will do,” Oscar says as he turns around and walks away.
“Hey Oscar,” Kimi called out.
“Yeah”
“Mark called you didn’t he?” Kimi asked
“Yeah he did,” Oscar says
“Well my offer still stands,” Kimi told him
“I know” Osacr says and Kimi nodded and began to walk away.
Bonus scene….
You were outside the Mercedes Motorhome caring up with Lewis when you saw Sebastian,Fernando and Jenson running.
“Whoa boys where’s the fire!” You called out and Lewis laughed
“I have to get to Logan before Kimi steals him” Jenson says before running off
“Okay.. and what about you two?”
“Charles and Mick I can’t let him take Charles and Mick ” Seb says
“And you Nando?” You asked
“I need to check on Oscar, I'm his mother,” Nando says, running off also.
“What was that all about?” Lewis asked.
“You don’t wanna know”
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bedoballoons · 9 months
Note
Hear me out!!! Lyney/Albedo/Wanderer/Xiao catching reader getting high and getting off alone to pictures of them!! /w\ Some punishment maybe for having fun by themselves hehe
KDBSKDNDK YES! Thank you for you're request and I hope you enjoy! Sorry for lack of posts, had a lot going on the past few days!!
─⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿─
{༻~High and having fun~༺}
CW: Nsfw! MDNI! Reader gets high, punishments, teasing, fingering, cursing, spanking with a ruler in Albedos, a bit of degradation in Wanderers, rough sex, pet names: (Lyney: Mon chérie/amour, Wanderer: Slut, Albedo: Love), GN reader!
(Includes: Lyney, Albedo, Wanderer, and Xiao!)
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𑁍༄Lyney:
You bit your lip, your cheeks warm with a deep red blush and your eyes glazed over with lust... you never would have guessed getting high could have such a effect on you, but as your hands slowly ran down your body...stopping to play with your eager hole while you while you looked at the picture of your magician...you felt so warm all over...so...good. You moaned out quietly as you dipped your fingers inside of yourself, the feeling of it heightened in your dazed state.
"Ngh-hhh Lynneyy~" You gasped out his name breathlessly, your digits now pumping steadily in and out of your entrance greedily, for a split second you thought you might actually get away with doing things all alone...and then he spoke, "My my my...mon chérie, never would I have guessed you'd attempt to have this kinda fun without me here, you know thats against the rules...and here I was with a romantic night all planned out for us, seems I'll have to save that for another time.."
"Noo...I wanna be romantic...I wanna be with you....i-im sorry please." You shook your head, rubbing your thighs together needily while he smirked at you...a devilish glint in his bright violet eyes, "You're the one who broke the rules mon amour...your going to finish what you started, all by yourself and if I catch you finishing without my permission...there will be consequences."
You didnt really hear his threat...licking your lips as you looked him up and down..., he noticed your stares and you could have sworn he winked at you, but your fantasy was cut short when he gestured for you to continue...even though you no longer wanted to...no you'd much rather have him continue for you, "Lynneyy pretty please...I'm s-sorry...I just felt so warm and mnn so ready for you, pleeeasee.."
"I won't tell you again...begin. I wanna see a show~" He leaned back against the wall, his attention entirely yours...which usually would have left you feeling shy, but that wasn't a option and you had no choice but to follow his instructions, teasing your hole with your fingers yet again, picturing his tip doing so instead, sinking your digits so deep inside...spreading yourself with a moan while Lyney watched.
"Nhhh l-lyneyy~" You imagined his cock in place of your fingers, so deep in you while you shouted out his name for everyone to hear...your body quivering with each pump of your didgets. You repositioned yourself so he could see better, instantly seeing the new bulge in his tight clothing that made you shiver with excitement, "L-lyney ahhh lyne-eey p-please.." You could feel your core tightening with ecstasy, your release inching closer and closer.
He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes while you continued to desperately moan out for him, "You wanna finish the show hmm... I don't know if I should let you mon chérie~" You shut your eyes tightly, your body feeling hot all over and his touch only adding to the wildfire of needs building up inside of you, "P-pleeease ahh~" He chuckled at your response, admiring your handiwork for a moment he decided you'd had enough...for now. "Alright...show me the end~"
You came on the spot, breathing roughly as your wetness dripped down your legs...and wanting more than anything else to help out your magician...with his newfound problem.
𑁍༄Albedo:
You touched Albedos picture, imagining what he would do to you if he caught you in the position you were in right now...playing with yourself in his lab while under the influence, not caring for a second if someone were to walk in....making a mess all over his desk. You couldn't help it, you'd lost your filter and all you wanted now was his hands on you, his cock grazing your insides as you gasped for relief...it just sounded so good.
You tilted your head back, remembering his lips against your skin and his voice deep in your ear, all of it causing you to moan loudly "Ahhhhah~" unaware the door had opened...and a certain pale blonde had found you, his blue eyes shimmering with excitement at your shenanigans. He picked up the ruler you'd thrown aside...smacking it against his palm and instantly drawing your attention away from your activities, your hands pausing mid motion, "A-a-albedo...I was j-just-"
"Love...get off my desk, in fact please...bend over it, back towards me, I want to try something~" You gulped...sliding off his desk and turning around...your ass out in the open for him, the sight of you enough to make his cock twitch in his pants as he lined up the ruler.
Smack!
The ruler harshly hit your skin, leaving a burning sensation that had tears welling up in your eyes and a pained moan escape your lips....
Smack!
Again the ruler hit your rear end and then again and again, until your ass was bright red...and you were begging for some sort of relief, apologizing more times than you could count...
𑁍༄Wanderer:
You laid back, sprawled out on the bed you and Wanderer usually shared, breathing heavily with a sinful look on your face and clutching your boyfriends picture in your hand while your other busied itself with pleasuring your entrance. Your whole body was on fire, senses on overdrive and your lower regions throbbing with desire, craving his touch.
You couldn't stop yourself, especially with your mind already hazy from getting high just moments before and your touch starved body wanting his...you were almost hoping Wanderer would find you at this point. Little did you know... he already had, in fact he'd been there for awhile, enjoying your desperate pleas for his cock and how easy it was for you to get off just from his picture alone, he was more than a little turned on by it.
"Well, look at this..what a dirty little slut~"
You sat straight up, a excited shiver running down your spine, "W-wanderer...when did you g-get back hmm?" He smirked at you, catching you off guard when he harshly shoved you back onto the mattress and started undoing his shorts eagerly, "Shut it, you've got me all hot and bothered and now you're gonna pay for it, I'm sure that won't be a issue considering how high off your ass you are, horny bitch." Your home quivered and his rude words, god you'd missed him so much...
You were lucky you had prepared yourself because he sure as hell wasn't going to do it for you, his tip grazing your entrance while you moaned in delight and then dug your nails into his back as he shoved his entire length into you without remorse, thrusting so roughly you could barely breath, you shouted at him to go slower but he merrily laughed in your face " You w-were so cock hungry early...I'm just giving you w-what you wanted~" He groaned into your ear, his dick pounding into you with such force you couldn't even remember your own name, "Ahh! P-lease p-please! Ngh-hh!"
"You can cum w-when I do slut." He lifted your leg over his shoulder, going even deeper into you while you struggled to keep your climax at bay, your tight walls making him drunk with lust and pushing him so far over the edge. "F-fuuck~" He slammed his dick into you one last time, his hot sticky seed shooting into you while you screamed out his name, finishing so hard you could see celestia...for now you'd enjoy it, but tomorrow...you probably wouldn't even be able to stand.
𑁍༄Xiao:
You grinded yourself on on Xiaos bulge, your face absolutely red with blush since he'd caught you cumming on your own fingers, the picture you always had of him now soiled by your own wetness. His hands were holding your hips in place, his lips on your neck while you begged him desperately to fuck you and attempted to get any amount of friction you could, you were so needy and completely unashamed due to being under the influence...
"Xiao, i-i know I was b-bad but i-i-"
He put his finger to your mouth, signalling for you to be quiet before letting his hand travel down your stomach to your heat, his yellow eyes gleaming with mischief as he played with you, toying with you like he'd actually let you finish. "How dare you not call for me...not say my name while you did dirty things to yourself~" You hid your face with your hands, moaning breathlessly at your overstimulated hole getting pleasured all over again, "I-im s-ooorry! Mnngh! D-dont stop p-please doont s-stop!"
He shook his head, acting like he was disappointed in you while he pumped his digits in and out of your entrance with haste, your core tightening around him eagerly as you let out a loud gasp when you feeling yourself getting close.
And then it stopped, a whine escaping your lips, "N-no I'm sorry i-im sorry!"
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ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚Oo la la*⁠.⁠✧
721 notes · View notes
redbullgirly · 4 months
Note
Hellooo 👋, can you write enemies to lovers with fernando alonso maybe with some angst? 🤭
It's totally alright if you don't want to! Thankssss :))
EL DESTINO [FA14 oneshot]
Fernando Alonso x reader
Masterlist
Summary: Y/N works for Alpine, and even though Fernando Alonso isn't part of the team anymore, they can't forget their distaste for each other. The driver seems to think she's just an irresponsible party girl and Y/N doesn't like him because he's, well... annoying and mean and doesn't care about anybody but himself. Though could they be both wrong in their prejudices?
Word Count: 4.5k
Warnings: Not much, maybe they're kind of mean to each other and stupid at the start, but that's the point of enemies to lovers, right? XD
Author's Note: Hello Anon and thank you for the request! I didn't expect it to turn out so long, but hey XD. I hope you and everybody else will like it. Also I tried for a little bit of angst, but I'm not sure if I'm good at it... you can let me know :).
If anyone could read your thoughts at the moment, you’d probably end up locked behind bars and with the key from your cell thrown far away. Whoever's great idea was to allow the group of inexperienced interns to touch the important data and statistics deserved to rot seven feet underground. Chopped into small pieces. And doused in poison that eats their lifeless body until there's nothing left.
Okay, that's maybe a bit too violent, but still not far from the truth.
You rubbed your tired eyes, not caring about smudging the mascara anymore. There was basically no one left in the building, just a few mechanics desperately needing the cars to be in perfect condition tomorrow – or should we say today? And then there was you, who stupidly agreed to fix the disaster caused by too much excitement and not enough cautiousness. You knew the interns didn't do it on purpose, and blaming them wasn't going to help you, but still. It wasn't them who had to sit there long after their working hours ended, staring into a too bright computer screen.
When you finally managed to save all the damaged data, it was almost three in the morning, and before you made it back to the hotel, you weren't sure if it was even worth going to bed. Because of the emergency, you didn't have time to finish your usual duties. And even though it wouldn't be fair to want the analysis from you, that wasn't how the game was played in motorsport.
Legs almost giving out under you, you dragged yourself to the elevator. The poor lady sitting at the receptionist desk looked at you skeptically, but didn't say anything as you stepped in and pressed the button with the number of your floor on it. Generic music started playing, numbing your brain even more.
The metal door was about to close, but then a hand came between it. Before you blinked and processed what's happening, a man slipped into the elevator right next to you, pressing his own number.
You see, everything could have been fine. You could've just survived the thirty seconds of embarrassing silence, then mumble a polite goodbye and go to sleep in peace. But no. Fate apparently had other plans for you.
Because as the man turned to you and the bright light hit his face, you realized it wasn't just some stranger.
Suddenly, the silence shifted from the normal elevator weirdness to tension. You pressed your lips together, silently cursing the higher power that decided to mess with your life just today, when you looked like a zombie. With smudged mascara. Perfect.
For someone, maybe it would be a fulfilled dream to be in an elevator with Fernando Alonso. Two time World Champion, great driver, loved person. And a dickhead that almost ruined your whole career.
“You look like you had a wild night,” he murmured with a thick Spanish accent. You narrowed your brows, trying to control the anger bubbling inside of you. Was he trying to insult you? You wouldn't even be surprised.
“Perhaps I did, thank you very much.” Your voice lacked any signs of friendliness, clearly trying to provoke him. It was quite funny, really, how a minute ago you didn't have energy to think clearly, and now you were ready to argue with this man over anything. Almost like the magic of despising someone.
You noticed his jaw tensing and knew it wouldn't be good. But still, his words hurt: “Maybe if you focused more on doing your job instead of wild nights out, Alpine would do better.”
The sting in your chest was strong, but by some miracle the elevator finally stopped, and the robotic voice announced the twenty-sixth floor. Even life itself took pity on you, it seemed.
Without any other word, you turned away from Alonso and walked into the empty hallway, hearing a quiet scoff and then the door sliding closed again behind you, leaving you all alone in the darkness. How poetic.
Every door you passed looked exactly the same, and you just hoped you remembered your room number correctly.
You didn't even remember taking out the card and entering your temporary home for the weekend. You didn't remember taking your clothes off, removing the remaining makeup with a tissue because you were too tired for your usual skin care routine. You didn't remember responsibly setting up your alarm and then falling into the soft mattress.
All you could remember before the exhaustion took over were his words that cut deeper than he thought, and deeper than you'd like to admit.
-----
You couldn't believe it.
As you walked out of the debrief, you could basically feel everybody's frustration crawling up your spine, mixing with your own. The team, all the mechanics and engineers, pit crew members and marketing, hundreds of people worked so hard the whole week. And for what?
It was already bad when both cars didn't finish the last Grand Prix in Silverstone. But for it to happen again? That was downright embarrassing. Not only did it bring exactly zero points in the Constructors' Championship, but the drivers were angry, disappointed. You could see that in the team, the motivation level decreased quickly. And honestly, you couldn't blame them.
Last year, Alpine was the fourth-best car on the grid. Best of the rest, as they'd call it. But this season, everything was going terribly. You honestly weren't far from crying.
To lighten up the mood, some of your colleagues decided to enjoy a night out in Budapest before you'd have to fly to Belgium tomorrow, to prepare for yet another racing weekend. At first, you declined the offer, insisting you needed to catch up on some work, do analysis for the car and figure out exactly what happened to it. But then, one of the mechanics you were friendlier with saw your drooping shoulders, and pulled you into the club despite all your weak protests.
Soon enough, you let loose and after an hour, you were a few drinks in. Your head was spinning, a big smile planted on your lips and giggles coming out of your mouth uncontrollably. Not that you had low alcohol tolerance, but the last time you got properly drunk was some time ago. Perhaps you just forgot how it felt. The freedom, the sweet mist of oblivion clouding your mind.
Currently, you were sitting at the bar, sipping on a cocktail. You already enjoyed your time on the dance floor, which tired you more than expected. Thank God you went to the club right from the paddock, so instead of high heels that'd kill your feet, you had comfortable sneakers on.
As you waved at the young barman to give you another round of whatever he mixed for you before, you felt someone's eyes on your back. You didn't bother to turn around, thinking it was just another drunken man checking out half of the women in the club.
Then, someone stood behind you. “The drink's on me, hermosa,” the man said, voice smooth like honey. You froze. You knew that deep, thick Spanish accent too well. What the hell was Alonso doing here?
He clearly mistook your silence for an impressed one, or so you thought when he came to sit down next to you, his hand gently brushing your back. That was the moment you turned your head towards him, eyes wide, and his face dropped. So did yours.
You hoped for a split second you could pretend you were total strangers randomly meeting in a bar for just a little longer when he instantly frowned and his demeanor changed from charming gentleman to pain in the ass.
“Y/L/N,” he uttered it in a way that made you wonder if there was something wrong with your last name. “Guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you here.”
And here it was — the instant wave of anger and hurt he managed to bring up by just a few poking words.
“Says the right person.” You rolled your eyes, the flowing feeling the alcohol gave you before now gone. You felt like you were going to be sick. “I bet if it wasn't me you tried to hit on, you'd bring the poor woman to your hotel room tonight.”
“Careful, or you might sound jealous.”
“Oh, you wish, Alonso,” you laughed humorlessly. 
The bartender chose that moment to bring you the requested cocktail you already forgot about. You gave him the cash, though you had no intention of actually drinking it. As always, Alonso left a sour taste in your mouth.
“I see you're drinking the team problems away,” he pressed harder, knowing damn well it was a sensitive topic. You gritted your teeth, reminding yourself to be the better person.
Then you looked into his dark eyes, and your self-control was gone. For some reason, you couldn't stand the look he was giving you. It was full of something that was too similar to disappointment. You hated people being disappointed in you, even if you hated that very person.
Out of nowhere, the alcohol kicked in, and you remembered why you didn't drink in clubs too often — it made you emotional. So stupidly sensitive that you couldn't stop your eyes from tearing up. You shook your head, opened your mouth, wanting to tell him something. Anything that'd make him just as much hurt as you were.
Instead, you bit your trembling lip and abruptly stood up. You almost knocked over the bar stool, though at the moment, you didn't really care.
Was it cowardly to run away from him and his harsh words? Yes, you knew that. But you did it in the elevator, and so you could do it again.
In a rush, you got through other people enjoying their night out, oblivious to the lump forming in your throat.  You needed to get out, breathe in the fresh air and just forget about everything.
It was probably nearing midnight, and even though it was late July, you still shivered when you stepped outside the club. Just then you remembered you left your jacket back in the paddock. And you also realized the mechanic and his group of friends drove you here, and you had no idea where you were or how to get to your hotel room.
“Great. Just fucking perfect,” you mumbled to yourself, a few tears running down your cheeks. You wiped them away, willing yourself to calm down. Budapest couldn't be too different from other European cities, so you'd just walk to the nearest public transport station and then see what you could do from there. Yes, that was exactly what you're going to do, and it's going to be okay.
Having a plan calmed you down, at least a little. You walked in a direction you hoped would get you to the center and took your phone out. The battery was low, and you cursed yourself for not charging it during the day.
“Where are you going?” You winced and nearly dropped the phone when you heard the loud voice calling after you.
When you turned around, you already knew exactly who was standing before the club entrance.
“That's not any of your business,” you tried to sound tough, but it came out tired and weak. So instead, you lifted your head, trying to save the remaining bits of your dignity.
Alonso tilted his head, brown eyes studying you for a moment before he made a step towards you. “Don't tell me you don't have anyone to take you back to your hotel?” The undertone of his voice was strange, and if you didn't know better, you'd think it was worry seeping out.
“Oh, then I won't tell you,” you fired back, satisfied with your own answer as you turned around and left him standing there.
You made it around the block when a strong hand suddenly grasped your hand, and you screamed, prepared to fight whoever attacked you.
“¡Ay dios mío!” Alonso cursed and held his red cheek, where there was a clear hand print now.
You stared at each other in shock. You wanted to kill him for scaring you to death, but at the same time, you were relieved it was just him and not a creepy kidnapper.
“I'd say I'm sorry… but I'm not,” you managed to mumble. A weak attempt, you knew that. But it still seemed to wake him from his trance and make him scoff at you in annoyance.
However, he didn't let go of your hand.
“Let's go,” Alonso urged you back towards the direction you came from.
“I'm not going anywhere with you.”
“Y/N, if you think I would let a drunk girl wander around a city she doesn't know, alone, at night… then you clearly don't know me at all.”
It took a few seconds for his words to hit you, and all there was left for you to do was to look up at him with surprise written all over your face. That seemed to annoy him for some reason, but with alcohol still very much present in your system, you didn't have the capacity to think about it too much.
“Let's go,” he repeated, though this time you didn't protest when he started walking towards what turned out to be his car. You knew it very well, from the years you used to work together, for the same team. Silently, you wondered how the hell did he get it to Hungary, but you soon forgot about that.
Fernando unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for you. Your mom would probably tell you to be more cautious about getting into the car of a man you didn't like and were sure he didn't like you as well. But hey, it's still better than being lost in a foreign city, right?
So you sat down, and before you could reach for the seatbelt, he took it and strapped you himself, mumbling something about safety hazards with drunk people. You were so surprised by that unexpected action you didn't even have time to feel offended.
You closed your eyes, the comfortable seat making you sleepy. You heard him get in the car as well and join the night traffic. For a moment, silence reigned and for the first time in a long time, it didn't feel horrible and tense.
“Isn't it illegal to drive with alcohol?” you whispered, eyes still closed.
“I didn't drink anything in the club. Too busy with you.”
Just then, you realized you actually asked the question out loud.
“Sorry for ruining your celebration night. Probably didn't want to leave it with me,” you laughed quietly. When he approached you in the club, he thought you were a random pretty woman with whom he could share a drink and take her to his bed for a fun night.
“Whatever.” You could hear him shrug his shoulders. “Sorry for ruining your night. Though you don't have much to celebrate.”
That made you open your eyes and gaze at him. He was looking straight ahead, concentrating on the road ahead. The lights of the other cars occasionally landed on his face, and you wondered if he was always so handsome, or it were the cocktails speaking for you.
“Wow, even in an apology there's a hidden insult,” you snickered, though there was a small grin on your lips now. Yes, definitely the alcohol speaking for you, you told yourself.
This time, Fernando actually looked at you before he averted his sight back to the traffic. “I wasn't insulting you, Y/N. I was insulting the team.”
You raised your eyebrows, but didn't comment on it. It was pointless to argue over this, he had his opinion about Alpine and given the fact both your cars didn't finish two races in a row, you didn't have exactly the best arguments to convince him otherwise. After all, he was part of the team last year. And the year before.
For the rest of your ride, there wasn't much more said between the both of you. You were tired — not just because of the night out and drinking, but from the whole week, from the whole season.
Finally, he parked the car before a building you recognized. You didn't ask him how he knew which hotel your team booked, perhaps he remembered it was the same one as the year before. Honestly, you were just glad he helped you get out of the car and walked you inside.
Then, you found yourself in an elevator alone with Fernando, again. Though unlike a month ago, he gently held your hand for support this time.
You told him your room number and somehow, he got you all the way in front of the door. You thanked all the saints in the world when you dug the keys out of your purse. After three unsuccessful tries at unlocking the room, Fernando's patience apparently ran out. He took the keys out of your hand and silently opened the lock.
“Thanks,” you muttered, and let him lead you inside your own hotel room.
When the light switch turned on and illuminated all the papers lying around, he looked at you, flabbergasted.
“What's all this?”
You shrug your shoulders and look at him like he was stupid. Which he was, at least in your humble opinion. “Work. What else?”
“Yes, yes. But why is it… here?” He motions towards the desk, nightstands, and bed.
“Because I don't have time to do it all in the office.”
“You work overtime?”
Now you were starting to get irritated.
“Yes, I work overtime. Maybe if you weren't so insistent in thinking I'm a dumb party girl ever since I made one stupid mistake in your car's analysis a year ago, you'd see I'm actually trying my best.” You hated how hurt you sounded, pathetic in your own ears.
But honestly, who was he to judge you? You never actually stood up to him before, defended yourself against his mean words. You always sucked it up, let him complain about you to your boss, who almost fired you because of the driver's obvious distaste for you. And when he left the team at the end of last year, you never tried to contact him, talk to him. Fix your non-existent relationship.
Today, though, you had enough. Maybe it was the alcohol giving you courage, maybe it was his shocked face when he realized you actually did your job.
“Y/N, I-”
“Get out,” you said in a tone that didn't allow for any objections. Fernando seemed to understand, but the pained expression didn't leave his face when he slowly walked to the door. Like he didn't really want to leave, like he desperately wanted to tell you something.
You didn't care about him. He never cared about you before as well, did he?
And so, with one last, regretful look in his dark eyes, Fernando Alonso left your hotel room. When tears ran down your cheeks, you weren't sure why you were even crying.
-----
You were avoiding him after that. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but you managed and after surviving the Belgian Grand Prix in Spa, you were excited about the summer break as never before. Almost a whole month without races, which meant you wouldn't have to meet anyone from the other teams, including Fernando.
Usually, the team worked tirelessly through the summer break — it was a great chance to have a proper look into the car's engine and come up with new ideas and improvements. God knew you needed that. Typically, you were amongst those loyal employees, basically living in the Alpine headquarters.
However, this year you really wanted a break. So you used your vacation days and stayed in your flat, finally sleeping like a normal person for once, eating home-cooked meals instead of team catering and enjoying the summer, though the weather could be better in England.
It was the start of August when you started finding flower deliveries on the threshold of your door. First, you thought it's a mistake, though what woman would refuse a beautiful bouquet of her favorite flowers. When it happened a whole week in a row, you thought about having a secret admirer or, in the worse case scenario, a stalker. Though, you still took the flowers inside every morning, cherishing them.
And then, one day, there was an envelope attached to the bouquet, and you had to curse yourself for being so, so stupid. Of course it's him, Fernando. Begging you to talk to him, to let him explain. One dinner, he said. One dinner, and then he'll let you go on about your life.
When he tried to write a poem in the middle of August, you finally gave in. You found his old phone number saved amongst many other contacts and sent him a simple “okay”.
The next morning, there was a time and address of the restaurant in the envelope.
You didn't let yourself get too excited about any of it. It's Fernando Alonso, the man who almost caused you to get fired from your dream job, the one that was so mean to you after making wrong assumptions about you and your way of life. Yes, he was trying now, but was that enough?
When the taxi dropped you off in front of the fancy restaurant, you took a deep breath. You had a simple dress on, light makeup, and a few accessories.
You walked into the empty restaurant. The waitress smiled at you when you told her the name of the reservation and led you to the only set table. You could see the deep brown eyes looking directly at you from afar.
Suddenly, nervousness settled in your stomach. If you didn't know better, you'd think this was a date — it certainly felt like one.
Without a word, he helped you sit down on a chair across from him and the waitress handed you the menu. It was without prices, but you were certain this place was lavish and expensive. Perhaps Fernando didn't want you to worry about it and let you order anything you wanted. And you tried not to be too impressed by that.
“You look very beautiful, hermosa,” he spoke after a minute of tense silence while you pretended to be interested in the menu. You didn't miss the fact he used the same nickname like that night in the club, when he thought you were someone else.
“Compliments won't make it easier for you.” Maybe you lied, because you liked him calling you beautiful.
“I know, but I couldn't help myself.”
The waitress came back with a bottle of wine that Fernando must've ordered before you arrived. You took a sip and it tasted like heaven. It almost made you forget about everything, almost.
“Please, can we talk?” You never heard his voice sound so… unsure.
“Aren't we talking right now?”
“Y/N.” The way he said your name was so soft, so delicate.
“Fernando.” You saw him flinch, and you realized it was probably the first time you called him by his first name. Suddenly, the whole situation felt more intimate.
He gulped, but there was determination written all over his face. Fernando Alonso wasn't the type of man to give up, you knew that. His amazing racing career was proof of that.
“Listen to me, please. I know that you have the right to never speak to me again after how I treated you. But I want to fix it, Y/N.”
Those brown eyes were going to be the death of you, burying themselves into your soul, your heart.
“I want to fix all of it, Y/N,” he repeated with all seriousness. “If you let me,” Fernando added.
And how could you say no to him? Deep down, you always admired him. Liked him, even. Before that fuck up with his car's analysis, you thought he might like you back. You always wanted his approval, and that was one of the reasons why his words and insults hurt so much.
Sometimes, people deserved second chances. Especially when they were looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky.
Slowly, you nodded. “I think I might let you, Fernando.” You smiled, liking how his name felt on your tongue. “But it's not going to be easy, I'm telling you that,” you warned him with a raised finger.
“I wouldn't dream of anything less,” he replied with a thick Spanish accent that was stronger when he felt emotions. Fernando returned your smile and clinked his glass with yours.
-----
Brazil was a good race. Both Alpine cars ended up in points and Fernando, your Fernando, got another podium. You clapped along with others during the podium ceremony, eyes just for him. A proud feeling settled in you, and as he accepted his trophy for well deserved third place, he looked down at the gathered crowd. Mostly people from Aston Martin, McLaren, and Red Bull.
And then there was you — in your Alpine t-shirt, clapping for the driver who scandalously left your team last year, without a care in the world. That was when he knew he loved you, and that he'll always will.
You knew you loved him too when, after all the celebrating around the circuit died down or moved to clubs and private parties, instead of going to his hotel room, he knocked on the door of yours. Checking on you.
“Hermosa, I hope you're not working.” He rolled his eyes as he stepped in, seeing you indeed staring into your notebook at some data he probably shouldn't see as a part of a rival team.
“But Nando, I need to finish these-”
He cut you off the best way he could — hugging you from behind, gently turning your head towards him and placing his lips on yours. You instantly melted into the kiss, giving up the fight before it could even start.
“I think you need to properly celebrate your boyfriend winning,” he smirked, biting your lip teasingly. You felt like a teenage girl when the butterflies took off in your stomach.
Fernando slowly walked you to the bed, never parting your lips, as if his life depended on kissing you. You sat on his lap, your hips grinding against his as you moaned into his mouth.
And he couldn't help himself. He wanted to take you out on a magical date and tell you there, but how could he keep it a secret when you were sitting on him, so beautiful that his heart clenched. Smart and pretty girl. His smart and pretty girl.
“Te amo,” he whispered into your sweet lips, and your breath caught.
You pulled back a little, looking at him, silently asking if you heard him correctly.
“Te amo, Y/N,” he repeated. You knew enough Spanish for your eyes to tear up. “I love you very much.”
There was a heartbeat of silence, probably the longest one in your whole life.
“I love you too. So much,” you whispered back. And then, for him: “Te amo, Fernando.”
Now it was his turn to tear up, hold your face in his hands and press your foreheads together.
Perhaps the fate and its plans for you weren't so horrible after all.
THE END
Author's Note: Wow, if you read it all to the end, thank you very much! I'll be glad for likes, comments, reblogs, follows and every other way of support. Let me know how you liked this story and if you'd maybe like another oneshot from this "universe" because I have to admit, this version of Fernando and Y/N kind of grew on me... Have a great day and see you at the next post! :)
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cowgurrrl · 4 days
Text
I Don't Smoke
Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader
Author's note: this hatched as an idea for @tightjeansjavi 's june writing challenge but it doesn't end as I thought it would necessarily but I kinda lurv it so (ps thank you @egcdeath for your help 🫶)
Summary: "Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small quiet room." aka Javi makes a reappearance in your life [8.6k (she’s a whopper)]
Warnings: canonical type shit
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It's a random Friday in April 1998 when you're walking down the hallway of FBI headquarters and hear a familiar voice call your name. Not just any voice but a voice you came to know as well as you would know your own. A voice you loved. A voice you haven't heard in four years. You freeze in your tracks and take two breaths before you actually turn around to see him.
He smiles big as he approaches you, and you struggle to find the same response. His hair is shorter and styled nicely, and he's wearing a bureaucratic suit, which you know he hates or used to hate. He's broader than you remember and seemingly more confident. You're still tense, but once he's close enough, muscle memory takes over, and you hug him.
His cologne is different. For some reason, that tugs at your heart.
"Hey, honey," he says into your hair, squeezing you a little harder. You hold him for another second before remembering you're at work and let him go. "Wasn't expectin' such a warm welcome."
"Well, that's what happens when you see an old friend for the first time in a long time." You say and Javi smirks, scratching at the stubble on his jaw.
"'Old friend.' Is that what they're calling it these days?"
"It is when I'm at work and have a reputation to uphold."
"Right," he says and puts his hands up in defense. "Didn't mean to insult Ms. FBI."
"What are you doing here? Last I heard, you resigned." You redirect, making him laugh even though you just gave away that you kept up with him even after you broke up.
"Stoddard asked me to teach a few classes to incoming DEA agents. Figured it was a good enough reason to get out of Texas," he says. You step to the side to let somebody go by in the hallway, and that ever-wandering eye falls down your body. "You look great."
"You too," you adjust some files against your chest, suddenly all too aware of how heavy his gaze is, and glance around. "How long are you in town for?"
"A week. We should get drinks or something. Catch up." He says, and you laugh at the absurdity of it all. You're talking like you went to college together, and you're gonna reminisce about the good ole days over a few drinks. You take a deep breath and nod.
"Sure, Javi. When are you free?"
"For you? Any time," he says so easily your heart squeezes. "But, I'm around tonight. I can meet you at the bar across from the Hill after work?"
"That works for me."
"Alright, then. I'll see you tonight." He smiles and looks you over again before swaggering down the hallway and into one of the classrooms like he used to walk to your desk or into your apartment. Nostalgia and something bigger bubbles in your throat, and you swallow it down.
You've often wondered about what it'd be like if you ever saw Javi again.
You never expected it would sting as much as it does.
You force yourself down the hallway into your office and let out a big sigh as you bury your head in your hands. Your engagement is cold against your skin.
You should be planning a wedding. You should be debating which version of white the napkins should be— eggshell or cream— or fighting with vendors on the phone. You should be doing a lot of things in the two months leading up to your wedding. Getting drinks with your ex is not one of them.
You worked at the United States Embassy in Bogotá during the hunt for Pablo Escobar in the early nineties. You were a fresh graduate from the DEA academy and got shipped off the day after you passed all your exams. They needed bodies in chairs and on the ground doing work to end the drug war, and you just happened to have a pulse and the qualification. Javier Peña happened to have those same things. Now, he's known as one of the men who took down the most dangerous crime syndicates in Latin America, but, at the time, he was just Javi.
He was a little older, a little more experienced, and, by all accounts, a little bit of a slut. He had a wandering eye and a bad habit of sleeping with newly minted Embassy employees who didn't know better. You were warned about Javi and his brown eyes and swagger, but you couldn't avoid him. He was your coworker, for Christ's sake. So all you could do was remind yourself you were there for a job and try to ignore him when possible. What they don't tell you about being thousands of miles away from home and dealing with nightmare-inducing horrors every single day is that you start looking for comfort wherever you can find it.
You made bad decisions like smoking cigarette after cigarette, sneaking just a little bit of whiskey in your coffee, or letting Javi bend you over his desk and leave bruises on your skin as he buried himself inside you. One time, you told yourself. You'll do this one time to get it out of your system, and then you'll both move on. As long as it didn't interfere with work, you thought it was okay to fuck him once, but either convenience or care kept you reaching for each other for the rest of your time in Colombia.
You spent most nights at his apartment because it was a little nicer and it felt like it would be too real if he entered your space. For all his sarcasm and hard edges, he was sweet with you. He'd make you breakfast and drive you to work under the guise of carpooling. Over time, you started to learn all his little quirks and tells, and you looked for him first when the smoke cleared and the gunfire ceased. He started stealing files off your pile of paperwork so you'd have less work to do, cook your favorite meals, and was ready with open arms when things got to be too much.
The love was like everything else that happened between you: quiet yet all-consuming.
As the months stretched on and you only grew to love him more and more, you started to imagine a life with him. You were naive and had too much faith in the world, but you couldn't stop yourself. The daydreams of a house with a big backyard, a dog, and maybe a few kids to fill it kept you alive when it felt like not even the weapon attached to your hip could. You wanted it so bad. You told him how much you wanted it, and he agreed despite how fucking crazy it sounded out loud. Love allows you to be delusional to avoid the possibility of rejection.
And you loved him so much that you let yourself believe once Escobar was dead or in prison that, you could go home together and live a somewhat normal life. That he could give it all up. That you could make it work.
So you threw yourself into the hunt. You didn't sleep. You barely ate. You went from smoking a few cigarettes a day to a pack as you got closer and closer. Javi wasn't much better off, and you definitely enabled each other's behavior, but you believed so hard in this future that you thought it would be worth it in the end.
He got snappy, and you argued a lot. You both shut down so much that it's a miracle you could find your way back to normalcy. He didn't even tell you when he got sent to D.C. for questioning. He just disappeared. When you and Steve stood over Escobar's body on a rooftop in Medellín, you couldn't focus on anything but the blood splatter on the shoes Javi got you as an early Christmas gift. At the end of the day, your only thought was, "It's over. We can go home. We can start over. We can make something of this."
Escobar wasn't even cold when Javi accepted a new position in Cali.
Everything he'd seen and done, the things you counseled each other through, the faces that kept him up at night didn't matter as much as that job. He broke the news to you as you were packing up your apartment. "There's an opportunity out there for you, too," he said, looking at you with those big eyes. You almost folded, drowning in affection for him, until you remembered how many times he'd almost died or disappeared without a word or struggled so much he buried his memories between your legs or at the bottom of a bottle.
How could he want to return to that? How could he want you to return to that?
That's when you broke.
You don't remember exactly what was said during the argument, but you know it was bad. There was a lot of yelling and tears. You said things you didn't mean, and he returned the favor. It went on for what seemed like hours, back and forth back and forth, until you were exhausted and done negotiating. You gave him an ultimatum: come to D.C. with you and start your lives, or go to Cali. He chose Cali. You chose D.C., and that was it.
That had to be it.
You didn't talk much in those final days, but you did a lot of crying. The horrors he helped keep at bay threatened to suffocate you. You were a shell of a person, but you couldn't reach for him again, knowing he didn't love you enough to stay with you. You had the tiniest shred of self-respect.
So, the day you left, you gave his stuff back, and he drove you to the airport in complete silence, even walking you all the way to the terminal without saying a word. His final act of care even when you'd told him you hated him forty-eight hours earlier. You waited until the very last second to get on the plane, hoping he'd change his mind or you'd change yours. You were both too stubborn and too broken, so you wished him luck and left. You didn't even hug him because you were so scared you'd never leave his arms if you did.
Things happened fast once you were stateside again. Within a week, you found a nice apartment in D.C., transferred to the FBI, adopted a cat named Astro, and swore off dating. With all your experience in Colombia, you got your pick of jobs and workload. You avoided field work for a while and got stuck pushing papers around at your desk, but you got bored three months in and asked to go back out. Your first case back in the field had you dealing with a serial arsonist who may or may not have had ties to a terrorist group. You were examining the rubble of yet another building when one of the firefighters called your name.
Harry was tall and charming and trying to explain something about accelerants, but all you could do was watch his scarred hands as they pointed. You remember thinking he was going to be a problem. It took three more fires for you to catch your guy, and Harry would later say it took those fires to build up the courage to ask you out. "You were much scarier than any fire," he told you. He had soot on his cheeks, and the flashing lights made his eyes sparkle. There was something about that stupid New York accent that just made you melt.
You thought one date couldn't hurt. You thought it would help you adjust to your new life. When he showed up in a nice shirt with a bouquet of flowers to pick you up for your first date, you knew you were fucked.
You went on a second date. And a third. And a fourth. He was patient with you as you struggled to open up to him about your time in the DEA and never pressured you to tell him anything you weren't ready to. That Christmas, you went home to New York with him and met his parents and all three of his sisters. By the next spring, you, Harry, and Astro moved into an apartment halfway between each of your jobs.
You got into the habit of bringing him cookies when he worked overnights at the station and smelling his shirt when he got home because, more often than not, it'd still smell like smoke. He'd surprise you with coffee or flowers at work "just because" and drag you away from your desk when you've been staring at the same words for however long. When a bullet grazed you in the middle of a chase, he made one of his EMT friends drive him to the hospital you were at in the ambulance with the lights on so he could get there as fast as possible. He made it in seven minutes and started crying the moment he saw you lying in the hospital bed, even though you were completely fine.
For something as unexpected as this relationship, you guys work really well. He cooks dinner, and you wash the dishes at the end of the night. He looks at big houses in nice neighborhoods and humors you even though there's no way you can afford it with two civil servant paychecks. But, when you see him playing with your nieces and nephews, something so deep inside you aches that you think the life-long debt would be worth it if it meant he got to be a dad. You take time off to visit his family, and even though he thinks it's the most badass thing about you, he doesn't say anything about your involvement with Escobar until you accidentally let something slip during a barbecue. When work gets too much, you hold each other, cry, and make promises to stay alive.
He proposes to you on the fourth anniversary of your first date. You knew he would because you'd looked at rings together, but you blub like a baby anyway and almost tackle him to the ground in Rock Creek Park. You're deliriously happy as you celebrate your engagement and even as you start to plan the wedding. It's like you blinked, and suddenly, it'd been four years since you left Colombia, and you're living the life you dreamt about, just with a new person. A person you love so fucking much, you still get butterflies when he walks in the room. The ring on your finger and the way he casually drops "my wife" into conversation when he means "fiancée" only adds to the giddiness.
You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him. So, why the fuck did you agree to get drinks with Javi?
You pick your head up and dial the firehouse number before your brain can fully devolve into panic mode. They might be out dealing with a fire, but you figure it's worth a shot. On the second ring, Jack answers with his gruff "D.C. Fire Station 19."
"Hey, Jack."
"Oh, hey, darlin'! How're you doin'?" He asks, and you swear you can hear him smiling. Jack is one of Harry's best friends and groomsmen, and he absolutely adores you.
"I'm good. How're you?" You ask, already feeling the weight come off your shoulders just from talking to someone.
"You know, I can't complain. I mean, I could, but I won't," he says, and you laugh. "You callin' for your lover boy?"
"If he's not busy, yes."
"Nah, you're all good. Well, listen, it was nice talkin' to you, sweetheart. I'll get him now." He says before yelling Harry's name through the station so loud you wonder if the neighbors could hear him. There's some shuffling and a quick "'S your wife" as the phone changes hands. The identifier makes you laugh and it's the first thing Harry hears when he presses the phone to his ear.
"Oh, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that." He swoons, and you make a sympathetic noise.
"Rough day?"
"No, I just miss you."
"You're so cheesy," you say. "I miss you too. A lot."
"You okay? You sound off." He asks, and you chuckle. Of course, he caught the tiniest change in your voice.
"I'm okay. I bumped into somebody I worked with in Colombia today, so I just… feel weird," you say, rubbing your forehead. You hear him shuffle like he's trying to move to a more private place, but the cord on the phone isn't letting him get very far.
"Good weird or bad weird?"
"I don't know. Just weird. We're gonna get some drinks tonight and catch up."
"Maybe that'll help," he chirps. "I mean, as much as I like listening to your stories, it might make you feel better to talk to someone who was there. Maybe get some closure."
"Maybe." You say. It goes quiet on the line, but you know he's there because you can hear him breathing and hear the distant sounds of the firehouse. You don't feel pressured to say anything; just knowing he's there breaks up the tension in your chest. "Chief is gonna have your ass if he finds out you're running up the phone bill." You tease, and he laughs.
"I'll just tell him I'm talking to my wife, and if he doesn't want me on the phone, then he should stop making me work overnights."
"Which I'm sure he'll take well."
"You're his favorite. I'm almost positive he'd install a whole phone just for you," he says. It's true, but hearing it still makes you smile. It goes quiet again.
You watch people mill around the bullpen from your office window and chew the inside of your cheek. You should tell him it's Javi. He wouldn't discourage you from getting drinks with him, but he knows your history with him. He should be in the loop. He's going to be your husband, for God's sake. But you also don't need him worrying about this while in a burning building or doing CPR.
"You know I'm not technically your wife for another two months, right?" You change the subject, and he hums.
"Yeah, but it has a nice ring to it. My wife." Even the way he says it over the phone makes you giddy.
"I can't argue with that." You say. He takes a deep breath, and you copy him.
"You're gonna be okay. Go get drinks with your friend and try to have some fun. Maybe invite them to the wedding if you get drunk enough and decide it's a good idea," he suggests, and you laugh at the idea of Javi at your wedding. "I'll be home tomorrow afternoon, and we can talk about it or not talk about it if that's what you want, okay?"
"Okay." You resolve and twirl the phone cord in your fingers.
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Have a good day. Don't be a hero."
"Wouldn't dream of it." He says. You wait another second to have him nearby before hanging up and looking out over the bullpen again.
You could not show up. You could go home, cuddle with Astro, and put on Sex and the City or something else to take your mind off the day. You could go to bed early and take Harry breakfast in the morning. You know his hair will be messy and a little darker than normal, but he'll still smile and pull you into his lap even though the guys tease him all the time about your PDA.
But you're also too interested in what Javi could have to say to do that. You owe it to yourself to get closure or answers or whatever the fuck he has left to offer you.
And then you'll never think about him again.
Easy.
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It's a slow day filled with paperwork and pencil-pushing at the FBI. No bombs or killers or threats. Just meetings and emails and the dread about meeting with Javi all day. You linger around the office a little longer than you need to until you're almost late, and only then do you start walking to the Hill.
It's bustling with tourists dying for a peek at the cherry blossoms scattered around D.C. and the Suits you usually see trying to get home. The April sun feels good on your skin, especially after being inside all day, and you take a moment to watch the sun dip lower and lower in the sky.
All things considered, if Javi was going to visit D.C., this would be the time to do it. Spring is in full bloom, and the last dredges of winter only show up at night or early in the morning when it's still cold. People are constantly out walking their dogs or taking their kids to the playgrounds. It feels like the city has come alive again after such a long winter. You come up with a list of recommendations of things for Javi to do while he's here, even though he probably won't do any of them. The least you could do is give him something to distract himself from work.
By the time you get to the bar, the sun has nearly set, and traffic is a waking nightmare. You push your anxiety away and duck into the bar, searching for Javi's familiar eyes amongst the exhausted interns and law students. He's in the corner, scanning the space just like you thought he would, and there's a glass waiting for you at the table. His eyes light up when he sees you, and your chest aches.
He gets up to greet you with a hug and pulls your chair out for you like a gentleman. "Don't know if your order's changed, but I figured I'd make a guess." He says, gesturing to your drink as you settle across from each other. You smile and hang your jacket on the back of your chair.
"Thank you. Next round is on me," you say as you raise your glass to his and take a sip. "How was teaching?"
"It was fine. Although I wish they'd actually listen instead of just staring at me like I have a second head." He says, and you laugh.
"You're a living legend to them. Escobar and the Godfathers of Cali? You might be the most experienced person they've come across."
"I think I'm the person professors warn students not to be in the field."
"There are much worse things to be than a Javier Peña or a Steve Murphy," you say. "Besides, I think the DEA has bigger problems than a few rogue agents."
He shrugs and glances up when the bell above the door chimes, checking out whoever just walked in. He did the same thing when you sat in bars in Colombia like he was always waiting for a fight. You used to tease him about it, but the fact that he still does it makes you smile.
"Steve sends his love, by the way." He says.
"How is he? How old is Olivia now?"
"She's gonna be five soon, and they're about to have another baby. A boy," he beams. "They're all doing good. Steve runs training courses for FBI agents now and sometimes goes back to Colombia to liaise with their government. Connie works at a hospital, and Olivia's in Pre-K."
"Sounds like you guys talk a lot." You're pleasantly surprised. They were good partners, but they could barely stand to look at each other when things got tense. Not to mention Steve leaving the DEA at the same time you did.
"Well, when Olivia started calling me Uncle Javi, it was pretty hard to ignore him," he says, and you 'aw' at the idea of her little hands reaching for him. Uncle Javi suits him. "She's a good kid."
He fills you in on his work in Texas and asks about your transfer. You tell him what you can about your job and the annoying bureaucrats you hate working with. He seems lighter than you've seen before, not just because of the drink in his hand. His shoulders are relaxed, and even though he still has the instincts of someone working in the field, he doesn't get trapped in them like he used to. It's a nice change.
You're almost done with your first drink when he digs a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers you one. God, when was the last time you even bought a pack of cigarettes? It had to have been right after Harry came home from a particularly bad fire resulting from a stray cigarette. Three people died. After that, you couldn't pick up a cigarette without thinking about the seventeen-year-old who got stuck in the apartment. That must've been three years ago now.
"I quit," you say, and he raises his eyebrows at you.
"That's new." He says like your hair turned blue before his eyes, but pops one into his mouth anyway. You shrug.
"Sorry to disappoint."
"No, no, 'm not disappointed. Just surprised."
"Yeah, well," you sigh. "American cigarettes aren't as good as the Colombian ones."
"I guess that's true," he says as he flicks his lighter open and inhales until the end glows. Just as always, he politely blows smoke away from your face. "Alright, so you got a new job, a new apartment, a cat, and you quit smoking. What else has changed since I saw you last?" He asks, and your thumb immediately presses into the band of your engagement ring.
Well, it's now or never.
"I, uh... I'm getting married," you say, and his eyes fall to your ring. "In two months." He takes a big sip.
"Congratulations," he says. It might be the most unenthusiastic thing you've ever heard somebody say. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"His name is Harry. We've been together for a few years now."
"What's he do?" He asks in his interrogator's voice, and you give him a look.
"We don't have to do this." You say. Javi takes another drag of his cigarette and grinds his teeth.
"Do what?" He asks. "It shouldn't be hard to talk about if you love him."
"I do."
"Then, why don't you want to tell me about him?"
"Is that a serious question?" You scoff, and he shrugs. "Fine. What do you want to know?"
"I already asked you," he says. "What does he do for work?"
"He's a firefighter." You know it's a cliche: a cop and a firefighter, but you don't really care.
"How'd you meet?"
"First field case I had was an arsonist. He was one of the guys on site when I got there."
"Romantic," Javi muses, and you hum. You wait for him to continue bombarding you with questions, but the air gets thick, and suddenly, all you can do is take big gulps of your drink. You signal to the bartender for another, and Javi finishes his cigarette in silence. "Well, I'm happy for you," he says softly. He doesn't seem like he is, but you know better than to press him, so you just nod.
"Thank you," you say. The bartender drops two more drinks off at your table, and Javi raises his glass to you.
"Here's to you and Terry-"
"Harry," you correct, and he laughs, breaking up the tension that's settled. He took the news much better than you expected, but you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop. There always seems to be one waiting when Javi's around.
"To you and Harry and a lifetime of happiness." He says, tapping his glass against yours and taking a drink. "Now, tell me what you've been doing with the fuckin' FBI."
"Oh, you're gonna need to buy me a few more drinks before I start spilling government secrets, Peña." The name rolls off your tongue before you can stop it, and it brings you back to hot Colombian days and red yarn on a corkboard and his apartment. He raises his eyebrows like it's a challenge and smirks.
"Don't tempt me with a good time."
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It's late and you're drunk. Drunker than you've been in a while. You didn't mean to. You just kept talking and drinking, and it felt so good talking to him after so long. Once you got through with the elephant in the room, it was so easy to fall back into the groove with him. You talked about Colombia and your lives outside of work. You even tell him the story of accidentally letting it slip that you used to work for the DEA after smoking a little bit of weed with Harry's sister, Caitlin.
You laughed together until last call and then argued over who would pay the tab. "Consider it my weddin' gift," he half-slurred, and you rolled your eyes and let him pay.
Now, you're strolling the empty National Mall, working off your buzz and elongating the time you have with him. You didn't realize how much you missed him until tonight. Despite everything that happened, you did have good days with him. Days filled with music and chain smoking and laughter. You'd like to get those back. You'd like that version of him back.
As you walk, you point out monuments to him and messily retell the stories the tour guide told you when Harry thought a walking tour of D.C. was a good second-date idea. You switch presidents and periods too much to make sense, but Javi listens anyway. Every so often, his warm hand will brush against yours, barely touching your skin but enough for you to notice when he does it. Neither of you say anything about it or break the flow of your conversation. Maybe it's for old-time's sake. Maybe it's because you don't know what there is to say. The night is clear and eerily quiet. The only sound besides your laughter and drunken stories is the chilly wind blowing through the trees and the clacking of heels from an exhausted-looking White House intern as she walks by.
Or, at least, it was until you stumbled across a busker by the Lincoln Memorial. The empty space echoes with the sound of his saxophone, and you smile as you get closer. There are a few other people milling around, and a few take turns throwing coins in his case. You've seen him playing here before, but you've never had the time to actually stop and listen. He's good. You wish you'd stopped sooner.
"You wanna dance?" Javi whispers in your ear, his breath fanning across your neck, and you furrow your eyebrows.
"Here?" You ask, and he shrugs.
"Why not?"
"Because nobody else is."
"C'mon," he tuts. "Live a little." He doesn't wait for you to say anything else. He just grabs your hand and pulls you a little closer to the musician. You sigh but let Javi hold one of your hands and rest the other on his shoulder. He smirks and you roll your eyes to hide the fact that you're shocked he wants to dance. With you. In public.
Sure, you had little moments where you danced in the kitchen, but never in public. Even then, it wouldn't have ever been his idea to dance. He's like a whole new person. You don't know how to feel about it.
What the fuck happened to him in Cali?
He spins you under his arm, and you do your best to follow his lead. You have two left feet as it is, something Harry has helped get out of your system, but the alcohol makes it even worse. You almost trip yourself but land against Javi's chest before you can hit the ground. He makes an oomph sound but doesn't do anything to push you away. You don't do anything to pull away.
The saxophonist continues playing, and the cicadas chirp nearby. If you listen hard enough, you can hear Javi's heartbeat. You think you'd know the sound anywhere. You memorized the rise and fall of his chest when you woke up from nightmares, and he was the one to calm you down. You used to count the contractions of the muscles in his heart until you fell back to sleep. It was often the first thing you heard when you woke up if bombs weren't going off somewhere in the city or your phone wasn't blaring with an emergency message from the Embassy.
And now, here it is again, unexpectedly thumping against you after four years, following the rhythm of the music surrounding you. Javi's warm as he tentatively rests his head against yours, and you feel his fingers flex around your hip. A mixture of his cologne and cigarettes invades your senses, and you can do nothing but ride the nostalgia wave until the song ends.
You pry yourself from Javi to turn and applaud the saxophonist, and he gives a gracious bow. Javi looks a little disappointed that the song is over but drops a ten-dollar bill in the saxophone case anyway.
"Didn't take you for a dancer." You say as you walk away from the Lincoln Memorial, and he shrugs.
"'M full of secrets now."
"I guess so," you say. You start walking toward your apartment, suddenly too cold and tired now that you're a little more sober. Javi follows, putting himself between you and the street and grazing your lower back whenever you cross the road. He's always been protective of you, even before you started dating. It makes sense he would still be, right? You're trying to make sense of the muddled mess in your head when Javi pulls his cigarettes out of his jacket, and you eye them. You must not be as discrete as you thought you were because he laughs at you.
"For someone who quit smoking, you look like you want a cigarette." He says, offering the pack to you, and you sigh. You take one from the middle and put it between your lips. Javi is quick with his lighter, and you lean into him just a little as you inhale. He watches your every movement like he's watching a miracle unfold before him.
You hate to admit how good the smoke feels in your lungs. After three years of not even looking at a cigarette, all it took was an offer and a quick puff, and you're back to the beginning. You'll start again tomorrow.
"Don't tell Harry." You say as you blow smoke away from him, and Javi laughs.
"What? He doesn't like you smoking?" He asks, looking for a reason not to like Harry, and you chuckle.
"It's not that. I've just heard one too many horror stories about a stray cigarette starting a fire." You say, and he hums.
"Is that why you quit?"
"Kinda. I also…" you start but then shake your head. "Never mind."
"What? Now you have to say it."
"You're not gonna like it."
"Try me." He says, and you inhale deeply, blowing smoke out of your nose. You think about telling him to leave it alone, but the alcohol and the pain in your chest tells you to say fuck it.
"I quit because it reminded me of you." You admit. He gets quiet. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and looks up at the stars as you silently spiral. You feel like you need two more cigarettes and a shot of tequila.
Javi has always had a special talent for making all your worst habits bubble to the surface.
"You're right, I don't like that." He says softly, and you nod. You walk a few blocks in silence. The only sounds are your shoes clicking against the pavement and the tiny crackling of your cigarette as you smoke. A siren blares somewhere in the city, and your stomach drops. It always does, but especially now.
Your fiancé is out there, putting his life on the line to save others because that's how good of a man he is, and you're getting drunk and slow-dancing with the man who broke your heart? You didn't even tell him it was Javi. What if something happens to him tonight, and you're out? What if you miss the phone call? Guilt gnaws at your throat like an angry dog, and you feel like throwing up. You swallow hard and stomp out your cigarette before it can get to the filter.
"I'm glad we did this," you say, trying to get things back on track. Javi gives you a weak smile. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"You know, Harry said there's a place for you at the wedding if you want it. I know you'll be back in Texas, but it could be fun. We'd love to have you," you say, and he shakes his head.
"I don't think that's a good idea." He says. You knew he'd say no, but it still stings.
"Just thought I'd ask." You say, and he nods. You're about two blocks away from your apartment, and you start fishing for your keys out of your purse when Javi stops. You keep walking, thinking he's going to finish his cigarette and pull out another one.
"Don't marry him." He says, just loud enough for you to hear, and ice floods your veins. Whatever alcohol left in your system seems to vanish, and you freeze.
"What?" You ask as you slowly turn around. Javi chews on his bottom lip and stares at you.
"Don't marry him," he says again. Something behind his eyes is familiar, and suddenly, you're the girl he couldn't leave Colombia for again. Tears prick in your eyes, and you shake your head. "You'll get bored in a few years, and you'll be stuck if you marry him."
"I love him."
"I love you."
"Stop," you mumble. He takes a step forward and cradles your face in his hands, tilting you up to look at him, and your jaw tightens. You wonder if he can feel it. "You don't love me."
"I do. I always have. I fucked up, and I'm so sorry for hurting you, but I'm here now. We can start over. I'll move to D.C.. I'll do whatever." He says in one breath like he's afraid he'll lose the courage to say the words out loud.
"It's too late." You say, and he shakes his head.
"No, it's not. We can go tonight. Anywhere you want. I-"
"You let me leave," you cut him off, years of frustration and heartbreak coming back up to the surface as you take his hands off your face. "I was drowning and you let me get on the fucking plane."
"I thought that's what you wanted."
"I wanted you to reject the position in Cali and come with me because I really thought you could at least try to love me more than your job."
"I couldn't just give the Cali position up." He says and you scoff and take a few steps away from him.
"But you could give me up," you say, throwing your arms up in defeat. "That's not love, Javi. That's having someone around to play with and throwing them out when you get bored."
"It wasn't like that."
"Enlighten me, then."
"Do you remember when Carillo died?" He asks and you take a deep breath before nodding.
Most of your memories of Colombia are muddled, but not that day. You were pissed Messina wouldn't let you go, but you were fine to let the Colombian police make the raid. Javi and Steve were anxious. You remember watching them stand next to the radio like guards and trying to guess what was going on in their heads. Javi's gaze lingered on you a few too many times to be an accident, and he smiled fondly at you. You joked about them paying for the drinks you'd have later to celebrate. Things felt stable enough for you to sit down next to Messina. You were halfway through a cigarette when the gunfire chattered over the radios.
It wasn't an ambush.
It was a fucking massacre.
They never stood a chance. The scene was horrendous. Hearing Messina call Mrs. Carillo to tell her what happened was worse. Steve, somehow, was able to go with Carillo, so he wasn't alone in transport back to Bogotá. You and Javi were the cowards who went back and drank until you stopped seeing the pile of bodies you felt responsible for.
Javi put his fist through the wall of his apartment when he got home that night. You wanted to cry but knew that if you started, you'd never stop and who were you to be crying? People had just lost their sons, husbands, brothers, and fathers on your orders. You didn't deserve to cry. It was the beginning of the end for you and Javi, but you clung to your idea of the future so hard, it had claw marks on it when you finally let it go and got on the plane.
So, yeah, you remember. You remember it all.
"I couldn't let that happen to you or anyone else ever again. It would kill me," he says. You're about to tell him it's not his fault, and it never was. It was shitty intel. It was a trap. It was a lot of things, but it wasn't his fault. That might be the only thing you can say for sure about that tragedy. "So, I put everything that wasn't work out of my mind and made bad decisions, and that's on me, but I never stopped loving you or believing in our future."
"Then, why didn't you fight for us?"
"I didn't know how. You were so…" He searches for the right word. "Sure. You knew you didn't want to go to Cali, and I couldn't make you stay."
"I would've if you said the word," you say. "Even though I was miserable in Colombia, I would've come back if you asked me to because that's how much I loved you. Even if you'd just called me after I got here, we probably could've worked something out, but I'm marrying the love of my life in less than sixty days. And I've never had to beg him to stay with me or give him an ultimatum and question if he loves me because he wakes up every day and shows me how much he wants to be with me. I can't walk away from that."
"Does he know what you did down there?"
"Of course, he does." You say, annoyance buzzing in your molars, and you cross your arms over your chest.
"Does he know everything?"
"You mean, does he know I've killed people?" You ask. "Yeah, it was super fun trying to explain that to him. You want to hear about how I hyperventilated through the whole thing, or do you want to ask me another question to try to undermine my relationship?" He purses his lips and shakes his head.
"No," he says. "I just don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."
"Fuck you, Javier." You spit. You don't know the last time you used his full name like that. Something about it feels wrong and makes your skin crawl. "You left one girl at the altar over a decade ago, and you think you know about marriage?"
"That's not fair."
"No, what's not fair is you coming here and making me feel like the bad guy for moving on. I deserve to be happy. I've worked, and I've cried, and I've fucking killed for it, and the second I feel like things are going my way, you do this!" You yell.
"I love you." He says again, like it'll change anything. The pressure behind your eyes returns, and you turn away from him, but he catches your wrist before you can. "Listen to me. I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeats over and over again, but all you hear is, "I love you, but I can't come with you." "I love you, but I need this." "I love you. Isn't that enough?"
You rip out of his grasp and punch at his chest with tears slipping down your face. He takes it, still saying that he loves you, and for some reason that hurts more. You push him hard and watch him stumble back, his brown eyes tracking the tears down your face.
"If you really love me-"
"I do." He cuts you off and you take a stuttering breath.
"Then, let me be happy," you beg. "Let me go. Please. If you love me, you'll do that for me."
You feel pathetic, standing there crying like he shattered your heart all over again as he just stares at you and thinks. You want to go home. You want this to end. You want to never see him again.
Maybe in twenty years, you could stand to face him again. You'll be happily married, and you hope he'll be, too. You'll have a few kids, and you'll tell stories about them and Harry will pull pictures of them out of his wallet. You won't hurt anymore. Maybe when your daughter goes through her first heartbreak, you'll find the courage to tell her about Javi. Maybe all this grief will be worth something someday. You want it to.
But right now, you're just the girl he didn't love enough to leave Colombia for, and he's not the man you love enough to marry.
He clears his throat, his own tears glistening in his waterline, and nods.
"Okay," he mumbles. "I'll tell Stoddard I had a family emergency or something back home. Get the first flight back." Your eyes flutter shut at his words, and you try to keep yourself from crying more.
"Thank you." You say.
"I love you." He says again, and you open your eyes. He's grinding his teeth again, and his hands are in his pockets as if he's forcing himself not to reach for you. You give him a small smile and nod.
"I know," you say. "I'm sorry."
Just as you did at the airport all those years ago, you stand awkwardly far apart, unsure of what to do now. He waits for you to change your mind. You won't. He'll get on the plane, and that'll be it.
He nods to himself one more time before turning to walk away.
"You do deserve to be happy. I've never doubted that. I wish I could've given that to you." He says like he's trying to convince you he's a good person. You sniffle and spin your ring around your finger.
"You did for a while. It's just Harry's turn to do that now," you say. "Goodbye, Javi." He opens his mouth like he's going to say goodbye or something else, but you turn your back to him and start walking toward your apartment before he can.
You figure, after everything, it's only fair that you get the last word.
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You didn't sleep. You knew you wouldn't. Astro seems to sense your anxiety and cuddles into your chest, purring loudly to try and drown out your thoughts. You reassure her you're okay and kiss her head as the inky blue sky is replaced by a stunning pink and purple morning.
A good omen, you hope.
You force yourself to get up and get ready for the day. It's Saturday and a fire station breakfast day. It's never anything fancy: donuts picked up from a nearby cafe, greasy fast food breakfast, sometimes cold pizza. Today, you walk to a nearby bodega and pick up his favorite breakfast sandwich with two steaming cups of coffee before walking to the fire station.
It's cold, and D.C. hasn't quite woken up yet. It'll be a few hours before life returns as people sleep off hangovers or long weeks. That's okay. This morning is just for you.
The garage door is wide open when you get to the station, and Harry is perched on the back bumper with the firehouse dog, Maisie, whispering things to her. He looks tired. You don't think you look any better, but he still lights up when he sees you, and Maisie even starts wagging her tail.
"Hey there, stranger," you greet him as he pulls you closer and smirks up at you. "You have a good night?"
"No, but it doesn't matter now that you're here." He says. You would normally roll your eyes at his cheesiness but your chest fills with warmth instead. You lean down and kiss him. He smells like smoke but tastes like the chapstick you make him wear because of the heat. Maisie sniffs at the bag in your hand, and you laugh against his lips when she licks your arm.
"I think she's jealous." You say, and he sucks his teeth as he looks at Maisie.
"You have breakfast, you little terrorist." He reminds her but he immediately folds when she gives him that innocent look. "She can have one piece of bacon, but that's it. We need you trim to get up in the trucks, right?"
You pull a piece of bacon off one of the breakfast sandwiches and make her sit and shake before you give it to her. She crunches on it happily, knowing she's absolutely spoiled rotten. She makes space for you to sit next to Harry on the truck and you rest your head on his shoulder. "You okay?" He asks as he kisses your hairline, and you nod.
"Just missed you," you say. "I couldn't sleep last night." He makes a sympathetic noise and wraps an arm around your shoulder to tuck you further into his side.
"Were you thinking about Colombia?" He asks and you hum. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Not right now."
"Okay. You wanna hear about why our kids will never be allowed to buy candles ever? No matter how old they get or how much smarter they think they are than us?" He changes the subject easily, and you laugh despite the pain still radiating in your body. You know he'll be there when you're ready to tell him about last night, no matter how long it takes you, and you will tell him. Eventually.  
"Hit me with it." You say as you unpack your breakfast sandwiches and pass him his coffee. Maisie wags her tail as you alternate between sneaking her treats and listening to Harry's story. He knows you're giving her extra snacks but won't ever stop you.
You sit there on the back of that dirty firetruck, talking and watching the sunrise together and debating on which version of white the napkins at your wedding should be— eggshell or cream— and know you'd do everything all over again if it meant this was the outcome. You love him with everything that you are and ever could be.
And as you eat your breakfast and soak up each other's presence, you find yourself hoping Javi could love someone like this someday. You believe he has it in him. You've seen it. Whoever ends up being the one to tie Javier Peña down will be lucky and loved.
It just wasn't meant to be you.
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canonfeminine · 24 days
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  BREAKING THE WEDDING NORMS
💍 ₊˚⊹♫ … Husband! Leo Valdez x Wife! reader
in which: Leo has always found a way to break the norms. And finally, at the right time.
authors note: this is based of this!! I said I would do it, so I am. Credits to my sister @sunnitheapollokid because it was her idea. I don't have much to say, so I hope you enjoy this <33.
warnings:
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You were nervous.
Today was the day you were getting married to your fiancé ,lover and literally soulmate, Leo Valdez. You'd been planning the day since you two first started dating, the dress you wanted, the cake, the venue—everything you could think of was ready. Everything was going well, perfect, almost. There's nothing that could go wrong.
Expect for you randomly got cold feet and freaked out. You didn't know why you were so anxious, you'd been waiting for this day from the start, and yet you couldn't leave the room you were in. The ceremony was in a few minutes.
"Calm down, calm down, just calm down-" You paced around the room, your heels clicking onto the ground. You could barely walk in them, so you didn't know how all the sudden your legs could.
"You can totally do this. It's not going to be the end of the world. You've been planning for this. Just chill out, (name)!" Clearly, telling yourself to calm down wasn't helping.
You wished that your bridesmaids hadn't left out. You knew they had to, something about the order of when people were supposed to come out before the bride—but you couldn't call them back in. It was too late to do so. The time you had was starting to slowly and slowly get more and more small.
You finally sat down in a nearby chair,already ready to give up. What were you going to do?-
"Mi vida?" Leo's voice came from outside of the door. "you doing okay in there?"
"Huh? Uhm! yeah, sorta?" You question if you should open the door. "did the ceremony already start?"
"No,no. You still have like.. five, maybe six minutes?" Even he sounded unsure. "Can you open the door?"
"For what?" You let out a slight laugh.
"... Do you really need an answer to that question?" You rolled your eyes.
"Your not supposed to see me, though. It ruins the surprise and all that."
"Y'know, I could just take the screws out of the door. Then you wouldn't have to-" "Okay! nope, please don't do that." You got up and opened the door just enough that Leo could see you.
Seeing him made that nervous feeling go away. He looked a little silly with a suit on (and a rose behind his ear,) but even you could admit he looked fly. A goofy, Leo type of fly.
He looked you up and down multiple times. "You were going to make me wait to see all that? Mi amor, I think the fact you even thought-" he paused, looking up at your face. "Are you sure you're okay? you look like you're about to cry." The smirk on his face fell into a concerned look.
You blinked and slightly wiped your eyes. "Yeah, i'm fine. Just,uhm, a little nervous." You let out an uncomfortable laugh.
Leo slipped his hand into yours. "About what? you know you can tell me."
"I-I mean, t's nothing specifically. I'm just.. I don't know, Leo."
"Okay, well that's okay. You don't need to exactly tell me, then." He let out a laugh under his breath. "You're going to do great. We're going to do great. Nothing had blown up yet, and we finally got here. My love, I promise you have nothing to worry about. It's our day, and if something goes wrong, we can deal with it together."
You smiled. "You promise?"
He let go of your hand and held out his little finger. "Pinkie promise." Leo held that everlasting Mischievous, but adorable smirk on his face. You interlocked your pinkie with his.
"You think your ready?"
You nodded. "Yeah, I think so." You leaned down and gave him a kiss.
"Also, why are you wearing heels? I feel short."
"Which, you are?" You laughed.
"Girl, not too much. " He rolled his eyes sassly than laughed. "Alright. Now I gotta go. I have a very pretty girl to marry."
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fatuismooches · 1 year
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a lesson in cooking.
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“There you are, my love!” You exclaimed as you saw Kabukimono coming into sight, holding a few packed bags. You had sent him to pick up some ingredients from your fellow villagers and the small market, as you had begun to run low on some things. You had initially planned to go too, but Kabukimono insisted on you resting while he did all the work. He was rather persistent, and you knew that he had this odd trait of needing to prove himself to you, so you couldn’t bring yourself to decline his request.
You rushed out of the house to his side, hoping to take some of the bags to alleviate him of the weight. But the puppet did not budge, only pouting. “Don’t worry about me, [Name]. I can handle this by myself,” he stated, trying to seem as serious as possible, but his pouting, chubby squeezable cheeks didn’t help his case. You had to settle for supporting his back as he climbed up the stairs to your house and rested the bags on the kitchen table, trying not to chuckle as he not so secretly let out a sigh of relief.
You had decided to teach Kabukimono one of the simplest yet most nutritious and delicious meals - soup. He had been eager lately to learn how to cook lately. Not only to learn more about humans and their activities, but it seems like he wants to help out in the village more. How cute.
After you did all the basic preparations like washing your hands and making space in the kitchen, you spoke. “Alright, the first thing we need to do is wash and cut up the produce we’re going to use,” you instructed, pulling up your sleeves. Kabukimono copied you keenly.
“Let’s do the carrots first.” After you washed and placed the carrots on the cutting board, you pondered on how you were going to do this. You never really taught something like this before… but it shouldn’t be too hard, right? Plus, your lover was an avid learner. Though diced or shaped carrots would be too hard for Kabukimono right now, so you should just go with coined ones.
“Okay, the first thing we have to do is peel the carrot. It can be a little tricky, so just watch me first,” you instructed, showing him how to peel the skin of the vegetable with the knife. The puppet watched intently with immense focus and furrowed eyebrows, and you couldn’t help but smile. “Here, now you try,” you said, handing him the knife. Kabukimono had a determined look on his face as he clumsily tried to peel the carrots, but not much progress was being made, and immediately a pout appeared on his face.
“It’s not working,” he whined, a bit discouraged already from how easily you did it, and yet he was struggling at the first step.
“You’re not going to get it on your first try. It takes practice, just like anything else,” you cooed, reassuring him. “Just keep trying, we have all day. Here, I’ll help you.” At your words, the puppet perked up again and began to repeat the process, this time with your hand gently placed on top of his, helping him use the knife to peel. Kabukimono’s reddened face had gone down by the time all the carrots were peeled. 
“Good job, baby. Now, you have to cut the top and bottom part of it, like this. And then cut the whole thing in half. See?” You demonstrated yet again and the puppet followed your actions, a bit awkwardly, but still better than the peeling.
“Now, it’s time for the actual cutting. See, just place the knife above like this, press down, and keep moving along…” you cut the carrots at a slow pace to ensure he’d do the same thing. He soon copied your movements, though it wasn’t perfect - some slices were too thin or thick, but that was alright, you assured. He was trying his best and that was what mattered.
Though you probably shouldn’t have taken your eyes off him, not even a second.
You had come to realize the puppet had no sense of danger. He would stick his hand into a fire and get surprised when it hurt. He would jump into the water and then realize he couldn’t swim. You thought his thirst for new experiences to be cute, but frequently you would worry if he hurt himself on accident. So usually, you took it upon yourself to watch the learning puppet carefully, but even you slipped up sometimes.
So when you turned around to gather some of the other ingredients, and then were greeted by the sight of Kabukimono’s bleeding finger, you mentally kicked yourself.
“Oh Kabukimono… let’s get that cleaned up,” you urged, moving his bleeding finger to a bucket of water and some soap. You begin to clean the wound while Kabukimono looked on guiltily.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized sincerely, giving you those big baby eyes that made your heart squeeze. “I just wanted to be like you, with how you cut them so fast.”
“Is that what you did? Yes, I can cut them quickly because I’ve been doing this for many years. You’ve just started so you need to take it slow,” you gently lectured. Reaching into a cabinet, you then wrapped some gauze around his injured finger. You sighed, placing a soft kiss on it.
“What was that for?” Kabukimono had a faint flush on his face. You raised your eyebrow, sensing a new opportunity for some teasing.
“It’s simply a boo-boo kiss,” you giggled. “I’m just kissing your cut so it can heal faster!” Kabukimono looked astonished and fascinated.
“Does that actually work? Actually, I feel better already!” The puppet cheered with glee.
“Of course it does. Because I love you very, very much, Kabukimono,” you finished your sentence with one more kiss to his bandaged finger and another to his forehead. “But you must take more care of yourself. I don’t want you getting hurt again, understand?” He obediently nodded and you smiled. “Now, would you like to continue or do you want to watch me finish this up?”
“I still want to help you! This is nothing for me,” he declared, puffing out his chest. You smiled and patted his head, and this time carefully supervised him as he cut up the other vegetables, meat, and whatnot.
Kabukimono and you enjoyed an eventful evening of taste testing, mixing, and experimenting. Niwa ended up coming over for some soup as well and loudly called you two an old, married couple, which you would have shouted at him for, but Kabukimono looked so pleased you didn’t have the heart to. You briefly wonder how the puppet would react to actually getting married to you. To be tied to you for eternity. You think he’d be a wonderful husband, and you already felt a deep connection to him. Hell, the two of you were eating dinner and talking about your day together every day. Was that not a prime example of what loving married couples do?
“Is it good, Kabukimono?” You inquired about the taste as the two of you sat at the kitchen table yet again. You knew he didn’t need to eat, but he should still be able to enjoy delicious food like everyone else. Kabukimono eagerly nodded.
“Your food always tastes good, [Name]!”
“It’s not just my food this time. It’s yours too,” you giggled, booping his nose gently as he blushed. “So, do you want me to feed you?” you teased.
His mouth opened and closed, speechless and unsure of what to say, until you clarified you were just joking. The puppet was a mixture of disappointment and relief as he dug into his food.
Well, you ended up having to feed him anyway, since he ended up with a slightly burnt tongue and refused to stop cuddling with you afterward, too embarrassed to face you… You’ll have to start teaching Kabukimono not to eat hot things so quickly. 
Maybe you should teach him how to make juice by squeezing fruits? There should be something for Lavender Melons, right? Well, that was for another day. Right now, you had a teary-eyed eccentric to comfort.
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lesson 1. lesson 2. lesson 3. lesson 4. lesson 5. lesson 6. lesson 7. lesson 8. lesson 9. lesson 10. bonus lesson.
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theamberfist · 9 days
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Sink or Swim | Stolas x Reader
Romantic! Stolas x Swim Instructor! Reader
Description: When Stolas signed his baby daughter, Octavia up for swim lessons, he never expected to like her new instructor so much
(Notes:) (gender neutral reader) (reader is a sinner) (reader is baby Octavia's swim teacher)
Words: 1,640
❀ Fun fact: I've taught parent-infant swim lessons IRL so all the exercises shown in this are real ones we use with infants ❀
Stolas frowned as he pushed open the door to the building in front of him; unable to help the slight nervous feeling that bloomed in his chest. He supposed there should have been no cause for concern, considering he was a prince of hell and easily one of the strongest beings in this ring, but it wasn't as if he'd ever done something like this before. 
He readjusted his arms, where Octavia rested on his hip sleepily. On a normal day, she would have been napping at home now, but not for much longer. He'd specifically chosen this time because he knew that, once she woke up, she would be as active as ever. Stolas reminded himself that this was for her sake, not his; he could hold his head up high for her, just as he always did.
When he entered, the imp at the front desk looked up from his work and his eyes widened slightly. "Prince Stolas..." He managed before finally clearing his throat and regaining his composure, "Right, we were expecting you." Though, something told the owl prince they hadn't actually thought he'd make good on his plans and come in. 
"The toddler pool has already been reserved, and your instructor is waiting for you there," the imp went on to explain as he checked their names off on a clipboard, "I'll let them know you've arrived." 
"Thank you." Stolas nodded awkwardly before turning and heading through the locker rooms to the pools. Though he could have simply signed Via up for regular lessons, he'd decided a private one would be better for the sake of them both. He wasn't aware that meant they'd reserve an entire pool for them, however small, but at least this way, he would have fewer paparazzi to deal with. 
Finally, he reached the pool deck, seeing that the whole facility only had a few people in it right now. There was a large lap swimming pool in front of him, as well as a splash pad to his right and the toddler pool to his left. When he looked over, there was already someone sitting on the side with their feet in the water as they waited. They wore a red swimsuit with the word 'lifeguard' printed in white, leading him to believe this was the instructor the imp at the front desk had mentioned. 
He made his way over to the toddler pool as Octavia began stirring in his arms now. It was a good thing he'd already gotten her into her swimsuit, or he would have had a hard time getting her to sit still long enough for it now. 
Upon hearing them come over, you looked up and smiled, setting the clipboard you'd been holding on the side of the pool. 
"Hello!" You called, "Here for the parent-child swim lesson?" Stolas nodded and you stepped out of the barely knee-deep pool to come over to him. To his surprise, you seemed to be a sinner, rather than an imp or hellhound like he'd expected. Your appearance differed from them greatly, and there was an energy about you that told him you had to be a human soul. 
You smiled and introduced yourself. "I'll be teaching our class every week," you explained, "If anything is too difficult or uncomfortable for you two as we get started, please let me know. Private lessons means I have a little more flexibility in what we do." You winked at the last part, and though it made the prince's heart beat quicker, he was fairly certain you just meant it playfully. 
"Anyway, who is this little one?" You asked, turning to the little owlet in his arms, whose big round eyes were staring up at you. 
"This is my daughter, Octavia," Stolas replied, immediately relaxing now that the topic of conversation had changed, "She's about a year old; I hope that's alright!" You waved him off.
"That's perfect," you said, gently reaching out towards the baby, "I've worked with kids much older and much younger than this." Octavia's tiny hand grabbed one of your fingers and you smiled kindly before looking up at her father. "And you're Prince Stolas, right?" He blinked.
"Just Stolas is fine!"
You nodded before removing your hand from the owlet's grip and standing up straighter. "Well, if you're ready, then we can get started." You said, that professional air returning to you, "I was thinking we'd have her in the shallow area to start with and ease her into slightly deeper waters." Stolas nodded, setting his bag down on a pool chair and then following you to the water. 
Now that you'd been properly introduced, Octavia was eager to follow after you, and he held her little hands as she stepped into the shallowest area of the pool. You giggled, encouraging her along the way. 
Once she stood so that the water was up to her knees, you brought out a dive toy and placed it on the pool floor, asking her to reach down and grab it to get her a little closer to the water. Stolas sat by her as she did so with ease, and then you moved the toy slightly deeper. 
He admired how much energy you seemed to have with his owlet, as well as how kind you were to her. Your soft voice and easy patience was a stark contrast to Octavia's mother; that was for sure. The two of you watched her repeatedly pick the dive toy up from increasingly deeper as if she had no care in the world. 
Finally, he broke the quietness between you two as you congratulated Octavia at another job well done. "Do you often teach lessons here?" He asked a little awkwardly, "I haven't seen many human souls in this ring of hell before." You smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, I teach almost all the lessons we offer here," you replied, moving Via's dive toy again, "It's the same job I had while I was alive, and I guess it's the only thing I've really found that I'm good at."
Stolas couldn't argue with that. Usually, Octavia was much more timid around water than this. She wouldn't even go in it at all if he wasn't holding her hand the whole time. With you, though, she was so enthusiastic that she hadn't even noticed the lack of touch. It was like he'd brought a different baby to the pool altogether today. 
"I see," he replied with a nod, smiling down at his daughter, who was happily splashing some of the water. "Do you have any children of your own?" You shook your head.
"Nope, I mostly kept to myself while I was alive- and, I guess, while I've been dead, too." You shrugged, "But when I found out how few kids in my neighborhood knew how to swim, I started doing lessons to keep them a little safer." 
Stolas nodded, wondering if it would have been too much to hope that 'keeping to yourself' meant you didn't have a spouse or partner, either. 
"If you're ready, we can move to the deeper water exercises." You changed the subject now and the prince nodded, placing a reluctant Octavia back on his hip and bringing her towards the deeper pool nearby. There, you helped him perform the next exercise, which consisted of him resting the owlet's head on his shoulder and trying to get her to kick her legs as he moved her through the water on her back. She was less enthusiastic about that, but you were quick to think; holding a toy up so her focus would shift. 
That calmed her down a lot, and soon enough she was kicking her legs happily as she giggled at you. "Do you get many attendees to your lessons?" Stolas asked in an attempt to strike up a conversation with you again, "I know those who died and ended up here aren't at as much risk of drowning." You nodded.
"That's why I work here," you smiled, "People in the pride ring aren't really concerned about dying unless it's at the hands of angels. I still think water safety is important, though."
The prince couldn't argue there. After all, that was why he'd signed Octavia up for these lessons. That, and he'd thought it would be nice for the two of them to get out of the house together for an activity. 
"Then I applaud you for your work!" He replied, "I'm sure many hellborn children can be quite difficult to teach." You laughed.
"You have no idea how much hellhounds hate swimming." 
The rest of the lesson went on just like that. With each new exercise, you found yourself getting that much more comfortable talking with Stolas, and vice versa. Octavia was also doing extremely well with everything you threw at her, and at this rate, you knew she'd be confidently swimming around on her own soon enough. 
Finally, the lesson ended and you praised the little owl before dismissing the class and hopping out of the water. Feeling warmer than you had when you began, you grabbed your clipboard to prepare for your next class.
Stolas glanced your way as he carefully dried Octavia off. "Same time next week, then?" He asked with a grin and you nodded.
"I'll be looking forward to it!" He didn't say anything, but inside, he knew he would be too. Just as he was grabbing his bag to leave, you came over and handed him a small piece of paper. The owl prince raised an eyebrow. 
"My number," you explained with a smile, "just in case." He nodded at that, feeling his heart flutter as he placed the paper in his pocket, and then you waved them both off as they left.
It seemed he'd gotten more enjoyment out of these little swim lessons than expected, and he couldn't wait to come back. 
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