I realized that the reason I can't get better is because I feel the best when I'm at my sickest

I love reading mental help information and it says something like, "if you can relate to such and such symptoms find a trusted adult in your life and talk to them about it." It's me. I'm the most trustworthy adult in my life.

The biggest lie was that it gets better.

I hate how people tell me to get help or reach out when i’m feeling $u1c1d@l, destructive, etc etc.

But the moment I reach out, Im blown off.

Yeah, How about you listen to my issues or stfu and let me $l1t my wrists.

I am proud of you because you exist. Because you are breathing. Because you are waking up and making breakfast for yourself. Because you are applying for work you always dreamt about. Because you are trying. Because you drink water when you are stressed. Because you think about yourself. Because you do things that bring you joy. Because you are being kind to yourself. Because you are sleeping on time. Because you listen to your heart. Because you are valuing your time. Because you rest when you are tired. I am proud of you because you exist.

sometimes the only thing you can do is sleep

and just hope that it goes away

but it's his MOM, right? like OBVIOUSLY if the MOM says that her son talks about you a lot, and she JUST MET YOU that's SIGNIFICANT right? and WHILE he's eating a HOMEMADE BAKED GOOD. like that is motherhood 101, and when your child TELLS YOU ALL ABOUT A PERSON and then forever that person is tied to their expression lighting up and their smiles and stories of you two, together and a mother always knows as the saying goes but then GET THIS he SMILES this tiiiiny smile, all BASHFUL and says in his little voice "HE DOES?" as though it was the BEST NEWS he'd heard ALL WEEK that is best friend and partner and SOULMATE, of which the act of being brought together was 500 YEARS in the making, tells HIS MOM ABOUT HIM

ARE YOU HEARING ME

As with the Church, the damage is neither accidental nor incidental. It's how vulnerability, and therefore ideological dependence, are sustained.

I could really benefit from a walk...

What a shame that I'll spend the entire time thinking about throwing myself in front of a car.

"But they're still your parents 🥺"

Me when my parents breathe around me:

I don't understand the idea of casual flirting. They both talk like they are in love, emotionally connected. But they do not commit. Do not have any tags as couples. And I know, one of them always ends up falling in love. And later they break their own hearts.

it is better to be clear about each other from the beginning. So it won't be an emotional manipulation later.

Talk about it, talk about the bond. Make sure you both are on the same page. And if they do not match or respect your decisions in anyway. Then you know which way to show your door ;)

It’s not my fault it’s not my fault it’s not my fault

Can't help but feel like I'm not alive to actually live, I'm only alive waiting for the moment to end it all as though that's my only purpose for being here

I wish I was skinny. I wish I was pretty. I wish I wasn't sensitive. I wish I wasn't annoying. I wish I wasn't clingy. I wish I had pretty hair. I wish I was taller. I wish I had a purpose. I wish people actually liked me. I wish I was fun to be around. I wish I didn't hate myself. I wish I wanted to be alive.

I wish I was dead.

Yk what maybe cahms was right, maybe all i needed was a cup of tea *laughs manically whilst drinking my eighth cup to try to avoid the horrors*