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#self-deprecating thoughts
actress4him · 1 year
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For bthb, could you do Keith with seizures? The cause could be something to with him being half Galra? Maybe it happens in the atlas (season 8?) completely optional suggestion I’d love it if you only do the first part (first time suggesting something so sorry if this is worded weirdly)
It’s been ages, and whoever you are, dear anon, I have no idea whether you’ll ever actually see this, but I hope you do and I hope you enjoy.
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@badthingshappenbingo
Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Prompt: Seizures
Contains: dude whump, sensory overload, self-deprecating thoughts, seizure, references to past questionable foster care
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Voltron had saved another planet. That meant yet another celebration to thank them, something that the team always had mixed feelings about. Lance and Allura and Coran loved them, always ready for a chance to mingle and socialize (and in Lance’s case, flirt), while Pidge and Keith were less than thrilled, both of them preferring to stay away from social situations whenever possible. Shiro and Hunk seemed to fall somewhere in the middle, only really complaining if they were especially tired, but enjoying themselves most of the time once they were there. 
He didn’t know about the others, but Keith also struggled with seeing the necessity of these events. Sure, he knew that the planet’s people were thankful for their help, but did it really require a party every time? Didn’t they have better things they could be doing, like, you know, saving more planets? This was a war. Allura was always preaching the importance of diplomacy, but he had a hard time believing that it should take precedence over battles.
Plus, they never really knew what they were getting themselves into when landing on an alien planet. Of all the members of Voltron, Keith really should have been the best at getting thrown into new, unknown situations. After all, that’s how he’d spent his entire childhood. But those families had all been human, at least, and therefore mostly predictable. Alien planets were anything but.
For instance, on most planets the celebrations had been rather formal affairs, some even with dancing like a ball straight out of a movie. Others had been more casual, and many focused on food (those were Hunk’s favorites, of course). 
On this particular planet, though, as soon as the president announced that the festivities would begin, the ballroom-like space turned instantly into a club. The main lights switched off, but were replaced by multi-colored beams that spun wildly around the room. Speakers hidden somewhere in the ceiling and walls began blasting what apparently passed as music on this planet, complete with a drumbeat that vibrated the floor.
Keith, taken completely off guard, couldn’t stop his violent flinch. He did, however, just barely catch himself before his hands clapped over his ears. Sucking in a deep breath, he forced his arms back down by his sides. Loud sounds had always been miserable for him. He’d had to learn a long time ago that it wasn’t always appropriate to indulge himself and try to block them out, though. Some people didn’t take very kindly to that, and the last thing he wanted was to insult anyone here. Allura would have his head. 
The lights were awful, too, and he blinked several times in a row before settling on just squinting at everything. Every time one flashed directly across his face he winced, trying not to squeeze his eyes shut and leave them that way. Not that it mattered much if he did, he could still see the colors behind his eyelids.
“Woo!” Lance yelled, immediately getting into the spirit and waving his arms over his head. “Heck yeah, this is what I call a party!” And he was off, sliding and bopping through the crowd, getting everyone around him excited and dancing.
Why can’t you be more like him? that ugly voice in Keith’s head sneered. Everybody loves Lance, no matter where we go. Really, why can’t you be more like any of them?
The rest of the team were all looking far more comfortable in this environment than he ever could. Some were dancing, others eating and chatting. Even Pidge had found someone to talk technology or math with, judging by the passion in her expression. Meanwhile, he just stood there awkwardly, fighting against the strong urge in every inch of his body to flee the room and find somewhere dark and quiet to hide. 
Pretty recently he’d finally realized that his sensitive eyes and ears probably came from his Galra side, thanks to getting to know the Blades and his mom and finding out more about their physiology. That didn’t make him feel any better about it. Sure, he was getting more and more used to the whole half-Galra thing, and getting closer to actually, fully accepting it. But this was just another case of being Galra making him different. More accurately, weird. Another reason why he’d never fit in anywhere he went.
And that’s why I can’t be like them. Because I’m not like them, and I never will be. 
Weaving slowly through the crowd of aliens, Keith made his way toward the wall closest to the entrance. He tried his best not to bump into anyone, despite the fact that half of them were in the middle of flailing - ahem, dancing. Still, hands and sleeves brushed against his arms and shoulders. Somehow they felt like pins pricking his skin, even through his jacket. He hurried past, wrapping his arms around himself tightly and tucking himself up against the wall. But the wall was vibrating, like the floor. It shot up his spine into his head, making him clench his teeth even harder, and he quickly stood up straight again. 
He thought he was going to be sick. Which was stupid, it was just lights and music. But it was crawling underneath his skin, pounding into his temples, clogging up his throat.
He wanted to go home.
“Hey, man! You okay over here?” Hunk appeared next to him, shouting to be heard over the chaos of music and conversations. “You look kinda pale.”
The added noise stabbed through Keith’s skull, and he tried his hardest not to show it. “‘m fine.”
Finishing chewing whatever he’d just popped into his mouth, Hunk frowned and stepped a little closer. “You sure? I mean, I know you don’t like parties, but…this seems a bit worse than normal.”
Keith looked over at him. He seemed entirely genuine, as Hunk usually was. “The lights and music are just…” This time he failed to keep from flinching when one of the beams crossed his face. “A lot. It’s no big deal, though.”
“Ohhh.” Hunk’s expression morphed from concern to something that was probably pity, which is not what he was hoping for. “Yeah, Shiro said at some point that you have like, sensitive eyes and stuff, right? I’m sorry, man. You could go back to the Castle, you know. You don’t have to stay if you’re miserable.” 
He shook his head. “No, it’s…it’s fine.” He wasn’t going to disappear and risk it causing any number of problems - alien presidents getting offended, Allura deciding she needed them all to line up and have some sort of ceremony, some kind of further attack occurring. Call him paranoid, but all of the above had happened before. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.” 
He really needed this conversation to end now, though. Having to talk and focus on what Hunk was saying, and also smelling the food he was holding on top of the smell of a bunch of alien sweat and perfumes was making things even worse. It felt like his head was going to explode with all of the sensations it was trying to process. 
In fact, maybe it was already exploding. Maybe it was slowly frying, at least, because there were stars appearing around him that he was pretty sure weren’t part of the party’s special effects. Hunk was saying something else next to him, but Keith couldn’t process it, staring up at the blinking stars. Everything in the room seemed to be moving in slow motion all of a sudden. Then there was an especially bright burst of light, and he vaguely felt himself falling.
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“I’ll be okay,” he said. “Don’t worry,” he said. But then Hunk was watching Keith stare off into space at nothing before starting to shake and dropping abruptly to the floor. 
“Whoa! Keith!” He dove onto his knees, torn between watching Keith’s whole body twitch and jerk uncontrollably and looking around frantically for someone to help him. Everyone’s attention was on the festivities, though, not down on the floor, and the music was way too loud to call out to anyone. Hunk was the only one who knew something was wrong.
And he was…not really equipped to handle something like this. He’d had some first aid classes, though, so he could…he could do this, right? It wasn’t like there was another choice. Keith needed him. 
This was definitely a seizure. And it was horrifying. But he had to ignore that and focus on what he could do. He knew he wasn’t supposed to hold onto him, couldn’t stop the terrible shaking that had taken over his body, but he was pretty sure it was a good idea to try and cushion his head. So he scooted over, reaching out tentatively and very, very carefully lifting Keith’s head with both hands until he could set it into his lap. 
The Red Paladin’s eyes were open, but only white was showing. Hunk’s heart was in his throat watching him. Vaguely he thought he remembered something about counting when someone was having a seizure, but he had no idea why or how much time had passed already so he didn’t try to start. All he could do at that point was watch and wait and hope that it would be over soon.
And eventually, after what seemed like a lifetime, it was. Keith’s body relaxed as quickly as it had begun seizing, going limp on the floor. He looked…dead. Which completely freaked Hunk out for a moment, almost more than the seizure had to start with, until he saw his chest rise and fall once, then twice. Okay. Okay, so he wasn’t dead. He was…not okay, but he wasn’t seizing and he wasn’t dead. Now he just needed to get someone’s attention, and since the shaking was past he was able to scoop him up in his arms and stand. 
It didn’t take long after that for someone to notice them then. One paladin draped across another’s arms was kind of concerning, apparently, and pretty soon they had a swarm of aliens and the other paladins around them, ready to help.
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After the stars and the falling, Keith didn’t remember much besides a buzzing sensation, like electricity had taken over his limbs. The next thing he was fully aware of was opening his eyes to blissful darkness and quiet. The only sound was a whispered conversation in an unseen corner of the room, which quickly came to a halt when he shifted. 
“Keith? You with us, bud?”
“Y-yeah.” He stretched out his legs, trying to figure out what he was lying on and why it felt like someone had beaten him with a stick. Every single muscle in his body was sore, even ones he didn’t realize he had. “What, uh…what happened?”
Hunk scooted out to the edge of the chair across from him, catching his attention. “You, um…had a seizure. It was super scary, man. I’d be really okay if that never happened again, but I mean of course I don’t like, blame you for it, I highly doubt you did it on purpose.”
“I wasn’t actually there for the seizure part, but seeing you passed out wasn’t exactly reassuring, either,” Lance piped in, appearing to perch on the arm of Hunk’s chair. “I just thought you were pale before, that was like, ghost quality.”
Keith was still trying to wrap his mind around the concept of having a seizure, but he was surprised to see them both there, especially Lance. “You should still be at the party, not worrying over me. I didn’t mean to interrupt everything.”
“You think I was gonna keep dancing with the ladies while my teammate was in here dying?” Lance scoffed, sounding offended. “The ladies will just have to do without me for a little while.”
“The ladies are probably all waiting to thank Keith for distracting you for a few minutes,” Pidge quipped drily. She draped herself over the back of the couch that Keith was apparently lying on. “And he’s not dying, anyway. He’s fine.” Her eyes cut over to Keith’s face, and he could see concern trying not to show itself. “Right?”
“Um. Yeah. I…think.” He started to push himself up, grimacing a little at the pull on his muscles, but Pidge placed the heel of her hand on his forehead and shoved him back down.
“Cool it, cowboy, you need to rest.”
“I’m fine, really. I don’t know what happened, but…I’m okay now.” He was pretty sure, anyway. He felt relatively normal, other than the soreness, but not knowing what had brought on the seizure and whether or not it would happen again was a bit concerning, to say the least. “It isn’t the first time I’ve had one, anyway. Happened once when I was a kid, too. And I was fine then,” he added quickly.
“Was there a lot of sensory input happening then, too?” Shiro crossed the room, tucking a datapad into his pocket. “Hunk said you were complaining about the lights and music.”
Keith thought back to the first incident, at a foster brother’s birthday party in an arcade. “Yeah. There was.” The foster parents had sent him away after that, claiming they were unprepared to deal with major medical issues. Never mind that it hadn’t happened again for almost a decade, and not until he was all the way in outer space.
Shiro nodded. “I was just talking to the Blade’s medic. Apparently it isn’t a common thing for Galra to experience, but he has seen it before in mixed species. The Galra sensory issues combined with…something that certain other races have, it was a bit over my head. But he’d like to run some tests next time he sees you, just to be sure.”
Keith groaned and shook his head. Just what he needed, more tests by the Blade trying to figure out how exactly his body worked. 
“I appreciate you guys, um…being there for me. Helping me out. Especially, um, you, Hunk. I hate that I caused a scene, though. You all should get back before you’re missed too much.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Hunk waved a hand dismissively. “Allura and Coran are still holding down the fort out there, though we should definitely let them know soon that you’re awake and okay. They were worried about you.”
“We’d all much rather be in here making sure you’re okay, Mullet.”
It never failed to surprise him, hearing the rest of the team express any kind of care and concern for him. A warm feeling invaded his chest and eased some of the tension in his body.
“And Keith? If this ever happens again, will you please let us know so we can help before your body freaks out?” Pidge poked him in the stomach to emphasize her words.
“Uh…yeah. Yeah, I can do that, I guess.” Part of him still wanted to protest about diplomacy and not angering aliens and such, but he knew he’d just get shut down. Instead he glanced around at the team and smiled a little. “Thanks.”
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Bingo requests are open, but only for my OCs at this time, and with no guarantee of how long it will take me to fulfill them!
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